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agentdammers · 6 years

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Grand Torchwood Rewatch 1x12 & 13

IF YOU FALL I WILL CATCH U I’LL BE WAITING........ T I M E A F T E R T I M E

One season down...... It’s a Finale Double Whammy, just as it aired back in 2007! Crumbs of Jack Lore drop into our laps, some absolute plot bullshit takes place, an old man is there!!! fuck it let’s get this over with

content warn: pisstaking, fun having, oh! plot bullshit!, i absolutely lose my fucking mind, Owen Harper!!! I Won’t Hesitate Bitch

1x12 “captain jack harkness”

- a thought before we dive in, but man owen gets A LOT of story stuff over the course of the 2 seasons he’s in right??? like more story stuff than ianto and tosh combined. interesting

- AH FUCK!!! A VOTE SAXON POSTER. REMEMBER WHEN?

- so..... here’s a thing. “Ohhh people have heard music from a derelict building! better send torchwood in!” how... does that come about? Could it be squatters or something??? fuck it, let’s send in a Secret Government Agency! they’ll sort it out. i mean we don’t know what they do exactly but i imagine at least one of them is a ghostbuster or something lmao, whatever

- OH NO THIS CREEPY OLD BITCH!!! i forgot how scary he looked!! god, this dude must be a million, or a vampire, or likely both

- tosh’s eyes get SO BIG WHEN THAT GUY ASKS HER TO DANCE I LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! she’s the best one!!!!!!

- wish i could wipe this episode entirely from my memory because that fucking reveal when the Real jack harkness introduces himself? F U C K

- speaking of tosh, finding it extremely unconvincing that she, a tech nerd, would go out with a laptop with an almost completely flat battery... like, c’mon. she would be prepared

- Gwen cooper, a fully adult woman: haha me and my friends;;;; came here 4 a dare;;; cos its spooky lol....

- the camera on this show has me fucking SCREEEAMING “He wears a cravat.” THERE’S A DRAMATIC SLOW MOTION ZOOM IN ON THIS GUYS FUCKING CRAVAT AND THEN ON IANTO’S FACE LOOKING AT IT AND ITS ALL IN FUCKING EARNEST LET ME DIE!!!!!!!!!

- the dance they’re at is called “KISS THE BOYS GOODBYE DANCE”, which is what my finishing move would be called if i was a character in a fighting game

- ianto and owen slapfighting over their shit girlfriend experiences fucking owns genuinely lmao

- tosh pops the top off a tin and then cuts her hand open on the obviously blunt fucking lid?????? jesus christ

- “I’m tired of living in awe of the rift!!!” .....................first i’ve heard of it. I love that owen is talking as though the rift has been a major fucking factor throughout the entire series up until this point, rather than a thing that’s just been vaguely fucking referenced as the reason why a bunch of weird shit just seems to happen in cardiff. no, im not standing for this. You can’t pull out the rift at the eleventh hour and then talk about it as though it’s a Hugely Important plot device when the biggest role it’s had over the stretch of the entire 11 Whole Ass episodes prefacing this was to allow the plane to come through in “out of time”. y’all have barely mentioned the rift this entire time and now you want to act like its the hellmouth??? eat my ass!!!!!!

- and continuing on that note: apparently they’ve had a machine that can manipulate the rift in the hub......... the entire goddamn time. but no one thought to MENTION it i guess!!!!!!!! pfft, why would THAT be important??? right???? right?????

this plot bullshit almost makes me feel bad for how harsh i was about “cyberwoman” but, i will admit.... despite this Absolute Fucking Nonsense, i do find the jack and tosh storyline in this episode really fun and interesting. its just unfortunate that all the stuff arrrrround that is some kind of fic scrawled in the back of a kid’s math book.

- also the size of owen’s fucking NADS in this episode!!!!!!!! “Don’t compare yourself to me.” SAYS MAN CRYING OVER THE GIRL HE KNEW FOR ONE (1!) (SINGULAR) WEEK!!!! as opposed to ianto’s longterm girlfriend being turned into a monster and eventually murdered by his own team!!!! Like, i understand that’s owen’s problem actually goes beyond that, and its not so much about diane herself but about the fact that he let himself feel close to someone again after his fiancee died but for us, The Audience, watching this as it airs... we haven’t unlocked owen’s tragic backstory yet. and without knowing all that it just makes owen look really bad and like a huge fucking tool lmfao.

