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#and saying that doesn’t mean you hate her
undercoverpena · 1 day
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when his eyes open
joel miller x f!reader | masterlist
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summary: joel wakes and admires you and the morning.
wordcount: <600 warnings: joeticness, a little angst, a little twisty. an: dedicated to @joelscruff, who told me this was one of her favourite gifs when i asked for inspo for my first ever giflet. for info on giflet's, see @morallyinept's list here. gif credit to the wonderful, amazing @perotovar.
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Before, the routine had been to simply make it through.
To survive another day in a place where crimson clings to clotted wounds, where weeds choke signs as rot consumes all that once lived. 
There are names that linger on his lips. Indelibly stained, carved deep inside him. Never forgotten, each a raw wound with grief around them that throbbed incessantly. Each woven into the very fabric of his soul.
When his eyes close, a horror movie plays on repeat. Blood-soaked shirts and the crack in his voice when he shouts. The snarl in his throat when skulls shatter and bodies break. In these brutal moments, he found himself living again, in a way that's both savage and necessary, the violence a perverse affirmation of his existence.
Plagued—tormented.
Then he wakes, and the truth crashes down—it’s not a movie, but his life. A routine he trudged through for so long until he found this place. A place where sunrise doesn’t mean pack up and move. Where golden light caresses the room he’s been given, kisses the guitar that has built callouses instead of his gun. Light falls softly on things he’s crafted with his hands, hands that once only knew how to take and destroy.
Joel wakes in a room, inside of a home, that’s now his.
A younger him might have given more for the kindness shown to him. The sacrifices he made would have felt meaningful, the blood spilt a necessary price. But now, the weight of his sins, the lives he’s shattered, and the innocence long lost have left him hollow. Acts of kindness feel like a cruel jest, an echo from a life he can barely remember, a life he feels he no longer deserves. In this quiet dawn, amidst the gentle light, he is haunted by the shadows of what he’s become.
But he's tired, worn. The face that greets him in the mirror is now aged, beaten down, and scorched by the relentless elements. Not that you seem to care.
You, who, as his lashes lift and focus, he finds reading for the second time this week. Twisted away from him, the book tilted to catch the sunlight so you don’t strain your eyes. You’d traded for it, your thumb lifting the corner of the page before dragging it to the opposite side—so loud in the quiet.
Joel doesn’t need to steal a moment, but he does all the same. He’s so used to taking, after all. 
He admires how the years have been a little kinder to you than they have to him. How you are a rare sweetness in a world that knows only bitterness. A thing that would have been coveted before and is now more than cherished. He appreciates you when his body doesn’t betray him, when age doesn’t force his eyes closed as his spine meets the bed. But when he can, when he’s able, he leaves marks that’ll last for days—a prickly burn on your inner thighs as you weave your fingers into the hair he’s not allowed to cut. When he holds you so tightly atop him, he knows you can trace the bruises he’s left.
You leave your own marks too. One of them from simply looking at him, showing him that smile—the one that could stop a younger man's heart.
He waits for another page to turn, eyes closing and reopening before he slides his palm over your knee.
Morning, you say.
Morning, he replies.
A new routine, one he doesn’t hate, yet it haunts him with its simplicity and its promise of a fragile peace.
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patscorner · 2 days
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Kk or Emily defending her girlfriend from toxic fans?
Maybe on live or in person
on it!
I'M ALL YOURS
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Summary: After an amazing game, you, your girlfriend, and the team go out to celebrate. But, it doesn’t go as you wished.
wc: 1,479
contains: slight angst, fluff
______________________________
“Careful, ma, that’s shot number 3.” Emily informs you, her hand squeezing your thigh. You roll your eyes, before putting your hand on top of hers.
“Relax, baby, we’re celebrating! You should have another.” you smile.
The Mystics had just beat New York Liberty in a double overtime, so obviously, the team went out to celebrate their win. The game was close, the Mystics only winning by a half court buzzer beater from Brittney Sykes.
So after all the press and interviews, the team made their way to a nearby bar. “I would, but one of us has to be sober.” She laughs, sipping her drink. You shake your head and sip your drink as well. After having a conversation with your girlfriend for a while, you decide that you want to dance, so you drag Emily off of her stool and onto the dance floor.
It’s not super crowded, but there were enough people to where you were always shoulder-to-shoulder with someone. You and Emily dance to the music, her hands on your waist as you let the alcohol take over. Eventually, you get tired, and Emily guides your unsteady body back over to the bar, asking the bartender to give you some water.
As you chug the water, a girl comes up to Emily.
“Hi! Are you Emily Engstler?” she asks excitedly. Emily smiles at her, and nods.
“Oh my god. Okay, can I please get a picture, I literally love you so much.” You’re no stranger to people asking for a picture with Emily, because well, she is a basketball star. So, at first this interaction is normal, and you see no reason to intervene. Until the girl offers to buy Emily a drink.
“I mean, if you want to, of course.” The girl says when she notices Emily’s hesitance. You’re listening now, awaiting Emily’s response.
“Uh, no, thank you. I’ve got a girlfriend.” Emily said, motioning to you with her head. The girl looked around Emily and you waved. She frowned, looking back at Emily.
“Her?” she asked with her eyebrows raised. Emily furrows her eyebrows, looking back at you, and you’ve glaring at the girl with a stare that could kill her.
“Yes, me. Is there a fucking problem?” you ask, standing up off of your stool, causing Emily to look at you worriedly.
The girl scoffs, looking at you up and down, seemingly amused by your size. You're on the shorter side, and not the buffest person on earth, but you had a mouth and a temper. “No, babe, I just thought Emily here would have better taste, but-” She looks at you up and down again. “I guess I was wrong.”
Emily stands up now, before you can react. She knew you could hold your ground but she did not want to wait until you had to. She’d rather shut it down now, and avoid the press and interviews.
“I think it’s best if you walk away. “ She spoke at the girl, her voice flat, lacking any sympathy. She hated having to be mean to fans except for when they openly disrespect her girl. The girl scoffs, and makes one big mistake.
“Ugh, I should’ve known. All you basketball players are fucking assholes. You guys aren’t even that good of a team. I hope you tear your ACL or some shit.” she then turns to you. “And you. I want you to know that pretty doesn’t know your fucking name. Your main concern should be someone trying to steal the beautiful, but unfortunate bitch you call your girlfriend. Maybe instead of being jealous when someone offers to buy your girl a drink, be flattered, and maybe attempt to live through her, because you sure as hell won’t have to worry about it.”
And with that she turned around and stormed out of the party. Emily starts after her, but you grab her arm, and she looks down at you. “Don’t. Don’t worry about it.”
“But, baby, she-”
“I know.” you say, sadness lingering in your voice. Maybe it was the alcohol, but for some reason, that girl’s rant got to you more than it should’ve. While you know most of it was jealousy and embarrassment on her end, you couldn’t help but doubt yourself. Was she right? Were you not good enough for Emily, like she implied?
“Just-let it go.” you smile, but it doesn’t reach your eyes, and Emily noticed. You felt your skin grow hot, and an ache behind your eyes. You clear your throat. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Be right back.”
“Ma-” Emily starts to follow you, but you stop her.
“I just need a minute, Emily. I’ll be right back.” She stops in her tracks and opens her mouth to speak. “Okay. I love you.” she whispers quietly, but loud enough for you to hear over the music. “I love you too.”
You turn around and head to the bathroom. It quickly became your place of solitude as you broke in tears. You don’t know why you were crying, possibly the initial shock of it all wearing off. Or maybe because deep down, you had your own insecurities about yourself, and how you were seen by the public. It shouldn’t matter or affect you, but it does.
Emily had made sure she kept you off of social media, or at least that side of it, knowing how toxic it could be. But that doesn’t matter if the fans came up to you in real life, like tonight.
You hear someone knock on the door, and decide it was time to fix yourself up. “Be out soon!” you call out. After you wipe away your runny mascara, you fix your hair, (that was messed up from you running your hand through it), you open the door.
On the other side is Shakira and Didi, who noticed your botched makeup and disheveled hair. “Hi- oh, shit, are you okay?” You nod unconvincingly, before pushing past them. The girls share an unconvinced look, and turn around to watch you leave the bar.
You don’t know how long you’ve been outside, but you do know you’ve been through 4 cigarettes. You’ve been sitting in silence for a while, letting your thoughts consume you. You don’t even notice when Emily comes and sits down next to you. You only make notice of her when she takes the cigarette from your mouth.
You don’t look at her, but you hear her shoe stomp it out on the cement. She scoots closer to you but doesn’t touch you. She knows how fragile you are, and how you hate crying in public, so she opted out of being the bend that breaks the camera’s back.
“You know she’s wrong, right.” she finally speaks, softly.
You don’t acknowledge her, just continue staring at the passing cars. You hear her, but you don’t have the energy to speak.
“Right?” she whispers. The softness of her voice isn’t something that’s uncommon for you, but to everyone else, it’d seem unusual. But Emily was comfortable enough around you to let her guard down. She was a big softie.
You let your head hang as you feel the tears start to fall from your eyes. Emily gives in and reaches for your hand.
“No one means more to me than you do. You are the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on.” Emily sighs as you remain silent. “Look at me.”
When you don’t answer, she gently grabs your chin and forces your eyes on hers. You sniffle and close your eyes as tears fall down your face.
“Oh, baby.” she whispers, cupping your face and using her thumbs to wipe your tears. Finally, you let a broken sob escape your throat.
