#and now whatever the fuck this is which appears to be a complication from the antibiotics from the uti?

[nezzling]

I promise I'll go back to being funny and hot soon, my ass ain't the only thing that's sick af

#chronic illness and fatigue can bite my asssssss and they often do lol #tbf my immune system went all out of wack after two rounds of covid a stomach ulcer and a hysterectomy #and now whatever the fuck this is which appears to be a complication from the antibiotics from the uti? #that or its just completely coincidental he said lol mystery illness woo #i have a couple of days off work so ill just sleep and try eat good food and also take my medsssss cause she keeps forgetting #when i cant eat i dont wanna take the adhd meds purely bc i get nausea and throw up on an empty tummy #ironically the meds make me not want to eat bc its an appetite suppressant #lil rambles

[archiveluna]

being in a weird situationship with farleigh... <3 inspired by the song boyfriend by ariana grande ft. social house

WARNINGS ✧ none i think? ooc farleigh maybe, situationship? my bad writing… it’s been 7 years. written on my iphone at 1am while sleep deprived </3 sorry in advance! i also suck at writing endings ◡̈

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ︶︶︶⠀⠀୨୧⠀⠀︶︶︶

‘you ain’t my boyfriend and i ain’t your girlfriend but you don’t want me to see nobody else and i don’t want you to see nobody’

you could feel him glaring at you from all the way across the room but made no move to look his way. if he could go around hooking up with random people, then you had the right to do as you please also.

wether he’d like to admit it or not, farleigh was a jealous man, especially when it came to you and there was only so much he could take before storming your way, his long legs reaching you in record time and dragging you away from the confused boy who you’d been previously talking to.

‘even though you ain’t mine, i promise the way we fight make me feel like we just in love’

“what do you think you’re doing?”

you couldn’t hold back the laugh that escaped your mouth. was he being serious? the only thing holding you back from causing a scene being the people around you guys and the not so subtle eyes of his cousin and friends watching everything unfold. god.. you knew coming to this party was a bad idea. “not sure what you mean.” you shrugged.

he nodded his head in a mocking way, pursing his lips. “hm, right. so this isn’t you getting back at me for the other day, is it? because i told you-“

“getting back at you?” you cut him off shaking your head in disbelief. “get over yourself farleigh. am i not allowed to talk to other people? not everything’s about you, you know.” except this totally was about him. you almost groaned when you saw the smirk forming on his lips. that bastard. he knew, of course he did.

‘i know we be so complicated lovin you sometimes drive me crazy cause i can’t have what i want and neither can you’

you refused to meet his eyes when he called out your name, arms crossed looking at the people dancing around you. farleigh chuckled, taking a step closer. you took one back in return. “if i didn’t know any better, i’d say you were jealous.” his tone was teasing, and you didn’t have to look at him to know he still had that infuriatingly attractive smirk on his face. i am. “of what? you’re not my boyfriend, you can do whatever you want.” you looked up at him, doing your best to appear nonchalant. farleigh laughed, throwing his head back like you had said the funniest joke he’s ever heard, which only served to agitate you more.

his eyes were practically sparkling when he looked down at you, his hands reaching to cup your face despite your failed attempts to push him away. “i didn’t fuck her. if that’s what you’re pissed about, all we did was make out...” he trailed off unsure if he should say what he was thinking. the way he was looking at you made your cheeks warm up, but you refused to speak. you wanted him to say it. you knew what he wanted to say, and as stupid as it sounded, you refused to be the first one to break. “i haven’t slept with anyone for months now actually.” his hands now resting on your hips squeezed them lightly.

farleigh admitting that shouldn’t of felt as good as it did, but it was as if you could feel a weight lifting off your shoulders. you hoped for a different kind of confession, but this was also nice to know. although you weren’t all that happy that he was still going around shoving his tongue down other peoples throats you couldn’t exactly complain either. he wasn’t your boyfriend. you had to remind yourself of that.

‘but you ain’t my boyfriend and i ain’t your girlfriend but you don’t want me to touch nobody else baby, we ain’t gotta tell nobody’

“like i said, farleigh, you’re free to do whatever you want. nothing is stopping you.” farleigh let out a mixture of what sounded like a groan and laugh, pulling you closer to him without you attempting to push him away this time around. “you” he paused to pinch your cheek softly. “are so fucking stubborn, did you know that?”

you couldn’t hold back the giggle that escaped your lips as you looked up at him, finally giving in to his touch. you had only been ignoring him for a few days, but it felt like a lifetime to you and even if he wouldn’t say it, you knew he felt the same way if the way he was gripping your hips was anything to go by.

“were you really going to fuck that loser to get back at me?” farleigh suddenly asked, looking over to where the guy whose name you’d already forgotten now sat talking with a different girl, his face in that permanent scowl he seemed to have when he wasn’t around you or his friends. “i tuned him out the moment he opened his mouth to be honest.” you could feel your cheeks heating up once again as he laughed at your honesty. “yeah, i figured once you wouldn’t stop eye fucking me from across the room.”

“shut up!” you groaned, swatting his chest. “you’re the one who has a staring problem, you creep. seriously, you’re worse than that fucking ollie kid.” farleigh huffed, somewhat offended that you would compare him to oliver but said nothing else as he pulled you towards the table where felix and the rest of his posse sat, all of them immediately pretending like they hadn’t been watching when you both approached except for felix, who gave farleigh a not so subtle smirk when he pulled you to sit on his lap.

‘if you were my boyfriend and you were my girlfriend i probably wouldn’t see nobody else’

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ︶︶︶⠀⠀୨୧⠀⠀︶︶︶

i suck at endings can u tell ꃋᴖꃋ i know i said i wasn’t gonna write and i probably won’t for a while but i had to get this idea out of my head! i ♥︎ farleigh start. also sorry for any errors! i’m nervous just posting this, bye

#farleigh start x reader #farleigh x reader #farleigh x fem!reader #farleigh start x fem!reader #saltburn x reader #farleigh start #saltburn #archie madekwe

[icanseethefuture333]

Glamour Witch 🕯

A guide to confidence, beauty, & self love 🪞🩰🦢🍒💌

How I made glamour magick efficient for me and why working with the goddess Aphrodite shifted my self concept + help me connect to the divine feminine 🕊

First let's do a back story on my relationship with my matron 🌸:

My spiritual awakening happened when I was 17 years old after experiencing the loss of a loved one and coping with past trauma. I went into my adolescence with fear, agony, and poor self esteem. I was very much so a tomboy as a teenager (to this day I still have masculine qualities that I am now proud of and balanced it with my feminine side) but I was so out of touch with what being a "girl" was. I felt really self conscious about not being "woman" enough and had a complicated view on my gender (since I realized I was nonbinary at 14). I became interested in the occult since I grew up in a spiritual household (crystals, manifestation, etc) but never really got to engage with things like tarot or witchcraft because it was considered taboo. I had a reading done one day and I was told that Aphrodite wanted to work with me as my deity. My teenage self was confused by this because I thought - "The goddess of beauty and love wanted to work with me? Well that can't be right." I was expecting something more dark or cool like Hades or Hermes or whatever because that was just my personal style since I dressed very alternatively. I was nervous, but also intrigued. As I begun to pray to her and started doing spellwork - I felt safe, I felt loved, it was like a mother watching over me. I started learning how to do makeup for my ethnic features and became more educated about fashion and what it means to really be a true feminist. I learned to say fuck the binary system and made my own definition of not what just being a "woman" is but also what being "feminine" meant to me, period. You can be whatever you want to be and be beautiful regardless of what your appearance is like. Some days I want to wear snapbacks and sneakers, other times I wanna wear high heels with a flattering dress. I do what makes me feel comfortable and that's nobody's business but mine. Society made us believe that being sensitive, caring, or intuitive - the traits of the divine feminine (which we have in us all) as bad when it's not. There's strength in being soft and delicate. Be gentle towards yourself, my loves.

Embrace your shadow self to manifest your dream life ✨️:

You know what people will never tell you or admit to you on social media? Is that you can be self conscious and still be confident at the same time. Confidence is just being comfortable with yourself and knowing despite what you've been through or are feeling in the moment, it should not hold you back from achieving your fullest potential. Like Megan Thee Stallion said "Bad bitches have bad days too" And it's true! I have my good days and then I have my bad days, but even when I'm doubting or losing my faith, I always get back up by keep going. Why? It's because if I stop then I'm not living. I'm not being grateful for the life I still have while there are people out there battling severe illnesses and don't have much time left. Nobody wants to be candid and only want to portray themselves as perfect, when nobody is. It's a damaging narrative to think you have to be popping on social media and always staying positive. I don't know why being vulnerable is such a stigma these days. Everyone is scared of being hurt, sure, but there is so much power in knowing what you makes you happy and being able to voice what your wants/needs are. You get to live for yourself and not what others want you to be. Not to mention the importance of having the power and ability to set the boundaries your inner child probably never got to have?! I'm so tired of people spreading the belief of that you shouldn't talk about mental health, trauma, or personal fears because it makes you seem "weak" or "easy prey". That is the same tactics abusers use to make their victims stay hushed and makes them not able to stand up for themselves. That way of thinking is victim blaming! If you as a person, feel brave enough to discuss what the fuck is going on in your mind that does not make you a weakling, that makes you strong as hell. They are the weak ones for taking advantage of people who were already suffering. It's time to forgive yourself for your past mistakes and acknowledge what happened, but do not let it control you. You don't have to let go or get over it, it's okay if it's still a wound for you but you can choose to make it better by creating a better future by working with your higher self. Think about who you want to be, how you want to appear, what career you aspire to have, etc. Either write it down, visualize, or make a vision board. Release the old version of you and thank them for helping you survive.

I have been reading the book Mirror Work by Louise Hay and it entails about how the negative things people said or the difficult experiences we had dealt with in our lifetime gets stored in our subconscious mind. When we make jokes that are self depreciating or engage in self degrading behavior, it harms us even more, preventing us from maturing or loving ourselves. Doing shadow work is uncomfortable for everyone but it is a must to process the patterns in your life and learn as to why you become the person you are today. Being aware of your triggers and what makes you tick. Can make you more emotionally intelligent and be able to have a healthier conversation as well as creating lasting positive connections.

Books I recommend for subconscious reprogramming, shadow work, & healing from trauma:

Mirror Work by Louise Hay

"The Courage to" book series by Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga

Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

The Self Confidence Workbook by Barbara Markway & Celia Ampel

Psychology of The Unconscious by Dr. Carl Jung

It Didn't Start With You by Mark Wolynn

You can also find shadow work prompts on pinterest.

Don't just say it, do it! 11 ways to actually practice self care:

Making a goal and actually putting the effort in can be tough for some individuals, especially for those diagnosed with depression. That's why it's important to be patient with yourself and understand that healing is a journey, not a race! A youtuber I have been enjoying and watching lately is the critically acclaimed, thewizardliz: An Iranian woman who gives advice on confidence, discipline, and more! A video that I watched of hers recently was called and bluntly titled: "How to stop being lazy & pathetic". In most of liz's videos she is someone who is tough but is also tender. She explains that when we are procrastinating it's because we are thinking of just the end goal, which scares us and makes us overthink about what to do or how to do it. When really, we can just take small, simple steps at a time to reach towards what we wish yo accomplish, so that way it will feel less intimidating. If you have a essay that's due for example, try to write a few sentences each day, or think about how good it would feel if you were to get a good grade on your paper. Think of it this way - Would you rather slack and be upset you failed? Or would you rather prevent that from happening so you can be proud of what you achieved? Figure out what motivates you as a person and write it down so you can always be reminded of the confident being you wish to become.

Journaling: This is such a crucial hobby that I believe everyone should have. Writing down your thoughts or feelings helps not only increases your intelligence and brain health, but it also helps navigate your feelings better when you are facing a problem. You are able to reflect inward and discover the different parts of your psyche that you never knew you had.

Art: Divine feminine energy embodies the source of creation and life. The same way people with wombs give birth to children, an artist's project can be their beautiful baby. Find what type of art form brings you peace and allows you to express yourself (poetry, songwriting, dancing, painting, woodcarving, etc).

Exercise: I know this is something that some people struggle with (me included 💀) and when people hear that it's like "Ugh, I don't wanna work out! It's too hard!" but just hear me out okay? We have to exercise so our internal organs can stay healthy. When we don't take care of ourselves by not at least taking 15 minutes out of our day by owalking, exercising, or cardio, when there is 24 hours in a day... That is a major neglect to yourself. Just remember that it is a privilege that you still have the ability to move, jump, lift, run, squat, and even more. When there are people who suffer from chronic pain and disabilities that are still making sure to take care of their physical health because they have no other choice. When you think about how you're too "lazy" and you can't do it because of your "laziness", think of those people! Cherish the health that you have before it's too late. You can start by stretching, going for walks, or watching workout videos for beginners on YouTube.

Build a schedule: Having a routine is so important because it helps reduce stress and organizes the task that we have to do throughout our day. Make a sleep schedule for yourself as well. Going to bed late until 3 am in the morning or waking up too early is unsafe and makes you less alert when you are out in the world. So please be careful! Try to at least get 6 hours of sleep a day. Drinking tea, taking a warm bath, or using essential oils can help you fall asleep if you don't like using melatonin.

Cleanliness & Hygiene: It's unfortunate that I have to say this but some people were not taught by their parents on how to be clean. Or how cishet men feel that being hygienic is "gay". That's absurd! Everyone should have a clean house, clean body, and a good hygiene routine. There is no excuse for that. Even when I was depressed I still would get up to brush my teeth or wash my hair because I knew that if I were to ever go too long without taking care of my hygiene I'd have to deal with damaging my teeth, hair, or skin. Everything has a cause and effect when you neglect doing self care and that could also be apart of the reason why you feel so down about your looks is due to that lack of poor hygiene. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant or you need to do a 10 step skincare routine all the time. You can buy beauty products for cheap at off price retail stores and combs, toothbrushes, etc, at the dollar store. All you gotta do is wash your face and shower daily (scrub in between your ass cheeks, please and thank you 💀), brush your teeth at least 3 or more times a day, moisturize with lotions, use a sunscreen (cus nobody got time for skin cancer), apply deodorant, and that's literally it. You can use toners, serums, and skin treatments if you feel like iy but it's not neccessary unless you have specific concerns (acne, wrinkles, etc).

Personal finance 💵: As a Capricorn ♑️, there is nothing more important to me than having my own money. Knowing how to budget and being responsible with your funds is so crucial. You can manifest prosperity and be wealthy, but if you don't know what to do with a million dollars, how could you ever receive it? It is so attractive when someone is wise with their money. I took elective classes in high school for commercial art, marketing, and personal finance so that way I could learn to how to be independent as an adult and not have to "hustle" or live the struggle life. Always take care of your household bills (utilities, repairs, gas for the car, etc.) first and then leave a certain amount for yourself for when you want to have fun, go shopping, etc. Learn about how to make an investment, as well as stocks, because that is another way that you can make a lot of money (and no I don't mean Crypto or NFTs 😭)

Education is key 📚: READ HEAUXS REEEEAD 👓 Make those sapiosexuals quiver with your big sexy brain 🧠. I just feel like in general we need to be knowledgeable about our history and *Jaden Smith voice* the political state of the world right now. Being dismissive and ignorant is a major turn off. You have to be able to know how to communicate in certain settings or talk about certain subjects, or else you're gonna just look and sound dumb. I don't care if you like to read about insects or flowers, just find a topic that interests you.

Boundaries: A simple way to start implementing self care into your daily routine is by being able to say "Yes." Or "No." I know for women it is hard to assert themselves and say no especially when there is a grimy ass man tryna flirt with you (ayoooo shawty 🤓), but for your own protection you gotta do it. When people know you are not stern and you are not able to defend yourself, they take advantage of that. It makes you an easy target. Let's say for a example, you have a overbearing parent that constantly drains and takes from your energy. This parent doesn't respect you and makes you feel bad about yourself because you let them. When they ask you for something, you can just say; "Thank you but I will not be doing that. It would be an inconvenience for me right now because I have to focus on ___" or "I would prefer not to do that because I have to do ___ this week and it's very important". Even if it's not anything actually important, still say no. Another example is if you have a friend that's toxic and is not elevating you in any type of way (mentally, emotionally, or finacially). Then tell them that and cut them off. You are not obligated to stay around anyone who brings you down. Here is a list of ways to set boundaries professionally. Also learn to stop over apologizing here is what you can do instead. Margot Robbie learned to say "Thank you" instead of saying "sorry" because of Barbie.

Meditation 🧘🏽‍♀️: A useful skill in embracing your thoughts, whether they are positive or negative, to help in finding your inner zen. Meditation was something that was tricky for me at first. Most people say to "empty your mind and be still" when meditating and for someone with ADHD, I was like... "Umm, this is boring 💀???" but overtime I tried it a few times again and have grown to appreciate it! I learned that meditation was actually quite helpful for me, especially when I felt burdened with too many tasks, or was dealing racing thoughts. It just really helped me calm down, especially when I was feeling overwhelmed (for people who experience sensory overloads I highly recommend!). I no longer feel ashamed or fearful of when a intrusive thought crosses my mind. I just simply let that thought pass through and go on about my day. The average young adult has over 6,000 thoughts a day, so why would I give something so meaningless power? I am in control of myself and what I react to. For this, it will allow you to do the same.

Spend time with a loved one: I'm sure we all have someone who we consider our comfort person or a special pet that makes us feel calm. Humans are animals, sometimes we need that social interaction to stay sane during troubling times. Make a phone call, text, or plan to meet up with a friend or family member this week. Maybe even step out of your comfort zone and ask an acquaintance out for lunch.

Be brave: Remember what I said about stepping out of your comfort zone? That's right. It's time to stop living life of regrets and live a life of excitement. I want you to think about something you've been really wanting to do lately but haven't pursued it yet because of fear, doubt, or limiting beliefs. Take a deep breath and release it to the universe, your spirit guides, or any deity that you worship. Maybe there is a person you have a crush that you have been wanting to ask out lately or have been wanting to dye your hair a new color but were afraid of how it would turn out. Whatever it is, just have courage to go after what you want for once. For being brave is just about taking a leap of faith, even when you are scared.

How to awaken your inner goddess ✨️:

Loving yourself shouldn't be a chore, it should be a ritual baby 😌! Now for my beginner witches or practioners in closed practices. I know it can be intimidating to start doing deity work. That's why you have to take things slow and go at your own pace. I always recommend starting with doing a cleansing (burning incense, spraying florida water, etc) or a protection spell before doing any other kind of magick. Even though yes, I do worship Aphrodite, it is not neccessary for people to only go to her for a "glow up". There are sooooo many deities who are also gods or goddesses of love, beauty, etc. Naturally, a deity will show you signs that they wish to work with you, so makw sure to be on the look out for that!

Also if you are a woman of color like mwuahhh 😘 then here are a list of deities that also represent love, confidence, beauty, fertility, & creativity in African, Asian, Indigenous, & Pacific Islander religions:

Oshun (closed practice / Yoruba)

Yenaya (closed practice / Yoruba)

Hathor

Bastet

Isis

Astarte

Rati (Hinduism)

Lakshimi (Hinduism)

弁才天 / Benzaiten (Japanese Buddhism)

자청비 / Jacheongbi

仰阿莎 / Yang Asha

Liễu Hạnh

Mayari

Laka

Xochiquetzal

Estsanatlehi

Other deities are:

Apollo, Cupid, Eros, Priapus, Min, Brigid, & Dionyus

There is also ascended masters, saints, archangels, ancestors, & spirit guides that you can connect with. I recommend building a relationship with your ancestors first.

How to talk your deity:

Create an altar for them or a sacred space.

Cleanse the area to avoid interacting with trickster spirits.

Place offerings on the table (make sure to look up what offerings they like!).

Light a candle or burn incense for them.

Write them a letter or pray. You can ask them for help with your specific needs or just talk to them about your day or how you are currently feeling.

BE CONSISTENT! Deities are not one of your little friends, they are gods/goddesses. Show them respect by praying, including them in spellwork, and giving them offerings frequently (they are understanding if you cannot give them food or drinks all the time though if you cannot afford it).

The final boss, The Enchantress 🔮❄️:

"SHADOW MONEY WIZARD GANGGG! We love casting spells 😈"

Alright, alright. I know you guys were reading all this thinking "Bitch where tf is the tutorial??? 😭" BUT WHAT I HAD TO SAY WAS IMPORTANT SO YOU CAN HAVE LONG TERM RESULTS 💀! Here is the moment you've all been waiting forrr 🤭!

101 on Glamour Magick:

The days of the week are connected to the planets.

Friday is a good day for casting love and beauty spells since it's ruler is Venus. While on Monday you can cast spells for healing & enhancing psychic powers, since it's ruler is the Moon. Thursday's ruler is Jupiter so you can cast spells for money and prosperity.

Buy a mirror that is for your special use only (If someone ends up accidently using it it's okay nothing bad will happen to them). Spray it with a window cleaner and wipe it down counter clockwise, say what your intention is for the mirror as you clean it. You can buy any kind of mirror you like (compact mirror, hand held mirror, desktop mirror, etc).

You can use your mirror for scrying or seeing into the future (divination).

When doing your mirror work, look into your eyes, and affirm to yourself. It can be anything you wish to say. Just let it flow naturally. It might feel uncomfortable at first but as you continue to practice it you will feel more confident about it.

Include your deity while affirming. (When I do this, I show appreciation to Aphrodite, and thank her for blessing me with such beauty and grace. Even when in the moment I don't have the results I wish to see, I know it is going to happen because I have faith in her.)

Ask your ancestors what their beauty rituals and regimes were. Doing routines that your ancestors did will create a closer bond with them and also build confidence in your ethnic features.

Items that are represented as love: roses, cinnamon, honey, sugar, vanilla, coriander, basil, chamomile, carnations, tulips, lockets, keys, & hearts

Items that are represented as beauty: cowrie shells, orchids, peony, ribbons, veils, & bows

Items that help enhance intuition: seashells, conch shells, rosemary, lotuses, & feathers

Chinese guashas & jade rollers help reduce stress, tension, and puffiness in your facial muscles. It can also help sculpt your face.

African waistbeads were worn by women under their clothes to help slim their waist and also attract love. Depending on the crystals used, it would also help manifest abundance.

Some beauty crystals used for love, beauty, & intuition are: Rose quartz, jade, pink tourmaline, moonstone, amethyst, selenite, garnet, carnelian, and turquoise.

You can carve sigils or symbols onto your candle, an easy one to use is the venus symbol ♀️.

A list of meanings for the scents of the candle, wax, or deodorizer in your home. Here is the list for incense.

Candles are great to seal your spell jars or use on their own for magick.

A list of different burning sticks you can use (smudging, white sage, and Palo Santo is a closed practice)

The scent of your perfume can be used for seduction or attracting love/popularity.

Soap, shampoo, or conditioner can be used to cleanse your energy.

Ingredients in foods, cleaning, haircare, skincare, or beauty products can have magical properties that you can attract towards you or your home. (I.E: Lavendar for peace & tranquility, Lemon for warding off negative energy, & Vanilla for love)

"The hair theory" trend is a form of glamour magick. Doing your hair differently can create a new persona and change how people perceive you.

Depending on your hair color it can represent the elements.

Your hair texture can symbolize what power you have: Coily hair grows upward and rises towards the sun. When using their awareness, they are highly observant and courageous. Coily hair has the fire element. Curly hair breaks hexes and spiritually protects the mind. Due to it's volume and resemblance to a cloud, it has the air element. People with wavy hair are intuitive, affectionate, and sensitive, their element is water. Straight hair is the most connected to the earth. People with this hair texture can be introverted, dependable, and grounded.

Your hair length signifies your current state of energy.

Short hair is connected to father sky.

Long hair is connected to mother earth.

It is best to cut your hair when you are in need of releasing stress, anguish, and turmoil.

You can set your intentions into the hair that you braid.

Black people can cornrow patterns or symbols onto their scalp for manifestation.

Locs symbolize freedom and wisdom from the ancestors.

Twists can be used for spiritual binding.

Read here for more on hair witchcraft & hair astrology.

Wearing headscarves, hijabs, bonnets, durags, or hats can protect you from the evil eye or if you're an empath, it can protect your energy from being drained in public spaces.

Do not make any physical changes during a Venus retrograde.

Plastic surgery can alter one's identity. It is like putting on a different mask. It can become an addiction to people who feel lost in life. While for others it can give them a new path to start on.

You can paint sigils or symbols for nail art.

The nail shape you have or get done at a salon can correspond to Onychomancy (https://www.tiktok.com/@taisoleil/video/7035737221068082479?_t=8etXLhtR3LH&_r=1)

You can also use yours or other's eyebrows for divination.

Straight eyebrows: someone who is level headed. Round eyebrows: someone who is compassionate with a kind heart. Arched eyebrows: someone who is independent. Thick eyebrows: someone who can be stubborn and goal oriented. Thin eyebrows: someone who is bold and daring. No eyebrows: someone who is a risk taker and can be careless. The unibrow: symbolizes good luck, fertility, & serendipity.

Your eyelashes are for good luck (which is why people make a wish on fallen lashes, they are similar to dandelions).

Different lash styles can be used as a "barricade".

Manga/spiked lashes: makes you appear pure & innocent, can get away with stuff more. Fluffy lashes: depending on the thickness, it can resemble a spider, therefore can cause someone to have a intensive aura. Cat/hybrid lashes: Increase in clairvoyance, see past the 3D, and have the senses of a feline. Natural lashes: The gaze will be comforting and welcoming to others, they can see into your soul.

Your eye color can mean what powers you have for spells. Colored contacts can create a different outcome.

Glasses can be used for insight and enlightenment. While sunglasses or shades, can make you more mysterious/hide your identity.

For those with periods, cycle syncing can help with increasing productivity.

Depending on your body shape, weight, & features it could symbolize your status in society.

In ancient Greece, people who were voluptuous with plump bellies were seen as healthy & rich. It was a sign of being well fed and treated like royalty.

In Africa & Southeast Asia, long necks signify having dignity & elegance.

Being tall could be seen as powerful, while being short could be seen as delicate. If you are average height, you could be seen as harmonious.

Physiognomy is the method of using the face & body for divination. In China, it is a popular method for readings.

Moles, birthmarks, & skin tags are believed to be the sign of being a Witch.

Vitiligo can mean spiritual purification & finding beauty in your imperfections.

It has been said that freckles are kisses from the angels. These people themselves can be described as earth angels or have a closer connection with archangels.

The form of your freckles can symbolize different things. If they form in a straight line, it could mean you are a focused person. If they are scattered, you like to go with the flow in life. If your freckles come and go during the seasons, you like to experience change or excitement often in your life.

Freckles & beauty marks overall show signs of a person having a unique character.

The clothing you wear can have a mystical effect.

Baggy/layered clothing: spiritually protective. Revealing clothing: free spirited & alluring. Patterned clothing: Makes you illusive or hard to decipher. Animal print clothing: embodies the energy of said animal (I.E: Tiger print would make you appear cunning & fierce). Colorful clothing: your spirit will seem more youthful & vivacious.

The shoes you wear can make you walk into new opportunities unexpectedly.

You can keep a piece of paper that has a spell in your shoes for good luck or attracting your desire.

Buying shoes and watches for your romantic partner is bad luck in hoodoo (Shoes can make someone walk out the door and leave forever. While watches can make someone look at the time they have left with you.)

Earrings can help you hear what others say about you or what gossip is going around. (I heard the most compliments the other day while wearing my gold hoops 💫)

A necklace that has a charm or crystal can be used as a tailsmans, amulet, or pendulum.

Wearing rings on which hand or finger could enhance your abilities.

The same way there is money bowls, you can also make love or beauty bowls, or even use your jewelry box.

You can use color magick when doing your makeup or choosing an outfit.

Primer, lotions/moisturizers, body butters, oils, and gels can be used for sigils.

Foundation is for stability and being secure with yourself.

Concealer "cloaks" or "veils" your weaknesses or insecurities.

Contour makes space and structure for your desire.

Eyeliner can be used as a tool. It wards off negative spirits & people with bad intentions.

In ancient Egypt, the use of Kohl represented rank and achievement.

Mascara can be used to give you a different perspective in things or make you more open minded.

Eyeshadow enhances your eyes & brings more depth or dimension. Makes your gaze hypnotic & enticing like a siren's.

Highlighter shines your best qualities.

Bronzer makes your presence more warm & friendly

Blush is for playfulness, youthfulness, flirtation, and vitality.

The lip product you use can speak your desires into fruition. It also make your words sound more beautiful. People will want to listen more because they will feel attracted to your voice.

Lip gloss: makes your intentions "stick" to you. Lipstick: Leaves a "mark" on your target (especially if it's someone you fancy 💋). Lip stain: makes your words have a permanent effect on people, they won't forget you. Flavored lip balms: makes your kisses addicting.

Powder enhances your spell & adds a touch of good luck.

Setting spray finishes the spell.

528 Hz is the frequency of love.

Listening to frequencies, music, & subliminals can attract your desires.

You can make a playlist for your deity or ancestors to channel messages from them.

Here are some celebrities who used mirror work or glamour magick to manifest:

Beyoncé's Renaissance album has themes of having a good self concept, knowing your worth, manifesting self love & abundance.

Marilyn Monroe used visualization & affirmations to manifest her beauty and fame: “I daydreamed chiefly about beauty. I dreamed of myself becoming so beautiful that people would turn to look at me when I passed.”

Michael Jackson would keep sticky notes and a diary full of affirmations in his room by his mirror: “I'm beautiful (4x). I'm gorgeous. [Bad..?] Is for me, who can be against me? I'm beautiful. I'm a new person now. Beautiful, knowing the secret, and determined with fire[?] to move mountains in all I do. Molding my own world. I'm beautiful. The old me is behind. I will much ahead anew. - MJ”

Alexa Demie stated in a interview with Vogue that she would say affirmations in the mirror daily in the morning and it helped her manifest clear skin: “I have beautiful, clear, acne-free, scar-free skin.”

Princess Nokia is a bruja and is well known for her constant change in appearance: “Casting spells with my cousins / I'm the head of this coven / I'm a shapeshifting bitch, you don't know who you loving.”

Thanks so much for reading, I wish you all the best of luck on your journey 🤍🤍🤍

#witchcraft #witches of color #witches of tumblr #love spell #glamour magick #mirror work #spell work #astrology #astro observations #pac #pick a card #affirmations #law of assumption #manifestation #ascendant #rising sign #desired appearance #shadow work #tarot #astrology observations #free readings #divine feminine #Aphrodite #hoodoo #greek mythology #orisha #oshun #yemaya #deity work #apollo

[floralcavern]

Look. I have been a Chalastor shipper for literal years. All the way back when the pilot came out. I adored them and actually thought there was a chance they’d become canon. I’ve always had so many concepts in my head for them. 

This chaotic neutral force there to fuck with the other character only to realize he actually wants to see her succeed. 

The idea of Charlie successfully saving a sinner and suddenly, Alastor sees her in a whole new light. He looks at her and she’s glowing. Just.. AHHH. It is so cute!

But, uh… things are a bit complicated now. So.. I guess let’s talk about it. 

But, obviously, I can’t talk about Chalastor without talking about their two most popular ships. 

I’ll start with Radiodust, since I have the least to say about it. 

I never got it. Alastor has always been very clearly a sex repulsed asexual, and Angel is a horny ass pornstar. Plus, I’ve always shipped Huskerdust. But I’ve always liked the dynamic idea of Alastor and Angel, but I cannot for the life of me think of them in a romantic light. 

Now Chaggie..

For the longest time, I didn’t even know they were dating. The pilot kept it very on the DL, so I never even realized until months after the pilot when someone told me they were canonically dating. 

And even after that, I couldn’t ship them. 

But now the show is out, and they have more scenes! Surely-

Oh, no, they’re still bland..

They are one of the most boring, vanilla ships.. ever. And I want to love the ship, I really do. And I’ve tried. But I cannot. They just.. aren’t my thing. But that doesn’t mean I hate the ship at all! I just.. don’t go out looking for fanart or comics of them. 

