#and finally sorting out my cats health issue

[clingylilhoneybee]

Life finally feels like it’s falling into place 🥰

#confirmed that a PhD is likely not possible #bc I can’t afford to live off half my current income #which is a big ass bummer #but I’m coping well with it #I’m in a job I love #that’s letting me pursue my passions as much as I’m able to #I’m incredibly in love #and finding a way to navigate the difficulties of long distance #without staying hung up on the struggles #I have a best friend! #and for the first time since I was little I’m also their best friend #I’ve been limiting contact with my abusive parent #and getting closer to my siblings #and finally sorting out my cats health issue #I just feel like I can breathe for the first time in a few years and that’s so so very nice

[emersonfreepress]

help i'm alive

So! Long time, no see. 2023 was a whole goddamn lot lol

I don't have a demo update to share yet, but that's because I had to scrap nearly everything I managed to write during a very, very, very bad stint of writer's block last year. I hadn't even realized it had been a block like that until I went over my work so far last month and realized it was bad -- like, trust me; a slog to read that didn't even sound like me. It's been extremely frustrating but I've finally broken free of that and it's been easy and actually fun to write again for the first time in actual years. I just hate giving updates that have no actual news in them. And I really had nothing to share other than: I deleted thousands of words and feel so much better now 😅

Anyway, little about my demo plans have changed: I'm still putting out the Chapter 3 demos in Choicescript/on Dashingdon and then will be going dark to move things over to Twine. Where I am in the process right now is... feeling like 35% done with the overhauled version of this chapter and 50% done for the next demo update.

As far as asks, I'm... not really sure what to do?? I believe I've read them all (I love you guys), but so much time has passed since getting most of them that I'm not sure if it's, like... still pertinent??? To go back and answer them?? I suppose some of them like character asks could be, but all the nice messages of support -- that feels weird since I've practically ghosted this blog since August! Idk. Y'all tell me what to do with 'em and I'll do it. Maybe I should make a poll.

Uh... that's really all there is to say regarding the game! I've added some personal stuff after the cut, but if you're done here: Thanks for reading and sticking around. It means the world, for real.

So what has occupied my time all this time? Doctor, therapy, money, and friends. And improv! But especially the first two. There was a lot of non-writing related stuff fucking up my ability to focus and write, so hopefully with my mind and body both feeling a lot better, I can get back to being present and active with the game. I didn't realize how physically unwell I was until last year and it's been like... life-long issues I've been treating. It turns out it's not normal to feel exhausted enough to sleep at any given time, at all times, for your whole life! wow!!

I also uninstalled Tumblr from my phone back in February, so you could say I'm sort of generally focused on offline life. (And what an interesting coincidence that my writer's block dissipated shortly after that...) I also just moved!! The last two weekends have been so expensive and stressful -_- But I can't even compare the old place to the new. We're basically paying the same price for idek how much more space. The cats are so happy; which means the house humans get to be happy.

My schedule is finally freed up from constant medical shit (there was a 3-month stretch this winter with multiple doctor appointments literally every fucking week 🙃🙃🙃). My mental health is doing a lot better -- literally incomparably better compared to where I was this time last year. There's live comedy now (which I dabble in, to be clear lol), but I've finally found myself able to like... balance it all. The physical and creative energy that goes into it all, anyway. The lovely thing about improv is that you kinda just show up and do your thing -- it doesn't cut into my writing time so much as it costs energy. Unless I end up in this comedy debate show thing next month, which I am very excited to give up writing time for

So like... Life is life-ing and I'm just vibing. Or something? I'll be around.

Thank you all again so much for your interest, support, patience, and readership <3

#oh and if anyone knows where i can stream mob wives uncensored without paying any extra money i'd love you forever lol #that is unimportant- unless y'all find it important that i have access to all of my most influential pieces of media at all times IJSAYING! #jk jk ofc <3 thank you for reading #conspiracy in emerson #if cie #progress #cie ch 3

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

My ex is not well. We broke up 2 years ago, but because they have really severe mental health problems, including dissociative identity disorder and addiction issues, they've always relied on me to support them. When we lived together I payed their portion of the rent about 60% of the time, when I told them they had to move out on their own but they couldn't afford an apartment, I let them stay with me. I work in healthcare so I've gotten them resources for mental health services and health insurance to help cover it. I even paid out of pocket for 3 months of online therapy services at one point. As they've struggled with housing, I've found them resources to help pay rent or shelters to go to. They've never utilized these resources, not even the therapy.

We stayed friends, at least sort of, because there were alters that I did enjoy spending time with, even though I didn't get along with a few of them. But now that friendship has completely dissolved. I'm just their caretaker at this point, and I'm barely hanging on. I currently live in a studio apartment, but they were fired at the end of May for missing work. When stuff like that happens, it's either because they were in a severe depressive state or because they forgot with the dissociative identity disorder. They really need to be on disability, but because they can't keep a job, they've never had health insurance or the money to get this kind of protection, so all of their care has fallen on me. So I set up a cot for them under my lofted bed, and they've been staying here since.

But it hasn't been easy, and I haven't always been nice. I've gotten more angry with them than I should have for things that probably allotted some frustration, but not to the level I seem to find myself giving them. Sometimes I raise my voice at them or will tell them they're behaving like a child for leaving their dishes for me to clean or their trash on the floor for me to clean up or trying to make me wash and fold their laundry for them or leaving their piss on the toilet seat and their blood in the sink when they cut themselves shaving. It's not fair, I know, and I feel like a dick about it. I can't handle having no privacy and no space to myself and I get really sensory overloaded by crowded spaces and messes. I don't want to use that as an excuse, but it just sort of happens to me. I've explained this to them, and I've written out rules they have to follow, I have a written and signed agreement stating these are the conditions for them to continue living here, but none of it matters. Their presence is turning me into a monster because I can't take care of an adult who won't help themselves and take care of my patients and be in school and care for a cat in a 200 square foot apartment.

