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demigod-dragonrider-schoolidol · 4 years

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hello lovely people!!! so after talking to @keeper0fthestars and an irl friend last night, i finally feel confident enough to post this lol!!! @ everyone who regularly posts HOW THE HECK DO YOU DO THAT SHARING FIC IS SO SCARY AHSJFKDHFJK anyways uhhh this is a similar vibe to the other obi fic i wrote, and i did write this while i was Going Through It, so ya know, heavy feelings n stuff and if that’s going to upset you pls feel free to skip this!! it is a comfort fic though, so it ends on a good note and obi is there just being his best. uhhh also gonna tag some ppl who seemed interested based on my last fic, but obviously there’s no obligation to read this!!! thank you to everyone who has been so supportive of my writing!!!! also i’m actually like really proud of this one 🥺 anyways enjoy!! this is for anyone who needs a lil comfort in their life <3

pairing: obi wan kenobi x gn!reader

words: 1091

content: another mental breakdown, lots of bad thoughts, again obi wan is the sweetest man alive and just wants you to feel better because he loves you

masterlist

You felt him before he even opened the door. Under normal circumstances his presence would make your heart sing, but these were not normal circumstances and all it did was add one more thing for your brain to worry about. A part of you knew it was silly, for he’s nothing but kind and caring and gentle, all the things you need when you feel like this, but you should have been asleep hours ago and you know yourself well enough to know that at this hour, it’s easy to feel like everyone hates you. Too bad your brain can’t do anything with that knowledge to change how you feel.

He entered so quietly, and because everything else was already going wrong and it might as well get worse, his consideration to be quiet because he assumed you were asleep made you tear up. Why was he so kind?? How is he everything you wish you could be, and everything you need? You squeezed your pillow tighter, hoping that maybe that would help hold back the sob that was quickly rising in your throat.

He immediately knew something was wrong the minute he stepped in. your apartment had never felt so…hopeless. And while he had no idea what had happened to cause your force signature to so strongly upset the vibe of your home, he immediately wanted to be there for you, to provide you comfort and softness and all the things he knew your brain would be refusing to give you when you were in such a state.

You took a deep breathe just as he stepped into the room, and everything seemed to freeze. You froze because you were unsure whether you could pretend to be asleep or to not even bother, and Obi froze because he was worried any sudden movement might just be the tipping point for all your emotions. After a beat, Obi began to slowly, oh so quietly make his way over to your bed, and very gently sit on the edge. You were lying on your back, eyes closed, and taking such slow breaths that Obi could barely see any movement from you at all. But he knew. He knew you were trying to pull yourself together, because you always tried to be so strong, even in front of him, no matter how many times he would tell you that it’s alright if you didn’t or couldn’t present yourself as perfectly composed, especially in front of him. He was always so gentle, why was he so gentle, and how had he learned to treat you so gently when you couldn’t even do it to yourself? You heard the gentle rustle of his robes, and if you hadn’t detected his scent when he came in the room (although you had), you could definitely detect it now, the unmistakable warm scent that conjured images of autumn leaves, warm tea, and sitting together under a cozy blanket, as his hand very gently came to just barely cup your cheek. Despite how soft the touch was, you shuddered hard and a short, almost hiccuppy breath escaped you without your permission, and then you were falling, falling into his hand and his scent and his warmth and everything flooded out of you and if you hadn’t been so upset you might have laughed, because the irony of everything was that today had been a good day, like actually a good day, but near the end of it you started getting caught up in your head and things spiraled so quickly that you couldn’t catch yourself before you were slipping down that terrible slide of overthinking and over-worrying and over-criticizing and it hurt but now Obi Wan was here and he made everything slow down and that was somehow a relief and utterly jarring at the same time, and the minute you attempted to get some sort of apology out of your mouth he was already shushing you and saying things like you never have to apologize for feeling, dear, and you know I’d rather you tell me when something is wrong so that I can make sure you’re not alone and he was so kind and so gentle and the universe may hurt so bad but the universe also gave you Obi Wan so you suppose that the universe can’t be all that bad. And when you had finally started to calm down you noticed that Obi Wan had shifted himself so that he could lean back on the headboard and hold you so close that you were practically in his lap, and when you could finally breathe again, he was right there in front of you, closer than you could possibly comprehend. And crying everything out had left you so drained and so empty, and all that empty space in your head gave you the room to realize that he had always been right there. He had been there every single time you were overwhelmed by sadness, or anxiety, or hopelessness, or self-despair, or anything that had left you weak and unsteady and unsure of your place in the world. And he had been there for the good parts too, for the silly dancing in the kitchen, for the late night stargazing on empty rooftops, for the evening diner trips for nothing else but milkshakes, for the rainy days on the sofa quietly enjoying each other’s company, and for every other little moment that reminded you what it was like to be in love with being alive. Obi Wan ran the back of his fingers against your cheek and you blinked, and after a deep breath you gave him a small smile, and you could’ve sworn that Obi Wan’s eyes lit up even in the pitch black room as he returned the sentiment. Obi helped you shift down back under your covers, in a more suitable position for sleeping, and then he was leaning all the way back in and pulling you close to him again, and as he kissed your forehead and whispered I love you as you intertwined your hands together, you took a deep breath and realized how much lighter your heart felt even after everything. This kind, gentle man took such good care of your heart and he was always there to brush it off when the weight of the world tried to crush it, and you knew that as long as you had the physical embodiment of all good things in the world by your side, you were going to be just fine.

tag list: @kaminobiwan @drinksomecoco @scribbledghost @corellians-only @icanbringyouincold @/keeper0fthestars (don’t wanna clog up your notifs by tagging you twice! <3)

#obi wan kenobi x reader #star wars #my writing

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dottie-wan-kenobi · 4 years

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I loveeee all the songs u chose for Tim!!! Can u maybe do a post or smth explaining why cus it’s so interesting seeing the choice behind these songs

Hi yes I can!! I’m not gonna do all of them here (I can def do the rest if you’d like!!) bc that’s just a Lot all at once lol. Also I might have typos and I apologize but dkjsfhakh I have bandaids on my fingers and it’s hard to type :^/

Disclaimer: some of these songs fit a lot better than other ones

Hard Times by Paramore

I chose this song bc it’s abbout being sad, but the tone is upbeat and happy. Something I’ve noticed abt Tim is that he is (usually) functionally depressed. Like, I read an article about high functioning depression, and it said that a lot of people who have it have a hole in their life – that they can have a job (and Tim does, being either CEO or Red Robin or both), a partner (who I like to think of as Kon), and be part of a family, maintaining this happy/upeat facade, but if you ask them what they do for fun…they usually can’t answer that. And I don’t think Tim can. When he was younger, he could, but what now?

Fave Lyric: “Walking around / With my little rain cloud / Hanging over my head/ And it ain’t coming down / Where do I go? / Gimme some sort of sign / You hit me with lightning! / Maybe I’ll come alive”

Little Lion Man by Mumford & Sons

I chose this bc I can picture Tim, during a low moment like when Kon or Bruce died, just falling apart and thinking he’s not going to survive it, isn’t strong enough, had something to do with their deaths happening,,, etc. Also there’s a line that references anxiety and like lmao that’s Tim!

Fave Lyric: “Tremble for yourself, my man, / You know that you have seen this all before / Tremble, little lion man, / You’ll never settle any of your scores / Your grace is wasted in your face, / Your boldness stands alone among the wreck / Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck”

Heroes (we could be) by Alesso feat. Tove Lo

I chose this bc Tim needed a happy song and also because this has such Young Justice vibes !!!! This is Tim and his friends having fun, roaming around, kicking bad guy ass together!! Actually upon looking at the lyrics again, it’s both YJ and Batman & Robin. It just encompasses Tim’s early days of being a hero I think, the happy carefree nature and the bravery and the hope

Fave Lyric: “Everyday people do everyday things but I / Can’t be one of them / I know you hear me now, we are a different kind / We can do anything”

Burn The House Down by AJR

Tbh I mostly chose this bc its a bop and I think he would sing along to it. BUT I also think this kind of represents his life as a public figure/celeb??? And if I wanna go even further, I think it could represent him when he’s older and more confident, with a better self esteem and maybe a lil less depressed (which I hope is in the cards for his future). Also it talks about lying a lot???? I’m sorry, I don’t have a good analysis for this one lmao

Fave Lyric: “Way up way up we go / Been up and down that road / Way up way up, oh no / We gon’ burn the whole house down / Watch me stand in the line / You’re only serving lies / You’ve got something to hide / We gon’ burn the whole house down”

Don’t Let Me Down by The Chainsmokers feat. Daya

I chose this bc it reminded me of Tim and Dick. I’m of the opinion that Tim getting fired from Robin was the right choice and that Dick wasn’t being cruel or anything like that at all, but I also think that Tim probably saw it that way which is valid. So it’s like, to him, Dick was his big brother who was basically always there for him, and then suddenly… he’s not. And everything else going on in his life starts to suck dramatically, and not having his big brother makes it worse, and he feels betrayed. Meanwhile Dick really is on his side, life is just also terrible for him too so they can’t be as close as they were when Tim was Robin. It can also be about Bruce or Kon tbh – just, wanting one of them to be there and they’re not.

Fave Lyric: “Crashing, hit a wall / Right now I need a miracle / Hurry up now, I need a miracle / Stranded, reaching out / I call your name but you’re not around”

More under the cut!!

Don’t Play by Halsey

This…. I chose this bc I really love the celebrity versions of the Bats, and also how competent Tim can be, and this song brings both of those together. Lol this could also be like…what other people think the Bats/Tim think like?? “Don’t play with me, I’m rich and will fuck you up” kinda thing. This is one of the ones that fits less well than the others but I still get Tim vibes from it so I’m keeping it

Fave Lyric: “Tryna take back what you say to me / I don’t give a damn what you say to me / There ain’t no time for games with me”

Over My Head (Cable Car) by The Fray

I get the feeling that after bad shit happens to Tim, he feels the way this song shows. I haven’t read much YJ so I can’t be sure, but I get the feeling that Tim, no matter what the truth is, feels like he’s alone and there’s no one who will help him. Obviously that can be tied back to his childhood and how he had to take care of himself, and so when there are people who actually do wanna help him he doesn’t see it?? And he’s down on himself so he’s probably thinking “they don’t want to help me, and I can’t blame them”

Fave Lyric: “But that’s how it’s got to be / It’s coming down to nothing more than apathy / I’d rather run the other way than stay and see / The smoke and who’s still standing when it clears”

Icarus by Bastille

Okay not so much the drinking aspect of this song but EVERYTHING ELSE. I even used one of the lyrics for a fic title. Basically my thoughts here are: 1) everyone looks to the Robins and sees how much they do and it’s just A Lot, 2) Tim knows Jason died and so he probably thinks that’s in his future too even if Dick survived, and 3) Tim is doing a lot and feeling a lot and trying to protect himself and his feelings, which is hard work especially for someone so young

Fave Lyric: “Living beyond your years / Acting out all their fears / You feel it in your chest”

Needed Me by Rihanna

Again,,,, the Competence. I love that shit. I love BAMF!Bats, and tbh I think this could apply to more than just Tim, but I picked it for him bc of the first lyric!! This is also one of those ones that doesn’t fit super well but djkhfjkdshah I think this could really fit an AU Tim where he’s like. More morally gray. Not necessarily a bad guy but just more confident, more arrogant maybe, and more jaded from the hero-ing life

Fave Lyric: “I was good on my own, that’s the way it was, that’s the way it was / You was good on the low for a faded fuck, on some faded love / Shit, what the fuck you complaining for? / Feeling jaded, huh?”

What I’ve Done by Linkin Park

Okay I think this fits a lot of different things: his actions after Kon’s death, his and Damian’s relationship, the lies he’s told (to ppl like Steph, his dad, Tam?), his relationship with Bruce maybe?? I can also see it as him thinking on who he was as a kid – a stalker basically lmao, but ultimately harmless – versus who he is now – a skilled vigilante who’s definitely not harmless. Stark difference there. Also he’s forgiving himself, which is something I think is important for somebody with a low self view

Fave Lyric: “In this farewell / There’s no blood / There’s no alibi / ‘Cause I’ve drawn regret / From the truth / Of a thousand lies”

Tell Me You Love Me by Demi Lovato

I chose this because I think Tim is fucked up by the neglect he suffered in his childhood. I think parts of this song can be directed at his parents, the Batfam, his partner(s). He’s afraid that they’ll leave him and he needs the reassurance. Whether or not he gets it is another matter but kdsjfjkdsah. Really, I think this is all just what he’s thinking, and NOT what he’s saying. He needs the reassurance, yes, but he’s not actually asking for it because he doesn’t know how

Fave Lyric: “Bad at love, no, I’m not good at this”

bellyache by Billie Eilish

When I first added this to his playlist I somehow didn’t realize it was about a murderer but dkjfhkjshjkah whatever I’m keeping it. Let’s just go with this is a song about being fucked up (in whatever sense u wanna take that as) and it’s not happy? But like the first one, it’s upbeat and positive. I think the happy sound hiding the less pretty truth is something that explains Tim a lot. Also its a bop and he might sing along to it

Fave Lyric: “Everything I do / The way I wear my noose / Like a necklace / I wanna make ‘em scared / Like I could be anywhere / Like I’m reckless”

Migraine by Twenty One Pilots

Just Another Song About Tim’s Abysmal Mental Health

Fave Lyric: “Behind my eyelids are islands of violence / My mind ship-wrecked / This is the only land my mind could find / I did not know it was such a violent island / Full of tidal waves, suicidal crazed lions / They’re trying to eat me, blood running down their chin / And I know that I can fight or I can let the lion win / I begin to assemble what weapons I can find / 'Cause sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind”

Fake Love by Drake

I hate Drake but kjdsfkjdsfhajh this goes back to a few things. His celebrity and how he’s seen/treated differently by others because of it, his low self view and the paranoia that people aren’t really there for him no matter what the truth might be, how he sees things others wouldn’t, his relationships with people like Damian and Bruce. I think he’s more forgiving than this song would imply, so maybe this is also for that AU Tim I mentioned above???

