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#and im talking her through it from the perspective of like
theygender · 4 months
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Does anyone have any good book recommendations that talk about transmisogyny in a way that would be entry level to like. A 50 year old cis lesbian
#especially ones that talk about the ways that our society primes even trans allies to view trans women in a negative light#my mom is trying but i think she could use some help understanding in a way that i dont think i could just talk her through#she seems to think my gf is more like standoffish than she actually is and she thinks my gf is being rude when shes emotional about smth#and im talking her through it from the perspective of like#'as a human being and as someone who is all too familiar with homophobia please understand what this is like from her perspective'#but i feel like. theres some unconscious transmisogyny going on here and i really wish my mom could understand that#but i dont think shes ever even heard of transmisogyny before. she has no context#i cant try and talk her through it from that perspective bc she would need a lot of background to understand what im saying#and i dont think trying to explain transmisogyny theory in the middle of an argument would be helpful#if i could recommend her a good book under the context that it would help her understand me and my gf as trans people#and if she read through it and took the time to understand it which i do believe she would#i feel like it might help her to kind of analyze if the thoughts shes having are influenced by transmisogyny and start unpacking that#and also importantly i feel like she could look at what my gf is going through not just from the human and lgbt perspective im asking her to#but also from her perspective As A Woman#bc i feel like theres a missing piece there right now. my mom supports us and respects my gfs gender#but i dont think shes looking at these situations in context As A Fellow Woman#idk#rambling
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barkingangelbaby · 3 months
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I feel like such a broken fucking person lol
I talked way too much in the tags don't read them
#fighting off the ideation like my life depends on it!! bc it does!!!#been good about not thinking certain phrases but F U C K am i feeling it. i want to turn into a pile of dust#i am so desperately trying to work on myself and change my patterns and bad habits and perspective but it feels like i always fall short#i try not to talk about it online but I'm just. having a very hard day with N because we experience our feelings in different ways#i isolate myself bc i struggle with regulating my reactions and tones when im having an episode but she needs me to talk through things and#i sometimes just. can't. bc I'm not done experiencing the negativity and am not in a place to have a productive convo bc shame spirals etc#we just spent a long time talking and being patient and i thought i was understanding and explaining myself well but i just. idk.#i don't know how to explain that of course i love her even if I'm isolating myself. of course i love her although I'm nonverbal today. i jus#t can't *make* myself talk when I'm like this i don't want to be nonverbal i don't want to isolate i don't want to be a distant partner i do#n't want to fall back into these patterns related to my grief i want to be better i am trying to be better i am working so fucking hard on#being better. i just feel so defeated bc this all spiraled from me not wanting to decide what to get for lunch n using a poor tone about it#I'm about to talk with her some more but I just. kinda don't want to exist right now. fuck dude. it feels so fucking awful when i upset her#like i love her so much she is so important to me and it breaks my heart that our entire day is shot bc i was tired and cranky#i just don't understand how that equates to me not loving her bc she is my whole world dude. I'm going to throw up#i also don't know how to explain to her that scrolling on tumblr is comfortable to me I'm not ignoring her it's just the SM that i scroll on#like we're hanging out watching tv together I'm gonna scroll a little bit. it's just not insta or anything#idk my mind is scrambled I'm crying I just want to be a better person who can calmly communicate my thoughts and emotions#today has just beat my fucking ass dude. i isolate so those feelings don't get translated into my interactions with others#i don't even know what i typed in these tags I just don't want to off myself or think about it I'm fighting myself so much 2day#rAMbles
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mejomonster · 4 months
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I started reading Billy Bat manga by Urasawa Naoki (u may know him as the guy who did Monster) and jesus christ its wild. Absolute experience. Judas and Jesus are in it, so are ninjas, so is lee harvey oswald (technically at least 3), theres a bat thats satire about how evil mickey mouse and disney are, there's lying cartoons galore, there's the civil rights movement, the oppressivr terror of the ku klux klan and the structural damage of segregation and fucked up laws, and the pervasiveness of advertising and the coca cola company ("golden cola") there's real events sprinkled with gratuitious fictional shit about manipulative God Billy Bat (or perhaps "administrator/guide to the human race"), a scroll that could control the world, Fake walt disney has hired killers, the looming brutality of imperialism and corporations buying out poorer areas, killing in other countries and breaking laws and whatever else is needed to acquire what they want, there's a cartoon dog kennedy assasination, a baby kevin inherits the powers of an older kevin, there's ninjas and priests, there's a small town out west full of cowboy larpers who are this comic artists biggest fan club, a secret agent Smith with a heart of gold (one hopes), a teenager named jackie whos seeing visions, there's a good and evil fake "mickey mouse" bat but frankly theyre probqbly both evil cause either way they lie and manipulate to get people to do what they want, judas cameos not only in his jesus arc but as a little kiddo, and like. Im not even halfway done. Einstein JUST showed up.
#rant#billy bat#its. an experience ill say that. its wild and im kind of floored it got published#it makes a lot of good points but its also ultimately a long winding Batshit Wild Bat Cartoon-as-God MYSTERY thriller#so its like. oh you learn about the pains of cowardice. the cruelties of corporations.#the way society doesnt value a whores life as you cry for her because she was wondetful. the way being just is hard#its hard to be brave and dangerous but it uas to be done. the vile dangers of advertizing and capitalism and profit over human life.#but then also. theres a fucking bat talking to a girl in her college class lol#its an interesting perspective in a way also cause like...#1 a lot of comic artists just full on would not touch these elements in their plots at all. and while ive seen these topics in stories#before. tjis is the most Pointed Disney/governments/corporations critique ive seen in comics. since like. its literally fake disney#ajd real ass historical figures and govts getting critiqued.#then 2 in japanese manga i havent seen foreign events covered much. and its interesting to see the perspective of#world events and america from this author. and his choice to make the protagonists who he did: a japanese american whos born american#and was in the allies as a translator. part of the US occupation when he initially visits japan.#the japanese mangaka whos older than ww2. the white upper class (truly upper class) coca cola#dynasty equivalent inheritor. a lower class black woman factory worker from florida whos outspoken and a leader and#braver than her husband. their kiddo kevin whos the most important person in the world worth saving. jackie the japanese american teen girl#eho grew up Loving fake disney and is in college. her dad the taxi driver who through other people#eventhally got the courage to go reunite with his wife and daughter jackie who left him.#(oh also a european priest and JUDAS and a ninja)#its just like. the author worked hard to put what feels like a japanese and american perspective and the Many ways those overlap and Dont#into this. as well as a variety of upper class and lower class characters. the rich fake walt disney and the poor bat town mayor and elder#who get killed for standing in the way of a corporations dreams.#jackie kennedy and the sweet girl who saved cartoonist Kevin and worked the street.#the rich dynasty inheritor of golden cola and his working class wife. how it all falls away in the deep soutj with pther lines#society draws. the poor student jackie versus the other protagonists witj a job#how kevin yamagata has not much connection to japan except a fondness for his parents. while jackie is even more#culturally removed (having never even visited japan) but her family still has their heritage of stories and places they miss and#want to visit and traditions her dad still regulalry discusses.
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perenlop · 1 year
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also in theory i do like mothpool kittens au but like. with a lot and a lot of tweaks bc the way ppl usually do it is kinda odd (making mothwing like “huge and protectice” over small cis leafpool, feeling like theyre only making moth transfem so she can be the kits bio parent, etc)
like on one hand, gay trans ppl having bio kids with gay cis people happens irl and i dont really think its transphobic in of itself to have it happen in writing (hell that happens in starfall so i cant exactly get on a high horse here) but its gotta be treated with some amount of care yknow… its a sensitive subject w a lot of trans people yknow? idk again im not saying its bad to do but i think people should at least think about it beyond “aw my gay ship can have kids”
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dallonwrites · 1 year
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god i miss life cycle of massive stars so much
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going absolutely bonkers insane right now
#just read through a couple of alternative yulia dialogues#(from the first day)#and i was genuinely surprised to see how complex was her answer to such supersticious tales and traditions inherent from the town#from an outside perspective she is seen as skeptical beyond repair of the townsfolk cultural deeds. as told by alexander himself#but in reality. when talking about the steppe and twyre. she does come to admit to believing in the existence of the clay golem#and even going as further as to say she theorizes of the works that such charms as bull tails and ''milk-teeth'' are indeed protective#(though making an exclusive marking that such are only effective to those who have ingrained beliefs like children and the Steppe)#(thus failing to execute properly or at all at their primary objetives as charms on skeptical people as herself and daniil)#that was such a hit on the stomach because#i thought that. albeit rather neutral to matters like this as in the second game. she was still to take the side of belief on raw input#but it is clearly stated that she would anger daniil by claiming to partake on the acknowledgement of a shabnak's existence#that is such a game changer to what ive been developing over her dynamic with katerina and does that open some doors /lh#im so happy with this information i got#even though id still be more than excited about delving into the concepts of having someone like daniil within the town#that is such an interesting and valuable piece of information#just rambling#theres brain matter all over the floor now thank you very much
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making art truly is just hating making art but hating not making art more.
catch me spending the past hour saying "i hate this pen. why did i choose to use this pen?" every other minute whilst also forcing myself to acknowledge that ive chosen a pen that will look really cool but oh my god i hate the pen
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exopelagic · 5 months
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I love my degree I love my department I love my uni
#killing and biting and screaming#if I have to do one more thing ever again I’m gonna lose it I can’t wait for may I can’t wait for may#I had a very nice chat with a phd student today who confirmed everything I’ve been thinking from a different perspective#and let me tell you. vindication is nice.#I’m so close to things being bearable but to get there I have to make it through The Horrors. there are so many horrors#okay the one thing has happened someone’s asking me to read an email that’s it I’m done forever#I will keep going even though I’m gonna have to claw my way through. bc unfortunately I have responsibilities#such as ‘run this dumb club’ and ‘give this dumb presentation’ and ‘email these dumb supervisors’#and my friend is being so fucking annoying abt how we like the same supervisors and is complaining abt me going for similar people#oh people are fucking upstairs that’s fun love to hear it#anyway I’m literally sending her people to talk to and she’s complaining that I like the sound of this person she brings up.#sorry dude im not applying to shit I don’t like to save your ego#anyway I can’t wait to get out of this city maybe I’ll move somewhere else when I graduate and spend the year there#phd student earlier was suggesting places to go to get research assistant jobs#oh my god she was also talking abt how biology is so nepotistic it’s all abt the people you know#and then I go talk to the friend again whose dad has a fancy research job and she’s LITERALLY CITING HIM IN HER PRESENTATION#HE OFFERED TO GET HER A JOB AT DEFRA. HES GIVEN HER THE IDEAS FOR HER LAST TWO PROJECTS.#PEOPLE KEEP THINKING ITS CUTE AND COOL AND SHIT THAT SHES GETTING STUFF FROM HER DAD AND I WANT TO SCREAM#LAST YEAR SOMEONE TOLD HER SHE SHOULD PUBLISH THIS ANALYSIS SHE DID OF DATA SHE GOT FROM HER DAD. BC NOBODY ELSE HAS DONE ANYTHING WITH IT.#I’m gonna have to live with her next year#murder. murder#why did saving as draft give everything double tags will that show up when I post#weird.#I am being soooooo normal abt everything I can function so good sleep deprived#okay it’s fine. I’m gonna. finish eating. wash up. call home. write presentation. read this guy’s thing so I can email him. hockey?#very ambitious but if I get some things done that’s fine#luke.txt
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fabled-fiction · 11 months
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Hiiii!! Can I request a hobie brown x fem reader where the hobie swings by the readers room and just cuddles with her because he’s tired from patrol and the reader loves it because he only has a soft spot for her! And it’s just very fluffy!
