#another edit to the tags that no one will see but sorry for editing issues? i write this in 3rd person w a unnamed female character

[gyuswhore]

How to Win Hearts for Dummies (the answer is lattes and banana bread)

Idol!mingyu x makeup-artist!reader

genre: fluff, angst, one sided pining

warnings: slow burn, swearing, shitty bosses, some descriptions of anxiety and breakdowns, one sided pining, reader has issues opening up (lmk if there's anything else)

13.4k words (im sorry)

plot: This apprenticeship was taking a toll on your self control in the worst possible way. Walking in 8 months ago, a resignation from your corporate job and a dream in your pocket, you made an oath to stay focused on the goal at hand and to enjoy what you did for a living for once; makeup. Except, your still stuck as an apprentice with a mentor that has no inclination for your growth.

And you’re a little bit in love with your client.

masterlist

(A/N): repost bc Tumblr wouldn’t show it in the tags!!! Thank you for clicking on this clonking my pants as I hit post ! I started working on this at the beginning of exam season and I’m posting it the night before my last exam 🥲 what a full circle moment. Also pls excuse any inconsistencies or grammatical errors, my beta reader, unlike me, actually cares ab her grades and is in the beginning of exam season and therefore will not be able to read through this monstrosity for a while lmao. Enjoy hehe

Edit: I’ve just realised how many mistakes and grammatical errors I’ve made throughout the fic, serves me right for proofreading at 3 AM after a stats exam. I’ll try to fix them all asap!!! 

The camera goes off again with a distinct click. And again. And again. And again.

The camera had gone off innumerable times since Mingyu walked out in another themed ensemble, and you were there, watching, through all of it.

You watched as he kept switching positions, rotating his body and his head. Morphing his features into more variations of dazed and serious than you thought could ever exist.

Standing there, at the portable table behind the main setup, attempting to clean a lip brush that would be needed soon when the inevitable call for-

“Makeup over here! We’re taking 5”

You note your sluggish pace as you snap out of your daze and scrubbing harder with the removal cloth. Snapping your head down, hoping nobody noticed your incessant heart eyes, you realize you were in trouble now.

‘Y/n, you’ve been cleaning that brush since I left 10 minutes ago!’ The senior makeup artist snapped.

You finish up the brush in hand and quickly hand her what she needs, not before rummaging for the tiny pot of lip product you absent-mindedly packed away.

‘Sorry, really sorry’ you choke out before she leaves in her badly concealed irritated expression. You see her make a beeline for a waiting Mingyu, who adorably squats for the woman so she has better access.

This apprenticeship was taking a toll on your self control in the worst possible way. Walking in 8 months ago, a resignation from your corporate job and a dream in your pocket, you made an oath to stay focused on the goal at hand and to enjoy what you did for a living for once; makeup. Except, your still stuck as an apprentice with a mentor that has no inclination for your growth.

And you’re a little bit in love with your client.

It's not that you were overage (your mother begs to differ), but considering you were on your second big girl job and still no sign of a potential lover, the prospect was starting to weigh on your head. The first rattling experience was when one of your closest friends announced her engagement, your thoughts still stuck in a 19 year old you considered she was too young. She was not, in fact, 19, or too young, but a perfectly acceptable age to consider marriage with someone she loved, you had soon realized. You were never one for the dating scene, but you were always one to don your Dr. Love labcoat whenever an emotionally bruised friend would come seeking help. You were good at advice, but awfully bad at applying it yourself.

Coming into this job, surrounded by a plethora of beautiful people, your heart would be of stone if it weren’t to waver.

The gong of unattainability had struck the second you laid eyes on Mingyu, laughing at something Hoshi had shown him on the phone. There he was, hair and makeup-less, looking like he had just rolled out of bed (which he had), and beautiful as ever. Beginning this new chapter with a bang, only problem was that it turned into an 8 month shoot out. Having encountered a number of gorgeous people, you’d learned to appreciate their genetic lottery pull and move on. But never had a single look left you as breathless and unbeared as that one, fateful look at Mingyu. One of the team members was busy assuring you not to worry too much about the pandemonium in the dressing room, that everyone would handle it and you were only asked to observe and help with smaller things as instructed; for now. You weren’t listening too hard though.

You were now adjusted to the chaos that comeback season and 13 men plus staff in a microscopic dressing room brought about. But you will never forget how in the midst of your first rain of hell, Mingyu had asked you to pass his phone.

‘Please?’ He had said, and you slammed your hand with a force of a woman infatuated on the table behind you and (literally) breathed out the first thing you had ever said to him.

‘Here’

He smiled and gave you a quick ‘thanks’.

There was no coming back after he flashed you those irresistible canines, and to this day, you wonder what nation you saved in a previous life to be able to have him know your name, hear it roll off his tongue in his pretty voice as he asks you to fix his smudged eyeliner.

You sigh defeatedly before your mentor slash irritated makeup artist shoves her load back in your hands and instructs you to come inside to pack up. It’s become routine for you now, as you begin to pack up the bigger palettes and tools, handing a ready-to-go-home Junhui the pack of makeup wipes he asked for, zipping up bags and closing tubs of outfits. It's an organized chaos but one everybody has grown to work around.

Mingyu is done before you, as he removes his jewelry and begins to shrug off his jacket. You scramble to find the clothes he came in and his coat, pointedly ignoring the familiar scent of wood. He thanks you and shucks off the remainder of his clothing, he might be used to stripping in front of professional staff, but you look away regardless for your own sanity.

Helping the last stylists hang the final jacket, you grab your bag and get ready to leave in your own car. Mingyu has left, not before throwing a “you did well, thank you!” over his shoulder at the remaining people in the room and leaving for the honking car outside.

***

Your mashing bananas in a bowl at 12 AM when you start thinking. Impulsive baking sessions had become a norm since you started working with Seventeen, needing to keep yourself occupied to stop spiraling. Mingyu was a recurring topic (surprise surprise), but one that quickly faded when you begin to think about what the future holds for you. You start mashing the banana harder. You consider the idea that you can’t complain, being in a position some of the most well seasoned pros had difficulty reaching. Being a single young woman and being allowed so close to some of the most unattainable men was seen as near impossible. You’d like to think it was your skill that got you here but can never seem to fully rule out a processing error.

It’s hard, being stuck in the same place. Your apprenticeship should have ended 2 months ago, but even if it had, you’d still be doing the same thing. The senior artist trusts no-one but a select few to work on the boys for photoshoots, events, music videos. People like you are left to sanitize sponges and clean the fallout.

You crack an egg on the counter and it splits open entirely, falling on the floor, yolk and all. Your inability to grow stays within the idea that you can’t really do your artistry like you want.

And how you never learn to crack your eggs on the bowl.

***

Showing up on the Going Seventeen set, you rush to the dressing room way earlier than you should. Being completely honest, you’re really only rushing because you want to maneuvere yourself to do Mingyu’s makeup before somebody else snags him. This was one of the very few engagements where you were occasionally allowed to take charge on makeup. Not that it was required for the show much at all; intensity and occasion wise. Your rare (possible) moment to (maybe) come into Mingyu’s organic notice was an opportunity never to be dropped by you.

You help setting up everything on the counters as the boys begin to (loudly) file in the rooms. You see Mingyu walk in and move to ask him to sit down once he’s done discarding his coat. He was first in line and you ‘happened’ to be the first one ready to begin working.

‘Is the eye makeup heavy? I just got a sty removed and I don’t know if I should be putting anything on at all.’ He asks as he sits down and you ready your damp sponge.

‘Not really, just smoothing things out. It should be fine.’ you say as you begin to press the compact on his cheek.

Your not really sure why, because you’ve never been able to muster anything above brief replies when in contact with him, but something in you pushes you to keep talking.

‘I’m surprised they even asked for us, they rarely ever do’ you continue, heart pounding so hard you’re afraid he might hear it.

He breathes out a laugh ‘Yeah. They even started advertising the show on youtube and subway stations and stuff, I didn’t know until I saw someone talk about it online’

You smile at his response ‘Well, all of you work so hard, it's about time they pull this to a high scale production’

‘It's never really work if your having fun, we try to be ourselves on here’ He replies, still smiling slightly.

You’re damn near close to collapsing on the floor at this point. This is the longest conversation you’ve ever had with him. You opt to smile in response as you start to concentrate on his eyebrows. The rest of his face is done far too soon as you zone out and do what you do best.

‘All done’ you announce as you pull away from his lips, trying not to have yoour gaze linger.

“Y/n! Can you start on Vernon if you're done?’, another artist calls from behind.

‘Yeah, he can come up!’ you reply as Mingyu (regretfully) walks towards hair.

Just because you sew your mouth shut with Mingyu doesn’t mean it applies for the rest of them, you’re quite friendly with all of them and Vernon does well to remind you as he sits down and quips a ‘hey bestieee’ in an elongated greeting.

You audibly laugh ‘That’s another word I’ll be hearing for the next month’

‘Regretfully so’ He feigns sympathy.

‘Be quiet and look up’ you say with a fond smile before you get started on him.

***

You sit on the floor in front of your television, trail mix on the coffee table as the movie plays as background noise for your thoughts - again.

There’s a smile on your face, but you dont notice as you think about the small talk you made with Mingyu today, wondering if it could become a regular occurrence if you learned to keep your heart and mind in check.  

You were never one to stand up and take effort to do what was right for you, which is why you were talked into choosing Business Administration by your friend in highschool, who you never speak to now because she decided to ditch you for another group who were more inclined to shuttle themselves to liver failure by partying every last weekend in your entire college career. You were talked into applying to corporate jobs by your counsellors as you started looking for make-up courses, needing to abandon your dream for the second time when you landed a decent entry level desk job. It took years before you decided to choose yourself for once and made the big leap after multiple courses you had took on the side. Life was starting to look bright after getting hired here, but you’re not sure if you overrode a high or if you went back to your old zipped mouth state after you settled in. Never sure if you expected too much or if things really were as stagnant as they felt.

***

Overmanifestation can be a thing. You're not really sure how it works but you’re reaping what you’ve sowed right about now.

You’re currently standing in an offside corridor in a hotel lobby, clad in a pretty white floral dress, and a nervous, fidgety Mingyu standing in front of you.

'I know I'm asking you to do something difficult and I know it seems pointless because I'm not doing anything wrong either that you have to lie about it'

This was supposed to be a staycation with your friends for you to relax and get your mind off things. Your ticket to relaxation has become a nightmare.

'And I understand I'm being super unreasonable but I'm really trying to keep it on the down-low as we get to know each other'

You were waiting with your friends on the couches positively stuffing your faces with the complimentary chocolate bowl placed on the coffee table as a couple other friends checked you guys into your rooms. You were laughing and talking with your group, carefree and ready to have a week of well deserved rest.

That was the plan anyway. Until you see someone across the lobby, also in line at check in. He had an unmistakable toothy smile,and was hand in hand with a concealed brunette.

Your smile abruptly falls in disbelief as you feel your world halt around you.

The same hands come up to brush the hair out of the woman's face to place a kiss on her temple, smiling wide.

The nauseating feeling of ice going down your spine is becoming more and more apparent. You attempt to swallow the lump in your throat but it's like trying to swallow a brick. You lick your lips and attempt to look away but your eyes keep feeding on the picture you painted yourself in your worst nightmares. Realizing you're on the brink of possible hyperventilation, your friend drops her head and asks you if you're okay. You look up at her, not knowing what to say as you realize that nodding furiously will convince her.

Mingyu has a girlfriend.

Of course he would. What were you thinking? This man is one of the most eligible bachelors in the country, why on earth would he be single? You’re unhinged, you decide, for thinking you may have a chance, when the woman turns around and you see her in full. She’s gorgeous.

A part of you still wants to believe that you're officially past the point of sanity and that you've begun to see Mingyu in every tall man. The universe, however, is cruel. He pushes his head up and in your general direction, and locks eyes with you in unmistakable recognition.

He stops smiling.

So here you are listening to Mingyu asking you to keep this a secret from the company, to forget the woman waiting for him in the lobby.

You can only nod in slight motions as he goes on his rant to justify his oath to secrecy, managing a tight lipped smile as you miraculously find your voice, hoarse as it may be.

'Don't worry about it, I understand' - ouch - 'it's none of my business anyway. I'll keep my lips sealed, I promise'

'Thank you, thank you, thank you I appreciate it so much, you don't even know. I'll repay you soon I promise'

'No, please, it's not-'

'No, Y/n I will. You're being really good to me right now and I'm so grateful. I'm sorry for putting you through this while you're off from work and with friends. It's worth to me that your listening and understanding'

You're tired. You want nothing but for him to stop talking. So you smile again and shake your head.

'I'm sure your friends are waiting, I won't keep you. I'll see you soon though!'

And with that he leaves. Back to the lobby where you see him take the woman by hand once again. You watch again as they walk to the elevators, stepping in and disappearing when the doors close. You watch the floor number rise.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5…

You walk back to your laughing friends before you can see where they got off.

***

Retiring to your shared hotel room with Chaeyoung, you fall back first into the crisp sheets and mattress.

'Why're you so depressed dude, did Mingyu say something to you?' She asks, a slight line forming between her brows.

'I'm fine, I've been up since 5 today it's just fatigue hitting me right now' you reassure, like always. 'I might not go to dinner with you guys, might end up with my face in the soup at some point'

Chaeyoung hums. ‘Take the night off so you can gear up for the rest of the week. I'm letting you off for now but I expect full attendance for eveything else we do', finishing with a mocking stern look.

'Yes ma'am' you feign salute from the bed, mimicking her stern tone.

You've known Chaeyoung for quite a while now, meeting her in your last year of uni. Trusting her as you do, you were never fully able to fess up about your feelings for Mingyu. Fear of judgment wasn't the problem, but more so the strange feeling of shame that overcomes you when you think about talking about it with other people. It's quite beyond you, why you act this way. You loved your friends and you knew they would support you with everything, they'd proved it when you'd made one of the most difficult decisions of your life while leaving your job. But the idea of having the audacity to love someone who could never do the same seemed like a feat of embarrassment.

Who are you, y/n? Who are you to have foolish dreams of a girl in love? With someone clearly fit for all things greater than you?

Maybe this was a good thing, you thought, the weird feeling in your stomach returning. Maybe this was the universe telling you to give up and move on, a kind of rejection that keeps your dignity. This was nothing but a reality check, a sign from whatever wants best for you, to bring your attention back to what brought you to Mingyu in the first place.

***

You didn’t see Mingyu for the rest of the trip, which you were grateful for not knowing how you’d react if you had to see him so soon after, that.

Back massaged and head clearer than it had been for weeks, you feel more in control of your feelings and thoughts regarding your life. You hope the conversation with Mingyu was the last stressful thing you’d encounter for a while.

It’s almost comeback season, you realise as you see the new concept photos while scrolling on your couch at home. This meant insanely early mornings for weeks on end, but you had to push through for your own sake. You’d come out of multiple comebacks needing a brace for a month but you wouldn’t trade it for the world. Never realising the true meaning of learning through experience, you were enlightened as you entered this new, very hands on field. The concept looked interesting, hoping the scraps of makeup you’d be allowed to do would be fun for you.

That ended up being true when you were, for the first time, asked to do Hoshi’s full makeup for their first comeback broadcast.

Your stumped silence was short lived as you hastily oblige and get the chair ready for him. You’d looked at the demo sheets and face charts too much for someone who wasn’t actually going to be asked to do much, but you see it pay off as you finish his eyes and get started on the rest of his face. It was easy for you to zone out as Soonyoung had passed out not even 5 minutes in, having someone hold his face as you worked.

You felt your chest swell with an indesipherable feeling as you watched him get up with your mastery on his face; pride, was it? You were getting emotional for no reason. Your attention, however, is moved sharply when you hear someone tell Mingyu it was his turn, finding him plopped on your chair staring straight into nothingness as he’d just been rudely awoken from his nap. He doesn’t realise it’s you for a solid minute as he tried to remember his own name.

‘Oh, hello’ he says, sort of confused. ‘Sorry, just give me minute’, he mumbles as he rubs his eyes.

He stretches back onto his seat signalling he’s ready for you to get started. You trying not to feel too much in your stomach as you begin.

You’re powdering his forehead when he says “I know I already said this but I really appreciate what you’re doing”

You know he’s talking about the conversation at the hotel, you were hoping you could avoid it.

“I told you not to worry about it, honest.” You reply, and somehow manage to choke out “It makes me happy that you’re happy”

You can see him trying to fight a smile, “Thank you for saying that”.

You wanted to stab someone. But you opt for gently brushing a base colour across his eyes.

“Do any of us know her, by any chance?” You ask cautiously.

“I dont think so. We met through mutual friends at a Christmas dinner, we didn’t start talking till she had to bring me a bunch of papers I’d left at my mom’s that day.” his face depicts someone reminiscing a fond memory.

It was cute, how it seemed like fate was trying to bring them together. It would've been cuter if you weren’t in a one sided pining with one of the two lovers.

“Well, I hope it works out for the both of you”

No you don’t.

“I hope so too”

You don’t hope that at all.

You felt guilty, feeling all of this. Hated that this was your first response to him wanting to be happy. Never would you have imagined stooping this low, hoping his happiness doesn’t work out for your sake. You’d like to owe it this being your first real infatuation, but you can’t help but wonder if this was really what you thought.

You decided to focus on the good news for today, that you’re finally allowed to do your actual job. You can only hope this wasn’t a temporary advancement, allowing time to tell.

Things remained the same the following day, much to your absolute elation. You were done doing 4 people’s makeup and was just winding down to take a break, quite satisfied with yourself. You observed as the rest of the boys got their hair done and run around, half in their outfits. You stifle a snort as you watch Jeonghan hide Minghao’s socks in his pockets as the boy tried to find them to put his shoes on, the former continuing to sip on his coffee seemingly unaware.

“Y/n, have you seen my socks? The green ones with the leaves on it?” Hao inevitable asks you.

You’re forced to feign confusion when Jeonghan pokes his head behind him signalling you to keep up the charade. He continues to look and you’re just about to have mercy on the poor boy before a to-go cup of coffee is shoved in front of your face.

You look up at the person and it’s Mingyu extending his arm at you expectantly.

“Oh, I didn’t order anything” you start, thinking you’re clearing up a confusion.

“I know you didn’t, got one for you anyway.”

There’s a record screech in your brain as you absorb his words.

“Think of it as me trying to repay the favour”

Oh. I see.

You’re a little embarrassed thinking he’d get one for you in that way, not when he had someone waiting on him. You accept the cup and mumble a thank you as he unexpectedly plants himself on the couch next to you.

“I saw you drinking lattes a lot of the times, so I just got you that. Hope that’s okay”.

Your silent for a moment before replying “Yes!” a little bit too loudly, eyes widening a little realisng your lack of volume control.

He knows your coffee order.

“Yes,” you say again in a normal tone and a slight laugh to cover up your inability to read the room, “They’re my favourite actually”

Kim Mingyu knows you like latte’s. This wasn’t good for your delusional brain.

Your conversation is cut short when the boys are called for roll call before they can prepare for the actual stage. You watch him get up and leave to file into the overstuffed elevators, not before he throws you the most adorable wave you’ve ever seen. You can’t hold back your smile as you wave back and look down at the drink he got you before taking a sip.

***

As it turns out, you did makeup for the rest of their comeback season, and Mingyu, without fail, got you an iced latte every single day before leaving to go on stage.

You tried to get him to stop, but he was rooted in his position and you didn’t have it in you to say no to his pleading eyes. It was a re-charge for you, when you’d seen him break into a happy smile, prominent canines that you’d grown to adore. He’d done more than enough to ‘repay’ you for swearing to secrecy, and you felt like you too, should  should repay him the balance.

So here you were, making banana bread in your kitchen again, careful to remember to crack your eggs on the rim of your mixing bowl instead of slamming them on the counter. You’re stirring the flour in when a classified devious thought occurs to you.

These past two weeks were pivotal for both you and Mingyu, daily coffee’s meant daily conversations, which meant getting to know one another more. You’d exchanged phone numbers in the midst of all of this, to which ensued the agenda of staying up till midnight talking to each other about the meaning of life.

Setting down the whisk, you pick up your phone and sent the text before you chickened out.

[You]: I have a surprise for you.

[You]: You wanna come over? It’s better enjoyed fresh lol

[Mingyu]: Ma’am? 👁👁

[Mingyu]: That sounds a whole lot like a booty call

[You]: *attachment*

[Mingyu]: IS THAT CAKE??

[Mingyu]: omw 😮‍💨

You send the location and set your phone down, a jittery feeling going through your entire body. There’s a spring in your step as you slide the loaf into the oven and set a timer. You turn around your kitchen island and register the pigsty that is your apartment. The girls were over the night before and you had done nothing to enlighten the aftermath, pillows strewn across the entire living room and snack wrappers in places you’re not sure how they landed.

By the time you’re done and spritzed the place with some of your nicer perfumes, your taking the loaf out of the oven and on a rack to cool.

Ever the punctual man, you hear the doorbell ring just as your taking your oven mitts off.

Hoping you’ve done enough to your apartment to save yourself from embarrassment, you collect yourself and open the door for him through your ringcam. He’s barely through when your rushing towards your doorway.

“Hi!”

“Hey,” he grunts as he tries to slip off his shoes.

“‘aight, where’s my cake?” he demands once he’s done giving you a quick hug.

You roll your eyes and usher him to the kitchen, “First of all, appreciate how excited you are to see me, and second, its banana bread not cake, sorry to burst your bubble”

He responds to your grumbling with an “Oh come on, you can't put freshly baked goods on the agenda and expect me to pay particular attention to anything else”.

He has his trademarked grin and cheesy stare out on display like its nobody’s business, you want to slap it off of him in the most loving way possible, but you settle with a tiny “shut up”.

“I brought warm coffee this time, thought it’d go better” He sets the to-go carrier on the kitchen counter, following you to where you were attempting to slice the still hot banana bread on a tray.

“Oh, that was a good idea” you say.

“Where’re your plates and forks?” he asks, pulling out the drawers and cabinets you signal to.

It all felt too domestic for your weak heart to handle. Not to say it didn’t warm you to the core how comfortable he felt in your space, you did, more than you’d care to admit. But he needed to tone it down before you required an organ transplant.

You were seated on the floor, butts parked on floor cushions, backs against the couch. The coffee table held all of your goods while you both argued on which movie to watch.

“I can’t believe you haven’t watched any of the Harry Potter movies! No, we’re watching philosopher’s stone, I don’t care!” You shout in disbelief, already typing it into the search bar on the TV.

“Philly-philo- bro I can’t even pronounce it why would I watch that?!” He yells back, snatching the remote from you.

You’re both a giggling, screaming mess on the floor as you keep trying to steal the remote from each other, not stopping until one of you bumps into the table and you almost spill hot coffee all over yourselves.

You decide to call a truce and pick another movie entirely.

Just as you’re pressing play, Mingyu takes a bite of the still (surprisingly) warm banana bread and you watch as his eyes roll to the back of his head.

“This is so good” He says, his faced furrowed as he goes in for another bite. “Did you lace this with something, why is this so good?”

You’re biting back a snarky remark but you let it rip anyway; “It’s cuz these pretty hands made it”

You splay your hands out in front of your face, like your showing him your rings, fingers wiggling and a cheeky smile on your face.

He looks unimpressed as he scoffs. He swallows before saying: “At least you didn’t call the secret ingredient love or something”

“Excuse you, I’m pretty sure I heard you say that in some Gose episode” You remark.

He turns to you, all smug: “So your saying you watch Gose? Like, regularly?”

You immediately turn away from his taunting smirk, “Sometimes, if it shows up on my home page”

You take a sip of your latte before he asks you another sweat producing question.

“Oh, but you pay attention to me the most don’t you? Don’t you?”

He’s poking fun at you, you know that. But a paranoid part of you can’t help but think he’s onto you and your feelings.

So you say something maybe a little bit below the belt.

“You sure have a knack for seeking validation from the world when you have a partner already giving that to you”

The words tumble out of your mouth before you know it. In your defence, you're doing this for a greater cause, but it's still a relief when you see him comically gasp, hand to his diaphragm.

“Just because your alone in life, doesn’t mean you need to be salty about other people receiving actual love” He spits back.

Your sputtering trying to think of a response. Deserved.

He grabs a slice of the bread and shoves into your mouth to shut you up once and for all. You’re left chewing the mouthful and staring at him in shock.

He giggles and takes a sip of coffee, satisfied with himself. When he sets it down he opens his mouth to speak. Closes it again, like he re-evaluating, and finally decides to say something. He’s serious now.

“Ji Eun and I, decided it wasn’t gonna work out between us”.

Oh.

“Oh.”

He blows a raspberry and lets out a meek laugh.

“Yeah, oh. It’s whatever, it wasn’t meant to work out. Better sooner than later.”

You’re trying to find the words to reply or comfort him.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” You ask him, being careful to not lace your voice with pity, but more neutral and open. “You don’t have to, obviously, but it might be better to talk about what’s bothering you”

He pauses for a moment before starting.

