#am not dead actually

[anonymousbeefriendfanfics]

Um. Hi. I am actually alive! Ahahaha....

Sorry about the impromptu hiatus, friends. I'm like 85% sure I have some variety of ADHD and basically, if I'm not Very Invested In The Thing, I have significant amounts of difficulty doing The Thing at all. And, well... unsurprisingly, my hyperfixation on the arcana/fictif has faded into the abyss at about the same time as the stories themselves have. I still have both apps on my phone, though I'm not sure why. I suppose I'm afraid I'll lose them somehow, if I delete them, though I know there will be no further updates. Buuuuuut I digress!

So. For once in my life I don't have a main fandom I'm utterly obsessed with! And yet, I have suddenly found myself wanting to write again... so I suppose I have a few options, and I may as well let you all in on the fun, too!

It's poll time, baybee!

Option 1 - Open up my options for requests and take them for any fandom/character I feel confident enough to write for, likely sticking to headcannon list thingies instead of full fics. I'll still do Fictif/Arcana stuff too, don't worry! It'll actually be towards the top of my list, because it's my most recent obsession. Full disclosure: I've been on a little bit of a visual novel kick lately, so you can expect a lot of those in my content list, hehe~

Option 2 - Stick to what you all are here for, reread the routes and fics and such and try to get back to writing almost exclusively for Fictif/Arcana, and try to get out all of those requests I've promised... This will probably be the slowest option tbh, because I think I need to switch something up to get back into writing like I was, but I would be willing to do this if that's what you guys prefer! I'll probably still slip in the occasional thing from other fandoms, because whatever gets me writing, you know? But I'll focus primarily on this fandom.

Option 3 - Shift my focus from fandom content and move into OC content. You'll still get occasional fandom things when I have the inspiration, don't worry! I have one OC/reader insert that I use everywhere, because of various reasons, but the poor thing is horrifically undeveloped, and recently I've been working to fix that and expand on her life and background characters. I've never introduced her to you all, mostly because I just... didn't think you would be interested, and because I was afraid that bringing her into the spotlight would let you all see through the paper-thin veil of her character into the awful void behind it. But she actually feels like a character now, largely thanks to one of my best friends, who has pushed me to develop her further and helped compensate for the areas I'm lacking. You know who you are and you have my eternal gratitude.

Option 4 - Yes. Do all of that. I'll bring in other fandoms to try and spice things up, but try to keep a decent bit of focus on reviving the poor Fictif/Arcana fandoms, while also introducing you to my OC and working on her. You might get the occasional x character fic about her, but I'll try to keep primarily focusing on the x reader/insert ones.

Option 5 - Yes, but make a separate account to do the OC stuff on. I know OCs aren't everyone's cup of tea, and you might not want to deal with that, so I could always do a separate account. I do keep things pretty well organized here, though, so I highly doubt it would be terribly intrusive while you're trying to find my non-oc work.

#am not dead actually #returning from the grave as much as Felix over here #oops #poll time #btw if anyone wants a poll submitted to you because you can't do them yet shoot me a message #hi Moss. I know you're gonna be the first person here. Love ya kiddo

[ikiprian]

Ghost Kitchen (brought to you by criminal entrepreneur, Red Hood)

Danny’s got the easiest job in Gotham.

He works as a fry cook at a shoddily-run, independent burger joint. Hardly anyone comes in, despite prices being criminally low, and portions insanely large, and while the manager looks like the average tough-as-nails ex-con, he lets Danny mess around in the kitchen whenever the place is empty. (Which is often. This place has to be the city’s hidden gem or something!)

Mr. Manager’s the only one ever there with Danny, except for sometimes when his buddies come over to smoke and play cards. Danny would find it shady, except part of his job is not to ask questions. Literally, he was told during the interview.

(It was a weird interview. Why would they need to hire someone who’s been in a gunfight before? Like, he has, but Gotham’s idea of “hirable qualities” is so bizarre.)

