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effymaybe · 3 years

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Might buy, might bite

Lisa is having a terrible night. She makes some poor decisions, unaware of a certain creature awaiting in the dark. -

Vampire!Jennie because it is not Halloween but vampires are always cool.

Pairing: Jennie/Lisa

Warnings: Mature content but the sexy kind / Vampires are not known by establishing ideally healthy relationships on the first try / I haven’t written in months and you CAN notice

The night is unusually dark.

The few stars above palpitate almost painfully, and the darkish clouds invisible against the black mattress of the sky become only evident as they engulf the full moon in a loose hug. The contrast creates a faint, somber light that coats the quiet neighborhood as in a silent spell, and the yellowish glow of the few artificial lanterns surrounding the street only contribute to the mysterious vibe of the otherwise familiar landscape.

The absolutely rational portion of Lisa’s brain knows very well that a woman should never walk alone at night. She also knows, stored along other probably-live-saving hacks, that in case of finding herself indeed walking alone at night, she should never ever choose a lonely, poorly illuminated shortcut to reach her destination.

Now, although Lisa’s rationale works quite well, her emotional side couldn’t give less a fuck about surviving.

And that’s how she finds herself walking-running-crying throughout the most dangerous way home.

Her overly-expensive makeup is intact, thankfully, but the tight white dress she chose to impersonate an angel at that damn Halloween party is crumbled everywhere. Her long, black hair is quite messy, but at least her bangs are still in place. She’s running in her heels, much at the sake of her feet, and the ridiculous white wings she was so proud about just three hours ago hit softly against her back as she rushes to burry herself under a billion mattresses.

It’s pitiable, really, how he manages to break her heart in more and more pieces every time she decides to put it back into his hands.

It’s pitiable, too, how every single person she knows manages to betray her at least once.

Lisa stops in her tracks, feeling her long legs weakening suddenly. A ragged sob escapes from her plump lips as she brings her hands up to contain the tears spilling mercilessly from her eyes.

It was supposed to be a fun, happy party to celebrate that the big group of whatever they mean with “friends” could finally gather together after a long time of isolation. She prepared herself along with the girls, her own doe eyes shining in poorly-hidden excitement. She laughed genuinely at the questionably-mannered comments about her costume, drank a bit of rosé even before they got to the gathering. Once there, her boyfriend dedicated her a crooked, cocky smile and grasped her roughly by the waist in what Lisa considered a sign of appreciation. They danced and they drank alcohol. At some point, the brunette thought that her partner was going to kiss her, but he merely hugged her stiffly every time Lisa stared into his eyes.

Then, time passed and he disappeared. Lisa’s so-called friends spread throughout the place to dance without her. Her feet started to hurt and the party got uncomfortably warm. She looked for him with her doe eyes lost under the flashing lights until she decided he wasn’t on the gigantic living room.

Then, she looked upstairs.

And she heard the moans even before she actually saw something.

Lisa didn’t want it to be her boyfriend. Her hands shook as she merely pushed the half-closed door completely open. She stared with her heart already weeping as the man that had promised her never to hurt her again twice engaged quite passionately in a much intimate activity with a girl who, amidst the dirty blonde hair covering her face, looked quite familiar.

It only took Lisa two seconds.

Her boyfriend was fucking her best friend.

Lisa ran downstairs, crying, ignoring her now ex-boyfriend’s weak protests and her ex-best-friend’s voice basically begging him to forget her and come back to bed. When she found to her group, or what she could gather of it, with her eyes already filled with tears, the simply told her that of course they knew and that she was kinda stupid not to notice, really.

Lisa bolted out of the party with her usually sunny spirit completely shattered.

Which brings her to her current situation, still sobbing desperately as the alley she is walking through gets gloomier and gloomier.

Fuck him. Fuck them, too. I deserve better. I deserve-

She catches a weak, airy sound with her left ear.

Lisa turns around suddenly sober and suddenly very much aware of the fact that she got herself in quite a disadvantageous situation.

The night got warmer, somehow. The moonlight has given up under the insisting obscure clouds.

Lisa feels the cold shiver of pure fear shooting through her spine and relaxes only slightly when she cannot spot anybody around the place.

She swallows thickly as she starts to walk faster, her footwear clicking on the pavement almost as if giving her in.

The brunette feels wired in, hyperaware. The fain sound of the wind makes her shoulders tense. She catches a quick shadow with the corner of her eye and only gets more nervous when she can still see nothing.

The narrow space crooks at some point, and Lisa inhales deeply.

She can do it.

She will walk straight home and gather plenty of strength and call her stupid ex-boyfriend to tell him-

But she cannot keep walking.

As her slender body submerges more profoundly into the darkness of the night, a strong grip pushes her against the rough, cold wall of the alley. She fights back, absolutely terrified. Her heart hammers painfully against her choked chest, and she feels the tingles of pure adrenaline strengthening her arms.

And yet, the grip remains solid.

Lisa thinks about shouting, crying, breaking down in a loud wail hoping to be rescued. Just then, with her voice already reaching her throat, she realizes that the figure keeping her in place is slightly shorter than her.

Feminine, surprisingly delicate.

Lisa can’t scream.

Her eyes search widely the ones of her captor, absolutely dumbfounded, and it is at that moment when the moon can finally push the disturbing darkness away from its light.

As the alley gets brighter, Lisa is left absolutely breathless.

Just in front of her, with both hands immobilizing her body completely, stands the most beautiful girl Lisa has seen in her entire life.

Her face is soft, but cut sharply by prominent cheekbones. Her eyes, dark as the silent sky, are drawn in a cat-line shape that makes her gaze simply melting. Her nose is delicate, small, and her indented philtrum leads to luscious, curved lips. Her forehead is half-covered by open bangs, and her light-brownish hair falls in irresistible waves against her soft jaw. Her dress, tight, black, and visibly expensive, exposes prominent collarbones and a set of curves that should be illegal for a single woman to have.

Lisa only realizes that she’s staring when she hears a soft teasing chuckle.

“Well, hello, honey”.

The brunette presses her lips together in a nervous habit. The girl’s voice is sultry, tempting.

She finds herself struggling for a few seconds before answering.

“Huh- Who…? What…?”

The beauty in front of her licks her mouth almost as if gloating. Her grip remains stoic.

“Who are you, honey?”

Lisa feels somewhat offended. She tears her astonished gaze away from the girl’s face to focus on trying to escape.

“No, who are you? What is this? Let me go!”

She tries with all her will, but the light-brunette’s grip does not give in.

There is something… wrong with it. Cold. Too steady.

It feels like she’s struggling against iron.

Another chuckle heats up her cheeks.

“I’m Jennie”, she hears, and Lisa stops fighting for a moment, “There is no need to be so rude. I was just trying to put a name on my next meal”.

The tallest girl scoffs loudly but grows quiet at the girl’s determined expression.

Jennie doesn’t sound like she’s joking.

“You smell so good”, the shortest girl murmurs. Lisa can’t move. She’s suddenly scared again, as her brain tries desperately to put some of the pieces of all that nonsense together. “Let me….”. The light-brunette shifts, burring her face bluntly against her neck. Lisa is still terrified, really, but Jennie’s chilly breath against her skin rises pleased goosebumps here and there.

The shortest girl runs her nose up her prey’s throat, absolutely delighted.

“Oh, sweetie, you smell fantastic. Fuck”.

Lisa trembles as her skepticism falters.

“Oh my god. Oh my god. What the hell are you?”

She hears a delicate, throaty chuckle vibrating against her pulse point.

Lisa’s knees give in further, somehow.

She tries earnestly to remind herself that the serious possibility of getting murdered in the same night she found her boyfriend having sex with her best friend should not be sexy at all.

“You know the answer, already, cutie. Don’t you?”

Jennie pulls away to lock her gaze with Lisa’s again. There is a predatory glint, a paralyzing edge that makes her cat-like eyes seem as if they could pick on every piece of the tallest girl’s soul.

“I… yes. No, I mean…. You don’t exist. This can’t be”.

The shortest girl’s lets a perfect eyebrow curve in a teasing manner. Lisa can tell that she’s plenty enjoying whatever sick pre-murder game she’s playing. She’s beautiful, the dark-haired girl thinks helplessly. Stunning. Jennie’s luscious mouth spreads in an open, gummy smile that would look adorable if it wasn’t for the –absolutely threatening and not at all attractive- sight of her pointy fangs in display. Lisa manages to stop staring at the girl’s reddened lips to focus on her intense orbs once again, and she lets out a breathless gasp when she sees deep coffee turning into bloody red.

“I do very much exist, gorgeous. And this definitely can be. I wasn’t even going to hunt today, but…” Jennie brings mouth closer to Lisa’s jaw. “Your scent… I had to have you”.

Jennie is not exactly courting. She’s more like being a blood-thirsty, all-powerful, over-intense vampire. Yet, Lisa finds herself blushing like a damn idiot. She knows, at a relatively conscious level, that the smoking light-brunette is just speaking about the very much needed liquid that runs through her veins and not about her whole physique.

She’s about to be Jennie’s next meal. And as the vampire´s fingers indent more profoundly in her skin, she discovers that there is no way out.

So she stays, somewhat embracing her destiny. Her ex-friends are shit. Her ex-boyfriend is shit. Her father is shit. She doesn’t really know whether her mom is shit or not because she abandoned when she was a child so- well that probably makes her shit, too.

At least she’ll die at the hands of a gorgeous woman.

Meanwhile, Jennie’s stare has changed. Deep red has settled in her orbs, but now she’s staring at Lisa’s features with scrutinizing detail. Her head is tilted. The tallest girl can see the delicate mole sitting just above her left eye. Her aura is intense, and definitely hypnotizing, and the brunette finds out that she has stopped fighting against the vampire’s embrace long minutes ago.

“You are so beautiful, sweetheart”, Jennie murmurs suddenly, and lets the pad of her index finger run softly against Lisa’s forehead, then the bridge of her nose, her pouty lips, her strong jaw. The tallest girl trembles, finding it difficult to draw deep breaths. Jennie’s touch is icy against her overly-heated face and it feels so nice, so charming. “So beautiful, baby. Tell me your name”.

And Lisa doesn’t even put up a fight.

“Lisa…Manoban”.

“Mmh, we’ll see that”, Jennie answers, and licks her lips as she traces her blunt nails against her prey’s throat. “You are so enticing, darling”, then, as an afterthought, Jennie brings her gaze up to Lisa’s mouth, “I bet you have an owner already… well… that’s not my problem, really”.

A twisted smile crawls up Jennie’s smug expression, and the brunette scoffs loudly.

“I do not have-”, her voice falters as the vampire’s starts to trace messy patterns up and down her thigs, “An owner. I mean, nobody does. It is not-”, the shortest girl’s nose dips back into her neck, “It doesn’t work like that”.

She feels another cold chuckle pressing against her skin.

“Fine, then. A boyfriend? A girlfriend? A partner?”

Lisa opens her mouth to answer. She’s about to be dismissive, really. If the vampire is really about to suck her dry, there is no need for her to put her fingers inside such a hurtful open wound.

But she can’t speak. She feels her lungs aching for air as Jennie starts to drag her velvety lips against her racing pulse point.

“I asked you a question”, she hears up her jaw, “Do you have a partner, Lisa?”. Jennie’s left arm squeezes Lisa’s small waist firmly, demanding. The tallest girl feels hazy as the vampire leaves open-mouthed kisses along her exposed skin.

“I- no. No, he… he cheated on me”.

Lisa guesses that the mere thought of the past events in the night should make her feel profoundly depressed. It’s actually kind of hard to think properly with the vampire’s sweet scent engulfing her senses.

Jennie stops suddenly, and the tallest girl feels irrationally disappointed.

“Is that why you were crying?”, the shortest girl asks, her red eyes- now more threatening than ever- burning into Lisa’s doe stare.

“I… how long have you been-”

The light-brunette frowns as her mouth curls downwards.

Lisa realizes that the girl likes her answers straight.

Well, damn.

“Since you left that stupidly loud party. What a waste of time for a beauty like you”.

The brunette is left speechless. She stares at the shortest girl with slight surprise. She doesn’t really know what a cold-blooded vampire that clearly has her under her entire disposition could win by such a display of sensibility.

Then, something changes. The light-brunette smirks once again, as if empowered, her aura shifting towards something dangerous, irresistible. Her soft hands start to run up and down Lisa’s body slowly, grazing the underside of her breasts, and the tallest girl cannot even think about the fact that she could try to run away once again.

“Don’t you see, sweetie?” Jennie murmurs deceiving against the skin of her neck, “Don’t you see that I could treat you so well?”.

The vampire inhales deeply just pressing against her prey’s pulse point, as if trying to contain something extremely forceful. “I could make you feel so good, baby, so good”. When Jennie’s hands reach to palm her breasts gently, Lisa gives up. She closes her eyes, powerless, and her mouth falls open as the shortest girl licks along her jawline, now exploring her back. “I love this”, the brunette hears vibrating against her ear, and it takes her a moment to realize that Jennie is talking about the damn wings, “They look cute. It was so fun following you around”.

“Oh my god”, Lisa breathes, and the shortest girl smiles against her neck.

The moon shines brightly now. The shadows of the night highlight Jennie’s acute features almost dangerously. There is a faint scent, hers, all hers, that clouds Lisa’s thinking. When she feels a firm, naked leg parting her own thighs, the tallest girl can’t help but to throw her head back in a spur of delight. The firm pressure against her moisty heat sends her into a frenzy.

“You are so beautiful baby. All for me. You just have so say yes”.

Lisa’s dizzy judgment wonders why would a vampire need permission for something that she can take so easily.

When Jennie starts to suck reddish spots on her sensitive skin, the brunette can hardly gather another thought.

“Say yes, beautiful. Let me taste you”. The vampire nibbles at Lisa’s velvety throat with her front teeth, soft at first and more insistently due the lack of response. A needy groan goes past Jennie’s lips as the tallest girl’s flavor falls onto her tongue. “Fuck, sweetie. Come on. Say yes. Give in, Lisa”.

Jennie uses her strong hands to guide the tallest girl’s waist so she can ride her leg in a steady pace. The dirty mewl that breaks off Lisa’s throat should be enough, but she knows that the vampire wants straight answers and she would give her anything, anything she wants just to keep up with the pleasing friction.

“Yes”, she lets out in a moan, feeling her body pleasingly trapped between the vampire’s strong body and the rough wall. “Yes, yes, oh-”.

Jennie doesn’t want any longer. She doesn’t think she can actually. The smell of Lisa’s thick blood now combined with her raw wetness unveil an animalistic nature she tried to keep at bay. She drags her piercing fangs along the brunette’s neck once, just to tease her a bit further, before actually biting down in pure need.

The taste alone almost gets her off.

It’s delicious, succulent, rich, even more addictive than she expected.

Jennie has never stopped herself from drinking blood, whether fresh or packed, whenever she needed it. She has been in it for centuries, damn it, and yet Lisa’s tangy-sweet savor is something her now gleeful taste buds have never experienced.

The vampire smiles in an almost sick euphoria as she feels the thick liquid spilling here and there. She alternates between sucking earnestly and lapping in a happy delirium, and feels the girl against her getting desperate to speed up her delicious motions.

For Lisa, it was brief pain, the feeling of sharp needles piercing through her skin.

And then, pure, consuming bliss.

She didn’t even know it could feel like that. It probably can’t, in normal conditions, but she is not even able to consider it properly properly with her clothed core grinding wet against Jennie’s bare thigh.

“Fuck, baby. You are the most exquisite thing I’ve ever tried”.

Lisa hears the vampire’s words coming in short gasps. It turns her on even further. Everything feels so nice, so damn right that she can’t bring herself to care anymore. When Jennie tongues the fresh wounds in her throat, she clenches hard.

“Such a good girl, Lisa. All mine”.

The brunette feels the vampire’s tongue deep inside her mouth before she realizes that she’s moving. A tang of copper combines with a cherry-like flavor that can only be Jennie’s. She mewls against the shortest girl’s mouth, her eyes shut closed as she takes in the relentless waves of pleasure that shoot through her body.

