#also I’ve decided to finally let my boyfriend read some of my stories so it’s really him who brought me back to writing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

In 2020, 44% of users from Denmark used Tumblr daily.

#also I’ve decided to finally let my boyfriend read some of my stories so it’s really him who brought me back to writing

srjlvr · 8 months

Text

ENHYPEN

,, enhypen’s reaction to their partner commenting on their live ! — <3

OT7!enhypen X idol-fem-reader | genre fluff | warnings mentions of food ! | not proofread | note. with all the seriousness im a sucker for these kind of reactions. | also yes, i know it’s hard but PLEASE imagine that their interaction with their partner is allowed and fans totally love it and live for it.

— 희승 ✶ (heeseung)

you had your free time in between your very tight schedule, you decided to text your boyfriend and ask him how his day is going so far. you waited about ten minutes which was weird—he has a free day today.

that was when you noticed enhypen is on live! you quickly got in and saw your boyfriend smiling at the screen while talking to his fans.

“what’s this bracelet? oh that! y/n gave it to me, look at her wrist she has a matching one” he smiled. you tapped your keyboard and sent your comment, ‘that’s why you didn’t reply to my text!’

“oh? y/n’s here!” he smiled widely this time, “i’m sorry i’m having too much fun here” he answered your comment, “everyone please give lots of love to y/n while i reply to her text”

just like that, he grabbed his phone to answer your texts, regardless of his 1 million views on live.

— 제이 ✶ (jay)

jay decided to go on live today and play some songs with his guitar while talking with his fans. he was so busy focusing on his guitar to notice your cute comments which adores him so much.

you were almost about to give up after commenting more than any other fan on the live when he finally looked at the screen, “huh? y/n’s here?” he asked the fans.

when he noticed your comment, ‘you look so cute today, my cute boyfriend😙’ he giggled while staring at it.

“i’ll be playing the next song for y/n,” he suddenly said and grabbed his guitar again, “it’s our favorite song! you should listen to it”

you then stayed until the end of his live, not minding the fact that you’re a bit late to your next schedule.

— 제이크 ✶ (jake)

he was busy putting his favorite songs on youtube and singing his heart out to notice your song recommendations.

“lately, i’ve been spending my time with y/n while listening to our favorite songs, i really recommend you to do it with a person you love and cherish” he pressed his lips together and smiled.

fans noticed that speaking about you always made him smile and feel better.

he was searching for song recommendations in the comments again and noticed yours, “oh? wait a minute!” he reached to the phone to search your comment again.

“it’s y/n!” he said and immediately went to youtube and put your song, “its her favorite song, i hope you’ll like it too” he smiled proudly while pointing at the screen.

— 성훈 ✶ (sunghoon)

sunghoon was answering some questions and talking about his previous schedule.

you decided to comment on his live random questions to see if you can get noticed, questions like ‘sunghoon!! how’s gaeul doing?’ and more.

without even noticing that it was you, sunghoon replied to all of your questions. “people are saying that y/n is here” he reached his phone and searched through the millions of comments.

after noticing your questions that he answered just a second ago he giggled and smiled, “i didn’t even notice it was y/n”

you then commented ‘you don’t even text your girlfriend lately’ and he just sat there for a few minutes and just asked for your forgiveness after his own fans told him to apologize.

— 선우 ✶ (sunoo)

sunoo was playing some songs while sharing with everyone a few stories that happened lately.

“right! y/n came to our photoshoot and gave us some homemade food! i think she had a lot of free time that day considering the tight schedule she has” he frowned.

he then read a few more comments until his eyes fell on yours, ‘i’d make sure to pack you homemade food everyday’ and smiled widely.

“since y/n is so free today, let’s call her!” he grabbed his phone and face-timed you. “y/n say hello to my lovely fans” he turned his phone and your face showed up.

“hello!” you giggled, “please give a lot of love and support to my sunoo” you waved. sunoo then turned his phone back and sent you a flying kiss before hanging up, “that was my girlfriend everyone”

— 정원 ✶ (jungwon)

as soon as jungwon sent you a text that his food arrived, you also got a notification that enhypen is live, and of course it was going to be jungwon.

he was talking and putting some songs, making a little mukbang for his fans. fans went crazy when they saw your comments, ‘jungwon said he was going to buy me food too but he went on live😒’

he noticed your comment only after his fans told him that you’re watching the live. “y/n….?” he asked and searched for your comment.

he chuckled to himself, “wait i’ll order you something now” he grabbed his phone and tapped some things.

“i’ll be ordering this for y/n” he showed his phone screen with a lot of food in the list, “eat well~” he smiled and continued to talk with his fans and enjoy his food.

— 니키 ✶ (niki)

he opened the live to casually talk about whatever with his fans. he likes to put songs at the background and give some song recommendations as well.

he was all dressed up today and was explaining where he’s heading after this live. you two barely talked that day since both of you are having a really tight schedule.

“i’ve been wanting to tell y/n this but we don’t have any time to talk lately” his smile dropped, “i miss having enough time to talk with her”

that was until he found you in the comments, ‘i miss you too! promise to video call you today🤍’ BOY WAS A BLUSHING MESS PFFFFFFFF

he spent the rest of the live sharing some cute memories of you and him together when you had the time to spend.

2K notes · View notes

hsllfirescoopsreblogs · 1 month

Text

■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□■□

「 ✦ eddie munson ✦ 」

╰┈➤ 18+ none of these stories belong to me! this is a masterlist of all eddie munson stories i’ve read and reblogged! just thought it would be nice to have them all in one spot! (if your fic is on here and you wish not to be, please let me know!) some will have summaries if provided <3

╭┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈╮

⚄ @luveline

⚔︎ june baby

⭒ singlemom!reader

⚔︎ is it getting to much

⭒ you finally work up the courage to kiss Eddie for the first time and he can’t cope (even if he claims he can)

⚔︎ dark matter

⭒ You ask your best friend Eddie to give you your first kiss. Eddie's not really in the habit of saying no to you.

⚄ @corroded-hellfire

⚔︎ as you wish

⭒When Eddie isn’t appreciated like he should be, his babysitter feels the need to step in and comfort him.

⚔︎ request

⚄ @munson-blurbs

⚔︎ clueless

⭒Everyone can tell that you like Eddie. Except for Eddie.

⚔︎ boob man

⭒ eddie is a boob man

⚔︎ i want you to want me

⭒ You've been crushing on Eddie since you joined Hellfire Club. Too bad he's crushing on Chrissy Cunningham...right?

⚄ hurt feelings by @munsonson

⚔︎ Eddie breaks up with Reader for being boring, giving her the impression they just weren’t right for each other. Unfortunately for him, he realizes too late how big of a mistake this was.

⚄ red soaking wet by @taintedcigs

⚔︎ you and your boyfriend eddie decide to have some fun in the living room, what you fail to notice is that your boyfriends roommate steve is also awake. and he can’t help himself.

⚄ soft touches by @msgexymunson

⚔︎ you and your dealer Eddie get a little closer than anticipated.

⚄ oops pt2 by @dakotalun

⚔︎ Eddie "accidentally" sends a tasteful pic to his best friend.

⚄ @lovebugism

⚔︎ request

⭒ you get mean when you like someone, so eddie thinks you hate him

⚔︎ drunk in love

⭒ “you're drunk, eds" / "yeah, super drunk. and in the morning, when i'm sober, you’ll still be beautiful… i’m just gonna be too chicken shit to tell you.”

⚄ @eddiemunsons-missingnipple

⚔︎ request

⚔︎ firefighter!eddie

⚄ @ashwhowrites

⚔︎ request

⚔︎ cheerleader cupid

⚔︎ secrets out

⚄ @andvys

⚔︎ no could save me but you pt2

⭒ You couldn't save him in time but you couldn’t let death take him either so you made a bargain that caused you to pay a high price

⚔︎ love will tear us apart

⭒ Eddie convinced himself that he hates the girl that took over his mind the moment he laid eyes on her. The girl that he saved without even knowing it.

⚔︎ i’m begging for you to take my hand

⭒ It's a hot summer afternoon when Eddie's life changes for the better, and two very special people step into his life.

⚄ candygram by @hellfirenacht

⚔︎ It's Valentine's day and you shoot your shot with Eddie by sending him a Candygram.

⚄ you’re clueless you know that by @magicalmysteries777

⚔︎ You agree to accompany Steve to Enzo's for Valentine's Day with only one shared goal in mind - to make Eddie so jealous he has no choice but to have the one conversation he's being avoiding.

⚄ 86’ baby by @strangerquinns

⚔︎ It's Senior Year for Hawkins High School Class of '86. But while most are dealing with the pressure of finales, the threat of the Upside Down looms over you and your friends. But an old friend is soon pulled into the darkness, and all you hope to do is save him while pushing away old feelings.

⚄ driving lessons by @moonstruckme

⚄ the prettiest girl in the room by @obsessedelusional

⚔︎ You shared a secret relationship with Eddie, if that’s what you could even consider it. You wished for more but never could bring yourself to tell Eddie this. What happens when your at a party and he gets dared to kiss the prettiest girl in the room?

⚄ @bimbobaggins69

⚔︎ love in the locker room

⭒ you go into the boys locker room with a plan to steal the polaroids your now ex boyfriend took of you to show off to his friends, but the last thing you suspected was to be met with Eddie ‘the freak’ Munson and his very big friend.

⚔︎ dial a thrill

⭒ you and your ex broke up more than five months ago and you’ve refused to start dating again, even the thought of a one night stand puts a bad taste in your mouth but on a lonely night something you thought you’d never be desperate enough to do, becomes as tempting as ever.

⚄ on the outside by @lesservillain

⚄ slip of the lip by @boomhauer

⚔︎ Abandoned by Hellfire on movie night, Eddie finds another way to entertain himself.

⚄ ribbons, cheerleaders, eddie by @weehelers

⚔︎ eddie is surprised to see a hawkins high tigers uniform in a heavy metal shop. but he’s even more surprised to see it belongs to hawkins high’s golden girl y/n l/n

⚄ @ghost-proofbaby

⚔︎ twenty four hours

⭒ in which eddie munson and you absolutely hate each other's guts. what happens when your friends make a bet that you can't spend more than twenty four hours consecutively together?

⚔︎ a simple life

⭒you try to clean your depression room while eddie's over, but he keeps distracting you.

⚄ let me be your goodnight by @eddiesxangel

⚔︎ temporary fix 1D song fic

⚄ knockin on heavens door by @allthingsjoeq

⚔︎ Eddie meets reader when he’s locked himself out of his place, only wearing a towel, and it’s freezing out…

⚄ his hands by @fairyysoup

⚔︎ How do you make getting a haircut an erotic experience? You have Eddie Munson as your hairdresser, of course.

⚄ @galaxy-siren

⚔︎ bad idea

⭒ tutoring Eddie leads to you proving you are more than the teacher’s pet.

⚔︎ twos company, there’s a crowd

⭒ So Dustin ends up meeting a nice girl and smart in the science club (reader), and ends up talking at the lunch table that he has fallen in love with the girl. Eddie becomes jealous when he learns that Dustin is talking about his girlfriend and becomes protective.

⚄ dirty little secret by @mouthfullofmunson

⚔︎ Eddie is in desperate need of a fake girlfriend after lying to his band mates about his dream girl.

⚄ my favorite customer by @loveshotzz

⚔︎ You’ve been buying weed from your new dealer for a few months now. Always leaving it in your mailbox while you’re at work, you two never cross paths until one Friday night when you come home early.

⚄ ahoy by @violetrainbow412-blog

⚔︎ In some timeline, Starcourt didn't burn down and Eddie was able to go to work selling ice cream. He and Steve make a little bet, from which Eddie comes out happy.

⚄ overheard pt2 by @gaybybirth

⚔︎Bringing Dustin's laundry into his room is usually a fairly uneventful task, especially when he's not there. But when he leaves his radio on and Eddie's slurred words sneak through the static, you overhear something you know you're not supposed to. How the hell are you supposed to react the next time you see Eddie after you accidentally overhear him saying he had a sex dream about you?

⚄ @storiesforallfandoms

⚔︎ jason doesn’t know

⭒ jason doesn’t know that his girlfriend and eddie do it in his van every sunday

⚔︎ oblivious

⭒ in which he has a huge crush on the scoops ahoy girl, but she's too oblivious to notice

⚄ the girlfriend experience by @kiwi-bitchez

⚔︎ Eddie doesn’t think he’s cut out for dating. Self-resigned to a life of one and done hookups, you’re determined to make him see that he has the capacity to be a worthy companion… for when the right girl comes around.

⚄ i’ll make it up to you by @stranger-nightmare

⚔︎ Eddie’s been distant and self conscious about his body ever since the bat incident in the upside down, meaning the two of you haven’t slept together for a while, when you finally confront him on it he vows to make it up to you...

⚄ best kept secret by @mysticmunson

⚔︎ eddie munson is hated by every man in town, but secretly loved by all the ladies, and not just for his large personality.

⚄ the freaks by @manicformunson

⚔︎ Reader's friends find out about her crush on Eddie Munson and tease her about it constantly until one lunch period they take it too far

⚄ off limits by @loveronlineee

⚔︎ When Dustin sees something between Eddie and his sister, he forbids them from talking to each other, but that won’t stop them secretly meeting up.

⚄ enough for you by @tbrxnnan

⚔︎ in which you and eddie munson break up. based on the song by olivia rodrigo.

⚄ movie night by @say-al0e

⚔︎ You've been crushing on Eddie Munson for ages. When you finally ask him over to a watch a movie, you learn that your feelings are definitely requited.

•MASTERLIST

•STRANGER THINGS MASTERLIST

hopefully all links work, let me know if not <3

last updated april 16, 2024

#eddie munson #stranger things #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson series #eddie munson smut #eddie munson angst #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson one shot #eddie munson imagine #stranger things x reader #eddie munson master list

448 notes · View notes

belovedmusings · 1 month

Text

Heaven knows I ain't getting over you.

Choso Kamo x You x Suguru Geto

Explicit Themes 18+ (🚫Minors DNI🚫)

Part seven of the 'Two + One' story. Click for story masterlist.

Guitarist! Choso Kamo is your boyfriend, and he finally notices that his bandmate, Suguru may feel some type of way about you. Now, it's up to you to decide whether you want to come clean about your own feelings for Suguru, and your subconscious may just decide for you.

Relevant tags: sexual tension, thoughts of infidelity, characters with questionable morals, Suguru is hot, Suguru has piercings and tattoos amen, Choso is sweet and loyal, slow burn, no "y/n" for immersion, 2nd POV, reader has no defining characteristics, explicit smut, missionary, nipple play (fem receiving)

Recommended songs to listen to while reading: Just Pretend (Bad Omens), Is There Someone Else (The Weekend), Undisclosed Desires (Muse)

A/N: I'm starting to think Bad Omens ghostwrote this fic the way that entire album fits this story perfectly. Also, just for clarification, the italic texts are yours, and the bolded texts are Suguru's! The drama is getting real and it will continue to build. Enjoy ;)

Read on Ao3 if you prefer!

Or read below cut:

Things return to a semblance of normalcy.

Choso continues to work with Curse Manipulator.

Suguru doesn’t text or call you, despite having gotten your number, and you sort of let it be.

You greet Choso when he comes home, and you’re both happy to see each other.

The two of you even have a better sex life than you’ve ever had now that he’s become bolder with you.

But it feels like you’re walking on thin ice. Microcracks are undulating beneath the weight of your steps, the frigid void of water beneath beginning to seep through. There are no indications. You just feel like something is off.

He isn’t acting like anything is wrong…but it’s almost as if things are too quiet.

This purgatory drags on for about a month until one night, when you’re home alone and you get a text from Suguru.

He noticed.

You pause as soon as you read it. He noticed? What does Suguru mean by that?

What?

I’ve been asking about you more, he asked me what was up.

Then I told him the truth.

Your heart full-on drops into the pit of your stomach.

What did you say?

I said I think you’re attractive.

Was that all?

Well, I also said I have no intention of usurping you. That I respect him and your relationship.

But I wanted to tell you because he’s probably going to bring it up.

So be prepared.

The way he’s talking, it sounds like the two of you have to cover something up. It’s like it’s a late-stage affair rather than just the metaphorical dance-around-the-fire the two of you have been engaging in.

Is it still bad? Yes. Is this text conversation proof of that? Yes, again.

Okay…

Thanks for the heads up.

Also,

I’ve been wanting to text you but I wasn’t sure what to say.

Anything is incriminating, right?

Not necessarily…you could ask me how my day was or…I don’t know, bring up a new movie or song or…

Maybe it just feels that way because of how I feel about you.

And how I know you feel about me.

It’s not innocent.

You have to set the phone down for a minute to gather your bearings. What game is he playing? You haven’t heard from him in a month and now he does this?

Your hand picks your phone back up and you type out a reply.

When you talk like that, of course it’s not.

How can I see what your face looks like right now without you being here?

What do you see?

Your eyes are heavy. There’s a weight in them. You’re probably holding my hand again.

I wish I was.

Good god, you can’t catch a break.

Should you really be flirting with me after you told my boyfriend you were attracted to me?

He just thinks it’s one-sided.

He doesn’t know you feel the same.

So now I have to pretend like it is?

You have a choice to make. Tell him you’re attracted to me or just act surprised.

You mean, lie to him either way?

What other option do you have that won’t end in disaster?

He has a point. You can’t say it’s more than attraction, then he’d catch Suguru in a lie also. He’d realize it goes deeper than how he made it seem. So what?

Be half-honest, or lie completely?

Anyways…how was your day?

The abruptness of the text has you laughing aloud in the silence of your living room.

It was fine. How was yours?

Just worked. We’re getting close to finalizing the album, then the next steps will come.

What are the next steps?

A music video for the title track, press run, and a tour. It’s going to be our biggest album yet.

As you read it, the gravity of it all hits you.

Choso is part of a successful band. And it’s on the trajectory to get bigger and bigger. All of the proper groundwork has been laid—they’re local stars, and with a music video and the team Suguru has secured to help with promotion, their music will find new fans all over the place. With that comes touring, traveling all over the country and even the world…it’s huge.

Wow.

I can’t believe this is all happening.

It sounds like a lot, doesn’t it?

Well, yeah. You’re going to be proper rock stars.

Haha

You’ll be along for the ride.

Choso’s going to want you there. And I will too.

You’ll see everything we do.

That sounds fun and intimidating.

It does, right?

But it’s exciting. Choso is exactly what we were missing. With him we’re going to make it.

I feel proud.

You should.

A question pops into your mind.

Was it always your goal to have fame?

Haha, well, I admit I am a bit of a show-off.

I just think everything happened to put me in this position.

That makes sense. I feel special, getting to know you guys before you get big. I’m your first groupie.

Haha, come on, you’re more than that. So much more.

I know. But I really am a fan. Your music is all I play recently.

Yeah? What song is your favorite?

Strange. You wrote it about your life, right?

I did. It’s sort of an autobiography. I’m surprised that’s your favorite, it’s one of the only songs of ours that’s really personal.

Why are you surprised? I remember when you told me about that stuff. Hearing it in a song was beautiful.

You sound so open and honest when you’re singing.

Oh, I see…

Was I not when I told you?

No, I meant I could feel your emotions because of how you sang it.

It’s breathtaking.

When you compliment me like that, it goes straight to my head.

Coming from you, that means the world.

I’ll make more meaningful songs in the future.

You don’t have to just because it’s what I like.

No, I want to.

I have some things I want to say.

You know, you’ve inspired me a lot.

You groan out loud, laying back on the couch and rubbing at your face in frustration. What are you supposed to do with that? This doesn’t sound like ‘no intentions of usurping’.

Luckily (or unluckily) the lock in your front door turns, indicating the return of your boyfriend.

You close out of the messaging app and lock your phone, hoping to ignore that text the rest of the night. With that you pretend to have been watching whatever show is on television as he walks in.

Immediately, his smile is tight as he greets you. “Hey.”

Oh god, here we go.

“Hey, baby,” you reply, giving him a smile as he moves to sit beside you after removing his shoes. He gives you a kiss on the cheek, arms winding around your waist. “How was it today?”

“It was okay,” he begins, his eyes meeting yours for a moment before they flit away. “I had an interesting conversation with Suguru.”

You steel yourself. “Interesting how?”

“Well,” he hesitates, pulling away and resituating himself on the cushion beside you, fiddling with his hands for a moment. “Lately, he’s been asking a lot…about you. At first, I didn’t think much of it. But then Larue randomly said today ‘you should bring her by again, Suguru won’t shut up about her.’ I didn’t realize he spoke about you when I wasn’t around. It got me thinking…why would he be talking about you like that? Then he mentioned you again, how you haven’t been around, and then I decided to just ask him what it was about once the other two guys left.”

You take a breath. “Um, okay…and?”

“And he told me he was attracted to you. Like, straight-up. I mean, he reassured me he wasn’t going to do anything about it, but I…I don’t know. I mean, he’s Suguru. He could probably have whoever he wants. If he went after you…”

Moment of truth. Who will you be?

“Um…” You begin, heart pounding as you find your words, “well, that’s…”

Choso’s eyes flit back to yours, waiting to hear what you have to say.

“Well, I…thought maybe he did…”

“You did?” Choso asks, “You thought he was interested in you? Since when?”

“I don’t know, I just had a feeling.” Okay, so now you are a liar. Guilt starts fortifying deep in your gut. “I-I mean, I didn’t know for sure.”

“Oh,” Choso frowns, “So…I mean…what do you think about it?”

The correct answer is to tell him there’s no chance in hell. But hell is where you currently are, and you’ve entertained Suguru enough already, so what does that do for anyone?

You sigh heavily. “To…to be honest…I mean, he is an attractive guy, but I would never leave you for him, not in a million years, Chos’.”

Choso’s face is unreadable for a second, and you immediately begin regretting what you just said.

“So…” He breathes out, brows furrowing slightly. “What I’m…hearing is that you two are attracted to each other?”

Back pedal, back pedal, back pedal.

“I meant that he’s just a good-looking guy. You know? And he’s nice, but that doesn’t compare to what you and I have. We have history and intimacy, baby, I would never let him disrupt that.”

Haven’t you already, though? Liar.

“But what if it was different? If you met him first, and then me? If you had the history and intimacy with him? Would you still want me the same?”

Can he see right through you? This has potential to blow up in your face. You need to put this fire out now.

“It’s not that serious,” you shake your head, taking his hands, “I’m in love with you, Chos’, and there are tons of good-looking guys out there, that doesn’t mean that I like them or want to be with them!”

“So you don’t like Suguru like that? It’s just that you think he’s good-looking?”

“Right.” Wrong.

Choso sucks in a deep breath, reaching up and taking his hair out of their ties to rub at his head. “Well…I…I trust you, obviously, it’s just weird.”

“Y-yeah, that’s understandable.”

You’re lying to the man you love. This who you are now, isn’t it? A bad person.

“I don’t need to worry, do I?”

“No,” you say in a rush, “baby, I’m yours, okay? I love you so much. You are the best. And nothing will take me away from you.”

He looks at you for a moment before moving closer, wrapping his arms around your waist and hugging you. “I’m just so afraid you’ll fall out of love with me. You’re my world and it’s unhealthy how much I love you. I’d sooner let you walk all over my heart than leave me.”

Each word twists the dagger he’s lodged in your heart harder and harder.

All you can say is, “I love you,” like an apology, squeezing him tightly in your arms.

“I love you,” he replies, tightening his own hold on you, and despite all of the words you exchanged, it doesn’t feel like you’ve reached a resolution at all.

You’ve just dug yourself a deeper hole.

____

“I want to keep going,” Suguru stares up at you, his mouth at the line of your shirt, dangerously near the top of your breast. You’ve seen this before—you two are in your living room all alone. Choso’s at his brother’s house. This is the part where Suguru pulls away and says he won’t go further.

Except, he doesn’t do that. He pulls you onto the couch. You wind up beneath him quickly, and he doesn’t stop. His greedy hands tug your shirt down, exposing you to his eyes, and his pierced lips wrap around a nipple, large palms on your hips, gripping them like you’ll float away if he doesn’t hold you down.

You feel the bead of his tongue piercing on your stiff peak, and can’t stop the gasp of his name.

“Suguru!”

He smiles up at you, that infuriating crooked grin, his hands working expertly to get you naked. His mouth kisses, tastes, and marks any expanse of skin he can touch, and before you know it, you can’t even remember if either of you had been wearing clothes in the first place. All you feel is his hot skin on yours everywhere.

He hovers his face over yours, molten sunset eyes locked with yours.

“I’m gonna kiss you.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“Don’t care.”

His mouth devours yours as a parched traveler attacks an oasis, and you moan at the taste of his mouth, the warmth of his tongue on yours, and you just let go. Your hands thread into his beautiful black tresses, cupping his face, kissing him with all of the desire in the world.

Then, he’s inside of you.

It knocks the wind out of you, dislodging the kiss so you can cry out another, “Suguru!”

He groans, and then he’s moving, thrusts coming quick and hard, like an animal mauling its prey, carnal and so so delicious, your hands find his chest, his neck, his abdomen, his arms, his hips—you want to grab onto any and every part of him but nowhere you touch is enough, you want to become one with him.

He goes harder and you can’t stop saying his name. It’s an incantation, evoking a side of you that you’ve never known, that you’re afraid of, that you vy for.

“Suguru…” it tumbles freely, “Suguru, Suguru!”

He takes you to heights you’ve never been to before, and you feel light as air yet far away like you’re at the bottom of the ocean. He fills your lungs, it’s impossible to breathe when it’s this hot—

Your eyes snap open. A hand is on your shoulder. Eyes are on yours.

But they don’t belong to Suguru.

You’re in bed with Choso, and your blood suddenly runs cold.

You were dreaming.

The resignation in his eyes says it all.

“You…were saying his name in your sleep.”

---

A/N: evil cliffhanger oopsies...hope you enjoyed!! Also, I changed the cover art for the story 'cause it looked a little too cringe. This one is still cringe but tastefully so. Okay, d out!

Please don't copy or repost, but feel free to reblog and share!

Taglist (comment here or my masterlist if you want to be added): @jaegerstan222 , @cosmicstarlatte , @dabisdolly , @moonriseoverkyoto , @propheticfire , @bontensbabygirl , @crlyhairedwxtch , @alittlebirdahgaselx , @okkovtsu , @notbellasstuff , @uchihabbynic , @polaroidnana , @childofilluvatar , @shadowfoxy , @jordan-network , @dreamtravelersade , @unmatchxd , @lucyrocks86 , @spineyy , @k3lbade , @xxbuckpoppi , @naughtygobbo , @slammynics , @roseambers , @luvingyouwasreallyhard , @hinachaaan , @redladyrae-blog , @spiteless-xo , @slutforaz , @bellaabee082 , @thedorklingqueen , @delayedrage , @poopwons , @pandisastergod , @username23345 , @sleazymac-n-cheesy , @forest-haven , @midnaamethyste , @bihanspookies , @mysteriouskiller1 , @liyahthings , @makingtimemine

129 notes · View notes

theewokingdead · 6 months

Text

Breaking Free - Francisco "Catfish" Morales x Plus Size f!Reader

Pairing: Francisco “Catfish” Morales x Plus Size f!Reader Summary: You’ve always felt insecure about your body, especially since your last relationship. It isn’t until you meet Frankie that you wonder if there is more to life than worrying about your appearance. He tells you he loves your body, worships it, makes you feel things you've never felt before. Can you finally feel confident in your own skin? Can you finally break free from your body-hating demons and let yourself love who you are - and let Frankie love you? Word Count: 8.8k+ Rating: Mature – 18+ ONLY POV: First Person Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. A/N: I took over the following ask received by @musings-of-a-rose: "Frankie and the reader (Fem) has been dating for a year and they are completely in love especially Frankie, but the reader is extremely insecure about her body, even if Frankie says he love her body and everything about her, so every time they are in private they have to do it with the lights off but Frankie doesn't really matter about, he give you the time you need, until one night you decide to face your insecurities and surprise Frankie, please do it with all the smut you can." I’ve never answered an ask before because I’m terrified of disappointing people. I guess this is me, like Reader, facing some of my insecurities. I hope you enjoy! Hope this is enough smut! **Reader is plus sized with stretch marks and cellulite, but is otherwise not described. **Post-Triple Frontier but no mention if he has a child or not Please follow @theewokingdeadwrites to get notifications when I post new fics

Masterlist

“What?” I question, leaning towards Frankie, who’s standing next to me with a wide smile and a look of absolute adoration in his eyes while looking at me. The crowded bar bustles around us, filled with people and music and chatter, an atmosphere of excitement filling the room with Christmas just around the corner.

“Nothing,” he replies, practically having to shout over the noise of the bar. He seems embarrassed that I caught him admiring me, but he wasn’t exactly being subtle. He never is. “It’s just…you look incredible tonight. I mean, you always look incredible, but…” He awkwardly rubs at the back of his neck, his cheeks flushing. “I just can’t believe you’re mine.”

I dip my head, hiding a shy smile, never one to easily accept a compliment. “Thanks,” I say softly but sincerely before sipping the drink in my hand.

It’s odd, hearing someone compliment my appearance. I’ve given up on ever finding myself beautiful; it’s never crossed my mind that other people could still find me attractive. I’ve never heard as many positive things as I’ve heard from Frankie these last few weeks. It feels strange and wonderful, but I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever be able to believe him.

Taking a deep breath, I remind myself that this is normal. This is how a relationship should be, how a boyfriend should treat his girlfriend. Just because I can’t see my body through his eyes doesn’t mean I shouldn’t trust his words.

Slowly, I tilt my head back up, my eyes meeting his gaze. I can feel the corner of my mouth curving into a sly smile. “I’m pretty sure you don’t own me though,” I reply teasingly, my voice playful. My heart is pounding in my chest as I bask in the thrill of our interaction, waiting for his response. Though we are just two people standing in a bar, it feels like we are each other’s entire universe.

