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rin-enjoyer · 5 months

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ok finally put my hands in the air and sat down to compile the team 7 sensei rin au timeline. subject to change but like. for now here it is ^_^

-obito doesn't push kakashi out of the way of the boulder. MINDNUMBING GUILT FOR THIS CHILD!!!! rin cares about as much as she did when obito was the one to die (not at all lmao)

-important side quest! minato's favorite was kakashi and when he dies he is sad. this sadness makes him sloppy and he ends up getting captured by iwa and killed for all of the war crimes. he deserved it <3

-obito: devistated rin: eh

-with minato and kakashi gone, the team is kind of... less important... obito and rin stop going on missions outside of the village as much and without the spotlight of Politics pushing rin to become a mednin in order to copy previous succesful team setups she starts persuing other interests which.

-rin: yay now i can do what i want!!! i am free to choose any path i want!! i don't have to be a medic if i dont want to be!! i can finally follow my dreams of-

rin: *remembers that she only dislikes being a mednin because she didnt choose it. and doesnt know what she Actually wants to do*

rin: ah

-she waffles around a bit. a lot. she never actually really settles on anything, and just sort of ends up becoming a very well-rounded guy.

-anyways meanwhile in grampy madara's spoopy cave kakashi is having a Bad Time. so is madara. he got like,, the WORST guy ever to enact his plan, on account of kakashi's stupid single-minded loyalty to konoha, and he doesnt even have a sharingan

-convoluted plan to murder obito in a way that hopefully convinces kakashi to help out and gets madara an eyeball so that the plan can actually be fulfilled: activate

-obito gets the three-tails and rin hunts him down because she doesnt have anything better to do and when she finds him he's all "rin we gotta find kushina!! i can't go back to the village yet otherwise explodsions :C" and rin does some quick mental math and decides that that seal is NAUGHT getting fixed.

-rin kills obito there and then in that cave, annoying madara and the kiri ninja and obito if he was not dead. this is a Big Moment for her because she makes a Decision!! she views this as "a sliver of her true self shining through" for a while which.. is complicated but i'll get back to that.

-madara throws a rock at her. or something. and knocks her out so he can at least go scavenge the eyeballs but he only gets one before uchiha search and rescue shows up (obito was NOT disregarded by his clan disregarded uchiha do not get put on the Special Superspeed Pathway to Become Hokage team fight me)

-they see rin, unconscious, and obito, missing an eye and only recently killed, and put two and two together and get five and go "awwww D: girl almost died protecting his body from that mysterious shadow guy who just disappeared. even if she failed her effort means a lot."

-so rin, despite being kind of filler on the politics team, getts thrust into the limelight as a handy-dandy link to mend village relations with the uchiha. "girl who protected her teammate with everything she had..." ect ect. which is funny

-as a sign of good will the uchiha give her obito's remaining eye, which is a surprisingly good fit for her jack of all trades style.

-orochimaru is the last candidate for hokage so danzo n hiruzen start really scrambling to get his public reputation up. what better way to do this than to give him a child? orochimaru is studying sharingan anyways, right? he's not unhappy with it and it once again consolidates political power and anko increased his likability by that much, so like? another student? yeah? yeah?

-anko is REALLY good for rin because she'll suggest something and rin (who still just goes along with a lot of stuff at this point) agrees. and anko is the first person to realize that rin is NOT a sweet polite little girl she is messed up in exciting new ways. orochimaru is a close second.

-anyways orochimaru's poking around with bodies and stuff and the sharingan letting her take techniques and not having a convenient mask to pull on eventually leads rin to the realization that she doesn't HAVE a "true self" girrrll who would have thought....

-meanwhile kakashi is having Cave Time and through a lot of wheedling and no social interaction besides madara kakashi is convinced to do the infinite tsukuyomi For Konoha. a la danzo. (danzo sakumo hiruzen kakashi essay In Progress lol)

-rin, new, healthier self image acquired, goes on to be Very successful. orochimaru becomes the hokage, rin rotates between his private guard and missions, and everything is dandy!! once again danzo keeps his flirting with hiruzen out of the politics and the uchiha massacre doesn't happen cuz Rin tm and stuff is greatttt!!!

-also naruto is born With incident but its. fine. its fine. kushina dies jiriya who is visiting dies to seal kurama in naruto and its like. sad but who cares amiright

-so right as naruto sasuke and sakura are about to graduate, the politics machine starts working, and like. to Consolidate Power rin is the obvious choice for sensei.

-she goes "ughhh fine ok" and does it and like. its fine. its good.

-...until wave happens!!!!! :D

-fun fact! rin does love people! shes just weird about it. and sometimes she doesn't notice.

-she does beat zabuza and haku on their first meeting because she hasn't been depression napping her way through the past two years.

-but it's still a nasty wake up call, yaknow? those kids could have died! and she would have been... sad? like actually sad?

-rin still preforms on occasion, but she's weird about it in different ways now. and she's pretty sure that she actually likes these kids???

-which is weird and novel but eh. whatever. she'll do her best to teach them apparently.

-sasuke becomes a medic and. this is long and i need to wrap this up but i will elaborate on narrative signficance of this later lol because its there

-kakashi finishes collecting tailed beasts much slower because he keeps passing out (rip) but he does get there eventually

-rin is dodging hokage-ship so that she can keep messing around with her kids. yes they are jounin shut up she's not taking care of them they are her BESTIES. (important distiction that isnt even a lie. she is NOT their mom she is NOT their older sister she is the Cool Older lesbian who taught them the tricks of the trade and now they party together. a ten year age gap is not as big as you guys think it is. you can be friends with old people.)

-anyways eventually kakashi comes for naruto. it goes badly because he is perpetually exhausted and team 7 is perpetually hyped and also no one's even gne missingnin. AND his one cool trick gets countered by rin who can do the Same Cool Trick

-oh also he goes by sukea. hehe sometimes fanon is correct.

-any other version of rin would have gone ballastic but this rin scrunches her face and goes "ok so he is kind of a nohara in the same way that i am kind of an uchiha." thats not whats going on but ok i guess

-rin also kills him (now she is two for two) and madara never even got revived and then everyone just kind of. "that was weird"s the whole situation and goes home.

#hmgh i left a lot out but ive been working on this for a while. and explaining how rock lee dying leads to his entire team defecting #would take too long :C #i will do a deep dive on my tenten thoughts another day. add that one to the list boys #anyways important note that while konoha is the most succesful in this world that isnt'. that doesn't mean that its the best one #this isnt a “good” rin au she is honestly still doing horrific things #just in the name of a more concrete village. sigh.#once i figure out how to make it fun and spicy i might make an au of this au where rin anko and orochimaru Overthrow the Shinobi systerm #because if anyone's making it happen its them.#well. whatever. i think im gonna go ttake a nap im so tired. jet lag >:/

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yj-98 · 9 months

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hello everyone. me again. cowboygame time.

context needed for the post: previous posts about arthur + john, and also that the dad that runs the gang theyre in is named dutch, and their other dad whos been with dutch the longest + was the most like an actual parent to them is named hosea

ANYWAYS! today i consider. being your fathers' son.

its like. interesting and compelling to me that arthur and john are definitely Dutch's Sons. plucked from orphanhood and moulded in his shape and ideology and have been with him and his gang family for decades by the time u meet them in the games. dutch puts a big emphasis on Family and commitment, and you see it in arthur and his dedication to the gang and you see how john crumbles under that weight and how him having left the gang for a year irreparably damaged his relationship with arthur. like they Are Dutch's kids. and dutch is not a nice man.

and arguably arthur and john arent nice either. but they are kind. they bite at each others tails and can be real assholes to people, including people they love, but they know when to be gentle. they know who is undeserving of ire and they know when to put down their ego. maybe not necessarily when it comes to each other but they still have moments between the bickering when they can offer "i owe you" "you will keep owing me" "thank you" "of course".

they learned this through dutch, this instinctual rise to any challenge. but it's lucky that theyre also Hosea's sons....... hosea taught them to read (alongside dutch), was a gentler and more grounded figure in their life. he's a cheat and a conman but hes Not dishonorable and he's genuinely shown to be very kind and good with kids and he cares for his boys as real kids he never got to have.

hosea is shown to be the level-head that balances out dutch's neuroses. he fights against dutch's more wild decisions. hes taught his sons to respect dutch but still question. hes the oldest in the group (dutch's senior by like. 10 years i believe. theyre both 40-50) and he didnt get that old being stupid. hes the robin hood w/ the golden heart. a former actor with love lost who's gone too far down this road with dutch to ever look back but doesnt look forward blindly.

and hosea spends so much time agonizing over his youngest son not thinking. thats the common gripe w/ john, that hes emotional and acts out blindly and he just doesnt think. contrast him to arthur who has at this point spent 20 years of his life being dutch's muscle. but hes got kindness at his core. he begins to question. hes a protector, hes an artist, hes tired. john questions because it fits wrong, arthur questions because death brings clarity. they are opposites here. john more like dutch who questions from the start and arthur more like hosea who only really starts to act after hes already a slow-boiled frog. arthur is compartmentalization to johns bleeding rage.

and when you look at them together. at how they react to each other. ESPECIALLY in the start, when johns rejoined them but arthur is still angry and hurt... on the surface its that john broke the first thing dutch taught them. loyalty. traitors dont come back. leave and youre dead to us.

but then the hurt of john LEFT the family. john's fear was more powerful than his love for his family. arthur was left behind. (and then why was he allowed back? why were exceptions made?) and THEN its that arthur had a kid, and while he wasnt more than friends with the kids mother, he didnt get a chance to watch the kid grow up to an adult. he helped coparent until one day he found them both dead and murdered. and john was willing to throw it ALL away + he hasnt made much effort to do better since coming back. the theme of the story over both games is feeling like they dont Deserve second chances. that there Are no second chances. there is no redemption. and yet john is given second chances, hes given chances at redemption, even if the rug is pulled. and arthur spends the last year of his life trying to redeem 35 odd years spent "wrong" to him. and his last chance is to make sure that his brother can, at least.

i just really like that it feels like a neat little bow. that arthur likes hosea better between the two. that they had hosea. that it comes full circle on both sons characters. that theyre ultimately flawed people trying to do good. a perspective they have because of hosea, even after he dies, in spite of dutch being hellbent on destroying their lives

#this is a literal essay. only the brave dare open that readmore. anyways. sorry NONE of that makes sense but if u read it pls clap #rook.log #cowboygame lb

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bustafe · 3 months

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you aren’t being annoying at all don’t worry!! i’m glad you’re having fun ^_^ you’re one of the mutuals that makes me consider making my own selfship blog tbh!

i thought the route was good! it’s a bit sad to hear that crow isn’t taken seriously in other routes since his character goes way deeper than what’s touched on in the first few chapters. but i thought the piano scene was sooooo cutes <3

it’s funny that you mention thinking he’s the best with teuta as a character, because i didn’t realize that the personality quiz thingy was tied to the routes at first and just answered how i thought she would answer based on canon personality traits haha

AHHH im planning on making my own selfship blog too !!!!