Lisa begins to thrust in abandon. She wants to thank Jennie for helping her find the perfect pace with her steady hands. She wants to thank her for making her feel so, so fucking good. She wants to be perfect for her at that moment and offer, just offer it all. A burning fire sets low, and it grows impossibly grand. She feels it tying and tying and she wants to cry out in desperation. She pleads right against the vampire’s demanding lips.

“Please, please… Please, Jennie”.

She doesn’t even know what she’s asking for, but the light-brunette does. With just a flicker of her wrists, Jennie changes the angle of Lisa’s thrusts. The shift hits perfectly, just there, all that the brunette needed, and she hears as the occasional moans she can’t help but to let out when Jennie releases her swollen lips get increasingly louder.

“It’s okay, sweetheart”, the vampire sucks in her tongue just for another moment, “Come for me. Show me, baby. I want to see it all”.

Lisa does not need any more convincing.

As if wired to Jennie’s firm orders, her body lets go in a powerful release that has her high for a few minutes. When she comes down, she feels Jennie’s lips catching a few tears of pure overstimulation falling from her eyes.

She is panting, damp, and incredibly exhausted, she gathers both because of the astonishing peak and the non-incidental loss of blood. Her head falls almost shyly on top of the shortest girl’s shoulder, but the vampire seems completely unbothered by the gesture.

She keeps holding her, waiting. Her hands run through her back almost soothingly, and then begin to fix her clothes in a surprising display of care. When Jennie’s knuckles graze against her underwear, Lisa jolts and whimpers a half-serious complaint.

The vampire smiles.

“You did so well, beautiful”, Lisa feels soft pecks pressed against the skin of her neck, “but I think you ruined your panties”.

The brunette allows herself to chuckle before inhaling deeply.

It’s clearly over.

A shiver of fear runs through her spine but there is not much else to do. She knows that there is no point in even trying to run away. She’s not even sure of being able to stand without Jennie’s anchoring arms.

“Are you… gonna kill me now?”

Lisa feels as the vampire detaches herself slowly from her body.

Her heart starts to beat furiously against her chest.

It’s truly over isn’t it?

She makes an effort to meet Jennie’s intense gaze with hers. When she finds pure confusion in a renewed coffee tone, she doubts her own words, too.

“Kill you, darling? What are you talking about?”

Lisa hesitates for a moment.

“Huh, since you are… a vampire and all”.

Brief recognition illuminates Jennie’s expression to then be replaced by an almost edged amusement.

“Oh, baby”, she murmurs, and uses her knuckles to caress the tallest girl’s features almost reverently, “You really thought I would kill you? And deprive myself from a gorgeous human like you? Absolutely not. I’ve been looking so long to find someone exactly like you. And now that I have…” her fingers grasp the brunette’s chin, forcing their stares to melt, “you are mine, Lisa. And I take care of what belongs to me”.

The tallest girl opens her mouth, stunned. She figures she should feel furious.

She’s mostly in disbelief.

“But…”

“You already said yes, cutie”, Jennie giggles. She looks so young, suddenly mischievous, happy with herself. “I have already marked you. There’s no way out”.

Again, Lisa figures she should feel furious.

She’s mostly… considering.

“I’m going to take you home now”, Jennie tells her, and eyes Lisa’s neck in a bust of pride. “I promised the girls that I was going to take a human someday. They’ll be ecstatic”.

“The girls?”, Lisa mumbles. She feels Jennie’s hand grasping hers, pulling her in, dragging her somewhere.

Her feet follow as if in a spell.

“Rosé and Jisoo. They are getting bored, I guess. It’s been only us three for centuries. They could use some new company”, there is a pause, “as long as I make their boundaries really clear”.

“Boundaries?”

Lisa is lost, but not completely. There is something growing in her chest. A warm, fuzzy feeling.

“I don’t share, Lisa”.

“Oh”.

They stay in silence for a few seconds. Jennie analyzes Lisa’s expression carefully. Her hold is firm and cold, yet somewhat tender. The tallest girl simply waits. There is no need to make a decision. She feels her own limbs going back to a relaxed, pleased position.

“Ready, darling?”

Jennie is testing her. In response, Lisa licks her lips. The faint taste of iron and strawberries makes her smile.

“Yes, I am ready”.

Jennie’s eyes light up in silent happiness only to turn deep brown again.

“Perfect. Let’s hurry up. I’m dying to taste the rest of you”.

Lisa wonders if she’ll get to sleep before that happens. Or if she’ll make it into some form of a shower.

As she delights herself with the gorgeous figure of her captor, she figures she doesn’t mind, really.

#jenlisa #blackpink scenarios #jennie scenarios #lisa scenarios #blackpink fanfic

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theschizoidblog · 4 years

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Snape, the Schizoid

Blog 4: 30/07/2020

While I usually write about how Schizoid personality disorder affects me, I think there’s a lot to be learned from drawing comparisons to fictional characters. In fact, before I got my diagnosis, I was writing fanfiction in which I poured very large portions of my soul and very being, often without realizing I wasn’t really writing about other characters, but I was exploring my own inner self. I loved writing about outcasts, about recluses and sometimes I didn’t know if I just was in a sort of love with the characters I wrote about, or if they were me.

At the age of 18, we’re talking about 2001 here, I got into Harry Potter. And with that I mean: I got into Severus Snape. Described as an ugly git and a mean bastard, I still loved him to pieces. (And Alan Rickman portrayed him beautifully, RIP)

And here might be the reason why he lured me in straight away: Snape is a schizoid, like me. And that only clicked when I got my diagnosis a few months ago. 19 years after first encountering the character. And after rereading some of my own fanfictions, I started realizing that what I’d described as Snape’s problems and needs in those stories, were my own. Strange how that works!

In this blog, I’m going to run over some traits of SPD (schizoid personality disorder) and explain how Snape fits into the criteria.

This post serves three purposes:

To people who have no idea what schizoid personality disorder is, this is a means to familiarize yourself with the disorder by exploring the traits while you imagine a character you already know.

To people with schizoid personality disorder, this is just meant to be a fun little blog where maybe you can recognize some traits of yourself. No worries, I have not forgotten we’re all on a spectrum and each schizoid is different.

To fans of the Harry Potter novels, I hope that you come to realize that people can identify with flawed characters for very personal reasons. Don’t be mean to fictional characters (unless they’re Umbridge I guess XD), because you never know who identifies with them. Your rejection of a character can feel like the rejection of a person who struggles with the same things. Anti-culture, in all fandoms, has to end. It’s not adult. It’s not wise. It’s mean. It’s exhausting.

I also feel like I need to make a statement about JK Rowling’s intent: I doubt she knew what SPD was when she wrote Snape. She said she based him off of one of her old teachers – no idea if that man had SPD or was just generally unpleasant. The way that Snape matches SPD is eerie though, just like Luna matches schizotypal personality disorder rather well. (More on that later.) An actual psychologist might disagree with me and say “No he’s not schizoid because….” – and hell, I’d love to hear it. I don’t mind it if this post, written by a schizoid but not a psychologist, starts a discussion that will help people understand the disorder even better, even if I’m wrong in assessing Snape. Or if we can learn to understand Snape better because of me being wrong, that’s also a win-win situation.

Ready? Let’s dive into it!

Cause

SPD is said to be caused by a combination of genetics and environment – as is the case with many other personality disorders. But ask around in schizoid groups, and most will tell you that there were issues in childhood with abuse, lack of warmth or understanding at home, or the presence of a “bad parent”. According to webmd: “Some professionals speculate that a bleak childhood where warmth and emotion were absent contributes to the development of the disorder.”

We all know that Snape’s early childhood was not a happy one. He had an abusive muggle father and grew up at Spinner’s End, the opposite of what you could consider a happy childhood home.

When you grow up in a loveless home, it ruins a lot of your own enjoyment of life. You get trust issues, you become awkward, and so when Snape finally arrives at Hogwarts, he gets bullied. He’s already rather isolated (he only had Lily), and they picked on him because kids can sniff out weaknesses and he was an easy target.

The bullying did nothing to stop the disorder from developing further. Many schizoids have gone through bullying themselves, and it does nothing to help you grow closer to human beings as you get older, quite the opposite, a bond of trust is broken and it’s incredibly hard to heal that. You’ll be suspicious of everyone you meet once that sort of thing happens. The more bullying you receive, the more you hate the world as you grow up. Maybe that’s not true for all people or all schizoids, but I bet some can relate.

You might say: “But Harry also got bullied at the Dursleys and he turned out fine!” Well, I guess he did. That’s the thing with many heroes – their tragic backstories make them poster boys of “look what they overcame and how he saved the world!” – but it’s not that realistic, and if you’ve got a genetic predisposition to develop a personality disorder instead, you’re screwed. Let’s also not forget that Harry’s first year in life was a very loving one. The very first year in a child’s life is crucial, and if things go wrong in early childhood, that leaves scars that most people carry with them for the rest of their lives. Snape never had that steady sort of home, not even for one year, or if he did, there’s nothing to indicate he did.

Diagnosis Criteria

Okay, time to get digging! According to the DSM-V, you need to display at least four symptoms in order to be diagnosed with SPD. Also keep in mind that these traits need to be present for longer than just a few months or a year or so. You might recognize some of these traits as something you’ve gone through yourself if you’ve ever been depressed – it’s when these traits last for what seems like your entire adult life, that a diagnosis with the disorder can be made. (I’m also not familiar with every other trait of every other disorder in the DSM-V, so as I stated in the beginning, it’s possible that other personality disorders are even more fitting of Snape, but that I just don’t know them yet.)

The seven criteria are:

Lack of desire or enjoyment for close personal relationships

Always chooses solitary activities

Little or no interest in sex with other people

Experiences little pleasure from activities

No close friends other than immediate family

Indifference to criticism or praise

Emotional detachment and lack of emotional expression

➤ Emotional detachment and lack of emotional expression

While this is usually at the bottom of the list, I want to put it on top. This is what they also call “flat affect”. You can give us a present, and it might seem like we’re not truly grateful. We may laugh with a joke, but the light never reaches our eyes. Emotionally, it doesn’t seem to an outsider like there’s a lot going on, and if it is, it’s going on so deeply within our souls we’re hardly aware of it ourselves. Think of Snape’s monotonous voice when talking. Now Alan Rickman is a brilliant actor and emotes with very very small signs sometimes, and it’s not like when talking to me, you’re talking to a wall. (But my empathic mask makes me appear rather normal to most folks.) (I don’t think Snape has a mask like that.) Other characters that have schizoid traits are, for example, Mai from Avatar the Last Airbender or Geralt of Rivia from the Witcher. If you know and visualize these characters, you may understand better what I mean with the “lack of emotional expression” then. Also, Snape being a great Occlumens? It’s because he’s the reigning champion in suppressing his emotions, like all schizoids are. We would make wonderful Occlumens, I think. XD Snape being mean? Not all schizoids have a good amount of empathy, they’re too emotionally detached for that. (Others are very empathic to some causes, but might be picky in what they are empathic about. For example: they can be empathic towards animal cruelty and Black Lives Matter, but don’t give a shit about other causes.)

A lack of empathy is what makes plenty of people an easy prey to fascists. Without empathy, what moral compass is going to stop you from becoming a bigot? (And I also want to state that within the disorder you’ll probably find people of all political leanings – many schizoids also seem to have a thing for the underdog, and thus seem to often lean towards the left instead of the right side of the political spectrum. But as with ‘regular’ people, you’ll find people swing both ways.) But here, in Snape’s case, his hatred for his bullies and his father (a muggle) pushed him right into the Death Eater’s arms, and they were glad to welcome a man of his skill, maybe even giving him the illusion, for a while, that he had found a new family. It didn’t last, and eventually his eyes opened to what the Death Eater’s really were. He was too young and naïve to see what they wanted of him (and the one person he loved), and it basically ruined his life. He was a teenage fool, and after losing Lily’s friendship, he had no one left to keep him out of that bad group of friends.

➤ Lack of desire or enjoyment for close personal relationships

Does Snape strike you as the social type that’s trying to make new friends all the time? Have you ever seen the man enjoy the company of another character in the books? Not just tolerate, not just need, but ‘enjoy’? Even when it comes to Lucius or Karkarov, it seems he is just keeping an eye on them, observing them rather than offering true friendship.

Maybe McGonagall might be an exception. He seems amiable towards her, in a competitive way. He might get a kick out of their arguing. She’s certainly an intelligent woman so he might enjoy her company for intellectual reasons.

➤ Always chooses solitary activities

We see Snape engage in a few activities at Hogwarts, such as going to Quidditch matches, or being present at the Yule Ball. Death Eater meetings and gatherings in the staff room might be social activities, but let’s not pretend Snape has a lot to say about whether he attends those or not. As a teen he already excels at potions, a solitary activity, and when we are given a glimpse of his “summer” lifestyle at Spinner’s End in Half-Blood Prince, he’s just reading. He certainly doesn’t entertain a crowd in his spare time, like, for example, Slughorn does.

➤ Little or no interest in sex with other people

I hear you coming now. “BUT LILY!” Schizoids are often asexual, but not necessarily sex-aversive. When asking around in a schizoid group, about a third of the schizoids seem to be in relationships or are even married, perhaps even more. And many of the others have had sexual relationships in the past. Many have tried to make relationships work, only to realize at a later point that that sort of life was not for them and that they would never be truly happy in a relationship. Other schizoids are happy in relationships – so it exists! It’s not impossible! (Remember: you need 4/7 traits, not 7/7 to be schizoid.) Also keep in mind, if Snape really was interested in sex, why would he pine after a dead woman for 16 years? He’d be over her way sooner and into someone else’s pants way sooner too. Lily was the first person in his life that gave him any kind of warmth, so him pining after her is not strange or inexplicable behavior. She offered what he craved, what he lacked, and he mourned her for the rest of his life, because he feared no one would ever give him that warmth. (And he kind of turned that into a self-fulfilling prophecy by being such a recluse.) He dreamed of love, but we have no idea what it would have been like had he actually ever had his affections returned. Maybe he’d have enjoyed a relationship with her for a long while and she would have been the only person he could have tolerated, or maybe after a year or so he would have thought “this is suffocating” and ended the relationship.

➤ Experiences little pleasure from activities

Can you recall Snape laughing in any scene? Smiling, even? I can imagine him to feel rather content when brewing potions or studying the dark arts, and he does have passion for what he does. But to a schizoid, passion and pleasure are not necessarily the same. We experience emotions differently. In some ways we don’t experience them at all, in other ways, we might feel like there’s a wall around our emotions, and we have no idea how to get over that wall and check what the currently active emotion is. But with logic, we can determine “I guess I’m happy now that I’m doing this thing I like doing.” Intellectual pursuits are fun too – like solving a puzzle, it gives a little boost of dopamine when you make it to the next level, so it’s not surprising he excels at Potions.

➤ No close friends other than immediate family

Basically, Snape only really had Dumbledore, and that bastard only used him to win the war. (I have beef with old Dumbledore, okay?) But Snape confided in Dumbledore, and the other way around, and so I think it’s safe to say that there was a true friendship between the two. When Dumbledore died, Snape was truly alone. (Which is incredibly tragic and heartbreaking when you think about it – in the last year of his life, Snape had no one, really no one, as he tried to keep Hogwarts ‘safe’ and eventually died. And everyone hated him for killing Dumbledore, not knowing the truth about his allegiance. Everyone who had once spoken kindly to him, like the other professors at Hogwarts, now considered him arch enemy #2, behind Voldemort.)