So instead he whips up some killer burgers with the frozen ingredients, and basks in the praise as the guys tell him he shouldn’t have, he does too much for this joint, ain’t that friendly!

Now, Danny’s a chef on the newer side. As a teen he’d preferred the look of Nasty Burger over anything with Michelin stars, and he only really took up cooking after Jazz moved out for college. But just like ecto-exposure used to turn the groceries sentient, Danny’s low-level ecto signature imbues all his food with something historically haunted Gothamites just love! And Danny’s never been one to half-ass a job when it makes people happy.

With fresher produce, real meat, Danny’s sure he can take his dishes to the next level. It takes a couple months of badgering, but his manager finally agrees to contact the mysterious store owner, who keeps the place going, despite profits Danny knows have to be in the red.

Danny spends the morning prepping. He pours his heart into his food, eager to impress. The big boss will be here soon, and he wants to prove that despite the dangerous location, this place has real potential!

It isn’t until the Red Hood shows up that Danny realizes he’s been working for a money laundering scheme.

#ecto has a weird effect on them actually. a lot like how danielle drinks ecto to keep her stable #ecto has positive health benefits for gothamites! it boosts their immune system gives them a little more energy makes them less irritable #silly hc but i think its fun #also danny just. thought it was a normal ass interview. the person who hired him was heavily hinting at the criminal element of his job the #whole time. danny just kept thinking man i cant believe all interviews are like this in gotham. every one of the #m asks if im okay lying to cops. i am but its weird i never got asked this in amity #dpxdc #dcxdp #dc x dp #dp x dc #dead on main #ghost kitchen au #danny fenton #jason todd #kipwrite

[certifiablyinsanez]

I am haunted by the detailed, completed map of Hell that Edwin took notes on. You don’t understand, it makes me sick. It’s one thing to have a basic layout, a vague idea, or a rudimentary map but it was meticulously detailed. Down to doors and what they do and where they go. Down to secret spaces in the walls. He even knew what ringing an innocuous bell would do. It can only mean one thing. We don’t know when Edwin began trying to escape, but assuming he started from the get go, it means that he spent all his decades in Hell trying to find a way out. He never stopped running. And that is assuming he never stopped. From his second trip, we could see he resorted to his old ways and ran. But he was eventually caught, reduced to pieces. Even when Charles showed up, he didn’t seem very optimistic about their chances. He could feel every second of those 70 years. There were likely many times he fell to hopelessness, trembling in the corner watching himself be desecrated knowing it was going to happen again and again. How long? How many times did he try to be so, so quiet, hoping he would have a few moments before the next round? How many times did he muster the ability to run, just one more time? How long did it take him to run, discovering the ends of each ring? How many times did he sprint up, down, north, south, east, west, trying to escape? And what happened when he finally escaped? How long did it take for him to be able to relax, even a little? Because he can never relax. He must always outrun Death and her constituents because he can’t count on them to be fair. How many times does he look over his shoulder, waiting for the monster to claim its eternal meal once again? His breath of fresh air, his first taste of companionship in ages not only keeps him company, but sticks by him. And then, in that blessing there comes a curse, because now you have something to lose. Because when you taste ambrosia how can you return to starvation? He feels safe with Charles. Happy and comfortable, but the threat always lingers. And he knows that Charles couldn’t fend off Death. He never considered he could fend off Hell beasts; after all, he’s just a ghost kid. He watches innocents be slaughtered on repeat, unphased by the level of violence but no less affected by it, because no one has even a clue what it takes to be this kind. Even at his most happy, he has so, so much to lose and he goes back to Hell when hope was dangled in his face like the fruit of Tantalus. When he returns, he’s subjected to Hell once again, sustaining through torture that obliterates souls, only to watch his best friend, his confidant, his platonic soulmate, die horrifically. This woman who gave him sea-glass courage, so powerful and yet so fragile. Allowed him to be himself, gave him permission to do so. Was the openness to his closed self, and now she is gone. And he retains his composure, his stiff, British posture because it is what has saved him from madness and Despair, protected him, and now the world is darker without Niko Sasaki in it. But surely he saw this coming. After all, humans are messy. And yet, he shows up for their souls, time and time again.

