#and it fucking sucks lmfao. i am so tired. i need to move out. and i miss my friends and i miss my life and i miss having fewer things to

[pepprs]

covid is such an evil evil disease and an evil evil thing to live through lol

#purrs #this isn’t prompted by anything im just thinking about it. i hate that thisis what life looks and feels like now and it might always be thi #way. i hate that getting covid feels like an inevitability even though i wear n95s and don’t go anywhere but work and have basically 0 #social life and have put my life plans on hold to wait for this thing to pass when it probably never will. i hate that lockdown was better #and easier than this in some ways because at least back then people were still scared and there still felt like hope and there was clear(is #) guidance and free testing and vax sites and whatever. i hate that free testing and public health dashboards showing covid rates and vax s #sites and all that shit have fucking disappeared even though the variants going around now are more contagious than ever. i hate the #mortifying ordeal of being the only person (or one of the only people) wearing an n95 and sometimes the only person wearing a mask at all. #hate that so many things have been lost and we are not taking time to grieve them or make sure that we are okay and will be okay. i hate #being scared every time i swallow. i hate how there is literally no way to tell if you will get long covid and no way to reduce your chance #of getting long covid or covid at all (aside from masks) just ways to make the symptoms less severe. i hate trying to bring people together #and stay away from people at the same time. i hate all the life that covid has taken out of me and the people i love even though thank god #know more people who haven’t gotten it than who have but actually that may not be true idk. and i HATE that because of covid and how #egregiously badly it has been handled everyone is just like.. perpetually tired and sad and we’ve accepted mass illness and death and #accepted that disabled people (esp those who are marginalized in other ways) are disposable when actually no fucking human being is #disposable and everyone should be able to live happy connected healthy lives and we could’ve ended this shit in EARLY 2020 without having t #deal with any of this absolute fucking NIGHTMARE. like god. i remember sobbing hysterically thinking we would be dealing with covid for 18 #months and now we’re coming on 3 fucking years and lockdown is over but the danger is even worse than it was and like.. no one cares anymor #and it fucking sucks lmfao. i am so tired. i need to move out. and i miss my friends and i miss my life and i miss having fewer things to #constantly worry about and i can’t believe how good and simple life was before this stupid shit. #delete later #i wasn’t planning on going on a huge rant lol sorry it’s just what’s on my mind this morning

[artekai]

Wow, they weren't kidding. Those nightmares can really hit you in your fears and anxieties

Vent under cut (if you read you have to promise not to judge and not to let it affect your perception of me)

I just dreamt that one of my friends texted me something along the lines of "Hey, I need to level with you. I found a romantic partner, and while this hasn't happened before, they fulfill all of my needs so let's not talk anymore" so basically just telling me they didn't need me anymore because they had a partner now so I should stop talking to them. And I know it sounds stupid and like it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things (it's certainly far from the worst I've had), but fuck has it been hard not to be afraid I'm gonna be left alone lately, and my brain just had to spell it out for me. I swear my heart physically hurt when I woke up lmfao, that's how bad it scared me.

I have to imagine it would be easier to deal with the actual, concrete, physical problems I have irl if I weren't also constantly anxious about losing everyone I care about. I'm a terrible friend so I don't see why they shouldn't get tired of me soon and move onto someone better. I know at least they deserve better. And what else do I have going for me if not my friends? They're the only reason I'm still sane. Fml.

I hate that I'm like this. I hate that it genuinely scares me to the point of making me feel physically sick. I've been getting the urge to self isolate again - granted, I've been busy and exhausted so that also makes it harder to socialize - but a part of me still can't help but feel like it would be easier to take it into my own hands, to strike first so it doesn't catch me by surprise. It's my fault that I'm afraid to lose anyone, anyway, for daring to let myself get close to them in the first place. But it always feels so good at first, doesn't it? I always get carried away by that feeling, even knowing what's inevitably coming, sooner or later.

I can't help but think I'm a horrible person for thinking that way, too. I literally come here and publicly display red flags every other day lmao. So I don't understand how my friends still think I'm worth being friends with. Why they didn't jump ship early on like the ones who did. They were right. I'm not worth the risk. I really aren't.

I don't know what's wrong with me, but there is something really wrong going on deep inside, and I really do feel it every day. No matter what I do I'm gonna end up hurting someone I really care about, either by pushing them away or pulling them in close, and I'm not sure which possibility scares me more. I should've stayed alone when I had the chance. It's not fair of me to drag others down with me - to drag really good people who don't deserve it down with me. Just because being alone was starting to hurt me. How selfish, isn't it? It was downright stupid to think I could do things right this time. I don't think I really believed it, I just wanted an excuse.

I really do hate myself a lot. I hate this is how I am, and how I feel, and how I think. I just wanna curl up and cry and forget there is a world outside of me at all. What I've really needed for a while is a shoulder to cry on. But when I try to open up to someone it feels like they jump straight to offering advice or trying to cheer me up or just get uncomfortable and change the topic, and, if they don't, I feel pressured to wrap it up quickly so as to not burden them too much. So how am I expected to open up when it feels like I'm not welcome to do so in my own terms? I'm so sick and tired of bottling shit up. I just want to let things suck sometimes. Because they suck and it's exhausting to pretend it doesn't affect me.

Sigh. I really do just need to break down in someone's arms. But really I just wanna lay down and die. Fml.

#vent #personal #negative #delete later #passively suicidal thoughts cw i guess

[sirenascales]

Hiya! I should definitely start this by saying that I love, LOVE your works ahh. <33 I’m so glad you opened the anon bc I’m shy af when it comes to requesting🥺

I don’t know if you write for him but if you do, I’d like to request a fully NSFW dom!Kunikida x fem!Reader fic with the prompts “You want me to give you your notebook back? You’ll have to make me.” coming from the reader and “You better shut that pretty little mouth before I put it to work, doll.” from Kunikida, I thought it could be fun 😈👀 dominant Kunikida who angry-fucks makes me go weak at the knees

You can include any kinks you want, I’m OK with anything, I’m even more OK with choking and degrading kinks so yeah😇

Thank you so much if you ever decide to write it, if you’re uncomfortable feel free to ignore <3

note: so... this turned out... a bit different? lmfao im sorry, i hope this is still okay. I really just couldn't make him super aggressive or like super kinky? I really don't see him being like that... definitely a bit soft dom-y but thats about it 😩 still, i liked how this turned out and i hope you do too!

warnings: nsfw, smut, smallest bit of angst,

-> Taking Kunikida's notebook hostage. 18+

You could tell by the twitch in Kunikida's eye that he was livid. Beyond pissed off. He was already four minutes behind for his commute to work, yet he couldn't leave. Why? You were basically holding his precious notebook hostage, holding it tightly to your chest as you stared at him defiantly.

Kunikida took a deep breath through his nose, closing his eyes briefly in an attempt to calm himself. "Please, give me my notebook."

"No."

His teeth clenched. "Give me my notebook."

"You want me to give you your notebook back? You’ll have to make me," were the words you spoke next, your lips curling up when Kunikida's face goes completely blank, his green eyes just boring into you.

"I'm going to ask you one more time," his tone is even, though still with the bit of edge that had a chill going up your spine. "Please, give me the notebook. I am already late for work."

That struck a very deep nerve inside of you, your chest blooming with anger as you snarled at him. "Work, work, work! It's all about your fucking job! Well, you're not getting your notebook back, so suck it!"

As you turned on your heel and stormed away from Kunikida, he watched you with wide eyes, his mouth slightly opened as he is hit with a suddenly realization. He saw the hurt which flashed in your eyes before you walked away, and that made him surge forward to follow you, right into your bedroom.

He knew exactly what you were doing by acting like a brat and talking back to him. You were purposely trying to instigate a reaction from him, to make him act, and he was more than inclined to do so.

"What are you still doing here?" you asked, a bite to your voice as you glared at him. Kunikida closed the bedroom door and you watched as he slipped his glasses off his face, setting them down carefully on their rightful place on the nightstand. "Don't you have a job to do? I'm sure Dazai is waiting."

Kunikida is silent as you continued to huff and puff, keeping his eye on his notebook still held against your chest. He slipped off his vest, hanging it on its hanger and putting it away. He he started to looses up the red ribbon around his collar and you just furrowed your eyebrows at him, taking a few steps back as he finally approached you.

"You- What are you-" His large hand is then suddenly clamping over your mouth, successfully shutting you up as he leaned down to stare straight into your wide eyes.

"You better shut that pretty little mouth before I put it to work, doll."

Another chill goes down your spine, your grip on the notebook finally loosening up and it begins to fall. Kunikida skillfully catches it, quickly holding it up high as you suddenly leap forward in an attempt to grab it.

"No! Give it back!" you yelled almost desperately, and the look that Kunikida fixes you with makes you freeze in place.

"You are in no position to make orders here, doll," he says to you, setting down his notebook on the dresser before turning back to you. "You wanted my attention, right? Now you got it. Take off your clothes and get on the bed."

You couldn't contain your glee, a huge megawatt smile growing on your face as you did as told. You couldn't ever defy him, not when he was like this. It made your heart race, skin tingling with anticipation.

It felt so good to finally feel Kunikida's warm skin on yours, to feel his strong hands hold you, claim you, as his. He wasn't rough with you, no, but as always, you were pliant under him. Always so reactive to his touch, his fingers expertly pinching your nipples, making you moan deeply against his lips as he kisses you deeply.

You missed him so much.

You clung onto him tightly, taking his kisses in earnest, and soon his cock as he finally, finally pushes himself inside of you, moaning deeply together with you.

"Shit," he curses while you whine, your head tilted back against the pillow as he slowly started thrusting in and out of you. He took your hands from his shoulders, his fingers lacing with yours as he held them down against the bed. As he continued to slap his hips against yours, fucking you hard and deep like you deserve, the sun shining from the window reflected off the rings you each had on your respective ring fingers.

"D-Doppo..." you moaned his name deeply, whimpering which each thrust he made into your heat, the pleasure he never fails to bring you making your mind go hazy. All you could feel was him, after what seemed to be so long.

You've been so lonely, your husband so caught up with work. He would come home late, and too tired to do much with you. You will always love him for how dedicated he is but... you were a priority too. You had to do something to finally have his attention back on you. What better way was there than to take his notebook? It obviously worked.

He was holding you so close to him, making love to you, his wife. It's what you deserved, and he knew that, and he knew that he has been neglecting you, taking your love for granted. It was shameful of him, really, but he planned to make it up to you.

But first...

"Come on," he grunted, sitting upright before he pulled you up, making you straddle his lap. You wrapped your arms around him tightly, his hands finding purchase on your hips as you started to ride him. You matched your thrusts with his, tossing your head back when he presses a thumb to your clit, rubbing it in tight circles. "Come on, need you to cum..."

"I love you," you cried out, looking at him with blown out, teary eyes, your lips swollen and plump. Kunikida couldn't resist kissing you again.

It didn't take much longer for your orgasm to finally wash over your body, your mouth wide open in a silent scream as your body tensed up, toes curling and your mind going blank for a second. Kunikida continued to fuck you through your orgasm, soon coming to his own release. He didn't think twice before cumming deep inside of you, his face pressed against your chest as he cursed and grunted repeatedly.

You fell back on the bed after Kunikida pulled out of you, heaving as you tried to catch your breath. Kunikida fell on his back beside you, equally tuckered out, his face sheening with sweat.

"Wow..." you whispered before covering your mouth, giggling softly.

Kunikida just sighed beside you, turning his head to look at you fondly, and apologetically. "I've been a terrible husband."

Your mouth fell open. You didn't want him to think that! "Wait... no-"

"I've been neglecting you. For that, I am terribly sorry." Kunikida just continued on and you just shook your head quickly, moving your hands to cover his mouth.

"You are not a terrible husband," you told him firmly before pulling your hands. You both frowned. "I just... I missed you a lot. I know you are dedicated to your work and I love you so much for that but... I don't know, it just made me feel like I wasn't... a priority..."

Kunikida's entire body stiffened, his mouth falling open. "H-how does that not make me a terrible husband?"

"Because!" you exclaimed, waving your hands a bit wildly. "You aren't! Every day I wake up so proud to be your wife! I just... had a moment of insecurity..." You chewed on your bottom lip, knowing that you probably weren't making sense. But it was how you truly felt, and you wanted to be honest with him.

He seemed to understand it, Kunikida nodding his head before he sat up, looking around the room. "I need my phone..."

You blinked. "For what?"

"I'm taking time off," Kunikida answered and your jaw dropped. "My wife needs her husband now," he continues, glancing at you with a small smile. "Plus, we need to have a conversation about this, so something like this won't happen again."

You smiled back at him. "So your notebook won't be held hostage?" you teased, giggling when his eyebrow twitched.

"Yes. Exactly."

You giggled again, leaning forward and pressing a sweet kiss on his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Requests are closed!

#bsd x reader #kunikida x reader #bsd smut #kunikida smut #yeaaaah

[babyboibucky]

Kinda Like It When You Lie

Pairing: Destroyer!Chris x Reader

Summary: You discover the reason why Chris has been lying to you about his whereabouts.

Word Count: 2.9k

Warnings: le smut, le angst, le toxicity but a sorta happy ending I guess???

A/N: I tagged everyone in my Everything Bucky tag list because why not lmfao okay but no, I’m not sure how often I will be writing fics for Seb’s other characters so I won’t be having a separate tag list for that yet. If this isn’t something you’re not interested in, feel free to ignore skskks

I am dedicating this piece to @lookiamtrying​ who got so pissed off that her mans Chris got a lower vote count than Mickey (prior to the release of Monday) when I did my character fic survey lmfao ilysm, Mina!!! This was also inspired by FLETCHER’s If You’re Gonna Lie

MAIN MASTERLIST

Chris kissed you as if it was his last day on earth. It made your insides twist in a blissful way, the kind of kiss that literally took your breath away and made your head spin. You could feel your lungs burning up from the lack of oxygen and yet you didn’t want to pull away.

All you could focus on was how his lips moved against yours, how his tongue danced around your mouth as if he owned you. And in that moment, he really did.

You got lost in Chris— his taste, his rough palms against the smooth expanse of your skin, his weight on top of you as he pressed you down against the cheap motel bed.

It wasn’t until you tried to touch Chris that you realized he had restrained your wrists with something cold and hard. Pulling away from his fervent kiss, you glanced up and saw that he had both of your wrists handcuffed against the headboard.

Tugging at your wrists, you let out a chuckle. “What’re ya, a cop?” you asked.

Chris breathed out through his nose, “Kinda.” he rasped out before taking your bottom lip in between his teeth, tugging at it before sliding his tongue back into your mouth.

You moaned into the kiss and opened up your legs to fully accommodate Chris’ huge build, his pelvis thrusting against your clothed core making you whine against his lips.

“You gonna arrest me or somethin’?” you asked playfully, tilting your neck to the side as you allowed Chris to nip at your skin, his thick beard scratching you much to your delight.

He pulled back to look at your eyes, “Only for stealin’ my heart, darling.”

-

What you thought was a one-night stand turned into something more. Not that you were complaining, in fact, you’d quickly fallen head over heels for Chris. How could you not when he was the most honest man you’d met in your entire life?

After that first night, Chris told you everything about him and his job. An FBI agent who needed to go undercover as a drug dealer in order to infiltrate a huge drug syndicate. He had been undercover for a while now and it was consuming, he said. That’s how you found him drinking alone at the bar you worked at.

“You planning to consume our entire stock of beers or what?”

Chris let out a breathy chuckle as you placed two more bottles of beer on his table. The man had been in the bar for hours now, drowning his miseries away since his arrival. You noticed him as soon as he sauntered into the bar— all beard and tattooed muscles on display with the denim vest he wore.

“I’m sorry.” he huffed out and you were surprised at how soft spoken he was despite his tough exterior. “Work’s been stressing me out, is all.” He explained with a firm smile.

You couldn’t help but return the gesture, “Thought you were stressin’ over your girl.” You smirked.

Chris narrowed his eyes at you, tongue darting out to lick his lower lip. “Got no girl to come home to.” He said, voice an octave lower and a little bit rougher.

You bit your lip and shrugged, “Man like you can easily find a solution to that.” You said and winked before heading back behind the bar, swaying your hips a little more than the usual.

By the time you reached the bar, you looked back at Chris and caught him staring with a certain look in his eyes.

The same look he would give you whenever you get mad at him for coming home late. The look that always won you over no matter what.

