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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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House of Mouse: Mickey and the Culture Clash (Commission by WeirdKev27) or “What the Hell, Clarabelle?”

Hello, hello, hello... I wish I could say I was in good spirits but i’m tired, have covid induced chills running down my spine.. and oh yeah there was an armed insurrection i the captial last night that showed just how broken this country was. And while Monster Bash would still be relevant... I couldn’t do it. I admit to being unable to do an episode where the millitant racist nutjob who harms people runs off into the night, and does much worse in later episodes, while the people she harassed are arrested the night after a bunch of millitant, racist, sociopathic, selfish nightmares sieged the captial, killed a woman, raised the fucking maga flag over the buildling and took pictures like they were goddamn heroes. We got a stark reminder, not a wake up call, not an opening a REMINDER of just how badly broken our country is last night, and it wasn’t till this morning I found out just how BAD it was. The deaths, the flag, the fact josh fucking hawley, MY STAT’ES SENATOR and registered piece of shit, raised A FUCKING FIST IN SOLIDARITY, which gives me the crippling fear his stupidity and unabashed racisim and support of a cou could mean riots at best and attempted uprisings at worst and who knows what kind of hate crimes against those of color and those in my own queer community. I am afraid, tired, and I am pissed and I feel we could ALL use something wholesome, warm and far removed from the shit going on. And in my hour of need to figure out something like that to put on the schedule.. Kev brought up a wonderfufl idea. Every month this month till the end of it Kev is going to comission one episode of a show near and dear to both our hearts that has it’s 20th birthday this month. House of Mouse. He was intitally going to request Pete’s One Man Show, which is one of my faviorites, but was ironcially one I already planned to cover next month to celebrate both the show’s anniversary and Pete’s Birthday. But since he was happy to wait till then to comission it, he instead asked for another classic and one with easily my faviorite character on the show: Moritmer Mouse.

One of the best things House of Mouse did was bring back Mortimer Mouse. Introduced in Mickey’s Rival, Mortimer was an ex of minnies who showed up for one short to be a dick to mickey before running off and leaving Minnie at the mercy of a bull he pissed off. He also weirdly kept electrodes and a car battery in his pants. The short itself is.. not great mostly because Minnie dimissies Mickey rightfully being pissed someone is hitting on his girlfriend in front of him, making jokes at his expense, and generally being a pillock as being jealous... which yeah, yeah he is. Most of the time jealousy and supscison of your partner is ugly, gross and damaging to a relationship. You should trust them unless you’ve been given good reason not to, and if your paranoidly jealous about every friend she has she could be attracted to.. get some fucking help. Seriously, I need to, not for this for various other problems, but get some therapy to help with your trust issues or if your just being the kind of dick who naturally assumes men and women or men and men or women and women or men and nonibinary persons, or women and nonbinary peeps and so on and so on cannot be friends if they could possibly be togehter romantically... grow up. I say all of that because those are serious underlying issues and I didn’t want it to seem like for a moment I was supporting them... and because sometimes i’ts OKAY to be jealous, to either just feel a little jealous of someone, or to you know be irate because your girlfriend’s ex is hitting on her in front of you and she’s being entirely receptive to it.

So yeah i’ts really hard to feel bad for minnie’s bull attack or find the ending sweet after Minnie was you know, what ramona said for an entire short. However my point for this rant, besides giving out about the short again because I clearly didn’t enough in my Mickey Birthday Special, is that Mortimer is still pretty great. He’s a frat bro in the 40′s sense sure, but the idea of a local douche hoping to swoop in and woo minnie away, who has an oddly specific sense of humor and a bizzare, memorable and wonderful walk, seriously the short is worth watching for mortimier’s “I got two car batteris in my pants’ walk, is a good one. While he’d naturally show up in comics and what have you Mortimer just sort of vanished. But clearly someone on the House of Mouse staff, and Mousewerks before it, agreed because Morty was made easily one of the best and most recurring characters in the HOM, and often more prominent than Horace or Gus. While he still tried his old “I’m gonna do your common law wife act” a few times he was mostly there to be an annoying douche when the ep needed one and to be taken down a peg by everyone in the house. And that VERY MUCH includes Mickey. That’s also part of why I love this show bringing him back: It gives Mickey someone besides pete to give out too on a regular basis. He’s still his charming self about it but it’s lovelyt os ee Mickey sarcastically roast someone. And I honestly attribute the main factor of his sucess on the show to VA Maurice LaMarche. While his original VA, Sonny Dawson, was fantastic.. it’s Maurice who very clearly made the character his. While others like Jeff Bennet have taken over since i’ts Maurice who gave him his signature “ha-cha-cha” catchphrase, swagger and signiture voice. And no i’ts not lost on me that one of Maurice’s OTHER best roles is another cartoon mouse.. and I now very badly want him to meet Pinky and the Brain. But yeah, Maurice just oozes the smarm that defines mortimer for me, oozes condescinon and assholery and he, is., glorious. He was a faviorite as a kid, he’s a faviorite now, and Disney needs to use him more.. and also have Maurice voice him for wonderufl world of mickey mouse, though Jeff Bennett is not bad at all I just prefer the master at the role.

So obviously, after the nightmare of an evening america had yesterday, an episode not only about how wholesome mickey and minnie are but about Mickey teaming up with Mortimer was EXACTLY what i needed. So pitter patter, this is Mickey and the Culture clash. As always for house of mouse i’ll be chonking it up and since this one starts right with the wraparound, and sicnce you know I spent a godo few pagraphs going over mortimer and he’s only IN the wraparound this episode... let’s start there

Mickey and the Culture Clash: Don’t Go Changin, To Try and Please Me So we open the episode and the review proper with Mickey performing a banjo sernade for Minnie, their song in fact. It’s a really sweet scene.. that’s quickly ruined by Clarabelle being an asshole, who says i’ts a bit crude. Minnie counters that while “It’s not mozart”, it’s nice and she clearly likes it and the gesture. Instead of you know leaving it there like a good friend, like she’s SUPPOSED to be to Minnie in most continuities, Clarabelle.. takes the things she said and her having to run out to wrangle pluto out of context, painting it as her thinking he’s not sophisticated and then running out because of it. Oh and she tops it by pointing to a classified add from a MM looking for sophisticated companionship.

It just paints Clarabelle not as Minnie’s friend or a chatty gossip, but as a heartless bitch who has no trouble implying one of her best friends would cheat on her boyfriend TO HIS FACE, and is fine wrecking a perfectly lovely relationship just to have more to talk about. Seriously she starts gossiping to everybody on top of it just in case you thought Clarabelle was a decent person in any shape this episode. She’s the one thing about this episode that dosen’t work despite being integral to it.. well two but hte other thing is a small, end of episode gag we’ll get to. This.. this is an integral part of the plot. It also relies on Daisy and Donald being absent for the episode for what I can only assume is their annual sex decathalon because otherwise the second she heard about her friend doing this, before reassuring Minnie, Donald would be holdiing her while Daisy beat the absolute shit out of her for hurting thier closest friend and not bothering to take a look into anything when leveling such a rough accusation at Minnie. In a really stellar, really well paced episode, Clarabelle being so heartless stands out. It’s also, might as well get this out of the way, teh final episode not inlcuding the two holiday specials.. and it’s a good note to go out on otherwise, I just can’t ignore the obnoxious cow in the room.. in both senses of the word.

