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literary-illuminati · 4 months

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2024 Book Review #4 – War in Human Civilization by Azar Gat

This is my first big history book of the year, and one I’ve been rather looking forward to getting to for some time now. Its claimed subject matter – the whole scope of war and violent conflict across the history of humanity – is ambitious enough to be intriguing, and it was cited and recommended by Bret Devereaux, whose writing I’m generally a huge fan of. Of course, he recommended The Bright Ages too, and that was one of my worst reads of last year – apparently something I should have learned my lesson from. This is, bluntly, not a good book – the first half is bad but at least interesting, while the remainder is only really worth reading as a time capsule of early 2000s academic writing and hegemonic politics.

The book purports to be a survey of warfare from the evolution of homo sapiens sapiens through to the (then) present, drawing together studies from several different fields to draw new conclusions and a novel synthesis that none of the authors being drawn from had ever had the context to see – which in retrospect really should have been a big enough collection of dramatically waving red flags to make me put it down then and there. It starts with a lengthy consideration of conflict in humanity’s ‘evolutionary state of nature’ – the long myriads between the evolution of the modern species and the neolithic revolution – which he holds is the environment where the habits, drives and instincts of ‘human nature’ were set and have yet to significantly diverge from. He does this by comparing conflict in other social megafauna (mostly but not entirely primates), archaeology, and analogizing from the anthropological accounts we have of fairly isolated/’untainted’ hunter gatherers in the historical record.

From there, he goes on through the different stages of human development – he takes a bit of pain at one point to disavow believing in ‘stagism’ or modernization theory, but then he discusses things entirely in terms of ‘relative time’ and makes the idea that Haida in 17th century PNW North America are pretty much comparable to pre-agriculture inhabitants of Mesopotamia, so I’m not entirely sure what he’s actually trying to disavow – and how warfare evolved in each. His central thesis is that the fundamental causes of war are essentially the same as they were for hunter-gatherer bands on the savanna, only appearing to have changed because of how they have been warped and filtered by cultural and technological evolution. This is followed with a lengthy discussion of the 19th and 20th centuries that mostly boils down to trying to defend that contention and to argue that, contrary to what the world wars would have you believe, modernity is in fact significantly more peaceful than any epoch to precede it. The book then concludes with a discussion of terrorism and WMDs that mostly serves to remind you it was written right after 9/11.

So, lets start with the good. The book’s discussion of rates of violence in the random grab-bag of premodern societies used as case studies and the archaeological evidence gathered makes a very convincing case that murder and war are hardly specific ills of civilization, and that per capita feuds and raids in non-state societies were as- or more- deadly than interstate warfare averaged out over similar periods of time (though Gat gets clumsy and takes the point rather too far at times). The description of different systems of warfare that ten to reoccur across history in similar social and technological conditions is likewise very interesting and analytically useful, even if you’re skeptical of his causal explanations for why.

If you’re interested in academic inside baseball, a fairly large chunk of the book is also just shadowboxing against unnamed interlocutors and advancing bold positions like ‘engaging in warfare can absolutely be a rational choice that does you and yours significant good, for example Genghis Khan-’, an argument which there are apparently people on the other side of.

Of course all that value requires taking Gat at his word, which leads to the book’s largest and most overwhelming problem – he’s sloppy. Reading through the book, you notice all manner of little incidental facts he’s gotten wrong or oversimplified to the point where it’s basically the same thing – my favourites are listing early modern Poland as a coherent national state, and characterizing US interventions in early 20th century Central America as attempts to impose democracy. To a degree, this is probably inevitable in a book with such a massive subject matter, but the number I (a total amateur with an undergraduate education) noticed on a casual read - and more damningly the fact that every one of them made things easier or simpler for him to fit within his thesis - means that I really can’t be sure how much to trust anything he writes.

I mentioned above that I got this off a recommendation from Bret Devereaux’s blog. Specifically, I got it from his series on the ‘Fremen Mirage’ – his term for the enduring cultural trope about the military supremacy of hard, deprived and abusive societies. Which honestly makes it really funny that this entire book indulges in that very same trope continuously. There are whole chapters devoted to thesis that ‘primitive’ and ‘barbarian’ societies possess superior military ferocity and fighting spirit to more civilized and ‘domesticated’ ones, and how this is one of the great engines of history up to the turn of the modern age. It’s not even argued for, really, just taken as a given and then used to expand on his general theories.

Speaking of – it is absolutely core to the book’s thesis that war (and interpersonal violence generally) are driven by (fundamentally) either material or reproductive concerns. ‘Reproductive’ here meaning ‘allowing men to secure access to women’, with an accompanying chapter-length aside about how war is a (possibly the most) fundamentally male activity, and any female contributions to it across the span of history are so marginal as to not require explanation or analysis in his comprehensive survey. Women thus appear purely as objects – things to be fought over and fucked – with the closest to any individual or collective agency on their part shown is a consideration that maybe the sexual revolution made western society less violent because it gave young men a way to get laid besides marriage or rape.

Speaking of – as the book moves forward in time, it goes from being deeply flawed but interesting to just, total dreck (though this also might just me being a bit more familiar with what Gat’s talking about in these sections). Given the Orientalism that just about suffuses the book it’s not, exactly, surprising that Gat takes so much more care to characterize the Soviet Union as especially brutal and inhumane that he does Nazi Germany but it is, at least, interesting. And even the section of World War 2 is more worthwhile than the chapters on decolonization and democratic peace theory that follow it.

Fundamentally this is just a book better consumed secondhand, I think – there are some interesting points, but they do not come anywhere near justifying slogging through the whole thing.

#book review #history #war in human civilization #azar gat

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sflow-er · 7 months

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Some thoughts on writing and posting fic

In the last few days, there have been some lovely posts by fic writers, encouraging an anon who was thinking of posting their first fic but worried about readership. That kind of got me thinking as well, especially as my magnum opus just reached a bit of a milestone on ao3:

Those 50,000 hits (and 1,151 kudos) blow me away, and I'm forever grateful for each and every one of them - but this isn't a post about that. It's a post about how there is no point in comparing these stats to my latest fic, which will take a while to even break 500 hits (and hopefully 50 kudos). Or any of my other fics, for that matter.

Below are some of my personal thoughts on fic writing, the factors that I believe affect the popularity of a fic, and the motivational impact of engagement. My perspective is obviously that of a niche writer, but I think these observations could also be of interest to new writers or anyone struggling with such comparisons. I'll put a cut here because this got very long, but the TL:DR is this:

I write for myself, not for my readers. I post for my readers, not for the numbers.

A quick bit of background info: I have a pretty long history of sharing my writing. When I was little, I used to make comics & picture books for my younger brother, and in secondary school, I used to write stories in my English notebooks that only my teacher ever got to read. In my teens, I wrote fanfic in a couple of obscure fandoms and even a novel-length original story. The readership was just a handful of people, including my closest Internet and IRL friends, and I was very happy with that.

Before YR came along, I had not managed to write a creative text in over a decade. My studies and work had put out the spark, and I thought it was gone for good. So when YR reignited it, I very much started writing for myself. I'm sure every writer knows that feeling of something taking shape in your head and begging to be let out, as well as the satisfaction of seeing it all come together on your screen. At least I really hope they do.

Still, I knew right off the bat that I wanted to share the fic. I didn't care how many people read it, I just really hoped someone would. I missed the feeling of seeing people get joy out of something I created and connecting with them through it. Especially as I didn't have any other outlet for my YR thoughts and feels at the time. I also wanted to contribute something to the fandom that helped me regain this long-lost part of myself - and of course I could use some encouraging feedback too.

So that was how my magnum opus started out, and because of the timing, it became more popular than I imagined. The fandom was young (I started posting in August 2021, S2 wasn't even confirmed until September) and everyone was just really hungry for more. The vast majority of fics were focused on Wilmon from the start, but people were interested in pretty much anything exploring the rich and still largely undiscovered world of the show. My fic was niche and I had neither the guts nor the platform to promote it, but many people still found it.

I consider myself unbelievably lucky to have started posting at such an opportune time. The fandom has evolved in these 2+ years, and things are quite different for authors starting out now.

For one thing, the chorus of writers has expanded as more people have discovered the show and been inspired by it. As wonderful as that is, it does make it harder for any single voice to stand out. I think promoting one's work in fandom spheres such as tumblr and writing compelling tags and descriptions on ao3 has probably become more important, and of course it also helps if you've got some existing readers who follow your work.

Because for another thing, the readership has changed. Some fans have either left entirely or only follow their favourite writers now, while others have joined. New fans tend to start with the fandom classics, other wonderful recommendations, or the fics with the most kudos or comments. Which makes a lot of sense when there are thousands of fics to choose from, but it inevitably puts newer and more obscure writers at a disadvantage. Furthermore, it feels as if the number of readers who prefer completed fics may have increased, as people have seen some fics get abandoned along the way (and they now have more completed works to choose from). Again, that's very understandable, but it can feel discouraging to multi-chap writers.

I also can't help but wonder if there's been a shift in the fandom's interests, especially since S2. There's more canon to follow or disregard now, and people have had more time to develop fanon and their personal headcanons. All that affects what they want to read.

For example, the developments in S2 may have put some people off certain characters/ships/dynamics or made them fall in love with others. They may have started curating their reading to their hopes and expectations for S3. Some might even favour AUs to avoid speculation or guarantee Wilmon endgame, or they might long for fics solely focused on Wilmon and their love after they spent so much of S2 apart. There's nothing wrong with any of these approaches - but they do curb the already lower interest in fics focused on other characters, gen fics, rarepairs, unusual takes, and so on

To circle back to the example of my first fic, it would not get that kind of engagement if I started posting it now. It might be more popular than my other fics thanks to Wilmon featuring prominently as side characters, but it would still be outsider POV. In fact, even readers interested in the characters I focused on might be deterred by, say, the slow burn and lack of sexual content (now that those characters are a more established non-canon side ship and there's more fic available).

In a lot of ways, it's paradoxical to even speculate on this. If I started my first fic now, it would either be a totally different story (compliant with S2), or it might not be finished at all. What those 50,000 hits don't tell you is that a large portion of them were people checking for updates. The project completely took over my life for 10 months, and I doubt I would've got through some of the rough patches without the wonderful readers who were excited to follow it as a WIP, even when my updates got sparse from all the stress. My other fics would either not exist at all or have far less engagement if it wasn't for the loyal readers left over from that first fic, and the first fic wouldn't have as many reads without all the people who have reread it (as I know some have). And of course it is now also benefiting from the large number of existing kudos.

Anyway. My point is that comparing stats is neither fair nor useful, and that doesn't just apply to my own fics or niche fics in general. Every fic is published at a certain point in time or over a certain period of time, in a fandom that is always in flux. The things that inspire us as writers may not align with the interests of the readers - or even if they do, the readers might not notice or be aware of it.

So the question is, how to reconcile the need to share your work and connect with people with the ever-changing odds of those people finding your work?

I'm not going to lie, sometimes it is extremely hard. I often feel really low and doubt myself a lot after posting, but I think I've made it to a point where I don't get too caught up on it anymore.

One key thing is to draw a distinction between the writing and posting. The writing itself should always be primarily for me, because it's my creative energy, time, and effort that goes into it. I should be able to retain that feeling of satisfaction and pride in the story itself, because if I hang my hopes on the audience and they simply don't find the fic, I will just feel like it was all wasted. The value of the fic and especially my value as a writer cannot be tied to anyone else's reaction or lack of it.

Still, the two distinct parts of the process are never completely separate for me. I'm sure they can be for some writers, but I do need that feeling of connecting with people through my creations, and the extra motivation to stick with the effort (to get through longer projects, or to start new ones).

So the second thing I do is, I try to hold on to the mindset I used to have as a kid or teen writing for my brother, my teacher, or my friends. To internalise that my readers aren't numbers on a screen, but real, human people who have taken an interest in this thing I've created. They've allowed me to share it with them and had thoughts on it (whether they put those in a comment or not). Maybe it was just a moment's diversion for them, or maybe it actually moved them. Either way, we connected for a while.

Here, I must acknowledge again that I am incredibly privileged. I've got a handful of regulars who have been reading me since August 2021, and another handful who have jumped on board along the way. Many of them not only read but also comment on what I post. Even that latest two-parter I mentioned at the start has 19 comment threads, and I'm fully aware of how rare and precious that is.

But the fact remains that the contrast to my first fic has still been an adjustment, and I find that thinking about engagement in terms of people rather than numbers has helped me put it into perspective.

I could never find a room full of people to read my writing in real life, but there they are, reading it on their phones or computers and leaving twenty hits on my fic. Every person leaving kudos is basically equivalent to my teacher returning my notebook with that single check mark that meant "I read this and I enjoyed it." As for the individual comments, they aren't too different from my very small group of friends in high school telling me they loved something and couldn't wait for more. In a way, they're even more amazing, because these people don't even know me, but they are still investing their time and emotions into my fics!

Of course this mindset also has its pitfalls. I often feel like I'm letting people down by not writing faster, for example, but that's just one more thing I need to work on. All in all, I feel like I'm definitely on to something here, so thank you for letting me share these thoughts with you!

#young royals #young royals fanfic #young royals fic #fic writing #writing motivation

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theminecraftloser · 2 years

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Grian Art Designs over the years

I adore Grian fans. The way the fanart of him has evolved over time is amazing! I’ve been watching since basically the start of EVO (description of EVO at the end of the post for those who don’t know it) and seeing all the different ways he’s been drawn through the years is crazy!

During EVO, Grian was drawn with his old skin until they updated enough that they got their current skins back. So all the fanart was basically a Link from Legend of Zelda cosplayer. Then when they got their skins back he was drawn as Just A Guy with a red shirt.

Flash forward to season 6 and he began as Just A Guy but then fans began drawing him with wings!

Grian was wing-ified due to his skill with Elytra! If you’ve seen season 6 he was awful at them at the start of the season because he’s never used them due to him playing mostly creative mode after a certain point with updates in Minecraft so he was unfamiliar with a lot of new features used in survival play. However, within a few episodes, he was one of the best fliers in the server, even setting up a complex elytra course in the shopping district for which he held the fastest time.

During season 6 Grian was often depicted with either white/black feathered wings or purple feathered/bug like wings. The purple wings relate to a popular Headcanon fans carried over from the ending of EVO when Grian became a watcher. In Watcher!Grian AUs there were various designs that depicted several different aspects such as masks, multiple eyes, being based on Biblically Accurate Angles, wings (sometimes multiple sets), claws, fangs, robes, etc. the list goes on and on.

Grian’s popularity skyrocketed during season 6 as HermitCraft is a well known series that had loads of fans prior to his joining and attracted many more to the series afterwords as well. So many people knew Grian to be proficient with Elytra and the general consensus among fans was “Grian has wings”.

Sometime between the second part of season six and early season seven, artists swapped his red shirt for a red jumper.

His design regarding wings was adapted in season 7 to give him parrot wings due to the Pesky Bird shenanigans. Season 7 also had a massive increase of viewers as it happened during the major part of the COVID-19 lockdown with the season kicking off in late February, just weeks before the lockdowns began. Once again, an influx of new fans seeing Grian in fanart being depicted with Red Parrot wings was majorly influential to artists designs.

Some fans began drawing winged ear things (don’t know the word for them lol), goggles, and bird feet/legs around this time also, further cementing his place as an Avian of some sort.

His design since then has remained mostly the same due to the similarity of his skin and no new justifications to have changed (excluding MCC art which shows him in his Team’s Colour for outfits rather than his typical red)

Grian has experienced yet another increase of fans/fanart due to the Life Series, especially double life. This gaining interest and Martyn’s inclusion of Watchers in his Last Life series has lead new fans to watching EVO and bringing back the popularity of Watcher AUs meaning there are Watcher!Grian designs circulating the internet again!

What is EVO?