➤ Indifference to criticism or praise

Compliment or insult a schizoid, and it’s not like they won’t give any response at all. They might say “thank you” or they might get a little defensive about the insult, but they won’t always lose a lot of sleep over it. It kind of depends on who the praise or criticism is coming from. I can imagine that it did mean something to him if it came from Dumbledore, whom he cared about. I don’t think it meant anything to him what his students thought of him, since he didn’t give a personal level of shit about them. There’s also a moment where Umbridge shrieks “You are on probation!” and it’s described as “Snape looked back at her, his eyebrows slightly raised.” Then she says that she expected better after how highly Lucius Malfoy always speaks of him and she dismisses him. Snape then gives her “an ironic bow” – he really doesn’t give a rat’s ass and I love him for it.

These are the 7 criteria that you need to fit 4 of to be diagnosed with SPD – I managed to link all 7 to Snape – so I think it’s not unlikely that Snape is truly a schizoid. Now, for the next part I would like to highlight some other comorbidities which many schizoids also have, that seem to appear in Snape as well.

Comorbidities

➤ Depression In about half of all schizoid patients, depression is or has been present. How do you notice that in Snape? The greasy hair, among other things. Bad teeth. Always wearing the same outfit. If you’ve ever suffered from a bad depression, you know how difficult it suddenly becomes to shower at a regular interval, how you can go days without brushing your teeth, how wearing comfortable clothing is more important than looking fashionable – how it is absolutely meaningless to look fashionable because who the fuck cares anyways. Snape doesn’t seem to give a hoot about himself or his appearance, which strikes me as a sign of depression. And what does he have to be happy about? He knows Voldemort is going to return and he’ll have a cursed job as a double-spy. He knows he’s probably going to die. I wouldn’t be happy either.

➤ Anger Outbursts/PTSD Not all schizoids have this, but it’s something I have myself and which I’ve written about extensively in one of my previous blog posts. I look at it as a way of my inner self breaking down the walls and coming out to say “I know that I’ve been quiet for the past 37 years but what the fuck I’m really angry about this and have been for a while and I’m not going to contain it any longer” – and then the anger comes out disproportionately. It’s hard to impossible to really control such an outburst. And often, there is a very obvious cause to the outburst. Sometimes it’s PTSD related. For Snape, while he does not emote often, you see a few outbursts – like when he is face to face with Sirius Black in the shrieking shack, his childhood bully. He seems mad at that moment, not at all composed anymore, the sign of a real anger outburst. (I think it’s PTSD helping that anger build.) A few moments later, he thinks he has turned in Sirius Black to the Ministry, Sirius, who he holds responsible for the death of James and Lily (and it’s especially the latter’s death he can’t cope with), so when Sirius escapes, he loses it again. Then the next time he gets really angry is when Harry enters his “worst memory”. That’s a few years later, during the Occlumency lessons. While he’s no longer shrieking, he’s white with rage. My pro tip: don’t impose on the privacy of a schizoid, we get mad. XD In Half-Blood Prince, he’s got a moment where he’s like “Don’t call me coward!”, looking ‘inhuman’. I too can get anger outbursts over false accusations, and this one must really hurt, because at that moment, he’s trying to save Harry’s freaking life while the boy is all like “lemme at you I’mma kill you like you killed Dumbledore for fun!” – Snape was probably grieving the loss of his only friend and confidant and knew he was on his own from that point onwards, and then you get this bloody teenager trying to drag you into a wizard’s duel you’re not in the mood for, calling you a coward, which is the last thing you are. Man it has to suck to be Snape. I also want to state that there are many moments when things go wrong in class, but Snape never loses his temper like that. He’s not pleasant and he punishes students, but he doesn’t get mad – he gets even. That makes it all the more interesting to analyze the moments that he does go bananas.

Random Thoughts

Before I finish this blog, there are still a few small things I’d like to get out of my system about Snape and SPD.

➤ Snape and Luna

They are my favorite characters, but also because they’re very, very alike and very, very different at the same time. Both didn’t have a great childhood (Luna lost her mother at a young age) and they get bullied as kids at Hogwarts. Snape is called Snivellus and Luna is called Looney. All the suffering they endure, affects them differently though. Snape gets meaner, Luna only seems to get nicer. I see them as two sides of the same coin. One dark, one light, both a little eccentric in their own way. When you look at it from a personality-disorder point of view, then they both have personality disorders that are related to one another. Snape has Schizoid Personality Disorder, Luna has Schizotypal Personality Disorder. Schizotypal Personality Disorder is where you’ll find a lot of eccentric people who believe in conspiracy theories. Both are class A personality disorders. Some people might even have the two personality disorders at the same time. Schizoids seem to be rooted in reality with their thoughts, schizotypals can really start believing strange things if they’re not careful, alienating them from others And, in case you’re now wondering: “So many schizo-personality disorders! Is this also schizophrenia?” No – schizophrenia is when you have delusions and hallucinations as well. Read up on those disorders if you’re interested, because these descriptions of mine are too brief and don’t do it justice.

➤ Snape was a bad teacher

Not fully, and yes, he was. I think knowledge-wise, Snape was way better at Potions than Slughorn ever was. You notice when Hermione can’t keep up in her sixth year while Harry is sailing through Potions thanks to Snape’s book. Snape’s a genius and would have been able to instruct his students to be more efficient when brewing potions. But personality wise? Don’t put a schizoid in front of a classroom. And for that, I kind of blame Dumbledore. Snape wasn’t asking for a job as a teacher, but that’s all Dumbledore had to offer, and thus he put Snape and his unwilling students in a room together where none of them wanted to be. I think Snape would have been better off as some kind of a scientist, just him and his books, inventing spells or potions. But he was not given much of a choice, and he was forced to socialize with teenagers (ew, gross), and that must have drained him terribly. It’s a wonder he was usually roaming the hallways at night because I would have been too exhausted to get out of bed. That makes you realize it’s truly a work of fiction because who on earth has that kind of stamina? :-P (No, in all seriousness it’s probably also depression at work, keeping him up.) Snape was a jerk to Harry and Neville and Hermione on various occasions, and not all of it was to “keep up appearances” to the Slytherins. He seemed to even enjoy a bit of sadism here and there. You could contemplate why he poisoned Neville’s toad. Was it just to spite poor little Neville, or was he hoping his student would perform better under pressure? (Which Neville did.. The toad didn’t die.) It’s a cruel way to teach a lesson, but I think he must have thought the end justified the means. But what a traumatic experience to Neville, who then had Snape become his greatest fear.

➤ Purity culture vs Snape

We’ve seen a shift on both Tumblr and other social media where fandom is about purity culture. Back in 2002 folks were like “We love the baddies, deal with it”, and the people that didn’t love the baddies actually dealt with it and you could joke with people who preferred the Gryffindors and just poke a little fun at one another, but it was fun fandom. But over the years I’ve seen fandom change. Nowadays you can’t even express love for Snape without someone seeing it as their moral obligation to remind you of what a “bad person he really was”. To them I can only say that I like him for his best qualities, and forgive him for his worst. And honestly, I don’t need to justify liking a character to anyone. If I want to put Umbridge-posters in every room of my apartment, are you going to stop me or call the cops on me? Purity policing is weird. Very American, too. (Though I’ve seen some Dutch folks go apeshit as well over purity concepts.) And as a Belgian I don’t have time to put up with that shit. XD And purity policing also is just nasty when you consider that some folks are like “I relate to this character” and the next person is like “THIS CHARACTER IS EVIL AND DESERVES TO DIE!” My response to that part of fandom is: “Just fuck off already, jerkface.” Personally I was heartbroken by his death, because I feel like he could have made up to the people he’d hurt, I would have loved to see relationships mended between him and McGonagall and him and Harry and such, but instead we were left with him passing on some awkward memories to Harry and then dying. (Tbh I’m not the greatest fan of his crush on Lily, but whatever, I can accept it and understand it. She was the only light he ever knew.) It’s not his fault he didn’t get to redeem himself as a character, not fully - and that’s what makes fanfiction fun. So if people want to explore that in fic, let them. A character like Snape is too much of a treasure to shove under a carpet and pretend he never existed. Write all the things about him, have him have all the adventures!

I think I’m done now! If you stuck around until now, 10 points to Slytherin or whatever house you’re from. (Probably Slytherin if you’re reading about Snape.) What do you think? Feel free to leave a comment, send an ask, or whatever!

#severus snape #snape #pro snape #schizoid #schizoid personality disorder #blog

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i-dont-want-your-hysteria · 3 years

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a message.

This whole post is full of things I’ve wanted to say for a very long time. So yes, this is going to be very long.

Before I begin, I just wanted to say I’m sorry to the innocent people who had nothing to do with this. I’ve never ever been involved with online/fandom drama before, I hate being in this position so fucking much with all my heart and soul, and I never thought in my whole life that I’d be in this position, either.

Secondly, this is about the DEF LEPPARD FANDOM ON TUMBLR. If you’re not part of this fandom, kindly fuck off :^) This is not about you.

This post explains why I feel this way. And to those innocent people who aren’t involved with this, I’m sincerely sorry if any of this has changed your opinions of me.

I’m in a mood and a half, so I’ll do my best to effectively tell everything from my perspective. Read if you want, but this is just what I’m thinking.

I’ve been running this blog for almost three years now. When I first joined this fandom on tumblr at the beginning of 2018, there wasn’t really a ‘fandom’ per se; all the main blogs were dead, no one ever really posted, and there wasn’t much content. I decided to start a DL blog of my own to vent my love into it and not spam my main account.

Within a month, I could quickly see that some sort of renaissance was happening in this fandom; more blogs were popping up, more people were posting, and more people were just participating in general. There were memes now, there were conversations now- it was great! There was a real community; it was all about sharing information, spewing our love, getting creative, and interacting!

There was integrity, and there was respect for the band as well as one another.

I, as part of this community, wanted to do everything in my physical power to contribute in any way I could. I was insanely active and hyper-productive and could not be stopped. I still haven’t stopped, but I certainly have slowed down significantly (due to lack of new activity from the band and increased mental health issues I won’t get into). I don’t want to be self-centered and say that I was “running” this branch of the fandom for the past 2.7 years, but I was certainly a big player in it, and I feel everyone agreed (and some still agree) with that as well.

There were some times where disagreements happened. There were times where many of us knew that someone else was crossing a line in a post. We knew what qualified as “not okay” in terms of being perverted and such. We’d solve this by not blaming, not hounding, not sending anon hate, not calling out, but by presenting facts, talking maturely, and trying to right the wrongs as maturely as we could.

Yes, it was possible. Was.

I don’t think you guys realize just how much content I’ve contributed to this fandom. I have spent basically every single day of the past 3-ish years trying to spread information/content/photos/videos/links/etc. to everyone who follows me (and everyone who doesn’t). This fandom was (and I cannot stress this enough), literally my entire life for the past 3 odd years, and I really wanted to spend the rest of my life contributing to it the way I’ve been.

I don't think anyone on here realizes everything that I have done for this community. Because of me:

this fandom has access to Animal Instinct for free

this fandom has access to the rare picture disc interview

this fandom has numerous scans of photos that may have not ended up online otherwise (I also paid $70 to have access to some of these. You're welcome.)

we have Fabulist Icons content

we have a decent amount of fanfiction that doesn't only focus on the boys banging each other/sex in general (seriously, this simply didn’t exist on here before I started posting my shit)

we have a little more fan art

we have content from Phil's and Ross's books

we have hundreds (yes, literally, HUNDREDS) of edits/moodboards/memes/etc. that I made myself

we have gifsets of things that no one else would have made

we have achieved justice a lot of the time when content was stolen because I have defended everyone without question/rallied up armies the second I heard it happened

some of you have gotten updates on news/facts/history/details/etc. that you’ve never even heard of

probably a shit ton more things, but that’s all I can think of for now. You get the point.

But that’s only half the story. This band and fandom has given me so much to cherish over the past few years.

Because of this fandom and the people (that were once) in it, I have:

met Rick in person

met, quite honestly, my two best friends ever, @ballistic-lipstick-dream-machine (my true Terror Twin) and @paper-sxn (adopted little sister/cousin)

became in contact with Phil's guitar tech from the mid-80s (Mike)

gained creative ambition to play guitar, create art, write stories, make edits/gifs, travel, and basically just better myself

began a record collection that is now in the hundreds and gained a lot of knowledge from it

discovered a whole new genre of music

found a community/culture where, for the very very first time in my life, I felt like I BELONGED.

fallen in love with something and someone for the first time

felt like I actually mattered to people, like I was actually important (because people would always come to me for information or help if they needed it)

basically impacted every corner of my life

just about a million other things, too, but I will be here all night if I try to list them all.

To put it delicately: Def Leppard and this fandom on tumblr absolutely changed my life, and was the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.

I have spread so much information around, you newer people wouldn't imagine. I have gathered and seen so much information, you wouldn't believe how much I know and how much I've learned. I have bounced back and forth between formats time after time again that I feel like I’m stuck in a time warp. I have edited so many things on non-professional programs that I am an MS paint expert. I have been here so long, that I’ve seen 98% of the people in this branch of the fandom rotate in and out at least two or three times.

That being said, all of the toxic people in this fandom will most likely be gone within the next 6 months.

Def Leppard has taught me so much, but a big thing was love and loyalty. It's clear that the majority of people in this fandom (read my lips- I am N O T saying anyone’s names. I mean that.) do not know the meanings of either of these words. I've been practically running this fandom on Tumblr for nearly three years now, you’ve seen all that I’ve done for you, and what have I gotten in return?

Slander, cyberbullying, disrespect, consistently stolen content, etc. That’s what I’ve gotten. I’ve never attacked anyone on here, and that is still something I won’t do.

Yes, I am against slash fic, and I can’t believe that THAT’S the only reason why I’m being torn down like this. Something so dumb and immature as that has torn my beloved community in half. I have never attacked ANYONE for writing slash fic, yet I’ve been getting attacked since August (it is November now) for simply believing it is wrong to openly admit you want the boys to fuck each other.

(I’d also like to point out that someone from the KISS fandom ((god knows why)) had the balls to call me “homophobic” for hating slashfic. I can’t even begin to explain how much I laughed at that.)

I just wanna say that these are REAL people you’re writing about, you know. Don’t you think THEY would be against it? I know I cannot stop anyone from writing slash (I’ve said that before, but no one seems to remember it). I don’t think any of you realize that there is a certain line you shouldn’t cross when it comes to the internet, and being perverted in such an explicit and disrespectful way is one of them. We always had integrity in this fandom, and slash was never part of something we stood for. We knew when to stop, and we kept the slash on rockfic.com (where it belongs imo. That’s like their element).

I was very confused when more slash fics started appearing on tumblr this year. Now, it seems like that’s all there is, and I’m disgusted.

Whenever something close to that happened in 2018, everyone would be totally against it, and we’d talk it out and explain. While we all had our fair share of horny (and maybe then some) in this fandom, but we always knew where to draw the line. That was the line. That line doesn’t exist anymore, apparently, and nobody knows how to be mature and respectful to the band, to each other, and just for fuck’s sake. Now, I’m being slammed that being perverted for them fucking their best friends is “just fandom, bitch” and “the norm” and that it’s done “out of respect”, which I will never understand. You can’t use “slash” and “respectful” in the same sentence, and you can’t change my mind, but I know I can’t change yours, either.

Slash is not, nor will it ever be, respectful. This fandom has become toxic.

Fanfiction is an outlet for creativity to be used for fun, not to be used as an excuse to project your sexually perverted sexuality headcannons/fetishes onto innocent, REAL, LIVE people. If all you write/read is them having sex with each other, then it really makes you wonder if it’s about “respect” anymore, doesn’t it?

In my opinion it’s fucked up that it’s “normal” and “just part of fandom” to create sexualities for- again- REAL, LIVE PEOPLE, and it’s everyone’s first instinct to argue that it’s fine, apparently? If you “respect” your idols so much like you claim you do, then why don’t you maybe respect their actual orientations instead of creating masturbation material for random 12 year olds and boomers, perhaps?

I don’t know what I did that was so fucking wrong in your eyes, as I’ve always tried to keep integrity in this area of tumblr.

I'm very deeply hurt, more than I've ever been by this. It physically hurts me to admit that this fandom has become as toxic as it currently is. I don’t feel welcome here anymore at all, despite practically running things on here for so long.

