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happy-emmdings · 11 months

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Bleeding Out

on AO3

Tags: major character death, character insight, inner monologue in canon scene, hurt/no comfort

Summary: When Milah is murdered in front of him, Killian watches his entire world crushed and carried away on the salt-scened wind. He barely reacts to the severe pain and bleeding of his own body.

Word count: 1 084

He has been a fool for thinking a heart twice shattered had a chance to hold together while still being made of flesh. He should have turned it into solid rock. He should have cast it in steel. He should have thrown it into the ocean deep and leave it to fossilize. Because now its shards are piercing his lungs and he cannot breathe without a stabbing pain.

The softest touch of fingertips brushes against his jaw and he can feel the life fading out of them. Once again, he is powerless to stop it. Once again, he watches the one he loves most turn into a cold, unresponsive, empty body right in his arms. One moment a person, full of life and love and with so many horizons to see, the next a lifeless cadaver. A beating heart is nothing but sand in the wind.

He caresses her cheek one last time, unable to turn away just yet. This is the work of a coward. A coward who wouldn't even put up a fight for her, who has never deserved her beautiful, bold, courageous heart. A coward that hadn't passed his test years ago aboard this ship. Only a coward could hide behind dark magic and dare to claim the life of a woman for not wanting him. He wouldn't fight for her but he would dare seal her fate? How dare he? How dare he!

Does he have any idea what he has just done? What kind of monster is he to destroy the most precious soul in the entire world? What kind of monster is he to take a life worth a thousand times his? Can't he see that he has blocked out the sun? That the sea runs red with blood and the air is turning to smoke? Can't he see that without her there is no point? That all gold has lost its glimmer and all songs have turned to hoarse, empty gasps and all wine has turned bitter and bleak and there will never be joy in this world ever again?

Can't he see, that empty arms, that still feel the remains of a dying loved one's last warmth are a curse most horrid and that he will never ever be able to shake it off? And how dare he let him live with the remains of her last breath clinging to him like frost to a tongue? Once again, he is left behind. Once again, he is forced to watch someone leave and he's condemned to survival. As blood spills on the deck and his clothes, as it runs thick and warm between his fingers as he clutches his wrist, his whole body should be writhing in pain, but he might as well be already fossilizing. He can only feel the hazy edges of it but he knows there is more. It is hanging over his head like a wave stopped mid-motion, lurking, waiting for the cue to crush down on him and overwhelm his senses with the worst agony he has yet to taste. But not yet. It is held at bay by a pain greater still. And a new-born purpose.

A hook is a weapon as good as any other. Anything that has a sharp point can pierce, anything that has a purpose can have another. He couldn't kill the poison that took his brother, but he sure as hell can and will destroy the poison that took his love. His fate is decided the moment when he fails to fulfill that new oath on the spot. And he sees that this is why he is still alive, why he has to be alive even as everyone who deserved to live longer becomes nothing but bones in the ocean and another scar. He was a fool to think happiness was in the cards for the likes of him. No, he has not survived to find a happy ending. He is here to fulfill a different destiny. He must be an emissary of death. He must be the agent of wrath for those that cannot feel it anymore. And he has enough wrath for all of them, more than his wretched heart can hold. He can feel it pouring out through the cracks. And he lets it flood him. He lets it drown out the hopeless, lost despair. And he dons vengeance like a thick, grief-proof coat. What else is there left for him to do but destroy what has destroyed those that made life worth living? A thirst like he has never felt before takes over him. A thirst for crocodile blood.

No, he doesn't need gold to glimmer or songs to sound pleasing and merry or wine to be velvety and sweet. He doesn't need the sun to shine and the ocean to glint in its light. He needs to break what has broken him. He needs the satisfaction of annihilation. He needs to rid the world of this dastardly, abominable demon.

He has loved people whom he would have followed to the end of the earth and beyond. But now they have both fallen off the edge and he is once more left to roam the seas aimlessly like a ship without a crew. Like a wind torn sail without a purpose. The time of love is over. Now there is only one course in the stars for him. The age of hatred has begun. And he will follow it to the blue unknown. He knows what his dying breath will be. A proclamation of triumph when he will have slayed the demon.

The world sways around him as its single focal point becomes the glint of the hook he is holding. And it is then that the wave of unmatched suffering crushes down in full force. His knees buckle and his head spins in haze. And he can't see anything but red, red, red and dark spots and oh, he never knew he could hurt like this.

"Captain!" somebody calls out.

Feet pound on the wood and rush toward him. He is fading. Like Milah's heart. Like Liam's smile. Like a lantern's flame in the draft. But this darkness isn't death, it is merely slumber before he is reborn from the ashes, with a heart of stone this time. He cannot die, for he isn't truly alive anymore. His is an eternal death. A death he will live out to the last weary day. The hunt for revenge has only just begun.

#ouat fanfic #killian jones fanfic #character insight #ouat 2x04 #milah ouat #milah’s death #killian pain #mutilation #millian #it's angsty timeee

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soulless-angel25 · 9 days

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Angsty April, Day 22 Prompt- Abandonment @angsty-april

In the nights, when he lies in bed beside Emma he can't help but feel afraid. What if she realizes that she doesn't actually want to be with him and goes to someone else? What if she abandons him?

What if she leaves like his dad did? He pulls her closer to him, she wouldn't do that... she wouldn't. Not after everything.

She shifts slightly, blinking her eyes open, "...Killian? What're you doing up?"

He smiles at her, "Nothing Luv, just thinking. You go back to sleep."

She grunts but closes her eyes again and drifts back off into the land of the sleeping.

She would not abandon him.

#angsty april #angsty april 2024 #once upon a time #killian jones

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ishoulddefbedoingotherthings · 8 months

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Hi everyone! I’d like to share my Captainswan fanfic with you all!

Warning: mega super angst as many of my readers have told me, but there is comfort at the end I SWEAR

Trigger warnings include: implications of and attempted suicide, depression, (there is a final warning, but it is foreshadowed early on and if it’s not your cup of tea, feel free to stop reading ❤️)

Other tags: angst, time travel, domestic Captainswan, Killian is a whump circus, hurt no comfort, but there is eventual reconciliation

Summary:

Emma and Hook’s adventure into the past took a different turn than either of them could’ve predicted, and a small overnight trip turned into two and a half years of bliss.

But now they’re back.

And things have changed.

And he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to survive it.

On Ao3

Chapter 1:

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

It was… well it was never supposed to be like this.

Their relationship wasn’t supposed to be summed up in fleeting glances and the occasional brush of hands when they didn’t know the other was there. Their relationship wasn’t supposed to be something that made his hand twitch every time he thought about it, reaching for something he was too far away from.

Their relationship wasn’t supposed to disappear.

They promised each other that their relationship wouldn’t disappear.

But he guesses it was some cruel trick of the universe that happy endings would always be ripped from them suddenly. And quickly, and harshly.

And cruelly.

They were self-destructive, would always be self-destructive. And there were times when that option of a sweet release felt like it would be leagues better than the cold, heavy chains pulling him further into the water that stubbornly wouldn’t let him drown, no matter how deep he got.

That sweet release would spare him from the endless torment that swirled and pulsed every time he met her eyes over a hoard of people only for her to avert her eyes to something that must’ve been more interesting than him. Something less painful, if he was even painful for her. Truth be told, he didn’t know.

He wanted to believe that he left an impression on her. A sick, twisted part of him hoped that it hurt her, that is was agonizing for her as much as it was him, but the smile that seemed too convincing to be a mask deterred that thought as quickly as a wave pulling back from the shore.

Hate for her festered like a sore every time he saw that smile; every time she looked somewhat happy when he was left stranded on a desolate plain with nothing and nobody except the mere memory of that smile directed at him. And yet he couldn’t bring himself to embrace that hate. He couldn’t bring himself to pull her outside from the safe confines of her family and shout and plead and beg and yell just to get her to look at him longer than a fraction of a second in order to force her to understand the torture that he felt. The torture she didn’t seem to feel.

