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a-court-of-fics-and-errors · 9 days

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Keep Moving Forwards, Part 15

Azriel x Reader Fic

Summary: After finally deciding to leave your abusive and manipulative mate for good, you find unexpected companionship with Azriel, the Shadowsinger of the Night Court. As you navigate the aftermath of your traumatic relationship, you struggle to understand where the mating bond went wrong and contemplate your path forward, vowing never to return to the past.

Find other parts here: Master List

To follow this fic, follow tag "Keep Moving Forwards Fic" or comment to be tagged in future parts.

Content Warning: This story contains depictions of extreme emotional manipulation and abuse, detailed descriptions of direct physical abuse, and scenes of men hunting women with implied sexual assault. Please read at your own risk.

Word Count: 4.7k

Author's Note: This is a multi-part series. Unlike my previous works, this fanfiction delves deeper than just fluff, exploring complex emotional landscapes. As I navigate this new writing journey, I kindly ask for gentle feedback. The topics addressed are profoundly impactful, touching many lives with diverse experiences. Please be gentle with yourselves and others. Healing is a journey, and everyone processes it differently. Be kind to yourself. Take what resonates, and leave what doesn’t.

I drew inspiration for the story of the mating bond from the song "The Origin of Love" featured in the musical "Hedwig and the Angry Inch." Whenever the topic of the mating bond arises, this song comes to mind, and I extend my heartfelt gratitude to its creator. It never fails to move me to tears, and I am deeply thankful for its presence in my life. If you'd like to listen to the song, here's the link: The Origin of Love

Please continue reading, being aware of the above content warnings, ensuring you are in a healthy headspace. Give yourself time to process and be gentle with yourself.

As the cabin continued to be repaired, you found more time to wander into the woods, venturing far enough to need a tent, which you packed up and camped overnight in. About a day and a half’s walk from the cabin was a small village where lesser fae lived. Though small, it teemed with life, and the fae welcomed you warmly. None were familiar with the cabin you now called home, but they were eager to help with supplies to fix it up. An older fae female named Bettina, with long, flowing grey hair braided with flowers, traded you vegetable sprouts for an afternoon’s work in her garden. Another young woman with sunburnt cheeks and a babe strapped to her back traded you new fabrics for your collection of books.

Mortus, the village craftsman, was more challenging to trade with. He wanted nothing you had, but he was the keeper of glass panes and treated wood planks. He was an older fae male, his face weathered from harsh winters, yet he retained the youth of someone who had spent his life bathing in lakes and galloping through meadows. Knowing you couldn’t carry much through the woods, you promised to return with something of value to trade.

Returning home with your new items, you dropped them in the cabin, which remained untouched since you had left, and parsed through your bag. You found a set of hunting knives, many much too large for your purposes. The serrated one left your stomach in knots as you pushed out the memory of Anthea’s death. You wrapped them in their leather bindings and set back out to trade them. Mortus was happy with the trade, and upon your return, he packed a mule with the items you had requested. He threw in the mule because you had baked him five different breads with the fruit from the nearby bushes. He noted the mule was old and worthless, but you didn’t mind the company. You lovingly named him Clover, as he seemed to love munching on the leafy greens for hours on end. Though the day-and-a-half trip took three days due to Clover’s stubborn need to stop at every possible water source, you didn’t mind the company.

While you despised the life you had lived in the mountains, you didn’t mind the skills that came with it. You knew how to fix and mend without missing a beat, maximizing your use of nails and learning to use tree sap to seal wood slats. Within a few weeks, the cabin was almost livable. You even took an entire day to build Clover a small pen with branches, sticks, bark, and sap, hanging an oil lamp from the ceiling of the covered plank landing you had made. Clover merely watched as you dropped a pile of wood on your foot, cursing every word that came to mind as you hopped up and down. He just chewed his flowers and grunted at you for disturbing his peace and quiet.

By the time summer was in full swing, you had returned the cabin to its former glory. The roof was patched, and the glass panes of the windows were replaced with various colors. Mortus had given you the colored glass pieces at a cheaper price as he had a hard time transporting glass to and from Velaris. He mentioned going to the market every six months and offered to take you with him, but you politely declined. Your life was here now.

Though your skills in furniture building were limited, you managed to fix up the old rotten chairs for the kitchen table and crafted a small bedside table for the upper loft. Your biggest feat was creating a makeshift mattress from dried weeds and extra fabric. It wasn’t comfortable, but it was much better than sleeping on the hardwood. Your garden bloomed nicely, with zucchini and squash coming up in large batches. Berries from surrounding bushes were a happy addition to most meals.

You even conquered your squeamishness about trapping animals. You caught a few squirrels and rabbits with traps the village children taught you to create. While you still cried each time you landed a final blow, you used every part of the animal, even fashioning sewing needles from their bones to trade with the village females. You visited the village once every few weeks and became well-liked, with villagers storing items for your next return.

Your life seemed blissful. Though you couldn’t rid yourself of your mate, who still tormented you, you felt a sense of peace and self-sufficiency. However, you found it odd how shadows seemed to come and go within the cabin some nights. When evening turned the room deep purple, and you lit the oil lamps, shadows fluttered about with a mind of their own. While off-putting, it happened frequently enough with no ill effects that you almost forgot it happened at all.

In the heat of mid-August, you made another trip into the village and were met by a fae male who seemed to have taken a particular interest in you. Kai, a male about 20 years your senior, with a mop of brown hair often falling into his eyes, often accompanied you through the village, helping carry your supplies which he tied to the ever-resilient Clover. Kai had a kind face, speckled with freckles and crooked teeth, but his green eyes held nothing but kindness. He was strong from years spent working with his father chopping lumber to sell to craftsmen in the city. Kai was always willing to walk alongside you and asked after you constantly.

As you exited the cottage of Meriam, a fae female with five young children who often traded your baked goods for dried cotton, you found Kai running his hand over Clover, who seemed to almost roll his eyes at the interaction. Kai looked up at you with a lazy smile. “Hey.”

You bounded down the steps, your new boots slightly too large but lighter than your old ones. “Hi,” you smiled back.

“How are things?”

You tied the cotton sack to Clover, Kai handing you the lead. “Things are good. Just getting some stuff.”

“Want some help?” Kai asked.

You smiled, appreciating his consistent offer. “Sure.”

The two of you wandered down the dirt road, chickens running amok underfoot as Clover huffed, nearly stomping on one.

“How are things for you?” you asked him.

Kai nodded, “Good. Fished this morning, got a fairly good catch, lots of trout.”

You congratulated him on his catch.

“I’m going to cook them up tonight, if you wanted to stay for dinner.”

You considered the offer, rarely staying past early evening to make it to your first clearing to set up camp. “I don’t think I can. I have a long way home.”

Kai shrugged, his hand resting on Clover’s shoulder, which twitched away horseflies. “You could stay the night,” he offered.

You laughed, “I don’t want to put anyone out.”

“You wouldn’t be,” Kai responded. “You could stay with me. I mean, I’m offering you dinner.”

“Kai, that’s very kind of you, but—” you started.

“I’m serious, Y/N. It’s no trouble at all. Plus, then you can finally taste my fish fry instead of just hearing me brag about it.”

You considered it for a second, the back of your head ringing with uncertainty. You hadn’t slept much the last few nights, and the exhaustion was catching up. You might sleep tonight unburdened by your mate. You looked up, catching Kai’s hopeful eyes. You had declined every other offer he had made before, at least five different times, and yet his offer came up each time.

You laughed slightly, “Sure.”

Kai nearly jumped with excitement. “Really!?” he squealed out, regaining his composure. He cleared his throat, looking straight ahead. “That’s great. That’s fantastic.” He peeked over at you, and you smirked at him.

“If this fish tastes awful, though, I’m never letting you live it down,” you joked.

“You’re going to melt over it,” Kai promised. Smiling widely, he added, “Meet me in an hour?” You nodded, and he hurried off between two cottages. You shook your head, laughing to yourself. Kai knew so little of the world and seemed to have such a sense of childlike wonder. You often found him more like family than anything else. Or at least more like the odd sense of family you had created for yourself. You spent the next hour bargaining with another female who seemed unhappy with the length of your stitches in a quilt you had been working on to trade for a new sack of flour, but you finally convinced her to make the trade, promising that you would up your skill level before the next time you saw her.��

You made your way to Kai’s cottage, set farther back up on a plank platform. Tying Clover to the railing, you walked up the stairs where Kai met you at the door before you could even knock.

“Hi!” he greeted eagerly.

You smiled, “Hi.”

Kai stood there for a moment, basking in his smile before remembering to let you in. “Oh,” he stepped back, waving his arm. “Please, come in!”

You entered his small cottage, smaller than your own. A mattress was pushed into the back corner, various axes and tools were strewn about on the floor in a pile. In the middle of the room, a blanket was set on the floor with a plate of cooked fish in the center, surrounded by plates of rice, beans, cooked squash, and berries.

“You outdid yourself,” you noted, gesturing to the blanket.

Kai stood behind you, his cheeks reddening slightly. “Oh, I, uh, I don’t have a lot of company, so I just…” he stammered, “I don’t have a kitchen table, so I thought we could do it picnic style.”

