#and the people i am or could be interested in romantically
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I'm going to say this once, and I am not going to voice this again because the fact that it even has to be said, is absolutely crazy.
Nothing in ACOSF has shown us that Gwyn is ready for a relationship. She can't even leave the library at the end of ACOSF to attend Nessian's mating ceremony. She is probably now even more traumatized after the BR, and rightfully so.
Could she one day be in a relationship with a male/female? Sure. But that time is not now, right after ACOSF.
Right now, she is NOT ready for a relationship with anyone (including Azriel).
Do not get me wrong. If there had been ANY sign she had shown interest romantically in any character - I would not be saying this. But she has not shown that for anyone, let alone for Azriel.
Gwyn is going to eventually heal. But she does not need a man to do so. She does not need to play sidekick to Azriel and help him handle his so called "darkness" to heal.
Y'all can't just force her into a ship when she's clearly not ready for a relationship. Well, I suppose you can, but that would be disrespectful to SA victims everywhere.
Fictional character or not, SA trauma is real. Forcing this timeline of healing on Gwyn or shipping her with someone just so she can "fix him" or suit his "sexual freak" nature is just downright ignorant.
If y'all like Gwynriel because you think the aesthetic is cute or you think they'd compliment each other - that is fine. But this dialogue of Gwyn is gonna fix him and she and Azriel HAVE to be together because some half-baked statement from Azriel's POV - it's so weird.
Stop shipping women with people they have shown no interest in. Same goes for people shipping Elain with Lucien, when she loses her boldness around him and shrinks into herself.
Literally the moment SJM shows Gwyn is ready and likes Azriel or Elain suddenly gives Lucien the time of day out of her own free will, I will fully accept and understand the other ships.
But for now, I am shipping the couple that has actually shown desire and attraction and affection for each other. Just my opinion, and I'm not entertaining any arguments on this.
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can i say something. i am kind of scared to say something bc dick ship wars kind of scare me even though i have absolutely no preference and care extremely little about dick ships. but. hm. the thinking about 80s and 90s medias as products of their time got me thinking a bit.
so. the interesting thing to me about dick-kory in the 70s and 80s vs dick-babs in the 90s and early 00s os how much each of those couples was entrenched in the media ideals of the time and what people were looking for in a ship.
so like, if you look at dick-kory, theirs is a larger than life love that is destined from the moment she kissed him to learn human language. and theirs is a dynamic and relationship dripping in the popular soap opera tropes that were very pervasive a the time. you can't actually divorce their tribulations (dick being kind of condescending to kory as the Man of the relationship, she's a princess who has to get married for political reasons and dick gets mad, kory gets mad at him for supposedly cheating when he was raped by mirage, the epic wedding that gets literally blown up by raven to name a few) from the media norms that were very popular. they fight passionately and make up passionately very frequently. this is a very common dynamic in the 80s, where soap operas were topping the charts. everyone was watching general hospital. *30 million* people tuned in to see luke and laura get married and their relationship started with him raping her (which was later turned into "seduction") and they were considered like THE couple ever. everyone was watching dynasty. dallas was hugely popular. falcon crest. knots landing. dick and kory's relationship mirrors a lot of what people were eating up back then in the soap opera type media the new titans was emulating. luke and laura. gary and valene. bo and hope. bobby and pam. dick and kory. can you really talk about dick and kory if you don't know what was going on with "bope" back then? for reference, here's what was going on with bo and hope:
anyways. enter the 90s and the soap opera fervor died down in a massive way. soap operas were no longer prime time material and their popularity died down in a massive way & actually people started more making fun of the overwrought storylines and soaps in general. the ideas of destined, one true love was suddenly far more unappealing to people who thought it was cheesy & tired. what people in the 90s were looking for was not true love that is constantly tested and put through the wringer--what was gaining in popularity was UST and will they won't they dynamics. enter dick-babs. and while i wholly disagree with the idea of diminishing kory's importance in dick's life just to uplift babs, i don't entirely disagree with the notion that kory probably wouldn't have really worked in batbooks, so i understand why batbooks wanted to focus on a loveline for dick for a character they had full control of and could work into the stories. and, hm. moving dick away from the destined one true love at the time that was kory allowed them to put him in the romantic situations that 90s audiences were vibing with instead. because you can't suddenly do a will they won't they with a couple who's been solidly dating for *years*. so with dick and babs you're able to do that. he's interested while she's dating someone else. he flirts with someone else for a bit while she's single. while the entire time they're still good working partners while circling around each other. will they? or won't they? and this was super common in late 90s/early 00s sitcom shows that people loved and were at the top of the charts. the x-files with scully and mulder. friends with rachel and ross. fran and mr. sheffield from the nanny. it's still very much playing to what people wanted to see back then.
