#and now it’s easier to socialise with people in some form :)

[soft-serve-soymilk]

Friendship win! Another person in the art secret society has archeops as their favourite fossil pokemon 😌

#also a great example of the butterfly effect. Played pokemon b/w bc of Dolphin and learnt things about the series #and now it’s easier to socialise with people in some form :) #which is like. the sheer opposite of what happened to Dism 😭 i’m sorry buddy i’m living your dream #but tbf pkmn is to dism what persona was to me at the same age so 🤝 same experience different media #and yes the yhnn brainrot is real but that is to be expected as I’m priming myself for the next herculean folio ✨ #just pav things

[morgana-larkin]

Hey I was wondering if u could do a Melissa x reader were reader struggles with SH and Melissa finds out some how and comforts reader and helps her to not SH or something like that (also I completely understand if u don’t wanna write this and really sorry if it’s triggering to u sorry and thank u)

Hi, thank you for the prompt! I will admit that this one got me a bit. It wasn’t that triggering for me but it was still hard to write. I hope that SH meant self harm or this fic took a very different turn than what you wanted. I went with the reader is autistic because I’m able to relate to that and made it easier to write the feelings and emotions. So here it is and I hope you like it. And of course not edited in the slightest. And I am still taking prompts, I’m currently writing another one for a prompt I got.

Little Droplets of Relief

‼️ TRIGGER WARNING ‼️

This fic heavily describes and talks about self harm and cutting. If you think you’ll get triggered then please don’t read it.

Words: 4.38k

Lazy, useless, unlovable.

3 words that you were used to hearing, mostly from yourself.

Growing up with Autism that went undiagnosed until you were 16 was difficult. There were times when you felt too tired to do anything or you forgot to do basic needs, like eating or brushing your teeth. Lazy.

There were other times when all you wanted to do was drown out society because everything was too much or when you didn’t pick up the most obvious social cues. Useless.

You’ve turned down many invitations from friends because you just felt like laying in your bed and live in the world conjured up by your thoughts. You've been clingy with some people because they don’t leave you and they’re someone you know but that led people to leave you. Everyone left you at some point. Everyone. Unlovable.

Those 3 words, a mantra in your head. Often led you to sit on your bed, rocking yourself back and forth and sometimes tug at your hair.

Until one day, those words in your head distracted you when you went to reach for a fork and ended up picking up a steak knife, from the sharp end. As soon as you picked it up, you dropped it and saw you were bleeding, and the voices stopped for a whole day. So when they returned the next day, you did your usual rocking on the bed and tugged at your own hair so hard you pulled some strands right out. Then you thought of what happened yesterday, you looked at your bandaged hand that your mom did when you told her you accidentally cut yourself. You bled and the voices stopped. So you grabbed a knife from the kitchen when you’re parents weren’t looking and you gave yourself a small cut on the wrist and you watched it bleed. You watched little droplets of blood fall from you and with the blood, the voices left.

It started off small, you would only give yourself a cut when everything else you tried didn’t work, but soon what turned into about once a week, turned into every other day then turned into everyday. Everyday before bed, you would do a small cut on your wrist and watch the blood fall, you called it your little droplets of relief. You always did small so you can easily cover it up with something, when it was hot out, like a scrunchie or thick bracelet.

You were 15 at the time when you started cutting yourself. Then at 17 you got diagnosed with Asperger’s which you were told was a form of Autism. You knew nothing about it. You were explained what it is, it’s mostly known as a social disorder but it’s other things too. For instance you can get tired from socialising, get overwhelmed and block the world out , have obsessions, and in some cases suffer on and off with depression. When you got told this, a lot of things made sense. And while you now had a name to it, you cutting yourself didn’t stop, it became an obsession, a dangerous obsession.

Now you are 27. You’ve been working at Abbott Elementary for a year now as a first grade teacher and you love it there. The kids are crazy, the staff even more, the principal was a whole different level though. You felt like you fit in here, you never felt like you fit in anywhere, always an outcast. You became friends with some of the teachers. The first one you became friends with was Jacob, he was nerdy like you, you had a lot of similar interests. The second one was Gregory, you don’t know why, but you felt like he was like you, he never said anything but a lot of things he does, you do. The third was Janine, although you still are wary of her, a little ball of energy like that can sometimes be too much for you. The next one was Barb, she was sweet to you since you started, always giving great advice if you need it and always lending an ear. Ava you’re still unsure of, her personality was big and her ego even bigger, but she cared about the students and she took some getting used to until you saw a person instead of well… Ava you guess. Then there was Melissa. She was wary of you at first, being new, but you saw she had a heart behind all those leather pants and insults. It took both of you awhile to warm up to each other.

While everyone was nice to you and you considered them friends, you never got close to them. You didn’t want to, because as soon as you did, then poof they’re gone. So you kept them all at a distance, you barely talked about yourself, you didn’t ask them questions about themselves either. You sometimes got up and left if the conversation got personal, mumbling out an excuse of some sort. The only one who really noticed that you did that was Melissa.

You’re not sure why but she seemed to take an interest in you. She kept trying to get to know you but always failed. Until one day she was talking with you in your classroom, you went to reach something and your sleeve rolled up, exposing your cuts right at her. You went a little crazier last night but it was chillier today so you thought it would be fine and just had to wear a long sleeve.

“What are those?” She said

“They’re nothing.” You said defensively. Pulling your sleeve back down

“They didn’t look like nothing.”

“Like I said , it’s nothing so just drop it ok.” You told her.

“Give me your wrist then.”

“What?”

“If you say it’s nothing then you’ll have no problem letting me see your wrist. So come on, let me see your wrist.” She said and you froze. I mean she did have a point, you aren’t showing her because they are something.

“This really isn’t any of your business or concern Melissa, I mean I barely even know you.” You told her, trying to deflect and get out of the conversation revolving your wrist.

“Because you won’t let yourself know me, and you won’t let other people know you.”

“People aren’t worth my time , not if all they do is leave. Like I seriously don’t know why other people try to make friends, people don’t stick around.” You said to her and this confused her. You confuse her. First you have mysterious cuts on your wrist, then you say that people aren’t worth your time. Then she thought about it.

“How many people left you?”

“What?”

“I said , how many people in your life has left you?”

“Too many to count.”

Melissa did end up dropping the cuts on your wrists, but she still worried about you because she has a pretty good idea of why they’re there. It wasn’t until one day, 2 weeks after she saw your cuts, that you came in tired, more tired than just the usual tiredness in the morning.

“You ok y/n?” Melissa asked as you walked into the break room.

“Ya I’m fine. Just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.” You told her, and it was a half lie. You did get about 5 hours of sleep but that was only because you had to clean up some blood as you cut a bit too deep by accident. On top of that, you’ve been forgetting to eat, you didn’t eat at all yesterday and you forgot a lunch today, and slept in this morning by accident so you also didn’t have breakfast.

Melissa watched you walk to the coffee machine and poured yourself a cup. You look pale as a ghost but Melissa isn’t going to ask, the last time she asked about you, you shut her down.

It wasn’t until lunchtime that she got worried. She watched you stumble your kids to the cafeteria, and since she was paying attention to you, she saw you lose your balance a couple times and that you kept grabbing your head. When you came back to your classroom to grade some tests, Melissa was sitting in your chair.

“Melissa, what are you doing here?” You asked her.

“I think you know. You look pale. Did you eat recently?” She asked and you just looked at her. The thing is you need to sit down as you’re really lightheaded.

“Can I have my chair back?” You asked her and she got up. But you took 2 steps and you got dizzy and fainted. The last thing you saw through blurry vision is red hair hovering over you in frantic movements.

You woke up and looked around and realised that you’re in the nurse’s office.

“Oh look who’s finally awake.” A voice said and you looked to your left and saw Melissa sitting on a chair looking at you. She has one leg over the over and her hands on the arm rest of the chair. “I got Mr Johnson and Ava to cover our classes while we talk.”

“Talk about what? And where’s the nurse?” You asked her when you realised she wasn’t here.

“Like I said, we need to talk, in private.” Is all she said. And the look on her face shows she’s in no mood for anything and not going to let you shut her down.

You sighed. “Look Melissa, I’m fine, just forgot to eat and pack a lunch. But I’m fine now.” You went to get up but Melissa got to you and pushed you back to the bed.

She then walked back to the chair and bent down to get something out of her purse. “Here, after I brought you here I got some food from down the street.” She said and handed you a store bought sandwich. You didn’t take it though, you just looked at her confused. “It’s not poisonous if that’s what you’re worried about.” She said.

“It’s not what I’m worried about.” You said.

“Just take it and eat it. I don’t want you fainting again.” She said and shoved it into your hand. You finally took it and started eating it. “Now I’m going to ask you some questions and I want you to be truthful with me. And before you start getting defensive or try to shut me down, I saw your wrists and you fainted right in front of me.” She said, and if you weren’t already pale then you would have been now.

“You what?” Is all you said and froze about to take a bite of the sandwich.

“I saw them. Do you want to tell me why there’s cuts on your wrists?” She asked and you shook your head and she sighed. “Ok I know why but since you won’t tell me then let me ask you this. Why haven’t you been eating, I think you’ve gone a lot longer than just today of not eating, with how pale you were this morning.” She was really pushing it and you didn’t know what to do, she pieced a lot of things together and has you cornered.

“Can we not do this right now?” You told her, you knew that she won’t let this go and this was going to be a heavy conversation, and you didn’t want to do it at school.

“If not now then when y/n? When things get worse? Because I hate to break it to you, it got worse already.” She said and the tone of voice she was using, almost sounded like fear. Although you don’t know why.

“It can be today but just not here.” You said and looked at your lap. Melissa sighed and you looked back up at her.

“Ok, how about I drive you to my place after school and make you dinner and then you can tell me then?” She proposed and you looked at her confused, you don’t know why she’s doing this for you. “I don’t want you driving if you’ve barely ate. So either way I’m going to drive you. And before you think about it, I already took your car keys.” She said, you looked at her and she began spinning your keys on her finger proudly.

“Alright, but you don’t have to make me anything, I’ll just eat when I get back home.” You told her.

“I always make enough for 12 hun, you’ll eat at my house.” She tells you, leaving no room for argument and you nod. After you ate the sandwich you felt a bit better. You and Melissa went back to your classes and you just had your students read or draw for the rest of the day.

At the end of the day, Melissa came to your classroom to drive you to her place. “Ready to go?” She asked and you nodded, grabbing your bag. You followed her out to the parking lot and to her car. You noticed she kept looking back at you, probably to make sure you aren’t going to faint again.

She drove you to her place and got you to sit on her couch, you did as instructed and just sat there, twiddling your thumbs nervously. And at some point you dozed off because she was shaking you gently and telling you the food was ready. You both ate on the couch, she wasn’t worried about spills as the couch is covered in plastic. After you finished, pretty much inhaled your food, she put your plate on the coffee table then looked at you.

“When was the last time you ate?” She asked first.

“Dinner, the day before yesterday.” You said plainly and she looked at you worried. Well might as well come out and say it. “I’m autistic, and sometimes I forget to do basic things, like eat. It’s not the first time I’ve forgotten to eat, although it’s the first time I’ve fainted. I usually only forget one meal, not a whole day.” You said and she put her arm on the top of the couch, looking at you.

“And what about the cuts on your wrists? Why did you do those?” She asked the burning question.

“To make my brain shut up.” You said and looked down at your hands on your lap.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean the things my brain says on repeat, until I give myself a cut. It won’t shut up until I do, I’ve tried everything else before. This is the only thing that works.” You told her and she looks at you softly.

“Hun, there are so many ways to do that, and harming yourself shouldn’t be one.” She said and put a hand on your knee and began gently rubbing your knee. “What does your brain tell you on repeat?” She asks and a tear rolls down your cheek.

“3 words, lazy, useless, unlovable.” You said as another tear rolled down your cheek.

“Hun, you aren’t any of those things. When did this start? The words in your head and the cutting?”

“When I was 15. I couldn’t keep handling it. It got to the point where I was ripping my hair out. And then one day the voice in my head was telling me those words when I went to reach for a fork, got distracted and picked up a knife, from the pointy end. And as I watched the blood trickle out and down my arm, the voice went away for a whole day. And then the next day when they came back, I experimented and gave myself a small cut, and it worked. I only started doing it once a week, then that slowly turned into multiple times a week and then everyday, I like to call it little droplets of relief. I only ever gave myself small ones so I can cover them up with something, especially in the summer. But last night I cut too deep by accident.” You told her and she looked at you sympathetically. “I got diagnosed when I was 17, but by then it was too late.”

“And why don’t you ever let people in? You keep them at a distance.”

“People they leave, at one point or another. People always leave when I get close and it hurts. So to not get hurt, I don’t get close. It’s easier and less painful that way.”

“Hun, you shouldn’t be dealing with this by yourself. Everyone needs someone.” She tells you.

“I don’t need anyone, I’ve been fine by myself. It’s better that way for everyone anyway.”

“What do you mean it’s better for everyone?”

“I mean that I stay away and don’t need people, and they don’t have to deal with me.” You told her.

“Do you really think you’re so unlovable that someone wouldn’t want to be there for you?” She asks and you look at her with tear stained cheeks and nod. “Well from what I know about you, you’re a pretty great person who tries to take on too much by herself and doesn’t give herself a break.” She tells you and you lift your legs and pull them close to your body and hug them. Melissa thinks you look so small and vulnerable, it broke her heart that someone can think those things about themselves when they’re a good person. “I think you’re good enough.” She simply tells you and you look at her surprised.

“Why would you say that when it isn’t true?” And your voice is almost a whisper and you’re about to cry.