this is a bit long uh oh

although he contributes a lot to the story in other routes hes mostly there to be funny + be a punchline, which is like. you kinda learn that hes doing that on purpose after u played his route anyway (like he talks about how he wants to be seen as goofy funny and have people love him that way bc he doesnt think they would love him if he wasnt funny, didnt have a lot of money, wasnt contributing to the team with his smarts etc. he basically thinks he wont be loved if hes not the butt monkey or is useful somehow) AMD THE PIANO SCENE IS SO SO SO CUTE I HAD IT AS MY WALLPAPER FOR A STRAIGHT YEAR my favorite type of romance in fiction is one that just happens naturally and i think that scene captured it perfectly AND he was so cute there AND he got to be vulnerable with teuta about his dad playing that for him (and later on him getting even more vulnerable with her too UGHHH PUNCHES THE SCREEN)

also yea the personality test + the swimsuit scene + the cat naming scene are the ones where they lock you on an LI's route but when i said that i meant that. ive played all of the routes and i personally believe teucrow to be the healthiest relationship in the game bc of their capability to be vulnerable and understanding with each other, and even tho crow is really emotionally immature hes trying so hard with her so i feel like if there were smth that would go wrong with their relationship then they would put actual effort to fix it

i like teumozu too but obviously its second place + i like teuhelv friendship a lot but not as a couple + i feel like the power imbalance in limbo and shu's routes really made teuta ooc bc its established in the common route that shes this hot headed argumentative woman but with them its like her role has become smaller. and to nurture these two basically . like that one post that was going on thats like making fun of "big guy x nurturing woman" i see it as like that basically. teutas argumentative personality while would make teulimbo friendship very fun i find it really hard to actually see them romantically, and i HATE HATE HATE teuta with shu romantically and i barely see them as friends bc shu makes it so hard to actually like him (which is like. his nature but anyway). shu on his own is fine and when hes interacting with the team as a whole hes really fun, he has some really good #brothers moments with crow that i love and i love his relationship with [SPOILERS!!!!] but i dont really enjoy him as a character. i feel like hes only popular bc hes a bad boy headhunter and he has the dorito body

UM. YEAH ❤️

#ask #anon

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sobredunia · 1 year

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Y’know as much as I may be a school hater I gotta hand it to them for teaching me something very strangely beautiful (they didnt teach it to me directly like in a class sort of deal tho. i refuse to give them that big of a W)

uhh tw mentions of ass fucking and giving premature birth for like. a single line. it literally does not matter. oh and also anime as a currency and maybe just maybe slight traumadump

you know presentations, right? you do a thing then show the class the thing and explain your thing and shit

mostly as a kid they’d have us buy this giant colored cardboard paper thing and put info about a certain topic in it. the very first one that i remember doing was with this one girl named Mar about penguins. later as we got older shit got more competitive bc the class would vote on which cardboard presentation was the best and the winner would get the cardboard hanging in the school walls for all to see. and idk i guess it hurt spending a decent amount of time in a cardboard only for another one to get voted as if your efforts werent worth anything

ANYWAYS.

so yea school started with cardboards and then around 13-14 we started doing like. powerpoint presentation things. and depending on the topic and if the group project i ended up with were cool friends i got to add a lot of little gags and memes and overall have a lot of fun. and it was because these things were fun that i actually managed to remember a lot of things that we agreed to talk about during the presentation! who knew that having fun made learning better! wish they’d implement that to the school system!

over time teachers started to get more stern on not copypasting shit into the slides and then just reading it aloud for the presentation, and although having notes to read was allowed you definitely looked a lot more preofessional if you didnt have any. also with time I started to get more opportunities to do my presentations alone which i definitely enjoyed more than group ones because i could put whatever shit however i wanted and didnt have to meet up with anyone else and waste time trying to agree on what to do

which then leads into the wonderful tale of this one time in 2018-19 (cant rember) where our english teacher asked us to do a presentation. i dont know if it could be about whatever we wanted or if it had to be about money or whatever. but i chose to make it about anime as a currency. and i got a 10 of course because my english fucks severely and absolutely no one else did a presentation with as much slides and detail as mine did and honestly i think the teacher was just scared on what I’d do if i got a bad grade

but thats not the point of the story, just a highlight

then a couple months ago, since the class i was in was the Art Class, a teacher from a different subject asked us to illustrate one of the many poems that this one book had. I had different vague ideas going around in my brain but the deadline was so far away and i just didnt bother

until the deadline wasnt far away

it was very close, actually

(can you tell i write fanfiction)

so anyways adhd fucked me raw in the ass once again and i was still not done getting fucked by other things so fucking. supreme. deadline was close as shit and all the vague ideas took long ass time so I winged it as always and just read one of the poems at the end and got another idea then made the dollar store version of it and speedran that shit

and then time of presentation came and of course i was last and a buncha days passed with people just presenting their illustrations and all that wonderful time i could have spent making this shit more presentable but instead i had my cringe ass nae nae baby in my hands that i gave birth to too fucking soon for it to look more than just a sad fetus. literally any time its presenting time i either offer to go first or second or i get elected last i dont know how the fuck it happens but it happens. so anyways

instead in all those classes of classmates explaining shit with dead voices (we’re teenagers) i didnt listen in to what they said (i wouldn’t have even if i tried lmao) and instead just thought of how to present my work. i didnt have a powerpoint so through words alone it is

and then i just started coming up with beautiful tings to say about my work. How i used the most cheap materials i could find to not mock the author, who wrote in misery and made poetry out of misery, and it was now my turn to take those words engraved in pain and shape them around into something beautiful, over the ruins that got left behind, with resources available to the lowest of the low like library printers and cheap glue stick. make poetry from ruin to ruin, instead of the aristocrats noble poets of the past had focused on pleasing

and yall. i got the highest grade i’d ever gotten in anything from that class up until then. it still is

I’ve always been the goddess of just. making shit up as i go. a guy came up to me asking shit and i just lied on the fucking spot. no hesitation

and this has been a reoccurring thing, especially this past year, where i would have to present drawings (actual drawings) I’ve made and I just said some fancy cheesy shit and the teachers were swooned

and I don’t think it’s just me, either. I think this can extend to all people. the ability to look at the ugly, the neutral, the mundane, the devastation, and just make it into art. not by altering it per se, but simply talking about it. talking about things in a way that, although you might be winging every word not really believing what you say to be true, can make other people find them beautiful

i dunno, just my little thoughts

#Nathan's notes #small rant about the beautiful

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autistic-ace-bee · 2 years

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ask game: 13 23 31 34 37 ! pick whichever ones u want asgdfg

13: what are three things you did today?

I did the washing, I played valorant, and i did some pushups! I didnt really do much today on account of accidentally skipping school asdllsad

23: how have you felt today?

I've felt somewhat anxious today, waiting to get told off for skipping school but that never happened lol. I didnt get nauseous today! :D well actually i did but i think it was because i hadnt eaten yet and once i ate i was fine oh no wait that was yesterday askdkdk

31: what were you doing an hour ago?

i was playing valorant with my cousin! also i think i was messaging you. i was kind of going back and forth between messaging you and playing asdkasdk i was like i am dying but talking to you is more important askdks

34: are you a patient person?

not at all. I hate waiting, and it makes me anxious. So at least, I'm not patient in the sense that I don't like waiting in lines, or waiting for my turn to use the kitchen, or the shower, my turn in a game, or whatever it is I want to do. But with people I'm patient. Like if someone's talking to me about a problem or something I'm patient. But if it's not serious I do tend to try to hasten people and finish their sentences for them asdkasd so yeah, no, im very much not a patient person askdsk

37: did you have a dream last night?

yes and my god it was a wild one. i dont really remember anymore but im pretty sure people died. wait. i was forced to do something. i dont remember what but it was weird lol. i remember i woke up and messaged my cousin "bro i just had the weirdest effing dream" but never elaborated lol

and bonus! im putting a readmore bc it got pretty long and also personal which i dont mind lol but also wooooh mystery >:O

01: tell me the truth, what made you start liking the person you like right now?

honestly, I'm not entirely sure what made me start liking you! I guess its just because you were so easy and so fun to talk to. I love talking to people, but honestly its a lot of effort for me a lot of the time. The only people im really comfortable holding a conversation with at length are you, my cousin and my sister. and i felt that way with you after only a few interactions! i just found you so interesting and cute and sweet and kind and funny and awesome and just you are so great to talk to and we always have a good time together!

i remember like, it was the second week i had known you and i was in the middle of a soccer game and i just couldnt stop messaging you. my coach called me off the pitch and i just immediately grabbed my phone and started texting you because i just so much wanted to talk to you!

and one of my happiest memories is that day i had my first job interview, but its because that day was the first time we played 20 questions, and it was sunny and warm and we ended up talking for like 4 hours and it was just so much fun and i felt so happy and so present and i took photos to show you because i thought, yeah im comfortable with you, i want to show you! i love you and im comfortable being vulnerable and open with you.

that comfort being vulnerable with you was still a little thing then, and now im a lot more comfortable! like yesterday i had a therapy session and i ended up mentioning you because i was like. i know its stupid (in the sense of the immensity of my feelings about it) but not getting to go to that party really upset me and left me feeling pretty depressed for the rest of the week, to the point where i kind of basically wrote like a really long kind-of-poem journal entry where basically i more or less just listed all the things i hated about myself, but i was also like, if you like me there must be something worth liking askdkasdk anyway once i vented i was like okay thats out there whoo and then i messaged you looking for comfort and you were great and i felt so much better and my little depressive episode was over!

and i dont think thats ever really happened before. or like, not so quickly?? like usually when i end up that upset, i usually just cry and sleep. but this time i cried and then i was happy, because i got to speak to you and idk chemical shit in my brain go brrr happy chemicals <3333 and yeah in any case. you make me happy and thats why i love you <33

i originally wrote this as one long block of text but i went back and put as many line breaks as i could bc i know adhd brain is shit at reading long paragraphs askdkasda

#long post

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heiayen · 5 months

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in danger, sinking deeper in your arms neuvillette x gn!reader

summary: Everyone in Fontaine is talking about the sudden arrest of a member of the worldwide crime organization, praising everyone involved for their hard work, not knowing the truth behind the trial. But you do, and soon you are thrown into another mysterious case, where this time, the safety of people you care the most about is on line.

tags: PART 1. modern au, neuvillette is a judge and you are a detective! enstablished relationship, it is kind-of-a murder mystery and injuries are mentioned but nothing too graphic + mentioned blood, a small reference to a fontaine world quest. ft furina cameo

notes: happy new years happy christmas december was not my month BUT I MANAGED to finish this fic anyway <;3 @theother-victoria hello. im your @favonius-library secret santa although a late one. first of all i am sorry that this fic took so long but unfortunately... life happened. and i wish i finished it faster, but </3 i decided to split this into two parts also because... you know to rush a fic with some actual plot would just ruin the quality and i didnt want that </3 please don't eat me up for any inaccurate things regarding law because this is fontaine. and my fic /j anyways whew! i shall now pass out. this is also my second time writing neuvie so uhadgdds goodnight!

“A member of the biggest worldwide crime organization, known as Fatui, has been sentenced to jail in Fontaine’s court”, said the big, bold letters on the first page of The Steambird.

It was the biggest sensation of the month– no, one could say of the year in the nation of justice, and only now it has been revealed to the public light. Everyone has been working in the shadows for the past weeks, trying their hardest to find any clues, evidence, and pointers, ultimately succeeding none of this would have happened if not for the group effort of the police and the amazing prosecution team, namely the lead prosecutor, ms. Furina. Judge Neuvillette, the greatest judge this place saw in its entire existence, has made the sentence, and many started to believe that with this trial, a new era would start and an end would be brought upon the horrible crimes of Fatui.

The jailed man— whose name they didn’t publish— would spend his nearest days in the Fortress of Meropide, where after finishing his sentence for the crimes he committed in Fontaine, he would be sent to Snezhnaya, to answer for his other crimes. before the judge of his homeland.

That was what people believed, and they had no reason to not. No one would lie to them about such thing, after all, and Judge Neuvillette was known for fair sentences, they all trusted him.

How unfortunate it was, that so much about this trial, the biggest sensation of the year was… simply not real. Fabricated for the public, and the harsh truth was under the rug, just waiting to be uncovered by some curious eye.

You were a detective, working specially for the Court of Fontaine. Your agency was personally picked by Neuvillette to work with him, ensure the security of the court members, and help with more stubborn cases that needed more special force to be solved.

It seemed crazy to you when you first joined, to work with the most known judge in Fontaine… and it still was crazy that you got blessed with such a chance from the universe, yet complained none.

Your agency was asked to help the police with the case of arresting Ajax— codename Tartaglia— and while you weren’t the main detective for this particular case, you heard and saw enough and none of this was as pretty as they tried to portray it to the public.