anyways as someone who truly has no horse in this race i do think media norms of the time around couplings are interesting to dissect.
#anyways i think you can make similar comparisons to bruce-talia and bruce-selina#in that o'neil had created talia as this grand epic love for bruce#in the 80s but under his editorial directorship in the 90s there was still a move away from bruce-talia to instead focus more#on the more flirty bruce-selina dynamic in accordance with what the viewers at home wanted#anyways. just some thoughts of mine.#i do think there is a push in media once again towards the romanticism of destined lovers
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The "Robin would never date Steve's ex who broke his heart" take is FUCKING stupid for a lot of reasons.
First of off, the autonomy you're taking out of Robin with this.
Like she's not Steve's sidekick, she's not his yes man, she's an indepent girl who should be free to date any girl she wants.
She would never let her friendship with him ostacolate her love life.
Why the fuck she should do that?!
No one would.
And also, Steve is actually the one who hurt Nancy the most (slut Nancy Wheeler).
And if you think for a second that Robin would ever take Steve's side, then you're wrong.
Just stop centering everything around Steve, and stop reducing Robin to be just his sidekick, 'cause she's FUCKING not.
Hi! So. Pretty sure you found the most recent post I made (on April 6th) tagged anti rnce (and ONLY anti rnce. Not even stranger things. Just anti rnce and my personal original text post tag and a quip about choosing violence. So clearly if that’s how you got here you chose to not just send a post you disagreed with to your friends to rant about but came into my inbox and tried to start shit)And if you didn’t I truly don’t get how you, clearly a rnce fan, found me.
I’m going to be honest. Neither of us are going to change each other’s minds. I don’t like rnce for a lot of reasons, from i just don’t see a romantic spark there to a lot of the shippers being kinda shitty. I don’t care what you ship, really, just that. Claiming it’s canon or should be canon endgame etc gets annoying. And that a lot of the times the way I’ve seen the relationship portrayed (because, contrary to possibly popular belief, I have actually tried to read some fics for them. It’s also such a commonly untagged side or background pairing that I am subjected to it like that often as well) there’s so often weird terf or radfem red flags and alarm bells going off. I’ve seen someone harassed by rnce shippers for calling them out and then those shippers loudly regurgitating terf talking points like it’s fucking funny. I know all fandoms and ships have bad eggs but holy shit.
There’s been a few posts about how for some reason rnce fans try to portray people who don’t like it as making Robin Steve’s sidekick, when really we are acknowledging the facets of her characterization other than her lesbianism. Just because she likes girls doesn’t mean that’s the only thing that matters to her!
Yes, Robin liking girls is part of who she is, it influences how she acts and what she talks about, but it’s not the ONLY thing about her. She likes old movies, she enjoys pop and new wave music, she does her make up in her best friend’s car, she forgot to mention she never learned to drive because he forgot to ask if she could, she thinks combining into a super being with said best friend would possibly solve most of their problems.
Robin is a character who makes her own choices! She chooses to butt in at scoops, chooses to stay with Steve in the bunker to hold off the Russians, chooses to tell him her deepest secret, chooses to apply for jobs with Steve once they heal from the mall, chooses to spend a lot of time with him! And that’s rad. It gives us insight on who she is!
Whenever I’ve written or talked about Robin choosing not to date Nancy, I’ve always made it perfectly clear that it is Robin’s choice. Because given what we see of her in two seasons, Robin is loyal, and greatly values her friendship with Steve. Like. Regardless of how Steve feels about it, and I do think of Robin was legitimately interested in Nancy and Steve thought she had a chance, he’d encourage her to go for it. (Steve isn’t blindly encouraging Robin to hit on Vickie. He has high suspicions that Vickie is queer in some way too! She likes boobies!) I think Robin would think twice about it just because how much she encouraged stancy to get back together in s4.
