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fineillsignup · 5 years

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Clouds and Rain: a (snarky) Character Index

I lured @math-is-magic into trying to read Clouds and Rain despite no prior knowledge of the Three Kingdoms era generally and she professed being impressed at how, long long ago when I read Romance of the Three Kingdoms for the first time, I made my own character glossary to keep track of who is who.

CAVEAT LECTOR: Historically accurate only to the degree that it pleases my pedantry. Departs from Dynasty Warriors in some key areas. Limited to characters that have (so far) appeared in the story directly.

Wu aka Sun Wu - Jiangdong - The Southlands

Colour Scheme? Red Animal Motif? Tiger Part of China? Southeast third, from the Yangtze (more or less) down, west about halfway. Heat, rivers, pirates, rice, fish. Motivation? Bonds Hearts? ON FIRE Enemy Camps? ALSO ON FIRE

Sun Quan, ruler of Wu, style name Zhongmou: Wow, who died and left this loser to rule? Well, that’s the problem, everybody died and left this loser to rule. Ever so slightly neurotic. *coughs* Kind of my problematic fave. Thinks everybody in Shu is out to get him. (Everybody in Shu IS out to get him.) Lianshi: Technically she ought to be Lady Bu but since Dynasty Warriors didn’t bother neither did I. Former lady-in-waiting to Sun Quan’s sister, nicest woman you’ll ever meet, Sun Quan is her problematic fave. Big ol’ tiddies. Lu Xun, Wu chancellor, style name Boyan: OUR HERO. 92.3% perfect gentleman and Confucian af. Gan Ning, Wu officer: Adorable kitten thinks of nothing but murder all day. Former pirate, semi-reformed psychopath. WEARS BELLS, it’s his thing. Used to be in the employ of another army, during which time he kinda sorta killed the father of... Ling Tong, Wu officer: Rich kid who made good in his own right. Wanted to kill Gan Ning for a long time (in revenge for his father’s death) but has mostly gotten over it and now they are best frenemies. (Note to history buffs: just GET OUT of here with your FACTS.) Shield of laziness and apathy. “I don’t care,” says Ling Tong, caringly, as he cares deeply. Zhou Tai, Wu officer: Sun Quan’s personal bodyguard. Former pirate. Tall, dark, and... scarred. Well, two out of three isn’t bad. The strong silent type. Zhu Ran, Wu officer: Lu Xun used to be Wu’s pyromaniac character. Then they introduced Zhu Ran to be the pyromaniac and actually made Lu Xun well-rounded, and Zhu Ran is slightly bitter about it. Also a Rich Kid. (Is Wu’s army all rich kids and pirates???? MAYBE.) Ding Feng, Wu officer: One-note character who looks like Frankenstein’s monster and writes poetry. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Han Dang, Wu officer: One-note character who doesn’t want to be forgotten. Forget about him. Sun Shangxiang: Sun Quan’s younger sister, famous/infamous for being wild about martial arts and just generally wild. Arranged married to... (hold this thought...)

Shu aka Shu Han

Colour scheme? Green Animal motif? Dragon Part of China? At this point, the west-southwest. Smallest/least prosperous. Motivation? BENEVOLENCE Really? YES OF COURSE, BENEVOLENCE AND ONLY BENEVOLENCE. Pay no attention to the man behind the crane fan. What’s benevolence? 仁 Ren. Confucius says... no, come back, this isn’t a joke! Confucius really does say! Confucius says: Now the man of perfect virtue, wishing to be established himself, seeks also to establish others; wishing to be enlarged himself, he seeks also to enlarge others. What’s that guy doing over there behind the crane fan? NOTHING!!