I finally kicked them out a few days ago. They have no money, no job, no friends or family to turn to. I'm the only person in their life, even though I've tried to get them to make friends or contact their family for help. I've even reached out to their family to see if they would be willing to help, but none of them are willing to help them. They just can't care for themselves. It's been two days since I told them they had to leave, because we'd agreed they'd pay me a small amount of rent until they could move out and they haven't been, and also because, even though they try to clean up after themselves occasionally, they just generally don't seem to care that another person lives here, like theyll finish a roll of toilet paper and not replace it, even though the toilet paper is directly next to the toilet, or they'll fill the garbage can until it's overflowing while I'm at work and won't take it out, to the point the the cabinet my garbage can is in will also be filled with trash. And then because it's a studio, they just stare at me all the time. I wake up in the morning and can feel them watching me, when I sit and do homework they just stand behind me and stare, even when I tell them I'm uncomfortable and they have to find something else to do. When I tell them they need to leave the apartment for a while while I work, they slam doors and, when they're not in a nonverbal state, they'll yell at me for it. But if I tell them that they need to, at the very least, put their garbage in the trash instead of piling it under the cot or wash their dishes, they just sit with their head between their knees and won't move for hours.

But at the same time, it's been 2 days since I told them they had to leave, and both nights they've still slept here because they got scared and wouldn't try to get a bed in the nearby homeless shelter, or because they told me they tried to jump in front of a train and I told them to come home so I could watch them until we could get them to the emergency room for suicidal ideation. And of course, as soon as we agreed that was the plan, they said no, they're actually fine, they just have to keep trying and they'll be ok. I work in the ER as a tech, so I know I can't take them in if they refuse to go, and especially not if they'll get there and deny anything is wrong. They play a healthy person well because they've learned the game with social workers, so if I take them to the ER, they'll end up with a huge bill they can't pay, and they won't get any help either.

I can't live with them, and I can't seem to let them leave because of this misplaced sense of duty to them. But I also worry, as I'm telling them they can stay but still getting angry that they're here, am I just inviting them in to hurt them? Should I be kicking them out for their own sake? AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

[duhragonball]

Dang I had a completely different experience with the last two episodes of NGE. I liked how instead of trotting out a bunch of stuff to explain things, it zeroed in on what I saw as the core of the show, which is the emotional disconnect and desire for connection the characters hold and how this has all torn them apart. I much prefer that we got a finale focused on Shinji trying to reconcile his self hatred and fear of connection and his desperate desire for acceptance and love, all of which was made more confusing and intense by his age and circumstances. Resolving that was way more important to me than explaining a bunch of hard details

I totally get what you're saying, and I will concede that EoTV 25 and 26 were more effective at getting to the bottom of Shinji's problems. EoE 25' and 26' tried to go the other direction with the story, except Shinji's still got the same problem to resolve whether it gets addressed or not. I guess that cat photo must have done the trick.

"Well, Shinji, I think the most therapeutic thing you could be doing is putting more cat food in my bowl."

The problem is that the show may be centered around Shinji, but it isn't just about Shinji. It's about his father, it's about the other Eva pilots, it's about Misato and the ultimate fate of humanity.

Like, Asuka wandered off and turned up lying naked in a bathtub in Episode 24. She's in really bad shape, and EoTV just skips right past that to deal with Shinji's damage. Really? Because I think Asuka was in a much worse place than he was at that point. At least Shinji was still walking and talking. I get that he's the main character, but you can't introduce a supporting character like Asuka and put her in that position and then drop it like it never mattered.

The thing I can't get past is that this franchise had two separate chances to put a bow on the story and it whiffed it both times. The first time was supposedly due to limited time and budget cuts, and the second time was apparently because someone broke into the studio and replace a lot of footage with film of people in a movie theater.

"We're a plot point, apparently!"

And it's treated like this is some sort of zero-sum game, like NGE could either focus on Shinji's mental health issues or wrap up the plot threads from the series, but not both at once. The thing is, most storytellers know how to pull off this kind of trick. Most of the time, the events of the story are the therapy that the character needs. Locking Shinji inside his own head seems pointless. If that's what he needed then the show could have just been about him alone in his room, processing his issues by his lonesome.

What boggles my mind is that from the very beginning of the story, it's made clear that this is all about Shinji having it out with his absent father, and yet neither of the two endings bothers to include a scene of Shinji having it out with his father. There's your low-budget, satisfying finale to the TV series right there. Two episodes of Shinji just sitting in a room with his dad. He needs Shinji to pilot the Eva one last time to execute his Third Impact Plan, but Shinji won't cooperate, and he has no choice but to talk it out with him.

It'd just be two characters sitting in a room together talking it out, maybe with some flashback clips to keep the visuals interesting. And while they hash out their issues, they can provide exposition on Asuka's condition, and what Rei was supposed to be, and so on. Again, this is a way to focus on the core conflict of the show, while still addressing plotlines involving the supporting characters. And when it's over, Shinji leaves the room, feeling a lot better about himself than he did before. He's still got some things to sort out, but at least he's settled things with his dad, which was what he came to Tokyo-3 to do.

Or, just put in this photo of a soup can on a public bench, I guess.

