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destiniesfic · 3 years

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132 Hours, Chapter 15

“I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“But that’s ridiculous,” I protest. “You hurt me all the time.”

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The day is bright and pleasant, but the sunlight and soft breeze are an assault on my senses after my time underground. I limp to the ambulance, which is parked on the grass, rear doors open, waiting for me. I ease myself to sit in the back, next to Cardan, who inexplicably has a blanket tightly wrapped around his shoulders. When I’m no longer standing, I sigh. I’d thought that after sitting and lying down for days I’d be desperate to move, but it turns out I’m actually very tired. When no one is looking at us, Cardan leans over and nuzzles my nose with his.

I smile at him weakly. Everything is too much and not enough. It seems to me that I am watching Madoc and Balekin talk to the detectives from very far away, like they are characters on a TV show. I just want to go back to the Amagansett house—or my actual house, hours away—and curl up in a bed that’s mine. But that fantasy leads to complications too. What will Oriana say when she learns what I’ve done? What will Taryn say?

Not wanting to spiral, I search for anything else to talk about. “Are you cold?” I ask Cardan, glancing at the blanket.

“Oh, no. It’s for shock or something.” He looks down at himself. His kitschy t-shirt is partially obscured now. “But, you know, free blanket.”

“Yeah,” I say, like that makes perfect sense. My head is spinning. “Was Balekin… happy to see you?”

He sets his jaw. “He was glad I wasn’t dead, I guess. But that’s about the only thing I did right.”

I look down as my fingers curl into my palms. I don’t examine how much I want to wrap my hands around Balekin’s throat. “My dad knows,” I whisper. “About us. I think I’ve talked him out of killing you.”

“That’s good. I’d really rather not die after surviving all of this already.”

“You’re taking this really well.”

Cardan shrugs. “If we’re bonded now, and your father isn’t going to kill me, that means I’m part of your family. Dain is dead, and Balekin will find it harder to touch me.”

“Oh,” I say dully. No wonder he wasn’t that mad at me mating him. We can’t stay in the basement forever, but he still has a way out. It makes sense. I can hardly blame him.

“Not that I’m necessarily thrilled that your dad could have any sway over me, given that he’s maybe a murderer and almost as scary as you are.”

“Right.”

He cocks his head at me, sensing my reticence. “Jude.”

I look away.

He leans over again and nudges the nape of my neck with his nose. “Hey.”

“What.”

Cardan chuckles, but it sounds nervous. “Jude, I’ve thought about mating with you since I was fourteen. And back then it made me feel panicky and trapped—”

“That’s just what every omega wants to hear.”

“God dammit. Look, I’ve always been afraid to want things—not clothes and shoes and shit, things that matter—because they’re always ruined. I always screw them up, or someone else screws it up for me. This is…” Out of the corner of my eye, I see him look down at his hands. “I didn’t want it to happen this way, because who would? But I want to help you through the next heat, and the next one. Actually do it right. I want to be your mate, Jude.”

I turn back around to stare at him, incredulous. “You want that?”

He nods, slowly.

“But you—you didn’t. For days, you didn’t. You held off and it should have been impossible if you actually—wanted me.”

“Well, it felt impossible.” He lets out another nervous chuckle. “I wanted you so bad, but more than that I wanted you to want me. I didn’t want to just go and mount you or whatever the hell I’m supposed to do. For once, I wanted to be better. Sounds crazy, right?”

“Yeah,” I say slowly. “It does. You wanted to mate with me so bad that you didn’t mate with me.”

“Jude. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“But that’s ridiculous,” I protest. “You hurt me all the time.”

“Yeah, I did.” Cardan looks down at his knees. “But not like that. Never like that. I may have made some off-color jokes, but I would never have done what Valerian tried to do. I mean, I hoped I wouldn’t, and now I know.”

“You made me miserable.”

“I know.”

“I definitely shouldn’t want you as a mate.”

“No, I guess you shouldn’t.” Cardan sounds resigned, and hangs his head. “Well, the pheromone marker cleansing is kind of time-consuming and expensive and unpleasant, but I guess—”

I thought hurting him might feel good, but it just feels like a hollow pang in my chest. I ask, “You want me to be your mate, though?”

He looks up at me with those dark eyes. “Yes,” he says.

I nod. “Okay.”

“Okay?” He stares at me, a grin that he doesn’t dare unleash just yet tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Yes. I hated you so much for so long because you smelled so good and you were so mean. So if you could stop being mean for a while, and you’ve proven you have, I think we could find some common ground.”

Cardan sniffs. “Well, I may have to remain a little mean. For the sake of my reputation.”

“We’ll see.”

“You don’t want me totally defanged, do you?”

“I haven’t decided yet.”

He laughs, then he lowers his head to nuzzle again, this time at the bite mark he left on my neck. I am flooded by his delight. From nearby, someone clears their throat. We look up to find a paramedic standing in front of us, face half-hidden by a surgical mask, patiently waiting for us to submit ourselves to examination.

“Oh,” I say. “Uh.”

Cardan, who is utterly without shame, is grinning when he straightens up. “Actually, we’re both fine, thanks.”

“That’s for us to determine,” says the paramedic. Something about him is oddly familiar, but his height and build are totally nondescript. Where could I have seen him before? “To start, we’re going to make sure you’re not concussed.”

Cardan just groans.

The paramedic bends at the waist and takes a penlight out of his pocket. “Just look into the light here for me.”

That voice. It’s the voice. I narrow my eyes at him. It is weird, on second thought, that he’s wearing a mask. It’s not like we’re possibly carrying an infectious disease. Cardan raises his eyebrows, but doesn’t move as the light shines into one pupil. “This is a surprise,” he says, without blinking. “And also, you have to admit, pretty dumb.”

“Suicidal,” I hiss through my teeth. I’m strangely angry. They had to know what a risk it was to come back. They could have gotten away clean. “What are you guys doing here? If my dad catches you—”

“Are you going to tell him?” the Roach asks. He doesn’t sound too worried, which irks me.

I press my lips together, then say, “I should.”

Another of the paramedics kneels at my feet, his sandy head bent. The Ghost. Certainly less conspicuous than the Roach, with his scars. He’s tall, sure, but handsome in a way that’s totally generic. In fact, I’d have a difficult time describing him beyond “tall” and “symmetrical.” He picks up the leg that he shot to dress the wound, once again.

“We had to talk to you,” he says. Always to the point.

Suddenly I am sure that if I turned and looked behind me into the ambulance, the Bomb would wink at me from the driver’s seat. Part of me is relieved they’re okay, and the other part is baffled and horrified at my relief. But they did take care of us through some pretty gross and awful times. They kept me fed, kept me hydrated, kept us company. Maybe it’s natural to feel some degree of attachment.

“Why?” Cardan asks, baffled, as the Roach shines a light in his other eye. “You guys should be on a plane to Morocco by now.”

“Morocco?” I ask.

“It’s pretty. Also, no extradition policy.”

“Why do you even know that?”

Cardan shrugs.

“Look,” the Roach says, “we’re short on time. Your brother and Madoc are going to come over and tell you Dain killed himself out of shame when his plan was discovered. He left a note, confessing, yadda yadda. It’s bullshit. He didn’t commit suicide.”

“What?” Cardan and I ask, in unison.

I shake my head, as if trying to shake off our now unshakeable connection. “Then what happened to him?”

The Ghost doesn’t say anything, or even fully turn his head, but without lifting his eyes from my leg, he somehow indicates where Madoc and Balekin stand, in conversation with the police.

“No,” I whisper. It sounds naive, even to me, but I don’t want to believe Madoc is capable of those horrors, even though the fear our kidnappers expressed when they spoke of him seemed real. “No, it—Dain was a client, he and Madoc were friends—”

“Do you think that would matter if Dain went after Madoc’s family?” the Roach asks.

My stomach turns. “How do you know Dain didn’t kill himself?”

“Because he wouldn’t,” Cardan says quietly. “He’s Dain. He’d think he’s clever enough to find a way out, even if everyone was closing in on him, and he’d probably be right.”

“We don’t know exactly what happened,” the Roach continues. He makes a show of fiddling with the stethoscope around his neck. “We just know that he was increasingly agitated about the way negotiations were going, and then we suddenly had no contact. I went to his office, then to his place. Coroner beat me there. Single gunshot wound to the chest, pistol with his prints on it. Seemed open and shut.”

I sense Cardan’s horror, and look to see that he’s gone pale. I lay my hand on top of his. Something tells me that he doesn’t have much of an issue believing that Balekin is capable of murder, even of a brother. And Cardan clearly didn’t like Dain, but what does that mean for his safety?

“You couldn’t have waited around and told us this in the basement?” I ask, feeling again like I am observing this all from afar, watching a scene in a movie that just happens to star me.

“We didn’t know what Dain told them before he died, so we had to clear out pretty fast. Left your stuff with the cops so you’d be found, left the door unlocked so you could leave whenever you wanted. Besides.” He raises one eyebrow. “You guys were busy.”

I flush; it’s true that Cardan and I couldn’t and wouldn’t have been able to go anywhere once we’d finally given ourselves over to each other. But all of this is too much. “Well, we can’t trust you.”

“You can’t trust your dad,” the Ghost says. “We’ve never lied to you.”

“You did shoot her,” Cardan points out. “Most people would say that’s worse.”

The Ghost just shrugs.

“Look, believe us or don’t,” the Roach says. “But you have to admit that something’s rotten here. You’re going to need help. Eyes and ears. And I also hear that one of you is coming into a very large sum of money and a considerable amount of corporate influence in a little less than a year.”

“There it is,” I mutter.

But Cardan looks delighted. “Do you guys have a business card you can leave with me or something?”

“Are you planning to kidnap anybody?” I demand.

“No, but I could use the help,” Cardan admits. “He’s right. Once I come into that inheritance, there’s going to be a huge target on my back.”

“We’ll call you. In the meantime, you’ve got a clean bill of health.” The Roach pats his shoulder. “Good for you.”

“Thanks, man.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see two figures break away from the detectives and begin approaching us. I say, “You’d better clear out.”

The Roach doesn’t thank me, but he gives me a little nod before disappearing around the side of the ambulance, whistling. That’s what passes for honor among thieves, I suppose. The Ghost remains, having drawn the short straw, his generically handsome features apparently working to render him inconspicuous.

“How is she?” Madoc asks him. I make myself look up at his face and try not to think about how, if what the Roach said is true, he might have recently pulled the trigger on one of Cardan’s brothers. The other brother stands next to him, looking less sour than before.

The Ghost stands. “They’re both good to go,” he says. “It looks like she sprained her ankle a few days ago, but it’s healing well.”

“The wound on her leg?”

“Nothing serious.”

Madoc nods, and then turns to me. The Ghost melts back into the scenery as though he wasn’t even there to begin with. No mystery as to how he got that codename.

Balekin stands at Madoc’s side, both men casting shadows across our knees. Madoc’s arms are folded, and Balekin’s jaw is set. I see his eyes find my hand resting on top of Cardan’s, but for some reason I am not at all worried about censure. Not from him.

Balekin says, “We’ve been given leave to take you back to your homes to rest, provided you return tomorrow to give your statements to the police. No one here wishes to… prolong your ordeal.”

“Wait,” I say, my heartbeat picking up in my chest. “Wait. Nobody’s told us what’s going on. Where’s Dain? How do we know he won’t try again?”

“He’s dead,” Madoc declares. “When he realized he wasn’t going to get away with it, that he had no other recourse…”

I swallow. I had hoped he’d say something else, anything else. “Oh. I see.”

Cardan covers his discomfort with a snicker. “Well, good riddance.”

“We’re hoping you can help us fill in the rest of the gaps once you’re up to sharing what, exactly, happened over the past five days,” Balekin says.

“I don’t know how much help we’ll be,” Cardan replies, shrugging loosely. “If it was Dain, we never saw him. And the guys who took us all wore masks.”

I’m surprised at how easily he lies, but maybe I shouldn’t be. I have to reevaluate everything I thought about his childhood; it probably involved a lot of lying to Balekin. Madoc doesn’t seem to notice anything, and it’s hard to get bullshit by him. He just watches me with a quizzical expression.

“Well, maybe you’ll remember something useful after you’ve had your rest.” Balekin jerks his head toward the waiting car, already beginning to walk away, assuming Cardan will follow. “Come on.”

Cardan glances at me with uncertainty, then begins to stand. I take his hand again and pull him back down. “No.”

Balekin turns around. “What did you say?”

I stand now, keeping hold of Cardan’s hand. “I said ‘no.’ I’m sure you have business back in the city. Cardan can come stay with us.” I look at Madoc and try to reassure myself that he is the safer choice. “There’s plenty of room in the house.”

“There is,” Madoc agrees, his tone carefully neutral.

“So it wouldn’t be too much trouble.”

Balekin looks angry. He doesn’t want to lose his influence on Cardan. “That’s very generous, but I have just gotten my youngest brother back, and I’m not eager to let him out of my sight.”

“He’ll be under Madoc’s protection.”

“You have to admit, it does seem safer,” Cardan chimes in. He seems a little dumbstruck by the way the whole situation is unfolding. Maybe no one’s ever stood up to Balekin before. Certainly

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Balekin says, trying to loom over me. He is tall, but tall doesn’t faze me. “I’m his brother. I’ve been his guardian since he was a child. I will be taking him back.”

“Well, Cardan isn’t a child anymore. He’s an adult, and I’m his mate,” I say, sticking up my chin. “And he is coming with me.”

I yank hard on Cardan’s hand, bringing him to his feet, and start off toward the car Madoc came in. Out of the corner of my eye I see Cardan, smiling, give his brother a shrug. “Omegas,” he says. “What are you gonna do?”

What, indeed. I don’t even know what I am going to do. Everything that happened in the last one hundred and thirty-two hours seems to have pushed us so much further down the road to a strange and dangerous adulthood. I don’t know if either of us are ready for what lies ahead, much less ready to defy our dangerous parental figures or negotiate the relationship we’ll have once I’m in college.

But it doesn’t matter, not right now. Because I have just pulled off a bigger heist than the Ghost, the Roach, and the Bomb could ever dream of. Because Cardan’s hand is in mine. Because his smile is, as always, contagious, so I am smiling too. Because we survived our trial, so maybe we can survive anything. Because he would choose me, and I chose him. Because neither of us is alone. Because he is my mate.

The rest, we’ll figure out when it comes.

#jurdan #jurdan fanfic #judecardan #jude duarte #cardan greenbriar #the cruel prince #the folk of the air #tfota #the wicked king #the queen of nothing #mine: fic #fic: 132 hours

104 notes · View notes

yandere-wishes · 4 years

Text

//Yandere Obey Me//

I’ve been addicted to this game since it’s relese! I just had to write a quick something something! Enjoy!

Lucifer

Lucifer is a sadistic and controlling yandere who wants his darling's pure devotion. He wants his darling to obey him to devote her entire soul to him. To be at his beck and call. In reality, the views his darling as a pet of sorts more than a lover.

He takes a long time to select a darling wanting one that Is already somewhat superior compared to others of their kind. Someone who will be slightly easier for him to mold. He kidnaps you the moment he's sure that you are the right one.

"(y/n)...."

He has so many strict rules that you must follow. They're even worse than the laws set for the other members of the house of lamination. He controls every word you speak, every direction you step in, every person you talk to. He suffocates you with his presence and commands, depriving you of your thoughts until all you can think of him and what he wants.

His punishments are harsh and frequent, even the smallest mistake will earn you many cuts and bruises. He adores physical torment, leaving markings on your flesh, bruises on places you can't cover-up. He relishes in it and the sounds of agony and pain that you make are hymns to his ears.

He also finds pleasure in degrading his darling. Reminding them of how weak and useless they are and how powerful and flawless he is. He even likes to make a show of it sometimes calling you names and even punishing you in front of his brothers.

"Behave yourself!"

Additional notes

He always dresses you in the finest and most lavish dresses. They vary in length and brand but are always in shades of black, grey and red. You always have gold necklaces around your neck, earrings that may be a little too long and bracelets that shimmer far too brightly. He even has a custom made ring with his name in graved in it. It one of his "rules" that that ring is never to leave your finger.

Lucifer loves to hear his darling beg, it proves to him just how much control he has over her. He also enjoys humiliation making you feel ashamed and pleased simultaneously gives him another boost of pride.

Mammon

At first, Mammon views his darling as a possession that he can do with as he pleases. If they're using full he'll keep them around. If they start to bore him then he'll simply get rid of them right....?

Wrong! It doesn't take long for him to notice just how much he wants his darling. That they have to stay close to him for him to remain sain. He has to have them, only he can have them, touch them, hold them, own them.

He shifts so quickly into a possessive obsessive mix. He puts so much time and effort into learning everything about his darling, even certain details she may have not known herself. Still, it's not good enough, something is missing.

"Look (y/n) I don't love you, I own you!"

So he kidnaps them, locking them up in his room away from everybody else. He doesn't see it as a bad thing though. In his eyes, this is the safest option for his lover they are secure and safe and his. What else could they possibly need?

Mammon spares to expenses when it comes to his darling. He gets them the most expensive dazzling jewelry that he can find. All their clothes are over the top and a bit too revealing. Anything they have ever wanted is swiftly given to them. In a sense, it's the only way Mammon knows to show his affection for his lover.

“...Okay maybe just a little”

Additional details

He has a solid gold collar with his "property of the great Mammon" engraved into it. He insists that his darling wears it at all times.

He's very kinky and has very odd tastes in sexual activities. One thing he adores his laying his darling stark naked on a bed covered in grim and other jewels. It's a mix of his two favorite things; wealth and his darling!

Mammon's punishments are usually isolation. It's mostly due to his oversized ego. He believes that depriving you of his "great: presence will be enough punishment. To an extent he is right, Mammon is the only social connection that you have left. Having him leave you for so long crumbles you. By the time he gets back you are quick to hug him while sobbing and promising you'll be a better lover and do anything h says!

He also enjoys soft touches and sweet praises coming from his beloved. It means they like him! It has to! All he really wants is for them to love him.

Leviathan

Levi is very possessive and very easy to drive into a jealous rage. He believes that he knows what's best for his darling, that's why he pushes his interests onto her as much as possible.

He keeps them locked up in his room alongside himself and Henry 2.0. Making them partake in playing video games, watching anime and reading manga with him throughout the day.

"You love me right (y/n)?"

He always dresses you up in "cute" clothing, usually mimicking Ruri-chan's outfits. He even does your hair to look like hers, heck he's probably already died it the same color too.

He's also very clingy wanting you to constantly be touching you. He makes you sit on his lap when he's on his computer. He always has an iron grip on your waist when the two of you are sleeping. Making it hard for you to move and sometimes even breathe.

“Or are you just lying to me?!”

Additional notes Levi loves to role play it's his biggest kink. He loves to reenact scenes from his favorite shows or books with certain sexual twists.

He constantly has you shackled as a sort of reinsurance for himself. He loves you but he doesn't trust you. No matter how well behaved you are there is always still an inkling in the back of his mind saying you'll turn on him somehow.

His punishments are physical and sometimes degrading. If you make him too mad he might not even notice that he's gripping you too tight and leaving bruises. If you go over the board he may even start to punch you while screaming about how much of a "normie" you are and how useless you would be without him!

Satan

Satan is a sneaky and manipulative yandere, he twists all your emotions and thoughts to better suit himself. At first, he may seem like the perfect boyfriend, kind, caring, a true gentleman. And he's happy to play the part to hide his true for just a little while longer.

Slowly Satan will convince you that you don't need your friends or your family members. That they never cared about, that he is the only one that ever truly cared. The thought hurts like salt to a wound. But the more you think about it the more the likely hood grows. It soon becomes evident to you that Satan is the only one that ever loved, ever cared about you! It's the truth it has to be!

