#and then tell me since i cant say yes to being fucked rn (despite not saying yes to being bred either but w/e) shell have to just rape me

[localfuckeryinc]

anyone wanna hear me rant abt miraculous ladybug. yes? good

please dont get me wrong. i really like the concept of this show. im a huge sucker for animal themed superheroes and magical girls. the powers for the heros and some of the villains really interest me, and i even like some of the designs (some of the later heros like rooster bold) but i also really hate this show. the shipping is really frustrating, especially when you do not care about half of the characters that the show is trying to make you want to ship. im not even gonna TALK about the shipping square with adrien chat noir marinette and ladybug bc that thing is so infuriating. especially when i dont like marinette and think ladybug and chat noirs relationship is kinda weird. anyway. im not talking about it. im not talking about it. marinette is personally just one of those characters i dont like- she gets better the farther you get into the series but shes just so high energy all the time that it exhausts me to watch her scramble around for too long. chloe is more entertaining and i like her more despite her being racist (shown mostly in kung food if i remember right). adrien is ok. if he got more screen time i think i wouldve liked him more but for some reason hes treated like a side character. im not basing this off of any real numbers but CHLOE, a minor antagonist, gets more or less the same screen time he does. and so much of his screen time is just him transforming. im also not counting chat noir as part of his screen time. theyre different. alya is fine but for some reason she cant tell her best friend is a stalker. nino is actually one of my favorites hes like marinette but a lot more chill and doesnt stalk his classmates. rose and juleka are gay. ivan and mylene are there. max is good if you need someone to say a lot of words. i really like alix shes cool and actually acknowledges how weird it is that marinette knows adries whole schedule. nathaniel is also a character i really like i cant really explain why. kim is there but hes annoying sometimes. also the wiki says his last name according to the wiki is lê chiến which is way too close to “the dog” in french for it to not be funny to me. sabrina is a lap dog. maybe her last name should be la chien. lila is FINE but why are the lies she tells so big. whats the point. luka. this bitch annoys the FUCK out of me i hate the way he is. we get it you play guitar. marc is nice i feel like he would write really good fanfic on ao3. zoe does not exist in my mind. hawkmoth is kind of annoying and makes too many puns. try a stealth mission with someone who doesnt have ulterior motives PLEASE that would be so cool. mayura is a queen i love mayura. she does look like a grape tho. im rotating felix around in my brain rn i cannot figure out how i feel about this guy. hes fine i like the parent swap bullshit he always pulls. as for the heroes. god. why are they the way they are? ladybug i like more than marinette but only barely. its weird how the ladybug and cat miraculous are presented as a duo but you really only need the ladybug to save the day. they point this out at some point but its still really weird to me. the cat miraculous does have better outfits though since the ladybug outfits are just. uh. red spotted spandex. it would be cool if the ladybug miraculous got nerfed and instead it got little wings to go with the outfit that could spring them up in the air. and maybe a visor. and maybe antennae. and- ok im done there. chat noir is fine hes weird abt ladybug but that becomes something you expect in this show. i LOVE queen bee. shes so dramatic i love her. fuck vesperia all my homies hate vesperia it would have been so much better if chloe got to keep the miraculous like SOMEONE did after her identity was revealed. cough cough RENA ROUGE cough cough. rena rouge is fine but why is her outfit exactly the same as lila when she was akumatized- each outfit is based off the miraculous user’s personal preference (SUPPOSEDLY). carapace is pretty good- anansi is actually a really solid episode despite nora being nothing like anansi in the mythos, i think the writers just wanted a cool name. carapace/nino are actually really similar so im not surprised that alya figured it out so fast. for some reason the fox and turtle miraculous dont do anything to the users personalities but the ladybug and cat make major changes. for some reason. maybe its power levels? were never told why. i dont think ill talk about any of the other heroes because there are SO MANY OF THEM. i like rooster bold though his design is just really cool to me. this show actually has a lot of structuring issues for me- the concept of this show would be helped so much if it wasnt episodic and everything wasnt reset every episode. having running arcs would make it so much more interesting- i love the monster of the week format but it would be cool if characters could retain memories from week to week. uhhhhhh what else can i talk about. ships? i like marc and nathaniel- i like both characters and i think they would be happy together instead of nate crushing on marinette “i am in love with adrien” dupain-cheng. can we talk abt how dupain means “of bread” (or close to that i havent taken french in a while) these last names are really odd. the akumatization process is fun i guess but the designs. oh the designs. they hurt my eyes sometimes. i do like silencer though despite hating luka. i think im done now? i cant think of much else to complain about besides the animation of the hair making it look so flat. im done.

#do i maintag this #hmmmm #yeah fuck it #miraculous ladybug #miraculous #honestly alya and nino are cute together #theyre both decent and have weird best friends #im fine now i just really needed to tell someone other than my friends discord server abt this show #and my thoughts\

[lunar-wandering]

Peach Slices

the Sick!Wukong fanfic is finally done! this is the longest one shot i’ve ever written lol.

tagging @winterpower98 and @ninja-knox-ur-sox-off since you two seemed interested

read on ao3

Word Count: 5.4k

-----

When MK arrived at the temple to train, he could immediately tell that something was wrong. For one, Wukong wasn't hidden anywhere in an attempt to surprise him, which he had been doing lately to help him "hone his instincts". (Usually all that got him was a smack in the face with his own staff. MK would apologize each time, but Wukong would just wave it off.) Instead of hiding, Wukong was sitting in the middle of the courtyard, a few of the monkeys hanging out around him and hanging off of him. The second thing that was off was how the monkeys were looking at him, concerned. Upon noticing MK, they had immediately started to point him at Wukong, as though saying "something's up with him, please help him out.". The third thing that was off, was Wukong fur. It looked absolutely horrible, like he'd just rolled out of bed and hadn't brushed it, and had also been through like 5 fights.

That was concerning enough, but what really worried MK was the 4th thing.

Wukong hadn't noticed him yet.

Nevermind the other things being weird, Wukong not noticing him was just plain wrong. Wukong always noticed when MK arrived, even if he'd been distracted before.

Something was clearly up, and MK was going to find out what.

Deciding to use the fact that Wukong hadn't noticed him to his advantage, MK started slowly sneaking up behind him, making a shushing motion to the monkeys to let them know to be quiet. He had a suspicion about what was up, and honestly he kinda hoped that he was wrong.

Finally managing to make it to Wukong's side, MK slowly reached up-

And lightly pressed the back of his hand to Wukong's forehead.

Wukong yelped and jumped away in surprise at MK's "sudden" appearance, but the few seconds that MK's hand had been on Wukong's forehead was all he needed.

"Kid! I uh, didn't hear you come in-"

"You're sick." MK stated the facts, as Wukong looked at him in surprise. "Why didn't you call me to cancel training if you're sick? I could've just gone to spar with Red Son or Mei instead."

"I, wh-" Wukong sputtered for a moment, before he seemed to collect himself a little. "I'm not sick."

"Uh, your fever says other wise." MK replied, not certain what his mentor thought he would get out of denying his incredibly obvious condition.

"What fever? I'm perfectly fine." Wukong clearly lied, leaning against a nearby tree in an attempt to look cool. MK rolled his eyes and was about to respond when Wukong let out a sudden yelp, as the tree he was leaning against snapped and fell to the ground, causing him to stumble. There was a moment of silence as the two of them stared at the fallen tree.

"I totally meant to do that."

"Alright, that's it." MK said, setting his bag on the ground and walking over to Wukong. "Come on Monkey King, I'm taking you back to my apartment to keep an eye on you."

"That's really not necessary- hey! Put me down!" Wukong yelled as MK scooped him up, carrying him like a sack of potatoes. "Seriously, Kid, I'm fine!"

"If you were fine you'd have jumped away before I grabbed you." MK said. Wukong didn't seem to have a reasonable response for that, so MK started the long trek back to the noodle shop with only a few more complaints from the Monkey King.

---

At some point during the walk to the noodle shop, Wukong had fallen asleep. MK was kinda grateful for that actually, it meant he didn't have to deal with his mentor continuing to complain, and it meant that he was resting, which he honestly probably needed, based on how he looked.

MK avoided going in through the front door of the noodle shop, from what he could see, there were quite a few customers in there. If he went in with a passed out Monkey King on his back, it was sure to cause a commotion, and he.... really didn't want that, especially if all the noise would wake Wukong up. So, MK snuck around to the back of the shop, and used the fire escape to climb up to his apartment on the second floor.

Once inside, MK carefully set Wukong down on his bed, shaking some of the ache out of his arms as he did so. Wukong was heavy, and carrying him for over an hour had done MK's arms no favors.

Wukong curled up in the bed, and MK sighed, before going off in search of more blankets and pillows, and hopefully some medicine to bring Wukong's fever down. MK... wasn't actually sure when he last bought medicine. He might have to ask Mei to run out and buy him some, because there was no way he was going to leave-

Almost as soon as he thought that, MK's phone dinged, telling him he'd received a message from Pigsy.

'I know you're here.' It read, 'Heard you on the fire escape. If you aren't training, can you come back down and work for the next hour?'

'Cant.' MK sent back, 'Busy rn'.

'What on Earth could you be busy with?'

MK thought for a moment on how best to explain the situation, before figuring that a visual example was probably the best, and snapped a quick picture of Wukong and sent it to Pigsy.

The yelled "What the fuck!" was loud enough for MK to hear, and apparently Wukong heard it too, as he started to stir.

"Kid?" He asked, slowly sitting up, "W'as goin' on?"

"It's nothing Monkey King, go back to sleep-" MK was proven wrong however, as the two of them could hear a series of loud footsteps running up the stairs. Within seconds, Pigsy had burst into the room.

"MK." He said, "Would you please explain to me why Sun Wukong is in your bed."

"He's sick." MK said, glancing back at the monkey in question. Despite the rest he'd gotten on the way over, he was actually starting to look worse than before, as well as very confused. He hoped that his fever wasn't getting worse.

"Oh well that's plainly obvious." Pigsy said, "What I want to know, is why you brought him here instead of back to his mountain."

"I figured it'd be easier to look after him here? I kinda.... doubt that he has the materials needed to look after someone who's sick back at his house." MK explained. Pigsy sighed at the answer, suddenly looking incredibly resigned to the fact that he was going to have to deal with there being a sick monkey king directly above his noodle shop. Gods, this was going to be a pain....

"Zhu Bajie?" Wukong suddenly asked, drawing Pigsy and MK's attention back to him. "What....what are you doing here? You're... Dead."

MK and Pigsy stared at him in confusion.

"What on Earth is he going on about now?" Pigsy asked, and that was all it took for Wukong to start suddenly crying hysterically. MK panicked, rushing forwards and trying to calm him down, but not really knowing how. Pigsy stood back, shocked and confused at the sudden emotional outburst from the monkey.

Pigsy would've tried to help MK calm Wukong down, but there was a sudden yell from down in the noodle shop and, remembering that he had practically left said shop unattended, he was forced to turn and start back down the stairs. He gave MK a look of apology as he went, and mentally noted that he would have to make some kind of soup for the sick monkey.

...Did Wukong even eat soup?

As far as Pigsy remembered, the answer to that was no.

.....He'd have to ask Tang and Sandy to pick up a basket of peaches at the store.

---

Later, after Wukong had cried himself out and fallen back asleep, and Pigsy closed the shop for lunch, MK pulled Pigsy aside for a moment.

"So." Pigsy started, "What was all that stuff earlier about?"

"He. He kept saying things like 'he's supposed to be dead' and 'he doesn't remember me' while he was crying." MK said, "His fever's pretty high. I think it's made him delirious. And I think that. He thinks you're Zhu Bajie, one of the people who was with him during the Journey to the West."

Pigsy was silent for a brief moment.

"Kid....I'm about to tell you something that might.....upset you." He said. MK tilted his head, confused.

"What do you me-, oh my gods." Realization struck. "Are you kidding me?"

Pigsy gave no signs that he was kidding. MK stared in shock.

"You're Zhu Bajie??"

"Yes. Sandy and Tang are Wujing and Tripitaka too."

MK's shock quickly turned to anger.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell him?" He asked.

"I... I didn't tell you because I didn't think you needed to know." Pigsy said, "As for Wukong.... he was never there when we tried to go visit him over the years. We knew he was still alive, Heaven would've lost it's shit had he actually died, but we...figured that he was avoiding us. That he didn't want to interact with us, for some reason."

"Well clearly that is not the case, considering he apparently thinks you're dead!" MK shouted, ignoring Pigsy's hurried shushing. "Can you imagine how upsetting that must be for him?? Thinking that all the people he considers friends, maybe even family, are dead, or that they don't remember him? I want to cry just thinking of it!"

MK would have continued yelling, but a sudden thump and crash upstairs drew his attention. He paused for a moment, during which he and Pigsy both heard the quiet, slightly scared, "Kid?" from Wukong. MK sighed, moving to head back up the stairs, but not before giving Pigsy a glare.

"This isn't over. We will be talking about this later." He said, before disappearing up the stairs. Pigsy slumped against the counter.

"Jeez....." He muttered, "We really fucked up didn't we."

---

When he walked back into his apartment, MK was only slightly surprised to find it a mess, and Wukong missing from the bed. Clearly, Wukong had woken up while MK was downstairs, and, upon not seeing the kid anywhere in the general area, had panicked, probably assuming the worst. Worried for a brief moment, MK glanced at the window, breathing a sigh of relief to see that it was still locked the way it had been before. Good, so Wukong was still somewhere in the apartment.

Now where did he-

There was a sudden crash from the kitchen.

MK rushed to the kitchen, to find Wukong standing in front of the sink, bits and pieces of what used to be a cup on the floor. Wukong still looked dreadful, but he did look  slightly better than before.

Slightly.

"Oh, Kid, there you are." Wukong said upon noticing him, "I was worried about you."

"Yeah, I uh, could tell." MK said, thinking back to the mess he'd caught a glance of in the living room. "What are you doing in the kitchen?"

"I wanted to get a drink?" Wukong said, "I'm sorry about your cup though... I can replace it-"

"After you go back to bed." MK said, "Monkey King, you still look awful."

"Do I?" Wukong asked, sighing when MK nodded his head yes. "Fine. But if I'm in your bed, where are you going to sleep?"

"On the couch." MK answered, and, upon seeing the look on Wukong's face, added, "Don't worry about it. I've slept on the couch multiple times before."

"If you say so kid..."

"I do say so. Now c'mon, back to bed."

It was definitely a good thing MK made Wukong get back in the bed, as Wukong was just slightly wobbly the entire walk back from the kitchen to the bedroom.

"Weren't you going to play games with Mei tonight?" Wukong asked, as MK dropped another blanket on top of him. "You can go play with her if you want. I'll be fine."

"Yeah, forgive me for not trusting you on that one." MK said, "Unless you don't remember your emotional outburst from earlier."

"I had an emotional outburst?"

"You- actually you know what, it's probably better that you don't know." MK replied, before quickly changing the subject. "I already messaged Mei by the way, told her what was up. She's going to pick up some medicine."

"Bold of you to assume that human medicine will work on me."

".....Will it?"

"I don't know. Haven't tried."

---

Red Son was peacefully walking down the street, rather quite enjoying his day, when suddenly, Mei ran by in a green rush, almost knocking him off his feet.

"Hey Dragon Girl!" He shouted, grabbing her attention, "Where are you going in such a hurry?"

"Monkey King's sick!" She said, "MK's asked me to get medicine-"

"Hold up. Sun Wukong is sick?" Red Son asked, looking straight up shocked when Mei nodded in response. "I... I must tell Mother and Father about this."

"You're not gonna like. Spring an attack on us while he's sick are you?" Mei asked, narrowing her eyes in suspicion. Red Son gasped, offended.

"Of course not! We are nothing if not honorable villains." He said, "I just think that... Mother and Father would want to know about this is all."

"Hm....Okay." Mei said, "But if I see even one hint of an attack, I will not hesitate to beat you up."

"...Duly noted."

---

Over the past few hours, Wukong had tried multiple times to get up and do things. The Monkey King, apparently, didn't know how to rest. MK had to keep practically dragging him back into the bed before he broke things on accident, which, unfortunately, was happening a lot. 3 glasses, 2 plates, one vase, and one coffee table had been destroyed before MK got the bright idea to set up his laptop and stream the Monkey King Animated Series for Wukong to watch. That, at least, managed to get him to stay in bed while MK started trying to clean things up.

He had just finished sweeping up the last few pieces of the plates when the doorbell rang.

MK set down the broom and opened the door to see Mei, with one arm carrying two bowls of noodles, and her other arm holding two small baskets of peaches and a box of medicine.

"Hey MK." She said, giving him a smile.

"Come right on in Mei, here, let me take that for you." MK said, taking the peach baskets and the medicine box out of Mei's hand so that she could use both of them to carry the noodle bowls. He set the peaches and medicine down on the kitchen counter as Mei set the bowls down on the table. The two of them sat down to eat.

"So uh, what with the peaches and the noodles?" MK asked.

"Well, I remembered you said that Monkey King liked peaches, so I figured I'd pick some up for him while I was at the store." She said, "Turns out, Tang and Sandy had the same idea. Pigsy sent the peaches and the noodles up. Said something about you probably not wanting to see him right now."

"I wouldn't say that I wouldn't want to see him." MK said, "Just that me and him are...going to have a conversation later. It's nothing you need to worry about, I promise."

The look Mei gave him was skeptical, but when MK didn't retract his statement, she sighed and decided to move on.

"Sooo....How's Monkey King doing?" She asked.

"He's doing.... better than he was this morning I guess." MK said, fiddling with his chopsticks. "He still isn't near what I'd deem healthy, but I'm pretty sure his fever has gone down a bit. I set things up so he could watch the Monkey King Animated Series on my laptop so that he'd stop trying to get up and do things. I should probably give him the medicine before I go to bed."

"So, basically, what I'm taking away from this, is that you're Mother Henning the Monkey King." Mei said, laughter in her voice. MK was about to respond, argue that he was not being a Mother Hen, he was just concerned, when there was a thump outside, and then a knock on the balcony door. MK gave Mei a questioning glance, wondering if she knew anything about who could possibly be on his balcony, but she just shrugged, clearly as confused as he was. Sighing, MK stood up and walked over to the balcony door. On his way, a quick glance into his bedroom showed that Wukong had fallen asleep again, the laptop still running. He'd have to turn it off to save the battery, as well as wake Wukong later to give him some food and medicine, but another knock on the door meant he was going to have to see who had decided to come visit him first.

He opened up the door, only to come face to face with Red Son, who was holding a basket of peaches and looked like he'd rather be anywhere but here.

"...What are you doing here?" MK asked, briefly wondering if he should summon his staff, just in case. But then again, Red Son didn't seem like he wanted to attack at the moment, so...

"Dragon Girl happened to inform me that Wukong is sick." Red Son said, "I told my parents, as I figured they should know, and they practically demanded that I bring this here. So.... take it."

With that said, Red Son practically shoved the peach basket into MK's hands. MK sighed as he looked at its contents.

"At this rate, my apartment is going to be both destroyed and full of peaches." He said. Red Son quirked an eyebrow.

