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themanicwriter01 · 5 months

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Douma Headcanons

TAGS: NSFW

PAIRING: Douma x anyone really

he has been a psychopath since he was a child.

he is not going to change out of the blue for ANYONE, even if he admires them in some way.

like let's be for real, he likes the way he is, it gives him advantage over others in a different, twisted way.

compared to other demons and even the demon slayers, Douma does not let emotions get to him and works methodically to accomplish his goals.

but of course, he finds amusement in teasing and harassing people, but this is just a way for him to satisfy a dark and hidden part of himself.

and by that, I mean he poses as a human, entirely looking the part, but kills and eats women like a sport.

with that being said, even if you had some sort of talent, intelligence, etc., Douma would not hesitate to keep you alive to amuse him or simply just kill you.

I truly believe the only way for him to start feeling again would be to get him to a state of near death to where his body turns on his emotions again as a last instinct.

and let's say that did happen, that sounds like a fucking nightmare.

to be the object of affection for a hundred-year-old demon that just regained feelings??

good luck.

he'd kill everyone and everything out of an emotional outburst the second it happened, relishing in the way killing feels before coming back to you and demanding your love.

if (and hopefully) he regains some sort of emotional stability, he'd entirely focus on his s/o because the feelings of love are so addictive compared to his emotionally cold past.

he's very obsessive, to the point his identity becomes his s/o's.

if you like swimming, he likes swimming! if you like art, he likes art!

but with that being said, I canon him to be someone who enjoys philosophy because of his original nihilistic viewpoint, but regards it in almost every conversation after gaining his feelings back.

he also likes classic literature.

but relationship wise?

fuckin' hell.

good fucking luck.

he reminds me of a hyperactive kid always rambling about something, skipping from one topic to the next, simply because he is so happy talking to someone he loves.

he's a natural anxious attachment.

a lot of, "where did you go?" "can i come with you?" "please, don't leave me."

if you're more avoidant, this relationship will turn into an addictive cycle very fast, to when if you push away subconsciously, Douma is coming right back wondering what happened.

but lets say this is a normal relationship with him (which i find near impossible), but he enjoys physical touch and quality time the most.

imagine its sunset, Douma is about to join you outside by the gardens the second the sun dips down from the sunset, and cuddle up next to you in a blanket, reading, and serving you hot tea <3

so cute

he likes more lowkey outings where his main focus is on you.

"A heartless cardinal is like a moving iceberg that can laugh."

NSFW:

his sexual nature is certainly odd compared to that of a human man.

he spaces and thinks about things during sex, like how the tile of floor would be a beautiful color in another shade or how your hair was different compared to last Tuesday.

it's canon that he is kind of slutty, from changing lovers extremely often in order to feel some type of 'childish love'.

if he was in love, by all means do I think he would be a passionate lover, if not a very service kind because he feeds on the reactions of others.

his reliance on others is very. concerning.

he will study your breathing, your scent, your facial expressions; every tiny detail of you will be under critical analysis as he performs a sexual act.

your entire being consumes him as he caresses your skin, as if he was trying to absorb you through sheer touch alone.

but he cant cause you're not dead

lol

#ao3 tags #demon slayer #demon slayer fluff #douma #douma demon slayer #douma fluff #douma smut #douma headcanons #kny douma #demon slayer douma #douma x reader #upper moons

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mindlesshark · 11 months

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“ The Day We Met ”

Chapter one - the introduction ꒰ next ꒱

“The way you treat people is a statement of who you are. Just because they’re rude doesn’t mean you have to be.”

Story Tags/Warnings : ot8/reader, male reader, polymerous pack, possessive hints, mature series, strangers to lovers/mates, fantasy, courting, fluff, angst, mc is just a sweetie pie, male omega reader, pack alpha!yunho, alpha!mingi, alpha!seonghwa, beta!hongjoong, beta!yeosang, omega!wooyoung, alpha!san, alpha!jongho, mean wooyoung, wooyoung hates reader

Chapter warnings : mention of past bullying, fluff, this first chapter will be slow paced :p

Length : 6.5k (might be more), medium long

a/n : this is my first series on here i hope you enjoy! heart divider by @cafekitsune

Series masterlist Here!

Tag-list : theres is no one here yet :(

No one really likes waking up early in the morning. Y/n particularly hates them. The way everything seems to be ten times louder, and the sun seems to want to burn him alive by one thin beam through the curtains. Not to mention having to leave his nest he nicknamed heaven. Today is one of the many days the Rose pack had to prepare for the yearly Wolf Moon festival, the day they celebrate the moon goddess. At this festival the pack invites everyone to the middle of pack to dance in their status themed outfits, and to hopefully even find a mate or a mate-pack to join. Each pack member has their own role in the pack; like being a farmer who knows what grows in each season and a gardener who helps grow the herbs which become our medicines and teas, or even a warrior who helps keep the outside dangers from sneaking in and causing hell.

The Rose pack is one of the many packs who chose to stay secluded in the woods like their past ancestors while everyone around stayed in big cities. Of course they had some technology, in order to keep updated with what was going on over the years etc. They just preferred to stay more the traditional way, unlike the city.

Y/n is a teacher for the packs pups ages one through two. Being an omega with his soft chocolate scent made it easier for the pups to leave their parents in the mornings and come to daycare. Not to mention he was naturally great with babies so working at the daycare came in no question to him. It made his mornings calmer, watching them learn, singing lullabies and rhythms. His job made his life less lonely, along with his best friend who was also an omega who went by the name Felix. Sure the other omega surprised him with how deep his voice was when they first met at the daycare, but that just made him love him even more. Y/n twenty-one years of age had yet to find his mate. Sure he dated once or twice but the relationships were never serious nor did they last long.

During his school years, he made a few friends but quickly found out they were using him for his looks to be popular which from then went downhill. They soon began to bully him and make up false rumors just to make people hate him so they could be liked more. They could care less about what the omega was doing as long as they got the attention from others for just being so called ‘friends’ with him. There was no doubt about it he was an angelic omega, never causing problems, always avoiding violence, and overall just trying to be kind to anyone who came across him. His father always told him, “The way you treat people is a statement of who you are. Just because they’re rude doesn’t mean you have to be.” As if Y/n even had the heart to try and be mean to someone without a purpose. His heart was far too sensitive to do that, which was another reason he was perfect at his job.

“Hey y/n, you know how i was talking about applying to the omega helper program for idols? well im coming over tonight and we’re apply out together, at the same time!” Felix spoke out excitedly while feeding one of the pups a sly smile on his face.

“Lixie what- no i cant you know i’ve never been in any big city we talked about this..” y/n sighed out picking up the youngest pup that was clinging to his leg. “i doubt ill even get paired because of that-” he spoke before being cut off.