Oh, how wrong you are...

"(Y/N) haven't you found out that I'm not the innocent flower..."

He tries all so had to make you into the "perfect darling". Teaching you all formes of etiquette, making you read his favorite books and memorizing the most famous quotes.

Satan will even try to outdo Lucifer. Wanting you to dress and look even more glamorous than his brother darling. He wants everyone to talk about how well behaved and stunning his darling, he wants them all to drip in envy of him and his lover.

"...I'm the serpent underneath"

Additional notes

Satan isn't too big on physical punishments. He prefers scolding you and turning your own emotions on you. He morphs whatever it is you've done to upset him making you believe that he'll leave you and never come back. Despite the hatred you posses for him you still can't bear the thought of him leaving you. It sends you into a maniacal fit. You need him, you don't know why but you do.

He'll have you crying and begging for his forgiveness, clinging onto his leg pleading with him to stay. Promising that you'll be good that you'll never upset him ever again!

Satan likes to keep you close by at all times. One of his favorite things to do is to have you sit on his lap while he reads. Of course, that usually turns sexual very quickly.

Asmodeus

Asmodeus is a very tricky yandere to pin. He's not loyal to his darling he cheats constantly, always has a new "lover" clinging to his arm. At first, he doesn't even really "care" about his darling, they can do whatever they please as long as they always come running when he calls.

But then he sees you with someone else, talking and touching and kiss and... It's too much for him! The sight sickens him to his stomach! He doesn't get it. It shouldn't bother him that you have other lovers, God knows he has plenty. But he can't push the thought away. He needs you to be his to only touch him, to only kiss him, to only be with him!

"(y/n) put this on..."

One night he simply decides to take you. To keep you locked away forever as his own little pet! It's not a difficult task to accomplish, he simply uses calls you over to spend the night. It's happened so many times before that you don't even think twice about it.

The shock -and hindsight- hits you in the morning, when you can't move your aching body. Legs and arms spread at different angles. Asmodeus his sitting next to you tracing pattern of hearts and stars in your bare skin. He's never been so happy! Your all his now!

"...You’ll look so sexy!"

Additional notes Asmodeus uses sexual punishments for when you misbehave. He gets you all turned on and then just leaves you for hours on end. When he gets back -most likely from a party- you'll beg him to take you. Apologizing for misbehaving and vowing to do anything he asks if only he'll take you then and there.

If you've really made him angry than he'll make you watch as he "plays" with another one of his lovers. It'll break your heart but it'll also teach you a valuable lesson. That to him, you are replaceable.

He always dresses you in the most revealing outfits -if they can even be considered as "outfits". He personally does your hair and make up, wanting you to be almost as stunning as he is.

Asmodeus is very clingy he'll always be touching you in some way. It's not always sexual sometimes it's even very casual. Of course, it'll take time before you realize what Asmodeu's version of casual really is.

Beelzebub

Beelzebub is a soft yandere but also very possessive. In his mind, he owns you just as much as you own him! You belong to each other and no one can ever separate the two of you.

He treats you like a goddess, giving you everything you could ever dream of. The cutest stuffies, prettiest clothes, most delicious foods! Anything! Anything at all, say the word and Beel will do anything in his power to obtain it for you.

"I love kissing you..."

But there is another side to the affectionate demon. He's lost so many that he's cared about, he can't lose you! It will destroy him. It's for your own safety that he keeps you locked away in his shared room. It the only way to ensure that no harm comes your way.

Out of the seven brothers, Beelzebub is the most relaxed when it comes to showing off his darling. He wants his brothers to love and accept his darling as they do with him. He also wants his darling to befriend his bothers and their respective darling.

"...Your flavor is so addicting”

Additional notes Beel has a bit of an "older brother" complex especially after the "death" of Lilith. He may treat you as a sibling sometimes other than a lover.

He'll definitely want you to get close with Belphegor and his darling. It may even end up that the twins might share their darlings or go about choosing the same one.

Beel never uses sexual punishments. He prefers to keep sex as a reward much like food. He does, however, force his kinks on to his darling, under the pretext that they'll "learn" to like it/them.

Beelzebub's punishments are typically leaving you on your own. He hates getting mad at you or even hurting you. He'll probably just storm out and come back later after he's let off some steam. Then he'll sit his darling in his lap and ask them why they misbehaved and try to talk it out.

Belphegor

The most delusional yet also most lax of all the seven brothers. In Belphi's mind, the two of you are already dating so there's no need to lock you up or even constantly follow you around.

Sure he gets jealous when he sees you with someone else. But even then all he does is drag you into his room after telling the other person off.

"(y/n)..."

Belphegor has every inch of your flesh marked with wither hickys, love bites, bruises or cuts. He doesn't mind seeing you in pain if it's to "prove" his love for you.

He gets slightly tense when you go outside worrying that something bad might happen to you. That fear is enough to leave him awake. Eventually, he'll give up and just follow you around until you return home.

However, when it comes to school or the house of lamination he'll just leave you be. His brothers are around so you're practically untouchable. Sure some of them (*cough* Mammon and Asmodeus *cough*) are useless but Beeluzbub and Satan are trustworthy enough.

"...Come sleep with me"

Additional notes Belphegor has a very low sex drive. He enjoys marking you and even watching you touch yourself. But that's usually as far as it goes.

He really likes the idea of sharing a darling with Beeluzbub and maybe even Lilith if she was still "alive". It means his darling his much safer than if it was only him looking over them.

100% of the time he will cuddle his darling while he sleeps.

Bonus!

Diavolo

Diavolo is an obsessive type with certain manipulative tendencies. He desperately wants to keep his darling safe from all three species and thinks the only way to do so is to keep them locked up in the devil king’s castle.

He uses blackmail as a means to keep them cooperative. He might just threaten to annihilate their family and friends or maybe he threatens to hurt them.

"I love you.."

Overall Diavolo tires to be as sweet and caring as he can. He rarely uses any painful punishments and even buys them rewards when they've been bad. He's so desperate to prove his love to his darling that it honestly sort of frightening.

Really it wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't always so close and frantic. Always touching you and praising you, kissing you. It's just so so much...

He always has you wearing long heavy dresses that rival those of the victorian era. Delicate golden crowns are elegantly placed in on your head. Nomerues rings and bracelets decore your fingers and wrists

"...My queen"

Additional notes

Diavolo loves to show you off. He wants everyone to see just how amazing you are!

He holds so many events/ parties in your name. "Oh, it's your birthday? Well, now it's going to be celebrated as a national holiday in the Devildom!"

Diavolo regularly plans to get together with Lucifer and his darling. They're mostly quiet tea parties where the boys can discuss matters regarding the student council and how to better control their lovers. While the two darlings whisper about how frighting and annoying their self proclaimed lovers are.

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morkofday · 3 years

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2020 – a (content creator) year in review

I decided to make this into a mix of these two games I was (kinda?) tagged into so thank you for @leonzhng and @tiesanjiao ♥ I hope you don’t mind me doing it like this ^^ all the questions were just so interesting that I wanted to try!

(bc of the amount of questions, I’m placing them under a cut so that I don’t flood anyone’s dash)

(this is the 2020 year in review that hanyi tagged me to ♥ sorry am so late!)

Top 5 Movies you saw this year

wow tbh I didn’t watch many movies this year as I realized yesterday when I was thinking about this for certain reasons. Or at least I feel like I didn’t watch that many? Nothing really stuck with me it seems.

Because of this, I will only mention two: Parasite and The Old Guard. Those were both wonderful in their own ways and I’m very happy I got to watch them both ^^

Top 5 TV shows you watched this year

this one is difficult bc I watched so many (and forgot even more?) but:

The Lost Tomb Reboot (my introduction to DMBJ. this drama stole my heart and helped me through the tough autumn semester!)

Joy of Life (it’s nuts that this happened during 2020? it feels like it was ages ago)

Kingdom (such a positive surprise and I really hope we get more of this :o I really recommend!)

Detective L (easy, nice aesthetics, amazing costumes. Bai Yu was a delight as Luo Fei)

Sand Sea (I am still baffled by how much I loved this bc I had so many doubts? am happy I did tho)

Bonus: Guardian (bc it has come to stay and the rewatch has been so emotional but so rewarding)

Top 5 songs of 2020

this is a tough one too bc I’ve heard so much new music during 2020 but I will try to put it simply:

Black Swan by BTS (I absolutely adore this song. I listened to it on repeat when it came out at the beginning of the year, I have cried for it a ton, I enjoy every stage I see for it and it’s just a masterpiece. it has also helped a bit with my writing struggles that I’ve felt creeping up on me lately)

Always by By The Coast (an amazing song that always leaves me in my feels. inspires me a lot all the time)

Love me or Leave me by DAY6 (this whole album was a masterpiece and I listened to it on loop for like. two weeks? this was my favorite song on it even if I adored the rest too, especially Zombie)

all of my life by Park Won (listened to this a lot in relation to my xicheng and the wedding I finally got to write for them ;; that’s one good thing that came out of this year tbh)

雨人 by 刘畅 (Liu Chang) (with the Reboot’s ending song, this one is my favorite on that ost. I love Liu Chang’s voice, I loved Liu Sang as a character and as I said, I loved Reboot as a drama. I get super emotional about this ost so I think it defined this year a lot for me)

Top 5 books you read in 2020

All For The Game -trilogy (listened to these as audiobooks but that counts right?)

The Song of Achilles (as an audiobook too and really adored the reader’s voice)

The Smoke Thieves -series (I really just binge read the two first books in this series and am so excited for the next one!)

Call Down The Hawk (love love love)

Guardian novel (am not very into these novels usually but I was positively surprised this time? it was so cool to finally get the original story and compare it with the drama version)

5 positive things that happened in 2020

joined mdzsnet and met all the amazing ppl there and got to become part of this loving community and :’) I’m so thankful, it’s been a joy

learned more about editing? or started doing it regularly. I still can’t do shit but am having fun learning more all the time and I really hope that maybe the upcoming year I can switch to PS and try out giffing?

went to Halsey’s concert! it was in february so a bit before all the hassle with covid happened over here ;; it was super cool and so nice and I just. I love Halsey

fell into the DMBJ hellhole which am very much enjoying. it’s a great universe and the story is so good and the dramas have been so fun to watch and. it feels like a good continuation to The Untamed somehow haha (also brought me a new friend! you’re amazing ashen!! ♥)

started therapy and it’s been... a journey. but towards something better I think? it’s something I would’ve needed ages ago but it’s better late than never I suppose

My Creations

(this is the other part where ali was being super sweet and mentioned me ♥ thank you for being so awesome!)

1. first creation and most recent creation of 2020: wow it’s been a while since I’ve looked at this horrible creation but here ya go jkdhgk [x]. I’ve come a long way from this (and my xicheng has come a long way from this too). most recent one is this xiaoge edit that I absolutely adore [x].

2. one of your favorite creations from 2020: this wwx edit that was part of my agust d2 edit series [x]. I loved to give him blue instead of his typical red.

3. a new style you tried this year and a gifset edit that uses it: this [x] wwx edit which I don’t know if I like or not but I was playing around with the font and all the effects instead of just normal screenshots + coloring. also I just adore the quote.

4. a creation to be proud of: I could mention that xiaoge here but in addition, I will also say this wu xie edit for reboot [x]. I managed to capture my vision so well, I was surprised. for cql, this songxiao edit [x]. I loved how it turned out in the end.

5. a creation that took forever: this wangxian edit [x]. like I’ve said several times, I lost sleep bc of it. I just kept struggling with the third pic and how to place the text there D:

6. your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: this lwj/wangxian edit [x]. I had many ideas for this edit when I first started making it and I never managed to capture my vision in the way I first intended... the pictures I was supposed to use just never fit quite right sigh. I dunno why it was this one that gained all the notes in the end bc I personally think I have better ones too but am still thankful :’D

7. a creation you think deserved more notes: as said, dmbj fandom on tumblr is very small so I really want to say the two already mentioned ones (wu xie and xiaoge) and then my pingxie edits [x] [x]. also these wwx edits which I personally am very happy about [x] [x]. and from my agust d2 series, this yun bros one [x].

8. a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: really just dmbj this year and I’ve already linked all of my creations for that :’D tho I have plans for another pingxie edit and a liu sang edit! oh and maybe I could mention guardian here with this shen wei [x]. I had so much fun while making it (also the quote just haunted me relentlessly until I gave it a moment).

9. a creation you made that breaks your heart: this must be my easter islanders (lwj and jc) edit [x] that just. awoke many thoughts in me? I’m going to put a link to the version where you can read my ramblings underneath :’D

10. a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: my creation for the creator (gif?) challenge that was going around! [x] it was simple and nice to do and I loved the result. also, it was nice to work with jl for a change :’)

11. a favorite creation created by someone else: oh wow ok so this is going to be rough bc I have so many favorites ;; you can look at this post here [x] to see more!

but to love my two taggers am going to say these [x / x] [x] [x] [x] [x] by hanyi (I always love your edits, the colors you choose, the thoughts you put into them (and your humor too!). there are so many cool things you’ve done that I just stay in awe of! I adore all of it ;; ♥) and these [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] by ali (I love all of your gifsets so much, they have such pretty colors and such good scenes, and I am thankful every day that you make all the amazing dmbj content, pls never stop ;; I should go through all of your creations properly one day! I noticed you have sand sea stuff too and let me scream?) ^^ ♥

12. your favorite content creators and blogs that you appreciate: this is going to be a huge list and I’ve already made my love heard for some but no hurt in doing it again so @i-am-just-a-kiddo @ashenwren @tiesanjiao @kholran @lzswy @englishbunnyrocks @leonzhng @aheartfullofjolllly @yibobibo @inkblue-black @cross-d-a @bloody-bee-tea @fytheuntamed @mdzsnet @lifegoesmon @creeds-eagle @underaswift-sunrise @sarawatsaraleo @lan-xichens @mylastbraincql @wangxianbunnydoodles @manhasetardis @distantsnows @ohsehuns @minmoyu @linglynz @highwarlockkareena @yiqiie @aowyn @alienwlw @wangxiians @kingbadcat @sassyassassy @tytangfei @lanzhannnn @skzmxtp @leoyunxi @yoonqiful @softjeon @rapbabenamjoon @ronan-adam @miyakuli @pavusdorian @arsuf @brolinskeep @gawincaskeyy and so many others! (sorry for all the random ppl on this list that I’ve never even talked to ^^’ just know that you make my dash a wonderful place! ♥)

I won’t tag anyone separately here but everyone who’s already been tagged or sees this is free to do this (or link me posts if you’ve done these already!) ♥ have a nice day everyone!

#tag game #wow this took ages #am sorry am late #thanks for tagging me tho!!#i enjoyed this a lot #about me

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lxveshotaro · 4 years

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Return - Lee Jeno

Warnings: Sub! Jeno, Dom! Reader, Idol! Reader, Mommy Kink, Fingering, Mirror Sex, Public Sex?? Sorta

Plot: You were able to make it through Produce 48 and debut as a member of IZ*ONE. Although you were able to make this achievement your accomplishments were stripped from you when a scandal blew through everything. Your company failed to protect you so you ended up having to go on a hiatus. During your break the attention that was on you didn’t falter as more things began to grab the attention of reporters.

A/N: Okay wow this is LONG but I’m very satisfied with it. I hope the actual smut isn’t too short but yeah. I didn’t touch too much on the produce scandal or anything like that since I don’t know a whole lot about it and I didn’t think it was super necessary.

“Y/N of MNET program, Produce 48 will finally be making her return after a long hiatus.”

“After much consideration and many meetings, Y/N will be rejoining her IZ*ONE members mid promotion! Please give her a warm welcome as she takes the stage January 4th - 5th at the Golden Disk Awards!”

Being remembered by a scandal isn’t necessarily rewarding, in fact it’s quite the opposite. You were pulled from your group at debut because of a huge scandal regarding MNET’s TV show that you took part in. Your company specifically got tied up in the scandal pretty badly which didn’t do you any good. You were the representation for your company which is why you ended up receiving massive backlash. Of course the situation shocked you just as much as the other members. Many fans defended you and your group to protect you guys from any damage. Sadly, they couldn’t save you all in the end.

You were forced into a hiatus by the backlash and mess that surrounded you. Rumors spread like wildfire, we all know this so it wasn’t a surprise that one speculation of your company turned into you being pulled from your group for a while. During this time you kept in contact with the other members as you all hoped this would just pass, which it eventually did. It took a lot of convincing, tears, and stress but the day finally came where you would be able to come back as an official member of IZ*ONE.

You’re the multitalented and beautiful Y/N of IZ*ONE, it hasn’t been easy getting to where you are today. Many people have and will be jealous of you and your success. Even though you have a lot of people who despise you, the amount of people that love you outweighs them. Coming back after such a long time worried a lot of people, you most of all. You had prepared so much during your hiatus, between bettering yourself and learning choreographies that you would be able to perform with your members, you were stressed and tired. Your drive kept you going, you had a passion and you would fulfill that passion for the rest of your life.

You were running out of time to practice as you would be performing again in just a few days. Your members were extremely supportive and your instructor would stay late to help you practice the songs that you still needed help on. Your anxiety started to build up as the days passed, not because you weren’t confident in your performance but because it would be your first time in a long time to perform in front of so many people. This performance was super important to you so your lack of sleep and sustenance was well worth it.

Some of the members came by the studio to check on you. “Hey Y/N! We brought you food!” Eunbi was the first to walk through the door. You looked in her direction and smiled when you saw the bags from your favorite restaurant in her hand. As much as you wanted to decline the food and continue practicing you knew she wouldn’t allow that. Sakura also came in, she approached you with that sweet and beautiful smile of hers and brought you to the center of the room so you could all sit together. “Thank you guys.” You smiled at them adoringly, “I know you haven’t been eating well because of preparations so I wanted to make sure you at least ate today.” You nodded and started taking your food out of the bags. The members remembered the exact order that you always got which warmed your heart.

You guys ate together and joked around and shared quite a few laughs together, “Hey did you guys see who would be performing at the show?” You shook your head but you didn’t look up at Yujin as she spoke since your eyes were glued to your food. You weren’t listening for a bit but one name made it through your trance, “NCT Dream, Twi-..” Your hearing was being extremely selective because after hearing those two names your ears closed up again. Without making a big deal about it you just put your chopsticks down and pushed your food away. “Thanks for bringing me food you guys.” You finally looked up at the others who clearly noticed your odd reaction and knew why you acted the way you did.

“I should get back to practicing, I haven’t worked on my vocals much yet..” They took that as their cue to go, it wasn’t like you were upset with them, it was just that now you had to take a moment to just think. The girls started putting all of the trash into a bag while you collected the leftovers and packaged them back up. “Thanks for visiting me girls, I’ll try to make it home as soon as I can.” You hugged them all and said your goodbyes. Once the room was empty again you just stood there and thought for a moment. “Whatever.. I have a performance to do, this can’t distract me.” With that you went back to practicing lyrics and moves and also learning anything else that was difficult for you.

You forgot the chaos of getting ready for a show while you were gone. This stylists unpacking their things, the clothing racks with the groups costumes hanging on it, the make up artists with all kinds of brands laid out in front of them, all of this was so invigorating to you. You sat down in the makeup artists chair and let her pin your hair up and out of your face. She first massaged and prepped your face before starting to apply your makeup. This process was always relaxing, having someone brush your hair or having someone apply your makeup while you rested your eyelids. It was almost like it was meant for you to fall asleep, with your members singing sweetly and the facial massage you were getting you started to doze off.

