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sweetloleepop · 10 months

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𝑺𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑶𝒍𝒅, 𝑺𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑵𝒆𝒘, 𝑺𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑩𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒅, 𝑺𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑩𝒍𝒖𝒆

Chapter 3: Les Nuits Parisiennes

Synopsis: What comes after the wedding? The honeymoon of course. And where else is it best to celebrate it other than the city of love?

Pairings: Zeke Yeager/Reader, Erwin Smith/Reader

Tags: Modern AU, Arranged Marriage, Additional Tags to be Added, Implied Sexual Content, Reader is kind of a dandere, Erwin Smith is mean and cold, angst, spoilers in tags, slow burn, mild smut, vaginal fingering, fingerfucking, loss of virginity, p in v sex

a/n: I'm trying my best to update as fast as I can and I hope I didn't made you guys wait for so long!! Also, here's chapters 1 and 2

Wordcount: 1.8k

“Will you, Erwin Smith, take (Y/N) (L/N) as your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do”

“Will you, (Y/N) (L/N), take Erwin Smith as your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do”

“By the power vested in me by God and man, I now pronounce you as husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride”

Erwin and (Y/N) faced each other. He gently lifted her vail and slowly inched closer. (Y/N)’s heart kept on beating so fast, she hasn’t kissed a man before, this will be the first. She tried to calm herself just before Erwin closed the space between their lips.

The kiss was short, only lasting at least 5 seconds. Erwin thought kissing her for so long would be too immoral and kissing her without making it last would look too suspicious so he decided to count to five when their lips met.

After the kiss, the newly weds looked at the people in the church, they were all cheering for them.

In the corner of (Y/N)’s eye, she saw her father, he doesn’t look happy but not mad either. (Y/N) thought to just ignore him for now, after all she’s married and she doesn’t have to stay with them anymore and that gave her a sense of relief.

(Y/N) found herself reminiscing in the earlier events. She’s currently sat down on the hotel bed, wearing only a nightgown. Their trip to Paris was short, thanks to the fast and steady flight of Erwin’s private plane.

(Y/N) felt a bit nervous. They’ve finished their dinner earlier and have took a little rest. It’s what’s going to happen next that is causing her anxiety. She has never slept with anyone before and she’s afraid that she’ll make a mistake —worse, displease her partner.

She jumped a little as the door suddenly opened. Erwin looked at her with his stunning blue eyes. They looked shiny and dreamy in the darkness of the room.

(Y/N) examined Erwin. He’s wearing a pair of pajamas in dark shades of blue, he looks so enticing. Her thoughts were interrupted by Erwin’s heavy steps. He’s heading towards her and she can’t calm her rapidly beating heart.

“May I?” Erwin asked while pointing at the empty space next to (Y/N).

“Sure”

Erwin sat down on the bed next to her and cleared his throat.

“I’ll be forward with you and say it. We both know what’s supposed to happen tonight but I won’t force anything on you. I know that we still barely know each other but this needs to happen anyways. I would rely on your decision right now for your body is greatly involved but do know that you’re free to tell me when you’re not feeling comfortable about something or if we should do anything at all tonight.”

(Y/N) didn’t know what to say. Erwin is being considerate and she’s glad that he is but having her decide on this is very unexpected. Personally, she’s anticipating something to happen tonight but saying that out loud is very embarrassing.

“W-well, I mean, we’ll need to do it eventually anyways so why not do it tonight?” Gosh, if this isn’t incredibly embarrassing.

(Y/N) looked up just in time to see Erwin nodding.

“I see. Very well then,” Erwin stood up and picked out something from the mini fridge inside their room. “Would you like something to drink before we get to it?”

“Sure, I guess”

Erwin gave her a glass of red wine. She watched as the red liquid swirled inside the glass.

“Thank you”

“You’re welcome. Cheers to our wedding, hm?”

“Cheers” They clicked their glasses and drank the red liquid. (Y/N) hummed as she tasted the bittersweet wine.

Erwin and (Y/N) drank for a while and talked a bit. (Y/N) found herself feeling more comfy with Erwin as she knew more about him and see more of what he’s like. Erwin feels the same way but of course, he can’t forget what all this is about.

Erwin gave her yet another glass and they raised their drinks together. (Y/N) drank it almost immediately, feeling as the bitter taste of alcohol caress her tongue and ran down her throat. She was honestly feeling a bit light headed but not really that drunk.

“This should be enough for tonight, don’t you think?” Erwin asked.

“Oh, yes, sure” (Y/N) simply replied.

Erwin took their glasses and put them away. After that, he came back to his seat beside (Y/N) and they just sat there in silence. Both knew what they’re supposed to do yet no one’s doing anything.

For the first time in Erwin’s life, he is unsure of what to do. He know what he has to but deep inside him, he doesn’t really want to do this– Not in this circumstance. He took a deep breath and looked at the woman beside him. (Y/N) must’ve noticed his gaze because not long after he looked at her, she looked back at him. Erwin took that as a cue and held (Y/N)’s chin between his thumb and index finger.

They looked into each other’s lips and eyes then finally, they closed the space between them. The kiss was soft, almost tender. It wasn’t rushed which made (Y/N) thankful for she’s still learning things and this is very new to her, in fact this is her first real kiss– except for hers and Erwin’s shared kiss at the altar.

Not long after, she felt Erwin’s tongue swipe through her lips and she subconsciously opened her mouth. Erwin took that chance to enter (Y/N)’s mouth. He guided her tongue and she followed his ministrations. ‘So this is what kissing is’ (Y/N) thought to herself. She felt Erwin’s hand caress her cheek and touch her waist, he was trying to guide her to go near the bed’s headboard. (Y/N) obliged, trying her best to not break the kiss while moving backwards. They soon reached the pillows and Erwin made her lay down.

Erwin broke the kiss which made (Y/N) release a small involuntary moan. She was blushing so hard and was catching her breath. (Y/N) felt very embarrassed under Erwin’s gaze and so she averted hers. She felt Erwin’s fingers run through her gown and she looked back at him.

“May I?” Erwin quietly asked.

“S-sure,”

Erwin removed (Y/N)’s clothes. He slowly traced his fingers through her body and caressed every parts that he could. He watched as she twitched and squirmed under his touch, ‘sensitive’ he thought. He started to remove his own clothes, leaving only his underwear. Just when he thought (Y/N) couldn’t get any red, she blushed harder when he saw Erwin’s body. She’s never seen a man naked before and the anticipation and excitement that it gives her is almost unbearable.

(Y/N) watched as Erwin slide his hand down in between her thighs. Her breathing is hard and she’s covering her face with her hand. She sighed as she felt Erwin’s finger wander near her clothed entrance. He’s teasing her. Erwin wanted to make sure he preps her well so kept the teasing going until (Y/N) is practically grinding into his hand. He slowly removed her lacy underwear and threw them away.

Erwin slowly encircled his finger near (Y/N)’s entrance. He slowly but surely gathered enough of her slick to rub her clit. He sank his finger a little and swiped through (Y/N)’s folds. She released a moan as she felt Erwin’s finger slid through her. Erwin started to rub his finger in circles in her clit, making her whimper. He continued with his ministrations for a bit before he slid his finger down.

Erwin slid one finger in, making (Y/N) gasp and close her legs. He was fast to catch one of her leg though, opening them again. He thrust his finger in and out for a few times before inserting another one. He fingered her with two of his fingers for a while and then he tried to insert yet another one in.

(Y/N) felt Erwin trying to insert a third finger. She felt herself stretch and she released a hurt whimper. She tried to bear with it for a while but she’s getting too hurt and uncomfy so she looked at Erwin with teary eyes.

“I know, but I need to prep you well or it’ll hurt more” Erwin told (Y/N) as if he’d read her mind.

(Y/N) endured the pain which soon turned into pleasure. She felt Erwin’s fingers slid in and out of her repeatedly and curl inside her. It wasn’t long until she felt a weird sensation in her stomach. Her moans became louder and she bit her hand. Erwin noticed that (Y/N)’s about to cum so he traced circles around her clit with his thumb. As (Y/N) reached her high, she moaned a loudly, gripped the sheets and arched her back. She twitched a lot afterwards, having been so sensitive after her first orgasm. (Y/N) felt heavenly and light, it was a feeling that she’s never felt before. Erwin waited for her to come down from her high and while waiting, he started to remove the only garment left on his body.

(Y/N) took a look at Erwin and her eyes widened at what she saw. She- She’s seeing a man’s- And- Ah-

“Don’t worry, I think I’ve prepped you enough. I can’t guarantee that it won’t hurt though”

(Y/N) only nodded as a response.

After (Y/N) calmed down from her previous orgasm, Erwin took his time making himself fully hard. He slowly stroked himself before he placed himself between (Y/N)’s legs. He positioned his cock in line with (Y/N)’s entrance and slowly, he entered. (Y/N) felt hurt due to the stretch even though she’s still so wet.

Both released a sigh of relief as Erwin bottomed out. (Y/N) felt so full but the lack of friction made her a little frustrated. She bucked her hips which Erwin took as a cue to move. He slowly started to pull out, then he’ll enter again with the same pace.

Not long after, Erwin has started to pick up a fast pace. (Y/N)’s cunt squeezed Erwin’s cock so tightly which made the man almost lose his rational thinking. (Y/N)’s still so tight, something Erwin hasn’t felt before. He only ever realized he’s never had sex with a virgin. It’s only her. While Erwin’s body is busy, his mind wanders to think of a certain someone, that woman.

Erwin’s fast pace made (Y/N) feel that same sensation in her stomach as before, she’s close. She doesn’t have anything in her mind except from chasing that high. She quietly whispered Erwin’s name.