“She wasn’t sitting very well with the idea that she had to share me. Like at all. She wouldn’t say it but she’d get mildly infuriated when I’d blow the fans a kiss or something, or interacted with the staff too much. I was getting home quite late certain days during comeback season and I’d find her outside the dorm at like 11 PM. It was embarrassing when all of the other members would see her there, obviously upset and basically yelling at me for, for - for literally just doing my job.I guess all the smaller things just started piling and she couldn’t take it. I tried so hard to make sure she felt wanted and secure in the relationship but nothing felt like it was ever enough. She was evasive or confrontational all at the wrong times and it came to a point- its a horrible thought to have in a relationship - but I was terrified she’d do something rash and I’d wake up to my face on articles for some reason - again”

You recollected the past couple years when Mingyu was thrown around in the media for a new accusation seemingly everyday. You weren’t involved with anything regarding the industry back then, but you’d heard enough news to be aware of what was happening.

Your heart swelled with sadness as you heard him talk, he sounded like he was trying- trying hard to be good enough. All for a person who seemed to have their priorities set somewhere else.

“She was amazing; kind and happy and confident. She treated my parents with respect, she was best friends with my sister. I know we only lasted like 3 months but at some point I really considered that she could be the one. But then the problems started and I realized she was only becoming an added factor to stress and anxiety for me more than anything else.

“I liked her because she was so family oriented, and I thought that was what would fit me because I’m like that too. But, I guess I’m just a different kind of oriented? I don’t know. I have a job that’s both interpersonal and unpredictable. There’s days where I don’t wanna get up and do work but I still love it nonetheless. I guess she just expected me to have a predictable, stable 9 to 5. Home in time for dinner, not requiring interaction with too many people; basically everything I can’t be.”

He’s silent for a moment.

You start talking after a couple beats.

“I really hope you aren’t taking this like it’s your fault. She made a choice to put up with your work, knowing how it would be for the both you. You tried your best but she made you feel like your best wasn’t good enough. I dunno about you, but that sounds like a really problematic conclusion. If she truly cared for you and what you love, she would never have been this unsupportive or not understanding”.

He’s listening to you, his expression is blank but you can tell he’s absorbing your words.

“I’d like to think I had realized that. But being completely honest, I’m not really sure when my thoughts go back to me thinking I’m the problem all the time.”

He manages a smile, a wide one, as he looks up to make eye contact with you; “But I know it’ll take me some time to really start believing that it’s not entirely my fault. We just weren’t compatible, and that’s fine. We left on good terms, and I’m happy about that.”

You smile with him as he finishes, but your a little confused when he starts sliding closer and down the cushions.

He sets his head on your shoulder.

You may have shortcircuited right then and there.

“Is this okay?” he asks you quietly, attention finally diverted to the half played movie.

You realise he asked you a question and you have to answer.

“Yeah, this is fine” You breathe out, somehow, by the graces of God himself.

No, you weren’t fine at all. You felt like the universe had flipped a faulty switch, mixed up the scripts, lost the plot, something. But as you get used to the weight of Mingyu’s head on your shoulder, you pray it won’t come back to haunt you in another chapter.

***

Your routine became inverted in the sense that, what you once had to plan out so intricately, is unfolding with no effort from you at all.

You find that Mingyu waits for you to be done with somebody else so you can do his makeup, instead of sitting on another free chair. He’d come to you specifically to touch up his makeup instead of going to an artist he saw closer to him. He never forgot to get you a coffee whenever it was that he saw you.

Mingyu hadn’t slept over that night, instead leaving in his car despite the 1 AM drizzle and your insistence for him to stay until the pour recedes.

Maybe it was better for you that he hadn’t stayed that night. Something about how you grew so close ‘organically’ made you feel like this wasn’t all in your head, that he’s choosing to be your friend.

You’re handing him his clothes as he begins to change, using the excuse to whisper to him;

“I was gonna try a new brownie recipe tonight, if you’re free you can come over?”

“I think I have somewhere to be after this but I’m free after, How’s 6?”

So there you are, back in your kitchen folding chocolate chunks into your brownie batter while waiting for Mingyu to get here.

Your phone dings from the island and you check to see a message from Mingyu sending you what looked like a grocery list; pasta, oregano, garlic…

[Mingyu]: Tell me what you don’t have from this

[Mingyu]: I’m at the store rn hurry up

You send him a list of what you don’t have, realising he intended to have dinner with you too.

[Mingyu]: k thanks

[Mingyu]: be there in like an hour

There’s a warm feeling that’s swelling in your chest, that makes you wanna punch a wall because your so happy. You choose self control, mostly because this apartment is on a lease but also you’d probably break your knuckles trying to punch anything harder than a foam mat.

By the time Mingyu’s here, the brownies are in the oven and you’re almost done with the icing. He unpacks the groceries (and the warm lattes) he bought while you finish up, confirming that he was trying a new pasta recipe tonight. Setting the brownies and coffee down on your usual coffee table, you decide wait a couple hours before starting on making dinner, instead choosing to hear him ramble about an idol he met at an award show.

“So, we start talking before we’re ready to go up- you weren’t there you were working on wonwoo’s makeup- and he starts complimenting me and so obviously I start complimenting him back”

He’s waving his arms around, and setting positions with coasters on the table trying to explain the setting.

“He asks me if I have a sister and I’m like… yes? Which I should’ve realised where this was going because he then” - he pauses to take a deep breath - “this absolute asshat decides it’d be funny to ask me for her number because apparently ‘if you’re this hot, I’m sure any sibling you have is too’ BRO, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU SAY THAT - how are laughing at this?!”

You calm yourself down for a second to clarify, “NO! It’s just hilarious how he thought that was okay to say”

You’re still still giggling in shock when Mingyu calms down, now also laughing incredulously.

“But actually though, please tell me you smacked him” you manage.

“I would have,” he grumbles “I got called to fix my hair cuz I ruined it or something”.

“Oh well, now you know who to avoid next time,” you say as you guide a bite of brownie into his mouth, “Forget about it now, eat sugar, it’ll help”

He chews a bit before swallowing, all while you’re watching him with an endeared smile on your face.

“Y’know, I really thought you didn’t like me when you first joined the team”

You pause mid sip of your coffee, brows furrowed, “What do you mean?”

“You never really talked me, did you? You were friendly with the rest of them but it just seemed like you never wanted to enter a room if you saw me there”

You’re looking at him in utter shock, this man was mistaking your avoidant (yet also pushy) teenage crush behaviour for dislike.

He’s looking at you expectantly, a little pout on his face.

“I never disliked you, why would you think that? I promise everything was a coincidence, it was nothing like that”

“Don’t get so defensive, kinda obvious you like me now if not before” He laughs at your panicked expression.

He meant platonic like.

“I’m sorry I made you feel like that though, I’ve been told I have a pretty serious resting bitch face, it’s gotten me in trouble before” she smile sheepishly.

“It’s fine, you made up for it with that first banana bread” He says before taking another bite of brownie, “Could use more chocolate chunks”

You snort before pushing him with a sock clad foot, “Appreciate me even giving them to you” 

You fall back to the adjacent sofa.

It’s quiet for a moment. But you feel like something’s shifted in the air.

You watch as he brings his hand to the same foot, holding onto your ankles. He’s caressing the exposed skin with his fingers, moving them back and forth. His eyes are glued to yours, looking like he’s in a trance. You’re not sure how to register this new change in mood, suddenly feeling like you need to turn the aircon on during the bleak Seoul winter. Just as you're hoping you don’t start sweating, you feel his vice grip on your ankle pull your leg over with a sharp tug. You scream as you lose support of the sofa and fall back.

You sit up in shock to find him leaning with his elbows on the floor, cackling like madman.

“Mingyu, what the fuck?”

“You-” He stops to laugh again, “You should’ve seen your face, PLEASE, it was hilarious”.

You huff before getting up shoving his shoulder with your foot again, “You’ve been playing guest a little too long, maybe it’s time you get started on that pasta”

“Will I be blessed enough to be receiving her highness’s help?” He asks.

He looks like a dream, clad in his T-shirt because he claims he doesn’t get cold. Hands behind him on the floor to give him support as he stares up at you, smiling wide. He’s looking at you with eyes full of stars and glitter.

You muster up the courage to give him a nasty glare, to which he huffs at and gets up, “Such a meanie”.

It’s hard to conceal your smile as his back his turned, sachaying towards the kitchen. You want to slap him and kiss him at the same time.

Your washing veggies in the sink when you turn around catch sight of his back as he stood at the kitchen island, sorting the rest of the ingredients. You get the same overwhelming feeling in your chest again, assuming you’re deluding yourself into thinking this is what life could be like with him. In less than 3 seconds, you’ve conjured a timeline of domestic routines, to wind down with him like this every evening.

You’re still lost in thought, still incessantly staring when he turns around and catches you in the act. He does the rude thing and snaps his fingers in front of your face to pull you out of your thoughts, “You okay?”

“Yeah” You say trying to gloss it over while busying yourself trying to find your cutting board.

“Are you sure? Do you wanna sit down at the island and watch me instead. You don’t have to help -”

“Pick a knife, and shut up dingus, it’s fine”

Once your both done eating and cleaning up, Mingyu hugs you goodbye, not before asking if you’d be free for lunch next week before he got busy the following month. You quickly agree, setting a date and time, bidding your (reluctant) farewells.

***

Once back in your apartment you realize how you can’t clean up to distract yourself because Mingyu took it upon himself to clear the space with you before he left. You sigh loudly and retire into your bedroom where you don’t have to think about how empty your living room is.

Changing into your pajamas and putting a headband on, you don’t even feel like turning your music on to do your night routine. You double cleanse, tone, serum, acid and moisturise your face with added purposefulness, taking note of the crevices of your nose and the neglected bottom of your chin. Taking extra time to make sure all of the foam is out of your skin before drying your face with a tissue.

You look at your fed skin in the mirror, and feel a weird surge of tears well in your eyes. Before they can fall you slam your bathroom cabinet to busy yourself to find your melatonin gummies, shoving them in your mouth before switching off the bathroom light and retiring to your bedroom.

Slipping the headband off and sliding into bed, you’re still chewing your gummies to a paste in your mouth. Trying not to notice how heavy you’re breathing you try to find your white noise machine, the one you found advertised for infants, and turn it on before grabbing your book to read for a few extra minutes.

Your staring at the pages like you found them to be blank. You’re phone dings next to you, signalling a notification.

Picking it up you find your mental health app sending you a daily reminder.

You’re allowed to feel your emotions.

***

Winter had run its course as you find yourself in April. You never really liked the cold, having been more sensitive to a gust of wind than the average joe, you were better suited to sitting with an aircon instead of being unable to move in the middle of Korea’s January cold rush. But alas, the cherries are blossoming and your fingers have defrosted.

That isn’t what’s on your mind right now though, as you’re standing in a Sephora, arms crossed and shoulders tense. You loved shopping for makeup, but you mostly chose to do it online unless you really had to otherwise. Parking yourself in the perfume section with the scents mixing together a cocktail of nosehair doom, you really wish you’d worn a face mask. Not to mention the migraine inducing coloured lights and mainstream pop playing in the background (you swear they’ve been playing Side to Side by Ariana Grande on loop since you got here).

These were all, however, peripheral observations for you, as you stare in absolute pneumonic shock at the number written on the price tag of the perfume you’re looking at.

Now, Mingyu is a man of class, high maintenance if you will. You’re well aware he likes to spoil himself, because he has a bank account to back it up.

Your bank account is definitely full and secure, but not enough for you to justify dropping what seems like half of its contents to something only one of the five senses can experience.

Mingyu mentioned in passing how he wanted this perfume a while ago, and knowing that he hadn’t ordered it for himself just yet, you decide to be the amazing friend that you are and surprise him for his birthday.

You may be regretting that right now, but you tentatively pick up the blue, crystalline bottle and spritz a bit on a paper strip before taking a whiff. It smelled good, that’s for sure, and it suited him too. So when the saleslady came to offer assistance, after you excused the last three, you decide you’re going to do this for him.

“Yes, could I have this in the box please?”

Walking back to your car you feel a bount of jitter run through you,

Oh, he’s gonna freak out when he sees this.

He did, in fact, freak when he saw it, and his reaction made you want to give him all of the good things in the world if you could see him like this all the time.

He’s smiling ear to ear and speaking in that high pitched voice that he gets when he’s excited. He’s thanking you over and over again, smoothing the box over in his hands repeatedly, looking at the ‘from: y/n :p’ with hearts in his eyes.

“I’m gonna save this for the rest of my life” he says, with determination and a goofy grin.

You snort at the declaration, “Sure, bud”

“I’m serious. What, you wanna bet?” he replies, taking a sip of his, latte, which you proudly credit yourself for swerving him over from Americano’s.

He insisted on going out to eat at this fancy French place a day before his actual birthday as he’d be busy on the day of, but it was risky for him to be seen eating out alone with a young woman at such a fancy place. You settled for a nicer traditional Korean restaurant, that allowed you to book a room away from possible prying eyes and one that you were both comfortable with. You decided to wait till you were back in the car with your post dinner coffee’s to give him his present.

“I’m giving you 3 months before that bottle’s dry to the dregs” You affirmed, “You smell like you empty half a bottle of something off your dresser everyday anyways”

You said it as an insult, but jokes on you because you loved the way he smelled.

“Fine, I’m gonna use this so carefully I’m not replacing it for at least a year”

“A year? What happened to the rest of your life?” you refute.

“I have you for that, don’t I”

What the fuckity fuck.

He’d turned to you, leaning on the headrest, that signature cheesy look; like he was in love or something. Voice dropping a couple octaves as he said it, laced with something defined and strong - enough for it to feel like the weight of an elephant had dropped on your chest.

You gather yourself after looking at him for a couple seconds, jaw unhinged and forgotten on the floor of his car. You chose to grab your cardigan that was neatly folded on the dash, and astral project it to his face across the seat. He’s laughing so hard there’s tears glistening in the corner of his eyes. He falls forward and you see strands of his hair fall to his face, he’d been growing them out.

“Shut up” you grumble in your seat, annoyed at how easy it was for him to send your heart through and beyond your chest.

He’s still giggling like a school girl, and you cave and give him a hint of a smile.

“There it iiiis” He announces, grabbing your face and smushing your cheeks together.

For a moment, he stops to look at you like this, like he’s contemplating. For one, brain rattling, organ exploding, microsecond, you think he might even kiss you.

Instead, he headbutts you slightly rubbing his head swiftly before letting go.

“I might need to wash my hands, I think I got your makeup on me” He mumbles, looking at his hands like a child with mud soaked palms.

“Serves you right, you buffoon,” You remark as you pull out your trusty travel pack of makeup wipes.

Yanking one out of the tab, you pull his hand over and try to wipe the remnants of foundation off, starting from the heel up to each individual finger. It’s silent as you concentrate on getting it all off both hands, he was wearing black tonight and knowing him he’d rub his hand over his pants and get beige foundation all over. You knew because you’d seen him do it one too many times.

“All done” you quip, looking up and catching his stare. He’s smooth to slowly look away and retract his open hands from your lap about 5 seconds after it became noticeable.

You busy yourself by attempting to stash away the wipes to throw out later, closing the pack of wipes and shoving them back into your bag.

He’s watching you do all of this, his stare is burning holes into the side of your head. He’s desperate to say something, but you’re not sure if you want to hear.

“Let’s go back to my place. We’ll stick a candle into a sheet brownie and call it your birthday cake. Oh, we can pick up ice cream too!”, You say, costuming your voice to sound unaffected by his vibe.

And so you did stick a candle in the fresh batch of brownies you both made at 11PM, two hours before his actual birthday. Sitting across from each other on the counter, Mingyu has his eyes closed shut, hands clasped, wearing a ridiculously coloured ‘BIRTHDAY BOY’ headband you found somewhere deep in your drawers.

“You’re gonna get wax on the brownies and they're gonna be inedible, hurry up” You groan, after everytime it seems like he’s done, he clenches his eyes shut again as he remembers another thing he has to wish for.

You’re not actually annoyed, he looks the cutest he’s ever looked, but you would appreciate non waxed brownies.

When he’s finally done, he blows out the singular candle and you clap lightly, “yay!”

You’re pulling out the candle and grabbing forks, dumping a couple scoops of ice cream on before you two start eating straight out of the pan.

Its a collection of groans as you both collapse on your couch, regretting eating all that so soon after dinner. He changed out of his dinner outfit to a T-shirt and pajama pants, he’d started keeping a set of clothes in his car when it started to become routine for him to spend regular  evenings after work at your place.

You’re in your own unicorn pajama’s, slumped over on the arm rest slightly. You feel Mingyu scooch over to put his head in your lap, claiming he was “closing his eyes for a minute”.

You knew how lightning fast he passes out, so not even 5 minutes later you start to hear his light snores. As much as you want to wake him up to move him to the bed, you know he can’t stay the night. His birthday meant he had to be with the boys, and needing to head out early tomorrow.

So you give him 10 more minutes, fingers tracing the shape of his features, in his soft hair massaging his head with your nails slightly. He had a little pout on his face as he slept. Things had been hectic for him lately, having a comeback later in the month and the plethora of music and variety shows to follow.

Mingyu had been writing lyrics on the kitchen island one day, sputtering random words as you quipped in rhymes of your own without context, stirring the pot of soup on the hob at the same time.  

One particular rhyme you spew out catches him off guard and he barks out a laugh at the ridiculous combination.

“I should put you on song credits for this”

“What do you think my producer name could be?”

He thinks for a second, “Banana bread sounds stupid, um, how’s brownie?”

“Cute, and serious enough” you agree, “I’ll be expecting to see my name on that album, sir”

Snapping out of your thoughts, you turn your attention back to the sleeping man curled up in your lap. You wonder if you could fall asleep on the couch too, keep him here with you for the night. Be a little selfish. It’d be nice, making waffles for breakfast when morning comes. But he needed to be at the dorm in the morning, the boys knew where he was but managers that’d come pouring in at 7 AM sharp, did not. And it was best kept that way. The last thing Mingyu wanted, you knew, was people getting the wrong idea. The thought stung a little bit, but you knew not to mix your hopes with what reality was giving you.

So you gather the courage to slowly reign him back from dreamland.

***

Your sitting with Mingyu and Seungkwan on the couches outside the dressing rooms, a little bit before they have to go to perform. You were done with your agenda and was waiting for them to start filing out before beginning to pack up.

“No, because why does he get to eat all the good stuff right out the oven and we don’t, that’s not fair” Seungkwan complained loudy to you, a mildly offended look on his face.

“Stop being such a complain bot, you’re never happy if I have nice things” Mingyu retorts, increasingly nasty looks being exchanged for an argument about freshly baked goods.

“Oh, I’m the hater?! Let me jog your memory, who was the one sulking and shoving me around when Y/n wouldn’t let you-”

Mingyu had jumped up and pulled Seungkwan into a headlock, his poor Americano half flying across the hall as he yells out in disarray.

“YAH!” cued with more noises of struggle and muffled threats.

You chose to embrace the violence by sitting in your seat and laughing as Vernon recorded their antics from the doorway inside eventually circing them for his supposed cinematic effect, catered for the inevitable weverse post that was to come.

Cut to them apologizing and cleaning up the mess of coffee and disregard.

You decide to be nice and attempt to make peace by reassuring Seungkwan, “Come over after you’re done promoting this week, I’ll make up for all the bread and cookies you missed out on”

“If you've finished with your escort duties Y/n, could you please come in and do your day job?”

The voice came from the doorway of the dressing room, your senior makeup artist standing there with her usual mildly inconvenienced expression. It took you a minute to fully understand what she meant by that sentence, your body completely still.

“Offended? What, like I’m wrong?”

You were no stranger to insulting behaviour in work places, but they’d always been revolving around your actual job description. People who didn’t like you knew they had to be smart on how they treated you regardles.

This was different. This felt like you were projected back in time to your solemn middle school days to mean girls taunting you about your spongebob socks, except multiply that by about a thousand.

You feel your stomach begin to churn as that nauseous feeling of shame began to settle itself into your veins.

You’re not sure how long you’ve been sitting there but when she slightly raises her voice; “Are you getting up or not?” your hands actively begin to tremble the slightest amount.

You’re making moves to get up by puting your coffee cup down, not knowing what to do except follow commands.

Your interrupted by a voice from behind; “She’s coming in, give us a minute”

Mingyu’s standing there, his expression stoic as Seungkwan and Vernon looked as stunned as you felt. You don’t register it in the moment, but the people in the hall, venue staff and those for other artists have also silenced, watching the scene unfold.

Her lips are in a tight line, her expression remaining irritated as she steps back inside the room.

You realise you need to do something to diffuse the escalated situation. Letting out a breathy laugh, you get up and tell them that you’ll be going inside, trying to keep your expression pleasant and unaffected, not waiting before turning around to spare them the burden of a response. People get yelled at everyday, and this is no different. You aren’t gonna be the one to make a scene out of a regular occurrence.

You know what's coming when you get inside, she’s waiting as she pulls you aside.

“Your behavior has been quite concerning recently, let me remind you of your place here and what you were hired to do. You've been dilly dallying with people who aren't even your friends, and its quite funny that you’d think they are. It's time to wake up from wasting your time making heart eyes at men who are way out of your league. I won't tolerate any more nonsense from you, and trust I won’t be this nice or forgiving the next time this happens”

You choose to nod your head.

“That’s another thing, use your own words. Don’t think other people are gonna be there all the time to speak for you” She spits out, her professional front slowly eroding the more she spoke.

“Yes, ma’am” You say, hoarse voice.

“Louder, next time”, she stalks out as majority of the people in the room also begin to leave for the filming downstairs.

You’re left standing awkwardly in front of the racks of clothes, trying to digest what just happened to you. Looking around the room, you try to figure out what your supposed to do.

Clothes on the couches, eyeshadow brushes on the floor. There’s a torn sponge resting underneath one of the chairs, a couple styrofoam boxes left on the tables from lunch.

There’s so much for you to do, you arent sure how you thought you had time to sit down and chat. But you’re not sure where to begin either. The room is a mess of smells and colours even without the buzzing noise of people getting ready. Tears begin to form as you try to navigate what you’re supposed to do, realising you can’t possibly find a starting point for any of this mess. Before you have time to think of anything else, a hand is holding onto your wrist, small and soft.

It’s Yoona, another one of the makeup artists.

“Y/n, I think it’s best if you go home, it’s been tiring.”

“But-”

“Don’t worry, I’ll handle her. Just trust me. Go home you’ll feel alot better”

She notices you hesitate for a second, and goes in to give you a hug.

It felt nice, to be hugged by a friend. For some reason, it didn’t feel like she was pitying you, her expression and aura reassuring you that you didn’t have to stand here alone.

“Whatever happened today shouldn't have happened, but you don’t need to think about that right now. Go home and do nice things for yourself, we’ll figure it out later. You have my number, give me a text once you get home. We can go out later if you want, when I get off work, to get your mind off things”

You’re not sure how you’re holding back the waterpark that has become of your tearducts as you hear those words from an unsuspecting friend, you nod with a smile. You feel a little more calm.

You can’t tell if you care enough to consider the consequences of your senior finding out how you’re doubling or nothing on your already posed humiliation. But the only thing you can think of right now is your bed and the ceiling you’d stare burn holes into.

So you, for the first time in a while, chose to choose yourself by picking up your satchel and leaving the chaos behind you as you walk to your car.

***

Just because you were brave where it mattered most doesn’t mean you weren’t allowed to cry.

You had come home, shot Yoona a brief text, and promptly began to sob the absolute Nile into your sheets.

You had never cried like this before, loud wracked sobs coming from a place in your chest you had locked away during a time you couldn’t even remember. You’re breathing after every choked cry is a sputtered intake of life, only to spit it back out as you let out another sob of what sounds like agony. There’s nothing in your head, nothing but the words that were spoken to you as echoes of your own mind. Hypocritical of you to hate them when the same words circled in your head like a mantra every cursed, unfortunate day. She had done you a favour, by spitting out the truth you’d stewed, chewed and kept in your mouth ever since you got here. This was a you problem, to believe that you were capable of things beyond your bracket. You were told by the universe, screamed at by the world, that this was never meant for you, and you chose to ignore it. You chose to be stubborn. You brought this misery upon yourself.

Once you’ve disposed your body weight of tears and snot and burden, you’re left to stare at your innocent sheets now stained with mascara and your sorrows. You crawl into your covers and rest your muscles for a few seconds, head empty. You aren’t sure when you drift off, but you're glad that you do.

You don’t dream for once.

***

You wake up feeling like you drank a gallon of water and went to sleep. Your eyes, nose and throat feel like they’ve been over watered yet dry at the same time. You don’t realise what’s really arising pangs of irritancy in your brain once you figure out the consistent sound is a door bell. You’re doorbell, of the house that you live in.

You’re slow to push yourself up, realising your slept in your day clothes. It’s dark out but you're not sure what time it is, and quite frankly, you can’t say you care enough to check. You need to silence your doorbell first, which can only be done by silencing whatever hell sent individual was playing drums on the button outside.

It’s a record screech in your brain as you peer through your peephole and realise who the aforementioned hell sent individual was.

Mingyu was outside your door.