“Because it is true, you are good enough and you shouldn’t think otherwise.” She tells you and you start crying. “Can I hug you?” She asks you and you look at her and sniff, then nod your head as more tears roll down your cheeks. She brings you closer to her and you put your legs down and off the couch. Melissa wraps her arms around you and starts rubbing your back soothingly. You don’t know what to think at first about her hugging you, it’s been so long since someone has touched you, not even a hug for over 5 years. And you realise that you miss it, you miss physical contact with people. And you wrap your arms around Melissa’s waist and hold on tight as you continue to cry. You fall asleep in her arms and she doesn’t have the heart to move you, so she leans down on the couch and reaches for the blanket that’s on the top and puts a pillow under her. She drapes the blanket over you both and she falls asleep.

After that day, Melissa has taken it upon herself to help you, help you cope in healthier ways. Both of you try different ways and at first nothing seems to work, then after a few more tries. You found something, and you don’t know how you didn’t think of it before. The one thing you found that helped, was the one thing you never had before, someone there to rub your back or hug you or just there to listen to you. You started getting better and you kept finding more ways to help, like fidget spinners, earplugs, a rubber ball to squeeze if you need to squeeze something due to intense emotions.

And with Melissa helping you, you began to open up to her and you let her open up to you. And after some time feelings appeared, and you freaked out. You didn’t know how to deal with it, you’ve had small crushes before but the last time was in high school before you cut people out. And at this point you relapse after 3 months straight of not giving yourself a cut. The voices in your head only said one thing, one word now instead of 3, unlovable. You take a knife and drag it across your wrist, of course Melissa wouldn’t want you, she’s only helping you to be nice, nothing more. You did another cut and watched the blood flow down your arm. The voice didn’t stop and it got louder. You went to your other wrist and did the same thing, 2 cuts, but it still wasn’t working. You did it again, only this time, you made a mistake, you cut too deep and you were losing blood. You got lightheaded quickly and passed out.

And that was how Melissa found you a minute later as she came to your house every day to watch shows together or to chat. She opened your door with the key you gave her and she found you passed out on the ground, blood dripping from your wrist.

“Y/N! No no no!” She ran to you and tried to shake you awake and you wouldn’t, she checked your pulse and thankfully you were still alive but weak. She ran to your bathroom and grabbed towels and applied them to the cut and put pressure to try and stop the bleeding. And thankfully it did. As soon as it stopped, she went to get bandages and wet paper towels. She cleaned your arm up and then wrapped your arm with the bandage. She then picked you up and carried you to your bed and laid you down, then she sat on the other side of the bed and stayed with you until you woke up.

You woke up a couple hours later. You opened your eyes and blinked a couple times, you looked to your side and you see Melissa there. She hasn’t noticed you awake yet. She’s hugging herself and looks deep in thought. You call her name.

“Melissa?” You croak out and she snaps out of her head and looks at you. She looks happy to see you awake and then she gets angry.

“What the hell were you thinking!? I thought you were passed this?!? And then I find you on the ground with blood coming out of your arm!!” She yelled at you and you looked at her with wide eyes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, it just happened.” You tell her.

“I thought you were dead y/n! Do you understand that? And you could have if I didn’t show up when I did.” She tells you and you look at your arm, it’s now bandaged up. “I was able to stop the bleeding and patch you up. I almost called an ambulance.” She tells you and you snap your head to her. Too think that you were so close to death and you have her to thank. “Why did you do it? Why didn’t you try something else? We’ve been able to find different ways, healthier ways, not dangerous ways.”

“I tried but none of them worked and I only meant to give myself a little one, but the voice didn’t stop repeating that one word and it got louder and louder.” You tell her.

“What word?” She asks you.

“Unlovable.”

“Y/n, I’ve told you many times that it’s not true, many people will grow to love you if you let them.” She tells you genuinely.

“What about you?”

“What about me?” She asks confused.

“You wouldn’t love me. I mean you’re only helping me to be nice. No other reason.” You tell her and you look at your hands.

“Y/n, I’m helping you because believe or not, I care about you. I’m your friend.” She tells you and you can’t help it, as soon as she says friend, it spills out.

“Ya, and that’s all you’ll ever be.” You snap a bit.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She asks, she has no idea where any of this is coming from.

“Forget it, forget I said anything.” You tell her trying to backtrack, you’re not going to tell her how you feel. You don’t want to ruin this friendship with her over something stupid as your feelings for her. But Melissa pushes you, she’s not going to back down, not after finding you like she did.

“No, you’re not going to do this again. Tell me what you mean. Please.” She tells you. She almost begs you at the end.

“It means that you’ll never be more than a friend.” You tell her like it’s obvious.

“What else would I be?” She asks, still confused. And then you look at her and she looks into your eyes, and she sees the hurt and fear. And then she figures it out. “Y/n, do you have feelings for me?” She asks gently and you close your eyes and nod. You don’t want to see her reaction when she rejects you and then leaves. But she doesn’t do either. To your surprise she cups your cheek. You open your eyes and look at her in shock. “I’m not going anywhere. And if I’m being honest, I have feelings for you too.”

“I thought you were straight?!?” You tell her and she giggles.

No, I’m bisexual, I’ve dated girls here and there but nothing ever stuck.” She tells you and moves the hand that’s on your cheek to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and you lean in. Your lips land on hers and she kisses you back. You think that this is where you’re meant to be, with her, with Melissa. She’s your shining light. “Is that what happened? Did you realise you have feelings for me and the voice in your head happened?” She asked suddenly and you nod. “Oh Bella, I wish you would have told me what was going on.” She tells you and your heart does a flip at the nickname.

“I will next time, before I do anything.” You tell her

“You promise?” She asks and you nod. She sticks her pinky out and you lock yours with hers in a pinky swear. “You can never break a pinky swear.” She tells you and you laugh.

“I pinky swear to come to you before I do anything stupid.” You tell her and that satisfies her. And she puts an arm around you and brings you to her and you cuddle on her chest, listening to her heartbeat. And this you think, are your new droplets of relief.

Taglist: @esposadejoyhuerta ,@imaginesmultifandoms

If you wish to be added to the taglist then let me know :)

#melissa schemmenti x reader #melissa schemmenti x oc #melissa schemmenti x you #melissa schemmenti #x reader #fanfic

[yakultstanreblog]

Confession:

(disclaimer: these are only deep contemplations of mine, I have no intention to perform reckless acts)

I've spent a majority of my life wondering if there's something inherently wrong with me in terms of my ability to interact with other people. This is particularly apparent when it comes to (a majority of) my romantic endeavors.

The past two years for me have been spent wondering if everything I've done to follow in the footsteps of those who came before me have been all for naught. The more time goes by, the more it seems to hold true. We're not really meant to conform to society as it is now.

I believe that a majority of us have never truly experienced the raw sensations which are meant to accompany being human, and emptiness is no stranger to those of us who are attempting to navigate this world rather than be pulled along by the tide; it all seems to be superficial, and I rarely encounter people who are brave enough to admit their entire life has been a lie.

Perhaps it could just be the ramblings of someone who is so far removed from normality, but I often think (and have thought so before, in my teens) that my views are abnormal and that it would be better for me to speak less than say what I really feel about the world and others around me.

I have been awaiting someone who may understand and accept for me for who I am. I've found what I thought to be true love many times, and it has made me a much better person, but I often think about if things would be better if I were someone else.

you know, I could obviously be wrong (just kidding I’m literally god) but to me, every point you made is a part the human experience itself - personally I’ve come to accept that yes there is something inherently wrong with me - in terms of the norms that have been socially constructed within the society I live in, but that doesn’t actually mean it’s wrong (language and concepts, rights & wrongs etc are all socially constructed too).. it doesn’t make the longing to feel “right” any easier, but there’s a little less pain in accepting “it is what it is”…but at the same time, while you may never feel understood (at least I haven’t yet either and have come to accept maybe I never will), you’re still a human! (despite maybe not feeling like it at times?) so there’s a commonality there that literally can’t be taken away from you..also feel understood in knowing there are others out there who feel so incredibly misunderstood too, maybe in different ways but the feeling is still the same..FEELING IS ALWAYS THE SAME despite being expressed and described in different ways (so very human!) ….another thing I’ve learned is that socialisation takes a lot of practice and consistency combined with again acceptance that maybe you won’t feel understood, sometimes understanding yourself can be enough and sometimes understanding yourself can be too much, so know that just “being” is all that was ever required of you while you’re here.

I don’t think we’re meant to “do anything” really, I don’t think we should be trying to “be anything” unless it brings us fulfilment in some way (and sometimes this fulfilment is false due to conforming to a certain expectation which is a whole other can of worms but regardless it’s fulfilment in some form)..

idk I feel like I could go on forever but for the sake of not writing an entire thesis I’m just gonna say whether we believe anything to be superficial or “real” ..it is. We can easily say everything is superficial OR everything is real or some things are superficial and some things are real and all theories are as true as each other. Language has been created and used to once again construct concepts within society but at the end of the day everything we think we know is all manmade - like, we genuinely could all conclude our entire life is a lie bc literally what the fuck is this??? like idk why I’m here or if existence on earth is even real.. and like the fact we are just here for a bit and then we’re gone like the fuck is up with that?? :,)

also, if you feel this way I’m assuming ur neurodiverse and if this is the case then pls remember that while ur views may seem/feel abnormal etc. maybe it’s just the way you express them? maybe it’s just the way you think about them? maybe it’s the way others don’t think about them in the same way you do? maybe it’s the way others don’t express them in the same way you do? none of this means that you have entirely different views.. in fact probably many ppl, particularly neurodiverse ppl have come to similar conclusions, but y’all are never going to feel as though you relate bc ur minds are so particular about the ways in which you perceive, interpret and express things that nothing anyone says is ever going to feel right/just like how you percieve and express things - ikr kinda brutal that not even neurodiverse ppl can relate to each other half the time, leaving us to feel even more isolated than we already do…

anyways this is just from my experiences/understandings of the world and obvs it might not click with you (and it also takes practice to rewire ur thinking… and also my way of thinking is not right or wrong and is also everchanging) - but also pls don’t try to be someone else (u can try out different identities bc identities are socially constructed also and are an ongoing performance but don’t try any that don’t feel right for you) , you wouldn’t have been born if the world requested someone else at that particular time, life is about learning and experiencing and taking our own unique path so try ur very best to not compare urs to others and try to find confidence in urself as you are first (Ik easier said than done but practice liteeally fake it at first if u need) and im sure you’ll find that more ppl then start to find confidence in you too <33 maybe oneday you’ll feel understood, but there are glimpses of light in the meantime, promise!

#SEND CONFESSIONS I AM GOD LMAO #hope this made sense lol

[mittch22]

Rod Redline Headcanons:

(He's such a beautiful boi!)

He's not dead! (Duh!)

Rod is incredibly intelligent, although not in the conventional method of measure. He failed every one of his final high school examinations, but was more than adept at sport and martial arts, along with having incredible abilities in problem solving. He was pretty good at drama too. It allowed him to get away from himself for a bit. 

He was often suspended from high school, on the basis of the amounts of fights he would get into. 

Although it got him into a lot of legal trouble a couple of times as a young man after he left the army, he was amazing at forging new identities and transforming into a new person. It was when he was arrested for the second time that the agency that hired him on as a spy formed an interest in him. They got him out of prison and into the world of international espionage.

He’s fluent in Russian. Hardly surprising since he fought in the military during the cold war. It served him very well. 

Rod didn't have any close family or friends. His family were… not pleasant shall we say, and friends only ever seemed to get him into trouble. So he kept to himself, ensuring no relationship ever passed the point of acquaintance. 

He’s never been one for socialisation, but get a couple drinks in him and he’ll be more than happy to regale anyone who asks with crazy stories from the past of his current deep cover persona.

He thrives in stressful situations. Lives for high speed chases and relishes the thrill of near death experiences. Although this is useful in his job, it's very much a deep rooted pain he refuses to face. He’s never been close to anyone, and the loneliness is sometimes crippling to him. But he knows he needs to keep it that way, if anything to protect other people from the dangers of his work.

After the interrogation in the warehouse, Rod was left for dead. He had felt himself slipping a few times, edging in and out of consciousness and in excruciating agony. He was rescued, to his surprise by two of the lemons that had a change of heart after seeing what had happened to Rod. They helped him recover and got him back to his agency. They were arrested for their crimes, but Rod pulled some strings, getting them an early release. 

Rod was deemed permanently and horrifically disabled by the torture he endured. Although there was hope for him to have a slow recovery, it would never be a full one. And he would never be able to return to work or even perform certain basic tasks. And the thought of that destroyed him. 

The lemons he got released from prison contacted him to thank him, one of them going to visit him. He ended up staying with Rod as his housemate and eventually carer and then unlikely best friend. He keeps Rod sane and helps him with everything he needs, and he takes Rod to all of his hospital and therapy appointments with no complaints. Although full trust took awhile, they both have it between each other now. And they are completely inseparable. 

Rod now enjoys being able to just wind down. It felt wrong at first, since he was so used to not stopping. But since it's pretty much all he can do now, he's learned gradually to love it. 

There isn’t an atom that makes up his body that isn’t full of sarcasm.

He can be incredibly grumpy when caught on a bad day. 

He is eternally grateful for his best friend and often wonders how on earth he can put up with him. But he does, utilising his eternal patience for him. And Rod loves him for it. 

Rod often gets incredibly frustrated with not being able to do much. But he tries anyway, and never gives up until he's managed to do it. Much to his friends' concern. But he never coddles him. Instead he simply helps to find ways to make it easier for Rod, or simply encourages him to continue. If anything, it helps him regain mobility and makes him feel accomplished, even with the little things. 

Rod is a sucker for a lot of B rated feel good films and shows. But he’s taking that to his grave.

Finn McMissile and Holley Shiftwell occasionally drop in to check on Rod. They feel responsible for what happened to him, but Rod doesn't pass them any blame. Although he shouldn't really, Finn gives him updates on what's going on in the their world and the missions they undertake. It makes Rod feel like he's still a part of the action and he's grateful to the both of them.

