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erodasghosts · 3 years

Text

reverence | harry styles

description: where harry and y/n finally are made to face how they feel

warnings: none?

word count: ~7.6k

a/n: this took forever :) i have a love/hate feeling towards it honestly... let me know what you think!

masterlist

To talk about one’s feelings never seems to come easy. So much risk comes with making yourself so vulnerable, whether it is talking about how you feel after a loss or if it is admitting how you feel for another person. With love, you put your heart out on the table with hope that the other person will place their own heart right with yours, yet having not even the slightest clue as to what will happen.

There are people who will do this with ease, knowing that you have to risk it to even have the chance of a happy outcome. At the same time, there are people who will let the negative thoughts persist and take over, leading them to coware away from ever saying a word to the other. Both were understandable places to be, and both things could lead to a number of other possibilities.

A confession of love could lead to a happily ever after that so many people only ever dream of, and that would make all of the panic leading to it well worth the reward. But a confession could also be the darkest of possibilities to imagine, which kept so many people from doing anything. But it was so much more than just the idea of rejection, it was what came with that. What would happen to the relationship you had before? Would confessing be worth losing the person you care for most? It felt so much safer to just hold it in.

You had been offered countless opportunities to say how you felt, and each time you chose to bite your tongue. This occurred time after time, so often that it almost became a comfort to you in some way. As if you knew that you could think whatever, and you would likely never even hint that you had any more interest than as a friend because that was when you always ran. Right when things could get serious, right when you could potentially begin your happily ever after, you would run.

And running didn’t mean leaving, but it meant ignoring your feelings. Ignoring the truth, pushing it away in some lame attempt to make yourself feel better. You told yourself that your feelings would fade, it was only a temporary crush, one that you could grow out of. You would say that it was for the better to ignore your feelings, that you were saving yourself and Harry.

Because, really, what would a relationship with you and Harry even look like? Your mind did often consider it, the idea of being with Harry. Your relationship was already so tight knit, you weren’t exactly more would change if you were together. You had already shared kisses on the cheek, and spent late nights and early mornings holding one another as you laughed on and on about the most ridiculous of things. You had shared countless lazy mornings and had tightly hugged one another long enough to make the world around you fade out.

You could talk for days about the butterflies in your stomach when Harry would hold your hand, or kiss your knuckles, or even just when he did the simple action of resting his head on your shoulder. And it felt so dumb, but even the way he would look to you with the biggest smile would never fail to brighten your day. Things were already so delicate and sweet, you nearly didn’t dare to imagine that it could become sweeter.

It was nice to picture something so enchanting with Harry, but at the same time it was something you hated to do. You didn’t like allowing yourself to smile so fondly at his underwhelming dad jokes, or to feel so twitterpated at only the idea of a possibility, because those things would provide you with a hope that you didn’t have the luxury to hold.

Yes, your relationship with him was sweet now, and there seemed to be such great potential for things to get increasingly better, but you knew that a part of you had to still be realistic. Though, there is a difference between being realistic and being apprehensive. In truth, you were more of the second part.

You had fears about Harry, fears that seemed to easily mask any chance of a future relationship. You had wondered, did he ever feel the same? About any of it? Did he ever have butterflies in his stomach when noticing the way you looked at him? Had his heart ever turned into a syrup when you would hold him closely, and as if you may never get to again? The chance that he might’ve felt the same was there, and you couldn’t always deny that.

A happily ever after could be waiting just at the tips of your tongues, growing tired of being discarded time and time again. Maybe your feelings were being held in reserve for no real reason, only waiting for the three simple words to be shared. But was that maybe reason enough to take the risk of heartbreak?

That was a question you had avoided looking for any answer to, always challenging it with the argument that it was never the right time to think of such things. There was always something greater, wasn’t there? Always a reason to focus on anything but the issue that had built for what seemed like years now.

Fear had definitely kept you from saying anything on the matter for a great amount of time, but a part of you was growing tired of that fear. Was it so crazy to believe he might feel the same way for you? Or to even believe the bare minimum that he really had become more intimate with your interactions together? Because, yes, it made sense that he might if you were forthright.

What would that even look like? How could you know when it was ever the right time? You had gotten so good at making excuse after excuse that it was much easier to turn a blind eye than to recognize when you really did have an opportunity.

“You ready to go?” Harry peeked into your bedroom, “Or am I supposed to just wait another half hour?”

You were slightly startled by his voice, nearly forgetting that he had even been there. You had been keeping him waiting, getting so easily lost in your thoughts. His tone had a slight annoyance in it, though he was only doing it to tease.

You cleared your throat, “You were hardly waiting for ten minutes.”

“Felt like an eternity though,” he grinned, glancing over your outfit as you slipped on your shoes and walked out in the hall to meet him. “You look nice,” he gently brushed your hair from your face.

You brushed his hand away with a small blush and a smile, “Thank you, but this is just a casual outfit.”

His smile widened, “And yet you still look so…”

“Average?” you suggested with a chuckle. “Are you just hamming me up? What’s with all the smiles and attempted compliments?”

“Attempted?” He frowned slightly, “Aren’t I allowed to smile? What’ve you got against smilin’ now?”

“I haven’t got anything against smiling, but you’re acting so…”

“Average?” He copied. “I’m only being nice,” he said cooly, “that alright with you?”

You shook your head with a laugh, not completely buying his act. He had always made such small compliments, and they were always sincere but there was still something that made you second guess it all. He had started complimenting you more recently, with such wide and cheesy smiles accompanying the compliments. It was hard for you to know if he was only being nice, or if that was something to read more into. It was his usual behavior, simply amplified, maybe he was just in a better mood?

Harry stepped towards you, taking a closer look at the rings on your hands. “You’ve got my rings on?” He held your hand, pulling it closer to see what rings you took exactly, “I take them off for what, five minutes, and you’ve got them on your fingers?”

There wasn’t much room for Harry to complain, he had stolen your rings a fair number of times too. He would always complain yet you had noticed a boost in his confidence when you would wear his things. He enjoyed the chance to be dramatic, really.

You gave a nonchalant shrug, “You shouldn’t leave them lying around for me to take.”

He raised his brows, seeming amused by your answer. “Ah, I see,” he smirked, “I get it, you just can’t resist taking my things.” He teased casually, “Must you have a piece of me with you at all times?”

You were taken aback by his suggestion, scoffing at what seemed to be his arrogance, though you knew there was truth to it. “Excuse me?”

His thumb skimmed over your knuckles before letting your hand fall, “It is a bit suspicious that you’re always wearing my things. My rings, my shirts, my jumpers, my cardigans,” he was grinning from ear to ear, “The list just keeps going, sweetheart. I’m just saying, that would be the perfect explanation.”

It was hard to know whether he was joking or not, he could only be teasing. Either way, it had gotten to you, feeling your cheeks burning. You couldn’t really believe that he meant more than to poke at you.

“I’m only kidding,” he gave a vexatious smile, “though it does seem to be a possibility?”

Had you been so easy to read? Harry hadn’t gotten it all right, of course, but he wasn’t completely wrong in saying that you couldn’t go without something of his around you. This was something you didn’t really notice, or had but didn’t want to admit it.

“Only in your dreams,” you teased back.

“Ouch,” Harry laughed. He looked you over once more, deciding to drop the teasing,“You ready, then, darling?”

“As I’ll ever be,” you nodded.

You and Harry had set up a double date with two of your friends. That was, a friend of yours, Ava, had begged you to get her a date with Harry after meeting him. They had seemed to get along well enough, and you knew that there was no purpose in keeping him for yourself considering things hadn’t changed between you for years. Harry had said he would only go if you would go as well, with someone he knew. Really, you weren’t sure why you had even agreed to go, but now here you were.

It would be a night of having to see him out with your friend, and you were expected to turn your attention to whatever friend he had thought you might like. You were pretty much walking into it knowing that you wouldn’t like whoever it was, and that Harry would probably leave with Ava whilst you walked home alone. At least you would be in silence.

“Who is it you’ve set me up with again? Ella?” Harry questioned, pursing his lips.

“Ava,” you clarified, “you met her a few months ago.”

“Did I?”

“Stop being rude,” you scolded him.

He laughed, “How can it be rude when she isn’t even here to hear me say it?”

“Because you’re still acting rude,” you pointed out, “and I know you, you’ll slip and be rude to her. Now, stop pretending you don’t remember her.”

“How can it be pretending when I actually don’t remember?” He had another mischievous smile.

You punched his shoulder, giving him a serious look. “You act as if it was time wasted meeting her, why would you even agree to a date then?”

“You insisted!” He was laughing again, “You had practically begged me--”

“I did not beg you.”

“Oh, you did though,” Harry pointed a finger. “Something about how I needed to get out more and make more friends than just you, which I have friends, thank you.”

You joked, “Oh really? Maybe you should be spending more time with them and less time up my arse?”

“But you know you love me, couldn’t go a second less without me.” He reached for your hand again, holding it closer and lightly brushing the rings with his fingers, “That’s why you wear my things so often, remember?”

“No,” you pulled your hand away, “but if you’re going to make such a fuss about it I’ll just stop.” You began to remove the rings slowly, “You can just take them back now.”

“No, no, no,” he shook his head and pulled your hands apart to stop you. “Keep ‘em on, I’m only messing around…” He cleared his throat and stuffed his hands into his pockets, “So, Ava then? She’s from the… from the Christmas party?”

“How convenient, you remember her now.” You grinned, poking his side, “Can you do that with anything? Just forget when you want to avoid but remember when you have to pull yourself out?”

Harry gently rubbed his ribs, “Yes, actually. And it is rather convenient, by the way.”

“Hmm, I don’t doubt it.”

You had wished that you could do such a thing, but really do it. Because if you could, forgetting your feelings for Harry would surely be much easier than having to live in the constant fear that he might find out. At the end of the day, you weren’t ready for him to know, as much as you fantasized about the possibilities if it ended well.

You knew that he was only joking about Ava, probably just desperate to have anything to say so he wouldn’t be left in silence. You weren’t sure what it was, but he seemed to be getting worse and worse about being able to just sit in silence. In a way, you hadn’t minded the noise. It kept you from thinking too much about the situation with your feelings. In another way, it would’ve been nice to have more time to consider actually telling him, had you been given the time to think on it while near him.

What difference would that make though? Not much of one. But you had convinced yourself that maybe if you had more time in silence with him that you would’ve taken advantage of that silence, that you would’ve told him how you felt. Yet you had experienced that silence with him countless times of a span of years, yet not during a single one were you ever able to work yourself up to that. So maybe things were better off without the silence, especially for you.

“Who’d you set me up with?” You raised your brows, looking over to Harry.

He was kicking a rock along the sidewalk, “Oh, Oliver. You remember him, right?”

“Oliver? The guy who doesn’t like Pride and Prejudice?” You faked gagged, “Why the hell would you set me up with him?”

“Okay, y’know,” Harry stopped kicking the rock and was doing his best not to smile and humor you, “because he isn’t so bad past that, and because I did have to get back at you a bit, didn’t I?”

“He doesn’t like Pride and Prejudice, Harry!” You spoke as if it was obvious, “You shouldn’t be wasting my time with him. You could've at least set me up with someone who stood a chance.”

He tried not to laugh, “Oliver doesn’t stand a chance because he doesn’t like Pride and Prejudice?”

“And he never will so long as he doesn’t have taste.”

“That’s only one flaw,” Harry joked, “can’t you let it go? Just this once?”

There had been more to Oliver than just his opinion on Pride and Prejudice that was disappointing to you, and you knew that Harry was aware of that. You hadn’t hated him, but he wasn’t particularly interesting either. You knew that it was more likely that Harry had truly set you up with Oliver to be a petty, he had even admitted to doing so. He didn’t have to agree on a date with Ava, though, so he really had no reason to do that.

You rolled your eyes, “Fine, I’ll let it go for tonight.”

“Thank you,” he smiled.

You paused for a moment, only for dramatic effect, before saying, “But he doesn’t like Pride and Prejudice.”

Harry finally cracked a smile, “Y/n, it’s ju--”

“Pride and Prejudice?” You heard your friend, Ava, stepping in, “I never cared for it, too boring and drawn out.”

You were fairly certain that Ava had never even bothered trying to read or watch it, but that she just wanted a way to butt into the conversation when she saw you had arrived. A simple hello would’ve done.

“Ava, did you get here early?” You smiled, walking over to stand by her side.

“Just by a few minutes,” she smiled back, “no problem, really.”

She glanced between you and Harry, waiting for you to reintroduce them. You weren’t sure why she was being so shy now. She had been so persistent about you making sure she could meet Harry again, and specifically on you getting her a date with him. You could blame her, and you even stood where she was coming from when it came to Harry, but at the same time it just irritated you.

You hummed, “Right, so… Harry, you’ll remember Ava?”

“Ah, Ava,” he offered a plain smile while shaking her hand, “good to see you again.”

Ava seemed to be enhancing all of her reactions, trying to leave a good impression on Harry. You had considered warning her, knowing that it would only drive him away. He had already seemed bored, or as if he couldn’t be bothered. Then again, he wasn’t exactly thrilled about going to begin with.

“I’ve been looking forward to tonight, to getting to know you better. Y/n talks about you a lot, she’s really pained quite the picture of you,” she laughed awkwardly.

“Has she?” He turned to you, “Let’s hope you didn’t give her unrealistic expectations.”

“Oh, no no…” you shook your head, “I only told her that you’d probably find a way to get on her last nerve fast, and that you’re intolerable yet you always find a way to rope people back into your life.”

You gave him a sarcastic smile and Harry didn’t hesitate to return one. He was slowly opening his mouth, probably to spew some random rebuttal just to make himself feel better and to keep whatever game he thought was going on alive.

But Ava interrupted, “And I told y/n that I didn’t believe that. You seemed so nice at the Christmas party, and everyone else seems to talk about you so fondly.”

You scoffed, adding on for the joke, “Well everyone else doesn’t really know Harry. I assure you, you’ll be wishing you never even came to dinner by the end of it.”

“I’m really not that bad, you’ve gotta give me some more credit.” He ran a hand through his hair, “I only annoy you because we’ve been friends for so long, but I won’t be so bad with Ava, promise.”

You had highly doubted his words. If he didn’t want to be there he would express it, and you could tell that he was still making his final decision on how he wanted that night to go. In a way you had hoped that he would want to leave too, because he would actually have the guts to find a reason as to why he had to go, giving you an opening to take as well. Which, admittedly, you didn’t like that it sounded so rude towards Ava and Oliver, but you weren’t looking forward to the evening.

“Oliver’s here,” Harry was looking behind you, starting his way to greet him. “Oliver, just in time, the rest of us had just gotten together.”

Oliver was cute, adorable even. You remembered that you could get along with him just fine, and he was plenty nice, but he just hadn’t been the type that you would date. You figured, if anything, you would at least walk away with a new friend though.

“Hey, sorry to keep everyone waiting,” he smiled awkwardly, looking between you and Ava. “You must be Ava?”

She gave a sweet smile, sticking out her hand to shake his, “Yes, and you must be Oliver?”

“I am,” he shook her hand gently, “you both look wonderful, by the way.”

“Oh,” she tucked her hair behind her ear shyly, “thank you… you and Harry look fantastic as well.”

“Thank you,” Harry smiled, “just my usual type of look, though.”

His response made him sound so bored already, you hoped that his boredom didn’t make him be rude to either of them. As much as you didn’t want to be there you wouldn’t be rude to them. Harry was good at maintaining conversations when he wanted, so maybe it wouldn’t be too horrible if he decided to just tolerate the night.

“Your usual look is this?” Ava gestured, laughing lightly.

Oliver joked, “He’s a bit over dramatic, isn’t he?”

“Oh, well…” she was looking over his outfit again with a soft smile, “maybe bold is a better word? But you both look good, really.”

You had started to zone in and out through pieces of the conversations, paying enough attention to make yourself seem interested in whatever it was they were going on about. Harry had been doing the same you noticed, hardly seeming to understand what they were even talking about.

The time seemed to pass so slowly. Being seated, waiting for your order, the awkward conversation once everyone had finished eating. But Harry had, surprisingly, been giving Ava his attention. He still never seemed too thrilled, and he mostly had just been listening. Maybe it was so he wouldn’t have to do much of the talking, not caring to share parts of himself with her quite yet, if ever at this point.

By the end of dinner Harry had become seemingly more disinterested. He was leaning back in his seat, arms crossed and eyebrows knitted. He had still been listening, interrupting with a few questions here and there, and now nodding almost rhythmically in some attempt to reassure everyone that he was listening. You had noticed him looking over to you a few times, causing you both to quickly turn your gazes back to Ava and Oliver, serving as a sort of reminder that you were meant to be focused more on them.

Oliver had asked you a few questions here and there, and you had done your best to do the same. Eventually Oliver seemed to have given up on starting any form of a conversation with you, as he had been slowly having more and more of a conversation with Ava instead.

It was ironic, how the dates had been set up. If anything, Ava and Oliver probably should’ve been the two going on a date with one another, seeing as you and Harry were slowly playing less and less of a role at the dinner.

You weren’t even sure how Harry had talked you into going, it wasn’t like you were the one wanting Ava to get a date with him, she was just insisting on being given the chance. What were you getting out of it all? Oliver was nice, and he deserved more than the attention you were hardly giving him. All you were really getting was more frustration with yourself about not just Oliver, but Harry and Ava too.

Instead of focusing on your time spent at the date, you were just focused on your worry that Harry possibly could end up liking Ava, though it didn’t seem likely. Even if he didn’t like Ava, it just made you realize that eventually you likely would have to watch him as he fell for someone else, because he didn’t really seem to be falling for you. Why had you done such a thing to yourself?

“You’re actually a writer?” You could hear Oliver questioning, “As in, you actually wrote that article in the magazine?”

“All about fading trends, I did.” Ava was smiling towards Oliver, “I can’t believe you’ve actually read it?”

“I can’t believe I’m actually meeting the person who wrote it. I mean, what’re the odds?”

They both seem much more interested in one another, so at least they had each other. Harry was glancing over at you again, attempting to give you a look to say he was getting tired of having to be there. You raised your brows, pressing your lips together back towards him to try doing the same. You still had to wait for the check, so you decided to join the conversation again to maybe help the time pass easier.

You leaned forward, clearing your throat, “Harry’s actually posed for some of the magazines that you write for, Ava.”

“Oh?” Ava turned back to Harry, “It’s a wonderful company to work with, isn’t it?”

He smiled faintly, “Wonderful, yeah. Nice experience with them, really.”

Ava smiled awkwardly at his plain response. You quickly glared at him, trying to encourage him to say more but all he did was give you a sarcastic smile. You couldn’t blame him for not wanting to join in, but it felt wrong that the two of you were just sitting in silence.

You nudged his leg with your foot, causing him to roll his eyes before leaning forward to rest his elbow on the table again. “Oliver actually takes pictures, maybe the two of you could collaborate on something sometime?”

At least he was contributing, even if it was by just turning their attention back to one another. Some friend you felt like, having set Ava on a date with Harry, and having convinced Harry to go himself, knowing it would fail. Part of you had hope that maybe things would actually go well, and they might actually end up liking one another rather well. That didn’t seem to be happening, but at least she and Oliver did have each other.

“I would love to work out a collaborative piece!”

“Oh, no, no,” Oliver chuckled, “please, don’t feel like you’d have to. I would absolutely love to, but please don’t feel any pressure over it.”

“What? No,” she shook her head, turning her body more to face him. “We should exchange numbers, to talk more about this sometime?”

They continued on with their conversation, leaving you to sit back in silence again. You were grateful in one way, but still felt guilt in another way. Harry hadn’t seemed to mind at all, focused on pointlessly adjusting the rings on his fingers. Maybe you should’ve been so guiltless too.

As they talked more, Harry leaned closer to you, “Think the check’ll be here soon?”

“God, I hope so,” you mumbled quietly.

“Should we hang out after?” He looked to you, softly biting his lip as he waited for your response.

Before the date had begun, you would’ve thought that he would be going home with Ava, though you never planned to go with Oliver. You figured it would be somewhat rude to Oliver and Ava to leave with Harry, and things were already going so poorly. Still, you figured the evening shouldn’t have to be completely boring for yourself and Harry.

“Maybe?” You whispered, “We could watch a movie or something?”

He nodded lightly, “Yeah, even just the two of us talking alone would be an upgrade.”

You poked his side, trying your best not to smile at his words. “Thought you said you were going to be nice?”

“I’m trying so hard, darling,” he chuckled lightly and rubbed his side. “But you’ve gotta admit that you’re regretting coming.”

He was completely right, though you wouldn’t say that right in front of them, whispering or not. “Can you not be rude long enough for us to get the check?”

He scoffed, grinning at you, “They don’t even seem to realize that we’re still here.”

Glancing over at them you saw that they both had turned their bodies to face one another, leaning on the arms of their chairs and nodding along as the other spoke on about whatever they had brought up now. They seemed to be much more entertained by one another than either of you, you couldn’t blame them in the slightest.

“I think they’ll be just as happy to get away from us as we will be to get away from them.” Harry looked at you.

“Hmm…” you continued to watch them, “seems so, doesn’t it?”

The guilt started to fade as you realized that they were happier talking to one another, that you had at least played some part in them meeting. It was less of a burden on everyone to just let it happen. It left you wondering more about why you were so worried about the situation to begin with.

You were expecting that Harry would give Ava more of a chance, and that it would be something dreadful to have to spend the night dealing with. And you were expecting that you would have to force yourself to have more conversations with Oliver, but you had barely had any. You thought that the entire night would be some huge thing that was going to force you into thinking more and more about your relationship with Harry, which it had just not in the way you thought.

Why didn’t he give her any form of a chance? He had never mentioned anything about not looking for a relationship to you, and he could’ve simply said no to the date instead of roping you into it too. And why had he roped you into it? Especially when he was planning to set you up on a date with Oliver, who he had already known you didn’t care for in such a way.

Again, maybe Oliver was Harry’s way of getting a petty type of payback, considering he knew you could get along well enough with him. Would he really bother at all though if he didn’t want to go so badly? Because now he was just waiting for his chance to leave, and he practically had been the entire time.

Eventually the waitress brought the check around, and you were finally able to pay and make your way out. Ava and Oliver had now become as quiet as you and Harry as you all walked along the sidewalk, getting ready to go your separate ways.

“I’m just going to talk to y/n really quick before heading out,” Ava smiled, pulling you off to the side by your arm before anyone could respond.

“Look, I’m sorry about Harry tonight, I don’t know what his deal is. He just--” you began.

She shook her head, “No, it’s… fine. Harry seems to be preoccupied with someone else.” She bit her lip, “I actually really like Oliver, though…”

You were surprised, what’d she mean about Harry? It had been obvious about Oliver, but you weren’t expecting her to say that about Harry. If he did like someone else it would explain why he was so uninterested in the date, but why hadn’t he told you about it?

“Oliver’s nice,” you nodded.

“He is,” she agreed. “I… I actually wonder, if it’s alright with you, if I might go on another date with him? We just, we really seemed to click back there, but I know he was meant to be your date so I wouldn’t want to step in.”

“What? No, no… Oliver’s…” you glanced over to him and Harry as they talked to one another “nice,” you repeated. “But I’m not really interested in dating him, if I’m honest. You should go for it, though.”

“Really?” Ava beamed, putting her hand on yours, “And you don’t have to just say that either, you know.”

You shook your head lightly, “Harry had known that before even setting me up. Take your chance, you did get along so well and I hardly found any connection.”

“And you don’t think Harry would mind?” She questioned, “I know he agreed to the date and everything, but he just seems…” she paused, “And, Oliver would be interested in me, right?”

Harry couldn’t care less, not that you’d say that to her.

“Harry will be fine, really,” you assured her. “And Oliver couldn’t seem to find true interest in anyone other than you.”

“Thank you so much,” She pulled you into a quick hug to say goodbye. “I think you should talk with Harry still, about this entire situation.”

You pressed your eyebrows together, “What… what’d you mean? About you going with Oliver? I think it’s clear that the two of you just clicked better.”

“No, no,” she tucked her hair behind her ear and crossed her arms, “not about… no, about each other. Kind of seems like he was agreeing more to a date with you and not me, which doesn’t bother me really, I should’ve known he liked you.”

“What?”

“Thanks again, by the way,” she started to back away, “I’ll see you soon.”

What had she said? That Harry liked you? It seemed so random, and unexplained on her part. Yes, you had been questioning if he possibly could, but you had never brought that up to anyone else, so what was she talking about?

“My place is just a few blocks over,” you heard Ava saying her goodbyes to Harry and Oliver. “Dinner was… so nice with you all, thanks for bringing me along.”

“Oh, I’ll walk you home? I live close too,” Oliver offered.

Ava accepted and they both then said their goodbyes leaving you and Harry alone, standing a few feet apart. Was there anything about the night that you could accurately predict?