Liu Bei, ruler of Shu: He was arranged married to Sun Shangxiang! (I hope you didn’t hurt yourself holding that thought.) Tenuously related to the imperial family but grew up poor af. Charismatic as hell. Wants to tell you the Good News about Benevolence. Liu Shan, crown prince, aka A-Dou: Unspecified, serious intellectual disability. Bears zero resemblance to the Dynasty Warriors version. Affectionate, gentle young man. Gets along really well with Zhao Yun and Sun Shangxiang. Zhuge Liang, prime minister of Shu, chief strategist, style name Kongming, Taoist name Crouching Dragon: The smuggest of snakes. He has a crane fan and he isn’t afraid to use it. Likes: his wife, his lord, his plans, sex magic, being an asshole. "I meant to do that,” he whispers, calmly, while falling at terminal velocity into a pit of vipers. Yueying aka Lady Huang, inventor: Zhuge Liang’s wife. Unspecified not neurotypical. Likes: machines, her husband. Dislikes: people, distractions, social cues. Very little resemblance to Dynasty Warriors character. Zhang Fei, Shu officer: Liu Bei’s sworn brother dating back to when they all weren’t shit, along with the dead Guan Yu. Designated youngest brothers because in Chinese culture it is Absolutely Vital We Know Who Is Older. Big, burly, loveable drunk. (Again, do NOT confuse me with the facts.) Zhang Bao, Shu officer: Zhang Fei’s son. Young and unproven and determined. Grew up with Guan Yu’s children as pseudo-cousins. Xingcai aka Lady Zhang, Shu officer: Zhang Fei’s younger child. Xingcai is not here to make friends or play games. Xingcai is here to win. Unfortunately for Xingcai, her society dictates that ladylike behaviour means making friends and playing (diplomatic) games, not winning (on the battlefield). Guan Xing, Shu officer: The oldest natural child of Guan Yu. Honour, righteousness, honour, honour, rules, benevolence, honour, rules, and honour. Guan Suo, Shu officer: Youngest son of Guan Yu. In the wake of his father’s death, passive and disheartened. Guan Yinping: Youngest child of Guan Yu. Our heroine! Strong, sweet, determined, and genuine. Zhao Yun, Shu officer: One of Liu Bei’s first and best recruits to his cause. Famous for having single-handedly rescued Liu Shan as a baby while they were fleeing Cao Cao, fighting with the infant on his back. Madam Zhao aka Yunlu aka Lulu: Zhao Yun’s much younger wife, the sister of another officer in Shu, for some mysterious reason her identity is a (badly kept) secret, WHO could she POSSIBLY be? (People who know the answer: shhhhh.) Ma Chao, “the Splendid”: A multi-ethnic officer of Shu who joined because of wanting revenge against Cao Cao for the massacre of his clan. Yes, Ma Chao is Shu’s Sasuke. Catchphrase: JUSTICE. Ma Dai, “the guy who hangs out with Ma Chao”: Ma Chao’s cousin, trails along after Ma Chao trying to keep him from getting himself justiced to death. Wears the only non-stupid hat in Dynasty Warriors. An artist and a joker. Wei Yan, Shu officer: Speaks... like... this... why?... Unclear... maybe... head... injury...

Wei aka Cao Wei

Colour scheme? Blue Animal motif? Phoenix Part of China? The entire north, from the coast to the west, including the cities with the strongest claim to be imperial capital in that time. Motivation? Ambition and power Isn’t that slightly evil? I mean, not necessarily, but they’re the antagonists so in fact yes. So they don’t get the same revisionism deal as the other two kingdoms? Nope. Is that fair? Nope! Show me on the map where I store my fucks.

Cao Pi, ruler and self-proclaimed emperor: I genuinely have a grievance against the historical guy but he was no worse than most of the rest of the people here. But in this story, the fictional Cao Pi is a supreme douchebag. Zhenji, empress: Too good for Cao Pi and this world. Don’t mistake my meaning; also kind of a bitch. A perfect bitch whom I would die for. Sima Yi, Wei prime minister: Genius strategist. Did not even originally want to join the Ambition Kingdom, but has caught the spirit in a big way now. Zhang Chunhua: Sima Yi’s wife, pulls the strings, literally. Thinks all problems can be solved with enough murders. Don’t think I’m saying she’s a bitch and I don’t like her. She’s a bitch, and I like her so much. Zhang He, Wei officer: Could host Queer Eye for the Third Century Guy. Floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee. Came to Wei from the same place as Zhenji and they are besties. Li Dian, Wei officer: Has a gut sense about things which is always right, unfortunately doesn’t stop things from happening, poor babe. A nice guy. Yue Jin, Wei officer: Smol and insecure about it, despite the fact that he could fuck you up. He can fuck anyone up. He can fuck himself up. BFF with Li Dian. Also a nice guy. Wang Yi, Wei officer: Hey remember how Cao Cao killed Ma Chao’s entire clan? Well while Ma Chao was attempting to get his revenge against Cao Cao, he whoopsy-doodle massacred Wang Yi’s entire clan. Now Wang Yi dreams of dancing with Ma Chao’s severed head in the moonlight. Xu Shu, Wei officer: Sad man who got tricked into leaving Shu because he loves his mama. Tries his best and deserved none of this. Jia Xu, Wei strategist: Loyal only to himself and shrewd, was an enemy strategist who came very near to killing Cao Cao at one time, but accepted being hired by him when he was captured. Does believe in doing his best.