#cars fandom #cars #pixar cars #cars headcanons #cars pixar #cars 2 #rod redline #finn mcmissile #holley shiftwell #lemons #our favourite blue boi needs some love

[thethoughtfulrabbit]

The Perfect Blend for Isolation

I have thought about writing this for a while but always backed out. I knew it would cause some people to be confused, or even angry with me, but I need to get this off my mind.

I am Autistic, Dyslexic, and I have a Phonological Processing Disorder I have a spikey IQ profile, and low EQ (Emotional Intelligence). All of this combines to make the perfect blend of isolation. Here's why.

Within the online Autistic community, I am not welcome because I cannot form arguments well. I cannot access the information I know I hold in my head that counters what someone is saying. It just will not come out into words. I am then more often than not told I am "stupid", "moronic" or "mental".

I am surrounded by Hyperlexic Autistic people in spaces such as Tumblr and Reddit. There is an expectation that I can read the same piece of text as the rest of you and have perfect comprehension. I just don't! If I ask questions or misunderstand I am told I am being "a troll" or "abusive". How else am I meant to understand what has been written?

In the offline world, I cannot engage in group activities or socialise the same way other people can. I cannot even put on an Autistic Mask. My sensory overwhelm is easily triggered, I find many things in the world to be physically painful. I cannot pronounce words properly. I cannot process what is being said to me quickly enough for conversation. I cannot even process what I need to say quickly enough! I can't think of any small talk or how to progress a conversation. I cannot understand body language properly. I can't memorise instructions that have been given to me verbally. I can't remember what has just been said to me! I cannot process time or subtle words like "should" "could" "maybe" - my brain hears these as absolutes instead. A "maybe" is a I will, a "should" is a must, a "could" is a "this will definitely happen". It is exhausting and leads to me not being able to follow a conversation properly.

My spikey IQ means that I do not have access to support groups for people with lower IQs, even though for things such as processing and memory, I have extremely low scores. I am simply not allowed in these spaces! So where am I meant to go when I have demonstrated to myself repeatedly that I do not belong with the rest of society or within the Autistic community?

Books are something that make me very tired but I do enjoy reading them. It is easier to understand a book because the author has taken years to consider what they want to say. There is often little consequence if I have not properly understood an author either. It is upsetting that people then become angry at me when I struggle to read emails, messages, and other forms of written communication. Often times your writing is poorly put together - everyone's is - when it comes to quick writing.

There is probably much more I have missed above, but I struggle with writing and getting my thoughts out. I feel trapped within my own body because I cannot express what I mean in a way that people can understand. I feel like I am the only Autistic person on earth experiencing these things! I barely use social media now because I just cannot follow what is going on. I don't really go anywhere on my own because I don't know what people are saying. I just have myself and my own thoughts with the only feedback I get from the world being "You're stupid".

I wish there was a place in the world where I fitted, with patience and understanding of my complex communication needs. I will keep on trying to find people who are kind and understanding, who don't instantly reject me for not being as "quick" as them. I am tired of being othered and dehumanised. I just wish I as not so alone in the world.

#actually autistic #autism #autistic adult #autistic experiences #let’s discuss #discussion #neurodivergent #neurospicy #isolation #alone with my thoughts

[stay-with-eunhae]

Eunhae analyses - why is Eunhae real - part 5(Donghae’s personality analysis)

Thank you 溫莎虫 again for granting me permission to translate the post

For first-time readers, my words would be in italics, while the words from the original author would be normal. Also, some short forms he=happy ending, be=bad ending in Chinese. These are used as both nouns and adjectives. I also follow as I want to preserve the meaning of the original meaning of the author.

For non-Eunhae shippers, you can just leave this page. No one forces you to read. We have our freedom to believe what we think, you also have the freedom to believe what you think. We don't mind your business, so you also don't have to mind our business. Thank you.

I analysed the mbti of Hyukjae before, but not for Donghae. I always feel that compared with the contrasts and contradictions of Hyukjae, Donghae is much easier to be seen through.

However, as I started to analyse Donghae systematically, I realised there are still points worth noting. When disclosing the innate character through the familiar scenes, we can realise that the person that loves everyone equally, still loves Hyukjae the most.

Donghae's mbti is ENFJ, passionate and sincere, the educator that shines for everyone like the sun.

This kind of person puts emotions as the first priority. Is good at and relies on socialising. Idealistic. Has a strong sense of cooperation and teamwork. Is sensitive to the conditions of the people surrounding him. Would build a sense of responsibility for himself.

These are all very obvious personality traits. If you understand Donghae more, it is easy to discover these traits in him. This blog entry is not meant to introduce his personality, but just roughly conclude some most flagrant qualities.

Members always say, if not because of Donghae, super junior may not be able to exist till now.

With the competitive atmosphere at that time, anyone could be kicked out of super junior at any time. They were filled with worries. Even though they were companions for each other, they also had competitive relationships with each other. At a time when everyone was highly sensitive due to unforeseen futures, Donghae always put the team as the first priority. Compared with his personal career development, he cares more about team development.

ENFJ is always the one who has the strongest sense to cooperate in a team. He would always remind himself as a part of the team. He would use all he can to ensure to the team is getting together.

Even though Donghae always gives a feeling of a 'free spirit', he is actually a person who can notice the hints given from others' eyes. He is pretty observant and can notice the change in mood of the people around him.

Even though he said he is afraid of cameras and variety shows, his EQ is definitely decent, or even at a level that can master social situations well. He understands completely what kind of people he should date with. The prerequisite of this strength is that he is a very sincere person.

Talking about ENFJ, people like this kind of person are usually due to their sincerity. They are generally very likeable, as they know how to socialise well.

Being good at socialising does not mean being tactful and mature, as probably they are only willing to put effort into dating. Socialising is a vital part of ENFJ's life. They need friends and need to date people. They like the feeling that they can rely on others.

A quality of ENFJ that can be said as a strength or weakness is their altruism.

They are full of emotions, highly empathetic, can sense the emotions of others easily, and love everyone idealistically. They are willing to lower their own sense of existence to help the overall development.

They are the natural 'vice-leaders'. Their beliefs towards the team would make them get close to leadership inadvertently, but their escape towards responsibility and ruling would also lead them to refuse the highest leadership position. This also explains why Donghae is not the leader of the group, is not the eldest of the group, but has very decent power in his words.

Above these qualities can be observed easily, so I am not going to explain them in detail. More importantly, I would like to analyse how special ENFJs are towards the people they love.

ENFJs have a tendency to have hypergamy in their romantic relationships. Their attitude towards a person is usually decided at first sight.

When facing the person they like, this type usually has a crazy crush towards that person just like idolisation. Everything is attractive to them about their crushes. Would not withstand anyone speaking a single point badly for them. Only have their crushes in their eyes.

A point to note is that the first reaction of this kind of person when meeting their real love would be feeling diffident. Due to hypergamy and almost blindly crushing on someone, it is easy for them to worry about 'is it that he doesn't like me?'

As you all know, Donghae somehow just speaks without a filter. During the period Hyukjae refused to commercialise any ships, for the question 'who is the person getting along the least with Eunhyuk', he gave a famous quote 'I wish to be the answer to all his questions.'

From his avoiding eyesight and slightly guilty expression with his head lowered, I think he really suspected that Eunhyuk was not willing to ship with him was due to that Eunhyuk did not like him.

When ENFJs found someone they like, they would gradually treat this person as the centre of the world. Obsessed but also insecure.

In the eyes of ENFJs, even if the world becomes black and white, the people they love are still coloured.

For the people they love, they always encourage and appreciate them unconditionally. If you compare how Donghae treats Hyukjae versus other members, you would find out that he almost never speaks anything bad about Hyukjae. Even for variety show puns, he also cannot speak of anything bad about Hyukjae. It is because, under his special filter, the person he loves is always immaculate.

(except individualistic)

In public situations, the only weakness he spoke of Hyukjae seriously would be 'individualistic', yet interestingly, no one would speak of this friend as selfish.

So I tend to think what Donghae minds is the individualism of Hyukjae himself. When ENFJs love a person, they would give the person everything unconditionally. Compared with what ENFJs give to their partner, if their partner does something a bit egocentric, ENFJs would treat this as not prioritising themselves enough.

As aforementioned, ENFJs are typically generous and likeable. When others don't treat them well enough, they would also comfort themselves 'never mind. They also have their own thoughts.'

(Photo 1)

However, for someone they love, ENFJs would put themselves and their partners together, treating them as a single entity. At this stage, if their partner in any circumstances just thinks of themselves, they cannot tolerate such thoughts.

(Photo 2)

When ENFJs are with someone they love, they always speak of 'we'. He would put the person he loves into every of his plan and arrangement. Everything is only meaningful when 'we' are doing it together.

How they are being nostalgic, would usually be the kind naturally linking incidents and people together, just like it is a 'we' when mentioning Hawaii. If there is a part of their memories that is special, everything about it would carry a special meaning for them.

(Photo 3)

Although the story of Donghae telling Hyukjae all his secrets with Hyukjae being apathetic was told many times, the main characters of the story are always only these two. The problem is that Donghae would tell everyone his story passionately, but he would only be angry when Hyukjae was not giving him responses.

How ENFJs centre with 'devotion', meaning that they would treat everyone sincerely, but such sincerity would not ask for returns in equal value. For them, respecting and tolerating the privacy and freedom of others is also a type of devotion.

However, if talking about someone that ENFJs love, they would be required to give back the same level of sincerity. They would be required to devote everything they have, in order for ENFJs to ensure that their partner also cares as much about themselves.

(Photo 4)

Before in Weibo, I talked about how Donghae can be someone that is very controlling if he doesn't date properly. It is also the most problematic part of ENFJ. They would instil their own thoughts into others, having a strong desire to control the thoughts of others. From serious values to trivial daily life habits, would also use his own ways to control others.

However, in this type, the controlling behaviour can also be subdivided. Some people would like to instil their own thoughts in everyone, including colleagues, and always make others feel suffocated. Donghae is definitely another scenario, only instilling in the people he is close enough with.

Members usually describe him as someone who would easily accept the opinions of others. He would follow the opinions of the majority and would sacrifice for the sake of team development. However, for Hyukjae, he would fearlessly express his own opinions.

The way how they get along right now is the fruit of the long-term adjustment between the two. Donghae definitely did not dare to raise his own opinions towards Hyukjae directly from the start. Hyukjae also would not be able to tolerate how controlling Donghae is for him. It needs a long time for mutual understanding and adjustments.

(Photo 5)

Donghae intentionally went inside to get a chair to sit next to Hyukjae.

Though Donghae always sticks to other people, the extent to which he sticks to others varies. Towards other members, it is more like he loves to hang around them habitually. He habitually needs someone to be with him. However, for Hyukjae, it is more of a spiritual reliance.

(Photo 6)

When meeting something that he is not good at or cannot be completed well, Donghae would naturally find Hyukjae for help. Hence, Hyukjae becomes the spokesperson of Donghae.

Calling Hyukjae at any time to find him, finding Hyukjae even though just handling trivial incidents, these obviously childish and unreasonable requests are just ways for him to justify his importance.

Even ENFJs are passionate and generous in normal social situations, they lack the sense of security in romance. They have very rich emotions, to the extent for anyone not as emotional as themselves, would think they don't love ENFJs enough.

The way how they show their affection is that even if it is something very trivial, they want to create opportunities to be with someone they love. Even others think ENFJs are brave and free, but for someone they love, it is even harder to confess than going to his home 10 times without any reason to have a chance encounter.

(Photo 7)

That's why Donghae would go shopping at Hyukjae's home to take clothes, would get into his home without prior notice, and would create trouble for Hyukjae.

All these unreasonable acts are just ways for him to express his affection and how he misses him. Even though ENFJs don't have any difficulties socialising in most situations, can get people liked so easily. However, it is hard to find real love for someone like this. When real love appears, it would make them forget all their social skills, back to using sincerity and warmth to get close to someone he loves.

All in all, friendships are usually natural and poised, while romantic relationships are usually very meticulous. After so many tests and justifications, all are just worried that the other does not like them.

(Photo 8)

After all the analysis, it is obvious that Eunhae's personalities are so different from each other. One of them is warming, giving his all at once, the other is rational, giving more and more of himself gradually.

Although these differences would require them to have a lot of adjustments for each other, the way they can complement each other is even more precious.

Also, personality is just a part of the innate factors in a relationship. More importantly, maintaining a relationship would also need the effort of the two people. One can understand the rationality and meticulousness of the other, one can tolerate the idealism and emotions of the other. It is because they understand each other enough, so they know those 'unreasonable acts' and 'not suiting your taste' are also ways to express their affection.

If saying love of Hyukjae is a rationalist giving all his impulsiveness and romance to Donghae, the love of Donghae would be an idealist giving all his vulnerability, sensitiveness and seamy side to Hyukjae.

'Just be yourself. I would love you as long as it is you.'

Point to note: as an MBTI enthusiast who understands MBTI to a level that understands cognitive functions very well, I actually discussed with some of my friends for an accurate typing and all we agree he should be ENFP instead of ENFJ. That's why some of the traits above sound pretty ENFP also. If you happen to understand more about MBTI and all those cognitive functions, you can message me to discuss a bit, though I may not always check my messages.

Thank you for waiting for me for so long for another update. I was really busy with school works over the term time and can only update a bit during term breaks. Wish this can help!

And please support super junior's comeback on 15/12! Celebrate! Let's do our best to support them!!