Because no one really knew if he was guilty.

The evidence, yes, pointed toward him, but then so many things pointed to the possibility that the evidence was false, put by someone wanting to frame Tartaglia. You were the first to reject this theory, not believing that anyone was even able to frame a criminal like him. And even if so, you were sure he would get an amazing attorney that would defend him with even more fabricated evidence, or that someone would just bail him out of jail, but—

None of this happened. Worse, the lead prosecutor, ms. Furina, received a threat to get a guilty sentence for the man, no matter what it would take.

Disobedience would be punished, the letter said. It was decided to do as the letter asked, both for the sake of everyone and most importantly, Furina’s safety, but also to shut down the blackmailer’s alertness.

Everything was carefully arranged by someone, and you all were just actors in someone’s biggest play of their life.

It was… gods. Terrible, to say the least. The blackmailer’s identity stayed unknown, as they disguised their letter as a government official one and made sure to not be found, and your team still was debating on the credibility of the evidence you all found. Everything pointed toward that it was fabricated, but nothing proved that it was, and if someone was genuinely just playing a stupid joke to cast the shadow of doubt, or mess with your investigation, then they were doing an amazing job.

Even Furina seemed a little off in your eyes, the smallest spark of her confidence gone when she herself wasn’t sure if anything she presented in court was real.

(Not to mention that Tartaglia shouldn’t be put on trial here, but in Snezhnaya. Something, something about international laws.)

There was nothing left for you than to wait for any move in the case, for any possible hint toward the mastermind and truth.

Just for how long you would have to wait?

It was early morning when you woke up to your phone ringing, a bit before your regular wake-up hour. Still half-asleep, you grabbed the device and, not even checking who it was calling, you picked up the call and was greeted by your co-worker’s voice bordering on screaming.

“[Name]! For gods’ sake, finally!” She half-screamed into your ear and you winced.

“‘nd no good morning even?” you mumbled, your brain foggy with sleep. Why was she even screaming so early?

“This is the third time I called so no, no good morning to you,” Came her quick reply, “Get up, someone found a corpse right at the courthouse’s doorstep.”

That woke you up instantly.

You jumped on your bed, throwing away your duvet and scrambling to get up, “Whose?! And— why on earth is there a corpse in the first place?!”

The order of your questions seemed a little out of place, but you barely cared. You walked quickly to your closet, grabbing the first pants and shirt you found under your hand.

“Good questions, I was about to ask you the same,” Your friend deadpanned and you could already imagine the judgemental raise of her eyebrows, “We can't... exactly recognize the victim. Whoever killed them had quite the fun with it..."

You gulped at the mental image alone of what was waiting for you. “This is fucking shit. Who found the corpse?”

“Ms. Furina found the body, called for sir Neuvillette, he called for me and I called for the rest, so police. And you, because I don’t want to deal with this case alone.”

You stopped buttoning up your shirt for a moment.

“...and for that, you are getting your ass moving and picking me up,” You said lightly to your phone. If not for your godsdamned friend, you still would be resting in bed! Maybe preparing to get out of it, but in bed nonetheless.

Still, another part of you was happy that she called you out of all people.

“No?!” Your friend retorted, “Don’t you have a car?”

“At mechanics.”

“Call a cab, then?”

“At this hour?”

There was a moment of silence before you heard from your friend something that sounded like a tired groan and something like ‘yes, whatever, I’ll pick you up’.

“You’re so nice, love you!” you cooed into the phone and ended the call.

Now dressed, you went to the kitchen to at least eat something, because you weren’t even sure if you would have enough time to get anything to drink.

A corpse was found under the courthouse’s doors, barely a few days after the trial ended. Who could possibly do it?

The blackmailer, as you all started calling the author of the letter only spoke about punishment in case Tartaglia was found innocent, and he wasn’t. Neuvillette and Furina did as they were asked.

A thought appeared in your mind that maybe the corpse was just a message some kind of, or a warning— but from who?

You stood in the kitchen, lazily chewing the sandwich (if you could call it) as you thought.

If not from the letter sender, then from who? And was it a warning message in the first place? Or maybe it was just a coincidence, although in that you would not believe, no matter what?

Whatever the answer was, you would find it.

You arrived at the crime scene fifteen minutes later, in your friend’s car. She filled you up on any details she missed on the phone, but she didn’t know much either.

Around the corpse were people already, so you could run first into asking around what happened. Neuvillette and Furina were standing a little away from the group, the woman visibly unsettled, despite the act she was putting on. Neuvillette had a firm hand on her shoulder, in the gesture of comfort.

You fought down a smile and walked up to them.

“Hello.” You nodded shortly to them, “Are you two alright?”

You winced internally at your own question. Furina didn’t look alright, of course she was not.

“Yes, we are alright.” Came Neuvillette’s answer, saving Furina from having to talk.

There was something about Neuvillette that not everyone knew. A little secret between you two that no one else knew.

“Mhm, that’s good to hear… Miss Furina, you were the one to find the body, yes?”

“Yes!” she exclaimed, “I came here and saw a man lying under the doors, and when I walked closer…”

She trailed off, covering her mouth with her hand. You didn’t look at the body, but… from your friend’s description and Furina’s reaction, it must have been a terrible, view.

“I can imagine it must have been quite the shock for you,” you sighed, internally shivering at the mental image in your head.

You asked her some more questions, noting everything in your mind. You kept them short, before letting her walk away from the crime place.

She saw no one around when she arrived, too panicked to look for anyone. It wasn’t a problem though, because you clearly remembered that there was a surveillance camera and the front doors were in its range. Someone would just have to check the recordings.

The police that arrived here were busy, your friend was talking with Furina and it was just you and Neuvillette. You gave him a quick glance before looking away.

“...how is Furina?” you asked, voice a tad quieter, a tad softer, now that you two were alone. You were close enough with Furina to drop the formalities and chat over cake and tea in your free time.

“She’s shaken, but well,” Neuvillette said, “She hid in her car upon discovering the body and called for me.”

“Smart,” you mumbled to yourself. She had no way to know if the murderer was still there, after all. You only wondered why she called Neuvillette instead of the police, but you figured that was just… her being herself.

Actually, you wondered about two things.

“...it isn’t in her style to be this early, though.” You looked at Neuvillette to see him give you a short nod.

“She said that she wanted to work on paperwork and cut the topic short.”

“Huh.” You furrowed your eyebrows slightly. That sounded unlike her, actually, “Do you really believe she would wake up this early to fill out some documents?”

You admired her greatly, but after working for so long alongside her and Neuvillette, you knew it was uncommon for her to act like that.

“It is unlike her, yes. I decided not to press further, not wanting to overwhelm her. She was already stressed enough because of discovering the body.”

You nodded and hummed to yourself.

“Do you… maybe have any idea why this all happened?” You raised your eyebrows at him, “Or, well, a theory?”

“I do not wish to jump into assumptions, but I believe this might be related to Fatui themselves. An important member of their organization got sentenced to jail, after all."

It was one of your theories, too. No one else fit the murder as much as the organization did.

"Could it be some sort of a warning?" you suggested. It wouldn’t be the first time Fatui did something so… unnecessarily violent to show a message. You hoped it wasn’t the case.

Neuvillette stayed silent for a moment, deep in thought before replying solemnly.

"I fear yes.”

You let out a heavy sigh. That… that was complicating everything so much. None of you was yet sure if it was Fatui’s doing, but if yes…

“If this… murder is related to Tartaglia’s case, then protecting Furina should be one of our priorities,” you said after a moment, the softness of your voice disappearing, letting firmness take its place, “She was the lead prosecutor for this case after all. It won’t hurt to take precautions, no matter who really stands behind this.”

Since everyone was still busy with their jobs, you reached out your hand to grab Neuvillette’s and give him a quick squeeze, dropping it right after.

“But I’m sure she’ll be fine either way, don’t worry.” You smiled warmly, lowering your voice and his own lips curled into a smile after a moment.

“...thank you,” he replied, also lowering his voice to keep this moment between you two.

The secret you shared was a warm feeling between you two, adoration and love shyly blooming in your hearts.

It started as stolen glances, unsure if you were even allowed to look at him like that. But then you once caught his own glance on you, and from that on, something started to bloom between you two.y Yet because of your jobs, you both had to be careful.

Neuvillette was adored by many, of course, you sometimes joked to yourself that you were dating a fontainian celebrity, but so he was hated by the people that he gave a guilty verdict to.

Not all, but enough, and while you didn't have actual enemies like he did, your job as the detective was still putting you at risk.

The glances stayed stolen, but with newfound fondness and warmth.

You opened your mouth to add something, but suddenly your friend called you over. You mouthed an apology to Neuvillette and walked to her.

She was talking with a police officer that was… holding a little, plastic bag, covered in blood. You swallowed.

There was something inside.

Your friend looked at you, a frown on her face.

"The man is missing his tongue and had… this," She pointed at the bag, "shoved in his mouth."

You felt chills appears on your back as you stared at the little bag.

A missing tongue and a plastic bag in its place, with a piece of paper inside it.

That couldn't promise anything good.

You still remembered a certain case from a little ago. You were lucky to usually work on rather… pleasant cases, as in not as brutal and violent as your co-workers would sometimes deal with, but that day, you stumbled upon a certain case. A messy contract with a criminal organization that ended with a man, a lowly The Steambird editor, who not only completely lost his mind, but also… his tongue.

Just like the man from the current case.

All the evidence that you found on the previous man, pointed out that he had an unfortunate deal with Fatui that ended with… well, not his death, but a part of you wondered if it wouldn’t be a better end for him.

You let out a deep breath, groaned, and layed your head on your desk, already tired of today. You truly had quite the luck lately! Curse you and whatever deity was watching over you.

The piece of paper found in the man’s mouth was, obviously, a very nice and kind message, with threats hidden between the lines. That could mean only one thing and it was that the Fatui indeed had a hand in this murder because of the entire Tartaglia case.

You were sure of it, since you had no other pointers and this seemed like the most likely case.

But it also meant that whoever was behind the first letter, was someone entirely else. You didn’t think anyone from Fatui would set up one of them, especially since you heard… surprisingly a lot about Tartaglia. He didn’t seem like someone so easy to throw out and replace.

Who, then?

Assuming it was true that he was framed, who could be powerful enough to frame someone like him? And do it behind Fatui’s back?

Maybe there was a missing part? Well, no, you obviously missed a lot yet. The camera recordings showed a pair of people bringing the man’s corpse under the courthouse’s doors, and then walking away, going inside a car and driving away, their little gift left on the doorsteps.

The victim still had to be identified, the pair of men too and they were vital to the case— you didn’t think they would willingly tell police who ordered them the murder (or if they killed the victim at all!), but maybe…

Assuming they were still alive, that is. You heard enough to let your imagination go wild at what could possibly happen.

…maybe too wild, when sudden anxiety started to blossom in your mind. The current situation was rather unpredictable, in you way you could tell what would happen next, and even with extra protection arranged for Neuvillette and Furina, you couldn’t help but worry about them.

But especially about Neuvillette. You loved him, after all. You didn’t know what would you do if anything ever happened to him.

You looked at your phone. You had currently… some kind of a break. Everything that just happened started to hit you only now, tiredness gnawing at your bones.

You needed some coffee. Something sweet to eat. A moment to collect your thoughts and continue worrying about the case and your lover later.

You took up your phone, and the receiver picked up the call a moment later.

“Neuvillette? Hello?”

“Hello, [name]. Is something the matter?”

Just hearing his voice seemed to raise your spirits a little.

“No, I just wanted to call you…” You smiled sheepishly to yourself and then added, with slight laughter in your voice, "I would invite you for dinner, but with all that happened earlier…"

Although you were planning to ask him out for dinner for some time now, just an evening spent together at your place, there was no time for such things now. It was a great shame, but you hoped that after all this, you two would find a moment of peace together.