You don’t realise you look like you crawled out of a sewer till it’s too late and you’ve already opened the door through muscle memory. Mingyu was always welcome in your space.

He was in casual clothes, his hair pushed back from the guessed hands that ran through it, but he was still in stage his stage makeup.  

“Oh, were you sleeping?” He asks, eyes a little wide, expression cautious.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll go then, you weren’t answering your phone for anyone and you told Yoona you were home but you weren’t opening the door, i was worried. Sorry I ringed it so much I probably should’ve assumed-”

He stops to look at you, and it’s like realizes something before he finally says; “Just wanted to make sure you were okay, I’ll see you around. I’ll leave you alone”

“Wait,” you croak out, licking your lips, conscious of your morning voice, “Can you stay? Please? If you can.”

He stops to look at you, expression changing from sheepish to defensive.

“No! I mean, yes. Yes. I’ll stay. I’ll stay for as long as you want”

You let him in as he slips off his shoes and you lead him to the living room. His presence in the familiar place seems like it last happened eras ago, when he was only here maybe a week prior.  

“You know where everything is, I’ll be back gimme like 5 minutes”

You’re scared to look at yourself in your bathroom mirror, so you don’t, and choose to scrub your face looking down at your sink. You change into a sweatshirt and trouser loungewear set, deciding to save your dignity a little bit further as you brush your hair and clip it back with a claw clip.

You take a breath before entering the living room again.

He’s sitting on the floor in your usual place, two steaming mugs on the coffee table, the tabs hanging out of the cup. He made you tea.

You sit down next to him, not really prepared for what you should be saying.

“How long has she been speaking to you like that?” He asks you quietly.

“She was always kinda itchy and uptight and stuff but, it was never like this” You say.

“Regardless, whatever that was, it was, wrong, uncalled for, all of those things” He says, sputtering a little bit.

He stops and sighs. It’s silect for a minute before he turns in his seat to face you, grabbing your folded legs and pulling you to face him too.

“Yoona heard everything she said to you after you went in, she heard it all. And she knows about some other stuff too. If you think, even for a second, that I’m not your friend, I might actually think there’s something wrong with you.

“If everything we’ve been through this past, almost a year, doesn’t amount to us at least being friends then I don’t know what it means to have one at all. You’re the first person in a while I’ve been able to be this open with. You know me better than most people, you’ve seen me at my worst and at my best. I’ve let you read me all you want, because I know I can be an open book if it’s you. I trust you more than I can trust myself sometimes, and I really wish you would trust me too.”

You’re watching him as he says all of this, you look up to make eye contact a couple times, and he’s looking at you everytime you lift your head.

“I do trust you. Probably more than anyone else. It’s myself I don’t trust. It’s hard for me to open up, I’m scared I’m gonna say something that’ll scare you away. And, I just thought maybe she was right today, that I need to realise that it can’t be that way between us, I have a job to do”

“What can’t be between us?”

“I like you, Mingyu. Like, I’m basically in love with you and have been since I fucking met you. I couldn’t believe that you could possibly be friends with someone like me, a confused, all over the place airhead who can’t tell right from left sometimes, forget you ever liking me. All that happened is that we became friends and I thought that this was as far as fate was gonna push us. All today told me was that … that was an overextension too. It was a wake up call that I can’t have everything in life. Things were going too well for us and I was letting myself think it could stay that way forever. I’m sorry for being this way, I’m sorry for making you feel uncomfortable and out of place. This is the last thing you’d want to hear from a friend and I’m sorry I’m putting you in this situation right now and that you had to go through that today-”

You don’t finish what your saying because you're interrupted. Interrupted by arms pulling you forward and into Mingyu in front of you.

Your both sitting in your living room at 3 AM, on the floor in front of your sofa like you both have so many times. Except now, Mingyu is holding you in his arms, and kissing you so delicately it hurts.

It’s warm, like getting into bed after a long day, the scent of home and security engulfing you as you begin to forget about the qualms of life.

He’s moving his lips slowly, with care and a feeling so overflowing you can’t describe.

He lets go slowly and rests his forehead against yours, his arms are around you tight, legs wrapped around your entire body so you can't escape - physically or mentally.

“You dumbass” You hear him say.

“I love you,Y/n. More than anything. And I need you to know that you don’t have to hide. If you think your thoughts are a burden then I want to carry it for you. I want you to realise you’re not alone. I want you to stop pushing me away. Everytime I want to do something nice for you, you try to push the effort to something else, everytime I try to take care of you, you have this look that makes me think you feel guilty for taking up my time or something. Everytime I think you’re about to ask me to stay the night, you remind me I have priorities and I should go, even though I know you want me to stay with you. I want you to stop caring so much for how other people feel and realise you can demand the same from the universe too. You deserve love and to be treated with care. You need to let people do that for you, love.”

Your looking at him now, your turn to have stars in your eyes.

He loves you.

And you feel it. You feel it in his words, in his eyes, in the kisses he’s leaving on your face, in his arms that are wrapped around you, ready to shield you from the world.

You don’t say anything as you fall into his chest, head on shoulder, relaxed body in the cage he’s made for you. You close your eyes as the tears are burning down your face. Except, this time they’re because your relieved.

You both got up from the uncomfortable floor and moved to your bed, still tangled within each other as you clarified everything else.

You found out that majority of the people who heard it were very upset at the situation, but didn’t know how to approach or confront her.

Seungkwan almost bust a blood vessel after he had digested what had happened, disbelief and threats on his tongue as he refused to get touched up by her during filming, apparently making a point to walk to somebody else. Seungcheol was thinking of trying to bring up the problem to management, considering how Mingyu too was distracted all the way home.

“The rest of them have gotten quite protective of you too, I think. It’s not like I shut up about you”

Apparently the only reason you were asked to start taking charge on makeup was because some of the other senior artists pressured your mentor to stop restricting you. It made you feel a little more secure that it wasn’t just you that felt pushed down.

She didn’t like that you were doing so well, considering it meant she was wrong about you and your abilities. It hurt her ego a little bit that people stopped preferring her to do their makeup or their touchups, how they wouldn’t interact with her the same way.

“Alot coming from a middle aged, married woman, attention seeking like a child” Mingyu added, scoffing with a sour face as he nuzzled into the crown of your head.

“The boys really like you by the way, they’ve been rooting for us since forever” He says, and your heart swells unimaginably so; you felt loved, so so loved.

You scooch up to plant a kiss on the underside of his chin and then one on his lips.

“That makes me happy”

“I’m happy that you’re happy. You deserve to be happy, everyday” He smooches you on the face again. “Oh, and don’t worry about that stinky face I’ll take care of her”

You laugh at the determination in his voice, but you wanted to clarify something.

“Please, let me handle her myself. I’ll ask for help if she’s stubborn but I wanna try by myself first”

“That was hot”

You push his chest away as you bark out a laugh at the random comment, hiding you face, by turning the other way.

He battles that by pull you back into his chest and continuing his atics

“What I can’t call my girlfriend hot. You’re hot. Your the sexiest motherfucker I’ve ever seen” smooch “You’re beautiful” and again  “amazing” and again “gorgeous spectacular-”

You don’t fall asleep until the sun has well made its way up the sky, taking the executive decision to sleep in till way past lunch and maybe even take a nap afterwards.

You don’t care how it goes, because your happy just being with him.

***

You met with Yoona a couple days later at a cafe.

“Seungcheol asked us if we were facing the same kind of behaviour from her too. And everyone told him she was stuck up and rude and stuff. He said he wanted to bring it up to management but it didn’t really concern him directly so they wouldn’t listen. He told us to do so ourselves and we thought about it, but we’re gonna need to tell them about that too”

You nod your head as you listen to her speak, it was making sense.

“I dont mind going up to management at all and talking about it. I get that the rest of the stuff is a little too tame to be considered, which sucks because she shouldn’t be talking to us like that at all”

“Mhm, and I was thinking we could vouch for you on how she was restraining you for almost a year. Basically not letting you do your job. That’d be a another thing for them to think about”

“Yeah. Let’s do it asap, how’s this Monday?”

“Perfect, I’ll add everyone to a group chat and let them know”

And go up to management you did, who were surprisingly understanding. Apparently having received multiple reports and even videos of the most recent incident to act as proof. It was working out for all of you, and it proved to stay that way as they responded with a promise to shift her to a different department.

You had gone home that day feeling fulfilled and relieved. Mingyu, a man with spectacular timing had also proceeded to send you a text as a distraction,

[Mingyu]: Kwan wants to come over

[Mingyu]: something about croissants

[Mingyu]: Should he text you ab it?

[You]: yeah ofc

[You]: I’ll order the butter

[You]: you tell him to text me lol

Two nights ago felt like it happened last year with all the unimaginable advances deciding to happen within the past 48 hours. Right now you were more excited for the company you were about to recieve, more concerned with making sure you made the best batch of croissants Seungkwan ever did see.

***

You were in the car with Mingyu outside the company building, waiting until the clock struck 9 to go inside.

Today was the last day you’d think about this, being called up for a face to face meeting with the staff member, so she could formally apologise. The team had planned a dinner tonight, to celebrate the end of her ‘wicked reign’ as Yoona described it.

You were finding friends everywhere, ones that were always there, pulling through for each other as you yourself navigated a new direction of thinking for yourself. You were learning to walk past your anxiety ridden desire to draw lines with everyone, as you took the first step with the dinner tonight. It would be fun for you, and a bond you’d begin to build.

You learned that you weren’t delusional anymore, and that Mingyu did love you the same. It had only been a week or so, but one of the happiest weeks of your life, despite everything. He was teaching you more lessons than he thought he was.

Mingyu squeezes your hand from the driver’s side as it was past 9, “Let’s go?”

“Lets go”

***

Mingyu’s way too enthusiastic as soon as he wakes up, indulging you in a morning (afternoon) makeout session, claiming he doesn’t care for you morning breath.

“Well I do!” you exclaim, pushing him off with a giggle “About your morning breath, stinky”

He clutches his chest in dramatic offense, “How could you? I thought you loved me”

You respond my projecting a cushion to his face.

“Do you want pancakes or eggs for breakfast?” You ask, legs hanging over the bed.

Mingyu looks up, a wicked glint in his eye, and you immediately know he’s going to say something of no help.

“I want you for breakfast” He says, grabbing you by the waist and pulling you back in bed.

“MINGYU!”

Needless to say, all was well.

#seventeen #carat #svt #svt fluff #svt scenarios #svt imagines #seventeen fluff #mingyu #mingyu fluff #mingyu angst #mingyu fic #mingyu x reader #mingyu imagines #mingyu scenarios #kim mingyu #svt x reader #em.writes

[thebramblewood]

Party Like a Spellcaster/Tome of Terror

This set contains eight pose accessories made from Realm of Magic assets: a potion bottle (in two versions), a closed tome, and all five broomsticks. It also contains two pose packs that utilize these accessories. The poses were made for my story, so they're very specific, but maybe they'll be useful to someone. Blender previews of all poses are below the cut, but you can also see them in action here, here, and here (though they've all been improved since). My real hope is that others are inspired to make their own poses using these accessories! They're imperfect, but they might help fill a gap. Click below for more information and download links!

Poses:

Sofa poses made using Violetta's Loyal Sofa from Paranormal Stuff (not tested with other sofas); place two teleporters in middle of sofa

For all other multi-Sim poses, teleport Sims to same location

Broomstick poses made with specific accessories shown (not tested for interchangeability)

Female Sim holds tome accessory in all poses but last

Both pose packs include thumbnails and detailed descriptions

All poses originally made for specific Sims; some clipping is inevitable depending on hair/clothing/body type

Pose Player and Teleport Any Sim (or another teleportation method) required

I'm still a beginner! Please excuse any slight anatomical oddities!

Accessories:

Categorized as bracelets

Assigned to stigmata joint

Potion has right and left hand versions; tome and broomsticks are in right hand

Swatches include all EA variations

Compatible with male and female frames

Disabled for random

Custom CAS icons

Potions conflict with glasses; everything else conflicts with hats

Because of transparency, most broomsticks won't play nicely with MXAO and DOF if you're a Re/Gshade user and some editing trickery will be required

Broomstick quality is iffy, especially the more ornate ones; I'm sorry, I don't know how to make them look better :(

In the spirit of full disclosure, here are some screenshots of the brooms in game with no Reshade or editing. As you can see, the Crystal Zoomer suffers the most.

Everything has been tested in game, but please let me know if you encounter any major issues. You can modify/alter with credit, but please don't claim as your own or put anything behind a paywall. Feel free to tag me if you use them!

DOWNLOAD: Simfileshare / Google Drive (all-in-one zip or separated package files)

#ts4cc #ts4 cc #s4cc #sims 4 cc #ts4 poses #ts4 pose pack #sims 4 poses #ts4 download #sims 4 download #ts4 realm of magic #ts4 #sims 4 #simblr #i have no idea how to do cover images for cc lol #i did my best #please reblog to share! <3

[ddejavvu]

Hungman - Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Reader

Summary: Jake's camboy endeavors are not unbeknownst to you, and one day you take him up on a teasing offer to join

Requested: ohhh how about thoughts on camboy Jake (screen name Hungman) whose best friend walks in on him after a show and he jokingly invites her to join him next time. she accepts (shocking Jake bc she’s lil miss sweet, shy, good girl) and when it comes show time he finds out just how nasty his bestie can be (I’m talking her begging him to be mean and nasty and “spank me daddy please!!!” which blows his mind). he makes bank that night and invites her back to his bed anytime. show or not.

Contents/Warnings: best friend/roommate!jake, smut (minors dni), rough sex, oral sex (m receiving), AFAB/fem!reader, ever-so-slight degradation, p in v but from the back, penetration, no mention of protection, teasing/joking daddy kink (she says it once to piss him off so it's not really a kink i don't think), camboy!jake

WC: 2.8K / navigation

feedback is greatly appreciated! comment, reblog, talk in the tags, send me a message, tell me what you think!

"Jake, I found the rub you were looking for last week, it was only- woah!"

You come to a screeching halt in the doorway, watching as your roommate doesn't seem rushed at all to cover up his bare lower half. He's got a lazy smirk on his face, standing with his sweat-slicked chest on display as his hands hover almost uselessly over his dick.

"Oh, good," He nods, holding eye contact with you as your gaze threatens to slip lower, "Meat for dinner tonight. then. Sorry," He apologizes a moment too late, glancing down at his bare form, "Stream ended late."

"No worries," You give him a small smile, bag clutched tighter in your hands, "Sometimes I forget you do those things, m'never here to see 'em."

"Oh, yeah? You wanna be?" Jake chuckles, reaching for a towel while keeping one hand still over his cock. As big as his hand is, it's no use there.

"Wouldn't mind joining," You shrug, "It would be nice to have some extra pocket cash."

"Joining?" Jake's laugh is even more incredulous now, and he rubs the towel through his sweaty hair rather than wrapping it around his midsection, "Darlin', the day you join me is the day I'll keel over in shock."

--

You march towards Jake's room clad in tight lingerie, black lace snug to your skin.

"Get ready to keel over," You command, stepping over a stray sock in his doorway, "Ready to do this thing?"

"Woah!" Jake's eyes widen as he turns, clad in only tight briefs. It gives you a very intimate view of his clothed cock, and all of a sudden the fabric seems a lot tighter.

"What's the plan?" You ask, readjusting the strap of your bra, "Just, drop down on the floor and fuck like rabbits?"

"Y/N," Jake breathes, chest heaving with shock, "What- what are you doing?"

"You said I could be here," You huff, cocking a hip out and crossing your arms, making your tits pop, "What, you changed your mind? I wasn't kidding, I need money."

"You're really joining?" Jake asks, face the picture of a disgruntled Ken doll.

"No, Jake," You sneer, narrowing your eyes, "I was actually planning on going for a walk in the park. Just wanted to see if you'd join me."

"Alright, alright," Jake's shoulder slump from where they're tensed at his ears, "No need to get snippy, missy."

You see his dick twitch. He likes snippy.

After a bout of awkward silence, Jake gestures to a camera set up on his desk.

"Camera's there," He reaches up to scratch the back of his neck, "Not on yet, though. We're gonna go live, so I can't edit out your face. You got a mask, or something?"

"Nah," You shake your head, "Not unless you want me wearing your helmet."

"That's-" Another dick twitch, briefs straining to contain him, "-not a bad idea. But I probably shouldn't use government-issued equipment for porn."

"No fun," You lament, striding over to the bed and crawling onto the mattress on your hands and knees. You're fully presented to him, ass up and head down, wriggling your hips as you wait for the beep of the camera.

"So," You shimmy, "Anytime soon, big guy?"

"You're really ready for this?" Jake asks, hovering by the camera with an uncertain gaze.

"Just-" You huff, straining to meet his eye with a desperate look in your own, "Fuck me, Jake!"

His eyes darken, his jaw clenches, and you swear his briefs nearly rip.

"Okay," He murmurs, low and dangerous, and you hear the click of the camera's recording button.

"You," Jake drawls, sidling up behind you and gripping your hips in his strong hands, "Have been a very naughty girl."

You scoff at his stereotypical porno-style dialogue, playing along anyways, "Oh, yeah? What did I do, daddy?"

You hear his breathing hitch, and his fingers dig harder into your flesh.

"You've been watching my streams," He murmurs, dangerous and accusatory. Your stomach bottoms out, you have. You aren't sure how he's figured you out, but you have, and until now, you'd thought you were getting away with it. He wasn’t hard to find, and you have to give him credit for his creative screen name: Hungman.

"All this time," He hums, slowly smoothing his hand over the fleshy globes of your ass, "You've been buried under the covers in your room, those pretty little hands of yours sinking in your cunt, huh?"

Then, after a moment of silence, he hums, "Yeah?"

You nod, almost shamefully, and you're given a sharp smack to the ass in response.

It makes you cry out, and your voice blends with Jake as he roars, "Answer me!"

"Yes!" You yelp, breathing heavy as you push your ass further towards him, in search of another surge of pleasure, "Yes, I- I've been watching your videos."

"And last week," He drawls, rubbing your sore ass with his massive, rough hand, "Caught me damn near naked. You think I didn't see how flustered you were? Think I didn't notice how tense those shoulders were, huh?" Jake's large hand moves up your back, squeezing at your tight shoulder. You gasp at the feeling, his fingers prodding at sensitive muscles.

"This whole time," He stalks around to the front of the bed, cock out and hard near your face. It makes your mouth water; you nearly choke on your drool.

"This whole time you've been thinkin' about me, haven't you?" Jake asks, running a soft hand through your hair, "Fingers buried in that wet cunt of yours, stuffin' a shirt- my shirt in your mouth to stop from moanin'."

"How do you-" You stammer, but Jake cuts you off, hand tightening in your hair.

"I saw you." He reveals, "'Came in to give you your laundry. You left the door open, baby. Did you want me to see?"

"No," You shake your head, but it doesn't go far with his hand in your hair, "No, I- I didn't know you were home."

"Didn't know," Jake scoffs, dick stiff, "I walk like a damn elephant, Y/N. You knew."

"I didn't mean for you to see me," You insist, but oh, you did, "Honest, Jake, I swear!"

"Don't swear," He sneers, letting go of your hair to lean over and swat at your ass again, "This is what you wanted, baby. This is it," He slips a hand under his hard cock, pushing it towards your face, "Take it, darlin'. Take it, this is what you wanted."

You lean to the side, tongue already out in anticipation of taking Jake's dick into your mouth. But the second before you can get a taste, though, he backs away a step, leaving you open-mouthed and whining.

"Look at that," He chuckles, reaching with his free hand to grip your jaw, thumbs hollowing out your cheeks, "So desperate. You opened right up for me, baby."

"Mhm," You struggle to speak through the grip Jake has on your cheeks, "Yeah. Want your- your cock, Jake."

"Filthy," He scoffs, releasing your face to land yet another smack against your ass. You let out a broken whine through pursed lips, but you feel the head of Jake's cock bump them, and you're opening your mouth eagerly once more.

"Take it," He scoffs, "You want it so damn bad. There," He jerks his hips forward, jamming his dick so far into your mouth that it's nearly down your throat, "That good enough for you, baby? That what'cha wanted?"

"Mhm," You nod vigorously, mouth subsequently sliding up and down the shaft of his cock. "Thank you," You pant around his length, words mumbled and drooly, "Thank you, Jake."

"Good manners," He praises you with a cocky glance towards the camera, "Showing off for the audience?"

You give your hips a wiggle for the camera, and your ass jiggles with the movement. Jake groans, fisting a hand in your hair once more, "Come on baby, don't tease."

He tugs you further onto his cock with the hand he's tangled in your hair, and your throat constricts without warning, an involuntary gag. You choke, spluttering and coughing as he barely lets up, hand not only pulling your head forwards but pushing it down, too, fully taking your mouth with his hard length.

You run your tongue against the underside of his cock and curl it up around the tip. It's difficult to do with how deep he's buried inside your mouth, but you rear back against his hold and take a gulp of fresh air with the motion of your tongue. When your wet muscle flicks through his slit he hisses, hand nearly ripping your hair out.

"God," He gasps, this time using his grip on your hair to pull you off of his cock, grunting and groaning as you chase after him with your mouth, "Ease up, darlin'. Easy, I- I've gotta get inside you."

The only way you'll let him take his cock out of your mouth if is he puts it inside of you. You go limp, knees already tired and arms even worse. But nothing deters you from the excitement of being fucked from behind by Jake.

When you feel his large, rough fingers tug at the strap of your panties, you expect them to ghost over your ass. But they plunge for your cunt instead, prodding at the end of your slit.

"Ah!' You seize up, stiff as you try getting a glimpse of him, "Jake, I-"

"I don't have the patience to work you open," Jake apologizes, thumbing gently over your tight asshole, "Your cunt's already wet, darlin', just- god," His fingers hit a gush of slick and slip easily into your pussy, "I need to be inside you now."

"Okay," You nod, panting as Jake's fingers nudge roughly at your clit, "Oh, god, Jake, just- fuck me!"

"Don't make me spank you again," He grumbles, one hand guiding his dick towards the end of your slick slit, "I am, brat."

"Yeah?" You wriggle your hips, egging him on, "Can't feel you yet. Maybe you don't have as big of a dick as I thought, cowboy."

Jake chooses to show, not tell. In a quick second, his cock is rammed so far into your cunt, you see stars. Your only warning had been the soft stretch of his thick fingers, but this, this is rough, aggressive, demanding.

"Feel it now?" Jake spits, leaning over your back to sneer against your ear, "'S rippin' your pretty little cunt open, darlin'. Still think it ain't that big?"

"Use it," You grunt, gritting your teeth so that you don't moan. You don't want him to have the satisfaction of getting to you, "Move. Fuck. Me."

You're not the only one good at following orders. Maybe it's the navy training in him, but he's obedient, but he rears his hips back, his thick cock dragging deliciously along the walls of your wet, hot cunt.

He sets a merciless pace, jackhammering his hips into your own hard enough to split right through your cunt and jam his dick up through your throat. His balls slap against your thighs, and the speed at which he rams into you shakes the bed, his headboard slamming repeatedly against the wall.

"There," He grits, breath hot against your shoulder "You happy? You're pretty demanding for a bitch on her hands and knees."

"Harder," You beg, finally letting a strangled moan slip through your lips, "Harder, Jake, I need more!"

"Gonna fuck you through the wall if I go harder," Jake scoffs, nipping at your earlobe. He reaches up to pinch your clit between two rough fingers, twisting and teasing the oversensitive bud, "What about that, baby? That better?"

"Ah! Yes," You gush, drilling your hips backwards as Jake's pinch turns to circles over your clit, "More, Jake, I need- I need more!"

"More," He mimics you, bumping his lips into the side of your temple so that you turn and raise your head to try and meet him. It's killer on your neck, but it's the only way you can mouth desperately at his lips.

"So damn greedy. Is that what you were moanin' into that shirt of mine, darlin'? Beggin' for more, for the real thing?"

"Yes," You pant, lips pressing desperately to his own, over and over again from that awkward sideways angle you're barely able to reach, "Yes, Jake, I- I need you!"

"Tell them," Jake urges, parting from the sloppy side kiss he'd attempted and grabbing your face in his free hand. One is still circling your clit, but that means that his weight is on you, and you're barely able to hold yourself up with him on top. He yanks your head to the side, putting your drool-covered chin and fucked-out face on display. He's wearing a cocky smirk. but you can't see it, and only when your face is in position does he plant his hand back on the mattress and take his weight back.

"I need you, Jake," You moan, pathetic and desperate to the camera. You feel Jake's dick twitch inside of you, and his fingers circle faster at your clit. It sends a surge of arousal so powerful rolling under your belly that you nearly cum right then and there, but it fizzles out to wait for another wave.

"Ah! I need you," You repeat, babbling with a half-open mouth now, "I need you, I need you, I need you so bad, Jake!"

"Agh," He grunts, teeth biting and nipping at your bare shoulder as his hips jerk forwards even faster, a near-impossible pace, "Yeah? Yeah, oh fuck, scream for me, baby, come on."

His cock is rock hard, leaking, twitching, and slamming into your most sensitive spot. You let a steady flow of whimpers and moans fall from your lips, but as Jake's dick pistons harder in and out of you, they turn to screams.