But Chalastor just scratches my brain in such a nice, satisfying way. It always has. 

But, now that the episode, Dad Beat Dad is out.. things are complicated. 

At first, I thought they were pulling the “Lucifer thinks Alastor is flirting with Charlie and was ready to go all ‘shotgun dad’ on him, but then is relieved to realize she is with Vaggie.” Especially because of the way Alastor touched Charlie’s shoulder and leaned in. But, no, that’s not what they did. When he met Vaggie, there didn’t seem to be relief, but awkwardness to meet the girl his daughter is dating. 

So that means he never considered the idea that Charlie and Alastor were together. So that means from the very beginning he saw Alastor as competition as the fatherly figure in Charlie’s life. Which.. says a lot for how they appear to others within universe. Because if I saw someone touch someone’s shoulder like that and lean in, I’d assume flirting. But that wasn’t an option that Lucifer even had in his mind. So, how do they appear to seem to the characters in this universe? They look like a father and daughter..

And that’s just.. woof. Not great. 

And don’t even get me started on Chalastor shippers making this into a daddy kink. 

The most I like is the memes that say “Your daughter calls me daddy too” because it’s funny, but anyone taking it seriously and making it into an actual thing is just.. I’m not a fan. Especially since Alastor is a sex repulsed asexual. 

Now, I know I’m going to get people saying “Oh, Alastor was just acting that way to fuck with Lucifer!” and I know that, but the fact that the very idea that they could have a father-daughter relationship and everyone in universe taking that idea seriously says a lot and makes shipping them.. complicated. 

So, what now? Well, I’m still going to ship it. Just.. tentatively. And as for everyone else.. do whatever you want, idc. 

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. 

#charlie morningstar #alastor hazbin hotel #Chalastor #charlastor #hazbin hotel #alastor the radio demon #hazbin alastor #Charlie x alastor #radiobelle #Alastor x charlie #Angel dust #Vaggie #vaggie hazbin hotel

[ryunumber]

Spooky from Spookys House Of Jumpscares/Spookys Jumpscare Mansion

Spooky has a Ryu Number of 5/4/does not have a Ryu Number.

(explanation below)

Look, it's complicated. Things will be more concrete when Cross Impact hits Early Access.

Fair warning: this explanation is a bit more involved than normal, because the research hole this sent me down had me sincerely doubting my own base competence.

So, from the top: Spooky's only eligible appearance is in her own game, Spooky's Jump Scare Mansion née House of Jump Scares, as her only other appearance, period, seems to be as a trophy in Indie Pogo.

Naturally, this makes SJSM's specimens as the only connecting points. I've identified three that could work:

Unknown Specimen 1 is just White Face from IMSCARED.

This seems to be a dead end, as White Face's only other eligible appearance seems to be in the Nightmare Mode of Cooking Companions, as part of a menagerie of other horror game characters, including SJSM's own Specimen 6. But all of those also seem to be dead ends, and Specimen 6 just gets back to where we started, so that's probably no good.

How about Unknown Specimen 5?

Named Lisa. Sure looks quite a bit like Lisa from P.T. and once-prospective Silent Hills. Let's say it's that Lisa. What else has Lisa been in?

Apparently just P.T., which wouldn't be altogether unsurprising given, you know, all that happened with Silent Hills. Even the Lisa decoys for Metal Gear Solid V showcased in the Tokyo Game Show 2014 trailer didn't make it to the final game.

But there are still other P.T. references that did make it. Namely, that pleasant radio transmission, interruptions and all, can be heard from some radios in MGSV.

Now, given that audio-only appearances are broadly eligible, you could make a case that whoever's reading in this transmission is a character themself, which would in turn connect Lisa to The Phantom Pain, at which point calculating the Ryu Number is just a matter of hashing out who exactly is and is not in MGSV. The only issue I have with making this connection is that the audio is basically reused wholesale from P.T., which arguably makes it more in line with an archival recording, which is not eligible, than bespoke radio chatter, which is eligible, but hey, whatever, I've peddled dodgier. Why the hell not.

So in the search of a route with less caveats, let's consider what I've identified as the last possible eligible connection, Specimen 8. This cervine bundle of fun can be seen in Lost in Vivo as part of Lost Tape 3.

It turns out there's another character in Lost in Vivo who's been in something else: Sotiris. It also turns out that the "something else" in question is, uh,

the EEK3 2020 Virtual Show Floor. Which, to the best of my knowledge, is never referred to as a game, so if that matters to you, then we're done, and Spooky either has the aforementioned route through Lisa or nothing.

If you're willing to say that the virtual show floor is a game, which does not seem to be an unpopular opinion, then good news! There's a clear path to Ryu. You just have to go through Skully, who cameos in Toree 3D,

to the titular Toree, who's a guest character in Lunistice,

to Kit, the main character of Lunistice, who cameos in CrossCode,

to Lea, whose Ryu Number of 2 is already established, which gives Spooky a final Ryu Number of I'm sorry, I'm being handed a note.

Oh. Well fuck me, then, for not considering that the realities of game development could lead to a scenario wherein a character from an in-progress game could make cameo appearances in other games, only to be scrapped entirely before their would-be source game is released. Clearly, this is what the kids refer to as a "skill issue".

And the best part? This chain is so long that I'm genuinely expecting to have overlooked something really obvious that gives a shorter number, because the documentation I found on indie-ass indie horror game crossovers is spotty. So if you have any information that could shorten this more substantial than "White Face is graffiti in the full release of FAITH", send it my way. I'd rather be definitely wrong than dubiously correct.

Anyway, Toree's set to be playable in Cross Impact, so when that's released to the wider public most of this nonsense I just spewed at you will actually come into play. Until then, make of all of this what you will. If you'll excuse me, I need to go fucking distort.

#spooky #spooky's jumpscare mansion #spooky's jump scare mansion #spooky's house of jumpscares #ryu number

[i-hear-a-sound]

Drakengard/NieR: Twin Theory, Part 1

The post ahead is… long. Insanely fucking long, and I’m certain half of it is incoherent. Oh well. It’s a Tuesday.

So, to preface:

This is all just theory.

Spoilers for NieR and Drakengard.

Homework:

(post regarding copied & cathedral city)

(post comparing adam, eve, and a secret third thing)

Good luck down here.

NieR Automata: Ending D. 

It’s the ending you get if you choose to play as 9S in the final boss. 9S kills A2 and incidentally gets himself killed when he falls on her sword. Dumb hoe.

However, when his memory data starts performing an emergency evacuation, he, and we, find ourselves fading into…

an “Ark.”

He first sees the red girl, N2, who explains to him the vague purpose of this ark. 

To take the memories of the “foolish machine life forms” and send them to another world, after they’d seen the androids and contemplated their own existence as machines. 

9S also sees Adam and Eve there, the ladder asleep and the former holding him. Adam asks 9S a simple question,

“Will you come with us?”

And If you choose to go onto the Ark, it’s assumed 9S’s memory & consciousness data become “part” of the Ark, traveling off to whatever… “world” they may be heading to. 

And if you stay. 

9S does not get on the Ark. the Ark flies off, without him.

And we actually get a follow-up to this ending. “Farewell” is a script that takes place sometime after Ending D, in which 2B wakes up but 9S does not. 

Though she tries everything she can to find a way to revive him, she eventually just… shuts down on her own, due to grief. 

(Except for in the final reading of this script, where the ending was changed and 9S wakes up— but you know what? Fuck you. I’m not making this any more complicated than it’s immediately about to get in like, 5 sentences.)

(Edit: we then got a follow up to that script that follows this scenario.         talk to your parents about it)

So… the Ark. About everything I just told you is about all we have on the Ark itself. 

The most we know is this: The Ark was created by Machines. It carries memory data that it will take to a different world. It

Memory data. 

…Memory data. 

Sorry. It’s just that… typing this all out right now, it’s starting to ring a bell. But I don’t know where that bell is, why it’s ringing. 

Holding memories. 

Storing memories. 

Machines storing memories This sounds familiar. 

But where else could I have heard this from?

I remember now. 

The Seeds.

In YoRHa: Dark Apocalypse, the NieR:Automata Final Fantasy 14 raid, something returned after over a decade and a half that totally took me off guard: the Seeds of Destruction. 

Introduced in the first Drakengard, they were “tools of the gods” that would appear when all seals were broken. While they were believed by humans to be holy items that would bring all living creatures, man or monster, to them in times of great peril, to guide them down a path of salvation— in reality, they just kinda did this

Creating extremely powerful monsters capable of carrying out the god’s one motive: the destruction of humanity. 

But back to the raid. In this collaboration the Seeds returned, and not only that, but they… well. 

In the 3rd raid, N2, the red girl I was talking about earlier and the “ego of the machine network”, goes up into a seed that’s inside of a portal, and becomes this… False Idol. 

Clearly meant to be derivative of the designs of The Queen Beast/Mother Angel & the Intoners. Always these gray bitches. 

Anyways. After you fight her, she makes this weird… light thing? which goes up into the sky, into the portal I mentioned earlier, and then… 

HM

We are dropped into a copied Tokyo, straight out of Drakengard 1.  

But…

Question. How?

How did we get here. Is it really just a copied Tokyo? How did it get copied? 

And if not, did we like… Time Travel? Did we…

Oh, I got sidetracked. My bad. We were talking about the seeds.

So at first, we see the seeds transform someone, this time a non-human. Nothing new, although I do find it strange how differently it changed N2 in comparison to how Furiae became… that. 

Perhaps it works differently for machines? …Put a pin in that for now. 

Anyways. I didn’t swerve this car just to talk to you about how stuff we already fucking knew was just used AGAIN. 

No, the very reason I brought up this whole raid at all, and got so sidetracked I nearly transitioned into a different topic, was because of this singular excerpt.  

Maybe I’m reading this wrong. Maybe I’m not. And if I’m not, then

these seeds are storing people’s memories. Hundreds of them. 

(Edit: I wasn’t reading this wrong :) )

Isn’t that just like what I described with the Ark? The Ark stores memory data, the seeds hold memories…

I mean, the description of what the Seeds were believed to be by humanity, along with Drakengard’s usage of various themes regarding religion, has always reminded me of one specific thing: Noah’s Ark. 

Noah’s. Ark. 

Ark. Seed. Seed. Ark. 

Perhaps, they are one and the same.

Perhaps… The Ark is a Seed. 

Surely not though, right? I mean… yeah, this is solid evidence, but it’s really the only evidence I can give you guys. There’s not much we know about the Seeds in all honesty, and there’s even less regarding the Ark, so it’s nearly impossible to find any other lead in 

?

Wait. 

Let’s go back for a second.

“Let the light in?” What light? 

What the hell is this referring to? The whole raid finished like, two years ago, and for that same amount of time I’ve genuinely had no idea what this “light” is. 

I mean, she does conjure up this sort of light that goes into the portal, and… then we go to Tokyo. Maybe that’s what it’s referring to? 

Let the light in… 

Light… 

Light.

Do not bring back the light. Do not bring back the vessel. Do not bring back the future. Do not bring it back.

Every beam of light is an invitation to death.

I’ve heard this before.

These two excerpts are from the World of Recycled Vessel DLC, in the diary of Nier/The Protagonist’s deceased mother. 

These are the last two lines in the diary. Both referencing this “light” with a… negative connotation?

Why. 

 And… wait, why am I going off on this? When I was talking about the Ark and The Seeds and whatnot I never once mentioned their connection to any sort of light. 

Because I never thought there was. Because I looked over it. 

I lie collapsed in a space of blinding white. The pain is... gone. The light envelops me. It's so warm.

My damage worsens. I start to lose my memories. The space fills up with pure white light. It's like being buried in snow.

These two excerpts are from 9S’ dialogue during Ending D— you know, the one where the Ark makes its “appearance.”

.

“A space of blinding white”, “the light envelops me”, “the space fills up with pure white light”.

…

Hm. 

I’m beginning to wonder if this “light” is, in some way… connected to memories? And a “space of pure white light”… that feels familiar. Really familiar. 

Real fucking familiar.

After being encroached upon, the light overflowed. Poured into, we overflowed, the connection has AWAKENED.

This is from decoded text in Automata, taking place after Ending A/B. I think it’s meant to describe Eve briefly connecting to 9S’ consciousness in some way? (Given there is a mention of a brother who “learned a lot from books.” Fact-check me though.)

The Pods decide to abandon the body after the personality data has been completely restored, and to destroy any machine life forms in the surrounding area. And at the very bottom of this story… 

<Vessel>

Do not bring back the vessel. 

The infection spreads through 2B's consciousness. She prays. Before death's footsteps reach her, she screams. Even if nobody hears me. 9S saved me. Within a crumbling memory, she bids farewell to 9S's consciousness data. I did feel a little bit lonely but now my h eart is filled with such wa rm li ght

Then there’s this. It’s the final line of “Voices from the Verge”, a short story from a Nier Fan-Festival in 2022. 

I think it’s meant to take place in the copied city— no, not the one we see in game, at least I don’t think— a different one. A different memory. 

A place to celebrate life and send off the deceased. A place of prayer. The city's records can be gleaned from within the tranquil light. A record of humanity's end. A history of machines copying a city. And also... the hesitance they felt. This city is a replica. A city built by machine lifeforms based on the siblings' memories of where they lived. And even the very siblings themselves were nothing but imitations born from memories.

“The city’s records can be gleaned from within the tranquil light”… “a city built by machine life forms based on the siblings’ memories of where they lived.”

“A history of machines copying a city. And also… the hesitance they felt.”

…um. How? 

If you’re thinking the “siblings” being referred to in this script are Adam and Eve… no. This city is meant to be a replica of Nier and Yonah’s memories. Hell, they themselves in this script are replicas made out of their own memories. 

God this shit’s fucking stupid to type

But… thing is. Again! How? How did the machines know what this city looked like? Sure, maybe it’s in one of their “records”, but even then. 

…Well. If we go back to the screenshot I showed you all earlier from the Dark Apocalypse raid, it mentions how the data in these Seeds are stored by “machines bearing the names of gods.”

These machines are possibly using the seeds to store people’s memories. 

And— hey. I mentioned earlier how the seeds can transform whatever enters it, but do you know what I neglected to add? 

They also

Copy.

Maybe this “light” can be connected to the seeds and the Ark as well. But what that means I… don’t really know right now.

So we have one connection. And now, possibly two. Are there any more connections I should know about?! 

In NieR: Replicant ver 1.22, Ending E, the— if I’m correct— “canon” ending, was finally added after only being contained in the guidebook “Grimoire Nier.”

And this is the achievement you receive at the very start of it.

It’s in hexadecimal. And thankfully, it’s already been translated. 

“Memory server”

“I can see the light”

Memory… server. 

I can see the light.

Memory. Server. I can see the light. 

The light. Memory server.

Light. Memories. Memories. Light. 

Light…

Light…

Light…

Light

A SPACE OF BLINDING WHITE. 

Fucking… finally. I get to talk about Drakengard 1. Most of the talk regarding this game is being saved for the part 2 of this post I’ll get to… eventually, but what I want to focus on here is this game’s ending D, and “The Great Time.” 

In this ending, Seere breaks his pact, unleashing the Queen Beast’s time(?) and enveloping the world with this… light. The great time. From it, a black tower also emerges. A tower. A… I’m gonna stop. Nope. Back on topic. 

But it wasn’t until the novella, “Magnitude Negative”, was fully translated that we finally got a better understanding of what this “time” is. 

It is everything. 

Every living creature. Every structure. Everything, everywhere, past, present, future.

And every 

single 

ending.

“He could see the shadows of crowds, coming and going. It was loud, all indifferent to all around them, and full of different interests. There were tall buildings whose likes he had never seen before, and vehicular machines that ran faster than horses. … Caim is crying, clinging to the dragon. ‘I have never seen you weep before.’ … The dragon states its name. ‘Angelus. My name is Angelus.’… Caim and the dragon are going to kill each other. ‘Caim. Our pact ends here.’ … ‘Miracles cannot be asked for.’ The Goddess, revived with the Seed of Resurrection, is destroying humanity. … Seere rests within a giant womb. In a strange place, but rather familiar all the same, the dragon fights against a song.”

“A strange place, but rather familiar all the same”…? That’s for part 2. 

But case is, everything is the Great Time. 

And it is

light. 

EDIT: FUCKING HELL I TOOK SO LONG TO FINISH THIS THAT REINCARNATION GOT ANOTHER UPDATE. AND I CAN ADD THIS SHIT. 

10H states that “The Cage”, which IIRC is where “all” of NieR: Reincarnation takes place, is inside of that… egg. It’s supposed to hold the “data” (memories asshole!!!!) of humanity until the time comes for them to… you know. Reincarnate. But it’s not meant to be there, it’s supposed to be on the Moon, why is it now on Earth. And

I FUCKING KNEW IT. I called it. I never verbalized it but I CALLED THIS BULLSHIT DAY… um….  While ago. Source: trust. 😁

Time is light. Light is memories. Memory server. Memories are recorded in the seeds. Memories are recorded in the ark. The ark is light. The seeds are light. The ark is a seed.

Hang on.

Who records the memories in the ark again? Machines… “Machines with the names of gods.” 

I don’t recall us ever meeting a machine of that kind of name? The closest would be Adam and Eve, of course, but one 1. They died and 2. Neither’s name derivations were gods. Adam and Eve were not gods.

And, hell, how the fuck did machines get their hands on the Seeds anyways? Even looking past the theory part, them being what is messing with the seeds is canon.

And— hang on! New question coming through, how the fuck did the Seeds get here?! 

This is thousands of years after Drakengard 1. Not only that, but these are TWO SEPARATE FUCKING UNIVERSES. Two timelines! 

The seeds are intrinsically tied to the watchers. Hell, watchers gradually transform into them over time in one of the novellas. 

How are the machines putting memories into the seeds? How did the seeds get here in the first place? With all this time talk, where does Ac

The aliens. 

I need to talk about the aliens.

The aliens of Automata are… fucking weird. 

Sit down, and listen. Look here look listen. Basically, in a franchise where giant scary gray babies exist, one’s that devour scary bitches and wreck havoc and shit, it’s not them that fully take out humanity— well, they likely do in their universe, but in NIER’S? It’s…

It’s fucking FETUS SHAPED ALIENS 

Aliens who time, and time, and TIME AGAIN we are told FUCKING SUCK!! They are traaaashh!!!

Their heads look like an asscrack. They look like if you fucked up a perfectly good turtle. And in all seriousness, they created machines so much smarter than them that they essentially doomed themselves by creating their own exterminators. Sure, they got control over the Kingdom of Night/North and South America, said control which only grew larger and larger as they began rapidly producing machines, but… that was honestly their only W. These fuckers suck. Clutch or kick. 

And Adam, the machine who, along with his brother, killed off the rest of the aliens, describes them as being… “infantile.”

And I paused. 

Infantile? 

Out of everything… that’s such a specific word. Infantile.

Infantile. Infant…ile. 

Infant. 

Like a baby. 

A 

baby. 

A

Wait. What did I say they looked like? 

Fetuses. The aliens… they look like fetuses. 

But not natural fetuses, no… no. Like if you took an infant and forced it to revert back into what it looked like in the womb. Gross, I know, but… just look at them.

Just. 

Look.

At. 

Them.  

Look at their skin. It’s… bumpy. Scaly. 

Scaly. 

I’m not trying to imply that they’re dragons. At least… not exactly.

No, what I am trying to imply, is that the answer as to what these things are has been staring me in the face the whole fucking time.

When the flower descended at the beginning of this story, dragons were not the only things that came down with it. 

Infantile, you say? 

This idea is, out of everything in “Twin Theory”, the one I’ve held onto the longest. It’s stupid, yeah— but just like with the Ark and the Seeds, and a certain third theory that still waits after this section— I started scripting, and evidence manifested*. 

*I looked shit up and fact-checked myself🦅🦅🚬

Anyways. Do I think the aliens are the watchers? NO. No, no, no. One fucker is a  tentacle ass bitch and the other belongs in a crib at the tenth circle of hell. But i do absolutely believe that a connection can be made. 

First of all, I want to look at the aliens’ ship. Look at it good and hard. Does it remind you of anything?

Maybe… A FUCKING FLOWER? 

Because that’s exactly what this looks like. Hell, the big ball in the middle would obviously remind one of a Seed itself… but that’s a little too silly for me. (Edit: You will soon see that I should’ve never doubted my gut.) Then again, the first time we see the seeds in the final fantasy collab is in the aliens’ ship and I… am going to stop myself from having a hernia :3. (Edit: You will soon see that I should’ve never doubted my gut)

Second. I want to look at Drakengard 1.3, specifically its ending. The whole novella is kinda… well, weird, and not in a good way weird most of the time, but its ending has always struck me as being particularly interesting. 

The dragons, who I will again mention are connected to the watchers— like— genetically, devour humanity. Their size increases in number and over time they begin to change shape. First slowly taking on the forms of “lumps of meat”, then the forms of babies, then a whole bunch of them fuse together to become… a seed. 

(This moment isn’t the only time we’ve seen entities fuse together to create a seed-like object, but… I’ll hold that thought off for now.) 

Anyways. What does any of this have to do with the Aliens?

Well. 

Take into consideration that the dragons only transformed because they were devouring humans. They had shit to eat. And given the fact that these dragons transformed into Watchers, I doubt it would be too much of a stretch to ponder whether or not Watchers themselves have this similar capability. 

But what about in Automata? A part in the timeline where… there are no humans left. There’s nothing to feed off of. Most of all, there’s no Queen. 

The Watchers’ entire “goal” in the first game was to break the seals and free the Queen Beast. There’s no humans left. What would they do now? 

…Start a pointless war between the next best thing? Build machines they can control with ease. Forge a logic virus that will perpetuate this war for as long as it can, with a notable trait of it being: red eyes. And create a manifestation of the machine’s own egos in the form of a little girl, so akin to the girl they made their high priestess so long ago. 

Edit: I continued to take too long to finish this theory and the nier concert happened. While the full script isn’t out yet, I was able to read an (I think) fairly decent summary that one part of caught my eye. 

2B and 9S discover a place known as “Eden”………. hehehehehheheheheeeeee… and it’s basically just a huge alien ship, iirc. Inside they find a transporter that opens into a white city, and after walking through it a lil bit they find a copied YoRHa bunker. 

Continuing their disastrous walkalong they find a bunch of dead machines in a… church…

ok….

(l was real!)

And also there, is a circle of Android corpses, surrounding a black orb.

It’s said that they formed this place as a “place of worship in their final moments”, and that the black orb likely comes from the aliens ship. 

And we know this.

Black orb! Never doubt your gut ever!

But given what I’ve already said about the aliens… hm. The thing powering their ship being in a place of worship in one’s final moments… 

speak not the watchers, write not the watchers…

Just a little idea. 

I may have explained all this “evidence” poorly, so sorry for that. But anyways.

If the aliens were connected to the watchers (and the dragons?), so many weird connections in Automata could possibly be explained.

The cult of the watchers’ emblem appearing on either of the twins’ tattoos? Connection. 

N2 resembling Manah? Connection. 

Logic virus being derivative of the Red Eye Disease? Connection. 

The Seeds of Destruction being in the NieR universe, specifically at the time of Automata, at all? C word. Connection. 

It could even explain why no other aliens ever… you know, showed up. These aliens were the only ones, because no more could be formed with the Queen dead, the dragons gone, and a lack of food. 

“The aliens look like if you took an infant and forced it to revert back into what it looked like in the womb.” And gave it… tentacles and scales.                   😁

But even with all that, this is still a theory that I’m going to continue working out the kinks in. Could the Aliens have ties to the Watchers? Maybe, but I still need a lot more evidence to fully make that conclusion. 

But for right now, it’s moreso food for thought. 

I wish I could say the same for the final theory I’m going to be discussing today. 

So we’ve talked about the Ark. Its existence is shrouded in mystery, but the conclusion I came to is that it is, in some form, a Seed of Destruction, used by machines to record memories and travel worlds. Both seem to be connected with this… “Light”, which I concluded is connected to “the Great Time”. 

Hell… just typing this out, I forgot another physical example of this light in action— 

This whole large group of machines merge to form a “seed”, and as light begins to build up inside of it, Adam is created. 

Does this light… create, as well? Put a pin in that… maybe. I don’t know. 

(Edit: I think it do..)

Anyways. Then, we discussed the Aliens. I theorized that they could have some connection to the Watchers of Drakengard, looking at all the strange ties the two species have with each other— from how the aliens’ ship suspiciously resembles a flower, to how the watchers’ most likely have the ability to change forms over time when strong enough. The conclusion I came to is that the possibility of the Aliens being the weakened remains of the Watchers after the extinction of both their Queen and humanity as a whole, is… well. It’s there. 

But there’s one thing we haven’t talked about yet, and I’m sure you all have an idea of what exactly that is. 

We’ve discussed two very perplexing entities in the Drakenier universe today, but there’s one last character I chose to leave as my final topic. One that, funnily enough, also has an A name. And is more mysterious than the two topics I’ve already gone over combined.

Accord. 

Accord is by far the most “mysterious” character in the entire Drakenier franchise, despite being one of the only characters to be mentioned by name in multiple games. 

It’s why it’s so hard to theorize about her. But there’s enough we do know about her that tells us she might as well be the most important character in the series. 

Accord is a recorder android, one who… well… records. Riveting script writing ☝️

She records singularities, entities with the capability of creating branches by altering timelines. Normally she doesn’t intervene and just records the singularity once the branch has been made. Her goal in this endeavor is to prevent a “Fall-Down”, the collapse of all timelines.

She can time travel, as while we first see her in the beginning of the timeline, Drakengard 3, she was actually created during the time of NieR: Automata, around 6230 or so, in the Kingdom of Night. She also has multiple clones of herself, all of which hold the same goal as the one we follow in D3. 

She also works a weapons shop and presumably even writes the weapons’ stories. She collects minerals from the old world(?) which she came from, and wields a large suitcase and phone. 

In Automata, it’s mentioned she supplied weapons to the resistance; in Replicant, it was added that Yonah actually met Accord; in the Automata anime, hidden(?) text is likely from Accord, aaaaaand…

That’s it. That’s all we know about this girl.

Yes, it sounds like a lot but it’s really… not. 

Specifically, two key things are unknown to us. Them being: 

•How does Accord time travel? 

•Who created Accord? 

And for so long, these two questions just kinda sat there in my mind. I had ideas but… nothing that big. 

I just assumed that, maybe, we haven’t seen how Accord time travels yet. And that Accord could just be a product of the Army of Humanity, connecting her back to YoRHa. 

But then… in a NieR: Reincarnation update… 

10 years after we last, physically saw her…

We got this: 

These three images are what prompted me to finally, finally, put this theory in its entirety into words. 

Because it got me thinking. 

Puppet? Why puppet? 

Yeah, stuff like “puppets” and “dolls” have been used in reference to androids, machines whatevs in this series before, but for some reason… reading it made me recall a very small detail. Something I’d always overlooked. 

The final fantasy collab… puppet… puppets’… What was the title of the 2nd raid again?

Ah. The Puppets’ Bunker. 

Now, why am I making such a big deal over Accord simply being referred to as “puppet” in this small section of a game? Why am I focused more on that than the fact that this is most likely teasing her return at all? 

Well… it’s the same reason I bring up the collab again. 

2P. 

She & the other P units are the primary antagonists of this specific raid. She’s a machine copy of 2B, with an inverted palette. 

And I’ve always been curious as to what the P in her name meant. Of course, it initially just meant “Second Player”— but Yoko Taro himself has since stated that there’s a double meaning to it. 

And after a while of thinking and thinking, someone suggested the P to mean… 

Puppet.

And shit blew my mind. It totally works! So I went with it, and then… 

It made me remember another thing. Back to Accord. 

Do you remember the post I made on Adam and Eve? Yes, the post where I dropped the maybe-possible-bombshell that Eve (and his brother, likely) could possibly have some sort of connection to Mikhail of Drakengard 3, at least visually— but do you know what I mentioned in kind of a side comment? 

Adam distinctly looks like Accord. And that was that. For a while, the only question I had regarding that was: “Why does Adam look like Accord?”

But what I realized after lots and lots of thinking… is that I should’ve been asking a different question. 

“How does Adam look like Accord?”!

Adam’s a machine. He was created by machines, created by aliens. If Accord was with the Army of Humanity, why does this machine share so much resemblance to her? 

I mean, fuck— if the Copied City he creates really does have ties to the Cathedral City in Drakengard 3,

why is Accord at the fucking Mercurius Gate?

You know, the place where all the world’s “knowledge” is stored, as well as… oh I don’t know, the fucking Flower. 

“Receptionist?” Strangely, that isn’t even the weirdest thing Accord’s been referred to. 

Just think back to that Reincarnation update. Accord is called a “puppet.” 

Why? 

I already just talked about “puppet” being possibly the double meaning of the P in “2P”, connecting the term to the mock androids/machines, but I didn’t even mention the usage of the word in Drakengard 3.

In one of the novellas, the dragons, specifically Michael, fought entities described as “Puppets”. This novella is one I’ve seen occasionally brought up in discussions regarding the Kingdom of Night, due to the existence of “dragon-like machines.” 

Hell JUST LOOK AT THEM SIDE BY SIDE. 

The first is the mechanical interior(?) of a YoRHa android, 2nd is… of course, what we see of Accord’s. Look at the rib area. For a while I assumed it looked like that because her arm had been blown off but… no. Shit’s clean and smooth. It was built that way.  It also seems as though Accord’s body is connected via… ball joints? 

Why is an Android from the future so… I don’t know. Old-fashioned? Mechanic?

Especially when compared to YoRHa androids. They bleed, she doesn’t. 

But. But but but. 

She’s… confirmed to be made DURING the period between Replicant and Automata, during the machine war. It’s one of the only things confirmed about her backstory, and yet every little thing about her would make you think otherwise. 

She’s built like a legitimate doll, not an Android. As such, she gets called a puppet. There are multiple identical copies of her and from what I’ve read it isn’t because she’s a line of… idk, Accords. Take a shot every time I say her name btw

She can time travel seemingly with as much ease as the universe allows her, and yet has to self engage special abilities like… run fast mode. 

Stuff that other Androids of her time period are shown to do naturally. 

But… that’s the only case for her. The only answer we have of who exactly created the first Accord is in YoRHa, the Army of Humanity. 

But. 

I. 

Don’t. 

Know. 

None of this makes sense, right? None of it. Nothing that I’ve just discussed should logically make sense if she was made by the Army of Humanity. 

But that’s the only option for her, right? That we know of? Right? 

Why is she closer to a machine than she is to any of the androids? 

Who? Is? Accord?

Then it hit me. A realization. 

Didn’t I… wait. What was the estimated year of Accord’s creation? 

…6230? 

Okay. And we know she was created in the Kingdom of Night… 

But. 

What? 

Hang on. Kingdom of Night… do we know anything about the kingdom of night? 

I mean… we know what it is. It’s North and South America, cast in an eternal state of Night. It’s the reason why in every NieR game, the sun never sets— it’s always set in the Kingdom of Day. 

We’ve never seen the Kingdom of Night. All we know is that Accord was made there… dragon machines fought against the machines inside there, and… oh… oh. 

Oh.

The Kingdom of Night.

North and South America?

…where the first machines were being mass produced. The first machines were made in the Kingdom of Night, in 5100.

The Army of Humanity never managed to gain control over that kingdom. In fact, in 7645 the aliens’ control over the kingdom of night had increased to 80%.

And Accord was created in 6230. 

In the kingdom of night.

In the kingdom of night

WHICH THE ALIENS HAD TOTAL OCCUPATION OVER, AND WERE USING TO BEGIN PRODUCING THEIR FIRST MACHINE LIFEFORMS. 

Accord isn’t a product of the Army of Humanity. Isn’t a product of humanity at all.

Accord didn’t come from YoRHa. 

Accord is a product of the aliens. 

She’s a machine!