For now, a phone conversation had to be enough.

To be honest, you called for no actual reason, more to just listen to his voice and maybe calm your mind a little, so for a moment, you two found yourselves in a comfortable silence.

There was a movie you watched a week ago. It was late when you watched it, you were planning to go to bed but while you were mindlessly switching channels, you saw a movie interesting enough to keep you up for the next hour. By now you forgot the name, but you told him about it either way.

He listened to all your words, even when you stumbled over the plot a few times, backtracking and trailing off when a part of the scene you were describing reminded you of something else.

He had a few of his own comments regarding the plot and certain scenes, like not understanding why people found a certain scene funny— to which you just… shrugged, not knowing either. The scene he mentioned was stupid, really, and yet it made you laugh so much when you first watched it, that even when describing it to him again you couldn’t help but let out a small laugh.

A charm of questionable but funny scenes, maybe.

Minutes passed on simply talking, smiling at your phone and laughing. Just talking with him seemed enough to help you recharge, but it also made you a little sad.

With you busy and the worry, already preparing itself to take a longer stay in mind, calls were probably the only way to spend time together like this. It wasn’t enough. You finished talking about the movie, ran out of thoughts to share, a moment passed.

"...you know, you have to be careful too,” you murmured, "I worry someone might try to attack either you or Furina, although I'm not sure if there would be anyone stupid enough to do that…"

You rolled your eyes at your own words. No one would, for sure, but…

"Point is, I still worry."

How could you not?

"You need not to worry, love.” You smiled at his words and soft tone and a part of you could swear he smiled. You hoped he did.

You heard him breathe, preparing to say something else, but at the same moment you heard someone calling out his name in the background, “...my apologies, it appears I am needed somewhere. I will call you later.”

“Sure, take care. I think my break is ending soon anyway,” you sighed, trying your hardest to now show disappointment in your tone.

The call ended after it, and yet you found yourself holding the phone next to your ear for a second, two more before putting it away. Your break was coming to an end anyway, it was about time you got up.

You just hoped that everything would end well.

(And yet soon, you would soon realize that nothing about this case would go well, nowhere close to how you hoped it would, and that your worst thoughts would come true.

But, maybe, just maybe, there still would be a place for a good ending?

You hoped, at least. And you would do everything to bring this case to a good ending.)

taglist: @ryuryuryuyurboat

#astronetwork #favoniuslibrary #・ nouveau livre ˎˊ˗#genshin impact x reader #neuvillette x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin impact imagines #neuvillette x you #gender neutral reader #heia's writin'#i wanna pass out not joking even the hell

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carcinized · 2 years

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hiya ollie ollie friend beloved hru !! im about to get off of tumblr because i am currently procrastinating a Big Project that i shouldve started like a week ago so uhhh. ye. but !! wanted 2 say hi

you are a little bit unhinged sometimes and i love that 4 u tbh u deserve it. not sure where that thought came from. youre also super cool i like the things that make you happy and i like how now whenever i see smth i know you like it makes me think of you

you're like. the reddish-pinkish-orange colors of a sunset. that's you. and upbeat but calm and a bit melancholy/nostalgic acoustic music. and sunlight shining through the blinds and the kind of rain where you can walk a block and it'll be sunny again

i think that you and me should be cats together. i dont think this is physically possible but i would like to be a cat and also with you. i think we would be really awesome cats together. like that one cats in love thing that you tagged me in saying it was c!tob and c!rain. that sounds neat

my school has a therapy dog who comes during lunch block sometimes now ! i met her today she's the sweetest <3 i am going to spend all lunch time with her tmrw tbh i think tomorrow is gonna be a day </3

OKAY uhh i gotta go put my laundry in the dryer and do this ffhfhfjghfjing project but !! was nice 2 pop in and leave a thought dump in your asks :) like old times hehe

btw do u like the url change :P charlie & some of my kotlc friends pressured me into it ToT but like. its kinda really funny,,,,

OKAY AGHGHFH its 8:30. i am not getting any sleep tonight huh. pensive. anyway !! love u ollie if i end up sending u a lot of random messages in the near future its bc i wanna talk 2 u more. no pressure obviously real life comes first but. you :)) cool friend :DD i just rly like talking to u owo

OKAY . BYE LOVE U !! how arre u also? how was ur day? give your kitties pats for me :3

HIIII SLAY KING!!!! GL ON THE PROJECT I ALSO HAVE TO WORK ON SOME OF MINE SOON LOL.

honestly i love being unhinged u should see me irl. Today one of my teachers nominated me to be a like idk student embassador thing and i told my friend and i was like “why would they pick ME to settle disputes??? id be TERRIBLE at that” and he was just like “yeah you would be.” 💔 he has no faith in me anyways i decided not to fill out the form to become one 😭 (also it just sounded like a lot of effort and talking about feelings neither of which i like)but awwwww thank you <3

but :OOOO that is very kind of you… also the rain thing that is so interesting to me, i think that you are right but also we dont have that sort of rain here it’s all or nothing here LOL i never really considered that!!! I think u are right tho

dont call me a cat boy 💔💔 im not a cat boy i swear

AWWWWW DOG WIDEPEEPOHAPPY!!!!! have a good Dog king that sounds nice

Ur skaying and yeah gl with all that!!! Its nice to hear from y :]]]

Im gonna be honest when i first read that i was like “what url change” and it took me like a solid 10 seconds to find it. Very subtle but yes i do like it :]

and yasss slay that assignment king. I need to start my 10 page paper on amongus soon it’s due like November or something and its Long but i want it to be good so i must start early. Early birds get the 10 page among us paper worm. And yaaaaa no worries king ! I am bad at messaging first so u can always message me, im just a little guy also my one incident whefe i was like IM DELETING ALL MY SOCIAL MEDIA I HATE THE INTERNET i chilleded now. i do hate the internet but also i like some parts so im just Cutting Back you are a good part !!!!! <3

WEEEE IM GOOD. I GOT KIND OF PISSED OFF LIKE 6 TIMES TODAY BUT IM NORMAL AGAIN. EXCEPT MY MANAGER DIDNT CALL ME BACJ YET AND IM READY TO THROW HANDS. but yaadssss im good i went and got boba today and dill pickle chips so <3 i willo7

#ask #stardust !

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literaila · 3 years

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hi i have a fic request: the reader and spencer were dating and instead of emily dying the reader “died”. and during the time that the reader was presumed “dead”, spencer met maeve and they started dated and everything and when the reader came back there was a ton of tension and awkwardness. and after maeve dies the reader comforts spencer and like they grow closer and get together? ty ily<3

the art of knowing

spencer reid x gn! reader

warnings: criminal minds themes, angst, fluff, death. all that fun stuff.

a/n: its four am. i take no credit for any of this. thank you for the request, my love.

he couldn't let go of that tiny piece of paper.

vaguely, he thought it might smell like you, still.

through the ceremony, through the tears, the stains on the vinyl flooring that everyone was walking on, the fresh grass, and the silence that followed when everyone had said goodbye-- he just couldn't let it go.

it was just a small piece of paper. a hastily scrawled-out letter to him, from you, that was on something only slightly bigger than a sticky note. he knew the words by heart, and even if he didn't, he could’ve guessed what it said.

he knew as soon as he saw it on his desk, as soon as he noticed the lone flower, the organization of the flies he’d left sprawled out. he knew that you’d been there, and he knew that you were gone. how could he not have known?

he couldn't get the question out of his head, and he couldn't get this paper out of his hand.

“goodbye, spencer” was quite possibly the last thing he would ever hear from you.

no, it was. he knew that.

god, he was sitting at your funeral, watching other people cry over you. he’d been asked to say something and he’d refused because you wouldn't want him crying on some podium in front of everyone else. because he wanted to save that for when he got home. he knew all of these things, and yet he still didn’t understand.

he had to face the truth, teach himself the reality.

he was still clutching the paper when derek came over, when he offered spencer a hand on the shoulder, his never-ending support.

spencer was trying to wipe away any hint of water that might be left on his face even though he knew that it would only irritate his eyes more. that he would cry some more today anyway.

“i’m sorry,” derek said instead of asking him what everyone else had asked him today. as if there was a difference in the responses they might get.

“you didn't do anything,” spencer said instead of telling him that he’d already said that. that he already knew. that he was sorry too.

“i didn't do enough,”

“there wasn't anything else you could do.” spencer didn't know why he was reassuring him, but, at least it distracted from the flowers everyone was laying on the ground.

“reid…”

spencer stood up, he clutched the paper in his hand harder, willing himself not to think of those last words again. he didn't look at derek, but he didn't walk away. his body was numb, his fingers felt like nothing. withdrawal, he could have told you. this is what heartbreak was. withdrawal from chemicals he’d grown dependent on.

but somehow, the science wasn't enough.

“i feel like i should have known,” he whispered, letting his eyes sting again. he didn't have the energy it would take to blink the tears away.

“known what?”

the scoff that followed the question was anything but kind. “two years. two years spent with y/n and i didn't even get the chance to know-” he could feel the words leaking out of his chest, flowing like blood, like there wasn't enough pressure. “a whole different life i didn't even know about.”

he was mad. he was so angry. he felt so guilty, but he couldn't feel anything but mad at the little piece of paper in his hands. the goodbye you had known he would need.

“we all have secrets,” derek said, another reassurance that just made spencer want to scream.

“yeah, and i’m supposed to know everything.”

it was just a tiny piece of paper. it wasn't you, it wasn't anything like the person he had known. you had died, you were dead, and you had died someone that spencer had never even known.

really, how couldn't he have known?

he’d known about addiction long before that day. long before he could ever properly understand what it was-- that you could be addicted to a person, too.

but, he also knew, he learned, that you could stop it. that you could put addiction in a drawer far away and move on with your life-- that you would take it out sometimes, just to look at it, and still it would be okay. that you could have more than just a second chance.

he knew that, now, then, before all of this, even.

spencer was a genius, and he knew now how grief worked. he knew how the passing of time could really heal a person.

he knew that he was falling in love with a voice.

that there were multiple stages to addiction.

and one of those was leaving you behind.

he… he didn't know who this person was.

he didn't, he just didn't understand who was standing in front of him, who was there, why you were standing there right in front of him.

awkwardly smiling.

you didn't exist anymore. not to him-- not to anyone. you were dead, you were sitting in the ground somewhere, you were a ghost flying above his head, telling him it was okay to move on.

you were there, standing in front of him.

he didn't know you. he didn't know those eyes, and he didn't know that smile, and he didn't know who he was when you were here. he didn't know how you were here.

so he asked.

“how?” he swallowed, tried to get that dried feeling out of his mouth.

“y/l/n’s identity was strictly ‘need to know’ and Paris was a safe place to be reassigned until their security was assured.”

apparently, it was now because you were standing in front of him.

you were standing in front of him, and he wasn't addicted to you anymore. he didn't care, and he couldn't feel anything, even when he willed himself to. he felt like the corpse, like he was the one who was burried in the ground-- like you were supposed to be.

but, no. no, because you were alive and he felt nothing.

and when you spoke, his heart didn't race. when he looked at your eyes, he didnt even classify them as familiar. they were something else, you were something else.

he knew beause he had your last words memorized, and these certainly weren't them.

and god, he certainly didn't know you.

it didn't take long to understand. not for you, who had known spencer better than you’d known anything before. not for you, who used to study his face, watch his expressions until you got bored-- just for fun.

it didn't take long to understand that something had changed, to see the difference in the air between the two of you. to feel it.

there was something different in his eyes, and, something had changed. even from the first moment he looked at you, that first pass of his eyes, even then. you knew.

how couldn’t you know?

they were different-- the brown, the swirl of colors, the familiarity. it was different. it was strange and terrifying, the change.

those eyes weren't looking at you the same, he wasn't looking at you like he used to.

and you knew that, you could feel it. so half an hour later when you were all walking out of the room, you had to chase him down. no after how determined he was to get away.