#donghae #eunhae #eunhyuk #kpop #kpop ships #super junior #super junior d&e #super junior donghae #super junior eunhyuk #super junior eunhae

[communistkenobi]

“ I believe it’s possible to just think of fanfiction as a fun little hobby people do in their spare time and not stake your entire identity on it” hey hey could you elaborate on this? i’m not criticising you, i just— i just feel like i sort of have made it my entire identity at this point i don’t really know what to do about it. at the same time i love fic i think about it a lot but when is it too much? you know? ppl in the notes weigh in if you can? this worries me but i can’t talk abt in irl-

I mean any hobby that consumes your entire life is usually bad. Like there needs to be a balance of interests and activities that you engage in you know. I’m assuming you’re probably young, and like being a teenager/young adult means dealing with an unstable sense of self, so I think it’s easier to intensely latch onto things and make them focal points of your identity. Some of that will fall away with time as you grow older. The intent behind that comment I made was that like, if you see someone criticising something you like doing and immediately take that as a personal attack on your identity, it probably means you need to take a step back and realise that you are a lot more than your hobbies, that criticism of something you like is separate from your moral worth as a person, and that forming your identity around a specific hobby means you will not be able to meaningfully tell the difference between someone just being a jackass and someone offering legitimate criticism.

And also like, we all just went through (and are still going through) a global pandemic and a series of quarantines, where it’s difficult to socialise and be around other people and do things other than be on your phone fourteen hours a day. So like I understand why those intense, unbalanced fixations on things like online fandom and fanfiction can arise because for a while there was like nothing else to do lol. and I’m speaking as someone who has engaged with fandom fairly regularly for 10 years at this point, it’s become so integrated with other social media platforms that “being online” now means being in close proximity to fandom spaces a lot of the time (whether you want to be or not), so it’s further difficult to separate that out from just like being social with other people on the internet.

Anyway lmao idk if any of that is helpful. I don’t really have concrete advice aside from like, it’s unhealthy for fandom to be the main thing in your life and I think you will be a happier person if you consume art outside of fandom spaces or engage in other activities. You’re not a bad person for having that imbalance in your life, but there are also a lot of good reasons why that imbalance is a problem and it’s reasonable for other people to want to avoid places where a lot of people are that intensely fixated on one thing you know.

#asks #also nobody be mean to this person please. thank u

[desertslegacy]

Coffee: Even more popular (to the mice) than the champagne is the coffee. It comes in all types - from light, medium, to dark, french-pressed or drip, espresso or latte - but you’re pretty sure the staff is drinking more of it than you are. Rodents love caffeine… who would have thought

The waiter-mouse carrying the champagne had given them a judgemental look up and down, before swiftly turning on their heel to another part of the room. Rude. That interaction was swiftly forgotten when, for better or worse, they got their hands on a sickly sweet concoction that would now have to be pried from their unconscious body.

Caffeine and sugar had set their nerves alight, body unused to either in such high doses. They made a note to sip in the future, as downing the drink had consequences. Pleasant consequences, they had not yet decided, but the intensity of feeling was intoxicating.

Peaceful observation was once again prohibited, the ever present weight of watching eyes (the hypocrisy, honestly) grew suffocating as they pushed themself forward with a huff under their breath. At least the buzz under their skin made keeping themself busy far more appealing.

"Professor?" They knew this face, and that certainly made socialising easier. The remnants of the coffee made small splashes against the walls of the cup from their steps, a quick glance at the liquid had a curiosity form in their mind. And a reminder to acquire more of this as soon as possible.

"The mice seem keen on this drink." A smile curled on their lips, amused and a tad hyper, "Have you been able to try it yet? Or a variation of it, they did seem to have a lot of blends."

Arval shifted their grip on their precious liquid, holding out a now free hand with Earth's mark stark against pallid skin. Earth should be ever so proud of them, making conversation and initiating handshakes. Or grant them more coffee, that would be equally appreciated.

If nothing else, the ball was a nice opportunity to get to know some of her students - the gamelike nature allowed some of the more shy students to approach with impunity to gather their necessary buds as they may. And although she misliked the forced nature of it all, she did appreciate that they were fed exceptionally well.

"Hello Arval," she said, her eyes creasing into a smile. It was clear the little one had been making their way around the floor in the last hours of the night, and she was amused to see that they had gotten their hands on something largely unfamiliar to these folks of Fodlan.

In Arcadia, coffee was not necessarily a commodity, and people of all ages drank it. She favored a bitter brew, herself, dark and hot before the morning light had touched the first sands.

"It is the first time I've seen mice drinking it," she admitted with a gentle laugh, "but I'm familiar with it, or a variation of it from my home. Take care that you don't drink too much - the headache will come to bite you."

Gently, she takes their hands in hers to form a protective barrier around the cup - her fire brand warm against their shifting earth brand, the flowers at their collars blooming with her smile. "And keep both hands steady. You won't want to be spilling everywhere," she added with a pointed look to the delicate path of dark droplets they had left in their wake.

#in character #toaball2023 #interaction: centrifugalcycle #earth flower 4

[the-gift-of-submission]

Inside a Submissives Soul -

Dear Diary -

This weekend was about abit of quiet quality time together, we stayed local at our spot by the canal, the weather wasn't great but it didn't matter. There isn't a day when we see eachother where we're not intimate with one another, we are naturally close and the physical interaction always occurs in some way, shape or form and it always blows me away. I have never felt such spark with someone. I have never had such a deep burning within me for someone.

We spend the first day of the weekend in the city having a wander, cups of coffee, tea and some cakes. Using the public services is much easier than going in the van. We explore quirky, weird and wonderful shops that are dotted around, we don't do the usual trekking into all the well known branded stores, we don't need to. In one of the buildings within the city, one of my favourites, its a circular building with three levels inside, the underground floor which is empty at the moment, the ground floor with the shops all around the outside, some smaller stalls on the inside with an open style cafe. The upper floor is a balcony all the way around with the stores laid out in the same format as the ones on the ground floor. I really love this building, it's vibe, it's difference.

We sit having a cuppa and a chat, he looks at me and tells me to turn my head to the right. I look to the right, almost over my shoulder and there is a girl, young, pretty with her boyfriend wearing the smallest dress, I mean small-short-tight-tiny. She doesn't need to bend over, you can already see her little peach cheeks slightly. She looked great and clearly very brave, confident even. I wish I had that confidence. You can see others almost tutting or laughing at her, like it's inappropriate and you know, maybe it was but who cares?! Embrace your body, I always say they can look but they can't touch, if you've got it flaunt it - within reason of course. In my head I'm applauding her. You go girl!

We have abit more of a wander before we leave, as we do, we head down the stairs and without warning, half way down, he pushes me against the wall and kisses me deeply. I respond to his touch, his lips, I can't help but smile behind them. Some people are coming up the stairs and I'm pretty sure someone mutters, 'that's disgusting', whether or not it was aimed towards us or they were having general conversation and it happened to be a coincidence, who knows?! Made me smile anyhow. We continue exploring, we headed into the market place, shops everywhere, he bought a dragon fruit, I hadn't tried one before so he opened it up and gave me a piece whilst he munched away, it's white filling with black speckles everywhere, I tried it, reminded me of melon, didn't really taste of anything but the refreshing water like juice was pleasant. I'll eat that again for sure.

We headed back to my home town, on arriving before getting back to the van we bumped into a friend of mine. She knew abit about what was happening in my personal life and was being polite to him. She insisted on going for a drink with her, I didn't really feel up to it but nevertheless we went. She had clearly had one too many already, asking questions, not really paying attention to our responses, sometimes coming across alittle rude in how forward she was being. I felt alittle embarrassed but I know she is alone in the world and her daughter is her only other contact to socialise with. On heading to leave, she had been emotional about losing her husband a couple of years ago to cancer, which I remember, it must have been so awful, it must be so awful, especially now when she is struggling with her health. She then went on to say six pounds was expensive for sausage and chips for dinner, he then insisted he go get her some and take her home, she agreed. She was too'ing and fro'ing with wanting to leave and wanting to stay, she was complaining about the short walk back to the van and then the short journey in the van. Everything is walking distance in our town, she was drunk and all over the place. Getting her back to hers, I'm the carpark, we got her out and gave her her dinner, she then decided she was going to the pub again. We left her to it, long short of it all.

We settled in the van back by the canal for the evening. He was low, he is struggling mentally and emotionally. I feel completely helpless for him, I'm so worried about him. He gets out a couple of things from his sage, the first is a heart keyring, flat and thin. A decent size to have 'don't stand too close' 1987 engraved, given to him by his first girlfriend, the quote being the name of his song from a band he was apart of. Very sweet, very special. The next item was a silver human figure pendant hanging by their foot from a silver chain with wire wrapped around them to represent bondage and shibari. Another sentimental place, a meaning of many things. He asks me to have it, I immediately refuse but he insists. I can't accept it, it's not right, purely because it belongs to him, it is his gift, a beautiful one, an immensely special one. He is insistent to the point he is emotional with it. I say to him I will wear it tonight for him but he must keep it in the safe for the both of us once I take it off. It is weighted but it is lovely, I can see and feel the uniquely special sentiment of it. So very meaningful. I am honoured.

With everything going on, it is difficult at the best of times to look forward at the positives, we have so much to be grateful of and be excited about. Surely we can get through this. We are physically intimate during the evenings and in the mornings, we haven't been flexing the D/S side to things much but it is very much there and I often keep slipping into Catharsis. I seem to have so much bottled up. He thinks it's him, whch makes me mad because I say it's not but I feel like he wants me to say something he isn't hearing, sometimes I wonder if he wants me to end things for whatever reason. I just don't know what to say to him or do for him. I just want him in any capacity. The rest doesn't matter because everything about him matters. There are things that aren't within my gift to him he says which I am aware of as well, some things are apart of my gift to him that I am also unaware of. I don't get to choose parts of things on on emotional impacted level. Doesn't mean I don't care or feel responsible in some way.

We manage to get some rest, I am feeling very broken, my chest is heavy, we spend the day resting, I can't bring myself to do much, I am low and I know he is too. He initiates play and for the first time in possibly a couple of weeks, maybe longer, I reach subspace, I find bliss, only it doesn't last long. He brings me out of it and I snap, really snap, Catharsis hits me like a brick wall, I feel almost hysterical. I can't control myself, I tell him I need help, I ask him to spank me. He rolls me onto my front and spanks me, he spanks me hard. Spanked to the point of bruising, which I am later served a reminder of why it is there, what it means and how I carry it. I cry, I am unable to take much, I resist and he holds me down and continues. Eventually my body relaxes, I am able to take what he gives me, it is helping, I am sobbing but I need this, I really do. I know he doesn't like doing this and soon stops before bringing me in close to hold me tight and comfort me. We cuddle for some time. Heading back to our realities is on the horizon again.

It is a strange thing, needing a form of pain to release inner stresses, turmoil and despair but it really does help me, I know that may sound bizarre but it's not. I often get this deep internal ache, it is a painful ache, an ache of anger, of hurt, of sadness and everything else that brings darkness. So this for me is something that brings me back into focus after letting me unwind, to breakdown and to rise back up all in one moment. It frees me. He frees me. This for me is a form of escape, a form of freedom.

[galbraithmckinley]

3 Impressive Reasons Why Dance Classes Perth Is Being Sought

Everybody likes to dance which is an undeniable fact that very few try to hide. Even though they may be having the proverbial two left feet, a dance wish is a kind of thing for many. People will find many such moments, where they wish to show their skills in dancing and a few would score well such show of dance skills while some is going to be instructed to simply wish to see others take every one of the attention. Dancing has always been an easy way of entertainment. Name an occasion with an inclusion of dance will be the way to be an entertaining moment with this. Such is the demand sometimes that even dance troupes are earned especially from professional groups. Especially in Australia, where partying in a serious common thing and tourism is for the upscale market, dance has been an important kind of life in the social living. It is imperative therefore that dance classes Perth are getting to be a flavour among the citizens of Australian counties along with those tourists who arrive externally for any vacation. Finger may be put on 3 breathtaking reasons for the dance classes Perth to roll on and let people enjoy the rhythm of moving the body and tapping feet. Necessary in gatherings - Since, dance forms in Australian society is a very necessary thing people find it compelling enough, to achieve the understanding of some steps. From preventing find out here now from being embarrassed and creating an effect among friends, especially the ladies, people would likely want to go out in style with moves that talk about ballroom dancing Perth. It is therefore necessary that they learn some form of dance, mostly commonly such types, they will are comfy with. Many a time, giving a great turn to the partner impresses the onlookers so helping produce a a sense bonding. Those who dance well may as well do great socialisers. When in Perth, if you have presence of facilities of dancing, then it's a fantastic reason that particular should learn a form of dance through the dance classes Perth. Good teachers, adept in various forms are found inside the country due to frequent competitions and programs which might be being hosted due to the tourism functions. Such people are been trained in types of dancing which can be used in a variety of places as well as their versatility makes it easier to the interested individuals to find a fantastic teacher to understand from. In Perth, individuals have been venturing out for studying under dance classes Perth, as a result of extremely important believe that there exists a large selection of dance forms available to be learnt from the trained teachers. Salsa classes Perth, zumba classes Perth and lots of other kinds of dancing are possibly provided in numerous centres. These are stylish, exotic and flamboyant forms of dancing, which have helped individuals to create an impact of theirs on others, in fact it is therefore clear that people have been trying to find out various dance forms inside the dance classes found in Perth. Be it for impressing people or for dancing for self satisfaction, largest of which popularity of dancing, the existence of classes for different kinds of dancing classes is quite much clear.

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[urlkssknt]

last piece (1)

pairing - nanami kento x fem!gojou!reader x fushiguro toji

genre - parent!au, slice of life!au, 4.5k

a/n - ahhhhh my first ever series fic!!! i’d really appreciate any feedback given! megumi, yuuji, and sukuna are all children in this

warnings - mentions of food, toji is a shit person (pls dont hate me), mentions of cheating

now playing - goodnight n go, ariana grande

After enduring a rough day of your boss piling all his work onto you, you basked in the soft touch of the small hand of your little toddler, as you both walked down the hallway to get to your apartment. It was the first day of full-time school, meaning you got more day-light hours to spend by yourself at a desk in an uncomfortable chair. Earlier when you had dropped your son off for school you couldn’t help but tear up at the sight of him turning into his classroom, out of your view. Your little boy was growing up so quickly, it felt like it was just yesterday when the dark eyed boy crawled all over the floor and drooled over your favourite shirts. Megumi forbids himself from talking with you as a form of punishment, opting to give you the silent treatment. His lips were pursed into a big pout from the moment you had picked him up. In the corner of your eye, you noticed the door of the apartment across the hall from you was propped open by two large boxes stacked atop each other. There were other boxes laying around, some big and some small. Gently, Megumi tugged on your hand to gain your attention before pointing towards the door.