- NEVERMIND THE END IS GAY AND SAD AND Y’KNOW!!!!!! i am a man of simple pleasures, at heart, and so... i’ll let it slide. jack meeting his namesake knowing that he’s going to die and them having a moment is more of the kind of emotional content we would get in episodes of doctor who, and its Just Right

- in honesty, theres a bunch of stuff about this ep that i DO like. that tosh gets a prominant role for a change, while gwen gets to do fuck all. the whole Real Jack story. owen gets shot and pops a tit out at the end. its just unfortunate thats its all wrapped up in this rift thing thats been wheeled out last minute for a Big Season Finale with no real foreshadowing or build up to it at all lmao. but, moving on...............................................................................................

1x13 “end of days”

- RHYS BUNS DETECTED, A SOUND WAY TO KICK OFF ANY EPISODE

- lovely reading voice ianto’s got..... i also like owen acting up to make sure we know that they remember him being shot in the shoulder last episode lol.

- “owen, if you open the rift you’ll break it” (owen opens the rift anyway) “owen, you opening the rift broke it” (owen GASPS IN DISMAY, ME??? REALLY?) yes bitch open your ears

- “So are we going to sit around crying into our lattes or are we gonna do something about it?” OWEN..... IS THIS. SUPPOSED TO SOUND BADASS I.... GENUINELY CANT TELL? IT SOUNDS BAD, OWEN

- jack was so likeable last ep now he’s a DICK. gwen calls him out on how he talked to owen and he’s really fucking catty at HER for no reason at all????

- i haaaaaaaaate this scene in the hospital where a Mystery Illness has all the fucking symptoms of the bubonic plague but apparently every doctor in the entire hospital never did high school level history and are all incapable of recognising it. if fucking *i* know what symptoms of the bubonic plague are im sure they didn’t need Absolute Brain Genius Owen Harper who is seemingly the only person with any sense in cardiff to come in and diagnose it. i also hate how owen just like casually mentions to the doctor yep, this is caused by people falling through time dude yknow!!! like they do!! expect more of this to keep happening probably idk!!

- “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU OPENED THE RIFT WITH THIS MACHINE WE HAVE THAT’S FOR UHHHHHHHH UHHHHHHH OPENING THE RIFT *big fuck off galaxy brain*” thats basically this episode.

- i love that owen has followed jack all this time but NOW in a crisis is the time to actually lose it and start questioning his authority bc they dont Actually know who jack is like???? you’ve been fine not knowing this entire time before??? thats not to say that jack isn’t an entire dumbass himself. he expects them all to follow him blindly and its so creepy. he’s like a cult leader, and as they all have Torchwood Stockholm Syndrome that ive mentioned in previous episode run downs they’ve all just gone along with it.

- owen having a little cry on the way out is such a Good scene bc he puts on such a brave and defiant front tho 💕💖💘💕

- i dont know why the really quick flashback to diane flying off in the plane made me lose my fucking mind, its just like “LMAO IN CASE U FORGOT: SHE WAS THE PLANE LADY. I KNOW SHE WAS ONLY IN FOR LIKE TWO MINUTES, BUT DONT WORRY ABOUT IT.”

- gwen for fucks sake!!!!!!!! not again!!!!! after all the cryptic shit and lies she’s told rhys up until this point, she now knocks him out and locks him in a cell and STILL offers no explanation. this poor fucking dude!!!!!!!!! and it’s about to get even worse for him...

- the way gwen screams “RHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUURRRRRSSSSS”

- YES EVERYONE REBEL AGAINST JACK!!!!!!! FUCK THIS DUDE!!!! you’re doing what a creepy old dude who is Absolutely Definitely evil wants, but still

- why does gwen start doing shit on the computer when toshiko, the computer expert, is standing right there, like.............

- JACK TRYING TO SMACKTALK TO ENTIRE GANG LIKE HIS OWN CLOSET ISN’T CHOCKFUL OF FUCKING SKELETONS

- i forget, does anyone know jack’s immortal apart from gwen? or was it just the shock of owen actually Shooting Their Boss? the only onscreen death i can recall of his after suzie shot him was in “cyberwoman”

- god, minutes ago they were all like FUCK JACK!!!! JACK DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO SAVE US AFTER ALL!!! and now theyre all crawling back asking jack to save them all from cgi pig Ganon and its just..... a lot to happen, over the space of about half an hour.