Evolution SMP, commonly called EVO or EVO SMP, was a survival multiplayer series that began in late 2017. The players included Grian, SolidarityGaming (Jimmy), InTheLittleWood (Martyn), MiniMuka, NettyPlays, SalemsLady, BigBStatz, Tomohawk and SystemZee. Later in the series, Taurtis and PearlescentMoon joined as well.

The premise of the series was to take players back to old versions of minecraft and as time passed, upgrade into the next version. Often they would skip through a couple of versions each update as older updates didn’t add much to the game at a time. They updated by completing challenges and scavenger hunts as well as solving riddles and puzzles set up in the world by The Watchers.

As the name suggests, The Watchers watched over the world as unseen powerful entities. They created the portals that lead Evolutionists to the next versions. Grian has said that Watchers are meant to be the audiences of EVO because we watch the episodes. This is further shown when Grian leaves the EVO series because he was invited to join HermitCraft Season Six and simply didn’t have the time to manage both series. Grian departed the series and had a conversation with two Watchers (named Watcher 1 and Watcher 2) in an altered version of the End Poem that played after Grian defeated the Ender Dragon. At the end, Grian becomes Watcher 3 and says he looks forward to watching the rest of the EVO as he has now joined the audience.

Watchers were seen by fans in AUs as cruel tormentors who dragged Grian away from his friends in EVO that imprisoned him and forced him to become a watcher rather than a human that he was originally. This is an incredibly popular interpretation of the Watchers and one you will see very often if you engage with any Watcher AU content.

(My own opinion on the watchers disagrees with this headcanon however that’s discussed further in this post.)

#hermitcraft #evo grian #grian #evo #evo smp #the watchers #watcher au #watcher!grian #watcher grian

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lordofthestrix · 20 days

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Aya & Tristan A short study in plotting and scheming with someone for centuries. I realized that I don't mention Tristan's right hand all that frequently, so this is a post offering some appreciation for that connection. Because I do think that they are quite interesting to think about in some respects. In a universe where most of the significant relationships between immortals that we delve into are primary rooted in familiar bonds, profound romance or hate and animosity, these two are part of just a handful of cases where there are different foundations involved. As cold as the two of them can be, the relationship is always alluded to with certain gravitas by the two of them and by others. equally This is Elijah talking about Aya in the episode where she is introduced: ELIJAH: Aya. Let me guess-- Five-foot-seven, built like a goddess, vicious as a viper? Now this is Elijah talking about Aya in relation to Tristan during the same episode: ELIJAH: You waltz into my city unannounced with your flock of sycophants flaunting news of a threat. All the while, your little lapdog Aya is conspiring with none other than Marcel Gerard. A snide description and intended as such, obviously. But it is curious to see Elijah of all people reducing his former romantic partner, and one he does show to have some complicated feelings towards during the season, to Tristan's lapdog as his way of showing his contempt. It legitimizes the significance of that connection as something noticeably more than superficial. Aya is consistently shown as a paladin and pretty much the greatest defender for Tristan's vision for the Strix: AYA: The oldest society of vampires this world has ever known. We are called The Strix. ELIJAH: Quite the prestigious organization! Responsible for countless wars, numerous plagues, assassinations... AYA: You have to break rules if you want to build a new world. -- AYA: One of our more famous faces. We count amongst our society celebrated actors, artists, politicians... Of course, most of us prefer to live a life outside of the public eye. That doesn't make our talents any less impressive. -- AYA: We're the top of the food chain-- the smartest, the strongest. And, we take what we want. Added to this, she also presents herself as a steadfast advocate for Tristan himself. Both before and after the ocean: AYA: Tristan has been a collector of extraordinary talent for the better part of a millennium. He chooses the best of the best and helps them evolve.

.. AYA: Tristan de Martel guided this organization for centuries. He was a radical thinker, decisive leader, and, to each of us here tonight, both mentor and friend. He was, in a word, irreplaceable. -- AYA: But I did not die! Thanks to the efforts of a true nobleman. Tristan saved us! He earned our loyalty. Tristan, in turn, deposits an intrinsic level of trust in her, not something by any means easily earned from him, even when dangerous circumstances retain him from heading the group:

ELIJAH: The alternative is significantly less pleasant. TRISTAN: I think I will hold off on any confessions. At least until my Strix arrive to free me and burn your home to the ground... Holding no shadow of doubt that someone will provide a valiant rescue from the Original family doesn't involve a small degree of trust. And speaking of that episode it does have one of the most important if subtle moments between them. Tristan spent the episode from torture to torture. Aya spent it trying to make the goal of forcefully saving him from the Mikaelsons not a suicide mission. When she succeeds, he simply looks at her in mild frustration. And goes: TRISTAN: It took you long enough. Aya smiles at him. And that is the moment you receive the strangest "another hard Monday at the office uh?" vibe emanating from them. In that moment you fully believe that yes. These two, cold as they may be, have been having adventures together for centuries by this point. And that is their general impression when they are together. In the little looks they hunt for in the other. In the way they play out of the other as if they were the two on the know whenever they reach the stage.

They are a pretty fun duo.

#Aya Al-Rashid #Tristan de Martel #I'm considering making this into a series going over other connections.#But Lucien is a minefield #Elijah is complicated as well as contradictory #And Aurora would involve me writing at least six or seven novels to discuss all the things I want to talk about.#So I'm unsure at the moment.#If you are reading this for some reason let me know if you would like to read even more of me incoherently rambling about anything specific

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sweetbillwriting · 4 months

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Love Just Happens

Roxy's Perspective - Additional Chapter

Description: Roxy has been Aurora Lou's best friend since they were teenagers but when Bill becomes a big part of Aurora's life their friendship changes.

Characters: The future's Bill Skarsgård and others close to him. The rest is my own characters.

Setting: This story is set in the future but because it's hard to say how the world is then (and it isn't that important for the story) the future is similar to our time now, even with fashion and so on.

Warnings: 18+, age difference, smut, alcohol, ageism, talk about sex, talk about weight and looks, plastic surgery, cheating, jealousy, bullying, toxic relationships, mentions of abuse.

Notes: this is additional "scenes" to the original stories so scenes from the original story aren't a part of this story.

“A plain but ambitious girl”

That was probably how Roxy would have explained Aurora Lou, before the nose job.

They met at their ballet class when they were fifteen. They were the most ambitious girls in the class and of course they became friends, the other didn't seem to understand how serious the dancing was. They tipped on their toes next to each other with squared postures. The sweat ran down their backs because of their teachers' hard drill but the two of them never whined.

Their teacher, Mrs. Cassidy, looked at them proudly but gave Aurora an extra long look. She had many times said out loud, in front of the whole class that Aurora had the perfect body for the dance. The teacher probably thought the girls would be jealous, trying to lose weight to look more like Aurora but none of them wanted to look like her. She looked like a child compared to them, petite, with a flat chest and no other curves. No guy looked at her, with her messy curls and childlike futures. Roxy thought she was cute and kind though, even if she had understood both the girls in the dance class and at her school thought she was a pain in the ass. She sang all the time. She heard from people that she walked through the corridors singing, sat alone outside, singing and that even the librarian was forced to hush her because she suddenly wanted to try the acoustics in the school's library. Roxy wanted to give her a chance though, even if the time and activities with Aurora were limited. She had an insane curriculum with singing lessons, dance lessons and piano lessons. She didn't drink and seemed to be afraid of guys.

One day they laid in the May sun by Aurora's parents' pool. They had been friends for a year and big things had happened that year. Roxy met her first boyfriend, Aurora won a singing contest but she also finally got her period. Roxy talked about her summer plans with her boyfriend while Aurora listened and gave her her full attention. Roxy wondered if she was jealous of her, if she understood that not many guys were interested in her but would never ask. It felt like a subject you didn't talk with Aurora about, everything was about her music career for her.

Roxy looked at Aurora's mom Melinda fascinated where she sat on the opposite side of the pool. She was so beautiful and young. Her own mom said she was a trophy wife, a young wife to a rich plastic surgeon. Roxy thought she was wrong, Aurora's dad was funny and kind and the two grown ups kissed a lot, she had even seen them make out in a way other grown ups didn't. Her father, Paolo, came out to them and sat down by Melinda's side.

“Have you told Roxy the news, honey?” He shouted to Aurora over the big pool. Roxy gave her a curious look with a small smile. Has she met a guy?

Aurora laughed embarrassed and played with a knot on her bikini bottom.

“I have been offered a record deal…” she smiled big but blushed heavily.

Roxy made an excited scream and hit Aurora playfully on her arm.

“Oh my god! That's awesome!

“But… They think I must be a bit older and they want to see how I ‘evolve’...” Aurora looked down and shrugged her shoulders.

“Oh… Is it like… an appearance thing?” Said Roxy carefully. Aurora was such a talented singer and dancer and she could also see Aurora didn't really look like a popstar, even if she slowly had gotten more curves and learned to master her curls.

Aurora didn't say anything, so the answer was obvious. Roxy wondered what they wanted her to change. Or would they wait for puberty to hit?

Roxy continued to talk about her boyfriend again when Aurora had been silent a bit too long. Aurora smiled and laughed at the stories. It was hard to read Aurora but Roxy forgot about her news while talking about her boyfriend.

×××

Aurora had said she had a lot to do over summer but then she continued to be as hard to reach the first part of autumn. Roxy thought she tried to dump her as a friend and got annoyed at her but when she even missed ballet practice she got a feeling something was wrong.

“Mrs. Cassidy,” she asked after a lesson and walked up to her teacher who wiped off the bar they had been standing by with a wet rag. She looked up at Roxy with a small smile.

“Eh… Have you heard anything from Aurora? She hasn't been here for so long.”

Mrs. Cassidy looked down at the wet rag with pursed lips.

“That girl had so much potential… She called, dropped out. Because of weight gain.”

Roxy looked uncomfortable with her teacher. It didn't feel okay that she told her that but she didn't say anything.

“It's always how it starts… Probably a boy. Don't make the same mistake, Roxanne.”

Roxy wondered what had actually happened. Had she gained so much weight she was at fat camp or something? It sounded weird when Aurora had probably weighed under 100 pounds.

She didn't have any other option than to visit her even if it felt weird to do so when she didn't answer any of her messages.

It was Melinda who opened the door, dressed in leggings and a sports bra. She looked so good that it was hard to understand why her daughter had become so plain.

“Oh! Roxy! Nice to see you,” she said kindly but didn't let her in. Roxy smiled and played with her light brown hair.

“Is Aurora okay? I haven't heard from her for a very long time.”

Melinda smiled a little and looked towards the stairs.

“She's okay, wait a moment so I can see if she's home.”

Melinda walked into the house while Roxy stood in the doorway looking into the big hallway. She understood Melinda walked to see if Aurora wanted to talk to her and prepared herself for a no. She was surprised for several reasons when she saw Aurora, mostly because of the tape on her nose and bruises under her eyes. It was obvious she had gotten a nose job but it wasn't the only thing that was different with her. Instead of a petite, childish figure she now had hips and curvy thighs and when she walked by the mirror Roxy could also see she had a really nice ass. Even with the tape on her nose Roxy saw her differently, she was hot. It was probably not that much that was different with her in reality but the smaller nose made her big brown eyes become doll-like and her lips inviting. She was beautiful. Roxy looked at her with big eyes and didn't know what to say. This was the same Aurora, but in six months she had become a young woman. She didn't know why she felt pain in her stomach.

“Hey… Can you come in? I hate to show myself like this…” said Aurora embarrassed and pointed to her nose. Roxy smiled a little uncomfortably and walked into the house. Aurora was dressed as her mother while Roxy came from school, in jeans and a hoodie.

“Did your dad…?” She asked carefully and nodded to the nose.

“Yeah… Instead of having his real one, he has given me a new one,” she joked and looked at Roxy take off her shoes. Together they walked into the house. It was as modern and clean as it had always been, only that school books were spread over the dining room table.

“I'm trying to study from home… I have so many things to do now, I haven't had time to go to school…” said Aurora embarrassed and walked to the kitchen. She gave them each a coke while they sat down next to her books by the table.

“Oh? The nose job and..?”

Aurora still looked just as embarrassed.

“I'm recording now… I've written some of the songs myself…”

Roxy nodded a little but felt the jealousy creep up. She didn't think anything would actually happen with the record deal.

“Mrs. Cassidy said you had gained weight?”

Aurora laughed, she didn't seem to care that their teacher talked about her behind her back.

“Yeah I did… Over the summer. I quit the ballet diet and then it was just like, boom! I gained 20 pounds or something. For me that's a lot, because of my height. But I've lost some of it now but it was quite funny telling Cassidy that…”

Roxy looked at her carefully with a doubtful smile. If she had been more confident she would have told Aurora how good she looked but she couldn't. Aurora had a record deal, a new nose and rich parents, she didn't need to hear that she looked good also.

“I’m sorry I haven't answered you… Em… Because you will hate me…” said Aurora and looked down at her hands. Roxy gave her a confused look but understood Aurora was ashamed of something.

“You know your boyfriend's police report? I was the one filing it…”

Roxy's boyfriend had been accused of stealing from people on the beach with his friends. They weren't together anymore but she had never believed the accusations.

“They stole my shoes, weirdly enough. I didn't have anything else to steal but I saw them carry my shoes and also go through some other people's pants pockets…” continued Aurora. “I understand if you don't want to believe me.”

Roxy nodded slowly. She didn't know what to believe and instead waved it away. She wasn't with him anymore.

“We're not together any longer and… And I need a new, better boyfriend!”

***

Being sixteen was exciting in many different ways. New experiences, new friends, a new sort of freedom. But there were also many negative things about being sixteen. Such a thing was insecurity and the four ballet girls that had made fun of Aurora's body earlier, all felt it when she stood in the hallway together with them at a big New Years Eve party. Aurora had been so plain, boring even but there she stood in high strappy heels and a pink sequin dress. She looked like the pop princess she was about to be and the teenage boys dropped their jaws when they looked at her. The other girls pretended not to notice how much attention she got and that made Aurora believe she had just imagined things. Roxy looked at her friend and felt a bit stupid in her black short dress. She looked not at all as hot as Aurora but tried to tell herself Aurora was more “girl pretty”, guys wouldn't see her as that hot.

“There’s so many people here,” said Aurora with a giggle. Roxy nodded a little and looked at three guys looking towards them, she stretched her back and pouted with her lips but when they walked closer it was obvious all three of them looked at Aurora. Aurora seemed oblivious to what was happening. This was her first real party and both she and Roxy had probably never believed she would be the girl everyone talked about. Two of the guys suddenly took Aurora's hands and pulled her close to them.

“Where have you been all my life?” Said one of the guys and looked her up and down.

“That dress is amazing,” said another. Aurora giggled uncomfortably and looked down at her dress.

“What's your name?”

“Aurora Lou,” she said embarrassed.

“Aurora Lou!” Exclaimed the boys in choir.

Roxy and two of her friends looked at them unamused. She probably needed to get used to this now. Aurora wasn't plain anymore, she was the most beautiful girl there and the next Friday her song with a famous DJ would be released. She had the boys and the world in her hands.

Roxy continued to watch Aurora mingle around. The big eyed boys, the jealous girls but also the ones that just wanted to be close to her light. She didn't feel that jealous until midnight when she saw Aurora get her first kiss from Chase McCarthy. He had graduated last year and was the hottest guy in Roxy's school then. He was the guy every girl wanted. He made out with Aurora Lou, the girl who sang in the corridors and had a folder where she planned her first tour. He probably didn't know that Aurora hadn't been that hot a year ago, and that she didn't have Los Angeles' cutest nose then. When he a month later became Aurora's boyfriend she got used to the thought but wondered if he knew Aurora's nose was fake.

×××

There is a point where all teenage girls learn there is a girl everything seems easier for, a girl who has looks, money and the best sort of life. Roxy learned to accept that Aurora was that girl and also saw that it was probably always the plan. It was easy making fun of a girl like Aurora in their teens, who prepared for her career down to the smallest details and laid all her waking time to just get better at her craft but it was also the kind of person that would succeed. Aurora had already decided she would succeed.