Honestly, it makes me sad seeing how many times “why would robin choose her best friend’s feelings over getting a gf” is said because like. I value my friends’ feelings all the time. If I thought something I was doing was or would hurt them, I would reevaluate. Why WOULDNT Robin consider her best friend’s feelings? The first person she ever came out to? Who made her feel safe and accepted? Who made her laugh when she felt most vulnerable? Who she encouraged to get back with his ex? Romance is not a level up from friendship, it is not the endgame of life, it is not superior to any other relationship type. Treating friendships as less important to romance is something to reconsider and reevaluate.
Your last point. Anon, who is centring Steve now? Sure. He fucked up in s1. Literally no one denies that. He fucked up and he worked to make things right. He cleaned up the graffiti, he went to apologize to Jonathan, and he presumably apologized to Nancy, because she decided to date him for eleven months after that. I highly doubt there wasn’t heavy gossip about the graffiti or their breakup/makeup. I do agree that before Tina’s party Steve wasn’t helping Nancy as much as he could have, but Nancy wasn’t communicating to him either. They weren’t in the right place for each other. If we consider the alley the breakup, how is that not still breaking his heart? Yes Nancy was on a noble crusade, but it still had collateral damage. It’s something interesting about her character!
Robin wouldn’t be on board with the graffiti. But like. Steve’s changed and apologized since then. And She wasn’t there? She’s just here for the aftermath of Steve’s reignited feelings for Nancy. Idk. Both Steve and Nancy hurt each other in s1/2. It’s not a Steve v Nancy thing? It’s just an acknowledgment that of the two, Robin is closer to Steve. She’s more likely to consider him. She’s not omniscient to everything that happened or the persons feelings and reasons for doing it.
I’m sorry you don’t think friendship has an equal or greater value than some romantic relationship, it must suck. I also hope you find better things to do than to come to someone’s inbox and try to start something over a ship you like that they don’t.
#anti ronance#I censored it in my answer but anon didn’t so it might show up in the search#but not in the tag#findaanswers#listen. just get out of here#if you think I’m a stupid idiot then block and move on#but you clearly came here from somewhere looking at stuff to be mad at because I always make sure to tag#also everyone ignores that Steve has CURRENT FEELINGS for Nancy that ROBIN ENCOURAGED
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being mains & exclusives with darehearts : a guide.
hello beloved crew ! i wanted to make a little psa on how these two concepts work on my blog and to inform you all that i am always open to discussing either option. i intend to have lower activity for the rest of the year, so my mains & exclusives will receive more emphasis as if they weren’t already.
being exclusives : this means we’re the only versions of our respective characters that we interact with. of course this doesn’t exactly work for ocs as they’re unique, but it could still be practiced from my partner’s end ( and my end by me pampering you 24/7 ). i bump up my exclusives’ replies on a daily basis monday through friday. every, single, day. if i have a reply completed for you and it’s in the queue, i check and bump up my exclusives for the following day ( or days if there are multiple replies present ). you’re guaranteed to get multiple replies a week as long as i have something completed in the queue for you. bear in mind that i don’t write romantic ships with anyone besides my gf, and i had bad experiences in the past when people wanted to be exclusives with me but then ditched me immediately when another version of my muse joined the rpc that they could ship with. for me to consider exclusives, we need to have interacted ooc and be friends, and have a certain amount of trust and writing done already. i’m open to consider exclusivity after being mains for a few months.
being mains : you are my go to version of your muse if there is any plot i want to explore or i want to interact with them, but of course it doesn’t limit me from interacting with other versions of your character. again, this works for ocs only in the sense you get priority when it comes to interactions and i’ll be going to you if i want to explore a plot. i do bump up my mains in my queue monday through friday as well, but after my exclusives. my replies typically won’t be almost daily, but i make sure that my mains get bumped up a few days a week even if not every single day. if i owe you something, you’re likely to get it back in a few days or week(s) depending on the traffic with my exclusives.