Open Window (Hobie Brown x Reader)
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Summary: Hobie didn't realize how strung out he was until a certain someone crosses his mind.
Word Count: 1.2k
Warnings: MINOR SPIDERMAN ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE SPOILERS
A/N: I tried writing in a fem reader and then realized as I was writing I neglected that. I tried going back it but it felt forced, I hope this still suffices!
It felt like he never slept.
When could he afford too? It seemed like every step forward he took in taking down Osborn and his regime, they took three. Every running start he had they moved the finish line.
It was exhausting to be honest.
And now on top of his own problems on his earth, this stupid watch wouldn’t stop beeping with anomalies that needed taking down and tethering back to their Earths.
Hobie could feel the bags forming under his already painted ones.
His head had been reeling recently. Jumping back to his Earth after coming from the Spider Society was never easy no matter how much radioactivity was coursing through his hardened veins. He had a theory that despite having the wristband that helped him jump back and forth, he needed one for his head. The shift in perspective, and what could be perceived as art styles of the different Earths were making his vision hazy. 
Perching himself onto the top of a billboard, Hobie hit the side of his head with the edge of palm. Maybe if he hit his head hard enough or in the right spot he could knock the buzzing in his brain out long enough for him to make sense of where he was. 
On occasion it almost felt like he was back in that stupid spider tower, or another unfamiliar Earth.
Shaking his head, he took a glance about the neon lit streets of his Earth.
Wait, he recognized this street…no wait. No yea he recognized where this street lead to. 
Pulling the edge of his suit wristband back, he pulled up the time on his watch.
4:32:02am
Hobie knew exactly what he needed to rejuvenate, to put the rock back in his roll. 
Standing from his perch, he felt his bones begin to ache as they realized where they were about to be. Pulling his mask back over his head, he was about to flip when his watch started to buzz.
The holographic face of Gwen popped up.
“Hey! Hobie, Im glad I caught you. You got a seco-”
“Sorry Gwendy, can’t talk right now.”
“Wait! I n-”
He couldn't swing fast enough.
There was a warm purple light coming from your window, leaking through your curtains like a holy light.
He’d have to lecture you about leaving your window unlocked for anyone to crawl into later, it didn't matter that you were on the 14th story of your building. But as of right now, as he peeled your window open he saw it as a blessing as he tumbled head first into your room.
Hobie hadn’t realized how long it had been since he had seen you.His spider work had always been number one, taking down the rising regime of fascism in his city. Even the Spider society jobs have seen more of him than his own bed. It almost felt like he was more Spiderman than Hobie Brown, his heroism taking priority over everything else.
Well, almost everything else.
But now as he stumbled about, throwing his sneakers and guitar in the corner of your room the only thing on his mind was you. More specifically crawling into your bed that seemed to always be WAY more comfortable than his.
He hadn’t realized how much he missed you.
Hobie was so preoccupied with getting out of his Spidersuit that was growing increasingly more annoying by the second, he hadn’t even realized you were now leaning against your doorframe.
Sometimes you thought he played up these so called spider senses. There was no way he let you sneak up on him as many times as you have.
“Where..I know you ‘ave it somewhere in ‘ere.” He mumbled to himself, digging through your drawers with little regard to your neatly folded clothes there were already in there. 
Placing your cup of water on your nightstand, you perched on the edge of your bed and watched as your once clean-ish room transformed to match the thought process of the sleep deprived Spider in front of you.
You knew what he was looking for, Hobie had a tendency to leave shirts in your room whenever he stayed over. He said it was for convenience, it made it easier to switch from Spiderman to Hobie Brown. You couldn’t count the amount of times on your fingers when you had done laundry and realized nothing in the basket was yours. He almost had a full drawer in your dresser.
“Try the very bottom drawer.” You yawn, a few joints popping as you stretched out whatever you could stretch out.
Hobie turned his head to look at you for only a moment, and you hadnt even realized that he had discarded his mask somewhere into the clothed chaos that was hurricane Hobie.
Falling back onto your bed, you let out another big yawn as you made yourself situated. You could hear Hobie shuffling about your room, making himself more than at home as he slammed the window shut. A very loud click of your window lock followed by a thunk of a thwip made you chuckle.
“You seriously need to considah lockin’ your window. Could’a been an unsightly fella.” He muttered as he reached to fully close your curtains.
“Well I know who to call if I see one of these so called unsightly fellas.”
There was a grumble that came closer to your bed, and what you swore you was the gulping down of YOUR glass of water followed by the creak of your mattress.
It was like a second nature to the both of you even though you hadn’t physically seen eachother in what felt like months (in reality it was only a week but you too were too clingy to admit to each other it had felt longer). Molding into one another was easy for you too.
Hobie’s arm easily found its way over your waist, pulling you as close to him as he physically could. The minute he had his head resting on your chest he swore he could feel the color coming back to him. Feeling your hand run over his wicks, and eventually come to rest on the nape of his neck made him break into a hazy smile.
But then his stupid watch started buzzing. Didn’t he take it off?
He tried ignoring it for a moment, hoping whoever was calling him would get the message.
When you had started to pull away was when he had enough. 
Ripping the watch off his wrist, he threw it across the room and webbed it to a random wall. Before you could even protest that he had yet again left webbing that would take months to come off, he wrapped his arms around you and flipped around so that you were laying ontop of him. His arms basically locked around you, and solidified that you two would not be moving for the rest of the night.
He needed this, and he could tell based off the way that you melted into him that you needed this as well.
“Hobie shouldn’t you have answered that?”
He could deal with the consequences later, right now he was exactly where he needed to be.
“Nah.”
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comradekatara · 1 month
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Your atla analysis is the best so I wanted to ask your opinion on something I've found the fandom fairly divided on - what did you think of Azula's ending within the show proper? Unnecessarily cruel or a necessary tragedy? Would you say that her mental breakdown was too conveniently brought about in order to 'nerf' her for the final agni kai? Also, do you think it was 'right' for Zuko to have fought with his sister at all or would it have been better for him to seek a more humane way to end the cycle of violence?
okay so im saying this as someone who loves azula to death like she has always been one of my absolute favorite characters ever since i was a kid and i’ve always vastly preferred her to zuko and found her to be extremely compelling and eminently sympathetic. i am saying this now before the azula stans come for me. i believe in their beliefs. but i also think her downfall is perfectly executed, and putting aside all the bullshit with the comics and whatever else, it’s a really powerful conclusion to her arc. obviously that isn’t to say that she wouldn’t continue to grow and develop in a postcanon scenario (i have a whole recovery arc for her mapped out in my head, like i do believe in her Healing Journey) but from a narrative perspective, her telos is in fact very thematically satisfying.
no, she wasn’t nerfed so that they could beat her in a fight. the fact that she falls apart is what makes them feel that they can confidently take her on (although i do think in a fair fight katara could win anyway), but the whole point is that it’s not about winning or losing in combat. the whole point is that zuko and azula being pitted against each other in this gratuitous ritual of violence as the culmination of their arcs is fundamentally tragic. yes it’s a bad decision to fight her, and zuko should have chosen another path, but the whole point is that he’s flawed and can only subscribe to the logic he has spent his whole life internalizing through violence and abuse.
that’s why aang’s fight against ozai, while tragic in its own way, is also a triumph for the way in which his ideals prevail in the face of genocide, while zuko and azula’s fight is very patently tragic. there is no moment of victory or triumph. even as zuko sacrifices himself in a beautiful mirroring of “the crossroads of destiny” and as katara uses the element of her people combined with techniques across other cultures to use azula’s hubris and ideology of domination against her, it’s presented as moments of personal growth occurring within a very tragic yet inevitable situation. it was inevitable because azula had always been positioned as an extension of her father, and thus to disempower ozai also means disempowering azula, his favorite site of projection, his favorite weapon.
yeah, it does rub me the wrong way when zuko asks katara whether she’d like to help him “put azula in her place.” it’s not a kind way to talk about your abused younger sister. but it’s also important to understand that zuko doesn’t really recognize his sister’s pain, despite the fact that they obviously share a father, because he’s always assumed that she was untouchable as their perfect golden child and thus never a victim. and he’s wrong. zuko and katara expect a battle of triumph and glory, noble heroes fighting valiantly so that good may prevail over evil. but as they discover here, even more so than their previous discovery two episodes prior, a battle is not a legendary event filled with bombast and beauty until after it has been historicized. often a war is simply fought between pathetic, desperate people who see no other option but to fight.
aang’s ultimate refusal to fight despite having all the power in the world is what makes him so important as the protagonist. but katara and zuko both share a more simplistic view of morality and what it means to be good. and zuko assumes that by fighting azula, he can only be punching up, because she has always been positioned as his superior, and she (in her own words!) is a “monster.” and then azula loses, and his entire worldview shatters. joking about putting her in her place makes way for the realization that behind all her posturing and lying (to herself more than anyone) and performance and cognitive dissonance, azula has always been broken, perhaps even more than he is.
azula says “im sorry it has to end this way, brother,” to which zuko replies “no you’re not.” but i think azula is truly sorry, because in her ideal world, she wouldn’t be fighting zuko. she doesn’t actually want to kill him, as much as she claims to. she’s already reached the conclusion that zuko will only truly reach once their fight is over. she lacks a support system, and she needs one, desperately. if she could somehow get her family back, do everything differently, less afraid of the consequences, she would. she’s smirking, she sounds almost facetious, but really, she is sorry. as of this moment, she really doesn’t want it to end this way. but zuko cannot accept that, because in his mind, azula is evil. azula has no soul nor feeling. azula always lies.