You chuckled lightly, “That’s very sweet.”

Kai’s eyes brightened before he gestured to the blanket, “Please, sit.”

You did, and he hurried to the shelves next to the stove, pulling down a bottle and popping the cork off. Sitting across from you, he handed you the bottle. You pressed it to your lips and tasted the sweet blueberry wine, its tart flavor tightening the back of your mouth as you swallowed, nearly moaning with delight. You licked your lips slightly before handing the bottle to Kai, who took a drink himself.

“It’s been so long since I’ve had summer wine,” you said.

Kai took another long drink before handing it back to you. “I’ve been saving it. I got it last time I was in the city and wanted to wait for a special occasion.”

“I’m the occasion?” you asked.

Kai smirked, “Don’t flatter yourself.” He paused. “But I guess so.” He brought a fork to the fish filet still steaming on the platter and put it on your plate. “Here, try that.”

You took your fork, stabbing it through the meat that flaked away easily. The buttery smooth texture and light citrus flavor swirled on your tongue. You let out a moan, “Okay, you were right. This is delicious.”

Kai smiled, taking a bite of his own. “I told you.”

Greedily scooping another mouthful, you asked, “Where did you learn to cook like this?”

He swallowed his bite, “My mother taught me. We’d always get a big catch of fish, and then she would make this whole meal for the village.”

“I’ll have to thank her for teaching you the next time I see her,” you noted.

“Oh gods, if you ever tell her, she won’t stop talking about it. She loves you,” he laughed back.

You nodded lightly, smiling into the bite you took.

Things were always easy with Kai. He never asked questions that made you uncomfortable. He never seemed to want anything more than your time. You could joke with each other, and conversation was effortless. Time moved slower with him. The night waned as the sun set, the two of you finishing the entire plate of fish and all the sides. You both laid on the blanket, sprawling, looking up at the ceiling, laughing through hiccups as the fae wine spread through your bloodstreams.

____________________________________________________

“I swear,” Kai laughed out, “I’ve never seen him more angry.”

You coughed out a laugh, sitting up slightly. “He chased you naked through the woods?”

Kai closed his eyes, pressing his palms into them as he heaved out laughter. “I’ve never been more terrified in my life.”

“Why did he think you stole his clothes in the first place?”

Kai threw his hands up. “Fuck if I know,” he laughed. “He had it out for me from the beginning.”

“So what happened?” you asked, slurring your words.

“I climbed a tree, and he lost me,” he laughed. “He just wandered around, dick to the wind, threatening to skin me.”

You laughed at the sight of one of Kai’s friends, Liam, who often was the butt of jokes in the village but had grown into a handsome male lusted after by other village females.

“What happened after?” you asked.

Kai turned to his side, propping his head on his hand. “I waited until he left, and then when I got back home, he had thrown all my clothes into the trees.”

You guffawed, tears gathering in the corners of your eyes. You took the bottle of wine and brought it to your lips but found it empty. You turned it over and shook it, a sad frown on your face.

“Gone?” Kai asked.

You nodded.

Without knowing why, you let out a loud laugh, laying back as the bottle hit the floor. Kai smiled and started laughing too, the two of you almost howling as he looked at you. “What’s so funny?” he asked.

You managed to push out between laughs, “Your face!”

“What about my face?” he laughed.

“I can’t look at you without laughing,” you cried out, covering your own.

“What, am I that disgusting?” He punched your shoulder.

“No, you just—” you wheezed, looking at him again.

“What?” he asked, smiling widely.

You turned to him, your lips trembling as you tried to hold back laughter.

“You’re just looking at me?” Kai said.

“You have a silly face.”

Kai smiled slightly. “I have a silly face?” he taunted back.

You nodded, laughter bubbling up again.

“You’re so drunk,” he laughed.

“You’re drunk!” you pointed a finger, slightly off target.

“I know I’m drunk,” Kai responded, “and so are you. And you keep laughing at me because you’re cruel.”

“I wouldn’t be so cruel if you didn’t have such a face,” you laughed, drawing a lazy, squiggly circle around his face.

“I’m glad you find my appearance so amusing!” he laughed again, lying back on his back.

The two of you sat in a soft silence, still slightly gurgling out laughter.

Kai turned toward you, and you giggled, tears streaming down your face. “Are you done laughing at me?”

“Are you done looking like that?”

“What do you want from me, Y/N?” He chuckled. “I can’t change my face.”

“Then I guess I’m not done laughing.”

You turned to Kai, who smiled at you as you giggled, your hands resting on your stomach, rising and falling with your laughter.

“You’re a mystery,” Kai whispered.

“Ooo, spooky,” you responded, raising your fingers and wiggling them slightly.

“No, really,” Kai said. “You come out of the woods one day, say nothing about where you’re from.” He gestured to the fish. “You steal from us—”

You cut him off, “I bartered!” You laughed.

Kai laughed with you, continuing, “Okay, you participated in barter and trade, and then you disappear into the woods. Three weeks later, you come back up here demanding more and tell us nothing of who you are.”

You tried to hold back another laugh, looking at him as Kai raised himself from the ground to sit up, his legs crossed as he leaned his head against the wall.

“What do you want to know?” you asked.

“Anything you want to tell me. You can tell me whatever story you want, just tell me a little about the mysterious female in front of me.”

You hoisted yourself up, still laughing lightly. You swiped your finger through the juice of the berries in the bowl and sucked the sweetness from it. “Well, I was born from a dragon.”

“Obviously,” Kai said, “explains the scales and fire-breathing anger.” He joked.

“Of course,” you said, “and I spent my days plundering the cities of Prythian, wreaking havoc on innocent families, and flying to mountains to protect my treasures.”

Kai smiled and nodded. “And then you were cursed by a wizard?” he asked.

You shook your head, wagging your finger. “No, no, no, a witch. It was a witch.”

“Ah, yes,” he said. “A witch cursed you to be a female for the rest of your life.”

“Cursed to live in the woods for the rest of my days, never to know the speed of the wind and the glimmer of gold.”

“A tragic tale, to be sure,” Kai smirked.

You feigned a frown. “I cry myself to sleep every night.”

Kai smiled and leaned his head back, closing his eyes.

You looked at him, his peaceful face, and felt your inhibitions lower slightly. Pushing back the incessant pounding of your mate with it, you traced the floral patterns of the blanket and cleared your throat. “No, I—” you coughed, “I was born in Velaris.”

Kai opened one eye to look at you. “A city girl,” he smirked jokingly.

You let out a small giggle. “Not for long. My mother took me out of the city when I was still really young. We found a village in the woods, kind of like this, and she raised me there.”

Kai opened both eyes and jostled his feet. “What about your father?”

You shrugged.

“He’s a bastard?” he asked.

You shrugged again, a smirk on your face as the alcohol's warmth tingled in your toes. “Don’t know, never met him!”

Kai looked at you incredulously. “You don’t know your father?”

You wiggled your nose, numb from the wine. “My mother said he wanted nothing to do with us.”

Kai looked at you more seriously. “I’m so sorry.”

“Oh,” you slapped his leg playfully, “don’t get sappy. I don’t know the guy, so it doesn’t matter. I don’t feel like I’m missing anything.”

Kai started to giggle again. “I guess that’s true. Can’t miss what you don’t know.”

You started laughing again too. “Besides, what if he’s ugly?”

Kai guffawed, pushing tears away. “Then that would explain your ass face.”

You punched him in the thigh, and he cried out, “Ow, fuck, reign it in.”

“Pussy,” you joked. Kai rubbed his leg and smiled at you. “Sorry,” you apologized.

“Well, now you owe me, as I’m wounded. So how did you get here?” Kai asked.

You felt the words fall from your mouth faster than you could stop them. “I met my mate, who was sent straight from hell,” you pointed down to the ground, “and he was so fucking mean and took everything so seriously.” Kai’s face tightened slightly. “So I ran away from him, and I watched someone die, and then I met the High Lord of the Night Court, nice guy actually,” Kai seemed to straighten slightly. “And then I said goodbye, and went into the woods, and now I’m here.”

Kai looked at you, a serious tonal shift. “You have a mate?” He stammered, and got out, “The High Lord?”

You nodded, swaying slightly as you pointed to your head. “Still can hear him up here.”

“Y/N—” Kai started.

“Ugh,” you said, leaning back, “if you’re one of those traditional fae with a stick up their ass that thinks you have to stay with your mate, I don’t wanna hear it,” you slurred.

Kai leaned forward slightly. “No, no. I guess I just, I didn’t think that mates could be cruel to each other.”

You laughed slightly. “Oh, you are very wrong.” Kai paused, unsure of what to say. “You don’t need to pity me,” you said. “I should have seen it coming. He was shitty before we accepted the bond. I don’t know why I thought it would change after we were mated.” You picked a hangnail from your thumb.

“You’re brave,” Kai noted.

Kai watched you with intense curiosity as you shook your head, turning the corners of your mouth down. “I was desperate. Bravery didn’t have anything to do with it.” Kai didn’t respond, his eyes encouraging you to continue. “When I was a child, my mother would tell me stories about mates, about fae who loved each other so deeply they felt each other’s souls dancing with their own.” You looked at the ceiling, imagining the tales your mother spun. “These fae would spend their entire lives looking in the mirror and only see half of themselves looking back.” Your eyes traced the beams above you. “And then one day, they would find their mate, and suddenly,” you snapped your fingers, “the world was whole, and every piece of you suddenly made sense.”