So yeah Mickey’s trying to be fancy, and Mortimer gets a good dig in about him reading “You having trouble sounding out the words”, but once he hears what’s going on, or rather once he realizes mickey things Mortimer’s personal add is in fact his girlfriend cheating on him, he decides to help Mickey. And to his credit for this con.. Mortimer actually thought things out on how to trick his rival, and his plan here is douchey as hell but incredibly genius: he offers to help mickey and while that’d normally be suspcious he offers a genuine, and very mortimer explination for helping him become a bit more sophisticated to win minnie back: if Minnie finds a handsome, sophisticated guy to date, what chance does MORTIMER have against that? At least with Mickey, in his deluded egocentric view of things anyway, he has a shot at beating him.

So Mickey classes it up a bit, taking some sopshitcated stances when announcing and trying to woo minnie by talking in ye olde english. When that fails, she just finds it silly but charming, Mickey finds Jose.. hitting on her.

Just.. I expect better from you man. Woo ladies all you like as long as your respectful but I expect better than to hit on someone else’s girlfriend.. which granted he has but given the last time we saw him do that, he nearly got stabbed a bunch and the last time he agressively hit on a woman he got punched in the beak as he should, you’d THINK he’d of learned something. Seriously once again Donald is only missing because this time Daisy would be holding Jose down while Donald hit him. Or possibly they’d take turns. Point is Jose REALLY shoudln’t be doing this and knows better.. marginally. But.. it is in character enough so ti’s not as bad as Clarabelle the homewrecker.

So Mickey tries being fancy and goes on to do poetry instead of letting O’Malley and the Alley Cats play.. which is a nice running gag the series does as they NEVER get to play.. which while funny is a shame since I love the Aristocats. So then we finally get what Mortimer’s been playing at, he swoops in, claims MICKEY dosen’t need HER, and uses the same personal add to trick her. See, while what Mortimer’s doing is vile.. unlike clarabelle I can repsect it at least. I don’t condone it and i’m glad he gets foiled.. but as a bad guy plan it’s pretty clever and for someone like Mortimer whose usually pretty incompitent.. it’s pretty suprising he could pull this off. It’s still pretty damn low and scummy, no question, but props to being able to outwit and nearly outplay two people who deal with your crap on a regular basis and still convincingly conning both. Thankfully while he tries to take Minnie out Mickey, in a great visual gag, puts two and two together, and busts out their song, with Mickey and Minnie heartwearmingly reuniting on stage as seen above. Then we get that gag I mentioned not liking: Mickey gets Morty back by planting a false marriage proposal from Moritmer to Clarabelle, again under MM and he gets carried off.. HAHA HE’S BEING FORCED INTO A MARRIAGE HE DOSEN’T. LAUGH. LAUGH AT IT. The gag just really hasn’t aged well, as otherwise it’s clever Mickey used Mortimer’s own trick against both him and the person who caused all of this but really.. Clarabelle gets no real compuance. At worse sshe finds out she was tricked.. but she again you know tried to break up her close friends relationship for shits and giggles. But .. it’s at the very end of the episode and very easy to ignore, so it dosen’t really bother me too bad, and compared to some gags of the type i’ve seen, it could be MUCH worse. Overall this wraparound is one of the series best and a good one to go out on. it has a simple premise, a brilliant antagonist plot, some great bits from all involved, and even a great Belle and Beast cameo. All in all a really good wraparound only hampered by a sexist and dated ending and Clarabelle being portrayed as ...

She’s the worst, in the world. Okay onto the shorts.

Mickey’s Piano Lesson: That was a Fun One

It really was. It’s a simple premise: Minnie wants MIckey to do a piano recital and he decides “I don’t need practice i’m mickey mouse. “ And it’s REALLY nice to have a short that has, rather than aw shucks mickey, shenanigans mickey. While thanks to the new shorts we’ve had tons, it’s still nice to get one in the House of Mouse era, and it’s just fun to see Mickey take the usual donald roll of letting his overconfidence punch him in the face> It fits both though: Both are everyman and while I lean towards the duck, to no one’s shock, Mickey is just as capable, and his lack of practice comes off less like the angry and hostile way donald would dismiss it and mroe just loveable procastination. And as someone who REALLY struggles with procastination I related to this short, as Mickey does everything else he’d rather do from bathing the dog to skydiving till Minnie, in a great bit informs him everyone from the president, to several dignitaries from other countries, to a televised audience will see. We then get two really great and really beatuifully animated bits as MIckey wrestles with the notes on thep age then fights with his piano as he performs, still pulling it off but destroying the thing and rightfully earning a glare form his girlfriend. Just a fun, slapstick short with a great premise.

Dance of the Goofys: Scary Children Set to classical music, this one has a bunch of goofys as Fairy’s, who are making the flowers go and the one who sleeps in ends up saving the king from a horrifing looking little brat. He reminds me of Montanna Max a bit.. speaking of which Creer Summer recnetly announced Elmyra won’t be in the reboot. And while this does make me fear actually good characters like Fifi, Montana Max, and more will be cut like the animanics reboot and I do feel for Cree not getting to be involved and hope they find another roll for her as, given her status in the industry she deserves better.. THANK FUCKING GOD. I’ll go into this in another review I have planned for the future but unlike the cuts made to animaniacs this was a REALLY good decision i’m really greatful for. Thank you crew thank you.

Back on topic, it’s just a fun, really beautifully animated short about the goofies and hteir shenanigans with a really great high concept.

Maestro Minnie: Brahm’s Lullabye: Simply Irresitable Another simple but clever and lovely to watch one, and one I like quite a bit more. Minnie is conducting some living violins to Brahm’s Lullabye to get a baby Violin to sleep, and we get some really beautiful shots of her as she does so.. only to get comically interuppted by other insteruments turning up the noise. Not much to say on this one as it’s short and simple.. but sometimes short and simple is just what you need and the fun premise nad really beautiful especially for tv animation at the time visuals really sell this one. ONce again, good stuff.

Overall: This was a REALLY good note to go out on. While as I said the Clarabelle stuff can eat my entire ass, everything else is really damn good and I highly recommend checking this one out. Next time, in about a month, we’ll be looking at Pete’s spotlight episode for his birfday. While you wait tommorow we have my first look at legend of the three cabs. But for now, goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

#house of mouse #mickey mouse #minnie mouse #mortimer mouse #clarabelle cow #donald duck #daisy duck #goofy goof #mouseworks #maurice lamarche #mickey's culture clash

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ablogthatishenceforthmine · 4 years

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Thoughts on Ava’s Betrayal in “Trust”

In “The Promise,” when Boyd asks Ava why she betrayed him and attempted to kill him, she tells him that it was because it’s what she thought he would do. While I think this is true, I also believe there is more to it than that. Ava realized what Boyd hasn’t, what Boyd can’t: their relationship is beyond repair.

