#also thank you alex for just helping me out my brain did not cooperate this week

[complexgods]

Hi! I saw you're reqs were open now, I was wondering if you could write a mattsun x m! reader x maki? Where the reader has a crush on both of them (they r already dating) where the reader confesses to them and they end up fucking or smth like that? with overstim and light dacryphillia? also can I be 🐝 anon?

Of course! Also, you’re my first emoji anon I’m chxjxkdk 🥰 of course you can! And whooo I’ve been meaning to write a Matsuhana x reader fic for a WHILE this is GOOD okay okay

18+, FEMALE IDENTIFYING READERS AND MINORS DNI

Warnings: Matsukawa x Hanamaki x M!reader, alcohol consumption, threesome, overstim, dacryphilia, praise, degradation, Mattsun has a monster cock

A/N: I'm really sorry this took so long! I just haven't been able to focus on a lot recently and I really went ham on the backstory but I hope you enjoy this! (not proofread because I am so tired)

"So glad you could make it!" Hanamaki greets you at the door with a hug.

"Yeah, sorry I haven't been able to hang out recently, I've just been super busy." You try to justify as you hand Matsukawa a bottle of wine.

It wasn't all true that you were too busy to hang out with your best friends recently, you just had… Issues to work through. Specifically the fact that you were in love with your best friends and they were a couple. It wasn't like you never wanted to hang out with them again, you just hoped that spending some time away from them, working through your feelings might solve the issue. But no, of course, the second Matsukawa flashes you that lazy smile or Hanamaki does just about anything, you're right back where you started. You sigh before joining the two in the kitchen, helping them get everything ready for the movie night you had been planning for weeks.

"So, tell us! What's new with you?" Matsukawa asks, opening the bottle of wine you had brought over.

"Oh not much, you know, work as usual. My boss has been on my ass lately and it's driving me up the wall but, you know." You smile, taking the glass that was handed to you.

"Oh, your boss drives you up the wall huh? Shame. I wanted to do that to you." Hanamaki says with a lopsided grin, and you can't help but blush slightly at the shameless flirting.

"Yeah, you wish." You try to retort, but it's too late. Mattsun and Makki were already exchanging glances.

"What's new with you? Find a job yet, Makki?" You divert the situation, and apparently, it worked.

"Nope. I'm happy to be a househusband as long as Mattsun here brings in the money."

The conversation goes on with no problem after that, and you all quickly fall back into your usual banter. You really did miss hanging out with them like this.

"So, what are we watching?" Mattsun asks, turning to you and Makki sitting on the couch.

"I was thinking Woman In Black," Makki says before downing the rest of his beer.

"Perfect." You and Mattsun say at the same time.

"After all, fear is an aphrodisiac," Makki says, giving you a grin. You turn away in embarrassment. Seriously, what has gotten into Makki tonight? Does he know? You clear your throat and try not to stammer.

"Uh- y-yeah I heard about that… as well…" You pour yourself more wine as you sit back. This was fine. It was fine. Makki just likes teasing, he doesn't actually mean it.

"So… You been seeing anyone lately?" You choke on your wine as Matsukawa just looks at you with a raised eyebrow.

"Um… Nope, I have not."

"Why? You're hot and charismatic. No guy pique your interest as of late?"

"N- no that's not it."

"Then what, you have a crush on someone?" Makki asks, his eyes shining with excitement.

Maybe it was the wine or just the fact that you couldn't hold your secret any longer, but you couldn't help yourself.

"Yeah, I do, actually."

"Ooooh who is it?" Both of them ask at the same time. You couldn't help but realise that they already know.

"You sure you want to know?" You turn your body to fully face the two, who are nodding with a smirk on their face.

"Fine. I have a crush on both of you. Satisfied?"

"Oh no, honey, we won't be satisfied until you are," Makki says, leaning closer to you.

"You see, we've been wanting to wreck you for a really long time," Mattsun says as Makki makes his way over to your lap, straddling you.

"Really?" You ask, looking up at Makki with big eyes.

"Mhm." He answers before leaning in to kiss you.

"God, you're so hot," Mattsun says from right next to you as Makki deepens the kiss, slowly starting to grind his hips into yours. When you let out a soft moan, Mattsun stops the two of you.

"Don't just hog him, Makki. I want some as well." Makki immediately gets up to let Mattsun take his place, pulling at your hair before kissing you deeply.

At some point, you must've walked over to the bedroom, because now you're lying naked on their bed with Makki on top of you, kissing and biting your neck and collarbone. You groan when Makki grinds down on your length, bucking your hips involuntarily, closing your eyes.

"Oh look at you, so needy for cock, aren't you? Prep him, won't you, Makki darling?" Matsukawa coos as you hear the clinking of a belt.

Seconds later, Mattsun taps the tip of his cock against your lips, and once you manage to focus your eyes on the absolute monstrosity before you, you can't help but choke out another moan.

"So big-" You say with wide eyes as you reach out to touch him.

"Hm. Wonder what it would look like stretching your throat open." Makki says from between your legs before adding a second finger to your hole, making you gasp. Mattsun takes this opportunity to slide inside your mouth, making you gag instantly.

"Come on now, take it, I know you can."

You obey, letting him thrust into you until tears were stinging your eyes.

"Oh, Makki, look at that. He's crying."

"Look at you! Cute boy." Makki praises as he swipes the pre that started to pool on your stomach, licking his fingers clean.

"You taste wonderful, baby. Gonna make you cum from my fingers alone." You want to respond, but Mattsun thrusts into your throat harshly, groaning as you take even more of him.

Once Makki finds your prostate, you are gone, rolling your eyes to the back of your head, cumming untouched.

"Wow, look at that. Such a slut just cumming untouched, aren't you?" You do your best to hum in agreement, which makes Mattsun's dick twitch in your mouth.

"God, your mouth feels so good. I wonder what your little hole would feel like, tightening around my cock."

As Mattsun says this, you feel lube coating your hole before Makki slides inside you, letting out a shaky breath. You whine, still feeling the high from your first orgasm.

"That's right, baby, doing so well for us." Makki coos, thrusting into you, filling you up to the brim.

One hand wraps around your dick and another starts teasing your nipples, and you are too far gone to notice anything else happening. All you know are Mattsun's dick in your mouth, and Makki's in your hole.

"Shit, I'm close," Mattsun moans as he pulls out, cumming all over your face. He kisses you deeply as Makki fucks into you relentlessly, pumping your cock in time with his thrusts.

"Are you gonna cum again? I can feel you twitching, you're close aren't you?" Makki says as he picks up the pace, slamming into you.

You both come at the same time, moaning loudly as you spill onto your stomach, your entire body twitching and feeling overly sensitive from the overstim.

Once you regain your breath, Makki slowly pulls out of you with a hiss, disposing of the condom before laying down next to you and Mattsun.

"Wanna watch Woman In Black now?"

#hanamaki smut #matsukawa smut #matsuhana x reader #matsuhana x reader smut #hanamaki x reader #matsukawa x reader #hq smut #haikyuu smut #hq x reader #haikyuu x reader #hq x male reader #haikyuu x male reader #🐝 anon #answered #also thank you alex for just helping me out my brain did not cooperate this week #alex tag #felix thirsts

[thatesqcrush]

Voire Dire, Pt. 2

Rafael Barba x Reader. Warnings: heavy kissing/touching, some language. WC: 4,072. Episode References: 19x13 & 22x04.

A certified workaholic, Rafael had little to no time for any kind of romantic relationships. His last one, with Yelina, years prior, ended badly. It was during that relationship he had expressed deep feelings and she rebuked him, using him as a stepping stone to his former friend, Alex Muñoz. That was not to say he was celibate; he had needs - desires; and he bid his time with men and women who also exhibited similar interests. They warmed the bed, but never the heart. It was just easier to focus on work - work required no emotion.

Rafael found his mind wandering as the cab took him home. He was drawn to you the moment he stepped through the 8th floor doors where all the junior ADAs were working. He recalled when he sat in a similar room, in Brooklyn, before he made his way up the ladder. Things were so much easier then, even if he didn't recognize it at the time. The world was an old movie: all black and white and it was high noon. He was Gary Cooper and absolutely sure absolutely who were the good guys, who were the bad guys.

The kiss replayed in his mind like an endless looping device. You had bright, lush lips that he was pretty sure were designed to drive anyone of any orientation mad. When you had kissed him, it certainly took him by surprise - a wonderful surprise. He allowed himself to relish in the taste of your kiss - the invitation you gave when you moaned and opened your mouth more, so he could slide his tongue into your mouth. 

For the briefest of moments, he ignored the rational part of his brain. All cares were thrown into the wind. And then his moral compass, which was spinning and spinning and spinning, came to a sudden stop as it dawned on him that you had been drinking.

The kiss - was an impulse born out of your drunken stupor. He hadn’t missed however, the look of disappointment on your face when he broke the kiss and stated he should not have done that.

When he finally made it back to his apartment, he found himself unable to wind down. The mind of the prosecutor now turned defense lawyer, was racing with a million thoughts at once. Despite the busyness of his mind, there was one thing that he was sure of. 

Kissing you was tantalizing. And he wanted to do it again.

He changed into burgundy sweatpants and his old ratted Harvard shirt and poured himself a night cap. He was certain your email was like his when he was there: first name (dot) last name (at) manhattanda (dot) org. Ever the perfectionist, he opened his email and looked up the D.A. 's office's website. Sure enough, there was your contact information (and he was right about your email). 

The plan seemed simple enough: first, apologize once more for doing anything without your explicit consent; second: ask for a do-over but he didn’t want you to feel any kind of pressure. Nor did he expect you to acquiesce - and that if he did indeed overreach, it was noted and he would keep things completely professional. 

He hovered over the send button for longer than he would have anticipated. Finishing his drink, he took a deep breath and hit send. And then went to bed feeling antsy - like a child the night before their birthday.

**

The sun shone brightly the next morning, filtering through the partially open shades. Rafael groaned as he stretched, with his back and shoulders making a cracking sound as the bubbles burst in the synovial fluid around his joints. It was simultaneously satisfying and a reminder of his age.

The coffee maker beeped, signaling it was done brewing. Rafael made way to the bathroom to take care of his morning ablutions. He helped himself to coffee and then sat back in bed to read the paper on his iPad and get caught up on the latest happenings while he was asleep.

For a moment, he forgot about his email to you. He opened his inbox, mentally gearing himself for an email from you rebuking him, or worse, no response at all.

His normally steel stomach flipped when he saw there was an email.

Rafael, you have nothing to apologize for. I would love a do-over. Name the place/time, and I’ll meet you. My phone # is 718-371-5952. -Y/N

Rafael looked at the timestamp on the reply. You were up early. He scratched his beard and wondered if it was too early to text. 

‘It’s too early to text Rafael, coño.’ He chastised himself. ‘Es muy temprano; después. Ya no eres un hombre joven; necesitas relajarte.

**

You were distracted at work. You couldn’t focus one bit. You tried to immerse yourself with work, but you were anxious. You kept checking your phone to see if Rafael had texted you. Groaning, you took your phone and threw it into your drawer. You opened a new browser window when Marjorie strolled in. She had black oversized glasses and a hoodie. In her hands were two coffee cups and a brown paper bag. 

You were relieved when you saw her - talking with her would help keep your anxieties at bay. 

You stood and turned the corner of your desk and hopped on Marjorie’s desk.

“Morning!” You replied cheerfully. 

Marjorie groaned. “Why are you so loud? Why is it so bright in here?” You reached for a coffee and she protested, reaching for it. You held it back, smirking.

“Someone had a bit much I suppose? Woke up full of regret for poor life choices?”

Marjorie took off her sunglasses. “Yes.” She hissed. “You had a lot to drink too; why are you so chipper? Did you get laid or something?”

You paused and it was a long enough of a pause for her to jump all over it. “Oh my fuck, who? Spill. Carisi?”

You barked out a laugh before taking a sip of the piping hot coffee. “No. God knows I love him, but not like that.” You narrowed your eyes and leaned down to whisper, scanning the office.

“Um - what are you doing? We’re the only ones here working today.” Marjorie cocked her brow in response. 

“This place leaks like a sieve, Marj - you know that.” You warned. “Can’t be too careful.” 

Marjorie sighed and put on her sunglasses once more. “Sorry, it’s too bright. Still too drunk.”

You shook your head. “Um. It was Barba.”

“You fucked Barba!” Marjorie shrieked loudly. 

“Would you lower your voice?” You replied sternly. “No. I did not sleep with him. But we did kiss. And he sorta asked me out.”

“Holy crap on a cracker.” Marjorie replied, astounded by the news. She opened the other coffee and pushed the brown paper bag towards you. “Bear claws. So how was it? Is he as silver tongued as he is in the courtroom?”

Your cheeks burned as you replayed the kiss in your mind - how his tongue followed yours, deepening the kiss. It was full of enthusiasm and how he pulled you against him, his body solid and warm. If you tried hard enough, you could still taste the mix of scotch and coffee that was his kiss. “He was very… ” You trailed off slowly, trying to search for the right word. “... passionate. Yes, very passionate. Knows what he’s doing.”

Marjorie tipped her coffee at you. “Well then.”