I want to go back to the tower. Don’t worry, no more talk about time and seeds and light and arks and useless crap like that

At least, not for the next… I don’t fucking know. 1,000 words. Lol.     Lol😬

Do you remember what was inside the tower, aside from the ark itself? Aside from the countless copiesof B/E models? 

The library. 

An exact replica of Popola’s library, all the way back from Replicant. 

And I always saw this moment at its face value. Oh, it’s THE library. The library that holds all the records for the machines is a copy of the one from the other game. Cool.

Same thing with when Popola’s office appeared in both the game and the anime, though they both served mildly different purposes. 

But when I looked at these moments as I was writing this theory I thought… hm. Why here? 

So I did what every normal fan does and 

I read the Drakengard 3 complete guide. 

4/5ths of it. 

Long day. Thank you Accord’s Library.

But among the things I took note of, this page caught my eye: 

A page that’s Basically an outline of the timelines in Drakengard 1, 2 (told you it’s technically canon, bitch), and the first NieR. Done by accord. 

Let’s zoom in on NieR’s, actually. 

Atta boy. First of all, fucking banger of an image. Second of all, so… did…

Did an Accord meet Devola & Popola? Because if so… 

… it makes a lot more sense as to why the machines’ archives are stored in an identical copy of their library. 

What I’m getting at is that I think Accord had some involvement with the data recorded in the tower, or at least… the tower itself. 

Second of all. Let’s go back to the complete guide, and narrow our focus on its documentation of the games’ events— specifically, the branching phenomena. 

Something interesting that I noticed is that everything regarding either 

Accord 

Or

Branch activity at all

Is labeled as “Top Secret.”

And yeah, this is probably just for some cool flare or whatnot, but I really want to narrow down the Accord stuff in this. 

From what I was able to get translated off this page, I actually found some very interesting things.

To start, it’s described that the fact Accord is an android/machine/whatever the fuck at all is… prohibited information. That she was a “machine made from an advanced civilization in the Old World. Specifically… prohibited to be published.” It’s also described as being “an embarrassing secret.”

The “embarrassing secret” thing could honestly just be in Accord’s own words, but I don’t think the “prohibited” part is.

After all, it was also prohibited for Accord to intervene like she did in Ending D. 

So she’s prohibited from interfering with events in a timeline, as well as ever disclosing her identity as an Android/machine…which she also considers an “embarrassing secret.”

And we should also talk about the… the fucking… NieR Desktop PCs that have lore on them. I fucking hate this franchise. 

4198 AD Humanity's extinction is confirmed. All records relating to humans are moved to maximum-pirority folders, and backups are sent to regional quantum servers for safekeeping.

5012 AD An Attack by aliens from outer space is recorded. Numerous buildings and androids are destroyed, and some quantum servers are catastrophically damaged.

5155 AD Machine lifeforms created by these unidentified alien visitors launch an ark into space, resulting in a new divergence. An attempt is then made to sync up with servers from the past.

2021 AD Synchronization with past server is successful. As the original network was small and designed for personal use, expansion will be required. - Accord

First of all, quantum servers. Server. COUGH COUGH. Memory server. 

(Also, it’s mentioned that there is a quantum server in the Forest of Myth in another one of these… most likely being, Sleeping Beauty itself. Obvious.)

Anyways. 

Second of all… the ark launching causes a “divergence.” 

Not a branch, a divergence. There’s a difference between the two. 

It’s kind of hard to explain in words, but thankfully— the Complete Guide has a trusty visual aid. 

So the ark did breach off into separate timelines… and Accord doesn’t at all sound concerned.

In fact, she sounds like she fucking contributed to it. 

I might be totally tripping as I’m sure I’ve been this entire post but this all makes it sound like she herself was the one, or one of the ones, who recorded & stored all the records we see in Automata into the Ark. 

especially when you read what the other PC had to say.

2021 AD A certain manufacturer releases a high-spec personal computer. This model of PC, designed to receive perpetual updates via the network, is soon adopted across the globe.

2025 AD These PCs, now spread the world over, begin to link up and share data as part of a neural-networking experiment conducted by the manufacturer without the knowledge of its users.

2032 AD Large-scale data breaches and acts of cyberterrorism are carried out over the network, during which time information regarding Replicant technology is leaked. The experiment is soon halted, and the computers stop receiving updates.

3021 AD A thousand years after the experiment, consciousness data from these computers is detected on the network. The Collection and merging of this data is performed by the quantum server located in the Forest of Myth.

Hey, look. The times match up. 2021 AD, 2021 AD. 

But if we carry over the fact that this is all coming from Accord…

“These PCs, now spread the world over, begin to link up and share data as part of a neural-networking experiment conducted by the manufacturer without the knowledge of its users.”

Hm. 

Go back to Reincarnation. What did it say Accord’s purpose was?

This puppet’s goal

is to observe how humans live their lives. 

Maybe it’s just me. That’s a new one. 

One of the few things we’ve known about Accord, for sure, is her goal of recording singularities, branches, etc., all in order to prevent the collapse of all timelines. 

I don’t think we ever got “study human lives” in the equation. 

And so I thought. Maybe we did. Maybe I just looked over that answer, too. Maybe…

.

It was her original purpose? 

Okay. 

I’m sure one thing has been lingering in your head as you’ve read all this.

I’m gonna lead up to a big reveal that Accord is secretly a big bad evil, who is recording the world and beyond for the machines,and that we should watch out for her or some shit. 

I think the complete opposite.

Because while I said that she’s prohibited from ever interfering with events in a branch… which she is. 

Here’s the kicker.

She does it anyway. 

In ending D, Accord breaks that “rule” and runs in at the last second, ensuring that the flower would be sealed off in that branch. 

Why did she do this? Is she stupid? 

And the best answer we’re given is… firstly, Zero. 

Whatever feelings Zero made Accord feel while recording the events of Drakengard 3 were so strong that she went against that prohibition just to help her, even if it meant getting herself killed. 

And do you remember the “embarrassing secret” comment I brought up when discussing the information in the Complete Guide? How I concluded that that phrasing was likely coming from Accord’s own perspective? 

Perhaps she considers her identity as a “puppet from the old world” an “embarrassing secret”… because Accord isn’t affiliated with the machines anymore.

She’s been working against them. 

The most recent Reincarnation update as of this script revealed a shit ton of really, really important lore. 

The Cage is inside of a Seed. Humanity is planning on Reincarnating. 

But out of everything there’s one thing that I… genuinely did not see coming. It was probably the most obvious reveal out of everything, but still. 

After the Ark leaves, the machines who left on it begin assimilating everything. 

They start collecting data to an almost catastrophic degree, eradicating androids. Building a kingdom, taking over earth.

Not just earth— If I read it right, their goal is to completely dominate all timelines, all earths. That is, until a civil war between machines breaks out. 

And what occurs sometime after this is, presumably, NieR:Reincarnation. Inside of The Cage, a repurposed Seed of Destruction perhaps taken from the machines & used now to store the data of humanity so that they may one day resurrect. 

But here’s the real kicker. A seed taken from the machines? 

Yes. If I’m correct, the machines have access to the seeds. It could just be what is giving them the power to assimilate on such a catastrophic scale. 

And they’re bringing them across timelines… ah! You know what that sounds like? 

Exactly what I fucking said about the Ark. Shit’s clicking. I think. I could totally be wrong about this and if I am my bad. 

But let’s go back, back to Accord. Samurai Jaccord. Or something idk

When I brought up the two biggest questions regarding her mere existence, I skipped over one. 

“How does she time travel?” 

And the question always kind of nagged at me. It felt like an obvious answer but it just… wasn’t. 

Until I asked a different question. How does she copy herself? 

It’s brought up time and time again that there is no given answer as to how Accord just has so many… identical copies of herself. 

And while it would lead me to just believe she’s a line of machines, I… no. Because that’s not what it sounds like at all. 

It always just reads as though the original Accord found a way to copy herself on her own.

Copying herself… copy, copy… wait. We’ve seen something that copies. We’ve seen something capable of storing data. We’ve seen something capable of traveling across worlds. 

And just like that, I found my answer. She uses the Seeds to time travel and copy herself.

And how might she have initially gotten her hands on one of these seeds?

Well… perhaps, the machines. Whom she was very likely affiliated with, before this war.

She collected the data from humanity and stored it in the ark. Surely it wouldn’t be so hard for Accord to snatch it all back and put it into the Cage, right? 

After all… she’s said to come from the old world. Perhaps whatever was the first iteration of the Ark breaching… is the “Old World.” It’s said the machines built a kingdom. 

And at the end of this update, we see Pod fly towards a city in white. 

And do you know what this city fucking looks like? Guess. Just. Fucking. Guess. 

IT’S FUCKING CATHEDRAL CITY. 

It’s a time loop. It’s a time loop, and it’s not a new time loop— it’s been a time loop. And who the hell knows how long this shit has been going on. 

The Complete Guide mentioned that one specific entity was causing altercations to the “flow of time”— Accord! And no, that’s not a theory— the book legitimately states that Accord is causing changes in time itself.

Hell, if we’re going with the possibility that Accord uses the Seeds in some way to traverse time and space, perhaps she copies herself for every time she does it. For every jump in time, she’s replicated. 

And given the ending of Drakengard 3… Girl’s been going at it for a while.

A couple more things I’d like to bring up before we reach the “conclusive statement” of this post. 

I say Accord is a machine… what do I mean by that? Earlier I compared her appearance to Adam, does this mean I think Accord is moreso akin to him & Eve? 

No. Because like I also pointed out earlier, Accord isn’t organic like we see they are. She doesn’t bleed. Not even when Zero drives that sword straight through her abdomen in order to kill One. One bleeds, a fucking lot, nothing from Accord. I’m gonna quit talking about fictional characters bleeding. Anyways. 

No, I think it’s more likely that she’s closer to something like 2P and the P(uppet) units I mentioned earlier, or just… any regular machine. 

Secondly, let’s go back to Utahime Five. She’s only in it for like, what, a panel? But I feel as though this singular panel says a lot.

First of all, the Mercurius Gate is what “holds the knowledge of the world” in Drakengard 3. Accord is its “receptionist”, as we see, and she noticeably looks “younger” here. As young as, you know, a machine CAN be.

And if we take into consideration the Copied City’s connection to the Cathedral City, and perhaps now the Ark’s connection to the Mercurius Gate, it would make sense as to why Accord here is its receptionist. 

Perhaps this was her original function. A puppet who observes how humans live their lives, storing that data & then serving as its receptionist. Which would give her such an easy out to snatch some of that data back when the time came. 

But there’s another thing. How come she looks so much younger here? She’s a machine, I don’t think machines age like… people do? Unless there’s like… Robots 2005 logic you can apply here… 

which I doubt. I don’t know the answer to this one. And I don’t wanna just spew more bullshit I’ll probably be pulling out of my asshole. Continuing. 

Thirdly. What about in Automata? If Accord’s… you know… giving out weapons to the Resistance, as told to us in this line:

“Oh, the lady who owns the place sends ‘em over every once in a while. Her name’s Accord, and she’s the proprietor of this here business. I just tend to customers and keep all the repair devices humming. I only see her every few years, to be honest. She mostly just uses delivery drones to drop things off. I don’t know where she gets this stuff, but most if it’s in pretty good condition! Say, if you ever happen to run into her, say hello for me, all right?”

how could she be affiliated with the machines? 

Well. Like I said, the most likely answer to the time loop is that we aren’t seeing its first go-through. It’s been happening, and there are already a possible infinite amount of Accords in the… whatever zone. 

I wanna focus on two lines here. 

“I only see her every few years, to be honest. She mostly just uses delivery drones to drop things off.”

Her using delivery drones is… interesting. It makes sense. I imagine that in timelines that are, at least in certain ways, “going strong” she wants to minimize her interactions with the world to as limited as possible. 

Meanwhile in Drakengard 3, as shit was going to shit, Accord was just outright toying with Zero until eventually intervening during the fight with One. 

(Why she then was then showing things in her bag to Yonah I… don’t really know.)

Fourthly. 

Group B. 

From Sinoalice:

August 2 The origins of Group B is still largely unknown. It is believed they come from an undiscovered branch. I suspect the reason why they remained unnoticed for so long is because they have set up Recorders near Singularities to keep us away from them.

March 12 The last time there was a Cataclysm, it gave rise to a large number of Group B. They even have weaponry capable of countering our aerial weapons… things are getting out of hand. We’ve managed to keep them at bay so far, but if this situation continues, we will be completely overpowered.

June 5 It seems that we Recorder models, will need to adapt. The development of replaceable armament parts is progressing, but more investment is needed. Weapons distribution needs to be increased to facilitate memory recollection. There is lot of work to do.

August 8 The previous Recorder was destroyed by Group B. Since there is a possibility that it was captured, I’ll have to request assistance from the Association.

This Group B is something I didn’t really touch on ever due to having literally no fucking clue what it could be, but recently it was brought up again in the anime, so I’m bringing it up now. Because I think I might have an idea. 

The first bolded line. “I suspect the reason why they remained unnoticed for so long is because they have set up Recorders near Singularities to keep us away from them.” 

I think that Group B, in some way or another… is Accord. At least, variants of her that are more malicious.

Variants of her that are… still affiliated with the machines? Time is most likely all happening at once, in separate universes/timelines, and therefore while one group of accords are on our side, the other still is with the machines, from the “past.” I sound like a fucking flatlining heart rate monitor I’m so sorry. 

Anyways… shit. You know what just clicked? Everything in this makes sense. 

Do you remember Michael’s novella, when he and the other dragons were battling “puppets”/“insects”? 

That was Group B. It had to have been, given that we know there is some weird kind of connection between the dragons of Drakengard and the Dragons from the “Kingdom of Night”, and that these dragons in the kingdom were deployed to fight against machines and aliens inside the kingdom. 

And wanna know something? It’s parroted information, but the first of the Dragon machines and Accord were created around the same time, same area. But no matter how hard I try and convince myself otherwise, everything points to these two entities having not been originally created by the same entity.

And guess the fuck what? I’m not even theorizing about Accord being both group A and B, I’m just rewording actual canon. 

In Sinoalice, there are two characters, these two:

That Accord is said to be the “ancestor” of. Fucking.   They’re puppets. They are puppets with red eyes. And they’re fucked up little assholes.

And not only, but these two characters are also “mutated variants” of, what? Group B. Two characters are descendants of Accord & simultaneously variants of Group B, what conclusion does that leave? Accord and Group B are connected. Accord is Group A, the Accords still with the machines are Group B, Group A and Group B are both Accords. Circle A on your SpongeBob SquarePants punnet square worksheet and meet me after class

Going off of this, it’s said that Group B also has the capability to change forms based off parts they assimilate from other entities. And… hm. Hm!

If we apply that this same power hasn’t changed for Group A, then we just answered two questions regarding Accord. 

First thing. How I mentioned that she looks younger in Utahime Five compared to her appearances in everything else. If she has the ability to change forms due to whatever she “assimilates”, then that explains why she looks slightly older now.

(Could also possibly explain the existence of male accords too, like in the stage play? I don’t know bro…….. I’m deep but not that deep)

Secondly. Ancestors… ancestor… hm…

Could she be. Um. 

Could Accord have been the first “android-like” machine? And it’s because of this that she’s not as “advanced” as the ones we see, like Adam and Eve who are all but virtually organic beings? 

Perhaps that’s why Adam resembles her so fiercely. And fuck, I just realized— it’s not just Adam. It’s N2. 

And this time I promise I’m not just talking about black hair and pronouns. 

I’m talking about narrative framing. 

They’re basically inverses of each other. One’s trying to resurrect humanity while the other is actively pushing for its decimation on a dimensional scale. 

Actively pushing back against one another. Constantly observing. Constantly… watching. And both possibly created by entities who once did the same.

Fifthly. And at last, finally. 

What does Accord have to do with the Cage? 

Well. It’s something very, very interesting. 

The Cage, formerly situated on the moon before… for some reason… being found on Earth, is what’s keeping humanity alive. 

At least, their data. Their data from all timelines, if I recall. And from cameos we are given little breadcrumbs that tell us Accord is very likely its creator.

And this Cage, inside of a seed, is revealed to be what is intended to bring humanity back— to resurrect them. 

If this seed, this Cage, is destroyed— everything is destroyed. Humanity dies.

I fully believe that this event, the destruction of the cage— if it happens, this will be the Fall-Down. The destruction of all timelines. The destruction of humanity. 

And think about all the characters we see from the games in Reincarnation. 2B, A2, 9S. Nier, Kaine, Emil. Even fucking Zero herself.

It’s all their data. It’s not them, per se— just their data. Why’s Joker Persona 5 there? Ummmmmm shhhhhhhhhh 🤫 🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫

And you know what? I think I just solved another question I’ve had for ages. 

We know who took Angelus’ body. 

During the legion war, Angelus’ body is stolen from where it’s being kept and we just… genuinely do not know where the fuck it went. At all. Not a fucking clue. 

But do you know what I’m wondering now? Maybe Accord took it, and she’s in the cage. Because look at THIS. FUCKING. SCENE. 

While Yuzuki and Hina are going through this weird “gallery” of paintings (WHY IS IT ALWAYS FUCKING PAINTINGS BY THE WAY. maybe accord & adam were in the same art class), a FUCKING DRAGON FLIES OUT OF NOWHERE, GOES INTO THE PAINTING, AND DIES. Obviously it’s just a reference to the only thing in Drakengard 1 that ever gets referenced— but we’re already so fucking deep I can’t see shit. I’m going with it. 

And finally… finally, finally… I think I have everything. And if I’ve just confused the fuck out of you all for the last 7000+ words, allow me to attempt to amend that with my concluding…. bullet points

•The Ark the machines use to traverse time & space is a Seed of Destruction, in some shape or form, which we’ve seen them possess before. Seeds can also be used to store memories & “data”.

•The “light” frequently referenced throughout the series is most likely in reference to The Great Time. 

•The Aliens of Automata are most likely connected to the Watchers of Drakengard in some genetic way. 

•Accord is a machine, who stole data from humanity without their knowledge for the machines’ server.

•She later rebelled when their assimilation began and created the Cage.

•Accord uses the Seed(s) to copy herself & possibly time travel as well. 

•The humans of Midgard were always right; there is an Egg of Resurrection. 

And. That’s. EVERYTHING. 

Shit. Sorry if this all kind of fell apart near the end, this took waaaay too long to finish up and every time I got close new shit got revealed that I could add. YAY.

But anyways. Hope you guys liked my nonsense, and until next time,

Hold on.

I just realized something. 

…I think I was wrong. 

Like, completely wrong, about something. One thing. Completely wrong about one, small thing. 

Accord… isn’t the only character we see in these games that can travel across time and space.

…So does Caim.

At the end of Drakengard 1, ending E, he and Angelus send themselves and the Mother Angel (Queen Beast) across time into modern day Tokyo. This event is what would cause the NieR timeline to kickstart at all, bringing the origin of MASO as well as…

.

This event is what… caused NieR to occur. 

This… event… caused… NieR. 

This event caused NieR Replicant, which caused NieR Automata, in which the Ark was formed, in which the first Accord was created, in which assimilation began and kickstarted the time loop. 

And the real kicker? Remember when I brought up “Singularities”? Entities with the capabilities to cause branches and alter timelines. The ones that we know of include Zero, Two, and recently, Kaine— 

but with information given by Drakengard 3’s Complete Guide, we were given three more. These being, 

Nier, 

Nowe,

And CAIM. 

It’s confirmed. Thank fuck, by the way— one of the biggest portions of the original twin theory was me trying to prove that he was a Singularity at all, but little did I know the truth was right under my nose. Waiting. For ten years. I’m the smartest bitch on planet earth 

But there’s something… off, I feel. 

In every instance of a singularity taking effect that we’ve gotten to see they always stay on the same… I guess, “Earth.” The branch changes, I guess, but the earth really doesn’t.

I’m saying this, because

Caim branches into an entirely different world, and he brings the two beings that shall end yet another humanity with it.

I’d bet the Gods were sure happy about that. More humans to…

?

I’d bet the Gods were sure happy about that. 

What? Hang on. 

Look at that. 

These birds show up right before the Queen Beast falls into Tokyo. Birds have always been common imagery in these games, usually for symbolic purposes. 

But every time Drakengard 1 uses this kind of imagery it’s… weird. The birds are weird.

Especially inverse of this, the very beginning of the game:

It’s in the opening cutscene of Drakengard 1. Furiae says, “It begins.” 

(What begins? What does she already know…?)

And after a fade to white, we cut to a bird circling in the sky over the battlefield Caim is currently in. The very same one where he will be fatally wounded, forcing him to forge a pact with Angelus, the beginning of the end. 

It always struck me as odd as to why this shot was included. Why include such seemingly meaningless imagery as… you know, a bird flying. Like a bird can do. 

Well, that’s the thing with Drakengard 1. It’s by far the entry in this series with the heaviest religious imagery and theming.

And thus, with that in mind…

I looked it up. 

What is the significance of a bird circling in the sky?

Oh. 

So… It’s an Omen. 

It’s an Omen. 

A bird circling in the sky is considered an omen in certain religions.

A bird circling in the sky is considered an omen that God is either sending a message from beyond, or is watching over you. 

God is watching over you.

God is watching you. 

(watching me, watching you)

Hm. Hm! In the context of this series, that’s kind of…

interesting.

#MY BULLSHIT INACCURATE TEDIOUS AWFUL STUPID FUCKING THEORY IS BACK ON THE MENU #nier #drakengard #drakenier #square enix #yoko taro #drakengard 3 #drag on dragoon #dod #nier replicant #nier automata #nier reincarnation #twin theory #drakenier twin theory

[kpopfanfictrash]

Love to Hate (Extra Scene I: Jungkook’s POV)

Author: kpopfanfictrash

Genre: Fuck Buddies / Enemies to Lovers

Pairing: Jungkook / Reader

Synopsis: Born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you've done your best to rid yourself of the taste since you were old enough to walk. Occasionally though, your mother manages to rope you into an obligatory function – or a blind date with playboy billionaire, Jeon Jungkook. Jungkook stands for everything you loathe about the world you left behind, but you can’t deny the spark of attraction between you. Intrigued by the promise of mutual satisfaction, you agree to one night in bed… and quickly realize you’re in far, far deeper than you ever intended.

Author’s Note: This scene takes place during Chapter 1 of Love to Hate and is told from Jungkook’s point of view. PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE STORY BEFORE READING THIS SCENE (otherwise there will be spoilers lol). 

Rating: 18+

Warnings: brief mention of past suicidal thoughts

Word Count:  7,393

Contrary to public opinion, Jeon Jungkook is rarely late.

In fact, he arrived at his best friend, Yoongi’s, restaurant a half hour early to hover in the kitchen and taste-test (read: steal) Yoongi’s latest creations. Eventually, Jungkook was thrown out on pain of death and now, here he is. Seated at a table in the center of Chez Moi, Chez Toi, five minutes early for his date – stomach equal parts dread and hors d’oeuvres.

Casual, Jungkook shakes his napkin over his lap – black, matching his suit. Attention to detail is one of the many areas in which Yoongi excels. There’s a reason the man has a Michelin Star.

Detail happens to be a strength of Jungkook’s, as well.

Attention to detail. Punctuality. A certain kind of ruthlessness necessary for business. All three learned from his father who, while a terrible husband and parent, can’t be denied a savvy businessman. Jungkook learned from the best.

Hiding the twist of his mouth, Jungkook adjusts a cuff beneath the table. Despite his overall apathy for tonight’s date, Jungkook dressed in his favorite suit. Another lesson from his father: never underestimate the currency of appearance.

Scanning the restaurant, Jungkook observes how true this is. The woman in the corner is here with a man who’s clearly not her husband; her covert glances and tapping foot are dead giveaways. Beside them, a besotted man is about to propose – he keeps looking at the kitchen, grazing his pocket to ensure the ring is there.

This rule also holds true for Jungkook. When he agreed to his father’s terms, Jungkook had no idea things would go this far, nor that he’d still be the topic of headlines years later. Leaning back in his seat, Jungkook ensures his mask of disinterest remains.

He was twenty-one when he made the deal with his father.

Hardly old enough to be making decisions and yet, Jungkook was desperate to get his mother out from beneath her husband’s thumb. She hadn’t felt well for some time, and Jungkook’s father refused treatment for one excuse or another. Hot-headed and young, Jungkook entered his father’s office and demanded a deal – whatever his father wanted in exchange for his mother’s freedom.

Jungkook remembers that night with perfect clarity, the same way he recalls all life-changing events. Leaning back, a slow smile spread across his father’s face and Jungkook’s own stomach sank, realizing he’d been played.

Complicity, his father said. Obedience. An heir for the company.

His office was dark; Jungkook’s father often worked late or at least, said that he did. The skyline shone through floor-to-ceiling glass, perforating them from the city below. Always, his father seated himself behind glass. Jungkook couldn’t remember a time when it’d been any other way.

Staring at his father, Jungkook solemnly realized this was his future. A life behind glass, placed on the path he tried hard to avoid – the cost of his mother’s freedom, he realized then, was his own. Still, Jungkook did what he needed to do, and he nodded.

Turning to leave, Jungkook was almost at the door when his father spoke again.

“Another thing,” he said casually. “Before you take over the company as CEO, I’ll need you to assist with some… PR concerns.”

Jungkook paused, one hand on the door before glancing sideways. “What sort of issues?”

With a shrug, his father poured whiskey from a tumbler at his desk. Jungkook’s gaze followed the motion. “This and that,” he said. “I’ll let you know details when I have them.”

Jungkook stared as the glass filled, consumed by a sense of foreboding. He should have inquired further, but that night, his instinct of flight won. By then, Jungkook knew well enough to leave before his father got drunk.

“Fine,” he exhaled as he turned. “But in return, you pay for mom’s doctor visits and any resulting treatment. And an apartment,” he added on a whim. “One for her, and one for me – apartments you won’t have access to and won’t visit.”

His father’s gaze narrowed, but Jungkook swore a slight flash of approval shone within.

“Very well.” His father inclined his head. “We have a deal, son.”

Fighting back laughter, Jungkook opened the door. “Don’t call me that,” he said before walking out.

More than six years ago and still, Jungkook is paying the piper. Things happened fast after that. He soon realized what his father meant by ‘PR issues.’ Jungkook’s father was, indeed, a shrewd businessman. He inherited the company in a state of near-bankruptcy and managed to turn things around in a matter of years. This was accomplished by investing in areas no one else dared touch. Through risky investments and forging back door deals with dubious suppliers.

Each time a new disaster came to light, Jungkook took the fall – in one way or another. For a while, Jungkook embraced it.

It was the only recourse he had. To lose himself in the physical pleasure his life forced upon him. His early twenties were a blur of work, women, and alcohol. His friend, Taehyung – locked in a similar situation – was at his side, drowning in self-pity. For a while, Jungkook thought this was how he would live and eventually, die.

And then, his mom passed away.

Another crystal-clear night in Jungkook’s mind. The scent of her hospital room is with him even now – white lilies on the table, lemon disinfectant, plastic furniture, and the lingering smell of her sweat and his tears. Another nighttime memory, the lights from the parking lot striping the room black and white. His mom’s hand squeezed his, pulling him close for her last words. Words when she begged Jungkook to stop living for other people.

She died soon after and, in the blurred weeks that followed, Jungkook could barely force himself to get dressed, let alone make a change. When he finally managed to shower, he recalls standing on his balcony overlooking the city. Jungkook’s depression wasn’t bad enough to consider the jump, but he stared at the buildings and considered his life.

He thought about everything he’d given up – happiness, love, family, a career that he chose. Friendship, too because despite having Yoongi and Taehyung, Jungkook hadn’t told them everything. They suspected about Jungkook’s arrangement with his father, but each time they inquired, he pushed them away. They knew about Liam, but not the disaster which followed.

Lips tight, Jungkook realized that, for all his accomplishments, his mother was right. Everything he’d done was for someone else and God, did Jungkook want to change that. Turning around, he went inside and promptly dumped his whiskey down the drain.

Jungkook often divides his life into three parts. Pre and post the PR deal with his father and then, a third segment after his mom died. In the two years since, Jungkook has done his best to live up to her memory. He decided he wanted to stay with Jeon Energy but not as it is.

Enlisting the help of similar minded individuals (Kim Namjoon in particular), Jungkook sat down and created a plan. A slow-moving plan, which – if it doesn’t destroy him – will lead to success, and the removal of his father from the company entirely.

Exhaling roughly, Jungkook smooths his expression. The plan is why Jungkook doesn’t have time for things as trivial as dating, but his aunt insisted. If Jungkook has any moral compass, it’s her and so, he couldn’t help but agree.

Although Jungkook has tried to reverse his image, the process has been akin to wading through quicksand. Especially since the bad press doesn’t stop until Jungkook becomes the CEO. The Board votes on his father’s successor at the end of next month, meaning all Jungkook’s energy should be focused on that and not –

You enter the room, and his cacophony of thoughts goes silent.

Jungkook recognizes you, having thoroughly researched before tonight. Another habit from his father: always know more about your opponent than they know about you. Perhaps most wouldn’t apply rules from the boardroom to bedroom, but most people aren’t a Jeon. Thinking fast, Jungkook recalls the dossier on top of his desk.

Y/N Y/L/N. 29 years old. Estranged from family excepting brother, Jason. Lives alone in an apartment of little value. Scratch that – lives without roommates, but with one dog. Founder and CEO of Clean Ocean, an organization dedicated to the earth’s natural waterways. Outspoken critic of Jeon Energy.

Although his assistant showed him your Instagram, none of the photos of you were clear. Most were of scenery or of your dog, the occasional group shot with friends. Up close, Jungkook can’t help but feel misguided because you’re –

Stunning. The thought occurs before he knows what to do with it and Jungkook watches, baffled as you lean across the hostess stand. Everyone watching – which is nearly the entire room, Jungkook realizes with a sharp stab of jealousy – is afforded a stellar view down your dress.

Abruptly, Jungkook pushes himself to stand. In his haste, he bangs his knee on the table, knocking over his water and spilling across the cloth.

“Shit,” he exhales, frantically trying to scoop up the water when a waiter appears.

“I’ll clean that up, sir,” he says, calmly removing Jungkook’s glass and blotting the fabric. “I’ll be along shortly with a new water.”

“I – thank you,” Jungkook exhales, forcing himself to sit.

Face heated, he scans the room for you again. No one seems to have noticed Jungkook’s lapse, which is good. Instead, all eyes fixate on you, scanning the tables before landing on Jungkook.

Jungkook watches you drink him in. You blink, slow and long and Jungkook’s heart races. But then – smile disappearing, your lips pinch as you turn away. Before Jungkook can register the sudden change, you’re crossing the room with all the enthusiasm of a funeral march.

Forcing himself to look away, Jungkook exhales. The fact that you’re attractive changes nothing. Based on your expression, you feel the same way about this date as Jungkook. Admittedly, Jungkook can’t help but be curious about why that is.

He isn’t trying to be arrogant, but most people enjoy what they see when they look at him. Jungkook doesn’t date, but he does take women out. To dinner and then back to his place for a single night of fun. Occasionally, multiple nights if the person doesn’t cling but overall, Jungkook isn’t a relationship guy. Hard not to be, with his father’s deal hanging over his head.

Your reasons for being unhappy about tonight are less clear.

Coming to a stop at the table, your gaze dips to Jungkook and he can’t help but feel he hasn’t measured up. “Hi,” you say politely. “I’m Y/N – your date?”

You phrase this as a question, as though Jungkook wouldn’t know, and he can’t help but stare. Wondering if this is some sort of strategy, Jungkook narrows his gaze, but you seem genuinely unsure.

Realizing he still hasn’t spoken, Jungkook shoves back his chair to stand. “Yes – hello,” he says, moving to pull out your chair. “I’m Jungkook, but you seem to already know that.”

Ducking your head, you avoid a response. Once seated, Jungkook pushes you forward, his fingertips brushing skin at the base of your neck. Goosebumps dot your skin as Jungkook pauses, taken aback by his own reaction.

