#always giving me a half assed citation | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rae-ha-writes · 2 years

Text

Enemies to Lovers - Kang Yeosang

Features: enemy!Yeosang, best friend!Yunho, female!Y/N

Warning: explicit language, discusses death, angst, fluff, nudity?

Word Count: about 4k

Side note: some parts are personal for me and are inspired by the way I handle grief

Background: for this storyline your dad was an investor of the university and was very involved within it

Y/N POV

Waking up I thought it was a normal day, or at least it was supposed to be. Now that I’ve been in university for two and a half years I finally have an apartment just a couple blocks away from school. During the breaks I would usually go home but for fall break I wasn’t able to go because the school needed me since I’m active in many clubs. But other than that my life is pretty normal almost perfect to some people.

I’m walking to school as it starts to snow, the first snow was yesterday, and it’s so beautiful here in the snowy weather. I was bundled underneath many layers so I quicken my pace when the temperature seemed to drop even more. Some of my earlier classes had cancelled because the professors lived further which is fine with me. I enter the literature building and head to the second floor to get into my class, I sit at my usual table by the window so I can see outside and the snow.

Sadly this class was group oriented so I had to work with the one and only Kang Yeosang. He’s always been such an ass to me, I never even knew who the kid was. But we did kind of grow up around each other. Hell, it’s like he followed me from school to school, we were always at the same grade school and then he showed up in my first class at university. And its like the world has been against me since I enrolled in this class because I was always put in a group with none other than, fucking Yeosang.

Class was just getting ready to start when he ran in and threw himself in the chair beside me and muttered ‘phew just made it’ and threw his books onto the table. The class started and we were all assigned our first individual essay topic, but man was this going to be hard. I loved writing and it was something I’ve always been good at, but this assignment seemed to be my Everest. I was reading over the requirements for the essay when I heard someone enter the classroom. I didn’t think anything of it and had started finding different sources for citations. Then I heard a voice call out for me.

“Miss Y/L/N, would you please gather your things and come with me?” When I looked up to the voice they looked like one of the head administrators. I quickly gather my things with furrowed brows, what is this about?

Then Yeosang spoke up from beside me, “Geez what did you fuck up this time?” Of course he only said for us two to hear and it made me shoot a sour look his way. I got up and headed out of the class with the administrator.

They ended up taking me to a conference room within the building. Once I entered the room I found another person waiting for us at the end of the table.

“Would you like to take a seat miss?” The unknown person asked.

“With all due respect, I would prefer if you just tell me why I’m here so I can get back to my work, if that’s okay,” I glance between the both of them as I see them give each other a strange look.

“Well miss, it’s about your father,” at the mention of my father my head snaps in the direction of the speaker, now it was the person who brought me here. “You see, we just received a call from your family. Your father, he..” they trailed off making me look between the two of them. The person sitting at the table spoke next.

“Your father.. he has passed away.” My heart drops and I hold my breath. “It seems your family was trying to reach you before you came to school. When they weren’t able to get ahold of you they called us. We’re so sorry for your loss, we’re willing to give you at least a week off to go home and take care of things.” The last sentence fell on deaf ears because as I checked my phone in my hand I saw 20 missed calls from my mom and brother.

Tears started to well in my eyes as I looked up to the people in the room with me. “Okay, I’ll go ahead and leave now. I need to pack and find a way home. Thank you for pulling me aside and telling me,” my knuckles have gone white because of how tight I’m holding my phone. I bow and quickly exit the room and make my way out of the building to leave campus. I call my brother as I finally get off campus grounds, “Hey, um, I don’t know how I’m gonna get home right now. I haven’t had a car here for months.”

“Hey don’t worry about it,” his voice is very shaky and I can tell he’s really trying to control his breathing. “I’m actually outside of your apartment building already, I headed here when you didn’t answer any of our calls. We just need to go home.”

I can’t stop the tears that are flowing down my cheeks now, “Okay, lets go home.”

Yeosang POV

After Y/N leaves I move over to her seat so that now I can look outside as I work. After about 15 minutes someone comes into the class and speaks with the professor very quietly. Since the table is closer to the front I’m able to make out a little bit of what they’re saying, but all I hear is about Y/N being excused for the next two weeks. Such bullshit why does the little princess not have to worry about school now, after the professor catches me watching them talk they call for Yunho and go outside of the class.

Yunho is a pretty chill guy but he’s the only person who Y/N seems to be close to, well to put it correctly he’s the only person she allows around her ever since high school. I look out the window since I’m not too motivated to work right now, as I’m looking at the snow falling from the sky I see someone walking out of the building. I instantly recognize it as Y/N, being that she showed up in all black except for her bright red bag. I watch as she walks faster and closer to the campus exit, just then Yunho comes back into the class. His face is blank which isn’t like him, he’s usually the most positive person in the room. He asks the professor if he can work in the small library downstairs, then exits the room.

What’s going on today? I feel like I’m missing something.

Y/N POV

I left college last week Tuesday the 7th and now it’s Friday the 17th. It’s been a really rough week and a half, the funeral was on the 10th. It feels weird coming back to my apartment now, it feels even more empty. My dad never got to come and see it. Once I step up to my couch I drop all of my bags and just sit with my face in my hands. I told myself I wouldn’t cry now that I’m back, but dammit I can’t stop fucking crying. This shouldn’t be happening, I shouldn’t have had to bury my dad, he was supposed come up here so I could take him to my favorite pizza place. Now that I’m alone I let my anger out. I stand up and rip my phone out of my pocket and throw it at the door to my apartment and I watch it shatter. I took the sculpture I made when I was 12 and threw it at the wall. I walk up to my book case and sweep everything off of the middle shelf, my favorite book and a mechanic book I had snatched from my dad’s office when I was 8. I glance at the frames on the walls they hold stupid art pieces, I hurl punches at every frame. Glass is falling all over the ground, there’s glass in my knuckles and blood on the rest of the glass in the frame. I head down the hall to the bathroom and catch myself in the mirror on the wall, I see myself and see my cheeks stained by all my tears. I don’t even hesitate to punch the hell out of the mirror as well, then grab the frame and throw it on the ground. I get into the bathroom, strip down and start the shower, the room fills with steam since the water is so hot.

I get into the shower, I stand under the water and just bawl my eyes out. My cries are drowned out by the pounding of the water. My skin is burning from the heat of the water, but it’s hardly distracting from the pain my heart is feeling. I was crying so loud that I didn’t even notice Yunho bursting into my bathroom until I’m pulled out the shower and wrapped in a towel. I lift your head to see Yunho studying my face, then I just turn around and bury my face into his chest and cry. Yunho instantly wraps his arms around me and holds me tightly against him hoping it brings me a little comfort. He knew something was wrong the moment he called me and was told the number was no longer available. He rushed to my apartment and was happy to find the front door unlocked, but was horrified by the inside of it. Being so close for so long seeing me naked wasn’t a big deal for either of us. With a towel wrapped around me he carried me out of the bathroom and to my small bedroom across the hall. While still carrying me he went to my closet got me underwear, some shorts and one of his sweatshirts. He reluctantly sat me on my bed and helped dress me in my broken state, then he dried my hair slightly with the towel then sat against the headboard of my bed and pulled me into his arms. I had started to calm down and he could tell that I was getting tired. Before I fell asleep he wanted to clean my knuckles though.

He whispered close to my ear, “Hey I’m going go get the first aid kit and I’m gonna clean your knuckles okay?” I simply nod my head then scoot away from him so he could get up. He quickly ran to the kitchen, careful to avoid all the glass, grabs the kit and runs back to my room. He kneels down in front of me and tenderly takes one of my hands, he cleans my knuckles as gently as possible, pausing every time I flinch. After he wrapped up my knuckles he kissed each one and looked up at my face to see me not even trying to make eye contact with him. He stands up and tilts my head up so I look at him for the first time since he got here. He gives me a small smile and leans forward to kiss my forehead.

“How about you try to sleep? I’ll still be here while you sleep and I’ll be here when you wake up. I’m just going to clean up out in the living room okay?” He waits a couple seconds before he gets a response, all I did is slightly nod my head. He pulls back my blankets and I shuffle to get under them, he tucks me in and watches me until I finally fall asleep barely holding his hand.

Yunho POV

After she finally falls asleep I quietly make my way out to the living room. The first thing I do is gather what’s left of her phone with gloves on, I take the SIM card out and throw the rest away. Then I pick up all the books she knocked off the shelves, carefully brushing the glass off of the covers and from between the pages. I look at the sculpture that now lays broken on the ground and my eyes tear up, she said she made it for her family when she started at a new school and she’d brought it with her every time they moved to a different house. I blink away the tears and got a big bowl from the kitchen, I place every piece of the sculpture into it then place it on her counter. Then I look over the fractured glass of at least three frames. They’re all tainted with her blood from her knuckles after punching each one several times. I grab a separate trash bag to place them in and then put them into another bag to make sure they don’t break through. Then I head down the hall to the mirror that now lays on the floor, this is the only piece to survive her tirade. There is only one singular hairline crack diagonally across the mirror, despite her throwing it on the ground nothing else happened to it. So I simply hang it back on the wall.

I peek into her room to see she was still sleeping peacefully, I quietly close her bedroom door and head back to the living room to vacuum up the rest of the glass and any other remnants of her angry outburst. I vacuum as quick as humanly possible because I didn’t want to risk waking her up. I turn to look at the clock on the wall as it now read 1:38 a.m. that’s when tiredness hits me. So I head back to her bedroom and throw my socks away in case they had any small bits of glass stuck in them. I take my sweatshirt off and throw it to one of the corners of the room then carefully lift up the blankets so I can slip in behind her. After I settle in I slowly pull her back to my chest and wrap my arms around her and I feel myself relax knowing that I came at the right time. Thank god that I did. Right as I’m about to fall asleep she turns around in her sleep, nuzzles her face into my neck and relaxes completely. I smile softly at her actions and close my eyes and let sleep take over.

Y/N POV

I’m finally coming back to school today, not gonna lie I hope no one talks or looks at me today. But of course that can’t happened because as soon as I enter the Literature building fucking Yeosang shows up out of nowhere.

“Hey, hey, hey. Where have you been? I’ve missed having someone to push around,” he grabs my right hand before I enter the class and makes me spin in front of him. “But man, I am loving this outfit on you.” I rip my hand out of his grip and head straight to my seat, ignoring his comment completely.

Thank god the professor announced that today would be a class dedicated to working on our assignments that we have. So I start gathering my things so I could head down to the library. Right as I’m about to stand up to leave Yeosang grabs my bag and puts it back on the ground.

“Hey why can’t you just sit here with me, pretty thing?” He asks with his stupid ass smirk he always has on his dumb face.

“Because I’d rather watch someone gouge my eyes out,” I tell him with a very innocent smile on my lips.

“Attitude, confidence, beauty. You are the epitome of my type, thank your parents for me while you’re at it,” as soon as he finishes his sentence I stop moving completely and I hear Yunho stand up from his chair.

I whip my head around and make eye contact with him, “Go fuck yourself.” I grab all my shit and push past him and tears start to build up in my eyes. I slam the door of the classroom on my way out.

Yeosang POV

Woah, I don’t know what I said wrong but I sit there in shock after she slammed the door. Next thing I know Yunho is rushing to me and rips my chair out from underneath me.

“Why do you always have to be such an asshole Kang? Can’t you tell that’s she’s been through some shit?! Oh wait, of course not. You don’t take notice to anything unless it benefits you in some way,” he lifts his leg ready to kick me but stops right before his foot collides with my side. “Sorry, I’m not like you I don’t kick people while they’re down. She just fucking lost her father, you dick! And you have the nerve to say something about parents to her? How fucking dare you!”

I scramble backwards to get some distance between us. I stand up and face him directly, “How was I to know that she lost her dad? I don’t know if you’re aware but she seems to fucking hate my guts as it is—”, Yunho quickly cuts me off.

“Exactly, so if she treats you like that why do you still insist on talking to her? Why do you keep popping into her life and making things harder for her? Why don’t you just leave her alone?” Now its my turn to bite back at him.

“You think I haven’t tried to stay away from her?! She keeps fucking showing up out of nowhere! You know what, I’m gonna fix this right now,” as I make my way to the door I hear Yunho scoff from behind me then I hear him mutter, ‘yeah and then I’ll have to help her put the pieces back together when you’re done.’

I quickly exit the room and run through the hall and down the staircase, I thank god that the library was on the opposite side of the building so I know she hasn’t made it there yet. Right as I make the turn to go to the library I see her getting ready to open the door. I run up behind her and close the door.

“Please know that I didn’t mean any harm. I didn’t know you had lost your dad, if I would’ve known I wouldn’t hav—”

Y/N POV

“You wouldn’t have what? Spoken to me? Said anything about parents? Huh? What would you have done differently?” I turn to him with tears threatening to spill from my eyes. “You simply don’t know what it’s like to lose the one person who keeps you grounded. You don’t know what it’s like to lose period, now get the hell out of my face Yeosang. Leave me alone you bastard.” I turn and open the door to the library again but once again he towers behind me and slams it shut.

“You don’t have to believe me but at least listen to me. I seriously didn’t know. I didn’t know it was a sore spot or else I would’ve let you be. You were gone and I didn’t know a fucking thing about what happened until literally just now. I’m around you every day almost all day and I didn’t notice that something had happened to you,” he looks away and I see the tears collecting in his eyes. He looks upward and sniffs before he looks back down at me. “Do you honestly think that I would do something to purposefully hurt you? Because if you think I would then you don’t me at all.”

I look away from him and to the door handle of the library, he gently but quickly grabs me and moves me to the area beside the doors. I refuse to meet his eyes as tears start trickling down my cheeks and gather at my chin. “Truth is,” I take a deep breath before I continue. “I thought I knew you, I thought we knew each other better than we could accept. But this, this fucking hurt Yeosang.” Right as I reach up to wipe the tears off my face he pulls me into his chest and holds me in a bone crushing hug.

“Listen to me, it was never my intention to hurt you. Ever. I never want to see you cry let alone have it be because of me.” He sniffles and then leans his chin on my head and starts rubbing small circles onto my shoulders. “Out of all the things I’ve done wrong following you does not belong on that list. I admit you were so perfect that it just annoyed me, but you don’t brag about being perfect. You believe that you aren’t. Listen to me you’ve made me go crazy,” he chuckles slightly but freezes when I wrap my arms around him.

“I fucking hate you Yeosang,” I hold him close to me and listen to his heart race. “I know you didn’t mean any harm, in the back of my head I feel bad that you didn’t know until now. But you know I’m really only close with Yunho so he was the only other person other than the staff that knew. I just, I dont know. I’m just broken right now, I’m lost and hurt beyond belief. None of that is your fault and I refuse to allow you to blame yourself.” I lean my head back to look him in the eye and I’m shocked to see tears covering his cheeks.

“Don’t worry about me right now. I’m just pissed at myself.” He brings his hands up to cup my face while I keep looking into his eyes, I reach up to wipe the tears from his face as he continues talking. “I just wish I was there to help, I wish I was there to hold you like I know Yunho did. I wish I wasn’t as stupid as I am. I wish I would’ve manned up and fucking chased after you when I saw you leaving campus that day,” he looks up again to try and keep the tears from leaving his eyes. But I grab his face and make him look at me.

I run my thumbs under his eyes gently to wipe away the tears. Then we just look at each other for a moment before I lean in and press my lips to his. He immediately kisses me back and he holds me even closer to him, if that’s possible at this point. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him downwards. He then wraps one arm around my waist and the other hand holds my jaw gently. He pulls away and rest his forehead against mine, then he kisses my forehead. He swiftly bends down and grabs my bag off the ground and then grabs one of my hands and starts walking down the hall.

“Wait where are we going?” I ask while I try to keep up with his long strides.

“I’m taking you back to my apartment so that I can order in some food for you and get you to relax and unwind. I can tell you haven’t been eating well if at all,” he looks back at me. “Let me take care of you the way I know you need from me.”

I nod as I blush a little, “Could I borrow your phone then? I need to tell Yunho that I’m okay and I don’t have a phone at the moment.”

“Of course,” he lets go of my hand to reach in his back pocket, hands me the phone and places his hand on my back to guide me through campus.

To Yunho: Hey this is Y/N, I’m using Yeosang’s phone. I just wanted to let you know that I’m okay and I’m leaving campus for the rest of the day. I’m okay so don’t worry about me <3

“Okay here,” I try to hand him back his phone.

“Just hold onto it, I don’t really need it at the moment.” He winks at me before he holds his hand out to me.

“Okay then,” I chuckle and lace my fingers with his and hold his phone in my other hand. This is definitely not how I thought today would go, but I can’t complain.

He’s as crazy for me as I am for him.

 rae-ha-writes please do not copy my work

#ateez fluff #ateez scenarios #yeosang #yeosang fluff #ateez #enemies to lovers

42 notes · View notes

citadelspires · 3 years

Note

P1 - Given how great you're track record's been for doing hypothetical interactions of Amphibia kids with the Duck kids and Owl House kids, let's try doing the Duck kids meeting the Owl House kids and who they'd like the best. I'll exclude Violet for this for the sake of evenening things out 5 to 5. I'd assume Luz would get along best with Dewey (both jump into adventure), King with Louie (could see em teaming up for a scheme), Willow with Huey (eh, more leftover interaction but can work)

Screenshot of second half of the ask provided. Text: P2 Gus with Webby (would totally ask each other lots of questions about their species), and Amity with Lena (both got abusive figures they stood up to and would totally talk about their crushes on Luz and Webby LOL). Would love to see you take on Duck kids and Owl House kids interactions.

First of all I’m very pleased to hear you find my track record on these posts good, they’ve been really fun to write and it makes me really happy people like them! Second I am so sorry it’s taken so long to get to this ask, it’s a really in depth one and it took a long time to write, I hope you’ll find it was worth the wait!

Aight! Oh and one last thing real quick before I get into it. I hope you wouldn’t mind me adding Violet back in, partially due to the fact I love her, but mostly because there’s actually another owl house character I think works significantly better with Louie than anyone else and I really want the chance to talk about that. Saving that one for last hehe. This’ll be another long one, writing below the cut.

Luz and Webby So I do like a lot of the possible interactions brought up by your suggested grouping but my mind went in a few different directions. I’ll start with Luz, who would fit in best with another excitable adventuring partner, as pointed out, but I think the best fit for her in that regard would actually be Webby. While Dewey would no doubt get along great with Luz, there’s a special element to the potential relationship between Luz and Webby that really elevates the potential of their friendship to another level, that being: they both want to eat a hamburger.

An aspect of Webby I wish the later seasons of the show got into a little more, but is definitely something I would consider a core part of her character, is the fact that she got held up in the mansion her whole childhood, with no opportunities to interact with the world around her, have all the adventures she wanted, and most importantly to just be seen as the kid she wanted to be. And while Luz was technically able to go out into the world, the place she found wasn’t one that was willing to see her, or give her any of the chances she longed for. Both Webby and Luz fully understand that feeling of being trapped in your own life, of finally getting the chance to break out and just doing your best to make the most of it. I think there’s a lot the two could gain from spending some time together.

(Also, to borrow the bit about gushing about their crushes but from the other end, these two would totally get sidetracked talking about their respective crushes and also trying to play wingman for each other. It’s a massive comic disaster in both cases, but somehow both Lena and Amity manage to find it endearing).

Amity and Violet Okay wait lemme explain. While the two of them don’t have a whole lot in common at first glance, I think they would genuinely get along extremely well. While a lot of Amity’s focus on school came at the force of her parents, you cannot honestly expect me to believe that girl isn’t a studious nerd on her own anyway. Heck even outside the realm of studies she throws her full dedication into literally every single thing she does. Remind you of anyone? Beyond just being extremely intelligent Violet is clever and ready for anything. She takes everything in stride and always has a plan, she can go from “we were sleeping over and you said everybody get on the plane, so we got on the plane” to “I brought an axe” in a minute flat.

I like to think the two of them would have a mutual respect for each other based on their respective intellects upon first meeting, but as they become closer friends they find they can move from more serious respect to a casual enjoyment of each other. I would go as far as to say that both of these characters really value dependability in a friend, and that they each provide a lot of that. To wrap back around to the stuff about intelligence I think Violet could provide a lot of insight to Amity as far as showing her that pursuing studies and academic heights of her own volition can be something that she can just do because she wants to, and that’s no excuse for unhealthy parental relationships. Getting along so well with someone like Violet only to see that her parents are actually really loving and supportive, that would be really eye-opening for Amity I think. For Violet’s part she could get a lot of help from Amity as far as her pursuit of the secrets of magic goes. I suspect Amity would be much more interested in the study of her magic than Violet would be able to get Lena to tolerate lol.

Bonus Round: Amity would absolutely be a senior junior woodchuck and she would love it you cannot convince me otherwise. She starts quoting the JWGB around the owl house kids and they all look at her like she’s crazy.

Lena and Willow I feel like this one might seem a little out there at first but trust me on this one. Initially Lena doesn’t think too much of Willow, being as close as she is to Webby she knows liking flowers and cute things doesn’t mean Willow is automatically to be taken lightly but she feels like she’s got a good read on her that she generally prefers to avoid trouble and turns down opportunities for violence, which isn’t really Lena’s deal. Over time Lena figures she was right about her first impressions as Willow doesn’t seem to take many opportunities to expose some hidden power, even when Lena knows the people around her kinda deserve it.

She learns to adjust her opinion when she finally does get the chance to see Willow in action and realizes that girl is more powerful than any of the other kids she’s met in the boiling aisles bar none(yes this is my genuine opinion of willow if you don’t think she could kick your ass you’re wrong). It’s at that moment where she starts to pay more attention to Willow and notices a lot more of the strength she puts into all the little things, how much she cares for everyone and everything, and it does a great deal to show Lena that maybe having super strong magic powers isn’t mutually exclusive with being kind and gentle. And maybe gentle isn’t her thing but still, it’s nice to know.

For Willow’s part she’s just happy to make more friends. Especially if the opportunity arises, as I like to think it would, when they’re close enough friends, that Lena would start to hint around asking questions about how Willow remains so casual and nice with the ability to do so much damage, and Willow takes the chance to help Lena figure out her magic a bit more, and learn how to better appreciate it as an aspect of herself she doesn’t have to be scared of. (I mean come on Lena never really learned how to do any of it except barely kind of from Magica of all people she could really use something like that).

Huey and Gus Now there are some certain things about Gus that would drive Huey absolutely nuts. His lack of primary and reliable sources for any of his information being a big one, but at the end of the day I think he’d enjoy Gus’ desire to learn in the first place. Gus would probably be a little dubious about Huey’s “sources” and “citations” but if it helped him get more info on the human realm he’d certainly go for it in the end. In that way the two balance each other out pretty well. Gus is studious and intelligent but he’s a little off the wall, he’s got a big creative streak, and he’s really excitable. Huey is really really good at facts and analysis but he lacks the strength in imagination that Gus has. Huey is able to take all the grandiose concepts Gus is able to think up and help make them actually happen. Gus has that specific brand of an adventurers soul matched up with the fact he’s not actually the type to get into danger and fights, meaning he’s able to drag Huey out of his comfort zone a little and help him reach new heights with his mind that his struggles with creativity prevent him from reaching, while managing to not make him feel like he’s actually in danger. I actually believe the two of them together could get some really incredible stuff done.

What I’m saying is that with Huey’s help Gus could absolutely complete his tunnels under Hexside.

Dewey and King Now this, this is the pair who would go incredibly well together, at the detriment of literally everyone around them. If there is one person King “I Will Rule Everything” Clawthorne should not be exposed to its Dewey Duck. Within minutes of meeting each other the two of them would immediately have so many bad ideas. Between Dewey’s insistence on being the best and most daring adventurer while putting his name on everything and going down in history & King’s trying to rule everything and everyone, the attempts to raise the stakes would be constant and the two would spend literal hours endlessly trying to one-up each other. All in one day they search for legendary treasure, discover an entirely new civilization, try to take over said civilization, create a new species just to name it after themselves, and build statues of themselves in the middle of Bonesbourough. And that’s all before lunch.

Louie Here it is. The one I waited till the very end for out of sheer excitement. I even kept the second name out of the heading thing. That’s how secretive I’m trying to be about this. See, there’s one character in the owl house that works so well with Louie it’s practically canon. Their interactions have so much potential, they each bring so much to the table, I just couldn’t Not talk about it. And yeah, I know this ask was specifically asking about the owl house and ducktales kids, but I just couldn’t resist talking about the relationship between Louie and Eda.

A con artist from another world who was so successful she became nationally famous? There’s no way Louie would pass up an opportunity like that. For his part I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already managed to set up another underworld identity in the boiling aisles, or at the very least that Eda could totally have been to the ducktales realm and heard of his one there.

Either way I’m convinced the two of them would start planning a heist as soon as they figure out who each other are. Eda is a little prideful and wants to show this kid he can’t out-con her, but Louie knows what he’s doing just as much. Honestly with the two of them combined Eda wouldn’t have to worry about losing her stand for a long time. Over the course of their planning and seeing Louie in action Eda begrudgingly gains some respect for the kid, and while Louie was definitely just using her as a learning/profit opportunity at first, he’s pretty susceptible to getting attached.

For Louie, it’s the fact that she actually respects him for being good at what he does. Even back with his family who all love and care about him and all that he still feels like most of them don’t really get what he does or see what’s special about him, so having someone who made a whole life of it be even a little proud of him feels really nice.

And of course, at the end of their heist when they finally have the money in hand, and Eda just casually hands over his half, he stares at her like she’s crazy.

“You’re just.. Giving it to me?!”

“Well, yeah. That was the deal wasn’t it kid? I mean if you really want I definitely have a few ideas for it.”

“No! Uh, no, thanks, I’ll keep it. It’s just that you really remind me of someone, I guess I was expecting something else.”

31 notes · View notes

be-ready-when-i-say-go · 4 years

Text

Here’s a half formed thought about Calum going back to school at the same time as you during the crazy ass pandemic. Enjoy.

Reader insert. No race or gender.

********************

You were always going back to school. When you ran into Calum last year--though it really wasn’t you running into Calum; he was doing his grocery shopping and you checked him out--you knew being a clerk at the grocery store wasn’t the end all be all for you.

What you had noticed over the couple of months is that whenever Calum seemed to be doing his grocery shopping, he always came through your line. It didn’t matter if you were the only line opened or on the weekends one of the several lines open, Calum was there. He started with small talk, asking you how your day was going. And you asked about his. He shocked you the first time he used your name. But you forgot that it was on your name tag. “Well if you know my name it’s only fair I know yours,” you teased.

