#anyway don't take physical therapy advice from this

[cuubism]

i went to physical therapy for my stupid broken arm so as is my legal obligation i HAD to make ship content about it. everything is ship content that's how it is

cw injury, referenced abusive relationships

--

Hob's had plenty of clients come to physical therapy who clearly don't want to be there. Plenty of others who are reasonably frustrated by the work and time involved in regaining functioning after an injury. But this is the first time he's just had someone be... quiet. Resigned.

Dream sits with his hand cradled to his chest, barely speaking, only answering when Hob asks a direct question. He's reluctant to give Hob his hand when Hob asks if he can look at it, like he thinks Hob's grip is a bear trap that will snap down and crush the bones like whatever had done so the first time. Hob still doesn't know what that was. All he knows is the bones have been realigned and healed over but the dexterity in his hand still isn't right. That was what Dream had said, in the first spark of passion Hob had heard from him. It's not right.

But he does eventually give his hand over. His bones are so fine and delicate, and each movement hesitant. Cautious. Hob tests the flexibility. The strength. Dream is right, it's not where it should be. He still doesn't know what happened.

"I won't make you tell me if you really don't want to," Hob says gently. "But it is important to know how it happened to make sure we rehab it the right way. Did you get it caught in something? I've seen guys come in with machine injuries like that."

Nothing about Dream suggests "person who works with heavy machinery." But who knows. Hob will try not to stereotype.

"No," Dream says quietly, looking down and away from his hand like he can't bear to see it. "I. I am an artist. My ex... he felt that I cared more about my art than about him. Perhaps I did. And he was... frustrated. I suppose."

Hob can put the rest of the pieces together in his mind. "Jesus," he breathes, and Dream flinches.

"I have an unfortunate ability to involve myself with such people," he says.

"No, it's not your fault," Hob says automatically.

Dream narrows his eyes. "You presume to know that?"

Hob raises his hands in surrender. "Never mind. I won't pry." He's not Dream's therapist. His job is to help him with his hand, not... whatever else is going on in his life.

He takes Dream's hand carefully between both of his own again. Presses down lightly on his knuckles. "So. Crushed. Like that?"

Dream nods. Hob still doesn't know all the details, but he's imagining a boot going down hard on the top of Dream's hand. The thought is sickening.

"Can you fix it?" Dream asks, like he doesn't dare to hope.

"Well, you already had it repaired surgically, yeah?" Hob says. This strikes him as a bit of good luck--hand fractures are not simple--but he doesn't want to undercut Dream's confidence even further by saying so. He's usually pretty good at reading his clients, and he's already sensing that Dream is holding onto his determination to be here at all by the barest thread. Best to build him up as much as possible. "So it's just a matter of strengthening the muscles again."

He's fairly confident he can get him back to a usual level of functioning with it. The question is whether he can return him to the specific level of dexterity he needs for his art. He doesn't say that. Not yet.

Finally, he gets the tiniest of smiles out of Dream. He's really lovely when he smiles.

(He's pretty when he doesn't smile, too. Hob would have to be blind not to notice it.)

"So," Hob says. "Let's look at the current range of motion, yeah?"

Dream tilts his head. "Did you not already do so?"

"For regular motion, yeah. But I want to see where it's impacting your drawing."

Dream draws his hand back, looking uncertain.

"Come on." Hob hands him a pen and paper. "Show me. I promise I know nothing about art. If it's not up to your usual standards, I'm not going to be able to tell."

Finally, Dream takes the pen, and starts sketching.

Hob watches, noting the way his hand trembles, his uneven grip on the pen. Notes how quickly he gets demoralized when it doesn't turn out the way he wants. Hob can make out what he's written and drawn, but it's clear from Dream's expression that it's far from how it's supposed to be.

"This is just a starting point," Hob reminds him. He has a feeling he's going to be doing a lot of those sorts of reminders with Dream; he does not seem to find optimism easy.

Then again, if someone who supposedly loved him had hurt him like that, Hob would probably find optimism a bit difficult, too.

Finally, Dream drops the pen, clearly frustrated. "I have tried to paint at home, too. It has not turned out any better. You should throw those away." He gestures to the sketches. "They are terrible."

"Nah, I'm gonna keep them," Hob says, and puts them in his folder. "For comparison later." It could also partially be because he finds Dream's drawings of cats, imperfect as they are, charming. Sue him.

"As you insist," Dream says.

Hob gives him documentation on some other exercises he can do at home. Tries to think through what might make him feel better with his art. It feels, somehow, so important to make him feel better.

"At home, go easy on trying to use a pen, or paintbrush or whatever, it's hard on your hand," he finally says. "But you probably want to get back to your art, so-- okay, don't make fun of me if this is stupid."

Dream just raises an eyebrow, waiting.

Maybe Hob should try to learn more about art before he gives advice. Nevertheless, he forges on. "Holding a pen is tough, but if you wanted to like, finger paint or something? That would probably be fine. Might be good for flexibility, even."

"Finger paint," Dream repeats, enunciating each word.

"I told you not to make fun of me if it was stupid."

Dream smiles, just a small thing, like he finds Hob ridiculous but in a charming way. Good enough, Hob figures.

"Very well," Dream says at last. "I will take your advice."

Dream simply walking out had felt like a distinct possibility, so Hob will take this as a win.

"Hey," he says later, catching Dream for a moment as he's checking him out. "It's going to get better, yeah? Trust me. Don't worry too hard, just give it time."

He really shouldn't make promises like that. But he can't seem to help it, with Dream.

Dream considers, then says. "I do trust you."

Hob finds that it means a lot. Now he's just going to have to earn it.

#i really am writing the most random indulgent shit this week XD #you know this was a missed opportunity to do 'forbidden romance between a physical therapist and a ballerina' like that ridiculous romance #novel that was going around XD #anyway don't take physical therapy advice from this #dreamling #dream of the endless #hob gadling #my writing #cw abuse #long post #perhaps i'll write more after my next appointment XD #physical therapy fic

[20dollarlolita]

while youre wheelchair posting i wanted to say that you talking about why you decided to continue using one really changed my own perspective on my disability! i get awful chronic join pains usually triggered by standing, and although im taking the physical therapy route (im hypermobile, so thats the first option,) ive recently considered that using something like a wheelchair or a cane wouldnt be so wrong of me if i feel i need it

I tell people that I just want to be able to do the things that other people do. I want to shop in a store for as long as I want, without hurting. I want to walk around the mall and look at things. I want to go somewhere without having to plan ahead where I will sit down and how long we'll be waiting in line. I want to work a full day in my store, walking from the back room to the front, guiding customers to the different areas, and I want to do that without being in pain.

My wheelchair lets me do that. My body does not let me do that.

My advice to literally everyone who thinks they might need it is, "just get the damn cane." Canes are among the cheapest mobility aids out there. They come in insanely cool colors and styles. There are ones that fold up when you don't need them. You can get one for $10 and you can just go into Walgreens and buy one. Worst case, which is also best case, you just spent the cost of a trip to McDonald's on something you don't use. Worst case, which is also best case, you find something that lets you be yourself doing the things you want to do for longer and with less pain. Worst case, which is also best case, you see that it helps you and it is the gateway into getting a more supportive mobility aid that lets you live a better life. Literally every worst case scenario you can think of is also your best case scenario. Get the cane.