her breakdown doesn’t come out of nowhere, either. it’s precipitated by everyone she has ever cared about betraying her. first zuko betrays her, then mai, then ty lee, and then ozai — the person she has staked her entire identity to and to whom she has pledged her undying loyalty and obedience, become nothing more than a vessel for his whims — discards her because she had the audacity to care about someone other than him. what i don’t think zuko realizes, and perhaps will never realize, is that azula betrayed ozai by bringing zuko back home. he was not supposed to be brought back with honor and with glory. azula specifically orchestrated the fight in the catacombs to motivate him to join her, and it’s not because she’s some cruel sadistic monster who wanted to separate a poor innocent soft uwu bean from his loving uncle, it’s because she genuinely believes that she’s doing what’s best for him. she believes that their uncle is a traitor and a bad influence, and she believes that bringing zuko home with his honor “restored” is an act of love. to her it is.
yes, she claims that she was actually just manipulating him so that she wouldn’t have to take the fall if the avatar was actually alive, but also, she’s clearly just covering her own ass. she didn’t know about the spirit water, and only started improvising when zuko started showing hesitation. but even if she was only using zuko, then that was an insane risk to take, because either way she was lying directly to ozai’s face. and zuko admits it to ozai while simultaneously committing treason, so of course ozai would blame azula, his perfect golden child who tried to violate his decree by bringing zuko back home a prisoner at best and dead at worst, and instead found a way to restore his princehood with glory.
we only see ozai dismissing and discarding azula in the finale, but it’s clearly a tension that’s been bubbling since the day of black sun. and we know this because we do see azula falling apart before the finale. in “the boiling rock” she is betrayed by her only friends. in “the southern raiders” we see that this has taken a toll on her, that she is already somewhat unhinged. she and zuko tie in a one on one fight for the first time. and she takes down her hair as she uses her hairpin to secure herself against the edge of a cliff. unlike zuko, who is helped by his friends and allies, who has a support system. it’s a very precarious position; she’s literally on a cliff’s edge, alone, her hair down signifying her unraveling mental state. azula having her hair down signals to us an audience that she is in a position of vulnerability. she is able to mask this terrifying moment wherein she nearly plummets to her death with a triumphant smirk, but it should be evident to us all that her security is fragile here.
and the thing is, even though she’s always masked it with a smirk and perfect poise, her security has always been fragile. azula has never been safe. azula’s breakdown is simply the culmination of her realization that no matter how hard she tries, she will never be ozai’s perfect weapon, because she is a human being. she is a child, no less. and there is no one in her entire life who loves her for nothing. zuko has iroh, who affirms to him that he could never be angry with zuko, that all he wants is simply what is best for zuko. but azula doesn’t have unconditional support in her life. she doesn’t even have support.
everyone she ever thought she could trust has betrayed her, and so she yells that trust is for fools. because she feels like a fool. of course fear is the only way; it’s what kept her in line all these years. azula is someone who is ruled by fear, and who is broken by the recognition that fear isn’t enough. her downfall is necessarily tragic because her worldview is wrong. the imperialist logic of terror as a tool for domination is her own undoing, just as ozai’s undoing is losing the weapon he has staked his national identity to. it’s a battle of ideals. aang v ozai: pacifism v imperialism. katara and zuko v azula: love and support v fear and isolation.
zuko is unfair to azula, it’s true. he tries to fight her even as he can clearly recognize that “she’s slipping.” instead of trying to help his little sister, he uses that weakness to his advantage, tries to exploit her pain so that he can finally, for the first time ever, beat her in a fight. it’s cruel, but it’s also how siblings act. especially considering the conditions under which they were raised, and how zuko has always viewed her. and in zuko’s defense, she has tried to kill him multiple times lately, both in “the boiling rock” and in “the southern raiders.” zuko is someone who gets fixated on a goal and blocks out everything else, including recognition of his surroundings or empathy for others. so of course when he’s promised to put azula in her place he’s going to exploit her weaknesses to do so. after all, isn’t exploiting his weaknesses exactly what azula does best? so he allows himself to stoop to her level, and in fact only redeems himself through his sacrifice for katara. but it is when azula is chained to the grate and zuko and katara, leaning on each other, look down and observe the sheer extent on her pain, that zuko realizes that “putting azula in her place” isn’t actually a victory. it feels really, really bad, actually.
they’re in a similar position as they were when they faced yon rha. and now it is zuko’s turn to understand that he is not a storybook hero triumphing over evil, but rather a human being, facing another human being, in a conflict that is larger than themselves. to “put someone in their place” is to imply a logic of domination, of inherent superiority, that someone has stepped out of line and must be reordered neatly into the hierarchy. but aang disputes the notion, ozai’s notion, that humanity can be classified along these lines, that there exists an ontological superiority among some and not others. so operation: putting azula in her place was always going to be flawed, even if she was performing competency the way she always does, because they’re nonetheless subscribing to her logic.
of course they should be helping azula, of course they should be reaching out to abuse victims through support instead of more violence. but first they must recognize her victimhood. first they must come to understand that they didn’t get lucky, and they didn’t dominate her because they are more “powerful,” that they weren’t “putting her in her place.” they must understand that they are not heroes fighting villains in a glorious trial by combat. that the logic of the agni kai is flawed. that they are all victims. that they are all just scared, hurt children who are still grieving their mothers.
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spdrvyn · 11 months
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TSUNDERE MIGUEL O'HARA THAT IS DENYING HIS FEELINGS FOR READER WHILE HE ACTIVELY THINKS ABOUT THEM 24/7 AND KNOWS ALL THEIR CUTE LITTLE QUIRKS (READER CAN BE SPIDERMAN OR NORMAL PERSON YOUR CHOICE) PLEASE I NEED TRUNDERE MIGUEL SO MUCH IM DYING IM STARVING *sob sob cry sob*
love, your best friend Dre <3
i won't say i'm in love — MIGUEL O'HARA
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(( uhhh .... i have no clue who this motherfucker is! jk lol hi tommy [ you slut ] here is your severely in denial miguel fic, spoiler free. ))
"Lyla, arrange this mess."
Miguel waved his hand at the AI, eyes focused on the glowing screen in front of him. He always had the habit of keeping a messy desktop, though it wasn't a big problem for him considering his trusty artificial intelligence assistant.
To which the trusty artificial intelligence would poke and tease Miguel in response. At times, he really wondered if Lyla was secretly being controlled by a human. A pesky, occasionally annoying, childish human that constantly pushed his buttons.
"What's the magic word, Miguel?"
He groaned bringing his index finger and thumb to the bridge of his nose, massaging the stress lines that have formed from constantly being teased and played with.
"...Please."
Lyla lets out an electric hum, her avatar glitching into a thinking pose. She stares at Miguel with a confused look through her heart-shaped sunglasses. "Sorry. The signal in here is so bad. What was that?"
"I said, please, Lyla. Get to work."
"Oh, don't worry. I heard you the first time."
The man lets out a defeated sigh, he's given up on trying to defend himself against Lyla. Even when he's old and withered, this charade will continue like a never-ending circus show.
Multiple screens pop up in front of the AI, to which Miguel bashfully averts his gaze. He's normally organized enough, in the workplace but he's also very busy. Little things like putting files in the folders they belong simply evades his mind sometimes.
However, one file in particular stood out in front of him from the corner of his eye. It was a drive, among all the others that are colored in the regular shade of blue and labeled accordingly, this one was highlighted in pink with a little heart symbol at the end.
"Lyla, what's that?"
Her avatar glitches again into her in a sitting position, a little teacup in her hands as she takes a fake sip. "Hmm? I don't know, I don't see anything. Which one are you talking about?"
"Ay dios mío... The one in pink, Lyla. What is it?"
"Ohhh..." An obviously fake display of surprise makes itself present on Lyla's face, she opens the file. "This is a drive of all of the times you talked about that recruit. Lovingly, might I add."
Miguel's eyes darted around the screen, folding his arms over his chest. There were many, many videos of him. The scroll bar just kept going like there was no end.
Hesitantly, he pointed to one among the sea of videos and Lyla opened it. The playback goes as follows, the 'recording' is from her perspective, it seems.
Miguel is hunched over his desk, mumbling nonsense to himself until it becomes more coherent as Lyla approaches him.
"Whatcha' got there?"
The camera shifts and zooms over to Miguel's hand, to where he's holding a small tupperware. Filled to the brim with baked goodies, a small sticky note is pasted to the top of it however the writing is too tiny to make anything of it.
'They got me a gift.'
'That's the third one this week.'
His chest heaves as he lets out a deep sigh.
'...I know.'
A small moment of silence before Miguel continues speaking.
'Esto es tan tonto. I don't why they keep bringing me these... these things! I don't know why they keep smiling brighter than sun when they give them to me!'
Miguel frustratingly opens the tupperware, brings one of the pastries close to his mouth and takes a big bite. A small groan escapes his throat.
'I don't know what they're putting in these things to make them so delicious! Giving them to me, of all people. Stupid, stupid, stupid. So smart they are. Agile, strong, and capable and— and kind...'
Another bite.
'You know that you've gotten them gifts before, right?'
'But they all look idiotic next to this. Made with their precious time and care. Putting in the effort to make sure that they actually taste good and they do,'
Miguel closes the tupperware with a loud snap.
'¿A quién estoy engañando? They're amazing.'
"Miguel?"
That wasn't part of the recording. Miguel swipes at the screen and it fades out of existence, little pixels hovering in his sight before it completely disintegrates. Lyla disappears too as you swing onto the platform of his office.
He tenses up once he sees you, leaning a hand against his desk. God, he definitely did not want to look at you after what he just watched. He especially did not want to look at you because of the blush that stained his cheeks. Thankfully, mostly hidden by the darkness of his chambers.
Of course, you greeted him with the same warm smile.
"Haven't seen you all day today. Are you doing alright?"
"Fine. Doing fine. Just cleaning, why are you here?" Says Miguel, he despised how his heart pounded in his chest so loudly right now. Whenever he was around you.
Being so composed was what he was known for, what he was respected for. Yet, everytime you even look in the same direction as him, his exterior just melts.
"I just wanted to check in on you, was all. I noticed you haven't come out in a while, I brought you an empanada from the cafeteria just in case you were hungry."
You toss the small container to him and he catches it in one hand, he could hardly comprehend what was going on right now. Staring mindlessly at the box. "Thank you."
"Of course. Take care of yourself for me, I'll... head out now."
He watches over the edge as you fall off the platform, landing onto ledge that separates his desk from the rest of the room.
"Can you start ranting now? I want to get this drive up to 600 videos."
Miguel grumbles, opening the box and biting into the delectable snack before going back to organizing his desktop.
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hyunsvngs · 5 months
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Okay wait hear me out okay.... fem!skz except chan. P P P PUSSYFEST??? bonus if theyre ur best friends and channie is ur bf... IM GONE B
lemi i have another concept.