Emily pulls you into a hug, shushing you as you break down in her arms. “Shh, ma, I know. I know. It’s okay.” she rubs her hands up and down your back. “You can’t let ‘em get to you, baby. There’s always gonna be someone that has some shit to say.”
She pulls away, and wipes your cheeks once again. “And as for me, I’m not going anywhere. I’m all yours, and you’re mine. Nothing anyone says is gonna change that. Understand?”
You nod and she pulls you into a soft loving kiss. “Can we go home, please?” you whisper as you pull away. Emily smiles sadly and nods.
After that night, Emily posted on her story, calling out the girl who approached her that night (who you later find out has done the same thing with a lot of other teams).
Even though you have your doubts about yourself, there’s no doubt in your mind that Emily loves you. No matter what anyone else says, she’d love you regardless. No amount of stuck up bitches would change that.
She was yours, and you were hers.
______________________________
taglist: @bueckerslover @wintersstan @lilia22hicks @fake-intelligences
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dollarstorefern · 18 hours
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*cough* if you hate amber volakis i hate you *cough* (just kidding!) (i’m not.)
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I know you mean good but fat girls can also break easily. I also don’t mean to sound rude or offend you but it’s rare for fat girls to be 6 foot, I know you might be fat and 6 foot but it’s pretty rare. I think most people stick to petite girls in cod stories because it would be scary and horrifying if they gave reader their sweater and all the sudden reader fits or barely fits in it and it only works as a crop top on them. And please try to remember just because their fat doesn’t mean they aren’t clean fat girls bathe too and do their eyebrows too they aren’t slobs. Fat girls can break when they get laid and yes I believe they also will jiggle around in the process so please try to be mindful when bringing up cod guys with a fat girl
Girl what
I'm 5"2 so idk what you're talking about lmao
Also, I have never once written fat/chubby girls in a bad light, like???
OMG WHAT THEY BATHE?!?!?!?
Ya don't say.
I'm literally a fat girl myself 💀
I've seen this before, so it's probably someone sending it to creators who write for chubby readers to get their point (???) across or something.
People can write whatever they want, okay.
Most writers write with themselves in mind, so the reader will reflect that in subtle ways. I know that the petite girl thing is become sort of a meme on here but like there are girls who look like that lol
And like, this is fiction. I don't know why you're trying to justify only writing for skinny people by saying it might be unrealistic in some ways????
If I say the reader is fat and like Johnny's hoodie is oversize, THEN IT'S FUCKING OVERSIZE OKAY
And if I want John to pick up the chubby reader and carry her across the goddamn world, HE FUCKING WILL
When did fanfiction become about realism???
Y'all write about hybrid AUs, Omega stuff, Monster AUs (no hate, I love all the unique ideas!!) but we can't write about fat girls??
Yeah no. Not in this fucking house.
And the thing about breaking easily....
Girl, we literally have built-in airbags. Whether that's tig ol bitties, thunderthighs, the tummy of love or the ass of the century.
Like we are cushioned all the way through????
If you throw me and my (skinny) sister against a wall, who do you think is gonna come out with fewer injuries?
Yeah.
Again, NONE OF THIS IS REAL.
I know this is probably a troll, but I'm so sick of people like this. Anyway,
FAT GIRLS FOREVER 🩷✨️
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calaisreno · 2 days
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Sixth Sense
885 Words / Prompt: Intuition
Molly notices. 
She’s not really a friend of John’s. They're friendly, but she never has much to say to him. He’s kind to her, and probably aware of how she felt about Sherlock. 
As one of the few who knows Sherlock is alive, she has a terrible advantage over John Watson. Not the one she used to wish for. 
They met in her lab, when Mike Stamford came looking for Sherlock, to introduce him to John. Well, nobody introduced her. Sherlock was fixated on her lipstick for some reason. She remembers John’s eyes on her, then turning to focus on Sherlock. That was the day she finally figured out that Sherlock wasn’t interested in her. In time, her crushing disappointment was lessened by the realisation that he was gay. It wouldn’t have mattered what shade of lipstick she wore or however many coffees she brought him; he would never look at her the way he looked at John.
At first she thought John was straight. After her blunder with Jim from IT (who turned out to be not only gay, but also a criminal) she consulted her friend Jasper, another gay man. “How can you tell?”
Asking this, she wasn’t thinking about Sherlock, or even Jim. What she was wondering about was John, who sometimes looked at Sherlock as if he’d hung the moon, but still dated ridiculous women. 
Of course men have different taste in women, just as women prefer certain types of men. She was attracted to men like Sherlock— tall, pale, Byronic hair, blindingly intelligent. Men who entered rooms with a swirl, who spoke with voices that made her shiver. They were hard to find, and to expect such a man also to be kind, romantic, and not gay was apparently too much. 
John dated women who were a bit out of reach. Taller women, confident women, the kind who didn’t need the right lipstick to be noticed. The kind who didn’t own three cats and spend the holidays with their ageing mother. These unobtainable women never lasted more than two dates. And he never seemed to mind.
John is not Molly’s type. She appreciates his abilities as a doctor. He has the right manner with Sherlock, a bit snarky, but not mean. He’s not tall, not gracefully slender. He has a temper. He’s blond and a bit sweary, good-looking in an average way, an ordinary bloke who goes out for pints with people like Greg Lestrade and Mike Stamford. 
She’d barely noticed him that day in the lab. He’s a man who doesn’t stand out, who completely disappears in the shadow of a man like Sherlock.
John and she are that awkward thing: friends of friends. He would never introduce her as, my friend, Molly. It would be Sherlock’s friend, Molly. If he asked a favour of her, she would do it because Sherlock would appreciate it, not because she feels any obligation to John.
She doesn’t hate him, or wish anything bad on him. She might have felt jealous for a few days, simply because Sherlock never forgets John the way he forgets about her the minute she’s out of his sight. 
She noticed him watching John, usually when he wasn’t looking. He looked sad. And she thought, I know what that feels like.
The memory of that look weighs on her, weeks after Sherlock’s funeral. A hard day, that was, sitting in a pew trying to fake sadness as she watched others grieve.
As she watched John grieve. 
What does it mean that John Watson looks like he’s lost everything? She sees him at the hospital sometimes, his hooded gaze avoiding the eyes of others, his psychosomatic limp making him wince with pain. 
She can’t say what it is that tells her. Maybe she’s just practiced for so long on other men that she’s developed a sixth sense about it. 
John loved Sherlock— not just as a friend. And he’s probably just now realising that. She supposes that quite a few men dismiss those feelings of attraction. Jasper says, all men are gay, potentially. It’s just easier to stay in the closet.
There are various reasons for that, and she doesn’t want to speculate what John’s are, but she observes his grief, and knows regret is a large part of that. 
Sherlock will be back, someday. He wasn’t very clear about when. Six months, maybe a year. But she thinks he’s being optimistic; he wants to come home to John, not leave him to grieve for years. 
And by the time he does make it back, John will have found another woman. Blonde and pretty. Nothing like the dark beauties he used to date. But still, clever like Sherlock, a bit imperious and demanding. He will look at her the way Sherlock always looked at him, when he didn’t notice. 
She could tell him. There’s only her promise to stop her from doing that. Could John keep the secret? Sherlock told her not knowing will keep him alive, that knowing would put him in danger.
She’s not in danger. Nobody thinks she mattered that much to Sherlock. Her feigned grief is taken as real, but everybody knows she’ll get over it. Just a crush.
As for John Watson, this might just kill him. 
That’s a problem she could solve. 
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abbysbug · 10 hours
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streamer!ellie x streamer!abby HCs
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a/n: umm i got nothing to say, it just looks empty without anything here
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
• they literally act like they hate each other.
"who is this fatass taking up half my screen, bruh."
"shut the fuck up, williams. our characters are literally identical."
"nuh uh."
• the characters are identical, they're matching.
• their viewers love watching them banter.
@carpetmuncherwilliams abby ate my last taco. should i grief her house in minecraft or no
@therealabbyanderson replied If you grief my house, I'll fuck you up IRL.
@carpetmuncherwilliams replied she's legit abusive guys ;(((
• they normally play team games together. even though they're always yelling at each other, their teamwork is insanely good.
"hell fuckin' yeah, abby! that's literally my girlfriend, chat."
"ellie, we are not girlfriends, stop spreading lies."
ellie looks at her camera with a smirk and winks, "not yet we aren't."
• they're so cutiez in public. they're always holding at least one part of each others body.
• there's so many pics of them on the internet of them being all over each other.
• they're each other's wallpapers!!!
"abs, do you have diamonds you can give me. i need 3."
abby glances at her inventory filled with 15 diamonds, "no."
@freyaismyqueen she has 15 in her inventory
"abby, you bitch. give me all your diamonds, right now."
"fuck you- what is your name, lemme see..freya is my queen, fuck you."
"be nice, stupid head."
@freyaismyqueen she also has 3 stacks of diamonds in her chests
"freya, im gonna fuck you up, i swear."
“she doesn’t mean it.”
“yes, the fuck, i do. sleep with one eye open.”
• she’s a little aggressive sometimes
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monstersflashlight · 20 hours
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Hey, I was wondering g if you could make a sleeping in the dark part 2? If it's okay to ask could you possibly do a chubby!reader?
Crying in the middle of the night in the darkness but the minster comes out to think reader is crying because of the dark. Reassuring her that it's oka and the dark isn't scary but, reader then explains that she wasn't crying because of the dark. The monster gets all confused and asks why she was crying. Reader tells the monster that she was insecure abt her body, then further explains that's she's been being treated badly in her work/school environment by her peers because of her body/looks.