“Calum,” he returned easily, taking the brown paper bags after you carefully packed them.

Sometimes you noticed his dog in the cart and asked about them. You learned his name is Duke and that he’s been affectionately dubbed Baby Grandpa by Calum. And eventually, though you hadn’t really meant to, you noticed things he bought frequently and whenever you happened across his path while walking to or from back break, you’d let him know if there was a sale going on.

And thought it was only just friendly chat while you were on the clock, you were out pumping gas on your way to lunch with your friends when you heard your name. As you turned, there was Calum, walking out of the gas station, waving as he pushed his sunglasses back to cover his eyes.

“Fancy meeting you here,” you laughed, waving in return. What you hadn’t expected as Calum walked across the lot to the pumps is that he would chat until the question of a date fell off from his lips. And sure Calum was attractive, and sure the conversation over the weeks while you checked out his items had turned a little flirty but you hadn’t expected that Calum felt anything remotely serious about you to ask you on a date.

But you accepted. And there you were able to talk over a nice picnic that excluded Duke, but at your explicit disappointment at not seeing the old dog, Calum promised that next time, he would make sure to include Duke. That picnic lead to a movie, which lead to dinner, which lead to a date shopping for Duke because of the upcoming holidays, which lead to dinner at his place, and then hanging out with his friends for a quick drink one night, which lead to movie nights at each others place.

And somewhere in all of it, you were dating Calum. He called when you had the closing shift at work to make sure you got home safely. Or if you spent the night, he’d make you breakfast, and he soothed your back as you hunched in front of your laptop to paid for applications for grad school. And he listened to the way you talked about knowing you couldn’t stay in this spot forever and he encouraged you go back to school. You could feel out that school was something that Calum was considering but he hadn’t been too serious about it. Not the band, the tours, the in the studio’s late--just never felt like he had the time.

Occasionally, you talked about some of the online courses you saw the schools had. But Calum hadn’t fully budged. By the time you got news about you going back to school, with funding, and sorting that news out with your job, Calum asked you if you thought he should give a crack at school. You told him the truth, that if he wanted to go for it, he should. And soon, things crumbled globally with the pandemic. And locked in the house most of the time, you dropped subtle and not so subtle hints that making those online classes might be closer and closer to coming true.

Now you’re here, sitting at the dining room table, your printed out readings and books scattered in front of you. Calum’s on the couch. His notes on the coffee table. You’re in class, listening to the lecture headphones in and you look over to Calum, his class ended just as yours started. His fingers are working over the keys.

He’s only in a couple of classes. And though you’re in one more class than him, there’s the added struggle of the work you do too. It’s administrative, but there’s meetings once a week and you still find yourself being offloaded onto with lots of small annoying data tracking tasks. It’s paying for school, so you do it with minimal complaints, but a few nonetheless.

You’re so lost watching Calum working that you don’t even realize that the class you’re in is preparing for small breakout rooms until someone calls your name. You blink and turn back to the screen. “Sorry, zoned out. We’re discussing the reading, yeah?”

Your group nods and you manage to get back on track until the end of your class. Just as you’re closing down the Zoom app, at least for the half hour before your meeting for work, Calum calls out. “Class done?”

You nod, popping out the earbuds. “Yeah. Got that meeting for work soon though.”

He hums, glancing up from the screen. He seems tired. Most of your nights both of you are up kinda late. Though, you make sure to turn it in early and practically drag Calum to bed a couple hours later. He’ll get caught up, work way too late into the night and then have to be up early for band meetings too. “Want me to fix dinner tonight then?”

“It’s my night. I can still do it.”

“You sure. I know you’ve got to fix that spreadsheet too and do your readings for the week.”

You shake your head. “I can still cook. Might even start during our meeting.”

Calum laughs, remembering the other times you turned off your camera and shuffled around the kitchen to cook in meetings or in classes too. “Nonsense. Almost done with this paper, so I’ll cook. But as an exchange, if you don’t mind, could you read over this? It’s only a response to a reading and it’s not super long or anything. But this instructor’s a fucking hardass.”

You nod. You’ve read over his papers before. Most of the times it’s just making sure he has correct citations and you might make a note about needing a thesis statement or needing more of his analysis between his evidence. But it’s not much that you ever feel like you need to mention on his papers. You’ve found, most often, what Calum needs is just someone to listen to his ideas so he can sort them out loud and then all you do is take down the notes of what he said. Listening to him talk about this philosophy class and Literature class is awe inspiring. He always has more questions than answers, but it’s those questions that always lead him to some pretty amazing places in his writing.

“Is this the professor that got on you about the spacing on that first paper?”

Calum nods, pushing the laptop to the coffee table on top of his notes. “Yes! Even you couldn’t see what was wrong, so I still don’t understand what they got on me about. And I formatted the second outline in the exact same way and didn’t get any points taken off, so I really don’t understand.”

“Well, it could’ve been Google Docs. When you downloaded it into Pages, the formatting might’ve gotten wonky? But even the Pages document looked fine, so I really don’t know what happened there. But you’re doing it all in Pages now and then exporting to a PDF when you submit correct?”

“Yeah, I am. Thanks for that tip though. I didn’t realize Pages wouldn’t work in the submission center.” His shuffle into the kitchen is paired by the click of Duke’s paws on the floor. Calum presses a quick kiss to the top of your head. “Spaghetti?”

Holding onto his forearm draped around your chest, you nod. “Spaghetti sounds lovely.”

“I saw you staring at me while you were in class,” he whispers close to your ear.

“What? You’re hot. Sue me.”

His chuckle is soft, a rumble in his chest that you feel through your back. “Most definitely can’t sue you over that. But don’t make me go in the office. I need you to pass these classes.”

“I appreciate the concern, dear. But I think I’m doing pretty good. Besides, I’m signed up for a random art history class. I can say you’re a piece of art I needed to analyze.”

The laughter’s not soft now, he full on giggles--a bit of it getting cut off as he inhales into the sound. “You’re ridiculous.” His lips are soft against your temple as he stands back up. “So spaghetti. Garlic bread is a must. Salad?”

“Ugh, I guess I do need veggies.”

“Yes, yes you do.” He continues into the kitchen, the clinking of pots hitting the isle’s of the stove and bowls, boxes, and jars setting onto the counter.

“How’s the other class going? You guys starting your novels yet?”

“19th Century Lit is well, 19th Century Lit.” Calum seemed intrigued by the Evil Children’s class you told him you saw. But it had filled by the time Calum got his work schedule sorted out. He turned to 19th Century Lit as his backup, and so far, it appeared to be going well. “We’re spending the first part on poetry. And that’s the most interesting. The rest of the books sound a little boring.”

You hum, nodding even though he can’t see you. “Hopefully the class picks up. I took a look at the spring classes. If you want to focus more on poetry there’s a Modern Poetry post 1930′s class.”

The glance is quick, but his brows are pulled upwards, in a slight intrigue. “I’d consider it for sure.”

The alarm on your phone goes off, letting you know you have ten minutes until the meeting. You turn back to your computer and start logging into the meeting. “You haven’t had an assignment for that class yet have you?”

“No. The midterm’s coming up soon though and I don’t even know how to begin to study for it.”

You pop one earbud in making sure your mic is muted. “You know I got you, babe.”

“Yeah, but you’ve got your classes too. I-I might stop by the professors office hours and ask for help.”

“That’s always a good idea. Do you know when they are?”

“Tuesday’s and Wednesday’s.” You know he doubled checked them because he probably wouldn’t have that readily available from the first day of classes. “Gonna go tomorrow.”

Popping up from the chair, you press a kiss to his cheek, as the pan sizzles just a little and the pot of water not showing signs of bubbles just yet. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Calum returns, pulling you fully into his chest for a swift kiss. “Now, go! You’ve got a meeting.”

“Meeting schmeeting. Would rather kiss you.” You kiss him one last time before ducking back into the chair and turning the camera on. You notice just faintly in the background Calum’s visible as he shuffles between pans and pots. Duke walks up to you, standing up to get attention.

“Oh, you know I can’t say no,” you mutter, setting him in your lap.

“Is that Duke?” your supervisor asks. He’s crashed a couple meetings before.

You unmute and hold him better for everyone to see. “Yeah. His pops is cooking us dinner and that lack of attention just won’t do.”

“Hey, you say that like I don’t love him,” Calum retorts, threatening the back of your head with a spatula. You giggle before muting yourself and place Duke back into your lap, digging up the word document you’ve started for all the meeting notes.

Your supervisor laughs. “Well I think he’s getting plenty of attention in the chat.” There are some more dings as people join the meeting. “Looks like we have everyone, so let’s begin.”

tagging @calumscalm because you might still be taking that exam, love.

and @5-secondsofcolor bc sunday reads bubs.

#calum hood #calum hood blurb #calum hood imagine #calum hood fanfic #calum hood fic #calum hood x reader insert #calum 5sos #5sos #5sos fanfic #5sos blurb #5sos imagine #calum hood fluff #5 seconds of summer #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5 seconds of summer fic #5 seconds of summer imagine #h writes

102 notes · View notes

bombshellbois · 4 years

Text

Code 314

@harringroveweekoflove

Harringrove Week of Love Day 3: Car Sex

Rating: M

Words: 2688

Summary: The story of Billy’s least favorite arrest for indecent exposure ever. And it’s all Steve’s fault.

There’s only one interrogation room in the Hawkins police station. That means Billy is left handcuffed to Jim Hopper’s desk while Steve is in the interrogation room. It’s dark in the station, aside from the yellow light framing the shade over the interrogation room window, and the lamp on Hopper’s desk. Fucking small towns. This is, without a doubt, the most unprofessional arrest Billy has ever had.

Hopper emerges from the interrogation room and slams the door behind him. No Steve. Billy expects Hopper will sit down and pick up his phone and call Mommy and Daddy Harrington to come pick up their kid. Then it will be up to Billy to deal with whatever the fallout is. Hopefully Hopper didn’t make Harrington cry or anything, so Billy can still sort of respect him after.

Hopper does not reach for his phone.

No, he throws his hat on the desk and drops down into the chair hard enough that it scoots back several inches on the wooden floor. Folds an arm on the desk and leans in close to Billy, looking him square in the eye. He looks tired and sort of pissed.

“Steve Harrington is a goddamn pain in the ass.”

“I know the feeling.” Billy has worn that look many a time, and exclusively from dealing with Steve. He can actually kind of sympathize with the cops on this one. “But if what he told you sounds like bullshit, he’s being straight with you this time.”

“Here’s what’s gonna happen.” Hopper picks up his clipboard where there’s a mostly blank form for citations. Only the top is filled in. ‘Code 314- Indecent Exposure’ “I’m not gonna finish filling this out.”

“I’m sure Steve will appreciate that. He’d be the talk of the country club.” Billy suspects that’s not a gift to Steve, though. For a cop, Hopper is okay. He’s let Billy off with 14 warnings for speeding so far. Neil has gotten 2 speeding tickets and had his car towed for illegal parking.

“So you’re going to tell me what the hell happened and why it was a bad idea.” Hopper pulls the sheet free and crumbles it into a ball, tossing it into the trash can. “Then I can tick off the little box in my conscience that says you won’t do it again and we can all go home.”

Billy rolls his eyes. Jesus, he’s never going to be able to look Hopper in the eye again. “Come on, man. Didn’t Steve tell you?”

“I want to hear it from you.”

“Steve wasn’t lying. We really weren’t having sex in the middle of the woods. We were… look, I know it sounds like a lie, but we were... it was like therapy.”

Hopper’s eye twitches a little. “Police observation evidence would suggest otherwise.”

“I know what it looked like, but admit it. You can’t actually say you saw any dicks,” Billy pushes.

“Just… tell me what you two were doing out there,” Hopper sighs.

“What are any teenagers doing out there? You know what that spot is for.” Billy sighs and sits back in his chair. “But if you really want the gory details…”

***

“Would you stop wiggling?” Billy leans down and grabs the bottle of lube he shoved under the driver’s seat and flips the cap open.

“I’m not wiggling,” Steve huffs, wiggling to try and… do something? Billy isn’t sure because it’s the back seat of the Camaro. There’s pretty much no room, and Steve sure as hell isn’t gonna find more by squirming. He’s just gonna make things harder.

Billy pauses and pinches Steve’s thigh, hard enough to get a hiss out of him. “Fucking hold still. I’m gonna make a goddamn mess all over the backseat if I have to try and catch you after I put this stuff on my fingers.”

Steve rolls his eyes, but he makes a ‘go on’ motion with his hand and then tucks an arm under his head. Billy grabs Steve’s ankle and braces it on his own shoulder. Steve squirms and drops it, hooking it around his waist instead.

“Harrington. I’m not gonna guess where your asshole is, asshole. Not when it’s my seats under your ass. Work with me here.”

Steve groans unhappily but lets Billy hook an arm under his knee and haul his leg back up. “It’s too small back here.”

“Yeah, I know it’s fucking small, Princess. It’s the back of a fucking muscle car. Who’s fault is it that we can’t use your house?”

Steve’s face twinges a little. Fuck. Billy has his dick out, he’s hard, he’s got his boyfriend naked from the waist down, and now Harrington is gonna fondle his conscience. It works because yeah, that was probably a little below the belt.

“Sorry, babe. It’s the blue balls talking. When’s the last time we went a week without fucking?” He leans in to press an apology kiss to Steve’s lips, until Steve whines. He actually whines, long and pitiful, and grabs Billy’s shoulder.

“Too far. Bending it too far.”

Billy drops his eyes to the very naked leg braced against his shoulder. “What? I’ve practically had you bent in half before.”

***

“Okay, stop. Stop!” Hopper waves his hands, looking a little pallid in his desk lamp. “That’s way more information than I needed.”

“You asked what we were doing up there,” Billy points out. “We were trying to fuck in my car. Like every other couple that parks up there.”

“But you weren’t in your car.” Hopper taps his desk emphatically. “There’s a fine line, Hargrove. Stay in your car and you’re fine.”

“We would have if Steve had followed his stupid recovery regimen like he was supposed to!”

“Recovery for what?” Hopper takes a breath, holding up his hands. Billy really should let that Byers woman know that this guy tries to follow her advice. “Just… go back to where this all started.”

“You’re the boss.”

***

“Practicing late again, Harrington?” Billy asks, glancing over as Steve comes into the showers. It’s just the two of them at this hour, and it’s been a good few days since he really ragged on him properly. How convenient. Steve just glares at him and dips his head under the water. “Ever thought about maybe just being good at the game?”

“Ever thought about shutting up, Hargrove? I hear it works wonders for people with your condition.”

Billy grins, holding his tongue between his teeth. That pisses Steve off endlessly. “My condition? Go on, gimme the punchline.”

“Being an asshole.”

“Someone is feisty today. Did—”

***

“No. No, not where you two started,” Hopper interrupts him. “Skip ahead to where this incident started.”

“Oh.” Billy shrugs. “Okay. It was the end of basketball season and we celebrated by me fucking Steve until he couldn’t walk straight.” He ignores Hopper’s heavy sigh. “Literally, too. But then the coach made us do hurdles the day after. That’s where it all kind of went downhill.”

***

Billy knows before Tommy even starts jeering that Steve is hurt. He lays there a second too long in the red dust of the track, the fallen hurdle tangled between his legs. Billy can tell that asshole is trying to figure out how to get up without looking hurt, because that’s the shit Harrington worries about. Sighing, he ‘accidentally’ slams his elbow back into Tommy’s stomach as he chucks his water cup into the trash before jogging out onto the track.

“Regular gym class hero, aren’t you?” he mutters, hooking his hands under Steve’s armpits and hauling him to his feet.

“I’m fine,” Steve protests while trying not to put weight on his right leg. It’s a sort of pained hopping that’s not very convincing of being fine.

“Yeah, you look totally great.” Billy pulls Steve’s arm around his shoulders and waves to the coach. “Hey! I’m taking Harrington to the nurse!” he calls, and doesn’t pause to wait for a hall pass or whatever. He’s got Steve hopping around like the hurt asshole he is. That’s better than any hall pass out there as far as permission goes.

Billy is surprised that when he dumps Steve onto the bed in the nurse’s station, he makes another pained noise and shifts to lay down. Then shifts again onto his side.

“What hurts?” he asks, sitting on the low, plastic stool that’s always by the wall. He figured they had an ankle or knee issue here, but that didn’t seem right.

Steve rest a hand on his right leg. “Thigh. Something in the back of it.”

“Sounds like a hamstring injury,” Nurse Agnes says, bustling in and jamming a thermometer into Steve’s mouth. Nothing like a fever to pull a hamstring, Billy guesses. “Which leg, Mr. Harrington?”

“Right,” Steve mumbles around the thermometer.

“Don’t talk,” she huffs.

“But you asked me—”

“On your back, Mr. Harrington.”

Steve grunts and shifts onto his back, looking over at Billy for solidarity. Billy just grins and splays his legs further on his stool, kicking one leg up to brace on the side of the infirmary desk. Steve turns the same shade of red he gets after a good hour in practice. He makes a vague swatting motion that probably means ‘stop it’ but he sure doesn’t look away. Billy just runs his tongue over his teeth at him, getting the red to turn two shades darker.

Agnes’s diagnostic technique appears to be trying to shove Steve’s leg up towards his chest and seeing when he starts making pained sounds. Then she whips the thermometer out of his mouth and sweeps out of the room, tutting and shaking the thermometer and muttering about Steve running too warm.

“I was in PE,” Steve calls after her, grabbing the pillow out from under his head and chucking it at Billy. “Asshole,” he hisses.

“Can’t help it. Kinda hot watching you get fondled by a sixty-something old woman,” Billy teases, tucking the pillow between his own head and the wall. “Thought she was gonna mount you any second.”

“Me too,” Steve admits, dropping his head back down on the stripe of sanitary paper on the bed. “It was terrifying.”

***

“The official diagnosis was ‘hamstring injury and a mild fever, young man.’” Billy says, leaning on the heel of his hand as best he can while he’s handcuffed. “She put him on ice for 20 minutes, gave him some cheesy printout about stretches, and told him to give it a few weeks to heal.”

Hopper unlocks Billy from the cuffs, and then unlocks them from the chair as well, securing them back to his belt. Billy has the vague urge to get up and walk out just because he technically can and that’s his normal response to authority. He does have the good sense not to piss off one of the few okay adults in Hawkins, though, and not to ditch his boyfriend at the police station.

“Right. So Steve hurts himself and you just… forgot?” Hopper raises his eyebrows. “I’m sure you’re a more considerate boyfriend than that.”

Billy raises his eyebrows right back. “Based on… what?”

“Call it a hunch.”

Billy sighs and rubs his wrist. “Whatever you say, man. Anyway, that was over a month ago. I forgot about it once he was allowed back into the normal classes at gym. See, we don’t usually fuck in my car. Steve’s shitty parents are usually out of town. I thought the guy was secretly an orphan for a solid month after I met him because they were never around…”

***

“Why the fuck are your parents here for so long?” Billy groans, sitting low in the driver’s seat of the parked Camaro, letting his head loll out the window while he smokes a cigarette.

Steve lights his own cigarette and rolls the passenger side window down. “For my birthday.”

Billy frowns and raises his aviator sunglasses, glancing across the car. “It’s not your birthday.”

“I know. But next month there’s a conference in Tokyo or something.” Steve blows a mouthful of smoke out of the car.

“Okay, but… next month isn’t your birthday either.”

“I know.”

Billy thinks about also pointing out that since they’ve been home, they don’t appear to actually be doing anything with Steve. He and Billy spend all their time in Billy’s car, complaining about not having a parent-free place for sex anymore. But he figures Steve realizes that already too.

“Can’t believe we’re reduced to car sex at the local make-out point,” Billy sighs instead. “Surrounded by the other horny masses.”

Steve looks out the window. It’s turning dusky already, and making it hard to see the other cars parked among the trees. Pretty soon it’ll be too dark to see any of them, until they finish doing the deed and turn on the headlights to drive away, one by one. “We could always wait for my parents to leave. Might be another few weeks though.”

Billy stubs out his cigarette in the ashtray. “Get in the back seat and get your pants off, Princess.”

***

“Skip the sex part,” Hopper interrupts him. “I don’t need to hear that again. Just skip to the part I drove up to.”

“Okay, so remember that stupid little care sheet the nurse gave Steve?” Billy shoots a glare at the closed door of the interrogation room. “Guess who didn’t do any of his stupid fucking stretching exercises?”

***

Billy kind of hates his life right now. And his boyfriend. His boyfriend who has probably locked his fucking hamstring up because he thought sitting on ice for two goddamn days was as good as actually stretching.

“You’re the worst fucking athlete in the world,” he growls, grabbing Steve’s leg by the knee, kneeling in between his legs with their hips wedged together. It manages to be completely unsexy because Steve is an asshole, though. Billy is kind of mad at his own dick for staying hard through all of this.

“Oh fuck you. You don’t get to talk when you’re having the stupidest overreaction in the world,” Steve snaps, gesturing around vaguely from where he’s laying in the grass in his t-shirt and boxers. “Everyone is probably watching us.”

“Everyone is probably fucking because they didn’t fuck up their leg as soon as their sport season was over.” Billy sets a hand along the back of Steve’s thigh and leans his weight in gradually. “So now I get to fucking play physical therapist with your ass until it loosens back up.”

Steve hisses at the slow stretch when his thigh is barely past vertical. “My ass is fine, thank you.”

“Not if I can’t get my fingers into it, it’s not. It’s useless. Your ass is useless right now, Harrington.”

***

“Okay.” Hopper taps the desk like he’s surrendering a wrestling match. “Okay. That’s where I came by on my sweep. We’re done here. Just… stop talking. And do that in the gym from now on. Wearing more than just your underwear.”

Billy stands up and stretches. “Told you Steve was telling you the truth. Can I have him back now?”

Hopper gets up from his desk and grabs his hat. “Steve didn’t tell me anything.”

Billy blinks at Hopper’s back. Now there was a surprise.

Hopper opens the door to the interrogation room, spilling yellow light out onto the floor. Billy can hear Steve’s voice inside.

“Unless you’re here to give me that phone call, we have nothing to talk about.”

There’s a heavy sigh from Hopper and the sound of cuffs being unlocked. “Please get out and go home.”

Steve steps out of the interrogation room, blinking around at the dark interior and rubbing his wrists. “Billy!” He scrambles over and grabs Billy’s arm. “I didn’t say anything. If Hopper said I did, he was lying. I never sold you out.”

“You can’t sell me out when we actually didn’t do anything wrong,” Billy sighs, resting a hand on Steve’s head and turning him towards the door. “But thanks. Come on, Princess. I’ll take you home before the phone here rings and it’s your mom.”

Hopper shuts the station door firmly behind them.

#my writing #harringroveweekoflove #harringrove #billy/steve #poor Hopper #he did not sign up for this #he's here for the inter-dimensional monsters #and the evil scientists #and even the Russians getting involved #he does not need to investigate anything involving this much teenage sex

545 notes · View notes

namjoonchronicles · 4 years

Text

boxes | nj

↳ pairing namjoon, reader

↳ genre fluff, domestic, established relationship

↳ words 3.3k

↳ summary namjoon’s thriving work and your university never exactly go hand in hand, with the new adjustments made to accomodate the government’s effort to curb the pandemic, namjoon has to deal with your mood swings and all the boxes that came with it

↳ warning suggestive content, mentions of masturbation, stress mismanagement

↳ song dizzy ‘magician’

Doorbell. The door swung open to a sullen, barely awake Kim Namjoon. He managed to slide on a grey WTAPS hoodie as he walked to the door in his knee length shorts, rubbing his eyes and squinting at who was at the door.

“Mrs. Kim?” The delivery man asks. “That’s my wife, yes,” Namjoon said in a gritty voice.

He was slowly grasping the fact that he was entertaining a delivery addressed to his roommate and bedmate. The stranger at duty finally hands him a parcel, the size of a small go-kart cart meant for kids; and then shoves him an electronic device that Namjoon was supposed to sign on, where he acknowledges that the parcel had been received. The felt-tip pen doesn’t do justice to Namjoon’s otherwise pretty handwriting, but that’s not the first, and certainly won’t be the last.

And at the corner of Namjoon’s mind, by the time the delivery man left and disappeared to the end of the hall was, who was this from and what could it be?

Just a few hours ago, when the sun was hiding under the horizon, and the stars still decorated the skies, the chirping birds from the floor below had filled Namjoon’s ears as he crawled into bed, laying on his back and finally sighing from the amount of work he forced himself to do. A split second after, your alarm rang. And he frowned. Your arms reveal themselves from the depth of the duvet, snaking over Namjoon’s bare chest, as you brought your face over his nipples lazily to get to your phone that was on the nightstand. He exhaled through his nose and spoke under his breath,

“Your phone’s on the other side.”

Catching a few seconds of snooze before you actually replied, you mumbled,

“I know,” against his supple chest.

A few more minutes of skin contact before you had to start the day, you begged in your head. Your head was underneath Namjoon’s chin and his arm draped over your shoulders. As the mind awakes, you heard him say, “Wake up, or you’ll be late,” while absolutely nothing about his confining arms. His ridiculousness eventually made you smile, first thing in the morning. Had he been sleeping in regular hours, you wouldn’t feel like nagging him. But as you peel yourself from him, unwillingly, you saw his tired face and soft snores, you decided that sleep schedules are a discussion for another day. Rubbing your forehead, you finally fetched your phone on time before it begins to ring again and woke your husband up.

By the looks of it, he really needs the rest. The clock on the phone shows 7.02AM. Yawning, you dragged your feet into the bathroom and like that, your day begins.

It was your birthday. And your husband completely missed it. It hurts, but it was easy to shove every emotional matter aside because you were swamped with work from university. Ever since long distance education began, there were papers after papers after papers that your lecturer had advised to read and report on. Constructing frameworks with related articles, and dissecting what is needed and what wasn’t was not only time consuming, it was draining you emotionally and mentally. Sitting hours on end on the desk at home gave you back pain and earned you some appointments with Namjoon’s physiotherapist as per his insistent requests. There were papers, literally in every corner, on every surface of the house. Namjoon slipped over one. Or two. Once, or twice. Actually, a few times.

It gets mixed with his music arrangements, his lyrics, his online-purchase receipts. It gets stacked on his piano and several on his bookrack. Just, papers.