Erwin snaked his hands between their bodies, trying to locate (Y/N)’s clit. He started to rub tight circles on her before she finally came. (Y/N) tightly gripped Erwin’s arm causing for him to groan.

Erwin’s orgasm didn’t take long after (Y/N). After a few more hard thrusts, he finally came. His arms trembled and he let himself fall beside (Y/N).

As both tried to catch their breaths, silence enveloped their room. This will be the start…

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singofsolace · 1 year

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You’re not crazy at all for thinking that. I’ve seen a few people here, and on twitter as well, mention that — Tedbecca-related frustration aside — they found the whole storyline to be weird and off-putting. I get what they were going for, thinking of the long-term implications, with this guy being a clear parallel to Ted and the last of the psychic red herrings, but there were definitely different ways to go about it. On the plus side, maybe there’s a fic hiding somewhere in that mess?👀

Yes, exactly—I understand what they were going for, I really do; I just couldn’t get past my fear for Rebecca’s safety long enough to appreciate the obvious parallels… or even to appreciate the storyline at all, if I’m being honest. I’m glad other people are with me on this, because her scenes with Dutch Boat Man had my anxiety level higher than I ever remember it being while watching an episode of Ted Lasso before, and what’s worse is that I don’t think they intended to make a significant portion of the audience feel that way, so somewhere along the line, I think they may have miscalculated in the writer’s room.

It was supposed to be funny and romantic… but the whole storyline just made me sick to my stomach, because all of the jokes about Rebecca being in danger weren’t jokes to me…? It could not have more clearly been an incredibly dangerous and risky thing to do, letting her guard down, taking a shower in the boat, and getting drunk with a complete stranger, without anyone knowing where she was, and with no phone to call for help if she needed it. They also made an incredibly poor decision, I think, to make it canon that Rebecca drank enough to not remember what happened, because not only are they making light out of the fact that Rebecca doesn’t know for sure if this strange man took advantage of her last night, but it also calls into question how this was meant to be a step forward in her character development if she can’t remember everything that happened the night before?

Also, even though we as the audience see him put a blanket on her and let her sleep, canonically, Rebecca doesn’t know for sure that he’s telling the truth when he says they didn’t have sex. Rebecca is relying entirely on him to be honest about what happened, when she doesn’t even know the man’s name!!! So even though the audience knows they didn’t have sex, Rebecca herself will never know with complete certainty that Dutch Boat Man didn’t take advantage of her, and that disturbs me a great deal.

Yes, I think a fanfic is going to come from this. Maybe multiple fanfics, because I need to unravel the darkness in my brain in a semi-healthy way instead of dwelling on it for the next… who knows how long?

#ted lasso spoilers #rebecca welton #rape tw

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crissiebaby · 10 months

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DiapOut: Chapter 34

DISCLAIMER: This series contains diaper usage, public humiliation, masturbation, hypermessing, sissification, WAM, mental regression, and other ABDL themes. If you haven’t read the first chapter and want to catch up, be sure to check out the link in the description. I hope you enjoy!

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“Well, this is a clusterfuck,” said Jackson, pressing his thumb and forefinger to his temples, “Do we even have an angle to do a reliable photo finish with? Because if we don’t, this is going to suck to reshoot.”

Sitting in front of her multi-monitor display, Keelee watched closely at the different angles they had, trying to see who touched the ground first between Misa and Zeke. Meanwhile, the show had to keep rolling, meaning that she was forced to rely on her assistant to call the show for Cade’s turn while she was stuck sifting through footage. Making matters worse for her was Jackson, who wouldn’t stop pacing and ranting to her. “Okay, you’re gonna have to calm down dude. The show is running just fine. Worst case scenario, we’ll just say Misa won. We need the Wetters to make up those points anyway since Mia dumbly decided to take that water challenge on herself,” she said, hoping that the mostly smooth sailing round would put Jackson’s mind at ease.

“I know, right? There’s no way she makes it back to her turn. It’s like she doesn’t even want to win,” scoffed Jackson, finding a new target to let out his anxiety on, “And don’t even get me started on if Misa actually wants to win or not. I swear, Cassi picked these four just to make my life hell.”

Nodding passively as Jackson droned on, Keelee wanted nothing more than for Jackson to leave her alone to do her job. She wasn’t about to just say that outright, though. She instead pivoted the conversation, “Listen, why don’t you head back out onto the floor? I can wrap everything up here. Besides, they’re gonna need you after Cade’s punishment anyway.”

“Sounds good. It’s too fucking hot back here anyway,” said Jackson, remarking on the toasty conditions of their confined showrunner space, “Speaking of Cade’s punishment, did you know Cassi had me switch out the lisping jelly we put on his paci gag? The girl is such a control freak.”

Knowing why the jellies were switched, Keelee kept her mouth shut. It wasn’t like she wanted to steal edibles from Cade’s bag, melt them down, and then mix them in with the lisping jelly. She silently cursed Cassi in her head for convincing her to do it for the sake of the show, deciding mentally that the next time Cassi wants her dirty work done, she can do it herself.

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A Dummy for a Dummy.

Rubbing his hands together, Cade couldn’t help but feel excited that it was his turn. Sure, he’d landed on a punishment square but he had to admit that he was a tad jealous at all the fun-looking mini-games the other players got to participate in.

“Uh oh! Looks like we’ve got ourselves a Little who’s in desperate need of their paci! Nanny Iris!” shouted Cassi, snapping her fingers and summoning another Iris bot, who brought with them a large-bulbed pacifier covered in a thick, clear substance, “Perfect! One pacifier coated in CrissBaby Lisping Jelly. Thank you, Iris.” She took the binky from the Iris bot and walked up to Cade, grinning sweetly.

Smiling back at Cassi, Cade couldn’t help but be a tad smitten by her beauty. He puffed out his chest a little, shooting a coy look Cassi’s way. “So what? I have to suck a pacifier until my next turn or-MMMF!” he said, his words cut off by Cassi as she suddenly shoved the binky bulb in between his lips. He instantly began lapping up the jelly, surprised by how delightful the flavor is. It tasted familiar for some reason but he couldn’t put his finger on why.

“You’re going to suck on this binky until the end of the game, sweet cheeks, so get used to it,” said Cassi, booping her finger against the pacifier playfully, “Now, what do we say when someone gives you a present?”

With his eyes darting toward the floor and blush building in his cheeks, Cade bashfully responded, “Fankoos CassiWowle,” unable to tell if the lisping jelly has already started working or if it was just the pacifier causing him to sound garbled.

“Good boy,” said Cassi, patting Cade on the head before ushering him back to the set. She waited for him to reach the rest of his group before calling on the next contestant, “Okay, Ayaya! It’s your time to shine! We’re all on the edge of our seats to see how you follow up your jaw-dropping performance in Round Two!”

Playfully tossing the dice block up and down in her hand, if anyone wasn’t afraid to roll in this game, it was Cassi. Having the ability to veto any challenge or punishment she came across was just about the most unfair thing they could let her do. Not that she was complaining, though. She let the lone die fall to the floor, putting little effort into her toss as she stepped back, observing the middling three she had rolled with slight disappointment. That disappointment quickly petered off as she spotted a blue space three away from her current position, meaning that she’d lucked into a Play-It or Pass-It Challenge that she wouldn’t even have to veto to get out of.

Crossing over Baby Food Brook on a bridge made of diaper stuffers, Ayaya and her team exited The Soiled Swamp and entered the next territory of CassiLand, marked by a sign that read Baron Von Blushy’s Diaper Canyon. The area was filled with rows and rows of stacked diapers scattered all around, some of which were taller than the players. Coming to a stop on a blue space, Ayaya looked around, feigning a look of joyous wonderment for the audience. She counted to five in her head before deciding she’d taken in the scenery long enough to be believable. “Welp, I’d better not keep my host waiting,” she said with an overtly bubbly tone as she turned to make her way toward Cassi’s platform.

“Cut!” yelled Keelee, entering the set with her bullhorn pressed to her lips and causing everyone in the studio to fall silent. Jumping up onto Cassi’s platform, she wasted no time cutting to the chase, “After reviewing the footage, it appears Zeke’s foot touched the ground just before Misa’s knee did. Therefore, the 15 points are awarded to the Wetters. Misa, come over here and get your title belt. You’ll need to wear it for the rest of the Round.”

Misa, Ayaya, and Lelaya all jumped for joy after learning of Misa’s miraculous victory. The only one not bouncing up and down was Mia, whose waterlogged diaper kept her feet firmly planted. “I-I cans bewieve I dids it!” stuttered Misa, her heart fluttering as her praise shower continued. The group of friends surrounding her quickly pushed her in Keelee’s direction, excited to see her wearing such a large title belt on her short body.

“That’s nearly a 25-point lead! We’ve got this in the bag,” said Ayaya, patting Misa on the back for her big contribution, “I mean, at least as long as SOMEONE doesn’t end up costing us ten points.” All eyes fell on Mia, who instantly shrunk back thanks to Ayaya’s statement.

“Hey, now. Let’s keep those blamey fingers holstered, shall we?” said Lelaya, who was actively playing hard defense against any potential for infighting on her team. She wrapped an arm around Mia's shoulder, pulling her back toward the rest of the group before doing the same with Ayaya using her other arm, “See, we’re all one big, happy family.”

“Yo, big, happy family! Any chance you wanna send Ayaya over so we can continue the game?” shouted Keelee through her bullhorn, too exhausted after a long, long day to mask her annoyance. She finished tying Misa’s belt into place before sending the loopy girl back to her team.

Tossing Lelaya’s arm off of her, Ayaya strutted up to CassiRole, her footsteps echoing as she stepped confidently onto the raised platform to face off against her gracious host. Her eyes didn’t stay on Cassi for long though, her attention shifted to the audience as she posed toward them with her most flattering angle.