Roxy learned to stand behind her both figuratively and literally as her background dancer. If she was honest she knew she would never have the energy to do all the hard work Aurora did and that she probably wouldn't have worked as a dancer if it wasn't for Aurora but she was a bit too proud to confess that.

Roxy put all the time Aurora put on her career to party and find the perfect guy, or so she thought he was. She met him when she was 18 and he was 23. He was tall and handsome and studying to become a surgeon. He was her Dr. Dreamy and only hers. He wasn't interested in Aurora at all and often called her a diva even if she wasn't. He had never wanted to be around her so he didn't know Aurora was the kind of girl who gave up her seat to a stranger just to suddenly be without a seat herself. Roxy loved Aurora and saw her goodness but was glad her boyfriend didn't.

While her own relationship with her boyfriend evolved smoothly to a grown up relationship she saw her friend struggle. Aurora got together with another young artist, Timmy Laurent and nothing went the way she wanted with him. Roxy hated to see her struggle like that and wished that she would meet a good guy soon but when she finally did… Roxy didn't react as she had thought…

×××

“He's much older than you!” She said, shaking her head. Aurora, her and three other friends sat around a table in an Italian night club. Aurora had walked by some guy in the line she recognized and now wanted to talk to. An older guy she admired and also thought was sexy, he wasn't at all so stereotypical pretty as Timmy.

“Who cares about that! He just has experience!” said their friend Erica with a pointed look towards Aurora. Aurora smiled with a blush. Roxy could be a bit annoyed at Erica, it was Aurora's friend from the start and she thought she could be too loud and vulgar. Roxy believed Aurora hadn't dared to tell Erica about her story with guys, how they all had broken her heart and left her in crumbles. It started with Chase thinking she was a workaholic and left her for a girl at his gym. Then it was Timmy who was a serial cheater and when they had a break she was with Philip that abused her mentally, so much her father had forbidden him to contact her anymore.

Roxy believed Aurora wouldn't talk with anyone else than her about it and was irritated that Erica made everything sound so easy. Aurora's lovelife wasn't easy.

Roxy really believed Aurora would listen to her and let the guy be but when she had walked off from the dance floor she saw Aurora sit on a low couch together with a tall guy dressed in black. He had his hand on her thigh and Aurora looked at him with big eyes, an attribute she and the guy shared. While Aurora had big chestnut eyes framed by long lashes, he had big green eyes that instead were framed by shadows from his prominent eyebrow bone. They had a similar expression on their faces; big curious eyes and a small almost blushing smile. Roxy looked at him intensely. He wasn't her type but she could see he had something and he was probably as tall as her ex, the surgeon, who she had left when she realized he had failed his studies and moved home to his parents.

“I think they look cute together and I get a good feeling looking at him. His jeans actually fit, his smile is kind and he has good arms…” said Erica with a smirk. She suddenly stood next to Roxy and sipped on a gin & tonic. Roxy looked at her a bit annoyed.

“Aurora is fragile… She should keep away from men for a while…”

Erica made an amused exhalation.

“She has never even been with a man! Come on, this is good for her!”

Roxy didn't say anything, just moved to the bar to order something. She looked at Aurora when she left the guy and felt pleased seeing her leave him behind but she got a bad feeling when he stood up and also walked out from the same door. He was taller than her ex and had a swagger in his steps. The people who knew the guy would have understood it was something temporary from a confidence boost by getting attention from Aurora but she saw his confident, laid back steps as a sign on how bad news he was.

×××

Roxy sat in the limo home with the other girls, all of them except Aurora. She had texted Erica and told them she had already gone home with “company”. Roxy felt negative emotions in her chest while looking out from the window of the limo. She couldn't put a finger on if she was just worried for her or if it was something else. It felt weird Aurora had texted Erica instead of her but also that Aurora hadn't taken her advice to let the guy be. Now he was at their (Aurora's) house and she had no idea what they were doing. Aurora wasn't the girl to sleep with a guy the first time she met him and she wondered if he would take a no graciously. She had seen how guys looked at Aurora since they were sixteen and knew it wouldn't be a good idea for her to take a guy home that she didn't know.

In the house the girls could see some signs of a man being in there but it was quiet and dark so they guessed he was behind Aurora's closed bedroom door. Roxy looked at the whiskey on the coffee table and shook her head. It was typical Aurora to get a bit too comfortable with a guy fast, she was naive and had high thoughts about people. She stopped outside of Aurora's bedroom and listened if she could hear something but it was completely silent.

“What are you doing?” Whispered one of the other girls that was on her way to her bedroom. Roxy licked her lips and shook her head.

“I'm just worried…”

The girl nodded. They knew that Roxy was Aurora's oldest friend and most often seemed to know better than Aurora about what she needed. The girl let Roxy listen outside of Aurora's door but as soon as Roxy was alone her curiosity took over and carefully she pushed down the door handle.

The scene behind the door was sweet, even if she didn't really want to see it that way. The man laid on his back on the right side of the bed, facing the door. Half way on top of him laid Aurora under the silky cover, her cheek pressed against his chest while both of his big hands laid on her bum over the cover. It looked like they were used to sleeping together. Roxy looked at Aurora's face. She slept relaxed and heavy, even snoring lightly. Roxy then looked at the man. He had several attributes that were similar to Aurora, even if they weren't anything alike. His nose was upturned and his lips full. He had model high cheekbones that the little light in the room reflected on. He was beautiful. Roxy had always liked classic handsome men and this guy was that in some ways but had also attributes that she otherwise would see as unattractive; the deep set eyes, the high forehead, but it just made this man interesting to look at. She looked at him a few seconds too long and maybe he felt it because he moved suddenly, scratching his cheek but then laid his hand on Aurora's bum again. Aurora followed in his motions, like she already knew his moving pattern and rubbed her nose against his chest and smiled a bit in her sleep.

Roxy closed the door with a beating heart. She stood a moment outside of the door, processing what she had seen. They looked like a couple in love but they had just met that night. Roxy felt the bad feeling in her stomach and interpreted it as a sign that this guy was bad, this guy was nothing for Aurora.

×××

Bill. Bill Skarsgård. Bill Istvan Günther Skarsgård.

Roxy knew his whole name now. It wasn't hard to find out. As soon as she found out he was an actor named Bill his name and biography was just a google search away. Aurora had told them he was 40, separated and a father to three girls, she found the same thing online. There wasn't anything of importance answering why he had separated with his kids’ mother, the only thing she could find was that she was a few years older than him and the break up didn't seem to surprise his fans.

She looked at him while he laid on a sun bed by the pool with them. They were still in Italy together and he had been over almost every day since two weeks back. Aurora had invited him in and changed the dynamic in the group. She was always close to him and acted in ways Roxy hadn't seen before. She had always seemed unsure and eager to please with other guys but with him she dared to be herself with a constant smile on her lips. She laid more or less on top of him in the sun bed while he was reading out of a thick book. It looked like Aurora slept with her nose pressed against the side of his neck but he just continued to read, like it was a small kitten lying on him instead of a woman.

Roxy stood up and walked towards him. Just like all of them she wore swimwear. Bill looked up at her and smiled a little questioning, he didn't give her that from head to toe look Aurora's exes seemed to give every girl they met.

“Is she awake?” Roxy asked and pointed to Aurora. Bill laid his book on the ground and looked down at Aurora.

“I think the light is off completely,” he said with a smirk then looked up at Roxy. Roxy looked at his face for a few seconds but looked away. She wanted to ask him what he wanted with Aurora, if she could trust him but while she stood there it felt silly and if she had understood him correctly he wouldn't want to talk with her about Aurora when Aurora wasn't present in the conversation. Roxy wondered if he was just smarter and better at manipulation than Aurora's exes or if he was a good guy. While looking at him she became more and more sure it was the first option, he made her feel strange.

“Roxy? Was it something?” He asked kindly while carefully moving Aurora's leg from his hip. Roxy looked at him again. He gave her a friendly smile but not at all as big as the one he always gave Aurora.

“Ehm… I just wondered if Aurora is okay…” she said and he nodded a little. “Yeah, I will wake her soon. I just want to finish this chapter,” said he with a smirk, like she was his baby. Roxy smiled unsure. For the people around she looked like a worried friend but she had also another worry in her body she pushed away.

A few minutes later Bill woke Aurora up and she straddled his hips. They didn't notice that Roxy watched them. His big hands dragged down Aurora's back, down to her hips. Aurora teasingly moved her hips and you could instantly see its effect by Bill's expression. He laughed and bit his lip. His face was so different when he looked at Aurora compared to when he looked at her. His eyes were hooded and almost sleepy and when Aurora moved her hips again he looked at her body greedily. His eyes were dark and his expression sexy. For a few seconds Roxy's mind got as dark as Bill's gaze. Perfect Aurora had of course found the perfect guy now…

×××

Roxy laid wall to wall with Aurora's bedroom in the house's second floor. She and the other girls had been out dancing while Aurora got the house alone for dinner with Bill. It was obvious what Aurora's idea with the night was but Roxy had also overheard her speak with Erica and how a bottle of lube had shifted hands.

It had been quiet when they came home but after just an hour of sleep a sound woke Roxy up. First she thought it was a cat crying after attention but the cat started to sound more and more like Aurora. It sounded a bit pained but then she giggled and a man chuckled almost mockingly. In the same beat as Aurora's moaning Roxy heard the sound of skin slapping against skin. It sounded gross but Aurora's moaning was also alarming. She had heard her before, with Timmy and it didn't sound anything like this, this was much higher in pitch and some times it was dragged out like she had stepped on a piece of lego while trying to stop herself from cursing.

Roxy laid her pillow over her head to try to shut the sounds out but then another sound increased. Bill's sounds. First his moans sounded just like a rumble through the wall, so deep it mostly just felt like a vibration but as it got louder, it also became higher in pitch. It sounded sensual and soft, like an ocean breeze. Roxy wanted to pretend as if she didn't want to hear but she really just wanted to listen to those soft moans and his low chuckle. When Aurora's sounds got higher again, together with the hammering from the headboard against the wall Roxy swallowed dryly. She had a pain in her chest that got worse from the beat from the headboard against the wall. She needed to speak with Aurora tomorrow. This was so unlike her, this wasn't the Aurora she knew.

×××

Kisses and hugs. Sweet smiles and laughter. Him explaining politics and philosophy for her. She was trying to teach him how to play the piano. Everything was so sugar sweet but then it was also the sexual tension, the sneaky hands and the loud moaning. It was just too much.

Roxy didn't really know why she continued to be close to them. It was painful, especially when she wanted to be close to her best friend's boyfriend while his behavior towards her grew colder every time they met. He was an actor but he was bad at concealing his irritation with her, or he didn't care to hide it anymore.

He was 40, had three childrens and sometimes was on the line to being rude to her. It wasn't a guy she would fall for in normal cases and not a guy she would think her best friend to be around. She was just worried for her friend, that was what it all was about. Nothing else.

“No, I think he's weird. And the whole situation… I mean she has been with two rappers and now she's with him. Sure, he's handsome and all that but it will never work. She will get bored of him and then he probably will show his true colors,” said Roxy with a shrug. She had left Aurora's house at the same time as Michelle, Aurora's assistant and they walked to the neighborhood’s gate together. They had talked openly with each other many times, most often about Aurora, that they could be quite annoyed with.

“Weird?” Asked Michelle carefully and looked down at the ground.

“You know, one moment he is so silent, the next he's so loud. It's totally psychopath behavior.”

Michelle laughed a little and looked up at the younger woman.

“Bill is far from a psychopath, he might play it well but he is really grounded.”

Roxy furrowed her brows and gave Michelle an examining look.

“How do you know?”

Michelle smirked and shook her head to herself.

“We dated for a while. I actually thought it would become something serious but then he met Aurora… But he hasn't told her. He isn't a psychopath but obviously an asshole.”

Roxy looked at her with big eyes. She couldn't believe it, that the world could be that small.

“I have photos,” Michelle stressed, she could see Roxy didn't believe her.

“Let me see.”

“I don't have them on this phone…”

Roxy gave her a look, showing clearly she didn't believe her.

“I do have them! I can send you them!”

When Roxy was home in her own home she got a message from Michelle. She hadn't lied because there the picture was, the picture of her and Bill in an intimate kiss. She sat down on the couch in shock. He really was an asshole. Aurora must have the worst luck to find the worst guys. Cheater, abusers and liars. This was also the thing that could break Aurora free from the guy, if it was used the right way. If Roxy just showed it to her she knew she must explain how she had gotten the picture and then Aurora would find out Bill just had lied, not been cheating. She needed to use it so it seemed like he was also a cheater, that would make Aurora break up with him, nothing else would, Aurora was too forgiving. She looked at the picture and tried to come up with a plan and at the same time justify what she would do. She just wanted the best for her best friend. Bill wasn't the guy for her.

×××

Andrew sat with a hand over his mouth with the picture of Bill and Michelle in front of him. He was in his office with Roxy, Aurora's best friend, in front of him.

“I don't know what to do… He's clearly a cheater but Aurora will never do anything about it…” said Roxy. Andrew stretched in his chair and made a doubtful face.

“I felt he was bad news as soon as I met him. He is the sort of guy that could just wife her up and then it's over for her.” He was silent a while before adding: “and she doesn't want that.”

Roxy nodded and waited for him to say something more.

“There are already rumors about her being pregnant… I can use this too… If she doesn't listen. It feels a bit mean but what should we do? Clearly she doesn't know what’s for her own good. I miss her time with Timmy, he really made her a better artist.”

Roxy swallowed hard because she didn't think that all. Maybe this was on the line of being a great friend and a bad friend but she wanted her to be happy and she wasn't happy with Timmy, far from it. Roxy just wanted her to be with someone else. Not Bill. He could go back to Sweden and become forgotten, both by Aurora and herself.

“I’ll fix this Roxy, otherwise we will come up with something else to get that guy out. She doesn't listen anymore. She seems to believe she knows best now. I don't know what she believes, she's still 24 even if her boyfriend is a man.”

Roxy nodded a little, even if she also was 24. She just agreed so he would do the work and make Bill disappear and make her and Aurora's friendship easy again.

Andrew used the rumors about pregnancy and cheating as a fuel to make Aurora leave Bill but he didn't even hear that made any difference. Instead she pushed him even further away and it started to feel like she would fire him soon. He really needed to do something.

Roxy heard from Aurora about the picture and how Aurora spoke like she never believed Bill would cheat. They were too in love. She started to feel powerless and at the same time it got harder and harder to even see Bill, but at the same time she didn't want anything else. Seeing him was the only thing that felt like it mattered.

One July day she visited Aurora with the excuse she needed help with a guy she was seeing, even if in reality she wasn't dating. She knew it was Bill's birthday in just a bit more than a week and the couple would go to Italy in just a few days. She had the thought of giving him something, something small and thoughtful to make him understand she cared but couldn't come up with anything. She realized she didn't even know what he liked and felt awfully stupid.

Aurora had no idea she would come, especially because they hadn't had as much contact for a time. As Aurora's best friend she had gained the trust to go into her house with her fingerprint and used that trust that day to let herself in. It was empty in the house and she looked around the big house but didn't meet anyone other than Aurora's dogs, until she looked out towards the pool. Bill laid alone on a sun bed with closed eyes. He had just bathing shorts on, a pair much shorter and tighter she had seen him in before. He was still wet after a swim and his hair was pushed back. He was probably unaware someone else was in the house because he stuffed a hand down the shorts to correct his member. Roxy didn't know what to do or look. She stood there and just stared at him even if all alarms rang in her head. It wasn't okay at all. Suddenly his phone rang on the table next to him and he answered with a bright smile. It was obvious with that smile who was calling. Roxy hid behind a counter so Bill wouldn't accidentally see her.