-

“You said you’d be home by eight, Chris. That was four hours ago.”

Chris rubbed his face and dropped his keys on the tray by the front door. You watched him with suspecting eyes as he trudged towards you, eyes tired yet apologetic.

“‘m sorry, sweetheart. Went out with the guys, you know how it is.” he said and tried to reach out to you but you were quick to step back.

“Could’ve texted me, y’know? I made dinner, your favorite. Got cold and decided to throw it in the bin when you didn’t show up.” you said, shaking your head in disappointment and turned around to retreat back into the bedroom.

Chris caught you and gripped your waist in his strong hands, preventing you from further walking away. He pulled your back against his chest, nuzzling his face into your neck as he whispered apologies into your ear.

“I’m sorry, babe. Let me make it up to you, huh?” he murmured roughly into your ear. “Wanna make you feel good, make you forget my sins.” he teased, earning a soft chuckle from you.

He sucked the skin beneath your earlobe, making your knees weak and your core throb. Chris gently turned you around to face him until your eyes met his-- dark and still apologetic, you wondered why because you’d already forgiven him the moment his hands touched your skin.

Your question was immediately forgotten when Chris kissed you, tongue quickly finding its way into your mouth. His kisses were always so urgent, so hungry and feral.

He always kissed you as if it was the last time.

Clothes strewn everywhere, raspy grunts and high pitched moans, sweaty bodies moving against each other. Every single time you and Chris argued, it always ended the same way, with you giving in to his sweet words and hot touches.

A hand on your nape kept your cheek pressed down onto the mattress as Chris pounded you from behind. Laying flat on your stomach, you could feel every ridge and every vein of his cock as it dragged against your walls. Gripping the sheets tightly, your knuckles turned white as you slightly lifted your ass up earning a harsh spank from Chris.

“You fuckin’ like it when I fuck you rough?” he growled, spanking your ass again before squeezing it into his large hand.

You whimpered at the cold sensation of the rings on Chris’ fingers, wanting it to mark your skin as soon as he was done with you. You moaned when Chris pulled back until only the tip of his hard cock remained in your tight pussy. Tears gathered in the corner of your eyes when he pushed your nape further into the mattress at the same time he slammed back in with such force that made you elicit a sound akin to a wail.

“Right there, Chris!” you wantonly pleaded, your drool soaking the sheets beneath you.

“I got you, baby. Gonna fuck you so good you’d forget what you were mad about.”

And forget you did, not just once, not twice. Not even thrice. Every single time Chris came home to you smelling like someone else’s perfume when he claimed to be out with his friends, you always ended up willingly forgetting about it. Chris had you wrapped around his finger and you knew it.

You knew he was lying about his whereabouts and the thing was, you chose to believe in it.

Because with each lie that slipped past his lips, came the sweetest apology followed by a promise to make you feel good and Chris always delivered.

You’d rather hear Chris’ lies than to hear his goodbye just so you can have him in your bed again and again and again.

-

The last lie you tolerated was when he forgot about your anniversary and came home the next day, all moody and grumpy. He went straight to the bathroom, mumbling about how he was tired from work and you didn’t know whether he was lying again or not.

You’d believed too many of his lies by now that you couldn’t even determine which ones were the truth and which ones weren’t.

“Happy anniversary to us, Chris. In case you forgot.” you said as soon as he got out of the shower.

Chris’ face fell, eyes refusing to meet yours from shame. He should be ashamed and so should you, because you’ve tolerated his lies for a year now and no matter how much you wanted to confront him, you always ended up forgiving him.

“Fuck.” he cursed. “I’m sorry, it’s just that...the buy bust operation was last night and it slipped my mind.” he said.

And there it was again, the look in his eyes that turned you into a moaning mess beneath him as soon as his lips found yours. Whenever Chris would lie, it always seemed to be so fucking worth it. Because he always fucked you senseless until you were stupid for him, enough to let him get away with his pathetic excuses.

But not tonight, because as Chris bent you in half with his cock slipping in and out of your wet cunt, you promised that this will be the last time you’d enjoy the aftermath of his lies.

“Come on, baby. Give me one more. Want this pussy to milk my cock dry, c’mon pretty girl.” he urged, slipping a hand in between your sweaty bodies, his thumb swiping at your clit until stars exploded behind your eyes.

His name was chanted out like a prayer, your lips red and swollen from being kissed and bitten. A few more hard thrusts and you felt Chris spill his seed into you, warm ropes of his cum painting your walls. He carefully slipped your legs off from his shoulders before laying down on top of you, pressing open-mouthed kisses on your chest as the both of you caught on your breaths.

“Where were you last night?” you asked, voice barely above a whisper.

Chris turned his head to you, trying to read your face but you kept your gaze on the ceiling. Tears escaped your eyes as you laid on the bed, blinking them away when they wouldn’t stop spilling.

“I want the truth, Chris.” you added, wiping your tears with the back of your hand.

The bed moved when Chris sat up, reaching for your face and turning it to wards him. Your lips were trembling, fighting back your sob. Chris closed his eyes and shook his head.

“I’m sorry.” he said.

“I don’t want your apology, Chris. I want the truth, please.” you begged.

“I can’t stay with you anymore.” he said.

You frowned and sat up, bringing the sheets up to cover your naked body. “Who’s she?” you asked. “I know you’ve been seein’ someone behind my back, I want to know. Who is she? ‘nother FBI agent? Or someone you met while you were undercover?” you were more of mad than hurt now, all your suppressed emotions finally resurfacing and begging to be released.

Chris swallowed and refused to meet your gaze, “It’s...it’s not like that.” he said.

“The fuck you mean, Chris?” you asked.

There was silence for a brief moment, as if Chris was gathering up all the courage he had left in him. And then he looked at you with the same guilty, apologetic eyes again. But it was different now because you knew that there wouldn’t be anymore lies which meant no more sweet talk and no more Chris in your bed until the next morning.

“I never cheated on you.” he huffed out. “I’ve always been...with Erin.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You were a part of my undercover. The leader of the drug syndicate I was trying to infiltrate frequented the bar you worked at. Needed to get as much as information as I can and I easily got that when we started—”

Your hand trembled after landing a solid slap on Chris’ face. Your heart ached, your vision spun and suddenly, nothing made any sense to you anymore. All this time, you thought that was Chris was being unfaithful to you when in truth, he was cheating…with you.

Now you finally understood why he always kissed you as if it was the last time, why he looked at you with those apologetic eyes whenever he came home late, whenever he lied.

Chris told you the entire truth, that he was at the bar during an operation and not after. He manipulated you into believing that everything he told you were real, that he was a good and an honest man, that Erin was nothing but a partner at work.

“When you said you love me, was that a lie too?” you asked, voice breaking because this was too much. Everything was too much.

Chris held your face in between his hands, rubbing his thumbs across your cheeks, “No. No, that wasn’t a lie. I do, I love you. As soon as the operation was done, I couldn’t say goodbye. I always said I’d tell you the truth but I couldn’t. I wish I hadn’t met you like this.” he reassured.

You pushed him away and covered your face with your hands, unable to believe that for an entire year, you’d dedicated your life and your love to someone who had been using you.

“Does she know about me?” you asked.

Chris nodded, “She does.”

You scoffed, “She fuckin’ pities me, doesn’t she? Probably told you to take your time, ‘cause the truth will fuckin’ ruin me.” you said and chuckled bitterly.

“You used me, Chris. Fuckin’ used me and made me a goddamn fool. Is Chris even your real name? Who the fuck are you?” you asked.

“I lied about everything except for two things. My name and when I said I love you.”

You shook your head, wiping away your tears. You’ve finally woken up, brought yourself back to consciousness and decided to accept that Chris was never honest and that not once did he become yours.

“Liar.”

-

Picking up the pieces of your broken trust was very much like working with the shards of a broken mirror. At times you came out unscathed but for the most part, you were left wounded and bleeding and in pain.

Putting all the broken pieces back together was definitely not easy and it took you years to do so. No matter how careful you were though, the mirror was never completed. There were ugly cracks and everywhere that you couldn’t hide and there was a missing piece. But that’s alright, because you tried to put yourself back together and you weren’t perfect but at least you did your best.

The bar you started working for was quite new, which explained how busy it was even on a slow Wednesday. It wasn’t as big as the old bar you used to work at, but this was newer and catered to a more classy crowd.

No rough bikers, no FBI agents going undercover, no funny businesses.

“Two bottles of beer for table seven.” your manager called out, “Thought it’d be slow today, boy was I wrong.” she commented to which you chuckled.

Taking out two ice-cold bottles from the fridge, you weaved through the crowd and tables until you reached your destination. Placing the bottles on top of the table, you asked the customer if he wanted to order something to go with his drinks.

Taking out your notepad, you finally looked up and was met with a pair of familiar blue eyes. You almost didn’t recognize Chris if it weren’t for those eyes. He was no longer sporting a buzz cut and had longer locks, his beard had grown out but was well-trimmed. His tattooed arms weren’t in full display and instead of the usual denim outfits he wore, he was merely clad in a plaid, maroon button down shirt.

“Hi.”

You couldn’t help but scoff, “Let me guess, you’re undercover and your target is a frequent customer here.” you said.

Chris laughed mirthlessly and shook his head, “I quit from that job years ago.” he said, much to your surprise.

“You stressin’ over your girl?” you asked.

“Got no girl to come home to...anymore.” Chris replied, those damn apologetic eyes making your knees weak once again.

You rolled your eyes at him and placed your notepad back in your apron, “If you’ve nothin’ else to order, then enjoy your beer. I guess.” you said and turned around but was quickly tugged back when Chris grabbed at your wrist.

Scowling at him, you eyed his hand and then back up at his eyes. They didn’t look apologetic though, you realized, he was giving you the same look but something was different.

You just didn’t know what changed.

“I did love you.” he said. “And I still do and I want to come home to you again.” he quickly added, tightening his grip around your wrist as if he was afraid to let you go.

Surprisingly, there was not an ounce of anger left in your heart. It had been a complete three years since the incident. He left you feeling used and broken but you managed to fix yourself. Not completely, but enough to find it in your heart to forgive Chris for what he did.

“I want to believe you, I really do. But it’s hard for me to do that now.” you explained.

Chris nodded in understanding, “I know but I want to start over again. Make things right, if you’d let me. No lies this time, just me and my truth.” he said, his thumb rubbing soft circles against the inside of your wrist.

Honesty. Pure and genuine honesty— that’s what changed in the way Chris looked at you. There wasn’t any guilt in there anymore, no hidden agendas and whatnot.

Just the truth and the missing piece you never knew you needed to complete your mirror.

-

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#bbb writes #oneshots: destroyer!chris #destroyer!chris #destroyer!chris x reader #destroyer!chris x you #destroyer!chris angst #destroyer!chris smut #sebastian stan

[ac3id]

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pairings: Sub! Kaminari Denki x Dom! FemReader

warnings: characters in this story are 18+, crackfic if you squint, sharing of risqué pictures, phone sex, mutual masturbation, porn with a plot basically  dom yn, sub denki

word count: 2.6k

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we hope you  like it!!! 

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You stretched your arms behind your back. After a long day of paperwork, you were tired. You bent your fingers one by one until they released that satisfying ‘pop’ sound. Relaxing yourself in your chair you reach for your phone. You go through your social media, text a few friends and then your eyes fall onto boyfriend’s contacts.

Kaminari Denki or better know as Chargebolt. The aspiring Pro-Hero who  graduated from U.A and now the 23 year old was on his journey to becoming a memorable hero. But right now, he was on his bed resting. The blonde had been hit by an energy draining quirk which made it impossible to do athletic tasks. He was advised to rest and that’s what he had been doing for the past three days.

                                                 Dankie

You[23:31]:

You[23:31]: hOWS my FAV BOI DOINGGG ???????????????

Dankie[23:31]: >:(

Dankie[23:31]: traitor ass biTCH

You[23:32]: DENKI LMFAO I SAID I WAS SORRY SILHAKD

Dankie[23:32]: u didnt come visit me today:'''(

You[23:32]: yeah,sorry about that:(((if u werent so fucking clumsy i wouldnt be stuck doing extra hours of EXTRA paperwork>:(

Dankie[23:32]: gO GET THAT BAG Y/NNIE BBIE

Dankie[23:32]: n e ways

Dankie[23:32]: ei missed juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Dankie[23:32]:

You[23:32]: didnt kiri visit tho

Dankie[23:33]: he did but :( ur better

You[23:33]: dfjhskjfd ik i am

Dankie[23:33]: playing uno with him isnt that fun cuz that bitch ALWAYS wins , u lose all the time lmfao i leik winning against u

You[23:33]:

You[23:33]: hows your injury tho bb<3

Dankie[23:33]: idk im gonna go to work like day after tommorrow

Dankie[23:34]: n e ways

Dankie[23:34]: how was your day, beautiful

You[23:34]: terrible, old hag keeps piling me up with work.i dont get paid enough to deal with her shit

You[23:34]: i stg gonna murder her one day.

Dankie[23:34]: awwww my poor ynnie here have a picture of your beautiful boyfriend to light up ur day:)

You[23:35]: its 11 in the night denki

Dankie[23:35]: just let me have this one thing please,

Dankie[23:35]: I HAVE A PICTUER SOMEWHERE IN MY GALLERY WAIT lOOK

Dankie[23:35]: admit it,u ken not resist ur beautiful boyfriend

You were about to text out a sarcastic reply, your fingers hovering over the send key when you noticed Denki had sent a disappearing photo.

Dankie[23:35]: [image8166.jpeg]

You press your thumb over the button to view it in full size,

probably one of his dumbass selfies again

you thought to yourself.

“The fuck!?” you almost scream, eyes blown wide at the sight.

Before you knew it you were confronted by the sight of a dick, his hand wrapped around it resting against his abdomen, spurts of cum decorating the head of his cock and onto his flushed body.

It looked so inviting, so hard and sexy waiting to be played with. It turned you on.

You gulped as you took it all in.

In all honesty the sight made your mouth water, your tongue reaching out to wet you lips as your breathing quickened, your core heating with arousal. Your thoughts running wildly as you inspect the picture, fingers trembling ever so slightly as you work your fingers to quickly take a screenshot of the picture

Dankie[23:35]: u still there yn?

Dankie[23:35]: o shit.yn im so SORRY

Dankie[23:36]:SHIT SHIT IM SO SORRY YN I DIDNT MEAN TO MY FINGER SLIPPED FUCKFUCK IM SO SORRY I UNDERSTAND IF YOUR UNCOMFORTABLE

Oh Fuck!

Sucking his lips into his mouth, fear took over his senses as he realized that you were about to receive his nude out of nowhere.

nonononononono nO! This couldn't be happening. No!'

Denki quickly pressed the power off button at least eight times, hoping that would change something, but he knew very well it wouldn't. His entire face flamed with embarrassment.

He opened the chat again just to check if it actually sent. Maybe he still had the chance to delete it. He was met with disappointment, the air surrounding him growing heavier, your prolonged silence was making him freak out even more DAMMIT DENKI !!

Dankie[23:36]: Y/N please say soemthing please,

The dreaded 'typing' box appeared on the bottom of the screen, he mentally prepared himself for rejection. Maybe if you ask about it, he could just pretend he didn’t know what you were talking about. Fuck, how did he manage to fuck up this bad?Just then, the sound of his notification stirred him from his thoughts, indicating a reply from you. He reached for the phone,

You[23:37]: that’s a pretty dick, denki

You[23:37]: mommy would love to play with it.

OH My God. Denki internally screamed. He did not know what he was expecting. Granted you both had started going out just recently, a slip up like that was bound to set you off. He expected you being  reluctant about the situation and brushing it of.

He thought of what he should reply and stared texting. His fingers smashed against the keyboard as butterflies danced in his stomach. He could feel himself get hard.

Dankie[23:37]: you’re making me horny, mommy

You[23:37]: fuck, you’re such a naughty boy

You[23:37]: tell me how badly you want me.

Dankie[23:38]: please, my dick is so hard for you right now. I can’t think straight.

Denki’s heart beat quickens whilst he wait for you to reply. His hand slips down his sweats as he starts palming his cock through the cotton of his sweats.

You[23:38]: you like it when mommy talks to you like this, don’t you babyboy?

Dankie[23:38]: yes i do. please don’t stop

You[23:38]: you think you can send these pictures and not face consequences?

You[23:38]: is this turning you on?