Your skin is soft, smooth, and this close, he can smell whatever perfume you decided to wear. A hint of citrus undercut by deeper musk which makes his jaw clench.

Forcing himself to keep going, Jungkook crosses to his chair and sits as the waiter returns. “Thank you,” Jungkook says, accepting a fresh glass of water.

Nodding, their waiter folds both hands over the front of their uniform. “Can I bring you any drinks before dinner?”

“A glass of Moët,” Jungkook says, not bothering to look.

“I’ll have the same,” you say, closing your menu.

Jungkook watches you turn to face him, head-on. The waiter disappears, leaving him alone and for the first time in his life, Jungkook is at a loss for what to say. Well, maybe not the first time, but it’s been a while.

Usually, Jungkook knows what to expect from his semi-date. His reputation tends to precede him in certain circles. A date with Jungkook means three things: 1) that he’ll pay, 2) that the night will likely end in sex, and 3) that the woman is guaranteed at least one orgasm. It’s Jungkook’s way of blowing off steam but faced with you, he finds himself unsure. With this date being set up by his aunt, it’s highly unlikely you know the rules.

Casting about for small talk typically reserved for business meetings, Jungkook lands on the weather. “So,” he says, reaching for his water. “It’s been unusually warm this month.”

Whatever you expected, it wasn’t that. Face scrunched, you look down, scanning the menu as though its contents are fascinating.

“It has,” you agree, declining to add anything of substance.

Jungkook blinks, floundering for what to say. It’d help if your dress were less distracting, he decides. The velvet is so soft, it’s impossible not to think about how it’d feel beneath his palms. A single diamond hangs around your neck, practically drawing an arrow to your delectable cleavage.

Forcing himself not to stare, Jungkook takes a sip of water. He can’t allow his most recent thoughts to show on his face – barely ten minutes have passed, and good etiquette decrees this meal lasts at least ninety.

“I hope traffic wasn’t bad getting here,” Jungkook says, wondering if you drove yourself.

From what was provided by his assistant, Jungkook knows you’ve separated from your family in all but name. Jungkook wondered when he saw this, interested in what perks – if any – you were allowed to keep. He wondered other things, too – like how you broke free and why. Whether you’ve any attachment to either parent or, like Taehyung, despise mother and father equally.

“Not bad,” you murmur, staring hard at your menu. “I came straight from work.”

Jungkook waits for something more, but it never comes. Incredulous, he sits back in his seat. He wonders if you plan on responding like this the entire evening, or if there’ll be a respite at some point. If you’re obtuse for ninety minutes, it’d be one of the longest dinners of Jungkook’s life.

Or, he realizes, awareness prickling, that could be your goal. To bore Jungkook so greatly, he loses interest and leaves before the polite amount of time. It’d be well-played if that were.

Gaze narrow, Jungkook surveys you again. From what he knows, you’re not exactly shy. Yes, you stay on the fringes of ‘good’ society but it’s by choice rather than lack of ability. For some odd reason, it bothers him that you refuse to give him the time of day. That you’ve clearly lumped Jungkook with everyone else in polite company – even if he hasn’t said or done anything to change that, whispers a voice in the back of his mind.

An irrational desire to provoke has Jungkook leaning forward. “So, Y/N,” he says as their champagne arrives. “Do you have any hobbies?”

“I enjoy reading.”

“Oh, really?” Jungkook sits back, trailing his finger over the rim of his glass. “What do you read?”

“A lot of things.” A shrug. “I’m not picky.”

“I can’t say the same,” he says blithely. “I find it often takes something… extraordinary to spark my interest.”

“How nice for you,” you say flatly, the first sign of your annoyance peering through.

Jungkook bites his lip to keep from laughing. Eyes narrowed, you watch him from across the table. Odd – part of the heat to your gaze must be ire, but it’s not alone. Curious, Jungkook’s gaze drops to your collarbone as recalls the sensation when his hand brushed your skin.

There was something there when you touched; something magnetic and strong. Despite it, you don’t seem to like Jungkook, which honestly might be part of the draw. He’s never been able to turn down a challenge and can’t remember the last time someone spoke to him honestly.

For the following minutes, Jungkook carries the conversation and watches your annoyance grow. Fingers tightening on the stem of your glass, the furrow between your brows growing deeper and deeper. Despite the tells, you conceal your true feelings well. If Jungkook weren’t as adept himself, he might even be fooled.

It isn’t the only reason Jungkook finds himself staring. The more your annoyance with him grows, the more impossible it becomes to look away. Lips bitten and heat to your gaze, he can’t not stare – Jungkook challenges any willing man with blood in his body.

“What about you?” he asks. “Any upcoming vacation plans?”

Something inside you snaps. Jungkook sees it in the way you straighten, all trace of politeness vanishing in an instant. Setting down your glass, you take a moment to arrange your napkin before looking up.

Dismissive, you sweep him from head to toe. “No,” you say, reaching for the champagne. “No vacations planned.”

Jungkook watches another moment, mesmerized before looking down. Rather than feel victorious, he feels more like the vanquished. Giving himself a firm shake, Jungkook wonders what he’s doing.

It’s been several weeks since he had sex, which must be throwing him off. Jungkook doesn’t usually go this long in a dry spell, but work has been demanding. It must be why he’s responding to you so strangely.

What Jungkook needs is to get laid. Once he leaves this restaurant, he decides to call Taehyung and head to a club. He can find someone there to whet his appetite. Someone he can sleep with and not imagine your lips, your hands, your –

“Have you both had a chance to peruse the menu?”

Jerking upright, Jungkook nearly knocks over his water a second time. Catching your glance, Jungkook puts down his menu.

“Yes, I’m ready,” you say pleasantly.

“Same here.” Jungkook turns. “I’ll have the steak au poivre. And you, Y/N?”

Handing your menu to the waiter, you add, “Coq au Vin for me. Thank you.”

“And another two glasses of Moet,” he adds, only to wince. You don’t seem like the type who appreciates someone ordering for you. “Is that alright, Y/N?”

Startled, you meet his gaze and Jungkook forces himself not to look away. Eventually, you nod and resume toying with the thin stem of your glass.

Jungkook tries not to watch, tries not to imagine your hands anywhere else on his body. “So, Y/N,” he says, dragging his thoughts from the gutter. “What line of work are you in?”

Exhaling once, you sip your champagne and try not to look bored. “Oh, you know. My parents are in the shipping industry. Lots of international work, travel –”

Jungkook frowns. “So, you work for your parents?”

Abruptly, you cease.

Surprise flickers across your face, as though you didn’t expect him to be listening, but Jungkook is understandably confused. Everything he knows about you indicates you run a charitable organization. He doesn’t understand why you’d lie; not unless his information was incorrect.

“No,” you say coolly.

Jungkook’s frown deepens. “Why would you tell me what your parents do, and not you?”

A vein pulses at your throat. Although you seem annoyed by his line of questioning, Jungkook isn’t trying to provoke you anymore.  It baffles him that someone like you – someone who got out, who made something of themselves – would fall back on their parents’ accomplishments. Surely, you care more about Clean Ocean than your parents’ company.

Unless Jungkook is the problem here.

Unease settles, spreading through his veins. Jungkook is the Jeon heir, after all – set to inherit Jeon Energy, the worst polluter up and down the coast. Really, the question isn’t why you don’t like him but why you came at all.

“Honestly?” you sigh, your mask of politeness disappearing. “Because I’m on this date as a favor to my parents and have absolutely no desire to see you after tonight. The less you know about me, the better.”

Your admission leaves Jungkook slightly winded. Doing a parent a favor hits closer to home than he’d like and now, he understands your evasiveness. He gets why you’re here and why you might not want to give Jungkook the time of day.

His thoughts snag on the last sentence. Even if you left right now, Jungkook would still know you. He’s not sure why you’re acting as though you’re mysterious when in certain circles, you’re more notorious than he is.

“Oh, don’t look all hurt,” you sigh, misinterpreting the look. “I know exactly who you are, Jeon Jungkook. Playing dumb is beneath you.”

Well, that answers one question, at least. You do know who he is. Forcing a smile, Jungkook sits back in his seat.

“I’m not hurt,” he says honestly. “Although I am curious. What, exactly, have you heard about me, Y/N?”

He purposefully drops his voice on your name, and watches your features slacken. Interesting. This thing between you tautens, as alive as before.

“I’ve… heard you date around,” you exhale. “And I’m not interested in dating you.”

Jungkook stares. If you’d said you weren’t interested in going to the moon, he’d be less surprised. Jungkook doesn’t date – most people know that. And most people try to date him anyway, which makes you an anomaly.

Maybe now he is arrogant, but Jungkook isn’t used to being undesired. Unable to help it, he smiles, gaze dipping to your dress and back up when you frown.

“You’re not interested in dating me?” he asks, taking another sip of his drink. “Then, why did you agree to come out tonight?”

“Like I said, I’m here as a favor to my mother. Why are you here, anyways?” you accuse, turning his question around. “I don’t exactly fit your typical profile of dates.”

Jungkook frowns. You’re gorgeous, ambitious and have successfully undercut him at each turn tonight. If he were going to date, it’d be someone like you – not that he wants to date, and not that he has the option to do so.

“How so?” Jungkook asks.

“Well, for one,” you mutter, “I’m nearly thirty.”

Jungkook stares. “And?”

“And…” You pause, as though waiting for him to catch on. “The women you date are usually closer to twenty.”

Lips twitching, Jungkook sips his drink again. He could refute that point but right now, it satisfies to know you’re thinking about his sexual partners. Yes, Jungkook slept with women in their early twenties when he was in his early twenties but lately, anyone younger than twenty-five makes him cringe.

“Untrue,” he says. “I’m incredibly open-minded, Y/N.”

“I’m two years older than you are, Jeon.”

Odd. Usually, Jungkook hates being called by his last name. Yet another reminder of the family legacy but on your lips, it almost sounds like an endearment.

“In my experiences,” he says lowly, “women who’ve had more time to… live is never a bad thing.”

He pauses at the word live, making sure you know another word should be there. Understanding dawns on your face as, exhaling softly, you look away.

“And then there’s that,” you say, turning back. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but your dates usually end in sex.”

Jungkook is wholly unprepared for the way his body responds.

All the blood in his body rushes to his cock, tightening his trousers in an unseemly fashion. Casually, Jungkook adjusts himself and tries not to think about sex with you. Your indecent dress on his floor, necklace swinging as he pounds –

“And?” Jungkook rasps, his voice embarrassingly hoarse.

“And.” Your brows draw together. “I just told you I’m not interested in having sex.”

“Actually,” Jungkook says, recovering the conversation. “That’s not what you said.”

“I – what?”

Your lips part in confusion and Jungkook suppresses the urge to press his thumb to their indent. Instead, he brushes the back of your hand with his own. Gaze lowering to your skin against his, your breath quickens.

A flash goes off.

Instantly, you stiffen and Jungkook whips around. Withdrawing, he scans the room for the culprit and notes a family celebrating a birthday in the corner. Likely they’re the source but just in case, Jungkook makes a mental note to email his assistant.

Turning around, Jungkook meets your gaze. “What you said,” he continues, “was you’re not interested in dating me. And that you have no interest in seeing me after tonight. Nothing,” he pauses, gaze searching, “about not wanting to have sex.”

At this, your eyes widen. Jungkook waits for you to respond, to say that’s not what you meant but you do neither of these things.

“Are you saying you’re not interested in having sex with me?” he presses, quiet.

Gaze wide, your lips part to respond when the waiter appears. Sinking into his seat, Jungkook curses the timing and sips his champagne.

“Objectively, yes,” you say once the waiter leaves the Moët. “I’m attracted to you. I’m sure the sex would be great – or at least, it’d be adequate. In my experience, male self-confidence is rarely correlated with an orgasm. But I’d sooner drink battery acid than date anyone my mother set me up with.”

This last line is so deadpan, Jungkook nearly spits his drink. “Okay, wow,” he chokes, setting down his glass. “First off, there’s that word ‘date’ again. Second – only adequate?” Jungkook mock frowns. “On behalf of hot men everywhere, I take that personally.”

You don’t pretend to hide your eye roll. “Are you serious?”

“Occasionally.” Jungkook grins. “Usually on accident.”

“You didn’t answer my question, though,” you say as though he hasn’t spoken. “Why did you come here tonight?”

Drumming his fingers on top of the table, Jungkook considers. Usually, he’d respond with some lame answer like, I heard how beautiful you were and had to see for myself, or, how could I be anywhere else tonight? If he said those things to you though, Jungkook gets the feeling you’d dump the champagne in his lap.

Besides, Jungkook doesn’t really want to use lines with you. He’s full of the strange urge to be honest– which is why it infuriates him that you’re pretending to be no one. You’re someone. You’re Y/N Y/L/N, for crying out loud.

A woman who’s gotten deeper under Jungkook’s skin in an hour than anyone has in years.

“Do you seriously think I don’t know who you are, Y/N?” he asks, his voice low. “Your parents own the largest shipping corporation in the world. You’ve been estranged for years, and have a younger brother named Jason. Currently, you run a philanthropic organization. Thing is, though,” he says, the words pouring out. “Where’d you get the money to start it?”

Your eyes narrow, and Jungkook realizes he may have pushed too far. “My organization came from my trust fund,” you say stiffly. “Having built it from scratch, I know exactly how it began. What have you ever done that didn’t include your family name, Jeon?”

This time when you say the name Jeon, it sounds like an insult.

A lone muscle ticks in his jaw, wanting badly to contradict but unable to do so. Not without trusting you and frankly, trust in his world isn’t easy to come by. Everything he and Namjoon have worked for relies on the element of surprise. If his father suspects for a second what Jungkook has planned, he’ll never let him become CEO.

“I know what my reputation is, Y/N,” Jungkook says quietly. “And I know you think you know what my reputation is. But did you ever stop to think maybe not everyone is as forthcoming as you are?”

You pause. “What?”

“Nothing.” He roughly exhales. “So. Back to sex.”

You blink, thrown by the sudden change. “You still haven’t answered my question.”

“Which was?”

“Don’t make me ask again,” you say sternly.

A shiver runs down Jungkook’s spine. Somewhat surprised by his reaction, Jungkook shifts in his seat. Usually, he prefers to be in charge but now, he’s consumed by the visual of you saying the same thing in bed and can’t stop the surge of pleasure it brings.

“If I tell you the truth,” Jungkook says, picking up his glass to swirl. “Will you answer a question of mine in return?”

You hesitate, then nod. “Fine. I’ll answer a question.”

In a moment of utter insanity, Jungkook decides to tell you the truth. “I agreed to come on this date because my aunt asked me to. After my mom died, she’s the only person in my family I’m close to. I planned on waiting the obligatory ninety minutes, then leaving before dessert.” Unable to stop himself, Jungkook’s gaze dips. “Until you walked in, that is. That’s a damn good dress if you didn’t already know.”

Slowly, you blink and Jungkook wonders what’s possibly going through your head.

“Ninety minutes,” you murmur, looking up. “I knew there was a rule.”

Jungkook presses his lips together to keep him from laughing. “Now, it’s your turn,” he says.

You lift a brow and so, Jungkook leans in. From a young age, people have said his gaze is intimidating. Most aren’t comfortable with direct eye contact for prolonged periods of time and so, Jungkook uses this often to his advantage.

Most aren’t you though, meeting his gaze with barely a blink.

“My question,” Jungkook murmurs. “Is – are you really not interested in me?”

The question slips out before he can stop it. Were Jungkook smarter, he might’ve said something strategic to gain the upper hand. Apparently, he’s not smart. Apparently, Jungkook deems your thoughts more important than winning.

Some of your sharpness diminishes. “Really?”

“What?”

“Any question.” The corner of your lip twitches. “You could’ve asked me for my credit card number, but instead you’re asking me about sex.”

Time with you is more valuable. The thought occurs to Jungkook before he can stop it but luckily, he keeps his mouth shut this time.

“Just answer me,” he says.

You don’t answer for a few moments and during that time, Jungkook’s thoughts wander. He’s on the verge of retracting the question when you exhale.

“Truthfully?”

Jungkook nods, holding his breath.

Uncertain, you reach across and lightly brush his suit with the edge of your finger. Jungkook goes still, every nerve ending focused on your touch. When he finally looks up, he finds you staring, and something foreign stirs in his chest.

“I’m not interested in dating,” you repeat and now, Jungkook wonders if you say this as much for yourself as for him. “I left my parents’ world as soon as I could and have no intention of returning.”

Oddly, an unseen weight lifts from his shoulders. In his darkest thoughts, Jungkook wondered if maybe your hesitance was due to him but no. This has more to do with what Jungkook stands for – the world he hasn’t left – which he can understand.

“But?” he presses, sensing there’s more.

“But,” you murmur, gaze dropping to his lips. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested in… other things.”

Jungkook stares blatantly back. “Like what.”

“That wasn’t part of your question.”

“Indulge me,” he breathes, consumed by his desire.

Slowly, you pull back and settle into your seat. Jungkook mourns the light touch of your hand. “Show me a photo of you and your aunt,” you declare.

Slowly, he blinks. “This is a weird kind of foreplay, Y/N.”

“Just do it,” you sigh, and there’s that tone again.

Removing his phone from his pocket, Jungkook opens his photos. It doesn’t take long to find one that works – Jungkook isn’t exactly a memory saver. Turning his screen around, he watches you study the picture and nod.

“Alright,” you declare.

Pocketing the device, Jungkook lifts a brow. “Going to tell me what that was about?”

“I haven’t decided.”

You seem settled though, as though a decision’s been reached. Before Jungkook can ask what it is, the waiter returns. A meal – which any other night would look delicious – is placed before him, and Jungkook realizes the only appetite he has is for you.

Loudly, a gurgle cuts through the silence.

Jungkook’s gaze snaps to yours. “When did you last eat?”

Scoffing, you pick up your fork. “Please. Let’s not do that, Jeon.”

Cutting into his steak, he cocks his head. “Do what?”

“This weird, overprotective boyfriend thing. That thing where you monitor my meals and scold me for not eating enough. I know my own body, thanks.”

You say this at the precise moment Jungkook swallows and as a result, he nearly chokes again. Swallowing, his eyes water and Jungkook pounds his chest.

“Wow,” he coughs. “I don’t think anyone has ever accused me of being too boyfriend before. This must be a first.”

The opposite would be truer. Jungkook has had several unsettling encounters where women wanted more and refused to take no as an answer. Jungkook has been called many things before – loner, asshole, cold-hearted – but never boyfriend.

“Oh, please,” you say, your lips twitching. “You might not have been a boyfriend before, but you have the whole ‘boyfriend thing’ down.”

Jungkook is baffled. “What do you mean by ‘boyfriend thing?’”

“It’s all of this,” you say, gesturing up and down his chest. “The suit, the tie, the perfectly mussed hair. The way you order champagne and wait ninety minutes before ditching your date. You like to give the appearance of a boyfriend without actually having to be one.”

Jungkook stares at you, his world suddenly fuzzy. His tie feels too tight, awareness crawling over his skin as you see right through him.

“Because your whole world is about appearances,” you continue, completely unaware you’re speaking his mind. “It doesn’t matter if you actually date someone, so long as people think that you are. It doesn’t matter what you do, so long as no one complains. I don’t actually think you’re capable of giving a single person your undivided attention.”

Irony of ironies, since Jungkook currently watches as though you’re the only one in the world. “You have my undivided attention right now.”

“For now,” you admit, picking up your fork. “Anyways, back to your original question – what I’m interested in from you.”

“I’m listening,” Jungkook murmurs – the understatement of the year.

He’s hanging on each word from your lips, waiting for the moment the tables turn. That moment when you prove his suspicions right; when you change your tune and become the rest. When you ask Jungkook for a favor, an introduction – something to make this more than what it is.

The longer he sits here though, the more Jungkook thinks you have no ulterior motive. Which would also be a first.

“I believe we’re in a unique situation,” you say at last.

“We are?”

Smiling, you nod. “You’re only interested in sex from your dates, and I’m not interested in anything but sex from you.”

Jungkook’s lips twitch, taken aback by such a direct assessment. “Why do you assume I only want sex from my dates?”

Never mind that you’re correct – Jungkook wants to hear why you think that. A nagging voice in the back of his mind whispers otherwise and Jungkook shuts down the voice immediately. He can’t possibly be so juvenile as to desire the first woman who tells him no.

“Am I wrong?”

“Well, no.” Jungkook smiles. “It’s just you don’t seem to have a very high opinion of me.”

His response seems to confuse you. “Now who’s the one twisting words? I said you don’t want to date people, not that I think you’re a bad person. I just think… we’re very different people who want very different things.”

The way you say this makes his stomach sink. Jungkook wishes it were months from now, when everything was in the open and he could tell you that yes, you’re more alike than you realize. As it is though, you’re correct and the fact rankles.

“You keep saying that,” he murmurs, leaning in. “And I just don’t believe you. We were both born into the same lifestyle, we’re both currently wearing designer clothes. The only difference is that I’m honest about what I am and you’re not.”

The moment the words leave his lips, Jungkook regrets them. After all, he’s the bigger hypocrite seated around the table – wanting you to see him for who he is but in reality, too scared to offer any piece of himself.

“Honest?” you blurt. “The only honest thing you’ve said to me tonight is you have an aunt that you love.”

“Don’t forget the part about me being good in bed,” Jungkook says, retreating to safer ground. “That was also true.”

“So,” you exhale, shaking your head. “What I’m saying is I have no interest in being your girlfriend. And you have no interest in being my boyfriend. Judging by the way you keep staring at my tits though, I’d say you’re attracted to me. Is that true?”

“Yes,” Jungkook says without hesitation.

“Good.” Sitting back, you lift your glass. “Which is why I think we should have sex.”

Jungkook goes still. Another lesson learned from his father – in moments of turmoil, never let your opponent know how badly you want something. And he wants you very badly.

After a moment, Jungkook cuts into his steak and takes a bite. “You’d have sex with someone you don’t even like?” he asks once he swallows.

Jungkook watches you curiously, unable to wrap his mind around this. There’s clearly something between you, but Jungkook can’t decide whether it’s good or bad. You get under his skin so easily, provoking parts of himself Jungkook thought were long buried.

You shrug. “Why not?”

Hardly a glowing recommendation, but you seem to be sincere. Jungkook watches you another moment, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Things can’t possibly be as simple as they seem.

Your organization despises Jeon Energy, and for good reason. Maybe you’re here to get close to Jungkook and use it as blackmail. Although Jungkook fails to see how sex with him would achieve that. His reputation is known and you’re gorgeous. If anything, the fallout might be worse for you.

Mistaking his silence as reticence, you slowly exhale. “Look,” you say, setting down your fork. “It’s been a long time, okay? Work has been hell, so I’ve had no time to date. My last relationship ended over a year ago and that asshole couldn’t tell a clit from a urethra. You have a reputation for being good in bed and – at the very least – you’re not bad to look at.”

Several thoughts follow this rather stunning rant. First, indignation on your behalf for the asshole who failed Health Education. Second, an odd mixture of relief and disappointment when you say this is about sex. And third, a surge of satisfaction when you admit you find him attractive.

“So, you want an orgasm,” Jungkook says bluntly.

“Amongst other things.”

Sitting back, Jungkook runs his tongue over the backs of his teeth. You follow the motion with your eyes, and Jungkook realizes you’re nearly as turned on as he is.

This is good, he decides. This is safe. Sex is familiar ground for Jungkook. He’s certain he can give you an orgasm – not so certain about anything else. Some of the tension in his chest drains, replaced by sudden confidence.

“What other things?” he murmurs.

“I…” You take a deep breath. “Most guys are too gentle. If we’re only going to do this once, I want it to be good.”

Images flood his mind, and Jungkook feels his balls tighten. “You want it rough, princess? I can do that. Anything else?”

Your features scrunch before you blurt, “No oral.”

He hesitates. “For you or for me? No judgment either way, I just want to know.”

“For me,” you say. “I don’t… like it.”

Jungkook considers. Granted, many people have issues with sensory input, but this doesn’t seem to be the case here.

“You don’t like being eaten out?” he asks, curious.

“It always… sounds nice,” you allow, glancing away. “But then, I just kind of lie there while the guy moves around.”

A muscle in his jaw ticks. “Sounds as though those men were the problem, not you. But alright, no oral – for now,” Jungkook amends.

You give him a look. “There’s only going to be a now, Jungkook.”

“Right. Better make tonight count, then.”

Reaching for your glass of Moët, you finish this in one sip. Jungkook watches your tongue dart to catch the last drop of liquid and suddenly, can’t wait to get out of this restaurant.

“You’re… not what I expected, Y/N,” he murmurs.

You go still, glancing his way and Jungkook recognizes that look. It’s the look of someone waiting for a punchline and in response, his heart cinches.

“How so?” you say carefully.

Jungkook leans towards you. “Tonight has got to be a first for me.”

“Being propositioned for sex at the dinner table?”

“No.” He can’t help but grin. “That happens surprisingly often. No – I’ve never been propositioned by someone who didn’t like me. Someone I’m not even sure I like back. Just one night, no strings attached. It’s… interesting.”

Your lips settle in a pout. “You’re making this sound completely ridiculous.”

“Oh, it is,” he assures you. “But I’m into it. Okay, should we go?” Standing from the table, Jungkook drains his glass of Moët. Holding out a hand, he waits for you to take it.

You stare at his palm, then return to your food. “I haven’t finished my meal.”

“Okay.” Suppressing a smile, Jungkook takes a seat. “I thought I wasn’t supposed to care about what you ate, though?” he teases. “You’ve got to make up your mind. Should I care about your wellbeing, or should I act like a dick?”

Scowling, you push yourself to stand. “Let’s go,” you say, grabbing your purse.

You stride towards the entrance, hips swaying and Jungkook slowly drags his hand down his face. Once he’s gathered himself, he catches up to you and places a hand on your lower back.  

“Teasing?” he murmurs, bending so his lips brush your ear.

You shiver, leaning into him. “That’s the general idea, Jeon.”

Your lips quirk, and Jungkook doesn’t hate his name quite as much anymore. Not when you say it like that, with a hint of sweetness.

Several heads turn when you leave, and Jungkook feels your feet falter, then stop as you notice. Panic etches across your face as you turn.

“Is there another way out,” you say lowly.

Jungkook nods, grabbing your hand to pull you along. The kitchen is closest and, pushing through the metal doors, Jungkook ducks a tray and apologizes. Yoongi scowls at this, melting fast to surprise when he notices your presence.

Jungkook tugs you onward. “Hey, Yoongi,” he calls.

You peer curiously over your shoulder. “You know the head chef?” you ask as you exit, the door shutting behind you.

“Yeah,” Jungkook says, coming to a stop outside. “That’s Yoongi, we went to college together. Here we go,” he says as headlights swing into the alley. “For an easy, low-profile exit.”

Rolling your eyes, you enter the backseat and Jungkook shuts the door. Crossing to the other side, he pauses at the trunk to text his assistant. He saw how you looked when you thought someone photographed you and again when you exited.

A pang of understanding goes through him at this. Jungkook knows how difficult it is growing up in the spotlight. While you may have left your family’s business, this invites its own type of scrutiny. Jungkook might be known as an incorrigible playboy, but you’ve been called far worse by his father’s friends.

Jungkook remembers when it happened. Having no skin in the game, he didn’t reach out – not that he could have at the time. Jungkook was brand-new to his father’s deal and not in any position to play knight in shining armor.

Not that he’s in a different position now. Paused with his hand on the door, Jungkook wonders at himself. He’s never considered himself the hero before. It begs the question why – why now and why you?

Jungkook glances down, full of the oddest sensation that if he leaves with you, he won’t be able to go back.

Strangely, the thought isn’t as dismal as he thought it would be. And so, Jungkook enters the backseat and doesn’t look back.

[Series Master List]

© kpopfanfictrash, 2023. Do not copy or repost without permission.

#bangtanarmynet #jungkook fanfiction #bts fanfic #jungkook fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts au #jungkook au

[builtbybrokenbells]

Gold Dust Woman | iii

A confession that was long overdue makes life even more complicated than before. Y/n has to make the hard decision of logic or emotion, only to realize that the answer she is so desperately seeking brings even more questions, and holds no comfort at all.

Read part two here

Pairing: jake kiszka x f!reader, sam kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 13.1k

Warnings: SMUT 18+, unprotected sex (wrap it), fingering (f!receiving), oral (f!reveiving), oral (m!receiving), face-fucking, choking, praise, touch of orgasm denial, biting, overstimulation, name calling, pet-names, multiple orgasms (male & female), dirty talk, some fluff, angst if you squint (light arguing, mostly just the plot line angst), feelings of guilt, swearing, sorry if i miss any!

howdy. im back from the dead 😁 here’s a little apology for all you wonderfully patient people. thanks for sticking with me ♥️ this is basically porn with plot. sorry if it’s not fantastic, i really wanted to get this out for you guys so some parts are a bit rushed and it’s poorly edited. as always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes 🫶🏻

“Why now, Sam?” You asked, still trying to wrap your head around the information. His hand was still resting atop yours, the heat of his skin searing and the feeling just as electrifying. He didn’t respond, just took the opportunity to watch your face, studying the details like he was dependent upon it. You raised your eyebrow, prying for an answer.

“Now is as good as any time, right? Something about living in the moment, or whatever.” He shrugged, the boyish charm of his humour showing. While it usually made you swoon, now it was infuriating.

“No, not really.” You laughed, but it wasn’t because the situation was humorous. You had no idea what else to do, and that was the only sound that wanted to make an appearance. “Maybe a few months ago? Last week? Last night, even?”

“Why does it matter?” He asked, thinking he could catch you in your lie.

“Because it does!” You exclaimed, keeping your voice as quiet as possible. The last thing you wanted was to make a scene and get everyone else involved. To get Jake involved, more specifically. “I’ve been in love with you for…” you paused, looking past him and settling your gaze on the wall. You needed to gather your thoughts before continuing. Your emotions were high, which never meant anything good. You much preferred to use logic instead of emotion, and the last two days had been completely void of anything logical. “A long time, Sam.” You finally said, looking back to him. “A really long time, and you never gave me any idea that you felt the same way.”

“You never said anything, either.” He defended, a sinking feeling settling in his stomach. Had he known you felt so strongly for him, he might have acted sooner.

“Because every time you come over, you always seem to want to talk to every girl other than me. You always acted like I was just another one of the guys, not that you liked me, too.” You could see the look of regret form on his face, but you didn’t feel bad for saying it. You were hurt, completely baffled that he’d waited so long. “And the one night…” you took a deep breath, forcing the words to come out, even if you didn’t want them to. “The one night I wasn’t sitting there watching you, waiting for you to pay attention to me like a lost puppy, is the night you notice. The night I finally decided to have fun, instead of just existing, you happen to be watching me, too. The night you see another guy paying attention to me was when you finally decided to speak up? Like I was only worth liking when you were scared you couldn’t have me?”

“No, y/n. It’s not like that.” He shut the idea down, realizing how bad it looked, now. “I mean, yeah, it definitely made me want to speak up, to say something before I lost the chance, but that’s not why I’m telling you.”

“Months, Sam. You can’t tell me you didn’t notice. My entire world revolves around you, and you waited until someone else made a move?” You didn’t realize the extent of your words; once you said them, his demeanour changed.

“So, it was more than a game of beer pong?” He questioned, but he didn’t sound angry. Your stomach dropped, realizing you had sold yourself out. When you didn’t respond, he took it as more than enough of an answer. A small smile graced his lips, one that was more than unexpected. You didn’t like the look in his eye, like you’d just lit a fire inside him. “I have competition?”

“No, Sam.” You shook your head, shutting it down before he could go any further. “No competition. Not a game, or a race. This isn’t like that.” But he wasn’t listening, already straightening up in his seat with a smirk adorned on his lips, like he’d been waiting to reveal this idea to you, but didn’t know when he should. “Sam,” you warned. He moved his hand from yours, making a move to stand, now. You got up, too, not willing to let him leave without any more conversation. Once you were both standing, he didn’t turn away. Instead, he stepped towards you, brushing your hair from your face. Your heart sped at the sudden contact, not expecting it.