His hands tightened around the grip of the weapon, thumb absent-mindedly rotating the cylinder, the clicking that accompanies it a constant sound in his brain. Almost calming.

The chair was hard beneath him, the ship rocking with the light waves and the sun was streaming in and dappling his profile like it used to do to hers. It was a lovely day, a beautiful day in fact, and he couldn’t help but think how nice it would be to die on a day like today, a day that reminded him so much of the others.

He gave the cylinder one last flick, letting it spin for a second or two before stopping it and clicking it back into place.

The wooden arm under his elbow was slightly softer than he remembered it being, a bit more comfortable. Maybe it’s because over time he had dug a small divot, maybe it’s because he’s been in this position too many times before.

He rested it against his temple. These weapons were certainly convenient, perhaps a bit loud for his taste, but they did have a certain class, much more so than a water-bloated body with the bites of small fish. The volume might help in his favor. Maybe she would finally hear him, though right now she wasn’t keen on listening.

When he swallowed it was thick, maybe with nerves, he didn’t know, maybe with peace. Whatever it was, he hoped it would be his last.

He shut his eyes softly, images of her playing behind his eyes, images of them. He could hear their laughs, could see their smiles, for once directed at him, and he smiled back with his eyes burning under the lids.

Warm air with the smell of the sea filled his lungs, the metal a cold bite against his temple, the trigger light under his finger.

His body was calm, his mind was clear, his heart was broken, and the weapon was obedient.

Click.

Until it wasn’t.

He growled in frustration, throwing the gun across the room with a bang softer than the previous it and cursed the Gods for his rotten luck. If he knew that his mantra of being a survivor would continuously throw itself back at him, he would’ve bragged about being a dead man.

One day his stupid gamble would play out in his favor, but the world just seems to have a funny sense of humor; pulling death away at the one time he truly wanted it. The time he needed it despite whatever torment would wait for him in the house of Hades. It would feel better than this.

With a frustrated growl he knocked the bottom or liquor off his desk, dropping his face into his hand at the glass shattered just like his soul, rum trickling into the floorboards that should’ve been stained with his blood.

He would try again. Maybe in a week. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe in the next hour. Whenever the next time he felt the crushing weight of his demons on his shoulders like the sky Atlas was forced to hold for eternity.

Maybe in the next minute.

Maybe in the next second.

#captainswan fanart #captainswan fanfic #emma swan #ao3 fanfic #killian jones #once upon a time #ouat #It’s like super angsty so I’m told #I know for a fact that you people like it when these guys are suffering don’t even lie #And so do I #As long as they make up #Hope you like it if you choose to read!

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cosette141 · 2 years

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CS Angsty August 2022 - All Submissions!!🥹❤️

Banner by @undercaffinatednightmare

Thank you to everyone who participated in the csAngstyAugust22 event this year!! Beautifully heartbreaking CS from all of you🥹🥹❤️❤️

(if you still haven't posted an Angsty August fic, no worries! Whenever you do, still tag me and the event tag, and you can still add it to the collection whenever you finish it!)

Here's a list of all the submissions for the event (titles linked to either tumblr or ao3!):

When I Wake - @caught-in-the-filter

Stolen Away - @hannahhook7744

Chibi-style comic art - @cocohook38

Tin Man & Hell's Comin' With Me - @nachocheese-itsmycheese

Witness - @elizabeethan

Out of the Fire, Into Tomorrow - @kmomof4

Scarborough Fair - @searchingwardrobes

Moment of Truth - @cosette141

**Tumblr has been really dumb with the tags lately, so if I did not list or get notified of your fic or art, please let me know and I can add you to this list!! ❤️❤️❤️

Thanks again to all creators and all readers for making this such a fun event!! ❤️🥹

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hannahhook7744 · 2 years

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Stolen away;

Summary; the story of how Harry Hook was stolen away from his parents, Captain Swan, and taken to another dimension along with his uncle Chad-- only to be returned to them years later.

Trigger warning; Kidnapping 2x, feelings of loneliness, crying, attempts at self multiation, child neglect, child abuse, etc.

Tag; @cosette141 .

🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️🏴‍☠️

Harrison David Jones was born to the savior and the legendary Caprain Hook on October 22nd, like his mother before him.

23 years after his half brother, Henry, was born.

9 years after his uncle, Leo, was born.

5 years after his sister, Hope, was born.

Roughly 2 1/2 months after his uncle, Chadwick, was born.

And from the moment he was born, he had everyone wrapped around his little finger.

"Are we sure he's not a clone? Because he looks just like you, Killian" Emma joked softly, smiling down at the positively tiny bundle in her arms.

"I rather hope he doesn't look just like me. I'd hate to explain to your parents why our newborn has a beard" the pirate captain quipped back, shooting her a mischievous grin.

"Oh stop it" the blonde swatted him lightly with one hand, holding their son in the other as she rolled her eyes.

"Ok, ok" He raised his hook and hand up in surrender "but in all seriousness luv, he's not a clone of me. You wanna know how I know?"

Emma raised an eyebrow "besides the obvious you mean?"

"Aye."

"Well, color me intrigued. Go on then. Tell me how you know he's not a mini clone of you"

Killian leaned over her shoulders and carefully pulled back the edge of the towel that was covering their son's face before pointing at it. "There. Right there. He has your face. Your skin tone. Your ears--"

"You know what my ears look like?"

Including his very own infant uncle, who somehow managed to always pop up wherever Harrison happened to be.

Chadwick laid curled around Harrison, pale chin resting atop strains of black hair. Curly blonde hair sticking up all over the place, arms wrapped around the smaller infant in his to-go crib that Emma got for when he was staying over at her parents for the night.

David let out a sigh of relief and called out to his wife, who was still frantically searching through the living room with their other son and granddaughter.

"Found him!"

which is why everyone was devastated the day they disappeared-- almost 2 years after Harrison was born-- and every day after.

The day had started out like every day before it.

Killian arose with the sun, changed into his work clothes, and changed Harrison's diaper before carting him and his toy hook off to the kitchen were he settled him down in his highchair.

From which Harrison babbled at him as he made breakfast. Happy and unable to sit still, an urge to escape and explore rushing through his veins as Hope shuffled in. Hair a mess as she placed a kiss on Harrison's forehead-- their 3 legged golden retriever, Indiana Bones, hot on her trail.

Emma following not long after, half asleep and ready for work.

They ate breakfast, put the dishes in the sink, and got the kids ready for the day ahead.

Dropping Hope off at school where Snow and little Neal ,or Leo as he preferred, were waiting to walk her in like they did every day before doing the same with Harrison at the day care. Where a very excited Chadwick was waiting with a frazzled looking Nova.

They went to the station, greeted David, and got to work. Doing paperwork, answering calls, going out into the field. Nothing major occurring. Nothing to clue them on what was about to happen.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY'RE GONE?!" Emma yelled almost frantic at the nun, craining her neck to see into the empty classroom.

"Emma, I know you're upset--"

If it wasn't for Killian, the blonde was sure she would have throttled the woman in front of her. The woman who was supposed to have been watching her baby brother and son. The same woman who was now saying that they were gone and she didn't know where they went.

"I mean they're gone. Not here" Nova replied meekly, not looking at the duo. "You... you picked them up hours ago.."

"WELL OBVIOUSLY I DIDN'T BECAUSE I'VE BEEN AT WORK WITH MY HUSBAND AND FATHER ALL DAY!" Emma snapped, as Killian pulled her back. Already texting Her parents and Henry, telling them to get a search party ready.

"It was you! A-at least she looked like you..." Nova protested weakly. "How was I supposed to know she wasn't you?"

The savior had to admit that the nun had a point. But that didn't quell the fury she felt at all. So she just spun around and stormed out, tears welling up in her eyes before she said something she'd regret.

They didn't find them.

Not after a hour. Not after a day. Not after a week. Not after a month or a year. Or 10.

They didn't find them alive or dead. They didn't find the toys they had brought with them that day or the clothes they had worn. Not even a shoe.

No one knew whether that was better than finding any of that or not. All any one knew was that the two boys were gone, seemingly without a trace.

And that broke their family's heart.