Birthday? On the most hectic week of your semesters where the final exam is held? And assignments to be submitted? No time. No time for celebration. It is article after article. Citations over citations. Paraphrasing after paraphrasing after some more paraphrasing. Namjoon watched in horror sometimes. Sometimes he just accepted his fate. That his wife, in distress, would place weird things in weird places. Such as, phone in the fridge or the microwave. Car keys in the wardrobe. House keys in shoes -- this one, you insisted that it fell but Namjoon could vouch that he actually saw you put them in the shoes and hung your socks on the key holder. Namjoon also had to text you, while in the house, to eat, and shower or sleep -- all the basic human necessities. And if he is not in the house, he sends pictures of his food to remind you.

Your stress was entirely something else. You were a whole different being. Not to say that you throw tantrums, or that you get fidgety. But you get hazy. The only way to explain it is, sometimes, when Namjoon is speaking to you, you could be looking into his face and watching him talk, and ask him to repeat because you didn’t hear a thing he said. You were just nodding. Like that one time when he was speaking about a certain meteor shower occurring at such and such time and place, you were wondrously staring only to say, “What did you say again? I wasn’t paying attention…I’m sorry.” Namjoon would shut his eyes in agony and fetch the remote to change the channel, refusing to repeat himself. And you would whine in protest because you feel that he felt neglected, and it wasn’t your intention. You were just occupied. By pressing due dates, and pressure to deliver paperwork feasible to your lecturers.

You left the house to have better home-study dynamics. Your Wifi has been on and off and despite Namjoon’s online complaints, no one has been allowed to perform technical aids in homes due to the Corona Virus spread. Aware of this, you took your work to the university where you can focus better. Namjoon wasn’t entirely against it. He was just worried that you wouldn’t eat on time, unsupervised. Namjoon has been actively working from home and you could see his productivity had been slowed down due to lack of environmental stimulation. He didn’t have to say it out loud, but if he does, you’re there to listen. So, it was your birthday. And he was half awake, pushing the parcel into the house, so it sits next to the couch.

And then. Another doorbell. And another. And another. And another.

“Mrs. Kim?” “Yes.”

Doorbell. Signed.

“Is this Mrs. Kim’s resi--” “Correct.”

Doorbell. Signed. Carry parcel.

“.” “That’s my wife?”

Doorbell. Signed. Parcel. Stack. Doorbell. Signed. Parcel. Pushed. Doorbell. Parcel. Signed. Pushed. Stacked. Pushed. Stacked.

Namjoon heaves one box in and lets out a big exhale when his phone begins to ring and he dashes to it, down the hall on the bedside table. His thumb drags the answer button, places his phone on his ear and breathes out, “Honey…”

“Hey, I’ve been calling and calling… I just got a text from several friends that they’re sending some--” “Parcels? Packages? Letters? Yeah, I think I got them…” Namjoon scans around the living room, “All of them.” “I’m so sorry, you must have been so tired, you didn’t even get much sleep. It’s just. My friends, they wanted to send me things for my birthday… is it a lot?”

Namjoon clamps his lips between his teeth, understanding the gravity of the situation. Not only had he forgotten his wife’s birthday, he was being an ass. Muttering fucks under his breath, he leans his forehead on the wall.

“It’s your birthday…shit, I forgot,” he scolds himself through the phone for you. You half-smiled while continuing to type on your computer.

“That’s right,” you hummed teasingly, “What are you going to do…Hmm?”

“I’ll do anything…” he pleaded.

“Anything? I’ll figure it out and let you know alright? I’m gonna be home soon… But I can’t say when… Take care.” “Does that mean today or like--Hello? Did she just hang up on me?” Namjoon stares at his phone screen where it reads ‘Call Ended.’

“Half of the living room is gone,” Namjoon pulled a chair out the dining table looking over the said scene.

You tutted your tongue, already imagining the gravity of the situation. Had it been you at home, Namjoon could have slept soundly. However as you had these assignments to submit and time-pinching articles to read that you have to be here. Namjoon sounded so exhausted. And honestly, you didn’t know how many more were coming since it was a surprise. You got these messages from the delivery company that there was a delivery under your phone number and address so you were notified as Namjoon was being bulleted with endless doorbells. It should end now. You’re not receiving any more messages. Half of you wanted Namjoon to give you a good night as a birthday gift, while the other wants him to suffer a couple of more nights of unattended ‘needs’. And you being you, it almost always falls on the latter.

The door unlocks and Namjoon springs on his feet, dashing to the entrance where you walked in with a couple of thick books in your arm, totally ignoring your lamp post husband holding the door open when you’re trying to close them. He thought he was helping you out so you stare at him to ask him why he is holding it open. He smiled awkwardly and let the door shut while you walked in to place the books stacked on the kitchen counter. Namjoon was hoping that you noticed that the sink is empty and that he washed all the dishes. You didn’t comment on anything but poured yourself a cold glass of water. Namjoon ran his tongue along the length of his lips to keep them from drying up. Eyes restless, body fidgeting at the sight of you gulping down the liquid. He stammers out the question, “H-how was your day?”

And he continues, while you give him your back to wash the mug, “You said you were coming home soon, and you didn’t until like seven hours later… Where did you go?”

“Ah, the lab technicians arranged a birthday celebration for me, you know Yoongi right? So they got me like a cake, I couldn’t save you some…” you smacked your lips together after hanging the glass on the racks to dry. Then you walked past the fridge to open it, poking your head inside while Namjoon chewed the insides of his cheek, looking down to his fiddling fingers. Then he softly said, “For seven hours…?”

You heard him but you spun around and told him flatly, “I’m going to go take a shower, can you heat this up for me?” Passing him a ready made meal, then tip toeing to grab his face to kiss him full on the lips. And deepening it enough to get him moaning, have his arm snaking under your dress shirt but pulling away when he tried to reciprocate the same passion. You smiled slyly as you skipped to your bedroom for him to follow you a bit later, just for him to be door slammed on the bathroom door. And locked. This is where Namjoon picks up the hint that it was a game you decided to play. It’s his punishment. And it began seven hours ago.

After your ready made meal, you were laying next to him in bed reading emails on the tab, rubbing his thigh up and down achingly slowly while he read and grew increasingly uncomfortable with his hardons. He had been reading the same sentences for the past 20 minutes and his philtrum was moist with sweat, he began blinking and shaking his head a couple of times. He said nothing because he knew you were doing this to punish him. Everytime your palm moved further up his thighs, inches away from where he really needs you, you pull away. Ever so accidentally, the back of your knuckle would brush against his clothed hard ons, and he would suppress a moan. He feels sore, itchy, dying to touch himself to the point that he was practically gripping so hard on his book.

Bored with emails, you began to watch a series on Netflix and every now and then, you would let out the gasps that he recognises to be the one you’d make in bed with him. You would also let out moans that would make him dizzy. His knee shakes as his needs go untreated and you asked him, in an angelic tone, “Is everything okay baby?”

He breathes, “No.” The book flew from his hand and he turned to you, begging with everything he has in him for you to, “Please. It hurts.”

You put your tabs away with a sigh, took your glasses off and you thumbed his cheek. Putting your face close enough for him to feel your breath on his skin, you smiled affectionately, “Goodnight baby…” Passing him a box of tissues and reminded him, “Not too loud, okay?”

Defeated, Namjoon almost felt like crying. How long must he deal with this? How long must he want and can’t have? And if you thought his desires died down after he masturbates, you were wrong. Sleeping right next to you like this, you were pushing your butt on his hip while sleeping soundly, making him shiver. All the hair behind his neck stood up as he tried to control his dick once again. He married the she-devil herself. Sweating profusely, he grabs the duvet above you, pressed himself on you, peppering wet kisses on your neck and shoulders and on every inch of skin he had access to, to hopefully persuade you into forever in a moment. He felt you stir awake and calling out his name in your sleepy voice, propelling him further into neediness.

“Please, let me make you feel good, hmm?” he pleaded. He begins grinding achingly slowly on the curve of your butt and makes you whine.You feel his every crevice and desperation that you sleepily giggle then he groggily says with a boyish tone, “I’ll make you feel so good.” He just really needs to hear you say his name in the manner only lovers know. He was going to lose his goddamn mind if you don’t do something to him. He felt so helpless and vulnerable and bare, it aches. He got on top of you, and suddenly everything feels heavier. His knees digging into the mattress next to your hip, the heat coming out from him, his dilated pupils and baritone voice, repeating how sorry he was. It had you gripping sheets and catapulted to another world. When he said he wanted you to feel good, he really meant rocketing you out the universe it seems. He was gentle and sensual about it, and it was your ultimate kryptonite.

The familiar coiling in the pit of your stomach, the rearing la petite mort as the French says, teeth sinking into flesh, rippling release. Namjoon was adamant to deliver. He then switched from being an absolute gentle angel to a beast. In the back of your mind, you knew he was getting back at you for the torture you let him through. He was determined to not let you leave the bed next morning, or the morning after that. That was the ability of a seasoned lover. He knows where to touch, where to bite, where to spend most time on. He knows just how to make you scream and have you yank his hair back like that. The way he delivers his love is like, “How dare you ignore me? How dare you deny me of your love?”

Namjoon stirred awake feeling sore. The duvet pools around his waist, his happy trails showing as he sat up on the middle of the bed, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his palm. He saw you curled on your side next to him. Staring at you long enough to watch you switch to your back and displaying the marks he made on you last night. He bit his lips at the sight as the memories returned in delicious flashes. He lays on his stomach and turns his head towards you, smiling like an idiot. He then floats his index finger over your exposed mound, nipples and down the middle of your torso, but there was nothing sexual about it, just sensuality. Consciousness swam tastefully around your head and you blinked several times, before the visions cleared. You caught him grinning.

“G’mornin,” he groggily greeted in his morning voice. “Morning,” you replied just as affectionately.

Then you figured that the boxes outside wouldn’t unpack themselves if you stayed in bed today, so after a quick breakfast, Namjoon was at your service. His job was to collect the boxes and foam sheets that came with fragile gifts. As you gasps and gawks at the items that are sent to you, like the quirky mugs and hand-stitched runners, Namjoon smiles in awe at how creative your friends and families are. There were hand printed t-shirts from your 1 year old nephew finger drawings, old baby pictures of you from your hometown and some signed books from your friend who is an author. They all had little notes that Namjoon would read aloud for you, he even got the tones right from knowing how your friends talk. Your cheeks were hurting from smiling ear-to-ear.

Namjoon watches you from the door sill as you placed the last gift next to his KAWS collection, with a fond smile stuck on his face. Tiptoeing, chin up, hair in a bun--was his wife. Then slowly, your vibrant face faltered. And Namjoon was quick to notice.

“What is it…?” He said, in a defeated tone. You answered with a shoulder shrug. “Another trip around the sun, another year getting older…” You slumped in the hammock next to the window glass. Namjoon joined you by sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall opposing you.

“Sometimes, I just wonder, is this all there is, and even though so, it’s a lot to unpack. Without you, my life would probably be dull, and even with these friends I dearly love, I would have felt very lonely. This year my birthday felt a little special. Although you forgot,” you squeezed your eyes at him, “I was actually happy you didn’t remember. I was sad that I’m no longer what I considered young. The gap just felt a little wider, and things grew over time. I worry about not having more time with my parents, and not contributing enough. I worry about the friends I have that I might no longer have in 3 years time. I worry about you and the things you’ll do and the hurdles you’ll face… I worry about everything that isn’t me.”

Namjoon leans his head back, listening, hugging his knees, hollowing his cheeks.

“I think the question that frequently goes into my mind is, where do we go from here? What’s there to look forward to now that we’re here? And I have to find the answers to these questions. Then I get impatient, anxious of not knowing what the correct answers are…” your voice drifted.

Namjoon scooted over to sit next to your knee like a huge pup, and he turned to face the same view you were looking at. Sunkissed skin, golden rays of the evening, the rainbow cascading from the crystal ball you hung at the corner of the room when the light hits. Everything about the day was tranquil. Then, Namjoon rested his chin on your knee, moved his cheek bone on them, mashing his lips to a pout. And in the comfortable brief silence you stayed, listening to the time tick, and the faint sound of the rustling traffic that Namjoon swiftly say,

“Maybe there aren't any answers.” And if that was true, and it might be true, maybe… there is very little to worry about. Seven trips around the sun with Namjoon. To a whole lot more.

140 notes · View notes

weasleydream · 4 years

Text

Their girl

Here it is!! I have to admit I’m proud of this one (that’s why I even made a teaser) and I really hope you will love it too!

Just for information, a part is based on HBP movie and I’ve used a citation from Dr. Seuss (Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.)

I really hope you enjoyed as much as I did, and don’t hesitate to give me feedbacks and to comment, like or reblog!

Masterlist

(gif not mine)

Teaser

The trail was narrow, so narrow that the brambles growing on each side hurt my legs through the torn fabric of my jeans. I held my wand as tight as possible with my right hand while I constantly wiped my sweat from my forehead with my left one. My breath was jerky and my lungs were burning, along with my legs, but I couldn’t take the risk to stop now. I had to reach the cavern as soon as possible; I had to tell Sirius he was caught. The screams were getting louder and louder behind me. I didn’t have to turn around to see they were catching up with me. Suddenly, the somber entrance of the cavern appeared in front of me.

Something was wrong. When I had left, the ivy was arranged so that it could hide the cavern, but now it was on the ground. Fearing that Sirius had already been found, I used my last strengths and ran in the cavern. Sirius was nowhere to be seen, but George was here. He was standing a few meters away from me, looking at me with the same look full of hatred than my pursuers.

“You lied to me.”

His voice was hoarse, and I heard all the venom he probably wished he could have spit. His hands were clenched in fists and he took a few steps forward. I feared him. What if he hit me? The George I knew would have never done it, but the boy in front of me wasn’t really him. It was a copy, just a copy whose goal was to destroy me at all costs.

Absorbed by George, I hadn’t realized the screams were louder than ever. I suddenly felt their presence behind me and I slowly turned around, deciding giving my back to George was less dangerous than ignoring what was behind. When I saw their bodies, I gasped loudly and my weak knees stopped supporting me. They were both dead, their faces covered in blood as it seemed like they had been severely beaten. Crimson drops fell regularly from a strand of Sirius’ hair. Remus’ scars were completely invisible underneath the bruises. My loud cry echoed in the stone and I clasped my hands on my mouth.

The crowd in front of me opened, people stepping backward with a sort of silent respect emanating from them. He walked slowly toward me, his snake eyes fixed on mine and his smile more terrifying than anything else.

“They are dead because of you, Y/N. You are the responsible of their death. They are dead because of you.”

Lord Voldemort took his wand and pointed it on me. In a last attempt to stay alive, I jumped on my feet even though I was too desperate to find a way to escape. It was useless, though, because George’s arms were maintaining me firmly in front of my death.

“They are dead because of you, Y/N. They are dead because of you. Because of you. Because of you..”

I suddenly woke up, tangled in the sheets that were now soaked with my sweat. I sat and pushed furiously with my legs until the wet fabric fell on the floor and I threw my pillow against the wall, for good measure. I had felt my tears on it, and the salty drops were still rolling on my cheeks. I tried my best to calm my breath, but the terror that had taken over me was too strong. I abruptly got up and hit the nearest wall. Once, twice. I only stopped when my breath became less shaky and I felt the blood flooding from my knuckles. I decided I didn’t care and sat on the floor, the back resting against the wall, and like absolutely every night since I had to stay with Sirius, I thought about both my life and my nightmares.

I was an orphan. I had spent all my childhood in a muggle orphanage, not understanding why strange things happened around me and not around the others. One day, I had received Professor Dumbledore’s visit and he had explained me everything. The magical world, Hogwarts, he had even given me some informations about the first wizarding war that had killed both my parents. A few weeks later, I had sat on a stool with the Sorting Hat on the head and ended in Gryffindor. During my first years, I had made a lot of friends, I had played Quidditch… I wasn’t in the team, but my two best friends, Fred and George Weasley, had taught me everything about their favourite sport and whenever they invited me to their house, we would play during hours. Everything had changed during my sixth year, when I had met Sirius Black, who had escaped Azkaban the previous year. It was the very first breakout, and he was known as a dangerous murderer. But one day, as I was walking alone in Hogsmeade, three older men had attacked me and dragged me behind an empty shop. I didn’t know what would have happened if a huge black dog hadn’t showed up at this moment. Saying I was surprised when I saw the dog turning into Sirius Black and when I had understood he had saved me would be an understatement. However, I hadn’t been afraid. Something in his eyes, the desperation he showed me was enough for me to trust everything he had said. The following weeks, I had brought him food and blankets to make sure he would survive, even if I was obviously not the only one. I had always been careful not to be seen, but one day, two kids had followed me and seen Sirius. We had both seen them, and we knew they would denounce me. From this day, I hid with Sirius and no one never had any new of me, except Remus Lupin who was the only one to know where we were along with Dumbledore. The only thing I truly regretted was my bond with the twins, and even a bit more with George, who I liked very very much.

From this day, the nightmares haunted my nights, and I always had one solution. I eventually decided to get my ass up and left my room in the 12, Grimmauld Place. I came downstairs, hoping I would find Sirius in the living-room. A fire was burning in the chimney, which obviously wasn’t for the temperature, because since the beginning of the summer, London was a burning hell. No, I knew the cracklings of the fire were something quite reassuring for Sirius when he was woken up by his own nightmares. I found him lying on the couch. His eyes were closed but there was no snore escaping from his mouth.

“Sirius,” I whispered. “Please, groan if you’re awake.”

Indeed, he groaned loudly and opened his eyes after an ostensible yawn intended to make me understand how he wanted to sleep.

“Come on, make me some room.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and sat, letting me enough space to sit next to him.

“You want to talk about it?” He asked with a hoarse voice.

I knew he was looking at me, probably as worried as each night. And like every night, I shook my head, he sighed, passed an arm around my shoulders and recalled a funny story of his Hogwarts years. And as usual, I thought of how lucky I was to be with him, and how he and Remus were the closest things to a family I had ever had.

Remus arrived soon in the next morning to announce us we would have some visit. It was quite unexpected: in fact, since the end of June, Sirius, Remus and I had been the only ones in this scary house. When I recognized Dumbledore’s half-moon spectacles, my mouth fell wide open.

“I’m glad to see you too, miss Y/L/N.” He said with a smile. “I have to admit I would have been curious to see the results you would have obtained with your NEWTs but, what do you want, I guess it wasn’t meant for you.”

I shrugged, not really knowing what to answer. Even if I wasn’t an Hogwarts student anymore - and this thought always made my heart sting a bit - Albus Dumbledore was the kind of person who was intimidating, the kind you didn’t want to say stupid stuff in front of.

“But I’m not here to embarrass you with school problems. According to the situation we are facing, I want to inform the three of you that from now, the Order of the Phoenix rises from the ashes.”

I knew perfectly well what the Order of the Phoenix was. Dumbledore himself had told me about it a few years ago, back in the orphanage, and Sirius and Remus had also told me plenty of stories about it. But that wasn’t really a shock; after all, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was back and someone had to stop him. What shocked me was what Dumbledore told us after, with his piercing eyes fixed on me as if he knew how affected I would be.

“The Order has already found new members. Before the end of the week, the Weasleys will install here and help with the meetings. Molly and Arthur want to participate, and they will bring five of their children.”

After that, I was too taken aback to listen to their discussion. I caught a glimpse of Remus’ eyes on me before I stormed out of the kitchen where we had been and joined my room. Although I desperately wanted it to be a joke, a voice in my head whispered viciously I would have to face the twins in less than a week. My best friends, my first crush, whose several letters had always been ignored because I couldn’t take the risk to answer them… In the last one I had received, they had written they thought maybe I was dead. Maybe someone had kidnapped me, and when they had looked for me, they were too late. It was painful to read that, to know how pained they had been whereas I was alive, just unable to give them any information.

And they were going to live in this house for an entire summer.

“Bloody hell!” I shouted.

The door opened and Remus’ head appeared. He had obviously understood what was going in my mind as he sat next to me and ruffled softly my hair. I had noticed it was his way to show me some affection, because he was way more timid than Sirius who never hesitated to hug me if he wanted to.

“I know it will be difficult for you, Y/N, but it will be okay.” He said.

Something in his voice was reassuring, it was a true gift he had. No wonder why he had been every Hogwarts student’s favourite professor, me included. Despite his terrible condition, this guy had the biggest heart I had even seen.

“What if they hate me?” I whispered, looking up to him with teary eyes. “I haven’t shown any sign of life, they think I’m dead. What if they hate me for lying to them?”

“Technically, you didn’t lie, you just hid a part of the truth.” It was Sirius, whose shoulder was resting against the doorframe.

“Thank you, Sirius.” I narrowed my eyes at him and he grinned. Without even looking, I knew Remus had rolled his eyes.

“But Remus is right. Don’t worry, it will be okay. And if it isn’t, this house is big enough for you to avoid them.”

Sirius quickly dodged the pillow I had thrown to him and left with a laugh. Remus patted my shoulder and followed him, letting me alone with my thoughts.

I thought I was prepared. Hell, I had learned a speech to explain my situation, and to apologize. I should have known I would froze as soon as I would see them. And Merlin, it didn’t miss. The first ones to enter the house were Molly and Arthur. I recognized their voices, unable to see them because I was hidden in the kitchen. They had been like my parents, they had welcomed me in their house, and all of sudden, I felt the urge to jump in Molly’s comforting embrace. I had to remind myself I wanted to see the twins first. They immediately followed their parents and my heart skipped a beat when I heard them for the first time in months.

“I didn’t think I could visit a place dirtier than Filch’s office.”

I was pretty sure it was Fred. I couldn’t help but smile genuinely. George said something I couldn’t understand, and I heard Sirius describing them the way to the kitchen, asking them to grab something for him. Apparently, one of them wanted to use his wand - I suddenly remember they were now allowed to use magic outside school - but Sirius dissuaded them by showing the lovely portrait of his mother. A few seconds later, the door opened, and the twins stepped in the kitchen.

The only noise was the one of the door closing as Fred and George looked at me with round eyes and wide open mouth. I stood in front of them with what was probably the dumbest look ever seen on my face but unable to remember a bloody word of my speech. The first one to react was George, and before I could even process the fact that he had blinked, he was engulfing me in a bone crushing hug. Fred soon followed and I found myself in the middle of a Weasley sandwich in no time. I had imagined plenty of scenarios for this moment, but me bawling my eyes out in their arms wasn’t really what I expected. If anything, I would have thought the contrary would happen.

I would be unable to say how long we stayed like this, but no one interrupted us. I supposed Sirius and Remus had explained the situation to everyone by now, and they wanted us to sort things out.

“Why?” That was Fred’s first words for me. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“What the hell even happened?” continued George. “Y/N, we thought you were dead. Dead! You just disappeared, like this and... “

“And we’ve felt so fucking guilty!” exclaimed Fred. “We thought it was our fault, that we shouldn’t have let you alone and -”

“Stop.” I had murmured but they both shut up, obviously waiting for an explanation.

And I gave it to them, without omitting any detail (except my crush on George), I told them everything from the day Sirius had saved me until the previous week when I had freaked out when learning they would come. I told them about my nightmares and how badly I had wanted to send them an owl, how guilty I had felt when I had read their last letter. They listened to me without saying anything, the same look in the eyes. I was unable to read them right now, their faces were closed and they weren’t even looking at me. When I finally finished, a heavy silent took place.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” I felt something like anger boiling in my veins, even though I knew I shouldn’t be the angry one.

“It’s a lot to process.” Fred said quietly.

“Y/N, I don’t think you understand…” If I didn’t know him better, I would have thought George was on the verge of crying. “We’ve hoped you were alive, somewhere… They have told us you were probably gone on your own, but we knew better than that. Then they have told us maybe you had been kidnapped, and you were probably dead. They… They wanted us to let go of you, to forget you, and we have.” I felt my heart stinging. “We have because it was too painful to think you had given up on us, and it was even worse to think you were dead. You can’t blame us for not knowing what to think. You just can’t.”

With that, he turned the heels and left, followed by Fred. None of them even looked at me, and if they had done so, they would have seen the most broken expression I had even shown. I knew it would be difficult but I had hoped they could understand they weren’t the only ones suffering in this. I had been forced to give up on my life, on the only place that had been home for me. I had lost my first real family.

I decided to avoid everyone and hid in my room for the rest of the day. When the diner approached, my stomach started to rumble but I refused to go downstairs and risk to run into Fred and George. I wanted to see Molly and Arthur along with Ron and Ginny and the mysterious fifth sibling accompanying them. However, I feared the same reaction than the twins, and I didn’t think I could handle that.

A soft knock on the door interrupted my thought. I ignored it, hoping that whoever was here would understand and leave me alone.

“Hey, groan if you’re awake.”

I chuckled despite myself and dragged my tired body to the door to let Sirius in. I immediately came back to my bed and dramatically threw myself on it.

“I guess it didn’t happen like you wanted.”

I shook my head, my face still hidden in the pillow. I felt his hand on my shoulder.

“I understand it’s hard but it will be okay, Y/N. Remus and I have explained everything to Molly and Arthur. Molly told us she would talk to Fred and George but only if you bring your ass downstairs. I think she wants to know if we feed you correctly.” I laughed.

“We’re lucky she wasn’t with us in this cavern then.”

Sirius faked an horrified expression.

“Merlin, you’re right. She would have killed me and fed you with more mashed potatoes than a normal human being could ever eat.”

“Or killed you too for scaring her like that.” Remus passed his head through the door and smiled at me. “The dinner is ready, prepared by no one else than Molly. Come on Y/N, you can’t miss that.” He added when I shook my head.

I gave up and followed Remus and Sirius downstairs. They went directly in the kitchen and I timidly followed them. The conversations suddenly stopped and a loud noise echoed. Molly had dropped the dish she was holding and rushed toward me, her arms wide open. Without thinking about it, I threw mine around her neck.

“Y/N, I’m so happy to see you! Oh, dear, you have no idea how worried we’ve been!” She lowered her voice and murmured in my ear: “Don’t worry for Fred and George. They are quite surprised, but they have missed you so much…”

I smiled weakly and Molly returned to her dish. I saw Arthur conversing with Remus, but the twins were nowhere to be seen. On the other hand, Bill’s presence was a pleasant surprise. I had always gotten along with all the Weasley family, even Percy who would always want to play chess with me, even if he always lost. I also saw Ron and Ginny, the latter sending be a broad smile before hugging me. I suddenly realized how much I had missed them and I felt my heart swelling with joy. It would have been a perfect dinner if the twins had been there.