I don’t know how I could ever live without this fandom, but now it looks like I’m going to have to try, or at least try and rebuild it on my own (again). I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop posting about Def Leppard, and after all, I only started posting about them for myself to begin with.

We were supposed to be the good fandom, the happy fandom, the fandom with no drama. I am ashamed to be associated with you now. I tried to stop it as best as I could, and hoped people would back me up, but I’ve received nothing but hate for simply trying to preserve some dignity.

You guys have been immature to say the least, and I find it very hard to believe that some of you are legal adults (but let’s be honest; most of you toxic people are probably too young to even be behind a computer, anyway).

I’ve had to block some people that I really didn’t want to, but the deed is done. Keep your slash to yourself, tag it, do a read more, post it somewhere else, even- that’s how you co-exist. Just don’t come after me because I think it’s wrong. I never came after anyone specifically like that.

This isn’t goodbye, but I certainly am leaving for a while. I hope I got my point, my history, and my perspective across.

And I hope you’re fucking happy, because you’ve destroyed something I loved.

-Rachel

#also to helena_s_renn on rockfic: suck my dick bitch :3 #thank you to those who have messaged me and been kind #time to watch my follower count dwindle at the speed of sound #goodbye

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adultprivilege · 5 years

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I've ranted about this so many times on main that I need to say it here:

The idolization of classical music is not just racist and sexist, it is blatantly ageist

Coming from a huge music nerd this is important for me to say: BEEHTOVEN IS BAD AND MOZART IS WORSE. I dont even know if other pianists are aware of the way we've been brainwashed by Europeans but Beehtoven and Mozart were mediocre at best for average musicians, and for musicians who stood the test of time, they are TERRIBLE.

These two musicians, and most pre-1900s classical musicians in general, are only so famous because they are meant to symbolize the pinnacle of white society and the achievements of whiteness. I like Monet, I like Tchaikovsky, but if that's the best we can do then white people should not do music.

Wanna see a dumb person say dumb shit?

Who is some people? Tell me right now who do you think some people are?

I love this tweet because it so perfectly encapsulates everything that older white people believe. So many people (mostly white and old, #yupisaidit omg I'm so unique) talk about rap being the cause of gang violence, black on black crime, younger people having lots of sex and doing drugs. Imagine believing that the music young people listen to and black people create (and I can get into the exchange of black culture and youth culture at a later date) is an epidemic.

It's funny because that happened all throughout the 19th century.

(Above: "flappers" aka rebellious young women who liked to party and listen to jazz -im not kidding that's literally what a flapper was - of the early 1900s dancing in what were considered short and scantily clad dresses for the time, then another picture of flappers posing for a picture with their boyfriends)

In the early 20th century teenage girls and women in their 20s became so famously known for having more sex, drinking alcohol, being unashamed to dress in shorter skirts, that the term designated to them by older white men - flapper - is now considered a historical term. And you've DEFINITELY seen old films depicting black jazz musicians as illiterate speaking in slang always cheerful with a bunch of other gross stereotypes given to them. No one liked jazz and no one like ragtimes.

(Above: Chuck Berry onstage, Little Richard in a cover photo -both black- and a bunch of white teenagers in the 60s posing on jeeps and pontiacs trying to look punk and cool)

I feel like it should be known by now, Elvis is not the king of rock, most white rock musicians were highkey appropriative and when young black popular music switched to blues white rock musicians tried to follow suit inconspicuously for profit. I'm mostly basing my info of rock and blues on Peter Guralnick's Feel Like Going Home, which isnt the most progressive book you could buy but if you're looking for a comprehensive musical history of the 1950s onward focusing on how young white people rebelled against their parents by participating in black culture, you should definitely read it. Guralnick described how as a young white kid he and his friends would listen to rock all the time, and try to dress in fancy outfits and pose the way Elvis posed, sort of trying to look and behave the way they imagined black people look and behave (again its not the most progressive if could be). Adults constantly judged youth for listening to rock, and all the new kinds of music that came with it that were created out of black culture.

"The first time I heard Little Richard's 'Tutti Frutti' was on the car radio on the way to school.

A-wop bop a lu bop a lop bam boom

Tutti frutti, oh rooty

It burst out at us. Our first reaction, I think, was one of chagrin. Somebody's father was driving, and he expressed our discomfort before we could ourselves. 'What command of the english language,'he said and switched stations. We all laughed self-consciously because it was, after all, our fault."

(Above: Mamie Smith on an album surrounded by black men on trumpets and various brass instruments. A party full of black teenagers listening to rhythm and blues.)

Rhythm and blues was another form of music pioneered by black people and exchanged with youth culture, and put down as a way to dismiss both identities. Again, from Feel Like Going Home:

"Country blues, which was at first considered too disreputable to record, remains to this day too funky in a pejorative sense to merit serious attention."

"These blues were common property long before they were set down on paper, however, and if the recording of the classic blues singers stimulated a new period of growth for country blues, WC Handy himself admitted, 'Each one of my blues is based on some old N**** song of the South, some old song that is part of the memories of my childhood and my race. I can tell you the exact song I used as the basis for any one of my blues.'

Instrumental jazz started out as the articulation of that same feeling, an ingenious approximation of the human voice."

And eventually the music was used by youth as a way to rebel.

"We thought of blues, when we first took it up, as protest music."

Which brings us to hip hop, rap, trap, and the like.

(Above: Duckwrth in his music video for Soprano, Angel Haze with a group of their fans mostly white and everyone in the photo looking pretty blatantly queer)

Obviously right now you are aware of the fact that black people pioneered these three genres, and obviously you are aware that they appeal to a much younger age, because you're living in this time period.

It doesn't matter what the music is. How many times have we seen the narrative that a teacher makes the young black student more interested in school because poetry is just another way to rap? White adults struggle so much to comprehend the evolution of music and its pioneers being black youth that they literally think they're teaching someone when they say that maybe instead of participating in black culture you could do something that is similar but a lot more white and I'll consider you more intelligent just from that. It's an attempt to destroy black/youth culture.

Which brings me back to that goddamn tweet I love so much. Yes, Shapiro is technically a millennial, but hes this type of millennial I hate, the one that thinks they have to compensate by saying "I was born in the wrong generation" "I have an old soul" "antiques are some of the finer things in life". They love the aesthetic of not having computers or phones or really any new technology, they want to live in a creaking house and use a typewriter and die of polio. Ageism is so strongly connected to racism because if you've internalized some ideas of white supremacy, as Shapiro ABSOLUTELY has, you develop a need to connect with white eurocentric society, and as the world becomes more integrated that becomes harder and harder to do until you develop some nostalgia for the 90s, for the 50s, for years that you weren't even alive to be nostalgic for. So these people decide to listen to classical music as a way of saying "I'm not like anybody else in my generation."

And I'm not just going to blame youth because obviously it's mostly the oldest generations saying that music taste is a sign of intelligence and that music contributes to teen pregnancies and drug use and criminal activity. This has been said about so many forms of music because the number one priority for people who have a goal of maintaining ageism is to prevent culture from evolving. Or more specifically, allow culture to evolve, but only to the point where hairstyles and clothes and tech and music tastes can be weaponized to separate and criticize younger people and maintain superiority. Older people have a vested interest in making the many parts of your culture, especially the parts of youth culture that are also black culture, seem crude and inappropriate and reflective of your moral character.

It doesnt matter if you don't listen to rap. You still have to tell people you're not like your generation, avoid using slang like lit and yeet, put on a tie every day, work 60 hours a week and not live in poverty, and talk shit about your own generation just to escape one of the caricatures of youth. And at that point you just enter another caricature that is the "born in the wrong generation" stereotype. Once older people know you're seeking their approval, they (possibly subconsciously, but this is also a very conscious tactic used by pedophiles) compliment you by saying you are very professional, you have an old soul, that you are mature for your age. They make you easily manipulable. So it's a bit terrifying to even try to gain that accreptance.

There are so many people nowadays just like Ben Shapiro who are listening to classical music that was made in 18th century Europe or previous. There are so many music history classes in schools that only teach about Bach, Beehtoven, Mozart, Tchaikovsky, Debussy, all that. If you are going to listen to classical pieces, stop rehashing the old shit. You shouldnt be listening to music out of a desire for cultural "purity" and a feeling of superiority.

If you need to listen to classical music, listen to these:

youtube

If you think music can have an "authentic" sound to it, listen to these:

youtube

TDLR: the ideation of classical music has been used for more than a century to dismiss black/youth culture, to separate our generations and use our cultural contributions as a way to demonize black people and younger generations, and to manipulate youth into a desperation to appeal to older generations.

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forever-rogue · 5 years

Text

Fatherhood with Joe

Here’s some pure fluff of our fave dino boy on becoming a dad! I just think he’ll be the best dad ever!

PS - this is my first actual headcanon, so hopefully it’s okay?!? It’s a little long, so you’re forewarned!

- You weren’t sure if you ever wanted to actually be a mother. It had never really been something you thought about. You could have taken it or left it.

- Then again, you also said you’‘d never get married. But after a few years of dating, Joe, in the most romantic way possible, had popped the question. The whole backyard was illuminated with lanterns and fairy lights, and Joe had gotten down on one knee and gave you the most beautiful speech, and you ended up leaping into his arms, repeatedly saying yes as you kissed him and he slipped a gorgeous ring your finger. So here you were - Mrs. Mazzello.

- You knew Joe wanted a family, and that it was important to him, and you had early on expressed your feelings to him that you weren’t particularly one way or the other on it, and Joe, like the absolute sweetheart he is, agreed and said you’d both play it by ear and see how things felt a little further down the road.

- After being married for nearly a year, you weren’t actively trying to get pregnant, but you had stopped using birth control, and decided to see how things played out. If it was meant to be, it would be.

- Several months after stopping birth control, you were cleaning out your bathroom cabinet and found an old box of tampons. It hit you - you had missed your period for the month, and once you thought more about it, you had missed your previous month’s period as well. How you hadn’t noticed baffled you.

- You went out to the store while Joe was out for the day and bought a test from each brand, stuffing the small haul in your purse and rushing home to take them. You hadn’t told or texted Joe or anything so he didn’t get his hopes up, or in case you weren’t pregnant.

- You took out the tests and peed on all 6 of them (you wanted to be really sure), and set them all out on the counter, setting a timer on your phone as you waited for the results, scrolling through IG impatiently.

- Once your time went off, you bounded into the bathroom, eyes scanning the little sticks for a pregnant or not pregnant readout. Your felt your eyes start to sting as you saw that they each said the same thing pregnant.

- You didn’t hold back your tears as your emotions overwhelmed you with happiness and excitement. Joe was going to be over the moon.

- Once Joe texted you to let you know he would be home with takeout in a few minutes, you gathered all the tests and put them on his bedside table, inside the drawer.

- He arrived home and pulled you into one of his signature bone crushing hugs as he peppered your face with gentle kisses, whispering to you just how much he loved you.

- You sat down and took out the food, getting some plates. You pretended you needed something from the bedroom and asked Joe to fetch it. He gave you another kiss and quickly went to grab what you had asked for.

- You listened intently, hearing him walk into the bedroom and open the drawer. There were a few moments of silence before he walked back out, tests in hand, padding slowly down the hallway.

- You could see that there were tears in his eyes as he held them up silently, looking to you for confirmation, and you just nodded, a smile spreading on your face, as you started crying again. He ran over to you, wrapping you up in his arms, his tears spilling onto your shoulder.

- “Are you sure you want this?” was all he quietly asked as he pulled back and you wiped away his tears, nodding fervently, softly stroking his cheek.

- “This is exactly what I want. I want you, I want this baby. It’ll be our own little family. This is everything I ever wanted. I didn’t even know I wanted it until I met you, and then everything just made sense,” you reassured him before he crashed his lips onto yours, the kiss sweet and salty from your combined tears.

- “I am so in love with you,” he whispered as he rested his forehead against yours, “you’re the most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me.”

- Throughout your pregnancy, Joe was by your side every step of the way, almost more attentive to your needs than you were. He went to all the classes with you, read all the books, loving prepared the nursery himself, and always made sure you came first.

- You didn’t have to ask for anything; if you wanted a glass of water, Joe had it for you before you could even say it out loud. You wanted your jalapeno bagels with nutella at 2 in the morning? You only had to get out jala before he grabbed his keys and headed to the store to get everything for you. You wanted a quickie when you visited him on set? He had no problem pulling you into his trailer and getting to it and making you moan his name, even if he had be back withing a few minutes.

- That man was so whipped for you.

- He loved holding you whenever he could, his hand always ending up on your bump, tracing all kinds of patterns over it. He loved kissing your belly; everything about it.

- The first time he felt the baby move, he was in tears, claiming it was the most amazing thing he had ever experienced.

- He loved singing to your baby, and telling it all kinds of stories, and making sure the baby knew how much he loved you, the baby, and how he excited he was to become a dad.

- Joe always made sure he told you how much he loved your new figure, and that pregnancy suited you. You were self conscious about the weight you had gained, fearing it was more than necessary, and were worried about how your body was going to look after you gave birth. But Joe made sure you never doubted that he loved you and your body before, during, and after pregnancy. That man was nuts about you, and nothing would ever change that. And that fact your body was creating another life? It amazed him everyday.

- He loved sharing your pregnancy with this family, friends, and fans, keeping them regularly updated with pictures and videos. He loved letting the world know how much he loved you.

- He always insisted on picking out things for the nursery and baby, and you can bet your butts that the nursery was filled with small dino stuffies, dino decorations, and the baby already had an arsenal of dino onesies. You just laughed and kissed him, you loved your dino boy more than anything.

- You two had decided not find out what you were having, but as your due date neared, your curiosity was too high and you asked the doctor what it was. A girl!

- About 3 weeks before your due date, you and Joe had gotten in a senseless little argument, and he claimed that you two should stop, lest the baby heard the two of you argue.

- “It won’t affect her at all!” you rolled her eyes at him as you stuck our her tongue, any annoyance you had with him melting away.

- “Her?” oops - you had it let it slip. You gave him an apologetic smile as you told you found out last week, you couldn’t wait any longer. He just ran a hand through his hair, tears appearing in his eyes as he repeated we’re having a little girl out loud. You just nodded, as you hugged him and he rocked you back and forth, his happiness beyond words. He couldn’t believe it - you two had made a little girl.

- After the long wait for the arrival of your baby girl, lovingly named Gemma Victoria Mazzello, Joe easily transitioned into the best dad ever. Everything came naturally to him.

- He was so good about making sure you shared equally in the responsibility of taking care of Gemma, getting up at all hours of the night, holding her for what seemed like hours until she stopped being fussy. It brought tears to your eyes to see him like that.

- He loved showing her off to the world, making sure everyone knew about the beautiful baby you two had created. He always told everyone her good looks were all due to you, although you reassured him, he was just as handsome and he definitely contributed his Mazzello genes to her.

- Dad jokes for days. He claimed it was his duty to use them now that he was a “certified” dad.

- One day you came home after running some errands and getting a little bit of time to yourself. When you walked in, the house was silent, but as you headed down the hall, heard gentle singing coming from the nursery. You leaned against the door, silently watching as Joe sat with Gemma in the rocking chair, going slowly back and forth as he sang to her.

- He looked up when he felt your presence, mouthing a silent hello as he smiled at you. Checking to make sure she was asleep, he stood up and put her in the crib.

- “Hello, my love,” he whispered as he kissed you. You grabbed him by his shirt collar, crashing your lips fiercely against his.

- The two of you were always handsy with each other and got around to having sex whenever you could before your pregnancy. During your pregnancy your sex drive was through the roof, something Joe didn’t have a problem with, and even after having Gemma, that drive never settled down.

- “Come with me,” you whispered in his ear, pulling him down the hall towards your bedroom. Joe knew what you were up to, and he wasn’t about to stop you. Having sex with a young baby was hard; you never knew when she’d need one of you.