As he stands there before me, I am struck by how the light catches in his deep brown eyes, causing them to twinkle like stars. His broad shoulders fill out his shirt perfectly, making him look both strong and gentle at the same time.

Frankie laughs, his eyes sparkling with joy. “No, I don’t own you…” he says, his voice trailing off as he leans in closer to me. “But say the word and I’ll make you mine.”

I smile, mischievously. “I thought I was already yours, Francisco?”

He chuckles, the sound deep and warm. “I meant in a different way, bebita,” he whispers. “I want to make you mine in every way possible.”

A shiver runs down my spine at his words, my heart pounding faster as I look up at him.

The corner of his mouth twitches with a smirk as he leans in closer, his warm breath fanning across my cheek. His hand slides down to rest on the small of my back. He leans in closer, brushing his lips against my ear. “I want to take you home with me,” he murmurs.

My eyes go wide, my cheeks flush as I realize the heated implication behind his words. My body is already responding to his touch. I lean in closer to him, the noise of the bar fading into the background as I focus solely on him.

“I want to worship you,” he continues. His voice is low and raspy, sending a shiver through my body. “I want to make you feel so good that the only name you remember is mine.”

My heart races at his words, my stomach clenching with anticipation. I never thought I could feel this way about someone, never thought I could be so deeply in – dare I say it? - love. But with Frankie, everything feels different.

“Okay,” I reply, my voice quiet. “Make me yours, Francisco.”

The ride to his place is silent, but my mind is racing. Anticipation bubbles up from my stomach and makes its way through the rest of my body, like a hot drink sloshing in a cup. I steal glances at Frankie, drinking in his rugged features and muscular build. The way his hand grips the steering wheel makes me ache for him, imagining those strong hands on my body, the rough skin sliding against the softness of mine. I almost tremble with need for him. But I’m also afraid that he’ll take my clothes off and doesn’t like what he sees.

It's been longer than I care to admit since I’ve been completely nude in front of anyone. And Frankie has told me that he loves my body, but until now, I haven’t been comfortable enough with him to take my clothes off. We’ve never done anything more than making out and heavy petting before, and I’m terrified.

As we step inside his apartment, I can feel my nerves intensifying. I take a deep breath, steadying myself before turning to face him. He stands before me, his eyes roaming over me hungrily, making my heart race with a mixture of fear and excitement. His gaze lingers on my curves, and for a moment, I feel self-conscious, but then he takes a step closer, his hand reaching out to brush my hair from my face.

“You are so beautiful,” he murmurs, his lips closing in on mine. I melt into his kiss, my arms wrapping around his neck, pulling him closer to me. His tongue sweeps into my mouth, his hands roaming over my body, igniting every nerve in me. I moan against his lips, unable to resist his touch any longer.

Frankie breaks away from the kiss, his eyes dark and lustful. “I need to have you,” he growls, his hand sliding down to grip my ass, pulling me closer to him.

I can feel the sharp jut of his erection pressing against me, and the thought that he wants me makes me burn with desire. Somehow, we reach his bedroom, Frankie kicking the door closed behind him. He turns to reach for the light switch on the wall, but I quickly grab ahold of his wrist, stopping him.

“Don’t,” I blurt out, my voice echoing through the room. The light filters through the blinds from the moonlight and streetlights outside – enough so that it isn’t pitch black, but the shadows still lurk in every corner. It’s all we need – I don’t want him to see my flaws, to see my heart racing like a wild animal inside my chest. I want, more than anything, to share a passionate night with Frankie, but I can’t let him see me – not when my body is the way it is.

I stand there frozen, watching as he moves closer, a small part of me knowing that he’s not looking at my imperfections. He sees something else entirely. Something that makes me feel seen for the first time in years.

“Are you okay with this?” Frankie questions, concern laced in his voice. “I don’t expect anything from you just because you got this far. If you’re not ready-”

“I’m fine,” I reply as casually as possible, but my words come out almost a bit harsh. “I appreciate your concern, but I’m here because I want this,” I say with more conviction. “It’s just…” I hesitate, thinking about how to explain the truth without revealing too much of myself. “It’s been a while for me.”

“How long?”

“I-I don’t know,” I respond with a shrug. “I stopped counting. At least a year.”

“No pressure then, right?” he jokes, his eyebrows raised and cheeks puffed out in a boyish smile. He reaches for my hand, his fingers warm on mine as he grips them. “I really want this. I want you.” He smiles shyly. “I, uh…” His throat bobs and his cheeks flush. “I think I’m falling for you.”

Smiling softly, I reply, “I think I’m falling for you too.”

Frankie’s lips boldly meet mine as his arms wrap around my waist, pulling me close. His tongue slips into my mouth and swirls around mine. I can feel the heat radiating from his body as it crowds mine, both arousing and protecting me at once, making me feel like nothing else in the world matters. The smell of him invades my senses, a mix of musk and sandalwood that makes my knees weak. I’m too lost in temptation to think straight at the moment and waste no time in removing my clothes, Frankie following my lead. I barely get a moment to get a good look at him before his lips are back on mine.

The air around us crackles with an electric intensity as our naked bodies come together for the first time, my breasts brushing against his chest. His hands roam over me with fervor, memorizing every curve of my body as we move together. The feeling of his bare skin against mine raises goosebumps all over my flesh. And for one shining moment, nothing else exists but the two of us, lost in each other's embrace.

Frankie runs his fingertips across my sides, tickling me slightly before moving down to my waist. The sensation shoots sparks of pleasure throughout my body. He lets out a low growl in the back of his throat, tangling his fingers in my hair as he kisses me. I moan into his mouth, my body aching for more.

“Fuck, I can’t wait to taste you. I bet you taste so fucking good.”

His words only make me want him more. I can feel myself dripping as his hands caress my body. His lips meet my neck, and I can feel his hot breath against the skin of my throat. He gently scrapes his teeth against the tender flesh, and I can feel it throbbing beneath his touch. I could come just from his kisses and soft touches. Moaning, kissing, I rub my slick pussy up and down his leg, my clit practically ready to burst.

A high-pitched whine fills the air, and it’s an embarrassingly long minute before I realize I made that sound. I haven’t felt this turned on in – well, fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever been this turned on. As the thought hits me, I lose the feeling, lose the edge I’m riding.

The man I was with prior never made me feel special, never made me feel beautiful. He never pulled out the stops to make me feel appreciated—instead, he treated me as an object of his physical desires. Tears start to well up in my eyes, but I try to hold them back.

“Tell me what you’re thinking, baby,” Frankie says suddenly, and I realize he’s stopped kissing me.

“It’s nothing,” I reply, an obvious lie.

“Bebita, please,” Frankie begs. “Tell me. What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”

I snort at his statement. My cheeks burn with fury and humiliation. I feel tears pressing against the backs of my eyes, wanting to break out. Every time I take a breath, it hurts, like I’ve torn something inside me that shouldn’t have been torn. It hadn’t been just one man who had reduced me to this; the last was just the worst. I’m angry at myself for not loving my body the way I should, but mostly, I’m angry that I ever let anyone tear me down the way they did, to reduce me to a shell of who I was or could be.

Putting both of his hands on my face, Frankie forces me to look at him. My vision is blurred from the tears I won’t allow to fall, but I can see the worry in his eyes.

“What do you see in me, Frankie?” I question, my voice a whisper. “I’m not in shape…I’m not pretty…I-”

His lips seal themselves around mine before I can say anything more, causing me to gasp in surprise. His tongue slips into my mouth, tenderly. I relax into the kiss, and after a moment, he pulls away.

“Are you crazy?” Frankie questions. “Each and every single thing about your body is beautiful.” His hands fall to the slope of my waist. “You are so fucking gorgeous that it hurts how gorgeous you are.”

I let out a sound that’s a mixture of a laugh and a sob. “That’s cheesy.”

“Yeah, I know,” Frankie chuckles. “But it’s true. My dick is so hard it feels like it could burst. That’s what you do to me.”

I smile.

“Do you believe me?”

“I want to.” I mean.

Frankie holds my face once more, his eyes staring at me softly. “You. Are. Beautiful.”

Who is this man? I wonder as I stare at him, pleasure blurring the edges of my vision. He wants me. He desires me. It’s clear in his face, in his eyes as they smolder with desire. His full lips are parted as he breathes more heavily, his broad chest rising and falling as he devours the sight of me standing before him. We’ve only been dating for a few weeks now but it feels like this is where I have always belonged, like this is what I am supposed to be doing. Is this real? Am I dreaming? Is this only going to lead to more hurt?

I don’t know…but a part of me wants to find out.

He pulls me in for a kiss, his lips soft and gentle against my mouth. Our teeth click together as he kisses me more fully, sweeping his tongue into my mouth to taste me again and again. His warm scent fills my head as our tongues find each other. When I break away, trying to catch my breath, his mouth immediately moves to my throat, kissing a hot trail to the spot behind my ear, where my pulse leaps madly.

“You deserve to be adored and worshiped,” he murmurs into my ear. “I look at you and I can’t believe how lucky I am to have found you.” He nibbles on my lobe before growling. “Can you feel how much I want you? Can you feel what you’re doing to me right now?”

“Yes,” I breath.

“I want you so fucking bad.” His teeth grab onto my lower lip and tug, making me moan again. Then he spends some time kissing along the line of my jaw before returning to ravage my mouth with his tongue. “Do you know the things I want to do with you? Do to you?”

“Tell me.”

“I want to lay you on the bed, spread your legs, bury my face in your pussy, and eat you out until you can’t remember you name. I want to make you come on my mouth, around my cock…”

My eyes go wide and I feel my cheeks flush with color. He isn’t even touching me and I’m so turned on I can feel my body clenching, wetness pooling between my legs. He makes me want him so much I think I can explode from the intensity of it. I’m shaking now, trembling with need and anticipation, and a little fear.

Frankie moves down to my neck, his lips and teeth working against my skin. His fingertips gently cup my breasts, pulling at my nipples. “I want you to scream my name.”

“Fuck,” I whimper, my hands clutching his back. “Touch me.”

“Greedy girl,” Frankie teases, grinning. He presses warm kisses against my throat and chest, moving slowly down my body.

“Please,” I whimper, taking his hand and gently guiding it down my body. “I want you to make me feel good. Please.” His fingers slip between my lips

Frankie groans as his fingers sink into my wetness, teasing my clit lightly before he gently makes contact with it. I shudder as my legs move apart, my fingers tangling in his dark hair, my pussy practically screaming with pleasure. It’s so intense I can’t even think straight.

He slips a finger inside of me and I let out a gasp, the sensation sending a wave of pleasure through my body. Frankie’s lips trail up my neck, pressing against my ear, and his voice is harsh, but gentle. “I’m going to make you feel so fucking good.”

Shivers run down my spine. I sink against him, capturing my lower lip between my teeth.

I whine when he removes his fingers from me, his hands returning to my face, lips crashing to mine. He backs me up until the back of my legs hit the bed and I fall onto the soft mattress. He climbs on top of me, his body weight pressing me down, a delicious feeling of submission washing over me.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes. Always.”

“Close your eyes.”

My eyes search his, a soft smile forming on my lips before doing as he commands.

“I need you to relax. To just feel. Can you do that for me?”

“Mhm.” I’m nervous, but I do as he says, my body sinking into the mattress as I try to relax. I sense him drop to his knees at the foot of the bed. He plants a kiss on my thigh, and I shudder beneath the feel of his warm, soft lips on my skin. I breath in deeply, the shakiness apparent.

“You are breathtaking,” Frankie praises between kisses. His hands grab either side of my hips, pulling me towards his face. He gently nuzzles my mound, inhales my scent. “And you smell like heaven. I can only imagine what you taste like. Fuck, I need to taste you.”

Need. Not want, but need. Fuck, yes.

“Taste me, Frankie. Please.”

My breath hitches when he licks his tongue against my clit. My hand fists the sheets, my thighs already shaking from the rush of sensation pouring through them.

“Oh, God!”

“You taste so good,” Frankie rasps. His deep voice sends a shiver over my skin. “I could eat you for breakfast, lunch, dinner and still not have enough of you.”

As I writhe, he slides a finger inside me, then a second, reaching the spot that helps lead me to detonation. My stomach clenches, the muscles in my legs tight.

“Frankie, yes! I’m…I…”

With all sense of rhyme and reason lost, I begin to shudder. He presses his fingers deep inside me, thrusting them slowly in and out. His tongue laps against me relentlessly, taking everything I have to give him. The cry of pressurized release that escapes my mouth is startling and loud.

“There it is,” I vaguely hear Frankie praise. “Good girl.”

He crawls on top of me, wiping the wetness from his facial hair with one hand as he hovers above me. God, I love the way his skin feels pressed against mine. “You did beautifully.”

“F-fuck. Fuck me,” I plead between pants.

“No,” Frankie states, planting a gentle kiss on my collarbone. “I don’t want to fuck you, baby. I want to make love to you. Please.” He is sincere. Desire burns in his eyes, free of the disgust of my last partner. “Please, let me have you.”

I nod, unable to speak. He kisses me, and I allow his tongue to seek mine, but he’s soon gone.

Frankie leans toward the nightstand and opens a drawer, pulling out a condom. Quivering in the dim light, I watch him tear the wrapper with his teeth and then roll the condom over his cock. It’s the first time I get a good look at it. Long, thick, and smooth – just like I’d pictured him.

He lines himself up at my entrance, looking me deep in the eyes as he pushes inside. It’s been so long since I’ve had a man inside me that I’m not sure I can take him all the way in, but he pushes in slow, giving me time to adjust.

“Frankie,” I gasp in surprise.

He groans, face nuzzled into my neck. “You feel incredible. So warm and tight.”

“Please, stop torturing me and move,” I beg, loving the feel of him stretching me but needing more. “Move!”

He grins and pulls out slowly, teasing me with just the tip before plunging back in. My back arches off the bed as I moan in pleasure. He kisses me, swallowing my moan as he pulls out once more then thrusts harder into me. Each thrust he makes shoots waves of pleasure through my body. I can feel the buildup of pleasure again, like it’s a ticking time bomb about to go off. He sets a steady rhythm. My nails dig into his back, urging him on.

“Fuck,” he moans. “I love your pussy. I love the way you feel. I love…I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I manage to utter before his lips crash against mine.

As he picks up the pace, I feel my body begin to tighten. I’m almost there, but I want him to come with me. I wrap my legs around his waist, urging him deeper. He groans and pumps into me faster, his breathing ragged.

“Come for me,” he breathes. “I’m close, but I need you there first.”

With one hand, I reach down and circle my clit. He kisses my neck, opening his mouth and swirling his tongue on the skin. I come so hard, screaming and going boneless. He slams into me one last time, burying his face into my neck, groaning long and low before collapsing beside me on the bed.

Once his breathing slows, he moves from the bed, leaving me with insecurities. Did I do something wrong? Did he not enjoy himself?

“I’ll be right back,” he utters then stumbles off to what I assume is the bathroom.

My heart races in my chest as my thoughts turn to everything we just did. I’ve never felt so adored, so appreciated, so loved. No one has ever made love to me like he did or talked to me the way he did. My ex-boyfriend hated how I looked and would insist that I cover up because of his discomfort with my body. I remember one night vividly – the night that absolutely broke me. I put on a sexy lingerie set hoping it would help make me feel beautiful. The moment he saw me, his face twisted in disgust.

“Can you put on a shirt or something?”

I try to shake the memory from my head, not wanting to taint the moment I just shared with Frankie. But it’s too late. The tears are already falling from my eyes. I turn onto my side, pulling a blanket over my body as I do. Then I cover my face with my hands, trying to will them away before Frankie returns.

Moments later, I feel the bed shift as Frankie climbs back in behind me, beneath the blanket. The warmth of him presses up behind me, holding me tight against him, his hands warm yet damp. It didn’t cross my mind until then that maybe he was going to get a wet towel to clean up – after-care another thing I’ve never experienced – but he no longer seems concerned about cleaning up.

“Hey. What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

I shake my head. “No. I’m fine.”

“Then why are you crying?”

“I just…I thought…” I close my eyes tight, wishing I could will the tears away. As much as it hurts, I want to be completely honest with him. “I’ve never been comfortable in my skin, Frankie. I mean, cellulite? I’m gross. Stretch marks? I’m not beautiful. Thigh gap? What the hell’s that?” I huff, a tear rolling down my cheek. “Loving myself has always been hard. Nobody has ever tried to make me feel good. Then, the last time I tried a relationship with a guy… He never wanted to have sex with me with the lights on. He made me wear a shirt so he wouldn’t have to see me. He made me feel disgusting.”

I turn onto my back, allowing myself to look at him. “I know I shouldn’t let it get to me, but I can’t help it.”

Rage flashes in his eyes. “I’ll fucking kill him.”

A smile tugs at the corner of my lips, but it disappears as quickly as it came. “He wasn’t the first, Francisco, and I don’t know that he’ll be the last.”

“He’ll be the last,” Frankie promises. His lips press against mine, his grip on my waist like a brand. I know he means it. He won't treat me that way because he’s nothing like the men I've dated in the past. Frankie will protect me from them.

“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice choked with emotion as I reach up to wipe away the trail of fallen tears on my face. “I know you didn’t sign up for all this baggage. I know I need some serious therapy. But I don’t know if I’ll ever be comfortable enough to have sex with the lights on. And it's not you that makes me feel this way - it's all me. Knowing my body is on full display… I just can’t focus, be present in the moment.”

I sigh, feeling a weight lift off my shoulders as I speak the truth. The darkness of a room is comforting, a soothing balm against the anxieties that plague me. My skin prickles at the thought of being seen under harsh lights, every imperfection laid bare for scrutiny.

Silence stretches between us before he speaks again, his voice gentle but firm.

“You’re right. I didn’t sign up for baggage. I signed up for you, and if that means helping you sort through your shit, then so be it. We’ll work through it together.”

“And if I can’t work past it?”

Frankie slides his hand up and cups the side of my face. “I don’t care about the lights. If I have to move into a cave just to be able to fuck you whenever I want, I’ll do it. I’ll install dimmer switches in every damn room of the apartment so you can find the level of light you feel comfortable with. And, if you didn’t already know, I really fucking love lingerie.”

“Yeah?” I question, raising an eyebrow while I roll onto my side and lay on an elbow.

“Yes. Fuck, yes. Just thinking about you in some little lace number is making me hard again.” He throws back his head and groans. “God, I’d come on sight.”

I giggle. I’d be lying if I said that doesn’t give me a little confidence boost.

“My point being…,” Frankie continues, looking at me again. “We can work together to find ways to make you comfortable.”

I melt at the thought that he’s already thinking about ways we can make this work, that he’s not pressuring me to do something that would make me uncomfortable for his pleasure. “Thank you for understanding, Frankie.”

He pulls me to him, and I rest my head between his collar and his jaw, my hand splaying out on his naked chest.

“I love you,” Frankie says, echoing the words he spoke early.

“I love you too.”

He kisses the top of my head. “I’ve got a lot of insecurities, too, you know.” His voice is quiet.

“Hm?” I question, rubbing my hand along his chest. “Like what?”

“Like the fact I can’t grow a facial hair for shit,” Frankie responds, sounding a bit grouchy about it. “It’s all patchy - like I’m a dog with mange or something.”

I can’t help the laughter that escapes my mouth, knowing he looks absolutely nothing like a mangey animal. I look up at him and cup his cheek, feeling his stubble prick my fingertips. “Are you serious? I think your patches are adorable. One of my favorite things about you.” I kiss the bare spot on the cheek closest to me.

He smiles. “And in case you didn’t notice, I have worse scars than a few stretch marks.”

“I have more than a few,” I point out. “Also, your scars are sexy. They’re proof of your bravery, your sacrifice, your honor. You should be proud of them.”

Frankie’s chest heaves as he scoffs. “Not all of them.” He falls silent for a moment, his gaze drifting away as if contemplating whether he should say more. And then, as if making up his mind, he gently takes my hand and guides my fingers to his left cheek. Beneath my fingertips, I can feel the roughness of scar tissue along his cheekbone, harder than the smooth skin that surrounds it. The warm touch of his skin sends shivers down my spine and I realize that I have noticed the scar there before but never questioned its appearance. It’s like an old friend who is always there but never talked about.

“I got this in a helicopter crash a few years ago – in Colombia.”

I can tell by the way he says the words, by the look on his face as he says them, that he hates remembering that time in his life.

“What happened?” I question, gently encouraging him to continue. To my surprise, he does, and it was unlike anything I’d ever expected.

Frankie tells me the whole story – how Santiago talked him and the others into conducting a reconnaissance of a Colombia drug kingpin’s compound on the pretext that they were aiding the government, then how they ended up deciding to raid the compound themselves, killing the narcos and leaving with the hundreds of millions of dollars hidden there. How Tom, who I've heard mention of before, became greedy and forced Frankie to take more money than their escape helicopter could carry, resulting in the crash. But he doesn’t end there. He tells me about the hostile cocaine farmers, about Tom’s death, the car chases and gunfights they endured transporting their friend’s body and whatever was left of the money back to his family.

A job that spiraled out of control into a mission from hell that cost lives.

“Jesus, Frankie…,” I utter when he finishes, shocked that he has been carrying the weight of that secret, but even more surprised that he felt comfortable enough to share that with me. “That… That’s a lot. Thank you for sharing that with me.”

Frankie’s eyes are focused on the ceiling. He closes them, inhales deeply. “I’ll understand if you want to walk out the door and never come back. I won’t blame you.”

I lay my hand back on his chest. “I’m not going anywhere.”

He looks at me, resting a large hand on top of mine. “Neither am I.”

I offer him a smile. “What happened in Colombia…it wasn’t your fault. You did what you had to do to survive. I hope you know that.”

Frankie nods, like he wants to believe me. “Anything bad that anyone has ever said about you or your body – it’s bullshit. You’re beautiful. And I don’t care how long it takes; I’ll spend every waking moment trying to make you believe that I need and love every inch of your body.”

My heart swells in my chest as he leans in and seals his promise with a kiss.

Frankie’s head turns, as if he can sense me watching him from across the room. The moment our eyes meet, his lips curl up in a mischievous grin. I smile back at him, unable to wrap my head around the fact that he has been mine for just over a year. A year filled with hurt and pain as we’ve dealt with our demons, far outweighed by all the laughter and love. A year where I finally understand what it means to be in a healthy relationship. A year where I’m finally starting to learn how to love myself – all thanks to the wonderful, patient, handsome man across the room.

I watch as he exchanges a few words with Benny before making his way toward me, patting his good friend on the shoulder with his beer-free hand as he passes him.

“You can’t just eye fuck me from across the room,” Frankie teases when he reaches me. “It’s Christmas, and there are children present.”

“Technically, it’s not Christmas,” you point out, the Miller brothers having gathered all their friends and family for a party the weekend before the holiday. “And unborn children don’t count,” I add, gesturing to Will’s girlfriend. “Which means I can eye fuck you all I want.” I gently jam a finger into his chest. “And don’t you dare act like you haven’t been undressing me with your eyes all damn night.”

“Well, it isn’t a surprise that I want to unwrap you when you look like the most tempting damn gift under the tree.”

I giggle to myself then take a sip of wine. If he only knew that I'm internally begging him to remove my clothing when we get back home. He has no idea about what I have underneath my dress or the things I have in store for him – it’s been a year in the making.

“I didn’t know you have a fetish for nicely wrapped presents. Probably something you should explore in therapy,” I tease.

It’s no secret that we both have entered therapy in the last year, Frankie for his PTSD and me for my body image issues. It was time. Frankie has been nothing but patient and understanding of my insecurities—and our sex life certainly isn’t lacking thanks to creative positions, blindfolds, and Frankie’s obsession with lingerie—but I realized I couldn’t ignore my demons forever. There is more to life than worrying about my appearance. I’m ready to experience it…tonight. I feel just bold and confident to finally give all of myself to him.

He just doesn’t know it.

“I only have a fetish for you,” Frankie playfully replies.

“Ugh! So cheesy!” I groan, playfully rolling my eyes. “You really think you’re going to get me in bed tonight with a line like that?"

Frankie chuckles, but takes it as a challenge. “You know, I told Santa not to even bother with Christmas gifts this year – because you look better than any present I could ever hope to open.”

I laugh. “Cheesier. Want to go for three?”

“Alright.” Frankie takes a step closer to me, bending close to my ear so only I can hear. “I hope you’re ready for a not-so-silent night”-I bite down on my lip, hiding my smile, anticipating whatever ridiculous thing is about to come out of his mouth-“because when we get home, I’m going to fuck you so long and so hard that you’ll be hoarse from screaming my name.”

I gasp, my eyes going wide, wearing a combination of surprise and excitement on my face. My heartbeat is erratic.

Frankie smirks, knowing exactly what his words are doing to me.

I can’t help but laugh. “I’m not going to let you get away with saying something like that in public.”

I feel the tip of his nose graze me, his lips moving closer to my ear.

“I’m counting on it,” he whispers, his words sending a shiver down my spine.

I turn my head to face him, and our eyes lock. I see the mischief and desire in his gaze, and I can't help but feel drawn to him.

“Think anyone will notice if we get out of here?” I question.

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

Without another word, he takes my hand and leads me out of the crowded house and onto the quiet street, leaving our drinks behind. The cool air hits us as we step outside, the night sky sparkling with stars above us. We walk in silence, the tension between us growing with each passing moment. Finally, he stops and pulls me close, his arms wrapping around my waist. I can feel the heat of his body against mine, and I know I won't be able to resist him for much longer.

He leans in and kisses me, his lips soft and gentle at first, then growing more urgent and demanding. I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer, and the passion between us ignites.

We stumble back against his truck, our bodies pressed tightly together. Frankie’s hands roam over my body, teasing and tantalizing me, and I can’t help but moan in pleasure, my skin tingling from his touch. The stubble along his jaw rubs my chin raw, but I hardly notice – I’m addicted to kissing him, and I want nothing more than to kiss and kiss and kiss for the rest of our lives. He tastes so good, and just the touch of his tongue against mine is enough to make my entire body tingle with lust. His erection presses into me, hot and throbbing even through the rough denim of his jeans, and I grind against him.

“Baby, if you don’t stop, I’m going to come.”

I dip my head back and moan, thinking how hot it would be if he came in his jeans right here, right now.

“Don’t tempt me,” I say as I grab his shirt and pull him in for another kiss, making sure I brush against his cock one last time before we break apart. “Alright. Fine. Let’s go.”

Frankie groans, then opens up the door of his truck and helps me inside. I scoot across the bench seat, wanting to be as close to him as possible. The entire drive home, our bodies are pressed up against each other, his hand on my thigh, rubbing my skin. I want him so bad, and it’s all I can do to not rip his fucking clothes off and fuck him right here in the truck.

Frankie pulls into the driveway of our home, one I moved into just weeks after he bought this past summer, then cuts the ignition and switches off the headlights. He hops out then grabs my hand, leading me into the house, straight to the bedroom. As soon as we reach the room, he kisses me like he needs me more than air. I could spend eternity kissing this man, and it would never be enough. But I want to feel him, his skin on mine, his lips on my body. I break the kiss, breathing hard, my lips tingling.

Frankie watches me, his eyes fixed on my every movement. He swallows, his throat moving with the action. I kiss his stubbled cheek and move to the buttons on his shirt, undoing them one by one. I push his shirt off, then help him remove the t-shirt beneath it, staring at his muscular arms and bronze skin. I trail my fingers down his stomach, following the trail of hair that disappears beneath his jeans, helping him unbuckle his belt and push his pants down.

“Your turn,” he says.

Smirking, I turn my back to him. “Turn on the lights, then help me with my dress.” I brush my hair to the side, allowing him easier access to my zipper, then look over my shoulder. His eyes are wide, his lips slightly parted. He stands there for a moment, as if trying to process what I just said.

I nod, letting him know it’s okay. “I trust you.”

My words force him to spring into action, flipping on the light and dimming it just enough to not be too bright and overstimulating. Then he steps behind me. His warm breath caresses my skin, his fingers nimbly lowering the zipper of my dress painfully slowly. He skims his fingers down my spine, making me come alive with sensation. My eyes flutter shut as he presses of series of tender kisses to my exposed skin.

Finally, my dress slides off me, leaving me in the satin and lace bustier set I had purchased especially for tonight, complete with garters holding up my stockings. I knew this set would drive him wild.

“Let me look at you,” Frankie says, helping me step out of the fabric pooled at my feet, then turning me towards him. He steps back, and I am suddenly feeling self-conscious as he devours me with his eyes.

“Jesus Christ,” he utters. He grips my hips, bringing me close to him, then falls to his knees. “Fuck, baby. Do you know what you do to me?” He plants a kiss to my covered stomach.

I smirk, reaching down to tip his chin up toward me. “How bad do you want me?”

He looks up at me, desire and need in his luminous eyes. “Bad. So fucking bad. I need you.”

I bite my lip, not quite ready to give myself to him yet. “You know, you never told me what you want for Christmas.”

“You,” he growls, planting a kiss on my thigh. “I only want you.”

“You can’t unwrap me,” I point out.

“I could. Will you let me?”

“It’s not Christmas,” I remind him, trying my best to sound stern.

“Baby, please, let me unwrap you.” He breathes heavily against my thigh while planting wet kisses, his hands gripping my hips. It’s clear he wants me desperately. How can I say no?

“Merry Christmas, Frankie,” I say, giving him all the permission he needs.

“Fuck yes.” He slowly runs his hands up my thighs, causing me to sway. Unhooking one of my stockings, he slides it down and kisses my thigh inch by inch, lifting my foot to slide my stiletto then stocking. He continues with the same action on the other leg, then places his hands on my hips. His fingers hook around the elastic of my panties and pulls them down, his eyes locked on mine as he does so.

When my panties join the floor, he is back at my center, his breath hot on my skin. I don’t dare move. Don’t dare say a word. I simply wait for his next move while reminding myself how to breath.