Ava is able to see and face this fact because her love for Boyd is much simpler, and grounded than Boyd’s love for Ava is. Now, that is not to say that Ava’s love is greater than Boyd’s because it’s not. It just means that her love is less complicated and more straightforward than his.

Boyd needs their love to be larger than life. He needs them to have this epic love story. He needs their relationship to be mythologized.

Boyd needs to romanticize himself so that he can be okay with what he does. After Raylan shoots him and he almost dies, Boyd is no longer comfortable with being so cold-blooded and senselessly violent. But throughout the series, he fights with that part of himself. He enforces a code on himself, although he seems to constantly change it. He still pursues a life in crime, still commits murder, and acts in other violent ways, but there are lines he says he won’t cross...until he does.

So, after his near death experience, in order to do these things, he needs build and believe in this mythology around himself. He will say and believes he’s an outlaw, not a criminal, showing how he needs their to be some romantic or mythic notion to his criminality.

And that’s where Ava plays a large part. She and their love give him something larger to be a part of, something larger to fight for. He can use it to tell himself that everything he does doesn’t come from pure, selfish greed; he’s doing it for Ava, for them and their love, for their future. He building instead of destroying. That’s not to say that these goals are false. They’re not. And he repeatedly puts Ava before selfish greed, but their epic love story is part of the outlaw mythology that he needed to establish for himself.

Now that’s not to say that Boyd’s love for Ava isn’t real, or that he’s just using her. It’s that their relationship and his love for her provides him with something more than just love. If all Boyd wanted was someone to love in order to provide this function, he could have picked anyone. But he fell in love with Ava, and he makes that love central to how he views himself.

Ava and her love for Boyd doesn’t have the these complications. She doesn’t need Boyd for her sense of self, or to make her feel okay about who she is and what she does. She just loves him. Simple. But because Ava doesn’t need Boyd for her sense of self its easier for her to see that their relationship is beyond repair. Boyd can’t see it because he needs their love or his whole sense of self will fall apart. But because Ava’s love for Boyd is so grounded, she is able to see their relationship in season 6 for what it and and would it could become.

Also, Ava has been in an abusive relationship, with Boyd’s brother no less. Bowman is brought up a lot this season, more than usual. He is often brought up in relation or comparison to Boyd. The season keeps reminding us that Ava’s been in an abusive relationship before, and she got out of it by shooting and killing him.

It’s why she can see the signs of where their relationship is heading, and gets out, earlier than she did with Bowman. After finding out that she has been snitching to Raylan, Boyd tells her that he trusts her but, he doesn’t. He treats her differently. He snaps at her. He yells at her. He manhandles her. He treats her as a subordinate. He treats her in a way he never has before.

No, none of this is anywhere close to Bowman’s treatment of Ava. But it’s definitely troubling and a deterioration of Boyd’s previous treatment of her. For all that Boyd is and all the terrible things he’s done, he was a good romantic partner to Ava. Hell, in seasons 2 to 4, they had one of the healthiest relationships I’ve ever seen on TV. They were open, honest, and transparent with each other. Ava tells Boyd that she wants to be involved, even if its dangerous, and that she doesn’t want him to hide anything from her. He respects her agency, and her wishes. He doesn’t hide anything from her, and involves her in his criminal enterprise. Compare this to Raylan and Winona’s relationship: Raylan tries to keep her sheltered from his job and the life he leads, and keeps things from her for own good. Boyd respects Ava’s decisions and her desire to be involved in his criminal enterprise. Ava and Boyd listened to each other and rarely every yelled at each other. They talked things out. They tried to always understand where the other was coming from, even if they didn’t agree with the others decisions. They trusted each other completely. Boyd valued Ava’s opinion. He conferred with her when making decisions. In short, take out the crime and the amorality, they had one incredibly healthy relationship. So when you compare Boyd’s previous treatment of her to his treatment of her in Season 6, the direction its heading is pretty concerning.

And Ava, having been a bad relationship before, sees the signs even if there is no outright abuse. Now, I don’t think and am not saying Boyd would have abused Ava if they had escaped with the money together. I’m just saying it would have been a bad, unhealthy relationship. The trust between them has been permanently broken. It is likely Boyd would continue to treat her in the same manner as described above. Further, for some time, Ava feared for her life from Boyd. She lived with the fear that he would kill her. Even through it turned out that she was wrong, and that Boyd wouldn’t and didn’t kill for her being a snitch, that doesn’t magically undo the time she spent fearing her would. Living like that, in fear of her life from her fiance, it changed her and them. And they can’t ever go back. Their relationship cannot recover through everything it went through in seasons 5 and 6.

Ava is able to see this, while Boyd has deluded himself that their relationship is salvageable. This is why Ava betrays Boyd, why she realigns with Raylan, and then shoots and attempts to kill Boyd. She knows that they have is gone. Maybe not the love, but the good relationship, the future they dreamed of. And it’s what she thought he would have done: the selfish, cold-hearted move that prioritizes self-preservation. It is self-preservation because she could see where their future was headed when he couldn’t, and that place was nowhere good, even if they escaped with the $10 million together.

#justified #ava crowder #boyd crowder #justified season 6 #boyd x ava #my posts #ablogthatishenceforthmine

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cirrocumulus-cloud · 6 years

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Mutsuki is irredeemable

...is a concept that would throw Kaneki under the bus.

Please let this sink in:

Mutsuki + Violent Behaviour = Irredeemable Sense of Self

then

Kaneki + Giant Centipede = Irrevocable Personal Destruction

It's math! Not really, but it's a stylistic way of presenting a story and Ishida's Readers walk into the same worldview that most of our characters currently hold close to them. That's deliberate.

The narrative paints Kaneki and the characters that are dear to him as the ones that we should feel sympathy for and we do. It comes with the package of being a main character.

Likewise it is entirely non-surprising that when we see Mutsuki lash out at Touka we feel an inherent need to protect Touka, not Mutsuki. This is a character that our protagonist loves and we have had an entire Manga more to develope a connection to her. It is no wonder that Readers pick Touka's side because the story is set up in a way that stacks everything against Mutsuki. We are supposed to feel antipathy for them because if we don't this entire confrontation crumbles. We aren't supposed to fight over who's side to take.

And the genius of that is that it puts us, the Readers, into the same place that our Save Kaneki Squad is in: It is a place that one should never pick, because it may be spoken from the heart but it hinders growth. Because neither Hide nor Tsukiyama nor Touka are trying to get Kaneki out of his terrible monstrous self to hold him accountable for his actions, they are doing so because they miss him.

Touka is a person who has the audacity to hold Mutsuki to a standard of responsibility that she doesn't even hold herself to. She's telling them to not get in the way, to not do anything, to stay out of it - while she, herself, is deliberately putting herself in danger even though she is pregnant. (Linkspooky has written a great post about this chapter, please check it out.)