Year after year passed, with Emma and Killian unable to move on from their search for Harrison and Chadwick.

With them lamenting all of the time and milestones they were missing.

No one knew who was more of a wreck. Emma and Killian or Snow and David. All anyone knew was that they missed their boys.

Wherever they were.

"I dream about them, you know" Emma whispered to him one sleepless night as they laid in bed. Too tired to get up but too sad to sleep.

"Who?" Killian asked, even though he already knew the answer.

"Harrison and Chadwick."

"Oh? What are they like? The dreams I mean?" He questioned, eager to know more. Needing something to take his mind off of the dark places it kept venturing into.

"They're... oddly colorful. Like eye bleeding levels of colorful that doesn't fit the vibe of the places they show." He leaned closer to her, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her close.

"And the places. They're... lonely..."

"Lonely?" Killian asked baffled.

"Like, both places are full to the brim with people but every one is on edge. Their walls up high. Like mine were"

"Oh.."

"And the boys, they're separated. One in each place. Harrison's on a flithy island with 3 girls he calls his sisters and a crew to back him... And Chadwick's in a castle, surrounded by people who call themselves' his friends. A-and they're both fighting a silent losing battle with themselves, knowing they don't quite belong but not knowing why" Emma began to tear up, feeling hopeless.

Killian wanted to comfort her but didn't know how. How could he, when he was feeling just as hopeless and worthless as she was?

Every so often, Emma would mention these dreams of hers but only ever to him.

Chadwick's insecure and is starting to bully other children.

Harrison is losing his sanity and keeps trying to get a crocodile to bite off his hand.

The adults they live with aren't good to them. Chadwick's guardians ignore him in favor of their biological daughter and Harrison's has fits of rage where he slashes at him and the girls with his hook.

The boys cry themselves to sleep every night.

They keep getting rejected by the boys and girls they like.

Chadwick tried to get a girl expelled because of her parentage after using her to cheat.

Harrison and his crew kidnapped a boy king.

Harrison still has his hook and jumped in polluted, shark and crocodile infested water after it.

Chadwick teamed up with the girl who broke his heart to get revenge on the kingdom only to be mistreated by her.

Harrison fought a group of knights and helped save a kingdom and free Chadwick.

Killian both savored and dreaded every dream Emma shared with him. Not sure whether or not these dreams were healthy or if even entertaining the idea that they might be real was cause for concern.

Not sure whether or not he wanted the dreams to be real.

Not sure whether or not this was a sign that the boys were alive and making their way back to them.

He soon got his answer, 17 years after the boys had been lost, when the doorbell rang on his and Emma's day off.

Killian reluctantly got up and answered the door, with Emma right behind him. Befuddled by the sight that met them.

Because there, on the porch, was a small group of people young adults. A boy dressed in red, white, and black standing at the front-- fidgeting with a hand held hook. He had Killian's eyes, nose, and hair. And Emma's face and ears.

And that nervous smile of his, a mix of their own. As blue eyes met blue eyes. "Hi. I'm Harr'. Harr' Hook... and yer son"

And behind him stood a boy with long curly, dirty, blood hair and familiar eyes dressed in blue. Grinning like her mother did.

"Hello sister of mine".

At long last, their prayers had been answered. Their boys were home.

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storiesxtold · 10 months

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@justmilah sent “We’re married.” Okay but what if angry, hurting, angry s2 Killian woke up married to Milah? (Either resurrections shenanigans or alternate timeline xD)

Killian refused to open his eyes. If the dream he was having was this nice, he didn't want to wake up. He had finally started to get his revenge on the crocodile and this dream in which he was reunited with as well as married to the woman taken from him must have been his brain's way of telling him he was doing the correct thing.

Then he felt a weight beside him moving in the bed and he frowned. He hadn't taken anyone home last night. In fact he hadn't done anything last night. He couldn't remember anything after seeing the look on the crocodile's face when his true love didn't remember him and then a lot of pain. Which he didn't seem to be feeling now.

He frowned and opened his eyes only to find himself looking into the face that belonged to that beautiful voice. His frown deepened and he pulled back into the bed he was in. "I must be dead." That was the only logical conclusion he could come to. That giant metal carriage had hit him and it had killed him and now he was in the after life.

#justmilah #c;killian #oh you wanted angsty season 2 killian?#you can have him!#he is going to need quite the convincing to believe he isn't dead #or this isn't some trick of the crocodile #to be tracked #storiesxqueued

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spxcemuses · 2 years

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@extraordinarygrrls asked: 👁️ to catch my muse looking at themselves in the mirror (June and Killian coz OW)

[ Vulnerable Meme ] | Always Accepting

It would occur to June by now that Killian was often awake at night. Whether it was briefly or until wee hours of the morning, it was a pattern that someone like her could piece together due to being around him long enough. It almost felt like routine with how frequent it took place. Killian heads towards the bathroom, accompanied by dim lights that littered the baseboards. Enough to see where someone could go but not blinding them. Turning on the faucet, he leans forward to splash some cool water on his face and get his nerves settled. Thankfully the cybernetic parts in his face were waterproof.

He grabs a dry washcloth from the sleek-looking counter of the sink, patting his face down and giving a heavy sigh afterward. Another nightmare, he thought, it wasn’t anything new. Killian tosses the towel aside, only to catch a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He often avoided looking at himself; vanity wasn’t a trait he had and the disfigurements he dealt with were sometimes a trigger to the past. However, he stayed still, continuing to stare and focusing on the details of his being.

From the mottled scars that masked half his face to the way his hair tousled awkwardly from having parts of it burnt off, it made him feel unnerved. ‘It was his fault, your men died because of Kyrgyzstan.’ Brows furrow downward, feeling sick to his stomach. ‘You couldn’t save them in time, you couldn’t save them. You need to kill Lance, show him what real pain feels like.’ He felt his heart race, his hand gripping against the countertop as he tried to take deep breaths. He wasn’t even aware of anyone else being around until he saw June lingering at the door frame. Flinching, he stares up at her through the mirror, the red in his cybernetic eye equating to the anger he felt. It wasn’t directly her fault, no, but she startled him. She wasn’t supposed to see him like this; he wasn’t ready to show her yet. Killian grabs her arm, not enough to mark the skin but enough to make a point.

“ Get out! Get out of the way! ”

He shoves June aside along with an outburst, adrenaline and aggression in his body like a bomb ready to explode. Killian escapes the now-claustrophobic feeling bathroom, taking a few steps before stopping in his tracks. He wasn’t in a stable mindset, still trying to calm himself from the intrusive attack. He taps the side of his neck, the holographic side of his face showing up.

#( ice-cold revenge. ); Killian #extraordinarygrrls #. answered #oWCH ANGSTY #:(

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somin-yin · 11 months

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Amrit d-wording in all my routes

This jackass has been dying in ALL my routes 😂 in my Ratan's main route, in my Lima and Killian routes and even in his OWN route 😂 I had different reactions to each one but I had sworn I'd make him pay and pay he did 🤷‍♀️

Kindness + independence path (secret ending)

I was elated by this one, so much that I even started to jump on a foot while reading it 😂 and my S.O. even asked "babe why are you smiling at your phone like a psycho?" 😂 this ending was very fitting for Amrit, it was everything I expected for him and more 😂

A very fitting song for this ending:

Rage + independence path:

This was a good one too, and also very fitting 😂 I was cheering for Amala and/or Killian the whole time (since either of them can kill him) 🤷‍♀️ Song for this scene:

Rage + loyalty (Amrit's route)

Not going to lie, this was very sad and made my heart feel heavy ;-; Don't get me wrong, I hate him and he deserves it but the way this scene was written was very angsty, I didn't think I'd ever feel sad for him. Turns out I'm not complete psycho, what a surprise 🤷‍♀️

Song: Can you feel my heaaaaart? (no pun intended)

But overall, I'm happy he got what he deserved 🤷‍♀️😂

#romance club #kali call of darkness #kali: call of darkness #amrit doobay #rc amrit

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searchingwardrobes · 3 months

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I'm back!!! After months and months of creative exhaustion and writer's block, this story came to me one night when I couldn't sleep. It's just a little one shot of pillow talk in Camelot that's a little fluffy, a tiny bit angsty, and a whole lot of tenderness. I hope you all enjoy it!