i reserve weekends for new interactions only. i no longer post mains or exclusive calls so if you have interest in either, you’ll need to directly reach out to me. to put it bluntly, if the idea of reaching out to me is uncomfortable, then that means we shouldn’t be mains or exclusives anyway. i’m hoping to reach out to a few people myself in the following days and see if they’re interested. if we become mains or exclusives, i will expect you to prioritize my replies for you in a similar way although if it doesn't have to be the same way. i’d like to add 4-5 more beloveds on there ! people sometimes have different interpretations of what it means to be mains or exclusives and that’s fine too ! it doesn’t mean i’ll hate you if we’re not compatible or that i won’t write with you ! i practice mains and exclusives because i’m a full time working adult with a lot going on and i can only spare limited time and energy. i want to make sure i use that for people who are equally interested in interactions.
#| ★ PSA#this is my good morning post apparently!#is this me getting my blog ready for rl changes in the horizon#yes. yes it is. love you all~
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SMASH or PASS: GMMTV 2024, Part 2
Ossan’s Love: Based on the trailer we were given, PASS. However, I will watch this one regardless because it’s EarthMix and I have hope that the actual show will be a bit less cringe because P’Au is directing it and we know from MSP that he can do romantic comedy well. Unfortunately, I have not seen the original and this particular trailer made me never want to.
Leap Day: PASS. Not even an autistic-coded Gun Attaphan could save this one for me. But good for Pond! This is a huge role for him.
The Heart Killers: Obviously, SMASH. I know people are saying this feels like SandRay 2.0, but I’m getting more YokGaipa vibes and I am living for it. You can read my full review here, but I just want to go on record once again and say how grateful I am that FK got an adult show with an adult plot and a queer director.
Friendshit Forever: SMASH. It’s giving me Cruel Intention vibes and if they let Mook and Pat make out at least once, I’ll send them a fruit basket.
Perfect10 Liners: PASS. If I never hear the words “Engineer Cute Boy page” again, it will be too soon.
Us: SMASH. Both Bonnie AND Emi make my brain go brrr, so I can’t promise I’ll be able to produce any coherent content about it, but I will be eagerly watching.
Hide & Sis: SMASH. This looks amazing and I loved P.S. I Hate You, so I’m expecting great things. Plus, Lookjun and Pepper finally get to work together! I’m so happy for them.
Thame-Po: SMASH. I know nothing about LYKN, but I enjoyed the trailer and I think it’s a great way for GMMTV to market their musical artists. Don’t think it’s going to help with people IRL shipping Est and William, though.
Break-up Service: lol, PASS.
Revamp the Undead Story: I will watch it because it is Boun’s baby and I love him, but in general, vampire shows only interest me if they’re slutty and I’m not sure GMMTV is going to allow that. So…PASS?
Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist: Genuinely, I didn’t think there was anything that could make Mark Pakin unattractive to me, but they somehow managed it. That trailer was just weird. Ohm TPK is way too green to be leading a BL and I didn’t sense any chemistry between him and Mark. I hope the show's good for Mark’s sake, but my expectations are not high. PASS.
The Dark Dice: I think I might have to wait until the actual trailer for this one, but tentatively SMASH. The problem is that I’m not a huge fan of Prom or Prim, so I would be watching exclusively for Gemini.
The Ex-Morning: Y’all, I’m still drooling over Singto in that fucking trailer. I’m sorry, but he looks hot as fuck. I’d SMASH for him alone. This was by far my favorite plot of the night. I love me a good rom-com and since this one’s being written by P’Aof (and none of the characters are blind), I trust him.
Overall, I thought this was a much better line-up than Part 1 and I'm excited for what's coming!
EDIT: I forgot Scarlet Heart Thailand, which I guess makes my opinion obvious. It's a PASS. If I was a woman surrounded by that many men, I would run. That's a horror movie, not a love story. And even without knowing anything, I guarantee she's going to end up with Win. Because someone at GMMTV thinks he's hot or whatever.
#gmmtv 2024#gmmtv 2024 part 2#i'm begging them to rename some of these shows though#sweet tooth good dentist???