“Nope none of that, you and me both know they favor those who came from secluded packs like ours” Felix stated calmly while cleaning up the pups who were being fed to be put down for a nap. Y/n knew there was no use going back and forth with his best-friend. They were both stubborn but when it came to going against one another Felix always won. “well just bring a set of clothes ooo and those candies you brought yesterday” the omega said with a small smile before getting back to work at rocking the pups to sleep while softly purring.

Carefully handing over the last pup who felt back asleep on Y/n’s chest to there parents with a gentle smile, he sighed in relief before gathering up his belongings and went to Felix who was waiting by the door already. “Someone’s excited it seems” he mumbled out with sass and locked the door.

“Well one of us has to be, it all gonna go fine trust me?” felix hummed out while holding y/n’s hand.

After stopping by Felix’s house so he could he a few things like cloths, his laptop, and the candies per Y/n’s request, the two omegas made their way to Y/n’s home. Stepping into the home they kicked off their shoes and immediately went into the bathroom together to shower. Both omegas were comfortable doing this as it came to no surprise to anyone as the had always been stuck together like glue ever sense they met. This also allowed them to unwind and groom one another, during this they would talk about anything they had on their chest no matter the subject. Once they were done washing and putting on one another’s clothes they made their way into Y/n’s nest with Felix’s laptop. Y/n let his bestfriend pull up the website while he sat in felix’s lap snacking on the sweet candies, “i mean i’m excited..but-”

“hey you’re perfect fine stop thinking so much okay? we are both gonna be okay!” felix stated as he could tell what the omega was thinking, while y/n watched the screen until it was his turn to apply.

Going through the application process was long but y/n didn’t expect it to go into so much detail meaning how it was promoted to be a ‘short and easy’. He was thankful his best-friend’s company otherwise he most likely wouldn’t even have completed it. Don’t get him wrong the beginning was simple and easy with questions such as entering his height, age, and personality.“Would you like to be paired with a possessive pack?..yes” he began reading the last five questions in his head as they were getting more..interesting. Meanwhile felix hugged his waist with a smirk as he watched the other omega fill out the last few questions, he knew what the omega would pick as they’d been friends ever since they presented. It was safe to say that the omega knew almost everything about y/n. “..remember once you submit this document you will be paired as soon as the same or next day, once again thank you for your time.”

Glancing back at Felix, Y/n took a deep breath knowing they could be leaving in the morning on a flight to South Korea from Australia to meet their paired pack. Being a helper omega their scents had to be compatible with the pack, this would make the helper be able to ease into the pack and do their job. They’re job is to make the packs life easier from the stress of being an idol. For instance cleaning the house, making breakfast, and scenting when needed ect. They would even be helping with upcoming ruts or heats any of the members had, but only if the pack included that aspect in their application when searching for a omega helper.

pov - at the jeong’s den

After finally finishing their performance it was safe to say the pack was exhausted, even when they were unwinding at their penthouse it was a mess. It had been months since they applied for a omega helper, they loved their only omega wooyoung dearly but being an idol made things harder on everyone. Not to mention how getting a helper who could deal with their rather interesting requests and requirements made getting one even harder. Research had proven that having a helper around eased the idol industry, there was less fighting between alphas which lead to a calmer beta. Beta’s were important they kept the peace but they couldn’t do it all.

This was why they came to the conclusion that having a helper wasn’t so bad. Although wooyoung was an omega he wasn’t the docile type. He loved taking care of others but he also loved the feeling of being incontrol, of being needed but being in a pack of alphas and betas made that hard. This is where the problem started, with a dominant filled pack there was bound to be unsatisfied needs. However it was the pack alpha, yunho who decided that they were going to finally apply. The aggressiveness between the alphas and omega was wearing the betas hongjoong and jongho out, so of course they took a vote six against two.

Which brings us to the present. The packs head beta was cooking breakfast when his phone started ringing, “hello, is there something you need?” hongjoong spoke calmly as it was the group’s manager. Their manager’s voiced loudly rang through the phone as he excitedly spoke. He had finally got the call from the company that was for omega helpers. “…you’re joking if you are this isn’t funny. do they speak korean? oh my god!”

Hongjoong’s scent had began to lightly flood the kitchen as he ran from the kitchen to the pack alpha’s room alarming the rest of the pack. “Yunho they found one, i really think this is the one! they already sent us the omegas file to look through were gonna meet them tomorrow!”

Sitting up the alpha just stared at the frantic beta before rushing to go through his emails, as he pulled up the file the rest of the pack started filling in one by one all excited while san and wooyoung stood by the door. “They won’t tell us their gender but everything else is here..” the beta said while grinning ear to ear as he began listing off facts about the mystery omega, “based off their height i think it might be a girl” yunho hummed out.

This news was big for them, ever since the BTS pack was able to find their omega they had doubted they’d ever find one fitted for them. After a long night of chatting and some smart remarks from their omega they planned out how to prepare for the initial meeting. Wooyoung and San had always been against the idea of getting a helper as they didn’t see the need for one, they didn’t want one. They didn’t want some random omega stinking up their place and ruining their pack.

The pack alpha would of course have to introduce a piece of his clothing before even meeting the omega face to face. This was to make sure they liked his scent before even introducing themselves in person so the omega had time to decide whether they wanted to continue or not. The process would be tedious but worth it in the end if they had really found their match.

#ateez x male reader #ateez fantasy au #ateez fanfic #kpop fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez #omegaverse #ot8 x reader

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romanarose · 2 months

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Puzzle Pieces Drabbles: part 2

Ben Miller x Fem!Reader

Fic Summary: You're dating Tom, a whirlwind romance that came at a low point in your life. Within months, you live with him and he's not as nice as he was in the begining. Tom does things that upset you, Benny finds a way to make it better.

Chapter Summary: Tom won't come look at your tomatoes. Based on a tumblr post I cant find.

Warnings: IDK what to call this but it's def shitty behavior throughout. Will progressively get worse during the series but let's start with this. Drinking. Someone not appriciating your excitment.

A/N: This will be a short series of comfort drabbles where Tom does something shitty and Ben makes it better. No smut. I'm at a low point rn and just want softness.

This is my submission for Triple Frontier Write-a-Thon !!! come join in the fun and follow @triplefrontier-anniversary to find more fics!!!

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“TOM!!!!!” You scramble up from your garden patch to where you were tending to your plants, standing to see Tom and Ben drinking on the porch.

Tom turns, looking worried. “What? What happened?!”

“My tomato’s bloomed!!!” You say with a wide grin, giddy with excitement.

He relaxes. “Oh my god. Is that it? Woman, you scared the shit out of me.” He went back to his grilling.

Your shoulder slump a little. “Sorry… I was just excited…” You point to your garden. “It’s just… the tomatoes!!!” Ben is watching curiously, but he doesn’t say anything.

