#and start being so fucking awful

[intraosseous]

it is actually unreal how much i hate going to my parents’ home

#rant in tags #every fucking time it’s horrible at the beginning and then looks like it might be okay and then one or both of my parents corners me #and start being so fucking awful #going makes me feel paranoid and crazy and i am so fucking tired of it all #well. that’s probably just the constant gaslighting and manipulation actually #it’s not even that i get my hopes up or anything anymore #i just try to be slippery enough that they can’t sink their claws in while i hang out with my sisters #but in other news ! i’m living in constant sin by essence of my existence and also an idiot and a heretic #if anyone was wondering #literally the only thing i have to show for this visit is my new fucking bloody knuckles and memory of my sisters’ smiles #i am so drained and it’s not even 8 am. however have been dealing with this since eleven o’clock last night #my head hurts my hands hurt my body hurts #i just want to die #personal / #dont rb #delete later

[artbytesslyn]

i know tiktok and shit reels are making you think that not only does your art need to be aesthetically pleasing but also your painting process must be simple and clean and your hands can’t get dirty and every stroke needs to be beautiful.

this is a complete illusion. that artist with pretty hands is scrubbing every drop of paint off with every cut. The brush is barely touching the canvas. There’s rags everywhere. There’s gamsol on the floor. This is the fifth time they’re trying this composition. There’s 10 shredded attempts off-screen. The room isn’t ventilated enough. It’s annoying as fuck to paint with acrylic nails glued on. keeping the palette and palette knife clean for the camera is the most obnoxious thing possible.

You don’t have to sell your process. Not every moment you spend drawing or painting has to be sanitized for aesthetics. Keep something for yourself. idk

#tess talks #sorry i just saw a pretty painting process of a sky and it was so sanitized it pissed me off #REALLY pissed me off #being an artist just starting out these days #must be fucking awful

[marisatomay]

“you don’t owe anyone anything” actually you owe everyone everything!!! you OWE your table server and your coworkers and the elderly person you pass on the street and the dog on its walk and the child toddling along in the park and the driver trying to merge next to you and the pregnant person standing on public transport KINDNESS in return for theirs!! the connections we build are what give life meaning!!!

#a buddy of mine is a server and is getting ROASTED on twitter for complaining about #how often nowadays people will just completely ignore her when she greets them and asks how they are and what can she get them started with #and when they DO finally acknowledge that she Exists they’re rude about it all #and how demoralizing and dehumanizing it is #and of course people have taken this and decided that being told it’s rude to ignore that your server exists is actually ableist #like jesus fucking christ you people can’t do anything huh #like i’m serious i’m ND and have terrible days where i go mute sometimes and you know what i do? #do my best to not go out places that require social interaction but if i Must then i’m not a prick to the people i come across #because my issues aren’t their fault. and i owe it to them to not make their lives harder. #anyway i’m so angry for bailey people are so awful grow up and have some fucking AGENCY

[samarecharm]

I miss goro. Bring his bitchass back

#chattin #thinking of him in strikers is funny #local hermit and murderer out in the sun and living free #i think he would like sophia. not a whole lot but like. maybe hes a lil attached #thinkin about him having to be in a camper w the thieves is so funny #my mans is NOT sleeping in that fucking tent. hes finding some rocks to huddle under for warmth #but also. him and makoto riding up front #hes prob got his license too so they share driving duties #this is purely based off of my hcs for him since i didnt play royal but still wanted him alive #maybe his connections w shido also make him a suspect? i dunno #so by saes suggestion; he begrudgingly goes along w them #i think. it would be healing for him to see monarchs and their reasons for being so cruel #to know that they were in a bad place and acted out maliciously bc of it #and to see them grapple w the consequences of their actions #they did awful things even if they thought it was worth it. and now they have to start over #and guess what; life doesnt just end or stop; they gotta keep going #obviously this would make goro gag and block it out. he would hate it. #but it would still be healing #the guy at the boiler room who believed that maybe…..he could change……..hes still there

[bpdohwhatajoy]

People really underestimate my ability to fuck off when I feel like my presence isn’t wanted or valued

#ryan.txt #bpd #borderline personality disorder #I used to be awful at this #I’m getting better #wait till I’m at my full potential #to my ‘friend’ who started shit with me when I just cared about her well-being #who ignored me for an entire day #who pretty much only talks about herself #who I can’t even tell that she upsets me bc she always acts in a way that triggers the hell out of me #who can go awhile without talking to me #who after not even saying anything tried to hit me with the heyyyyy #who takes my presence and care for granted #yeah fuck you #and fuck you to my other ‘friend’ too #like don’t even get me started on these two I’m so fucking done #I hardly have any friends anymore and the two I’m closest to suck #good friend era when (it’s never happening for me)