“spence-” you followed him, focused on nothing else. “spencer, hey-”

he turned around. you were shocked, by his eyes, by his frown. you took a step back, and you felt more than you possibly could in a hallway at the bureau.

“what?” he asked, and you weren't sure. what else was there to say? what were you supposed to know? how were you supposed to guess what had changed?

“i…” you willed your eyes not to sting, willed yourself not to be affected by this certain feeling in your chest. “i missed you?”

and maybe it was the wrong thing to say, maybe it was. but the scoff from spencer, the scoff hurt.

“i missed you too, when i thought you were dead.”

you stepped back, hurt, concerned, anything but the happiness you’d hoped to feel when you finally saw him again. his words were unfamiliar, his eyes were unfamiliar, and you still didn't know what to say.

how were you supposed to fix this?

“i’m sorry,” you whispered, looking down. you felt small now. you didn't understand, no matter how much you thought you might.

you’d died, you knew. you were gone for months, but you’d missed him. you’d spent every day, every single one of them, hoping, dreaming, wanting to go back to him. you wanted to touch him, to hear his voice, to listen to him even if it was over a cellphone. you wanted to be alive to him, to be his still. you just wanted him back.

you’d spent every day wanting him back.

but now, now all you wanted to do was to feel bigger. you wanted to see him smile, to know what had changed. you wanted the truth and nothing short of it.

“y/n, i…”

and this. this wasn't anger. his voice, quiet as it always was, beautiful as it always had been, desperate like you’d never heard before-- his voice was full of guilt, of shame you couldn't recognize.

“i’m glad you aren't dead.”

“ha,” you deadpanned, angry now at the sound of his voice. angry now at the feeling building in your chest. you weren't used to him anymore, you didn't know him the same anymore. but still, you knew too much.

“really, really glad, but i’ve,” his voice cracked, his eyes fell, his body was slouching. you knew how to read this, you would’ve known even if it wasn't him.

you didn't want to hear the next words, but you had to, and you did.

“i met someone- i-”

and maybe it was grief, maybe it was anger, maybe it was desperation, but you smiled. maybe it was an effort to be enough.

“it's okay, spencer.”

those words were such lies, but you had to believe them, you had to feel like you believed them. you owed him that.

“if you’re happy, then it's okay. that's all i’ve wanted, all i could hope for in-” you swallowed, took a breath that was just enough to keep you from falling on the floor, from begging at his feet. “paris,” you smiled wider, you took a step back, but this time just to give him space. “its okay,” you repeated.

and that had to be enough. it had to be enough because you were walking away.

but, really, spencer was the one who was leaving you behind. you should’ve understood sooner-- because how could you not have known?

you didn't bother to look at him.

it had been three weeks. three weeks since you’d broken up-- officially for you since you’d never actually gotten the chance to before, but you supposed you couldn’t actually break up with a corpse. three weeks since you’d smiled and walked away.

it had to be what was best for him. if spencer could find someone who made him happy, if spencer could find someone in the minuscule months you’d been gone, if spencer could move past you, then he deserved to. you couldn't be the one to stop that, and you wouldn't be mad because, honestly, you’d done it to yourself.

and he couldn't be mad because you weren't. because you’d let him go and he had no more reason to be mad. he could even go back to pretending you didn't exist if he wished to.

so you were both content. you both worked with each other, you both avoided eyes. you couldn't bother to look at him or his eyes when all you wanted to do was scream at the feeling in them.

because you’d known that feeling--before. because you’d been on the other end of that feeling before, because your eyes had mirrored his before, and because you knew how that felt.

and you were desperate to get it back. you wanted to pull him back, force him to stay in the cocoon of the two of you. you wanted to claw at him and never allow him to move away.

but that was selfish. you’d already been selfish enough. you’d made him grieve you, and now you had to return the favor.

the difference between the two of you was that you didn't know enough about addiction. you didn't know that despite the time that had passed, your withdrawal had never actually gone away. you didn't know how it worked and so you didn't know that it was still there.

you just saw the look in his eyes. a look you’d used to create. the look of love, of admiration, of hope. love, you used to feel, you think.

when you looked at him all you could see was the feelings he had for someone else.

so no, you didn't bother to look at him.

here was what spencer knew about grief: it passed. it was just withdrawal until it wasn't. love was just another addiction, just some more chemicals in your brain, just an idea that you clung to.

it would pass, he knew.

but how could he have known this would happen again?

it would pass, eventually.

but how was he supposed to live through it twice, but really only once?

because you were still here. because you were alive, and not dead, and you were walking him home. you were making sure he got there safe.

and you weren't dead, but she was.

and how was spencer supposed to cope with that?

how could he grieve, when he really didn't know how?

if this had been a fraction of what it was like when spencer thought you died, if this was anything like that-- you couldn't bear to see it.

it was like repetition, it was like deja vu, like a memory.

you saw his eyes, and you saw his hopelessness, and you saw yourself reflected back in the colors of his face. you saw the grief, the pain, the anger, the loss.

you couldn't bear to watch this, not then, not now. not when you still felt angry, not when you were still angry.

they had all pleaded with you-- go talk to him, they said. talk to him, you’ll understand.

but that wasn't fair because spencer hadn't died for you. you’d left him and spencer had survived. it wasn’t fair because you still hadn't learned how to deal with any of it. you still couldn't let go, move on, as he had.

so then, why were you standing in front of his door, holding a card addressed to spencer from all of your friends?

well, you couldn't bear to stay away. and you almost couldn't bear to face him when he opened the door, but somehow, you did. somehow, you spoke first.

“hi, spencer,” you said, waving at him, moving back a little, just to give him some space.

“what’re you…” he looked around, looking for someone with you, someone else. his voice was rough like he hadn't talked in days. he looked like a skeleton, standing there in front of you. “...doing here?” he looked you up and down, but he wasn't really looking at anything.

you noticed the hand he had on the door, the subconscious way he had begun to close it, the hand he was holding over his chest, blocking you from him.

“the team sent me, they’re really worried,” your voice was shaking, and you had no idea why. “i brought a card from them, and- and i wanted to see how you were doing.”

his brows furrowed, like what you’d said didn't make any sense. you copied him, concerned with your own sanity. wondering again, why you were here?

“no offense,” he started, standing up taller, looking and sounding anything like spencer, anything but pleasant. “but we aren't really friends, are we?”

there was some irritation rolling up your spine at his words, but his face was innocent. he wasn't being malicious, he wasn't trying to make you feel ridiculous, and he wasn't trying to hurt you anymore. he was too kind for that, you knew.

you took a breath in, tried to smile. “i guess not,” you sighed, looking down at the ground with unmistakable shame, but then you looked back up. “but, i care about you. i want to be here for you. i- i want to be.. here.”

and no matter how closed off he looked, no matter how strange his face looked, no matter how much you knew he didn't want to, he opened the door and let you in.

and that was how it started. your friendship with spencer.

really, who could’ve known?

"i like your apartment," you said while the two of you walked through it. while spencer led you through whatever this strange place was.

"yeah, well, i couldn't keep the apartment after..." he trailed off, no remorse, no feeling in his voice.

you went to sit on his couch, strange and different, but he stayed standing. he paced around the floor, mumbling things under his breath you couldn't understand.

the tightlipped smile you had on your face was doing nothing to conceal your emotions.

"after i died."

he looked up at that, shocked by your crudeness. you rolled your eyes, pulling off your jacket.

"that's a shame, i really liked that kitchen."

spencer bit his lip, continued his pacing, muttered "i know" under his breath. his irritation would've made you laugh if he wasn't looking so insane.

you saw the bottles on the table, the mugs laying around, the papers and books thrown across the floor-- all the things you didn't want to see, you saw them. and you almost couldn't bear it, almost tried to pretend you still hadn't noticed them. but, you were familiar with this.

he did this before when he was still in love with you. when he was stressed.

despite how hard you might try, you couldn't just forget everything about him.

"do i need to ask spencer?" your voice was softer now, quieter. you knew him, and he knew what you were asking.

"do you really want the answer, y/n?" he retorted, rolling his eyes.

maybe sometime, you'd tell him that his defense mechanism was sarcasm. maybe sometime, you'd let him know how annoying it could be.

"it's not going to be what i want, but, neither is anything else." it was a subtle remark about the situation, you hoped spencer hadn't heard those last couple of words. "i don't want this for you, spencer, but i'm here to listen, and so i will."

he stopped pacing, stopped stepping over books and around paperwork. he stopped moving, and it reminded you of that night.

it reminded you of him collapsing in on himself, it reminded you of the anger you knew you didn't deserve to feel, the relief you knew you would never get.

it reminded you of further back when all you could do was smile and let him go.

you'd known him for so long, but you'd never seen him broken like this.

your thoughts distracted you from spencer, who was sitting next to you now, running an agitated hand through his hair, turning himself away from you.

"do you know what grief does to the body?" he asked.

yes, you could have answered. yes, im feeling it right now.

but instead, you said "no," and waited for him to continue.

he did, begrudgingly, a few moments later. "the shock factor causes a spike of adrenaline in your system-- a lot like someone gets in a bad accident --and then when the adrenaline wears off, your body has no choice but to succumb to the pain."

and you, well, you could have told him that, but you let him continue.

"a lot of people have documented actual inflammation which attributes to health issues after a loved one has..." he stopped there. he paused, and his eyes were gone. his feeling was gone, his words were gone.

you could practically see him disappearing on the couch, right next to you.

you could see him slipping away, the reality sinking in further than it could before, and so, you started talking.

you had to say something, and this would have to be enough. your remorse for him would have to be enough to get you through this.

because otherwise, how could you stand it?

"do you ever get that moment in the morning, when you've temporarily forgotten everything bad and it just feels... peaceful?" the words were a shock to both of you. the sound of your voice.

you weren't looking at him, but the wall, willing yourself not to feel that reminder. not to think of any of it. "do you ever get that?" you repeated, eyes off.

spencer nodded, small, hard for you to see when you were actively trying not to look at him-- but enough to continue.

"it's like our conscious and subconscious make a pact, to give us that split second of peace." you laughed, bittersweet, and looked at him. you turned towards him, making sure he was looking at you.

making sure he couldn't tell what you were thinking about, that this was about anything but him.

"when that relief happens, spencer, you have to grab hold of it-- just hold onto it."

he stared at you, brows furrowed.

"you reach, and you grab it, and you keep it." you nodded along with your words, feeling that sick crawling up your chest, feeling that grief along with all the guilt.

this wasn't fair to him, you knew that, but if this could help-- even a little bit --you had to try.

"why...?" spencer tried to start, clearing his throat to keep his word from breaking.

"that's how you get past it." you motioned to him, to the floor, to the things all around his home, and finally, to yourself. "passed all the shock, and adrenaline, and all the sick."

spencer was looking down, not at you anymore, not at anything.

you used to know those eyes, you were sure. you used to understand every thought that ran through his head, you used to remember the person you had been with him. you used to be able to think of him without cringing, without that sick feeling in your stomach, wrapping itself around you like a blanket.

you used to understand, and now you didn't. but this had to be enough. this had to be enough for you, to be here with him.

"okay?" you asked, softer, gently. "okay?" you repeated.

and he nodded.

you went over once a week. just for the first couple of months. you went over to spencer's, you watched movies, you held his hand and squeezed his shoulder.

you managed not to tear yourself into pieces, managed to actually smile when you were around him. you managed to do it all, managed to do enough to keep the nightmares away, to keep those circles from under his eyes.

and that's all you wanted, really. that's all you needed. as long as spencer was okay, okay as he could be, as long as he was coping, moving on, doing everything a normal human being should. as long as he was doing all of that, you didn't need anything else.

and, and if there was a tiny piece of you, locked away in all the dark parts you tried to keep secret-- if there was a piece of you that was hopeful, that was holding onto something other than just tiny moments, if there was a piece of you that thought maybe he would just-

if there was any piece of you that thought differently, well, you would ignore it.

you went over once a week, just to make sure he was okay.

and really, where was the harm in that?