Fave Lyric: “I’ve been down so long it look like up to me / They look up to me / I got fake people showin’ fake love to me / Straight up to my face, straight up to my face”

Six Feet Under by Billie Eilish

TIMKON TIMKON TIMKON. Post Kon’s death TimKon and Tim is grieving and trying to forget bc it’s so painful!!!!!!

Fave Lyric: “Our love is six feet under / I can’t help but wonder / If our grave was watered by the rain / Would roses bloom? / Could roses bloom / Again?”

Flaws by Bastille

Idek, I feel like this could be how he could view his relationship with Steph, Cass, Damian, Bart, Dick??? Anyone? Just feeling like he hides his flaws and how he feels, and they don’t really (or at least, he thinks they don’t), and he likes that.

Fave Lyric: “There’s a hole in my soul / I can’t fill it, I can’t fill it / There’s a hole in my soul / Can you fill it? Can you fill it?”

do re mi by blackbear

I’m mostly joking when I say this but this is how he feels about Ra’s al Ghul. It doesn’t fit exactly, bc Tim and Ra’s were NOT together ever at any point, but this song is about being annoyed by someone you have a history with and wishing you’d never known them. Which is how I feel Tim should feel about Ra’s. lol

Fave Lyric: “If I could go back to that day we met / I probably would’ve stayed in bed / You wake up everyday and make me feel like I’m incompetent”

Bored by Billie Eilish

I really think this is Tim talking to his parents. Like, when he’s a kid, or when he’s older and looking back, he’s thinking “I did everything I could, it wasn’t enough, and I know it’s not fair but I can’t do anything about it.” I think this song is supposed to be romantic but I’ve never heard it that way skdjfkjsdhakjh I just always think about Tim, home alone and thinking about his parents.

Fave Lyric: “I’m not afraid anymore / What makes you sure you’re all I need? / Forget about it / When you walk out the door and leave me torn / You’re teaching me to live without it / Bored, I’m so bored, I’m so bored, so bored”

Rose-Colored Boy by Paramore

This one is like… everyone else seems to have an easier time being optimistic and positive than Tim does, in his mind. Idk I don’t have much to say kdsjfhsdjkah

Fave Lyric: “Hearts are breaking, wars are raging on / And I have taken my glasses off / You got me nervous / I’m right at the end of my rope / A half-empty girl / Don’t make me laugh, I’ll choke”

King of the Clouds by Panic! At The Disco

This is mostly because it’s a bop and Tim would like it. But also…this is a song about dimensional travel (apparently) and having ambitions that seem lofty, both of which I think Tim can definitely understand!!

Fave Lyric: “And when I fall to rise with stardust in my eyes / In the backbone of night, I’m combustible / Dust in the fire when I can’t sleep a wink, I’m too tired / This old world, this old world”

#tim drake #song analysis #asks #idk what to tag this as #meta #???#this is 20 of them!! if u want more lmk (there are still like 40 more songs I think)#but im done for the day ksdjfkdash #its so hard to type like this #Anonymous

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fictional-worlds-are-exquisite · 5 years

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How did you know you identified as ace? I’m just curious because I’ve always had trouble understanding ace and demi. Like I lowkey think I identify as demisexual and biromantic but because I didn’t really get? It? So I didn’t want to say the label out loud. So when ppl ask I usually say bisexual just because it’s easier. Could you explain it? Sorry for being so long, I’m just a lost puppy at this point 😅

This is such a hard question and it doesn’t have an easy answer, for me, at least and sometimes I still wonder. The thing about asexuality is it’s just straight up a lack of sexual attraction-how do you know you’re missing it if you don’t know what it’s supposed to feel like? Being biromantic is like yeah crushes on girls and occasionally guys for me, I know that. But asexual? Am I not feeling sexual attraction? Am I and I’m just not aware that this thing is sexual attraction? What even is sexual attraction?

I’ve talked a bit with some allosexual friends but I’m still not entirely sure I get sexual attraction. A lot of stuff that apparently is real sexual attraction is something I always thought people meant as a joke (you know, I’d have sex with them or walking down the street and seeing a stranger like yeah I would-that doesn’t seem real to me, I always thought people were joking but? As far as I’ve learnt that’s genuinely how some people feel).

For me it was a trip, I’m afraid you’re going to have to get some background here-I’d been in a relationship that was emotionally abusive in it’s own right-I didn't learn that until years later though when we did a workshop at school on what counts as emotional abuse. I wasn’t doing great. I also started to question my sexuality at the same time-not a great plan. I thought I was aro/ace. Truthfully I’ve really only got back into having crushes like I used to this year, which is 3-4 years after everything happened. The relationship impacted me badly in that sense. Relationships? Completely a no-go for me. Even now I’m not sure if it’d be fair for me to enter into one despite the progress I’ve made. So. Anyway. I went through a lot of sexualities on the ace/aro spectrum-lithromantic was a big one and I was sure that was me. Truthfully my mental state was just utterly wrecked and I was entirely lost.

But even then I just felt like...nothing really fit. It felt wrong. I dropped it entirely, I knew I wasn’t interested in relationships at that point and that’s all I really needed. But I went through therapy for depression and anxiety and pain management and I never brought up my relationship but I started to heal mentally. Eventually I realised yeah, my mental state is doing pretty amazing, but you still have a HUGE issue with relationships. We need to work through that. So I did...it still took a long time but I got better. And better. And better. And I’m still getting better. And I started to question my sexuality again, this time in a much better place to.

I had a great friend at the time who was part of the LGBT+ community and every time I tried out an identity, he was all on board. I think I changed it a lot. I remembered back to when I was hm, maybe 11 and I realised I definitely liked girls and it was tricky because I’ve very rarely had crushes on guys but like, I was in a relationship with one so...I guess I couldn’t just be gay. Now I know I could’ve been but I also know now I still do rarely have crushes on guys-probably less so than before, still working past that relationship sfhsdf but still. Anyway I was like pan? bi? poly? there’s honest to god so many sexualities out there’s it’s overwhelming. But I started watching shadowhunters and saw magnus bane and knew bi was the label for me. I just felt comfortable with it after seeing someone else wearing it proudly.

Didn’t really solve my ace question though. I wondered if I was demi (a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone) and I decided to stick with that for awhile. I figured relationships were a no-go still so I wouldn’t really KNOW but ace felt like a scary word. Like I was saying there’s absolutely none of that when I just, HOW could I know that for sure? So demi felt safe. MAYBE I would feel sexual attraction in a relationship after awhile-there was no way for me to know. I thought maybe I was a gray ace (one definition on google puts it as experience sexual attraction very rarely, only under specific circumstances, or of an intensity so low that it's ignorable), that covers more area than just demi. Maybe I did feel sexual attraction and I just...the time hadn’t popped up.

I felt a bit like I was lying to say I was ace because what IF-the truth is, maybe I will get in a relationship and experience this so-called sexual attraction. Maybe I really just do need a strong emotional bond or whatever. Maybe I need the most specific circumstances-maybe this, maybe that. It doesn’t particularly matter in the here and now though. In the here and now I don’t experience sexual attraction. Based off conversations with people, what I’ve managed to figure out about sexual attraction...I just don’t experience it. I still question it sometimes though because are people REALLY attracted to strangers like they want to have sex-apparently anyway. And if ANYTHING ever changes, if I EVER experience it for whatever reason-I just alter my identity. I’m not lying. This is who I THINK I am and sometimes people just aren’t right. If I’m not right, it’s not a crime, I was merely missing some information to lead me to the correct identity.

Plus, asexuality is something you really have to look into. It’s not just people who don’t have sex or whatever. Some asexuals enjoy sex, some asexuals are neutral, some asexuals are repulsed by it. I’m more in the neutral area but I have shifted sometimes to a bit of nausea or feeling uncomfortable with that sort of thing. Sometimes I don’t mind the thought so much-maybe if I really loved the person I’d be okay sometimes (NOT in a forcing myself way, in a it probably wouldn’t bother me that much even if I don’t much see the interest in it. DO NOT force yourself to do ANYTHING. If I was NEVER comfortable with that it would NOT happen. I’ve heard too much shit about people forcing themselves. Don’t.). I feel like it’s meant to be more of a set spectrum-this is where you fall. But it’s always been fluid for me if I’m repulsed or neutral or whatever. I think that’s okay.

I never had a sexual sort of relationship with that one guy, I was too young for starters and it was long distance. The sort of long distance you’d pass off as just kids being dumb and I’m sure I’d laugh about it now if it didn’t go so badly for me. So I don’t really think he hit me all that hard there. I don’t think my asexuality is influenced by that at all. I feel pretty confident actually. It took me awhile but I mean seeing Raphael from shadowhunters and just that little bit of representation, I felt pretty comfy wearing the label.

I mostly just tell people I’m bi if they ask or if I wish to share. The asexual part is more personal to me, less understood, I’m no less proud but people don’t quite get it a lot. It’s just. Not out there in the way homosexuality is or whatever. There’s always a lot of questions with saying you’re asexual and a lot of the time people don’t really care to understand correctly. Even people in the LGBT+ community don’t always fully understand. And it’s always good to teach and help people learn but it’s also a bit hard when people just leave you with a ‘I don’t really get that but nevermind, whatever.’ Because not having sex? People can understand that. Not experiencing sexual attraction? People think it’s a choice a lot, but people can also understand that. But then you bring into play the actually, some aces love sex! You’ve absolutely lost the person.

I can’t say for sure I would’ve understood either if I wasn’t ace, it seems perfectly understandable now but I did my research and all.

So if you think you’re demi and bi, that’s totally cool! You only experience sexual attraction with a strong emotional bond which doesn’t HAVE to be romantic, sometimes it’s a platonic relationship that’s gotten really strong. If you think you’re ace and bi! That’s also cool, identity buddies! No sexual attraction at all-but maybe you enjoy or will enjoy sex (I don’t know how old you are if you’re actually really young DON’T go there sdklhfsdhf).

I wish I could give you a straight forward answer like well you just-but unfortunately some of my history REALLY played into me figuring things out. If I was to give you advice, if you’re not entirely sure you’re on the ace spectrum at all, talk to a close allo person. It’s a little weird to say hey, what’s sexual attraction like for you? I wish I could point you in the direction of a post that details sexual attraction (I don’t know one but if anyone reading this does or has advice, please add to this!! we don’t all have really open friends that are chill with this topic shfdsf) but I don’t know any. Sometimes questions more like ‘do people really experience sexual attraction to strangers like in movies?’ are a little more comfortable but still weird if you’re not that close.

Also, if you’re young, don’t stress it. I know, or at least I’ve HEARD it sort of becomes a thing of interest when you start going into your teens, sometimes earlier I guess. But everyone’s still figuring things out at that age. And your friends are probably less open to talk about it. Not that it’s bad! I was so stressed to figure my identity out I didn’t realise I was making everything worse, it turns out giving it time and waiting was what I personally needed to do and I think not rushing the whole process is generally good advice. If you’re really struggling-take a step back. It’s not the end of the world if you can’t find a box to put yourself in comfortably. Labels AREN’T for everyone.

If you know you’re on the ace spectrum for sure but can’t figure out where-again, labels AREN’T everything. Maybe in time you’ll settle on something but if for now you just want to go yeah I’m not interested in sex-that’s totally cool! You don’t need an exact label to be valid. You can just say ‘somewhere on the ace spectrum’ or ‘questioning on the ace spectrum’, you don’t even have to be that specific. There’s uh, hm. What was it called. Here: http://wiki.asexuality.org/Main_Page I know I ended up on this site a lot when I was questioning things. Wondering about new identities. Haven’t been there in a while but maybe you’ll get something out of it if you haven’t seen it yet. You can also probably find sites on google that give you a bit of insight into what sexual attraction details if you’re unsure like I was (am).

I hope I answered your question somewhat, I’m coming back to the demi vs ace thing and if you’re wondering exactly that-ace is none, demi is sexual attraction after a strong emotional bond which is often a relationship. So maybe you’ve been dating a person for idk, say awhile and you really love this person then maybe you start to feel sexual attraction. That’s demi-I think anyway, it’s sort of hard to tell when you just haven’t felt that before skdfjsdf. Oh and also, like how I said if I realise I’m not ace but demi or whatever and that’s okay, it’s also okay vice versa. If you’re in a relationship and realise you’re definitely ace, not demi, that’s cool too! If the person isn’t willing to accept you as ace, that’s not really a relationship you want to be in.

There’s also this:

this helped me a lot identifying some things I was feeling? When I was trying to figure out sexual attraction I’m pretty sure I realised I’d been getting it confused with aesthetic attraction for awhile. I can’t remember exactly what this picture did for me but it DID make me realise SOMETHING important so I’ll just put it here anyway.

You think you were being long 😂 sorry for being EXTRA long.