Jake's cum floods your cunt. There's no other word for it than flood, it gushes from his tip and gets slammed into your cunt, having nowhere to go but out. You feel it ooze around his shaft, and it's sticky and hot against the walls of your cunt as he chases his high. He does fuck like a rabbit, hard and fast, and the feeling of him milking his dick in your pussy sends you over the edge with another rolling surge of pleasure.

"Ah!" Your mouth hangs open, eyes squeezed shut and thighs trembling with both the force of your orgasm and the effort of holding yourself up. Your climax makes your cunt spasm, and Jake feels the way your cunt squeezes his cock, clenching relentlessly and sporadically as you get fucked through your own high.

"Oh," He pants against your back, lips pressing to your dewy skin, "Oh- Oh my god,"

"Fuck," You hiss, finally slumping forwards where you'd been arching your hips backwards to get more of Jake's length in your cunt, "Oh, fuck! Jake," You breathe, "I- God, that was good."

"Mhm," He hums, dick still nestled snugly inside your cum-filled cunt as he takes a moment to breathe. His hand falls from your clit, and his forehead presses to your back before he breathes, straightening up and alleviating the pressure of his weight against you.

You have no problem collapsing your elbows and letting yourself slump to Jake's mattress. You're drained, and you can barely remember to keep your face turned towards the camera as Jake pulls out of your cunt. Once he's out, you let your knees straighten, your hips falling to the sheets below.

"Jesus," Jake huffs, thumbing at the puffy lips of your cunt and smearing some of his cum against your ass, "I made a real mess of you, darlin'."

"S'okay," You grunt, too spent to care about any clean-up, "Just- turn off the camera and come lay with me."

You do hear the click of the camera, and a few stray keyboard strokes. But your eyes drift shut, and they only reopen when you feel something warm and wet against your cunt.

You almost wish it was Jake's tongue, but it's not. You're too tired for that now, you think, but it's a suggestion for a later date.

It's a washcloth, and you must have been too hazy to hear the sink water running from the bathroom. Jake cleans up your puffy, stiff entrance, placating you with a warm hand on your thigh when you squirm and hiss at the sensitivity.

"I know," He croons, wiping away the last smear of his cum against your ass, "I know, darlin'. It's over now, you can sleep."

"No," You whine, reaching blindly for him, "You too, cowboy."

"Alright," He chuckles, soft and tired, "C'mere."

He tugs you to one side of his bed, and crawls over you to the other. He gathers you in his arms and you let him, limbs going limp as he tucks you against his chest.

"We made a ton of money," He informs you, lips dotting against the tip of your nose. He rubs his large hands over your back, a soothing gesture that helps you slip further towards sleep, "Come back any time, baby. Camera or no camera."

feedback is greatly appreciated! comment, reblog, talk in the tags, send me a message, tell me what you think!

#jake seresin #jake seresin x reader #jake seresin imagine #jake seresin fanfiction #jake seresin x you #hangman #hangman x reader #hangman x you #hangman fanfiction #hangman imagine #jake hangman seresin #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake hangman seresin imagine #jake hangman seresin fanfiction #jake hangman seresin x you #top gun x reader #top gun maverick x reader #jake seresin smut #jake hangman seresin smut #hangman smut #camboy!jake

[cannedpickledpeaches]

Insert Your Name (11)

Mafia!Jade Leech x Mafia!Reader

Link to part one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, twelve!

Notes and TW: Congratulations! You have successfully made it all about you (positive). This series will have mentions of blood, violence, crime (kidnapping, attempted assassination, extortion), and harassment, as one might expect from a mafia AU. Please enjoy!

Sorry that the tags haven't been working for the past couple of posts! I had to go in and edit the html for each individual one T-T please forgive me

Tags: @guava-enjoyer @itszzmoon @twstsandturns @myteacupisempty @rou-luxe @chikitasmol @night-shadowblood-writes2 @haveneulalie @owodi

A strange sense of satisfaction fills you as surprise fills the man’s face, but you don’t show it. You need to see this through. If you’re powerless in the face of his ability, you simply need to borrow his power. So what if he’s akin to a god? All you need to do is bring him to your side. Whoever that author is, whoever took over (Y/N)’s body—maybe they aren’t capable of using such an asset effectively. However, you’re confident you won’t let that advantage go to waste.

The man hums in thought. “I suppose it could be done without much fanfare. I would simply need to shift my attention to your experiences and abandon the current story. However, you would need to have your story recorded somewhere, in whatever form you may wish for it to take.”

You understand what he’s getting at. A story needs a medium, just like that manuscript. There are many options: on film, as a novel, as a collage of pictures. No strict rules exist for expression of self.

“I’ll keep a journal. Every day, I’ll write an entry, and I’ll also use it as a planner. This way, my ‘story’ will have the events that occurred in my life, how they affected my ‘character development,’ and also outline how I expect the story to ‘progress.’ Is that good enough?”

You still don’t think of yourself as a fictional character. You’re real, in every aspect, to yourself. But that doesn’t matter right now. Functionally, you’re a character to this man. You’ll use that assumption to put yourself in the most advantageous position.

“Yes, that would be a rather interesting way to tell your story. There are indeed many stories that were written in the form of diary entries, so this is not an issue at all. This would, in fact, make things easier for me. I would not have to go through the paperwork and expend energy to bring someone from another world since you already exist in Twisted Wonderland as an established character. There is just one thing you should know before you make this decision.”

“Tell me.” Of course there are strings attached. There always are. You prepare yourself. Self-sacrifice in small amounts is necessary, of course, but if there’s anything you can negotiate with . . . .

“I will have to take the previous author’s soul out of (Y/N)’s body. (Y/N)’s soul will regain control of her own body, since it was never removed, only dormant. Since the author’s original body cannot function without a soul, she cannot return to her world. It will disappear, never to be recovered, lost to the fabric of what forms this space. Are you still willing to proceed?”

“Is that it?” You expected something else. This has nothing to do with you giving up anything. In fact, it could even be considered a bonus. This woman whose story made your life and relationships exceedingly difficult will disappear down to the traces of her soul. It’s an easy decision. “Of course.”

“How cold-hearted you are.” He chuckles down at his teacup. It never seems to drain empty no matter how he sips it. “That is not an undesirable quality in protagonists, although they often do not have a happy ending in fairytales.”

“Is that supposed to deter me or something?” You stay resolute. “My future was always uncertain no matter if it’s a story or not. I’m in the mafia. I’ve come to terms that horrible things could happen at any moment because of the nature of my job a long, long time ago. It’s my responsibility to plan so that I reduce those chances as much as possible. And you’re going to help me.”

“Yes, I am.” He glances at the fireplace, which has burned down to glowing red embers. “Perhaps you should count yourself lucky that you are under my jurisdiction. I am partial to tragic endings, but I also do not mind if an amoral character triumphs in the end. Some of my peers would adamantly ensure it does not happen.”

You furrow your brows. This is not the first time he brought up something being under his “jurisdiction.” However, this is the first time he’s mentioned “peers” instead of “characters.”

“There are others like you?”

“Yes, of course. Twisted Wonderland is filled with too many stories for me to manage on my own. Since you are mainly involved with the Leech Mafia and stories of the Coral Sea, you fall under my jurisdiction.”

It makes sense. This man compared himself to a god, but he isn’t one. He isn’t omnipotent or omniscient.

“Who are they?”

He tilts his head. “You would not know us even if I told you.”

“I’m curious. Tell me anyway.”

“Such a curious character.” He glances at the embers again. “Alright, I see no harm in it. My peers overseeing Twisted Wonderland include Walt Disney, the Brothers Grimm, Hanna Diyab, Victor Hugo, and Lewis Carroll, among others.”

None of these names ring a bell. It is just a list of names, but having more information is never a bad thing.

“And your name? I should know how to address you.”

“Oh, I have not yet introduced myself to you? My apologies, I must be turning forgetful in my old age.” He laughs at himself in a good-natured manner. “My name is Hans Christian Anderson. It is a pleasure to meet you.”

You introduce yourself as well. He extends a hand to you. When your hands connect in a firm handshake, the new deal you’ve made feels solidified.

Anderson looks at the fireplace one more time. The light has died completely, the little room lit only by the moonlight pouring in the window. With a gentle but decisive clap of his hands, he stands from his armchair.

“That was a fruitful discussion, and I thank you for your patience and understanding. I fear time has run out, however, and so I will be sending you back shortly. I’ll place you right back where you came from: at the moment when I brought you here.”

“Hold on!” Too soon, too sudden. You still have so much to say. He holds up a hand, stopping your protests.

“If you’d like to communicate with me, simply write a request for it in your new journal. I wish you best of luck.”

And with that, the world goes white again.

This is the story of a girl whose name is no longer hers. A girl so common that she may as well be a faceless background character in another person’s story. A girl who wishes, more than anything, to be the protagonist of a love story that will sweep her off her feet and solve all her problems.

Her family is normal. Her friends, too. And so is she. It isn’t enough for her. The world inside that game she plays is so magical, so whimsical, so perfect. The characters are handsome, powerful, clever, funny, or rich, or some combination of those qualities. If she enters this world, surely all those wonderful characters would treat her as someone special. They’d love and revere her unconditionally. She pines for a man who would love her and her shortcomings in their entirety, no matter what she does.

The beauty about fictional characters is that because they are fictional, they can be whatever she wants them to be. She can wholeheartedly believe they’ll love her, and there is nothing wrong with that. But she isn’t satisfied with that alone. It needs to be real.

Desperately, she writes a story revolving around a faceless, flawless main character who she desperately wishes she could be. Everyday, the writing consumes her, dragging her into a fantasy of bliss. She begins to resent her reality. Nobody in real life will love her the correct way. Nobody can be as good as the characters she pours her love and headcanons on. She doesn’t consider how love can be gradual, nor does realize someone might have to get to know her before loving her. After all, in her fanfiction, the perfect mafioso loves her main character upon the first meeting and devotes himself with no questions asked. Isn’t that the ideal love?

One day, a miracle occurs. She meets a man who offers to make her story into her reality. Jumping on the chance to live her perfectly crafted life of happiness, she agrees. Finally. Finally, she will be loved the way she wants.

At first, everything went perfectly. Real life follows her fanfiction to the letter. Jade is charming, Floyd is endearing, and a string of coincidences leads her to meet Vil, another handsome bachelor. Love surrounds her at every turn. All she needs in this life are the handsome men who give her special treatment. After all, this body, this life—(Y/N)—was created by her, for her use. All of the previous relationships this body entertained no longer matter. They aren’t hers, anyway.

The polaroids that occupied her nightstand are probably in a landfill somewhere. The aesthetic was cute, befitting the tastes of a character she modelled after herself, but the person in them is irrelevant. Some side character she’s never going to see again. No matter; she’ll eventually replace those polaroids with cute photos of herself and her new love. (Y/N)—no, the placeholder—has served its purpose. It will not miss those useless decorations since it will never again have its own consciousness.

So where did it all go wrong? Perhaps it was wrong from the start. She should have cursed that old man for scamming her. Her happy ending was never a guarantee. How dare a throwaway side character upend her perfect, fairy tale ending? Is that even allowed? They’re all just characters anyway. How can they steal from a real person?

Until the very end, she couldn’t see anyone around her as anything other than characters in a story. Maybe if she did, she might have gotten the love she wanted. Now, she disappears, having never achieved the goal she so desperately grasped at. Like seafoam, her hopes and yearning for love bubbles and disappears.

Hans Christian Anderson places a book into an empty spot on one of his many shelves. He has always been fond of tragedies. As for this new story that’s unfolding . . . who’s to say how it will end? He’s a patient man. With a smile, he settles into an armchair and sips from a cup of tea. He’s looking forward to it. When it eventually ends, like all stories inevitably do, he’ll shelve it and find another story to bring to life.

The world suddenly flashes into focus. The sun’s dying embers flicker on the sea. Sand shifts between your toes. Fingers graze your neck. Before you can activate your Signature Spell, (Y/N) crashes into you and you both topple over into a bed of sand. Bloodlust raises the hairs on the back of your neck. But it isn’t coming from (Y/N). Instead, you instinctively wrap one arm around her and hold the other one out in front of you, shielding her from Jade.

“Wait, wait! Jade, it’s fine. I’m okay.”

He freezes. One of his hands stops a centimeter away from (Y/N)’s hair. She doesn’t react. Slowly, you lay back down, heaving a sigh. You shift her face to the side so that she doesn’t suffocate in your shoulder. Her eyelashes flutter against her cheekbones, complementing the slow rise and fall of her ribs.

“See? She’s asleep.”

Jade furrows his brows. “I fail to understand. Most importantly, are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yeah.” You chuckle, staring up at the stars that unveil themselves in the darkening sky. “I’m just a little tired.”

You explain everything to him. He seems skeptical, but eventually, he accepts it. He sits in the sand next to you, his hand covering yours. You pretend not to notice, but it offers a soothing calm to your exhausted mind.

“I’m sorry,” you say, glancing at his side profile. “Even if I write that Vil Schoenheit will cure your parents, it might not happen because of continuity issues. Maybe (Y/N) will still be able to convince him.”

“That’s alright.” He catches your gaze. “It would make the story progress more smoothly if we continue with our talks with Walrus.”

He accepted it so quickly. For that matter, so did you. You wonder briefly if there is something at play that makes you accept the reality of your situation as fact—if it’s because you’re a character after all—but that’s all speculation. Not worth your time and energy to figure out.

“Bottom line is, this is my story now. So I’ll make sure the curse on your parents is dispelled.”

“How reliable.” Jade gives you a gentle smile, one that causes an unfamiliar stirring in your chest. “Thank you. What would you like in recompense?”

You weren’t expecting him to offer anything at all. But since he offered, you aren’t one to refuse.

“Money.”

His quiet laughter blends in with the sound of rushing waves.

“No hesitation at all, I see. Of course, I will pay you adequately for your invaluable help.”

“I also want something else.” You fiddle with the strands of (Y/N)’s hair. “I’d like a vacation. Just a week or two after everything settles down so I can go back to my hometown with my mom.”

“Is that what the money is for?”

“Yeah.” Your heart feels a little lighter. “You should visit the Coral Sea after your parents wake up as well. I’m sure you’ll want to spend time with them.”

A pause. You scrutinize Jade’s expression in the low light, but his expression is wholly unfamiliar to you. He almost looks . . . nervous.

“Would you come with us?”

You blink. “Don’t you want to spend time with just your family?”

“Yes, but my parents would be delighted to have you over again. You have not been to our home under the sea in a long time, and I would be more than happy to show you around again.”

“It won’t be a bother?”

“Far from it.” His thumb rubs softly against the back of your hand. “I . . . We are very fond of you.”

You can’t help but think there’s an ulterior motive, but you accept. This wouldn’t be the first time you’ve travelled to their home under the sea, and this most likely won’t be the last.

Suddenly, (Y/N) shifts on your chest. A soft noise escapes her lips as though she’s finally awakened from a long nap. Her bleary eyes find yours. Kind, lovely, and gentle eyes. The eyes of the (Y/N) you know and love, the eyes of your friend.

“Huh? Are we on the beach? What happened?”

A relieved laugh bubbles out of your throat and you hug her tightly. Confused but sweet, she reciprocates with reassuring pats to your arm.

“Yeah, we’re on the beach. Let’s get you home.” You sit up and smile as she fusses over the sand in your hair. Normalcy is slowly but surely returning. “I’ll tell you everything on the way there.”

#twisted wonderland #disney twst #jade leech #twst x reader #twst jade #twst fanfic #jade leech x reader #mafia au #multi chap fic #slow burn

[midgardian-witch]

mirror with steven😭😭

I am so sorry for taking so long to respond to this, anon. I do hope you'll enjoy this even though you sent in this request a while ago. (This drabble did turn out slightly longer than my usual ones. I just got really inspired by that prompt apparently)

Mirror, Mirror

tags: established relationship | self-image issues | innuendo | sub!Steven and Dom!Reader if you squint | gn!reader

ships: Steven Grant/Reader

AO3

Edit: added AO3 link

[MIRROR] Person A puts Person B in-front of a mirror and points out each part they love about Person B. 

I wish you could see yourself the way I do - you've heard that sentence many times, in rom coms, in song lyrics. It's a bit sappy to be fair. It's certainly not a sentence you'd ever thought you would ever use in your life. And yet it does feel rather fitting right now.

Here you are, watching your boyfriend get dressed for your date. You’re almost salivating at how adorable and cute and fucking hot he looks. At the same time you can hear Steven muttering to himself, how he doesn't look good, how he 'looks like a knob', getting more and more frustrated with himself. 

Steven is the type of person that just doesn’t see himself the way others do. And it perplexes you time and time again. How can he not realize how gorgeous he is?

Swiftly you push yourself off of the chair you’re sitting on and make your way over to Steven. You don’t let his muttering perturb you as you lay your hands on his strong shoulders and look over them into the mirror in front of him. He startles for a moment before he realizes it’s you and his lips that a moment before were turned into a displeased frown curl into a soft, besotted smile at the sight of you.

“Heya, love. Just give me a moment, I’ll be ready as soon as I get this done,” he says, lifting the half-done tie up a little for emphasis. You hum thoughtfully, your hands kneading his tense shoulders. He leans into your touch intuitively before he gently swats your hands away. “If you distract me then we won’t be on time. I know I am not much to show off but I want to at least try,” he mutters and then tries to play things off with a laugh. His smile is strained and it almost breaks your heart.

You shake your head, unbelieving. What happened that he would even think that about himself? You wrap your arms around his torso, pulling him back towards you. “You’re wrong. And this won’t do,” you say as your hands take hold of his tie and undo what progress Steven had made thus far. He opens his mouth ready to either complain or ask what you are doing but you don’t let him get far enough to know for sure. “No. It’s my turn to talk now, baby,” you tell him in a stern voice you usually reserve for more intimate scenarios. Steven clears his throat and you can see his cheeks start to flush at your tone of voice. With a pleased smile on your face you continue to unravel the tie and then continue by opening up the first few buttons on the crisp white shirt he had put on for tonight. 

“You know you look amazing, right?”

Steven waves you off. “Of course you say that. You’re biased, love. I will admit I don’t know why you went for this,” he gestures towards his own body before continuing “But I am happy for it. Doesn’t mean you have to lie for my sake.”

You can see Steven struggling not to comment on your actions, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion by what to him must seem like you undoing all the work he has put into, well, looking put together for you.

You enjoy the sight for a moment: your loving boyfriend in your arms, cheeks flushed and shirt undone. With all your willpower you drag your thoughts away from how much prettier he would look if you tussled him up a bit further and instead focus on your initial, if not at all well-thought out plan: Show Steven that he is indeed a very attractive man. 

“So this is how this is going to go. I will talk and I don’t want to hear another bad word about yourself.”

Steven swallows hard and nods hesitantly, his eyes focused on your reflection in the mirror. You grin, your hands gliding teasingly over his (for now) clothed torso before you wrap your arms fully around him and pull him into your embrace once again. 

“Let’s start with your face,” you begin. You’re describing your favorite parts of his pretty face: how his eyes have this beautiful deep brown color that you just want to look into forever, how his nose scrunches up so adorably when he dislikes something, how his full eyebrows remind you of a muppet and you think that’s cute. At that last comment he gives you the aforementioned nose scrunch of displeasure but doesn’t say anything in protest. You continue talking about every small detail that you like about his face: the shape of his strong nose, his very kissable lips, the way he blushes so beautifully, his jawline that is cut like a greek statue and even his ears. With every new part you mention you can see his cheeks flush even brighter.

Your hands travel over his torso up towards his shoulders. You make a show of looking thoughtful for a moment before kissing his cheek. Steven turns his face towards you, his teeth worrying his bottom lip, just begging to be kissed. You smile at him and lean forward, capturing his full lips in a kiss. Meanwhile your hands make quick work of his shirt, opening his buttons with skilled fingers and finally pulling it half way off of his shoulders. As you pull back from the kiss Steven lets out a confused whine. It takes him a moment before he realizes that you have slowly undressed him while you had him distracted with that kiss.

At the confused look on his face you give him a small laugh. “Oh baby, we are not done yet,” you say teasingly, “There is so much more of you that I love besides your face.”

You continue talking about the different parts of Steven’s body that you adore: his strong shoulders, his arms that feel perfect around you when he hugs you, his hands that just fit perfectly in yours, his chest which is the ideal pillow to fall asleep on, his nipples that are so responsive to your touch. Steven gasps, holding back a moan, as you tease his nipples gently for emphasis. You decide to have some mercy on him at least and drop your hands from his chest towards his stomach. “I love that you’re still soft here even with your muscles. Makes cuddling so much better,” you admit before your hands travel down even further.

Steven keens as your fingers glide over the slowly growing bulge in his pants. You lean in closer towards him, your lips all but brushing the shell of his ear. “I love this too, but I think you know that, don’t you, baby?” you whisper as you cup his clothed cock in your hand. “You have such a pretty cock. It’s the perfect size. And you make me feel so good with it too.”

Steven moans, unable to hold back anymore, as his hips start to move without his permission. You see that the flush of his cheeks has long since traveled down further and you are sure that if you were to take off his pants you'd see his cock flushed just the same. He whimpers in protest as you let go of his erection and instead grab his very shapely ass with both hands. “Oh and this too. Your ass is fantastic, baby. Nice and round, soft yet firm. Not to mention all the fun things we can do with it too.”

As you look back into the mirror you can see in his reflection that Steven is ready to just bend over and let you have him. Gone is the look of utter defeat and displeasure with himself. Instead before you stands a gorgeous mess of a man, skin flushed, cock pressing painfully against his pants and eyes so full of adoration, love and lust that it takes your breath away.

“Do you see it? Do you see how beautiful you are?”

Steven squirms against you, mouth opening and closing uselessly before he nods. “Y-Yes, love.”

Slowly your hands find their way to the front of his pants again. “I don’t want to go out for our date anymore. How about we stay in tonight?” you offer with a grin as you pop the bottom of his dress pants. Steven nods frantically. As you take off his pants and underwear with one swift motion you take a moment to admire the beauty that is your boyfriend before you eagerly drag him away from the mirror towards your bedroom.

#steven grant/reader #steven grant #steven grant x reader #moon knight x reader #moon knight #moon knight/reader #moon knight fanfic #moon knight fanfiction #fran-writes

[spotsandsocks]

Fuck it Friday

Another throw back for Fuck it Friday tagged by the wonderfully lovely @disasterbuckdiaz @wikiangela cover art for this fic from the talented @ronordmann

Tagging the creative and marvellous talents of @monsterrae1 @hippolotamus @honestlydarkprincess @loserdiaz @cowboy-buddie @mysteriouslyyounggalaxy @elvensorceress @thewolvesof1998 @the-likesofus @like-the-rest-of-la @rogerzsteven @bekkachaos @jobairdxx @thekristen999 @stagefoureddiediaz @heartshapedvows @fiona-fififi @giddyupbuck @alyxmastershipper @spaceprincessem @canonicallyobserving911 @wildlife4life @princessfbi @housewifebuck @shortsighted-owl @buddierights @megsvstheworld if there is any art fics or edits to share

Like Lovers Do

Chim shrugs an apology as he makes a quick exit from the table and the situation he just created with a casual comment. Buck consoles himself with the fact that at least he looks a little sorry this time, not like the last time he dropped Buck in it over this particular mistake. 

The atmosphere around the table had taken a sharp left turn into awkward when Chimney had  jokingly referenced Buck’s brief and unfortunate liaison with the blonde currently laughing with Hen on the other side of the room. 

Buck silently curses as Eddie stares him down from the opposite side of the table.

Chim’s long gone, he abandoned the situation the second he realised Eddie hadn’t known about the kiss, so now Buck’s all alone with his best friend; usually he likes being alone with Eddie but this is definitely not his idea of a good time. 

Eddie’s looking at him with his lips pursed and eyebrows raised. It’s obvious he has questions about this new piece of information. Buck squirms under the scrutiny. He’d rather be anywhere else right now. 

In a cool voice the questioning starts; “You kissed Lucy? You never told me that.”

That’s true he hadn’t told him. Buck had kind of been hoping Eddie would never have to find out because he’s not proud of that particular moment. 

It was a mistake, such a huge mistake, one he preferred not to think about. He’d never cheated before, had always hated the concept and he knows he never would again. Buck had spent weeks trying to work out why he’d let it happen, why he’d kissed back, then kissed again. Even now he hates thinking about it although at least now he understands the why a bit more than he had then. 

Being back in therapy will do that. Over the last year, longer really  things had gotten pretty mixed up and dark in his head.  He’d hardly noticed the spiral downwards, it had been so slow and steady, it had just become normal for him to feel that way. He hadn’t noticed but Eddie had. 

He’d laugh if it was funny; as Eddie had worked through his issues and found his balance Buck had lost his, but Eddie had seen him, noticed what was happening and been there to steady him when he tripped and stumbled.

When things got really bad, the cumulative effects of so many parts of his life, Eddie had gently suggested Buck start talking to a therapist again. Eddie’s apparently a big fan of therapy these days. 