"See, a person," there was a slight anxious edge to the young boy's tone. Megumi couldn't socialise well with new people, something you hope would dissipate as he got older. You knew the effects of children appearing as 'anti-social,' and it didn't help that the mothers of the school Megumi attends were already whispering to each other about your previous failed marriage. It was only the first day and your marital status already defined you. You prayed that it wouldn’t negatively affect how the other kids would treat Megumi, from your experience, parent’s are quick to dictate your life. The younger you are, the easier it is.

Silently, Megumi hoped that the new neighbour wasn't loud, the young boy hated loud noises, it caused him to feel uneasy. Unfortunately, his wishes were cut short when two heads of strawberry pink hair came running from behind, one giggling his head off whilst the other had a scowl on his face. They both looked exactly like each other, you assumed they were twins. Following behind them was a grown man, looking disheveled from carrying the heavy weight of the cardboard box between his arms.

"You two!" The man spoke in an assertive tone from the other end of the hallway, stilling for a moment to catch his breath, moving was much more difficult than he thought. One of the two boys halted in his tracks, "no running!"

Both you and Megumi caught the attention of the identical twins and the unknown man. You felt brazen for taking a quick look at the blond man, who looked effortlessly handsome despite being dressed in a plain t-shirt and a pair of athletic joggers. A pink blush began to dust along your cheeks as the stranger's chocolate eyes made contact with yours, catching your ogling azure eyes. The crystal blue colour of them caught the stranger off guard, it made him feel as if he was looking at a certain annoying man-child he knew. The stoic man offered you a small tight-lipped smile after he set the box in his hands on the floor.

"Nanami Kento," he wiped his palm against his joggers before holding it in front of you, "I just moved in." The palm of his hand was warm to the touch, the physical contact only deepening the colour of your cheeks.

You quickly replied with your name, intentionally leaving out your surname, before squeezing the small hand you held, the toddler had shuffled to hide behind your legs at the sound of rushed frantic footsteps, "baby, introduce yourself."

Megumi was relentless in speaking, eyes automatically trained to stay on the floor as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. His grip on your hand increased as an uneasy feeling pressed against his small chest, the same emotion that the little boy experienced in the morning and had no idea on how to describe it.

"Sorry, 'gumi is a little shy," you offered Kento a sympathetic smile as you ran a hand over Megumi’s hair, the comforting action bringing the toddler a sense of ease. The blond man noticed the look of worry flashing on your face before giving him a smile. "We live across the hall."

Just before Nanami was going to comment, one of his own kids being just as reserved, he felt a harsh push against his legs, surprisingly almost making him topple over. Peering down, the tall man found that it was his most energetic son, Yuuji. Nanami quickly scooped the little boy into his arms before doing the same to the other boy, who stayed quiet the whole time. The sound of the previous melodic giggles returned. "These are my two boys."

"Hello, my name is Yuuji! I'm nearly five!" The smiley boy held up a hand with all his fingers extended, feeling proud that he was able to speak with confidence.

"I'm Sukuna." Despite the small voice, you couldn’t help but gush over the deep dimples near the boy’s eyes, you just wanted to poke the skin.

"You two are so cute!" you cooed at the twins, Yuuji giggled as you tickled his cheek gently, "you're both as old as 'gumi." Megumi peered past his hiding spot behind your legs at the mention of his name.

Yuuji clapped his hands at the thought of having a friend that lived so close! His enthusiasm made Megumi feel a little more comfortable, the grip on your hand loosening. Even at school, there was no one as welcoming as the smiling pink haired boy, Megumi had never witnessed another person be excited to hear his name apart from you and his uncle.

Keys in hand, you turned to open the door of your apartment. As you both entered your home, Megumi turned around to give the new neighbours a small wave, still feeling very shy, before running off to his room. You let out a small laugh at your son's antics, watching his small figure disappear around the door.

"If you boys ever want to play, just knock on the door!" You gave a final smile to the pair of boys who’s eyes widened in excitement at the thought of playing with someone that wasn’t their dad. Shifting your gaze to the brooding blond, taking a moment to savour his attractiveness once more, you felt jealous of the woman who was able to wake up to those high cheekbones. "or if you need anything."

The next time you saw your new neighbours was when you were standing in front of Megumi's school. The two of you had arrived a little early, the door of his classroom wasn’t open yet to allow the students to filter in. Megumi was about to complain, it was too early, the uniform felt horrible and itchy against his skin, however his whines were halted when he heard the sound of his name being yelled, immediately catching his attention.

A familiar pink-haired boy came running over with a bright smile plastered against his face, his backpack being far too large for a primary school student and for a toddler, the dimples by his eyes deepening. “Hi!” Yuuji couldn’t keep himself still when his eyes noticed you and Megumi, he ignored his father’s words of ‘staying close’ and holding his hand.

Truthfully, you couldn’t identify a difference between the twins yet, they both looked like carbon copies of each other, if they were your children you definitely would get their names wrong constantly.

Nanami let’s out a sigh of relief as Yuuji returns to his view again, the man swore to himself that his youngest son by three seconds would be the death of him. His eyes naturally fall onto your figure, there was a genuine smile on your face as his son began talking about what he ate for breakfast, running your ear off on how Kento nearly burnt the toast.

“Good morning,” Nanami says as he approaches you with Sakuna following behind. You turn to look at him, the same smile still on your lips, never faltering once as if it were permanently glued to your face, Nanami wondered if your cheeks were aching from the stretch.

Before you could even return his greeting, the door of the classroom opened. The moment you dreaded most, having your precious Megumi leave for the majority of the day. However, you had an obligation to pay the rent and feed your child so you told yourself to suck it up. You crouch down to the floor, sharp eyes giving your son a once-over to make sure his uniform was in top shape, "Have a good day, 'gumi!" The dark haired boy walked into his class only after kissing your cheek softly and waving you goodbye.

"If it's okay with you," Nanami spoke with such a soothing tone, it captivated your whole attention, you wondered if his twins enjoyed being read bedtime stories. If he uploaded podcasts, you would definitely be a fan. "I'd like to exchange numbers," the tall man turned to face you with his phone in hand and caught you off guard. Any sane woman would feel privileged to have a handsome man offer his number, you would have blushed if it wasn’t for the blond man quickly adding that it was for emergencies. Internally, you began to scowl at yourself for thinking that your new neighbour had other intentions, you weren’t even sure if he was in a committed relationship!

In the process of handing Nanami your number, your eyes dropped from his face to his hands for a couple of seconds, just out of curiosity, you repeat to yourself, definitely not because of a small crush developing on the blond haired man. The ring finger was left bare of any jewellery to indicate his marital status. Guilt coarsed through you as another smile, smaller than your previous ones, spread across your face. This poor man just wanted to be a nice neighbour and here you were acting like a schoolgirl, over analyzing every look he gave you with his deep chocolate eyes.

Nanami bid you a farewell, heading off in the opposite direction to fetch his car so he could drive to work, the only con of his new home was how far it was from the office he worked in. Part of him felt proud for attaining your number, he was afraid you’d reject his suggestion, either misunderstanding his simple actions or being disinterested from Nanami’s stiff nature. Constantly, the twins would tell him to ‘lighten up,’ but it was hard to keep positive when your boss acts more like a child than an adult. Never admitting it, the man had noticed your beauty from the second his dark eyes landed on you, as cheesy as it was, you held a certain elegance and the shade of your eyes dazzled at him as if it were a precious diamond shining its reflection. There’s no harm in finding a neighbour attractive, is there?

nanami kento: Hello this is Nanami, I’m so sorry but i have to travel out of town for a business meeting, my boss just sprung it on me. Would it be okay if you picked the boys up from school and took them home?

you: no problem :)

you: hope your meeting goes well!

The two pink haired twins ended up walking home with you and Megumi. They were both slightly disappointed with their dad not coming to pick them up, a deep pout began to form on Yuuji’s lip as his bottom lip jutted out. You were more than familiar with that face, it was the same cute look Megumi gives you when you say ‘no’ to buying more soft plushies. If he brought out the puppy eyes, you would have surrendered and raised a white flag. Small children are your weakness, especially ones so cute and adorable, you cave into their desires almost instantly. Thankfully, becoming a mother allowed you to toughen your walls and set boundaries for yourself, no child has been able to pass them with a simple pout.

“How about we make cupcakes at my house?” You proposed, hoping it would entice the twins to not only brighten their mood but create a more comfortable environment for them. All three boys beamed up at you with big teeth-y grins and glittering eyes, each of them wanting some form of sugar, as expected from you.

The walk home was more entertaining than you would’ve thought. Megumi and Yuuji held hands, whilst Megumi’s other free hand was laced with your own. Sukuna held your hand quietly, not peeping a word and only answering your question about his day with a short nod. Yuuji, on the other hand, was more than willing to explain every little detail about his day, from when he sat next to Megumi on the carpet during the register to being awarded a gold star for tidying up. Luckily, the street wasn’t busy as you walked with the boys whilst sporting three backpacks along with your own bag on your back. It was definitely a show stopping look, which earned lingering gazes from random people.

Having the twins over was a lot better than expected. The worry you felt over Sukuna not conversing with you was all futile. As soon as the small group of boys had their shoes off, they zoomed after Megumi, heading to his bedroom to play with the toys he was talking to them about. For the first time, Megumi finally had other people to play with that weren’t yourself or his extravagant uncle, as much as he loved you both, you and Satoru were rubbish superheroes and even worse at ludo, which ended up with the two of you bickering like you were the kids in the child’s room.

Laughter carried into the kitchen as you began to start preparing dinner, slightly worried about not having enough, usually you would be cooking for two people, whilst taking into consideration Megumi’s sudden pickiness over certain food. You settled on cooked salmon and roasted potatoes, sending a silent prayer hoping the group of boys would make your life easier and eat what you put on their plate. Once the preparations for dinner had been made, setting the fish to marinate off to the side, cutting the potatoes into appropriate sizes for four year old children so they can eat with ease, you called for the three toddlers to come into the kitchen and begin to make the cupcakes you promised. Small kids tend to have sticky fingers, something that grossed you out completely, you made sure they all washed their hands in the kitchen sink with soap, each boy taking turns to clean himself whilst using the stool to reach the high counter. After a million questions about what you were doing and why you were doing it, the batter in the bowl finally finished, filling every patterned paper case in the tray, even though most of the cake mixture actually ended up on the black metal try from Megumi not moving the filled spoon quick enough, he was very confident in his scooping-the-batter skills. You partly blamed yourself for entrusting such a messy job to a four year old who could barely colour in the lines. Surprisingly, none of the boys ended up with a spec of mess on them, just you, a smear of flour across your flour, the image made Sukuna giggle lightly as he pointed to the white powder.

When the orange and pink hues of the sun darkened to a deep blue enveloping the sky, allowing the stars of the night a chance to shine and twinkle like diamonds. The cheerful laughter died out long ago, three sleepy boys sat along the couch, Megumi resting his head in your lap as an animated movie played on the tv screen. A knock sounding against your door instantly woke you from your hazy trance.

Sukuna followed your footsteps, lazily trailing behind you. You identified the small boy from the length of his which was shorter than Yuuji’s, his pink strands didn’t stand up in the same manner as his younger brother. The boy had a hunch that the person behind the door would be his father. Unlike Yuuji, Sukuna only had one dimple resting near his eye on the left side of his small face and not both. “Daddy!” The little boy was picked up by his father so easily as if he didn’t weigh a thing once the door was opened to reveal the blond man standing on the other side. A giggle left his mouth as Nanami couldn’t help but kiss the soft skin of his cheek, causing you to melt at the sight. Men giving their children affection was such a sweet sight, you wished your ex-husband would embrace his own son in such a loving manner, you were lucky if he gave Megumi an ounce of attention.

“Bye bye,” your hand is brought to your chest as you were startled at Yuuji’s sudden presence next to you, shocking all your senses for a few seconds even though he spoke softly, he must have followed his brother from the sofa at the sound of the door opening. Yuuji’s mouth extends to let out a long yawn, anyone could tell he was exhausted from the droopiness in his warm eyes.

Nanami gives you a tight lipped smile as he offers you a thanks in a low voice, he sounded tired. Working past office hours was always a pain for the man, especially now with his children. Sometimes Kento had the strongest urges to just punch his boss. Before he could leave and put his two sleepy boys to bed, you stop him urgently, the sleep in your body evaporates as you quickly run to the kitchen and pick up the two containers you had left on the counter. One plastic box contained the decorated cupcakes that the twins had made earlier, saving a few for their dad too, whilst you packed the other with the leftovers of the dinner you served. You figured that the businessman probably hadn’t eaten yet because of the meeting so you took the liberty of providing him some food. Along with the filled containers, you handed over the twin’s school bags and Sukuna’s shoes, before Nanami knew it his hands were completely filled so he was left balancing most things in one arm as his other was wrapped securely around Sukuna.

“Goodnight boys,” you gave the soft tuffs of Yuuji’s messy hair a quick kiss before watching them turn to enter their home and turn in for the night. Deciding it was also time for bed, you gently lifted Megumi up from his sleeping position on the sofa, being extremely careful to not wake the four year old up. Nothing is worse than a fussy Megumi and he was definitely more than fussy whenever you woke him from his slumber. Light snores escape his mouth making you giggle and pull him closer into your embrace as if it were possible. Tonight, you’d allow him to sleep in your bed and cuddle all night long.