#ask duhragonball #neon genesis evangelion #2024ngeliveblog

[cult-of-the-eye]

How's ur um. Horror. Perchance even in comic form

horror comic rant part 3 electric boogalee:

and folks we are back again, i am answering these during my 5 minute study breaks (love u pomodoro) and it is definitely a contributing factor to keeping me going. i love the way u asked this btw

school bus graveyard:

buckle up people you are in for a RIDE

so this is another female main character who is joining my list of all time favs oh my god i love her

her name's ashlyn (ash) and she is so fucking cool, she does ballet, she keeps her ginger hair in long ass plaits, she is horrifically bendy, she keeps cool under pressure, she struggles to communicate her feelings, she low key hates people, but she trauma bonds with a group of people who somehow become her found family, she's most likely autistic (my own headcanon for her but like you'll see)

i don't think its a romance but they're hinting at one btw ash and this other guy (aiden) and its very black cat x golden retriever vibes

yeah anyway so ash gets put into a study group with like 6 other people who are all so interesting in their own ways

you got tyler and taylor - twins who are fiercely protective and supportive of each other, taylor is super emotionally skilled, she is able to get the group to calm down etc etc, tyler is really very hot headed and not very nice at first but then he gets better

it's revealed that their dad passed away and since then, their mum has been struggling with long term mental health issues and some damage to her memory, where she'll periodically forget that her husband died, so tyler took it upon himself to sort of be the adult and take care of everyone

then you got ben and aiden who are cousins, aiden is fucking insane i love him, he is wildly extroverted but in a low key uncanny way, he's constantly grinning and it's clear from the start that he's some sort of thrill seeker who is pretty much doing things for the plot and has no regard for his own safety or wellbeing (his character makes me froth at the mouth)

(we later find out a bit more about his backstory, hinting at a history of depression and suicidal thoughts, and when he "dies" at one point, his final words are "so that's what it feels like" which is AAAAAAAARGH)

and then we got aiden who doesn't speak, he's kind of a gentle giant, he sticks closely with aiden and he seems really sweet (he's sort of the medic of the group)

we find out that he was bullied in his previous school cause he was really into singing even though he looked like a "tough guy", eventually he was horrifically beaten up and then choked, which damaged his vocal chords, so he stopped speaking cause he didn't like the way his voice sounded

we've also got logan who we don't know much about, we know he's the shy, nerdy sort, he got bullied and forced to do other people's homework, he lives with his grandparents and works at their flower shop but he's also an amazing shot with a gun so like...

(there is plot but i may make that into another post cause this is so long)

once again, thank you so much for indulging me, this has gotten me through my studying lol

#answered asks #horror comics

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 9/12/2023

this series not sponsored by murphy's wood oil soap but boy do i wish it was

listening

this song popped up as the first video when i opened accursed tiktok to figure out what the deal was with that german engineer lady digging a storm shelter in her basement. this is the specific recording i want but the second video with a slightly longer intro... u have got to see Abel Selaocoe in motion performing Ka Bohaleng/On The Sharp Side.

i feel like every time i see a video of a cellist they're doing some absolutely bonkers shit and producing sounds i did not know a stringed instrument could make

-

reading

i am constantly chasing the very high highs of raymond chandler's philip marlowe detective noirs. Human Target, a DC extended universe thing by Tom King and Greg Smallwood got real damn fuckin close.

i took thirty-five screenshots while reading these twelve issues. they are such a lush love letter to midcentury advertising. it luxuriates in period-typical stylized coloring in a way i do not see very often. i hope mr smallwood gets sucked silly every night.

one of the reasons for the tuesdayposts is to force myself to look at new things, bc sometimes i find shit i really like. i am remarkably unwilling to consume new things when i am not feeling good, even though new things i like are…not a keystone, but really up there holding together some arch in the viaduct of mental health or whatever.

anyway Christoper Chance is a man with a very specific skillset: perfectly imitating wealthy clients to lure out assassins. he takes a fatal does of poison meant for Lex Luthor and has about twelve days to solve his own murder before he dies. this is an EXTREMELY compelling reason for someone to haul ass through an entire noir novel in less than two weeks.

let's make some comparisons to other spy media i've seen in the last month. christopher reminded me a bit of loid forger from spy x family: same hypercompetent backup plans for backup plans and incredible disguise skills. im sort of...positively? fascinated by him, as opposed to the (also entertaining) train wreck of james bond's psyche slamming up against soft targets for two to two and a half hours. like there is womanizing in Human Target, but it is not the time-filling bond girl eye candy. do not worry, christopher FUCKS.

it is self contained within its twelve issues so i didn't have to read eighteen other crossovers and have encyclopedic knowledge of c- and d-listers from the silver age of comics. it was a very fair mystery. the twists and turns weren’t stupid. i know that’s not a terribly helpful observation but sometimes in a mystery…it takes a fucking stupid turn. most importantly imo it sticks its landing and understands that a noir is a subgenre of tragedy.

how’d i find it: has a pretty cover, stood out from the crowd on hoopla. americans, you probably have access to hoopla through your library!

-

watching

@andmaybegayer referenced the youtube channel About To Eat in a recent mondaypost and i was so enthralled by this man's confident, dulcet, soothing and mustachioed tones. i had forgotten that i could in theory make french onion soup like myself. at home. soup season will not begin here for many months here and even then it's kind of pushing it, but i would like to eat some soup without melting!!!

overall About To Eat's recipes are a bit beyond my skill level and ability to prepare things in one sitting without joint pain but they are a display of competence i find very fun to watch.

-

playing

ive rationed all my picture slots for other slots but i did finally obtain two of the country-specific fishing rods in genshin impact. they were extremely irritating to obtain but i trust you'll understand i'm quite pleased with myself.