“So beautiful,” he mumbles.

“Wait. One more thing,” I manage to say, reaching back to unclasp my bra. I allow the final piece of my undergarments to fall to the floor, and, for the first time, I am completely on display for him to see.

Frankie looks up at me, his eyes dark. He is trembling with desire. “You’re perfect…but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

I blush, feeling self-conscious, but I’m not going to let my thoughts consume me. My body is worthy of love and respect as it is. Frankie is right: I am perfect.

“I want to. Now, fuck me with your mouth, Francisco.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

My muddled brain screams as he gently runs the tip of his nose up my center. His grip strengthens on my hips, kneading my flesh beneath his fingers. Then his mouth meets my lower lips. A gentle, wet kiss. Then another and another. His tongue darts out and flatters against my seam as he slowly licks up my center. He hands cup my ass and tug me closer, bringing me to the center of his mouth, his tongue licking up my lips again, tasting me with unmatched hunger, flicking at the small bundle of nerves.

My breath escapes in small gasps. I can no longer think. My brain has shut down, only allowing me to feel, and he feels incredible.

“You taste so fucking good,” Frankie groans.

“Don’t stop,” I gasp out, gripping his head with both hands and rocking my hips toward his face. “It feels too fucking good.”

I buck against him, pushing his face harder and harder against me. His breath is hot as he moans into me, sending vibrations through my sensitive flesh. His stubble scrapes against my skin as he presses harder and harder into me. The tip of his nose nudges me, just beyond the hooded flesh. It’s too much and not enough. My orgasm refuses to crest over the edge, an elusive peak that lies just before I can feel happiness wash over me in a torrential wave of pleasure.

“Frankie,” I pant. “I need your cock.”

“No,” he growls, his eyes intense when he gazes up at me. He slips a finger inside me and watches as it slides in and out of me, thrusting through the hot wetness with practiced ease until I’m soaking wet with need for him.

“Please,” I beg, my frustration growing as the tension builds inside me, refusing to snap.

“I want you to come,” Frankie says, looking up at me. “You deserve it.”

“I-I can’t,” I admit, ready to throw in the white flag. “I don’t know if I can.”

“You can,” he assures me. “You’re doing so well. You’re so close, but you’re holding back. I know this is scary for you, but you can do it. Just focus on what you feel. Okay?”

I nod. “Okay.”

“Let go, baby, and I promise I’ll give you what you want.”

I nod, and Frankie dives back in, assaulting my clit while fucking me with his fingers. He swirls his tongue around my clit before sucking it into his mouth and lightly biting down on the tiny nub. I cry out as waves of pleasure start to sweep over me. The heat between my legs is spreading, pooling outward until there's a tingling in my chest that makes me huff for breath before I moan.

“Frankie… I’m gonna… I…”

“Come on, baby… There it is…”

“Yes!”

My entire body tightens, stills, melts all at once. My fingers dig into his shoulder blades, scrabbling for purchase in case I fall over with the pleasure of it all.

I am completely unaware of my surroundings until I feel my back hit the bed, Frankie crawling up my body and spreading my legs with his knees. He kisses up my throat, stopping at my chin.

“How do you want it?”

“Ride you,” I breath. “I want to ride you.”

“You sure?”

“Yes. Frankie, please. Let me ride your cock.”

He nips my chin one last time. “You’re so pretty when you beg.”

Frankie rolls off me then pulls himself up the bed to rest his back against the headboard. He holds out his hand and I take it, helping me climb on top of him so that I'm straddling his thighs. I push up on my knees and grip his cock, positioning it near my opening.

“Look down while you take it,” Frankie commands. “Watch as your beautiful pussy swallows my cock.”

I rest my hands on his shoulders for balance, then look down, my eyes locked on where our bodies join while slowly sinking down. Our skin is wet with sweat, and I can smell the sweet scene of my pussy and a hint of Frankie mixed in with the salt and musk. He fills me like our bodies are meant for one another. For a moment, I imagine that this is all either one of us will ever need; there is no doubt that we were made for each other, and we have more love for each other than most couples ever know.

Frankie’s groan echoes off the walls. “Fuck…” His head falls back against the headboard. He rests his hands on my hips and holds me there. “You’re killing me. You feel so good.”

“You sure you can handle me, Frankie?” I ask with a smirk, running a hand over his chest.

“Your pussy is like fucking magic.” He squeezes my hip with one hand then cups my breast with the other, like he wants to touch me everywhere all at once. “Let me see you ride me, baby. I want to watch you ride my cock.”

I stop torturing us both and work my hips in slow circles, adjusting to the feel and fullness of him. I look into his heavily lidded eyes, watching as he winces in ecstasy with every slow and sensual roll of my hips. He keeps his gaze on my face, never moving his attention as I ride his cock.

My gaze drops, landing on my body as it ripples and jiggles with the movement of my hips. The pleasure rises within me, but I am embarrassed at the sight of my own flesh moving to that rhythm. God, is this how he sees me? I want to hide. Would it be ridiculous to reach for the sheets and cover myself?

“Eyes on me, bebita.”

Immediately, my eyes meet his. His gaze burns into me as if nothing else matters, and I don't care about anything except him and how much he loves me, how good he makes me feel.

“You ride my cock so well and look amazing doing it. Think you can come on my cock?”

Heat pools inside me. I move faster, shamelessly grinding myself against him.

“That’s it,” he encourages. “Take what you need from me.”

My nails score his skin as I ride him fast, like we’re in a race to the finish line. Breath rasping, teeth clenched, a wild determination fuels my movements.

“Take it, baby,” Frankie encourages, giving me all the power, making this all about my pleasure, my enjoyment. “Use me to get where you need to go.”

He presses a palm flat against my lower stomach. The extra pressure sends a sharp ribbon of euphoria spiraling through me. My movements grow erratic, and I babble absolute nonsense. All the tension inside me explodes, rippling and spreading to every nerve ending.

“Yes, baby. That’s my girl.” He drives himself up into me, brutal thrusts that draw out my own pleasure. He curses and thrusts again, once, twice, then his body stills. He groans, releasing inside me.

Frankie brushes my hair back, pulls my head to his, and captures my lips with his as my jumbled brain regains consciousness. After having his fill, he releases my lips and smiles at me.

“Hi.”

I return his smile. “Hi.”

“Are you okay?”

I nod, my smile widening. “Yeah. I-I did it.”

“You did it,” he echoes. “I’m so fucking proud of you.”

I move off him and lay beside him, tucked safely in his arms, not knowing what to say next. He pulls a sheet on top of us and we lay in silence for some time, enjoying the feel of the gentle rhythm of his breathing.

“I love you,” I finally say, breaking the silence.

“I love you too.”

I nestle in closer to him, loving the way his voice rumbles though his chest to mine when we’re this close.

“What are you thinking?” I question, sensing that his mind is running a million miles a minute.

“About how I wasn’t lying when I said I only want you for Christmas. Nothing you can buy me will be better than the last year with you, and I want more. So much more.”

I hum, completely blissed out. “Me too.”

“Marry me then.”

I laugh, then move my head to look up at him. “I swear to God, Francisco, if this is another Christmas pun-”

“It’s not.” His face reflects his seriousness. “I’m asking you to marry me.”

I push myself up in bed, my mind reeling, wondering if I came so hard that I passed out and I’m dreaming.

“I was going to wait until Christmas morning,” he continues. “Had this whole thing planned out. But I can’t wait anymore.”

My mouth falls open, and I try to wrap my head around his words. “You’re serious?”

“I’m serious.” Frankie reaches out, laying a hand on top of mine. “If I could have picked the woman I wanted to spend my life with, I never would have been able dream up you. You’re kind, beautiful, gorgeous, funny, you have a heart of gold, and most importantly, you love me for who I am despite my imperfections.”

He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, seeming to watch the flickering emotions that must be passing across my face.

Emotion tears through his throat, causing his voice to become husky. “I love you, and I want to spend every second of the rest of my life reminding you just how beautiful and amazing you are. I want you to be the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see at night – always. Will you marry me?”

Tears course down my face as I shift to my knees and throw my arms around his neck. My lips meet his, giving him his answer. I’m insecure and hesitant about a lot of things in life, but there is not a single doubt in my mind about this.

I pull back, my hands cupping his neck. “Is this real? Like, really real?”

A small laugh escapes his lips before nodding. “It’s real. I have a ring. It’s hidden in the branches of the tree in the living room.”

My heart pounds with happiness. “I don’t need the ring. I only need you.”

A chuckle rumbles through him, and he kisses me with a greedy kind of joy that makes my toes curl. “Is that a yes?”

“Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes."

#frankie morales #francisco catfish morales #francisco morales #pedro pascal #triple frontier #pedro pascal characters #triple frontier fanfiction #pedrostories #catiewrites #triple frontier fanfic #frankie catfish morales #pedro pascal smut

170 notes · View notes

quokkawritesarchive · 4 months

Text

DATING JISUNG AS AN ASEXUAL.

a/n: surprise surprise! random confession of the day: i am ace and have zero sexual experience, so everything that i’ve written is just my pure imagination or based on porn. to be honest, i’ve been struggling a lot with my asexuality again after i created this blog. this is why i thought that it’s time to write something realistic (lol), as if i am actually gonna date jisung. let me be delulu for a second.

sex doesn’t make a relationship more real. that’s what you’ve been telling yourself ever since you came out as asexual. even though you were comfortable with your sexuality by that time, you were still extremely anxious about coming out to your possible future partners. especially when your possible future partner could be han jisung of all people. you two were still in a talking stage when you decided that it’s time to tell him before it got too serious. as expected, he didn’t know how to act. he had never met an asexual person before, so he was lost and confused. you knew that there was a possibility that he would stop contacting you, but you still told him anyway and gave time to process the new information.

jisung did not take long to come in contact with you again. you were stressing for a whole week, but when you finally saw a message from him your face lit up. he was asking you on another date. jisung being jisung had spent whole week researching asexuality. he had read every possible article and watched so many videos just so he could understand you better. he really got a crush on you. you appeared to be the first even person who made him the happiest person on earth, always making him smile, and he felt so safe with you. jisung loved you, he did not want to lose you and that’s all that mattered at that moment. you started dating.

at first, jisung thought he would struggle without having sex, but honestly, it worked out better than he expected. with his busy schedule, he had no time to even think about sex. of course it was a different story when he was spending days and nights with you. it took him some time to get used to it and discover different ways of self-pleasure. besides, if you were in the mood, you actually helped him jerk off.

once that was settled, you realized how perfect of a boyfriend jisung is. he always takes care of you and makes sure you feel comfortable. he kisses you on the forehead before you go to sleep, and then plays with your hair. when you are apart, he texts a lot; he misses you every day, thinking about cuddling with you while falling asleep. jisung’s first task of the day is to send you a voice message telling you how much he loves you. that raspy sleepy voice makes you miss him even more and wish you could wake up next to him every day.

and since kisses are allowed, be prepared to receive tons of it during the day. jisung stares at your lips shamelessly, when you are talking to him, making you blush. even when you are dating, he is still rizzing you up, making you giggle at his stupid pick-up lines. oh yeah, and jisung definetely does the triangle method before kissing you. he also loves giving you a lot of neck kisses and always tries to leave a mark on your skin.

jisung always lets you wear his clothes because you just look so so cute in them. when you return the clothes, he doesn’t wash them, so he could smell your scent.

back hugs! oh, jisung loves back hugs! he uses every chance to get you in his embrace and doesn’t let you go, even if you ask him. “just one more minute, baby. you are so soft, you know that?”.

jisung does the best dates and always tries to impress you. he would actually go out in public, just so you could visit new places together.

jisung is so shy when you give him affection. he melts under your touch, pink blush appears on his puffy cheeks afterwards. and he always giggles when you take pictures of him. “jagiiiii, i don’t even look good right now! stop taking pictures, you are making me blush so much!”

you would have never imagined how perfect jisung is as a boyfriend. he makes you feel like you are the most important person in his life. he knows how often you doubt yourself and think of yourself as a “bad girlfriend” because you don’t want to have sex; but he always lets you know that he loves you the way you are and sex is not everything in a relationship.

#stray kids #skz x reader #han jisung #skz jisung #skz han #asexual #asexuality #skz asexuality #headcanon

90 notes · View notes

salty-croissants · 5 months

Text

Tu sais je vais t’aimer ( Bullfrog x g/n reader )

It’s been a while since I made a story unrelated to requests … I just felt like doing something a little different since I recently noticed that we have reached 110 followers , which is just -

Broo !! :,0

I really wanted to take the opportunity to thank you all so much for being so supportive of my little headcanons and stories for Bullfrog and Rayman , you’re all really amazing and kind and you’ve really made me feel like home here on Tumblr …

I may be a bit too busy and ( most of all ) shy to interact much with everyone , but I really do appreciate you guys … thank you so much , I mean it :,) ❤️

Now then , onto the actual story , I’ve recently stumbled upon this beautiful French song , and at some point a random inspiration for a Bullfrog fic hit me :

what if the reader decided to surprise their beloved frog boy by singing him this song ? Maybe for a special occasion , like the one year anniversary of the relationship ?

It just seemed too wholesome of a concept for me to let go , so I ended up writing this :,)

I also added a translation in English for the lyrics , because it’s just so cute and it melted my heart when I read it ;//;

Hope this turned out okay !

Details : use of g/n reader who likes to sing and can play piano ;

established relationship ;

no warnings needed

It had been a very long , tiresome day for Bullfrog …

The last mission the Warden had assigned him and his companions had been filled with complications , and this could easily be guessed by his bruises and ripped clothes .

Even as someone who took pride in his job , he yearned for nothing more than to find a quiet place to rest … hopefully in the arms of his beloved .

He also hadn’t forgotten about what a special time this was , so before going back to you he had managed to pass by a flower shop and buy a bouquet of your favorite flowers : the thought of your smile in front of his gift was the one thing that was keeping him from dropping on the ground for sheer exhaustion .

< I’m back mon amour ! Sorry for being late , this was a much more difficult task than I anticipated … >

Bullfrog stopped , slightly alarmed by the fact that you weren’t behind the door to greet him like usual :

you were always so happy to see him whenever he got back , so it was quite strange …

He closed the door as quietly as possible and begun to walk , attentive to every single sound to avoid anything sneaking by him .

If something had happened to you , he was more than ready to rescue you and defend you from any possible threat , exhausted or not …

But it was then that he heard it : someone was playing the piano in the living room , and when he finally reached it his eyes widened …

You were there , as beautiful as ever , and as soon as your eyes met you smiled softly at him and started to sing …

< Tu sais je vais t'aimer même sans ta présence

( You know I'm going to love you even without your presence )

Je vais t'aimer même sans espérance

( I will love you even without hope )

Je vais t'aimer tous les jours de ma vie 🎶

( I will love you all the days of my life ) >

Bullfrog wanted to say so many things in that very moment , and yet he was so overwhelmed by joy that he couldn’t bring himself to speak …

He just walked forward , sitting on a chair next to you while listening to the sound of your voice .

< Dans mes poèmes, je t'écrirai c'est toi que j'aime …

( In my poems I will write to you it is you that I love )

C'est toi que j'aimerai tous les jours de ma vie🎶

( It's you that I would love all the days of my life ) >

He looked up at you in awe , nodding his head to the beat , and as soon as the song ended and your hands left the piano you finally turned around once more to look at your boyfriend .

< Happy anniversary , love ~

God , you won’t believe how many months it took to learn how to pronounce everything correctly … buut , I just really wanted to do something special for you , you know ? I hope I didn’t butcher too many words …

Also sorry for being so quiet before , I didn’t mean to scare you , but I wanted to surprise you and - >

Worry immediately filled your eyes when you took a better look and noticed the bruises on his face , but Bullfrog shook his head , caressing your cheek with one hand …

< Don’t you think about that my dear , it’s nothing … besides , receiving something so beautiful from you as a gift was enough to make it all better . >

He smiled at you tenderly , watching you leave a kiss on his palm .

< Thank you , y/n … je t'aime tellement … ~ >

You let out a little chuckle , unable to stop your cheeks from turning red in front of his loving words …

< I love you too , Bullfrog … I’m really lucky to have you , you know ? >

Before you could even realize it , the distance between your faces diminished more and more , until eventually your lips met into a much anticipated and needed kiss .

You closed your eyes , letting out a sigh while holding Bullfrog in your arms , and you could feel all the tension in his body instantly melt to your touch as he gladly leaned into it …

Eventually you both pulled away , staring into each other’s eyes and enjoying that precious moment of intimacy .

< We should probably get you patched up now , sweetie … those bruises look painful . >

< Alright alright , but before that , here … >

< *gasp* - you remembered my favorite flowers ! Thank you Bullfrog , these look beautiful ! >

< Don’t mention it mon cher , it’s not quite as good as your gift , but … >

< Are you kidding ? I love them ! We should put them in some water before they start wilting … >

As the two of you carried on with your conversations , glad to finally be together , the sun started to disappear behind the tall skyscrapers of the city … some of the nightly neon lights were already starting to illuminate the crowded streets .

It had certainly been a one year anniversary to remember .

youtube

#captain laserhawk #x reader #bullfrog x reader #bullfrog captain laserhawk #captain laserhawk bullfrog #captain lazerhawk bullfrog #gender neutral reader #Youtube

106 notes · View notes

chloeangelic · 5 months

Note

Why does it seem like everything you've put out lately is just trying to rip off netherfeildren? Like the art, the plots, the aesthetics... Especially weird since you used to seem to always hype them up

I went back and forth on responding to this but I’ve decided to because I don’t appreciate having my integrity questioned. I kind of expected that I'd get something like this because there are some thematic similarities between Seeking and SWITBOSH. However, I won’t respond publicly to anything else like this cause I think we’re all very over The Discourse, and tbh it’s a massive fucking insult to accuse me of ripping someone off when I’ve spent seven months writing ca 200k words of fic and developing my own unique style of writing. If you can’t see the difference between two writers, just because they write emotional depth and full sentences, then please read an actual book and not just brainrot fic. I’m gonna properly address everything under the cut - anon domming is back on the menu today.

That being said, because this feels weird and uncomfortable for me and likely for Vic, I’m turning off anons for the time being and I’m taking a posting break to decide whether I want to continue posting here at all or continue posting purely on AO3. I post there anyways under the same name. If you still have a bone to pick with me or my writing, please message me directly. Please do NOT pester Vic about this, I know very well that she does not enjoy The Discourse or any sort of drama. Everyone is sick of the copying discourse - please have some trust in writers’ self awareness.

Firstly, the words “recently” and “plots” should be defined here - I personally don’t see how stepdaddy Joel, pornstar Tim, sex addict Dieter, baby daddy Javi or any of Love Me back is similar to her works at all. The Seeking teaser I posted yesterday was similar to her Pink teasers purely because it had text on a photo - my text wasn’t even from the fic, it was a quote that represented the series as a whole and the quote that finally made the series crystallize in my head. It’s the quote I want people to have in the back of their mind when they go into reading it - it’s from the song that I consider the series theme. Our formatting is not the same. Yes, I have quotes at the beginning of the chapters - my friend sent me a bunch of poems and a couple, I felt were relevant to the story so I wanted to add them somehow. Several writers do this. I stopped putting in previews above the cut cause it was making it difficult for me to write the beginning of the chapters. My masterlist art is the same as, like.. Everyone’s else’s masterlist post - the norm on here is to have an artwork from Pinterest, the title slapped on top and the writer’s name. I literally just loved Pascalisbaby’s masterlist art so much I decided to do it too.

When you say plots, I’m assuming you’re drawing parallels between Seeking what is desirable and Someone’s Wife in the Boat of Someone’s Husband because cheater!Joel (or maybe even Pink cause DDLG, but I’m literally in a DDLG-type dynamic irl and I decided to incorporate it into a fic for once - there were CLEAR ddlg undertones in Love Me Back, it just wasn’t explicit. I also wrote several chapters of Seeking before Pink even came out, and I wrote a cheating + father in law oneshot this summer).

The MC in Seeking is based on myself and my own life, moving away from my parents in order to live with my boyfriend at the time very far away, who ended up being extremely absent and shitty. MC+Jeremiah relationship is based on Adam and Hermine from EXIT, Jeremiah is based on Tony Soprano, Gwen is based on Janice Soprano + a story I heard from my cousin about how his wife let him do all the childcare while she went on a women’s retreat. They are not in a marriage of convenience, the MC doesn’t feel bad about the affair at all, she never pushes him away, and Gwen has no plans on leaving. Sarah and Ellie are both 16 and living with Joel in Seeking. The MC does not have similarities to Sarah like she does in Love Me Back (which was also literally based on my own life) or Someone’s.

MC is a teacher who cheats with Joel - so is the MC in my post outbreak series I wrote many months ago. They're drawn to each other immediately cause I hate slow burn fics and I didn't feel like writing two chapters of him fucking someone else this time around. She goes out intending to cheat, and he thinks it'll sustain him for the next several years. The first thing I thought up in this entire series was Jeremiah - I had his character crystallized in my head for weeks before I planned anything else.

Of course Joel is unhappy in his marriage - neither Vic or myself would write a Joel who cheats for fun, that’s just not something either of us finds interesting. It actually started as a Sopranos AU, but I decided against going that route cause I don’t know enough about white collar crime. Also, if you are familiar with my writing you’ll know I love writing infidelity - it shouldn’t be a surprise that I’m writing a series with this as the central theme. The central question for Seeking is when is it okay to cheat? That’s what the entire fic is about. It’s not about him finding the love of his life after marrying someone else (like the summary of Someone’s), it’s about two instances of cheating and how we justify those two scenarios. Of course it has a happy ending - I’ve used up my non-happy ending quota for the year.

I’m not sure what you mean by aesthetics - Vic actually edits really nice graphics for all of her Mando chapters. She spends a bunch of time on those, and you’re doing a disservice to her by overlooking how unique her artwork is and how much effort it takes. She also made really cool teasers for Pink. I’m way too lazy for any of that, I just slam a moodboard together. I started doing 3 slot moodboards cause the 6-7 slot ones were a hassle. The fact that only art pieces are used in this series is half coincidence, half me being sick of trying to fit Pedro pics into the moodboards when the colors are often wrong.

I literally texted with her when I planned this series, saying I was afraid people would accuse it of being a ripoff of Someone’s, purely due to the Joel infidelity + uninterested wife factor, and she did not think the overall plot was similar enough to be of concern. I still hype her up, she just doesn’t post as often now so I don’t reblog as often, that’s pretty simple. I’ve also asked Iris, my editor, SEVERAL TIMES if it reads too similar to Someone’s or anything Vic has written - she is extremely familiar with both of our works and she did not think so. What exactly am I supposed to do when I’ve gotten the green light from everyone?

This specific anon didn’t mention the actual writing, though, which is funny and it makes sense because I don’t write like Vic and I don’t try to. Her vocabulary is way larger than mine, the diction and syntax are not similar at all. She actually uses metaphors, I use them very rarely and only when it’s super dramatic. My writing isn’t poetic, it’s not flowery, it’s not formal - it’s literally just how I think inside my own head. When I read my own writing, I imagine Charles Gross doing a dramatic reading. I learn like one new word every month and eventually I’ll add it to my writing when it’s something I’m confident using irl. She has a lot of depth to her fics, I also try to write with emotional depth - I’m sorry if that’s unfamiliar in a landscape of dbf porn with no plot and 5 word sentences (I’m shading my own first series here). Seeking reads more similar to the first series I ever wrote, which I never posted, than anything else I’ve written. Half of Seeking is also straight up daydreaming sequences cause that’s literally how I think - the MC lives a boring life and daydreams, so do I.

I’ve learned a ton from reading Vic’s stuff - I don’t read that much irl cause I rarely find English novels captivating, but her writing has really made an impression on me. I talk constantly about how much her writing makes me cry, and it really does. Reading her stuff has absolutely influenced me to be more confident about weaving in actions and little plot points that are more vulnerable and personal to myself, and that adds a lot of depth it otherwise wouldn’t. I’m very inspired by her, of course I am - but I know the difference between being inspired and trying to leech.

I’m sorry my writing style has developed. I’m sorry I no longer write like I did in April, with matter-of-factly short sentences and little emotional depth. I have short series and long series because some plots deserve more emotional depth and some don’t need it. I wouldn’t bother writing anymore if all I did was shady lawyer Joel or Father Joel and I never improved.

If you don’t enjoy my writing, please just unfollow. I’ve seen other fics on this platform that read similar to mine, some that have exactly the same plot points/origin stories, and at no point have I thought they were ripping me off. At some point, this specific fandom needs to realize that it’s possible for two writers to have similar ideas without it being one person copying the other. My personal opinion is that if you copy someone’s plot, you won’t be able to execute it well because you don’t have the ideas necessary to actually flesh it out. If you’re familiar with my writing, you know damn well I’m capable of coming up with my own ideas and plots. I feel zero need to rip other people's in order to gain traction - I have enough followers and idgaf how many notes anything gets. Please don’t overestimate my ability to give a fuck about my popularity in this fandom.

Anyways, thanks for making me want to vomit, anon, you truly made me feel like shit today and I hope you have a great night! I’m not sure how much I’ll be checking tumblr for a while so feel free to message me on discord under the same name.

#chloe answers

41 notes · View notes

ficklepicklefandoms · 2 years

Text

gina’s brother - mick schumacher

word count: 2.1k

summary: loosely based off of Cate’s Brother by Maisie Peters

warnings: book a dentist appointment before reading this as your teeth will rot from all this fluff.

notes: i have not written in years and have never written anything f1 related so this is seriously out of my comfort zone. please enjoy, any feedback is so appreciated! so close for mick again today but it’ll happen soon i know it! also, i imagine esteban grabbing mick like that in this fic so please enjoy this adorable visualisation :)

I hadn’t seen Gina in what seemed like forever. So, when she called saying she had some free time I jumped at the opportunity to invite her to the costume party I was throwing at my home. She had mentioned something about her brother and some friends having some time off for summer as well, so I obviously extended the invite to them.

Gina and I had met on an exchange as teens. Regardless of the fact that she was a few years older, we immediately bonded for life after a particularly messy evening exploring our exchange town. We were out a little later than curfew and decided to scale a wall to get back to our host home. Let’s say it wasn’t smooth sailing and we landed in a bush. It still makes me laugh to this day.

Now I stood, giddy in my bathroom, making sure my costume was smoothed out and not too obscene. The black catsuit completed my body well and my makeup looked pretty good. I adjusted the homemade belt on my waist, severely proud of my basic handiwork. I had chosen to be Black Widow and belts with her symbol are not easy to come by. So, I cut my own out of cardboard, got some old paint out of the cupboard and stuck it on with super glue.

The sound of something hitting the floor snapped me out of my daydream as I speedily left the bathroom to find the source of the noise. A few of my close friends had decided to get ready for the party at my house, drinking as they did so and knocking a tower of plastic cups onto the floor of my kitchen. I laughed as they scrambled to pick them up and place them back on top of each other before grabbing a drink for myself as I waited for others to arrive.

Soon the house was full of people, music blaring, sweaty bodies dancing together, and many different wigs were being passed around. It was like any other party, just with one too many fake moustaches and sunglasses. My objective for the night was to have fun and not be too hungover in the morning as well as finding Gina and catching up. But when I bumped directly into a body on the way to the kitchen, I almost had a heart attack.

‘Gina Schumacher, you’ve not changed one bit!’ I screamed over the loud music and the sounds of beer pong, crushing her into a hug. She was dressed as an angel, a fathered halo sitting atop her head and large wings on her back.

‘Y/N L/N, you have certainly changed! Look at you, you’re a woman!” She laughed, pulling away from the hug but continuing to rub her hands up and down my arms. Finally coming into my surroundings, I saw a man dressed as devil smiling behind her giving me a small wave.

‘Hey, just because I filled out and got a curve or two doesn’t mean I’ve completely changed. Who’s the devil with the smile like an angel?’ I laughed as she introduced me to the man, her boyfriend Iain.

The three of us chatted for a while, making our way to the kitchen to grab a drink before moving outside to the garden for fresh air. Gina’s phone buzzed as Iain and I traded stories about her, much to her dismay. I looked her way and noticed she had a small smile on her face and a mischievous glint in her eye as she leant over to me.

‘Y/N, did you meet my brother?’ She asked before standing up to wave at someone through the glass doors, directing them to where we sat on the grass.

‘No, I didn’t.’ I answered as I turned around to face the direction of where her mysterious brother was coming from. That was when my heart started beating faster than a freight train. I saw the person who was undoubtedly Gina’s brother, his stark blonde hair and similar complexion giving it away immediately.

He slid the glass door open as he chatted to a taller, dark-haired man beside him before waving at Gina and locking eyes with me. I noticed his costume and he noticed mine, a smile exhale coming from our mouths as he walked in my direction. He was dressed as fucking Captain America.

I knew my jaw had gone slightly slack, but I couldn’t take my eyes off him. His eyes pierced into mine and in that moment, I thanked whatever higher powers that be for allowing me to experience something like this. The blue in his eyes had me in such a deep trance that I couldn’t remember standing up to greet him and his friends.

I was introduced to his friends first, only taking my eyes away from his to chat to a few of them. The one called Esteban kept glancing between the two of us as he spoke to me, his tinfoil Bucky Barnes arm shining under the glinting of the fairy lights I had hung around to light up the normally dark garden. Gina thrust herself between me and Esteban and grabbed my shoulders as Esteban grabbed Mick’s and turned him towards me. turning to Gina’s brother

‘Mick, this is my old friend Y/N. Y/N, this is my brother Mick.’ Gina spoke in an overly sweet voice, as her and Esteban pushed the two of us away from the larger group quickly before making their way back over to the group.

‘You’re the girl who fell in the bush.’ He said, holding out a hand for me to shake. I slipped my own into it and shook it slowly, silently hoping he wouldn’t let go too quickly. Spoiler alert, his hand lingered.