"'the shining' tonight?" he asked, walking alongside you, carrying the coffee you had just bought for him.

"why do you insist on watching that at least once a month-"

"this is actually only the third time,"

"it was enough the first two." he smiled at you, and you couldn't keep the grin from slipping back.

"sounds good," he concluded, walking along.

and if you followed him, well, you were just being a good friend.

"do you think i should get a haircut?" you asked, walking around his desk, prancing more like. prancing like he was your prey and you were about to eat him.

the thought made you giggle.

"your hair looks fine," he answered, not really paying attention. instead, he was marking something off of a page, flipping to the next one in barely a second.

"real nice, spence. as long as you think it's fine-"

"did you know that the average person gets around 150 haircuts in their lifetime?"

"yeah, spencer, and all those people have dead ends," you groaned and he hummed.

and if you liked the way the light was reflecting off of his face, hiding the shadows you knew were there, well, you were just bored.

"spencer-" he was running away from you, running away from whatever ghost was following him.

you had to stop chasing him, but somehow, you knew you wouldn't be able to even if you tried.

"spencer, will you just-" you tried again, running far enough ahead so that you could stand in his way.

you couldn't bear to see the blank look in his eyes, the emotionless void you would never get used to.

"yes?" he asked, like you were a child like you were a little kid and you needed him to fix something.

it was condescending and rude and you just wanted to yell at him-- to yell at yourself for being irritated.

"are you okay?" you asked instead. you hated the words, but you hated this feeling more.

"i'm fine." and then he attempted to get past you.

"spencer, those girls, they were all-"

"all what, y/n? all shot? all murdered?"

"that's not what i mean-"

"that's the job, y/l/n. you should know that."

he was gone after that. disappearing, like you both had before.

and, if you wanted to scream, to bang your fists against the wall until it broke, to beg him to just listen to you, to sleep in his bed and watch him while he slept, well. you were going to ignore it. grief wasn't an object, and it wouldn't go away.

you would know.

some nights, particularly on the ones when spencer was busy, when there was a case and you weren't supposed to be sneaking into each other's hotel room, on those nights you felt colder than you ever had before.

you felt that feeling again-- the one spencer had taught you about.

the sick that almost made your insides collapse. the sick that was going to fill you to the brim until it couldn't anymore, numb you to the very edge. the sick that had been there for over a year, a long year full of death. full of life and nothing but destruction. the infection that should've been gone ages ago.

on those nights, you tried to hold onto reality, tried to remind yourself of what had actually happened.

it was all a chain of events, really. and it was truly all of your fault.

you couldn't be angry because if you wanted to be angry at someone, it had to be yourself.

it couldn't be spencer, or maeve, or hotch, or the universe.

just you.

and the sick would pass, you knew. the next day when spencer would hand you your coffee mug, when he would say something-- anything --and you would listen. it would all go away.

and if those feelings, if that reality that you kept trying to avoid, if that wouldn't go away, well. you were going to have to let it go because you couldn't keep going like this. pretending.

honestly, how couldn't you know?

recently, the effort you'd put into keeping at least a three-foot distance between you and spencer was tireless.

to give him space, obviously. to avoid bumping into him when you were walking, to keep yourself from tripping into him.

it was just convenient, you told yourself. nothing else to it.

except, on this night, after a long day at work, after spencer had sat down right next to you with a book in hand, so much closer than you wanted. well, you couldn't just simply move away.

there was no space on this couch anyway.

technically, you were supposed to be watching a movie. technically, spencer had picked this one out-- something about the discovery of water, you thought --and you had no interest in it. technically, he was completely ignoring it.

before, two years ago-- almost, that was. almost two years without him. before, two years ago, you would've bickered with him about it until he gave in. until he put down the book, clicked a button on the remote you'd misplaced, and lean in so close to you that you could barely breathe. it was a routine, you were sure, and back then you wondered if he brought the book out just so you would tease him about. like it was an excuse to kiss you if he needed one.

not that you were thinking about that. not that he was doing it again. not that it mattered, honestly.

just a memory that hit you, is all, as you stared at the screen, pretended to listen to the words when all you wanted to do was put some distance between the two of you.

it was getting hard not to feel that pull, not to let that feeling trap you.

"spencer," you whispered, glancing at him out of the corner of your eye.

he hummed instead of answering, didn't look up from the page.

"you're cold,"

he quirked an eyebrow at you, turning towards you only slightly. he was only a little bit closer now, but it only proved you were lying some more.

he was desperately hot.

"do you need a blanket?" he asked, the picture of innocence.

at least one of you was.

"no, just maybe a little more space. don't want to get hypothermia," you coughed, an attempted laugh maybe, and tried to move away.

"you're not showing any of the symptoms of hypothermia-- are you fatigued, or is your heart racing?"

you would've laughed if he wasn't moving his face closer to yours, trying to check your pupils discreetly.

"um, no, spencer. i was kidding, i'm just going to--" you moved, an inch, and then another, smiling at him.

it wasn't too suspicious. and the movie was halfway over.

"okay,"

and you looked back at the screen...

only to feel his eyes on you a moment later. you turned your head slightly. he hadn't picked his book back up, hadn't moved an inch from before.

"aren't you going to read your book again so you can keep bothering me, reid?"

you didn't need to look to see the smile. "is it bothering you?"

you threw your head back, turning so he could see you roll your eyes. his brown ones, impossibly bright, impossibly beautiful were staring back at you, mischievous. you bit the inside of your cheek and then laughed.

"no, of course not, spencer." you turned towards the tv again. "i am very interested and equally involved in the discovery of water," you waved your hand for him to continue.

"that's not actually what..." he trailed off, freezing at something.

"are you okay?" this time, you didn't hesitate to move closer to him, to place a hand on his shoulder and get him to look at you.

his heat was excruciating and addicting. a dangerous combination.

but your concern beat your stupid feelings, and so, you didn't move away.

"deja vu..." he said, head-turning, eyes looking down on you.

"what?"

"we've done this before," was all he said, continuing to stare like he didn't know what was happening. staring at you with strange eyes, strange wide eyes.

it was only scaring you a little bit. you didn't understand.

"we've never watched this movie before," you reassured as if he was worried about that. as if that was the problem.

"no," he said, moving a foot closer, breaking the boundary you had put between the two of you. "no, but we've done this before."

he was too close, now.

"spencer... what?" you looked from the screen to him, nervously, trying not to feel intimidated, small. he hadn't been this close in so long.

"just-" and then he was leaning in. he was leaning close enough for his breath to trail across your skin, close enough that you could feel the heat radiating from his cheek, that you could barely see his eyes anymore.

close enough to kiss you.

but, you couldnt breathe like that.

and so, with all the grace you had, you moved back. so far back, and put your knees up as a barrier between the two of you. anything to keep him away.

"um, spencer i don't know if you forgot-" he tried to interrupt, but you weren't paying attention. "i died, remember? and then- and then, um, you moved on and, we haven't done that in a long time and-"

“y/n-"

"-we're just friends, right? and friends don't really get that close- we shouldn't get-" but he was, he was getting that close, and your stuttering was slowing because you couldn't focus on anything but him.

"i remember," spencer whispered, but his eyes weren't on yours anymore. no, they were on your lips, staring down at the place he hadn't bothered to look at in two years. at your face, which he hadn't seen until now.

"we cant-"

"can i kiss you?" he asked, instead of paying attention, instead of remembering, instead of understanding that this was going to tear you from the inside out.

"i don't think that's a good idea, spencer, i really don't..." you trailed off because he was moving back.

"i'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to," he promised, looking so beautiful, speaking so plainly.

and those words, they made your heart start beating again. because who was he to assume?

"no! it's just- we haven't kissed. we don't kiss, anymore."

it was a painful reality, and you almost felt bad for saying it when you saw the wince on spencer's face, but, it was the truth. you couldn't deny either of you from the truth.

"i know it's familiar, and maybe comforting, but i don't think it's a good idea." you breathed in once, wanted to scream at yourself for saying those words. wanted to scream because you'd wanted to kiss spencer since the moment you'd stopped.

"no, that's not why i want to kiss you," his voice broke on the word kiss, and you attempted to scramble yourself on the couch, to move so that he wouldn't have the opportunity to convince you.

it wouldn't take much.

"it'll just hurt us both more, spencer." your voice was monotone because you weren't sure if you could get this out any other way. the stinging around your eyes had to be fake because you weren't crying.

honestly, you didn't care.

and then, spencer got up, walked away.

and you had to care. you had to care because, despite the fact that he'd left you, that you'd been grieving for him for the last two years, that you missed him more than it was possible to miss another person-- despite all of that, he was your best friend.

he'd become your best friend, had been that since you'd first met, and you couldn't let that go now.

so you followed, you followed again, and called his name again, and begged him to come back, for the first time out loud.

but when he came back out of his bedroom, all you heard was the crinkling of paper.

you just saw spencer's never-ending serious face, but, mixed was the tiniest him of embarrassment. the pink splattered across his cheek, the hesitation to look at you.

he was holding something.

"what's that?" you asked, distracted from the issue, momentarily focused on just him and not the past.

except, when he held it up, you could see that it was the opposite.

"it's the letter you wrote me when-" he swallowed, smiling a sad smile at you and then looking down again. "when you left."

you'd left it on his desk, so he'd find it first. so that he would be the first one to know.

"oh," you breathed out, shocked, sick.

"i kept it because it was the last piece i had of you," he folded it into tiny pieces, then unfolded it along the creases. it looked like a practiced motion "i used to keep it in my shirt pocket, but when i met maeve, i put it in my bedside drawer."

goodbye, spencer. you'd wrote. you'd cried while writing it, cried while you drove away, cried when you woke up in the hospital, cried every night after you came back.

it was excruciating to leave without spencer, but you'd learned it was worse to have him leave you when you were still there.

you'd have traded that feeling for anything else.

you breathed in, shakily. you didn't like these memories, you didn't like that he was digging them back up, but you had to listen. you wouldn't leave, now.

"i put it in my bedside drawer because it's important to keep mementos-- its actually a method of coping, and some people believe it strengthens relationships, and you were gone, but i thought that-" he stopped. took a deep breath in, closed his eyes and counted to three. you could tell, you knew him that well.

you smiled, despite the stinging in your eyes, the pricks on your skin, the crawling up your stomach.

"i kept it because it was the last words i got from you, and i couldn't let that go. i still cant, y/n."

you couldn't process these words, you couldn't process this feeling. it was detrimental, and you had noting you could say.

"i don't know if you can ever stop loving someone, i mean," he snorted, looked right at you like he didn't know what he was saying. "i know you can learn to love someone else, but, i don't know if you can ever get rid of that feeling... of that-" and he was still looking at you, but he wasn't talking anymore.

and you weren't breathing because this was a dream, because you would not allow yourself to wake up from this, and you would not start crying in front of him.

you were selfish selfish selfish.

"i don't know how i couldn't have known i was still in love with you, but i didn't, and now," his eyes, his voice, his entire demeanor softened. he was molding, changing right in front of you. it had to be impossible. "i do. i know."

spencer had never spoken this much, he didn't confess, he didn't not know things, so this had to be fake. it had to be.

"spencer," you gasped out, shocked by the sound of your own voice. shocked to find out that you still couldn't breathe.

shocked to watch him move forward, smile the same smile you thought you might've fallen in love with.