“Babe, babe.” He laughed and hummed. “You know that's just bullshit. You're really clever even if you don't have high school grades… No, not as smart as me but that doesn't prove anything.” He laughed and then made a low chuckle, an in love chuckle. “Hit him then. It's okay for me. You know how to do it… And you're really sexy when you fight.”

Roxy closed off. The conversation was intimate, nothing she should hear. It was proof they were just as in love when they believed no one saw or heard them.

She snuck out of the house. She should just let them be but instead she fantasized about him talking that sweetly to her. No more weird side eyes and irritated sighs, he should just give her all that love.

×××

The lie had been the worst thing she had done her whole life. Aurora had been her friend for almost ten years and she had done everything in her power to steal her boyfriend. A boyfriend that had never even liked her and was crazy in love with her friend. It was idiotic, evil and desperate.

Roxy talked to the press and told a gossip journalist she was sleeping with Bill Skarsgård, Aurora Lou's boyfriend and after that she had tried to kiss him. She was a desperate mess who lost her job, her best friend and many other friends at the same time.

She retracted the confession and it never became an article but she didn't succeed in saving herself from the fall. After Aurora's new manager had fired her she became an aerobic instructor and lost all the luxury that being a friend to Aurora, had come with.

She would always regret the things she did but it wasn't Aurora she thought about the most. It was Bill. The day she found out they had gotten married was a day of sorrow.

#bill skarsgård #bill skarsgard #fan fiction #writing #story #bill skarsgård writing #bill skarsgård fanfiction #fiction #lou

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doorbloggr · 1 year

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Getting lost in fictional worlds

Wednesday 1/3/23

Media Recommendations #46

Content:

Dungeon Meshi

Disco Elysium

Dungeon Meshi/Delicious in Dungeon

Ryoko Kui

Dungeon Meshi is a fantasy action/comedy manga that has been running since 2014. At the time of writing, the manga has not reached its conclusion, but I feel its getting close. Its funny, heartwarming, has an interesting world and an endearing art style.

Pitch

The story is set in a classic high fantasy world, where underground structures called Dungeons litter the landscape. Dungeons are a complex set of biomes in their own right with advanced magic systems, including the unique quirk that adventurers who die in a dungeon can be revived fairly reliably. It is fairly standard D&D in its initial presentation, but the world has a uniquely real spin on the standard fantasy format.

We follow the party of Laios Touden, a human fighter, who's sister, Falin, a human cleric, was killed by a dragon and eaten deep in the dungeon. Due to the laws of the dungeon, if they find her remains soon enough, they will be able to revive her, but before her end, Falin teleported the party to the surface. A few members of their party quit on the spot. They do not have the funds or resources to do that trip again, and without a healer, their party would be in even more danger. Laios, not wanting to waste any time, decides the best course of action is to head back in immediately, and use the resources of the dungeon for food on the way. He is accompanied by Marcille, an elf mage, and Chilchuck, a half-foot trap-finder.

Soon into their journey, they run into Senshi, a dwarf who has lived in this dungeon as long as adventurers have known about it. Senshi is very knowledgeable about how to prepare and cook monsters of the dungeon, and intrigued by Laios and his journey, accompanies the party. Laios grew up obsessed with monsters and knows the ins and outs of their biology, ecology, how to kill them, and what parts are inedible. Combined with Senshi's knowledge on how to cook them, the party (Marcille and Chilchuk begrudgingly) are well equipped to delve deep into the dungeon surviving on nothing but the wildlife of the dungeon.

My Thoughts

Delicious in Dungeon is such an easily likeable story. The artstyle is cute and unique, but at the same time, portrays such intense action and interesting monster designs. The story starts out as a quirky little romp, but very soon it becomes apparent that every detail about the world is meticulously crafted to make it feel real and lived in. Monster Biology is based in real anatomical rules, but Magic is still part of the world too. For example, spirits are a real type of magical creature, and some monsters are adapted to filter feed on them.

The party all have very one-note personalities at the beginning. Senshi is obsessed with healthy habits, Laios is a bit of a dunderhead, Marcille is squeamish, and Chilchuck is selfish. But as the story progresses, you get to know each better and their personalities and ideals evolve as they encounter new challenges.

As I touched on above, the art style is gorgeous. The food looks delicious, the monsters are fun to look at in action, and the character design of each of the main and supporting cast of characters is varied and fun. Without spoiling anything, the story goes in a direction deeper and is more engaging than I thought possible from as simple a pitch as "adventurers eat the monsters in a dungeon", and although at the time of writing the manga is not finished, I am very happy with where the story has gone and am very keen to see where the ending takes us.

If my description has piqued your interest at all, I highly recommend seeking out Delicious in Dungeon. It's a fantastic read. And I just found out while writing this that an anime is being produced by Studio Trigger. So keep an eye out for that too.

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Disco Elysium

ZA/UM

Disco Elysium is a role playing game released for PC and all main consoles, I personally played the Final Cut version on Nintendo Switch. Now when someone says Role Playing Game, the first thought is usually a random-encounter, turn-based combat system with parties, health and magic meters. But Disco Elysium is more like the classic table top RPG type, a point and click narrative adventure with dice rolls and branching narratives depending on the player's actions. It was a very engaging experience that I will probably go back and play again for a whole new experience.

The Pitch

Disco Elysium is based in a fictional post-war European-type city called Revachol. You play the role of a very broken man who wakes up after a few days of binge drinking, having forgotten literally everything about who you are and why you are here. A bit of briefing with the hotel staff and discussion with a police officer named Kim Kitsuragi, you find that you are a police officer too, and your precinct sent you to help Lieutenant Kitsuragi solve a murder case.

You interact with the world through walking up to objects, people, and landmarks, and making observations, growing your knowledge base of the world and who you once were. The player character's progression is through assigning points to various skills to build the type of cop you want to be in this story. Split into 4 main categories of skills; Intellect, Psyche, Physique, and Motorics; you start the game by assigning base points to a few different areas that will make it easier to be better at certain skills.

A character with good base Intellect will be better at general knowledge, conceptualisation, and talking smart, while a character with good base Motorics will have good hand-eye coordination, composure, and reaction time. You have the option to start from a few base pre-builds, or customise your stats to your preference. But you can't be good at everything. Are you the type of cop that talks down people in your way or the type to punch them in the jaw? That's up to you. Anytime you attempt a challenging task, be that persuasion, violence, or anything in between, you can attempt a dice roll. And depending on what skills you have points in, you will have better odds in different challenges.

Getting more skill points requires experience, which can be gained by pursuing the main objective, and by solving side-story mysteries. And the world is full of mysteries! There are cults, supernatural hauntings, post-war trauma, Eurobeat ravers, and much more to interact with. You are a broken man in a broken world, and there's nothing stopping you from being the worst kind of human being to get your way. Unless you don't want to upset Kim Kitsuragi.

And Kim is the one light in this dark, sad world.

My Thoughts

Disco Elysium is an experience like no other. The absolute depth of the world is just immense, you could get lost in centuries of in-game lore for hours. Even though the entire game takes place in part of one city, you have the opportunity to familiarise yourself with the entire world, decades of conflict, and the political matrix of powers that has led to such a desolate world.

Just as deep as the world are the characters, particularly the player character, Harry Dubois. You can play the entire game multiple times and not find everything wrong with this poor little meow meow. I neglected to mention this above, but each Skill talks, offering input from their area of specialty. Most dialogue in the game is from the inner thoughts of our cop, and what he can make of the situation. Putting more points into different skills will mean you hear the perspective of that skill more often. In my playthrough, I heard a lot from Encyclopedia, Drama, and Perception, but in a future playthrough, maybe Savor Flaire, Inland Empire, and Electrochemistry might have more to say.

Although the game is full of choice, there is ultimately one ending. I initially thought this as a bad thing, but it makes sense on further thought. This city was boiling towards an explosive conclusion no matter what two policemen do. What we can change however, is if we can save anyone on the way there, and what sort of person you make yourself into by the end. What kind of cop do you want to be?

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Thanks for Reading

This recommendation has been a long time coming, as I've had these two series in in the back of my mind for ages. If you have engaged with either, please spread this post and tell me what you've enjoyed from them.

If you enjoy my style of writing, I have made 45 other posts just like this recommending all sorts of media. Check the pinned post on my blog.

#media recommendations #videogame recommendations #manga recommendation #blogpost #blog #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #disco elysium #harry dubois #kim kitsuragi #Youtube

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dragongutsixofficial · 10 months

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Thoughts on one Monica von Ochs? Especially in regards to how Edelgard interacts with and feels about her.

I can't consider myself a big Monica fan. I find her character incredibly flat and "simp" will never be my choice for a character with one personality trait. Hubert doesn't bother me because keeping tabs on Edelgard is part of his job description and his interactions with the rest of the cast are more varied. If Hubert didn't have Edelgard I'm sure he'd be finding some other cause to champion and would pursue it with just as much dedication and fervor, but if Monica didn't have Edelgard I honest to Sothis have no idea what she'd be doing.

As far as Edelgard herself goes, I think she'd be fine, if a little weirded out, up until the moment she finds out Monica has been watching her so closely. Edelgard has always struck me as a very private person, and I think such close scrutiny would make her wildly uncomfortable. I want to see her explode at Monica over it (which is saying something because we all know Edelgard isn't normally one to shout) and although I think she'd come back to apologize for losing her cool, I also think it would take a while for her to be comfortable around Monica again.

Oh I absolutely agree with you here.

When I first played 3 Hopes (which I still haven't finished bit I will someday) I was really excited at the prospect of having her as a real member of the cast and I was really curious about what they would choose to do with her. I really wanted to love her, but it's as you say: she's got one(1) personality trait, and it's simping over Edelgard. Of course, this is just my personal opinion, and isn't meant to offend abybody who likes her or invalidate their feelings: that being said, here are some quick thoughts on why she makes me uncomfortable personally.

As you said yourself, her obsession (i think it's fair to say it's gone too far to be a crush) over Edelgard is a meager foundation to build a character upon. I think it would've been a lot more interesting if she could grow from that first feeling instead of being stuck in the same emotional place the whole time; it sucks because I love to see characters evolve and become new versions of themselves and she just. wasn't it.

I also completely agree that Hubie's relationship with Edelgard is a lot healthier and more balanced because Hubert doesn't limit himself to that. I think this is best explained in his supports with Dorothea:

Here, Dorothea misunderstands the bound that unites our iconic gothic duo together for simple unrequited love, which would fit the description of Monica's attitude towards El better and which Hubert himself qualifies as being like a "drooling simpleton". Ouch.

Hubert and Edelgard's bound is strong not because it's motivated by romantic love but because they know each other, their dreams and their motivations. Because they are friends who share a vision. Which is the reason why I personally dislike Edelbert (you go though Edelbert shippers)- I think their relationship is a lot more interesting if its platonic rather than the typical romantic tale.

This leads me to my next point: what is so important about the way Edelgard interacts with the people around her is that she wants them to feel like they're on an equal footing to her. She wants there to be respect and appreciation of her interlocutor's abilities and input. However, this means that their interlocutor themself must make the effort to realize that. Which... Monica never really does. She holds Edelgard in such high regard that she doesn't think she could ever be as good as her in any regard and thus locks herself in a perpetual state of submissive adoration and awe, if that makes sense. Which is not a good basis for a relationship nor personal growth and would most likely lead to an unvoluntary power imbalance if they were ever to enter a relationship. And that's not what Edelgard wants from a lover either:

She wants a partner and an equal because this is the world she wants to bring about. Simple as that. Which, in my humble opinon, makes Edelthea and Edeleth two of the best Edelgard ships.

Also... If I were a princess who had been stuck in an abusive situation for years under the thumb of a sect which was actively watching me day to day, had secret connections to all spheres of power and had abducted me and my siblings to torture and kill us... Yeah Monica's behavior would creep the everloving f*ck out of me. I could definitely see Edelgard snapping at her because of that- hopefully that'd be the waking call she needed all along to realize that she fucked up big time and to start working on herself and her obsession.

Soooo... yeah. Thanks but no thanks Monica. xD

#ask #rubytactician #you are SO right #fe3h #fe3hopes #three hopes #edelgard von hresvelg #monica von ochs #then again people who like her and/or the ship are totally valid you do you i'm not here to judge #personally she makes me uncomfortable=(

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societysonlooker · 1 year

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2) What is your favorite fic of yours?

3) What fic of yours do you think is underrated?

6) Do you outline your fics? If so, how?

8) Do you take inspiration from real life? If so how do you incorporate it into your fics?

Oh hey anon!

2) So, while I don't really have any comfort fics, but one series that lives rent free in my head is Caged Robins by independent_variables. Here's the description:

Caged Robins don't sing, they beat their wings against the bars.

Or:

Jack Drake meets Robin.

And another favorite of mine is 16 November 1581 by DairyFarmer. If you like Good Dad Bruce fics and you like hurt/comfort, this is for you. It's just, a stellar fic all in all. Tw for child abuse, though. Description:

Bruce blacked out. He wasn’t sure what happened after those words left Jack’s mouth. All he knew was that the next thing he remembered was being pulled off of Jack Drake by several police officers.

----

Tim goes missing and there were times that Bruce wished he wasn’t such a good detective.

There's a lot more fics from a few different fandoms I could rec if people were interested, but these are ones I've remembered and read Recently. shoutouts to

the ENTIRE Where's My Goddamned Dinosaur series by njw (18+ yall)

Loading and Aspect Ratio by JUBE514

M&M by Impravidus

The Entirety of Liminal Spaces by Calamityjim

Worlds Finest Three by SuperRobinSmash (18+ yall)

Whatever Happened To Tim Drake? By TinHatFlash (READ THE FUCKING TAGS YALL). I frankly consider the best example of an honest to god Greek tragedy that I've ever seen in modern writing (and I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR THAT SHIT) because every "mistake" the characters make is an action that have no choice but to make because they are who they are and they're trying to do the next best thing in a horrible situation and it is an ever-evolving downward spiral. Seriously, I cannot sing enough praise for this fic.

Additional shoutouts to Heartslogos, Petra, and Teland, who's fics dragged me, joyfully, into this fandom, what with my then-limited-to-Teen-Titans-Cartoon knowledge of dc comics, and honestly so many others who's names I recognize, but can't pull from yhe top of my head right now.

Ok ok,

3) so, the first thing is I actually have irl friends who follow this account, so on the off chance they see this, I'm not gonna talk about my own works, *but*, I do think that one of my short-story/longfics is over-rated. It's got 2 chapters, is unfinished, hasn't updated in years, is full of mistakes and stilted sentences, is frankly a longfic i didnt commit to and need to seriously rework before i continue, and it has as many kudos as all my other works. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for all of them, and I'm really happy that the story made so many people happy! I just think it's definitely one of my rougher pieces, and hopefully now that my schedule is even-ing out i can finally dedicate some time to working on that.

6) yes and no, sometimes I get an idea and inspiration for a short fic and am writing whatever comes to mind in a matter of minutes, and finish it in a caffein induced haze within the week. Sometimes I write a full NotFic (a beat sheet, if you will) and never write a full story. Sometimes I write a notfic, edit it a couple of times, then write a fic. Sometimes I copy/paste the thing into a new doc and just restructure the sentences into the right perspectives, paragraphs, and descriptions, and Bam! Story. And sometimes I do an actual point by point outline of "these are the beats I want to hit, the how doesn't matter, just figure out the details as you go and Get To This Place, and that's the kind of thing that usually leads to my fics that deal more with emotional trauma than anything else, I want the characters to feel a certain way then interact with each other, and I ask myself how I can bring them to that point. The story usually builds itself after that.

