almxndrekitou

[almxndrekitou]

A slave to the rot

How desperately I beg to be seen

To be spoken to

To be appreciated relentlessly

To belong to something

I repeat and slur on my words as I walk home in this putrid heat

Has the rot finally started seeping into my cranium, I wonder

My brain is slowing down, decaying by the minute, melting out of my ears

And as I stare at the stairs, I see the heat really get to me

Pacing my short steps

Pacing my shorter breaths

Tears stream as I recall how I'm not welcomed in my own home

Let alone someone else's

I'm become increasingly sensitive of the people and the places that wished i didn't come here

Like an uninvited guest,

Like the corner-keeper of the party,

I will leave soon

And I will return home

Where I'll occupy my room

I'll hold onto this corner now

Will I be this way forever?

Holding onto what's not truly mine?

As I stare into the bellowing depths of my own insanity

My bed calls for me

A white cotton bed sheet with pink flowers and green intertwining leaves, sun beaming on the lower end, making the mattress warmer

No blanket though

It's summer now

My shoulders ache to drop the heavy weight on my back

As soon as I do

My knees curl onto the edge of my bed

My pillows draw me nearer

Sweating profusely from the heat, my eyes widen as my unquenchable thirst to belong to something grows stronger

My body weakens as I climb onto the soft layers of my bed

I'll plop my vase onto the surface, my head hits the pillow and starts adjusting to the curves of my neck

It

Feels

Good

Like a mother's hug

Like a father's appraisal

The rot grows

It makes me feel like I'm worthy of this rest I'm about to get

For the first time ever

I feel like I'm a part of something

The sheets slowly wrinkle according to the turns I take to curl myself

It feels good

Even though it has no literal sense of life

It manages to adapt to me

It manages to make me feel like

It's not a big task to be involved with me

That I'm not a chore

I don't think any human could make me feel this way

The rot is getting worse

I wish the bed could feel what I feel,

I wish it could as one of my many favours hold my hand with its fabric

I didn't know how badly I've craved to be held with love

It didn't even have to be romantic really, just someone holding me because they have love for me in one of the little areas of their heart

I want to sleep.

[almxndrekitou]

You guys just have to trust me on this one and click here okay?

[almxndrekitou]

The most popular browsers in different countries in 2012 and 2022.

by @theworldmaps_

[almxndrekitou]

It's my 3 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

#3 year tumblrversary #tumblr milestone

[almxndrekitou]

I ABSOLUTELY GO FERAL WHEN BOLLY MUSIC GOES

pa dha ma dha pa ga re ga sa sa re ga maaaaaaa AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaa pa dha ni dha pa ga re sa sa re ga maaaa ~pa ga re~ pa dha ma dha ma pa ge re resa resa re ga maaaaa MOHABBAT JISE BAKSH DE- ok chill

KAISE JEEYA JAAYE??? KAISE JEEYA JAAYE?.. ISHQ BIN??????? NAHI KOI INSAAN MOHABBAT SE KHAALI??????????? HAR EK ROOH PYAASI??????????? HAR EK DIL SUHAANI???????????? SOBS FRANTICALLY

[song - jaaveda zindagi/ tose naina laage]

#hindi songs #gay #i love music

[almxndrekitou]

I love it when people tell me about me because I have no idea who I am

[almxndrekitou]

Warrior

Oh you, I can't start with you anymore I never intended to be so sappy and now I'm nothing less than a swordsman with brittle armour.

I glare at my eyes through my own blade, they stare back, with a look of disdain

Recurring narcissism rings in my ears, I feel the conches wetten with my wine

I fear this wine'll stain the napkin he gave me

It's white

Like his shirt, his air filled shirt

It draped over his body so tiresomely, practically begging to be unbuttoned, to relive its freedom as light fabric

I still remember it all

The grassy fields

His shirt

His... face..., sweet eyes, sweeter lips

I could remember it all

I'm so terrified that I'm becoming a victim of self sabotage

Afraid that he's going to leave

Afraid of losing this battle just like the ones I've somewhat lost before

I say somewhat because...

I am alive

I lost something, I lost so much

But I still have me, myself, intact

What did I lose?

What battle?