“Y/N.” You opened your eyes and made eye contact with the makeup artist, “You fell asleep for a moment but I finished your makeup.” You bowed slightly and smiled, “Ah, sorry.” She shrugged it off and got ready for the next member, “Thank you.” Next was your hair which you finished with pretty quickly. The stylist caught your attention immediately afterwards, “Hey Y/N, come get dressed please.” You grabbed your things and disappeared to the back of the room for a while. The stylist decided to go for red and white outfits, your outfit particularly stood out as it had both colors and it was sparkly. You also wore a beautiful pair of high heels along with some really nice accessories to go along with it.

When you finished getting dressed you walked out while adjusting the belt on your dress. “Ohhh, look at Y/N!” Your members praised your appearance and came over to look at your outfit. The stylist did a really good job with tying all of your outfits together while also making sure each member was able to stand out in their own way. “Aww thank you!” It meant a lot that everyone was trying to make this a bit easier for you, they praised you, they hugged you, they made sure you were comfortable, this was all a team effort. You all took pictures together and separately so you could share them with the fans later on, but before you knew it the time had come where you had to go.

“Alright everyone, time to get in the car! The red carpet will start soon so we have to go now.” You put your jacket on along with the other members and followed them out to the car. The staff climbed in first and some of the members followed after them. You had to pick which car to go in which was easy considering the other ones filled up fast. You climbed into the car and with that you were on the way to your first red carpet appearance.

When you arrived everything felt like a dramatic movie scene. You watched the group that arrived before you take their pictures on the ending stage before disappearing into the building. Somehow you were the last one out of the car which further dramatized your long awaited arrival. You felt like crying from the overwhelming feeling that hit you right before you got out of the car. That bad feeling immediately turned to happiness when you stepped out of the car and saw your members standing there waiting for you. The fans' shouts rang in your ears and will forever be remembered. A huge smile came across your face as you waved at your fans. You smiled and laughed excitedly as you walked down the red carpet with your members by your side.

You all came to the stage and greeted the interviewer, “Oh! IZ*ONE has arrived!” The interviewer greeted you all excitedly as you got in the order that was pre-decided for you guys. You guys bowed and continued to smile and pose for the cameras as some of you were given microphones. The interviewer asked quite a few questions before leading up to this one, “You guys brought someone special! How has it been?” The members turned to you with smiles, Wonyoung who was standing three members from you passed down her microphone, “It’s been a hard journey but I’m truly honored to be back and to be able to perform for my fans again, thank you for the support everybody!” You gave two thumbs up and a smile. The next group had to come on now so you guys gave back the microphones, thanked the mcs, and went into the building.

After a while you guys were able to sit at your table and interact with your fans while you waited for the show to start. You played around with your members and interacted with fans by shooting hearts at them, blowing kisses, and taking selfies and including the crowd in them. As you were doing this a boy group started walking in the direction of your table. At no point did you look at any of the tables around you because you didn’t think it would be necessary. Your fans got super excited when they saw who it was which confused you. The group got closer and they passed your table. You finally saw who it was and where they were going to sit.

Of course it was only two tables away, it was NCT Dream. As they passed your table you bowed at them all and smiled a bit. Your smile slightly faltered when you saw him, your ex, Lee Jeno, of course people saw this since it was super obvious what just happened. You shook the situation off and continued interacting with your fans who were freaking out about it. You’re a playful person so you laughed at the situation and playfully shushed your fans who were talking to each other about what they all just witnessed. Even your members were taken aback by the situation but you all took to it lightly.

It’s no secret that your fans want you and Jeno back together, they comment on it, they say it, they did whatever they could to make that point known. It felt like there was nothing you could do though, you and Jeno are broken up and that’s the way it had to be. You haven’t even seen him or talked to him really since you went on hiatus so it has definitely been a really long time.

The show started so you had no time to think about that anymore, all you had to do was enjoy the show and wait until you would perform later, easy right? Wrong. The thought of Jeno being two tables from you, looking at you, thinking about you, talking to his members about you was eating at your brain. You were very bothered by this thought so you had to look over there, you just had to. Trying to be as inconspicuous as possible you only slightly moved your eyes in his direction. Whew, that wasn’t obvious at all or was it even more obvious. You were ripped out of your thoughts by a voice, “Y/N.” You looked around, a bit startled to be honest to see Yena’s seemingly worried expression, “Are you okay?” You nodded, “Yeah um.. I’m gonna go to the bathroom.” She nodded and stood up with you.

She walked with you to tell a staff member to direct you to the bathroom. As you walked you bowed to the celebrities sitting at the surrounding tables. You also waved at your fans as you made your way to the backstage area with the staff member. “Ah thank you.” You bowed once more to the staff member and walked into your dressing room first. Your belongings along with the other members' stuff was there. You looked at yourself in the mirror and took a breather. “Calm down Y/N, you have the whole night to go, you can’t ruin it already.”

You finally calmed yourself down and started heading back to the show. “Y/N!” Someone suddenly approached you from a left turn which scared you. You turned to see who it was, “What the fuck are you doing!?” It was Jeno, of course. He put a hand over your mouth to quiet you down but you quickly slapped his hands away. This time you spoke in a whisper, “My lipstick! What are you doing!?” He gave you a familiar look that usually meant he had something to talk about but before you could say anything he looked around and saw that nobody was around and he slipped into the bathroom that was close by. He pulled you in and locked the door behind him.

“Jeno, seriously?” You sighed, just looking at him pissed you off. “Y/N, would you just listen to me without thinking about what has happened in the past?” You rolled your eyes, “Yeah hold on, let me just forget that you threw our relationship down the drain like it was nothing, let me also forget that you left me at a time where I really needed you.” He looked guilty, “I know I was wrong, you don’t have to forgive me completely but please just listen.” You walked further into the bathroom and slightly lifted yourself onto the counter, “Make it quick, my members are waiting.” He suddenly started thinking of what to say, you were impatient since you didn’t want to see him. “Jeno-” He cut you off by speaking suddenly. He didn’t, no he couldn’t look up at you because the guilt was eating at him, “Listen, when the company came to me and told me that I had to end things with you.. Imagine how I felt. It felt like I was punched in my gut, it felt even worse when I told you that day.. seeing you cry like that made me feel like shit. I want to correct this as best as I can.”

You didn’t say anything you just kind of stared into the mirror blankly. Instead of watching him in person you just occasionally gazed at him in the mirror. He caught your attention with his big movement so you looked at him through the mirror. Jeno was lowering himself onto his knees which made you turn and actually look at him physically. “What are you-” He cut you off again, “I’m so sorry Y/N, please give me another chance.” Vivid memories of what you and Jeno used to do together came rushing back to you. You haven’t thought about these things in such a long time so it was an overwhelming feeling but you didn’t show how you were affected by it.

The sound of your heels clicking made Jeno finally look up. You came over to where he was kneeled pathetically in front of you. You placed your hand gently under his chin and pulled his face upwards more so that he had to look you in the eye. You bent down a bit, “Don’t worry so much baby, it’s not your fault, I know I was mad and I still am, but I won’t hold it against you.” Jeno looked relieved and puppy-like at the same time, “M-mommy..” That name, you haven’t heard it in so long. You bit your lip as you tried to fight off the urge to kiss him. Eventually you lost as you pulled him off of his knees by his chin and pulled him in for a hungry kiss. You pushed him against the counter, he put his hands behind him so that he could hold himself up.

Without even thinking you messily pulled on the jacket to his suit as you tried to remove it. You opened your eyes and broke the kiss for a moment so you could unbutton the jacket. Your eyes met his and you noticed small tears leaving his eyes, “Ooh baby, don’t cry, it’s okay, I won’t stay mad forever.” You wiped that tear away and cupped his cheeks to pull him in for another kiss, this time Jeno brought his hands up your back in an attempt to unzip your dress. You broke the kiss again and removed his hands from your back, you looked him in the eye, “Don’t touch, we don’t wanna mess up my appearance right? Today’s a big day, isn’t it?” Jeno nodded as if he was under a spell that you had cast.

You finally got his jacket unbuttoned and you pulled on his button up slightly and watched as some of the top buttons came undone. The top of his chest was now exposed to you. Your hand wandered his body and stopped right on his hard crotch, “Oh? What’s this?” He blushed slightly even though he knew you’d eventually notice, “Mommy.. You did it..” You smiled at him and acted innocent, “Oh did I?” You leaned forward and kissed his chest, your red lipstick stained his skin. You sucked on his chest leaving a deep red mark, Jeno sucked in sharply as you squeezed his erection harshly. You leaned forward again and attached your lips to his neck, Jeno pulled away from you, “Please- don’t-” It was too late, you had already left a mark there. Jeno was thinking about how he was going to cover that but your voice interrupted his thoughts, “We gotta go quick, we don’t want you to miss your performance right?” He shook his head quickly. “Then let’s get a move on it.”

You unbuttoned his pants, “Look in the mirror.” You turned him around but he watched you instead of himself, “No, look at yourself.” Once he did, you pulled down his pants swiftly, Jeno turned around and looked at you to see what you were doing. You pushed him down slightly and bent him over the counter. “You always cum the fastest from mommies fingers right?” He nodded and looked down at his hands. You slapped his ass which made him shift forward and wince at the stinging pain. Since you had no lube you had to keep using saliva but it worked in the end.

You rubbed circles over his anus for a bit. Jeno pressed himself backwards and against your fingers and looked at you through the mirror, “Please Mommy..” You still had to be quick so you smiled and nodded, “Okay baby, I’ll give you what you want.” You pushed him forward again slightly so he was almost flat over the counter. You then took one finger and slid it in, “I’m not going to stretch you that much, is that okay?” He nodded and bit his lip, “Please I wanna cum..” You smiled as you slipped another finger in. This used to be one of your favorite things to do with Jeno, seeing him with his legs spread wide open for you was always an amazing sight.

You held a steady pace and watched Jeno as he held his mouth open and whimpered quietly. He still wasn’t looking at himself so you reached forward and lifted his head. Your hand was resting under his chin, “Don’t you look so pretty? Getting fucked by Mommy’s fingers?” He shied away from your grasp, too shy to admit that he loved seeing himself like this. You sped up your movements which made Jeno whimper quietly. “Touch yourself.” He quickly grabbed himself and pumped himself at a fast pace. His legs shook and looked like they were about to give out under him. His moans became more audible over time.

Amidst Jeno’s beautiful noises falling from his mouth there was a knock on the door, “Y/N? Are you in there? The other girls said you went to the bathroom a while ago.” Jeno didn’t pay it any mind and continued to stroke himself. He was struggling to stay quiet so you covered his mouth and continued to finger him. “Yeah sorry! I ended up taking a call, I’ll be out in a little bit, I know I’m on a time crunch!” The staff member nodded even if you couldn’t see her, “Also, are you okay? Are you hurt?” She must’ve heard Jeno’s whimpers, “Oh yeah, I’m better now, I hit my hand on the counter..” The staff member nodded again, thanked you, and walked away shortly after. Jeno looked so fucked out when you looked back at him through the mirror, “Wow, you didn’t even get shocked, such a naughty boy.” He let out a moan that was muffled by your hand.

You moved your hand away from his mouth, “I’m close!” You slapped his ass again and he squealed which caused him to cover his mouth with his own hand. You laughed at him for a moment, “Go ahead.” With that you sped up your movements. Jeno choked out a few more moans before he spilled himself all over the floor underneath him. He slowed his strokes as he caught his breath, “Ooh so messy.” You pulled your fingers out of him and went to wash your hands. Jeno laid over the counter for a moment as he thought about what just happened. Your heels clicked as you walked to grab a paper towel for your hands, “Have fun cleaning this up.” You smiled at him and unlocked the door to leave.

You had made it back to your seat, your members and fans looked confused but it didn’t take long for them to start making speculations. You took your seat next to Yena again and got comfortable in your seat. You had cleaned yourself up, touched up your makeup, and made yourself look 100% presentable again. The other girls were giving you very suspicious looks as they waited for Jeno to come back as well. It took a while but Jeno returned from the bathroom, his hand was over his neck, probably because of the hickey you gave him. This time when he walked passed your table you just looked away which of course your very observant fans saw.

He sat at his table and the other members immediately started an interrogation, “Why are you covering your neck?” Renjun, who was sitting directly beside Jeno leaned in for a closer look. Jeno moved away from him and shooed him, “What took you so long?” He turned to his other side where Haechan was squinting his eyes suspiciously. Jeno let out a short nervous laugh, “I-” He couldn’t even get his lame excuse out before being interrupted, “You took a fat shit didn’t you?” Jeno’s mouth fell open for a second, shocked by his members unwillingness to listen, “No I had to do something.” The others rolled their eyes but left it alone for a moment, “You met Y/N didn’t you.” Him and Jeno made eye contact, a light blush washed over Jeno’s face at the mention of your name, “Ooh! Jeno’s got a girlfriend!!” Jaemin childishly added, “You guys are so immature.” Jeno was blushing and smiling like a high school girl while thinking about what just happened.

“You look happy Y/N.” Eunbi leaned closer to you and watched your facial expression change, “Did you and Jeno make up?” Yena, who was now tuned into the conversation also leaned in. You smiled and shrugged your shoulders, “Sorta?” Yena smiled really big, “Look at you! So happy!” You looked like a little kid with the way you were smiling, “It looks like you’re in high school again!” You shook your head, “No I don’t!” There was no hiding the butterflies you felt in your stomach.

You waved goodbye to your fans as you and the other girls climbed into the cars. Some of the fans were mentioning Jeno and others were sharing their love for you. Once you were in the car you looked out the window and blew kisses to your fans as the car pulled off. “That was so much fun!” You couldn’t stop smiling, not only because of Jeno but also because of your loving fans. “I’m so glad you were able to be here.” Eunbi held your hand and smiled, “I’m happy too.” Eunbi laid on your shoulder after you guys shared a warm smile.

“Y/N!” The voice shocked you so your eyes went wide but you looked over to see Hitomi. She was holding her phone in front of you, “You and Jeno are trending all over the internet right now.” She wasn’t lying, everyone was posting about how Jeno ran after you in a heroic kdrama kind of way. “I wonder how the company will feel about that..” You just laughed and shrugged it off even though you were thinking about Jeno. “People really want you guys back together, they always have.” You nodded, your fans and Jeno’s fans were always extremely supportive of the fact that you guys were in love. It was truly heartwarming. It felt as if it wasn’t up to you if you two ended up together. The reason you guys broke up was because of Jeno’s company, they threatened to terminate his contract.

It’s been a year since you made your return to the industry, one year since you and Jeno made up, and one year since you found happiness again. From that day on you had been working extra hard and earning respect from more fans and from SM Entertainment. SM has decided to allow you and Jeno to be together! There’s no more hiding out for you two!

“Are you ready to tell them?” Jeno looked nervous as he held the big surprise in his hand. He kissed the youngling on the head and nodded to you. Taking a deep breath, you started the live video. You only showed yourself on the screen as you greeted the fans. “Hi guys~” You waved and read the comments, they were asking where Jeno was since you guys were always together. Jeno put his hand in the camera and waved, “Hiiii!” The fans were confused as to why he wasn’t showing himself but you would reveal that shortly, “Okay guys, remember when Jeno and I told you all that we had a surprise?” The comments showed confusion, “Well, me and Jeno have decided..” Jeno crept into the camera frame, his hands were positioned weirdly, “We wanted to have something to care for together so..” Jeno smiled brightly as he lifted his hands and revealed an adorable puppy, “We got a puppy!!” Your fans put many hearts and called your little baby adorable over and over, “Please help us pick a name for our puppy! Put suggestions in the comments.” Jeno squinted so that he could see what people were saying. Many were jokingly putting weird names and some were being serious, this is going to be a long live.

#nct dream smut #sub nct dream #sub nct dream smut #nct jeno smut #sub!idol #sub!kpop #sub nct #sub nct smut #sub jeno smut #sub jeno #sub lee jeno smut #lee jeno smut #jeno smut

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wedreamedlove · 4 years

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Xu Mo and Loneliness [Character Study]

Surprise! It's essay time again ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ! Disclaimer: I use CN translations because Elex...

One (of the many) things I love about Xu Mo's character is his juxtapositions [Character Study]. He is one of the loneliest men in the world due to his archetype and nature [Into Your World] but also the most susceptible to loneliness.

Throughout the game, he's dropped hints about his fear of being left behind:

"... But the sensitive artist was also afraid the butterfly would one day grow tired of being beside him, and so he thought about catching the butterfly and putting it in a glass jar. Like this, the butterfly would never be able to leave him." [Drowning in Love SSR - Artist and Butterfly Call]

"... But if I really did encounter the one and only color in my life, then I certainly wouldn't let them go." [Drowning in Love SSR - The Only Color Call]

"... No matter what the truth may be, I'll always be with you. Until the very moment it arrives... I just hope that, at that time, you won't want to push me away." [CH12 - Truth and False Call]

MC: Don't worry, I'll be alright on my own. Xu Mo: But I'm not alright alone. [CH13.4]

But, at the same time, he's accepted the adage that "'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all":

"The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat." [CH9.14]

Just to expand on this for those who are unfamiliar with The Little Prince story, when the Little Prince is going to leave the fox, the fox says that it is going to cry. The Little Prince feels that his taming of the fox has done it no good at all, because now it's hurt, but the fox denies this because now it has the color of the wheat fields.

"Since she was willing to gently embrace all that he was, then why not accept this pain in his heart that was caused by her alone." [Overseas Date]

"Forget it, he'll just be foolish once more with this foolish girl." [True Love Date]

One other aspect of his juxtapositions is how his wants and needs are in conflict and I think people are naturally picking up on this, which is why he's viewed as having a really intense relationship with the MC.

I'm just going to define my words in this context to make things clearer but a "want" is your desire in life, while a "need" is your raison d'etre, essentially your reason for living and your goal in life. It's not necessary for all stories or characters to have this, but they're certainly more captivating with this. (As an aside, Zhou Qiluo has this going for him too while Li Zeyan and Bai Qi do not... and maybe why Bai Qi keeps getting hit with the vanilla and boring label LOL).

So, what does Xu Mo want? To love the MC and, as a byproduct, never be alone again. What does he need? The continuing survival (and evolution) of humankind, even if that means walking a path that will leave people behind him and end with him being alone.

This internal conflict is something we see again and again in the game:

[CH13] He reveals his identity to her as Ares, but lets her go. He even sacrifices his eye and the ability to see her color.

[CH16] They're "enemies" and they draw a clear line between them at the news conference, but he then saves her and returns her home. He sacrifices their experience together in the dream world and his answer to her question about whether or not he'd even offer up the person important to him for his goals.

”Before I met you, I would be annoyed at the pace of the people with me. Everyone has their own destination and a person walking by themselves would be quicker. Mm, this isn't a good custom. But on my path, whenever I turn my head back, I would always find that you had already caught up to my side. This time as well. Perhaps, in this world, you're the only person who can make me unable to resist looking back. Or perhaps you're the only person who can reach my side again and again. So, in the future, I won't let go anymore. On this day, next year, you'll be at my side too.“ [2019 (2nd) Birthday Call]

Now, the entire reason I wrote up this post—LOL. I'm actually half-serious because his [Endless Path Date] is amazing in how they distilled his character to one of his core themes and represented that facet entirely in this AU date.

I'm going to be jumping around chronologically in the date to show how he was in the past, to the present before MC regained her memories, to after she regained her memories.

PAST

Xu Mo: I hope you don't regret the choice you made this day.

MC: ... I admit I hate them, but I don't wish to be the same as them because of this.

MC: I don't want to become a murderous demon.

Xu Mo seemed to be a bit surprised and then, after a few seconds, the crimson in his eyes faded and became a calm purple, scrutinizing me.