8) Oh yeah, all the time. I started writing by writing poetry to express myself, and the media I consumed was, generally, along the same vein. As a kid I liked pieces that were both escapism, and something that tackled my day-to-day problems. So give me magic and dragons, but give me academic pressure and strained interpersonal relationships, too. To this day, that is still my taste in media. I use fiction-writing as a way to vent my own thoughts, emotions, and traumas. I'm always inspired by the world around me, in that sometimes i see a pretty dress and have to think "do I want to wear this dress, or do I want to see a pretty girl in this dress?" And then write both. Sometimes I go "man, that was fucked, Imagine if I made a fictional character go through that too?" And then make the character go through something infinitely worse, yet still come out on top. In that sometimes I find that I'm writing a lot of a trope I enjoy, and then I start examining what about the trope i like, and nine times out off ten some other long-forgotten trauma comes flying out of the woodwork. When I'm writing, I'm doing it to tell a story, yes, but also to examine some aspect of people. Their inner thoughts, the way we interact with each other, our wants and needs, how we treat each other in a society l, and why some normal human things are taboo when the same society allows atrocities. I don't necessarily think stories need to so much have a progression as they need to simply convey something to the reader, much like poetry, and I think that really impacts my writing.

Anyway, sorry that was so long! I have a lot of feelings about fanfic 😂 thanks for the ask nonny!!!

#societysonlooker's asks #just tagging so i can find it again if i need. i do a lot of revlogging

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ecsundance · 4 months

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What is Indie Film?

One of the main goals of this winter term course is to identify what exactly an indie film is. Coming into this course I brought with me some presuppositions that I believed to encapsulate indie film with a satisfactory level of description. Some of these preconceptions included a low budget, a very small crew, unknown actors, experimental or unconventional techniques, unique aesthetic choices that are not typical for a blockbuster film, and the separation from massive entertainment corporations. After reading the assigned course material I am not entirely convinced that these traits I had come up with should be left out of consideration of what indie film is, but they are certainly not requirements.

To shed some light on the conflict of the traits I have laid out in relation to whether they are required of a film to be considered Indie, I turn to Searchlight (2004). The film cost $16 million dollars to make which does not at all fit within the idea that an indie film must have a small budget, and simultaneously it was backed by Fox Searchlight so it is clearly not separate from massive entertainment corporations. For this reason some people would not consider the film indie. Interestingly enough this film went on to have great success, and some regard it with high esteem as an indie film, so much so that the film, "won six 2004 Independent Spirit Awards, including Best Picture" (Newman 12). What is noticeable here is that multiple groups of people can have legitimate claims to the "indieness" of a film. Some hold things like the economic backing and connection to larger production companies as a large part of considering something worthy of the indie title or not, while others are more interested in the stylistic approach. With these conflicting points of view being the case, it seems that if you were to wonder why someone, or a group such as a festival or an art cinema, is considering something indie you must understand their engagement with texts and the medium of film itself.

Naturally this can feel overwhelming, but it is something worth noticing and tracking as the medium continues to evolve. I myself am just being exposed to this world of indie cinema, and have not fully fledged my thoughts on what exactly I am looking for when I say, "I am going to go see an indie film" and to be honest I don't know that I ever will have a concrete definition to provide for anyone.

What I can say is, I have noticed that festivals all around the country that are putting on these indie films have a certain taste that is unique to their geographical area. This unique taste is often the attraction for film festival goers. I imagine these differences in showings have evolved over time and will continue to evolve as that is the nature of film itself. I notice these unique tastes, which is part of the brand of these festivals, by questioning a guest speaker at one of our class sessions. The guest speaker was named Jolene Pinder who has held positions such as festival executive director for the New Orleans Film Festival. She is also, in the year of our Lord 2024, a current Sundance producing fellow. Since the concept of "indieness" varies depending on groups, and more specifically person you are speaking with, I asked her if the New Orleans Film Festival was looking for a specific type of film. She provided an answer, and I am doing her no justice by relaying her answer back to you, that fell along the lines of the festival's focus was on southern and LGBTQ film makers. She then went into detail of the other festivals around the country and their "brand", that is the types of films they are showing. I imagine each of these festivals have valid reasoning to call the films they screen indie, and most likely there is great difference between any two films in regards to style or economics.

It seems to me that a good way to understand indie as a category is to read what others are saying about it, and be sure to read up on what they have said about the concept in the past. In his book Indie: an american film culture, Michael z. Newman also provides some viewing strategies to determine a film as indie. One of these strategies that stuck out the most to me is, "When in Doubt, Read as Anti-Hollywood" (Newman 42). As I understand it currently, it can be a good marker of an indie film if it is unconventional compared to the blockbuster films you see in the theater. This is a feedback loop in the modern day I believe. Indie films seem to be something more people are seeking out, and Hollywood seems to have noticed this and have begun to adopt stylistic conventions of indie films that have done commercially well. This in turn causes film makers to come up with creative ways to subvert Hollywood, beginning the cycle again.

Ben Wilson

#sundance

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stillmuseum · 4 months

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romance books of the year - 2023

As my tastes change and evolve, this is the genre that I have the most difficulty with. I am increasingly frustrated with lackluster writing and character development. Some books can been so superficial or saccharine I feel dumber for having read them. Still, it remains my most read genre, so let’s discuss some of my notable romance reads this year.

Wicked Beauty by Katee Robert (& Katee Robert in general. I read a lot of their books this year 😅)

This one is tricky, because I admire Robert a lot. I think they are brave and unashamed. As a reader, I find their work to be very intentional about content and inclusivity in a way that doesn’t feel like pandering. However, I do not think they are a good writer. Their characters are often underdeveloped. Their plot lines are often underdeveloped. Their world building can be vague to the point of nonsensicality. But, sometimes, the smut is hot, so I keep coming back.

In the context of their work, Wicked Beauty feels like an exception. This particular book is a Greek myth reimagining where Helen of Troy, Achilles & Patroclus compete in a gladiator-like competition designed to determine who will be the next Ares. [In this world, the Greek gods are a mob family of sorts where certain “gods” aren’t so much people as they are a job title - Zeus being the godfather, Ares, his general. This description does not entirely fit. Honestly, it’s confusing. Chalk it up to that poor world building I was talking about.]

Despite it’s conceptional drawbacks, this book was self contained enough, and had a built in competition plot line, that my normal problems with Robert’s writing weren’t a concern.

I have since read 2 more polyamorous romances by Robert and have enjoyed them as well, however, I’m tempted to completely skip any of Robert’s books in 2024.

The Nanny by Lana Ferguson

Oooh, yes, let’s get in to a book that I loved!

This book was such a lovely surprise. A near perfect rom-com.

It features a single dad looking for a new nanny for his daughter. Cue our heroine, a young occupational therapy student looking for a school friendly gig. Sparks fly, and memories resurface. Turns out our dad used to subscribe to our heroine's OnlyFans and ghosted her just when their relationship was about to turn non-anonymous.

So good and deliciously smutty. I wish our heroine felt a little more balanced in her characterization. We know she’s a university student, but we didn’t see much of her life on page, outside of her relationship with the hero and his daughter.

(P.S. The kid isn't annoying at all. Thank god!)

Beach Read by Emily Henry

What an interesting read... this book is very hard to review. On one hand , this book and Emily Henry herself are very beloved. On the other, there is a narrative out there that if you like one Emily Henry you might not like the others. As the romance connoisseur that I am, I knew I had to try her books one day but they didn't seem like my style. She was giving a bit of Sophia Kinsella or adult Meg Cabot. You know, chick-lit vibes. This one sounded like it had the most interesting personal drama.

Our heroine is an author moves into the love nest that her father shared with his mistress in order to sell the house and, maybe, get her writing mojo back. Her neighbor is her college rival and fellow author who is also trying to get his writing mojo back. They challenge each other personally and professionally, all while falling in love. It was cute. I didn't love it though.

There are parts of this novel that hit very close to home, specifically around a parent’s infidelity and how that affects one's memory of them. I love how sensitively it was depicted. My admiration of how Henry wrote those parts really elevates my opinion of this book. I am happy I read it, but I am struggling with whether her other books will be worth my time.

Honey & Spice by Bolu Babalola

I'm gonna be honest, I think I set my expectations too high for this one. It features an enemies-to-lovers/fake dating relationship between a campus activist/radio show host and the hot new fuckboy in town. I thought the writing and character work was good. I appreciated the messiness of the campus relationships. Sometimes, in a romance novel, the world can feel so small - like the 6 characters we see are the only people that ever existed. Babalola avoids this pitfall by crafting a university setting that felt lived in and diverse.

Unfortunately, I don't like reading about people who work in the entertainment industry (or media, in general, really). I was hoping this would be an exception, but the heroine’s radio show is a major part of this book and I really struggled to care. Her activism took more of central role towards the end and it all felt very shallow and drawn out.

In the end, my frustrations with this book really outweighed all the places where it succeeded.

(I read this sometime after my favourite romance books of the year, which both featured characters who work/worked in media. So my distaste for this can be overcome, if I’m invested enough.)

Mistakes Were Made by Meryl Wilsner

I had a soft goal to read more lesbian/women-loving-women romances this year that I kinda failed. This was a really good one though. It is a romance featuring a college student and the mother of one of her best friends. (Age gap romance, plus an additional taboo seems to be a winning combination for me.)

I don't have much to say about this one. The characters had chemistry but their romance wasn't very substantive. If they talked about things other than their relationship, it was implied or completely off page. I will say, it was very spicy. Definitely on the 'erotic romance' end of the spectrum.

In the end, though, this book was 350 pages and I think the plot and characterization were too thin to justify it. Still, it was a good time.

Love, Theoretically by Ali Hazelwood

This is a tricky one. Plot wise, I like what Hazelwood is doing here. In this book we follow Elise as she is applying to a dream STEM teaching job. Complications arise because one of the staff members evaluating the applicants is the brother of a man she is fake dating for extra money. It is convoluted, but it works. The plot actually works. I like how she paced it out. The book never dragged or felt boring.

My problem with Hazelwood is her characters. Usually, they are charming enough to compensate for it, but in this book, our main character feels so empty inside. Some of that comes from the fact that she’s a people pleaser and prioritizes other peoples comfort over her own. The other reason is because Hazelwood decided to make her secret love of Twilight her whole personality. When I tell you this is her ONLY interest outside of science and our love interest, I am not kidding. There is a scene where she confesses to her best friend that although she has only ever watched prestige, Oscar bait films with her for the past however-many years, she has never liked a single one. Not one. After YEARS. She has nothing remotely positive to say about ANY film that she has claimed to care about and watched with her BEST friend. Impossible. You couldn’t give her one nice thing to say?! Does nuance not exist in the Ali Hazelwood STEM-niverse?!

I like Hazelwood well enough to keep reading her, but I am going to be more discerning about which of her books I actually pick up. (For example, I think I’m going to skip her paranormal romance book. I haven’t reviewed any of the paranormal romances that I read this year and it’s because it would be very redundant. You could copy/paste my feelings about this book on to any of those).

Forget Me Not by Julie Soto

Was this the worst romance I read this year… no. But it has the misfortune of being the straw that broke my romance camel’s back. After a year of reading romance books with decent plotting, serviceable writing but flat characters, I have had enough.

There is the potential for good characters here… a wedding planner and a florist who fell in and out of love years ago are now forced to work together for a high profile wedding. I love how passionate they are about their jobs. I love that their family lives are interesting - there’s even a little trauma. But there was a conversation between them that was basically repeated twice, once in a character’s present day recollection and another time in an actual flashback. This repetition didn’t make sense. There wasn’t any new information revealed or even added. I didn’t understand why Soto did that. Why not write a different scene or make their recollection less explicit? Then I thought, “Oh, these are the only scenes these characters have ever existed in.”

It sounds weird to say because, duh it’s fiction. But isn’t that the magic of fiction? That is makes us believe that these characters had lives before we met them and will continue to have lives after we say goodbye?

This wasn’t my only problem with this book but it is emblematic of the kinds of emotional beats that felt off to me and, overall, left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty by Akwaeke Emezi & Seven days in June by Tia Williams

All things considered, it feels apt to end this post with these two books - despite having read them before any of the other books I’ve discussed.

Romance has been my top genre for the past 10 plus years and I think that has contributed to some of my ambivalence around my reading life. On one hand, romance is a very reliable genre for me. I know what to expect, especially from my favorite authors. However, the romance reader space is very fast moving and books can feel very disposable. Romance readers will forgive a lot. (I have forgiven a lot.) On the other hand, as I have discussed, there is so much mediocre writing in the romance genre. There is mediocre writing in every genre, sure, but I am intimately familiar with all the ways a romance novel can be bad and my patience for them has run very thin.

These two books are examples of the best that this genre has to offer, in my opinion, and I have been chasing the high of reading them ever since.

You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty is about Feyi, a Nigerian born, New York based artist who lost her husband very early in their marriage and is still in deep grief 5 years later. As the novel begins, Feyi has decided to re-enter the dating scene - just for fun. Not looking for anything serious. However, despite her intentions, her love life get very complicated, very quickly. It is a character study on loving through grief, full of rich, complicated characters. I don't know how Emezi did it, but every character feels like a main character. Like if Emezi was so inclined, (and I hope she is) she could have a whole Fool of Death universe of spin-offs.

I don't want to say too much, because the less you know the better. I will say, it gets pretty messy and it deals with themes of grief and loss and is a little heavy at times. So, if you don't like the sound of that, this isn't for you. But if you're like me and you like a little mess in your romance books, this is a favourite of the year.

Along that same line, I have to talk about Seven Days in June, which made a big splash when it came out in 2021.

In 2021, I read an embarrassingly low number of black authors. This book and my disinterest in reading it was like a clarion call. I was seeing it all over social media, rave after rave, and my interest was tepid at best. For one, it was a second chance romance - which I thought I hated. It was also about famous people, which is generally a turn off. I don’t remember what finally convinced me… I was coming off the high that was Fool of Death, and I was really excited about the possibilities within black romance novels. Randomly, a close friend started reading it and she was enjoying it so much, I thought, “Why not?”

I was, almost immediately, impressed with the project of this book. It follows the love story of two very accomplished authors who are reunited as adults, years after a tumultuous teenage love affair. It explores themes of trauma bonding, chronic illness, alcoholism, black intellectual elitism, elitism within the literary community, co-dependency and inequity in education. All without falling into kitsch or preachiness, as some romances do. It was serious and honest. The characters were complex and endearing (I freaking love Shane!) It was just everything I want in a romance and, to have that experience back to back, with Fool of Death and Seven Days, it felt surreal.

Later in the year, I read The Perfect Find by Tia Williams in anticipation of the film and I enjoyed it. It never reached the heights that Seven Days in June did for me, but thats okay. It’s gonna be hard to top that experience. It has a lot of the same solid character development that Seven Days had, but it is less ambitious and feels more like a traditional romcom. Seven Days, in contrast, reads like literary romance.

Upon reflection of my year of romance reading, I definitely think I need to lean a little bit more into the literary romance space. That may mean that I am reading less romance in general, but I think that will be good for me. Considering how much romance I read this year, pulling books for this list was kind of sad. Most of them didn’t make it purely on the basis that they were unimpressive, not very good but not exceptionally bad either. That’s not okay to me. Next year, I want my top read genre to be the genre that I found the most satisfaction in. If that genre is romance, I will be very surprised.

#books #romance #best books of 2023 #book reviews #book recommendations #book reccs

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grad604frosinapopovski · 2 years

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Book 1 - Physical Book

Salavetz, J., Drate, S., & Sarowitz, S. (2008). Art of the Modern Movie poster: International Post War Style and Design.

Art of the Modern Movie Posters: International Post War Style and Design Books is a collection of different movie posters around the world after the 2nd World War and it had an influence on design. Looking at countries like Poland, France, Germany, Japan and many more. “The world changed in 1945, and so did the film industry.” It looks into talking how after the war what had influenced the change and development of movie posters in that specific country. Different things impacted it whether it was a part of a continent such as Eastern Europe once known as Yugoslavia that was ruled by communist and how that had an influence. Or in Japan and how the United States of America had put the movie industry and business back on their feet post war. All these concepts show the influence towards the creation of the movie poster. And how these times had allowed influenced designers to change and evolve their style in designs. A lot of the work was heavily based on what was going on in that country after the war such as having protest posters and more.