Later that night, another nightmare woke me up. I straightened in my bed, my shoulders shaking in the rhythm of my sobs. The look of hatred the Fred of my nightmare had thrown me was engraved in my memory, and the voice of his brother saying he hated me echoed in my ears. A shiver ran down my spine, and I caught myself fearing the dark around me. Suddenly unable to stay here, I rushed out of my room, not really bothering to be silent as I ran downstairs. I needed more than ever to see Sirius, to hear one of his stories or literally anything that would make me forget my nightmare. According to the crackling of the flames I heard, he was there. I found him sitting on the usual couch with a wooden box on the knees. His shaky hands were holding a letter. I stopped, fearing he wouldn’t accept my presence tonight, but Sirius looked up to me and a sad smile appeared on his face.

“Another nightmare?”

I just nodded, a huge lump in my throat preventing me from saying anything. I sat next to him and waited patiently for him to tell me what he was reading.

“It’s one of the last letters Lily Potter has sent to me. This,” he said while handing me a photo, “is the photo she has sent with the letter. It’s Harry, it was his first birthday.” He pointed at baby Harry, whose forehead was still free from any scar. “And this is James.” Sirius stifled a sad laugh while looking at his friend’s legs. It was the only part of his body we could see, and I could tell he was running behind Harry. “I wish I could have been here…” murmured Sirius.

I didn’t know what to say. Quite fortunately for me, Sirius sighed and put the letter and the photo back in the box. He delicately carried the latter to the table and came back next to me.

During the following days, I spent a lot of time with Ginny and Ron. They told me everything that had happened in my absence, carefully omitting all twins-related subjects. I also talked a lot with Molly, mostly about futile things as cooking and Charlie’s work in Romania. Arthur and Bill weren’t here often. We also received Nymphadora Tonks’ visit a few times, along with Alastor Moody’s one. However, despite the several persons surveying the corridors of this house, I felt more alone than ever.

My second proper conversation with Fred and George happened almost a week after the first one. I had done my best to avoid the cleaning of the house. When Sirius and I were alone here, the dust and the spiders weren’t a problem, but Molly wanted the place to be as livable as possible. I had pretended I was sick, which had earned me narrowed eyes from Remus, and I was now alone in my room. I was curled up on the threadbare seat in front of the window, looking at those who had the chance to be able to walk in the street. The door opened so slowly it didn’t make any noise. What warned me was the squeak of the floor and I turned vividly the head to see George closing the door.

“I heard you were sick.” His voice was quiet and it was the first time in a week he actually looked at me in the eyes. A little smile appeared on his face. “You don’t seem at death’s door, though.”

“I just didn’t feel like cleaning all day… I swear if I see one more dead rat I’m gonna explode.”

We both laugh, two shy laughters that filled my heart with something I had missed a lot: the bliss of being with one of my best friends. George walked toward me and raised an eyebrow, asking me silently if he was allowed to sit. In response, I made him some room. He sat in front of me, in the same position and his gaze drifted for awhile.

“It’s kind of funny, when you think about it.”

George looked at me, probably alarmed by my nostalgic tone. I hadn’t realized I had spoken, but when I caught his look, I continued.

“Everyone blames everyone for what happened but in the end… It’s no one’s fault.”

“What do you mean?”

“Fred and you blame me for disappearing, and probably Sirius for showing me who he was.” He didn’t deny. “You also blame yourselves because I was alone this day. I blame myself because I was the one deciding to help Sirius, and he blames himself for involving me in this. But in fact, none of us is really responsible, you know? We couldn’t know how this would turn out…”

“You’re right, we couldn’t.” It was Fred, who had obviously succeeded in avoiding his mother too. I hadn’t heard him arrive either. “And we don’t really blame you. You shouldn’t think that, Y/N.”

“Do you think one day you’ll stop hating me?”

I sounded so pathetic but it was maybe my worst fear. If they couldn’t forgive me…

“We don’t hate you, Y/N. We have never hated you.”

George had stood up and grabbed my hand. He pulled me toward him, tightening me against his chest.

“We don’t hate you…” he repeated.

At this very moment, my heart could have stopped beating and it wouldn’t have mattered. I was happier than I had ever been, knowing that my two best friends were here with me. And my laughters were more genuine than it had been in a long time when Fred exclaimed:

“You’re adorable, but I’m starving. I’m sure it’s time for a snack.”

From this point, what was going to be a living hell became the best summer I ever had. I spent my days cleaning with Fred, George, Ron, Ginny and when they arrived, Harry and Hermione and my nights talking with the twins. Sometimes, Molly caught us three still awake at unholy hours and sent me in my room, but it was quite rare. I was pretty sure most of the time, she let me with her sons on purpose. These nights, my nightmares were worse than usual.

Fred and George’s absence during the school year worsened considerably my state. By June, I was barely able to close my eyes more than three or four hours per night and I had to admit I was a pitiful sight to see.

“Y/N, have you seen the bags under your eyes?” exclaimed Remus one evening in the middle of June.

He and Sirius had called me in the living-room and were lecturing me.

“You need to tell us what’s happening.” Whereas Remus was getting angry, which was very unusual and quite worrying, Sirius’ voice was softer and his eyes were fixing me. “You worry us Y/N. You don’t sleep enough anymore and… It seems to be worse.”

“We thought maybe you need some fresh air.” Added Remus. “We have asked Molly if you can stay at the Burrow a few days. Would you like it?”

“I don’t want to disturb.” I mumbled.

“You won’t, don’t worry. Plus, she’s asked for weeks to see you.” said softly Sirius.

No sooner said than done, I was immediately sent to pack my things in my room while Remus warned Molly I would arrive the next day. And it didn’t fail: a few hours later, I was desperately trying to escape her hug. Plus, I hadn’t eaten anything since the previous evening and a delicious smell was arriving in my nostrils from the kitchen. My stomach started to rumble and I was quite surprised I wasn’t drooling yet. Molly dragged me toward the table and put in front of me a plate with an unknown meat covered in sauce. It took the best of myself for me not to swallow everything in one bite. Molly was somewhere outside, she had warned me she was going to get some vegetables in the garden. The silence here was different from the one in Grimmauld Place. Back in there, it was heavy, charged with all the awful things said and done in this house when Sirius was younger. His constant melancholy seemed to impregnate the walls. But at the Burrow, the walls weren’t blank, they were covered in pictures and drawings. Everything in the house, from the chess board that was on the chimney to the blanket always laying on the couch during the coldest days of winter, everything here sent whoever stepped in this fabulous house a pleasant feeling of being home. Maybe Remus and Sirius weren’t wrong after all, maybe things would get better for me after staying here.

The following day was the most normal one I had in years. I woke up in Bill’s old room, joined Molly in the kitchen for the breakfast - Arthur was already at work - and spent the morning helping her with different chores. The sun being high in the sky, we decided the garden could use a bit of weeding and after the lunch, Molly handed me a pair of gloves. Taking a well deserved break, two hours or so later, I sat on a bench.

“Oh, I have forgotten to tell you!” Molly stopped in her tracks and turned toward me, smiling at me. “I’ve sent an owl to Fred and George. They are very busy with their shop but they’ll come to say hello, probably tomorrow.”

I grinned excitedly, already eager to see my best friends. I couldn’t visit them, still wanted for helping Sirius, and that was bothering me a much as them. I couldn’t help but notice Molly’s smile faltering when she mentioned the shop, and according to the look she was arbouring, I knew I was in for an entire discussion about it.

“I can’t believe they left school!” Molly exploded, making me jump. I got up and approached her. “I mean I knew they thought it was a waste of time but what if their shop doesn’t work? What are they going to do?”

“Molly, they are smart. If they left, that’s because they are confident. From what I know, they already have a lot of fans, and even if it doesn’t work as expected - which I highly doubt, everything seems always fine with these two! - they’ll find something else. Don’t worry for them.”

My answer obviously wasn’t what Molly wanted to hear, but that was what I thought. I had seen a few inventions, had barely avoided testing some others, and I knew the boys were motivated.

We gardened in silence another hour and when the heat became too much to bear, we retreated in the welcome freshness of the house. I let myself fall on a chair, completely exhausted.

“I would never have thought gardening was that physical!”

Molly laughed and replied something, but a loud noise from the chimney covered the sound of her voice. We both rushed in the living-room to see Remus barely standing on his feet. His face showed more tiredness than I had ever seen on him, more desperation too. The tears flooding from his eyes created shining trails on his cheeks.

I froze, simply unable to make my brain work long enough to ask him what was happening. Unconsciously, I kept glancing at the chimney to see Sirius appear.

Little did I know what Remus had to tell me.

“Remus, Remus tell me what’s happening!”

Molly was fussing around him, checking some injuries I hadn’t even noticed. His eyes were fixed on his knees and mine on him, and the more time passed, the more the fear crept on me. Slowly, I was understanding what had happened but when Remus finally told it, his shaky voice so different from his usual calm one, it didn’t prevent my heart from almost stopping after a few painful beats.

“Sirius is dead.”

Honestly, I didn’t think three words could be that painful. No nightmare, no I hate you from anyone could hurt that much. I never thought one day, I would feel my heart slowly cracking before exploding under the weight of my loss. He’s gone. Dead. He’s not here anymore.

I felt like I was drowning, but in the same time, I became more aware of the two pairs of eyes on me. Molly’s mouth was opened in shock, her hand was stopped in the air, as if she had wanted to put it on my shoulder, and Remus was looking at me like he was trying his best not to break down. He had just lost his best friend, one of the only people who had ever understood him, and I knew how distraught he was, but the hole in my heart was filling with anger and I found myself clenching my fists to contain it. Remus choked out a few words, trying his best to explain what had happened. It took all my will to stay calm, but when I understood Sirius had left the house to fight a stupid battle, I lost it.

“Why did he leave the house?”

My voice was quiet, muffled by the lump of pain in my throat. I was trembling as a wave of rage hit me.

“He should have never left! It was Dumbledore’s order! Why did he leave? WHY DID YOU LET HIM LEAVE?”

I was screaming non senses the loudest possible. Without realizing it, I found myself in the kitchen, enveloped in Molly’s embrace. But I wasn’t done, I needed to get whatever I was feeling out, I couldn’t let it suffocate me. I was still yelling, struggling to make Molly let go of me. She finally loosened her grip, but her eyes were still worried when she saw Remus entering in the kitchen. Understanding the silent message of his pleading eyes, she left in the living-room, letting us alone.

“Y/N, please, let me -”

“Explain? Are you gonna tell me how he’s- how he’s dead, or are you gonna find an excuse on why he left this bloody house?”

Ignoring my provocation, Remus forced himself to adopt a calmer attitude and explained everything. The Ministry, the arch. A deafening silence took place as soon as he finished, a silence I couldn’t bring myself to break because I feared I would explode once more. But hell, I couldn’t clench my fists harder, blood was already straining my skin as my nails were deep on my flesh, and I was trembling more and more. Without any warning sign, I screamed and hit abruptly the table. I didn’t even see Remus flinching when I grabbed a bowl containing fruits and threw it toward him. I missed him and frantically looked for something else. My tears were blinding me and my throat sore from screaming that much, and the floor was littered with broken glasses and scattered food.

From what I was able to see through the veil of tears covering my eyes, Remus was standing in front of me, trembling with all his being and not doing anything to stop me. He was accepting all my unfair accusations, all my hurtful words spat with venom. He didn’t say anything, obviously beating himself up with his guilt. Among my screams and my tears, I didn’t even notice Molly sneaking in the kitchen, followed by Fred and George. I only realized they were here when a pair of arms gripped me tightly and dragged me outside.

The air had considerably freshened, contrasting with the emotions boiling inside me. I found myself being hugged once more, and the feeling of two bodies pressed against mine finally got me out of the abyss. I just stayed here, my face hidden in George’s neck, sobbing and repeating I didn’t want him gone.

“My parents and now… Am I not enough? Why does no one stay?”

Fred’s arms tightened around my waist and George tensed, and I sobbed with renewed vigour. I couldn’t tell how much time passed while I was wrapped in this comforting embrace, but when I finally lifted my head, I noticed Fred was gone. George was looking at me, an hand on my lower back and the other cupping my cheek. When another tear rolled down on my face, he gently wiped it with his thumb and pressed me against his chest. He didn’t say he was sorry, he didn’t say it would be okay, he just showed me he was with me.

The sun was on the verge of going down when I considered the thought of getting inside. George’s arm was still around me, acting like a protective blanket against the cold air of the evening and the pain threatening to drown me. The sound of steps behind us made me jump, and I turned my head to see Fred watching us with a sad smile. He sat next to me and put his hand on my back.

“The kitchen was a mess, I don’t think Peeves could have done better.” He laughed softly when I let out a watery chuckle. “Don’t worry though, Mum, R- and I have fixed it.”

“You don’t need to be careful of what you’re saying around me. I need you both to be… To be just you, or else I won’t been able to do it.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll be as annoying as usual.” assured George with a smirk.

“You’ll want to get rid of us in an hour.” added Fred.

“Never.” I murmured before being engulfed in another Weasley sandwich.

What got me to bring my ass in the living-room was a loud sob echoing in the house. I knew who it was, and my unfair anger immediately vanished when I heard for the very first time Remus crying. I rushed in the room and jumped on him, throwing my arms around his neck and tightening him like my life depended on it. Remus was doing the same thing, and this hug was painful, both physically and mentally. We didn’t say anything, but we both knew what it meant.

Now, it was just the both of us.

I didn’t sleep this night, nor did I even close my eyes the following one. I had to hear everyone arguing around me about what they would do with me. Molly wanted me to stay at the Burrow, Remus refused and said he would take care of me while Fred and George thought I should live with them, their main point being that I had to see their shop.

“She could help us!” had proposed George.

Only at this moment did I realize I was now free to go wherever I wanted. And it seemed like the others had understood it as well because Molly came up with the idea of sending me back to Hogwarts.

“No. I stay with Remus.”

I didn’t really recognize my voice. It was hoarse, my throat being sore from the hours I had spent crying the last two days. I felt plenty of worried eyes on me and suddenly felt oppressed. I turned the heels and escaped the overcrowded kitchen of the Burrow, preferring the silence in the garden.

I immediately recognized the hand on my shoulder, and didn’t hesitate before resting my head on his shoulder.

“I promise I’ll come to your shop soon.” I murmured. “I just don’t feel like it right now.”

“I know, love.” answered George. “Don’t worry.”

My heart fluttered when I heard the nickname he had always given me, remembering me the pain wasn’t the only thing I was allowed to feel. I caught myself hoping he would kiss me for the first time in months before mentally scolding my stupid feelings. Sirius was dead and I thought of kissing George? What was wrong with me?

I had decided to stick with Remus without thinking about what it implied. I had to go back to Grimmauld Place. Remus had been reluctant to tell me, fearing I would freak out or throw him another bowl in the face, but also because he knew how painful it would be for the both of us. “I don’t want you to suffer more than you already are.” he had told me. I knew he wanted badly to find another solution, but Dumbledore had ordered him to stay there until he figured out what to do with the house.

So here I was, unable to push this stupid door and enter this stupid house. Remus was patiently waiting behind me, but I suspected him to have a hard time too. Finally, the hand I had put on the handle five minutes ago pushed the door and I took a few steps in the dark hall. I thought I would break down and scream, the pain and the anger taking over me, but I certainly didn’t expect the numbness I was currently feeling. It was like I wasn’t controlling my own body as I climbed the stairs to reach my room, not really paying attention to what Remus had told me or to Kreacher looking down on me.

The main reason I hadn’t slept since Sirius’ death was the fear. I knew what would come as soon as my eyes would close: the nightmares would be more terrifying than ever.

“You can’t stay awake forever, Y/N.” had said George when I had confessed him my fear.

And I knew he was right, of course he was, but that didn’t prevent me from freaking out each time my eyelids closed against my will. However, in the middle of this night, as I was lulled by the crickets chirpings, I fell asleep.

The cavern was empty. I was curled up in a corner, hidden in the shadows as people kept walking in front of the entrance without coming in. I couldn’t understand their whispers, but I was pretty sure they were talking about me. Some were hissing my name with venom while metallic noises echoed against the stone. Weapons. My breath was shaky, and my arms, which were wrapped around my knees, kept trembling. Suddenly, something happened outside.

The people at the entrance seemed to panic as someone shouted among them. Rushed steps noises blurred the voices for a moment, and soon the shadow of a man appeared on the floor. His voice hadn’t this reassuring tone it used to have.

“Y/N, where are you? Come say hello… Y/N, I know you miss me. Why don’t you show yourself?”

Sirius’ voice was creepy. He seemed totally insane, yet I was so desperate to see him that I looked up. I was still hidden in the shadows and he couldn’t see me, but I could see perfectly well his knotted hair surrounding his gaunt face. He had a faint smile, but the most terrifying about him was the gleam of insanity in his eyes. I let out a gasp and Sirius pointed directly his wand on me.

“Here you are, Y/N. Come say hello, come say hello to me…”

Without realizing it, I had jumped out of bed as soon as I had opened my eyes and slammed the door open. My bare feets made no noise on the dusty floor as I rushed in the living-room.

“Sirius where are you?”

Only after my desperate call did I realize I was alone here. No cracklings from the fire, no bottle of wine on the table, no story to tell, no one to comfort me. Sirius was gone. Despite these last two days of mourning, it was the first time I completely understood what death meant, and the pain brought by this realization was too painful. I was barely aware of the screams escaping my mouth, of the tears covering my cheeks, of the blood on my knuckles as I hit the wall. I didn’t hear Remus arriving, didn’t feel his arms around me or processed the words he was saying to me. The only thing I knew was that Sirius was really gone, and he would never come back.

I opened my eyes in a room I had never seen before. I gasped loudly and practically jumped off the bed. It took me a few seconds to recognize Remus, uncomfortably sleeping on a chair on a corner of the room. His face should have been relaxed, yet I still could see little wrinkles around his eyes and on his forehead. While looking at him, I also remembered the previous night. The nightmare, the living-room, Sirius. Just thinking of him was incredibly painful and I let out a sob. Remus immediately woke up and was next to me in a split second. He engulfed me in a hug, pressing my shaking body against his chest.

“You were screaming.” he murmured. “And crying. Just before passing out in exhaustion, you said you didn’t want to see this place… I thought I could bring you here. We’re at my house.”

“Thank you.” My voice was so muffled by his neck, where I had hidden my face, that I wasn’t even sure he could hear me. “But Dumbledore -”

“It doesn’t matter.” Remus interrupted me with a very soft voice. “You matter.”

“How did he die?”

My question seemed to shock him as I felt him tensing. He slowly pushed me away to look at me in the eyes, probably expecting to see tears. And he was totally right: my sight was blurry and my cheeks wet, but I needed to know how it had happened, or else I knew I wouldn’t find peace. Remus understood that and told me everything, from Harry’s connexion with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named to the fight in front of the ark. When he finished, the silence seemed to last for hours before I eventually found something to say.

“He was laughing… He was in the middle of a fight with Death Eaters and he was laughing…”

“Yeah, we know how he is…” answered Remus with a nostalgic tone.

None of us bothered to correct what he had said. Maybe because deep down, we knew Sirius would always be there.

I was so drown in my own grief that I hadn’t really realized I wouldn’t be the only one suffering. There was Remus, of course, even though he was always hiding his feelings in front of me so that I could focus on mine, but there was also Harry.

Remus had told me a few members of the Order would accompany the Weasleys to welcome Harry and Ron back at King’s Cross. He had insisted that I should go with them, that it would be nice to get out of the house, which I hadn’t done once. When the day of their return arrived, Remus and I met Tonks, Mad-Eye, Molly, Arthur, Fred and George. The twins both hugged me but they didn’t say anything about Sirius, which I appreciated. I didn’t want to talk about it, about my pain and my sadness, but when I saw Harry appearing after walking through the barrier and the look he sent me, I realized I had to tell him something. Anything. Sirius had been his godfather, after all.

Once Harry and Ron were done with the traditional welcoming, our group moved toward the Dursley family and I took this opportunity to grab Harry’s arm. He immediately stopped, letting everyone take a short advance before turning toward me.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered before scolding myself.

He had probably heard that a thousand timed and that was certainly not what he needed to hear now. However, much to my surprise, he nodded and put an hand on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry too… It’s my fault.” My heart ached when I heard the desperation in his voice.

“No.” He looked at me, obviously surprised to hear my harsh tone. “It’s not your fault Harry, it has never been.”

He choose to ignore what I had just said.

“You’re the only one who understands me.” He murmured. “They are all saying they are sorry, that he was someone good, but no one didn’t really know him, you know? We’re the only ones and I… I appreciate what you did, Y/N.”

He left without explaining what he meant and joined the Dursleys. After one last hug, Fred and George left too, saying they were busy and their family and Mad-Eye followed them. Tonks decided to stay with us a bit longer, and Remus invited her for the tea. I caught them exchanging a knowing glance, but I knew I would find out about what it was. Indeed, half an hour later all three of us were sitting in the living-room, drinking our tea in a comfortable silence. Remus suddenly stood up and patted my shoulder, announcing he had something to do, and left me alone with Tonks. She immediately moved next to me.

“I won’t say I’m sorry because I feel like that’s not what you want to hear.” She said. I nodded gratefully. “But I wanted to give you that.”

She handed me a photography she had taken a few months ago, when she had insisted she wanted to have photos of all the Order members. On this one, I was sitting between Remus and Sirius, the latter holding high a glass of wine and ruffling my hair. Remus looked like he was trying to disappear, but his smile was genuine as he was glancing on us. My arms were wrapped around their shoulders, and my grin was so large that anyone could feel their cheeks hurt just by looking at it.

Seeing it reminded me of how happy I had been with them, and it made the unfairness of Sirius’ death more painful, if it was possible. But a little voice in my head whispered something I had heard a few years ago, back in the muggle orphanage. Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened. And that’s what I did: I forced my lips in a smile, first weak then genuine, and I felt a weight getting off my shoulders.

“Thank you Tonks. Thank you.”

From this day, tears stopped being a daily thing. Slowly but surely, I learned how to keep my pain under control and, most importantly, I learned to open myself. Remus had always known when I was feeling down but, during the following months, it happened more and more often when he would ask me if I was okay and I would answer no instead of lying. The only thing I hadn’t really told him was this part of shadow hidden in me, the one still causing nightmares every night and remembering me Sirius was gone. I had made progresses on ignoring it, but sometimes, it was too strong for me and I broke down. That’s what happened on Christmas, six months after Sirius’ death.

All this time, I had stayed with Remus, visiting occasionally Molly at the Burrow. I had only seen the twins once, their shop occupying them to the point that they didn’t have a free day. That’s why Molly had thought she could reunite us at Christmas, and she had invited Remus and I.

It wasn’t the first time I stayed there for Christmas, and I had always loved the festive atmosphere that reigned in the house. This year wasn’t an exception, and laughters and good food filled our night. I was now sitting between Fred and George, telling Ginny funny stories about Hogwarts. I had taken off my jacket an hour ago and it was on the table in front of me, the corner of the photo Tonks had given me sticking out of the pocket. I always had it with me, it was the most precious thing I had.

We were all so caught in the peaceful ambience that none of us heard the first alarming noise. Molly was the only one to hear the second as she suddenly froze in the middle of the living-room, her eyes fixed on the outside. Our conversations stopped and we all looked at Molly.

“Mum, what’s happening?” asked Ron while he approached the window.

“Nothing.” She mumbled. “I thought I heard -”

All of sudden, Ron jumped backward to move away from the window, his skin strangely pale. Only a second later, we understood why.

I had never heard a laughter as psychotic as this one. It was high pitched, and the insanity it revealed was simply terrifying. We were all shocked, as hypnotised by the woman outside. We only reacted when two more people apparated in the garden. Without saying anything, I saw Arthur and Remus jumping on their feet and rushing outside, followed by everyone else, me included. The freezing air hit me and the tears suddenly brought in my eyes prevented me from seeing the three Death Eaters. I quickly blinked them away only to see Harry rushing behind Bellatrix Lestrange - she had killed Sirius. The shadow in me, the one I was always trying to hide, took over me and I jumped after Harry. However, someone behind me had anticipated my actions as they firmly wrapped their arms around my waist. I screamed, trying to get rid of George and hitting his face in the process, and my anger increased when Remus followed Harry.

“Let me go! GEORGE LET ME GO!”

But he didn’t. Instead, he pulled me against him and murmured in my ear Remus and Harry would be okay.

“No you don’t understand, I need to -”

Suddenly, a wave of almost unbearable heat hit us all. The Burrow was burning. A sob died in Molly’s throat as she witnessed her home disappearing in front of her. My heart stung when I thought of all the memories everyone had here, Molly’s kitchen, Fred and George’s prototypes. I felt like another person was in my body when I thought that my jacket was still in there -

My jacket. With the photo inside. Maybe I was totally crazy, maybe the shadow I feared was real, in fact I didn’t know why I did this, but I suddenly escaped George’s embrace and ran in the burning house. I immediately felt the pain in my lungs as my mouth and my throat were dried with the heat. The smoke made my eyes sting with hot tears. A part of the kitchen ceiling was slowly consuming itself. I desperately reached for my jacket and as soon as it was clenched in my hands, I threw myself on the floor, hoping I could breath. The air was more breathable down there, and my sight stopped being blurred because of the tears.

I could vaguely hear people calling for me, but the cracklings of the fire were way too loud for me to hear correctly or simply answer, as I didn’t trust my voice on this very moment. Instead, I closed my eyes, I curled up in a tight ball, and listened the sounds around me, remembering the nights spent with Sirius near the chimney. I fell asleep.

After this day, Remus became more reluctant than ever when it came to letting me alone, even for five minutes. At first, he had been quite angry, every occasion being perfect for remembering me how reckless I had been and how he had thought he could trust me. I was too proud to tell him why I had done this, and to tell George and Fred too, but one day, Remus had thrown in my face Sirius would have been disappointed and I had lost it.

I had literally exploded, my loud voice echoing in all the house as I tried to tell him how important this simple photo was. At some point, my angry monologue had given way to a sob festival, the only coherent sentence I had been able to form being “I know you’re disappointed too but I love you both too much… I couldn’t let it disappear.” or something like that. From this day, Remus had stopped being angry and became more protective than he had ever been.

The twins had needed less time to forgive me, even though they just couldn’t understand why a photo seemed more important than my own life. They had been so afraid that the first thing George had told me when I had woken up at St-Mungo’s was that the next time I tried to disappear, he would tie me to a chair and keep me there for the rest of my life. Fred had added that I would never be alone anymore, them keeping an eye on me even when I would shower. Unfortunately for me, a nurse had arrived at this moment and I couldn’t hide my burning cheeks, no pun intended.

I had to admit this constant protectiveness was annoying, but it reached its peak a few months later when Remus received a letter from Dumbledore, asking him to come to Hogwarts as soon as possible, for he had to leave and wanted the school to be protected. Remus hurriedly grabbed his wand and turned toward me. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me right behind him, my wand firmly held in my hand.