Rated T

Killian wished for the first time for those garish artificial lights of Storybrooke. As Emma said, he was becoming a 21st century man, and he had come to enjoy the ability to see his beloved in all her glory, even after the sun went down. Here in Camelot, however, he had to rely on his sense of touch alone to map the marks on Emma he had come to know so well.

“You and I, we understand each other,” Emma had said once, and the longer they were together, the more they saw it to be true. Though many a woman had warmed his bed, he still felt self-conscious the first time Emma saw the scars that riddled his body, yet she had smiled in that knowing way she had, and had cheekily said, “let me show you mine.”

His thumb now grazed the puckered one on her shoulder, a form of punishment by a foster father using the tip of his cigar. He nudged her hair aside with his nose, then lightly brushed his lips across the faint white line behind her right ear, caused by a broken beer bottle.

“I thought I ducked in time,” Emma had chuckled when she told him the story, “until I felt the trickle of blood dripping down my neck.”

He knew what it was to make light of a person’s past, as if childhood slavery was just one of those things that happens sometimes. There was nothing normal about it, however, just as there was nothing normal about Emma living in an alleyway at the age of ten ducking from beer brawls.

Emma shifted in his arms with a contented sigh. He wished she could sleep, but since the darkness wouldn’t allow herself that reprieve, at least she could find solace in his embrace. “You silence the voices in my head,” she had told him, pressing her nose to his collarbone. If that was the case, he would not leave her side, though the sleeping arrangements hadn’t made her father very happy at first.

Killian’s fingers danced along the jagged scars along her upper back, the newest ones, from when a skip she was chasing pushed her into a plate glass window. That story elicited a shrug and bragging rights that she only missed a few days of work. Bravado – he understood that defense mechanism as well.

They really did understand one another.

Emma reached around for his arm and pulled his hand down to lace his fingers with hers. She pressed their joined hands to her chest, and he noticed the slightest change in her bearing. An almost imperceptible stiffening, and did her pulse just kick up a notch? She shifted again, this time as if she were uncomfortable.

“Are you alright, love?”

Emma released his hand, and using her magic, she lit the candles in the room. Then she rolled over to face him, her hands fluttering, as if she didn’t know whether to touch him or not. She finally balled them up in the sheet that covered her, pulling it up to her chin.

“Do you know the song ‘Brandy’?”

Killian chuckled. “You know my only knowledge of this realm’s music is you and Henry. Right now your lad is educating me on something called punk? Apparently, it was a favorite of his father’s.”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah, Neal loved that stuff. I prefer the classics.”

“Like those beetle people?”

“The Beatles, Killian, and yes. Also Motown, Elvis, Creedence Clearwater Revival. I don’t know why, I just always liked the old stuff.”

“And this song? ‘Brandy’? Is by one of these singing groups?”

“Uh, no, but it's kind of the same genre, I guess. I don’t know even know who sings it, actually. I thought maybe you’d heard it at Granny’s or something. It’s about this girl and a sailor, so . . . “

“Ah.” He nodded, encouraging her to go on. He was glad she’d lit the candles, though he still couldn’t see her well. Well enough, however, to see the furrow of her brow and the way her lips turned down. This was obviously about more than a song. “Most sailors I know prefer rum, though. Brandy is a little high brow for our modest tastes.”

Emma rolled her eyes, which was precisely what he’d been going for. “Brandy is a woman. She lives by the sea and serves drinks to sailors. In a tavern, I guess.”

“Aptly named.”

Emma adjusted her pillow beneath her head and rolled over. She continued the story gazing up at the ceiling instead of looking at him.

“The song tells the story about her and the man she falls in love with. He’s a sailor, and he loves her, but always leaves her.”

Killian is beginning to see where this is going. He shifts closer to her, propping his head up on his blunted arm so he can look down at her as she speaks. With his hand, he strokes her arm gently.

“The chorus,” Emma continues, “is what the man always says to her: Brandy, you’re a fine girl. What a good wife you would be, but my life, my love, my lady is the sea.”

There are many things Killian could say. The first thought that comes to his mind is that the man in the song is either an idiot or a complete cad who most likely has a girl in every port. He’s known the type. People probably assume he’s the type, but he was always careful that his one-night stands had the same expectations he did. He actively avoided women who would be a “good wife.” Not every sailor had good form, however. He could explain all of that to Emma; tell her that the song is unfortunately a common tale, but it’s never been his.

He knows, however, that none of those things are what Emma needs right now. So he waits, without moving, his hand still caressing her arm. Emma releases a puff of angry breath before speaking again.

“I’ve always hated that song.”

“Emma, love,” Killian says gently, shifting onto his back and reaching for her, “come here.”

She comes to him a bit shyly, and he smiles at her gently as he cups her face with his hand. In her gaze, he can see hesitation. Fear. He doesn’t know if it’s the darkness whispering doubts, or if it’s her same old insecurities, but this is one battle he knows how to help her fight.

“My life,” he says, kissing her cheek, “my love,” he kisses her nose, “my lady,” he kisses her forehead, then pulls back so he can gaze into her eyes, “is you, Emma.”

Her eyes well up with tears, and a hesitant smile teases the corners of her mouth. “The Jolly Roger was your home for so long. You had nothing holding you back. Nothing tying you down.”

Killian shakes his head. “Emma, you said once that you and I understand one another. You, like me, were an orphan. What is the one thing all orphans want more than anything else?”

“A home,” Emma breathes without hesitation.

Killian nods, then kisses her fiercely, pulling her to himself, his hand tangling in her hair, pouring into his kiss all his hopes and dreams for their future. When they part, breathless, Emma presses her forehead to his, her smile finally full and joyous.

“So I didn’t freak you out when I mentioned that white picket fence?”

Killian tucks her against him, wrapping his arms fully around her. As he kisses the top of her head, he thinks of the real estate ads he and Henry have been looking at, one house in particular that looks fit for a princess, with a view of the sea.

“Not at all, love. I want that too.”

Emma snuggles further into his embrace, her hand splayed on his chest, right over his heart.

“Good,” she says, with that edge of smugness he’s always found so endearing.

He tries to stay awake, for her sake, but the warm, flickering light of the candles, combined with the softness of her in his arms, lulls him more than the ocean waves. Just as sleep pulls him under, he murmurs against her hair.

“You’re my home now, Emma. My life, my love, my lady.”

Tagging: @snowbellewells @jrob64 @teamhook @kmomof4 @whimsicallyenchantedrose @spartanguard @xhookswenchx-reads-blog @thislassishooked @thisonesatellite @xarandomdreamx @zaharadessert @huntressandlioness1 @jamif @undercaffinatednightmare @onceratheart18 @sparlecorn93 @sals86 @pirateherokillian @jonesfandomfanatic @linda8084

I don't even know who is around anymore, so let me know if you want to be added or removed from my tag list!!

#captain swan #killian jones #emma swan #once upon a time #captain swan fanfic #captain swan ff #captain swan fanfiction #fluff #sweetness #intimacy #pillow talk #canon compliant

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cssns · 8 months

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WOW!!!!!! Can you believe it? We're done and it's time for the CSSNS23 Roundup!!!

Before we get started, I need to recognize and thank my team of mods, @winterbaby89 @jrob64 @stahlop and @ultraluckycatnd, without whom this event wouldn't have happened this summer! Please join me in giving them all the long distance internet group hugs!!!!

And NOWWWWWWWW... Here we GOOOOO!!!!! Under the cut, unless Tumblr ate it.

@hufflepuffinstorybrooke opened us up this year on July 1 with a wonderful soulmates OS called If You're Lucky, Love Leaves Scars, that I was privileged to make artwork for. The fic left me in tears and melting at the same time!

On July 3, @teamhook posted the first chapter of her fic The Last Witch Hunter, inspired by the Vin Diesel movie of the same name. Only one ch so far, but I'm absolutely captivated and eagerly awaiting more! Very intriguing artwork by herself.