“It’s okay,” he assured you, running his thumb over your cheek. You couldn’t help but lean into him, feeling the same gravitational pull you felt with his brother. Maybe it was a Kiszka thing, or it was just something they had in common. That, you weren’t sure of. You were sure of the heavenly feeling of his hand on you, and how badly you wanted to stay like that, forever. “You can have your fun with him, because I know you’ll end up with me, princess. I’ll make sure of it.” He promised, no tone of joking present within the statement.

“Sam,” you breathed, wanting to put a stop to the situation before it could start. Even so, you couldn’t help but feel your head swirl at the closeness of his face. The scent of incense was still lingering on his clothes even after a long night of drinking, captivating you and pulling you in even further. Through all the similarities you’d noticed between him and his brother, the feeling of their touch was so different. Both fantastic, but so unlike one another. The idea of kissing Sam was almost comforting, like a promise of safety after a long journey. The thought of kissing Jake felt almost forbidden, like it had to be kept a secret, but it was exhilarating. It was a battle of thrill and security; you’d never had much of an issue with it before, but now it seemed impossible to choose.

“Why are you saying my name like that? I haven’t even done anything to deserve it, yet.” He hummed, pulling you into him a little more. You were certain he could sense the effect his words had on you. Your chests were practically pressed together, heartbeats synced and rapid. You were torn, stuck between the satisfaction of finally having him in such a way, and guilt for doing it behind Jakes back. For something you’d been wishing about for so long, it was producing a lot of conflicting emotions.

Unbeknownst to you, Jake was well aware of what was happening in the kitchen. He’d caught on as soon as Sam followed you in there, and he wasn’t mad about it. Anyone with a set of eyes could tell you had feelings for Sam, but he was confident in his ability to win you over, too. Both boys had the same deadly mindset, no worry in their mind that they would lose the game. Their cockiness and determination was leaving them blind to the reality of the situation. Both were so certain they could win you over that they were forgetting they were playing with real emotions, yours and their own.

But, it’s nothing if not human nature to be selfish, and in this specific triad, greed was the only motivator.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” You finally said, but you knew you didn’t mean it; there was nothing you wanted more.

“No?” He questioned, using his finger to tilt your chin upwards. “You want me to stop?” You wanted to say yes, to push him away and forget the whole thing ever happened, but you couldn’t seem to find the strength within yourself to do so. His stare was captivating and his touch was invigorating.

“Just kiss me.” You expelled, once again unwilling to think about any consequences. Permission was all he needed to proceed. He leaned down, capturing you in a kiss that was sweet enough to make you forget your worry. It was different than any you’d had before; filled with emotion and not reliant on lust. It was over soon after it started, and unlike the moments you shared with Jake, the ending of the kiss with Sam left you with a feeling of fulfillment and relief. For the first few seconds, at least. Then, a crashing wave of panic followed.

He picked up on your change of demeanour, immediately pulling you into an embrace to soothe the after effects. He held you to him, hand rubbing circles in over your back in attempt to calm you down. “Hey, it’s okay.” He assured you, finally realizing that he may have put a little too much pressure on you. When you didn’t respond, he pulled back to get a look at your face. He wasn’t expecting you to pull him into another kiss, shocked at the suddenness of your actions.

He snaked his hand to your hip, the other cupping your cheek in a loving hold. This one was hungrier, a type of desperation laced within it. He assumed it was for him, but in truth, it was desperation for an answer. You thought if you could pinpoint the exact emotion the kiss produced within you, it would make your choice a lot easier. For a moment, it did. When you pulled away, it seemed like the world made sense again. The comfort from the short moment you shared with him was incomprehensible; something you’d been yearning for forever. The logical thing would be to let Jake go, to understand that at the end of the day, you had real feelings for Sam that had been solidified even further with time. To understand the animalistic nature of your attraction to Jake was just that, and nothing more.

The right way to go about it was to end your entanglement with Jake, and pursue the relationship with Sam. You understood that had this happened just a day sooner, there would be no internal debate or struggle about being with Sam. You had to act based on that, because bouncing between both boys was immoral and wrong. The last thing you wanted to do was hurt either of them, and allowing things to continue as such would only result in a catastrophic failure. But, even as you came to terms with the fact of the matter, you still felt saddened at the thought of losing Jake. You wanted Sam, that much was undeniable, but just within a day, Jake had earned a spot in your heart and didn’t seem to want to leave.

You yearned for the opportunity to be with Sam for so long that you seemed to put him on an untouchable pedestal. One where he was almost angelic and was viewed as if he could do no wrong. That was the issue with crushes, because it always made the subject appear like they were above all else. And, the idea of them was solely based on imagination. Whereas with Jake, you had actually been with him. Your idea of him wasn’t a fallacy; it was more real than anything you had ever shared with Sam. You knew his hands, his mouth, and his ability to bring you to your knees with just a glance. The version of Sam you had in your head was complete fantasy, and the idea of Jake was reality. And because of that, he was settled in your bones like sediment and was weighing you down while you tried to make the right decision.

“You’re evil,” You sighed, looking over his face. He gave a small chuckle in response, still hesitant to let you go.

“I never said I would make it easy on you.” He teased, giving you a smile. “Think about it, princess. You don’t have to give us an answer right now.”

“You’re asking me an impossible question.”

“Not impossible, just difficult.” He corrected, as if it would make you feel any better. “Like I said, I’m not worried.” You fought back an eye-roll at his statement. He was so caught up in his own cockiness to realize you were hurting over it. This was not the position you wanted to be in, and although he wasn’t helping, you had dug your own grave by giving in to temptation for both of them.

The sounds of footsteps in the hallway caused both of you to part, shying away from each other as if you’d committed a crime. You quickly sat back down, burying your face in your cup of coffee to hide your rosy cheeks and guilty expression. Danny and Josh walked into view, almost immediately picking up on the tense nature in the room. Danny looked as if he was about to comment on it, but decided not to. He always seemed to notice when you were acting out of the ordinary. “I think we’re gonna head out. You coming?” He eventually asked Sam. The boy looked to you one last time, but gave a nod. “We’re still on for lunch, tomorrow?” Danny turned his attention to you, now.

“Yeah, of course. I’ll pick you up at 12?”

“Yeah, perfect.” He agreed.

“Thanks for coming over.” You smiled. “I’m sure you’ll be back soon?”

“You can’t get rid of us that easily.” Josh assured you. You bid your goodbyes, eyes following them as they walked towards the front door. You listened for the sound of the door shutting before slumping down into your seat. You pulled your head into your hands, fingers tangling in the roots of your hair and gently pulling at them.

You knew what you had to do, but you wanted to process it before having to face Jake. You could hear the gentle hum of the guitar from the living room, taunting you with serenity. The sound was much too calming for your situation. The idea of joining him in the living room produced nothing but unease within you; knowing you had to go in there and tell him to leave was agonizing, because deep down, you still wanted him to stay. You were completely caught in your own mess but couldn’t find the strength to have sympathy for yourself, knowing you’d created it all on your own. Right vs. Wrong was barely existing within you, because every possibility seemed to be a little bit of both.

You thought that the shared moment with Sam would have solved everything, that it would have made the turmoil make sense. In a strange way, it did. In many more ways, it made it worse. So, you stood, no real plan in mind, and walked to the living room with intent to settle your mistakes, to right them in some sense, even if you weren’t sure how to. When you appeared in the entryway, Jake didn’t even seem to notice your presence. Instead of announcing it, you watched him for a moment, admiring him while you still could. His hair was framing his face, cascading down in a sea of brown and perfectly showcasing his features. His eyes were settled on his hand, gracing the fretboard with their talent. He seemed to be playing so effortlessly, like it was more natural than breathing. You supposed, to him, it was.

You didn’t notice the trance you’d found yourself in until he looked up at you. The simple eye contact was powerful enough to steal the air from your lungs. It only took a smile for you to forget what you’d come to talk to him about. “Alone at last, Gold Dust Woman.”

‘Fuck.’ you thought to yourself. As confident as you were in your decision, your ability to follow through was diminishing more by the second. ‘Damn him and his pretty face.’

“Come to break the bad news?” He asked, tilting his head to the side. Your blood ran cold, unsure of how he knew without you even speaking a word. He gave a small smirk at the expression on your face, wondering if you would come clean or not.

“I’m not sure what you mean,” you said once you’d gathered your thoughts. He let out a chuckle, shaking his head at you.

“I told you, angel. You’re not a very good liar.” He searched beside him, finding the case for the guitar. He unplugged the cord before gently setting the instrument where it belonged.

“M’sorry,” you mumbled, unsure of what exactly you were apologizing for. Part of you felt it was because it was a show of guilt for your actions, the other part of you thought it may be because you were ending whatever you’d started with him.

“For?” He questioned, sitting back against the cushion of the couch. In place of an answer, you stared, realizing you still hadn’t made up your mind, despite being certain you had. Maybe it was his aura, so intense and alluring, or perhaps it was due to the unfulfilled promise you had made to each other. Either way, any coherent decision and moral was long gone now that he was in front of you. “Hmm?” You swallowed hard, only focused on his hand resting in his lap. The curious hand that started it all, the one that contained all of his power.

“I, uh…” his eyes never left your face, making your nervous demeanour even worse. He expelled a long breath, almost as if he was annoyed for having to answer for you again.

“Sorry that you were sneaking around with my brother?” He theorized. “Or sorry that you were caught?”

“How did you know?” You finally mustered the strength to speak up. He gave a shrug, one that radiated carelessness. He didn’t give a single shit about what you’d done with Sam, and it was blatantly obvious.

“It’s written all over your face, sweetheart.” He let out a laugh, like he couldn’t believe you were so oblivious to your own stature. “Everyone knows you like Sam, y/n. We’re not blind.”

“So why did you start whatever this is?” You asked, feeling annoyance bubble in your chest. If he was so aware of your feelings, there was no logical reason for him to instigate a relationship with you.

“I can’t give you all of the answers.” He replied, nonchalant and unapologetic for his actions.

“At least give me some!” Your frustration was apparent; both boys had been elusive and indirect about their motives, and it was driving you insane. If their intent was to drive you crazy, it was working. He let out a little sigh, as if your inquiries were an inconvenience.

“You like Sam, Sam likes you.” He stated, as if he were explaining the situation to a child. You clenched your teeth, slowly becoming more angry as he continued on. “I like you, you like me.” He paused again, waiting for confirmation of the fact. You wanted to shut the idea down, deny that you had any interest in him. But, you couldn’t, because it simply wasn’t true. If you had no feelings for Jake, it would have been easy to tell him to leave, to end the debate without a second thought. Instead, you were struggling with the simple idea, let alone the execution. As much as you hated to admit it, you did like Jake, and you liked him way more than you originally thought.

“Yeah,” you nodded.

“Now we have a level playing field.” He shrugged. “If you’re going to pick between us, it should at least be a fair decision.”

“So you guys decided this on your own?” You couldn’t help but feel a bit betrayed at the knowledge, that they’d let you drown in guilt and regret while they knew what was happening the whole time.

“I think you decided it, too, actually.” He explained. “You haven’t told me to leave yet.”

“Okay, leave.” You snipped, crossing your arms over your chest in annoyance. He laughed at your command, finding the bossy persona entertaining.

“Is that really what you want, sweetheart?” The longer you looked at him, the more you felt the urge to strangle him. Something about his air of superiority was insufferable; the nature of his entitlement was off-putting, almost like he knew you were bluffing, even before you did. You couldn’t find the strength to confirm your statement, because the truth was that you were dreading his departure.

The whole situation was ridiculous, completely unnecessary and utterly pointless. In the battle of winning you over, they didn’t seem to realize that they were only pitting themselves against each other. The promise of affection from you simply wasn’t enough to excuse the loss of their relationship, and you wanted them to understand that before they took it too far. You were well aware of how dangerous the game was, but even so, you were enjoying it despite the fact. Something about being loved by a Kiszka was euphoric, and to have it from both of them was more than enough of a reason to ignore any potential consequences.

“This isn’t a good idea, Jake.” You whispered.

“It’s a better idea than one of us sitting back and suffering in silence. We both have a fair shot, now.” You shook your head, baffled at his inability to see the issue. “We know what we’re doing, angel.” He promised. “Now, tell me the truth. Do you really want me to leave?” You felt dirty even holding a desire for him to stay. The idea of being pursued by both brothers was thrilling, but unsettling, especially knowing that it was bound to be a catastrophe. Knowing that they were aware of the situation and were actively trying to win you over was no comfort; all it served was a reminder that they were obviously not thinking clearly. You knew you should shut it down, stop it before anything bad could happen, but that pull he possessed was stronger than ever. You felt like you were gravitating towards him without even realizing it, with no means to stop it.

He stood, now, slowly making his way towards you. The gentle nature of his movements were like a cloud of a reassurance, a silent promise that he would take care of you and aid you in forgetting any of the worries you had. It was their charm in action once again; both of them had the ability to make you see past even the worst of decisions. The air surrounding him even radiated with a sense of calmness, like everything would be okay as long as he was around.

As his hands landed on your hips, your eyes fluttered closed at the feeling. Morally, you knew you should have recoiled, shied away from his touch and told him to leave. You came in with the intent to do so, and still hadn’t let go of the nagging thought. Then again, you felt the same way when Sam was touching you like so. Afterwards, you seemed to have a new found sense of clarity. You thought that the clarity might make a reappearance if you kissed Jake, that the decision would be so much easier if you allowed it one last time. That way, you could have an unbiased opinion on both feelings, and make a plan accordingly. You repeated that thought in your head until you believed it.

Once again, you’d failed to see the repercussions of your actions, blinded by your own stupidity and lack of self-control. In no world was allowing the kiss an intelligent decision. But, you wanted him so badly that in the moment, it seemed only right to do so. The devil was a master at his own game, and you’d fallen right into his trap. As certain as you may have been about your course of action upon your arrival, deep down you knew that Jake would never let you go so easily. “You should go, Jake.” You managed to get the words out, despite not wanting to say them. He was close enough that you could practically feel the warmth radiating off him. His face was just close enough to taunt you, his lips so easily accessible that it was hard to think of anything else.

“I didn’t ask if I should, I asked if you wanted me to leave.” He reminded, the low hum of his voice vibrating through you. You took in a long breath, keeping your eyes closed in hopes it would help you to follow through with your statement. “Because if I remember correctly, you were the one who wanted me to stay.”

“That was before everything got complicated.” You said, barely speaking loud enough for him to hear.

“I don’t think it’s complicated at all, angel.” He lifted a hand to your face, cupping your cheek with the utmost care and caution. Your heart was pounding against your ribs, stomach twisted in a knot, knowing that if you didn’t put a stop to his antics, you’d end up in the same position as you were the night prior. “I made you a promise, and I intend to keep it.” The devil inside you was partnering with the one that was possessing him, pushing you further into his arms. “If that’s what you want, of course.”

You did; you’d been starving for it since he’d given you the first taste. Even if it was wrong, the temptation was too high to turn him away. “You’re despicable,” you breathed, finding the truth of the statement proper for both brothers. Relentless and utterly despicable in their charm.

“You like it.” He taunted, knowing all too well that he was correct. He awaited a verbal answer, but the time for talking was through. Before he could get another word out, you leaned forward and closed the gap between your mouths. As much as he was hoping for the outcome, he was shocked at the suddenness of your motion. It only took him a few seconds to catch up to speed, pulling you into him and responding with as much enthusiasm as you were giving him. The internal struggle you were caught up in was immediately silenced; the only thing that mattered was him, and how you never wanted to forget how it felt to have him on your skin.

When you broke away from each other, you were too far gone to take a moment to reassess the situation, only thinking about the promises of the night prior. There was no more debate on whether he should leave. The thought of not finishing what you had started was unbearable; the idea of his departure was excruciating. You decided that you could decide later, that the damage was already done and you were only allowing yourself to be fully educated before picking your path. You could wallow in your guilt later, but for the moment, Jake was the only thing you could think about.

The human ability to overlook pain for momentary pleasure is abstruse.

“Still want me to leave?” He asked, breathless from the kiss. Although yes was the best answer to his question, you were aware that he wouldn’t even make it to the door before you were chasing after him.

“Shut up,” you snapped, still annoyed from the events that unfolded, and on edge from the pent up sexual tension. His grip on you tightened at the harsh words, picking up on your energy and preparing to match it. “Are you going to finish what you started?”

“Don’t expect to speak to me like that and get what you want.” He warned, lips still hovering over your own. You didn’t cower under the authority, too worked up to submit just yet.

“You can’t walk away either, and you know it.”

“Don’t be so sure about that.” He muttered. He knew he wouldn’t, but he absolutely could if he wanted to. He’d mustered the strength to do it once, and he knew he could do it again. Instead of continuing the bickering, you snaked your hand around to the back of his neck and pulled him into another kiss. It was needy, both of you trying to make up for the state you left each other in the night before. A messy struggle ensued, a battle of trying to remove each others clothes without breaking a kiss.

He managed to free you from your shirt, only breaking away from you for a second. You took the opportunity to do the same to him, wasting no time returning back to each other. Now his hands had the opportunity to roam your upper body; the feeling of him on you was better than you remembered it, perhaps because you were sober, or maybe just because you wanted him so badly. It didn’t really matter which it was, you only cared about him never stopping. He guided you towards the couch, neither of you bothered by the fact you were still in the living room. You had both come to the conclusion that the bedroom was too far away and were content with the current location.

Once you were secure on the sofa, he hooked his fingers through the sides of your shorts, pulling them off in a swift motion. There was no more willingness to wait, you were both starving for each other. He settled between your legs, reminding you so strikingly of the night prior that you were almost scared he would leave again. Your worry subsided when his hands returned to your body, knowing no other thought could override how he was making you feel. His lips curiously drifted over every available part of you, remembering every sensitive spot while he used the gesture to appreciate you all at the same time.

You could tell his patience had greatly diminished since the night before. He seemed less concerned with teasing, focused more on catching you up to his speed than anything else. In that moment, you understood just how hard it was for him to walk away from you. His plan had worked; you hadn’t stopped thinking about him once, but he achieved it at a price. His determination for the long game had faltered, and he was caught in your web just as much as you were in his. His silence spoke volumes, proving further that fucking you had been the only thing on his mind.

His fingers slipped between your legs, the act as natural as breathing for him. He took a moment to appreciate the arousal that had begun to pool, but didn’t hover too long. His thumb found its way to your clit, barely applying any pressure. Even so, the small action caused your breath to hitch in your throat. A hard realization washed over you; his hands didn’t only posses such power when you were drunk and everything seemed fantastic. You were sober, no diminished inhibitions and all normal brain power restored, and he still felt better than anything you had ever experienced. The devil inside him was constant, not encouraged by intoxication or any other means. The version of Jake you knew from the night before was the same one in front of you, now. You were gutted at the thought, knowing that liquor didn’t have any effect on the situation; he was just as charming, and you were just as willing to fall for it.

He gradually increased the pressure of his thumb, the small action quickly turning you into a mess below him. He barely had to touch you to drive you crazy. He watched your face, intent on seeing every micro-expression you were willing to make. He had yet to speak a word, and you almost didn’t want him to. As good as he made you feel, there was a part of you that was still pissed off at him. You continued to tell yourself that this was solely to settle the score, to finish what you started and move on, but you knew it wasn’t true. The intense emotions incurring within you were a direct result of his minuscule actions. Without a doubt, that told you that whatever your situation was, it wouldn’t end with your orgasm. It was far beyond sex, now. If it was just a hookup, or just for the sake of sex, you would have no issue telling him to leave. If you wanted to hook up with someone, all you had to do was go to the nearest bar. Whatever this was, was laced with emotion and coated with complexity. Even with his hands on you so intimately, you were terrified of him walking out the door.

When his fingers slipped inside you once more, you were ashamed to admit that the thought of Sam was long gone. Whatever evil Jake was doing, he was doing it unfathomably well. The spell he casted over you made it impossible to think of anything other than him, and it was terrifying. You knew that even with the knowledge of a future filled with suffering, that moment made it all worth it. The things you were willing to do to keep having him like this was despicable, and they made you feel dirty for even thinking such a way. But, as you grew to understand in the last twenty-four hours, Jake was inescapable, and part of you was okay with that. As much as it made the nature of your predicament so much more complicated, it radiated an air of comfort. That was another revelation that made your decision so much harder; the thought of cutting him off was unbearable, but the idea of continuing on as such was anxiety inducing. No matter which way you looked at it, every possibility seemed terrible.

“Does that feel good, angel?” The gravelly tone immediately stopped any forebodings before they could surface. In an instant, just with a few words, he had you completely immersed in his being once more. His caring nature seemed to be genuine, but there was a distant look in his eye that made you second guess the sincere impression. You thought maybe it was a question pertaining to his ego, and the idea did not take you as a surprise in the slightest. Still, with how generous his actions were, you had no problem feeding into him a little bit.

“Feels so good, baby.” You sighed, reaching down and cupping his cheek in your palm. The pet name seemed to spark a fire in him, his eyes darkening and his jaw clenching. He took in a long breath through his nose, seeming to relax him and allow him to focus back on his objective. He sped his movements slightly, letting his thumb brush over your clit with every pump of his fingers. “God, please don’t stop.” You whined, back arching off the cushion of the couch begging for just a bit more contact.

“Being so good for me, baby.” He stated, his mind clearly fully immersed in your face. “You know I’ll give you whatever you want.” And he wasn’t lying, although the terms were subjective and almost always his own. You had little say on when you could get what you wanted. Still, you knew that anything at all from Jake was well worth the world, even if you had to suffer first. “You gonna cum for me?” He asked, picking up on the furrow of your eyebrows, the slight part in your lips and the laboured breathing. Even if he’d only seen the expression once before, he could recognize it anywhere. It hadn’t left his mind.

“Y-Yeah,” you stuttered, eyes squeezed shut and the burning in the pit of your stomach growing more intense with every second that passed. You both knew it wouldn’t take much more, but you were afraid he would pull away before you could. Jake’s arrogance left you constantly on edge, wondering if his words were true or laced with deception. Not in a terrible, untrustworthy way, but in a sense so minor that it made you second guess yourself, slowly driving you insane and leaving you begging for more. He’d never lie to you about anything important, but he was quite keen on being an asshole in the bedroom. That was part of his whole wicked agenda. You were certain he only harnessed such a persona to keep you guessing what his next move was, to keep you on his hook.

“Come on, angel.” He encouraged. The three words sent a rush of relief through you, settling the fear and letting you know he wanted it just as badly. He didn’t have to work much harder, because within a few seconds you were coming undone. It was a mess of heavy breathing and slurs of moans decorated with his name. He coaxed you through it, soaking up every detail of the experience as he watched you. “So beautiful,” he breathed, muttering the words to himself as you came down from the high. You would have missed his statement if you had not been immersed in every word and action he gave. Another rush of emotion ran through you, but this one was different than the normal feeling of arousal he usually produced within you. It was endearing, the type of statement that made your cheeks heat with a blush and a smile fight its way onto your lips. It was genuine, and you were certain you could live a lifetime surviving solely off of compliments from him.

He made a move to stand, sending you into a panic, worried he would decide he was going to leave again. He gave a small chuckle at your expression as he steadied himself on his feet. “Don’t leave.” You sat up, head still buzzing from the intensity of the orgasm. You planted your palms on the cushion of the couch to keep yourself upright. “Please.”

“I’m not, baby. Don’t worry.” He reached out, guiding your chin upwards with his hand so he could get a good look at your face. The worry in your eyes was evident, but the sincerity in his face rivalled it. You gave a small nod, opting to trust him. Your eyes drifted downwards, settling on the bulge in his jeans. He was clearly worked up himself, maybe even more than you were. He released his gentle hold on your face to undo his belt. You took in a long breath, trying to keep your excitement from showing to much.

He tossed the belt to the side, continuing his work at freeing himself from his pants. When his jeans and boxers were discarded on the floor, you bit down on the inside of your lip to keep yourself from letting out a gasp. He stood, fully exposed in front of you, and even more attractive than you could have imagined. You were no stranger to the fact that Jake was beautiful, but the sight before you was breathtaking. His cock was eye level with you, tip red and glistening with pre-cum, and even larger than anticipated. Your mouth was practically watering, and you felt your arousal growing more by the second. You reached out, grabbing his hand and pulling him a little closer to you. Before he could comprehend what you were doing, you had slipped off the couch and onto your knees in front of him.

You took him into your mouth, and although he wasn’t expecting it, it was more than welcomed. The relief he felt from the small act was quite evident. He let out a low groan, bringing his hand to the back of your head and gathering your hair. He kept a gentle hold on the strands, not enough to cause you any discomfort, but enough for you to know that he was still in control. You slowly worked yourself up to speed, focusing on the head for a moment before gaining the confidence to take him further. He didn’t push you, content with anything you were willing to give him. Despite his silence on the matter, he was desperate for you, too. After you familiarized yourself with him, your need for him grew. You relaxed your jaw, allowing easier access, and took him as far as you could. Once the feeling became less foreign, you started at a steady pace.

His grip in your hair tightened and his breathing sped, a sure sign that he thought you were doing a good job. “Fuck, y/n.” He groaned, doing his best to stop himself from thrusting in time with your movements. “Doing such a good job, angel.” He didn’t want to push you, but you were both at the point of forgoing any gentle nature. The pent-up frustration from recent events were coming to an explosive climax; any and all formalities of the first time were no longer needed, and the lust was driving you both feral for each other. Your gaze fluttered up to meet his face, your stature refusing to falter. When he caught your eyes, it looked as though it flipped a switch inside of him. His jaw hardened, stare narrowing and the hold on your hair grew tighter still. He pulled you off him for a moment, taking a second to catch his breath.

When your eyes connected, it was almost as if an unspoken agreement was made. As if he’d turned into a whole different person, an aura of dominance surrounded him with just a slight expression change. “Tap my leg twice if you want me to stop.” He ordered. You gave a nod, understanding that you were giving up any control you had previously. If it was anyone else, you might have been nervous to do so, but not with Jake. As much as he could piss you off by times, you trusted him in every sense of the word. “I need to hear the words.”

“I will.” You promised, assuring him you would be honest. He looked over your face for any sign of discomfort, but he was met with an excited expression. With that confirmation, any loving undertone in his concern disappeared. He roughly guided your head back to its earlier position, the tip of his cock resting on your lips. You had to take a second to process the sudden change, but wasn’t fast enough for his liking.

“Open.” He snapped. Your shock over the harsh word was evident, but the change was welcomed. You felt a burning sensation in the pit of your stomach, excited at the change in pace. You did as he asked, and he wasted no time taking advantage of the compliance. He started slower than you anticipated, but it didn’t last for long. Once you had adjusted to him once more, he held your head in place and set his own pace with his hips. You did your best to keep up with him, trying to steady your breaths and relax your muscles as much as you could. You had confidence in your ability, but you had to admit that it wasn’t an easy task. If he decided to push you further, you knew it was a possibility that you would have trouble taking his whole length, especially at such a pace. Still, you persevered, knowing that pleasing him was just as, if not more pleasurable than getting off yourself.

“You look so pretty with my cock in your mouth.” He growled. The blunt statement settling inside you, weighing you down like concrete had replaced your bones. The filthy praise was exhilarating, almost sending you into another orgasm from the sound alone. The new rush of arousal that took over you was primal, all fear of underperformance disappearing instantly. You reached your hand between your legs, fingers immediately finding your clit. You desperately searched for some sort of relief while he used you as he pleased.

The whole display was obscene, certainly not where you had expected to end up when you first joined him in the living room. Still, you couldn’t find it within yourself to be upset at the shift in plan. As immoral as it was, having sex with Jake seemed to ignite a whole new part of you that you weren’t sure even existed before. After years of lighthearted flings with boys who tried too hard to act like men, you believed sex was never going to be wholeheartedly enjoyable. Instead, it felt more like a chore by times. Just one night with Jake had you rethinking the entire belief, and now experiencing it again solidified the fact that you were wrong. Never in your life had you been so elated to be wrong about something.

As Jake noticed where your hand ended up, the knowledge seemed to fuel him further. As he fucked your mouth, he used his hand to push your head down in time with his thrusts. Even though you were content with the action, you had to admit that it was a little hard to handle. Your eyes were watering and you fought back a gag with every movement of his hips. You kept his words in mind, knowing that if you wanted him to stop, he would in a heartbeat. You decided you could keep up for a little while longer, mostly because you believed he wouldn’t be able to maintain his pace for any length of time. His breathing was ragged, he was glistening with sweat, and the moans slipping from his lips were pornographic. If he didn’t slow down, you were certain he was going to cum.

One particularly deep thrust caught you off guard, causing the gag you’d been holding back to surface. Your throat constricted around him while a few tears involuntarily slipped down your cheek. In your messy state, you felt his cock twitch in your mouth. Before you had time to worry if he was going to orgasm or not, he withdrew from you completely. It took him a moment before he moved or spoke. He had to calm himself down before you moved on to something new. After a few deep breaths, he carefully released his hold on your hair. His hand drifted to your cheek and he used his thumb to wipe away the stray tears that still lingered on your skin. Then, he guided your chin upwards so you he could fully see your face. He took in the sight, wishing he could sear it into his memory.

“Such a good girl,” he hummed, eyes flickering down to your hand between your legs. “Do you like being a little whore for me?” You watched him, wide-eyed and unsure of how to answer. You felt frozen, stopping your hands movement completely, wondering knowing if he wanted a verbal answer or if it was a trick question. His hand cupped your chin, settling it in the space between his thumb and index finger. When you didn’t respond, his fingers tightened against your cheeks, trying to pry a response from you. “Answer me,” his voice was low, but demanding.

“Yes,” you nodded against his grip.

“Yes, what?” You studied him for a moment, trying to pinpoint his desire. When you caught his eye, the answer seemed to come to you with ease.

“Yes, Sir.” You said, confidently. Although he wanted to keep his demeanour firm, you couldn’t help but notice that the corners of his lips upturned ever so slightly. You could both feel the connection; how easy it was to read each other, how easy it was to please each other.

“That’s it, sweetheart.” He muttered, loosening his grip on your face. “You liked it so much you couldn’t even wait for me to touch you?” Redness sprawled across your face at the question, suddenly embarrassed at the act of desperation. You quickly moved your hand, but the feeling of shame remained. “Don’t be shy, angel. S’okay.” He assured you, settling the unease that had risen within you. “Why don’t you let me help you out?” Your eyes fluttered closed, already imagining the feeling of him between your thighs again. After the thought passed, you thought it best to answer before he could change his mind.

“Yes, please.” You breathed. He let go of your face, reaching for you hand. You accepted the gesture and let him help you off the ground, noticing the ache in your knees from the hard floor.

He guided you to the couch once more, never straying from you as you sat down. He didn’t speak another word before he sunk down to his knees. He settled between your legs so naturally, like it was where he had always belonged and he’d been grievously suffering from homesickness. He hooked his arms under your thighs, pulling you to the edge of the cushion as he guided your legs over his shoulders. As he placed soft kisses to the sensitive skin of your thighs, you felt your upper body melt back into the sofa. You were excited for the next activity, but something about the gentle touch was soothingly sweet. “What have you done to me?” He mumbled, but you could feel him smiling against your skin. You reached down, tangling your fingers in his hair.

“What do you mean?” You asked, tone breathy from the closeness of his mouth to your heat.

“You’ve got me on my knees for you.” He let out a small chuckle, fingers grazing over your hips as he continued to litter marks over your thighs. “You didn’t even have to try.” You swallowed hard at the statement, realizing how quick and willing he was to abide to the change. You were both aware he was still in control, but it seemed as if he’d give you whatever you wanted with the snap of your fingers, now.

“I like it,” you smiled, the knowledge of his soft spot for you swelling your ego slightly. You knew he liked it too, even if he’d never admit it.

“I’d stay here all day if I could.” He confessed.

“Yeah?” You pressed.