"Okay, I was going to just leave, but now I'm curious. Why would your little apartment be both destroyed and filled with peaches Noodle Boy?" He asked.

"For one, Monkey King keeps getting up and trying to do things, but keeps accidentally destroying stuff." MK explained, "Secondly, everyone seems to be bringing peaches, though I'm not entirely sure why-"

"It's because literally the only thing we know that he likes to eat is peaches." Mei interrupted, appearing beside MK after having grown tired of waiting in the kitchen. "That doesn't leave us with many food options."

"I mean, I think he enjoys other fruits too?" MK said, sounding uncertain. "But yeah, either way, I think I'm going to be overrun with peaches."

"Well, at least not everything in the basket is a peach." Red Son commented, "There's a box of tea in there too."

MK took out the tea box and after a few seconds of inspecting it, snorted out a little laugh.

"The tea is peach flavored too." He said.

"Of course it is." Red Son sighed. "Well...whatever. See you around later Noodle Boy, Dragon Girl."

And with that, Red Son disappeared in a flash of flames. MK closed the balcony door, bringing the peach basket into the kitchen to set it beside the others.

"You think we can trust that they didn't poison those?" Mei asked. MK gave the peaches a glance.

"They......probably didn't. Just to be safe though, I think I'll give Monkey King the ones you and Pigsy gave me first."

----

By the time Mei left, it was 10:30 PM. MK walked back into his bedroom carrying a small plate of sliced up peaches, as well as a dose of medicine and a glass of water. He set them down on top of his bedside table, and then reached over and paused the episode of Monkey King the Animated Series that was playing on his laptop. He carefully picked up said laptop and brought it over to the wall to plug it in. With that done, he went back to the bed and gently shook his mentor awake.

"Mmmn....Kid?" Wukong slurred, clearly not 100% awake.

"Yeah, it's me." MK said, "I"ve got some peach slices for you to eat, and some medicine to take."

Wukong accepted the peach slices and medicine surprisingly easily, taking the medicine before starting to eat.

"Y'know..." MK said, "Earlier, you mentioned that you'd never tried medicine before. So like, what do you normally do when you're sick?"

"Go to sleep for 3 days and don't wake up until it's all over." Wukong mumbled around a piece of peach. MK gave him a deadpan look.

"Monkey King that's a coma." He said. Wukong snorted in response.

"It's only a coma if I can't wake up."

"No, I'm pretty sure sleeping for 3 days straight is genuinely considered a coma."

"Whatever." Wukong mumbled, yawning. He'd finished the peaches. MK sighed as Wukong flopped back down onto the bed, rolling over so that his back was facing him. MK silently pulled the blankets over top of the Monkey King, quietly amused at how Wukong's tail didn't quite fit in under them, and was left dangling off the side of the bed, swinging back and forth.

"Goodnight Monkey King." MK said.

" 'Night, kid." Wukong responded, and with that, MK turned off the light and left the room, leaving Wukong under what was at this point a practical mountain of blankets, alone.

---

MK woke up.

It was dark out, no sign of the sun at all. One quick glance at the clock in the living room revealed the time to be 3 AM. MK usually didn't have any problems sleeping, so what could've woken-

He saw something move in the corner of his eye.

Still half asleep, MK jumped off the couch, summoning the staff into his hand as he whirled around-

Only to be confronted with nothing but shadows.

....Huh.

Must've just been his eyes playing tricks on him.

Leaning his staff up against the wall, MK leaned down to pick up his stuffed monkey, (which had fallen off the couch when he'd jumped up), when he heard it.

A small whimper, from his bedroom.

Oh.

So that's what had woken him up.

Holding his stuffie in his arms, MK walked over to his bedroom, activating his golden vision in order to see better in the dark.

What he saw was pretty much what he should've expected.

Wukong had kicked off most of his blankets, and was partially curled up, shaking, with his tail thrashing wildly.

He was having a nightmare. Or, well, it was probably a fever dream in this case, but still. MK had to wake him up. He knelt down by the bed and gently shook Wukong's shoulder.

"Monkey King?" He said, "Monkey King, wake up."

No response.

".....C'mon, Wukong wake up."

Hearing his actual name seemed to rouse him.

".....Kid?" He asked. There were leftover tears in the corners of his eyes.

"Yeah it's me." MK said, softly, "You okay?"

"M'fine."

"Do you wanna talk about it?" MK asked. Wukong curled up a little more.

"It's nothing you'd understand, kid." He mumbled. MK supposed that made sense. Wukong had been alive for a long time after all, there was sure to be no end to things he had seen, or knows, that MK could never hope to comprehend.

"...Okay." MK said. "Do you just wanna go back to sleep."

All he got in response in a nod.

Now, as stated, MK knew that Wukong didn't want to talk about... whatever his nightmare had been about. But MK couldn't just leave without doing something to help.

...He looked at his stuffie.

"...Monkey King?" A hum, Wukong was listening. MK held up his stuffed monkey. "I think I'm gonna leave this little guy here with you."

Now that got Wukong to sit up a little, tail fluffing up a bit in surprise.

"...Don't you always sleep with him though?" Wukong asked, as MK placed the stuffie into his arms. "Kid, you don't have to-"

"It's fine." MK said, giving his mentor a smile. "I've slept without him before, I'll be fine. Besides, I think you need his services more than I do tonight."

Wukong couldn't seem to come up with any sort of argument for that, so he simply laid back down in the bed, pulling the blankets up over his head and curling up around the little stuffed monkey. Job done, MK left the room, going into the kitchen to get a glass of water before heading back to bed.

....Huh. That was weird.

Was there one more peach basket than there'd been before?

MK narrowed his eyes at it for a moment, before shrugging it off, figuring he must've just miscounted the amount of peach baskets Mei had brought, and went back to the couch to sleep, leaving the peach basket with the purple bow undisturbed.

---

The next day was mostly uneventful. True to his statement of typically just sleeping the sickness off, Wukong slept for most of the day, only waking up when MK woke him to get him to eat, drink, or have a dose of medicine. MK would be concerned about this, but it did seem that the sleep was actively doing Wukong some good, he was starting to look much better, so MK let it be.

There was other matters he had to take care of.

When Pigsy closed the shop for lunch, he nearly jumped out of his skin when he turned to see MK standing behind him, glaring.

"Uh, MK, what's up?" He asked, awkwardly. MK just kept glaring.

"Call over Tang and Sandy, now." MK said, before sitting down at one of the tables to wait. "It's about time we had that talk."

It took an unsurprisingly short amount of time for Tang and Sandy to arrive. MK waited until they were all seated.

"So." He started, but he was interrupted by Pigsy.

"Look, MK, I know we should've told you about who we were-"

"Oh! Oh you definitely should have." MK said, "I can't believe you guys just didn't tell me that you were on the Journey to the West. But that's not important right now. What's important, is that there is a sick Monkey King in my apartment who thinks you guys are dead, and I would like an explanation as to why."

"Well," Tang started, "We haven't seen him in over 300 years-"

"I told you two we should've left a note that one time." Sandy mumbled, calmly petting Mo. Pigsy sighed.

"Look kid, we tried to interact with him, believe me we did!" He said, "But every time we tried he either wasn't around or had just left. It is ridiculously hard to catch the damn monkey when he doesn't want to be caught."

MK nodded slowly.

"....Okay." He said, "I... suppose that makes sense."

He stood up.

"Tomorrow, if Monkey King is feeling better, which I'm guessing he will, you guys will be having a talk with him." MK said, walking away from the table to go back up the stairs to his apartment. He paused on the first step, turning slightly to say over his shoulder, "Just to be clear by the way. I'm still mad at you. Expect a 1 week business period before I forgive you."

"....Yeah that's fair." Tang said.

And with that, MK went back up the stairs, leaving the three immortals to anxiously contemplate how the next day's conversation would go.

---

As MK had guessed, Wukong was feeling a lot better the next day. He was actually awake, and the fever had definitely gone down, at least as far as MK could tell. Overall, he seemed to be doing a lot better.

...Which meant it was time for a conversation MK wasn't entirely sure would end well.

"Monkey King, I need you to stay right here, okay?" MK said, gesturing at the couch Wukong was currently sitting on. Wukong let out a confused laugh.

"Might I ask as to why?" He said.

"You'll see."

"...Okay then?"

MK turned to go down the stairs, to get the other three members of this conversation, before pausing, suddenly thinking of something he remembered hearing in one of the stories about the Journey to the West. Turning, he grabbed a paint brush from his desk, dipped it in some white paint, and proceeded to draw a circle around the couch where Wukong sat. Wukong watched him do this in barely contained amusement.

"You will stay here." MK said, just for emphasis, as he finished the circle.

"I heard you the first time, kid." Wukong said, laughter in his voice. MK gave him an 'I'm watching you' look, before finally going down the stairs. Wukong, true to his word, stayed inside the circle.

...When MK came back up the stairs with his friends Pigsy, Tang, and Sandy though, Wukong kinda wished he'd just left after he woke up like he'd planned. Those three just reminded him too much.... of them.

MK, seeing the look on Wukong's face, sighed.

"Okay, let's just get this over with, because I doubt there's any way to do this gently." He said, "Monkey King, these three are Pigsy, Tang, and Sandy, and they are also the ones who were with you on the Journey to the West. And before you ask, yes, they do remember you."

Wukong's mind stopped as those words registered in his brain.

The Monkey King went a whole minute without speaking, during which Tang shifted from foot to foot nervously, Pigsy pointedly didn't look him in the eyes, Sandy patiently continued to pet his cat, and MK just looked entirely done with the whole situation.

"Uh, MK?" Tang eventually said, "I think you might've broken him."

That one sentence was enough to break Wukong's stupor.

".....Is it really them?" He asked, sounding like he was on the verge of breaking down into tears. Pigsy gave a gruff sigh, but didn't respond, so MK rolled his eyes, and casually shoved Pigsy next to the couch.

"....Yes, it's us you dumb monkey." Pigsy said, and that was all it took for Wukong to break down crying jumping off the couch and tackle hugging Pigsy to the ground, tail swinging. Tang immediately went to Pigsy's rescue, trying to pry Wukong off of him before Wukong could accidentally suffocate him, but ended up also getting dragged into the hug by the monkey. Sandy didn't hesitate to join the hug himself, squeezing the other three as tight as possible, before setting them down gently onto the couch. MK figured he'd better leave the four of them alone for a moment, and went into the kitchen to make them some tea.

"Where have you guys been?" Wukong finally asked, laying on top of Pigsy and Tang's laps, his tail curled around Sandy's arm. "I thought you all were dead."

"So we've heard." Pigsy mumbled, before speaking louder. "Truthfully, Wukong, we did try to interact with you these past 300 years, but we just never could seem to find you. So we stopped trying."

"Why?" Wukong asked.

"We kinda... thought you might be upset with us?" Tang said, "We figured you were avoiding us on purpose, and that you'd come and interact with us again once you'd calmed down a bit."

"Why wouldn't you try harder to find me, to ask what was wrong?"

"Would you want to deal with you while you're mad?" Pigsy asked.

"....Touché." Wukong said, and there was a moment of silence between the four of them, in which Sandy's cat crawled unto Wukong's chest, and Wukong started petting it.

"..You know." He said, "I'm really glad you guys are alive. Being alone... wasn't really all that fun."

"We're glad you're doing okay too, you damn monkey." Pigsy said.

It was at this point that MK came out of the kitchen, carrying a tray with five cups of peach tea, and a plate of peach slices.

"You guys done with the emotional experience?" He asked, setting the tray down on the coffee table. "Because I've got a ton of peaches that aren't going to eat themselves."

"Ooh! Don't mind if I do!" Wukong said, quickly picking up the plate of peach slices to hoard them all to himself, which got him a light smack on the head from Pigsy, telling him to share his food, or he'd get out the rake.

Wukong just laughed in response.

He didn't care.

He had his family back.

#Monkie Kid #fanfic #my writing #its midnight as im posting this lol

[miyaniacs]

this will be so much fun!!!

OKAY SOOO I’LL DO SOME OF MY FAVES FOR THIS ONE OKAY?

(repost bc it took too much time to write this to not show up in the tags numbers of failed attempts: 2 )

warnings: I guess slight nsfw and me being tipsy while writing this , all characters are 18+

characters: Kurro, Akaashi, Kenma, Oikawa, Bokuto, Ushijima, Iwaizumi, Osamu, Atsumu, Sakusa

masterlist

HC The boys find out their crush is a cam girl / has an onlyfans account

Kuroo

AYT NOW LISTEN

it was late at night and he couldn’t sleep so ... there is one thing he hasn't tried yet...

now he’s on some popular cam girl website and scrolling through the different cams

then he stops

this one girl seems familiar

he clicks on it and

JACKPOT ?! its YOU ??? HIS CRUSH ???!

but OMG. he had the best night of his life sweety

but still.. he will now definitely ask you out on a date tomorrow.

after seeing your beautiful body and the way you moan and move

HONEY NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO SEE THIS AGAIN

other than that he probably thinks it’s hot af that you are a cam girl

I mean Kuroo aka pornstar

he loves the fact that you the sweetheart for anyone else but could be the pornstar just for him

smug af the next day he sees you from afar

shy af the second you come over

Akaashi

HE DID NOT OPEN THIS TAB OKAY

he did tho but HE DID NOT OKAY?

OKAY!

so anyway - his browser magically opened his one website

and he just hear someone talk

he recognised the voice but - NO... this can’t be you right?

yeah jokes on him

he chocked on his on salvia when you walk in the view of the camera wearing nothing but some sexy black lingerie

GURL. BITCH THOUGHT YOU WERE A BABY?!

but now he knows you aren't

you definitely aren't

but he now wants you to be his babygirl

and he wants to look away.. but he can’t

soooooo ..... yeah. he had some fun that night

wasn’t sure how to look into your eyes the next time he saw you tho

Kenma

he did not find you

Kuroo did

and yes he immediately sent him the link with a voice memo of him basically just screaming

the said link lent to an onlyfans account

despite the fake user name, he instantly recognises the birth mark on your arm

yes the many times he watched you when you all were out with friends made him recognise this stuff

so did he pay to see the rest of the pictures and videos?

yes.

was he embarrassed?

oh hell yes.

was he still enjoying it?

yes.

is he now able to look into your eyes?

no.

Kuroo has to do all the magic to make him speak to you now - because you are, despite the account you got, still a shy bean who can’t talk to her crush

Oikawa

screams in the middle of the goddamn night

you - you just brought him chocolate a few hours ago?

and now your stripping in front of him? I mean you don't know that he's watching since you just do it in front of the cam

his little oik-oik is growing

he thought you were innocent?

will sent the link to IWA-CHAN

with a “LOOK AT MY CRUSH OMG”

after your lingerie is off and you took out a toy he sent another message

“WAIT NO DONT LOOK AT HER”

he will be all cocky tho when he sees you the next time

you walk up to him, saying a cute and shy “hello” and he’s just

“you haven’t been this shy last night”

you panic and run away which results in him panicking running after you screaming apologises

Bokuto

He is hyped

OMG

Poor Akaashi will probably know about all of this too

he has so much fun watching you online - imagining that you are here with him at this moment doing all of this just for him

which you secretly do since you’re also imagine him watching this

will open this website more often the following days then he would admit

i’m not sinning that much to actually write down the stuff that’s going on in his head

the next time he sees you

he does question if it was really you who he saw online

you are nothing like the girl he saw there

SOOOOOOO he straight up ask you

“hey y/n !!! are you (your username)” he smiles and tilts his head

you just black out

Ushijima

again poor baby

Tendou and Semi told him to visit this site - hot farmers advice

this baby thought he’d actually learn something he could tell you - his crush - since you recently TOLD HIM that you try to grow some tomatoes

but when the site finished loading

HE WAS NOT EXPECTING TO SEE YOU ON THERE

with nothing less than lingerie, an oversized plaid shirt AND a straw hat

you’re on all fours and the way you move and moan and talk to the camera

he wasn't really taking note of where his hand is wandering rn

soon after, you are now without a bra, he finds himself rock hard

the next day you tell him about your tomatoes WHICH ARE GROWING (!!!) he gets red af and just leaves

you look confused at a laughing Semi and Tendou rolling on the floor

Iwaizumi

he usually doesn’t do this stuff... but... it was some time until he got some

and he just wants you - so he doesn't want to hook up with some random girl

you’re pure and innocent and he accepts this and will wait for you too feel comfy enough so he can ask you out on a date

anyways he’s at this random website

and switches trough the channels to find someone he likes

and he chocks.

THIS CANT BE

YOU

he actually was about to text Oikawa but then stopped because Oikawa

he starred at the screen not even blinking

his hand is moving so fast

and all the things you say and the way you tease your viewers

omg

hny

he really wants to fuck some manners in you okay?!

awkward af the next day he sees you tho

yes talking about blushing IWA-CHAN

Osamu

his Laptop was broken

so he used Atsumu’s

WHO left this tab open

he let out a small scream, his normally stoic face falling

WHY ARE YOU NAKED ON HIS BROTHERS LAPTOP

now he sees that it’s an only fans

WHY IS HIS BROTHER PAYING TO SEE HIS CRUSH NAKED

but hey.. Atsumu’s not home... and he told him it’s okay to use his laptop..

a few minutes later he’s already worked up watching your beautiful body, his eyes following every movement of yours

he can’t really comprehend that you are the same girl that always comes to his shop, always stuttering and nervous while talking to him?

BUT HELL WAS HE ENJOYING IT

and those pictures of you in this maid uniform.

OH AND IS THIS CHOCOLATE ON YOUR BOOBIES

his imagination went wild

“OY i see you’re enjoying my present?” - Atsumu came back home

Atsumu

I mean it’s canon that he watches porn and is paying for some cam girls right?

so he’s looking for some now that look more like you - his crush.

someone cute and innocent

Gosh he loves it how easily you get flustered when he flirts with you

this one looks promising he thinks

and hell was it promising

it was you

surprise surprise

he was blushing for a whole minute baby

THAT ASS ?!

how tf have you hid that all the time?

SO many dirty thoughts

SOOOO MANY

will def call Osamu to his room

after he finished this lil problem down there obviously

Osamu is grossed out - he thought you are cool  and now he can’t look at you the same way

Atsumu tho - wont get that much sleep that night, your body and all the thing’s he’d do to you circling in his head keeping him up

is Atsumu enjoying this way too much the next day he sees you? Obviously YES

he will walk up to you, flirting, and when he’s about to leave he adds

“How about you skip todays stream and put on a show just for me?”

Sakusa

IT. WAS. NOT. HIS. IDEA.