@spartanguard dropped her Killian's evil twin MC on July 5, Sons of Love and Death, with artwork by herself. That artwork, of two incredibly handsome guys shouldn't be as chilling as it is, but IT IS... The fic is completely written and she's been updating weekly, so we're on ch9 of 13. Just sayin, but I'm about ready to use a certain dagger on a certain evil twin.

July 7 @goforlaunchcee posted Smoke and Mirrors, a HOOT of a ghost story, with such lovely artwork by @piinfeathers that perfectly captures CS in this fic. Three chapters are up so far, and I can't wait for more!!!

July 10, @killiansprincss posted her OS A Court of Vines and Shadow inspired by A Court of Thorns and Roses, with absolutely gorgeous artwork by @hollyethecurious. I was not familiar with the source material, so I was completely surprised and delighted with this fic!!!

@athenascarlet posted her merman Killian OS on July 13, The Merman with a wonderful visual on Tumblr 😏 Just a regular night between a sheriff and her merman pirate... Would love to see more of this, but it's staying a OS... for now, she says...

Also on July 13, @anmylica posted the first chapter of Fly With the Black Swan with amazing artwork by @zaharadessert. We have two chs of ten up so far, and I'm sitting on pins and needles waiting for more!!!!

On July 15, @whatevenisthisbloganymore posted the first chapter of Forest View Apartments, a ghost story that has the questions swirling through my mind and eagerly awaiting the next installment! Amazing artwork by @undercaffinatednightmare!

Speaking of @undercaffinatednightmare, real life has been very rude lately and has left her unable to post her two planned fics for this summer, but she has managed to make the artwork for them both that you can find here and here! I love her writing so much and I know whenever RL lets up, both these fics are going to be wonderful!!! *EDITED* The first of her fics, A Charming Curse, has now posted and it promises to be FUN!!!

July 19, @deckerstarblanche posted An Offer She Can't Refuse, with more lovely artwork by @undercaffinatednightmare. Emily only planned two chs for this very hot and sexy Omegaverse fic, but she took it in a very angsty direction in the final scene of ch2, and so has now promised that she'll come back and add one more ch to give us all the happy ending we deserve!

July 22, @zaharadessert posted a very hot demon Killian OS, Sacrificial Lamb that made bloodthirsty Krystal VERY happy. I was once again privileged to make artwork for the fic, with an assist by @motherkatereloyshipper who was responsible for the Emma edit I used.

July 23, @mie779 posted the first chapter of Finding Caldera: The Hidden World of Dragons, with just lovely artwork by @undercaffinatednightmare. The adventure of this fic is just wonderful! We're on ch9 and nearing the end!

On July 25, it was my turn to post for the event! Into the Light was inspired by the 1987 movie The Lost Boys, my very first introduction to vampires and it has never left me! Incredible artwork was created by @motherkatereloyshipper that still just leaves me staring at it slack jawed!

@hollyethecurious posted the first chapter of The Law of Surprise on July 28. Now complete in three parts, this beautiful BEAUTIFUL but also heartbreaking fic was inspired by the law of surprise from The Witcher. Breathtaking artwork was provided by @eastwesthomeisbest and can be found here, here, and here.

@xarandomdreamx posted her CS Practical Magic AU A Crystalline Knowledge of Love and Magic on July 30. Beautiful artwork by @hollyethecurious. Only one chapter so far and my heart is so broken for Emma and Elsa but also completely in love with the story!!!!

Rounding out July, @caught-in-the-filter posted original artwork featuring ghost Emma and vampire Killian that was absolutely CHILLING!!!!

@snowbellewells started Aug off on the 2nd with an incredible one shot, Deluge! Gorgeous artwork by @eastwesthomeisbest. I am so hopeful that Marta will eventually write more of this wonderfully intriguing fic!!!

Then, @eastwesthomeisbest was so inspired by Marta's fic, she made her own original art in the same vein as the art she made for the fic. Absolutely breathtaking!!!

On Aug 8, @booksteaandtoomuchtv posted the Prologue and ch1 of Witchy Woman. I have sooooo been waiting for this fic and so far, four chs in, it is hitting ALL my buttons! Artwork coming soon from @cocohook38.

On Aug 10, @cs-rylie posted The Journal, a seriously SCARY fic, only 3 chs in, inspired by Native American legend. Artwork by me, again with a much needed assist from @motherkatereloyshipper who was responsible for Milah and the journal itself.

@iamstartraveller776 posted her new fic, To Cleave Destiny on Aug 13. Featuring Demon Killian, just this Prologue has me on the edge of my seat!!! Artwork coming soon from @cocohook38.

@exhaustedpirate posted Parent for Hire on Aug 14. A Mandalorian inspired fic, Caro has melted my Captain Cobra heart so many times already, only four chs in. She also did moodboards to accompany each ch that you can find on each of the Tumblr ch posts x x x and I was also privileged to make a banner for the fic.

On Aug 16, @grimmswan posted the first chs of TWO fabulous fics!!! Dracula in Storybrooke comes from the woefully underutilized Land of Untold Stories arc, and Love Bites (But So Do I) is a supernatural adventure of vampire Emma and werewolf Killian. Artwork coming soon from @cocohook38.

On Aug 18, @snowbellewells posted her second fic of the event, Carolina Moon. A fic inspired by the Nora Roberts novel of the same name, my heart is already, only two chs in, broken for Emma and on the edge of my seat waiting for more! Beautiful artwork again done by @eastwesthomeisbest!

@jrob64 posted Saying Goodbye and Moving On on Aug 20, a DESPERATELY NEEDED and ABSOLUTELY PERFECT fix-it fic from the Underworld arc. I was again privileged to make artwork for it, and I'm just gonna have to accept that I almost can't make picsets anymore without the aid of @motherkatereloyshipper. For this one, she was again responsible for ghost Milah.

Aug 22, @padfootprongslet posted the Prologue for Like Our Love (Falling Down and Over Again). A Mr. and Mrs. Smith inspired fic, my heart was absolutely SHATTERED in this first ch and I can't wait for more! I was again privileged to make a picset for this with @motherkatereloyshipper coming in the clutch entwining the rings.

On Aug 24, @jonesfandomfanatic posted Stolen From Time. Now complete in three parts, this fic was absolutely BRILLIANT!!! @motherkatereloyshipper made a beautiful video to accompany it.

Our final fic by @wyntereyez will post in the next few days. She’s dealing with a hurricane at the moment, so she’s excused! Artwork by spartanguard. Can't wait! *EDITED* the fic and art are both now posted!!! I melted at Kait’s artwork, and I cackled and melted repeatedly reading the fic!!!! AND I am BEYOND EXCITED that Jamie has more to come in this universe, because I NEEEEEEEEEEEED it!!!!!

That's it everyone! Please enjoy all these FABULOUS fics and artworks and be sure to give the authors and artists all the love they deserve!!!

#cssns23 roundup #cssns23 #roundup #event roundup

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kazoosandfannypacks · 11 months

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do you have any ouat headcannons that you haven't been able to share but want to? angsty? Fluffy? even fav characters fav food?

*searches "headcanon" in dms with my bestie and compiles a list*

Will Scarlet and Aladdin were roommates in Storybrooke at some point. Not "oh my gosh, they were roommates" but actually "two broke theives splitting rent on an apartment" roommates.

Anytime Killian has to pick up pads or tampons for Emma he also buys her chocolate.

The doorknob on Emma's house gets replaced with a door handle because it's more hook accesible.

There was a holiday in the Enchanted Forest called "King's Day" which was supposed to be a day to celebrate the king. Hook and his crew would always celebrate by committing crimes (which I briefly touched on in my Christmas fic) but Killian decides to bring the tradition to Storybrooke, taking the day off from sheriffing to commit as many "crimes" as possible, with Emma chasing him around Storybrooke trying to stop him from committing as many crimes as possible.

Killian hates the sound of ticking clocks and can't figure out why, so Emma buys him a digital watch and he becomes obsessed with the silent timepiece.