- the ending is so anticlimatic and also why does sucking all the Yummy Life Energy out of jack make abaddon die?????????? Though in its defence... after like 3 bowls of cereal, i too am like OUCH OOF MY BONES

- aaaaaaaaaand rhys is back! will he get treated any better from here on out? i dont remember!!! guess we’ll see.

- bit much of gwen who’s actually known jack the shortest time of them all to be like NO, let ME be with him uwuwuwuuw

- ahhh!!! ianto smelling jack’s coat ;_;

- aaaand jack’s back too. AND HE GETS TO HOLD A CRYING OWEN? FOR ME? oh you shouldn’t have! this Almost makes up for all that rift plot bullshit (almost. i still know what u did.)

- ANDDDDD OH SHIT. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE GOOD ENDING. HERE COMES THE TARDIS. FUCKING YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...............................and there it goes. one season down. sorry this one was so long!!! i love and appreciate anyone to takes the time to read these posts. thank u!!!!

#grand torchwood rewatch 2018 #LONG POST #i got mad abt plot shit A Lot during this finale

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agentdammers · 6 years

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little rewatch things:

did........ owen harper actually handmake a birthday card for tosh.... that he like coloured in with felt pens and stuff

#torchwood #grand torchwood rewatch 2018 #its beautiful i love it

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agentdammers · 6 years

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Grand Torchwood Rewatch 1x11

FIRST RULE OF WEEVIL FIGHT CLUB IS NO FUCKIN HETS ALLOWED IN WEEVIL FIGHT CLUB. It’s “Combat” my dudes!!!

content warn: pisstaking, fun having, everyone is terrible, owen harper call me its been 3 weeks and you still havent called me i’ve been home every day

- god, “anti weevil spray” is such a terrible and immensely fucking funny concept. IT’S ALIEN REPELLENT JACK. you’ve acquired Alien Repellent. do they sell that on the aisle next to the ant killer, or,

- i hate how gwen abandoning rhys at the restaurant is still kind of framed as though he’s in the wrong!!! He raises his voice because he’s such a HORRIBLE UNREASONABLE boyfriend, obviously!! “Don’t ever speak to me like that.” what do you want him to do gwen, jump for fucking joy? All you’ve done is run out on him, be totally fucking absent when you Did grace him with your presence bc you’d rather not be there, and LIE to him including bringing a total stranger into your home and claiming to him that she was a relative. And that’s only the stuff he KNOWS about, that doesn’t include fucking uhhhh Cheating On Him with your obnoxious twink coworker? Get a grip!!!!!

- continuing on the topic of gwen, she’s now obviously lost to that Torchwood Stockholm Syndrome that manages to afflict every member of the team and makes them Dumb as all Shit. once you become part of torchwood, your life becomes torchwood, and you forget how to be a reasonable fucking person outside of it and not do stupid shit like keep secret alien technology to fuck around with and seemingly forget that other people have feelings and that your actions can have damaging consequences. ....but thats just my 2p.

- angry bar dude calls owen a dickhead me: ah? i see you’ve met before?

- “That’s none of my business...” TOSHIKO DOIN WHAT LITERALLY EVERYONE DOES AFTER THEY’VE ALREADY STARTED DISHING THE GOSS ON SOMEONE

- now, listen, this has been on my mind since 1x01, but who dresses the weevils? and why do they all wear overalls!!! is this ever addressed? in any of the books, or anything? do they ever explain who puts clothes on these animalistic creatures bc they dont seem like it would be something that they would do of their own volition???