Touka forgets that her dear husband is a giant Godzilla wannabe who ate child orphans and then wreaked havoc on Tokyo. All the innocent dead bystanders? Unimportant because she didn't know them. Maybe one of them was a regular at the :re cafe! Perhaps some of those dead civilians used to watch high class entertainment like theatre with Tsukiyama. Maybe some of those trampled and ripped apart people were Hide's classmates in university. Who knows? Our characters certainly don't bother to check out the emotional damage that has been caused by Kaneki for themselves. They’d rather grab metal detectors and dig him out like some pirate treasure.

Touka is only in a position where she can look down on Mutsuki because she is the thing that Kaneki wanted to protect; she is the reason why he lashed out. And Mutsuki also lashes out because they want to protect and because they want to make their feelings not heard but felt in a "you made me suffer" way, but they have been abandoned by Ken in favour of other people and have no one to fall back to because the rest of the Quinx do fuck all to keep Mutsuki from going bonkers. Urie is great at not keeping promises whatsoever (just look at how Shirazu's dead body is doing) and Saiko would prefer to sleep through the day than to actually do something about Mutsuki falling into a downward spiral.

What's the difference between lashing out because you have been abused and abandoned and having suffered abandonment and abuse and lashing out due to it? That's what both of them do, constantly.

The difference is that Kaneki has someone who he can call his and who he can protect (which is something Kaneki will always fall back to do and if he doesn't have such a person he becomes suicidal, just ask him about Hide) while Mutsuki has been abandoned by the person who they put all of their faith in living in. Mutsuki doesn't turn suicidal, they turn violent, but the inner resentment of them is so crystal clear that they confused Readers for ages about their gender. You have to hate yourself to a desperately high degree to resort to changing everything about you just so you aren't reminded of the bad people in your life.

What Mutsuki lacks is what kept Kaneki stable for a while. Which is, for Tooru, a perfect father figure that they can rely on. Which is something that Haise did for a while, only to then abandon Tooru outright without looking back. Mutsuki isn’t wrong when they accuse him of not caring.

Kaneki and Mutsuki have so many similarities between them. You can’t condone one behaviour and accept the other, no matter the circumstances for lashing out.

And the moment that Touka was threatened to be taken from Ken? That's when he threw all of his morals out the window and resorted to eating children. People with no agency. People like him. Not only that but he became what he hates and it's so incredibly dumbfounding to see all of these characters treat his destruction like an illusion that you can ignore.

They handle Kaneki's misdeeds as a Fata Morgana and that is incredibly selfish and shows just how little they actually care about the world around them. Getting Kaneki back isn't a plan to bring peace to the world, it is a plan to get a friend back. A friend who just killed a major portion of Tokyo and destroyed important infrastructure.

From a narrative standpoint we still stand with them, not with Mutsuki. But these are people who cannot fathom to throw an ounce of sympathy towards Tooru, even though they have suffered terrible losses. They saw almost their entire family get slaughtered, they got their face ripped apart, they witnessed their husband kill children when they themselves were desperately trying to protect children. And. It's. Kaneki's. Fault. Still the Kaneki Rescue Squad ignores all of these terrible events in favour of Ken - and that isn't healthy. Which leads us to a crossroad. These characters have suffered enough for it to last for a lifetime. These are the people that should care - the people who hold Kaneki up on a throne despite his misdeeds, and they show no concern for Mutsuki, a character who acts like Kaneki in more ways than one and acts as a foil to him.

If we assume that they are right in their way of viewing the world around them and Mutsuki especially, then we have to agree that yes, Mutsuki is irredeemable. And that means yes, Kaneki is also irredeemable. But we don't want that, do we?

We can also look at it this way: These characters are wrong for turning a blind eye on Ken and extremely limited in their worldview which leads to carefully picked out morals that hold up to no standard. And the implications if this is true are terrible. If characters like Touka fail to see sympathy and feel empathy for Mutsuki, then how do they expect the entirety of Tokyo to throw even a shred of acceptance Kaneki's way?

The people of Tokyo won’t care for Kaneki just like the Kaneki Rescue Squad doesn’t care for them. Murder is murder, as Mutsuki said ages ago. We should want to see an honest wish to do good from our characters, but we don’t get that because none of these people are trying to see past their own horizon.

If you want Ken to be given a second chance by Tokyo then you need to admit that Touka and Co. are deluding themselves. And if you want Kaneki to be redeemable by the story's standard then you should wish for Mutsuki to get a redemption arc, not a death sentence.

#tokyo ghoul #tokyo ghoul:re #tokyo ghoul meta #tokyo ghoul analyses #tokyo ghoul spoilers #tooru mutsuki #ken kaneki

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lyannas · 7 years

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It’s interesting to see how heroes change (or don’t change) throughout the books, because the people these characters idolize does say a lot about them. Like with Jon, we find out in his very first chapter who he considers to be his hero:

"Daeron Targaryen was only fourteen when he conquered Dorne," Jon said. The Young Dragon was one of his heroes. --Jon I, AGoT

Which is confirmed again in Jon’s memory of the game him and Robb would play where they pretended to be heroes of legend:

Every morning they had trained together, since they were big enough to walk; Snow and Stark, spinning and slashing about the wards of Winterfell, shouting and laughing, sometimes crying when there was no one else to see. They were not little boys when they fought, but knights and mighty heroes. "I'm Prince Aemon the Dragonknight," Jon would call out, and Robb would shout back, "Well, I'm Florian the Fool." Or Robb would say, "I'm the Young Dragon," and Jon would reply, "I'm Ser Ryam Redwyne." --Jon XII, ASoS

Except in this memory it’s Robb who claims the title of the Young Dragon, no doubt as a form of retrospective foreshadowing, since both Daeron and Robb took up the mantle of king while they were young teenagers and both died very young too. Regardless, it’s made clear that Jon adores these young heroes, these legends, these warriors, with his particular favorite being the Young Dragon. Even in ADWD, we see him bring him up again:

When Jon had been a boy at Winterfell, his hero had been the Young Dragon, the boy king who had conquered Dorne at the age of fourteen. Despite his bastard birth, or perhaps because of it, Jon Snow had dreamed of leading men to glory just as King Daeron had, of growing up to be a conqueror. Now he was a man grown and the Wall was his, yet all he had were doubts. He could not even seem to conquer those. --Jon VII, ADWD

Seeing Jon grow from “the Young Dragon was one of his heroes” to “he could not even seem to conquer [his doubts]” is such a poignant way of showing how much Jon had grown. Whatever confidence and naïveté he had before the Wall, disappeared with Jon’s post as Lord Commander. Despite the victories he’s had so far, he hesitates to compare himself to this hero, sees himself as only a shadow of conquerer that Daeron was. In other words, he’s grown up. Jon’s heroes are not his heroes anymore, they’re merely unattainable and reminders of how much he hasn’t done.