Xu Mo: A murderous demon... Do you believe that I am one as well?

His voice carried a smile, but I felt a formless pressure and sense of terror surround me and I shuddered.

MC: You aren't. You saved me.

Although the way was to turn me into a vampire... in a sense, he gave me a "new life".

Xu Mo: Save? It appears that, in your understanding, when vampires are hunting for food they are saving people.

MC: I'm just being factual. Also, the word "hunting"...

The corner of Xu Mo's lips pulled up.

Xu Mo: There's no rush. In the future, you will experience for yourself whether or not the word I used is accurate.

I was stunned and suddenly remembered the thirst towards fresh blood in that hut earlier which had dominated me.

Xu Mo seemed to have no intention of bothering himself with me again and turned around, preparing to leave.

MC: Um... please wait a moment.

He silently looked back, his expression indifferent and cold under the moonlight.

I summoned up my courage and looked straight at Xu Mo.

MC: Can... can you give me your blood?

MC: I heard that this was the only way to become a true vampire; they won't have to drink blood and they won't lose their reasoning, so...

Xu Mo: So I have to answer your request?

Xu Mo interrupted me, as if he heard something laughable.

Xu Mo: Vampires are not gods who never refuse a request. Or is it that all humans are such selfish creatures?

MC: N-not at all! In exchange, I can...

The wind blew through, rustling the leaves of the trees. Xu Mo calmly listened to my words and was silent for a long while before he lightly sighed, but it also seemed like a laugh.

Xu Mo: Alright, I agree.

Under the moonlight, the hand that was held out to me was pale and slender. I took a step forward and also stretched out my hand—

PRESENT

Xu Mo blinked, slowly without hurry, and swept his eyes over in my direction.

He saw me and didn't appear to be surprised at all; instead, it was like he knew I was there all along, witnessing everything.

His smile wasn't anything different from usual and even the way he set down his glass and held out his hand to me was like that day, two years ago.

Xu Mo: [MC], you came.

The color of crimson blurred my vision and the smell of blood was like a wave threatening to engulf me.

I felt like breathing was difficult and my legs were unsteady; I could only lean against the wall.

Xu Mo saw that I didn't move and walked directly over to me. It was as if everything around him had no effect on him and those two crimson eyes reflected only my figure.

He came to me like this, step by step, and the strange thing was... that I actually didn't feel any fear.

He raised a hand to support me and this let me see his eyes clearly. There seemed to be a faint worry in them.

FUTURE

Xu Mo: Do you remember everything?

A gentle voice landed beside my ear and, as I recalled the scenes of that night, I looked at Xu Mo and mumbled.

MC: I promised you that, no matter how long, I would always...

He blinked and those crimson eyes crumbled into purple, a faint smile appearing in them.

Xu Mo: Mm, you said you would be at my side forever.

The reason I transcribed these three scenes is because they're so good at showing his assumed indifference, to how fast he caved into the temptation of not being alone, to how he continues to hold this hope despite MC having "broken their promise", to the future where they get to walk in an endless night together forever.

IT'S SO GOOD. I'm a sucker for immortality concepts and PG nailed this vampire version so well; his ancientness in the past, the longing for companionship, and then the sharing of a life.

Anyway, I was actually going to post this essay after I read his newest Halloween card because, after seeing he was an exiled prince with Snow White themes, my guess was that it was going to have a heavy and explicit theme about loneliness again.

But I got impatient seeing as how I have to wait until the end of the event to redeem him. So, I guess I'm throwing it out there that this is my prediction??? For those who have read that date, you can tell me if I'm hot or cold LOL. I'm going to look like a fool yelling about loneliness themes if that isn't the case this time though.

MIMICRY

Semi-switching gears and bringing back my [Into Your World] post, I just want to add that in addition to being so intensely curious about the MC's world and trying to understand her, I've noticed that MC and Xu Mo share something pretty unique to them that's less obvious with the others.

This is the mimicry that they do to each other.

There's been psychological studies that looked into the social aspects of mimicry (Baaren et al 2009) and mimicry and attraction in romantic relationships (Nicolas Gueguen 2009). In short, mimicking someone appears to promote social harmony, comfort, and trust in the other person; it can also make you more attractive to them LOL.

I really don't think Xu Mo is doing this intentionally and that, instead, this supports his (alienated) scholar archetype, his hobby of people watching, and trying to understand the MC's world. The same goes for MC, she wants to understand his world and a part of that is experiencing things in his way.

The reason I believe this is less obvious (if at all apparent) with the others is because, when I compare Xu Mo's dates to Bai Qi dates, all of Bai Qi’s dates are more like experiencing activities together, which Xu Mo has as well, ex. [Winery Date], [Sunrise Date], [Hot Spring Date], etc.

But Xu Mo has dates where they specifically mimic each other, such as:

[Blossom Date] He covers her eyes, she then covers his eyes.

[Archery Date] Technically, he teaches her but after he gets bull's-eye, she copies the form he taught her and also gets bull's-eye.

[New Year's Eve] He gets taught and mimics the way she makes dumplings.

[Qixi 2018 Mini Story] He and the kids ended up copying the MC's flying fish.

[Rainy Night Date] The flashback about how she folded origami cranes and then taught him and they make strings of them.

They also—and this I swear is unique solely to Xu Mo—mimic each other's words or sentence structures and phrases:

[Blossom Date] Tao Yao poem and how they quoted it back at each other, essentially finishing each other's stanza.

[Endless Path Date] The beginning of the dates shows an inside joke between them where MC tries to ask Xu Mo difficult questions to stump him, because he can see through her. But he guesses the herbs she bought by the smell on her fingers. Later on, she guesses that he's going to a party based on his use of the cologne she made him and which he only uses for parties. She explicitly brings up the beginning and how she can deduce things about him too via scent.

[CH13.15] Xu Mo quotes 1 Corinthians 13:12 at MC and [CH16.12] MC quotes 1 Corinthians 13:2 at him.

[CH16.12] During the conference, MC literally quotes the words he said to her [CH13.17] back at him to go against him.

[Dumbstruck Date] Heck, this whole date was MC repeating words that the original Xu Mo said to her and making Winter!Xu Mo jealous as heck LOL.

Throughout the story, where MC draws her strength from how the other men are as people (Li Zeyan's stability and permanence, Bai Qi’s core of justice, etc.), she seems to draw extensively on the words Xu Mo has said to her, or references to the same body of literature.

EDIT: Forgot to mention, but IMO this is why he reacts the worst out of all the men to MC’s disappearance in Chapter 25+.

#love and producer #mlqc #mr love queen's choice #mlqc lucien #mlqc xu mo #love and produc(ing) meta

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sparksflamesembersashes · 3 years

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Random musings on 10.18 Find Me

Other Carylers have spoken about the episode and their interpretations of it and what it means for Caryl and their future and I've been sharing those and don't have that much to add to what’s already been discussed. Others have written well thought out and detailed analyses and interpretations and said it way better than I ever could. Most of them have been writing about Caryl forever and I started less than a year ago. I do want to speak to some technical stuff and a few other things, since I never do know when to shut up. Spoilers for 10.18 below the cut.

Brief talk on techie stuff... Wow, the cinematography in the plus six are really taking it up a notch. 10.18 has some of the most gorgeous images in the history of the show. The colors, the framing, and Caryl; separated by a stretch of water that's a literal stand-in for the divide between them, in an episode stuffed with signs and symbols and parallels. "Find Me" has some of the most visually breathtaking shots in the history of TWD... and do you know why? Because the plus six were filmed on digital cameras, for the first time in the history of a show that has always been shot on 16 millimeter film. Turns out, the digital process not only has fewer "touch points" (thanks for nothing, COVID) but it's also cheaper, faster, and easier on the environment.

TWD almost switched to digital for Season 2, and while AK claims now that they can still give it that classic TWD look, in a 2019 interview posted on comicbook.com, she said they were committed to shooting on film to preserve it's look and feel (confirming that film and digital are noticeably not created equal, an opinion/truth they are apparently backing off of, now). If the new episodes look different, its because they are. I am torn between which style I prefer. The grainy, Kodak-y type images of TWD as shot on film are increasingly rare on any screen, simultaneously nostalgic and beautiful and born of toxicity. The gallons of chemicals used in developing standard film are not environmentally friendly and probably need to go the way of the dinosaur.

Digital is wonderful in its own ways, so minute in its details, and can easily capture images and light conditions otherwise incredibly difficult to duplicate on actual film... But digital doesn't look the same, it doesn't feel the same, in the way that CD's and vinyl records don't sound the same. Purists curl their lip at the new and improved version of the medium, but the truth is,most people don't notice the differences.

TWD has always used the sun and the moon to their best visual advantage and both the celestial backdrops show up in "Find Me." The sun filtering through the trees onto Daryl or in his general direction has made repeat appearances in S10. Is this a metaphor for his finally finding his enlightenment? (Or is it nothing deeper than AMC uses the light to make everything look as cool as possible?)

10.18 shows us more of Daryl's soul (in a single episode) than we've seen before. His character goes through all sorts of colors, screaming in the rainstorm, grimacing as puppy Dog licks his face, meeting and spending time with this strange, lonely, gruff, almost mirror reflection of himself, someone who is grieving and angry and alone. Fighting with Carol! A real fight, but an honest and not altogether unhealthy one. You gotta work through to acceptance and let go of the past before you can look forward to a future, and these two have enough trauma issues between them to fill a psychiatric journal. They’ve a long, arduous road ahead of them, but they WILL reach their destination. Together.

Daryl throwing the fish at Leah's door and Leah throwing the fish at Daryl are my favorite moments in the episode. I laughed out loud. I did not get the impression that they only encountered each other once every several months, I took it that the time jumps measured the progression of their relationship, i.e. that it took that long for them to warm up to each other. When Daryl did go to stay at Leah's, it was literally out of necessity, as he was getting frost bitten in the woods and probably would have lost at least a digit or two had he remained in his camp.

For the first time, I didn't really enjoy the Caryl banter? (Please don't hurt me.) There was a sadness, a tension, and a sense of loss there I just couldn't shake. Carol was trying to run away from the horrors of the Whisperer's aftermath, and Daryl knew it, and he was annoyed by it. Carol's attempts at lightheartedness seemed forced. I feel like Daryl is a man with a whole lot on his mind at this point, and that Carol is a woman who is habitually trying not to think about the real stuff if she can avoid it. She jokes and banters but she's almost too cheerful... or maybe it just seems that way because Daryl's so grim. Not grim as in we're-all-facing-our-end-of-days-doom grim, but not in a laughing mood where Carol's concerned. He thinks she's running again, and seeing Leah's cabin reminds him that Leah probably ran from him, too. He lost both his brothers, Rick and Merle. Daryl has abandonment issues and an overdeveloped sense of responsibility going back as far as we know. He loses people and can't find them again, no matter how much he searches.

Revisiting Leah's cabin, the devastation of Alexandria, and everything that's been building up over, about, and because of Carol has pressurized within Daryl till he finally takes a shot, and who can blame him? But he also shows his development and maturity by trying to express his disappointment with controlled words of frustration (compared to camp- or barn-rage Daryl in S2), telling Carol exactly what it is she does that's widening the chasm between them.

Carol to Daryl early in the episode "I don't want to lose you because you can't figure out when to stop," and Daryl to Carol "That's on you. 'Cause you don't know when to stop.") Daryl doesn't know when to stop searching for his lost brother and blaming himself for things, Carol didn't know when to stop her revenge-fueled pursuit of Alpha. Daryl also tells Carol "That's all that matters. You being right." (after she says she was right to go after and destroy Alpha to avenge her son.) At the end of the ep., Carol says it again: "I was right" (this time about their luck having run out), then she goes to fix the door.

So now Caryl know and have established what gets each other's goat. That could be a good thing, but tptb will undoubtedly attempt to convince us its a bad thing,, ya think? Neither of the characters knowing when to stop and their mutual annoyance over the fact could be something the show runners milk for a while.

Î wanted to know whether Daryl went back to the cabin after leaving his note, to see whether Leah had returned to it, or not. I want to know what Carol did with the note. Did she take it with her, or did she put it back? They never showed us. Daryl seemed anxious and tense about her finding it, and I did not miss the symbolism of Carol being the woman who eventually finds the note Daryl left behind years ago: "I belong with you. Find me." I mean, how perfect is that?

Contrary to spoilery bullshit stinking up the Twittersphere, Carol did not seem exactly “upset” at finding the note, though clearly she was sad. She knew exactly what the note was, so Daryl must’ve told her about it, that he left it. Maybe he didn't tell her exactly what it said or everything about Leah, but my impression was that she realized what it was and where they were, and it was all yesterday's news to her. Seeing the note seemed to make her sad for Daryl because she knows Daryl can't handle losing people, and that he punishes himself for failing to help or save people by pushing everybody away and isolating.

Leah didn't so much choose to be there in the cabin as she ran for her life from a dangerous situation and the cabin was just the place where she and her bitten son ended up.

So many yawning gaps in the Leah storyline. How often did they see each other? Did Daryl move in with her toward the end of their relationship? I felt like he did after the time she found him freezing in the woods, but that he'd leave for days to go look for Rick, or hunt, or who tf knows. Maybe he'd leave to see or meet Carol. Carol knew about Leah, but when? Before, or after it was happening? Why is that important? I just want to know when he told her. Really hoping they didn’t leave things purposely vague so they can fill in the gaps to screw with us later.

Timing is everything. Like, how much time passed between Leah telling Daryl to choose, and the time Carol told Daryl she couldn't keep visiting? Or did he leave Leah's cabin and return to it that same day? Which would imply Leah abandoned Daryl practically the instant he walked out the door following her ultimatum. It seems like Daryl was gone a while, it was dark when Leah told him to choose, and daylight in the scene with Carol at his camp and when he was walking in the woods. It could have been days. That makes a difference. Leah was obviously not Daryl's first choice, no matter that he ran back to her in the end.

The fact that Carol knew about Daryl's relationship with Leah is a crafty move on the show runner's part because we can't really be pissed at Daryl if Carol knew about it the whole time and was cool with it.... but we all know now that Daryl didn't tell her everything.

No one is talking about how Leah obviously abandoned Dog, she left him shut in the damn cabin for who knows how long after she left. And she DID leave. The cabin looked abandoned when Daryl left the note. He obviously went searching for her with Dog, but for how long?

Not to say there was nothing between them, but I never felt for an instant that Leah had Daryl's heart, or that he ever offered it up to her in the first place, but I am also 100% sure that’s because I’m ride-or-die for Caryl and can’t bear to entertain the thought. No matter what else they were, Daryl and Leah are isolated, damaged, traumatized people who wanted someone to hold on to. Someone to try and forget with. It's not like there were a lot of other people around to choose from.

So did Leah just leave Dog behind because the memories associated with him were too painful? (i.e. he was born on the day Leah's son died) Or did she feel that Daryl needed the companionship and gambled that Daryl would drop by soon and take him in? It really bothers me that she just split and left the dog locked in the cabin like that.

Grateful they didn't show us anything extra of Daryl seeming to genuinely give a shit, tbh. (Throwing a fish at someone's door, having sex with them, sleeping in their bed or eating their cooking doesn't necessarily constitute giving a shit in this world, just saying.) That was both refreshing (cuz u know, Caryl is endgame), and kind of tragic. I felt like Daryl was rather emotionally detached the entire time, but that Leah was maybe falling in love with him. Not in a good way, but in a possessive, demanding, all-or-nothing type of way.

How very very clever of AMC to leave us with all these ambiguities. So much room for interpretation, so many gaps to never be filled in. Bastards. On the bright side, all these holes in the story and missing material provide endless new opportunities for fanfic writers like me who can't break free of the bonds of canon. So, yay, I guess?

I am sad to give up the virgin Daryl trope, I was beginning to think that one was ours in canon to keep, but you know, it is what it is. It was a good, long run while it lasted, and I'm grateful we got to write inexperienced Daryl fics while we could still entertain the fantasy that Daryl was actually inexperienced. So, R.I.P. virgin Daryl. I'm not as upset about his getting laid as I thought I'd be (although it was incredibly underhanded, AMC, to pull this shit so very late in the game, there better be a good reason for it).

All the Leah thing means to me right now is that our man has probably picked up some skills during his time with her, and Carol's gonna be the ultimate beneficiary. Plus, Daryl's evolved over the years from throwing a fish at a woman's door to delivering her dinner on a tray with a flower, so...progress was made, even if he didn't start out with the woman we wish he had. (News Flash: The love of his life was unavailable and actually married to another man at the time, so there's that.)

There are a staggering number of Caryllels in this episode. Someone once said here that Kang loves her symbolism and they weren't wrong. No matter what's to come, we can be confident about where this road ends. At this point in TWD, to not eventually give us Caryl canon would be the absolute greatest trolling of a fandom in the history of trolling fandoms, and besides, we're getting a spin-off.

Another thing, the fact that Rick and Leah both basically disappeared on him shines a bright light on Daryl's determination to stick to Carol like glue in 10A and B. He was terrified that she was going to disappear on him, too.

What happened to the Caryl fandom following the spoilers wasn't worth it. How many times have we freaked out over spoilers? You think we'd learn. And you KNOW we are valued because AMC went so very far out of their way to provide the vaguest-ever depiction of a sexual encounter for Daryl. Remember the Eugene spying scene with Abe and Rosita, guys? Shane and Lori screwing on the ground in the woods? They could really have tortured us, and they chose to be kind.

I'm looking forward to "Diverged." Honestly, I could give a shit about most of the other characters, but they'll have to make do for us over the next couple of weeks. Just about the time 10.18's been dissected and interpreted to death, Caryl will reappear on our screens and mess with our hearts and minds some more. I can't wait.

Thank you for coming to my rant, and Caryl on!