- THE WAY JACK YELLS AT A MAN LAYING FACE DOWN IN A WAREHOUSE AS THOUGH HE’S JUST THERE FOR LAUGHS AND HE’S GONNA GO “AW SHUCKS, SURE BUDDY! I’LL ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS!” IS SO FUCKING FUNNY I CANT COPE

- “If you ask me these guys are using weevils to carry out the perfect murder. No fingerprints, no traces of recognisable dna...” jack they fucking beat the dude up before they set a weevil on him. if it was a “”perfect murder”” why do some stupid bullshit like that first that would potentially cover someone in your fucking dna im shitting this Fucking Show, i tell ya

- speaking of Fucking Show: ah ! owen looks absolutely fucking plastered in foundation in the following scene in the van when gwen breaks it off with him

- WAIT ALL IS FORGIVEN, OWEN IS WEARING THAT TIGER SHIRT I LIKE

- Mark Lynch Wants Owen’s Butt Whole and THAT is what the kids call......... relatable content

- the “harper’s jellied eels” website bit is genuinely really good and funny it fuckin owns

- “Teeth like a shark.” jack harkness confirmed to have never seen a fucking shark in his life apparently if he thinks weevils teeth are owt like them

- anyone else fucked up that jack just let a weevil loose??? like how could you know that it wouldn’t run into some poor random person walking the streets and bite their face off.... but then again, tbqh, this is an extremely minor thing when you think of the scale of torchwood’s irresponsibility wrt Fucking Everything.

- Weevil tyler durden/mark emits horniness in fucking WAVES guys holy shit!! you could bottle it. sell this dudes aura as a humane alternative to rhino horn. Dude has now got owen home on the first date and immediately whips his shirt off, your boy is UNSTOPPABLE!!!!

- drinking game fans, TAKE A SHOT for another reference to something in the darkness

- though i will always Love jack being called out on terrible behaviour, there’s something about tosh saying “we would never deliberately put a human being through that!” to a weevil being beaten up thats like....... mmmmm i’m pretty sure yall have done Worse to people before though babe.... like, Pretty Sure...

- i can’t decide if the scene where gwen drugs & confesses to rhys is consciously showing that gwen is so fucking corrupted by Torchwood Stockholm Syndrome that she’ll go right ahead and do stupid immoral shit??? tbh i’ve grown so fond of rhys just bc i feel so bad for him, being lied to, cheated on and now, fucking roofied.

- O??? Baby Boy??? Baby???

- side note: makeup artists Know burn gorman looks good with a split lip, and so they run wth it (see also: pacific rim uprising)

- Ah? Did mark touch owen’s dick before they went to weevil fight club? I Think So !!!

- To be honest the funniest aspect of weevil fight club for me, apart from all of it, is that some dudes found an alien in cardiff and their immediate thought was “woah, wicked. lets punch it”

- another side note but about mark: something about his features are very...... david zayas, like a combination of him and rufus sewell but younger and buffer. h e l l o

- MARK & OWEN HAVE BOTH NOW CALLED EACHOTHER “GOOD BOY” AND HONESTLY!!!!!!!! HOLLERIN!!!!!! OH, HORNY!!!!

- owen and ianto confirmed to form their own club for Nihilistic Sad Boys Ready To Embrace Death

- LMAO WHY DOES JACK LEAVE MARK TO GET MAULED TO DEATH??? HE COULD’VE PULLED HIM OUT? HE COULD’VE SHOT THE WEEVIL AGAIN AND INCAPACITATED IT? HE COULD’VE DONE LITERALLY ANYTHING BUT HE DIDN’T, HE JUST PUT HIS GUN DOWN? god, why is he fucking l i k e t h a t, u know??? he’s so willing to let other people outside of his own team die.

- owen sexy update: hospital owen............... sexy

- and on a final note, i do like how this episode sets up the bizarre relationship owen will have with the weevils that comes into play in s2. like its not strictly necessary i suppose because it would be explained by them perceiving owen’s unnatural living death state but also, its just kind of cool to think that it was a thing that actually existed anyway even before that.

next rewatch post with probably be a double season finale, and apart from there being time travel & the Real Jack Harkness i don’t remember a fuckin thing about how this series ended so i’m going in blind!!! wish me luck!

#long post/#LONG #grand torchwood rewatch 2018

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agentdammers · 6 years

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Grand Torchwood Rewatch eps 1x05, 06, 07

oh!!!!!!!! the saga that no one asked for continues!!!!!!

content warn: pisstaking, fun having, no one is safe, everyone is terrible

1x05 “small worlds”

- before we even start, i will say this: i hate this fucking episode bc a nice old lady dies. if anything involves Nice old ppl, really little kids, or animals being hurt, i hate it and also fuck u for making me look at this oh its sad!!! hate that!!!!