‘I hope that’s not the only thing Gina told you about me, there’s a lot more to me than that I can assure you.’ I smiled, letting out a breathy laugh in an attempt to conceal my slight embarrassment.

‘I heard something about you and an onion, but it’s been a while since I’ve heard it. Would you mind telling me the story over a drink, Agent Romanoff?’ I blushed at the mention of the onion story and the fact he called me Agent Romanoff.

‘I think I’ll take you up on that offer, Captain Rogers.’ I whispered lightly as we walked to the kitchen, my hand finding his to not lose him in the crowded hallways. We made our way to the kitchen, getting drinks before stopping there to talk.

I felt like I was on fire as we spoke, every part of me was sweating. I had done the thing where I imagined our whole life together in blur within my mind in a split second, the wedding, the babies, the everything, before pulling myself out of that very stupid hole and reminding myself one thing like a mantra, do not get obsessed you have only just met him.

We spent the whole night together talking, me perched on my kitchen counter and him in a respectable space between my legs. I told him the story of me and the onion along with a few others as he told me of his Formula 1 career. He spoke so animatedly about it all, holding my attention with every single word that left his lips. But as the party began to wind down, we found ourselves not wanting to part. We eventually had to, but not without plans for breakfast the next morning.

Breakfast ran on into lunch and dinner not just for one day but for the entirety of this three-week summer break. We spent every waking moment together, whether it be going to the movies with Gina and Iain, picnics in the park, coffee with Esteban and Elena or speeding down the coast on his bike. We never left each other’s side.

As our motorcycle ride was coming to an end one night, something shifted. He did as he always did. He took off my helmet for me, smoothed down my hair and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. I wrapped my arms gently around him as we took each other in, when I realised that the summer break would be coming to an end in a few short days and what we had might be too.

We stayed there standing against his bike outside my house in silence just holding each other. I began to pull away when suddenly a car drove past with its windows down, blaring Aerosmith’s I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing. We looked at each other in that moment and took in a breath, smiling.

‘And I don’t wanna miss a thing.’ We both quietly sang. I knew it in that moment. I was completely and utterly in love with Mick Schumacher.

‘I don’t you know. I don’t want to miss a single part of you and your life, our life.’ Mick whispered, pulling me closer. ‘I want to see everything with you, and I want to do everything with you because I’ve realised that with you, I am the best version of me that I could ever possibly be. There is no one on the planet who makes me feel the way you make me feel. Ever since I saw you at that party, in that slinky little costume, I knew. I knew that I was completely obsessed with you, and I always will be’

By the time he was finished I had forgotten to how breathe, just staring at him with adoration pouring from every part of me. He saw it in my eyes I know he did. We knew everything about each other already. And he knew I wouldn’t find this weird or too soon, there was no way I could think that because I felt exactly the same.

‘Are you trying to tell me that you’re in love with me Mick?’ Small tears had formed in my eyes at this point, and I felt as if I could jump on the moon.

‘Yes.’ He spoke barely above a whisper with small tears also in his eyes. In the illumination of the streetlamps his eyes still shone the brightest of blue.

‘I’m in love with you too, Mick. For as long as I live, I will never have more love for anything or anyone than the amount of love I have for you.’ I answered, wrapping my arms further around his middle, clinging onto him in the humid night.

‘Well, that’s a relief.’ He joked as I let out a hearty laugh, euphoria spreading through my body at his revelation. ‘I was wondering if you’d like to come to my next race in Belgium and meet my mum while we’re there since she’s going. Then come with me to the Netherlands and Monza and every single race after that because I mean everything I’ve said.’

‘I would love to. But-‘ He didn’t let me finish as his lips found mine in a loving kiss. His hand found the back of my head holding me flush to him. I felt like I was in heaven. He pulled away gently, shushing my but.

‘You’re going to say something about your job. You don’t like it anyway. You can leave this place and come with me, find a better and cooler job and then come home to with me to live because I am never being apart from you.’ He said holding my face in his hands.

‘Mick, I wasn’t going to say anything about my job. I was going to ask if you were sure about me meeting the famous Corinna, in a mere few days.’ I laughed.

‘If I wasn’t sure about you, I wouldn’t have held onto your hand too long when I first met you.’ He smiled.

‘Touché, Mick.’

‘Now, I think we have some bags to start packing, maybe some boxes too?’ He questioned, finally placing the helmets into their rightful place on the motorcycle.

‘I think we do. But not before something else.” I said, placing a firm kiss onto his lips. He quickly pulled away, eyes blinking widely as I began to pull him towards my front door.

‘You are so right we have a lot to do before packing up.’ He followed quickly, free hand coming to unzip his jacket. I opened the front door and dragged him inside with inhuman force before slamming the door shut. We stumbled through the darkness toward the bedroom making sure to steal kisses anytime we could.

When we finally reached the bedroom, I struggled to open the door, successfully doing so only to trip over nothing and collapse onto my bed dragging Mick down with me.

‘Liebe, I’ve already fallen for you unbelievably hard once I don’t think we can top that force.’

‘Shut up Mick, just kiss me.’

‘Yes ma’am.’

#mick schumacher #mick schumacher imagine #mick schumacher oneshots #mick schumacher oneshot #mick schumacher fanfiction #mick schumacher fanfic #mick schumacher x reader #mick schumacher fic #mick schumacher x you #f1 #formula 1 #f1 imagines #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #formula one #formula one imagine #f1 one shot #f1 drabble

739 notes · View notes

uchihagods · 1 year

Note

for your requests!! could you do one with obito for the prompts 103, 94, and 33 where him and reader are in a public situation (ofc), like let's say they're in a shared room in an airbnb or something on a trip with friends, obito had been whispering to reader, teasing her of all the things he wants to do,,, but they have to be quiet cause everyone else around is sleeping,, (doesn't have to be exactly that but something along those lines) thank you💕

TRIP TO HEAVEN, U. OBITO/FEMALE READER. | MODERN AU, SMUTTY PROMPTS SCENARIOS EVENT.

synopsis: after some deep thought, you and your closest friends (and, of course, your beautiful boyfriend) decided to camp in the woods for your upcoming birthday since it was something you always wanted to try for years now; what you didn’t expect at all, was the filthy things the dark-haired was planning to do with you during your first night…

-> #103/94/33: “Look at you, coming undone before I’ve even started touching you.”; Whispered praises against the other’s lips, which are met with soft whimpers and moans.; “Beg and maybe I’ll think about it.”

warnings: public sex, exhibitionism, teasing, best friends to lovers, established relationship, missionary, oral sex (fem!receiving), face-riding, daddy kink, caught in the act.

beta’d by: @rookie98writes <33 !!

—,,

IMPORTANT!… please, feel free to ignore if any of these topics trigger you; read at your own risk!

the stars, as if they were aware of the approaching important date, were shining beautifully in the dark sky of tonight’s view. you were cuddled up with your handsome boyfriend, whose eyes were also enjoying the show above you, seated on one of the logs around the warmth the bonfire was emitting and all wrapped up with a thick blanket your mother told you to bring with you just in case.

as you nuzzled your face into obito’s neck in search of his natural scent, the thought of your birthday being in a few hours made you kick your feet mentally due to the excitement. it was perfect, honestly; your closest friends laughing loudly at asuma’s story about the horrible first time he met kakashi and how he hated him for it while rin and guy prepared little snacks for everyone to eat before the six pizza boxes you brought for dinner.

all of you were going to wait until midnight to celebrate your special day first thing. then, they were going to give you the tasty cake kurenai baked for you last night, and finally, you’d go to sleep in your respective tents. since kurenai didn’t want to leave rin alone, she offered to share one with the brunette girl; leaving asuma, kakashi and guy together, and, needless to say, you and obito alone in another tent.

“i love you so much, y/n… you’re aware of that, aren’t you?” the dark-haired whispered against your reddened cheek, nuzzling the tip of his nose on the skin there. “my pretty girlfriend.”

“i love you too, ‘bito… mhm!” you gasped, feeling embarrassed about the high-pitched noise that had left your mouth the moment obito decided to start peppering wet kisses along the extension of your neck; doing it just the way he knew would drive you absolutely crazy, almost attempting to reach something you didn’t quite comprehend right now. “baby, please…”

“what is it, my love?” he asked innocently, grinning all high and mighty as if he wasn’t squeezing the flesh of your waist with unspoken wanton. your friends were not that far from where you were having trouble to not give in at his obvious intentions. after all, you were still impressed of how much this man liked to show public affection; fortunately, the flowery blanket around you both were preventing the prying eyes from investigating further details about your ‘cuddling session’. “you shouldn’t have dressed in such a tempting little dress unless you wanted me to fuck you in front of our friends on this very log.” obito stated hotly, his knuckles brushing the smooth skin of your bare thighs.

you caught his wandering hand between yours before it could make it to your clothed core. shaking his head no he simply clarified; —“do not worry, princess. the one begging me for my cock at the end of the night, it’ll be you.” he placed one last kiss on your somehow sweaty neck and headed towards your group of friends without looking back at your trembling figure…

—,,

“here,” rin offered you a very hot and tasty s’more sandwich she just finished preparing, smiling tenderly and taking a seat on the log. “is something the matter? you seem distracted.” the brown-haired followed your gaze towards obito, who was laughing loudly next to asuma and with a bottle of beer in his hand. “did you two have a fight?”

“w-what? no, not at all!” she broke you out of your reverie, making you realize the amount of time you must’ve been lost in your own fantasies.

rin didn’t answer. instead, she kept looking at you with knowing eyes and slightly blushed cheeks. “uhm, why don’t you go there? kurenai and i are heading to the convenience store real quick.” at your furrowed eyebrows she added; “we ran out of marshmallows. guy couldn’t resist eating some of them while we were preparing the s’mores, and asuma wanted more, so…”

“oh! sure, sure.” you stood up slowly, caring not to drop the blanket around your shoulders as to prevent the cold breeze to brush your warm skin uncomfortably. “i’ll go with the boys, then.”

“great! we’re leaving now, it won’t take long!” rin stated sweetly, not entering kurenai’s car until you were with them.

“hey, pretty.” obito greeted you again, patting his thighs for you to sit on and leaving the bottle on the grass. “we were talking about the first time you’d rejected me, actually.”

you tilted your head to the side, confused. “and why’s that?” you accommodated yourself on your boyfriend’s lap comfortably once your blanket was nicely folded next to you.

he shrugged. “you know, just telling them the way you used to say the ‘we’re best friends and that’s all’ shit but now you’re bouncing on my cock almost every night.”

“obito!” your face was turning red at his unexpected words, not that you weren’t used to his bluntness, but you didn’t even dare to look your friends in the eyes. you felt a pair of hands stabilizing your playful hips; it wasn’t fast enough to hide his growing erection inside his gray joggers. “i’m sorry, guys…”

“it’s okay, really.” asuma blurted out, “that was probably the most innocent comment i’ve heard from him.”

“are you done provoking me, birthday girl?” obito whispered against the shell of your ear, ignoring kakashi’s rambling in the background. “i bet that sweet pussy of yours is dripping wet just for me to enjoy, hm?”

instinctively, your legs spread wider along with your hips swaying back and forth on his clothed hardness. “please…”

“beg and maybe i’ll think about it.” he murmured not so discreetly.

“fuck, obi.” the fact that you were surrounded by your intimate friends were long forgotten in your mind, replaced with the thought of your boyfriend’s huge member abusing your tight yet wet core. “i-i’m begging you, please.”

“you’ll have to be more specific about what you’re asking over there, sweetheart.” he pressed you more against his hot body.

“i need your tongue taking care of my pussy, please.” you angled your face up and to the side for your lips to find his rapidly, initiating a long kiss while your hand cupped his cheeks.

the position you were currently in wasn’t the most comfortable one but you couldn’t care less when you had obito’s skilled tongue trying to get into your mouth; you accepted it, of course. you greeted his wet muscle eagerly. a curious hand reached for your mound to knead at it while the other one slipped under your dress to caress the piece of fabric separating your cunt from his fingers.

“get a room you two!” kakashi’s bored eyes were locked on what could be seen of your lower half. “obito, i’m being serious.” he interrupted when your pussy lips were barely visible due to your panties placed to the side, obito’s fingers spreading them apart, some of your wetness pooling into your underwear.

you tried to close your legs the moment you realized where you were, being stopped by his hands immediately. “don’t be shy, show them how prepared you are for my cock.”

you couldn’t let your boyfriend fuck you in front of them despite his evident desire to do exactly that, it wasn’t what you wanted right now. “i could do that…” you started, “or… i can ride your face in our comfy tent.” you knew damn well he couldn’t reject the latter offer even though having guests around sounded just as tempting to his ears.

pinching your clit playfully, he grinned; “what a smart little thing you are…” he gave a slap to your aching core. “let’s go, then.” as you both walked towards your shared tent holding hands, you turned your head back to where your friends were to articulate a soft ‘sorry’ with your lips, who dismissed you calmly and gestured you to have fun.

—,,

“look at you, coming undone before i’ve even started touching you.” obito praised you, mesmerized from under you by your dripping white release. your thighs were at each side of his head, your sweet hole almost brushing his parted lips, with his arms enclosing them to keep you in place. “do you want me this much, my love?”

“i do, ‘bito.” you nodded, pulling your wetness closer teasingly. “shit, shit!” you panted when his tongue reached your core.

“delicious…” he squeezed your thighs, encouraging you to lean towards his mouth to continue his ministrations. the dark-haired began to lap at your pussy furiously once you seated on his face, causing your body to tremble and search for more by each grind of it.

he greeted your swollen clit tenderly, sucking the bud between his lips multiple times and grunting when your tiny fingers gripped his black strands as to keep him steady while you were using him for your own pleasure; your hips moving at a rapid pace with each passing second.

“my! fuck, obito!” you were dragged forward ‘till your dripping hole was above his eager tongue; he tasted your entrance, the tip of his muscle moving in and out repeatedly, creating a steady rhythm with each lick.

he couldn’t deny it, his favorite part was the beautiful sounds he could make from your body. if he could, he would record them to later listen to them at night before going to sleep; the perfect lullaby for him.

lost in his own thoughts, he didn’t even notice you already came very hard on his tongue, he still had this marvelous grip around your trembling thighs that prevented you from moving away. “h-honey!” you complained, feeling the overstimulation running through your veins and the butterflies going wild inside your tummy. “too much, mhm!” your attempts to separate your core from his mouth were in vain, obito kept latched at it to life.

you were thrown on your back in a blink of an eye, your boyfriend’s shaft was now between your pussy lips coated with his saliva, teasing your hungry entrance; he wrapped your legs around his waist before thrusting into you harshly. “perfect pussy…” he slammed his bulbous head into the spot that made you see stars in a matter of of seconds.

the sounds of skin slapping together filled the light fabric of your shared tent, you could swear your thighs were currently full of bruises due to obito’s hard grip on them; you didn’t mind.

the squelching melody composed by his huge cock abusing your wet cunt was the only thing in your minds, that much that neither of you had heard your tent being unzipped. “y/n! time for din-… oh, my god!”

“magnificent…” the dark-haired complained without stopping the movements of his hips, not in the mood to face a now traumatized kurenai who just caught one of her best friends being fucked stupid; and who also shouldn’t opened your tent in the first place. “don’t mean to be rude but we’re kinda busy over here, you know?” he moaned at the sudden tightness around his member.

“i-i’m sorry, kurenai!” you apologized aloud the moment she left the place with an embarrassed expression written on her face. the red-eyed girl zipped your tent once again and laughed with asuma when he told her something like; ‘there’s one rule when it comes to these two for a reason, baby.’

“do not apologize for enjoying yourself on my cock, am i being clear?” obito’s eyebrows were furrowed in the way they did when he was mad at you for behaving badly.

“yes, daddy.” you used the term you knew he was looking forward to, sobbing loudly at its effect in the form of increasing his pace considerably.

“tight, little and perfect hole. you’ve got everything, don’t you?” you whispered praises against the other’s lips, which were met with soft whimpers and moans. “whose pussy is this, hm?”

“yours!” at this rate, your second release wouldn’t last long to explode. “only yours!”

“say that again.” his hips bucked upwards purposely.

“your pussy!”

“that’s right, baby.” he emptied himself inside you, coating your walls with his hot cum, which triggered your own high and caused your core to tighten around his spurting shaft.

your breaths were fast while your movements relented momentarily ‘till you both were only warming the other one up. “i love feeling your dick soften…”

“never would’ve imagined…” obito joked smugly, peppering kisses along your face and finishing with a sweet peck on your abused lips.

“happy birthday, y/n!” your friends screamed outside your tent, making you laugh in each other’s mouths.

“cake’s ready…” rin hummed, offering the most convincing sentence she could think of.

“happy birthday, sweetheart.”

—

#kha’s.events #obito x reader #obito x y/n #obito x you #obito smut #naruto fanfiction #naruto x reader #naruto headcanons #naruto smut

102 notes · View notes

weirdkpopgirl · 1 year

Text

Hold Him Close | Haechan Imagine #1

Title: Hold Him Close

Genre: Slight angst, slight fluff

Warnings: a very tired Haechan :(

Word Count: 597

Author’s Note: I’ve seen some people write similar stories, and I’m really glad people are using their creativity to do that. I’m sure a lot of you are also upset with how overworked Mark and Haechan have been lately. As someone who is pissed off about the situation, I wanted to write this story for him. I wish I could do more to show my support and wish for them to get some rest. As of now, I’m afraid this is all I can do. Thank you for reading ^ - ^

Also thank you so much for 300 followers ㅠㅠ

─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─

After the fifth yawn, you started to think that staying up until two a.m. to get ahead on university homework wasn’t the best idea. You sighed and glanced over the papers of notes scattered around the coffee table. For the past few hours, you’ve been sitting in the same spot working on several assignments for different classes. Now you were down to your last drop of energy. Strangely, you weren’t too bothered by that. Despite the lack of sleep, you appreciated the cozy silence of your studio apartment.

The doorbell buzzed just as you were contemplating whether to retire for the night. You didn’t even need to look at the camera monitor to know who it was. Springing up from your seat on the floor, you quickly crossed the room to answer the door.

As soon as you let him in, he practically collapsed onto you.

“Hyuck?” Your voice was a mix of surprise and slight worry. He snuggled into your neck, taking in your scent and warmth. You decided to refrain from asking questions and wrapped your arms around his waist.

Neither of you said anything and stayed in this position for a few minutes. Haechan didn’t know what to expect when he showed up at your place at such a crazy hour. He wasn’t even sure you were awake when he finished his schedule half an hour ago. All he knew was that he wanted to see you.

Eventually, you pulled away and cupped the tired boy’s face in your hands. Seeing the messy hair and dark circles under his eyes triggered a renewed emotion of outrage. Usually, you hold that feeling back. But you’ve seen Haechan in an exhausted state too many times to count. A part of you wanted to march up to the SM building and tell off the company for overworking your boyfriend.

“Aish, I hate seeing you like this.”

The heartbreak in your tone, made his heart ache too. His left hand reached to intertwine with yours that rested on his cheek. He looked into your eyes which had become glossy from angry tears that threatened to fall any second. Feelings of guilt arose in his chest. He didn’t mean to make you worry.

“It’s okay, Jagiya. Work gets tiring sometimes, but I can handle it.” His words did little to put you at ease and he knew it.

He then leaned forward to press a soft kiss on your forehead. Being in your presence alone made him feel so much better. As if he could take on anything the world threw at him.

“I’m sorry for coming in like this. But I could really use your cuddles right now,” He said, still managing to smile through all this.

He didn’t need to tell you twice. After removing his shoes, you brought him to lie down in bed together. Final exams, projects, and work were momentarily forgotten. Donghyuck held you close to him, his chin resting atop your head. While your fingers gently stroked his back, hoping to help him sleep faster.

Just before sleep overtook you both, he made sure to whisper, “I love you, (Y/n). Thank you for being with me.”

A dozen emotions filled you all at once. So many things that you wanted to say. Instead, you returned his forehead kiss from earlier and gave the response he needed to hear.

“I love you too, Donghyuck. Forever and always.”

─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─❀*̥˚─

#nct dream imagine #nct dream #nct 127 #haechan imagines #lee donghyuck #lee haechan #donghyuck imagines #nct dream angst #nctzen #haechan x reader #czennie #kpop #nct dream fluff #nct #haechan #hyuck

196 notes · View notes

ilovewhiteroses · 1 year

Text

Teasing You (part of "Workplace Affair")

Pairing: The Corinthian x Librarian of The Dreaming Reader Genre: Smut (although there’s no explicit sex), humour Warnings: references to sex, some curse words Rating: +18 Notes: - In the original ’Workplace Affair’ series, Reader was written as Female, but I wanted to write this story as Gender Neutral, so everyone could enjoy it 💕 - This one is shorter than my usual fanfics, but I hope you will like it

You and The Corinthian spice up your already exciting love life...

You and Corinthian have been together for a while. You often slept at his place and at work, when he dropped in sometimes, you tried to make time for each other. Lucienne and Merv soon accepted you together and after some time, Morpheus also managed to accept the fact that you are a couple. In your relationship, Corinthian was the dominant one, which you didn't mind at all, but sometimes you also liked to take control, especially in the bedroom. One night you decided that the next day, when he visits you in the library, you are going to tease him. Considering that Corinthian is very sex positive and often thinks with his dick, you wondered how long he would be able to hold back…

In the morning you got up a little earlier than usual so you could leave before Corinthian gets up. An hour later he also woke up and was a little scared when he found your place empty, but when he saw a note with the inscription "I left earlier", he calmed down. He went down to the living room and noticed a paper folded in half on the coffee table. He picked it up and read it.

"Have a nice day honey! I can't wait to feel you inside me again..."

"Baby, my dick is already hard, what will happen to me later?" he said to himself, reading your sexy message. He sighed contentedly, then went to get ready for work.

It was finally time for the coffee break you've been waiting for since morning. You walked into the cafeteria and saw the nightmare having a conversation with Merv. You went to the coffee machine to make yourself a drink while waiting for the janitor to leave. When Merv left, you and Corinthian were finally alone. He walked over to you and pulled you close with a firm movement.

"Come here, you naughty librarian!"

He wanted to kiss you, but you didn't let him and escaped from the grip of his arms. You took a few steps back and started to move your body in front of him, then you went back to him, but this time you turned away and started rubbing your bottom against his crotch. You heard Corinthian purring in satisfaction like a big cat while placing his hands on your hips.

"Uh, Y/N, if you knew what you're doing to me. I wish I could fuck you right here right now on the table, I've had an erection since your message this morning." he said with a sexy smile. You turned to face him and reached down to grab his "package".

"I know and I really enjoy it." you said and caressed his cock through his pants, giving him a suggestive look. He tilted his head back slightly and sighed softly, causing you to bite your lip. You loved the way he gave himself in to you. You caressed him like that a little more, then before his thoughts could wander too much, you stopped and planted a soft kiss on his lips.

"Oh, why did you stop?" Corinthian asked like a disappointed child. You deliberately didn't answer the question, you just said:

"See you later baby!" You winked at him then went back to the library.

You collected the books on your table and walked to the shelves with them in a good mood. After you finished putting them up, you went back to your desk. You saw Corinthian again and this time he was talking with Lucienne. When you got a little closer to them, you heard your boyfriend ask the chief librarian about the rumours he heard from the other dreams. You waved to them and had a thought. Since Lucienne was standing with her back to you, you decided you would take advantage of the situation and provoke the hot nightmare a little...

You sat up on your desk so that Corinthian could see you clearly. You usually wore a skirt to work, but this time you wore pants so you could spread your legs more easily. You slowly started caressing your thigh, then reached between your legs and in the process, you gave your boyfriend a seductive look. He glanced over every now and then, but he tried to keep Lucienne from noticing, because even though you were teasing him, he was still enjoying the show you were putting on for him. You continued to ”touch” yourself and bite your lip, then threw your head back for a moment. Corinthian, even though he can't sweat, felt like he was flooded with heat and loosened his shirt a bit at the neck. He felt that he was starting to lose control over his thoughts and he heard Lucienne's words more and more quietly, he could only hear the beating of his heart in his ears. As you imitated masturbating, deep inside you prayed that Lucienne wouldn't look back or you'd end up in an extremely awkward situation, and Corinthian hoped she wouldn't notice his erection. He was trying his best to pay attention to the conversation, and in his head he was thinking that when he gets home, he is going to fuck you hard for being naughty all day.

When you finished work, you went to his apartment and waited for him to come home. The nightmare hurried home as fast as he could. When he finally arrived and saw you, he walked towards you with the intention of ripping your clothes off.

"Hey big boy! What are you doing?” you asked him pretending to be surprised by what he was up to, laughing to yourself.

"Listen, I've been so horny all day because of your little games that I can’t take it anymore! I’m losing my mind, I want you so bad!" he said and pulled you close, but you got yourself out of his arms again.

"I know, I have been very, very bad! But, it's still not over." you told him mischievously, then picked up a strawberry from the plate on the coffee table. Corinthian frowned, but he was curious as to what you were up to.

First, you slowly ran the strawberry over your lips, then you started to lick it with the tip of your tongue, imagining that you were licking the head of his cock like that. Corinthian no longer frowned, but instead smiled and grunted in satisfaction. He loved it when you sucked his cock, because you were always enthusiastic and creative and he felt like the luckiest man in the world.

You then put the strawberry in your mouth and began to carefully suck it. While doing that, you moaned because you enjoyed the delicious taste of the fruit. You did all of this with your eyes closed, but at one point you opened them and saw Corinthian sitting on the couch, leaning back and looking at you. You were surprised that he didn't touch himself, although he usually never masturbated in front of others, he preferred his partner to do it in front of him, thus showing his dominant self. The way he was sitting there was so sexy to you that you felt yourself getting turned on. When you were sufficiently aroused, you bit into the strawberry and let the juice run down your chin as if it was the result of Corinthian's orgasm. The nightmare couldn't take it anymore, he went to you and kissed you passionately, then he took you in his arms and went up to the bedroom with you...😈

Tags: @thecorilove86, @e-dubbc11, @harlekin6 @jessamydreams,

@destiny-rahl, @merryandrewsworld @i-like-the-eyes, @drowningnikki,

@mirandkimy, @translat0r

@delicateteenagerunaway, @imjustmessy, @zealoussaladsublime,

@lilithsdreams, @cloudsofcondensation, @blondehotbrook,

@enkelimoonstone, @bakerstreethound, @amidalasruby, @kittycat-kai,

@hopeless-07, @miss-wednesday98, @littlewierdalien, @littlefoxgirl-13,

@dahlinq @dayleis, @idealai

@icytrickster17, @belladiaz, @smileymissbee

@foodlover123456789, @lazy-queen26, @yellowwithalisp,

@onehundredyearsofyearning, @constantron, @violentviolet88,

@strudelbug07, @underwater-garden

#the corinthian #the corinthian fanfic #the corinthian x reader #boyd holbrook #the sandman #teasing

75 notes · View notes

littlewinter1917 · 1 year

Text

The Haunting

Part I - I See You In Everyone

My blog is 18+ only. Minors DNI 🔞 Don't reposed my work anywhere.

Series Masterlist

Series Summary: It’s been a few months ever since your boyfriend, Billy Hargrove, died in the battle of Starcourt Mall. You’re still struggling to come to terms with his death, when weird things start happening in your house - almost as if you’re being haunted. Against your better judgement, you get the growing feeling that it’s Billy, and that he’s trying to tell you something, but you cannot figure out what. And then the Vecna attacks start happening, and you and your friends are hurled back into an adventure that seems closely tied to the weird activities in your house, to Billy, and above all, the cursed town of Hawkins, Indiana.

Words: 20.6k (Yes, I know, a little excessive)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Fem!Reader

Chapter warnings: A lot of grief, angst and survivor’s guilt. Some hurt/comfort. Slightly spooky stuff. Some swearing. Talks about Billy’s death and the events of Starcourt Mall.

Please check out the more detailed series warnings here if you’re unsure about what this story might entail in future chapters.

A/N: I’m quite excited about finally being able to share the first chapter of this! I’m not sure if anyone wants to read a slightly spooky story in the middle of March, but I’m impatient incarnate, so, I simply cannot wait until October to publish this.

I really wanted to capture a certain eerie atmosphere in this story, and you can find some of the visual inspirations I’ve used for it here, as well as a playlist, which you can find on Spotify here.

I've also decided to start a taglist, and you can fill out this form here or let me know in a comment if you want to be tagged in the next chapter <3

“And now, another song that’s been requested: Survivor’s I can’t hold back! A great one, might I add; and even greater for this particular Friday night.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” You quietly curse under your breath, as you try to turn off the radio quickly, because that’s the last song you need to hear right now.

Truly, the last song.

“Oh, come on! What is it with you this time?”

The annoyance in your voice is only amplified by the angry stare that you throw the car radio’s way, once you realize that the off button seems to have developed a mind of its own, as it stays unresponsive to your biddings.

“No, no, no!” You whisper, panic rising up in your chest, as the opening notes of the song start to play, and the radio still doesn’t budge.

Pushing the button forcefully a few times more, just for good measure, and maybe as a way to air some of your current frustrations, you can’t help but curse that damn Camaro.

“Fuck!”

Even though your steering wheel bears hardly any responsibility for your current misery, it finds itself on the receiving end of your angry outburst anyway, as you hit against it hard.

This must be one of fate’s cruel jokes again, you think defeated, as the song continues to play on; and haven’t you had enough of those already?

Truly.

There’s no other way to stop the oncoming catastrophe either, because neither the switch to change channels, nor the one that regulates the volume, reliably work anymore. And with the on/off button now officially joining their ranks of the dead and unresponsive, there’s nothing left for you to do.

No way for you to avoid the song that used to mean so much to you.

To the both of you.

To you and Billy.

“And I feel the hand of fate ♪

reaching out to both of us.

♪ I’ve been holding back the night.”