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jude bellingham reading: as a boyfriend
hi everyone! i got a request to do a reading on jude as a boyfriend so here I am delivering it! I'll try my best to be consistent when it comes to posting so please be patient cause my life is quite hectic ty <3
personal readings
DISCLAIMER: this is all speculative and for entertainment purposes only, so take it with a grain of salt :)
(italicised is the card on the bottom of the tarot deck which is meant to represent the subconscious/blind spot of the situation + rx means reversed)
6 of pentacles, 7 of pentacles rx, 4 of wands, the empress | victim | gemini: curiosity, intellect and networking | turtle
jude is someone very generous when he is in a relationship, wether that'd be with time, affection, but mainly materially. i see jude as a provider, as he seems to have an innate want to take on the provider role in the relationship. his gemini venus tells me that he is happy having his s.o pursue their dreams, however, he'll be a safety net for them to retreat, as he loves to provide. the 7 of pentacles rx could indicate that he could be never satisfied with his material wealth, could have a scarce mindset and feels a burden to always provide. i think he has this need to feel wanted and has a mindset where he always needs to chase. there's this feeling of feeling stimulated by always working towards a goal. 7 of pentacles rx tells me jude could be someone who struggles to leave even if the relationship isn't working out. he's someone who could struggle with codependency, as when he's invested in something/someone, he will give his all sometimes to his own detriment. jude is a private lover, and prefers to not have his romantic life in the limelight. he could be very protective, and pursue those who he can build a home/family with. someone who gets along with his family could be very important to him as well. i feel that jude also prioritises people who he can create a safe home environment with. he looks for people who feel "home" to him however that may be. jude observes what his person is like when they're with his friends/family, as their opinion could influence his perception of his s.o. i see him as a social butterfly in a relationship, constantly wanting to do dates that involve others or do domestic activities such as cooking or baking. he loves celebrating and enjoying life, and ultimately loves creating memories and experiences with the people he cherishes most. jude can be someone who takes on a nurturing role in the relationship, i think this characteristic is innate within him due to him being the eldest in his family. he's got a softness within him and is willing to put others before himself.
with the victim card, this tells me jude's a bit of a pessimist and this tells me that whenever there's conflict in the relationship he could resort to a victim mentality. this isn't necessarily negative though, as this tells me his energy in love is still inexperienced (makes sense cause he's only 20). his energy can seem a bit hot and cold in a relationship due to his gemini venus, but this isn't malicious, he just enjoys having activities and independence outside the relationship. jude seeks intellectual stimulation from his partner and looks for someone he can have a playful relationship with. as a partner, he could really enjoy banter, he could want someone that could be his verbal sparring partner and enjoys a relationship that starts from a friendship. jude could also enjoy networking with his partner's friends as well. he has a lot of curiosity when he's with his partner, and loves getting to know them to their core. the turtle is an interesting figure, as it describes an ancient soul who is grounded, trusting and is at home with themselves. this describes that jude is an individual who seeks adventure and is peaceful and adventurous, there's also a duality to him as he is still figuring out himself yet has a lot of wisdom from within. he can take on a mentor or caretaker role in a relationship as those traits seem natural to him.
so that's it for the reading! let me know if you have any feedback, questions or requests! my askbox is always open for a chat as well <3 sending you love and light always :) hope you enjoyed!
#tarotblr#football tarot#football tarot reading#jude bellingham astrology reading#jude bellingham tarot reading#jude bellingham astrology#jude bellingham tarot#tarot community#tarot reading
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Honestly I can take the other definitions but, “not caring to act on attraction” just seems like celibacy. Imagine if we called people who felt romantic feelings but didn’t want to be in relationships aromantic instead of just “people who didn’t want to be in relationships”. Does the fact that they’re “functionally” asexual (ie meaning they’re not looking to have sex) mean that the label of asexual fits the kind of experience/treatment they want from people in the future anyway? Asking in good faith.
I think that if someone who experiences sexual attraction but has no interest in acting on it, in good faith identifies as asexual, they should be taken as such. I’m in the business of trusting people to know which terms will be most useful to them in describing themself and finding community.