Tom flips a burger. “Uh huh. That’s nice honey.”

Ben asks a question now. “The tomatoes?”

Muttering, Tom explains with a wave of his hand. “She was trying to get the tomatoes to grow forever.”

“So will you please come see them?” You try to get him to come over, but he just looks over the railing.

“Uh-huh, they look great.”

Your hands drop to your side. “Tom, you can’t even see them.”

“They look… so cool” Is he… laughing? He’s laughing at you. You don’t turn to look at Ben, you couldn’t bear to see him laughing at you too. So, you simply go back to your garden, tending to the weeds, trying to immerse yourself in the classical music you heard helps plants grow. You don’t even hear him walk up to you at the garden bed.

“Oh!” Your startle when Benny kneels down next to you, getting in the dirt with you.

“Shit, sorry.” Ben chuckles, his floppy dirty blonde hair falling in his eyes. You wonder if he ever had an emo phase. “I wanted to see the tomatoes”

You roll your eyes but laugh. “You don’t want to see my tiny green tomatoes.”

He is completely sincere, blue eyes shining in the summer sun as he smiles. He has a pretty smile. “I do, actually.” You ignore the flutter in your chest.

So, you show them to him, Benny sounding very impressed as he looks. He tells you how his therapist wanted him to try getting plants to have something to take care of, briefly mentioning that he feels like he was alay the one being cared for. He chuckles when he says ‘guess I’m not responsible enough to keep a succulent alive’, but you can feel the truth behind his words. You offer to help him if he wants to try again. Benny lights up at that.

You want to know what he’s in therapy for, why he feels like he’s not responsible enough for a plant, you want to know so much more about him… but you don’t ask. Ben isn’t your boyfriend, Tom is. You loved Tom, you were going to marry Tom. Ben… Ben was just a nice bonus, right?

***************

Remember, if they dont care about the things you care about, they arent the one!!! someon will care <3

follow @romana-updates for more!!

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction@itspdameronthings @miraclesabound @missdictatorme @rubyfruitjungle @axshadows @pimosworld @casa-boiardi

#ben miller #benny miller #Benjamin miller #ben miller x reader #benny miller x reader #bejmamin miller x reader #Garrett hedlund #triple frontier #triple frontier fanfiction #ben miller fanfiction #benny miller fanfiction #fem reader

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lullabyes22-blog · 6 months

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Snippet - Forward but Never Forget/XOXO - Deceptions

Sevika has suspicions. Silco gaslights.

Forward, but Never Forget/XOXO

Snippet:

"You're not being honest," Sevika says.

"About what?"

"This deal with Medarda."

Silco cants his head.

"There's more at play here," she says. "There has to be. That's thrice she's cornered you—with Jinx as leverage. But you're not retaliating. You're not even making counter-plays. They're more like concessions. It's like you're trying to get closer to her."

"Do I look that foolish?"

"No." Her reflected stare burns through the steam. "You have a history of dealing with people who play as dirty as you. People whose interests aren't aligned with yours. Until they are. So why is it suddenly so difficult to negotiate with Medarda—unless your end-game isn't negotiation at all? Is something happening behind the scenes?"

"Such as?"

"You tell me." She swivels to regard him. "She shows up with no prior warning. She insists on a tour of the Skylight Commercia. You trade a lot of business that could be passed off as banter, and then you take her on a private excursion to the obelisk. A private excursion to someplace you could be seen by no one, and overheard by no one."

Silco's gaze is level. "Backdoor deals necessitate privacy."

"An hour's privacy?" Her chin tips up. "Lock says that's how long you were up there. Normally, I'd get it. You're both talkers. It'd take time to finesse the details. And Medarda's got a stake in seeing this deal through. She wants Talis alive, and the Noxian consul dead without casualties. But to waste that kind of time when you're both on a deadline..." She makes a low sound, halfway between a grunt and a scoff. "I can only think of one reason why she'd be that hands-on. And it's not a businesswoman feeling the pulse of a prospective investment. She wants to make damn sure she knows where yours is at."

Silco's stare grows hooded. "Do I have a pulse?"

"Yeah, and I can hear it from here." She steps toward him. "Something happened. Something personal, and if you expect me to believe otherwise—"

"Is that a threat, Sevika?"

"It's a question."

Against Silco's temples, the tide of temper swells. "I hardly need my schedule approved by you."

"So it's like that."

"Elevate your mind. Medarda and I share a temporary goal."

"You're telling me you're not remotely attracted to her?"

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"It's a simple question."

"It's an irrelevancy."

"Like hell."

Their stares clash. The air boils.

"Sevika." Silco's voice holds a slow chill of warning. "Keep it professional."

"Fuck professional," she retorts. "Do you think I'm the only one asking? Half the crew's wondering if Medarda's got her hooks in you. Because right now, it feels like she's playing you as well as you play everyone else. Like she owns you."

Silco's expression doesn't alter. But Sevika knows him too well for his own comfort. That's what happens when you let someone get too intimate with your body. They can read the surface and parse the dimensions inside. That's what Sevika does: digging past his barriers with a stubbornness like a dragon's claws. There’s always been more to her than her brute diligence. She can be wickedly astute. She can take pages from his playbook, and finesse them into her own.

Her instincts sense that something is awry. Something bigger than Piltover or garden-variety politics.

For her sake—it's best to misdirect.

"No one owns me," he says softly, "You know that."

#arcane league of legends #arcane #arcane silco #silco #forward but never forget/xoxo #forward (never forget)/xoxo #arcane sevika #sevika #sevilco #silco x sevika #silco x mel #arcane mel #mel medarda #melco #snippet

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possibly-in-mordland · 5 months

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what member of dethklok do u think could successfully grow a garden

my opinion (from most successful to least successful):

nathan (his mom totally enjoys gardening and he totally helped out)

skwisgaar (probably has a venus fly trap or something, weirdly enough probably has a blueberry bush)

pickles (only if it was weed, tomatoes, or aloe)

magnus (does the bare minimum unless we're talking about his snake plant, Asmodeus, who he's kept thriving since he was 17)

murderface (probably could only keep a plant alive for the spring to summer season)

toki (would forget to water the garden....he would also somehow manage to kill a false rose of jericho (aka a plant that you literally cant kill unless u set it on fire))

#original post #dethklok #nathan explosion x reader #skwisgaar skwigelf #pickles the drummer #william murderface #toki wartooth #i specify tomatoes in pickles section only bc tomatoes are very similar to weed #if u can grow one u can grow the other

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symphonicmetal101 · 2 years

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The Thirteen Reapers- Headcanons

Inspired by my love: @raccoon-carson /@barbatos-the-loyal-butler :D

Grim Reaper- the original reaper. He used to be a kind and caring individual but after (the dinosaurs were destroyed) humans started to destroy the Earth by simply existing, he was forced to take in more souls, not able to give them each the attention or love they deserved, and started withering from humanoid form he had taken on (as he thought humans were wonderful creatures to begin with) until he was nothing more than a skull shrouded in darkness, taking lives of only humans, at any given moment, to anybody as he has long grown bitter and cold towards the human race. His cave is deep, dark and poorly maintained. Tendrils of mildew claw at the sides, the skeletal rats that accompany him run around on the floor. The candles he watch have a very dim flame to begin with- these are the candles of the worst of the worst in the world. Be detatched as he is, he would rather subject himself to the horrors humans are capable of than expose the rest of the reapers more than he already has.