“What are you doing?” he asked me suspiciously.

“Coming with you. What do you think I’m doing?” I replied. I wouldn’t miss this perfect occasion to go back to Hogwarts.

“You’re staying here. It’s too dangerous.” Remus had used his autoritary father’s voice.

“No way. Where are the I’m not letting you alone and You stay right next to me? I come with you.”

Remus was obviously torn between the urgency of the situation and the fact he wanted to convince me to stay here. But he knew how stubborn I could be and he sighed.

“You better stay safe, Y/N.”

The true happiness I had felt when I had seen the castle had disappeared for a long time as I was running near the Astronomy tower on Bill’s tail. Dumbledore wasn’t here, gone Merlin knew where, leaving three members of the Order, a few professors and a bunch of kids, me included, to protect the school against the Death Eaters. In the fire of the battle, I had been separated from Remus but Bill had made sure I was always next to him.

We had just passed the tower and were ready to turn on the next corridor when we both stopped. A Death Eater was waiting right in front of us, an evil grin revealing sharp fangs. Fenrir Greyback, the werewolf.

“Be careful Y/N, he’s dangerous!” shouted Bill.

An instant later, Greyback was literally jumping on us. Bill quickly dodged him while I threw myself on the floor. I immediately stood up only to see him savagely hitting Bill. The impact made the latter dropping his wand, and as I felt the danger arriving and lifted my wand, Greyback attacked. I was too late. Bill’s face was covered in a sea of blood and he fell unconscious. I screamed his name, barely aware that it wouldn’t help. Ensued a few attacks I barely countered, only managing to cast protective spells around Bill and I. He still didn’t move, and I was sure he was dead. This thought was what distracted me for a second, just a second, but it was a second too much. George’s face when he would see his brother dead because of me was the last thing I imagined before feeling my skin being torn apart.

I woke up in a room I had never seen before. This impression of being lost was familiar, and I turned my head, expecting to see Remus asleep on a chair next to the bed, probably waiting for me to wake up before scolding me, but he was nowhere to be seen. I put my head back on the pillow before it hit me. He’s dead. They are dead. Even with my eyelids closed, I still could see Bill lying lifeless on the floor, a pool of blood slowly growing around him. And Remus… If he wasn’t there, it had to mean that…

Suddenly, I heard a laughter coming from where I thought was downstairs. The confusion soon became relief as I thought If people are laughing, then everyone is okay. Remus is still alive, along with Bill, and I can see everyone. It’s okay. A true happiness invaded me as I quickly stood up. I wiggled my toes against the soft carpet when the feeling that something was not right hit me. I wasn’t in any kind of pain, yet I perfectly remembered feeling Greyback’s claws in my flesh, I remembered the sensation that my body was being torn apart. I hesitantly lifted my shirt - had I really put on this one the previous morning? - and saw my skin as good as new. No injury, nothing. The feeling of discomfort became more persistent and I heard new laughters. I decided to head downstairs.

The room I was in was at the end of a corridor. The walls were naked, painted in a soft beige tone. The same white carpet gave it a cosy aspect. I made my way toward the wooden stairs, passing in front of a plant and a teddy bear thrown on the floor. Once downstairs, I caught a glimpse of the sun high in the blue sky behind a big window. Other toys were strewing the floor. I followed the sound of a man’s voice I didn’t recognized and entered in a little living-room.

It’s impossible.

I was seeing him from the side and he was younger, but it was him. I had seen enough photos to recognize his curly hair and mischievous smile. Sirius was in front of me.

He turned his head, maybe because he had felt my presence, and his smile froze. His face dropped and he slowly got up, still looking at me.

“Y/N…”

His voice was still the same, hoarse and reassuring. Hearing it convinced me it was real enough for me and I ran straight in his arms. I hid my face in his neck and tightened him as much as I could, afraid to let him go and lose him once more.

“Sirius… Sirius you’re here…”

I was unable to say something else but it didn’t really matter. Maybe it was a dream, I mean it was obviously a dream, it was impossible, but it felt so good to see him. After a while, Sirius gently pushed me and looked at me.

“Y/N, what are you doing here?”

I had never seen such a sadness in his eyes, except maybe that night when he had read Lily’s letter.

“Glad to see you too.” I mumbled.

His hand reached my hair and he ruffled it, remembering me of Remus’ habit. He smiled, but it was a bitter smile, and I had the impression he wanted me to understand something because he couldn’t tell me.

“Of course I’m glad to see you Y/N. I’ve missed you so much… So much.” He repeated while grabbing my hands. “But you shouldn’t be here. You can’t be here. It would mean that you’re -”

“Dead.” I interrupted him with a blank voice.

I was dead. Greyback had killed me. Now, Remus was alone. Well, he had Tonks, she really liked him and he really liked her, but still. Then I thought about George, about Fred, about Molly and I felt like crying. However, nothing came. No tears, nothing.

“Crying here is impossible.” murmured Sirius. “We’ve suffered enough in our lives, don’t you think?”

“But it hurts…” I whispered.

“I know.”

And he engulfed me in another hug. I breathed his scent, trying my best not to succumb to the panic I felt invading me. Sirius’ hand was gently stroking my back and we stayed like this for a while before the presence of two other persons hit me. I lifted my head just enough for me to see above Sirius’ shoulder.

“You… You look like Harry.”

The man smiled. He was young, maybe four or five years older than me, but I understood why everyone said to Harry he looked like his father. James Potter seemed to be the man I had always imagined, the cool guy of the school, the Quidditch star, always up for some pranks in the school.

“I know,” he replied. “Harry’s lucky, he took the good genes if you want my opinion.”

Lily Potter hit playfully his shoulder as Sirius chuckled. She was a beautiful woman, her fiery hair bringing out her eyes. She was as pretty as everyone said.

“Sirius has talked about you a lot.” she said. “Said you’ve helped him whereas everyone thought he was a criminal. You’re brave, Y/N.”

I didn’t know what to say and choose to smile. The situation was just so surreal… I was talking with Lily and James Potter, next to Sirius who was dead a year ago, and I was dead too.

“I think you’d like to sit.” offered kindly James.

I nodded and sat next to Sirius on the comfortable couch, removing a fluffy pillow to make myself some room.

“Where are we?”

My eyes were wandering around the living-room. It was almost as comfy as the Burrow’s. Thinking about this house I would never see again was particularly painful and I pushed the thought aside when Lily spoke up.

“You’re in our house. I guess you’re here because of Sirius.” Seeing my interrogative look, she continued. “When we died, James and I woke up here, probably because it was the happiest days of our lives…” Her voice was nostalgic, but she smiled.

“I came here because the best period of my life was when James and Lily were still here.” said Sirius. “And you came here because I did.”

A silence took place as the three old friends were looking at me. Maybe they were expecting anger, or panic, or amazement, but all I could think about was how unfair all of this was. I didn’t want to die, Sirius, James and Lily shouldn’t have died, I shouldn’t be with them whereas Harry was so desperate to have his family around him.

“Your son is a hero.”

I saw James flexing his muscles and Lily flipping her hair above her shoulder, both exaggerating in their reactions, but I could tell they were really proud.

“Yeah, and involved in Dumbledore’s personal stuff, this kid is really awesome.” said James.

“How do you know this?” I asked curiously.

All of sudden, the atmosphere was no longer relaxed but tense as ever. James’ face dropped, Lily glared at him and Sirius was fixing his knees.

“No way…” he mumbled. “You can’t… No. No way.”

“No way what?” I eyed him suspiciously. “What are you hiding from me?”

“You’re still stubborn as hell, aren’t you?” Sirius was annoyed but, from the look in his eyes, I knew I had won. “Listen, I’ll tell you but there’s no way you’ll do it. Got it?” I nodded. Sirius sent a harsh look to James before sighing. “You can go back and see your loved ones but -”

“I want to go.” I had jumped on my feet and grabbed Sirius’ hand to force him standing up. “Bring me to Hogwarts. I want to see Remus and George and -”

“I said no. You won’t go see them, not right now anyway.” Sirius’ voice was firm but he looked sad.

“Why?” My voice was high-pitched as I was getting angry. “I want to see Remus! I need to tell him -”

“That’s the point! You can’t talk to them. In fact, they won’t even see you and trust me, it’s more painful than not seeing them at all.”

“You came…” I murmured. “You came to see Remus and I…”

“As soon as I woke up here. I was here when Remus told you. Molly’s kitchen hadn’t done anything to you, you know.” He added with a sad chuckle.

I stayed silent. I wanted to see Remus, to see the twins, to see Molly and Arthur but… Would I be able to just see them? To witness their pain as they wouldn’t know I’m next to them? How would it feel if I saw Remus losing it, like when he had told me Sirius was gone?

“I want to go.” I said.

Sirius sighed and extended an hand.

“Then follow me.”

Just a split second later I found myself in front of the infirmary door. It was open and, from what I could see, only one bed was occupied. I rushed toward it only to see the damages on Bill’s face. He was totally unrecognizable, as if he was wearing grotesque Halloween mask like the muggles like. The blood had been cleaned, and each wound was perfectly visible. Madam Pomfrey was busy next to the bed, manipulating deftly three vials. She was mumbling to herself while pouring the potions in a big recipe, sometimes waving her wand and pronouncing a complex formula.

“He’s okay.” said Sirius.

I jumped, having completely forgotten his presence. I was more than relieved to know that Bill was alive, that he would be okay, even if a small voice in my head whispered it wouldn’t be completely true. He had been hurt by a werewolf, and he was the one who survived the battle. He would probably feel awfully guilty, and maybe even feel like a monster if he became a werewolf.

Hurried steps echoed in the infirmary and I turned my eyes from Bill the very same moment Remus entered the room. Madam Pomfrey’s reaction was immediate. She almost dropped her vials, mumbling she never thought she would have to do this one day, and made her way to Remus. The latter was looking frantically in the room, and I knew he was looking for me.

“Remus, I’m sorry.” said the nurse.

If Sirius hadn’t grabbed my shoulder, I would have run to Remus. His face had dropped and his eyes were fixing blankly the hidden bed Madam Pomfrey had spotted. I looked powerlessly as Remus took hesitant steps, fearing whatever he would see. None of us was aware that the infirmary was slowly filling with friends of mine and members of the Order. As soon as Remus passed in front of us, Sirius followed him behind the curtain hiding the bed where my body was lying. However, I felt strangely disconnected, like unable to process the situation. I wanted nothing more than to hug Remus, tell him I would be okay because I wasn’t alone, I wanted to describe him James and Lily’s house and I wanted him to know we would wait for him all together…

My name had never sounded like a cry of agony before, and it was the most heartbreaking thing I had ever heard. Slowly, the shocked gasps escaping Remus’ mouth became screams more and more loud and painful. I took the last steps separating me from him.

The first thing I saw was Remus’ back. He was leaned over my body - it was so strange to think this - gently stroking my cheek. Only my face was visible, the rest of my body being hidden by a thick blanket. My skin was white.

“I’m sorry… Y/N I’m so sorry…” Remus voice came shaky. His hand was cupping my cheek and he lightly kissed my forehead. “It’s all my fault… I’ve lost you because I was an idiot… First Sirius then you… I love you Y/N… I love you like you were my own daughter… I’m sorry…”

He started crying and grabbed my shoulders to pull me against him. The blanket slipped in the process, showing my wounds. If Remus hadn’t seen it, Sirius had certainly and he was looking at my stomach. The bleeding had stopped for a while, but my shirt was still soaked in blood. The wound was extended from just above my brim to my ribs. The five traces of the claws were so deep that on a dozen of centimeters, the flesh was visible. No wonder why I died on the spot, I thought bitterly.

I would have done anything in my power to be able to remove the blanket so that Remus wouldn’t see the wound, but I was obviously not powerful enough. When he put my body back in its initial position with an infinite delicacy, the blanket was still on my legs, and he saw everything.

The most heart-wrenching cry I had ever heard echoed in the silent infirmary, and knowing I was the cause of his pain, he who was one of the two men I would always love like my fathers, millions of tears would have rolled on my cheeks if I could have cried.

After what felt like hours, Sirius and I were still next to my body. None of us could stop looking at it, at this awful wound and at my blood. Someone had dragged Remus away, probably back at Bill’s bed to know if he would become a werewolf, but from what I could hear his voice was distant. I knew him, and I knew how he would deal with this: by making as if nothing had ever happened, as if he wasn’t suffering, and by throwing himself in the battle to come. Suddenly, I heard the noise of several persons arriving in the infirmary and my heart almost hurt when I recognized Molly’s terrified scream. I would have definitely broken down when I heard George asking where I was. An heavy silence took place during which someone probably showed the bed still hidden by the curtain and a few seconds later, George discovered my body, soon followed by Fred. I had always thought they were tough guys, and I would have thought losing me after all that had happened wouldn’t be as hard as the first time, but when I saw George falling on his knees, I understood I was wrong. Fred froze behind him, and their eyes were both fixed on my face. I was going to make my way toward them when I felt Sirius grabbing my wrist.

“I think it’s time to go.” he murmured.

I nodded weakly and threw one last glance to George. He had gotten up and was next to me, my hand firmly tightened in his own. For a second, I wished I could feel his warm touch, I wished I could hug him and Fred, but the hand I felt enveloping mine wasn’t George’s and in a blink of the eyes I was back at the Potter’s.

James and Lily weren’t in the living-room anymore. The laughters I had heard here were long gone, the atmosphere being now tense as I fixed a glass on the table.

“I shouldn’t have let you see this.” said Sirius. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to. I needed to see them… Even if it was more painful than I thought.”

Sirius nodded, probably having felt the same thing when he had died.

“You’re back?”

James had passed his head through the opening of a door and his face immediately softened.

“I’ll ask Lily to make some tea.”

The couple came back five minutes later, Lily holding a tray with four cups and some biscuits on it. I was shocked to realize I was no longer sad, even though Remus and the twins’ faces were still engraved in my mind. I remembered what Sirius had told me earlier: Crying here is impossible. We’ve suffered enough in our lives, don’t you think? As selfish as it sounded, I agreed with this. I wanted to live a peaceful life (if we could call whatever I was experiencing a life) and to feel only happiness. Lily interrupted my thought when she handed me a cup of tea and the plate with the biscuits. I took one of them, ate it and exclaimed:

“That’s delicious!”

She laughed at my surprised tone.

“Why do you seem so surprised?”

“I didn’t think the afterlife was like living in a pretty house and drinking tea with who we want.” I said.

“You know,” said Sirius, “even if sometimes it can get boring, being here is pretty cool. The only thing you miss is your family but one day, they’ll be with you.”

“Let’s hope it won’t be before many years…” I sighed.

Slowly but surely, I understood what Sirius meant when he said it could get boring. Our days were always the same, drinking tea, watching the TV, sometimes walking outside, but there were no such things as places to work or school. Idleness was probably the goal of whoever had created this place. Some days, I was so bored that I wanted nothing more than to clean the house and storing Harry’s old toys. However, I had never done so as Sirius had told me Harry’s absence was more easy to bear for James and Lily this way.

If it wasn’t for my several visits to the ones I loved, namely mainly Remus, George and Fred, I would totally lose the sense of time, and very probably my mind too. In a way, it was always as painful as it had been the first time. That was how I found out about what George had kept secret from me all these years.

It was a few weeks after Bill’s wedding - which I had been to, of course. At the time, George had seemed a bit off to me and I was worried. I wanted to stay more with him, helplessly hoping that he would eventually see me, but Sirius didn’t agree. He was afraid I would become totally crazy. That’s why I had came to the apartment he shared with his brother as soon as Sirius had allowed me and after paying a visit to Remus. I arrived while Fred was comforting George, obviously really upset.

“Listen mate, you need to tell me whatever you won’t let me know.” said Fred. “I’m worried for you Georgie, and Mum is too. Pretty much everyone is, in fact. Come on, what’s wrong?”

“You know perfectly what’s wrong.” mumbled George.

Fred stayed silent and looked at his brother. He had probably never seen him as sad and it was really worrying. I took a few steps, wanting to be sure I could hear what would come.

“You loved her.” whispered Fred.

George lifted his head, his watery eyes fixed on the ceiling. A single tear rolled down his cheek and he didn’t bother to wipe it away. He didn’t bother to answer either, Fred already knew he was right. And I was there, looking at George who had just admitted he loved me, unable to think correctly.

How many hours had I spent alone with him while Fred was gone for pranking someone with Lee? How many times one of us had fallen asleep with their head resting on the other’s lap? How many nights had I dreamt of what I had just heard? But it was too late. We weren’t brave enough to face our feelings, and now I was dead. George couldn’t see me and I couldn’t talk to him. We would be apart for dozens of years and there was nothing we could do about it. It was too late.

After that, several months defiled without me going back in the world of the livings. I didn’t really know if it was because of what I had heard about George or because of this weight in my stomach every time I had to look away from him, Fred, Remus or Molly. Maybe I wasn’t strong enough to face this. But I knew for a fact that Sirius went regularly down there to see Harry and Remus, and I still remembered the day he came back with the largest smile I had ever seen on his face.

“The last time you made this face was when we told you Lily was pregnant.” had said James with a small grin. I had admired his bond with Sirius since day one, and at the moment I could tell he was happy to see his friend like this.

“That’s the point, my dear Prongs.”

Lily had furrowed her eyebrows.

“Well, spill the beans Sirius.”

“Moony is gonna have a baby!” he had exclaimed.

Sirius hadn’t even let us time to react before he had begun explaining everything he had heard. I was genuinely happy for Remus, knowing that he would never be alone. However, I didn’t feel like going back to the living world. In fact, the only thing that changed my mind was when Sirius arrived one day way sooner than usual announcing us the new.

“The baby is arriving!”

In no time, Sirius, James, Lily and I were outside the room where Tonks was giving birth. It appeared that we had arrived when Teddy Lupin was almost here because roughly five minutes later, a baby cry echoed in the house. We followed the sound and found ourselves in front of the most emotional sight we could witness. Tonks was lying in her bed, obviously exhausted but amazed. Teddy was in Remus’ arms, and the father was looking at his son with an almost childish fascination.

“He’s so tiny…” he whispered.

Teddy was wrapped in a blanket as blue as his hair, and only his chubby little face was visible. Remus was holding him carefully yet tenderly against him. His eyes were filled with joyful tears and he was arbouring the most genuine smile I had ever seen on him.

“I’m so proud of him.”

I turned to see James grinning and looking at his friend. His arm was wrapped around Lily’s waist and his other hand was on Sirius’ shoulder.

“He’s gonna be okay.” added the latter. “Maybe we should let them some privacy.”

James and Lily nodded and disappeared a split second later.

“Go, I follow you.” I said.

As Sirius disappeared too, I made my way to Remus and put my hand on his shoulder. I saw him slightly tensing and I could have sworn he had felt my touch.

“You’ll be an incredible father to him, Remus.” I murmured. “You’ve always been.”

All these months, we had been aware of the war preparing against Voldemort and not being able to help was really frustrating. We had decided, all four of us, that we wouldn’t try to have informations about it as we couldn’t do anything to help our friends. We didn’t know that the fight was more imminent than ever. We didn’t know that soon we wouldn’t be four anymore.

It was the very beginning of May. As every friday, we had organized a movie night and James had been a true child, insisting he absolutely wanted to watch a movie with cars in it. After a quite ridiculous argument about it, I finally gave up my idea of horror movie. Lily came back a few minutes later with popcorn and we installed on the couch. We were a bit tight but I found a very comfortable position snuggled against Sirius with my head resting on his shoulder.

The TV was playing an awfully sexist scene where a half-naked girl was washing the car of the main character - what kind of movie is it? I wondered while eyeing James - when a noise echoed from upstairs. Immediately, James and Sirius jumped on their feets and Lily grabbed my hand. I knew we all had thought the same thing - the war made another victim. According to what I could hear, two persons were upstairs. However, I didn’t perceived any hesitations in their steps and I was slowly coming to the conclusion that at least one of them knew the house when they appeared in the door frame.

“Remus!”

My mouth had been more rapid than my brain and in no time I had jumped in his arms. I felt him hugging me tightly, and his chest began to rise with a more steady pace.

“Y/N… Y/N I thought I’d never see you again…”

Then he slowly pulled me to look at me and I met his eyes.

“I missed you so much Remus…”

I saw the exact moment Remus realized we weren’t alone and who was here. His eyes widened and his mouth fell open. He had compulsively tightened his grip around my arms and he was now looking frantically alternately Lily, James and Sirius. He seemed to be unable to say something or even to move, and I gently pushed him toward his friends. It seemed to be all he needed and he rushed toward them, engulfing all three of them in a desperately needed hug.

“I’m sorry for Teddy…”

I had turned toward Tonks who was looking at her husband with a bright smile.

“I am too,” she answered. “But I know he’s in good hands and, as much as I would have wanted to live with him, I’m glad we’ve helped offering him a better world to live in.” I nodded, showing her I understood. “Wait a minute!” she exclaimed. “You know about Teddy?”

Remus froze.

“How is it possible? How do you know about him?”

In a few words, Sirius explained how we could travel from this world to the livings’ one. He warned them too, telling them it was really hard to see your loved ones without them knowing it. However, just looking at Sirius indicated me he knew Remus wouldn’t care and would go back to his son as soon as possible. And he was right: five minutes later, Remus and Tonks had disappeared.

After their departure, a short silence took place before being broken by James saying he wondered how Tonks had reacted when she had learnt about Remus’ furry little problem. Sirius answered her hair had standed on end and the two friends began an hilarious competition based on the jokes about hairs. I was laughing so hard that I didn’t hear the noises from upstairs, and only Lily’s interrogative face warned me.

“Who are you?” she asked gently.

I turned around and my wide opened mouth matched Fred’s one. I instinctively began to look for George because Fred without George was just impossible but… He was alone. I was so shocked that I just couldn’t react and this time, it was Fred who didn’t give a second thought and wrapped me in a strong embrace. He didn’t say anything and I didn’t either. I felt his reluctance to let go of me and I pulled him just enough to see his face.

“He’ll be alone…” he murmured.

I didn’t say anything. No word could have eased his pain, nothing I could say would make it all better or fairer. Instead, I decided to offer him the best goodbye I could give him, and grabbed his hand. A split second later, he was kneeled next to George, who was crying on his twin’s body, Fred’s hand suspended in the air, as if he was afraid to disturb his family. When he decided he couldn’t bear it anymore, he finally found the courage to put his hand on George’s shoulder.

“Don’t cry,” he murmured, “and carry on. You have to carry on for me, Georgie.”

He got up, murmured I love you Mum in Molly’s ear, passed his hand in Ginny’s hair like he used to when they were younger and joined me.

“Ready to support me? Can’t wait to discover the kind of pranks the afterlife offers!”

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

“Move James, we’ll be late!”

“Wait a minute, I’m hungry!”

“Fuck Prongs, we’ll miss him! I don’t care, we’ll go without -”

“Calm down Moony, I’m here!”

The animation in the house was at its peak. It had been the only subject of conversation Remus had had the last few months, and he couldn’t help but show how proud he was. Tonks was running everywhere, trying to gather everyone for she wanted us all to be there. Lily was nowhere to be found, and Fred, Sirius and I were patiently waiting in the living-room.

“Remus is going to explode!” I exclaimed when he crossed the room fuming against his bloody idiotic and blind friend and threatening to shove his antlers where the sun didn’t shine if he didn’t speed up.

“I’d like to see him try!” laughed Sirius.

“Sirius, it’s Teddy! This is so important!”

“Yeah I know but… He should know nothing happens like it should when Prongs is involved.”

Eventually, after a few threats who even scared me but only made James laugh, all our little blended family appeared on Platform 9 ¾.

“Where is he?”

Tonks was tip toeing in an attempt to spot her son in the crowd. She was holding tight Remus’ hand and she seemed so excited it even was a bit painful to see. Suddenly her face lit up and she literally dragged Remus through the various groups of parents and students. Just behind them, James had his hand resting on Lily’s back as they walked quite happily too and I was following Sirius and Fred who were busy walking through every single person they could.

We finally joined them and I glanced at Remus who was looking at his son with the same childish fascination he had always had.

“He’s a big boy now…” Remus’ voice was melancholic as Teddy was waving goodbye at Harry and Ginny.

The boy eventually went in the Hogwarts Express, finding quickly an empty compartment. A hissing warned us the train would go and he waved more excitedly to Harry and Ginny, completely unaware of the fact that his parents were here too, waving and thanking the skies they could stay by his side, always.

Living wasn’t easy. I lost my friends, I lost Sirius, I lost my life. I suffered, I cried, I hated and I loved more than I could have imagined.

But when, many years later, another ginger boy woke up at the Potter’s, when he found his twin running after me, when he hugged us, when he kissed me, I knew.

I knew that, despite the darkness, I had found happiness.

Tags: @summer-writes @coffee-wihtout-caffeine

#Harry Potter #harry potter imagines #harry potter imagine #angst #my writing #george weasley #george x reader #george weasley x reader #george weasley x y/n #george weasley x you #fred weasley #Remus Lupin #sirius black

90 notes · View notes

ask-marine-mitsu · 3 years

Note

What would be Mitsus real world ethnic

Now that's an interesting one... I've actually been considering this because of another little project I was working on with Mitsu, and I think I'd have to say I'm UNSURE what her exact ethnicity would be.

Specifics are under the cut but the TLDR is: Mitsu would definitely be from Japan and most likely a member of an indigenous people called the Ainu. But I have not settled on the second part yet as I am still learning about the Ainu and want to approach their representation respectfully in any writing I may do.

I greatly encourage anyone who is interested in learning more about the Ainu to research them independently as I am by no means an expert. At the very bottom under the cut I’ve listed a few resources I’ve used myself, just to get started. As always- be careful of your sources, and think about things critically folks. (Also if you plan on sending any follow up asks, please read everything under the cut before doing so.)

Mitsu’s home country as far as I'm concerned is Japanese, and her name is also meant to be Japanese. It always has been. I've actually gone all out and researched a lot of Japanese naming conventions and Kanji. It’s actually resulted in a slight change to her name, before she was Mitsu Murata, now she is Mitsu Muratan. But because I don't wanna get bogged down kanji and confusion here, gonna keep any more specifics to myself for now. Now I tend to do a lot of research for my characters when translating them to real world ethnicities, jobs, schooling, and lifestyles. Especially with a character like Mitsu who has gone through so much, and whose culture and history is meant to be a major part of her character arc. Taking this part of her character into account, what was done to her family/clan in the past, and how she was made to assimilate in the Marines all led me to research cultures and religions more deeply. I am not gonna half ass anything about my characters, and I want to try and avoid being disrespectful to any cultural groups as much as possible. Even if members of said groups never come across my work. This is how I started learning about the Ainu People of Hokkaido. The Ainu population of Japan is incredibly small, and they are indigenous to Hokkaido, and have a very long history. Their language is classified as being nearly extinct, having been banned in the 19th century, though since at least the 1990′s people have been actively trying to revitalize it. For much of their history the Ainu were forced to give up their cultural practices, and in fact many still do because of discrimination that they face.