In 200 years, there's no way Killian's never slipped up and accidentally called David "love." Like I'm sure it's happened at least once, and definitely after Killian and Emma get married. They're both super embarassed but Emma and Mary Margaret think it's the funniest thing ever.

Emma went through a pirate phase as a kid.

Idk how firmly I subscribe to this headcanon, but when Zelena tried to drown Killian in season 3, it actually did kill him, and Emma actually used True Love's Kiss there to bring him back.

Evil Snow in the Heroes and Villains universe killed Stealthy in that timeline- which adds even more depth to her killing Doc and saying "now there's six. want me to make it five?"

Killian is a language nerd. He still remembered ancient languages he learned in the navy a couple centuries later, and that doesn't happen unless you practice, and he wouldn't do that unless he wanted to.

[sidenote on above: the reason he refers to the runes Regina draws in s5 as "squiggly lines" is because they don't actually spell out anything; they're just random letters {I know, I've translated them} so Regina really has just reduced the runes to just being "squiggly lines.]"

Gold refused to trade for Killian's dabloons, using the excuse that "I spin straw into gold, why would I need these?" (but really it was just to be petty.) As soon as Gold left Storybrooke in season 4 and Belle took over the pawn shop again, Killian immediatley threw 87 dabloons on the counter and was like "can I please trade these in for money?"

Killian Jones eventually becomes a Jonas Brothers fan

A lot of Emma's cursed NYC memories in S3 were actual memories Regina had of raising Henry.

and uh, i think that's all i got for now! thanks for asking!

#once upon a time #ouat #captain swan #killian jones #emma swan #henry mills #regina mills #rumplestiltskin #headcanon #belle french #david nolan #will scarlet #aladdin ouat #once upon a time season 6

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glassprism · 2 months

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As an ace person, what are some of the best Final Lair kisses? Whether it’s chemistry between actors, or the finest damn pity kiss acting, or something else I haven’t thought of.

As an ace person I am possibly the worst person to judge which are the best kisses... but I can certainly say which are my favorites! I made a nice gifset of some of them here, and added a few more recent ones in this ask. I'm also fond of Killian Donnelly and Lucy St Louis's rendition.

With the kisses in general, I'm usually looking for something unique, something that puts it apart from the usual smacking of lips we see between actors. It can be more passionate or more sad or more angsty, I don't really have a preference, just so long as it's different: a full on make-out, a cradling of the Phantom's head or chest, a tender look, whatever, I like 'em all so long as they deviate from the norm.

#GP gets asks #anonymous

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cosette141 · 2 years

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Moment of Truth (OUAT fanfic) | for CS Angsty August 2022!!

Fandom: Once Upon A Time

Pairing: Captain Swan (and Captain Charming)

Words: 4k

Summary: After Killian learns he killed David’s father, the secret is eating him alive. So, with a load of courage and even more rum, he brings himself to tell the truth. And he prays he won’t lose the love of his life… or his best friend in the process. (S6 canon divergence where Emma doesn’t find the ring and doesn’t pressure Killian into proposing) for Angsty August 2022, CS, Captain Charming, h/c

AO3

Hi everyone! Here's a two-shot for the CS Angsty August event! :) I'll preface by saying that this has a happy ending, but we're going on a little ride haha.

I absolutely haaated that Emma found the ring in S6 and then pressured Killian into proposing. I wanted to see what it would look like if Emma hadn't found the ring and interrupted his attempt to tell the truth about David's father, and see what would have happened that way.

Hope you guys enjoy the angst ;)

~cosette141

Killian stumbled up the steps to their house.

His and Emma's house.

Their home.

Killian paused, catching his balance on the door frame, swaying with the rum that circulated through his body more than blood.

"Dead men tell no tales."

He slid the blade into the man's ribs.

He watched the life leave his eyes, watched him slump against the cart.

Watched him die.

And he, himself, smiled.

Killian felt sick.

His eyes burned, his body thrummed with the effect of the alcohol and the anxiety of having to tell her—needing to tell her.

"I actually want to tell Emma the truth."

"Well," the cricket had said, proudly, "maybe it's because you are the man that Emma wants to marry."

But what if he isn't?

What if…

He lost his breath, his hand slipping on the door frame as his heart lurched.

What if she leaves him?

He caught his breath, his heart pounding.

He couldn't lose her.

Gods, he's tried so hard.

He's changed.

He's brought himself back, dragged himself back, tore himself away from the darkness.

Twice.

And now, despite all he's done to fix it, his past and the sins he'd thought he left there have come rearing back with a bloody vengeance.

Would he ever truly escape it?

Or would he always be a prisoner of his own mistakes?

"Emma… I'm a villain."

"If you're afraid of losing your happy ending, that means you found it. What is it?"

"Don't you know, Emma? It's you."

He couldn't lose her.

He couldn't stand to see her look at him with the hatred he saw stare back at him in the mirror.

Killian shut his eyes, the fog of the alcohol only making the thoughts and the fear worse.

He should have known that there was a limit on his happiness with Emma.

Should've known that he never deserved her after all.

Should've known that his past would come back to kill any and all hope of his future.

And the worst part…

He deserved it.

His chest physically hurt.

He deserved to be left alone.

He deserved to see her walk away from him, to see the love for him disappear from her eyes.

True Love be damned.

He deserved to lose his happy ending.

But it wasn't only Emma he was going to lose.

David.

Killian couldn't breathe.

Just last night, less than twenty-four hours ago, David had cried into his chest.

David had embraced him like Liam once had.

And David broke under the suffering of living without his father, the father who hadn't left him like he'd thought.

Suffering that Killian had caused.

David clung onto Killian like his rock, like his brother, like family.

He'd turned to Killian over the loss of his father. Killian; his father's murderer.

Killian's eyes shut, losing feeling in his legs.

David has grown to be the greatest friend that Killian has ever had—to someone that Killian trusted as much as he'd loved and trusted Liam—

And gods, he's hurt him.

He ripped David's family apart and he's hurt him.

Killian's eyes burned.

"Well, you shouldn't have goaded him into it!"

He destroyed both his brothers' lives.

Hell—

All three of them.

Killian's breath hitched, his eyes opening, nothing but torture shining through.

The urge to run was blinding.

To save Emma from him, because she deserved someone better.

But a small voice somewhere in the back of his mind whispered to him to be a man.

To be strong in a lifetime of being weak.

To do it for Emma, because he will not leave her.

He will never leave her.

He will let her leave him—a choke in his throat, a burn in his eyes—but he will never leave her.

His eyes opened, his frame trembling with fear and the clash of where his weakness met his strength, both vying terribly for control.

But he took a shuddering breath.

And he forced himself to move, opening the door, desperately wishing that it won't be the last time he walks into their home.

Killian shut the door, hand shaking.

He heard footsteps from upstairs—

Emma.

A chill shot down his spine, stopping his heart.

"There you are," said Emma, coming down the stairs. She was smiling. She was happy.

And she kissed him immediately, something soft and sweet and happy.

He shut his eyes, trying to memorize the feel of her lips.

The feel of her.

But she pulled back far too soon, and Killian opened his eyes, begging it won't be the last kiss they ever share.

"Oh, wow. Captain Morgan," said Emma, licking her lips with a teasing smile. "I thought we were switching to water."

But Killian didn't smile—couldn't smile—not in lieu of what he was going to do.

He clung onto the strength within him that was fading more and more the longer he looked at her.

"I'm afraid it wouldn't give me the courage that I need," he whispered hollowly, forcing the words out before he could stop them.

Before he could be the coward he's always truly been.

He watched her eyes shift with confusion, and fear rose sharply through him.

Emma.

Hell, he loved her so much.

Please don't let her leave me.

"Courage… for what?" asked Emma unevenly, sensing the tension surrounding him like a vapor.

He felt paralyzed, the words trying to come out, his fear clinging onto them with all his might.

He could feel the ring in his pocket.

He was nearly going to marry her.

He'd just gotten David's blessing.

His blessing.

The man who had hated him, bloody hated him when they'd met.

And who now was his closest friend.

"You're never going to get her."