Ratsumu sent him a link

our poor boy thought it was about volleyball and not something so dirty

he was CLEANING HIS ROOM WHEN HE OPEND IT

with the cleaning product you suggested to him

and now he sees you on his phone also cleaning

but with - with NOTHING ON ?!

he dopes the products and sits down on his bed - he knew you are beautiful but damn.. this hits different.

you with some MR. PROPER and WINDEX

PUHHH his fantasy is running wild WILD now that he sees you.. move .. and cleaning some of your toys and well

.... he needs to change the sheets and cleans again afterwards

ok so the next day... Atsumu already told you that he knows about your dirty little secret and that he sent it Sakusa to “help you two ”

Sakusa came and looked at you disgusted “You're dirty even tho you’re cleaning? that wasn't the way you’re supposed to uses those items.” he adds

“Then make me pure again?” you return ( @tendouthighs​​ about Sakusa) “- and show me how to properly use them”

#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu reactions #haikyuu requests #atsumu x reader #kuroo x reader #sakusa x reader #oikawa x reader

[the-kipsabian]

wrestling asks: 1, 2, 5, 13, 14, 16, 19, 24, 26, 27, 28, 30, 37, 39 ~

1. favorite current male wrestler im trying to think who ive been flipping my shit over the most recently, but yeah i think we have to go with trent. youve heard me literally cry over him the past few days and while yeah theres a lot of names up there with him, currently i think i can name him my number one. greg just makes me very weak fucking fight me

(rest is under a read more cause man there ended up being a lot of things lol)

2. favorite current female wrestler god this one is. so much harder tbh. i love so many girls but i also dont know if ive really ever picked any faves from the current rosters. tho now that i think about it, i might just have to give it to deonna purrazzo? shes amazing and watching her recently has been an absolute treat, god what a queen

5. favorite tag team why would you do this to me. how am i supposed to choose. my brain is fighting over so many rn but i think. it has to go to breezango? theyve been so entertaining since the very beginning and i still very dearly love these bois, they are talented as hell and deserved so much better than what they were given tbh

13. the best looking diva female superstar i can answer this one again since theres a many lol (i say and immediately my brain locks up as i cant think of anyone LOL)

buuuut lets do zelina. cause she makes me gay and shes tiny and just. helluva cute. fight me. also a literal queen so hell yes we stan

14. the best looking superstar uuuUUUH. fuck do i need to pick another one LOL

lets go to the other end of the spectrum, kip sabian! hes cute, i love his hair, his smile could destroy me for days, CROP TOPS and. i dont mean to objectify but dat ass tho

16. the best gimmick i already talked about seth so lemme bounce around a bit and mention mjf

not only is he better than you (and you know it). but he takes that to such extremes its amazing and hilarious at the same time. hes so over the top it works perfectly for him, and how he keeps the kayfabe going outside the ring too is fucking fantastic. hell he literally puts his own parents on blast on social media sometimes its fucking wonderful. he absolutely owns that shit, despite not being like the top guy of the company or even having held any titles recently, but there he just goes - being better than anyone else cause fuck you thats why. its fucking amazing i tell you lol

19. the best mic worker god theres. probably like ten million people i could mention in this one lol. im just trying to think who i love listen to speak honestly, but im trying not to be biased to my. other tastes lol (looking at you jay, i love your accent but my god it gets hot in here when you get angy and that doesnt work for this one LOL)

..you know what i think i gotta give this to cm punk. thats kinda outside the box for me but its also a very obvious answer, cause this man is very good tho. the way he speaks speaks volume and the way he talks is high key just mesmerizing. you just gotta listen to every word he says whether you like it or not. and im not even talking about the legendary promos rn, but just in general. this man is a god on the mic honestly

24. which wrestler would you like to see make a return? oh my god.. well i mean. define a return tbh. if we're talking about ppl that have retired officially, im heavily leaning towards aj lee tbh cause man i miss her in the ring.

if we're talking about just someone that hasnt been in the ring for a while due to, well you know, company bullshit releases. definitely breezango. i know dango is active but i havent seen him in anything cause im too lazy to try to look for stuff, but breeze hasnt done anything and im like. pls my boi come back i miss you and your precious face and in-ring abilities :(

(..also do kip and trent count for this like they are both out with injuries and i miss them both dearly i need my dumb bois back on screen pls)

26. one unpopular opinion of yours. ..impact is the best wrestling there is on television right now. dont even fucking @ me you know im right LOL

27. who do you consider underrated? ..how much can i repeat myself if i say kip sabian? man is hella talented, absolutely unrecognized about it, and he deserves the world. also a huge ass sweetheart and im just ugh. pls return soon kip ive seen your 'underrated and over it' stuff i need you back to kick ass soon plEASE

28. what about an over-rated wrestler? how many toes am i ready to step on is the question LOL. im gonna take the easy way out on this and just say charlotte, i never really got behind her hype and while im not denying her talent or anything, i just think theres more deserving girls in the roster that could easily take her place and at least slow down her title reigns cause man. i get it live up to the dad hype cause you brother couldnt but holy shit creative calm the fuck down okay

30. you get to make your own stable. who would it consist of? what is their name? listen i think we already know im bad at names so im just completely gonna sidestep that one LOL. also im taking this question as like. who would i put in a stable together, and not as who i would be in a stable together with, so lets roll with that lol

..tho ive been sitting on this for fucking ten minutes now and my brain is completely empty. get back to me about this at some point maybe i'll eventually have an answer for you lol

37. if you were on the original nxt who would you choose as your pro? are we only including ppl in that timeframe or can i pick whoever i want? cause if its whoever, its sami zayn. he has a style i adore, i feel like that would include some really fun on-camera chemistry, and he would either just enjoy being there or make it into a very dramatic "reality tv" which would also be fucking hilarious. also its sami, its a really good chance to actually learn something really valuable even tho this isnt like. probably actually couching and shit but you know. i'd never miss that chance tho

39. what is your best wrestling related memory? can i name three? cause i think i have three lol 1. when i introduced this interest to my wife like last year. im very selfconcious when it comes to telling ppl about my interests that are kinda out there, cause ive been dealing with a lot of shit that comes with it for a loooong time tbh, but its a huge part of me and shes my best irl friend and i was like. im gonna do it she can judge me all she wants. and she got SO into it and was super excited that i shared this with her and we watched a whole lot of stuff that weekend and everything was super great. god i love her

2. my first ever live show. so wwe took like a ten year break between coming to finland, and then they decided to show up again in 2019. now me and my brother are both adults compared to the last time they were here, we were both making our own income and were like FUCK IT LETS GO. and thus we ended up in our first ever live show. i still fucking tear up thinking that oh my god i saw all these peeps live. i was one of the few people (there was like. four of us, me and my brother and some kiddos across the arena) chanting 'sami zayn sucks' which is still one of my fondest memories ngl LOL. such an emotional and amazing night, would do again in a heartbeat and i dont even watch this company anymore lol

and 3. those two nights we watched battle in the valley with @ss-trashboat (feels high key weird to tag you in this since you asked this LOL). the first night the whole karl thing happened and i fucking lost my mind, you literally heard me cry on voice. and the second night just. as a whole. seeing buddy again after months since his release, you freaking out over will, just juice, both of us losing it over jay. and being sleep deprived to hell and back on both nights cause lol timezones and just man. i love wrestling and i love you so much this whole thing honestly meant so much to me im ah <33

wrestling asks ~

#ss-trashboat #thank you for asking! <3 #have i rambled enough am i now free lol #also putting this under read more cause theres. a lot. sorry not sorry woo

[satoruvt]

fanfic writer tag game <3

helloooo <3 thank u for tagging me @hannie-dul-set this is so cute lol

ummmm! i think i will tag. @leejuyeeon and @seokmingiggles !! and as always anyone else who wants to <33

peum ~

1. what fandoms have you written for (but do not currently)?

omg lets see if i can do this in order. i think the first fandom i ever wrote fanfic for was creepypasta LMAOO and then... fairy tail? then 5 seconds of summer, then maybe it 2017?? voltron legendary defender, detroit become human, monster prom and mystic messenger kind of overlapped, the arcana !!! then my hero academia, haikyuu, a Little bit of demon slayer... i think thats it lol

2. what fandoms are you currently writing for?

seventeen is all for rn, but i’m thinking of also writing for mha again and adding jjk!!

3. how long have you been writing?

oh wow for like... probably around 6 years? maybe 6 and a half

4. on which platforms do you post your stories?

rn just tumblr, i used to post more actively on ao3 but i havent since i started writing for kpop

5. what is your favourite genre to write?

ahhh like !!! comfort fics!!! i think theres something really sweet in those unspoken feelings during moments you think you’ll never forget... the idea of being with someone and you’re just so sure they’re your favorite person, and then warmth that comes with that realization... wahh

6. are you a pantser or a planner?

oh it depends i think. for longer fics i like to plan them out, but i really wing it with like timestamps or shorter ones

7. one shot or multi-chapter?

ONE SHOTS. my god i fucking suck at multi-chapter shit LMAOO ive only done 1 series like that and it was so rough for me lol

8. what is the perfect chapter length in your opinion?

hm how do i explain this... anything that makes sense? however long it takes for it to feel like the chapter/fic is summed up or completed. i used to worry about word counts a lot but now i rarely pay attention to them, both in reading and writing

9. what is your longest published story? is it complete?

if we’re talking about multi-chaptered, then the color of you wins at 17k !! in terms of one shots, it’s for now; forever at 9k!

10. which story did you enjoy working on the most?

oh boy. i think... anything from the last like. 8 months? my svt stuff for sure!! i went a while without writing in between like january-late november 2020, and i was worried that my writing would suffer a lot... it took a sec for me to get back into the groove of things but i’m feeling happier than ever with the stuff i write now. i feel like ive matured about the way i approach my own writing and ideas, and how i do everything, and my fics make me really proud. ive started writing within different aus that i hadnt touched before, or talking about different feelings or ideas, etc... i really feel like ive grown with this most recent burst lol, and i love working on them! i get so hyped up when im in the middle of writing or even planning, im just so excited to share all of it hehe

11. favorite request you've have written and why (if any?)

ah its been so long since ive worked with requests that i cant remember anything LOL

12. are there reoccurring themes in your stories?

yes. it is comfort and content. it is the feeling of love. it is holding hands on a walk in the middle of spring and smelling flowers. it is the sound of leaves when a gust of wind blows past. it is looking into ur lovers eyes and feeling nothing but pure fondness

13. current number of wips?

fuck like somewhere around 20 probably

14. three things you have noticed about your own writing?

i really like repetition (specifically in sentences if that makes sense??), LOTS of unspoken things (even if i picture a fic with an established relationship, i dont say it within the fic; and especially concerning romantic feelings, i love when things go unsaid and are FELT full force), i think a lot of detailed rambling... i really like to try and describe emotions and stuff in the most abstract and obscure ways lol i feel like it makes things a little more palpable and honest

15. a quote you like from a published story

im gonna do a few. Lol. firstly this long one from pretend people can unlearn:

“Are you…” Jeonghan starts, and when you look at him, his eyes are still on the city in front of you. “Are you ever afraid that we’ll fall out of love?”

It never occurred to you that this was love. It’s not like the love you’ve experienced in the past, not even close. But maybe… maybe that’s why you never leave, why you hold yourself back from certain arguments like it might fix everything. Maybe love is the reason why Jeonghan still seems to believe in you. Why he promises he’ll be the best thing for you despite always breaking that promise.

(Is it love, a voice in your head questions, or is it longing?)

It takes you a while to respond. “I don’t know,” you end up saying, because you really don’t. Jeonghan turns his head and looks at you, and you half expect him to start an argument in the middle of night, out on the street like this. It wouldn’t be the first time. “Would that… be okay?”

“I don’t know,” Jeonghan answers, just like you. His voice is soft. You want to reach for his hand just to hold it. “You’re still…”

He pauses, like he’s trying to find the right word. You let him take his time, for once, instead of accusing him of the worst. “I’m still?”

“Everything,” he tells you. He looks so sad and you reach out for him because it’s the only thing you can offer. You think the worst thing about your relationship with Jeonghan is that you will always believe him when he gets like this, just like you’ll believe him when he takes it back in the heat of a fight.

next is from like there isn’t something missing <3

But you’re crying into his chest because it’s not you, and it’s not him. Seungcheol wonders if it was always meant to be like this, if the two of you were always meant to part or if something… if something just went wrong, somewhere. A bump that did a bit more damage than either of you thought.

He tries not to think about it now. Tears fill his own eyes as he presses a kiss to your hair because he loved you. He truly did.

“I was so lucky to love you,” he murmurs, voice a cracked whisper. “I’m so happy I got the chance.”

When Seungcheol wakes up the next morning in an empty bed, he’s not surprised. But the Post-It note that’s dressed in your handwriting…

Well. It’s over.

and this last one from only for you, i will dance !!

“This will always be our own time,” he says. “We’ll meet here.”

You know. He says it every time. It never fails to make your heart soar.

“Our thirteenth month,” you say, just like every time. Chan smiles.

He kisses you so strong you feel yourself falling.

16. a quote from an unpublished story

ahh ok ill do a few here too!!! one is something ive begun writing, the other is one that i’ve just been working on planning out <3

Smoke blows past somebody else’s lips and partially obstructs Wonwoo’s view of you.

He hasn’t been to a party like this in a long time. It’s elegant, more of a gala than anything. He can’t remember who threw it or for what reason. It doesn’t really matter, he supposes, watching you make conversation with the partygoers. They all have old money to throw around, the symbolism stitched into their suit jackets and red-rimmed heels; remnants of it left on tables and in the contents of expensive cigars.

You play them like you are one of them, tell them the right things with a silver tongue. Wonwoo always watches, plays the part of an observer. It’s impressive, the way you float around the room like it’s nothing.

Wonwoo observes; Wonwoo knows things.

and the second one...

"you don't know me," you respond. your voice carries no bite, just a fact, and joshua knows this

"i want to," he says after a second. "if you'll let me."

and he's asking permission to be your friend, to be close to you, something so tender and strangely polite

it makes you feel almost sad

"don't expect too much," you say, a little teasing. joshua only smiles

17. space for you to say something to your readers

wahhh thank you all so much!!! when i first got into writing for kpop it was a lot different mostly because i think... i was writing stuff for different anime before, and i had built up a big following because of that and my works always did like, really exceptional in terms of notes and feedback and such, and getting into kpop... has been rough on that end 💀 but i appreciate your support thus far, even if it’s small... i’m still working towards a standard that i have for myself!!! so please be patient with me, thank you for the support !!

also please find it in yourself to leave lil comments or any sort of feedback... please..... PLEASE... any creator ever understands this struggle please always try to do this!!! for me and for any other creator you follow and enjoy content from <333

#wah these things r so fun. cries #tag games #adi speaks

[watchyourbluesturngolden]

my annotations for chappy 11 of ysijwa

this is just for drea and leyla to read so if you're not drea or leyla pls keep scrolling :)

ok this is pretty chaotic and like i said earlier i treated this ike a wattpad comment section so... have fun ig :)

SHERLOCK AND WATSON CINEMATIC UNIVERSE SHUT UPPPPP I LOVE YOU SM DREA

NOT MISS SNAP CRACKLE POP

jealous y/n you say???

now i know why you ignored all my tiktok asks lmao

HELPLESS OH MY GOD

truly madly deeply intended :)

damn he's kind of a narcissist yk? like "I have to be serious my entire family depends on it" shut up mr darcy you're not special

devout in his religion hmmmmmm hopefully we see some more religious trauma content bc me too vampy

awww he wants kids but now he cant have them bc hes... dead :(

AWWW his sister taught him to knit :( if he doesn't knit bloodbag a sweater i swear to god

stuffy moron is correct

"IT'S A FUCKING WONDER HE EVER GOT LAID" OIJRIOJWEIOJIEWOJFIOEJOF

"THE ATROCITY THAT IS BEING ACQUAINTED WITH NIALL AND HIS HORRIBLE AFFINITY FOR CHEAP FLANEL" ORJFOIJFEIOWJ YOURE SUCH A POET

he's so dumb she was with him bc he's hot that much should be obvious to him🙄

FOOLISHLY HOPELESSLY UNMEASURABLY IN LOVE HWAT THE FUCK DREA IM SAD

i love that he remembers the spinal cord dislocation and the dead leaves . like yea im dead rn but the leaves in my hair are really what's bothering me the most

what the fuck is a maw

ok i looked it up i get it now

"attachment is for gullible idiots" yup and youre one of them vampy 😌

"the warmest skin his icy fingers had ever had the good fortune to touch" im so soft rn

oh so now she has "a wholesome beauty about her nature" ? i thought she was just cute enough 🤨

HE THINKS HER SMILE COULD RESTART HIS HEART THATS SO CUTE IM OUHOIJFOEWIJFIOEWJ

"the responsibility of keeping her safe, satisfied, and happy" how 🥺 🥺🥺

"as long as he breathes" i thought he didn't breathe lmao BUT I GET THE SENTIMENT

"always when it comes to her" IM SCREAMING RN THIS IS SO SOFT I CANT

ill never forgive him for being so dense either his brain is basically a rock

HE WANTED TO COMMUNICATE THAT HE BELONGED TO HER IM GONNA HAVE A STROKE

couldnt be me i dont want to be percieved

HE ADDED A FUCKING BUTTERFLY AFTER THE DISCO BALLS IM OIWFJIOEWJFIOEJIOEWNOJIWJ(*H(WUIOFJIOEWJFIOWHVIFUEH)U)($UT

HEY a hamilton obsession is not childish😤

'the only person who was allowed to touch him there was y/n' he's like a little kid who's possessive omggggggg

oh this reminds me i rlly hope everything in that chest was new and had never been used on anyone else owijfowiejfioewj

oh please my irish king can control himself let y/n meet the other vamps🙄

"if they knew all along why did it take so long" yk im wondering the same thing dummy

"every day was a battle to earn her love and affection" wtffff how could she hurt him like that he is just a baby

i think he needs therapy tbh

yes he does deserve to be treated with respect and dignity😤

"supporting and tolerating them despite your differences" exactly unless they're a republican

IM SORRY THAT WAS MEAN OIWFJOIWJFEIOw i said what i said tho

they did everything backwards but it's what baby needed🥺

im literally gonna 🔪 bradley how dare he hurt my favorite ribeye like that

PROPER BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND BONDING PLSSSSS im sure he makes sure to say stuff like "as your boyfriend' or 'since youre my girlfriend' all the time now

"everything that has to do with harry has always and will always make her feel safe and secure" ...who's gonna tell her👀

HE BECOMES CLINGY IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UP

awwww my love language is also quality times bestiesssssss

(this is more serious you might want to change the words to nose kisses or something because esk*mo is a slur)

HE wants to be wrapped in HER arms and get forehead kissies like a little baby🥺🥺

i can tell you wrote this chappy bc leyla would never write about ice cream

IF CHRIST CAN GET A DATE MARKER SO CAN HARRY OIFJOEIWJFIOEWJFWI PLSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE HIM

ALWAYS FOR HER WEJFIOJWEIOFJEWIOFJOIEWJFOIEWJF HES SO IN LOOOOOVE

HE DID IT AND IM SO PROUD OF HIM🥺

omg i have a thot imagine if she got a heart murmur or something and obvi he knows bc he can hear it so now he has to find a way to make her get it checked out out without being suspicious 😭