Edwin Payne is THE character.

#i am unwell #i am unstable #i am so sorry this was so long #but I’m not actually sorry #because you all need to know about Edwin Payne of the dead boy detectives #dead boy detectives #edwin payne #charles rowland #niko sasaki

[milk-lover]

Sobbing uncontrollably reading through a dissertation about the college experience of students with ADHD. It is like reading a report about my life that just says over and over "My experiences are real. My hardships are real. I am not lazy, I am not dumb. My struggles were not my fault, and they were not a moral failing. The failure was with the system, not with me."

Here's a line that got me in particular:

"Hotez et al.(2022) compared the health, academic, and non-academic capacities of a nationally representative sample of U.S. first-year college students with ADHD and without ADHD. Students with ADHD self-reported lower academic aspirations and more feelings of depression and overwhelm, ranking themselves lower in their general emotional health. The fact that students with ADHD scored in the highest 10th percentile for many non-academic traits, such as artistic ability, computer skills, creativity, public speaking, social confidence, self-understanding and understanding of others, compassion, and risk-tasking, suggests that this population has strengths that are frequently underappreciated in academia."

(the paper is a thesis called "Understanding the Collegiate Experience for Students With ADHD" by Gia Long, 2022)

#adhd #actually adhd #i often hyperbolize but i am dead serious when i say sobbing uncontrollably. this is why i was putting off this assignment. #1000 years of hell to professors who assign self-reflection papers /hj #i dont feel comfy posting the pdf bc its not mine butttt.. i will share it to people who dm me. #edit: pages 80-85 #edit: thank you to everyone who reached out and asked for the pdf!! i wasn’t expecting this reaction #keep reaching out I’ll keep sending it #if anyone is interested but struggles to read academic papers pls ask me for help bc I’ve gotten a lot of practice with them and am Glad to #expand someone’s access to a paper like this

[snakeautistic]

Me pondering whether or not to out myself as silly with it

#cringe culture is dead #i am cringe but i am free #actually autistic #neurodivergent #autistic things #unmasking #autistic #neurodiversity #autistic experiences #neurodivergence

[skitskatdacat63]

I'm already getting the feeling that he's somehow gonna be even sillier this year 🤔

#I AM SO HOPELESSLY ENDEARED TO HIM #LOOK AT THIS SILLY GUY #the behind the scenes of the microwave tiktok im gonna cry #jimmy feels like his handler in this vid 😭 #'theres Fernando doing his um tiktok' hahahaha #but omg its only january and he already feels deranged #the fucking sitting on the counter clip i am actually dead #fernando alonso #formula 1 #f1 #we do a little bit of f1

[redhotarsenic]

@nowfallc Pictures pictures for youuuu sliding these under your door <3

#when did I start this? let’s see… #THE 24th OF LAST MONTH!! ACK!!! #I’m SORRYYYYYY #I did NOT wish for it to take this long but you see. this was so so hard!! #I probably could’ve pushed this further but. I was turning into a flaming ghoul towards the end! so I quit! #you see my friend. one thing about me. is that I ❤️ quitting!! #but I’m FREE I’M FREE I’M FINALLY FREE MOTHERFUCKERS AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA #NO MORE TRIALS OR TRIBULATIONS YEAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! #also I think I am actually just a skeleton now. I’m just bones. that’s how dead I am #trigun #nicholas d. wolfwood #trigun fanart #trigun stampede #so tireeed

[orjustori]

i love when artists explicitly write/draw eddie and steve with very noticeable, maybe even deforming scars. i love when they dont fail to mention the repercussions the things they've been through have left on their bodies. because yes, we talk a lot about ptsd and horrible nightmares and all the psychoemotional issues, but we should totally talk more about the physical side of it.

eddie with a scar on his jaw that tugs when he smiles and aches after a long effusive rant. having to use mobility aides like a crutch or a walking stick because the muscles on his leg never fully recovered and the scars on his abdomen hurt if he tries to tighten his core too hard.