The next morning, as you were leaving your apartment, at a later time than the previous morning so you didn’t arrive at school so early, Nanami was ushering his twins out the door with their matching backpacks slung on his arm like a purse. The sight almost forced a laugh out of you.

“Hi!” Megumi waves to his new friends before they start to walk off in the direction of the elevator, leaving you and the blond man to follow behind. Slightly, you were surprised at your son greeting the twins first, he always waited for the other party to acknowledge him first. You took this as a sign of a blossoming friendship which you hope would last for a long time.

Before Kento could say anything to you, feeling a little embarrassed of his unfortunate state, he was so tired from the night before the sound of his blaming alarm nearly didn’t wake him up, Yuuji beat him to it. The adorable boy called for you from the end of the hallway, telling the two of you ‘slow pokes,’ to hurry it up. Loud clacks of your heels sounded as you traveled to the waiting group of boys, Nanami was left with the bags to stare at your fleeting figure. The apples of his cheeks burn red at the realisation of the actions of his eyes trailing over the exposed skin of your legs before stopping on the meat of your thighs, it had only been a couple days since he first met you but each time his gaze had the opportunity to fall upon you, Kento found a new feature to appreciate. God, did he think about running his thick fingers over the expanse of the plush skin and grip into it like he was kneading bread.

“Daddy hurry up!” Yuuji’s voice carried through to his ears, snapping the adult out of his trance. Nanami began to make his way into the elevator, muttering a small apology as he tried his hardest to not make eye contact with your azure eyes, otherwise the blond would go into a cardiac arrest.

The whole walk to the school, Nanami stayed silent, too ashamed of the thoughts that consumed his mind in, what he’d call, a moment of weakness. Nanami wouldn’t class himself as a gentleman but he behaved a lot nicer and was more reserved compared to a certain white haired man he knew. Before Nanami knew it, the gates of the school came into view, he swore that he had only taken a few step from the apartment complex, was he out of his mind?

“I hope your husband didn’t mind the boys joining you for dinner yesterday,” Nanami was aware that you were also not married but he needed to hear it for himself, prove to himself that his small attraction to you was stupid, and to also confirm your relationship status.

A laugh escapes your lips, “I’m divorced.”

You turn your head to face Kento, offering the still man a reassuring smile in order to help him relax, you swear it works when you visibly see the tension in Nanami’s broad shoulders released. “And single, so it was genuinely no problem.”

Nanami went to work feeling more cheery than usual.

Naturally, it became routine for the five of you to walk to and from school together every morning and afternoon. Sometimes you couldn’t help the warmth rising to your cheeks with every flattering compliment you receive from Nanami, he either commented on how cohesive your outfit was for the day or told you that your makeup was pretty. Recently, you couldn’t help the excitement bubble in your tummy as the clock would close to the end of your working hours not only to finally see your precious ‘gumi or hear Yuuji’s giggles as he runs after Sukuna, but to witness Nanami after a hard day of work. The top button if his suit would be undone whilst his tie is forgotten and tucked away safely into his leather briefcase; not to mention the few strands of hair that fall across his forehead which your fingers itch to run through.

“Megs said we can come,” Yuuji whines with a pouty lip, jutting out his lips as far possible to amp the ‘cuteness level’ so you wouldn’t reject him, for an added effect the little boy went as far clinging onto your hand that he held.

Being a mother made you extremely soft and light-hearted, especially to children as cute as Yuuji, a small tiny part of you wished Megumi would whine and cling to you like a koala. You could never say no to such an adorable face, and Yuuji knew it. A smile began to creep along his lips when you exhale lightly, giving into his wishes of coming to your home to play.

The words stopped on your tongue, no longer passing through your throat as a large lump formed at the sight before you. A certain man with hair akin to the colour of raven feathers, all dressed up in a designer suit to show off his new profound wealth. The only thing missing to complete his sleazy look was a stupid cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth, almost identical to how he looked on the night you first met. Negative emotions coarsed through your body, everything was good until it wasn’t, and you could only blame your ex-husband for the anger rising in your body, almost clouding your judgement, thankfully it didn’t otherwise you would have ripped his head off in front of Megumi.

“Hey princess, what took you so long?” A sly smirk stays on his scarred lips as Toji pushes himself off the wall near your door. His eyes shifted from you to the two little identical boys who were holding your hand, the smirk slowly began to drop. Finally, Toji’s gaze became fixated on his son being held in the arms of another man. An awkward and unbearable silence enveloped the hallway. Toji only faltered for a moment, his signature cocky smirk quickly returning. In the pockets of his trousers, his hands balled into fists as an attempt to conceal his anger before he loses his cool. “Aren’t you going to introduce us?”

If you had the ability to kill a person, you’d murder your ex-husband a thousand times over. You harboured such a massive amount of hatred for him after the divorce; not only did he pursue a relationship with the women he cheated on you with but he barely saw Megumi. Toji was too busy with the company that you helped build, to even make plans to see his son. There was only one reason why you didn’t run away to some foreign country when you had the chance, you wanted your son to grow up with his father even though it wasn’t an ideal situation. Once upon a time, you dreamed of moments where Toji would be picking Megumi up from school and chasing after his short stubby legs. Toji was your everything, until your beautiful marriage was broken one day and you left with your newborn son, wailing in your arms as tears streamed down your face. But that was four years ago, an event that stays scarred on the surface of your heart, you assumed, to Toji it was just a blessing in disguise.

➳ next

#jujutsu kaisen #nanami kento x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #toji x reader #nanami x you #jjk nanami #nanami fluff #jjk x you #series: last piece

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Why Aleks Took Alina’s Letters To M*l

I’ve ben thinking alot about this recently, it was brought on by a couple of things the main one being I just read ‘The Tailor’ which is another short book that LB wrote similar to Demon in the Woods, this one is deleted scenes from shadow and bone told from Genya's point of view but it does give us more information on what went on with the letters Alina had written to M*l. So disclaimer obviously there are spoilers for the tailor so if you haven’t read that book and don’t want to be spoilt stop reading now. I also want to put a trigger warning in here as I do discuss the topic of grooming. 

I’ve talked a little before about why I think Aleks took the letters but as I’ve said I’ve just read the short story and its given me some more information on it. Before reading the short story I kept seeing various theories and interpretations on why Aleks might have stopped the letters, one of my own was that he was using them to gain information on Alina and because after her comments about not wanting to be grisha and whether anyone had ever escaped the LP he considered her a security risk and so was taking the letters to make sure she wasn’t planning a break out with M*l. But one theory that I’ve seen alot of antis using is that Aleks wanted to isolate Alina because he is a groomer and he was hoping that if he isolated her then he could become her new singular confidant and have an easier time manipulating her. Literally though the amount of times I’ve seen antis use Aleks taking Alina’s letters to M*l as ‘evidence’ that he was grooming Alina. But I’m here to blow some holes in this theory because he never actually isolates her and he never becomes her sole confidant. Again something I’ve spoken about before but Alina has friends at the LP (even more so in the show) she has genya, marie, nadia, in the show you can probably add fedyor to that list too and of course Aleks himself. It always kind of amuses me when I see the claims that Aleks isolated Alina because she actually had more friends and a more well developed social support system at the LP than she ever did at Keramzin or in the First Army with M*l. And while she does confide in Aleks alot he by no means becomes her sole confidant. She also confides in Genya, Marie, Nadia and even to some extent Baghra. Again this shows that she has that better support system because she does have many people she can go to for emotional support and advice whereas before arriving at the LP the only person who provided this role for her was M*l. If Aleks took the letters because he wanted to isolate Alina so that he would become the only support she could turn to then he wouldn’t have stopped there. He would have isolated her completely made her feel completely alone, he would have isolated her from the other grisha too. There are so many ways he could have done this, he could have told the other grisha and Alina that she was too far above their station for them to be allowed to socialise, he could have insisted that she eat her meals with him privately instead of in the hall with the other grisha, he could have trained her separately with private lessons only, he could have confined her to her rooms for her ‘safety’ and only let her leave for lessons and meals. This would have limited the amount of socialisation she’d have with others and ensure that she only relied on him and that she really did feel completely isolated from everyone else. But he doesn’t do that he leaves her be to form friends and socialise as she wishes. The only way in which he interferes in her social circle (other than taking the letters) is by sending Genya to her and asking her to spy for him. To be honest though I don’t necessarily think this was a manipulative or malicious move, Aleks was aware that Alina’s life had just been uprooted and that she was likely going to struggle to adjust not to mention Alina was a bit of a wild card, so asking Genya to keep an eye on Alina was probably a smart general like thing to do. 

Going back to ‘The Tailor’ in this short story we learn some interesting things but one thing we learn is Aleks’ actual motivation for taking the letters. The letters were given to the servants and then the servants gave them to Genya who was passing them on to Aleks. Genya is clearly feeling guilty and unsure about taking the letters and there is a really interesting scene where she is talking to Aleks about this and it is here that Aleks says this:  “Old bonds,” he says as he gives the horse a final pat and pushes off from the fence. “They can do nothing for Alina but tie her to a life long gone.” 

This is something that has been spoken about before in the fandom, Aleks stopped the letters because he knew that Alina would not be able to access her grisha power and flourish at the LP whilst she was still holding on to her old life and her bond with m*l. He’s realised something that I feel like m*l and Alina never really do, which is Alina will never again be that same girl that grew up at Keramzin. She can’t go back to that life and so the only way she can really reach her potential is by letting it go. Now here’s the thing, is it morally grey of Aleks to take the letters? Yes of course it is. Being separated from M*l causes Alina great pain and distress and thinking M*l has abandoned her really hurts her. But I also can’t say that Aleks was wrong. I mean it is canon that Alina didn’t harness her powers until she let go of M*l and embraced her identity as a grisha and as the sun summoner. So while yes it was very upsetting for Alina to think that M*l had abandoned her and this is where alot of Genya’s guilt comes from, I don’t know what other way there was to get Alina to move past that block and reach her powers. Her co-dependency on M*l was damaging to Alina so it’s difficult for me personally to see this as some villain move when in the end it ultimately benefitted Alina. 

Something else that I found really interesting in this short story is that when Genya expresses guilt for taking the letters and worries that Alina won’t ever forgive her, Aleks says he will give Genya the letters, he then says the above quote explaining his reasons for keeping the letters from Alina and then tells Genya that she can do whatever she likes with the letters. She can give them back to Alina, send them to m*l or destroy them, but it is left entirely up to Genya on what she wants to do and ultimately Genya decides to burn them. What’s interesting about this to me is even though Aleks clearly thinks stopping the letters is the best thing for Alina, if Genya feels like its going to destroy their friendship and isn’t ok with taking the letters then Aleks isn’t going to force her to. I mean he could’ve pulled rank and said you’re my soldier you’ll follow orders or he could have asked someone else to take the letters instead, but he instead leaves it up to Genya. 

Anyway that’s enough babbling for today. If you do get the chance and haven’t read it already I would recommend The Tailor its a very interesting read and gives alot of backstory on Genya and some insight into her relationship with Aleks.  

#darklina #the darkling #tw grooming #the tailor spoilers

[obaewankenope]

Do sharks have friends? Do they visit their family or have reunions? Or siblings? Do they really hate dolphins or is that a stereotype thing?

Okay, lots of questions here to answers! I'll do them one-by-one.

Do sharks have friends?

Okay, so, sharks don't socialise the way people do, or mammals, or well- any other creature since they're Their Own Thing. BUT, in a way, some shark species do have friends.

A recent study by the Florida International University has shown that Grey Reef Sharks can, and do, hang out with the same sharks in the same place for years. The study was conducted at the Palmyra Atoll in the Pacific Ocean which is, jsyk, kinda remote so a great spot for researching this sort of thing.

Sharks aren't "social" animals exactly but they do have social groups. This is why you can see large groups of the same species in a relatively small area co-habiting without, ya know, eating each other or fighting. It is also why different shark species, when pressed, can inhabit the same area for the sake of survival (see Red Tide and Florida Canals).

Anyway, the research on Grey Reef Sharks found that they purposely associate with the same sharks year-after-year which suggests they can recognise each other and Know Who Is Their Mate and Who Is An Imposter.

This just in, Grey Reef Sharks would probably be great at Among Us.

[image source: sharksandrays.com]

All this said, they don't have friends the way we do as a social species that depends on social bonds for developmental and evolutionary purposes. For sharks, the "friend" thing is more like us going "fellow associate" at the regular office meeting where we mingle with Those We Vaguely Know because being alone is just asking for management to send us for a Team Building Seminar that we Really Don't Wanna Attend.

As it is, Grey Reef Sharks tend to form groups normally so a social structure has to exist for them in order to do that in the first place. Now, the idea that they can also travel and meet up with "friends" is something else. I happen to find that more fascinating than anything else ngl.

#SquadGoals

Do sharks visit family/siblings/have reuinions?

Again, like the friends thing, sharks don't have social groups the way we do. But they do have migratory patterns, often have a species specific breeding ground and nursey for their offspring so, in a way, sharks kinda do visit family and have reunions. Mostly by habit and not out of any real Social Building Desire.

[image source: cnet]

Do sharks really hate dolphins or is that a stereotye thing?

Sharks don’t hate dolphins. They’re afraid of them. Wary. Which, considering the fact that dolphins always end up in pods of dozens which will definitely be enought to kill one lone shark, kinda reasonable thing to be afraid of. 

The thing is, there’s lots of reasons why sharks are at a disadvantage when faced with dolphins and only one of them is because dolphins swim around in gangs that just wanna fuck up a shark when it swims across their territory. 

Phyisological differences between sharks and dolphins are also a reason. 

Sharks have vertical tails that move from side-to-side which is good for quick swimming forward and maybe downward, but not exactly great for flexible movement and twisting. Dolphins have horizontal tails that move up--and-down which definitely gives them an edge on agility over sharks.