HE ROCKS HER TO CALM HER DOWN WHEN SHES HAVING NIGHTMARES IJFEOWIJFOIWEFJ

“nearly blinds himself for eternity” what a drama queen i love him

maybe learn how to turn your brightness down grandpa

“can women sense emotional distress” why is this so funny oiewfjwieojfioewj

DEHUMANIZING OWEIJOIAJAKLFSDJLKSDJFKLD

not a psychotic episode 😭😭

crippling mommy issues woejfkljdklsjsdf me too king

awwwww he made her a full buffet i would cry

matchy socks im gonna sob

king is a chef 😌

y/n’s head @ harry’s clavicle rn: 💥

“his plush chest” drea its ok you can say titties

“absolutely flawless”? are you sure shes not just cute enough 🤨

he got her oat milk 🥺the sign of true love

hes such a shithead i love him

SPELLING HIS NAM E ON HER TUMMY IM HAVING ANOTHER STROKE

“I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE” HES SO WOIFJSJFSDKJKLSDJF

HE DIDNT HAVE TO DO NIALL LIKE THAT 😭😭

RAPUNZEL HAIR OSIDJSKJKLSJF

she traces a tiny heart on him wtfffffffffff im sad

this… is hot

“theres no room on the counter” owifjlksjfslkfjklsj

HE WOULD WALK THROUGH FIRE FOR HER maybe then he’d be a little less cold

im sorry that was wrong of me lisjfskldjfwoiejewiojrei

OH MY GOD OWEIJFKLJSKLFJL SHES SO BOLD “can’t i?” OSIJFKSLJLKJF

oh boy hes gonna kill her

I WONDERED WHEN THE YOURE HOT WHEN YOURE MEAN THING WAS GOING TO COME UP

literally shut the fuck up mr english major

do it bestie kick him in the balls

SPARE BOOBIES MAAM I CNAT BELIEVE YOU aCTUALLY WROTE THAT OWIFEJWIJEKLJFOIEWHOEWIFEHFLKEWJFKLEWJKLJFL

IM WHITE IM ALLERGIC TO SPICE WEJFLKJFKLEJFLKJSKLJKFSJD

“character development at its finest” what a self aware king

y/n stop being mean to him baby just wants to feel close ☹️

“I’m anemic” ok king whatever u say

“ME AND MY CHRONIC ILLNESS IM SENSITIVE” IJFKLSDJFKLJSDKLJ

ahhhhhhh it’s yoga time

“just ask your cervix” jlksdjflksdjflkdsjflk

“if only you knew” ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

yeah y/n isnt like those other girls 🤪 shes different 🤪

yes bestie objectify him

THERE IT IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THIS ENTRIE BOOK

PERHAPS MY FAVORITE LINE IN ANY BOOK EVER

“He hasn't been this stiff since rigor mortis”

i think about this on a daily basis i truly do

grey shorts? what a slut

“call the lapd im pressing charges” me after walking up the stairs

OH SO THIS IS WHERE THE GREYS ANATOMY CHARACTERS FROM THE SPOILERS WITHOUT CONTEXT COME IN

him using his shirt as a towel im BARKING

“I wasnt jealous” yea ok 😃

AGAIN HIM DRAWING HIS INITIALS ON HER SKIN THATS SO WOIJFSKLDJFLSJ

yeah harold she just wanted a little kiss 😤

yeah 😃 its bc he ran track 😃

no bc thats so fucking cute that she pretended she had never seen the show before bc he was excited to introduce her to it 🥺

I would do the same tbh i feel like it would be fun to wash dishes with harry idk why

“that skank” oisjksldfjklsjfklsdjflkd

YOUR THICK SKULL COULD DAMAGE THE MARBLE LSKFJKLDSJKFLSDJFKLSJFKLSJKLSJLDKFJLSKDJF I WOULD CRY

he gets her a cup of water 🥺

ok but like wouldn't she want to wash her hair after it got all sweaty at yoga

awwwww she got his toothbrush ready for him why am i so soft rn

memory foam mattresses sound nice but actually they kind of suck bc you sink down and feel trapped in them 😃

HE WATCHED THE TIKTOK SHE SENT HIM IM HAVING A THIRD STROKE

niall is probably on the dumbest side of tiktok idek what side but it’s probably annoying and he thinks it’s hilarious

noooo baby youre not a monster🥺 someone give him a hug rn

well actually you are kind of a monster but its ok we still love u bestie

I too run on caffeine and pizza pockets 😌

TONSIL HOCKEY WHAT THE FUCK OIEJFLSDKJFKLSDJFLSJLKFJSDKLFJ

chatsnap hes such an old man 😭

true lmao if you dont have social media i immediately dont trust you

not the i just washed my hands tiktok 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HE FEELS STRANGELY PERCIEVED RN KJFLSJFLKSDJ IDK WHY THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BUT IM LIKE LEGIT LAUGHING

DO IT BESTIE BITE HIM CHOMP CHOMP

“my eyes are stinging” hes such a baby 😭

“MY SIGH”TS ALL FUZZY” SJFKDSLJFLKDSJFLKDSJFLK

“are you all right” “I dont know :(’ i cant handle this my face hurts from smiling lksjflkjafklj

he has a kitchenaid stand mixer omg thats so sexy

ok but has anyone ever gotten salmonella from raw cookie dough bc i think thats just a myth

fuck u for that one vampy

wow he could never deal with my chronically ill ass

WAIT IS IT WAP

NOPE ITS BETTER LSDFJSDKLFJDS

I agree body is absolutely an instrumental masterpiece

I KNEW HE KNOWS SOME TIKTOK DANCES I KNEW IT

“I know youre kinda into that (getting smacked in the face)” SHUT UPPPPPPP SKJFSKDLJFDS

NOT HIM TWERKING SLKFJSDKLFJDSKLFJDSKL

YES YN GET THAT VIDEO AND BLACKMAIL HIM

“I think i popped something” ok old man 😭

why is the word wench so funny lkfjslkfjdslkfjsdlkfj

dont hand it over i want to see him snap

OH SHIT HE JUST JUMPED THE TABLE LSDFJSDKLFJLKDNMNXCMNJKHOIUIOEUR

oooooooooooo

OH MY GOD AGAIN SHE REALLY IS BOLD SLKDFJDSKLFJLSKDJFLKJFS

not guerrilla warfare 😭😭😭😭

do it bestie give him a concussion he deserves it

“no piece of art could ever compare to her” 🥺🥺

“remember that time you told me making out was childish” “no” i hate him 😭

THERE IT IS AGAIN “sex isnt the only way he can feel close to someone anymore” SHUT THE FUCK UP IM SOBBING

this reminds me of the dehydrated intercourse with demonrry

“don’t care, relationships are about sharing’ hes so sdjfksldjfklsjf

DO IT BESTIE KICK HIS KNEECAPS IN

suing disney for false advertisement 😭

THIS SCENE IS KILLING ME LKJFKLSJFLDSJ “just pucker your lips over it” “You have actual brain damage, dont you?” DREA I LOVE YOU KSDJFLDSKJFLKSDJ

how do those bubbles taste babe

ok drea wtf i was so happy and now this??????

“everything’s wrong” NO SHUT UP SHUT UP ITS HAPPY HOURS

not the boob privileges 😭

WAIT THIS IS FROM THE BSE MV ISNT IT “dance is just so hot rn” “depressing shades are just so hot rn”

NOT HIM GETTING ALL STUTTERY WHEN HE ASKS HER IF SHE WANTS A DRAWER 🥺

NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN THIS GENTLE WITH HIM BEFORE WTFFFFFFFF IM CRYING

“youre so fucking cute, my baby” me when i see literally any picture of him

JELLO HAS a STRONGER BACKBONE THAN THIS KSFJSDKLFJDSKLFJ

“betrayed. objectified. taken advantage of. used. “ i hate him sm 😭😭

OH MY GOD IS SHE GONNA SHAVE HIS FACE THATS SO CUTE IM

SHE ISsSSSSS IM SQUEALING

stop him worrying she’ll think it's weird and wont want to do it 🥺

“bold of you to assume id ever be convicted” PLS DREA LAKFJDKSLFJ

“the more you talk, the more appealing manslaughter sounds” I CHOKED DLSKFJDSKLFJDKSJFDSKLJ

HIM WHISTLING TO GET HER ATTENTION WHY IS THAT SO CUTE

Im sorry but its really funny to me how you wrote the sentence “wrong metal, he thinks ironically” … get it ? like IRONically lkfjdslkfj im sorry i’ll show myself out

“this boy?” what a fucking cutie i want to kick him

I forgot what a bop helpless is thanks for reminding me im gonna go listen to the entire soundtrack again-

theyre so fucking cute i hate them

so yea bascally this is the best thing ive ever read and i love you so much and my face hurts from smiling :)))

#annotations #ysijwa

[grxceblqckthxrn]

hi @chocolatecarstairs came up with these post-CHOG questions and i really want to answer them because im sad that im finished reading it :((

MAJOR SPOILERS BELOW

what was your favorite part, 1 or 2?

Honestly I loved both parts, but I’d say I loved part two just a little bit more for the time that James wasn’t under the curse anymore and LOVED Cordelia

which scene in the book was your favorite?

EVERY scene that had Matthew and James being wholesome parabatai in it!!! my favourite chapter in this book was Blue Ruin, the one after Grace takes the bracelet back from James  (aside from the whispering room ofc).

what scene (or scenes) made you cry the most?

ok ngl i didnt spend much of this book crying, but the only scene that actually made me tear up was when james was dying and matthew could feel it and jesse (WHO I FUCKING LOVED MORE THAN I THOUGHT I WOULD) gave him his last breath :(((((

what scenes were unsatisfactory?

there were not enough Christopher scenes (but to be fair, even if the entire book was just Christopher it still wouldnt be enough for me)

but fr, i cant think of any off the top of my head but i’ll edit this if i do later

what made you laugh the most?

matthew!! james!! thomas!! christopher!! also some of the things Jesse said

what bored you?

this wasn’t boring, but the whole charles/alastair plot line didn’t have me very invested. I did love the alastair/ cordelia scenes tho, so it was just charles that was the problem

also no offense to james bc he was my first actual fictional crush after reading TMH/NBS but like whenever he talked about being in grace i would literally zone out lol the bracelet curse makes him so boring but whenever he isnt in the curse/ is with someone who is NOT grace i just!! love him!!

what disappointed you?

cassie honestly had me kinda shipping matthew/cordelia for a solid FIVE SECONDS there when he stepped in to dance with her after james left her standing there, but that was one of the only scenes that made me feel like they had natural chemistry (along with the scene where he drops her off at her house). I felt like the during the rest of their interactions in the book, cordelia was kind of uncomfortable, which made me really sad because even tho she has every right to feel that way, i felt bad for matthew. I kind of want him to fall for someone else completely and for it to be reciprocated. also, i just really want for matthew and cordelia to become good friends because i feel like they could have such great natural chemistry if matthew didnt love her.

what is the top thing you wish had been done differently?

see above.

what things did you predict that came true?

JAMES BURNING DOWN BLACKTHORN MANOR I FUCKING SAID HE WOULD DO IT TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO IF YALL WANT ME TO LINK THE THEORY LMK

what are some things that were really unexpected?

ok there’s quite a few things here so bear w me babes:

- James genuinely loving cordelia from the start. I wasn’t expecting him to naturally feel nothing for grace at all, so i was expecting a slow burn jordelia, but finding out that he actually loves her makes me so happy but the end where cordelia thinks he was just pretending breaks my heart :(((

-matthew liking cordelia lol definitely was not expecting another parabatai love triangle but i hope it doesnt last. i do think it adds to the plot and i love it, it just hurts to see matthew so emo :(((

-I was expecting to like cordelia as a character, but i ended up LOVING her so fucking much???? she’s so three dimensional to me, and it’s interesting to see how her personality adapts around different characters as people adapt around different social circles irl

-liking jesse as much as i did

-ok so james’ entire character was a surprise to me. it’s so fascinating to see how the bracelet actually affected his personality.If you recall him in The Midnight Heir from TBC. he’s like an entirely different person. i still loved him in TMH but i went into CHOG thinking that if he was gonna be like that the entire time i’d probably get over him really quickly. i was pleasantly surprised by how much i ended up loving him even more tho

-i didn’t expect oliver hayward to die and im going to stay emo about it

- Christopher is so much more clear headed than he was made out to be prior?? like there were so many scenes where he was fully there and when he defended anna to alastair i just kfdsnfkld i love him

are there characters that you didn’t like before that you like now?

yikes umm... Alastair, maybe? he’s somewhat okay to me now, I dont dislike him as much as I used to. ooh and Hypatia Vex. the only scene i remember liking her in QOAAD was when she helped out kit, ty and dru (me, going a whole TSC post without somehow mentioning kit? not possible)

are there characters that you liked before that you don’t like now?

I started CHOG ready to give Grace the benefit of the doubt, and I was surprised by how timid and shy she seemed at the start, but it was interesting to see how it was all an act and how she doesn’t have an actual personality yet. one could argue that she actually does love james, but i doubt it at this point. i dont hate her yet, even tho she IS fucking up james’ life, but she’s on thin fucking ice.

who was your favorite new character?

does new character mean completely new or just never been in a novella new? because for the first, it would be Cordelia (i LOVE her sm!!) and other wise it would be james, matthew and co. also!!! jesse!!

what places in the book would you like to visit?

that hell dimension sounds pretty lit ngl

did you like the ending?

ok so. we KNOW that jordelia is gonna be endgame. cassandra clare always takes the hardest path to get there, but when has she not delivered? it’s just a matter of waiting. so, yes, i did like the ending in sense of the plot because it was a great twist, but i also feel really bad for all of them even tho ik they’re eventually gonna be together :(((

what did you think of the epilogue?

i wasnt surprised, since we alr know that Tatiana is shady asf, but i just really wanna know how she partnered up with a GREATER demon like lol wtf. again, im really happy in terms of plot with this

what are your thoughts on the engagement?

i feel so. fucking bad. for cordelia. and james too, even tho he’s under the bracelet’s curse so he doesnt even KNOW he’s being manipulated. but i love how even through the curse, james still loves cordelia in his own way.

what did you want to see that didn’t happen?

matthew getting therapy periodt

umm honestly i just want more “merry thieves” content like i just love. all of them.

what do you wish had been resolved that wasn’t?

i really want matthew to tell james or cordelia what happened because i just need him to be loved and supported lol i want to give him a hug. 

what is your favorite pairing as of now?

jordelia!!! and lucie and jesse are kind cute rn, and i like them if theyre gonna be pining after eachother but i feel like if they actually get together i wont like the relationship as much.

which characters would you like to see more of in the next book?

CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER CHRISTOPHER 

ANNA!!! i lovED reading about her she’s so badass

matthew!! jesse!! also i wanna see more of those bitchy girls lol just so we can see anna or cordelia tell them to stfu

what is one character whose death you would undo if you could?

ok i know that jesse is still very much a conscious character despite being dead but like,,, i want him to be the way he was before and also i want him to come back to life

and barbara!! she seemed so sweet 

which characters got bad/unsatisfactory endings?

ummm barbara? i cant really say much on this yet bc its still only the first book and when has the first book ever ended up with anyone being happy.

oh but also can we sign a petition to make cassie let matthew actually survive the series because my heart aches just at the THOUGHT of eventually having to read a scene where he dies

which characters got what they deserved?

literally. none of them yet. :(

who should have died but didn’t?

Tatiana lol also lowkey charles but i also feel pity him to an extent 

what plotline are you most excited to see in the next book?

okay the entire jesse plot has me hooked because i LOVE his character. also i love the bracelet plot but its making me MAD because i just want james to be happy but

what is one scene that you wish hadn’t happened, but you know was unavoidable?

THE ONE WHERE GRACE PUTS THE BRACELET BACK ON JAMES. i mean obv there was no way he was completely done with grace, but i literally got so sad at that part like why HIM of all people smfh let him be happy

which pairing do you like the least?

alastair x charles, grace x james, lucie x matthew bc neither of them actually like either imo lol

what are some theories you have for chain of iron?

- not necessarily for COI but i think matthew is gonna get exiled and turned into made into a mundane

- the bracelet will break (?)

- jesse will come back to life (like actual life) at the end of the book

-grace is gonna do something to help the main characters, making it hard for us to hate her.

what characters do you think should have gotten more plot time?

lol are yall gonna hate me if i say christopher again (also anna)

anyways this was really fun!!!!! PLEASE ASK ME STUFF ABOUT MY OPINIONS AND STUFF OR JUST SAY ANYTHING ABT THE BOOK BC IM DESPERATE TO TALK TO PPL ABOUT IT

#chain of gold spoilers #chain of gold #james herondale #Cordelia Carstairs #Matthew Fairchild #lucie herondale #anna lightwood #thomas lightwood #alastair carstairs #charles fairchild #christopher lightwood #grace blackthorn #jesse blackthorn #tatiana blackthorn #the last hours #tlh #cassandra clare #the last hours spoilers #chog spoilers

[disaster-j]

HOW ARE WE FEELING oh my fucking god. This was like. An amazing episode holy fuckkkkk. First we got like pangwave sharing earphones and :((((( wave is legit the best like OMG WE ARE PRISONERS ARE U NOT ALLOWING ME TO PEE WTF i hated punn for the first part and then now i love him wtf??????? and claire doesnt like him anymore oh no punn is probably going to cry and also everyone leaving pang was heartbreaking as always and i SCREAMED when chanon came ALSO CHANON DROVE THEM TO POM U KNOW [1/?]

WHAT THAT MEANSSSSS but then pom and supot are fucking cowards i hate them i hate them everything was going so well oh and im so glad that pang didnt mind control holy shit!!!!! Ik im scrambling all over holy hell omg i still dk what happened w the ministry and shit and also yeah wtf was that egg ad again what. Also i love time grace and third a lot!!!!!! And i think that was all ok wow i cant

afagahsvhwhs im sorry I took a whole week to reply😭 I didnt mean to ignore you I swear! When I saw the ask I was still processing so I thought I'd answer it later except then I just forgot like I forget everything not directly in front of me😔 Sorry!!!!

So, by now you'll likely have watched the new episode but know that I haven't and probably won't tonight cause I have some stuff to do rn. So imma just talk about what I thought was going on this past week and you can tell me if I'm right?

1. WE ARE FEELING TIRED AND MAD while the writing on this show is amazing, being a Punn stan is HARD rn my child is hurting and no one cares enough to do anything about it😭

2. Goddam the pangwave in that episode was so amazing! That earphone scene agsyhshw if that's not a sign they're endgame then WHAT ISSSS!?!? Also, yes, Wave is so incredible this season every scene with him is a blessing.

3. I ca totally understand not liking Punn rn. I feel that way about Mon what with her constantly ignoring the fact that Korn tried to mass murder a bunch of children and only caring about him and his wellbeing and nothing else but yeah Punn! I don't like him siding with the ministry any more than the next person but I can understand why he did it. Rn he's feeling betrayed and is isolating himself. He's at his most vulnerable and Darin has been using it as an opportunity to manipulate him into doing her bidding. We've seen how she's been using her relationship with his family to get him to trust her since she showed up and bc of Korn's betrayal she was finally able to accomplish that. Punn is only siding with her bc he wants things to be better and he doesn't want to be at war anymore. He's a kid, that's a perfectly valid thing to want. But ultimately, it's not his choice. They're at war either way and he chose the side he thought would do the most good, not realising that neither side outweighs the other in terms of evil shit they're willing to pull. So yeah, I love him and as always I am hella worried for my boy.