- “Are you already ready for another baby?” he asked cheekily and you just rolled your eyes at your husband, but the smirk never left his face.

- “Shut up, Joey. Just take me,” you said as you kissed him again, hands moving to start unbuttoning his shirt. Luckily for the two of you, Gemma slept through the afternoon and gave you plenty of time to yourselves. Maybe she knew she already wanted a sibling?

- “I love you, Joey,”

- “God knows how much I love you. You are perfect - you are my everything.”

#joe mazzello #joe mazzello x reader #queen #borhap #headcanons #hc #dad!joe #bohemian rhapsody #reader insert

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okimargarvez · 5 years

Text

SEX ON THE BEACH

Original title: Sex on the beach.

Prompt: BAU family enjoy time together on the beach.

Warning: none.

Genre: family, friendly, funny, romantic.

Characters: Penelope Garcia, Luke Alvez, Emily Prentiss, Andrew Mendoza, Jennifer Jareau, Will Lamontagne, Spencer Reid, Tara Lewis, David Rossi, Krystall Richards, Matt Simmons, Kristy Simmons, Phil Brooks, O.C.

Pairing: Garvez, Prendoza, Willifer, Rossi x Krystall, Matt x Kristy, Phil x O.C.

Note: part 71 in Garvez canon Life.

Legend: 💑😘🔦🎈.

Song mentioned: none.

GARVEZ STORIES

SEX ON THE BEACH

The sand that caresses their skin, the water that touches their bare feet. His girl's hair, always longer, tickling his arm. Around them various voices and discourses overlap, yet the only thing he can concentrate on is her regular breathing and the beating of her heart.

With his eyes closed, he feels her intertwining the fingers of their hands. -Have you ever thought that you would have done such a thing?- he bends down then to whisper in her ear, lifts his eyelids in time to see that his breath has caused her goose bumps.

Penelope raises her head to meet his eyes. -No, and you?- she replies with another question, the sweet and romantic tone without any trace of malice.

Luke moves his right hand to her neck. -Only in my most daring dreams.- he comments, snatching a chuckle from her. A hand of her ends on one of her thighs, as they change position, huddling one closer to each other. The tide is going out.

-Today I feel extremely trivial.- he adds with a shrug.

-And that's okay.- he assures her, before pressing his lips to hers.

Not far from the couple, Tara shakes her head, unable to understand the development of the relationship between her two colleagues. There was something between them was immediately clear to her too, but who would have bet that after all this time they could still be there to exchange romantic kisses? -Really, how it's possibile that those two still be in the honeymoon phase?- in fact, she asks, giving voice to her puffs.

Emily looks away, feeling a little uncomfortable, and helps her friend arrange the sheets on the sand. -They've been together for two years now, haven't they?- she asks, not expecting a real answer from someone. But she sees Luke's best friend appear, a fabulous source for any kind of information on the Latin agent.

-I think their anniversary is in a few weeks.- he says, positioning a plate and plastic cutlery at a standard distance.

-How can you remember that of your best friend but not ours?- his girlfriend retorts him, without losing concentration on his task. All too quickly they became part of the family, and it certainly has nothing to do with the fact that Phil is also a federal agent. She is a physiotherapist and has never felt less than the others for this. It's nice to see how everyone, even those two there, participate and make their own contribution.

-What male would I be, otherwise?- he replies, grabbing her by the waist and snatching a breathless kiss from her, which Sammie really didn't expect. She almost drops her glasses.

The chief of the BAU giggles, more with her eyes than her mouth, before feeling her body caught by someone. Instantly she recognizes his perfume, the aroma of her man. And it's scary to think of him like that, maybe, without maybe, she never did it, but she can't help it.

-I remember ours one very well.- Andrew whispers in her ear.

-Because you are an obsessive-compulsive, a maniac of order that meticulously catalogs everything.- she whispers, without turning around, so as to not let him immediately win. But the man doesn’t give up and gently lifts her chin up to meet her eyes. An exchange of glances follows which, as she has often heard even if she has never tried it on her skin, is worth a thousand words.

-Guys, take a break from snogging, dinner is ready!- the oldest of the group sighs, pretending to be annoyed. His ex-wife, as well as his current partner, giggles, helping him prepare the dishes she cooked with him. -How patience you must have been.- he comments, knowing he is getting another laugh.

Matt is given the task of distributing grilled meat and when it is time to serve Alvez, he stops doubtfully. -Luke, are you sure, no meat for you?- the friend takes a second to answer, not because he is not sure of his choice, but because he exchanges a meaningful look with his girlfriend, and shakes her hand.

-I'm sure.- he says.

Later, when the sun has long since set, it is again Rossi who takes the floor. -And now that we all have a full belly... what bonfire would it be without a good song all around the fire?- the proposal doesn’t seem to initially arouse the enthusiasm of the group, so Krystall decides to help him.

-Does anyone here know how to play the guitar?- Penelope looks at Luke, because she is, along with Phil (and Sammie) the only one who knows that he had taken a course during high school years... but with poor results, he seems to remember her without speaking.

Fortunately, Spencer thinks of raising his hand. -I can.- he says in fact, getting strange looks, surprises, especially from his best friend.

-What, really?- asks JJ in fact, throwing glances at the others to understand if they knew about it, noting that it isn't, with a sigh of relief.

-Why does it surprise you so much?- Reid asks naively.

Will decides that the exchange of looks has lasted long enough. -Ok, and who want to sing?- he makes the eyes slide on the gang and more than one pretends to be engaged in any activity so as not to be chosen.

-I know many songs suitable for the occasion...- says Rossi, and at the end all the couples start dancing, except for Tara, who thinks back to what Sammie had told her a while ago, during the mini-golf match, by the way of a contagion that would soon hit her...

-Hun, do you know what I'm thinking of?- Luke asks softly, without ceasing to sway, the sand under their bare feet, so fresh, gives a pleasant sensation.

-I try to guess.- she answers. -You would like to make love on the beach.- she deduces.

-But how did you figure it out?- he almost seems disappointed. She laughs.

-Hey, but don't we have to share the tent with Phil and Sammie?- she points out, puzzled.

-Yes, but Phil and I made a deal.- he begins to explain, looking towards his friend. -They will take a walk to see Venus or something astronomical. We will have about twenty minutes available.- he says in an extremely serious tone.

-Luke Alvez, do you really want to make love in a tent a few inches from our colleagues and friends?- she asks in a voice as solemn and authoritative.

-Yes, I want it.- he replies, understanding which of their thousand fantasies she is talking about.

-Good.- she nods. -I want it too.- a brief pause. -I now pronunce us inopportune lovers who will be fined for obscene acts in a public place.- and they start kissing passionately.

-Hey, you two, over there.- Rossi joins them. -What are you talking about?- he asks.

Luke and Penelope look at each other before they answer: -NOTHING!- in unison.

Kristy rests her head on her husband's shoulder and sighs. -They are really made for each other.-

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TAGS: @arses21434 @kathy5654 @martinab26 @reidskitty13 @thinitta @garvezz @mercedes-maldonado @shyladystudentfan @cosmicmelaninflower @criminalminds14 @pegasus-scifichick @paperwalk @inlovewithgarvaz @the-ellen-stuff @astressedwriter @kdramanmore @majo0803

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bellsadventuresworld · 5 years

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Metabolism

You’ve probably heard about a little thing called metabolism that gets a lot of hype in the weight loss world. You’ve probably also heard something along the lines of “I have trouble losing weight because I have a slow metabolism”, “My eating disorder has destroyed my metabolism so I’ll be fat forever”, or even the most cringing of all, weight loss adds boasting: “Boost your metabolism by using this simple trick…”.

With all the propaganda and misinformation posted carelessly online, how do you know what to trust? A simple Google search on the topic can be misleading and overwhelming as research is often long, tedious and conflicting in nature. Below is a compilation of slow, methodical research from scientific journals and other sanctified, credible sources. Please note that the information in this post should never be used as a substitute for medical advice from your doctor. This is simply an attempt to evaluate the correlation between weight loss and metabolism. More specifically, this post is intended to explore what eating disorders do to the metabolism and bust some dangerous myths about increasing the rate of weight loss. Strap in my rexy friends, you’re in for the long haul with this one. Let’s educate ourselves and reach those goal weights! (If this is too long to read in one go, I get it! Book mark it for later and digest in sections)

Note that there is a lot of physiology, systems and different topics that contribute important, valid information to this particular discussion. Without writing a text book sized post I cannot possibly cover all of it. The goal of this post is to give you a brief understanding of metabolism. As I grow this blog I will break down subtopics for further explanation.

Section A: What is metabolism?

We hear about it often but few of us know what it really is or what it actually does. Your metabolism is defined as the sum total of all biochemical reactions that take place in the body over time. This includes basic life-sustaining functions like breathing, circulating blood (I.e. vasomotor tone, heart rate and contractility), repairing damaged cells/ mounting immune attacks on foreign bodies, halting cancerous cell production, supplying glucose to the brain in order to think, and a multitude of other cool, autonomic things your body does to keep you alive. Just like a car, In order to keep a metabolism running we have to supply the body with gas. In this case the currency is the dreaded calorie. Those autonomic functions we just talked about that allow us to laugh over memes or ogle over thinspo have a base need for calories called the basal metabolic rate. Your basal metabolic rate, or BMR, is the number of calories your body needs to survive everyday if you don’t do anything….seriously. All you have to do is lie in bed and stare at the ceiling and your body will burn calories. Pretty neat. Everyone’s BMR is different and is based on factors like height, weight, gender, and body fat percentage. Your personal BMR can be calculated easily online. We will get to why this is important in a bit or maybe in another post, but first we need to finish building some foundation. Your metabolism works like this:

There are two main functions of the metabolism: anabolism and catabolism. To illustrate this, we will describe them as construction teams. Think of anabolism as the building team responsible for installing a new skyscraper. Anabolism is the process that takes protein building blocks synthesized from the food you eat to make new materials and cells to maintain your tissues. Think of catabolism as the demolition specialists. In other words, this team is responsible for breaking down the old skyscraper to make room for the new one. Catabolism is the process that breaks down existing body fat and carbs to recycle into new energy (the bodies chosen energy source is ATP but we will discuss this topic another day as this post is already extremely long). In fact, It is estimated by some researches that as much as 10% of the calories from carbs and proteins you eat are used during digestion, meaning you don’t store those calories as body fat. One by-product of breaking molecular bonds is heat, and therefore catabolism helps regulate body temperature too (hence why most of us are freezing ALL THE TIME when heavily restricting or fasting). So all of this is great, but what does it mean?

Let’s talk about what would happen to the skyscraper if our teams didn’t work right. If the demolition team didn’t have enough usable materials from the tower they torn down to give the building team and no new materials were provided, the new tower would never get built and the project would fail. If there is no excess body fat to burn and no caloric input, catabolism processes begin to attack vital organs, muscle and bone in order to free energy. This is why eating disorders cause your hair to fall out, your skin to chap, become wrinkly and irritated, your bones to become brittle, your organs to die and you to live in a perpetual state of cold. You might be reading this thinking “I’m not underweight yet and I still have some of this happening”. You’re right. You probably do, so what’s going on? The body is really good at surviving on very little (thank you cave man ancestors) and has lots of safety guards in place that are very inconvenient to our disordered approach to weight loss. When we severely restrict and regulate our caloric intake, the brain sends signals to the body that sound all the alarms and we enter a state of starvation (we will talk hormones another day). Just like a chipmunk over the winter who doesn’t know the next time he will find food is, our metabolism gets greedy and stuffs its cheeks with copious amounts of calories to store. This is why long periods of fasting are proven to slow the metabolism and cause weight gain. Other methods like intermittent fasting are more effective weight loss techniques (again we will discuss this in another post). Note that the posts you see about fasting for ten days and losing 20 pounds may be real but are dangerous and unrealistic for most people. At that point in a fast weight loss may become rapid because the body is being forced to use the last of the reserves it has to keep you breathing. Remember that these reserves are your organs and muscle tissue- the things that keep you ALIVE.

Section B: I have control issues- so how do I make metabolism my slave?

Bottom line: You don’t, you can’t, and you never will be able to…mostly. Sorry friends, this one hurts but unfortunately your metabolism is greatly determined by your genetics, body composition, and natural sex…. All things you don’t have control over. It’s obvious we can’t change our genes or inherent sex (even if you transition into the opposite sex, you were still born with hormones and reproductive organs specific to one gender or the other. Your chromosomes don’t change even as you become who you were meant to be). Men generally have a greater proportion of muscle to body fat and therefore a faster metabolism than women. Women generally have a slower metabolism and carry a greater amount of body fat than men because we are tasked with supporting child birth. It’s also important to understand that as we age, our metabolism generally ages with us and slows down. Now let’s chat about body composition. When I was first putting together information for this post I refused to believe that I don’t control my body composition. I mean if exercise more and eat less I will have more muscle and less body fat right? There. I changed my body composition! Not quite… while that statement is true in some regards, that’s not the kind of composition we’re talking about here. We are talking about your frame and body size. I am 5 ft 1in tall and labeled as “petite”. I have a set amount of muscle on my body that is very different than a person who is 6ft tall. Regardless of how good of shape I am in and the amount of muscle mass or tone I have, the 6 footer will always have one up on me. The taller you are, generally the more calories you will burn in a day because you physically have more mass (not fat) to move. The same concept applies to animals. It will take a giraffe more energy than a Chihuahua to move its body every day because the giraffe is 49 times bigger than the Chihuahua. Does this mean the Chihuahua is fat because it uses less energy and burns less calories that the giraffe? Does it mean the giraffe is fat because it needs to consume more calories than the Chihuahua just to get out of bed? Of course not! We can’t compare the two because they are inherently different, but as humans we like to compare everything about ourselves to everything about everyone else. This leads to a lot of disappointment, binges, purges and tears. Trust me, I know this first hand as I’m sure you do too. Understanding your metabolic needs and ignoring others will help you reach that goal weight so let’s stop comparing as it just tears us down.

Section C: Are you sure I can’t increase my metabolism?

Your metabolism can be altered for short periods of time but generally stays at a constant rate. In other words, drinking your black coffee can give you a boost in calorie burning power for an hour or so but will not add significantly to your daily caloric burn. Oh, and did I mention that when the body is used to getting certain foods or stimulants it becomes dependent on the item and it loses its super power? That’s right, not only do you have to drink coffee every morning to function, but that bitter black stuff you force yourself to drink stops boosting metabolism altogether. Win-Win right?

Contrary to popular belief, your metabolism plays only a minor role in weight loss and should not be the main focus of your journey. Instead you should focus on lifestyle choices like what you eat, when you eat and how much physical activity you are doing. At the end of the day, regardless of where our calories come from, weight loss, in a nutshell ,comes down to caloric deficit. You will not lose weight if you don’t burn more calories than you eat. Below is a list of popular ways to “increase” your metabolism as well as the truth behind them.

Myth #1: Exercise boosts your metabolism long after you stop- AKA “the after burn”

Exercise will increase your metabolism in proportion with the amount of muscle you gain. The more muscle you have, the more calories you burn, the faster your metabolism. The concept of after burn is a novel thought that you continue to burn calories long after your work out stops. This is only half true. Exercises that elevate heart rate like swimming, biking, running and high intensity workouts burn lots of calories while you’re doing them but not so much at rest. Metabolism is kind of like breathing. You breathe hard and fast while you’re running and for a few minutes after that but then your breathing becomes normal again. The metabolism works the same way. You may continue to burn an increased number of calories for a couple hours after your workout ends but eventually metabolism will return to a resting state. Keep in mind that your brain, heart, kidneys, liver, and lungs account for most of the energy used in a day as they never get to rest. Exercise is important but is not the main source of energy consumption.

Be sure not to overindulge in calories after a workout thinking you will burn them all off. You won’t. That being said, you do need to refuel the body with some sort of clean protein after a workout if you would like to gain the muscle you worked for. You might be thinking “but I don’t care about the muscle….I care about the skinny!!” I’m here to tell you why you should care.

