#always deluded

[sequinsonyourashtray]

#neet lol #nta surprises are always bad #premedical #med school #no achché din #cut-throat #always deluded

[shigayokagayama]

sorry maybe one day ill stop being mad about how the anime adapted the confession arc but today is not the day because im stuck thinking about how much of a blunder it was not to include this page

because like. to me this was the thing that defined my reading of this arc. this was the moment that made me go "oh, this isn't mob unconsciously doing this, this is someone else"

so then when you read through the rest of it you share mob's frustration. why are all these people treating this thing like it's mob? this isn't mob. this is some dangerous entity puppeting his body and hurting people! mob would never do this!

and then

oh.

oh.

this is mob.

this is mob as much as the teru who nearly killed someone who refused to fight back just because they didnt share his worldview is teru. this is mob as much as the ritsu who hurt dozens of people weaker than him just because he could is ritsu. this is mob the way the reigen who lied to him for years is reigen.

the part of you that lashes out and hurts people when you're scared or hurt or frustrated isnt some other scary thing that you have to control.

it's just you.

but people still love you.

#srry i love this fucking arc so much it makes me wanna go in the soil #like maybe too personal but in highschool i used to delude myself into thinking my meltdowns were being caused by possession #and i always think its funny that thats also the first thought i jumped to when i read this arc the first time. fitting. #mp100 #mob psycho 100 #shigeo kageyama #pic

[lovesickeros]

☆ from gold, i am undone

{☆} characters tsaritsa {☆} notes cult au, yandere, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings blood, implied self harm, implied suicide attempts {☆} word count 0.9k

You weren't meant to be here.

You can feel it in the marrow of your bones– it weighs you down like heavy shackles, gold bleeding from your pores until it is all you know. The taste of ichor on your tongue, the warmth of its invasion beneath your skin, that gleam of gold that lingers in the color of your eyes like specks of dust.

You are changed, and you are whole.

But you are so unbearably broken.

A shattered piece of porcelain hastily put back together with gold to fill the cracks.

Decoration, in the end, for you are not fit to walk as "mortals" do. This gold had filled every empty crevice of your body, spilled the red into your frantic hands and made you bleed so it's callous gold could make room inside your body. It has taken from you many things, given many more, but you scratch and bite and tear until it drips onto the floor and even then it never leaves. It stains the floor no matter how hard you scrub– a permanent reminder of the sickening gold that molds you into something that used to look like you– that does look like you. Desecrated, yet so horribly divine.

All you see is a monster.

Something new, something old.

A hollowed out shell, wounds left to rot and fester until you suited the image of the Creator they bore upon statues and murals, the Creator worshiped in prayers spoken in hushed whispers and joyous chants praising your magnificence.

But what magnificence is there in detachment? What joy is there to be found in carving a God out of a human? They kneel like lambs before the shepherd, but the flock has made you– and you want to unmake them. Unweave the tapestry of their being stitch by stitch until it all falls apart and the world knows the cost of casting molten gold into the shape of a human, knows the price that has been left unpaid.

You want to take it from them. Watch them squabble and pray, blind sheep stepping into the wolf's open maw– to tear the seams of their being until the world is unwound by your heavy hands.

But you know it will not satisfy you.

Nothing does anymore.

You are no wolf. Only the shepherd who guides.

And with every drop of blood spilled, they ripped the humanity from your very bones until your body was the cast in which they made something anew– something gold, something horrific. A monster as much a God, a beast as much a man.

There is nothing left but absolute authority.

You try again and again to mend this act of desecration, to peel back the outer shell and rend the gold from your marrow– but your body cannot, will not, die. It mends itself back into place no matter how damaged, and all you feel is the uncomfortable tug of your body forcing itself to live. You cannot die, but were you ever truly alive at all?

Yet with every cycle, you know only one constant besides the thrum of golden ichor in your veins– cold.

Ice that burns, ice that spreads and festers and devours. Claws that pull you apart until the gold runs thick, teeth that burrow into your bones and rip it out from the source..eyes that witness the fall of a God with reverence– hungering, all consuming reverence.

You welcome it.