“Well,” Harry cleared his throat, “at least they seem to have gotten along.”

You glanced at him before watching Ava and Oliver again as they left, they had been standing practically shoulder to shoulder, bumping together gently every other step. It was good to see that they didn’t walk away miserable after the dinner, maybe it wasn’t as miserable for them as it seemed to be for you and Harry.

What had Ava meant about you and Harry?

“Why were you so against tonight?” You looked at him again, searching for answers.

Harry froze up, licking his lips as he thought. “I had already met Ava, I knew I wasn’t really interested in a date with her.”

“Then why did you agree to going on the date?” You pointed a finger, “Why’d you drag me along too? Especially on a date with Oliver, you knew I didn’t care for Oliver.”

“Couldn’t exactly get you off my back about the date,” he defended, “Oliver was… I thought maybe if you gave him another chance you’d click. Him not liking Pride and Prejudice just didn’t seem like a real reason to dislike him.”

You watched him closely, he just seemed anxious now. He was shifting back and forth on his feet, shoving one hand in his pocket and running the other through his hair. Why was he nervous now?

“It’s plenty of reason,” you replied simply. “You knew I just wasn’t interested in him like that.”

He chuckled, “Like you knew I wasn’t interested in Ava?”

“You still could’ve turned down the date.”

There was silence for a moment, he didn’t seem to know how to reply. You both slowly began to walk back to your apartment, you were making sure to keep more distance between yourself and Harry than before. You were confused by it all, so much more than you had been before, if that was possible.

You had asked him a few times to go on a date with her, because Ava had kept trying to get you to make it happen. So maybe you had done it just to get her off of your own back, but you figured that she just needed to see for herself either that Harry wasn’t interested or that they just wouldn’t have worked. There was that chance that it would go well between them, which you had prepared for just in case, yet Harry had just never shown an interest in her, not really.

“I mean,” you began again, “I know that I had been asking you to go a handle full of times… I figured you were just being hard headed like you are. You had even been telling me you’d give her a chance, and it didn’t seem that you did at all.”

“I…” he paused. “The more I thought about it the more I realized I just wasn’t interested in her?”

It was like he was just listing off answers that he thought you might want to hear in an attempt to just end the conversation. You wanted an actual answer from him though, not just whatever he could think of.

“Harry, come on,” you stopped walking, grabbing his arm to stop him too. “Why won’t you just give me an actual explanation?”

“Why’d you want me to go with her so badly?” He looked at you, “Why Ava, yes, but why anyone?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why were you so set on getting me to date someone else?” He questioned. “I just thought…” he bit his lip, shaking his head, “Nevermind.”

“No, what?” You stepped closer to him, “What’re you talking about? I had thought you were trying to date? Or are you not? Because I’m getting that feeling, and if that’s it I’m sorry for this entire thing. I didn’t realize that you weren’t anymore, I don’t think you ever said anything to me about that.”

“Are you being serious?” Harry looked into your eyes, really trying to read your intentions. “I… ‘cause if you are, I can’t tell.”

“Yes I’m being serious,” you hit his arm. “I didn’t know you weren’t dating anymore?”

He had a faint smile and he shook his head again, as if he couldn’t believe you anymore. “I chose Oliver because you had mentioned I’d be going with Ava, I thought they might get along.”

At least he had answered one of your questions, though it seemed like he was now just avoiding talking about that.

“Okay? They weren’t really going to talk much, why would it matter?”

“For fuck’s sake,” he mumbled to himself, running a hand down his face and turning away.

Maybe it was because you didn’t dare to let yourself believe such things, but you couldn’t picture what exactly Harry was meaning in the moment. Because it could be about what Ava had said about him, or it could be nothing of the sort. You didn’t want to risk anything by simply assuming, but you did consider just being direct.

“Can you just… explain what the hell you’re talking about?”

He nodded quickly, lips pressed together as he spun back around. “Explain? Sure…” he took a moment to collect his thoughts. “I agreed to go because you asked me, it was important to you. And I wanted you to go so I would be less miserable while out… I chose Oliver because I figured he and Ava would get along, and I had hoped that maybe they would entertain one another so we could just talk for the night, making for a less… less tiring dinner.”

It seemed like such a wild and complicated web of connections he had made.

“You didn’t have to go just because I asked,” you stated. “You should’ve just said you didn’t want to go.”

“I’m not even complaining about having gone,” he scoffed. “I went, we went, that part is over… you wanted to know why Oliver, and that’s why. And you wanted to know why I agreed, and that’s my reason.”

“That seems like such a mess of an explanation, Harry.”

He hummed, “Well I suppose that’s due to the mess of a situation that we are in.”

Whatever point he was trying to make was unclear. What was the point in all of what he had done? If he didn’t want to go with Ava he could’ve said so, and if he thought Oliver was a better fit the two of you could’ve worked something out to still introduce Ava to him. It still wasn’t making any sense.

“I didn’t think you actually wanted me to go with Ava,” he explained further. “You seemed so annoyed that Ava kept pesturing you about doing it, so I figured I would go along to get her to leave you alone.”

That would explain it more. It made sense as to why he chose Oliver more too.

You tucked your hands in your jacket, “I never said I didn’t want you to give Ava a chance.” You had said the opposite, actually. Multiple times.

“You didn’t have to,” he shrugged. “We’ve known one another for years, I can tell when something’s bothering you. Thought it’d be easier to just go with it… I thought that maybe it would give us a chance to… to spend more time together?”

You rolled your eyes, “Because we don’t do that enough?”

“Not as much as I’d like to,” he admitted.

Ava could’ve been right, and all of your thoughts from before about all of those possibilities could’ve been getting confirmed. But why would he go through all of this if those thoughts were true?

“I also agreed to go on the date because I thought it was you telling me you weren’t interested.” He glanced at you before turning away again, “I was confused about it, guess that’s why I was so cold to Ava too, shouldn’t have been though…” his head dropped. “I thought that… I mean, all the signs were there?”

“Signs?” you muttered.

“We’ve been spending more time together, I’ve been trying to show you how I feel in… in different ways. I’ve tried to compliment you every chance I get, or placing a kiss on your cheek or hand too… take every chance to be near you that I can get, I mean how many nights and mornings have we been spending in each other’s arms?” He smiled lightly, “However many, it’s not enough... You ask me to stay, which is always a relief because I swear when I don’t spend the night with you I can’t sleep even half as well…” he laughed through his nose. “And I guess that I had thought it all meant something? I even thought maybe the rings meant something, like a cherry on top, y’know?” He lifted his hand, looking at the rings on his fingers, causing you to do the same. “I should’ve known it was too good to be true, that it was just… an extension of the relationship we’ve already had.”

None of it felt like it was things meant for you to hear, especially from Harry. You had wanted to hear it, yes, but you had been trying your hardest to come to terms with the thought that you just never would hear such things. Now, here he was just saying everything that you had just been hard on yourself about thinking you were overthinking it all.

“Maybe it’s stupid of me, but I thought because you seemed so hesitant about setting me up to go with Ava that maybe I still had a chance? As if I dreamed that you were hesitating because you didn’t want me to go, like you were silently letting me know you wanted me to go with you instead?” He still was turned away, and his voice seemed to be growing more and more quiet. “Guess I just don’t know where I am standing now.”

If there was ever a time to tell him about your feelings, it was now. It was completely unexpected, but maybe going with it would end in a positive way. He had already said things you never imagined he would, so why shouldn’t you too.

“I didn’t want you to go with Ava because I was mad with myself for having never told you how I felt,” you admitted shyly. “I wanted to be selfish, to not even give her the opportunity to go, so I guess I always seemed so hesitant about it because I was… I didn’t want you to see something in her, or just someone else, that I thought you could never see in me.”

“So why did you keep pushing?” He turned around, “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Why didn’t you tell me how you felt?” You shrugged lightly, “I was nervous, I didn’t want to lose you. I didn’t think you had felt the same, I mean I had thought there was a possibility but I never let myself believe it.”

“Is it really so unbelievable?” Harry took a step closer, searching your eyes for answers, “Did I not make how I felt clear enough?”

You chuckled, “Apparently neither one of us did. Either one of us could’ve just stated it.”

It was true, yet neither of you had. You had been cowering from it, it was much too big of a risk. Because, yes, a confession could come with ease, but it could’ve also come with struggle and rejection. You were equally at fault, if anyone was at fault at all.

“And if I state it now?” He took your hand in his own, “What would happen then?”

What would happen? Wasn’t that your question for it all? What made you more qualified to answer it than Harry? You weren’t sure what to say on it, there was no way to know how things would go.

You looked into his eyes too, “I guess we’d figure that out together.”

masterlist

#harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles oneshot #harry styles x reader fic #harry styles x reader oneshot #harry styles x y/n oneshot #harry styles fic #harry styles

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thatgirlwritingficsatnight · 4 years

Text

Odi et Amo I

Odi et amo. Quare id faciam fortasse requiris? nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior

Catullus, 85

After a few years of working in the USA for Disney and playing the role of The White Fox in Marvel Cinematic Universe you came back to your motherland - Korea only to be greeted with hatred and contempt. To make things harder for you the universe sends you the most irritating neighbour ™. Will you be able to find your happiness and accomplish your dream of becoming loved actress in Korea without complying with standards of patriarchal society?

pairing: Park Jinyoung x reader

genre: actor au

warnings: angst, foul language (please don’t read it if you’re not old enough)

words: 5582

A/N: Hi this is my first fanfic ever, and so there are few things I have to say before you hopefully enjoy reading it. 1. English is not my first language so there may be some grammatical errors. I’m sorry, perhaps in the future there will be someone to proofread my works. 2. I’m terribly sorry for my interpunction :( for some reason they don’t teach it here and so it may be terrible. I am reading about it more but it’s not easy for me as I haven’t practiced enough. I’m really sorry if it’s awkward. 3. This was supposed to be long oneshot, but I was told not all people enjoy long reads on tumblr like I do, so I decided to make a miniseries out of it. Let me know if you enjoyed it and if you want me to write some scenarios, or post more of my works (i have a lot of them in the depths of my drive lol). Love, thatgirlwritingficsatnight.

***

You sat in spacious sofa in your old apartment in Korea. A sigh leaving your lips as you looked through the headlines.

"The black sheep of Korean show biz comes back after four years in USA"

"Whose heart will she eat now? National heartbreaker came back to Korea"

"Go back to USA you wh*re! - internet went wild over L/N Y/N"

"L/N Y/N comes back in outrageous style"

Most of them were a summary or perhaps a reminder for k-netizens why they should hate you; it's because you dated who you wanted to and for how long you wanted to, it's because this one time in the talk show you told off male host when he kept asking about your private life and because the other time you told another one to stop giving you all the questions about clothes and make up while your male co-star got to answer some deep questions about character development and that's to name the few reasons that came instantly to your mind. Of course some articles had to focus on your airport fashion too. The conservative Korean society had a problem with your bra, or rather a lack of thereof under your designer t-shirt. You left out an irritated groan as you scrolled to the comments. They were vicious and vulgar, you don't know what else did you expect honestly. You tossed the phone and buried your face in your hands fighting the urge to tweet something about the nasty people and how they should keep their antediluvian opinions to themselves. You sighed again perhaps if you were in a different country you'd do that, but here with systematic misogyny, where women were supposed to always smile and nod their heads, here where they got paid 60% of men's pay... you'd most likely be crucified. Then again who if not you would come to your defense? You knew the answer — no one, that realization was enough to anger you even more. The blood was boiling inside you as you snatched your phone back and went into Twitter silently mouthing apologies to your manager who'd be blowing your phone in just a few minutes.

"Yes, I don't wear bras. No, it's not a topic for your article nor your problem. I also know it may shock some people but my dating life is not a topic for your entertainment either."

"It baffles me how Korean society thinks its country is in the group of one of the most civilized ones but still treats women as if we were stuck in 50s."

Your phone was already blowing with notifications, you could see some new articles already popping and soon after that it buzzed as your manager tried to reach you. You silenced your phone and left it on the coffee table while you moved to the kitchen. You got yourself a lamp of wine and watched always busy streets of Seoul from a window. It was already dark and it looked like rivers of light with cars and street lights constantly illuminating them. You were deep in your thoughts as you pondered if you made a good decision. You had a good life in California. You had your best friend there, a house with a pool and many good opportunities for roles you declined. In those four years you became an international star after your role as Marvel's White Fox — a gumiho superhero. You knew in a year or two Disney would ask you to come back to make more movies and most likely you would but you couldn't stay in the USA any longer. Somehow, even though it seemed illogical considering the warm welcome you've got, you still missed your home. You missed Korea the country that loved to hate you. You weren't exaggerating when you said they loved to hate you, for instance you always played villains in Korean films and dramas and the Korean audience loved it. They loved to hate your characters and so every time you tried to audition for a role that would be first or second lead you'd always be cast as the villain. The very first time you played a good character was when you portrayed the White Fox for Marvel, they chose you because you were half American (on your father's side) and because you used to play femme fatales and that was kinda the character. You accepted the role secretly hoping that it would change the way Korea has seen you. It didn't. They said you were too Westernised and that you weren't true Korean and had their own perfect casting with actresses that weren't as scandalous as you. Well, at least the rest of the world loved you. Nonetheless, you came back. You still weren't sure if it was a good idea or for how long, or even if you'd work here or just relax; you were just happy you could eat unhealthy convenience store food whenever you felt like and that kimchi was a standard and not something you'd only find in specific shops. Speaking of, you craved some ramyun with cheese and perhaps some yakult as well. You changed your clothes into a pair of black sweats and a black hoodie and chose to wear a black cap and face mask as well. You checked yourself in a huge mirror in the corridor. Your outfit screamed two things: first was "I am a crazy murderer from drama" and and second "look at me I'm a celebrity". You sighed. Honestly what else could you wear? You decided not to change and went out to the nearest convenience store.

You walked slowly taking your time to get to the store while listening to Def Soul hoping lazy beats would calm your nerves. You bopped your head to the rhythm as you entered the store and went straight into ramyun section. You picked your favourite spicy one and grabbed some cheese, yakult and cherry coke. The girl working there seemed really young and you caught her yawning. She apologized and you smiled warmly although she probably couldn't see it through the mask.

"Don't worry about it I'm tired today as well." you said, and she smiled. You paid with a card and regretted not withdrawing any money so that you could tip her. You remember when you were just a bit younger than her, working in similar way but back in the USA; she’d appreciate extra cash. You took the ramyun to prepare it and hummed as you waited for the noodles to get soft. Food always got you to feel better. You were spreading cheese on your noodles when middle-aged men entered the shop. Soon you'd believe it's not your night or perhaps that you got some bad karma, or that you were just cursed. The men came up to the cashier and asked for a pack of cigarettes. You were about to slurp the first noodles when he spoke.

"When will you finish your shift cutie maybe I can pick you up?" He chuckled and the girl tried to smile politely although anyone with eyes could see how uncomfortable she felt. She tried to decline his advances with a small scared voice clearly she was too young to feel comfortable enough to just curse him out.

"You sluts are always the same. You smile at me flirt with me and then act all fucking.."

"Aish!" you didn't let him finish. And he turned your way surprised someone else was in the store. "I lost all appetite," you dropped the chopsticks next to the bowl and moved your gaze at the male: disgust was rolling off from you in waves, and he flinched upon meeting your eyes, "then again who wouldn't if they had to eat in the presence of trash?" You watched as his face got all red and furious, it seemed almost twisted now. "How dare you speak like that to me, you bi..." once again he couldn't finish his sentence this time you silenced him with your swift actions. You closed the distance between the two of you and grabbed his hand firmly. Then you put it behind his back and twisted it painfully enough for him to groan.

"Call me a bitch, I dare you." you said quietly, but he didn't respond, he just jerked trying to escape your hold. He smelled like tobacco, digested alcohol and grease. You scrunched your nose and took him out of the store. You pushed him lightly, and yet he still lost balance and fell. He shot you a glare full of hate and fury while you tried to remain calm. Truth to be told you were scared, yes you jumped in to help the girl, and successfully silenced him, but that was most likely only because he wasn't sober. You were silently asking universe to help you out as you mustered your courage and played your part of "fearless Y/N”.

"Leave or I'll call the police and tell them you harassed both me and the girl." He stood up and spit under your legs before he left. You sighed, a tight knot unravelling itself finally in your belly, adrenaline that was brought up with the surge of fury disappearing now, leaving you bit wobbly. You made mental note to thank the director of The White Fox for making you take those material arts classes, they came in handy. You came back to the store, you didn’t pay attention to the girl that watched you in awe. You just wanted to enjoy your noodles. Finally, able to take the bite you let out disgusted groan they got too soft. Letting out resigned sigh you opened the yakult.

"Miss Y/N.." small voice started next to you. The girl was blushing and smiling. She was cute, had long brown hair and a mole just under her left eye. You smiled back and it seemed to encourage her. "Thank you. You are like the coolest unnie ever. I will always support you and fight anyone that calls you names and.." You chuckled at her eagerness and sudden flood of words. "Thanks kid. What's your name? "Kim Seoyun." "Nice to meet you Kim Seoyun. I'm L/N Y/N." you said with a smile, and she blushed even more. You looked through the window and bit the inside of your cheek. What if he comes back when you're gone, you couldn’t risk it. "Tell me Seoyun when do you end your shift?" She took out a phone from her pocket. "Oh, in ten minutes." "Great I'll wait for you and order you a taxi." "Ah, unnie you don't have to… you already helped me enough and.." "Nonsense", you cut her off "he may come back and I'll sleep better knowing you are safe at home."

She nodded and came back to work. Leaving you with your soggy and lukewarm noodles. You thought about throwing it out but you hated wasting food and so you made yourself eat at least a bit although now it was cold and awfully soft. Ten minutes passed rather quickly and soon you found yourself standing next to the taxi with Seoyun. You gestured her to get in, but she stood in front of you and suddenly bowed deeply while extending her hands in front of you. Much to your surprise she was giving you a popsicle.

"Y/N-unnie I know it's not much but I wanted to thank you..."

You grinned at her while taking the gift. You quickly unwrapped it and tried it, it was strawberry flavoured.

"Thank you. It's the best popsicle I've ever had." You said honestly. Seoyun blushed and entered the car but before the taxi took off she lowered the car window and screamed.

"Y/N-unnie from today I'm your biggest fan! Unnie fighting!" You laughed.

"Mmm. Thank you!" After that car took off and you happily walked back home. Earphones in, phone in your hand as you decided to order some food since the ramyun sadly haven't been quite satisfying. You slurped at the popsicle even though it was the time of year when nights got colder. The taste of strawberries melted on your tongue. It was the first time someone in Korea told you they were your fan, it was also the first time a Korean fan gave you a gift. Despite the chilly air, and cold ice against your lips you felt warmth spreading from your chest. Grinning to yourself, you scrolled through different restaurants still thinking of what should you eat and then you bumped into someone or rather someone bumped into you. Popsicle fell to the ground and so did your phone with earphones brutally torn out from your ears. The man who bumped into you was in a very similar attire as your own he even wore a mask and a cap. You frowned upon realizing the gift from your first Korean fan was melting next to you. You were however about to apologize before he spoke in irritated tone while collecting some boxes scattered around you two.

"Next time watch where you're going." The blood inside you boiled the third time this evening and you snapped back at him before he could add anything else.

"Maybe you should watch where you're going." your tone was so aggressive it was clear all of the frustrations from today's evening build up in you. You gathered your things quickly.

"Excuse me..." he said straightening as he glared at you. His tone was promising a fight or a lecture at least. You didn't feel like any of that so once again today you didn't let someone finish their sentence, a habit of yours as it seems.

"Apologies accepted, asshole." you said fiercely and left him standing there with his stupid boxes in a state of shock. You got into the elevator and decided not to pay anyone any more of your thoughts tonight. You smiled at wooden popsicle stick and quickly forgot about the man downstairs.

Jinyoung was still shocked but also amused by your witty comeback. He knew he reacted upon his emotions when he was rude to you. He was just angry that he had to move the second time in the last two months. Sasaengs somehow found out about his last apartment in which he lived for only two weeks and just started feeling at home. Few days ago they found him, and he was harassed once again. Tired and angry he acted without thinking when you bumped into him and his belongings scattered. He wanted to apologize right away but you growled back at him, and he got irritated, so he wanted to lecture you or at least tell you not to interrupt other people when they are speaking, but you did just that and in very smart matter at that as well. Now Jinyoung was riding an elevator trying to pinpoint your face, he was sure he had seen you somewhere already. He entered his flat and sighed as he realized he had to unpack once again. He decided it could wait till morning.

You were woken up by both pounding and drilling in the wall behind your head. With long groan you pulled a pillow over your head but it didn't help much. You checked the time on your phone. It was seven thirty in the morning and you couldn't fall asleep till three - courtesy of your jet lag. You tried to ignore it hoping that you were sleepy and tired enough to fall asleep, unfortunately to no avail.

"Who the hell does the renovation on Saturday morning?" you asked your own walls with furious tone. You left the bed deciding to speak with the person next door. You didn't even bother to change from your PJ or brush your teeth, or hair, or even to throw something over yourself. You left your apartment in your bunny pyjama set, a gift from your best friend. Soon you were pounding angrily at the door. It took quite some time before the drilling inside stopped and someone opened the door. The man who opened seized you up and down with his eyes and coughed in his fist diverting his gaze somewhere else.

"Can I help you?" he asked his voice was a bit distressed. "I sure hope you can. It's Saturday seven in the morning." you were fuming, and he finally looked at you although he kept his eyes stuck to your face. "Ah... thank you for informing me. Are you working as personal calendar and clock for all of your neighbours or am I on some special treatment?" he asked sarcastically and smirked which made you: first bewildered and second even more mad if that's possible. "Let me rephrase that for you: it's Saturday, early morning and you are drilling in a wall." "Well, technically it was Mr Ahn who was drilling, I was enjoying myself with a book." He clearly enjoyed teasing you, there was this gleam in his eyes. "Don't you think that's a bit too early for a renovation?" your voice was seething with venom although you tried to keep your cool. "Quite contrary. I checked with the building manager, and I am only supposed to keep quiet between ten p.m and seven a.m. as you can see I even waited thirty minutes." He smiled at you and in that second you hated him, his stupid brown hair, strangely symmetrical face, weirdly tight cardigan and the fact that you couldn't do much since he was in the right. You just turned on your heels ready to storm off back to your flat when he spoke again. "Ah, and might I add I just love your fashion sense." he raised one brow and his eyes once again travelled through your body. "Excuse me?"

"Apologies accepted." Your face went from frowned and angry to shocked in a second, and he laughed at your reaction before closing the doors and leaving you cursing yourself, your luck and your best friend who thought it would be cute to buy you pyjama set which contained of hoodie with ears and a bunny tail and some shorts.

You entered your apartment, deep red setted on your face from both anger and embarrassment. As soon as you closed the doors the drilling continued. You cursed under the breath and went to shower. You stood long under the stream letting the water wash away both dirt and emotions. Once you were clean and ready for the day you’ve decided to ditch your flat for now since it was too loud for you anyway. This time you went for less sporty look but still all black. It was a turtleneck, slacks, martens and a beret. Chic and comfortable. You did your makeup and hair and went out for breakfast. The car was already waiting for you when you got downstairs. You pulled a black mask over your face and greeted the driver who didn't talk much and so you didn't have to worry about the small talk. You scrolled through your phone checking the messages you got from your manager — there was about twenty of them and somehow each was written with different emotion: rage, irritation, sadness, hopelessness and so on. You sighed knowing that you should probably apologize for the troubles you caused him. Then again what were you supposed to do, not react when half of this country is calling you names? You signed back in your Twitter only to be greeted by thousands of notifications. Most of which were trolls and haters commenting on your tweets with occasional death threats in your DMs. You tried your very best not to read each and every comment knowing that even though you were strong it still affected you. You were; however, positively surprised when you found some supporting voices. There was your best friend (obviously) who fiercely defended you and called out everyone on their bull, he even threatened legal action and you smiled brightly at his tweets, but there were also few Korean celebrities who took your side and defended you as well. Most importantly there were few normal people, fans perhaps, who applauded you and thanked for speaking out. You smiled when you saw user "Y/NUnnieFandomPresidentSeoyun" somewhere in your notifications. Somehow traffic was still bad even on weekend and it took you forty minutes to get to the café you had in mind. Once you got there however you didn't regret time spend on travel. It was café in quiet part of town, it wasn't very popular since it wasn't in Gangnam but because of that it was one of your favourites. No paparazzi, no dispatch, no other celebrities.

The place itself wasn't very big but it had huge windows and was located in front of the park so you could easily grab a coffee and go for a walk or just stay inside and watch people and kids spending their time at the park. The interior wasn't anything special either, it wasn't one of those Instagram worthy cafés. It had simple modern style. You came in and ordered coffee and some toasts and sat in front of the window. There were few people inside so you sat without your mask freely and wondered if your friend was already sleeping. It was around nine here so in Los Angeles it was probably midnight. You texted him asking if he's sleeping, and he just responded by facetiming you right away. His black hair was still wet from shower, and he wasn't wearing any shirt.