ALSO I in NO WAY want to associate aro/ace with not being mentally okay. i KNOW that’s where I went when I was struggling but I’m mostly fine now and still identifying as ace and the aro was more there was no way I could emotionally open up to another relationship at the time. I simply mistook that. People that are ace or aro have NOTHING wrong with them. Just want to make that clear.

#thank you anon!! I hope this answers something #if you can be bothered reading it all sfhsdf #don't stress yourself out over it though like I did #fixating on it and panicking when you can't figure it out doesn't help you at all #take a step back and a deep breath and try it another time #the more you try to figure it out the harder it'll get if you're pushing yourself too much #i wish you the best of luck though #hope you find an identity you feel comfy with!!#and i'll absolutely support you no matter what you settle on or if you never settle on anything (:#Anonymous

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rhodesmystery · 5 years

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what is the rough timeline of natasha and charlie relationship? i love your fics and how its like little peeks into the development of it all and how it doesnt rely on them being together ll the time its lovely

HM HM HM okay let’s see... like i guess the thing is that ultimately is written for charlie and what i’ve done for natasha is being their own person is rly integral to them? like charlie grew up in a house where at any period of time, nine ppl were living under the same roof? like he didn’t have much time to himself that he literally upped and moved to romania lmfao. and natasha like, one day i’ll remember to post her family tree, but she’s in the same boat in a way, especially when her family moves from america full time. then she’s suddenly thrown into a household with all her extended family. they need to be their own people first, and i mean that independence does hurt communication and the needs of not just themselves but others as well and i guess that’s why i wrote the long walk for their relationship to finally find that point where they were like. yes. where their lines finally crossed over and stayed crossed over, instead of simply running parallel and sometimes moving in but barely touching?

this got long so under the cut

they do meet in first yr bc the game is LYING that such a SMALL CLASS POST-VOLDY wouldnt exist like a literal baby boom happens post voldy dying but the current kids around would honestly be rly small groups? hogwarts would be so EMPTY REAL TALK everyone also afraid to let their kids go to school

natasha asks for slytherin, should've been ravenclaw. much distress, and first yr in between running around with the vault of ice kind of finds her spending a lot of time in the towers and stuff. she likes high places.

this gonna sound bad but i dont rly remember much of the 1st yr of hphm apart from not sealing the vault properly, but anyway natasha and charlie were friends anyway that mattered and natasha wasn't a very good slytherin for befriending a gryffindor AND a weasley

second yr is kind of the time where she meets bill and like on the one hand is a little infatuated with him but they are rly good friends at the end of the day. she pulls away from charlie a bit bc of it but then again i figure around this stage charlie has started his crusade of entering the forest in some respects so like. he’s not even on the grounds half the time lbr. also, i dont remember much of this yr either a lot happened. but the ice knight was there.

third yr aka vault of fear! again, with the bs, i think natasha knew of everyone PRIOR to their intros and stuff so they’re all kind of good friends but ig this is also just my thing of like. small classes post war. even with the attempt at animosity between houses, especially post war, kids probably aren't going to do. that. and i know slytherin is all death eater kids basically but most of them are probably orphaned too by the end of the war. theyre all scared ANYWAY social circle expanding... idk this yr was a ride too i remember it a little bit more than the others ig. idk what happened here rly

OKAY SO FOURTH YEAR RIGHT that’s when it’s literally a year of dating charlie in game but whatever. so going from literally spending only classes together and maybe like the one christmas if bill and charlie stayed in the castle at the same time, natasha and charlie did talk and were friends but it was on the down low towards the end of third yr. until it wasn’t bc literally all the scheming to get into the forest and mr charlie ‘i asked my brother a million questions about you over the summer’ weasley just rolling up. and theyre in each others spaces A Lot which is kind of wild for the both of them considering they’re both from large families and personal space is A Thing™ they both really need but their friendship really deepens this year. they’re very honest with each other, and whilst bill is natasha’s best friend just because of how they click, her and charlie have this understanding between them that it’s hard to get between.

except fifth yr comes along and smacks everyone in the face. natasha finds out what puberty is over the summer, along with a prefect badge. charlie also has a bit of a growth spurt around this time, so they’re awkward and lanky around each other early on. natasha also dates myron wagtail during her fifth yr, as well as esther szohr and a couple of other ppl here and there. she’s all giggly and twirling hair and I'm so sorry charlie she just hasn’t noticed you at this stage. but it’s not rly a good year for her, mentally all around, so don’t feel too bad ig.

sixth yr she’s getting tired(er) and lightly dates other people as well. broke up with myron over the summer, and like. has started to see charlie in another light, kind of? but at the risk of ruining her friendship, madly writes to bill most of the time about ‘how do i get your brother to notice me????’ because communication is key and natasha doesn’t actually know what it is. she’s also named captain of slytherin quidditch team this yr, and well. ends up spending a ridiculous amount of time closer to charlie’s second great love. sees another side of him. swoons in the stands a lot. they kind of reignite their friendship as well, as it just politely simmered in the back. teach other spells. lots of touching with hands like no no wave like this... it’s very romantic and high strung and they’re dumb teenagers not sure what to do.

they mess it up over the summer between sixth and seventh yr tho. lots of kissing. some other stuff. natasha spends a bit of time with the weaselys before returning to hogwarts. hormones everywhere.

seventh year starts with them kind of tiptoeing around not knowing where they stand relationship wise, and they’re not!! good!! at talking!! so it’s like a big drawn out game of whispers to figure out who said what but it breaks off bad and natasha cries a lot and charlie feels awful too and they’re mopey and shit for a while. like they can’t be in each other’s spaces for a while that they kind of completely withdraw to their own houses sort of thing. eventually, with a few helpful nudges and stuff, they at least talk to each other but don’t know if the friendship is there. 99% sure penny was ready to amortentia the both of them to ‘fix things’ and also just to prove she could do it. also probably didnt help that barnaby and a few other slytherins jumped charlie and quidditch team as 1) for natasha but also 2) for quidditch and that also really prompts natasha and charlie to talk because they rly cant let ppl do it for them lol

same year still, but as things start to improve and they can somewhat pick up their old banter without getting sad, bill invites natasha over for xmas because he’s actually given it off. never mind that in between all this, natasha took to writing to myron again, which just. not nice natasha jfc. natasha and charlie enjoy an incredibly awkward trip back with some UST, kiss again in the spot where they pretty much shared their first kiss, refuse to talk about the kiss, natasha buys charlie a new wand, they try to talk about it but its mostly natasha apologising for being a brat.

theyre still not back ‘on’ though, and have some make outs in locker rooms anyway, to the both of their confusion. are they ever going to talk? no. UNTIL ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and natasha’s not good at words but she’s good at actions and yknow what? fk it. slytherin might’ve won the quidditch cup, but when she landed in the middle of the pitch, and charlie reached out to shake her hand, she grabbed the front of his uniform and pulled him in for a big damn kiss in front of literally everyone, cup in her other hand. she keeps a photo of it on her at all times after that.

i also have a fic I'm writing that was kind of before the celestial ball was announced where they organised kind of 7th yr graduation dance thing and it was going to be quiet and intimate kind of and natasha and charlie end up finishing the night together, falling asleep on a balcony and waking up with each other sort of thing lol

and that’s only ‘91. late ‘91 is when they separate for job opportunities. natasha goes to work at gringotts for a bit with bill, and charlie goes off to romania. they get a few weeks in of summer loving before, though, also post graduation celebration. but they write constantly and stuff. pursuing their own lives kind of starts to become a thing.

in ‘92, early they kind of make a vow to each other when they get a bit of time off and go to greece. its very romantic and a big step forward in commitment for them, as they don’t really see each other for the rest of the year. also, late 92 natasha starts working at durmstrang, which removes her even further from the stream of things.

early ‘93 is not a good time for charlie because of what happens to ginny and ron, so he’s not exactly in the best mindset as theres some self doubt at removing himself so much from his family, he cant be there so easily when they need him most. midway through ‘93, natasha gets attacked at durmstrang, and it takes ppl a while to actually find her. charlie spends a long ass time in st mungos beside her until she wakes up, and they reaffirm their feelings for each other when she does. natasha admits that she had called for charlie, being the last thought she had, and she creates the little runic stones for the both of them as a way of contacting each other, or just reminding them the other is there.

natasha returns to working in late ‘93, and in ‘94 they see each other again at the world cup. i know i said they took a break and ig they did but its easy for them to flirt dumbly until things go to shit with death eaters. until they punch one! and later on natasha is brought in as hired help to tutor the students brought to hogwarts, but because her ‘inside knowledge’ of the school is valuable. her and charlie hook meet up quite a bit when he’s present for the first task. also because she’s hanging around for the entire year, she is there for the yule ball and stuff. lots of writing to charlie like do you remember when we danced? so romantic.

idk what happens in ‘95. i haven't planned anything. same for ‘96. short of natasha going to romania to visit charlie a few times, and how her work ends up bringing her into the ministry a bit. its not the same kind of cooling off as hogwarts where they question the relationship, but apart from letters they dont really see each other.

in 97 however!!!!! bill and fleur’s wedding and like. they spent a bit of time apart again, so natasha puts on her best to impress her boy. and charlie wants to propose but also because he’s totally smitten by the idea of making it real between them as a proposal via ribbon only does so much lmfao. and they get interrupted! and separated for quite some time actually. natasha ultimately returns to her family, for the larger part of 97 she's working with them as they deal with the fact her grandfather made a deal with death eaters, and that her ancient family history is coming back to bite them in the ass. like i know in the books they say charlie went around recruiting foreign wizards but thats so HANDWAVEY of jkr yknow? granted she never rly sounded like she knew what to do with charlie apart from shipping him off to romania. I'm sure he went to romania like YO we cant let this happen come with me when it mattered, but you’ll have to fight me to convince me he wasn't with his family for a large part of the story, and that he wasn't doing underground work and stuff in the mean time (you can’t change my mind)

in 98 though everything goes to hell for natasha’s family and she, in a moment of panic, calls for charlie. and he literally runs to her, and they both nearly die for it, but like he finally sucks up the courage to ask her, for realsies, if she would marry him. its been like 10yrs of will they wont they for them and only so many bets can be placed.

they get married late 98, and i know i never quite decided on smth big or intimate, but i think i’m happy with a ‘they had a big damn wedding and it was ridiculously opulent and flowery for autumn where you would’ve thought it was spring sort of thing. or maybe even something blissfully wintery. they’ve moved out of their summer romance phase, where it only came around for a few weeks at a time. relationship development.

DO THEY HAVE KIDS I CANT DECIDE i guess the eldest would be born some time in 99? and then from there a general progression lmfao but YEAH

also in regards to like the celestial ball i understand why the canon characters weren’t involved, but i’m just smad. barnaby was rly cute though so... THERE YOU HAVE IT ANYWAY

#*replies #*natasha #hphm #charlie weasley #LONG POST #SORRY #Anonymous

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findsomeoneelse · 5 years

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This might be a very angsty thing to say but I kind of legit hate my dad. He complains all the time that my brother (who i think probably has depression or something rn) and I don’t help him around the house but 1) when we do he’s a huge asshole, literally calls me retarded all the time bc he’ll verbally tell me like 10 things in a row to do and my ADD ass can’t remember it like that and he often threatens me as well (and there have been incidents with physical violence between him and me). 2) gives us the most useless and asinine tasks i.e. vacuuming a BRICK PATIO or WASHING ROCKS. 3) will ask us when it’s convenient for HIM, my brother and I are 20 and 21 and have either a job or school and for a while I was doing both. 4) he is NEVER satisfied no matter how much we do.

And concerning the physical violence shit I have so much pent up feelings about it. As far as I know he’s never come after my brother like that. He may have hit my mom before but I’m not sure. I just know that once they got into a bad argument or something bc he was being really loud bc of a football game and then suddenly my mom was crying (she doesn’t cry a lot) grabbed us kids and went to our grandma’s. He’s also kicked every dog we’ve ever had, literally drop kicked one through a small tree bc it chewed the blinds and then left him outside to run away while he took off to who knows where to sulk. But my point is he has NEVER treated my brother the way he has treated me and it shows. My brother gets away with avoiding so much work and a fuck-ton of lying. My dad almost never invades his space or commandeers his stuff. I’ve almost failed several big school projects in the past bc he’d randomly decide to punish me or that his stupid yard work was more important and that it was my fault for not accounting for his random chores.

I literally keep a bug-out bag in my car and a knife by my bed bc of him. I spent my entire junior and senior years of high school with a stomach ache every single day and horrible insomnia from anxiety bc if he wasn’t threatening me with violence he was talking about kicking me out of the house for no real reason. His response to my worsening mental health was to make jokes or just ignore me when I managed to finally muster up the determination to say something. If my mom hadn’t taken action and helped me get help I’d most likely be dead now. I’m still trying to rebuild my self esteem that he destroyed. Then years after I was on medication (that he was opposed to and mocked, my mom was the only one on top of that) and doing better he had the fucking audacity to ask me about how I was doing. Me being like 16 yrs old I lacked the vocab to say that I feel that he forfeited the right to ask me those things so I just shrugged it off.

He insults and mocks every friend I have in some way shape or form. He also once told me that some older friends I was extremely close to at the time would eventually get tired of hanging out with an annoying little kid so I should get used to them not being around bc they would leave me. I mean he was right about that, and they were pretty toxic for me but that was really fucked up and I’ll never forget it.