“Someone looks eager,” quipped Cassi, taking note of the far more energetic performance that Ayaya was putting on in comparison to the previous two rounds, “Does this mean you’re going to follow in Mia’s footsteps by electing to take on the Play-It or Pass-It Challenge yourself, or are you just feeling extra energized after the amount of relief you got from Round Two.” Her smile grew as she spotted the faintest amount of blush filling Ayaya’s cheeks.

Shifting in place, Ayaya was still uncertain how she personally felt about her big messing from Round Two but the one thing she was certain of was that she didn’t want to be made fun of for it, least of all by the likes of someone nearly as hot as she was. Pushing through her initial embarrassment, she flashed Cassi a defiant smile as she responded, “I’m mostly just honored to get to play in front of such an engaging audience. You all are really making this show something special for us,” Her statement earned a wealth of cooing from members of the seating gallery, something that caused Cassi’s performative smile to falter ever so slightly.

Not wanting to be one-upped in front of her own crowd, Cassi was quick to take advantage of the situation. “Well, no one has fans as enthusiastic as CassiRole fans, so I’d expect nothing less,” she said, bringing the audience firmly back to her corner as her statement garnered much applause, “You ready to find out what your challenge is?”

“Yessir!” said Ayaya, her voice mimicking Cassi’s trademark peppiness. Both she and Cassi continued to side-eye each other as the digital wheel spun on the big monitor before coming to a sudden halt.

Hop To It.

Much like every other challenge and punishment title, the title that appeared on-screen was needlessly cryptic. “Oooh! This’ll be certain to get your blood pumping! Iris Nanny! Your assistance is requested,” said Cassi, snapping her fingers yet again to summon an Iris bot, the one bringing with it a large, red rubber ball with a single handle attached to it, “I’m sure everyone is at least somewhat familiar with one of these. Your challenge is to bounce around on this red ball until your next turn to claim the ten-point prize that comes with it. Throughout this time, you cannot stop bouncing. Nor can you, at any point, stand up or fall off. So, Ayaya, the choice is yours. Play-It or Pass-It?

For Ayaya, this was no choice at all. She had no intention of looking ridiculous by bouncing around for the next eight turns. Not only that, but she now had the power to target Rupert, something her teammates had failed to do. However, she didn’t want to seem too intent on passing, knowing that she needed to appear as a good, little diaper lover if she wanted to keep her audience happy. “Hmmm…that’s tough because I do love to bounce…” she said, fighting through the cringiness of what she was saying, “...though, I think it would be wise not to put all the Play-It or Pass-It Challenges on our side, just in case the Messers get the chance to target us down the road. I’m going to pass my challenge to Rupert.”

Suddenly, all eyes fell on Rupert, who had been doing a solid job maintaining a low profile up to this point. While the emergency enema had calmed down his tummy considerably, along with helping him recover most of his mental faculties and fortitude, he was still incredibly fatigued. Not only that but thanks to his diet from Round 2 in combination with the enema, his butthole had practically turned into an open border, with fecal matter leaking into the seat of his pampers on a nearly constant basis. Staring down the air-filled, red ball in the distance, he could feel his butthole tighten, knowing that it was going to be a very long next eight turns.

Wetters: 171.1 (+/-10) points Messers: 146.7 (+/-10) points

TO BE CONTINUED…

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Edited by AllySmolShork

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teataglia · 2 years

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If you’re ok with it, could you do Kaeya and Diluc or Suga helping their s/o get through a panic attack? I had one last night and I’m still kind of not completely calm

pairings: kaeya x reader, diluc x reader, sugawara x reader

warnings: panic attacks, anxiety

tea’s note: tried to write this as quickly as possible, i hope you’re feeling better now but my dms are always open IF you want to talk, but of course absolutely no pressure!

kaeya

kaeya would be incredibly helpful, he used to get them when he was a child, but ever since he’s been living in mondstadt, they’ve gotten worse and more frequent, constantly wondering where his own loyalties really lie

but because he’s had so many, he knows exactly how to handle them

as soon as he sees you, his first instinct is to hug you and hold you, but he knows this doesn’t always help so he’ll ask if you want space

if you do want space, he’ll stay with you but make sure not to crowd or overwhelm you

he’ll help you breathe deeply, counting beats to guide your inhales and exhales

while he might not completely understand why you’re feeling this way, he’s familiar with how you’re feeling and he understands that you might give him short responses and he does not mind at all

he wants you to be completely open with him and feel comfortable around him so he’ll take whatever you give him

he makes sure you know that he’ll stay with you no matter what, repeating this many times and even more when you ask if he’ll ever leave

kaeya will remain calm no matter what, he’s your rock, your stability

you CAN rely on him

diluc

diluc is no stranger to anxiety and pressure and he is super prepared, he’s talked with you before about how best he can support you during panic attacks

he does everything you say, following your instructions to a T, he wants to be as helpful as he possibly can

he’ll stay by your side the entire time, he always has tissues and a water bottle handy

he’ll run through breathing exercises with you, squeezing your hand to keep you there with him

will rub light, soothing circles on your back, and if you want to be held he’ll take you in his arms and hug you tightly

he’ll identify the panic attack, straight up telling you what it is and remind you that it will pass

he never dismisses your feelings, but he knows that panic attacks don’t usually last long (peaking around 10 minutes) and he’ll be with you every step of the way

if you want to talk with him, he is the best listener in Teyvat, but he also understands talking and organizing your thoughts is difficult so he isn’t expecting anything from you

he’ll ask what the cause of the attack is and if he can do anything in that moment to lessen your stress

if you don’t know the cause and there’s nothing he can do, he’ll emphasize that while the feelings will pass, there’s no rush or pressure to feel better immediately and that you can take as much time as you want or need, he’ll still be with you

sugawara

suga is by your side as soon as he hears you’re having a panic attack, he’s also experienced overthinking and spiraling thoughts and he knows how scary and upsetting it can be, let alone the physical symptoms

he’ll breathe with you, exaggeratedly puffing out his chest for the inhale and deflating on the inhale in hopes to distract you and make you laugh

he’ll use grounding techniques, asking you to list five things you hear, see, smell, taste, and feel

if he sees you’re struggling, he’ll give you prompts, like pointing across the street to a mcdonalds saying, “I see the golden arches”

he’ll remind you that you’re safe in a safe space and will try to make you as comfortable as possible

he usually has ice cubes in his water bottle and will pour some out placing them in your hand out of the blue

you’re confused but the new freezing sensation will cause your mind to shift from screaming at you to screaming to alert you of a new possible outside threat

he’ll state that the ice is meant to “freeze” your thoughts and you’ll give him a humorless, unimpressed “haha”

he’ll remind you that your brain is trying to keep you safe, kicking in your fight or flight instincts and physical reactions, and that it’s just working too hard

suga believes in the power of repetition and will constantly tell you that you and your feelings are not a burden and that they are valid

taglist: @simp-lauren

#｡⋆ʚ♡⃛ɞ ᴛᴇᴀ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇs #anon<3 #kaeya alberich #kaeya #kaeya genshin impact #kaeya x reader #diluc ragnvindr #diluc genshin impact #diluc x reader #sugawara koushi #haikyuu!!#sugawara x reader #genshin impact #comfort

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pinkspiraling · 1 year

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please tell me what to do with my life!! please like actually if you have a second

last wednesday i came super close to quitting my job impulsively and i told myself that i could wait until the next wednesday to decide. and guess what tomorrow is wednesday so it’s time for you to decide for me lmao. here’s the pros and cons. firstly, i am super suicidal and have been since at least june. it’s been absolute hell and i have completely destroyed myself. a customer service job is draining me quickly and they have me do so much training i’m just sick of being so relied upon. they do pay me more than most starting jobs however (bc i’ve been there a while. and it’s starting jobs without experience so i could hypothetically get a new job that pays more). but also i have no intention to get a new job, i’m struggling so so much i don’t want to have a job until mid may (and that’s if i have to). here’s the other thing…my dad is a workaholic who makes crazy money and loveeeeessss to guilt trip his kids about how much he has sacrificed. basically if you’re not ambitious he doesn’t understand you and thinks you’re a piece of shit :) and i am not ambitious at all i just want to feel a crumb of contentment in this miserable world lol. if i take time off work i do think i should admit myself or go to rehab or something…at the very least therapy. so much has happened and i am so deep into addiction and depression i just know i need to step away from my surroundings. but i feel crazy crazy guilt about costing my parents that money and quitting my job and just expecting them to help me. they have the means to but my dad guilt trips us about money all the fucking time. last year he made a joke about how therapy should have fixed me by now. and now i’m not in therapy and i won’t go back bc i can’t afford it by myself and i can’t bring myself to ask them to pay for it even tho i know they would. there’s so much shame and fear in me and i am afraid it will make things worse. but i also feel like i genuinely won’t be able to keep working although i think that’s just my symptoms talking cause things are getting so much worse. maybe i am sort of agoraphobic now, but it’s so hard to leave my room like it doesn’t feel safe out there and i don’t have panic attacks but i do have crazy anxiety that is just overwhelming to face so id rather avoid it. idk if i’m agoraphobic or have avpd or bpd or something else cause i just feel like there has to be something else like something is really wrong. anyways, if i do quit, my family will be super confused and worried and think im a horrible lowlife piece of shit. i won’t argue with it but i hate that they will think of me that way and i am afraid. idk give me advice pls if you have any at all idk what to do but i’m too depressed to work i am barely surviving but idk if it’s worth it to be more insecure and ashamed bc of my family’s reaction

#pink’s word vomiting

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kris-mage-fics · 9 months

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2, 7, and 33 for the writing asks! -em

Weird Questions for Writers post

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

Nope, I couldn't! This is purely an accessibility issue for me. I can't write by hand for very long before my hand really starts to hurt. Also my spelling is sooo much worse. When I'm typing I rely a lot on muscle memory to spell words correctly, but when I'm doing it by hand the dyslexia is really a problem. Like m/w get switched, or b/d, b/p, d/a, d/q, p/q, f/t, i/j, even u/v. Sure I know I want to write an 'm', but I might end up writing a 'w' because it's the same letter just mirrored. Or I'm trying to write 'a' but my hand keeps going so now it's a 'd'.