And (I think) that’s everybody! Whee! I hope all three of you who read this enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

#dynasty warriors #three kingdoms #chinese history #sort of #i cannot be stopped #clouds and rain #sun wu #shu han #cao wei #roll call #my fanfic

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true-halloween-tales · 6 years

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2018: #2-GUIDE TO DOCTOR WHO

Previously, cult horror-related tv series such as The Night Stalker, Dark Shadows, and the Outer Limits have been examined. Even though Doctor Who is primarily a science fiction tv series, over its 55 year history it has delved into horror many times. After Darren McGavin’s The Night Stalker series was cancelled in 1975, I sadly still tuned in at the same day and time in case it ever came back (see 2015: #5-GUIDE TO THE NIGHT STALKER). Weepers! Eventually it was recommended to me to watch this Doctor Who show, but I was not interested in another Marcus Welby, MD series at age 6. I tuned in anyways to find an argumentative older man yelling at people, and I soon became bored and quit watching the series. However, I was encouraged to persist and watch further episodes, so I did. One twenty-two minute episode was shown a day. A few episodes later and the older argumentative man was now in an apocalyptic world with people devolving into monstrous green werewolves! It was terrifying! I was hooked!

Doctor Who was scheduled to premier on November 22, 1963, but it was delayed until the following day due to the assassination of President Kennedy. It features an alien, a Timelord, who can change its body, and currently the Doctor’s latest body is female as played by Jodie Whitaker, with her debut episode appearing for the first time this Sunday afternoon! This alien serves often as the savior of the Earth as well as the closest the universe has to being a good, near-godlike force. The original series ran from 1963-1989 featuring the Doctors’s first seven bodies or “regenerations.” In 1996 Doctor Who returned in a U.S. production with a new regeneration of both the Doctor and his primary villain, the Master. In 2005 the new series continued with a new regeneration, but in later seasons it is revealed that one regeneration was skipped between the tv movie and the new series. This regeneration, technically the ninth, played by John Hurt, renamed himself the War Doctor. The new series has also featured the Eleventh Doctor, played by David Tennant, who consumed a regeneration to heal himself, and eventually the Doctor used all of his thirteen regenerations. But he got more, and he even doesn’t know how many.

There are a variety of rare facts about Doctor Who. A spacesuit costume from the series was reused in the Empire Strikes Back and worn by the scaly bounty hunter, Bossk. Peter Cushing starred as Doctor Who in two movies in the 1960’s (see 2018: #1-GREAT HORROR FILM ACTORS). The two color movies are remakes of popular televised stories featuring the evil alien race, the Daleks. One of the films, 1966’s Dalek’s Invasion Earth 2150 AD, included British comedian Bernard Cribbins as a police officer, and he joined the tv series in 2007 as another character. The movies differed from the tv series by Cushing portraying the character as a human, not an alien. There is an original pilot of the series from 1963 that had a significant scene removed from the first story, An Unearthly Child. The First Doctor, portrayed by William Hartnell, shares that he and his granddaughter are from the year 5,000 and may be humans. By cutting that from the final broadcast, it made alien bodily regeneration a much more plausible concept. The Doctor also is not always the benevolent good guy. In An Unearthly Child, the Doctor prepares to cut the throat of an unconscious caveman because he is annoyed and wants to leave prehistoric Earth. In Doctor Who canon, there is still at loose a future evil incarnation of the Doctor, once known as the Valeyard. Big Finish has dozens of the continued audio adventures of previous regenerations of the Doctor including many of the surviving actors who played the Doctor as well as supporting cast members.