Dankie[23:38]: yes. goddamn.

It was a moment before he responded and when he did, he sent an image. Upon opening it, your throat dries out. You see the outline of his erection through his boxers you gulp again as your eyes feast on the main focus of the picture. It made your pussy throb. You couldn’t stop staring, not even when another loud 'ping' sounded through the room.

Dankie[23:39]: Oh God, please fuck me.

You[23:39]: are you teasing me?

Dankie[23:39]: ...what if I am?

Dankie[23:39]: y/n i want you so bad. are you alone right now?

You[23:39]: yes i am.

You[23:39]: such a little slut, aren’t you?

Dankie[23:39]: yes, only for you

Dankie[23:40]: God, you're good at this.

His fingers were pressing the ‘call’ button before he processed his move, thick arousal mixed with frustration clouded his thoughts. His hand palming himself through his boxers and his leg bouncing up and down in anticipation as his phone rang for you.

Your phone lit up with an incoming call.

“Hey, babyboy,” you spoke as soon as he picked up, teasing him. Your voice sultry and low making Denki gulp. The dirty talk was really getting him going.

“Just hearing my voice has gotten you so bothered, huh?” you smirk, feeling your nipples hardening and poking through the fabric of your work shirt

“I'm so lonely and needy right now-”  He shyly admitted, “I need you so bad.” finding himself blush bashfully for you. Flattered and embarrassed at his blunt confession, but still desperate for you. He could hear your breathing on the other side of the phone, it was quick, excited. You heard him take in a deep breath; you could almost see the pink painting his cheeks.

“You’ve been a naughty boy, sending me pictures like that. Tell me when did you take it? Who were you thinking of when you touched yourself?” you rasp into the phone making him gasp.

God, this was like a dream

“It was for you! Everything, You!” He sounded desperate, clinging to release as his member throbbed harder. Biting down on his lower lip, inching to hear your commanding voice over the static.

“Is that so? Well, I am flattered.” Denki smiled to himself hearing the praise. “But, do you seriously think you should be allowed to cum? After all, you touched yourself like a shameless whore. Not to mention, without my permission?”

Denki’s smile fell as he started mumbling apologizes into the phone. He promised he’d never do anything like that ever again. Please, just let him cum.

“You heard me,” You taunted, “Bad boys don’t deserve mommy’s help.” you say, your voice faking disinterest. “Please.”  he begged pathetically. Trying to convince you to help him out.

“Please help me cum.”

“Really?” You scoff, a teasing smirk appearing on your lips. “You seem to be doing just fine on your own.” apologies come rushing over the phone,  “No, no, please! I’ll be good. I’ll be a good boy! I’ll do anything!” he pants, biting the corner of his lip as his hand hovered over his erect shaft. “P-Please, Mommy!’’

You bit back a whine as you clench your thighs together “Okay,” you start, voice as smooth as silk. “Why don’t you reach down and touch yourself for me? Make yourself feel good,”

Denki relishes as hearing your command. He quickly puts the caller on speaker and places it on the stool next to his bed. His fingers pull his sweats down to his thigh, his boxers soon following. His hard cock rest against his stomach, the tip flushed and angry; pre-cum leaking from the slit. His right hand firmly grasp it while his left reaches for his phone.

He moans your name as he pumps his cock using the pre-cum as lube, he hisses and groans lost in utopia until he hears your voice again. “You don’t get to cum until I tell you to.” you smirk at him failing to stifle his whimpers, clenching his eyes shut as he took a deep, steadying breath before he responding. “Okay, Mommy.” he blushes, submitting himself to you.

Taking the base of his length into his hand, putting the phone closer to his mouth so you could hear his heavy breathing as he traced a finger along the vein decorating his shaft, he moans softly feeling sparks of pleasure erupting throughout his body. Moving his thumb to his drenched tip, vigorously rubbing himself the way you had instructed him to — the action making him crazy, Denki didn't even try to hold back the moans erupting from his mouth as he fucked his hand, wishing it was you.

“You sound so good jerking off to Mommy’s voice.”

“Feels good, huh, babyboy?” you ask. He hums nodding his head. “Feels so damn good.” His hand leaves his dick, coming up to his mouth and spitting on it. Using spit as lube as he began to rub himself, hips bucking against his hand; whimpering your name as his back arches up slightly, the pre-cum and spit making it easier to move his hand quicker moaning and hearing you doing the same. He could hear your breathing get heavier,the anticipation of you masturbating too made his even harder if that were possible.

“There’s a good little slut.” you say with a normal, leveled voice while he struggled on the other side of the phone. You listen to him jerk off, pumping his shaft and moaning out your name. Hearing him pump his cock up and down, you pictured his sitting on his bed, flushed face hand stroking his cock cum oozing out of his slit. Maybe you’ll ask him to lick it up later.

“Are you wet, Mommy?” His voice is soft followed by heavy breathing. “So wet. You have no idea.” your raspy voice filled the empty room.

“I want to taste your pussy, Y/N.” he moaned into the phone. You slip your hand down over your clothed cunt, rubbing against your swollen clit. “Is that so, Denki? Wouldn't you like that? Me sitting on your face? You can eat all you want.”

“God, your pussy sounds so good.” Denki moaned as you adjust the phone closer. “Oh fuck, Denki!" you moan as you sunk down onto your fingers. The scent of sweat and lust lingered through his nose, he scrunched his eyes shut and his head pressed back into his pillow. His mouth was gape open, breathing heavily as he moaned loudly into the phone. “Shit. Mommy." he cursed.

“Mommy, I need your pussy.” you hear him beg, “W-wanna feel it a-around me. Milking my cock s-so good, wanna f-fuck you until you scream,” he speaks between choked moans. You wonder how he’s gotten so bold. “I would fuck your tight pussy so good.” you don’t doubt him at all.

Your fingers rub against your velvety walls, your hips bucking into your hand as you rolled your clit swiftly between your nimble fingers. “I’m gonna fuck you so good once i get my hands on you, babyboy.”

Speeding up his pace, imaging your face Denki let out a growl. Imagining you hovering over his pinned body as you whispered the most dirty words into his ear while pleasuring him. “F-fuck, Y/N.” he whispered, dropping his head back against the pillows as his eyes squeezed shut, his back arching wildly. There was no way he was going to last much longer.

The familiar feeling soon washed over you, your pussy pulsing and clenching around nothing with each delicious rub of your fingers against your clit. Your heart beat fast, your body tingling from the sensation it gave you. Your nether regions throbbing in pleasure. You almost fell, your legs quivering going limp

His stomach was clenching and he knew he was going to cum any second now “Please keep talking. Just a little more, please,” he begged breathlessly, continuing his thrusts for just a little while longer to get over the edge and you did just that.

“I- I’m so close mommy. Can I c-cum?” He bits his lower lip, trying to control his breathing. “Since you've been such a good boy. You can cum, baby.” you said breathlessly.

“Thank you so much, Mommy.”

“I want to hear you while you cum, baby. I want you to feel good, I want to feel good with you.” you choke out.

You wait patiently for his response but it doesn't come. After seconds of silence, you pulls your device away from your ear only to be greeted by the dark screen.

“Oh. He hung up?” you murmur out loud, a bit sad but you decide on not to dwell on it as you slip the phone back into your pocket, figuring his battery might have given up on him. After minutes you hear you phone start buzzing.

Dankie[01:20]: Baby NO. I’M SO SORRY MY PHONE DIED

Dankie[01:20]: Y/N PLEASE SOME BACK I DIDN’T MEAN TOOO

Dankie[01:20]: Y/N PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE COME BAC

You[01:21]: im here!

Dankie[01:21]: i m so sorry my phone died

You[01:22]: did you cum?

Denki feels his cheeks heat up again.

Dankie[01:23]:

A few moments later. A video clip appeared in the chat, you opened it much too quickly.

In the video, Denki had his hand wrapped around his shaft while his other hand was palming over his balls. He pumped himself, “I’m gonna come for you, Mommy.” It appeared he had situated the phone so his entire body was captured by the camera. Your eyes traveled down to his toned body, drinking the sight in. Moan escaped his parted lips, opening his eyes and staring at the camera with playful eyes. His jaw hangs open as he finally releases all he had over his stomach, chanting a string of your name and curses.

“Fuck, I really wish you were here now.” You heard him hiss “Really wish this was your mouth instead of my hand.” he whispered, his agile fingers move swiftly as he collected the white substance and then moving his hand upto his lips. Parting his lips swirling his tongue around his digits, sucking off the creamy substance and moaning louder for you. His eyes darkened with lust and hunger as he swallowed down every last drop, moaning at the taste of his warm cum causing your breath to hitch as much as he let out a series of seductive,soft pants.

“Why don't you come here and ride my cock?”

Your walls tighten around nothing and you immediately got up, your chest heaving as you attempted to catch your breath.

You[01:43]:im coming over. gonna make sure you end up in the hospital for weeks after i'm done with you kaminari denki.

Dankie[01:44]: osiht (｡+･｀ω･´ )

Dankie[01:45]:

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[poguesgold]

how did you feel about season? i know most people liked it better than season 1 but i’m not sure how i feel yet🤔 might need to rewatch it

okay this ended up soooo long so i'm giving a tl;dr review here and if anyone cares to read my insanely long thought dump you can feel free. this part is spoiler free also!!

cons: i think they should have further developed the s1 storyline rather than conjuring up an entirely new treasure and conflict; i don't think they did the characters justice a lot of the time, particularly kie and jj; too much yelling and running not enough hanging out; the finale cliff hanger was a stupid writing choice

pros: cleo!!; pope-centric plotline!!!; amazing jjpope moments in the improv sequences; never a boring moment; rafebarry oh my god????; neck kiss shirtless wrestling holding hands standing unnecessarily close jjpope rot; just a straight up nine hour long adrenaline rush and i love that shit.

overall: i definitely did not like it more than s1, but i still REALLY loved it. i think it's worth the watch, just don't go into it expecting good writing or realistic injuries or a comprehensive plot LMFAO. what saves the season is the pogues' chemistry and their improv sequences, for real. and cleo. you WILL get angry about the shitty script and characterization if you’re really invested in that part of things, but as far as vibes and dopamine high it was awesome. it was a fun watch and i'll definitely rewatch at least once to soak it in properly

please this is going to be soooo long i apologize in advance. but i have a lot of thoughts. also ⚠️⚠️spoilers ahead!!⚠️⚠️

most of this review is going to be criticisms tbh so sorry for that but this show kinda sucks (affectionately<3)

i thought season 2 was an absolute TRAINWRECK as far as writing goes. jonas pate was basically like. this season we're going to have an even BIGGER and BETTER treasure!!! but the exact same thing is going to happen. like. we already had gold. and that's what they were going to the bahamas for at the end of season 1 for anyway????? it would have been so easy to just develop the original storyline further, i just cannot figure out why they would completely abandon it for another mediocre storyline. (i LOVED that this other mediocre storyline was pope-centric and the main character energy he was given this season. but. they. could have done that?? with the first storyline?????)

i hate that they brought big john back so so much. SO much. literally it was the stupidest most idiotic lazy cheesy plot choice in the world. it doesn't make sense, we like saw his literal bones at one point like his lifeless corpse, and WHY would they bring back a key character from the PREVIOUS ARC when they created an ENTIRELY NEW CONFLICT AND PLOTLINE FOR THIS SEASON???? jonas pate stuck it in for shock value and cliff hanger in hopes of securing a season 3, and i hate him for it. he's such a terrible writer white men have it so easy

someone in the neck kiss truthers discord earlier pointed out that jb's dead father returning after like a year and a half of thinking he was dead would probably be more traumatic that healing at this point, and i agree so much. also, you know that they're not going to use it for good either way. they're going to use his dad coming back as a way to further traumatize him somehow because obx writers are jombeephobic. and i wouldn't put it past them to bring him back just to kill him off again. jonas pate wants to write john b torture porn and i am TIRED of it

my least favorite thing about season 2 was the characterization. they really did just disregard the characters they created in season 1. kie was completely ooc for like three episodes, and it wasn't because she was mourning. it was just shitty writing. she had no character outside of her relationships this season, which has been my fear from the very beginning and why i have never wanted kie with any of the pogues. season 2 diminished her character to the female love interest, and that just sucked so bad for her.

whether you're a jjpope or not, season 2 completely changed their friendship dynamic. the only time we got glimpses of the season 1 jjpope dynamic was in the improv sequences when rudy and jd took it upon themselves. also during their hugs LMFAO. which is also an acting choice. the writing completely disregarded their friendship and dynamic. it was weird as fuck it was all weird. i also hated that kie and sarah's scripted interactions were just them talking about boys. another case of friendships again being completely disregarded for the cishet relationships. 

i just really feel like all of the characters were handled poorly this season, which is crazy because literally ALL we asked for was backstory and character development and pogue screentime. but jonas pate instead decided to write ten episodes of nonstop running and yelling and fuckinf adrenaline, with an ooc script. for funsies

i feel like the magic of season 1 was lost. the vibe of season 1 that makes it so comforting and rewatchable and lovely is sort of just lost in all the silly plot. we see snatches of it here and there, but they feel crammed between unnecessary action scenes and stunts and shouting when we would have been happy with ten episodes of the pogues hanging out in each other's bedrooms.

NOW IM GOING TO TALK THINGS I LIKED OKAY OKAY

i seriously DID love watching it. we pulled an all nighter in the neck truthers discord and binged the entire season and the adrenaline of that kept me going for the rest of the week. it was literally fucking insane absolutely batshit and i LOVED it. the writing was horrible but like. it's obx we know it isn't good LMFAOO. it's part of the charm

i definitely don't like it more than s1, but i did still like it a lot. i LOVED how pope centric it was, like he fr had such main character energy this season and it was wonderful. even though the storyline was weird and didn't make sense jd did so well lolol he did so wonderfully. i loved seeing pope get the attention he deserves this season.

JJPOPE MOMENTS. i was definitely sad they didn't have an arc to themselves like they did season 1, but oh my god jd and rudy FED US with jjpope improv moments this season. the NECK KISS? the WRESTLING? every single one of their hugs?????? they're insane. it sucked that they really didn't have any scenes alone but we take what we can get.

SPEAKING OF GAYS LET'S TALK ABOUT RAFEBARRY. because?? oh my god??? first season it was like a crack ship and then season 2 came out and... what are we supposed to do ignore it? they are literally??? gay????? it's jarring they're insane. i am so so invested in them it's kind of unreal how deep i got into this ship in such a short amount of time (follow @rafebarry babies <33)

cleo. i love cleo. the best new thing to come out of this season for sure. clarah is coming strong i can feel it and i am SO ready. i know that they're most likely going to move toward a cleopope romance next season, which i don't hate? i'm bothered only because a) it's obvious it's mostly being done to get pope out of the way for jiara, and b) i think people often push two dark-skinned characters into a ship just because they're both dark-skinned, and that yucks me out. but i will say i really liked their moments together in s2 and i think they could be really good together if they're canon s3 (which they probably will be.)

overall like. it was a fun watch. i retained like 2% of the plot i was just there for the vibes and dopamine high and that was totally fine. i want to take the pogues out of jonas pate’s greedy little white man fingers and give them the character and relationship development they deserve, but we can’t have it all i guess. the cinematography this season i think i liked better than season 1, wasn’t a huge fan of that weird yellow filter tho. also the lighting. obx lighting guys get demoted challenge. umm yeah season 1 supremacy but season 2 had amazing vibes

#jesus clearly i haven't talked about this enough yet #send in other asks if you want i'm absolutely insane #sorry if there's typos i am not reading through this again #if i'm incoherent you'll just have to deal #asks #s2 asks

[kiribakuhappiness]

Oooo fic ask game-

7: Were there any ideas you had for "A Secret Admirer" that you couldn’t make work? What were they?

And

4: Tell me about one of your abandoned WIPs. Why did you abandon it?

Fic Ask Game:

7: Were there any ideas you had for "A Secret Admirer" that you couldn’t make work? What were they?

Ahahxbha - there were SO MANY things that I wanted “A Secret Admirer” to be, and while it didn’t exactly turn out quite like I planned, I still really enjoy it for what it is and am happy that others enjoy it too!

Secret Admirer was a really big deal for me because it was my first multi-chapter project that I was determined to finish. What a lot of people don’t tell you about writing is that your story changes as you write it, and a lot of people don’t like that. They clam up, they shut down, they try to stubbornly cling to the original draft because they can’t see the story as anything other than how they envisioned it when they first came up with it - but this is all just one big mind game!