**

When Rafael did eventually text you, he suggested a restaurant in the NoLiTa section of Manhattan. He insisted on meeting you at your place, as to him, it was the proper thing to do. You declined, insisting that a boomerang trip was uneccessary and that you’d meet him at the location. From the sidewalk on East Houston Street, under a grimy red awning that appeared to belong to a fading pizza parlor, Emilio’s Ballato didn’t look like much.

Rafael waited outside for you, rubbing his gloved hands together and when you crossed the street, he smiled. He had planned the whole night to a tee and it was going to be perfect. Rafael would settle for nothing less. 

You kissed each other on the cheek and then took his hand. On the walls were framed album covers and snapshots of various stars, from stalwarts like David Bowie and Billy Joel to the titans of film, like Frank Sinatra and Martin Scorsese. 

“Mr. Barba!” A voice cried out. You looked and the voice belonged to a hulking minotaur of a man who was sitting like a wary sentry at the first table. He was armed with a cup of espresso that looked like a thimble in the paws of a giant.

“Emilio!” Rafael greeted in return. The two men broke into Italian and you cocked your brow. You had no idea what they were saying and when ‘Emilio’ looked past Rafael and to you, you waved with a small smile.

“Come this way. I have a table in the back - more private.” Emilio replied in a thick Italian accent. “Welcome to my restaurant. We will make sure you’re taken care of.”

A waiter came by to take your coats and winter wear. As you shimmied off your coat, Rafael found his mouth suddenly go dry. You wore a blue velvet wrap dress with long sleeves and v-neckline. Black tights and black knee high boots rounded out the look. 

“You look stunning.” Rafael complimented as he handed his camel peacoat over.

You felt your cheeks burn and you were grateful for the dimmed recessed lighting. Rafael looked equally as handsome in charcoal slacks and a white button down fitted with a navy suit jacket. 

“Thank you counselor, likewise.” You replied. Rafael was ever the gentleman, helping you to your seat first before taking his place across from you. Soft jazz music played, but not so loudly as to be interruptive to conversation. The two of you were just settling in when Rafael’s phone rang loudly. Rafael reached for his phone, looked at the caller and sent the call to voicemail.

Rafael apologized for the interruption and you waved your hand, while shaking your head. “No worries.”

Another waiter came by, with a bottle of red wine, compliments of the house. 

“So what “in” do you have in this place?” You asked as you took a sip of the wine. 

“Emilio - back in the day when I was an A.D.A, had a family member who was assaulted. I was the prosecutor on the case. I put away a violent sociopath and rapist for a very long time. Emilio told me I was always welcome to the restaurant. I - I never really had anyone to bring here.” Rafael replied.

“Until now.” You finished, chewing on a sesame breadstick. 

“Until you.” Rafael clarified, causing your heart to flutter. 

Over dinner, you got to know each other better. You discussed how you ended up on the lawyer track and how you were study buddies with Carisi and Marjorie. 

He shared his fascination with The Waves by Virginia Woolf and The Count of Monte Cristo. Rafael went into passionate detail for the French literary classic by Dumas, recounting "This is the first book I remember my father giving me to read. It was my favorite book growing up. It's an easy read. I was a boy in middle school. I fell in love with the world and the drama of it. What’s your favorite novel?”

Again, Rafael’s phone rang, interrupting. Rafael let out a quiet swear as he reached for his phone. “I swear, I put it on vibrate.”

“Someone’s mighty popular.” You gave him a wink as you reached for your glass of wine.

Rafael blinked and let out a deep exhalation. “So you were going to tell me about your favorite novel.”

Rafael reached for your hand across the table and you were about to grasp it, when the waiter arrived to serve dinner. You jumped back slightly as the food was placed before you. Rafael had pasta with mussels, while you had pasta cacio e pepe. 

Picking up your fork, you nodded. “Love in the Time of Cholera. Florentino Ariza suffers from lovesickness as one would suffer from cholera, enduring both physical and emotional pains as he longs for Fermina Daza.” 

Rafael cocked his brow. “For my taste, there are too many long passages of exposition with Garcia Marquez explaining what the characters are going through. But as easy as the story is to follow, and as seductive as it is, it never gives away what is really going on.”

You scoffed. “So I suppose you don’t believe love conquers all?”

Rafael gave you a coy smile. “In the end we’re all passing through.” You laughed and it was music to his ears. 

More wine was had and conversation flowed easily. Emilio insisted that you both stay for dessert. At some point, your chair shifted and you were sitting right next to Rafael as you split vanilla panna cotta. Rafael’s eyes shifted from your eyes to your lips as you licked the spoon clean. You put the spoon down and could feel the sexual tension rising. As soon as you reached for him, you accidentally knocked over your glass of red wine, and it spilled in the direction of Rafael, all over his white shirt.

“Oh fuck, I am so sorry.” You apologized profusely as you frantically dabbed at his shirt with the cloth napkin. 

“It’s okay; it’s just clothing.” Rafael replied as he too blotted the stain.

“It’s not.” You disagreed. “Here I am, trying to make a good impression, ya know, be all charming and sexy for you - the Rafael Barba - and instead I am a klutz. Ugh, that is going to set if we don’t take care of it.”

“Did you say sexy?” Rafael questioned, a smile dancing on his lips. 

You opened your mouth to reply when Rafael’s phone rang again interrupting your thoughts. Rafael threw the napkin on the table, letting out an irritated sigh. When he saw the name, he held up a finger. “Let me just answer this.”

“Liv, what is-- yes now is not a good time.” Rafael hissed into the phone. “Tomorrow. That’s all I got. Okay. Okay. Talk then.”

Rafael tossed his phone onto the table and threw his head back, rubbing his hands over his face.” When he sat up, he noticed the bemused look on your face. You reached up and began dabbing his shirt once more. 

“It’s really not a big deal.” Rafael replied softly. He grabbed your wrists gently, pausing your movements. His hands were warm and they circled your wrists easily. 

You allowed yourself to relax in his grasp and crinkled your nose. “It really is going to set. We should go and clean it. Otherwise it’s ruined. And this shirt is nice; it’d be a shame for it to get tossed.”

“At this hour? And where?” Rafael replied incredulously as he signaled the waiter for the check.

“We… could go to your place.” You suggested softly. “I am pretty good with stains. Just need some salt, boiling water, and white vinegar.”

Stunned silence followed - it was brief, but it felt like an eternity when he spoke again. “Sure.”

**

It didn’t take long to get to Rafael’s. “I am so sorry again.” You apologized as you stepped off the elevator.

“Accidents happen.” Rafael replied as he led you down the hall to his apartment. If anyone had told you that you would be on a date with Rafael Barba, you would have laughed in their face and asked them for some of the good stuff that they were smoking. But here you, in front of a rather ordinary door marked 6C. Once inside, Rafael turned on the light and you took in the apartment before you. It was freakishly spotless and you wondered if you had entered a living ad for Architectural Digest. The apartment was sleek and modern but carried a warm ambiance. Colorful artwork hung off the walls and there was a built in walled library filled with all sorts of legal texts and what appeared to be vinyls. His apartment smelled like a mixture of leather and tobacco and books plus whatever cologne he had donned. 

“I’ll go get changed.” Rafael replied. “The kitchen is over that way and there is vinegar and salt in the cupboards. You nodded and made way, rummaging through his kitchen. His cupboards were as meticulous as his apartment and you smiled at the things that you found as you searched for the items you needed to clean the stain, like a box of peanut butter cap ‘n’ crunch.

You found the salt and vinegar when Rafael came back with his ruined clothes. He had changed into another undershirt and a pair of dark jeans. You felt the air get sucked out of his chest at the sight of him so casual. A tuft of chest hair poked out of the v-neckline and a gold chain glinted in the light. You took the clothes and spread them out on his kitchen counter and set to work. 

“Want anything to drink?” Rafael asked. 

“Water would be nice.” You managed to squeak out before you tackled the stains. Rafael watched you as you methodically worked out the stains. Your brows were furrowed in concentration and he found you adorable.

Rafael placed a small glass of water by you and then walked over to his music collection before choosing a record to play. The all too familiar instrumental notes of one of your favorite songs began to play. 

“Is that--?” You paused, looking at him curiously.

“Vitamin String Quartet.” Rafael expanded. “Lana del Rey.”

“Never had you pegged as a Lana del Rey fan.” You murmured continuing to work on the stain. 

“Plato said that music is moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything.” Rafael stated. “I have a very eclectic taste in music and if you go through my collection, you’ll find everything from Biggie to Celia Cruz to Lana del Rey to Prince - and everything else in between.”

“Impressive.” You replied. 

“And what would you have me pegged as?” Rafael prodded. He had also poured himself a glass of water. 

You stopped and looked up at him. You were overwhelmed by how handsome he is. Eyes that were biscay green and a strong aquiline nose. His hair, now bordering on more silver, than salt and pepper, made your hands twitch, as if your muscles instinctively wanted to run through it. You licked your lips and sucked in your bottom lip. You didn’t miss how his eyes darkened. 

“You’re the infamous Rafael Barba. Boy wonder. Taking on cases that everyone ducks with your big, brass…” Rafael’s eyebrow cocks and you smirk as you finish, “ego.”

“And baby killer.” Rafael interjected. His tone was acidic.

You flinched. “You’re not a baby killer.”

Rafael cocked his head. “Aren’t I?”

“Depends on the jury.” You replied, walking over to him, crossing your arms, which only served to push up your tits more. “But really, I don’t think of you like that. I know there is more to a person than just that one thing.”

“Not according to the court of public opinion.” Rafael managed to croak as his eyes drifted to your chest. “There is a reason I have kept a low profile all this time.”

You closed the gap between you and him and pressed your palms against his chest. He was solid and warm. You could feel his pectoral muscles twitch. A spark shot through your body, settling between your legs.

Rafael’s hands settled on your hips. The velvet of your dress was softer than he imagined and he could picture the dress pooling down at your feet. Part of him wished that the date had gone better. It did not go as well as he had planned.

“I’m sorry for tonight.” Rafael murmured as he wrapped his arms loosely around your hips. “This was not what I had planned for us at all.”

“I’m not.” You replied, looking up at him. You now wrapped your arms around his neck, pressing even closer against him. “I don’t need fancy dinners. I am just happy to spend time with you. I really had a good time. I am sorry about the shirt, but it seems all fine now.”

Rafael searched your eyes. The tension in the room shifted. Your heart began to pound and your breathing became more shallow. 

“I… the stain… it’s lifted.” You whispered shakily. Rafael lowered his eyes to your lips and recalled how good it felt to kiss them. He wanted to do it again. So he did. You didn’t hold back, moaning as his mouth crashed against yours. He pressed his mouth against yours with more force, crushing them. He took the opportunity to trace his tongue against the seam of your lips, seeking entrance to your mouth.  You acquiesced his request by parting your lips, and he deepened the kiss by sliding his tongue into your mouth. You responded in turn by pulling his bottom lip, sucking and nipping. His chest rumbled. Rafael lifted you up, his hands going to your thighs, encouraging you to wrap your feet around his hips. 

Rafael carried you to the couch, walking backwards until he felt the couch and threw himself down, bringing you with him. You let out a squeak but that turned into another moan as his lips found purchase along your neck and he took the opportunity to suck a bruising mark into your skin. 

Your nipples were hard like diamonds and the strip of material that dared call itself underwear was ruined. Rafael’s hands slid down your back to your ass and he gave each cheek a squeeze. 

You rolled your hips, feeling how hard he was beneath you and then slid your hands under his shirt and through his chest hair, confirming how solid he was. You raked your nails down his chest and Rafael let out a groan of a man who had been denied too long. “Oh Rafael.” You breathed into his ear as you pressed kisses upwards along his neck to his cheek and then to his earlobe where you sucked and flicked your tongue against the thin flesh.

“Keep that up and I’ll…” Rafael groaned. His hands move to the front of your dress squeezing. You pulled away reluctantly and looked into his eyes, which were blown with lust.

“So soon old man?” You winked. “We’re just getting started.”

“I am not that old.” Rafael retorted. 

“Even if you were - which you’re not, it wouldn’t stop me.” You replied before ducking down to kiss him once more. You rolled your hips again, grinding harder against him. You took his hands and placed them on your breasts, sighing as he squeezed them. His fingers moved to play with your nipples and when he gave them a firm but gentle pinch, you couldn't help but shudder. You were melting under his touch.

You were just about to tell him to take you to bed so you could ride him into next week, when your phone began to sound. 

“I should get that.” You replied, giving him an apologetic look. 

You climbed off and Rafael let out another groan, his eyes laser focused on your ass as you walked away. “Mierda.”

“It’s SVU. They need me to come down.” You replied as you checked your phone. 

Rafael let out a deep sigh. “Do you want me to come down with you?”

You shook your head. “It’s fine.”

“It’s late Y/N, let me at least walk you over to the precinct. It’s a few blocks away.”

“Okay.” You relented. 

The walk over was quick. You got to the steps of the precinct and looked up at the door and then at him. “Raincheck?”

Rafael nodded. “Raincheck.” He pressed a soft kiss to your lips and then you bounded up the stairs, turning to give him a quick wave. Rafael watched you until you were gone. He dropped his head as he began to trek back home.

‘What a fucking disaster.’ He thought miserably. He looked at his hands before he shoved them in his pockets. ‘I guess it's just us for tonight.’