Kai leaned forward, captivated. “She’d tell me how colors would be more vivid, food would taste better, heat would feel hotter and cold would feel colder, and the world would feel suddenly so much larger and yet so small.” You swallowed down the lump in your throat. “She would tell me this story about how, long before the world was as it is now, where clouds were made of fire and the mountains were tall enough to scrape the sky, long before the fae existed, there were these creatures who roamed the world.”

Kai’s eyes widened with interest. “Some of them looked like two males sewn up back to back, and those were the children of the sun. And the children of the world were two females meshed together. The children of the moon were a male and female. These creatures, they would spend their days talking, reading, and learning about the world around them. They were so happy to be alive. Every day they would thank the sun or the moon or the world just for being alive.” You envisioned these beings, with four arms and legs, wandering around the barren wasteland of the world, content with each other.

“And then,” you continued, “the gods grew jealous of the bond that the creatures had with each other. They never knew loneliness, sorrow, or anger; they had no fear.” Kai listened intently, shifting slightly to lean forward on his arms. “The gods worried that the creatures would disobey them and that if they had no fear and no worry of loss, they wouldn’t hesitate to battle them. The more the creatures talked, the more they began to question the gods' power over them. So the gods decided they would split the creatures into two, just cut them down the middle.” You made a slashing motion with your hand. “And so the gods made this plan, and they filled the sky with fire and ice, and they struck fear into the hearts of these creatures. As the fire rained down, they ripped the creatures apart with giant swords. When they were all separated, they blew a giant windstorm through and scattered the creatures and their partners across the world, threatening that if they ever defied them again, they would split them again, and they would have one arm and one leg.” You laughed slightly at the image.

“My mother would say that as the creatures tried to continue to live, they spent their lives roaming the earth searching for their other half. When they had children, and time continued on, they died out, but their children still searched for the other half, like that need was buried deep inside them. As the children had children, and their children had children, and then at some point, they gave birth to the fae. We carry that same need to search for this other half. And that’s our mate. When we find them, and that bond snaps, it’s because we have finally found our other half, and it’s a tiny act of defiance against the gods who taught us to hate, fear, and be angry. But also taught us to know love. She called it the origin of love”

Kai sat back, absorbing the story. “That’s...incredible,” he said softly. “I’ve never heard anything like it.”

You smiled, a bittersweet expression crossing your face. “My mother had a way of making everything sound magical.”

Kai reached out and gently touched your hand. “She gave you a beautiful gift with those stories.”

You nodded. “I think my mother just needed something to hold onto. I think...” you paused, “I think she was a very broken woman. And that if she could find this one piece of herself then everything would come together and be fine.” You felt a tear run down your face. “She would always tell me that if I found my mate someday, the world would be right.” You brushed the tear away, the alcohol still bubbling in your blood. “So when I met my mate, I just accepted the bond right away. I didn’t even think twice about it. I didn’t think the bond could be wrong; I just thought that if I loved him hard enough, he would be kind. Or that if I was his missing piece, it would just take some time for him to settle.” You shook your head, sniffling slightly, crossing your arms over your chest. “It’s just a stupid story. She got it wrong.”

Kai scooted closer to you. “Y/N, I’m sorry.”

You shrugged. “No reason to apologize. I was a child. I was a child when she told me that story, and I was a child when I accepted that bond. And now I have to live with that choice.”

Kai shook his head, looking downwards. “Does he know?”

“Who?” You asked, looking at Kai.

“Does your mate know where you are?”

You shook your head. “If he did, he would have come to take me back by now.”

Kai sat in silence, as did you, staring at the ceiling, trying to tame the tears that rolled down your cheeks.

“You said you met the High Lord? Is there nothing he could do?” Kai asked.

“I didn’t tell him,” you paused. “It wasn’t his concern.”

“It’s not your fault, Y/N. You shouldn’t have to live with this,” Kai pleaded.

“It was a foolish mistake. And believe me, I’ve looked into ways to split the bond. It’s not feasible.”

Kai sat for a second. “And you can still feel him?”

“Every day.” You blinked away another tear. “I can feel him scraping the inside of my mind, trying to get me to come home.”

“Do you talk to him?” he asked.

“I used to. Now I’ve stopped altogether.”

Kai nodded. “It’s not fair.”

You chuckled. “Out of all the unfairness in the world, my mated mistake is the least of the problems.”

Kai shook his head. “You’re allowed to be angry. And you’re allowed to say it’s not fair.”

You raised your brows. “I know. And I am angry. But I’ve seen a lot more hurtful things than to wallow in my own suffering anymore.”

Kai crawled over to you, positioning his chest slightly above your own. “Your suffering is important to me.” You looked up at him, his hair hanging down in his face. “I may not know it myself, and I may not be able to feel it, but never in a hundred lifetimes do you deserve to be tormented.”

You opened your mouth slightly, but Kai cut you off. “I don’t want to hear you deny it. I care about you, and I wish it could be different.”

“It can’t,” you said back.

“But it doesn’t mean I can’t wish it for you. Even if you’ve stopped.”

You smiled up at him, as his green eyes traced your own. Kai didn’t say anything, merely gazing down at you, his eyes softening slightly as he took one hand and ran his fingers through your hair. And then, without thinking, you started to laugh again, uncontrollably. Kai simply rolled his eyes and rolled off you onto his back.

“You’re a child,” he scolded you. You continued to laugh until your stomach ached and at some point, Kai joined in on your laughter, bellowing out joy until the late hours of the night.

To my lovely readers, I'm not apologizing for writing men into my world that I would throw myself at immediately. Throwing feminism to the wind, I will drop everything to wife that man up. And yet, I warn you to not get attached, because the only person who can hurt you is yourself... and also me..... @thatacotargirl @mcuamerica @lilah-asteria @florabelll @fightmedraco @marvelbros-oneshots @mariahoedt @quinzzelx @romantasyreader28 @minnieoo @mysteriouslydeafeningwerewolf @annabethgranger123 @krowiathemythologynerd @scatteredstardustt @romantacyreader28 @caroline-books @slytherintaco @sevikas-whore @sidthedollface2 @405rry @sleepylunarwolf @acourtofbatboydreams @quiettuba @julesofvolterra @skylarkalchemist @darling006

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yan-san-yan · 1 year

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A deep-dive into Luka as a kid with anger issues.

For a long time now I believe Luka used to have anger issues as a child, because he didn’t know how to deal with the emotions he sense from others due to his incredibly high emotional awareness and empathic nature. He also struggled with expressing himself and finding himself due to being the only male in the family and feeling the need to protect his younger sister and pirate mom. I feel like he would also not have been violent or explosive about it but it was the one thing he knew how to express as a child.

Here is a bit of Luka backstory + character arc timeline for my headcanon of why he would have anger issues and why it makes sense:

Emotional Intelligence: Luka's heightened emotional awareness and empathic nature could be both a gift and a burden. As a young child with an unusual upbringing (a mother like Anarka + being single mom that may have ended up neglecting her children, especially Luka as Juleka might have required a bit more attention) this leads to Luka being affected by his environment and other external factors that could have added pressure onto him while it should have been a time for a child to learn and grow and just be allowed to be a kid. He constantly absorb the emotions of those around him, listening to what was being said, leading to a sense of overwhelming pressure and confusion. This emotional overload could be challenging for him to process and manage effectively.

Emotional Sensitivity: Luka's heightened emotional intelligence and empathy make him highly sensitive to the emotions of others. This sensitivity could become overwhelming for him as a child, leading to difficulties in managing his own emotions.

Difficulty Expressing Himself: Luka has always been the feel and act type of bye, often struggling with communication as words have never been his strong suit, instead sticking to his music and express himself through his craft. The kid even started calling people’s true emotions/true selves “heart songs”. One reason for his struggle with expressing himself could stem from feeling the need to protect his younger sister (twin or not) and irresponsible mother. As the only male in the family, he might have internalized a sense of responsibility, which lead to suppressing his own emotions and needs. This creates inner conflicts and make it challenging for him to find his voice. Normally it wouldn’t have been that much of a problem, but since he already comes from a somewhat dysfunctional family with police involvement, finances that he took cake off and a sister that is a victim of bully at school, Luka feels a strong sense of responsibility and need to grow up fast and take care of his family. This results in the emotions he picks up from around him becomes a added stress factor to him at times.

Protective Nature: Luka's eventual anger issues could arise from a deep-rooted desire to protect those he cares about, such as his family. I personally think the Couffaine siblings didn’t have a lot of friends growing up, only having each other which would also enhanced this protective nature of his. Luka feels a strong sense of responsibility for the family’s well-being, which leads to frustration when he perceives their safety or happiness as threatened. I can see it being very frustrating to feel helpless against a situation where cops are involved and seeing people pick on your family/mother for being different and doing what they believe. As a child it may be hard to understand when your loved ones (mother) is sometimes in the wrong and it leaves him wondering why people are so cruel to pick a fight and argue with Anarka. Luka despise people ganging up on one person and in addition to his sister being bullied it makes him even more furious to see people oppressing the weak/minority. It teaches him how unfair the world is from an early age.