-

making

unphotographable things:

reactivating the dried sourdough starter from the horrible woods apartment of 2021, unforch rn it does look like when my cat regurgitates her kibble

sprayed the new couch down with some rather nasty insectide just in casies, it is still degassing in my office with the fan at helicopter speed and the balcony door open and towels shoved under the inside door for another 24h, also made plans to dye a big canvas dropcloth and strategically pin it in place for a cheapo slipcover

coffee table specific unphotographable things:

finally finished cleaning all seven

had to violently strangle the urge to repaint certain inner sections and made peace with touching up the worst of it with an oil-based paint pen bc let's be real nobody is going to look closely at that but me

pried some corrosion off one of the little brass decorative thingies, now it looks bad in a slightly different way

photographable things:

now this is a fun little record cabinet. i haven’t seen many pieces out in the wild that have that sort of vertical bullnose detail. makes me think of thirties waterfall dressers with their molded plywood rounded upper edges.

i can’t decide if the veneer on this piece is starting to really go (it is heavily crackled esp on the sides) or it was once owned by a smoker. the photo below is of the THIRD round of cleaning this front panel after upping the cleaning mix to a HEARTY 2:1 water/soap, and this was not the worst panel on the piece. mostly it really just smells like old wood? i don’t THINK the innards are cedar, bc that would be an odd choice for a record cabinet, but it is an oddly fragrant base wood.

there are some details that make me think it was never a terribly high end piece, or was maybe repurposed into a record cabinet? the veneer is quartered but somewhat indifferently matched, it has very indifferent nailhead finishing, and im not sure if the casters and record slots were later additions. i think the little door catches are original, but they aren’t magnetic yet which starts ruling out some later mcm. i would hazard this was made right before or right after wwii, but realistically it could be early thirties-early sixties. no makers marks :(

i will refinish this eventually. a bit nervous about how the front bullnoses might come out, i don’t really want to fuck around with veneer repair or like. grain painting. that’s for insane ppl and antiques dealers and i am clearly neither

free of ghosts, spider eaten on the house no additional charge with the friends and family discount

#tuesday again #tuesday again no problem

[noriseyebrow]

I'm a bit tired/frustrated. This weekend has just been an absolute disaster. My mum's partner apparently lay on his floor unable to get up all night/day so the cops had to come. I felt sick so called in sick on Saturday, only to be texted by the boss to ask where I was. So now I'm worried I won't get paid. We did sort it out but still. I feel really bad because I'd NEVER just not turn up. THEN my friend asks to stop playing 2 games we play every week so I struggle with my abandonment issues (always do) all I hear is the 'I don't want to do the thing with you anymore' AND finally I get a text from my flatmate to say that my other flatmate/her tested positive for COVID and I take the test this morning and I HAVE COVID. Because her brother went out socializing and got COVID and gave it to all of us. I already have health issues. I think I'm gonna make some Cats 1998 gifs now so who are your favourite Cats and why?

#beardy speaks #tw:injury #tw:sickness #can someone wake me up when the weekend is over

[macawritesupdates]

Hey essay anon here, I got everything turned in. Thank God that's finally over. now I get to relax and enjoy your fun comedy fics. I bet lessons will be super relaxing with no emotional gut punches 😃

*opens fic: it starts with yuuji thinking back to his childhood trauma of unintentional neglect from his grandfather due to health issues and how he was isolated and lonely as a child so he simply began to act like a clown to get any positive attention at all

🥺😢😭

Hey wait that hurts oh no oh god in chapter one he was having sex that he didn't really enjoy its clearly the same kind of behavior just made worse over time oh man absolutely wonderful characterization but also why must you hurt me.

Thank God sukuna just experienced sympathy for the first time in his life. It's wild to think that his brand of possessive love might be just what yuuji needs after a lifetime of loneliness.

Loved the theme park. I didn't even think of gojo, I was just fully willing to accept that the parks mascot was some sort of protective spirit or God or smt. Like that cat who became a kami of a train station, you know. Honestly, it would be hilarious if a spirit like susumu got confused and mistook a theme park for a shine that needed protection.

I'm gonna cry over yuuji taking notes on what kinds of food sukuna actually likes he is the best boy alive.

Ya know what sukuna can have a little over protective yuuji dealing with assholes for him as a treat. I loved that good for them.

Oh fuck yes ending on a high note with some good old fashioned breeding kink and cuddling... wait yuuji sukuna the pull out method doesn't work very well ... guys no this is how we accidentally knock up the king of curses! ... actually... that would be pretty hot 🫣😈😎

Yuuji 's sadness got through and Sukuna felt something and is like I'm going to take the brat to a theme park because that will make him stop being sad and get back to hating me!

It helps to build their weird relationship, that's for sure! Both of them hating but having to deal with the other one has...feelings??? It is a fun fic to play with, def my guilty pleasure fic to write! Thank you for your kind comments and glad you got everything turned in! <3

#Maca answers asks #nice comments make the writing machine get excited

[mcalhenwrites]

I'm honestly a little shaken up that anyone is looking forward to Geckos, Automata, or any of my writing. It's very nice, and thank you. ;A; Things have been hectic, and my goal of publishing Geckos kept getting pushed back. I wrote it in February of 2021. That was a very productive writing year for me. One of my better years in general, which... most of my years alive have mostly made me wish I wasn't alive. So yes, writing productively is good for my mental health! I lost three pets: Sept 2021, Holly had to be put to sleep. Augustus also had to be put to sleep in May of 2022. Mercedes then followed in April of 2023. All of them from old age, but it hurt. Holly's death especially still destroys me, because she was my first cat that I had wanted my entire life, and she was so perfect that I feared I'd never adopt another cat for fear that I'd only be seeking another Holly. And no cat is going to be anything but themselves. (I love BB and Millie, and Millie is clingy with me like Holly but still her separate self that I love so much.) I also had to break up with my partner last year. (About a year exactly, give or take a few days?) I was hurt over and over again and tried to address it, but nothing changed. Then there was the usual stress of my toxic home environment. Lastly, I moved from Kansas to Iowa. Right into a fucking nightmare of an apartment. I moved twice in two weeks because we couldn't stay there. We moved three days before Christmas. Then I had to sort through so much alongside that: banking woes, medical coverage, ID, phone number changes, etc. I'm finally settling into a new stage of life. One with more safety that I'm not used to having. I'm slowly realizing it might not all collapse on me, that this might actually work out. Financially, things are still tricky. Health is still a disaster, but at least I have coverage for a bit to hopefully address some issues. (Not sure that helps, though. I find that diagnoses end there. Actual treatment? The fuck is that. Especially when most of what I'm dealing with is chronic. If I have Sjogren's AND fibro is confirmed to be an autoimmune disorder, that means I have two autoimmune disorders, and Sjogren's could potentially do severe and fatal damage to my organs. If it isn't already.) So. Yeah. I finally am figuring shit out. Things are settling down. I live out in a quiet place surrounded by mostly fields and hills. I've been wrapped up in editing Geckos, and I'm excited. It's time to self-publish it. I've been wanting to, and it just gets delayed. I need to do this for me, even though I'm not quite ready to share my writing publicly. This is an exception, though, while I work on my confidence before I share anything more. I like this story. So yes. I hope others will as well. I hope I can stop thinking the silent thing in my head, where I go, "But maybe it isn't as good as you think it is, and you're making a fool of yourself." (Which proves that I do need to work on my confidence, and it could be a while. But I want to work on it, so that's progress?)