My experience with asexuality includes many things. Here’s a short list of the ways it makes me feel outcast from society, driving me to find community with fellow asexuals:
Sexual attraction is viewed as an inherent part of the human experience, but it is something I cannot fully conceptualize, much less relate to and experience. Thus I am often deemed less human than my allo counterparts.
The society I live in is built around the idea that everyone desires and has sex, and often this means there is no place for me within certain areas of society.
Individuals and society as a whole treat those who have not had sex (for whatever reason) as less than and childish, so I am looked down upon by my peers for being asexual (and assumably never having had sex).
As someone who has occasionally desired romantic partnership, I am excluded from the world of romance because society deems romance and sexuality as inherently linked.
Now, not all of these points would necessarily apply to someone who experiences attraction but doesn’t want to act on it, but a lot of them would. And some of these points might not apply to even some asexuals who don’t experience attraction, like sex neutral and sex favorable aces. I’m sure there are also experiences some asexuals have that I don’t share.
At the end of the day, the asexual community, I think, should be a place for people who fall outside the allonormative, amatonormative societal model in terms of sexuality. If someone is experiencing sexual attraction, but does not care to act on it, they will have what I would be willing to define as an asexual experience. And if they deem it as such then I see no reason to exclude them from a community they could serve and be served by.
#I also think it’s worth further examining the idea of celibacy#most people who are celibate as we tend to think of it are doing so for a specific reason#usually either as a test of will or with the idea that their celibacy has a set end date#I think that’s notesble different from someone who is choosing not to have sex purely because they have no desire to#someone who would assumably plan on not having sex for the foreseeable future#and someone who may very well be in scenarios where celibacy is expected to be broken (like marriage)#hannah talks sometimes#aspec#asks#anon#anyways hope this was clear#also I didn’t fully understand the last part of this ask so I don’t know if I addressed that
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oh you want me to bring my friends now, hm? pretty girl bodies all soft and flushed with pleasure? pressed together? feeling each other? dripping with so, so much cum?
#i cant believe you came back but i am once again so thankful#ive been rereading the other ask a lot#she speaks#anon#asks#tentacles#i simply want to feel the strength and the tenderness of some big intelligent tentacle monster who soaks in my warmth#maneuvering me however it desires#i do love the idea of the tentacles pooling us all together. thats cute for some reason. piling us closer like kittens#even if it helps its grip or whatever practically#tangent tho. how many friends are yall having who you would casually fuck#bc for me personally theres always been a thick separation between people i am purely friends with#and the people i am or could be interested in romantically#not to say i dont adore my friends w real love or that me and my honey dont have a deep friendship alongside our attraction but#idk i just think about my Friend group n i cant picture having steamy gay sex#my mutuals on the other hand i am looking at you with HUNGER
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hello friends. despite my 9 million existing dreamling wips i'm feeling the need to branch out a bit for the sake of my mental variety. what pairing other than dreamling should i write a little something for? could be romantic or platonic
other way of phrasing i guess: any pairings you really want to see more fics for in the fandom?