"Yah! Y/N-ah!" he scolded you immediately. "How dare you not text or call your best friend for over a day. Do you know how worried I was?" You rolled your eyes at him.

"It's not like you contacted me either. And put some clothes on Tuan."

"Never. I know you secretly love watching my chest."

"Gross. Anyway.. I haven't called because I was tired yesterday, you know jet lag and all of that, so don't get mad at me."

"How are you now?" His playfulness was replaced by concern and it was clear he wasn't really asking about the quality of your sleep which was in fact terrible thanks to your lovely neighbour.

"I'm fine." He gave you the look. "Really. Honestly I didn't expect anything better from what I got, so I'm fine Mark."

"I shouldn't have let you go. You know what? Those people don't deserve you. Come back to the USA and let's live together again I'll even cook. Or I can come to you I'll fight them and keep you company. I'm can easily stream from there.." You giggled at him and he grinned. "You know I'm serious though you can come back I already miss you anyway. God, I should have married you maybe you wouldn't leave me Y/N-ah..." he was whiny again and you laughed. It was an inside joke between you. Both yours and his parents would always tell you to just marry already but neither of you felt anything romantic towards the other one. You'd known each other since you were two and both of you had treated each other like siblings ever since.

"You should have and now it's too late. I'll find myself new victim and feast on their heart like a true gumiho I am." you said in theatrical manner while munching on your toast.

"Honestly who the fuck writes those articles?"

"I don't know but I'm pretty sure... Oh my god. You've got to be kidding me." you said and tried to lower your face down so that the person passing in front of the window you've been sitting by couldn't see you.

"What? What? Is that paparazzi? Your ex? Is that paparazzi rented by your ex?" You frowned at your friend.

"What? No? It's my asshole neighbour." "Never heard of him. Why are we hiding anyway? You can just tell him to back off. Last time I checked you were great at that." He showed you two thumbs up and smiled broadly. "I'm hiding because I'm embarrassed and I don't want to talk to him." "Why?" he laughed. "What did you do?" "I didn't do anything it was that stupid PJ you got me..." you whispered at him while trying to make yourself as small as possible. "Oh my god. One day in Korea and you already got yourself a one-night stand. This is not how I raised you. What would your mother say?" he teased you and giggled. "For the love of... it's not like that." you said angrily a bit too loud perhaps since the men in question who was just ordering by the counter turned around and looked you dead in the eyes. His neutral expression changing to surprised before it transformed to smirk. You cursed yourself and Mark and bowed your head slightly and awkwardly before you turned around to face your now laughing friend.

"You should see your face."

"Shut up. I hate you."

"You love me."

"What a surprise." Third voice spoke up by your side and you cringed a little before you put on your cold mask on.

"A surprise indeed." You said, your neighbour moved his eyes from your face to the screen of your phone carefully placed against the glass. Mark was still there, still half naked and smirking at you.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"Yes."

"No." you and Mark said at the same time and you send him death glare regretting that you couldn't kick him right now. "I was about to go to sleep anyway. Love you."

He disappeared without waiting for your response. You let out soft sigh and reach out for phone.

"Do you mind if I join you?" The man was already sitting next to you. He was smiling at you and perhaps any other person would say it was a warm type of smile but you felt like he was mocking you. Constantly. You straightened up in your seat and eyed him closely. He was wearing the same tight cardigan, it was accentuating his broad frame and muscles hidden underneath soft, brown cashmere and simple but well fitted blue jeans. You had to admit he was handsome and had somehow angelic face which only made you cringe once you compared it to his personality or at least to what he showed you already. "I don't think that's a good idea." You said after a pause, his expression didn't change for a second, and he sipped on coffee that blushing waitress brought a few seconds ago. "How so?" His voice was sweet and melodic, it irritated you even more. "I am a celebrity, there might be an article about me having coffee with you tomorrow." You kept your tone intentionally bored as you played with the spoon. He laughed and you changed your mind his speaking voice couldn't be called melodic when his laughter sounded so beautifully.

"That's funny. I'm celebrity as well I think I'll survive." It wasn't surprising at all, he was too good-looking to not be an idol, a model or an actor perhaps. You held back another sigh. You could already see the headlines "Y/N attacks again will this man keep up with her appetite" or perhaps "One day in Korea, and she already dates — check out Y/N and her new boy toy". "Yeah I doubt it." you said but quickly added. "Weren't you supposed to renovate your apartment anyway?" "I left it to Mr Ahn it got too loud for me to read in peace."

"I can imagine." Sarcasm was basically dripping from your tongue which only seemed to amuse him even more. His eyes were now twinkling and you thought that he must be a devil in disguise. "I must say it's very lucky that I met you here. What are the odds, right?" "Ah I wouldn't call it lucky, that's for sure." You were currently planning how to escape from this conversation. "So how about we get to know each other a bit better?" He proposed with a warm smile. "I don't think so. I don't even know you." "Oh. That's harsh you do know me. I'm your neighbour and this is our third meeting." He placed a hand over his heart and frowned in pain and you wondered how can one still look handsome while frowning before he continued. "Besides I can fix that. I'm Park Jinyoung nice to meet you. See now we know each other." You fought and urge to roll your eyes and you summoned the most polite looking smile you had in your arsenal. Your phone rang before you could say anything and you've never been more happy to see your manager's face appearing on your screen.

"I'm sorry I have to take it." you said politely, and he just nodded. "Oh I wasn't expecting you to pick up." "Ah manager-nim don't be like that I haven't been picking up only for one day." "Why are you so polite are you with someone?" "Yes." You glared at Jinyoung, he was watching you with a smile with coffee in his hand. "Ok, I can call later." "No!" you almost screamed and cleared your throat trying to remain composure. "No, it's fine." "O-ok. Do you have time today? We should meet and talk I just got something that may interest you. It's really nice drama. I know you said you don't want to play in any of those romantic stories but hear me out this one is..." you'd roll your eyes if not for your neighbour's curious eyes. "Of course when and where will we meet?" You decided to cut off his rumbling. "Really? Before departure, you said you won't play in any stupid drama again." "Ah, I see. I did say that. We should meet today, text me the address then." Hanging up on him, you hoped he got the brains to follow up with text. He thankfully did and your phone barked. Jinyoung laughed again and you gave him confused look. "Did your phone just bark at you?" You blushed against yourself. Was it so weird to have a dog's bark as your message sound? "Ah... yes. I like dogs." You cringed on yourself. Somehow today in front of this man you were constantly losing your cool. He either irritated you or made you flustered enough to forget any eloquent comebacks or eloquence at all. "Anyway it was nice meeting you Jinyoung-ssi but I have to meet up with my manager."

"Oh you're leaving without even properly introducing yourself?" He cocked a brow on you and smirked. You stood up and looked at him coldly. "I'm sorry I don't feel the need." You were about to leave before he spoke again. "Ah… running already... startled... like a true bunny. Come to think of it... it does have a nice ring into it, doesn't it? Bunny. It suits you and you even have a costume already." His voice was so extremely mocking that you felt the irritation buzzing in you like electricity. Not to mention he spoke so loudly the waitress that was blushing at him before now listened carefully. You groaned internally. What if she writes about it somewhere. Media won't let you live especially that he is your neighbour they'd say he is already in love with you. And "bunny" was such a couple pet name. You were in the midst of your internal crisis before he decided to speak again.

"Have nice day bun.." You reacted before you thought, your hand slapped against his mouth before he could say anything more. His eyes got bigger, he was clearly shocked that you were so close to him, that you touched him and that you didn't really care about your language. You on the other had were fuming. You've met your fair share of fuckboys, assholes and idiots but not one of them that had similar status to yours acted with such insolence in public where other people could see you. Well, almost none, perhaps your ex was the only one. You kept your voice quiet, loud enough only for him to hear.

"Shut up. And watch your tongue before I pull it out because the universe be my witness I will and I'll do it with pleasure. My name is not kitten, bunny or any other pet name your buffoon head comes up with. It's Y/N. My name is bloody Y/N." You hissed out and his hand reach out to yours. It was hot from coffee and soft even though his grasp was firm. He took your hand of his mouth and smiled.

"Nice to meet you."

You took a step back and send him the look that must have looked like you were trying to shoot daggers at him.

"I'm sure it is. Now if you excuse me. I don't want to be late."

You rushed to counter to pay only to find out it was already taken care of by Jinyoung. You furrowed your brows and wanted to give him his money back instantly but your phone buzzed and it was your cue to leave. The driver was here.

To Mark 🐰 💙 : One day Tuan... you'll pay for this betrayal

From Mark 🐰 💙 : ILY 2 good night. P.S. He seemed hot 👀

You rolled your eyes how hot was he didn't matter if his sole personality drove you crazy only after three brief meetings. You sighed. This was not how you wanted to spend this day: enraged twice and on your way to see your manager.

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keiyoomi · 4 years

Text

❝ paalam❞

☾pairing: akaashi keiji x reader;

☾genre: angst

☾word count: 1,458 words

☾warning: cheating. akaashi is ooc.

☾note: i will probably rewrite this in the future. like my other works, this is unedited. will edit soon, but not this month. i think. i run out of ideas, tbh. also, i can’t write this in peace. sksksksksksksksksks. ah! if there’s anyone interested to beta read my future works, please step forward. T^T

☾currently playing on repeat: paalam by moira dela torre ft. ben&ben

“We’ll live in a house with a front yard and a backyard,” Akaashi whispered as he two slowly dance in your living room. He brought your hand to his lips before placing his hand behind your back. “Maybe we’ll have two or three kids who’ll be spoiled by his godparents. Especially Bokuto-san,” he added making you smile against his chest. “Everything will be perfect,” he whispered before kissing your temple.

You slammed your phone on the top of your wooden center table after reading the message he sent. ‘Why now? Of all times, why now when I’m finally healing from all the pain he had caused?’ Tears streamed down your cheeks as memories flooded your mind.

“Keiji.” Akaashi glanced at your direction before pulling you closer to him. “I hope we could stay like this forever,” you mumbled while drawing lazy circles against his arms. “I feel better whenever you’re around. You always know what to do and how to solve any obstacle presented to you.”

You looked up at Akaashi before kissing his jaw making him chuckle. “I am hoping for the same thing too. I hope that you’ll always be the first person I get to see the when I wake up.” He smiled at you before placing a tender kiss on your forehead. “And the only person I’ll be kissing every single day,” he says after kissing your temple thrice.

You made your way towards your fridge, taking out three cans of beers and your leftover pizza, before heading towards your room. However, seeing the corridor of your apartment alone made you stop. It reminded you of the worst night of your life.

You were waiting for him to arrive, to tell him about your plans. For your shared future. You were patiently waiting near the door while glancing at your phone from time to time. You sent him multiple message, asking where he is and if he’s coming home anytime soon. You even asked his friends about his whereabouts, but none of them knew where he was.

Or maybe they do. They just don’t want to tell you where he is.

Still, you waited for him to return. Not minding the fact that you’ve been skipping your classes just to see him again. But a week later, not even his shadow visited your shared apartment. Hell, he didn’t even return to take any of his things.

The next thing you knew, your world is already crumbling into tiny bits. Crushing every hopes and dreams you’ve shared with him.

Bitter tears streamed down your face as you walk towards your room. You didn’t even bother to switch on the lights before locking the door behind you. You just. . . want to forget everything about him. You just want to let go of the pain. To move on.

You wanted to see him again. You wanted to know how he’s doing after he left. If he’s doing better without you in his life. You open one of the beers and drowned yourself in alcohol, hoping that by the time you wake up, you’ll be able to escape this hellish nightmare.

But even in your dreams, he’s there.

He was wearing one of his favorite outfit that night. The night when he first went out without giving you any heads up. Akaashi arrived at your shared apartment drunk with someone from his department. They almost fell when the two of them tried to fit at the door. You would’ve laugh if you see one of his friends. You would’ve laugh with their silliness. If only. . . if only he didn’t kiss the woman in front of you.

“Who was that?” you asked while tapping his tinted cheeks. Tears stained your cheeks as soon as the woman left your apartment. “Hey, answer me, Keiji. Who was that? Why did she kiss you?” You were wiping your tears with your free hand as your left arm supports his weight. “Kei, please. Answer me,” you begged as the two of you were at your apartment’s corridor.

“Her? She’s no one important,” he responded before pushing you away from him. He made his way towards his room with wobbly legs.

You bit your lower lip before holding his arm. “Kei, do we have a problem?” you asked, your hands becoming colder every passing second. “Am I not enough?”

“I want to sleep,” he replied, unclasping your hand from his arm. “See you tomorrow.”

The following day, it was as if he forgot everything he did last night. Until it happened again and again. Until you’ve had enough of his bullshit.

“Why? Why are you doing this to me?” you asked as soon as he entered your shared apartment. With the same woman. Worst part? He smelled just like her. “Did I do anything that offended you? Did I do something wrong?”

“I’m tired!”

You scoffed. “And do you think I’m not? Huh?” you asked before pulling his arm. “Stop running away from me, Akaashi. We’ll discuss this right here, right now! I’ve had enough of your bullshit, Akaashi!”

“Fine!” he screamed. “Yes, I am fucking her and I enjoy fucking her!”

You let his arm go, as if you held a hot metal rod with your bare hands.

Your lips parted as you tried to breathe in. You couldn’t believe that you actually heard those words from him. You couldn’t believe that he changed this much. “Why? Why? Why?” you screamed while hitting his chest. “I’ve been loving you with all my heart for years! I gave you my everything! But you just—”

“—because you’re always busy! Always out with God knows who!” he screamed back, eyes filled with rage.

Your slapped his face with your shaky hands. “Fuck you and your stupid excuse!” You poked his chest. Your body was shaking with rage. “You know the reason why I’m always away. You know why. . .” Your fell on your knees while blubbering. “All this time. . .all this time. . .”

You woke up in the middle of the night and the first thing you did was respond to his message.

THE FOLLOWING DAY, you didn’t bother to wear anything fancy. You put on your black shirt and pants before heading to the meeting place you chose. It was easy to spot him from the small crowd. You sat on the empty spot beside him, your eyes glued to the children playing few meters away from you.

“What do you want?” you asked before he could even say a word. “Let’s cut to the chase, Akaashi.”

“I’m sorry.” You scoffed before looking away from the children, hoping to hide your emotion from him. “For all the pain that I’ve caused you. For all the lies that I’ve told you.”

You immediately turn your head towards him as soon as you hear him sniff. “I-I’m sorry you got hurt. . . because of everything I said. I’m sorry that I got scared.”

You wanted to wrap your arms around him. You wanted to comfort him so bad, but the pain in your chest kept you from doing so. You covered you bit the back of your hand, your shoulders shake in silence as your tears stream down youe cheeks.

“I-I got scared. . . I was scared to. . . to lose you.” Then, you both look at each other. “I was scared to hold you back.” Akaashi hold your hand before placing it on his cheek. “Y-You’re willing to give up everything you’ve dreamed of just to be with me.”

“That’s not your decision to make, Akaashi.” You respond between your sobs. “I wanted to be with you. I wanted you to be there when I achieve those dreams.” You lowered your head before meeting his gaze. “I wanted to make you proud of my achievements.” You harshly brush the tears on your cheeks. “I wanted to keep my promise to you back then while achieving my dreams. That I would never let you go. . .”

Images of you and him while dancing around your apartment appeared in your mind.

“That we’ll be there for each other no matter what happens. . .”

“I’m sorry that I messed up.”

You shook your head while pulling your hand away from him. “T-That was all in the past. Our past that we could no longer undo.” You forced a smile. “Maybe we could finally move forward after this,” you added, before standing up. “T-Thank you. For this closure.” You took a deep breath before exhaling loudly. “T-Thank you for loving me, Akaashi, I hope you’ll find the person who can. . . understand you better. Someone who can. . . love you with all their heart.”

AKAASHI wanted to go after you. To tell you that you’re still the only person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. But guilt hold him back from chasing you. If only he didn’t crush your heart.

☾taglist: @haikyuu-ink ; @kenchiko ; @agaassi ; @benvo ; @sadsugarplumm ; @yams046 ; @ ; tba (send an ask or dm if you’d like to be added/removed!)

#keiyoomi: angst #keiyoomi: haikyū!!#hq!! angst #haikyuu!! angst #haikyuu!! x reader #hq!! x reader #akaashi keiji x reader #akaashi keiji x reader angst #akaashi x reader #akaashi x reader angst #akaashi angst

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coffeeismyblo0d · 3 years

Text

By The Society's Needs

TW // Minor Misgendering

Beep! Beep! Beep!

The sound rang through Aspen's already tired ears, reminding them of what was to be expected, and what was not to be expected. They turned, looking at their annoyingly loud phone which displayed the time: 7:05.

Aspen slammed their hand down on the phone, sighing softly as it shut off the alarm, which felt glorious to them this early the morning. They heard the loud yelling of their neighbors, who were just on the other side of the thin walls. They also heard a rather loud thumping noise, of which they desperately hoped was a exercise machine upstairs, despite knowing the truth behind it.

Aspen launched themselves up, stretching their arms and back out. This had been part of their routine for a while, the only exceptions coming during sick days, which were few in numbers, fortunately. Aspen looked around their room for a moment, trying to find what they were looking for amongst the littered sketches of outfits to be.

"Ah yes, there you are." They held their rediscovered binder up in triumph, despite being alone at the moment. Their binder was special to them of course. After all, it sealed a lot of insecurities about their body away with what little changes it made.

Aspen hopped on one foot as they tried pull both the binder and a sock on at the same time. Of course, this was a major struggle for them, as the binder was a binder, and a sock is on your foot. Both were on opposite points of the body.

Aspen turned toward the full length mirror in their room, despite one sock halfway off of their foot. They hummed, tilting their head at themselves.

"What should we go for today bud..?" They looked at their succulent. "Of course, you're throwing a fit. I'm sorry but too much water might kill you." They giggled softly, clipping the binder back enough so it fully reduced everything. "There. I think that will look great."

"And we'll go...." Aspen looked at the closet full of outfits, outfits that fit many different moods and aesthetics. They grabbed an outfit that included items sewn by them themselves, such as overalls, an 'ugly' sweater, and others that went along with them. Aspen chose a pair of short boots as an addition to the outfit, smiling. "I think I'm going to look great today. "

They turned towards the clock on their bedside table, which had been handpainted by a local artist. The clock read 7:15. Aspen smiled. "Right on track, I am."

Once done getting dressed, Aspen grabbed their bag and walked out the door, rubbing their eyes. How they were still tired, was a question that would likely be left unanswered.

"Let's hope you start..." Aspen muttered, turning their key in the car. They let out a sigh of relief as it turned on without stalling as they attempted to turn music on. "Thank you..."

They started their drive to work, groaning as their music refused to load. "At least the car started, that's all I could ask for.." They muttered, eyeing their bag of fabric and other assorted sewing items. A bag that hadn't been touched in a long time.

"Someday buddy, someday." Aspen patted the bag, waiting in traffic. Their eyes drifted over for just a moment, seeing the scammer like looking teen on the sidewalk. Every place had scams, even if you lived somewhere remote. And the bustling city was no exception to this rule, especially downtown.

As soon as they were able, Aspen continued driving. They loved yet hated the activity. They loved it because it gave them inspiration,and they hated it because it was terrifying.

Another reason to hate driving was where it took Aspen. The job yet to enlighten them was kept only because of Aspen's license. A license that Aspen wishes would have been nonexistent, and would allow them to live a life. A life where their own business was possible.

The job may have felt constricting, but Aspen didn't want to get into a deeper hole than the one they were already in financially. The job supported them. There was no way-if they were sane- that they would quit.

"Astroplanes." Aspen muttered as they pulled up to the big building. "The bane of my existence."

The building itself wasn't decked out in anything too special. The logo was in neon lights, but that was otherwise it for the dread filled building. Remove the logo, and it would likely be unrecognizable next to it's store counterpart.

The inside of each building was different in it's own way, aside from the store being the store, and the building being where everything was designed. The employees at the store seemed much more interactive and alive, even if on their last strain of life. Where as in here, they seemed dead, with few of the employees cheerful.

"Morning." Aspen's coworker waved, sipping her coffee as she walked past them. "The big lady is here today." She sighed. "Just warnin' ya kid."

"Well that's great. " Aspen smiled, sounding cheerful to their fellow worker. Inside, they were screaming in rage, because corporate officials were always unpleasant.

Aspen sat down at their workspace, pulling out the sketchbook they saved for work. It was filled with ideas they wanted to fulfill, but couldn't, and ones they didn't quite enjoy, but knew were required to produce into a true product.

In Aspen's eyes, fashion was fluid, and had no limits. There was no feminine or masculine in what they saw, because they wanted their demographic to wear what they saw as validating. There was no limit to how 'crazy' a look could be in Aspen's head. Everyone should have their size that fits and look great, was something along the lines of Aspen's thinking.

Astroplanes differed very much from one of their many overworked employees, as one expensive company does. They marketed everything towards women, and made everything feminine. There was nothing super crazy,and looks lacked simple, yet amplifying touches, such as a single patch. The sizes for what was sold the most didn't expand far, and many things marketed as plus size were not considered as fashion as the mainstream products.

Aspen had nothing against the clothes themselves, because an outfit looks great to someone no matter what the outfit is made of. It was the way that Astroplanes went about their products, and how employees and customers alike were treated that didn't sit right with Aspen.

They couldn't help but wonder what went through someone's head to not acknowledge the truth about companies like Astroplanes. Then again, they knew it'd be pointless to point out flaws, as they'd just get squished like the tiniest ant outside of it's hill.

Aspen sighed as they stared at the blank page, tapping the eraser of their pencil on the woodtop desk. They started sketching, looking at the figure they had drawn. They continued to sketch, drawing whatever they pleased, ignoring the tall slim woman in the background.

The result was spectacular, in short. It displayed a colorful suit, of which did not particularly define the model's identity.

"What is this?"

"I-" Aspen turned, met with the bright red face of the company's owner, who was clearly angry. "It's my own design ma'am. "

"We can not have this." The woman scoffed. "This is far beyond the goals of my company!"

"I apologi-"

"You absolute digust of a woman!" She spat, her eyes narrowed. "I never want something like that ever again, especially from you."

Aspen resisted the urge to reach up and punch the company's owner. They were beyond angry at getting yelled at for a design, and offended by the incorrect use of pronouns, when they had a very visible pin on their jacket reading 'THEY/THEM'.

"Yes ma'am. " Aspen responded, trying to sound as kind as possible after the last moment.

They watched the woman walk away. They let out a sigh of relief and rolled their eyes. They flipped to a different page in their sketchbook, starting on a completely different design from the supposedly troublesome one.

The rest of the day would go along fairly smooth for Aspen, with nothing other than the usual annoyances bothering them, sucha as a lazy coworker complaining that no one would get fabric for them.

Aspen sat alone while on their lunch break, listening to music as usually did. Nothing else had changed from doing it's normal way of doing things. Unless you counted Aspen constantly thinking about the event that had happened earlier, at the beginning of the day, then that counts.

"Still sucks here." Aspen muttered, looking at the building as they left, long after their last free breath of air while on lunch. "Things never change, do they?"

They turned on a random Spotify playlist once they got in their car, tossing their work bag into the passenger seat of the car. They sighed, turning the key to their car a few times to get it to start.

"At least I have my car, right?" Aspen muttered to themselves, backing out of the parking spot before having to halt to a stop, with their coworker Tammy trying to get out of the parking lot. They heard indistinct yelling, a car horn, and then screeching tires.

'They never fail to amaze me.' Aspen thought, their green eyes staring at the road. 'I wonder what goes on in the small mind they possess. '

They left the parking lot, just letting their thoughts whizz by as they pleased, in fear they would focus on the bad of the day. The music helped, serving as a good distraction that didn't distract Aspen from driving.

Thankfully, the drive home was not too bad for Aspen after all. They didn't die.

They fixed themselves a quick dinner once they had changed into more comfortable clothes after getting home. The dinner in question as really just a hot pocket, but Aspen could care less.

They checked their plants and made sure they were alright, watering the ones whose soil was dry. They stretched their torso out, sighing as their shoulders became less tense and relaxed.

They then watched a bit of whatever they felt like watching. Aspen knew they didn't have particularly good taste, but could care less at that moment.

Aspen went to bed once they had finished watching their show, curling up in a ball on their side underneath the warm blanket. They managed to fall asleep after twenty minutes of empty thought, knowing the next day would be the same.

#story #nonbinary #original work

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elsanna-shenanigans · 3 years

Text

December Contest Submission #12: Candles and Blankets

words: ca. 4,500 setting: mAU, candle shop AU lemon: not really cw: (SPOILER) fire, depression

Have you ever fallen in love with the gorgeous fiber artist across the street but she’s a really kind person and you aren’t sure if she’s into you or just being courteous, so you invite her to a romantic candlelit dinner for your own birthday in the back of your own candle shop?