“Mhm,” he hummed. “Waited all day, couldn’t stop thinking about how fucking good you taste.” With that, he brought his mouth to your cunt, not willing to wait for any type of response. You let a gasp out, an involuntary response to the feeling of his tongue on you again. His hands were talented beyond measure, but his mouth held power like no other; you were certain that if heaven was real, whatever was waiting for you beyond this lifetime was barely comparable to the euphoria Jake bestowed upon you. He ran his tongue through you, finally getting a taste of what he’d been doing to you. He let out a hum of appreciation, the small sound instantly sending a wave of pleasure through you.

You let your eyes flutter closed, enjoying the sensation as much as possible. When he’d gone down on you the first time, you believed there could be no greater pleasure. Now, you knew you were wrong. Your sobriety allowed you to fully immerse yourself in the moment, and it was better than anything you thought you felt the night prior. He started slow, taking his time really appreciate you. As much as he was pleasuring you, he was enjoying himself, too. Once he satisfied his need to tease you, he pulled back for a moment. “All of this for me, beautiful?” He asked, a small sigh sounding from him. You looked down, eyes casting over his face and soaking up his expression. He looked as if he’d just been gifted the opportunity of a lifetime to have you like this.

“All for you, baby.” You agreed, breathless just at the sight of him. His eyes fluttered closed at the sound of such a beautiful statement. He seemed as though he wanted to speak again, but couldn’t resist the temptation of what was in front of him. He pulled you down a little more, leaning forward to meet the motion. His tongue found your clit with an expert precision, like it was second nature to him. The warmth of his mouth mixed with the feeling of his fingers searing into your skin was overwhelming. You’d never admit it to him, but he already had you on the brink of an orgasm.

Without moving his mouth from you, he freed one of his arms from under your leg and guided it further to the side. The change in position couldn’t even take your mind off of the spell he was casting on you with his tongue. As if he thought he wasn’t already doing enough, he slipped his middle and ring finger inside you, gently curling his fingers upward as he did so. A guttural moan sounded from your lips, completely impossible to hold back. Your fingers tightened against the roots of his hair, a silent show of appreciation for his effort. The sound only seemed to drive him further as he placed his lips around your clit. As his fingers pumped into you, keeping the same momentum, he ever so slightly suctioned his cheeks.

With the curl of his fingers and the growing pressure on your clit, you were having a hard time keeping yourself quiet. Every movement seemed to coax another sound from you, in which he used for more motivation. He knew exactly how he was making you feel, and he was determined to continue doing so. He was encouraging you with his actions, and if he could, he’d be giving you all the praise in the world. To him, there was no better sound than the ones you were making for him. The knot forming in your belly was growing tighter by the second, both of you certain that your climax would come soon. In his true generous nature, he couldn’t find it within himself to deprive you of the feeling.

Within a few seconds of steady stimulation from both his hand and his mouth, you were coming undone below him. Profanities were slurred into the air, your grip on him tightened, and all of your muscles grew tense. Your chest heaved with shaky breaths you so badly wanted to take, but were struggling to find. The orgasm was intense, one that topped any other that came before. It was long, drawn out even further by his unwillingness to slow down. By the time the peak had passed, you had no time to recover before being thrown into another, more intense phase. He’d let up on the pressure on your clit, but his tongue had returned at a steady rhythm. His fingers were still pumping into you, hitting the sweet spot that he had found and refused to give up.

The normal post-orgasm overstimulation was quite unlike this one; it was unpleasant, mostly, and would usually cause a person to shy away from touch. The feeling that came over you while he continued was new, intense and searing through every nerve in your body, but not uncomfortable. The gentle nature of his movements were pleasurable in a whole new sense. He barely had to work for another climax. You thought that maybe it had to do with how badly your body had been craving him, how desperate you had been for his touch. It was the logical answer, but the more pressing idea was hard to overlook. The one that told you Jake was just that good. That whatever entity controlled him, or whatever entity he was, could make the most painful situations seem pleasant.

His ability to pleasure you without knowing anything about your body was unfathomable, like he’d been born solely for the purpose. Every touch was exhilarating, ever glance or expression was laced with deeper meaning, and every word was coated with a type of emotion you couldn’t fake. As much as you wanted to believe that he was possessed by the devil, you had to find a more logical explanation, but one that came to mind was much less of a comfort than the initial belief. As he guided you into another orgasm with the grace of an angel, your heart ached at the newest revelation your mind had presented.

Jake knew you so well, could pinpoint every lie and pick up on any hidden emotion, knew exactly how to please you, and knew exactly how to draw you in for one simple reason; he’d been watching you, the same way you had been watching Sam. He studied every minor detail that nobody else cared to look for, and instead of you noticing his distant admiration, you were caught up in loving his brother, who in turn was doing the same to you. The twisted nature of the situation had not begun the night before because of too much vodka and a game of beer pong. The situation had been begging to be resolved for a long time, the universe imploring someone to make a move, just to end the tireless circle of suffering. Jake was in love with you, and you were in love with Sam, and nobody picked up on the sorrow until you had all had enough.

You tried to convince yourself that it wasn’t true, that you hadn’t hurt Jake the same way his brother had been hurting you, but it was impossible to convince yourself otherwise. He even said it himself, before you found yourself in a mess of tangled limbs and unspoken truths. He liked you, and it hadn’t begun when you partnered up for a friendly match of pong. It had been blooming for a long time. The lesson you’d been dreading with Sam had manifested itself into one big lecture, now coming from every angle. And, as everyone knows, the karmic tendencies of the universe had never been forgiving. Instead of learning about what the world intended for you to know, you ignored it until it was too late. Your karma was exactly where you were in that moment; still in love with Sam, but undoubtedly falling for Jake, too. Whether that be in lust or love, you didn’t know. Instead of making the easy choice and facing up to the facts when they first arose, you now had a long road of difficult decisions ahead, and you didn’t want to let go of either feeling.

Before you could dwell any deeper about your profound regrets and emotions, a jolt of pleasure ran through you, stronger than the ones previous. Through the overstimulation, Jake had pried yet another orgasm from you at the most malicious time possible.

“F-fuck!” You expelled, head falling back deeper into the cushion. You were clenching around his hand, the burning in your stomach unwilling to settle. Your legs were shaking, hand keeping an iron grip on his hair while you cried out his name. He tapered his speed, slowing down so you could catch your breath for a moment.

“That’s it, angel.” His voice vibrated through you, making every bit of pleasure just a little more intense. “Such a good girl. Doing so good for me.” The words, the orgasm, the caring aura he was radiating were all more than enough to make a person fall in love, but emotions were the last thing you wanted to think about. After only a day, you were exhausted over stressing about the future and refusing to enjoy the present moment. So, without any fear of what was to come next, you leaned forward, pulling his head towards you at the same time, and brought him into a kiss. It was needy, sloppy, and not really well executed, but you didn’t care. You wanted access to every inch of him, finally submitting to the part of you begging to be consumed by him.

The devil doesn’t bargain; merely coerces you to see things his way, and he wanted you to believe that the worst decisions felt the best.

Jake broke the kiss, quickly moving to the spot beside you on the couch. You didn’t have time to process the change before he was scooping his arm under you and pulling you on top of him. You let your legs settle on either side of him, content with the new position. He guided your face back down to his, already yearning for another kiss. As your mouths were connected, he used one of his hands to lightly tap your ass, imploring you to sit up a little more. You obliged, feeling him reach under you to line himself up with your entrance. Instead of pulling you down onto him, he pulled back from the kiss.

“You okay?” He checked in, a bit breathless.

“Yeah,” you nodded, no promise ever holding as much truth as that one. He waited a moment, just to give you enough time to change your mind if you wanted to. When he was met with a staggering silence and a hopeful gleam in your eye, he used his hands to guide your hips down on his cock.

When he bottomed out inside you, you both let out a mutual sigh of relief. The feeling was long overdue, and you were growing impatient with the lack of movement almost instantly. He took one of his hands and cupped your cheek, his fingers tangling in the hair that was hanging over your face. He let his thumb dance over the soft skin, silently begging you to look at him. Your eyes drifted towards his face, but you almost wished they hadn’t. The expression he adorned was far more alluring than anything you had ever seen. It was so beautiful that you wished you could live in that moment for the rest of your life. It was excruciating.

Captivated in his face, you slowly began to rock your hips, giving both of you the pleasure you had been craving. The hand that remained on your hip tightened, fingers digging into your skin in the most delicious way. He moved his other hand to the back of your neck, pulling you towards him. You rested your forehead on his, basking in the intimacy. Although the softness was unexpected, you were thoroughly enjoying being so close to him. You steadied yourself with a palm on his shoulder, your other hand clasped around his arm that was holding you to him. “Does that feel good, angel?” He asked, voice low and full of lust. “This is what you wanted?”

“God, yes.” You groaned, the feeling of him inside you amplified even further by the sound of his voice. With every roll of your hips, he used extra force to bring you down onto him, just for an added effect of pleasure. The tip of his cock was hitting your cervix as you moved, making up for the slow pace by intensifying the sensation.

“I could fuck you all day,” he muttered, tightening his grip on you a bit more. “All of those pretty noises, those pretty faces… you’re driving me crazy, y/n.” He confessed, taking a sharp intake of breath as you sunk down on him again. “Feel so fucking good.” His hand snaked down to your back, pulling your body closer to him. You straightened yourself up, bracing your hand on the back of the couch for better support.

Your chest was now eye level with him, and in his true nature, he couldn’t pass up an opportunity. He ghosted a few kisses over your collarbones, gently sucking marks into the delicate skin, and even leaving a gentle bite when the moment permitted. He worked his way down to your breasts, pulling a hardened nipple into his mouth. The new sensation was overwhelming, making your eyelids flutter closed and your head to fall back in bliss. Being loved by Jake in any way was blissful, and how you were feeling was reflective of the thoughts that had already been swarming your head. Before you could succumb to any more ponderings, he gently bit down on the nipple he had been focusing on, causing you to let out a sharp gasp of shock. You could feel him smiling against you as you did so, forcing an eye-roll from you. He was still an asshole, but it was oddly charming. You couldn’t find it within yourself to be annoyed with him.

Instead, you upped your antics, rolling your hips faster and coming down on him harder. The new pace made it impossible to hold back any noises, the room filled with slurs of moans and the sound of skin on skin. You could tell he was enjoying it, too. The low groans that were muted by his mouth on you only drove you to work harder. Knowing you were pleasing him was orgasm-inducing. His fingertips were searing into your skin, his hold equivalent to that of someone who was taking life-saving measures. You were both worked up, your bodies begging you to succumb to the orgasms you so desperately wanted. Neither of you were willing to end such a fantastic moment so soon, one that had been bound to happen for a length of time. You wanted it to last forever, even if it was impossible. The thought of living in the cloud of bliss he was consuming you with was a comfort, almost as if nothing could ever go wrong as long as he never left.

“Baby,” he breathed, making an attempt to slow your hips but failing miserably. As much as he wanted to hold back, he was too far gone to slow down. “Gotta slow down, m’gonna cum.” He warned. The burning in the pit of your stomach reached a new level, his words only driving you to go faster. You knew it wouldn’t be long before you came undone, too. When you showed no sign of stopping, his head fell back into the couch cushion in a show of defeat. “Y/n.” He let out another warning, but it was too late. With a few more seconds of continuous movement, you had reached your peak. Your fingers grasped at him, holding yourself up as you cried his name. Your climax seemed to break the willpower he possessed. He brought both hands to your hips, muttering a few curses as he came, too.

“Fuck, Jake.” You moaned, trying to ride the high for as long as you could. As your hips came to a stop, you expected a whirlwind of comfort, for him to hold you close and enjoy the bare intimacy of the post-orgasm low. Instead, it was as if a new man were below you. In one swift motion, he shifted and roughly laid you down on the couch without ever withdrawing. As if it were instinct, you wrapped your legs around him, an invitation for whatever he was doing. When you caught sight of his eyes, you realized the soft Jake you’d seen previously had dissipated. The persona was replaced by a feral look, sex-crazed and angry with his loss of control.

“You don’t know how to fucking listen?” He growled, looking over your face for a hint of discomfort. Your features held shock, but no doubt that you wanted to continue. He used a free hand to arrange a throw pillow by your head, ensuring your comfortability despite his annoyance. “I told you, sweetheart, you don’t get to call the shots.” He reminded.

“M’sorry, sir.” You squeaked, slightly embarrassed that you’d pissed him off so badly, but when you looked deep enough into his eyes, you could tell his facade was just as such: an act. He wasn’t willing to walk away from you so soon, orgasm or not. You hadn’t really derailed any plans, because he’d already been certain he’d fuck you for as long as he possibly could.

“Are you?” He pried, supporting his weight on the cushion below you. The new position was delightful; he had never looked more ethereal than when he was on top of you. “Or are you just saying it because you want me to let you cum again?”

“I mean it.” You promised, completely entranced by his beauty. He was having a hard time keeping the tough exterior up, watching you look at him with so much admiration. Behind the act, he was looking at you just the same.

“Prove it, then. Be a good girl for me, okay?” He said. “Can you do that, angel?” You gave a nod, but realized your mistake before he could chastise you for it.

“Yes, I can, sir.” You promised.

“I know you can, baby.” He hummed. “You know your colours?” You watched him for a moment, waiting for him to speak again. “Green means you’re okay, yellow means slow down, red means stop.”

“Okay.” You agreed.

“If you can’t talk, tap me twice.” He said. Your eyebrows furrowed, questions blooming in your mind more by the second. Before you had a chance to ask any, he withdrew and slammed his hips back into you with a force that made your head spin. You let an involuntary yelp out, shocked at his suddenness, but he paid no mind to it. He was already focused on keeping his strength and his pace the same, not worried about anything else unless you were to tell him to stop.

A guttural groan sounded from you, the new angle he was hitting sending waves of pleasure through every nerve in your body. You were certain that there was nobody in the world who could make you feel that good, because you’d never experienced anything like it before. The noises you were making were filthy, absolutely sinful, and he was loving every second of it. Once you had grown used to his thrusts, he used his free hand to reach down between your bodies and find your clit again. He did so with ease, barely even struggling to keep his hand in place as he moved his hips. The added stimulation was enough to push you close to the edge again, and he barely had to work for it. Then again, he barely had to work for any of the orgasms so far. You thought, if there was such a thing as an expert at sex, he would take the crown.

You were already sensitive from the previous climaxes, making his job that much easier. He couldn’t help but let a cocky smirk grace his face, knowing he already had you where he wanted you to be. Your eyes were closed, the pleasure too much to keep them open and focused on anything. Your stomach was burning, head spinning, and lungs aching from the inability to catch your breath. “Not yet, baby.” He warned, knowing you were teetering on the edge.

“I-I can’t,” you stuttered, hoping he wouldn’t make you hold it back.

“You can.” He snapped, not letting up on either of his movements.

“Jake,” you whined, not wanting to disobey the order but knowing you might not be able to control it.

“Shut up.” He hissed, applying a bit more pressure to your clit with his thumb. You clenched your teeth, a violent growl sounding from your chest at your frustration. He couldn’t expect to keep up his pace and not let you cum; the two did not coincide with each other. His request was unreasonable, but you tried your best to comply. You bit down on the inside of your lip, a desperate attempt to distract yourself from the orgasm that was so desperate to be had. It worked for a moment, the pain taking away your focus from his antics. Next was breathing, you focused your breaths to be steady, internally coaxing yourself through the process.

After a few agonizing moments, you were a mess. All of the coping techniques were useless, and you were seconds away from cumming. “Jake, I can’t.” You said again, more serious this time. He knew you weren’t joking; the redness of your cheeks and the glisten of sweat on your forehead was a dead giveaway. When he didn’t respond, you gave up hope that you could push through.

“Cum for me, baby.” He demanded. The four words were the most beautiful ones you’d ever heard. In a mess of moans that resembled more like screams, you came undone once more. Your legs locked around him tighter than before, limiting his movements as you submitted to the pleasure. As you came down, he slowly removed his thumb from you, but didn’t slow his hips. The loss of contact made it easier to deal with the overstimulation from the sensitivity. “Does that feel better?” He crooned, but his tone did not match his movement. His soft voice was an oxymoron to the power behind his hips.

“Mhm,” you managed to give him a sound of agreement, but your brain was only focused on the feeling of him inside you. It felt fantastic, but was beginning to border on pain as continued at the relentless speed. Even so, it was a phenomenal experience, and you never wanted him to stop.

“Such a pretty little whore,” he managed out amidst a moan of his own, clearly getting himself off to the state you were in. Another groan tore through you, the only way you could express your delight at his filthy nickname. Words were unable to form in your brain, any complex thought completely disappeared and was only replaced with his name. His existence was suffocating, but you loved it. It was so wonderful that you almost felt the need to thank him, even if it was slowly killing you. “Give me one more, baby. You can do it.” He attempted to sound demanding, but he was pleading with you. You were surprised he had the stamina to continue so steadily, but you knew he was getting close to another orgasm, too.

“I don’t know,” you cried, genuinely believing you had no more to give him. He took the hand that had been anchored beside you, and slowly trailed his fingers up your body. He focused on your nipple for a moment, gently pinching it and rolling it between his fingers. The feeling caused your or arch your back off the couch, allowing him deeper access to you if it was even possible. He moved on from your breast, but not after palming it and gently squeezing it in his hand. He had been so focused on pleasing you that you couldn’t even chastise him for it; the simple joy he got from the action allowed you to look past the boyish nature.

“You can, sweet girl.” He encouraged. The change from the term sweetheart was new, but very charming. The adoration laced within the words was enough to ignite the fire in you again. His hand drifted upwards still, landing gently on your neck. The touch was welcomed, but he was cautious about your comfort. “Colour.”

“Green.” You assured him.

“Remember what I said?”

“Tap twice.” He gave a nod, happy with your answer. With that, his fingers began to close on your neck, slowly but surely cutting off the blood supply to your head.

“Come on, angel.” He gave the small statement of motivation, hoping it would help you get there. Part of it was because he was desperate to see you cum again, finding it more addictive than any substance. The other part was because he was close, and he refused to give in until he was certain he’d done everything he could to please you. Your head was spinning, not dangerously enough to cause concern, but enough to heighten the insatiable fire coursing through your veins. “I need it, baby. Just one more.” He begged, throwing the dominant tone out the window.

Your heart was pounding against your chest, vision slightly blurry and mind foggy. The only thing keeping you in the realm of reality was his dulcet voice and beautiful words. His face, although shining with sweat and hair sticking to the skin, was one of the most enchanting things you had ever seen. Even if you could, you wouldn’t be able to deny him of the wish. Even as fucked out as you were, there was this small part of your brain that was screaming at you to give him whatever he wanted. It was the devil, maybe, or it was just your heart giving in to the generosity he’d shown you in the last few hours. Whatever it was, you were determined to please him, and it wasn’t hard to do.

He tightened his hold a little more, the small action enough to send you spiralling over the edge again. You let in a choked breath, trying to fill your burning lungs with a hint of air as your legs shook and your eyes squeezed shut. “That’s it,” he groaned. “That’s my girl.” He held his grip until he reached his peak, too, and you both rode the high together. He gradually let go of the pressure he was holding on with, allowing the blood flow to resume and bring you back to earth. Once you had relaxed against him, your mind was able to produce thought again. Your chest slowed, finally suffice with the amount of air in your lungs. You opened your eyes, immediately met with the sight of his smiling face.

You couldn’t help but give one back, finding his joy incredibly infectious. He leaned down, placing a kiss on your lips. You reached up, pulling him closer to you. He slowly let himself down, resting on top of you. You were a mess of sweaty bodies and tangled limbs, but completely content with the position and comforted by the intimacy. He was still resting inside of you, not caring about the mess you’d both made. He just wanted to be close to you, and you did, too. He broke the kiss, instead letting his lips trail over any available body part. You quickly realized that out of every version of Jake you knew, aftercare Jake was your favourite. Every movement was laced with care and love, making sure that every crude action or word was known to be an act. Your body was exhausted, your mind was, too, but you were more than willing to stay awake all night just to be able to continue experiencing the affection.

“Glad I stayed?” He asked, smiling against the skin of your collarbone. You rolled your eyes, but let out a small laugh.

“I think you just need me to want you.” You joked, but he didn’t laugh.

“Yeah, I do.” He agreed, looking up at you through strands of messy hair. “Of course I do.” Your stomach sank, rattled by the blunt honesty. “It’s the best feeling in the whole world.”

No devils advocate for the sinful desire could overpower the guilty conscience that took over. Jake felt the same for you as you did for his brother, and it was gut wrenching to realize that no matter what destination the road was leading to, it would still be painful for someone. As certain as you were for your love for Sam, you couldn’t deny the fact that you were falling for Jake, fast and incomprehensibly hard. In attempt to ward the thoughts away, you pulled him into your chest again. You wrapped him in a hug filled with emotion, an apology hidden deep within the action. You held him there for long enough that it made the revelations disappear.

Wake up in the morning,

see your sunrise loves to go down

#gvf #greta van fleet #jake kiszka #danny wagner #josh gvf #sam gvf #danny gvf #jake gvf #sam kiszka #gvf fic #sam kiszka gvf #gvf smut #gvf x reader #gvf series #gvf fanfiction #sammy gvf #greta van fleet fic #greta van fleet smut #greta van fleet imagine #greta van fleet fluff #jake kiszka fic #jake kiszka fanfic #jake kiszka x reader #jake kiszka gvf #jake kiszka series #jake kiszka smut #sam kiszka smut #sam kiszka fic #sam kiszka x reader #builtbybrokenbells

[prettyeyesnof4ce]

S.M.S.

Matt Murdock x f!reader

Summary: my rendition of sleepy morning sex with matt. that’s it, that’s the fic.

WC: 2.6k

Tags: dom!matt, his annoying tone, size kink(?), unprotected p in v, matt finishes inside (MDNI)

A/N: based on this ramble in particular, also if you couldn’t tell already, the title does not stand for “short message service”, but rather the literal abbreviation for this prompt. enjoy. also i’m happy to be back!

Read on AO3 Masterlist

The pleasure of early mornings was something you cherished. It helped that Matt practically required the intimacy. With warmth radiating between the both of you, the prospect of retreating beneath the covers for another hour or so never failed to tempt you. Clothes in disarray, breathing patterns in synchronicity, squished close in such a nauseating way, it remained ever so joyous and never tiresome. 

On rare occasions, you’d wake before Matt and the alarm clock, allowing you to writhe in the comfort of having him so close. Cutting past the displeasure of knowing you needed to be at work in an hour, all you were left with was the rise and fall of Matt’s chest. You didn’t need to calculate that he was still in deep sleep, being able to in the first place thanks to your part in whatever pile of tangled limbs you would devolve into through the night. Aforementioned, the shared warmth soothed his mind, you were a key part in the complicated lock that was Matt’s sleep routine.

Never mind all that though, you had appreciated this exact moment enough times before, it was time to initiate what you felt like you deserved. 

~

Tracing along his skin, you followed that large vein that stretched from the inside of his arm down to the crevice of his elbow. You wondered how his body still managed to be a sight for sore eyes in its resting state.

The light tapping along his arms inevitably awoke him. The blanket you shared was just below where his belly button stopped and his trail began, it sent you into more of a whirlwind than gazing at his arm muscles. 

Were his boxers always that low? You felt dumb for running that question in your mind, but nonetheless acknowledging his naked torso closer than usual made you bothered. 

Stopping those absentminded movements, your hand rested into a soft fist on his chest. He had to have been aware by now as he stirred suddenly, eyes blinking rapidly and sniffling. Been aware of the heat burning inside you, brighter than usual. Those wandering eyes of yours never went undetected, much less your pounding below.

It was almost as if he knew your thoughts, having pulled the duvet the rest of the way up to pry your seeking eyes away. 

“ ‘m cold, aren’t you?” Matt quipped.

The silence that followed was louder than the sound of your blood pumping with aggression between your thighs, a pattern in which Matt studied ever since he awoke.

“Looking for something, sweetheart?” Matt spoke suddenly, half heard due to your ear pressed firmly in the crook of his collarbone. Index finger tracing the same path from the top of his bicep to the elbow again, you struggled to say anything that didn’t alarm him to your secondary agenda even further. It was a lost cause though, that shit-eating grin already making its first appearance of the day.

“What happened to ‘good morning’, hm?” you retorted eventually, cheek squishing against his skin as you mimicked his smile that you didn’t have to peer up at. 

“Could ask you the same thing” Matt tilted his head down to peck your forehead, humming a little in the process.

‘Shit’ you thought. Was it really that obvious? You never wanted to underestimate his abilities, yet every time he called your bluff it felt like the first time. 

 He often reminded you to never refrain from using your words, but this time it was too early and he was too sleepy for such reassuring niceties. 

“What do you want, sweetheart?” With that condescending tone he mumbled those words, almost as if to nudge you into telling him just what you fucking wanted. 

What gave you confidence to speak up was reminding yourself of the fact that your own arousal got him bothered just as much as you. Soaring with that sudden energy, you took to doing the literal means that your body spoke to him. 

Nothing kept him under your grasp quite like your voice, adoring when your words were the only thing he could hear in the moment. It rang like sweet liquid trickling once in contact with Matt’s ears, soothing him particularly during those times where he was tired from the previous night's activities. He’d swear it was the second best remedy to meditating.

But coupling that with pornographic undertones, that’s what sent his own blood pumping. Talking dirty right to his face, reverberating into his being and dispersing through his senses. It was your own personal weapon, a deadly knife ready to cut deep, right at your disposal.

It made sense to Matt, it wasn’t rocket science. Your calm and swift voice taking a chokehold on his almost depraved desires, it was all he wanted and more. Plain and simple.

“I need your warmth, Matthew” you spoke quietly, toying with the dip in his sternum, adding to the tentative yet innocent tone you led with.

“...need you to stuff me full” 

His chest almost caved in at once when he drew a heavy scoff, a wide smile promptly stretching his face.

“That can be arranged” He mumbled, turning his head to the left in your direction. Suddenly he was acutely aware of your leg positioning, the inside of your thigh pressing against the bottom hem of his boxers. The heat of it being so close to his hardening erection sent nerves bunching in his abdomen. You could only imagine how unique his experience of arousal was, his entire body most likely becoming one giant soundboard, keys individually wired to every synapse in his brain. Hit the right ones and you’ve got an irrefutable code. Hardwired to self destruct.

Acting on that thought, you rutted your pelvis impossibly closer to his side, mound resting against his hip. The sheer texture of your arousal seeping through the thin fabric was enough to make his hairs surrender.

“Wanna soak you with my cum, Matthew” 

His gentle smirk dissolved into a slack expression, Adam's apple bobbing, in a mixture of shock and disbelief. Just a couple words and actions were all it took to get him hot, Matt reveling in that fact almost everyday. You were his kryptonite. 

Bunching up the gray fabric in a newly formed fist, it signaled how stiff he was, expressing the desperation for you to continue.

“What else?” He stammered, wetting his lip. Matt moved his right hand to cup the small of your waist, caressing your back slightly.That hand placed on you soon palming at the skin it found, his fingers kneading anxiously. 

“Just that, just want you…” Deciding that you used your voice enough, you took his temple in hand and motioned him toward you, soon being joined by your chill morning lips. Becoming desperate in a matter of seconds, Matt didn’t know where to grab, hands sliding up and down your clothed back and shoulders. He attempted to rid you of the oversized shirt you had slept in, only for those wandering hands to be stopped by words uttered between the kisses.

“Nuh–uh, it’s cold in here, remember?”

“Well, then i’ll just take off what’s necessary” Matt breathed, pursed lips turning into that specific devilish grin he flashed right before madness would ensue.

 His cold digits tickled your sensitive skin as they fumbled to get those damn panties down your hips and off your legs before he became impatient. It has definitely occurred more than once in Matt’s desperation to fuck you that he’s damaged your undergarments, earning a light slap from you in the process. The sound of that delicate fabric ripping signified one thing; he was the only one allowed to soil you in the multitude of ways he could.

In one fell swoop, he had thrown them off, while you slid your hand below his boxers, exploring the delicious texture of his treasure trail. Of which you were ogling before, what started this whole thing in the first place. Laying on him in that way unlocked a perfect angle to admire his toned figure, lines and ridges providing little to the imagination, especially in that low waisted underwear he chose as his favorite. 

The throaty grunt that Matt let out after you grabbed his cock would make you twitch, wetness now exceeding your closed lips and leeching onto your inner thighs. 

Despite the both of you half pulled from sleep, you still managed to find the energy to communicate through carnal need. It was like a language that required no actual words, just the brain working in tangent with sexual desire, no effort at all. 

Wordlessly, he pried and medled between your folds to reach the aggressive drum of your core, earning a similar grunt to his. This half-assed version of foreplay was surprisingly working, yet through the pleasure, Matt knew this wasn’t what you intended. 

“Get on top ‘f me, sweetheart” He urged, pulling his own boxers down far enough for his dick to go free. Loving the way it pumped full of blood with ache, the sight was much more preferred than touching it under the cover of darkness. It was ready to receive your undivided attention.

Stabilizing yourself on his chest, you hurriedly swooped your leg to straddle him, Matt getting his legs and pelvis ready to support you. Looking down at those half lidded eyes, red lips, with a smile perched at the corner, you couldn’t refuse to let him wreck you before the sun could even peek through the sky.

He could tell in the way you went silent that you thought about what the next 10 minutes would entail. Replaying those words from earlier, he reveled in how you so pointedly asked him to stuff you.

 “Mmm c’mere” Matt managed to mumble, already enjoying the thought of ruining you without having to switch positions from where he slept. Holding you close with one hand while the other lazily gripped your hip, he left lingering kisses with little “mmm's" in between. The tip had bumped heads with your core, the icy bead of pre-cum ready to be smeared at your entrance. 

 Matt was still a sucker to hear you say you needed him, having a penchant for that validation hidden in the consent to go ahead. He was waiting for you to grow impatient.

After hanging onto your lip with the edge of his teeth, he murmured a silent “Well, go ahead, you need me, right?” 

He was right of course but oh fuck you. Fuck you. 

Sitting back up straight, you steadied yourself on his kneecaps, unbreaking your gaze down to him. With that you sunk down onto him, silently hoping that the ‘foreplay’ sufficed. Meanwhile, the fucker had this complex where he knew no matter how much you warmed up, you’d still make the same sounds as if there were no preparation. Matt drowned himself in that revelation, making fucking you all the more fun.

“...need…you… ah–” It never got easier to take Matt, your cunt having to accommodate its width every single time . Head neatly parting you open, Matt winced at the contact, a silent “ fuck ” even. 

He feigned to give you any aid whatsoever, hands remaining stagnant on your hips, waiting for that specific breath you drew right before you whined about his size. An “O” would form on your face as your efforts only got half of him buried.

“Do you want some help, sweetheart?” It was quiet and beckoning, yet every time he asked that question it felt humiliating, what it really radiated was the most power-tripped tone known to man. 

Sighing, you abandoned all dignity. A meek “ please ” would be enough before he stationed his feet better ready to rut up into you.

Bracing yourself to feel the rest of him, you bit your lip when he bucked upward. Matt wasn’t satisfied until he heard the internal *pop* that came with sheathing his entire length into you.

 “There’s my girl” He cooed upon your much needed exhale, thumbs stroking your thighs as a small “ thank you for taking me so well ”. Your walls fluttered effortlessly at the force, warmth filling you up like liquid fire. 

That smirk returned to his face, Matt intentionally faltering his help, letting you take the floor. After all, it was you who begged to be stuffed, and he had fulfilled that, hadn’t he?

Knees digging into the sheets at his sides, you bounced slowly, still adjusting to Matt’s thick cock. It only remained a struggle for a moment, until you reminded yourself why you needed him so badly. To be comforted by his warmth.

“Use me, angel” He grunted low, eventual sighs of pleasure escaping you as you figured out a pace that wasn’t too much to handle. Shivers would erupt along your body, and not due to the temperature of the air, but the sensation of Matt hitting that sponge-y spot inside you. You hadn’t noticed yet, but it wasn’t for nothing, Matt actually holding onto you while tentatively meeting your strokes.