- oh shes so Nice and she just likes fairies so much its v fucked up!!!!!!! and she’s also looking for her cat when she dies which is like a DOUBLE SAD WHAMMY, dont like that at ALL!!!!

- the fairies in this look like that bitch from Strange Magic. i dont remember his name but you know who i mean, the bugman

- actually the fairy cgi is like some of the best cgi of the series so far. its a low bar and everything but still

- ah yes!!! jack’s Identical Twin Dad. WILD

- cargo pants owen............ sexy...... (Im Being Totally Sincere Btw, I Assure You)

- snidey shit aside a pedo gets owned multiple times thru this episode which is v Good honestly

- the bit when gwen shouts “TELL ME JACK” and then like.... looks away really suddenly??? is some of the most bizarre acting ive seen in A Time like. man if i was the director, i wouldve had to be like, eve love u by the way but also like: What the Fuck

- Very Unintentionally Funny Moment: Owen trying to restrain this woman super awkwardly so he doesnt accidentally grab her tits??????????

- and here jack sacrifices someone else’s kid.............. just like he will do later on to his own *spoiler 4 children of earth* grandson

1x06 “countrycide”

- my memory of this episode had boiled down to a vague outline bc literally all i can think of now is “this is the episode where burn got done for trying to steal a bath while they were filming”

- “monster” by the automatic, what a tune of yesteryear! remember when you couldnt so much as scratch your arse without this song blaring out your b hole

- “and WHAT is that SMELL?” “that would be grass” “.................it’s disgusting.” Oh! Kin

- Toshiko tell us more about this hepatitis burger ???????

- ok fer real tho. abandon the rest of this episode lets focus on the hep burger this sounds like an Amazing tale

- OWEN dirty talking!!!!!!!!!!! this is a family friendly rewatch bitch, keep it PG!!!!!!!!!

- ah fuck gwen’s dead. everyone go home, the rewatch is over nothin more to see

- u can look at My wound, owen 😎 ((((this is a funny joke bc by wound i mean my Butt Whole !))))

- when owen picks up the gun he keeps fuckin swinging it around like a character in a first person shooter tryin to pan the camera... what is he doing ?

- not to be cruel cos lad’s had a bad time but im so tired of ianto’s little face in this episode jesus. i forget when does this character become like. tolerable lmao

- tbh since this episode i have seen so many movies with basically this Exact Same storyline which makes it like....... really tiresome to watch? not torchwoods fault but!!! eugh !

- what IS torchwood’s fault however: That Fucking Slow Motion Of Jack Shooting Up The Place. this show does NOT look nearly expensive or cinematic enough to pull off that shit it really doesnt!!!!!! i also found it extremely funny that the Bad Cop has a handgun, bc what kind of showdown would it be if everyone Didnt have handguns!

- GWEN’S FUCKING A 9 STONE TWINK WHEN SHES GOT 100% WELSH BEEF WAITING AT HOME

1x07 “greeks bearing gifts”

- AKA ELECTRIC LESBOOGALOO 2: HOW TOSHIKO GOT HER GROOVE BACK

- deeply unrealistic that a single kid on a bike would be staring at a crime scene and not there with at least half a dozen of his mates

- seeing ppl smoke in indoor public spaces makes me feel Deeply Nostalgic, tbh

- mary’s deeply Sultry Lesbian Aura is so fucking powerful its knocked me clean on my ass

- god ianto just fucking Longs for death!!!!!!!!!!!! let him rest!!!!!!!!!!!!! holy fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- you dont need another Owen Sexy reminder but: purple tiger shirt owen? sexy

- WHYS ALIEN GOT TITTY

- ah! lov that casually transphobic anecdote from jack near the end! feels good feels organic!!!

- u ever want to just like jack harkness but he keeps doin shit like, oh, u know, straight up Launching An Alien Into The Fucking Sun And Killing Her

- anyway get toshiko sato a gf campaign 2018, peace out!