This means a shark can dart forward quickly and snap at a dolphin, but that dolphin can twist and use its tail to avoid the attack because of the way the spinal structure of sharks and dolphins differ. This is why, btw, when you swim like a mermaid underwater, you can twist much easier (our spines are literally perfect for that sort of thing with an up-down motion for swimming). 

On top of this +10 agility that dolphins have, they also have stubby snouts which are great for blunt-force attacks. Coupled with their speed and agility, a dolphin can do real damage to a shark - even a Great White - if it can hit areas where soft tissue damage can occur, internal bleeding, or even manage to damage the gills. 

A shark with damaged gills is a dead shark and that’s definitely something dolphins have figured out.

So whilst sharks don’t hate dolphins, if they had the ability to feel human emotions like “hate”, they would probably be absolutely fucking terrified of them more than anything else. 

Also, side note: Orcas, Killer Whales, are dolphins not actual whales. The biggest threat to Great White Sharks (besides us) is the Orca. They like to dig out the liver of a Great White because it’s rich in nutrients. If I were a Great White, I’d swim like fuck away from the black-and-white wolves of the ocean ngl.

[image source: illumina news]

#shark #sharks #shark facts #dolphins #sharks vs dolphins #kat talks #kat replies #kat answers #nonnie talk

[babanillustration]

Hello and congratulations! Word has reached me that you are soon to be the parent of a bouncing baby carapacian! I’m GM, Head Midwife in Can Town. This leaflet should give you some insight into the next 2 years of development that your baby will be going through, and what you should be preparing for.

The sizes and limbs referred to in these illustrations are for an average sized baby of average sized parents. Your baby is unique and will reflect the size and stature of their parents as they grow!

NEWBORN

Your newborn baby will be around the size of the hand of the average carapacian, this is the exception to their size being relative to the size of their parents.

Your baby will be grey at first, but you should expect their colouring and any patterning to start fading in over their first week. Such an exciting time waiting in anticipation to find out what colour and maybe even marbling your baby may have! A great time to hold a small party and begin your baby’s socialisation with close family and friends.

Soft carapace will have already formed on their head, they will also have a soft set of plates on their back and carapaced claws on their hands and feet. You should be extra careful when handling them during the first few days until they begin to grab onto clothing and shell as their clinging instincts start to appear. Over the first few weeks they will stay in a curled up position, but will begin to open up and move more in the following weeks as their eyes start to adjust.

Most babies will have four arms and two legs. This gives them extra gripping power and makes them able to defend themselves with their sharp claws! These claws should not be buffed down, they are essential for your baby’s safety. Should any non-Carapacians handle the baby, thick and preferably knitted clothing should be worn, both for their protection and for the baby to hold on to. A wearable knitted pouch is an invaluable tool for a soon-to-be parent.

The upper two arms should be permanent arms that will develop into full hands as they grow, and the lower set should be ‘baby arms’(that can be recognised by the seam around the elbow joint) that will be lost later on in their development. If you baby has more or less permanent arms or baby arms (or any other physical differences) don’t worry! If the hospital staff confirm that they are healthy then these differences should not affect their health!

Your baby’s arms and feet will look a little bit different to your own at this stage. Big toes should be turned out to the side, much like their thumbs, so that they can grab with them. This is perfectly normal and nothing to be worried about. They will develop into full feet in a similar way to their hands!

Babies may sleep on their fronts, this is normal since their largest plating is on their back and gives them the best defence, and allows them to cling on to you with their hands and feet if you are carrying or holding them. If they are sleeping elsewhere and are startled, they may roll over and raise their arms and legs to defend themselves, which is often accompanied by hissing if they are feeling threatened. Shooshing and soothing the baby should calm them down, they should be able to recognise your voice within the first month. Socialising your baby and letting them interact with many different people is essential at this stage and should decrease the potential of any reactions like this!

6 MONTHS

Over the past few months your baby will have gone through a growth spurt! They should now be able to walk, crawl, and climb unaided! This stage will be the biggest challenge for you as a parent.  An average baby will fit into two cupped hands, though if your baby is going to be larger or smaller you should be able to see a difference from this average size at this stage.

Now that they can move around on their own they will be very active, they will also be growing in their baby teeth!  Extensive baby-proofing should be done before this stage. Curtains and soft furnishings are particularly at risk for climbing, so swapping your current ones out for some made of smoother, more densely woven fabric will stop them from climbing anything that they shouldn’t (and hopefully stop them from having any more hospital visits than are necessary!).

Your baby’s teeth will be small and sharp since they will just be starting to grow through. While they would raise their arms and legs and hiss in the previous stage, they may start to bite as well if they cannot run away! Teething should also begin during this stage, so offering them either vegetable rinds or bones to chew on (while supervised!) to keep them from chewing anything that they shouldn’t will help, and also wean them on to more solid food in the process! Baby may refuse food at first, but will gravitate to the foods that they can digest. 

Constant supervision will be necessary in this stage, babies can move much faster than you’d think (especially if they’re small!) so baby reigns and wire domes over cribs, playpens, and anything you wouldn’t want chewed or torn are a necessity (unless you don’t mind your vegetable garden taking damage!)

You may notice that your baby’s arms and legs are getting stronger by now, and also that their permanent limbs are starting to grow extra fingers and toes! The baby arms that they have will also either drop off naturally as they grow larger, or will be dropped as a defence mechanism if they are startled. Don't be alarmed if they drop at any point, this will not hurt your baby at all, it’s just an indicator that they’re ready for the next milestone in their development! They will just be left with a small scar where the legs have detached. The clawed carapace will also fall from their permanent hands and feet as it grows out, giving them room for carapace to grow on their fully developed hands.

By now baby should be babbling, chittering, and hissing. Proper speech will not have developed yet, but they will be able to understand simple commands from you.

18 MONTHS

At this stage the size of your baby should be very apparent! An average baby should be able to be held up by two hands holding their sides under their arms. Some of the largest babies can be around the size of an average full grown male adult. Socialising your baby with other babies is very important and far easier at this stage, but care should be taken when your baby meets others that are drastically different in size or weight to your baby. (Again, we should be aiming for as few hospital visits as possible!)

Their baby arms will have fallen off by now, making them easier to hold if they only have 2 permanent arms. The hands and feet of your baby should be fully developed at this stage and should look like those of their parents! Their grip should be strong and they should be able to walk and toddle around on their own now that their big toe has moved around to be more suited for walking instead of climbing. Carapace will have grown at the ends of the fingers and toes. This is the beginning of their full shell growing in.

They will be very inquisitive at this age, so you can’t relax just yet! Now that they are larger and have less limbs, they should be less likely to climb and bite. You should be socialising your baby with other babies at the same stage, and at a similar size to them. Your baby is  at it’s softest at this point, ready for more carapace to grow in now that they have grown out of their baby carapace and arms!

The ‘grub scars’ should be clearly visible at their sides. Once they grow in carapace over their ribs, they will no longer be visible, so the scars will not be permanent.

Your baby should have moved on to eating more solid but soft foods. Since they still have their sharp baby teeth, they will help them to slice through and eat them.

Leading up to this stage baby will start saying their first words, and should now also be able to communicate with you with a few words as well as some babbling and chittering. Basic commands can be understood and followed by your baby!

24 MONTHS

Your baby will now have reached the toddler stage! By this point you will have  gotten through the first (and arguably the toughest) 2 years of raising your child, well done!

Your baby’s hands and feet will have full carapace on them, as well as the cuffs around the ankles and wrists being complete. You will have seen the carapace slowly grow in around the extremities over the past few months.

Softer smaller plates on the knees, elbows, collarbones, and shoulder blades will have grown in as well, but still have plenty of room for movement around them! Baby’s growth should be starting to plateau at this point, as they start to settle into their toddler size! Their growth should be a slow steady upward trend from this point forward into adulthood. No more sudden growth spurts, and a nice rest from having to adjust or make new clothing!

Baby teeth will begin to fall out soon, making room to be replaced with new teeth that will grow in either rounded or sharp, ready to start eating tougher solid foods that fit their diet. Don’t be concerned if your baby starts to loose teeth, they will grow back in fairly quickly and should be taken as a sign that they are ready to start moving on to these tougher foods once they have enough of their new teeth grown in to be able to chew their food thoroughly enough. This is the perfect time to introduce baby to pumpkins!

Baby should now be able to communicate with more words and form simple requests and sentences. They should be able to communicate with you with a slightly wider vocabulary! 

MARBLING

Patterning and marbling may be present on your baby. It is most likely that your baby will either solid black or white, or very low on the scale of marbling. It is rarer for them to have more heavy marbling.  

Marbling is purely superficial and will not affect your baby’s health, apart from some minor effects from having split-face marbling. If the colouring is different over each eye, then the eye colours will also be different. This can cause some minor issues, since each eye reacts differently to different light levels and may be slightly different sizes. These babies will be referred to an Optician for checks once they are at the toddler stage if there are no obvious issues presenting in the first few years. If the colour is split over the mouth, the teeth will match whichever colour has the most coverage on the baby. More white will have black teeth, more black will have white teeth.

Marbling most commonly occurs around the extremities, and on the head but away from the face. Less commonly, marbling will appear on the midsection and chest Any marbling that crosses over the face is very uncommon. 

Even rarer are any of the mutations of the marbling patterning. Again purely superficial in most cases! Even if your baby is solidly colored they may carry these genes, and they can occur at any level or marbling, apart from the symmetrical split mutation.

The babies in this chart cover the most common height range at around 18 months, large babies can be up to three times the size of smaller babies!

We are still learning more about babies and are looking to gather more data on them so that we can give parents better advice. Please consider signing your baby up to our monitoring program so that we can collect more data on carapacian babies! Please enquire at Can Town Community Hospital about signing your baby up for this study.

Me and everyone at the Can Town Community Hospital wish you the best of luck with raising your new baby and look forward to seeing you again for check-ups as they grow!

-GM

You can also find notes on adult Carapacians from our colleagues  HERE!

#homestuck #carapacians #emdau #carapacian #her name is gm now and she's had some changes! shes here to teach you about babies though! #rp #this is rp right?? tell me if im bad at this i was trying to make my wordlbuilding more fun since i have a nurse/midwife character anyway #i guess my carasona BA illustrated these #headcanons #lore #Homestuck AU #like for real feel free to critique me i struggle with writing a lot lol

[lesbiansforboromir]

'But the stewards were wiser and more fortunate. Wiser, for they recruited the strength of our people from the sturdy folk of the sea-coast, and from the hardy mountaineers of Ered Nimrais’

I'm still incredibly intrigued by this juicey comment within Faramir's general Gondor-pseudo-history diatribe in TTT. So much of what he says is barely even half true, so it stands to reason that this is also somehow misleading AND YET... I can't see it being entirely false either? At the very least it confirms the existence of, not only distinct ethnic indigenous middlemen groups that are present still within Gondor's population, but that those groups ALSO have maintained their distinct cultures in some form as well, for the whole 2000 years of the King's rule!! This excites me to mania. 

But the term 'recruited' is both so specific and yet so opaque. @illegalstargender tells me that they can't think of another medieval meaning to it, other than the usual military one. And since Faramir declares that the strength is 'of our people' then the change enacted by the Stewards can’t have been to do with middle men citizenship within Gondor. It reads to me like there was a racial embargo on middle men gondorians serving in the Military during the King's reign that the Ruling Stewards abolished.

And this would make sense right? Oaths would be a necessary part of joining Gondor’s military. It would be very comforting for the Dunadain to use Isildur’s curse as an excuse to justify mistrust of middle men gondorians and keep them ‘at arms length’ as it were. HOWEVER this also means that ALL of Gondor's military before the Steward's reign HAD to incorporate only Dunadain. Or at least men who were dunadain-socialised and raised (and probably blooded). Which... HIGHLY inflates the numbers of Dunadain I had assumed were living in Gondor by the year T.A 2050. And there’s an element of this that could make sense, Pelargir had existed for a millenia before Gondor was founded, the city's population would have swelled the numbers of Dunadain that landed after the Akallabeth. And Umbar wasn't cut off from them until later but STILL... All of the army? All of them were just Dunadain specifically?? That’s wild John. 

But getting back on track, if we couple this with Faramir's stated racial hierarchy beliefs, (Yet now, if the Rohirrim are grown in some ways more like to us, enhanced in arts and gentleness, we too have become more like to them, and can scarce claim any longer the title High. We are become Middle Men, of the Twilight, but with memory of other things.) then what he essentially seems to be saying here is 'It is good that the Stewards got the middle men to fight our wars for us' which is... WILD. This tiny little segment creates this incredibly complex mini history of these two middle men communities and their various situations within gondorian society AND how that has changed over the millenias. If Mardil abolished a racist law, that must have been perceived by many as a victory at the time!

And yet it was also likely a pretty cold and calculating manoeuvre. Anyone still claiming dunadain heritage MUST have been dwindling in number by that point, after so many bottlenecking situations of battle and civil war and plague etc throughout history. As Gondor’s ethnic layout shifted towards less Dunadain and more middle men, the embargo was no longer feasible! Everyone knew the watchful peace would come to an end at some point, they could not afford to ban a majority of their population from military service any longer. 

But still, it would have meant an upheaval in social dialogue. And now, about 1000 years on in T.A 3018, we have this stark division in opinion between Boromir and Faramir, showing Gondor's own greater overall diversity of opinion. Boromir's 'I know the Men of Rohan; true and valiant, our allies' [-] 'descended from the free days of old.' vs Faramir's 'We are become Middle Men, of the Twilight but with memory of other things. For as the Rohirrim do, we now love war and valour as things good in themselves, both a sport and an end' etc etc attitudes are very much pitched against each other, just as the brothers themselves are in this strange conflict with each other that is mirrored by the various citizens of Gondor themselves.