It is the first time you felt pain since you were cast into an image of a being you were not meant to be. The sting of cold upon your skin makes you shiver, your body tries to reject it, but you want to welcome it– for a brief moment that lasts only as long as it takes for you to blink, you see the glint of something familiar in the reflection of her empty eyes. Something achingly, horribly familiar– something human, all the more terrifying for it.

Even when Teyvat itself crumples like paper beneath the weight of her sins – of this desecration anew, this wretched heresy – you allow her hands to do it again. You grasp her hands in yours like chains, willing her to shackle you, willing her to pull you apart and make you whole again. To break you until the gold cannot put you back together again.

You long, each time, for those eyes like spears that lodge into your skin– burrow deep and sting deeper, making gold flow like water. You long for the biting tongue, the cutting words and those teeth like weapons– long to see the spite and anger and impure disgust aimed at the woman of silver who leads you down a hall that ends only in damnation. You follow each time like the lamb led astray by the wolf, but you do not wail in betrayal when she sinks her teeth into your throat and devours you whole.

For is it a sin if you welcome it? Has their God sinned, in the eyes of the flock, for welcoming such heresy with open arms? For allowing the wolf into their home?

Is it a sin to be broken beneath the only hands that have loved you?

Is it a sin to want to love, too, those hands and teeth stained in gold?

Then you shall be damned, you swear it. Damned, but gold no more.

For death is the closest you have ever felt to being human.

#sagau #genshin sagau #self aware genshin #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin impact #fic tag #tsaritsa #genshin cult au #genshin impact cult au #tsaritsa x reader #this is. technically not a sequel but not a prequel but a secret third thing (mental health crisis) #kidding i just wanted 2 write the prev fic from more reader oriented pov bc it wasnt fucked up enough!!!!! #i need fucked up reader who is irreparably changed in horrifying ways!!!!!! and they cant die bc teyvat kinda needs them 2 uh #exist at all. and if u die well thats it. hits reset button #the horrifying fate of a mortal forced to be a god against their will and all the drawbacks that come with it #where is love to be found when they all cannot see themselves as anything but beneath you? there will always be imbalance #oh they try. they claw and scramble and beg but being the creator has changed you. #none of their worship. none of their sacrifices and gifts and pleas make you feel a thing and what a haunting thing it must be #do they reject it? delude themselves into thinking that they must try harder? #or do they accept that this is a god? absolute. horrifying in its entirety. something that even the archons cannot truly understand #a manmade god who seeks absolution in only the most heretical. the most blasphemous #literally shaking chewing on the bars of my cage LET ME OUT #i love deep dives like this sorry 2 everyone i made think i was normal my bad #i just think immortality and godhood r funky concepts and i love making them WORSE #also this took so long because i was playing b@Idurs g@t3 3 erm. censored so it doesnt show up in tags PLEASE DONT SHOW UP IN TAGS #taking i need the tsaritsa to bite me to a whole new entirely worse level!! #i just think (starts talking for 5 hours straight and doesnt Shut Up) #this one is also. considerably more openly fucked up then the other fic. even if its hidden behind flowery language uh. take it seriously. #okay im done no more angst its fluff from here on out i need 2 be NORMAL. i am a normal well functioning adult. maybe.

[nonranghaes]

heads up: reader struggling w friendships (feeling uninvolved + unheard)

felix hears the way you sigh as you come back into the room, and doesn't move quite yet. he knows you well enough. he listens as your footsteps draw nearer, and you pass in front of him as quickly as you can before throwing yourself onto the opposite end of the couch. it's enough to make him raise a brow--usually you'll sit next to him because you like being close to him--but he can't take his eyes off the tv screen quite yet.

"everything okay?" he says as he pulls one side of his headset back, and then he already hears changbin and jisung responding. "not--not you guys. hold on, i'll still be here--" he mutes his mic, and looks over to you. "babe?"

you curl in on yourself, frowning. "not really."

"you wanna talk about it?"

"you're busy--"

he shoves his headset down so it hangs around his neck. "i can multitask. once we're done with this, i'll stop, alright?"

you pout and he sees it from the corner of his eye. "i don't want to bother you."

"you aren't," he promises. "i'm listening."