"Of course, you have my blessing."

Killian had been so close.

So close.

The desire to lie, to keep it to himself, was agony.

But he couldn't handle it.

The secret was tearing him apart, he could hardly live with himself.

He needed her, he needed her to lean on and was bloody terrified that speaking the words would tear her away from him.

Because he knew for certain that if she did, if she looked at him the way he looked at himself…

He couldn't bloody handle it.

"Killian…?"

Killian looked up, seeing Emma watching him with a concerned expression. Something scared in that expression. "What is it?" she asked slowly.

Killian took a breath.

Braced himself.

And bloody prayed she'd still be here after the words left him.

"I need to tell you something," he managed unevenly, the words hoarse, like they'd been through a war and barely made it out alive. "But I'm… I'm not sure how you're going to react."

Killian suddenly wished for more rum.

But no amount of rum could erase this.

Emma's expression only became more concerned. And…

Fearful.

A familiar kind of fearful.

Age-old crumbled walls attempted to rise in her eyes. "Killian, you're scaring me," she whispered. "Y-You're not… not… breaking up with me, are you?"

Her words were hollow and quick and breathless.

And his eyes snapped to hers, quickly saying, "No! Of—of course not, never—" His eyes shut even as he heard her little exhale of relief. "But… love, I wish I could have you promise that to me."

He felt her hand take his, and his eyes opened, utterly tortured.

He felt sick.

Emma's expression was even more concerned now, but not for herself.

For him.

"Killian, what's wrong?" she whispered gently. A little smile— "I promise I'm not going anywhere. You can tell me anything."

But she doesn't know.

He bloody killed her grandfather in cold blood, and he can't stand to tell her, and can't stand to not tell her.

So he shut his eyes, dredged up the words from the sharp claws of his fear, and spoke before he lost the strength to be the man she deserved.

"I killed David's father."

Silence.

He couldn't breathe.

His chest burned.

"What?"

Emma's voice was small, hollow and… confused.

Forcing himself to repeat it, to get it out, Killian said, "Emma, I k-killed David's father. I did it. It was me. The monster your father is looking for… is me." His voice lost all strength, a hot tear burning down his cheek. He went on before she could speak— "I didn't realize until August gave me a photograph of him, and it… it came back to me, and…" His eyes shut, pain ripping through him worse than any agony he's ever suffered. "I found his father tied to a Royal Guard cart as a hostage," he went on, forcing himself to. "I wanted their gold, I k-killed the guards—" His eyes were shut, every voicing of the word kill, another stab to his chest. "His father begged me for his life, promised to keep quiet on what he saw me do—because he—he wanted… he wanted to return to his family—" Another choke in his voice, another tear down his cheek, contempt for himself trailing through him like poison. "It wasn't even as if… as if I didn't believe him," he breathed, "I didn't need to k-kill him, I just… I didn't care—" A hitched breath, his chest burned. He felt sick. "I watched him die at my own blade, the same one that I—that I've used to spar with your father—" Another tear burned, tracking a molten line of regret down his skin, and he was shaking, he was shaking so hard— "E-Emma, I'm so sorry, I'm so bloody sorry, I murdered David's father, your grandfather, I've hurt so many people, I've—I've done so many horrible things and I'm—I'm—I'm a bloody monst—"

But he was suddenly pulled into an embrace.

His words cut off, his eyes flying open as Emma pulled him tightly to her chest, wrapping her arms around him.

In shock, he stared at her, voice hitching, "E-Emma—"

"I love you."

Killian stopped breathing.

His tears froze on his face.

"What?" he breathed.

"I love you," came Emma's voice, shaky but firm, and she pulled back just to see his face, tears on her own cheeks, but her arms only grew tighter around him. "I love you, Killian. No matter who you used to be or what you did."

Another tear burned down Killian's cheek. "But—Emma, I—"

"I know," she whispered, resting her head against his shoulder again. "I know. But I meant what I said. You can tell me anything. I'm not going anywhere."

The clash of relief and utter confusion at her response just had more tears burning down his face. "Why don't you hate me?" he choked out, voice weak and hollow as shattered glass.

"Because the man who did that," she whispered, sure and strong, "was never you." She pulled back a little, his arms reluctant to let her, but he did, and she touched his face, reading every torture in his eyes. "I know you. The man you are right here… this is you." A broken smile. "That's who I love." she said, only holding him tighter. "No matter what Hook did."

He stared at her in shock, unable to process her words.

He'd expected contempt.

He'd expected to see her heart break.

He'd expected her to throw him out, to never speak to him again.

He expected her to hate him as much as he hated himself.

Another tear burned down his cheek. "I don't… Emma… David, I-I—" Another sob escaped him, hell, he was breaking, and Emma was pulling him into her arms even tighter.

"It's okay," she whispered over his shoulder. "We'll figure it out. And we'll get through it. It's okay." She hugged him tighter. "You have me. I'm not going anywhere, Killian. We'll get through this together. I love you, Killian."

And he cried, there in her arms, under the weight of everything Hook had done, everything he had done. Cried for the lives he'd taken and the lives he'd destroyed, and for his own life that had been broken enough to drive him to such darkness.

And he cried from the relief that Emma was still here. That she wasn't leaving, and that he didn't have to break alone.

Emma held him, never letting him go, whispering reassurances, whispering love. Promising him over and over that she will never leave.

He would never understand what he'd done to deserve her—what he'd done to deserve her forgiveness, her unwavering love. And he only hoped he could find a way to make this right for David, and that he wouldn't lose his best friend.

But in lieu of one of the darkest days of his life, having to tell one of his darkest secrets, Emma was a light.

She was here with him, and he didn't have to go through this alone.

-.-.-.-.

Killian felt a familiar fear run through him, and a familiar need for rum.

He felt Emma's fingers in his tighten.

"It's going to be okay," said Emma softly.

Killian swallowed hard, his numb body begging to disagree.

But he looked at her, seeing the sliver of doubt in her eyes, but enough courage and hope for the both of them.

He took a breath, lifting his hook to knock softly on the door to the loft.

He could do this.

Emma had accepted him, had loved him no less after learning the truth of what he's done, but…

Now, he had to tell David.

Emma had spent the whole night holding him tightly as they slept, like she knew that he was still terrified that she would change her mind about him overnight. Emma knew more about abandonment than anyone Killian has ever known, and she never once left his side since he's told her.

She'd offered to tell her father herself, but this was Killian's doing.

He needed to face his own consequences.

Even if the thought of it made him lose all the feeling in his body.

But without any hesitation, Emma chose to come with him, not letting him do this alone.

Killian still didn't understand how she could be so accepting of him, didn't understand how she wasn't angry with him.

How she couldn't hate him.

And it almost made him think that, one day, he might again be able to look into the mirror and meet his own eyes.

He let out a shuddering breath, where he was outside the loft with Emma, only a door separating him from David.

From a break he didn't know if his heart could take.

They heard footsteps approach the door at his knock, and Killian went rigid, his chest tight with lack of breath.

Emma's fingers tightened around his.

And the door opened, revealing David.

Killian nearly flinched.

"Hook," said David with surprise. "Emma. It's early for a visit."

Killian couldn't find his voice.

His mind was playing over every horrible way David could react.

He couldn't help flashing back to the other night.

"Yes. Of course, you have my blessing."

Killian's need for rum was blinding.

Emma looked at him concernedly, then looked at her father. "Um, is Mom home?"

"No," said David, stepping aside to let them inside, and Emma had to tug Killian in gently after her, for his legs were nearly too numb to move. "She's out with your brother on a walk. Why?" He looked at Killian, a little excitement in his eyes, lifting his brow. "Do you two… need to tell me something?"

His gaze snapped to Emma's left hand, brows falling a little when he saw it empty.

Killian felt sick.

"Um," said Emma, confused at the display, but shook it off. She looked to Killian.

Gods, this was harder than telling Emma.

"I… need to tell you something," said Killian, dredging up the courage from last night, that seemed to have buried itself even deeper within him, even harder to reach.

Emma's fingers tightened even more around his, lending him strength.