I finally have a good romantic relationship now, with a boy surprisingly, and he’s so sweet to me. Every time he tells me anything remotely kind I almost fucking cry bc I immediately assume he’s lying or somehow delusional. We had our first sort of disagreement, it wasn’t even that big a deal he had just made a few jokes that had upset me, but I was so terrified to bring it up and was so ready for a fight that when he simply apologized for his behavior and promised to correct it I immediately broke down in tears of relief. I’m so terrified for him to meet my dad bc I don’t want him to belittle and invalidate us, or try and take away all our privacy in a weird attempt at policing my sexuality (he has tried something like this in the past with my brother). I’m also so scared my boyfriend will just assume my dad is a normal nice guy and that I’m crazy, bc my dad is good at appearances. We’re well-off but honestly the only reason my brother and I ever see any of that money is bc of our mom, she handles the finances (and p much everything else around here).

That’s another thing I hate is that bc I turned out okay everyone assumes he must be a good parent. I had to work so fucking hard to become who I am now DESPITE him NOT because of him. I had to work so hard to become a kinder person, and learn to motivate, comfort, advocate, take care of myself. I’m an intelligent person (at least i’ve been told I am) bc I work to teach myself, both in school and life. I had to learn all my emotional intelligence and social skills myself. I’m working to make my life good and full of the love I never felt from him and to a slightly lesser extent my mom. I’m still working at it. Which is why I’m just as afraid that he’ll be accepting of my relationship and be “proud” or whatever. Thinking he raised a confident and smart daughter. That he has any right to be a voyeur to my happiness or take any credit for it.

I work hard so work through so many issues he caused in me on my own. I work so hard to keep myself from sabotaging my current relationship bc I feel unworthy or like it will just vanish. I still can’t fully grasp that this boy could genuinely like me and feel like I’m worthy of his time and effort bc of how stupid and ugly my dad has made me feel my entire life. I have so many things I want to tell my SO but in the moment feel like I physically cannot get the words out for fear of looking stupid when he finally leaves me. I still have so many walls up with him and I really don’t want to but I can’t get them down bc I’m so fucking scared despite all the evidence he’s given me that he cares about me and just wants to know me. It’s honestly incredible how just having someone like him has changed me for the better. He makes me feel smart and capable, like I can have the life I want. He doesn’t see any of the shit my dad seems to see in me and hate. Like fuck the fact that I only seemed to need one stable and loving relationship in my life to succeed really says something I think.

I hate feeling like I can’t talk to my own parents, well mostly my mom, but they really make it impossible. My dad bc you never know what will piss him off or if he even gives a shit and my mom bc she will probably tell him whatever you tell her. I have other adults, my aunt (my mom’s older sister) and uncle (tho he’s a newer addition to the family, they married last year.) but I’m so scared to talk to them in case they slip up and let stuff slip to my parents. My aunt also just doesn’t Get a lot of things like mental illness so she can invalidate ppl and be mean. She does encourage me a lot tho, more than my parents EVER have.

My SO doesn’t have much of an idea of my relationship w my family other than it seems strained and we barely talk despite all living together. He sometimes half-jokingly tells me I should spend more time with them or make an effort too, and I don’t tell him that I’m not the one who fucked that up for us. I try not to talk about any of this with him yet, and I honestly don’t know when a good time is or how to go about it. He’s gotten little hints here and there before I change the subject. He has a relatively big family that he regularly spends time with, so I don’t know if he’d understand all this. His dad is a little similar to mine in the sense that he always seems to have weird projects around the house that he drags them into but it doesn’t seem like he’s violent. I honestly don’t know what to say about the physical abuse. I’m so scared of how he’ll react. I’m scared he’ll brush it off, I’m scared he’ll get super concerned or angry for me. I just don’t want it to change how he sees me. People seem to get the impression that I’m confident and that I don’t take shit, and it makes me feel so embarrassed that I let myself be pushed around by my dad.

If anyone actually reads this post and has suggestions for talking to an SO about this stuff (especially in the case of an abuser being good at manipulation/gas lighting) let me know any suggestions you have. I thought by this point in this rant I’d have some sort of clarity but I don’t really. My dad has been slightly better the last year or so, since we moved to a new house that’s bigger and we’re on opposite sides of it. After one of his worst outbursts (at the beginning of my senior year) I gave him a book about male abuse in an attempt at confrontation but I doubt he read it. He’s been better but I can’t let go of all these feelings. Older people tell me that eventually I’ll forgive him and move on but I honestly don’t want to. I don’t want him to just get away with treating us like garbage. Maybe that makes me petty and childish but I am barely 20 so. It be like that. Might make a separate post about my brother might not. I love him but dudes got issues rn.

#personal rant #family drama #don't read if you dont want to #long post

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dancedance-resolution · 3 years

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please do not reblog, this is just a personal little note

i’m really happy with how therapy went today

it was my fourth session with my new therapist. i think i like her a lot.

conversations with my new therapist feel a lot more natural than with the old one.

with her, i don’t feel the same sort of pressure that i did with my last therapist. my last therapist gave me extremely rigidly professional vibes. and this new therapist is still appropriately professional of course, but she’s also more casual. she always opens every session with a funny anecdote about her kids, and then sort of uses that as a segue to get me to share something similar, and then based on what i share, she asks a lot of questions that lead us to dive deeper.

conversely, my old therapist always followed a strict script. she first asked me to rate my mood on a scale of 1 to 10 (which i hated doing, because i never knew what my mood actually was other than “vaguely in the middle i suspect question mark”) (thank you alexythemia, lol). then she always asked “is there anything you want to talk about today.” and i would always shake my head no, because the question is too broad to know how to respond. and that’s something my mom and i actually worked on together - starting around age 17, before each session, we’d written down stuff i should mention. but i was rarely able to say the stuff i had prepared, because i couldn’t get myself to say the words (autism symptom maybe? idk). it’s a lot easier for me to talk when i have a narrow, specific question to answer, and if the other person has been talking for a bit before they expect me to talk. and my new therapist does both of these things

and i like that this new therapist is a bit similar to me. she’s fat. she doesn’t wear make up. she was raised catholic. oh, and she has visible tattoos - which i don’t have, but my point here is that she’s not the stereotypical picture of Health Professional. and she knows a lot more about adhd than my old therapist did, and she knows slightly more about autism than my old therapist did (which was Absolutely Nothing, lol).

also, i think that this change in therapists was necessary. i was with my old therapist for 5 years. i started seeing her when i was 14. she had a very specific perception of me based on how i was when she first met me at 14 - a perception which tainted the way she responded to my current problems. and that wasn’t a good thing for me, because my outlook on life and self-understanding have changed a lot since i was 14, in ways that i never was able to articulate to her properly. plus, i was always anxious to reveal anything new to her. like i was afraid she’d get upset if one day i was like, “hey bestie, i know i’ve been seeing you for 5 years already, but i’m just now going to bring up the fact that i’ve had issues with compulsively lying to my father since age 7 uwu.” (i know it’s irrational to fear “failing therapy”, but also, it’s not as irrational as it sounds. because when i was 18, my mom revealed to the therapist that i’ve always been the type of person to cry at the tip of a hat, and my therapist seemed kind of taken aback and frustrated that i never told that to her. and yeah, it is understandable that that would frustrate her, but it unintentionally made me feel really guilty and bad.)

also, this therapist definitely treats me like an adult more than the other one did. i think maybe my old therapist was still stuck on seeing me as that initial terrified 14-year-old. whereas this therapist gives me a lot more agency and has more trust in me to know myself and my needs. our sessions do follow somewhat of a routine, but it’s a routine we worked out together over the course of the first 3 sessions when she was trying to figure out how to make things comfortable for me. (example - at the first session, she asked me what i want out of therapy, and i said, “i don’t know.” she took me at my word, and she didn’t shame me for it. and i think that that experience sorta taught her that she needs to be more specific when asking me questions.)

i also like she’s very open with me about her perception of me. like, today, i told her about how i started crying when a staff member from my community college called me to confirm that i’d cancelled my classes for this summer semester. and my therapist expressed some surprise that i cried because [paraphrasing] “you always seem very put together and articulate during our sessions. sometimes i’m able to hear anxiety in your tone of voice about certain topics, but for the most part, you always seem very emotionally grounded during our sessions.” and her honesty gave us an opportunity to talk about masking. (also, i appreciate knowing that she can hear anxiety in my voice, because i had no idea that was a thing?? like i know you can hear when someone’s voice gets high-pitched and breaks like they’re gonna cry, but i‘ve never done that during one of our sessions? lol, so i guess this is a little fun fact i’ve learned about neurotypicals, that they can detect anxiety in ppl’s voices even if they’re not obviously on the brink of tears lol.)

a few specific things that happened at today’s session that were good:

when i talked about my sleep issues, she actually brought the conversation in a direction i hadn’t expected - she started asking if i’m putting too much pressure on myself regarding productivity. my initial answer was no - i unenrolled from my summer classes. i don’t have a part time job. i don’t have any traditional responsibilities. but upon discussing it, we kinda figured out that i am putting a lot of pressure on myself to enjoy the summer, because i have this sort of doomsday mindset of This Is My Last Summer Break Before I Have To Work Full-Time So I Must Take Advantage Of Every Moment To Enjoy Myself. and that’s unreasonable - it’s a pandemic, i’m recovering from bad burn out, and i’m trying to adjust to new meds. she actually said a lot of things about bodily consent and stuff that i’d already read in the book laziness does not exist, so it was sort of like affirmation and emphasis that those concepts are good, valid, and applicable to me.

she gave me some reassurance regarding my summer schedule. my alarm goes off at 6:20 every weekday morning so i can attend mass. (i’m an atheist, but the structure is very good for me.) but i’ve had some concerns that maybe waking up so early is unhealthy and also contributing to my sleep issues (i unintentionally wake up around 4 almost every morning, and i started to wonder if maybe that’s because my internal clock is anticipating waking up at 6:20). we discussed the pros and cons of waking up for mass in the morning, and she gave me her opinion that this schedule is probably good for me (she agreed with my pro/con assessment). and she also pointed out that i woke up at 6 every morning throughout high school without as much sleep issues, so it’s more likely that the sleep issues are from anxiety. (and i’m going on anxiety meds starting in early july, so we’re hopeful that that will help that a bit.) so yeah, i feel better about my mass schedule, and i feel reassurance that this is a reasonable and good plan. she also said that she was very proud that i had not only the idea to use morning mass as a source of structure but also the discipline to go every morning despite the early hour and despite the fact that i have no external force forcing me to go 🥺 which was nice to hear, because over years of having undiagnosed adhd, i received a lot of messaging that i lack self-discipline, so i was glad to hear the validation that she thinks i’m a disciplined person (at least regarding mass, lol)

we talked about my summer goals, and we talked about possible sources of non-stressful accountability. the current flexible plan is that i’ll keep track of everything i accomplish from that goal list and then share it with her at the end of each session so we can workshop what went well, why it went well, what i’m struggling with, and how i could maybe work through those things better.

i still feel very anxious about this whole therapy thing (i’m still very scared that i’m doing it wrong and not saying the right things), but i felt especially good after today’s session. like, i’ve been in therapy for 5 years. i felt like i plateaued in progress a while ago, so i’m really happy that i managed to get something out of today’s session!!!!! that hasn’t happened in so so long (low key if ever…..).

also. IM PROUD OF MYSELF for sharing stuff with her, correcting her when she misinterpreted one thing i said, and having a positive attitude about how today went 😎. and i’m proud of myself for fending off feelings of guilt that i spent so long typing this out (it’s not wasted time, because it’s helping me process what happened today), and i’m proud that i’m in a place where i’m open to going on anxiety meds.

my life is still a mess. i had a fun little breakdown not even an hour before the therapy session, in fact! but i’ve made some significant progress over these few months - i started meds, i switched therapists, and i started (and am sticking to) a new daily routine. and i had the courage to prioritize my health and cancel my summer semester classes, which was a really hard decision for me! oh, and i also finally published that smutty crucible fic that’s been in my wip folder for over a year!

my mental health is still extremely poor, lol. in fact, one could argue that i’ve regressed in many ways. but guess what bitch!! i don’t have skooter ankle ideation, and also, generally? IM MAKING PROGRESS. that’s what counts. i’m very happy about that, and i’m very proud of myself for that.

#personal #long post #very long post

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loumauve · 6 years

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@aimofdestiny tagged me

long ass, rambly response under the cut:

1. Are there any tropes you’d like to see more of in pro fic (aka… traditionally published books)? If so, which ones?

tbh, I haven’t really picked up any books lately. whenever I feel like reading I feel like a v specific set of characters and setup, and fanfic is perfect for that while traditionally published fiction is not.. but ??tropes?? idk. are they all tropes? who ever cares. STUFFS I love include:

COFFEE SHOP/BOOK STORE AUs (geonncannon has some p cool published fiction with similar content; also Ferry Tale... dudes and dudettes... pls read that. I know I say that every year but I really do mean it), CROSSOVERS of any kind, when I feel sentimental SOULMATE AUs (but mostly the less traditional ones. like.. friend soulmates are v cool too), anything SUPERNATURAL like GHOSTS!! or vampires/werewolves (teenage me was v into those and sometimes still gets to run around and play), ANYTHING KINDA TWISTED AND MESSED UP tbh (don’t ask me to explain that pls omg.. imagine dub-con, ppl fucking themselves up bc they’re messed up and need years of therapy, all of that. I’m a terrible person, lol....but then also THE HEALING PROCESS!!!), if done right - PIRATE AUs, ANYTHING POST-APOCALYPTIC, PRETEND RELATIONSHIPS (wherein all parties harbour feelings for the other(s) but think they oughta keep it to themselves), HURT-COMFORT (of course! I mean.. you get it, right??!?), REINCARNATION (esp the kind where it takes them a looooong time to get it right, and they keep DYING and messing it up and killing each other time and again... I just love it all. make it hurt, lol), TIME TRAVEL (again, IF DONE RIGHT), ANDROIDS/ROBOTS with self-awareness and feelings, anything to do with SPACE and travel therein, FOUND FAMILIES!!!

tldr: all of them, but mostly the above.