Another character who has the same sort of singular hero is Jaime Lannister. For him, it’s not a long dead king that’s his hero, but a knight he lived with and knew. His hero is Arthur Dayne, and he’s a man he brings up in his thoughts and conversations many times, particularly when he ponders knighthood and examines his own weaknesses as a knight. He states his worship of him rather clearly:

And me, that boy I was . . . when did he die, I wonder? When I donned the white cloak? When I opened Aerys's throat? That boy had wanted to be Ser Arthur Dayne, but someplace along the way he had become the Smiling Knight instead. --Jaime VIII, ASoS

Like Jon, he wanted to be his hero, but unlike Jon, he walked in the complete opposite direction of the path he should have taken. Jaime did not become the chivalrous and well-loved knight that Arthur was. He became someone selfish, he spurned his vows, and he was reviled as a Kingslayer. Jaime does not delude himself into thinking that he can ever be Arthur Dayne, not even in AFFC when he starts to take his first steps towards changing himself:

"The Sword of the Morning slew the Smiling Knight, my lady. Ser Arthur Dayne, a better knight than me." --Jaime IV, AFFC

He wondered what Ser Arthur Dayne would have to say of this lot. "How is it that the Kingsguard has fallen so low," most like. "It was my doing," I would have to answer. "I opened the door, and did nothing when the vermin began to crawl inside." --Jaime VIII, ASoS

Arthur, the better knight, slew the Smiling Knight that Jaime feels he had become. While Arthur does remain as a paragon of knighthood in Jaime’s eyes, he also has a new hero in his heart, though he might never admit it to himself.

Jaime sat alone at the table while the shadows crept across the room. As dusk began to settle, he lit a candle and opened the White Book to his own page. Quill and ink he found in a drawer. Beneath the last line Ser Barristan had entered, he wrote in an awkward hand that might have done credit to a six-year-old being taught his first letters by a maester:

Defeated in the Whispering Wood by the Young Wolf Robb Stark during the War of the Five Kings. Held captive at Riverrun and ransomed for a promise unfuffilled. Captured again by the Brave Companions, and maimed at the word of Vargo Hoat their captain, losing his sword hand to the blade of Zollo the Fat. Returned safely to King’s Landing by Brienne, the Maid of Tarth. --Jaime IX, ASoS

Jaime disparages Brienne, calls her stubborn and a wench, and yet is mystified by her innocence, her commitment to duty, and her ability as a warrior. It is not until after Jaime’s travels with Brienne do we begin to see change in Jaime, whose very first chapter begins with thoughts of Cersei. It pushes him to defend her, to saved her from being raped, save her from being gored by a bear, defends her honor to Loras (who had still believed her to be Renly’s murderer), and strikes Ronnet Connington when he speaks ill of her:

"Why, I went to Tarth and saw her. I had six years on her, yet the wench could look me in the eye. She was a sow in silk, though most sows have bigger teats. When she tried to talk she almost choked on her own tongue. I gave her a rose and told her it was all that she would ever have from me." Connington glanced into the pit. "The bear was less hairy than that freak, I'll—"

Jaime's golden hand cracked him across the mouth so hard the other knight went stumbling down the steps. His lantern fell and smashed, and the oil spread out, burning. "You are speaking of a highborn lady, ser. Call her by her name. Call her Brienne."

Connington edged away from the spreading flames on his hands and knees. "Brienne. If it please my lord." He spat a glob of blood at Jaime's foot. "Brienne the Beauty." --Jaime III, AFFC

Which one might consider the peak of irony because Jaime more often than not refers to Brienne as a wench, except for the day they part:

“There’s the stubborn stupid wench that I remember.”

She reddened. “My name is...”

“Brienne of Tarth.” Jaime sighed. “I have a gift for you.” He reached down under the Lord Commander’s chair and brought it out, wrapped in folds of crimson velvet. --Jaime IX, ASoS

Yet even when he calls her wench, it’s hardly out of hate. Jaime admires Brienne. The irreligious Jaime even gives her a sincere prayer:

Unbidden, his thoughts went to Brienne of Tarth. Stupid stubborn ugly wench. He wondered where she was. Father, give her strength. --Jaime I, AFFC

Watching Brienne become his modern-day heroine is just so satisfying. He moves away from worshipping only the dead, whether they be Arthur, or Gerold Hightower, or Rhaegar Targaryen, and finds someone amongst the living, a glimmer of hope, that inspires him. The dead are unattainable; the living are not. Jaime also gives Brienne a Valyrian Steel sword named Oathkeeper, which I can’t help but connect back to Arthur Dayne and Dawn. It seems to me that Jaime believes that every great hero has to have an incredible sword with a good name.

I’m sure there are others in the series that show this same sort of growth via their idols, but these two are the only two I can think of right now (and how fitting, because Jon and Jaime share some pretty interesting parallels IMO).

#jon snow #jaime lannister #brienne of tarth #asoiaf #meta #my meta

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tirtalks · 4 years

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A Glance of: Ego is The Enemy

The book Ego is The Enemy by Ryan Holiday is filled with cautionary tales of those who experienced ego at each of their stages in life: Aspiration, Success, and Failure.

This is not about ego in the Freudian sense, but the ego we most commonly see that goes by a more casual definition: an unhealthy belief in our own importance. Arrogance. Self-centered ambition. It’s the sense of superiority and certainty that exceeds the bounds of confidence and talent. The need to be better than, more than, recognized for –that’s ego.

Ego is the enemy that separates us from every direct and honest connection to the world around us. That’s why this book comes to help us to be humble in our aspirations, gracious in our success, and resilient in our failures.

To whatever you aspire, ego is your enemy

Don’t Talk, Talk, Talk –Act!

The more difficult the task, the more uncertain the outcome, the more costly talk will be and the farther we run from actual accountability.

So what is scarce and rare? Silence. The ability to deliberately keep ourselves out of the conversation and exist without any need to be validated. The only relationship between work and chatter is the latter kills the other –particularly early on in any journey.

To Be or To Do?

If your purpose is something larger than you –to accomplish something, to prove something to yourself- then suddenly everything becomes both easier and more difficult.

Easier in the sense that you know now what it is you need to do and what is important to you. The other choices washed away, as they aren’t really choices at all. It’s about the doing, not the recognition. It gets harder because each opportunity –no matter how gratifying or rewarding– must be evaluated along strict guidelines. Does this help me to do what I have set out to do? Does this allow me to do what I need to do? Am I being selfish or selfless?

To be or to do –life is a constant roll call.

Become A Student

The art of taking feedback is such a crucial skill in life, particularly on harsh and critical feedback. The ego avoids such feedback at all costs, whatever, ego is the voice that tells us we’re better than we really are. Ego dislikes reality and prefers its own assessment.

To become what we ultimately hope to become often takes long period of obscurity. Humility is what keeps us there, concerned that we don’t know enough and that we must continue to study. Become a student to place the ego and ambition in someone else’s hands.

Don’t Be Passionate

It’s all about passion. Find your passion. Live passionately. Inspire the world with your passion. Because we only seem to hear about the passion of successful people, we forget that failures shared the same trait.

Passion typically covered a weakness. Its breathlessness, impetuousness and franticness are poor substitutes for discipline, for mastery, for purpose and strength and perseverance. You need to be able to spot this in others and in yourself. While the origins of passion may be earnest and good, the effects are comical and then monstrous.