Hey there.

My name is Anna, and …my life? Is pretty crazy.

I guess you could say the stars aligned for Elsa and I to meet.

It was a Tuesday.

New moon, new beginnings.

The sky was brightening with the dawn as I twisted my key around in the tricky lock. I really needed to call a locksmith soon, but I wasn’t sure if my business insurance covered new locks. Fires and floods, come at me; but an inconvenient lock… I probably wasn’t so lucky.

After a minute I finally heard the heavy click as my ears also noticed the sound of a car pulling up behind me. The hair on the back of my neck prickled, but instead of turning right around, I cautiously used the glass store windows to take a peek.

My shoulders relaxed. A blonde woman my age was behind the wheel.

I pretended to struggle even more with my key until I heard her get out of her vehicle. Then, I spun around with a smile on my face too bright for the hour.

“Good morning!” I greeted her. As she stepped into view to pay the meter, I couldn’t help but raise my eyebrows. You would’ve done the same if the most beautiful woman you’d ever seen just parked in front of your candle shop at 6:30 AM in the middle of October.

“Hi,” she smiled gently. I’d never seen eyes such an icy blue give off so much warmth on a chilly fall morning. She glanced up at my sign, ‘Anna’s Awesome Aromas,’ and her smile brightened. “Oh! Do you sell candles here?”

A little confused how she parked right in front of a shop she didn’t know sold candles, but not one to judge, I answered, “Yes! I make them and sell them. In fact, I’m Anna herself.” I offered my hand out to shake.

She leaned forward to shake with a cold hand and then gestured across the street at the vacant shop building. “I’m here to look at the building for lease. Nice to meet you! My name is Elsa.”

“Elsa! Wow!” This woman was flawless right down to the name. “Wait, you’re looking into Kristoff’s old place? Sweet, what’s your business?”

“Oh,” she nervously reached a hand behind her neck. “I just make blankets.”

“Just? That’s amazing! Do you knit?” I wasn’t about to let this stranger downplay her talents.

“I, um, knit, crochet, quilt, design fleece patterns, and mess with a few other styles every once in a while.”

“Wow, so you can do everything! That is so cool, Elsa. Seriously.”

Her cheeks were turning magenta. “I still have a lot to learn. I’d love to see your candle shop!” She said, deflecting the attention from herself. “Maybe after the realtor and I do our walkthrough I could take a look inside?”

“Absolutely!” I nodded. “In fact, if you’re done around lunch time, come on in and I’ll share my lasagna with you in the back. I brought enough for a small army.”

The way she smiled at me, crinkling her eyes, before she turned and walked across the street had my insides feeling… cozy. Comfortable.

Safe.

——————————

That Christmas was the best I’d had in a long time. Elsa had set up her blanket shop in early November, and we became fast friends. I never ate another lunch alone - we alternated between her office and mine, always able to keep an eye on whichever shop was unattended across the street.

December was a busy sales month for us both, with lots of customers needing candles and blankets to warm themselves and their loved ones in the cold holiday season. For that reason, I cherished our lunches as the only time we had to get to know each other as new friends. We both worked long days keeping our shops running smoothly and churning out new products in our evenings, often late into the night.

Neither of us had any employees, even a business partner, let alone a life partner; so sharing lunch with a like-minded and equally hardworking woman was honestly life changing.

The week leading up to Christmas was so busy with last-minute-gift shoppers, we called off our lunches to keep our shops open every precious minute. In a stroke of luck, Christmas fell on a Sunday, so we both closed up shop for the whole weekend, giving ourselves a true holiday.

Naturally, we spent it together. After convincing her she wouldn’t be intruding, Elsa came over to my apartment on Christmas Eve and we relaxed all day with no talk of businesses. She spent the night on my couch and our Christmas Day was filled with lazy cooking and laughter.

She gifted me a beautiful tree skirt that she knit especially for me with stripes featuring all my favorite blankets she’d made. For Elsa, I made a candle with ten different layers, because she was always saying her favorite scent was my whole shop, with all my aromas melding together.

“I can’t believe we gave each other the same thing!” She had laughed.

“It’s perfect,” I was grinning wider than I had in years. “We’re perfect,” I wanted to add.

—————————————

It’s amazing how something as simple as having a friend can make time fly by. As winter melted into spring, both Elsa and I were entering our “off season,” as people no longer craved the warmth our products provided. Even so, the days didn’t drag on.

I still lunched with Elsa every day and we never ran out of things to talk about, from crazy customer stories, to new products we’ve tried to create, to old childhood memories. There was always more to learn about each other, even after I thought Elsa might know me better than I knew myself.

But then there was the concern: did she know me well enough to figure out I had an enormous, ever-growing crush on her? And did I know her well enough to figure out if she might feel the same?

That was my main source of anguish as the weather turned as warm as my three wick candles.

Every day I sat with Elsa as she ate her chicken caesar salads or Taco Bell (there was no in between), and I ate my peanut butter sandwiches, or Campbell’s soup. And every day I’d stare at her light shining hair and blushed cheeks, as she smiled sweetly and laughed at all my jokes with a sound more gorgeous than fucking wind chimes. And every day I could feel myself falling further.

I used to live and breathe for my candle shop; I woke up with a purpose to create new scents and gorgeous colors, experimenting with different types of wax. It was usually what I dreamed about.

Now… I was dreaming about Elsa. I was waking up excited, not about how many candles I might sell that day, but how many times I might make Elsa laugh during lunch. Will she flash me that look, the one where her eyes sparkle and the corner of her mouth smiles, making it look just for a second that she had glimpsed my soul - and liked what she saw?

I just didn’t know what to make of it, because Elsa was too nice. She seemed to interact with everyone the way she interacted with me. Granted, nobody else got to spend lunch with her everyday, or talk about our small businesses together, or drop by to visit on our rare days off. But how was I supposed to find out if she was romantically into me without risking everything good that had come into both of our lives?

It was June when I had the idea. My birthday was coming up the following month, so why not plan something special? Something …romantic? Then if there was anything to blossom between us, it would have the perfect environment to happen without forcing anything or asking potentially devastating questions.

Perfect!

It wasn’t hard to plan out once I had the idea. I chose the restaurant I’d be ordering out from, and easily convinced Elsa to come over to my shop after we both closed.

I was wearing my favorite green summer dress - the flowy one with pockets - and kept my hair down for a change. At the stroke of 7 I closed up and headed out to pick up the dinner and suddenly it hit me. Was it weird to plan and host my own birthday dinner? A birthday dinner for only me and the girl I was in love with?

Well, it was too fucking late, if so. I came back with the food and spent the next half hour setting up a table with nice place settings and lighting my sexiest scented candles all around my office and store. As the sun set, eight o’clock rolled around and Elsa closed up her shop, too.

As I watched her delicately make her way to my side of the street, I chewed my lip. Here goes… everything.

I came to my shop door to let her in as she approached my dimly lit building, and was stunned by how beautiful she looked. She was wearing a shiny blue sleeveless top and tight white capris, with heels to match her blouse and the kicker - a white bow tie hanging untied around her neck. Her wavy hair was gently bouncing around her shoulders with each step. I opened the door for her and the bell above jingled loudly.

She beamed when she saw me, stepping inside to set down her leather backpack purse and white gift bag to give me a big hug. “Happy birthday, Anna,” she said softly into my shoulder.

“Thanks, Els,” I squeezed back, breathing in her perfume. It was my favorite scent, one I’d never quite been able to replicate at home - something between the ocean breeze and a floral woodland meadow.

As we pulled apart I glanced down her outfit one more time, “You look incredible.”

“So do you! And well, you said to dress nice, so… that’s what I’ve got,” Elsa laughed nervously.

“It’s perfect. So!” I clapped my hands together, “Shall we head to the back?”

“After you, lovely,” Elsa grinned and picked up her two bags again. As we walked she began to notice the candlelit atmosphere. “This is really something, Anna. You went through all this trouble just for the two of us?”

I winced. This was a weird thing to do… Play it cool. “Oh, it wasn’t much trouble at all! I thought we deserved something nice. Something special.”

“We do! Especially you, Anna. You work so hard.”

“Not as hard as you,” I countered, as we stepped into my cozy office. My desk was in the corner by the window-wall facing out to the street, and in the front area by the couch we usually ate our lunches on, I had set up our small dining experience.

The only light was from all the candles I had placed around the room; a few were on the little table itself, which also held our take out dinner that I already plated up.

“Wow!” Elsa was standing wide-eyed behind me, a huge smile creeping onto her face. “This is — it’s incredible. Did you get Romeo’s?” She recognized the food from the local fancy Italian restaurant.

“Bone apple teeth!” I grinned. “Shall we eat, before it gets any colder?” I said, gesturing to a chair.

As we settled in to eat, my racing heart calmed a little. This felt right, it felt like us, sharing a meal like we did every day. Just… fancy.

“I’m thankful you got me Alfredo,” Elsa said a few minutes into our meal. “Or my white pants may never be the same.”

“Oh man!” I said with spaghetti hanging out my mouth, “That was a lucky guess. Imagine if I made you get tomato sauce on your pants!”

Elsa laughed. “I imagine I’ll be taking them off.”

“What?”

“Um, I said I imagine I would be taking them off. If I stained them.” A blush was forming on Elsa’s cheeks.

I felt my face warming too, wondering if Elsa had meant what she had first implied. Then, Elsa set her fork down and took a deep breath.

“No, you know what,” she said, looking me intensely in the eye. “You went out on a limb here with this dinner, and so will I. Anna, I really like you.”

Was I supposed to hear the blood rushing past my eardrums?

“Everything has been better since you came into my life - or since I came into yours, whichever way you want to think of it.” Elsa smiled sincerely, “I didn’t realize what was happening right away, but I’ve known for a while now that I’m just - just helplessly in love with you.” Her gaze shifted down to the table as she kept talking, “It’s hard to pretend that I can keep my cool around you when all I feel is the warmth of friendship, of …love. Of something deeper. Something I’ve never felt before, and I’d never want to feel with anyone who isn’t you.”

She cleared her throat and looked me in the eye once more, “So, if this dinner was your way of saying you might share some of those feelings for me too… first of all, at this point I fuckin hope it was; and secondly… that was it, I can’t remember…”

By the time Elsa had trailed off her words, I was next to her chair, cupping her face with my hands. “Can I kiss you?”

She touched one of my hands, holding it to her cheek as she stood up. Taking a step away from the table, Elsa slid her other hand behind my waist. There was a moment we just looked into each other’s eyes as the pull between us became stronger. “Please,” was all she whispered before our lips came together like the pages of a closing book.

I had never kissed anyone - I had… no idea it could be like this. Her lips were so soft as they moved with mine, and it felt like they were asking permission with each caress. A small tear escaped one of my closed eyes.

I felt so emotional as she ran her fingers through my hair, stroking my scalp. She - Elsa, she wanted me, too. She loved me, too. And I realized I hadn’t actually said that yet — I pulled away suddenly and watched her open her eyes in surprise.

“I love you, Elsa.”

She smiled in relief.

I rested my forehead against hers, standing on my tiptoes to reach. “I just wanted to make that clear.”

***

We did not finish our meal.

The folding chairs sat forgotten as I laid Elsa down on the nearby couch and straddled her hips as we both reached for clothes we no longer wished to wear. I took a second to be grateful for the partial wall that blocked the couch from the view of anyone passing by the shop’s windows.

Elsa tugged on one end of her bow tie and it slipped out from behind her neck in one fluid motion - probably the sexiest move I’ve ever seen.

As I lifted my dress above my head, Elsa was gazing up at me, hypnotized. I let the dress fall to the floor beside us. “You’re falling a bit behind, love.” All she had taken off was her tie, and I already sat in my under garments.

She reached for the bottom of her blouse. “One advantage to dresses I suppose,” Elsa said. “If you’re into that.” She sat up a little to whip the shirt off, exposing a black sports bra.

“God, how are you so hot?” I didn’t let Elsa answer before leaning down to kiss her again. I reverently felt her soft skin as I ran my palms over her sides and found the small of her back. “I’ve, er, never done this before.”

Elsa gave a slight squeeze to my hips. “Me neither. It’s ok. We can figure it out together, but I’m probably gonna need to take my pants off first.”

I laughed, “Alright, I’ll get up.” When I planted a foot on the floor and stood up, I paused. I took another breath through my nose. “What’s that smell…?”

Elsa looked at me. She sniffed the air. “Is something burning?”

I turned to the doorway leading into the hallway to the store. An orange glow far too bright made my heart drop and my stomach fill with dread.

“On second thought, keep your pants on.” I grabbed Elsa’s top, threw it at her, and grabbed my dress, pulling it on haphazardly. I ran to the doorway and stopped when I saw how big the fire was in my shop. It looked like everything was engulfed in flames. Nothing could be saved from there. Oh my god.

Pop!

Pop pop!

Candles on my shelves were exploding. Oh god oh god oh god.

“We gotta get outta here!” I slammed the office door shut to hold off the blazing heat of the main store’s fire, trapping us in my office. I ran to the wall of windows by my desk, grateful there was no second floor.

Elsa met me at the wall with her bags. “Can we send this through the windows?” She pointed at my filing cabinet.

Together we pushed the metal cabinet to the window wall and then heaved our combined body weight into it, sending it crashing through the panes. Shards of glass rained down on us, but only a few pieces were sharp enough to cut. The cabinet toppled over onto the pavement outside.

I pushed out a few extra pieces of glass to make way for us to squeeze through. After I got out I helped Elsa climb in her heels, over the filing cabinet out onto the sidewalk. Together we pulled it farther away from the building.

“You call 911 and stay back from here,” I yelled as I ran back to the broken glass. “I have to get a few more things.”

Elsa looked terrified as she pulled her phone out of her pocket and took more steps backward into the deserted street. Turning toward my shop, my hand shook as I reached forward, crouching through my broken window, back into my smoldering office.

The room was starting to fill with smoke and almost constant candle explosions could be heard through the wall. I decided the most important things to get out first were my computers. I grabbed my laptop and quickly unplugged everything from the desktop computer tower. I didn’t need the keyboard or monitor.

Stifling a cough, I crouched through the glass and carried the computers to the curb. As soon as they were down safely, I turned and ran back in.

I couldn’t help but cough this time. Soon the door holding back the inferno would bust - or maybe the shared wall would be engulfed first. Either way, I was running out of time. The air was so, so hot.

One of the candles across the room burst. A searing hot glass shard lodged itself in my arm, near my elbow. I screamed, brushing it away, and the scream turned quickly to more coughing and sputtering.

Through the attack on my lungs, I grabbed everything I could hold off my desk - my purse included, and made my way out as fast as I could.

As I climbed out onto the sidewalk, I felt the office door behind me blow out. In the split second I had, I hurled everything I was carrying as far out as I could and then threw myself to the side in an attempted barrel roll just as the fireball rolled out and licked at my heels.

I sputtered and coughed on the ground as Elsa sprinted over to me. She grabbed a flat piece of debris and swatted at the edge of my dress that had caught fire. Once it was out, she lifted me over her shoulder and took me over to her building where she had been taking the items I rescued from my office.

Setting me down gently, she kept my hand in hers. “They’re on their way.”

My coughing still wouldn’t let up but I couldn’t actually feel my aching lungs anymore, or even the searing gash in my arm, as I sat on the concrete, numbly watching my store go down in flames.

Watching everything I worked for burn away.

———————————————

I didn’t notice August.

They held me at the hospital for two days for the smoke inhalation, my burn wound, and other minor cuts. Then I was released and I sat in my apartment.

I didn’t have a job to go to. My work was gone.

The insurance claim was going to take 90-120 days to go through but they assured me I would be covered for the total loss. So I wouldn’t go into massive debt, but I still mourned. I had no business, no product, no motivation.

So I sat.

I threw out all the candles in my home.

Maybe it was anger, maybe it was guilt, but it most definitely was fear. I never wanted to see another candle again in my life. The destruction they caused - my own creations did this to me. My own negligence. My own lust.

I had also shut Elsa out.

I knew it wasn’t fair to her but I couldn’t even think about her without reliving the terror of the fire. I just couldn’t handle seeing her… so I said I needed space, I needed time to recover alone.

It’s been over a month though, and while the pain still hasn’t gone away, now loneliness has joined it in my torment.

I missed Elsa so much it hurt. And not even in the we-didn’t-even-get-to-have-sex way; I missed my friend.

A week into September, Elsa begged me to come to her apartment. She said she just needed to see I was ok, just needed to talk.

It wasn’t a hard decision with the way I felt like I was dying without her in my life. But I needed her to initiate it or my guilt never would’ve allowed me the opportunity. So I went.

I couldn’t bring myself to change out of the sweats I’d been wearing for at least a week, but I managed to put on deodorant. My hair was pulled into the cleanest messy bun I could muster. It would probably be the bags under my eyes that she would comment on first. The two main subjects of my dreams were now either nightmare fuel or guilt trips, so I had barely been sleeping.

The biggest surprise to me when I met her outside were the matching bags under Elsa’s eyes.

As I walked to her she met me halfway with a warm hug. I saw the look of mixed relief and concern on her face as she took in my appearance.

“Anna,” she whispered as she held me close.

I drew in a shaky breath. “Els,” my reply was like a reflex and I melted into her embrace. With a little sadness I noticed she wasn’t wearing her perfume, but everything else about the hug was all that I had been craving.

“Come on,” she led me into her apartment.

It wasn’t hard to tell I wasn’t doing ok, and neither was she for that matter, so the question was never brought up. Instead she made me tea and held me on the couch, murmuring soft things like, “I’ll keep you warm.”

When I was calm from the tea, Elsa went to get something from another room. She returned with the white gift bag from my birthday, though it might have been replaced with a new gift bag, given how pristine it still looked.

“I still want you to have this, Anna,” she said softly. “But first let me tell you about an idea I’ve had. I just want you to listen to it, no need to respond right away.”

I nodded.

She sat back down with me. Her voice never raised above a light trickling of a fountain as she spoke, “I can’t begin to imagine what you’ve been going through. But I do know what trauma feels like. So I have a clue about what you may be feeling toward what you used to do; what you used to love doing now feels painful. Maybe even terrifying…”

Elsa took my hand in hers. “I got this idea a couple weeks ago when I accidentally dropped my bottle of perfume into your gift bag.” She chuckled grimly. “It all spilled out and your present soaked it up.”

She reached down into the bag and turned her head to me, “Would you mind closing your eyes?”

I closed them.

With a soft whoosh, a thin, but nicely heavy blanket settled onto me. As I breathed through my nose, suddenly a wave of familiar comfort washed over me. Her perfume was scenting the whole blanket. I wanted to cry. “Elsa,” I whispered, my hands shaking.

She rubbed my leg through the fabric. “I know, sweetheart,” Elsa sat back into the couch, cuddled close to me and I kept my eyes closed as she continued to talk. “After that happened, I thought… nobody really does this. Creating scented oils just for the purpose of dripping onto fabric like blankets for an extra comforting experience. Like I know essential oils exist, but that’s just the beginning of the potential you would have if you, say… wanted to become my business partner, to create scent drops for my blankets…”

She trailed off and let that sit there with me to think about. I felt the same revelation she probably experienced coming up with the plan. “Elsa,” I said with my eyes still closed. “That’s brilliant. When I’m ready… I would love that.”

I felt her sigh with relief. “Can I see the blanket now?” I asked.

She sat upright, “Here let me hold it up for you to see. It might bring up some emotion. I swear I had no idea what was going to happen when I was making it…”

The blanket was lifted off of me. I slowly opened my eyes to see… a perfect image of my shop in all her glory, hand stitched and glowing softly yellow through the windows. Around the edges of the blanket were the words, “Anna’s Awesome Aromas,” repeated in a pattern. I sobbed.

“I’m sorry,” Elsa said, gathering up the blanket. “It’s too soon, I shouldn’t hav—“

“Stop,” I said while tears dripped down my face. “It��s perfect,” I stood up and flung myself into her arms, making the blanket fall to the floor at our feet.

“You’re not upset?” she asked.

“I’m only upset that I shut you out for so long. I’m sorry,” I held her tight. “You are everything I need, how could I not see that?”

“It’s ok,” Elsa kissed my forehead. “Some things aren’t meant to be seen; they have to be felt, or smelled, maybe tasted.”

With a gentle kiss, she began my healing.

#elsanna #submission #december 2020 contest #prompt: warmth #cw: fire #cw: depression

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mentalpolaroids · 3 years

Text

CH | 17. here for you

CH 16

🔸

Kevin took Dustin home after making sure I was fine. I wasn't, but I had to pretend to be so my brother could give me some space. The fight with Noah kept replaying in my head, making me keep fighting the tears from falling, even if I was alone to cry all I wanted. I hated being mad at people or having people mad at me and the fact it was happening with Noah was making it very difficult to process. I refused to accept that my best friend disappointed me and it led to me yelling at him and feeling angry with him. It was a feeling we both have never experienced before and it was hitting me harder than I could ever imagine. I cleaned the house while Kevin was gone, not only because it was messier than I thought it could be considering the five of us didn't leave the couch all night, but also to try and distract myself. I could wait for my brother and have him help with the cleaning but I was in a desperate need of keeping my mind out of Noah and our fight. Our first fight. It almost sounds like we're a couple. We're not, but it hurts as much. I had just finished brooming a corner by the couch when Kevin entered the front door. My back was turned towards him but I could feel his eyes on me, unsure what to say or ask or even if he should say something at all. I was unsure either. I wanted to cry and vent but at the same time I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to talk about the fight and relieve it over again. I've done that enough in my head and it was killing me slowly.

"Do you need help cleaning?", Kevin's voice was soft, as if I would break if he spoke louder or arsher. I probably would.

"No, thanks. I'm pretty much finished." my head was low as I spoke, still not looking at my brother now standing behind the couch.

"I'm gonna make us something to eat, ok?"

I didn't answer but I think he knew I was grateful for his gesture and company, my body language showed it. I put the broom back in the laundry room and went to sit by the kitchenette counter waiting for the food Kevin was cooking, enjoying it's smell that was honestly calming me down. After a few more minutes, Kevin sat a plate of pancakes in front of me and a cup of hot chocolate. I smiled lightly at the view in front of me and at how well my brother knew me.

"All vegan, as you like it."

I looked at him and smiled wider while he sat next to me and dripped some caramel on top of my pancakes. He put some on his too and we started eating quietly. I was just waiting for him to drop the question and I was mentally preparing myself to answer it. He probably heard some of it but I knew my brother: he wanted the words to come out of my mouth. It was something he always did to help me stop keeping everything to myself and suffer in silence. I hated the process of it because sometimes it was really hard to talk about some things but, in the end, it helped. I just hoped this time it would help too.

"So,", here we go, "what happened back there? Dustin and I were making up conspiracy theories of why on Earth were the best couple of best friends to ever exist having a fight."

I couldn't help but laugh at his dorkiness and I started imagining the two guys talking to each other jokingly but with a serious face about what Noah and I's fight was about.

"Friends fight too."

"Yes, but not you two. You've been to hell and back for each other and never once did I see you two fight, not like this."

"Did you hear what it was about?"

"Not really."

I took a deep breath and a sip of my hot chocolate before dropping the bomb.

"I found a pack of cigarettes in Noah's bag."

"Oh."

And so I told him every bit of our fight and why I was so mad at him.

"I just don't want him to go down the way Dylan did."

"Yeah, me neither. But, even though I understand why you're mad at him I still think fighting is not the best way to talk him out of smoking."

"Kevin, we've been through this before..."

He interrupted me.

"I know, that's why I'm saying fighting won't solve anything. You're mad because you're scared and Noah is smoking because he's scared too. He's not doing this to hurt you, he's doing this because he is hurting and this is how he copes with it."

"He promised me he would talk to me anytime he felt like smoking when he was feeling down."

"And do you?"

I looked at him questioningly, genuinely confused with his question.

"Do what?"

"Talk to anyone about how you feel or about your problems when you're down?", I looked down, not wanting to admit he was right, "You keep things to yourself because, as you say, you don't want to bother anyone with your shit, even after everyone tells you they're here for you no matter what. Noah is just doing the same."

"Yes but this is different..."

"Is not that different, sis. You should talk to him, like, really talk to him. Make him feel like he can be the most vulnerable with you. Noah... fuck, he loves you, Kelly. I know he will open up to you whenever he's ready, he doesn't trust anyone else as much as he trusts you. He's there for you and is patient with you no matter what, you just need to be patient and be there for him as well. I know you love him enough too to do that."

A tear slid down my cheek and Kevin immediately cleaned it up. He was right, I was being harsh on him for something I'm also to blame for. I guess we really are a great pair because we're both stubborn asses. I lean closer to Kevin and hug his torso. He hugs me back tightly and kisses my forehead.