[bardic-tales]

2.19.2024

tw: death. illness. chronic pain.

I am slowly getting back into reading and writing. I tend to bite off more than I can chew, and I thought that an overarching plot spanning all my fandoms would be an interesting thing to work on.

I also wanted to work on several original projects. Unfortunately, my health and family circumstances made it so that I have always been in bed with extreme fatigue and my body hurting.

Over the last two years, we lost 3 members in my little family: my husband's cousin who passed away in a car accident at 17, my husband's aunt who contracted COVID during last Thanksgiving and passed away on that holiday, and, finally, my grandfather last month. My grandfather was like a father to me. Then, as I documented on here during last June, I lost my cat, Loki.

I also have been dealing with very low Vit. D levels. I had a blood test last Friday which showed my levels at: 9.3 ng/ml. I am waiting for a call from my doctor at 9 am to discuss treatment options and possibly further tests to figure out why those levels are too low.

I've been too exhausted to really do anything. It makes sense as I often experienced severe joint pain when I sat and wrote or even attempt to game. I downloaded the FF 7: Rebirth demo and just haven't been able to play it. Same thing for Crisis Core. I feel bad since I want to announce the new work I have been working on, but I just don't really have the energy to.

Author’s commentary:

I have been working on creating a map of the Abyssal Realm for my huge fandom project: Fantasy Worlds Collide. I did create a timeline for the Heavenly War and made it so that the war started due to the Creator Deity forbidding his angels from loving mortals. This was after Lucifer fell in love with the 1st human: Lilith.

This sets the stage for Bianca Moore to love both Sesshomaru and Sephiroth. I love the thought of love condemning her and causing her to doubt her path to Heaven.

I am also reworking her powerset to fit her new role in this overarching plot: the destroyer of the Omniverse. Her powers are consistent to space, time, and interdimensional capabilities, as well as reality-bending.

Her profile will flow better. There is a new section devoted to the space between time where all portals to every dimension and the Edge of Creation is.

Snippet: A drabble I wrote on Valentine's Day.

tw: death mention.

As always, this is my trash draft. There will be grammar issues and sometimes incorrect grammar. It is unpolished.

"Pretty pathetic, hm?" Bianca tilted her head into his touch. His fingers slipped through strands of her dark hair. "You are only one of two men I have ever known like this, the only men I have ever loved."

The sun had crested over North Crater. The tent's entrance flapped in the icy breeze, but she didn't feel the cold on her skin. Bianca held some sort of immunity to the frozen temperatures, which was a very dangerous thing, in itself. Her organs still could freeze.

"Do you believe in soulmates?" Turning in the sleeping bag, she pulled the covers up over her shoulder and snuggled closer to him. The dark grey fur blanket lay over them as an extra layer of warmth. "How can I love you so deeply when we were not supposed to meet in the first place? We both lived in different dimensions and different versions of Earth."

"Perhaps, we are bound for more than just..girlfriend and boyfriend." Sephiroth looked down at the woman in his arms. His silver hair mixed with her black hair. Her left wing wrapped around them while her other one lay stretched out behind her. "You were always bound for the Reunion, Bianca."

"I think you are right. You were under distress from learning your true origins, and I was under duress from my father who had just murdered the only other man I had loved."

Different Fandom Taglist

@starryeyes2000, @residentdormouse, @megandaisy9 @themaradwrites @prehistoric-creatures @arrthurpendragon @serenofroses

#writing accountability #writeblr fanfiction #writeblr community #snippet: fwc #wip: untitled #tw: death #tw: illness #tw: chronic illness #tw: pet loss #bardic tales #bardic-tales #tw: fire #oc: bianca moore - ff #character: sephiroth #sephiroth #sephiroth x oc #canon divergent #canon x oc

[more-than-a-princess]

🎔♫↫ share your Ws girlie

Positive Munday meme - Accepting!

🎔 - What is the best thing that has happened to you this week?

That's a tie between Molly (my cat) getting a clean bill of health at her bi-annual checkup and reserving some more things for my honeymoon! Molly has now reached 'senior cat' age and it's recommended she get two physicals a year instead of just one. They also did her bloodwork and everything came back normal. Not that I thought anything was wrong, but she had accidents in her carrier both on the way and returning home from the vet, and shivered in fear the whole time she was in the examination room.

She forgave me later after about 8 cat treats and time on the heated blanket.

And for honeymoon things, my husband and I finally booked both of our afternoon teas in London and our hotel/park tickets for Disneyland Paris. We still have a lot of train transport to sort out, tickets to Versailles and some museums in Paris, and probably some other things I'm forgetting right now. But those afternoon tea reservations were going to be the hardest to get unless we did it as far in advance as we could.

♫ - Which one of your accomplishments do you feel the most proud of? 