[arohuacheng]

k sorry i’m legitimately so insane about pei ming and shi qingxuan though. pei ming as someone who’s not just a womanizer but someone responsible and dear enough to shi wudu for That Man to essentially appoint him as qingxuan’s guardian should anything happen to him… for pei ming to take that responsibility on whole-heartedly, trying to protect shi qingxuan and keep them out of trouble and lead them on the right path even from the very beginning of the story… he’s trying to keep her out of the whole mess with pei su he’s trying to make sure that she does what she needs to do to survive in heaven (she has never learned that one needs to be cruel and unjust to advance because her brother has done all the unjust cruelty for her) he’s trying to make sure that he fulfills that trust that was placed in him and that’s all before there’s even a hint of anything that would incapacitate shi wudu. and sqx sees this and she must know at least some of it but she hates him. just doesn’t like his personality. i am out of my fucking miiiind

#and then neither of them end up being able to fulfill their promise to shi wudu. #pei ming can’t protect her. shi qingxuan doesn’t let herself be protected by him. #and then in the very end it’s shi wudu who enacts the ultimate betrayal of his own requests anyway… #anyway. shi qingxuan who loves her awful brother but can’t stand his awful friend. #i don’t even know how to describe shi wudu and pei ming’s relationship but shi qingxuan sees it and goes 🙄 #but goddddd from the very very beginning you can see their relationship! #they are so tangentially related to each other and so important and yet unimportant to each other… #they’re both representations of a part of the other person’s relationship with shi wudu #and like. what do you do when your brother appoints his awful brother as your secondary guardian and that guy starts trying to fulfill that. #and that guy is general ming giang god of the north and god of love and known womanizer. and you are a girl with strong moral values. #i don’t even know how to express what i feel about them it drives me fucking insane though #talking #tgcf #tian guan ci fu #pei ming #shi qingxuan #tgcf sqx #tgcf s2 #tgcf spoilers #i guess? i mean. i tend to think that we’ve all read the book at this point. but perhaps that is not true fjskfjd #beefleaf arc spoilers

[autistic-beshelar]

ah yes dungeon meshi, the manga where an autistic man gets repeatedly bullied by people he thinks are his friends and not a single person supports him

#dont get me wrong i am enjoying this manga #but i'm failing to see how this is some great amazing autistic rep #like yeah laios is obviously autistic #and the struggles he has due to his autism are VERY relatable #but it's deeply uncomfortable that even the people closest to him are routinely awful to him #specifically for his autistic traits #and their bullying is almost always a joke #not a single person defends him #literally senshi is the only character that's never been cruel to him #well and farlyn but lbr she's also autistic and also has been in like half a chapter that ive read so far #maybe ive just not read far enough or not seen enough posts #but im not understanding why the fandom are treating it like amazing autistic rep and how it understands us so well #you could argue that the narrative tends to support laios's methods and way of thinking #but nothing else does #the scene with shuro was fucking awful to read tbh #'you're so annoying because you're autistic. how dare you think im your friend when you should have just guessed that i hated you' #and not a single person defends laios #or calls shuro out on what a fucking horrific way of treating a party member that is #like i dont know MAYBE you could have just said 'hey i don't really want to be friends' #maybe you could COMMUNICATE. #but no it's the autistic man who's the problem. for the crime of.... being too nice. #i don't have a problem with the scene. #i have a problem with the fact that shuro is framed as reasonable here. instead of utterly fucking vile. #i have a problem with none of the other characters sticking up for laios. #dungeon meshi #maybe ppl will start treating him better #i would like to continue reading #but if he continues getting bullied in EVERY fucking chapter as a 'joke' then idk man

[bookwyrminspiration]

the audacity of Josh to be like “I can’t believe Sophie betrayed me…” when SHE was the one holding out a hand reaching and HE was the one who turned away. dude

#the secrets of the immortal nicholas flamel #aw fuck I’ve forgotten the acronym it’s something specific #ANYWAY #Josh my guy #even if you’re right not to trust the flamels. DEE??? #you are being so manipulated rn #anyway guess what series I started up again

[camellcat]

WTFFF I thought thirteen would be my new girl crush love of my life heart eyes wife you-came-after-twelve-you-must-be-better-than-they're-all-saying bbygirl and then I had to sit down and watch as she told a man who (if he were not a murderer, of course) literally every regeneration before her would've LOVED and FULLY SUPPORTED that "the systems aren't the problem. how people use and exploit the system, that's the problem. people like you" </33333 !?!?