steve with awful migranes and early onset hearing loss and complex vision problems and slight trouble breathing because his head/face got fucked up one too many times. the scars on his back that got infected because no one gave them notice, that are now scars that twinge when he moves his arms and hurt after a day of running around with the kids. the scars on his abdomen that restrict his range of motion. that raspiness in his voice that never went away after a bat tried to crush his windpipe.

i don't know where i'm going with this i just... we constantly recognize their heroic deeds, but i think it's also important to remember that they are not heroes. they are just teenagers who were in the wrong place at the wrong time. they were doomed by the narrative, literally cannon fodder, and their bodies tell the history of that, and of how they're still here despite it all.

#and before you come for me I KNOW EDDIE IS DEAD #i Know #same as i know that canon will probably never give any character actual sequelae despite getting injured so many times #but i am talking about fanon and fandom perception here #where eddie is miraculously not dead and steve is more than a plot device #steddie

[bitegore]

Zionists want you to conflate Judaism and Zionism. Zionists want you to believe that Judaism cannot exist without Zionism and that all Jews are Zionists. Zionism would have Jews believe that a Jewish state is the only way that they can be safe from antisemitism and will point to any instance of antisemitism as proof that Zionism is the solution- so Zionism wants gentiles to be antisemitic in their support of Palestine. They want you to conflate all Jews with Zionism and the state of Israel, and they want you to treat all Jews regardless of political affiliation as the face of Israel. Antizionist Jews exist, and incidences of antisemitism ostensibly acting against Zionism will not help dismantle the forces propping Zionism up.

Don't do their work for them.

#red rambles #viva palestina #antizionism #i haven't actually seen a lot of antisemitism personally. not recently anyway. but that's more a feature of me not following antisemites #i DO however see a lot of people talking about the people they're seeing throw their support behind antisemites using palestine #as an excuse to conflate all jews with israel #and i cannot stress enough that that is literally what israel and zionist forces abroad WANT. #i am jewish. my entire family is jewish. i want to see palestine free. and i have SEEN how the jewish community gets conflated with israel #both from the inside and out #and i am dead serious when i say that every time someone is antisemitic it strengthens the conviction from people abroad #that it's a terrible sad situation but there's 'no other choice' #if you're being antisemitic you are doing the enemy's work for them. Stop it. #like... look. i am putting this in the tags bc im talking in the tags but i mean this. I do not give a single flying fuck if you personally #are a giant raging antisemite at the moment. Your personal beliefs are your problem and not mine. I do not fucking care. But if you are #being openly and loudly antisemitic *in your support of palestine* you are absolutely not fucking helping. I am so dead serious right now #if you want to raise awareness and you're being antisemitic because of deep held beliefs or whatever i want you to look around and read the #fucking room. Do you understand how much of Israel's international support comes from the idea that they are the only country where jews ar #safe from antisemitism? do you see how every time palestine comes up people point at incidences of antisemitism in anti-genocide actions to #discredit the entire movement? do you not understand how your actions are cutting the movement down at the knees? #i'm jewish and proud of it. i don't like antisemitism. but there's a genocide on and i'd rather work against it than quibble over who i #work alongside. i dont fucking care. you can be as antisemitic as you like in private. stop fucking the movement up. #there are bigger things to worry about here. if i can put aside my own concerns as to who i'm talking to you can hold your tongue #and fight the good fight instead of handing weapons to the people who are trying to fucking flatten gaza.