There is much written about Doctor Who, but for the purposes of Halloween we are primarily interested in horror episodes as well as potential crazy costumes that could be made based on aliens in the series. If you have a spare plunger and a box, you can make a Dalek costume. Dressing as one of the regenerations of the Doctor is easy if you have any of the specific costume elements. The easiest is probably to dress as the Third Doctor with a velvet smoking jacket. A lot depends upon if you require your costume to be widely recognizable to not. Don’t dress as the Doctor’s time and space vehicle, a blue police box, the Tardis; that is stupid. The three best aliens to create costumes for include: Alpha Centauri, appearing as a green, hermaphroditic, one-eyed Beholder from Dungeons & Dragons with a high pitched voice (see 2015: #3-STRANGE MONSTERS FROM DUNGEONS & DRAGONS). Alpha Centauri is one of the few characters from the original series that have reappeared in the new series. Another amusing costume option is the Face of Boe, a large sleepy head resembling a Japanese Nuppeppo yokai (see 2018: #10-YOKAI). Or perhaps an alien from the planet Vortis which are large, vaguely humanoid insects, such as the Menoptra bee/butterfly people. Doctor Who is a series that offers cosplayers a huge amount of possible costumes as well. The series is a wealth of creativity.

Doctor Who has a lot of episodes, and out of the entire series, here are the ten best horror-related stories:

10-The Chase: features the First Doctor encountering Dracula and the Frankenstein monster.

9-The Unquiet Dead: Christopher Eccelston, technically the Tenth Doctor, finds zombies and dead ghost-like aliens possessing bodies.

8-The Pyramids of Mars: the Fourth Doctor, Tom Baker, has major problems with an Egyptian god and his mummy servants.

7-The Brain of Morbius: Baker’s Frankenstein episode, but featuring a Hitler-like Timelord trying to be more than just a brain in a jar.

6-Midnight: Tennant in a tense, claustrophobic episode about a telepathic thing outside of a stalled tour bus on a deadly planet.

5-State of Decay: Baker versus a giant vampire, the ancient enemy of the Timelords, on a planet ruled by vampires.

4-The Daemons: The Third Doctor, Jon Pertwee, dealing with a giant horned demon running across the English countryside, summoned up by a satanic cult led by The Master.

3-The Impossible Planet / The Satan Pit: Tennant discovers the physical, Godzilla-sized body of the Devil himself, a being from the universe that existed before this one.

2-The Seeds of Doom: Baker meets The Thing, including in a polar setting.

1-Inferno: Pertwee popped into a parallel world and is faced with a dreadful apocalypse with the planet rapidly being destroyed, people devolving into green werewolves, the world is ending and there is nothing he can do. This scared the crap out of me when I was six years old. The episode set a Guinness Book of Worlds Record for the longest drop by a stuntman. It is also one of the longest complete stories.

There are many other Halloween-worthy episodes of Doctor Who. The Empty Child / The Doctor Dances are two very popular episodes with Eccleston in WW2 investigating very creepy unexplained phenomenon, and he also meets John Barrowman’s very popular assistant, Captain Jack, in that story. The Caves of the Androzani is an acclaimed Phantom of the Opera story with the Fifth Doctor, Peter Davison. Werewolves appeared in Tennant’s second story, Tooth and Claw. An infamous mummy appeared in Mummy on a Train with the Thirteenth Doctor, Peter Capaldi. Many of Patrick Troughton’s episodes, who is the Second Doctor, are lost and missing. But there is surviving footage of his stories versus the Abominable Snowmen, who were quite frightening skulking about in the London sewers. A prehistoric lizardman species is discovered on Earth in Pertwee’s The Silurians, and an aquatic version of the species is encountered in Pertwee’s The Sea Devils, one of my all-time favorite stories of the series. The Master as virtually an undead lich appears in Baker’s The Deadly Assassin (see 2013: #10-LICHES). Baker’s The Horror of Fang Rock flows just like a horror film, with people barricaded in a lighthouse to escape a prowling monster. The largest monster that has appeared in the series was a tentacled, Lovecraftian swamp monster the size of a city in Baker’s The Power of Kroll. Doctor Who tends to be at its best when delving into horror.