I went to Goodwill on my lunch break just now and they had a rollator for $8, so we're going to experiment with Pink+Rollator in the upcoming days. Currently I'm okay with walking short distances but I really can't stand for more than a couple of minutes, so bringing a device that's also a chair with me seems like it'd be a good step in my mobility.

But yeah, to everyone who is going "hey, I think I could benefit from a mobility aid," this is me, a disabled person, telling you to go for it. You didn't need my permission, but you have it anyway. Get the mobility aid!

A wheelchair is just a chair with wheels, and you didn't need anyone's permission to sit down at a rolling desk chair. You were able to look at the options given to you by the world and choose that, in that context, sitting down on a chair with wheels was going to be the best for your body and your personal convenience. You can look at your body and your environment and make statements like, "I should not be standing for 55 minutes in this line. I can only stand for x minutes," and that's normal. Abled people make decisions like "I'm not going to stand for this long" or "I'm not going to walk this far," all the time. But when you add, "so I'm going to bring a special chair with me, so that I can wait 55 minutes in this line, like all the other people in the line," suddenly it feels different. But abled people are allowed to always be making judgements for when they're pushing their body too hard, and they make decisions all the time about when they're going to take advantage of an aid or take a break, so the only thing that changes when you're disabled is when you have to decide to use it, not at all that you have to use it. People get to pick what shoes they want based on where they're going, and that's just picking a device to aid your mobility as needed for a certain environment. Using a mobility aid is a totally normal thing, except that we've artificially labeled them as "normal person accommodations" and "ask for this and you're disabled."

Disclaimer: obviously bring it up with your care team if you are interested in using a mobility aid (and you have a care team). A LOT of doctors are hesitant to tell young people that they should be trying a mobility aid, but will say you'll benefit from it if you bring it up. If you have a PT then they're likely to have input about what are the best options and how to set them up. Also some doctors can get you mobility aids for free. Even if the cane you get from your doctor is black and boring and doesn't fold, you can still go to the store and get a cane that's fun and cool and then use the one the doctor gave you as a size reference to know how to set the one you just got. Hey, free cane.

#i'm in usa so a care team and a luxury car financed at a shitty interest rate cost the same amount of money #20dollarlolita on wheels #i'm in california so I can't get a cane with a SWORD in it and i'm very upset by that #if anyone here has ever wanted to get into illegal smuggling of fashion/weapon based medical supplies then

[bomberqueen17]

what is up froods

lol i keep forgetting to like. actually write updates in my personal journal. i'm using this tumblr too much like a tumblr.

i went down a rabbit hole the other night in that i just opened my own archives and went back to 2013 and then realized i started this in 2011. i didn't say a lot, back then i definitely was still using my LJ for Big Personal Updates and Tumblr was exclusively for snappy shitposts, and then I abandoned the LJ and only blogged in snappy shitposts for a while, and I did some vagueblogging that I genuinely have no idea what it was about, and that's fun.

But there's some. Boy there's some real fossils in there. God everything stays the same but everything happens so much.

I know I've backed up this blog but IDK how much you can make it make sense, offline. Anyway. That's how it goes. I'm not in any kind of existential panic about the site I'm just reacting to the zeigeist here, it made me think of old times.

I go back to the farm in a couple of weeks-- just for a couple of weeks, but the Season is Starting. My physical therapist keeps giving me more exercises. She's right, my core strength is wretched, but when I said I'd tried to do crunches now and then, tried to stay a tiny bit fit but-- she was like omg no you can't do crunches, with that hip cartilage as it is, so I felt a little better. So she's teaching me what I *can* do, and the important thing is that she's like you cannot do this more than every other day or three times a week, you cannot rush this kind of thing, and it's wonderful advice contrary to all the other advice I've ever had in my life which was like every moment you're not doing more work you're being a lazy shit. So, that's nice. I'll cut because nothing else here is going to be interesting.

I'm not the youngest person at physical therapy but there's a lot of old people there. I haven't been masking, I've been being lazy and just using xylitol nose spray before I go, and it's been fine, but I know that's just luck. (I see no one but Dude, who sees almost no one but me, so the consequences of fucking up would be minor.) with a trip to the farm coming up, I'm going to go back to masking, at least in the lead-up to the trip-- because last time I had COVID I had almost no symptoms, and nowadays apparently the rapid tests aren't super useful. The way I'm coping is, I know, a logical fallacy-- since COVID wasn't bad the one time I had it, I'm just telling myself I'm resistant naturally and it won't hurt me, and I know this is not the truth at all but it helps me cope-- but I cannot stand the thought of spreading it to someone who would be more hurt by it, so I have convinced myself not to fear catching it but to fear spreading it. I figure it's effectively the same and lets me not just be fucking terrified all the time.

I also discovered that a former employee of the farm who's out here going to college is interested in carpooling, and we've already got a tentative date for him to ride back with me on my way back from the farm at the end of March, and this has lightened my spirits a great deal. It's such a long drive and it feels like such a waste of gas, and he does have a car but it's not actually that safe to drive on the Thruway. (He swears up and down it's perfectly safe but just not at sustained speeds over 60. I was like omg kid do NOT, I will drive, my car is brand fkn new. He's taking the train home and will ride back with me.)

Let's see. Oh I don't think I've kept up with posting about the kitchen painting. It's down to the last tiny fiddly details, and what I've got to do is do a half-stencil in the corner above the door, and I did one half yesterday and will finish the rest today. I had to custom cut out a copy of part of the stencil to make it work, and it's sort of janky and I am going to have to hand-paint it with a lot of masking tape, but it's such a small area that like, why not, I can be that fussy. It's fine.

Once I finish that, which if I do part in the morning and part in the afternoon I can do today, then I can FINALLY CLEAN UP AND PUT AWAY all the painting detritus. I can't tell you how excited I am to do that.

I've also been doing fabric dyeing, finally. I collected several of the muslin garments I'd finished and meant to do something with, and got out my dyes. I did a batch of ice dye solely because I forgot which ones I'd intended to use for that; now I have a pair of slightly ill-fitting homemade leggings that look like a clown threw up on them, and a cheerful sweatshirt to match. i then used the runoff to dye the cream-colored canvas work smock-- I sort of tie-dyed it because I pasted up a little bit of two of the component colors and poured that on a couple areas that I then rubberbanded, because I wanted tie-dye but did not want any white areas left. So it's a blue/purple/red smock now, and the rainbow stitching I constructed it with was polyester so it's still rainbow, huzzah. Subtle and understated and also I can smear it with filth and maybe it will still look intentional.

[image description: a canvas work smock with big pockets, hanging to dry, mostly a mucky dark purple but with some brighter splotches of red and dark blue, and some bits of paler purple.]

[image description: assorted garments draped over drying racks in a sunporch, in blotchy shades of red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, all kind of run together but not murky.]