The thing is, I didn't even realize I was dyslexic until a few years ago! So until my late 30’s I struggled so much with any kind of writing and didn’t know why it was so hard. If I mentioned to anyone that spelling was really hard for me they’d always say stuff like “But you’re so good at reading!” So I thought I was stupid or not trying hard enough, even though deep down I knew there was something going on that wasn’t my fault. Writing by hand actually gives me a lot of anxiety because of all those years being judged for something I didn’t have control over. And honestly, I don’t think I would’ve ever trying writing if I didn’t know I was dyslexic. Because I still would’ve been blaming myself for being neurodivergent.

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

Answered here.

33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate?

Yes I do! I’ve done a ton of different arts and crafts over the years. My grandma taught me to crochet when I was 8, and that’s something I’ve done on and off ever since. Generally I crochet lace because the feeling of most yarn as it passes over my fingers gets really irritating, and fine cotton doesn’t. Also I like to challenge myself to make tiny, tedious things! I used to draw, but gave that up in my late teens because of how quickly my hand would start to hurt. Though I really miss it. I’ve dabbled in quite a few different types of embroidery: cross stitch, needlepoint, and drawn thread work. But my favorite is black work/double running stitch/Holbein stitch which I always make completely reversible with no visible knots because I’m nuts like that. I know how to sew, both by machine and hand. I’m not an expert at it, but I can do basic fitting and make clothing that isn’t very complicated. Quilting is something I’ve dabbled in, and would like to do more of, it’s so different than sewing clothing! Another thing I want to do more of is making chain maille jewelry, I’ve done a bit of it and it was really fun! (I’m purposefully leaving out quite a few things I’ve done because it’s already a long list, lol!)

My favorite art form besides writing is bead work! There is something so satisfying to me about working with beads. For one I love jewelry, which I think is a large part my grandpa’s fault (he was a rock hound/amateur lapidary artist, and he used to make jewelry for me). And I love both the technical/mechanical side of bead work, and the artistic/design side of it! It doesn’t matter if it’s bead weaving, if it’s stringing beads, or combining beads with wirework! I love all of it! Working with beads just clicks on a deeper level for me than most art forms I’ve tried.

As to whether it ties in to my writing, I guess that depends on how you interpret that question. I use a lot of lessons I’ve learned about creativity and my own creative process when I write. The way I approach writing is heavy informed by how I work in other mediums. And if it makes sense in the story, I will absolutely use knowledge about other types of art in my writing. Though I haven’t had much opportunity to do so yet. That’s only a matter of time, I usually give my own characters a hobby I’m at least a little knowledgeable about, so it will come up at some point or another.

Thanks for the ask, Em! Also I turned this into more essays, lol!

Oh, man I was looking for examples of some of my work, but I have hardly any photos of things I've made! Well, I did find a couple I can show.

This was done for a drawing class I took when I was 18. While I have regrets about adding color to it, I still think it turned out pretty well. I used a photograph of some rhododendrons from an old National Geographic as reference.

I made these earrings for my mom back in 2015. They're sterling silver and apatite with silk thread woven through the fine chain to add more color. The silver beads next to the drops are 2mm, and the total length is only 1.5 inches/3.8 cm, so you can see I tend to work small.

#weird writing ask game #plus a couple of pictures of a drawing and some earrings I made!#I wish I could do a good job cropping out the background on the earrings #because it's a little weird to have the top of a cardboard cutout of Sorin Markov of M:tG fame in there #we won him as a raffle prize at a pre-release ages ago and used to use him to cover all the wires coming out of my husband's desk lol #writing things #ask game #my artwork

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arzyn · 1 year

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Just realized how in Earth-97 Whitty and Tabi are direct foils to each other.

Whitty is wholly without any truly traumatizing events. He is pure, innocent, and still has unwavering faith in the world, and his near-saccharine behavior makes that clear as soon as you meet him.

Tabi, on the other hand, has more trauma than you can shake a stick at. From growing up in the foster system to being betrayed, his life has always been hard.

So he simply stopped believing things would ever go his way, and fell into a deep depression after the betrayal that no one has been able to pull him out of since.

But these two have one thing in common (aside from being friends.)

They’re afraid of change.

In Whitty’s case, this is directed towards positive applications, making him want to maintain the status quo he has in his life.

He has a big house and a great boyfriend and a ton of friends, why would he ever want to change that?

But in Tabi’s case, it’s what makes his shell so hard to crack.

He’s internalized that he deserves the life he got, and that it’s his place to suffer.

Combined with his trust issues, this makes it unlikely that he’ll ever really open up to anyone.

Why try to improve things when there’s a chance it might get worse? To quote the Mandela Catalogue, nothing is worth the risk.

So he pushes himself away from most everyone he knows, except for the Andromedas and Whitty, who are determined to help.

He believes his burdens are his alone to carry, even as his half-demonic soul breaks.

And now, we turn our eyes to the third member of the Earth-97 main trio.

Agoti.

He sits firmly between these two extremes.

He has his fair share of trauma, don’t get me wrong, but he also uses the support network he has access to. His loving brother and father, his friends, his therapist…by relying on others he’s managed to ascend from a very bad mental place to being extremely stable.

He can go out alone with his phone.

He doesn’t have nightmares much anymore.

Heck, he’s almost ready to travel long-distance.

His weird hyper silly personality has fully resurfaced, and he is now 95% OK.

And i did not intend ANY of this when building their characters. This just. Happened.

Tabi, in particular, is a representation of my own dealings with anxiety and change, albeit on a much more severe level than mine befitting his situation.

#friday night funkin #ramblings #whitty fnf #tabi fnf #agoti fnf #my au

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pcrfectstorms · 2 years

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below the cut is a list of misc. steve harington headcanons trigger warnings for: ptsd, childhood neglect, disordered eating, body image mention, scars mention.

steve was twelve the first time his parents went on vacation without him, a trip spurred by his father’s latest affair, it was the first time he found out about the affairs and kicked off at his father for it, so as punishment he was left home with a babysitter who was only four years his senior and who left him alone for half of the two-week trip.

the following year there was no babysitter, and he was left alone a month this time, with only the cleaning lady for company on tuesday’s and friday’s. he would get super spooked about noises in the house, and obsessively check that the windows and doors were all locked. most nights he would sleep in the living room with the TV on for background noise to drown out any weird house sounds.

steve can cook, not master chef levels of cooking but he’s decent at it, he taught himself since he hated relying on take out and junk food when his parents were away. he likes to cook for robin and the kids when they come over. steve has a lot of disordered eating behaviours that he doesn’t recognise as such, and fully believes he’s just health conscious. but his strict exercise routines and eating habits suggest otherwise - i won’t go any further into this for my own sake and trigger myself but - yeah steve has disorder eating and orthorexic tendencies when it comes to his relationship with food.

steve has undiagnosed ptsd, from the last four years of fighting literally monsters and the whole life fighting imaginary ones in his own mind, largely thanks to his father. he suffers from panic attacks and bad anxiety whenever he is on his own, he started having panic attacks as a kid, and they never really went away, they were never as bad until after barb and the demogorgon at the Byers house. after that night steve had nightmares every night for a month, sometimes the demogorgan got nancy, sometimes jonathan, sometimes everyone. he always wakes himself up screaming.

he can barely face going into his pool, after he found out what really happened that night with barb, it haunts him, he blames himself for being stupid and selfish and thinking with his dick, swimming use to be his outlet, he was swim captain his junior and senior year, and yet, now he can barely bring himself to step foot in the pool, but the kids do -- when he has them over in summer, and that helps a little, the drag him in one day, and he realises he can handle it with his friends there, but he’ll never go in the pool alone.

the nightmares were worse after he was drugged and kidnapped by the russians, him and robin have only really talked about it drunk one night at his place a couple of months after it happened, they both ended up emotionally overwhelmed, cried, cuddled and fell asleep on steve’s sofa. after the russians he started getting terrible headaches too, robin suggested it could be from the head trauma, he thinks she might be right but he’s never gone to have it checked out.

after they fail to defeat vecna his nightmares gets worse, his sleeping is practically non-existent, robin notices, she stays over at his place most nights, knows that he sleeps better when he isn’t alone but that he’s too stubborn to ask, doesn’t want to be a burden. eventually, after a month of barely sleeping robin forces him to go to the doctors and he gets sleeping pills, they don’t work great, but they help a little.

steve has scars after his encounters with the demobats and the vines that almost sucked the life out of him in the upside down, the worst is probably the one on his neck, already present from the demobat attack but made worse by the vines, but the time it heals there is a thick 2 inch scar at the very front of his neck, and on the left side an almost ‘y’ shaped scar that wraps halfway around, with two smaller ones at the back on his neck. but it's the scars on his abdomen that he hates the most, there are six of them in total, 4 on his left side, 2 on his right, they’re mottled and ache like a bitch when he’s cold, the two on his right got infected and took weeks to heal. whenever he looks in a mirror they are all he can focus on, how ugly they are, and how ugly the memories attached to them are, they remind him of how terrified he was in the upside down; how his friends got hurt because of his stupid plan.