"you know now, so, can i kiss you?"

you couldn't remember the last time the two of you had kissed. you thought that it might've been right before bed that night, that you might've kissed him on his forehead while he was sitting on his desk, that he might've kissed up your neck while you cuddled each other to sleep.

but you couldn't remember.

and so, it was painful to even utter the word "yes".

it was painful to feel that again. that lovely, lovely feeling.

his lips against yours, softer than you could remember, slower than you'd ever imagined possible. so much better than you could've thought another persons lips could be.

and you wanted to gasp, to breathe, but you didn't dare move away from him.

this was too good, this was too waited for, this was too painful to move back.

and so you didn't and neither did he. neither of you could.

you grabbed at each other, threaded your hands through his hair, held onto his face like you would never let go, and you kissed him like you loved him.

because you did.

and then, when you did break, when you were sure, you moved back and couldn't stop the slip of "spencer" that came from your lips.

your puffy, recently kissed lips.

and when you finally got the courage to open your eyes, the most beautiful smile you could've seen was there. waiting for you.

"you're my moment." spencer said, he whispered as if it was a realization.

"what?" you asked, still breathless, still addicted to a kiss you hadn't allowed yourself to think of, really, in two years.

"that moment in the morning, the moment of peace when everything is still good... you're my moment."

your heart stopped again. stopped, because this was you, these were your words coming from his lips.

"do you remember?" he asked, thinking of those words from those months ago, those words you'd told him in an effort to comfort yourself. to remind yourself that he was still there.

you nodded and spencer smiled.

"you're my peace and my relief, y/n," he pulled your face closer to his, leaned in, and it was like nothing you'd ever felt before.

his smile, his lips, his words.

this was a strange feeling.

"i'm holding onto you, now. i don't think i can let go,"

these weren't his words, but they were enough.

you were smiling, you realized. even with the tear stains down your face, even with the puffy lips, even with the heartache and the addiction, even with the years between the two of you.

you were smiling.

"i love you, spencer."

and so was he.

because really, how couldn't you have known?

my masterlist here.

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #Spencer Reid fic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfic #spencer x reader #spencer reid fan #spencer reid sad #Criminal Minds #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #Criminal Minds Reid #fanfic

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pinksnow · 2 years

Text

HI THE DRAFT THAT DIDNT SAVE JUST NOW SUDDENLY APPEARED HOURS LATER??? ITS 10PM I WROTE THIS FIRST ONE AT 5PM HELP! WELL IM NOT DELETING IT I CANT ILL CRY SO HERES THE TIMELINE AGAIN NOT WRITTEN IN AGONY LIVE LAUGH LOVE X

abridged timeline of the au from yours truly (pink)

- gen 1 addisons with the birth of the internet lol

- mid gens appear eventually which is what spamton is

-nboth of these gens are are susceptible to code glitches causing them to become worms

- yeah computer worms specifically are corrupted addisons lol

- spamton had an originally friend group of a gen 1 pink addison and 2 mid gens, blue and yellow

- they all got wormed except for ogpink

- spamton is a shitty horrible way of coping befriended the addisons we know because hee hee they look like my dead friends

- ogpink is like. ok. this is the worst way to go about this. spamton does not care LOL

- btw hope you don't mind ships bc we are supergluing blue and spamton together since he was closest to spamton canonly and also im just a sucker

- so ^ mostly befriended them all because our blue looked like his ogblue which he was crushing on and like. oh my god dude. mf you are really using this person as a replacement

- after a year or so idk he starts seeing blue as blue, just himself, not ogblue

- asks ogpink for dating advice LOL

- woo blue mission accomplished everyone go home

- ((gestures)) not many notable things here they're just living their best life. blue and spamton go out on dates and slow dance thats important because i use those to create agony later

- yadda yadda gaster phone call whatever i dont need to explain this

- becomes increasingly distant to them all and blue

- not a good look bro

- eventually they cant contact spamton

- spamtom and blue tried to see eachother but. spamton cant get out of all the constant meetings and photoshoots and deals to sign

- everyone is now very pissed at spamton because blue is now being emo in his room while spamtons face is everywhere yet he cant even go see him

- my mans boyfriend basically ghosted him LOL

- not only pissed but theyre all very, upset too

- yellow goes around breaking billboards and posters and anything spamton related he can get his hands on hoping itll grab spamtons attention (it wont hes got employees to take care of little things like that lol. he isnt even aware of what yellows doing)

- orange is talking to the mannequin as if it was spamton himself. man. you need therapy

- blue you already know is moping in his room listening to fucking radiohead LOL

- pink. pink. pink pink pink pink. this is where shit gets good. my man. my dude. he decides that the best way to cope with this is obviously to go around and find werewires and virovirokuns and anyone else to fight in alleyways. he takes that freezering and he goes to town. its all downhill from here folks

- spamton eventually puts out a job for a personal assistant and does EVERYTHING he can to make sure its very hidden from the general public and tries so so so hard to get blue to pick up the spot because then theyll finally be together all the time again. fucks sake he prints the ad in the newspaper that goes round to their house but blue never sees it

- despite his best efforts he hears one day they chose the absolute best candidate for the job. he hopes to god its blue

- its not its thiis fucking green bitch named Novarg

- hates this man for a solid month bc it should be blue there not him

- anyways ((gestures)) whatever more time passes

- 2000 ILOVEYOU computer worm appears. which is ogpink. he got wormed. spamton is. well he is not doing very well after that

- did i mention spamton is wormed ((smiles))

- did you guys know the second worst worm in the world is called SOBIG i think thats funny anyways thats spamton lol

- gaster behind the scenes trying so fucking hard to make sure spamton doesnt completely lose it bc thatll fuck up EVERYTHING

- worms spread by infecting ppl which can be cured easily but the worms themselves cant be cured

- i say this bc what spamton is unknowingly doing is making people think theres nothing wrong. you see the slight puppet joints appearing on his hands and mouth and you dont even register it. they see spamton suddenly rise and get his hands on every product everywhere and dont register that only a worm could spread this fast. yes im making the puppet features a wormed thing i can do whatever i want

- blue and nova notice though. blue because well of course hes staring all those spamton images and also because you know damn well those two explores eachothers bodies. lol

- nova asks spamtom about the finger joints one day and spamtons like what joints and thats when nova realizes oh he doesnt even know himself im gonna stay quiet then

- ((gestures again)) gaster cuts off spamton in 2004. why 2004. because. because. thats when the mydoom virus appeared. also known as novarg, thats right bitches ((slaps knee))

- everything is suddenly falling apart and spamton has a huge breakdown and without gaster there doing his freaky shit my mans does start glitching the hell out like a worm

- nova tries to help calm him down anyways, gets infected, due to spamtons code being unbelievably fucked up it mutates/rewrites itself when it yoinked novarg and just made him a completely new worm. which happens to be the worst one in the world. you see what i did i made the worst one derive from the code of what was the worst at the time. lol

- you know some swatchlings saw this happen and were like. oh my god hes wormed.

- nova at this point has probably already gone crazy and is just doing his own thing, ykno, destroying stuff, as a worm does

- spamton gets his ass thrown in the acid as an attempt to kill him because worms are very dangerous very big deal

- yeah im making his reason for an acid bath this instead, listen this au is already off the rocks

- he is 🤏🤏 tiepnsy now. hes still wormed but hes just like a fucked up rat now LOL

- well now news is out that spamton is dead ((like hell theyre saying he was a worm))

- its assumed nova killed him

- well see now our beloved addisons are REALLY depressed

- orange is straight up acting like the mannequin IS spamton hes in. such heavy denial dear god

- yellow is still breaking stuff

- blue is just even sadder now lol

- pink. a heem heem whimper. folds my hands. he also believes nova killed him and hea dead set on getting back at him. he goes out of his way to find them. of course he doesn't recognize nova AS nova, no one does, its just the MYDOOM worm, but its easier to say nova LOL

- this is when pink first uses snowgrave. he is at his limit. he never ever wanted to use it but now is a great time. well. well that went pretty badly

- half the fight is him getting knocked around by nova because he has to get 200tp to cast it in the first place so hes just running around

- when he DOES though, good god

- thats it hes gone you are dealing with this white eyed freak now. nova only barely escapes with their life due to being a computer worm but he got so fucked up

- pink snaps out of it after the fight is over thankfully and is like what the fuck happened

- only gets worse from here he keeps blacking out and he never remembers anything and after a few years at some point the magic in the ring just kinda. goes in him. its not even the ring anymore. why? bc i said so lol

- after years it gets to a point where its noticable, like before he just kinda went around in alleyways but now whole streets are getting freezed and you just see frozen ppl everywhere and its like damn bro!

- this dude sets the city into a fucking artificial winter it happens so much. bro its not supposed to SNOW here what is going on

- obviously a lot of snow is made when using snowgrave but also just when hes using any attack now so you can just barely make out his silhouette, which leads to those who were able to run away before being spotted only seeing a humanoid outline

- which well. ykno. they assume its a human, a lighter, bc of that

- why would they ever guess its an addison, worms haven't been a problem for years now since only firsts and mids really got wormed, and a worm wouldn't be using ice magic, and addisons alone on their own obviously cant attack

- so like ((gestures)) yeah

- pink in the snowgrave state goes and finds spamton for the thornring bc he KNOWS he has it and getting that ring would make casting so much easier, bro it cuts tp cost in half

- spamton fights for his god damn life!

- also only barely makes it out bc worm

- blue is also out looking for pink

- finds spamton

- insert the image from the you have no idea ask

- found lost boyfriend, is wormed, is also small, is also half dead, says pink tried to kill him

- thats way too many crisises to deal with at once !!

- runion stuff idk he screams when pink walks thru the door lol

- they dont all really fully believe spamton until blues out one day during a particularly bad snow attack in a part of town bc he knows pink is out and it like. i gotta get this bitch home

- THEN he sees its actually pink. jawdrop. deer in headlights

- being in a life or death situation and being determined to not die makes his soul go ah time to wake up i guess heres a cursor thats a harpoon

- yeah addisons cant use magic unless theyre put in a situation that calls for it or they r really trying. like i mean they can create pop-ups and little cursors but not like full on magical shit like a god damn harpoon

- he does not know what hes doing he just throws them around to distract pink and fucking BOOK it

- some time passes this little routine starts where blue goes and spars with pink to keep him from targeting others

- they have not all yet told pink in fear of his reaction to himself and what hes done

- pink believes the lightner theory going around and theyre all like yep uhhuh so true pink

- im getting way too tired hunched over my phone writing this im wrapping it up my bones are killing me

- idk stuff happens spamton gets his ass in the neo suit and the addisons are there and hes beating their ass bc him in the neo suit is basically what he should've been like at full potential as a worm. hes so big. get it lol

- all the worms are actually hiding down in his broken down part of the city

- being away from society for years their infection code has like. just kinda shut off

- they're just kinda freaks now

- iloveyou jumps onto blues cart like hey man need some help

- seeing dangerous computer worm thought to be dead is obviously not going ovee very well with blue

- smth happens they fall down into the broken city and while yellow orange and pink are trying their damnest to stop spamton and get him to snap out of it and listen, blue is about ready to beat iloveyous ass as is he

- gets infected by iloveyou, his emotions are so overwhelming at the moment that its enough to keep the code telling him to go around and infect at bay

- now theres just a very angry and upset blue with hearts floating around him and a heart harpoon ready to beat ass

- mans powered up

- look at the first post of this blog lol

- idk eveyrhting is fine they all reunite

- spamton has some fucking.explaining to do and relationships to fix

- whatever idk thr worms help pink train and get his magic under control and spamton can go to neo at will

- worms code is still like dead so they don't have to worry anymore. if you ask about blue i mean the instinctive drive to infect is gone they can still do it though lol

- iloveyou gets a baggy hoodie to hide himself so he can go out in the public again and tag along w/ one of the addisons

- eventually is brave enough to go out on their own

- newer gen addisons notice little hearts under their hood and pulls it down. ogpinks freaking out but theyre all like omg how are you doing that is it like a new accessory

- anyways ogpink goes outside normally now without hiding. yeah theres still people who recognize them but everyone just stares at them if they make a scene like bro this is just our local heart guy chill out

- whatever whatever happy endings spamton makes up with everyone here you go thanks for coming

yes nova is there you dont think him and spamton didnt fuck over the desk at least once. also ogblue. lol.