#LONG POST #grand torchwood rewatch 2018

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agentdammers · 6 years

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“Cyberwoman”

its the big one........... the Infamous....................... torchwood 1x04.....

let’s do this nasty thing

- How do i even begin to describe this episode? theres A Lot to unpack here. like. a lot

- the opening scene with everyone being RRRRRRROWDY and playing basketball in a confined space is cute but also, feels misplaced? random lmao, bizarre,

- ah! this episode!!!!! this episode that has haunted me since it’s original airing, in 2006!!!!!!!! this episode, irremovably burned into my skull, until the day that i finally die, and know peace!!!!! this Accursed fucking episode!!!!

- where do i begin, to try and word my feelings? lets begin with the cyberwoman herself: What In The Good Godded Fuck someone involved in this show, at some point, decided that this cyberman needed to be sexy. like that definitely happened, and theres nothing we can do about it. like that happened, for real. so they put this character, this half converted cyberman, in to a Metal Bikini because, yknow!!!!! why WOULDN’T the cybermen’s internal design involve some kind of protruding tittied Pussy Out look? and this was done with 100% sincerity, this was intended to be taken seriously. truly incredible. bad to look at.

- if you can suspend your belief for just a sec to get past the fact there’s a fullblown actual canon Sexified Cyberman running round with her puss out in this ep, baffling yet even further is the fact that ianto Apparently managed to smuggle not only a cyberman into the hub, but also, all that fucking equipment???? like the entire cyber conversion unit????? this is crrrrrazy!!!! The fact this stuff was in the hub alone and no one seemed to ever, at any point, have gone “hey.... whats down there?” or otherwise actually fucking looked around their entire Secret Base (which implies that Anything could have been in there and theyre too dumb to ever have known) is mindblowing but like, the sheer SCALE of the stuff thats down there!!!! its a full conversion unit!!!!!!!!!! oh my god!!!!!!

- returning to the metal bikini just one more time: the only sense i can make of this design is that if, canonically, all cybermen regardless of their original gender, are all wearing metallic bikinis under their outer casings. which would be Rad as hell actually

- i love that this episode really just goes 0-100 with ianto out of the blue, before now he’s done and said p much Fuck All and suddenly he’s right in the middle of this absurdly dark storyline simultaneously Begging for death while trying to save someone who is Absolutely set on killing fucking everyone else

- saying that i actually really LIKE just how chaotically dark this episode is and its one of the aspects of this (aside from the Bad Shit like metal bikini and the secret in the basement nonsense) that has made it perhaps the most Memorable ep of the entire show for me????

- return of the fantastically bad BBC cgi!!!! our tv licence pennies have Not gone to the parts of the programming that i would have liked lmao

- ianto is a really aggressively ugly crier. bad to look at part deux

- i hate the owen/gwen kiss lmao. like on his part, i understand but girl!!!!!! u have a bf waiting at home!!!!!!! who loves you!!!! youre gonna kiss this pasty little asshole in the dark, for why??? Shame On You!!!!!!

- “I was on top of you i could feel your hard on” That’s His Packer Babe ! trans owen 2k18

- after all this, the ending is just, so fucking brutal???? like the entire team fucking lines up like a firing squad and lets rip on lisa, u couldve taken her out in like a headshot guys!!! they just keep shooting and shooting her!!!!!! after feeding her to myfanwy, no less!!!!!! FUCKING RUTHLESS

- on the subject of which, i like that ianto calls jack out in the episode and calls him the monster. bc it seems that like, aside from gwen who is new and not used to the way they do things, the way the rest of the team reacts to things is so fucking shocking lmao. “oh we’ll just plant a body and fake this alien victims death” its so flippant, its good to see another member of the team actually go Maybe Yall Are Fucked Up instead of just shrugging off the way that they are

- anyway thats it!!!! episode done, and so sets the ball rolling of ianto just being absolutely fucking ready to die(tm), you poor poor welsh son of a bitch

#ive had such Beef w this episode since 2006 so im letting rip im sorry!!!!!!!!!!#in fairness this is more of a review than just pointing out shit i found funny #grand torchwood rewatch 2018

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agentdammers · 6 years

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EXTREMELY GOOD TORCHWOOD FACTOID: the sex alien didnt murderfuck owen bc he’s trans and it needs cis dude dick exclusively

#grand torchwood rewatch 2018 #and thats the truth!!!!!!!!!