"it's just... more of the same-old." you shift so you're a little closer to him. "feeling like some of my friends are closer with each other so i'm just kind of playing fifth wheel, platonically. other friends not listening to me when i speak meanwhile i feel like i file every little fact away..."

he's heard it before. he looks up, and he sees how upset you are, and he debates for a moment. he's going to play again with changbin and jisung this weekend... surely they can carry on without him? he pulls up his headset, unmutes, and says he's gotta go. all it takes is him mentioning your name for them to stop teasing him: felix wouldn't be ditching them if it weren't somewhat serious. he logs back out, and turns over, moving in to wrap his arms around you.

"hey." he smiles. "i love you. you wanna go out?" he says. "we can get dinner. talk more. maybe walk by the river?"

he knows you well: getting out helps. and walking by the river always helps you open up more. you peck his lips as you get up to find your shoes.

at least felix has your back when you need it the most.

#nonranghaes.thoughts #nonranghaes.skz #stray kids x you #stray kids x reader #stray kids imagines #stray kids imagine #lee felix x you #lee felix x reader #felix x you #felix x reader #you ever have friends who feel like theyre closer w /each other/ #and you're just kinda... there? #yeah i left a friend thing tonight because i was tired of feeling like a fifth wheel #plus my other friend just kinda accidentally proved that she doesnt rly listen when i talk abt my interests #meanwhile i always try to engage her with her own and im like. oh right we had this problem before #and nothings changed bc i just deluded myself into thinking it did #i need a felix tbh i feel like he'd listen attentively to the ppl around him. chris too tbh. #very 'ur interests might not be my interests but i care about you so i'll listen'

[ddarker-dreams]

chrollo gets you ice cream on the sole condition that he can feed it to you.

#canon #no waffle cones… it’s always in a cup #if you try to bat the spoon away like a cat his reflexes make it impossible to land on the target #(he takes a bite first so he can delude himself into thinking you’ve kinda kissed) #yandere chrollo x reader #chrollo brainrot #concepts

[yugocar]

truly one of my favorite consistent writing choices in succession is that whenever there is something with massive (political or otherwise) implications at stake; the roys always argue about a dynamic they established as children.

#succession #like im not phrasing it well but i just love that for most of the decisions #there is a lot of posturing and business interests and what not #and then ALWAYS when it comes to being even remotely genuine #the siblings bring up something that happened while they were children #HE BUILT YOU A PLAYGROUND AND YOU THOUGHT IT WAS THE WORLD #or w/e she said #its simultaneously moving because it thrusts into your face #the abuse these people experienced #while also reminding you how incredibly selfish and deluded they are #making decisions that will effect millions of people because of their own trauma #their own interests #its great stuff #and also is just a great representation of family dynamics #with siblings i swear to god it doesnt matter if you are 12 or 35 #its always about something that happened when you were kids

[flickerintwilights]

I just need to get this out because it jumped me when I wasn’t looking and now I have to. So. Ahsoka. episode 5. really said you can always start over (perhaps it is time to begin again). you are more than your past. you can reconcile with it; let it go, and then move forward. it is never the end. as long as you keep on fighting, there is always hope and there is always a future. it is a bright one and an uncertain one. it is up to you to choose what kind of future it will be, and it is up to you to keep choosing. (i choose to live.) it is never the end. someone will hear you out of everything. someone will find you. so long as you choose, so long as you trust, so long as you believe that it is better to move forward than to never move at all, it is never the end. it is never the end.

#ahsoka #hopepunk #like it really WAS and i love it actually because i always love hopepunk themes lmao #this is also kinda about the light motif. ngl. or i am deluded into believing there is a light motif because of pretty light shots #star wars

[musicalcompanions]

Do you know a character I'd love to see in Good Omens? Lilith.