The critical work that you want to do will require consideration to pursue the purpose. Not passion. Not naivety.

Follow the Canvas Strategy

The Canvas Strategy is about helping yourself by helping others. Making a concerted effort to trade your short-term gratification for a longer term pay-off. Whereas everyone else wants to get credit and be “respected”, you can forget credit. You can forget it so hard that you’re glad when others get it instead of you –that was your aim, after all. Let the others take their credit on credit, while you defer and earn interest on the principal.

Once we fight this emotional and egoistical impulse, the canvas strategy is easy and the iterations are endless.

Restrain Yourself

Our own path, whatever we aspire to, will in some ways be defined by the amount of nonsense we are willing to deal with.

Up ahead there will be: Slights. Dismissals. One-sided compromises. You’ll get yelled. You’ll have to work behind the scenes to salvage what should have been easy. All this will make you angry and want to fight back. But don’t! Take it. Endure it. Quietly brush it off and work harder. Restraint is a difficult skill but a critical one.You will often be tempted. No one is perfect with it, but we must try.

Honestly, many paths would tolerate only restraint and had no forgiveness for ego.

Get Out of Your Own Head

Our imagination is dangerous when it runs wild. We have to rein our perceptions in. Otherwise, lost in the excitement, how can we accurately predict the future or interpret events? How can we stay hungry and aware? How can we appreciate the present moment?

Living clearly and immediately taking courage. Don’t live in the haze of abstract, live with the tangible and real circumstances, even if it’s uncomfortable. Be part of what’s going on around you. Feast on it, adjust for it.

There’s no one to perform for. There is just work to be done and lessons to be learned, in all that is around us.

The Danger of Early Pride

Actually, pride –even in real accomplishments– is a distractions and a deluder. Pride blunts the very instrument we need to own in order to succeed: our mind. Our ability to learn, to adapt, to be flexible, to build relationships, all of this is dulled by pride. Most dangerously, this tends to happen either early in life or in the process –when we’re flushed with beginner’s conceit. Pride takes a minor accomplishment and makes it feel like a major one.

Receive feedback, maintain hunger, and chart a proper course in life. We are still striving, and it is the strivers that should be our peers –not the proud and the accomplished ones.

At the end, this isn’t about deferring pride because you don’t deserve it yet. It isn’t “Don’t boast about what hasn’t happened yet.” It is more directly “Don’t boast.” There’s nothing in it for you.

Work, Work, Work

Fac, si facis. Do it if you’re going to do it.

Work is finding yourself alone at the track when the weather kept everyone else indoors. Work is pushing through the pain and crappy first draft and prototypes. It is ignoring whatever praise others are getting, and more importantly, ignoring whatever praise you may be getting. Because there is work to be done.

To whatever success you have achieved, ego is your enemy

Always Stay a Student

As we first succeed, we will find ourselves in new situations, facing new problems. But, with accomplishment comes a growing pressure to pretend that we know more than we do. To pretend we already know everything.

No matter what you’ve done up to this point, you better still be a student. To be the humble version of you who don’t assume, “I know the way”. If you’re not still learning, you’re already dying.

Don’t Tell Yourself a Story

Whatever we do, instead of pretending that we are living some great story, we must remain focused on the execution –and on executing with excellence. We must shun the false crown and continue working on what got us here.

Because that’s the only thing that will keep us here.

What’s Important to You?

This is how ego works: we’re never happy with what we have, we want what other people have too. We want to have more than anyone else. Ego sways and can ruins us. We started out knowing what’s important to us, but once we’ve achieved it, we lose sight of our priorities.

On an individual level, however, it’s absolutely critical that you know who you’re competing with and why, that you have a clear sense of the space you’re in. The more you have and do, the harder the maintaining fidelity to your purpose will be, but the more critically you will need to.

Find out why you’re after what you’re after. Ignore those who mess with your pace. Let them covet what you have, not the other way around. Because that’s independence.

Entitlement, Control, and Paranoia

The problem lies in the path that got us to success in the first place. What we’ve accomplished often required feats of raw power and force of will. Achieving success involved ignoring the doubts and reservations of the people around us. There are legitimate stresses and anguish that come with the responsibilities of our new life. But, ego will always be the worst enemy. Ego sways and can ruins every single pieces of our life.

We don’t have any entitlement to overstate our abilities. In other way, we need to control ourselves to don’t ever force anything to be done our way –even little things, even inconsequential things. Learn to trust people so paranoia won’t get us down.

Once our path lead us to success, we have to regularly remind ourselves of the limits of our power and reach: entitlement, control, and paranoia.

Managing Yourself

As you become successful in your own field, your responsibilities may begin to change. Days become less and less about doing and more and more about making decisions. Responsibilities requires a readjustment and then increased clarity and purpose.

It is not enough to have great qualities and abilities to do everything in our own field, we should also have the management of them.

Beware The Disease of Me

The Disease of Me begins once we think that we’re better, that we’re special, that our problems and experiences are so incredibly different from everyone else’s that no one could possibly understand. It’s an attitude that has sunk far better people, teams, and causes than ours.

Let’s make one thing clear: we never earn the right to be greedy or to pursue our interests at the expense of everyone else. To think otherwise is not only egoistical, it’s counterproductive.

Meditate on The Immensity

At least once in a lifetime, we would experience what the Stoics would call sympatheia –a connectedness with the cosmos. A sense of belonging to something larger, of realizing that “human things are an infinitesimal point in the immensity.”

When we lack a connection to anything larger or bigger than us, it’s like a piece of our soul is gone. No wonder we find success empty when we’re exhausted. In that moment, ego stands in the way. By removing the ego –even temporarily– we can access what’s left standing in relief. By widening our perspective, more comes into view.

Feel unprotected against the elements or forces or surroundings. Remind yourself how pointless it is to rage and fight and try to one-up those around you. Go and put yourself in touch with the infinite, and end your conscious separation from the world. Reconcile yourself a bit better with the realities of life. Realize how much events came before you, and how only wisps of it remain.

Let the feeling carry you as long as you can. Then when you start to feel better or bigger than usual, go and do it again.

Maintain Your Sobriety

In most cases, we think that people become successful through sheer energy and enthusiasm. We almost excuse ego because we think it’s a part and parcel of the personality required to “make it big.” Maybe a bit of that overpower is what got you where you are. But, we have to stay sober and control our ego.

Sobriety is the counterweight that must balance out the success. Especially if things keep getting better and better.

To whatever failure and challenges you will face, ego is your enemy

Alive Time or Dead Time

According to Greene, there are two types of time in our lives: dead time, when people are passive and waiting, and alive time, when people are learning and acting and utilizing every second. Every moment of failure, every moment or situation that we did not deliberately choose or control, presents this choice: Alive time. Dead time. Which will it be?

Dead time is revived when we use it as an opportunity to do what we have always needed to do. Think of what you have been putting off. Issues you declined to deal with, systemic problems that felt too overwhelming to address.

In life, we all get stuck with dead time. Its occurrence isn’t in our control. Its use, on the other hand, is.