Anger as a Defense Mechanism: As a child, Luka might not have possessed the emotional maturity or communication skills necessary to effectively express his protectiveness and concerns. His inability to convey his emotions in a constructive manner could result in bursts of anger or frustration. His keen sense of justice and upbringings of having a pirate-like mom greatly affected this. I wouldn’t put it past Anarka to preach about standing up to what is right and to fight back when being oppressed or targeted. She may not have been the greatest role model in how to act and resort conflicts which means Luka had to learn the hard way. On an additional note, Luka's anger issues might have also developed as a defense mechanism to cope with the overwhelming influx of emotions from others. When faced with an overload of emotions, he could have resorted to anger as a way to protect himself and his family or create a barrier. I am not talking about screaming or throwing a fit whenever, but rather being unapproachable, giving harden glares and even fight if he sees his sisters being picked by other kids. Luka would be quick to act and give in to his grudge and wrath. Luka’s anger isn’t very loud even if his music may be, both as a child and as a teen.

Domino effect: Also he might have had a hard time distinguishing others emotions from his own, like if a room is full of depressed people it has a domino effect. Especially empaths have to be extra careful to separate the emotions they sense from others with their own and also learn to let those feelings go instead of keeping them. A difficult feat for a child.

Reflective Nature: Through trial and error Luka would soon learn the issue with expressing his anger at the injustice and his integrity of “the truth over all” at the world. His talent for reflection would make him introspective and thoughtful. He possess the ability to analyze situations, emotions, and relationships, allowing him to gain insights and learn from his experiences. Usually reflecting when he is plucking the strings of his guitar. Music is a great source for him to relax and to take a breather. To gain new perspectives and a good outlet for him.

Reasoned Decision-Making: Luka's ability to see reason would make him adept at evaluating different perspectives and making rational decisions. He would consider logic, empathy, and the greater good, allowing him to navigate complex situations and conflicts. I can see Anarka giving the occasional wise advice to him and Juleka help him realize that he doesn’t need to be strong for all of them, that they all can share some of that weight and be stronger together.

Learning from Mistakes: Luka's growth-oriented mindset would enable him to recognize and acknowledge his own mistakes. Instead of dwelling on failures, he would use them as opportunities for growth and personal development. He would actively seek to understand the lessons within each experience. This is ruled to protect his loved ones by becoming the diplomat, the supporter and the bridge between his loved ones and to the world.

Personal Development: As Luka matures and learns to control his anger, he becomes more introspective and develop strategies to cope with his emotions. He would develop a greater sense of self, discovering his values, aspirations, and passions. This growth would help him find his purpose and contribute to his overall character. Believing in his integrity of honesty and that by focusing on that instead of acting out of anger, he will start resorting more to communication and emit a calm and positive outlook. By being patient and honest he finds himself being more listened to. It may not solve all his problems but it makes great progress. This leads to personal growth, further self-reflection, and a greater understanding of himself. Or developing coping mechanisms that allow him to navigate his empathic nature effectively. Hence he becomes the loving supportive character we know him as in the show and even the go-to-therapist friend.

Meditation as a new Coping Mechanism: Recognizing the need for emotional balance and control, Luka could have discovered meditation as a way to calm his mind, regulate his own emotions. It would provide him with a tool to process and channel the emotions he absorbs from others.

Inner Harmony: Through regular meditation practice, Luka could have learned to find inner peace and harmony within himself. It would allow him to center his emotions, understand his own feelings better, and navigate the emotional challenges he faces. His reflective nature would extend to his emotional intelligence, where he would both have a deep understanding of his own emotions and be attuned to the feelings of others. This awareness would contribute to his growth and allow him to build meaningful connections with those around him. Which helps balance his exceptionally high EQ.

Positive Role Model: Luka's journey of overcoming anger issues and change in behaviour and suddenly being more approachable could serve as an inspiration to others who may be dealing with similar challenges. It could teach them the importance of seeking help, finding healthy outlets for their emotions, and growing as individuals. This is where his new responsibility of the go to guy begins, a positive change that will eventually become a burden.

Empathy as Strength: Luka emotional awareness and empathic nature becomes a source of strength for him instead of the source of his stress. He learns to channel his empathy into supporting and understanding others, fostering deep connections and friendships. It makes him more compassionate, patient, and supportive towards those who are also dealing with emotional difficulties. This could highlight the importance of empathy and emotional intelligence as valuable qualities. Which leads us to the next problem.

Supporting Character (Complexity and new issues): Luka's selflessness shapes the relationships with others. It helps with strengthening bonds and create deep connections as people appreciate his caring nature, but it could also lead to challenges when his own needs are overlooked or unacknowledged. Luka's personal development have a significant impact on the relationships he has with others so it will take a long time before this issue is addressed, or when even he realizes this.

Exploration: This involve exploring his own identity and finding a sense of self amid his familial responsibilities. He might feel torn between fulfilling his protective role and discovering his own passions, interests, and aspirations. This may eventually lead to internal conflicts and a quest for self-discovery in the future. This does not mean he has identity issues of low self-esteem. He is stuck in the responsibility role due to circumstances.

Self-Sacrifice: Luka's tendency to prioritize others lead him to self-sacrifice, putting the needs and well-being of his loved ones above his own. He might willingly set aside his own desires and ambitions to ensure the happiness and support of those around him.

Emotional Support: As stated earlier Luka naturally become a reliable and compassionate source of emotional support for his friends and family. The person others turn to in times of need, knowing he will be there to listen and provide comfort and new sets of perspectives, to empathize with their struggles, and offer thoughtful insights. Which position him as a mentor or guide to other characters. Luka’s wisdom and ability to see reason would make a valuable source of advice and support, offering guidance to those who may be struggling with their own challenges. While this deepens his connections and foster a sense of trust and understanding it becomes a problem with his habit of….

Neglecting Personal Needs: Luka's focus on caring for others might result in him neglecting his own needs and desires. He could put aside his own emotional struggles or dreams, not wanting to burden others or divert attention away from them.

Struggles with Self-Worth: Luka's selfless nature may lead to internal conflicts and struggles with self-worth. He might feel that his value is now tied to how much he can do for others, and without that, he may question his own significance or purpose. Perhaps it’s a fear of losing control of his emotions, to feel the anger that is brewing inside him, or simply just a fear of not being able to protects those he loves.

Moments of Vulnerability: Despite being there for others, Luka struggle with expressing his own vulnerabilities and seeking help when he needs it. Juleka may be the only person he gets to truly be transparent with. His journey could involve learning to open up, trust others with his own struggles, and seek support when necessary.

Finding oneself: Even though Luka has come a long way, he hasn’t been following his own advice, he is not as kind to himself as he is to others. I personally think it’s not because he isn’t trying, but because no one ever offers to lend an ear to him (outside of Juleka). For instance others may think that the calm, patient Luka couldn’t possibly be struggling or needing advice when he always have a solution to a problem. So why wouldn’t he have one for himself then? He may have tried to talk about it but his voice was drowned out by other’s needs or they might have talked over him or simply not payed attention since they wouldn’t expect him to feel that way. Luka's character development could involve learning healthy boundaries and understanding that self-care and self-prioritization are necessary for his own well-being. And put distance between his feelings and others and that it’s okay to say no. Through personal growth and support from those around him, he could come to realize that taking care of himself is not selfish but essential.

Luka's anger issues isn’t fully gone (possibly) as it may arise from a tendency to suppress his emotions, especially if he feels the need to be strong and dependable for his family. Holding in the emotions for an extended period could lead to occasional outbursts or difficulty managing his anger when someone he cares about is threatened. Silencer and migration is a perfect example of that.

Overall, I think this backstory would provide Luka with a compelling arc of growth, self-discovery, and emotional mastery. It showcases his resilience, empathy, and determination to overcome obstacles, while also emphasizing the importance of emotional well-being and self-care.

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psychicreadsgirl · 11 months

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Kim Taehyung (BTS V) 2023 - 2024 Love Reading

From 2023 - 2024, there will continue to be news about Taehyung's love life like more photos of him and Jennie will come out or people finding out they attended the same events. Their relationship isn't one that's super serious. It's more of a playful type of relationship and it's one that's more or less open. They don't think too much about the far future when they are together. In a way, I see this relationship as more of a PR stunt now. Well it did become known to the public in a way that they both didn't want to be known, they've both chosen to use this to gain attention. I don't sense much hate from people generally (besides some of their more intense fans that cannot take them dating anyone and some are still in denial).

I don't really see these two reaching the point of marriage. If they do end up marrying each other, there are more chances of them separating or divorcing. They will reach a breaking point around mid 2024 or late 2024 for their relationship; that is a time where it's more likely that they will break up. Tensions will arise more in 2024 from both ends as both have issues with their careers (that may not be known to the world). It could be problems with coworkers/staff/bosses or just overall feeling that their career isn't going the way they want it or just not advancing like their peers/others around them. Generally during this period both of them face obstacles/challenges in their careers, which could be unexpected setbacks like injuries, cancellation of events due to circumstances that are out of their control, or difficulty working with other staff/teams due to possibly miscommunication etc.