Reaper of the Earth- they were made as humans began to populate the earth, as Grim knew humans would thrive and another reaper would be necessary to take care of plants and some animals. Having a druid like appearance, they are much shorter than Grim, and not as emotionally closed off as plants and animals do not cry and beg quite like humans do...(they/she) Their cave is lush and green, in the bioluminescent glow that the "souls" of the plants give off. Her cave opens into her garden, where souls of animals and plants alike are taken care of in the little paradise shes created.

Reaper of the Innocent- Grim recognizes that not all humans are bad, not everyone convicted of crime or sin is "bad" or on the wrong. Reaper of the Innocent helps lost souls to where they need to go in an eerily silent way, sometimes redirecting them to a candle to give them another shot at life, reincarnated as something or someone they will have an easier and happier life as. (She/her) her "cave" is an opulent red, gold, and plum coloured room that she's made to feel as cozy as it seems high end. She has almost a maternal energy, and was the first reaper besides Twelve to take a liking to Thirteen, being the reason Thirteen wanted to dye some of her own hair purple.

Reapers of Morality (these count as two despite there only being one photo)- A mistake, much like humans. An unconscious bias worked its way into the design of this reaper as morality was an idea invented by humans themselves, and something that Grim did not appreciate humans trying to take from them. A two headed reaper with the lower body like a snake, faces melded together at an angle, both with compelling arguements over whats right and wrong and why. This reaper meets with souls that eould be going to purgatory, mostly to mess with their heads. If someone manages to trick both of them, they'll be granted a second shot at life in their own body, but the reaper will be watching closely for any false move. They also sort new candles to who they belong to, as its a job where they kind of sit in a deep pit, and sort the candles simply by pushing them through holes that correspond to the kind of reaper they will need by the end of their life. Being the most hideous of the reapers, the isolation was a way for Grim to hide from what he made upon being "inspired" by humans. (It/its/they)

(Not totally accurate but fun to make lmao)

Reaper of Monarchies- monarchies and people of high standing. If you're a shit leader, you have to bribe your way into more life, and spending that money is his way of coping with his work. If you're a decent human, he pretty much lets you set your death date. He keeps making the mistake of getting close to people so when its finally time for them to pass, his player-like personality wavers and he cant help but try and convince them to stay alive a little longer.keeps up with fashion(He/him) His cave is moreso a safe place for him to hoard his money. He lets the rich keep their candles in an enchanted case so that nobody except him can extend its life. Meaning he mostly does home visits :)

Reaper of Heroes and Villains- these twin reapers consult the souls of heros to ask them how they would like to see their villian go. If its one more battle between them like gladiators, watching them be tortured in the afterlife, or simply letting them go is up to the "hero". As busy as this reaper is, they have a lot of souls in purgatory, as sometimes the villain passes before the hero. They have no control over when who dies, just what happens after they die. Sometimes heroes dont have a villian other than circumstance, so in this case the person is just sent to the equivalent of Elysium where the other heroes meet, and the souls of those they love (and get clearance to pass into) can jojn them one day. (Both are they/them) Their conjoined cave is a gladiator ring, which is more symbolic than it is functional.

Reaper of Mourning- this reaper is the most closed off emotionally after Grim, seeing as their work is only for those who die of a broken heart. Its delicate work, and while they will hug the souls that pass that need it, they cant get emotionally attatched without risking their own turmoil. However they find that there is less and less to do as love seems to become diminished in the world as well....they are the only ones who will visit Four/(Janus) and help them with their work. (They/it) They have a small cave, on the wall of a canyon where they can watch the sun rise every morning. Its the only thing keeping them going.

Reaper of Misfortune- She was the youngest for a LONG time. She can be "Ms. Fortune" or "Misfortune" depending on what mood she is in. She as an appearance similar to a small human girl. She causes a lot of accidents and natural disasters as well as small miracles, again, depending on her mood. Its all a game to her, so the souls she reaps she pays no attention to, and they usually wind up lost. Ask her nicely though and she will light up a path for the souls to follow. (She/her) Her cave is set up like a living room. Her "TV" is a peek into the human world, and she uses a game controller to cause natural disasters and to map out the projection. Her seat is a very very comfy couch. If shes not in the middle of making something happen she'll clap to turn her fairy lights on to direct lost spirits. If they try to interrupt her though, she revokes their right to speak, move, or haunt.

Reaper of the Lost and Angry- this reaper was made basically to pick up Misfortunes slack. They dont deal with taking lives directly, just redirected already reaped souls into purgatory, and angry souls to calm down or in an isolated cell. They are also the reaper in charge of counting how many souls are harvested and the reaper that grants permission for souls to go into the equivalent of Elysium. (They/Ae/Aem) Ae dont really have a cave, and just wander around until they fall asleep before getting back to work again. The extra eye and large ears help aem to find lost souls more easily.Hates aeir job.

Reaper of the Home- Willingly isolated himself from his siblings as soon as he could. No matter who he trained under, he couldnt ever push his emotions down enough to be ok with how the other reapers handle death- as in emotionless. Cold. Unforgiving. He knew he wasnt quite what the others would hope he would be, and didnt care for their judgement. Things got a little complicated when a toddler somehow managed to stumble into his cave ;) (he/they) older brother kind of vibes. He loves his family and just wishes they could get along. His cave isn't decorated in any special way, but its always cozy feeling. He keeps lots of board games around. He helps mostly kids to pass on, taking his time with them until they're ready to go.