Thank you if you respond, I mean it could be a she part and not part 2 but again, thank you.
-🦝 anon.
Hi 🦝 anon! I’m sorry it took me so long to get to this. I really wanted to do justice to this request. As a chubby woman myself, I know perfectly well the struggles of being fat in a society that doesn’t like fat at all. I try not to make any comments about the body of the reader if it doesn’t play a part in the action bc I want ppl to imagine themselves there as they want. Even when the monsters use terms as “little human” think about it like the monster is so big you are tiny, doesn’t matter how big you are in real life. I love a good size difference, so there’s that. I hope you don’t think this means you need somebody to tell you you are pretty, beautiful or hot, because that’s not true, you are all that without anyone saying it. Believe me, as someone who likes boys, girls, and everything in between, fat bodies are hot like burning. But I do get the necessity to hear it sometimes, and this story is born because of it. That said, I hope this is as cathartic for you as it was for me, this short hit really close to the heart for me. <3
Part 1 if you haven't read it
Sleeping in the dark (part 2)
Night monster x chubby fem!reader || orgasm denial || tw: fatphobia
You were, once again, crying in your room, ugly sobs that made it hard to breathe and your heart beating faster. You felt his presence before he could make himself known. “Oh no, little human, I thought we went past the fear of the dark.” His tone was so soft you felt your heart skip a beat.
You sniffled against the pillow, “is not that.” You tried to tell him more, but another sob broke from your chest.
“What do you mean?” He seemed confused at your statement, like there weren’t any other reasons why you could be crying about. You guessed as a monster in your closet he probably didn’t know much about the horrors of the world. He lived in a bubble of darkness inside your room, after all.
“They- They called me fat,” you told him in between hiccups.
“Who did?” His tone sounded dangerous. You looked up from your pillow, trying to see something in the dark of your room. You could see his silhouette, but nothing else. You wished you could turn the light on, but you didn’t want him to go.
“Some random dude from the office. They called me fat. They thought I wasn’t listening but they called me fat and made fun of me. I thought I was past that, but there’s always someone that reminds me how ugly my body is.” He growled at that statement. You ignored it and kept talking, “they always tell you to love your body, but when it comes to being fat, they want you to hate yourself. And I try to fight it, I try every day, but sometimes is just too much.” You sobbed again, he touched your knee and you felt his arms closing around you two seconds later. “I just want to be pretty.” You cried against his chest, your voice muffled by his skin. He growled and you felt it against your teary face.
“Don’t say that. You are pretty, you are beautiful, you are the most beautiful human,” his voice was filled with desperation for you to believe him.
“You have to say that, you’ve only seen me,” you joked. The laugh you let out was swallowed by the sob that broke free right after.
“You are wrong.” He touched your skin, wiping away some tears with his thumb. “I’ve lived thousands of years, I’ve known many humans, some of them have known me. You are beautiful. You are perfect.”
“No, I’m not. But thanks for saying that.” He flipped you onto your back so fast you let out a scream. He tore your clothes apart and you felt him caressing every inch of your skin at the same time.
“Beautiful,” he told you. He touched every part of your body, caressing your skin like you were a work of art, whispering endearing words against your ear. He told you every single compliment you could think of, and then some more.
It felt wrong to feel like that, you felt like he was lying, but he couldn’t be. It felt like he was forcing you to acknowledge every single cell in your body. It felt like he was pushing the words in your soul, trying to imprint them there so you wouldn’t feel ugly never again. You cried, at every single word, a tear ran down your skin. He didn’t wipe them out, he let you cry as he caressed your skin. When he parted your legs and positioned himself there, you kept crying.
Your pussy was so wet, and your soul felt so raw.
He started slow, licking your wet lips, playing with his tongue all over, but where you wanted him the most. He never shut up, telling you how pretty you were, how wet, how wonderful for him, how perfect. You were rapidly approaching to an orgasm when he said: “Say nice things about yourself if you want to come.” You shook your head, grabbing his head and trying to push him to eat you out again. “Say it,” he ordered. His voice was hard and commanding.
“I- I can’t,” you cried out. There was no way. You didn’t feel it, it wasn’t true. You weren’t pretty. You weren’t beautiful. His words seemed like a lie, but his actions spoke volumes. One of his hands never stopped caressing your soft tummy, your wide hips. His other hand played with your pussy, thrusting in and out in a tortuous way.
“Say it!” He insisted, his tone angry as he pushed two fingers into you forcefully. You cried out, almost there, so close but so far.
“I- I’m pretty,” you whispered, tears rolling down your cheeks. He rewarded you sucking your clit into his mouth, the touch of fangs against your vulnerable flesh made you shudder.
“More,” he ordered.
“I’m beautiful.” Each word was rewarded by his fingers rubbing perfectly inside of you, a torture like any other, driving you insane with pleasure. “I’m hot.” Each word he forced out of you felt like he was taking a weight from your chest. You felt like you were going to float away.
“Yes. Yes, you are.” He kept playing with you, getting you close to the edge just to go away when you stopped talking. He forced you to be nice to yourself, to say all the things you didn’t believe you were. But he did, he believed. And for the moment, that might be enough. He thought you were beautiful, he thought you were hot. Maybe… maybe he was right. He never lied to you.
You were lost in your thoughts and the pain-pleasure he was giving you when he flicked his tongue over your clit as he hit your G-spot. “Come for me, pretty human. Show me how perfect you are.” And you did, falling apart around his tongue and his fingers. The attack on your senses crashing down onto you.
You had an out of body experience, the tears cool against your cheeks, your rapid breathing coming into short exhales as he played with your pussy to drive you further up. You came so hard you think you saw stars. You felt boneless, your body and your soul completely spent. You felt him cleaning you with a soft cloth, your eyes closing already.
“I will stay with you,” he murmured as you were falling asleep. You felt his arms closing around you, his hands caressing your body, from your wide hips to your soft tummy… He made you feel special, he made you feel beautiful.
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hellojuiceboxbaby · 3 days
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I saw a post by another user getting into the already prevalent shipping discourse about Crystal and Charles and how she’s “getting in the way” of paynland. Please read their post, they talk about how it’s a load of bullshit.
I want to talk about why Crystal and Charles work, the potential longevity of their relationship and how it doesn’t affect the paynland ship anyway. (And this is coming from a paynland shipper and someone who wanted Crystal to be crushing on Niko lol).
First of all, when I watched the show within 10 minutes (like most people did) I very much assumed that Charles and Edwin were gay for each other. I’d hoped in my heart it was going to be a potential plot line because it was so obvious the boys were in love with each other. Their already established dynamic made it easy to see that.
Then Crystal was introduced and shifted their partnership dynamic. She challenged Edwin in a way Charles never did, ultimately being one of the catalysts to his self discovery the led to paynland actually being a possibility (everyone say thank you Crystal). Edwin didn’t hate Crystal because she was stealing Charles away from him. There’s no doubt in his mind that even if Charles and Crystal were to stay together that Charles wouldn’t still love him and prioritize their relationship, and Charles reassures him of this constantly.
What Edwin is bothered by is having to deal with an inexperienced human, who has no idea why they do what they do, getting in the way of them solving cases that matter to them. Which is figured out pretty quickly when she proves herself to be an asset to the agency and they enter into a sibling like dynamic with wonderful banter I love to see.
What I enjoyed most about Crystal and Charles (if I’m completely honest) is their very out in the open flirting and the way she rejected his advances multiple times but he persisted anyway. Charles gives off a “will go for anything that breaths in his direction” vibes especially when he defends Crystal by saying it’s fun to have someone their own age around.
Also it’s so refreshing to see a black girl being paired with someone who isn’t white (I’m black lol). The bwwm ship dynamic is so overdone in media. In fact the woc x white man dynamic is so prevalent in media today that I just assumed they wouldn’t actually get together. I thought the show runners were just dangling forbidden fruit in my face lol. They do work as a couple because they give off mean bisexual gf with her golden retriever bf to me.
I’m just gonna say it as well because it’s worth thinking about before this fandom gets too crowded and opinionated, but why do you see a woc (especially a blk woman) being in a relationship with one of the mmc and immediately see them as ruining your favorite ship or as causing queer erasure? If we all watched the same show you’d know that Crystal didn’t get in the way of anything. And why don’t you feel that way about Monty of the Cat Kings pursuing Edwin?
Im not gonna dissect paynland as a ship because im so bad at understanding the nuances of male relationships lol as a bi woman. I can talk at lengths about the potential for Niko and Crystal if yous want me to though.
Anyway drink water lovely people <3
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staaapler · 16 hours
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AU where the Seven + Nico and Reyna get deified after the quest of Gaea. But instead of asking them “Hey, you wanna be a god?” they do it without any sort of consent cause the gods are bitches. Now, when they deified the demigods, they didn’t really think much of what they’d be the patrons of, so they just made them gods of the first thing they could think of.
Percy: God of the riptide and the Minotaur. Riptide because of his sword and connection to the ocean (likes it), the Minotaur because it was the first monster he slayed (doesn’t like it).
Annabeth: Goddess of books and exploration. When I say books, I don’t mean literature or writing, I literally mean the group of pages put together (likes it); exploration because of when she left her home when she was seven (hates it).