Analysis of work:

Art of the Modern Movie Posters: International Post War Style and Design Book is a book that looks further into the evolution and change in movie poster post WW2 and why that might be. Explaining further into how these things going on during then had a reflection and influence towards the movie posters. In the book there is a lot of high quality, coloured photographs all layout out clean and easy to look at after the description of the works and country. The whole book is structured well and the contents page allow you to flick through the book and find what country or content you want to read up on next. As well as it shows some comparison of older and newer movie poster. It’s a nicely set up book that allows to read and visually look at each place and each movie poster design and the reasoning behind it. It’s clean, inviting structure of the whole book is very useful to allow readers to look at what the book has more to offer. It’s also really nice how after introducing a new place the reader is presented with a full image of a significant piece of movie poster design before the next page being an introduction.

Evaluation:

This book is relevant to my study topic because, it’s consisted of the different movie posters in different countries, the different contents around the world and how post-war had an influence to the design of the movie poster. Looking into the politics and what is happening on in that country and how that influenced the work. This all is relevant towards my research because it allows me to look into the change and constant evolution of movie poster; in order for movie poster design to stay within the times. Reading into this will allow me to get a better understanding of the movie poster post war. And help me to deepen my research. The whole book will be extremely useful towards my research because the whole book is very in depth on each different location around the world and what actions influenced the change and development of movie posters. I overall just think it will be extremely interesting to learn about and see how different politics around the world influenced this.

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douchebagbrainwaves · 3 years

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YOU GUYS I JUST THOUGHT OF THIS

It was neither of my guesses. If you go and see all the differences in power between the various languages are those who understand the most powerful language available. Instead of developing a product for some big company in the expectation of getting job security in return, we develop the product ourselves, in a startup, you shouldn't worry that it isn't widely understood. I would like. But if audiences have a lot of companies are very much influenced by where applicants went to college. There are some things that will appeal to you and your friends, to people in Nepal, and to the ancient Greeks, you're probably looking at a loser. Either VCs will evolve down into this gap or, more likely, new investors will appear to fill it. Do I really want to support this company? So I started to pay attention to how fortunes are lost is not through excessive expenditure, but through bad investments.

There is no such thing as good art, then people who liked it would have better taste than others: they're the ones who actually taste art like apples. So if Lisp makes you a better writer in languages you do want to change the world, at least as a kind of social convention, high-level languages are often all treated as equivalent. This sort of change tends to create as many good things as it kills. We didn't know anything about marketing, or hiring people, or raising money, or getting customers. The more of an IT flavor the job descriptions had, the less dangerous the company was. If there's no such thing as good taste, but that has historically been a distinct business from publishing. But now it worked to our advantage. It's like saying something clever in a conversation as if you'd thought of it on the spur of the moment, when in fact you'd worked it out the day before. And not just because that's more rewarding than worldly success.

What would make the painting more interesting to people? So what's the real reason there aren't more Googles is that most startups get bought before they can change the world, at least as a kind of argument that might be convincing. I doubt what we've discovered is an anomaly specific to startups. But though I can't predict specific winners, I can offer a recipe for recognizing them. So these big, dumb companies were a dangerous source of revenue. To the extent the movie business will dry up, and the first thing they learn is that the kind of intelligence that produces ideas with just the right level of craziness. Is software a counterexample? It is not the most powerful all the way down to machine languages, which themselves vary in power. Our generation wants to get paid up front.

They didn't want to use it in all his paintings, wouldn't he? This idea is rarely followed to its conclusion, though. You never had to worry about and which not to. I and most of the time about which of two proofs was better. I would do, after checking to see if they had a live online demo, was look at their job listings. Someone with ordinary tastes would find it hard to change directions. Another is to stand close. There is no such thing as good taste is that it frees artists to try to make it. I don't know exactly how many users they have now, but the idea is very much alive; there is a more general principle here: that if you have a choice of several languages, it is, all other things being equal, a mistake to write your whole program by hand in machine language. I had stopped believing that.

Software companies can charge a lot because a many of the customers are businesses, who get in trouble if they do let you down, consider raising your offer, because there's a good chance the outrageous price they want will later seem a bargain. I'd agree that taste is just a matter of personal preference.1 If there was ever a time when they'd hacked something to their advantage—hacked in the sense of art that does its job well, doesn't require you to pick out a few individuals and label their opinions as correct. But we also knew that that didn't mean anything. So Yahoo's sales force had evolved to exploit this source of revenue. Languages less powerful than Blub are obviously less powerful, because they're missing some feature he's used to. We eventually had many competitors, on the order of twenty to thirty of them, but none of their software could compete with ours. They're terrified of really novel ideas, unless the founders are good enough salesmen to compensate. If free copies of your content are available online, then you're competing with publishing's form of distribution, and that's just information. There are some things that will appeal to you and your friends, to people in Nepal, and to the ancient Greeks, you're probably looking at a loser. It was still very much a hacker-centric.

So it is with colleges. The tragedy of the situation is that by far the greatest liability of not having gone to the college you'd have liked is your own feeling that you're thereby lacking something. All users care about is whether you make something they like. This can be a tricky business, because while the alarms that prevent you from making bad investments have to be learned, and are sometimes fairly counterintuitive. So we're in much the same position as a graduate program, or a company hiring people right out of college. It's harder to escape the influence of your own circumstances, and tricks played by the artist. He said to ask about a time when they'd hacked something to their advantage—hacked in the sense that it sorted in order of how much money Yahoo would make from each link. Publishers. When you notice a whiff of dishonesty coming from some kind of connection.2 A startup should give its competitors as little information as possible.

Notes

Y Combinator.

Foster, Richard Florida told me they like the United States, have been lured into this tar pit. It requires the kind of protection against abuse and accidents. Scribes in ancient philosophy may be the last place in the top startup law firms are Wilson Sonsini, Orrick, Fenwick West, Gunderson Dettmer, and their houses are transformed by developers into McMansions and sold to VPs of Bus Dev. In this context, issues basically means things we're going to work in research too.

Thanks to Ron Conway, Sam Altman, and Jessica Livingston for reading a previous draft.

3K notes · View notes

shihalyfie · 3 years

Note

You talk a lot about how the Digimon are born from the kids own souls, would you be interested into describing how the digimon partners reflect their humans' personalities?

Oh man, I love this topic! (You’ll have to forgive me in that my desire to do justice for it is why it ended up taking me this long to answer it.)

The part about the Digimon literally being part of the kids’ souls comes directly from official (it’s been mentioned several times, not only in what I just linked). This was never stated outright in the original Adventure or 02, and it took until Kizuna to really shove the link between the partner and the human’s inner self in your face and make it a huge part of the actual story, but fans had been catching onto it long before that, and even without reading what the staff had said. Kizuna throws a bit of a nail in this because it’s said to be a bit lore-noncompliant, but considering how much of the background lore it still goes out of its way to adhere to, and the fact it still does match the fundamental concept of “human heart = Digimon partner” regardless of detailed minutiae, we can still apply and analyze this concept with no problem, especially since Adventure and 02 always walked the line between sci-fi and fantasy, and there is undoubtedly a spiritual element to them no matter how you look at it.

(My personal comfort zone in analyzing Adventure and 02 comes moreso from a human behavior and mentality perspective, which is also why my meta on this blog tends to focus more on the human drama aspects of Adventure and 02 and especially the latter’s story being so heavily about human relationships, but if you’re interested in said spiritual elements, I heavily recommend @analyzingadventure‘s very comprehensive meta on Adventure background lore and themes, which also covers similar territory in detail. We’re different people, so our takes on it probably differ in some respects, but that’s the beauty of having different perspectives, after all.)

In any case, back to your question. I think it would be best to break this down piece-by-piece with the Adventure and 02 kids in detail, so more is under the cut!

...Well, okay, before we continue, I do want to touch on something briefly, and it’s regarding the fact that “evolution” in this series is generally a metaphor for human growth. That counts for when everyone gets their evolutions, but it also counts as a metaphor overall -- after all, Adventure is about self-assertion and pushing oneself as far as possible (the major evolution gimmick being tied to Crests), whereas 02 is about cultivating differing aspects of yourself and applying it to how you form relationships with others (the major evolution gimmick being tied to Digimentals and ultimately Jogress). The human self is quite a flexible thing, and the Digimon themselves quite often change personalities as they evolve. (I touched on this briefly in my discussion of honorfiics and first-person pronouns earlier, but in Japanese, the Digimon will often even change personalities and speech patterns as they evolve.) This also leads to a few other potential observations (not really corroborated by official, just my personal view of it):

Speaking from a meta perspective, the fact that only the “front protagonists” end up getting the highest level forms is pretty obviously so they don’t have to spend toy budget on allocating it to everyone, but from an in-story perspective, Adventure episode 50 adds an implication that not reaching as high of a form may also have to do with how inherently attuned one is to combat (Jou says that he believes that Gomamon will never reach Ultimate because he doesn’t have the sort of strength Taichi and Yamato do, and it contributes to his conclusion that his skills are more meaningfully applied as a healer instead of as a fighter). Of course, none of the Adventure or 02 cast is necessarily the belligerent type that inherently likes fighting in itself, but of course certain ones are less emotionally drained or more attuned to it, so you might be able to see a rough pattern there. (Again, I’m not going to sugarcoat how this still has a lot of dismaying issues on the meta level, but the difference between “how much this sucks on a meta level” and “whether this at least tracks in-story” is a common theme on this blog.) In a franchise sense, Digimon were of course conceptualized as fighting monsters, but within the narrative of Adventure, it probably stands to reason that having a manifested part of your soul or inner self shouldn’t necessarily mean they have to be fighting things all of the time unless it’s necessary.

It’s very often been pointed out that the 02 cast is at a sort of “combat disadvantage” compared to their seniors (well, and Takeru and Hikari, anyway) because their highest forms require two people/Digimon to be in play, so their overall combat power is rather low. My impression is that this is by design (and it’s a subversion of the usual expectation of shounen anime sequels where the sequel will often power creep everything to make the new guard outdo the first). That the 02 team is inherently dependent on each other for support, and to a degree far more than their seniors, is rather baked into its narrative, and moreover, from an in-story perspective, the 02 group doesn’t seem like the type to really care about being outflanked by their seniors (on the contrary, they’d probably take that as more proof that their seniors are amazing). Moreover, the forms you see their Digimon in most of the time tend towards the smaller Baby-level forms instead of the Child-level ones, and while this is partially due to plot logistics about being in the real world (and, admittedly, kind of inconsistently applied), it gives you a much stronger impression of the 02 kids and their partners in general being people who aren’t that individually imposing or strong and get more mileage out of flexibility and variety (see: the Digimentals and the huge number of lower-level forms the kids have access to).

With this kind of metaphor, I caution against taking it too literally as a 1:1 thing (especially since official has been generally quiet about it and there isn’t much in the series text itself to corroborate this), but I do think there is certainly some kind of relevance that’s worth thinking about.

Many people, including the official notes I just linked, refer to there being some Digimon partners that are "like-minded” with their partner, and some that are “opposite” in personality. This is roughly true, but I find this to be a very simplified description of the concept; it’s more like all Digimon partners are a reflection of the less easily exposed part of their human partner (and, most pertinently, the part that would allow them to express themselves in ways they wouldn’t normally), it’s just that the kids with more straightforward or less extreme personalities don’t have as much to hide or cover up in the first place, and so their partners come off as more “like-minded”. Even Urawa Megumi, voice of Iori and Armadimon (arguably one of the pairs of partners that seem “opposing” in personality), stated that she didn’t personally feel like the two characters are all that different, since humans have different sides to them, and Armadimon is functionally an expression of the side of Iori that isn’t apparent.

Because the Adventure narrative has the Digimon partners be linked to human mentality, this leads to the side effect that you won’t have a Digimon partner who ever truly denies the human partner (barring external factors like Evil Ring-induced brainwashing), which is something producer Seki Hiromi was quite insistent about. That said, this is a very Adventure and 02-specific thing, since other series go more into different angles about how one would approach partnership when this factor is not in play; half of Tamers’s drama regarding partners comes from the fact they are not necessarily mentally linked all of the time, and need to find a way to build a relationship by bridging that gap, and so non-Adventure universe entries are more freely able to explore the concepts of a Digimon partner more consciously entering conflict with their human partner. Well, that’s the beauty of having a multi-entry franchise, after all.

Taichi and Agumon

Taichi and Agumon immediately jump to mind as the first among the “like-minded” pairs, especially since the series shows them so often in sync and chilling together. Taichi himself is a straightforward person, so it stands to reason that his straightforward personality would also lend to Agumon coming off as being rather much like him.

However, there is one slight difference between the two, and it’s that Agumon has a somewhat stronger sense of “easygoing chill” than Taichi does, right down to using the more polite boku first-person pronoun in contrast to Taichi’s more assertive ore. He also lacks Taichi’s penchant for mild insensitivity -- in fact, very unlike Taichi, he has an incredible amount of emotional insight (02 spends quite a bit of time in 02 episodes 32 and 46 to showing off Agumon as someone who makes up for all of his lack of intellectual understanding with emotional and borderline poetic insight). And, really, while Taichi is a bit surface-insensitive, and while he seems to be impulsive, he actually is a conscientious person and is trying his best in his own way, and he isn’t the kind of person who cares about societal things like seniority, and he demonstrates multiple times that he’s easygoing and chill, and so you can say that’s a part of Taichi as well. Remembering that a Digimon partner’s presence helps their own human partner grow, Agumon being so openly friendly helps Taichi maintain good relations with others without running afoul of them.

One of Agumon’s most famous traits is that he likes food, which is not actually something that was in the original Adventure or 02 all that much but has been somewhat exaggerated since. That said, back in Adventure, while it was established that all Digimon regularly need food in order to maintain their evolutions, Agumon would usually be the first to complain “I’m hungry,” and whenever they did get food, Agumon would be one of the most prominently enjoying it. Food is, after all, one of the simplest and most universal of pleasures, and there’s a lot of visual framing of Taichi chowing down just as ravenously as Agumon is -- so, honestly, he probably got it from him.

Taichi also speaks a bit about his pain of being separated from Agumon in the space between Adventure and 02, and he directly refers to Agumon as “the other me”. The word “partner” was not actually used very much in the original Adventure or 02, and Taichi is not able to fully elucidate the sentiment of Agumon’s connection to his own self, but he still understands this much and why the loss cuts him so deeply, and by the time we get to Kizuna, it’s presumably why he uses similar language in his thesis proposal to refer to him. (I already covered the circumstances of Agumon’s relationship to Taichi’s existential crisis in Kizuna and how it led to their separation earlier, so I will omit it here for the sake of avoiding redundancy.)

Yamato and Gabumon

This might surprise some people to hear, but I would also pin this as one of the more ostensibly “like-minded” pairs. Gabumon is shy on the surface, but turns out to be quite passionate -- he uses the same assertive ore as Yamato, in contrast to Agumon’s boku, and he demonstrates his capacity for passion and action in that he’s arguably one of the most assertive in the cast. Note his taking initiative against Yamato’s frostbite in Adventure episode 9, or declaring his intent to stay with Yamato even if it means going against the others in Adventure episode 44, or singlehandedly dragging Yamato out of the hole of darkness in Adventure episode 51.

And, of course, Yamato himself is someone who initially seems a little awkward or detached around everyone, but is actually very passionate, so that’s all the same. And because Gabumon himself is so open about communicating with the otherwise closed-in Yamato, Yamato is able to express himself better over the course of Adventure.

Funny thing about that “shyness”, too -- the idea of Gabumon being particularly shy isn’t present in 02 much at all (we don’t get to see him very much, so it’s hard to say whether it’s completely gone, but it’s at least gone enough for the duration of his appearances). Which is funny, considering: guess who else stopped being shy and became naturally outgoing in 02? Yeah, so, as much as you might hear people (even official!) claim that the Digimon are static while their partners change, that’s not completely true -- the Digimon themselves develop in personality in the same way their human partners do. It’s just more subtle and less drastic, since they’re representing an abstract single part of their personality rather than being an exact match.