#WHERE IS THAT POST THAT SAID NINE WOULD KILL THIRTEEN FOR BEING A CLASS TRAITOR #WHY WOULD YOU SAY “ERODE PEOPLE'S TRUST IN AUTOMATION” ALL WORRIED AND CONCERNED LIKE THAT??? #WHEN DID YOU START LIKING AUTOMATION OVER PEOPLE THINKING AND DOING THINGS FOR THEMSELVES??? #AND WHY ARE YOU TRAVELING WITH A COPPER??? WE HATE COPPERS?????? #did we FORGET into the dalek?? how about how he treated danny?? god there's so much more I can't even remember off the top of my head #(I understand soldiers are different from cops but c'mon don't even PRETEND twelve would've been any nicer if blue or danny were just COPS) #also a bit off topic bUT MAY I JUST TALK ABOUT ARACHNIDS IN THE UK FOR HALF A GODAMNED SECOND— #I know the companions are usually the ones to do the doctor's dirty work here but like #I just can't see the other doctors NOT having the business man lure the spider for being so fuckin annoying about it #like I was genuinely surprised when they had him do that whole song and dance about not doing it and then he actually just. didn't do it #the doctor LOVES fucking with evil rich business men this is PERFECT. plus why not get back at him for being awful to their companions? #absolutely gobsmacked thirteen let him act like that. I am wrong in thinking that the others would've shut his shit down a LOT quicker?? #anyways. I love jodie whittaker and it's just so upsetting to have her doctor do something so wildly off #THIRTEEN PLEASE I HAD SUCH FAITH IN YOUUU I WAS IGNORING THE HATERS AND FOR WHAT #I can SEE the other doctors in her still I can FEEL them they're there she's doing an AMAZING job but. oh my god. what did they make her do #I can't even say she feels ooc as a whole because jodie is bloody brilliant. it's just these... moments. that don't make ANY sense to me... #especially coming off of twelve?? I get the radical personality switch but that belief is a core part of the doctor. or at least I THOUGHT #thirteenth doctor #doctor who #I still love all of you who love her and reading ur posts/fics but I. will not be making any myself. I do not think.

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

thinking so so hard about LaughingStock and how that'd go down. disastrously, probably

#and ill talk about it at Length in the tags until tumblr cuts me off like a rowdy drunk after last call #please keep in mind this is all in my Brain and relationship dynamics etc are all technically speculation. anyway #so while franklydear is your more classic 'oh no im in love with him! / aw shucks im in love with him<3' #laughingstock is 'feelings what feelings / oh shit oh fuck this is bad' #to Me. #in my mind howdy is completely oblivious to his emotions #he's out here like 'gotta get the store impressively neat & shiny for barnaby! and everyone else' without blinking an eye #he starts assembling barnaby and wally's dogs slower an slower so that barnaby has to hang around a smidge longer than usual #he's out here giggling at barnaby's jokes while sweeping Hours or Days after the joke was told like a lovesick idiot #all while being like Ah Yes Barnaby My Dear Friend. My Platonic Buddy Whose Jokes I Laugh At A Little Too Hard. Platonically. #meanwhile barnaby Realizes his own feels. has a minor crisis. goes through the 12 stages of grief and absolutely panics #he's like 'ok just gotta play it cool. normal. dont be weird. he'll fall for your natural charm in no time' #'ill hold all of my feelings right here until i die or howdy reciprocates. i just cant tell anyone about this.' #'....hey wally you can keep a secret right' #and rizzes it up yk. rolls a nat 20 on charisma every time without howdy even realizing it. ig barns rolled for stealth too #and from barnabys pov its going great! #howdy is flirting back! hes showing all the signs! when eddie views their interactions he comes to barnaby later and is like A+ gay as fuck #so barnaby is a soft pining mess and howdy is Absurdly Oblivious despite being a clever & observant guy #so im imagining (will freely admit that this Train of Thought is slightly inspired by the latest chapter of Stamps by Indigopoptart) #that eventually barnaby is Confident in their budding relationship ok. hes ready to ask howdy out. #everyone who Knows (wally & eddie) are like Go For It He Clearly Loves You #and when barnaby tells howdy. howdys like 'ohhhh geez um im really flattered 🥺 but i dont feel the same 😔😭' #cue barnaby turning into the 'never again' meme while trying to laugh it off and pretend like he didnt just have his heart mr starked #so he goes home to smoke his pipe and cry and howdy goes about his day feeling Strange #why cant he stop thinking about that confession. what are these emotions. i mean its not as if hes in love with Ohhhhhh No. Oh No. #so howdy has his 'holy shit! im in love with barnaby! (lovestruck. swooning) ....Holy Shit I Rejected Barnaby (horrified. nauseous)' moment #cue howdy expecting barnaby to come by in the morning as per Routine so they can talk. he Doesnt. cue howdy stressing the fuck out over it #meanwhile wally sally (eddie sent her in his place. hes too busy) and barnaby are having a girls day (eating ice cream and watchin romcoms) #eventually barnaby hears that howdy has been Dropping The Ball and cant not check on him. cue emotional heart-2-heart outside the bodega #this is all very specific but its in my brain. these scenarious lull me to sleep every night lately