Piper: Goddess of mirrors and devotion. Mirrors because of her constantly looking in her dagger, despite it being mainly to see her friends (dislikes it); devotion because she’s the daughter of Aphrodite, goddess of love (doesn’t care about it)
Jason: God of concussions and lull. Concussions because of how much he hit his head and was knocked out (hates it), lull because of it meaning a temporary quite, like the calm before a storm (doesn’t like it).
Leo: God of dragons and exclusion. Dragons because of Festus (likes it), exclusion because of being the seventh wheel and being told he will never fit in (hates it).
Hazel: Goddess of horses and desertion. Horses because of her connection with Arion (likes it), desertion because she had to leave her old life behind after death (hates it).
Frank: God of iguanas and descendants. Iguanas because the gods thought it’d be funny after the Chinese handcuffs incident, descendants because of his long lineage.
Nico: God of grudges and cards. Grudges because they are his fatal flaw (doesn’t care), cards because of the game mythomagic containing cards (likes it).
Reyna: Goddess of dogs and siblings. Dogs because of Aurum and Argentum (likes it), siblings because of her being so big sister coded (doesn’t care).
While they (mostly Percy) hate dislike being divinized (?) without their consent, I just like the idea of the gods (-Zeus/Jupiter) being like “Our children r in danger way too much. Let’s give em a break” and then they accidentally traumatize them more.
God this shit is gonna have so many tags
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I think malleus mentions, maybe in his dorm vig, that he tried approaching other students when he couldn't find the meeting place but they scream and run away from him in terror. If this is how people have been reacting to him approaching them then it makes sense for him to stop trying at one point. also think the senators never allowed anyone to meet him. Remember melanoir blessing. She blessed him to be feared by humans. Perhaps that is also at play. I would like to hear your thoughts on this.
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One thing I take issue with is how inconsistently written the world’s reactions to Malleus are. On one hand, we're constantly told that people fear him and run away at the sight of him (which does happen with various mob students). On the other hand, we get dozens and dozens of instances of Malleus interacting with his classmates, staff, and the locals of Sage’s Island (Magicam Monsters) and other countries without issue. (Granted, the locals of other countries did not recognize him as Malleus due to how he was dressed, but the point still holds that Malleus can have normal interactions with people.) How he is received varies greatly across the main story, vignettes, and the events. You cannot have it both ways because it creates this cognitive dissonance about how we’re supposed to perceive his presence.
As for the senators, it is canon that Malleus was often kept inside the castle. However, that doesn’t mean he was entirely barred from interacting with people and that doesn’t mean Malleus never left. Clearly he still had tutors and servants around (although interacting with them would be different than interacting with peers), and surely he would have met his grandmother or foreign dignitaries as part of his training. He has also visited Silver and Lilia in their cottage which is far away from the capital city. Malleus has realistically had opportunities to engage with people, no matter how much the senators try to leash him.
Finally, on the subject of Meleanor’s blessing: firstly, there is no immediate indication that Melanor cast a spell of any kind. If you compare the scene where she utters the “blessing” (7-77) to when Lilia blesses Silver and changes his hair color (7-81), there is no sparkle effect to indicate magic. Meleanor asks Lilia to take care of her kid, hands her egg off to Lilia, summons thorns to drag him away, then vanishes away to fight, so the sparkle effect that proceeds is most likely to show her teleporting off to combat (which is finally when the sparkle effect comes in). Right before leaving, she says, “May the Night bless you/Night's Blessings (in EN)”, which is where I believe people got the “Meleanor blessed/cursed Malleus to be feared by humans” headcanon comes from. However, the phrase “May the Night bless you/Night's Blessings” is not a magic incantation as far as we know; it seems to be a saying among nocturnal fae to wish one another good luck. We see Lilia and others saying it in other parts of book 7. However, Lilia does utter “May the Night bless you/Night's blessings” prior to Silver’s hair color change, so I imagine this also plays a part in the fandom interpretation/headcanon that Meleanor blessed Malleus in a similar manner.
Even if it was a real blessing, it doesn’t work for me with how they’ve set up Malleus’s interactions with his peers. If the blessing/curse is supposedly making him feared by humans, how come there are several blatant exceptions who don’t fear him at all? This includes the light trio and arguably even characters like Leona or Rollo—because even feelings of hate or rivalry are still not fear. Additionally, Meleanor’s phrasing is that she’s sure that Malleus will be a good omen/“auspicious star” for the fae of Briar Country but a “fearsome, malevolent star” for humans. With the coming of book 7, Malleus is posing a real threat to both fae and humans alike. Furthermore, she directly follows up these lines by saying she entrusts her son to Lilia. She’s emphasizing the importance of Malleus to their country’s future before handing him away; it does not read like she’s blessing her child. This, combined with the very delayed sparkle effect in 7–77, leads me to believe that Meleanor’s words were not actually magically binding or a blessing, but rather a hope or a prayer about the kind of person Malleus would be someday: a leader that their country needs and someone who will strike fear into humans (who were enemies of the fae at the time). Until the canon says otherwise, this is how I interpret Meleanor's "blessing" for her son (ie it’s not a magical one).
I feel like none of these should completely dissuade Malleus from like... I don't know, going out of his way to locate a few open-minded people (again, like the light trio) and trying to make conversation with them? Maybe invite them over for tea? Taking little steps like that. I understand why he would be hesitant to try or adopt a defeatist attitude, but again Lilia is right there to help facilitate or to ask questions to. But he doesn’t really do that or seem to truly take what anyone says to heart; instead he gets moody, pouty, and sulks when he feels rejected because the situation is artificially set up for failure 💦
It sometimes feels like TWST wrote itself into a corner with Malleus’s presentation due to the nature of the original game format. His lore calls for him to be sinister and feared through all the land, but the devs are simultaneously compelled to write him in cute and silly social scenarios to show how likable he can be (so open up your wallet for him/j)… He’s supposedly always forgotten but you’d think that someone with a presence as fearsome as his would be remembered vividly or make a strong impression regardless of the contrived ways they try to keep him out of the picture… and that results in the clashing tones I notice now.
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gilbirda · 3 days
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Friendly neighborhood vigilante. Chapter 26
BatmanxDP crossover. JasonxJazz
[Read on AO3] [Read on FF.net]
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The rest of the visit at the Wayne Manor was more relaxed, or at least Jason thought so. He wouldn’t forget Jazz’s tense shoulders while they listened to Danny’s explanation of Jazz’s actual role in the Infinite Realms.
Was she tense because she hated being an executioner? Because she found that dreadful?
He wasn’t sure, and the doubt was capable of consuming him — did she really understand him, what he tried to do for Gotham, or was she projecting her own insecurities in him and wanted him to “reform” like she seemed to be doing with herself? Because it didn’t escape him how she went from such a violence-heavy role to completely focusing on reforming Gotham rogues.
If all Jazz could see in him was a pet project to “fix” in any way, he knew it would completely crush him. After all they’ve been through, there was still doubt that any of this was real. That what they had was real.
No. He had to try. To believe.
He still felt shaken after the rapidfire revelations one after the other — Jazz was the Crown Princess of another dimension, the Spirit of Gotham was Bruce’s mom, Jazz’s actual job was scarily close to his, and the personification of fear wanted to marry his girlfriend. He knew he would be thinking about all of this, and come back to every little detail, that night while he was supposed to sleep.
He just knew.
Especially because when he closed his eyes, he could see Danny’s haunted eyes when he pulled him aside to talk.
He expected a shovel talk, he expected vague threats from a caring brother, or maybe a rundown of what it means to consort a Princess.
He didn’t expect what actually happened.
“My sister… Please keep an eye on her. I wasn’t kidding when I said she takes the bad stuff and deals with it on her own,” he smirked, acknowledging that he knew the couple had been eavesdropping, “but what I didn’t say is how she disregards her own wellbeing.”
“I’ve noticed.”
He shook his head. “You don’t understand. Jazz self-destructs, she… It’s almost as if she punishes herself for wanting more. Maybe, I don’t know, maybe I’m reading too much into it; but she is always so quick to accept the worst and plans for it without thinking that things could just… Work out. It doesn’t help that things have been hard for us for so long – self fulfilled prophecy?” He chuckled. “I’m more aware of things than she gives me credit for.”
Jason kept his gaze straight ahead, watching the rest play in the backyard, a tiny green dog — Cujo — running around and imprinting on Damian almost immediately.
“She loves you.”
“I know.”
“She lied to me for you.” Danny looked at him funny. “I’m not saying it's your fault or anything. Just observing. She was ready to face the Justice League over a misunderstanding rather than telling the truth.”
Danny hummed, storing the new piece of information.
“She would make rivers of blood to protect you.”
Danny stayed quiet, so quiet that Jason assumed the conversation was over.
“She already has.” Danny’s voice was small. “One time, she was sent with an entourage as a political representative to an ambivalent community, to negotiate their alliance. Or find out if they would support Vlad. She came back a few weeks later, alone, and covered in blood. She only said that we didn’t need to worry about those people anymore.
Her wounds were fatal, and we don’t know how she not only survived but made the trip back. The funny part? I think that incident marks the beginning of her descent into the executioner role she finally took. It was almost as if— She was changed. I could see it. My worries were confirmed when I got word that the city she had visited had been burned to the ground. No one ever found any remains, of either faction. Just blood and rubble.”
“Darling?”
“Hmm?”
He looked down, finding the teal eyes of his girlfriend. It was the same face, the same eyes, the same worried expression.