4. It sucked so much seeing everyone leave Pang but I can't say I didn't see it coming. He'd lost their trust a while ago and so far he hasn't done anything that would help get it back. Even Wave has his reservations about Pang right now, despite him being the only one to stick around I don't think he fully trust Pang like he used to. Not to say he thinks Pang is using him or doing something bad, but just that he doesn't quite believe in Pang's leadership the way he used to. At least that's what I've gotten so far.

5. CHANON! AND! POM! How dare they bring those two so close and yet not let them meet wtf is up with that!?!? There's some big reveal coming for Chanon x Pom I just know it. I swear when Pom was trying to take the vials from them I was so sure Chanon would walk in and stop him but then nothing? Fucking? Happened??? I was so confused. How did he really just drop em off at the gate and just? Left???? Wtf?!?!? I hope they shed some light on that in today's episode and if they didn't imma riot. I'm tireeeeed this show is tiring me when will it end so I can write my cutesy au about Punn and his alters, one of whom is Rome who falls in love with Bright ugh I just wanna write the cute fics I wanna be done with this stress😭

6. I get why like we DO NOT want him becoming Supot 2.0 which is very likely to happen if he let's the power get to his head. But him not using at all even in crucial moments like that just gives me major Todoroki from Spirts Festival Arc vibes and I just wanna be Izuku and scream "IT'S YOUR POWER" like just use it for good instead of evil man!!! Lives are at stake!!!!!

7. What is the egg girl why is the egg girl i dont get why they are doing this to me how far are they gonna take this nonsense i have so many questions ugh but hey maybe if we all collectively ignore her existence it will go away?

8. I love the babies! Ngl I thought they were annoying episode one but now they are my new children and I love them and shall protect them with my life no one better hurt the children or I will riot!!!! Especially Time, no one touch Time, only happy moments for baby!!!!

That's it, that's all I've got, please tell me we get some real answers this episode? Or, better yet, Punn gets far away from Darin and actually talks to his alters instead of acting like they don't exist??

#again #sorry i replied a week late #im dumb sometimes #answered ask #anon ask #the gifted spoilers #the gifted graduation #the gifted #gifted anon

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 18

IN THIS EPISODE OF ROBLOX OOF NOISE:

“Yes.” Glynda couldn’t hang up, not without: “I’m—I’m sorry. About what I—”

“It’s alright. I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Okay—” The feed cut. Softly, Glynda said again, “Okay.”

GLYNDA DISCOVERS WHY BEING CINDER FALL SUCKS

do u know how hard it is to wake up and play animal crossing whilst knowing this chapter looms over yr shoulder,

OKAY HERE WE GO

She was fidgety; even Cinder mentioned her pacing, shooting a critical eye her way. Glynda sat, intent on stillness; moments later, Cinder mentioned her bouncing leg.

i LOVE it when a chapter calls me out just right out of the gate hahaha who gave u the right

"Really?" How long had they been doing that? How long ago had Cinder noticed? "Should I stay?"

cinder: maybe i should tell glynda abt that /see glynda pacing a dent into the floor cinder: ooooooor i could. NOT give her an excuse to bully them for something to do,

On her way down the street, Glynda couldn't help but stare at the car, its tinted windows revealing nothing within. As she passed it, she kept glancing over her shoulder, expecting an attack or something. But nothing came of it.

HJGDFSGSDFHKGHJDF GLYNDA,,,,,,,,,,, can u imagine being in the white fang, and sittin in yr fuckin. TINTED WINDOWED like BULLETPROOF CAR and yr sat on yr ass watching out for cinder “dumbass” fall and suddenly glynda goodwitch, The Top Bitch, comes out and starts GLARING YR CAR DOWN,,, like ah. i think she knows we’re here. hrm. hm.

i would just like. drive to mcdonalds and get some nuggies at that point.

She had a clutch of flash-images and a wash of emotions and impressions, the raw materials of memory, stored as-is without refining. She was quite used to that—most of her missions were hazy and rough in her memory, mere sketches of events.

i cant wait for glynda to become a vlogger if only so she can actually have physical proof of whatever the fuck happens whenever she goes out and about. get her a go-pro.

It told her: despite her restlessness, despite the arduous journey here, and despite the way Vale seemed to call for her from somewhere beyond the horizon, she felt quite content to be where she was.

the difference having a gf has huh,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, u got a whole ass home (being cased by the fang) a real nice city to live in (its floating and atlas wants yr number) a bunch of unread msgs (from a [redacted] who [redacted]) and its a nice day!!! its all coming together. but probably not for very long,

(i got very distracted at this point making a line graph for the animal crossing stalk market so here we go, x2 edition,)

That meant the nightlife would soon begin. She had never liked crowds; too many people, too much input at once. It was hard to focus, to be comfortable.

/chefs kiss

autistic glynda did u kno: id die for u,

Since she’d blocked Ozpin’s number, there was no chance of receiving anything directly from him—but there was still a moment of pause each time she checked her Scroll, as if expecting his smiling face to appear somehow.

OH YEAH LMAO SHE DID THAT SHIT HUH,,,,,,,,,, i still cannot BELIEVE that happened. GOD. cant wait for this to bite her entire ass right off her body,

By the time she reached the top landing, Winter had replied: “I wasn’t aware that you had additional support on this mission, Professor. I will need their full name and Hunter’s license number.”

To answer Cinder Fall and she doesn’t have a license, but she does have several warrants for her arrest felt like inviting Winter to question not only her integrity, but her sanity as well.

SDHGJFKSKGHDJFGJHDKF i cant say what makes this funnier because 👈😎👈 but HOHOHOHOOOOO could u imagine the fallout if she did just, say that shit. if we just went and fuckin said it like it was no biggie--

Finally, Glynda let her shoulders relax, exhaling deeply, like she would before rushing a Grimm. She wrote it plainly: “The clearance is for Cinder Fall.”

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

MA’AM WHAT THE F U C K

winter rn:

She’d just have to wriggle her way out of having to talk face-to-face, then return the game to a field she felt slightly more comfortable with: text.

okay this is so funny to me cause i just keep thinking of her sending ‘no reason’ to oz. a MASTER of textual conversion. un fucking PARALLELED in this field, UNRIVALLED,

Glynda tossed a look at the door as well, her mouth pulling into a line; what if Cinder came outside? What if—

Could Winter track her exact position using her Scroll signal? She minimized the projection of Winter’s face and hurried off in a random direction the instant she hit the bottom of the stairs.

i LOVE these two because this is the first time we’ve rly seen glynda like. Actively do smthng to defend cinder in this sort of way? she’s been pretty passivve abt letting cinder take the lead when theyre together but on her own shes thinking of all the contingencies to make sure winter cant find cinder and u know what. thats gay. what will u do for yr not-gf when yr talking to someone who would kick her ass in a hot second,

also im TAKING to grab choice lines here to comment upon but honestly this next section is SO GOOD that im rly struggling to find a line to encapsulate how much i am LOVING this convo. i cant say exactly WHY im loving it because again thats 👈😎👈 BUT KNOW THAT THIS IS VERY GOOD FOOD AND I AM ENJOYING IT. and im also enjoying this line a lot

Winter’s voice was decisive: “Professor, if you hang up on me, I am flying to your location—tonight.”

winter: if y’all dont shut the fuck up back there i am turning this car, city, and continent AROUND,

It was the same thing, over and over: people didn’t understand her and she didn’t understand them. It was an exercise in futility that only gave her grief. In the end, she gave up on trying to explain herself. She resigned to being wrong, to always being wrong, even when she knew she wasn’t.

OOF OKAY WHAT THE HELL IS UP W/ THIS FIC AND CALLOUTS. HUH??? ME BITCH!!! I FEEL THAT!! AND IT SUCKS,

/reads the next bit

oh are we donning our tinfoil hats? we’re donning our tinfoil hats.

It was so easy. Glynda didn’t stumble over her words even once; didn’t waver. She was built for doing harm. Her anger burned hot and clean; it excised all the hurt like a malignant tumor.

Maybe she really had learned something from Cinder—channeling her frustration, her guilt, her pain, all of it into anger like this was something Glynda was new to. But it felt good. She leaned into it, letting it take the reins; the distressing memories vanished like wisps of smoke, vaporized by the heat of her wrath.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS god this is. SO EXCITING. i also love it when ppl rub off one one another its my FAV thing in the WORLD and this anger is. WOO. this anger is. DANDY. its also a very short-term burst of pleasure glynda so enjoy that hollowed-out whoopsie feeling that i sure get when i Blow Up,

“She butchered my friend!” Winter snarled, the camera shaking as she slapped the desk. “She butchered my friend in the streets like he was cattle! And I have done everything in my power to help you! Everything! To keep her from doing the same to you, and you’ve blown me off or lied or—” Winter’s voice snagged. “And now you tell me—you accuse me—”

It was early evening in Umbraroot, but it must already be night in Atlas. The shadows revealed the unclean angles of Winter’s face: the bruises of exhaustion under her eyes, the lines of stress at the corners of her mouth.

im sorry im just copy-pasting wholesale at this point but OH this is GOOD. i cant rly explain. like. the difference-- because you’d think from the og version this is just a bit more flavouring right? its like getting a bit of hot sauce on yr chicken wings and yr like ‘okay it adds smthng but its not like a side meal’ BUT IT IS A SIDE MEAL this is like a whole basket of fuckin. cheese-baked fries. winter DESERVES this screentime she DESERVES to have presence in this fic and OH does she USE IT im LIVINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Glynda wanted anger. She wanted fire and brimstone. She wanted a fight.

What she got was the glisten of tears on pale lashes. A hand covering Winter’s trembling mouth.

The ashy taste of remorse in her throat.

THERES THAT HOLLOWED-OUT WHOOPSIE FEELING!!!!!!!!!!!!! THERE IT IS RIGHT ON TIME. its like CLOCKWORK,

She didn’t have anything. Nothing against that. The possibility that Winter might truly care what happened to her had been so insignificantly small and easy to trample. She had forgotten about the losses Winter shouldered the moment Cinder had whispered inheritance.

it’s just like clockwork,

also this chapter feels lengthy but maybe its just cause i got distracted with animal crossing so ill have to do a wordcount check at the end

/checks

no its lengthy this is a thicc one,

“I know,” Glynda said. “I know. I know how this sounds. But she’s the only person who makes me feel like—like I make sense.” In her mind, Glynda lay in the darkness of Cinder’s bedroom, watching the glaze of streetlights along her lips as she said you.

you,,,,,,,,, we,,,,,,,,,,,, our,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, its all that gay shit,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

“If I’ve learned anything, it’s that Cinder Fall is a tremendous liar. She could convince you it is raining in Vacuo, given enough time. Two years ago, I was working on the Argus base, where I met her as a client; she told me she was a merchant seeking entrance into Atlas—she had all her documents in order, her entire persona set up, and she sold it perfectly. She was flawless—and all of it was fake. She gave me no reason to doubt her. She was—”

Winter cut herself off, abruptly. Then: “Once I was comfortable and safe, she burned down my office and murdered my friend.”

YES,,, SLOWLY THE LORE PIECES TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! winter is once bitten twice shy, but mayhaps we mean,,, once burnt,,,, twice shy,,,,,,,,,, hrmmmm,

Glynda told Winter everything.

OH MAN,,,, we’re really getting this messy fucking trio up in this bitch i am SO excited. i am THRILLED. here! we! go!!!!!!!!!! also i said it before but again im so glad winter gets to Be Here for this. sure this has nothing to do w/ her destiny or w/e but shes here now. shes in the uber. she waiting outside.

The dying potted plant Glynda had spotted last time on the back wall’s shelf had been replaced with a new one; this one’s leaves were beginning to shrivel at the ends.

dsfjhhkljsdf side note: is this like that scene in finding nemo where all the new fish see the niece and go ‘oh no we’re gonna die’ but instead its plants getting taken into winters office? they go ‘im sorry, mate, but once you go into her office, you come out TOTALLY dead,’

okay so this whole convo happened and if i try to pick one section ill end up picking it all AAAAAAAAAAAAAA im dying out here. WINTER BLEASE,,, BELIEVE THAT SOMETIMES CINDER CAN TELL A HALF-LIE. A SORTA-TRUTH. A SEMI-HEMI-DEMI HONESTY,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

How different would that mission have gone? How different would her life have been?

She found herself saying, “He had so many chances to tell me. Instead, he let me think I was reckless. That I was a danger to other people. I stopped working in teams. I didn’t have many people in my life to begin with, but afterwards was worse. He saw to it that he was all I had, and he let me think it was my fault.”

ROBLOXOOFNOISEDISTORTEDWITHDELAY.MP4

OOF!!!!!!! O O F!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! honestly OOF that shit HURTS BITCH!!!!!!! thats BANANAS. WILD. im also loving (hating???) the increase of painful glynda lore and honestly everyone feels like they have So Much More that builds them up and im THRIVING off it. im also suffering for it.

With the video feed closed, Glynda could see she had new notifications. Missed calls. From Cinder.

Glynda’s stomach lurched. She stowed her Scroll before she could think about them.

At the mouth of the alley, she could see the shape of Cinder’s apartment in the distance. She stood there for a long time, staring, uncertain what to do with her hands, unsure what to do with her heart. Her jaw flexed. She remembered the tears on Winter’s lashes. The friend she’d lost.

Glynda took her first step toward the apartment.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and so the soft domestic shit ends. but nowhere near as explosively as id thought???????? HUH. H U H. must b because we’re gearing up for smthng honk honk honk

ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. this chap was SO good its astonishing (despite the [several] times i got distracted by animal crossing rip me). WINTER!!!!!!!! BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant believe this disaster trio is coming together. also cant wait for glynda to tell cinder the shit she just pulled. oh no,

(also the wordcount was 5,931. just in case u were curious)

#liveblog #rwby #offal hunt #HERE IT IS #so much went unsaid because the convos were SO juicy so PLEASE read it #dfsghsdfjgh

[mayapenelopeclutterbucket]

My thoughts while TGD 2x18 “Trampoline” aka a long ass post because I started out with no expectations and got everything I freakin wanted oh my god I’m still freaking out 😭😭 my thought process was a whirlwind lemme tell you

So a little stressed and worried about tonight’s ep with shea probably crumbling for good and shaun being in the hospital and melendaire going down the drain *sigh* but I just need to remind myself that I didn’t get so into this show and become active on tumblr because of the ships but because I love the characters and the storyline and shaun overcoming challenges of being autistic and fighting against ableism and need to remember that and remind you all to in case you’ve forgotten as well

-reliving shaun being upset was heartbreaking omg

-shaun bby no where tf is the bartender

-😂 v blunt lady and omgggg Lim making jokes about it I love her also why do I feel like this is either a hint with the “subservient” thing saying melendaire will never happen :// BUUUT why can’t it if they just have the same review/hr going going over it as well I also don’t have to have my melendaire while Claire is still his resident but I would still like moments between them OKAY?!

-🤮🤮 I’m disgusted I knew this moment was coming a dramatic kiss omg wtf I’m done already and this is so awkward omg

-yes Claire give them that look realize you LIKE MELENDEZ

-lmaooo damn morgan throw park under the bus but omg yes she DIDNT DENY BEING GAY OUTRIGHT GIVING ME HOPE OF HER BEING BI/PAN PLZZZ 🙏🏼🙏🏼

-that’s a fucking lie han, Melendez and Andrews have both challenged him and and our now backing up their boy and believe he can do it at least fucking Andrews is which is surprising because god knows Melendez has hardly interacted with Shaun or stuck up for him this season despite them having that moment in the finale last year

-a shaire moment fuck yes 😭 Claire being compassionate and inspirational as always

-I’m so in love with Claire Browne and I know I’m reading into ships too much but Claire saying she wants to fall in love after seeing l*mlendez isn’t a coincidence right?? Or is it a shaire hint which I’m not COMPLETELY opposed to if I can’t have my melendaire but if shea doesn’t work out I think Carly should come into the picture more 👀👀

-omg 😭 shaun wants to be a dad

-This shaire acting out interaction is giving me so much life oh my good it’s cuteness freakin overload

-what the fuck what the fuck glassman you’re proposing what the fuck

-I’m just looking into everything because that seemed like a parmorgan moment with him being young and can still have kids 😂 also why does Park suddenly look v young in this ep

-shaun being blunt as always I love it and so does Carly

-😂 morgan is such a kiss ass I love her and did Neil have that face because of her doing that or because he’s not secure in his relationship with lim 😏😏

-oh shaun honey why are you lying please get checked out and Claire please press him more for info

-and yes I fucking love Carly backing up shaun and doing the test for him

-really shaun is going to get in trouble for how he talks to patients but we have fucking park saying shit like that to an old woman and Morgan has done the same too in the past like really?!