Sora and Piyomon

Sora and Piyomon have an interesting relationship in that they’re the only one where their relationship started off on a note of conflict -- mainly in that Sora was very put off by Piyomon at first and even looked down condescendingly on her (well, only for the duration of a single episode). In fact, Sora’s own surface behavior is very different from the kind and caring Sora we know -- Sora dislikes associating with the clingy and affectionate Piyomon for being “mushy”, and even declares that she doesn’t want to “take responsibility” for lugging her around.

Of course, Sora’s character arc later revolves around the fact that she has abysmally bad self-awareness and doesn’t even realize that she has a compulsive sense of responsibility to others. So Sora is affectionate and loving -- she just puts up a front of trying to act a little above that (well, at least, during this part of the series) and doesn’t even see herself as someone capable of being like that (again, purely during this part of the series).

Piyomon is also interesting in that she has one of the most dramatic personality shifts even as early as Child to Adult, where she suddenly switches from the casual atashi to watashi (sometimes even kono watashi, which is super regal), and becomes incredibly dignified and regal even as Birdramon, and you can certainly see why Sora immediately started taking her seriously thereafter. It also begs a lot to think about, considering Sora’s very convoluted character and the many layers of herself that even she isn’t consciously aware of.

The way Piyomon helped Sora shift her own mentality is pretty directly handed to you on a plate in Adventure episode 26 -- because Piyomon played the role of Sora in the metaphor of Sora’s behavior towards Piyomon correlated to Toshiko’s behavior towards Sora, Sora was able to re-adjust her position relative to her family and consider her both someone capable of love, and someone who is loved.

Koushirou and Tentomon

Koushirou and Tentomon are another pair that initially seem like they’re opposing types, with Koushirou being constantly curious and Tentomon being comparatively simple-minded, but the first key to figuring out where the similarity is ends up being a bit deceptive -- Tentomon says in Adventure episode 5 that he’s not particularly interested in himself. And, certainly, Koushirou is interested in Tentomon, but he, too, is not interested in himself -- in fact, he considers himself to be a topic he’d rather avoid instead of looking into everything else.

As far as language goes, while Tentomon does also use the stereotypically easygoing Kansai dialect, he also specifically uses the polite form, mirroring Koushirou’s own perpetual use of polite language. But unlike Koushirou, who uses it to keep distance from others, Tentomon is in fact very sociable, and is even portrayed as a Digimon who’s conscientious of others and “takes care” of them. And because Tentomon is so openly friendly, he manages to coax Koushirou out of his shell and allow him to think about more complicated things related to his own position in the world that he’d been avoiding.

As Koushirou’s character arc proceeds, we learn that he’s polite not only out of distance but also because he really is a very kind person, and moreover that he does eventually want to open up to others. And the payoff for this eventually comes in 02...

...when he ends up becoming one of the most visible members of the older Adventure cast to appear in the series, checking in on the younger kids and developing into someone capable of organizing and managing people. Hmm, seems familiar.

Mimi and Palmon

This one’s an easy one. Mimi is possibly the most straightforward person in the original Adventure cast -- well, that’s the point of her Crest after all -- and so Palmon is almost exactly like her, being a cheerful type who loves being cute. Any contrast between them is only really apparent in the very early episodes of the series, and that’s not even a contrast in theory as much as it’s just something that might intrigue audiences at first when Mimi spent a lot of those episodes complaining, but that’s also mostly because she was heavily under stress, and otherwise Mimi has always been kind and cheerful and indulgent in being cute.

Perhaps the only real difference is that Palmon, being a plant, is more willing to get involved with dirt and other things that Mimi ostensibly would rather not, but as the series progresses, Mimi manages to gain a higher sense of tolerance and get past her initial sense of materialism (which is something she’d had the capacity for the whole time).

Jou and Gomamon

Of the Adventure pairs, this one is probably the one that seems like the biggest contrast on its face, with the overly high-strung and constantly stressed Jou, and the more playful and relaxed Gomamon.

In the end, Jou is someone who’s defined by his desire to support others, and even admits at the end of the series that he’s better suited for a support role than for fighting, and that there’s nothing wrong with that as long as he continues to channel his desire to help people in a way he’s most comfortable with. So, in the end, he’s not actually an inherently aggressive type. And, meanwhile, Gomamon is the kind who’s constantly looking out for Jou, to the point of knowing (such as in Adventure episode 7) when he’s about to do something phenomenally stupid and minding him so that nothing bad happens to him, and so, this is probably why they’re ultimately able to settle down and end the series eye-to-eye (or perhaps hand-to-hand).

And, again, recall that Digimon partners generally reflect a part that’s vital to their own human partner’s growth; considering that Jou is most certainly one of the more extreme personalities in this cast, you get the feeling that he probably needs someone this chill to keep his massive stress tendencies in check.

Takeru and Patamon

Takeru and Patamon are an interesting case largely due to the two of them being so present for a whole two series. In Adventure, both of them seem to be largely like-minded, being playful, innocent, and childish -- although Patamon is more open about expressing the childishness that Takeru keeps trying to cover up. Patamon being roughly on the same playing field (no pun intended) as Takeru means that Takeru has someone he’s willing to be open with and let himself loose a little (such as in Adventure episode 12), because for the first half of the series, he’s almost entirely in the presence of elders and stifling himself for the sake of being “well-behaved”, and it starts his long journey of being able to understand his position and his actual sense of emotions over the course of Adventure and 02.

Patamon also has a striking personality change upon evolving, becoming the regal and dignified Angemon, and, interestingly, his appearances have a very “knight templar” vibe where he takes a no-compromise stance against dark forces and states that he’ll condemn all of them to oblivion. This is a stance that’s unnervingly similar to Takeru’s own no-compromise stance against the darkness in 02, and it’s interesting in that Takeru himself had been advocating for pacifism in Adventure episode 12, but this incident traumatized him enough to start taking a position that more resembled Angemon’s.

As we go into 02, Takeru’s contrast with Patamon initially seems like an increased mismatch, since Patamon is still ostensibly childish and playful while Takeru is ostensibly more mature. But for one, Takeru’s character arc is about the fact that he’s still pretending he’s more in control of his emotions than he actually is, and in some way you can also glean that there’s a sort of naivete present in his character that he keeps covering up with confident smiles. Patamon, for his part, does actually seem to have adopted a bit of a mentor role to the other Digimon, and we also learn that he’s capable of deliberately trolling people instead of just being generically playful -- much like Takeru himself, who’s a bit evasive and not entirely honest.

We do actually see Patamon reach HolyAngemon in 02 episode 34, but it doesn’t work out well, and while this is partially for plot mechanic reasons, it also says a lot that the “knight templar” stance that both Takeru and HolyAngemon have, with the full depth of no-compromise, isn’t going anywhere, and in the end, something more effective is only possible when Shakkoumon appears in 02 episodes 36-37 -- that is, Takeru is only able to better move on with Iori’s support.

Hikari and Tailmon

Hikari is the only of the Tokyo Chosen Children to have a Digimon who “defaults” to Adult instead of Child or lower, and it means that Tailmon herself comes with a certain amount of maturity -- on top of having been become a bit hardened due to her experiences being isolated. This is an ostensible contrast to the more pure-hearted and innocent Hikari, but note that Hikari’s own will can be pretty assertive when it comes down to it. On top of that, as much as Tailmon is a bit standoffish, Hikari is also “emotionally isolated” -- she has trouble vocalizing her negative feelings, and it’s difficult for anyone in Adventure or the first half of 02 to truly connect with her internal thoughts. Recalling that the Digimon partner reflects a side of the human partner that’s less easily exposed and allows the human partner to grow in ways they wouldn’t before, Tailmon’s sheer presence gives Hikari a route to action in ways she probably wouldn’t have beforehand.

In 02, Hikari becomes a little more mischievous and playful, and Tailmon also becomes a bit more willing to indulge (she even switches first-person pronouns in sync with Hikari, going from the more polite watashi to the more casual atashi). Both of them are now more able to enjoy themselves more openly. That said, Tailmon still has a certain degree of stuffy personal pride (she snarks at everyone quite easily for fussing over snacks in 02 episode 3), and Hikari herself remains emotionally elusive and repressive at the start of this series.

Tailmon evolves temporarily to Angewomon in 02 episode 13, which is the first time anyone (in this case, Takeru) makes some degree of headway to reaching out to her and allowing her to open up a bit more, but it’s not until 02 episode 31 when Hikari is fully reached out to via Miyako, which marks the first appearance of Silphymon.

Daisuke and V-mon

Now here’s a very like-minded pair, even more so than Taichi and Agumon -- and, after all, Daisuke is simple-minded, so painfully simple-minded that he’s practically incapable of hiding anything, and so V-mon is almost exactly like him, down to using the same ore pronoun and being feisty and mischievous (a point is also made that he plays soccer with Daisuke, something that Agumon didn’t necessarily do with Taichi), and, heck, in a rare show of Digimon-Digimon crushes, has a crush on Tailmon in the exact same way Daisuke has on Hikari. (By the time we get to Kizuna and its higher animation budget, a lot of attention is paid to having even their body language mirror each other.)

There is only one real functional difference between the two in disposition, and it’s that V-mon is very straightforward, friendly, and kind, without being prone to getting angry or spiteful at anyone, and in the end, it’s indicative of the fact that Daisuke’s tendency to lash out defensively at everyone is just a front -- at his core, he’s friendly, supportive, and kind. Daisuke’s experiences and banter with V-mon contribute to him getting the sort of validation he needed without having to worry about being on edge or lash out defensively, and because of that, he was able to form a healthier and more supportive relationship with the rest of the group.

Miyako and Hawkmon

This one seems to be a contrast right off the bat -- Miyako is bubbly, over-the-top, and rather messy and lacking in restraint, whereas Hawkmon is formal, graceful, and polite. But Hawkmon’s most prominent trait is his absolute loyalty and devotion to Miyako -- he’s very often referred to by both official staff and fans as her “knight” -- and is constantly minding her to protect her and make sure she doesn’t go over her head (most prominently, 02 episode 18). And as far as Miyako’s relationship to others goes -- she’s also devotedly loyal to everyone she loves and is constantly going out of her way to help others, and her character arc in itself is about the fact she wants to do her best to reach out to people and help emotionally support them in the best way she can, and Hawkmon managing to channel that to its utmost extent to Miyako in turn (in a very “who watches the watchman?” sense) allows her to regain her bearings and have better control over herself in the aftermath of 02 episode 18.

On top of that, as the series proceeds, it turns out that Hawkmon also shares Miyako’s penchant for dramatic theatrics and being a bit over his head -- even if he seemingly has himself more together than Miyako does, he’s not completely above it all...

Miyako is also the franchise’s first example of a female character with a masculine Digimon partner, and while Miyako herself openly identifies with and indulges in all things hyper-feminine, she also has zero issue engaging in more masculine-associated things as they suit her -- most prominently her Digital World outfit, and the fact she often displays a rather aggressive go-getter and hot-blooded/in-your-face personality that would not be out of place on a male shounen hero in a more conventional show. (Although, as much as these have generally been on the thread of “less visible aspects”, it’s not like this was that less visible of an aspect of her to begin with...)

Iori and Armadimon

Iori and Armadimon hold the honor of being the only pair in the Tokyo Chosen Children to be voiced by the same voice actress (Urawa Megumi), driving the parallel down even further. And while their surface temperaments seem different, with Iori being rather uptight and strict on himself while Armadimon is laid-back, carefree, and even somewhat assertive, they’re not that different -- Armadimon is basically the curious, impressionable, somewhat childish spirit that Iori would be if he weren’t constantly holding himself back. (There’s a lot to be said about Submarimon going out of his way to take Iori for a ride in 02 episode 16 so that Iori can finally properly enjoy himself for once.)

Iori takes a lot of very stubborn, no-compromise positions over the course of 02, but Armadimon asking just the right kinds of questions allows him to “snap out of it” and be a little more receptive to considering alternatives, or at least taking into account more emotionally-oriented issues he’s dealing with. You can say that Armadimon (especially as Upamon) softening Iori up a bit -- since Iori will never be cold or unforgiving towards his partner, no matter what -- serves as a precursor to Iori starting to question the limitations of his black-and-white view of morality, which allows him to successfully break through to Takeru and fill out the rest of his character arc.

Ken and Wormmon

Considering how much of the plot revolved around this one, this one almost goes entirely without saying! During Ken’s stint as the Kaiser, Wormmon represents the heart that Ken’s not entirely willing to leave behind -- and, also, the affection that he’s still craving from his family. The Kaiser going practically out of his way to deny Wormmon yet paradoxically keeping him around is basically his attitude towards his own “weak” and naturally kindhearted self. Notably, recall that the principle of “a Digimon will never deny their partner” applies here -- Wormmon’s “betrayal” of the Kaiser isn’t really any kind of denial, since he was doing it mainly for Ken’s own sake, and, more symbolically, it’s Ken reaching his own limit and coming to realize that this path isn’t what he really wants.

Wormmon is unusually clingy to his own partner over the course of 02, and it’s vital to Ken needing to learn to love himself and also getting important validation that he needs, especially during the critical point in time during 02 episodes 23-30 when he’s still not sure how to approach the rest of the group -- Wormmon gives him someone to talk to honestly and openly, giving him a proper springboard to sort out his complicated feelings about the others and himself. You can say also that as Ken becomes more open and straightforward over the course of the latter half of 02, he, in turn, becomes much more shameless about showing affection and opening his own heart.

Wallace, Gumimon, and Chocomon

Bonus round!

While it’s hard to fully apply Hurricane Touchdown to this theory (by official admission, it wasn’t properly cross-referenced with the original Adventure/02 series lore, and trying to correlate all of the evolutions in this movie to something metaphorical will give you a headache), Wallace’s two partners still fit very neatly into this overall theory of Digimon partners as a part of the self. Wallace is a character with very sharp duality, trying to be a flirt who asserts himself as a vagrant who’s about to “become an adult”, yet still feels an obligation to keep calling his mom and is engaging in increasingly self-destructive behavior.

Most pertinently, Gumimon and Chocomon represent the two stances Wallace is torn between: wanting to “return to the past” (Chocomon) because he’s still hung up on having lost Chocomon and is convinced that he can make everything just like it was before, and “being able to productively move on” (Gumimon). For most of the early parts of the movie, Wallace is stuck on Chocomon’s mentality of fixating on the past, and Gumimon isn’t even remotely subtle when he draws an explicit parallel between the two (saying that Chocomon didn’t like the heat, followed by offering to give Wallace shade as a hat). But once the conflict escalates and Wallace realizes just how deep in denial Chocomon is, to the point of being destructive to himself and others, Wallace comes to embrace Gumimon’s stance of practicality and moving on. In the end, the ultimate conclusion is reached, and Wallace is forced to fully accept that latter stance when Chocomon dies, but the movie’s ending (and Kizuna) provide an extra option: allowing the past to come back, but in a new form and treading new territory instead of trying to make it “the way it was before”.

#digimon #digimon adventure #digimon adventure 02 #digimon adventure last evolution kizuna #kizuna spoilers #qwertyshuman #shihameta #shiha's ask box

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0aurelion-sol0 · 3 years

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Yo~

What's your opinion on the Will Byers DID theory? If you like it, which version do you like better? Both interpretations seem cool to me, though I personally like strangertheory's version better ^.^

Hi!

That's a very interesting question. I want to start by saying that I am a singlet, so I don't have DiD or OSDD. My knowledge of this condition is primarly known through medias I consume or some more "advanced" psychiatric documents or researches.

DiD is a condition that hasn't been always best represented or accurately represented since this condition varies from people who have it and so while there are similarities, the experience of it is very much unique and personal. It is also something that in a fictional setting with different genres, themes and tones is very hard to pull off or represent unless you go for the very realistic take on it.