Jennie's mental health is rather frail these days and will continue to be on the weaker side throughout 2023 and 2024. She needs a lot of support and encouragement. She can exude more negativity than usual when interacting with others, like she can complain more or talk about the same issues over and over again. This can cause friends/others to feel tired of her, especially when they feel like Jennie has more going on than them in life. Jennie will need Taehyung to be there to support her, which is difficult given his career and his personality. He is not the most patient/attentive partner and isn't the type to hand hold someone. While he may listen to her frustrations/complaints a few times, he will shut her down if she continues to complain or "whine" or say the same things over and over again. When that happens, Jennie will feel very isolated and feel that he doesn't understand her. She may reach out to other guy friends for support or to cause Taehyung to get jealous/give more attention on her. This will likely not do much for Taehyung and he will instead find that she is behaving immaturely. When Taehyng is unable to give the emotional support she needs/attention that she seeks, their relationship will sour.

Taehyung's focus these days is not on love but on his career. While he will continue to go on dates with Jennie, he sees being with Jennie as advantageous for his career. It is not to say that he is simply dating her for clout, but he sees benefits to dating her. Jennie knows a lot of people and has connected Taehyung to her circle of friends. Taehyung is hoping to use these new connections to advance in his career. You will see that their friend circles have become intertwined through social media posts etc. Taehyung's ultimate goal is to get his foot in the door for acting. He is very envious of his actor friends and really wants to get into acting. He's not that interested in his music career anymore. To be frank he has always seen music as a stepping stone to get into acting. Unfortunately for the next few years, his chances in acting are on the lower side and if he does score an acting gig, he will struggle with performing the role well. The script for what he's cast in is also not ideal.

Given that Taehyung's focus is on his career, he will likely not be able to give Jennie the attention and time that she wants in a relationship. Taehyung prefers more group dates than one-on-one dates like dates where his friends and her friends are also there. Jennie prefers more one-on-one dates. She really needs a lot of care and attention in a relationship. She will likely compare Taehyung with her exes like her exes did this for her on her birthday so how come Taehyung didn't do this or that etc. Or how come Taehyung did this for his ex and then didn't do the same or even more for Jennie? Over time she will feel like he is not putting in the effort in the relationship nor is he spoiling her in the relationship. Jennie likes to feel like a queen/princess in a relationship, which Taehyung is unlikely to give to her. Taehyung, as said before, isn't really the caring/super attentive type in a relationship. He prefers having someone that cares for him, supports him, but also doesn't control him and is more independent.

Jennie is quite dependent and clingy in a relationship. She wants texts to be answered immediately. She wants daily calls/Face time. She wants to know what he's up to in the moment etc. Taehyung isn't the type to respond to texts so fast or want to report to someone. He's more carefree and hates to feel like he's on a leash/tied down.

Both of them are unlikely to change or to try to work their differences out for the relationship to work in the long run. Right now is a honeymoon phase, but later they will realize that they are not compatible in a relationship. The physical attraction is there but emotionally/mentally there's a big gap between them.

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mytheoristavenue · 2 years

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ST Jonathan Byers x Reader - Obnoxious

Warnings: intoxication, underaged drinking, angst, abandonment

Summary: You convince Jonathan to sneak out with you to go to a Halloween party. (Season two spoilers!)

“This is a bad idea.” Jonathan whispered, his usual casually panicked demeanor playing on his features.

“Oh, grow a pair, Byers.” you retorted, crouching around the framing of the staircase that connected the two stories of your home. Finding your father asleep on the couch, you grinned, and turned back to your best friend. “It’s a great idea, wanna know why?”

He sighed, rolling his eyes, knowing exactly what you’d say. “Because you came up with it?”

“Because I came- yeah! You’re learning, good for you!”

He rolled his eyes again. “What if we get caught?”

“Puh-lease. Your mom has been begging you to go out and have some fun, you really think she’ll care if you go to a little party?” you asked, cocking a brow.

“Oh, yeah, my mom’ll give me a weird look and then your dad with bury me in the back yard and build a patio on top of my bones.” You simply hushed him and instructed him to follow you around the corner, through the living room, right passed your dad.

You were a complicated topic for Jonathan. He hated the situations you put him in, but he couldn’t tell you no. The two of you weren’t dating, the farthest thing from. Whenever the question would arise, the two of you would just sputter out excuses for why you found the other revolting. And you were revolting to him, with you gross sense of humor, your snaggle toothed smile, and snorty laugh.

Regardless, he he was, stopping on the side of a desolate road, on the left side of his car, hastily shimmying into an embarrassingly short pair of shorts that came with the Camp Crystal Lake Councilor costume you’d force him to wear, all the while, having to restrain himself from glancing at you, doing the same on the other side of the car.

“There’s no way I’m wearing this in public.” he retorted, settling back into the drivers seat. “My dick is longer than these shorts.” You snorted at him.

“So, either you’re exaggerating the length of the shorts, or admit to having a micro penis, either way, that's embarrassing for you.”

“Shut up.”

Minutes later, the car screeched to a halt in from of a busy suburban home. Lights and music streamed out of the windows and party goers occupied space in hoards. You were ecstatic for your first party, especially attending with one of the closest people in your life. Classmates stared as the pair of you walked into the house, and through the various rooms, trying to find your place among the crowd.

Suddenly, you heard a feminine voice call out from the kitchen, making it’s way over to you. “Jonathan! Hey, I’m so glad you came!” Your smile faltered as Nancy slipped passed other teenagers into your view. Jonathan seemed to perk up instantly.

“Nancy, hey what’s up?”

“Oh, (Y/N), I’m sorry, I totally didn’t even see you.” she smiled, wrapping her arms around you, causing you to back away from the contact. “Oh my gosh you guys are too cute! The Jason kids, right?”

You rolled your eyes. “Camp Crystal Lake Councilors.” you corrected. She was obviously wasted, and judging by the stain on her shirt, you guessed that she’d been unsupervised. As if on que, Jonathan seemed to take note of the stain, as well as her swaying movement.

“Woah, Nanc, you okay?” he asked, caringly reaching out, laying his hands on her shoulders to stabilize her.

“Yeah, I’m fine. My boyfriend’s a dick, and left me here, but now you’re here.” she replied, running through the full range of emotions during her sentence, ending with a blissful fondness. “I have a headache.” she mumbled, dropping her head on his chest.

Your blood boiled in your chest, watching her fall all over him, and watching him cater to her in a way he never would for you. You knew it was unfair to be angry with her. She was intoxicated, and a victim of abandonment. That didn’t make it hurt any less.

“Listen, (Y/N), I’ve gotta go,” Jonathan said sorely. Your heart sank with disappointment.

“W-What...?” you asked, tears brimming your eyes, intending to say more, but just lacking the heart to go on.

“I’m really sorry, I should really take Nanc home.” he apologized, his brows knitting together, as he hoisted the drunk girl’s arm over his shoulders to carry her away.

“But...how am I gonna get home..?” you asked, not actually caring about that, but more about his promise to spend Halloween with you.

“It’ll come back for you after the party ends, I promise. Just try to have fun while I’m gone.”

With little left to argue, Jonathan was already dragging his love interest toward the door, her knight in red short shorts. Red short shorts that you’d made from scratch.

As soon as you were sure his car was gone, your fists clenched. You stormed off to the kitchen, harshly snatching a solo cup from the stack on the table and dipping it it into the punch bowl, before throwing it back. One drink turned into a few and soon, the level of the punch in bowl was too low to dip your cup into. Cursing your best friend’s name, you threw open the fridge door, unbothered by the clinking of glass containers in the door as it slammed into the wall. Angrily, you hoarded as many cans of beer you could fit into your purse before deciding it was time to leave.

The outdoor air was cooler than you remembered it being earlier in the evening. Frankly, you weren’t even sure how much time had passed, nor did you care. You just wanted to get home. Pulling a can out of your pause, you guzzled a bit of it down, before cringing at the taste. You’d never had actual beer before, and you obviously were not a fan. You tossed the can at a passing car in distain, before crumbling to sit beneath a street light.

The screech of brakes pulled you out of your dramatic self pity as you realized that the car had stopped, and the owner was getting out. “Shit.” you mumbled, standing up in defense, to run or to fight, you didn’t know.

“Hey, What the fuck! Who the f- (Y/N)?” You focused on the infuriated man to recognize him as..,Jonathan? His brows raised, as he began to jog over to you. “What the hell are you doing out here, (Y/N), you should be at the party.” he asked, concerned.

“You should be at the party.” you spat. He sighed.

“Be fair, I couldn’t just leave her there.” he explained. “She was in danger.”

“I don’t care about that.” you sniffled, rubbing your eyes, dropping back down onto the side walk.

“(Y/N), what are you talking about?” You tugged on his jeans, not looking up at him, still rubbing your eye.

“You went home to change.” Jonathan dropped his head in shame.

“Yeah...I did.”

“You said you’d come back after you dropped Nancy off.”

“I did.”