#caryl rant #caryl spoilers

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identybeautynet · 3 years

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Black In Fashion 2021

Black In Fashion Only black is the new black: a cultural history of fashion’s favorite shade When the group Time’s Up encouraged all actresses and actors who would walk the Golden Globes red carpet to dress in a show of solidarity against sexual harassment of women in Hollywood and other workplaces, the color it asked them to wear was black. On Jan. 30, a group of women in the US congress followed their lead, donning black for the first state of the union address by president Trump, who has himself been accused by numerous women of sexual misconduct. There is nothing about black that inherently signifies protest, but really no other shade would have sent so clear a message. There’s a reason country legend Johnny Cash also chose to wear black as a reminder to Americans of the everyday injustices in their midst. Black clothing has an undeniable power. Unlike red or green, which represent specific wavelengths of light, black isn’t exactly a color; it’s what we see when an object absorbs all visible wavelengths, putting it in a category by itself. Its singular darkness has a unique visual potency, and its adaptability has long made it open to interpretation by the numerous groups that have adopted it. Black connotes seriousness and diligence, as in the black worn by religious orders. It can be sinister or rebellious, like the black cloaks of witches or the black leather jackets worn by biker gangs. In many cultures, it’s the color of mourning. But it can simultaneously be the epitome of chic and sophistication, yet charged with eroticism. All these qualities have given black a distinctive position in fashion enjoyed by no other color. The Little Purple Dress is not famous. “Yellow tie” is not a recognized dress code. Only black will ever be the new black. Black is in Among the endless variety of colors and combinations that fashion retailers stock, black is a perennially popular choice. In a recent analysis of more than 183,000 dresses retailing online in the US, retail technology firm Edited found that about 38.5% were some shade of black, making it by far the most common color available. Only about 10.7% of dresses came in the second-most popular shade, white. EDITED Edited’s representation of the dress colors currently retailing online in the US. At the moment, black’s popularity also appears to be surging. According to Edited’s data, black dresses sold out in far greater numbers in the first few weeks of January 2018 than during the same period last year. Edited did point to Time’s Up having an effect, though it’s difficult to pinpoint exactly what’s fueling the trend, since an increase in the availability of black clothing online predates the movement. From the third quarter of 2014 to the same time in 2017, Edited found that black clothing for women grew substantially at a number of fast-fashion brands—by 269% at Boohoo, 145% at Zara, 114% at H&M, and 89% at Forever 21. Katie Smith, the firm’s retail analysis & insights director, attributed it to the brands “using black to try and establish longevity of their ranges, and appeal to a wider customer base.” The numbers speak to the breadth and endurance of black’s appeal. It works with every skin tone, every body type, and is generally a safe choice for a purchase—because even if demand for it ebbs, it never goes out of style. AP PHOTO/FRANCOIS MORI Naomi Campbell in classic black on the Louis Vuitton fall-winter 2018 runway. A cultural history There’s no official start to the modern popularity of black in European and American women’s fashion. Historically it’s been a signifier of grief, dating back to at least the ancient Greeks. But it has also been widely coveted for its appearance. In his book The Story of Black, critic John Harvey notes that, though the Romans principally dyed clothing black for mourning, there are indications they prized it for its stylishness. In the 16th century, there was a vogue for black clothing—then notoriously expensive (pdf)—among Europe’s wealthy, from Spanish nobility in the south to Dutch merchants in the north. But a convenient turning point in black’s more recent reign arrived around the early 20th century. That, Harvey writes, is when black “came to centre stage.” The spotlight fell squarely on it in 1926, with the introduction of Chanel’s famed little black dress. THE MUSEUM OF MODERN ART/MARTIN SECK An array of Little Black Dresses from the Museum of Modern Art’s “Items: Is Fashion Modern?” exhibit. Just prior to that period, black was the standard uniform color for domestic servants and the “shopgirls” who staffed retail shop floors. Social norms, however, were losing their trappings of formality. Sportswear was beginning its rise, and hemlines already climbing higher, as young society women moved away from eras of lavish, restrictive gowns. Shelley Puhak describes in The Atlantic how the upper classes co-opted the easy, modern shopgirl style for themselves. “By the early 1900s, socialites who wanted to appear especially youthful and edgy donned little black dresses,” she writes. When Vogue put a sketch of Chanel’s simple, practical black dress on its cover in 1926, calling it “The Ford” of a woman’s wardrobe, it seemed to make official a new era in women’s clothing. It also promoted black as smart, elegant, attractive. AFP/GETTY IMAGES Coco Chanel lounging in black in 1944. In addition to fashion, black had another powerful force helping it to stand out: film. “The other great promoter of the Little Black Dress was the camera, especially the movie camera,” art and costume historian Anne Hollander wrote in her excellent 1984 essay (pdf). A novel world of entertainment, romance, and movie stars was opening up to an eager public—all in black-and-white. The brilliance of black Black’s effect on the eye gives it an irresistible visual appeal. “A black dress seems to make the body neater and smaller and to unify the parts,” Hollander declares. “Since many bodies are not slim and lack either perfect harmony or absolute coordination, a black dress can help give them that delicious resemblance to a stretch limousine that seems so desirable in the present fashion climate.” Yet black has a remarkable tendency to be distinctive without overshadowing the wearer, in a sense amplifying the person. Hollander points to a scene in Anna Karenina, where Anna attends a ball. Tolstoy describes another woman, Kitty, remarking on her black gown. She realizes that Anna could not have worn lilac, that she was most alluring when she stood out from her clothing. “And the black dress with luxurious lace was not seen on her;” Tolstoy writes, “it was just a frame, and only was she seen.” While it’s not exactly analogous, a recent study of male birds-of-paradise reveals an intriguingly similar power in their black plumage. The birds are well-known for their bobbing courtship dance, but according to the researchers, it’s actually their coloring that determines their success in mating. The mostly black birds raise their wings to form a light-absorbing field, causing their other colors to appear all the more brilliant. “The juxtaposition of darkest black and colors create to bird and human eyes what is essentially an evolved optical illusion,” explained Harvard University evolutionary biologist Dakota McCoy. “This study shows us that black makes us glow.” On male humans, black is often seen as dignified and levelheaded. In his Book of the Courtier, a sort of guide to life in the aristocratic courts of Renaissance Italy, Count Baldassare Castiglione states that black is the preferred color for a man, or at least something dark. Harvey points out in The Story of Black that black has been the standard for men’s evening wear since the 1810s, in large part thanks to the advocacy of Beau Brummell. The name may be familiar to some men. He’s widely considered the inventor of the modern men’s suit and a sort of founding father of contemporary menswear. AP PHOTO Sean Connery on the set of the James Bond movie “You Only Live Twice” in 1966. Black’s hold on high-fashion AP PHOTO A black chiffon cocktail dress from Balenciaga shown in 1957. In the decades since Chanel’s compact black number graced Vogue‘s cover, numerous designers have adopted and elevated black for their own purposes. Cristóbal Balenciaga used it for his elegant, architectural silhouettes, and Yves Saint Laurent for his androgynous “le smoking” women’s tuxedo. In the latter half of the 20th century, it became closely linked to fringe groups and rebellion. Bikers and beatniks donned black. Then, the Japanese design wave of Issey Miyake, Yohji Yamamoto, and Rei Kawakubo of Comme des Garçons made a new art form of the black look. Fashion journalist Suzy Menkes asked Yamamoto what was behind his well-known predilection for black in a 2000 interview for the International Herald Tribune. Yamamoto’s response has evidently summed up the feelings of black’s devotees so well that it has circulated for some time on social networks such as Tumblr and Instagram. ”Black is modest and arrogant at the same time,” he said. “Black is lazy and easy — but mysterious….Black can swallow light, or make things look sharp. But above all black says this: ‘I don’t bother you — don’t bother me!'” Given black’s adaptability and allure, it’s little wonder it remains a popular choice for all sorts of styles today. Black-obsessed artisanal menswear designers deploy it for their exquisite leather jackets. Designers such as Ann Demeulemeester have gravitated toward its romanticism, others like Balmain’s Olivier Rousteing to its sleekness. Black colors fancy cocktail parties, and goth kids match their clothes to their black eyeliner as readily as socialites thrown on black for a night out. By all indications, its attraction isn’t diminishing. We’ll be flying the black flag for years to come. Black In Fashion, Black In Fashion, Black In Fashion, Black In Fashion, Black In Fashion, Black In Fashion, Black In Fashion Read the full article

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gothamcityneedsme · 3 years

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I saw this bouncing around my dash and decided to fill it out myself for fun :) I decided to not double-list any games, and I tried to mix up the companies I used too so that the list would be more unique.

Long post, so I’m doing a readmore for my longwinded part lol.

(read more)

Favorite Game: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2: The Sith Lords - I could talk about this game forever. How it tears apart the Star Wars universe from within, how it creates a compelling story while challenging the usual themes, etc. I could talk for ages about the characters and how their motivations slot in place, and how this game lends itself to interpretation and analysis alongside roleplay. It’s just a wonderful game, one I deeply love and will always love. It’s a game that isn’t afraid to have you talk to other characters for twenty or thirty minutes at a time and honestly I’m always riveted at every line. This game deserves the cult fanbase it has, but I think there’s a lot the fanbase misses in appreciating this game. (Note...gameplay is a little janky and a community made mod restores a lot content that was cut before shipping-the game wasn’t properly finished).

Best Story: Fallout New Vegas - It’s the setting that makes the story here, and all the moving pieces and factions alongside the main conflict really make this game stand out. There’s so many little pieces to find along the way in the world and the way the main quest splits based on who you want in power feels important--and you are choosing a future for this whole region.

Favorite Art Style: The Witness - This game is peacefully wonderful with its visuals. There are wonderful nature scenes and nests of wires and panels spreading in various parts of the island that are fascinating to look at. The environment is half of the gameplay in most areas, so it’s important to look around even though exploration is not really the gameplay. You find puzzles in the world, even in nature, and it’s fascinating. The colors are bright and beautiful. There is even a map in the middle of the island inside of a lake that helps you track your progress if you notice it (it isn’t like a normal ‘map’).

Favorite Soundtrack: Shin Megami Tensei IV - I love video game soundtracks, but SMTIV is something special. The music booms in ways that make you really understand the atmosphere of the world, and there’s a great mix of different kinds of tracks for different places. I love the tracks for the other worlds you enter, and the themes of the different routes are done so well. Some of the music draws from past SMT games, but the remixes done for this game really are stunning to me, and there’s so many fantastic original tracks.

Hardest Game: I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream - I love this game but I literally never touch it without a walkthrough, which is why it gets to be the hardest game on the list, despite being a point and click adventure game lol. Also just emotionally this game is challenging too, but I definitely mean this more in terms of getting a ‘perfect run’.

Funniest Game: The Stanley Parable - Trying to make this list has taught me that I don’t really play many ‘funny games’. I don’t know if a game where multiple endings demand that you kill yourself should count as a ‘funniest game’, but it is also a game where the narrator tells you to stare at a fern and memorize its features, so....it counts.

Game I Like that is Hated: RWBY Grimm Eclipse - I’ve been playing this game since it was in early access and have loved it the whole time. I find the gameplay soothing and fun, and I like playing the different characters. It’s a game I play to chill out and just enjoy some fun battle mechanics. It’s a fun game and I’ve spent over 100 hours in it, so I hope I like it, lol.

Game I Hate that is Liked: Nier Automata - Neither this game’s gameplay or story impress me, and the fact that you have to replay basically the same stuff from a more boring-to-play-character’s pov in order to SEE all of the plot is a huge damper on the experience. The story, to me, someone who engages with a lot of robot-focused fiction, is far from impressive or new, and it hardly engages with genre specifics at all, let alone in a new or interesting way. I view this game as ‘a story with robots in it’ rather than ‘a story about robots’, which, to me, is a detriment.

Underrated: Nevermind - This game is amazing and very unheard of--and when it is heard of, it has been marketed incorrectly. Nevermind seems like a horror game, and does market itself as one a bit, but it’s much more than that. It’s more about trauma, recovery, therapy, etc. This is a game that is so mindful about the topics it engages in that I am impressed by it every time. It’s heavy with symbolism and character, despite lacking conversations or other similar game mechanics. This is a lovely game that I really wish more people knew about-`p5-all of the patients are so interesting, and the focus on recovery and mental health is impressive.

Overrated: Fire Emblem - I sort of mean this as the series as a whole really. I have enjoyed the entries I have played somewhat, but I overall consider the series much less impressive than I was led to believe by others. The gameplay especially is not impressive to me in any regard, even though I sometimes do find myself enjoying it. The stories are alright, but many of them are weighed down by the gameplay and as a writer and person who likes to analyze writing, it’s very hard to do so when it isn’t able to fully exist under the chains the gameplay forces on it. There are ways to mix gameplay and story well, Fire Emblem has not really done that in any of the entries I’ve played. That being said, I don’t regret playing them, and I will occasionally replay, but I consider them mediocre games at best.

Best Voice Acting: Devil Survivor 2 - I love the voice acting in this game. I feel like all the characters are really suited to their voices, and it’s really easy for me to visualize their voices. They really bring the game to life and make both the dramatic and the funny scenes more enjoyable.

Worst Voice Acting: Jedi Knight Jedi Academy - I love this game, I really do, but some of the voice acting is janky. Some of it is okay too--I think Kyle Katarn’s voice actor does fine, and some of the others I like NOW but hated when I was a kid, but the male protagonist voice in this game is just awful. Which is bad when Jennifer Hale is the female voice actress lol. His performance is passable though unless you’re playing darksided--the darksided ending to the game lacks all punch when you’re playing the male protagonist.

Favorite Male: Battler Ushiromiya from Umineko no Naku Koro Ni - He’s the protagonist for most of the visual novels and I adore him utterly, especially once you move past episode 2. He’s a wonderful character who I care about deeply. I love his drive and how he fights--he’s someone who is easy to cheer for. He matures well throughout the series and his character development is just wonderful.

Favorite Female: Naoto Shirogane from Persona 4 - I really like how Naoto fits so well in the game, especially for being a final recruit--oftentimes the final recruit of Persona games (post 3) have a bit of a more difficult time feeling right with the group. Naoto works really well though, and I love her struggles and story as well. I think the difficulties she has concerning living as a woman in her field hit very deep to a problem that has existed for a very long time.

Favorite Protagonist: Connor of Daventry from King’s Quest 8 Mask of Eternity - I’m like, one of four fans of this character in the world, lol. KQ8 is not a very well liked game and it does have a lot of issues, both with age and with how much of a departure it is from the series prior to it. It’s strange to take a puzzle adventure game and make it a hybrid with what basically is a shooter, and it doesn’t really work. Add to that the fact that you spend most of your time in the game without anyone around to talk to and it leads to this really polarizing and weird experience. For me, Conner goes through what I would consider to be the ‘Ultimate Nightmare Scenario”. Everyone in the world is turned to stone except him (and he survived out of mere chance) and so now it’s up to him, practically alone, to save the entire world. There is no game lonelier than this. I adore him for his bravery in the face of it, and how he just picks up to do what must be done because someone should do it, and if no one else can, then he will. I also really love how he apologizes to people who are encased in stone while he takes money from their houses to help him on his journey. I really do think he went back after the game was over and gave everyone heaps of gold to pay them back with interest lol.

Favorite Village: Oakvale from Fable - The first Fable is the only one I really like, and it was one of the games I played when I was little, so the hometown in the game always meant a lot to me. I like how you grow up there and how your tragic backstory is there--and then how you get to return to the town years later after you’ve come into your own, and you can see it completely rebuilt. I like to spend a lot of my time in this town, just wandering around it and playing the minigames. Even though I have a house in every town, Oakvale is where my hero calls home.

Most Hated Character: Merril from Dragon Age 2 - I don’t really want to lay into how I feel about Merril, but what I will say is that it was suggested to me that I totally ignore her when playing, and I did so. I only met her for her quest, dropped her off in town, and literally never spoke to her or interacted for the rest of the game. I had a much better experience for it, honestly. She appeared after I made my choice in the end of the game, which felt weird since I hadn’t spoken to her in several ingame years, but other than that, the game was totally fine without her. I sort of just wish you could kill characters in DA2 the way you can in DAO, then I’d just do that, tbh. It doesn’t suit very many (or any) of the characters I rp in DA2 to keep her around or support her in any way.

First Game I Played: Mixed up Mother Goose Deluxe - I’m not actually sure if this is the FIRST game I’ve ever played or not, but it’s one of the first I played alone as a kid. I really loved it--this is probably what created my love for point and click adventures, and the game was very silly and fun.

Favorite Company: Bioware - I’ve always been a sucker for Bioware games, ever since Knights of the Old Republic 1 was my favorite childhood game. I love how they do stories and party members, and while I’m not a fan of all of their games, I really love what they’ve made and their style of storytelling and character driven plot. Even though sometimes their stories get cliche, I think the suit video games well and most of my early gaming was within their games.

Hated Company: EA - Bioware truly only started to go to shit after the EA acquisition, so I fucking hate EA. I know Bioware had issues before EA too, but I definitely don’t think EA has helped the situation whatsoever.

Depressing Game: The Beginner’s Guide - I relate to this game as a creator and a writer, and it affects me deeply because of the story it tells and the questions it raises. It makes me reflect on how I think of myself as a creator, and it reminds me of friendships I used to have.

Creepy Game: The Path - God, I love this game. It’s just aimlessly wandering around and finding symbolic scenery and watching your current character comment on it. Then, you go off to find your girl’s wolf, and each one is different and unique to her, and you watch it ‘kill’ her--and facing her wolf is the only way each girl can truly mature. Whenever you get to grandmother’s house, the camera switches to first person, and your eyes keep closing, so you can only see while clicking to move. It forces you to keep moving so that you can see, but since you are moving, you only get to see things somewhat vaguely. It’s got a great atmosphere, and I love the symbolic storytelling.

Happy Game: Eastshade - This game is so sweet. There’s some drama around to with many of the quests, but I like this as an rpg without combat, and I think this would be a really good kids game. There’s a lot to see and explore, and the game was made to be really pretty so that you want to paint several aspects of it. It’s really lovely to just wander around in this game and bike around the area, painting anything that suits your fancy. As long as you don’t finish the main quest, you’re free to wander, and materials do respawn, so you essentially can infinitely paint once you get far enough.

Favorite Ending: Virtue’s Last Reward - I love the questions this game asks and where the ending goes. It thematically ties together--the whole reason the game itself exists is to get the attention of a ‘higher being’--the player, essentially. I love how it plays with that concept, and even though the final game in the series doesn’t entirely pick this idea up where this game left it, standalone this game is stunning in how it comes together.

#shitpost #long post #this was fun to do #i made it so every answer was a different video game and i tried to mix up my companies as well #got 3 atlus games on here but mer #2 obsidon #llol #2 sierra too haha but still #beginner's guide and tsp were made by the same guy too but #STILL I LIMITED MYSELF OK #these answers aren't absolute because i was trying to have a good diverse list lol

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abloomntime · 3 years

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A Bloom In Time Ch6 A Tale Of A Prince,Queen,And Princess Of Flowers

(Warning: Death scene in this chapter. I do not know Snatcher's or The Florist's real names so Im making my own headcannon names for the two. Also mentioning of Death near the end of the chapter.)

You may have heard this story but not in the correct version you might've thought. Gather around children and I'll tell you the story of a Prince of Shadows, A Queen of Golden Hair, and an honorary Princess of Flowers. And it all took place one thousand years ago. Way before you or I was born.

Once upon a time there was a planet called Subconia and there are many different cultures and people who live on this world, but the two kingdoms we shall explore was two kingdoms that don't exist anymore. A thousand years ago there lived two kingdoms who lived side by side. The MUCH larger Kingdom Of Subcon, and the tinier Kingdom of Subconette. Though these two kingdoms shared similar names and people, they were worlds apart. A lone Queen ruled over Subconette while a kind King and Queen ruled over Subcon. Years passed as the kingdoms continued to stand, until one fateful day three children were born. A beautiful little princess with hair of the sun was born to the lone queen and a handsome baby boy of equal beauty was born to the Subcon kingdom. Their names? Princess Vanessa and Prince Philip of the Subcon Kingdoms.

Did you all remember me mentioning a third child born? Ah! Good. You're paying attention to my old tale.

Yes. A third child was born, but not of royal blood. A young girl, with hair of rose red and eyes of ocean blue was born to a small farming family just on the outskirts of the kingdom of Subcon, but it was fate that decided her role in the future. Her name? Poppy Rose Bloomington...But I'm getting a little ahead of myself aren't I? Let us proceed with the two lives of the royals before the three intertwined.

As months went by, the Prince and Princess's parents deemed it so that the two would be betrothed in holy matrimony, a union to bring the two kingdoms together at last and bring peace to them all. As the amount of years grew, so did the beauty of the princess. Her skin, was very fair and her hair a beautiful yellow rivalling any gold treasure, with a voice as tender and soft as velvet. Not a woman in the kingdoms could rival her own beauty....Or so she thought. Ever since she was small her mother always made sure Vanessa could have anything a young lady wanted. Servants, good food, exotic jewelry, expensive dresses, anything was hers at a moment's demand and she relished in the fact of being a perfect princess like in those fairytales her mother always read her, always fantasizing about her perfect fairytale like with her Prince Charming and having that perfect white wedding. And that spoiled thinking would ultimately lead this girl to doom. Her mother building her up so and giving in to every request only made her want what was truly a fantasy. An actual fairytale perfect life, whether anybody liked it or not. She fell hard for the handsome young prince of brown hair and handsome features. From the time she could understand to speak, her mother always told her Prince Philip was her betrothed, and were to her married when they grew. Her betrothed.....Her Prince. ALL HERS AND NO ONE ELSE'S!!! She would always be the kind Princess her Prince deserved and he WOULD be the Prince she knew he could be.