Jimi Jamison sings, and your grip around the steering wheel tightens, as you try hard to keep it together.

This used to be your song, but now it’s nothing more than a torture device that leaves a hole the size of the earth in your already desecrated heart.

How it can still hurt so much, without there being anything left to destroy, is not something you have an answer to; only that you’ve run out of tears weeks ago, yet the ache in your heart never falters, never sleeps.

You feel like this is going to haunt you forever, for a lifetime, at least.

And that’s without having to listen to that stupid song!

You try to distract yourself by focusing on the road instead, but the darkness of the night and the cold silhouettes of the surrounding trees hardly offer a relief.

Or a distraction.

The headlights of your car seem to be the only guiding constant in this equation, as they illuminate fractures of the passing landscape before moving on to something further away in the distance, over and over again.

It’s kind of unsettling, really, if you think about how much of your current surroundings you can’t see, can’t capture with the fleeting lights of your vehicle. How behind the first line of trees looms another, darker one, and then another, and another, and-

“That’s a forest for you, sweetheart.” Billy would’ve probably teased with a smile, if you’d voiced that thought to him.

If he was still around.

He is not.

Instead, you get taunted by a fucking rock ballad, and the wave of painful memories that come with said tune.

To your horror, it’s not even halfway done yet, and for a moment you actually consider stopping the car completely and turning off its ignition, just to escape it.

Just to make it stop.

But, miraculously, your silent prayers seem to have been heard by someone with at least a little bit of agency in this universe, because suddenly, out of nowhere, that current curse of a song gets cut off by blaring sounds of static before a different melody breaks through the speakers.

“ Operator … could you help me…”

Jim Croce’s voice croaks through the buzzing noises, and a shiver runs down your spine at the memory of where exactly you know that song from.

But before you can dwell on that too much either, your radio simply decides to unceremoniously turn itself off.

“Fucking finally,” you mumble relieved, while the long-awaited silence engulfs you and the surrounding space of your Camaro.

Your Camaro?

Billy’s Camaro.

No one’s Camaro.

Shifting uncomfortably in your seat, you quickly come to the unpleasant realization that silence has its teeth and claws too, as it grows and takes shape right there beside you in the car, flashing you a sinister smile, threatening to swallow you whole.

Getting haunted and tortured by music, or torn apart by nothing, is hardly a choice worth making.

Especially not when you’re driving through a darkened forest, on the way home to a town you deeply resent, in a car that used to be your boyfriend’s before he got possessed and brutally killed by an inter-dimensional goo monster.

And the scars of that story still litter your heart, and your thoughts, and your memories, in ways you can’t even begin to express, because the pain is simply too vast to fit into words, or phrases, or anything else that bears some form of communicational function.

Except scars would imply healing; and you feel anything but that.

Healed.

Nor do you think you’ll ever get there again.

Not in this lifetime, you won’t.

You speed up the car a little, until you see the first flickering lights of the town you call both, home, and hell; and the knot that builds in the pit of your stomach at the sight is not something you actively fight anymore.

You wouldn’t know how to anyway these days.

Once upon a time, there was the pleasant dream of Californian beaches, of the day where both you and Billy would speed off into the night together, and never, ever, come back again.

Only for you to wake up in one big, cruel nightmare, with no means for you to escape it.

You wouldn’t know how to anyway these days.

Somehow, you make it through half of the town, despite feeling like you’re on fire, and each passing crossroad is only adding gasoline to the flickering flames eating away at your heart. There’s memories splattered all over this town, and the stains they leave won’t ever truly wash away. No amount of tears, or denial, or distraction will do that job.

You’ve tried all three enough times to confidently stand by that verdict.

There’s no escaping it.

You would have to soak your heart in bleach and acid to get the remnants of Billy out; and even then you’re not sure it would work, because Billy has been the sole inhabitant of that place hidden deep within your chest for so long, that you don’t think it would still count as your heart, without Billy in it.

There’s nothing that can fill the bleeding gash he left in your life, and it’s not like you’d want to replace him either.

You just want him back.

You still wait and long for that moment, where you wake up and find out that all of this was just one, big, exceptionally cruel nightmare.

Yet, that moment never comes, and as of late, you’ve started to lose faith that it ever will.

Acceptance, or so they call it, but this is just one more of the many things you’d rather not think about.

And by the time you reach the trailer park, you’ve succeeded in your mission, of blocking these thoughts out completely.

As usual, Max is already standing outside her trailer, waiting for you, and she’s quick to run up to the car as soon as she spots you and the blue Camaro.

You’ve barely come to a stop, when the door to the passenger side already swings wide open, and the little redhead plops down beside you.

“You’re late.” Are the first few words she throws your way, and with a quick glance at the tiny time display inside your dashboard, you come to the realization that she’s right.

You are almost 15 minutes late.

Weird, you think with a frown, you could have sworn you left the newspaper’s office just in time – a rather rare occurrence these days. You’ve been doing a lot of overtime ever since Starcourt Mall.

Anything, really, to keep yourself from going home or not being busy enough. With Fridays being the only exceptions, because, well, you and Max have shared plans on these evenings.

A ritual, so to speak.

“Sorry,” you mumble apologetically, “I didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”

“It’s alright, can we just go now, please?” Max grumbles, one of her legs bouncing nervously in anticipation.

“Right, right.” You state, before maneuvering the car out of the gravely grounds of the trailer park.

The silence that’s been haunting you is back inside the car, hovering over you and your dead boyfriend’s little sister from the comfort of the backseat now.

“So, uhm, how’s school?” You offer, as a way to keep its claws from gripping either one of you too tightly.

It’s a sorry excuse of a topic, and you almost cringe physically as the words leave your lips.

Still better than silence, though.

But Max just huffs as a response, crossing her arms defensively over her chest.

“It’s fine.” She says in a way that leaves you to think that she’s said these exact words today about a million times before.

Like a script.

Like something she’s practiced and recites automatically, without much heart or thought.

Like the way you do, too, whenever someone brings up your current emotional state or well-being.

Looking over at the little redhead, you quietly observe the way the passing lights of the street lamps illuminate her face, and let her drift into darkness again.

Illuminate her face, and let it drift into darkness again.

Turning your gaze back towards the road, you can’t help but take the mental note that she looks exceptionally pale today. Paler than she did the last time you saw her, which would have to be exactly a week ago.

Maybe, it’s just the harsh and unforgiving lights of the street lamps feeding that illusion, you tell yourself, but you know in your heart that’s not right. After all, these lights must have been the same ones last time around, too, and you don’t remember her looking so pale then, so what exactly changed now?

As usual, she has her headphones hanging loosely around her neck, and the baggy flannel she’s wearing is something you immediately identify as Billy’s.

There’s a lump the size of the earth stuck in your throat now.

You know she’s hurting. One could say you all are, but it’s safe to say that Billy’s sudden death hit Max and you the hardest.

Launching the two of you into the biggest and deepest spiral.

You’ve lost the love of your life, and she lost her only brother.

Her big brother.

And though they shared a rather rocky sibling dynamic from the very start, things had been cooling down over the past year. They even started bonding a bit before the tragic events of Starcourt Mall.

Before both of your lives were turned completely upside down, and then never recovered.

Glancing once more over to the girl next to you, you’re overwhelmed by a massive wave of helplessness that washes over you mercilessly.

Dunking your head underwater, filling your lungs and your chest with despair, rendering your body immobile.

Taking you over, and under, and then spitting you out.

Soaking your heart till it drowns.

You feel like you should have some comfort, some guidance, something, anything, to say, that might make your young friend feel a little better, but you’re struggling just as much as she is.

There are no words to relieve the steady ache in your chest, the silent longing, the pounding headaches from all the crying.

So why should it be any different for her?

Anything anyone says to you, about how time will heal and mend the cracks of your heart, how they understand, how they’re there to help; it all feels like a cruel joke.

Because no time can heal or mend your heart. There’s hardly anything left of it anyway.

And they don’t understand your loss because, how could they?

They didn’t lose the love of their life.

Hell, most of them didn’t even know Billy.

At least not the real Billy.

No, they didn’t know him the way you did.

They only knew him as the troublemaker, the hot lifeguard, the one with the speeding Camaro and the anger issues.

The one who embodied recklessness down to his very bones.

And don’t most men like that die a tragic and terribly young death?

But you knew him as the sensitive and softhearted boy he really was underneath it all.

The one who would snuggle into your side even in his sleep, because he always needed you as near and as close as possible.

The one with a terribly odd sense of humor, that would make you laugh until your stomach hurt.

The one who was so utterly protective and tender when it came to you; whose kisses could make the world stop spinning, whose touches felt like heaven on earth, making even the strongest of angels blush and bloat with envy.

Billy, your Billy, was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of guy.

Someone, who took over your heart and mind in an instant.

And you knew even then, after the first few dates you two shared, that your life would never be the same again without him in it.

He did have his demons, too, of course.

The angry voice of his father, like a taunting shadow in the back of his mind.

The lack of love and trust, a jealous and hungry monster in his heart.

It took a while, until he truly opened up to you, but when he did, well, you got to experience an exceptionally vulnerable and strong-willed man, whose cards had always been stacked against him; but still he fought, still he survived, still he loved you with a heart so fragile, so scared; with an utter and blatant tenderness, that no one who’d hear the name Billy Hargrove would connect to the boy in question.

But to you they were one and the same, really.

Yet you’ve lost all of that in an instant, in the blink of an eye.

And you’ll never get it back either, never get to experience the future you and Billy dreamed so vividly about.

Now his body is stuck in a town he hated, and you’re stuck right there with him.

So, no, when people say they know or understand your loss, they really don’t. Because it wasn’t their world that was ripped away and taken from them in the most cruel way; but yours was.

And Billy’s.

And you’ll never recover from it, you’re sure of that.

There’s a crater where your heart once was.

There’s only hurt where there once was love and happy memories.

And the pain of that loss is so vast, so strong, it renders you almost physically immobile on some days.

The bad days.

The really bad days.

You have a lot of those.

And the empty promises of, “I’m there if you need anything,” or, “If I can help in any way, let me know,” they hurt the most, like stabs and twists of an ugly knife, because where were these promises, when Billy needed them?

When he needed help, there was no one there.

Not even you, because you’d been out of state.

The biggest mistake of your life.

But despite that, there had been so many other people in the cursed town of Hawkins, Indiana, and yet, no one noticed. No one cared. And the few people that did realize something was wrong, well, that apparently wasn’t enough.

And on some days you can’t help but think that maybe they simply didn’t try hard enough.

You know you’re not being fair in your judgment or resentment, but those feelings are hard to stop and rationalize.

You wonder if Max feels a similar way. If that’s one of the reasons why she keeps such a distance from most of her friends these days.

You know you kind of do.

“Geez, is your radio broken, again?” Max curses, her finger still lingering over the on/off button, that apparently stayed unresponsive to her biddings, too.

Her words are what pulls you out of the hurricane in your head, and back into reality.

“Yeah, sorry, it started acting up again earlier.”

Max shakes her head slightly, before muttering, “That’s so weird that it keeps happening, right? Maybe you should let Eddie look over it once more.”

“He already did, trice. I don’t want to bother him a fourth time with this.”

“I don’t think he’d be bothered. If anything, he would probably rejoice. Come to think of it, maybe it’s been his doing all along; manipulating the car to get you to talk to him, I wouldn’t put it beyond him.”

“Well, I would.”

There’s the hint of a hint of a smile playing on both of your lips.

“It’s a shame that the Camaro doesn’t like tapes either, anymore.” Max slender fingers linger on the opening of the tape enclosure for a moment, and you watch her with careful eyes.

“Yeah, it’s-“

“It’s almost as if she knows.” Max interrupts, her blue eyes questioningly finding yours.

Despite the fact that she and Billy aren’t related by blood, her eyes look so much like his to you.

“It’s like the Camaro knows that these aren’t Billy’s tapes, and so, she rejects them.”

“Max,” you chide gently, because now that’s ridiculous.

“I’m sure the Camaro would reject Billy’s tapes as well; I just haven’t gotten around trying it out yet.”

And I don’t think I ever will, you think.

You can’t even bear the idea of listening to them without him by your side, laughing and singing along. It just feels wrong.

“After the crashes, not everything in this car could be fixed or replaced. She’s bound to have some quirks and flaws. The tape player not properly functioning is just one of those cases, you know.”

“I’m sure they said something similar about Christine.” The redhead mumbles dryly, and you can’t help but scoff with a laugh.

“Max, please.” you huff, trying to keep a straight face.

“I’m just saying that Billy would have probably kicked me out of the car if I’d asked him to play Kate Bush, so it makes sense that his car would react the same.”

“Oh, hush, Billy wouldn’t have minded a little Kate Bush. In fact, I think he would have secretly liked it.”

Now, it’s Max’s turn to scoff in disbelief, because of all the lies she’s been told today, this has to be the most blatant one yet.

“Yeah, right.” She states, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“I’m serious!” You insist, “but I guess that only means Billy’s never told you about that time when he and I got awfully drunk on my mom’s expensive port wine, and we were convinced that now was the best moment to try and learn the choreography to Wuthering Heights .”

Max looks at you wide-eyed.

“You’re kidding.”

“I’m really not.”

There’s a short pause as you recall the memory, a small smile playing on the edge of your lips.

“You know, he was always surprisingly steady on his feet, even while drunk, and so of course he ended up being a whole lot better at executing that damn choreo than I was.”

You still remember that night vividly. The two of you had laughed so hard, your stomach still ached the very next day. And you’ll never forget the big, boyish smile taking over Billy’s face, when he managed to nail the Choreography part of the chorus without much fault.

“I’ve got it!” He’d beamed, outshining all of the stars that night.

“Look, look! I've got it!”

And as he twirled around he almost knocked your dad’s car magazines off the coffee table. But he still looked great doing it, and most importantly, he was having the time of his life, so, it was all okay.

He looked so young that day, so full of life and hope.

That memory, like all memories involving Billy, stings somewhere deep within your chest. But for a brief moment there’s also a small spark of happiness there, as a tiny smile etches itself on your lips.

A very tiny smile, but a smile, nevertheless.

And Max, who’s lost in the idea of trying to imagine her older brother dancing to that particular song out of all the possible songs, well, there’s a tiny smile on her lips playing, too.

“That must have been quite a night to remember.” She mumbles, and you nod your head in agreement.

“It was.” You admit softly.

It really, really was.

The silence that takes over the car now has nothing threatening, nothing sinister. Instead, there’s a calmness that you haven’t experienced in quite a while, and for a moment you feel like you can breathe again.

Like you aren’t suffocating under the weight of Billy’s loss.

Or your loss.

The loss of the world.

“Alright, we’re almost here.” You state while setting the blinker as you take the last turn. It’s only a handful of minutes now, until you two will reach your destination.

Billy’s final destination.

Clenching your hands into fists around the steering wheel, you realize just how much that truth still angers and upsets something deep within you.

That thought, however, drifts into the background as the parking lot creeps into view, and just like every Friday evening, there’s not a single spot taken.

Not a single car around.

Except for the one you and Max are currently sitting in.

The headlights of the Camaro illuminate a sparse line of trees in front of you, as you park the car, and you can vaguely make out the first few silhouettes of some lonely gravestones peeking out from behind them.

For a brief moment, you stare at the sight ahead of you. Taking in the way the cold light of the car leaves an eerie glow on the dark tree barks, giving their trunks a haunting yet artificial look. The grass beneath, wet with dew, or remnants of the last rain, reflects the light softly, intensifying the surrounding glow.

The only thing missing is some fog, you think. But with summer slipping into autumn, that kind of element is waiting just around the corner. Give it another week or two, and you and Max will have the perfect horror movie setting at your hands by then.

“I’ll go grab the flowers from the trunk.” Max pulls you out of your thoughts again, and you take that as your cue to shake the lingering residue of your last mentation off, before grabbing your backpack from the backseat, as well as the flashlight you keep in the gloves department, and then, finally, you decidedly turn the engine of.

In the blink of an eye darkness encompasses the surrounding trees again, while the Camaro’s headlights go to sleep.

As you close the car door with a heavy thump, Max echoes the sound shortly after with the booming noise of the trunk shutting, too.

“Ready?” You question, as you turn around to face her, and she gives you a brief nod.

But when you move to lock the car, the headlights of the Camaro suddenly turn themselves back on again. It’s only brief, for a split second maybe, before the darkness of the night creeps back into its rightful place, like nothing happened, like nothing disturbed it at all.

If you had been all on your own, you might have convinced yourself that you just imagined it, but with Max right there by your side, bearing witness, that’s hardly a possibility.

Max, however, just shrugs her shoulders as she comes up next to you.

“Eddie.” She simply states, and you’re not sure if she’s trying to state the name of the culprit or the solution.

As the two of you step up the curb that gives way to the graveyard, marking the territory like a faint line between the home of the living and the dead, she softly bumps her shoulder into your side.

“Or, Christine, if you know what I mean.”

“Max,” You huff again with a small laugh.

She’s really trying to drive that point home, you think.

“Aren’t you too young to watch horror movies like that anyway?” You tease.

Despite the deep darkness surrounding you two, you can tell that Max is throwing you the most utterly offended look, like you’ve just asked her if she still sleeps with a nightlight and a mobile, or something.

“I think I should punch you for this.” She mumbles, but there’s no real malice behind her words, just a matter-of-fact kind of dryness that she most definitely picked up from her brother.

This time, it’s your turn to playfully bump your shoulder slightly into her side, as you continue to walk next to each other.

You both know the way by heart. Eyes closed, eyes tied, in a dream – it doesn’t matter, either of you know the exact path to the grave that holds so much more than a brother, or a lover.

You continue to walk a little longer in the lingering silence and darkness.

It’s not even that dark once your eyes have become accustomed to the lack of light sources. The flashlight you crammed into the side-pocket of your backpack only really exists for emergencies, like when your zippo won’t work to light the candle at the graveside.

A few weeks ago, you and Max didn’t even need any additional light sources at all, because the sun wouldn’t set until you were back inside the car.

But as of late, ever since the days have begun to get colder and shorter, and the sun started to stick around less and less, you found yourself needing some kind of extra illumination at the very least when the two of you are at the graveside.

The choice to only go with a candle was easy enough. Both you and Max luckily shared the sentiment that anything’s better than the harsh and artificial glow of a flashlight.

Besides, you’d been lighting candles next to Billy’s headstone even before the nights started to creep in earlier, and earlier, and stay for so much longer, too.

It also seems more peaceful that way, walking to the grave in the natural darkness, trying not to disturb any of the surrounding sleeping souls buried on the haunting grounds of Hawkins, Indiana.

During your last few trips to visit Billy, the setting sun was at the very least still a loyal companion on your walks to the grave, but today might actually mark the first time that there isn’t even the faintest sliver of orange hovering at the edge of the horizon anymore.

Instead, there’s only a deep indigo blue, similar to the one of the Camaro you now get to call your own.

“You know,” you break through the quiet song of the last remaining crickets and the low humming of the wind rustling through the trees, whispering sweet nothings to the blushing leaves before carrying them away.

“When Billy and I initially started dating, one of the first things he told me about you was how much you loved horror movies. He tried not to sound too impressed, but I could tell he was quite proud of that, of you.”

You feel Max’s wide-eyed gaze on you once more, two big oceans of blue and a wave of disbelief.

“Really?” She mutters, trying hard not to sound too affected.

“Yeah, really. Told me how often you’d want to rewatch Halloween. He tried his best to look annoyed, but you could tell he really wasn’t. Not even in the slightest. Max, I know you two used to share a complicated relationship, and he certainly wasn’t the type of guy who’d wear his heart on his sleeve, but he did care a whole lot about you.”

“I know,” Max mumbles while kicking a few pebbles across the grass, one hand buried in the depth of her pocket, the other one still holding on to the small flower bouquet that you bought earlier during your lunch break.

Silence takes shape between the two of you once more, safe for the sound of your steps on the mix of fallen leaves, dirt, and gravel.

But you come to a stop soon after - at a grave whose sight still burns holes in the broken remnants of your heart.

William Hargrove it states, etched into dark and cold stone, followed by two dates: One that means the whole world to you, and one that pulled the rug from under your feet in the cruelest of ways, leaving you to float in a state of disbelief, anger, and infinite sadness.

And you still struggle to come down from that, to face the reality of it all, accepting it.

Leaving you to question what’s the world without Billy in it. Not much, not really. Not when it comes to your world anyway.

And then, underneath that, the grave’s finishing touches says: Gone, but not forgotten.

Such an impersonal statement.

Something that could also be said about the missing neighborhood cat for all you cared.

But what did you expect from a father like Neil?

A big ode devoted to how great of a son Billy was? Of course not.

You almost got into a physical fight with him over Billy’s burial. You had wanted for Billy’s last resting place to be somewhere in California. The place he never stopped calling his home with so much fondness and longing, instead of the town he absolutely despised with every single bone in his body.

You had been willing to take care of it all, to drive him there yourself if you needed to, pay for anything, sell your soul if that’s what it took. But Neil had refused every single plea and offer from your side, and it took both Eddie and Steve to hold you back from, well, escalating that whole situation further.

But all of this lays behind you now, even if the wound that Billy’s sudden death created continues to feel so tender and raw, like it just happened yesterday, and each time you visit his grave, there’s still a twinge of disbelieve bubbling up inside of you at the sight of the gravestone and everything that lies beneath.

Billy.

Your Billy.

“Are you going to-“ Max’s voice pulls you out of your head again.

“Oh yeah, sorry!”

You don’t know where your head is today.

Your heart? No question, six feet under next to Billy.

Your head? You must have left it somewhere during the car drive to the trailer park because you’re pretty sure you were still doing somewhat fine while working at the newspaper earlier.

Trying hard not to keep Max waiting any longer, you kneel down while getting the new candle from out of your backpack, but before you even get to lighting it, Max speaks up again.

“How about I get the broom this time, while you finish up here?” She offers and though that idea surprises you, you nod your head.

“Sure, why not.“ You state, offering her your flashlight, but she just brushes you off.

“It’s fine.“ She says with a little wave before walking in the direction of where some gardening materials are usually hidden underneath a small shelter. You’re not even sure if these things are actually intended for public use or not. But so far no one’s told either of you otherwise.

The whole routine is based around a weird little habit you two established early on, after your first or second visit to the grave together.

Initially, it was a simple watering can that you would go get from that place at the other side of the graveyard, giving Max the possibility to have some time with her brother by herself.

There were a few wildflowers blooming near Billy’s gravestone that you two would then water with the can together, before Max would bring it back to its rightful place again, leaving you to have a couple of minutes of alone time with Billy in return.

Now, with summer slipping into autumn, there’s no need for watering flowers anymore. Instead, Max incidentally found a small hand broom in between the other gardening tools a few weeks ago, and her eyes lit up immediately, as a new idea formed in her head.

There‘s a strong pine tree not too far off from Billy’s grave, and occasionally a few needles and debris find their way onto his gravestone.

But not anymore, because nowadays Max makes a continuous effort to brush them away, with the help of the small broom she’s found, of course.

The first time she decided to do that, it caught you off guard completely, and the tenderness with which she‘d clean the gravestone certainly didn’t help your emotional tumult either; brushing the stone with a care like it could be Billy’s hair.

“Now you’re all pretty again.” She would mumble to the cold stone once she was completely done, and you had to bite the inside of your cheek hard, to not let out a single sob or tear.

You’d get back in your rhythm after that, with you usually getting the broom, and Max bringing it back again. Occasionally you would switch up these roles, but for the most part they stayed the same, yet you are thankful to get a few minutes alone with Billy first, this time around, for a change.

You really, really need that right now.

“Hi,” you whisper softly, still on your knees while planting your hands securely on the ground, fingers trying to dig their way inside; inside the earth that holds Billy’s remains.

You don’t notice you’re crying until the image of your hands gets blurry, and a small sob escapes your lips.

You haven’t cried by his grave in a long time.

Geez, what is it with you today? You mentally chide yourself, rubbing your eyes in a hurry. You don’t want to worry Max any more than you probably already do, so she really shouldn’t witness you like this.

Get yourself together! You scold underneath your breath, trying to focus on the flickering flames of the candle for a little bit, before turning back fully towards the grave.

To Billy.

“I miss you,” you whisper, like old times, like always.

“They played our song today on the radio, but I c-couldn’t… It just hurts too much, Billy. It just all hurts too much.”

Slumping down a little more, your fingers find their way back into wet earth.

“Billy,” you whisper, “I don’t know how-“

The sound of careful steps in the distance makes you pause.

Max.

Talking a steading breath, you try to get back in a more dignified position, straightening your back and blinking hot tears away quickly.

By the time she comes to a stop next to you, you hope you look a little more pulled together.

“Do you want to-“ Max holds the small broom out to you like a peace offering.

“No, no, it’s fine, Max, go ahead.”

Your eyes cannot bear to witness her gravestone-cleaning-ritual tonight. So, instead, you toy with the zipper of your backpack for a little while before standing up, brushing lingering pieces of earth from your jeans in an effort to seem busy.

And fine.

You’re absolutely fine.

“I’ll just bring the old flowers over to the compost.” You state after a heartbeat of silence and nothing to do. “You can put the new ones in the vase if you’d like.”

Max only nods her head at your words, too absorbed in her own little routine.

Taking the withering flowers out of the small, sturdy vase you two planted next to the edge of his stone, you walk over to the compost with quick strides. It’s not too far off, and you’re glad you have something to do as a distraction.

That’s another one of your shared rituals – bringing a fresh bouquet of flowers to Billy’s grave every Friday night, and getting rid of the old one by default, too. It’s the least you can do, in your mind. Because you have to do something for Billy.

Anything.

Even if it’s too late now.

Once you’re back at the grave, Max has finished not only the cleaning of the gravestone, but also managed to put the new flowers up, too.

They’re a lovely mix of blue and yellow, kind of like sunlight reflecting on the ocean’s surface – at least that’s what they looked like in broad daylight earlier, anyway. Now, their colors are more muted by the surrounding darkness, but you can still guess their shades roughly.

“Looks great, Max.” You quietly praise, and she gives you an appreciating smile. It’s only short and faint, and vanishes quickly, but it’s still a smile.

You two stand there in silence for a little while longer, gazing at the graveside together.

The glow of the candle bathes its surroundings in a soft and tender golden hue, but it flickers every now and then, like an unsteady heartbeat. You try not to think of Billy at that realization, try not to let that memory of Starcourt Mall overtake your mind.

Max keeps fidgeting with the broom in her hand next to you, and you’re about to ask her if you should take it back to the shelter, when she suddenly speaks up again.

“Does it ever make you angry?” She asks, and you can’t help but furrow your brows in slight confusion.

“Does what make me angry, Max?”

Turning the broom over in her hands once more, she’s quiet for a heartbeat longer, before whispering: “That you can’t tell anyone why he’s gone; why he left. That he died saving-“

Her voice breaks slightly, and there are tears back in your eyes.

“I mean, instead, he’s just one more victim of some stupid fire. L-like he didn’t sacrifice everything. And I can’t even talk to the other’s about it because they don’t understand, not really, not when it comes to Billy. But honestly, I don’t care what it takes, I just want him back!“

Your gaze softens at Max’s admission, her outburst, because, hell, if you don’t feel the exact same way.

“Max, hey,” you quickly soothe, once you realize that her eyes are darting restlessly over the vicinity, her jaw clenched, the hand around the broom tightening.

She’s doing the exact same thing Billy used to do, when he was fighting back tears, trying hard not to let them slip.

Trying hard not to cry.

“Oh, Max.” You whisper, before instinct takes over and you wrap her up into your arms.

It takes her only a split second before she melts into you, a little sob wrecking her body as she hides her face in the crook of your neck.

“Oh, sweetheart,” you mutter, “it’s alright, you can cry. It’s alright, I’ve got you.”

You don’t immediately notice how much these words sound like the ones you’d usually mumble to Billy in an effort to ease his falls, his pains, his tears in the past.

You stay like that for a little while, rubbing gentle circles on Max’s back, voice soft and calm, encouraging her to let it all out.

“I just want him back!” She wails, and the desperate tone of her voice cuts you right through your heart, through your bones, through every fiber of your being.

“I know,” You whisper, tears openly running down your face as well now. “I do too, I want him back just as much as you do. And there isn’t anything I wouldn’t sacrifice, to get that, but we both know this isn’t possible. There’s nothing any of us can do, to bring him back alive and well.”

Blinking your tears away once more, you try to steady yourself and your voice, while you continue to hold Max.

You wonder when the last time was that she let herself cry like that, be held like that. You know she’s been keeping a certain distance from her friends, know that she broke things off with Lucas shortly after the events of Starcourt Mall, know that her family life turned even more chaotic with Billy’s passing.

You know all of these things and yet you found yourself so occupied by your own hurt and grief that the struggles of the little redhead managed to drift out of sight for you, at least for a little while.

But right now, in this moment, you’re once more reminded of just how much you two have in common when it comes to the loss of Billy, and the significance it carries for the both of you.

To a certain extent, you think you might even have it a little bit easier than her, because you don’t have to reconcile so many different versions of Billy, the way Max undoubtedly has to.

The way you felt towards Billy has never been particularly divergent, never been exposed to much change, but Max on the other hand… There’s a more intricate relationship there. One with a rocky start and middle at the very least.

So, reconciling Billy’s death in the context of their history carries a different weight for Max than it does for you.

Additionally, something that you also slowly realize, as you sway Max gently in your arms, is that she kind of serves as a reflection of Billy for you in many ways. She’s adapted quite a few mannerisms from her older brother; things that make you see him in her, and there’s an odd comfort in that.

But, you doubt that it’s the other way around as well. That she can see glimpses of Billy in the little things you do, too.

“Max,” You whisper softly, “I miss your brother dearly, and I know you do, too. I know you’re hurting more than you let on. And I wish I could ease your pains. Wish I could take your hurt and mine and just bury it somewhere together with Billy, but I can’t. I can’t get him back, and I can’t make it better, and I’d be lying if I said I know how to move on, but we do have to try, somehow.