Matt, in his bliss, and probable slumber still in his being, mumbled words of encouragement. 

Something to the amount of  “--feel s’ good ‘round me…filling you up s’ good–”, which only amplified your own bliss, tempting you to egg him on back.

“Matthew– fuck ” Losing grip on his knees, you retreated to his chest, in the process allowing you to grind slightly faster, syncing better with his thrusts in a more forceful way. In the heat of it all, you could still appreciate the way his muscles tensed below, sweat covering each others’ skin.

“Love it when you say m’ name, angel– ah ” Matt raised his head off the pillow, just when your walls clenched tighter around him, the squelches of your cunt lovingly doing it for him. Even through all the slumber, he couldn’t ignore the near euphoric experience of ruining you with his well-endowment. 

“Kiss me” Meeting his lips again without breaking the pace, you whimpered into his mouth as to say “ harder ”, and he obeyed.

Fucking up into you relentlessly, Matt dug his nails into your flesh, your eyes surrendering under shut lids as the knot pulled tighter and tighter. Undoubtedly, the bed was creaking and the scent of sex flooded the air. 

“Hmm, you gonna soak m’soon, angel?” His words got closer in speed, the word ‘angel’ lurching behind your head and cementing itself in your thoughts. You needed to come undone around him. Now.

“Huh, wh’was that?” He stifled his own moans just to interrogate you, condescension coming back with intent now. Matt would delay his own release just to prod and pick at your frayed edges. Guiding you to that ledge.

He groaned one last time as he came dangerously close “Can’t hear you, sweetheart” 

Whimpering, you could only express what you felt with one word.

“ Matty!–” 

It snapped, and you were shoved into the abyss, your pelvis pathetically twitching as they tried to match his unwavering thrusts, making you come impossibly harder. Your cunt clenched rapidly, his cock twitching in response to the sensation. Eyes squeezing shut, he held onto any surface of you tight.

He would cry out through gritted teeth, your name coming out in varying keys as the heat dispersing took the wind out of him. His cum melded with your walls, that warmth causing you to whine a few “yeah’s” and “yes’s”. Matt fucked you full of his cum, hot and satisfying as you came down. You reaped what you sowed.

With the slumber now knocked out of you, and heat instilled in your bodies, you took to circling back to the conversation previous. 

“It is cold in here” you giggled, bringing the duvet back up over the two of you, Matt remaining tucked inside. 

“Told you” He kissed your forehead, hands pressed firmly into your back as your head was now resting beneath the other collarbone. Matt held you close as that grin of content tugged at his lips, the steadying of your heartbeat and breath letting him doze back off.

~

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#matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x you #daredevil fanfiction #daredevil x reader #matt murdock fanfic #matt murdock smut #scythe.nsfw #scythe.publishings #matt murdock

[player1064]

Ok after the amazing angst one about their first time might I request a hurt/comfort… I love the complications of them being secretly together as players. Maybe Gary (srry bby) gets injured in a match and it’s scholes that has to tell Jamie and that’s how they come out to their friends or to the world, maybe Jamie’s there, idkkkkkk but something in the following of the SAF finding out one? 😁❤️

tbh like. at this point this is fully just a full length fic. perhaps I'm insane about them...

LOVE the idea of them being together in their playing days. wish I could find footage of Gary breaking his ankle but there's none!!!!!

Set as a sort of prequel to this one from a few days ago

---

17th March 2007

Jamie is on the team bus headed for Birmingham when it happens. Up front, the radio is playing match coverage, but he’s sat further back, he and Stevie too busy holding court with the players sat around them to pay it much attention. It’s always a good idea to keep an eye on what United are doing, but as it stands they’re twenty points clear of Liverpool and are certainly going to get another three today – it’s only Bolton, and they’re at home too.

So, he’s on the bus when it happens, but he doesn’t find out until the team is sat around watching Match of the Day later that evening. Even then, he doesn’t get to see the footage, the only mention that anything happened at all being a short “Gary Neville came off after 11 minutes with an ankle injury.”

His teammates cheer and Jamie tries to laugh along, but all he can think is why hasn’t he texted.

“Reckon that’s him off England squad this summer, then” Stevie says, grinning, “finally, some peace and quiet. An’ they’ll be needing someone to step in for ‘im, Carra, you might get more minutes.”

“I fuckin’ hate playin’ right back,” he groans, rolling his eyes (why hasn’t he texted why hasn’t he texted why hasn’t he texted).

He makes a show of looking at the clock, says something about needing to call his parents to let them know he’s got to the hotel alright, and high-tails it out of there to go back to his and Stevie’s empty room.

Still no texts, so he brings Gary’s number up and calls, pacing the floor while it rings.

It takes longer than usual, but eventually he’s greeted with a quiet “’lo?” and breathes a sigh of relief.

“Are y’alright, love?” he asks quickly, his words rushing together. “Only just heard, else I’d’ve called sooner – what ‘appened? That twat Lineker was so vague.”

There’s a long pause, long enough that Jamie starts to wonder if his signal’s dropped out, and then:

A voice which he now hears is definitely not Gary, saying “this is Scholes.”

“Fuck,” he hisses, and snaps his phone shut.

His phone starts ringing a few seconds later.

Jamie, because maybe he’s a bit stupid, answers it.

“Yeah?”

“Er,” he hears Scholes say, “Who’m I speakin’ to, exactly? Gaz’s only got this number saved as ‘J’.”

“Um,” Jamie says, panicking. “I’m just a friend of ‘is, heard he got injured so wanted to check he were alright.”

“’e’s still waitin’ on some scans, but they reckon it’s broken,” Scholes says. “Gaz doesn’t really have friends, does he, outside of team. An’ you sound –”

“—Okay, good t’hear he’s alright, bye then.”

Jamie snaps his phone shut again and tosses it onto his bed, wipes both hands down his face.

Broken. Fuck. That’s him out for the remainder of the season, then, he’ll be devastated. At least he’s already racked up enough appearances to get a medal when United inevitably win the league, not that the prick needs another one of those.

This thing of theirs, whatever it actually is, it’s not been going on that long. Not even a full year, if you’re ignoring the few mistaken fumbles at England camps over the years and only counting from when they’d made it – not official, exactly, because again Jamie’s not entirely sure what it is they’d be making official – but as close to official as it’s likely to get.

Gary, the prick, would probably give him a smack if he said all that to him. It all comes a lot easier to him, the – the words, and the feelings. Jamie can almost hear him now, why’s everythin’ always so complicated w’you, Jamie, stop bein’ a baby and just admit I’m your boyfriend.

His ankle is probably broken. Jamie should be there.

He has a match tomorrow.

He sits on the end of his bed, hunched over with his head in his hands while he tries to sort through the mess in his head to work out what he’s meant to do. There’s a buzzing in his head that feels so loud he doesn’t notice the soft click of the door opening until there’s a dip in the mattress beside him and Stevie’s hand patting him on the shoulder.

“Y’alright, lad?” he asks gently, shifting his hand to rub firm circles on Jamie’s back. “We’re headin’ down for dinner soon, boss sent me to find you.”

“I’m fine,” he says automatically, but when he looks up he can see the disbelief in Stevie’s face. “I am, I just – if somethin’ happened to Alex, like, if she’d been hurt. Would you go home? Even if you’re meant to be startin’ tomorrow?”

“Of course,” Stevie replies, like he doesn’t even have to think about it. “’Course I would, you know that. She’s – y’know, she’s the mother of my children, in’t she? I’d drop anythin’.”

Jamie groans, puts his face back in his hands. “’s not helpful, Stevie.”

“Well, no, ‘cause you don’t ‘ave kids.” Stevie pauses for a second, frowns. “Unless you –”

“—No!” Jamie says quickly, shaking his head. “Christ, y’think I could ‘ave a secret family? Give us a break. No, it’s just – I dunno, I been seein’ someone, for a little bit now, and somethin’s happened, and – and I feel like I’m meant to go home, aren’t I? Help out? But I –”

“But you can’t miss the game tomorrow,” Stevie finishes for him, because of course he knows that, he knows him, knows how his head works. “So there’s yer answer. Carra, she won’t hold it against you. If she – I mean, does she love you? Are the two of yous, like – why’ve you not said anythin’?”

Jamie feels a twinge of guilt. “’s complicated,” he says with a sigh. “But we – I s’pose so, yeah. I s’pose you might say that we’re – that.”

Stevie, god bless the man, seems to lose any trace of annoyance or upset over being left out of the loop, and throws an arm around Jamie’s shoulder with a grin. “My boy’s in love!” he says, squeezing Jamie tight. “Too much of a prick to tell ‘is best mate, but what else is fuckin’ new? Look, Jay, I know you, don’t I? And if she knows you, then she’ll know you ‘ave to play this game. Long as she’s not dyin’, I’m sure she’ll understand waitin’ ‘til tomorrow evenin’ for you to get home.”

“Ha,” Jamie says humourlessly, still feeling guilt clawing away at his insides, “prob’ly won’t notice if I’m there or not, anyway.”

Stevie pats him on the shoulder one last time and then stands back up, nodding his head towards the door in question.

Jamie gets up too, but they’ve only taken a couple of steps towards the door when another wave of guilt crashes into him and he blurts out “Stevie –”

“I’m bloody starving, Carra, c’mon now.”

“Stevie,” he says again, clenching his fists at his sides. He can’t look at Stevie, is staring up at the ceiling instead as he says “’s not a girl. That I’ve been seein’. That’s why I couldn’t tell you.”

There’s a long pause, where it feels like the air between them is humming, and then Stevie just nods and says “okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They make it all the way out of the room and into the lift down to the dining room when Stevie’s brow furrows for a second and then he turns to Jamie, eyes wide.

“Carra,” he says grimly, “please tell me the guy you’ve been seeing that’s got hurt today’s not another footballer.”

Jamie feels himself blush. “Um,” he replies.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Jamie, what is wrong w’you?”

*

When Gary is wheeled back into his private hospital room, it’s to the sight of Scholesy sat in an armchair looking thoughtfully at the phone in his hands.

He blinks when he hears Gary come in, looks up with a grimace. “X-ray gone alright?”

Gary shrugs, looks away. “Broken,” he says, trying to sound nonchalant. “Like they thought. Guess it’s gonna be more’n just three weeks out, then.”

Scholesy sighs, deflating slightly. “’m sorry, Gaz.”

“Is what it is. They said I can go home now, at least, so that’s somethin’. You got all my things?”

“Yeah, give us a second,” Scholesy says, turning around to rummage through the pockets of the coat that’s hanging on the back of his chair. He pulls another phone out, opens it up. “I’ll call us a cab, yeah? Want me to stay at yours tonight?”

It takes a second to compute that if the new phone is Scholesy’s, then the one he’d been staring at when Gary came in was –

“Erm. Were there any calls for me, while I was out?”

“Yeah,” Scholesy says, back to sounding sort of distant.

Please be from my mum, Gary thinks desperately, almost wanting to squeeze his eyes shut while he waits for Scholesy to elaborate.

“Um, texts from the family, of course. But just the one call.”

He hands the phone back to Gary, who opens up the call log to see exactly what he was hoping he wouldn’t.

Still, there’s a little glowy feeling in his chest at the fact he’d called.

“Ah,” he says. “Did you, er, d’you speak to him?”

“For a minute,” Scholesy says carefully. “Said he were a friend of yours.”

“Yeah,” Gary says with a relieved chuckle. His idiot boyfriend is good for something, after all. “Yeah, he’s a good friend. Good of him to check up on us.”

Except, then Scholesy adds: “Sounded Scouse.”

“Ah, yeah,” he replies, rubs a hand over his jaw. “Well, can’t hold it against him, I s’pose.”

Except, then Scholesy looks him dead in the eye and says: “Called you ‘love’.”

Fuck,

Fuck.

“Scholesy,” he says, feeling panic rise up inside him, “Scholesy, I can explain –”

“First boyfriend in how many years and it’s a bloody Scouser,” Scholesy mutters, which –

Which isn’t what Gary had thought he’d say, not even close.

“You don’t – you don’t mind that he’s – that he’s a man?”

Scholesy frowns at him like he’s lost his marbles. “Well, what else would he be?”

“I – a woman, Scholesy!” Gary screeches.

“But you’re gay?”

“You’re not meant to know that!”

Scholesy’s eyes flit up towards the ceiling. “Oh my god,” he mutters. He looks back at Gary, voice even. “You are so annoying, d’you know that? Nobody cares about the gay thing.”

“Oh,” Gary says, even though his head is screaming other people know too???

“He sounded worried, your lad on the phone.”

Gary feels himself relax a bit as it finally clicks how nice it is to be able to talk about this. “Yeah,” he says fondly, “’cause he’s bloody stupid.”

Scholesy hums thoughtfully. “What’s ‘is name?”

Ah, right. There is still that one, teeny tiny little problem.

“Um,” he says. “’s name’s Jamie.”

There’s a brief second while Scholesy’s brain works through the complicated equation of ‘Jamie + Scouser’, and Gary can tell the exact moment it computes because his eyes go wide and he says “Carragher?”

#thank u for the prompt I looooooved writing this! clearly. since it is nearly 2k words long. #carraville #drabbles

[curseofaphrodite]

Two of Hearts

daemon targaryen x reader | deck of cards part 2/3,

series masterlist | summary: night time visitors often come with complications

Late into the night, you heard knocks on your door. There were persistent and rough, so you already knew it wasn't going to be your handmaiden. With curiosity getting the better of you, you pulled it open.

"Hello," Daemon tilted his head to one side. He didn't appear drunk, and he smelled fine, but something about him said he was intoxicated.

"What do you want?" you asked cautiously.

"I sensed you weren't sleeping and thought we could have a party of our own."

"Be serious."

"I am," he nodded towards your room. "I have much to talk about with the future queen. All politics, of course."

"I'm — Daemon, you can't be this stupid," you sighed. "I am not going to bed you. It's foolish you'd even think I would."

He blinked. "Who said anything about bedding?"

"I don't know what you think about me but I'm not going to be a whore. And if I am, it won't be for a prince who has more tantrums than a 12-year-old."

His puppy dog eyes immediately turned blank. Fear crept inside, because you knew you had finally annoyed him. You preferred him to look actually furious instead of whatever the hell he was doing now.

His right hand reached upwards quickly, grabbing your chin with an unfamiliar softness. While his touch was firmly gentle, his eyes said otherwise.

"Disrespecting me is disrespecting the court," he said sharply, forcing you to look at him. Your heart started hammering for more reasons than one. To add more bad luck, you heard footsteps in the distance.

"Someone's coming," you hissed, not wanting to be seen together in a somewhat compromising position.

"I bet it's Alicent... or maybe Viserys—"

Rumors, rumors, rumors. They had more power to destroy you than fire. You had learned that quickly even before coming to Westeros.

"Now's not your time for games," you said, gritting your teeth. Then you did the only thing you could. You grabbed him by his collar and pulled him inside, shutting the door behind him as quickly as possible. He let go, but he seemed just as surprised as you.

"You can't be that scared of Viserys!" Daemon laughed, but there was a genuine question behind those words.

"I'm not scared!" You plopped down in your bed, looking out the window with a frown. "I just don't know what I'm doing here."

"Don't play clueless. You're here to get the Iron Throne, as foolish as it seems."

"Why?" your eyes turned to him, determined. "Why is it foolish for someone like me to get the throne?"

"You're not a Targaryen. You'll never be a Targaryen."

"Are you calling a war against my house?"

Daemon walked towards the table, then took the chess board which you had brought from your home. You had no one to play it with, so it remained useless. Until now.

Wordlessly, he arranged the wooden figures, then drew himself a chair so he could sit next to you. You frowned.

"Make a move," he asked, nodding towards the pieces. You hesitated before pushing a pawn forward.

"Your house is reputable," he murmured, lost in the game. "But it's not enough. When worst comes to worst, dragons are what people fear. Not the rulers."

"I'd still be a better ruler than you. And certainly Viserys."

Daemon used his horse, so you did the same. The game passed in silence for a while, like he was contemplating more than just the strategy.

"You would be a better queen." He stated finally, looking up. But right as he said that, he also took your king.

Son of a bitch.

-----

He returned the next night. And the next. And the next.

To be transparent, Daemon did have a plan. He would think of the sweetest of things to say to you (anything to fuck up your wedding), yet words failed him every time.

It wasn't because he chose not to say it. He simply couldn't. He'd open his mouth and he'll already know what you'd reply if he called you beautiful. He already knows how you'll laugh if he compares your smile to a winter's moon. He knows you won't fall for any of his tricks.

Simply said, he knows you know him. So he resigned to chess games and talk of books, all of which only made him more restless.

Little by little, Daemon Targaryen found himself losing the act he wrote for himself.

-----

A WEEK LATER.

-----

The door seemed to be mocking you.

No matter how many times you've considered knocking, you couldn't bring yourself to do it, nor could you walk away. It was all a blur of wondering if you were crossing a line you'd already crossed. You were contemplating everything wrong you ever did in your life, from birth to where you were standing.

Then, out of the blue, the door opened loudly, startling the life out of you.

"I could hear your existential crisis from inside," Daemon said, his voice monotone. Despite the late hour, he was fully clothed. His white shirt and messy hair stood out against the candlelight. He smelled of sand, making you wonder if he was out by the sea again.

"I—" you coughed. "You haven't come to my room for days."

He raised an eyebrow. "I didn't realize I was obliged to."

"Daemon," you sucked in your breath, wondering just how awkward this conversation was going. "You're the only fr-acquaintance I have in this palace."

"You can say friend."

"Fine then. Friend."

He sighed. "The rumors were getting more complicated. I couldn't tell every person I saw on my way back from your room that I was merely teaching you how to play chess. it sounds unbelievable even to me."

"Since when have rumors stopped you?" you challenged, glaring. "Do I remind you that they're going to spin stories regardless of the facts anyway?"

"Do you really want a chess partner so much that you're willing to lose every night?"

"I'll win one day," you said, glad to sound light-hearted again. "And like I said, I've grown to like your annoying ass. You're one of the evilest men I've encountered in my life, but you're just as entertaining."

"Well then, it'd be rude of me to not invite you to your jester's room." He said, stepping aside. "Which reminds me, I have a particular book you'd love. It's about a queen trapped in a high tower."

"Let me guess, a prince saves her?" you asked, walking inside. Your eyes didn't miss out on anything. His room was different, with a large silver bed and more windows than you can count. Everything appeared regal and expensive, but all of them were just as messy.

"A dragon does." Daemon left the door unlocked, as if it could give you extra reassurance. You internally rolled your eyes.

"Sounds very Targaryen."

"The book is supposedly a Targaryen artifact too."

"Supposedly?"

"I stole the book from the vault when I was 9 years old. It bore the family crest and looked important so I figured what's the harm."

You laughed. "Did you really?"

Maybe you imagined it, or maybe your laugh had something to do with how his eyes suddenly softened. You felt butterflies just by the thought.

"Don't believe me? Check the cupboard. The book's there."

You wandered across the room until you reached where he was pointing at. You pulled it open and saw a mess of decoratives inside; from goblets to jewel-studded rings.

"Don't you ever clean?" you asked, looking for the mysterious book anyway.

"I don't think the servants know this is my room. Who could blame them, I'm hardly even here."

"Yes, I forgot you like to spend your time in others' rooms," you teased, wondering whose room he had been in the last few nights. You were almost tempted to ask.

"I truly am sorry if you were led to think I was mad at you. Forget the rumors, I just didn't want to disturb your duties. You're undoubtedly busy." His voice grew more grave, if that was even possible.

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"The wedding's in three days." His voice came from right behind you. His body was pressed up against yours, and his hand reached over your shoulder to get to the higher shelf.

"The book is up here." He said for clarification. But you didn't move, didn't reply, didn't even take the book from his hands as he lowered it. You simply stood there, registering his words and his warm breath right beside your neck.

"The wedding preparations are done so I'm not busy," you whispered. Why did it sound like you were apologizing?

Daemon put the book back and slowly circled your waist with his arms. It was purely affectionate, and that made you want to hug him and cry. He rested his head in the crook of your neck, taking his time to answer.

"It's a wonder how Viserys gets everything I want. The throne, and now you." He said, and you didn't know what was softer — his touch or his words.

You groaned. "Stop that! Stop acting as if I'm anything more than an unfortunate liability for your throne."

"That's the irony in it," he pressed a kiss against your neck and you melted into a puddle inside. You were dead and resurrected back to life when he dragged his lips across your skin. "We're both traitors. I'm a liar so you can't trust a word I say so if I ever truly love you, you won't believe it anyway."

"Because it'd be a lie."

"I will plead with you just once." He turned you around, cupping your jaw. He stared intently, bravely — as if he was about to do something he never did. "Just once I will beg. Don't marry him."

"Daemon—"

"Please." He went down on his knees, holding your hands instead. He wasn't even looking up at you, like that would cost him plenty. His voice was shaky and he knew this wasn't just an act. He would never humiliate himself for his tricks.

He was truly desperate.

"I can't back out of the wedding. Viserys would call a war on my house. My family—"

"I know you won't say yes but hear me out, humor me for a minute," He clasped your hands tighter. "We could run away, I don't want the fucking throne. I want you—"

"I have to go," you said firmly, fighting back the sudden urge to kneel beside him and never part. "I shouldn't have come."

You pulled back and he let you go, wide-eyed and surprised. He stood up and watched as you walked off. He followed halfway, then upon realizing you were indeed gone, he slammed the door shut.

"Fuck!" He yelled, kicking the nearby table.

It didn't help. His shoulders started to shake, he was breathless, and before he knew what was happening — he started to cry.

------------------------

next, final part will be out soon! itll end happy i swear 😭🤌

-----------------------

taglist: @eexphoria @sebastian025 @cecilyjmorgenstern @lilitheal @imnotyourbcbe @loveandlewis-reads @mariamyousef702 @1-800-isabellapotter @skywalkerr27 @ohhh-boo-tiful @paula-lkr @purechaosss @andrea-np @makaramosss @snixx2088 @ephemeralninon @wulfriedxanthene

#daemon targaryen x reader #daemon targaryen x you #daemon targaryen x fem!reader #daemon targaryen fluff #hotd fanfic #hotd x reader #astoria writes #imagines #angst

[skysmadness]

i tried to write something as someone who hasn't written anything in a while and whose first language isn't even english

the premise is: aphrodite makes nico realize he's loved ft. friendship, family and love

here's a small snippet !

You would think that after a few prophecies and two wars and multiple close encounters with Death himself, the Gods would give their children at least a week of peace and quiet.

But of course not, it's the Olympians we are talking about after all, and the word "mercy" has just recently been added to their vocabulary.

(Thank you, Percy Jackson.)

Nico di Angelo isn't surprised to see one of them looking at him purposely while he's completely demolishing a training dummy, just a tad annoyed by the implications. Implications being: ah, they're gonna ask for something out of him and it's probably gonna be awful.

He has no idea who it is, nor does he want to know particularly. Maybe if he pretended he didn't see them, then–

"Oh, that isn't going to work."

Nevermind.

Nico sighed, lowering his sword and finally looking up. He couldn't exactly pinpoint who it was, since their form was… kind of confusing to him. It was androgynous at best, with freckles that appeared and disappeared on tanned skin like twinkling stars and curly, golden hair. Or was it light brown?

Anyway, they looked annoyed.

"This is your fault," they gestured to themselves, "and it's honestly frustrating me."

"Excuse me?" Nico furrowed his eyebrows. Gears were turning in his head, trying to get who exactly was speaking to him.

"Usually, I'd be thrilled about such an event, you know? Tricky, complicated feelings, the yearning – but it's honestly making me lose my temper, son of Hades. Especially when it's so obvious!"

The gears stopped. Of fucking course.

"Lady Aphrodite."

The grip on his weapon tightened. He didn't exactly have a very nice history with all things… Aphrodite. Meaning: love, but also and especially her son.

He doesn't notice it when she gets closer, her form even messier than when she was a few feet away. He takes one step back, making the goddess raise an eyebrow.

"If you're worried about what my son did, fear not," she waves a hand, "I don't condone it. It was quite barbaric, wasn't it? Accepting love is not an easy task and it shouldn't be imposed."

Nico looked at her pointedly, pursuing his lips.

"Yet you are going to impose it on me-"

"Yes, I am going to impose it on you."

Before Nico could speak, she explained herself, "look at me! I'm a mess because of you! Because you can't accept any kind of love that's given to you!"

Okay, now Nico was confused. "And that's bothering you… why? If I may," because, unfortunately, Maria di Angelo did teach him respect and also he didn't want any more trouble, "this is the first time we've ever met each other and I don't think it's particularly hurting you… physically speaking, at least."

"Of course it is!" Aphrodite countered, "Nico di Angelo, don't you get it? You're a mess regarding love, which is my expertise. Looking at you makes me…"

She makes a face. Nico doesn't like that face even if, somehow, looking at those freckles makes his stomach do a flip.

"Miserable, at best."

It was Nico's turn to be annoyed. Did she think it was easy for him? He was working hard on it, on himself. He was trying his best, wasn't he? Bit by bit, he was making progress. His friends told him so. Will told him so. Wasn’t it enough?

Yet she didn't seem particularly aggressive, just very irritated at whatever he was – or wasn't – doing, so he let himself lose whatever filter he tried to put on himself beforehand.

"Okay. So what do you want me to do? 'Cause frankly, I'm not really in the mood to be forced to do anything because it's funny for you to toy with people's feelings."

"I am not gonna make you do anything."

Her tone suddenly shifted, and it was so… soothing. It was warm, like honey, like a late-summer sunset, like the first rush of heat from a campfire.

It sounded like… Who did it sound like? It was so soft, accommodating. Whatever irritation Nico might’ve felt beforehand dissipated in a matter of seconds.

"I am going to make you understand. Love cannot be forced, yes, and it's our job to accept it and understand it as we like, in any shape or form – which is why, I will be helping you."

Nico, still stunned by the sound of her voice and how it managed to calm him instantly, managed to slightly tilt his head and squint. "Help me how?"

"Take it as a… blessing of sorts. I will make you see you're surrounded by love of all types, and I’ll make you recognize that you deserve it."

That was… awfully and strangely sweet.

She clapped her hands, "so that you can stop being such a headache!"

Ah, there it is.

"And what would this blessing be, exactly?"

"It will last one day," she raised her index finger in front of him, "you will be able to see how your feelings resonate with another. You'll see a light emanating from them which will shimmer in color based on the type of love that person feels towards you. You’ll get it once you open yourself to them."

"Isn't this just… kind of cheating?" Nico cringed. What if he learned something someone didn't want him to know? What if, somehow, what resonated was hatred?

"See, this is why you need it," she huffs, "otherwise you will never get it! A more vivid representation will finally make you less… blind."

"Anyways," a hand mirror magically appeared in her hand and she made a little ugh sound as she stared at her reflection. "That's all. You can thank me later – I need to get far away from you now or it's gonna make me go insane."

She smiles at him. She had dimples. "Remember, one full day! Make the most of it, son of Hades!"

When Nico blinked, she was gone.

…

Ma che cazzo?

#if you saw me post this already no you didn't #anyways ryu attemps to write fanfic !!! heyyyy #very excited to write nico speak italian #solangelo #solangelo fic #nico di angelo #pjo #ryurambles

[granulesofsand]

Poison - Hazbin Hotel

🗝️🏷️ RAMCOA, death, substances

There are a few pieces of media that us trafficked alters like because it reflects us. Not how nonsurvivors think we should be, ugly healing and continued survival. And there are always people who don’t understand how this could happen to someone trying to press these characters into boxes they can easily grasp.

Not all of it has to be wrong, but even today I saw a swarm of fans talking about Angel Dust’s song ‘Poison’ as alluding to a romantic involvement with Valentino prior to his contract. They could well be right, and they could well not.

It’s a song from a multisensory media. That media is revealing, foreshadowing, and concealing especially hard during the musical numbers because of the format, so we’re probably not meant to understand the whole of it when it appears.

That said, it’s about trafficking. I relate heavily to that song because it centers a very classic manipulation. Abusers absolutely twist your reality to make it your fault, your choice, always what you did.

Shooting sexually exploitative material differs from plain porn, and the lack of regulation and safety can blur the line. Regardless of where Angel Dust crossed it, it’s SEM now. Hells, I don’t know if we use that term for adults, but sex trafficking damn certain is.

Someone, several someones, in that discussion said that Angel Dust having been attached to Valentino makes his situation more realistic. While the character is not real, his story is. It is not just his story when you turn to a group you otherwise ignore. It does not matter if you lived your own version of this story, you do not get to claim anyone else’s is unrealistic.

I don’t see where the prior relationship with Valentino becomes the assumption, or even relevant to Angel Dust’s abuse. Complicated relationships form easily within these dynamics, and romantic/platonic bonds to handlers are encouraged, if for no other reason than emotional immaturity of a perpetrator.

I love my handlers still. I was made for them in every sense of the word, and the tangled mess that is relational trauma felts. What you pull out will not be the same as what went in.

There is an art of dissociation specific to sexual exploitation that allows you to enjoy it simply because you have no other choice. That can be a poison, the comfort of being abused, and I do find the song to be more about the need to keep going through trauma with no end in sight.

Angel Dust is from a mob family. That is inherently organized abuse, and the whole of it is beyond labyrinthine. Probably it was labor trafficking too. It often involves terrorization, Trauma-Based Mind Control by way of extreme violence inflicted on and around a victim and then interpreted for them. We call it torture, and it is that and more.

You can’t undo that. Heal, if you are lucky and steadfast in your goals, but never undo. He never had a chance, and whatever went on between him and Valentino is not his fault. To say so would be to condemn every survivor who has fallen from what group to another, and this is the story of many. We are real.

Angel was an adult at his death, but his development was likely fucked by having grown up as he did. Peripheral as it may have been — which it does not seem to be — you don’t get a chance at nature if this is your nurture. You are utterly destroyed, dematerialized, to be built over for another’s benefit.

Survivors do not owe you anything. It was the job of the public to preemptively save us from these horrors, and even as we stand in the light you avert your gaze. People die from this — from suicide or overdose or resulting illness, but also from having been tortured to death.

Angel is a character who represents us. He is a survivor, not because he is alive but because he lived through the first time. He died young, as do most of us. He is unsightly and inappropriate and me. Poking at him feels like poking at me, because that is the closest I have ever seen to myself in media.

[laf-outloud]

https://incarnateirony.tumblr.com/post/739967001000378368/

This is how stupid goob is, and how dumb his followers are to believe him:

Anonymous asked: You say Jared is “blacklisted” but he’s literally being promoted by multiple media sites for his appearance at The Statesman in ATX…..Jared’s just out there living his best life, aren’t the lies and weird need to tear down him getting old by now? Goob: Hey look, idiots that don’t understand things like complete sentences, qualifying adjectives, subject specifics and industry operations! Why, yes. studios can in fact pay this company to make them market, plug, or reference people, even if they don’t like them. That’s literally how it fucking works. It’s not complicated Karen. That doesn’t stop them from blacklisting him from their events, which I clarified very specifically.

Goob is now claiming that Jared is both blacklisted AND studios and companies are also paying to promote him even though they hate him! The power. To be sooo important that people will pay to promote him even though that is going against his totally "real" blacklisting!

Just say you do not know what blacklisting and leave it at that, because goob is just proving that to be true everytime they make a new post.

I knew, as soon as we hit this period where Jensen's out of a job and Jared's actively working that the haters would redouble their efforts to try and discredit Jared. But, it never works because one, they're so incredibly terrible at it, and two, none of it's actually true.

But, I do pay attention to Goob in one regard. I always know that whatever he claims, the opposite will happen. So, based on previous experience, I can predict that multiple media organizations will continue to promote Jared (of their own free will), and instead of being blacklisted, Jared's on the waitlist for studios/productions to snatch him up as soon as he's available.