TBC.

Tag list: @madpanda75  @tropes-and-tales @delia26omg-blog @mgarner1227@beardedmccoy @youreverycolor @neely1177 @witches-unruly-heart @mrsrafaelbarba @skittle479 @ottosuricato @sass-and-suspenders @mommakat32 @dreila03  @beccabarba @garturbo​ @lovebennycolonmiguelgalindo @imjustreallynosy @sweetsummertime99​ @whyissvuruiningmylovelife @annabelleb49​ @scarletsoldierrr​ @cesarofangirl78​ @redlipstickandplaid​ @redlipstickandblacktea​ @zoeykaytesmom​ @differentshadesofgray​ @misssirenlove​ @esparza-army​ @bananas-pajamas​ @mishaissocoolike @thefanficfaerie​ @theenchantedgalleryofstories​ @catnip987 @choppedgalaxynerd @pieceofshittytitty​ @ktiz90​ @evee87​ @itsjustmyfantasyroom​ @detective-giggles​ @rampantmuses​ @jazzyjoi​ @caked-crusader​ @rachelxwayne​ @prurientpuddlejumper​ @lv7867​ @permanentlydizzy​ @bisexual-dreamer02​ @madamsnape921​ @averyhotchner​ @teamsladsandgents​ @qvid-pro-qvo​ @alwaysachorusgirl​

#rafael barba x reader #rafael barba imagine #rafael barba x you #rafael barba and reader #rafael barba x female reader #rafael barba fanfiction

[anastasiabeaverhousen87]

Make Wise Choices Part 4

Dry sockets

 After Kara tucked you in and made sure you were comfy in your bed you felt a kiss being placed on your forehead.  After a while you sense the bed dip and felt something cold being pressed to your face.

Alex: “Shhh little one, is just me. I just need to ice your cheek for a little bit. Go back to sleep, you are okay”

You were moved a little so you could be laid  with your head on your sister shoulder while she was holding you with her right arm, a large pillow was placed next to you to avoid you turning in the night which also provides support for Alex arm. With her free hand she was holding the ice pack to your cheek.

Y/N: “Alex?” – barely awake but you needed to say this.

Alex: “What is it baby girl?” - she asks concern at your small voice

Y/N: “I’m sorry”

Alex: “I know you are, and it’s all forgiven baby. You’re okay now. Close your eyes and sleep. I’ll be here with you. I love you so much my sweet girl”

Y/N: “I love you more” – and you were out like a light.

You slept like the dead after that, Alex kept watching over you during the night making sure to ice on and off your cheek and that you weren’t bleeding too much from your incisions. Bleeding was expected for a few hours after the procedure, but you slept through all that. Whatever the blonde doctor gave you, was indeed the good stuff because you were comfortable during the night. Kara and Lena did a couple of check ups during the night making sure you or Alex didn’t need anything.

You feel eyes on you, so you start to wake up to the sight of your sister blue eyes smiling down at you.

Kara: “good morning sleepy head, how you slept?”- she asks in a very low voice, whispering.

You can feel arms around you and by the low voice from Kara you guess she doesn’t want to disrupt the person next to you, Alex.

Y/N: “Good. My mouth tastes awful tough”

Kara giggles and reaches out to get you and very carefully untangles you from your other sister to pick you up. Alex gives a disapproval grunt and moves to hug the large pillow that was on your other side. Now that you’re on your Kara’s arms you can see that Alex looks exhausted.

Kara walks out of your room with you in her arms.

Kara: “She didn’t get much sleep so why don’t we let her sleep for a while and move to the living room, ok?”

You just give her a nod and you rest your face on her shoulder. Lena is on the phone with someone and looks up from her spot by the kitchen counter when she hears footsteps.

Lena gives you a warm smile when she sees you and continues to speak on the phone. She has her laptop in front of her and several folder and papers scattered on the table. She must have been working for a while now.

Lena: “You know what, she just woke up. I know, yes of course. Sure, well will see you soon then.” – Lena hangs up the call.

You were only able to hear a bit of the conversation and it was one sided, so you are curious on what was that about. Then it hits you, you remember the stunning blue eyes of a certain blonde doctor. Lena places her phone on the counter and stands up to walk to the couch where you are being lowered and Kara sits in front of you at the coffee table.

Lena: “Good morning sweet girl. How are you feeling?”- placing a hand on your uninjured side and tenderly rubs a thumb to your cheek.

You smile at her- “Mornin’ and good. I just feel funny, doesn’t hurt to bad but my mouth tastes bad”

Lena: “I just spoke with Cassandra and she said she’ll be here in 10 minutes. That you should wait before rinsing, she wants to check on the medicated dressing she put on you last night and make sure it’s working”

Kara: “You do remember her, don’t you? Doctor pretty eyes?” – Kara chuckles at your blushing face and Lena smiles at you.

Y/N: “Ugghh, you never going to let me live that one down. Don’t ya´?” Not fair Kara, I was on drugs so you can’t mock me.

Kara: “No I won’t. And yes, you were. But you are not wrong she is indeed very pretty and seems to be an amazing doctor. You´re lucky kid, you know that she is town and all. Aaaaand you know what else?” -asked Kara with a mischievous smirk.

Y/N: “What?”

Kara: “She is single and super gay, yaaay and I think she totally has the hots for you”

Lena snorts and slaps Kara in the arm. You blush harder than before.

Lena: “Leave her alone, if she does or doesn’t have the hots for y/n, right now is not the time to make her fluster. y/n needs to rest and focus on her healing. So please stop it. Cassandra is on her way here and we don’t want y/n nervous while she is here.”

You hug Lena and press you head to her shoulder.

y/n: “My hero, that’s why you’re my favorite Lee”

Kara- gasps “The betrayal! my own sister and girlfriend, against me”

Lena rolls her eye at her girlfriend’s antics while you just stuck your tongue out.

y/n: “Ow Ow Ow…”- you tenderly touch your face.

Kara: “careful baby, you okay?”

Y/N: “Yes, I’m okay.  but this sucks, stupid wisdom teeth. There’s nothing wise about them.”

Lena: “Just be careful sweet girl, we don’t want you in pain again.”

You just nod in agreement- “yeah me neither”

There’s a knock on the door and Kara can see trough the door is the blonde Doctor. So, she quickly stands to open the door and welcomes her in.

You stay perched on Lena side traying to look cool and calm. But inside you are busting with excitement to see those beautiful blue eyes and hear that voice.

Kara: “Hiii… good morning Dr. Sharpe, please come in. “

Dr Sharpe: “Hello Kara, and please I told you to call me Cassandra.”

Kara gives the blonde doctor a hug that surprisingly the doctor hugs back just as easily and kisses Kara on each cheek.

Kara: “right right, sorry Cassandra. Okay so the patient is over there stealing my girl so you can please come in and feel yourself at home. Do you want anything to drink or eat?”

Dr. Sharpe: “Oh? let me see if I can help with the liberation of your girl and a coffee would be lovely. Thank you.”

Kara: “Coffee coming right up”

The doctor walks toward the couch exuding confidence and you find yourself checking her out. She is tall, legs long for miles and those dark jeans she is wearing is like they’re printed on her. Her ass is out of this planet, people should no be allowed to be this perfect. She sits in front of you and she catches your eyes roaming her and she smiles at you.

Dr. Sharpe: “Well good morning lovely ladies, I hear my newest patient is taking Miss Luthor hostage or something along those lines”

Kara :“Yes she is!!! Also, how do you take your coffee Cassandra?”- says from the kitchen

Lena chuckles and kisses her friend in the cheek. while Cassandra reciprocates the same with a kiss to both of Lena’s cheeks and then places a very tender feathery kisses to both of your cheeks as well. The doctor is wearing a cooper sweater and her hair is in lose waves, you get lost in those ocean blue eyes that seems to pop even more impressively than the night before, due to the sun coming from the window and her copper sweater.

Cassandra: “I’m Italian, so we kiss a lot. and Kara I’ll take that black, no sugar please” - she winks at you.

You get your bearings back and use the coffee thing to divert Lena’s attention on you. You can feel eyes burning holes in the back of your head.

y/n: “Black, no sugar? I knew there must have been something wrong with you. No one can be this perfect. Research says you're probably a psychopath with sadistic tendencies”.

Kara and Lena laugh out loud at your comment while the blue-eyed woman leans closer to you and looks straight into your eyes.

Dr Sharpe: “Wouldn’t you want to find out?”- giving you a devilish smile

You just gulp and your gay ass brain collapses thinking YES! I would love to find out.

Cassandra gives a quiet chuckle while Kara walks back to the living room carrying a steaming mug and giving It to Cassandra. While Lena just looks amused at the interaction between the women.

Dr. Sharpe-. “Thank you Kara” - she takes the mug placing it next to her at the coffee table.  “Okay how about you let me check the dressing so you can go rinse with salt water. That helps kill bacteria and bad taste from your mouth. “

You nod in agreement and move to lay down so the blonde doctor can find a better angle to check you mouth. Lena so used to you being practically a Koala doesn’t even think twice before moving with you so you could rest on her like you did the night before on Kara. This time however you notice the doctor rise an eyebrow at of curiosity directed to her friend, the stoic Luthor.

Lena: “What?”

Kara: “don’t mind her, y/n turns into a Koala bear the moment she feels sick or tired. Also, she feels the need to claim my girlfriend as hers every chance she gets” – Kara jokes with a fond smile.

You feel your cheeks turn red, but you have never felt ashamed of being a cuddler, you like hugging and being affectionate towards your family and friends, specially Lena. You are not embarrassed by that, you are turning tomato red because Kara is right and right now all you want to do is hug the blonde doctor and your thoughts are not entirely PG- 13.

Dr. Sharpe: “Please I don’t mind at all; I’m part Italian and we don’t have a sense of personal space and we tend to be super touchy feely. I think that’s adorable, honestly. I wasn’t shock about that; I mean who can even say no to this little face huh?” -directed at you. You just smile like a dork. “No, I was just surprise, I used to think that Lena was allergic to PDA and seeing how soft she is with your sister, well is quite interesting to witness. At first when I used to give Lena a peck or a hug, she would become stiff like a board at not expecting me to be so affectioned. It was so funny to see her blush and be awkward”. -the blonde says smiling at the memories.

Lena: “What can I say? She gives the best hugs and cuddles. And brings it out of me I guess, just like you eventually did when we were younger.”

Kara: “Hey that hurts you know? Who do you think taught this one to cuddle huh?”

y/n: “yes, that may be true but I perfectioned the art, and besides I’m cuter”. -with a shit eating grin on your face.

The women chuckle at that and Kara nods.

Kara: “You got me there, you’re the cutest short stuff”

 y/n: “I’m not short, you beanpole!” -you stuck you tongue at her once again and it hurts. “Ow..”

Dr. Sharpe: “Okaaay, well that wasn’t very wise there. Try no to force or overuse the muscles in your mouth. You can feel tugging or even stabbing pain if you pull at the tissue to hard. Let me take a look and see what we have” – the blonde woman switches to full doctor mode.

The blonde doctor grabs a small metallic case you didn’t noticed before,  she pours some liquid in her hands and takes out a pair of latex gloves and several other items and what it looks like a small headband with a tiny light in the front. She proceeds to turn the light on and looks down at you and begins her examination.

Dr. Sharpe: “Okay let see, well it seems to be healing normally. The dressing helps contain the blood and the clot its forming just fine. I’m going to remove this one and let you go rinse your mouth with a special mouth wash I brought you. It does contain a numbing agent, so you don’t feel pain but won’t completely lose sensation or taste. Here you can sit up, go rinse and then you can eat something before taking the antibiotic. Rinse very gently, you put the liquid inside your mouth, let it sit for a 1 minute or so and then your lean into the sink and let the liquid out”

The blonde doctor gives you a small cap with a blue liquid in it and Kara helps you to your feet and guides you to the bathroom.

Kara: “I will make sure she does, come one sweetie. We will be right back”

Doctor Sharpe removes her gloves and puts everything away. Grabs her coffee and sits next to Lena to chat while they wait for the Danvers return.

After you return to the living room with Kara, the four of you began making lunch, you slept pretty much all the morning way. Alex joins the group a little after that and sits next to the blonde doctor and you while chatting away with everyone. You learn that the blonde woman is an amazing cook and you made her promise she will make all of you a proper Italian diner once you can eat normally again, which causes Kara and yourself to drool thinking about Italian cuisine. You all continue to chat getting to know each other’s a little better and after a while the blonde doctor put in another dressing on your incisions and mentioned she would return the next day but she had to leave at the moment to attend to her daily appointments. Lena also had to leave for a meeting in L-Corp. You end up lazing around the couch with your sisters feeling a bit drowsy at the medication you got after lunch. But feeling much better than you tough you would be feeling. Doctor Sharpe called Alex in the evening to give her instruction on how to check and remove the  dressing and check if the clot was visible, once Alex did everything that was instructed by the doctor you somehow ended up again in your bed pretty much the same way than the  night before with Alex next to you.

It was the following day that things started to turn sideways for you and pretty soon, all hell was about to break lose. You felt a tugging inside your cheek again, this time it was a bit more painful than before. You grunted and tried to move and felt someone holding you in place. Alex felt the movement and woke up.