Usually, the original draft you begin a story with is so not as amazing as you think it is. You want to believe it is! Because it’s your story and you love it and everyone thinks their baby is the cutest one of the whole bunch! But the reality is that as things grow and gain substance, they start to morph and change, and it’s up to you as the writer to follow these changes and adjust accordingly. Usually the story you end up with is 10x better than the story you started with because by the end of it, you’ve written a whole story! Your writing is already so much better! Your skills have already improved and you haven’t even realized it yet!

It’s so crazy - who needs drugs when you can get high off this feeling, right?! (It’s me. I need the drugs. But regardless - )

For Secret Admirer, I had a few very important key points when I was mapping it out. I wanted the puking scene with Bakugou (because it was a hint at Bakugou’s suspicions that Kirishima was his secret admirer), I wanted the bathroom scene with Midoriya and Todoroki (because it would help shift further suspicion onto Ochako’s new-found friendship with Bakugou), I wanted the interaction between Kirishima and Tetsutetsu where they discuss Class 1-B’s conversations about Bakugou (because it would help widen the pool of suspects while simultaneously pushing Kirishima closer to his breaking point), I wanted Tokoyami’s scene (because it was HILARIOUS), and I wanted Bakugou to show Kirishima the text conversation at the end of the story (because it would help to tie in his perspective without actually having to switch POVs because at that point why even bother, the rest of the story was solely in Kirishima’s POV and so I wanted it to stay like that).

Literally everything else I came up with while I was writing it. The whole chapter about breaking into the school was totally unplanned and yet I really enjoyed it because it felt like a well-deserved comedic break like the infamous Episode 8 Beach Scenes, and the whole bit about Kirishima throwing his pencil at Bakugou’s head during their exam - these were all moments that I didn’t plan for but I’m really glad they made it in the story!

As far as what I was originally thinking for the fic and how it turned out, though, I don’t think there’s any ideas I couldn’t really make work if I thought that they were important enough to include! I guess I really don’t like how I wrote certain scenes or how I expressed certain emotions, but aside from that, I’m happy with the story for what it is! A light-hearted, goofy mystery with Kirishima being insecure and Bakugou not understanding cause uuuh, you’re MY best friend?? You think I’d ever be friends with a loser?? C’mon now Kirishima, fucking get it together. LMFAO!

4: Tell me about one of your abandoned WIPs. Why did you abandon it?

Oof. I have so many abandoned fic babies :(

A lot of the time I abandon a fic merely because I’m not having fun with it anymore, which is kind of dumb because the cold hard truth about writing is that no matter how much you love your story, fuck, you’re gonna get so damn tired of it before you ever even finish it. I promise you that. And that’s okay! Obviously you’re going to get tired of it, you’ve been staring at the damn thing for 18 chapters or 150,000 words or whatever at this point!

The hardest thing about being a writer (because writing is soooo easy and everyone can just Do It) is sticking with a project even after all of that initial ecstasy and serotonin has worn off. There is not a single multi-chapter fic I’ve written that I’m not glad is finally fucking finished lmfao! But now it’s done and it’s out in the world and other people can enjoy it for the very first time just like you did! And that’s where the reward comes in.

I think one of my more popular abandoned fics (I haven’t explicity decided it’s abandoned but I also haven’t written in it for several months nor do I ever really plan to get back into it) is Bunch of Fucking Idiots.

I know, I know. You love Bunch of Fucking Idiots. I do too! Seriously! But... my perspective on literally all of the characters has changed so drastically since I first started writing that fic that now even my own characters feel too OOC for me :,D

It was really fun while I was writing it - and I really believe in Bakugou’s character development in that story - but god, I just don’t want to write it anymore. And that sucks!

But at the same point, I would rather thank the fic for what it has given me in regard to my writing ability and turn around and actually finish writing something else, like ExplodoKillzHorror or Katsuki’s Wedding Studio! And I think as long as you’re continuing to learn and grow that it is absolutely okay to decide that you’ve outgrown even one of your own fics! You’re not the same person you were ten months ago and you’re not the same person you were yesterday, that’s the beauty of personal growth!

This all also explains why I love one-shots way more than multi-chapters = it’s one and done! I can construct and tell a fun and engaging story and then when it’s done it’s done and I can move onto the next thing, but I enjoy reading multi-chapters so much that sometimes I convince myself I can finish one too :,D

Thank you so so much for the questions! I hope these answers are somewhat enjoyable to read lmao, I’m having a lot of fun talking about it at least so that’s something! <3

#ask game #writing ask game #kiribaku #kiribaku fics #bnha #asks

[thecreelhouse]

sweet spot \\ part 1

Paring: Steve Harrington x Original Female Character (Lex)

Word count: 4,803

Summary: modern AU where Robin tells Steve about cam girls, and he falls hard for a stranger on the internet. Modern romance! This is the most ridiculous thing I’ve written yet, sorry, not sorry. Smut, obviously. But it’s cute, too. Part one of two!

Warnings: language, webcamming, smut, low-key daddy kink, that’s it basically

A/N: got this ridiculous idea last week while listening to doja cat’s cyber sex, and here we are? I haven’t written any sort of smut~~~ in like.... 8 years. Sorry if it’s obvious how rusty I am lmfao. Aged the characters up just a tad, too, but it is talked about like all the events of ST happened, just in present times lol. Separated into 2 parts bc it’s so lengthy. Hope y’all enjoy it at least lol. If not, just uhhh... ignore this. Title is from “sweet spot” by Kim Petras!! btw, for real, shoutout to all sex workers, y’all hustle harder than anyone.

Friday nights are usually meant for going out, partying, the usual reckless shit that most mid-twenty year olds get into. Another Friday night had rolled around, though, and it was another one that Steve was spending home alone.

It’s not that he didn’t have any friends- he ended up moving out of Hawkins with his best friend, Robin, and they’ve been roommates for several years now in the city. After high school, and wandering college and career options- all failed attempts- he decided it was just best to enjoy life in the moment, stop worrying so damn much about what his parents wanted for him, and move out. It could’ve been better, but he struggled with the majority of his generation, without the work they wanted, with or without a degree.

So, he’s made the best of what he could since. And even years later, he’s not too sure how to spend his downtime now that it’s not filled up with chasing after unhinged teens who have taken it upon themselves far too many times to become monster hunters. How do you go from protecting a bunch of kids (protecting- more like, taking sucker punches for everyone, literally), to having too much free time for yourself. Is that even possible?

Steve was flopped on the couch in his and Robin’s apartment, mindlessly scrolling through movie options on whatever streaming service had the best choices these days. His thoughts were clearly elsewhere, as nothing seemed like a good enough distraction.

It’s not even that he minded being such a homebody these days; it saved money, and it was an easy going life compared to the bizarre events he stumbled through in Hawkins years ago. It was peaceful, quiet. Sometimes, a little too quiet, though.

Steve never liked to admit it, but he was lonely these days. Robin saw right through him, though, and would manage to drag him out to the bar some nights, trying to be the best wing-woman she could be, but no one ever caught his interest anymore. Everyone was too similar to other girls he’s dated before, or didn’t want anything serious at all, or found him to be too clingy- the list could go on, really. He tried to ignore it altogether, as it just made him feel worse.

It was easier to spend time alone when you couldn’t break your own heart.

Sure, sometimes, the occasional one night stands weren’t the worst if Steve was in the mood, but that was even hard to be excited for these days. He was tired of how empty it felt, and longed for that intimacy with someone he was really, truly connected with. Not just for looks and small talk.

And, alright, fine, sure, he didn’t need a relationship and sex and all that in between, nobody necessarily needs it, but it didn’t mean he didn’t want more with someone genuine. Someone he could care about. Someone he could love.

Breaking his familiar cycle of lonely thoughts, Robin slammed the door open, laughing to herself and stumbling through the doorway.

“Well, at least one of us had a good Friday night,” Steve thought to himself, shaking his head at his best friend.

“Steeeeeeve,” Robin slurred, skipping over after she kicked her shoes across the apartment.

“Robin.” Steve deadpanned, and Robin’s cheery, drunk smile flipped into a frown. She dropped to the other side of the couch, studying his face, wondering what had him upset tonight.

“You shoulda’ gone out, it was lotsa’ fuuuuun!” She giggled, curling under a throw blanket. “Lotsa’ pretty girls. You missed out.”

Steve hummed to himself, rolling his eyes at Robin. “Did I? Not like you came home with anyone.”

Robin lightly smacked his arm, “Hey! Dingus. Maybe I didn’t want to bring anyone home. Kinda depressing when you’re here moping around all alone and shit.”

“Gee, thanks, Rob.”

“I just think you should get out more! You’re not gonna meet the love of your life wasting away on this couch.” She grumbled, arms crossing. “You don’t have to keep binge watching these shows alone, you know. Bet there’s some cute girl out there that looooooves being a homebody just as much as you do.”

“You say it like it’s a bad thing. Some people like going out, some people don’t. It is what it is.” He countered, and she scoffed back.

“Say that as much as you want, but it’s not gonna get you laid-“ Robin’s smartass comment was cut short by Steve throwing a pillow at her head. “- god, you’re so moody lately too. You definitely need to get laid.”

“Shut up, dingus.” He said, going back to scrolling through the tv choices again. Robin stole the remote back from him, though.

“That’s my line!” She snapped, laughing. Steve cracked a smile before diving headfirst into another pillow, wanting this conversation to end. “Jesus, would you at least leave this couch today? Go read a book, knit a hat, watch some porn-“

“Robin!” Now he really wished this conversation would end.

“Well I’m not the one who’s got all this,” Robin threw her arms wildly over her head as she continued, “pent up frustration, or energy, or whatever!”

Steve sighed before mumbling, still face first in the pillow, “I hate even talking about this,” his head finally turned a little, only so he didn’t suffocate, “but not even that is exciting for me anymore.”

Robin rolled her eyes, at his dramatics. “Steve, as your best friend, your wing-woman, and roommate, please, go fucking hook up with someone already. Your stress is stressing me out! I mean, for fucks sake, go watch a cam girl or something if you don’t like going out anymore.”

Steve’s head turned more, finally sitting back up with brows furrowed in confusion. “A what?”

Robin mirrored his expression, “Dude, it’s 2020. How do you not know what a cam girl is?”

Steve sat, clueless, eyes darting away, then back at Robin, “No?”

Rolling her eyes, she got up, still wrapped in the blanket like a burrito, and headed to the kitchen area. Steve wasn’t sure if he should follow or not, until she began to yell out an explanation, while rummaging around the fridge.

“It’s like, the new wave of sex workers, independent from the shittier side of the porn industry, cute as hell,” she rambled on, pulling multiple things from the fridge, before opening them all on the counter. Steve eventually made his way over, noticing among her large mess- half full carton of orange juice (he’d definitely have to get a new one that she didn’t directly drink out of), a tub of ice cream, and grape tomatoes. He was forever puzzled by Robin’s drunk snack choices.

“So, people watch these girls, and then they tip them, and that’s how they make bank. It’s admirable as hell, they’ve got guts and more money than I’d ever see at once in my life. Sex work is real work, man.” Robin continued, hiccuping a bit.

“Tip them for what?”

“To play bingo with the viewers- no, you fuckin dingus- what do you think?” Her sarcasm had an extra edge when she was drunk, but it was still funny to Steve. “I mean, sure, sometimes they just hang out. Do whatever. But usually, obviously-“

“Okay, okay, yep, I got the point. Geez, Robin, sorry not all of us have this knowledge on hand.” Steve quipped back. Robin got up, wrapping the blanket closer, leaving her mess on the counter.

“Here-“ she pulled her phone out, searched with sleepy eyes, and then sent a link to his phone, “- have a fuckin’ blast. You’re welcome. I’m going to sleep.”

And with that, Robin padded down the hall to her room, leaving Steve completely baffled by this unheard world of cam girls, and of course, leaving her kitchen mess for him to deal with, as well.

Unable to reach sleep some time later, Steve tossed and turned in his bed. Frustrated, he pulled his phone off the nightstand, and opened the text from Robin with the link she sent earlier. Hesitantly, his thumb hovered above the screen, wondering if this was something he even wanted to see.

“Guess it can’t hurt to look if I can’t sleep.” He thought, and opened the link. It loaded to a site that was a platform for those who wanted to cam model, and those who wanted to watch. So many links, categories, and thumbnails of really, really pretty girls. They didn’t look like the ones in those cringeworthy adult films, plastic and unrealistic- which, was fine if someone wanted to look that way, it just wasn’t really what he found attractive.

These girls were all in different poses, some wearing outfits that complimented their body shape, some wearing nothing at all. Steve sucked in a breath before locking his phone and throwing it down next to him on the bed.

“This is ridiculous. What the fuck am I doing?”

A few more minutes passed, and sleep still was nowhere to be found, so he reluctantly picked his phone up again, and started scrolling once more. A part of him felt wrong for this, it felt a little too realistic, like these were all just your average “girls next door” and he was looking where he shouldn’t. But another part of him wanted to see more, and let curiosity pull him in further.

Steve’s eyes fell on a thumbnail of a girl that stood out among the rest to him. Hesitantly, he clicked the link, and it opened to a live video of a young woman, he assumed around his age. She was stunning, to say the least, with long, silver and lavender hair, but maybe that was a wig... ? He couldn’t tell for sure, but regardless, she looked like a faerie or some cute shit like that. The girl wore a lacy, babydoll cut dress, thigh highs, and her skin shimmered among the lighting in the room around her. Her surroundings reflected how cute she was, as she was laid across a pink couch, lollipop in hand, like she was casually hanging out with friends. Pop music played softly in the background as she lip synced along.

It took a few minutes for Steve to figure out how the chat worked, and that it was easier to take everything in on a full screen rather than his phone, and opened up the chat room that belonged to the girl- her username was just as cutesy, PeachyKitten- on his laptop from there.

“I see some of you still lurking about, don’t be shy! We’re just hangin’ out tonight.” The girl said while twirling the lollipop through her fingers. Her voice sounded heavenly to Steve. His eyes fixated on her glossy, plush lips as she spoke, and wondered how it felt to kiss someone like her, how it felt to have lips like hers around his-

“Oh, thank you!” The girl replied to one of the viewers tipping her, just because. Her sweet voice shook Steve from the path his thoughts began to go down, feeling embarrassed for himself.

“I wasn’t really planning on playing tonight, but I did get new toys, so...” she left the camera frame for a moment, rustling in the background before coming back in view, with several vibrantly colored toys piled in her arms.

Steve’s eyes grew wide as he watched her flaunt and flash different toys used for who knows what, senses overwhelmed as his mind raced while he also tried to listen to her talk on.

“I have an idea- let’s play a fun game. Q&A? You guys ask me stuff while I play, and we’ll see how well I can focus and how long I can last, yeah?” The girl’s innocent features twisted just a bit into a devilish smirk. “Each tip you guys make sends the vibrator’s power up juuuust a little higher.”

Steve felt how hard he was already against his sweatpants, and wondered just how long he had been hard for already. This random girl from the internet was about to be the death of him, and she hadn’t even actually done anything sexual yet.

Exhaling deeply, he threw a hand through his hair, wondering just what the hell he got himself into here, before biting the bullet and finally entering info to sign up for an account. He joined into the chat just in time for the girl to start her Q&A game.

“Let’s lay down some rules, okay? Nothing personal and obviously invasive- like where I live or some shit, creeps.” She giggled. “Otherwise... all questions, sexual or not, are free game. Ask away, and I’ll answer as best as I can! You guys control the power of the vibrator with the tips, got it? By the way, I see some new cuties joined in, so hi there! My name’s Lex, let’s get to know each other.”

Lex winked into the camera, turning up the charm she held. Steve’s eyes fell away from her for a second as he saw the chat box speed up with activity, people already spamming with their questions, others just saying nice things about Lex. A few vulgar, disgusting comments floated through every now and then, but they were quickly blocked by Lex, without letting her positive mood falter on camera.