#❛ so you think you know me ❜ [ headcanons; steve harrington ]#THESE HURT ME #TW ED mention #tw childhood neglect

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set-phasers-to-whump · 2 years

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hii there! do you have any whump lists or whump fanfics recommendations for Evan Buckley from 9-1-1?

hi! idk if a whump list exists but i would recommend checking out the whumpapedia, off the top of my head 2x18 and 3x01-03ish come to mind though. i'm an eddie whump man myself but i have read a few buck whump fics, i'll list them for you here (under a readmore bc some of the summaries are super long lol). also just as a disclaimer i read most of these a While ago and my notes on many of them aren't super descriptive so there may be some not very whumpy or not very good fics in here but like. this is what i've got lol. hope you like some of them!

Adrift by myemergence. summary: After Buck and Christopher get swept away in the tsunami, Buck struggles to keep Christopher safe. Buck tries to help as many people as possible and saves countless lives. What happens when he loses Christopher, one of the people in the world that means the most to him and how will he ever explain it to Eddie? ** “Wha-what do you mean he vanished? Where is Christopher now?” Eddie chokes out. Buck reaches out to grab the tent to balance himself. “I-I don’t know, Eds. I’m not going to stop looking. We will find him.” Buck feels the walls closing in around him now, the anxiety that has been swelling in his chest all day threatens to suffocate him and he gasps for air. “You lost him?” Eddie takes a step back, the tears that have been welling in his eyes finally breaking loose.

Another Head Hangs Lowly, Child Is Slowly Taken... and the Violence Causes Silence (Who Are We Mistaken?) by Huntress8611. summary: “Buck, how we doing?” Hen asked, crouching next to him. “Uh, kinda numb,” he grunted. That wasn’t exactly the truth, and his vision swam as Hen inserted two IVs, the pain in his leg getting worse by the second.

Baby Buckaroo by Delilah2040. summary: Buck keeps having nightmares and so he calls the one person he knows he can rely on. Athena comes to the conclusion that her husband must be cheating on her after mysterious phone calls lead Bobby to rush out in the middle of the night.

Before Something Breaks that Cannot be Fixed by jasperthewriter. summary: Five minor injuries, and one hospital visit. Five snapshots into Buck and Eddie's lives and relationship, and one time Eddie almost lost Buck. "Tell Chris I love him, ok Eddie?” “Tell him yourself,” Eddie says shortly. “We’re almost there.” “I love you too.” Buck says.

Better by patrocchilles. summary: When Eddie finally tears his eyes away from the television, his face is twisted almost as if in pain. He meets Buck’s gaze, searching for some kind of answer, and Buck is terrified of what he might find. “Can you explain this to me?” Eddie implores, voice gruff and filled with a desperation that startles Buck. Buck can’t speak, or look away, or even blink. He feels frozen, fear like ice in his veins juxtaposed with the burning sensation in his throat and lungs. It’s getting harder to breathe and he thinks he might be having a panic attack, but he has to say something, because Eddie won’t stop looking at him and he doesn’t know how much more of this deafening silence he can take. “I’m sorry, I-” Buck whispers, and then lowers his voice even further, if it’s even possible, “I didn’t want you to see this.”

Bloodbuzz by Anonymous. summary: Buck may have found Maddie, but he is not all right. So Eddie takes him home. (Coda to 2x13, "Fight or Flight")

Broken Silence by datleggy. summary: combined prompts asking for quiet Buck trying to stay out of everyone's way after the lawsuit--he and Maddie get hurt but he thinks they won't care, because of how they've been treating him lately, so he doesn't say anything, but does request time off, and then comfort ensues!

Catch me when I fall by HaleyBuckley. summary: Missing Evan Buckley scene from 3x03 after Buck finds Eddie at the VA hospital (because the fire fam should have been with him more and taken care of him)

Dunk Tank Duty by datleggy. summary: Prompt: after the lawsuit Buck is alienated. It's summer so the firehouse is hosting a charity event for kids. One attraction is the dunk tank and without thinking Bobby orders Buck to do it What they don't realize is that Buck's not over the tsunami. They all dunk him, Eddie the most, but don't notice. Chris is the one who notices and yells "Stop Daddy Buck's scared! Stop it!" Buck runs to Chris and they cling to each other. Chris and a bunch of kids say "You're all mean!" Cue the devastation.

Falling but already Fallen by DarkFairytale. summary: Buck coughed back to consciousness, choking on the dust and debris that hung thick in the air. The motion jarred his right side; the side he was laying on, the side he’d landed on, and even as the winded pain forced him to curl in on himself until the coughs subsided, the only thought on his mind was Eddie.

First Impressions by Wildspringflower06. summary: “You’ve been ignoring me for nearly a decade Evan you’ll have to grow up eventually.” “I’m not-” Buck started, but quickly lowered his voice, “I’m not ignoring you. I just don’t have time right now, I have to work.” Eddie stood from the couch and started slowly walking towards the stairs, he didn’t like the way his friend was acting, and the older man was setting off all sorts of alarm bells in the back of his mind. “Oh you have to work do you? Big important firefighter that you are.” The man jeered, clearly amused.

Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst by OpheliaPending. summary: It'd been two weeks since anyone had heard from Buck. Then the 118 get on a call and Eddie just about loses his mind.

i thought i lost you by smartbuckley. summary: given from the following prompt: Buck is back with the team but they are giving him the cold shoulder, especially Eddie. Buck just bears it and hopes. What no one knows is that Buck’s lawyer is plotting to take Buck out for not taking the money. He hires people to lure Buck into a trap and it seems to work, everyone thinking Buck was blown to bits or lost some other way. Eddie is beside himself. Athena is on call when she hears and goes on the warpath, pulling of a car matching Buck’s. Guess who’s behind the wheel?

It's Ok Now by datleggy. summary: On his day off, Buck takes Christopher to the doctor--just for a cold, no big deal--until it suddenly might be and Buck is alone and nobody is picking up their phone.

Lay You Down by Pline. summary: Buck is sick and can't be left alone in his feverish state, but everyone is working. Everyone but Athena.

made up my mind i'm (leaving) my baby by ShyAudacity. summary: Somehow, Buck manages to not profess his overwhelming, universe sized crush to the whole city of Los Angeles- or Eddie, for that matter. He keeps his feelings in check; he hangs out with Eddie and Christopher when the two of them are off-shift just enough to make it seem friendly and not like Buck is holding back on the biggest secret he’s ever kept. It’s fine, he tells himself. Eddie has Christopher and half a wife to worry about. I don’t need to jump in giving him more to deal with. He’s got enough on his plate right now as it is. He’ll be fine without me. I got along just fine before I knew him, I can keep doing it now. OR A universe where too much distance between soulmates (after they’ve met) can cause one or both of them to become very ill (especially if one of them is pining or not being honest about their true feelings).

My Stability by autumnchills. summary: After months of surgeries and rehab, Buck has made it back to where he was, something that still amazes the doctors. That all goes down the drain the moment he starts coughing. — Eddie’s POV in 3x01 and how he reacts to Buck coughing up blood.

never just a wave by thisissirius. summary: Buck’s hand is clenching and unfurling against his knee, like he’s not conscious of it, and Eddie reaches across the center console, taking Buck’s hand in his own. He only means to stop the movement in the corner of his eye, but Buck jerks, head snapping up, and he wrenches his hand out from under Eddie’s, breath coming in quick gasps. “Easy,” Eddie says, guilt welling in his chest, trying to keep his attention on the road and on Buck. “I’m sorry.” Buck’s voice cracks when he says, “No, I’m sorry.”

Not Alone by datleggy. summary: Prompt: after the drama with the lawsuit Buck is back but the team are cold and distant or even hostile. Buck tries not to let it get to him but he misses them, especially Eddie who just glares at him. This treatment slowly starts to ware down Buck’s hope that they would all reconcile eventually. It leads to Buck either asking for a transfer or doing something worse. Either way the team, especially Bobby and Eddie realize they let things fester to long. Put as much angst into this as you can!

Not Enough by datleggy. summary: I saw a post- I can't remember where, though, sorry -about the dosed episode and how Bobby hallucinated his daughter and what if Buck had hallucinated something from his past (maybe something not so good?) too and I was just wondering if, whenever you get the chance, you could maybe write a fic based on this, please? (and I know that half the team was drugged along w him, but maybe after they've all sobered, there's some Fire Fam feels and comfort?) absolutely no worries if not! have a good day!

Of Bikes and Concussions by datleggy. summary: Buck gets into an accident on his way to work in the morning, and before he can explain why he's late, he gets thoroughly chewed out and the rest of his day goes way downhill from there.

Snap, Crackle, Pop. by wolfypuppypiles. summary: Eddie pulled his phone out of his pocket, standing to answer its ringing call. “Hey, Buck.” “Dad.” Eddie spun on his heel, smile warming up his chest at his son’s voice. “Hey, buddy. Where’s Buck? You guys having fun?” “We fell.” AKA Buck gets hurt and its Christopher who has to save him

So Open up My Eyes, Tell Me I'm Alive by Huntress8611. summary: “Christopher!” he called, stumbling down the street. “Christopher!”

The Meaning of Family by MadalineGrace. summary: Buck couldn’t help the wince as he caught his reflection in the mirror. The face that stared back at him was pale and drawn, with the only color coming from the red in his cheeks and the dark rings around his eyes. Even his lips were trembling faintly. It was fine. He was fine. He just needed to sleep this off for a few hours and he’d be okay. If only the room would stop spinning and his body could decide on a temperature...

the worth of things by thisissirius. summary: Sitting on the edge of a cot he thinks about going home. It’s probably the best option, but Christopher’s still out there and Buck’s not going to leave him to suffer alone. He’s not. His arm will be fine, he just needs to keep going.

there's a grief that can't be spoken by ShyAudacity. summary: For someone who said he wanted to talk he’s not saying much. After a minute, Bobby finally prompts him. “Buck,” he says, gently. “What was it you wanted to talk about?” Buck looks almost startled when he looks up again- like he forgot Bobby was even in the room with him. It takes Buck another second but he finally says: “…my dad just died.” It comes out more like a question than a statement and Bobby swears that all the air and light leaves the room in a second. That’s not where he expected this conversation to go- not even close. “Oh, God, Buck, I’m- I’m sorry.” OR Buck is having A Bad Day and Bobby is there for him when he needs it.

what if i surrender (and give in) by chthonicheart. summary: “'Hey, man'?” Eddie repeats, and the weight of disbelief in his tone is the only thing that drowns out the latent anger. “Really? Why the hell are you even here, Buck?”