“You’re a liar, Jonathan.” You spat. “You lie about everything!” Jonathan sighed, sitting down beside you.

“I know.”

“You’re a jerk.”

“I know.” he replied, waiting for your to get everything out of your system. This was how all your arguments went. “Anything else?” He was surprised to hear you fall silent, ending the barrage of mild middle school insults. “(Y/N)?” As you choked out a few sobs that you’d been holding onto, Jonathan’s head snapped to your direction as he threw his arms around you. “Hey, hey, hey, what’s the matter?”

“You still love her..” you sobbed, cradling your head in your knees. “You love her and I want you to love me!”

“(Y/N), you’re drunk, you don’t mean that.” he whispered, dismissing your confession.

“Yes I do!” you shouted, unravelling the ball you’d rolled yourself into. “I crave your attention, Jonathan! I want you to look at me the way you look at Nancy. But I settle.”

“Settle for what?” he asked cautiously.

“For your time.” you responded weakly, wiping your tears away. “Any sliver of time that i can convince you to spend with me. Hell, Jon, I spent two weeks making these stupid costumes just or you to wear it for an hour and bitch the whole time!” your head fell back into your arms as you began to sob again.

Suddenly you felt a weight on your shoulders, and you were enveloped in Sherpa warmth. Looking up, you found yourself blanketed by Jonathan’s jacket as he looked up at the sky.

“You’re dead wrong, as usual.” he smiled softly. “I’m not in love with Nancy. Do I still like her? Sure. Would I take the chance if she asked? Absolutely. But she’s not at the top of my list.”

“W-Who is?” you asked, sniffling.

“Just this obnoxious girl, she’s so annoying. She begs be to give her homework answers, shows up at my house just to bug me, and if I’m not home, she swaps embarrassing stories with my mom.” Now sure he has your captive attention, he turned his gaze back to you, looking deeply into your eyes. “And she spent two weeks making us Halloween costumes, just to drag me to a party I didn’t want to go to.”

“You love me...?” you asked, a hint of wonder in your tone.

“Duh, I figured it’d be obvious.” he chuckled. “Why else would I let you get me into trouble so often?” You giggle a bit, hugging him. “Now, can I take you home? It’s cold as shit out here.”

It wasn’t long before Jon’s car was entering your block. He smiled softly at you sleeping soundly in his passenger seat, his coat still draped over you. As he approached your driveway, he cut off his headlights, so as not to wake your parents. Just as he parked into the drive way and disembarked, he only got as far as your door before the sound of the garage door rolling up startled him. Behind it, sat your father, who already had a strong distain for Jonathan, sitting in a wooden chair, with a baseball bat.

“Son, you’ve got a lot of explaining to do.”

Hey, if you liked this, and possibly want to check out some more NSFW Jonathan content, check out Lace! I worked really hard on this one, and it got lost in the algorithm, so if you’d check it out, I'd deeply appreciate it!

#stranger things #jonathan byers x reader #jonathan byers #nancy wheeler #jonathan stranger things

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griffin-wood · 9 months

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moments. kent x maia.

pov: kaia gets their song at the eras tour.

they were seated on nosebleeds, further away from the stage due to the last minute tickets they found. and maia with a hidden fear of heights, is holding onto Kent's hand most of the time.

However, by the time the show begins she's better. She coped, sing and danced happily with him. And now, after a while - it's surprise song o'clock.

"it's time!" She exclaims excitedly as she watches Taylor begins to start the section.

And 'our song' begins to play as she claps excitedly, she have been playing this song for a while in Kent's mustang. She smiles as she glance over him who sings along also, despite not as enthusiastic, but she appreciates the effort either way.

After the first song played, she waited in anticipation. Earlier today, on the car ride to the stadium.

Kent is driving smoothly, as they say in traffic for a while to find a good spot to park. She turns up the radio, and this time; it played one of the familiar kaia tunes, it's their song, you are in love.

"okay, if taylor ever played this song as a surprise song. I think I might cry or maybe do an impulsive thing like get a tattoo or something." She says as she sings along, while Kenzie joining in too.

At this point, Kent already knows the lyrics and the song fully. When they first begin to get together, she introduces this song to him and it's their song. Since then, it become a vital part in their life, well their love-life. Even the pups are familiar with it, when they played it around the house. She would listen to him hum it around the house, and her lips perked up in interest and amusement and well, love as well.

As they arrived at the stadium, both of them grab an immediate lunch in the car. Some good soul food before a concert, an energy booster before the concert starts. A few hours later, they're both already in the stadium; very high above.

Nosebleeds are what they could afford at the very last minute, and it feels like watching a sea of emotion. She has quite.. an anxious feeling towards height.

"okay, the first time being on nosebleeds - I didn't realize it'll too high from the videos." She tries to chuckle to cover up her nerves.

Kent immediately takes her hand, giving them three squeezes but didn't pull away too. As her anxiousness has worn down a little, waiting in their seats together. And then it happened, the countdown and anticipation filled the stadium, as maia prepares herself in every way she could. She knew what to expect, they have went the first time...and this time, should not be that different. But, the energy is new. She loves it, as the music begin and she sings as loud as she could with Kent joining beside her. He didn't scream the songs like her, but he joins in like a good sport. Speaking of good sports, before their first concert; she made him a binder of lyrics and educate him about the tour, despite the eyebrow raises and the amused smile on his face. He was indeed a good sport, and the efforts are seen here when he sings along as well in his own comforting way. His eyes does land on her most of the time, a small Kent-ese smiles occurred in happiness seeing Maia like this, alive and free.

The hours goes by quickly, and the moment they have waiting for has arrived or known as the surprise song hours. She has been manifesting it since their first show, and now...it's time. After 'our song' played, the anticipation arises as the piano notes filled her eardrums, trying to recognize the tune. She turns to look at Kent, trying to decipher it until... the first lyric was sung.

One look, dark room.

And that was enough to bring her into an emotional spiral, as she sings along with Kent. Having their song to be heard live was something she never expected, but she hoped that it could be a reality someday, somehow and they got it. Their song is playing, as she feels her eyes begin to water at the notes and the lyrics. She wraps her arms around Kent, as they both sing; needing something to hold onto at least.

The chorus begins to hit them both along with the echo that Taylor and the rest of the crowd is singing, however in the moment it feels like they are singing to each other within the comfort of their own home together. The familiar tune that has become theirs, it feels surreal to her.

You can hear it in the silence, silence, you

You can feel it on the way home, way home, you

You can see it with the lights out, lights out

You are in love, true love.

She's definitely in love, very much so with the person she is with today. And she could not have this moment tonight if it weren't for him (and ferro as well, for the query searching help to find good tickets.) As the song reach its final chorus, she is singing it with the rest of the crowd, as Kent plays the boyfriend duty capturing everything including a tear stricken maia in the crowd.

The applause brings her back to reality. A new memory have been engraved in her mind with the love of her life. She turns to face him, despite the darkness and the only light was the glow of their entry bracelets lighting up within the beat of the new song, she could not take her eyes off of him - a smile, as she pulls him close. Her arms wrapped around him, into an embrace as she whispers.

"Thank you for this." The words feels small, yet it hold such a meaning as Kent returns the gesture wiping the tears away with his thumb gently. He didn't say much, yet she knows in those silence; there's a lot of love within it for her in his own way. And she felt it, the love within his actions as he holds her close throughout the final set of the concert, singing and humming together against the rest of the crowd.

The night ends beautifully, as this adventure can be written in the books for one maia wiseman and kent himself. It was indeed a good memory together, that's compiled with the rest of their moments together. just them.

THE END.

#alya writes #kent x maia #when life gives you lemons; go write your comfort pairing doing the most wholesome thing #i miss them and have them in my mind lately #got this idea from tik tok and well the eras tour itself heh #<33 #i do miss writing might come back for the bobby/lya wip weehee

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miashyperfixations · 1 year

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EMLYN: NO-ONE CAME TO GRIEVE UK/EU TOUR

30.03.2023 @ The Deaf Institute, Manchester (250 Capacity)

Written April 2023

This was my second show at The Deaf Institute and Emlyn’s first show in Manchester however, this is her last show of the tour with only 2 other dates in London & Berlin, similar to the Dylan show I saw there. There was a Paris show when the tour was announced, but that was cancelled due to another opportunity arising for her album release. Emlyn’s alt-pop sound is a mixture of all of my music tastes - think Demi Lovato's 'confident' era pop anthems meets Taylor Swift's reputation era style mixed with Sabrina Carpenter's heartbreak lyricism.

I started listening to Emlyn’s music mid-pandemic and wanted to go to her album release show in London in the early summer of 2022. However, it clashed with my GCSEs, so I wasn’t able to go. This time, the minute she announced this tour, I made plans to go and was also able to book tickets for her meet & greet before the concert and talk to her, buy merch & have a full conversation with the opening act, Beth Mcarthy.