David caught the tension, and he crossed his arms, saying, "Okay. What is it?"

Killian shut his eyes.

Felt sick.

Utterly, horribly sick.

"David," he breathed, forcing himself to meet David's eyes. "The man who… who killed your father—"

David lifted a hand, expression shifting. "I've already decided that you were right. I'm not going to look into it anymore; there's no point finding the exact man who—"

"It was me."

The words were barely a whisper.

Killian's heart was pounding so hard it hurt.

David's words dried up in an instant.

He looked frozen in shock.

Then— "What?"

However similar to Emma's first response, the word wasn't spoken like Emma had said it.

It had a touch of that unhinged anger from days ago.

And it made Killian lose his breath.

But Killian forced himself to say it again. "It was me," he breathed, voice hollow, body numb. "I'm the one who… who killed your father."

His eyes burned.

And David….

Went frighteningly still.

Quickly, Killian said, words breathless, "I di-didn't realize until… until after the night you and I…" His voice broke off. "August found the page in the st-storybook, and I… I recognized him." Forcing himself to continue, he breathed, "I crossed paths with him many years ago, and I—" His voice broke. His eyes burned. "I—I killed him."

David was frozen. Slowly, trapped in shock, he breathed, "You… you did what?"

"David," whispered Killian, his name like agony in Killian's chest, "I am so bloody sorry. I—You've no idea how badly I wish I could take back what I've done. I—I have no excuse for what I—" His choked on the pain. "I'm so sorry," he whispered, voice breaking, a tear burning down his cheek. "David, I'm so sorry."

David stared at him, a million emotions rushing through his eyes. Shock. Anger. Confusion. Disbelief.

When he was quiet too long, Emma whispered, "I… I know this must be really hard to hear, Dad… but Killian… he feels awful and—"

David held up a hand, stumbling away from them. "Just… give me a second."

David braced himself a little on the kitchen island, like he was unsteady.

Killian still couldn't breathe.

David scrubbed a hand over his face, announcing roughly, "I… need some air."

Without waiting for a response, he walked out of the loft, door falling shut behind him.

And Killian felt himself grow horribly, terribly cold.

-.-.-.-.

Emma had poofed them back to the house when David still hadn't returned to the loft after a half an hour, and they didn't want to explain what happened to Snow.

The rest of the day went by agonizingly, Killian feeling horribly numb.

Emma still never left his side.

It was dark outside by the time there was a knock at the door.

"I think that's Henry," said Emma softly, getting off the couch, reluctantly releasing Killian's hand to get the door.

Emma opened the door, and Killian heard a little gasp from her, and a familiar voice say, "…Hey."

Killian froze.

"Is… Hook…?" began David, and Emma rushed to say, "Yeah, he's right here."

Killian was on his feet in seconds.

Heart pounding.

David walked a few steps in, eyes slowly meeting Killian's.

Killian's breathing stopped.

David let out a long breath. Then— "I gave things a lot of… thought."

Killian's chest burned.

He braced himself for the hatred.

But he already knew he wouldn't be able to handle it.

"And…" David sighed, like the words came from an eternity of reflection. Killian's chest tightened. But David gave another sigh, something that looked like a release, and he said, "It was a long time ago."

Killian, who had braced himself for a punch to the jaw or words that would hurt more, felt his brows raise. "What?" he breathed.

David let out another breath, meeting Killian's eyes easier this time. "The person you were then.. isn't who you are now. You've changed, and we've all seen the lengths you've gone to make up for the person you were. You saved Emma a million times over, you saved my ass in Neverland, all of us, really, over the years—hell, you even died for us."

Killian couldn't believe his ears.

He still couldn't convince himself to breathe.

With a lighter sigh, David finished, "You aren't the villain you once were."

Killian stared in disbelief.

"I'm not going to say it's easy to know what you did—" said David, as Killian nearly flinched. A meaningfulness slipped into David's eyes. "But a villain—the man who… who did that…" Something of a thoughtful, touched look crossed David's face. "Well, he wouldn't even have told me."

Killian's breath froze.

And out of the corner of his eye, he saw Emma smile.

David winced a little at the sheer lack of color in Killian's face. "You look like hell over this, and… I know you regret it."

"More than anything," Killian breathed.

"Regina has hurt and even killed our family and people and friends," said David, a little uneasily, "and even after we accepted her despite it, and we all became family…" His brows kneaded. "She's never apologized to or regretted who she's hurt in her past once." Looking Killian in the eye, David said, "There's a difference between starting to do good instead of bad… and becoming good." A slight smile. "You're that difference, Killian."

Killian.

David took another step, standing in front of Killian, who was staring at David like he was an utter enigma. And meeting his gaze, David said heavily, "You aren't the man who killed my father. You are the man who was there for me the other night. That was you." A soft look—the same one David had given him when Killian had asked for Emma's hand. "And that man is my best friend."

Killian listened in shock.

And David smiled a little, gently clapping a hand on Killian's shoulder. "Nothing about that night… nothing I said to you that night has changed."

"Of course you have my blessing."

Killian felt utterly overwhelmed with shock.

He not only had David's forgiveness and his friendship—

But he still had his blessing to marry his daughter?

David smiled at his shock, and without hesitation, pulled Killian into an embrace.

And Killian held him back, feeling like the mirror of the two of them from the other night. A tear burned down Killian's cheek, relief rushing through him so strongly it nearly brought him to his knees.

"I'm so bloody sorry," he whispered.

"I know," said David, pulling back, smiling despite it all. Like even in the light of what he's learned about Killian, it somehow sated his search for vengeance. It somehow gave him what he'd been looking for, and the look in his eyes was something almost like exhausted relief.

Which only matched the look in Emma's eyes, tears in hers as well, watching them with her own smile.

And yet, Killian still couldn't understand how they didn't hate him.

But maybe the fact that they didn't, even after hearing that he'd committed one of the worst sins, the worst mistakes of his life, after hurting them yet still getting their forgiveness…

Then maybe…

Maybe he… did deserve forgiveness.

Maybe…

He even deserved his own.

He didn't know how to forgive himself, there was so much he's done that felt unforgivable.

But theirs gave him hope for his own.

Killian felt himself smile a little, something whole and broken at once, feeling like a weight has been lifted.

"I'll see you two tomorrow," said David, walking back to the door, giving Killian one more meaningful look before bidding a goodnight, and leaving.

Emma closed the door, smiling to Killian. "You okay?"

Killian let out a heavy breath. "Aye," he whispered, meaning it.

"You deserve his forgiveness," said Emma softly, as if reading his mind. "And mine. You know that, right?"

Killian responded with a kiss on her lips. "Emma… you have no idea what it means to have you."

Emma smiled. "Or what it means for me to have you." She brushed his hair across his forehead, saying through her smile, "Thank you for coming to me."

But heat touched his eyes, and he whispered, "Thank you for letting me."

Something warm glistened in her eyes, and she's never looked more beautiful.

"It's you and me, Killian," whispered Emma. "You'll always have me."

He touched her cheek, smiling wider. "And you me, my love."

She looked so happy.

In lieu of learning the worst thing he's ever done, he's almost never seen her look happier.

And it made him smile, with sheer relief that he still had her.

He still had her, and her family.

And it made him realize how much he truly wanted to be in it.

Without a second thought, his hand was reaching into his pocket.

"I…" he began. "I wanted to do this somewhere more… romantic," he whispered, watching confusion on Emma's face. "But… Emma, I feel I've never loved you more than I do right now."

Before she could speak, he pulled the ring from his pocket.

And he sank to one knee.

Emma let out a little gasp, eyes widening.

Killian swallowed, feeling the sudden fear that he hadn't thought this through, that he suddenly didn't know how she would react to this.

But when he saw her eyes light up even brighter, his smile widened.

"Emma Swan," he whispered softly, eyes burning for an entirely new, and entirely better reason. "Will you marry me?"

And Emma sank to her knees, smiling wider than he's ever seen, eyes clear and walls down and only joy shining through, whispering one word that warmed him more than any sun ever could:

"Yes."

❤️❤️❤️

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