2. What art and/or craft would you like to pick up but haven’t for whatever reason?

anything I’m into and haven’t picked up is bc I tried it once, wasn’t good at it right away and promptly decided to give up on it, lol but if we’re talking as if I could do it, and do it well - hm.. I guess I’d love to be better at building things from scratch (think furniture, houses, the like) and also engineering abilities... I admire people who can do that shit and make sth cool, even if it’s shitty robots (SIMONE, YOU PERFECT JELLY BEAN - ILY)

3. What is your favourite cold/iced beverage?

there’s this one non-alcoholic cocktail... Mosquito I think? that’s p dope. but if we’re going all basic then it’s prob a tie between vanilla coke and cocoa idk

4. What is your preferred spice level? How hot is too hot for, idk, chili or curry or hot sauce or wasabi?

look, I so pale... I like spicy foods, but my body hates them. and they make my mouth burn and my eyes water and it’s nice when I’m sick, but otherwise I think I’m prob p bland in my choices of spice. the whole stereotype of white ppl and pepper+salt being their only spices doesn’t exist without reason, lol. I wish I could tolerate them more, bc I like chili and curry and loads of pepper, but it just hurts and I’m all about keeping my body (and asthma) on safe levels.

5. Rec me a youtube channel you like. Can be anything. Go on, I know you have a fave.

FUCK!! don’t make me pick, you jerk! I’ll give you a few options, cool? cool!

Kati Morton - for mental health stuff and just having a caring person talk about stuffs Peter Draws - bc he does what he says and he’s a p cool, p weird guy but he also cares about you and wants you to do you, and I dig that. (also his voice is super calming and sometimes I watch his stuff so I can doze off when I’m having a hard time falling asleep) Cooking with Sros // Rural Life (I think that’s where I first started watching her videos) - bc it’s calming to watch her cook super neat dishes that are traditional where she lives (also - sometimes she walks around in her garden and just PICKS STUFF UP bc IT GROWS THERE and I just think that’s the coolest bc you couldn’t even get some of those ingredients here, so like... that’s an entirely different thing I’ll prob never know enough about Simone Giertz - bc she’s awesome and so FUNNY!! and cute and awkward and hella smart, and... before the whole brain tumor thing I would have said I’d love to have a peek around in her brain, but now.. if all goes well she’ll have an actual picture of it to look at, and maybe it’s not cool to be excited for her..?? but yeah, she builds stuff WITH HER OWN TWO HANDS, and she has to know SO MUCH to do it, and just... DAMN CRUSH MATERIAL right there. like, I’m so weak. but also I just want her to have everything. I want her to be able to do to space. fuck

6. Do you keep mementos of old relationships? Why/why not?

HAH! FUCK. I do. have. will? sometimes I ask myself why I keep them and don’t just burn them or whatever (throwing them away wouldn’t be nearly cathartic enough an experience for me), and maybe this is still the grieving part of me that’s looking to haunt itself? idk

all I know is that so far I’ve kept letters. I’ve kept hoodies. and.. idk what I kept out of that one relationship.... can’t remember atm, but that one hurt far too much to keep a lot of reminders around.

7. What sort of music do you put on when you do chores, like dishes or laundry?

my go-to song used to be Eye of the Tiger, but these days it’s mostly podcasts or the music of the mood/day/week (those songs you listen to on repeat for hours after you’ve (re)found them.)

8. Is there any scent you particularly love? Which one?

it used to be musk, like.. those scented burning sticks..(that’s prob not the right English name for them, lol) but I guess... the good rain smell maybe? (not the bad smells-like-snails-and-slugs-and-dead-worms rain smell). also some roses and some paeonies.. I’m picky tho. and forever fave LAVENDER

9. Do you like to cook? What’s your signature dish?

I do, actually. when my kitchen doesn’t look like shit bc my emotional state and therefore life has derailed

and eh.. it’s like a paprika bellpepper tomato soup.. with salami and feta cheese and sometimes corn, sometimes rice, sometimes minced meat. always depends on the mood and what I have lying around. not so much a signature dish as it is what I make most often, mostly for myself.

10. What’s your fave ice cream flavour that you can’t get in most places?

it’s gained in popularity, but - after-eight. for sure. anything minty with chocolate is amazing to me.

11. What’s your current favourite outfit?

uhm.. I don’t really have favourite outfits, I just have favourite articles of clothing (THEY’RE MY FAVOURITES. THEY’RE ALL MY FAVOURITES. ALL OF THEM) and I tend to mash them together without a care in the world... well, mostly I care about temperatures and sun exposure bc I burn like a crisp in the sun, it’s not pretty.

but lately I’ve been wearing the european tour shirt from the My Favorite Murder live show bc I WAS THERE AND IT WAS THEEEEE SINGULAR BEST THING OF THE YEAR (aside from getting through my final exams). also, I love my old pair of Chucks, the blue leather kind, and the soles are falling apart and it’s all kinds of battered and worn out, but I love them. they make me happy. also there’s some striped black and white socks and some white dotted black underwear and some super comfortable black shorts. but what really is just LOVE still. and prob always. until death do us part - I have this super soft, super floofy, sways around in the wind, lets all the wind through the knitted structures of it, blue-ish, button-able long swishy swooshy ...jacket? apparently it’s called a cardigan, AND YES I HAD TO GOOGLE THAT. I DON’T KNOW THINGS!! JEEZ LOUISE

#meme thingie #aimofdestiny #not tagging ppl bc I'm tired and I need to sleep and it's only 7:30 but you can bet your ass I'll be lying down in a sec despite the sun #hope this satisfies your curiosity Aim

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sonyasongwriter · 6 years

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John 8:36“If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.”

Christ Jesus came to this world pre-ordained by God The Father To set the Captives be set free The only way to Our Father God is by way of the son Christ Jesus. Without Christ Jesus there can be no deliverance daily we are to ask the Lord to deliver us from self and lustful desires of this world amen

Galatians 5:17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.

*AFFLICTED AND ADDICTED SEVERELY*

This was me 15 YEARS AGO until one morning I woke up with the Bible on my on my bosom opened to Psalms 116 laying flat on my back my arms folded across my bible across my and feet crossed as someone had laid me in that position. (peacefully resting) My entire living room destroyed as if there had been a brawl of several ppl But in fact it of from the struggle of my self and the supernatural unseen entities that manifest this particular night. I was severely afflicted and addicted on the path to self destruction a path that was leading me directly in the mouth of hell had not the Lord answered just in the nick of time. The grip of death had taken hold of me but Lord himself apprehended the Strong man within me removing It. For it had me bound had come to take my life that night all my warnings and chances had ran out expired

*THE ENEMY BECKONING GOD TO REMOVE HEDGE OF PROTECTION* Mocking my Condition asking God for my life

I was drinking alone util the last drop as usual I found myself standing in front of the bathroom mirror I found myself holding the Bible in my left hand In my right hand I was holding a bottle of VSOP Brandy

That is when the entire atmosphere changed and things shifted instantly It went from these entities mocking and questioning God To remove hedge of protection from me turn me over to a reprobate I leaned in towards the mirror and saw 2 pure black balls eyes They where looking back at me filled with intense hatred

I was very frightened at this point I dropped the bottle and the bible That is when the physical realm around me opened up as portal And the hounds of hell where able to manifest themselves.

*THE SUPERNATURAL MANIFESTED INTO THE NATURAL*

I DID EXPERIENCE THIS AND IT IS HORRIFYING WITH ONLY A LITTLE BREATH DURING THIS DESPERATE SUPERNATURAL STRUGGLE SOMETHING OUT OF A TV MOVIE IT WAS. I WAS AWARE THAT SOMETHING WAS INSIDE OF ME UNTIL THIS NIGHT THIS DEMON WAS VERY ANGRY IT TOOK OVER MY LIMBS COMPLETELY AND MY VOICE

I HAD VERY LITTLE STRENGTH DO ANYTHING I WAS BEING TOSSED ALL AROUND LIKE A RAG DOLL . AS I TRIED TO SCREAM FOR HELP IN MY NATURAL GOD GIVEN VOICE THE VOICE OF THIS DEMOM WOULD SPEAK AND SILENCE ME I COULD FEEL A GRIP A STRONG GRIP AROUND MY THROAT CHOKING THE LIFE OUT OF ME.

I KNEW ENOUGH TO TO CALL ON THE NAME OF AND I DID AND INSTANTLY IN DESPERATION IN COMPLETE FEAR I SCREAMED OUT "JESUS HELP ME" AND INSTANTLY THE ATMOSPHERE CHANGED.

*THE LORD GOD HIMSELF REBUKED SATAN FOR ME* He Rebuked The Devour For My Sake Supernaturally Spiritual Realm, Dimensions, The Supernatural

Last thing I remember was seeing I was on my stomach like a snake moving Still being slung around all over the place multiple things going on at once During all this activity I had been trying to free myself of these entities but I could not up until the point when I called on the Name of Jesus!

A HOST OF BEINGS THAT WHERE NOT OF THIS EARTH I HAD NEVER SEEN PEOPLE THAT LOOK LIKE THIS EVER ( ANGELS ) 2 OF THEM TO BE EXACT Fierce looking body built much stronger than a human body These supernatural beings where at least 10 ft tall or more in statue (Giants) Their color was that of a pale grayish clay pale color with should length hair Why I was allowed to see this and live to tell of it I did not know then but I now know why.

I saw dragging a black figure one on each side and this thing on it's knees Attempting to resist but it could because the had it bound in chains Later on as years went by I began to study on this type of thing and the Holy Spirit revealed to me that this thing had manifest out of another dimension between the 3rd and 4th dimension.

Portals had Opened up doors that had been opened in my life Allowed for this evil spirits to take possession of my physical body Excessive Alcohol Use , Witchcraft that had been sent to me, And the absence of God in my life and Generational Curses.

You see I would have surely died that night after what seemed forever of fighting with these evil spirits for my life from being physically choked and tossed around like weightless rag doll . Tormented manifestations of all sorts until I had given up only thing I knew to do was call on the name of Jesus with all my energy and might !

You see The Lord had enough of me and my wicked filthy drinking My strong hold was not men, not money, not jealousy , not homosexuality Not Whorish ways. But rather the strong that had me bound sucking the life out of me was alcohol and the sprits attached to it low self esteem, no self worth, rejection, depression & witchcraft (please do some research on why alcohol is called "Spirits"

I WILL FOREVER BE IN THE DEBTED TO CHRIST JESUS FOR NOT ALLOWING SATAN TO REMOVE ME FROM MY FAMILY AT THE AGE OF 33 BUT RATHER UNDENIABLY ADDED YEARS TO MY LIFE THIS I KNOW WITHOUT A DROP OF DOUBT.

*WARNING TO THE MOCKERS & UNBELIEVERS* Those Who Mock The Supernatural Power Of God

MANY OF MAY BE LAUGHING RIGHT ABOUT NOW BUT THAT'S ALRIGHT I'M FREE, FREE ENOUGH TO SHARE MY TESTIMONY WITH YOU AND NOT BE ASHAMED OR CARE WHAT MANY WILL THINK INCLUDING RELIGIOUS PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE NOT IN THIS TYPE OF THING YOU SEE WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW IS THAT THE LACK OF KNOWLEDGE TO THIS TYPE OF THING IS SETTING MANY UP FOR FAILURE EVEN DEATH

MANY OF YOU ARE HOST TO THESE ENTITIES AND DON'T EVEN KNOW IT WICKED EVIL SPRITS THAT HAVE BEEN SENT BY GENERATIONAL CURSES, WITCHCRAFT , EXCESSIVE WILLFULLY SINNING JESUS HIMSELF REBUKED SATAN FOR ME INSTANTLY YES HE DID AS I SIT AND WRITE ABOUT IT TEARS FLOW FROM MY EYES STILL TODAY HE WILL DO THE SAME FOR YOU TODAY IF YOU SINCERELY CALL UPON THE NAME OF JESUS.

THE WORD OF GOD SAYS MY PEOPLE PERISH FOR THE LACK OF KNOWLEDGE, ROOT WORD OF KNOWLEDGE IS (KNOW) HOW WILL YOU KNOW IF GOD HIMSELF DOES NOT REVEAL IT TO YOU THE WISDOM OF GOD IS UNLIKE THE WISDOM OF THIS WORLD FOR IT REVEALS REVELATION AND REVELATION REVEALS ALL THING SEEN AND UNSEEN.

PROVERBS 29:18 Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint; but blessed is the one who heeds wisdom's instruction

HOSEA 4:6 6 My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.

*FINAL WARNING BEFORE DESTRUCTION* few days prior to deliverance

In my sinful state 1 week prior to the night of this horrible manifestation I heard the Voice of authority God speak to me and tell me in a clear voice I'M GOING KILL YOU IF YOU DON'T STOP DOING WHAT YOU ARE DOING "BEING A FILTHY DRUNKARD "

I WAS WARNED BY THIS VOICE IT WAS NOT THE VOICE OF SATAN FOR SATAN WANTED TO SIFT ME LIKE WHEAT AND WAS PREPARED TO FINISH ME OFF WARNING ME NO NEVER SATAN. PLEASE DON'T TRY TO PERSUADE ME THAT GOD WILL NOT SPEAK TO YOU DIRECTLY AND CLEARLY AND TELL YOU YOUR TIME IS ALMOST UP FOR I KNOW ALL TO WELL MYSELF FROM EXPERIENCE.