And then I did another batch of ice dye, this time with the dyes I had bought that are supposed to work well for this because they split. That dress is still in the wash so I don't have pictures of how it turned out, but mostly it just looks splotchy green. LOL oh well. The point was, I made all these test garments in undyed fabric, but I don't have a lifestyle where I can wear a white dress, so now I have some non-white dresses I don't have to be precious about. Some of them I should now probably hem and like actually finish..........

I have one dress and one shirt left, and a pair of light-wash jeans I don't like wearing, and I'm thinking about trying like. Ombre or something. We'll see if I get around to that.

My sewing area is still a fuckin disaster and I don't want to think about it. But I'm cutting out a vest from scrap denim, I want a quilted abrasion-resistant washable work vest for farm work next week and I gotta get a move on. All I need now is to cut out the batting and get to it. So hopefully today.

I took photos, I might try writing up how-tos on the dyeing and on the repurposed denim stuff, but I also might not. If I was doing this again I would probably not bother with the ice, for the rainbow one. We'll see once the properly ice dyed dress comes out of this wash, I can hear the washer spinning but I'm trapped under Chita at the moment.

I missed this week's fic update because I'm progressing so slowly on both current active WIPs. I have a bunch written ahead in both, but each one has the back half of the current chapter just held up waiting for me to write them; I've overcome the structural decisions that delayed me, but I have to just sit and write them. And both of them are complicated scenes I've been waiting to write a long time, so I'm looking forward to writing them, and so like, paradoxically, can't make myself do it. Because once I've done it I'll have done it, see... anyway. Silly but there it is. I'll get through it once I decide I deserve that treat. I know! I know.

#about the author #state of the me

[maybebecomingms]

715-husband

January 29, 2024

I was thinking back to a church small group I was in over 10 years ago where the leader had unexpectedly become a close friend of mine. (People also sometimes got us confused for each other, too, which baffled me. I always thought she was way cooler and prettier than me, and I didn't understand why she liked me at all!)

Anyway, I was thinking about how we shared really personal stuff about our sex lives with each other at the time. She was a registered nurse (physician's assistant now!) and I remember my first post-nuptial pregnancy scare. I had an IUD, and she said "Sam, you know it's like a bowling alley in there, right? Nothing's gonna stick."

I remember talking her down off the ledge from at least one pregnancy scare, too (she did later go on to have one child). I remember talking about my frustration when my ex husband mistakenly assumed I was some wild, adventurous woman in the bedroom because of my "past," when I was mostly just terrified. "It's like... slow down, boy scout," she lamented. I remember her talking about how she underwent an entire physical therapy program in attempt to treat the chronic pain she had with sex. I often thought about doing something similar.

Anyway, she's divorced now, too.

I was thinking about how apparently evangelical folks experience vaginismus at a rate THREE TIMES higher than non-religious folks. I was thinking about how the Christian literature that was our church's bread and butter taught that women *might* enjoy sex, and that's cute and all, but men literally require it and will wither and die if you say no even once. You are defiling your marriage and denying Christ. Among this advice was that it's a woman's job to give hand jobs if she is postpartum and cannot safely have intercourse. As if she is somehow at fault for having pushed a whole 'nother human out of her body and owes him one?!

I was thinking about how viewing porn and masturbation are grave sins in those circles, and if you're going to utilize either, you might as well be cheating on your spouse. Don't get me wrong - I know both can be harmful under certain circumstances, and that porn especially can cause one's partner to feel betrayed. But to say that taking care of your own needs is sinful and forcing your exhausted wife to do it for you is godly seems more than a little fucked.

I was thinking about all of these things and sometimes I'm impressed that I found my way out as well as I did. That it wasn't a whole lot worse than it ended up being. I didn't need physical therapy, or any sort of special equipment. I just needed to feel safe and try things out on my own terms.

I hope my friend was or is able to do the same, if that is something she wants to do.

And I hope everyone influenced by purity culture is able to break free, whatever that looks like for them.

#divorce #exvangelical #ex christian #purity culture #vaginismus

[kirchefuchs]

so remember

t h i s post

I recently overcame it while scrolling down your blog (I totally wasn't looking for some of my old ideas to bring back to life pfffffff totally) and I just had a thought

What if we switched the roles?

The Narrator — aka, Pollux — has the Lovebug virus and Stanley is completely normal. The same thing that happened in the post happens in this too, but with the roles switched, I can't help but feel like it hits harder (especially considering your AU)

(I love your AU ok it's so creative)

If you acknowledge that Stanley basically did everything in his power to make Pollux sentient, wouldn't that mean that him losing the very thing keeping him that way to be a great loss? All that work, down the drain, in one fell swoop — and Stanley didn't even get to say goodbye.

Imagine the devastation he felt — the overwhelming guilt, and he won't even be punished for it. Imagine having to accept that all of your work is just, gone. No countdown. No "3, 2, 1." It's gone. Imagine going through the worst depression of your life while the only one who was there for you doesn't even understand anymore. Imagine having to live through what Pollux once was without him even knowing that his whole being was permanently reset.

And the worst part was that Stanley loved him back.

Imagine the only person you've ever been with to fade away in the blink of an eye. Imagine that certain person not even being in their normal state at the time — Pollux was infected by the Lovebug virus, after all.

And imagine his last words being I love you.

Imagine having to look back at those memories and realize just how stupid you were being by lashing out. Imagine being Stanley, whose last and only memory of the man he loved being one where he isn't even himself.

Imagine being Stanley, where your story ends in a hiatus.

And in the end, there was nothing true to finish the narrative.

There's no goodbye

only a scripted confession.

anyway have a nice day and I hope you enjoy your new brainrot which I totally won't joining you in hahshdhdhgd!!

— 🅰️non || 06/13/2023

I'm fine. I'm normal about this.

Anyways.... I'd like to give you some advice if you do want to join me in my Trigun phase.

I am currently in the process of reading the manga, but I have watched both anime series and the movie. So here's what I recomend.

I don't think it super matters is your read the manga first or anything, but it is important that you watch the 1998 Trigun anime before you watch Trigun Stampede (2023). The movie takes place somewhere in the middle of the 1998 anime so you can watch it after the anime if you want or halfway though, it doesn't matter.

The order I went with was pretty much this. I've just started the manga.

Trigun 1998 (show)

Trigun: Badlands Rumble (movie)

Trigun Stampede (show)

Trigun (manga)

Trigun Maximum (manga)

Warning: while this fandom does seem silly goofy (which I'm not saying it isn't silly goofy. It is very silly goofy, however) it will make you cry. The further you get in the sadder it gets. Vash needs a break, therapy, and some donuts. So, there's that warning.

As for where to watch and read it, I used zoro.to to watch both shows and the movie and am using trigunmanga.com to read the manga. The legality of it all is pretty ehhhh, but I don't really have the money buy physical copies of the manga even though I really want to.

Hope this helps! Imma go die from the brain damage Trigun and The Stanley Parable have inflicted upon me ♡

#tspud #the stanley parable #tsp #ask #kirche rambles #🅰️non #i dont think i should put this under the trigun tag #so i wont

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

I don't know if anything is strong enough for a TW but there are brief mentions of drugs and domestic violence. I need advice

There's this girl I really like, A.