Repositioning herself, Lex moved onto her knees while on the couch, lifting her dress just a bit, revealing nothing underneath. Steve’s breath hitched in his throat as he held back a moan from involuntary slipping out. He noticed how curvy and a little squishier her body was, not like the models most guys his age drooled over. Lex showed off the bottom half of her body confidently, even with her stretch marks and imperfections in full view. All Steve could think about was how good it would feel if her thighs were wrapped around his he-

“Alrighty, first question-“ Lex started, pulling Steve from his thoughts turning dirty again. Flipping the vibrator onto the lowest setting, she gently ran it along the folds of her center, teasingly. “- Oh! I like this one- ‘what’s my favorite thing to pass time with’-“

Before she could answer, a moan slipped past her soft lips, and a chime echoed through the speakers of Steve’s laptop. Someone had tipped Lex, and sure enough, the vibrator automatically kicked up a notch, causing the pause in her voice.

Lex bit her lip, a bit dazed, trying to regain focus on answering the viewer’s question. “I love staying in, honestly. Like, I enjoy adventures, too, but there’s not much more I love than staying home in comfy cozy PJs, watching movies! Or reading. Sometimes, painting, too.”

Lex managed to finish her answer before a soft groan escaped her throat. She leaned back against the couch, legs up, showing full view of how wet she was, and it wasn’t until then that Steve wondered when the hell he started palming himself this hard, and for how long.

Another chime rang through, and the speed of the vibrator went up again, causing Lex’s head to fall back onto the couch as she moaned. A small ‘fuck’ made its way through the speakers, and Steve was sure he could have came right then and there.

“You guys are making this challenging from the start, huh?” She said, voice breathy and face flushed red. With one hand holding the vibrator on her clit, her free hand traveled up her body, playing softly with her breasts, trying to read another question. “What’s my favorite animal? Probably bunnies! They’re so adorable!”

Steve was floored with how Lex could multitask. Robin wasn’t kidding when she said sex work was real work.

Feeling a little more at ease as time passed, Steve typed in a question, remembering something she mentioned earlier: “what do u like to paint?”

Instantly he began second guessing himself, wondering if that was a boring question at a time like this. But only a second passed before Lex read his question out loud, answering with: “all kinds of stuff! I’m not very good at it, but I’m learning you don’t have to be good at something-“

Another chime, another tip, another notch up on the vibrator. Lex moaned out, louder this time, echoing in the room she was in. Without thinking, Steve’s hand reached down under his waistband, desperate for some sort of touch, even if it was his own. Slowly, he began stroking his length, letting his own moans tumble out of his mouth.

“- if- if you want to enjoy it!” Lex managed to finish, shaky, but still managed to get the sentence out. Steve felt overwhelmed; excited, because Lex answered his question, and excited, watching her struggle to get the answers out against her whines and moans.

Barely missing the sound of the chime over his own heavy breathing, Steve just caught it in time, watching Lex’s body begin to shake, a string of whimpers following.

“I- god- that feels so fucking good.” Lex moaned out, tugging at her nipples through the fabric of her dress. Steve watched her through hooded eyes, wiggling out of his sweatpants for a better grip on his member.

“I’m so close, so so close-“ Another whine escaped Lex, and Steve could feel himself getting closer to the edge in time with her. With his free, shaky, hand, he tipped her quickly, not paying much attention to the numbers he entered; he just wanted to push her to the edge, too.

The chime followed quickly after, and before Lex could even thank him, she began to ride out her high on camera, whimpers and moans traveling through the speaker to Steve, who was also riding out his orgasm at the same time. His eyes almost fell closed, but he couldn’t look away from how gorgeous Lex looked as her climax took over her body, making the end of his high that much sweeter.

“Holy shit,” Lex breathed out, sprawled out on her couch. “You guys are too good to me.”

As Steve came back down, he instantly felt a strange sort of shame he had never felt after anything sexual. Present time coming back into focus, he slammed his laptop shut, not watching Lex say goodnight.

Shame fell heavy on his mind, feeling dirty, but he was way too exhausted to think about it tonight, and let sleep overcome him quickly.

———

Sunlight poured into Steve’s room, and he immediately buried himself deeper in the covers, not ready to wake up yet. His body felt exhausted, still, and it didn’t take long for him to remember why.

The shame he felt the night before flooded back, and he was lost as to why he even felt it. It felt like an invasion of privacy, watching Lex’s show, but it wasn’t necessarily wrong. It was her job, after all, and he did tip like you should, so what was the problem?

“Shit. How much did I even send her?”

Steve pulled his laptop back open, refreshing the window, and seeing in his payments he sent-

“I’m a fucking dingus.” He groaned out loud to himself. There, in plain, bold text, was the number $100- definitely not $10 like he had thought he typed in. He guessed it was only fair, since $10 wasn’t a whole lot in the long run. He wasn’t sure what the proper etiquette was for cam girls, and wasn’t sure if there was any at all.

Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he noticed the message box on his account had a notification. Confused, he clicked it-

PeachyKitten: hi cutie! Thank you so much for the generous tip last night! Most newcomers don’t do that, so I really appreciate it! Let’s chat and play soon- one on one, okay?

-lex <3

Steve felt his regret fade away reading the message, but only for a moment. “She has to be nice- this is how she makes a living. I can’t get caught up thinking I’m special, or some shit.”

Still, he didn’t feel as bad as he originally did, and it wasn’t like he was spending that money on going out or anything...

Stretching, he noticed how hard he was again, and sighed, annoyed at himself. This stranger on the internet had him swooning already. He just wanted to learn more about her, and it didn’t hurt that she made him weak in the knees just with that smile.

Steve replied back quickly, trying to play it cool, and hoped time would pass fast until they got to chat again.

———

Palms clammy with sweat, Steve waited for Lex to reply back, giving the okay to start video chatting. She said she needed a minute, and that minute felt like an eternity. It had been all day, and he was grateful he had off this weekend to laze around and wait for a dreamy, internet stranger. He felt like a fool, but he couldn’t control himself. He was hooked.

A gentle chime rang out, and the call screen came up on Steve’s laptop. Hesitating before answering, he gave it a moment, trying not to seem desperate, and finally picked up. His screen loaded, showing himself in the smaller corner, buried in a cozy hoodie and sweats. Lex’s screen loaded after, and she wore a loose tank top, large cardigan, and pajama shorts, like she was enjoying a cozy day at home, the way she said she liked.

“Hi, cutie!” She beamed, giving her well known innocent smile. Steve felt his stomach do flips, not sure what to say or do, completely speechless as his jaw dropped open, and no sound fell out.

Lex giggled at his stunned silence. “You okay over there, Steve?”

Steve cleared his throat, growing red in the face, forgetting for a second his name is on his profile and wondered how the hell she knew it at first. “Y-yeah, sorry, I just- I don’t- I’ve never done this before- any of this-“

“Don’t be nervous! We’re just hanging out, right?” Lex took over so casually and comfortably, like she wasn’t chatting with one of her customers. “How are you?”

“I- I’m good, y-yourself?”

“I’m alright, still in a good mood from last night.” Lex smirked, looking off, before looking back into the camera. “I just wanted to personally thank you, you didn’t have to tip so much. I usually don’t ask for personal calls first, I let boys earn ‘em. But you had me wondering.”

Steve felt his face grow even deeper in the shade of red from earlier, “Wondering what?”

“Just who you are. What you’re about. You learned about me last night, I was wondering what there is to learn about you.” Lex replied, twirling the ends of her hair- and sure enough, it was still the silver and lavender mix.

“Well, uh...” Steve paused, not sure how to answer that. “I’m not- I don’t want anything from you- if that’s how this all came across. I’m not expecting anything. You- you’re just really cute and uh- god I’m so bad at this-”

“You’re fine, it’s okay! I’m sorry if I made you nervous, putting you on the spot like this. If anything, I just wanted to say thank you.” Lex said, smiling genuinely. Even if it was a mistake, Steve didn’t regret how much he tipped her now. If anything, it made her happy.

“If anything, I should be thanking you, I didn’t know what I was getting into... but I liked it.”

“Oh? Well I’m glad you did.” Lex said, blushing a bit.

“I’ve been in a weird funk lately and- Jesus Christ, why am I telling you this- sorry.”

“Don’t be, I’m glad I could take your mind off of things for a little while, at least.” Lex smiled, “I can do it again, if you want. Here, download this.”

A link popped up in the message box; it opened a download for an app to wirelessly control a vibrator. Steve’s breath stopped short, eyes now fixed on Lex’s lips as she bit the bottom one, and his eyes grew dark, thoughts headed elsewhere.

One thing led to another, and clothes were lost- Steve’s mind went haywire over how beautiful Lex was- while the once awkward air was now filled with gasps and moans, and although Lex was so much more experienced than he was, his confidence didn’t falter back. Slowly, he grew more comfortable in this bizarre situation, where he was in control of the toy she used on herself, from who knows how fucking far away.

Lex gasped sharply as Steve turned the power up higher, causing her to reach the edge. “I’m c-close, daddy.” She managed to stutter out, and that sent Steve even closer to his edge, moaning out. Lex didn’t seem to be phased by the name slipping out, engulfed in her own pleasure. With a free hand, he switched the vibrator up even higher, sending Lex above and beyond her limits.

Steve followed close behind her, groaning out a “good girl” towards Lex, and that surprised himself. He watched as she rode out her high, naturally glowing as she let herself go, and he could have sworn he saw her lips twist up at the sound of the nickname. It was all more than enough to send Steve through his own climax, and hard.

Skin tinted shades of pink and red, Lex fell back against her couch, just like the night before, trying to catch her breath, a sweet smile appearing across her face. Something about how she presented herself as someone real, not bouncing back up right away like a machine, not shutting off her emotions- because Lex was a real, living, breathing person- got to Steve. Not acting, not faking it. As if they weren’t held apart by this technology barrier. It was a whole new world for Steve, and he just wanted more.

“Gimme a second.” Lex croaked out with a raspy, tired voice. Softly laughing, she was still lying back on her couch, exhausted. “I didn’t think you’d crank it that high up.”

Steve, also trying to catch his breath, laughed, feeling his face heat up. “Sorry, I didn’t think a lot of things were going to happen that did, so...”

A beat passed before Lex sat up, face still flushed as she gazed into the camera, then eyes flickering to Steve onscreen. “Like what?”

“‘Daddy’, huh?” He chuckled, still trying to catch his breath. Lex bit her lip, looking away.

“Yeah, well, you’re the one who called me a good girl, so, I don’t wanna hear it.” She countered back, causing heat to rise to Steve’s face again.

Still feeling somewhat confident and brave enough, he let his softer side show through to Lex, “I- is it- okay if I say I wish I was there right now?”

“For what, cutie?” Lex asked back, voice still sweet as pie.

“Sorry- I’m just a real sap I guess-“

“Don’t apologize.” Lex interjected before taking a breath. “I wish you were here too, I could definitely use some cuddling right now.”

“I just- I wasn’t sure if that was, like, overstepping boundaries, I guess.”

“Usually, I don’t hang out after a session like this... but, you’re cute. Really cute, Steve. Do you mind hanging out a little longer? Unless you’ve got somewhere to be or-“

“No! I mean, no, I don’t have anywhere to be right now.” He corrected quickly before continuing. “I’m kind of a homebody these days.”

Like they didn’t just fuck over the webcam, the conversation began to naturally shift, as if they were just in the same room with one another. Lex’s face lit up a bit, “See, I knew there’s stuff about you that I wanted to discover! What’s your favorite movie lately? Wait- hold that thought, I wanna clean up first, and then you better have an answer when I’m back!”

After they both were cleaned up and in new, comfy clothes- Lex’s hair seemed to magically change from the silvery mix to, long, bouncy brunette curls (Steve realized he was right, it was a wig, probably to conceal her real identity just a little online)- they both began to just talk, get to know each other, like they didn’t get to know each other through a webcam site. Steve felt the nervousness continue to fall away as he and Lex carried on conversation, watching her facial expressions change as she talked so animatedly, so bubbly, excited over the simple things in her life. She listened intently whenever Steve talked about his likes and dislikes, bonding over how similar they were in so many interests.

Steve made a mental note to thank Robin later for pushing him to try this whole webcam thing out.

#i’ll post part two later!! maybe tonight?? idk if anyone’s gonna even care for this LOL #steve harrington x oc #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington x ofc #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington smut #steve harrington fluff #modern!au #webcam!au #stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things x reader #stranger things x oc #stranger things x you #sweet spot #my fics

[inktrailing]

SPN: purgatorio (snippet)

Still haven’t settled on a replacement title lol.

This is... currently in the teens for chapters. Still too early for a chapter count and I won’t know my timeline until I actually rewatch s8 and decide when they’re getting thrown back in.

Last time I posted a snippet I wasn’t sure where pairings where fully landing. It’s definitely slowburn poly Dean/Lucifer and Dean/Cas, with Benny continuing to be a wildcard lmfao.

There’s some rando probably inaccurate field medicine in this chunk that will be replaced at some point after I finish researching for it.

(As a refresh this is my s7/8 AU wherein Lucifer was trying to use the hallucinations as a way to manifest through someone and ended up helping Cas out a bit but popped out in Purgatory when Cas got there).

Previous Snippet.

Warning for explicit language, canon-typical violence.

CHAPTER

“You act like you have any idea where you're going,” Lucifer tells Dean.

“I do,” Dean says. “It's called moving. Getting a lay of the land.” He spins in a circle, arms spread wide, then points at a particular rock that had an odd blue-tinted moss covering one of its sides. “I know that rock,” he says with a grin. “I know this area. Do you?”

“It's all the same,” Lucifer drawls.

“Uh huh. That's what I thought. Cas?”

“Um.” Cas glances between them. “There's a vampire nest that roams here.”

“Exactly. We hopped territories. I thought it was all a free-for-all chaos. But nah, it's organized chaos. That's your jam, ain't it, Lucifer?”

“Don't dare to presume anything about me, Winchester.”

“So that's a yes, then.”

Lucifer moves for him and Cas steps between the two of them, hands out.

Dean smirks. Lucifer scowls.

“You don't start learning the ways of the land, Lucifer, you're gonna be our weak link.”

*****

“Monster 101,” Dean pants, “please have an answer, right the fuck now.” He presses into the packed dirt wall. He turns his attention to Lucifer. “What the hell is that?”

“Well,” Lucifer says casually. Way too casually. “If someone tells you God made the 'first' beasts don't you think there might be a... oh, second, third. You know. More than one?”

“So which one is that?!” Dean hisses, swiveling his head in the direction of the open-air marshlands.

“Behemoth, if I remember correctly,” Lucifer answers. He reaches out and pulls Cas closer into their hiding spot.

“They don't look as though they have a lot for their maneuverability,” Cas says. “We might be able to lose them in the woods?”

“Can't either of you just fly us out of here?”

Cas shakes his head. “Like the Leviathans... they're grounding me. Unless...” He glances at Lucifer.

“No dice,” Lucifer answers.

“Seriously? What's the point of being an archangel anyway, then?”

Lucifer huffs. “Dear old Dad liked his toys. Also,” Lucifer risks a glance around the wall. The beasts were scouting. “I think they might be after me. So, really, sure lacking on those Archangel Benefits right now...”

“Then they can fucking have you,” Dean snarls.

“Dean,” Cas warns.

“What? How much else is gonna want to snack on him? He's a liability.”

“So am I,” Cas argues.

“No, it's not the same—”

“Yes, yes,” Lucifer interrupts, “we all have something nasty on our heels. You have the sheer numbers after you, Winchester, I think that makes things minutely more difficult, thank you. Castiel is right: if we make it into the woods, we should be able to lose them. I'll draw them off if I must.”

“Lucifer,” Cas starts, stricken.

“Please, I'll be fine.”

“I don't think—”

“See, he wants to play bait, Cas. So we should let him.” He pats the back of his hand against Cas's arm. “Let's go.”

When he moves, keeping low, Cas follows. Good. He wasn't sure what else he could say to convince Cas to come with him. Lucifer darts out in the other direction, making himself blatant, juicy archangel bait. Dean knows the moment the beasts catch onto the scent and it's the first direct look Dean gets of them as the three whirl around to stare at Lucifer.

One of the giants, already free from the marsh, charges. The two behind are slower, rising up from the water, dragging muck and grasses over smooth, short-haired skins. Dean sees the jaws open, rows of flat teeth big enough to crush his head if they get close enough.

Their bellows shake the lands, one call after the other, a chorus of unearthly groans all vibrating the air and when they move it's as though that same land moves for them, quickening their gait.

Dean tries to ignore the fact that Lucifer flinches. He pulls Cas after him and doesn't look back after he sees Lucifer peel around the other bank, leading them away.

“Dean,” Cas pleads.