There are some noteworthy Doctor Who stories that were planned or written, but they were not made. The adventures that almost happened! Pertwee’s Third Doctor was planned to start the tenth season with “Deathworld.” It was about the President of the Timelords basically playing chess with Death, and he summoned up the first three Doctors to be pawns in his game. The Doctors were to materialize in the Underworld to face the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse as well as personification of the Seven Deadly Sins. Content from the plot seems to have drifted into the stories: The Three Doctors and The Five Doctors. Pertwee’s final story had to be changed because the actor portraying the First Master, Roger Delgado, was killed in a car accident. “The Final Game” was planned to reveal that the Doctor and the Master just were not brothers, but they were the same person – divided into two halves – with the Doctor effectively being a Freudian ego and the Master as the id. Both the Master and the Doctor were planned to die in “The Final Game.” The Master was going to permanently die saving the Doctor, yet the Doctor would regenerate. There was also a second U.S. tv movie planned with McGann’s Eighth Doctor which would have included a major redesign of the Daleks. A third Peter Cushing film was planned but cancelled, Daleks vs. Mechons, based on the story, The Chase.

I have attended some science fiction conventions and have had correspondences with some of the stars of the series. I met Pertwee several times, including once with Elizabeth Sladden, aka the assistant, Sarah Jane Smith, at the Granada Theatre in Chicago in 1989. I met and chatted with Tom Baker who is really tall, about the various death scenes he had in various roles. But I spent an entire morning with Peter Davison, Sandra Dickinson, his then wife who appeared in The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, and the series producer, John Nathan Turner, wearing a bad Hawaiian shirt. We all sat together with less than ten others and watched Davison’s excellent Cyberman story, Earthshock, more than a year before it aired in the United States. There is nothing better than sitting next to the lead actor in Doctor Who and watching them star in the series in a great story. I had correspondence with the Sixth Doctor, Collin Baker, who wrote me that he was not sure how much longer the BBC would keep him in the role, and he was fired shortly later. I also ran into the enigmatic Seventh Doctor, Sylvester McCoy at a bar the night before a convention. I was sitting with the stars of the cult British science fiction series, Blakes 7 including Gareth Thomas, Paul Darrow, and Brian Blessed (see 2011: #7-SCIENCE FICTION CONVENTIONS). Over the shoulder of Gareth Thomas could be seen Sylvester McCoy sitting at the bar by himself, silently and sadly meditating on his ale. I had correspondence with another Master, Anthony Ainley, one of my favorite actors in Doctor Who, and he wrote back to me on his wonderful Master stationery.

Doctor Who offers a wealth of treasures for Halloween. If not costume ideas, then sheer entertainment. I am very much looking forward to the new season starting this weekend. Not only has the lead actor changed but so has the entire production team, sets, producers, etc. I was totally turned off by the previous Steven Moffat production team, so I am looking forward to the new Chris Chibnall team. It’s one of the only series that regularly reinvents itself, and few series exceed being fifty years old. Just about anything goes in Doctor Who, from very odd aliens to all sorts of monsters – even McCoy’s Seventh Doctor encounters a dragon in one story (on Monday see 2018: #3-DRAGONS)…

#doctor who #female doctor #true halloween tales #horror

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yoongiandchiminie · 6 years

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P R E S S U R E { 9 }

;series;

{Part 1} {Part 8}

Pairing: Reader X Yoongi

Word Count: 5,196

Genre: Romance, Smut, Fluff

Warnings: Cursing, Smut

Summary: After dating for almost 3 years, the armys and Yoongi’s label have found out about your relationship. Now you have to deal with it in your extraordinarily normal life.

It’d been a year since that day. A year since I’d signed that contract and everything had changed. Everything had been okay in that year. Slow Burn was doing fairly well in America and in South Korea as well. We were doing so good that we’d even been invited to an award show. According to our manager, we’d been begged to be in attendance. We were all aware it was due to our relationship with BTS, but we didn’t mind. It was an excuse to see them.

Our American tour had wrapped about a week ago and we were preparing for the international one in a few weeks. The American one was full of surprises. Along with the crowds that made our eyes light up, it was full of things I wished we’d never had experienced. On the second to last show of the tour, in California, a “fan” had gotten through security and onto the stage. I didn’t notice until he was trying to pull Julianna off of it. The bass line had stopped and the crowd was full of gasps.