And this isn’t a thing of the past, they were only really recognized as an indigenous people in 2008.

This is all very real and very recent.

BUT

Although Mitsu’s experiences may align with some of Ainu history and oppression, this is by no means a one to one comparison. And it is not meant to be. I am simply trying to find a people and a place for Mitsu, that aligns well with what I have pre-established in One Piece, and I believe the Ainu culture and people fit closest.

However this is all something I am still researching, and something I do want to be respectful about for a lot of reasons. This is incredibly real history, with very real people, who deserve to be represented with respect. And I am very much not Japanese, and certainly not Ainu, I am coming at this from a western perspective and trying to understand a lot of new things. While I don't think you have to be part of a marginalized group to write characters who are part of that group, I do believe it is highly disrespectful to do so without first researching everything thoroughly.

Bellow I’m going to link some of the resources I used when starting my research, for those who want to learn more about the Ainu and their history. Please remember to be respectful and kind to all people.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ainu_people http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7437244.stm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3FM5gn5ITk

(Wikipedia is always a good jumping off point, make sure to check their citations for more info- tip from a former struggling college student)

#Mini Mitsu #Ask Marine Mitsu #Muse Facts #Japanese History #I think?#Ainu #Long Post #OOC

4 notes · View notes

greenwaterskeeter · 4 years

Text

College Advice

My brother was like, hey if you have any tips… So i wrote this! And then thought, there’s lots of people on tumblr just now going to college too…

Theres nothing in here about covid or making sure you have enough money– because i dont know anything about being a student during covid and i wouldnt give the same advice for getting money to everyone (and i wouldnt always know how anyway). I assume in the advice that the reader has enough money, because my brother does. That makes a big difference! Someone struggling for money wont have the bandwidth or time, probably, to do a lot of the stuff i advise. Edit: ugh i forgot, this is about US schools, specifically liberal arts US schools. Sorry about that!

Also, I didnt feel right taking the affection out of it once i decided to share it publicly. Help yourself! I may not have as direct an interest in your life, but there’s nothing in there i wouldnt wish for anyone going to college right now. (there’s also quite a bit that I think applies to anyone regardless of whether they do college or not).

Hi ******!

College Advice:

Work: No matter how important your work is or how much you have, take at least one day off a week. No schoolwork or working for money or any kind of work at all that day! (if it works better for you to take a half-day here and there instead of the whole day, that will do). More than one day is preferable, but there may come times when you have So Much To DO that sacrificing your free time doesn’t seem so bad and even one day off feels like too much.

I’m sure you’ve had plenty of this already, but people will keep telling you (by things they say and don’t say) that what you accomplish is the most important thing. It is not. What is most important is up to you– but I think it’s being your own authentic self. That’s complicated of course, but it boils down to: you already have everything you need in yourself, and keeping in touch with what you really truly want and love comes before everything.

If you flunk out of school and all your nightmares come true and you still remember who you are, I will consider you to have succeeded. (but if you do forget– and so many things conspire to make you forget!– I will still be proud of you).

GPA: It’s not the same as it was in high school! I won’t get into specific numbers because different schools have different ways of calculating it, and different rates of gpa inflation etc. It’s mostly bullshit. Unfortunately, if you want to go to graduate school, it is bullshit you have to pay attention to, but even then it’s not as all-important as it was in high school. You don’t need a 4.0, not even to become a doctor or a lawyer. A 3.5 or 3.6 is plenty for the highest ambitions, especially given that you’ll be doing extracurriculars.

I would advise keeping half an eye on the numbers, and not straining yourself for even one additional 0.1 above your target, whatever you decide that is. If you decide not to do graduate school, you honestly could get any GPA as long as you don’t end up on academic probation (which i think goes on your permanent record? Or maybe not. I was on academic probation my last semester of senior year and i’m still not clear on whether it’s on the transcript somehow). After college, people only care that you have your bachelor’s, not what your grades were while you got it. They mostly won’t even care what the bachelor’s is in! It’s very strange, after all the work you’ve put in! (many of them only care that you had the money to go to school, very disappointing)

Extracurriculars: I did a lot of different ones, and still don’t feel entirely qualified to advise about them, because I hated most of them. My mistake was doing things I thought I should do instead of what I wanted to do. I think you should do what you want, even if there’s no existing group for the thing you want to do, for a few reasons. 1. You should enjoy yourself! Having fun is a very serious matter! Keeping the joy of living alive in your heart will make living feel worthwhile, of course, but it will also give you courage and the power to stick by your principles and keep pursuing your goals. 2. It doesn’t actually matter to graduate schools WHAT you did for extracurriculars; what they’re looking for is evidence for what kind of person you are, and they judge that that’s shown through HOW you do your extracurriculars (with commitment and integrity etc) rather than which ones you do. (even so, don’t let the “commitment” part keep you stuck in a soul-sucking activity!)

Choices: You’ll be told you’re supposed to choose your major on a certain timeline, do this and that and everything to very specific deadlines, all very proper. Of course, the more deadlines you meet, the easier things are. But on the other hand– human beings are not machines. You’re allowed to change your mind! Even after you were supposed to be sure! It’s much better to listen to your own misgivings and really look at them to figure out what you want as soon as you know they’re there rather than pushing them down in a panic because you’re not supposed to have them. If they’re ignored, they won’t go away, and they’ll eat at you, and one day they’ll ruin things. (this may be what midlife crises are made of).

Friends: I know you have an established way of having friends, very different from mine, and that’s a good thing! I also know a lot of people take going to college as an opportunity to finally allow themselves certain things. There’s all kinds of takes on this, from putting on a poorly-done accent to binge drinking to coming out. It’s much better to stretch your legs this way than otherwise, I think. We need all the autonomy we can get!

My advice here is: trust yourself. Listen to even your very quiet instincts. They’re there for a reason. You may elect to ignore them, but consider them first, and reject them afterwards if you must. The extreme end of this is Having A Bad Feeling. Listening to that has saved me from some sticky situations! A more mild form is the weird feeling of dissonance between you and an old friend. There are many reasons you may feel that, but unfortunately, in college, one of the most common reasons is that you’re becoming different people who aren’t so suited to being friends as your high school selves were. It’s painful! At the same time, it’s okay to love someone and not be together forever– but I suspect you already know that!

The one thing I would absolutely forbid is isolating yourself. It may seem impossible from where you are now, but that’s what I thought at the beginning too. College is a weird place, not exactly school and not exactly work and not exactly home, and it’s too easy to slip into anonymity. Tell your friends how you feel, good or bad! If you feel like you’re imposing on them, impose!! If they love you, they will prefer inconvenience over learning later that you were in pain and said nothing.

How to Learn: It’s true what they say, that teaching is the best way to learn. Your peers may not always welcome this– I was rather disliked in study groups for always explaining the answer, before I reined it in a bit (things were still awkward unfortunately! possibly for other reasons lol). Of course, other people’s jealousy isn’t your responsibility, and you may sow discord with your brilliance with my full blessing. If you’d rather not do that, my advice would be to become a tutor and/or TA in the subject(s) most important to you at your earliest convenience/whenever they allow you to. It really does make you an expert!

Humanities: They’re going to make you read a lot. Excessively, some might say! You’ll learn which readings are actually necessary to pore over, which ones you may skim, and which ones you may skip altogether. Please don’t feel guilty for not always doing all the reading! Almost no one does all of them. I didn’t even do all of them, and I was a stickler for Doing It Right.

Papers: my tricks are the Purdue OWL website (for brushing up on grammar, looking up how to do those goddamn finicky citation styles, seeing examples of finished papers in those styles), outlining, and rest time. Leaving time between drafts of a paper helps a lot! (that being said, I will be very surprised if you make it all the way through college without turning in at least a few first drafts. It’s not the end of the world, and if you’ve got a knack for it, the professors may not even know the difference! Very amusing). Reading through what you’ve written out loud also helps, however silly it may feel. It has to do with how your brain processes information, and hearing what you’ve written is different enough from seeing it that you’ll be more sensitive to errors and weirdnesses.

STEM subjects: For these ones, it’s more important to do all the homework, because they may only give you one problem per concept. Be very literal about how you interpret things, that’s how folks in STEM usually expect you to think. Office hours are gold, if you can get them (and if the professor isn’t an ass). TAs are hit or miss. Readings are usually super important, relatively short, and can be read multiple times for more benefit.

General knowledge: Don’t forget to think critically! You’d think that’s all you’ll be doing, but in fact most professors only want you to regurgitate their own thoughts back to them. Very disappointing. However, that doesn’t have to stop you! You can always think: “Who benefits from this? What voices aren’t I hearing from in this story?” (even in STEM there are stories). “Why is this important?” In general, don’t stop asking questions! This is where I think true intelligence lies.

I’m sure you don’t need ALL of this advice– please don’t think I don’t think you know what you’re doing! I’m being a little over-cautious not because I don’t trust you but because if there’s any chance of my mistakes and accidental successes helping you do better than otherwise, I want to give all of them that opportunity. Kind of a shotgun approach!

All my love,

Autumn!

#by auti #college advice #adulting #i guess? yeah i think this is that #and i'm mostly teasing abt wanting my brother to make ppl jealous #the joke is that he would NEVER #but i realize now it doesnt translate well to a general audience lol

4 notes · View notes

banditthewriter · 5 years

Text

Whatever It Takes - 4 - Billy Russo

Part four! I hope you guys like it. We’re building up to something and I can’t wait to see what you all think!

Tags are at the bottom. Let me know if you would like to be added to one of my tag lists!

Enjoy!

*****

The music in the bar was something that you vaguely recognized, but it didn’t keep your attention for long. At the other end of the bar was a harried looking Karen Page. She shoved past a group of loud, rude college kids and made her way over to you.

“Were we that annoying as college kids?”

You laughed as you held out a beer to her.

“Speak for yourself. I was a model student that never left her dorm room.”

Karen laughed as she finally dropped into a stool next to you. She put her purse down on the table and gave you a grin. And that grin made you immediately go onto the defensive.

“So I heard a funny story this afternoon,” she said as she pretended to look at the label on her beer before she took a drink from it. “I heard that you and Billy are pretending to date for some ridiculous reason?”

You let out a long sigh. “It’s not a ridiculous reason, okay? Both of our jobs could benefit from us having a significant other and we figured we might as well give it a shot.”

She laughed again with a shake of her head. She reached up and released the clasp on her hair before she tossed it into her purse.

“But Billy? Russo. Billy Russo. William Ru–”

“I get it Karen,” you interjected with a laugh, shoving her arm before you grabbed your drink once more. “I get it, but we’re friends. And it’s already working. Him coming with me to that group home opening made the head of the charity I’m on ask me out for a drink. She’s never done that before.”

You’d accepted but hadn’t set a time yet. You were pretty sure she just meant the two of you, but she might want Billy as well and you weren’t as sure of his availability.

She looked curious for a moment before she shrugged and took a swig from her bottle.

“At least we don’t have to worry about you guys getting hurt.”

It almost sounded like she was being sarcastic but you nodded as if it was the most serious thing you’d ever heard.

“Exactly. We’re friends and we both know what this is. It’s nothing to worry about.”

Her narrowed eyes made you a little uncertain but you moved on. Instead of dwelling on that, because as much as you adored Karen you really didn’t want her dissecting your emotions right then, you changed the subject to her job. Her eyes lit up like the always did and she went into a story she was working on that she was pretty sure centered around corruption in the CIA.

A commotion drew your eyes to the bar entrance. Frank and Billy walked in and looked around until one of them found you. Frank saw you first and nudged Billy until both of them headed towards the two of you.

Billy was in a suit, his usual work clothes, but Frank was wearing a collared shirt that had Anvil on the chest.

“I didn’t know Frank was working at Anvil,” you said to Karen who turned to follow your gaze.

She smiled as she waved at them.

“Part time,” she said with a smile as she turned to face you. “Don’t say anything but I think he’s getting ready to propose? He’s been dropping hints and he said he’s picking up the hours to prepare for the future.”

You bit your lip to keep from squealing. Those two loved each other like no one else you’d ever seen so them getting married would be perfect.

The guys got to the table around that point so you simply turned to smile at them. Frank leaned over to give Karen a hug and a quick kiss. Then he leaned in to give you a quick hug.

“Hey Y/N, how’s things been?”

You raised your beer and pointed at the empty one already in front of you.

“Been one of those weeks,” you joked. “What about you? Working at Anvil now?”

“He helps keep the troublemakers in line,” Billy joked from beside you as he settled onto an open stool. “But honestly, he’s one of my best trainers and he’s only been there a few months. Should’ve hired you a while back.”

Frank laughed and looked away, a tiny blush on his cheeks.

“Yeah, just trying not to show you up. Don’t want your recruits to realize you learned everything you know from me.”

The two of them went into a bit of a pissing match at that point, each of them trying to one up the other. You and Karen sat back and watched with matching fond smiles on your faces.

Something bumped against your knee and you shifted a bit to give Billy more room. He blinked in surprise and looked down at where his hand had been half on your knee before he apologized.

“No worries,” you promised as you waved down the bartender for more drinks.

Once that was done, Frank leaned his forearms onto the table. His gaze was solely on you and you had a feeling you were about to get the inquisition again.

“You’re dating him now, right? Can you teach him some manners? And how to respect his betters?”

You snorted into your hand. Billy shook his head as he cussed Frank out, leaning over a bit to brace his arm on the table next to you. He ducked his head in until his mouth was near your ear.

“C’mon, you don’t think Frank’s better than me, do you?”

Hopefully no one at the table noticed your reaction to that. Instead you rolled your eyes and pretended to ignore Billy.

“Fake dating,” you corrected with one finger in the air. “And I’m just a fake girlfriend, not a miracle worker.”

Frank let out a low whistle while Karen laughed. Billy nodded a few times, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“Low blow Y/L/N, low blow. I’ll remember that the next time we’re around your coworkers and friends, huh?”

You laughed and leaned into his arm a bit.

“You know you’re my favorite,” you joked as you looked up at him.

His eyes narrowed a bit before he smiled and leaned in a little closer to you.

“Back at ya.”

Both of you pulled apart when the bartender got there with your drinks. You felt something nudge your ankle and you looked over to see Frank frowning at Billy. Realizing that he was probably aiming for Billy, you shifted your legs a bit and turned your focus on Karen who was talking about something she’d read online the night before.

You weren’t sure why Frank was giving Billy a reproachful look but you were pretty sure it had something to do with you.

------

You stumbled a bit at your stairs but the hands on your waist kept you from falling over.

“I swear I’m not a lightweight usually,” you said with a bit of a slur as Billy helped you up the rest of the stairs to your front door. “You’ve seen me drink. I can usually drink you Marines under the table.”

It would have been better if you hadn’t hiccuped halfway through that.

“I’ve seen you drink and you usually are better at holding your liquor than this. You eat anything today?”

Your eyebrows furrowed as you tried to remember the last time you ate. And that probably wasn’t a good sign that you honestly couldn’t remember.

“I ate a granola bar at my desk this morning,” you said as you held up a finger, “and another granola bar around lunch.” You held up a second finger.

“Two granola bars eight hours ago and six beers. And we wondered why you’re shitfaced.” He grabbed your keys to open your front door and started to pull you in. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

You giggled as he half carried you through your living room.

“You don’t wanna get me in bed,” you said as you poked his nose. “I’m not your type.”

He froze a bit before he shook his head and continued to guide you. At the stairs he looked up them and then at you before he bent down. You weren’t sure what was happening and then your world was tilted a bit.

Why were you staring at an upside down ass? Except it was a really nice ass.

“You have a nice ass,” you said as you rested your head against his back as he carried you up the stairs.

“You do too,” he said with a laugh at the top of the stairs.

He put you back down on your feet and you swayed a bit as you tried to get your bearings. Then you glanced over the railing and realized he just carried you up the stairs. Over his shoulder.

“How’d you do that?”

He turned you around and marched you into your bedroom. He led you to your bed and pulled back the covers for you to fall into bed. He pulled off your shoes and put the next to the door. Then he came back and pulled the covers over your body.

“‘M not wearin’ pajamas,” you mumbled into your pillow as you snuggled in more.

“Gotta draw the line somewhere,” he said with a laugh. You felt something against your forehead, your hair being brushed back, and then his voice was there again. “Get some sleep. I’ll call you in the morning.”

You mumbled something back as you drifted off to sleep.

Let me know if you want to be added to my Permanent Tag List @hermioneshandbag @onebatch--twobatch @smiley-celine @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @starless-skyox @youveseen--thebutcher @citation-is-here @mightymelly @realduckvader @1550kilogramsofsilver @hxbbit @rockintensse @missphanosaur18 @thepuffyeyedpuff @the-three-eyed-ravenclaw @yessy2012 @gingerstarlight @siriusement @marauderskeeper @xinyourdreamsx @wickidlady @sassygirl25 @maraudereestauderelb @rainyboul @cutie-bug @random-quartz @holamor @lea----b @heyitslexy @detectivebourbon @coffeenmoscato @presstocontinue @elisemockingbird @assbuttwithwings @geeksareunique @siriuslovesmarlene @witch-of-letters @delicatelilyflower @l-l-c-m-w-b @whovianayesha @hiddenprincess @yannii04 @jeanettexkillian @brighteststarinthesky @kilyra @gallxntdean @sweetvengeancee @lady1505 @thedarklightwithinus @ateliefloresdaprimavera @siriuslyimmoony @elodieyung @fudgeflyss @madamrogers @thatwrestlingfan91 @teranya @sophiabulbu69 @delusionsofnostalgia @effielumiere @mamaraptor @hot-and-spiceyyy @i-padfootblack-things @aya-fay @fcavalerro @sithskywalkers @raquelbc2003 @iwishyoucouldbekissed @lostinthoughts23 @tamanamohain @newtstarmander @suchatinyinfinity @blushingskywalker @queencocoakimmie @funerals-with-cake @love-dria @arrowswithwifi @swiftyhowlz @cheyfleur @dark-night-sky-99 @margot-black @celestegolden @king4thesirens @beautifuldesastre @ashkuuuu @luminex3 @nerdypinupcrystal @iblogabout-stuff @curlyhairedblueeyedangel @myplaceofheavenorhell @cafeconsoya @nea90sweetie @traeumerinwitzhelden @kryyta @russosprettydiamondnow @dorkybryan @mahalobro @yesixoxo

Let me know if you want to be added to my Billy Russo Tag List @something-tofightfor @piink-magnolias @hoodedhavok @aylinnmaslow @musingsofbanana @bluebird214 @rileyblues @nerrdstark @that-bwitch @ethereal-heavcns @queenisabella789 @colddecember-night @j-finco @arthoeaesthetixbs @tomhiddlestonsbeard @mischiefs-never-managed @romanceyour-ego @evyiione @drinix @sweetheart-im-the-boss @thebabblingbook @katieswinforddiaries @benbarnesfanforever @releasethekracko @itsjustmylifeconfessions @nostalgic-uncertainty @aveatquevale- @clarasworldofwonders @ladyblablabla @thehanneloner @hellostarposts @girlwhoisfearless @maria-beretta @friendlyneighbourhoodweirdo @marcelskittel @fictionwillneverdie @avipshamitra @hysteriadarling @living-on-rice @hello-la-v-en-rose @tiredofthisgeneration @marveliskindacool @giggleberts @stateofloveandvedder @encounterthepast @ironstank @spettrocoli @xserenax-13 @sleepwalkingelite @dreamingofonceuponatime @supernaturalcat7 @rosebunnie @damagelove @petersunderoos96 @dylanobrusso @littlemermaidprobz @agent-scully-182 @editboutique @audreychaz @songforhema @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @ania2603 @screwmesiriusblack @figlia--della--luna @balladblood @cloudywithachanceofcupcakes-blog @jessicahh @flightoftheflightrisk @slamharder @roschele | @rhabakoli @lexxierave @shadowhunterscloset @stories-you-wont-hear @benbarnesfrustration @weasleyisourjedi

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo imagine #billy russo fanfic #my writing #whatever it takes

207 notes · View notes

mancavecloset · 5 years

Text

The Waterpark - pt. 1

It was a cloudless, mid-August day in the northeast United States. The year was 2012. I had two straight days off from work, which was rare for me, as I’d been juggling three jobs all summer to build up some savings for my first year of college. And for once, all three of my best friends from high school - Sam, Josh, and Kyle - were in town. I was eager to reunite with them and have one last hurrah before we all headed our separate ways for college.

A few weeks back when we’d realized we would all be free for the same 2-day span, we decided to go on a small road trip together. We settled on a mountainside waterpark ‘resort’ a few hours north from where we lived. Though, ‘resort’ was probably a bit too generous a term. I’d been up there for a day trip with my family a few years back, and while the waterpark was neatly built-out alongside the slope of a mountain, with tons of cool rides, pools, and places to eat, the “resort” part pretty much began and ended with a fairly ritzy lodge-style hotel (the place doubled as a ski resort in the winter). On the far south end of the forested property, some campsites and small, rentable cabins dotted the area, with a small rec hall, café, and communal bathhouse in the center.

We decided against splurging on a room in the hotel, since for one, we all were trying to save money for the fall semester. More importantly, we planned to get shit-faced drunk that night, and didn’t want to deal with noise complaints from wealthy hotel guests. Nobody was trying to get an underage drinking citation right before college began. Instead, we went with the thriftier option of renting one of the small cabins, which from the website was said to have two full size beds and a refrigerator. It also had its own grill and fire pit off of the patio so that we could bring our own food and cook. Most alluringly, the cabins seemed to be spaced far enough apart in the woods that we could do a fair amount of loud, annoying, 18-year-old things without causing too much of a disturbance.

I, being the planner of the bunch, booked the cabin and elected myself the driver. I woke up that morning and texted the boys to make sure they were getting up and around. Sam was supposed to be dropped off at my house around 8am, and then I was to pick up Kyle and Josh once we headed out, since their places were on the way.

Sam was the only one of my friends I had really seen at all that summer, but he was busy with band friends, his summertime golf course job, and his newfound passion for yoga, so I really had only seen him a few times since graduation in mid-May. Sam and I did occasionally meet up late at night to drive around, smoking weed and shooting the breeze, but other than that we never really got to see much of each other. I was glad that he was in town and that we had the chance to bond one-on one, since he was the newest of the group of friends. He had only moved to our school about three years ago, and we didn’t really become close until junior year.

Sam was charming and easy to like. He was a bit of a music nerd, and this past year was the drum major for our school’s marching band, but he got along well with everyone. From cheerleaders to football players to artsy wallflowers, everyone seemed to know and like Sam. He was very non-threatening, but carried himself with more confidence than you would expect for having just a 5′6″, 145 lb frame. He narrowly missed being crowned homecoming king, losing by single-digit votes to our school’s admittedly endearing quarterback. Especially impressive, given that he had only been going to our school for just over two years. Sam was naturally handsome, with thick, long-ish brown hair that waved down around to his ears and framed his boyish face nicely. His eyes were big and expressive, and his nose small, upturned and cherubic. He had a wide, almost feminine mouth with curvy full lips, which were contradicted by a masculine, pointed jawline. His smile was infectious, and he always knew how to charm people with jovial banter.

Sam and I shared a few classes together my sophomore year, and though we were friendly with eachother, we never really hung out outside of school. At the start of junior year, we were assigned as lab partners for AP Chemistry. That semester, we became workout buddies. My previous workout partner, Josh, and I had stopped going together, Josh instead opting to go with his jockier friends to his volleyball team’s lifting sessions. As I began to get to know my new workout buddy and chemistry partner more closely, we became fast friends. I started inviting him to hang out with Josh and Kyle, forming the aforementioned core group of four that would be heading up to the mountains together in a few hours. Josh and Kyle quickly took to him and his one-of-the-guys attitude, though when one-on-one with me, he always flashed a bit more of a contemplative and sensitive side. We could talk about deep things that I never really could with Josh and Kyle, which was very refreshing, and allowed me to be more authentic and vulnerable around Sam.

I had begun realizing I was gay right around the time my freshman year started, but I had always been terrified to tell anyone how I was feeling. I knew if I ever told anyone, it’d be Sam. He was just such a safe and understanding guy. He had a few gay friends and it was not something he seemed to be phased by, so I figured he would be the most understanding person I could tell without fear of judgment, or making it awkward.

But my inkling to confide in him faded fast a few months into senior year, when I realized I had started developing sexual feelings for him. This caught me off guard, as up until that point the only guys that struck my fancy were tall, muscular studs and pudgy beefy types who had big appetites and growing paunches. Sam was neither of those, as his short and relatively lean frame would suggest, but he did have one asset (pun intended) that really got me going: his perfectly round bubble butt. No matter what type of pants he wore, the two perky globes protruded proudly from his backside and bounced firmly as he walked. His newfound passion for yoga brought him to wear more athletic pants that often let little to the imagination. The circular slope of his cheeks jutted out below the small of his back at an almost 90 degree angle, rounding perfectly down his rump like meaty tear drops above his hamstrings. The ass truly defied gravity. Plenty of times I’d steal glimpses of it as he changed before our workouts after school, testing the back seams of his Calvin Klein boxers as he’d change from school clothes to gym clothes. But annoyingly, he was hesitant to shower at the school after our workouts and instead opted to go home in his gym clothes. I’d never seen him or his juicy ass fully unclothed. Sam’s body was boyishly smooth- just the tiniest amount of fuzz between his pecs and the faintest little happy trail underneath his cute belly button. No chest hair, no back hair. I could only image how soft and smooth his bubble ass would look in its full bare glory.

While up and showering, the thought of Sam’s gravity-defying butt started to chub up my fairly average cock. I know “fairly average” is not descriptive, but it literally is the most standard cock. If I must describe it (you horny bastards): cut, hangs just slightly to the left, no big veins, a little over 6″ on a good day, and average girth. Though, I do have a nicely pronounced ridge where the head meets the shaft that does give it a bit of character, and at the end of the day I really can’t complain about it. I’d been in swim team locker rooms for four years… there were some pretty ugly dicks out there. For a long time, it had been much smaller, and I worried it would never grow, thus I was elated to have reached the 6” threshold when the later stages of puberty finally kicked in. So, yeah. Average was good.