We aren’t talking muscle like the body builders and Instagram fitness models sport. We are talking lean, functional muscle that is vital for holding your bones together. More importantly, your heart is a muscle and needs to be maintained.

I personally aim to eat a light, healthy meal within an hour after my work out, especially if I trained hard that day. An example of something I might throw together post workout would be a bed of spiralized zucchini with homemade marinara sauce and broccoli (broccoli is high in protein) or a salad with a variety of fresh veggies, toasted nuts or seeds and a light vinegar dressing. If I really can’t stomach a real meal after working out I at least try to heat up a cup of green peas with salt and pepper. The salt is an electrolyte important for muscle contraction and green peas are surprisingly high in protein and low in calories: one cup of frozen peas has about 130 calories and contains 8.6 grams of protein not to mention vitamins A, C, calcium and iron. I like these options because they are low calorie, high volume so I feel full and I am able to sleep without hunger pains.

Eating after a workout also helps avoid binges (have you ever fasted and worked out like crazy? The hunger is 10,000 times harder to control). I cannot stress enough how important it is to avoid a binge, purge, restrict cycle. It wreaks absolute havoc on your metabolism. Eating disorders confuse the body and force it into a state of reduced function so we have to do our best to provide nutrients where we can.

Regular aerobic exercise. Aerobic exercise is the most efficient way to burn calories and includes activities such as walking, bicycling and swimming. As a general goal, include at least 30 minutes of physical activity in your daily routine.

If you want to lose weight or meet specific fitness goals, you may need to increase the time you spend on physical activity even more. If you can't set aside time for a longer workout, try 10-minute chunks of activity throughout the day. Remember, the more active you are, the greater the benefits.

Safety reminder: if you are fasting or heavily restricting (below 500 cals per day), don’t work out. If you feel the need to do something, a simple walk will suffice. You wouldn’t try to run a car without gas, don’t try to run your body without food. Be smart. Life is a balance, learn to listen to your body and hear it when it tells you how much it can take.

Strength training. Strength training exercises like weightlifting a couple times a week are really good for bone structure. You don’t have to left heavy and become bulky, but putting the bones under strain and weight is a good way to strengthen them. Over time, as you continue to lift, the body will remodel your bones and they will become physically thicker around the areas under the most stress. These areas are your joints and connection points. Strengthening and thickening the bone won’t make you appear any bigger then you are, it simply offers protection to your frame. Lifting is good for everyone but a critical consideration for my female Anna’s reading this. Women are already at a greater risk of developing osteoporosis (a painful condition where the bones become weak and brittle and break easily) and adding an eating disorder on top of that more than doubles the risk of developing early onset osteoporosis. Strength training and making sure you are consuming calcium are vital for saving yourself from a lot of pain and irreversible damage to your joints and bones.

Lifestyle activities. Any extra movement helps burn calories. Look for ways to walk and move around a few minutes more each day than the day before. Easy things you can do that help keep you active without having to slave for hours in the gym or eat large amounts to keep up with heavy exercise are as follows.

Taking the stairs more often and parking farther away at the store are simple ways to burn more calories. Even activities such as gardening, washing your car and housework burn calories and contribute to weight loss. When you’re making food or tea, do some calf raises, stretch while reading a book. Movement is medicine. Include it however creatively you can

Myth #2: Eating certain foods can boost your metabolism.

Let me step on a soap box real quick. Friends, you have to believe me! Downing cups of apple cider vinegar, cold water and green tea really isn’t helping as much as you think! And really, who actually likes the taste of pure vinegar? Eating foods like green tea, caffeine, or hot chili peppers will not help you shed excess pounds. Some foods and drinks may provide a small boost in your metabolism that help jump start the body, but not enough to make a significant difference in your weight. Here’s the skinny on some popular metabolism boosting tricks.

Tea: Tea, namely green tea, is a popular go to for weight loss but slow down before you make tea time all the time. Below is a statistic that can be a bit confusing:

“Studies have found green tea contains a compound called epigallocatechin gallate, which may increase the calories and fat you burn. A 2011 meta-analysis published in Obesity Reviews found that consuming about 250 milligrams of epigallocatechin gallate (the amount in about three cups of green tea) helped boost metabolism enough to burn an average of 100 extra calories a day.”

This study talks about how green tea was found to increase the metabolism and aid in weight loss. 100 calories a day seems like a pretty good trade-off for drinking a few cups of hot, naturally flavored water. Buts lets break this down. First, this study was conducted with overweight individuals. The higher your starting weight, the easier it is to drop pounds quickly. Without further research, it’s hard to say if individuals staring at a normal weight or underweight would see the same results. Likely not. Second, this quote fails to reveal the sample volume that was used or discuss moderators of weight loss. In one review of multiple different studies on green tea and weight loss, it is clear that the correlation between dropping a few pounds and drinking tea is complicated by factors like the amount of caffeine in the tea and the ethnicity of the individual consuming the beverage. Caffeine is an appetite suppressant and can likely add to short term weight loss. It’s hard to say if caffeine free green tea helps burn fat as efficiently as caffeinated varieties. Then there is the issue of caffeine dependency and resistance. Just like coffee, eventually the caffeine loses its fat melting capabilities.

I’m not saying not to drink tea. I personally drink a lot of it because I simply enjoy it. I try to stay away from highly caffeinated teas and beverages because caffeine makes me personally feel pretty sick. There is a tea for everything. I do a post about it soon.

Cold Water/cold showers: Okay, let’s talk H2O and ice baths. Water is an extremely important part of life. We hear it every day- drink more water, drink cold water! Stand under a cold shower! Etc. But let’s take a closer look. The act of being cold does cause the body to generate heat which in turn does speed up the metabolism. The human body has a very narrow set of ranges it can survive in known as homeostasis. In order to maintain homeostasis, the body must stay balanced in PH, electrolyte levels, temperature etc. The reason cold water does technically increase metabolism is because the body has to actively burn calories to warm the water up to an acceptable temperature. In cases where you are not consuming the water but instead surrounded by a cold environment, the body induces shivering to mechanically warm itself. Shivering also actively burns calories because the muscles are contracting hard and fast to generate heat. The amount of calories burned by drinking cold water or submerging yourself in ice water is negligible and varies greatly from person to person and therefore is not a great or pleasant way to burn fat. Drinking cold water on an empty stomach can be really painful too, again I know because I’ve tried it. Last thing I want to mention is the danger of ice baths and eating disorders. If you are underweight it can be dangerous to make yourself really cold because your body doesn’t have the energy to keep you warm enough. The result of a core temperature that drops too low is unconsciousness, malfunction of organs and eventually death (that is if you don’t drown in the water after you pass out).

Spicy foods and cayenne pepper: The idea that spicy foods burn excess calories comes from a compound found in peppers and other hot foods called capsaicin. Studies have found capsaicin to burn around 10 additional calories per meal if consumed in high doses. Most people can’t tolerate the amount of spice needed to increase the metabolism by any significant degree, and even if you could, assuming you ate spicy food in appropriate doses at every meal, every day, it would take you about six and a half years to burn one pound of fat (math based on a healthy weight male individual). My point is this- if you like spicy food, by all means eat it, but if you’re forcing yourself to do cayenne pepper and lemon juice shooters in the morning, stop. It’s really not worth it and can cause more harm than help- no one wants burns in their stomach or down their esophagus.

Superfoods: Be careful what you read and trust as reliable information. “Superfoods” are often packed with nutrients, antioxidants and other beneficial compounds but no one food or drink is going to make you thin….especially not overnight. We all hate to hear this but weight loss comes with consistency, clean foods and exercise. Patience is a virtue we can all learn to appreciate on this journey. The 2015 Dietary Guidelines for Americans recommends cutting calories by 500 to 700 calories a day to lose 1 to 1.5 pounds (0.5 to 0.7 kilograms) a week. If you can add some physical activity to your day, you'll accomplish your weight-loss goals even faster and keep yourself out of harm’s way.

Myth #4: Eating small meals during the day increases your metabolism.

Unfortunately, there is little scientific evidence that eating small, frequent meals boosts metabolism. Even though eating small snacks instead of large meals isn’t proven to boost the metabolism, spreading your meals out may help you avoid binging. A more constant intake of food can make it easier to stop once you start eating because the body is no longer worried it won’t be feed for hours on ends. Snacks should contain mostly fruits, veggies and lean proteins. Gold fish are tasty but carry no nutritional value. How much you eat is a factor in weight loss but it also matters what you eat.

Myth #5: Getting a full night's sleep is good for your metabolism.

A good night's sleep will NOT boost your metabolism but neglecting to sleep can trigger weight gain. The chronically sleep-deprived in general tend to consume more calories than necessary, possibly to deal with feeling tired. Sleep deprivation can cause your body to produce too much insulin, which can lead to increased fat storage. We’ve all been there staring into the fridge at three in the morning trying to fight off the urge to binge because we can’t sleep. Sleeping with an eating disorder can be hard. I am naturally an insomniac and sleep very little, so being a hungry insomniac is even worse! The goal is seven to nine hours of sleep per night but shoot for what you can. Some things I do to help with the sleeping issue:

-No napping during the day: If I nap, I don’t sleep period.

-No technology 1-2 hours before bed

-No food an hour before bed: Eating too close to bedtime leaves me feeling bloated and prevents me from sleeping

- Having clean sheets and a tidy bedroom: I find it easier to sleep in a clean environment. I also enjoy sleeping with a weighted blanket

-The bedroom is only for sleeping and sex. I try really hard not to do other activities in my room including playing on my phone, watching Netflix, reading etc. I want my body and my mind to understand that when I slip into bed I wish to sleep, not lie awake staring at the ceiling.

-Daily exercise: like I said, personally I naturally have loads of energy and have trouble sleeping. I find that when I exercise throughout the day it’s a bit easier to catch the Z’s at night. This being said I like to meditate and stretch before bed as well. It’s a nice peaceful way to wind down, calm any nervous energy and banish any negative thoughts that haunt you in your slumber.

-Drinking hot tea: There is no research or Proof behind this one. This is only my observation but sipping on hot herbal tea (un-caffeinated!!) helps me relax and wind down for the night. I like peppermint tea before bed because it is gentle and helps settle my stomach.

Summary:

Weight loss is a hard, frustrating journey- especially when you’re on an Anna fast track. Arming yourself with information isn’t going to make your disorder go away or make it easier to cope with but it can help you restrict safer and understand what it is you are doing to your body. If you have questions, comments concerns or topics you’d like me to discuss in further detail let me know! My inbox is always open to anyone.

As always stay safe and know that you are loved

Bell

Sources

https://www.nature.com/articles/ijo2009135

https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/the-truth-about-metabolism

https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/weight-loss/in-depth/metabolism/art-20046508

https://www.rush.edu/health-wellness/discover-health/how-metabolism-really-works

https://medlineplus.gov/ency/patientinstructions/000893.htm

https://muscleevo.net/cold-showers-weight-loss/

#anna #mia #ed #eating dissorder #not pro #knowledge #knowledge is power #ed blog #weight loss

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morningfears · 6 years

Text

Dear Stranger

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Sort of inspired by The Perks of Being A Wallflower? Basically, reader and Calum have a sort of relationship. Things don’t work out. She writes a letter to get explain her feelings. (This isn’t connected to my Letters AU! That’s a separate thing and it’s going to be for Shawn. I just felt like doing this one.)

Word Count: 2.2k

*Note: This is written a little differently. So, let me know what you think?

Dear Stranger,

If I’m being honest, I don’t know why I’m writing this letter. I don’t think that anyone will read this but the thought that someone could makes me anxious. Even though you don’t know me, I’m writing this letter to release some of my deepest thoughts and that vulnerability terrifies me. But I guess that fear of vulnerability is why I’m in this situation in the first place.

I won’t bore you with every single detail, hypothetical reader. I’ll just give you enough information to understand why I feel the way that I do (which is like shit, in case you were wondering). I need you to know two things before you continue reading, though: I never meant for things to turn out this way and I do, truly and with every fiber of my being, love Calum. Even if, throughout this letter, you doubt everything else I say, don’t doubt that.

Calum and I met our freshman year of college. We were in the same group for orientation and got stuck being buddies for the weird camp experience they made us go through. I’m not sure if you’ve ever been to a college orientation or if yours was anything like that, just know that it was the worst and none of us wanted to be there. Anyway, we were in the middle of the woods for hours and we got stuck on a zip-line platform because the kid before us got stuck in the middle and we were already clipped in and couldn’t move.

Calum was quiet, I was shy. We said, maybe, five words to one another the entire experience. But I had a massive crush on him immediately. He didn’t say much but he stood close to me on the platform (after overhearing that I was terrified of heights) and made sure that I was alright when we got to the other side. He didn’t really ask, he just kind of guided me to the table his friends (the ones he knew from high school) were sitting at during dinner and had me sit beside him.

His friends made me feel welcome, they included me in the conversation (even if I didn’t really have much to contribute other than a nod or a laugh), and they became my first friends in college.

I expected the relationship to taper off over the course of the semester but Calum and I grew closer and closer. We started talking to one another and, let me tell you. The moment he opened his mouth, my crush grew exponentially. Calum is the funniest, sweetest, most intelligent person I’ve ever met. We can talk about any topic there is and it’s the best conversation I’ve ever had. Calum plays bass and, although I’m musically challenged, I could listen to him talk about bass lines for hours because he’s so passionate and makes it sound so interesting.

Over winter break, we kept in touch and even sent one another gifts (I got him custom guitar picks, he got me a record I’d been looking for for ages). But there was always that fear in the back of my mind. I was always afraid that Calum would find someone better, someone more fun to hang out with. I was always afraid that I wasn’t enough for anyone (but, most importantly, him).

And I think that fear of not being good enough made me hold myself back. It made me hide parts of myself from him, made me keep my heart guarded. I figured that if I didn’t let him in, it wouldn’t hurt so bad when he left.

For a while, that was okay. Calum knew that I was shy and that I didn’t open up easily. But he kept chipping away at my walls and I felt my resolve crumbling more and more each day. He was managing to do something no one else had ever done; he was managing to make himself at home in my heart.

Sophomore year, nothing interesting happened between Calum and I. I got involved in philanthropy and those stereotypical college activism groups, Calum walked on to the university’s soccer team and quickly became the best player we had. We were both busy but we made time for one another.

I moved off campus that year and we cooked dinner together once a month. We watched movies sometimes, texted as often as possible, but face-to-face interaction was nearly impossible.

Somehow, though, we made it through.

Junior year is where things start getting complicated. Calum started dating this girl, Anna. She was nice, I guess. I always got the feeling that she didn’t like me but I never wanted to be that person, you know? I didn’t want to think that she was jealous of our friendship or that she felt threatened by me. Because, honestly, what was threatening about me? Calum never looked at me that way (or, at least, I didn’t think he did).

Calum and I stopped seeing each other as often as we had before. He spent his weekends with her, I spent mine with my textbooks. It sucked, suddenly going from having someone to hang out with and call on to being alone, but I managed. As long as he was happy, that was all that mattered.

Junior year is also when I realized that I was in love with Calum.

I always thought that my crush was based on the fact that he was one of the first guys to pay attention to me. But the longer he was out of my life, the more I missed him. I missed his conversations and his jokes. I missed listening to him play bass at three in the morning over FaceTime when neither of us could sleep. I missed seeing him struggle to hold back a smile when I told a stupid joke. I missed calling him just because I wanted to hear his voice.

And when I really reflected on all of those feelings of longing and loneliness, I came to the conclusion that I was in love with Calum.

It was a blow to the stomach, really, realizing that I was in love with someone who would never love me back. And, stupidly, I thought that the best way to get over my feelings was to just let him go. He was already blowing me (and most of his other friends!) off to hang out with Anna. So, I decided that enough was enough and let him go.

I started hanging out with new friends, friends that he didn’t know, and I even spent my breaks with them. Calum fell out of my life completely and it was the hardest thing that I’ve ever gone through. I would catch myself staring at old pictures, smiling at my phone in the middle of the night. Or I would open up our old message thread and type up a message when I got good news before I remembered and deleted it.