Probably making it to six years at my job (the daily source of my stress, usually) and getting enough experience to qualify for some higher-level positions. And finally getting some health stuff sorted out, including keeping excess weight off for the first time, ever. I'm very thankful to have a doctor who takes my concerns seriously and is doing the tests and prescribing the meds I need to manage my health issues.

If I had to go back further than that, graduating from the university I attended. It is a notoriously difficult school, no matter what your major/concentration is. Some undergrads drop out, many of them seek therapy for the amount of pressure you're under. I'm still in awe that I managed to get my diploma sometimes.

↫ - What is the most impressive skill that you have? 

Gestures at this blog-

Probably sticking with this blog for four, almost five years. Beyond that, it was weightlifting for awhile (until my gym got too crowded and I had a trainer I really didn't get along with). My squat, deadlift, bench press, and snatch numbers were pretty impressive, especially for a woman. The aforementioned health issues allow me to put on muscle more easily than most (and fat, unfortunately. We're still working on that), so heavy weights and powerlifting are things I had some natural affinity for.

Also wearing sunscreen every day, if not a commitment to a full skincare routine. But you know my feelings on the importance of sunscreen. 😉

#more-than-a-princess answered #more-than-a-princess musings #quickdeaths #(Positive Munday meme) #(I have to say nice things about myself? Why you make me do this Bryn)

[gender-collecting-forest-goblins]

I never realised how hard it is to exist with plurality when our trauma isn't really defined as trauma.

TW:Death, mental health issues, physical issues, self harm, body dysphoria, suicide/suicidality, medical trauma.

So like, nan died when we were five, I don't have many childhood memories, but seb was the first to "exist" other than me. Then there's the bullying and masking of autism, ADHD, and the trauma of having a post alcoholic parent trying to be a parent again. All with the struggle of things a kid shouldn't have to deal with that mom didn't know how to keep away from us, such as money stuff and food issues. We lose marmalade, a beloved family cat. Then we lose Monty her daughter not long after. The memory of her being cradled in my brothers arms as she has a seizure from the stroke and falling down the stairs, forever imprinted on my mind. Skip to a few years later, it's gotten to the point where we don't know how many we are, because our mental health has already reached the point of passive suicidality and everything that goes with it. Age eleven, deciding whether or not to jump into traffic before school. We form a protector with no name, a shadow figure. He later becomes void. The trauma of not knowing if I'm autistic was way more present around that time. It got way worse and then of course, we didn't know that autism was something to consider, we just thought we were broken. Never mind the trans trauma of being plural and a traumatized child with trust issues, seeing people that aren't there and being terrified of losing my "friends in my head". The bullying gets really bad. We realise we're trans. We're in denial. We think "Oh what if we just come out as non-binary?" It doesn't go well. We are severely suicidal at age 13, finally diagnosed with autism and ADHD. Hospitalised multiple times from then on. Everything is blurry. There are times where I can recall the trauma timeline perfectly, but today is not one of them. This is all quite vague but I think the protectors are ok with that. I needed to get this off my chest. Many have come and gone. I still don't know everyone and everything about the system. I don't know if we'll ever be diagnosed as a system. For now, I just want my life to get easier. We are in constant physical pain. We have hypermobile joint spectrum disorder, recently confirmed. Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome is also suspected. We use a walking stick just to get around the house. We can't stand for more than five minutes. We're still masking our system from our family and friends. Mom thinks we have a dissociative disorder of some sort. The trauma is too complicated even for us, to explain to her how "broken" we feel. Being plural with trauma that is probably nowhere near what people would consider enough to form a system is exhausting. It feels invalidating. Like we shouldn't be this way because we weren't sexually abused or groomed or beaten or tortured or something. We have trauma, it should be enough. So this is me, getting this off my chest. I needed to vent. It hurts so goddamn much. I'm always fronting. I never switch out unless something major happens, like if seb triggers a switch for our safety or if Kai is triggered in due to talking about a memory I'm not supposed to know about to keep me safe. I'm always co-fronting with somebody. I barely know who I am, let alone the fact of being plural making it even harder. What I do know is that, my plurality has saved me. Even if I wish sometimes I wasn't plural. Even if sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I could remember all of the school trauma and the hospital trips and the self harming and the surgery from when I was a kid to fix my eye that I only sort of know about from void. I'm just tired. The body is always hurt or ill or in pain. We never get a break. We mask constantly. We can't even call ourselves we. It's I or me or single anything. We aren't diagnosed with anything system based or plural based. The only reason I have some knowledge of how our system might work is because of the helpful information from other sysblogs on here. Like the info about p-did and median systems and autism based system stuff. Hopefully, we'll get to a good place mentally. For now, we'll just have to take each day as it comes.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I know it probably doesn't read very well or make much sense. I might redo our system intro at some point. Its kind of outdated now. I hope you have a wonderful day/night!

#autism based system #neurodivergent based system #system #trauma #actually adhd #partial did #grief #transgender #did osdd #plural system #sysblr

[ms-cellanies]

This story reminded me of a dog I rescued many years ago in my neighborhood.  It took some help from a friend to catch him.  When his owner was fired from his job & forced out of his home (because he was dealing drugs) he left the dog behind.  Apparently the other neighbors had not treated this abandoned dog with any form of kindness so he was leery of humans.  Once we got him & I took him in he slowly warmed up to me.  I named him Caleb.  A few years later he was having some issues with his health so I took him to the vet.  He was x-rayed & I was shocked when I saw the photo.  Someone had clearly used him for target practice.  His body was riddled with lots of buckshot.  We had no idea how long ago that had happened or who had shot him repeatedly.  The wounds were old.  There were no external signs of injuries from the time I took him in & the vet said there wasn’t any need to remove the many shots throughout his body.  He was a good & loving dog, although he did get quite frightened during thunderstorms & the sounds of fireworks around the 4th of July.  In his final years his hearing declined which was a blessing of sorts since he no longer could hear those sounds that had once frightened him.  He was about 14 years old when his health declined & I had to have him euthanized.  At least he had about 10 good years with me & my other dogs & cats.