So he had and now he’s spent a fair number of hours talking about all the things that pull at his heart and twist his thoughts and some of those things definitely contributed to the moment that Eddie’s only just found out about. 

His best friend knows a lot about him but he doesn't know everything, god no, not everything. The kiss is only one of the things he’s been keeping to himself. 

Eddie’s still waiting for details and he doesn’t look very impressed with the delay. Unable to see an escape Buck plunges in with the truth.

“It, it was just a stupid thing I did.”

Eddie doesn’t say anything, Buck knows what he’s doing and falls for it anyway, he fills the gap with more words, desperate to avoid the silence.

“I was just embarrassed to tell you, you know, because of all the stupid. It wasn’t like I was deliberately not, not telling you.”

It totally was.

“it just didn’t come up.” 

Eddie frowns “Why’d you do it?”

That’s a big question and the answer is more complicated than he wants to get into with the man opposite him. He goes with half an answer, half the truth, the parts that can safely be shared.

Avoiding Eddie’s eyes he explains the best he can “I was unhappy with Taylor.” 

He doesn’t add the rest - because I wasn’t in love with her, I was just clinging to an illusion. Taylor had been another mistake he made. He knows more about that choice as well now.

“and I was drunk” 

Eddie pulls a face, eyebrows shooting up even higher.

“Neither one is an excuse” he adds quickly “I know that.”

“When?”

He fudges that with “a while ago,” and a quieter,  “when you were at dispatch”.

That’s all he’s going to say because the rest of the answer he needs to keep to himself. Eddie can’t know about all of it. They can’t talk about that. 

Weeks of therapy have let Buck see what else played a part in his monumentally stupid decision that evening and he can hardly tell Eddie what he’s worked out. 

No - he can’t imagine a universe where he drops that particular bombshell on his friend.  As if he could just sit down next to Eddie and casually say, ‘hey, did you know I kissed Lucy once and guess what… I’ve worked out that I did it because I was miserable with Taylor and without you. I did it because you told me to move on and didn’t show up that night, because you left me behind and I didn’t know what to do with that feeling.

And the real kicker; his biggest secret, the root of the problem, the thing that they don’t (can’t?) talk about, the thing that laid the first stone in the path to his poor choices.

Well, how is he supposed to explain that, can he say ‘oh yeah and one more thing; you got shot in front of me and it changed me. I had your blood on my face, on my lips and I can still taste it. 

continue on AO3

#buddie #911 fox #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie fic #911 on fox #911fic #911 fic

[hells-ringleader]

💀RULES OF HELL 💀

✨️this blog is 18+ only cuz this fandom here is for adults only

🍎 NO godmodding! Respect each other's characters!

🌟I don't like mpreg, pedo shit, or anything proship so like gross illegal crap. Those would be my no nos

😇 respect my hcs as well NO MATTER WHAT

🎩don't be rude! Haters in my inbox are not welcome. If you are here to cause trouble. Leave now.

🐍do not dm mun UNLESS WE ARE GOOD GOOD MUTUALS I will not respond to random dms

🎉can't believe I must say this but, COMMUNICATION IS KEY. TELL ME IF A RP ISNT WORKING OUT BEFORE YOU JUST DROP IT. TELL ME IF YOU HATE ME AND I WONT FOLLOW OR INTERACT W YOU. SAME GOES FOR IF YOU DONT PLAN ON REPLYING TO ANYTHING I SEND YOU. TELL ME. I WILL STOP. I WILL GET IT AND NOT GET MY HOPES UP FOR NOTHING. DONT BE A JERK. TALK.

🎻please do me a favor and if you drop a rp let me know ahead of time. It hurts to just see people abandon rps I'm in with them. It makes me feel as if they hate me. It hurts. Please tell me in dms why you are doing it and do not just drop them without warning. I like to know what I did wrong so I can fix it for future threads. Always wanting to improve my skills as a rper.

🦆respect lgbtq here cuz mun is bi and ace and genderfluid any people against it leave now.

🎪I rp from these blogs out of enjoyment and as a extra hobby, I do have times when I'm not online cuz I do got a life so. I'm sorry if it's takes long to reply sometimes! I do my best! All I ask is you be patient with me! I do this for fun . Not as a career. I do not get paid.

👑also its sometimes hard to tell who's willing to reply back if I send something and who will just ignore me. Which. It happens a lot and. Upsets me. A lot . Makes me feel like shit. Don't make me feel that way maybe interact more w me and I'll be like oh this person likes my muse ill interact more..I'm just cautious..yknow?

🔥also.. I try to read rules cuz I get unsure if people are even ok w my subject matter at times it gets dark and gory. It's why I prefer 18+ peeps.

🎶and no you may not follow me if you just reblog my rp memes and fanart I post. You need to interact if you follow me okay. No one likes people like that. Don't I know it.

😈if you have a issue with me simply block me I will not take any more drama in my bubble

👼 I'm ace so I may feel uncomfortable with too adult of romance rps (must I say it) so romance is ok but boundaries are important. Edit: I'm better w romance and sexual ones even. But I just may not be good at it.

⭐️I will tag triggers but you must tell me which ones

❤️I don't like pe*os, proshi*pers (the ones who are pushy about it), or people who hurt animals . Please leave if you are any of the sort .

🐑just to make it clear I dont do rps in dms . I rp in threads, asks or posts. Ask around if you do not know what that means.

🦄I follow back from my main. You do not have to follow my main back but I would like it if you followed this blog at least back

🦚please read about my character on wiki if you wish to know them. I will not be going into detail about every one but I will post headcanons sometimes

🌹 Rp meme tag: rp memes: hellish memes (look this tag up to see my list of rp memes and use one! You can even use anon! Send one in go for it! Also these rp memes NEVER expire just make sure to specify what meme you were using)

🍷events will be tagged accordingly as well

❤️oh and I'm a multishipper so I will ship lilith and ocs even canon characters. Its possible. I'm doing it.

🎡most rps won't be canon to the blog. Those that are will be tagged accordingly. Events that are canon are usually interactions w other blogs, magic anons, and any comments I make to other canon characters. Non story tag will be #non story: another story written.

-mun Steph 🎠

Events: coming soon

Like for a starter:

#ooc: out of stars #rules: rules of the rabbits

[1moreff-creator]

(03) David Chiem - First Trial (DRDT - Milgram AU)

IMPORTANT: This had to be reposted due to technical issues (it wasn't showing up on tags). There were two votes on the original before I privated it to avoid confusion. Please check you've voted if this disclaimer wasn't there when you first saw the post.

Another entry in this crossover AU! This time David, with his VD Nebula, and his MV Star in the Night! Wait. David… MV? David MV? Oh God no not again I don’t wanna go back no-! (/joke) 

Thumbnail:

So for the content warnings, you know what, I’ll just make an universal list of all the content warnings I think the AU will need, hopefully I don’t miss anything. So, here are the universal CWs! Not all of them apply to David, but I do this to prevent sorta spoiling things in the CWs. In no particular order:

Universal CWs: Violent murder, suicide, self-harm, stabbing, strangling, poisoning, gun violence, fire, child abuse, animal death, bullying, road accidents, betrayals, transphobia, mass death, conspiracy to harm.

By the way, important note: when I originally made the Undercover post, I fucked up with his kill-shot. The victim was supposed to have one shoe off, and I forgot to mention it, oops. I’ve edited it, but  just in case you hadn’t seen the edit, keep that in mind. 

Voice Drama: Nebula

(Why is David so hard to write send help. Hope he's not too ooc)

*Footsteps*

Es: Hi!

David: Hello there! My name is David Chiem. A pleasure!

E: And I’m Es! Nice to meet you, David!

D: I hope you don’t mind me asking, but you are the Warden of Milgram, right?

E: That’s right! Why do you ask?

D: Well, I wanted to know if I could bring certain… issues, to your attention. After all, you are an authority figure here, from what I understand.

E: Oh! Of course! Is there something wrong? Are any of the other prisoners causing you trouble?

D: Oh, no! Nothing like that. It’s just, well. See, you’ve claimed every person here is a murderer, right? 

E: That’s right, yeah.

D: Well, it seems there’s been a mistake. But don’t worry! I won’t hold it against you!

E: A mistake? What do you mean?

D: Well, how do I put this? I… have been wrongly imprisoned, you see. I’ve never… killed anyone.

E: Huh, really? You know, it’s funny. You’re not the first to say that.

D: Oh? Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were other innocent people here. But it’s fine! Mistakes can be corrected. It’s not difficult to change, if you’re willing to!

E: … Is that so? You know… you seem pretty calm about all this.

D: Hm, I guess you could say that. But it’s just who I am. See, I try to be as positive as I can, since I know there's a lot of people that don't get the privilege. 

E: Really now? And you don’t think a situation like this merits being at least a little bit worried?

D: Ah, I guess so. I…am worried, deep down. But being negative can only make things worse, right? When it feels like everything else is against you, the least you can do is help yourself. 

E: Hm…

D: A lot of the people here are extremely distressed, understandably so. And I have to think, well, these people might have bigger issues than me, yes? I live a pretty good life, I can look forward to returning to it whenever this all blows over. So it’s my responsibility to keep morale high! 

E: Alright…  And what does your life look like that you are seemingly so content with it?

D: Want to count my blessings, huh? Well, let’s see. Although I’m an only child, I have a good relationship with the rest of my family, and I have good connections with people outside of it as well. I consider myself talented, there are some things I’m quite good at! I am quite wealthy thanks to my work as a professional inspirational speaker, so I don’t have any financial concerns. In fact, one of the other murderers even recognized me!

E: Oh! What a coincidence!

D: Yeah, right? I was surprised too-

E: So why did you call them a murderer? 

D: *Sputter* I’m sorry?

E: You said they were “one of the other murderers.” I thought you said you believed some of the others could have been wrongfully imprisoned? I would imagine someone as positive as you would only want to assume the very best, right? 

D: *Sharp breath*

E: *Slightly smug* Not to mention, “other murderers?” I thought you hadn’t killed anyone, David.

D: Yes, that’s right! I’m- I’m sorry, it was a slip of the tongue. 

E: Is that really it? You seem nervous about something. 

D: *Nervous chuckle* Didn’t you tell me I should feel worried about my situation? But now you’re suddenly concerned with a bit of stress over false accusations. *Fake-sounding chuckle* You’re giving me contradictory information, Warden!

E: *Cheery* Well, at that point you hadn’t revealed you knew you were a murderer! 

D: Huh? What do you mean, know I’m a murderer?

E: Well, sorry! But you are a murderer.

D: … Are you- Are you serious? I make one little mistake, just misspeak once, and you immediately assume the worst?

E: …

D: You know, things like this have happened before. People like to pretend I’ve said things I haven’t said, misinterpret actions and statements… That can hurt people, you know? 

E: …

D: Just jumping to conclusions… all of you are the same. You hear only what you want to hear, and then decide I’m a murderer just because I misspoke-

E: No, that’s wrong.

D: …What?

E: I don’t think you’re a murderer just because of what you said. I just never believed you from the start. Again, sorry!

D: … Excuse me?

E: You are a prisoner in Milgram. That is all the proof I need to know your actions have led to someone’s death. Because of that, when you told me you weren’t a murderer, I knew there were only three options.

D: … Do enlighten me, please.

E: One option is that you are mistaken. Maybe you don’t consider what you did murder, when in the eyes of Milgram, it could be judged as such. The second is that you were lying to yourself, in an attempt to protect yourself from your actions.

D: …

E: The third is that you were lying to me.

D: …

E: That Freudian slip of yours was enough to tell me you do consider yourself a murderer. So you’re not mistaken, and you’re not lying to yourself. Therefore, you must have been lying to me!

D: … I see. 

E: So you admit to it?

D: … Admit to it? Admit to what? Your reasoning only works if you assume this accursed prison can’t get things wrong, which is just delusional. 

E: Perhaps you feel that way. Except, I know you don’t, since you consider the others murderers as well. 

D: Will you just-?! *Deep breath*

E: Listen, David. I’m not mad at you. I understand your murder must have been traumatic-

D: I didn’t- 

E: But lying and hiding it all isn’t going to help you here. I will find out the truth anyways, so being honest is probably your best bet!

D: Being- *Mix between a chuckle and a short wheeze* Do you even know what you’re asking me to do?

E: I don’t think I’m asking too much! Just tell me what you did and-

D: You really don’t understand anything, huh? 

E: … Your eyes…

D: Oh? Are the stars gone? Yeah, they do that.

E: N-Nevermind that. What do you mean I don’t understand anything?

D: … Well. How do I put this? I can’t have you- You shouldn’t be allowed to know everything about my life, right? What gives you the right to invade my privacy? Nothing! 

E: That’s unfortunate for you, then! I will find the truth, whether you like it or not.

D: … *sigh, his voice is filled with poison* You really are arrogant, huh? 

E: … And you aren’t really as positive as you say, right? 

D: …

E: David?

D: Ah! Apologies. It seems I was losing track of myself there. I apologize if I said something hurtful.

E: *Sputter* The stars-

D: In any case, if I may, I’ll once again state. Nothing I've ever done could be considered murder, and I wholeheartedly believe that.

E: But that's a lie.

D: Perhaps. But, you see... If you do find the truth…

E: …

D: Then you might as well just kill me on the spot!

*Machinery whirs*

E: Huh? Wait, what do you mean?

D: Oh, it seems the extraction process starts now, right? That’s unfortunate.

E: Wait, I still have questions! I just need more time!

D: Ha… well, we all want what we can’t have, I guess. 

E: Huh? 

D: Ah! Sorry, maybe that came off a bit depressing. In any case, I want to leave you with one last message, a quote from Shakespeare’s Othello. 

E: What are you-

D: “To mourn a mischief that is past and gone is the next way to draw new mischief on.”

E: Huh?

D: "Holding grudges and focusing on the past will only lead to misfortune." It is better to focus on the future and-!

E: Are you serious?! Stop trying to convince me into not doing my job! It’s not going to work.

MonoTV: Well, it sorta is! Why are you taking so long? We’re on a schedule here. 

D: *Chuckle*

E: Urgh…

E: Prisoner 03, David Chiem, sing your sins!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Trial 1 Cover: Magical Girl and Chocolate by PinnochioP

(Listen I saw the chance to play into the magical girl joke and had to do it)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Music Video: Star in the Night

(By the way, I reference Chinese tally marks quite a bit, so here they are for reference. Also to clarify they are used in other countries but I'm calling them that because their origin is Chinese (from what I understand I hope I'm not getting this too wrong), I don't know if there's a better term for them, sorry)

(I also call out real books by name, which I hope isn’t too immersion breaking, but I felt it was fitting considering who we’re dealing with lol. Now the song)

[The music sounds like a pretty standard “inspirational” pop song. Think Firework by Katy Perry]

[David speaks the first few lines]

Welcome ladies, gentlemen, and everyone else! It’s the start of another wonderful day! Let us make the most of it! I hope you can trust me when I say, It will all be alright

The video starts on a shot of an empty stage, the front row seats barely visible around it. In the center stands David, who looks small in comparison to the stage. Several spotlights shine on him, his arms out beside him. He’s wearing his canon outfit (pre-CH2 EP11), as well as a white domino mask with golden highlights (the one from the thumbnail) over his eyes. He also wears a pin on his right, which looks like a pink camellia. A red dot is visible on the top left of the screen, alongside the word REC.

The camera slowly zooms in, and David puts his left hand over his chest as he continues talking. He smiles wide and bright as the opener ends, and the camera glitches.

[Now he starts singing. I’m still basing this off Firework tbh]

Waking up again, Watching the sun rise, (I) Another brand new start, Another breath of air! (II)

(I) We get a shot of David sitting up on a bed with a deep blue blanket decorated with stars. The walls are grey, but there’s a window with purple curtains in the background, which lets in sunlight. His head is off frame, but he’s reaching up towards it with his left hand. There’s a nightstand off to the left. On it we see a simple lamp, a photograph frame (the photograph is obscured), and a phone with a blue case. There’s a grey circle visible in the top left of the screen. 

(II) We zoom in on the phone, the grey circle at the top right still visible. The phone screen lights up with a message. 

Edward W. 

Good morning. Remember we signed an agreement for an advertisement with…

After that message arrives, David’s hand appears on screen and grabs the phone.

Burning ever bright, the passion for your life. (I) Don’t ever put it down, And hope will never drown! (II)

(I) We’re back at the stage, the same scene as before, but now we’re looking at David’s back. The seats for the audience are visible, and on them sit a bunch of grey figures with no discernible features. The circle at the top left is red again, and once more the REC word appears next to it. 

(II) Grey circle again, as we switch to a scene with a pure white background. A hand with the following bracelet appears from the top right, holding the white domino mask.

(Please pretend that's not the shittiest image ever made)

Another, smaller hand appears from the bottom left, grabbing the mask and taking it off screen. 

[Pre-chorus, the instrumental builds]

See a quasar that now spins Emitting hope, emitting dreams! (I) The center, truly irrelevant When the light is all we see! So- (II)

(I) Grey circle. Back to a front-facing shot of David, who is holding the mask with his right hand. The shot starts with the mask covering the screen, but David swiftly brings the mask closer to him. His eyes lack stars. His expression is neutral-to-dead inside, and he looks down at the mask for a few seconds. 

(II) He takes a breath. Then, he brings his head down at the same time he brings the mask up, covering his face with his hand. He holds that position for a moment, and as the song says “light”, spotlights begin shining on him. At the same time, the circle turns red with REC again. When the “so” plays, David brings his hand up and we zoom in as he points to the sky.

[Chorus!]

Tally up the good things like dots in the sky! (I) You’ll find there’s always hope if you’re willing to try! (II) And even when you feel that you’re lost in the dark, (III) Then I offer my advice, allow me in your heart And then let me be your star in the night! (IV)

(I) Thumbnail image, except the tally symbols start off as yellow dots that look like stars before turning into the tally symbols we see in said image. 

(II) David continues singing, but we get different angles to make the shots a bit more interesting. 

(III) Front-facing shot of David again. His right hand is over his chest as he sings with a slightly less enthusiastic smile. The stars in his eyes fade out. When the song says “dark”, there’s a quick flash to another scene. The background is now black instead of blue, and while David is standing in the same position, his appearance is a bit different. Hair clips off, messy hair, tie undone, black circles around his pupils. He’s wearing a black and blue domino mask, similar to the other one he was wearing before. The pink camellia pin has disappeared, but now he’s wearing a black rose pin on his left. He looks vaguely frustrated. The circle is grey.

(IV) After only a moment, we’re back to the previous scene, and David continues singing as the camera slowly zooms out. Just as the chorus ends, the camera glitches a bit. We see this for a moment:

(Okay so there was an image here, but it gets the post shadowbanned for unknowable reasons. I'll just put the image description here:

"David stands neutrally, with his white mask outfit. He's in front of a green screen on a grey wall. It looks as if he's being recorded by a camera which shows things such as the time of recording, the camera battery, the pixel size, etcetera. Red REC circle on the top left.")

Then, the camera suddenly goes dark with a bright flash at the center, as if it had been turned off.

[More spoken words]

There will be times in your life, when you feel that (I) you don’t have anything worth living for. (II) This will always be false. (III) Let me tell you some, uh, paraphrased quotes from books I like, which help me maintain a positive attitude! (IV)

(I) We see David from a POV to his right. He’s sitting on a comfortable looking blue and yellow chair as he talks with a calm smile, wearing the white mask and pin with the red REC circle visible. He’s in a small room, with star decorations hanging from the ceiling. On the blue walls, there’s a poster of David (white mask and all) holding a book with a big smile on his face, alongside some unreadable text. The book has David's face on the cover.

(II) The screen glitches, and we’re now looking at David from the left. He’s still sitting on a similar chair, except it’s black and purple. He’s back to his bed-hair, black mask, dark circles around pupils, black rose pin costume. He’s smirking as he talks. The background is completely black, but the circle is still red with REC. 

(III) Screen glitches again, and we’re back at the same scene from (I).

(IV) We’re now in a different room, with a wooden floor and blue walls decorated with stars. Red circle with REC. The back of David’s head covers most of the screen, a hand with the same bracelet as before on his shoulder. In the background, there are four blurry, white silhouettes of people.

[Back to singing]

One: (I) Being harmed by cotton wool, Happiness scares the weak (II)

(I) We see a grey background with a horizontal line glowing bright yellow in the middle. There is a small table in the foreground, which shows a book with a pink cover and a black silhouette on front. The side reads “No Longer Human.”

(II) Red REC circle. We see one of the white silhouettes, with long hair, holding up a daisy flower as David (white mask) gives a thumbs up with a wide smile. The background is completely blue.

Two: (I) Our doubts, traitorous Make us lose what we may win (II)

(I) Same grey background as before, but now the glowing symbol in the background is the Chinese tally mark for 2. “No Longer Human” is still there, but now there’s a book standing next to it. It’s orange and has a scale on the front, alongside the words “Measure for Measure.”

(II) Grey circle. The screen is split in two. On the left, David without his hairpins (post-reveal hair), but also without a mask, is staring blankly at his phone. The background has the grey walls and purple curtains from his bedroom. On the right, we see someone in a suit with a pin which looks exactly like David’s hairpins accepting money being handed to them by a white silhouette. The white silhouette has similar pins on their other hand. The background there is blue.

Three: (I) Time and the hour, Run through even rough things (II)

(I) Same scene with the books, but now the symbol is the Chinese tally mark for 3 and there’s a new addition. A book with a red cover with a skull and a crown, labeled “Macbeth.”

(II) We see a white silhouette with short hair slouched over on a desk, in a dark room. They’re looking at a computer screen showing David’s white-masked, smiling face. The circle isn’t visible in its usual spot, but it’s on the computer screen, red with REC. The desk the computer is on has discarded candy wrappings all around the keyboard, as well as a white mug with a yellow star drawn on it.

Four: (I) Time soothes sorrows,  Be content you have known me. (II)

(I) Book shot. The symbol is now the Chinese tally mark for 4. Apart from the books which were already there, there’s now a white book off to the side, with a small, stylized drawing of a person with blond hair and green clothes standing on a grey sphere. We can barely see the words “The Little Prince.”

(II) Another white silhouette in a blue background, a book with David's face on the cover beside them. Red REC circle. The silhouette is on the floor, their hand outstretched towards (white-mask) David, who is leaning down over them and offering them a hand with a placid smile. It looks as if David is trying to help them stand up.

Five: (I) There’s relief when you know, You won’t carry burdens, see…

(I) The same scene as before, except all the books are gone. The symbol in the background is the Chinese tally mark for 5. On the table stands a book with a dark cover showing a big house, with the title “And Then There Were None.”

(II) We see David’s face (white mask, but hair undone), with a smile that doesn’t reach his (starless) eyes, as he accepts his usual hairpins being handed to him by a hand with the previously shown bracelet. 

[Pre-chorus]

And there is so much, so much more (I) So many reasons to carry on (II) Even when the world’s against you You just have to find your hope! (III) So (IV)

(I) Back to the scene with the comfortable looking chair for a moment. Red REC circle again.

(II) Grey circle. We see David’s back (post-EP11 hair) as he looks out the window of his bedroom, which shows a pitch black sky, the purple curtains framing the shot. 

(III) David walks off frame, but his reflection remains still on the window. It’s David with the black mask outfit, smirking. 

(IV) Screen glitches, and the window disappears, but David (black mask) is still there, on a black background. The circle turns red with REC, and spotlights begin shining on him. 

Tally up the good things like dots in the sky! (I) You’ll find there’s always hope if you’re willing to try! (II) And even when you feel that you’re lost in the dark, (III) Then I offer my advice, allow me in your heart (IV) And then let me be your star in the night! (V)

(I) David (still black mask, black rose pin, black circles around pupils, no hairpins and post-CH11 hair) points up, the camera zooms in on his hand. It quickly goes back to showing his full upper body, he’s still smirking. The background remains completely black, but the circle is still red with REC.

(II) We zoom in a bit. David tilts his head and rolls his eyes behind his mask.

(III) We change to the back of David’s head. We see the four white silhouettes on the black background, looking as taken aback as silhouettes can look. 

(IV) Screen glitches, we see a side shot of white mask David holding his hand out with a bright smile. Screen glitches again, now black mask David is standing in the same position.

(V) We see this:

[There’s a small guitar solo, as the music suddenly switches to a very fast-paced rock style instrumental. David can be heard laughing]

Still with his black mask outfit, David sits down on the same comfortable looking purple and black chair from before. He’s laughing.

[The next lines are sung very quickly]

One: (I)  I wonder, does it make me a villain… (II) Two: (III) If I choose to discard the ideal? (IV) Three: (V) Should I regret what is true now? (VI) Four: (VII) Is it my fault? Does it make me inhuman? (VIII) Ah… hahaha! … (IX) “Correct” (X)

(I) Back to the grey background with a table in the foreground. We again see a horizontal line glowing bright yellow in the background, but now there’s a withered daisy laying on top of the table.

(II) Screen is split, the circle is gone. To the left, David (black mask) has his mouth open in a smirk as he points to his head in a finger gun gesture. There is blood on his hand. To the right, we see the long haired white silhouette’s head laying on the ground with their head turned to the side, a splatter of a pink liquid under it. 