-Fucking tell him lady and I can’t believe morgan is being more compassionate then someone else for once

-shaun finally opening and telling people how it is like yes let him be sad and angry before making him move on

-and shaun bby nooo the collapse has come

-what the fuck why isn’t anybody else in the room for/with shaun besides Claire isn’t anybody else worried

-gdi han hitting Andrews where it hurts he hates looking like a fool but I’m still hoping Andrews will override him like he wants and bring shaun back like I’m still so shocked he’s fighting for shaun like this

-aww finally Melendez showing care for shaun and not wanting to risk even 1% chance of him getting worse 😭

-that’s so adorable Claire getting into character for shaun and getting camera angles and movements like he does for his epiphanies and visuals

-omg Claire asking for a step stool to be Shaun’s height 😂

-ok Lea don’t say yes because you feel guilty and like you have to

-YESSS I FUCKING LOVE CLAIRE IM IN LOVE SHES SO ADORABLE AND SMART AND FIGURED OUT WHAT SHAUN SAW

-ugh shaire is being so cute tonight separately and together shaun being happy Claire figured out the diagnosis

-and this old lady was a fucking trip what the hell

-please don’t let me down Andrews like you’ve done before

-I love you Daniel dae Kim and wish your character wasn’t an asshole so you could stay but sayonara my dude

-I literally just yelled oh shit and oh my god and I still want to yell ASSHOLE ANDREWS IS NO LONGER GOING TO BE GIVEN THAT NICKNAME EVER AGAIN I CANT BELIEVE HE JUST FIRED HAN TO TO KEEP SHAUN FUCK YES OH MY GOD THIS IS AMAZING AND SO MUCH DEVELOPMENT AND SO FUCKING AWESOME FOR SHAUN TO HAVE PEOPLE BACKING HIM LIKE THIS OH MY GOD

-so now chief of surgery is available so I’m hoping from this l*mlendez moment they’ll break up or will have have tension now and Melendez will go have a moment with Claire 👀

-oh my god this is the best moment fucking ever oh my god I don’t even care that Neil did that for Audrey (which is hella surprising in my opinion) BUT THEYRE BREAKING UP OH MY GOD YES THIS IS IS LITERALLY THE BEST EPISODE AGAIN AFTER THE SHIT SHOW THATS BEEN HAPPENING AFTER THEY SLEPT TOGETHER OH MY GOD MELENDAIRE GROUP CHAT WE WERE RIGHT YALL IM FREAKING OUT SO BAD AND MY HANDS CAN HARDLY KEEP UP BUT WE WERE FUCKING RIGHT AND THEY BROKE UP BY THE FINALE

-WE KNEW THIS SHIT WOULDN’T LAST FUCK YEESSSS DUDE

-The fact that I can finally use this gif 🙌🏼🙌🏼

-oh my god yes shaun please tell me you’re going to Carly and Lea don’t have regret idk how I feel it’ll be a twist if it’s a love triangle with Shaun, whoever he’s going to ask out and Lea

-aww glassman and Debbie it’s actually cute especially since they’re real life husband and wife but y’all should already know that

-and this is not the wedding I thought I’d be getting but I ain’t mad

-omg yes yes yes yes it’s Carly YESSSSS I’m freaking out and cheering like shaun is

-HOLY SHIT THIS EPISODE WAS ACTUALLY SO FUCKING AMAZING AND ENDED BEAUTIFUL 😭😭😭

-can I just say I’m so glad Carly is back and I so fucking called her and shaun happening blessss 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼

-honestly just forget what I said at the beginning of this about ignoring ships because right now mine are sailing so I’m sorry if yours aren’t and imma die happy rn ok

-brb tho gotta read the 350 texts the group chat had during the ep

#brb yall dying #melendaire shippers come cheer about ot with me in my ask or comment on the post #the good doctor #tgd #claire browne #neil melendez #melendaire #shaun murphy #2x18 #trampoline #morgan reznick #shea who #what is carly and shauns ship name #alex park #audrey lim #marcus andrews #you wonderful man 😭 #fck you han #aaron glassman #lea dilallo

[guktwt]

love yourself tour experience! ♡  japan and singapore

hi! so i’ve been wanting to make a post like this for a while on twitter but i hate twitter rn so here i am. this january i was blessed with the opportunity to attend love yourself in nagoya (japan) and singapore and honestly? it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. i wanted to share my experience because really, concerts in japan and everywhere are else are so different, right from ticketing and the show itself. i thought you guys would find it interesting? and also i need to let this out ahhh keeping to myself is not going to do me any good :( anyways, i hope you find this post somewhat entertaining 💞

under the cut because this got really long sorry 

♡ love yourself in nagoya ♡

first of all, tickets. getting concert tickets (and any ticket, really) in japan is tricky. most kpop groups in japan have a fanclub and if you’re a member, you get the benefit of applying for tickets first (like a presale!). did i say apply? yes i did. in japan, ticketing for concerts adopts a lottery system for presale and general sales usually a month later. 

for presale through fc, you’d have to apply for a lottery on a website and wait to find out if you win or not. you need a fc membership (paid), which also needs you to have a japanese phone number and address in order to apply. and you HAVE to pay your presale tickets in japan because you need to pay them in a convenient store. complicated, i know. FC presale tickets usually give the best seats. there’s no gurantee, but that’s usually the case. fortunately for me, i have a cousin residing in japan to help me with the address (you really need it, they’re going to ship you your membership card) and i found someone on twitter to help me make the payment. if you a apply for lottery, there’s no guarantee you’ll win. so you can apply as many times as you want with a maximum of 2 tickets for each shows. i think i used up all of my luck with this one [sobs]. FC presales usually have more than one round lotteries. 

general sales is much simpler. i dont have enough experience to know the details but it’s usually up on japanese ticketing websites and can use credit cards? dont know if foreign ccs are accepted though. 

oh and all tickets for all sections cost the same!!! so doesn’t matter if you get the best view or worst it’s all equal 

/if you have more questions about this don’t hesitate to send me an ask i don’t know much but i’ve read a lot about it/

you can’t know your seat until a week (or a month? idk) before the concert, when it’s time for you to print your tickets at the same convenient store (yes you have to print them and you can only do it once so don’t lose the damn thing!!). my seat was really good!!! i didn’t get floor sadly but my section was right in front of the extended stage so i got a great view. 

i arrived in nagoya a day before the concert (i spent a week in tokyo beforehand) and queued for merch!!! it was winter so it wasn’t hot at all and the japanese really know how to line up. everything is so organized like??? i was so amazed. i spent a good 4 hours queueing before getting my items and even then a lot of the things i wanted were sold out quickly :( 

and then comes the concert day!!!! basically since it was all seating tickets i didn’t have to worry about queueing for entry but i did queue for merch again,,,, from 4 am. let me tell you how devoted people are there when it comes to queueing. some actually stayed from the afternoon? and it was winter. crazy. 

i entered the dome an hour before the show started and the staff were so kind and helpful whenever i asked for help (i couldn’t find my seat). and everyone around is so kind and warm :( i didn’t really interact with a lot of people due to the language barrier but they’re so . polite. 

and moving on to the show!!!!!! japan has strict rules about recording so i couldn’t do any of that [:(] but honestly it just made me enjoy everything better. of course they were amazing on stage and their japanese were so cute :( i still can’t get over nagoya, nekkoya my pure babies!!! 

and uh . taehyung. so damn fine. can’t believe i was part of the first people to see him reveal his blue hair. and i can’t stress this enough but his gaze when he looks at the audience... i felt the love and fondness in his eyes i wanted to CRY. 

and jimin!!! was so clingy towards joon the whole night ugh we love a baby koala. and jungkook :( he introduced himself as kookoo im so fucking sad. the second he said kookoo desu i was ready to give up my firstborn for him. 

hoseok was a fucking machine. he’s so charismatic on stage i can’t handle him. and seokjin was full on crackhead mode :( we stan a whole legend i love love him so much. my mans yoongi was so?? small yet not??? i wanna put him in my pocket. my mans joon was looking like a whole snacc. all legs and dimples.  

honestly what struck me the most was how everyone gave seokjin a standing ovation and applause after epiphany???? that was my first time seeing something like that and i just started tearing up because it was so beautiful. people were so respectful they didn’t scream or shout when bangtan were doing their ending ments. the fanchants were absolutely on point!!! whenever bangtan bowed i actually spotted some people in my section bowing in return and i was !!!! oh my god 

but on another note you’d think that japanese fans are quiet during shows but theyre really not. they’re loud as hell too they just know when to shut up and listen and i think that’s beautiful. 

the whole thing passed by really quickly. i felt hollow and empty by the time it ended but i have to say that it was the most relaxing and chill concert experience i’ve ever had. it just feels so different than my previous concerts. the only downside about it is the no recording part (i could’ve been sneaky but staff was right in front of my section) i guess. but without worrying about my phone i got to watch them perform. like actually watch them. it felt euphoric. 

♡ love yourself in singapore ♡

ah. 

so for singapore, i got cat 1 purple 2 tickets at first. but because me and my friend wanted yellow initially, we managed to find someone who wanted to trade with us. 

i arrived at the venue at 6 am because i had to distribute banners and fans for my fan support. here’s a pic of them!!!! 

basically for standing ticket holders we were required to queue by 12:30 pm and fortunately my qn got the indoor holding area so i didn’t stay under the heat for long. we started moving to the venue at around 3 or 4 pm even thought they said it would be 2:30 pm. because my qn was large by the time i got inside all the good spots were already taken :( i ended up at the very back sigh and we had to wait for another 2-3 hours before the show starts. it was hot and everyone was thirsty. some people in the pit wanted to sit down but some also stood up so it was rlly cramped :/ 

everyone was hyped tho even when mvs were played. and then when the lights dimmed and the show finally started was where things got really,,, rowdy. when the first beat of idol played everyone pushed forward??? the amount of times i got squished and elbowed and pushed aside... man it was hectic. if you’re claustrophobic please do NOT go for standing in concerts. 

but that aside of course it was amazing loud and crazy. there were accidents here and there. at one point several people actually fell down but everyone helped everyone up. some people got mad and started yelling and others but that’s understandable. it was hot and cramped of course you’d get cranky. 

funny story i got my period two hours before the show and basically bled through my vagina for 3 hours as i watched 7 fine men go off on stage. 

but anyways. 

me and my friend managed to finesse our way from the back row to the third row because we’re amazing. no we did not push if you were there the pit was always moving so we just. squeezed through i guess. i was so fucking tired but when so what came on i forgot that my pants were like fucking soaked and just jammed the fuck out with everyone. they got really close to my section during this and i cant believe i got to see taejin dance together like clubbing buddies. jin is so goofy!!!!!! 

oh but fuck you guys jimin up close is ethereal. he looks so fucking unreal i couldn’t keep my eyes off of him throughout the whole thing. none of the pictures can ever do his beauty justice. he’s so fucking beautiful and i was starstruck. and he sang promise!!! i fucking couldn’t believe he did it. one word to describe him is definitely godly. 

namjoon was so hyped and loud too :( gosh he’s so adorable. hoseok looked crazy beautiful up close too. his aura.... fucking amazing. YOONGI ALSO MADE THE CUTEST EXPRESSION AFTER JIMIN SANG PROMISE I SQEUALED. gosh i was actually really close despite not getting barricade i feel like crying thinking about it now. 

jungkook went so close to my section during so what i got a good fancam of him that i can’t stop watching :( jimin slipped during dna my poor baby but he just laughed it off :(((( 

they all looked prettier irl tbh. they have such nice skin??? and all that shit about jimin being short... well guess what fuckers he’s all LEGS. man. i think i left that stadium as a jimin stan. 

taehyung’s so hot i wanna die n i want the whole of rapline to spit on me thx.

fun times aside the pit is hell. luckily the staff were responsible and gave us drinks after each set of performances. and everyone kind of just understood each other. whenever someone looked like they were about to faint people asked if they were okay. we helped each other and gave each other drinks. at one point during the show i crouched down because i was exhausted and someone asked if i was okay or if i wanted some candy. 

hellish experiences aside, there’s a mutual understanding between everyone in the pit. like, we’re in this together. i’m sweaty and thirsty and tired but i’m here for one thing and so is everyone else. it’s a good feeling. i mean, yeah, i was drenched in sweat and water but. it’s a good feeling. here are some pics!!!! (i have more videos bu t i cba to tak e screenshots ajsjs sorry)

also met some of my twitter mutuals <3 love u guys 

perhaps this is it for my experience post? yeah you can see how different nagoya and singapore were. it was exciting to be able to experience them both. now back to my post concert depression and withdrawal :(

#bts #love yourself tour #bts concert #love yourself in singapore #love yourself in nagoya #mine #m: text

[wildfangz]

@liliithvatore tagged me in that simself thing thats been goin around DAYS ago but here it finally is! also thank you for the tag this was fun :-]

I tag @slythersim @thelurgoyf @seoulchii @weicyn @solitasims @daisydezem @raha-plays-the-sims if they want to do it & anyone that just wants to do it in general! message me and I’ll even @ u directly if u want. 

anyway lets DO THIS shitload of questions under the cut u’ve been warned!!!

1. what is your name?

julian

2. what is your nickname?

jewel, jules

3. birthday?

oct 26th

4. what is your favorite book series?

percy jackson and the olympians will probably always own my heart & soul

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

yes & yes. tho i do think a lot of alien sightings and conspiracy theories and what not are bullshit

6. who is your favorite author?

maggie stiefvater probably? also cornelia funke but its been years since ive read anything by her so i cant be sure BUT i loved inkheart & the thief lord so much

7. what is your favorite radio station?

ummm when i listen to the radio at all i kinda just switch between two rock stations and our popular music station.

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything?

blue raspberry !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tasty and i love a blue tongue

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful?

cool. or bitchin’.  i play it simple

10. what is your current favorite song?

hands like houses - revive

11. what is your favorite word?

roulette and inhibition which i never get to use either as much as i want !

12. what was the last song you listened to?

emarosa - givin’ up ! its a bop!

13. what tv show would you recommend for everybody to watch?

the new she-ra on netflix its so good. and gay

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?

moana. its also like the only movie i dont have trouble getting thru despite how many times ive already seen it

15. do you play video games?

16. what is your biggest fear?

idk... being inherently unlovable i guess n ending up alone? also spiders !

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion?

im fairly open-minded and laid back. Unless someones being like, purposely nasty or something I generally don’t get defensive or aggressive. also a lot of little quirks that piss others off dont bother me im very u do u as long as its not actually harming anyone and ive had people tell me this makes it easier to open up to me so thats probably my best quality....

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion?

....at the same time though i do get very sensitive when faced w/ criticism even if its of the fair variety when its not phrased really gently for various reasons and i dont like that. especially since I have a tendency to not even talk to people about it. I’ll just immediately start distancing myself. also other than that i think overall I have a really high tolerance lvl but if you cross that line I hold a grudge like a motherfucker

9. do you like cats or dogs better?

cats! dogs are good too but cats are a lot easier for me to handle...and quieter generally but even when they’re loud cat sounds dont get to me quite as much as barks do

20. what is your favorite season?

autumn but im starting to really like summer for some reason? wack :/

21. are you in a relationship?

nope

22. what is something you miss from your childhood?

the lack of responsibility, probably. that sounds real bad lmao but for me its like...I know I’ve grown in various ways over the years but I also feel like so many of my experiences, my trauma, my mental health has held me back and I don’t think I’m mentally where I should be for my age. so all the responsibility of adulthood is just..really overwhelming for me sometimes, even though ive been given a pass from certain aspects of it and the rest is pretty simple its the idea!!!!

23. who is your best friend?

my ex

24. what is your eye color?

25. what is your hair color?

26. who is someone you love?

my mom

27. who is someone you trust?

not really anyone rn unfortunately...would like 2 work on that

28. who is someone you think about often?

are my OCs a fair answer because i am always thinking about my babies.....

29. are you currently excited about/for something?

my favorite webcomic (that also has two of my all time favorite characters in it) just came back!! the artist disappeared back in 2015 like the day after I binge-read the whole fucking thing & i was so disappointed but its BACK and 2018 has been redeemed

30. what is your biggest obsession?

sims probably! i could talk about anything relating to it for hours

31. what was your favorite tv show as a child?

there were so damn many its hard to even think and figure out the most notable ones...i really, really liked teen titans though?

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?

my ex, again

33. are you superstitious?

not terribly so but somewhat. I take certain things as signs and I mean I do believe in astrology & such to a degree

34. do you have any unusual phobias?

i used to be afraid of mirrors but thats all i can think of and its not even a thing anymore...the only other thing is tornadoes but i dont think its unusual. but it definitely sucks for me ‘cause i live in tornado alley!

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

behind it....like taking pretty pictures and dont like ppl capturing my image 2 film

36. what is your favorite hobby?

sims.....also singing!!! and drawing!!!! video editing!!!!!!!!! the works

37. what was the last book you read?

The Dream Thieves....havent finished it though because last time i went to read it a spider was lying in wait and im traumatized

38. what was the last movie you watched?

coco i think???

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any?

drums, various other percussion instruments, and violin mainly

40. what is your favorite animal?

ferrets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow?

uhhhhh @bratsims @liliithvatore @cabsim @wildlyminiaturesandwich @keysims pls dont feel bad if i didnt include u these were just the first to pop into my head and ive been following some of them since I first made my blog!! and have kept up with their stories completely and enjoy them etc check them OUT !

42. what superpower do you wish you had?

shapeshifting!!! dysphoria? gone. ugliness? gone. want to morph into a fucked up clown and scare people when they realize all the classic clown features are a real actual part of my face? possible!

43. when and where do you feel most at peace?

chillin’ at the pool in summer during the part of the day when no ones there.... swimming is always relaxing 2 me then i love just resting under the sun and drying off afterwards especially since we have a little pond nearby and i can hear the water! its nice

44. what makes you smile?

always and without fail? interacting with anyone i have a crush on. i’ll look like a dope the whole time

45. what sports do you play, if any?

i used 2 play basketball a lot. Like not seriously but it was a thing

46. what is your favorite drink?

dr pepper and monster energy (original flavor) pumps through my veins at this point. we love a carbonated beverage

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?

two years ago for my ex and I’s first year anniversary... I never got it mailed but I did at least take a picture of it (with included caption because my handwriting is atrocious). i was very up front about being a romantic and see heres the PROOF

48. are you afraid of heights?

nope! very excited by them actually

49. what is your biggest pet peeve?

i cant stand passive aggressive behavior. my stance is either get over it or quit acting like a bitch because otherwise im just going to ignore you thats the scorpio way (in all seriousness I really, really do recommend not putting up with it and ignoring it until they decide to be up front with you. it can be exhausting constantly reading into conversations and its not healthy for you or them. if they have something to say they need to learn to talk about it properly, and that lack of social skills is not ever on you)

50. have you ever been to a concert?

yep! i think about....six or so? i love them...which is really funny im autistic and EVERYTHING about them should freak me out and they do in other circumstances but at a show i just live for it

51. are you vegan/vegetarian?

nope! ive thought before id like to go vegetarian...but i couldnt do it with my health problems. also i love shrimp too much

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

ive always wanted to do something creative! when i was rlly young I thought a lot about singing and acting and writing in particular...all things im still interested in.... also i wanted to be a dictator ages 4-7 because i told my mom i wanted to be president of the world and make people do what i say and she said “honey thats a dictator not a president”. i then made that known at school and that turned into a situation!

53. what fictional world would you like to live in?

pokemon universe or bust. 

54. what is something you worry about?

never being able to do things i want to do or catching up with others because of my disabilities

55. are you scared of the dark?

yes but a reasonable amount i think

56. do you like to sing?

yes :]

57. have you ever skipped school?

yes i used to play sick a LOT and as my parents caught onto it id even go all out to convince them. i was good at school but i hated it so much

58. what is your favorite place on the planet?

dunno! malls maybe i love shopping and looking at material objects i wish to own

59. where would you like to live?

oregon! portland in particular thats been my dream for a few years now

60. do you have any pets?

a cat! he lives with my dad & grandma though...hes grown up there and likes going outside so I felt bad about taking him with me when i moved out but anyway this is him hes fat and stupid and i love him his name is coffee

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl?

night owl because my rhythm is all fucked up but in my heart....an early bird...if i get a good nights sleep i’ll be up early yacking your ear off and so excited for the day

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better?

sunsets are prettier...but sunrises feel more refreshing

63. do you know how to drive?

nope ! im gay !

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones?

headphones. better sound quality also discourages people from talking to me slightly more

65. have you ever had braces?

nope! but i need them

66. what is your favorite genre of music?

post-hardcore maybe?

67. who is your hero?

every trans person living their truth and being open and loud about who they are past present & future. the worlds not particularly kind to us and our existence alone is considered a radical act, so its always given me hope to see others refusing to pretend to be someone they’re not in this environment and I’ll always have mad respect for that

68. do you read comic books?

i read manga and webcomics...ive always wanted to get into superhero comics but the amount of issues and different versions is ridiculous and makes it inaccessible 2 me 

69. what makes you the most angry?

i mean its hard to pinpoint what makes me angry the MOST...but a contender is definitely how some people feel free to treat others with cruelty and think its their god given right to deny or attack someones existence in some way, & how acts of kindness, even the most basic are branded as liberal bullshit or whatever....it goes against everything i was taught growing up

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book?

real book! electronic device can be easier but....rough on the eyes after a while and nothing beats the real thing for me

71. what was your favorite subject in school?

language arts...at least when we did creative writing stuff

72. do you have any siblings?

two older sisters & an older brother that passed away years ago but. still my brother u kno

73. what was the last thing you bought?

mocha frappe baby!!!!!