I was closest to her on stage and knew I could get their first to help her. So, I dropped the mic and run over, pulling her away before he could drag her off and threaten her with the knife he held in his hand. It was a terrifying moment and I was truthfully surprised I acted within it. I guess it was just the mom instincts I held that came out- but I really did something important that night.

Other than that scary experience, touring was truly fun. We even ended up writing while on the tour bus too and as much as I never wanted to be stuck that close to Anthony again, I was looking forward to the next one. He’d chosen the bunk above me and his tossing and turning (Along with snoring) kept me up through the night. He knew it bothered me too and that I was a light sleeper, so he was happy.

Slow Burn had been in South Korea for about two days now preparing for the award show and there was still no sign of BTS. I’d gotten a few texts from him saying how excited he was to see me and such, but I hadn’t seen his face other than from his selcas on twitter. So, I knew I had to look good tonight. I knew we all did. We were to act with the utmost respect and be very thankful to have even been invited.

So, we did. We looked fucking beautiful and now we were in the van on the way to the red carpet. I hadn’t gotten this nervous in a while, but here were butterflies in my stomach about this whole event. Especially seeing Yoongi in person after three months.

“You look gross.” Anthony bothered me, picking up on my nerves from my leg shaking the slow moving vehicle. We were currently waiting online to get out of the van. From my secret twitter account where I followed BTS fan accounts, I could see they’d arrived and Yoongi was looking around. It was presumed he was looking for me.

“You don’t really mean that, do you?” My face dropped for a second and Luke shook his head from next to the asshole.

“He doesn’t, that’s just his way to get his nerves out.” Luke sighed, leaning forward to pat my shoulder.

“I wish we could get him out.” Alicia groaned and Anthony shot up to defend himself. He opened his mouth, came to a realization, and then shrugged it off. “Wow, he gave up.”

“Surprising.” Julianna’s small voice added. Her eyes were glued to the window, watching the hundreds of people screaming and running around outside. “There’s gonna be so many cool people here tonight… Seventeen is supposed to be here!” She was super excited as all three of us had recently got more into listening to K-Pop. Seventeen was Julianna’s favorite group and knowing her she’d pass out if she made eye contact with Yoon Jeonghan.

Everything with her and Taehyung had died down about a month after that night in the city. They’d ended up having a talk and decided not to tell Jungkook in the end. They figured it would crush the bunny, so they just went back to being friends with no benefits. It was mainly his idea. Then to bury her depressed self, she got into Seventeen and when we weren’t working on the band, Jeonghan was her life.

“I’m going to throw up.” Alicia spoke to all of us as our van was the next one in line. I shook my head at her and she nodded, affirming her notion. “Why am I more stressed about this than performing?”

“You were stressed about that too.” Luke added.

“Because we can’t understand half of these people.” Anthony sighed, leaning forward and fixing his jacket. “I mean- you three can with your- Ugh. You guys are a mess.”

“Shut up.” I cleared my throat and our car slowly began to move, “We’ll be okay, like we always are. Let’s just stick together, alright? You already know that’s the motto.”

“Yeah. Like we always do.” Luke nodded. We all smiled and looked around through each other. I took this as my chance to move to the opposite side of the car. I realized I was sitting in front of the door and would be let out first. “What the fuck are you doing?!” he called me out, but it was too late. I was victorious.

Luke reached forward and opened the door, stepping out first. The moment I could see the red carpet without a screen between us, my ears were overwhelmed by yelling for the attractive man. Julianna came out next, Luke reaching forward to help her out. He helped out Alicia as well and then Anthony jumped out. When it was my turn, Alicia helped me. Luke had this fear that if he was seen even touching me, rumors would start; especially here in my boyfriends castle.

My eyes scanned the place ahead of us and I made sure to keep a nice and sweet smile on. I was desperate to even catch a glimpse of him. As I spotted his raven colored hair in the distance, I could feel my heart pick up the pace. He didn’t notice me yet and I couldn’t easily run over. So, I had to stay put and talk to everyone that approached me. Easy enough?

My Korean had gotten better, but thankfully there was a translator with us for every interview we were brought into. I tried to speak without him, but it was tough at the volume and speed everything was going. My nerves were calm, but they got worse once I managed to get separated from everyone.