Prince Philip was more clear minded than given credit for. The young prince was a kind hearted young boy who cared for his people greatly and wanted to better himself and his country. Therefore it would only make sense for him to want to study the laws governing his kingdom so he may better them. And so his studies began. From a young age the boy studied laws enough to make his parents proud he was taking his studies seriously and at the same time was often taken on visits to meet his future beloved. It was love at first sight....at least at first it was. She was so beautiful and kind and wanted to spend time with him all the time. It was a kinda god send for someone who had no siblings or other children to play with. Having someone your age around you could play and talk to with was exciting. And her beauty only grew over time as well as his love for her, how couldn't he love someone as beautiful and kind as Vanessa? She was perfect.....Too perfect. Things couldn't last forever unfortunately. Vanessa's poor mother had started coming down with an illness that slowly started to make her waste away as her daughter grew and so he tried to be there of course and help console his future beloved, which is where fate intertwined these fated lovers. You see, if there was one thing that Vanessa loved more than anything was attention. Whether it be from her servants telling her how beautiful she was, or compliments....She LOVED attention from her Prince and ...'lightly suggested' it would be nice to receive things. And things she received, flowers mostly.

Did you notice how I pointed out flowers? Good eye.

You see, Poppy was always born with a green thumb, being from a long line of farmers of course helped. She could grow anything from potatoes to peach trees, but ever since she was small, she had always had one love. Flowers! Didn't matter what kind, she always loved growing them just as much as Vanessa loved receiving beautiful flowers from her prince. Which lead us to the fated meeting of the Florist. Poppy worked her whole life to build up her own flower stand and by the age of fifteen she had achieved it. A small flower stand within the Subcon Village, filled with lots of Merry children and near the famous vacation home of the famous Princess Vanessa. Sometimes she'd be lucky enough to see the beautiful princess walking around the village talking to the children but one fateful day to Poppy's surprise a young handsome man with brown hair and a golden crown on his head came to visit the small stand of flowers. Buying the most beautiful roses Poppy had before leaving. And this young ones is how a friendship began. Almost everyday of the week the prince would stop by the Florist's stands and pick out a new bundle of pretty flowers for his mourning and beautiful princess and everyday she would smile and talk to the prince. Business sales went up and she was giddy a well known man had taken interest in her flowers. Then he started asking what she'd recommend he'd get a lady since she was one, she proudly pointed to daises, and tulips, and tigerlillies. So many to choose from, so many to give. Gradually their conversations turned more business like and an unlikely bond began to weave with them. A friendship he had never had beyond any personal life or otherwise. He learnt her name too. Poppy. Named after those cute red poppy flowers she loved so much, with a spark and feisty temper to match. Made him laugh a couple times when she pointed out something snarky he liked. Slowly melting his heart with her passion and tales of hard work she had to do to get where she was know. And he admired her for that.

Unfortunately fairytales don't last beyond pages, and the Prince learnt that the hard way when Vanessa convinced her still ill mother to make a new law. Telling him he's become fat and shouldn't eat bacon anymore to watch his health. Poppy was confused at such a ridiculous law and her friend was obviously upset about it, but he passed it off as Vanessa wanting to make sure he was healthy as her mother was still dying slowly. Then slowly by surely things only began to get worse. Vanessa wanting attention was fine and he vowed to give her all the attention she deserved, but now she demanded ALL his attention ever and always began scrutinizing him for not being Princely enough now that he began his advanced studies and would go back home within a few months time to finish his more difficult studies under one of the kingdom's best tutors. His only escape was when Vanessa was discussing her future duties with her mother and also taking her Princess classes with her tutors. He was then free to walk around and do as he pleased if only for a few hours a day, those were spent reading or walking around the village, but he learnt pretty quickly to bring some kind of gift or trinket back for her as an excuse for why he'd been out. Vanessa's jealousy could rival that of a child. He never intended for it to happen of course but the strain of the relationship getting to him and the way he looked so tired all the time. Barely smiling when he came in to get Vanessa more flowers. Against her better judgement, Poppy asked why he wasn't smiling anymore and let him rant about his day. Which was a daily thing for them after that. Him coming in, Poppy letting him rant, then he'd buy flowers and leave. Rinse and repeat for the next two years to a few weeks before their twentieth birthdays with Poppy cracking jokes and trying to be helpful and the prince slowly growing more and more fond over her unlady-like snorts and giggles, to her bold statements, to her bright smile always trying to cheer up her friend. All the while Vanessa continued to go down this rabbithole of perfection. He still made excuses for her. Her mother was dying, she was going to be Queen soon, she wasn't ready-.....Well for being Queen that is. Vanessa had already planned out their lives together and even built a BLOODY nursery for their future child that wasn't even born yet. One in her castle and one in the mansion he was staying at, but Vanessa would visit very often. Even stay a few days.

But what really concerned his friend was the hair incident. When he came in with his usual shoulder length brown hair was chopped up and a bad bleached blonde color, with brown patches here and there. He claimed he was alright. Vanessa just wanted to surprise him by doing his hair while he slept. He could tell his friend was concerned and told him as much. He smiled knowing at least someone cared about his well being. Then came the last month he stayed and then off he went back home he went. To spend his final year of tutoring under the wonderful Lady Winchester. She was a kind old lady who taught his father before him and knew the laws better than anyone. He bid his last day there to his beloved Vanessa who cried and begged him not too, and once he fled her clutches......uh Hugged her good bye, he couldn't help but feel very releived he'd get to spend a whole year away from her as hash as it may be. But he did make sure to bid his friend good bye as well. Having one last conversation and sharing a couple jokes before he finally left.

That year would be the hardest for our ill fated lovers and the florist friend. While the Prince was able to breath and see his loved ones again, he couldn't help but miss her. Not Vanessa surprisingly but with all the serious laws and classes he missed their little visits when she always cheered him up and her beautiful smile and that passion she always had for anything she set her mind too.....It wasn't very long before he came to the sudden realization. The prince had slowly but surely fallen in love with the young red headed gal. So many emotions hit him at once. Happiness and guilt being the biggest two. For one, he was engaged to Vanessa, betrothed to be married a few months after all his studies are over. He couldn't go against his parents or break Vanessa's heart after so many years of being together, and she needed him. They had been exchanging letters and learnt her mother had sadly passed during an accident. While he couldn't attend her coronation or her mother's funeral, he still sent her many letters. There was still a piece of him that loved and cared about the young kind girl he grew up with, but not the lady she had become....But his heart was tugging towards the Princess of Flowers as he nicknamed her. The sweet scent always following her around. He often found himself happily thinking about his friend....But that's all they could ever be....Just friends. Vanessa was still his priority as glum as that made him and he had a duty to be there for his future wife. Besides. He was only delaying the inevitable by studying, soon they'd be wed and he would be together with her always.......Though that thought did NOT put him at ease at all. Vanessa in the mean time only drove further into her perfect fairytale madness. WIth her mother passing and her Prince not being able to call her his princess anymore, she was determined to then make her prince her King Instead and keep him all to herself. Jealousy spiking whenever he mentioned this Lady Winchester teaching him, he spoke so fondly and highly of his teacher. What did SHE have Vanessa didn't?! Vanessa was perfect. She made sure every INCH of her was, he just didn't put in enough effort on his part. All he needed was her back so he could know where his true place lied.

When the prince ultimately returned to spend just a holiday week at the summer house before their wedding within a few months time.....It was worse than ever. Vanessa demanded more attention of him. Accused him of liking the lady in the letters he had sent her. Said she would be staying in the summer house with him until their wedding to make sure he wasn't getting cold feet. Still despite all this and him trying to calm her down, he still made poor excuses for her and justified his betrothes's behavior towards him. Falling deeper and deeper into his now rare visits to his friend and falling more and more in love with her as the drew on. Knowing he could never really tell her how he really felt about her. Until one fateful day, the end of that week was the royals anniversary, the prince wanted to appease his beloved by getting her a beautiful bracelet and flowers for their anniversary as a gift to her. She deserved something special for the occasion before he went back, and soon his lonely self went on to that same little stand to but some flowers for his beautiful bride to be. Unfortunately he had used all his remaining pons to pay the jeweler for the bracelet .....but it-....He-......He gave the florist the bracelet as payment. One last gift from him he'd ever get to give her sadly.

For you see, the princess's jealousy had reached a boiling point. Delusionly thinking that her prince was courting another woman. In her range when he returned to the castle, a grim fate awaited him in the form of a curse and becoming locked within the cellar death did they part. Their kingdoms both in ruins from the curse. Anyone who didn't fall ill to the curse, fled the country never to return again. Vanessa now trapped within her own home, and the prince becoming a spirit of malice no one dares to challenge.

But what of the Florist you ask? Was she frozen by the Jealous Queen, or escaped with many other people? Well, we're about to find out.

***********************************************************************************************

Cold. Darkness. All of it came rushed over so suddenly. Just like the two heavily armored guards carrying her kicking and screaming self towards the dreaded summer house that housed the royals deep in the snowed up world. That winter suddenly came that year unexpectedly with the freezing winds suddenly whipping around her when she just closed up her stand for the day, pocketing the expensive bracelet she was given as payment and what coins she received as payment, ready to go home. She didn't make much from her flower stand she always wanted, but that was always fine and dandy. She loved the smiles on the children's faces when they'd buy single flowers for their parents, or if she'd sell them flowers in exchange for small things like food. It was one way to get to eat around here. But the chills filling the air that after noon followed by the loud thumping sounds coming towards her were new. Especially when all of a sudden two giant armored men stood over her and seized her without warning. So naturally she resisted and fought against her captors as they took her away.

"LET THE PECK GO OF ME!! I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!! YOU CAN'T DO THIS!!"

The farther down the path they went the more horrified she became. There was ...snow. IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER!! Harsh white and cold wind glared all around her as she gawked around wildly....and then shrieked at the sight of a frozen person as they passed. Their feared expression forever frozen on their face. The poor girl went silent from the numb cold as those blue eyes widened in horror at all the suurounding frozen people as they walked past, never easing up on her grip, or giving any emotion to anything around them as the horrified woman went limp in their arms from shock as they approached the black gates and beyond that was the manor. Her blue eyes flicked up to it. It looked more menacing than it usually did as the entire house loomed over them the closer they got and a sudden feeling of dread filled her up to the very core of her soul as they were swallowed by the shadows and even more coldness bearing down on her. The guards didn't stop until they were going up the stairs and into the home. It was as dark and cold as the outside. Even more so if that was possible. She was still frozen and scared in the grip of the guards when the doors opened and they forced her inside. The inside of the manor was colder than the outside is that was even possible, and if she wasn't already in shock, she would've shrieked at what was awaiting them just a few feet away from the door.

In the darkness of cold and shadows, a hunched over monster made it's way over to them but dared not come further than five feet giving a hiss. Like she was a skunk and this red eyed thing was afraid of her. How strange, but that didn't stop her stop pointing a hand at her, and in possibly the most scariest, raspy voice Poppy had ever heard. Said:

"Take her to the room and lock her away. ...I can't to look at her for as my prince had done. Perhaps locking away her forever will teach her a lesson about gazing into another man's eyes who belong TO ME!!"

"...WAIT!! WHAT?!" She attempted to struggle again but their strength was too much.

Sadly be the fate of the innocent florist wasn't a pleasant one. As she was marched up the stairs to the very third floor of the manor, the coldness and shadows started to become too much to the point of her screaming and struggling body starting to be overcome by them all. the long hallway they were taking her down ended in a single pair of double doors, the doors suurounded by locks that haven't been locked yet. As her weakly numbing body was pushed into the empty room, she looked up just in time to see the two heavily armored guards slam the doors behind her. She struggled to stand with the cold seeping through all her body but wobbled to the door, vision blurring with nothing but darkness. Even as all the clicks and locks of the locks were put into place and the floor jostling with the heavy footsteps of the guards stopping away, she fell to her knees against the door and banged her fist against it. Screaming to be let out as the coldness and blackness seeped more into the room and still overtook her form.

Until it completely consumed her and upon the floor she laid. Beautiful red hair and blue eyes preserved by frost. Until a thousand years later. .....when a miracle happened...

And she once again got to take a breath.

#flowercrown #A Hat In Time #a hat in time snatcher #a hat in time florist #The Florist #Florist #snatcher x florist #Snatcher

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charmingpplincardigans · 4 years

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Today I am thinking about bodies. Or well, I am always thinking about bodies, but today I’m thinking about the way that I write people inhabiting their bodies. I get complimented on it! I think I do a pretty good job of it! For me, the body is often the way into a character. They become their bodies before they become anything else. They have ticks, they move fitfully, they think about their hands, their mouths, the wind in their hair, the weight on their shoulders, metaphorical and physical. They think about other character’s bodies, because other people’s bodies tell stories their mouths often won’t, and I’m interested in those stories.

I’m interested in them because I feel like I don’t always understand them. I feel like a mimic who is learning to be a woman--a person, an inhabiter of flesh--daily. I watch the way other people move as I work to build myself on the run, and so do my characters.

Sometimes people read this as sexual interest between characters, even when I didn’t mean for it to be. To be fair to the readers, most of what they’ve read from me is fic about two idiots falling in love and/or lust, so honest mistake tbh. If you’re reading this now then the odds are pretty good that you’ve read my Raven Cycle fic, of which there is roughly 200,000 words devoted to how much Ronan would like to sweetly kiss Adam in his car and vice versa. (Sometimes less sweetly, sometimes other places besides his car.) But even my fics that are not sexual or romantic are sensual. I think that’s the right word for it, sensual but not prurient. My characters do not have designs on the bodies they are observing, but they observe deeply anyway as I grasp for the secret knowledge that everyone else seems to have but no one ever let me in on.

How is one meant to feel in a body? How does one, knowing they are a being of love (or wanting to become one), best put that into the world? It has to be through their body, right? Through projects they do for others and cookies they bake and letters they write and songs they sing and dances they make up, and their laughter. Mostly their laughter I hope. It’s definitely the thing my body gives most freely.

I think about this a lot. About how I don’t know. About how awkward I feel taking up space, colliding with others. I crave touch, but I worry that I’m craving it wrong. Too much maybe or too intensely. Or that I want too much from other people’s bodies and that it’s also read as more sexual/romantic than it is meant to be because sensuality in its truest sense is the only thing that keeps me from floating away from body and disassociating entirely some days. (I mean, it is 100% sometimes also those other things, but my inability to work out the first thing is really holding me back there.)

And this isn’t a complaint or anything anyone needs to fix. Please, continue to send me messages about how hot a scene is, or how much you felt it. Some days those comments really get me through like nothing else. Just know, I guess, that I’m a fumbling imposter, that I want to hold you, if for no other reason than to truly know you’re also there.

Below the cut is part of the thing I wrote today that made me think of all this. I read it back and I worry that Wagner is thinking too sensually about Peleon, even though all she wants for him is to know love one day, and to know someone who wants to touch him. Because, you know, that’s all I want for myself and I am nothing if not entirely transparent. No one will be allowed to read this book when I’m done, they’ll know all my secrets and become too powerful.

-----------***----------- Peleon sat up straight and pulled his shirt off. He folded it carefully, placed it on the desk next to his tea, and then brushed the mess of his hair out of his eyes, untangling some of the curls in the process. “I’ve been having this twinge here where the new connector for the display meets my body. I wondered if it might be something to do with the increased power flow.”

Wagner stood and walked over to him. His pale skin glowed in the blueish light from her desk lamp and his own upper arm display. Wagner had never tattooed Peleon, though he had tattoos. Her favorite was the bloom of rust orange across his chest that framed a series of shell looking flowers. It was delicate and private and perfect for him. He had told her she was the only one who’d ever seen it, since he’d gotten it after his exit from the spotlight as a way to mark himself for his new life. This made her feel both proud of him and melancholy for him.

She had offered to tattoo him many times, wanting to add something to him that could be imbued with love, not fear, but he always declined. He would say that he wanted the time and the design to be right, that if she was going to be a part of him forever that it needed to be something that meant the world to him, like she did. So in the meantime she put the love into what she could, including his arm.

He’d had a prosthetic arm when they met. He’d been in an accident that had caused permanent nerve damage to his right arm, which made playing the cello difficult to impossible, and since playing the cello was his livelihood, he’d opted to have it replaced. The one he’d had when they met was adequate, of course, but the minute Wagner was allowed to, she began planning a new project, something that would give him even more sensitivity than he’d had with his flesh and blood arm, something with more strength and more beauty.

Where the original had been a pretty bare platinum coated affair that mimicked the shape of a human arm, the one she built was gunmetal colored and made of geometric pieces that fit together like a puzzle, some of them with large cutouts, some of them stamped with designs of the same shell-like flowers as he had on his chest. The fingers were more or less human shaped, which Wagner had done for practical reasons. Peleon still moved through the world as a human, even if he was a reticent one. He did not like to shake hands, but he was sometimes forced to, and while she knew he didn’t mind that people knew he was a cyborg, she was thinking about his future in a way she knew he wasn’t. Some day, she hoped, he would want to touch someone else with his hands, and she wanted that person to also feel this love.

#no one cares kl #that big bdd mood #you know i think this is also what draws me to body horror #that is nothing but sensuality in its barest form #the acknowledgment that there is a body #and that sometimes bodies change for better or worse

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hopelessromanticspoonie · 4 years

Text

Trust

Masterlist here

Characters: Tom Hiddleston and Female Novelist Reader

Summary: Finding just the right actor to star in the movie based on your book wasn't an easy process. And then Tom Hiddleston walked into the room, and he may solve more than just your casting concerns.

Warnings: Alcohol consumption

Word Count: 4.2k (whoops)

A/N: This is based off a request given to me by @yespolkadotkitty! I apologize that I haven’t posted in a long while and that this took a minute to get out, but I hope you enjoy it! ALSO. I know nothing about the film industry. Please ignore what I’m sure are several errors concerning that topic.

“Next!”

“He was really good. You sure you didn’t like him?”

You closed your eyes and dropped your forehead onto your hand supported by your elbow on the folding table in front of you. When you had been contacted by your agent that a studio wanted to turn your best-selling novel into a movie, it felt like a dream come true. A whirlwind of paid flights, lunch meetings, negotiations, and signed contracts led you to your spot next to the casting director, several producers, and director for the movie. You were lucky that they were taking your opinion into consideration at all, and you didn’t want to create waves, but there hadn’t been a man reading for the main role yet that felt right.

From several one-note actors to a few who were way off the mark to those who showed up completely unprepared, nobody had made you feel the gripping tension of the troubled but earnest character of Joshua Collins, the struggling artist and male half of your romantic tale.

“Hello, my name is Tom Hiddleston, and I’d like to audition for the role of Joshua Collins.”

That voice. Sophistication roughened with the barest hint of anxiety and smoothed out by a full baritone that dripped honey. Your head popped up from your hand to take in the sheepishly grinning man in front of you. He was tall, so tall that it took an eternity for your eyes to drag from the worn boots on his feet, up the slim legs expertly encased in blue slacks, over the broad chest that strained at the thin fabric of his light blue button-up shirt, to a face that had to have been sculpted by the finest craftsmen with planes and shadows to highlight his arresting stare.

The lines that he read through with a producer’s assistant sounded as if they came straight from your creative imaginings. He was Joshua. The ability he had to convey such emotion with the tilt of his head, the press of his lips, or even the very act of taking a breath to sustain his speech was enough to render you utterly transfixed. Even the silence that fell over the room as he gathered his thoughts for a response had you tense and gripping your pen until your knuckles lightened as you waited with bated breath for a reply you had memorized before he’d strolled in. But with him it was new, organic, somehow spontaneous and heartfelt and so true it resonated deep in your bones.