#good omens #Write her right and you could have great discussions about how twisted heaven truly is and showcase a manipulative Satan #It would also create a mirror character to Crowley #they'd both question their assigned roles by God #find their rebellion in Satan and then pay the price for it. #and when i say lilith i dont mean like make her satans wife #but show that more people have questions #and are just playing for their own team #after being disappointed by both hell and heaven #this is almost a fic plotted out in my notes lol #ive always wanted to see her portrayed as a woman who just refused to lay with a man she didnt love #then got somewhat deluded by lucifer as he was the only whod listen #and ended up cast out of eden and turned into the first demon

[pansyofthesouth]

Did Mac ever come out to Mrs Mac? 💀

I'm almost certain that she doesn't give a shit, but still I can't stop thinking about him being nervous to tell her, her grunting after he told her and him taking it as an "I love you and accept you" 😭

Such a tragic man

#Mac Mcdonald I envy your ability to delude yourself #IASIP #it's always sunny in philadelphia #mac mcdonald

[butmakeitgayblog]

She's alive ✊

#alycia debnam carey #i commented on her last post yesterday that we missed her and were starting to forget what she looked like #do I think she saw it? #no #amd I going to delude myself into believing she did and posted this because of my plea? #Yes. #I'll take it potato quality and all #this is what I mean when she's always pure 'ugh fine here' energy when she posts 😂 #and I love her more for it

[softobytwt]

#hey guys its me im going to explain the joke on the second image. #the joke is that as you see it isnt the protagonist themselves saying the phrase but rather their evil angry twin antagonist #who happens to always delude them. so now the phrase its not just a phase gets a new meaning as their evil twin is trying to delude them mor #see you later this was another successful explanation of a joke #toby art yo #protagonist lore tag #oc #original art #original character #artists on tumblr #art

[d0vegum]

saw two alt people that r probably around my age and immediately googled “how to approach cool people without seeming like a loser”

#the autism is getting to me sorry idk how to do this #my mind is literally going pls approach me pls talk to me over and over #it’s always the annoying teenagers who delude themselves that i can be their friend and never the cool ones augh #autism #francis’ thinkings #man i just want to make friends

[fatalism-and-villainy]

“Primavera” is not a favourite episode of mine (not just in it being of a piece with my overall dissatisfaction with how Abigail was handled, but that’s certainly part of it). But - especially after watching the audio commentary - I really appreciate what they were going for with it. (That’s a sentiment I frequently have re: season 3 - I can’t ever say the concepts weren’t great.)

Because I love the way it plays with the concept of imagined worlds, and forking paths-style alternate realities, and with the implication that Will believes in the multiverse (“what I believe is closer to science fiction than anything in the Bible”). The show in general really ran off with the mind palace conceit from the books and honed in on the vivid, immerse potential of imagination. Mentally constructed realities, like Will’s imagining of the murders, often play as more richly saturated, more real, than reality. And the seductive power of imagination often crashes up against its perils - like in Will hallucinating killing Abigail near the end of season 1, another moment that plays with the unsettling inability to differentiate what’s real and what isn’t.

The first three episodes of season 3 are deliberately immersive, right off the bat - the broader plot and stakes of the story are ignored at first in lieu of dreamy, atmospheric character pieces that foreground their own fantastic elements and constructed potential (Hannibal saying “once upon a time” [cue curtains opening]; “all sorrows can be borne if you put them in a story”; etc.). But “Primavera” is perhaps the most immersive (and therefore disorientating) of all of them. Because, yes, plenty of the events “actually happen” within the world of the show - Will going to Palermo, meeting Pazzi, almost encountering Hannibal, etc. But it’s possibly the closest we come to spending an entire episode inside a character’s head - instead of just seeing flashes of Will’s imaginings, all of the events feel like they’re being viewed through his eyes, and what’s real gets subsumed within the fantasy he’s spinning for himself.

Not just in the presence of Abigail, although Will constructing everything he experiences through the lens of this alternate reality in which she survives is a big part of that effect (and the uncanny qualities of their first conversation aren’t even apparent until “Aperitivo” two episodes later, when Chilton has the same lines Abigail had, and you realize that you’re retroactively seen Will’s wishful thinking playing right before your eyes). But the chapel itself feels unreal, knowing as we do that it’s the lobby of Hannibal’s mind palace, and that Will feels closer to Hannibal there. Given how near-claustrophobically character-centric the episode is, and how so much of the action is confined to its interiors, the chapel doesn’t feel like a real place so much as a projection of Will’s thoughts and imaginings re: Hannibal.