#i actually do have one someone asked me for ages ago i've been meaning to get to so i'll try to do that too#bonus points if it still involves dream bc you know i love dream XD#probably wont do any romantic pairings /between/ the endless because well yeah#but open to exploring pretty much anything else... feel free to send whatever if you want. dont worry about if i'll like it#if i can't vibe with it or find it uncomfy i just won't write it no harm no foul#not me soliciting little prompts fully knowing that motivation is a fickle beast and who knows if i would get to writing them XD i want#to though! or like. idk. if anyone wants to share headcanons about their favorite pairings i am happy to receive them#the sandman#a couple that are bouncing around my head already:#rose meeting desire. this could be really interesting i think (they are of course her grandparent)#calliope and lucienne post-calliope's imprisonment: i think their dynamic could be interesting since they both have/had close relationships#with dream. but of course calliope's relationship with him fell apart. i think lucienne with whatever context of it she had would probably#be sympathetic to calliope's perspective but still staunchly On Dream's Side so the speak bc she is ultimately very loyal to him... could b#an interesting convo.#additionally - calliope and johanna. both suffered things recently. both had curious interactions with dream where they recently saw both#his vicious side AND a kinder more understanding side of him... [dream gave rachel a peaceful death at johanna's request etc]#but they've come out of their suffering really differently (granted it was different types of suffering. but)#wow here i am asking for people's ideas and then just coming up with my own XD#anyway#wait two others: i'm fascinated by the potential dynamic of lucienne and the corinthian they only had like one short scene together in the#show but can you imagine. spending eons being loyal to dream and then going opposite directions with that loyalty. being among dream's inne#circle so to speak except lucienne is her own entity while corinthian was /created/ by dream. they have the most fascinating venn diagram o#personality traits and narrative positions...#secondly. and this is kind of crack. but like. imagine johanna and corinthian in the same room XD 'hi i'm an exorcist and this is my pet#serial killer' 'yeah my lord gave me a vacation to go kill some demons' why doesn't he try to kill johanna? bc she tried to destroy him#first time they met and he can't help but respect it XD
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not to get too existential on main or anything but like. maybe there isn’t someone for everyone, romantically speaking. maybe some of us are just meant to be alone. because just the thought of having to date people, having to open up/alter your home and your life for someone else in the name of romantic partnership seems so exhausting to me, especially after trying for so long and constantly being let down in one way or another. i have gotten to the point in life where i am SO happy being alone. do i sometimes crave intimacy like any other human being? sure. but my peace doesn’t feel worth sacrificing to maybe find someone i can tolerate most of the time.
#much to think about#and for the record I feel like I may fall somewhere on the ace spectrum so sex isn’t really even an issue for me#like I could go the rest of my life without having sex with someone and it really wouldn’t bother me#also as an otherwise heterosexual cisgender woman my prospects on men are just… Not Great#also I should mention I am not aromantic#I am very much romantic actually#but I just feel like I’ll be alone forever because I refuse to settle#and I also refuse to use dating apps and that is unfortunately where most people my age range in their late 20s/early 30s meet people#and I think they are dumb and I don’t want to do that#plus I am vehemently childfree so there goes a lot of men lol but ones I wouldn’t be interested in anyways
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being chubby means there are wars going on in my mind every single day with millions of soldiers dying
#the fact it makes me feel like i am immediately eliminated as someone to be romantically or sexually interested in for most of the world#and like. if its true that someone wouldnt like me for my weight then i wouldnt want them either but like. oh god. oh my fucking god#i do want to lose some weight just bc i have a lot of clothes i got recently that i like that i want to fit into again#and its not even much that i would need to lose. but even the thought of moving towards being skinny is terrifying i would never want to do#that. like the thought that someone could like me as a skinny person and think i was ugly if they had met me a year earlier and i wouldnt#even know is HORRIFYING.#its like. ive moved past the outward fatphobia of our world a lot. i dont really care about how my body looks im pretty neutral about it for#the most part and im happy that ive gotten to thaf point#but the fact that the way i look is a MAJOR part of how other people interact with me is so scary. and makes me so sad#just like jo march. it doesnt really matter how much work youve done on becoming someone strong and smart and secure and having people you#love platonically. at a certain point having no romantic love makes you feel lonely#and a little worthless. like oh someone has to know me really well before ever being interested in me as more than a friend nice to know i#inspire no feelings of attraction in the people i am interested in because of the body i inhabit. awesome 👍🏻#ugh. its whatever. its just a lot of contradictory shit i think about a lot and hate thinking about so much
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we could tell a love story for the ages. a gay, gay-ass love story. i hate you !!!!