Her set was amazing, I had only listened to a few of her songs a couple of days beforehand, and what I heard was great. She also played an unreleased song and a cover of Billie Eilish’s ‘Happier Than Ever’. Something I found interesting is that she interacted with the sound tech at the back right beforehand whilst on stage, asking for alterations in her IEMs and double-checking the sound on her guitar. We then saw Emlyn’s band come on to double-check their instruments and IEMs inbetween sets and could see them alter a few monitors/boxes on stage & see the guitarist set up and soundcheck. In the intermission between sets my sister approached Emlyn’s manager to say potentially have a chat and say hi but Emlyn was due to come on stage very soon so told her he'd be hanging around after the show so we could come and find him then. The set itself was absolutely incredible. As I said earlier, I've wanted to see Emlyn live for a while now, and she didn't disappoint. If the fact that she had an entire set of belters and vocally challenging songs wasn't enough, her stage presence clearly showed that she's a pop powerhouse. The emotionally vulnerable lyrics of her ‘sad bitch anthems’ perfectly opposed her 'no-remorse bad bitch' anthems and encapsulated her message that it's okay to be a mess and a badass at the same time. After one of her most emotional songs 'Change For Me' the crowd (including us) held up flowers & pictures of her younger self with sweet messages for her to show her that she isn't alone. The transitions between songs were particularly interesting as some of them were medleys of other songs she didn’t play but had the same themes/vibes of those that she did play. Although I didn’t necessarily relate to any of her songs, it was fun to sing along in a room full of those that did and see how much Emlyn has impacted them/their lives.

After the concert, we weren’t expecting her manager to remember us since we assumed he’d be distracted by work, so we were a little surprised when he came out from backstage and walked directly towards us. We had a full conversation with him as I'm considering going into a music business course post-college, and my sister wants to go into graphic design, specifically in the music industry. He gave us a lot of advice about the industry as a whole and a few specific notes into specific sectors. He seemed really enthusiastic talking to us about it. We were really glad that he took the time to talk to us and have a proper conversation with us.

One of my favourite things about Emlyn is that she’s currently working on her 3rd album yet is still almost entirely independent, working most of the time with just her manager and producer. She’s been in the music industry , working with her manager as a songwriter for almost 6 years, only pursuing a solo career for the last 3 The fact that she’s persevered and stayed chasing her dream just shows how determined she is and how much potential she has to be one of the next biggest names in pop.

I know that I said Dylan @ the o2 institute was my favourite concert, but this one definitely takes the top spot - I love this venue and to see my 3rd top artist of 2022 (below 5 Seconds Of Summer & Taylor Swift) at the Deaf Institute was the best birthday experience I could've ever imagined & I can't wait to hear her next album sometime this year.

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teaandcartography · 3 months

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March 18th, 2024 - What am I doing?

Many times I’ve attempted to write a blog like this, and every time I gave up because it genuinely felt like I was essentially just talking to a wall. I don’t have a lot of friends, never have. My social circles have always been so small and I’ve always felt so lonely, so occasionally I think about just venting online in the hopes that someone will hear me. I really wonder how so many people are okay with being alone, spending time with themselves and never getting bored. If I don’t reach out to a friend for over an hour, I feel like I might go insane.

We sometimes associate “being alone” with “being lonely,” and it is important to realize that there is a difference between those two. Being “alone” is a physical state where you are physically by yourself. Being “lonely” is an emotional state where you are feeling alone or disconnected from others – even when they’re right next to you. Sometimes we are happy to be by ourselves, and sometimes we wish for the company of others. –Sharon Melin, MA, Outpatient Therapist.

Hell, I like being alone sometimes. To just be able to listen to my music and do whatever I feel like doing. But soon enough I get bored of my own company and need someone to bounce off of in a conversation, or to simply have another presence in the room with me. So I tend to reach out to a friend in the hopes for a nice, entertaining, and active conversation about whatever. But being an adult with adult friends, not everyone has time to immediately respond. That’s when loneliness kicks in.

I never blamed my friends for prioritising their life, in fact, I want them to prioritise their own life the same way I want to prioritise mine. But what I struggle with the most is that in loneliness, my priority is to find a connection with someone close to me. I’ve never been close to my family, so sitting down in the living room and telling my parents about what triggered my depression, or my opinions on a TV-show I recently watched, is a genuine struggle. They don’t understand, it’s simply a matter of being born and raised in a different generation. I’ve yet to fully accept that.

So naturally, I try to reach out to my best friends, or one of the three. And then more struggles arise:

N says, “Sorry, I’m already hanging out with my boyfriend,” which has turned into her standard reply for everything. It’s gotten to a point where I feel like asking her to hang out is pointless, so I stopped doing it. And it genuinely upsets me that she prioritises her boyfriend over her best friend whom she has known since 2012.

T has recently been broken up with. I never liked his girlfriend anyway, but I want him to take the time and space he needs to recover from that. But even before the breakup, he and I struggled to spend time together because his now ex-girlfriend was always jealous of me. (It’s a long story.)

J lives on the other side of the globe and works night shifts. Plus, he’s very active in helping his family with running errands, and he’s studying to chase his dream career. A good person all-in-all, but always busy and preoccupied. Besides, it doesn’t help that I am madly in love with him and I feel like if I double-texted him, I’ll come across as clingy and annoying. (Though he has always told me to reach out to him if I need him, I can’t shake this fear of abandonment if I text him one time too often.)

Of course, I have other connections who you could consider to be in the realm of “friends” as well, but spending time with them often feels emotionally draining (unlike the people mentioned above.) Rarely I have the energy to just hop into a Discord voice chat and deal with the chaos of 4-5 other people joining and talking over one another. Can you tell that I’m the wallflower at parties?

Also, I should probably mention that while writing these paragraphs, I am also doing my research on these topics and maybe I can come to a realisation or find a solution to my problems.

For example, while reading a piece on Nystrom Associates/Nystrom Counseling, I am learning that loneliness is, more often than not, simply the result of a bad relationship with myself. I am very critical of myself, I am a perfectionist, I substitute the lack of social connections with listening to a podcast or having Supernatural play idly on my second monitor, while I stare at my wallpaper on my primary monitor and overthink about whether or not J only keeps me around for his own benefit, or if N just stopped caring about me.

And what about professional help?

Well, considering I am a 26-year-old college student with no steady income, and my health insurance not covering psychological help, I find myself at a fork in the road. Either I go into debt to speak to a psychologist to try and rekindle the love for myself, or I do my own research and spend all of my free time trying to figure it out all by my little self.

Both sound incredibly exhausting, right? Like, nobody is excited about owing anyone money, and if my attempts at self-care fail, how will I ever find time to have fun before I go to sleep?

One of the things that Hannah Hippe on Nystrom mentions is that I need to recognize my internal critic, and replace those negative thoughts with a positive alternative. Easier said than done, of course, but it’s something that gets easier the more you do it.

For example, since two weeks ago I have been feeling like my lack of focus for my internship only means that I am nothing but dead weight to the company. I felt immense guilt for even sitting there, at my desk, trying so hard to work on a project but not being able to get where I want to be by the end of the day. And asking for help suddenly became so incredibly difficult. I felt like if I tapped my boss on the shoulder one more time, he’d scold me for not being at the level of proactivity I should be.

But in reality, only five minutes earlier, my boss told me that after my two-week sick leave (arranged by my college because of how stressed and depressed I was,) he was incredibly happy to have me back. And confirming that I am good at what I do. My other colleagues expressed something similar, by waving and smiling really excitedly to see me back at my desk.

So the thoughts I had two weeks ago, “I’m only in the way of this company moving forward. I’m not doing my job right. I’m not experienced enough for this,” are far from the truth.

Keeping what Hannah wrote in mind, I can also apply this to my doubts about friendship with J. (Ignoring the fact that I am head over heels for him just for this theory.) J is a genuine person, he has shown me on and on that he values honesty, respect, and effort. If those are out of balance, he does not hesitate to address it, and if necessary, he cuts off connections if the other party doesn’t want to fix it with him.

So if I really were a burden to J, would he have bothered spending time with me at all? Would he send me TikToks and say, “This is us,” or would he even ask what’s on my mind when he notices I sound a little upset?

The answer is no, if I was a burden to him, he wouldn’t even talk to me at all. And I may not be religious, but thank God or whatever deity sent this man to me because I honestly don’t know where I would be without him making me laugh more in the past 3 months, than I have in 2023.

I need to get better at catching myself thinking negatively. I need to be able to be like, “Hey, stop that. It’s not true. You’re doing okay,” whenever I feel myself spiral. I know I can do it, it’s just a matter of practice. And even if I fail keeping myself afloat, at least I can say that I’ve tried and that tomorrow is another opportunity to try again.

So, why am I writing this? Why am I here when I’ve mentioned before that I give up on writing blogs like this very easily? Maybe Tumblr isn’t even the right place to be, but it’s a platform I’m familiar with, and maybe my inner teenager still dreams of owning a frequently visited blog by hundreds of people. (Though my chances are small, a girl can still dream, right?)

Honestly, I’m just writing this to once again reach out. Maybe someone I can connect with, maybe not on a daily basis, but someone to check up on every other day or week with, “Hey, how have you been? Did you pass your exam? Or did you get that promotion? And how’s it going with that art project?”

And perhaps this blog can help someone else. Someone who is dealing with the same existential dread I wake up with every day, for them to see that they’re not alone and that there’s someone willing to listen.