[inamagicalhallucination]

i dont get when ppl say "atsushi would be horrified" at something thats probably just another tuesday for him

#yall atsushi is sheltered as in he doesn't know the real world literally cuz he was locked up #not that he doesn't know how evil or awful ppl can be #sure maybe some things he'll be horrified - especially since he usually seems to sympathize and empathize but stop treating him like he's #only seen good things in his life and doesn't know how hard it gets #i think atsushi would really only react to the specifics of dazai's relationship with akutagawa in terms of akutagawas past but i dont thin #hed start being scared of dazai or anything #i think he might take some time to process it but atsushi is aware of the dazai that dazai has changed into too #also in terms of atsushi not wanting to kill #when he realized that he killed shibusawa he had a little break down and then he got the fuck over it lmao #so idk whats this stuff about atsushi not being able to handl ever killing anyone #like he doesn't like unnecessary killing and he doesn't like not valuing life but still guys come on #also when ppl talk about atsushi not understanding or getting the fact that dazai wants to kill himself #like okay yea atsushi isnt dazai he'll never understand but sometimes ppl act like atsushi doesn't know what suicide is #or that despite his strong want and thirst to survive he also doesnt also think itd be better if hed died in a ditch #what else #also i dont like when ppl say atsushi is weirdly mean to akutagawa becuz akutagawa showed up and in a way confirmed atsushis worst fears #bringing misfortune to those around him #and then tried to kill him #and then resented him for dazai liking him more even tho thats not atsushis fault at all #fuck id throw dazai's name back at akutagawas face too #and he did come to understand and care for him to some extent #atsushi cares about akutagawa i dont understand how ppl can think he doesnt #anyway #also atsushi canonically gives ppl who've hurt him second chances like look at lucy why would he turn his back on dazai ever

[soppsop]

i just rememberd adhd meds exist and now im upset because i could have that if it wasn't for that freakin neurologyst we went to see that told us it was impossible that i could have adhd because i have good grades in school. literally the ONLY question he asked me and immediately said it was impossible. we spent like 5 minutes there. he could've at least... explained something???? anything?????? and now i'd feel bad about asking my parents to see another neurologist because that costs a lot of money :((

#now im just unable to concentrate on anything and feeling very worthless #ok gonna start rambling here a bit #vent? -> #i'm just not good at anything except drawing. everything is hard and i don't think i'm capable of getting a job and contributing to society #in any way except drawing. my self worth is being held almost entirely by my ability to draw. #but i'm also incredibly slow and unproductive and it's so hard sitting down and starting a drawing and finishing that drawing #drawing is the thing that makes me feel alive and feel good about myself so when i can't draw i just feel really awful #i just wish i could concentrate and work and be productive man. why do i have so much stuff going on in my brain. why is everything so hard #sadge 😔😔 #ok gonna try to draw i hope something cool comes out or i'm throwing my computer out the window and playing videogames #oh also another neurologist once told me depression can't be caused by school #i'm pretty sure it can but idk im not a doctor #what is up with these neurologists man #i know it's gonna get better tho. life might suck but i *am* a teenager and it's only gonna go up from here. #im still learning about myself and stuff. also no school next year that's gonna be awesome #don't wanna end on a sad note bc life is good actually #and i'm fucking amazing at drawing

[stag-bi]

ive been playing witcher 3 for the last couple of weeks and like. is Lambert flirting w Geralt hardcore in the kaer morhen scenes or is it just my delusional fujoshi nature

#whenever geralt says 'ur so bitchy and rude' lamberts like Haha just like the women ur into. Dont fall in love w me bro 😏 #being especially rude to yennefer and bringing up tess in front of them as if to start a fight #hounding geralt on how all the girls he fucks are sooooo bad for him and how awful they are #calling geralt pretty boy and otherwise bringing up his appearance #looked up most popular witcher 3 fanfics immediately after geralts and lamberts first quest together in kaer morhen #and all the m/m fics are geralt + dandelion/eskier ??? #didnt feel any tension between those pairings but ?? hmm #witcher 3 #the gay vibes took me by surprise bc this is like the straightest game ive ever played

[hauntswitch]

Im so sorry but the L word is absolutely fucking hilarious - none of these women have an ounce of morality between them and yet they're all somehow still loveable characters. Despite the atrocities. And the bad 2000s haircuts. And the deeply questionable fashion choices.