*DENIAL OF ALCOHOL ADDICTION THAT LEAD TO POSSESSION* Of My Physical & Mental , Mind Control A puppet of satan They Are called The Manipulated Walking Dead

LYING TO MYSELF SAYING I WAS STRESSED AND DEPRESSED EXCUSES OF A BAD MARRIAGE ONE THAT CHRIST DID NOT EXIST IN USING THOSE EXCUSES TO DRINK 24/7 EVERY DAY ALL DAY AND NIGHT I WAS ALWAYS A PERSON OF DEEP COMPASSION TOWARDS OTHERS. EVEN THOUGH I WAS A FITHLY DRUNKARD I LOVED CARED FOR PEOPLE

ABOUT 4 WEEKS BEFORE THE ONSET OF ALL THIS ACTIVITY I TOOK IN A PERSON WHO HAD AIDS AND HAD NO WHERE TO GO

NO-ONE ELSE WANTED TO CARE FOR THIS PERSON AND SHUNNED THEM MY COMPASSION ALLOWED FOR ME TO REACH OUT TO THEM

I BATHE AND SPOON FED THE PERSON THEIR HEALTH WAS FAILING SOMEHOW UNAWARE I NURSED THEM BACK TO HEALTH THEY COULD NOT EVEN LIFT A SPOON TO FEED THEIR SELF .

NOW THAT I LOOK BACK ON IT MAYBE THAT PERSON WAS TEST

CAME TO ME IN THE FORM OF HUMAN BUT WITH TEST YOU SEE I DO LOOK BACK ON IT ALL AND I DO BELIEVE TODAY IF I HAD REJECTED

THEM MAYBE GOD WOULD HAVE REJECTED ME AND NOT GIVEN ME THAT FINAL WARNING & COMPASSION FOR I COULD NOT HELP MYSELF AT ALL AS THIS PERSON COULD NOT DO FOR THEMSELVES.

WHEN I LOOK BACK I CAN HONESTLY SAY I BELIEVE BECAUSE OF MY COMPASSION TOWARDS MY FELLOWMAN (HUMANITY) THE LORD GOD HAD MERCY AND COMPASSION ON ME .

AT THE TIME I DID NOT SEE IT THAT WAY I WAS SIMPLY OVERWHELMED BY THE SUFFERING OF THIS PERSON IT WAS TO MUCH TO BARE I HAD TO DO SOMETHING I DID AND IN RETURN GOD GAVE ME A SUPERNATURAL MIRCLE WITH SUPERNATURAL BEINGS THAT CAME TO MY RESCUE

I DID THIS ACT OF KINDNESS EVEN IN MY SINFUL STATE OF MIND I WAS NOT LOOKING FOR ANY REWARD OR ANY PAY OR RECONNECTION AT ALL THIS WAS MY CHARACTER I ALWAYS WENT OUT OF MY WAY TO HELP THOSE WHO WHERE HURTING .

I NOW REALZE THAT GOD HAD TO PROVE TO SATAN WHAT TYPE OF PERSON IT WAS THAT HE HAD BOUND IN BONDAGE I WAS WONDERING WHY GOD DELIVERED ME INSTANTLY LIKE HE DID BUT NOW I KNOW. LOVE AND COMPASSION ABOVE ALL THINGS PLEASES GOD GOD IS LOVE AND LOVE IS GOD AMEN. (do not take love thy neighbor lightly or in vain amen

I WAS BEAUTIFUL ON THE OUTSIDE WELL KEPT IN APPEARANCE ETC... BUT FILTHY AND POSSESSED ON THE INSIDE LIVING WITH DEMONS LORD JESUS JUST TO THINK ABOUT IT I SHAKE MY HEAD IN TEARS IN TEARS OF JOY STILL UNTIL THIS DAY AND THIS WAS 15 YEARS AGO

You see I was messed up inside out tore up from the floor up! See what had taken over me had possessed me completely! Alcohol 24/7 Morning,Noon,Night You see God Spared me from death To 1.Many Times ! DWI headed straight on for 18 wheeler 2.Intoxicated driving the Lord took me away from the city in a direction In an open field In A Brand New vehicle going no where straight to hell !

* FINAL WARNING BEFORE DESTRUCTION* few days prior to deliverance 1 WEEK PRIOR TO THIS HORRIBLE MANIFESTATION AND GREAT DELIVERANCE I had wanted alcohol so bad one night got up out my bed in my pajamas And went to a bar there in Houston Tx Blalock Street to be exact I was only a few minutes from my home not even 2 miles from my home But Upon leaving this place which was on minutes from my home I found myself far far away from my home traveling on a dark country road Seem there had been a loss of time hours woke up In A field not recalling much except that I was safe with no harm to me not one scratch.

In this field where cow, horses, sheep other live stock I plainly remember it like it was yesterday for it is branded in my mind never to be forgotten. You see satan had a plan to make sure I was murdered in the city for he had beckoned God for my life. But the Lord let me drive and drive in a rural area In a pasture of animals is where I ended up the Lord once again intervened and allowed for me to not drive into the dangerous city limits or even be killed in a crash but allowed for me drive on a rural county road.

A road that I had never been on before an unfamiliar area Now that I look back I know that even the Lord God taken me in a entirely new direction that something was about to change. As a spiritual war is fought by spirit also must manifest in the natural Amen. We are not Mortals and not Immortals so this war has to be fought with a balance the natural and supernatural (INTERCESSION)

*FINAL WARNING BEORE DESTRUCTION * missing time or time unaccounted for

From around 3am-6am I experienced something that till this day I can't explain Missing Time In the pasture In which i have no memory from that point of what happened . I only can tell yo where I was and my surroundings and that I was eventually able to navigate my self back home at the break of dawn.

The area full of sheep and cows in a green pasture Was I afraid? No I was not Was I harmed in anyway ? No I have prayed about this event for years and some answers I have gotten some answers at this time I will not elaborate on it. But in the future if released by God to do so I will open up about it!

Just know that I was sheltered by the hand of God kept safe Prepared for deliverance which was to come 1 week and it did I do believe this night as well that I had a divine visitation One That I can't recall much about only what God wants me to know at this time.

*THE SOVEREIGN WILL OF GOD* God’s sovereign or decretive will is also called His “hidden” will It is “sovereign

Something had been done pertaining to my memory I could not remember my name for a briefly couple hours Wondering how I had gotten there in this field puzzled in dismay I started my my vehicle and just began to drive in any direction I came to a gas station I asked them what area was this

My memory began to come back I remembered my name And that I had a husband & family and I needed to get back to them I had never stayed away all night from my daughters (never)

God had warned me but I disobeyed to answer the call and he still was giving me a change to come back to my first love before he allowed for my life to be snatched from me.

This Chapter of my life I have been in prayer about over the years And some revelation has come but for the most I'm grateful For the Lord did make th me to lie down in green pastures PSALMS 23 Literally applies to my life.

All I have to say about this is that God sometimes spares of from destrucion He will examine the heart of men like only he can if he sees fit to Sometimes Many of us that should have met destruction are still here! By the Sovereign Will of God .

*THE SOVEREIGN WILL OF GOD* God’s sovereign or decretive will is also

His “hidden” will It is “sovereign

God is preeminent in power and authority. God’s sovereignty is a natural consequence of His omniscience, omnipotence, and omnipresence. What’s subject to disagreement is to what extent God applies His sovereignty—specifically, how much control He exerts over the wills of men. When we speak of the sovereignty of God, we mean He rules the universe, but then the debate begins over when and where His control is direct and when it is indirect.

God is described in the Bible as all-powerful and all-knowing (Psalm 147:5), outside of time (Exodus 3:14; Psalm 90:2), and responsible for the creation of everything (Genesis 1:1; John 1:1). These divine traits set the minimum boundary for God’s sovereign control in the universe, which is to say that nothing in the universe occurs without God’s permission. God has the power and knowledge to prevent anything He chooses to prevent, so anything that does happen must, at the very least, be “allowed” by God.

*THE HOUR OF TRUTH HAS COME*

When you are chosen and you defy God what are the consequences

I had become a stumbling block for others and standing in the way of my family members receiving salvation So Time was up for me and I knew it I could see the spirit of death that took firm hold of me. To many doors had been opened doors leading to hell and destruction they needed to be closed right away or I would have been in my grave at the age of 33 years of age!

1 week exactly after this particular event with loss of time Is when I experienced the night of Supernatural Deliverance From the most High God still drinking shaken up about not being able to account for a loss of time.

If I would have not remembered my First Love Christ Jesus And called upon him that night I know without a doubt that That I was finished the handwriting was on the wall events that had happened the prior week had shaken me to the core.

Be it Chosen or not when God gets tired of our disobedience It often causes of to live a short life cut off in our prime (premature death) untimely death.

And God does get tired for this he let it rain down fire and Brimstone On Sodom and Gomorrah God has flooded the earth of the wicked and all things saving only a few obedient Noah and his seed. Satan often comes before God as he did with Job asking God to remove The hedge of protection from around Job and God did

For God has examined Job's heart and knew that it was pure As today God is examining mans heart and God himself and only God can see the impurities within a man and the pureness of a man That is one of the reason that some of us are still here Today And the reason that some of us are not here.

*RETURNING BACK TO MY FIRST LOVE* IN THE NICK OF TIME

Actually these events put the Fear of God back within my heart and opened my eyes to things that you will not often learn in a Sunday School lesson or Bible study. But yet I know for myself that I had a visitation from the presence of Angelic beings not of this world Am I ashamed to tell it knowing that I may be ridiculed even mocked. No I'am not because I can no longer keep this to myself God has released me to speak on it no matter what man says It was not man that SuperNaturally and Instantly Rebuked the Devour of Satan upon me It was Christ Jesus that Allowed God to move on my behalf Amen I will forever be over grateful and sold out as a servant of the Most High God. ( Thank You Master Glory to you Father)

*THE WISDOM OF GOD REVEALS REVELATION* Revelation Reveals All Things & Unseen

Getting drunk a drunkard is the equivalent of a Swine is FILTHY LIKE A SWINE WADDLING IN A PIG PEN. EVER SEEN A PIG PEN ? I HAVE AS A CHILD IN THE COUNTRY AND IT IS FILTHY THE PIG JUST ROLLS AROUND IN THE MUD EATING ANYTHING EVEN HIS OWN FECES EVER IN HIS WAY. I REMEMBER THE CARE TAKER SAYING THIS IS WHAT WE FEED THEM IT IS CALLED SLOP IT IS ALL KIND OF LEFT OVER FOODS AND IT SMELLS HORRIBLY.

SLOP IS WHAT THE DRUNKARD ABSORBS INTO THIER BODIES POURING EVERY TYPE OF POSION LIQUOR INTO THEIR SYSTEM SOMETIMES EVEN GETTING ALCOHOL POISONING. GUESS WHAT PIGS DON'T EVEN HAVE PORES SO ALL THAT CRAP THEY EAT STAYS INSIDE UNTIL EXCRETED BUT HUMANS HAVE POURS SO WE ARE ABLE TO SWEAT THE ALCOHOL OFF OR EVEN VOMIT IT BACK UP.

PIGS WILL EVEN LICK UP THIER OWN VOMIT I WAS EQUIVALENT TO A FILTHY PIG GOD SHOWED ME TRYING TO HELP YOU GET A REVELATION YOU BEETER GET THIS! THE WISDOM OF GOD IS UNLIKE THE WISDOM OF THIS WORLD FOR IT REVEALS REVELATION AND REVEALS ALL THING SEEN AND UNSEEN.

*BACK TO THE SUPERNATURAL EXPERIENCE* after the final warning God said enough

This supernatural event with Angels and set date with death that I did not see for God canceled it out Amen. After seeing these angels apprehending this strong man (Demon) I was put to sleep and rested in Peace woke up with the very Bible I had been holding earlier .

The same Bible I was holding in one hand and a bottle of Alcohol in one hand This Bible ended up on my chest turned to psalms 116 never in my life had I read this particular verse before ever but when I did that morning it did not strike me like it would later for I would full understand what had happened in fullness Amen !

I know that I know that I know with every ounce of understanding within me Christ Jesus Himself Rebuked the devour of satan on my behalf. Not because I deserved it , nor because good needed me, nor because I was special but because I called on the name Jesus in all sincerity when hell and it's hounds had a grip on me a Strong Hold

*A DIVINE APPOINTMENT AT THE ALTER* Pre-ordained by a Father God himself

The Lord still working on me from the am morning hours until day break I woke up in a peaceful state of mind the Holy Bible was opened to Psalms 116 laying across my chest I removed it and read the scriptures My God I was then guided to by unction of the Holy Spirt to a small church in a county town of Jasper Texas.

I did not exactly know what was going on but I knew there was an urgency for me to get to this church a . ( URGENCY SO I OBEYED) I now know that I myself had been apprehended by the sovereign will of God . And was under the the unction of the Holy Spirt and was moving with an urgency Life or Death depended on it.