“We can't do anything for him!” Dean hurriedly says. It's not a lie. “We'll only distract him. We'll find him again, okay?” Dammit. “I promise. We'll look for him.” Cas stares at him earnestly and he must be able to tell that Dean's being honest with him because he stops protesting and follows.

Dean's suddenly going to be real pissed if Lucifer gets himself eaten because he's not sure he'll be able to pick up the pieces of Cas if he finds his brother torn to shreds.

How's this become his life?

*****

“Everyone else under the sun can find the bastard and yet it's been over a day and here we are still trudging around, like damn, did the dude finally fly or is he just doing this to screw with us...”

Dean's been muttering to himself for the last twenty minutes. He knows it's not safe but he's tired and he needs sleep and he's going on being awake for twenty-five hours which outside of Purgatory he could do, but inside... Fuck. He needs sleep. This constantly-being-hunted thing weighs on a guy. Exhausts him faster than he can cope with. Cas needs sleep, too. Dean's held up by the Hunt. Cas is held up by Stress.

It's not a good combination!

Fucking Lucifer. This is all his fault.

He rubs sweat and grime off his face. They need to go back to a river. He'd like to get this film off of him.

He stops walking and turns to Cas.

“Just power nap, Cas. An hour.”

“I'm fine, Dean. I can keep moving.”

Dean rolls his eyes skyward. “Cas, if he needs healing when we find him you're gonna need to be more on your game. Sleep. I'll stay on guard.”

Cas sets his jaw but sinks down to the forest floor and coils himself against a tree, tucking into his trench coat, nearly black from their travels. It makes a good camouflage, but Dean still kind of wants to wash that, too. Seeing Cas like this throws him back into an unkind future Zachariah zapped him to.

Dean shakes his head and walks away. He makes sure Cas is in sight, raising a hand to block out the sunlight streaking through the canopy. They have several hours til nightfall. Dean's not sure he wants to go another night of being on the move. He'd prefer taking shelter somewhere and wait til dawn, but if night's bad for them, it's just as dangerous for Lucifer.

Dammit, Cas. Why'd you have to get attached to the devil?

“You fucker,” he mumbles when he knows he's out of earshot, “if you're doing this on purpose then you can go right back to Hell. Cas needs you and every hour we can't find you is gnawing at him.”

He drops his head. “I can't believe I have to do this,” he says more to himself. “You'd better be hurt. You'd better...” He glances back towards the small shape that is Cas, trembling in his fitful sleep. Dean sucks in a harsh breath, curses, and spits out the last words of his prayer, “I can't track angels. I need a fucking sign, man.”

He sighs and heads back for Cas, walking a perimeter around his tree.

*****

“Dean.”

Dean pauses and turns to look at Cas, awareness flagging. The sun's going down. All he has for dinner is some leftover scraps of meat from days ago and some weird leafy green tufts that Cas said were full of nutrients and good for him and when Dean asked how Cas knew that, Cas said the plants told him with a weird little smile.

Dean hates salad but he'd eat them if it meant Cas would feel comfortable smiling again.

“Yeah, Cas?” Dean asks. Cas is staring off to their west, head tilted, eyes concentrating. “What is it?”

“It's...” Cas opens his mouth, closes it. Frowns. Tilts his head the other way. “Holy.”

“What?”

Cas looks to Dean. “It's... familiar. But off. Home, but not.”

“Home like Heaven?”

Cas nods.

Dean wonders if it's coincidental.

“How far?”

“I think we could get there before sundown on foot. Flying may be... dangerous.”

“Yeah, no, and I'd rather not wear you out. Of the two of us, you're the one lighter on his feet right now. Let's go. Lemme know when we get close so I can prepare in case it's an ambush or something.”

Cas nods again, and then he takes the lead.

In the end it's not a trap. They find a deep tear in the ground like a meteor plowed into Purgatory. There's a ring of felled trees at the top of the pit and at the very bottom is a strange white-flamed flickering fire and a hunched-over devil.

Cas's relief latches onto Dean.

“Cas, blink us down there,” Dean asks, and then fumbles for his footing an instant later after they're relocated. Cas is already kneeling by his brother, hand on his shoulder to push him up. Lucifer twitches to the touch and Dean can see lacerations down his side that must be taking too long to heal.

“Lucifer,” Cas says, trying to rouse him.

Dean flops down across them with the makeshift fire in the middle, looking more closely at it. It has the makings of a normal fire, wood and kindling, but Dean thinks he understands why Cas picked up on holy. It's grace-fueled. Actual, honest-to-God, holy fire.

“Lucifer,” Cas says again.

“Castiel,” Lucifer finally responds.

“Cas, can you fix him so we can go?”

“I...”

Cas slowly looks over to Dean and Dean has a real bad feeling real fast.

“I can't,” Cas says.

“Why not?”

“I-I don't...”

“Beast trumps angel,” Lucifer groans. He reaches up a hand and closes his fist. The holy fire vanishes. Well, Dean had been concerned about it drawing any other attention.

“Fine,” Dean says. “You gonna stay alive til morning?”

“Mmm,” Lucifer responds. Barely.

“Okay. Morning, then. We'll do this the human bullshit way. Cas, you talk to your plants or whatever and try to find something we can use as a salve and bandages and shit.”

Dean's really not sure if Cas can actually talk to plants or if it's just something getting him through his daily life to think he can, but either way he thinks Cas can suss out something to use. Trial and error, anyway. If Lucifer's gonna die it's because his Dad made something bigger and badder, not because of some plant goo Cas will slap on him.

“I think we're sitting ducks down here but the fire's out,” Dean continues, “Cas, you good enough to take watch?”

Cas looks from Lucifer to him and nods, a little off balance, but determined.

“Good, because I'm exhausted. Can I borrow your coat?”

Cas strips out of it and hands it over to Dean. Dean balls it up, caked Purgatory and all, and uses it as a pillow and lays besides the dead fire wishing that grace left any coals and heat. He meets Lucifer's glassy expression, glares at the devil, and then rolls over, putting his back to both the angels.

CHAPTER

In some world-turned-upside-down bullshit, Dean is keeping watch while Lucifer rests. Not that Lucifer's moved much since they found him the night before. Cas is gone. Has been gone all morning to do his plant thing that hopefully also involves bringing Dean back something to eat.

He should be the one out there but Dean can't tell one plant from another and keeping an eye around the top of their pit is the best use for him.

The company's shit though.

“You prayed to me,” Lucifer says two hours into the boring morning.

Boring is good. Boring means no monster attacks. Boring means no getting separated and having to try and find another angel.

“Desperate times,” Dean mutters. “You saw Cas. He barely holds it together on days he doesn't think you're dead. You must've done a real good job convincing him you're not an asshole.”

“I'm the only reason my brother is a functional person.”

“Sure, whatever.”

Lucifer scoffs. “Believe what you want.”

“I'll do just that.”

The sun's beating down on them from above when Cas returns with arms full like he just came from a Farmer's Market. There's some dried blood that trickled a path down his forehead. He found a canvas bag somewhere, or maybe he made it. Dean's not entirely going to judge him right now, even if he left Dean alone with Lucifer for hours on end.

“You find what you need?” Dean asks.

“I think so,” Cas answers. He sits down between the two of them and sets his bag in front of him, slowly pulling out small bundles wrapped in twine. He tosses one to Dean and Dean curiously loosens the twine and unfolds the large fronds. “Don't eat the outside,” Cas tells him, “that's just the vessel.”

Dean thanks a God he doesn't believe in that the fronds contain a plethora of small berries.

“You're the best, Cas,” Dean tells him.

Cas's smile is brief, but worth it.

Dean eats and watches curiously as Cas continues to pull things out, including a few rocks of varying sizes that make sense to Dean as he takes a cylindrical one and starts grinding various plants and other matter on a flat one.

“Purgatory's first doctor,” Dean jokes.

“I imagine there had been others in the past.”

“Yeah, slapped-together medicine before they get their heads chopped off. Not a lot of long-term teamwork going on here that I've seen.”

“Or there is,” Lucifer says, “but they only pick off stragglers.”

“Outnumber people. Cowards.”

Lucifer shakes his head.

Dean's finished his berries and the rest of his meats that he didn't eat last night by the time Cas has some concoction of paste gathered on one of the fronds and is looking at Lucifer with some hesitance.

“Get it over with, Castiel,” Lucifer says in way of permission.

Cas nods and lifts Lucifer's shirt and Dean looks away when Lucifer winces, but it isn't quick enough to miss the mottled blacks and purples marring Lucifer's side around the slashed skin, and he looks back just as fast.

“Shit,” Dean says, ignoring Lucifer's glare. “Cas, you got any water or anything we can clean that out with first?”

“I don't, unfortunately,” Cas says.

“It'll be fine,” Lucifer mutters.

“It looks infected,” Dean growls.

“I just need enough healing so that my body's natural response can kick in.”

“Oh, and it can naturally heal beast infections, right? Because it's doing so well with whatever that was.”

“Dean,” Cas says.

Dean gestures at the injury like it makes his entire argument.

Cas frowns.

“Put it on, Castiel,” Lucifer instructs. “If it gets me mobile, we can... worry about the rest when we've moved away from here.”

Dean makes a face in mockery but stays quiet as Cas seals the frond over Lucifer's side.

#spn fanfiction #ducifer #Dean Winchester/Lucifer #destiel #dean winchester #lucifer #castiel #fic: purgatorio

[softgrungeprophet]

thoughts on tooth and claw itself....

ehh. it’s a little confusing and convoluted and the dialogue is kinda. lol. very 90s. not the worst thing i’ve read. DEFINITELY into the latex bondage meat puppets??? what a fucking aesthetic, almost hellraiser-esque. god it’s just so fucking 90s.

i have counted no less than three separate head-eating jokes, but venom also used the word pernicious which i am all for--venom’s dialogue in general is so... so much that long-winded shit i love from them, they’re so weird.

also there was at least one gay joke that felt outta nowhere and this kid called eddie’s mom EITHER a prostitute or a lesbian, it’s unclear, so... mixed. venom DOES keep saying “hoo-ha!” which i do love, so thanks for that larry hama

joe st pierre’s art is odd but i actually don’t hate it; it’s very expressive and i like the very square way he draws eddie, tho there are def parts that look really weird.

ah THIS is the source of the classic Venom line, “I don’t have any ears!” (though really it should be “we” huh)

and it suggests that eddie, bonded with the symbiote, has two full central nervous systems (and a temporary third because of dirt nap)

on trial:

i like... this weird long-faced venom with their very heart-shaped eyes and little mouth but the way josh hood draws eddie is kinda weird--i can’t tell if eddie is supposed to be a redhead or if the colorist made matt blonde XD their hair is the same color! i do like how this guy draws spidey too tho... big wide spidey eyes are my weakness. ooh and this carnage is good too..... good symbiotes and spidey suits abound even with weird looking people.

anyway the story in this is more engaging by far, compared to tooth and claw... tho it’s weird to me that they were like, there are no more real superheroes.... and then immediately daredevil and spider-man are brought in?? “it was a sad day when all the real super-heroes went away” SPIDER-MAN IS RIGHT THERE????

it’s super interesting to me that the sound blasts scramble the symbol on venom’s chest, in the art, so the spider’s legs separate--i like that detail of lost composition. but ALSO is constantly blasting Venom with sound, to contain them, like that.... ethical... like is this torture??? oh. “the music blasting is cruel and unusual punishment” i was right it’s unethical

“symbiotes need dopamine from humans to establish their nerve tissue communication link” interesting, and it says this drug stops the brain from making dopamine. just some fun executive dysfunction-in-a-jar i guess.

oh boy some fun anti-mutant stuff....

and carnage said “hoo-ha!” too!! i guess larry hama just likes that. they also seem to, like, talk way different than current versions of inexplicable hick carnage. like.

also everyone keeps calling cletus and eddie puppies and using dog pound analogies and that’s very funny to me

so now...

we move on to license to kill:

oh this venom is very glossy. this art is fine. it’s a little bland. it’s not bad, i kinda like how this guy draws eddie--reminds me a little of how shalvey draws him, i wonder if shalvey took some influence from this comic....

“Hoo-ha!! Coffee, tea, or brains?!” GOD i prefer this so much to now, all this, hoo-ha, fuck

“Well if it ain’t that mongrel, pervert, murderin’, alien-lovin’, psycho-killer, Venom!! You got a lot o’ nerve bustin’ in on the tactical action o’ the Neo Crypto-Fascist Right-Thinkers Party!” Jesus christ what a set of sentences

the fact that eddie immediately questions what the victims of the plane dusting could have done to deserve that, that he’s shocked someone would do something like that to innocents on purpose, feels.... both unusually innocent for eddie yet also in-line with how he operates. hurting an innocent person, on purpose, for no reason??? unfathomable.

ah, evil russians, of course

GOD EDDIE IS SUCH A DORK

ah once again eddie gets to drive a nice red vintage sports car but this time it’s a fuckin 50s cadillac convertible with white-wall tires, amazing

actually this comic came out before seed of darkness i think

even more brain eating jokes... hama loves those huh

man this dude sucks, he’s getting revenge on the entire planet because of? what? an accident he caused? and cause there’s no war going on to fund moer of it?  lol okay

why the fuck is there a cyborg geisha, literally what the fuck is the point of including that

again, they call venom a “sick puppy”

fascinating

man all this exaggeratedl communist bullshit is so.... 90s... lmfao

hm yeah that was like. fine. it has its fun moments, but i def have preferred venom on trial so far out of all these........

now i’m gonna take a break cause i’m halfway thru this book after reading for hours XD i used to be much faster

#nadia reads venom #not just tooth and claw but all of em #venom using a nail as a tooth pick is extremely inspired #these comics have more black people per issue than the entire 2018 run combined #this is thru license to kill #i just got to seed of darkness which i will prob reread

[virtuissimo]

pardon me for using my blog for its intended purpose, but I’ve gota talk about my life insecurities and the pathetic reality of my ongoing existence

if ur prone to thinking badly of ppl for having social difficulties maybe dont read lol

if uv talked to me more than a few times then u kno already tbh i sound like a broken record but I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS im so fucking mad about it, why is this so hard for me???

people say that you have to go to clubs,  but honestly thats realy not enough advice for me because Findng People is not the issue, in fact i have been in several places where by all means i shuold have found someone to be friends with, but even if i do force myself to talk to people and be sociable and say uuh things and even if i do succeed in being funny and likeable (which is far from the norm and my self esteem takes a huge hit every time i exit a social situation having flopped & yes i am overly judgmental of myself but the fact that i dont got friends is proof that maybe there is some truth to it) , nothing ever comes of it!

and like i know this is a pattern with me, where ill try to do something consistently for a semester and then when i see no evidence of progress i give up. same thing happened when i decided to stick to a consistent exercise routine. i didnt feel any better, i didnt look any different, my health didnt improve, my body didnt even get any stronger my bodys limit on weight and time remained the same from beginning to end, all i felt was tired, sore, and depressed. i felt a little proud of myself for having stuck to it for that long (4-5 months? honetsly an accomplishment for me) but at the first excuse i could find i broke routine and was never able to get back on.

and honestly. same thing happened with that club. i went to almost every QTPOCA community meeting for one semester, but i just! couldnt! make!! friends!! a few people talked to me i think?? one girl named Cassie who i saw once and never again..augustine talked to me and i was really happy about that...they were very friendly and i like talking to them but i dont think our personalities mesh very well for us to be close, we also dont have any real shared interests and i dont think they particularly have fun in my company.

but other than those two people, thats it.... the meetings themselves are very different from what i expected, its absolutely not an environment conducive to my very uuh specific needs.

How did  i make friends before?? i had friends in high school. or at least i thought i did. i guess thats why im not still friends with most of them. i never really went out to movies or to their houses or to get lunch or even had most of their phone numbers, & even those whose # i do have i never really USED them. maybe its cuz i didnt get a phone until high school. maybe its cuz my parents are workaholics AND overprotective and made it too much of a hassle to ask permission to go everwhere. maybe people only rly liked me for school work purposes. maybe im just too obedient and never snuck out. maybe im just too close to my sister and never felt the need for social interaction outside of school because i had her. maybe im just making a whole lot of excuses for what ultimately is an inability to interact with other people. 