#gets romantic as a whole u are INSANE . and i am trusting the structure#director glenn ……. i promise i am trusting the structure . even if it’s fruitless#LET ME BE YOUR EVERYTHING#i could stare at your back all day ……#dennis stripes blue shirt in the back#i know it’s checkered but the downward stripes are more prominent#WHOCH IS INTERESTING …….a turning point#the dennis blue emotional stripes shirt …… overlaying but more prominently changing directions#would you say that maybe …. the cat is going to come out of the wall#so many people can talk about the framing of these scenes sooooooo much better i am just ! they’re there#u know the meaning that i can’t say
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Girl are you okay? Cause you've been looking through the "My lesbian experience with loneliness" tag again
Well the short answer is no :D
#the long answer is I saw one post of someone going 'well now that I'm 28 too maybe I'll try doing the same thing the protag does here''#and nearly cried because 28 is such a ridiculously long time away except not really except it's SO#fucking long and so close to what I was gaslit into believing I would ever have that I'd be lucky to make it to my thirties for no reason#and I never wanted anything different and just wanted to live and had panic attacks when reading but I'd still believe it was inevitable#and now I am suddenly having to come to terms with so much I want from life that I had resigned myself to never having because I couldn't#but how am I meant to do that? it's just hanging over my head now and it feels so stupid and I feel so out of place everywhere#it feels like I'm too bad at being a person to be loved and too angry to even admit I want to be#and too regretful to seek it because I'm scared of trampling over people's boundaries like people have done to me#and like I did too before I grew up and thought my way through having some empathy#why do only boys show any interest in me.... why is every friend I make entirely outside the range of people who could possibly reciprocate#why is it so easy for me to brush crushes aside aren't people supposed to suffer for this stuff#does that prove it's not a romantic crush and it's just that I want to be held and wanted#it feels so wrong to want this after fighting so much just to have fulfilling platonic relationships what's wrong with me#that I still want something else what more could I want this life is so ideal as far as 12 yo me is concerned#...when did my brain start viewing any and all kinds of want or ambition as doomed efforts for me?#I have such a headache all of a sudden#I think... the way I value self preservation has gotten all the way around into being harmful maybe#at least a little#everyone I know is nowhere near the amount of control freak as I am and they just go do things they want to do#have I seen them hurt over the consequences multiple times yes. but . I'm tired of hurting over absence#''did you know wishing you had more extreme and easily verifiable trauma is in itself proof of having undergone trauma'' well yeah but like#fuck why couldn't I be traumatized by anything else that wasn't literally the profession supposed to help you with all the trauma#delete later#like for real I want to delete it rn but I also don't
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Listening to people talk about how they get matches on dating apps and compliments from people but “they’re just so ugly :(“. Or people with an active love life talk about how they’re the person nobody notices, the person who doesn’t get dates or romantic attention ect. creates such a pit in my stomach. I feel ill.
#vent tw#ill ill ill#I know it’s my own fault. I don’t put myself in situations where I could meet somebody. I don’t like the thought of dating apps.#and in the end even if I like the thought of a romantic relationship. would that even be a good idea right now#but still it makes me feel so. hopeless.#I don’t feel unattractive or unlovable#I feel nonexistent#I feel like a ghost#I am by definition a background character#in some way it’s probably a good thing#I don’t get harassed or bothered while I’m out. I just do my own thing and people leave me alone#but when I go out with others I am always the least interesting person there#strangers will strike up conversations with my friends but there is no reason to even acknowledge me#I’ve added ghost to my cycle of things#sometimes I feel like a vampire. sometimes an alien. and lately. a ghost
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#hi hello yes i am twenty four years old i have known for the better part of half of those years i am not interested in#having sex with any possible permutation of being and yet every few months i wind up back here at the conclusion something#has to be Wrong for the concept to so viscerally disgust me#see disinterest is fine and good and ordinary straight people who dont have Issues to unpack are just very calmly not interested in the#concept of gay sex. great. this makes SENSE. i can even relate to this because im pretty middle of the road neutral on the concept of#having sex with women. dont want to. am capable of the normal human experience of seeing two women who want to be having sex with each#other doing so and thinking 'good for them'. so does it not follow that if i like men. want a boyfriend. want to hold hands with a guy and#do all those insanely sappy romantic comedy cliches#but can barely hold my downright revulsion at the thought of violating that happiness with... that. does it not follow that there is some#sort of issue that i have. that needs solving. what if this isnt right? what if theres a Problem and if i just find it ill be normal and#want all those normal things like everyone else. isnt disgust a bad reaction?? how can this be right? but by the same token. from where i#am sitting. how could i ever want different. different DISGUSTS me. i dont want what i dont have. im haunted by the idea maybe im#supposed to#hello i am twenty four years old and i am a sex repulsed asexual. over half my life this fact has given me nothing but grief.
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