The Effort is Enough

In life, there will be times when we do everything right, perhaps even perfectly. Yet the results will somehow be negative: failure, disrespect, jealousy, or even a resounding yawn from the world.

Depending on what motivates us, the response can be crushing. If ego predominates, we’ll accept nothing less than a full appreciation. With the right motives we can still pursue our success. With ego, we’re not.

Do your work. Do it well. Then “let go and let God.” That’s all there needs to be. Recognition and rewards –those are just extra. Rejection, that’s on them, not on us. Doing the work is enough.

Fight Club Moments

We surround ourselves with distractions, with lies about what makes us happy and what’s important. We become people we shouldn’t become and engaged in destructive, awful behaviors. This unhealthy and ego-derived state hardens and becomes almost permanent. The bigger the ego, the harder the fall.

In fact, many significant life changes come from moments in which we are thoroughly demolished, in which everything we thought we knew about the world is rendered false. But change begins by hearing the criticism and the words of the people around you. Even if those words are mean spirited, angry, or hurtful. It means weighing them, discarding the ones that don’t matter, and reflecting on the ones that do.

Draw The Line

People make mistakes all the time. We take risks. We messed up. We fight desperately and only making it worse. Ego kills what we love. Sometime, it comes close to killing us too

Let’s say you’ve failed and let’s even say it was your fault. Things happened and trouble is in anywhere. But most of them is temporary, unless you make them not so. Recovery is not grand, it’s one step ahead of the other. The only real failure is abandoning your principles.

Maintain Your Own Scorecard

This is the characteristic of how great people think. They don’t really care much about what other people thin, they only care whether they meet their own standards. And these standards are much, much higher than everyone else’s. A person who judges himself based on his own standard doesn’t crave the spotlight the same way as someone who lets applause dictate success.

Reflecting on what went well or how amazing we are doesn’t get us anywhere, except maybe to where we are right now. But we want to go further, we want more, and we want to continue to improve.

Always Love

We all have stuff that pissed us off. The more successful or powerful we are, the more protection we will need in terms of our legacy, image, and influence. There is only one best response to an attack or a slight of something you don’t like: love. Because hate will get you every time.

In failure or adversity, it’s so easy to hate. Hate defers blame. It makes someone else responsible. It’s a distraction too. Does this get us any closer to where we want to be? No. It just keeps us where we are –or worse.

Meanwhile, love is right there. Egoless, open, positive, vulnerable, peaceful, and productive.

Epilogue

Every day for the rest of your life you will find yourself at one of those three phases: aspiration, success, failure. You will battle the ego in each of them. You will make mistakes in each of them. You must sweep the floor every minute of every day. And then sweep again.

#psychology #book #self help #book summary

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ganglylimbs · 7 years

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Coping

Pairing: None

Summary: Jaune stares at his shield a lot. Jaune doesn’t sleep as much anymore. Jaune remembers to eat. Sometimes. Jaune doesn’t cry. (OK, that one’s a lie.)

Warnings: Unhealthy coping mechanisms. Sleep deprivation. Eating disorder. Friends helping each other cope.

Notes: I just wanted to write about Jaune being Not Ok, as well as everyone else, and how they help each other out.

Jaune stares at his shield a lot.

It had become a habit of his, even before the Fall. He would look at his shield and sword with stars in his eyes and apprehension in his stomach. Crocea Mors had been a big deal to his family, to him, a relic from his past that pushed him to be greater than he could dream.

At least that’s what he told himself.

Now...now Jaune sees it for what it really is. A weapon to be used in war. And a reminder of a friend that was lost.

That, more than anything, is why he stares at his shield now. Traces his eyes over the golden symbols, runs his hand down the sides, and remembers a time when he didn’t wake up dreading the day before him.

Jaune doesn’t sleep as much anymore.

He tried, he really did. But between his mind chasing thoughts that he couldn’t complete and the fear of what he would see behind his eyelids, there was little sleep to be had.

Eventually, Jaune got bored of dozing off, in that sweet in-between state, and waiting for the sun to rise. So he decided to put his time to better use. There wasn’t much to read out in the woods, and he was a shit drawer already without having to rely on sticks and mud, so the only thing left to do, really, was train. And train. And train.

One foot forward, one foot back. Center yourself. Then attack.

The videos had been a harsh surprise. He had honestly forgotten that Pyrrha had even sent them, what with all the running around they had undergone. But, after a frustrating night of trying to remember what he had been taught, he had given up instead to spend the rest of the night on his scroll.

And. There they were. And there she was.

Suddenly, Jaune found his inspiration again.

Jaune remembers to eat. Sometimes.

It wasn’t so much as he purposefully starved himself. More like, he had so many other things to think about that eating fell away to the side.

There are days, good days, when the sun is shining high and Ruby is laughing with Nora as Ren shakes his head, amused. Those days, he remembers, can even push down the gruel that they had scrounged together and ignore the way his stomach wished to throw it back up.

Then. There are the bad ones.

Days when the sky seems so much darker and he watches Nora and Ren huddle close together for support. Sees Ruby close herself off. How can he eat, when he has more important things to worry about, like keeping the team from falling apart?

How can he eat when it feels like forcing down steel knives that threaten to cut him open and show them all the emotions crashing inside of him?

Jaune doesn’t cry.

(Ok, that one's a lie.)

He doesn’t cry in front of them, or anywhere they can hear him. And he doesn’t cry for long. A few minutes, in which he had escaped from their curiosity by claiming a bathroom break, where he breaks down over the complete. Bullshit. That life had thrown his way.

He cries for Pyrrha, the girl who taught him everything. He cries for Penny, who didn’t deserve her fate. He cries for his school and all those who had lost their lives in some stupid power play that he didn’t, still after all this time, completely understand.

Jaune cries. And then he pulls his shit together. Wipes off his face. And goes back to his team. He still has a job to do.

Jaune stares at his shield a lot. As does Nora. As does Ren.

The first few times he caught them looking, he wanted to be angry. Felt that flare of white hot pain. Because when others acknowledged that she’s gone, it’s like Jaune can’t delude himself into thinking she’s not truly dead. That she won’t come back, won’t somehow pin him with her spear, won’t tell him sorry, and everything won’t be ok.

He pushes that emotion down, becomes disgusted with himself. Because Pyrrha was their friend too and how could he be so selfish as to want to be the only one to mourn her?

When he’s interrupted one day, while they’re resting and he’s sitting down staring, by Nora and Ren plopping down by him. Well. Jaune welcomes it.

The staring is silent at first, each one of them remembering their favorite memory of Pyrrha, and how this amazing woman had changed their lives. They remember days of studying and team dinners and when their biggest concern was not making themselves look like fools during the Vytal festival.

But of course, they can’t stay silent for long. Especially when one of them is Nora.

“Remember that time she completely wrecked Team CDNL in front of the whole class?”

Jaune can feel his mouth twitch into a smile. “Heh, yeah. Not as good as the time she beat Opal in that hand to hand combat simulation.”

He felt Nora nod from where she was leaning her head against his shoulder. “She really had us going, tricking everyone into thinking Opal had the upper hand.”