& its not like im not good at talking. im pretty quick and uuh quippy ig like i can say some off the wall shit, that just all goes out the window when im talking to strangers. idk. i can make phonecalls now, but only if i script out what im going to say in writing bcause even if i mentally script, by the time the other person picks up the phone my mind just goes blank.

i think its a part of my horrible personality maybe. like maybe i can only be in my element when i feel like i have power. my small high school & my ugly superiority complex made it easier for me to think of myself as better than p much all my peers maybe? but maybe its not that easy to do that in college since EVERYONE here got to college somehow (despite some of them actualy being dumb as fuck)? maybe?? idk if thats the case i gota change that personality quick cuz thats no way to live life. just the way im talking about it now makes it seem like maybe its not that but idk i think in actuality im a lot more egotistical than i come across as. which may or may not be saying something idk self awareness is hard.

probably also got something to do with the fact that i moved to texas away from the rest of my family & my parents work too much to make rfriends ot their own (and neither of my parents are very social people to begin with) so i never had adult social interactions modeled for me in a way that integrates friendships into ones life. thats probably just an excuse tho.

anyways. im really sick of not fitting in anywhere. im sick of not knowing anyone. im sick of being lonely all the time and feeling unlovable . and iv got like 2 friends on the internet that i rly talk to but we all know it aint the same & the MOMENT theyve busy i feel soooo fuckin lonelyyyyy

also FUCK another thing is that i am no ones priority, that shit SUCKS idk if im emotionally built for casual friendships cuz i care about all my friends so fucking much...i dont even gota be a best friend i just gota be ...important to someone lmfao maybe thast too much to ask fori know im just 21 but it rly feels like everyone already has their friends and thats that, and the worst part is that i could have made friends but i wasted all of college uuuh idk doing school or whatever LMFAO ok but other ppl can figure out how to have an active social life while doing decent in school why couldnt i do that...

whatever. if i die alone i die alone , nothin to be done about that. just gota put my best foot forward i guess. maybe learn to settle a little more. put more effort into things that arent worth it because id rather have something rancid than nothing at all.

#IM FRUSTRATED AS FUUUUUCK

[karak9]

Another stupid long post about how I don't know my own fucking gender

This is honestly just copied and pasted from a yt comment I made on an older vid and I figured I'd share it here bc tumblr loves this shit I guess lol. God damn I've been questioning my gender for so long and ik rn im prob not still in the best position to be thinking about deep life shit like where I am mentally and im dealing with a lot in my life and also very insecure about potentially being trans bc a lot of my friends don't seem like they would be very accepting and my bf is only really into girls. I asked him how he would feel if I was nonbinary or looked like a boy and he just said he wasn't totally sure but he's only attracted to girls :c he's the sweetest bf in existence and im honestly so afraid of losing him, so aside from obviously not wanting to deal with all the other trans shit, I definitely hope im not trans bc I don't wanna lose him. Anyways, ill start with my childhood I guess. I was always super tomboyish. My older sisters (im the youngest sibling btw) were always p tomboyish so maybe I kinda got it from them but I kinda felt like I was more tomboyish than them? I felt like I was the most boyish girl I knew, like even meeting other tomboy girls in elementary school I felt like I couldn't really relate to them or like they couldnt relate to me enough idk. I also remember once making up a song about being like so tomboyish that I was basically a boy or something along those lines and sang it to my best friend at the time who I copied like all the fkin time (it honestly wasnt healthy lmao I didn't have good parents, also I think I started making up songs bc she did that and I wanted to like impress her), but she thought it was stupid and weird so I just forgot about it and moved on. I was embarrassed to even enjoy playing with dolls or play dress up games online and was determined to play masculine games like runescape (even tho I ended up doing girly shit in runescape anyways lmao) and considered myself one of the guys. In 5th grade when I started needing to wear a bra I absolutely didn't want to, tho some girls in my class thought it was weird I didn't wear a bra when they found out and that made me more insecure about it, but since then I've p much only worn sports bras. I have bought some more normal bras bc I wanted to look attractive in them for my SO or whatever but I still highly prefer my sports bras and can't stand wearing the other ones unless I have to bc my sports bras aren't clean lmfao. I always hated talking about genitalia and breasts n shit but that could just be bc of how I was raised and how my family was always so strict and such radical Christians and anything sex related was a sin, idk if its dysphoria or not. I've never rlly liked my chest and hated showing cleavage like so god damn much and still do but maybe that's the same thing or maybe I just want smaller boobs and that's it idk??? Like I'd want to appear to have a completely flat chest at least, idk if I'd want to actually like have a guy chest or not? Also huge issue with ppl seeing me naked or touching my boobs but again idk if that's gender related or just a normal issue I have. Tho I had a friend in high school (a girl, a very weird lewd girl) who would occasionally grope my chest randomly and it wasn't a huge issue but kinda made me uncomfortable and more aware of my chest. I really like when I wear big hoodies or when I lean over so my shirt kinda poofs out and it looks like I have a flat chest underneath. Though im not super uncomfortable with my boobs, like normally ill want nothing to do with them but I don't mind my SO touching them especially if they're really into it. I wouldn't say im rlly dysphoric about between my legs either, like yeah I think its weird and I hate monthlies and stuff but I think that's normal. I think if i woke up one day and had a dick I would be fine with it, I'd prob even enjoy it tbh lmao. I once had a dream that i was, well, a male dog like,,, ya know, with a female dog, and not to sound weird af (hey we were both dogs ok) but I think i kinda enjoyed it? I don't really remember any other dreams where I remember actually having a dick or feeling it but I've had several dreams as a male person, but p much all of them were like, I was seeing through a character's eyes or smth, not really that I was a guy, so idk if that's normal. I have the same dreams about being other girl characters, I'd say its split about 50/50. Because of this game community im in, a lot of ppl assume im a guy, and a lot of people still think im a guy and I haven't really bothered to correct them but idk if I find it more enjoyable bc its funny or if I enjoy not being referred to as female for once. I'll admit I feel most comfortable referred to as they/them, like without a doubt, if I could go by only 1 set of pronouns for the rest of my life it would be they/them. But ik that's not enough to call myself trans. I definitely wouldn't want to be 100% male. Like if I imagine myself as a grown man vs a grown woman id prob choose to be a woman. I don't like my voice but I think that's mostly just bc I sound 10 years younger than I actually am, and wouldn't really want a deep/masculine voice. Like a "tomboy" voice would be fine if that makes sense? I don't want facial hair or want to have a masculine body, I like that I have curves and soft skin and small hands. Personally I like my hair long bc its soft and people love it, but sometimes I kinda wish I had short hair and could pass as a boy. Like I'd wanna be a typical cute kpop boy ngl lmfao. I like the whole cute androgynous/feminine boy look and wish I could pull it off. Tho I also like really girly things sometimes and am okay being seen as a girl, i just want to be cute and attractive. Ik whether im trans or not I like being a mix of feminine and masculine, tho I admit in the past I've been kinda insecure bc I used to be super sure I was nb and thought me liking girly things and wanting to still havd long hair and wear girly clothes made me seem like "not trans enough" or whatever. But i guess here I am questioning myself again anyways. If I am nb, it sucks that ill never really be able to be openly myself and all but I've accepted by now that I kinda have to pick a binary and choose what I want to be seen as for the rest of my life, and im ok with being female. There are some things I dont like about my body whether they're really gender related or not but I can't afford to transition and wouldn't like most of the effects of T and am afraid of surgery and not sure I want top surgery enough to ever get it anyways, but I think if we lived in a perfect world and I could magically change my body at will and I wasnt afraid of judgment or being unattractive or whatever, I'd probably want to look androgynous and itd be cool to be able to change my genitalia at will lmao. If I had to choose 1 genitalia over the over I honestly have no idea what I'd choose but I have no desire to ever get bottom surgery, at the same time tho I honestly wanna someday get surgery or w/e to never be able to get pregnant. I just could not handle pregnancy or giving birth and I don't even like babies and breast feeding sounds awful so if I ever have kids they will be adopted 100% and most likely be older and like not newborn babies lmfao, babies are honestly so weird to me and they stink and cry and they're so fragile and im so afraid of like dropping them when I hold them lmao. But I like my nieces and nephews and I like being the cool aunt (is there a gender neutral version of aunt/uncle?) who lets them use my art supplies and helps them do fun stuff even if I get tired of them sometimes lol. Idk if that's gender related either but yeah I guess. This if kind of a more recent thing but I often say I'd make a great bf kinda as a joke bc of how I am in relationships like being the stereotypical sweet bf type who makes things for their partner a lot and wants to be their knight in shining armor and their protector and all that, but again prob not rlly trans related lmao just thought I'd throw that out there I guess. So when I was 17 was when I really started getting into trans stuff, prior to that I mostly just learned from my parents that trans ppl were "against god" and all that bs, and eventually started realizing lgbt+ isn't as bad as my family said and later realized I was bi. But anyways I met an agender person online when i was 17ish and I'd never heard it before and thought it was really interesting and asked them how you know you're agender bc after hearing their explanation of it i thought it described how I felt, but ofc they weren't transmed and just described it as being like a deep feeling or whatever and since then i started calling myself agender (and switched between a few labels but basically nonbinary) until my transmed friend told me I was ridiculous and that I wasn't trans, and honestly he was a huge dick but im a huge pushover lmao and I thought well he's trans so he must know what he's talking about, and though I felt discouraged about it I stopped calling myself nonbinary. Then I began questioning it again after not too long and basically since then I've been questioning my gender off and on. I'm now 22 and god I fucking hope im cis but also I feel like a part of me doesn't want to be cis if that makes sense?? Idk if that's because I don't like being a girl for some weird deep reason I don't know about despite being pretty sure I've gotten a lot of my feelings and their reasons behind them figured out, or if it's because I am trans and dont want to force myself to pretend im a girl 100% forever. At the very least, whatever the fuck my gender is, I want to continue going by they\them wherever I can and pretending to be a boy to strangers online and I'd love to cosplay male characters and bind and occasionally just dress masculine for the hell of it and probably wear sports bras for the rest of my life. I feel like in a way I cang possibly be trans because I can live with all of those things and be fairly comfortable still being seen as female for the rest of my life. But idk, I have bpd and other mental shit so sometimes im not great with my feelings (tho I do try really hard to identify all of my feelings/emotions and stuff) but at the same time bpd can cause weird identity shit so maybe its just a weird mix of a bunch of crap and im not actually trans but just weird and tomboyish enough to question my gender for 5 years and still be unsure. Also I know a lot of ppl suggest talking to a therapist/psychologist/whatever professional and trust me I would love to but I can't currently and am unsure when ill be able to bc they're expensive and I live in the middle of fucking nowhere so finding a decent therapist around where I live rn is going to be very difficult. Also, I have fucking crippling social anxiety lmao like I'd be so afraid to open up about this stuff even to a professional. So if anyone could suggest anything online that could help that would be amazing

#Trans #nonbinary #nb #genderqueer #gender questioning #transmed #pls help me lmao I hate my brain sm #also im so sorry if this post is scuffed af #im on mobile #its 4 am I cba

[im-your-lover-im-your-zero]

i feel so fucking tired and helpless and useless and pointless and all the horrible horrible things you can think of. everything sucks and i do nothing but hurt the people i care about lmfao. have this vile word vomit that i’ll rewrite later

home~

as i sit here crying into the softest towel i have ever had the displeasure of pressing my face into, i find myself filled with the most horrendous sense of longing

i whisper to myself, to the worms feeding off the rot that has become of my brain

what do you want

what do you need

how can i help you

i dont know what to do

what do you want

their responding whispers are nothing but an overlapping chorus of i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home

i scream back

what does that mean

but the same response, that sickening chorus

i want to go home

i want to go home

i want to rest, please

please let me go home

but this towel, this bed, this room, this house, it’s made me realize that home is something i haven’t known in a very long time

back when there was four of us, in the brown building, in our gleaming white apartment of trash, i felt at home. despite the fighting and the crying and the dysfunction and the torture, it was mine, and it was home. then mom ran to alberta, then mom had her meltdown, then dad left, and home became moms house and dads house. then rob appeared, and home became moms house, dads house, robs house. then we get evicted. then i take a week of my own life, my school, my childhood, to move myself out of what used to be my home. my fucking home, all by myself. then home becomes dads house and robs house and grandmas house and grandpas garage. bouncing from place to place, living out of bags now not because i dont have a place, but because i am needed in so many. im always needed. its always me. i never get to go home, to that non-existent place

art supplies left to sit and decay because im never in one place long enough to use them. calluses i worked so hard to form that fade because there are never consistently guitars for me to practice with

home is where you hang your hat, but my hat lives in the bottom of a red duffle bag being carted from house to house

notice the lack of the word home.

this place feels like home. not mine, not one i get to be a part of, but its so beautiful to see, even if it is only as an outsider

here, a tantrum that ends with a child slamming doors and knocking down clocks that shatter on impact isn’t a terrifying ordeal, he doesnt scramble to clean and hide the glass, he doesnt cut himself in the process. he is spoken to in a calm, respectful manner, he is told what he did wrong, he is given time to calm down, he is reassured that he is loved, he is hugged

god i miss hugs

in this house, this home, tough days don’t end with children crying themselves to sleep and waking up to a pillow that is still damp with tears. kids dont scramble to hide the pieces of the picture frame they accidentally broke, they dont accidentally cut themselves in the process, they dont accidentally start digging for their own blood and pain on purpose as the years go on. this child will never cut himself with razor blades

in this house, this home, tough days may result in getting sent to your room, but they dont end there. they end with quiet “i love you”s whispered at the top of the stairs, it ends with sitting in content silence together and the simple comfort of solidarity while this boy works through emotions too big for his eight year old body

i miss i love yous

the genuine ones

the ones that arent said just for the sake of putting the words out into the universe

the ones that arent for points

but i do have a home.

home is

pepsi stains

from a can thrown out of rage

stuck on picture frames

that after all these god forsaken years

still fucking remain

home is razor blades

and burning flames

and a knife's-edge graze

its fantasizing of jumping through window panes

home is spending all my days in a haze

hurting myself in the most creative of ways

from a terribly young age

a church photo portrait that hung in our hall

the man in black

the woman with ever changing hair

the baby that never smiles

and the pretty little girl

in the pretty little pink and black dress

a temporary tattoo of a star on her cheek

a big black scorpion tattoo on her forearm

“can we edit them out? they’re so unsightly”

“of course” they say

and yet today i look at that scorpion

that star on my cheek

the drops of caffeinated soda that still mars their surfaces

and think this is me. this is it. this is home.

im tired

i say this a lot, its my response to the never ending questions

how are you?

are you ok?

im tired.

interpret that as you want

because its meant in any possible way you can imagine

im tired. and im waiting for the day when i can feel at home again

when i can finally rest

when i can finally breathe

fuck

i want to go home

but alas.

if i want to go home, i need to find it first.

maybe i can still have hope.

it will take years, and im so tired

but i have to try

i have to try and find home again

[gothic-gnosis]

wow. that last post is funny. so, he hasnt texted since tht last post, he did respond but when i sent another photo, he did'nt. ive finally accepted that he just doesnt want me. i bought a fuckin belt to match his, however its a belt that makes sense. especially as both of us r malnourished skinny people.

slipknot reminds me of him. which sucks a lot cause i really like slipknot now. it reminds me of both of them. the thing is. im known for being extremely distant. i keep everybody arms length at all times. it sucks when i really need to talk but its fine. i'm just rlly glad i feel like im god now. ive accpeted that im pretty and that im a fucking weirdo . so thats cool.

i really genuinely enjoy working. everybody really likes me. stylists tip me. i havent been bullied by anybody for how i look so thats cool. i have yet to hear clients complaining about it. i wear platform boots or hello kitty converse. i wear chains and corsets. tripp pants are about to pull up in that bitch. i have a lot of egirl/emo fashion related shit, including homemade ripped fishnets, dog collars. nobody says anything about it. i think it might partly be because everything i wear is polished and flattering. i think the only downfall is my coat. and my stained jeans. and my fading fashion color lol. which ill redo on tuesday, it definitely can be purple and blue LOL.

i really love grimes. shes such a meme but i really love her music. i appreciate it a lot.

i miss him. i really do. i see his car everywhere. without the shitty paint job and torn ass insides. i want his playlist. he tried rlly hard to make me not panic when he drove me home. and then the time he called me and he thought i was asleep when rlly i was crying because he didnt drive me home LMFAO. what a fucking brat i am. although id avoid being alone with him considering he does play with my feelings a lot. and that hurts pretty bad lol. i think i tried really hard to get him to validate me and never got it beyond being ok to talk to and pretty. i miss him though. i miss having a person to obsess over. all i do now is work and smoke weed. like a loser. i just dont wanna see anybody anymore i think. im tired of having my feelings fucked with, honestly. it seems like i trust bad people. judas's mod doesnt even respond to me anymore so. its just you and me. future me reading and the one writing it now. maybe one day this will be all there is to remind myself this time period happened and how i felt. i do feel pretty empty and i am dissociating pretty bad. i wish i had an fp. i miss having a person to make me feel like a person. metallica goes hard.

i think my next tiktok will be me sayin "recording every time i dont feel like a person" with One lol. i love being a metal head. even tho im a goth, my peepee does get hard for metallica. big hard. HUGE. imagine. baby child 6 yr old me listening to my sister fall asleep to orion LOL. funny. i laugh.

anyways. idk. im pretty satisfied rn. im ok with being single. im ok not having an fp but i thought i was more lovable than this. like i thought i was a sexy bitch but then again nobody ever flirts with me. it turns out men actually dont want manic pixie dream girls??? i literally fit the criteria. im very much in the 3D manic pixie dreamgirl category but the thing is, i never open up because the story doesnt need it. i fit a very strict aesthetic, unclear past, fashion color. stable job so i never complain abt actual problems like poverty. liberal and a lil fruity.

i told myself if by 11:11 he hasn't texted me back. and if i see lime green jeeps, id drop him. floating balloons were the sign to keep waiting. i saw some on tiktok but--

not me discovering motley crue LMFAOOO. this is 10/10, my pp hard.

anyways. if he doesnt text me by 11:11 and if i see lime green jeeps, ill move on.