I've known her all her life, I even lived with her and her mum for a year in my teens, when I was 14 and she was 7. I didn't like her then, not like that, and honestly, I didn't think about her like that until she was about 21 (she's now 24 and I'm 31), but we were both in relationships, and abusive ones at that, hers physically, mine emotionally.

I've been single about 6 months. I actually tried it on with her when I ended my relationship, but because I was getting clean from weed, going to therapy and being investigated for abusing my youngest (he was diagnosed with a rare condition in the end causing broken bones and brain bleeds, not actual abuse), A said to give it 6 months for me to get my life together, and then ask her again if I'm still interested.

I know she had a crush on me for years (her mum told me after I confessed to my own crush - apparently she thought we'd be a good couple and A had confessed to her crush to her mum a few days prior) but I'm scared to ask her again.

I only asked because I was a mess, not because I was thinking straight, but I don't want to get into a relationship, fuck it up and lose a huge part of my support bubble when I only have 1 other person I can truly rely on - her mum has said that won't happen, because I have spoken to her (not for permission, but to talk it through with someone), but what if it does anyway?

Do I take the risk? Is it worth it?

Hi anon,

Your concerns about this girl are well and truly valid - you sound like you've been through a really tough time, especially in the six months, and regardless of the end outcome, this would be a big change.

No one can tell you if you should take the risk. That decision is yours and yours alone, as your reasons for and against doing so may be different to other people's.

Your concerns about what happens if it goes wrong are very valid, but what happens if it goes right? And while I am not here to tell you what to do, I do suggest thinking about the good scenario, too, and weighing that against the bad. Sometimes, keeping things the way they are is better, but that's a very personal choice and for some people, that's worse than not trying at all.

Even if the relationship itself doesn't work, you seem to have a strong basis where you may not lose them completely. It may be a little awkward at first, but you may not actually lose them.

Obviously, things change and things do go wrong, but denying yourself this happiness in concern of what might happen may not be what's best for you. And at the end of the day, you need to do what's best for you, whatever that may be and you definitely shouldn't feel guilty for that.

While A gave you a timescale, you don't have to rush this decision as it's a really big one in regards to your relationship with this girl and her family, and you deserve the space and time to work this out.

-Mod Chantelle

#trauma talks #mod chantelle #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse

[briarpatch-kids]

Hi, you seem rly cool and rly knowledgeable (/gen) and I guess I was wondering like, when would be the best time to get a rollator? I deal with a lot of pain when walking and standing, I can't even rly be on my feet for half an hour, and I get exhausted and feel the need to sit down often, I can't stand in place at my job even if it's a short shift bc it hurts and drains me so much, but some days I'm okay and can walk fine (or better anyways) and do a lot, etc. etc.

I haven't been diagnosed w/ anything (to be fair I haven't gotten to see a doctor bc I'm extremely broke and have absolutely no idea how to navigate the medical system on my own) but Im pretty much always in pain and exhausted. Im rly tired of my feet going numb and burning or whatever when I try to stand, my muscles hurting and straining almost every time I walk, and of being so drained every time I go out. I rly wanna be able to go out more easily. I have a cane I try to use but it honestly doesn't do as much as I'd like and usually hurts my wrist :( would a rollator even be a good idea or would something else be better? I'm just really anxious Abt all of this, it's so hard to find advice and answers for any of the questions I have :'' I'm rly sorry I'm dumping this on you and I'm sorry if you're not sure how to answer or respond. Also pls dont worry Abt answering if you don't have the energy :) thank you

Honestly those all sound like good reasons to get a rollator, I really like the Drive Nitro or other "euro style" rollators. They're a lot more portable and can go over more surfaces than the other style.

If you want to get medical coverage and care for this and you're in the US, call a medical clinic nearby that does primary care and ask for a primary care doctor and an appointment. Of you're uninsured you can sometimes find sliding scale clinics that will cost much less, the one here is called Terry Reilly.

Once you're there, talk to them about what's been happening and what makes it better and worse so they can run some basic tests and hopefully prescribe you a rollator so you can get around while you wait for things to get figured out. Make sure it's for a wheeled walker with a seat. They might want to send you to physical therapy, I'd let them but make sure the physical therapists know when things are making you feel worse, especially if the "feel worse" is lingering and not just while you do the PT. You can ask them how to use the rollator the best way and have them adjust it to fit you.

From there, I usually get a prescription written and take it down to a medical supplier. My local one is called Norco and also sells welding supplies because it uses oxygen tanks the same way some disabled people do. They'll show you what insurance will usually cover and what you can pay extra for. There's usually 10 or so different models with like, heavy duty or low height features and 3 wheeled walkers, a Euro style one, walker/transport chair combos... etc. You can try out the floor models and see which one suits you best before you pick them out too. Generally they have untouched models of the walkers in the back and you can take it home the same day which is nice.

#dont worry you're not dumping on me #its hard to find this info and I've had a rollator in the past

[ellzilla]

IRL ramble under the cut, if ya don't wanna read me yappin thoughts that are dark but ends on a positive note, just scroll by

Yknow, sometimes I'm very glad I got therapy during a time of my life I was kind of isolated from freaks on the internet. When I was younger, from ages 11 to 16, I used to draw a worrying amount of gore n' torture when I was upset, angry or hurt. I used to see nothing wrong with it, neither did the adults that hung out with me, for whatever reason. They saw it as nothing but a 'child being mature' or 'coping with their trauma so it's ok'. It being a cope for trauma was correct. It being okay was not. I was convinced at the time it was okay but oh.. if only I knew the damage it did to me... It took me getting shoved out of that group of weird adults and fellow impressionable kids, being relentlessly bullied and mocked by a mob they sent after me and getting death threats n' other unsavory things sent to me to finally send me to therapy. That on top of everything else that had happened to me up until that point broke even my mother, who's the "therapy is CRINGE" kinda old person, to take me to therapy. And man I'm so glad she did. I think my therapist was one of the best things to happen to me in my life. He helped me out with a lot of things, how to manage stress, how to manage anxiety, ect. But the most important thing is how to cope healthily. He originally suggested I draw out my worries and anxieties, but after learning how much I already did so and //what// I drew, he suggested against it. He explained to me how drawing too much of a horrific thing and conflating it with feeling better was not a good thing. How drawing gore and watching things suffer was not a good way to cope, as it was wiring my brain to think "Suffering of others/violence = you happy". He suggested I find better coping mechanisms to balance out the unhealthy way to cope and to try and wean myself away from associating drawing gore with feeling better. I didn't believe him at the time as 'it was all fake, fictional! I know fiction isn't reality!' but took his advice anyway. But I believe him now. I've realized I'm far too desensitized to gore and physical trauma. The damage has already been done to my brain where seeing real physical injury doesn't bother me at all and in fact I'm always fascinated by it. And that fact horrifies me. But I don't feel the same way I used to when I was younger. I don't feel 'better' or calmer or whatever anymore. That's why I'm so thankful for my therapist. He set me straight before my own child brain could damage itself more and taught me far better ways to cope with trauma. He's also a reason why my horror character's stories no longer are JUST suffering but also healing! Everything I've been thinking about for my ocs have been just healing from trauma and relearning how to be comfortable around certain mundane things. Relearning how to be comfortable with themselves. I think that reflects a lot about me. I know you ain't reading this but thanks, dude. Can't imagine how I'd be without ya.