I often see speculation that a season 4 would have included a lot of mind palace content, and I think this episode is one of the clearest indications of how they might have wanted to push the envelope further with the show’s concepts there. Specifically, I think the alternate realities conceit that gets touched on would have featured more heavily - not in the sense that the show would have gone full science fiction (Bryan was always determined to keep the supernatural elements ambiguous and symbolic), but in the sense that it would delve deeper into the tension that always existed between whether what we were seeing was real, or a hallucination, or just the product of a very vivid imagination - not just through individual images, but entire affective and experiential planes. So much of season 3 feels transitional to me, like the show untethering itself from the police procedural format and pivoting fully towards experimentalism. This episode feels like a trial run at that.

#hannibal #hannibal meta #primavera #this got longer than expected (my slogan) #i think also... the tension between hallucination and imagination is like #the way this episode plays it it feels like will was always aware that abigail was dead #and was purposefully maintaining the illusion otherwise #he's not surprised at all just resigned #which is why it never feels quite right to call her a 'hallucination' #and after the encephalitis is treated the show is deliberately unclear whether will is actually 'seeing' his visions #or if they're just visual symbolism for the viewer representing more abstract though processes #or just something in between #but this feels different and more deliberate. actively wielding his imagination #in kind of a questionable self-deluding way #will graham #hannibal talk

[gameboyhamazing]

one of the most horrifyingly existential things about kingdom hearts to me is the fact that nobody leaves anything behind when they die

#yes i know keyblades are left behind and belongings and etc etc #but also like. have we ever seen a dead body in kingdom hearts that was legit AND permanent #that didn't just fade into sparkles or darkness or whatever #and by that logic #have we ever been able to confirm a death that nobody actually witnessed themselves? #technically there could have always been a chance that every death nobody was sure of just...didnt actually happen #but also there's always a chance that every death that wasn't certain was in fact a death #and that ambiguity is weirdly terrifying to me #how can anyone know if you're okay if nothing would be left behind when you weren't? #if you want to hope against hope when one person claims to have killed another #all you have to do is claim that the proof is wrong #that the belongings are stolen or that there's no evidence the other person is dead #and you have successfully deluded yourself in a way that can't easily be disproved afaik #it's just kinda scary to me man #kingdom hearts

[craycraybluejay]

im attracted to abstract concepts found in morbidly perverted things

#the kind of mental illness you only unlock when you have someone else to make yoy specially ill you know? #someone who makes you sick in a way thats truly rare and unusual #normal and good and whatever are boring #but there's a charm to a twisted up web of fringe ideas and terms that can barely begin to describe #idk maybe bc im schizo i just assign extra meaning to things that 'arent that deep' #but idk there are unique beaties only i can notice and maybe its horror but its beautiful too #and there are never enough words #other than 'i am disgusting and you are my muse' #to look at someone and just in that one moment there is a universe of unnamed emotion in looking at them #and its not stuff like Being In Love most of the time #its more like. wow theres something so wrong with you. wow your hair looks so beautiful in this angle. wow.. wow #wow you chew really interesting. your opinions are horrible. i can fix you. i want to make you worse #in a millisecond its like having lived an entire life staring at this one person #and thinking a million bundled twisted twined thoughts of them #and always the best word you can really grab for it is WOW #im in awe with whatever the fuck my brain just did in response to the existence of You #and quite possibly it will never do that again #its not like in loveness or like some weird limerence #but in this one singular point in time You fascinate me beyond comprehension #the pores in your skin fascinate me. what you had for dinner fascinates me. #another good word is enthralled.. enraptured.. deluded.. religious #i can tell you the falling in love on acid phenomenon is like this but ten times less or more than ten less #i know bc ive had that #but conceptually it feels similar

[greenishness]

i could never live in the us or generally a place where warm friendliness is the default treatment of strangers i would keep falling in love with medical receptionists if they didn't make it clear that they want me dead

#every time i'm in the us i get deluded about my own sex appeal sooo bad i always think i'm the hottest woman in the country #simply bc every1 is so nice to me.. like omg you want me so bad 🤣 but three minutes later they've forgotten about me #keep getting my heart broken by random strangers over there!!! don't be nice to me if you dont mean it i'm sensitive #BUT. it is my conviction that i am hotter by us standards than central european standards.