WHAT IF chan's best friends with them all and channie is your bf. you're a little insecure because like.. what type of guy has seven female best friends right? until he tells you no, baby, they all prefer girls, and suddenly your perspective shifts. you end up getting closer to them than you intended to, and when chan proposes the idea of you having a little fun with all of them you honestly feel like you could cum without taking your panties off.
and you do, feeling cute innie's pussy grinding into yours through both of your panties. her panties are cute, pink satin, drenched with her slick and almost falling off of her hipbones with the fervence she's grinding at. you can see the beginning of the smattering of her pubic hair through your hazy eyes. you thought she'd be the innocent one, but god, she might be the worst, with that blissed out grin on her lips and her long, dark hair swept over one shoulder to expose her cute, perky tits. it's not long before you're cumming, soaking the fabric with a loud keen while she fucking talks you through it - "that's it, baby. cum all over my panties, that's it, all messy. messy girl."
when she's done with you, seungmin is a force to be reckoned with. you could've guessed that, really. your boyfriend chuckles in anticipation once seungie gets you in bed, forcing your legs to spread open and - oh. she's got this massive strap on beneath her black pleated skirt, bright pink and glaringly obviously going to be inside you very soon, and you can't wait. it's obvious you can't wait, and seungmin can't help herself, quipping "my dick must be bigger than yours, old man," and making chan groan in (faux) distain when she slides the whole thing inside of you. seungmin's hips are wild, but practiced, and she covers your mouth to silence your wails and even slaps you about a little. it drives you insane.
lixie is a little sweeter with you. she lets you finally take your time with one of the girls, letting you slide the straps of her white lace bralette off of her narrow shoulders and trace your lips down the freckles dotted across her chest. her tits are small, perky, and she coos cutely when you wrap your lips around a dusky nipple. she asks you if you'd like to try and eat her pussy, and of course you do. chan's more vocal when you're with lixie, instructing you on how to kiss her - you know she's one of the ones he's closest with, the australia connection bounding them close beyond means. when you get your head between her legs you find out she cums quicker than you did with jeongin, and it makes you feel a little better.
chan finally gets on the bed when you start making out with jisung. you sense they might have a connection, too, and it makes your pussy even wetter. she's messy when she kisses, spit and teeth and whining and wailing into your mouth. her jeans are baggy on her tiny waist and you can't help yourself from sliding your hands down them, tracing your fingers over her already soaking pussy, over her wiry pubic hair and making her keen. her hair is short, bobbed and wavy around her cute round cheeks and you feel a way you've never felt before - you want to ruin her. from the way minho is looking at you both, she wants to ruin her too.
chan has you with your back to his chest for hyunjin. it turns out hyunjin likes to take her time too, and you let her open you up with her fingers before she even gets her mouth on your clit. her hair is short and choppy, like lixie's, except dyed black and ever so soft between your fingers. hyunjin instructs chan to touch your nipples while she eats you out - it's the first time one of them has gotten chan involved, and it makes you hurtle towards your orgasm a lot quicker than you intended. her long legs splay out behind her as she buries her face in your folds, feet kicking in her cute frilly socks, moaning and groaning like you're the best thing she's ever tasted.
for changbin, you're just so fucking happy to be there. her tits are huge, nipples dark chocolate and puffy and she lets you suck on them, pulls you into a strong headlock with her bicep and moans nice and pretty for you when you swirl your tongue around her nipple like she's a damn lollipop. she wants to finger you open, wants you to finger her open, but she can't decide what she wants first - you end up splayed on top of her, her thick thighs parted and your head nuzzled into her dark, puffy folds. you sense she might be one that you want to come back to again and again, and you'll never get the image of her kissing chan to share the taste of your pussy with him out of your mind.
jisung's desperate again by the time it comes around to minho's turn. minho is fucking mean, you realise, and you're glad you left her until last. she seems to know exactly what toys to work you up with - a vibrator on your clit, a glass dildo in your pussy, a plug in your ass and all before she's even let you cum once. you fall apart on her strap, eventually, with jisung licking over your clit and making you squirt all over minho's thick thighs. she's a beauty, too - large tits settled on a toned chest, a light pink faded scar on her stomach that you'd love to ask about.
you quickly realise when you're fucking chan after and they're all watching that yeah, you want this to happen again. badly, actually.
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Hey since your requests are open, could you maybe draw Hal? Doing anything, I don't really care what (only if you want)
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day 96
YES i actually got 2 thinking about hal today thanks to this post (and my tags even passed peer review yippee thank u) ANYWAY. in addition to all of that. I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT he and aradia would be friends.
ok i wrote all this out and it got long and kinda rambly bc im tired so im putting it under a cut lmao HALRADIA FRIENDSHIP RANT IN THE READMORE
i think there would be.... maybe a little tension given that aradia eventually ended up in Her Own Flesh And Blood Body and hal would presumably not have that option?
but overall i think after the way her friends treated her as a robot, and the experience of going from experiencing life as a living breathing organic person to a bodiless entity to HAVING a body but that body not being the same as the one you remember.... idk! it's like EXTREMELY EXTREMELY SPECIFIC AND MORE THAN A LITTLE TRAUMATIC and they could share it with each other!! how fucking lovely is that.
not to mention they both kind of have a history with equius?? (assuming this is post arquiusprite in some way. i certainly have an extremely self-indulgent "everyone lives" au for this scenario where they're able to safely separate into their pre-sprite components and then hal and aradia become buds.)
REGARDLESS i think it would be interesting for hal (who has ostensibly nothing but positive shit to say about his connection to equius) and aradia (who has some truly fucked things to say about her experiences with equius) to Talk Through All That.
not 2 mention the parallels that can be drawn between dirk/hal's perception of their relationship with jake being this kind of... Manipulative Pining Weirdness, and aradia being on the other side of somebody else's Manipulative Pining Weirdness and sharing that perspective without even knowing about all of that dirkjake backstory OUGH im tellin u it is all a very complex and wonderful scenario to consider and like, im not even much of an alpha kid aficionado tbh. hal experts chime in on the comments i know youre out there and i wanna hear your takes.
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disneyprincemuke · 4 months
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where the fun begins, 2 * ls2 (ms47)
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it’s friday: logan throws the party he’s claims he’s having just for you to come around, not even knowing if you’ll be attending
pairings: frat!logan x reader, college!mick x reader
notes: um im on my phone in school i dont have a word count and neither did i plan on making this this long… sry guys uwu hope u like it (i’m desperately running out of logan gifs pls help me)
biggest thanks to @angsthology for helping me out with the white man fight and smug logan because i couldnt, for the life of me, figure that scene out so thank yew baby :*
(f1 masterlist)
| one | two | three | four |
friday rolls around, two days since logan had seen you in the bowling alley with another guy. he also spent the last two days organising a party, completely last minute, sending the entire house into a frenzy to set it in stone.
typically, parties are structured and planned at least two weeks ahead of time. but this time is different.
he can't ignore the frustration that clouds his thoughts when he thinks of that night. or you, in general. all he sees is you wrapped around someone else's arms.
he's been watching the door for the past hour, curious if you had taken him up on his invitation. it's been two hours since the start of the party, and logan knows damn well that word has gotten around about their open house party.
it should have been invitational only, as they usually host their parties. but it's way too last minute to make it an exclusive party. so, they made sure word got around.
he knows that you know what time the party starts. because mick's friends have already made their way into the frat house, drowning in alcohol and pressed up against girls on the dance floor. he only wonders if you would ever come by.
logan folds his arms over his chest, smiling smugly as he watches the crowd pour into the dimly lit home. he turns to oscar. "see? i told you i could pull it off."
oscar stops next to him, hands in his pockets. "i got to say – this is the most effort i've seen you put in a girl," oscar teases, glancing at his friend from the corners of his eyes. "you must really like her."
"i just don't like losing," logan scoffs with an eye roll. "especially not to some loser like the guy she's with."
losing? no, he is jealous. but he would rather abolish this entire party as a whole than admit that to anybody.
"schumacher?" oscar laughs, throwing his head back. "he's not even a loser, mate. have you even talked to him?"
"whose side are you on, dude?" logan frowns, throwing his arms in the air. "there is a wrong answer to this question."
oscar rolls his eyes and punches logan. objectively speaking, he is on mick's side; for your sake. but in a friend perspective, he’ll always be on logan’s side. but even he can admit logan’s a bit of a dick sometimes.
"whatever, dude." he smiles to himself, watching liam open the door to let another crowd in. "it's a very well-put-together party. i'm surprised. where did you get the keg on such short notice?"
logan has this shit-eating grin on his face, one that oscar desperately wants to wipe off. but he can only step back and watch the downfall of all his antics. it's funnier that way.
"frederik knows a guy."
oscar raises an eyebrow. "alright, mate." he pats logan on the back. "liam’s hosting the beer pong. let’s go?”
logan shakes his head, staring at the door with his arms folded over his chest. “later.”
“staring at the door won’t increase the chances of her coming,” oscar hums proudly, patting him on the back. he pushes him through the crowd of college students and massages his shoulder as he tries to find where liam had set up the table. "and anyway, they're coming after pre-drinks."
logan stops in his tracks. "how do you know that?"
oscar steps back with a smirk. "lily told me. did i not update you on that?" he sighs dramatically and rolls his eyes. "must have slipped my mind."
he knew, since the night logan plotted this party, that you and your friends would be pre-drinking before coming here. another reason you're apparently dragging your feet here is for lily – not wanting her to be alone in a frat house.
as honest of a guy oscar tries to keep himself, it doesn't remove suspicion from him trying to take advantage of her. understandable and respectable. so he told you to take your time.
"dude!" logan scowls, shoving oscar back. "that's vital information you should have told me ages ago! i've watched the door like a fucking hawk all night waiting to see if she's coming."
"it's funnier this way," oscar giggles. "also, it's because i'm dating lily."
"you're what? since when? why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"way before you started seeing her. but you're focused on the wrong thing, mate."
"i doubt that, actually."
"oi, beer pong bitches!" liam screams, his hands cupped over his mouth as he beckons for the pair to approach him. he's knelt on a bar stool to catch their attention in the crowd. "logan is up first for the public versus the house."
logan chuckles, slowly making his way towards the beer pong table once more. "are you sure? i'm undefeated, mate," he turns to his friends, "you'll never get your turn if i'm up first."
frederik grins, gesturing towards the rows of red cups filled with sizzling cheap beer. "we wanna see how long you last."
oscar giggles, patting his back. "revenge for making us scramble to put together this party at such short notice."
"and anyway," liam laughs breathily, stumbling into logan's body. he takes a sip from the red cup in his hand. "we have another table for the casual games by the pool."
"and i don't get to play at that table? how rude," logan scoffs, stepping towards the table. he spreads his arms out as he looks around the crowd. "any takers?"
there are a couple who try taking logan down in his own game of beer pong. but as someone who's always in attendance at every party on campus, he's simply mastered the game – how to distract his opponents when he's losing, how to throw them off the game, and how to hit the ball into the cups.
he's figured it all out.
the games pass by very quick, and logan only drinks a couple of cups out of the 6 opponents that are brave enough to step up to the challenge.