“I know me out of all people saying that you shouldn’t distance yourself from your friends too much, while I do the exact same thing would be hypocritical of me, so I’m not even gonna go there; but Max if you ever want to talk about Billy, not just the good things, but the bad things as well, I’m always here, always.”

“Fuck,” you huff with a quiet laugh, “I usually hate it when people tell me that, so feel free to hit me now, if you want to, but I still stand by these words. And for the record, I’m still incredibly angry at the whole mall-fire-lie. It hurts that even in his death there’s nothing but misconceptions about Billy, I don’t think he deserves that.

“Max, I understand how much the loss of Billy must affect you, cause it affects me, too. You and I might be the only two people in this god forsaken town, who really knew Billy, so, if you ever want to talk about it, about him, his death, anything; even about how much of a fucking dickhead he could be, I’m always just a phone call away, alright? A phone call and a quick drive of the Camaro is all it takes, Max.“

By now, Max’s sobs have eased into quiet sniffles, and she looks up at you with her usual wide-eyed gaze.

“Yeah?” She questions.

“Yeah.” You promise with a reassuring smile.

“You’re like a little sister to me, always have, always will be.”

Brushing a few loose strands of orange from her face, and wiping away the last remaining tears from her cheeks, you look at her with all the sincerity in your eyes that this world can hold, before pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead.

“Okay?” You question softly and Max nods her head in a slow manner.

“I will be.” She whispers.

And that’s all you can wish for, for the both of you.

The moon has decided to show her face around, too, by now, peeking through a few translucent clouds, painting silver stripes on the ground and the cold graves.

“Do you want me to take the broom back while-“ You offer after a short pause, but Max is quick to interrupt you.

“No, it’s okay, we can do this together and then get back to the car, if that’s alright?”

“Sure thing.” There’s a gentle smile playing on your lips as you watch Max skip ahead a little bit before she’s turning back around towards you.

“You can always talk to me about Billy, too, you know.” She offers quietly, and you hope that the moonlight doesn’t give away the tears shining in your eyes.

“I know.”

The rest if the walk back to the car turns out to be uneventful, but then again, it usually is. The detour to the shelter takes only a few minutes more, and by the time the two of you are back in the car, you feel a shallow tiredness start to slowly creep up on you.

Luckily, the trailer park isn’t too far off, and Max also seems in a more chatty mood now, than during the previous ride, so, you have something more to focus on than just the empty road in front of you, and maybe the growing inabilities of your car radio.

“You know,” she suddenly says, “you really should talk to Eddie.”

“Still convinced this car is Christine 2.0?”

“No. I just- listen, how about a deal?”

“A deal?”

“Uh-huh. If you’ll talk to Eddie, I’ll talk to Lucas…no, wait! I’ll talk to Dustin; that would make more sense, right? Since Eddie is to you what Dustin is to me?”

“Max, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Oh, you know.”

You do in fact kind of know. There’s a small inkling about what she’s trying to say, even if you don’t like where she’s getting at.

“And why should I talk to Eddie?”

“ Be-cause. Also, I think you two might need it, and maybe he’ll finally stop asking about you constantly. Besides, you did say I shouldn’t distance myself too much from my friends, and neither should you, so…”

“Max…”

“I’m just throwing ideas out there, alright. I mean, shouldn’t you as a big sister set a good example at least?”

“You’re seriously going to use all of my own words against me right now, huh?”

There’s no real malice in your voice, just a hint of surprise and dare you say, a little amusement.

Max really is as sly as her big brother.

“Fine,” you mumble, “but you better keep up your end of the bargain and talk to Dustin, too.”

“Deal.” Max promises, as she holds her hand out to you. Such a Dustin-move, you think, or maybe even Steve’s, but you probably do well not to mention it.

“Deal.” You echo, before slapping Max’s outstretched hand and she smiles.

And as you turn away to set the indicator, you notice that you’re smiling, too.

You two turn up at the trailer park shortly after, and by now, the night has truly settled in.

Some of the trailers are left completely in the dark, while others illuminate the glumly surroundings through their rectangular windows and makeshift porch lights.

You don’t immediately notice Eddie sitting on the steps of his trailer at first. He, on the other hand, notices you straightaway.

You’re hard to miss with the Camaro, though.

“Alright, here we are.” You mumble after turning off the ignition and Max leaps out of the car quickly.

You watch her walk up to Eddie, who in return is making his way over to you, and you quietly sigh.

Please don’t make me regret this, Max, you think.

Please don’t make me regret this.

Once you step out of the car, you roughly hear Max say something about the state of your radio, and you watch the way Eddie nods his head deep in thought before his gaze shifts, and his eyes suddenly find yours.

Oh, you’re going to regret this, you think.

But there’s no way out, and Max, that little shit, fakes an exaggerated yawn.

“Huh? I’m really tired, I better get to bed now.”

You can tell that she struggles to say these words with a straight face, trying her very best to cover the pleased smile that threatens to spill out. She even has the audacity to do an overzealous stretch, trying hard to drive her look-at-me-I’m-so-sleepy point home.

Smug little shit, you think, as you watch her hop up the steps to her trailer, opening the door swiftly.

She calls your name one last time, thanking you with a small, yet sincere smile, before calling out to the both of you: “Enjoy the rest of your evening.”

By now, she has almost vanished behind the door, but not before giving you a little, hidden thumbs up.

Pointing over to Eddie she mouths, “Be careful with the car!” or something of that sort. You’re too far away, to really be able to tell, so you wouldn’t bet your life on it.

And then with a low rumble, the door falls shut behind her.

For a moment, you find yourself dumbfounded at the redhead’s behavior, but before you can dwell on it for too long, the sound of crunching steps pulls you out of your thoughts again.

Eddie.

“Hey.” He sounds slightly out of breath, timid even, like he’s worried you might run off if he speaks too loudly.

“Hey.” You echo, because you don’t know what else to say.

“Max told me that your radio is acting funny again.”

You almost let a sigh of relief slip past your lips at the realization that Eddie decided to skip the whole how-are-you-doing-and-holding-up part of the conversation.

Guess he still knows you better than you thought.

“Yeah,” you mumble, eyes darting over the ground like it might hold the world’s secrets, or maybe just an escape plan for you to get out of this conversation.

Unfortunately, it features neither; nothing but dimly lit gravel, dirt, old cigarette buds, and dried, fallen leaves.

There’s not even a hole that opens up to swallow you whole.

Seems like you’re completely out of luck today, you think, resignation settling heavy in your heart.

It’s just a conversation, you try to tell yourself.

Just a simple conversation with an old friend.

But when you look back up at Eddie, his big brown eyes are immediately too kind, too understanding, too much for you to bear at once.

“Uhm, yeah, the radio has been acting off again, but, it’s fine, really, don’t worry about it.”

Your words come out jumbled, like they all tried to leave the captivity of your mouth as fast as they could, tumbling over each other in the process.

But Eddie just gives you a look that seems to say: It’s not the radio I’m worried about.

And you can’t take it.

You can take the pitiful glances from the unfamiliar and whispering women at Melvald’s. You can take the talking, the stares, the fingers pointing in your direction, when they think they’re being real smooth, but you cannot take it from your friends.

The strangers? Yes.

Your once-upon-a-time best friend? Not so much.

“Max said, you’ve been fucking with the car.”

You’re not sure what in god’s name possessed you to blur that out, but Eddie looks at you like his eyes might pop out of his skull.

“What?!”

“Max said, she thinks you might have been fucking with the car.” You repeat, as if it’s the words that Eddie didn’t quite catch right the first time around.

“I-I know, you didn’t, obviously, but she also said that you’ve been asking about me and-”

“Yeah, no shit, genius,” Eddie huffs, slight amusement illuminating his features, “how else am I supposed to find out about your well-being, when you’ve been dropping from the face of the earth.”

You’re grateful for the things he doesn’t say. The accusations he very well could throw your way. Like how you haven’t returned any of his phone calls over the last few weeks for example.

“And for the record, I didn’t fuck with the Camaro. Though, I do have to admit, I’m slightly baffled that Max would even consider me capable of that, I don’t know if I should feel flattered or concerned.”

“Bit of both, maybe.”

The small smiles you and Eddie exchange feel entirely foreign, yet at the same time oddly familiar.

This is wrong, a voice in your head proclaims, you have no right to be doing that. No reason to feel even a little bit cheery.

But now that Eddie managed to crack the surface of your aloof exterior, he’s going to seep into the protective walls of withdrawal and detachment you’ve built around yourself in the span of the last few months. Coaxing his way in, trying to pull you out.

You know it, and maybe, he knows it, too.

There’s a tug and pull war inside your brain. A damsel in distress, wanting to be saved, and a dragon that spits angry flames at anyone that comes too near. And the way that Eddie is able to put you at ease is entirely too close.

He’s going to get hurt, or you are, a voice inside of you warns.

You’re not ready yet. You’re still mourning, still struggling, still walking around with half a beating heart, the other, better half, lifelessly buried somewhere in Hawkins. Gone, but not forgotten.

You shouldn’t be happy yet. Shouldn’t exchange smiles with a friend you once held dear.

You’re doing a disservice to Billy, an ugly voice chides, and you feel your smile slipping.

You’re doing a disservice to Billy.

The smile on your face is gone for good.

“Do you want me to look at the car radio?” Eddie offers after another heartbeat of silence, haunted by the sudden inability to read your face.

The walls are up again, and there’s a strong defense sitting in the highest towers of your broken mind.

He can’t reach you anymore.

You can’t let him reach you anymore.

“It’s fine, Eds.”

The nickname slips past your lips like ice cream on a hot summer’s day. Like the earnest laughs you used to share. Natural, and warm, and-

But that was at a moment in time when Billy was still around.

“It’s fine, you don’t need to do that, Eddie. You’ve already inspected it three times, I can’t ask you to do that again.”

“You don’t have to ask, I’m offering. I don’t mind checking it out once more.”

Maybe there’s simply nothing to check out, maybe the car just hates me, you think.

Maybe Max’s Christine fever dream of an idea isn’t too far off at all.

Maybe you’re just going a little crazy.

Maybe there’s nothing to fix.

Broken beyond repair.

Yet your friends keep trying anyway.

The unwelcomed silence has decided to crawl out of the car, taking heavy steps towards you, pushing itself between you and Eddie. Taking the words out of your mouth, your brain, and filling it with cotton.

Until you can’t breathe.

You wonder if Eddie can feel its presence, too, as you watch him shuffle his feet uncomfortably. Trying to come up for words, like air, but the current of silence renders you both immobile before pulling you under again.

You’re drowning at the offshore trailer park of Hawkins, Indiana, in a cobalt blue night, and a silence so heavy, the surrounding trees might start to buckle and break at any given moment under its weight.

“You know, I, uhm-“ Eddie starts, helpless. Like he’s putting one hand up as an imploring sign, before vanishing under the waves again.

But you’re out in the open, too, incapable of throwing him any kind of lifeline.

“I, uh, I’ve made you the tape.”

“What?”

Is there water in your ears? Or cotton? You don’t think you’ve heard him right.

“The song that you talked about that night, I managed to get my hands on it, and I thought-“

Your mouth feels too dry, but now it’s for an entirely different reason.

“Eddie-“

“I know, I know, I promised to never bring that night up again, but I thought, maybe you still crave that song and-“

You only now notice the small, rectangular object in Eddie’s hands that he keeps fiddling with.

Turning it over, and under, and over again.

Like flotsam in a current.

“If you don’t want it, it’s fine. I just thought that maybe, I don’t know, it might help? Listen, I know it’s probably silly, and maybe you don’t want to hear that song at all anymore but-“

“No, I do!”

Your hand reaches out towards Eddie before withdrawing again halfway.

“I do. I still miss that song.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You breathe.

He still cares, you realize.

He still cares, deeply.

Why else would he remember the things you drunkenly told him during that one night, a few days after Billy’s funeral, when he’d found you out of your mind inebriated at the quarry.

That was months ago.

Months.

You wonder if his attempts to reach out had been partially about this, all this time.

How long has he been trying to give this tape, and how long have you kept him, like everyone else, on more than a little arm's length?

The remnants of your heart do an uncomfortable twist sparked by a wave of guilt.

“Eddie, I don’t know what to-“

“You don’t have to say anything. Just take it, and maybe it can help you a little; cheer you up a little.”

With the uttermost tender care, you take the mixtape that your friend is holding out to you.

Your fingers brush against each other, slightly, softly, yet it sparks a feeling that travels through you like lightning moving through a single tree. Cutting it open, setting it ablaze, painting its body in flames and ash down to its very roots.

Maybe, you think, it’s not just Max that needs a good hug.

If Eddie notices the turmoil taking place inside of you, he doesn’t show, doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t seem to be affected in the ways that you are.

“So, about your car radio-” He starts, once you’ve securely stored the tape in the biggest pocket of your leather jacket.

Billy’s leather jacket.

You’re about to brush him off again, but Eddie just lifts his hand in a gesture to continue speaking.

“Let me inspect it just once more. Maybe there’s something wrong with the wiring that I didn’t catch before, for some reason. I’ll look at it first thing in the morning, I promise, and in the meantime I can drive you home instead.”

“Eddie, I appreciate your offer, but I don’t think this is going to work. Tomorrow is Saturday, and I-”

“Shit, that’s the day you usually join Chrissy in her visits to Heather in the hospital, right?”

“Right.” You nod your head slowly, while Eddie lets out a pensive sigh.

Silence takes over the space between the two of you again, and you shift your gaze towards the distant woods, watching the way the wind moves swiftly through the branches of a couple of trees, leaving their dark silhouettes shivering and shaking.

Once your eyes dart back to Eddie, you expect him to look somewhat crestfallen, but instead there’s a tiny, mischievous smile playing on the edges of his lips.

“I have an idea,” He proposes, the small smile on his lips growing, “I would have to check in with the headquarters office of Eddie’s Mechanic Enterprise, but I’m pretty sure we offer an additional shuttle service for our very best customers.”

"Shuttle service?" You question, lips tugging upwards as your friend’s smile proves itself to be of the contagious kind once again.

“Yeah...” Eddie shifts his feet slightly, one hand coming up to rub a hidden spot on his neck, “I need to run some errands for my uncle tomorrow at Melvald’s, meaning I’d already be in your neighborhood at some point.”

“So, you’re shuttling me and-”

“A carton of eggs, yes.”

“Well, in that case, that company seems hard to top.”

“Is that a yes?” Eddie asks, trying hard to curb the excitement bubbling up inside of him.

“If you and your eggs can make it to my place before 10 o’clock, say, a quarter to 10, maybe?”

“A quarter to 10, confirmed and noted, ma’am.” Eddie states with a small salute, and this time you really cannot help the soft giggle from slipping out.

It’s a warm and gentle sound, one that Eddie hasn’t witnessed in quite a while, and it fills and nourishes a spot in his chest that has been starved for way too long.

“I’ll try to have the Camaro looked over and finished by then, but I’m not entirely sure…”

“Eds, it’s fine. I’m sure Chrissy can drop me off after the visit, and if not, I’ll be sure to call Eddie’s Mechanic Enterprise from one of the hospital pay phones. In any case, you can bring the Camaro over throughout the day, whenever.”

“Okay,” Eddie sighs, clearly relieved, as you suppress the urge to reach out and give his shoulder a gentle, reassuring squeeze.

“Listen, I’m pretty sure that car radio is beyond salvation, so don't stress about finding a cure too much. Besides, this is Hawkins we’re speaking of, so, the radio signals are kind of shit either way.”

“Really? I don’t think I’ve ever had issues with my radio signals.”

“Interesting, and how many times do you, Eddie Munson, listen to the radio again?”

“Fair enough.” Your friend huffs with a quiet laugh, before taking a few steps back, stretching one of his arms out in a wide gesture.

“Your carriage awaits you, m’lady.”

“Thank you,” you whisper, suddenly overwhelmed by Eddie’s determined kindness and effort to make you feel at ease.

But Eddie just brushes you off with a quick movement of his hand, as if to say don’t mention it.

As you two walk up to his van, you can’t help but turn around once more, glancing back at Max's trailer. For a brief moment, you think you see one of the curtains move swiftly, and you can’t help but roll your eyes.

Little red haired devil, you think. You’re still not sure what exactly she’s up to, but you’re certain you’ll find out eventually.

By the time you turn around again, Eddie’s already waiting by his car, holding the passenger side open for you.

This, you notice once more with a sudden shred of wariness, feels entirely too familiar.

Eddie’s van looks and feels the same way it always does. Slightly chaotic, a little dusty, and the smell of weed is, well, rather present to say the least.

It’s a little odd being back in that space, but not entirely uncomfortable, and Eddie is quick to turn the radio on, filling the lingering silence with a more pleasant background noise.

For a brief moment, you wonder why on earth he’d do that voluntarily, especially considering that he has about a million metal tapes scattered around this place, before it hits you.

He’s deliberately not playing his metal tapes because of Billy. Because if there’s one thing he and Billy used to have in common, apart from sharing a certain fondness for the devils lettuce, it’s their love for metal music. And while Billy steered more towards glam-metal and Eddie preferred the trashy kind, they still would rock out together to Metallica and W.A.S.P. and KIX.

You all would.

And you can’t help but think that the only reason Eddie’s currently putting up with the seemingly endless horror that’s commercially popular and radio suitable music, is out of a deep consideration for you.

Because he doesn’t want to trigger you. Doesn’t want to bring up any kind of painful memories of you and Billy and maybe Eddie in some way or another.

There’s Eddie Rabbitt coming from his speakers now, for crying out loud. There’s no way he’d listen to that on his own accord, and yet, he’s putting up with it, for you.

Staring deliberately out of the window to your right, you wipe your eyes quickly, anxious that Eddie might see. You don’t know where all of these tears are coming from today, but they sure love showing up.

The drive to your place continues for a little bit in silence before Eddie, your Eddie, not the singer currently proclaiming his love for rainy nights on the radio, decides to speak up.

“You know, I miss you, I mean, we all do, obviously, the campaigns aren’t the same without you, and-“

You watch Eddie take a steading breath, as his hands tighten around the steering wheel.

“I know that losing Billy must be incredibly difficult for you, and I won’t even try to pretend to know what that’s like, but he was my friend too, you know. A-and I’m not saying this in an effort to downplay your pain in any way. I’m saying this as a reminder that you’re not alone in this. That you and Max aren’t the only ones missing him, and also because I.. I don’t want to lose you too, okay?”

There’s another heartbeat of silence before Eddie whispers: “I’ve already lost one good friend, and I don’t want to lose another. I understand that you need your space, but please don’t be a stranger. Please, don’t turn into one.“

The ticking sound of the indicator and the low whispers of music are the only two things that fill the heavy silence that follows, and you have to wipe your eyes again.

“I’m sorry.” You mumble, voice incredibly soft and timid, “I didn’t mean to lock you out, it’s just…”

A sniffle breaks through your words, through the silence, through the entirety of Eddie’s heart.

“I think when Billy died, something inside of me broke, something significant, and I don’t think I can fix it. I don’t know how to fix this, Eddie-“

This time, it’s a sob that cuts you off in your own speech, and you don’t even try to hide the tears running down your face anymore.

There’s no way you could, because there are way too many now.

“I’ve only ever imagined a future with Billy by my side, and now that he’s gone, I don’t know how to move forward.” You admit quietly.

“It feels like his death created a chasm between me and the rest of the world. And I can still see it somewhere in the distance, see everyone else moving on, right there on the other side, but I can’t find a way to join them for the life of me.”

It takes everything in Eddie not to stop the car, not to unbuckle your seatbelt and engulf you in his arms, in the biggest hug of the universe.

But he’s not sure you’d appreciate that; not sure if he’s crossing ten lines in one breath by doing so.

So, instead, he slows the car on the otherwise empty road down a bit, before leaning over to you slightly, taking your hand securely in his.

“But I’m right here, sweetheart,” He whispers, big brown eyes finding yours, “there’s not a chasm between us right now, is there?

"I understand that it might feel this way, especially when you’re all on your own, but I’m right here, and so is everyone else, too. Nobody expects you to continue on with your life like nothing happened, but you’ve been so hard to reach lately, I’m worried that one day you’ll slip away completely, and I don’t want to lose you, too.”

There are tears swimming in Eddie’s eyes, mirroring yours.

There’s a heavy understanding in his heart, mirroring yours.

Maybe, you think, you really aren’t quite as alone in this.

“I just,” you try to think of a way to phrase this, unsure of where to start, and where to stop.

“I just miss him so much.”

“I know.”

“And I thought, I think, I don’t know, I guess I’m just not that easy to be around these days.”

“You don’t need to be, sweetheart.”

“You don’t understand, Eddie. I’m hardly fun anymore. I start crying out of nowhere at the most random times, and I still feel so much anger, so much hurt, that on some days I think that’s all that I’m made of, a-and I feel like I’m doing a disservice to Billy by-“

“By letting yourself be happy? By putting yourself in situations you know you might enjoy, even if it’s just a tiny little bit? By starving yourself of the company of your friends, because you fear you might be too much of a bummer, a burden, or you could find yourself enjoying something despite Billy’s absence?”

Eddie questions carefully, and though you hate to admit it, he’s hitting the nail right on the head, finishing the sentence forming in your heart perfectly.

Putting words around an otherwise almost unexplainable thing. A fear. A worry. A dark shape in the back of your mind, with a murky voice to match its exteriors.

He’s describing exactly what you’re worried about.

“Yeah,” you whisper, voice stunned and eyes wide, “yeah, that’s, that’s it.”

And Eddie’s eyes are nothing but gentle and understanding when he glances back over at you, but this time around, they don’t feel too kind, they just feel earnest.

“Well, in that case, let me tell you that I’d rather spend time with you, even when you’re in some dark mood, than not having your presence around me at all. You can show up in any state that you find yourself in, I promise, I can take it.

“When I said, I’m here to help, I really, truly, meant it. Taking care of one another is a fundamental part of friendships, and you're one of my closest ones, so please, let me at least try to help. Don’t push me out completely.”

You sniffle again, searching your pockets for a tissue or something to wipe your nose with, but you come up completely empty.

“The glove department.” Eddie suggests out of nowhere, and you can’t help but let out a tiny, timid laugh.

There’s a small pack of kleenex hidden inside of it, and you gratefully take one.

“Thank you,” you mumble, and you hope that Eddie knows you’re not just talking about the paper tissue clenched in your hand.

“You’re very welcome.” Eddie answers with a small smile, and when your eyes meet, you know he understood the implications of your words, too.

“I’m sorry about distancing myself so much, and-“

“You don’t need to apologize for grieving, just let me at least try to catch up with you sometimes? Maybe don’t lock the door completely?”

“I’ll try.” You whisper.

You promise.

“And about Billy.” Eddie starts carefully, because there’s something that needs to be said, even if you don’t want to hear it.

“Do you really think Billy wants you to suffer for the rest of your life without him? I know you feel a lot of guilt about his death, but you’re punishing yourself in the cruelest of ways, by-“

“It’s not that I don’t want to be happy, Eddie.” You interrupt him quietly.

“It’s that I don’t deserve it. Not after everything that happened. Not after the way I’ve let him down. I have to make it up to him somehow-“

“And you think you’re making it up to him by, what, stop trying to live a happy life?”

“I don’t know,” you whisper, because, truly, you don’t. “But it feels wrong to… to just move on without him.”

Eddie knows there isn’t anything he can say to convince you otherwise, and if he’s really honest, he kind of gets it. If he imagines losing you in such a way, he would struggle with an endless amount of guilt and an inability to move on from that, too.

But what happened still isn’t your fault, yet you’ve put such a heavy burden on yourself, one that no human soul can possibly bear or carry. To his despair, Eddie doesn’t know how to make you take that off. How to find a space big and strong enough for you to put that, lay it down to rest.

“If it was Billy who survived,” Eddie tries, since he knows there’s no other way to reach you, “would you want him to suffer, too?”

“Of course not,” you huff, “but it wasn’t Billy who survived, now was it?”

There’s a bitterness in your voice as you cross your arms defensively over your chest, and Eddie feels you slipping away from him again, away, and into the steady silence and darkness of the car.

He’s almost by your house now, and he feels the dire need to turn this around somehow.

“I get it,” he finally whispers, “If it was the person I loved, I would feel like this, too. But that doesn’t make it right, doesn’t make that narrative true. What happened wasn’t your fault, and punishing yourself like it is, isn’t going to add anything other than additional suffering on yourself. It’s not going to bring Billy back, and I very much doubt that he’d want that for you either.”

“But it’s not about what he wants, or you want, or I want!” You say, voice desperate and rising in volume.

“It’s about the fact that I don’t deserve to move on without him; besides, there’s nowhere to move on to anymore. There’s no way I should be happy when the better half of my heart is lying six feet underground in some cheap ass casket with a ribbon on it.

“And I still wake up every night reaching for him, only to find his side of the bed empty and cold. And every time the world comes back crashing down on me again, every. single. fucking. night. And I take it, because, maybe, that's simply what I deserve! He’s been through so much, and it’s all my fault!

“I keep seeing him in everything I do, yet it’s completely pointless because he isn’t there by my side anymore. And he never will be. I will never be able to hear his voice again, never be able to hear his laugh. Never feel the comfort of his presence ever again, because he died!

“He died saving a town he hated and yet nobody cares. And I can’t even leave this shithole of a place because I made a promise to him months before his death, that if anything ever happens to him, I would look out for his little sister! So I’m stuck here just like his fucking body is!

“And how am I even supposed to move on, when all of my dreams, all of the plans I had for the future involved Billy in some way. He was the one constant in my life, the only constant in my life that truly mattered more than anything else in this world. Just for it now to feel like the light of my life, the sun I’ve been revolving everything around has gone out, and I’m left all alone, spinning out helplessly on a cold and dying planet.

“It’s fucking hard to move on, when there’s nowhere to move on to, because I simply cannot imagine a future without Billy in it. And there’s no way to soothe the hurt, or to fill the emptiness that his absence has created, since there’s no way for me to get him back ever again!“

You’re full on crying now, and after having sobbed so much throughout the latter part of your admission, you didn’t even notice that Eddie already parked the car and unbuckled your seatbelt.

You only notice it once you’re done, all the words having left your mouth, energy completely drained, when suddenly two arms wrap themselves around you, lifting you up, over the center console - and into Eddie’s lap.

You slump against him immediately, heavy sobs still wrecking your body, while your best friend, the one you shared your very first kiss in middle school with, the one who has seen you cry a thousand times before, quietly whispers soothing words to you.

“Shh, just let it out. Let it all out, it’s okay, I’ve got you. You can let it all out, love.”

His touch, much like his words, feels incredibly comforting. His arms are wrapped securely around you, keeping you close, one hand brushing that tender spot at the back of your neck in soothing strokes.

He stays true to his words, takes all the vulnerability and hurt that flows out of you in cries and tears, witnesses you breaking down completely, yet he never falters in his mission to gently guide you through it all.

Like a storm that you’re both trapped in. But his comfort, his presence, soothes the severity of the rain pouring down, lessens the strength of the howling wind, until the hurricane quiets down, and your cries, like clouds, start getting smaller.

Letting go like this, crying unrestrained in his arms, feels not as hopeless and heavy as it usually does when you’re doing it all alone in the darkness and isolation of your bedroom. And suddenly, you feel compelled to admit something you’ve never told anybody.

“It’s my fault, Eddie. It’s all my fault.” You whisper, but Eddie brushes you off gently.

“Shh, no it isn’t, sweetheart. The only one responsible is the mindflayer, remember?”

“No, Eddie, you don’t understand, I could have saved him, I could have-”

Eddie furrows his brows in confusion. He doesn’t know the events that happened at Starcourt Mall that night to a T, since he wasn’t there during them, but he’s pretty sure that there’s hardly anything you could have done to save Billy.

From the things he’s been told, you arrived there when it was already too late. When Billy already decided to stand up to that monster all by himself.

You had just come back from the airport, fresh out of California, confused and incredibly concerned because Billy hadn’t responded to any of your calls while you were away.

When you finally made it back to Hawkins, you found yourself rushing to the Mall, just to watch the love of your life fight a monster with his bare hands, trying his hardest to hold it back, to stop it, but to no avail.

And despite the fact that you ran up to him immediately, you still had to watch him get impaled and killed by that interdimensional monster.

And by the time you made it to Billy’s side, the only thing you could do was to hold his dying body close in your arms, while he took his last, uneven breaths, and you whispered your final I love you’s.

Weeks later, when Steve came over to pick up a few things to help ease his own nightmares, he told Eddie in secret that he doesn’t remember much from that night, but one of the things that had etched itself into his brain were your fierce cries.

He said he heard you scream Billy’s name that night so loudly, so full of utter desperation and horror, he was sure your cries could be heard all over the town of Hawkins.

But your horrors didn’t just end there that godless night at the mall. Because when help finally arrived, you refused to acknowledge the first aid responders, as they told you that Billy was dead and gone or good.

You refused to budge, refused to let Billy go, refused to watch him be put into some cold, plastic body bag.

They needed four grown men in order to get you off and away from Billy’s body, and no matter how much they tried to calm you down, you still wouldn’t stop fighting back, not until someone finally infused you with some tranquilizer, but even while drifting into unconsciousness, you continued to whimper Billy’s name in quiet pleas.

That night, under a starless sky in the town of Hawkins, Indiana, you lost the love of your life, and you knew, you would never be the same again.

There’s no such thing as recovery when you lose the most vital part, your heart, in such a gruesome way.

But there’s another reason for the immense guilt you feel.

The knowledge that you could have prevented it.

And it’s time for you to share that part.

You talk one last steading breath, hoping that your voice won’t sound as shaky as you feel.

“Before I went to Cali, to meet with that administrator from UCLA, we had initially decided that I would fly out there all by myself, but two days before my departure, Billy told me that he wanted to join in on the trip and come with me instead.”