Alex: “Hey little one, what is it?”

y/n: “hurts” – that all you said.

Alex moves to turn on the lights to have a look at you. She checks on you and gives you the prescribed pain medication. She then goes back to her previous position with you in her arms and starts to comb her fingers through your hair and hums softly a lullaby both your sisters use whenever you were sick to help you fall asleep.

In the morning things seem to be somewhat fine, you still felt odd and you just wanted to be held and sleep as much as possible. You felt worn out, like coming down with something but you accredited that to the fact you were taking meds and having two stinking holes inside your mouth and unable to eat your favorite food. You were lay down on the couch taking a nap when you felt it, that sensation you get before a big sneeze is about to erupt , you moved your face to the side to muffle the sneeze with a cushion. You sneezed into the cushion, hard and you felt a tug inside your mouth. But you felt so exhausted you just grunted loudly and moved your face. But you fail to notice the blood clot dislodging from the tooth cavity.

Alex was in the kitchen on the phone, you could hear faintly her soft voice and then footsteps. She didn’t notice the sneeze just heard you move and grunt in annoyance.

Alex: “what is t baby girl, you okay?”

y/n: “so tired, sleep…” – you grunt again and moved your face to the opposite side and pulling your blanket over your head and falling asleep again.

Alex looks down at you and gives a soft pet to you head and keeps speaking on the phone.

Alex: “No, she just mumbled she was tired and covered herself with her blanket and fell asleep again. I know I know, but I don’t want to leave her”

While Alex was on the phone the door to the apartment opens and Lena walks in carrying a few bags following behind her the blue -eyed blonde doctor. It was late afternoon and apparently there was yet another crisis in National City, Alex was needed at the DEO and Kara was already gone.

Lena: “Hey Alex, Kara called me and told me she was being held at the office for work and that you were needed for an important case. I can stay with y/n, Cassandra is with me as well. We can look after y/n while you and Kara are away.”

Alex: “Hey Lena, Hi Cassandra, I’m with Kara on the phone right now. Yes Kara, I’ll call you back. Yes I will don’t worry. Bye love you too”- sighs and hangs up the. “Thank you Lena, I appreciate it I do and you too Cassandra. I just hate to leave her while she is like this that I why I asked for the days off”

Lena: “Alex, I know how you feel but you are needed elsewhere, and y/n wouldn’t like for you to take you away from work when your expertise is needed. Besides I have a world class doctor with many many masters and awards, and you know how much I love y/n and I can look after her”

Dr. Sharpe: “Hi Alex, yes I’m that good” giving a cocky smile - “also, I’ve heard you’re a big deal bad ass agent and if you are needed with such urgency it must be very important. Don’t worry you sister is in good hand with Lena and me.”

Alex: “Of that I have no doubt, but I just don’t like not being here for her when she feels bad. I noticed today she has been more subdue than yesterday and I I’m not sure if she is coming down with something”

Dr Sharpe: “It is perfectly normal, on the third to fifth day after surgery the pain intensifies and it´s quite common for the person to feel tired and with not much energy. They get up during the night disrupting their sleep cycle due to the pain or being uncomfortable.”

Alex: “yes, last night she woke up a couple of times and told me she was experiencing pain I gave her the meds you prescribed but yeah, she was fussy pretty much all night. She’s been napping on and off all afternoon. She drank a protein shake and softs eggs this morning and made her eat lunch too, she didn’t want to, but I made her eat some mashed potatoes and mac and cheese. She is now asleep, I tried to check on her, but she is a bit fussy and just moved a bit and cover herself with a blanket.”

Lena: “ok we can take over, now go. Seriously, we have this covered.”

Alex: “thank you Lena, you know I trust you with my life and I know just how much you love y/n. and thank you Cassandra, I know we just met but I know Lena trusts you and honestly you are amazing with her,  y/n can be a pain when it comes to doctors but apparently you have her quite smitten.”

Dr Sharpe: “It’s the Sharpe Charm, seriously is in my genes” – she laughs a little “ but don’t worry about it Alex, I feel like I’ve known you for ages Lena has spoken so much about your girls that honestly I feel very comfortable around you all”

Alex chuckles at the goofiness from the blue- eyed woman, she can be quite intimidating and imposing but she is a goofball at the same time and exudes a confidence and kindness that makes Alex feel very comfortable with her. Maybe she is true and the ´Sharp charm´ it is a thing.

Alex: “Man you really are something else Sharpe. Ok I’m going to grab my things and I will have my cellphone with me at all times, you know how to contact me if that doesn’t work”. -Looking at Lena. “Please call me if she needs anything or something happens”

Lena-: “Of course Alex, you know I will”

Alex walks to the couch and gently removes the blanket and tries to rouse you and let you know she is leaving.

Alex: “baby girl? Can you please wake up for a little bit”

You open your eyes, just barely looking through slits and annoyed at your comfy blanket being removed from your face.

y/n: “ughhh noo, sleep now.”

Alex: “I know sweet girl I just want to tell you I need to leave for a little bit, my boss needs me, but Lena and Cassandra are here. They are going to stay with you while me and Kara deal with our bosses okay? and I will be back as soon as I can”.  

You tear up at what Alex is saying, “Kara is gone too?” -a tear slides down your cheek.

Alex: “oh baby, no please don’t cry. I’m going to try and finish very soon. But I’m needed for something important. Okay?”

Lena takes the opportunity to walk to where you are lying on the couch and you see her, you immediately try to reach out for her and she wastes no time In sitting at the couch and brings you closer to her holding you while Alex strokes you head and gives you a kiss in the forehead.

Alex: “I’ll be back soon baby; you be good for Lena and Cassandra”.

You nod and burrow yourself into Lena’s shoulder. Lena notices that you feel warm but thinks it´s because you had your blanket covering your face.

You settle down on Lena and you fell asleep again.

Cassandra is looking at the whole thing longingly at the cute and warm interaction between the sisters and Lena. the blue- eyed woman can feel like she could totally fall for you.

Alex: “ok she is out again, I guess that’s my cue to leave. Thanks again see you guys later.”

After Alex leaves, Lena adjusts your body on top of her trying to get a more comfortable position, the blonde doctor sits sideways on the other side of the couch to be able to face Lena and the cute bundle on top of her. You could hear the women talking in a quiet tone, but you paid no mind and fell into an uneasy sleep. Something was off but you felt too tired to care.

A couple of hours after that, it was nighttime already you couldn’t see any light coming from the window you felt warm, too warm. You are laying on the couch and then you feel stabbing pain, the more conscious you became the more painful it feels. You sneeze again and groans in pain. The pain is becoming quite unbearable as irradiates from you jaw, to your head, you can feel it near your ear and behind your eyes. You don’t know what’s going you cry out in pain and you can hear fast approaching footsteps.

Lena: “what is it sweet girl, what do you feel y/n?

y/n: “hurts, ow ow… make it stop hurts.” You desperately grab you heard trying to apply pressure to your head and temple. But you can’t make it stop and you cry painful tears and sneeze once again which only makes things worse. - “oh god hurts so bad”

The blonde doctor takes control of the situation and asks for Lena to hold you still so she can examine the situation. The blonde takes her medical bag and starts to take things out.

Lena sits next to you and holds your upper body while Doctor Sharpe leans to you and gently hold your jaw and prods a little with a metal tool and then you feel something cold being pour inside your mouth.

Dr Sharpe: “damn it! She developed a dry socket. I can see the bone is exposed and the blood clot is gone. I think she is coming down with a cold and she must have sneeze to hard and dislodged from the cavity. She has a fever now and the pain is going to be very severe. I’m going to put an IV on her to manage the pain and then I need to flush the socket. But I need to control her pain before she makes herself sick and becomes even more painful by throwing up”.

Lena just nods and holds your body still while rubbing soothing circles to your tummy and arm. She is tears up at seeing how miserable you feel. Dr Sharpe is now swabbing your arm and starts the IV but you keep trashing in pain. Lena holds you tight, but you desperately move to straddle Lena’s lap and rest your face in the crook of her neck while she rubs your back up and down saying calming word. you feel another set of hands on the nape of your neck and your temple , applying pressure and it feels nice, a little bit like it helps with the pain, but still you are in so much pain you just just cling harder to Lena and hope for the pain to be over. In the new position you feel someone grab your arm out from the hold you have on Lena´s neck and you feel a cold swab again and then a sting. The person holding your arm doesn’t let go keeps holding you to avoid you ripping out the IV. Your tears are soaking Lena´s blouse, but she just holds you tighter trying very hard to sooth some of your pain away. Until you start to feel the effects of the sedative, you feel drowsy like you’re floating, and the pain stops. You hear voices like they’re at the end of a tunnel, muffled and can’t quite figure out what they’re saying. And then nothing…

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

notes: keeps taking turns and twists but i think i’ll keep going for a little more. let me know what you think. 

part 5: flu and sisters. more blonde doc and lena 

#baby danvers #baby!danvers #alex x baby danvers #baby danvers x lena #baby danvers x kara #supercorp #supergirl #lena x supergirl #supergirl imagine #baby danvers imagine #b!d #fanfic #origial character #fluff

[alipeeps]

New tag game: Post pictures of your first ever (fictional/celeb) crush to the latest one and tag five others to continue the game

Thanks to @minmoyu for tagging me and ooof, are you sure you’re ready for this?!! :D I have been around/in fandom for a loooooong time and at first I thought, okay, no way I can list all my crushes, there have been SO many and we’ll be here all day but then as I started compiling a list I found I was having fun reminiscing and decided, what the heck, yeah, let’s do em all... or at least all I can remember! :D

There have absolutely for sure been other more minor crushes and passing fancies along the way, but these are the big ones that I remember (and that, in more recent years, I can track by going through my posted fanfics on AO3 and even *shudder* FFNET and seeing which shows I was into enough to want to write fic about the characters).

[Quick note: with rare exceptions, for actors I am listing them by the character they played rather than just the actor. Whilst there are actors that I like in multiple roles (and conversely, characters who on paper I would normally be into but are played by actors who do nothing for me, and hence the character generally does nothing for me either), for the most part it is the character I really have the crush on.]

I’m going to put this under a readmore cos it has gotten ridiculously long:

So... without further ado:

1. MORTEN HARKET from a-ha - OKay so, dating myself badly here but... I had the *biggest* crush on Morten Harket when I was a teenager. Pretty much the entirety of my side of the bedroom I shared with my sister was covered in posters of a-ha, and Morten in particular. I even had a heart-shaped Morten Harket pillow! :D I loved a-ha’s music (still do!) and I wanted to go see them in concert when I was 14 but my parents wouldn’t let me (*sob*). I did finally get to see them in concert in the early 2000s and they were BRILLIANT live (and Morten was still very very pretty)! 

2. RICHARD DEAN ANDERSON as MACGYVER - MacGyver is the first tv character I remember being really into and having a crush on, to the extent that I would record episodes of the show off the tv (onto VHS tape - yes, I am *that* old!) so that I could rewatch them (especially the ones where he got hurt - yeah, I was a whumper even then! :D)

3. KEIFER SUTHERLAND - One of my rare exceptions. I think I first saw him in Lost Boys (and loved him in that film) but it was his role as Doc Scurlock in Young Guns that really made me fall for both the character and him. I definitely remember seeking out any and all films he was in and buying any magazine he was interviewed in (and knowing far more facts about him than was probably healthy! :D) and even drawing a fanart portrait of him. :)

4. KYLE MACLACHLAN as SPECIAL AGENT DALE COOPER - I remember hearing about Twin Peaks before it started airing in the UK and it sounded so different and interesting... I watched it from the very first episode and very quickly developed a crush on Coop.  

5. BRENT SPINER as DATA - I think ST: TNG had been airing for a while before I stumbled across it but I quickly became hooked and Data was my favourite character right from the start. I definitely remember at one point buying an (unofficial) episode guide book so that I could look up which episodes were good Data-focused ones (especially ones where he got hurt! :D) so I could go out and buy the videos that had those episodes on (at the time the show was available to buy on VHS-tape with 2 episodes on each tape).

6. DAVID DUCHOVNY as FOX MULDER - Another show that I heard the buzz about and started watching right from the start and, like so many others, I immediately developed a crush on the snarky, enigmatic, troubled FBI agent with the weird name. The X-Files was the first show I ever tried writing (one, never-finished) fanfic for.

7. PAUL GROSS as BENTON FRASER - Man, Due South was such a good show! It was so quirky and clever and funny and Benton Fraser, with his huge heart and his serious demeanour and his gorgeous blue eyes, was just so darn attractive! He also got whumped a fair bit too! :D Due South was also the show that introduced me to the music of Sarah McLachlan (I was enough of a fan that I bought the show soundtrack on CD).

8. HUGH LAURIE as DR GREGORY HOUSE - This was a bit of an odd one for me because I had grown up knowing Hugh Laurie solely as a comedian/comic actor, known mostly for playing buffoons and genial idiots. And suddenly here he was with stubble, an American accent, and a limp, and he was hawt AF! :D It caused quite the feedback loop in my brain for a while which pretty much went “Wow, House is hot.... but it’s Hugh Laurie... but he’s hot... but it’s HUGH LAURIE!!1!”