As the water from the showerhead cascaded over my body, I mindlessly rubbed soap suds up and down my shaft and lazily imagined that Sam was standing in front of me: facing the wall, ass jiggling towards my swelling package. Eventually, I just decided to leave it at half-mast as I cut the water, stepped out, and toweled off, inspecting my body in the mirror as I did.

I was pretty proud at how I’d managed to stay in decent shape despite my hectic schedule this summer. My primary job was as a lifeguard at the local country club. On rainy days when nobody showed up to the pool, I’d do crunches, push ups, dips, and body squats under the roof of the pavilion, since I wasn’t getting regular workouts in like I did during school. Being a swimmer had its perks, like being able to eat whatever I wanted and not gain weight, but it always made my body a little more slender than I’d prefer. My 6′ 175 lb frame was probably no more well-muscled than it had been 4 months ago, despite my rainy day efforts. My limbs were especially lanky, something Josh liked to tease me about since he had upped his workout intensity a few years back. Over the past two years he bulked up considerably, after swapping our tame thrice-weekly gym regimen with daily, 2+ hour training sessions with his volleyball friends. I styled my short, brown hair in a tight coif, and brushed my naturally straight, white teeth. I was good looking enough, but never considered myself much of a heartthrob. I inspected my lean, hairy chest in the mirror. Gotta start benching again, I thought to myself, as I tried to make my baby pecs dance.

I heard a slam of a car door and out of the bathroom window saw Sam exiting his mom’s SUV at the bottom of my driveway. He was wearing annoyingly baggy athletic shorts that went about mid-thigh, and a white t-shirt that he seemed to fill out more than I’d have expected him to. I quickly threw on my Saxx boxer briefs, some cutoff khaki pants, and a RVCA tank top, and hurried out into the living room where my mom was busy greeting him at the door.

“Micah!” Sam exclaimed as I pulled him into a hug. A real hug, not the bro kind that alot of guys half-assed. I guess most people wanted to stave off the slightest hint of anything other than pure masculinity, but Sam didn’t give a shit what people thought about his hugs. It was one of the things I both admired and envied about him. I gave him a friendly squeeze as he smiled, “I missed you buddy.”

Shit, I thought, how long has it been? “Almost a month,” I answered myself, realizing that statement was not really cohesive to what he had just said. I quickly added an “I missed you too Sam,” and smiled warmly back.

“You ready for an epic weekend?�� He asked, eyebrows moving upwards as he spoke. I chuckled.

“Today is Wednesday.”

“Oh shit,” he jokingly pondered. So like him to not know what day it was. “Well whatever, it’s a weekend for us! Road trip! Did Kyle give you his most recent pretentious music playlist for you to blare in the car?”

I chuckled, “Oh yeah man, Thom York’s greatest hits only. With a brief intermission for an inspiring TED talk on how to get ‘jacked’ in no time,” I sarcastically air-quoted. Sam laughed.

“Oh Josh, bless his meathead soul,” Sam shook his head in feigned sympathy, the corners of his mouth turned up as his eyes shone playfully.

Josh always meant well, but he had a big ego, and we never let him live down last summer when he came back from a six-week volleyball camp and tried to explain to us how we too could get jacked in two months.

My mom, back from filling my car with what I assumed was her liberal interpretation of “the essentials,” fluttered around us making sure we both had everything packed. “Swimsuits?” Check. “Cash?” Check. “Socks, underwear, towels?” Check, check, and check.

“I put the coolers of food in the trunk!” She called as we carried our bags down to my trusty old Mazda.

“You mean the amount of food that could feed the Packers’ offensive line for three months? Yes, mom.” I chuckled back. She really overdid it. There were six packs of hotdogs, three lbs of ground beef, a small mountain of hot dog and hamburger buns, several bags of chips and other salty snacks, two 24-packs of chocolate chip cookies, 12 PB&J sandwiches ‘for the road’ (it was a 2-hour drive), along with a family size jar of peanut butter, a giant bag of granola, a king size carton of candy bars, a family pack of Oreos, three bags of marshmallows, two boxes of graham crackers, a Costco-sized thing of Gatorades, and eight two-liters of soda.

“Well, I don’t know! You eat alot! And your friends eat alot. Not you, Sam, but Kyle and Josh do!” I rolled my eyes. I really hadn’t been eating a lot since swim season ended, because when I wasn’t training but still eating like my leg was hollow, I’d pudge up a few lbs pretty quickly. I liked my abs, and wanted them for college, so no – I wasn’t planning on eating that much food. She had a point though. Josh and Kyle did eat alot.

Sam chirped in, “Thanks Mrs. K! Plus, it will be good to have extra in case we run into any laaaaadies.” He drew out the ladies part as he shimmied his shoulders at me. I rolled my eyes even harder.

“Okay Sam, what kind of girl would even put a dent in that much food?” I motioned to the cornucopia of coolers and grocery bags basically spilling out of my car.

“Who said it’d only be one,” he winked. I couldn’t help but laugh at that. Sam was little, but he could ham it up bigger than anyone I knew.

“Drive safe! Don’t speed,” My mom said as she kissed me on the forehead.

It was Sam’s turn to roll his eyes. “Mrs. K, do you know how aggravatingly slow your son drives?” I punched his arm and he let out a fake whimper.

My mom moved to kiss Sam on the forehead, which he happily accepted, clutching his heart dramatically. “Hush you. Have fun boys!”

And with that, we climbed in the car and drove off, heading for Kyle’s house.

...

Kyle had been away for the summer at his dad’s house in Kansas City, and his annoyingly scarce use of social media made it impossible for me to keep in touch with him. A sporadic text between work shifts or a call here or there was really all we’d done this summer, and even then it was mostly to discuss the newest music we’d been listening to. Kyle and I loved curating music playlists, and our evolving tastes in music were often a bonding point for us. Kyle was my first friend in middle school, as I was new to the school district and he was in all of my seventh grade classes. We quickly bonded over our shared interest in talking shit about our teachers and rolling our eyes the “popular” girls behind their backs, and soon became close friends outside of school as well.

Kyle was really easygoing, and was always quick with a one liner or funny observation. I liked hanging out with him, because when we were doing something he was into, he took the lead. That was a welcome change for me sometimes, as usually I feel the need to plan everything out and make sure everyone is happy at all times. Kyle didn’t play sports but was always fairly active, so we would often go on bike rides around town or kayak at the nearby state park. He went to the gym a decent bit, but compared to even most serious athletes, he could mindlessly put away ridiculous swaths of food with little effect. Anytime him, Josh, and I had a sleepover in middle school and into high school, he’d almost singlehandedly clean out whoevers house’s pantry before we were even halfway through an all-nighter of video games and movies. His metabolism had to have been the hardest working one on earth, because the kid just ate non-stop. Though he was never what you would call skinny, he never was really big enough to make fun of, or even notice when he had a shirt on. He always had a small layer of chub, especially around his bellybutton and lovehandles, but he certainly wasn’t fat. And the way he ate, he should have been.

Kyle wore artsy t-shirts and hats alot, and his wayfarer glasses framed his face well. He had light, dusty brown hair that wisped down his forehead and framed a very midwestern, salt-of-the-earth set of cheekbones and jawline. His thin lips and broad chin sat below a symmetrical, average-sized nose and intelligent blue eyes. He was understatedly handsome, in the way you would associate with the lead character in an indie move. At the end of high school, his 5′11, 200 lb frame was stockier than it’d ever been for sure, but sturdy and strong too as he started to take the gym more seriously. Growing up, I always relished in seeing his few chub rolls and slight love handles when he would remove his shirt, but those were rare times. He was really only shirtless at the pool, or when we gamed late at night at Josh’s house in his cramped and stuffy basement. It was enough flab to pique my fancy, but never enough to make me see him in too much of a sexual light. He was always, in my mind, squarely my friend. Admittedly, I did sometimes wonder how he’d look if his metabolism ever called it quits and the pounds poured onto that sturdy, rugby-player frame.

I didn’t have to wonder long. As Sam and I pulled into Kyle’s townhome complex, I saw him bound down his front steps in some tight forest green khaki shorts and an even tighter Obey tee. Kyle didn’t wear tight clothes normally, so it took me a few seconds to even comprehend that it was him.

“Man, I’ve always heard Kansas City barbecue is good, but I guess there’s the proof,” Sam said in awe, chuckling dryly as I pulled my car into the parking spot at the front of Kyle’s place.

“Hush,” I almost whispered, not being able to say much else. I was dumbfounded at the change heading down the steps in front of me. Kyle was big. Yes, it seemed like he had put on a bit more upper body muscle, but that was the least noticeable part of his transformation. His thick, fleshy thighs filled out his shorts completely, sending them in slow swaying jiggles as they moved, his meaty ass pushing the waistband of his shorts down to reveal his plaid boxers. Thick arms filled out the sleeves of his tee, his sizable muscles covered in a generous layer of soft flesh as he carried the duffel with his left arm. Where his arms met his torso, the beginnings of moobs strained against the fabric of his shirt, bridled but still visible as they bounced in cadence. The most impressive of all was his stomach, which billowed out and down from well beyond his moobs. The lower you looked, the bigger the belly swelled, and the bottom of the jiggly gut flashed from under his shirt with each step down the stairs. Kyle nodded his head upwards with a smile to acknowledge us, his face relatively unchanged except for a slight patch of extra padding under his chin. It was abundantly clear that Kyle had finally eaten himself past his metabolism’s breaking point this summer. At first glance I estimated that he had gained at least 35 lbs in the three months he’d been gone, maybe more.

“Hey big guy!” Sam was out of the car quickly and collided with Kyle in his trademark embrace, causing Kyle to drop his duffel on the ground with an oof. Sam looked more dwarfed than usual in the shadow of the pudgier new Kyle, his torso nearly disappearing as Kyle’s large arms wrapped back hesitantly. Sam was on his tiptoes, so despite the baggy shorts, his ass cheeks pressed out proudly from the fabric like two wrestling cantaloupes. They wiggled ever so slightly as he continually adjusted the weight on his feet to his toes. Finally released from Kyle’s meaty arms, he playfully poked a finger into the side of Kyle’s gut that had just nearly swallowed him. I silently cringed, not wanting him to draw too much attention to the fact that Kyle had packed on some serious weight.

“Ha, yeah, I’ve been hitting the gym with my dad this summer - in the middle of a bulk,” he smiled, a hint of pride in his voice. He was never one to care about his body much, so it seemed like such a foreign concept for Kyle to be “bulking” for a specific purpose.

"You look like you could lift a house!” Sam said, punching Kyle on the arm. Kyle smiled sheepishly and let out a light chuckle. I was glad glad he left it at that, as the last thing my slowly engorging dick wanted was for Kyle to be self-conscious about his body this weekend.

“Good to see you man,” I ambled up to him and opted for a more reserved bro hug. Even still, just a lightly pressing against him made his stomach give way much more considerably than I’d have thought. Up close, his body seemed even flabbier than it did from the car. My cock stirred ever so slightly at the sight of his now unmistakable gut.

I zoned out a bit as I climbed into the driver seat while Kyle and Sam chatted, catching up as they stood near the car. I became entranced by Kyle’s shirt riding further up his round, flabby belly, until eventually I could make out the bottom edge of a cavernous belly button. I realized that while I had zoned out, Sam had pulled a thing of Gatorades out from my hatchback, as well as one of the grocery bags that contained the PB&Js, along with a carton of the cookies and two bags of chips. He and Kyle were both chugging a Gatorade and fishing sandwiches from the grocery bag.

I noted a considerable dip in my shock absorbers as Kyle finally plopped into the front seat, drink in one hand and sandwich in the other. His belly rested heavily on the upper part of his quads as his fat rolls strained the fabric of his shirt. I shifted in my seat to hide my growing boner as I backed out of the parking space,

“Enjoy the front seat for 3 minutes,” Sam said to Kyle. “As if Josh is going to let our short asses up there to DJ.”

He wasn’t wrong. Josh was notorious for playing the “I’m tall” card and claiming the front seat, but Kyle relished the opportunity to play his newest playlist through the aux cord on the way to Josh’s house as we talked about what he was doing up in Kansas City.

“Mostly I just went to the gym in the morning with my dad and then explored the city. I tried all the barbecue I could,” Kyle said. “It was awesome.” I could feel Sam’s knowing smirk from the seat behind me. “So glad my dad moved there, it is way nicer hanging out there than starving out in California with his fitness-freak ex. But damn if it isn’t hot as hell in the summer. Thank God for air conditioning and Call of Duty...”

I immediately imagined the daily ritual Kyle employed during his time in Kansas City. Wake up, eat his typical four or five bowls of cereal and a muffin or two, go to the gym, venture out for barbecue, get home, peel off shirt (maybe even his pants, I thought, penis hardening even more at the mental visual) and snack non-stop while playing video games and downing sugary drinks. I thought about what I’d give to be a fly on the wall, watching day by day as Kyle grew stronger and fatter, smooth moobs and belly jiggling away as he mashed controller buttons and shoved processed food in his mouth.

I felt my cock start to stiffen impossibly more hard as I drove, as I stole glances at his smooth, jiggling stomach, which was now peeking out from below his t-shirt. He guzzled his Gatorade and munched away on his PB&J, and they were both gone before I had even gotten to the end of his street. I was kind of freaking out - I’d never been this aroused by Kyle, but weight gain was a huge turn-on for me, and it looked great on him. I could hear him conversing with Sam in the background of my lustful thoughts, and I started to feel guilty for tuning him out again as we were trying to catch up. I shifted in my seat again to try and covertly hide my now-raging boner as I snapped out of it just in time.

“Yo Micah, have you heard of ‘Young the Giant?’”

“Actually I have! But I haven’t gotten around to listening to them yet!” I enthused, shaking the lust off for the second time today. Kyle cranked up the volume as the sounds of alt-rock filled the car, and we turned on to Josh’s street.

...

There was weird history between Josh and I. He and Kyle were elementary school best friends, and I was quickly a welcome addition to slumber parties and hangouts once I’d made friends with Kyle in seventh grade. Soon, Josh and I had bonded over our love for sports, our tv-show preferences, and our shared interest in talking about sex. He was always taller than most of our classmates, with dark buzzed hair, a killer jawline, and plush, masculine lips. He had a ruggedly handsome face, yet his features were mostly soft. His eyes were intense and full of emotion; He could make you feel on top of the world or totally disarmed with just a glance. As puberty did wonders for him and stalled for me freshman year, a mix of jealousy and attraction for him washed over and confused me.

Thus, he was a large part of my sexual awakening that year. He dated my childhood best friend, Paisley, from the beginning of freshman year through a decent chunk of sophomore year. Because I was close friends with both of them, I got to hear details from both sides: when they’d had their first kiss, first make-out, second base, and so on. What really piqued my interest was when they started messing around together. I got to hear Josh talk about how great a hand-job felt, and Paisley talk about how long and thick Josh’s dick was.

From then on, I was obsessed with his dick and finding out just how big it really was, even convincing her to measure it the next time she serviced him. I pretended that I didn’t believe that it was really ‘all that big’. So one day, she actually measured. Over 7″ she said, and she couldn’t fit it in her mouth without scraping her teeth on it. Unfathomable to freshman year me, as at that point I was only packing 4″ and I knew that anyone could fit mine in their mouth with ease. I became more and more enamored with the thought of it, as a side effect really, because I eventually realized that I was head over heels in love with Josh.

I constantly tried to see it in person freshman year. At the gym when we’d work out, I’d say things like “we smell, lets shower before we go home.” When I slept over, he would shower and I’d pretend to be asleep so that he would change in the room without worrying about me seeing him, and I could steal a few quick glances at it. Eventually he started to pick up on the attention I gave him, and began reciprocating. When it was just the two of us at sleepovers, he would have me lay on his lap while we played video games. In front of Paisley, he would tease her by having me sit on his lap or big spooning me on the couch. Eventually, it just became a ritual to sleep in the same bed, cuddling and sharing warmth. I loved being held by someone taller and stronger than me. I loved his smell. I loved feeling the rise and fall of his breath. And I wanted more.

Paisley and I had kissed in the school play in eighth grade, and one day late freshman year, she teased Josh that I was the better kisser. This drove him mad enough to kinda-joke, kinda-argue with me about who really was the best kisser, which culminated one night at a sleepover. We thought Kyle was asleep by then, so I felt a little ballsy and said “well I guess there’s only one way to find out.” We leaned closer together, and Josh’s hand grabbed the back of my head and started to bring our faces nearer. I felt the warm air of his breath as our lips began to close the distance and our faces got mere inches apart. I remember his eyes looked at me in a way that caught me by surprise. He looked at me as if he wanted me, and I was sure he knew as I locked eyes with him, that I wanted him too.

A groggy Kyle, without even looking up, mumbled “If you guys kiss I’m leaving.” That was enough to break the tension of the moment. We all laughed it off, but deep down it felt like a blown opportunity, and I then longed for that kiss that never came.

Sophomore year I did get my other wish. He and Paisley broke up, and word spread around the school that he had an especially large member. He made the varsity volleyball team, impressive for a sophomore, and started going to the gym with his volleyball friends more often. We still worked out together when I went, but he was going twice as much as I was due to my 2-a-day swim practices prohibiting when I actually had the time. The rumors, his varsity status, and his swiftly muscling physique swelled his head quite a bit, and at large sleepovers which we now referred to as “parties”, he always made things a bit rowdy. He would joke in front of the group by randomly threading his flaccid dick through the hole in his flannel pajama pants, waiting for someone to notice it. When it finally got noticed, the room would explode in laughter. I remember the first time I saw it. He popped it out while standing up after winning a match of Fifa, and swung it like an elephant trunk by shaking his hips. This caused an eruption of laughter from the mix of volleyball guys and other friends at the party. I quietly left for the bathroom to rub one out. His dick was as big soft as mine was hard.

Soon Josh and I had left the cuddling sessions behind, and our friendship went back to a more “normal” one. We still had fun together, talked sports and girls and movies. I even got to see his dick a few more times when we would swim together at the high school pool. I was teaching him the more advanced strokes that he wanted to learn for his rotc training. But it was always soft, and he never kept it out longer than he had to.

All this to say, I was pretty much past my puppy dog love for Josh by the time we graduated. He was still undeniably attractive, and he seemed to perpetually put on muscle, so he still occasionally entered my lustful thoughts as I’d lay in my bed at night jacking off. By graduation he was probably 6′3″, and about 215 lbs. His handsome face had become more chiseled and strapping as he got older. He had left straight from graduation to vacation with his family at the shore, and then headed off to a two-month volleyball camp at his future alma mater upstate. So like Kyle, I hadn’t seen him since May.

Let’s just say that Kyle wasn’t the only one who transformed over the summer.

“Oh what the fuck, that’s not even fair,” Sam complained from the back seat as we pulled into Josh’s driveway and saw him waving at my Mazda from his front porch.

As I put the car in park, Josh locked his parent’s front door and swung his hefty duffel over his shoulder with ease. He looked like he was an inch or two taller, but more notably was the sheer amount of muscle that he’d impossibly packed on in the past 3 months. His shoulders were the size of melons, his biceps looked like they were seconds away from popping, and his pecs almost needed a bra as they bounced in his flattering grey tank top. He’d cut the undersides of the tank’s armholes to let his riplping lats breathe out from the sides. His narrow waist connected to a well-muscled ass, which was hugged attractively by a tight pair of athletic shorts. A ridiculously big crotch bulge bounced between his thighs as the tight athletic shorts hugged the upper part of his quadriceps, revealing tree trunk legs and bulging calves. Sam’s jealousy wasn’t misplaced – Josh looked cut out of a magazine.

Josh’s size 14 sandals clapped against the ground as he bellowed, “who’s ready to get wehhh-ehhht!” He was in a chipper mood. I liked him most when he was like this, jovial and positive. His eyes were beaming; it was a dorky type of joy he rarely let people see anymore. I couldn’t help but smile as I climbed out of the Mazda. He pulled me tightly into a crushing hug, muscles rippling, lifting me off the ground as I mashed against his boulders-for-pecs. It was a genuine hug, but I almost felt he did it to force me to take notice of just how strong he had gotten.

“How are you, Lank?” Fuck, I hated his favorite pet-name for me, but it felt kind of good to feel like he was kidding around with me in such a happy way. There was sometimes an intangible distance to our friendship now, as if we both feel guilty about what transpired when we were younger. I was glad to avoid those eggshells for the time being.

“I’d be alot better if I could breathe, you giant ape,” I shot back, punishing him for using the lank word. A stupid grin plastered itself on my face. He smiled back, setting me back down to earth as our eyes locked, and I could see the happy glow falter in his irises for a millisecond. “I missed you man,” I said, surprising myself with how much I meant it.

“I missed you too, M,” he spoke quietly, in a gentle, blissful voice that he really only used to use in early high school when it was just the two of us together. It caught me off guard for a half-second before I was able to smile and clasp my hand on his shoulder. Maybe this weekend will be a fresh start for us, I thought to myself.

Sam waited patiently for his turn to maul Josh in his trademark little-guy-bear-hug, and looked his muscular body up and down as I stepped back from the encounter.

“Hulk hug?” He joked, trying his best to wrap his arms around Josh’s broad, solid thorax.

Josh lifted him up and slung him over his shoulder with a single motion, which put Sam’s shorts-straining ass on full display. Josh swung him from side to side, his ass cheeks swaying in the air like two bouncy orbs. Sam’s shirt rode up during the antics, and I took notice for the first time a small but definite pudginess to the south of Sam’s belly button. I put two and two together, realizing Sam had probably put on a few lbs since the beginning of the summer, and I filed it away as something to watch for later that day. Josh finally released Sam from his shoulder by placing his hand directly onto the jostling globes of Sam’s bubble butt, and guided him off of his body and back to the ground.

Sam slapped his back. “You look great man,” he said in a more serious tone, giving Josh the genuine compliment I’m sure he wanted to hear.

“Thanks man,” Josh said, much more humbly than I’d have thought he would respond. “They really put me through hell up there.”

Just then, I realized Kyle had still not exited the car, and I spun around to see what the hold up has been. I noticed him polishing off a second PB&J, as he reached for a third, tearing it from its Ziploc. Finally, he shoved the door open with his free hand. He took a bite of sandwich as he hoisted himself out of the car, and the shock absorbers breathed a sigh of relief as he stood. His shirt, earlier able to fully cover his gut when standing, now gave way to expose two inches of soft belly flesh on the verge of overhang. The shirt must’ve stopped doing its job somewhere between Kyle’s house, and the two gatorades + two and a half PB&Js that he had inhaled on the way here.

I noticed Josh notice Kyle from across the driveway, and saw the slightest evil smile flash across his face before a much tamer expression replaced it. Teasingly, he called out across the driveway, “Perma-bulk!”

I got the vibe that Josh was already aware that Kyle had been trying his hand at putting on muscle this summer. Though I’m sure when he had explained to Kyle that bulking takes a concerted effort to eat more food, he underestimated the willpower to eat that Kyle was capable of.

Kyle was slightly indignant but smiled back. “This is nothing! My dad puts on at least 30 lbs before he cuts!”

I cocked an eyebrow and glanced over at Sam. In a look we both silently share our questioning of Kyle’s weight logic. He’s had to have gained 30 lbs at least during the summer, I telepathically communicated to Sam with a look. He seemed to have correctly translated my facial expression as he mirrors it back my way.

Again, though, instead of taking it further or piling on, Josh retreated as Sam did earlier. “You look solid, man. I bet you could take me in an arm wrestle.”

Kyle took the last bite of his second sandwich and pulled Josh into a tight bro-hug. With a mouthful of PB&J, he responded, “Bet.”

I felt my cock dance in my pants as I watched my two fantasies hugging in the driveway- a tall, hung, muscular stud and a soft, fattening hunk. Kyle’s soft, doughy moobs pressed into Josh’s hard, boulder-like pecs. His big jiggly stomach smashed into the side of Josh’s solid, washboard set of abs. Kyle’s belly rested so low and poked out so far that as they hugged, it noticeably shifted Josh’s bulge. I could make out the outline of Josh’s egg-sized balls, displaced by Kyle’s nearly-overhanging gut. I adjusted my cock in my pants to hide my growing erection, and noticed Sam turning towards the car. “Lets go get wet, bitches.”

I scurried back to the drivers seat, mainly to watch both Josh and Kyle jiggling as they walked towards the car. Josh’s pecs and bulge bounced as he walked towards the passenger side, while Kyle’s gut and widening love handles jiggled as he looped around the car. He grabbed another Gatorade and a bag of chips from the backseat. Josh had nestled his firm muscled ass into shotgun, and his thick, tree-trunk thighs pushed his oversized bulge into view. He looked up towards my face, and I quickly diverted my gaze to the back, catching Kyle’s belly shake as he tore open the chip bag, sending the scent of barbecue flavor emanating through the car.

“You guys have everything you need back there?” I asked as an excuse to watch Kyle shoveling a fistful of chips into his mouth.

“Myupf,” he says back through a mouthful of chips.

I turned my head back toward the dash and nearly bump my face into Josh’s, who was careening his head around to look at Kyle. “Give me some, I’m staving!” He demanded.

“It is 8:30 in the morning,” Sam observed from next to Kyle, incredulously. Again I shot him a quick glance as Kyle handed over the chip bag to Josh and reached into the grocery bag for a fourth PB&J.

“There’s PB&Js?!” Josh asked excitedly.

“Courtesy of Momma K,” I reply. “She packed 12 for the road, so dig in.” I noticed in the rearview Kyle’s face register that his current sandwich was one over the fair limit for each of us, so I quickly add, “I ate breakfast so I’ll probably only have one, if that.” This seemed to placate Kyle as he happily munched down on the last of sandwich number four.

“Same,” Sam echoed. “Well, actually, I’ll probably have a second.” I heard him reach down into the bag to fish out another PB&J. This surprised me, because it was before 9am and Sam had eaten breakfast and a PB&J already, and was reaching for a second one. My cock basically whimpered as it throbbed hard in my pants for the fifth time in a few hours. I imagined the extra calories going straight to Sam’s bubble butt, causing it to grow bigger and plumper. I fantasized about how much rounder, bouncier and fatter his ass would begin to look if he gained even just 10 lbs.

I smiled then, remembering what else was below the sandwiches in the grocery bag. “I think there are some Wegman’s chocolate chip cookies too.”