A few weeks ago, she was the woman he was so scared to reveal himself to. Now, she was so much more. It felt silly to worry about what she would think about his other life, how she went from “just” being the girl he was interested in to whatever they were now.
He couldn’t see her in the same way. Not after learning what he knew now.
“Are you okay?” Her cold hand was on his cheek. When did she move? “You’ve been quiet.”
He kicked himself in his mind for worrying her. It’s just… After saying their goodbyes and getting on the road back to their apartment building, he started to let his mind wander and hadn’t come back to the present yet.
They were in front of her door, the fluorescent lights illuminating Jazz’s face looking up at him.
“Sorry.”
She bit her lip. “Don’t say sorry. No blood, no fault.”
“Har har,” he smirked, leaning down for a quick kiss. “Smart-ass.”
She giggled. All thoughts and doubts left him as he let himself bask in the moment.
He leaned in for a kiss, smiling when she got on the tip of her toes to meet him halfway, her arms sneaking around his neck to keep him there.
Her kiss was the same. Her smell was the same. Her touch, and the way his hands fit on her waist, was the same.
She was the same person, he reminded himself. Even if every answer he got only opened more questions, Jazz was still here with him, and she still wanted him.
The door opened behind Jazz, and Jason had to quickly grab the door frame to prevent the pair from falling to the ground.
“Time to sleep.” Danny was there, arms crossed, a small smirk on his face. He enjoyed his sister’s grumble and annoyance. The little shit.
“Yeah, yeah.” She sighed, turning to look at her boyfriend. “Talk to you tomorrow?”
She looked so uncertain and hopeful. Did she think he would run?
“Of course.” He gave her another quick kiss, smiling when she giggled.
He nodded at Danny as they parted. He nodded back, his smirk turning something more dangerous for a second, but back to a normal smile when Jazz passed by as she went inside the apartment.
Jason stayed an extra second, waiting to see what Danny had to say.
“Goodnight, Jason.”
He arched an eyebrow, expecting anything but that. He took it anyway. “Goodnight.”
With that, Danny almost slammed the door shut in his face. Jason scoffed and went back to his own apartment, still reeling from everything that happened.
He only turned on the kitchen light, got some coffee started — if he wasn’t going to sleep, why the hell not — and opened the fridge to see what leftovers he could quickly reheat for dinner.
With a warm cup and some food, he sat down on his shitty couch and turned on the TV to have background noise to think and organize his thoughts. It was some stupid procedural show, mainly focused on criminal psychology, something he knew Jazz would love.
He chuckled, sighed and put the half eaten leftovers on the coffee table.
He wasn’t that hungry anymore.
Why did he feel like this? It didn’t make sense — it wasn’t like it was the first time he was involved with people with superhuman abilities and a complicated past. Back when he was Robin, he had gone with Bruce to the Watchtower more than once and met enough members of the Justice League. And after his resurrection he had been involved with the Al Ghuls, who were irreversibly affected by the Lazarus Pits.
No. This was different.
Jazz was… She was supposed to be a civilian. The one normal thing in his life. He agonized over telling her about his other life, but deep down he wanted to have something that made him feel less like he was adrift in life, drowning, feeling like his only purpose had become vigilantism.
He wasn’t stupid. Jazz’s status as a meta was something he knew early on, and the way she had been hinting at some kind of hero's life was ironic, but he could handle it.
I couldn’t give you normal even if I tried.
She warned him. She told him she wasn’t sure that their relationship should happen at all. She told him she risked a lot to be involved with him, and that it wasn’t in her plans at all to love him.
He’s different. We clicked.
She told Danny that what they had was different, and he believed her.
Crown Princess of the Infinite Realms. Warrior. Executioner.
Jazz had no place playing human in Gotham, making friends, enduring shitty bosses, having a human boyfriend.
What he understood from what the siblings explained, her actual life was a fantasy story like the ones from his childhood books – with Kings and dragons and magic and insane stakes.
A tiny part of him resented her, he discovered.
Jason leaned forward and put his head between his hands, the stupid show on TV forgotten.
Why did she involve him in this? She knew the kind of burden she would put on anybody she dated, at least anybody she was interested enough to involve in her true life. How could she think she could just give him hopes and love him and then… then what? Did she plan on leaving without an explanation when her internship ended? Was she okay with breaking up, making up a shitty excuse to feed him hoping he eventually forgot about her?
She said she planned on telling him, but how much really? How much would she have told him if Bruce didn’t poke things he wasn’t supposed to?
He refused to feel grateful about what the old man did, he still treated Jazz poorly and jeopardized a lot of people’s existence in Gotham; but it was difficult to let go of the thought that if Barbara hadn’t looked, if Bruce hadn’t confronted her like he had been too much of a coward to do… That Jazz would have fed him half truths and lies by omission to protect Danny up until the day they parted ways.
His eyes felt a little damp. He blinked the moisture away and pressed the palm of his hands against his eyes until he saw stars.
No. This is ridiculous.
Jazz was very smart in many ways — she guessed everyone’s secret identities after all — but she could be so dumb about so many things too. He remembered their fight, how her voice changed when she admitted she didn’t know why or how she loved him. He thought about how she could remain oblivious to a guy crushing on her for years. He thought about Danny’s admission that Jazz tended to be too harsh on herself and set unnecessary hard limits.
He could believe that Jazz’s living in Gotham was a little experiment, a game of pretend that she was going to eventually end no matter who was hurt in the process, or…
Or he could believe that she was winging it so hard she contradicted herself all the time. That she was used to putting others above herself so much that she didn’t consider the possibility she didn’t have to end things. That there was no game, no further motives, no plan.
That the Princess of the Ghosts loved him, and she felt as lost as he did.
He breathed in, trying to calm down his racing thoughts.
It was useless to ponder and guess what her motives were, if she had them at all. They said they’d enjoy what they had while they still could, and going by what they learned that day, Danny gave the OK for them to be together — in a very strange and convoluted way, that is. And from what he overheard, Danny was this all powerful entity that made the rules.
A loud thud interrupted his thoughts, followed by his girlfriend’s voice screaming Danny’s name.
He smiled, picking up his food and considering finishing the rest of it. It was probably cold, so he decided not to. Instead, he picked up his coffee and the remote and decided to change channels, looking for something that didn’t require a lot of brainpower and maybe fall asleep to.
It didn’t help that everything either reminded him of Jazz, or thought it was something she’d enjoy.
***
Sunday was uneventful.
He decided to sleep in, pushing away the thought that sleeping alone never felt so cold before. He was being ridiculous. Everything about the situation was ridiculous.
He stayed in bed as long as his hungry stomach allowed him to, going over every conversation, every touch, every look. Trying to organize the new information and memorize every piece of detail, unsure of when exactly he’d have another opportunity to gather so much about the siblings’ secrets.
He allowed himself a few moments to burn the visual of Jazz wearing her armor in his memory. She looked comfortable in it, powerful, and very inhuman. Nobody brought it up at the moment, but she glowed when she wore it. It was subtle under the daylight, and next to the living light bulb that was Danny in his King form she didn’t stand out; but he had been distracted by the way everything about her had a bit of supernatural glow that separated her from the humans in the room.
It was different knowing all he knew and seeing it for himself.
Liminality. He wondered what else he still had to learn about her. What else he had to learn about himself, too. Going by how much information the Fentons gave him and after… After Jazz gave him pure ectoplasm, he was sure to expect some kind of change.
He hoped he found time to talk to Danny about the topic, and maybe coordinate a visit to these yetis they kept talking about.
The situation was ridiculous, but might as well embrace it. He had been The Chosen One for a secret sect of warriors oathbound to rid the world of an ancient evil — he could take whatever The Infinite Realms threw at him.
The rest of the day was relatively quiet, if you take into consideration the noises coming from his neighbor’s apartment — seriously, what were the walls made of? Paper? — and Jazz and Danny’s voices when they left in the afternoon for dinner. Jazz texted him a few times asking how he was and sending a few pictures of stray cats she saw while out with Danny. It was cute.
But he also had messages from his goons that they had some information about the Black Clovers gang. Finally.
He informed them that he would be around the base to discuss what they found. They better have something good, because he really needed to get these guys out of his turf. They threatened Jazz. Well, not her specifically, but they were looking for a redhead woman that helped Red Hood, with the vague description those guys Jazz fought a few months ago gave.
So long had changed since that fateful day. For starters, it was imperative he stopped these guys from going after his girlfriend.
And he couldn’t tell her.
Jazz was dead set on trying to be normal. She came to Gotham deadset (heh) on living a normal civilian life, and she got involved in this mess because of him. She didn't need to worry about something like this, especially since he was going to make sure the Black Clovers never had a chance to find her if he could help it.
He ate a quick dinner and got ready for tonight, geared up and jumped out of the window to the adjacent rooftop — he spared a glance at the place from where he had watched Jazz like a creep for a whole afternoon. What an idiot he had been, suspecting her like that. He shook his head.
He looked down at the street when he heard approaching voices, finding Jazz and Danny walking towards the apartment, probably coming back from their dinner.
Jazz looked happy as she listened to her brother talk, nodding along his story and a small smile curving her lips. This was a side he hadn’t seen yet — how she carried herself differently than when she was alone, how she kept one eye in every dark corner, every shadow. She was Danny’s protector, even if the other probably didn’t need such protection.
Both stopped walking once they reached the entrance of the building, but instead of getting inside, the siblings looked up – looked at him — at the same time with the same eerie eyes reflecting the street lights like a cat’s.