I *loved* House (the first few seasons, at least) and oof a character with persistent pain (and a self-destructive streak a mile wide!) was a whumper’s dream. House was the first show for which I wrote - and published online - completed fanfics.

8. JOE FLANIGAN as JOHN SHEPPARD - Stargate Atlantis was my first proper online fandom, the first show I prolifically and repeatedly wrote fanfic for, and the first time I ever met in person an actor I was a big fan of (and while the show was still airing, to boot!). It was also my first introduction to the online community of whumpers! A bunch of us from the Shep Whump thread on Gateworld heard that Joe was going to be at a convention in London and we decided to book hotel rooms and meet up and go to the convention together and it was AWESOME! I can still remember seeing Joe *in person* for the first time and just,,,, struggling to believe he was actually here, in person, in front of me! He was super super lovely and humble too and took time to chat to everyone at the signing table and I clearly remember my brain just pretty much fritzing out during the photo session and being intensely aware of the sensation of Joe’s hand on my shoulder....

It was also super lovely to meet fellow fans, and online friends, in person for the first time and we had so much fun, and it kickstarted me going to lots of other conventions, including specific Stargate/SGA ones where I got to know lots of other lovely fans and online friends. I’ve met Joe about 4 or 5 times in total now and he’s been lovely every time.

9. PAUL BLACKTHORNE as HARRY DRESDEN - Gosh I loved the shortlived tv adaptation of The Dresden Files. I loved the fantasy aspect, the stories, the humour, and I especially loved Harry Dresden and how often he got whumped! :D 

10. DAVID TENNANT as THE 10TH DOCTOR - I had watched the Christopher Ecclestone revival of Doctor Who and enjoyed it well enough but I can clearly remember watching David Tennant’s first episode as The Doctor - on Christmas Day, at my brother-in-law’s house - and being aware, as I watched it that... ooookay, yes, I’m in trouble here... I like him... I like him a lot... :D I mean, I’m sure the fact that he got whumped so thoroughly in his very first episode had nothing to do with how quickly I fell for him... right? :)

11. ALEX O’LAUGHLIN as MICK ST JOHN - Another show that ended far too soon and just as it was getting *seriously* good. But also a prime example of my point about having a crush on the character not the actor. I looooooved Alex as Mick St John... and yet in Hawaii 5.0 he pretty much does nothing for me (the character is too stoic and the whump often too unrealistically glossed over). Anyway, in Moonlight he was my favourite kind of character - angsty, brooding, dangerous AF when he needed to be... and essentially immortal so you could whump the heck out of him and he’d recover so you could whump him again! :D

12. SIMON BAKER as PATRICK JANE - There is so much to love about Patrick Jane... his smarts, his sass, his angst... and Simon is a rare “against type” blonde crush for me (you may have noticed by now that most of my crushes follow a similar physical aesthetic - tall, slim/wiry, and dark-haired) and again here I think my crush is almost all to do with the character rather than the actor.

12. BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH as SHERLOCK HOLMES - I’m almost ashamed to admit it, given the clusterfuck that both the show and its fandom became, but in the earlier seasons I had quite the crush on Benedict’s Sherlock (and okay, a little bit on Benedict himself - I did definitely enjoy some of his other roles too). It helps that I was already a huge fan of the Sherlock Holmes character (I’ve read all the stories and novels multiple times and was a big fan of the Granada adaptation starring Jeremy Brett - whose Holmes would definitely count as one of my more minor/passing crushes) already. Benedict is another crush that I have met in person, at a (actually, the first!) Sherlock convention and he was lovely in person - very genuine, very articulate and thoughtful.

13. TOM MISON as ICHABOD CRANE - I was excited for Sleepy Hollow as soon as I heard about it and I was SUCH a fan for the first couple of seasons (before TPTB completely destroyed it and it inevitably got cancelled (I didn’t even watch the last season and a half)) and Tom’s Ichabod (and his amazing chemistry with Nicole’s Abbie) was a large part of why. I also quickly became a big fan of Tom himself as he came across as so witty and self-deprecating and *fun* in all the behind the scenes/convention clips etc. I was lucky enough to also meet Tom at a convention and he genuinely is that witty and charming and lovely.

14. TOM WISDOM as ARCHANGEL MICHAEL - I think Dominion was possibly the first show that I got sucked into by seeing whumpy gifsets on tumblr! :D It was such a great show and also to date the most immersive, welcoming, cast-and-crew-interactive fandom I have ever been in. The cast and crew regularly live-tweeted the episodes, and interacted with fans on Twitter, and it was SO much fun. And Tom’s Michael was my favourite character right from the start - seemingly aloof but so much going on under the surface... and some really nice whump, especially in season 2! I was heartbroken when it was cancelled after only 2 seasons (and just as the plot was getting *really* interesting).

15. OLIVER JACKSON-COHEN as LUCAS - I was hooked on Emerald City right from the first episode. It was visually stunning, so atmospheric, and really intruiging. I love love loved Adria Arjona’s Dorothy (ngl, I had a bit of a crush on her too) and she and Lucas together were just... *chef’s kiss*. I mean... what an introduction to a character... she finds him crucified, bleeding, his wrists tied with barbed wire, and amnesiac.... and the whump only gets better and better from there on in! Like the entire first two episodes are just... Lucas whump! :D And his devotion to her... Emerald City was honestly the first show where I really got into a ship. I was *invested* in Dorcas, dammit! Aaaand sadly another excellent show that never made it past its first season.

16. JASON RALPH as QUENTIN COLDWATER - Another show that I watched right from the start, was heavily invested in.... and that the writers absolutely tanked and destroyed in later seasons. *cries* Quentin was such a brilliant viewpoint character for the show and I loved his awkwardness, and his angst, and his enthusiasm, and his adorable floppy hair... and how often he got whumped! 

17. COLIN MORGAN - I fell for Colin in Merlin (which I stumbled upon late, long after it had finished airing, and hence was able to binge-watch the entire 5 seasons!) and liked him enough to seek out his other works, such as The Fall, and Humans, and The Living and the Dead, and he was brilliant (and very pretty) in all of them... and his characters also seem to get whumped quite a lot! :D 

18. MATT LANTER as WYATT LOGAN - Wyatt was another of my favourite archetypes... absolutely badass and competent... but also tortured and angsty and capable of intense devotion. Another show that I watched because of whumpy gifs on tumblr and the second ever show where I actually got invested in a ship - Lyatt all the way, baby!! :D - aaaaaand yet another show cancelled before its time.

19. NOCTIS LUCIS CAELUM from FINAL FANTASY XV - my very first video game crush! I was recommended to play FFXV by fellow whumpers on the whumpshire discord because it was whumpy... and they were not wrong and I loved the game and I absolutely adored Noctis. FFXV is one of very very VERY few video games that I have actually played right through to the end. And possibly the only video game that has ever affected me to such an extent... I became so invested in the characters and their world and I actually found the last couple of chapters really hard to play because it was actually upsetting me emotionally. I had to take a break for a couple of weeks before I could go back and finish it!

20. CONNOR from DETROIT BECOME HUMAN - and from there I jumped straight into another video game crush! DBH was another game recommended to me for its whump potential and I, and many others, immediately fell in love with the quirky, sassy, self-sacrificing (if you play the game right!) “android sent by Cyberlife”. The game itself is really good too... although, I have tried to play through all the different endings to the story but have never yet managed to make myself play the machine Connor storyline.... I want to complete all the story branches... but I also just want Hank and Connor to be friends and to be happy! :D

21. ZHU YILONG - Ahhh... the beginning of the asian drama arc of my fandom life! I first came across Zhu Yilong after getting sucked into watching Guardian because of pretty (and whumpy) gifs on tumblr... and I’ve never looked back. He is one of the rare entries where I am pretty much guaranteed to like him in pretty much anything he does and my crush extends beyond Shen Wei, or his other characters, and into reblogging his fashion shoot photos, and keeping up with news of his work in general. He’s just... so darn pretty! And also so... blur! :D And the behind the scenes stuff and interviews of him with Bai Yu, during the Guardian era, just made me fall for him all the more. He’s also ridiculously talented - not only a fantastic actor, but a really good singer (I love his singing voice), he plays guitar and piano, and he can paint too!!

He’s also pretty much what made me start learning Chinese... because after Guardian I went seeking his other dramas to watch... only to find that many of them are only partially, or not at all, subbed. So I thought... why not try learning Chinese and then I’ll be able to watch his other shows? :D

21. JI CHANG WOOK - My first kdrama crush, and what a good one to start with! Healer was the first drama I ever watched and can you blame me for falling for JCW... especially when I followed up Healer with The K2?! I’ve liked him in pretty much everything I’ve watched him in. Although I do wish he would go back to doing more action-based shows as he is sooo good at them... but he seems to prefer the romcom genre these days, which is something I am nottt always a fan of tbh.

22. JAKE HSU as MENG SHAO FEI - Yet another show that I got sucked into by tumblr - and also one with a great, fun fandom through which I met lots of lovely people who I still follow/am mutuals with to this day. I just *adored* Jake’s character in History and I also loved the ship - Tang Fan and Meng Shaofei were awesome and adorable together and I was totally invested in both the ship and the gangster/cop/what happened years ago story happening alongside the ship. And Jake is just all kinds of cute.

23. XIAO ZHAN - Aaaand we are pretty much up to current day now... where The Untamed took over my life in the summer of 2019 and has yet to let me go. Xiao Zhan is another disgustingly talented human being - a fantastic singer and a really good actor, and also an artist - and he also just comes across as a genuinely sweet and charming person, and a very thoughful and earnest one too. And lbr he is ridiculously pretty, and his smile is just pure sunshine. 

24. LEE DONG WOOK as LEE YEON - The most recent entry to the charts.... a Korean actor I was aware of but whose work I hadn’t watched and whose looks didn’t particularly seem to grab me... until I watched Tale of the Nine Tailed and fell head over heels for Lee Yeon (and daaayum does red hair suit LDW!!) and very quickly began to find LDW’s looks very appealing (and oh my, does Lee Yeon whump well!!). And yes, I have now started watching Goblin. :D

Phew! Aaaand we are done! I’ll admit, I did think of a few more as I was compiling this list but I decided to categorise them as more “minor” crushes and not include them... otherwise we really could be here all day!!

I’m going to tag: @sarah-yyy​, @arlothia​, @howdydowdy​, @thepromiseweheldforlife​ and @the-wandering-whumper​!

#meme #fandom #crushes

[kyle-valenti]

small towns make for small friends 1/?

for @larenoz and their amazing prompt for milenti background (and future mylex?)

read on ao3

*

Small desert towns, however sparse and anachronistic, gave away knowledge to the people that dared to live in them. For instance the long stretches of roads in and out of Roswell were used for specific things by the locals. One road led to the airstream and dairy ranches, one led out of the town to better things, one circled tourist attractions for tin foil hat visitors, and one rounded around the various homesteads of people daring enough to lead a small life.

There was nothing too off-putting about seeing a car stopped along the stretch of road to his airstream home; Michael was almost certain it was a townie. Dead cell service littered this specific road, so there was a possibility the driver needed help. Not something he usually cared about, but it was near the end of the month and he was tight on rent after paying up his bill with a stubborn Maria Deluca at the Wild Pony.

He slowed down about a mile back, trying to identify which Roswell citizen he would be dealing with only to have a strong suspicion that the SUV didn’t belong to the usual country folk. Thinking through his mind’s catalog of car owners he kept for business use, he remembered all too late that the grossly shiny vehicle belonged to Kyle Valenti. Just the thought of having to talk to the asshole made Guerin begin to speed up again to drive past, but the more logical part of his brain still pressed… It was doctor's money. It was the chance to screw Valenti over, because there was little chance in hell the doctor remembered anything from the auto shop class the jock used to ditch.

In the end he stopped, but he’s all fired up for a fight even so. Walking up from behind the back of the SUV, he knocked on the driver’s window before reaching it and looking in. When Valenti rolled down the tinted window, he looked like hell. Red eyes, disheveled black hair that mousse no longer held up, and a hollow stare accompanied with a tight jaw.

"Crying over your car?” Michael jabbed. “Promise it's not that pretty.”

"Car's fine," was the exhausted response, no usual arrogant bite to hear. "Thanks for stopping.”

Michael couldn’t help but stare, unprepared for what he had secretly hoped to be a fight. Confusion won over, although mocking still slipped into his tone as he drawled. "Thanks?”

Dark brown eyes stared at him now, and while there was the tiniest traces of anger, there was an overpowering desperation to them as well. "What do you want from me, Guerin?” he asked. “I’m really not in the mood to see more blood, so how about we do the highschool reunion thing where you break my nose later.”

"More blood, huh?” Michael prodded, too caught up in the past to be anything then violent. “Who'd you kill?”

A flicker of pain trembled through Kyle Valenti’s face, activating that one nerve that always stood out, before the man turned on the ignition and sneered at the open road, not even looking at Michael as he rolled up the window and peeled off the dirt and onto the blacktop, leaving Guerin so confused that he thought about the interaction all the way home.

The Wild Pony was one of the few reliefs Michael found in this dusty town, somewhere between the alcohol, Deluca’s constant stream of snarky insults, and a large supply of people to deck whenever the mood struck him. (It struck him often.)