I’m terrible at giving advice, therefore, I won’t. Besides, sometimes all we need is someone to listen and acknowledge, without trying to help and fix the problem. I sure as hell can’t stand it when all I want is to be heard, and instead I get a huge list of things to try to feel better. (I know their intentions are good, but sometimes you just gotta let me figure it out on my own.)

My inbox is open (anonymously as well) for you to vent to me and pretend for a couple of minutes that I am that friend you need. You know, a friend who won’t sugarcoat anything and won’t just agree with every idea or plan you have, but still have a hand reached out in case you’ve fallen. I mean, if you want to get back together with your ex, I’ll say it’s a bad idea, but the decision is up to you in the end.

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highnoteblog · 6 months

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Mac Demarco playfully forces you to overthink with “Another One”

by Alfonso Navarro

With bittersweet and hopeless emotions ironically elevated by optimistic delivery, Indie Rock innovator Mac Demarco extends his immersive profile with “Another One.” This 2015 single precedes his fourth studio album, which interestingly shares the same namesake.

Bragging a diverse repertoire of rock and synth sounds in previous works, the song is only a taste of what the happy-go-lucky Canadian has uniquely crafted with the aforementioned album, as the track has displayed a wonderfully new mix of jazzy, slow, vintage sounds that would make any listener feel some form of familiarity.

Moving over to the song’s melody, listeners are greeted by a drowsy, somber-like instrumental which sets the tone for what to expect: a track that will grab your attention and demand you to open up your emotions.

Demarco’s ability to create such movement within the listener is seen in his ability to connect chords that produce a heartbreaking aura, with a rhythm that is contrastingly skippy and upbeat. This stark contrast creates a melancholic sound that displays the rocker’s musical genius. This skill set is elevated by his ability to create impactful lyrics.

Although Demarco’s structure choice follows a simple verse-chorus-bridge pattern, this did not limit him from expressing simple yet hard-hitting statements.

Through the song’s lyrics, the vintage sound-wielding Demarco places himself as a conscience, subliminally feeding the thought that the listener’s hypothetical partner is fading away from them. “Feelin' so confused. You don't know what to do. Afraid she might not love you anymore,” Demarco devilishly sings, “And though she says she does, and hasn't lost your trust. Who could that be knockin' at her door?” Simply, Demarco hints at a possible third party that may ruin a relationship.

The chorus straightforwardly plays devil’s advocate. “Must be another one, must be another one she loves,” the track suggests. Although the piece’s chorus only repeats the aforementioned phrase, it is a strong statement that implants itself in the mind of the listener.

Although the verses and chorus are written with simple, digestible phrases, this makes the song one of the more memorable tracks in the album. It is a tune anyone can understand and, hence easily relate to. This is what Demarco has mastered throughout his extensive career as an indie artist: write songs relatable to even the most innocent of hearts.

From your daily commute to your vulnerable moments of self-reflection, the track will never fail to make you feel something every listen. As much as you try to ignore the feelings that arise in each verse and chord, you cannot stop yourself from feeling even the smallest amount of sadness.

Ultimately, the song and the album it is a part of is a testament to Demarco’s talent. His 2012 album entitled “2” showcases his ability to rip through trippy rock melodies, while “Salad Days” (2014) displays his ability to mellow down his music and take an emotional path. Yet, it is in “Another One” that the indie goofball displays his diversity as an artist. It is not he who composes these powerful melodies, but rather, the emotions that stem from the lyrics he jots down. “Another One” is a song that is arguably timeless, as it has placed itself on a level of its own. No other song before it has copied its aura, and no other work after it may accurately emulate its sound. Demarco can endlessly share with the world that he is just like any other guitar player (See 0:58-1:27), but the craftsmanship and attention to detail he puts in albums are second to none. This track bears witness to Demarco’s importance in the indie rock scene.

#song review #ali

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musicarenagh · 6 months

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Leap Into Shola's 'Utopia' For Absolute Bliss UTOPIA is a five track collaboration project by Shola, a London based music producer which explores distinct sounds. Her African roots motivate her thus, creating a musical sanctuary which captivates listeners in her unique world. She had musical roots arising from a music-oriented family and college teachers who encouraged her to producer despite of many male dominated production. Shola’s musical progression ranges from rap beats to African inspired sounds which draw inspiration from retro eras and animation. This shows her willingness to experiment. Her creativity comes with different inspirations which come into play while crafting authenticity with every song and channeling emotions in its molding. However, her struggle for fair recognition within a male-oriented domain poses a challenge in this male oriented field. In the future, Shola intends on visual releases as well as other collaborations, going above and beyond music. This shows that she recognizes those who supported to her journey into making music, where true creativity of oneself is what matters. listade education system. Audiences are led into an emotional and life weaved tapestry exploring “sonic UTOPIA”. Thus, it becomes a sanctuary of diversity expressing true music. Her artistry is a continuous voyage in creating a paradise for those who will plunge into many stories and feelings. Listen to Utopia below https://open.spotify.com/album/34cQfGAJISGyH7iziBGan9 Follow Shola on Spotify Soundcloud Youtube Instagram What is your stage name Shola Is there a story behind your stage name? It's just my first name to be honest. Where do you find inspiration? From life, the weather, art and listening to a lot of different genres. What was the role of music in the early years of your life? I was always surrounded by it from an early age. I was always interested in how something is put together musically as a child. Are you from a musical or artistic family? Yes, my mum and sister are both singers. My sister also plays guitar. Who inspired you to be a part of the music industry? I think I was naturally influenced being from a musical family but I would also say my lecturers at uni and college. They really pushed me to get into production especially as there wasn't much mainstream representation at the time when it came to girls who are into that. When did you start to produce I started to produce whilst at college. We had spaces for that luckily so I'd spend a lot of time on Logic and also tried Reason but stick with Logic on the end. What was the first concert that you ever went to and who did you see perform? The first concert I went to was in 2017 to watch Wizkid perform. I was so overwhelmed maybe because our seats were so high lol. But I enjoyed it. How could you describe your music? I don't really like to put myself in a box so I just say Afro-inspired but I love experimenting especially when I'm co-producing my sister's music because she's an alternative artist. Describe your creative process. I don't play any instruments professionally, I just play by ear mostly on my keyboard. I love drums so I usually try to make sure my drum patterns and FX are distinctive. I like audio processing too when it comes to the instruments. If I'm working with samples, I make sure I tweak stuff make it sound original. What is your main inspiration? My main inspiration is a lot of old school stuff and also anime lol. I really love anime and art in general. I also love music from the 50s to early 2000s mainly. I especially love the rawness of music during the 70s, how there is often a heavy focus on an instrumental breaks. It's so authentic to me so I get inspired to replicate this in a lot of songs I work on. [caption id="attachment_53103" align="alignnone" width="1708"] My main inspiration is a lot of old school stuff and also anime lol. I really love anime and art in general.[/caption] What musician do you admire most and why?

James Brown. He's definitely in my top 3. He was definitely a stand out act of his generation. He put 1 million percent into each performance. From his charisma, to his moves and how he interacted with the band The J.B.'s. Did your style evolve since the beginning of your career? Yes definitely, I started off making a lot of rap beats. I was really into Rick Ross, Lol Wayne back then. The shift definitely came at uni because I was exposed to so many different genes of music like Bossa Nova, Jazz, Rock etc. So a lot of these sounds inspired my musical journey over the years. Who do you see as your main competitor? I don't believe in competition. What are your interests outside of music? Anime again, drawing and seeing my friends. Not much. If it wasn't a music career, what would you be doing? Errmm, no clue. Maybe working in an art gallery lol. What is the biggest problem you have encountered in the journey of music? Definitely respect/recognition like my male counterparts. I think sometimes people think I'm incapable of doing certain things maybe because I'm a girl but I've gotten used to it over the years. If you could change one thing in the music industry, what would it be? Only 1? Lol. Errmm, I think the idea of having to do certain things to get certain results. I know people make music for different reasons but to those who are genuinely passionate about it, I think we should remember the reasons why we make music. Whether it's a coping mechanism or we just enjoy it. We should always be ourselves when expressing our art instead of trying to please an audience or doing things that aren't natural for us. Why did you choose this as the title of this project? I think naturally I've always loved trying to find forms of escapism. Keeps me grounded. So UTOPIA is defined as an imagined place of perfection but I didn't want to focus on having everything perfect but rather having a set of different realities, situations and feelings that would make my imagined place ideal to me. It's not always positive but there's always something to learn, feel and get inspiration from in my world. https://open.spotify.com/artist/7gBQdqrE30oUy9YyXeZOhI?si=OARmswJqSRyJYVsGaGCq2A What are your plans for the coming months? I want to focus on putting out more visuals next year so watch this space! Do you have any artistic collaboration plans Yes I do 😊 What message would you like to give to your fans? Fans is a weird word to me I don't know why lol. But to those that have always followed and supported my music, much love to you always. I really do appreciate all of you.

#Interviews #Shola #SholadropsUtopiaEP #SholaoutwithUtopiaEP #SholareleasesUtopiaEP #SholaUtopiaEP #SholawithUtopiaEP #UtopiaEP #UtopiaEPbyShola #UtopiaEPfromShola #UtopiaEPShola

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