I feel pathetic, oh

I wish he was sweeter to me

I'll be greedy on this app, I'll pour my desires, what I truly want from this shell named man

I want to see him glee when he sees I've mailed him a letter

I want him to open the door to our home

Let me in

Kiss my head, pat my back, tell me I've been good

Tell me I'm better

Tell me, "you look taller than yesterday, would you like some coffee?"

Something like that, something unnatural

I want him to pull me into his lap, force me to sleep

I want him to

Force me

To take care of myself

...

Hold me tight, squeeze my shoulders, shake me if necessary, tell me I need to love myself

Tell me that I'm forgetting myself again

Tell me that even though I have forgotten to love myself, he will not

But of course

I crave so much

It digs deeper into my older wound, the gaping wound hollows further

I let him dig deeper

Atleast that's one thing he does to me

Clawing into my tissue, ripping apart my veins

Isn't that love?

Working up to something

You give me almost nothing

Keep me helpless

Keep me running in that field

My knees falling apart

My bones slowly letting go

My sweat flows and I'm after you

Please

Where is your love now?

Please

Is this running your love?

Is this pain just an odd representation of your love?

You say you love me so this must be it

Because why would you lie to me

Ah idk I'll edit this shit later some day

[almxndrekitou]

[almxndrekitou]

キバは　でふぉで おくちにオシマイするものなんでち？

Do fangs have to be placed in the mouth by default?

[almxndrekitou]

Pangur is snug in her winter coat!

[almxndrekitou]

pangur causes so many issues. she expects me to gently scoop her up and carry her to bed at night, where she'll sleep tucked into my arms like a teddybear, but last night I was dying of flu and crawled into bed early, alone. AND SO she spent 2.5 hours roaming my parents house screaming at the top of her lungs. she knew exactly where I was the entire time. she kept popping her tiny head through the doorway to peer at me with her huge black eyes & see if I'd heard her & was paying attention. and when I continued to die from the flu and not do anything, she'd leave and resume screaming like a banshee. what I was supposed to do was get out of bed, find her, pick her up, kiss her on her tiny inbred forehead, and say "ohhhhh poor sweetheart, ohhhhhh," and because I failed in this duty, everybody in the house had to listen the loudest, highest pitched screams a cat can produce for multiple hours into the early morning.

[almxndrekitou]

they are BICKERING

[almxndrekitou]

I love you animal

[almxndrekitou]

if i had a dick i would fuck the clay rich soil of the riverbed

[almxndrekitou]

𝖲𝗇𝗈𝗐 𝖼𝖺𝗍𝗌 ❄️

𝗑 - 𝗑 / 𝗑 - 𝗑 / 𝗑 - 𝗑

[almxndrekitou]

what do i say

[tw! cigarettes, death, p0rn, bodyshaming, in gen trauma]

what is this

harrowing

guilt

in

me

am i

responsible

for it

all

was i the reason

that he suffered

my mind

ill be still like running water

but my mind

ill wander

ill go to places you havent thought of in your dreams

im so

creative

uber brilliant child

yes i am

what a perfect child

yes i am

youre so talented for your age

yes i am

youre so mature

yes

youre so cool

yes i

youre so unique

i love your style

i love your hair

i love your shirt

i love your tattoos

i love your lips

i love your ass

i love your thighs

i love your tits

oh

youve grabbed my ass

youve slapped my ass

you put your... lips on my lips

why

why

why

youre a sinking ship

you dont want help

youre so self centered

youre so fat

youre so childish

youre so annoying

can you shut up

can i sit with you all for lunch

*ignore*

what is opera

what is p0rN

is that a vag!n@

is that

a

nevermind

straight

gay

trans

queer

male

female

girl in red

sit a little closer

she might let you stay

she might wanna kiss

before the end of the song

cigarette

smoke

smoke

smoke

smoke

smoke

smoke

the smell is bad

its horrendous

what was i thinking?

what was my goal?

where did i want to be at that point?

what was my future if things never changed from that instance?

would i have this table

would i have anything

die

die

die

die

d

i

no.

sleep

go sleep

go sleep

go sleep my child

i love

fuck you

i hate you

i miss him

i hate what ive done

i hate who i am

i hate my feelings

i hate everything

sleep

please sleep

please

please

wipe your face

#im back #fuck you #idk how to tag this

[almxndrekitou]

Like paper shall I be folded by fear