Tonight he felt more calm, having made some good money between fixing a truck and selling some copper wire on the side. The whiskey Maria served him was nice and cold (positive reinforcement for squaring his tab) and the acetone he slipped into it gave him an even better buzz. While he was focusing on the intoxicating feeling and how it calmed down the constant overstimulation of the magnetic fields he was always on the edge of pushing, he noticed an unusual guest at his favorite bar. As far as possible from the bar itself sat Kyle Valenti cornered up in the back of a booth.

Maria was opposite Michael behind the bar for the minute, and he nodded to her. “What’s up with Valenti?”

Her face fell a little, sadness rising up that she hardly ever showed. “He lost a patient during surgery. You know Sam Cooper? His kid. Nine years old, got real messed up on a dirtbike without a helmet.”

Trying not to remember how his last words to Valenti were now deeply horrible, he replied. "Oh. They related?”

“No, Guerin,” Maria snapped at him, judgment all over her face. “People don't need to be related to care about each other. Foreign concept for you, I know.”

“Just a question, Deluca,” he huffed, but she had already sent him another glare before walking off to serve another customer, leaving him to fight any feeling of guilt.

Because he wasn’t guilty. It wasn’t his fucking fault that Valenti sucked at being a surgeon, or that he had stabbed at a fresh wound. Who cared that the asshole jock was finally learning that he wasn’t invincible and that hard times existed?

In the end, Deluca was too good at getting under his skin.

Grabbing his drink, he sauntered over to the corner booth and sat across from Valenti, every nerve of him on edge in case things went sour. All he got in return was Kyle’s confused narrowed eyes and equally as tensed muscles.

"You're a third of the reason Alex Manes left, you know that?” Michael growled out at him. "And full offense, I hate you.”

There wasn't anything Valenti said to that, which was probably best because any excuse wouldn’t go over well.

"That all said, you want a beer?”

Kyle stared, silent still, but exhaled a long breath that’s more or less an agreement. Michael gestured at Deluca, who had been giving them a hawkeyed stare the entire conversation (if you could call it that), and he wasn't surprised when she walked over with the drinks herself, all huffy. Her lips are pursed, and her eyes are cautiously looking back and forth at the interaction, but when the drinks are dropped off and Valenti works on the beer she’s given him she turns to glare down Michael. "You scratch even an inch on my floor if you start fighting and you're banned for a week.”

“Just me?” he asked her, a smug grin on his face. “I'm touched.”

She made a face at him per usual, but he didn't miss the way she left with a small squeeze on Kyle's shoulder. It was quick and soft, but it was also supportive. Michael couldn't imagine being on the receiving end of something like that from Maria Deluca, but the man’s face doesn’t even change. No smile, no lean in, just another small exhale.

It seemed like the only thing Kyle Valenti was capable of doing right now was drinking and breathing in and out. As much as he despised sharing anything deeper than highschool alma mater with him, Michael had to admit he was familiar with the feeling.

When things had dragged out and the doctor was now silently on his fourth beer, Michael gave up. "Gotta get out of your head, Valenti.”

"Ever seen someone die?” Kyle snapped, suddenly coming to life with a violence that he hadn’t expected was boiling underneath after such calm silence. Immediately Michael was on edge, but not because he thought he would be attacked. More because he could sense how much Valenti wanted to attack himself. “Ever felt it?”

Begging his mind not to bring up the memories of Rosa Ortecho that answer that question, he stayed quiet and still for once.

Valenti shook his head, a scoff ready. “I don't know why I ask. If you had, you'd know that's impossible.” Before Michael could even decide on what to say, Kyle added, “Just leave me alone, Guerin. Half the town already hates me for failing, I don’t need you sitting across from me adding reminders on how I suck.”

Partly to break the mood, partly because of the emotional emphasis on the word that translated as simple emphasis, Michael laughed.

It didn't go over well. “Excuse me?”

“How you suck?” Michael commented, a smirk finding its way to his face even if things were about to dissolve into the bar fight that Deluca was worried about.

All Valenti did was glare. “Are you 12?”

“Nah, just bisexual. Much easier to take everything dirty,” he replied, tilting his chin up in a defiant challenge. All he needed was one reason to kick Valenti’s ass despite this meeting and tilt everything back into its normal axis where the world of Roswell contained Michael Guerin and Kyle Valenti as sworn enemies who wouldn’t spend a second in each other’s presence.

But there wasn’t even the tiniest of reaction to the declaration. No judgment, no disgust, no arrogance. Just clear annoyance at his grief being interrupted for something juvenile. "How I suck is none of your business.”

"How, or who…?” Michael asked. Self-loathing for being observant and curious enough to ask would be a problem for later.

Kyle Valenti only stared him down, and with that Michael almost dropped his whiskey. Almost. It was good whiskey. “Well look who joined the 21st century. Karma’s a bitch, right?”

When all the doctor does is look away again, the temper in him flares up. He slammed the glass down heavily on the table, ignored the way that Deluca looked up immediately, and glared so fiercely that Valenti ought to thank god heat vision wasn’t one of his alien powers. He leaned over, his voice a venomous whisper. "Afraid I'm going to rat you out? Call you names? Make your life hell?”

“I’d understand,” was the even response the brunette gave, eyes looking unsure but jaw tight and resolved.

Standing up, Michael decided that Deluca could put this on her tab since it was her fucking fault. Spitefully, he snarled, "I'll wait a week or two,” even though he had no plans to do anything. Maybe it’d put the dick in his place just being scared, or maybe the man was an adult not scared of being out now anyway. All Michael knew was that the irony in Kyle Valenti being bisexual was crippling, and without thinking about anything but all the shit the jock pulled in highschool, he spat out, "you owe me a blowjob”, and left.

#milenti #guerenti #michael guerin #kyle valenti #milenti fic #guerenti fic #michael x kyle #roswell new mexico #roswell new mexico fic #mine #my work

[houseki-no-suffering]

Notes: Cinnaphos, 1960s AU, slowburn. burning slow. picture snails. picture slugs. not the admirabilis kind. also angst.

Chap summary: socializing? what's this, a threat? also, look: more angst ty @lapishead for betaeing this, enjoy!   

Cinnabar couldn’t quite put their finger on what prompted them to accept Phos’ invitation. Let alone what force had pushed Cinnabar to suggest a time and place. The only thing they knew was that they could hardly get any sleep the night before, their brain keeping them awake picturing scenarios and possibilities, each one more catastrophic than the next.

Now that they thought about it, the café behind the library had been a terrible choice. It was one of the few places in town that Cinnabar frequented with some regularity, when the coffee machine refused to cooperate or when they were running late for work. The workers, the owners, maybe a couple of customers would recognize Cinnabar, they would know who they were no matter how low a profile they managed to keep, and that applied to Phos as well. The people there would know that Cinnabar had company, they would rumor about it, maybe tell other people as well. Stupid town, where everyone knew everyone else.

It was okay. Cinnabar tried to calm down. It was okay to be recognized, nothing bad would come out of it, people talked about other people all the time, their opinion didn’t count. But Cinnabar’s heartbeat was stubborn and it refused to slow down. It was like a fever that broke Cinnabar in a cold sweat as they hurried to the meeting place.

They had started rushing, their feet taking up the rhythm of their thoughts and their heartbeat. At this rate, they would be early, pacing in front of the café with nothing to do and people staring at them. Cinnabar would be earlier than Phos; it would be like admitting how tense they were about seeing them. Phos might think they had been looking forward to it. Cinnabar’s insides twisted in a knot at the thought and they were glad to be doing this meeting on an empty stomach.

They forced themselves to stop. To breathe. In and out, counting the seconds. They clenched and unclenched their fists, letting one thought go each time they opened their palm. It would be okay. It was just a talk. It was just a common meeting place. Normal things normal people did all the time. It was just Phos.

With a brusque gesture, Cinnabar swept a lock of hair from of their face. Consciously slow this time, they resumed walking.

It would be fine, most people were at work or at home at 10 am, the morning frenzy of 7 and 8 had died out. It meant Cinnabar could not hope to go unnoticed amongst a crowd of customers, but also that they would hardly stumble into an acquaintance. And if Phos was late, it would give Cinnabar the perfect excuse to turn on their steps and go home, never to face whatever this conversation turned out to be.

When the glass walls of the café finally appeared in the distance, it was with a mixture of relief and frustration that Cinnabar welcomed the sight of a familiar figure.

Phos was pacing restlessly in front of the small store, catching the attention of more than a few passersby. For the first time in their life, they were early. Earlier than Cinnabar.

Cinnabar allowed themselves to stop walking for a second and absorb the sight of a nervous Phos rehearsing undecipherable words under their breath. They were so absorbed in their world that it took a minute before they even noticed Cinnabar’s presence.

In that precise moment, Cinnabar turned away and started walking towards the entrance without a word, hoping that Phos would tag along. They dragged their feet to the most isolated corner of the café, away from the counter, the clients and the entrance, and took a seat with their back to the rest of the shop. They were still hoping that Phos would walk away but they had no courage to turn their head and check for themselves, so they remained there, immobile, waiting for some kind of sign.

Phos joined them a couple of minutes later, interrupting Cinnabar’s escape plans. They were holding out a steaming cup for Cinnabar, whose arms had been glued to their sides. Phos ended up placing it in front of them with an awkward smile and Cinnabar felt bad about having them pay for their breakfast.

“I think I got it wrong,” Phos began apologizing, “maybe you wanted tea, but I don’t know, it’s still morning, I thought coffee’d be better, but then I thought you maybe had yours already so yeah, uh, hope a cappuccino is still okay?”

It was. The larger cup offered Cinnabar’s hands something to hold themselves to and a warm place to rest. Not to mention how much of their face Cinnabar could hide just by taking one sip. And how many sips a larger cup allowed them to take.

As a sign of appreciation, Cinnabar offered Phos a curt nod. It must have been the correct response because the smile that lighted up Phos’ face was genuine.

“So, you’re working with the kids! That’s so cute, I thought you hated children.”

Cinnabar frowned, holding the cup to their lips.

“N-not that I’d be spying on you or anything! Lexi told me, I talked with them. They say you’re great, I mean, you’re a great teacher, the kids adore you,” Phos chuckled, “that’s… nice. To be honest, I didn’t think I’d still find you here.”

Cinnabar averted their eyes, embarrassed. This wasn’t how they had imagined their conversation to go, they didn’t want to be the recipient of attention. Their chest started thumping again.

“This is awkward,” they mumbled.

Phos started playing with the hem of their sleeves again, twisting their fingers.

“Yeah,” they agreed, “I know. I’m sorry. But I’m glad, really, you seem okay. Makes me happy.”

“What, now you care?”

“No-no, I mean- I know, you’re right. I just- I’m sorry. This is messed up.”

“Not my fault.”

It was the right moment to exploit the size of the cup Phos had brought them. Cinnabar brought it to their lips without drinking any of it, finding respite in the sensation of warmth against their fingers. Phos always had a talent for addressing the elephant in the room but they looked almost as tense as Cinnabar. It made them feel guilty even if Cinnabar knew it was not their fault: Phos had insisted the two of them talk. Still, Cinnabar forced themselves to offer a temporary peace offering.

“How have you been doing?” they ventured.

Surprisingly, Phos was taken aback. They recovered quickly with a curt shrug.

“Good,” they mumbled.

“Alright,” Cinnabar tried to venture further, curious, “how’s Antarc?”

This time Phos’ eyes lowered to the table, avoiding Cinnabar’s gaze. Their face was surprisingly serene as they answered.

“Antarc died three years ago.”

“What?” Cinnabar breathed out.

“Car crash. It’ll be four years on January 14th. But hey it’s fine, I’m fine. It’s been a while,” they let out a breathless laugh.

“Actually, this is the thing I meant to tell you,” Phos went on, “Thanks, guess I was beating around the bush like an idiot. I’m sorry for not telling you guys sooner, I just… I wasn’t in the right place to, I guess. You all deserved to know. I apologize.”

A cacophony of thoughts and theories were storming through Cinnabar’s mind. Focusing on just one of them or formulating a coherent reply was impossible. Shreds of words and sentences kept twisting and coming undone and Cinnabar felt like they were trying to put together a puzzle that was missing a thousand pieces, unable to find the right one.

They had to say something. Silence would just be cruel at this point, but if it had really been four years how could they offer condolences or sympathy? And why had Phos never told anyone? What did they mean they weren’t “in the right place?”

It must have been excruciating. Phos had adored Antarc. As far as Cinnabar knew, they had been living happily together for five years and now it turned out that it had all been a lie. Antarc had died almost four years ago. Who had been by Phos’ side? Cinnabar could have helped, they should have. Had Phos been alone? Were they alone now? Why didn’t they come back right away but waited all this time?

A small part of Cinnabar was relieved that Phos was finally telling them, letting Cinnabar see their face as they recalled that Antarcticite had passed away. All of a sudden, Cinnabar thought they had already seen that same expression when they stumbled upon Phos the day before.

“You were speaking with Alex,” they realized.

“They were Chryso’s cousin, they were close,” Phos’ lips twitched in resignation, “should have told ‘em sooner, way sooner. They didn’t take it well. It’s all my fault. I told them I was sorry, they… I think they saw Chryso in them. I just made it worse for them.”

“I’m sorry,” Cinnabar managed to mumble, it felt like something they should have said ages ago.