#shane your haircuts mean the world to me this isnt about you sweetie #also in general sorry but alice's chart? so unethical but so fucking funny just as a concept #bette and tina? their whole NINE SEASON thing? hilarious #alice liking a uniform? so funny #helena peabody going from being so awful in her first season to suddenly becoming the most pathetic sweetheart as soon as season 3 starts?? #funny as hell #jenny schecter's whole thing?? the random dream things? her becoming more gradually insane? man. i could never ever hate her even though #the writers tried so hard to make her unlikeable and evil #marina being a central character in season one then the writers deciding to have her drive into a fucking hotel then leave for italy or #some shit? what the fuck! also Jodi did nothing wrong ever and she didnt deserve all that. also Dana broke my fucking heart #anyway im losing what i was rambling about here... anyway would i recommend the L word? probably not lol it has so so so many problems #but despite that - all the characters became so important to me despite how batshit and bad this show was. #the l word

[youhavethewrong]

do you guys remember when Attack On Titan had a fucking Looney Tunes Babies style spin off where all the characters were in junior high and the titans were just bullies and eren was mad at them because they ate his hamburg steak and it was legitimately better than the original

#yui rambles #dont ask me why i randomly remembered #i often think about attack on titan #about how its first season was one of the most promising new shows at the time #it felt so refreshing and full of life and energy and ideas and something to say #and then you reach a certain point in the story and youre like #...huh this is weird #and you keep reading/watching and start wondering what's wrong #and then at a certain point it just hits you #and youre like woah! wait! #i get it! #the author is not a good writer! #this pacing sucks! the reveals suck! #i get it now! the beginning of the story was a fluke! #attack on titan's legacy was carried on an extremely promising intro section and a very competently made anime adaptation #but not even the sick art style and incredible action scenes could save a story so shoddily told imo #and then you reach the end and its like wow. so the thing you had to say was awful. #sorry i dont mean to swing at a hornets nest #i just think about it because when a story nosedives that hard its like. a case study for me #whatevs this is all my opinion no disrespect if you like it #but even if you like it i think you HAVE to be aware that the point being made with the story is a pretty fucking terrible one #anyway this post got fucking derailed in the tags lmao my point is attack on titan junior high was legit funny and had a better ending lmao

[feline-evil]

Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.

#metalocalypse #jay talkin #I'm sorry they wrote that awful gross little man far too likeable and relatable to on a trans level #for me not to hoot and holler and cheer for the trans pickles agenda #changes nothing about his character arc or any of the show anyone is capable of being the kind of person he is #don't make the mistake of thinking thats exclusive to cis men #his transness wouldnt change that #only adds on an extra layer to him that i think works fantastically. #Listen that dude was rejected by his family driven to drink and drugs young to escape that ran away to be in a band #is called fucking Pickles of all things and refuses to tell anyone his real last name; #over the span of four seasons and two movies he slowly starts to learn to be for others what he never had #he becomes more caring more supportive #it's not a stretch to say he undoes some of the toxic masculinity he's been keeping himself shielded behind #and learns how to be a kinder man. #all of which have no contradictions with him being trans! #In fact it doesn't take much extra thought to find ways a lot of this can line up with some trans masculine experiences #i mean. Did no one else have a younger phase where they swung as far as they could into crass rude and uncaring ways #to try and assert their masculinity only to grow and realise that you can be a man and be more caring. #Did no one else have father issues. 1 800 come on now i know those are both shared experiences a lot of us have had LOL. #at the end of the day this show aired nearly 20 years ago and is finished. we're not getting more of it #so nothing is altered nor changed if pickles is canonically trans or not ok. its fine #i mean hell i dont even need canon confirmation hes trans to me and thats all i care abt #but i think if yr getting suuuuuper weird abt needing him not to be canonically trans you have some issues #and bio essentialist ideals of gender if you think only a cis man can act like he does #again. anyone can be like that. its not exclusive. him being trans would not change him in any way shape or form lol #AND ALSO GODDDUUUGH for once i love getting to see a guy pushing 50 whos depicted as trans #do you have any idea how dire and barren it is out here. we never get to see a trans guy older than 30 and whos not a pristine model #I WANT MORE OLD SHLUBBY SHITHEAD TRANS GUYS IN MEDIA