Reaper.....Thirteen

The only one not born a reaper, but raised as one. Upon months of searching for parents, family, guardians of any sort, Twelve gave up, as the tiny tot had grown on him. He got in trouble, obviously, for having interfered with her lifespan as that wasnt his call to make, but he fought for her, catering to the most human side possible of his older siblings before they relented, allowing him to raise Thirteen as part of the family. (They/She)

Bonus: Life. If there is embodiement of death in the reaper, then I say there shall be one of Life as well. She is just as old as Grim, grew along side him, but as he grew more bitter, she found it more difficult to be around him until he finally pushed her away completely. She/her- subject to shapeshifting though. Lives basically in the Garden of Eden, but theres no forbidden apple dbsjsvfjs

#v talks #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcannons #obey me thirteen #obey me world building

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diabolikpersonals · 1 year

Note

Imagine if one day, Yuma forgets everything like I’m saying EVERYTHING. He doesn’t remember his brothers, his enemies, yui, Karl Heinz, even himself. He will say things like “who are you?” “What is this place?” “Who am I?”. This both surprised the Mukami brothers and pained them. Their own brother, couldn’t even remember them. This went on for a whole month, the Mukamis tried to form some type of bound with Yuma, not even as brothers, just as friends. But their dead hearts would ache with pain whenever Yuma would ask them what their names were. “After all, home is where we are together right?” The voice of young Yuma, wandering in their heads, yet they couldn’t do anything. Ruki would cook him things he liked, or used to. Azusa would braid his hair, Kou would take him outside for walks or shopping. During this time Ruki and Reiji would sometimes meet up, for discussion about the “Adam and Eve” situation. So Ruki within talks, would try to ask him the solution, Reiji would be confused but knock it off as Ruki mocking him. At home Ruki would do literally ANYTHING to try to get some help, seeing that garden Yuma once cared with so much love and affection all abandoned and dying, the plants dying some of them overgrown, he tried to keep them fresh and somewhat successfully make it new again, with saying ‘maybe if he remembered, he’ll be happy’. They all started doing things with the same excuse ‘if he remembered’. Yuma stopped going to school. Eventually that lead to Shu cornering Azusa and getting told everything. He went through a panic attack, blamed himself, and locked himself up, away from everyone, with nothing but guilt, loneliness, blame. How can fate be so cruel? Then maybe after a month, Yuma managed to remember everything, his past, Edgar, Rerie, his brothers, the fire, Karl Heinz, good thing right? nO. The pressure was so much he couldn’t even speak. His mind was blank yet filled with so many thoughts it pissed him off.

[clutching chest] AUHGHH........U CANT DO THIS TO ME...............

it's so sad that the mukamis are like, trying to hide this and keep everything looking normal?? maybe that's because they're still competitors with the sakamakis? they still cant show any weakness? the detail about the garden dying while ruki tries his best to keep it alive is especially sad. once the sakamakis find out, I hope they can lessen their load a little ;-;

but I can totally picture it!! shu getting all suspicious and angry because he thinks something happened to yuma, but he doesnt know what!! shu finding the weakest-looking brother and intimidating him into telling him everything!! shu, who only wanted to ensure yuma's safety from behind the scenes, finding out that something awful happened that he couldn't prevent :'D

and ooooooh the implications.......that all these memories might not necessarily be good for yuma.....oooughghh ouch

#text #shuuma #u guys keep dropping these great fic ideas in my inbox omg u gotta Write Them!!!

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dream-this-nightmare-over · 8 months

Text

Shaun Evans imagine

You can find more of my imagines in my book Imagines on wattpad.

He was down there throwing lavish party in my garden for people who hated my name, pearl skin and necklines in sunlight, raybans, loud music and world i dont belong in he brough them here and didnt even ask me if i am okay with it

He should have known from absence of my smile but he never took time to learn tides of my heart

While i was watchng it all from upstairs window

Curtains flowing between us

Each on one side coming in style banners of silk baby come get your crown when you call me yours don't you know i would do anything to see you satisfied

You are in blue it suits you so well

You dont anymore wait for ride

You made yourself known that you are one of knights here to stay

We are hiding so they dont catch a glimpse

It irks you to see me anything but happy

Smiling in sunlight

It's casual intimacy that we find in every place just one glance and presence is enough

Ed comes stands between us facing the scene

We stand on sides in curtains

Ed knows by now where my heart lies so he isnt surprised to see you here

You are part of family by now

One of meadow royals

He has very important audition for couple of days and he cant put up with licentious youth. Our meadow is not used to souless debauchery

We are coming up with ideas how to put a stop to all of it

He comes in with someone on his arm but still calls me babe after i tell him there is no more chmpaign

You just stand there all ready to be smart and throw snarky remark but you don't because you are lost trying to come up with world in which i deserve to be treated like this

And i see it takes everything in you not to show how much you care but you wont give away our fairytale in hiding

And i imagine myself dying down on pebbles on driveway in midst of party and him crying, his tears on my lips because underneath all the recklessness he cared otherwise he wouldnt start this charade

But them i reprimand myself for thinking that way and wonder if i romanticize something violent only because i have another pair of hands to fall into if i think of death because i can still sell my youth

Should i leave you in memories before you grow bitter and time makes you disappoint me

and

go with sunlight boys into sunrise of masquerade balls and modernity that will make us hate each other even if we cant speak from love we hold for one another

shall i come home to peace you built and step out from behind curtains, free as bird on breeze, unafraid because you are there

and

leave the golden boy to someone else even if it will break his heart that loved me in its own recklessly restless way?

You are apparition transparent mirage of my heavy heart, ethereal promise of days passing but love stays the same as curtains fly on breeze You are mirage on sunny day there but not really there mine but never fully mine because words are too heavy they will sink us before we find courage to reach for the other side You are not him You are more sophisticated you don't throw blame like a bait for end you don't have balls to spell out

In between curtains you are ghost that will disappear if I reach out like particles of dreams I dream translucent stardust I can't keep nor make mine

I am stuck in cage i confined myself to for i hold the key to my freedom fears mean it's worth it i know every lock combination but my mind is lost in daydreams comfortable is killing potential the trill the need to leave please save me from myself give me some of your valour i want to be knight too i know i can be i just need someone to recognize my skill i dont want to live behind curtains with shadows forever i am human i am alive i wasnt born to hide and live out someone's else idea of who i should become

I feel hand finding mine

And I can breath

Everything will be alright if you never stop believing impossible is possible just beyond the curtain of self imposed fears and doubts.

Tear down that curtain and step into the garden that's growing from your brilliance.

#shaun evans #shaun evans imagines #endeavour #imagine #one shot #shaun evans one shots #fanfic #writing #imagines #daydreaming #fanfics save lives #louis hofmann #he is the other golden boy in this fic #dont worry I will write something nice for him too if you wish to read it

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http-eiji · 1 year

Note

Hello good day. Can i ask where to read manga of banana fish. Is their posibility have season 2. Its so painful watching this i cant accept ash died he deserve to be happy with eiji. In manga have a garden of light there. Why not in anime dont have episodethank you..

I've not read the manga in a very long time so I'm not sure where to read it online.

So let's talk about why Banana Fish is never getting a season 2 and why they didn't animate the epilogue chapter.

Banana Fish won't be getting a season 2 because the manga is over and they adapted (nearly) everything. The closest we could get is if a studio ever adapted Yasha. Yasha is another manga by Akimi Yoshida following an entirely different set of characters years after the events of Banana Fish. Sing is featured, Yut-Lung is mentioned and Ash gets hinted at.