#ask box #anti goob #conman goob #idiot goob #anti jared haters

[shortpplfedup]

Chapter 4: The Midnight of Lifetime

Oy what a mess. Alan fully enters the story in this ep and we start to understand exactly what the hell is going on there. Newsflash: it's as heartbreaking as everything else in this show. We're at the halfway mark now, all the pins have been set up and it's time to start knocking them down one by one, because now we're invested.

We still don't know the inciting incident for the cold war between Wen and Alan, nor why they're still sharing a life despite being very clearly over, but we can guess at some of it. Wen's talked about living paycheque to paycheque, so it's very likely when the relationship ended he couldn't afford to move out. Alan is still trying to save the relationship, so he probably hoped that by letting Wen stay, proximity would breed forgiveness for whatever transgression he committed. It seems like partly for the sake of appearances, and partly in the hope that Wen will relent, he's asked Wen to conceal their breakup as part of the deal. Wen meeting somebody new is the destruction of all of Alan's hopes of reconciliation. Of course he would freak the fuck out. The whole thing's rotten, as resentment is heaped atop resentment, misery atop misery.

Meeting Jim was clearly a catalysing event for Wen. It's like he was sleepwalking and that night with Jim was a bucket of cold water dashed into his face. And every day since, every day he watches Jim live his life trying to do the best he can by the people he loves, he craves more and more to be one of those people. A situation that was unpleasant yet manageable has now become untenable, because he's seen how things could be. I appreciate that he didn't want to bring his mess to Jim's door, especially because 'complicated' is his line in the sand, but by not telling him anything he let him get blindsided instead. Wen's dad and Gong both warned him not to cross the streams, but he couldn't stay away from Jim until he could get away from Alan, he just couldn't.

To be fair to Wen though, he's not the only one who complicated things. Jim did that when he hired Wen, when he brought him into his little family even as he knew how Wen felt about him. Jim's a bit unfair, he clearly wants Wen around, he wants him in his life, but only on his terms, where he never has to risk his own feelings. He's clearly traumatised by what happened with Beam, to the point that he can't even contemplate a relationship that is both familial and romantic with Wen. In his mind, he gets to have one or the other but never both. Alan showing up shatters the illusion of a neat and uncomplicated divide between Uncle Jim and Jim the man. Because he shouldn't care right, there isn't anything between him and Wen. But he does care, very much.

That divide between Uncle Jim and Jim the man is also at the crux of his ongoing battle with Li Ming. I wonder how long Li Ming has been living with Jim, and why he's there and not with his mom. Jim named him, and he would've been about twenty when he was born, old enough to have some hand in his early raising. It's clear Li Ming sees him as a father figure; as much as they fight and argue, when Jim lays down the law Li Ming is immediately contrite. He respects Jim, he knows Jim cares, he knows Jim is trying. But he also sees the ways in which Jim has given up on himself and it makes him angry, especially at the idea that Jim did that for him. Nobody wants to be thought of as someone's burden to bear. And Jim's so focused on Li Ming's future he's lost sight of the present, of what both he and Li Ming need now. I don't dream he told Wen, you think Li Ming can't see that? That he's given up Jim the man to be Uncle Jim? Think he doesn't internalise it, feel it, blame himself for it? Li Ming doesn't want to be the reason Jim works himself to death in that diner, living hand to mouth.

Li Ming's frustration with his uncle is in such clear contrast to the patience, the unending patience he has with Heart. In a way I suppose it's easier, because Heart doesn't ask anything of him, unlike the mountain of expectations from Jim. Them waking up together was so darling, the way they were just soft and silly with each other, how they're not too worried about defining what's happening between them, just understanding that they care deeply for each other and they're attracted to each other and they want to see each other happy. Heart pulling Li Ming out of his funk was so beautiful, because it reiterates that this isn't one-sided, Heart can do things for Li Ming too. I know Li Ming starting to sneak Heart out of the house is going to come back and bite them hard, but it made me cry that he took this risk to give Heart community, to give him people to talk to who could understand him. Because Li Ming gets that Heart needs more than just him. As much as he cares he can't translate the world for him. Heart needs to be able to be independent to be free, and Li Ming doesn't know anything about it, so he goes to people who do. And then he also asks what he needs to do for Heart as well as seeing what Heart needs to do for himself and...these two are breaking me, I'm telling you.

Side Dishes

I appreciate Gong being a Gym Gay, we don't get enough of those in BL.

I really like the energy and chemistry between Earth and Papang whenever we flash back to Jim and Beam's relationship.

The passage of time in this show is neatly marked by the holidays, and it is proceeding apace. This ep spans from the morning after Loy Krathong to Christmas Eve, almost 2 months!

Please don't let Saleng have pawned Praew's dowry...

Oh no it seems like Ms. Hong is sick...what is Gaipa going to do it if he loses his mom?

Has Li Ming asked Heart to go abroad with him? Is that why Heart has the flyer?

Next week it looks like all the bubbles everybody's been living in are going to start popping one by one. I have a knot in my stomach just thinking of the fallout from that motorcycle accident.

#moonlight chicken #midnight series: moonlight chicken #the moon is beautiful tonight #bl meta series

[secretswiftymarvelfan]

Court Of Public Opinion - Andy Barber x Reader (Part 4)

A/N: This is the sequel series to Memory Served and will contain major spoilers for that series so go read that one first if you haven’t already!

Summary: As news breaks about who your abductor was, things get more complicated

Word Count: 6.1k

Warnings: Angst! Language! Gas Lighting!

Dividers by me!

Series Masterlist / Masterlist

Chapter 4

Staring up at the trees you watched as the small amount of light dabbled through the leaves, many of which were beginning to take on an orange hue. The last time you’d been in this part the path was covered in blossom, the sweet smell of spring wafting through the air. Now dead leaves littered the floor, the air was turning chilly. 

You had missed the entirety of summer. You didn’t see all the kids out on summer break running around and playing. You didn’t see the many, many barbeques that filled the park during the 4th of July weekend. You experienced a summer, but not the summer you knew. 

“I’m so glad my nausea is gone but dog shit is gross at the worst of times” Carrie grumbled as she stepped back towards you. 

You shook your head slightly to rid yourself of the fog that clouded your mind “Oh sorry I should have offered” You apologise. 

Carrie gives you a small kind smile “It’s okay, I could tell you needed space for a moment” 

You let out a long guilty sigh as you look down at your feet, kicking some of the leaves “I’m sorry” you apologise. 

“Nope, we aren’t doing any of that apologising bullshit,” Carrie says looping her arm through yours as you began to walk “I get it, what happened doesn’t just go away and if you need to talk about whatever you were just thinking about then we got you” she continues nodding down to Nova who wagged her tail. 

“I was just-” you start before taking a deep breath “It's weird, to me this place has gone from spring to autumn, there’s a whole four months missing, but I remember summer I was just another person… I dunno I don’t think I’m explaining it well” you sigh shaking your head. 

“No I get it, I understand how disorientating it must be, coming back and so much has changed in an instant, it’s like you time-travelled or got stuck in a quantum realm or something” Carrie reassures you. 

You couldn’t help but let out a small snort “Quantum realm?” you questioned to which she let out a long and dramatic sigh.

“Harrison won’t let me watch Rom-coms or anything like that because I’m getting too emotional and it’s not fair on him to constantly console me, which I get, I’m a fucking mess at the moment because of these hormones, I cried at a diaper advert yesterday” she explains.

You bite your lips to stop yourself from laughing “A diaper advert?”

“It had a cute baby which made me excited for our cute baby and then sad because it’s still ages until we meet our cute baby” Carries explains making you chuckle “Anyway, so in the meantime we’ve settled on sci-fi movies, they’re not that bad to be honest” 

You could no longer hold back your laughter and a real smile appeared on your face “Well you’ll have to give me and Andy some recommendations” You smiled. 

“I’ll have a list ready for your next date night” Carrie winks. 

Your smile falters for a moment as your mind goes back to your date nights with Andy. Things had been getting better and it felt more normal but still just felt incredibly delicate. You felt like you were just waiting for the moment that he would break and the illusion would shatter. It was why you were trying so hard to be normal, stop letting the shadow of Ransom loom over you. Because in those normal moments, Andy still loved you, you weren’t tainted if he could forget what happened for just a moment then the chances of him leaving you were smaller.

You clear your throat as you pick a straw fibre from your jacket sleeve “Thank you, so what are you planning to do for Halloween?” you ask desperate to change the topic.

Carrie’s eyes instantly lit up because Halloween was her favourite time of the year, she and Harrison always killed it with their costumes. You and Andy tried to compete one year but it was pointless, Carrie and Harrison were the king and queen of Halloween. She then goes on to explain in great detail that the party is called ‘things that go bump in the night’ and that her costume is Kane from Alien. 

As she talked you tried to focus on everything she was saying but you began to feel your ears burn and gazes on your back. You glanced over your shoulder a couple of times to see a pair of joggers behind you whispering, they both quickly jog past the two of you though. You shake your head slightly, they were probably just keeping their own conversation low as they passed you so they weren’t rude, not because they were talking about you. 

You returned your attention back to Carrie and her elaborate plans to decorate her house for the party. However, you began to notice more people sparing glances your way as they passed by. It made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up from all the attention. 

You knew it was inevitable though, this was a small town so people talked, you were still the big news story. You were just glad it seemed to be getting better though, people were calling by the house less. You preferred curious glances over continual questions and having to relive it all over and over again, putting on a brave face when all you wanted to do was tell them to fuck off and mind their own business. 

“Oh and we got Nova the coolest spider costume too, you know from that viral video” Carrie continued.

You were about to respond when two teenage girls just appeared out of nowhere in front of you “Oh my god it’s you! You have to tell us everything about him!” One of them said, starstruck looks in their eyes.

You and Carrie exchanged a confused glance, even Nova tilted her head “I’m sorry who?” You ask.

“Harlan Thrombey!” The other girl exclaims, one of Harlan’s books now obvious in her hand.

“Oh… I um-“ you stutter taken aback “he was nice, I only met him a few times” 

The girls in front of you continue to fangirl, bombarding you with questions that left both you and Carrie in a state of shock.

“Did he tell you about his new book?”

“What about that Netflix series?” 

“Is it true he has a massive collection of knives?”

“Who does he think the watcher is?”

“And ohmygod his Grandson Ransom is so hot! What was he like? I bet he’s so dreamy!”

That last question snapped both you and Carrie out of your shocked states. It felt like a bucket of ice-cold water had been dumped on you, while you could practically feel the heat of Carrie’s anger.

“Excuse me? You do know he abducted her and held her against her will?” Carrie seethes.

“How- how did you even know?” You mutter feeling your stomach turning.

“They announced it on the news this morning,” one of the girls said with a look that said ‘obviously’.

Had you known that? You weren’t sure. The detectives must have let Andy know that they were going to finally name Ransom today. Had he told you last night or this morning and you had just blocked it out? Or had he purposely not told you because he hated that you were tied to Ransom?

“Honestly I don’t blame you, I couldn’t think of a man better than Ransom, he has the looks, the money, the family” the other girl continues and the hearts in her eyes made you want to vomit.

Carrie absolutely exploded after hearing that, she already had the protective mama bear instinct and being pregnant just made it so much stronger. You knew she was completely ripping into the two girls and letting them know exactly how wrong they were but you couldn’t hear her over the ringing in your ears.

You blinked a couple of times when you felt someone tugging your elbow. Your vision refocused and you could see the girls were long gone and Carrie was leading you out of the park and back home. As you walked the ringing in your ears slowly began to subside and be replaced with Carrie muttering about how twisted those girls must be to see Ransom as a hero.

“You okay?” Carrie then asked fully snapping you back into the moment.

You blinked a couple of times and realised you were back home, standing outside your front door. Carrie must have been waiting for you to unlock it when she noticed you weren’t completely there.

“Yeah,” you managed to say fishing your keys from your pocket and unlocking the door.

“Don’t listen to those girls okay, they’re clearly just crime fanatics who refuse to see their hero as the person they really are” Carrie tells you as she follows you into the house, letting Nova off her lead.

You just nod as you walk into the kitchen. As you pass the island you spot a note from Andy saying he’s gone out for groceries and to donate the last of the pasta dishes to the homeless shelter. You breathed out a sigh of relief that he wasn’t in, you didn’t want him to hear about what had just happened. What happened wasn’t normal, you needed normal.

“Do you want me to call Andy?” Carrie then asks gently.

You shake your head “No it's okay” you tell her “I’m fine, he’ll just worry and come straight home when he doesn’t need to” 

“Okay, are you sure you’re okay? It's okay if you’re not” Carrie reminds you.

You force a brave smile “Yeah it just threw me that's all like you said they’re immature girls with an unhealthy obsession with a celebrity” you tell her “I just have to remember I have the evidence on my side”

Carrie gives you a proud smile “Exactly, no amount of fangirls will be able to protect him” she says as she wraps her arm around you.

“Thank you though for getting me out, standing in my corner and getting me home,” you tell her with a grateful smile.

“It's nothing just give me and Nova a shout whenever you need it, I should probably get her home now but if you need us to stay we can stay” Carrie offers as she scratches Nova behind the ear.

“No I’m good, you get on home so Nova can have her post-walk treat” You smile down at Nova who was wagging her tail excitedly.

“Oh yes can’t forget about that” Carrie grinned as she put Nova back on the leash.

You follow Carrie back to the front door, as you did so you thought back to those girls in the park. If Andy had been there it would have gone down so much worse, hearing about how people fawned over Ransom, remind him of how you’d been with him, slept with him. You didn’t want those reminders.

“Don’t tell Andy about today” you suddenly say as Carrie opens the door.

Carrie freezes and looks back over at you, her eyes studying you for a moment “I won’t but… I think you should” she says gently

“I will I promise, I just want it to come from me” you lied, you would avoid telling him for as long as possible.

“Good,” Carrie says watching you for another moment before smiling “Just ring me when you need me” 

“I will thank you” You smile giving her a small wave before closing the door and heading back to the kitchen.

You moved to make yourself a warm drink to warm yourself back up but then spotted a pile of mail beside the note Andy had left. One of the jobs that had kept you busy was going through all the mail that you missed while you were gone. Andy had already sorted the bills you had but there was still lots left over so dealing with mail as it came helped.

Flipping through the pile you saw a lot of it was for Andy anyway but at the end was a letter for you. When you saw the handwriting you instantly felt sick, your legs feeling weak as you just about managed to sit down. It was Ransom’s handwriting. 

Your first instinct was to call Andy but just as you reached for your phone you froze. You had no idea what was in this letter, it could be a confession, a threat, or it could detail everything you did with Ransom. You knew that Ransom liked to play mind games, he would want to get under Andy’s skin.

No, you needed to find out what was in here first, then you would decide if you would show Andy or not. With shaking hands, you ripped open the envelope and unfolded the letter.

Kitten,

I don’t understand what happened. I thought you were happier. Happier with me. I’ve been lied to all my life by my parents, I know how to spot a lie. So I know it wasn’t a lie when you told me you loved me. I’m sorry though I should have told you the truth, but when they told me that you lost your memory I saw my chance. You promised you were going to leave him anyway so I thought that it would be easier for you if I didn’t remind you of him. I see now that it was wrong and I’m sorry, we can fix this and get through this together. I can’t wait to have you back in my arms, my house, my bed, where you belong. I love you kitten and I won’t stop fighting for us.

Love Ransom x

The letter fell out of your hands as you stumbled back struggling to take a breath. Your hand cupped your mouth as you gagged, your legs feeling weak. You couldn’t believe the lies Ransom was trying to sell, how he was trying to convince you that he was telling the truth. You would never leave Andy, not for anyone or any reason. 

You couldn’t show this to Andy, you couldn’t have Ransom’s lies poisoning him. You could already feel the doubts and the hesitancy, you couldn’t make it worse by showing him a letter that would remind him of all the horrible things you did. 

You had to act fast, you had no clue when he’d be home, you had to destroy this letter. Your hands were still shaking as you picked the letter back up and rushed over to the fireplace. Grabbing some kindling you got the fire going, using a match to set the letter alight and throw it into the fire. 

A heavy feeling settled in your gut as you watched the letter burn. It was guilt, guilt that you were even in this position to begin with, the guilt of all the things you did with Ransom, guilt that you were hiding this from Andy. You thought for a second that maybe you should have shown it to him, the police could have done something, but it was too late the letter was just ash now. 

The sound of the front door opening had you quickly standing up, Andy poked his head into the living room his brows furrowed slightly “Why’s the fire going?” he asked. 

“Oh um it was quite cold after the walk with Carrie so I thought I’d make it nice and cosy” you lied brushing dust off of your hands. 

A smile tugs at Andy’s lips “Sounds nice, let me put this away and I’ll make us some hot drinks too” he offers. 

“Sounds great,” you say with a sigh of relief that he didn’t question it further, he gives you another smile before going to step away. 

All of sudden you considered telling him the truth even calling out to stop him, but when he looked back at you his brows now furrowed slightly in concern you couldn't do it. So instead you walked the short distance towards him, gently cupping his cheek and reaching up to kiss him. 

“I love you Andy” you whisper. 

Andy tilts his head slightly but still smiles “I love you too honey” he says softly. 

Andy let out a long sigh as he set another pasta dish on the draining board to dry only to look over and see so many more left to wash. He’d finally managed to get on top of all the food the neighbours had been dropping around, he took most of the excess to the homeless shelter, some were still in the freezer and the rest had been eaten. He swore if he ever saw another pasta dish for the rest of his life it would be too soon.

He decided to leave it there for now, the draining board was full anyway, grabbing a cloth he began to dry his hands. As he did so his eyes landed on his laptop, he’d been trying not to do much work on the case since all it did was make him feel angry and inadequate. Every time you’d seen him work on it too he could see the look of sadness in your eyes. 

But you were out today, over at Carrie’s for the afternoon so it would be the perfect opportunity to do it. Maybe he could continue looking into businesses that were near the site of your crash, ask if any of their employees had seen a damaged car drive past. 

He was just making his way around the kitchen island to his laptop when his phone started ringing. He paused throwing the towel on the counter before grabbing his phone and pulling it out to see it was Frank calling him. 

Andy didn’t even get a chance to say hello before Frank was ranting down the phone at him “Whoa, whoa, Frank slow down I can’t hear you, what are you saying?” Andy says plugging his other ear trying to hear Frank better.

He heard Frank take a deep breath before starting again “I just picked Mary up from her university class and she’s in an absolute state over Y/N” Frank explains. 

Andy’s brows furrow in concern “What? Why?” he asks.

“Some kids in class were talking about Y/N and she got all upset over it, Mary still hasn’t told me exactly what they said but she said it was mean and they said Y/N must be lying” Frank explains.

“Shit is Mary okay now?” Andy curses running his hand down his face. 

“She’s calmed down a bit now but she was in floods of tears when I picked her up, I hadn’t told her much about the case because she’s only 8 but I had to explain it all to help her understand it, now she’s upset and wants to talk to Y/N” Frank explains with a heavy sigh. 

“Sure, Y/N’s out with Carrie at the moment but tell Mary that she’ll call as soon as she gets home” Andy promises, worrying about how you’d feel having to talk about all this with Mary. 

“Thanks, I just can’t believe the nerve of those girls how did they even come to that conclusion…shit” Frank mutters “Have you watched Fox News today?”

“No we don’t watch that bullshit, do you?” Andy huffs shaking his head.

“No but I just turned the TV on and you might want to turn it on, I think I’ve found out why those girls said what they did” Frank says. 

Andy frowns walking into the living room and turning on the TV, he quickly changes the channel to Fox News a curse falling from his lips when he sees what Frank meant. Fox News was doing a report on your case but it wasn’t complimentary towards you. The anchors were discussing the case and how they just couldn’t believe Ransom would do what he did.  It only got worse when they cut to an interview with Ransom’s parents.

“So what did you make of the allegations?” the broadcaster asked.

Linda shook her head “Unbelievable, my son would never do anything like that” she said playing the part of a shocked parent well.

“Ransom may have made some mistakes when he was younger but he’s not a criminal, he loved Y/N” Richard continues rubbing Linda’s back soothingly.

“So you don’t believe Ransom held Y/N captive against her will?” The broadcaster asks. 

“No, she was never held against her will” Linda states with a definitive shake of her head “That’s all lies she’s told” 

“When we first met her we were suspicious of her, the romance was such a whirlwind with her pushing Ransom to get married, but we said nothing because he was so in love with her” Richard adds “Now our poor son is in jail for a crime he didn’t commit” 

“What the fuck is all bullshit! They can’t be saying this can they?” Frank exclaims. 

“It's not a police interview or court testimony so yeah they can” Andy grumbles barely containing his anger. 

“So what is Ransom’s side of the story?” The broadcaster asks leaning forward. 

“He’s still not entirely sure what happened, he said they got into a fight and he threatened to call off the wedding and that’s when Y/N stormed out of the house and went to the police and made up this whole story about him abducting her, claiming he used her amnesia against her” Linda exclaims, dabbing her dry eye with a tissue “I knew she only wanted him for his money, we’ve told him this and he still loves her”

“Amnesia?” the broadcaster presses. 

“Yes 4 months ago Y/N was in a terrible accident and lost her memory, she was already planning to leave her partner Andy Barber so Ransom thought it would be easier on her to just pretend she already had” Richard explains with a long sigh “he explained it all in this letter” he adds leaning forward to pass the broadcaster the letter. 

“I can’t believe this, god this family is fucked up” Frank mutters but Andy wasn’t paying him much attention. 

All Andy could focus on were the letters now being shown by Fox News. All of them, while addressed to his parents, were love letters to you. It made Andy sick. He knew he shouldn't but he ended up pausing the screen on one of them to read the letter. He read the way Ransom lamented to his parents, how heartbroken he was. He was trying to win the court of public opinion and relying on his grandfather’s fanbase to do so, it must have already gone viral if Mary had heard about it. 

The sound of the front door opening had Andy looking over his shoulder “I have to go” Andy muttered to Frank who was still ranting on when Andy hung up. 

You had a small smile on your face when you walked in but as soon as your eyes landed on the TV it quickly faded “What is this?” you whispered, your voice breaking. 

“Ransom’s parents went on Fox News to tell his side of the story, it’s ridiculous they must have some connection with the owner or something, they even gave them letters from Ransom” Andy explains with an irritated huff shaking his head, beginning to pace back and forth beginning to rant.

“How- how did they know about them?” you whispered. 

It took Andy a moment to fully process what you said, and when he did he froze and slowly turned back around to face you “What do you mean how do they know about them?” he asks. 

Your eyes widened and you took a small step back “I-I-I- um- I-” you stuttered suddenly getting really flustered.

Andy’s brows furrowed in confusion as he watched you stutter and panic, it was like when he caught a defendant out on the stand. He thought for a moment replaying what you said in the context of the letters, glancing up at the TV he could see that the letter he had paused on didn’t show who it was addressed to. 

“Wait” Andy says holding out his hand “Have you been sent letters from Ransom?” 

You start fiddling with your fingers, looking down at the floor. It was an answer already but Andy was still praying you hadn’t. 

“Yes” you weakly whisper, not looking up from the floor. 

“Why didn’t you tell me!” Andy exclaims in disbelief. 

“I’m sorry I-I thought about it, I wanted to but I just couldn’t” you apologise. 

Andy lets out an irritated huff, he was furious that Ransom had found a way to send letters to you. Prisoners were not allowed any communication with the victims, he must have found a loophole and gotten his parents to forward it on to you. 

“Where are they? What did you do with them?” Andy demands, he needed to shut this down now by taking the letters to the police. 

“I-I burnt the first-” you started before Andy interrupted.

“You burnt them!” he practically shouted in disbelief “Why would you do that? It’s evidence! They’re going to use this against you and say you have something to hide!” 

“Andy I’m sorry i-i-” you stutter shaking your head. 

“He’s already doing everything he can to try and get out of this! We can’t be giving him more ammunition!” Andy roars, his anger and fear getting the better of him. 

“Please stop shouting- I’m sorry- I’m so so sorry” you sobbed completely breaking down. 

Andy’s shoulders dropped as he watched you sob “shit” he muttered to himself walking over “I’m sorry honey I shouldn’t have shouted, I’m angry at him not you” he apologised wrapping his arms around you, breathing out a sigh of relief when you didn’t push him away. 

“I regretted it straight away, I didn’t burn them all just the first, the rest I just hid” you admit looking up at him, tears still streaming down your face.

Andy let out a sigh of relief, they still had something to go to the police with “Okay, why didn’t you tell me about them?” he asked carefully. 

You took a long, deep, shaky breath before answering “I- I didn’t want you to see them” you whispered. 

Andy let out a long sigh “Okay, well we can take those ones to the police because this is witness intimidation and they can put a stop to it, take away his privileges, it’s all going to be okay I promise”

“They can?” you ask, doubt clear in your voice. 

“Yes it’s all going to be okay I promise” Andy swears kissing the top of your head.

“Okay I’ll- I’ll go get them,” you say wiping away the last of your tears and stepping out of Andy’s embrace. 

You felt sick as you made your way upstairs to the bedroom where you had hidden the letters. You had received one every day since the first one, and each time a new one arrived you considered telling Andy but they kept getting more and more graphic and detailed and you just couldn’t bring yourself to. 

You knew it was a mistake now, if Andy was right the police could have put a stop to this already. You just didn’t want him to read all the horrible things you had done. Read how dirty and tainted you were. 

Walking back down the stairs you handed Andy the 6 letters you had received from Ransom, brushing your hands down your arms once he had taken them. He quickly flicked through them and you watched anxiously as his eyes darted over the pages. Thankfully he didn’t read them for long so you hoped he hadn’t read the worst of them. 

He gave you a tight smile as he reached out to take your hand “We’re going to fix this I promise” he says kissing the top of your head quickly “c’mon let’s go” 

You follow after him, nervously picking at your coat that you still wore as Andy pulled his on. You gave him a small smile when he gave you a reassuring one and took your hand. As you stepped outside you spotted a couple of news vans parked outside, Andy must have done too because he picked up the pace towards the car. 

He opened the car door for you but as he did so you noticed something had been spraypainted on your garage door. You quickly tap him on the arm and point it out, his back straightening as he turns and spots the words ‘cheating whore’ written in red spray paint. 

“Fuckers” he growled “I’ll deal with that later I promise,” he says gently pushing you to get in the car, shutting the car door a little harder than he probably meant to.

As Andy made his way around to the driver's seat, you kept your head down brushing your hands down your jeans and picking at your nails. You kept your head down the entire drive to the police station, not only to avoid the press outside your home but to avoid the stares of passersbyers. It felt like everyone you passed was judging you, no longer trusting your side of the story. Glancing up at Andy you began to worry if he was doubting it too. 

Pulling up outside of the police station you could see there was press here too and you suddenly felt sick, your body beginning to shake as you stared up at the building. 

“Hey,” Andy says softly reaching out to take your hand “It’s going to be okay, I promise” 

You nod your head “Won’t this look bad? Us going to the police?” you ask quietly.

“No, it would look worse if the police came to us, by doing this it’s showing we have nothing to hide and we don’t” Andy explains gently squeezing your hand.

You force a small smile before moving to climb out of the car. Andy followed after you, gently taking your hand as you walked into the police station to hand over the letters. You were surprised to find Inspector Blanc putting on his jacket about to leave.

“Ah I was just about to come find you” he smiles when he spots you. 

“You saw Fox News?” Andy asks. 

“Yes, it’s a dangerous game they’re playing” Blanc sighs “I was coming to ask if you had received any letters, the others doubted it but if they can get themselves on the news, they can pass on a letter” he shrugs glancing over his shoulder. 

“Well it was a good hunch” Andy says passing the letters over to him “There were 7 in total”

“Seven?” Blanc says his brow arching “Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” he asks glancing over at you. 

You shrugged your shoulders “I dunno, i-i- panicked- didn’t realise it was something you could stop” you admit “I only told Andy after he saw the news”

Blanc nods as he flips through the letters, reading each one, you nervously gulp as he does so, trying to read the expression on his face “Well given the contents it's understandable” he says “There’s only six here, you said there was seven” he then points out. 

“I burnt the first one it- it was a mistake I know but- but those are the more…graphic ones… each one got more intense” you swallow looking down at the floor unable to bring yourself to see the look on Andy’s face. 

“We’re guessing he sent them to his parents and they forwarded them on, which is witness intimidation” Andy suggests his hand squeezing yours slightly. 

“Damn right it is” Blanc grumbles “C’mon let's talk about this more upstairs,” he says gesturing for you to follow him deeper into the building. 

“Thank you” Andy sighs placing his hand on the small of your back to guide you. 

You wrap your arms around you tightly as Blanc leads the both of you through the precinct towards the other detectives who instantly stand to attention when they notice you. 

“It’s a good thing we didn’t settle on a wager” Blanc states as he slaps the letters into Detective Elliot’s hand.

Elliot quickly flips through them his eyes widening before he passes them over to Wagner to read, you shift uncomfortably as they do so worried that maybe Ransom was planting seeds of doubt in their minds. 

“Were you really not going to check if she received any letters?” Andy demands hands clenched into fists by his side. 

“We’re sorry it won’t happen again” Elliot promises holding his hands up to placate Andy, he then turns his attention to Wagner “Get in contact with the prison and shut this down, take away all privileges if you have to” he orders. 

Wagner nods passing the letters back to Elliot before stepping away to make the call “We’ll be submitting these to evidence, see if we can lift any fingerprints” Blanc reassures you “We can promise he won’t be able to contact you any more”

You breathe out a shaky sigh of relief “Thank you” you manage to say. 

“It's the least we can do, have you guys experienced any other negative attention following the news?” Elliot asks grabbing a notepad. 

“Yes our garage door was graffitied” Andy sighs glancing down at you, you immediately advert your gaze and look down at the floor. 

“Okay we can station an officer outside to prevent any more vandalism, is there anything else?” Elliot asks. 

“No” Andy states as you say “I-”

Andy’s brows furrow as he turns to look down at you “Honey? What is it?” he asks placing a calming hand on your shoulder. 

“I-” you start again before screwing your eyes shut and shaking your head “It’s nothing” you mutter.

“Honey if it’s worrying you it can’t be nothing” he says softly turning you to face him, hands running up and down your arms soothingly. 

“The same day the first letter arrived these girls ran over to me and Carrie at the park, it was all a bit of a blur but they were fans of Harlan and Ransom and said they didn’t blame me for being with him” You admit quietly, looking down at the floor.

Andy’s hands tense for a split second around your arms before relaxing and returning to their soothing rhythm “Why didn’t you tell me?” Andy says his tone soft. 

“I didn’t want you to worry” you whisper finally looking back up at him and seeing the pained look on his face “I’m sorry” you apologise as tears collect in your eyes. 

“It's okay, it's okay” Andy sighs wrapping his arms around you, pulling you into his embrace and rubbing your back soothingly. 

You let out a shuddering breath as you buried your face into his chest and deeply breathed in his cologne which always seemed to calm you. Closing your eyes you could almost pretend none of this was happening, that you weren’t in a police station handing over letters that detailed everything you were guilty of. 

“We promise we’ll try and get on top of the press, we can release a statement and do a press conference to dispel the rumours” Elliot promises “The preliminary hearing is in two weeks so hopefully we can collect the final bits of evidence we need to ensure he goes down for this”

“In the meantime, it might be good to get away” Blanc suggests “Stay with a family or-or a friend and have some peace and quiet before the ruckus of the trail starts” he says gesturing with his hand. 

“Won’t that look like we’re running away?” you ask glancing up at Andy.

He lets out a long sigh considering it before shaking his head “No because we have nothing to run from, they can try and paint you as the villain all they like but we know you’re innocent and the evidence shows it too” he states “we can go visit Frank and Mary” he suggests.

A smile involuntarily creeps onto your lips at the thought of heading down south to see Frank and Mary “Yeah.. That sounds nice” you nod. 

Andy gives you a soft smile before leaning down to press a kiss to the top of your head “Great, I’ll give Frank a call” 

You give him another smile hoping that maybe this getaway would be what fixed everything between you. Time away from the press, nothing to remind Andy of everything you’d done.

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