He chuckled, waving a hand at both. Danny rolled his eyes and Jazz waved back with a big smile, her cheeks slightly red. Cute.
With a slight nod, he turned back to continue his way to his base, and did his best to not look back and check she was still looking at him.
***
Jazz held her gaze on the rooftop, waiting to see if he turned back, but he never did.
She sighed.
“You are ridiculous.”
She rolled her eyes at her brother. “Oh, shut up.”
“This is worse to watch than the thing with Johnny.”
“Johnny happened so long ago, don’t be an idiot.” Danny opened his mouth to protest. “Eh, eh, eh. I was sixteen. You can’t judge me.”
“And you judged me for Paulina.”
She lifted her chin. “Deserved it~”
Danny scoffed, but didn’t add anything else.
The walk to the elevator was quiet. Jazz played with her keys, wondering where Jason was going, and if she could wait up and see if she could glimpse the vigilante passing by on his patrol route. Maybe she was being ridiculous, feeling this giddy about her boyfriend.
“Jazz.”
She looked at her brother, humming in question.
He looked back with serious eyes. “We need to talk.” She blinked, not really knowing what warranted this. “You have to tell me what happened with Batman.”
She froze, but tried to play it cool. She made time walking out of the elevator when they got to her floor, and continued towards her apartment without saying anything.
“Jazz. You know you have to.”
“There’s not a lot to say — he found some documents and I tried to fill in the blanks as best as I could.”
Danny grabbed her hand when she pulled out her keys to open the door. “Bullshit.” She wasn’t sure what kind of face she was making, but Danny’s expression softened. “I need to know, Jazz. As your brother and as the King.”
She closed her eyes and nodded.
He let her go and open the door, walking in after her. Neither bothered with the light switch, allowing the soft light of the full moon coming from the curtainless window to be enough for their conversation.
Jazz felt a sensation of déjà vu when she sat down on her couch and Danny pulled a chair to sit across the coffee table. It was another apartment, another situation; but she still had to give explanations about roughly the same things.
When would this nightmare end?
She licked her lips and got ready to talk.
“It started last week. Jason and I went on a date — our first official date —” she smiled when her brother made a face “and it was in the middle of a massive Arkham breakout.”
Danny nodded. “Unsurprising.”
“Yeah. So, he needed to go back to the fight and our date was interrupted. I waited up — no, shut up, let me finish — and he finally showed up. He was half dead and losing it and I really thought he was done for.”
“And you used your vials.”
“I did, and he got better.” She nodded. “But Batman wasn’t that far behind. He found us, and he found out I knew about them, and we… we kind of had a fight.”
“You fought Batman?” Danny was amused.
“No… Not really. I managed to kick him out without an actual fight, but he just,” she pulled her hair back, frustrated, “he couldn’t let things go. Apparently, he and Oracle — yeah, that Oracle —” she nodded “joined forces and researched us. All of it, Danny. I don’t know how the Ancients they managed to get some of that stuff, I’m positive Tucker had tight security.”
Danny’s back straightened. “He does. He was.” He narrowed his eyes. This was a huge breach of security. Both knew that measurements will be taken about this. “Tell me everything.”
She leaned forward, placing her arms on her knees, looking down and avoiding her brother’s eyes.
“Batman — Bruce waited for me, and found me at Arkham, when I would be alone, and ambushed me with two more of their colony accompanying him.”
Danny’s eyes were glowing bright green when she looked up. She swallowed. After such a nice weekend she had to relive all that happened earlier in the week, and she feared his reaction.
“Go on. And spare no detail.”
---
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mediumgayitalian · 2 days
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fic rec friday 16
hi!! welcome to fic rec friday. every week, i pick five fics i have bookmarked and rec them with a little review. check them out!
best friend, baby by @ghosttotheparty*
“You— You make me feel so… good,” he finishes lamely, his head void of any words that could describe it, because how can Will describe the peace he finds in Nico’s presence, or the way he feels like he can finally breathe whenever Nico looks into his eyes? “You’re my favourite person,” he breathes. “My best friend.”
hooooooo boy the intimacy tag was NOT joking. i was gagged. yall tell me all the time how high u value will angst and like....this one DEVASTATED me for him??? like do yall ever think about how the first dialogue we hear from will in nico's perspective is self-loathing. yall ever think about how nico has always known him hating himself. well this author did. "i know you hate yourself but just because you hate yourself doesnt mean everyone else does too" hey what if we FOUGHT. also im going back in to all my FRFs to star my FAVE FAVE FAVE fics bc this is one of them LET ME TELL YOU.
2. just a dumb game by @ghosttotheparty
Nico di Angelo is not a party person. But Will Solace is going to be there. So.
they are SO FUCKING GAY and SO FUCKING IN LOVE and SO FUCKING STUPID. god i love them so fucking bad like they are inherently down bad obsessed with each other and this is how they should be. this is the way of the world.
3. even in the silver light by @ghosttotheparty
Nico is back. Will is still smitten.
first of all. latino and nb will. thank you. second of all. i am (obviously) obsessed with this author bc they KILLLLLL w burning intimacy. like you have no idea they write them like there is a twice burning fire only alive within them it's CRAZZZYYY. i also fckn LOVE that this is like. okay so the author says its plotless and it is kind of 45k of plotless, yes, but idk theres something to be said of love as a plot?? of learning and loving each other as a storyline.
4. splash by @ghosttotheparty
Annabeth is reading her favourite book. Someone walks directly into her.
yeah okay i think this is another one author week. sue me. this fic made me GRIN okay. it was so fucking cute and sweet and soft and autistic annabeth my beloved!! my love and light!! they are so in love in every universe fr and i fckn LOVE them dude i am OBSESSED. when this author writes people together it's as if you can hear them click.
5. isnt she lovely by @ghosttotheparty
Their eyes always meet in the halls. Her eyes are grey and shiny, and they make Percy think of stormy skies and marble sculptures. (She could be a marble sculpture, in the entrance of a museum, surrounded by scholars and artists and mesmerised passersby. Fucking beautiful in a way that only art ever is.) - - - Percy has had a crush on Annabeth since eighth grade. (He doesn’t know she likes him too.)
percy hitting the ground when annabeth kisses him 😭😭 HES SO REAL. i just recced this fic on instagram and i am here reccing it again bc it is EXCELLENT. i rly rly love to see pjotv percabeth in fic like i DO. theyre so fucking cute. and i LOVE how this author writes autistic annabeth!! it is so important to me!!! and this one is so CUTE like percy had such a huge crush on him.....like not just he liked her he had a CRUSH on her. god. i am melting.
thank you for joining me this friday!! happy reading!!
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angelsknifeprty · 20 hours
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streamer!ellie hcs ⋆⭒˚。⋆
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this is more focused on ellie and less on ellie x reader but i am for sure gonna follow this up with something else more focused on the both of you >:3
warnings | mentions of weed, the smallest hint towards struggling with eating if you squint
word count: 698
do not buy tlou | ways to help palestine | operation olive branch
𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅
 ‧₊˚౨ৎ started off posting unlisted videos of her playing games with the stupidest, shittiest editing ever for you and her friends to watch and later decided to give streaming a try
‎ ‧₊˚౨ৎ starts off her twitch channel as a faceless streamer but does a face reveal when she hits a big milestone
‧₊˚౨ৎ has the creeper mini fridge for sure!!
‧₊˚౨ৎ has a ginger cat named garfield that she exclusively calls garfunkel on stream because her viewers made fun of her for garfield being too unoriginal
“guys, what do you mean it’s unoriginal, look at him. that’s literally garfield, the real deal. you’re all haters.”
‧₊˚౨ৎ plays a bunch of different games: minecraft obviously, fortnite, roblox (and argues with kids on there, you can’t tell me any different). also loves fnaf, elder scrolls and resident evil
‧₊˚౨ৎ more on her liking resident evil, i think she’s not super wimpy when it comes to games like that but she HATES the regenerators from the re4 remake (i’m totally not projecting…)
“i am NOT a wimp, but look at their freaky fucking arms!! and they have gross little butts too, that was not a necessary choice for the character design.”
‧₊˚౨ৎ she does find it funny when she kills them and they jiggle as they fall on the ground though
 ‧₊˚౨ৎ i’m throwing it in here that she smokes weed because i simply cannot help myself teehee :P
 ‧₊˚౨ৎ she does more chill streams of her eating n stuff as a way of comforting her viewers so they can eat along with her )):
 ‧₊˚౨ৎ and in turn chat always spams her with comments to drink water because that girl survives purely on energy drinks to combat her sleepy girl syndrome
 ‧₊˚౨ৎ abuses the soundboard so heavily, loves using a sound effect of an audience clapping and cheering when she tells the most painfully unfunny joke
 ‧₊˚౨ৎ she is ABSOLUTELY a jerma985 fan
 ‧₊˚౨ৎ loves putting her fans on blast and reacting to edits of her on stream and finds it so funny (especially the ones that have the reverb fart noise just randomly slapped in there, she thinks it’s peak humour)
“you guys think i don’t see this stuff? i have eyes everywhere. y’know what though, you guys are actually really talented.”
 ‧₊˚౨ৎ wears stupid t-shirts that say stuff like “i paused my game to be here” (omg i just found one that says “gamers make better lovers, they know all the right buttons” she would absolutely wear that)
 ‧₊˚౨ৎ she wears her silly t-shirts with pride and has the audacity to ask chat to rate how hard her fit goes
therealher0brine: BOOOOOO 🍅🍅🍅 0/10
elliebellie69: i beg that you don’t leave the house in that /lh  (╥﹏╥)
gnarpgnarp500: never beating the loser lesbian allegations i fear…
“guys you’re just not seeing the vision, sorry that you’re not this cool.”