@russalex @angreav @iamthebadwolf85  @catedevalois @maneth985   @ogtumble @amatasera @cricketcat9 @booksandcatslover @fuckdumblr  @ladyoftheteaandblood @sirrah22 @stripedsilverfeline @larouau12 @ughseriously @usearki @ladytuarach @glendathegoodone @lost-carcosa   @aregrettablehullabaloo @micaleann @toasty-hancock @hellcatblues   @middleagedandoutoftouch @sabbykatt3 @cursethedarkness @gretchenk0720  @aliceliddellsmirror @inkededucatednnerdy @pedeka @photoboybg69  @contemplatingoutlander @nildespirandum @izhunny @ladytigrane  @catchester @wolfsmom1 @phoenix-maat @writernotwaiting  @glitterypeanutmugnickel  @captain-krazy @bitchycatwizard @paulfe  @mishlady @dorcascristyforever @beerboy100 @ultimatenutshackfangirl   @lokilickedme @bakufuhakutaku  @a-sundry-bag @prettyhatemachine01 @texmexdarling @queen-of-cats @oshea52   @posttexasstressdisorder  @evieplease  

This is Caleb:

[safert0fu]

Know the Mun/Blogger !

1. Are you named after anyone?

i have no namesake! my vietnamese name is for the concept of charm!

2. When was the last time you cried?

it's been at least a week! i've been keeping it together, i think.

3. Do you have kids?

none! i am instead auntie to a cat (that are not mine).

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

i don't use it a lot and what i do use is not very biting, usually. my characters tho...

5. What sports do you play/have you played?

i was interested in tennis & hockey but my parents wouldn't let me join many extracurriculars. other than that... does rollerskating count?

6. What’s the first thing you notice about other people?

online - the way they talk & interact with others. offline - the way they carry themselves, how they speak to others, how they dress (not in a judgy way, i am interested in personal style in general)

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

i like both for their own reasons!

8. Any special talents?

i wouldn't call any of my skills special. i think i'm good at reading people though! aside that... i know quite a few spongebob episodes by heart?

9. Where were you born?

the bronx, new york!

10. What are your hobbies?

oh gosh. a lot! i would say i'm a 'jack of all trades, master of none' sort. i enjoy crafts of all sorts but in particular i enjoy origami and drawing. i also enjoy writing (mostly rp but some personal stuff as well)! i also dabble in amateur photography.

when i'm not doing creative ventures, i'm an avid gamer - mostly final fantasy xiv, but i also enjoy games like fire emblem, warframe, and shadowrun returns. my romantic partners & i also enjoy & make time for co-op games and tabletop rpgs.

lately i've been dabbling in blender!

11. Do you have any pets?

none of my own but one of my housemates (and part of my polycule) has a cat named duke. he's her baby but we all take care of him.

12. How tall are you?

exactly 5 feet tall (approx 152cm for the non-american friendos)

13. Fave subject in school?

i had several! unsurprisingly english literature was my favorite, but a close second was history (particularly world history!)

14. Dream job?

i dunno. i've always wanted to work in a library or small/local game shop, but haven't figured life out for myself really. i'd simply enjoy something where my health would not be as much of an issue.

15. Eye colour?

brown!

Tagged by @biff-adventurer (thankoo for the tag, ilu ♥) Tagging: @aeniqmata @dragonchants & anyone else who feels comfy enough to do this

#ooc #memes

[icewindandboringhorror]

Daily Log

Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.

Activities: Badly carved an eye into an avocado pit with a nail cuticle tool thing. trying to think of better designs to carve into avocado pits. I don't really have the right tools, maybe should order some carving tools. I hate buying things online eeeeee..

Worked on translating a poem into Avirrekava (my constructed language for one of my fantasy species) so I can paint it onto a tapestry sort of thing I'm making, kind of in the style of medieval illuminated manuscripts? I do not have paintbrushes small enough.

Spent a lot of time thinking more about the story with an investigator tracking a doctor who's doing strange experiments and they eventually become friends(ish) after trying to kill each other a few times, lol (set in my fantasy world though, so magic is involved, etc. It's just interesting to think about testing the limitations of magic and what type of experimentation people would do, especially if you own a hospital or morgue or other scenario where you have access to bodies, or good cover for hiding them, etc. Plus worldbuilding religions in the world, what their ideas of morality would be, what an "investigator" or police force would even look like in that setting, etc. Two jhevona main characters in a city full of elves and the in-world politics of that, class war and royals, pretentious scholar communities and how they'd operate, actual magic combat between two advanced magic users and what that would look like (mixing illusions or higher level spells with minor brute force tactics, evasion, enchantments, shapeshifting, etc.) etc. etc. ).

Organized some of my plants, but still need to replant some fully. Succulents grow SO fast, I think I'll run out of room. Also one has burnt to a crisp during the heat wave last week.. my son.. ToT.

Edited a few costume photos then gave up because my camera is evil and I always have that thing where it looks really cool in the mirror but then the final photos suck, which demotivates me to even do anything with them/feels like a waste.

Still chronic health issue sick stinky as usual, plus it's still warm inside from the heat a few days ago so being hot makes joint pain worse... evil.. no energy. fell asleep on the floor for like 30 minutes.

Tried a new oreo flavor and ranked it on my comprehensive oreo ranking list. Mediocre as usual, but I'm too far in to give up now gghj.. I have to just try them all. A fool's labor.