Eddie feels your frame trembling slightly, your hands digging into his shirt in an effort to hold on to something.

“But I told him no.” You wail, sobs rumbling through you like thunder. Tears streaming down like hail. Each and every single one punching holes in Eddie's heart.

“I told him no; That that was silly, that I’d be fine on my own, and that I would be gone for hardly a week anyway. I told him that booking a flight so last minute would be way too expensive, and that we could use that money a lot more for our first rent payment, because, you know, we wanted to move into that small apartment right by the sea once uni starts-“

Eddie is stunned. He’s frozen. He doesn’t know what to do, because he had no idea.

Sure, he knew about yours and Billy’s plan to move to California once the summer break came to an end. But you have never, ever told him that story, and he doubts that you’ve shared it with anyone else either, judging by how hard it is for you to recall any of these details.

“Even when he dropped me off at the airport, he still joked about sneaking in and getting his own ticket at the desk. He said that there was still time, that I only had to say the words and we’d board that stupid plane together… but I didn’t.

"I just laughed and kissed him goodbye, and told him to stop being such a sap; that I would be back in no time, and in only a couple of weeks we would both soak in the Californian sun till the end of our days, and never have to hear the word Hawkins again.

"But if I had listened to him; if I’d taken him with me, he would still be around!”

Your voice, now utterly hoarse from crying, might haunt Eddie for a lifetime or two.

He’s at a loss of words, because what really is there to say?

Of course, what happened isn’t your fault, you didn’t know. You couldn’t have predicted that this moment with Billy at the airport would end up being the last time you sincerely saw him smile, and yet, Eddie understands now, why Billy’s death feels even more like a burden on the tender shoulders of your soul.

How you didn’t just lose the love of your life, but feel utterly responsible for it, too.

“I could have saved him, I could have prevented his death, if I only had let him buy his stupid plane ticket.”

The regret in your voice is almost palatable, dripping from your slumped frame like the tears from your eyes.

“If I hadn’t said: No, Billy. Money’s tight, Billy. Being away from me for a few days won’t kill you, Billy... If it wasn’t for me, he’d still be here. ”

Well, shit, Eddie thinks, hindsight really is one brutal tool.

Are there any words, in this universe, that could take some of the burden off your shoulders? Something to ease your guilt and the blame you clearly feel? Eddie doesn’t think that there are.

All the words he thinks about saying just sound hollow and dull.

He can repeat the phrase, this isn’t your fault, a million times; he’s sure you still wouldn’t believe him.

But at the very least, he has to try.

“I didn’t know,” Eddie whispers, wiping a few stray tears from your cheeks, “I didn’t know that that happened.”

You sniffle, eyes darting everywhere, but the face of your close friend.

“I’ve never-”

You can’t even finish the sentence, and Eddie feels his heart do an incredibly uncomfortable twist, as he hears his assumption be called true.

You’ve been dragging that secret around like a dead horse; and that’s on top of all the other shit that’s been thrown your way.

“Please don’t tell the others,” you whisper, and the desperation and worry in your voice is hard to miss. Like you almost expect Eddie to start blaming you, too.

“It’s okay, I won’t tell, I promise.” He pledges, “but what happened still isn’t your fault. I know, it’s probably impossible to change your mind right now, but it really wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know. If you did, things might have gone differently, that’s true, but you didn’t know.

"You didn’t know that in your absence, Billy would find himself getting possessed and taken over by the Mind Flayer. You didn’t know. You can’t blame yourself for something you had no clue would happen.”

Your sniffles have now quieted down to something that doesn’t feel like bullets through Eddie’s heart, but the way you curl up into him still tugs on something tender deep inside of him.

It’s like you’ve turned shy all of a sudden, worried about what Eddie might think of you, now that you’ve shared that heavy secret. But Eddie doesn’t see you in a different light, and he’s determined to reassure you that, too.

“I really mean it, when I say that what happened to Billy isn’t your fault. Looking back at the past with the knowledge you have now, is always going to leave you wondering why you picked one choice rather than another.

"And you’ll drive yourself mad, if you judge all of your life’s choices that way. You didn’t know. And punishing yourself for a decision you made in nothing but good faith, wondering what could have happened if you didn’t, sweetheart, that’s just no way to live.”

Tentatively moving your face out of your hiding spot that’s Eddie’s neck, you look up at him with careful eyes.

“You think so?”

Eddie just nods his head with a deep hum.

“If you had taken Billy with you, you don’t know what could have happened. He could have died there, too, you know? And then you’d wish that you’d left him in Hawkins instead. It’s a vicious cycle of what was and what could have been,but, ultimately, we don’t know, and we never will.

"All you did in that moment at the airport was make a sensible decision based on all of the information you had at that time. Judging it by anything else is doing a disservice to you and your intentions. You just tried to do good, to look out for you and Billy, with your shared future in mind.”

“So, you don’t think I’m -“

Despicable, a murderer, a horrible person, responsible for Billy’s death, the voice in your head finishes.

“I don’t think you’re a bad person at all, sweetheart.” Eddie whispers, knowing what you’re thinking without saying it, while wiping the last few tears from the apples of your cheeks.

“And you’re not just telling me this because you are my friend?” You sniffle, voice and mind still a little unsure.

“I’m telling you this because it is true.”

The sincerity and earnestness of Eddie’s words are hard to miss, hard to ignore, hard not to let seep into your heart at least a little bit.

You stay intertwined like that for a while, until your breaths have evened out, and the last tears on your skin have dried down.

They’re back in your eyes for a moment, when you notice the dark mascara stains you’ve left on Eddie’s Hellfire t-shirt, and something inside of you starts to panic, but your best friend is quick to shush you again, calming you down with gentle words.

“It’s just a shirt, sweetheart. Just tears and mascara stains on a shirt, don’t worry about it.”

“You sure?” You mumble, and Eddie nods his head enthusiastically.

“Nothing a washing machine can’t fix.”

Still not completely convinced, you try to rub some of it away, but only with little success.

Letting out a defeated sigh, you decide to curl up into your friend a bit more, enjoying a closeness you haven’t experienced in a while.

And Eddie lets you, not just because you clearly need it, but because he does, too.

He missed this, missed you, and despite your promise to try and be around more, he’s worried that by tomorrow, you will have receded back into your reclusive ways.

Time moves through the space of the van in the form of the quiet music coming from the radio. Currently it’s some cheesy 70s ballad that neither of you pay too much attention to.

You’re both deep in thought, only grounded by the touch of the other.

Eddie has a few more words sitting heavy on the tip of tongue, waiting for him to open his mouth and finally tumble out.

There’s no such thing as the right moment in a space like this, he thinks, and so, after another beat of slow moving music, flowing like syrup all around him, he whispers: “Do you trust me?”

If his words confuse you, or catch you by surprise, you don’t show. Instead, you just look up at him with honest eyes.

“Yes.” You whisper, and there’s not an ounce of a question stained in your voice, or written on your face.

“Of course, I do.”

“Then please trust me when I say that there’s a future for you, even if you can’t quite see it yet. And you’re allowed to move towards it, even if it still seems gloomy, or unattainable right now. The things that happened that night at Starcourt Mall should have never happened, but none of it was your fault. None of it, okay?”

He’s holding your face in both of his hands now, cradling it gently, silently hoping, begging, crying to the gods above, that at least a fraction of what he’s said will take root in your heart.

“Okay.” You whisper, overwhelmed by the deep sincerity in each and every single fragment of Eddie. His eyes, his voice, the gentle brush of his fingertips.

“Good.”

He leans in, leaving a lingering kiss on your forehead, but before either of you can dwell on the meaning of that too much, a sudden noise of static cuts right through the moment, making the both of you jump.

Catching you off guard and slightly startled.

“What the-” Eddie mumbles while leaning forward to change the station, but the frown on his face only deepens when the radio won’t budge at all.

“So much for a perfect radio reception, huh?” You can’t help the tiny dig, and Eddie scoffs, though there’s a small smile growing on his face.

“I swear, this has never happened before.”

“Uh-huh, and you don’t think that this might be explained by the fact that you usually never listen to the radio?”

“You know, I might be inclined to believe your theory, if it was just the radio signal that’s going off, but the whole thing is acting strange. I can’t even-”

In an attempt to demonstrate to you that he isn’t even able to change stations, Eddie forcefully turns the button- only for it to work perfectly this time.

But for some odd reason, all the other channels seem to consist of nothing but pure static, too.

“Okay, that’s weird.” You whisper, trying to ignore the small chill that’s started to run down your back, as you realize how familiar this situation feels.

You’re about to tell Eddie to just turn the radio completely off, when he finally finds a channel that is not just static upon static noise.

“Hah!” He exclaims, quite pleased with himself, though that sentiment turns out to be rather short-lived.

“Still weird.” You mumble, while Eddie continues to toy with the volume button this time, and it makes you listen to the song more intently.

It’s Take my breath away , of all things. Not quite the song you’d pick for a Friday night, sitting in your best friend's van, still perched upon his lap.

“Through the hourglass, I saw you.

In time, you slipped away.”

Terri Nunn sings, and you’re about to ask Eddie if he can just turn this whole thing off, when the song, completely out of nowhere, starts to change its pitch.

“Take my breath away,” rattles through the speakers, only now it resonates both slower and lower, kind of like a vinyl record being played at the wrong speed, giving the singer a much deeper voice.

The song suddenly sounds a lot more sinister and a lot less romantic, and though you don’t mind the latter, the way the song is now being played hardly counts as an improvement in your books.

“Uhm, Eddie, what exactly are you doing?” You question, as you watch your friend continue to tinker with the electronic device.

“I don’t know.” He mumbles, voice slightly muffled because he’s bent over quite a bit, and you take shelter on his left knee in an effort to get out of the way a little more.

“Watching every motion in this foolish lover’s game.

Haunted by the notion somewhere there’s a love in flames.”

The distorted voice coming from the speakers promises, and you feel yourself grow rather uneasy, as the odd voice manages to sound more and more threatening.

“Eddie, please turn this off.”

“I’m trying, but the power button won’t work.”

“Eddie, don’t fuck with me right now.”

“I’m not, alright. I promise, I’m not.”

To prove his point, your best friend purposely pushes the on/off button a couple of times, but it simply continues to stay unresponsive.

“See?”

To your own horrors, you not only see the radio’s inability to shut itself off, you hear it, too.

“Uh-huh, kind of hard not to notice, Eddie. This sounds like music straight from hell.”

“I honestly don’t think the music down there would be that bad.”

That comment deserves your friend a small punch in his side, which he retaliates in turn with a poke of his own, and for a moment the weird music is almost forgotten, until suddenly it turns itself completely off again.

“Fuck, about time.” Eddie exclaims, relief evident in his voice.

“Seems like even the broadcast from hell struggles with transmission difficulties sometimes.” You state dryly, although, you’d be lying if you said that whatever this just was, didn’t unnerve you, too.

“This seriously never happened before.” Eddie mumbles, eying his radio with two watchful eyes, like he doesn’t quite trust the silence yet.

“Guess I can’t say the same thing.” You state with a small shrug, and when Eddie gives you a slightly confused look, you elaborate: “This is kind of exactly like the stuff plaguing the Camaro.”

“Your music gets that distorted?”

“No, but anything except that seems quite familiar; the static, the unresponsiveness of the buttons, the radio just turning itself off like that.”

“Geez.” Eddie summarizes, and you don’t think you could put it any better either.

“Well, in any case, I know now that the problem can’t just be the radio signal, but probably something a lot more technical. Maybe an issue with the speakers, too, if the sound comes out that weirdly.”

“Yeah, for a minute I thought we were in some kind of horror movie.” You joke with a timid laugh, and it’s only now as you begin to relax again that you notice how incredibly tightly you’ve been holding on to Eddie’s shoulder, fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt and the soft cushion of his flesh.

After letting go quickly, your hand repeatedly strokes over that spot inconspicuously, like you’re trying to brush out a wrinkle you caused in a tablecloth without getting caught.

Like Eddie can’t still feel the cresent moons of your fingernails pushing into his skin.

“Quite honestly, a minute more of that racket, and I would have gone insane.”

“Would have?” You tease, and Eddie’s quick fingers are back at your sides.

“Stop, stop!” You plead in between soft giggles, and Eddie thinks he would endure hell’s music for eternity, if it means he can listen to your earnest laughter one more time.

Eddie’s fingers come to a rest soon after, and you lean into his frame once more, slightly out of breath from the tickle-induced laughing.

“You’re not playing fair.” You huff, as soon as you have enough of your breath back to properly talk again, and Eddie just gives you a big grin.

“Never said I was.”

You roll your eyes, but it’s a half-hearted act, one that leaves you dodging Eddie’s fingers again.

“Well, I think I should get going now.” You state, after the ceasefire between tickling hands has reigned for a little bit longer, and it slowly dawns on you that you’ve spent a whole lot more time with Eddie than you’d initially planned.

“Right, sure!” Eddie quickly fumbles with the door, trying to get it to open for you, without dropping you in the process.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow then.” He states, as you reluctantly detach yourself from him, before hopping out of his car and catching your footing on the curb in front of your house.

“Yeah, a quarter to 10,” you remind him, “and don’t stress about the Camaro too much, especially now that you have two patients to look after, instead of just one.”

Your eyes fixate on his car radio.

“Guess whatever is going on is contagious now.”

You initially meant it as a joke, but now that the words have left your mouth, you can’t help but feel like there’s a bitter aftertaste to them.

“Eddie, whatever you do, please be careful, okay?”

“Don’t worry, I usually know what I’m doing.”

“Uh-huh.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, I just know you, is all.”

This time, it’s Eddie’s turn to roll his eyes.

“Oh, and Eddie,” you quickly interject, suddenly feeling a little more shy, “thank you.”

Your friend’s gaze immediately softens.

“Anytime.”

“I… uh, I think I really needed this, so thank you for not giving up on me.”

“I would never!” Eddie looks almost offended at the implication that you could even think such a thing.

“I know now, I guess. And, uh, thank you for the tape, too.”

Waving the small item for emphasis, you hope Eddie truly catches how much the events of tonight matter to you.

And you’d like to think, as your eyes meet his in parting, that he does.

That he does understand how much all of this means to you. How much his efforts are appreciated.

“Drive slowly!” You exclaim in a last farewell, “and I can’t wait to meet your carton of eggs tomorrow.”

Eddie’s laugh echoes through the space of the night like warm rays of sunshine.

“I’ll let them know how eagerly you’ve been waiting for an introduction.”

“Please do. Good night, Eddie.”

“Night, sweetheart.”

One last wave and a shared smile later, and the van’s door closes with a dull thud.

You watch Eddie drive off into the night, his taillights vanishing in the distance until they’re only a mere memory of two red eyes glowing in the empty space of your street.

Turning around to walk the few steps through your yard and up the stairs to your entrance, you can’t help but notice that the many memories buried deep within your chest feel a little lighter, or maybe just a little less heavy.

And by the time you make it through your front door, the profound dread you normally feel upon walking into your family home does not overcome you the way it usually does.

Once inside, you make your way into the kitchen immediately, getting some cold beverage before settling down in your bedroom.

Like every night, you turn the TV on, letting it play as a background noise mindlessly, without paying much attention to it.

It’s another rerun of the movie Rumble Fish, and you honestly couldn’t care less about it, you just need some kind of distraction, some kind of stimuli, because anything is better than the haunting silence, especially in the portent hours between midnight and the rise of dawn.

It’s not quite that late yet, but it most likely will be, by the time you feel exhausted enough to get at least some resemblance of sleep.

Putting down Eddie’s tape on your bedside table, you decide to look for your cassette player, while the movie continues on lowly in the background.

The TV also functions as your only light source, and its flickering lights illuminate the space of your bedroom before turning darker and then back into brightness again.

It’s an endless charade of light and dark against your bedroom walls.

As usual, the television alone isn’t enough of a distraction, and with a sigh, you decide to put on a record as well, to reallydrive the last remnants of your spinning thoughts out of your brain.

Tonight, that honor falls in the hands of Patti Smith, and her powerful voice joins the hushed ones coming from the television.

Moving through the space of your bedroom restlessly, you still try to find your walkman, but to no avail.

You know you haven’t used it in a while, yet that doesn’t explain its apparent disappearance, and you feel angry tears start to fill your eyes.

You just want to listen to that goddamn tape, and forget about the rest of the world for a little bit.

After going through the items in your bookshelf one more time, you come to the realization that this current search-mission is a rather fruitless endeavor, and you might find yourself having more luck in the morning.

Defeated, and admittedly in a worse mood than you were before entering your bedroom, you flop down on your bed again, picking up Eddie’s tape and opening it up carefully.

He’s written you a little note on the inside of the cover, underneath the, admittedly, rather small tracklist.

I See You In Everyone by Survivor

x 5 times on Side A

x 5 times on Side B

Knock yourself out with this.

- Eddie

The tiny smile creeping up on your lips is impossible to call a halt to, and you really wish you could listen to the cassette now; if only you knew where your tape player currently resides.

The song, that Eddie put on a tape as many times as it could possibly fit, is from the same album as the love song you and Billy used to call your own. And despite owning it as a vinyl in your rather extensive record collection, you don’t have the heart, or the strength, to listen to the complete album anymore.

When Billy was still around, you used to listen to it all the time, obviously.

But with I can’t hold back as the opening track on it, every song that followed would usually fade into the background quickly.

Especially with the amount of times you've made out with each other to said record, and by the time it was time to flip the vinyl over, you two were already in a completely different world, music and your surroundings completely forgotten.

With that in mind, you never really listened that much to the B-side of the album.

Until Billy’s death.

Until in a desperate attempt to feel closer to him, a few days after his funeral, you decided to listen to it, the whole way through.

A great mistake, as it turned out, because the onslaught of memories that came with everything in that moment; picking the record out, pulling it out of its covers, putting it on, and above all listening to it, felt like stabs straight through your heart, through yourself, through every fiber of your being, until you felt like a puddle of pure misery, tears, and despair, staining the soft carpet of your bedroom floor.

But still, you pulled through, flipped the record over and listened to everything that that album had to offer.

And you cried the whole time, completely overcome by sadness and anger, until the very last song.

I See You In Everyone.

You don’t think you’ve ever listened to it before, or maybe you did, but you don’t remember. Either way, that afternoon, something about that tune struck a vital cord deep inside of you.

And you wanted to listen to it again, over, and over, and over, until the vinyl would be completely worn out, or your record player broke, or the world got up in flames.

The outside world, of course.

Your world already did.

But unfortunately, you could hardly bear looking at that record, could hardly stomach touching it, or pulling it out of its designated space on your sideboard; let alone repeatedly engage in the whole process of actually putting it on and listening to it.

You had to banish that vinyl from the space of your bedroom completely, each time you merely saw the cover of Vital Signs your heart would drop ten million feet below, shattering at the bottom of the earth and piercing every part of your soul.

That night, after having listened to the record completely, maybe for the first time ever, you got out of your mind drunk, kicking stones into the abyss of the quarry, until Eddie found you and-

Well, the exact details hardly matter now, and it’s not like you remember much from it anyway. That night, like most of the nights following the first few weeks after Billy’s death, are nothing but a blur to you.

But you do recall telling Eddie how there’s this song on your favorite Survivor record. That one record that’s cursed as your least favorite now, because it sparks nothing but painful memories, like lightning in the sky.

Except for that one song, that one song.

That one song you want to listen to until your world doesn’t feel like it’s burning anymore.

Until your heart stops hurting, until you wake up one morning without feeling like there’s a massive hole in the middle of your chest.

And Eddie, attentive as ever, somehow remembered.

And now, here you are, with the song you’ve been craving for a whole long while, right there at the tips of your fingers, but with no real way to listen to it.

You know that crying over something like this is a bit silly, but you’ve cried over smaller things before, and this right now feels rather big on your side of the universe.

“Goddamn it!” You whisper, irritated by both, the tears in your eyes, and your inability to find that walkman.

You stare at your ceiling for a little bit, almost ready to call it a night, when suddenly, out of your peripheral vision, you see something light up.

It’s only brief, only for a short moment of time, and you brush it off as a trick of the light coming from the TV at first, before it happens again.

And again.

And again once more.

And by the fourth time, you finally lift your head.

It’s the small night light on your dresser that’s lighting up, and then goes off again, lights up and then goes off again.

“What the fuck?” You whisper confused, especially since you’re beyond certain that you didn’t even turn it on in the first place.

You simply stare at it for a little while, watching the slow rhythm of the light flickering on and then off again.

On and then off.

After having seen enough of this odd routine, you decidedly get up, making your way over to the weirdly behaving culprit.

The night light is a simple lamp in the shape of a small, plastic surfboard that lights up from within, giving its surroundings a warm, orange glow.

It used to be a gift from Billy, something he’s gotten you without any special occasion, just because he thought it might look cute in your room, and maybe, as a small thing to remember him by.

“So, when you wake up in the middle of the night without me by your side, you can still think of me, and remember that I’m always yours, even when we’re miles apart.” He had told you with an uncharacteristically shy gaze, and your heart beamed with the luminosity of a thousand suns.

You had wanted to get him a night light, too, initially. Thinking there was something deeply romantic about the small gesture of sharing matching night lights with each other while being apart.

Separated physically, but united in spirit, thinking of the other in your dark bedrooms, the small night lights a whisper of the other’s name.

In practice, that turned out to be a whole lot more difficult, mostly thanks to Billy’s dad.

There simply was no way that such a thing would survive even a single night in Billy’s room without harm, and it wasn’t really worth the risk either, to be honest.

You didn’t want to give Neil any more reasons to mistreat and discipline his son, than he already had.

So instead, you got Billy a little figurine that looked a lot like his Camaro. It wasn’t completely right, but still close enough, and you even took the time to paint two little faces on the windows of each side.

A small iteration of Billy on the driver’s side, and you on the passenger seat.

In reality, it looked a lot like two stick figures with bad hairstyles, and Billy started crying with laughter upon seeing them. His hearty hyena laugh echoing through your room for what felt like hours before he would calm down.

“I love it,” he said, voice rough from his unrestrained glee, wiping a few tears away.

“You look like something out of an alien movie, trying to disguise itself as human, and I look like a possessed doll, but at least you got my angles right.”

And Billy threw his head back laughing again, curls flying everywhere as he shook his head in nothing but pure joy.

“No, no, wait, I’ve got it! I’ve got it! I look like if Robert Plant and the smiley face from the goodwill logo had a baby!”

And then he was back to laughing his ass off again, amusement in every heaving breath leaving his lips, and you couldn’t help but join in on his laughter, too.

“I’m never painting you something again.” You huffed, once you’d both calmed down enough, and though you tried hard to sound annoyed, you failed miserably.

“Oh, no, Baby, please do! Please paint me things all the time now!” Billy exclaimed with a twinkle in his eyes.

“I didn’t know about your talents! Tell me, who was your teacher? A five year old?”

“Asshole!” You'd grumbled, but you couldn’t keep a smile from spreading on your face.

“Hey, hey, I’m sorry.” Billy immediately backtracked, not having seen your amused facial expression yet, and thinking you were earnestly hurt by his jab.

He quickly rolled over on the bed to see you properly, caging you in between himself and the mattress, before cupping your face gently.

“I love it, okay? It’s a great gift! It kind of looks like Picasso threw up all over it, but I love it and-“

“Oh, shut up!”

His comments had you laughing again, and you slapped his shoulder playfully while Billy gave you an earnest smile.

“I really love it, it’s perfect.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“This is going to be us one day,” you whispered, “just us, leaving this shithole town and never looking back.”

“Yeah?”

“Uh-huh.”

“And where are we going?” Billy murmured, face inching closer to yours, until the very tips of your noses touched.

“Wherever you want to go,” you whispered, “wherever you want to go, Billy, I’ll follow.”

“You promise?”

Billy’s voice suddenly sounded more vulnerable, like it was thick with emotions, or tears, or disbelief, or maybe a jumbled mix of it all.

“Cross my heart.” You murmured, fingers tracing a X upon your chest.

“I’ll always be by your side, Billy, and that little car is supposed to be a reminder for you.”

There had been tears swimming in Billy’s eyes when you pulled him close for a deep kiss, and by the time your lips met, there were tears in your eyes, too.

From that day on, Billy left that toylike figurine sitting on his bedside table, at a spot where it would always be illuminated by the soft glow from one of the street lamps outside at night.

It almost looked like it was glowing a little itself, and each time Billy woke up from a nightmarish dream, his eyes would find the small object, and he knew that he was going to get out of all of this, one day.

One day, you and him would leave everything behind and start over some place else.

And his heart longed for that moment, where he could walk out of his father’s house and never ever come back again.

So, that’s how you and Billy gifted each other a tiny copy of the Camaro, and a glowing, plastic surfboard.

A surfboard that’s now flickering away on your dresser, and you can feel your heart sink a little at the sight.

“Oh, please don’t die on me, too.” You whisper, worried that the present that reminds you so much of your boyfriend decided to fritz out at the worst possible time.

It only takes you a couple of steps from where you’re currently sitting on the bed to get to the item in question, a deep frown settling upon your face.

And that expression only deepens, once you notice that the lamp’s switch is still securely placed in its off position.

“What-” you mumble quietly, as unease begins to settle in your stomach more and more, “how’s that even possible?”

The flickering of the light increases its speed.

On. Off. On. Off. On. Off.

“Okay, t-that’s enough.” Your voice comes out with a little tremor, but how could it not?

There have been weird things happening in your bedroom before; sometimes, lights will flicker. Sometimes, your TV will suddenly turn to static, seemingly out of nowhere; but none of that ever bothers you too much, because it can all be explained away with the easy excuse of old wiring, or the growing age of your devices.

Take your record player for example. A loyal thing gifted to you by your mother on your 14th birthday, but only a few weeks ago it started to act up, skipping and looping perfectly good vinyls for no apparent reason with increased frequency. It has to be its growing age, you’re sure of that.

Maybe, it’s simply getting a bit too old and tired of spinning records all the time. And you can’t really blame it. You’ve been planning to take it to RadioShack for a while, to get it checked out and hopefully fixed, but it’s not something that concerns you too much, either.

So, when your night light starts to flicker in your room, it’s not like you’ve never seen such a thing before, but usually, the device is at the very least turned on.

This, however, cannot be said for the little surfboard right now. It’s definitely switched off, and yet, every two seconds, it lights up the space of your dresser in a bright, orange hue.

Your first attempt to make it stop is to simply turn the lamp on and then off again. Unfortunately, it doesn’t budge in the slightest, and the memory of your and Eddie’s car radios doing something oddly familiar creeps its way into your mind.

You feel your heartbeat quickening, as a growing anxiety rushes through you, this should not be possible, you think, and yet, here you are bearing witness to it.

With trembling fingers, you try switching it off one last time, but after being unsuccessful again, you can’t help but take a few shaky steps back.

“Okay,” you whisper, trying hard not to freak out completely, “okay, okay, okay, okay.”

There’s one more thing that you could try.

One more chance to make it stop.

Whatever it even is.

You quickly approach the dresser again, this time kneeling down next to its side, hand stretching out in an effort to reach into the space behind it.

There’s cobwebs, and dust, and hardly any room, and your fingers keep touching things you’d rather not think about, before you feel the outline of your outlet merging together with the plug.

It’s a tight fit, the space between your furniture and wall being rather narrow, and trying to pull the plug from its socket without scratching up your hands is not an easy task, but somehow, after some rounds of trial and error, you manage to finally set it free.

There’s a small clicking sound, and then, unceremoniously, the lamp turns completely off.

“Jesus Christ,” you exhale, resting your head gently against your wooden dresser, trying to take a few steading breaths.

“That was…” You don’t even know how to finish that sentence.

Spooky? Unexpected? Quite something?

Retreading your hand from the space between turns out to go a lot quicker and smoother than getting it there, and you shake it a few times with slight disgust, convinced that you can still feel faint traces of cobwebs haunting it.

With a heavy sigh, you take a look through your room, but everything else seems just the same.

Like nothing weird happened at all.

Your TV keeps playing in the background, and your Patti Smith record is still spinning.

And your pulse is slowly coming down to healthy level again.

You’re about to get up and back into bed, hoping to forget whatever just happened, when something small and rectangular lying underneath your dresser catches your eye.

Your breath hitches once you realize what you’re looking at, and your heart might actually be doing a tiny flip.

There, behind one leg of your wooden dresser, hides your missing walkman.

“No way,” you mumble, confused and slightly stunned.

“How the hell did you get here?” You question, though you don’t expect the inanimate object to actually answer that.

You don’t remember any event that might explain why your tape player currently resides in such an odd place, but you also don’t really have the energy, or brain power, to question the whole thing, either.

You just want to cuddle up in bed and forget a good portion of this night. Block out the weird behavior of your lamp and its meaning; at the very least for a few hours.

You’re still trying to convince yourself that this was probably just a faulty cable, or maybe, a defect wiring connected to the switch, or something.

You can overthink these details in the morning, though, because right now, your fingers really itch to finally, finally listen to that tape.

To have its melody soothe a part of your soul that you otherwise can’t touch, can’t reach.

Putting your headphones on securely, and pushing the play button with still slightly shaky fingers, you feel yourself exhale slowly as the opening notes of the song begin.

You stare at the ceiling for a bit, as you let the music wash over you.

The glow from the TV draws flickering shapes on some parts of the space surrounding you, before withdrawing again, like waves.

It’s a hypnotizing spectacle, and you watch it for a while, trying not to think of the many Californian beaches you’ll have to visit all on your own.

By now, the moon has traveled enough across the horizon, to finally find its way in front of your bedroom window, painting your desk and the edge of your bed in a milky hue.

“Listening for your footsteps in every hallway

Watching for your headlights around the bend

I can see you standing in every doorway.

Out in the street, in every glance

I see your reflection, I fall in a trance

Can't you see what I've become

It's making me crazy

I see you in everyone!”