Nora hums. And then they’re silent again.

“No.” Ren pipes up, slightly startling the two of them. “The best fight was the cafeteria one we had with Team RWBY.”

Jaune smiles and Nora nods again. Soon, they’re sharing those stories of school life, laughing at all their past mistakes.

In front of them, the shield lays propped against a tree, gleaming in the sunlight. Almost forgotten.

Jaune doesn’t sleep as much anymore. So he trains. But he’s not the only one with sleep problems.

That night, he had gone through the training video more times than he could count, and he knows his body is exhausted. But he couldn’t stop. Couldn’t force himself to push the pause button and cut off her voice.

Panting, Jaune straightened his back and began again.

“You’re foot is too far forward.”

Jaune doesn’t scream as much as he lets out a small eep, spinning around with his sword in attack mode. But instead of an enemy, he’s met with Ruby. She half-smiles and gives him an awkward wave, Crescent Rose down at her side.

“Ruby?” And Jaune must be more tired than he thinks, blinking and staring dumbly at her. “What are you doing up?”

Ruby shrugs. “Bad dream.” Her voice isn’t as light as it usually is and Jaune can guess why.

“Nightmares?”

Ruby closes her eyes. “Something like that.”

They stand like that for a few seconds, waiting for the other to say something. They startle again, when the video rewinds and Pyrrha’s voice breaks the silence.

“You, uh, training?” Ruby asks.

Jaune looks down at his sword. “Yeah. Won’t get any stronger if I don’t do something about it, right?”

“Right.” Ruby hesitates again. “Would you mind...I mean...would it be ok? If I were to join you?”

“You want to join me?” Why? You’re already incredibly strong. Why would you need to train, with me of all people? He wants to ask, but doesn’t. He has some tact.

Ruby shrugs again. She seems more subdued than Jaune’s used to, less like the girl who was just making fun of his hoodie. “Yeah, well, couldn’t sleep and too bored to wait for the day to begin. What better way to pass the time than with some friendly training?”

Jaune has to blink again because oh. And hasn’t he heard that before. “Yeah, sure. You might get bored though. I’m still not very good.”

Ruby smiles and together they follow Pyrrha’s advice.

It becomes clear though, that staying up all night to train might not be the best idea when they have to spend the next day walking. So, they make a deal. If Ruby sleeps, then so does Jaune. It’s not perfect, and they don’t always follow it, but it works for them.

Jaune remembers to eat. And on the days he doesn’t, his friends are there to remind them.

It comes up one day, after they are all cozy in their bags with the fire still burning a little. The night was alive with noise, of crickets chirping and owls hooting. And Jaune’s stomach growling.

“Jeez, I can hear that all the way over here.” Nora teases. “Didn’t you eat today?”

“Of course I did.” Jaune immediately bushes off. Then he thinks about it. “I mean. I think I did?”

“Wait? What?” He can hear rustling from Nora’s side, as she moved around. Probably sitting up. “You don’t know?”

“...No?” And he honestly couldn’t remember. It had been a bad day. Ren had shut down after discovering the destroyed village and even Nora couldn’t cheer him up. They had breakfast, but it was more like they walked and ate bars as they contemplated their next move. Did Jaune eat his? Did he eat the dinner Ren had cooked? He couldn’t remember.

“Well, why didn’t you tell us.” And now Jaune could see her. She was rummaging through her bags. Letting out a small aha, she pulled out another one of their breakfast bars and threw it at him. “Here, eat. And let us know next time.”

Jaune stared down at the bar, that familiar anxiety rising up. Then he looked up to see them all staring at him.

He ate the bar.

Nora did not forget.

She would push food onto him, make sure he actually ate it. Jaune won’t lie, he resented her a little. He didn’t enjoy being pushed into anything. But Nora took his complaints in stride and continued to make sure he eat.

Ren and Ruby caught on.

They would be having a quick lunch, a small thing on the side of the road before they packed up and continue their walk, and Ren would ask Jaune if the thing he was cooking tasted ok. If he liked it and would like more?

(Jaune wasn’t completely obvlious to the way Ren would also add a little extra to his plate. Eventually, Jaune didn’t mind so much.)

Ruby had as much tact as Jaune himself did (which is to say, none at all) and would blatantly call out if Jaune wasn’t eating. It didn’t matter what they had dealt with that day or yesterday or what they would deal with tomorrow. It didn’t matter if it was a good day or a bad day. If Jaune did not touch his food, Ruby was more than willing to tell him so.

It’s still hard. Food still seemed to have lost it’s taste to him and it still feels like he’s eating knives. But the anxiety isn’t so bad anymore. Jaune will take it.

Jaune cries. About as much as everyone else does.

There are times when the whole camp can hear Nora cry. Loud, ugly sobs that no one can sleep through. Times when Ren and Ruby and him could comfort her. And then, there are times, when Jaune can’t sleep and he hears it. A soft, muffled sob. A little hiccup. Jaune sits and sees her, shoulders shaking as she tries to keep herself quite.

How can he do anything but go to her? How can he do anything but wrap his arms around her and let her cry into his shoulder?

With Ren, it’s harder to tell. The man usually has such a tight control over his emotions. Jaune wasn’t sure he even saw the guy get angry before. That doesn’t mean he’s a robot though, and Jaune can see the cracks forming.

Jaune can see the clench fists and frowns, the worried looks thrown at Nora when she’s not looking. And rarely, rarely, Jaune can see the glistening at the corner of his eyes before Ren pulls himself together. Jaune tries to reassure him as much as he can, puts his hand on Ren’s shoulder and squeezes. Hugs him, even if the other doesn’t hug back. Contact seems to be the best way of calming Ren down and Jaune does what he cans. He knows it’s not enough.

Jaune doesn’t know if Ruby cries.

At first, Jaune had took Ruby’s refusal to be sad as incredible strength. She kept going, no matter how many shitty things they walked into. She didn’t stop laughing, didn’t stop smiling. Jaune could admire her for that and pushed forward for her sake.

It wasn’t till she asked Jaune to start training together, did Jaune notice that she wasn’t as unaffected as she acted. Jaune could hear her gasp when she wakes up from a nightmare. Could see her tense anytime he made a swing for her in his training. And when she’d look into the distance, frowning and somber, Jaune knows she’s thinking of everything she lost. Jaune knows she cries but can respect if she doesn’t want to show that weakness in front of them.

He wishes he could do more for her. For now, all he can do is help her complete her goal.

Eventually, they make it to Mistral. Not without more pain and horror and nightmares being piled on to the ones already there. But they made it, by their own strength and victories.

And, as Jaune sits there with Nora’s head on his shoulder and Ren sitting nearby, he allows himself to think that he’s going to be ok. That they’re all going to be ok. There is still so much more for them to do, but for now, he has faith that they’ll make it through.

They can never go back to the way they were before. And Jaune will never be as “normal” as he was before. But he’s coping. And for now, that’s enough.

#jaune arc #ruby rose #nora valkyrie #lie ren #unhealthy coping mechanisms #should I be writing my other stories #yes #instead i wrote this

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