 ‧₊˚౨ৎ oh my gosh she is OBSESSED with the little ikea alien, she has multiple of them in her room. she keeps one on her desk and when she sometimes doesn’t know what to say she’ll just hold it up super close to the camera and make incoherent high pitched babbling sounds
smelliams420: omg cancelled you can’t say that dude…
 ‧₊˚౨ৎ gets her viewers to send in clips and she’ll do high try not to laugh streams and fails miserably because she has the dumbest sense of humour ever. she’ll blame it entirely on the herb though as if her reaction wouldn’t be near enough the same when she’s sober
‧₊˚౨ৎ will occasionally play guitar on stream and she’ll sing too if you catch her in the right mood. she’s a bit awkward about it so it doesn’t happen often cuz she hates messing up and always makes a way bigger deal about it than necessary
“fuck- no wait, i was just messing with you. that fuck up was on purpose, shut up,” and her cheeks are flushed bright red as she tries to brush it off and compose herself before trying again
 ‧₊˚౨ৎ loves to get sidetracked and info dumps about stuff she is far too knowledgeable on
 ‧₊˚౨ৎ in conclusion, loser ellie supremacy
a/n: raghhh i love streamer els with my whole heart !!! i’m gonna eat her (˶˃⤙˂˶) anyways i hope you enjoyed, k bye mwah! >3< ♡
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bobbin-buckley · 3 days
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Cairo Sweet SFW
ALPHABET
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Cairo Sweet x Fem!Reader
Warnings: Fluff! Mentions of Smoking, Porn writing, Mr. Miller mentioned, sex mentioned
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A: Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)
Cairo can be pretty affectionate. She really likes to show how much of a tease she can be, or how flirty she is.
She’ll show you her affection by touching you teasingly. Like a thigh touch or kiss to the neck. She isn’t super affectionate with physical contact but with words for sure, I mean hell she writes poetry. She’ll even read poems to you to show her affection.
She’s a softie
B: Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)
You and Cairo used to be rivals. Hated each other, or so you thought. She used her other best friend (Winnie) and backstabbed her. But with all the flirting and seducing between you two, it got pretty much straight to being girlfriends.
Though you still are considered best friends because you actually now get along well.
C: Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)
She doesn’t mind them. I wouldn’t say it’s all the time but she’ll cuddle you when you really need it. She prefers to be big spoon, maybe if you’re lucky you can be big spoon. But it’s rare.
She loves to spoon you. Only because she then can tease you back there, like groping you-
D: Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)
Well, you both are in high school. But it’s Senior year so super close to College. She never thought about moving in together like in a dorm at campus or in an apartment. She’d probably like it but also hate it because she loves the atmosphere of her mansion.
She lives alone most of them time. So she cooks for herself most days, she probably has like a maid that does the cleaning. Cause I couldn’t see her doing that 💀
E: Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)
Well, the only reason you’d guy’s probably would break up is because she used you. Or maybe she just didn’t want you anymore without reason.
She’d probably just straight up say it to you. This girl is bold asf
F: Fiancé(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)
Cairo isn’t really that open at all. She rarely talks about her personal life and her parents. You only get details by how she lives and acts. For whatever reason she talks to Mr. Miller about personal things.
I mean you are about out of high school so not for a while. Maybe end of the first year of college or second year I could see her wanting to get married. Shes never mentioned it though.
G: Gentle (How gentle are they? Both physically and emotionally?)
Cairo is pretty gentle, she tries to be anyway. She may not be the best with physical contact when it comes to affection, but words are her thing.
See, physically she might just rub your arm or hold your hand when upset. If she truly cares she’ll hug you. Though emotionally she never means to hurt you on purpose. (We think anyway). Cairo might hurt you but on accident, she never EVER will hurt you physically. Emotionally just hurts her as much, her words are content, heartwarming and comforting. She just has a hard time understanding someone else’s feelings because she used to just care for her own.
Otherwise she cares about you and is gentle with you most of the time
H: Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)
She likes them more than cuddling. And you know how she is about physical contact, depends how she feels. So she’ll give them to you when she misses you, you’re upset or if you offer one. So a lot of the time. Now her hugs are actually really comforting, you’re just scared to ask her for one. They are very gentle, never squeezes you, rubs your back and maybe kisses your cheek or neck.
I: I love you (How fast do they say the L word?)
She wasn’t sure at first. She doubted for a while if you were even the one. But after awhile she realized how much she loved you and how hard she fell for you.
She said it first, surprisingly. Though did she doubt herself after she said it, worried you weren’t ready. And she says it back all the time, other than if she’s upset she doesn’t really wanna talk to you.
J: Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)
Oh lord, let’s not even get started. This girl hates being jealous anyway. Even if she isn’t super affectionate she still gets mad when someone else is making you the center of attention. She won’t really say anything, just watches and wait. If they don’t do anything she just stays quiet for a bit and is a bit distant
Otherwise if someone is touching you without your consent. Oh boy she’s gonna say something, may even sucker punch them. That’s pretty much what she does with both situations.
K: Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)
Her kisses her passionate yet deep. And again, all depends on her mood. If she’s feeling affectionate and needy her kisses are rough and sloppy, like spit, tongue and everything. She likes her kisses dirty, only when alone though. In public or around other people (not that she like pda that much) she’ll give you small pecks.
She likes to kiss you on the pulse on your neck. Really anywhere on your neck, but the pulse just hits different there. She sometimes grazes her teeth over it and nibble next to it.
She loves to be kissed on her shoulder, it’s just soft and she’s a little ticklish there oddly. Even her cheek she likes it. (She’s secretly ticklish)
L: Little Ones (How are they around children?)
She fucking hates kids. HATES toddlers, she could never babysit or be around one for too long. She’s the kind of person who laughs when they fall. Yeah…wow Cairo.
M: Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)
On non school nights she has you over to spend the night since she hates being alone. So you stay until the morning or stay all the next day and so on. But she’s a morning person, you aren’t (maybe). But if you aren’t she doesn’t wake you up, she honestly likes watching you sleep..not in a weird way. This is a time where she’s feeling cuddly, she might hold you and rub the bridge of your nose as you sleep, serve coffee in bed when you wake up.
If you are a early bird like her, she’s willing to make breakfast with you, go on a morning walk or even go out for breakfast
N: Night (How are nights spent with them?)
You are always over. You both are either gossiping, cuddling, she writing and you’re…doing whatever (I’d mess with her stuff) and even probably having sex. Just throwing that out there.
O: Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait awhile to reveal things slowly?)
She never really talks about herself. She’s so insecure. (relatable). So about a few months until she starts talking about personal or things that have affected her. She doesn’t really do it at all once, she’ll give you bits of info throughout dating. And you respect that, she’s just so upset and has all this anger. She spilled and broke-down in front of you about how she just wants to be loved, and you tell her she is. It’s you, Winnie. (Probably not her parents since it doesn’t seem like they even check on her)
P: Patience (How easily angered are they?)
Oh brother. The movie basically broke out how angry she is. If she doesn’t get what she wants or something doesn’t happen she gets pissed. This is something hard for you to deal with. She tends to be annoyed with you at times, but she doesn’t mean it. She’s just upset and heartbroken. Poor babygirl :(
(You may even let her fuck her anger out on you-)
Q: Quizzes (How much do they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)
She remembers a lot about. She needs to know who she’s dating. Wether if you’re foolish or not so she can look out for you. (Softie)
So she makes sure she knows everything. She’ll even make sure to ask you though if she forgets. But she cannot forget you’re favorite color, that’s important to her. You’ve never understood or found out why.
R: Remember (What’s their favorite moment in your relationship?)
The time you listened to her vent to you. It was hard, and heartbreaking but she managed to vent everything to you. She loves that you listened to her, respected everything she said even if some of it was wrong. She loves that you are their to listen for her.
S: Security (How protective are they? How would they like to protect you? How would they like to be protected?)
Very. I mean very. Her jealousy is a lot. If you are hurt emotionally or physically, that person won’t be alive. She scoffs whenever you call her a softie for how protective she is. She protects you by telling people to get lost or glare at them. She’s short but mighty, you’re terrified to call her that face to face. And she doesn’t need protection, she’s terrifying anyways. She has her ways of exposing or threatening. (It’s hot on how jealous and protective she gets)
T: Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)
She doesn’t buy a lot of things. But she doesn’t mind dates. She’ll take you out on picnics or walks, even an expensive dinner. Cairo never fails to make the best anniversary. Wanna guess what it is? Sex! You’ve got it! Basically it’s all the anniversary is, she never goes anywhere because she’s worried her parents might yell at her because she used their money. And yes, she makes sure to take care of you when she can. But since you’re still in high school you live at your own house and manage on your own.
U: Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)
She smokes way too much. You want to tell her to relax a bit on it, but scared she’ll yell at you. But she would understand if you did tell her. She might listen.
V: Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)
She isn’t. She’s too sexy and confident to be. Winnie has given her that confidence. And you tell her how gorgeous she is. She is both hot and smart indeed.
W: Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)
Maybe. She wouldn’t feel the same, she’d be depressed and unloved. But you do let her talk about herself and vent, so she’d miss that. For sure. She’d also miss you’re silly antics and laugh. Even your touch tbh.