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agentdammers · 6 years

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Grand Torchwood Rewatch 1x10

its the continuation of the saga that no fucker asked for!!!! Today we have torched wood 1x10 “out of time”, which also happens to be personally my favourite episode of the show so far

content warn: pisstaking blah blah, fun having, references to owen harper’s nips that absolutely no one wanted to see or hear

GENUINE CONTENT WARN /// this episode includes suicide

- ah, this episode!!! which has stayed with me, but not in the same way that the fucking infamous “cyberwoman” did. no, i originally began to rewatch a little of torchwood back in 2013-4, but after this episode i was Deeply Upset and had to stop for a while....... and kind of never picked up the rest of the series from there. so basically! this is the last episode that i’ve actually seen more than Once, In 2006, when it originally aired.

- anyway.... it begins. here lands the plane, time travelled from 1953. oh no im already sad!!! this is a sad episode, guys

- Owen Very Goblin Tier at the beginning of this ep

- does anywom remember Sugar Rush??? or Girls in Love, the series they made based off that jacqueline wilson book?? i had to pause to go imdb the young one the find where i knew her face from and it got me all nostalgic. but, i digress,

- just remembered that toshiko gets literally fuck all to do in this episode lmfao. even ianto gets more stuff in this one

- i dont know why but its really tickled me that the hub is covered in tinsel its just like a regular office fffghgdgh

- VERY FORTUNATE that the 50s man would turn on the radio to radio 3 apparently, like this was 2006, imagine if the first thing he heard was a blast of “sexyback”

- the idea that theyd need fake 2006 names is v odd to me bc like.... who would. who would go “WOW you have the same name as a generic man of no historic significance who disappeared in 1953!!!” like..... d. does it matter. idk

- Ianto getting spectacularly Owned by the sight of bananas overshadowing his explanation of how modern technology works warms my fucking Soul!!!

- i love stuff like this, i love ppl from the past experiencing the modern day this whole sequence with them shopping is so cute!!!!!!! i never seen someone so excited abt asda!

- WHEN I REWATCHED THIS EARLIER I MISSED THAT THEYRE TRYING TO MAKE TEA BY TEARING OPEN TEA BAGS AND EMPTYING THEM INTO THE TEA POT IM FUCKNGI SHITTING MYSELF

- Owen straight up dropping a fart joke on diane............ P U S S Y M A G N E T

- i love my 50s daughter she’s so cute let her go carol singing!!!!! fuckkkkk

- Don’t Like that john apparently cant smoke in the pub but diane’s smoking in a fucking restaurant??? yeah can i get uhhhhhhh some chicken with my ash

- ah!!!! can see owen’s pecs!!!!!!! he looks good!!!!! fuck this!!!!!!!

- liver for dinner! truly they are from the 50s

- "I never had this sort of trouble with my son". John ellis u BITCH, your son was never thrust 50 years into the future, alone, where everyone he’s ever known or loved has been long dead!!!! shut the hell your mouth

- Owen Confirmped To Wear Makeup

- OWEN’S ROCKHARD NIPPOS DETECTED!!!!!!! TITTY BOOBIE. FUCK extremely dangerous to dual wield Diamond Hard nippers in an apartment that seems to be 90% glass, to be sure

- and continuing of the theme of male nudity WELSH BEEF ALERT: RHYS SIGHTED IN THE NUDDY

- God, john’s story is so fucking brutal!!!!!! the only person he has left in the whole world has alzheimer’s and doesn’t know where the fuck he is, let alone remember him!!!

- “There’s no puzzle to solve, no enemy to fight. Just three lost people who’ve somehow become our responsibility.” - jack nailing Hard what makes this episode so fucking good honestly

- Somewom tell gwendoline...... that rhys is bad in bed bc he's a straightman. Thats the edge that owen has. Jot that down

- Having said that, his choice of date location....... a carpark? Baby,

- John’s story takes its final fatal brutal turn as he decides he has nothing left to live for..... fuckkkkk. Also harrowing is the implication that jack would also die if he could: “its just bearable... it has to be. i dont have a choice.”

- not to be salty but........ always its m/f couples with the “being Deeply Intensely In Love after knowing eachother several fucking days” nonsense. im a full gay and i dont care bitch!!