#irl shmeat #vent #long post #yeah I'm spilling my guts out about this one #-ensue laugh track bc gore joke about a serious post about how fictional gore affected my brain-

[katbluecheese]

I have a dilemma.

I had my first therapy session yesterday with a new professional. Technically I think she's a social worker. But I don't know why I was assigned to a social worker because I specifically signed up for this service because I am already diagnosed bipolar and ADHD, and I'm seeking diagnosis for possible BPD and autism.

This is the second professional I have been assigned. I did not feel comfortable talking with the first one, just from setting up our appointment over the phone. This is a service that actually sends the professional to you. However, my home is not a place I feel comfortable speaking freely. With the first professional I couldn't even communicate to her that I needed to meet her somewhere like a park or something. She was more worried about having to pay a toll on a bridge to come see me, which wasn't even relevant because I don't live on the other side of that bridge.

Anyway, I contacted the service that set me up with the original therapist and requested someone else. It took them a second to find a new person for me. I had my first session with her yesterday. We met in a park, sat on a bench, and I cried my eyes out telling her how hopeless I've been feeling because of the narcissistic abuse I'm experiencing at home, at the hands of my mother. Because I'm also currently pregnant, I am unmedicated for my bipolar disorder, resulting in me being extremely depressed. I'm also concerned about subjecting my child to my mother's narcissistic abuse and potential physical abuse (because she did physically abuse me as a child) once he is born.

This professional responds by telling me to just block out what my mom is saying, to remember many people have it worse than I do, and to listen to music or go on walks (I have been having increasingly difficult mobility issues since becoming pregnant). She also wants me to make to-do lists in order to make my days more productive, to combat my bipolar depression. I explained that my ADHD doesn't executive function like that but I'd try.

This is where my dilemma lies. I don't feel like this was a productive therapy session at all. To tell me to invalidate my own feelings while being verbally and mentally abused, just doesn't sit right with me.

If I were to ask for a different professional, it would take weeks for a new person to be assigned to me. I have a tricky scheduled to work around because I have two jobs, and I'm responsible for getting my boyfriend to and from his full time job. He's epileptic and cannot drive. This lady was able to work around my schedule. She was even willing to meet me on Sundays. I don't know that anyone else would be able to do so.

Something just doesn't feel right with the whole, "other people have it worse," phrase being thrown around. On the other hand, maybe what she told me was sound advice and I'm just too lulu delulu to see it? Idk.

I need some help. I don't trust myself from a lifetime of being harassed for every decision that I make. Any and all advise would be helpful. I don't really have people in my life I can talk to about this sort of thing.

#therapy #i need advice #help me!!! #personal

[mental-health-advice]

hello! I have what might be a sort of strange ask. I have a phobia of anything that can affect your body, basically. Drugs, alcohol, the like. It's at a point where I am uncomfortable even touching over the counter pill bottles to pass on to someone who asked me to get them, and super uncomfortable if I have to have an uncontained pill in my hand. It's like I'm afraid of it seeping into my skin. It's a similar story with alcohol but I'm not around it as much as medicine, so it doesn't affect my daily life as much as having a fear of literal aspirins.

However, it's starting to get a bit worse. Sometimes when I see stuff about drugs or alcohol, I get paranoid that I'm being secretly drugged, or that my friends and family are drinking/doing drugs secretly. Or for a specific example, requesting a procedure to be done without numbing, fearing that they've just done it anyways and placebo-effecting myself. I have lots of fears and anxieties just in my regular life but but they're never as bad as this one.

There's another layer of complications in which I still live with my parents, and along with not taking my (other) mental + physical health concerns seriously, they often try to convince me that if I go to a professional they will medicate me, and even though I know logically that I'd have to consent it's gotten to me over the years. (I also deal with very very frequent migraines, which I should logically take painkillers for, and I don't want to, which is another point of parental contention.)

I'm not even sure what advice I could be looking for here, honestly. I guess I just wanted to share, because nobody in my life seems to understand at all. So thanks for reading, sorry for a text wall, and thank you in advance <3.

Hey there,

This must be so scary for you, having these phobias and especially as it would affect so much of your daily life and living in general!

My first thought would be to obviously gently encourage you to seek some help and support from either a counsellor or a therapist but I can understand how daunting that may be and especially when your parents are trying to tell you that all professionals would do is to medicate you. And yes, whilst medication can at times be helpful for some people, talk therapy is much preferred unless the persons individual circumstances warrant some medication to help them along with talk therapy but again, yes, you have to give consent for this to occur.

I want to also let you know that for some people who get migraines there are some more natural treatments for it now days, and again, I appreciate that you have great phobias but I think that this warrants at least looking into as opposed to medication to help with your migraines if this is something that you can do.

I cannot even imagine what life must be like for you on a daily basis and I cannot say that things will get easier anytime soon, but if you are able to seek some help and support then I would definitely recommend giving it a try.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

#mha-lauren #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #anonymous #phobias #getting help

[theantiproduct]

...

#ok so in the past 2 weeks i developed tendinitis in my right hand #and today i found a white hair on my head so i can confidently say the i am indeed losing my mind #still employed btw somehow kinda waiting to get fired hahaHA #will be starting therapy soon too #i knew my body reacts to anxiety but i didn't know it'll develop actual pain like i can barely use my arm #oh fucking well #doc said i need to rest for two weeks just told my boss we'll see what she says lol #I'd fire me for sure #I'm thinking about opening my own little business like working as freelance from home at least while corona is hanging around #not feeling confident in myself and everyone seems to agree lol #don't blame them since I've only been disappointing till now #but idk i think it might be my best move #i don't wanna be unemployed i just can't take the anxiety of EVERYTHING it's too much for my weak little brain #ugh life #why #anyways thanks for your advice #i avoided quitting because i can get benefits if i get fired but if i won't soon then I'll quit #i know you ideally shouldn't leave a job without having another but i can't i physically can't i emotionally can't #shouldnthavemadeittillnowbutthereyougo #personal

[bomberqueen17]

ugh

I can't sleep and I'm just sort of stewing over how unprepared I am to be entirely on my own managing my own healthcare. blech.

Did I mention, Farmsister was suffering from hip pain and went to her doctor and was diagnosed with the exact same problem I have?

Diagnosed, I said. Yes! Her doctor actually investigated the cause of her pain, diagnosed her, referred her to a physical therapist, but also came up with a plan of treatment. Told her physical therapy often can't resolve this issue, so after a set amount of PT, if there wasn't enough improvement she'd refer her to an orthopedist instead.

Imagine that. My doctor was like "you've got intermittently debilitating pain? You should go see a doctor about that." and that was that. I went to a physical therapist because that's what she recommended, but I don't have a plan, I'm just spending $150/wk to work out in a room full of other people. I guess I'll ask my PT if there's a plan or like timeline or like, idk, something we should look for, or what. IDK what a realistic goal is. Pain-free seems out of reach. I'd settle for largely functional, I guess? But I don't know, and I guess I'm on my own to figure it out.