"How about you call him later, huh? I hate seeing the second hottest couple ever not talking to each other."

I blushed at the couple thing but then I looked at him grinning teasingly

"Who's the first hottest couple?"

"Dustin and I, obviously."

"No way! For real?!"

"Yup."

"Oh my God, Kevin, I'm so happy!"

I hugged him again and he laughed at my enthusiasm. I was really, really happy, I've been waiting for them to get together since they met each other and it was finally happening, so containing my excitement wasn't even an option.

"Me too, sis, me too."

After teasing Kevin a little, something I just had to do, we both finished breakfast, me in a much better mood than I was before our conversation. Kevin insisted on me taking a shower instead of helping him clean the kitchen, since I didn't take said shower I was supposed to because the fight with Noah made me forget about it. The water helped me relax completely and clear my head. The remains of negativity and fear in my mind were washed away and I felt ready and determined to make things work with my best friend and call him later. Until then, I wanted to spend time with my brother, have the day for the two of us, it has been a long time since that happened and I missed teasing him and making fun of him. I knew he missed doing the same to me too. I went to the living room dressed in my favorite pair of sweatpants, a cropped sweater and my black sleepers. A comfortable outfit to match my relaxed state, which was rare lately and especially after that morning. Kevin was on the couch with the tv remote in hand scrolling through Netflix, so, as the good sister I am, I sat beside him and yanked the remote from him. I tried hard not to laugh at the bitch face he made my way.

"Oh hell no, it doesn't work like that.", and with that, the remote was yanked from my hand and it was my turn to make a bitch face that, by the entertained expression on my brother's face, was a pretty good one. Kevin selected a random movie while I tried to get the remote back and I guess I was really in need of a chill day because it didn't take long for me to give up and accept whatever Kevin chose. Through the movie, we would comment about everything and anything and make jokes with each other and laugh our asses off, even though the film wasn't even that funny. I missed having these moments with my brother, it reminded me of when we were little and he would watch my favorite movie with me over and over again. Oncd, we were watching it in the living room and he made a joke about a specific scene of the movie and I laughed really hard. I remember thinking it was the funniest thing I've ever heard in my 8 years of life and, since then, every time I felt like watching that movie, I would make him watch it with me so he could tell that same joke, and I would laugh as hard as the first time I heard it. We were making our own jokes now and I was having the best time. It was therapeutic.

"Doesn't that woman look like an older version of Camila?"

"It does... wow, she's going to be a MILF. I'm jealous." Kevin laughed.

"Speaking of Camila, I ran into Julio the other day, he even paid for my coffee."

Remember the good, great, amazing mood I was in? Yeah, it died. My body tensed, my smile faded and my mind started racing. Kevin noticed and paused the movie.

"Kelly?"

I didn't answer at first, my brain was still processing the unpleasant thought of Julio and all the uncomfortable situations he has put me through. My brother called my name again.

"Hmm?"

"You ok?"

I opened my mouth to say Yes but I quickly changed my mind. It was time. I didn't want to ruin the amazing lazy day we were having but it was time to tell my brother what our best friend's boyfriend was like.

"I have to tell you something about Julio.", my voice was low, compared to a few seconds ago, "You're probably going to get mad at me for not telling you sooner but Noah knows and he's been helping me..."

"Sis, what are you talking about? You're scaring me."

And so I told him everything. The first time I saw him outside the restaurant with a woman, when he paid for my lunch, the times he was outside the company, the night at the club... Everything he did, said, the way he looked at me, the way he made me feel and how Noah has been helping me and keeping me safe.

"Fuck..."

"Yeah."

"You have to tell Camila."

"I know."

"Seriously, Kelly, that's really fucked up. And how the hell did I not notice? I mean, I remember you acting weird that night we went out but I thought it was just the sexual tension between you and Noah..."

"Kevin!"

"I know, I'm sorry, I'm... I just wasn't expecting that. Shit."

Kevin's body was leaning hard against the couch and his leg was bouncing. He was getting anxious.

"When are you planning on telling Camila?"

"I don't know. I had some opportunities but I always chickened out or wasn't sure if it was just me acting paranoid."

"You're not paranoid, Kelly. Fuck, if Noah noticed too and even saw him waiting for you outside... Jesus, that's messed up.", his voice trembled, "Why didn't you tell me sooner? I could help too."

"I know, I know, and I'm sorry, really. It was because of the same reason I didn't tell Camila, and also because you weren't at your best when this started."

"Right.", he looked down and I grabbed his hand that was anxiously fidgeting with the other.

"Hey, don't go blaming yourself now, I'm fine. Noah's been helping me and taking care of me."

"I know, I believe that, trust me. The dude would kill for you."

I rolled my eyes but the blush was inevitable. Besides the weight of Julio's presence in my head, I felt even more safe and relieved now that Kevin knew. It took us some time to put this subject aside but we managed to go back to the movie, this time watching it a little less enthusiastically.

I was about to take my sweater off to replace it with the oversized one I use to sleep when my phone rang. I didn't recognize the number but I picked up anyway.

"Hello?"

"Kelly?", a man's voice answered on the other side, a voice I couldn't associate with anyone I knew.

"Yes?"

"It's Dylan."

"Oh, hi."

To say I was surprised, mostly shocked, was putting it lightly. First, I had no idea Noah's brother was already out of prison and second I totally didn't expect him to call me. Everything about this call was unexpected so it took me a few seconds to process.

"Look, I know it's late but can you please come over?"

He sounded like he was in a rush and desperate, if the emphasis on the please was any indication.

"Are you at Noah's?"

"Yes, I'm sorry to bother you, especially because I know you probably weren't expecting me to call but I...", he interrupted himself to take a deep breath, like talking was making him tired, "I think he needs you. Can you please come over now? I'll pick you up if you want."

"No, it's fine, I'll drive. I'll try to be there in five."

"Thank you so much, Kell. See you soon."

"See ya."

I rushed to put some sneakers on as I left my room. I only had time to grab the keys to Kevin's car and take my phone out of my sweater's pocket to text him and let him know where I was going, since he was already in his room and I didn't want to waste time explaining to him why I was going to Noah's so late, especially when we weren't exactly on speaking terms. Driving, my mind kept making up reasons why Noah "needed me", what the hell happened, why Noah didn't call me himself and the fact that Dylan was free. Like, the later alone was enough to make me confused and anxious, and it showed by the constant tapping of my fingers on the steering wheel. It took me exactly five minutes to get to my best friend's house. I rushed to the front door and rang the doorbell. My heart was beating so fast that I could feel my entire body shake from it's pulsation and my mind was racing with thoughts and possibilities of what I would find on the other side of the door. I just wanted to know what was going on. The door opened a few seconds after and there was Dylan. I almost didn't recognize him from our high school days. He looked older but in a healthy way and his posture, besides shaken up, was more mature. Nothing compared to the troubled boy I used to know. Dylan looked kind of surprised to see me too and that was understandable. Puberty did me good, I admit, and I wasn't as shy and timid as I was before, which reflected in the way I presented myself. I was more confident and sure of myself, even though I was an anxious mess at the moment.

"Hey, you got here fast.", he said, his voice tired, matching his eyes.

"Yeah, I did.", he let me into the house I knew so well and turned to me, closing the door behind me, "It's good to see you."

"You too, Kell.", he smiled weakly and I mirrored it, feeling the familiarity of the nickname.

We stood there in an awkward silence just staring at each other. We both changed a lot and I guess we were having a difficult time taking it in. I cleared my throat and broke the silence.

"So, what happened?"

"Right, I'm sorry again for dropping this on you this late."

"Don't worry about it, it's fine."

He took a deep breath.

"Well, as you already noticed, I was released from jail.", he looked down, shame in his eyes, "And I asked Noah to pick me up. He didn't know I was being released today, nobody knew. I wanted to surprise him and our parents but... I didn't get the reception I was hoping for."

He looked up, his eyes averting mine, but I saw them shine with tears wanting to fall.

"My dad was livid. He didn't want me coming home, let alone unannounced, so he tried to put me out of the house in a not so nice way..."

"Dylan..."

"He was about to punch me but Noah stepped in front of me. I tried to stop him but I think he was drunk and Noah was trying to defend me and then I tried to defend him but... he just took everything and I could barely do anything to stop it."

The tears fell and his eyes finally met mine.

"I'm so sorry, Kelly, I didn't want this to happen, I..."

"Dylan, it's ok, it's not your fault. Are you ok?"

He nodded.

"Where's Noah?"

"He's outside.", he pointed to the door that led to the backyard, "I know you guys had a fight this morning but, please, Kelly, just talk to him, he's definitely not ok." I took a deep, shaky breath and, after hugging Dylan, I went to the backyard. I stepped outside and the first thing I noticed was the broken pieces by the grass. It was from a ceramic vase Noah had on the wooden table that was situated in the middle of the yard. I presumed he broke it when he arrived home in an attempt to get rid of some of the frustration. Then I looked to my left and saw him sitting on one of the wooden chairs that matches the table. His elbows were on his knees and his head was between his hands, that were gripping his hair. I felt nervous, for a lot of reasons. One, he looked mad and I hated when he got mad. Two, I didn't know how to approach him without scaring him. Three, I didn't know what to say or do because we had a fight and had yet to talk about it. But I guess that could wait, all I wanted was to hug the hell out of that man and fix him. So that's what I did. I walked in his direction and kneeled in front of him. He looked at me in a quick move, not expecting anyone to be there. I froze when I saw his face and, honestly, I just wanted to do the same to his dad (as if I had the chance, but my anger towards him was burning). He had bruises near his left eye, a cut on his lower lip and I could tell he bled from his nose but cleaned it up messly. He also had tears in his eyes that grew closer to falling as soon as he saw me. As if his state was a force calling for my help, I hugged him tight, my arms around his neck and one hand holding his head and massaging his hair, afraid he would disappear if I let go. Noah didn't exitate to hug me back, pulling me closer with his arms secured around my torso. He hid his face in my neck and broke down in tears and sobs.

🔸

CH 18

#cold hands #story #original story #angst #romance #oc #mentalpolaroids #noah centineo

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demivampirew · 4 years

Text

So I saw this post and instead of waiting for someone to ask me one of these questions, I decided to answer all of them 😂 🤣 I encourage anyone who wants to do what I did 🤭

who’s your celebrity crush? Henry Cavill

are you single or taken? Single and not ready to mingle

rant. just do it About relationships? I’m currently in one with a British guy that doesn’t know I exist 😂 🤣

do you think its ok to separate the artist from the art? Depends on the art, I think... like in the case of J.K. Rowling (who’s against trans, gender fluid and non-binary people); she sucks, but she created a world that meant so much to kids - like me- and made our childhoods better.

how many accounts do you have? Currently one - I do have another dedicated to 30STM/Jared Leto but I don’t use it anymore

how many pairs of shoes do you have? 5

opinion on… (specify to the person you’re asking to) (opinion on myself) I’m a introvert trying to make friends even though I have a problem that I’m shy -yes, I’ll admit it- and I found difficult to start conversations 🤣 . I’m not perfect, but I consider myself to be a good person, because in spite of my flaws, I’m opened to better myself when I make mistakes.

how many accounts do you follow? +2.300 (although I think more than half of these accounts are not longer in use)

favorite brand of clothing? Elie Saab, Ralph and Russo (of course I never use those clothes, too expensive and can’t affort them, but they’re beautiful)

name a dog Siberian Husky

what unusual talent do you have? I’m good at handcrafts (I’ve made notebooks reciclying old boxes, for example)

what’s the most interesting schools gossip you’ve ever heard? I don’t recall. I didn’t pay much attention to gossip.

ever prank called a store? Nop. I’m not into pranks.

what’s your coffee order? I don’t remember the name in English; in Spanish we call it Lágrima (is milk with just a touch of coffee)

what’s a question do you constantly get asked? How are you? -Mainly from people who know me and knows that I’ve been dealing with depression and ptsd (and panic attacks). (I’m fine, btw, in case anyone wonders)

if you had to get a tattoo right now, what would you get and where? Before covid-19 and quarantine, I was planning to get three tattoos - all in the same day- Two were group tattoos with my friends -we chose to get the symbol of our favourite sailor scouts from Sailor Moon, so I was going to get Sailor Pluto’s symbol in one wrist and Sailor Jupiter’s symbol in the other. Also, I was planning to get the phrase “Never give up” on my forearm.

google the top song from the year you were born "Nothing Compares 2 U" by Sinéad O'Connor

rant about your favorite musician Epica is a Dutch band. They make symphonic Metal and the lyrics are so deep and amazing. Plus, Simone’s voice is from another planet.

what’s your favorite teacher you’ve ever had? My English tutor. He was amazing, funny, smart, friendly and hot af -he was also a model. He moved back to his country (Denmark) a few years ago.

describe your blog in 3-5 words Thirsting over Henry Cavill (?) 🤣

what’s a conspiracy you believe in? Does it count as a conspiracy the fuck that Trump worked with Russia to win the USA elections or is just considered a fact? 🤣

if you could see any concert tonight what would you choose? Taylor Swift. I’ve been a long-time fan but I never got the chance to see her live - because she never came to Argentina. Same with Justin Timberlake.

if you could break one of your bad habits which would you choose? Being lazy and working out - I used to do it before quarantine and now I’m finding hard to start working out again *sighs*

can you dance? sing? Can I do those things? Sure. Am I good at it? That’s another question I don’t know the answer to 🤣

what’s something you can’t stop buying? Stationary items. I’m obsessed.

crowds or small groups? Small groups

how long before a trip do you pack? Like a week before. I’m an anxious person.

what celebrity would you rate a PERFECT 10? Henry Cavill

what quote or inspirational setting do you think is bs? Everything is possible if you just believe - that’s true only in fanfiction, I think 😂

if you had to dye your hair an unnatural color right now, what would you choose? Bright Red - I have red hair right now, but I’d like to go for a even brighter red (my natural hair is pretty similar to Henry’s)

you can change one thing about your life right now. what are you changing? I’m working on all the changes I need (eating helthier, excersice more, new job, etc)

how old do you get mistaken for? Normally people guess my age correctly.

what do you think about a lot Henry, my past mistakes, the future.

do you like your hogwarts house or do you wish you were a different one? I love it. Once I cheated in the Pottermore test because I wanted to be in Gryffindor, but now that I’m older and after +30 test agreed that I’m a Ravenclaw I must admit that I’m beyond happy with that.

what does home mean to you? The place I live in (?) 😂

what do you think you’d be arrested for? Maybe for punching someone if I see them hurt an animal.

have you ever been called down to the principals office? Once in second grade because me and my friend had a fight in the break room. -no a common thing for an introvert, I know 😂

post a picture of the outfit you would choose if you could have any outfit you wanted

describe your aesthetic Red - Red Nature

answer with one of your ‘school memes’ (inside jokes you have with your class/grade) with no explanation I don’t remember any 😂

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havocinthebluebox · 4 years

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autumnal asks : all of it. Titeplait XD

I am on my phone, it took me like FOREVER to type that XD but thank you sister, I had a lot of fun answering these questions !

1. what is your favorite autumn scent?

The smell of fallen leaves, the smell of cold days to come.

2. would you rather go through a corn maze or go pumpkin picking?

Pumpkin picking, I've never done that ! 🎃

3. what is your favorite halloween candy ?

I don't know if it's a very Halloween candy and I don't know the English word for that but Pommes d'amour are a favorite of mine. I don't like very sugary stuff anymore but anything with caramel in it will make me happy.

4. favorite autumn holiday?

As if you don't know which one ! XD it's not a formal holiday but Samhain for sure.

5. rainy,foggy autumn days or cold,sunny autumn days?

I'll take a whole season of rainy,foggy days over any sunny summer day. Anytime. I love the winter sun though.

6. favorite horror movie to watch on halloween?

I am not a huge horror movie fan, I don't like modern horror. I find it lazy and relying on jump scare. but I like stuff with a creepy vibe and specific ambiance. Most of the time I don't watch movies on halloween, but i'd pick a classic like some Tod Browning's Dracula !

7. do you like raking leaves?

Yes but I am so clumsy believe me you don't want to be near me if I am yielding a rake !

8. do you have any special autumn traditions? what are they?

I put decorations in my flat and make space for a second small altar, season themed. I pour a glass of whiskey, put it there with a though for dead relatives. (It was my late grandfather favorite drink, as well as wine... Did someone in the background say ''social drinking problem'' ?)

9. do you like carving pumpkins?

I've never done that, I'd like to try someday.

10. combat boots or cardigans?

My everyday shoes : Combat boots. But why not both ?

11. yellows,reds and browns or purples,blacks and oranges?

purples,blacks and oranges

12. favorite autumn drink?

Semi-dry apple cider - or sweet cider if I drink it while eating a cake or a crepe with it because 4 heures is the most important meal in my day (I know it's not autumn specific, I just love cider !). But it's such a comforting drink after a stroll in the forest or along the coast on a windy day ! Something special I like to prepare in autumn is hot apple juice with spices in it !

13. do you like pumpkin spice flavored things ?

I do not like pumpkin spice flavored things... I have pumpkin spice flavor running in my blood !

14. favorite type of pie ?

Apple pie or tarte bourdaloue

15. do you have any special halloween traditions? what are they?

I put Halloween themed decorations a few weeks before and launch my Gothic themed playlist, or a Type O Negative album. If there is a party I get ready while listening to it (more like 50% getting ready, 50% awkward dancing). If I have nothing planned I stay home (sometimes in my best outfit or most dramatic dresses even if I am alone because why not ?), have a nice cup of cider and read creepy books : Poppy Z Brite, Edgar Allan Poe, or I go full Requiem Knight Vampire and re-read my comics collection (first edition, the apple of my eyes !)

16. halloween parties or giving out candy to trick or treaters?

Both but Halloween parties if my friends are organizing something.

17. hayrides or campfires?

Campfires.

18. describe your ideal autumn day?

Foggy morning. A long walk in the afternoon and a hot drink once I am back home and then reading or writing curled up in a soft plaid with music in the background while a good meal is simmering.

19. coffee or hot chocolate?

Hot chocolate !

20. alcoholic or non alcoholic apple cider?

Wait, is non alcoholic apple cider a real common thing, like sparkling apple juice, but different ? Is that like non alcoholic beer ? I am so confused ! I just discovered another world.

21. what is your go to autumn outfit(s) ?

I can put my favorite clothes again without dying because of a heatstroke : velvet dresses and light jackets.

My favorite one consists in a velvet black dress with a pointy white collar, a bow and long flared sleeves, lace pair of tighs and boots. If it's a bit cold I'll put a short jacket or cape on it, or the Holy Silver Perfecto.

22. do you wear scarves?

Yes. My favorite ones are my Racenclaw scarf when it's really cold and a black and white shawl with a skull pattern. It's worn out as hell but my father bought it for me at a motorcycle exhibition so it's linked with a good memory !

23. describe your dream autumn date ?

If someone is okay with the idea of spending time with me during my typical ''ideal autumn day'', it's my ideal autumn date ! Nothing fancy ! But for something more ''special'', a long stroll, a stop at a bookstore or record shop, then sharing a snack in a cozy tearoom or sipping a good beer in a pub !

24. scary stories around a camp fire or getting lost in a corn maze with someone ?

Both sound good. I have plenty of true crime/serial killer facts to take part in that ! But on the other hand I can be a scaredy cat plus, above all, I have a wild imagination and after hearing/telling scary stories I'll be startled by the tiniest noise (with the bonus high-pitched-cry). My street cred' won't survive it ! I mean, the corn maze can also be creepy but not in the same way (plus I guess interesting things can happen in there if you go with a special someone 😏).

25. black cats or bats?

Did I make you chose between chocolate and litterature ?! WHY ARE YOU TEARING ME APPART LIKE THAT ?!

...Lilith is a black cat so if I really must choose I'll say black cats. But I have love for all the cats in the world. And every single bat has my support.

26. do you decorate for autumn? what is it like?

I like to decorate. I put candles and soft lights everywhere, pick-up fallen leaves and pine cones I find pretty and put that where I can. Also, kitschy Halloween decor and a lot of pumpkin shaped stuff !

27. vampires or witches?

Witches.

28. do you collect crystals?

The corvid in me yells ''Yes. Give me all the pretty/shiny/odd rocks !''

29. do you like cold weather?

I like it a lot. No, I love it.

30. what was your favorite autumn activity as a kid?

I grew up in a French oversea territory so the seasons were not the same. There is no ''autumn'' there ! My favorite memories from that time of the year are linked with Halloween when I was celebrating it (I was a loner and still am so I was also really happy when I just read stories from my most frightening books alone in my bedroom) : finding a good costume idea, finding stuff to make it real, trick or treating with friends and telling scary stories while eating our loot.

#ask #autumn ask #autumn #about me

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thetravelerwrites · 5 years

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Monster Match #17

The Traveler's Masterlist

For @floral-and-fine: “I'm a plus sized woman with small boobs and a big butt. I’m 5’8, in my late 20’s, a Gemini, an infp, ravenclaw. I have gray-blue eyes and wavy brown/blonde hair, I bleach the ends. I wear lots of dresses, skirts, floral patterns. My hobbies are art (drawing and painting mostly), writing, and video games. I love spending time at home, but sometimes I really like going out, because it gives me an excuse to wear a cute outfit and do my makeup.

Personality: girly, bubbly introvert who is very conflict averse and excitable. I’m kind of lazy but proactive when it comes to my education or career. My acquaintances/coworkers usually assume that I’m super innocent, they’ll apologize if they cuss in front of me and treat me like i’m delicate. So It usually surprises people the first time they see me mad or find out how kinky I am, just because it’s so unexpected.My favorite activity is watching a scary movie while drawing/doodling.

My partner: I definitely prefer bigger guys, and usually ones older than me. Someone who I can have a fun debate with and joke around with. I worry a lot, and get anxious especially when I have to talk to a stranger, so someone I can rely on and to help me out in social situations.”

Content Warning: Children, Babies, Mention of Birth

You’ve been matched with a Bugbear!

You’d thought childbirth was the hardest thing you’d ever done, but now you were faced with something much more difficult: going back to work and leaving her with a stranger.

Being a single working mom had some drawbacks, unfortunately. Daycare could get incredibly expensive, and you didn’t want some teenager who cared more about the money than about the kid to look after your new little girl, so you looked for a sitter service. You were having trouble finding one that was both within your budget and also reputable, but eventually you found one within your price range that had great reviews. Ironblood’s Interspecies Caregivers was specifically for lower income families that employed the highest quality professionals.

After talking with the owner, he emailed you a list of prospectives. They purposefully did not have pictures so that there wouldn’t be any racial bias and that you’d choose solely on their merit. Based on his amazing credentials, you chose one named Sorka.

He arrived for an interview a week before you were due back to work, and you were surprised to find a giant bugbear standing at your door. He was dressed well in a button up and slacks, though his fur poked through every available opening. He was green in the front, but the fur on his back was more brown-black with grey peppered through. His face was a grimace that made you step back a little.

“Hello,” He said, his voice gruff. “I’m here for the childcare interview.”

It took you a second to recover before inviting him in. “Oh… yes… of course, please come in.”

He had to bend to get through the door frame, and he definitely made your apartment look tiny in comparison, but he stood there with muted confidence.

Right at that moment, you heard your baby start to fuss.

“Oh, excuse me,” you said apologetically. “She must have woken up.”

“No problem at all,” He said, actually smiling a little. It was strange how that smile changed his face. It actually made him look kind of… cute.

You went to retrieve the baby from her crib and brought her back out into the living room.

“She’s adorable,” Sorka said. “Seven weeks, right?”

“Yeah,” You replied. “Do you want to hold her?”

“Absolutely!” He said, his smile widening to a bright grin. He held his hands out for her. With a little bit of trepidation, you handed her over.

Turns out, you’d had no reason to be concerned. He cradled her expertly and and began to bounce her, smiling down and making sounds at her. She began to coo back at her. You were amazed; she hadn’t really taken to anyone else yet, not even your parents.

“Do you have kids?” You asked him.

“No, no,” He said, looking up with the same bright smile. “But I was the oldest of twelve. Practically raised my youngest siblings.”

“Well, she certainly likes you,” You said. “And you come highly recommended.”

“I really care about my job,” He said. “Kids deserve the best.”

You smiled and felt a deep warmth in your chest.

“When can you start?”

To get your own Monster Match, buy me a Kofi!

Since my work is no longer searchable, please do me a favor and reblog this story if you enjoyed it. Help me reach a wider audience! To help me continue creating, please consider becoming a Patron or donating directly to my PayPal.

Thanks for reading!

My Masterlist

The Exophilia Creator’s Masterlist

#Exophilia #Bugbear #Children #Babies #Floral-and-fine #Monster Match

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amiafairyprincessyet · 5 years

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Alright... Don’t say I didn’t warn you...