- why does owen have such a flash car? whats the story behind the soft top honda thing? You look at that man and tell me he does not look Every Inch the fucking owner of a subaru. a subaru with a massive fucking spoiler on it. TELL ME, HONESTLY, that that IS NOT 100% a fucking Owen Mobile For Real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- this must be the most ruthless break up owen’s ever had. “i love you but also bye bitch im off on a suicide mission into the sky” ?????? OK????? THATS NORMAL???

- OH NO baby boy!!!!! baby!!!!! the sad owen shot at the end is so good!!!

AND....... THAT WRAPS UP the Best ep so far! UP NEXT: Welcome to WEEVIL FIGHT CLUB BITCH

#grand torchwood rewatch 2018 #long post/

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agentdammers · 6 years

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Grand Torchwood Rewatch 1x08 + 09 FUCKT EDITION

DISCLAIMER: DRANK 6 CANS OF CIDER AND DECIDED TO WATCH SOME MORE TW. coherency levels? oh, you better believe its Even Less than usual!!! Transcribed from drunken twitter postings.

content warn: pisstaking, fun having, no one is safe, everyone is terrible

1x08 “they keep killing suzie”

- THIS EPISODE DICKS EXTREMELY HARD JUST 4 using the song “Red is the new black” by funeral for a friend!!! and i confess to having listened to the album its from on repeat lately Solely bc of this one song being on torchwood

- AH FUCK THE SLO MO TORHCWOOD WALK IN BROAD DAYLIGHT I HATE IT ALREADY

- “Torchwood” in period blood on the wall? Niche art babe !

- SOBRIETY EDIT: do not recall what owen did that prompted me to tweet “Owen ugly, come fuck this” but also: word

- SOBRIETY EDIT: drunk me - i just wanna talk,

- what is happening

- why does the resurrection gauntlet make ppl so incoherent.... i mean if you woke up on what you assumed to be a hospital bed, wouldnt u just immediately go “where am i what happened” i mean that would be My first thought, not all that garbled shit ppl seem to come out with. i dunno. do whatever bitch

- "When susie left torchwood she was on the run, she wiped all her records" aye but didnt she leave when she..... Died though? SOBRIETY EDIT: didnt understand this while drunk and still feelin like i’ve missed something a day later. im not watching 1x01 back again just to try and make sense of this

- WHY DO THEY STAB HER BACK TO LIFE JESUS CHRIST

- is this minor character called “Matt Trazillion”???? is it spelt that way??? why would you not... like. whats wrong with “smith”

- Is suzie wearing a snood to stop the back of her brains spilling out? Extremely funny if true

- Everyone fucks owen bitch, hes a walking STI get over it!!!!

- i love that cop who hates torchwood who is she. i dont remember if she ever appears again, guess we’ll find out! i’m also kin with every cop laughing at torchwood for being locked in their own base.

- first mention of the thing in the dark after you die??? ah! foreshadowing!

- "Thats the thing about gloves, sir... They come in pairs." OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

1x09 “random shoes”

- so this episode is supposed to be like, equivalent to doctor who’s “love & monsters” right. which is an episode that owns extremely hard, for the record, and ive never read the word “eczema” right in my head since

- Owen Sexy update: RETURN OF THE TIGER SHIRT *AND* THE EARRING? OH U SPOIL ME

- Eugene Shoe Fetish Confirmed

- V Niche but, does anywom remember the bbc3 sitcom that the welsh video shop man was in where sheridan smith & rob rouse played brother and sister? that was fun. then rob rouse left and it wasnt any more

- hate looking at that alien eye knowing it’s been up john barrowman’s bum

- VERY funny that “splott” is a recurring place of interest its like one of the best jokes of the whole thing

- SOBRIETY EDIT: was an Extremely brutal tweet here abt this episode being better bc it hardly had the torchwood team in it, which, while perhaps untrue, was DEEPLY funny. good to have a break from just.... U Know. their whole fucking Atmosphere though.

- is kissing everyone just like... gwendoline’s Thing. there she go again

- MUSIC AT THE END MADE ME SAD BC IT REMINDED ME OF ‘ONE DAY MORE’ FROM LES MIS!!!! ANYWAYS NEXT EP IS A GENUINELY SAD ONE SO LET ME HYPE UP AND TACKLE THAT BAD BOY

#grand torchwood rewatch 2018

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