(III) Grey background with Chinese tally mark for 2 glowing. The withered daisy is still there, but now there’s also a broken pin beside it which looks very similar to David’s.

(IV) Screen is split again. To the right, a side shot of David holding his now bloodied neck with both hands, again with a big smirk. To the left, another white silhouette laying on the ground, face down with their hands to their sides, and without any pink liquid visible.

(V) Chinese tally mark for three on the grey background. Alongside the withered daisy and the pin, we see the broken pieces of a white mug with a star drawn on it.

(VI) In the bottom left, a shot from David’s left, where he’s giving a thumbs down with a bloody hand, the blood still on his hands and neck. On the top right, another white silhouette laying on a pool of pink liquid on the ground, their limbs bent in unnatural positions. 

(VII) Chinese tally mark for 4 in the grey background. Alongside the other objects, we see the book with David's face. It’s completely drenched in water, several pages ripped out and strewn around the table.

(VIII) To the right, a side shot of David pinching his nose, still smirking. On the left, another of the white silhouettes lays on the ground with their head tilted to the side, again without pink liquid.

(IX) We see David’s upper body as he stands up and cackles, throwing his arms out to the sides. As the laugh trails off, the screen glitches. David changes a bit. His hairstyle turns into his pre-Ch11 hairstyle, but he doesn’t have the hairpins. His eyes have neither stars nor dark circles around the pupils, though he does have eyebags. He’s not wearing a mask or a pin, and his tie is undone. He’s looking at the camera with a horrified expression. The grey circle returns. The screen fades to black as the laugh fully disappears and there’s silence for a moment.

(X) An image fades in from the black. It’s the same table from before, but lit more dimly. The grey background shows the Chinese tally symbol for five written in blood. The only thing in the table is the bracelet, stained with blood.

[Bridge, the instrumental slows down again]

Count up my mistakes, like stars in daylight.  You will find “me” again, if you’re willing to try. And even when it feels it’s all lost to the dark (I) Then I beg you, I beg you… (II)

(I) Screen fades in again, and we see David standing in the stage from chorus one. Grey circle, no spotlights. The shot is zoomed out, so David’s face is impossible to see, but his arms are to his side neutrally, and his head is tilted down. His hairpins and chest pins are missing, and his tie is undone. There is a stool next to him, the white mask laying on it. 

As he stands still, words appear behind him, slowly rising from the ground and scrolling to the top of the screen. 

CREDITS

Main cast:

Chiem D. 正 Williams E.

Producers:

Chiem D. Williams E. MILGRAM

Script-writing:

Williams E. Chiem D.

Camera Operator:

Chiem D.

Original Idea:

Chiem D.

Special Thanks:

Background Characters:

As the credits scroll, David brings his hands to his chest and fumbles around a bit. When he moves them away, his tie is now done correctly and his pink camellia pin is back up. He then takes something out of his pocket, and brings his hands to his hair. After removing the hands, his hair pins are back up. 

(II) Right as “Background Characters” appears on screen, we cut. Zoom in on the white mask on the stool, and David grabs it. Shot switches to David’s face, his eyes closed and mouth pressed in a thin line. He slaps the mask on his face, and quickly swipes his hand up. As he does, his mouth twists into a big smile, the circle turns red with REC, and the spotlights begin shining on him again.

Tally up the good things like dots in the sky!  You’ll find there’s always hope if you’re willing to try!  And even when you feel that you’re lost in the dark, (I) Then I offer my advice, (II) allow me in your heart (III) And then let me be your star in the night! (IV)

(I) The camera zooms out slightly to show David’s upper body, as he points up. The credits behind him now start scrolling backwards (top to bottom). He’s singing cheerily, but there are no stars in his eyes. Right as he says “lost in the dark”, the credits fully disappear from the screen.

(II) Cut to the ‘正’ symbol, written in blood, on a grey wall. Grey circle. 

(III) David’s hands appear on frame, holding a mirror with a golden frame. He puts it over the ‘正’ symbol, covering it completely. In the reflection, we see white mask David frowning at the mirror with starless eyes. 

(IV) Screen glitches, and we’re back to the same screen as before (white mask - no stars - spotlights - red REC circle - stage). David finishes singing, but he’s still breathing quickly.

[Instrumental begins to wind down]

The camera zooms out as David continues breathing heavily.

Let me be your star in the night!

The camera fades to static before suddenly cutting off.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MonoTV: On the topic of inspirational speaking, do you need any encouragement?

Es: Uhm, I guess it couldn’t hurt?

M: Too bad! I’m not gonna be nice to you! 

E: Who are you talking to again? 

M: The only encouragement I’ll ever give you is when it comes time to cast your verdict. And speaking of that, it’s… g

VOTING TIME!!!

#drdt #david chiem #milgram #drdt milgram crossover au

[eschergirls]

Hi everybody!

It's a new month, so that means it's time for another monthly site update and thank you post for Escher Girls' amazing Patreon subscribers. :)

First, for updates, I've restored quite a few tags and posts this month, mostly involving the Grimm Fairy Tales and Avengelyne tags including this Grimm Fairy Tales 2010 Swimsuit Special beach volleyball picture and the really funny gif edit of what's happening in it by @rachelthefish that I used for the update header because I love it so much.  Also for restorations, I want to highlight this redraw of another Grimm Fairy Tales cover, as well as the post of the original cover it's based on.

Also, my friend showed me this very funny comic about bikini armor that I thought you'd all enjoy, so I'm passing it along, it takes the trope to its logical conclusion.

Due to the massive backlog of auto-flagged posts on Tumblr I'm still working through them. If you notice any missing content or empty tags on either here or on the main site, please let me know!  I'd like to appeal everything I can on Tumblr and also to fix anything that's broken on the main site!  Additionally, if you have any suggestions for site upgrades or changes that would make it easier for you to browse or comment please let me know!

I'm also working through my huge inbox backlog, so some of you that submitted stuff a long time ago may start seeing it appear.  I'm really sorry for the delay, I get a lot of submissions and Tumblr's inbox is hard to get to the back of.

As usual, given the upheaval with Twitter and the occasional issues with Tumblr, you can always follow Escher Girls using RSS. (For newbies, RSS stands for Really Simple Syndication and is basically a feed you can read using an RSS reader. Simply copy and paste https://eschergirls.com/rss.xml into an RSS reader and it will keep you up to date on Escher Girls!)

And now, I want to give a shout out and big thank you to our October supporters on Patreon! 

So thank you SO MUCH to:

Anne Adler Cat Mara Chris McKenzie Em Bardon First Time Trek Greg Sepelak Ian Cameron Ken Trosaurus Kevin Carson Kim Wincen Kristoffer Illern Holmén Leak Manuel Dalton Mary Kuhner Max Schwarz Michael Mazur Michael Norton Miriam Pody Morgan McEvoy mors_d randomisedmongoose Rebecca Breu Ringoko Ryan Gerber Sam Mikes Sean Sea SnigePippi SpecialRandomCast Thomas Thomas Key

Your support helps me pay for domain and hosting costs, as well as allowing me to make upgrades to the site.

It's important that EG has a dedicated self-hosted site because it means the site can exist without worrying about Tumblr rule changes or posts being flagged and deleted suddenly.

And like always I want to thank each and every one of you for reading, commenting, submitting, and otherwise engaging with Escher Girls.  You're why we're still around 12 years later. :D

Thank you all so much,

Ami

(If you wish to support Escher Girls, you can subscribe to our Patreon at: https://www.patreon.com/ami_angelwings or donate through Ko-Fi at: https://ko-fi.com/amiangelwings.)

#patreon #update #note

[squarebracket-trickster]

Joy List

Another tag from August what the heck?? Thank you and SORRY to @thesoftestofpetals!!

Rules: Make a list of all of the things that have made you happy recently! Then, tag as many people as you want that you think may need it to keep the positivity going ✨

I'm just going to talk about writing things (WIPVII related) because otherwise I could go on for a while haha

I'm halfway done draft 3!!! 40 000 words!!!!

It's so funny!

I'm actually loving the descriptions I've included so far.

I have finally figured out why my characters were feeling flat and what I need to do in draft 4 to fix it!

I love the first line!

There's this 98 yo who volunteers where I work, she has owned horses all her life and I got to solicit her help in researching for this WIP. She is so fun to talk to oh my gosh.

I'm finally at the point in the editing process where I have fixed enough of the issues that I knew needed to be fixed from the beginning that I am now able to spot things I never thought about (for example: my chapters are weird lengths and break in weird places. The story is coming together well enough that I can spot that now!)

I do love the themes. Even if I am worried I won't do them justice.

This is such a nicely structured story. There are so many call-backs, character foils, and moments that mirror each other and it makes for great emotional impact.

Went back and reread the first scene yesterday. It's has a lot more potential that I was giving to credit for when I wrote it. And I can see what it needs to improve it, finally!

The scene I am working on right now is one of my favourites!

Henry is hot. Help.

This is the first project I have ever seriously edited - I am normally a hand in the first draft kind of person but you can't exactly do that with a full length novel. It's been amazing to see the project change and improve over time, especially in ways I could not have imagined when I was doing the first draft. It gives me more confidence in future first drafts - that later drafts aren't just fixing the obvious mistakes in the first draft, they will add new things too.

I feel like I am finally starting to develop my personal style.

Tagging oh so softly these lovely people I have not tagged yet: @aziz-reads, @steh-lar-uh-nuhs, @aalinaaaaaa, @scribe-of-stories, @nacricissa, @acmartin, @unstablewifiaccess, @marziethepan, @anonymousfoz, @serenanymph

#wipvii #tag game

[dimpledpran]

bad buddy fandom getting-to-know-you meme!

(created by @fiercynn)

Thank you for tagging me @morkofday (x) and @disasterbabygirlnick (x)

note: i consider "fanworks" to pretty much everything people create related to a fandom, including but not limited to meta/analysis/discussion, gifs, fanvids/edits/fancams, filk, fanart, fanfic, fan food, fan crafts, etc. please include this note with the meme unless you have a different definition!

name and whatever you want to share about yourself

Mimi, 30, She/Her, Singapore, always in need of more sleep, and more time to get through the watch list

when did you watch bad buddy/join the fandom?

So I was initially waiting for Bad Buddy to finish airing so that I can binge it. But it was getting harder to avoid spoilers on the dash, so I decided to give it a go. I am so glad I binged ep 1-6 and only joined the airing from ep 7. Because there is no way I could have survived ep5 and waited a week after watching Pran walk away. That would have been torture.

favorite ship(s)

Of course PatPran are the ultimate ship. I love them so much. And also InkPha because we are finally getting some GL representation!!!

favorite character(s)

I know everyone says this, but it is true. Pran is me. I am Pran. Like I have never related to a character as much as I have related to Pran. In terms of character, personality and even certain issues he was facing. It's just insane. And I love him so much.

favorite episode(s)

Episode 10. It just has everything; the highs and the lows. A perfect mix. We start off with the staircase confession, which is also one of my fave scenes, and then we have the boys finding out that the business/Chai was never the main problem the parents, prompting them to dig deeper. Pha's realisation and thew whole park trial date with the Wai encounter. That was such an epic scene. The only thing better than confused Pha was protective Ink and flustered/heartbroken Wai.A little cameo from Gemini, Ford and Fourth! INKPHA DARK ROOM SCENE!! PatPran on an actual hotpot date! And of course the parental confrontation and rooftop breakdown. I know I did not have to list out the whole ep, but I got excited. I am sorry.

favorite scene(s) 

Episode 5 4/4 is just a different league. That should actually count as an episode on its own. Love every second from the lobby fight scene to the rooftop kiss and Pran walking away. Its all just chef's kiss. All the emotions!! I am forever in awe at how Jimmy stood up to Nanon and Ohm. He could have easily gotten swallowed by their presence and energy, as a newbie. But nope, he gave as good as either of them. He demanded that space in the scene. And all three of them killed it! Not even gonna start talking about the rooftop scene. There is not enough time and character limit for that. Another favourite is the rooftop breakdown. That was one gorgeous breakdown, and idk if it can be topped. The way Pat is already there when Pran calls his phone. The way Pran who has always been in absolute control, jsut completely breaks down sobbing in Pat's arms. The way Pat can't hold his tears back at seeing Pran cry. The way he tries to still hold it back because he knows Pran needs the space to finally let go. Pat asking Pran if he likes Ink in ep4, and Pran crying in his bed. Idk if he was meant to cry, or if it just happened. But that was beautiful. I can't watch that scene without feeling like I want to punch Pat for puttiung PRan through that, and to give Pran a nice long hug. This shall be my last. InkPha darkroom scene!! They both did such a rgeat job there as well! I can still hear the way Pha's voice quivers when she talks to Ink. It was remarkable. And to think everyone was actually there for that scene (I think it was this scene?). Cos everyone wanted to see the girls act a GL scene. So it must have been pressurising, but they were amazing!

one thing you would change about the show if you could

Gonna say the same thing as Vi and Vishie. WAI NEEDS TO APOLOGISE TO PRAN! It does not matter if homophobia does not exist in the BB universe. You still broke your friend's trust. There's no way you are being made the victim here. You have to apologise and face the music. I am not saying that Wai dropping the curtain should not have happened. I can understand why he did that. But I can't understand why he got away scot-free, and Pran was left to chase after him with an apology. I do not like that they left this unaddressed.

what are some of your favorite fanworks made by other people

It honestly is a struggle to control myself here and not just tag everything I see/read. So here are a few.

♥ gfx ♥ ♥ @weiyingsexual : InkPha X 4Signs ♥ @pranink : The colouring here is insanely gorgeous , PatPran + Rooftop (Stunning colouring) ♥ @petekaos Just an insane edit ♥ @nanons : Pran Fave Character , This gives such dreamy vibes ♥ @mabellsmora : Love the quote with the scenes ♥ @liyazaki : BB Casette Playlist ♥ @lan-xichens : Love the rainbow and the composition , ♥ @baifengxis : Basically their whole rewatch series , ♥ @ardentlytess : InkPha Edit , Pran Fave Character ♥ @raypakorn : Pran Edit , Pat Edit , Horror Edit , Love the blending and overlays here ♥ @disasterbabygirlnick : PatPranXBollywood ♥ Edit ♥ ♥ @morkofday : Fave Ep , Pran DnD , I just love how Pran GLOWS in this edit , ANGST , This used to be my wallpaper , Planet Symbolism ♥ @snimeat : Love the framing and composition here , This gives such happy vibes ♥ @oswlld : Fave Ep , The quote with those scenes just went straight to my heart , Silly Pat and Endeared Pran , PatPran X Songwriting (such a cool formart/concept) , BB as Noir Film ♥ @patspran : New Beginning ♥ @i-got-the-feels : Dynamics , Pran Parakul Songs , Fave Ep

♥ Fanart ♥ ♥ @thatgothsamurai : Photobooth , Wedding ♥ @hereforlou : just all their fanart ♥ @kit-teung : InkPha ♥ @kornswasianguyswag : All their BB fanart ♥ Fanvid♥ ♥ @patpranism : B99 intro ♥ @transpat : Tujh Mein Rab Dikhita Hai , Pat Version ♥ Fanfic ♥ ♥ Promise Me When October Comes, You Will Wait For Me , Remember Even When You Forget, Do I Need A Reason? ♥ @dimplesandfierceeyes : Aroma-nce So Sweet , When Tempests Toss, Embrace Chaos , The Road To Normal Is A Mirage ♥ @sunshinedobi : Melted , Heart In A Cage , Sleepless In Bangkok , Worth The Wait ♥ Contradictions ♥ What's In Your Head (Zombie Eh Eh) ♥ I Only Want To Have It All ♥ @fiercynn : Wait Until The Stars Uncross And Say Yes , All For Swinging You Around ♥ @bbshyperfixation : Pat & Dissaya Go To Singapore , Don't Worry , All My Clothes would Fit , ♥ There's So Many Of Me And So Many Of You ♥ @morkofday : My People, Our People , My Right Hand, Meet Left Hand

(if you create fanworks) what are your favorite fanworks that you’ve made?

Fave Show : Honestly am very impressed with how the blending turned out here. Fave Couple : First time trying out a different style with text effects, colouring those random heart effects, and I was very excited with the final look. Fave Episode : I thought it was a fun idea to explain the episode with song titles, and liked how it turned out. BB X Spiderman : Yes, It is not a happy edit, but I love spiderman and I loved the chance to mix it together with my BB love. Composition Gif Challenge : Again, not a happy edit. But I saw the quote and it reminded me that PatPran could have had an unhappy ending. So I wanted to explore that. It was fun trying to figure out all the shapes and placements. Gifted Buddy Series (1 and 2) : This was entirely a product of Vishie screaming at me with her AU ideas. Thank you for all the screaming Vish, I love it all and I love you! Season 2 Netflix Edit : This took so much time, but I really like how it turned out. And it was kinda fun coming up with a Season 2 synopsis.

a song that makes you think of bbs (the ones in the show don’t count lol)

Silver Tongues - Louis Tomlinson This song is totally PatPran's song. It was made for them. It actually prompted a whole series that I planned out in my head last year. And it turned out that @fitfmybeloved also had the same idea, and we brainstormed more. But somehow we still haven't actually done it yet. Hopefully soon?

idk anything else you want us to know?

So @morkofday gave me an idea for a "collab" edit and we are both working through it now, and mine is about BB. So there is an edit coming out soon? hehe

tagging:

I Everyone who has been tagged above. ♥

#tag game #bad buddy

[unhappytimeleaper]

hello this is that anon that request about shu × reader last time... since request is still open can I request eichi × gn!reader too if I can still ask from the yandere alphabet and the letter would also be his name for easy writing, have a great day... sorry for the disturbance ^^

Word Count: 3,300+

I genuinely don’t know how I feel about Eichi,, I both love and hate him so much. Also random fact he has my favorite solo song out of all of them so if you haven’t heard it this is your demand to go do so. Also these aren’t in order of his name because some need to reference the letter before them. 

Also I forgot how to write. Not sure how good this is, I started it months ago and then stopped writing because sad hours and then finished it yesterday + quick edit so it might be all over the place. 

Tenshouin Eichi; Unedited. Gender Neutral Reader.

Warnings; yandere content, isolation, blackmail, hospitals/medical issues mentioned. 

This blog is 17+ please have your age in your bio or tagged; any ageless blog and below the age asked for will be blocked at the end of the week.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

Eichi is painful to acknowledge as he really doesn’t have any boundaries when it comes to rubbing in your fate. See, for one, you wouldn’t necessarily be abducted or kidnapped but threatened to go with him, a note that you can’t refuse as Eichi is willing to hit you anywhere it hurts the most. Threatening your friends or family, sabotaging your career/education, creating a feeling that you’re never truly alone... anything is game for Eichi to blackmail you into coming with him. Expenses aren’t a problem. It’s something you could expect from the start to be wary about. Not that he would become so intense with love, but knowing that he is someone who is manipulative, who does whatever he wants to maintain what he wants for his own ideal. Eichi is powerful and dangerous; it’s one of the first things you would learn apart when working at the company, and he doesn’t hold back to get what he wants. I mean, just remember how he tried to forcibly get Trickstar to disband when he started seeing them as a threat to the student council. Or the known damage he did during the war without remorse, still holding firm to his beliefs is the right thing for the long term. It is a painful reminder that he feels no guilt for what he did to you, no matter how loving he acts in the long term. No matter how much he plays the loving boyfriend, the one who only wants the best for you that he is in charge of everything.

No, Eichi isn’t one to mistreat you. You are taken care of and given the best clothing, food, room, access to hobbies, and care. It’s a life many would be jealous of, and for most people, even if given a chance to complain, would scoff, acting as if you’re in the wrong. Why are you complaining— you have a loving, handsome partner who treats you right [at least the public thinks so] with the only thing to worry about are the roles of a stay-at-home spouse. You have everything taken care of to the point you wouldn’t have to work another day in your life. What stings more is Eichi just as much likes to reiterate this logic, although he doesn’t shelter you from his poor intentions. He doesn’t try to lie that he blackmailed you into this, and to a point, even accepts if you dislike him because of this. He doesn’t even purposefully mock you, although he might as well with his comments on the situation.

Something else is that Eichi only takes away certain privileges if you are cruel to him or disobey the few rules he sets in place. It is good to establish what Eichi wants most is a monopoly over your attention and time. He doesn’t want to cut you off from everything, perhaps limit it but by no means does he remove you from the world unless necessary. This could be you being cold to him, showing favoritism to someone else, trying to convince others to help you, etc. Eichi also wants you to play the role of someone in a genuine relationship with him. Cooking for him [or with him], talking with him, taking care of him, cuddling with him, giving him kisses, giving gifts, accepting dates and proposals. In a sense, Eichi doesn’t always know how to adequately express the emotions that accompany romance, yet he craves that connection that comes with intimacy and expects it. In a sense, you can take charge to predict what he wants. This also comes from feeling powerful of having you dedicate so much effort and time into a relationship with him, even if it is a sham. Of course, he puts in the same level in it for you-- just often, it feels a lot stiffer in his pursuit of it, not fully understanding how to convey how he truly feels about it all.

There are three levels of trust you can build once you’ve been ‘taken.’ The first is limited to the estate, mostly your room, or if Eichi can accompany you around the ground in other parts. If you notify him where you are, he doesn’t take issue with you in places like the study or tea room if you let him know where you are, but for the most part, it’s more comforting to just to your own space. If you try to be extremely unreasonable to his requests, he might take away your ‘rights’ to specific places in the estate or your hobbies to fill your time. During this time, it’s also common to be in the hospital with Eichi when he is admitted. However, this is mainly because he gets to be doted on by you, and it’s a great way to get time with you since work can often becomes a huge part of his time. You can interact with staff if needed, but he expects this to be left at a ‘business exchange’ rather than becoming too friendly with the nurses. The second is coming with him to concerts, often you’ll be separated from the audience and kept with staff. It’s expected to kinda be apart from them to let everyone focus on work— they don’t need you distracting them, so he tells you.

Honest, you can tell that he gets jealous if you spend too much time talking to them, once again limiting how much you speak with them about business. He doesn’t like you having much of a relationship with the other fine members either, all-knowing your situation; most of the time, they stay out of Eichi and your business, but they do often have little contact with you when you attend events [although it’s mostly Wataru who you speak with as Tori doesn’t care and Yuzuru doesn’t have any reason to interact with you outside of basic pleasantries]. Most of the time at concerts, you are left in the room where they get ready. Eichi savoring every moment of getting to perform for you and the attention you give him before a stage. Watching from the front row, a special seat just for you. The last would be being able to come to work with him, although this would take a lot of trust on his end, and you best believe you’ll have to ham up your love for him to get to this point. Like going to stages, you are expected to have limited contact with other people and spend as much of your time focusing solely on giving Eichi the attention he wants. In reality, it was probably the worse, though, being able to attend ES with Eichi. A bitter reminder that your life is taken and left a shell of its former potential. It also gives him the most chance to rub salt in the wounds of his power over you, even more not being able to really converse with those you once called friends.

Overall, other than the time in the hospital, which is miserable for both of you [since it’s a hospital and just has a feeling of dread], it’s often not too bad if you play along with the fantasy Eichi wants. Even if you both know it’s fake. You can make it as easy as you want it; just beware, Eichi is aware of his power and knows he can make your life and those closest to you a living hell if you don’t play by his rules.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

It’s hard because Eichi is both a decently vulnerable person to many while also being highly closed off, keeping his feelings so close to his chest it’s hard to believe he even has them. Plus, the level of vulnerability will be even higher, as you likely often do. Take care of him in his weak moments when he’s locked to a hospital room for days, unsure of what the future will look like. It’s moments like that which are the hardest, regardless of if you’ve fallen for him or resent him because there is a deep surrealness to seeing him in that state. That the tyrant Eichi you likely heard stories of, the rule over Yumenosaki that harmed so many, is genuinely just a sickly child who has always feared for losing the future he always wanted a chance of having, a future that could never be. All of it is more than just the present you’re facing. You can see it in his eyes that of the kid he once was and why he is this way. Eichi doesn’t need to tell you with words the vulnerability he has. It’s present every day when you see him, and in a way that sucks, it humanizes him. Pairing this with the fact Eichi never asks for forgiveness makes your heart knot itself even more with a sick confusion of emotions. Really, he never asks for forgiveness from anyone he’s hurt in the past, instead living in peace with the action he takes and does even once he’s apologized.