If you want more Banana Fish content, there's plenty of side content. There's Private Opinion, Angel Eyes, and Fly Boy in The Sky, which are all set prior to the events of Banana Fish. There's also New York Sense which is an album/art book of all the pictures Eiji took during and after Banana Fish (even spanning after the epilogue chapter, Garden of Light).

Garden of Light was published in the final volume of Banana Fish. It's set 7 years after Banana Fish and follows Akira, Ibe's niece, who comes to stay with Eiji in his home in New York as he's preparing to launch his photo exhibition.

Originally, many in the fandom thought we'd get a GOL OVA. This never happened and, now 4 years on, almost definitely never will.

IIf I had to guess why GOL never got animated, I'd say it was because of:

1) Time constraints

It's impressive that MAPPA managed to adapt a 19-volume manga into a 24-episode show. They were already having to cut and rush through things.

2) Wanting to keep the ending open to interpretation

The anime clearly wanted to keep the ending more "open." Whilst many will say that Ash dying is obvious in the anime too, it technically was never confirmed in the anime. After every episode aired, there was a little relationship chart showing who was alive, who was dead, and what everyone's connections to each other were. After episode 24 aired, the relationship chart changed several times. This wasn't usual. Normally, a new, updated chart would be released, and that was that. This chart originally showed Ash as dead, but later it showed that maybe he was alive.

(You can read the relationship chart here and all the changes made over the course of several hours after the final episode aired.)

Why would the anime do this?

It could be for marketing reasons. For example, after the show aired, people would look at newly released official art and speculate if it showed a post-canon Ash and Eiji together. It could be that someone on the team wanted to change the ending but couldn't because they weren't allowed to. They may have thought it would be better because this is such an old manga and it had never had an anime adaptation before then. So it wasn't important to do the story justice.

I really don't know the real reason, so this is purely speculation.

#banana fish #garden of light #asks

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shallyne · 2 years

Text

I'm fine, just tired

The inspiration fairy hit me again on this beautiful afternoon. There are probably a lot of typos in here, don't be mean ❤️ hope you enjoy

TW: suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt(not in detail, non-graphic) depression, death

What if Rhys died in ACOWAR? A year later...

It was almost a year. Just weeks away until it is exactly a year. A year since the war ended. A year since all the colors went dull. A year since music became just aggravating noise. A year since Feyre wakes up in a cold bed, if she even bothered to sleep. A year of numbness and there wasn't an end in sight. No, not at all. She became more numb everyday.

Even if she tried for her family, the numbness was there. Even if she faked a smile and tried to laugh at a joke that Cassian cracked to break the tension. Feyre was there for them. For every single one of them, to comfort them after the war. She knew that they wanted to do the same for her but she couldn't. It was too soon, she would break apart. So her standard respond became "I'm fine. I'm just tired."

Nobody believed her, obviously, but she had to keep it together. She had to keep it together for their Family, for Velaris. For the Night Court. There wasn't time for grieving. Not now. Not ever, probably.

Her family still was there, offering their time for her, to comfort her. To just be there for her. Even after a year of her declining.

Probably scared that she would do something stupid if they weren't here. Feyre didn't blame them, not after the bathtub incident ten months ago. It was just a second, a second where she contemplated if it would be that bad if she didn't come out of the water, if she just stopped trying. She still didn't know how Mor knew but she was there. Mor was there pulling her out.

Feyre didn't blame them for thinking she would do something stupid after she sneaked in the Spring Court three months ago, not caring of she made it out alive. No, she sneaked in there to make Tamlin pay. Tamlin took him from her, it was his fault. She would make him pay for it. She DID make him pay for it, and she made it out.

A strong wind breeze took her out of her thoughts. Feyre stood on the rooftop garden of the townhouse. She was barefoot, wearing nothing but her nightgown. Nightmares overtook her sleep again, so she got out of bed and walked up here. The cold bit her feet, her skin. Feyre welcomed it, at least she felt something. She dared to lift her head and took a look at the stars.

Almost a year. A year since Rhys died. A year since she lost her mate. A year since that hole in her chest began to grow bigger and bigger.

She felt something wet on her cheek. That was impossible, the sky is clear. It can't rain.

Again. No. The picture she tried to hide in the back of her mind became clear. His Face. Rhys's face. No. No no no no. Not now, not yet. She cant- her breath became quicker. Kitten. Kitten are cute. Think about kitten. No, there was his face. Just his stupidly beautiful face. The face she will never see again. The face she will never be able to touch again. Rhys was dead. He was dead. He was irrevocable dead. He was dead and she will never hear his beautiful laugh again. Dead, dead, dead. Their future was gone. Rhys was dead.

Her breath came out in sobs and the tears didn't stop. These stupid tears. Feyre stumbled a step back, crashing into a chair.

"Feyre?"

She whirled around. Azriel stood in the threshold. How did he know that she was here? Did the shadows tell him? Feyre didn't care, she couldn't breathe. "I cant-" she pulled on the collar of her nightgown.

"Feyre, you need to breathe." Azriel took a step towards her and took her arms. "Look at me, Feyre. Inhale."

He demonstrated how to and she tried to copy it. "He-" Feyre swallowed.

She heard another set of footsteps. Feyre didn't need to turn around to know that these belonged to Mor.

Not now, not now.

Feyres sobbing became worse.

"He's dead. Rhys- He-"

"I know." Azriel answered.

She didn't know if it were Azriels soothing strokes on her arm or Mors warm hands on her shoulder that did it, but she broke. She broke apart right there on the roof. She didn't know when her knees gave in, she didn't know when her her sobs became screaming. She didn't exactly know when that hole in her heart began to hurt so much that she thought she would die. She didn't know when Cassian joined them and she didn't know when they began to cry, too. She just screamed and screamed like that day when she lost him. When she lost her mate. When she lost Rhys.

The realization that Rhys won't come strolling through the front door with his stupid arrogant smirk hit hard.

She weeped so long, she didn't realize when dawn broke. Her family was with her. Rhys wasn't.

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milf-harrington · 2 years

Note

please tell me more about arson and other crimes. I don't have anything specific in mind I just want to hear more, actually wait I lied I do have a specific question. it sounds like this wip is low fantasy? I LOVE low fantasy settings so feel free to talk about how magic intersects with the regular world but also, again, I'd love to hear about anything in general

RORI I AM KISSING YOU ON THE FOREHEAD

so arson is a sort of urban fantasy where there is that split between the world regular people know and the supernatural/magical world - one of the main characters, Jai (he's a witch), describes it as "The difference between the real world and what everyone thinks is the real world, is a pair of figurative open eyes. Once you see, you know."