"seriously?" logan giggles, slightly intoxicated from the beer. he watches the previous guy walking away, greeted by his group of friends and consolations for a 'nice try'. but logan knows it wasn't a good try. he didn't have a fighting chance at beating him. "where's the real challenge?"
"i could probably beat you."
he hears a chorus of 'oh's from his own friends crowded behind him, lifting his head to meet a pair of blue ones. he sees you first, hands on someone else's body and an arm wrapped around your shoulders. his eyes land on mick, smugly grinning at him with a hand inside the pocket of his jacket nonchalantly.
"yo, isn't that-"
"liam, read the room."
logan doesn't notice lily threading the edge of the makeshift circle over to his side, greeting oscar with a smile. he tilts his head at mick. "you think you can beat me? i'm undefeated, bro."
he sees you whispering something at mick, swatting at him with a small smile. logan knows that look: the flushed cheeks, swollen lips and slightly smudged mascara under your eyes. you'd drunk a little too much during your pre-drinks.
and so do you with logan: the heaving, permanent sly lazy grin and slumped shoulders. you even notice the way he's already slurring at his words.
"mick, should you really be entertaining this?"
mick smiles down at you, squeezing you with a soft shake. "just a bit of fun. we're at a party after all. i'll keep it friendly."
"i know you will. but will he?"
"trust me?"
you tilt your head and lift an eyebrow. you sigh with a small smile, "fine."
"asking for permission?" logan scoffs. "what are you, scared?"
mick scrunches his nose, lifting his hands from you. "no, mate. reassuring her," he smiles. he slowly tears his jacket off of his arms.
logan clenches his jaw at the sheer audacity when mick turns around and hands you his jacket. he feels a wave of anger, something he's never felt before, rising in his chest when mick leans down and presses a quick kiss to your red cheeks.
this might just be jealousy. but it's an emotion so foreign to logan that he doesn't even notice it. in his head, he's just mad that he's lost you to this guy.
someone rumoured to have gotten into the school through his dad’s connections.
"you sure you wanna embarrass yourself in front of her?" logan asks sweetly, biting down on his bottom lip. "one more chance to back out, schumacher."
mick shrugs and steps towards logan. "all in, mate."
"just making sure you don't embarrass your little girlfriend," logan grins, craning his neck slightly and squints his eyes down at you. "you don't want everyone to see him lose to me, do you? you should advise him otherwise."
you don't even get a chance to react before mick steps into logan's line of vision to you. "don't bring her into this."
logan scoffs, eyeing mick up and down. he furrows his eyebrows and tilts his head. "huh?"
"let's keep this friendly?" mick smiles. he extends his hand towards logan.
logan's gaze trails to the hand held out in front of him. he chuckles dryly before turning away, earning another chorus of gasps and shocked whispers around him, walking over to his side of the table. "you know how to play beer pong, don't you?"
mick purses his lips together, retracting his arm before padding over to his spot. "yeah."
liam looks between them, drunkenly filling up the new set of cups with beer. the kiwi can only hope that they keep talking so that he doesn't have to rush with the cups.
"i can teach you if you'd like."
"no, i think i can handle myself."
"alrighty," liam stands, clasping his hands together. "enough yapping. play the stupid game, you guys. it's just beer pong."
logan remembers a time when you used to be in this crowd. cheering for him instead of some random guy you met in one of your classes. you should be on the other side of the crowd next to oscar and arthur.
logan doesn’t do great with losing. if that hasn’t been implied, he doesn’t know any other way to show it.
mick crosses his arms over his torso. “make a shot, reigning champ.”
“i can be generous,” logan scrunches his nose, pressing his lips together. “guests first.”
the boy across the table shrugs. the game doesn’t go by as fast as the previous ones that logan plays. mick was actually true to his word, knowing how to play the game.
logan’s drank more cups than he’s ever in the entirety of the evening. he has to take a couple of deep breaths, staring down at the table when mick hits the ball into the last cup on his side.
he lost. he… lost? how is that possible?
“good game,” mick smiles with a polite nod across the table.
logan scans the table, taking his last cup into his hand. he hadn’t even stood a chance against mick. he still had more than half his set on the table.
mick swiftly turns around, ready to approach you when logan speaks. “one more?”
“mate-“
oscar taps liam on the shoulder, his one arm around lily’s shoulders, and grins. “no, let him do what he wants,” he glances at lily, who is smiling back at him, “i wanna see how this goes.”
“he’s gonna get himself into a fight, oscar,” liam mutters, pointing at logan. “you know him.”
“let him,” oscar shrugs. “he’s an adult — he knows what he’s getting into.”
“one more?” mick asks, halfway towards you. “are you sure?”
“yeah. best of three?”
“logan,” frederik calls out, pressing his lips into a thin line and shaking his head. “mate. he beat you fair and square.”
“no, it’s alright,” mick smiles. “no hard feelings.”
“very hard feelings,” logan mutters to himself, reaching to the side to open a beer can to replenish everything himself. “you stole my girlfriend.”
liam quickly takes over logan, swatting his hands away as he fills one cup sloppily with half of the liquid trickling down the side.
the next game goes by even quicker than before, the entire duration flashing right in front of logan’s eyes. he’s lost again. at least, it was closer this time. it was tied down to one last cup. mick simply played his shot better.
in normal circumstances, maybe logan would have just taken the loss as one would. but this is mick we’re talking about. logan will be anything but diplomatic about it.
“you had me nervous for a moment there!” you giggle. you move your arm out to avoid spilling the cocktail that frederik very graciously mixed for you during the game. “i thought you were going to have to play the third round.”
mick laughs breathily, blinking rapidly with a hand on his chest. “me too. i’m filled with alcohol,” he laughs, sweeping you into his arms. he pressed a sloppy kiss to your cheek, lifting you slightly from the ground. “let’s go whenever you want to?”
“aw, mate,” frederik sighs, heading over to mick. “house rules: the winner stays until defeated.”
“no way,” you whine, jokingly tearing frederik’s hands from mick. “i wanna head to the bar and get another drink with him!”
“fuck this,” logan mutters, throwing the racket down on the table. he snatches the last cup on the table and glances over at you excitedly bouncing as mick swept you up into his arms.
he rolls his eyes, whirling around and heading towards the backyard of the house.
mick hums as you engage in a conversation with frederik, his hand still on your waist. “um, hold on,” he whispers, tapping you gently. “i’ll go check on him. he looks mad.”
you tug on his shirt. “no, he’ll be okay. he’s just a sore loser, mick.”
he laughs, shaking his head as he detaches himself from your grasp. “i just wanna ask him if he’s okay. i’ll meet you guys at the bar.”
you hum hesitantly, letting go of his hands finger by finger. frederik nudges you in the direction of the bar where oscar and lily are already walking towards.
mick steps out into the backyard, hopeful to find the blonde that turned his back on them. while he didn’t frequent petty fights, logan’s reactions are just very entertaining to him. all because he had failed to appreciate your presence when he was blessed with it and mick stepped up to take you out on a date.
and when he was hearing whispers about logan remaining undefeated at the beer pong table, he took up on the chances. perhaps the alcohol made him feel slightly competitive.
he’s ashamed to admit that he let his ego get the best of him and that’s why he stepped up to logan’s challenge.
“mate,” mick announces his presence, slowly approaching logan sitting on one of the sun beds by the pool. “i hope you didn’t take the game to heart.”
“fuck off,” logan mutters, dropping his head low. he picks at the grass under the bed and clenches his jaw. “what are you doing here anyway? shouldn’t you be celebrating with your girlfriend?”
“she’s not my girlfriend.” logan looks up, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “yet.”
“seriously, what’s your deal? have you just come here to parade in my face that you got the girl or something?” logan pushes himself up to his feet. “i get it, man.”
mick sighs. “no. i was checking on you. you look like you had too much to drink there.”
“i don’t need you babysitting me,” logan shakes his head and folds his arms over his chest. “i’m a grown adult.”
“do you need some water? i don’t imagine you feel so good after chugging that much beer,” mick mutters under his breath. “you should really sit down.”
“don’t act like you care.”
“logan,” mick sighs, closing his eyes momentarily to let his frustration pass. “iced or room temp water?”
logan rolls his eyes. “stop acting all saint-like, man. i know you wanna hit me.”
“mate, i do not want to hit you.”
“for sure, you do. you just don’t know it yet.” logan shoves his hands into his pockets. he takes a step forward. “we all know you want to hit me. just do it.”
mick takes note of the step he takes, but stays planted into the ground. “i don’t want to fight you.”
“i know you do. the urge just hasn’t clawed at you yet,” logan grins sloppily. another step forward. “or are you holding back? because she doesn’t like messy guys and you’re scared you’ll lose her it you throw a punch?”
“i’m not holding back. fighting is a waste of time — i don’t like it.”
“she’s very conservative, dude, but she’s very forgiving,” logan nods, looking into the glass doors that lead into the house. he tries to spot you in the crowd but when he doesn’t, he returns his attention to mick. “you’re allowed a couple mistakes.”
“i’m not taking advantage of her like that.”
“i’m not asking you to take advantage of her kindness. i’m telling you that if you need to throw a punch or two, she will definitely forgive you. no need to be scared.”
mick laughs slightly, throwing his hands into the air to surrender. “i’m really not looking to fight with you. that’s beyond me, mate.”
“she appreciates when you let loose a little bit,” logan nods to himself. “why do you think we were going out all those months together? it’s not just cause i won her over with my charm, ya know. she’s got a bit of a wild side, mate.”
mick tilts his head, squinting slightly. he appreciates the extent logan is going to just to rile him up.
“if you don’t know that, then maybe she’s just not comfortable with you.” one more step forward. “i know so well a side of her even you’ve never seen before.”
“do you?”
“yeah,” logan answers in a low tone. he drops his head, one corner of his lips turning up into a smirk. “she’s got that perfect picture smile from a magazine, but you should have seen her when we went to this one party on campus.”
“ah. so?”
“do you know that she gets touchy when she consumes tequila?” logan perks up innocently. “very brave — she’s taken body shots before, you know. off of me?”
“okay? that was a frat party; of course you guys would host that kind of activity. i was there when that happened.”
logan ignores the jabs at the fraternity.
“kissed her yet? in case you haven’t, she tastes like those strawberry mints she always keep a tin of inside her pocket. they’re very minty, but it’s lovely.”
mick grins, pursing his together. “yeah, i know.”
“have you seen her in that one baby doll dress that she likes wearing a lot? what about her yellow sundress that barely covers her thighs?” logan pouts his bottom lip out. “it’s a scene when the wind comes by.”