Notable sights: found one 6 leaf clover, two 5 leaf clovers, and eleven 4 leaf clovers. Saw a rabbit, 3 cats in windows, and 4 ducks. Also at some point I was squishing gum in my hand and pulling it apart and when stretched out it would make these really cool spindly spider web patterns. The sky later in the day was hazy pink, purple, and blue pastel sunset.

Goals moving forward: Wake up on time even if I feel sick when I wake up!!! Focus on more immediate projects, don't get distracted. Actually make room for investing in social time and replying to people even with minimal energy reserves. Stay consistent with physical therapy exercises. Plant nasturtiums. Finish and upload videos, email doctors, edit pictures, post the poll adventure thing that has been sitting in a draft for weeks.

Notable foods: None today, but I have asparagus for later which is exciting... my new favorite vegetable whilst on the stinky Nutritionist Prescribed Special Limited Diet

#I don't know the point of posting this publicly #maybe just makes it feel more like I'm doing somehting or easier to hold myself accountable making a public declarations #of my goals and progress or etc. lol #Weird blog content I think but then also this IS like.. my personal blog so #. technically I can do whatever. It's just an atypical format of personal post ghgj #ALSO the finding so many clovers thing is cool because just last week I also found one 6 leaf clover and a few 5 leaves and a #ton of 4 leaves. I hadn't found a 6 leaf clover in a few years until literally the past few weeks Iv'e found two of them #The most I've ever gotten is a 7 leaf. Maybe just one?? possibly two but I think just one of them. #so I guess the ultimate goal would be 8 leaf. if that's even plausible. #I don't know what to do with them all though. I put them usually in the book with the rest of my pressed flowers and then #move them into a container once they're dried out. I could make more flower arrangement type things (like gluing dried flowers #to a page in a pattern) out of them like I have a few times. Or use them with the wax seal stamps or something #but I have so many.. IF i OWNED AN ACTUal house or somehting it'd be cool to do like.. a Wall #a clover wall where I just post them up everytime I've collected some. and see if I can fill the whole wall over time #One day ... if I can ever be successful at the Game Of Resources And Capitalism enough to have a modest little #home in like.. Scotland or canada or something... I can finally paint walls and do interesting things #REALLY have always wanted to have a cloud mural on the cieling of a room or etc. #aNYWAY.... #any other Clover Hunters out there.. tell me what you've found. the mythical 8 leaf?? or anything idk. #avocado pit carving tips. tell me what you thought about the Black Out Cake oreo flavor. etc. etc. hgjhghjb #daily log

[warmaiidens]

𝐼𝑛𝑏𝑜𝑥 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑓𝑜𝑟 : 𝐸𝑣𝑖𝑜𝑟. 𝐹𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑢𝑠𝑒 : 𝑅𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑣𝑖. 𝑆𝑡𝑦𝑙𝑒 𝑜𝑓 𝐼𝑛𝑏𝑜𝑥 𝑐𝑎𝑙𝑙 : 𝑢𝑛𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑚𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑑

≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾ ≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾

A storm was raging outside, the sound of the thunder even made Randvi twitch a bit. A rather nasty storm had blown in sometime after early evening - leaving many of the folk in town uneasy. Chewing on her bottom lip, while leaning against the entrance door frame. Her gaze took in the sights of dark gray clouds, which shifted between deep ebony - lighting flashed above once more. Another twitch and her teeth sank more into her bottom lip, sucking on the flesh a bit. Her arms were currently crossed, fingers digging into the furs on her night shirt. “ Eivor, “ mused the woman quietly, the other had gone out on a raiding and yet to return. Worry was an unwelcome issue - which was currently clawing at her mind, making her stomach knot something nasty. 

Shaking her head a bit slowly, as she tried to relax herself. The other woman was a strong warrior, and would come home to her. This silly worry would need to leave, but no matter how she thought of this. It clawed and ripped at her mind, leaving her exhaling shakily. “ Dammit, “ cursed the woman quietly once more. Before she shoved herself off the door, heading out into the storm. Less than a couple moments later she was soaked and heading to the dock. She’d wait there - health be damned at the moment. She had to see if the other was okay and home safely. 

Less than an hour later - she saw the boats coming back, and her lover standing tall. Smiling slowly in relief long since needed, as she raised her hand so she could wave. Shivering some as she sniffled quietly. Well… dammit.

Eivor had tried to get the longboat back before the storm, she watched it coming over the horizon; dark clouds foreboding and threatening a dark evening into the morning hours no doubt. Yet no matter how quickly they moved after the raid; packing up the gold and silver, food and supplies to increase the town of Ravensthrope; the storm hit them. Thundering booms of Thor's hammer echoed in the air and flashing of lightning rippled through the air. "We're almost home, crew. Stay clear of the mast, in case Thor's lightning hits the wood," Eivor echoed as the crew kept to the side, and Eivor held onto the edge, keeping an eye forward.

after an hour, there was finally a view of the town. "Home!" Eivor shouted as the crew cheered. The longships moved up toward the docks and Eivor realized there was someone else waiting there. "Randvi," Eivor shouted past the booming thunder that hit in a rumble and she climbed onto the deck while the longboat was tied up. "Unload the gear, quickly. Do not worry about much else, take it to the drengr house; we'll sort it out tomorrow," Eivor said, waving her hands and getting them to move quickly.

"Randvi, come, let's get you out of the rain," Eivor encourage, guiding her back to the longhouse where she would be warm once more. "You should have stayed inside, it's too cold and wet to be out here," Even Eivor was ready to get out of her cold gear; she hated to be as soaked as this. Her body always went on edge like a cat running through the rain. Once inside, she grabbed the doors and pulled them shut, and looked back to Randvi as she placed her hands on her shoulders. "Come, my love, let's both get out of these wet clothes and get warm once more," -- [ @thecs ]

#thecs #eivor interactions . ― . ᛖ #eivor assassin’s creed valhalla . ― . ᛖ #eivor answers . ― . ᛖ