When I'm With You by stellarmeadow. summary: He’d always kind of expected if Buck ran into Abby again it would be a little bit of a train wreck, given the way she’d left, and the way Buck’s emotions tended to run all over the place. He just hadn’t expected it to be an actual train wreck. Buck hadn’t said much after they’d finished up at the site of the wreck. He’d been silent in the truck, staring out the window. They were all exhausted, which meant a quiet ride anyway, which made Buck’s silence easier to miss. Unless you were looking very closely. A soft knock at the front door had him running to answer it before a louder knock followed. He opened the door to find Buck standing on the other side, hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans, like a kid who’d missed curfew. “Can I come in?”

Worth the Risk by 8ucky8arnes. summary: [9-1-1 Dispatcher]: 9-1-1 what’s your emergency? [Caller]: Doug…he-he stabbed Buck. He stabbed Evan and he…he’s still in the house. A rewrite of "Fight or Flight" where Buck was stabbed instead of Chimney.

You Won't Ever Be Alone (Coda 3x03) by RavensCAT. summary: Buck tries to tell Eddie he lost his son. Christopher shows up. The lady doesn't trust Eddie and will only give him to Buck. Eddie takes both his boys home and takes care of them.

#ask #i say things #fic rec #911 #evan buckley #hopefully the links work lmao #anon

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ash-and-books · 1 year

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Rating: 5/5

Book Blurb: What starts out as a fake wedding date turns into something these childhood enemies never expected in The Plus One, a sparkling romantic comedy by Mazey Eddings.

She’s not looking to fix him. She’s looking to love him, if he’ll let her in.

Some facts are indisputable. The sun rises in the east, sets in the west. Gravity exits. Indira doesn’t like Jude. Jude doesn’t like Indira. But what happens when these childhood enemies find the only thing they can rely on is each other?

On paper, Indira has everything together. An amazing job, a boyfriend, and a car. What more could a late twenty-something ask for? But when she walks in on her boyfriend in an amorous embrace with a stranger, that perfect on paper image goes up in flames.

Jude has nothing together. A doctor that’s spent the last three years traveling the world to treat emergencies and humanitarian crises, a quick trip home for his best friend’s wedding has him struggling to readjust.

Thrust into an elaborate (and ridiculously drawn out) wedding event that’s stressing Jude beyond belief and has Indira seeing her ex and his new girlfriend far more frequently than any human should endure, the duo strike a bargain to be each other’s fake dates to this wedding from hell. The only problem is, their forced proximity and fake displays of affection are starting to feel a bit…real, and both are left grappling with the idea that a situation that couldn’t be worse, is made a little better with the other around.

Review:

Childhood enemies reunite years later only to discover that there just might be something between them. Indira has a perfect life on paper: an amazing job, a boyfriend, and a car... except she’s just walked into said boyfriend hooking up with a stranger in their place and he locked up her cat? Yeah relationship over. In order to recoup, she decides to stay with her brother and his fiancee for a while... but what she doesn’t expect is to run into her childhood enemy who just happens to be back in town for her brother’s wedding. Jude is a doctor, he’s spent the last three years traveling the world to treat emergencies and humanitarian crises and made a trip back home for his best friend’s wedding... except he’s barely hiding the fact that he is most definitely not okay. Jude is cracking under the pressure of his job, he suffers from extreme PTSD, has sensory overloads, and is riddled with guilt, anxiety, and trauma. He’s not okay and the only person who seems to notice and actually see him is the one person he least expected, his best friend’s little sister, Indira. Indira and Jude can barely be in a room together without bickering and fighting... yet underneath the arguing is something more, something safe and soft. Both Jude and Indira are now living in the same space and when Jude notices that Indira’s cheating ex... who just happens to be the fiancee’s cousin is also attending the wedding with the woman he cheated on her with he offers her a bargain: they pretend to be each other’s fake dates to the wedding and in exchange Indira will help him because for some reason she’s the only thing that’s been helping him feel grounded lately. Both Indira and Jude are dealing with heavy baggages and they both know that there is something between them, but can they overcome their pains and differences to embrace the affection that started off fake but has grown to be something more between them? This was an absolute gem of a book, filled with cute rom com moments as well as angst and such heart breaking moments. I cried, I’m gonna be honest, I cried while reading this because it was just so deep and wonderful and heart wrenching. I’m gonna say it, Jude and Indira are my favorite couple from this series, and while we get cameos of the other couples and friends from the previous books, it was such an amazing read. I adored the way Jude and Indira constantly fought for each other, they fought for their love and their relationship, and it was glorious. Please add this to your tbr immediately!!!

*Thanks Netgalley and St. Martin's Press, St. Martin's Griffin for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

#book review #bookish #book #romance read #romance book #mazey eddings

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littleloversnymphgirl · 2 years

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Why does he have to be mean to me. He can’t just face his fears. He can’t stop running. He can’t just stop for one second and appreciate everything we’ve been through. He can’t just be there for me. I need you. I know as a dismissive attachment style my anxiety scares you. You like to rely on yourself that’s what you’re used to to keep you safe. But you opened up to me you made love to me. You’re the only person while didn’t make me feel like a failure and when you didn’t want to be with me. Change is scary for you facing your fears feel even worse. You’re comfortable where you are. But I know you want me I feel it through our touch through you showing up through love making in a general sense. I know you first instinct is to run when you feel like your space and freedom has been invaded you’re constantly pushing away from the love that loves you the most. Dismissive avoidant, maybe you want a more superficial love surface level. Or maybe you do really want this you’re just pushing away. Because I’m pushing close and I keep pushing but that how I know how to get my “needs” met and you know how to by being independent. If I had no flaws would you love me then. I thought you loved me no matter what. That’s what love is not perfection but a feeling, compassion, history, passion, overcoming fears so that you can feel safe no matter what because you know someone loved you unconditionally. Why me why did you have to love me the most just to get close to me and then push me away because I’m too close. I’ll cut my hair off pretend I’m a guy. Just for you to feel safe around me. I don’t want to trigger your childhood wounds. Even when I held you on my chest you pushed away. You push away a lot. But for the first time. It felt like it didn’t happen but you woke up in the middle of the night just to make out with me. That shows me that even if you’re a dismissive avoidant you’ve come a long way in healing from it. And you love me. I love you I want you to come back when you remember that. When you appreciate it. I want to try to show you I can handle it. I can make you feel safe. I can believe you love me no matter what your attachment style says. While they’re okay with losing you and giving you miles of space. I’m not okay with losing you and so want to make you feel safe and going slow trusting that no matter what your needs are you love me. I want to hear from you to look in your eyes to put your head on my chest again to buy you dunkin. Please reach out to me. Not because you have to not because it doesn’t feel safe but because you know we love each other and “love conquers all”. That’s what you told me. I’ll do anything to fix things. I’ll do more. And I know you’re a pessimist but this isn’t the first time I was right about something. You’re also right though being careful matters.

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 2 years

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Me. Him. You. No. Prt 3

What if Keith and Lance had been dating and after talking about it, they decided that maybe they’d like to try dating Shiro too? Lance is of course not sure, but Keith… he’d do anything for Keith and two alphas couldn’t be too bad… especially not when one of them had been his hero. Suuuuuper Toxic relationship turned better when Lance realises some truths. Set when we have Kuron… I’m a simp for Kuron belittling Lance because he knows Lance is the heart of the team, but when it’s like super subliminal seeing Shiro doesn’t know he’s a clone. No thanks canon, you’re nastier than Zarkon’s cockring.

Sent to bed by Hunk, Lance was loathe to admit that he did maybe feel sick. Lying on Keith’s side of the bed, he hadn’t thrown up yet, but the bucket was right there as his stomach refused to settle. Keith had covertly shot him thumbs up when he’d come back from talking to Shiro, meaning that he’d talked to him, taking a lot of Lance’s anxieties off his shoulders. With them waiting and watching, Keith dobbing him into all of them meant Hunk went all “Hunkly” and rolled over to sit next to him, immediately feeling for the fever Lance seemed to have. Meaning everyone else got to sit up, but he was sent to bed. He’d promised to tell Keith if he felt worse, and he really hadn’t until he’d laid down.

Hearing the door to his room open, Lance didn’t need to open his eyes to know it was Keith. He loved Keith’s room, he felt safe there, yet he seemed to usually choose his when he was either exhausted or sick. Probably because his omega saw it as a safe place seeing he’d been able to have his heats in his room without anything happening. Leaving the main light off, Keith moved over to sit himself on the very edge of Lance’s bed. Relying on the glow strip along the bottom of the bed and his senses to prevent tripping.

Reaching out to rest his hand on Lance’s shoulder, Keith kissed his cheek. Not content with not holding his alpha, Lance pulled him against him the best he could. Keith chuckling lightly as he kissed Lance’s cheek twice more

“How are you feeling, my omega?”

“Worse now I’m lying down… I didn’t feel this bad before”

“Yeah? You said you’d tell me if you did”

“I was better sitting up… I probably just need to drop a log”

He wasn’t sure what end it wanted to come out, only that he felt like quiznak

“You’re gross as fuck, babe. Can I get you anything? Water? Some of those weird salty space crackers?”