AND I KNOW I talk about it quite a bit but it just always hits me how heavily and frequently Boromir is put into the Middlemen camp. He does it to himself, Faramir aligns him with them multiple times, the overall narrative describes him with a middleman slant and Eomer says Boromir is far easier to get along with than other ‘grim’ men of Gondor he's known! And like, yes, Faramir (and probably tolkien himself) means it as an insult, but it just makes me love him more. I love to think about the tales inherent in Boromir’s expertise with mountains that saves the fellowship from Caradhras. Did he spend time with the Mountaineers of Lossarnach and Lamedon? Were they his teachers? His comrades? His friends? What else did he pick up from them, hobbies? Stories? Games? Is it their influence that has allowed Boromir to be so gregarious, his social circles so fluid? I think about it and I suddenly have thirty fanfics I have to write immediately. 

#boromir #gondor #tolkien #lotr #soap operas in mannish sindarin #erran vs tolkien #text post #gondor meta

[amymel86]

Hello! Do you have any bits of your awesome writing to share for WIP wednesday?😍

I just saw this anon!

And thank you for asking <3

This is a bit more of this as yet untitled 'post-apocalyptic/fertility/modern arranged relationship???' fic. The first bit I posted on tumblr is here and as before, some things are not yet decided (like town names) and things may change...

“Are you sure this is what you want to do, darling?” Her mother’s voice on the telephone was a balm to her soul.

Sansa’s finger brushed the soft vivid petals of the small potted iris she’d bought at the store today. The iris symbolises hope, wisdom and courage among other things and she prays that the pretty purple and yellow bloom will lend her some of those. “I’ve got to try something, Mum,” she says, turning her attention to the two separate bundles of paper in front of her. Two men, two candidates, two different futures. Sansa had filled out all the matching service’s extensive questionnaires and scrutinised all the information she could find on the program. It seemed simple enough – you’re rewarded for helping to repopulate. In turn, the authorities help to pair you with someone who should be a good match dependant on all the information they have about you. The aim is that this new generation of children are raised in the traditional family unit. That had appealed to Sansa. “I can’t seem to find the right guy all on my own anyway,” she said into her phone.

“How do you know it will be safe, though?”

“It says here that my situation will be monitored by my own caseworker. I can call them any time I want. They’re not just going to drop me at the guy’s house and just leave us get on with it.”

“Hmmm... tell me about them? These men that they’ve narrowed down for you.”

“One’s called Waymar, he’s a financial advisor here in the Vale,” Sasna pauses, looking at the man’s photograph on his paperwork before fishing out the other. “And the other is called Jon, he owns a farm in the Reach.”

“None in the north then?” Her mother has been itching to get her back home. “I just wish there was a way to know that either of them were good men, Sansa. That’s all I want for you.”

Sansa put the two photos together. Two possible fathers for her child.

“That’s what I want too.”

***

“Shit! Holy fucking shit!” Jon says to himself, hanging up from his phone-call. “Mance!” he yells, bursting out of his trailer to find the old man. “Mance! It worked! It fucking worked!”

He’d relented. When Mance first put it to him that he should sign up for that weird government breeding program or whatever the fuck it was, he thought the old man’s last brain-cell must’ve fried up in the sun. But if they were going to make it easier for them and it meant Mance could keep the farm (and Jon could carry on living there rent free), then it was worth a shot. So he had relented. He’d filled out what seemed to be a gazillion and one questions about himself, his politics, his views on family and finances and education and fucking... art and shit. These damned government people wanted to know everything about him down to whether he scrunched or folded his toilet paper it seemed. He’d even had to lie. He didn’t like doing it, but there was no way that a fertile was going to pick him if he didn’t. So, he fished out an old photograph – one taken before the bar brawl that lost him his sight in one eye, and he’d also lied his asscheeks off by claiming he had ownership of the farm. He knew – he knew – that these lies are just more things that were going to trip him up one of these days but with Mance urging him on, he’d signed that damn form and offered himself up for the program.

And now a fertile had chosen him.

Him.

Fuck, he might throw up.

This can go one of two ways. Either completely up Shit Creek without a paddle – with his lies and reality crashing down on top of one another, leaving them exposed... or, his fertile somehow looks past his deceits and sticks with him and they-... well, shit, he could actually become a father. No-one becomes parents these days, especially not ‘round here. Fertiles flock to the big cities, to men with bigger pockets, or they work for couples who can afford to pay them off in exchange for a kid or two.

“It worked?” Mance asks, rolling out from under an old Ford pickup that needed a new exhaust. “They sendin’ us a peach?”

Jon shook his head. “They’re not sendin’ you anyone, old man. An’ don’t call her that – they’re-“ Fuck, what did the council call them on all that paperwork? “Reproductively abled.” He’ll have to remember that if he doesn’t want to offend her.

“Well, shit,” Mance grins. “What did I tell ya? Knew your pretty face was good for somethin’!”

Jon frowns. “Ain’t so pretty no more though.” He might have to go get himself a patch to cover his milky, sightless eye. It’s fine most of the time since Mance is the only one he sees unless he’s going to drink at Hobb’s, but he certainly doesn’t want to put off his ferti- reproductively abled friend who’ll be arriving in three weeks.

“She got a name? Your new peach?” Mance asked, earning him a glare.

“Sansa. Sansa Stark.”

Mance grunts and nods. “Sounds fancy.”

Yeah... It did sound kinda fancy he supposes. Jon’s first reaction had been that it was a mighty beautiful name, but now he thinks of it...

“Shame we can’t look her up – see if she’s a beauty or not.”

Jon can’t remember a time when that was an option. He was barely 11 at the highest point of the virus’s hold. Government officials had deemed certain channels on the internet were causing more harm than good by spreading false rumours, incorrect statistics and completely counterintuitive medical advice. The whole thing was shut down, now deemed illegal, only to be reconnected again three years later apparently looking like a foreign landscape from the one before. The internet was no longer a platform to socialise, only government approved informative sites remained. Mance says it’s better this way – that all people used to do was post vain images of themselves for attention anyway.

Jon wouldn’t mind seeing a vain image of Sansa Stark right about now though.

Not that it mattered terribly. As long as they get along and she decides to stick around she could be as ugly as sin. In fact, she probably will be, won’t she? Most pretty ferti- reproductively abled women stick to the cities and its high-fliers.

It doesn’t matter, he told himself. You just gotta keep her happy here and-

“Mance?” he asks, an issue coming to mind. The man grunts in acknowledgement. “Where the fuck is she gonna sleep? She’s not gonna want to stay in my trailer.”

The man grins in response. “I’m glad you asked, boy. I’m glad you asked.”

***

Her caseworker was meant to meet her at the train station. It was quite a drive to the farm and he was meant to pick her up, make sure she’s safe and happy and introduce her to Jon.

That hasn’t happened.

“Please accept my apologies, my dear,” Mr Baelish said down the other end of the phone. “There’s been a mix up with my schedule. We can set you up for the night at a local motel or ask your match to come and get you. Which would you prefer?”

Sansa eyes the dirty looking motel across the street from the train station. Everything here at [[INSERT TOWN NAME]] seems a little on the... rundown side. Maybe the sooner she gets to the farm, the better. Plus, her tummy is all a flutter with anticipation to actually meet Jon. She’d wound up swaying towards Jon as a match due to a few reasons; 1 – he does not live in, around, or anywhere near Harry or his crazy mother. 2 – he owns a farm, and that had conjured up hazy daydreams of idyllic country life. Sansa may enjoy big nights out in the city, drinking her dirty margaritas and feeling her bones vibrate against the base beat in a nightclub, but she knows that’s not what she wants to raise a child around. A child will want to run barefoot through wheat fields and chase chickens and milk cows and –

Let’s just say Sansa has a few ideas and that they all helped to sway her away from city pleasures and towards farmhouse life. And Jon

And last, but not least, reason number 3 – Jon himself. Put side-by-side, his and Waymar’s photographs looked rather similar if truth be told, but Jon won out on something that Sansa just couldn’t describe. Looking at his photograph gave her goosepimples along her forearms because it was like he was looking right back at her. There was something in the depths of his eyes – a kindness? A wit? A strength? She’s not sure, but she couldn’t find the same qualities when she stared at Waymar’s likeness. And his answers too. His questionnaire was full of how he’d like to teach a kid how to walk and ride a bike and fix a... a tractor for heaven’s sake! And so her head was flooded once more of this idyllic life where they got up to watch the dawn stretch over the farmland and they’d grow their own vegetables and she’d bake a pie every day and it would just be perfect.

Perfect, perfect, perfect.

Sansa glances around the near abandoned train station.

This doesn’t look so perfect right now.

“Could you please arrange for Jon to come and get me, Mr Baelish?”

***

It’s been an hour and fifty-six minutes precisely since Sansa last spoke to Mr Baelish to arrange her match coming to get her. An hour and fifty-six minutes of sitting on the curb, waiting, surrounded by her three suitcases. She’d started off by sitting at the nearby bus stop, purely because it was somewhere to sit and she had a clear view of the road, but after the rude bus driver insisted that if she’s sat there, she must be wanting to hop on his bus, Sansa decided to park her butt on the dusty, sun-baked curb instead. Her legs were beginning to numb and she was starting to get a headache from the sun beaming down on her head. The curls she’d styled into her copper locks have likely lost their hold by now. What a waste. Opposite, on the other side of the street, beside the dirty little motel, there was a tiny bar that advertised the fact that it hosted exotic dancers at the weekends with a blinking neon sign. Next to it was a hunting and fishing ‘emporium’ and beside that was a vacant store with an old dirty sign that read ‘Blouses & More!’. Presumably, the ‘& more’ still wasn’t enough to keep that fine establishment in business in this funny little town. At the end of the block was ‘Tarly’s Drugstore’ and Sansa had been debating with herself whether or not she should haul her suitcases over to go buy a drink and a magazine for about the last hour and fifty-five minutes.

But she hadn’t wanted to miss Jon Snow’s arrival.

Jon Snow, who seemed to be pulling up outside Tarly’s Drugstore in a dusty Ford pickup truck right about now. Sansa stood, expecting him to come right on over considering how long she’d been waiting for him, but she found herself wondering if she’d got it all wrong when she hadn’t caught a good enough look at him before he darted straight into the store.

Sansa is done with waiting. She grabs her smallest case and places it on top of her larger one, trying her darnedest to roll all her luggage across the road in a lady-like fashion. She could feel the eyes of several passers-by on her while her stiletto heels clip across the street. In turn, her own gaze fell to Jon’s cream-coloured truck. Its front bumper looked a little rusty and wonky too. There was a big gash in the leather of the bench seating on the passenger side. On the truck bed, there were a number of items, including a rocking chair that seems to have a couple of spindles on the chair-back missing, and a new double bed mattress wrapped in clear plastic. Sansa was almost done frowning at the state of the vehicle when the over-door bell of the drugstore tinkles.

“Holy shit,” he curses. And yes, it definitely was Jon standing right in front of her. Only... well... his hair was tied into a knot at the back of his head and.... and... he was wearing a black eye patch? “Uh,” he stood there, arms laden with bottles from the store as the gaze from his one good eye quickly darted down her frame and back up again. “You’re her, right? You’re Sansa Stark?”

Sansa found she could only nod, looking him up and down, like he was with her. He was in jeans with oil smears, some tough, heavy looking boots, a somehow pristine white vest and flannel shirt with the arms ripped off.

Speaking of arms...

Gods-damn! Sansa’s focus was momentarily derailed...

“Sorry, I-“ Jon starts before his grey eye drops to the floor and then returns to her, looking a little bashful. “I didn’t expect you to be so pretty.”

Oh boy. He may be wearing an eye patch right now but this man could win over a thousand girls with that smile, Sansa’s sure of it. She resists the urge to giggle like a schoolgirl. She’s here to find out if they’re well suited enough to start a family together – she needs to keep her head and think rationally, not allow herself to be swayed by his rugged country boy charm. It was Harry’s looks that enticed her in the first place – and look how well that turned out for her?

“Thank you,” Sansa says, blinking back at him before his words truly hit home. “Didn’t they give you my photograph?”

Jon shook his head. “No, ma’am.”

Huh.

“Did they show you mine?”

Sansa bites her lip and gives a nod.

Jon grimaces. “So I guess you weren’t expecting this?” He points to his patch.

Sansa shakes her head. “No... did you... did you do something to injure it?”

Jerking his head, Jon begins rubbing at the back of his neck with his free hand. “It’s a long story... but... it ain’t gonna get any better, if that’s what you’re askin’.”

“Oh.”

They stood, staring at one another for a heartbeat or five before Jon sucks in a breath over his teeth and glances down to the bottles he clutched to his chest with one arm. “I tried to get you some things to help you feel at home,” he says, “these are the nicest smellin’ soaps ‘n’ stuff from Tarly’s.”

“Thank you,” Sansa replies, knowing full well that she brought her Highgarden Floral Scents bathroom range with her.

Jon chews on his lip as he eyes her suitcases. “Lemme get those for you,” he offers before dumping the bottles in his arms into the truck bed and reaching for her luggage. Sansa’s heeled shoes seem welded to the spot. Jon notices. Scrubbing both hands down his face in resignation, he takes a step closer to her and Sansa realises for the first time, that he had dirt beneath his fingernails. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. “It was a shitty thing for me to do,” he offers, his words low and husky. Sansa feels the timbre of his voice set off a trickle of gooseflesh down her spine. “I’m sorry.”

She blinks at him, momentarily confused.

“About this,” he explains, brows high on his head as he points to his patch. “I shouldn’t have sent that old photo of before this happened, but – fuck – even my ex-girl won’t acknowledge I exist anymore with this and I knew I shoulda been honest about it but-“

“This ex-girl...” Sansa suddenly found herself left with a sour taste in her mouth. “... does she still mean something to you?”

Jon licks at his lips, his eye falling briefly to her own. “No, ma’am,” he shakes his head.

#jonsa #jon x sansa #wip wednesday #but late #oops