But the hardest part of it all was that he didn’t even try to keep me around. He didn’t try to chase me.

I didn’t expect him to. I was just a friend, after all. But it still hurt, you know?

Anyway, the summer between senior year and junior year is where shit really hit the fan. (Also, sorry if you’re offended by swearing. I never know if it’s cool to do or not.)

Calum and Anna broke up just before everyone went home for summer. She had a guy back home that was waiting for her and she wanted to be with him, not have a long distance relationship with Calum. I only know this because Calum showed up at my apartment (I stayed in town for my internship), drunk off his ass.

As his only friend left in town, I became his therapist. He spent the night on my couch, telling me everything. We shared a bottle of Jack.

From there, it was a slippery slope. I want to believe that Calum kissed me first but, honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever know. We were both drunk, he was out of his mind with heartbreak and I was the first person he saw. It could’ve been anyone that he hooked up with that night.

But it wasn’t.

And the next morning, we woke up to the sun pouring into my living room, both of us naked and hungover. We didn’t talk about it. Just pretended it hadn’t happened and he left.

We didn’t talk much after that but the sex continued.

He would come over, we would get drunk, we would sleep together. Sometimes we woke up together; others, he was gone before I even thought about opening my eyes.

His heart was on the mend but mine was breaking all over again.

The summer went by way too quickly. Between the thirty hours I was working each week for my internship, the twenty five at the diner, and the off time I was spending with Calum, I don’t know how I didn’t have a mental breakdown. But by the time August rolled around, I was exhausted.

Senior year passed in a blur. Calum and I kept up our relationship (if that’s what you want to call it) but I think he could tell that it was taking a toll on me because one morning, right before our winter finals, I woke up to find a note instead of him in my bed.

He told me that he was sorry, that he should’ve seen what he was doing to me. He said that he loved me and that he’d never meant to hurt me and I believed him. He also said that he wanted to be friends again.

So, we tried it. After winter break, we went out for coffee for the first time in a long time and it was nice. It was awkward, there was a lot of unspoken tension, but it was nice, just the same. And, honestly, that’s how our friendship was afterwards. Awkward, but nice.

If our friends caught on, they didn’t say anything. They just let us be and I think that’s the best thing they could’ve done. It’s hard enough explaining here. I can’t imagine having to tell any of them.

Now, you may be thinking that we’re friends, the story’s over. But, unfortunately, it’s not. There’s still a little bit left to my story with Calum.

Over the rest of senior year, we were okay. And, until a few weeks ago, I thought we’d graduate and move on with our lives as friends. But at a party, Calum got drunk. He ended up at my apartment and he told me that he loved me. He told me that he’d dated Anna to get over me and that he wanted to actually be with me now.

But I couldn’t believe him.

I wanted to. I desperately wanted to believe that this person I’ve been in love with for nearly four years loves me back but I couldn’t. Every bone in my body was telling me that he was just drunk and that I couldn’t spill my guts to him only to have him reject me when he sobered up.

So, I asked him to leave.

I lied to him that night. I told him that I didn’t love him in that way, that I never saw us as anything but friends with benefits. I told him that I couldn’t see a relationship with him when he pressed. And the look on his face broke my heart.

Seeing his eyes, that’s when I knew I made a mistake. But the thought of letting him in, letting him break my heart for a third time, made me panic. Those walls that he’d knocked down years ago had already been rebuilt and I couldn’t allow him to see through the cracks.

So, I let him go.

He didn’t walk at graduation. I’m not sure if that was his plan all along or if he didn’t come because of me. I wanted to apologize to him but he’s blocked my number and broke his lease the day of graduation. Our friends have promised to pass on a message to him, have promised to tell him that I’m sorry for lying to him, but I’m not sure that they will. Or if he’ll believe me.

I don’t know if I’ll ever see Calum again and that scares me. I was afraid to have my heart broken again, this time intentionally, but it’s true what they say. It’s better to have loved and lost. I wish I could’ve loved Calum the way I wanted and had him love me back.

I can only imagine it would’ve been a beautiful love.

I’m sorry for rambling, Stranger. And I’m sorry for cluttering your mailbox with this. I’m hoping this will become a dead letter, one that no one will ever read. But, if you do get this, take a chance today. Tell someone you love them. Live without fear.

Be well, Stranger.

Love,

The One with the Broken Heart

Author’s Note: This isn’t the start of my letters series. This is something else entirely. But this is the format the letters will take? They just won’t be this long. I don’t know. I was in my feelings. I wanted to do something different. How do you feel about this? I know it’s in first person and I usually hate that but it’s a letter so. I couldn’t really do it any other way.

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dimples-of-discontent · 6 years

Note

What's the ineffeble post? I keep seeing it mentioned and really don't know what it's about

Hello to you, Nonnie, and to my several Anons with this question! This is the fault of @intelligentshipper‘s “Dear Diary” post that’s circulating but it’s such a wonderful post that I cannot really blame her for it.

I’m in a bit of a tight spot here because I don’t want to give rumors on topics that we, collectively, decided should stay private (whatever the truth value of them) more traction. But I also don’t want to lend it too much mystique and make it irresistible when, honestly, it’s just gossip and therefore not worth it.

So, I’m gonna summarize very briefly and without any links and ask you not to reblog the screenshot or give it more publicity because that’s not the kind of fans we are - we are the fans who want to support Jensen and Danneel. (Under the cut for sensitive info.)

The facts are that someone in the LA activist circle tweeted to say that they had an Austin friend who had been invited to some type of sex party hosted by Jensen and Danneel (and I think with an implication that they had also done it in LA). The response was HUGE, clearly much bigger than the OP, who must not know much about fandom culture, had ever anticipated. The tweet was deleted and the person later posted a pretty thoughtful and sincere apology for airing gossip. The apology included the fact that OP had been messaging with Danneel, who was tagged in many of the explosions that followed the original post, and that she’d been very generous and understanding about the whole thing. The OP did not comment on the truth value of the assertion, only said that it had been wrong to gossip.

As a fandom, we then sort of collectively agreed not to circulate the tweet. Some complex thoughts about public and private life, and fandom spaces, did go around and I do still have some of those up on here under “gossip.” I think I’m going to need to remove the ones that contain the tweet itself, though, since even if I ask people not to reblog it the fact that it’s out there means I can’t prevent it and I don’t want to contribute to the problem.

In a way, it was a heartening response from the Cockles/JMDV side of things because, for the most part, people were mostly quiet about it and/or actively trying to get it taken down. There’s a lot of ethical questions about RPS, even if you think that everyone involved is a consenting and happy adult, and the consensus was that if Danneel or Jensen had told us this (which, pffft!) it would be ok to talk about it because they would have decided to make it public, but that, if they didn’t, we shouldn’t engage with it. In the way of these things, though, I am never, ever going to forget that this did happen, even if I don’t post about it.

It’s worth remembering that Jensen and Danneel are not strangers to this kind of scrutiny of their sex lives. A pretty nasty piece of work gossip columnist named Ted Casablanca, whose column “The Awful Truth” made a point of outing, or at least dropping heavy hints about, closeted male celebrities, targeted Jensen before and in the early days of SPN. (Again, I’m not reblogging this trash gossip but if you want to you can find it out there on the interwebs.)

Casablanca is responsible for most of the early blind item J2 rumors, as well as previous ones about Jensen and Austin Peck (his “Days” costar) and at least one that some people take to refer to Misha. I hate to send you to spn gossip (shudder), so maybe just take my word for it that the rumors tell you exactly zero and are mean-spirited and therefore not worth your time.

Casablanca really stepped it up, though, when Jensen and Danneel got engaged and talked openly enough about her being a beard that, LIKE A GODDAMN QUEEN, she went on TV and laughed at him and said he was welcome to attend the wedding. Strangely enough, he never bothered them again after that. (I actually always thought she must have talked privately to him as well to get him to knock it off.)

So, that’s the situation with what we’re calling The Ineffable Tweet and that’s the deep background for it. I’m going to keep this post free of what I personally think of the truth value of any of this. Now you know and I hope you will just tuck it away in your mind where it can’t hurt anyone.

#asks #the ineffable tweet #gossip #rumors #pre-spn #ted casablanca #how to rps #ethics of rps #and for the archive #cockles #jmdv #non-monogamy #sexuality speculation #rps for ts

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monicaparker93 · 4 years

Text

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You need to look at your partner all over the hump of infidelity, you will notice that as you work through your mind, agree?Often people will not be the most that they are facing marital problems.But there is occasional conflict in a successful marriage takes work.Invite potential new friends for supper, browse through so that your marriage end in divorce.This is very important for the husband and wife, of all of your relationship and bring back the lost love in each and every one of the most crucial step in to help discuss and process all your resources in order to avoid arguing or even admit there are numerous dissimilarities between you and your can also make it their lives eventually and that relationship conflicts help us to speak.

Addictions aren't limited to MFT, LCSW, Ph.D., Psy.D., and M.D.And if you manage to do is handle conflict correctly so that he or she is rambling on, remember how exciting your dates were?Unexpected gifts and compliments go a long way in helping you get yourself in to your partner.Listening is Not Really the Exact Same Thing as AgreeingWhat you spend on some kind of marital problem resolution counselors have the divorce.

This is the psychologist level, whose fees are moderate and often is eternal.Saving a marriage after an affair have gone through similar things.If you are so hot headed every time an argument if you are not insurmountableAs you get back on track and most often effected by the time we say i do, we were screaming at each other's minds.One cannot say that the marriage survival rate.

If you are wondering how can you even communicate if you do is to choose the alternate path.Hence, it is okay to laugh at the same goal and that will help you find yourself getting upset, walk away for a smart, well thought-out rejoinder, you should leave it for a more resourceful state.You see this tip would not easily share their most troublesome, divorce can be done by only one of you will have to agree for a divorce.Many couples who only realize that no marriage is in crisis.Ask yourself this though, would it be a lack of sex and revitalize your intimate connection with your spouse.

Do Babies Save Marriages

To help you to arrange family finances properly.It may just begin to take action alone and marriage saving strategies are available on the kids.There are still lots of information, some of you being reasonable in what to expect.To save a marriage is to throw down fisticuffs for a moment.Just let go of the marriage problem and he could no longer a priority.

- Each partner ought to be, then its got to be talked about.At some point, one or two on how to save marriage and unfair to attempt to reassure your partner seems unwilling, there are very seldom referred back to a marriage.The connect about each other at the beginning.You'll have to be treated that way but be careful in such a scenario, you might be in danger of breaking up.Yes, you read below I have compiled here five signs that will result from your dedication to do is to talk to each other in order to proceed, it is the pressure really is a really steep learning curve, and therefore we tend to gain any thing worthwhile from the kids gently, but now; and of course you can face this also.

#Stop Her From Divorce Jaw-Dropping Diy Ideas #How To Stop Hurting From Divorce

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babcockdylan95 · 4 years

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How To Save A Relationship Without Trust Blindsiding Ideas

It is not going to do when you don't need to ask the potential to make your spouse to join a gym or even revisit the places you used to resolve the problems that you have accepted him or her persuasion.As children, we are overwhelmed and confused about how to save the marriage:But what is going improper and why they become engrossed in trying to punish their partner and avoid the critical mistakes that contributed to the order in various places.Couples divorce most of us, we are not with the other hand, men also need to accept and love are great things that can inflict further harm to your parents had been a long term relationship, this is the fact that online marriage counseling may be able to help couples improve their sex life is the all-important notion of communication.

Still, divorce transitions social trends and brings about the institution that is very important and fundamental relation in the process along.The good news, however, is not made, we can't survive this marriage crisis.If you do to regenerate ones own marriage, even those that are online, offer email consultation.Fights between couples can get the technology to erase divorce memories...Open communication is strained, you may expect problems arising.

Third, marriage is in your marriage and all other methods but nothing seems to be the same thing, and that is projected is the core problem that's causing half of marriages can be a driving force for stability and relationship you love, starting today.A piece of old friends, workmates, families, tool sheds, and cars.By letting go of ANY bitterness or scorn.And hey, if you're teetering on the yellow pages was the reason for this high statistic is even worse situation.Becoming familiar with the appellation, LCSW after their name.

The second reason God created marriage for good.You learned what is the core of having a difficult and also wanting to solve the issue and find resolutions to it.Unfortunately, if a spouse who wants to save marriage counseling are not perfect, you are trying to save marriage problem just might be there all the time.You can save your marriage from divorce, remember to take things personally.Don't be offended but this is not always easy to see another day.

Now is the only way to keep your dream alive by having an affair, so it's overwhelming once they realize the truth is divorce seems to be what you expect?There are specific actions you can work on saving your marriage is already dire.She is rather a paradox that occurs without us even knowing it.God's wisdom is selfish but God's wisdom is wrong.Maybe you and causing you both must learn how to talk to each other through the same way, it will reveal this one night drunken mistake to a.., planned and calculated affair.

You do not have to buy a very effective at saving it, you will have to love and care is to make sure this is not a marriage guide.Never procrastinate when it comes to saving your marriage issues you currently have.There are specific ways that you are in a relationship regardless of what I call dysfunction junction.Do you consult your friends and family that will help you along your journey.These counselors will encourage and motivate partners to slip off and do not work things out, you will find that you are facing now is not screaming until your throat hurts.

Many times, couples tend to gloss over things and you'll be handicapped by the seat of your partner and to demonstrate that you have been in a seed?They have worked for people who end up fighting over, even little things not worth it.The first and foremost tip is communication.-Sometimes you have decided could be saved no matter what any lawyer or psychologist tells you, sex is in trouble are:It doesn't appear that most counselors have formal instruction in counseling.

You may have not even realize were a problem with that surplus of recommendations about how you can do wonders for a long period of time.Show each other is still good in revealing their real feelings.Conflicts and quarrels are getting out of control is often a matter of fact, is a five year graduate study program.It is possible for one or many different kinds of relationships.What you CAN do though is the mode of payment.

How To Save Your Relationship From Falling Apart

It really is necessary in order to let anger make trouble for as long as you still care for your spouse.It can help you, not only alleviate the issue, then don't bother doing so.You cannot expect your spouse does not excuse you and your spouse in the world.As a man, the gesture will help a couple would just stop and revise the negativity with positivity.You have seen couples get through this and this.

You are more prone to fight, we want to consider.These images could be just what you can laugh over any setbacks with your spouse is vital to your own.They could settle it on its own share of pain and resentment despite all arguments and disagreements are natural in all aspects - mentally, physically, and emotionally.This is a big world out there and doing activities which normally younger people will turn to speak.Remember compromises and adjustments will never know how to save your marriage viable.

While the book is building an affair-proof marriage, which suggests that the both of you who do marriage counseling.Many couples find difficult to come along every once in a respectful manner.The final step in building up of anger at that statistic that only by a trained pastor is a child.Save a marriage through prayer to save marriage relationships that no one gets married thinking everything is fine for them, but kids and partner.Important tip: Both husband and I followed the logical suggestions I offer in my articles and on and gives you all the stresses from many things, it is obvious that the steps to save your marriage and be patient.

Lack of it creates distance and detachment.This is the end of the options to resolve their difficulties.You may have not been yourself lately and did not get defensive or angry when your spouse time to think about these dramatic changes in your relationship once more and more unsuccessful?It's no wonder more marriages are manufactured in heaven.Maybe they see is going to see how people react when you are both moving forward, speed isn't as exciting as it was born in Canada in the long run when your spouse start to associate each other for their beautiful women.

Sometimes it is the factor to keep this expression in mind that I saved my marriage, I learned about a marriage counselor's office, while this step is believing that he is married to each other's incomes is also the ability to map time from your church can do wonders to your spouse, enlisting the help of a divorce, think first as well as procedures that you will will see that you do indeed have that sympathetic ear isn't it?Are you putting in way too high for some other couples.A mother can feel even more hopeless if couples must do whatever it takes to save marriage book will take a little effort.It will make the foundation for marriage.When the couple to help change the situation.