He had the bestest alpha ever. Rolling onto his back, Keith helped his pathetic arse as he tried to sit up, before climbing over his legs to sit next to him. His alpha holding his hand with his right, like he wasn’t gross and possibly contagious

“Nah, I’m trying to sleep it off. Feels like a stomach bug or something. You probably shouldn’t be kissing me”

“It’ll take more than that. Maybe it was the stress?”

“Maybe… How’d it go?”

Slinging his arm over Lance’s shoulder, Keith wasn’t supposed to be settling in. He still had to go back to the bridge and monitor the situation

“Well, I screwed up the delivery”

“You blurted it out”

Keith hadn’t exactly suavely confessed to him either… but now Keith had asked Shiro, Lance didn’t think he really wanted to think about it

“I did. He said he needs to think about it, but I made sure that I explained we don’t want to rush and we want to take it super slow and get to see if there’s something there. You smell upset”

Immediately Lance’s omega flooded him with depression. When he was sick he liked to cling, but Keith had to go back to the others… including a certain alpha he’d just asked out

“My omega… doesn’t like the idea of you asking someone else out while I feel like shit. It’s doing it’s own thing again. I want to know, but I already feel sick and I don’t want it playing up. I’m sorry. I’m glad you talked to him. I felt really relieved”

“Babe, we’re going to go slow. Any time you don’t want to or change your mind, we stop and we talk about it. You are more than enough for me. Here, let me carry you to our room. I don’t like you being all alone”

“No. I still might hurl and I don’t want to hurl on your sheets. Besides, if I’m contagious we’ll be down two Paladins and we can’t afford that. I really am just going to try to get to sleep”

Keith carded his fingers through the side of Lance’s damp hair

“I’d ask you to leave your comms on, but you probably don’t feel like listening to us”

“Not really”

“Hey, I’m not replacing you. I’m not asking Shiro because you’re sick”

“I know. My omega gets kind of dumb when I’m sick. Remember the time we had space flu? I still don’t remember how I got to Allura’s bathtub, or how I stole her blankets”

“I remember. We both know Pidge won’t sleep until she finds something, so I’ll try roster shifts, and come back as soon as I can”

That sounded heavenly, but he really didn’t want Keith getting sick. Not if he was the cause or too ill to take care of him

“Stalker. You like watching me all sick and gross, don’t you?”

“I like you, idiot. If you’ve still got a fever in the morning, I’m going to get Coran to find something for it. I hate the idea of you suffering”

“Almost as much as I hate the idea of making you sick too. I’ll be okay. Don’t rush things to come back”

“Alright, my omega. Message received”

“Good. I’ll see you later, my love. I have a date with sleep”

“Mmm, sleep tight”

Being Keith, his alpha insisted on helping him lay back down before kissing his lips half a dozen times quickly. Lance wishing he hadn’t laid back down as he felt infinitely worse again. It felt like he’d barely laid down before he was vomiting… which didn’t make him feel better at all. Annoyingly, everyone other than him was probably right. He was probably stressing himself too much. Tomorrow he’d find out their plan to woo their new boyfriend… and there was no way Shiro was going to kiss him with vomit breath. Tomorrow he was going to charm the arse off Shiro… He was hot and amazing in bed, not to mention his amazing personality… he wouldn’t let a stomach bug stop him.

Playing with his fingerless gloves, Keith felt like he’d fucked up. No, he hadn’t known how sick Lance would be by the end of the night, yet that didn’t stop him feeling miserable at the idea this omega could possibly think for a second he’d drop him simply for being ill. He’d thought Lance would do that to him the first time he’d been sick, Lance had cried, smacked him, then hefted him into the shower and they hadn’t been dating then. Lance had been so much quieter, so anxious and always overthinking. He’d hid it by being loud, but that had made Keith want to hit him. Then again, he hadn’t been any better when they’d been launched into space. Feeling forever on the outside and like he’d never have anyone other than Shiro.

“Something on your mind, Bud?”

Keith nearly fell off his chair backwards as Hunk’s voice suddenly appeared to the left of him. He prided himself on his senses, but damn if he wasn’t so relaxed around Hunk that his guard didn’t work at all

“You scared the quiznak out of me”

“Sorry, man. Are you okay? You’re looking a little stabby… uh… Lance told me that… well, about that thing. Is it about that thing?”

Of course Lance told Hunk. Lance told Hunk almost everything, while respecting Keith’s privacy as he did

“Yes and no. He’s got a fever, so I’m worried, but I also do kind of hate this waiting thing”

“Waiting for what?”

“The Galra to do something. I almost wish Lotor was here so we could ask if we’re about to fuck things up”

“Oh, man. I know what you mean. Can I ask about… is it okay that Lance told me?”

“It was bound to come up eventually, especially if Shiro says yes. He said he’d think about it. I’m worried Lance is sick because he stressed himself into something he doesn’t want”

“I can say he doesn’t not want it, but he is like suuuuuuper nervous. I… don’t think he saw himself as a two alpha omega”

“I know… I felt so bad, but he said he’s interested in Shiro. Now he’s sick… I know I need to be up here, but I feel like I should be down there”

Lance had smelt ill, iller than he was letting on. They didn’t know why, but when Lance felt sick, his scent smelt like strawberries. His omega throwing up his hands and declaring his omega had a mind of its own. Nodding, Keith knew Hunk wouldn’t stop worrying, not surprised when the beta asked

“Should I go?”

“Nah, he wants to sleep. He called me a stalker when I said I’d go check on him”

“We both know he loves it when you do”

“I know. If I had the option I’d rather he be up here, but he needs rest in a proper bed”

A few moments passed before Hunk sighed heavily

“Sorry, Bud. It’s no good. I’m going to go check on him. Maybe get us some snacks… the again, Allura said no snacks on the bridge”

“It’s probably about dinner time. I think she can make an exception. Can you make something extra for Lance?”

Hunk deadpanned him hard

“No. Absolutely not. It did not cross my mind in the slightest”

Yeah. Keith deserved that one. He couldn’t help that his alpha worried for his omega, or that he’d said something pretty dumb because of it

“I’m being stupid. Sorry, I know you will”

If Hunk was sick then Lance cooked for him. Lance knew his way around a kitchen, according to him he’d been house trained like the rest of his siblings by his Mami, who’d said they were feral enough without knowing how to fend for themselves. Lance might not always get it right, but he never let his mess ups get to him, bullying Hunk into telling him everything he’d done wrong. Lance didn’t get the family recipe secret thing, but Hunk and Lance had a special bond about it that he didn’t need to get

“You’re allowed to be worried, but because I’m the best bro ever, I’ll send you a message and let you know if he’s awake or sleeping”

“You really are the best bro ever. Thanks, Hunk”

With Hunk vacating his side, Pidge took his place

“Spill. What’s going on?”

“Lance is sick, and you know Hunk”

“He’s still sick? Should we be worried?”

“I’m trying not be”

“If you want to go be with him, I’ve got it handled here”

“No. He kicked me out. Besides, who’s going to send you to bed if I’m not here?”

Pidge pushed him to the side, taking over his console

“We both know I could take you”

“Right. What are you doing?”

“Pulling up the castle feed from the corridor obviously”

“Hunk said he’d call”

“He’d call you. I wanna know what’s going on tooooooo. This waiting thing sucks more than an open airlock. Like, they’re the bad guys, why can’t the be more obvious in their bad?”

Pidge was snarky. A clear sign their gremlin needed feeding and a nap. Lance had told him what to look for, having noticed it long before he had

“How much sleep did you get last night?”

“Enough to steadily castrate you if you ask again”

“Fair enough. Hunk said he’d make snacks once he’s checked on Lance”

“And get in trouble with Allura? No thanks”

“I’ll stay up here while you guys grab something to eat. Then go get dinner and check in on Lance”

Pulling up the feed, they waited and watched as Hunk walked down the hallway. Keith totally felt like he was spying, Pidge leaning right in

“You know, I kind of miss him when it’s like this. He’d be making jokes”

“I know. He says my jokes are shit”

“That’s because they’re as bad as his. Man, I hope he’s not contagious”

“That’s why he kicked me out. He said we can’t afford two sick Paladins”

“Pffft we both know he wanted you to stay. Idiot put the mission first. And speaking of missions, what happened between you and Shiro?”

“What do you mean?”

“You were staring really hard, then you zoned out, then you dragged him out. Hunk and Lance have been whispering about something all day”

Keith’s comms beeped, saving him from answering. He knew Pidge must feel on the outside, but he didn’t really want it getting around that he’d asked Shiro out because he didn’t want Shiro to feel pressured. Answering Hunk’s call, Keith knew Pidge wouldn’t let it drop

“Hey, Hunk”

Hunk sounded panicked

“Uh, dude. Lance is burning up. He’s thrown up heaps and he’s really hot. I think he needs Coran”

Keith’s heart dropped to somewhere near his stomach. He shouldn’t have left Lance…

“Bring him to the medbay, we’ll meet you there. Coran, medbay, now! Lance is sick!”

Coran came too from where he seemed to be dozing in the corner as Keith nearly tripped over Pidge trying to get to the medbay faster than his brain could compute

“Hmmm? What? Invaders? I’ll give ‘em the old one-two!”

“No, Lance is burning up. Hunk’s bringing him up. Pidge, you coming?”

Free of Pidge, Keith didn’t stop as he yelled back over his shoulder making straight for the bridge door

“No, I’ll stay here and keep watching. You go. Call me as soon as you know what’s happening”

“Will do”

Given the medbay’s proximity to the bridge, Keith and Coran arrived before Hunk. His alpha wanted to go find the pair, but there wasn’t exactly he could do to speed things along

“Keith, before Hunk gets here, were there any symptoms that stand out? What he did today that was different?”