There's 6-ish main characters: Jai, Ira, Nancy, Orli, Kauri + i guess Seftan

and then some good side characters are: Vince, Beau + David

The basic gist of the story is that theres this group of people who are trying to find immortality, as one does, and they develop this ritual of sorts: kill a supernatural and take their life force before the earth can claim it.

By doing this theyre upsetting the balance of nature or whatever and slowly (so slowly no one notices at first) it begins to affect the local magic scene. Werewolves senses dull, dryads cant feel as much of the bush, witches struggle with harder spells etc and then one night, this evil group picks the wrong sacrifice: Ira.

Ira...who is half-possessed by this very old sorta eldritchy creature that wont let him stay dead.

So they find this guy, drenched in blood and rain (for reasons) and they grab him and kill him but when they try to take his life force theres nothing there to take (the creature absorbs it when he dies and gives it back when it decides its safe to) and the ritual sort of backfires and all the power slams into the earth and sends this huge shockwave through town which is felt by every single supernatural/magic creature and finally alerts everyone that something weird is going on.

The reason this specific group of characters are the main cast is bc they all know each other through other people? Ira is a regular at the coffee shop that Orli's family owns (she works there) and Orli has a crush on Nancy who is Seftans niece. Seftan owns a magic shop where Jai works and Kauri is their magical plant supplier.

So when shit hits the fan (*eyeing Jai* or when the avocado hits the ceiling in some cases) Seftan tells Jai about what happened to him and Nancy, and Kauri comes storming in raving about their garden. Nancy overhears Orli's thoughts about what happened to her family, and ends up inviting her over for the family dinner where they were all gonna discuss what they think caused it all. They decide to try find where the shockwave originated and thats where they find and meet Ira who is freshly back from the dead <3

The story then continues with the 5 of them (and sometimes Seftan) trying to figure out who and what happened, while they commit a bunch of crimes in order to do so. (Ive been keeping a tally, and in literally just the prologue, three crimes are committed/implied, including murder).

some scenes i think about all the time

Kauri setting fire to a pool by accident during a fight with a feral siren

"You smell terrible" "Thanks its the depression" "Or maybe its because you just died?"

The 5 of them crashing at Nancy's house all the time and Seftan just straight up forgetting to tell his husband theyve somehow aquired more children

Them all finding out what exactly the goal is for the bad guys and Ira laughing really tiredly and saying "Immortality isnt that great." and Nancy quietly hugging him

Beau and Ira realising they knew each other when Beau was alive and everyone slowly realising that they have no idea how old Ira is (beau died in the 1880's)

Jai and Ira becoming best friends, like people-think-theyre-in-love levels of best friend even though they dont see each other like that bc Jai is totally in love with Kauri and wont admit it

(Ira's name used to be Milo and i think you might be able to find some old posts about him somewhere, i can try find them and link them here tho.)

How the actual magic itself interacts with the regular world is like,,, dragons owning/running the local museum or art galleries, dryads and other plant/natures based creatures running florsists or gardening services or being landscapers, a family of werewolves running a cafe that lets you bring your pets inside etc

Like, Seftan owns and runs a magic shop that, to regular people, is like your run-of-the mill hippy-like store that offers tarot readings and crystals but to people In The Know its a place to get actual real magical ingredients or information; people in the know will get real answers from Seftans readings where regular people get what they want to hear.

All of the above is just like. The basic info so if you have more questions feel free to ask :DD

#arson and other crimes (original work)#asks #rori tag

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pesterloglog · 2 months

Text

Dave Strider, Kanaya Maryam

Page 108-111

DAVE: you ever feel like our whole lives are eventually gonna end up like this

DAVE: just blasting through space on a sweeps long journey to ""somewhere"" chasing after or running from some vague enemy thats sometimes a god modded pet dog and sometimes your dad

DAVE: without the faintest fucking idea of whats going to happen when we get there

DAVE: thats a little specific but you know what i mean

KANAYA: Hello Dave

DAVE: sup

DAVE: am i buggin you

DAVE: do you want me to leave you to it or

KANAYA: Not Particularly Now That Youre Here

KANAYA: But Shouldnt You Be Asleep

DAVE: shouldnt you

KANAYA: I Need Less Sleep Than I Used To

KANAYA: Less Food Too Which Is Fortunate For The Rest Of You

DAVE: oh right

DAVE: i always forget about the vampire thing because youre already an alien

DAVE: and if somebody tried to sit me down and get me to watch a movie about a vampire alien id be like

DAVE: come on pick a genre

DAVE: except id watch it anyway because lets be honest the only person whod ever try to get me to watch something like that would be karkat

DAVE: and if he can get me to watch serendipity he can get me to watch anything

DAVE: but you get what im saying

KANAYA: Yes

DAVE: rose even told me

DAVE: shit

DAVE: sorry

KANAYA: Its Alright To Say Her Name

DAVE: i just dont want to remind you of that shit if i can avoid it

KANAYA: You Arent Reminding Me Of Her As I Rarely Think Of Anything Else

KANAYA: I Close My Eyes And I See Her

KANAYA: I Keep Them Open And I See Her

KANAYA: Well I See Space And The Corner Of My Shoe Right Now

KANAYA: But Her Too

KANAYA: Shes There In The Glint Of Fluorescence Shining Off The Shoe

KANAYA: And Shes Out There Somewhere In The Sea Of Stars

KANAYA: Which Just Reminds Me Of One Of The Nursery Stories Shed Reserved To Read To Young Broods Of Grubs Back Then

DAVE: oh huh

DAVE: i still kind of have a hard time picturing rose reading to kids

DAVE: maybe a dick thing to say but she doesnt seem like the type

KANAYA: I Understand

KANAYA: Its One Thing To Come Into The Responsibilities Of Adulthood Yourself

KANAYA: And Another To Dwell On Those You Were Once Close To Struggling With Similar Pressures

KANAYA: Growing Up So To Speak

KANAYA: Its Strange

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: so what was the story

KANAYA: Oh Its A Wriggler Story About A Young Prince And The Beloved Flower He Loved And Lost

DAVE: flower

DAVE: like a plant

KANAYA: Its A Fairytale Dave

DAVE: right

KANAYA: A Singular Wild Rose He Failed To Cherish When He Had Her

KANAYA: And His Journey Of Discovering What She Meant To Him All Along

KANAYA: Culminating In A New Quest To Find Her And Win Her Back

KANAYA: The Story Comments On The Nature Of Friendship

KANAYA: And Of Course In Turn Love

KANAYA: How Once They Connect There Is No Distance Or Circumstance That Can Seperate Them

KANAYA: How The Worlds In Each Ones Mind Take On Contours Shaped By Their Memories Of The Other

KANAYA: Places And Moments And Orbiting Passersby Becoming More and More Entangled In The Context Of Their Mutual Affections