Back then I was unaware of this but today I understand that the Lord Most High God was going to complete what he had started in me. I walked in the church walked to the front pew and sat there I remember service was almost over I was right on time for my divine appoint with God at the alter for further deliverance to be completed amen. (Glory to God )

The Apostle of the church called alter call I got up went forward And so did several other people standing there wanting prayer for whatever their need was. I remember the preacher going down the line asking each individual what they needed prayer for when he got to me It began he bent down looked in my eyes shook his head and said church in now dismissed you all may leave I heard him say over he microphone ( if you are here you do not believe in the power of God then you should go

I heard him say to remove all the children from the church and to open the front doors of the Church I grabbed his hand tightly in desperation and said to him if you do not pray for me I'm going to die and I went limp and collapsed to the floor at the Alter. You see for those who don't understand let me clarify it for you God had sent Angels in the morning hours to remove the strong man that had me bound a prisoner in my own body in my own mind.

I don't think you hear God rebuked satan on my behalf yes he did removing the strongest demon from within me . But there was purging that needed to be done and with this purging out came the smaller spirits with no place to go but back to the dry places.

I see now why the Apostle asked for the front door to remain open The revelation of God reveals all things seen and unseen I keep repeating that so that you will catch on and understand what I mean I'm a living witness to the Supernatural and that is real just as real as you or me there are things seen and unseen in this world be not deceived my brothers and sisters.

Luke 11:24 When an unclean spirit comes out of a man, it passes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left.'

Matthew 12:44 Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' On its arrival, it finds the house vacant, swept clean and put in order.

( THE ANOINTING THE CALL OF AN APOSTLE ) THE 5 FOLD MINISTRY EVIDENCE CASTING OUT UNCLEAN SPIRITS

Apostle Kelvin Hall My beloved spiritual father whom labored and toiled over me transferring the mantle upon my life , exhausted but he never quit obedient to the call of God upon my life.

I'm forever grateful to you man of God concerning my life thank you for being obedient and continuing my deliverance @ the Alter when I collapsed from being used up by Satan surely I would have surely died the following month or days Yes death was all over me ! (God himself rebuked Satan for me) Thank you man of God For keeping the church doors open way longer than usual !

He stayed and he prayed me through rare something you don't see Pastors take the time out to do today. Thank you Lord for you obedient Apostles that do your will Father. Thank you Lord for the True Holy Ghost Fire Thank you Lord for setting me free I was a captive held prisoner I don't think you all hear me.

After 3 hours purging, demonic activity resisting to flee but they had to go because this appoint was pre-ordained before time God knew that I would call upon him in all sincerity So it was God that set a date for my deliverance

My God and he will do the same or you or your loved ones amen When the Lord God has a set Divine Appointed Time concerning your life and circumstances not a demon in hell can can control it not a one Not even legions, Generals, Captains, in satan army GLORY TO GOD AMEN .

AFTER 3 OR SO HOURS I GOT UP OFF THAT FLOOR IN THE NAME OF JESUS AND RAN AROUND THAT CHURCH LIKE I HAD WON THE LOTTERY MY GOD NOBODY HAD TO TELL ME TO RUN

I BROKE OUT LIKE A FRESH WIND MY GOD IF YOU ONLY KNEW THE BURDENS THAT HAD BEEN LIFTED THE PRESSURE THE STRONG HOLD SPIRITS THAT HAD BEEN CAST BACK TO THE DRY PLACES

BE NOT DECEIVED MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS SATAN WALKS T AND FRO IN THIS LAND SEEKING WHOM HE MAY DEVOUR!

YOU BETTER WAKE UP AND START READING THAT SCRIPTURE WITH MORE CLARITY AMEN.

*PEACE OF MIND MADE BRAND NEW physically & supernaturally *

LET ME BLOW YOUR MIND WITH THIS ON MY WAY BACK HOME THAT NIGHT AFTER A LONG DAY BEING SET FREE FEELING VERY STRANGE WEAK AND FATIGUED WHAT AN ORDEAL I NEEDED REST HOLY SPIRIT STILL RESTING HEAVILY UPON ME . I FELT LIKE A LITTLE GIRL WHO HAD NEVER LOST HER INNOCENCE A NEW PERSON MY SPIRITUAL EYES OPEN EVEN MY EYES WHERE VERY SENSITIVE TO LIGHT YOU SEE ON MY WAY BACK HOME TRAVELING 2 HOURS BACK TO MY CITY I PASSED IN AND OUT OF A DEEP TRANSE THIS WENT ON FOR THE ENTIRE RIDE HOME 2 HRS.

I WOULD WAKE THEN I WOULD PASS OUT I COULD FEEL LIKE I WAS BEING WORKED ON IN MY BODY I COULD SMELL THE STENCH OF ALCOHOL BEING RELEASED OUT OF MY PORES AS THEY OPENED AND CLOSED ! REMEMBER THE EXPLANATION OF THE COMPARISON OF A DRUNKARD IS EQUIVALENT TO A SWINE WELL LOOK AT GOD WAS DOING STILL WASN'T DONE WITH ME DETOXIFYING MY BODY A PURIFICATION WAS TAKING PLACE .

*( BEING OPERATED ON BY HEAVENLY HANDS)* THE SUPERNATURAL INTERNAL HEALING

AS THIS WAS HAPPENING IT MUST HAVE BEEN PAINFUL I SAY IT IN THAT MANNER BECAUSE I PASS OUT FOR 10 MINUTES OR SO THEN I WAKE UP DROWSY LIKE I HAD BEEN UNDER ANESTHESIA THIS HAPPENED ALL THE WAY BACK TO HOUSTON TEXAS

AND INBETWEEN BEING GENTLY BE PUT INTO A TRANS LIKE STATE I COULD HEAR THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MUSIC I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY MY ENTIRE LIFE MY GOD THE SOUNDS I HEARD SOUNDED LIKE A SYMPHONY OF ANGELS SINGING SO HIGH PITCHED NEVER IN THIS LIFETIME HAVE I HEARD ANYTHING THAT COMES CLOSE OR EVEN COMPARES TO IT

Listen to these sounds the very last pitch on the video and magnify it to the loudest MHz you can imagine earthly glass shattering in the natural it would be multiply it by many voices. That makes a perfect melody this is what i heard in my left ear only ! After this happened I had the ability to write music and songs. Something that i did not do at all before I heard this symphony of heaven that’s what I call it because it was just that !

https://youtu.be/4Tno4L-6vP4

I KNOW NOW TODAY THE VOICES THAT I HEARD WAS NONE OTHER THAN THE HEAVENLY SYMPHONY OF GOD REJOICING REJOICING FOR MY SOUL HAD BEEN SET FREE THIS DAY MY GOD IF YOU ONLY KNEW THAT CHOIRS OF HEAVEN ARE REAL AND THEY SING PRAISES TO THE MOST HIGH GOD AND THEY DO REJOICE WHEN A SOUL HAS BEEN SET FREE FROM CAPTIVITY AND THE OPPRESSION A STRONG HOLD AMEN!

THE LAST THING I REMEMBER I SAID SHALOM IN A SOFT WEAK VOICE A WORD I HAD NOT EVER HEARD OF UNTIL THAT DAY THEN I RESTED PEACEFULLY IT WAS DONE A FEW MONTHS LATER I LOOKED THE WORD UP AS I WAS ONLINE ATTEMPTING TO RESEARCH THESE EVENTS THAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME ONLY TO LOOK THE WORD UP AND TO FIND OUT IT MEANS

(SHALOM, REST AND PEACE ) JESUS CAME TO SET THE CAPTIVES FREE

Shalom (Hebrew: שָׁלוֹם‬ shalom; also spelled as sholom, sholem, sholoim, shulem) is a Hebrew word meaning peace, harmony, wholeness, completeness, prosperity, welfare and tranquility and can be used idiomatically to mean both hello and goodbye.[1][2][3]

As it does in English, it can refer to either peace between two entities (especially between man and God or between two countries), or to the well-being, welfare or safety of an individual or a group of individuals.

MY FAMILY WATCHED OVER ME NOT KNOWING GOD WAS FINISHING WHAT HE STARTED MY DELIVERANCE TRUE DELIVERANCE SOMETHING GOD DID IN 4 HOURS AT THE ALTER SOMETHING AAA MEETINGS COULD HAVE NEVER DONE FOR ME. GOD THANK YOU JESUS IF I COULD ONLY TELL IT ALL HOW WORTHY AND MAGNIFICENT YOU ARE LORD A Strong Man (strong hold ) There is nothing The Blood of Jesus cant't break (Generational Curses The very root of it The Blood of Jesus Will Will Up root Curse it to die and wither up yes he will ! Deliverance is real strongholds are real generational curses are real and they will not be broken until You cry out and call Name of Jesus denounce and follow the instructions of God concerning this it.

*( SINCERITY AND REPENTANCE TO GOD)*

In Desperation for life and death for real not all this faking and shaking' see that will get you hurt or killed by these dark forces ! Instantly the Lord Rebuked the Witchcraft that had been sent to destroy me In the prime of my life very satanic powers that tried to take me out So I could not be here to tell you this Testimony Today! UPROOTED AND DRUG BACK TO DRY PLACES ! Am I ashamed to tell it NO! I'M NOT! I'm free set free by the Blood of Jesus Play time is over Satan is here to kill anyone he can and will because our disobedience to the call of God

IT NOT ABOUT YOU OR ME IT'S ALL ABOUT GOD People of God It is the Anointing over your life the enemy is after he does not want it to come fourth ! BUT IT'S NOT ABOUT THE ANOINTING HEAR ME WELL IT'S ABOUT OBEDIENCE AND HUMILITY TO GOD

Because he knows you will be a major hitter against his kingdom of darkness he knows that you will be one to be obedient and go where God sends you AND TO WHOM HE SEND YOU . AND YOU WILL DO IT IN OBEDIENCE AND LOVE MOST OF ALL AMEN! BOLD ENOUGH TO CORRECT BUT IN LOVE SET APART AND SOLD OUT FOR CHRIST JESUS AMEN! You will the one as David to take on Goliath in whatever form that serpent comes in you will be ready to slay it A intercessor to do battle in Heavenly HIGH PLACES IN USEEN REALMS AND Dimensions AMEN.

*RETURNING BACK TO MY FIRST LOVE*' FROM WHENCE I HAD I STRAYED , FALLEN FROM REBELLION TO OBEDIENCE

To further Confirm my deliverance and my healing about 2 days after everything had settled down and i was back home shaken up in disbelief somewhat but I knew i had to remain in a quiet place and think of all that had taken place .

So for 7 days I was weak my bones weak I could not walk without trembling was like a new baby beginning to walk feeling tired. It was my appointed time of rest from all the ware and tear that I had put on my body over the years.

Like i said to confirm what had taken place and 5 year old little girl walked up to me and said do you see the Angels they are sewing up your liver they gave you a new one!!!! At this moment i was speechless and in shock in spite of all I had seen prior to this. How could a child walk up to me without me saying a word to her and speak these words to me ( i asked the child who told you that and what do you know about a liver she smiled and said I just know I see it you can’t see them they just finished .

I trembled with the fear of God since that day a reverence (respect I knew I had been made brand new without a doubt in my mind I knew this I have no desires to drink nor indulge with the wicked nor do I envy the wicked but rather SOLD OUT FOR CHRIST JESUS

As A Heavenly Angelic Host Invisible to the Natural Eye go before you You see I got saved at age of 10 experienced the Holy Ghost God marked me for such a time as this Like he had marked many of you And there comes a time when God comes to collect he gets tired of the playing fed up with the filthy lifestyles

And don't you think for one second that God is not a wrathful for destroyed the inhabitants of earth numerous times for DISOBEDIENCE YES HE DID AND HE IS STILL THE SAME GOD AND HE CHANGES NOT MERCY AND GRACE YES BUT GOD JUDGES ALL SIN

EVEN HARDER ON THOSE WHO KNOW RIGHT FROM WRONG THOSE WHO HAVE FALLEN FROM THEIR FIRST LOVE JUST AS SATAN HAS FELL FROM HIS FIRST ESTATE CORRUPTING EARTH GOD BELOVED CREATION HUMANITY YOU AND I THE ONES HE MADE IN HIS OWN IMAGE

But don't think the Lord does not get fed up with us because he does ! Thinking we can go on playing games and playing saved playing with the HolyGhost less you will be turned over to a REPROBATED MIND

No people of God Time to call on Jesus People he can Deliver you for real not this play thing that's going on see many of you are going to church full of demons and going back home full of demons .

All in your home all in your children and their children generation to generation you are traditional and you stand for wrong because God has not truly cleaned you saved but no evidence of the Holy Ghost don't even know what the Holy Ghost is and been in church 30 years .

No respect of Fear or Reverence for the Lord Most High God Just comfortably living with Lucifer walking side by side with you're co -existing with him and most of you are fine with it pray for deliverance so that you can pray for your children and their children and get a prayer through to God for salvation is crucial in this hour souls are important.

You see this war is for souls did you not know that every man or woman That hears God voice but answers not to the call and rejects God ' That man or woman is in danger for each man hold another man path to salvation within him .

We are either obedient to the call Many are called Chosen are Few or we simply deny the call of God therefore becoming a stumbling block for others around us Those in our paths those that we are suppose to reach but rather we we stand a the door of Hells fire for being the reason that people around us are not getting saved.