Here it is: the exhaustively detailed breakdown of my 1920s costume/outfit for the interactive theatre event I went to! I’m posting this 60% because I can’t shut up about historical fashion, 30% because it’ll be fun to re-read years down the line, and 10% because hey maybe you’ll find it interesting.

Let’s start with how I built the outfit and started to form the character for it!

The two most important pieces for this outfit were the dress and the hat, and I can’t quite remember now which one I bought first. It looks like both purchases hit my bank account on the same day, so that doesn’t clear things up. I think maybe it was the hat?

Alright, so let’s start with the hat. Now, see, I love the 1920s but they really don’t love me back. The main problem I have is with the popular silhouettes of the clothes, but I also have a serious issue with the hats--I’m allergic to wool. Cloches are the stereotypical 1920s hat and almost ALL of them are made of wool. I can’t do it! But, sometimes, you can find ones made of straw. I’ve been meaning to buy a cloche for ages (tbh it’s ironic I didn’t do it until I had long hair) so I’d been planning to buy a straw one. Now that I had an occasion, I was ready to make that leap! I searched for straw cloches on Etsy, found tons of cool ones, and then drastically reduced my options when I started paying attention to sizing. (My head is both literally and figuratively big and I have A Lot of hair.) I finally settled on this one from itbecomesyou.

I actually wasn’t planning on buying a dress specifically for the occasion--I have one or two things that I could fudge a little and it’d look okay. (Certainly better than, like, a cheap Halloween costume, which is what some people were wearing.) But I was right by the thrift store anyway, so I popped in and looked around. The green dress was almost the first thing I spotted, and I got my hopes up right away. I could tell that it would fit loosely and have a low waist on me, even if that’s not how it was intended to fit--it’s actually from eShakti so it was custom made to someone’s measurements! That person also clearly donated more than one dress, because there was another dress there in the exact same style made of chambray--I’m wearing it as I write the first part of this post, actually. For some reason, I think the chambray one is a little smaller, but that’s not relevant.

The dress definitely isn’t perfect--I think it’s kind of obvious that the waist is elastic, and it’s still way too defined. The skirt is also a bit short. (Skirts in the ‘20s weren’t as short as popular culture would have us believe!!!) I figured it was supposed to be the late ‘20s (specifically ‘27) and the skirts got to the shortest point around then, so the length was forgivable. But the waist? Iffy. Like... with the full skirt it’s ALMOST got a bit of a robe de style silhouette going on but it’s not really all the way there, either. It’s a very confused dress. (Or it’s really just meant to be a more fitted style for someone a size up from me. Whatever, I like loose clothes and I’ve already worn it a bunch of times!)

When I was initially planning, I was originally going to put my hair in a low updo rather than a faux bob. That would actually be period-accurate--a lot of women who didn’t want to cut their hair did it! They’d often do a lot of work to keep their length while faking or imitating the look and shape of a bob. So I figured that with my long hair and my not-quite-boxy-enough dress I would just be unfashionable and poor, newly arrived to the city. Especially because this is clearly more of a day dress than an evening gown. My hypothetical character wouldn’t have the means to buy a dress just for going out in the evenings, and she’d maybe come straight from work (as a secretary, since that’s my actual job and I wanted to keep it simple) without changing.

As for the rest of my clothes... Well, between the hat and the dress I could see I was going in an earth-toned direction, so this was the only cardigan I had that would work. I have NO IDEA if it’s period-accurate or not. The scarf wasn’t really planned, but I thought I needed something with a bit of pizzazz, or else even my dowdy and plain “poor, rural secretary” outfit would be too boring. My compression stockings are obviously a) medical gear that I kinda just have to work around, and b) not at all accurate. Pretty sure in the ‘20s they still wore thigh-highs (sort of) that you had to hold up with straps. My shoes are okay, they’re character shoes from a musical I was in, so they’ve got a much thicker heel than most modern heels do. The shape of the heel isn’t quite right but like... I don’t think anyone’s looking THAT closely. (Okay, maybe I am.)

As for hair and makeup, well, my makeup isn’t as dramatic as you might think it should be for the ‘20s. Like I said in the makeup post, I shared that misconception too, up until pretty recently. Most of the standard misconceptions of 1920s fashion I already knew about, because I am. a nerd. But I thought that the makeup was pretty heavy! I re-watched Karolina Żebrowska’s video on the ‘20s and actually paid attention when she talked about the makeup this time. I was kinda relieved when she said that the makeup was much lighter than you’d think, because this outfit would look pretty weird with heavy makeup, since it’s a casual/unfashionable day look. I didn’t do any particular research other than glancing quickly at the examples of “normal” makeup that she showed because I was being lazy. Also, don’t come for my eyebrows. I like them and I refuse to do anything to make them look super-thin.

On to the hair, which is probably the most complicated and most important part! Like I said, I was originally planning to just do a low updo instead of a faux bob. However, when I got the hat and tried it on, I realized that a low updo wouldn’t work with where the hat sat on my head/how it fit me. A faux bob would also mess with the fit, but my hope was that it would be a bit better. I didn’t practice at all before the day of the event, I just kinda decided that It Would Definitely Work. So here’s how I did it:

Pincurl hair the night before

Wear hair down in pincurls the next morning

Humidity deflates curls within an hour, wear hair in improvised updo for rest of day

Try to redo pincurls in the afternoon

Oh shit it’s humid they’re still wet

I don’t own a hair dryer

OH WELL

Take top section of hair, sticking fingers in and parting so that you’re separating out the section in front of the ears

Go up to top of head in inverted V shape, so that a lot of the hair at the back of your head is not in the chunk you’re holding (how much depends on how thick your hair is)

Clip that chunk up; look ridiculous

Braid the hair that’s down--my hair is super thick so it made five braids

You want a LOT of your hair to be in these braids

Pin braids flat to the back of your head--similar to what you do to fit hair under a wig cap

Let down clipped up hair

Sigh over the fact that it’s barely wavy at this point

Make sure side part looks clean

Take back-most chunk of loose hair and grab a decent section, maybe an inch wide?

Grasp one small subsection of the hair in that section

Tease all the hair of the section--you don’t need to go overboard

The one piece you held onto should still be longer and straighter than the rest

Curl that bit around your finger a bit and then pin it up under the braids right at the back

Repeat for all but the two front-most sections of hair on either side of your part

Don’t tease these, just try to make the waves look nice with some subtle pinning and then pin the bottoms up

Oh shit you don’t own hairspray better hope this stays

Shove hat on top, DO NOT take it off for the rest of the night

I had a hilarious conversation about my hair with one of the actors, who was in character as a ~mystical flapper~. It went something like this:

me: Yes, I know it’s all the fashion these days to bob your hair, but I just couldn’t bear to cut it! Really my hair is this [gestures to top of chest] long, but I’ve got it pinned up.

actor, in character as someone in an era where “toxic orange” is not really a feasible hair color: That’s your real hair!?

me, with no hesitation: I’m Irish.

actor:

me:

me: That’s... orange. It’s orange. That’s why.

actor: :O

I then rolled with my ~brilliant improv~ and introduced myself as Bridget Kelley for the rest of the night. To be fair, I am almost certainly related to someone with that exact name.

The other bit of characterization I came up with (which I never really got to do much with) is that Bridget was a serial killer? I have no idea why I decided this, but I actually chose it a couple days ahead of time. I think I just had Chicago on the brain, since it’s set in the ‘20s. I also made her socially awkward but kind of the opposite from me where she was intense/focused/non-fidgety/interested one-on-one and shy as hell in crowds. I’m generally a fan of crowds as long as no one tries to socialize with me, because I can just hang out anonymously. I like being one-on-one or in small groups with people I like, but with random strangers I absolutely hate it.

And that’s basically it! I had a lot of fun at the event and I was really lucky and caught a ride home with an acquaintance I didn’t even know was going to be there. We got “raided by the police” at one point, and I also spent a decent chunk of time in the corner sewing. Good times!

#blog business

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sixbillionstars · 6 years

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Before Game of Thrones and the newest Star Wars films, flights to Iceland only left from Denver, Washington DC, Baltimore, or New York. When I learned that the voyage embarks from Port of Hamburg, I figured I’d be flying into Berlin. And after years of watching closely for new United States destinations between the two main Icelandic airlines, this made my heart sing knowing full well St. Louis had recently become a Wow Air destination with cheap flights to many European cities, and of course... stopovers in Iceland on the way.

I won’t go much into how long I had anticipated this experience, however I will say it was a painful wait. First it was celebrities one by one slowly making their way as it grew appealing to more and more travelers suddenly during my freshman year of college and onward. Then it was friends who happened to have stopovers, who could afford it before me, or who were nearer to new departure cities before me... In those ways it was thrilling to feel inches and inches closer all these years. I even had a whole trip planned once to visit Iceland by myself to celebrate the New Year and hang out a week before and after. For a plethora of important reasons I had to cancel that trip, which to this day I still stand behind. So sadly, the most suitable and affordable window of time I had to work with to be in Iceland this time around was twenty hours, since it was a stopover, but a solid twenty hours we spent. An old friend used to joke all the time, “what if you go and absolutely hate it?” which was a possibility I have weighed heavily, even after countless hours over the years reading entire wikipedia pages of tiny, unpronounceable coastal villages with their black sands and fjords, delving into Vimeo videos of Icelandic scenery, and my favorite, the man in a lopapeysa sweater teaching you how to knit. I knew damn well I’d have to come back after such a short time even if it did turn out not so ideal. But after a seven year wait, I am happy to announce that it truly was everything I could have hoped for and even so much more. Maybe because I already knew where to look, or at least where I wanted to look, or maybe it really was calling me all this time.

I was taught a German expression today "Knapp daneben ist auch vorbei” which means, “coming close is the same as missing it.” It’s been circling my mind like an echo of congratulations from the void for just finally being able to do the damn thing.

It is now late into Thursday, our second day in Berlin. Yesterday was spent locating our Airbnb, experiencing jetlag, showering, etc... completely pretty much rebirthing ourselves after twenty hours with none of the checked luggage I truly thought the Keflavik airport would let me access during that amount of time.

I can’t exit this post though without telling a couple of the stories from those hours (and some pictures!) It was by far the most eventful twenty hours of my life...

As soon as we landed, it was time to grab the rental car. I picked out a lovely whatever the car was. At first the reservation said manual shift, which was exciting because I learned to drive on a manual but also I knew the Icelandic roads would be more vulnerable to drivers so I wasn’t sure how revisiting a skill like that there would go. Luckily we ended up with an automatic somehow anyway. Since the Wow air flights are so cheap, they get off by charging passengers for every other thing including meals, so I had not eaten since Missouri by this point (mainly because I wanted to sleep). I felt weak and tired at the rental counter so I asked my friend Alicia to get me something at the cafe nearby. She came back with the first food we were to behold: a caprese panini, but instead of panini bread, it was the body of Christ or something. I apologize to anyone that offends--I mean it in the sense that it was cracker bread meant specifically for religious purposes and not to feed a malnourished traveler. Don’t get me wrong, it tasted good, however the depth of my ketosis and the richness of the pesto was too much. Literally as I stood at the counter facing my first ever Icelandic stranger and transaction, I felt the sudden urge to vomit and ran to the nearest trashcan while Alicia had to sign everything for me in a VERY crowded airport. I don’t think any of us knew how to react honestly, though the woman at the counter was very sweet and brought us bottled waters after seeing my pale sweaty face, despite not totally knowing how to ask if I was okay in English.

Getting to Þingvellir was not an issue, however the drive there involved more of the previous situation sadly. While the girls caught up on sleep, I found our way out of Keflavik onto the highway and quickly back off of it after having tried a couple more bites of the Jesus panini. The first time around I wasn’t entirely sure if it was that was what made me ill or just all of the conditions at once. This time I knew it was that. There was nowhere to even pull over as all of the road space in Iceland is very carefully planned, with roundabouts every few blocks and signs placed not too often or too scarcely. So I stopped in the middle of the road out of sheer desperation -- one of the few very crucial things I had JUST been told you’re not supposed to do with an Icelandic car. I had already begun out the window as I drove simply because my mind was already racing for options. What is the best way here - puking on myself and cleaning that up? No - my luggage I thought I could have today is on its way to Germany. Puking solely into the car? Hell to the no - I don’t care if I bought the insurance, we have the whole route ahead of us and back. Okay well in the time it took to ask myself those questions, all of the above happened anyway. Everywhere. Alicia and Morgan immediately woke up of course and without judgment scrambled into their things for a new shirt and pants for me, helped me clean the car, et cetera, alllllll while locals were angrily and confusedly passing me on this tiny exit I had chosen under the impression it was low-trafficked. Did I mention I chose not to wear underwear on this day of all days? Yes. In my first hour in Iceland I was forced to change BUTT NAKED pretty much on the side of the highway. Needless to say, we threw the Jesus panini away as if it was the one ring to rule them all.

Þingvellir was breathtaking. Every little plant, moss, lichen, dewdrop was so quietly and calmly welcoming. The wall of boxy-looking rocks you may have seen in Games of Thrones was to the left of this photo, with its waterfalls and all. It was confusing finding the dive spot where our snorkel tour was, but once we arrived all of our sorrows were gone. First we met Luis, a cheery Mexican from Cancun, then Manuel the French man who helped us into our dry suits, and then Juan from Madrid was our guide through the crevice of the opening between the Eurasian and North American tectonic plates.

The moment I entered the water my heartbeat changed for good, not just because of the chilling 2*C temperature, but because it was then I realized I was really, really there. Until that moment, it was all a dream. Simply putting my mask down to see what was below... I still cannot find the words. Our suits were designed to keep us warm, so the crystal clear stream swept us and this rad Australian couple in our group gently along the divide as if it were a lazy river. Silfra is the only spot on Earth where one can touch two plates at once, and I cannot emphasize enough that the land itself gives you that vibe alone, whether you do the tours or not. For as long as I live I don’t think I could forget how it felt to lay completely still on top of the water looking down, like just another little seagull feather or algae, feeling one with the whole damn country.

Finally.

After a pit stop at a petrol station for edible food and something to make the car smell better, we rerouted from planning a drive all the way to Vik (3.5 hrs there and back) to just spending the time comfortably in Reykjavik where we could get back to the airport by 3am, when the rental was due, and for our flight at 6am.

Downtown was as quaint and beautiful as I had imagined, though of course a completely different layout than what I originally pictured. This happened in New Mexico too when I moved there after a year of picturing the places where my friends’ stories from their phone calls were playing out. We found a cute bar to meet locals in called the Smokin’ Puffin, which turned out to have just opened three weeks prior. Made many friends, including Moe the bartender/plant geneticist from Iran, and Joanne, a bubbly expat from the UK.

Hallgrimskirkja and the walk to it however was the crowning jewel of the evening, with apartment windows all open, most of them displaying cute decorations and cats and succulents of all colors and sizes peering out.

I knew it was a rather large church, I suppose I was not prepared for just how large. Walking past the infamous Leifur Eriksson statue to approach the entrance with its tiered architecture and powerfully rhetorical lighting, I lost my breath again. It was a bittersweet goodbye, though I am nearly grateful we did not stay overnight so I couldn’t get too attached to Iceland’s physical presence.

Was honestly just taking a photo of this sweet cat, and realized its owner was behind him drawing. I almost cried.

Moe’s specialty cocktail: coffee martini :)

Me in my very attractive after-puke outfit with this handsome Iranian plant geneticist bartender who was really sweet to me anyway.

#iceland

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mf-despair-queen · 7 years

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I’m Void, Baby - Dylan O’Brien

Author: @mf-despair-queen

Characters: Dylan O’Brien/Reader

Word Count: 12,592

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Masturbation, Oral (male receiving), dirty talk, spanking, bits of drinking, sexy Void Dylan

Notes: I’m not allowed to say “Can you imagine” especially to @minhosmeanhoe because then we just talk about sexy things like this. You guys can thank her for giving me this idea and cranking through bits of the story for it.

Dylan paced the length of his trailer, running a hand through his hair. This seemed to be his normal ritual, especially lately. He came to work, was constantly anxious about the day, unsure what shenanigans were about to be in play. Sure, he had been doing this for a while now, deep in the middle of season three, but things just seemed to get harder by the day.

He sat on his tiny couch, taking a sip of the coffee he grabbed on his way in, sighing to himself. “Today’s just like any other day. I can do this. Nothing will be different,” he told himself, massaging his face to try and relieve himself of his self-imposed stress. “Fuck, who am I kidding. The same thing is going to happen like always.”

He picked up his script, reading over the scenes they were planning to shoot. He was officially possessed by the Nogitsune after the events of Eichen House. Reading through the scenes, he would be toying with the pack in Derek’s loft and even filming bits for the scene in the McCall house after he released the flies to possess the werewolves in Beacon Hills. It would be an interesting day, that’s for sure.

A knock was heard on his trailer door, Dylan setting his coffee and script down and shuffling over to the door. Glancing at the time, it read 9:21 AM, so he figured it was just Tyler Posey stopping by to wish him good morning, asking when they would run lines for their scenes, possibly bringing him some form of breakfast, or wanting to use the toilet because he was too lazy to walk over to his trailer, like he did every morning.

What he didn’t expect when he opened the door was to see you standing in front of him, sunglasses still perched on your nose, a wide smile on your plump lips, sparkling in the sunlight from your lip-gloss. His breath hitched when he saw you standing on the pavement. His mouth instantly became dry, despite the coffee he had just been drinking.

“H-hey Y/N. What are you doing here?” he asked, instantly sweaty and trying to control his stutters.

“Well, I brought you your favorite breakfast and I thought I would run by the outfits for today’s scenes before you head to wardrobe and makeup later. You get a nasty little cut on your tummy later, good sir,” you joked, reaching up to poke his stomach. Dylan bit his lip, stifling the noises he wanted to release from your simple touch, afraid of what could happen. I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time he slipped up and panicked of what could happen.

You see, Dylan had been pining over you from the day he met you. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t help himself. He loved everything about you. You had become so integral in his life, he couldn’t see doing anything without you there.

He struggled with his affection for one simple thing. You happened to be Teen Wolf’s creator’s younger sister. You were close to Jeff, always hanging around on set when they first began. Hell, the first-time Dylan ever met you was at the food table where he found you with your mouth stuffed with a donut before he ran off without a word, flustered beyond belief. Did he regret that? Yes, of course. But it didn’t keep you away.

You always seemed to have your grubby little hands on something, and Jeff never had a qualm with it. Dylan could remember the first time you walked into wardrobe, a blank expression on your face. You were so displeased with their choices, you forced them out of the room and chose your own outfit for Stiles. Sure, it was a simple shirt with a flannel top over it, but Dylan knew this was what Stiles would wear. Jeff approved of the choice, and from then on, it seemed like you were always the one in charge of choosing the outfits he wore.

You also seemed to like helping him get ready for scenes. Whether that was helping prep scenes or get settled into scenes, you were by his side to help. Dylan struggled to keep his ever-growing feelings at bay, not wanting to compromise the friendship you developed over the years. He struggled whenever you were near to keep calm and to keep you from finding out his feelings. Though, that always seemed to be hard when he was highly aroused by you.

There were two moments within the last few weeks that haunted his memories, and you walking in this morning brought them back to the surface even after he fought to suppress them deep in the recesses of his mind.

The first was season 3, episode 11. Dylan could not explain how nervous he was when for one particular scene, but his nerves got worse the second you walked onto set that day.

Dylan sat on the ground in the locker room, reading through his script. It was his lunch break, everyone having decided to head out to a local restaurant before the afternoon shoot. Dylan would normally be the first to jump on the food bandwagon, but he was feeling anxious about the scenes. Stiles was supposed to be having a panic attack after Jennifer Blake kidnaps Chris Argent, and Lydia kisses him to get him to calm down.

Sure, he had done kissing scenes before. He had a full make out session during the First Time. He became unnerved when you walked in that morning, though. How was he supposed to kiss Holland when his crush was ten feet away? He was afraid he would mess something up, embarrassing himself in front of this perfect girl he cared so much about.

Dylan sighed, dropping the script to the ground and running his fingers through his hair. “Fuck,” he mumbled to himself, leaning back fully against the lockers. “I can’t fucking do this. Nope, no way, no how.”

“Can’t do what?” Dylan heard behind him. He jumped half a mile out of his skin, turning to see you laughing at him, peeking around the lockers. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Dylan flushed, his face turning a bright red. “I-I… it’s fine. I promise.” He picked himself up off the ground, having fallen over in his fright, leaning back against the lockers. He pat the spot next to him, gesturing for you to sit down. You flopped down next to him, placing a plastic bag in front of you. “So, what brings you to this neck of the locker room? I figured you would be at lunch with everyone,” he joked.

“Well, I was going to,” You started, kicking your feet around playfully. “But, I ran into Posey on my way to my car and he mentioned that you were staying behind to run lines. He said you were acting weird today and was worried.” Dylan frowned, leaning his head against the locker. “Are you nervous or something about this scene? Which scene is it?”

You picked up the script, glancing down the paper as he spoke up. “The kissing scene with Lydia. When Stiles is having the panic attack.”

“Oh, that scene! I helped write that scene because I ship Stiles and Lydia so much,” you told him, handing him the script. Those words made Dylan’s heart sink further into his stomach. He now had to worry about kissing Holland in front of you and screwing up a scene you apparently helped write? “Why are you so worried about it? When I proposed it, I could just picture you doing it perfectly. I saw the way you kissed Britt in The First Time and, even if it’s Lydia kissing Stiles to calm him down, I think you will do great! Do you have onion breath or something?”

Dylan laughed, shaking his head at your joke. “No, no onion breath. I actually haven’t even eaten today. This scene has me worried. I just don’t want to mess it up because you-“ he stopped mid-sentence, glancing at you. “B-because you know how awkward I am. Especially around girls. Kissing scenes are still foreign to me.”

“Pssh, please, Dyl. You’re gorgeous as all fuck, remember? You shouldn’t ever be awkward. Especially around us.”

I’m only awkward because of you, he thought to himself. Dylan sighed, glancing over at you. “You make it sound so easy,” he joked, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “But I appreciate the compliment. So, what’s in the bag?”

You picked up the bag, pulling out two things of Chipotle. “Tyler mentioned you hadn’t eaten, so I ran out to get us some lunch! I figured I could help you run lines too, like I sometimes do. Help you get over your little hurdle.”

Dylan blushed, smiling down at his chicken burrito. “Thanks. I appreciate that.”

It was a simple lunch. Just rehearsing lines for the scene in between munching on your burritos. Dylan sat in front of you, practicing having a panic attack, having put his food down for a second. “Just try to think about something else, anything else,” you read from the script, listening to Dylan’s increased breathing.

“Like what?” he managed to choke out.

“Uh, happy things. Good things. Uh, friends, family.” Dylan cast you a scared look, causing you to bite you lip. You had to admit he looked adorable when he was like this, but everything seemed so real with him too. “Oh, I mean, not family. Oh, god. Okay, uh, just try and slow your breathing.”

Dylan’s eyes clenching shut, partially for the scene and partially when he felt your hand grasp his. His gasping continued, looking down at the ground. “I can’t. I can’t.”

You placed the script on the ground, moving forward on your knees and holding his cheeks in your hands. Dylan wanted to sigh, the soft feeling of your skin against his overwhelming in sense. You tilted him to look up at you, showing him a gentle smile. “Shh, shh. Stiles, look at me. Shh, look at me. Shh, Stiles.”

Dylan locked eyes his yours, his bright hazel orbs getting lost in your own. He figured you would stop there, considering the next part was when Lydia kisses Stiles to calm his breathing. But how wrong he was when you leaned forward after a second, locking lips with his. His eyes widened briefly, unsure what to do.

After two years of knowing you, of crushing on you, here you were. Lips pressed to his in a sweet kiss.

His eyes slowly fluttered shut, hesitantly returning the kiss. His breathing calmed almost as if he was truly overcoming the panic attack, but his heart was beating wildly against his chest. It seemed as if your lips were two jigsaw pieces, meant to be combined to form a perfect picture. Your lips were soft and molded against his exactly.

You pulled away slowly, your eyes having shut as well. His eyes cracked open first, seeing your eyes fluttering open. Your eyes locked together like before, but you swore you saw a range of emotion racing through Dylan’s enlarged pupils. It was hard to discern what they were or why they were there, but you knew they existed.

You but at your lip, Dylan slightly licking his to wet them, knowing they would be dry the second he started talking. “H-how’d you do that?” he asked, continuing the scene, attempting to keep calm.

“I, uh,” You started, reaching blindly for the script, reluctant to break your stare down with him. You blinked a few times, finally feeling the paper between your fingers. You glanced down at the words, reading them over. “I read once that… holding your breath could stop a panic attack. So, when I kissed you, you held your breath.”

You turned back to Dylan, your breath caught in your throat the second you locked eyes for the umpteenth time. Dylan nodded slowly, wetting his lips again. His voice was quiet, but he managed to get the straggled line out. “I did?”