And the same with the ADHD! She was like "oh, your insurance isn't going to cover it and it's probably going to take months of waiting, but you had better go see someone about that", and refused to engage any further. So I messaged the psychiatrist today and he doesn't check the messages on that platform so I texted the admin who was like oh usually medication is adjusted at follow-ups, and I'm like well in the three minutes he talked to me it didn't come up I guess, so then they texted back that he says to try taking two pills a day for a couple days and then schedule a follow-up.

I've asked around, and usually I guess the regular adderall pills, you take in two doses at separate times. But if the point is that I'm trying to see if a higher dose helps, I'd probably better take them at the same time??

It's just that when the small ineffective dose wears off four or five hours after I take it, without my ever having had a good phase, I get horribly drowsy and also get this kind of gross formless yearning that I think might be a dopamine crash, where I roam the house in itchy horrible discontent trying to think of something that might help me, but it's not candy and it's not reading a book and it's not napping, and I guess I understand why people turn to drugs or self-harm because the feeling is awful, spacy and wrung-out and aimlessly needy.

But I guess it's up to me to research what that is and what to do about it, and then at my $250 three-minute follow-up appointment in three days or whatever I'll tell the psych what I want prescribed to me, because it's sure as shit not like he's going to have any fucking advice for me.

And like. Laugh out loud at the notion that my primary care physician would give a single shit about this. Maybe I didn't mention this on here either but literally the only thing she has looked into about me is that my blood tests came back with a fasting blood glucose level of 5.7 (idk what units, just that she's fixated on that number) and it is exactly entirely that post circulating about """"pre-diabetes"""? She has put in my chart that she wants to start me on Metformin!! Christ all fucking mighty, it could not be more obvious that she took one look at my fat ass and was like "this bitch eats only candy! I'd better scare her straight!"

Ma'am fuck off. She wants me to get my blood retested in July and I am figuring I'll take advantage of having to have a visit then anyway to get the ADHD stuff entered into my main chart, and I'm also going to tell her that since she was so disinterested in literally any of the conditions actually debilitating me (my hip pain and my ADHD) I had to research those so I could treat myself, and in the course of researching that I found out about the fake "epidemic" of "pre-diabetes" which isn't a thing, it's a fucking PR gambit to sell drugs, and so if she prescribes me diabetes drugs when I do not fucking have diabetes I will not be taking them, and I will also be looking for a new doctor, because I do not appreciate her fixation on treating a condition I do not have while ignoring things that are literally preventing me from leading the life I want to, wherein I can do things like, stand/walk as much as I like and can also like, perform tasks.

So there's my timeline.

(Yeah my insurance won't cover blood testing a second time in a year so that's gonna cost me $200ish, and the phone doctor visit she insisted on to discuss the results last time was $45 and it'll be that again for this one, but I mean, eventually I'll hit my deductible maybe.)

I don't know, people tell me that they have medical professionals that actually listen to and treat them and give them like actual good actionable advice on how to improve their various health conditions but as far as I can tell that all sounds fake and isn't a thing.

Unfortunately, I am too fucking debilitated by my Can't Think Good disease to do a competent job at caring for myself, so I guess I'm just going to have to fucking muddle through somehow, or something.

Probably I should put together my citations on how Pre-Diabetes Is Fake so that when I unload that on my doctor I can do so with fucking footnotes at least. Lord knows I can't sleep at the moment so I might as well do something productive.

#about the author #whining #adhd

[exosupport]

one of our headmates got r//ped in the headspace recently and then we introjected someone who was supposed to help him... well basically what she was supposed to do was be a perfect heterosexual woman from his era (the 1950s) and become his girlfriend or whatever, basically to have him forget about his internalized homophobia and pretend like hes the definition of the perfect american male from his era (which is something we think he did in his source). (and also, pretend the r//pe didnt happen) except the thing is, the woman that was supposed to do this is refusing to do it because she thinks it will only make things worse for him. anyways not a lot of us have been in contact w him for a while but hes been w his best friend from his source and according to his best friend hes been having angry outbursts to anyone who isnt his best friend. were really concerned about helping him, do you have any idea what we can do? our therapist knows about this incident yet she doesnt know how to help us. sorry if this doesnt belong here

Alright there's a lot to address here and I also will say that any advice we give here is based only on what little context we have. I find it extremely odd that your therapist has nothing to say about this at all but that's therapy for you I guess. Anyway insert disclaimer about us not being mental health professionals or having unfailable advice here etc.

This is going to be blunt because I don't mince words when it's something like this but all of this is /nm (not mad) and I genuinely just want to help y'all here to the best of my ability.

First off we %100 agree with the recently formed headmate I do not know if you introjected her intentionally for that purpose or it was just an innate one but if you do have control over it you should absolutely never introject someone with the expectation they'll be in a relationship at all but especially not one as toxic as this (it creates a power imbalance when a system mates whole purpose is in relation to one other specific person and it can become very dehumanizing to put too much stock into system roles or purposes at all but that's a discussion for a future post. Also perhaps this wasn't meant to be literal but no one can be perfect so that's entirely off the table from what you could expect.)

Why would you (general not you specifically idk who is believing what here) possibly think them getting a subservient girlfriend and pretending he's heterosexual and that his trauma never happened to begin with would help him recover in any way? This would be incredibly unhealthy for him on multiple levels.

Before I continue to talk about him though I am very much concerned about her as well. I cannot tell if most of you agree or disagree with her so forgive me if I am misinterpreting any of this but I certainly hope that she has support and is not being demonized for her decision (which I firmly believe is the right one) and that her consent (in this case not given) is being respected. Please do not forget her mental and physical health in all of this because forming in this kind of situation is extremely traumatic in any case.

Back to the matter at hand though, we've had someone in headspace experience a similar trauma and though we will not give any details to protect our privacy I will say that the first thing we did was try and give them a space to talk about and process everything and acknowledge what happened for what it was. He needs to be able to process and accept what happened before he can try to move on from it and to do that he needs both a space to do so and the patience necessary to take things at his own pace so that he doesn't overwhelm himself.

I also am not sure if the person who raped him is still in system and is able to do anything else to him or anyone and I hope not but if so please make sure you are also doing things to prevent this from happening again. Of course it's impossible to be %100 safe from this sort of thing but definitely make sure to be increasing on safety practices if at all possible.

That being said the angry outbursts are very likely due to helplessness. When you've been sexually abused in that way you are helpless not just to your abuser but also to your own body and the responses it does or doesn't have. Understandably anger is a common response to those feelings of helplessness that will persist until they're worked through. He's likely to lash out about various inconveniences because he doesn't have the space to talk about that trauma.

I cannot offer any real advice other than make sure everyone is safe/no further abuse is happening, re-examine what you may or may not have internalized about consent and about individuality when it comes to system members, and to give him a safe environment to come to terms with everything that happened and with his internalized homophobia as well but I hope that this helps and something can be done.

If you have anything else you need to ask about or mention though our inbox is always open. Good luck and stay safe!