KANAYA: Such As With A Garden Calling To Mind An Engagement Once Declared There

KANAYA: Or Something To That Fucking Effect

DAVE: that seems kind of wack for a kids story

KANAYA: Its Possible I Am Projecting Slightly In This Specific Circumstances

KANAYA: It Was Just A Metaphor

KANAYA: But In A Way I Feel As If It Is the Greater Universe Trying To Tell Me Something

KANAYA: It May Simply Stem From My Longing To See Her Again And How Much Is Indicative Of Something More Sinister

KANAYA: She Is A Goddess Of Light And The Only Of Her Kind We Know Is Alive After All

KANAYA: Maybe Shes Wrested Dominion Of The Entire Concept In All Its Appearances Within This Frame Of Reference

KANAYA: Or Within My Personal Frame Of Reference At Least

KANAYA: And Made Them Her Own In Some Strange Way

KANAYA: So I Cant Help But See Her When I See It At All

KANAYA: Whether Its A Star Or a Lightbulb

KANAYA: They All Just Leave Her Burnt Into My Mind Like The Blazing Imprint Of An Afterimage

DAVE: i mean it sounds like you think its BECAUSE shes a god like shes wielding some kind of cosmic power over you

DAVE: but if it was really true love or w/e

DAVE: would you even know the difference

KANAYA: Hmm

KANAYA: I Guess I Wouldnt

DAVE: would you want to for that matter like isnt feeling that strongly connected kind of how youd want it to be anyway

DAVE: i think its how id want it at least

DAVE: can i sit down

KANAYA: Of Course

KANAYA: Its Not My Observation Deck

DAVE: cool

DAVE: sorry i know you say you got your badass monster powers but kanaya you look tired as hell

DAVE: not that im tryna psyche you or whatever but youre waxing poetic in the dark which i guess is maybe on brand but still

DAVE: kinda worried about you sis

KANAYA: You Dont Have To Call Me That Anymore

KANAYA: In Fact I Wish You Wouldnt

KANAYA: It Really Hasnt Ever Been Accurate

DAVE: yeah well im pretty sure rose didnt serve you divorce papers before she left on her fucked up father/daughter rp

DAVE: so youre still my sister

DAVE: i mean you could always decide to divorce her yourself but i doubt youre going to find a lawyer in space

DAVE: unless terezi is lurking in the vents somewhere and now that i bring that up its actually not out of the question so im kind of gonna be thinking about that one for a while

DAVE: but yeah this whole situation blows

KANAYA: You And Karkat Didnt Have To Come With Me

KANAYA: I Know You Have Your Own Lives And Your Own Matespritship

DAVE: no offense dude but yeah we did

DAVE: i wasnt going to let the only family i have left fly off without me

KANAYA: Roxy Didnt Have To Come Either

DAVE: debatable

DAVE: also i dont just mean roxy did you not just hear my heartwarming insistence that i think of you as my sister

DAVE: and yeah roxy is rad but our relationship is pretty fucking convoluted if were being totally honest

DAVE: youre the only person i know whos still basically the same as when i met you

#homestuck #homestuck^2 #dave strider #kanaya maryam #homestuck^2 act 1 #page 108 #page 109 #page 110 #page 111

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steelycunt · 9 months

Note

HI RIDI LOVE!!! how’ve you been?? what have you been up to? how’s reggie? how are the boys in the jar and the boy in the yard? how’s macca the bread? much to think about. love u…

hello love!! im alright!! going 2 see barbie today...reggie is also well he was at the vets yesterday to get some more of his medicine xx the boys in the jar are well!! i made bread two days back so they are enjoying the crumbs from that (holding them with both hands)...and it is surely the nicest time of year to be out in the garden so the boys out there must be alright i dont know i havent checked xx macca is!! well he seems more alive than he did a few days ago. although im starting to wonder just how long ill have to keep this up...he passes the float test at first and then sinks i think that means hes not ready but well i cant do this forever..love you 2 : ^ )

#anon #telegram

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almxndrekitou · 1 year

Text

hmhm

since this is my little garden filled with plants made of my vents and random thoughts i will talk now

ahem ahem

life has never been like this

life has never felt so distant and so close

i cant smudge off a certain watermelon flavored kiss and some sweaty handholding

i certainly can’t smudge off the pain of knowing there is possibly no security to my future

i cant erase the look on his face as he spoke to me about it all

it never felt like this

i feel so alive and so whimsically numb at the same time

my mind has started feeling like the entirety of the universe

i want to hold him close to my heart,

i miss him. i don’t know how much more i can take.

i wish i could i could do a job, earn money, feel good about myself, feel like im a valuable piece to this capitalist world

it all still feels like a fever dream, it feels like im in a deep sleep, perhaps im near the end of my existence and my delusions only have gotten worse since

because, how could any of this ever be happening?

it cant be true

it shouldnt be the reality of the situation no

maybe my denial only increases the intensity of it

and when im feeling like this i normally imagine his hand caressing my skin, it used to be so selfish before but now.

now it feels like his heart only beats for me and it sounds so narcissistic i hate it

but youd believe me if youd hear how fast his heart ran when i kissed his palm

i feel so overwhelmed

and all i can do is push myself to go forward and never look back because yesterday’s locked in yesterday and i have only today, i want to make the most of it

hold onto every moment

selfishly try to contain it all like sand in my palms

its so... weird

i dont know

im too young i think

i have experienced nothing

especially my childhood, i want the sweet days back

but where do i find them?

i feel horribly lost

and unstable

i promise ill get therapy as soon as this all gets better

and

i dont know

but

i like him a lot

and its him i like, not his company or hand or his warmth

i like him

way too much

why does he have to be so considerate all the time?

like jesus im not even that great why do you even want me

and he said to me that he doesnt care about any of that, he said that he wants my chaos

i wonder why

i wonder what he really likes in me

maybe my persistence

i keep coming back and i keep asking things that barely bother me

and maybe he likes some part of it

i cant even look him in the eyes sometimes, i feel all of my thoughts when i do

its kinda insane yeah

and

i feel so cosmic when i touch his scars and his bandages

suddenly all i feel is love and i want to hug him all the time

but thats not possible so im hugging a giant bear plushie

which is practically the same thing except i miss his yapping that i kinda like a lot

but seriously though, i have no one to talk to about stuff like this, mainly because everyone would reply with some sort of emotion that ill end up correlating it to the topic which i dont like doing but it happens subconsciously and ewwdhwdd

anyways so i was saying

sometimes or most of the time i like going on and on and on about things i like and no one listens, everyone reciprocates

he doesnt though

he just giggles with me and listens so well, he just stares at me and listens to me going on and on and on for hours about something

he cares for some reason

why does he do that

i hate him

fucking loser

i wanna kiss him on the mouth lol

#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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