X: Xtra (A random headcanon for them)
She often offers to smoke with you. It’s a bonding thing. She also lets you help her with her writing, you give her tips. She loves it whenever you press nose to nose, it’s like your little love language.
Y: Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)
How someone can be so unorganized. She hates unorganized people, if you are unorganized. She’s fixing that habit of yours.
She hates when her partner will be way too needy. She needs her own space at times
Z: Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)
She honestly doesn’t sleep well. She tends to stay up late and write, but with you there she sleeps better because you get her to rest (in two ways).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
:) I do have fun making these
😉if anyone wants me to do another Jenna character I will or Jenna herself
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evelinpost · 16 hours
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Difference between Lilith 1H and 10H?
First I want to say, I don’t really see a difference between them. Only the 10H has also the career image. But I’m gonna explain why the 10H is for me more visible then the 1H, and remember you don’t have to agree.
1H = inside Lilith
People with Lilith in the 10H, wear the inside of Lilith, like you are her as person. But it doesn’t mean that people will “see” you as Lilith, because your Lilith inside is secretive. Still your aura is the symbol of your inside, so people can feel Lilith in you. People can feel that sexual energy within you, and that makes them draw to you or imitated. Because you wear the inside of Lilith, so you are Lilith in skin it manifest in your physical appearance, you will have sharp features, especially the eyes will stand out.
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Lilith in 10H = Outside Lilith
These means that when you have Lilith in 10H people will see you as Lilith, this placement is more harsh then 1H. You know why? because people “see” Lilith in you and that really imitate them, this attract a lot of stalkers, psychos, men that wants to do you sexually, jealousy on your path. When people see you, the perceive you immediately as sex, the see sex in you, the definition of sex. Because you wear the outside of Lilith this attract a lot of jealousy girls that hate you for no reason, men that trying to touch you. This placement is more visible because it’s about the “Outside” the lens the world views you. And you will also have a Lilith like appearance, also the eyes stand out. Especially at career’s the will gossip a lot about you.
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calaisreno · 1 day
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His Move
1557 Words / Prompt: Manipulate
He shouldn’t have been surprised. Mary was an assassin, the business of her past never quite behind her. She’d run away once, and Sherlock had insisted they go after her. At that point, John was willing to let her go. They were never going to have the future he’d imagined when he bought her that ring. 
She was already dying when he arrived at the aquarium, and said the things you would expect a loving wife to say. You were my whole world. 
He felt a dull sense of relief, and hated himself for it. The problems of your future are my privilege. 
A future, cut short. And still, her problems would haunt him.
When Sherlock reached out his hand towards John, his eyes wide, John saw the horror-stricken expression on his face.. 
You were my whole world, he thought. 
Her body was lifted, put on a stretcher, and carried out. John followed.
Sherlock texts him: I’m so sorry. SH
John doesn’t reply.
Please talk to me, John. SH
He feeds Rosie, gives her a bath, puts her to bed. She fusses; she’s old enough to sense something is wrong. Now she has only her father to keep her world stable.
John, please. SH
He plans the funeral; there’s no one else. Mary has no family, only a few friends. It’s his responsibility. This keeps him busy, gives him space to work out what comes next.
Sherlock is actually sorry. This John doesn’t doubt. He’s not a sociopath, regardless of what he says.
John’s words at the aquarium were spoken in anger; he doesn’t blame Sherlock for Mary’s death. John is the one who brought her into their orbit. He can’t change that, but sometimes he thinks about what would have happened if Sherlock had returned six months sooner. Of course he would have been angry, and would have expressed how he felt about watching his best friend die, being abandoned for two years. Six months earlier, maybe he wouldn’t have paid attention to the new nurse, the one who kept flirting with him. 
He has no doubt that he would have come back to Baker Street if Sherlock wanted him. The compromise, as always, would have been on John’s part. Sherlock is never going to change. He will always treat John as a convenience, a habit that doesn’t require thought. 
Sherlock is rarely solicitous, never bestows compliments, only flatters someone if he’s being manipulative. The speech he gave at the wedding nearly knocked John over. Maybe Sherlock was only trying to do what was expected of him, but it was unexpectedly touching. 
Sitting there, hearing the two people who love you most, he’d had this thought: I would have waited for you, if I’d known. 
In his own way, Sherlock does love John. He also knows how to manipulate John, to get him to do what he wants. To keep John in the dark when he doesn’t trust him. 
Loving Sherlock has always meant giving something up. It means following him into danger. John isn’t sure he can afford that any longer, not with a child to care for. 
He has to be sure.
It doesn’t surprise John to see Sherlock at the funeral. Mrs Hudson sits with him, and Lestrade joins them. Molly slides into the pew, whispers something to Greg. It’s a protective entourage; they all know what John said.
Harry is home, watching Rosie. John sits alone, in the front row. 
Sherlock has texted him daily, and John hasn’t replied. That’s why Sherlock is here. He wants John to accept his apology, for everything to be as it was before he ruined it all by dying. Not that Sherlock understands it this way; he doesn’t think that dying ruined things. He’s convinced that he had to do it, that John would have died if he hadn’t. In his mind, there was no alternative. 
Maybe he’s right, but for two years, John carried the weight of grief. That’s just feelings, sentiment; Sherlock wan’t dead; he was saving John, saving the world, winning the game. He left John behind, let him grieve, because that was the only way to solve what happened at Barts that day. 
Sherlock will still leave John behind at crime scenes, run heedlessly into danger, and probably get wounded at some point. He will question John’s intelligence, talk to John when he’s miles away, text him impatiently while he’s treating patients. He will dismiss John’s concerns as frivolous, insist that sentiment makes him weak. He will break John’s heart again and again. That’s just the reality.
And John could break his heart, too. He has a temper, and letting go of anger is hard. Will that anger still be simmering in a year, two years? It’s hard for him to forgive; even in death, he hasn’t really forgiven Mary. 
Can he say he forgives Sherlock and really mean it?  
John prayed for a miracle, and hit the ghost when he returned. Sherlock didn’t hit back; he made a joke. He missed the point. 
But he pulled John out of a bonfire. His look of panic is something John won’t ever forget.  
He tricked John into forgiving him—but has also tried to be worthy of that forgiveness. 
He has expressed his love for John in front of a hundred people. 
These are not the acts of a heartless man.
Sherlock needs him. Maybe two years away was as hard for him as it was for John. 
Does John need him?
He imagines a life without Sherlock. He weighs it against a life without Mary. One is possible, one is past.
His wife was a master manipulator. He’s only beginning to realise the extent of that. He’d had doubts, but couldn’t put words to them until he was in Leinster Gardens, hearing her admit that she’d shot Sherlock, that she would do anything to keep John in the dark about who she really was. 
The woman he fell in love with saved him from despair.
The woman he’d married was a facade. 
He never forgave the woman who shot Sherlock. 
The woman he went back to gave him his daughter. 
So. Mary’s gone, and what he feels about that is a confusing mixture of guilt and sorrow—and relief. At some point, he loved her. Or the idea of her. He chose her. 
She made choices as well. She chose death, rather than allowing Sherlock to take that bullet. When John came back to her, she understood that he would never completely forgive her, that he was doing it for Rosie. She’d chosen to save Sherlock, to die rather than live with John’s grief over losing him a second time.
Sherlock didn’t kill her. She chose to die.
But when he stood at her grave, he didn’t ask her not to be dead.
What he wishes now is that they’d never met, that he could rewind time and make a different choice. That she was still alive, a stranger living somewhere else. 
But then he wouldn’t have Rosie. He loves his daughter completely, protectively, without rhyme or reason. He wants the best life for her, the carefree childhood he never had. And he imagines her growing up without a mother—with a father who has chosen to be alone. 
He pictures her, a child with pigtails and a stubborn streak. A teenager able to go toe-to-toe with her father and still see reason, take a small step back when she’s wrong. A young woman with curly blond hair and a teasing smile. She leaves for uni, and he’s alone again. He grows old, and remembers.
Does he need Sherlock? 
Absolutely, desperately. Like air. 
Can he trust Sherlock? 
Probably not. And he won’t change him.
He misses Sherlock. Whatever they have been to one another, his heart wants him. 
Is it worth the risk?
He’s standing in the church reception hall, drinking a cup of terrible coffee. Sherlock is across the room, looking at him. His expression is sorrowful, not the fake sorrow he can put on during a case, pretending he cares. His hands are stuffed in his coat pockets and he’s slouching against the wall, watching John.
Coworkers from the surgery express their condolences. Mrs Hudson hugs him tearfully. Lestrade tells him they need to get together over a pint. He accepts their sympathy, makes small talk because that’s what people do. All the while, he feels Sherlock’s eyes like a magnet, pulling on him. 
As the hall begins to empty out, he can resist the pull no longer. Sherlock looks up, surprised, as John walks towards him. His pale eyes fill with tears. 
John has given up so much already. He doesn’t blame anyone but himself. Maybe he’ll never fully trust Sherlock, but he’s already forgiven him. 
Setting aside all his objections, laying down his anger and his regret, he surrenders.
When he pulls Sherlock into the hug he’s always wanted, this time Sherlock hugs back. John makes deductions. He can smell a cigarette, maybe two (nervous). He feels his ribs, still too prominent (unhappy). He’s trembling with the emotion he hates (love). The world may have lost a fine actor when Sherlock Holmes became a consulting detective, but this is not acting.
“Please come home,” Sherlock whispers.
John smiles into his shoulder, his own tears beginning. “Oh God, yes.”
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