#rape tw #objectification tw #abuse tw #misogyny tw #homophobia tw #ask to tag #advice #verdict

[cetacian]

The Fall and Rise of Orca: Orca Vs. King Shark Part 1

This post contains spoilers for Suicide Squad: King Shark Vol 1 Issues #1 and #2 "Chapter 1: Power Grab Part 1" and "Chapter 2: Power Grab Part 2".

During the time where Nightwing had lost his memory, Defacer/Shawn Tsang was unaware of his amnesia and believing her then boyfriend to be ignoring her, lost her temper and went back to her old ways: defacing a statue of Nightwing in a humorous fashion in order to mock him. She found out the truth too late and this criminal act lead to her being arrested and eventually ending up in Belle Reve Penitentiary.

While incarcerated, she attended a therapy group for female prisoners held by Harley Quinn and grew angry at being mocked by another attendee Hot Take. This lead to Defacer lashing out physically at Hot Take, an incident witnessed by Nanaue/King Shark. He later approached Defacer, comparing her outburst to a feeding frenzy and stating that she could control it, seeming to want to offer advice. Shaun rejected his offer, but soon found herself in another confrontation with Hot Take. King Shark then stepped in unexpectedly to aid Defacer by devouring Hot Take.

This incident lead to a meeting between Defacer and Amanda Waller, who had an agreement with Kamo (King Shark's father and the god of sharks) to allow King Shark to serve his sentence as long as he was able to return to his father when called. Such a call had occurred and Waller, seeing that King Shark had taken an interest in Defacer, decided to send her along with him in order to keep him under control via a bomb put into Defacer's neck that would go off should he try to do anything other than return to his birthplace to speak to his father.

Defacer then traveled with King Shark to Waipio Bay, Hawaii, where they encountered Kamo and a congregation of sharks. Kamo informed his son that he was to represent his kingdom in a competition known as the Wild Games. King Shark arrogantly boasted of his strength, which lead to Kamo seeing his son as disrespectful and doubted his readiness. In order to prove his worthiness, Kamo selected a challenger for his son to face in combat: Orca:

Not exactly sure when these events take place with regard to the Punchline backup story, but it probably doesn't matter too much. The big breasted look is back, though thankfully not as distractingly big as in the character's first appearance.

At the beginning of Issue #2, a flashback of Orca's intial time with the Run-Offs was shown:

Why is she super shiny here? Has she been swimming recently? Anyway, this goes back into her self loathing, though it goes further into her trying not to dehumanize herself.

Which provides a huge contrast to her present:

Orca has gone on full megalomania here for as yet unknown reasons. And that is one hell of a sucker punch! Also apparently she can breathe/talk underwater now. I'll chalk that up to Kamo giving her the power to do so temporarily in order to have the fight on equal grounds.

She continued her assault on King Shark on land:

However, King Shark soon turned the tables on her with a vicious bite. Knowing Orca could be killed, Shawn stepped in, explaining her past connection with Orca and asking him to show her the ability to control his frenzy:

King Shark relented, allowing Orca to pull away from him and escape into the sea, as Shawn grew concerned about the sharks attacking the wounded whale woman. However, Kamo soon sent the two through a dimensional portal so that King Shark might proceed in joining the Wild Games, leaving Orca's fate unknown:

Orca put up a pretty good fight here, but much like in the past, she's at a disadvantage when fighting on land. Also I can't help but wonder if The Dark Knight Rises's Bane's "I was born in the darkness" soliloquy inspired King Shark's taunting of Orca here. I don't think Orca is going to die just yet, as she would've been shown being eaten if that were the case. I have to wonder what brought back her self loathing in such force? Maybe something in the Punchline story? Regardless, there are still four more issues in this miniseries, so there's still plenty of time for Orca to return for a rematch.

#landlubber (ooc) #whalelore (about the muse) #apex predator (muse images) #orca #grace balin #shawn tsang #defacer #king shark #nanaue #suicide squad: king shark #the fall and rise of orca #comic retrospective

[sariahsue]

I just saw your take one Lilo&Stitch's approach to child protection and I was wondering if you could give some advice on how to write realistic stuff in this matter? I've been meaning to write a foster care/adoption fic and I do know the system in France must be at least a little different - and I will get down the research hole once I have a bit more time - but do you have any advice on how to write the kids reactions, the way parents deal with everything, the bonding part... things like this, so I can avoid clichés.

You don't have to answer though, feel free to ignore all this akdjwja I just figured there's no harm in asking XD

Yeah, sure! (To anyone else reading this who has a fic, feel free to send me a message if you have questions!) I’m definitely not the most knowledgeable person, but I know quite a bit. And I’m sure things are a bit different in France (hopefully their court system is better - yikes!) but I think the human element would be pretty similar, so here we go. 

First off, know that everyone is foster care is having a rough time constantly. Foster kids, workers, parents, foster parents, foster siblings. And no one knows what’s going on long term. There’s always a lot of uncertainty. Will the kids go home soon? Are parental rights going to be terminated at the next court date? Who knows???

The birth parents, at best, are going through a really tough time in their life, made worse because their kids were taken away from them. Some care about their kids, but they’re extremely self-centered and have zero parents skills. Some are manipulative and see foster care as free babysitting, and as long as they get to see their kid for an hour or so a week, this arrangement is fantastic for them! At worst, they’re just horrible human beings who abuse children. In general, most parents are clueless and selfish and pretty manipulative. They say they’re good parents and have no clue why their kids were taken away, even though their kid has cigarette burn marks on their back, or had to eat out of the garbage to survive because the were left alone for hours at a time when they were four, or worse. They have no clue at all what their behavior does to their kids, and they refuse to listen to anyone who tries to explain it to them.

No matter what type of parents they were, their kids ALWAYS love them and want to go home. Every single one of them. No matter the age. No matter what their home life put them through. Some of them aren’t old enough to understand why they can’t go home. Some have been in foster care for years and hardly remember living at home but still want to go home.  

It makes for complicated foster relationships sometimes because the kid will be attached to both birth and foster parents and feel guilty or conflicted or disloyal, or they’ll try really hard not to be attached to the foster parents in the first place. (I can think of only one exception to this. Two sisters who had been put into another home and liked the foster family and decided that they were going to be adopted by this family and were very excited about it... except the foster family had no plans to adopt them. I never learned what happened there.) 

And this is before accounting for the mental health struggles that often accompany the trauma most of them have been through. Some kids come in with anxiety that makes it difficult to trust new people. Some kids’ behavior is so extreme that it’s difficult for foster parents to take care of them, and so the kid moves around constantly. (If their behavior is too bad, they can sometimes be put into either a group home or residential, either temporarily or permanently.)