As for his feelings for you specifically, it’s a decent openness that is masked by his rules and blackmail. You can feel it in how much he wants a normal, domestic relationship, how he acts, and how much he wants you to play the role of a lover. Even in a few of the ways he talks to you, there is a layer where you can tell his genuine cares, which can create a layer of annoyance since there is no need for him to go through all this trouble if that’s what he wanted [though unlikely you could reciprocate after all of this]. But based on how he handled Yumenosaki, there isn’t much surprise you can have that he doesn’t just take the actual easy way but instead chooses to get you to love him through traditional courting. If anything, how much he bears his heart, either on purpose or through other means, can help play into keeping more of your freedom.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Eichi likely doesn’t like thinking too much of his future with you. Ironic as he is someone who always is thinking about the future and the betterment of the industries in the long term, pushing him to do hurtful things to others over what he deems is ‘better for the future.’ But Eichi is aware of the possible little time he has with you. He knows that at any time, it can end and that even if he wants the future, he wants with you to be long, that it isn’t guaranteed. It hurts to know that. Even bringing it up is a sore subject and makes Eichi’s mood noticeably more foul, so it doesn’t take long for you to learn to stay away from the issue. Even if you don’t care for him, I think there is a mental impact on you. Knowing that someone you are faking love for is going to die soon makes it rough for even you to acknowledge. A paradoxical birdcage in a sense; you know that, in a way, it would be freedom regardless of your feelings for him, but that doesn’t mean you want him to pass either; as mentioned before, you understand the level of why he acts this way. Because you again can feel the past and the future that haunts him, the cruelness of the cards in life he was dealt.

However, this likely doesn’t stop Eichi from daydreaming ‘what ifs’ with you. What if he wasn’t sick? What if he could do normal things, be a normal person, and not be so weak all the time? If he wasn’t in and out of the hospital. It honestly annoys him even more, and you can tell if he’s been lingering on the mindset for too long since he’ll be much quicker to become irritated. He’s never liked to dwell on the concept of what-ifs, but there is a future he wants to have. He wants to get married, he wants to start a family that he can live to enjoy, and he wants to continue to be an idol and have you to show off to the world. To have everyone know you are his and his alone. That he is so deeply in love with you that it would be his one last wish for everyone worldwide to know of it.

And to an extent, he does foresee it happening, maybe not all of it, but he has the power to make it happen. A public announcement to your relationship; sure, fans would be upset since he is in one of the most prominent idol groups, but it’s not as if anything could happen to you given the mass safety you are under, aka locked to limited locations and interactions. He can pass off the relationship as being around longer than it has, and you can play the o-so-deeply-in-love companion through blackmail. No one would doubt a thing. You should have known something was wrong when one might he offered a public date [something both of you knew was a risk due to fame and overzealous fans]. It was finally even a crumb of freedom that you almost couldn’t help but be excited about. Even worse, it was enjoyable that if your guard was barely down to start, it ultimately fell by the later hours of the day. Eichi was a shining example of the perfect boyfriend that day. He took you to all your favorite spots and chose activities he knew he could participate in but still things you loved. In a frustrating way, you couldn’t help but note the charm he naturally has that allows him to be such a manipulative powerhouse. Of course, it all came crashing back to reality when he kneeled before you on one of the busiest streets and proposed. That photos of the day likely would be circulating around online even now, and the glaring camera pointed at you. That there was no way you could turn down the heir of the Tenshouin and key idol Eichi in such a busy place— let alone given that he was the one holding all of the cards now. It was a seal of fate for your engagement. The future might not be guaranteed, nor that Eichi could get everything he dreamed of before his life ended but with you publicly tied down to him. Even if he were to pass, you’d be forever sucked, barring the title of a Tenshouin. Even once widowed, he’ll forever be a figure haunting your life from the shadows.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

As I mentioned in that last section, your worst experience as mentioned would be the day of your proposal. As, of course, part of it is what was mentioned before, the crushing feeling of letting your guard down, having a wonderful day, and then the rug being pulled out from under you. To have a feeling that this could be a turning point in the relationship for you two, that maybe you could have him drop everything that happened and work to slowly progress to being an average couple. One where you are monitored, locked up, and blackmailed into staying with him. All of it comes falling back into the reality of your situation. The power Eichi has not only as an idol but through his family and business connections. There is no way you could turn him down; worse, he knows that. That just as always, he is as manipulative to get what he wants rather than trying like an average couple in a normal relationship. It stings even more that you have to put on a joyous act, too, the lights blinding you, so all you can see is white but the feeling of the cameras searing themselves on your body. You could feel the tears rolling down your cheeks, falling in blobs against your hands, covering your mouth to control your sobs. The whispers of people, ‘is that Tenshouin, that Tenshouin Eichi?’ ‘They must be so happy; look at how emotional they are.’ ‘They look so young; it’s wonderful to find someone that special so you!’ ‘He’s so happy, how could someone break his heart…’ Salt in the wound. You have to push down the wave of nuance, choking out a yes for the crowd. If you thought Eichi fans were bad when they found out you were dating, your heart sunk in the horror at the picture of them founding out that you would reject the painted love of your life in media. As Eichi wrapped his arms around you, sliding the ring onto your finger, you only sobbed harder into his chest, mumbling about how you hated him. You hated him so much, and you know saying that would get some of your rights taken away, but what else could you do? In a moment, he kisses your forehead— a simple ‘I know.’ as the lights continue to sparkle around you.

It feels like forever until you get back to the estate, the ring on your finger weighing like a ton of bricks. The ride in the car back was silent, but everything felt like a thousand words. There was no energy for you to even be upset or want to fight him on the proposal. Even asking if this was real or just an act, you knew deep down this was real. And you knew that once this wedding went through, you’ll forever be stuck in this life, with these asinine rules and logic to appease Eichi. It doesn’t matter, even if you wanted to throw a fit and argue back against this; it would only push him into using the dirt he has on you and those you hold dear or to punish you by taking away parts of your freedom. Or that he already has the excuses lined up about how this can make it easier for you too, not just personally, as now it will be documented but consider the hospital now? Airports, finances, documentation, etc., so much will be less of a burden through marriage. You played this game long enough to know you’ll always be the first to cave. That no matter how smart, how witty, how manipulative you can be, you’re no match with him in the long game. All that was left was changing into nightwear, crawling under the sheets next to your now-fiancee, drifting between sleep.

A big reason why this is the worst as most of the other times is that as much as every other experience sucks, it becomes routine after a while. With that, it’s all so dependent on you specifically. Life with Eichi can be effortless, more than many others, because if you just play the role of someone who loves him, most things can be undeniably smooth. There can be some challenging moments, and losing pieces of your freedom is not easy, but you can still leave the house and talk to some people. That you have access to media and hobbies. Though since this experience can be so varied in how an individual can choose to act, the worst experience would likely be the proposal— it doesn’t matter how much freedom you have or pretend that things are okay because now it’s something that can’t be changed. If you choose to be rude and consistently push back against Eichi, it’s not like he’ll not go through with it. You’ll just be trapped in a single room with little to do and still engaged. Perhaps planning a wedding will give you something to do with your time. Either way, there is no way to put a positive spin on the engagement in the long term.

#enstars.leaps #yandere character #yandere writing #yandere x reader #yandere enstars #yandere ensemble stars #yandere fine #yandere eichi #enstars x reader #ensemble stars eichi #eichi tenshouin #tw: yandere #tw: isolation #tw: blackmail

[daisiesonafield-blog]

Hi Daisie. Sorry for asking, I'm new to the fandom, but I always see Larries getting angry at people outside the fandom sexualizing Harry, who seems proud of his body and shows it off a lot, but they will always sexualize Louis and are constantly thirsting over him. I just wondered, why is it okay to thirst over Louis but not Harry. I'm not talking just a few people, it seems the fandom as a whole lives by it.

Anon, I'm choosing to answer this so I hope you're not a troll trying to stir shit up.

I think there's a fundamental difference that you're not picking up on here, and that is basically the entire context any of this happens in.

Fans are allowed to think both Harry and Louis are hot and sexy, and talk (respectfully) about it. They can talk about it and make sexy edits or whatever. In my opinion, it becomes an issue when fans begin to bring that conversation to shows, put it on signs and basically shove it in Harry's or Louis' faces. Or talk extremely explicitly online and tag them or try to directly involve the celeb.

As celebs they're of course at the public's mercy, and by default they're made out to be something the audience should desire. And that's fine as long as people respect boundaries and understand that there's a difference between thinking "OMG Louis is so hot I want to lick his fingers" and then putting that onto the actual real Louis.

In regards to sexualizing Harry or Louis tho, I think you're misunderstanding things, or missing the crux of the issue here, and that is that Harry's sexualization is not because of fans. It stems from the gross marketing xafctor did, that turned his sweet 16 year old self into a sex crazed object. They turned Harry into a one dimensional character that only exists as a sex symbol, for people to attach sexual meaning to. That is why we say people need to stop sexualizing him. But it's so ingrained into his image, that he can't so much as walk next to a woman without people going "oh there he goes fucking another girl". And unfortunately, this sex symbol image has become what Harry is to the public at large, so his "fans" think it's also ok to act that way in front of him, or that he likes sexual advances/signs from strangers at his shows or wherever else.

Anyways, I think I'm rambling now....

More detailed answer here.

#sexualizing harry #rambles #ramblings #i'm so tired

[exhausted-pigeon]

@matchacheezo sorry it took me a while but there we are! Let's start explaining my unhinged (wel not really unhinged but surely complicated) headcanon for Cass and Jason has twins!

-

A bit of a premises:

1. We are going with Sandra old backstory, her sister was murdered by Guano Cravat, not David Cain, and Cain had absolutely nothing to do with her until well after she became Lady Shiva;

2. I prefer when Willis and Catherine are loving but struggling parents, with a lot of flaws but that are trying their best, that the outright abusive ways that are depicted in RHatO;

3. I haven't read has many comics I like (fuck ADHD) so my canon information is second hand, not very important for this but I wanted to clarify that.

Now in for the actual headcanon!

-

How Jason and Cass are twins

Cain wants a heir like in canon, and does find a suitable partner in Lady Shiva (who has become extremely famous after she took revenge on her sister murder has a wandering mercenary) and approach her with a proposal of her donating her genetic material to make the perfect warrior, but she refuses and laugh in his face.

Cain is determined to have the perfect child so he hunts her down and tries to force her in to collaboration but she is better an manage to kick his ass and avoid the LoA people that he send after her.

So Cain goes in another direction and investigate her past and find out her old identity, and the fact that she had donated her eggs to a fertility clinic before the death of Carolyn. So he has the eggs stolen and hires Sheila Haywood, a doctor that was in trouble for malpractice, to act has both the surrogate mother and pediatric for after the kids are born (because they would still have needed some medical supervision even with the batshit training he would put them through).

So they move to one of the LoA bases or something and the kids are born. Fraternal twins, and they are healthy and growing well, but the boy seems to be weaker than the girl, and Cain is all but ready to be done with Jason to focus on Cassandra.

Potentially Jason has some health issues that seen to make him a imperfect candidate, maybe he is born hard of hearing or something that a eugenicist piece of shit like Cain would consider lesser. The point is Jason is not the son Cain wanted and would not care if he died or disappeared.

But there is a guard there that has taken something of a shine to the boy, and he does want he can to help Jason in some ways.

Enter stage left a young Talia, who is there to see how the project for her father perfect bodyguard is coming along. She notices the way baby Jason is struggling, Cain disinterest, Shelia coldness towards both kids, and how it seem that only this guard seems to care about this child. so she takes the situation in hand, and help the man escape with baby Jason, and covers his tracks so the LoA would not find them again. It's not that hard, Jason was pretty much declared a fallied product and the guard was no one important, so they disappear.

The man ends up settling in Gotham and making himself a new identity has Willis Todd, single father, and meets there a struggling actress who ran aways from her family when she came out has trans. Her name is Catherine, and she absolutely adore his little prince.

-

And the things process has canon or whatever story I'm working on.

-

The details may change depending on stuff (like if I go with trans guy Jason), but this is the basic idea.

I have more ideas on Willis and how his experience shape the way he raises Jason but that isn't the focus there.

-

I hope you enjoy! 💜

EDIT because forgot earlier: anyone feel free to reblog and/or use this idea for their stuff, just tag me/message me so I can see it!

Also tagging @benbamboozled (because I added some stuff from the last time we talked about this) and @prodigworl hopping you enjoy it since it was your post that pushed me to finaly clean this idea up.

#my writing #dc #jason todd #cassandra cain #david cain #sandra wu san #sheila haywood #willis todd #talia al ghul #headcanon #also tagging this has #earth j #cass cain #for archival purposes

[batik96]

Tagged! Reading edition

I was tagged a few weeks ago (sorry for the delay) by @hedwig-dordt to offer up my current, recent and future reads. Thanks!

Current: "The River We Remember" by William Kent Krueger. It's a book club book. I haven't made it far. Even though it's set in Minnesota rather than North Carolina, it feels very "Mayberry," right down to the book's version of Otis, the jailed drunk who tends to come and go as he pleases. It's a mystery/police procedural with issues of race and prejudice, and at least one character is LGBTQ+. I feel as if I could enjoy the story -- I do love a good mystery/police procedural -- but Krueger's descriptions of the town and its people simultaneously feel spot-on accurate, somewhat stereotypical and way overdone. Maybe it's fic's influence -- that general understanding that the reader knows a lot of the details and doesn't need them repeated -- but, in a book in which the murder victim is found floating in a river, I feel as if I'm drowning in detail about every blade of grass lining the riverbank. I know fic tends to shortchange the scene-setting at times, but scaling back isn't always a bad thing.

Recent: "Remark Bright Creatures" by Shelby Van Pelt. Another book club book, this is easily the most charming non-fic tale I've read in years. At the heart of the story are Marcellus, a giant Pacific octopus living at an aquarium in the Pacific Northwest, and Tova, the older widow who befriends him after taking a night job cleaning the aquarium. In the first few chapters, you'll wonder how anything connects. By the end, well ... I wish there were a lot more books this well-constructed and charming. It didn't just make me smile; it made me happy. (Don't be surprised if you absolutely fall in love with Marcellus! I swooned.)

Future: "Fourteen Days," edited by Margaret Atwood and Douglas Preston. This novel was written by more than two dozen authors (including Tumblr's own @neil-gaiman), built around a framework premise of apartment building tenants who are trapped inside and bored during the early days of the pandemic and begin meeting on the building's roof each night -- socially distanced, of course -- to tell stories. My understanding is the authors wrote individual chapters involving the tenants' stories and Atwood and Douglas constructed the framework around them to build the larger tale. I'm looking forward to seeing how the individual writers' styles vary and how they fit together to create the whole. (The premise feels very much like a challenge the Sherlock fandom would have tackled back in the day.)

I'm not entirely sure who's still hanging out in these parts on a regular basis, but ... I'd love to hear from ... @thetimemoves, @cemm1966, @perpetuallyvex, @writingfanficsfan and anyone else who sees this and would like to share! (Please tag me so I'll be sure to see your post!)

#Batik96 babbles about life #and tagging posts #and reading

[dari-ede]

In the Middle of the Night: Ch 23 (M)

Chapter 23: "자꾸 멀어져가" [jakku meoleojyeoga]

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

Summary: As Bangtan prepares for a new chapter in their lives, they head to their private property in the forest for a songwriting workshop. As a songwriter and producer they have worked with for years, I’m asked to tag along. I was ready for the heavy workload and small amount of sleep during the workshop week. However, I wasn’t ready for the storm that came that changed my friendship with Namjoon forever.

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Smut

Pairing: Idol!Namjoon x Female Reader

Rating: M (language, explicit sexual scene)

Status: COMPLETE

Trigger warnings: familial problems, sexual assault scene (once again, this will have a ***** at the beginning and end), mother-daughter issues, misunderstandings

Warning/spoilers: anal, fingering

********

NOTE: First and foremost, Happy Indigo Day!!!! Don’t forget to stream/listen/buy “Indigo”! 🥰💜💜💜

Second, I'm sorry to inform you that this will be the last weekly chapter I post this month. I've fallen behind on this story due to the crazy holidays (work tends to double around this time). There is a lot I have to work on and I would rather not rush as I have been lately. There are seven chapters left (they’re mostly finished but need heavy editing), so I want to ensure I take my time with them. Plus, I have another short story I’m working on that I want to take care of first (“Seven Times I Hated Kim Seokjin”). I think I’ll be able to release one more chapter of ITMOTN in December but I won't make any promises. I’m hoping to be back to posting weekly by the beginning of the new year.

On a positive note, this chapter is a long one. Enjoy!

_______________

-Early December- 

“You do have a beautiful home, Mai-Mai,” Hoseok said as he stared into the ocean.

Hoseok, Yoongi, Taehyung, and I were all sitting in the backyard of my home. They were done with their shows and had officially started their vacation. Jin, Jimin, and Jungkook had already flown back to Seoul, the rest were staying in the States for a little longer to enjoy some of their time off. Tae and Hobi were flying out first thing in the morning with their families for their vacation while Yoongi would be staying behind alone in California. Namjoon was also set to leave tomorrow with Hakun and Yongrae and another friend of ours. They were going to be visiting several museums in the States; the trip they had been planning for months.

I was putting on a brave face. Namjoon and I were going to be separated once again. Only this time, it was going to be for much longer. I wasn’t set to go back to Korea for another two months or so. Honestly, my heart ached at thinking about it. Even with the guys' busy schedules, Namjoon and I still managed to see each other almost every day since they'd been here. It was going to be difficult not seeing him as often.

“I bet this has a killer view in the morning,” Yoongi murmured as he took a sip of the whiskey he had brought out from my collection.

An idea popped into my head, pulling me away from the sadness I was feeling. “Why not just stay here?” I asked.

Yoongi turned to me, confused.

“I have plenty of room for you, Kiwoo, and Dal. Rather than stay in the hotel, why not here? There’s plenty of security at the gate. If you need a driver, call the company I use or call Ky. His schedule is flexible.” Kiwoo and Dal were the two staff members staying behind with Yoongi. If I was going to invite Yoongi to crash at my place, I needed to extend the invitation to them.

“Use Ky as my own personal chauffeur?” Yoongi asked, chuckling at the idea.

“Get him dinner and he’ll be happy to do it,” I suggested. Yoongi tended to eat at high-quality restaurants and Ky was always too cheap to go to those places. If Yoongi agreed to take him out to dinner, I knew Ky would be happy to drive Yoongi through all of California for that free meal.

Yoongi considered it for a moment. “It's not a bad idea. The guys won't be bored here either. I’ll talk to Kiwoo and Dal.”

I smiled, liking my brilliant idea. Yoongi's flight wasn't for a couple of weeks. It would be nice to have some company. Maybe I could introduce him to an old friend of mine. I didn't get involved in my friends' love lives unless they asked for my advice. Yoongi had never asked me to introduce him to someone or even hinted at wanting to find someone, but I did have this one friend who I genuinely believed would be a great match for him.

Suddenly, Namjoon's appearance pulled me out of my thinking. He had two beers in hand. While Yoongi and Hobi were drinking the whiskey, I was craving beer. Namjoon, being the sweetheart he was, offered to get some for us. Tae opted out of drinking, which wasn't a surprise to us.

Namjoon came to my side and handed me the ice-cold beer. As he took the seat next to me, he caressed my head gently.

The butterflies in my stomach flew in all sorts of directions.

“Such a gentleman, Namjoonie,” Taehyung said as he gave his brother applause.

Hobi mimicked Tae and clapped, laughing at our expressions.

I got a light blush. For some reason, I didn't get embarrassed by the kissing or full physical flirting, but when it was small or intimate touches, I turned into a tomato. Namjoon rolled his eyes at his brothers. He took a sip of his beer and draped his arm on the back of my chair, scooting closer to me.

“You’re seriously not going to join Namjoon on his travels?” Hoseok asked me, changing the subject.

“Yeah. There just isn’t time. I’ve got some meetings with an artist on their next album. Plus, this is a guy’s trip. Namjoon and they have been planning this for months, I don't want to intrude,” I said taking a sip from my beer.

Yoongi laughed next to me. “She doesn’t want to spend all that time in museums.”

Hobi chuckled at the accusation.

I didn’t answer and took another sip. He wasn’t wrong. While I wanted to spend as much time as I could with Namjoon, it also didn’t excite me to spend that many days and hours discussing art. I enjoyed my time at an art gallery and having Namjoon next to me explaining everything, but I feel I would be more in the way than anything else if I went. But I also mean it when I said I didn’t want to intrude on his trip with the boys, all of whom were art enthusiasts.

“She’s not saying anything, so you might be right,” Hobi teased.

I flipped him off.

Namjoon turned to me, his eyes giving a mock expression of hurt. “You don’t want to spend hours of your days walking through a gallery or on your butt in a car, trying to get to another destination?”

He was so close to me that the cluster of freckles around his eyes and nose became more prominent. I swear, they looked like a constellation of stars I could not name. “Depends. If I go with you will you go to a couple of off-Broadway shows in New York?”

Namjoon pulled away and resumed drinking his alcohol, refusing to answer me. I took that as a fat ‘no’.

“The sky looks very pretty,” Tae said as he looked out into the ocean. “I bet the sunset is quite the view.”

I nodded. “The colors against the water are almost breathtaking. And the shadows it makes with the trees give you goosebumps. It gets really beautiful. Like a movie.”

“We haven’t caught a sunset in this view, right?” Namjoon asked me, pulling my chair closer to his.

I nodded. We hadn’t. We had seen one once at the beach but not at my house.

We all turned to the sun as it got closer to disappearing. Everyone was quiet.

Someone cleared his throat. “You want to shoot some pool?” Hobi asked Yoongi.

Yoongi smiled at him and nodded. “Come on, Taehyung.”

“Come on, Tae,” Hobi echoed as he got out of his chair.

“Why?” Taehyung asked, pouting. “I want to see the sunset. Sounds romantic.”

“That’s why, dummy,” Yoongi muttered as he let out a chuckle.

Hoseok took ahold of Taehyung’s arm and pulled him out of his chair. It seemed Tae finally understood why the other two wanted to go inside when I heard him make an "Aaaaaah" sound. Yoongi and Hobi simply laughed at him.

“Well, they were subtle,” Namjoon said, getting up himself and picking up our beers with one hand.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

“It’s ‘where are we going’,” he corrected and took my hand, dragging me out of my chair.

I followed him over to a couch that overlooked the water. Namjoon set down the bottles on the floor and then motioned with his hand for me to take a seat first. I sat down and moved the cushions so we could recline on them and still have a good view of the sunset. Once I was done, Namjoon climbed on, pulling me to his chest.

I snuggled close, draping my leg across his stomach and placing my head on a pillow next to his own. Normally, I would have opted to lay on his chest or neck, but I wanted to keep my eyes on his face. I had first-hand knowledge of how breathtaking his face looked at sunset. There was no way I was going to miss it.

As we lay there, waiting on the sun to come fully down, Namjoon’s fingers lightly stroked my back and his other hand wrapped warmly around the thigh that was on top of him. “You really can’t meet me in New York? Even for a day before I fly out?”

I let out a groan at his words. We had discussed this several times. At first, I thought I would be able to go to New York and spend a couple of days with him, but Ky had booked us some meetings with labels which looked promising. Plus, I had a project with another artist and needed to stay in LA.

“I wish I could, but I can’t,” I said, sounding and feeling crappy.

Namjoon squeezed me. “I know. I didn’t mean to make you feel guilty. Just sucks.”

I nodded, holding him tighter.

He turned to me, his warm chocolate eyes landing on mine. I reached over and traced the dots around his nose and eyes lightly. “I’m gonna miss these the most.”

He snorted. “You’re the only one. I’ve never had a girl that paid them any mind. I’m not even a fan myself. Takes so much product to cover up since there’s so brown.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “What’s so wrong with brown?” I asked jokingly.

He chuckled. “Nothing. On you, it’s beautiful,” he said, reaching for my lips and giving me a deep kiss. “But beauty standards placed upon me growing up made me have a strong dislike for them. Took me a while to simply accept them.”

My fingers continued to explore his face. “Do you like them now?”

Keeping his eyes fully on mine, he spoke. “I like that you like them.”

My heart felt like it would burst. Something lingered on my lips that wanted to desperately come out. I bit my lip, keeping myself contained. He was leaving tomorrow and we would be separated for close to two months. I needed to be rational here.

Suddenly, I noticed a change in the lighting. We both turned to the water at the same time.

The sky turned into different shades of purple and orange as the sun began to fall out of view.

Namjoon’s eyes stayed in nature, taking in the moment. “Beautiful,” he breathed out.

My eyes traced the shadows beginning to form on his face, making his features stronger. “Yeah,” I agreed.

How the fuck did I get so lucky?

**************

A few hours later, we were back at the hotel. Everyone, minus Yoongi, would be leaving first thing in the morning. It was easier if I stayed the night at the hotel than a car picking him up early from my place. As we arrived at their floor, Namjoon and my hands stayed linked.

Staff members greeted us and I noticed some of their eyes lingering on our hands. I had the instinct to pull back my hand and step away from Namjoon. However, I resisted the urge. It wasn’t getting easier being stared at, but I needed to learn how to tolerate it.

The only thing I had on me was my purse where I only had a few things. I felt slightly embarrassed and felt anxious in them knowing I would be staying over the night with no extra clothing.

Judging by Namjoon’s face, though, it didn’t seem the same worries were going through his head. Quite the opposite, he looked quite content as we held each other’s hands and got to his room. Once the door was open, he allowed me to go in first, a big smile on his face as he looked at me. Jesus. I don’t think I ever felt such conflicting emotions about his smile. On one hand, I never wanted him to stop looking at me that way, but on the other hand, I wanted him to stop. We were being watched, goddamn it.

After settling in his room, he put on some music. He needed a few things to pack and I decided to help. I looked around, searching everywhere to see if he had forgotten anything.