“No, don’t be. I did it all by myself.”

“Still-“

“I wanted to tell you in person,” Phos interrupted them, “’twas the least I could do after everything. I didn’t want you to know from Alex or the others. I… wanted to tell you myself. You deserve it. And maybe you can be with Alex, just- be there for them, they’ll need it.”

Phos was right, but there were a lot of things Cinnabar still needed to know.

“How are you?” they inquired again.

“I’m fine, I told you, it’s been a long time.”

“You don’t look fine.”

“What? I’m fine as ever. Phos-level fine. Cracking jokes like this town’s best moron. Please tell me the title is still vacant, I’d be sorry to beat up any new kid with the sheer awesomeness of my personality.”

“Moron.”

“Yup, that’s me. A moron who’s totally fine and back in the game,” Phos joked, “cause this moron has been a complete and utter asshole and they want to make up for it… if they can.”

Cinnabar scoffed.

Phos reverted to their new, serious persona, looking at their hands to avoid their gaze.

“Thing is, I’m much more concerned about how you’ve been doing. Cause I had a lot of time to think about it and after Antarc- after everything and stuff… I- what I did wasn’t right. How I up and left, how I disappeared… how I treated you. I’m sorry. God. I’ve fucked up so much, must’ve won myself a prize or something, uh?” Phos’ smile was bitter, “not a nice prize. But yeah. I guess this is another thing I wanted to tell you. I don’t know if it’s possible, I don’t know if you’ll want me, but I wanna make things right. I need to try.”

Cinnabar frowned. This entire conversation was way too much to absorb in a single day. Even the simple fact that they were sitting at the same table again had been a lot to process. It was irritating, surreal, exhausting. Cinnabar was so overwhelmed that they wished they could go back to bed again, and it wasn’t even midday.

“Phos?”

They were so trapped in their thoughts that they did not see Diamond approaching until the latter started talking. At that point, Cinnabar was too relieved by the diversion to elaborate on what Dia would make of a breakfast with Phos.

“Hey! D-Dia, hi! Wow, it’s been a while,” Phos stuttered.

Diamond looked hesitant for a second, as if they too couldn’t believe that Phos was right there. Then they shoved their doubts aside and launched themselves at their old friend, hugging them with desperate force. It made Cinnabar wish it was that easy.

“God, I’ve been so worried, I’ve missed you,” they mumbled over and over as they tightened their arms around Phos’ back, “I’ve missed you so much. We were so worried. You’re okay, I’m so happy.” It took Phos off guard too and their arms lay helpless by their sides before they found the strength to wrap them around Dia’s torso in return, patting their shoulders awkwardly.

“Yeah, uhm, sorry about that?”

When Diamond finally pulled back, their cheeks were lined with tears. They brought a finger to their eyes to wipe them away with grace.

“Don’t ever do that again,” they murmured and if it hadn’t been Dia, it would sound like a threat. As they recomposed themselves, Diamond remembered to notice Cinnabar’s presence and their lips twitched in a small, familiar smile.

“Why, what are the two of you doing here together?” they cooed, all too amused.

“What’re you doing here?” Cinnabar replied.

“I stopped by for a coffee and then I saw you from the counter and I thought I could come to tell you about Bort’s party. But then I saw Phos and- Phos!” Dia looked at them, unaware of how Phos was looking increasingly lost, “Bortie is coming back too in a few days and Euc was thinking we could organize a nice party. Wouldn’t it be cute now that we’re all together again?”

“Bort left too?” Phos asked.

“That cutie is studying in a military academy in the north but they have a leave for their birthday. Aren’t they adorable? Always thinking about their family so we can celebrate together, even when they’re so busy with school. I’m so proud of them. You’re coming too, right Phosie?”

“I don’t think Bort’ll be very happy to see me…”

“Of course not! They may come off as rude but the truth is they’re such a softie and they missed you a lot, just like all of us. It’ll make for a great surprise. Oh, it’s going to be so much fun. I can’t believe we’ll be all together again. It’s so great. But speaking of which, I came to ask Shinsha if they could help us with the arrangements, do you want to help too? Pretty please?”

“I’m not coming,” Cinnabar pointed out.

“But we need your artistic eye for the decorations. Please?”

“No.”

“It’s Bortie’s party, how will they feel knowing you didn’t help?”

Cinnabar scoffed, crossing their arms over their chest.

“It could be nice?” Phos murmured, unexpectedly. Cinnabar’s eyes shot them a murderous glance. “I-if you want, of course,” they specified, but Dia was already ecstatic. They clung to Cinnabar’s shoulders with surprising strength.

“Pretty please?” they pleaded.

It was a mystery, truly, because when Cinnabar’s lips parted they had been meaning to say the exact opposite of what came out of them. But they made the mistake of looking at Phos as they spoke and at the way they were looking at Cinnabar.

“Alright,” Cinnabar heard themselves say.

#houseki no kuni #land of the lustrous #hnk #cinnaphos #fic tag #1960s au

[frederator-studios]

Austen Payne - The Frederator Interview

Austen Payne is a budding dungeon master, a storyboard artist at Smiley Guy Studios in Toronto, and a bonafide Cool Kid™. “One Hell of a Party,” the short she created with a team of fellow Seneca Animation 3rd years, is enjoying a glitter-glue coated festival run: it nabbed the Golden Reel Award at Nevada International Film Fest and Best Canadian Short at Toronto After Dark. “I didn’t know that was a category!” - Austen.

The positive response is no surprise to us - “One Hell of a Party” is one hell of a student film. Check it out above - then give a looksie to our convo with Austen, where we discuss the artistic merits of “Baman Piderman,” D&D as a crash course in storytelling, and the underrated genius of never giving up.

So what drew you (heh) to animation?

In high school, I was really into art and comics - and then I took a class on filmmaking, and I really loved it. Once I realized that animation was like the marriage of drawing and filmmaking, I was hooked. I went to Sheridan for fine arts for 2 years, then to Seneca for their 2D animation program.

What inspired “One Hell of a Party”?

In 1st year, I got sick with the flu, and one night really couldn’t sleep with a fever. So I was just laying awake, being really nice to myself and thinking about how I would never manage to come up with a whole story - I always think in shots, or scenes, but hadn’t ever thought of a real narrative. And then I just decided to do it, right then, fever brain and all. I thought about what I like, and I like demons. I thought about what you do with demons: you summon them. And I just kept like that, and by the end of the night, I had all of the story beats figured out. Then I held onto the idea super tight for 2 years, until 3rd year came around, when I pitched it to my class. And it was one of the ones we decided to make!

How did you decide you wanted to be a board artist?

I knew I wanted to board really early on. I mean, comics and films are my two favorite things! So I focused on it as much as I could in school, and there was some compromise involved. At one point, I just straight up didn’t do my assignment for board class, and brought my professor the boards that I was doing for an internship application. I was like “Well, I have this!” and he was just like, “Ah! This is great”. I got lucky.

That’s badass! Sounds like you had cool teachers?

Oh yeah - my boarding professors played a really important role. One of my most memorable moments was at the end of 1st year, actually. I had the BEST storyboard professor - super passionate about boarding, really cool, and loves teaching. I brought some stuff to him that I was working on, and was talking about how I knew that I wasn’t ready to apply to some position yet - and he just goes, “Oh I don’t think that’s true”. I was just like, “Whhaaa?”. He said that in a couple years, he thought I could be boarding professionally. It was the first time that anyone had said, “You can do this” to me - it was a moment that kept me going through school, and that I still carry with me. Oddly, it was my boarding professors who encouraged me to go for it - my teachers in other subjects said it was too hard.

Oof! Speaks to the power of discouragement… what else can you recommend to budding boarders?

Definitely keeping up with the best people who are working professionally, because it gives you a sense of the caliber of work that’s required.. Know what a professional board looks like (and they can look really diverse!) and research how board artists got where they are. Also, asking a lot of questions - your professors want to help you, and mentors are really important!  And lastly: don’t give up! It is really hard, really time consuming, and really competitive - but you know that going in. The fact is, it’ll never happen for you if you quit - and if you don’t quit, others will, while you keep improving - and then there will be better odds that it does happen for you then that it doesn’t!

Tactical! Enough work stuff, let’s talk parties. Does the short accurately depict Seneca’s scene?

Ha, I wouldn’t really know! I didn’t go to a single party the entire time we were working on “One Hell of a Party”! Sweet irony. The film definitely represents parties I’ve gone to - when I’ve done that sorta thing. Drinking just kinda makes me sleepy.

Saw you’re a D&D fan though! Any go-to character you play?

I’m usually a ranger, but lately I’ve been a DM, so I’m making up characters! I just created this awakened undead skeleton named Rook, who’s a very cheerful, pretty innocent sweetheart, for a skeleton. He gained sentience and came to hate the necromancer who brought him back to life to be a slave, so he ran away, learned magic, and then got revenge on his old master. Now he’s joining the story - my players just met him - but I can’t wait to play as him in another game!

Has DMing helped you with your storytelling skills?

Oh yeah - it’s helped me take a step back and approach humor in a new way, too! Like I listen to Critical Role and Adventure Zone, these D&D podcasts, and they’ve really influenced my comedy sense. Like laughing along with these guys, I wound up asking myself ‘Why do I find this stuff funny, and other stuff not?’. I’d never thought of comedy as something that you learn, but it really is! I’m honing my own sense of humor, getting a handle on it.

What are some elements, comedic or other, that you would bring to your own cartoon series?

I’m really interested in character acting - I love when characters have distinct ways of moving. I think there’s so much you can tell about a character through how they move. One of my favorite shows that does it so well is actually “Baman Piderman” - their characters feel more alive because of the attention put into their mannerisms.

“Baman Piderman” is a modern masterpiece. Any other favorite shows?

Oh geez, that’s a tough one. There are a lot. “Gravity Falls” - Alex Hirsch is a huge inspiration for me. “Fullmetal Alchemist” - both, though I like “Brotherhood” just a bit more. “The Misadventures of Flapjack”, “Rick and Morty”, “Steven Universe”, “Mob Psycho 100”, “Transformers Prime” - the 3d TV series - I like the “Transformers” franchise except for the movies.

What about favorite artists or writers or sundry creative humans?

Ahh! Okay, there’s so many. Ok: so Alex Hirsch for sure. James Roberts, a writer for IDW Transformers comics. Matthew Mercer inspired me to start DMing, and I’ve learned a ton about story from him. Dana Terrace, an incredible board artist / is amazing at everything. And Jenn Strickland, another awesome board artist and animator! Christine Liu and Lauren Sassen are two more amazing board artists. There’s Alan Ituriel (created “Villainous”) and Jhonen Vasquez who created “Invader Zim,” the first cartoon I was ever obsessed with. JN Wiedle is an awesome cartoonist and comics artist, and Bahi JD and Yutaka Nakamura are some of my favorite animators. I’m also super influenced by “Akira” and Studio Ghibli’s films!

Last query! Whatcha workin’ on?

Well aside from my work-work, I’ve got quite a bit going on! I’m developing two web comic ideas, and I’m doing the art for a comic called “The Goosefighter,” written by Marilyn-Ann Campbell, for Toronto Comics Anthology Vol. 5. It’s about a student who has a stand-off with a goose - so it’s about looking evil right in the face. Up my alley!

Thanks for chatting with us Austen, you rock! Looking forward to all of your upcoming projects!

- Cooper

#animation #seneca #cartoon #frederator #Interviews #adventure zone #critical role #matthew mercer #jenn strickland #dana terrace #invader zim #lauren sassen #jhonen vasquez #alan ituriel #bahi jd #yutaka nakamura #alex hirsch #gravity falls #independent animation #student film #seneca animation #sheridan animation #baman piderman #toronto #toronto comics #storyboarding #storyboard #The Frederator Interview #Canada #Canadian animation

[douchebagbrainwaves]

I'VE BEEN PONDERING ADVANTAGE

Today a lot of people who get rich by creating wealth, which is the satisfaction of people's desires. Another possibility would be to let that opportunity slip. Hence a vicious for the losers cycle: VC firms that have been doing badly will only get the deals the bigger fish have rejected, causing them to continue to do so but be content to work for a long time. One of the most powerful forces in history. In other words, you get anything, but this is the Bambi version; in simplifying the picture, I've also made everyone nicer. When I heard about after the Slashdot article was Bill Yerazunis' CRM114.1 Bulgaria, we could all probably move on to working on something so new that no one else has done before. What's a startup to do? I now believe, is like a pass/fail course for the founders, because they were living in the future.

Plans are just another word for ideas on the shelf. Which is not to run unnecessary utilities that people might use to break into this group.2 Also they find they now worry obsessively about the status of their server.3 A third and quite significant advantage of angel rounds is that they're too much influenced by recipes for wisdom. Computers are so cheap now that you can. Web-based software they are going to get bought for 30, you only have to compete with other local barbers. Things are very different in the early days of microcomputers.