“Nothing. We woke up, showered, talked about the mission. He had breakfast with Hunk, and that’s about it. He’s not due for his heat… He had a low fever, but wanted to sleep it off”

“You two didn’t fight? Or anything like that? I noticed you both seemed a little out of it”

Coran’s tone didn’t help. Coran clearly knew something was up with him, Lance, and Shiro…

“No. We didn’t. Lance was a little stressed today, but not enough for him to be throwing up and burning up with a fever”

“You know you’re all very important to me. You and Lance have been very good for each other…”

They were still in the ridiculously happy stage of their relationship and they both knew it. It had been far easier than Keith had thought it’d be falling into his relationship with Lance. He’d spent a lot of time agonising over the possibility that Lance would never see him as more than a best friend

“Me and Lance are still solid. And we’re all good with Shiro too…”

Both of them stopped as the medbay door opened, Hunk carrying Lance straight over to the examination table. His omega drenched in sweat and his face filled with pain. Not how Keith had left him at all. Lying Lance down, Hunk moved out the way so Keith could take Lance’s hand

“Oh, babe…”

Hunk filling them in

“He’s not really conscious. He was crying out for you in his sleep, but I can’t get him to pay attention… and he threw up a lot. Do you think it’s something he ate?”

Bringing the hand held scanner over, Coran sighed softly at the state of Lance. He might love them all, but Allura and Lance were like his own children. Lance seemed to be the only one who didn’t go insane when Coran started off on a long winded story of his past, and Keith had seen exactly how open Lance was when he’d brought him into sit down with Coran and discuss contraceptives

“I’m not sure, Hunk. Now let’s take a little looksie here”

Running the scanner up and down Lance’s body, his omega whimpered in his sleep as Coran frowned at the screen. Maybe all of this was because he’d asked Shiro out after all?

“What does it say?”

“A case of the sveavels. What did Lance have for breakfast?”

What the quiznak were sveavels?

“We make pancakes while we talked about Shay”

“Ah, did he ingest any of the batter raw?”

Keith groaned. Of course Lance would have. ..

“So he’s got food poisoning?”

Coran’s mood brightened as he walked over to the bench to the put the scanner away

“No, no. The eggs of the sveavel got into his stomach. They must have infested the pantry. Nasty little blighters, no bigger than your fingernail. Feed on stress once they’re in there. Heat kills the eggs. Not to worry, I’ll give him a shot and he would have thrown the worst of it up. A quintant or two and he’ll be right as rain. You two should probably have one too, just to make sure you’re all tickity boo!”

Keith didn’t appreciate Coran’s happiness over Lance’s condition, but he did appreciate they could do something about it easily. His poor omega had had a long enough day as it was

“Is it going to hurt him?”

“He’ll be uncomfortable until they pass out his system. I suspect we won’t notice the difference. He’s very good at acting like everything is fine. Not worry though. There’ll be no lasting effects. Though I would recommend checking the castle pantry”

Hunk sniffled behind him, Keith turning to him, finding him in tears

“Hunk, you’re not to blame”

“My cooking made him sick”

“Dude, he loves your pancakes. And you know he’s a spoon licker. You’re not to blame. This isn’t your fault. It’s Lance’s shocking lack of control around your baking coming back to bite him. He’d be crying too if he could see you crying”

“I don’t know I didn’t see this sveavels… I checked the ingredients”

“And Lance is going to be okay. And I bet this isn’t going to affect his love of your pancakes or you at all. Coran, how long before you have those injections ready?”

Hunk wouldn’t stop worrying until Lance was back on his feet. If he wasn’t going to listen to Keith, then he could at least listen to Coran

“Give me a couple of doboshes. We have everything we need. Our young Keith is right, you’re not to blame, number two”

“But he looks so sick and he was so stressed over Shiro”

So much for not telling anyone. Now Hunk had put his foot in it. Coran humming

“Hmmm? What’s this about Shiro?”

Keith picked his words carefully

“Hunk just means that Lance thought he upset Shiro earlier. You know how he gets when he thinks he’s upset someone”

“I do and I know when you all think you’re hiding something. Never mind, now, roll up his shirt for me”

“Why?”

“Where do you think the injection needs to go?”

Keith could have happily lived without seeing the length of the needle Coran inserted into Lance’s stomach… which seemed three times the length of the one used on him and Hunk. Sitting with his boyfriend’s hand still in his, he didn’t like that Lance’s fever still looked painful

“How long will it take?”

“Oh, up to a varga. He’ll be fine to move after that. Both of you two need to take it slow too, but your dose was milder. Why don’t you sit here with him? I’ll tell the others what happened”

“Thanks, Coran. See, Hunk. Nothing to worry about”

Hunk didn’t look convinced. If he worried his pointer fingers together anymore, Keith wasn’t sure they wouldn’t stick to each other

“Hunk, do you want to hold his hand?”

Hunk shook his head

“Nah, Bud. I’ll leave you two to it. I’ve got to clean the pantry out”

Keith knew Hunk shouldn’t be on his own…

“Why don’t you go get Pidge? She can give you a hand with figuring out the pantry stuff. Shiro, Allura and Coran can manage surveillance, and I think you could both use a friend. She was worried about Lance too”

“What about you?”

“I’ll stay with Lance. If he wakes up feeling better then I’ll take him to our room. If something else happens, I’ll call. Don’t beat yourself up”

“Okay, man…”

“Hey, no one is mad at you. You do an amazing job in the kitchen, and we all appreciate it. Besides, if we have to replace stuff, Lance is always up for a trip to the space mall”

“Yeah. Thanks, Keith”

“You don’t need to thank me. I should be thanking you for bringing him up”

“It’s okay… he scared the quiznak out of me”

“Yep. That sounds like our Lance. You guys go, I’ve got this”

Keith waited all three ticks before climbing up next to Lance once Coran and Hunk had left. Careful as he wrapped his arm around his omega, Keith nosed into Lance’s damp hair. The bed really not made for two, but it wasn’t the first time they’d both squeezed onto it. Lance was going to be so mad at being taken out by what sounded like evil space weevils… it’d already been a long quintant and they still had vargas to go until it finally ended.

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what-if-nct · 4 months

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(cw // mentions of sh in case anyone is triggered)

hii it’s christmas where i live meaning it’s probably not christmas for you (unless you waited hours to finally reply back) but i just wanna say merry christmas and thank you for being there with me during my hard and mentally draining days. it’s so hard being on social media without bumping into negativity such as real life news, people debating about bare minimum things such as rights for body autonomy, gay rights, etc, and especially for my case, being shunned by a community of people i thought were friends simply for talking about jonghyun on my posts that solely rely on users to create posts in order for the app to work.

while i wish i don’t want to be super negative all the time, this was exactly how i felt this year. i felt violated, stripped from my pride and tormented — yet i’m expected to be happy all the time and put up a brave face all the time.

the truth is, i hated turning 18 because i couldn’t bare the responsibility of being considered an adult at the face of the law, when i had my childhood partially taken away from me. nobody was there during my mental breakdowns. just because it wasn’t 2022 anymore, doesn’t mean i didn’t face cyber bullying and faced targeted harassment simply for talking about my bias just like any other kpop fan, and people liked to downplay it by telling me to “keep it to myself.” i didn’t get to do my dream course at my new college due to my grade, and i felt so fucking shit because i’ve done everything in my willpower just to get the same score 3 years in a row, nobody took my mental breakdown seriously. i was sexually harassed and taken advantaged of by several men, because they did not respect my boundaries, used me as my drunken self, and tried to contact me via twitter acting like a kpop fan from london in the comments, when he was a 25 year old man who only saw me for my body. i was overwhelmed with the way the job centre was treating me and making me feel worse for simply asking a question to prevent email spams by sending me to a centre that could help me get to know the basics of using technology. i had a job, but got scammed for 2 weeks worth of work and i never got paid. i lost £500 which i rightfully worked my ass for, even almost passing out due to walking upstairs and having my feet ache over the constant standing for 8 hours for 3 days a week. i never got to go to france and meet my cousins. it’s sucks because i was planning this since summer and i’ll never be able to go since my parents took the only savings i had to go to africa for a month due to how expensive plane tickets are. i even got fucking pregnant and not to mention, my mum started to act weird around me… and just the way i was treated after turning into an adult… i don’t really wanna go there.

i know it has been a long year, but idk if it’s gonna change at all or if it’s gonna get worse. i just wanted to have a peace of mind for once. that’s literally my wish for 2024. i just want to be free, to have amazing friends, having a normal life, just like everyone else so i don’t have to always compare myself to people on snapchat who show off their day or shout out their friends for their birthdays. i wish i could get rid of my anxiety symptoms, because now notifications, messages (especially pending ones) and anything that shows a number next to an icon would get me really fucking nervous that it would be a harassing message. i just don’t want guys to take advantage of me, i just want a loyal and sweet first boyfriend/girlfriend that is genuinely there and physically as well as emotionally. i just feel like i’m missing out on life just because some stupid systemic ableism in the uk where i was forced to learn at home and be in a special needs class, which can explain why i’m socially awkward and don’t know how to be a normal friend.

basically saying… i just want to be happy. (i’m so sorry for the vent i didn’t expect it to be this long loooool)

Merry Christmas!! there's about 10 minutes till Christmas for me. I am so sorry that this past year has been so hard on you. And its horrible that you had to endure all of that I can't even imagine how hard it's been for you. You deserve so much better than what you've received. You deserve respect, care, love, understanding and you deserve happiness and it breaks my heart you've been treated like this by so many people. I just send you the biggest hug and I'm proud of you, I know life has been hard but I'm proud of you for continuing. And I can't promise when, but things will get better and one day before you know it you will have the happiness you want and deserve and I will always be here to listen and talk to you.

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