#this is so long and its not even in full detail #not even in full detail!#ive spent too much time on this au its concerning #god help me #mod pink #i GUESS ill tag it #deltarune #only that though #lol #EDIT: IM SO FUCKING GLAD IT POPPED UP AGAIN #EVEN IF I POORLY REWROTE ALREADY #I CANT I CANT DELETE IT #LOVE YOU (SMILES

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serowotonin · 3 years

Text

falling ; bakugou k.

pairing ( bakugou katsuki x fem!reader ) wordcount ( 2.4k ) genre ( fluff & basically pining )

↷ a hc-styled narrative describing the four stages bakugou katsuki goes through as he finds himself falling for you . . .

STAGE I ( impression ) ;

the first time bakugou laid eyes on you was during the entrance exam at UA.

back then, you were just another face in the crowd of faces he was going to have to beat to earn his spot in UA

the first time bakugou spoke to you wasn’t memorable to him either

like with everyone else, he was loud and rude and made it very clear he wasn’t interested in playing friends

after that you became a part of the class, just another extra, someone who’d just get in the way

that was all he thought you were…

until you kicked todoroki’s ass one day during training

the teachers had paired everyone in the class and told you to practice your 1-on-1 combat skills using your quirk

bakugou, who was paired with kirishima went first

you and todoroki were to be the last pair

despite a good effort put up by kirishima, bakugou still ended up winning that round

when it was finally yours and todoroki’s turn, bakugou paid extra attention

in his mind, he knew todoroki was powerful and someone to watch out for

but what happened was quite unexpected

you maneuvered easily through todoroki’s attacks with a combination of physical prowess and creative usage of your quirk

let’s just say his ice didn’t work on you and he was caught off guard, allowing you to snatch a win

needless to say, most of your classmates were a bit surprised at first

bakugou included

they knew you were strong but they didn’t know you were that skilled

whatever the rest of the class thought didn’t matter to bakugou though

all he knew was that now he had to keep an eye on you

STAGE II ( perspective ) ;

after that event, bakugou did indeed keep his eye on you

it started off with him observing your moves whenever the class had to do any training exercises

he saw you fight with todoroki a couple more times after that

those didn’t end in easy victory for you as it did before because todoroki was now more wary of you

however, the way you evaded and countered his attacks was something to be praised

in bakugou’s subconscious opinion at least

your moves were carefully thought out and bakugou could see that

he could see the effort and practice you had put into perfecting them

not only that, he could also see the natural talent that you had to be able to become this strong

and it wasn’t only your fighting capabilities

you were also smart

maybe he hadn’t noticed it before but he did now

you seemed to always know the answer when a teacher called on you and your grades were great

slowly, but surely, you gained respect in his eyes

if he knew one thing about you, it was that you were maybe the tiniest bit better than the other extras

for a while it stayed like this, him acknowledging you but never making it obvious and you just doing your thing

that was of course until one day in the morning before class started

mina, kirishima, and sero were talking about things as they usually were and somehow the conversation led to you

they were talking about how strong and smart you were and going on about stuff

bakugou must’ve turned his head in their direction or something but mina noticed him listening so asked him cheekily what he thought of you

“y/n? of course they’re strong. anyone could see that.”

he said that pretty loudly and didn’t seem to notice you walking into the classroom

and of course you heard

“did my ears deceive or did the bakugou katsuki just praise me?” you teased

he was pretty embarrassed, blushing and sweating a bit but trying to hide it

soon after though, class started and the ordeal was forgotten

but something about that interaction led to you and bakugou becoming closer

closer in that instead of passing the other off as another strong classmate as you usually would, you’d actually greet each other and talk

you’d say hello to him in the mornings and goodbye after school and he’d just grunt or nod your way

but this was what it meant to be close to bakugou anyway

during the weeks that passed, bakugou found himself noticing you even more

before he only paid attention to your skills and thought about you as an enemy or rival of sorts

now it seems as if he’s just noticing the little things about you and your personality that make you who you were

he wasn’t doing it on purpose god forbid

no no it was just him being unknowingly observant

weeks turned into months and months turned into years

in a blink of an eye, you were all well in your second year

with everything that happened, you and bakugou became close

close enough for you to tease him at random times and close enough for him to ask you to fight him as training

by then it was safe to say bakugou knew you

he knew the little quirks you had

he knew your different smiles, your different laughs

he knew your favorite foods and your not so favorite ones

he knew the many different little things that made you you

STAGE III ( contradiction ) ;

before the start of the third year, the class decided to have a little get-together party of sorts

to celebrate the start of their last year in high school and to catch up as everyone’s been busy with internships and whatnot

you spent the break away from tokyo so it’s been a while since you saw the rest of the class

naturally you were excited to be able to meet them all casually again before the intense studying and training that awaited you all

bakugou, on the other hand, wasn’t too excited

frankly, he could do without seeing the class before school

but when he heard you were going to be there, he also agreed to go

so there you two were with the rest of the class at a cinema buying drinks and popcorn before your movie started

the neon lights and the prospect of popcorn lit up your face and bakugou couldn’t help but stare

there was just something, something he couldn’t quite figure out

it’s not that you were beautiful, it’s not that you looked cute in that outfit, it’s not that your smile was making his heart flutter

no it wasnt any of that true though they may be

you just.. you looked nice

thats why he was staring

yeah he hasn’t seen you in a while and you come back looking *nice*

of course he would stare

anyone would

apparently you had noticed him staring though, so you sent a wink and a grin his way before turning back to the popcorn and drinks

in other words, you killed him

with ridiculously high levels of cute and nice

kirishima and sero were just watching the whole thing happen and hell was it obvious to them

their boi was falling hard

now they knew he’d never admit it and they knew you weren’t likely to do anything about his “crush” even if it was obvious to you too

so…

while bakugou was busy helping you carry your popcorn, they devised a rather devious plan

operation: jelly burst

objective? none other than to make explody boiy jealous

for what reason? no reason really it’s just fun to mess with him and this is probably the first time he’s had this big a crush

once everyone finished buying popcorn and was walking into the cinema, operation: jelly burst was put into action

“hey y/n ! come sit next to me” — sero

so you did, nothing strange bout that, sero was a good of yours anyway, nothing strange at all

bakugou moved to come sit next to you too but kiri hurried past him and sat down on your other side before he could

“oh hey bakubro didn’t see ya there sorry”

the seat kirishima stole was the last seat on the aisle

and bakugou was forced to go sit somewhere else

alone

poor guy</3

the seat he found was a few rows above yours though and all went according to the jelly burst plan

by the end of the movie, bakugou was in the foulest mood and no one, except for the 2 lads sitting on either side of y/n, knew why

operation: jelly burst didnt end there though

see they got him jelly but they haven’t gotten him to burst

the next week at school, kirishima and sero both acted really nice to you

it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary but they did talk to you just a tad bit more than usual

either way bakugou noticed big time and he did not like it

he did not like it one bit

the jelly was there alright

it was just boiling to unprecedented levels

pretty soon, the boys dumped the idea of operation: jelly burst

mainly cos it was taking too long

but also because bakugou had become at least 10x more hostile

except to you of course

for some reason, a reason absolutely no one could figure out(sarcasm intended), he was just

quiet around you

didnt yell but didnt really talk to you either

whenever anyone else, kiri and sero especially, tried to talk to him though, he’d shout louder and be a lot ruder to them

he’s just agitated

and he knew why he was that way

he’s just in denial about it

he’s also in denial about the reason why

why couldn’t he just accept his feelings and act on it already?

kirishima asked him that one day in the dorms

he saw bakugou staring very intensely straight at you without blinking for a full minute

“look man, don’t even try to tell me you don’t like y/n. it’s obvious and i’m not an idiot. you aren’t either.”

“i know shitty hair. it’s just… i’m me. and she’s y/n. nothing’s ever gonna happen.”

“you don’t know that”

“but i do. cmon, she’s just so fucking perfect even with all her flaws. and i’m just the loud guy with exploding hands and no emotions.”

kiri was surprised honestly

this wouldn’t be the first time bakugou was insecure around him but the way bakugou talked about you and how he implied he wasn’t worthy

damn that hit kirishima

“bakubro, i’m gonna help you”

STAGE IV ( intimacy ) ;

ever since he told kirishima abt what’s been bothering him about you and ever since kirishima declared he’d help, bakugou became more…

quiet

he was still loud, but he just became a soft kind of loud now(?)

it was like he got calmer and he was assured that things would be okay

of course things were not okay

why? because ever since bakugou fully accepted his feelings for you, he doesnt know how to act around you

the other day you asked him what he wanted to eat for dinner cause you were cooking tonight

his answer:

“you”

“umm..”

“-you can make anything you want. i’ll eat whatever.”

that and a lot of other little awkward incidents started occurring

also maybe it was just the weather but he always seemed red whenever you saw him

it wasn’t the weather though

it was him being shy and nervous and flustered

which made bakusquad extremely weirded out cause seeing him like that is like seeing aizawa cheerfully smiling and wearing bright color clothes

it was weird af and was just not right

anyway, mina’s advice to him was to try to get closer to you

“but we’re already close”

“no i mean closer on a personal level. ask her how her day was or ask her random stuff about her likes and dislikes or her hobbies or literally anything”

“oh… ok then”

and so he tried that

he tried getting closer to you by greeting you every morning and sometimes asking you if you slept well

you found it odd

it certainly was odd, but you didn’t mind

if you ask him why he asks about your sleep he just goes red and says he needs to make sure his opponent for his afternoon sparring session is well-rested and healthy

speaking of the sparring sessions…

he asks you to spar more often than usual and actually makes small talk during your breaks

he was also a lot nicer to you, offering to help carry stuff for you and assisting you in the little things

like getting a mug from the kitchen’s high shelves or picking up the pencil you accidentally dropped

what he did worked though and within a few weeks, the two of you got a lot closer

the next step, as mina put it, was “making sure she knew you weren’t interested in her as a friend”

now that was hard for bakugou to do

“it’s not that hard. you could just tell her.”

bakugou: ..??

“basically confess”

bakugou: wha- *shortcircuits*

CONFESSING

he never thought about that

he actually has

he knew in his mind he’d have to do it eventually if he wanted to have you

but he didn’t think it would be *this soon*

“dont think that much and just tell her you like her”

“you’re making it sound easy”

“because it is!”

he groaned internally

he’s faced tons of villains and been in quite the number of fearful situations but the fear he felt now was completely different

“look if you’re afraid of rejection just confess like this”

*sero clears throat*

“*y/n i like you and i would like to be something more than friends. i’m not going to pressure you into anything so if yoh don’t want to we can just pretend this never happened>:)”

“...”

bakugou ended up confessing the next day though

just not like that

it was a spur of a moment thing and he wasn’t really aware he said it until you responded

the two of you were sparring as usual and you had just gotten close enough to knock him down and pin him to the ground

in that moment you were just so beautiful and amazing and everything and he just couldn’t keep it in apparently

“i like you”

“w-what?”

“what?”

“did you just say you liked me?”

“like not liked dumbass”

“:o present tense o:”

well long story short, you like him too and you tell him that and you two just sit there grinning like idiots

from then on things didn’t change much

you and bakugou still talked, although maybe more than usual

and still sparred with each other, although maybe less seriously and more playfully

some were surprised when it became known you were together

some weren’t

whatever other people thought though, they couldn’t deny one thing:

bakugou looked at you as if you were the world

STAGE ∞︎ ( fallen ) .

note ; i started writing this soo long ago but then abandoned it cuz thats just me:”] bUT i decided that since its his birthday i might as well finish it up and finally post it u.u,,, also TYSM @animebsposts for helping me with this ily and ur amazing<3

taglist ; ( send ask to be added ! ) @lilikags

#happy birthday ya big cute bomb boy<3 #bakugou x reader #bnha #www.pink-ink.com/writing #/hcs

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