You nodded in response, a quiet response reaching his ears. “Yeah. You did.”

You smiled at him softly, Dylan pursing his lips slightly. “Thanks. Really smart.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at his response, looking away shyly. You tucked a piece of hair behind your ear, falling to the side so you weren’t sitting on your legs anymore. “That was great, Dyl. You’re gonna kill it.”

“Y/N,” he said quietly. His hands found your cheeks again, making you look at him. Your noses brushed against each other, his fingers carefully running along your cheeks. “Can we um… can we run by that part again? Just to perfect it,” he said, finding any excuse he could to kiss you again. When he received no response, he dared a glance at you, finding your eyes closed and making no effort to back away.

Dylan knew he wanted to kiss you again. Hell, he was ready to push you back on the floor and kiss you into oblivion. But he never got that chance. The sound of the studio doors being pushed open was heard, both of you backing away in a rush. Tyler and the cast walked around the corner, chatting happily.

Jeff saw you both on the floor, rushing over. “There you are, Y/N! I was worried when you didn’t show up at lunch.”

You stood up, dusting off your jeans. “Yeah, sorry. Tpose mentioned that Dyl was staying behind to practice so I grabbed us lunch and was reading lines with him. Right, Dylan?”

Jeff cast a look at Dylan, said boy swallowed thickly under the scrutinizing gaze of his boss. “Y-yeah. Reading lines. She um… she brought me Chipotle.”

Jeff silently nodded, turning back to you. “Well, you realize what time it is, right? You have a dentist appointment at two. You should get going and I will see you at home tonight.”

Dylan instantly stood up, his mouth agape. “You’re not staying to watch the scene?”

You turned to Dylan, tugging him away from Jeff. “Well, yeah. I thought you knew that, Dyl.” His face fell, suddenly depressed you wouldn’t be there. You smiled up at him, holding his face in your hands. “Come on, Dyl. Don’t be sad. Just do it like we just did and you will be amazing. Now, I have to go, so I will see you tomorrow.” Kissing his cheek, you ran off, kissing Jeff’s cheek before you left. Dylan just sighed, ruffling his hair.

But I won’t be able to do it like we just did. Because I’m not doing it with you again.

The second was not even a week later. The kiss played repeatedly in his mind, and being near you seemed to amplify his emotions ever since. It was one of those days when you insisted on helping on set, helping set up the scenes. And Dylan’s hormones seemed to be flying more than normal on this day.

Stiles strut onto set, feet practically frozen from the cold floor. He had left his shoes with his stuff near his chair, walking around the bedroom set barefoot. He was clad in just an orange-red shirt and pair of blue flannel pajama pants with some kind of leopard print on it.

Something you chose, he was sure.

He collapsed on the bed, repeating his lines in his head. He must have been so focused on it as he didn’t hear you come in, sneaking over to his side. You leaned over the bed, smiling evilly.

Taking in a deep breath, you hollered for the entire building to hear. “DYLAN!”

He almost rolled off the bed, jumping up at your voice. You burst out laughing, Dylan groaning at you. He placed a hand on his chest, feigning like he was holding his heart. “Y/N, way to give me a heart attack.”

“I’ve done my job, sir O’Brien,” you said smugly, backing away to dance happily. “No one can stop this evil mastermind!”

Dylan bit his lip, watching your hips sway from side to side, cheering about how you had successfully startled him. His eyes trailed over your entire form, admiring the way you looked. Of course, this was the one time you wore a sleeveless crop top and shorts that showed how perfect your ass was. He couldn’t help but think how perfect you were to him.

He shifted on the bed, glancing down when he left a throbbing sensation run down his body. He spied the tent forming in the flannel bottoms, cursing silently. He bit his lip, thinking to himself, I just had to get a hard on now?

He quickly rolled under the covers, hoping that would shield the erection that he was sporting from watching you dance around randomly. He just settled into the bed when you turned back to him, a smile on your lips. “So, are you ready to have a nightmare, Stiles?”

I’m in one right now because you’re this close to seeing me with a hard, bulging cock, he thought bitterly, nodding at you. Neither of you got a chance to response when Jeff walked in with Linden and some of the other crew, preparing for the scene.

Jeff looked over at you, sighing. “Y/N, get off the set and sit your little ass down. Stop distracting my actors,” he joked.

You laughed at him, calling back, “Of course, Jeff. Can I tuck Dylan in for the scene though? He should be comfy before he has his nightmare.” Jeff just rolled his eyes, turning to check with the cameramen. “I will take that as a yes.”

You perched yourself on the side of the bed, running a hand through Dylan’s hair. His heart hammered against his ribs, his cock pulsing more than before at your light touch. He tried to cover up the growing tent in his pants more with the blankets. You smiled at him, starting to tuck the blankets into his sides.

“You know,” he began, sweating profusely the closer you got to his groin, “you don’t need to tuck me in. The blankets will be all over the place anyway when I start the nightmare.”

“But, you should be comfy, Dyl,” you insisted, reaching over him to start tucking in the other side of the blanket.

Dylan’s luck would have it, and his worst nightmare became a reality. When your hand accidently brushed the tent in his pants, particularly the sensitive head of his cock that was trying to break free from their confines, a small moan slipped off his lips. He was sure his cock umped in his pants, the blanket around him rustling just the slightest with the movement in his pants.

Dylan paled visibly, sweating more than he would playing baseball in the summer. He silently prayed that you didn’t hear him. That was the last conversation he wanted to have with you. He could just see it now: “Oh hey, did you just moan?” “Totally, man. Because you turn me on and I want to fuck you.”

Um, no. That ain’t happening.

You stood from the bed, hands on your hips and admiring your work. “Perfect! Stiles is nice and cozy for the scene!” You turned to face Jeff, leaning over as you yell at him, giving Dylan a spectacular view of your ass. “Jeff! Dylan is ready! And I’m stealing your chair!”

“Good! Now get off the set!” Was all you heard in return.

You turned to Dylan, leaning over him. “Good luck, Dyl. I’ll be watching from over there.” You pointed in the direction of Jeff’s chair, the white lettering reading his name. You ran your fingers through his hair again, gently pressing your lips to his forehead. “Break a leg, Dyl.”

He watched you run off, releasing the breath he didn’t know he was holding. Hopefully, he would be able to relax now that you were away. Well, more like he needed to relax for sure.

He still had a raging erection hidden under the blankets after all.

Dylan couldn’t seem to shake these moments from his mind You were constantly on his mind, driving the poor boy insane. And now, you turned up on the steps of his trailer, a bag of food in your hand, hangers on your arms, and a toothy grin on your face.

This was not how he planned to start the day.

“Dylan?” you asked, noticing him spacing off.

“Right, right. Sorry,” he mumbled, moving aside to let you in. “Come on in.”

You gleefully cheered, hopping inside and kicking off your flip flops. You placed the bag and clothes on the table, sitting on the couch Dylan previously was on. “So, I brought you your favorite breakfast burrito and I even splurged for some hash browns! You better love me,” you joked.

Oh, I do, was the only thing circulating his mind. Dylan shook the thought, sitting next to you and taking the burrito you offered him. “So, what brilliant outfits does Void Stiles get to wear this time?”

You bit into your bacon, egg and cheese sandwich, standing up from your spot. “Right. So, you just escaped Eichen House and are going to confront Noah and the pack at Derek’s loft so they can protect you from the Oni, right? So,” you picked up the hangers, pulling off the plastic surrounding them. “We have a nice plain gray shirt, the khakis I know you love, and even a gray hooded jacket!”

Dylan laughed at your enthusiasm, looking at the outfit. “Sounds very… normal?”

“Well, you’re Void right now, Dyl. Not the normal, flannel-loving Stiles I can’t get enough of,” you mentioned, hanging up the outfit. “Oh, and I found this in wardrobe for you, nice and clean.” You help up a gray, stripped zip-up hoodie. “Perfect for the After-After show tonight!”

“I was wondering where that went!” Dylan said, smiling at you. You grinned, hanging it up as well.

“Yeah, I got lucky. It’ll be perfect for the Void skit you guys have planned though.” You sat back down next to him, cross-legged on the couch, picking up the script. “Are you ready for today?”

“As ready as I can be, I guess,” he muttered, sipping his coffee. “Are you actually sticking around today? You haven’t been around the last few days.”

You glanced down at the hardwood floor of the trailer, sighing. You had partially hoped he wouldn’t notice your absence, but apparently, he did. You had avoided the set since they filmed the Eichen House episode, though no one really knew why. “Yeah, I’ll be around today. I don’t have any plans.”

“Is that why you’ve been gone? Other plans?” He asked, prying further your lack of presence at the studio. “You’ve been acting really weird since we filmed Echo House, particularly the basement scene. You’ve been really quiet and distant since that night.”

You bit at your lip, picking at your nails. You didn’t want to explain to Dylan how you were feeling and why you acted the way you did.

You sat in Jeff’s seat like always, watching Dylan and Shelley sitting on the couch in the basement of Eichen House. Boxes and papers were scattered around them. They were trying to find answers to the Nogitsune.

Dylan threw some papers away from him, letting out a large sigh. “There’s nothing here,” he mumbled. His hand came up to his mouth, looking deep in thought, your mind only thinking about how handsome he looked doing so. “Could you do me a favor? Could you just check the lines on my back? Just tell me if they’re fading.” Dylan began to pull the back of his shirt up, your breath hitching at the sight of his lean, muscular back.

His back muscles clenched as he pulled the shirt up, arms flexing from how he was holding the shirt. You could see the faintest bit of his stomach, toned from years of baseball and even from acting. He truly was a handsome man, no one could argue that.

“Yeah, they’re almost gone,” you faintly heard Shelley respond. “I’m guessing that’s bad.” Dylan let out a small noise in thought before turning back to Shelley. “Oh. Sorry. I told you I’m always cold.”

“That’s okay,” Dylan said quietly, adjusting his place on the couch. “Here.” He reached out, holding her hands in his, rubbing them like he was warming them up. “Boy, you really are,” he chuckled, Shelley following.

The more he rubbed her hands and Shelley looking at Dylan with affection, even if it’s for the part, made your gut churn with a bit of sadness. You knew it was just the scene, and the relationship Malia and Stiles were to have, but part of you didn’t like it.

Call it jealousy, you guessed.

Dylan looked at Shelley, their eyes locking for the briefest second before she leaned over, locking her lips with his. Dylan seemed to hesitate, but his mouth moved carefully against hers regardless. The feeling inside you churned more, bile rising to your throat.

“Was that your first kiss?” Dylan asked her, Shelley nodding. “Was it okay?” Again with the nodding. “You want to try it again?”

You almost wanted to scream for him to stop, for him not to kiss her. But you knew Jeff would kill you if you did. Hell, you weren’t even sure why you felt the need to stop them. You had watched Tyler kiss Crystal enough times and never felt the need to stop them. Why now?

Dylan leaned in, and your heart dropped into your stomach at the sight of Dylan’s head tilting to the side, his lips enveloping Shelley’s completely. Watching the way he kissed her made your heart break, tears forming in the corners of your eyes.

You were sure you were unfairly jealous, call it crazy all you want. This was just Dylan performing a scene for the show, much like the scene you helped him practice a couple weeks prior. Why were you feeling this way? Was it because you didn’t watch him kiss Holland that afternoon? Was it because you shipped Stiles with Lydia and now Malia? Were you jealous of Malia and Stiles’ current relationship? Or maybe just of Shelley and Dylan?

Did you want to be in her place right now? Part of you said you did. You wanted to be in Shelley’s place. You wanted to be Malia right now. You wanted to be the one kissing Dylan like that. You wanted to feel his lips on yours.

You head picked back up at the sound of Shelley’s voice. “I want to try something else.”

“Something else?” came Dylan’s brief response.

All feeling left your body, watching Shelley tug the loose top over her head and dropping it to the floor. They looked at each other longingly for a second before leaning back in, kissing once more. You slid from the chair, but remained in your place, watching the scene unfold. Dylan laid her back on the couch. Her head tilted for him to kiss down her neck. Their hands clasp together, fingers entwined together as they made out.

You turned on your heel quickly, grabbed your bag from the table. You didn’t register when Jeff yelled cut, Dylan sitting up and turning in your direction. All he saw was your back across the room. “Y/N?” he mumbled to himself, jumping up from the couch. “Hey, Y/N! Wait!” You didn’t turn back, pushing yourself out the doors, everyone hearing the loud thunk as they closed behind you. Dylan turned to Jeff, confusion on his face. “Is she alright?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen her like this,” Jeff told him. Dylan stared off in the direction you disappeared.

Why did you leave? Was it something I did? Or, did you not like me kissing Shelley? He asked himself, a million other thoughts consuming his thoughts. Jeff placed a hand on his shoulder, motioning towards the set so they could continue. Dylan just sighed and resumed is place, hoping to see you back soon.

You licked your lips, sighing. “I promise I’m fine, Dylan. I just… I felt sick that night. Must have been something I ate.”

Dylan set his food down, turning more to you. “Why are you lying?”

Your breathing stopped, fear consuming your being. “I-I,” you tried to say, fiddling with your fingers. Your turned to look at him, not realizing how close he was. Your noses brushed, his breath hitting your face. You were sure you could feel his lips move if he talked. “W-who said I was lying?”

His hands slowly moved up to cup your faces, thumbs stroking your cheeks softly. “I’ve known you long enough to know when you’re lying. You can tell me anything, Y/N.”

You thought about leaning forward, just to feel his soft lips on yours, Dylan thinking similar things. You were so close, it seemed as if nothing could stop you now.

Until a knock on the trailer door was heard, breaking you apart from each other. Posey waltzed in after you backed away from each other, Dylan calling out that the door was open. “Morning, Dyl! Oh, and Y/N! Fancy seeing you here. Getting Dyl ready for the day?”

“Y-yeah. I was just leaving though,” you said quickly, grabbing your things. “I’ll see you guys later.”

You took off before Dylan could stop you, the dark-haired male sighing at your exit. Tyler looked at him, patting his back. “One day, Dyldo. One day.”

Dylan stumbled into his trailer after a long day, fetching a beer for himself from his mini fridge. The sun had just set, and they were going to be preparing for the After After Show. Tonight, he would be playing a Void version of himself, having been “tainted” from playing Void Stiles. He was looking forward to the skits, finding them quite hilarious.

He heard Posey calling for him from outside, a sigh befalling his lips. He had barely made it back and it was time to go again. He placed the beer on the counter, grabbing the striped hoodie you brought earlier from his closet. Slipping it onto his shoulders and zipping it up completely, he made his way back outside, finding Posey standing with a few cameramen and, most importantly, you.

“Hey, Dyl!” You greeted him, giving him a quick hug. “Good job today. You were amazing, as always.”

Dylan laughed, hugging you close. “It’s only because you were here to give me encouragement. I needed my tiny girl here to support me!” He joked, squeezing you tight.

Tyler jumped into your hug, all three of you laughing. “I love you guys so much!” He hollered, kissing you and Dylan on the cheek. “But, we have a skit to perform. So, get to your places everyone!”

Dylan looked at Tyler in confusion as he walked away, getting ready for his part. He looked back down at you, cocking his head to the side. “What are you doing here anyway, Y/N? Normally you head home with Jeff after we are done for the day.”

You put your hands on your hips proudly, smiling widely at him. “You’re looking at the girl who is going to do this skit with you! The one that knocks on your trailer door. Jessie is sick, so I offered to fill in!”

Dylan blushed, looking away to keep you from seeing. “That’s great. This will be so much fun. Let’s um… let’s get into place.”

You grabbed his hand before he could run off, Dylan glancing back at you. “Dyl, you gotta relax. Remember, you are Void Dylan now. You can’t be the awkward turtle we know you are. It’s time to be the cocky, sexy man we know you want to be.”

“Cocky, sexy man?” he said, casting you a small smirk. You flushed a bright red, blowing a raspberry at the male. “I’ll have to remember that. Let me go put my cocky cap on, now.” Dylan gave you a simple wink, your legs going weak at the action. It seemed as if a switched was flipped inside him, turning Dylan into the cocky Void right away.

You sat down on the steps of someone’s trailer, watching them beginning to film the After After show segment. Tyler stood in front of the camera, a sullen look on his face as he talked about how “changed” Dylan since he had become Void. Dylan was off to the side, staring at Tyler, a smile engraved on his face until he had to do his own part. Tyler cleared his throat before beginning in his lines.

“Yeah, Dylan and I used to be, like, really good friends. And, ever since he’s become Void, he’s just been like… he’s just not the same.” His hand reached to his neck, scratching at it. “It’s almost like I don’t even know him anymore, ya know?”

Dylan’s smile dropped, instantly sending Tyler an annoyed and disappointed look. His arms crossed over his chest, his muscles flexing even through the baggy hoodie he was wearing. You bit at your lip, memorizing the look on his face since it was a look he never had. Something gnawed on the back of your mind, telling you that he looked incredibly sexy like this.

The camera panned to him, Tyler instantly becoming flustered. “I was just answering a question that they asked me about you. I wasn’t… They wanted to know. No I didn’t-“

Dylan rolled his eyes, beginning to walk away. “Amateur hour! Fucking amateur hour.”

Tyler’s mouth open and closed as he tried to talk, watching Dylan disappear between some trailers. He let out a large sigh, looking at the camera. “I hate you guys.”

“Cut!”

The second they screamed cut, you burst out laughing, sliding off the steps of the trailer to the asphalt. Tyler broke into laughter with you, Dylan coming back with a smile on his face. Dylan jogged over, extending a hand to help you up, which you eagerly accepted.

His arm looped around your waist, tugging you close. He leaned in, his hot breath hitting your face. “So, was that Void enough for you yet?” He asked, his voice slightly dark and husky. His tone was arousing, your body trembling in his arms, sending waves of desire throughout your body.

Your hands rested on his biceps, giving them a light squeeze. “You’re getting there. Definitely more Void than before we started,” you replied, trying to put on the most seductive act you could. His arms tightened around you, his eyes twinging with a dark glint.

“Oh, I don’t like you being cheeky. You know that. If you start being bad now, Y/N, I might need to punish you later,” he mumbled, his lips nearly on yours. Your mind jumped back to practicing for the Stydia kiss, remembering how soft his lips were against yours. You never had intended on kissing him when you offered to help him practice, but the spur of the moment decision was the best decision of your life. It was beyond amazing, never leaving your mind afterwards, and, for a split second now, you wanted to know what they felt like again.

You backed away, reaching into the purse that was slung over your shoulder and pulling out the sunglasses that you were wearing that morning. Slipping them on his face, leaving them resting on his nose, you smiled up at him. “There. Now you’re even cockier. I mean, who in their right mind wears sunglasses at night?”

Dylan smirked, smacking your ass playfully before he walked away. “Only Void, baby!”

Tyler called Dylan over, giving him an odd look at the sunglasses on his face. “Why are you wearing sunglasses, Dyl?”

Dylan laughed, pushing them further up on the bridge of his nose. “Because I��m fucking Void. Got a problem with that?” He told Tyler, a smile on his face.

“Nope. It works, bro. It works.”

They resumed filming, but you couldn’t sit and watch. The way Dylan was acting set your body aflame. There was something about seeing him cocky and acting like a dick that was intriguing. You leaned on a trailer, watching Tyler holding a water bottle, Dylan approaching him from the side.

“Hey bro-“

Dylan smacked the water bottle from his hand, Tyler gawking at him. “What’s up bitch!” He turned back to Tyler, walking backwards a few steps. “Oh, was that your water? That sucks. Haha!” Dylan was stumbling in the background as they filmed Tyler fake crying, his arms spread wide. “Who wants my fucking autograph!”

“I hate Void Stiles so much,” Tyler cried walking away.

However, your eyes remained with Dylan. He stumbled to the ground, sunglasses still on his perfect face. You shuffled on your feet, watching the cocky male acting out, even when not on camera.

“Fuck,” you mumbled, rubbing your legs together. Sure, you always thought Dylan was handsome and funny. He honestly was one of your best friends because he was such a genuine person. Hell, you would even go as far as saying you had a tiny crush on him, trying to keep it under wraps ever since you kissed him in the locker room set for fear of ruining the relationship you had. But this side of him was something else.

It was attractive. It was sexy. It was making you horny beyond belief.

Indecent thoughts filled your head, thinking about him holding you tightly against him, your sweaty skin sticking to his. You wanted to feel his mouth against yours, his tongue fighting with against yours. You wanted his hands to roam your body, touching every intimate part you had, something very few had done, but there was that inkling that he would do it better than anyone in the past. You could vividly imagine how it would feel to have his giant cock buried inside you, moaning like you heard when you tucked him in on set.

Because yes, you heard him alright. He’s not quiet by any means. And who wouldn’t feel the erection he was sporting that day. You had feared mentioning it, not wanting to make things awkward, so you kept it in the back of your mind.

You broke from your thoughts when two arms wrapped around you from behind, the persons face burying in your neck. You jumped at their touch, turning just enough so see the tinted lens of the sunglasses covering Dylan’s darkened hazel eyes. He grinned, placing a kiss to your neck.

“What up, baby? What’s your fucking name?” he joked, continuing with his Void act. He wasn’t sure where the surge of confidence came from, but his arms burned against your skin, your baggy sweater riding up from his hug. His body pressed against yours, his cock pulsing in his pants from the close proximity. He wasn’t sure if you felt the growing bulge, but at this second, he didn’t mind or care if you found out. His confidence was at 200% because of this segment.

Your hands rested on his, nuzzling your cheek with his playfully. “I dunno. I kind of like you calling me baby.” You turned in his arms, licking your lips slowly. “I don’t think I need another name, unless you’re screaming it later,” you joked, a blush spreading on his cheeks. A laugh escaped your lips, breaking from his arms. “I’m joking, Dyl.” Or am I? “Let’s go. We have some scenes to get ready for.”

Dylan internally groaned, following close behind you. He ran a hand through his hair, entering his trailer for the next part of the segment. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he adjusted himself in his khakis and pulled his phone from his pocket, waiting to hear the knock on the door.

The knock came moments later, Dylan placing the phone to his ear as if he were talking to someone. “Hang on, hang on. It’s this fucking bitch I work with,” he said loudly, opening the trailer door to see you staring up at him. He fought to keep himself from collapsing at the sight of you, or vomiting from his overwhelming anxiety and embarrassment from calling you a bitch.

“Sorry, we’re ready for you whenever you are,” you told him, shuffling from the pool forming between your legs. Dylan stared down at you, a confident look on his face, pulling the phone from his ear.

“Oh, you’re ready for me?” You mumbled a small “yeah” at his words, Dylan giving a smug look. “Oh, that’s funny. That’s very funny. I’m not exactly ready for you so, um, take it easy.” The phone came back to his ear, turning away from you. His eyes drifted to you still as he talked, but he was glad they were shielded by the sunglasses you put on him. “Yeah, I’m sorry, just one sec.”

The sunglasses were ripped from his face, sending you a dark look that caused your heart to jump inside you, the erratic beating heard in your ears. “Yeah, you see these? I could fucking kill you. Now, get out of my sight.”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” you mumbled, trying to keep your composure.

“You see these? Get out of my sight. Get out of my sight!”

You turned away, running a hand through your hair. Though it seemed like it was for the scene, it was more to break the gaze with Dylan you had, afraid you would launch yourself at him on the spot. “You held the radio wire to your mouth, mumbling into it. “It’s um. It’s gonna be another five to ten.”

Dylan cast you a look, you instantly telling him it’s alright. He placed the glasses on his face again, turning away to close the door. “Yeah, sorry about that. All right, what’s the offer? Well, if they don’t have a fucking offer, I don’t want it.”

The second the door clicked shut, you sighed in relief, attempting to relax. Your mind was reeling uncontrollably, your emotions and thoughts getting worse the longer you were near.

Dylan felt the same. He collapsed on his couch, taking a sip of the beer he left on his counter earlier. “Fuck, I can’t keep going on like this,” he mumbled to himself, ruffling his hair. “I either need to tell her and ruin what we have, fuck her and ruin what we have, or risk my dick exploding because all she does in turn me on. In all cases, I don’t win, because there is no way she will like me.”

If only he knew.

He walked out of his trailer, seeing you talking to the camera in the distance. On a whim, he decided to improvise. He walked closer, hearing you say, “He’s, um. He’s been a little on edge.”

“The hell you saying? The fuck you just say?”

Hearing his voice, you turned in the other direction, running off with a small curse. Dylan followed after you, out of the view of the camera. “Hey! Who’s on edge?”

“Nobody, nobody, nobody’s on edge!”

He trapped you against the trailer for a second, his face close to yours. His hands ran up and down your body, leaving it tingling. “Fuck,” he mumbled, the camera and microphone not picking it up. “Why are you so amazing?”

“Dylan,” you whispered unconsciously, your lips nearly on his. It felt, for just a second, like it was just you two. Like this was a cheesy romance movie and he would lean forward to kiss his princess. There was even a hint of lust in the air, you both ready to rip your clothes off and ride the night away in each other’s arms.