Parents are also entitled to visits, usually either weekly or every other week, at least while the goal is reunification (which is always starts out as). Before the pandemic, these usually took place in the DCF (Department of Children and Families is what it’s called in my state) office or in a visitation center. Sometimes the court orders that the visits be supervised so they don’t start promising their kids that they’re coming to get them next week. Often the workers think that sitting down the hallway not listening counts as supervision. 🙄 

With the pandemic, kids have been meeting over Zoom. That’s being phased out pretty soon here. Kids are almost always triggered by these visits. I mean, they look forward to them usually. Some kids are mad at their parents and don’t want to talk to them, but almost always, they want to see their parents. And almost always whatever behavior problems they had before is extremely worse for the next 2-5 days. (Which is terrible if you get a visit every week.) Some parents bail on these visits regularly. Some consistently bail on only birthdays and Christmas. We’ve learned not to tell the kid that they have a visit coming up until we know it’s definitely happening, or sometimes only right before we’re planning on leaving to go, because the anticipation of a visit is triggering or because getting stood up by your own mother is traumatizing. Sometimes you can get the kid’s therapist to write a note asking for the visits to be less frequent for the kid’s sake, but often that just means every other week instead of every week.

For foster families welcoming kids into their home, it’s a little different. They’re often more stable, and their whole life isn’t shifting around them. They’re just getting one or two kids into the family. The home dynamic is going to be a little different. Nothing huge, compared to what the foster kids are going through. It often depends on the kid how fast you get attached. Sometimes you know kids are only going to be there for a month because their normal foster family had to deal with an emergency, but the plan is to take them back soon. Sometimes they’re adorable babies and you get super attached really, really fast. Sometimes they’re so unhappy and scared that they make your home life completely miserable. Sometimes you’ve seen so many kids come and go over the years, and they’ve all left eventually, and your heart becomes guarded to protect you from that pain. But you get attached eventually anyway. 

And sometimes your parents are given a newborn whose goal is reunification and it’s love at first sight even though you don’t know if you can keep him, and then he’s put up for adoption when he’s two and you adopt him SO HARD. And then you make future foster kids upset because you can’t adopt them too. :( And even though they get adopted by friends of yours, they still feel conflicted over it four years later. 

You would think that a kid raised completely in their adoptive home from birth would have no problems, and sometimes that’s the case. Sometimes they still get upset about the adoption when they’re older because the foundational belief they have about themselves is that their mother didn’t want them, even though it’s not true. 

(This is the real-life story of my brother. We are the only family he’s ever known, and he’s 13 now, but he still has issues over being adopted. The other boy is 16 and is doing much better with his new family now, though he still has some issues. We had him for a very long time, and we were all happy that we know his adoptive family well because we stayed it contact with him, which almost never happens when a foster kid leaves.)

Oh, I forgot one thing. Usually when kids first get to your house, they are perfect little angels for a while. Depending on the kid, it’s either a couple days or maybe even three months. It’s called the “honeymoon period.” Once their subconscious realizes that this is a safe place to work on their issues and they aren’t in physical danger, they start to process what they’ve been through. It comes out in a variety of ways. Behavioral issues, bedwetting, explosive anger, nightmares, etc.

A note about social workers: All the workers (at least in my state) constantly have too many cases. Like, double what they’re legally supposed to have. Most of them try hard to keep up. Some DO NOT CARE. Some are fantastic and put extra time in to go to the kid’s end-of-the-school-year recitals and build a relationship with them. They’re in charge of organizing visits and making sure the kids have everything set up and are generally important in the kid’s life. They’re required to visit once a month and make sure foster parents have all the right paperwork and arrange dentist visits and bring them to all their therapy appointments. (FYI, You get a piece of paper that says you’re the legal guardian. You have to show it to schools and doctors when you make arrangements for the kids. My mom also keeps a copy in her purse, just in case a kid starts screaming “HELP! SHE’S NOT MY MOM” in the middle of the store or something. It’s never happened, but you know, just in case.)

Also, you would think that they’re the constant in the kid’s life, but if the birth parents move, the case gets transferred to another office in the state, and so the social workers switch. I sincerely hope that’s not how things are done in France because it’s garbage for a lot of reasons.

Okay, I’ve written you an essay, but I hope it was a useful essay! Let me know if you have any more questions!

#foster care #adoption #birth parents

[thegeminisage]

Dear Ms Liz: you're a certified adult so I was hoping you might have some advice for a hs senior such as myself who's in full blown paaaanic mode over college admissions. how do i *not* anxiety??

ok disclaimer that i did have to drop out of college so i feel like i may be unqualified to address most of the SPECIFICS re: higher ed, but i AM a certified adult and pretzels are the same, etc - meaning anxiety is anxiety is anxiety & i've had like 20+ years of practice managing it so maybe i am qualified for that much. this is a very sweet ask actually im honored anybody has this much faith in me

anyway first of all address the root of the fear. what EXACTLY are you scared of? not getting them done in time? of doing badly on them? of picking the wrong schools? i've had..."a lot"...of "therapy"... & the most helpful part so far was learning the skill of figuring out WHY you feel a particular way, bc that helps w/ addressing it. if you're worried about not getting them done in time, try to work on them a little bit at a time instead of letting dread paralyze you and then getting into a cycle of fear-based procrastination. if it's doing badly on them, maybe you can get a teacher or guidance counselor* or older relative or friend to look them over for you and give you validation. it's about figuring out what you need to feel less overwhelmed and scared, and then securing that for yourself. it's a good skill to have!!!

(*i might be talking out of my ass here but i feel like unless you go to a completely garbage public school you should be able to find SOMEBODY in that building willing to be a pair of second eyes for you. if not, try online. i just checked and r*ddit has a sub called r/applyingtocollege. bad website yes but as long as you don't venture into the wrong parts you can get advice from all kinds of people bc normies use it. source: i have gotten good advice there before! it's never a bad thing to ask for help or ask questions - at the very least it shows other people that you're taking shit seriously and being proactive, yk?)

secondly i CAN tell you this will NOT be your only opportunity at higher ed. my brother had to drop out at the same time as me (money, sigh) and eventually he saved up and went back. and it was no big deal, and now he has a job in his chosen field! so in the absolute worst case scenario that your cat eats every one of the applications & none of them get turned in, it is still not the end of the world. idk, sometimes i like to hash out worst case scenarios and make contingency plans - this can turn into catastrophizing if you aren't careful, but sometimes i find that doing that makes me realize, logically, how unlikely a worst case scenario is and how recoverable it can be. like, i doubt my house will ever catch fire, but having a plan to get me & the pets to safety and knowing that even if my house is gone me & the pets would still be ok still makes me feel BETTER? if you're playing disaster scenarios in your head anyway you may as well give them happy endings.

AND finally. wow sorry this got long. please remember that emotions are temporary. actually everything is temporary but especially feelings. people are sort of like computers in that if you turn it off and turn it back on again they work better. make sure you are getting enough food, actual water, sleep, deep breathing, enrichment in your enclosure, etc. you'd be amazed at how much seeing to your physical needs will make the mental stress seem less dire and all-consuming. a lot of the time if the FEELING seems too big and too much and you can't handle it like you can just...wait it out. bc it's temporary. like literally sometimes you can just take a nap and suddenly it seems a lot more manageable, yk?

ok this has gotten long enough but GOOD LUCK!! i think youre gonna ace those admissions, but i also think even if you dont youre gonna have a great time doing other stuff and that you'll be ok <3

#liz answers asks #anonymous #sorry that's a lot of words for a college dropout. ilu though it's gonna be ok #come back anytime idk anything about school but i'd love to know how it went <3 #also if anybody reading this does have more knowledge about school feel free 2 chime in