74. how tall are you?

5′4″

75. can you cook?

a little bit....not as much as id like to though but im learning

76. what are three things that you love?

storms, cheesy breadsticks, and cat purrs

77. what are three things that you hate?

unnecessary rudeness, being talked down to or generally treated like im stupid, grapefruit which is the worst thing on this list

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends?

female i think?

79. what is your sexual orientation?

im the big bad promiscuous bisexual your parents warned you about

80. where do you currently live?

oklahoma. gofundme campaign to get me out

81. who was the last person you texted?

my friend jojo! just Now!

82. when was the last time you cried?

yesterday afternoon but im a changed man now thats behind me. i will cry about different things soon

83. who is your favorite youtuber?

the mcelroy brothers. also super best friends play. matt, pat & woolie are all great tbh

84. do you like to take selfies?

depends on whether i feel ugly or terribly dysphoric that day or not

85. what is your favorite app?

ummmm....love live school idol festival ive been playin for years its an addiction

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like?

dad = bad mom = okay. theres some issues that strain it but its not too bad

87. what is your favorite foreign accent?

i have no idea what the fuck australians are talking about half the time but i dig it anyway 

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit?

Italy, Greece, Germany, Japan, Mexico, various other states (ive only been out of state three times. twice to texas and then once to kansas. for five minutes)

89. what is your favorite number?

6!! 26 also

90. can you juggle?

ive always wanted to but alas.... :-[

91. are you religious?

i suppose...but im rlly not into organized religion

92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting?

space probably theres so fucking much of it man!

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?

not to brag but sometimes i eat my mcdonalds hamburgers cold from the fridge so you can figure that one out yourself B)

94. are you allergic to anything?

pecans. not deathly allergic though so catch me eating turtle pie anyway! 

95. can you curl your tongue?

nope :[

96. can you wiggle your ears?

nope :[

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something?

usually as soon as i realize....unless someones being real smug and annoying then i might be stubborn about it

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach?

ive never been to the beach but i love her!!!

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?

probably that you have to look at your accomplishments differently when you’re disabled or just struggling, to not be so down on yourself because its a fact that what might be a mole hill to someone else is a mountain to you and you have to judge yourself accordingly. Like maybe you weren’t able to clean the whole house, but washing the dishes and tidying your desk doesn’t usually get done but you did it. That that should be celebrated because while it would also feel good if you did more, you still did something and thats great all things considered.

100. are you a good liar?

sometimes, really depends what im lying about and if im like....into it at all. If my guts against it for whatever reason I’ll have trouble

101. what is your hogwarts house?

i always get slytherin or hufflepuff! usually with like 1 point difference

102. do you talk to yourself?

i am talking to myself right now as i fill this out

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert?

extrovert mainly! i used to think i was more introverted but now i think a lot of exhaustion when theres any comes from me just going the extra mile and actively trying to read people and pick up on social ques.... if I just chill im fine

104. do you keep a journal/diary?

nope...ive tried but i just cant keep up with it so i do the next best thing. shouting into the void on the internet to a bunch of strangers

105. do you believe in second chances?

depends on what you did the first time. Some people just don’t deserve taking that risk imo...but i can be a little guarded so maybe thats a bit too harsh

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?

turn it in, unless there was no identifying things in it & it was found somewhere kinda random. Then I’d maybe hold onto it unless my gut challenged that

107. do you believe that people are capable of change?

absolutely. i mean thats all we do throughout our lives is change and evolve...that being said I think extremely drastic changes are maybe not entirely impossible, but extremely rare, and the residue of the former self usually sticks around in some form

108. are you ticklish?

yes, dangerously so

109. have you ever been on a plane?

nope

110. do you have any piercings?

one day hopefully!

111. what fictional character do you wish was real?

asra from the arcana.....even if he wasn’t my boyfriend thats just a dude u could chill and eat some pomegranates with u know. Before I downloaded the app my friends kept telling me he was made for me and he really was he ticks like everything on my Favorite Characters Feature List except villain but he has that particular allure & attitude i like so much in villains so thats not a single point off hes perfect

112. do you have any tattoos?

nope...one day! hopefully!

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far?

accepting my genderqueerness and bisexuality definitely. Self Love hasn’t been perfected just yet but that was such a huge step in the right direction

114. do you believe in karma?

yes! she doesn’t get shit done as much as id like however

115. do you wear glasses or contacts?

glasses. not contacts yet because my eye doctor is a bitch

116. do you want children?

I do....just not sure if id be a good parent. Its really important to me if I had a child itd be for the right reason and I could raise them well in a healthy environment & be able to take care of all their needs yknow

117. who is the smartest person you know?

probably my friend jojo

118. what is your most embarrassing memory?

one time i looked outside and the sunset was really pretty and i wanted to get a photo of it so i walked out.....and stood like right by the street so there weren’t trees in my way...and then i realized mid-pic 1) i am not wearing pants & my shirt is full of holes 2) id been depressed for days so my hair was a tangled mess. I tailed it back inside so i didnt even get a nice pic it was blurry!

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

120. what colour are most of you clothes?

black i didnt even have to think about that one

121. do you like adventures?

they are pretty swell

122. have you ever been on tv?

a few times when i was little. always photobombing the news reporters 4 what i thought would eventually lead 2 fame & fortune

123. how old are you?

21

124. what is your favorite movie quote?

this is technically lyrics to that lil song in moana at the end but

“ They have stolen the heart from inside you. But this does not define you.”

hits me hard every time! emotional impact? i know her

125. sweet or savory?

sweet!!!!!!!! gotta balance out my bitter somehow

#tag meme #about #srry if theres any weird grammar or spelling going on half of this was written when i had a monster headache #and was doing everything but laying down!!!!

[phandomsecretvalentines]

(darling don't be afraid) i will love you

Happy late-vday-early-bday @ryn-exe (can’t tag?)!!! Hope u enjoy, soz if it’s not good but i’m not so amazing(phil)

This is 2.1k words. There’s a bit of dream-violence (not in detail) and a lot of anxiety and fear so if u don’t like that stuff!! Tell me!!!! And i’ll write something else for you, i don’t mind. (You didn’t say anything i wasn’t supposed to write but idk). I’d describe this as hurt/comfort i think lmaooo

Basic summery i wrote fo myself: Dan and Phil, and how they deal with each other’s 3am fears (2009 vs 2018, now)

From a pitch-hitter 💓💓

——

[Saturday; 10.26.09; 03:37]

——

Dan<33 (03:37): phil? :[

Phil (03:45): Yrha

Phil (03:47): Sorry!! Yeah**

Phil (03:47): Why are you up so early/late?? I barely woke up

Dan<33 (03:49): sorry i woke you :/

Dan<33 (03:50): my parents went away for a bit and i’m home alone and i cant turn off the lights cuz im too scared

Dan<33 (03:51): and i can’t sleep so bad even hugging pillow cant help mee :[[

Dan<33 (03:52): so im sitting in the hallway with every light im the house on alone in just my pants

Dan<33 (03:52): and i was a idiot and missed you so i woke you up at so late and now ur gonna hate me crap

Dan<33 (03:52): sorry

Phil (03:53): I’ll never ever hate you dan!!! <<33333333333333

Phil (03:53): I’m sorry ur so scared :[[ I wish I was there to be strong and protect u again

Dan<33 (03:54): i wish you were here too

Phil (03:54): :[ <3

Dan<33 (03:58): CDAP PHIL I THINK I HESRF A GHOST

Dan<33 (03:58): IR MONSTER

Dan<33 (03:58): FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Phil (03:59): Dan oh my gosh are you okay??

Dan<33 (04:00): yeah i think but

Dan<33 (04:00): i heard something phil

Dan<33 (04:01): im scared

Dan<33 (04:02): i can’t believe im 18 and i’m actually sobbing out of fear alone and naked in a hallway over a fucking noise

Dan<33 (04:02): to my boyfriend

Dan<33 (04:02): on skype

Dan<33 (04:03): fuck

Phil (04:03): Dan :[[ i’m so sorry

Dan<33 (04:04): it’s not your fault

Phil (04:04): Want me to call you??? (If u want)

Dan<33 (04:05): can we skype instead?

Dan<33 (04:05): i want to see your face plz <3

Dan<33 (04:05): if thats okay

Phil (04:06): That’s fine! One sec plz :]

——

[Phil would like to add Dan<33 to a call (02:33)]

[Accept] [Decline]

[Accepted]

——

When Dan answered the call, his face was red and puffed and wet. Even through the crap-pixel screen quality, Phil could see that.

“Hey,” Dan’s voice broke.

“Hi,”

Dan was shaking slightly.

His face suddenly flushed, “Oh shit, I forgot – I’m, uh, in only pants. In front of you. Crap.”

“It’s fine, I’ve seen you shirtless before.” Phil smiled what he hoped was reassuringly, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah — I mean, I am now. I guess.”

“Are you cold?”

“Kinda.” Dan admitted.

“Want to go to bed?”

“My room is too dark –”

“Well, I’ll be there, wont I? And I’ll protect you from everything bad in the dark.”

“You’re not really here.”

“Only ever a few hours away. And if worst comes to worst, I have the police line and the monster-killer line. So you’ll be super safe.”

Dan muffled a giggle, “Yeah, okay.”

He shuffled up off the floor, and made his way into his bedroom, clutching the laptop tightly.

“I dunno if I’m getting any sleep tonight, honestly.”

“You will! You can cuddle your pillow and I’ll tell you stories until the demons go away and you can sleep.”

“I’m not five, Phil.” There was no malice in his reply.

“You don’t need to be five for any of that to be true.” Phil said, serious tone.

“Okay,”

Minutes later, Dan was snuggled under his covers; hugging a pillow tightly as he listened to Phil go on about some guy at the market.

“Then, he pulled a hot dog out of his left pocket. Who keeps a single —”

“Phil?” Dan interrupted, his voice was dripping with sleep.

“Mm?”

“Do you think I’m stupid?”

“No.” Phil answered simply.

“I mean – for being so scared of such dumb stuff. Seven-year-olds are braver than me.”

“It’s okay to have fears, Dan. I bet you’re not the only adult with those fears either,”

“I’m scared of the dark. And ghosts and monsters and moths and demons and –”

“– and that’s fine. I don’t mind.”

“And it’s not annoying to deal with? I’m not?”

“You will never be annoying to ‘deal with’; I promise.”

Phil meant it.

——

[Monday; 12.07.09; 02:59]

——

Phil :]]]<333333 (02:59): Dan?

Dan (03:00): yeah??? <3

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:03): I’m scared

Dan (03:04): of what :[[

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:04): I dunno it’s just creaky downstairs and I’m alone for the night I guess

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:04): Nvm

Dan (03:05): no tell me i want to help u

Dan (03:05): plz

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:07): Well it’s just that

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:08): It’s really dark and windy

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:08): And there was a tree snapping against my window I thought our house might’ve blown down

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:09): And I thought i heard thunder which usually isn'tn too bad but right now its scaring me a bit

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:10): I don’t wanna be alone rn is all

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:10): But i am brave! So it’ll be okay i think

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:10): Don’t worry about me <33

Dan (03:11): i want to worry :[

Dan (03:11): you don’t always have to be brave <333 ily and i would give you the biggest hug if i were there

Dan (03:12): and tell the trees and thnder to fuck off and let you sleep

Dan (03:12): and then we would sleep all cuddled up togerher like we do sometimes and it would be warm and nice

Dan (03:14): i wish i were there with you

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:15): You will be someday so it’s okay now too :]

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:15): But plz tell the trees and thunder to fuck off it’s very loud :’[[[

Dan (03:16): if u call me i will????

Phil :]]]<333333 (03:17): Lol okay :p

——

[Incoming call from Dan]

[Accepted]

——

“Hi!” Dan really should be quieter; last time he called Phil at three in the morning his dad had yelled at him.

“Hi,” Phil’s sleep-laced voice answered.

A booming crack of thunder, and a whimper.

“Don’t worry – it… won’t hurt you.” Despite everything, Dan was sometimes still quite new to the role of 'comfort’ in their relationship.

“I know, just loud.”

Dan wished he was like Phil. He wished he could just pull out an intresting story, a funny idea.

“Sorry.”

He wasn’t like Phil, though.

“Want to play a game?”

“What game could we possibly play through a phone call?” Dan could practically hear Phil rolling his eyes.

Dan wracked his brain for quick ideas.

“Eye-Spy?”

“We’re… not in the same room Dan.”

“Yeah, true.”

Dan’s room suddenly felt rather empty and uninteresting.

Dan felt empty and uninteresting.

“What do you want me to do?” He finally muttered.

He held his breath.

“I just like hearing your voice, it calms me down. I like when you rant about things you love.”

Let it out.

“Oh. Well – want to hear my never-ending thoughts on WALL-E then?”

“Definitely.”

——

[Sunday; 02.04.18; 04:12]

——

“Phil?”

“Mhm?” He rolled over and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, “What’re you doing up?”

“There was a moth.”

“A moth?”

“Yes!” Dan looked around the room nervously, rolling on his heels, “It’s in the lounge somewhere and I can’t sleep knowing it’s out there — lurking.”

Phil groaned.

“Fucking kill it! Or set it free, I dunno. I just need it gone.”

“You are truly the perfect mix of 'needy child’ and 'angry businessman’, Danny.”

“Fuck off.”

“Mm, lemme get a cup then.”

Phil shoved on his glasses and stumbled out of bed into the kitchen, Dan following closely behind.

“Where was it again?” He asked, grabbing a wine glass from the cupboard.

They hadn’t really drank much alcohol these past few years– since Dan had gone on antidepressents— but they still always kept the glasses, to drink Ribena and seem fancy.

“No! You’ll need a bigger cup, it’s huge.” He whined.

“Okay,” he grabbed another glass, “where is it?”

“In the lounge last I saw.”

“I’ll go look, you get a piece of paper.”

Genuine terror painted over Dan’s face, “I don’t want to be alone.”

“Christ’s sake Dan, it’s a moth, not an armed burglar. I think you’ll live.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. Now, just go a minute.”

He then ventured into the lounge, still half-drowned by sleep, when he heard a shriek.

“Dan?”

“Phil! Fucking help!”

Anyone else might’ve thought Dan was being held at gunpoint from the panicked way he was yelling.

“Coming!”

He went into the hall; Dan was standing there, paralysed with fear, as a giant moth flew circles around him. He had tears threatening to fall.

“Oh dear,”

Phil went over to the closet and grabbed a broom, spent a few go’s waving it around– and almost hitting Dan in the process— before smacking it head on.

“Aw, now I feel bad for killing it,” He whispered.

Dan was on the floor now, shaking, tears stained down his cheeks. He was in only pants.

And Phil was there.

“Well, the moth’s gone now isn’t it?” He crouched down next to Dan, putting his hands gently on his shoulders.

“Mmm,” Dan had his head tucked in his knees.

“Are you okay?”

Silence.

“That’s fine. Want me to make you some tea?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

A few minutes later, in the kitchen, with dried cheeks; “I can’t believe how much of a wimp I am.”

The kettle rang, and Phil took it off the stove carefully.

“No —”

“I know, I know, my therapist told me. 'It’s never weak to have fears’. But I cried over a fucking moth. In our hallway. It’s late and –”

“– and that’s okay.”

“It’s not okay Phil!”

“It’s fine in the moment, that’s what I mean.”

He grabbed a NASA mug, and poured the boiling water in a teapot.

“I must be exhausting.”

Phil dropped in a teabag.

He still remembered. It was a promise made at 4am; a promise over Skype to a more-than-slightly-terrified eighteen year old.

A promise made to a bunch of pixel’s with a name and a face and fear.

A promise his Dan probably didn’t even remember, honestly.

“No, I promised that much.”

“Mhm,”

He poured the tea.

“So, two sugars or three?”

“Two.”

——

[Friday; 02.16.18; 05:12]

——

Dan was on the sofa; snuggled up in blankets and watching the winter Olympics through his small Iphone screen. His eyes were heavy, he yawned.

Their bedroom door squeaked opened.

“Hey,” Phil spoke quietly.

“Up so late?”

“You’re up too.”

“Well — I’m watching the Olympics. You know it’s on late in the UK.”

“Alright.” Phil shuffled into the kitchen, grabbing a glass and leaving the cupboard door wide open.

“Why are you awake?”

“Just another nightmare, s'fine.”

“Then why did you come out here?”

His voice might’ve been read as upset – he was just tired. Half the time Dan honestly didn’t mean to come off so rude.

“Dunno,”

“What was it about?”

“Uh — I think my family was trapped, you included, and I was the only person who could save them. But I had to do something… I think, I had to open a lock to somewhere? But I was too nervous. I saw everyone die; I knew it was my fault. I saw – you know, blood. Not too much. But it’s fine.”

As he spoke, he went over to the sink and got a glass of water, adding iced-cubes; his tone was unnaturally cool and casual.

“But I heard your skull shatter –”

“What the fuck —”

“Sorry! You asked though.”

“No – I mean, that’s horrible. Jesus christ, are you okay?”

Phil shrugged, “It happens, it’s okay though. Just a dream.”

It was only at that moment Dan noticed Phil’s eyes were a little too redded, his words a little bit shaky.

Phil started back to their room.

“Are you going back to sleep?”

“Probably.” His reply was tired.

“Oh – uh, well, why don’t you stay with me and watch the Olympics? I know you’ve never really cared, not your thing, but still I think that —”

“Sure! I’ll stay, yeah.” Phil quickly answered.

“Okay.”

Phil put his glass of water back down on the counter, and walked over to the sofa. Dan opened up his blanket fort and invited Phil in.

“These are the men’s single runs.”

“Mhm,” Phil nuzzled his head into Dan’s neck, which usually would’ve bothered him, but he didn’t mind so much.

A few minutes pass, “So what’s that guy supposed to be doing? I need your commentary; you know.”

I just like hearing your voice, it calms me down.