But it wasn’t as it seemed.

Dylan pulled away, scurrying around the trailer and fixing the sunglasses like always. “I’m not on fucking edge. I’m a fucking badass.”

You were at your final straw. You couldn’t keep going on like this. You sat on the ground against the trailer, sighing and asking yourself. “What do I do?”

You remained still for a while, finally deciding to find the others before they came to find you. You found them some ways away, Dylan stumbling to stand up, clutching Tyler by the shirt and… smelling him? He backed away, struggling to hold himself up on the railing of some stairs.

He began walking away, three simple words hitting your ears and solidifying every feeling you had that night. Three simple words told you that you needed to o something about this boy because he had officially driven you off the deep end. You needed him, and soon, even if it meant you couldn’t face him for a while.

“I FUCKING RULE!”

Dylan fell between some stairs, faking like he was throwing up and saying he was needing help. Tyler rushed to his side, a smile on your face as you knew what to do. You ran around the other trailers to see them.

“Oh my god. Okay, I found him. Come on, Dylan, we have to go.” You helped Tyler lift Dylan, the dead weight of the male more than you thought it would be. Must be all of that muscle you never see on him but know it’s there. You tried to convince him to “come to set to film this scene” but he wouldn’t listen.

Finally, you walked away, listening to the last bit of Tyler and Dylan’s skit.

“You changed man,” Tyler said, walking away. Is it wrong I like this side of him though? Was all you thought at Tyler’s words.

Dylan laid on the steps, breathing heavily. “I have to change wardrobe?” It went silent for a second, before you heard him continue, “The fuck you looking at? What the fuck you looking at?” A loud clang followed, ad you assumed he fell against the metal steps again before standing up.

“And, cut!”

The second you heard those words, you were off. You needed to get away, and out of sight before you tackled him in plain sight. So, you did the next best thing – slunk off to his trailer to wait for him to return. You mulled over the silent decision you made to approach him on this, unsure how you were actually going to talk to him.

What was the right action? Talk to him and confess the way you’ve been feeling for weeks? Tell him that you liked him since you kissed him out of thin air. Tell him you want more than friendship, even though you were his boss’ younger sister whom he was very protective of? Or, choose to say nothing. The second he walks through the door, attack him with your whole being. Show him a good time, and have him return it tenfold, assuming he was willing. Then, either act as if nothing happened tomorrow and move on or become awkward around each other.

You paced the length of his trailer, contemplating what to do, stopping only once to pilfer a beer from his fridge, popping the top off quickly. Taking a long swig of the bitter liquid, you ran a hand through your hair, letting out a frustrated groan. “Where is he? He should be here by now,” you grumbled, finally collapsing on the couch. “What do I even do when he gets here?”

The universe seemed to hear your cries, your ears picking up on the faint laughs of Dylan and Tyler as they walked back to Dylan’s trailer. “I’ll see you in a bit, Tpose!” Dylan called out, the handle of his trailer twisting under the weight of his hand, the door being pushed open slowly. He didn’t seem to notice you when he first entered, kicking off his black Nike shoes he was wearing that day. The sunglasses were still on his face, causing you to bite you lip slightly at the sexy look.

Dylan turned around after a second, spotting you settled into his couch, stopping in his tracks. He slowly took off the sunglasses on his face, his honey colored eyes wide. “U-um, Y/N? Hi. What are you doing here? You disappeared when we were done. I thought you left.”

You bit your lip, taking a sip of the beer and placing it on his table, standing slowly to strut over to him. Dylan took a step back for every step forward you took, his back finally finding a small dresser. The contents were knocked off the top as his hands attempted to find a way to keep him up, even his Mets hat falling to the ground. Your hands rested on his chest, your body acting on its own, wanting to embrace the Void Dylan you watched for the past two hours outside.

You guessed it decided on its own on the latter choice: act now, talk later.

Your finger traced small circles on his chest through his hoodie, looking up at him slowly, fluttering your lashes. “Well, Void, I have a problem,” you started slowly, Dylan licking his lips.

“Is it something I can help with?” He asked, trying to keep calm.

“Well, you see, I haven’t been the most pure person today. You see, I’ve been rather naughty to you, Dyl. I bothered you while you were on the phone because you had to come to set.”

Dylan shuffled against the dresser, sweating profusely in his hoodie. His khakis grew tighter from his growing cock, a low groan rolling off his tongue. “Well, what do you want me to do about it?”

You grinned, leaning up at him. “Don’t you remember, Dyl? You said if I was cheeky, you would have to punish me.” Your lips brushed against him softly, whispering against them. “So, I want you to punish me. Show me how Void you can be.”

Dylan’s eyes darkened with immediate arousal, pushing his lips against yours without a moment’s notice. Not that you minded, of course. His soft, sweet lips molded against yours perfectly, a spark running throughout your body multiple times. His arms wrapped around your waist, holding you taut against him, fast, hot kisses shared between you. The sound of your kisses filled the trailer, your bodies hot against each other.

His tongue darted out, licking at your lips as if asking for entrance. You smiled into his kiss, denying him the access he desired. The man in front of you didn’t seemed to take that well, as he broke away from you, glaring down at you.

“Come on, baby. Why would you want to deny this?” He said, his tone exuding confidence. His hands slowly trailed down your back, grinning largely. “Don’t you want my tongue playing with yours? Or, maybe you just want to feel my hands all over your body instead,” he stated, his hands firmly grasping your ass through your jeans.

A squeal left your lips, though it was drowned out quickly by Dylan’s lips enveloping yours in a dominating kiss. His tongue bypassed your quickly, pressing against yours in a playful manner. Your eyes drifted closed, hands clenching his hoodie tightly, his hands relentlessly massaging at your ass cheeks. Any noise you released was lost in his throat, your pussy beginning to ache for the same attention he was showing your mouth and ass.

Your fingers fiddled with the zipper on the hoodie, tugging it down slowly. Dylan pushed off the dresser, backing you up further into the trailer, tugging off your baggy sweater you were wearing, almost ripping the loose fabric in his haste. His lips found yours again in a messier kiss, pushing the hoodie off his shoulders and letting it pool on the floor behind him.

He broke away abruptly, his hands on your waist. He guided you to the center of the trailer, giving you a strict look. “Stay right there.”

You grinned at him, gripping the bottom of his shirt before he left. “I will do whatever you want on one condition.” His eyebrow raised, questioning you silently. “Put the sunglasses back on.”

He couldn’t keep from smiling, nodding. “Who do you think I am?” He asked, placing the sunglasses on the bridge of his nose as he collapsed on the couch, pulling the ripped gray shirt he wore on set over his head. He leaned back against the couch, one arm slung over the back, the over resting on his leg. His legs were spread apart widely, an obvious bulge in the crotch of his pants. “I’m fucking Void, baby. And Void wants you to strip for him.”

You bit your lip, shifting your weight between your feet. It had been a while since you had been with a guy, but being with the man you have been crushing on for weeks, if not longer without knowing it? Stripping for said man? He already rid you of your top, leaving you just in your bra and jeans, so what was the purpose of this? Your nerves were rattling inside you, but you fought them back, attempting to keep a calm demeanor.

“Whatever you want, baby,” you finally replied confidently. Your hips shifted as you ran your hands up and down your body, closing your eyes to focus on the task at hand. Your hands carefully ran through your hair, spin around to shake your ass at him. With your back to him, you unhooked your bra, letting it fall to the floor unforgotten.

Turning back to him, your heard Dylan grunt loudly. Curious as to why, your eyes cracked open, slowly absorbing the sight in front of you. In the time you were dancing for him and taking off your bra, he had unbuttoned his khakis, them and his boxers gathered at his knees. His hand was wrapped around his erect cock, jerking it gently between his digits. You could make out the red tip peeking out from his clenched hand, tidbits of precum seeping from the slit onto his stomach.

“Why’d you stop baby? Be a good girl and keep going,” he muttered, his voice deep and husky. You moaned, your hands fumbled, in a not so sexy manner, with the button your jeans. Wiggling your hips side to side, your jeans fell to the floor, kicked into the corner with the sandals on your feet. “Fuck, that’s right, baby. Show me what you got.”

You moaned quietly, your fingers brushing over your clothed heat. “Dyl, do you know how sexy you sound when you are like this?”

His hand moved faster, stroking his cock faster, loud grunts following his action. You assumed that was his response, knowing he knew full well what he was doing to you. You grinned, playing with the edges of your panties, rubbing your thighs together to relieve the pressure between them.

The chocolate-haired male glanced at you through half-lidded eyes, his hand never slowing around his cock. “Come on, baby. Panties. Off.”

You complied, letting the ruined, cotton fabric drop to the floor, leaving them abandoned and surely not missed. Your walked over to the hoodie he left on the floor, bending over to pick it up, intentionally giving Dylan a perfect view of your ass and pussy. He groaned louder than before, watching your juices leak from your core, your round ass amazing to him.

You looked at him over your shoulder, putting on your best sexy walk over to him and dropping the hoodie on his head. Dylan sighed noisily, letting go to pull the hoodie off his head. In the time he let go, you dropped to your knees between his, your fingers replacing his missing ones around his length.

The striped fabric was dropped onto the couch, Dylan staring down at you. “And what do you think you’re doing?” He asked, a cocky smile appearing on his face. All he got was a hum in response, your hand gently stroking his shaft. Your lips tenderly kissed at the tip, tongue swiping along the slit to taste his precum. His eyes remained focused on you slouching further into the couch. “Fuck, baby. You’re so good at this. But you should suck me if you’re gonna tease me.”

You hummed again, fully wrapping your lips around his tip. You heard him groan, his fingers tangling in your hair. He felt you smile around him, your tongue rubbing the tender spot on the head of his cock. His fingers curled tighter into your hair, nails scraping at your scalp, his body racking with spasms occasionally.

You began to bob your head quickly, your hand pumping what could fit in your mouth. Dylan’s hand in your hair partially guided your movements, his moans growing louder as he watched you. You traced along the prominent, pulsing vein on the underside of his shaft, your moan vibrating his cock.

“That’s right, baby,” he moaned, bucking his hips unconsciously against you. He missed the slight gagging sound you made at his action, his mind completely focused on the intense pleasure he was feeling. “You like sucking my cock, baby? You want me to cum for you?”

You nodded quickly, bobbing your head faster, burying your nose in the dark hairs at the base of his shaft. Dylan groaned at the deeper feeling, the hollowing of your cheeks tightening the feeling around him. The tip tapped at the back of your throat repeatedly, your moans released simultaneously. Dylan mumbled incoherently, his hips bucking forward again, his cock twitching against your cheeks.

Normally, you weren’t one to enjoy the taste of cum, opting out of the guy you were with at the time shooting his load into your mouth. But Dylan was different. Call it crazy, but you wanted nothing more than to feel his hot, slick cum sliding down your throat, warming your insides. And that was exactly what you got. A few deep bobs of the head and a few bucks of the hip and his eyes squeezed shut. Loads of cum spewed from his tip, straight down your throat, your insides burning with happiness at the salty sweet liquid waterfalling into your mouth.

You pulled away slowly, dribbles of cum dripping from your lips, your tongue swooping out to gather the lost bits quickly. Dylan looked down at you, his eyes shielded by the sunglasses, a wide smile on his face. “That felt really fucking good. But I think you can agree that we need more now.”

You stared up at him, biting at your lip, your mind wandering away. “Fuck you look good in my sunglasses. All I can think about is you bending me over and fucking me while just wearing those and your hoodie,” you stated bluntly, blushing when you realized you said that out loud. “Fuck. Shit. I mean…”

Dylan grasped your arms, helping you stand with him, lacing his lips on yours. The kiss was more passionate than the ones prior, your legs growing weak. He pulled away, lips brushing with yours as he talked. “Well, let’s make that a reality then. Bend over for me, baby.”

He spun you around, taking a second to kick off his pants and boxers, and sliding the striped hoodie back onto his body. He left it unzipped, wide open, sunglasses on his face. It would have been a perfect time to selfie with him if he wasn’t about to fuck you into oblivion. With a simple shove of the hand against your back, your hands pressed to the plush couch, your ass sticking out for Dylan.

He rubbed his hand against your ass, smacking it so a loud sound resonated throughout the trailer. A moan fell from your lips, Dylan chuckling at the noise. He slapped your other ass cheek, relishing in hearing the noises you let out. Your nails clawed at his couch, small shreds getting caught under them.

“You like that, baby?” He taunted, watching you nod your head. He grasped his cock, stroking it a few times to make sure he was hard before sliding it through your folds. “Well, you’re going to like this a lot more.”

His hips jolted forward, his length smoothly sliding inside you thanks to your copious amounts of juices that had leaked out. Moans fell from you both, Dylan locking his fingers on your waist, stilling himself inside you when he bottomed out. His shaft throbbed against your walls, every tiny pulse or twitch causing your walls to clench around him.

“Dyl, why are you so big?” you asked, referring to the length and girth of his cock. He was definitely larger than anyone you had ever been with. He filled you to the brim, your bodies combining in perfect harmony.

“I’m just that good, baby,” he mumbled, beginning to pull out slowly. You trembled at the rub against your sensitive walls, Dylan shoving himself back in with one shot when he was nearly freed. He repeated this process, his fingers digging into your sides.

“Faster, Dyl. Please, harder,” You whined at him, glancing back at his smile. Though his eyes were covered, you could see the shine they held, knowing he was enjoying this. His fingers dug into your waist, that pace of his hips bucking into yours quickening. The sound of slapping skin filled the small confines of the trailer, mixing with the growing volume of your moans.

Dylan grunted loudly, thrusting himself into you as fast as he could. He pulled your hips back to meet his thrusts, allowing the tip to tap your sweet spot continuously. Every time he touched it, your body shook, each one more violent than the last. Dylan felt you tremble under his fingers, your walls convulsing around him occasionally. You were tight to begin with, but every rough thrust he gave you, you grew tighter, hugging him close.

“Fucking hell, baby. You’re so tight. Are you close?” He mumbled lowly. You couldn’t muster an answer, a light scream of his name released instead. “Holy fuck, that was amazing. Do that again.” He pulled you against his more, his foot propping itself up on the couch to give him a different angle to thrust at. Your back arched, ass perking up against his pelvis, allowing him to pound away as much as he wanted at your bruised and battered pussy.

He smacked your ass a few times as he pounded into you, the sting resonating throughout your being, amplifying the pleasure that was already present. You couldn’t think straight, your body practically shutting down under the overwhelming feeling he was giving you. Your eyesight was beginning to spot, your body uncontrollably spasming, your pussy closing around him.

You barely registered it when it happened. You faintly heard Dylan groan behind you, his pace picking up slightly when you came around him. Your fluids splattered around him, walls tightening around him repeatedly. His cock became slick from your release, easily gliding in and out of your tight walls. You moaned his name loudly.

Dylan stilled suddenly inside you, taking the chance to push the sunglasses back up on his nose, the frames having started slipping off in his wild thrusting. His cock was pulsing ferociously, almost at that point that he was going to shoot ever drop of sperm inside you. But he wasn’t ready to cum again.

He needed more.

He pulled out of you as your relaxed, dropping himself onto the couch. You straightened yourself as best as you could, your legs weak from your orgasm. Your gaze landed on the talented actor you had feelings for, the hoodie spread wide open, giving a perfect view of his toned chest, a patch of hair adorning his flawless skin, though not hiding the mole above his right nipple. The one mole reminded you of the moles you had memorized along his cheeks throughout the fears, giving him a picture-perfect appearance. He had this strip of hair down his faint ab lines, leading to the giant cock that stood proudly, wet and glistening from your own juices.

He pat his lap, tugging you by the hand a moment later so you straddled him. He probed your entrance, biting at his lip to suppress his moans. You smiled, noticing his short action. You shifted atop him, using one hand to align him with you completely, sliding down until he was completely sheathed in your pussy.

You rolled your hips against his quickly, not needing to take time to adjust to his large size this time. The male under you just groaned, hips jerking up to meet yours. His hands held your waists, guiding you on top of him, his cock sliding into you as godly speeds.

He leaned back as far as he could, glancing down between your sweaty bodies to watch him disappear inside you, emerging coated in more and more juices. His eyes slowly trailed up your body, watching your naked breasts bounce with your thrusts, your nipples perky and ripe for sucking. He stared at your face for a second, noting your eyes clenched shut, bottom lip between your teeth, light moans slipping out between your pants.

He released your waist, taking your arms and wrapping them around his neck. Your nails instantly dug into his skin, raking long red scratched down his back in pleasure. Dylan took the chance to lean forward, lips wrapping around your nipple, carefully kissing at it hardened peak as they bounced. His hand flew to the other breast, massaging it between his skilled fingers and tweaking at the bud. Your eyes rolled back in delight, his tongue lapping at the perky bud, tugging at it with his teeth and lips.

“Shit, Dyl,” you mewled, releasing his shoulders to grip his face and pulling it from your chest. The sunglasses shifted awkwardly on his nose, giving you a view of his darkened eyes. “God, your eyes are still so beautiful. I like you way more than I ever thought I would,” you mumbled without thinking, leaning forward to crash your lips to his.

Dylan never thought, in a million years, he would hear you say that. He wasn’t sure if it was because of the moment, or if it was because your truly liked him, but at this moment, he didn’t care. The only thing he cared about was being with you right now, pleasing you. Then, when all is said and done, he would confess the crush he had on you for years.

His lips enveloped yours instantly, taking control of the kiss, pushing u into you. Your bodies pressed deeply into each other, never ceasing the movements between them. Arousal coursed through your veins, ending in your groins, the feelings swapping between his pulsing cock and your tight pussy. Your tongues tangled in harmony, neither of you wanting this to end.

Dylan’s lips didn’t leave yours, his hand dipping between your bodies to rub rough circles on your clit. His skin was smooth, but his touch was coarse, rubbing faster circles on the swollen nub, tracing the letters of his name. Your noises were lost between his lips, not that either of you cared.

A shiver ran down your spine, knowing you were nearing your end for the second time that night. You pulled from his lips, your breathing increasing, Dylan smiling up at you. He ripped the glasses from his nose, dropping them on the cushion beside him, allowing him to stare directly into your eyes instead of behind the tinted lenses. No words were shared, just Dylan’s arms wrapping around you and hugging your body close.

You orgasm rocked your body, traveling into his unknowingly. Your juices flowed freely around him, soaking into every pore along his shaft, causing him to pulsing excitedly. Your back arched you closer to him, toes curling into the nothingness of air. Your noses brushed against each other, pants hitting your faces from the other. Your eyes fluttered shut, relishing in the feeling of your orgasm and his tip twitching into your g-spot.

Dylan groaned, lifting you off him, leaving you on his lap. His fingers wrapped around his cock, fisting it twice before he, too, came somewhat violently. Strings of his hot, white cum sewed from the tip, landing in various spots on his stomach and chest. He moaned loudly, his body jerking with his release. He was sure, in his mere twenty-two years, he had never had a better orgasm.

His body calmed, yours leaning forward into his and resting your head on his shoulder. Your nose buried into his neck, inhaling the sweet scent of his cologne. You didn’t care if he had his release on his body and it was smearing on yours. You just wanted to be near him.

“Did you mean it?” he asked quietly. His hand reached up to pet your hair, your body relaxing into his light touch. “Did you mean it when you said you liked me?”

You jumped back, a dark red blush spreading across your face. “I-I said that?”

“You did,” he chuckled, one hand reaching up to rest on your cheek. His fingers skimmed across your skin, leaving it tingling. “I’m really hoping you meant it, because I like you too. So, so much. You have no idea.”

You blinked, locking eyes with the handsome man of your affection. “Really?”

He nodded, leaning up to peck your lips before he spoke. “I have for years. You’re always on my mind. But I’ve never had the balls to say anything because I was afraid you didn’t feel the same. I didn’t want to lose my best friend because I had feelings for her. Intense feelings. Like, so intense, I’m pretty sure it borderlines on love at this point. And I’m still worried that you’re too good for me and-“

You cut him off, pressing your lips to his in a soft kiss. His breathing slowed, relaxing into your action. When you pulled away, Dylan licked at his lips, seeing the faint smile on your lips. “You’re rambling, Dyl. You’re back to being the awkward turtle I know and love.”

“Really?”

“Of course,” you told him, wrapping your arms around his neck, playing with the hairs on his neck. “But I really liked Void Dyl, too. You can bring him out more often in bed. He could demand anything of me and I would willingly do it. Because, fuck, you are sexy when you are cocky and in control.”

“I think we can do that,” he laughed, stopping seconds later. “Wait, more often in bed? Like, doing this again?”

You bit your lip, nodding. “Well, I figured that you like me, and I like you. Why not like each other together?”

“Are,” he started, cocking his head cutely, “are you asking me out?”

“Maybe I am,” you replied cheekily, pressing your lips to his in another short kiss. “Only if you want, of course.”

“If I want? Do you know how long I’ve dreamed of calling you my girlfriend? Fuck, I would never have sex again if that meant we could be together.”

“Well, good thing you don’t have to,” you joked. “I kind of need your dick after tonight. You’re a little too good to not have every day.”

“Ugh, I love you already. Please marry me,” he said, half joking and half serious. You just smiled, hugging him close, nuzzling into his neck again. You both sat in silence, Dyl running his fingers up and down your back, your breathing in sync. This was a perfect moment and nothing could ruin it. It was just you, your boyfriend, and his cum coating your bodies.

Till a knock sounded from the door. You both pulled apart, Dylan’s eyes widening. “Fuck! Shit. I was supposed to meet Tyler at his trailer a half hour ago,” he said, moving you onto the couch and grabbing some tissues, cleaning himself quickly after he glanced at the time. “We were going out for drinks. Ugh, he’s going to kill me.”

He handed you some tissues, turning on his heel to run around gathering all your clothes. You watched his cute ass peeking out from the bottoms of his hoodie rush to gather all the loose articles of clothes, stripping the hoodie off to put on a fresh shirt from his closet. You cleaned the sticky mess on your skin, slowly getting dressed, ignoring the throb from your pussy.

You clipped your bra, adjusting the straps when Dylan rushed over, placing a quick kiss to your lips. “I love you, baby. I will call you later,” he said quickly, rushing towards the door. He stopped before he opened it, glancing at you. “Um…”

“It’s fine. I love you too, Dyl.”

He smiled, opening the trailer door. Posey was sitting on the steps opposite his, playing on his phone. “Ty, I’m so sorry,” he said, shutting the door behind him. “I uh… I lost track of time.”

“Because you were busy fucking someone?” Tyler joked, Dylan blushing. “I’m scarred for life, Dyl. I never knew a girl could scream so loud for you. Who was it anyway?”

“Um, it was um…” He paused, tugging at his collar as he grew warm. “Y/N.”

Tyler’s eyes widened, mouth falling open. “No fucking way. You finally got your dream girl?” Dylan nodded, Tyler jumping up to bro hug him. ‘Congrats dude! I’m so proud of you! Are you dating now or was it a one night stand?”

“Thanks, dude. We are dating, for your information. She asked me out, surprisingly. Not that I’m complaining. I’ve dreamed of this for years now.”

Tyler nodded, speaking up quietly. “How is Jeff going to handle this when he finds out?”

Dylan’s eyes widened at his words, groaning and covering his face. “Fuck. Ty,” he started, whispering the end, “I just fucked my boss’s sister. I’m so boned if he finds out.”

Tyler didn’t get a chance to respond, the sound of the trailer door shutting upon your departure. You slowly descended the stairs, glancing at the boys. “I will take care of Jeff tomorrow. Don’t worry boys.” You turned to Dylan, kissing him fully on the lips. “You should stop by later. So we can… talk some more about this relationship,” you whispered slyly, Tyler smirking at Dylan’s flushed face. You glanced at Tyler, smiling. “See you tomorrow, Tpose.”

You turned on your heel, sending them a wink as you began strutting away. Dylan watched you shake your ass as you walked away, groaning as his began straining in his pants again. “Dude,” Tyler began, leaning on him. “Are you going to let that get away right now? Also, damn, why is she so cool right now?”

Dylan didn’t reply, both boys hearing you call out jokingly. “Because I fucking rule!”

Dylan groaned, knowing you were saying that because of his Void act. “Fuck. That was hot,” he mumbled to himself. He pat Tyler’s hands on his shoulders, not looking away from you. “I’m gonna have to take a rain check. I have some… prior commitments.”

Tyler laughed, shoving the flustered man in the direction of his girlfriend. “Go get her, tiger.”

Dylan didn’t say anything, just cast him a thankful look before taking off after you. Tyler watched Dylan’s arms wrap around your waist, leaning down to kiss your cheek as you left together, fingers entwining together. He smiled, knowing his friends were finally happily together.

“I might hate Void Stiles, but I love Void Dylan,” he mumbled to himself, heading to his truck.

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