It is bound to be, like many other things in fiction, dramatized. And speaking from a singlet perspective, who also had particular problems represented in fiction, I think it's okay as long as it's done right, in the setting, tone and genre it is in.

For example, we have today a lot more LGBTQ+ representation and like everything, unless you go for the fully realistic route, it's going to be simplified and dramatized. There's so many gender identities and sexual orientations today, you have to simplify it. And that goes for many other things that people care about in media, it has to be done right, but the writers still have a story to tell and unless that subject is the focus of the story, they're not gonna always spend their time talking about that. There is a story to tell.

Secondly, if it is the main focus of the story, that is where people have to do their research and really represent what they are talking about. Not some half-baked representation with dull arguments and points that come from a capitalist and conservative worldview. (Looking at you Disney.)

Now what you are referencing are @strangertheory 's and @kaypeace21 's theories which are about the show being about a DiD system where we see different alters evolving in said story with the host being Will Byers.

There is a lot of evidence pointing towards it, I'm gonna let you go see their posts and read it.

But their theories are very different in the way that they see the show portraying DiD, I have actually find quite a great way to describe the two takes.

@kaypeace21 's take is that elements of the DiD system have been externalised through science-"fictional" or supernatural means. Similar to Legion from the Marvel universe.

(David is a powerful mutant with DiD where each alters, if I remember correctly, has a different power or powers. (Which to this day is still one of the most BADASS thing I have ever come across though it must be quite terrifying for David.))

@strangertheory is an internalised POV on the DiD system existing in the show. She believes that what we are seeing right now is what is exclusively happening INSIDE the DiD system and that what we are experiencing is not our standard definition of the "real world". As in the physical world we all know. This would be in very vulgar terms happening inside Will's self, head, mind or brain. In a sense, it would be a more accurate representation of what DiD is about. A Shyamalan twist if you prefer.

(Though right now I don't have any word for word examples of such take, there is a show called MR.ROBOT that fits a bit of this description since there are moments in the show that we are seeing are only happening in the DiD system itself.

I recommend this show A LOT. It still is a bit dramatized but from what I know the DiD representation is quite accurate and pleased a lot of people with DiD. Also some people on the Stranger Things crew worked on that show.)

Now do I love the DiD theory ?

Heck yeah, I fucking love it! And with a big L! (Am I right "The First I love you?").

And I Love both of the takes and I think each one works at explaining the mysteries of this story. I even think that in some ways both could work well together.

I believe that DiD can be, without the meaning of being used, like many things a powerful storytelling "device" since it is connected to so many themes and other writing tools and is linked literally to the psyche, emotions and personalities of the characters.

I can understand why some people like both or one or respectfully and logically dislike both or one of the takes. But it is close to my belief about what the show is about or were even before I came into this fandom or on the internet, not as complex and thought out as the theory itself but pretty close in the overall themes and aspects of it.

(Though it bewilders me how much people lack imagination or are scared of such twist when I have seen so many of those types before whether it's done well or not, accurate or not.)

Now both @strangertheory and @kaypeace21 are intelligent people with very nuanced takes. And they had their fair share of completely unjust controversies coming from either rabbid ignorant shippers, far too sensible people or downright ignorant stupid people, most of the time 16 year olds. I am not saying that they are perfect, no one is, but the hate they have received is completely unjust.

And I am gonna lay it down right here, they are begging for an accurate representation here, they are not doing this because it just sounds cool and is edgy, they are actually wanting that The Duffers pull this off well. They would be very mad if they use all the imagery just to make it look cooler or scarier.

They are not bringer of truths, they are just like us. They are theorists, they believe in something that they think can explain the story they love and are experiencing. And so far, they have a pretty damn good track record.

They are analysing, dissecting the show because it's what they want to do and they believe in it and they believe the Duffers wants them to do that (I mean how come no one believes it when watching a show like that set in the 80's with so many references ?).

It is also supposed to be fun. Have fun for God's Sake! You can disagree with it but calling names and being disrespectful because somehow they don't agree with very basic, lazy and cliché theories (and no it's not being hypocrite, a lot of people barely do the work.) or are not on board with your creepy projection over the characters IS not okay.

And no, they aren't supporting p*d*philia as some people have claimed. How can you read these theories and come up to that conclusion ?

Most people haven't even read the DiD theory or have gone all the way through with it because they are lazy, easily bored people who don't have the time to just relax, process and think.

Stranger Things is not a kids show, some dumb teenage romance drama show with cool monsters! It's a very mature show, with real problems that are treated, out of which is trauma and mental health. Kids are killing people and even dying on this show. There is sexism, racism, abuse both physical and psychological.

It is a very mature and dark show. And you are being disrespectful to the Duffers when you say they are not that smart or that isn't that important. They are putting a lot of thoughts into this and the fact that no one really recognises this annoys me.

Or people only think it's important when it is only about the things they enjoy in the show. (Which is more hypocrite to me.) OR people are very stupid if they truly think that or are just jealous, bitter that two women have more imagination together and individualy than all of them or that person alone.

Color and costume choices, subtext, context, camera angles, directing, VFX, music, editing, sets, props, script, acting and editing are very important. All must be carefully done or you get very bad or generic stuff if you don't. If you love and you are passionate about the work, you put all the details you can into it.

And the Duffers and all the people working with them have already referenced those sort of things AND the practice of what we do on the internet. They are aware, they know because they have been in the same place too. They grew up with stories too, they made theories too whether it's on the internet or not.

At the end of the day, it is just a theory. An explanation of what is unfolding, may unfold or may have unfolded. I believe in it, I think it is reasonable, it has logic and it makes sense. It also has a lots of elements backing it up.

And the Duffers don't even have to go with DiD or mention it. Will creating some of the characters and supernatural events from his trauma is also similar and more accessible to the masses. But a Shyamalan twist can also work if it is done well.

And I am also open to other possibilities and theories, if they make sense and have enough elements IN THE SHOW and everything connected to it backing it up.

If the Duffers write something completely different but it is as good and also explains even better than this theory than I'll be okay. I love being wrong, it makes me learn new things and enhances the way I approach stories in the future.

If the Duffers only used this as some very inaccurate and disrespectful scary/abstract subtext without commiting to it. That is where I will have a problem.

Or write something completely incoherent with the rest of the show with a bad plot twist catering to the main public masses to sell the story even more and just make money so that they are safe with a fallacy of a work of fiction. Because they are cowards who didn't know how to manage themselves and baited entire audiences or listened to some crappy executive who didn't understand shit about the story. (wink wink, looking at a certain something...)

So yeah, I do love the DiD theory and both of it's takes and if it happens and is done right, with of course my perspective on the thing and PRIMARLY the perspective of people who have DiD or know a lot about it, I'll be pleased with it and I think it could be something very important for stories, people, the world and "art" in general.

Thank you for the question it was really fun! I hope I described the theory and the condition in the right way @kaypeace21 and @strangertheory and also the people who are concerned or know about it if I didn't let me know. Also, if you disagree with what I said, the way I said it or the subject itself let me also know IF it's respectful of course.

#stranger asks things #stranger asks #did theory #the did theory #will byers #will the wise #willel #stranger things

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batjokezlovineverything · 3 years

Text

The One That Got Away (Sonny Carisi x Daughter!Reader) Part 1/2

anonymous inquired:

Hii do you fanfics, imagines for SVU? If so can you do a Sonny x reader where you are his daughter and you try to kill yourself after being raped. The team finds out and hunts the rapist down. If you could make it middle length maybe? It’s ok if you can’t. If you can thank youuu

Trigger Warning(s): mentions of rape, description of rape, suicide attempt, self-harm, language, etc..

Reminder: Spoilers from recent episodes of SVU - so Carisi is ADA now. If you don't like spoilers, please watch/start on Season 22 beforehand. Thank you.

You could still feel the touch of him. How he threw you around like garbage. When you look down at your legs, you see reminders of him. That night was horrifying for you. However, you weren't surprised that you were targeted since you're the daughter of ADA Carisi.

Y/N Carisi - you were born on M/D/Y - having e/c eyes and h/c hair. Despite all that, you grew up near the SVU, so you knew the signs but you felt like you were stupid and deserved this. Like it was meant to happen. You haven't told anyone because you felt ashamed. You know (for a fact) that your dad will literally kill the guy - but you don't want him to risk his job for you.

(POV CHANGE - I/IM/ME/FIRST PERSON)

I came home from school and immediately went to my bedroom. My dad wasn't home yet so I just lay in my bed - and do what I've been doing. I just look at the wall and think. I think about the things I've done, the things I've wanted to do, the things I want to do, and the things that I wanted to do but was too scared to do so.

It's hard being an ADA's daughter because I've seen the threats he's gotten. People have cyberbullied me a lot, which isn't a surprise, but it's still not pleasant. Through my dad, I've felt unsafe because of threats I received - and some of the things that have been done to me.

A few weeks ago, I was raped after my dad won a case. The convicted man's family, who is apart of a mafia, seemed to convey hatred against him. I'm not sure if it's one of them that raped me but I just want to block it out. I want to forget it ever happened but it's not that easy. The past few days have been even harder because the thoughts have gotten worse. My dad knows I struggle with my mental health, in general, but he doesn't know why it's worsened lately. He doesn't know that I've started self-harming again.

It's hard to be alone with all these thoughts - because it's getting harder. I look at the belt nearby and place my hand against the leather. I just want this pain to be gone.

(HOURS LATER; 3RD PERSON POV)

Sonny finally arrived home. He had been trying to get a hold of Y/N but he had no luck. He opened the front door to a silent apartment. He was used to the silence but he felt a different feeling - like something was - like a gut instinct. He knew something was up.

He began to call Y/N's name, "Y/N! Are you home?" Silence. Just pure silence. He looked around the apartment and noticed her backpack on the kitchen counter - so she was home.

He went down the hallway and saw her bedroom door barely shut. He opened the door and he felt his stomach turn. Y/N was hanging from a belt. He rushed to her and unbuckled the belt carefully, so she would fall down, but he grabbed her in time. She placed her on the floor and felt for a pulse. It was weak but she had a pulse.

He took his phone out and dialed 911, before putting the speakerphone on and placing it on the ground. He immediately began chest compressions.

"911, what is your emergency?"

"This is ADA Sonny Carisi of Manhattan. I just came home to my daughter who attempted suicide. Please, send some paramedics and SVU here."

He continued the CPR, "Are there signs of sexual abuse?"

"I don't know but something isn't right. I'm doing CPR right now. Her pulse is weak. Please, hurry."

"Yes sir, just keep doing what you're doing. They're on their way."

Sonny continued to do the compressions, hoping she'd wake up, but she was still unconscious.

"Come on, baby..." He mumbled under his breath, as he continued the compressions.

Minutes went by and the paramedics arrived, along with SVU. They rushed into the house and Sonny stood by, as they began to take her vitals and placed her on a stretcher. Sonny felt like his whole world was turning upside down.

Olivia rushed in there, along with Amanda. "Sonny, what happened?"

"I came home to check on her because she wasn't answering her phone, so when I got here - something felt off and went to her room and found her like this..." He explained, trying to contain his emotions.

"Do you think she was raped?" Amanda questioned, causing Sonny to look down to the ground.

"I don't know but she hasn't been suicidal... I've been with her and something isn't right about this."

Olivia watched them take her out on the stretcher, noticing scratches on her arms, before sighing. Sonny was right. Something was wrong.

Hours had passed and Y/N awoke in a hospital bed, looking around to see her dad and some of his friends. "Dad?"

Sonny immediately rushed to his daughter's side and gave a kiss on her forehead. "How are you, sweetheart?"

She remembered what she did and regret filled her eyes. She placed her palms over her eyes and shook her head. "I'm so sorry, dad..."

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Y/N." Sonny assurred but she shook her head, throwing her hands down on the bed.

"I do, I really do, Dad." Y/N sobbed out, tears beginning to flow down her cheeks. Sonny looked at her and grabbed her hand, rubbing the back of her hand gently.

"Honey, why are you sorry?" She began to tug at the IV, trying to take it out. Machines began to beep uncontrollably, "You're safe, Y/N!"

"Dad, you're gonna kill me..." She yelled out in hysterics, nurses beginning to barge in.

"Sedate her!" One of the nurses shouted. Sonny was forced to get out of the room as he watched her fight off nurses.

"What happened to my babygirl?"

"Sonny..." Olivia began as she placed a hand on his back. "I think she's been raped or assaulted."

Sonny felt himself becoming numb and in shock. Olivia had it wrong, or did she? It would make a lot of sense, though. The huge question was why? Why would someone hurt his babygirl? That question ran through his mind.

Hours passed by and Sonny anxiously paced the halls of the hospital. Olivia had gone in there to talk with Y/N. Sonny knew he couldn't do it and just knew that she wouldn't talk to him about it. Not yet, at least.

"It's going to be okay, Carisi..." Amanda reassured, standing up after sitting in the chair for some time. "We will figure this all out but you need to sit down, you'll make yourself sick."

"I already feel sick and disgusted. I should've known something was off. I should've taken off work when her behavior started changing but I thought it was just teenage things. We've all gone through it..."

Amanda tightened her lips, biting the inside of her cheek. It was really unfortunate. The creak from the hospital room's door interrupted the two. Olivia came out with a clipboard, approaching Sonny at once. "I need you to sit down, Sonny..."

Sonny knew exactly what Olivia was going to say. Either way, nothing would stop the anger evolving inside of him. He didn't protect his daughter like he was always promised. He was already blaming himself.

"She was raped about a week ago. His identity is unknown but she said he had green eyes, black hair, pale skin, and dressed very neatly - but she mentioned that he said it was a warning for you..."

Sonny curled his eyebrows together, bringing eye contact with Olivia. He began to shook his head, grabbing the sides of his face, burying his face into his lap. "No..."

"She said he supposedly was a relative of a case you beat recently."

Carisi pounded his fist into his legs, screaming out, "Damn it!"

He jumped to his feet immediately, rushing toward the exit of the building, anger overcoming him.

"Sonny, you can't pursue this case!" Olivia yelled through the distance. "I have the authority to arrest you and I don't want to do that..."

He stopped in his tracks, turning to her. "You won't let me pursue this but you pursued your buddy Stabler's wife's case..."

"Excuse me?"

"If you can help your old partner out, then you can have my back on this... Either way, I have a feeling on who this is, and no one's stopping me - not even you."

With that, Carisi rushed out of the hospital building, leaving Olivia speechless. She looked at Amanda and audibly sighed.

Carisi got home and skimmed through each case file thoroughly, especially recent cases.

Brown v. Powell

New York State v. Senator Graham

Little v. Brewster

Jackson v. Gallagher

As he went past the Jackson v. Gallagher file, he pulled up the list of relatives for the Gallagher case (the opposing side). He saw Michael Gallagher. He was 35 and had all the features his daughter reportedly claimed. He clenched his hands into fists for a moment before hearing the doorbell ring. He snapped out of it and went to open the door.

In the pouring rain, Olivia stood there. Carisi found himself surprised but grateful.

"I'm sorry..." She gently apologized as she dug her hands into the pockets of her trenchcoat.

"We don't have time for that. I think I found a suspect..."

Olivia widened her eyes a bit as he led her to his office. He began to explain the case to her, which was complicated but expressed how one of the relatives had been sending threats since the trial completed. In which, we have Michael Gallagher.

"This is good... He looks just like the guy she described. This is a good sign, Sonny." Olivia admitted as she pulled out her phone. "I'm going to have them test Y/Ns DNA samples and possibly other DNA matches as soon as they can."

"Thank you, Liv."

She flashed a sly smile at him before she headed out. However, Sonny wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon, so the night would be interesting.

#sonny carisi #law and order svu #law and order: svu #lawandorder #law and order #law and order svu imagines #carisi #sonny carisi imagine #sonny carisi x reader #detective carisi #ada carisi

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