[xoxoemynn]

can i complain? im gonna complain. my mental health has been horrible lately, and as if i'm not struggling enough, my downstairs neighbor has decided to hate me. literally. she's like 60 years old, and calls in the middle of the night claiming that i'm throwing things into the floor and making noise, even though i'm literally doing nothing, and other neighbors think she's crazy too. also she smokes so that the tobacco scent travels up through my balcony door and when i asked her to stop (cont)

she claims she will continue to bother me with the smoke until "i have learned my lesson" (not making noise? i'm not making noise, she is literally waking me up complaining about how i just made a noise?? i'm asleep??? lol) and she's called authorities bc my dogs apparently never get to go outside?? they are outside four times a day on long walks but ok??? lol. and now she found out i have snakes so ofc she called the authorities bc "they're venomous, they're going to escape and crawl up my toilet!!" lmfao. i'm so tired. my snakes help me with my anxiety and i have locks on their enclosures and i walk my dogs and i am very careful not to make noise i literally want to die i'm dealing with enough shit. sorry i needed to go on an anon rant im sry love u em

omg oh no bb I’m so sorry this sounds awful, your neighbor sounds like a petty, spiteful beast and I know it sucks that there’s just no escape. Shitty neighbors are the worstttttt, and I’m sure hearing from the authorities isn’t helping your anxiety at all. :( Okay so idk if any of this will actually be applicable/helpful but just some things that came to mind when reading your messages:

Okay first just BREATHEEEEE. You did literally nothing wrong, you’re just living your life and being a responsible pet owner and you don’t deserve to be treated this way. I would just try to avoid her as much as possible, since I kind of doubt she’s going to change. But I would also just take some steps to protect yourself so she can’t make things any worse for you.

If you have a landlord who’s remotely useful, reach out to them about this neighbor’s behavior. If she’s violating any parts of her lease, that’s their job to deal with. Plus, it sounds like her behavior may even now be considered harassment at this point? 

Even if the landlord thing is a moot point, I would keep a paper trail and document everythingggggg. This may just be because I’ve been spending a lot of time reading stories at JustNoMIL, but once people reveal themselves to be this horrible, “little” things can escalate quickly...and honestly, if she’s already contact the authorities for completely unsubstantiated reasons, I’d say she’s already pretty far up there. Any time she calls, yells, or snaps at you, does anything to make you feel REMOTELY uncomfortable, write it down. PAPER TRAILS ARE EVERYTHING SERIOUSLY PROTECT YOURSELF. Pro-tip: get one of those black and white marble composition books , because it’s then really obvious if a page just “mysteriously” goes missing for whatever reason. I’m sorry if I sound paranoid and I don’t mean to alarm you, but I’m just a HUGE proponent of always having everything in writing because it protects YOU, so always better to be safe than sorry.

Okay, so it sounds like “the authorities” = animal control or the like, yes? And not the police? Because if it’s the police, I have a feeling they’re going to get fed up REAL fast with some asshole filing false complaints...especially since, ya know, that’s a crime. If it IS the police, and if you feel safe doing so, it may be worth calling their non-emergency line and say you have a neighbor harassing you and filing false complaints, detailing exactly what’s been happening. Honestly it’s doubtful they’ll do anything but it may serve as a pre-emptive action step so if she DOES go to them, they have a record of it. If it’s some sort of animal control, it may be worth doing something similar and perhaps inviting them to your home to do a wellness check? So that way if she calls again they can go “lady please fuck off you are wasting everyone’s time and oxygen.”

Okay but she’s CALLING you in the middle of the night, what the hell??? Two options here: 1) BLOCK HER ASS or 2) Set it up in your phone so calls from her are always set to silent/do not disturb mode -- that way she won’t wake you up but you’ll also have record of all the times she called you for your paper trail.

It’s occurred to me that I sound very Dramatic in all this so I hope nothing I say in here is frightening to you!!!! Chances are she’s just an obnoxious twatbox who’s miserable and bored and trying to make life difficult for everyone around her, but I just want to make sure you are SAFE bc she worries me. :( 

Okay so now that I’ve gotten all the safety precautions out of the way LOL just please take care of yourself!! If your mental health is already struggling, having to deal with this indomitable force of ... idk evil sounds dramatic but I’m gonna run with it anyway, can REALLY fuck you up. (Seriously, I’m shuddering imagining it, all the hugs to you.) So make sure you really prioritize things that do help with your anxiety. If that means more snake time, going on long walks, baking, writing, taking bubble baths, WHATEVER, do that and be entirely unapologetic about it. 

Maybe find some camaraderie with your neighbors? Misery loves company and all that, it may make you feel a little better to just be able to vent to someone who gets it. Plus it’s always good to have some allies on your side. (Also, honestly, I LOVE reading JustNoMIL, even though I don’t have a mother-in-law, lol, but they do give a lot of really good advice and inspiration on how to stand up to these kinds of people who are out on some mean-spirited, vengeful spite fest.)

Seriously go treat yourself to some ice cream or something because you deserve it. 

I’m so sorry, lovely, this sounds really terrible and it sucks that you feel uncomfortable in your own home. :( Please just take care of yourself and stay safe. Hopefully she’ll calm down or move or something and you won’t have to deal with her for much longer. Pop into my inbox anytime you need me. I hope you get a good rest tonight!!!! Sending you all the hugs and good vibes in the universe.

#Anonymous

[agentdammers]

Grand Torchwood Rewatch 1x12 & 13

IF YOU FALL I WILL CATCH U I’LL BE WAITING........ T I M E A F T E R T I M E

One season down...... It’s a Finale Double Whammy, just as it aired back in 2007! Crumbs of Jack Lore drop into our laps, some absolute plot bullshit takes place, an old man is there!!! fuck it let’s get this over with

content warn: pisstaking, fun having, oh! plot bullshit!, i absolutely lose my fucking mind, Owen Harper!!! I Won’t Hesitate Bitch

1x12 “captain jack harkness”

- a thought before we dive in, but man owen gets A LOT of story stuff over the course of the 2 seasons he’s in right??? like more story stuff than ianto and tosh combined. interesting

- AH FUCK!!! A VOTE SAXON POSTER. REMEMBER WHEN?

- so..... here’s a thing. “Ohhh people have heard music from a derelict building! better send torchwood in!” how... does that come about? Could it be squatters or something??? fuck it, let’s send in a Secret Government Agency! they’ll sort it out. i mean we don’t know what they do exactly but i imagine at least one of them is a ghostbuster or something lmao, whatever

- OH NO THIS CREEPY OLD BITCH!!! i forgot how scary he looked!! god, this dude must be a million, or a vampire, or likely both

- tosh’s eyes get SO BIG WHEN THAT GUY ASKS HER TO DANCE I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! she’s the best one!!!!!!

- wish i could wipe this episode entirely from my memory because that fucking reveal when the Real jack harkness introduces himself? F    U    C   K

- speaking of tosh, finding it extremely unconvincing that she, a tech nerd, would go out with a laptop with an almost completely flat battery... like, c’mon. she would be prepared

- Gwen cooper, a fully adult woman: haha me and my friends;;;; came here 4 a dare;;; cos its spooky lol....

- the camera on this show has me fucking SCREEEAMING “He wears a cravat.” THERE’S A DRAMATIC SLOW MOTION ZOOM IN ON THIS GUYS FUCKING CRAVAT AND THEN ON IANTO’S FACE LOOKING AT IT AND ITS ALL IN FUCKING EARNEST LET ME DIE!!!!!!!!!

- the dance they’re at is called “KISS THE BOYS GOODBYE DANCE”, which is what my finishing move would be called if i was a character in a fighting game

- ianto and owen slapfighting over their shit girlfriend experiences fucking owns genuinely lmao

- tosh pops the top off a tin and then cuts her hand open on the obviously blunt fucking lid?????? jesus christ

- “I’m tired of living in awe of the rift!!!” .....................first i’ve heard of it. I love that owen is talking as though the rift has been a major fucking factor throughout the entire series up until this point, rather than a thing that’s just been vaguely fucking referenced as the reason why a bunch of weird shit just seems to happen in cardiff. no, im not standing for this. You can’t pull out the rift at the eleventh hour and then talk about it as though it’s a Hugely Important plot device when the biggest role it’s had over the stretch of the entire 11 Whole Ass episodes prefacing this was to allow the plane to come through in “out of time”. y’all have barely mentioned the rift this entire time and now you want to act like its the hellmouth??? eat my ass!!!!!!

- and continuing on that note: apparently they’ve had a machine that can manipulate the rift in the hub......... the entire goddamn time. but no one thought to MENTION it i guess!!!!!!!! pfft, why would THAT be important??? right???? right?????

this plot bullshit almost makes me feel bad for how harsh i was about “cyberwoman” but, i will admit.... despite this Absolute Fucking Nonsense, i do find the jack and tosh storyline in this episode really fun and interesting. its just unfortunate that all the stuff arrrrround that is some kind of fic scrawled in the back of a kid’s math book.

- also the size of owen’s fucking NADS in this episode!!!!!!!! “Don’t compare yourself to me.” SAYS MAN CRYING OVER THE GIRL HE KNEW FOR ONE (1!) (SINGULAR) WEEK!!!! as opposed to ianto’s longterm girlfriend being turned into a monster and eventually murdered by his own team!!!! Like, i understand that’s owen’s problem actually goes beyond that, and its not so much about diane herself but about the fact that he let himself feel close to someone again after his fiancee died but for us, The Audience, watching this as it airs... we haven’t unlocked owen’s tragic backstory yet. and without knowing all that it just makes owen look really bad and like a huge fucking tool lmfao.

- NEVERMIND THE END IS GAY AND SAD AND Y’KNOW!!!!!! i am a man of simple pleasures, at heart, and so... i’ll let it slide. jack meeting his namesake knowing that he’s going to die and them having a moment is more of the kind of emotional content we would get in episodes of doctor who, and its Just Right

- in honesty, theres a bunch of stuff about this ep that i DO like. that tosh gets a prominant role for a change, while gwen gets to do fuck all. the whole Real Jack story. owen gets shot and pops a tit out at the end. its just unfortunate thats its all wrapped up in this rift thing thats been wheeled out last minute for a Big Season Finale with no real foreshadowing or build up to it at all lmao. but, moving on...............................................................................................

1x13 “end of days”

- RHYS BUNS DETECTED, A SOUND WAY TO KICK OFF ANY EPISODE

- lovely reading voice ianto’s got..... i also like owen acting up to make sure we know that they remember him being shot in the shoulder last episode lol.

- “owen, if you open the rift you’ll break it” (owen opens the rift anyway) “owen, you opening the rift broke it” (owen GASPS IN DISMAY, ME??? REALLY?) yes bitch open your ears

- “So are we going to sit around crying into our lattes or are we gonna do something about it?” OWEN..... IS THIS. SUPPOSED TO SOUND BADASS I.... GENUINELY CANT TELL? IT SOUNDS BAD, OWEN

- jack was so likeable last ep now he’s a DICK. gwen calls him out on how he talked to owen and he’s really fucking catty at HER for no reason at all????

- i haaaaaaaaate this scene in the hospital where a Mystery Illness has all the fucking symptoms of the bubonic plague but apparently every doctor in the entire hospital never did high school level history and are all incapable of recognising it. if fucking *i* know what symptoms of the bubonic plague are im sure they didn’t need Absolute Brain Genius Owen Harper who is seemingly the only person with any sense in cardiff to come in and diagnose it. i also hate how owen just like casually mentions to the doctor yep, this is caused by people falling through time dude yknow!!! like they do!! expect more of this to keep happening probably idk!!

- “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU OPENED THE RIFT WITH THIS MACHINE WE HAVE THAT’S FOR UHHHHHHHH UHHHHHHH OPENING THE RIFT *big fuck off galaxy brain*” thats basically this episode.

- i love that owen has followed jack all this time but NOW in a crisis is the time to actually lose it and start questioning his authority bc they dont Actually know who jack is like???? you’ve been fine not knowing this entire time before??? thats not to say that jack isn’t an entire dumbass himself. he expects them all to follow him blindly and its so creepy. he’s like a cult leader, and as they all have Torchwood Stockholm Syndrome that ive mentioned in previous episode run downs they’ve all just gone along with it.

- owen having a little cry on the way out is such a Good scene bc he puts on such a brave and defiant front tho 💕💖💘💕

- i dont know why the really quick flashback to diane flying off in the plane made me lose my fucking mind, its just like “LMAO IN CASE U FORGOT: SHE WAS THE PLANE LADY. I KNOW SHE WAS ONLY IN FOR LIKE TWO MINUTES, BUT DONT WORRY ABOUT IT.”

- gwen for fucks sake!!!!!!!! not again!!!!! after all the cryptic shit and lies she’s told rhys up until this point, she now knocks him out and locks him in a cell and STILL offers no explanation. this poor fucking dude!!!!!!!!! and it’s about to get even worse for him...

- the way gwen screams “RHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUURRRRRSSSSS”

- YES EVERYONE REBEL AGAINST JACK!!!!!!! FUCK THIS DUDE!!!! you’re doing what a creepy old dude who is Absolutely Definitely evil wants, but still

- why does gwen start doing shit on the computer when toshiko, the computer expert, is standing right there, like.............

- JACK TRYING TO SMACKTALK TO ENTIRE GANG LIKE HIS OWN CLOSET ISN’T CHOCKFUL OF FUCKING SKELETONS

- i forget, does anyone know jack’s immortal apart from gwen? or was it just the shock of owen actually Shooting Their Boss? the only onscreen death i can recall of his after suzie shot him was in “cyberwoman”

- god, minutes ago they were all like FUCK JACK!!!! JACK DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO SAVE US AFTER ALL!!! and now theyre all crawling back asking jack to save them all from cgi pig Ganon and its just..... a lot to happen, over the space of about half an hour.

- the ending is so anticlimatic and also why does sucking all the Yummy Life Energy out of jack make abaddon die?????????? Though in its defence... after like 3 bowls of cereal, i too am like OUCH OOF MY BONES

- aaaaaaaaaand rhys is back! will he get treated any better from here on out? i dont remember!!! guess we’ll see.

- bit much of gwen who’s actually known jack the shortest time of them all to be like NO, let ME be with him uwuwuwuuw

- ahhh!!! ianto smelling jack’s coat ;_;

- aaaand jack’s back too. AND HE GETS TO HOLD A CRYING OWEN? FOR ME? oh you shouldn’t have! this Almost makes up for all that rift plot bullshit (almost. i still know what u did.)

- ANDDDDD OH SHIT. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE GOOD ENDING. HERE COMES THE TARDIS. FUCKING YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...............................and there it goes. one season down. sorry this one was so long!!! i love and appreciate anyone to takes the time to read these posts. thank u!!!!

#grand torchwood rewatch 2018 #LONG POST #i got mad abt plot shit A Lot during this finale