And then he stood from the chair he had fallen into with an easy, relieved smile on his face as he smoothed his hand down the front of his shirt. “Thank you all for sharing your time with me today. And, if I may,” he shifted his attention from the studio bigwigs to you, “I absolutely adored the raw humanity in your novel. I hope that I can bring it to life for you.”

The sound of the door closing seemed to break the spell that had fallen over the room. You shared a knowing look first with the casting director and then the director herself.

“Joe, please tell those remaining that auditions have been canceled,” Sam smiled, scribbling something in her portfolio in front of her. “We have our man.”

Had you picked up all of the loose bits of trash scattered around your room? Sure, the staff had cleaned that morning, but that didn’t mean that you hadn’t found some way to dirty it since then. Would bottled water be okay? Maybe he preferred coffee. Hotel coffee wasn’t ever the greatest, but it would do in a pinch. Right? And should you have put on nicer clothes? Maybe-

A light, rhythmic knock sounded on your door, stopping your anxious thoughts and making you freeze from where you were bent over making sure the hem of your jeans wasn’t rolled over.

Another knock, and you quickly righted yourself, running your hand over your hair to tame any flyaways as you scurried to the door. Tom stood on the other side, holding two beers in one hand and a thick leather folio in the other.

“Thank you for agreeing to meet with me before rehearsals begin. May I come in?”

As if anyone would turn down Tom Hiddleston, especially when he came bearing beer. You stepped to the side, allowing him to pass by, leaving behind the very masculine scent of bergamot and citrus in the air that stirred between you. “Of course. You look like you’re ready to attend a class or something.”

He placed everything down on the tiny table meant to be a desk before turning to you with a small smile. His large hands rubbed against his jeans on the outside of his thighs. “Admittedly, I am a bit of a fan of your writing. An avid fan, actually. I was hoping that you wouldn’t mind too terribly if we discussed the book? I want to ensure I fully bring this character to life as you so masterfully wrote it.”

Color you shocked. Sure, you had received plenty of praise for your book throughout this process, the paycheck was evidence enough that it was liked, but to have someone that you personally admired for their own set of talents compliment it was another thing entirely. Working to school your face so that your excitement didn’t show, you grabbed the beer he opened and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Ask away, Mr. Hiddleston.”

Draping his long and lithe form into the faded desk chair, he opened his folio and uncapped a pen that looked more expensive than the entirety of your outfit. “Tom, please. We will be working closely together, and we are neighbors in this hotel as well. Formalities are not necessary.”

“Okay,” you nodded and took a swig of liquid courage. “Tom, what would you like to know?”

Questions and answered flowed easily after a few stuttering moments on both sides of the conversation. You were only struck dumb once or twice from the intensity of his thoughtful stare, and you found yourself both grateful and saddened when it would leave you to focus on the copious notes he scribbled down in the folio on his thigh. You’d never felt so heard as to when he watched you ramble on about plot points and motivation and character development, with his hand rasping against the five o’clock shadow that darkened his razor-sharp jawline and his brows furrowed.

Only when you stifled a yawn behind your hand did he seem to pull himself from the focused notes he had been taking after you explained a more difficult aspect of Joshua’s past. He glanced at the leather-strapped watch on his arm, frowning. “I do believe that I have kept you up far too late. I apologize. I should be going so that you may rest for overseeing rehearsals tomorrow. You will be there, correct?”

“I think so, yeah. Unless I’m needed for consultation on a last-minute script change, I think that’s where I’m supposed to be. I’m not really sure how all of this works,” you admitted with a light laugh.

He walked with you to the door after tossing both his and your bottles in the trash and gathering his things that had spread out over the desk. “If you have any questions, do not hesitate to ask. I know how overwhelming all of this can be. Until then, I very much look forward to seeing you. Goodnight.”

The clasp of his hand on your shoulder was heavy, stretching across your skin with a pleasant warmth that you wanted to curl into and bask in forever. You reached up and patted his hand gently before opening the door. “Goodnight.”

Sure enough, when you watched him head back to his room in the hotel meant to house you for the entirety of the filming project, he disappeared into the room directly next to yours.

The faint scent of his cologne lingered on your clothing as you ducked back into your room to prepare yourself as best as you could for the unknown journey ahead.

In all your days, you’d never met someone as motivated and driven as Tom. When he wasn’t rehearsing, he was exercising, or building comradery between the cast and crew that he would be spending the next year with, or even, to your astonishment, spending time with you.

It had begun under the guise of him delving deep into his character with you over beers and room service. Then it had switched to other books in your catalog, and then, when you had begged off any serious thinking because you’d spent all day arguing with the writers, it changed into something more personal.

You walked onto set holding two travel tumblers precariously with one arm and your overstuffed binder in the other. A meeting with your agent that morning discussing the press tour preceding the premiere of the movie had gone on longer than expected, and you couldn’t wait to sit down and just watch Tom and the cast act out the inner workings of your imagination over the coffee you clutched. The idea of going for so many interviews and appearances weighed heavily on you. To be the object of so much attention wasn’t why you had gone into writing.

But, perhaps this was.

Tom looked quite frustrated as he talked to Sam, the director, in the middle of the set, about a pivotal point in the film where he admits his love to the female lead (who does not feel the same), and he barely glanced your way as you settled in. His hands flew in front of him with every gesture, fingers spread wide and then clenched tightly into fists at his side. Some conclusion must have been reached because Sam came back to her spot behind the monitors and Tom got into place.

It was obvious to everyone that something was off. You especially, as the dialogue didn’t fit what you had written with the screenwriters for the scene. After the cameras stopped rolling so Sam could talk to Tom once again, whose performance had been stilted and unnatural, you turned to your assistant with a frown heavily etched into your skin. “Was there a rewrite?”

She didn’t even look up from the email she was typing away on her phone. “Yes, ma’am. Just given to everyone this morning. I sent it to your email.”

Groaning quietly, you slipped your coffee and belongings into pockets on the sides of your chair and stood up, holding Tom’s tea in your hand. When you caught his eye you raised it in the air and he nodded. He could come get a drink from it when he had a moment.

That moment came much faster than you expected. He held up one finger to Sam, and you barely caught him plead, “Let me take a drink before we run it again,” before he jogged over to you.

“What’s going on?” you asked, offering him the steaming tea and crossing your arms over your stomach.

He took a deep drink and sighed, closing his eyes to savor the flavor and moment of peace before opening them to look wearily down at you. Irritation lived in the lines between his brows and in the press of his lips together. “The rewrites simply don’t feel like Joshua. I don’t feel as if they line up with his motivations. I-” he sighed heavily, dropping his chin to his chest and putting his free hand on his hip.

You stepped closer to him so that he was forced to meet the determined set of your eyes. Of its own accord, your hand reached out and grasped his. He returned the tight grip and your heart squeezed right along with it. Not the time.

“You know him. You’ve brought him to life and fleshed him out into a fuller being than my words ever did. I-”

“Don’t sell yourself short. You’re immensely talented,” he interjected.

“I’m not. I’m praising your talent. I’ll go fight Sam if I have to, to just get one take like it was written before they changed it. That’s all I can probably get you. Can you do it?”

He took a bracing sip of his tea before handing the travel mug back to you. Gratitude reflected in the stormy blue of his eyes. “I can. Thank you.”

And then he jogged off back to the set, speaking quietly with the female lead, Mary, about the plan. Which left you to face Sam, hopefully, to throw around what little bit of weight you had. In all honesty, she could put a stopper on the whole situation and force Tom to follow the rewrites. But he was watching you with such hope and support that it bolstered your confidence enough to set down his drink and go over to her.

“What’s going on?”

Sam was a fierce woman, having clawed her way up through the ranks to get her position, and it was easy to want to cower under the steel of her stare. Taking a deep breath, you held out your hands at your sides. “The rewrites aren’t working, Sam. He knows it, Mary knows it, and I know it. Can we just try it the way it was written before? Even if it doesn’t work like we hope, then he’ll have gotten it out of his system and we can move on with shooting.”

She studied you, pinning you to the spot as you tried desperately not to fidget while waiting for her verdict. She maintained eye contact when she shouted to the remarkably silent cast and crew, “One take with the old lines and blocking.”

The knowledge that your reputation was very much on this decision weighed heavily on your shoulders as you nodded your thanks before heading back to your chair. Getting situated, you cradled your coffee in your hands and inhaled the calming aroma as you watched everyone scurry around to get ready for the slight change in blocking and places.

And then action was called, and tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as Tom’s heart was broken and shattered into a million pieces at Mary’s rejection. The anguish he expressed through ragged breaths and glistening eyes was enough to make you want to run from your place and gather him into the safety of your arms in a futile attempt to put him back together. The scene went on naturally after it was meant to finish, Sam not calling cut, and he collapsed into a heap on his knees and ripped the sketchbook before him to shreds before letting out a scream of pain that would haunt you for the rest of your days.

“Cut.”

An intern ran onto the set and handed Tom several tissues, which he took with a watery smile. Every muscle in your body tensed as you waited for Sam’s reaction.

“Reset. Tom, take a moment and collect yourself. Frank, make sure that you’re tighter on his face right after she turns him down. Lisa, good idea on the sketchbook. Get the rest that you have. Good work, people.”

Tom stood up and was instantly surrounded by hair and makeup to fix the mess that he’d made of himself with his heartfelt performance. But, over their bobbing heads, he managed to look at you and mouth, “Thank you.”

The happiness and relief that soared through your veins were more exhilarating than coffee would ever be.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Your fingers stilled over your laptop, the words of your latest piece of fiction ceasing in your head at the peculiar sound. Did someone just knock on your wall? Surely the sounds of your quiet music weren’t too loud.

Knock. Knock.

Hesitantly, you twisted in your bed, pressing your ear to the thin beige wall, and rapped against it three times. When there wasn’t an answering knock, you turned around and pressed your back against your pile of pillows to continue tapping away at what you hoped could possibly be another movie brought to life.

And then the same steady knocks sounded on the door to your hotel room. Confused, you closed your laptop and set it to the side, padding to the door in your pajamas. You opened the door with a confused frown to see Tom standing on the other side, holding a covered tray from room service, exhaustion living in the slump of his shoulders and pull on the corners of his mouth.

“On occasion, I find it hard to wind down after filming. Since you’re awake, I was hoping we could share this piece of chocolate cake and chat a bit?”

Suddenly very shy at your mismatched pajamas and air-dried hair from your shower, you blushed, waving him inside. “How can I turn down cake?”

You closed the door behind him and sent a silent prayer to whoever was listening that you had remembered to pick up your dirty clothes from earlier in the day. Turning around, you found Tom sitting cross-legged on the bed, chocolate crumbs on his lips that you longed to clean with your own. “Were you writing? I can leave. I don’t want to disturb you?”

“Nonsense. The ideas are in my notes. I can always make time for you, especially if you ply me with sweets.” You crawled onto the bed next to him and snagged the fork from his hand, taking a bite. “You sure know a way to a girl’s heart.”

His face softened as he nudged your knee with his. “You think very highly of me. On that note, thank you, today, for believing in me.”

“Of course. You are the most talented man I’ve ever met. I trust your gut.”

The rest of the cake was eaten in relative silence, your eyes chasing each other in fleeting glances that had your heart racing in your chest. There was something much more intimate about sharing a dessert in your pajamas, on your bed, than your other late-night meetings in your room. Was it the electric brush of his fingers over yours when you passed the fork to him, or the knowledge that your lips were touching where his had only moments ago? Would he taste like the rich dessert you shared?

Yearning for the charismatic man had grown in you since that first meeting at his audition. How could it not? He was kind, seeking to meet and know every person he interacted with on set. You were not the exception, as your late-night meetings had proved. His intelligence knew no bounds, and you had put it to the test with rousing discussions from everything to literature to current events to Shakespeare to politics. And the fondness that you caught in his gaze from time to time set a warmth alight in your bones that you wanted to live in for the rest of your days. Every brush of his body against yours had you aware of the heat he left behind for hours, and you had long ago imprinted the feeling of his lips upon your cheek in a quick greeting kiss into your memory.

You must have been staring during your descent into your hopelessly pining thoughts, as he was watching you closely with an eyebrow quirked in silent question, when you pulled yourself from your reverie.

“Sorry,” you shook your head, blinking the madness of your wishes away. “Long day. What’d you say?”

“I said that you have a bit of chocolate on your face. Would you like me to get it for you?” he asked quietly.

He didn’t wait for an answer. His thumb brushed against your cheek, sending the smallest shiver down your spine, before he pulled the digit into his mouth. The silence that stretched beneath his darkened gaze held you frozen to the spot. Your face burned where he had fleetingly touched you.

“Were it not for professionalism…” he murmured, a hint of anguish in his voice as his eyes traveled down your face to settle on your parted lips.

How was it possible that you felt like a schoolgirl again? Your heart hammered in your chest so loudly that it seemed impossible to take a deep enough breath to stop your head from spinning. You shifted on the bed, closer to him, peering up at him through your lashes. “You’d?”

He sighed and scrubbed his hand over the back of his neck before lighting it on your face. Holding you still, he leaned forward, pressing his lips against your cheek in a lingering kiss that had your stomach clench in anticipation. Your hands dug into the scratchy duvet beneath you to keep from resting on his abdomen to see if he had the same reaction to the tension that stretched between you like a livewire.

He left one more kiss on your temple, breathing you in and stroking your jawline with his thumb, before pulling away and standing up from the bed with a groan. “You are temptation personified. It would be an injustice to us both if any romantic notions got in the way of your brilliant storytelling. After, though…”

The promise in his lowered voice and the inferno of his eyes was enough to temporarily sate you as you watched him walk out of the door with a shake of his head. Writing for that evening was out of the question as you fell asleep with the remnants of his touch warm on your skin and his cologne perfuming your sheets.

“Did you hear the news?”

You turned from where you were scrolling through your phone at the filming wrap party, perking up at the liquid velvet voice that broke through the terrible house music Sam had requested from the DJ. Tom leaned his shoulder against the very wall that currently propped you up, his head tilted to the side in a way that had your belly fluttering like mad.

“News?”

His hands shoved into the pockets of his navy blazer. “We’ll be on the press tour together, for the movie. The studio wanted someone paired up with you that had a bit more experience with such matters, and I volunteered. I guess you aren’t rid of me yet.”

“As if I’d want such a thing,” you admitted with a quiet laugh. Any anxieties that you'd had about making an idiot of yourself for the worldwide press tour were now replaced with doing the very same, but perhaps now you'd be caught ogling Tom while he waxed on about the movie. Or perhaps you'd simply go mad spending so much time with him in close quarters while jet setting across the globe. Was there time for romantic interludes when you were answering the same twenty questions in twenty different countries?

He stood up straight and offered his arm with a cheeky grin, “At the risk of removing the woman of the hour from the party, would you accompany me outside for a bit of fresh air?”

The mischief that twinkled in his eyes was impossible to ignore. You slipped your hand into the crook of his elbow. “Says the leading man of the movie and an actual ray of sunshine. Lead on.”

The bar that they’d rented for the evening opened out onto a busy street that replaced the booming music with honking horns and bustling crowds hurrying home. His arm fell to hang at his side, and he caught your hand with his and laced your fingers together before pulling you behind a bit of greenery out front that hid you from prying eyes both inside and outside.

“Along with attending the press tour with you, I was hoping I could accompany you to the premiere?” he asked, leaned against the roughened brick wall behind him, tugging you closer until you stood in between his spread legs. The chilled wind was most unwelcome at your back, but the warmth of the man in front of you was more than enough to make the stolen privacy comfortable.

Your free hand picked a bit of lint from his crimson sweater before stilling, connected to his ribs by just your pointer finger and thumb, drawn into his heat with the bite of the winter air through your thin party dress. “You know what they’ll say.”

Tom was an incredibly private man, and it might create more talk than he’d want to deal with to show up with a date. You’d love more than anything to spend the evening on his arm, basking in his charismatic glow, but not if it caused him any headache or heartache.

His breath, scented with bittersweet alcohol, fanned across your face as his hand settled onto your hip. That simple touch branded your goose-bump covered skin and had you leaned into him until you had to crane your head backward to meet his tender stare. “That I was chivalrous in escorting the novelist who allowed me the opportunity to embody her treasured characters? That it was very thoughtful of me to ensure that you didn’t feel tossed to the sharks for your first red carpet event?”

With just the drop of his chin, his forehead leaned against yours. “Say yes?”

The nudge of his nose along yours, the rub of his thumb over the thin skin on the back of your hand, the push of his leanly muscled chest against yours with every breath, gave you enough courage to close your eyes and touch your lips to his in the kiss that had been denied you months ago. He groaned softly into your parted lips, releasing his hold on you to press his hands over the curve of your backside so you were flush against him. Fire scorched at your insides from the tease of his tongue and you tumbled headfirst into the passion that he finally stoked to life after it had been smoldering between you for so very long.

“Yes,” you replied breathlessly against his jaw, pulling away to draw air into your tortured lungs, kneading your fingers gently over his rapidly beating heart.

Leaning against him, with his arms wrapped around you so that your face found a comfortable home in the smooth column of his throat, you closed your eyes and gave in to the enticing man that had caught your attention so very long ago. With Tom by your side, and perhaps even in your bed, you were safe in the knowledge that you wouldn’t have to navigate this new world alone.