The song continues, as you long for Billy in ways that can’t be put into words.

For a moment, you decide to sit up again, turning around to face the window, looking up at the midnight blue canvas high above, hoping to find some comfort in it.

The waxing moon, a lonely companion in a cloudless sky, seems to glance down on you with a benevolent gaze, as you wipe a stray tear away.

“I miss you, Billy.” You whisper into the endless sea of midnight sky.

“I miss you so much. There’s not a single day where I don’t wish you near, where I don’t long for you to come back and hug me close.”

You continue to stare up at the moon with teary eyes while your favorite part of the song begins, and a small sob leaves your lips.

“Day by day, I watch the memories slip away

And traces of reality come back to me

Then I see your face, somewhere in a distant place

The fantasy has gone too far -

I close my eyes and there you are.

I can see you standing in every doorway

I can feel your heartbeat -- I hear your voice

And hiding in my shadow you're with me always. ”

“I just wish you would come back.” You whisper, “I just really wish you would come back somehow.”

With your eyes still transfixed on the moon, and the volume of your walkman turned up to its maximum, you don’t notice the sudden picture of static flickering over the TV screen behind you, disturbing the current scene of Rumble Fish, before turning back to its normal broadcast again.

Only this time in the movie, when Rusty James begs his brother to engage with him, to pay attention to him, his voice comes out distorted.

“Look at me, I just want you to see me, man.” The young man on the TV screen urges, voice slipping into something different, “I’m right here. I'm right here. I want you to see me-”

The screen flickers again, as the scene loops back to its beginning.

“Look at me… I’m right here, I’m right here.” A different voice says.

Billy’s voice.

Ahhh! And that’s it for the first chapter! If you’ve made it this far, thank you!! I know this part was quite Eddie/Reader heavy, but I promise Billy will start to make a lot more appearances (one way or another), too, and Eddie will have to take a backseat then.

I’m not sure when I’ll have the next part for this finished. Considering that I have a few more series and works in the drafts, it will probably take a little bit.

Like I’ve already said, I’ve decided to start a taglist so if you want to be tagged in the next chapter just let me know or fill out this form here <3

Also, before anyone decides to come for me because of my inaccurate music choices. I know that 'Take My Breath Away' was initially released in ’86 rather than ’85, but with a little suspense of belief I hope we can all overlook that tiny flaw. Thank you!

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove x you #billy hargrove fanfiction #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove fluff

120 notes · View notes

jungkook97 · 2 years

Text

hello girls and gays, just thought to make an entire masterlist of fanfiction works i’ve done so far to organize everything together!

⚠️ disclaimers: most of my fics are going to be mostly jungkook and reader with the occasional ships depending if the story fits! i do not take requests and only dedicate fics to people i love or know well for accuracy. reader’s attributes are not mentioned at all for better immersion & are generally female presenting, however it’s very easy to skip them if you’re not!

💬 shoot me an ask if you wanna be tagged in future works or write me a review. i will not be angry if you do not reblog or engage with my works because honestly i write for fun anyways. also, if you wanna collab on anything, just send me a message and we can plot 😈

here are the writing reviews i’ve gotten so far if you wanna read them before diving in 👇 🏊‍♀️

J U N G K O O K & r e a d e r

ONE SHOTS ˎˊ˗₊‧‎♡

♡ °✧‧₊˚ stuck with u - non-idol with reader, camping trip, oneshot (f2l, smut, slice of life-ish)

jeon jungkook was always over at your damn house growing up every day and known as your little brother’s bestest friend in high school, playing pokemon or some nerdy stuff. you knew he had some stupid lil crush on you for years, but didn’t think much of it. until of course, he sees you again at the fine age of 24 as some hot shot got you thinking differently.

♡ °✧‧₊˚ can’t get over you - canon with hybe staff!reader, oneshot (f2l, slice of life, soulmates, character study)

jungkook lives to love people, and as he would take a break from the chaotic energy of loving, he falls head over heels for someone yet again. are they the actual love of his life this time, or is the universe messing with him?

♡ °✧‧₊˚ why didn’t you wait for me? - non-idol fuckboy & post-college, vacation trip, oneshot (e2l, angst)

you attend a wedding in hawaii with your old high school buddy taehyung for a much needed reunion. little did you realize that the last person you wanted to see would end up attending.

♡ °✧‧₊˚ crush on you - canon with marketing director!reader, drabble (fluff, confessions)

jungkook always had the biggest crush on people who are good at their jobs. y/n always had the biggest crush on the youngest member of bts. y/n wins an award. jungkook is in attendance.

♡ °✧‧₊˚ admit it - canon & fwb with staff!reader, oneshot (smut, possessive as fuck jungkook)

you, taehyung and jungkook go out for the night much to jungkook's dismay. you looked fine as fuck tonight, and jungkook feels a certain type of way about it.

♡ °✧‧₊˚ severed - non-idol jungkook with reader, oneshot (sci-fi, drama)

you and jungkook had a terrible breakup. and so, you two decided to delete each other from your guys' memories.

♡ °✧‧₊˚ and if you let me - non-idol coworker! jungkook with reader, drabble (fluff)

it was your last day at work and jungkook, who has a big fat crush on you, throws a going away party before you go.

♡ °✧‧₊˚ (PENDING) 505 - canon with normie and very toxic!reader, oneshot (angst, light depictions of smut, friendzoned!idol jungkook, emotional manipulation, unrequited love)

she calls him and he comes like clockwork every time, even though he knows deep down that it’s never a good idea. this time, he has 2 hours to turn around before he picks her up from her ex-boyfriend’s house. will he get there or will he finally let her go?

SERIES ˎˊ˗₊‧‎♡

decision to leave universe

⋆｡°✩ decision to leave - canon with hollywood socialite!reader, oneshot (missed connections, forbidden love and abrupt endings, angst, character study)

being an idol is never easy. they work endlessly, and "fans", the media, and the company follow and critique their every movement. they're not strong enough, one could feel very trapped and suffocated. jungkook was used to all of this. what he wasn't used to was finding the right person at the wrong time.

⋆｡°✩ fling - canon with reporter!reader, spinoff from decision to leave (angst, missed connections)

you were interviewing bangtan and couldn't help but felt a level of closeness to the youngest member. soon after, jungkook ended up taking a liking to you, proposing that you two should meet up throughout the week while he was in town for a little fun.

⋆｡°✩ (PENDING) perfect illusion - canon with reporter!reader, continuation of fling (angst, missed connections)

a year has passed since you had your little fling with jungkook and well, things surely have changed: for better or for jungkook, worse. you returned to his life in an unexpected way, only to fall in love with one of his band members, min yoongi.

J U N G K O O K & B A N G T A N

⋆·˚ ༘ * something about us (namjikook) - college, series (f2l, romcom, smut, slice of life, coming out journey)

very upright christian boy jeon jungkook decided to do his roommate kim taehyung a favor by stopping by his plug’s house to get his usual shit.

little did he know that taehyung’s plug was fucking hot.

⋆·˚ ༘ * it's a bad idea, right? (jungkook x reader & yoongi x reader) - oneshot (non-idol!roommate jungkook, musician!yoongi, and music industry person!reader, romcom, smut)

yoongi and y/n broke up and she wants him back. desperately. so much so that she got a fake boyfriend (aka her annoying BUT attractive roommate) to get him jealous. what a terrible idea.

O T H E R

✿ - love drought (jackson wang x reader) - canon, oneshot (post-breakup, slice of life, angst, character study)

both of you are broken from past relationships, but chose to give love another chance when you met each other. when a misunderstanding and a long history of miscommunication leads to a breakup, you two are left wondering if you two were wrong for each other, or was it based on circumstances. on one fateful night, you decided to meet up with jackson to not only catch up, but to figure out the answer to the most important question.

#jungkook #jungkook scenarios #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x reader #writing #mine #gonna make this my pinned officially but anyway. this isn't really a writing blog exclusively #i'm just too lazy to make a whole new #writing blog esp if i already wrote shit here and tbh i'm gonna keep leaning onto this bc ok #i do have a few plot bunnies around and i need some time to flesh it out #but hopefully by year's end there's more to this #i do wanna write more bangtan fics just to keep my writing bug going and not lose steam bc fuck i love writing and wanna get better #i have a lot to work on as well like world building and doing chaptered fics but anyway! fanfiction writer katie is back baby #pls rly do not ask for requests like i will not fulfill them anyway and will make it very different from what you think #i cannot write smut for shit so don't ask me to write a 10k fic of jungkook railing you ok i'm serious

67 notes · View notes

bookdragonofsomekind · 3 months

Text

******Manga-Monday 01******

Tokyo Ghoul Volume 01

Summary:

Meet Ken Kaneki, a shy college student who loves to read. One day Ken’s dream finally comes true when a charming girl named Rize decides to go on a date with him. She seems to be the perfect girl for Kaneki. She even reads the same books as him! Even better she has the same favourite author! What could go wrong now?

Happily ever after.

Unfortunately Rize is not a big fan of fairytales and seeks a different end for her date.

Poor Kaneki.

Characters you will meet in this volume:

Ken Kaneki

Hide

Rize Kamishiro

Touka Kirishima

Dr. Kano

Hisashi Ogura

Yomo

Mr. Yoshimura

Nishiki Nishio

Quotes I particularly liked:

"I’m not the protagonist of a book or anything, I’m just a normal college student who likes to read, but if I were to write a book with me as the main character it would be a tragedy." - Kaneki

"The bird struggles out of the egg. The egg is the world. Whoever would be born must first destroy a world." - Herrmann Hesse/ Kaneki

"You are both ghoul and human at the same time. You are the only person who has a place in both worlds." - Mr. Yoshimura

My thoughts:

What brought me to read Tokyo Ghoul in the first place was my boyfriend. You can absolutely blame him for this project. Tokyo Ghoul is one of his favourite manga series.

You could say that I’m a fairly new beginner when it comes to manga and anime. I only started one and a half years ago with watching anime regularly and I think a year ago with reading manga.

(You can also totally and absolutely blame my boyfriend for this)

So starting Tokyo Ghoul I’m not completely new to the premise of the story. My partner already told me a few things about the story and characters.

Just a small disclaimer that I wanted to get out of the way.

So let’s start…

First things first Tokyo Ghoul is written and drawn by Sui Ishida and was published in 2011. I’ve gotta say I love the art style but also dislike it sometimes. Throughout the first chapters the illustrations are easy to follow and wonderful to look at. But when the action panels start it gets a bit tricky for me. That might be because I have little experience with manga of course. But I wish that he would have drawn some panels with a bit more clarity.

Kaneki at first seems to be the typical side character even though he is absolutely the main character of this story. But with characteristics like being shy, reading a lot and having a non existing social life (except of course for Hide, his best friend) Kaneki would not have been my first pick as an interesting character. But what makes him interesting is his reaction of the tragedy that befalls his life. He keeps fighting with himself to accept what happened to him. Frankly he doesn’t really know what happened to him. But as he learns more about his new self and the world that changed before him he still is set on denying being a monster and separating himself from the "monsters" around him. He is and always will be human (we will see about that).

He is very strong willed. Which is not always a good thing. He’s also pretty good at talking himself into the depths of depression.

It was a bit weird for me that he doesn’t tell anyone (not even his best friend) what happened in the alley with Rize. He keeps to himself. Tries to deal with it without help from the outside. He decides to be alone in this matter.

Even when Hide tries to break through to him. Hide is the polar opposite from Kaneki, loud and he appears not to be the brightest. But as you read on you learn that that is definitely not the case. He notices a lot and he is a very capable people reader. He senses danger. (Something that Kaneki is not as good… unfortunately for him).

As Kaneki is being changed the world around him changes too. Or at least Kanekis perspective of it. Where in his eighteen years he never had an encounter with a single ghoul he now is trembling into them at every corner.

And we quickly learn that not every ghoul is the same. I really liked Touka for example. She felt very real. She is someone who has a lot of anger inside of her. She implied many times throughout the volume that she didn’t have it easy in life. Being treated shitty from the human side as well as the ghoul side. By just confronting Kaneki how cake tastes or how easy it must be to eat all the time whenever you want. She is scarred from her life and knows the rules how to get by.

On the other side we have ghouls like Nishiki to show the complete opposite. I’ve got the feeling that Nishiki is the "standard" ghoul in the story. By that I mean a cruel, asshole who doesn’t care about humans but is pretty good at disguising as one and being charming just to get what he wants. Manipulative, greedy and absolutely power hungry. As he doesn’t only treat Hide (kinda his prey) like absolute shit but also Kaneki (a ghoul just like him (who looks to be a bit inferior against Nishiki)). Not to mention the rivalry between ghouls which is portrayed in the territory fights we’ve seen in this volume.

And then again we meet Touka's boss aka Mr. Yoshimura . He screams father figure to Touka and I could imagine that he will also be a great influence for Kaneki. He is just cozily nice (except for the human flesh in his fridge). He didn’t waste a minute to offer his help to poor Kaneki. And even after Kaneki doesn’t take his first "present" he still wants to help. Mr. Yoshimura achieves something that didn’t happen before.

Let me explain what I mean by that. I think and believe that so far Hide was the only good thing in Kanekis life. Of course Kaneki read or drew and found joy in that. But what I mean is that Hide was and is so far the only connection that Kaneki has to his "real" world. He goes out to dinner with or introduces other people to him. So of course Kaneki saw Hide as his only hope to ever live a normal life again after the incident with Rize.

But Mr. Yoshimura achieves to give Kaneki a sliver of hope to live a normal life again. And Kaneki, just by asking if he could work for him in his restaurant, takes it.

Not really a character but a thing that I really liked was when Kanekis ghoul side showed up! I really enjoyed the chaos that broke loose between Nishiki and Kaneki… and how Nishiki didn’t even have a chance. I will call it muscle memory from Rize and yes people could say that Kaneki is overpowered from the very beginning. Being good at fighting and all. But I like the fact that he just went feral and annihilated Nishiki (something he deserved).

Minor characters like Dr. Kano appears to be pretty sus to me (Who transplants organs without permission ?!) just like Hisashi Ogura the ghoul expert (I’m still asking myself how he knows so much about ghouls). I think they will (and I hope, I want the answers!) appear again.

The world building so far is nothing to be mentioned that much. It’s the world we live in but with predators on top of the food chain that aren’t humans. The volume doesn’t explain too much what’s up with the ghouls but I’m fairly sure we will see more of it in future volumes. What we know so far is pretty dope! Ghouls don’t have a choice… they have to eat humans or else they will die. Their weapons seem to be their kagune, they have changing eyes, are kinda indestructible and then the usual heighten sense of smell, very strong and totally sassy.

All in all it’s a good opening to a story and I’m definitely intrigued to read on. There are many questions still unanswered and I really really hope I will get them answered.

Please leave your thoughts and be kind and don’t spoiler anything!

Thank you for taking your time!

Please feel free to discuss your thoughts, I would like to hear them!

I will see you in a week with a new volume!

#tokyo ghoul #sui ishida #kaneki ken #reading #manga #book review

6 notes · View notes

otome-crow · 2 years

Text

How Aspec is Mankai?

This is just a list of A3 characters I feel may be on the asexual or aromantic spectrum. As an aroace myself, I always wind up looking for myself in characters. With the A3 boys, there’s very little that’s canon (that I’ve seen) about their sexualities. Some of the older boys flirt with Izumi, Sakyo canonically has a thing for her, and Yuki once mentioned that he’s into girls. That’s literally all I can remember.

Because it’s a joseimuke game, the emphasis isn’t on their love lives or sexual interests, so there’s a LOT of wiggle room for headcanons. Obviously, I’m pro-everyone’s headcanons and I love reading all of them :) Frankly, I don’t even HC what I’m writing all of the time; it’s just a sense I get. A lot of characters are here, not because I think Mankai is some kind of aspec sanctuary (although, let’s be honest, a dorm of 24 hot guys and not one of them has a partner in 3 years??? c’mon), but because my HC’s rotate around depending on what scenarios or AUs or whatever I’m playing with. I might see a character as ace one day, and the next time I play with them, I see something else. The glory of interpretation and media :)

I’m also chucking in my basic assumption on the rest of them. I’m dealing only in sexuality, not gender. I also wind up bringing a lot of my personal bias and experience into this, since I’m a sex-repulsed aroace myself. I know a lot of people don’t have these same experiences, so I want to make them clear.

Spring Troupe, IMHO, is like 65% aspec.

Sakuya: Ace, possibly/probably aro.

He’s so absolutely devoted to the guys that he seems way more into “bromance” than anything else.

I know a bunch of that is the fact that he never had a family and he just gloms onto these guys who become his family, but it’s like there’s no room in his life for anything else. He puts ALL of his energy into the platonic relationships around him and seems to have absolutely no interest in romance or other people (in a relationship way).

He’s one of the only (18+) guys who doesn’t flirt or blush around Izumi AT ALL. Even Tsuzuru (who’s next on my list) flirts, and even Juza gets flustered around her sometimes.

My guess is that because he’s so young, and so wrapped up in theatre and the guys in Mankai, he’s not even thinking about looking for a partner - in fact, he’s probably not even realizing that he’s not looking! The fact that none of the other guys have partners helps isolate him from realizing this.

Whether or not he’s aro, I do definitely see him seeking out a long-term partner (either romantic or QPR) someday - probably as he settles into himself a bit more and sees the other guys start to move into romantic relationships of their own.

I figure that if his partner was allo, he’d be a very sex-positive ace and would absolutely enjoy sex and enjoy pleasing his partner, but without a partner (or with a sex-repulsed partner), I doubt he’d give it much of a thought. (For the record, I do not have a steady HC for him about this - this one’s more theory than belief.)

Tsuzuru: Demiace. Definitely not aro.

This is 100% because of the way he evolved when I created an OC for him and dreamed up a huge story that’ll never get written down because it’s too complicated.

Thing is, like Sakuya, Tsuzuru seems absolutely clueless about romantic relationships.

I feel like it would take him a long time to realize that he didn’t seem to be “progressing” the way a lot of other guys his age were when it came to the physical side of relationships - because he hadn’t ever really had a relationship.

Like, he wouldn’t even notice that most people his age have had girlfriends or boyfriends and have had SOME kind of sexual experiences - and if they haven’t had them, they’ve thought about them.

If he bothered to think about it, he’d just decide he was too **busy** to think about it because it’s not a priority compared to working 16 part time jobs to help your family.

When he finally does get into a romantic/sexual relationship, he’s really surprised at how STRONG some of these feelings are but doesn’t really wonder about why he’s never felt it for anyone else.

(Y’know, for a guy who writes about people and relationships, he doesn’t realize how much he doesn’t know - or since he writes about platonic stuff 95% of the time, maybe he does?)

But then he realizes that his partner has some of those feelings for, like, random hot people they see on the street. Not judgey about it with them, just a little weirded out. Is way more okay with it once someone (probably the partner) helps him figure out the whole “demiace” thing.

(I 100% HC him as demi. Like, this is a standing HC that I don’t see changing for me.)

Itaru: Possibly aroace.

He could also just be lazy about other people and more into his games than anything else, or just have a low sex drive, or be ignoring it all because of his Trust Trauma.

But the fact that we see him charming the shit out of everyone around him with the Popular Prince Persona, and we hear about all the girls that like him at his job, but he only seems annoyed by them…..

If he were screwing around at his job, Chikage would have said something by now.

(Granted, this is a mostly-clean game, so WE wouldn’t hear about it - but he’d probably mention SOMETHING, like Itaru taking out one of the secretaries for a date or something. Right? Just to rub Itaru’s nose in how much he knows about him?)

(Like some of his very early backstage stories talk about the girls at work pestering him and maybe he should give one of them the time of day…but it‘s played like a joke. And later stories abandon that completely.)

So he’s not getting sex there, and he’s not going out on dates that Mankai is aware of.

BUT. He also flirts a lot with Izumi and I definitely kinda ship them in canon (and I also have an OC for him and their relationship is sexual), so….I have no real HC for Itaru, but he does sometimes give off ace vibes.

I think he might want a relationship one day, but he’s like 26 and has NEVER mentioned a former relationship. (Granted, he’s got trauma about trusting people, so that could easily play into it.) The flirting with Izumi could just be habit, part of the Prince persona….

I don’t know, he’s confusing.

Chikage: Sex-repulsed aroace.

Now, to be fair, I don’t have a great grasp of his character.

But I DO get that he’s very, very uncomfortable with women.

He could just be gay - that’s fine!

But a lot of his standoffishness, that most ppl relate to him being a spy, reminds me of me and how I relate to the world.

Like 90+% of the world is experiencing all this stuff, and exchanging energy and understandings, and I have NO IDEA WHAT THEY’RE ON.

It keeps me from wanting to connect to people, just in case. Like, I’m often nervous about being too chatty or too friendly because I don’t know if someone’s going to see me as flirting.

I dunno, maybe I just feel disconnected from people in a way that seems familiar in Chikage’s character.

But the fact that he can only be comfortable with Izumi when he stops seeing her as a woman - ie, she is now a non-sexual being to him - just hits me close to home.

He seems to want a family more than anything else. I know there’s a lot of April/August/December poly stuff out there, and cool :) To me, it seems like the emotional connection was most important to him.

(As for the others - I see Masumi as pan. He wants someone to love, someone to love him back. I don’t think gender factors into it. TBH, Citron is a complete mystery to me. I definitely think he’s into girls - he’s a MAJOR flirt! - but whether he’s also into guys or is pan or just straight, I don’t freaking know. But he’s definitely DTF.)

Summer Troupe is a little young, but here we go. Only one :)

Muku: Somewhere on the ace spectrum. Possibly aro (hear me out).

It’s the reliance on fictional media to fulfill something that’s uncomfortable in the real world.

That’s something I do, too, and it’s a really common occurrence for aces.

All of his romance is fictional.

We know that girls like him, but he doesn’t seem to realize they exist - yet he still wants to be someone’s prince!

To get your “crushes” only on fictional characters (or in your imagination) without realizing it, because you will never be required to DO anything to/with them.

To take all your cues on romance from fiction because RL romance is uncomfortable, makes no sense, or both.

Like, all of the allos I know had crushes on real life people. If you asked them to put together a list of people they wanted to sleep with - or even just kiss! - that list would include a mix of fictional people, celebrities, and people they know in real life.

The funny thing is, because he’s SO obsessed with fictional romance, I think most people wouldn’t see him as aro. But I’m aro and I’m 100% obsessed with fictional romance lol.

I have romantic OCs for most of the characters I like in fiction, I read romance novels, I play otome games religiously.

But I don’t want any of that in real life.

It’s possible Muku is the same.

Muku is 100% obsessed with fiction, and doesn’t seem to even SEE that girls are around him or like him.

However, BECAUSE of his fascination with being someone’s prince one day, I’m hesitant to truly HC him as 100% anything.

He may simply be oblivious and daydreamy and a late bloomer.

If he IS on the ace spectrum, he’d probably be like Sakuya or Tsuzuru (you know, when he’s NOT A MINOR) - possibly Demi and/or very sex-positive and into pleasing his partner.

If he is aro, he still wants a QPR with a lifetime partner. He still wants to be someone’s prince.

(Yeah, everyone else in Summer Troupe is gay or bi. Sorry, but I don't make the rules.)

Banri: I see Banri as Aro, but not Ace.

To be honest, I don’t know why.

It’s just the vibe I get from him.

Like he doesn’t need or want anyone but himself.

Currently, probably because he’s still young, he’d be way more into FWB or casual dating, but probably not too much into random hookups.

Too much trouble, too much dancing around and getting drinks.

Just text a FWB, meet up, do the do, go home.

Or go out with his casual date partner, see a concert or play, go to the arcade, grab a bite to eat, whatever, THEN do the do and go home.

*shrugs*

Take it up with the manager.

May wind up with a partner, may not.

I don’t see it bothering him if he’s alone, he’s perfectly content in his own company.

He’s found something he’s passionate about that takes up his time and pushes him to do better; that could easily be enough for him.

Even if he does find someone that he loves enough to want to commit to, I can’t see him being **in love** in the way most other people are.

Azami: Sex-repulsed aroace.

Technically, there's a lot of reasons I feel this, but also a lot of reasons why this is a hesitant HC.

Is too young for me to truly want to HC him, but that desperate aversion to witnessing or being a part of physical affection is VERY sex-repulsed ace.

I will literally fast forward through sex scenes in movies, skip the pages in books, whatever.

Sometimes I’m cool with sexual contact in media (hello fanfic), but I’m always uncomfortable with it in real life.

Now, for Azami, this could also be his age combined with a restrictive upbringing.

But the thing that always makes me pause about Azami is that he seems to equate ALL physical touch to sexual touch.

“No sex til marriage” makes sense, but no hand-holding?

That only seems to make sense if you’re making hand-holding a sexual thing, or ALWAYS a step on the ladder TOWARDS sexual things.

Like, 3-year-olds hold hands. Obviously that’s not sexual.

But the moment it’s between two people of sexable age, he freaks out.

And, as someone who is a sex-repulsed ace, I always got really confused about physical affection when I was dating (before I knew this about myself).

Is my boyfriend holding my hand just being sweet? Is his kiss on the cheek just that? If we cuddle, is that physical contact permission for his hands to start wandering?

Every single act of physical affection became a (potential) gateway to sexual actions because I couldn’t understand or sense the difference.

There WAS no difference to me. The “vibes” that indicate the difference to allos is missing in me.

Sometimes a kiss was just a kiss, sometimes it was more, and I flat-out couldn’t understand intention through the subtlety of just physical touch.

Everything is the same to me, so EVERYTHING is potentially sexual. And therefore, every form of physical touch became a danger zone.

It seems to me that the same thing is true for Azami - literally every physical interaction is a sexual interaction, because he can’t ever see that it’s NOT.

So while I don’t HC Azami as ace necessarily (only he can say that, and his behavior is confusing), I wouldn’t be surprised if he was.

As for aro or not, I have no idea, because I think the desperate desire to avoid physical affection is clouding the issue.

(I figure Juza as pan, Taichi thinks he’s straight until he realizes he’s in love with Yuki, Omi as bi, and Sakyo is the straightest straight guy who ever lived.)

Azuma: Ace, not aro.

The opposite of Azami.

All touch is non-sexual touch.

All flirting is non-sexual flirting.

Both of these things wind up being masking behaviors.

Like Itaru, Azuma seems to have people buzzing around him regularly.

If he wanted a sexual relationship, I feel like he'd have one. Pretty easily.

He jokes about things, but it seems more like everyone assumes things about him and his relationships and he just . . . lets them.

He even goads them on a little bit, but it all seems really jokey. Not serious at all.

While we have the word “asexual” going back to the early 70’s (and probably further), it wasn’t a really common LGBT+ word until, I’d say, the mid-to-late 2000s.

While Azuma’s age is unknown, we know he’s older than Sakyo, so that would probably put him around 35 IMO.

That means he was coming of age in the 90s and early 2000s. He was also, very heavily, a loner.

He had no adults in his life to guide him, no one to confide in.

What are the odds he would come across that word in his teens and early 20s?

All he knows is that he’s different, maybe even broken.

All these things he’s supposed to be feeling, especially since he makes his living via close physical contact, are missing.

Might blame his trauma.

So he flirts heavily but keeps his distance, to mask the actual lack of attraction he feels.

He lets people believe what they want about his former profession, but it’s probably one reason he was so popular as a cuddler…all the women felt safe even if they didn’t know that was the reason.

I’m guessing he’s sex-neutral - sex is a take-it-or-leave-it thing to him, and he’s mostly had one-night stands, and almost entirely to avoid spending the night alone rather than for the sex itself.

By the time someone (possibly Tsuzuru, as he figures it out about himself) brings the concept to him, it’s a shock to him that asexuality is just…a sexuality like any other.

He’s not broken.

I think he would still want a partner (he doesn’t want to be alone!), but whether that was one all-consuming love, or a polycule, I don’t really know.

I just know he wants love and romance in his life.

(I do not HC this all of the time - for some reason, canon Azuma gives me ace vibes, but my personal fanon Azuma doesn’t. Given that I’m about the same age as Azuma, I might be projecting my own history and trauma about feeling broken onto him.)

Guy: now, I refuse to HC Guy as ace, but he needs his own space here anyway because I have An Issue. (To be fair, I have not seen ANYONE in the A3 fandom do this to Guy!!!! But I feel like it needs to be said anyway.)

He, like some of the others, shows absolutely no interest in romance or sex.

BUT.

He’s repressed pretty much everything in order to survive his trauma growing up.

He made himself into an android - an android would be both asexual and aromantic.

I think he’s still healing from that and, at some point, will have to address his own sexuality.

Because I don't think even he knows what his sexuality is.

He may wind up being ace, but even if he is, that ace-ness needs to be separate from the whole android thing.

There’s so much that’s problematic about taking someone who thought they were a robot and diving right into “hur hur not wanting sex makes you a robot!”

It’s a false equivalency and it’s potentially damaging to the ace community, so I’m not having it here.

I think Guy’s history is really really sad, and I think the fact that he probably has no idea what his sexual/romantic orientation is is also really really sad.

HCing him as ace would feel (TO ME) damaging and disrespectful to the character.

I have NO doubt there’s aces out there who relate to him or like him because of the ace vibes and that’s peachy :)

He becomes a comfort character at that point.

However, the immediate jump society makes to “hur hur robot” or “hur hur plant” or any of the “you don’t like sex? you must not be human!” jokes?

Kinda done with it.

I’m saying what I want to say very badly, so I hope I’m not offending anyone here.

(As for the rest - Tsumugi is bi, Tasuku is definitely gay af, Hisoka is pan, and I can’t help but see Homare as straight for some reason (I KNOW I’m in the major minority here!) - but panromantic and with a low libido/mild touch aversion. Like I could see him and Azuma in a sexless romantic relationship or part of fuyupoly. Totally happy with the romance/family, not inclined to care about not having sex.)

And there we have it!