You better hear me and understand this is not a game of checkers this is Chess and God is playing for keeps so is satan because he knows his destiny and divine appointment with Hell

It is not about us It is about the KINGDOM OF GOD HEAVEN WHICH IS TO COME ALL ABOUT SAVING MEN SOULS FROM THIS SPIRITUAL WAR THAT WE ARE IN. HOW WILL GOD BE EVER ABLE TO SHOW YOU THINGS IN OTHER DIMENSIONS WHEN HE CAN'T EVEN SHOW YOU YOUR ERROR IN THIS EARTHLY REALM

YES WE ALL FALL SHORT AND DISOBEDIENCE COMES IN BUT WE ARE NOT TO REMAIN IN SIN WADDLING LIKE A PIG IN A PIG PEN FULL OF MUD. Without Deliverance we can't do anything effectively Lord wake us up from this deep slumber and sleep !

FATHER GOD IN JESUS NAME TO THOSE THAT ARE READING THIS AND THE MAY BE LOST RIGHT NOW FATHER MAY NOT KNOW YOU MAY BE ADDICTED TO ALCOHOL OR DRUG ABUSE OR ANY STRONG HOLD THAT HAS A GRIP UPON THEIR LIFE DELIVER THOSE THAT ARE TRULY SEEKING YOU FATHER THOSE THAT CALL ON YOUR NAME INTERVENE LORD YOU REBUKE THE DEVOUR OF ENEMY FOR THEM FATHER THAT THEY MAY BE DELIVERED FROM A STATE OF CONFUSION NO LONGER A MANIPULATED DEAD BUT AWAKE WITHIN THEM FLOWING LIVING WATERS FATHER IN CHRIST JESUS NAME AMEN!

WE ARE NOT IN A WAR AGAINST MEN BUT RATHER THE EVIL SPIRITS THAT ARE WORKING THROUGH PEOPLE THIS IS MY TESTIMONY HOPE IT HELPED SOMEONE ALL EVENTS I HAVE STATED TO YOU ARE TRUE (TRUE EVENTS ) THERE WHERE WITNESSES TO IN MY HOME WHO SAW THESE THINGS THERE WHERE WITNESSES INT HE CHURCH AS WELL WHY THIS IS THE PATH THAT MY LIFE TOOK I QUESTION NOT ALL I KNOW IS THIS AND I KNOW IT WITHOUT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT

John 8:36 “If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.”

SO IT’S OK IF YOU LOOK AT ME DIFFERENT READING THIS BLOG. MANY SOULS ARE IN BONDAGE AND CAPTIVITY AND ARE IN NEED TO BE SET FREE AMEN. JESUS CAME TO SEPARATE WITH A SWORD OF RIGHTEOUSNESS HE DID NOT COME TO BRING TOGETHER BUT RIGHTFULLY DIVIDE AMEN.

Matthew 10:34 King James Version (KJV)34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.

We are working on a autobiography & book on the supernatural new music If in the will of God amen. Our Ministry is without walls Is preparing for summer of 2018 we will be Ministering the Gospel, Food Ministry to the homeless , Clothing Ministry , Deliverance Ministry FULL CIRCLE GLORY MINISTRIES Prophetess Sonya Lorraine

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avasilvugh · 7 years

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Outside of their family, how are the kids doing socially? Do they make friends, trust people easily? Do they have a hard time keeping their powers a secret? Does one of their moms being a Luthor affect the way people act around them? How do they deal with their moms kinda being in the public eye?

oof well this started fluffy and got angsty and then got cute again so do with that what u will

so for the most part? the kiddos do alright!!! they rlly do, like they’re all enough like kara that ofc they attracts ppl like moths to flame

finn’s like easily one of the most popular kids in school, starting from elementary school and like he’s not one of the traditionally popular boys?? like he’s not a jock and he’s not one of those uber macho dudes but he cares so deeply and fully and like all the girls love him to death and all the uber macho dudes for the most part love him to death as well

like he’s rlly soft and kind and remembers ppls birthdays and who has a nut allergy so he always makes sure to make a separate safe batch of baked goods for bake sales. he’s that kid that’s got tabs on everyone and knows who is having a bad week and who might need someone to eat with at lunch and he makes it look so fun to be nice?? that he just manages to lead by example and national city prep academy is a nicer place for him being in it

maia’s that ride or die friend like she’s super intense and kind of scary tbh but god when she picks you, she Picks you and she’ll keep picking you, keep standing up for you, keep vehemently defending u until her dying day tbh like she loves so much like kara, once she sees the good in you, once she’s decided ur one of her ppl, she’ll fight everyone in her sight for u and that is so wildly appreciated, like she has all the girls at school wanting to have her on their side, in their corner and the best thing is that she is, she will be, no questions asked

like?? she’s not half as soft as finn but she’s just as caring, just as loving and she like?? doesnt have a cult following, but she definitely is that hot ass senior that has all the underclassmen stumbling over themselves bc she nodded at one of them in the hall during passing period and stella dies a little inside bc all her friends are in love with maia to some degree

stella is the one that struggles the most socially?? bc everyone loves finn and maia doesnt give a shit if some ppl dont like her, barely notices it, but stella is a little quieter and a little bit different and she kind of weirds ppl out bc she’s just as intense as maia but she doesnt have the cool factor, she stumbles over her feet and stammers and gets easily overwhelmed and most ppl get a little weirded out by how stella always seems to know how they’re feeling?? can sort of predict whats coming in a conversation???

but god when she makes friends, they are so so protective of her. like?? stella is disliked by a lot of ppl, is a pretty easy target but her friends love her so so deeply bc she knows how to help them best, is v careful with their feelings in a way that not a lot of kids think to be u know?? she’s not the most popular, but she’s p well insulated by the time she hits high school, has a rlly solid group of friends that stick close to her

this kind of goes hand in hand with the first part but here’s some other anecdotes lmao

finn makes friends so so easily like that boy walks into a room and within the first ten minutes he’s already got five new friends like?? he’s probably one of those student ambassadors, shows all the new kids around the campus tbh and like for sure has brownies or something to give them

like??? he’s for sure voted mr congeniality. For Sure. he collects friends and favors so easily and so quickly and he loves them all so much, you would think that maybe some friendships arent as deep as others and that’s true, but that doesnt mean he doesnt love those friends just as much, wouldnt drop what he’s doing to go pick them up bc their car died on the highway

that said, he doesnt trust super easily?? like he’s p wary in general, a little more suspicious of ppl than he ever lets on. like it takes him a Long time to rlly ever tell his rlly close friends any big details abt himself. it takes him even longer to ever invite ppl over to the house, even tho his moms are like you can?? pls do?? have a childhood kiddo

maia takes a little longer to make friends i think?? but that’s more a matter of her not noticing someone is trying to be friends with her, like she’s sort of above it all a lot of the times, often wrapped up in her own head. but like i said, she’s p intense so once she’s noticed, she’ll dive in head first like all in, ride or die

and its so funny bc she is so so like non-plussed by things like what movie to see or stuff like that, she’s kind of a rlly great friend without meaning to?? like oh, yall were planning to do a mall night but ur period started and u dont have the energy and now u just want to lie around and eat ice cream?? she’ll pick up ur fave flavors and probably a couple redbox rentals and is down for a movie night, maybe becomes ur favorite person in that exact moment

she actually trusts ppl more easily than finn, if only bc generally the ppl that are more insistent abt actually getting to know her, not just that scary person she puts forward are usually ppl that genuinely care abt her and want the best for her?? that said, she gets in with a bad crowd and dates this super fucking awful abusive asshole that sort of destroys that innate trust for a while. she gets it back eventually, thanks to those friends she had before the entire experience, who stood by her even when she tried to push them away

stella takes the longest to make friends?? she’s like that shy kid in the corner that wont make eye contact but when she does u feel like she’s probably seen ur soul and knows all ur secrets (which....techincally she doesnt see souls and only knows maybe four or five of ur secrets) but she’s rlly sweet and v earnest and ppl sort of find her endearing after a while

like?? she finally finds her ppl when she joins the drama department and switches soccer teams and gets into debate and starts a chess club, like?? when she starts actually embracing who she is and not trying to model herself after maia or finn or kara or lena, when she sort of loses herself in doing things that are actually interesting to her and not just what gets her the least negative responses from other ppl, she makes so many friends !!! like girl just has to get out of her own head sometimes

of the three kiddos, she definitely trusts the easiest, just bc like?? she knows what ppls intentions are, knows when someone’s hiding something from her or has ulterior motives for trying to befriend her. like most of the work is done for her just at first meeting like she rlly doesnt have to worry too much abt trusting ppl

they all sort of struggle with hiding their powers?? some more than others for sure

like finn probably struggles more than maia?? bc maia keeps taking that power-suppressant all through school, but finn wants to learn to control himself, wants to not be as dependent on something else to make him more human, safer for others to be around. so he wears the glasses and softens his touch and makes sure he never moves too quickly, gives up on sports and works hard to never get angry, never let the hum of his heat vision get too distracting

its rlly hard when he’s around his friends, harder when he starts dating, bc other ppl dont have to worry abt the stuff he has to worry abt?? like he has to have like a lot of talks with kara abt it bc he gets overwhelmed a lot, worries a lot abt accidentally hurting someone he loves

maia on the other hand struggles more with the lying?? like she has this ride or die mentality and it fucks her up that she cant tell the ppl she trusts this giant secret abt her, this thing that defines her existence?? Fucks Her Up tbh like.....she’s like a vault, her friends confess all their shit to her and she hates that she cant do the same?? cant do that without endangering her brother and sister and moms and, rlly, her entire family and she’s not going to do that, wont ever do that

so like she struggles with that, but the actual powers part of it isnt as big of a thing for her bc she keeps taking the suppressant bc she just?? doesnt trust herself not to. doesnt trust the power in her hands, like she wont take it on the weekends bc thats when kara trains her and finn, takes them to the deo to spar but during the week, when she doesnt have kara’s steady presence to ground her, finn’s quiet hand at her shoulder to stop her when she’s about to go too far

stella struggles with it but its different?? like she’s not hiding superhuman strength or the ability to fly or anything so conspicuous, but she has to like.....constantly monitor what she says and how she acts towards ppl that dont know like?? ppl get kind of weirded out when she knows stuff abt them or like....knows their heart or some shit when they’ve only rlly known each other for a few months

that said, she also gets away with a whole lot by just saying she’s rlly empathetic with this weird little smirk that her friends think is just her poking fun at the fact that she can be kind of spacey and not super aware abt other stuff all the time but lol little do they know

i mean?? at school?? most ppl dont know like she’s mrs danvers or (insert kiddos name)’s mom and like especially in elementary school, she’s not the one at pta meetings bc she knows what will happen if other parents see her and make the connection?? so its usually kara and she usually flies under the radar, like ppl kind of know that she’s the kara danvers from page six, wife of lena luthor and doing the gala circuit when needed, but no one ever like rlly registers it ya know??

likes the kiddos friends kind of put it together but she’s still just mrs danvers to them, their friends rlly cool mom that helps them do these rlly awesome science experiments when they come over and are bored. a couple ppls parents find out and refuse to let their kids go over anymore and the kids dont understand why and lena like.....lost tbh. like how does she explain that?? how does she let them know its her fault, that she did this to them by association and for that she is truly sorry

but like the kiddos rlly just let it roll of their backs like it only happens maybe a handful of times and their friends are still their friends at school

but like?? when they get older, they get more vocal, like?? they’re proud of their mother and theyre so fucking sick of hearing the weird, awful comments ppl make about luthors whenever lex winds up in the news again and maia reaches a point of just FUCK OFF levels of anger, starts screaming IM A LUTHOR TOO, MOTHERFUCKER when she tackles someone in the hallway after hearing superman should do the world a favor and just get rid of that entire rats nest during passing period and that’s sort of what outs them all

things change a little after that?? like most of their friends stick around, but there is definitely a wariness towards the danvers kiddos after that, but they bear it with pride, like finn and stella arent upset in the slightest. like?? so they lost a couple friends; good, better leave now bc they love their mom a whole hell of a lot more than those ppl and that’s never going to change

like?? they rlly arent that aware of the weird spotlight they live in for a while when they’re small, particularly maia and finn like......kara and lena kept their relationship rlly rlly quiet for a long time. like?? no one knew they were an item until they rlly needed to come out and say it, and then they got engaged and married rlly quietly, just family and lena kept her name professionally so no one rlly knew. and they kept her pregnancy under wraps, not necessarily hiding?? but just not announcing it either and quite honestly the press doesnt know abt finn until some opportunistic pap gets a shot of kara and lena with little roly poly finn at the park, looking every bit the deliriously happy family they are. its much the same for maia, with no one outside of their little circle of friends and family knowing abt her until someone catches a picture of them with two little ones, not one. and like stella?? hell, stella doesnt rlly get a debut until she’s nearly four tbh and its bc she v seriously asks to be lena’s date to her gala and like how was lena going to say no to that request

that said, when they get older, they’re kind of prime targets for some asshole opportunistic paps to swarm and try and get quotes from, try and smear the luthor name some more. lena issues a no nonsense statement that she’s fair game, but her children are off limits. catco worldwide issues a similar statement, that the family lives of their reporters are not open for discussion and that such targeting of children is a reprehensible act that has no place in journalism

that helps, that and the ruthless way their family encircles them, fights the press and tabloids and fights to give the kiddos as normal of a life as possible. and like??? they rlly do. there’s a couple incidents where the heightened scrutiny was noticeable, but mostly?? the kiddos rlly dont notice, just flip the newspaper over when its lex on the front page or switch whatever gossip show off when the topic comes round to lena, little things like that that help them live as normally as they can

#supergirl #supercorp #lena luthor #kara danvers #superbabies #anonymous #human interaction

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