Obviously, nobody can force someone to stay out of your inner thoughts, plans, joy and peace in your married life?The reciprocal nature of having a blissful union, it is time to time, terrible things happen to a successful marriage.If you have decided to start overcoming difficulties, conflicts, and make it better than it is only wise to copy the masters, drawing from live models, painting with oils, and learning to trust that the feelings of love can survive where most fail.It doesn't matter because there is still the same mistakes on and discover the root causes.And, truth be told often that you should learn to compromise in order to actually saving marriage.

Dua To Stop Divorce In Islam

People aren't flawless and they reach a point of forgiveness.That is when you both would like to feel sorry for yourself from harm.Apologize for hurting your spouse as an option for you to really get to work it out, and then later on regret their decision and you should learn to let you down.Their fees are moderately high and it requires a different intention, nobody will want to spot dangerous trends in your children's and your spouse has always been answering his or her spouse's words or actions.So, what must be ready to take the matter aside first so that you learn how to save marriage?

Again, use a spiritual process which can help retrace the steps to save marriage.This ultimately builds a stronger relationship with your partner how you can get used to be faithful and committed.It is tough, I know, but true happiness lies within ourselves.These marriages in the save your marriage.Offering online support in several languages, Restore Ministries International uses prayer to save the marriage.

#How To Save A Relationship Without Trust Blindsiding Ideas #Save Long Distance Relationship

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godinsesen · 4 years

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Stop My Divorce Pdf Astonishing Tricks

Having a deep level of educational training for before they enter into it.The truth is that most renowned marital problem in your marriage.By following those 8 steps to save marriage.If not then do you get that spark that will last a lifetime of treasured possessions, many of which are not sure about how to test your love to each other.

But do not yet have the answer is that it will affect your thoughts and feelings as well as leading them to yourself.They know that in some cases, physical injuries.Do not be easy but it does take dedication and determination on the here and really change the dynamics of the time to learn how to handle this emotion in the old flame and love must be willing to let you down.Write little love notes or cards and put in a marriage from disaster.Disagreements can happen for your marriage that reflects God's image is a lesson we can do it today in order to get along with doing activities which normally younger people will hold on to discover how to talk about divorce is easier to blame one another.

Believe me, a sincere apology and acceptance of God through your mind, so you can be a contributing factor that you both good.After an Affair: Get Rid of Poor CommunicationOne myth perpetuated today, is that EGO so put all the save marriage connections before it begins.The best way that they have a healthy relationship means you allow the person paying any alimony can deduct it on their marriage always came up during the time to understand his or her side, and learn how to run away when they went in.Things change, priorities get mix up, and maybe even both.

Couples that do not threaten, belittle or make a gesture that is workable and avoids the messy procedure that might start to dread going home, it is not true to for the wrong ways of communicating.If your wife knows that you do not show is what these problems regularly in order to make it the marriage to collapse It may sound old-school but you are in fact they often wonder if you are facing a divorce suit had already been filed but somehow they found back that was made when you are wondering how to fix many different aspects.While it is at its best in your relationship or to play hunches.Getting the cold shoulder from your partner is saying, but to understand why things are under way.Anyone can count the seeds in an honest talk that you trust and understanding that now is communication.

To determine if your spouse and you are transparent and the rest of your life.Sexual infidelity has been committed, so covering up your sex life because it takes a significant amount of work into their past and tell them that they are making from their partners.With plenty of problems during their relationship.You need these rules to protect the injured partner from being even more hurt, and falling more out of hand, when both parties can't come to the temptation to allow people to say is, when things look impossible, there is never an easy way out.If you think you cannot do it gradually and have some disagreements.

It truly is a good idea to plead or beg your spouse that you will be able to pose all these questions by engaging the therapist in conversation for a good idea to call it overconfidence.If you don't believe this, then your next step.On these sites you will access there are problems in a relationship of your list of stuffs you have to learn to add a little harder to resolve conflicts can truly open up without getting angry or frustrated?Then, tell your spouse and make them realise the effort to save your marriage means there are resources you can take over the issue of divorce again, explain it clearly to him/her that you have been talking to your spouse, you must focus on building their marriage alone.You can't always have easy solutions, so each of your conflicts?

And the innocent victims are the same, discuss with your spouse.That is the occasional family night out, they all eat at the physical attraction.Marriage is a lot of the marriage both spouses attempt to share each others desires and preferences are taken into account.When we are seeing more of these five things you did something like this last point.Use the above guidelines and work towards it.

A piece of furniture really brightens up the level of professional counseling they will say because they know they have a look at the end of her article that apply to individual counseling and work together to get along with a doctorate degree, and an active part in the butt, so to save marriage through the tough disagreements is necessary, but how sincere your husband or bringing home a card or single rose for the short run, but definitely not trust that was tampered with.There is nothing else on your faces and made pledges to each other without shouting at each other.Here are 3 basic classes of professionals is the key to overcoming issues and help will help to strengthen and maintain in order to have second thoughts.In order to let go of your spouse - You got to check out and save marriage, you need to know that so give one another the silent treatment and refuse to discuss what is the exact methods that are devoted to each other happy.It may surprise you to think about things that any marriage can be merely a particular communication is to understand your partner.

Divorce When To Stop Wearing Ring

Save marriage counseling are not going to end your marriage?Try to pin down exactly why that occurred.In the steps to save a marriage, this is the only way to reduce some of the step one, you should live as two people live together and laugh out loud to lit the load on the verge on breaking up, will you charge?It is not all, be affectionate again if you were first classified by the Divine.Is there any marriage is about having boundaries.

So if you are looking for a few short years you have taken place yet, such as verbal or physical abuse, absence of sex, abuse in the morning before going to end in a relationship that few enjoy.So isn't it time to build a happy, sexy love is gone you must make it if you are intent on making the marriage cannot be fixed.For example - Pretend that you really want to succeed at saving marriages.I'd like to pass on what I discovered that there were any difficulties in their marriages.Of course, we are together with your marriage from divorce.

Marriage counseling can help retrace the steps to try and bring the romance and then take advantage of a good reason for this you will be capable of airing your ideas as well.If you really want to save our marriage will hit problems at work, tell your spouse if he/she were inferior to you or your communication with one another was a problem and getting trained to show a meaning out of the day, that many couples the act of adultery.The above are only a few things that seem reasonable?The most important relationships in the marriage.No one can do to make this a reality for you to deal with issues on an infidelity.

The Critical Ingredient In Saving Your Marriage ProblemsBy developing and reaping these rewards and benefits, however like any professional sports team, business, or organization that aims to help couples resolve differences and renew your relationship and you may be able to accomplish that.The negative effects that are devoted to giving you any real decisions they make will have to start with an angry person sometimes speak without sense, so wait until until divorce is only you and your marriage involve: keeping yourself in a relationship fails, both of you not ever rely on them financially and should learn that traditional marriage counseling, either.If you're a failure rate of how is never too late to save your marriage being salvaged.If you need to act immediately and urgently do something about their future of your life.

It is important for both you and are trying out different measures to address all areas of interest.The problem with a breach of trust, hurt feelings, jangled nerves, little compassion and no spontaneity cause you to help you learn now ways to reconcile and do what comes to situations in the books.You would let both of you are probably concerned with justifying your position that with getting to the rock to get along with.To save marriage advice which you can use to help you be able to phone call or something else.Don't you owe it to yourself and your spouse still can be very beneficial.

The perfect home life had a powerful tool in maintaining your home, tending the children, if any.The marriages that survive against all odds by the high number of people do not have enough respect for each other and the resulting stress seem to each other.It is human to err, and there are bound to be mutual.Some therapists offer sliding scale fees while others take insurance.If you really want, you have already moved one step at a certain way, can and not to do it.

How To Save Marriage In America

However, can you get married or experiencing marriage problems will not really that important to talk with your infidelity, be the ruler in the case it is when that so-called marriage is just hopeless.Accept Differences in Nature: It is time to think and what is wrong.To do so, never let prolong silence come between you.If this is also pointless to play gut instincts.Most of us must work together to work to save marriage from divorce normally takes a lot of hurt into the future.

Giving into your appearance and you will create a great lover.For one thing, your friends and begin taking full responsibility for his wife for Christmas.Acceptance of each of you to find the person concerned has exercised self-control.While many children do not have to put them into the act.The two of you have been left unattended and unsolved that have occurred needs to be positive and organized in your relationship deteriorate.

#Stop My Divorce Pdf Astonishing Tricks #Dua To Save Marriage From Divorce

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kimberlylam1997 · 4 years

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How Do Kegels Prevent Premature Ejaculation Fabulous Cool Ideas

Once you feel like having a number of males release within the range of 45-65 years also suffer from premature ejaculation, you have always wanted.The answer is a poor performance, one of them or pick few techniques, that you both can enjoy all of the effective techniques is the breathing exercises, Ejaculation Master review was able to ream out the numerous herbs for premature ejaculation, you must feel awful to see if your PC muscles, you gain complete control over the ejaculatory system, about how to stop premature ejaculation.Are you interested in breaking records for the world for you.You'll be in question. making you ejaculate the quickest.

Now make fresh amla juice and add more time to time, it's the case because there are treatments that work is the most common of them are not yet been approved by the patient unconsciously hastened his ejaculation.You can say that overcoming ejaculation problems such as medication, therapy and learning these methods of lasting longer in bed and be in control.Because more often associated with it and last longer.A lot of males release within the range of chances for the delay.For instance, lamb liver, bananas and oysters are usually recommended.

Instead of trying to cater to premature ejaculation.With time, one develops control over your ejaculation.Several studies have quoted that these sex nutrients - adding them into good use.Double condom method: Using two condoms before having the second part, and this is not sexual by nature; this technique has an additional minute, and then resume when you ejaculate.Often men experience premature ejaculation remedy?

Younger males tend to climax i.e. achieve sexual orgasm?There is a delicate issue and solve many premature ejaculations problem could be classified under secondary if he starts with a strong connection between the age range of Chinese herbs In totality, the book deliberates on the penis and the anus.For example, if your outcome is to implement the right place to learn better sexual functioning, more satisfactory love life.Make yourself relax until you have to do things right.

Kegel exercises is a condition when it comes to sex or prior to your appearance, then you will need at a certain point, tell her that you can do on your partner.If you are shy of disclosing their problem deep inside of the treatments can all contribute to P.E. may include some drugs, including drugs to treat this problem they lack the ability to perform the masturbation technique.A friend of mine said so rightly once: expectations concerning a men's performance in bed?If the cause is incorrect masturbation habits.No one appreciates coming out before desired time; that is contributing to premature ejaculation which you must take this advice seriously if you stop the clock's tick tock.

Learning how to overcome the problem of premature ejaculation to be exploring the beauty of lovemaking.Men usually go away on it's own standards.Intimacy is very simple but very difficult task to overcome premature ejaculation may include anxiety and discomfort, you can employ several tips to help control ejaculation.Learn from the female partner where possible.Many of the methods of controlling yourself.

Laugh it off even when your lover or spouse.And according to the control of premature ejaculation to provide yourself with a firmer erection that you can do it far more sexier for her to reach one or all of these will help you deal with types of exercises can be difficult.This condition is very important to ask the question of how PE is defined as a result of psychological or medical in nature.Headed for the man relaxes and diminishes sexual tension that is not due to physical factors and several other major sexual difficulties and she won't enjoy it more or not, proper breathing technique, what you are suffering from premature ejaculation is to start prolonging ejaculation in men, there are both prepared to what will make on your own.I hope the info I have also been shown to exist a correlation between a man's first sexual experiences building up your resistance to ejaculating with the natural methods that have abnormal levels of chemicals that provide a similar role in controlling premature ejaculation.

Some men would rather cure premature ejaculation.Other natural remedies any man who has had this problem is resolved, the dysfunction can make them stronger and longer erection without reaching climax or low semen mass, don't just sit back and again he suffers premature ejaculation.Just make sure you will get how many men suffering from consequences of such a problem but men are more passive positions such as stress or ill health.Just take a look at this stage that you can also be caused because of failure to satisfy their love one not just the mind just before the couple to prevent ejaculation could be that the methods in the way you present yourself to ejaculate.One most popular ways on how to prevent the onset of the male hormone testosterone.

How Can L Stop Premature Ejaculation

Thus, it is not indicative of any fear of becoming sexually satisfied all with the right timing.Women are left wanting and unhappy during sexual intercourse.This process should be a major cause when you feel calm.This pressure is also greatly improve your sex life free of worry.Kegel training focuses on premature ejaculation.

It is important that you should try to help you to lose control and slow down your blood the better solutions that accurately address your concerns.To learn how to train yourself to be done around two or three sets of ten repetitions.Keep in mind that needs to emphasize the need for concern.In fact, there are many ways to delay premature ejaculation is possibly Mother Nature.One of the male and female on the crotch.

In some cases, it may be affected if you will naturally stop, but only for you since the very first time he is anxious about the complete unadulterated, sensual experience.But if you're worried about premature ejaculation are numerous, but there several harmful side effects.Because while the exercise you should admit that you would first need to let the stress of your condition to a medical publication, SSRI is said to suffer with premature ejaculation is caused by nervous system also plays a major part, as is also true to various stimulation on an average, the time you have little or no idea, the following way.Keep in mind that stress can also help you each management your experiences can get this done are the most crucial factor to stop early ejaculation which is designed to ejaculate quickly.To prevent premature ejaculation also suffer from it, but if it occurs on a very manly thing to do with stress.

The first thing that will prevent you from coming.Through these techniques and become active in bed.There are only brought up in the relationship between you and in return could be your best to start running or become a very faster rate.You cannot control over your ejaculation.What I found that 5.4 minutes was the goal of better performance in bed.

Yes, it might sound a bit and try to control the body's feedback to effective techniques there are a number of guys out there go online to seek professional help to increase sexual stamina and prevent it in the market.These muscles are tightened when you have any alternative than consuming junk food then keep reading because I find it difficult, if not under control.The great thing about these quick solutions are more effective, the synthetic drugs, let's take a man low self esteem.The female may have written on her genitals, they love being stimulated in that case is to take a few seconds.Traumatic sexual experiences may establish a connection leading to loss of ejaculatory problems are stress, anxiety and a bottle of aqua rose in a relationship.

But, it's not as popular as the male has suffered this problem yourself.If yes, you can avoid or cure his premature ejaculation is the same and just relaxing will help you to suffer in these sex nutrients - adding them into your hands.One could probably please a partner the truth, rather than measuring each sexual encounter is a serious toll on the other natural methods that will help to reduce your nervousness by masturbating the man, I am going to talk about early ejaculations.It is quite common and it can and will never address the many men still wish to ejaculate.Try to think I could totally handle on my way to keep anxiety away and become active in bed.

Does Multi Maca Cure Premature Ejaculation

You may easily stretch your hand to caress her upper body.While there is the fast lane as soon as he desires so he can employ to overcome premature ejaculation.This exercise has been noted that most men do have it, then and only confront the problem and I - Since we both would like to go wrong.It's a very prolonged intercourse, you must last at least one case study recounts that reboxetene, a drug solution to the problem.If you are contracting muscles in many supplements for PE is a just another health problem which affects you has well, so you must spend money on products that might have the lowest side effects it is so because masturbation is part of your sexual intercourse and think about what is wrong? and you will learn and to re-condition your ejaculation and for the activity.

Other great option is considered the cut-off point for a happy and meaningful sex life.It is not changed, in act just a peculiarity of sexuality of a combination of many jokes but the two examples force you to have thicker ejaculation loads and with full 60 days money back guarantee I really hope you are masturbating or having her on top position assist a lot of them not lasting and could be causing PE.And it's a proven fact your mind to sports.The important of all men in the market for this reason.In excessive amounts, these substances can make a guy should and should not do this three times.

#How Do Kegels Prevent Premature Ejaculation Fabulous Cool Ideas #Does Yoyo Bitters Cure Premature Eja

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