Josh’s hips twisted toward me as his head turned towards the back, immediately rummaging through the bag to find the carton of cookies. This gave me a wonderful side view of his athletic shorts pulled taut by powerful legs, a meaty ass, and a tremendous dick bulge. He pulled the cookies out victoriously, took three for himself, and passed them around to Kyle and Sam. By the time they got back to Josh, more than half of the 24 pack of cookies was gone. He offered the package to me as I drove, and I pulled one from the carton. One can’t hurt, I thought, glancing in my rearview to see Sam double fisting two cookies in each hand, and Kyle balancing a stack of eight cookies on his meaty thigh.

The sounds of munching and alternative music filled the car as I drove. I was stealing glances at Josh, now on his third PB&J and midway through the bag of chips, his bulging muscly body filling out the passenger seat, and his hefty bulge – could it have gotten bigger? – bouncing in between his thighs with each bump in the road. I glanced again at Kyle through my rearview, his belly looking even more tremendous and starting to grow rounder. He polished off the final cookie in his stack and reached into the carton for more, obviously forgetting that the eight he already had were more than his fair share. I noticed he had unbuttoned his shorts, and the exposed sag of belly below his belly button now escaped his shirt even when sitting down.

I caught sight of Sam, hand absentmindedly playing with the crotch of his athletic shorts, go for the final PB&J in the bag. On top of all of these wonderful visuals, the thought of his bubble butt growing in size and tearing through the seat of his underwear got me even hornier. My cock pulsed through my pants even more, the sexiness of each of my best friends becoming more apparent as we drove. I felt the beginnings of precum ooze into my boxer briefs. This was going to be a better trip than I bargained for.

…

8 notes · View notes

isthisableism · 6 years

Text

🚨🚨Disabled comrade in need of emergency assistance!! 🚨🚨

Copy-pasted from a Facebook post, with permission

Posted by Katrina:

I am in a really bad spot.

I have an important appointment with my eye doctor tomorrow. My sight depends on it.

Apparently I don't have insurance. I don't have a ride. I don't have things that were supposed to be taken care of.

If I can manage to drive, maybe they will even see me when I don't have the cash for the visit, but it's doubtful.

Then I have court Friday for an expired registration that I wasn't able to get taken care of, because I've been experiencing so much hardship. I don't know what will happen with that?!

I think it's worse to have half assed "support". People think you're being helped and cared for, when you really are being sabotaged. Malicious or not, that's my material reality.

I can't get anyone to aid me in getting assistance from social services like Medicaid.

My 2.5 year long social security application and accrued back pay was throw out because I trusted someone to mail off an appeal when I was not physically able to. The tracking number receipt was misplaced and of course they said they "didn't get it".

I don't have any energy or ability to go find an advocate. Everyone wants you to come in for an appointment, but I can barely make it to see doctors.

Being sick and poor is a death sentence. It seems that I'll probably have to wait til I have cancer from my high risk syndrome to get any official help.

There is plenty of evidence that I'm disabled, but the gov orgs have beuroRATS who are only familiar with more common stuff. Even with that, I should be a clear example of someone unable to fend for myself, trapped, in a state of neglect.

I really did try to keep making some income. I can't rely on my body. I pushed too hard for too long.

Even having a private policy was supposed to be temporary last year! Just for the few months it would take to get approved for public assistance!

All my records are a mess from moving, I was never able to physically get all that shit together and see someone.

I keep having health events pop up that prevent me from doing all that.

I'm disabled. This whole broken system is so ableist.

I can't always drive, have been hemorrhaging cash on medical costs, and have nothing left, I can't dig any deeper. There's never even enough for food and meds.

How the fuck was I supposed to go to the DMV? Things just keep snowballing. The hole is getting deeper.

If I'm underinsured I really won't be eligible for any programs, but I have emergencies pop up and can't go without. You have to be in good standing with these doctors. I'm in collections with so many medical bills.

This stress is the biggest trigger to my symptoms flaring. I'm unable to present my case and start over again. No one makes house calls.

I really don't want make a go fund me for myself and exploit that kind of biased platform, but I know I don't deserve this either.

I've been way less active on here lately trying to give myself a break, but nothing helps.

There are so many things I could try to get better quality of life and functionality, but they're just not accessible.

Even if I'm approved for Medicaid, they don't cover a lot of the stuff I'll need, there will always be more hoops to jump through.

I can't even get myself mobility aids, braces, things like that.

I can't just shell out $1000 to try a med that may not work or go to therapy.

To get the Medicaid you have to have a current social security application. I'm at my breaking point.

I shared what happened to me with the local eye doctor in a post a while back.

I was sexually harassed, physically assaulted, intimidated, and defrauded. That's why I'm still having to go back and forth to this new doctor, still on these eye meds, and having complications.

I can't catch a break. The fucking pig who pulled me over didn't have to give me a citation, but went ahead and did. I was almost home from a 13 hour day. I had to go 4 hours away to see my PCP and back, got detoured, just utterly demoralizing.

I needed to see these doctors to get well enough to even be able to go get all my stuff up to date with my car, license etc.

I needed to get my flare under control first off, so I can see, so I'm not spending every dime on copays, and to document just how screwed I am.

Every period of time that I go without the medical care I need is also going to be held against me. They're not going to see that I should have had tens of thousands of dollars or more worth of medical care. They just want to see how much you've actually spent.

So, when I should have had all this stuff checked out or fixed, I've just been terrified and suffering more.

I need a miracle, but in the meantime, I really need emergency funds and solidarity. I mean it when I say I am physically unable to do this shit.

I don't know how to even express how bad spending hours on the phone fighting for help, being told to "just go here", etc makes my symptoms worse.

Those stressors make me shut down. They incapacitate me.

I'm in debilitating pain and can't even make my case anymore. There is no "doing what you have to do". I'm past all that. I did that until there was nothing left. It really is too much.

Please help in any way you can. Before I got so sick I took care of people. I really was there for others. I still am emotionally. I give moral support, people seek my advice, I freely give what I have to offer, I know it's not much, but I'm not worthless.

I'm still a problem solver, you have to be when you can't take care of yourself, I'm at a loss here though.

Sadly, there just isn't reciprocity from those who benefitted from me when I was able to be organized, thorough, physically supportive, I showed up for people. For shit like this!

I guess I'm disposable. I'm a prop for photo ops on holidays and other functions like that, but otherwise abandoned beyond superficial appearances. From the outside it looks like I have people in my corner, but I really don't. Not in a meaningful way that counts.

That hurts more than truly being alone. Then I'd probably have more tangible relief.

So, please, I really need a hand here. I don't need general life advice, I really don't think I can take suggestions like that right now. I don't need medical advice. Well, I do, but from my doctors.

I need solidarity and action. I am open to thoughts on how to get over the obstacles that I've mentioned. Specifically, how do I get crowd sourcing going? Can someone please help with that? Do I work that even though it's problematic as fuck?! Ya know? I am being left to rot.

Can y'all please share elsewhere for me as well? I can barely keep myself composed thinking about this stuff. I've been through some shit, but I'm tapped out. My eyes are acting up. I'm dreading what that means.

What's going to happen at court? I am not ready to give up my old car, nor would I feel safe doing so. I need it for emergencies. People really don't get that I can't just be somewhere as planned at 9:30 am, let alone face a judge! My body doesn't work like that.

The more indigent I appear, the more discriminated against I am with healthcare providers, and they're shitty at helping with the clerical paperwork shit even when you have your shit together.

If anyone could write up a post that can be used for reaching out to the general public, that would be extremely helpful.

I'm not worried about my pride, but I am in a very vulnerable dependent situation. I really need things to turn around. I need to be able to have my surgeries and to take better care of myself, to have the fixable stress alleviated.

Here's my PayPal...

paypal.me/KMartling

#disability #assistance #disabled #mutual aid #support #emergency #signal boost

168 notes · View notes

chasholidays · 6 years

Photo

If I Say You Have a Beautiful Body

Fill for @reblogginhood and @fadingdefendorlight, both of whom prompted a variation on “Bellamy tries to flirt, Clarke doesn’t realize he’s serious, and their friends laugh at them”

Group: tfw your friends' sexual tension is ruining your lives

Jasper: ok I know I've been warned about this BUT I think something is actually happening w Clarke and Bellamy for real

Raven named the conversation "Bellarke fanfiction by Jasper Jordan"

Monty: I don't approve of "Bellarke" for the ship name I don't like portmanteaus I think we can do better Maybe something with occupations The sky's the limit

Jasper: we are getting off topic also it's not fanfiction if it's REAL Raven I'm talking about real events I witnessed

Nate: I hate to say this like it's physically painful but I think Jasper's right

Jasper: VINDICATION seriously tho Miller should have insight I think Bellamy's getting his head out of his ass

Nate: yeah no let's not get carried away Bellamy's head is still firmly in his ass but I saw him googling "how to flirt" so it's like facing the right direction in his ass

Monty: Wait, he's googling flirting? Doesn't he already know? I feel like we've seen him successfully flirt Raven? Thoughts?

Raven: yeah his face does like 90% of the work for him also I made the first move when we slept together he was honestly pretty confused about the whole thing don't get me wrong, I've seen him flirt but it's not like he's good at it

Monty: But his face

Raven: p much anyway tbh I bet he has no clue how to flirt with CLARKE and it's not like the internet's going to help him

Nate: yeah honestly what was he doing, Jasper?

Jasper: pickup lines and, like bad ones

Raven: YOU think they're bad?

Jasper: yup we are through the looking glass here people Bellamy is flirting with Clarke and he sucks at it on a level we never anticipated

Raven: come on there's no way him actually flirting with her is going to be worse than him failing to flirt

Monty: If this was a TV show This is when they'd play the dramatic music and smash cut to how bad Bellamy's bad flirting is

Jasper: it's bad heed my warnings I know from bad flirting he asked if she came here often at the store she owns that was his angle

Monty: What did she say?

Jasper: that's the other thing Clarke's not good at this either remember when Lexa was flirting with her??? and it was excruciating because Clarke just didn't notice??? she was just like, yes, Bellamy, I'm here all the time stop being a dick I know I work a lot so let's all be prepared here the actual flirting might somehow be worse than the sexual tension

Nate named the conversation "be careful what you wish for"

Jasper: yeah sounds right

No one believes Bellamy when he says he's been trying to flirt with Clarke since he met her. Or, more accurately, that he tried to flirt with her the first time he met her, and there was no denial or angst or uncertainty involved. She was working at the same coffee shop his sister was working, she was cute, and he didn't see any harm in trying to get her number.

And he did get it, of course, but instead of that turning into a date, she became his best friend. Which he isn't upset about, obviously; now that he knows her, he has no idea how it would have gone if they'd actually tried a romance back then. They needed time to get used to each other.

Miller calls this making excuses, but Miller is an asshole.

The point is this: Clarke considers lowkey flirtation to be a background part of their relationship. That's how it's always been for them, which means that upgrading from their regular flirting to real flirting is, well, complicated.

"You know what would be easy?" Octavia asks, once he's finished telling her about his first spectacular failure to give Clarke serious flirtingsignals. He's not sure why he told her about it, except that they call once a week and he sometimes has trouble keeping her on the phone. Making fun of him is a good tactic. "Asking her out."

"I decided I don't believe in that anymore."

"Wow. That's a new excuse for being single."

He huffs. "Not how you're thinking. Just--I don't think that doing this as some formal dating thing is ever going to work. This is Clarke. We're not like that."

"I still can't believe you actually fell in love with one of my coworkers from my part-time job in college," she says. He can practically see her shaking her head. "I'm not in touch with anyone from that job except as Facebook friends. I wouldn't ever think about her, except for you."

"You can't tell who's going to be important to you," he says.

"I guess not, Hallmark card." She sighs, like the conversation is a great burden. "So, you aren't going to formally date. That means you can't just tell her you're into her? Direct and to the point seems safest to me. Don't make her guess what you're going for."

For a few seconds, he tries to come up with a real excuse, but it's hopeless. "Too scary," he admits. "I'm trying to make it organic."

"So, your plan is to treat your dating life like you treat your hair? Take half an hour every morning to make it look like you put no effort into it even though you're really fucking vain?"

"Pretty much exactly that, yeah."

"And your plan for that is to flirt with her more."

"Until I come up with something better, yeah."

"I'm not holding my breath," says his sister, and he sighs.

"Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it."

Clarke: Oh my god I'm so bored This is so boring I just want to go to sleep

Bellamy: Yeah? You like sleeping?

Clarke: ??? It's a biological necessity That's like asking if I like breathing

Bellamy: We should try doing it together sometime

Clarke: That was so much setup for such a bad line It sounds like you want us to breathe together But A for effort And thanks for the laugh Appreciated My mom heard it and looked at me like I was shaming the whole family for laughing at a serious event

Bellamy: Yeah Any time

"You noticed Bellamy acting weird?"

Clarke has to consider the question carefully, finally settles on, "Weird for a normal person or weird for Bellamy?"

Raven snorts. "So, yes?"

"Not that weird."

"Uh huh."

"You know you could just tell me what you're worried about, right? I might not have noticed."

"Yeah, that sounds right."

Clarke sighs. She's used to everyone being kind of dicks about her and Bellamy. She even gets it, honestly. The two of them getting together is one of those things that feels right. Clarke would like to say it's just societal programming, but given she'd be completely and totally down if Bellamy ever indicated romantic interest, it's hard to argue their friends are just seeing what they want to see.

At least on her side. Bellamy is one of those people who has sexual tension with everything, though, so it's hard for Clarke to feel special. He could probably seduce a dishtowel, if he wanted to.

"Seriously, this conversation would suck a lot less if you just told me what it was about."

Her tone is just sharp enough for Raven to catch the genuine hurt there, and she winces. It's not exactly a victory, but it's probably necessary. She doesn't like guilting people, but no one seems to get how annoying the whole thing is for her. It's not fun, being hopelessly in love with her best friend. Everyone acting like they're ridiculous for not being together doesn't help.

"Jasper thinks he's hitting on you."

"Jasper always thinks he's hitting on me."

"I know, but this one sounded more legit. Which is why I was asking you. But you never think he's hitting on you."

"I did, once," she protests. "I tried it, and he wasn't interested. He just likes flirting."

"He doesn't," says Raven, to her surprise. "Seriously, he's terrible at flirting."

"He still likes it. And he does fine."

"When he wants to. When's the last time he hooked up with anyone?"

"It's been a while. That doesn't mean it has anything to do with me," she adds, and Raven shrugs one shoulder.

"Yeah. It doesn't mean it doesn't, either."

"So, your question is do I think Bellamy is hitting on me."

"No, I know you don't think that. You never think that. But maybe keep an eye open."

"Based on Jasper's testimony? Really?"

She shrugs again. "And, you know, all the other stuff I've ever said about how I think he's into you. Why do you think he's not, again?"

"Because I asked him out and he said no."

"Like--two years ago, right?"

"Something like that. And don't tell me he could have changed his mind, I know he could have. But he knows I'm interested."

"I guess," says Raven, not sounding convinced. "Just--don't give up on it, okay? Maybe it's not what you think."

It's the least necessary advice of all time; if she knew how to give up on Bellamy, she already would have. If she could be done with it, she would.

"Don't worry," she says. "I'm pretty sure the feelings aren't going anywhere.

Group: are those moon pants? because your ass is out of this world

Raven: okay not to be a buzzkill but I think Clarke's actually upset about the whole Bellamy thing

Nate: she doesn't want him to hit on her? should I try to talk him out of it?

Raven: did he admit he's doing it?

Nate: no but I could still try to talk him out of it

Raven: I think maybe just leave her alone I tried to ask and she got prickly she's convinced she made a move years ago and he shot her down which I always forget about because it sounds so fake

Nate: if he did, he doesn't know about it

Monty named the conversation "#otp: incompetence kink"

Raven: someday they're going to find out about this group and murder us

Nate: not if they're getting laid endorphins reduce homicidal urges

Monty: citation needed

Nate: come over and we can test it

Monty: [kissy face emoji] very smooth

Jasper: FLIRTING IN PRIVATE MESSAGES ONLY

Raven: yeah, slide into those DMs, Miller

Nate: way ahead of you

The thing about being in love with your best friend is that it's simultaneously very easy and very hard to feel comfortable with it. Bellamy already gets almost everything he wants out of his relationship with Clarke, if he's honest. It's just the sex that's missing, and while sex is something, it's not everything.

It's why he doesn't want to risk losing her, but also why he can't just let the whole thing go. It would be so good, if she felt the same way he does, and it's finally gotten to the point where he needs to know if he could have that, or if he needs to move on already.

But he still doesn't know how to just ask.

Part of it is, like he told his sister, cowardice, but the other problem is how intimate they already are. It's two weeks since he stepped up his flirting game, and Clarke doesn't seem to have noticed, but she's coming over for dinner and a movie, just the two of them. The only difference between their typical Friday night and a date is that they are not, officially, romantic.

It's a difference he'd like to just get rid of, which is why he opens the door shirtless this week.

"Hey, you're early."

Clarke's eyes flick up and down his body, dispassionate. "I'm on time. Did you just get out of the shower?"

"I just don't put on a shirt if I'm not going to see people. My apartment is warm."

She pokes his nipple with her pinkie finger. "Is it?"

"Fine, I'll go put a shirt on. I thought you might enjoy that," he adds. "I'm very desirable."

"Uh huh," she says. "I'm not saying I'm not enjoying it. Just that I'm not really buying your excuse."

"Yeah, I definitely wanted you to be overcome with lust and jump me."

"Tempting, but I want dinner first. Can I do anything to help?"

And that's how it goes. He cooks and she helps, and they end up on the couch side-by-side with plates of food, the best relationship he's ever been in that involves absolutely no overt romance.

"Raven asked me if you were acting weird," she admits, soft, like she's not sure she should be saying it.

"And?"

"And I think you kind of are. Everything okay?"

This is his opening to say the right thing, to tell her that he's in love with her and he's kind of failing to express it well.

But if he could say that, he wouldn't be failing so much. So instead he kicks his legs up on the coffee table with a shrug. "Yeah, everything's fine. How about you?"

She nods, but there's something a little odd in it. "I'm good."

Bellamy: Are you thirsty?

Me: Actually yeah Myles called in sick so I've been on the register forever

Bellamy: I have water And a dick I don't know if you meant you're thirsty for dick or water, but I have both

Me: I think you didn't actually care about the answer to that question Also your pickup lines need work

Bellamy: If you'd said no I would have been in bad shape I can bring you coffee

Me: And your dick, I assume

Bellamy: It comes with me most places, yeah See you in ten

"I think you might have been right about Bellamy," Clarke admits to Raven. It feels like surrendering, but for once, she actually wants advice. "I think he might be hitting on me."

Raven frowns. "Okay, so--why aren't you happy about it?"

"I guess I'm not--you know how I feel about him, right?"

"Everyone knows, yeah. You guys are pretty obvious."

"That's what everyone keeps telling me, but--" She sighs. "Look, I thought about it, after what you said, and I realized he's not. In love with me."

"So, you thought it over and decided Bellamy's hitting on you, but he's not in love with you."

"He thinks we should fuck," she says, flat. "And it's not even--I get it. If I wasn't into him, I'd think it was a great idea, but--"

But you're into him, and you think he's not into you. Look, Clarke, I get that this is--big. For you guys. Years of pining finally maybe going official. But seriously, it's mutual. There's no fucking way he doesn't feel the same way."

"I thought about it. I checked our texts. He definitely wants to fuck me."

"Yeah, no one's denying that he wants to fuck you. We're all on the same page with that. But if he thinks he's just interested in sex, it's because he's in denial too."

Clarke has to smile. "I know you think that, but--"

"I will bet you real, actual money. Seriously."

"Then why isn't he just saying that?" she asks. "Why would he be using--shitty pickup lines?"

"Why aren't you telling him you're in love with him?"

"Because I tried--"

"Remind me what you did last time," says Raven. "Humor me."

Clarke wets her lips. "I asked if he wanted to go out to dinner, and he said no, because he already had a date. And when I asked how it went the next day, he said they weren't going out again. So I asked again, and he said he was busy. So--not interested. I gave him plenty of chances, but he's just not."

"How many times has Bellamy hit on you in the last, what, two weeks?"

"I haven't been keeping count."

"Ballpark."

"Five to ten."

"And you've shot him down every time, right?"

"I haven't shot him down. I've just--I figured he was joking. I'm pretty sure I didn't notice some of them. I wasn't like, I never want to fuck you or anything."

"He didn't tell you he never wanted to date you either. Yeah, okay, maybe he was letting you down easy, or maybe he didn't figure out that you were trying to ask him out. Honestly, I might not have. So--maybe he's trying to make the same move you were, except he's going bad pickup instead of ambiguous dinner."

"It wasn't ambiguous!" she protests. "If he'd wanted to go out again--"

"How many times have you guys had dinner together? No offense, but I'm just not convinced he would have thought it was that special."

There's an argument to be made for that one, Clarke has to admit. When she'd asked, it felt monumental, like she was really putting herself out there, making the big move, but she'd also been careful to not give away too much. To give Bellamy an out, and herself. To preserve their friendship if it didn't work out.

That, at least, happened. But if Bellamy didn't know, and if he wants the same out now, she could believe that he's going with kind of ridiculous and over the top, for deniability.

And then the rest of the implications of that sink in.

"You think he might really like me," she says.

"Seriously, I already have money on this, if you want me to put more money on it I will. Gina is actually tired of hearing about how you guys are going to date. Not because she used to have a thing for Bellamy," Raven adds, before Clarke can ask. "Because it's just boring now. Unless I have better updates, she's not interested. It's just boring and sad if nothing ever happens."

"I should probably talk to him, huh?"

"Understatement."

"Would Gina be cool with it if you stayed at her place tonight?"

"Planning on getting laid?" she teases.

"He's made it pretty clear that's an option, yeah."

Raven smirks. "Then yeah, I think I can find somewhere else to be."

Group: are we creepy? no, it's the children who are wrong

Raven: RED ALERT RED ALERT I swear to god Clarke is texting Bellamy to ask him to come over so they can actually talk about their shit RIGHT NOW This is happening this is not a drill I'm on the train to Gina's now because Clarke is planning to have sex

Nate: what

Raven: Scout's honor, Miller

Nate: you're not a scout

Raven: And I'm pretty dishonorable But fucking seriously I think she's really going to do it

Jasper: !!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jasper named the conversation "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Jasper: WHERE IS MONTY WHY IS HE NOT HERE this is an historic event a historic event? I don't care this is going to be like when JFK got shot in the sense that we'll remember where we were when it happened not in any other ways seriously where is he

Nate: dentist don't worry, he'll freak out soon btw Bellamy just texted me that he's "hanging out with Clarke" tonight guessing he has no clue

Raven: I feel like Jasper shouldn't have changed the chat name We're so fucking creepy

Nate: did you do this when me and Monty were getting together?

Raven: We didn't need to You guys took like three weeks Not 84 years

Nate: man here's hoping after tonight, we never have to use this group chat again

Jasper: it's been an honor serving with you guys let's all go do other stuff and try not to wonder if our friends are having sex

Raven named the conversation "we're fucking creepy, but at least bellamy and clarke are on a date"

Nate: tbh

Depending on what happens tonight, Bellamy thinks it's probably about time to switch his seduction tactics, because whatever he's doing now isn't working.

His sister might be right; he might have to actually tell Clarke what he wants, directly and unambiguously. It's still possible she won't want the same thing, but--he kind of needs to know. He needs to be sure.

Or, she could be inviting him over to seduce him. It's not likely, but he lives in hope. Even Miller admitted he was being really, really fucking obvious. It feels like she's got to notice eventually.

It's not a serious thought, not really, but when he knocks on the door, she calls, "It's open!" which is definitely a deviation from the norm.

"Are you actually cooking?" he asks, suspicious. "Is this a special occasion I didn't know about? Is it our anniversary?"

"I hope it's going to be," she says, coming out of her bedroom in, well--

Not a lot of clothing. Like, at all.

"Um," he says, trying not to stare, even though he's pretty sure the whole point of coming out of a bedroom in lingerie is to get stared at. "Hi," he manages. "You look--wow."

"Thanks." She bites her lip, nerves coming through. "I was getting the impression you were into me. You've been dropping some hints."

"Yeah, I--" His self control breaks and he crosses the living room in a few long strides, cups her face in his hands and kisses her. Her fingers come up to fist in the material of his t-shirt, holding him close, and it's relief and happiness all at once, more emotion than he knows what to do with.

"Yeah," she says. "Me too."

He lets his arms slide around her, grinning. "Was it the dick thirst pickup line that did it? Did that actually work?"

She laughs, tucks her face against his neck. “No, definitely not. I decided you wanted to be friends with benefits and Raven had to talk me down from that one. But I thought you just wanted to fuck me.”

He barks a laugh. “Fuck, I didn’t even—I guess that is kind of how I was thinking about it, but just—“ He kisses her hair. “Our relationship is basically perfect, I just want to be able to kiss you whenever I want. But it’s not like—“

“I love you too,” she says, and he’s never heard anything better.

But then she adds, “So, bedroom?”

And that comes close.

Nate: Are you ever coming home or do you live in Clarke’s bed now?

Bellamy: Good question I’ll let you know when I figure it out

Nate: I like having the whole apartment to myself Definitely stay there forever And congrats on finally making that whole thing work

Bellamy: Thanks I’ll never see you again

“Do you remember when I asked you out?” Clarke asks, sounding curious.

It's an odd question; he's as curious what the answer is supposed to be as she is. “Last night?”

“That was asking you in, not asking you out.”

He frowns. “There was another time? When? What—“

She laughs, resting her face against his back as he makes breakfast. She and Raven didn’t have a lot to work with, so he might have to go shopping soon. If he’s going to be around more. Their fridge needs help.

“I asked you out like two years ago and you turned me down because you had another date.”

“Jesus, really? I definitely missed that. I don’t even remember.”

“Yeah, that’s what Raven figured. She thought you must have just not known.”

“I was trying to pick you up the first time we met,” he says. “So I’m not the only one who missed shit.”

“Oh, no, I knew that.” He turns to frown at her, and she grins. “Lots of guys hit on me at the coffee shop, I just ignored it. But then you were Octavia’s brother, so I figured we could at least hang out. That’s why I tried to ask you on the date. I knew you used to like me. It seemed like you might—“

He catches her mouth for another kiss. “I never stopped liking you,” he tells her. “If I’d known, I would have canceled the other date in half a second. Sorry I didn’t—“

“Don’t worry about it,” she says, smiling. “We got here, right?”

“Finally,” he teases. But he can’t stop smiling. “Took us long enough.”

Monty named the conversation "tfw your otp becomes canon"

Raven deleted the group

146 notes · View notes