[vladdyissues]

Day 1: Anchor

#I AM MAKING AN ATTEMPT #danny phantom #mermay #danny fenton #vlad masters #mer au #hjbenderart #mermay 2024 #context: they got abducted by hitmen who wanted them dead and had no idea they're actually half-mers who shift form when submerged in water #naturally this causes them to bust out of their clothes

[hyaesia]

not my usual type of art post ^^;; but i redrew some pathetic looking cats in my camera roll

#soz i've been dead. i am once again living on minecraft #i actually wasn't even gonna post this but a lotta friends asked me :sob: #doodels #cats #a homebaked post

[notsad]

What we could've gotten 😩😩😩

#dead cells #the beheaded #bobby #animated series #i just wanna see how this would actually look on their old artstyle. i am way attached to those trailer animations i love them a lot :") #IVE BEEN ROBBED *kneels on floor* #rattling my cage rn #my art #also little detail i saw.. laura got her arm chopped at one point and gets a prosthetic arm :)

[ewwww-what]

What a cool dude, I hope he isn’t haunted by memories of his dead friend lol

#she just sits there and stares at him #that isn’t actually Lucy’s ghost by the way. I was thinking more like a reoccurring nightmare. #fig has that whole thing of going into his dreams to terrorize him and I feel like there has to be some adverse effects to that. right? #someone has to take the fall for this!!!! YOU have to take the fall for this!!! #the rat grinders have been killing me dead lately #also I am extremely tired so this is unfinished :/ #ruben hopclap #lucy frostblade #the rat grinders #the high 5 heroes #fantasy high #d20 #d20 fantasy high #dimension 20 #d20 fanart #fh #fantasy high fanart #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #d20 fhjy #d20 spoilers #undescribed #my art

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

finally colored that Eddie scribble <3 rough day p.2!

#am i happy with this? no! but im tired of messing with it so this is what we get #i mean its not Bad but. sigh #i gotta get better at coloring stuff its my Art Weakness #no matter how much i try i cannot understand color theory #my brain simply says No <3 #i have perfect color vision and yet. and fucking yet. cant use it for shit! yeehaw! #scribble garnish #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #eddie dear #i hope he enjoys that ice cold soda - sold exclusively at howdys for a stellar deal only one hundred percen- *gunshot* #i would like everyone to know that i unironically initially wrong 'seld' instead of 'sold' #and genuinely didnt know why there was a little red squiggle friend underneath it for a solid minute #the brain is rotting <3 i go outside and the ravens start divebombing <3 #i am living up to my url of 'carrion' #dead meat walkin babeyyyyyy #i think the chronic migraines are actually frying my neurons!!! yee! haw!

[otrtbs]

james potter often falls asleep with his glasses on (bc he just passes out when he physically can’t stay awake any longer) and he’s a heavy sleeper so he doesn’t even wake up when they start digging into his face so regulus makes it his job to take james’ glasses off and place them on the bedside table before he breaks the frames in his sleep (as he’s done several times before). send tweet.

#it’s actually an art form for regulus. who takes off the glasses so gently and quietly. to not disturb james #even though he knows he could YANK them off james’ face and he would not even stir in the slightest #james is OUT when he’s out. like trying to wake the dead tbh #james potter #i am james potter posting at 7 am no one read too far into it god bless #he’s just on my mind heavy #james #jfp

[quillium]

Two kinds of comments and replies on ao3:

1.

commentor: nice fic

author replying: Hello you have done me the greatest of services. The kindest of compassions hast been received from thine good hand. May you be blessed into the coming days, for you have blessed me and mine.

2.

commentor: This tore into my ribcage and you hold my still-beating heart in your hands. I loved the thematic strength of this story--the persistent symbolism within is everything, actually. Your characterization was so on point, I adored the specific choices you made to cement not only the dynamics and show the effect on others but also the further the plot in a logical manner--

author replying: lol thx <3

#JUST ME??? JUST ME??? #ao3 #fanfic comments #I'M SO SORRY ACTUALLY. REPLYING TO COMMENTS AND TRYING TO EXPRESS HOW GRATEFUL I AM FOR THE LOVE #like there is no way to properly express it actually because the love given to us will always feel greater than that received sometimes #i'm dead and dying sorry #trying my utmost to express that i know i've been given a lot and wish to give at least a little love or thanks back but it's. not happening #esp bc school is kicking my butt and i cannot reply to all these comments fr hbfjwiogsdjlk