Tidbit of Tom taglist: @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore @ladyblablabla

Whole Shebang taglist: @just-the-hiddles @yespolkadotkitty @nonsensicalobsessions @vodka-and-some-sass @he-is-chaotic-she-is-psychotic @myoxisbroken @brokenthelovely @myworddump @polireader @wiczer @littleredstarfish @the-broken-angel-13 @arch-venus25 @xxloki81xx @jessiejunebug @tinchentitri @sllooney @devilbat @vikkleinpaul @bouquet-o-undercaffeinated-roses @angelus80 @wolfsmom1 @kthemarsian @toozmanykids @claritastantrum @princerowanwhitethorngalathynius @sabine-leo @lovesmesomehiddles @peterman-spideyparker @wegingerangelica @bluefrenchfries604 @catsladen @snoopy3000 @silverswordthekilljoy @villainousshakespeare @kitkatd7

#imagine tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fluff #tom hiddleston/reader #tom hiddleston oneshot #tom hiddleston rpf #fluff #yespolkadotkitty #trust #hopelesswrites

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lesbiheon · 3 years

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@minhyukie, @nervousnotion @memehyungwon and @coups mentioned me in their “content creator year in review” and I figured why not go through w it! c:

first creation and most recent creation in 2020: hyungwon on/off camera and misfortunes in the kitchen with changkyun... wow... gif making process really changed drastically for me this year...

one of your favorite creations from 2020: jooheon on body positivity/positivity in general hands down... I think about his message so often

a creation you’re really proud of: just some cute hyungwon faces bc this coloring? god I really am so proud of myself for this I did that... took me SO LONG to match the gifs but I love love love how it turned out :_____( !!!!!

a new style you tried this year and a gifset that uses it: I used the jiminfilter for the 1st time w a wonho open mind performance and I haven’t used it since... it was just a fun one! last year I was terrified of compilation sets and performance sets bc they’re so hard to color imo but this year I decided to challenge myself and ended up discovering that I genuinely LOVE compilation sets they take a while and coloring is something I always take forever on but when it all comes together it’s just... so nice :’( my fav was just some cute hyunghyuk moments and as for performances... I’m okay w them now... not my fav to gif but not as reluctant w them lol... fav was wonho open mind @ m!countdown

a creation that took you forever: shownu running to relieve his hangover and all the commotion it caused took me like 6 or 7 hours? w no breaks bc I got OBSESSED w working on it... it took me so long bc I had to screen record and encoding those frames took FOREVER plus having to tell everything that went down in 10 gifs was so difficult bc I had to compile multiple scenes in a single gif... and then I had to blur ALL! OF!! THAT!!! plus including text and then I got even more obsessed w making the set match and also the gif limit wasn’t as big as it is now and— suffice to say it would have taken more time but I realized how long I’d been working on it and had to let it go omg... it was stressful(ish) but overall I really liked how it turned out!!!!!

your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: wonho’s 2020 bday which is one of my all time favs from this year a lot of the tags mentioned the last 2 gifs and... yeah... it was easy to make but also incredibly emotional... but overall I’m so happy w the coloring and the scenes I ended up choosing!

a creation you think deserved more notes: I don’t really focus on notes tbh? I just srb queue sets and call it a day I’m just happy making gifs! plus I post too many sets anyways 😅

a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: wenee!!!!! I honestly really like the name wonho chose and I’ve made a couple of gifs of his time as a soloist and this set was of when he announced the fandom name! :’) and also I’ve liked nct for a few years now but this year I decided why not make a gif blog for them but I straight up forgot about it until a couple of days ago when I was cleaning my folders I saw an nct folder and was like OH... maybe I’ll start it up again lol

a creation that breaks your heart: 5 years with monsta x for sure... pain.

a simple creation that you really love: shownu w minggom... I think about this at least once a week... also smiley wonho during his 1st look interview brings me literal joy

a creation that was inspired by another one (add both your creation and the one that inspired it!): minhyuk’s 2020 bday was inspired by janice’s (@kihoseok) what happened in 1993? set which I love sm!!! 💓

a favorite creation created by someone else: @memehyungwon kihyun 2020 bday edit is SO PRETTY! I remember looking at it and my jaw literally dropped to the ground! :0 @minhyukie minhyuk’s firsts from 2020 blew me away as well! it’s just so beautiful and really nice to look at *-* @hyungkyun mx astrology changkyun aquarius set I looked at it and remember thinking “this is so wild” bc I really really was blown away by it! research queen!!!

some of your favorite creators from the year: in no particular order and ofc no need to do this if you don’t want to! I just love their gifs!!! @joohuns, @monxgifs, @minhyukie, @kihoseok, @coups, @hyungkyun

and for good measure, a couple creations of yours that you love: I’m shameless... these are my top 10... ck’s 2020 bday, jooheon and his love for beanies, jooheon as emoji’s, just some cute wonhyuk moments, favourite mxray s3 episodes/moments, black hair shownu (another fav coloring), jooheon and the Egg treasure hunt on mx is on holiday right now, kihyun + his love for dogs, mx love killa @ inkigayo and hyungwon on minhyuk’s 보그싶쇼 (ep. 17)

#WHEW WHAT A YEAR #tag game

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tardytothepardy · 3 years

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Fruits Basket - Vol.13

So this one started off pretty emotionally turbulent. I did not like the energies created in this studio today whatsoever. Yuki's mom is not that great.

Right off the bat, this book continues with the parent-teacher conferences, specifically with Yuki. He's been anxious about his for a while, because of the way his mom behaves. Up until this book, I don't remember there being much depth into why he has a bad relationship with his mom, but now it's very clear: she decides things for him, and willfully ignores him. When he fights back, she takes it as a personal insult, "how dare you do/say such a thing, I'm your mother! I've done so much for you!", but you've never once listened to what I wanted. That's the sort of dynamic that Yuki and his mother have. Personally, I don't blame him in the slightest for not wanting to be around her. And I also don't blame him for struggling to say anything against her, even as she's blatantly insulting and degrading him in front of the teacher. That shit's really hard, and you get pretty used to keeping all those thoughts in your head, because only trouble comes if you respond. Because, of course, it's not a response, it's "talking back", which will end up with you being in even bigger trouble, and something tells me that happened a lot to Yuki when he was younger.

There were a few glimpses into a few of their interactions, and it was made obvious that she really doesn't care about his well-being, she cares about hers. She forced him to be around Akito, despite him repeatedly saying that he doesn't like Akito. Her logic seemed to be that Akito is the most powerful person here, if you're in his good graces, how could you possibly be unhappy?

She also doesn't seem to have the best relationship with Ayame, who burst into the meeting fashionably late. He managed to steal the attention away from Yuki long enough for Yuki to collect his thoughts better, but his mother was so riled up by the both of them that she stormed out of the room. Yuki was able to tell his mother that he doesn't want her deciding what he should do with his life, that those are important that he will make on his own, which honestly, good for him, man. I doubt I could have that kind of strength.

After the meeting, Yuki is whisked away into the crazed shenanigans of the student council, where many conflicting personalities seem to explode against each other constantly. The guy who chose all these people clearly did not choose well, as far as how they would all work together. The white board that Kimi managed to snag from one of the teachers quickly got covered in meaningless color-coordinated titles that Kakeru came up with, as if they're all a part of the Power Rangers or something. Yuki says that, as members of the student council, it is their job to meet with the other clubs and access thingies with them, but Kakeru doesn't really see the point. They're all the head honchos, or something, so shouldn't people come to them? Ooh, disagreements. Surely this, with the additional stress and strain of the conference, won't lead to an outburst??

An outburst totally happens. Despite being the class president or whatever, Yuki feels he remains in the shadows, especially with a person as bubbly and energetic like Kakeru running the show. And given Kakeru's tendency to sort of pop labels on things, he says that Yuki seems "kinda unhappy". This falls ever so neatly into Yuki's problem with people talking over him or deciding for themselves how he is, and so he gets properly riled up. It calms down quickly, but he's still caught up in his own thoughts, which make it very easy to lead him to thinking that he should give up, and go back to the way he was before, reclusive and quiet.

In the end, it seems that Yuki might be able to have a friend in Kakeru, which is great. We all know how much the world loves the dynamic of "loud eccentric extroverted person" being friends with "quiet soft spoken(or softer spoken, at least) introverted person". That dynamic is the shit, and we live for it. I live on it, anyway. It's a classic.

After that, we see Tohru standing at the gates of the Sohma estate, and hooo boy is she noirvous. She's there to confirm that the Kureno that Uotani liked is the same Kureno that she met while at the summer house. It's difficult though, because Akito really didn't make it seem that Tohru would be welcome, given what he said to her last they talked. So while Tohru paced and fretted, she ran into a little girl who turned out to be Momiji's younger sister. She was standing outside the gate, listening to the violin music that Momiji was making. She tells Tohru that she knows that Momiji is her older brother (both Momiji and Tohru thought that since their mom doesn't remember Momiji as her son, Momo wouldn't remember Momiji as being her older brother), and that she even took up violin in hopes that she could play with Momiji. She helped Tohru sneak into the estate to visit Momiji, where Tohru told Momiji all that had happened. This made Momiji very excited, because he really wanted to be close with Momo, but never has been able because their father distances them. He also says that he would like to get better at playing the violin, so that one day he can hold a small concert for his family. It's overall a very touching scene, and I liked it a lot.

Tohru then tells Momiji that she was looking for Kureno, and, after following a map Momiji made, kinda found him. She asked him about Uotani, and whether he had any intention of seeking her out again (personally, I'm against it, given the fact that she's a high school student, and he's like,, at least 23 years old. It feels icky to me, idk), but he said that he wouldn't. He didn't really explain, and honestly I don't really feel like he had to. It's his own business, never mind the fact that he's usually pretty close to Akito, and since he's Juunishi, Akito has that extra hold over him. I wouldn't want something bad to happen to Uotani just because Akito's being a whiny baby.

A little while after that, there's a school field trip that Tohru, Hanajima, Uotani, Kyo, Yuki, and others go on, and there seems to be a weird expectation for love confessions to pop up? Shigure mentioned it before they left, but you'd kinda figure that's just Shigure being Shigure, right? Apparently not. Tohru feels bad for Uotani, to be seeing all these people grouping up, but Uotani says for her to not worry about it. She's decided to not tell Uotani that she found Kureno and talked to him, because she figured that could do more harm than good.

In the meantime though, it seems that Kyo was pulled aside, and a girl basically asked him to be her boyfriend, despite him not knowing who she is at all. She says that they can get to know each other during the relationship, but in general, that seems like a bad idea. If it were me, I'd like to get to know the person before then, but I suppose there's a chance I'd be locked away forever in the friendzone (which honestly I'd be fine with, because at least I'd have a friend lmao ;-;), but maybe that's just me.

Kyo rejects her pretty roughly, which makes sense for two reasons: we already know that he loves Tohru, and so in that respect, it's a done deal, but there's also that whole "he'd change into a cat if they hugged" thing, which would be,,, awkward, to say the least.

(It still doesn't fail to crack me up that the girl was like "I like you a lot, and think we should be together 🥺🥰" and he's literally like that one vine, "Wait a minute, who are you??")

Tohru doesn't really catch wind of the whole thing, but I think she pieced something together? Idk. She was preoccupied by thinking of souvenirs (just say gift shop shit that's all it is ahhh), and she didn't seem to be there in the first place.

When they all come home, we find out that Yuki got a leaf for the one chick in the student council who seems really quiet and is talked over constantly, and that Tohru is making her own little set of the zodiac animals, not unlike the set that she first saw alllllll the way back in the first book, except this time, it looks as if she's making a cat. Now, idk about you, but that's some cute shit. A tiny cat statue. I love it. I love tiny cat statues, but mostly all they make me want to do is pet one of my cats. Cats are great. Absolutely the best. You could fight me on it, I might cry, but I'll still think cats are great. This has nothing to do with Fruits Basket at all anymore lmao.

oh yeah I think Kyo saw the cat statue. And, if you'll remember back to that first book, where Tohru's mom was telling Tohru about the zodiac story, Tohru said that she wanted to be a cat, so, this isn't completely out of nowhere.

#Part of me wants to go headfirst into the SHHHIIIIIPPPPPPPing aspect of this but I'm holding off #Admittedly for a while I have been wondering how the whole 'romance' aspect of this story will go down #Especially now that we have a confirmation from both Yuki and Kyo that they like Tohru #Will there be a decision? Idk #I'll find out I guess #But for the most part I'm trying to keep that out of my head #I've stayed away from the fandom part of the series so far so I'm just consuming the books themselves #So that makes it easier to avoid shipping stuff #Not that it's bad but I get swayed really easily with fandoms and ships #And I really don't want to run into spoilers #Usually I don't mind them too much but I don't want to get any for this series #It's a 20 year old series and I haven't gotten spoilers for it yet. I'd like that to continue thanks #anyway #tohru honda #yuki sohma #kyo sohma #ayame sohma #shigure sohma #kureno sohma #momiji sohma #momo sohma #that is her name right?#uotani arisa #hanajima saki #akito sohma #fruits basket #furuba #fruits basket volume 13

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sibyl-of-space · 3 years

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Final Fantasy IX ~ Melodies and Memories

"Jesters of the Moon"

There are a lot of very good video games in the world, but it takes some luck and circumstance outside of a game's control for one to reach me at just the right time(s) and place(s) in my life that it has a tangible impact on who I am -- who I want to be. One that carves out a space for itself in my soul that will never be removed or replaced.

I've just finished playing Final Fantasy IX for the first time, and there's no doubt in my mind that such is the case here.

(Continued below readmore.)

I drew this art last year, when I was mourning my attachment to an old favorite game that I just don't feel the same way about anymore: Majora's Mask. I wanted to draw something that captured my feelings about it, because sometimes art is the best way to talk about something when the words don't want to come.

Why is "Jesters of the Moon," the name of a random song in the Final Fantasy IX soundtrack, plastered in the middle of this Majora's Mask fanart? Especially considering I hadn't even played Final Fantasy IX yet when I drew this?

The reason is exactly that "luck and circumstance" that allowed me to fall so uniquely in love with the game.

"Mt. Gulug"

In 2008, someone on YouTube uploaded a Majora's Mask parody-slash-let's-play series called "Majora's Mask: The Things Which Were Taken Out." The series has since become unlisted and won't be linked here out of respect for the creator who probably doesn't want things they said and made in 2008 being spread all over the internet, but because of Unregistered Hypercam 2 reasons, the series inserted other background music over the video and didn't record the actual game audio.

I didn't recognize any of the music, but I watched these parody videos on repeat because in addition to being funny (...at the time, in my mind, at least), I really really loved the music. It got to the point where I would sometimes be playing Majora's Mask and get disappointed when I approached Goht and the Mt. Gulug theme wasn't playing in the background.

I had forgotten about these videos for a really long time in the interim, but I remembered them at some point when I was thinking about Majora's Mask and I found them again. The creator had cited the Final Fantasy IX soundtrack for virtually all of the background music used in the videos, and I realized that despite knowing literally nothing about the game, I had become really fond of - and weirdly nostalgic for - the songs from it that I now recognized.

So I looked up "Jesters of the Moon" and played it on repeat while I drew out my feelings in colored marker. A few months later, I realized that my backwards compatible PS3 can also play PS1 games, and eBay had FFIX for PS1 at a good price. I had nothing to lose by ordering it and seeing what the source of all that fantastic music was like.

"Vamo Alla Flamenco"

I started my playthrough knowing nothing about what to expect from the game. I'd never played a Final Fantasy game before and my overall JRPG experience has been mostly limited to Tales of, Persona, and more recently, mainline Shin Megami Tensei. The only things I knew about Final Fantasy were a) the Tidus laughing scene, and b) Sephiroth. IX seemed like it had vibes I would enjoy, but beyond that I knew nothing about what the experience would be. So I approached it with a "let's have fun and see how it goes" attitude, naming my party members the first silly thing that came to mind, ending up with "Swaggy," "OwO," "Bitchin," "Gunz," and "SWOOORD" to start with.

(For the record I do not regret those names whatsoever.)

I was immediately struck by how differently the game uses music in comparison to all of my previous JRPG experiences. This was not a game where the composer was given a list of theme songs that were slapped on top of a mostly completed game-- this was a game constructed with the soundtrack in mind as a part of the writing process.

The opening act plays almost like an opera (side note, yes I know one of the other FF's has a literal opera, I haven't played that one): you traverse the same locations from different perspectives as different characters, introducing the cast with lighthearted humor and dramatic irony out the wazoo. While you traverse the city as OwO, OwO's theme is playing in the background, coloring your perspective of the city and the narrative. When you switch to Gunz patrolling around the castle, Gunz's theme accompanies your movement and informs his character and mission. I am so accustomed to "location themes" being the norm in virtually all video games that experiencing character and/or narrative themes as BGM instead while I bumble around town changed my entire perspective on what music in games can do and be.

The operatic feeling is definitely intentional, because the game uses a play-within-a-game narrative device to hit you over the head with its themes in a way that is somehow poignant and artful while also being extremely blatant. That is a hard balance to strike, but it manages. The whole game is like that: it is completely straightforward and tells you exactly what it's about at heart, but it does it beautifully.

At any rate, I was enamored with this intro and had a very fun time, but I wasn't obsessed or anything and ended up putting it down. I spent several months on the first half of disk 1 with weeks passing between play sessions. I liked the game plenty, but life stuff happened and I decided to get obsessed with Dai Gyakuten Saiban and Ghost Trick for a while. No regrettis.

It was already clear, though, that FFIX was going to be special to me. My compositions for my team's game in the Global Game Jam in 2021 were directly inspired by FFIX's opera-like intro. I wrote two character themes for our game that would serve as background music when you play as the two protagonists, coloring your journey differently even when moving in the same spaces. I was intentionally trying to mimic the way music is used in FFIX as an exercise. The themes I wrote are definitely some of my strongest work so far.

(You can check out the game here if you want, I promise it is significantly shorter than Final Fantasy IX.)

"Melodies of Life"

Music caused me to pick up FFIX the first time, and music caused me to return to it. After months of not touching or really thinking about it, just earlier this week I was inspired to play it again, because - again - I listened to the right song at the right time.

I was again mourning the loss of something, in this case a friendship, for reasons I'm not going to share here. I had already heard the song "Melodies of Life" because it came up when I was looking up FFIX songs to reblog on Tumblr a few months ago, and I decided to listen to it again. Even without knowing the game context, the song itself really spoke to me in that moment: "a voice from the past, joining yours and mine, adding up the layers of harmony" - it kind of made me feel at peace with the fact that I had a lot of positive memories of that friendship and I could keep those at heart while also moving on in the present. ...I'm also a sucker for music metaphors, so there is that.

I was really moved by this song, cheesy as it is, and I was also definitely in the mood for a distraction. Picking up FFIX again felt like the best move.

It was, and my life is forever changed.

The game never stopped being beautiful and funny and touching, and the soundtrack never ceased to amaze. I recognized concepts I've seen in other games but never had I seen them used so artfully. I adored the fantasy world and non-human cast, I found myself enticed by random encounter for the first time because it made me feel like I had to struggle to survive a difficult journey. Music, gameplay, visuals, and story felt like one cohesive work of art for the entire duration.

Life circumstances got me to play the game again, but the game itself was so captivating and wonderful that I binged the entire rest of it - disks 2-4 - in less than a week. Everything else that the game had to say, it told me itself, in its own context, and I was ready to listen.

"You're Not Alone!"

This is going to make me sound like an emotionally-stunted twenty-something, but it has been years since a work of media has got me to have a really good cry. I used to cry playing games all the time as a kid but recently I'll find myself getting emotional, sure, often tearing up, but getting completely red-faced and snot-nosed because I physically cannot contain the emotions being evoked by a work? Years. I can't honestly tell you the last time it happened with certainty.

I feel like an emotional band-aid has been ripped off. I was f*cking sobbing during the entire duration of the "You're Not Alone!" sequence. It didn't matter that what was happening was obviously coming from a mile away, because the delivery was so raw and emotional and human!!! A whole game's worth of Swaggy punching first and asking questions later to save his friends, being Protag McProtag endangering himself for others in any and all circumstances, for the payoff of all of his friends forcing him to stop being such a primadonna and let them help him for once. It's true, too! He relies on them just as much as they rely on him! And the game doesn't just tell you this, no, it lets you try to solo all these fights and waits until you realize how boned you are until they come bail you out.

When Bitchin showed up with her "looks like you need a hand" I wanted to straight up yell at my tv. YES I DO!!! YES I DO NEED YOU BITCHIN!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!! I half knew that SWOOORD was going to heal me before I got truly KO-ed but I had been unmercifully wiped in "unwinnable" battles before in this game, so I legit thought I might have to re-do that whole part of the game again, and I was so relieved and thankful when she showed up and healed me.

This moment exemplifies everything that I adore about this game. It doesn't just tell you its story. It shows it to you, it sings it to you, and it and lets you play it out and feel it for yourself.

"Game Over"

This song is all too familiar to me. Gizamaluke's Grotto was very unforgiving for a first-time Final Fantasy player, especially one who didn't happen to pick up Big on the way for a fourth party member early on.

I hadn't heard the piano part in a few months, though, because when I picked the game back up I started just mashing to reload before it got to that point any time we wiped. I didn't hear it again until the game was truly over, this time for good.

I let it play for a while. Not too long, because I have a CRT TV and didn't want "The End" to get burned in. But a while. Enough to meditate on what I'd just experienced, and how I was feeling about it.

There's so much more to say about the game, far more than I could put in a blog post. But I don't think I need to describe these thoughts in words. I can do what the game did, and use music, use art, use stories, use metaphors, and use symbols to communicate what I mean; and hope that someone else is able and willing to listen.

And although a written record of my thoughts likely won't be preserved for all that long, maybe the feelings and the memories will be, so long as they have been shared.

#personal #analyses #ffix

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