It didn’t take long for him to finish. However, he was having difficulties closing one of his suitcases.

He looked around the zipper, trying to figure out what was wrong.

I sat back, finding it endearing to see him struggle. Also, I knew how it sometimes irritated him when he was treated like a child. He liked to do things on his own.

After less than a minute, he figured out what was wrong. “Oh, you didn’t align this well, Namjoon,” he muttered to himself and fixed the problem.

I held back a laugh, not wanting to ruin the moment.

After closing it, he turned to me. “Finally.”

As he stared at me, I caught the glint in his eyes. I knew it all too well.

Biting his lip, he made his way to me. I was sitting on the bed, watching him. Once he got to me, he took a seat in the bed and then tugged at my arm.

I let out a laugh, understanding what he was trying to say. I moved my body on top of his, placing my thighs on either side of his legs.

Once I was sitting on his lap, his hands made their way up my back. “Hey,” he said to me, looking at me with heat in his eyes.

I came closer to him, not being able to control my smile. “Hey.”

We kissed for a moment, but nothing heated. A few touches and caresses. We were content just holding each other.

I wasn’t sure how long we stayed that way, but eventually, a knock at the door snapped us out of it.

“Coming,” Namjoon called out, placing his gentle hands on my hips and applying a little bit of pressure, signaling me to move.

I brought my leg up and moved off him. His hands remained on me as he stood up. His palms gave my lower back a soft rub before letting go as if needing to touch me for as long as possible before our bodies fully separated.

I was noticing this was happening more—the gentle and intimate touches. My body and heart thrilled at the growing emotions, but I couldn’t help but get worried that things were going too fast. Opposite to Namjoon’s thinking, I didn’t think three months was too long. How could our emotions be developing so quickly and intensely? Every touch and look now felt so incredibly intimate.

As Namjoon came to the door, a staff member announced he was there to collect Namjoon’s luggage. Namjoon brought out the suitcases he would be checking into the flight but was keeping his bag and small carry-on behind.

After closing the door when the staff left, I had a lingering question. “Um, do you have an extra shirt or sweater for me?”

He looked at me, confused. “Are you cold?”

I tilted my head, giving him a “are you for real” look. “You don’t like me bringing anything when I stay the night. I would hope you have something for me to wear, at least.”

The realization finally hit Namjoon. He let out an embarrassed chuckle and went to his carry-on. “I should have a couple of shirts. Hold on.”

After finding one, he placed it on the nightstand closest to the bathroom.

On my nights here, that was the side I tended to sleep on. His remembering that and considering me brought warmth.

Namjoon went back to his carry-on and tried closing it. Unfortunately, he was having a similar difficulty with it as he had with his other suitcase. He pushed down hard on it, making a sound.

I got a little worried, thinking he might have broken something. I looked over at it but didn’t see anything damaged. Still, I stayed where I was, ready to help if Namjoon asked me to.

“Namjoon, hands nice and steady,” he muttered to himself.

As brilliant as he was and as wonderful it was to witness his moments of intelligence on the topics of art and philosophy and music, I found it equally as beautiful watching the man struggle with trivial things such as packing. And hearing him talk to himself was the icing on the cupcake.

After a couple of minutes, he turned to me and stopped what he was doing. “What? What are you smiling at?”

Damn, I got caught. “Nothing.” I looked away and tried to busy myself using my phone.

“What?” he pushed, making his way to me, determined to know what I found amusing.

“Nothing,” I repeated, feeling a smile on my face. I looked away.

He knew I was lying. He took my phone and placed it n my nightstand, next to the shirt. Then, he poked my side gently. “Tell me. What was I doing? I know you’re making fun of me.”

He knew me too well, but I wasn’t going to admit it. “No.” I squirmed away from him.

“Liar. Why don’t you tell me?” He poked me again.

“Because if I say what you were doing, you’ll stop doing it.” I backed away from him as he reached for me again. “And you look so fucking cute doing it.”

He sent me a teasing glare and looked ready to pounce.

I climbed up the bed, keeping distance between us. “Don’t.” I could read his next move.

His Cheshire smile and dragon eyes looked almost predatory. He climbed onto the bed, slowly crawling towards me.

There was a thrilling feeling that shot through me. “Don’t!”

Suddenly, I was captured. Fiery lips were on me, soft hands touching me, strong arms pinning me down. And my pussy was fully wet.

It didn’t take him long to undress us both. Then, somehow—I don’t know how—he managed to put on some loud music and take us both over to the balcony door.

Memories of the time with the butt plug flooded back, making my pussy quiver in anticipation.

He turned me around roughly, making me face the city lights like he had that one night.

His hand moved across my stomach and moved down between my legs. His fingers slipped in between until he reached my bottom lips, rubbing my clit with his talented thumb.

I mewled under his touch. One of my hands clutched his arm while the other pressed against the glass in front of me.

“You’re so fucking wet,” he growled into my ear, pressing his body against mine. His cock against my lower back.

I pressed my ass to his balls. “Make me wetter,” I challenged.

I could feel his dark chuckle all the way to my dripping pussy. “How would you like me to get you wetter? Finger-fucking your pussy, or…” His fingers drifted lower, moving away from my cunt and to my asshole.

We had discussed having anal sex and I had told him I was ready whenever he was. He said he wanted to wait for a special night. Tonight was our last one for a while. It seemed a better night than any. Thinking of his long cock inside me there sent shivers everywhere.

“…finger-fucking your tight, little asshole?” he finished asking as he pressed the tip of his finger into my back ring.

A sound came out of me that sounded primal. “Put it in!” I bucked my hips against his hand, my body needing him.

His finger came back to my front juices and went back to my tight little hole. “I need to lubricate it first, girl. Can’t rush this. We have all night.”

He reached down the stand next to us and took the lube I had left there. He applied some onto his fingers. Then slowly, he pushed one finger in, making circles as he went in and out in slow motion. I heard his dark, unmerciful chuckle every time I let out my primal sound.

“Please!” I begged, minutes after his slow but beautiful work. I thrust my ass against his finger, needing more friction. Unfortunately, his other hand was firmly around my waist. It was keeping me from pushing him further in.

His other hand went back to my pussy, rubbing and driving me insane. Once he had more juice coated on his hand, he moved three of his fingers to the ring of my asshole. But stayed there and didn’t move.

“Please!” I was ready to move his hand away and do it myself.

“So impatient,” he said in a mocking tone. And then he finally pushed in, his middle finger was more than halfway sucked inside me.

“My god!” I pounded the door, feeling a combination of discomfort and pleasure.

His finger slowly moved out then moved back in.

My ass shook from the indulgence.

“Shit,” he let out as my walls tightened, his teeth grazing my neck as he picked up speed.

It was perfect friction. “Yes!” I let out, rocking into his hand, and feeling grateful that he wasn’t stopping me. He was now knuckle-deep; I could I his entire middle finger sucked in.

His lips came to my ear. “Ready for another one?” I felt the tip of his forefinger tease my back entrance.

I took a deep breath and nodded frantically. “Fuck, put three in me already.”

He made me feel wild and hungry. Like I could take anything he gave me. I backed roughly into the digit inside me to prove I could handle more of him.

Another dark chuckle filled the room and I heard him spit behind me. Some of the spit landed on my round ass. He took away his finger from inside me—I whined at him—and he coated his fingers with spit. His magical digits traveled back to my hole and went in.

I bit my lip as I tried to ignore the ache I felt, doing my best to focus on the desire it would be bringing me. His fingers moved in and out at a patient pace, allowing my body to get used to the intrusion. It didn’t take too long, my body eventually loved anything Namjoon did to it. Eventually, I was bucking into his hand and letting out grunts of pleasure. My walls squeezed all his fingers, welcoming them.

His lips left pecks and small bites along my back as he brought me pleasure. His other hand took hold of one of my heavy breasts and he played with my nipple.

My back arched into his body. I was on the edge of something fucking beautiful and I wanted him to fully engulf me.

However, he didn’t let me reach my orgasm. He pulled his fingers out and I let out a whine.

My pout was short-lived when I felt his thick and massive head at my back entrance.

“Still want to do this, baby?” he asked sweetly into my ear. His lips pecked and chin.

I nodded urgently. “Please.”

He got closer to me and took hold of my lips, giving me a soft kiss. “Stop me anytime, ok?”

Another nod.

Then, softly, I felt the head of his cock push through my back entrance.

Thank god Namjoon had the music on blast. Hopefully, it was drowning out my sounds.

I felt so fucking stretched. It stung a little. Biting my lip, I allowed my body to get used to the intruder. Thankfully, the displeasure was short-lived. Namjoon’s fingers hand made their way to my clit. He did his best to bring me full pleasure as he worked my ass.

My fingers went around his arm and my nails dug into his skin. He first moved at a snail’s pace. Once he felt my body loosen, he built some momentum.

After some time, his massive cock was finally halfway in, pumping in and out of me like a jackhammer. One hand came to my curly hair, wrapping his fingers around it and pulling my neck to the side so he could nip at my neck. His other hand was pressing onto my heat, stroking my clit to keep me in full ecstasy.

“You ready to cum soon?” His fingers sped up and his hips thrust hard into me.

I let out a loud wail, but his mouth swallowed me silently.

“We’re still in the hotel, baby,” he said once his lips pulled away from mine. “Can’t have anyone start knocking on that door.”

He was right. So many people were on this goddamn floor. And I would personally murder whoever would dare interrupt us.

His cock went further in. “You’re beautiful, baby,” he says almost in a prayer-like voice.

My body was shaking and close to nirvana. My heart swelled three times its size and words lingered behind my lips again. I felt something threatening to come out.

The two of us worked in unison, bringing each other to the cliff. I was working him just as much as he was working me. I enjoyed how we moved together. We went back and forth between gentle and rough and sometimes fell in between. Usually, towards the end, our primal instincts took over and gentleness almost flew out the window. Right now, we were nearing the edge.

“Come on, baby. Come on,” he growled into my ear. The sound of flesh against flesh is loud in the room. The liquids coming out of us added an exotic sound. He pumped his thickness into me with such power, such desire, and an unidentified emotion that almost felt foreign to me.

“Namjoon,” I sob out. My feelings were flying in every direction. I was about to lose it. I clutched onto his arm, needing him to ground me. But at the same time, I knew he was the reason I was close to shattering—close to losing all control.

“I’m here, baby,” he promised. “Cum for me.”

His body moved over mine, molding me. He fused both our bodies into one.

And it was at the realization that we were merging in more ways than one when he hit a special spot inside me. His fingers stroked my clit just right. And then I became untethered. Euphoria.

My walls squeezed him tight, never wanting him to leave. I came calling out his name.

And he was right at my heels, spilling inside me and breathing out my name.

It took moments for us to come down from our high. I was so exhausted.

He left me briefly, but only to collect a cloth so he could clean me.

We fell into a sleep, wrapped around each other.

That feeling in my chest was still there.

The words stayed behind my teeth, edging to escape.

Not now, I told them. It wasn’t time….

********

I heard my phone ring. Stupid me forgot to put it on silent mode. I hurried to turn it off before it could wake up Namjoon.

I intended to reject the call—no one sane would be calling me at this hour. However, at seeing the name on my screen, I jumped out of bed, grabbed Namjoon’s shirt on the nightstand, and locked myself in the restroom.

My mother never called at this time. She was always in bed early.

“Mamá?” I asked into the phone, worried and panicked.

“Did he rape you?” her voice sounded angry and irritated.

The question threw me off. It was not what I was expecting. Plus, I had woken up from two hours of sleep. “What?” I asked.

“Did he rape you?” she asked, her voice louder as she enunciated her words.

“What are you talking about?”

“I finally got to what happened two years ago with you. It took a lot of digging and threatening a lot of past interns and secretaries if they didn’t spill, but I got to the bottom of it." She was out of breath and angry. It was tough following her. "I know you met with Chad alone around the time your contract was getting close to expiring. I know he was supposed to be there with another executive but that other executive never made it to the meeting. You were supposed to be there with Ky but Yori went into early labor and he missed the meeting.” My mother was talking so fast, I could barely make out her words. However, I understood what she was saying; what she had discovered.

My mother didn’t think highly of herself academically speaking. She thought I didn’t think highly of her intelligence, but that was far from the truth. I had always been aware of my mother’s intelligence. She was clever and resourceful. She didn’t get to where she was now without having a brain like hers. I knew it was only a matter of time before she figured out who had been the executive who had assaulted me.

“Apparently, the female assistants in the company have stories of Chad being handsy with some of them. There have been some accusations that he has even raped a couple of them. The higher-ups, of course, have managed to cover it up, but that hasn’t stopped the women from sharing suspicion. Chad’s secretary at the time says you went into the meeting alone. She didn’t know about the rumors circulating Chad at the time since she was fairly new. She said you were fine when you went into the room, but less than an hour later, you came out looking disheveled. She thought you guys had finished having sex and coughed it up to you just being an easy lay. Your makeup was a mess. Your top was open. Your hair—”

****The top button popped off. His hand reached down. Took a grab. As if it was nothing. As if he had done this multiple times. As if it belonged to him.

He squeezed and I felt my skin crawl.

I wanted to reach over and push him off.

I wanted to get up. Run. Yell. Scream. Punch him.

I tried to remember the boxing moves my brothers and cousins and uncle had taught me.

But everything was blank.

I was glued onto the chair. I was frozen into place.

One of his hands was inside my bra and the other was on my hair.

Slobber stuck onto my cheeks and lips. It was like a frog was on me.

MOVE! I yelled internally at myself, but I didn’t listen. Why the fuck wasn’t I listening?!****

“Stop!” I screamed at my mother. I had already gone over these details in therapy. I had learned how to move past it. Or so I thought. Since coming back to LA, I was starting to question whether or not I had fully healed. The last session I had with Dr. Rob was over a year ago and I had thought I was better.

Maybe I had been wrong?

“What?” My mother’s voice pulled me back to the present.

“I don’t want to relive that,” I tell her, determined.

“I knew there was no way you would ever be caught in that kind of situation. But I had to make sure, so I called Chad. I painted out the same details to him and his reaction was all I needed to know what he did to you was not consensual.”

His words sent chills down my skin. “You talked to Chad?” The name came out of my lips and it tasted like vaseline.

“Well, what was I supposed to do?”

I felt an anger boil at my core. “Madre, I didn’t tell you so you could stick your nose where it didn’t belong. This is my issue. I’m the victim here, not you.”

“You’re my daughter—”

“Yes, I’m your daughter. So instead of thinking and acting on your emotions, think of fucking mine for a change.”

“Something has to be done about this. That asshole can’t get away with this. You have to report him.”

The thought of going to the police made me feel more uneasy. “Listen, this isn’t up for discussion. I’m hanging up.”

“We’re going to talk about it, Maya. I’ll come over to your house right now.” I was certain she meant it.

“I’m not at home, Madre. I’m over at a friend’s house.”

“I’ll be over next week, then,” she promised.

I let out a sigh and hung up on her before I fully came apart.

My hands were shaking and I was taking deep breaths to settle myself down.

How had I allowed my mother to bring me to this stage? It felt like it had just happened. Like I had just lived it. Shit, I should have never answered the phone. I should just block her from now on. Talking to her for too long makes me feel like a broken child. A weak, fragile, lost child.

I did my best to calm myself. It took a long time, but I refused to leave the bathroom until I was fully ok. I didn’t want this to ruin my last day with Namjoon. If he saw how upset I was, he would focus fully on me and wouldn’t get any sleep. And it was going to be a long trip for him. He needed to save his energy.

Finally, I came out of the restroom, feeling settled.

I found Namjoon sitting on the bed, fully awake, and his eyes on me. A look of concern was written on his face.

“Is everything ok?” he asked.

I nodded, climbing onto the bed and giving him a small smile. “Everything is ok. Just some small family drama. Nothing to worry about. Everyone’s healthy.”

His brows knitted together as he continued to look at me. “Are you sure? You don’t want to talk about it?”

“No, I just want to go to sleep,” I said, genuinely. I got under the covers.

“Do you want to talk about it in the morning, then?” he pressed.

“We have breakfast with the others in the morning. And then you have your flight pretty early,” I answered.

“So?” he sounded a little annoyed.

I tried to rationalize with him. “You need rest, Namjoon.”

He took a breath. “Ok. Will we discuss it tomorrow night then?”

“After a long day of travel and activities?” I asked, hinting I didn’t think it was a good idea.

“So, when do you think we’ll talk about it?” I quickly noted he was keeping his voice tightly controlled.

My heart quickened a bit, nerves kicking in. I strongly disliked thinking of the future. “I don’t know,” I said, my voice sounding low.

“Next month? Two months from now?” He was pushing, his eyes now digging into mine.

A feeling of intimidation came over me and made me look away. I didn’t know how to answer him. The thought of sharing with him the memory of when I never felt weaker and more worthless was unimaginable. I never wanted him to know that story.

He looked more than annoyed. “When are we going to get past this? Things with us are not new,” he said with finality. His jaw jutted forward, his chest back. He’d never been this angry with me before. “We’ve been together for 100 days. And every time I want to go further, this is what I’m met with: a wall. Also, when I bring up our progress and what our next step should be, you say the same thing: ‘It’s new. Let’s take it slow.’ How much slower are we going to take it?”

I sat there, not sure what to say that wouldn’t get him angrier at me.

“I mean, you can’t even tell the truth to your family about me,” he said.

This threw me off. Weren’t we passed the Thanksgiving incident? “I genuinely meant to tell my brothers, Namjoon,” I said as calmly as I could. “I didn’t keep you a secret from them on purpose.”

“It’s not just your brothers. What about your parents?” he challenged. “Seems like you have no interest in telling them. I heard you talking to your mom.”

Blood drained from me. Fuck. What had he heard?

“You told her you were at a friend’s house. Not boyfriend, but a friend’s.”

I was slightly relieved by this. It meant the worse he heard had been my mislabeling of him to my mother rather than discussing my sexual assault. I tried to keep my voice calm as I tried to explain myself to him. “Not everyone has an amazing relationship with their parents like you do, Namjoon. Some parents are fucked up.”

“I know you don’t have a great relationship with her, but why lie to me about it? You’re still holding back in telling me the whole truth about your relationship with your mom,” he rambled.

“What?” I asked, caught off guard. “I’ve told you everything there is to say about her. About both my parents. Do you want explicit details of the fights I heard? Of the violence I witnessed?”

He shook his head. “That’s not what I mean. There’s something else—something more when it comes to your mother. You left Los Angeles for a reason—it wasn’t just because of your ex. Something happened and you don’t want to tell me. I heard you discussing Chad. You got upset at your mom for talking about him. Chad was one of the executives at your label, I remember. What’s going on with him?” he asked in a demanding tone.

He had said his name. And he was upset with me. My anxiety was not faring well as I felt my palms start getting clammy. My heart rate accelerated.

I decided to go with some honesty. “You’re my best friend, Namjoon. I tell you almost everything. I’ve told you about my issues with my mother.”

The melty, cocoa eyes that made me feel alive so many times were now digging into me and making me feel pathetically small. “You haven’t told me everything. You’re keeping things from me. Including the real reason why you left. I thought eventually you would open up to me. As a friend, I accepted you keeping that secret. But we’re not just friends anymore. I want more. I need more.”

I didn’t know how to respond.

Almost like a sudden switch flipped, his eyes lost all the hardness in them. “Why are you keeping it from me? Do you not trust me?” he asked with a voice of genuine hurt.

Guilt began to make its way through me. “Of course I do!”

“Then what is it? Why can’t you take that step with me—open up?” his voice was edging towards desperation. “Our feelings are past taking things slow. I know you know it. This is when things have to leap forward. There is no backward; there is no freezing time.”

I tried to control my breathing and shaking. After a moment, I said, “I feel if we don’t take it slow, then we’re bound to make a mistake.”

His eyes lost their softness. Their sharpness came back. His chest huffed forward as if my pulled by my words. “Boundto?”

I was puzzled at his reaction and didn’t quickly respond.

“As in, you know it’s not going to work out? You don’t have hope for us?” There was a mixture of hurt and anger in his voice.

I regretted my use of words. “No, that’s not what I meant.”

“Then, what did you mean?” he demanded.

I took a breath, trying to think quickly of what I could say to make this better. “Every other relationship I’ve been on has ended badly. And I think it’s because I rush things. I can’t do that with you. I feel if we take things slow—if we take our time in getting completely serious, then we have a higher likelihood of being successful.”

His jaw clenched. He let out an exasperated breath as his dark eyes looked down at me with puzzlement and frustration. “You let me—” he stopped himself, looking as if he was inwardly reasoning with himself. He closed his eyes, shook his head, and turned away from me.

Something clawed at my heart seeing him like this. My words were driving him to such anger and I don’t know what it was that I had just said that made him look like he wanted to punch a wall.

“What?” I asked, my voice small but determined. As much as I feared to know the answer, I still wanted to know. When it came to Namjoon, I always wanted to know.

He didn’t speak, just kept his eyes away from me.

It felt like a knife was now pushing its way into the organ that kept the blood flowing through my veins. “What?” What had I done to cause him such disturbance?

He shook his head, taking some steps away from me. He walked towards the door. To get away from me.

My body jerked forward, acting on its own. “Don’t.”

I didn’t scream it out, but my voice wasn’t small either. It was said in a tone I had never made before. And it was enough to make him stop. His body instinctively turned back to mine, his eyes looking concerned at my tone.

“Don’t,” I repeated with the same voice.

He didn’t leave, but he didn’t walk back to me either. He was thinking—debating with himself. He was trying to figure out how to work through this. I did my best to wait patiently, despite how desperately I wanted to start groveling.

Please. Please. Please. Seeing his back towards me cracked something in me. If he left…I don't know what would become of me.

Finally, he took in a breath and looked straight at me. “Why are you with me, Maya?”

What kind of question was that? “What?”

“Why are you with me? Why do you want to be with me?”

Was he serious? “Because I like you.”

“But what is it about me that makes you want me as a boyfriend?” he challenged.

Did this have to do with his self-loathing? Is that what this was stemming from? Was Namjoon having an episode again—how had I missed it? “You’re kind and funny and smart,” I said in a rush, needing him to know that he was completely valuable. If he needed reassurance to crush his self-hatred, I would give it to him.

But Namjoon didn’t look moved. “Seokjin is all those things. Why not be with him?”

Honestly, it felt like I was experiencing whiplash. “What?”

“What makes me boyfriend material for you?”

“Namjoon, I don’t know where this is coming from—”

“Is it my friendship?”

“Yes.”

“You can have that with Hoseok. Do you like how you can relate to me musically?”

“Yes.”

“You can have that with Yoongi.”

“Namjoon, will you—”

“Are you with me only for sex?" His voice was full of hurt and pain. His eyes were wet and red with agony. "Because I’m a good lay?”

This left me at a loss for words.

It took a moment for him to speak again, still keeping full control of his tone. “What we just did is not something I’ve done many times. Certainly not with someone I’m just casually seeing. It’s a carnal act that I treasure. An act I don’t take lightly. I’ve had a couple of one-night stands, and they weren’t for me. I told you this. I’m no prude, but I don’t do certain things in the bedroom that are that intimate with just anyone. You’ve told me how open you are with past guys—whether it be one-night stands or serious relationships. You’ve given it up easily before, whatever. But I’m not that way. I can’t detach emotions from sex. And the fact that you don’t feel strongly for me and you did that with me…. I just don’t know how to feel about that.”

It felt like a knife was being injected into me. In so many words, he was telling me what he thought of me: I gave it up easily. I had let him take me up the ass without the emotion of love attached. I could think of the perfect word of what he thought I was….

“We started this wrong,” he said, further pushing the knife into me. “Sex should have come much later and I knew that. But like a fucking horndog, I gave in.”

I could throw up right now.

Tears began to make their way out of his eyes. “I can’t do this, Maya. I can’t be in a relationship where it’s just about sex. I want more. And I can’t even say we can go back to being friends because I can’t. I can’t and won’t go back to that. I respect myself too much.” He sniffed, his head low.

And he walked out.

The door closed with a soft click.

I was left alone with his words floating in the air.

He respected himself….

Himself.

He didn’t say he respected me.

A slut.

I could feel my anxiety tipping over the edge. I needed to get out of here quickly.

Stumbling out of the bed, I took off his shirt, putting on my spaghetti strap and bottoms. I had no idea where my second top had landed. I hurried to find my keys and got the hell out of there. I couldn’t find my shoes fast enough for my liking, so I left barefoot.

I looked like a whore who had just been fucked and used, walking down the halls barefoot and with only my skirt and spaghetti strap on. Tears had smeared all of my makeup. I looked like a goddamn wreck. My shoes and undergarments had been left behind. Security both gawked at me and looked away in shame.

The scene I was in was similar to two and a half years ago….

I felt nothing but humiliation. The sobs came fully down the moment the elevator doors closed.

__________________

Last note: Sorry that weekly posting is ending on this scene. I wish it had been a much happier one. 😖

Also, Happy Holidays, everyone. Be sure to look after your health during this time; be happy and merry. And if you have a mother like Maya or your family has similar toxic traits, do yourself a favor and cut them off. You deserve better. 🥰

___________

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

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