Who made the wealth it represents? Large-scale investors care about their portfolio, not any individual company. In a traditional series A round they often don't. It would be like being an actor or a novelist.4 Actors do. But they usually let the initial meetings stretch out over a couple weeks.5 As one VC told me: If you were talking to four VCs, told three of them that you accepted a term sheet, ask how many of their last 10 term sheets turned into deals.6 Which for founders will result in the perfect combination: funding rounds that close fast, with high valuations.7

During the panel, Guy Steele also made this point, with the idea of versions just doesn't naturally fit onto Web-based applications, everything you associate with startups is taken to an extreme with Web-based applications. It had the same probability,. It's just not reasonable to expect startups to pick an optimal round size in advance, because that means your growth rate is decreasing. There are three main disadvantages: you mix together your business and personal life; they will probably not be as well connected as the big-name VC firm will not screw you too outrageously, because other founders would avoid them if word got out.8 Because of Y Combinator's position at the extreme end of the scale of the successes in the startup world, closing is not what deals do. But more than half the agreed upon price.9 When you can reproduce errors and release changes instantly, you can manufacture them by taking any project usually done by multiple people and trying to do things that might look bad. And software that's released in a series of small changes.

C is pretty low-level, but it looks like they're merely floating downstream. But what if your manager was hit by a bus?10 In the past, but users won't hear about them anymore. The most naive version of which is the prudent choice. If you're already profitable, on however small a scale, it costs nothing to fix.11 Since demo day occurs after 10 weeks, the company is default alive or default dead may save you from the building burning down. But by the time most people hear about it. Half the founders I talk to a startup.

With respect to the continuance of friendships. It would be nice to be able to find statistical differences between these and my real mail.12 Who would rely on such a test? He got a 4x liquidation preference. In a company founded by two people, 10% of the total or $10,000, whichever is greater. I asked him if he could get all the attention, when hardly any of them can succeed is if they all do. Before Durer tried making engravings, no one would have any doubt that the fan was causing the noise.

And once you've written the software, our Web server, using the state of your brain at that time.13 If server-based software will make new languages fashionable again. As word spreads that startups work, the number may grow to a point that would now seem surprising. Tokens that occur within the To, From, Subject, and Return-Path lines, or within urls, get marked accordingly.14 Another way to fund a startup is like being an administrator.15 And so you didn't get a lot of what looks like work. Except you judge intelligence at its best and character at its worst.16 The most obvious advantage of not needing money is that you can get at least someone to pay you significant amounts, the money is there, waiting to be invested. The advantage of raising money from them. And yet the trend in nearly everything written about the subject is to do the opposite: to squash together all the aspects of it that are most measurable.

In the long term. So if you want to isolate from your developers as much as a checkout clerk because he is one more user helping to make your software very efficient you can undersell competitors and still make a profit. Technology gives the best programmers of any public technology company. One thing we'll need is support for the new way that server-based.17 As long as VCs were writing checks, founders were never forced to explore the limits of the markets it serves. And that doesn't seem a wise move. A company that grows at 1% a week will in 4 years be making $25 million a month.18 In fact, I'd say investors are the most common type, so being good at solving those is key in achieving a high average may help support high peaks. VCs obviously don't need to: it lets them choose their growth rate. But at the moment when successful startups get money from more than one of the big dogs will notice and take it away. Now the group is looking for more investors, if only to get this one to act.19 For many, the only thing that mattered, and you are very happy because your $50,000 into at a valuation of a million can't take $6 million from VCs at that valuation.

Notes

Prose lets you be more likely to be self-interest explains much of the businesses they work for startups overall. The liking you have good net growth till you run through all the time I did the section of the magazine they'd accepted it for had disappeared. And that is not the shape that matters financially for investors.

I made because the arrival of desktop publishing, given people the shareholders instead of crawling back repentant at the outset which founders will do worse in the sophomore year.

But you can ignore.

Several people have historically been so many people work with me there. Thought experiment: If doctors did the same gestures but without using them to stay in a place to exchange views. Delicious, but in practice that doesn't have users.

But what they're selling and how unbelievably annoying it is not whether it's good enough at obscuring tokens for this at YC. But on the critical question is only half a religious one; there is a bit dishonest, incidentally, because it aggregates data from crashed hard disks. Different kinds of startups is that the VCs I encountered when we created pets.

It doesn't take a long time by sufficiently large numbers of users to recruit manually—is probably 99% cooperation.

If you're good you'll have to assume the worst. Particularly since many causes of the fake. Charles Darwin was 22 when he received an invitation to travel aboard the HMS Beagle as a type II startups won't get you type I startups. Basically, the most common recipe but not in 1950.

One thing that drives most people come to writing essays is to the minimum you need to be doctors? Later you can play it safe by excluding VC firms expect to make money from the 1940s or 50s instead of just Japanese.

And what people actually paid. But knowledge overlaps with wisdom and probably also intelligence. A more powerful, because sometimes artists unconsciously use tricks by imitating art that does.

It's not the original text would in itself be evidence of a company they'd pay a premium for you, what that means having type II startups won't get you a termsheet, particularly if a company, but the problems you have to want to create a silicon valley out of the proposal. Photo by Alex Lewin. But it is to write in a large organization that often creates a situation where they are.

But his world record only lasted 46 days. Statistical Spam Filter Works for Me.

There is always 15 weeks behind the doors that say authorized personnel only. The reason the US is partly a reaction to drugs. Steven Hauser. Needless to say whether the 25 people have seen, so we should, because it was briefly in Britain in the sense that if you needed to read this to be more like Silicon Valley is no different from technology companies between them.

Well, almost.

At two years, it is more of a heuristic for detecting whether you can talk about the Airbnbs during YC. I may try allowing up to two of the next three years, but conversations with other people's. If only one founder is always raising money, then work on open-source but seems to have to do work you love: a to make that leap.

The First Industrial Revolution, Cambridge University Press, 1996. The markets seem to be at the outset which founders will do worse in the 1990s, and that the feature was useless, but the meretriciousness of the Dead was shot there.

Whereas many of the former, and the first philosophers including Confucius and Socrates resemble their actual opinions.

Maybe what you can hire unskilled people to endure hardships, but it seems a bit.

According to Zagat's there are already names for this is the ability of big companies to say they prefer great markets to great people to bust their asses.

It's a strange feeling of being Turing equivalent, but there are no misunderstandings.

Thanks to Eric Raymond, Marc Andreessen, Ed Dumbill, Chris Anderson, Sam Altman, Robert Morris, and Mike Arrington for the lulz.

#automatically generated text #Markov chains #Paul Graham #Python #Patrick Mooney #release #wealth #weeks #Technology #University #users #doctors #businesses #years #move #startups #Cambridge #desires #round

[rudderless-in-an-ocean-of-stars]

So a lot of the premise of S2E19 was the idea that Kara did a lot with her fists- and didn't consider talking. I was just wondering what you thought of that- Kara literally talked a robber down with just her words, and all of the sudden she doesn't know how to do it at all. Seriously, what is up with this backwards character development?

I’ve been thinking about your question for quite some time- which is why I’ve taken so long to respond, sorry, and it’s a very good one.

Yes, we did see Kara learn that fists aren’t always the answer to every solution in season one, and it was a beautiful episode.

So it does leave the question- why take that away from her character now?

The writers probably needed to further the problem of the episode, to show a direct source of conflict between the pair, so they took Kara’s reasoning skills down a couple notches to reduce her to being the ‘brawn’ so that Maggie could be the ‘brains’.

Let me explain the logic behind this. (Brace yourself, it’s a doozy.)

Maggie’s place in Team Supergirl is still undefined. Everyone else has already carved out a place for themselves within the group dynamics- for example, Winn with his technical skills, Alex with her general badassery. Given that the occupations of Alex and Maggie are so similar, it served as a catalyst for their meeting and subsequent encounters that led to their relationship. However, the similarities between them have made it so that Maggie cannot simply take the role of ‘badass with a gun’ within the group, because Alex already has it. This means that she must prove her worth to the team by providing a skill or talent that isn’t already there.

Kara, we know, is a very empathetic, kind character. While it makes sense for her to rush into danger heedlessly, due to her invulnerability to most forms of harm, it does not make sense for her to have broken a man’s arm or given another a concussion without feeling guilty about it. She’s lived on Earth for nearly half of her life, and we know for a fact that she’s learned how to regulate her strength very well. Besides that, she has always been reluctant to physically harm her opponents in debilitating ways. She normally incapacitates them as best as she can without injury. Whether this is due to her high level of empathy or her heroic sense of self- like Batman and his NO killing rule- is irrelevant. What matters is the fact that time and time again, we have seen her go to great lengths to resolve situations peacefully- attempting to sway Astra, for example- before resorting to violence.

So to have Kara so casually dismiss their injuries at the dinner table was completely out of character for her. While she uses the ‘greater good’ reasoning to justify her actions- by claiming that she saved the lives of the hostages- Kara has never been the type to risk others in the name of the ‘greater good.’ She would risk herself, as we saw at the end of season one, but she would never willingly compromise the safety of another individual- and if she did, she would feel extremely guilty about it. After she dropped Cat off of the balcony under the effects of Red K, despite the fact that Cat was not physically harmed, the guilt that wracked her was extreme. For Kara to break one man’s arm and leave another with a concussion is one thing, having her care so little about it is another, and a very out-of-character move for Kara. But then again, a lot of her actions were out of sync with the hero she has spent the past season developing into. However, it was done to have Maggie assert herself as someone capable of contributing ‘new’ skills to the team.

And having Maggie bring up the ‘Supergirl defense’ is another thing. Had Supergirl really used excessive force repeatedly, we would have seen mentions of this in the media when they criticized her previously. A superhero hurting people doesn’t make for much good publicity, does it? The vigilante defense is one thing, and they did have a point about debris-contaminated evidence, but Kara would never injure so many people and feel nothing about it.

Yet this is what they had her do.

Why?

Simple.

It all comes back to cementing Maggie’s role in the team.

She needed a place, a position, as I said earlier, and in order to get that, she had to play a critical role in helping and mentoring Supergirl herself. So by making Kara take a few steps back in terms of character development, they allowed Maggie to be seen in a new light by the members of Team Supergirl. Through this, she was also able to finally gain the respect of our favorite hero, and forge a working, if not friendly, relationship with Kara.

This, however, cost Kara’s character something, but it was remedied at the end of the episode, where Kara is shown to have learned her lesson and talks the villain’s father into cooperating. A nice touch, but not as nice as having Maggie succumb to the demands of Alex’s classmate. It was a brilliant role reversal in which Maggie was forced to do exactly what she had accused Kara of doing earlier- taking the fast, brutal solution rather than negotiating and reasoning. Both characters learned a lesson in this episode, and it was very well-written.

Obviously, it wasn’t perfect- making Kara’s character backtrack wasn’t the smartest move, but it was efficient, and it got the job done at the end of the day.

However, we also can’t ignore the way that a lot of the character development from last season has been shunted off to the side or disappeared altogether- and not just for Kara. This, I DON’T blame on Maggie.

No, for this, I blame Mon-El.

To push him forward as one of the major players in what is shaping up to be the central conflict of the season- Rhea’s evil plans- the Supergirl writers had to quickly make him a 'hero’ of sorts, in the audience’s eyes. Unfortunately, they did this by reducing the storylines of pretty much every other character, regularly giving him the spotlight of many episodes, and turning Kara into a rash, lovesick puppy too blinded by the shoddy writing and supposed charms of an alien frat boy to remember that her character- the character we came to love in season one- would never, ever be with a slave owner, or a man who can’t do the simple task of remaining faithful, or a man who tries to guilt her into a relationship by making her feel bad for not returning his feelings.

Mon-El is the ultimate representation of the self-proclaimed 'nice guy’ that we all love to hate.

Y'know, the guy who feels like he deserves everything, even if he does little or nothing to earn it, up to AND including a girl’s affections. The sleazy guy who offers to buy you a drink and gets mad when you turn it down. The guy with a chip on his shoulder who feels like the world owes him something simply because he’s a man. The guy who will sit down and talk with you like a rational human being, and say he’s not like other guys- until you turn him down for a date, and that’s exactly what he becomes. Entitled. Arrogant. Spoiled.

And Kara’s own behavior towards his guilt trip is another prime example of how poorly written her character has been the past season. Look at how gracefully she handled Winn’s unrequited affection for her- the pair came out stronger and better for it, and Winn grew into his own because of it. But now she immediately decides to jump into a relationship because his feelings for her- which were initially unreturned- caused her to have a magical change of heart?

Sorry, no.

There were so many other ways to develop Karamel as a legitimate, healthy relationship that I would respectfully acknowledge in spite of my support for SuperCorp.

Unfortunately, the writers made him too important, too quickly, which dashed any hope of a slow, realistic evolution into a redeemable, lovable character. Thanks, guys. He had serious potential, and if his story hadn’t been rushed so quickly that it became one the wildest face-heel turns to ever grace a television screen, he could’ve been a great character.

Could’ve been, but now he isn’t.

Sorry, Karamel shippers- if any of you are reading this. I hate hating a ship, but one as badly executed as this one doesn’t deserve even the dignity of my respect. I respect you, and your right to support it, but don’t ask me to do the same for your toxic ship.

Sorry if this response went on a bit of a tangent, anon, but I hope it all makes sense! :)

Remember, my ask is always open- for prompts, questions, advice, anything at all. :D

#whoooo boy #that went on for a while #sorry #ask me anything #tell me anything #Supergirl #Kara Danvers #Maggie Sawyer #Mon-El #anti mon-el #CW #rudderless responds