“mate, you’re kind of crossing a line now,” the german chuckles. “don’t talk about her like that. i know you like her too.”
logan takes another step forward, eager to find that one trigger in mick. “do you know the mole she’s got on her hip? on the left side of her lower back. it’s really really visible when you’re fuc–“
“aw, fuck’s sake!”
logan almost bursts into laughter when he realises what had happened. his back meets the land of grass in the backyard, a pain shooting through his face. when he looks up, a crowd has formed around them during their conversation and liam is already knelt by his side.
lifting his head, he sees mick covering his face with both hands. he runs his hands through his hair as he looks down at logan with wide eyes, hands cupping his warm cheeks. “oh, my god. oh my god.”
oscar and lily pour out of the glass doors with a crowd following them out, the australian raising his eyebrows at his best friend lying back on the ground with a bloody nose.
“logan?” oscar asks, already knowing that he’s probably done or said something to trigger the normally calm headed man in front of him. “what did you do?”
logan scoffs, letting liam help him to sit on the sun bed. “i have the bloody nose and you’re asking me what i did? why don’t you ask him? he hit me.” logan points at mick as he takes the tissues that liam is putting into his hands.
oscar stares at logan. “really? you’re going with that?”
“yeah,” logan grins, glancing at mick. he presses the tissues to his nose, hissing when pain shoots through his face again at the contact. “god, dude. you don’t look like it but you can throw a punch.”
mick nurses his knuckle, taking a couple of steps back. “i know, mate. i’m not stupid.”
you stumble out of the glass doors, heaving as frederik keeps a firm grip on your shoulders. you were in one of the bathrooms upstairs — where it’s exceptionally cleaner — when mick threw the punch (frederik was holding your purse waiting for you outside the door).
when you made your way back down, the crowd inside the house halved. frederik would tap ollie, taking body shots off of someone, asking where everyone had gone.
and ollie, lying back on the table as he put salt on his stomach, pointed to the backyard and muttered something about a possible fight. “logan, maybe,” he muttered before promptly shooing you away.
you look at mick first, who has his shoulders slumped with oscar and lily by his side and is staring at you with guilt all over his face. then you look at logan, being nursed by liam and someone else, with a tissue and an ice pack against his face.
“yeah?” logan perks up with a scoff at you. “can’t pick who to nurse?”
@cashtons-wife @localwhoore @vroomvroomcircuit @foreveralbon @what-is-happening-helpp
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This is going to be very long and sound a little crazy at first, and maybe a little mean but please hear me out…
I’m convinced that Taylor sometimes purposefully includes one line or multiple lines of poorly written or clunky lyrics in specific songs to make a point.
We all have seen some version of this with bearding songs like London Boy, a simple bop whose lyrics were immediately detected as sounding disingenuous, even with the general population (the locations she was signing about were the most touristy and too far away from each other to visit on the same day, etc, basically implying that she doesn’t actually have a long term local bf there that she spends a bunch of time with exploring the city with, etc).
But just like everything else on the album, I think she’s doing maybe a more in your face version of that. No holds barred.
So High School is an obvious example of this, with all of the early 2000’s hs imagery, she seems pretty blatantly to be mocking the idea the public has of her “living out every American girl’s high school fantasy” of dating the tall popular football player. With lyrics like “touch me while your friends play grand theft auto” (barf), etc, shes being clear enough that this is not a serious song.
This is the possibly controversial part, but I’m so curious to see what others think about this - I think another iteration of this on this album is the title track, The Tortured Poets Department. Hear me out.
(First, I want to reassure you that there are lines in this song that I really like and think are well written, like: “you’re in self-sabotage mode/throwing spikes down on the road” and “but you awaken with dread/pounding nails in your head/but I’ve read this one/where you come undone/I chose this cyclone with you”. And I fully agree with the idea that these sentiments are from Karlie’s perspective. Basically, when you take out the chunks I’m about to talk about this song makes way more sense and has a beautiful sentiment of undying love behind it - which makes the following parts stick out that much more!)
The first time I listened through the album, and this was the second song, I got terrified because I didn’t understand its place in the whole narrative and when I heard the first clunky line “scratch your head like a tattooed golden retriever” I got the ick. Then the bridge with no structure and no wit and no clever turns of phrase, no metaphor, just “you put my ring on the finger people put wedding rings on” and “that was the closest I’ve ever been to my heart exploding”. So over simplified and cheesy, and doesn’t sound anything like her writing, especially the caliber of her recent lyrics
I know art is largely subjective, but I insist there is no way that the same person who wrote Cowboy Like Me wrote these lines into her title track if she didn’t have a reason and a point to make. To make it clear that this isn’t a matter of genre personal taste, because I know CLM is a very specific sound and a style that music snobs often take more seriously - I love SO many of her candy pop bangers, they are infinitely more clever, articulate, and overall works of art by a true wordsmith than this. Karma, The Very First Night, etc are all a master classes in clever words and tight writing being tucked into an “unserious” pop song.
The lyrics I cited above to me sound like what haters believe her writing sounds like, even fans who make little jokey TikTok’s about her and make up a spoofy something to sing while in character - that’s what these lyrics sound like.
Im worried im being too harsh, but please stay with me because the more I think about the more genius I think it actually is.
In the context of the themes of rest of the album, (her being trapped, miserable, manipulated, ready to burn it all down, screaming to be seen) this theory became clear to me. I think she’s leaning into her public persona (in more ways than one, we’ve already seen it with the stunting), in a way setting a “trap” for her fans and the public, that will essentially call them all out on how they ignored the real her in favor of her pr narrative, making the album about paternity tests, etc, all of which I’m guessing will become very clear in retrospect, possibly after she comes out? (Of course it’s already clear to us now, which is another purpose of the beard songs including clunky writing - to signal to us that these are not serious and that she knows that we know that she knows (like Phoebe on friends lol))
Ultimately, this is (along with So Highschool) a classic beard song. When she writes in this voice, she embodies the most extreme versions of her public persona, not just the one she has cultivated on purpose, but also the one that people have of her that don’t know her (as she did in Blank Space), including those that don’t take her seriously - because her identity as a boy crazy psycho ex girlfriend is directly tied to people dismissing her art as vapid because, they’ve only ever heard her singles, they don’t know the full her.
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That voice is the straightest, the most boy crazy, the most one note, and sometimes the most unsophisticated writer version of her that people have in their minds, including her fans - the fans that refuse to see her as a whole person, the real, that believe she is head over heals for big football boy, that believe “he knows how to ball, I know Aristotle” is a romantic line about how opposites attract, the fans that say they don’t “get” some of her most beautiful and well-written songs, the fans that don’t see her and haven’t been seeing her.
They didn’t see giant Taylor on the eras tour, they refuse to see all of her queer signaling, etc, and I think she’s making the bearding songs obvious to underscore the difference between her Taylor(TM) and Taylor(person) personas.
She knows that despite the fact that the lyrics don’t even come close to measuring up to the rest of the album, the public, and many of her fans, will make this song one of the most listened to simply because they are looking for evidence of her relationships from the past year. We’ve all commented on how insane it is that this layered, complex, devastating album is being reduced to the usual paternity tests. This is currently one of the top songs precisely because it is “about Matty”. And of course, So High School is one of the tops songs along with it because it’s “about Travis”.
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The juxtaposition of the bearding songs alongside her beautifully written poetry of Prophecy, Peter, Whose Afraid of Little Old Me, Cassandra, How did it end, The Albatross, etc mirrors the juxtaposition of her two selves during the Midnights era.
She has proven the point that if they think she wrote every line of this song completely in earnest, then they see her largely no differently than her haters do, as a subpar writer who writes absurdly cheesy love songs praising trashy to mediocre, problematic men. By eating it up they tell her that’s what she’s good for, for being the subject of tabloids and warring fans who make this entire album about two (purposefully) mediocre songs and the men who “inspired” them.
She has proven her point - that a subset of her fans will be distracted by a lesser song simply because they think it’s about one of the greasy men that’s she been seen holding hands with. That they will ignore once again all of her pleas to be seen, that she’s in pain and caged, and has been driven insane by their willful ignorance. That they don’t appreciate her full potential and talent, that they don’t even see it, and just want to be confirmed in their ideation of her.
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This song is essentially the “forget him(her)” pill at the beginning of the fortnight mv, but it’s a sedative for the fans, who are addicted to her straight narrative. Similar to Willow’s 13 chants of “that’s my man” that started off evermore, casting a spell of heteronormativity over everyone who wanted it, so that they could choose to just completely ignore the following 14 gayest songs ever written. Don’t pay no mind to her singing directly about women with zero male perspective - she said “that’s my man!” We’re good! She’s still straight!
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Taylor in the fortnight mv had to a take a sedative to be able to go into the next room and write her bearding songs - ie she self medicates to deal with keeping up the straight persona and to get through having to release dumbed down songs to feed the masses. (I also see the pill as something forced on her, I think it represents both layers)
From the first time I watched the music video I thought the writing Taylor looked so miserable and the bearding songs are why.
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In this room she’s trapped, churning out the songs that her fans expect of her, the songs that make her team money, the songs that make her money, but that she has to compromise her truth to create.
But when she frees herself she’ll burn the stories that weren’t true, the filler that doesn’t represent her.
I’m curious to hear other’s thoughts on this - have you ever felt like Taylor purposefully inserts off-sounding lyrics that are written in a different voice to make a point?
I want to reiterate that it’s not the entirety of either song that I think is terrible, I genuinely love bopping along to both So High School and TTPD (track). Like I said above, when you remove the clunky lines from ttpd (track), the song has another layer and likely gives voice to some Karlie insight that is beautiful and tragically profound. It’s the red herrings, the pieces specifically meant to tie this song to a bearding narrative, that I’m dissing, and the only reason they are suspicious in the first place is because I know how gifted Taylor is with the written word.
Taylor is such a skilled writer that she can embody the voice of the bad writer that dismissive ignorant idiots believe her to be, just to make a point!
I even wonder if maybe there is a second version of this song locked away in one of those drawers in the fortnight writing room that leaves out the red herrings and is a thousand times better than the bearding version we got.
I hope one day we get to hear it.
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eveningepiphany · 9 months
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welcome to the final show | H.S, part 2
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the girlies asked so I deliver!
read part one here, or check out my masterlist!
summary: after the accidental cafe run in, harry and y/n have wound up with each others numbers. and are quick to go from casual texting to organising another time to meet up. including a cafe trip and an unexpected ice creamery visit.
warnings: fluff, swearing, minor mentions of alcohol, nothing too heavy, just our lovely italyrry who is the sweetest ever.
a/n: thank you all so so much for the incredible amount of support on the first part of this official series. and also for your patience in waiting for me to hurry up and post an update. i know it’s been like 2 weeks since the first part, but I really wanted to give you something i took my time working on <3
———
There’s a certain type of disbelief that comes around once and a while. It’s rare.