“Well, that’s the Japanese lead skater, which means —”

#submission

[mykie-hyun-blog]

❤️

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? Id probably laugh 2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed? I love him & he doesnt love me 3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care? No, the guy I was talking about is and I dont care, everyone is a bloody druggie I just dont care anymore I love him as a person despite his addictions 4. Is your last name longer than six letters? Nope 5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober? Sober I think he was a little high still tho I wasnt high because i showed up late lol 6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up? I don't think I did anything wrong, he just doesnt get into relationships. But he didnt tell me until after I fell in love Cuntcunt I think about him every day 7. What does your last received text say? "I look shit in that photo and I still look better than her" Aha true 8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? Many times 9. Where was your last kiss at? On the side of the street, it was a goodbye kiss :/ had no idea that would be my last kiss from him 10. When is the last time you saw your sister? Never lol 11. What do you drink in the morning? Pink lemonade lucozade 12. Where did you sleep last night? Bed 13. Do you think relationships are hard? They shouldnt be but most of them are aha me & my best friend atm just bond over our shit relationships. Theyre good to talk about. You need to spend one night with a friend deep talking about your life every once in a while. It clears your head & you might get some great advice 14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you? I dont remember that far 15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems? Id probably cry lol I love him and part of me wants to be locked in a room with him gdi We'd end up kissing probably but I know he doesnt actually love me 16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy? Depends,if im inside then rain but if im out sun 17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you? Alot of people Its my grandmas name :) 18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants? None of the above 19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now? Probably 20. Does anyone like you? Yep 21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S? No 22. Is the last person you kissed gay? No 23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand? Ya & she looks like she has acne braille on her forehead It says H-O-E 24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo? Yeah but only a small one 25. In the past week have you cried? Ya ive had a lot of deep talks 26. What breed was the last dog you saw? Rat 27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower? Both because i love absolutely flooding the bathroom floor 28. Have you ever kissed a football player? Im going to Soon 29. Do you think you’re old? No 30. Do you like text messaging? Yaa good way to connect with people ..? 31. What type of day are you having? I dont remember Im pretty spaced out its good i think Boih i got my crushs snapchat AA Not the one i made out with another one i liked for a long time ❤️❤️❤️ SKKRR 32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? Ya i was going to idk though 33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather? Warm :) 34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you? Yeah...:( we dont talk anymore We made out 3 weeks ago tho 35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling? Definitely a relationship Flings fucking suck when you get attached 36. Are you a simple or complicated person? Complicated complicated 37. What song are you listening to? Slow hands~ This song was on repeat when i was deep talking..we had two last week because we're fucked up and i definitely need someone like her to talk to about him 38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it? Sometimes 39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you? I dont know..im v complicated The girl i was talking about knows alot i think..when i start talking deeply about myself & my problems i start crying Im not sad/depressed at all!! Like im good but im just reeally emotional and i cant help it 40. What made you start liking the person you like now? Well theres 2 I just cant explain....i just.....love them. With my entire heart. I'll talk about the one i fell in love with 3 weeks ago Hes hot but thats not why i like him. I love his personality. He's just....everything that id ever want. But i cant be with him. Forever is a long time to spend without him and i dont know if i can do that 41. When did you last receive a text message? An hour ago 42. What is wrong with you right now? -Anxiety -He doesnt care about me. He saw me first, even made an effort to show off in front of me lol. Looked at me like he genuinely loves me, we kissed a lot. And other things tmi, but he doesnt give a fuck clearly -I havent been eating since i found out, not because im starving myself i just physically cant eat. 43. How well do you know the last female you texted? Shes the girl i was talking about before 44. Does anyone disgust you? Yep. Shes trying to take the guy i was talking about. Go fuck yourself She tried to ruin her best friends life, shes jealous of everything she has. Tried to take both her boyfriends (one after the other not @ the same time) I could go on 45. Would you date someone right now if they asked? Yes yes Nothing feels real rn Theres like..a space between me and my emotions. Id be excited as helllll life would be amazing but theres like..a space.... 46. Are you in a good mood right now? No idea lol 47. Who was the last person you talked to in person? . 48. What color shirt are you wearing? Im wearing a grey bodycon dress 49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear? 50. Anyone you’re giving up on? Him.. 51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? Kindof.. i cant help being in love 52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t? I just 53. Do you like rain? Yea 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks? Dont care at all id date an alcoholic doesnt stop me loving them 55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them? Ya my crush I might tell him soon but im so scared of telling him since the ordeal with the other guy..i can tell he likes me but im so paranoid If he says no i dont know what id do Like id stop eating completely probably 56. Do you like to cuddle? Yes!!! 57. Are you shy? 58. Do you get along with girls? Ya 59. Have you dated the person you texted last? No haha 60. What do you carry with you at all times? My..emotions....gum idk 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? Bitch id do that for 5 dollars 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? Of course :) 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship? Kindof haha Hes like..famous where i live and we were kinda a thing 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute? Yes :) 65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week? I dont really remember that far :/ idk My crush smiled that was cute 66. How old are the last three people you kissed? 15, 16, 15 My age so 67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? Do myself bih 68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? Zebra 69. Do you have any stickers on your car? Im 15 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? Whos luke bryan 71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? iPhone 72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? A while ago with friends it was amazing I had dominos last week tho, me & G (the gal i was talking about) ordered dominos :) we both struggle to eat after our /experiences/ and i came over 2 days later & we had the leftovers

#tag

[chaewonhos]

Yo maybe a members reaction to you walking down the wedding asle lol I'm on my wedding grind rn sorry

THIS. IS. ADORABLE.

thank you for requesting anon! also, my friend Adri helped me with these and gave me ideas so most of the credit goes to her! :)

-

Mark

ok but can u just imagine how happy this lil bean would be to see his gorgeous wife standing at the end of the aisle

probably has sweaty palms

smiles for days

legit his smile never leaves his face

gestures and points at you to his big family as if to say, “wow I’m marrying this beauty, can you believe it?”

most likely teased by the younger members about how, “Hyung is not attractive enough for her”

Jinyoung slaps their heads

despite their teasing, each member is happy for both of you

isn’t quite nervous but excited since you two are finally coming together as husband and wife

can not stay still if his life depended on it

like Jackson literally has to pat his back in order to calm him down

gulps when you finally get up to the alter

“She’s a beauty isn’t she? We’re definitely having a big family together…”

Jaebum

also a big smiler like Mark but his smile is towards the ground bc NERVOUS AF

his standing there and he hears the music start and he’s like omfg…this shit…is rly fucking happening

shifts his feet nervously because he cant believe this moment has finally arrived

just when you think he will be staring at the ground for the whole reception, Jinyoung pinches him and gives him the famous glare

“stop being so nervous bro” , “she’s too perfect for me”

and boy is Jaebum glad he did

once he sees you walking towards him in your gorgeous gown, glowing with the smile on you face, he feels his heart pick up and practically shares the warmth of the sun with you

mouth immediately drops and he laughs cutely at you all blushy like snsksnks

“I’m ready to continue my life with her by my side”

Jackson

receives a pep talk  from every member AND himself

“You got this! You’re finally committing, you’re a man! You’r-”

freezes when he sees you in a bone-white dress smiling at him

ya know the famous Jackson scream when he holds his cheeks and screams? yea well he’s doing that but on the inside

mixed with nervous and excited

always hypes the others so when you are walking down the aisle, its their turn

“woooooooooooooooow” which makes him smile more, if it were possible

looks at his mother and mouths, “I finally found the 2nd most important woman in my life”

are those tears?

yes, they are tears

not full on sobbing but has a few happy tears

screams, “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO MY HEARS!? YOU’RE A GODDESS”

Jinyoung

isn’t exactly nervous or calm but is most likely the calmest

once his eyes lock with yours, his widen and a blush appears on your cheeks

“what about JJP”

“what about jinson”

“Shut up, don’t ruin this moment”

you began sparkling in his eyes and he cant believe anyone can be as beautiful as you are

“aiiishh why is she so lovely”

lifts his arms up to the audience in sort of a cocky way as if he was saying, “I made it, I am the winner because I married the most beautiful woman on this earth”

continues to tell you, “we are going to be the best married couple”

Youngjae

legit asks to play games on his phone while you guys wait

I feel like he is proud of himself and you and how far you two have come together

laughs nervously with the boys but stops as soon as the music starts

once he sees you come out, he puts on an awkward poker face, which makes you laugh in response

when he hears your laugh, the corners of his mouth turn up, and he looks at you with a genuine smile

thinks to himself, “She looks gorgeous in that cute white flowy dress”

Jaebum shakes him slightly to get rid of his stiffness

is the most nervous member but is thinking about you in the long seconds it takes for you to walk up there

“I made the right decision to keep her by my side, she loves the way I am and I love the way she is, omg she is getting closer, ahhhh she gets cuter and cuter every single day!”

Bambam

looks at yugyeom and smiles, “this is gonna be easyYYyyyYyy”

yugyeom gives him a serious look and nods towards the aisle causing bam to sigh

his breath catches in his throat when he sees yugyeom was motioning towards you

all his confidence leaves his body and he starts playing with his hands, eyes on yours

I can see him doing something goofy like making a heart with his arms, causing you to blush

got6 teases him by saying things like, “wow what a beauty!” , “She is out of bambam’s league” , “He can barely even stand to look at her beauty!”

“yah!” He whisper yells causing the boys to snicker

turns his attention back to you, noticing how close you rly are

his eyes examine your body and your dress

“You are so damn beautiful”

Yugyeom

is actually rly excited and confident like his eldest hyung

despite his height, stretches his neck to see over the crowd to watch you walk in

smile spreads across his face as soon as he sees you

like not just any smile

but that one smile when he’s laughing so hard with his hyung’s except this smile is all for you

he screams in his lil maknae scream, which causes all the other members to scream as well

starts swaying his head and body side to side while he waits for you

“ahhhh, I cant believe this, can you?”

waves and smiles like a child

whisper things to you about how excited he is and how beautiful you are as soon as you arrive at the alter

“I cant wait to act like young lovers for the rest of our lives, even when were an ugly old couple!”

-

thank you for the request, and once again, while some ideas are mine, the majority of this imagine is my friends ideas, for some reason I couldn’t think of anything :)

#got7 #bambam #yugyeom #jinyoung #jaebum #youngjae #mark tuan #jackson wang #got7 kunpimook #got7 jb #im jaebum #choi youngjae #kunpimook bhuwakul #jackbam #jackbum #markson #park jinyoung #jinson #kpop

[me-importa-mother-blog]

it FINALLY fucking happened

i have a migraine and awful cramps from this stupid IUD rn but i have to get this out. i have to capture the authenticity of my feelings right now. it finally happened. i could cry happy tears because of how incredible and great i feel in this moment. brendon and darian are back together. i saw a pics of them on instagram w captions about how much they love each other and wanna know what i felt when i saw those pictures? fucking NOTHING. I FINALLY FEEL NOTHING. ok, i feel sad for them but thats honestly truly the only emotion that came up for me. i no longer feel the intense nausea, feeling like i am getting stabbed in the pit on my stomach, rush of emotions pouring over my entire body, ringing in my ears, dissosiation that i felt the first time i heard the words from his lips “i have a girlfriend now”. that feeling that didn’t seem to go away for MONTHS. that feeling that would resurface every time i looked at their social media and saw how fucking happy and perfect they were. it was fucking disgusting. i can finally say i don’t feel those feelings anymore and u know what that means? 

i means i have healed. it means i have moved on. it means I have successfully mended the broken pieces of my heart that he left me with. i did that. with the help of some loving and supportive friends, yes. but it was me. i’m the one that chose to live all those times i wanted to die, and i chose to pretend to be happy to the point that my bones hurt to their core because i was faking it so hard. i chose to move back home to something familiar and stable so i could feel safe, so i could get away from the torment of his memory, from the fear of running into her, or him, or worse the both of them together. 

at one point i felt that i gave everything i had built so hard for the past two years away. my life in california was ruined because of him. the reason i went out there in the first place to get clean back in april of 2014 was because he told me to. my body was deteriorating faster than i could keep track of and i mentioned, maybe i should move back to cali and get clean, and you should too and we can be together. and he told me to go out there so i fucking did. hes the reason, the motivation i had to get clean. everything i did from that point forward was for him or because of him or for us. so WE could live together happily for fucking forever. 

originally we had a plan to go to rehab for a bit then run away together but at some point something switched in me. i think it was god working in my life honestly. but at some point i decided u know what i wanna give this thing a shot. i wanna see what its like to be clean and happy and all that these weird ppl in AA rave about. and then he went down there from fresno and he got clean and holy shit that was the most incredible summer of my life. i wish i had pictures but i deleted probably 98% of them. but i had so many good times w him, riding my bike to the beach while he rode his skateboard. holding hands, going to meetings together. i was so fucking proud to tell everyone he was my boyfriend. i was so goddamn fucking in love. 

and now i’m crying, but not because i want to be with him. no, never. i’m crying because the happiness i felt was so pure and genuine and incredible and indescribable. i wouldnt change it for anything. if i could go back and relive those moments we shared that summer but i would have to relive the heartbreak again then i would probably do it. but i wouldnt change anything. i would relieve the good and the bad but i would want the result to be the same as what it is in this moment. hes with her and i’m with myself on my ellies bed in my parents house with rocky and luna sleeping at my feet. i don’t want to be with him anymore but i don’t regret what we had because it was true love and it was passionate and intense and a type of love i will never feel again. because it was extremely toxic. as intense as the good moments were so were the bad. and it got reeeeaaally bad.

he told me i deserved to be molested when i was 5. he told me this while we were in line for the screamin eagle at disneyland, because i was paying more attention to my phone than to him. he was upset and we got in an argument and thats what he said to me. that a fucking five year old deserved to get some creepy mother fuckers fingers in her asshole. real cute huh? but i’m not a saint. at some point i told him i’m glad his dad left him and that he probably did because he hated him cuz hes useless and that his mom is a slut cuz she has 4 baby daddies. i said some horrible things too that i’m not proud of but in those moments i felt so justified. as the anger wore off tho i felt guilty for saying those things, and so would he. so we would always make up. and thiings would be really good again until the next fight and shit would hit the fan. and then we started calling the cops on each other. he was never physically abusive to me, except one time he pinned me down like a pretzel cuz i was beating the living shit out of him. the position he had me in hurt a lot but he was protecting himself cuz i had lost it. i dont remember what that particular fight was about. the weather maybe? idk dude we would fight over the DUMBEST shit. 

i remember thinking and telling him, “if you act like a bitch u get treated like one”. which means youre a fucking dick to me so i’m a dick right back mother fucker. i ran him over w my car once. he smashed my phone to pieces cuz i searched a guy on facebook. he would go through my phone and find texts from months ago where i said a guy was hot and he would flip out call me a whore tell me nobody is ever gonna love me, and go spread my legs somewhere. he would accuse me of fucking literally EVERYONE. if i was off work 5 minutes late its because i was fucking my manager in the back. if i wasnt texting him back while i was w jenny or kolby its cuz i was fucking them. oh he hated all my friends also. and had no friends of his own. i was his whole world which really bugged me at the time but i lowkey miss that now. i miss feeling that important and special and loved. and i miss having that much power over someone, i’ll admit it. 

but despite all this bad shit there were good times, and they were really fucking good. specifically its the feelings. i felt safe with him. like nothing could ever hurt me or touch me, besides him. but i was addicted to the chaos so i didn’t mind the verbal and emotional abuse and i dished it right back. although lets be real here according to my sponsor, therapist, mentor, friends, anyone w a brain. he was definately the sicker one out of the two of us. we were both so fucking sick but i was a wee bit healthier i would say. there were so many times we would ride around costa mesa on harbor blvd at midnight complaining about how much it sucked to not have a car, or money, or anything. we had NOTHING. he really had nothing when he got there besides like 3 shirts and old pair of vans 2 sizes too small and shorts. i created him. everything he got from that point forward was from me. all of it. and there were weeks at a time where he had no money and he ate because i bought him food. not that he owes me anything or that he ever did, i did those things because i wanted to because i was in love and he was gonna be my life partner. everything i ever wanted i wanted with him or nobody else. anyway, we would be riding through the kmart parking lot on harbor and wilson, he would be coming w me to drop me off at fordham and we would complain about how much it fucking sucked but “one day we would look back on all of this and laugh.” because “one day were gonna make it” we said. we had so many hopes and dreams together. he was supposed to be my fucking husband. i was going to be the mother of all of his children. 

but you know what? it was all a fucking fantasy. a beautiful fantasy but a fantasy nonetheless. and after spending summer 2015 apart because he decided drugs were more important than me, we got back together in september and shit didnt get much better. it was a bit at times but mostly no. same shit. really intense good times. really intense bad times. passionate love, passionate hate. a couple days before new years 2015 going into 2016 we broke up for the last time. this is when he broke my phone cuz i searched jacob berry on fbook. after that i was done. i had been done thousands of times before but i was really done this time. we didn’t talk at all for like a week then i saw him on his birthday january 7th and we decided we were gonna get back together in august when he had a year sober. we werent gonna talk in the meantime but we were for sure getting back together. then one day i added a guy, kyle on facebook and he lost it. again with being called a slut and blah blah blah. and this time we were really done. like FORREAL. i was moving on everything was great blah blah. i dont think i actually thought i had lost him tho. it was gonna be like every other time where we will get back together again. so i wasnt really that sad. i think i was thriving off the anger i felt towards him. like are u seriously gonna be done w me over adding a dude???? how stupid. 

and then one day in late february my world came crashing down in the middle of the target electronics section. hannah texted or called me i cant remember but said she needed to tell me something. i demanded to know immedietally and she hesitated, i knew it was bad. she told me darian and brendon were talking. darian, my former client darian. darian, the girl who I TOLD STORIES ABOUT BRENDON TO WHEN SHE WAS STRUGGLING W HER EX IN HOPES THAT I COULD OFFER HER SOME EXPERIENCE STRENGTH AND HOPE. i was vulnerable w her about him. i was trying to be helpful, i shared stuff w her i dont share w everyone but since her sitution at the time was similar to my realtionship w brendon i opened up to her. how fucking dare she. that fucking stupid bitch. how dare HE. knowing she was my client. i even had considered her a friend up until this point. i had considered moving in with her for christsakes wtf. and that the first time i felt that feeling. that awful awful feeling i no longer felt tonight. and then i felt it again a month later when he told me they were officially together. and again when i learned she met his family. (oh yeah thats another reason i think i stayed as long as i did because i adore his family. )

a bunch of other shit happened in between. him and i started talking again in march briefly when he basically cheated on her w me, then he came back in my life just this past december only to leave again like the coward that he is. but i’m grateful that happened because before i had always wondered what i had done to make him basically leave me for her, or so i felt. because he DID choose her over me. he chose to start a new relationship over mending the one that we had that was supposed to be forever. and i lost my shit. was literally destroyed shell of a human for months. extremely emotionally and mentally unstable. lost a bunch of friends cuz they couldnt handle me. got kicked out of school, lost a scholarship, almost lost a job, attempted suicide, went to the psych ward. it was really really rough for a long time. but today all of that has changed. i no longer feel that deeprooted sadness, devastation, horrid unbearable pain. today i have healed. i feel very sad for the both of them because i know how unstable their relationship is. cuz i was there. i was her. and i HATED her for a long time but i dont anymore because i feel bad she is in love w him and is gonna get hurt and heartbroken like i did. 

but i’m glad he came in my life again this past december because it cleared up a lot of unanswered thoughts i had. A. he still loves me and will always love me as i will him. B. he is thankful for me being in his life and will never forget me, and C. I DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG. i fought w every fiber of my being for us to be together and hes the one that threw it all away. hes the one that walked away. i promised him from the moment i knew i was in love w him that as long as we both loved each other we could fix anything. but he wasnt willing to try anymore so at least i know i gave it my all and its his loss cuz he was too weak to try to work together to make things right. or maybe we just werent meant to be. or maybe both.

irregardless, my arm is so mother fucking cramped i can barley type. and i have so much more i could say, i could go on forever. but the point is that the horrid feelings i once felt are no longer there anymore and i am truly 100000% happy today when i once thought i was going to die without him. so i am proof that healing from the most excrusiating heartbreak is possible and its possible to be happier when u lose ppl u cant imagine losing, and when u get a new life that u didnt even want