It’s the kind that you feel straight to your core. That randomly dumps on you during the day like a bucket of water, and leaves your head spinning like that very bucket came crashing down with it.
It happens in a single moment, but lingers for a long time after the fact.
That’s exactly how you felt after harry texted you first. Because not even a few hours later after you’d exchanged numbers, he sent you through, not only a message, but a photo of all things.
One that made your heart swell with its endearing qualities.
A photo of a plate, filled with the food you’d told him earlier that day was one of your favourites.
Sent with a further little message below it,
Your favourite is currently up for grabs at the family gathering. H
The way he’d signed his intial off at the bottom had you nearly throw your phone across the room at how adorable it was.
Like as if you didn’t even know who you were texting.
Again it strewn your thought— is he aware the kind of mental effect this is having on you? Because you’re borderline going to need to phone for an ambulance.
You’re a simple person. A fangirl, to say the least. This shit, despite being able to say ‘I’ve met and talked with Harry Styles for more than 10 minutes’ does not just disappear.
And you had promised yourself not to tell anyone that this had happened— or was happening? Because there would be nothing worse than this somehow ending up online.
And not to treat him like a flighty deer instead of a grown man, but you would hate for that to place a kind of distrust in his hands.
However, all of that self-agreement doesn’t take away the nagging voice in your head that just wants to tell at the very least your immediate friends and family.
But you’re proud to say— after a long 2 minutes of pacing around your hotel room— you manage to craft a reply back.
Well, only after a few rough and undeniably embarrassing drafts that quickly get deleted out of the text bar.
You’re back to sitting on the floor against the bed frame, facing the window looking out on the gorgeous colours of the evening Italian sky.
Heart pounding, and you’re sure this scene from a third person perspective would look like it was pulled from a hallmark movie.
Girl fawning over man’s simple text. Kicking her feet in the glow of Italian sun, with a glass of wine on the floor next to her.
You stared at your finalised message and decided if you didn’t send it now, you would spiral into a never ending pit of doubt. And just end up overthinking the whole thing.
So you just did it. And now on the screen, under his blue message, was your own grey one.
there’s no way. it looks so good! im gonna see if it’s on my room service menu tbh. consider me inspired.
You bit your knuckles. Acting up like a fucking teenager. Waiting for the shock to subside before you actually get up to find the hotel menu.
After you replied back, you were sweating, honestly. Anxious at the fact you had just sent a text to Harry Styles. And unlike a conversation, that shit is permanent. So too bad if it comes off embarrassing.
Which of course, it didn’t on his end. Unbeknownst to you, he almost physically gleamed at sight of your name on his screen for the first time.
You’d nearly dropped your glass of wine when your phone vibrated up on the counter of the hotels kitchen where it was charging.
It’d been about half an hour from when you replied, you’d since ordered room service and sat in your bed to watch tv.
You made sure to place your glass elsewhere as you ran over to grab your phone.
If it wasn’t already all gone I’d save you some. Any luck with the room service?
You’d replied back swiftly, disregarding any kind of waiting to text back rule. You were all too eager to wait.
i managed to score some up from the room service. didn’t look as appetising as yours, but it was still enjoyed. x
And at this, he smiled, looking at the Italian sunset as he thought of you with a curiosity he recognised as all too unhealthy.
———
If you had told yourself two days ago in that cafe, that you have had several full conversations with harry after getting his number… you probably would have laughed.
Yet its not a joke of any kind. You can pinch yourself over and over again looking at those texts, but all you’ll end up with is a bruise and they will be just as real.
But as you read over the most recently received one, pinching would have not been enough of a reality check.
Maybe a frying pan? Probably would do the trick.
You scanned over his words, rubbing your eyes like you were tired and seeing shit— even though you’d been awake since 9am, which was 2 hours ago.
Unless you have plans, I’m going to try this cafe a friend recommended me a while back, if you wanted to tag along?
[ 1 attachment link]
And there’s simply no way that this is happening? But after 30 seconds without a follow up text telling you he’s accidentally sent this to the wrong person, you sit up straight.
Well, you’re not about to ask him if he’s serious right now, so you channel every fibre of casualness left within you and use it to construct a response.
id love to! I’ll get ready to go soon if you want to meet there before 12:30?
That works perfectly. did you need a lift, or are you in walking distance. I can pick you up if you need.
You almost keel over at his offer, and the absolute gentleman move he just made.
You also realise you didn’t even look where the cafe was. Because if Harry Styles asks you to go somewhere with him the answer should always be yes. Figure out the means of getting there and back later.
Either way you open the link and get taken to google maps, and the cafe in question is literally a 10 minute walk away from you.
im in walking distance, it’s about 10 minutes away. so I’ll just make my way there at about 12:15! thank you for the lovely offer though.
And you move as quickly as possible from your bed to your suitcase, ready to tear that thing apart for an outfit.
You don’t want to be over the top, but you have to go with something on the shorter side because it’s already in the high 20’s and it’s not even afternoon yet. So you lug out the many summer dresses you crammed in there, hoping that one of them will strike your interest.
Some get tossed back into your bag as you filter through them, not making the cut for a variety of reasons— like showing too much of your cleavage.
Yea, a good few of them get ruled out for that reason.
But eventually— and thank god, because you were starting to loose hope— you find one that is perfect for the occasion. It’s all types of flowy and comfortable, but still maintains the pretty connotation that summer dresses are known for.
Before putting it on, you go into the bathroom and do your morning routine— fixing your hair as a final step, but deciding to leave it out since there is hardly any wind outside to make it a mess. Plus it will suit the dress.
You somehow managed to take long enough that the next time you look at your phone you realise it’s nearing 12:15pm a lot faster than you expected. So you hustle to get the rest of your shit together, and make your way out the door.
The walk there is as peaceful as you could imagine, just the sounds of chatter from passer-by’s and birds lingering in trees dotting the sidewalk.
But on the inside you are still panicking. The last time you’d meet him in a cafe was a total surprise. This time it’s planned, and that leaves too much room for your brain to overthink it.
As you finally push through the doors of the cafe you had found your way to, a tiny bell above jingles. But you’re hardly focused on it as you look to the front counter.
Seeing the exact person you were here for already grabbing two drinks from a barista at what you can only assume is a pickup counter.
As he spins around, he catches your momentary surprise, complimented by flushed cheeks. To this he smiles and nods you over with his head.
He looked excited to see you. Like a longtime pair of friends meeting up again after a while apart.
Your feet kick back into gear at his nod, following him over to a table that’s tucked into the corner. He had his pleasing bag slung across the top of the chair.
“Hi lovely,” he says the minute you’re close enough to hear his deep voice.
“Hi Harry.” You smile, heart still beating too fast. The words feeling different as they get spoken from your mouth.
He walks the few steps around the table, closing the gap still between you— and he doesn’t wait for you to hug him, he just pulls you straight into the warmth of his arms.
Wrapping you up in a way that you can smell the cologne lingering on the dip of his neck into his shoulder.
His accent is muffled by your hair as he talks gently, “how’ve you been?”
The common question has your head reeling. In its simplicity is still sweetness.
You pull back, his eyes training on yours, looking keenly at you, awaiting an answer from your almost shy lips.
“I— yes, I’ve been really good thank you.” You nod, how could you not be? Look where your standing, who you’re standing with.
“What about you…?” You ask, watching as the corners of his pink mouth upturn.
He’s freshly shaven, you notice, and your fingers twitch with the need to glide over the smooth skin of his cheek.
You resist as he answers, still relatively closer than you should be out in a public place.
“I’m doing well, even better now.” He raises his eyebrows, a cheeky grin coming on his face.
He revels in blood that rushes into your cheeks, reddening them up like you’ve just run a mile.
“Oh, stop it. You’re a bloody flirt.” You roll your eyes in an attempt to play it off, and you also take a step back to seat yourself in the chair at the table he’d picked.
Maybe he was a flirt at most times. But from his perspective, with you in a dress like that? Not to sound like he’s drawing on the one direction lyrics, but as if you don’t know you’re beautiful.
I mean, sure, he thinks you’re aware that you’re pretty. But in the way it’s working him up, you seem to be clueless.
Because he’s almost stumbling on his words at the sight of you, soft fabric flowing seamlessly over your tan skin, cutting off above your knees leaving him with thoughts that he should not be having in a public space.
But at the same time, he tries to convince himself it’s nothing but a wholesome coincidental friendship. Even though if at any point tabloids get a hold of this, it will be very very far from that.
You’re watching as he looks a little caught up in thought, and you chuckle at it.
The sweet noise breaks him out of it, and he’s grateful for that. It was a rabbit hole he was happy to just not go down right now.
“Can’t help it,” he shrugs, going over to his own seat.
“Now, i need the full story of what happened with your friends luggage at the Singapore airport?”
You let out a laugh, a little surprised he even remembers to bring it up. You had been texting about travel, and told him the time your friend had her luggage lost in a layover between Singapore and London last month.
“I mean, where did it leave it off?” You had explained a partial amount of the story. But told him, if you’d planned another cafe trip it would be a lot easier to explain the ins and outs.
And he was overly excited to watch you tell the tale. Watch the way your hands moved as you animatedly told the story, and the way your eyes get a little lost in thought.
He caught tiny glimpses of it the first time you’d met, but he craved to watch it happen in full. Among other things.
You told him how you’d had 12 hour layover, but that you guys didn’t want to book a hotel since they were so expensive. But you were still meant to collect your luggage— and everyone else but your friend Bonnie got it back.
“She’s Scottish, crazy red hair and she is like a fire cracker. She was actually at the last show, in the front with us, but anyway— so she’s running around Singapore airport accosting all the staff with her stressed out and angry Scottish accent.”
You went back and forth with the many fuck arounds of that day, how you went from halfway across the airport to a misplaced baggage unit per a staffs advice, only for the lady at the front desk to say it wasn’t there— and to go back to the support centre.
“It was not funny at the time,” you said, “but fuck, looking back now it’s pretty good. And it makes a fun story to tell.”
“So where did she actually get her stuff back?” He asks, frowning with a curious smile.
“Oh, like 6 hours after we originally got off the plan. They’d told us to wait up at that little customer support place and after like another hour and a half, some really frazzled guy came running up with it.”
And you laughed at the image in your head, sweaty and looked terrified he’d gotten the wrong bag, “We asked where it had gotten lost, but he just asked if it was certainly ours, then when we said yes he nodded and practically ran the other way.”
Harry was smiling so hard his cheeks hurt.
“God, is that quite a story.”
“See why I said texting it would have been way too hard.” You amend, reaching for the deserted cup of tea you hadn’t even drank out of yet, taking a sip.
Exactly how you like it, and you smile. Watching him watch you drink it.
“Just how you like it, yea?” He asks to confirm. But also lost a little in the way the liquid seamlessly travels from the cup down your throat.
“Yea, perfect.” You nod, clutching the warm cup between your hands, tongue swiping out over your lips.
“Anyways, what about your own crazy travel stories. Since you’ve done plenty of it.” You prompt, unaware of his remaining gaze.
The afternoon went of just like that. Telling stories and sharing funny little anecdotes that had you laughing so hard that tears were about to spill from your waterline.
You slowly forget that it’s Harry Styles you’re sitting with. And of course that sounds weird. But it’s like there came a certain point in the afternoon where he just became simply Harry.
Nothing more, nothing less.
It had been a rather long time you sat in that same cafe with him. So much that the chairs, originally very comfortable, had started to become the opposite as time flew on.
“Are these chairs starting to hurt your ass too?” He asks, humour lacing his tone as he watches you adjust yourself in the chair for the third time in the last 10 minutes.
“Yea, the metal seats are lowkey not it.” At this he laughs, the way you word things somehow being more entertaining than most.
“Well, cmon, I already paid, we can go for a walk if you want?” He rises from his place, and you’ve never stood up quicker.
“Braving the Italian sun at its very brightest are we?” You joke, smiling as he grabs his bag and slings it over one of his broad shoulders.
“Could be a big regret, could also be very scenic.” He says as you grab both your empty cups.
“I forgot to put sunscreen on as well, so might have a different colour forehead to the rest of my body but… oh well.” he shurgs, following you over to the small bin by the cafe door.
You’re immediately thinking of the time he went to a show after going out golfing and he had a sunburnt head.
“Wouldn’t be the first time.” And it takes you by surprise that the teasing words made it out of your mouth.
Yet, he seems happily indifferent to it, like it’s of course something you’d know, “Whatever you.”
Your laughing at his response as you hold the door open for him, exiting the cafe into the heat.
A tortured sigh is let out of you both at the swelter of it. The concrete pavement doing nothing but intensify it.
“I underestimate the weather every day here, I’m wearing too many layers of clothing to be dealing with this.”
“Take your hoodie off you dolt.”
He usually keeps layers on so that his tattoos are less visible. Since they’re often a dead giveaway of who he is. So his hands hesitates as they slip to the hem of his jumper.
“Don’t tell me you went out with just a jumper on, no other layers. In Italy?” You shake your head, still smiling as you slowly walk into the shaded part of the sidewalk.
“No— I did.” He laughs, “just m’tattoos usually garner some attention.”
He clarifies, “that sounded really egotistical, not the tattoos themselves, I meant people recognise me easier when they’re out.”
“Oh!” You stumble a little in your thought process. Feeling a little silly for not realising.
“I kind of like… forgot?” You say, coming to a stop as he eventually succumbs to the heat and peels the jumper over his head. Folding it up and popping it into his bag, glancing at you with a tiny breathe of relief at his new found ventilation. Hands moving to tousle with his hair in attempt to flatten it after pulling the jumper over it.
“I mean, i did. too honestly.” He agrees, continuing to walk forward.
You read into that a million different ways. But he makes sure you don’t get confused, “Y/N, don’t look so worried. I just mean you’re a very easy person to get… i dunno, lost in.”
Oh okay? How does one just casually continue putting one foot in front of the other after someone says something like that?
“You flatter me too much.” You roll your eyes, still as awful as ever at masking your shock or adoration for something someone’s said.
“Cmon, you’re just too humble i think.” He bumps you with his shoulder.
You’re laughing at him. But stop dead in your tracks as you stop something across the road.
“H.” You say, and he also comes to a halt. Taking a moment to process your use of his nickname. Like the way it so gently came from you.
Yet you sound almost dire, so he’s looking over where you are, scanning the sunny street for something that could possibly concern you?
For a moment he thinks it may be paparazzi, but this side of town is usually much better in regards to that.
He feels protective of you, “What? Are you okay?”
“There’s ice cream over there.” You say, hand coming up to cover your mouth a little.
A breath of relief fills his lungs, “i— you made it out like this was a life or death situation about t’unfold.”
Your expression turns to a grin, “no, i just love Italian ice creameries!”
“Can we please go and get some?” You glance back to him, and his own smile widens at your face. Gleaming with this unfiltered excitement over something so simplistic.
“Of course we can.” And you’re immediately grabbing his wrist to tug him across the road towards the shop.
“As if I could say no to you, anyway.” He laughs as he keeps up with your quick pace, clearly on a mission.
Once inside the store, with its pink and mint coloured walls and decor, you move to look at the collection of flavours.
The staples such as vanilla and strawberry, but then a small selection of more slightly diverse ones, like peanut butter brownie or salted caramel.
Their cookie dough ice cream looks amazing though, filled with chocolatey chunks of cookie. So you decide relatively fast that’s what you want.
And then you turn to Harry, whose eyes are still darting between flavours indecisively.
“What one do you want?” You ask, and he adverts his eyes to you.
“No I’ll order.” He shakes his head.
“No-no. Let me get this for you, please.” He goes to protest and you nudge him with your elbow, “don’t be stubborn. I want to get you something.”
“I— fine. But know you’re just as pushy as i am.” He scoffs with a laugh.
“I’ll get… maybe chocolate?” He points to it, and you nod.
The older lady at the counter is overly lovely, and you’re rattling off your order to her with a beaming smile.
Harry watches your interaction with her, and how you take a moment to compliment the heart covered apron she was wearing.
His heart trips over it’s own rhythm at the sight.
You pays and he still feels a little guilty, but figures he can make it up to you next time they go out by getting you a cookie or two with your tea.
You come back to his side with the two cones, stacked two scoops tall, and hand one to him.
“Thank you, you didn’t have to though.”
“It’s fine, Harry. Do you wanna find somewhere outside to sit?” You ask, turning to wave at the lady who served you as your slowly exiting the shop.
“Sure, i saw that little bench under a tree a couple shops down near that park.” He nods, taking his turn to lead the way there.
You shortly find the way there, sitting yourselves down on it, looking out onto a small playground with some kids swinging on monkey bars and sliding down the slide.
“Italian ice cream will forever be the best kind of ice cream.” You sigh out with pleasure, licking over the cool scoop.
He unwittingly is blushing at the sight, suddenly batting away mental images at the sight of your pink tongue jutting out of your mouth.
Shaking his head, he pushes them aside. “Definitely. You can tell it’s handmade.”
He busies his own tongue on his own ice cream, only stealing occasional glances to you at his side.
But he can’t help but tilt his cone to you, “Wanna try the chocolate?”
His offer comes as the equivalent of a brick to the head, but you’re invested in making yourself not seem psychotic.
So you nod nonchalantly, “i will, but I have a feeling that’s just because you want some of mine.”
“Mm, maybe I do a little.” He agrees, but any other coherent thought dies where it was in his head at you leaning over to his own cone. Your tongue running over the ice cream, collecting up its sweet residue.
You nod, “That’s so good.” Acting like you’ve got a normal internal monologue right now. Even though she’s hurling things at you that you can’t all process in such a short flash of time.
You just put your mouth where his has been! He is about to do the same thing! His eyes look a little blown out! What the fuck!
Pretty much what it sounds like up there, along with some alarm bells and screaming.
However you just gesture your cone to him, taking mental images of him mirroring what you did just before.
He hums a sound of enjoyment as he pulls back, glancing up at you, pinning you with his green gaze. “Good choice.”
You agree with a slight mumble, shaking your head momentarily to clear your thoughts. Ready to change the subject so you can internally recollect yourself.
“I only regret sitting out here since it’s melting so fucking fast.”
“I know,” he also settles quickly back into the normality of the moment, “i cant eat it quicker than the rate it’s melting.”
“It’s cold though, which is at least a win.”
Conversation trails on as normal while you finish off the ice cream. Discussing if biting the bottom off an ice cream cone is normal or not.
And before you know it you check your phone when you get a text from your mum, asking what time you’re able to call tonight.
She misses you heaps, you can tell. But despite the timezone difference you are making it work.
You also glance up at the time and realise it’s nearing 4pm. And you have just spent majority of the afternoon with Harry.
You also realise you’d agreed to have dinner with all of your friends in one of their hotel rooms tonight.
“Seems like it’s my turn to have to be the one to bail.” You say, popping your phone in your back pocket and looking back at Harry.
“That’s okay, love, what’s the plans for the evening.”
You explain that you’ll go over the the girls hotel room and probably just eat pizza, and then go back to your own room and call your mum for a bit.
He feels a little sad you even have to leave, which is odd, but he nods anyway, “That sounds fun. Solid plan.”
You reluctantly rise from your seat next to him. “So…” you take a tiny breath in, “am I the one picking the next cafe we go to?”
He beams internally at the fact you’re also trying to plan the next time you’re able to meet up with each other.
“I reckon so, Angel.” He stands as well, “I’m good for any day.”
Any plans he has can be rearranged for you.
“Alright!” You feel better immediately knowing you can see him again soon.
“Thanks for the ice cream too, by the way.” He says, walking back over to the pathway with you.
“It’s okay.” You smile, nervously being the one to give him a goodbye hug. A small flutter erupts in your stomach as his hands pull you flush to him around your lower back.
“I’ll see you soon, mkay?”
“Yea. Ill talk to you later.” You remind yourself that he’s easily accessible to talk to. You literally have his number.
“Bye H.” You give him a squeeze, pulling away with a smile, “Bye Y/N.” And you wave as you start the walk back to your hotel. Plenty of things to think about.
———
“Did you guys see the supposed pics of harry today on harryflorals? He was hanging out with someone apparently!” Nina asks everyone.
Only two of you hadn’t, including yourself.
She passes the phone first to you, and you frown.
“I know, looks like it’s taken on a potato.” She says, assuming your furrowed brows are due to the fact the image is really hard to get anything from.
Unless you know that park bench he’s ‘allegedly’ sitting on. And that the blurry figure next to him is almost certainly you— but no one else can tell.
“Yea… shit that is…” You pause, brain freezing a little, “bad quality.”
You hand her phone back. But caption of the post still festering in your head long after the moment is over.
HARRY *SUPPOSEDLY* WITH A GIRL IN ITALY TODAY! but this is the only pic we got 💔
———
ahh and that’s part two! I hope you guys are enjoying this, and I’m so excited to write more about these two. cant wait for you to see what’s in store for them.
thank you again for your patience while waiting for this second part, and to all the lovely people who requested this oneshot to be made into something more.
taglist:
@harrystylesgirlie @purple9950 @teamspideyman @rociolunaa21 @spiritofbuddha @lemonhrry @deamus-liv @lquvlly @kuntxrgraudunkelbunt @hsfanficsrecss
+ all the anons who sent stuff to my submission box, thank you to you guys too, all my love
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