I was dragged off to talk to someone separately while they were caught up in an interview. I stood off to the side, waiting for them to be done, but it didn’t seem like it was ending anytime soon. The four of them were caught up in some conversation, so I turned my attention to the hundreds of screaming fans off to the side. A few of them called out to me, so I waved and sent small finger hearts that I’d learned were important here.

My attention was so focused on them, that I didn’t feel a presence creeping up behind me until he tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around hoping for it to be Yoongi, but instead it was someone I’d never had the pleasure of meeting. I was face to face with Kwon Jiyong, aka G-Dragon. I truthfully never thought I’d get the chance to meet him, but the smile on my face made it clear I was happy for this.

“Hey.” he led off with. “I know we’ve never spoken, but I saw that clip of you helping the other girl from your band. I wanted to commend your bravery and saw you alone so- I figured it would be the perfect time to do so. So, good job.” he smiled and extended his hand to me. Something inside told me not to, but of course I did anyways.

“Ah, thank you so much!” I exclaimed, smiling my cheeks off. “It’s nice to meet you! I love your music.” I complimented.

“Same as well. Your voice is very nice.” he nodded, “I was wondering if you’d like to sing with me tonight? I’m doing a stage for my song Black and the woman that was supposed to sing the vocals came down with the flu and can’t be allowed here tonight.”

“Are you- Are you joking?” I was at a loss. This couldn’t be real, but here it was. He shook his head no. “Yes? I’d love to? Am I even allowed to-”

Before he could open his mouth to respond, an interviewer came over and asked if we had a moment to speak to her. Of course he quickly said yes and I was at a loss for what she began to say into the camera. I was so caught up in the conversation we were in the middle of that I was only brought back into it when he placed his hand on my waist and began to speak in english.

“For a last minute change of events, Y/N will be performing with me tonight!” he smiled a shy smile, but his eyes read for ages into the camera. The interviewer cheered and they began to speak in Korean again while I shook his hand off of me. I felt eyes drilling into the back of my head and simply knew he was close. I excused myself from the interview and turned around to see my band ready to move on.

Once I’d told them about what had just happened, they were in complete awe. The guys were confused about him touching me, but the girls were so caught up in the stage that would be happening later. Anthony and Luke eventually dropped it, getting excited about the extra expose Slow Burn would be getting from this. It was insane.

As soon as we were done getting pictures taken of us, I saw him. I saw Min Yoongi walking into the building and this time I couldn’t stop myself. My heels took off before I had enough self control and he only noticed me as I tripped over myself and stumbled into his back. His arms reached around his body to steady me and he let go, turning around to see me.

Yoongi’s face didn’t have the smile I expected, but the rest of BTS did. Everyone else jogged over and began to converse, as I store at my boyfriend’s blank face. “What’s with you?” I questioned and he cracked a slight smile.

His long fingers reached up to cup my face for a moment, knowing he couldn’t kiss me right here with so many people around. They dropped down into my hair and played with the curls at the bottom. “Hey.” he said in english, leaning over to place a soft kiss on my cheek. “I gotta go.” Then he left, the rest of BTS trailing behind him.

“Did you see that?” I asked Alicia before we stepped over to talk to someone else. She nodded, still smiling from being reunited with Jimin. I hadn’t seen my own boyfriend for a while, but it’d been even longer for her to see her best friend. Or whatever they were. I didn’t even want to ask at this point. “Maybe he’s stressed. They’re up for a big award tonight, you know how he gets.”

I shrugged it off and put on my best smile for our final interview on the red carpet. My thoughts were distracted during it, but they got even worse once we were led to our seats inside. We were seated right next to BTS and the moment Yoongi saw me walking over to sit next to him, he switched spots with Jungkook who was on the exact opposite side. I sighed and wasn’t too sure what I did wrong.

To play into his game, I took the seat furthest away from BTS so he could get whatever distance he was praying on. Were my texts too clingy? Was it the facetimes? It was burning a hole into my chest and I found my face faltering, distancing myself from talking to anyone. My bandmates got caught up in conversation with each other and my feeling sorry for myself ass decided to sit them out.

I just found my eyes lost in the distance at the waves of people behind us, until I was pulled out of my thoughts by the same man of earlier. G-Dragon had taken a seat next to me and waited for a moment before saying hello, hoping I would notice him. Before I even said hello, I glanced at the eyes I could feel heavy on my being. Yoongi was staring me down but the moment I met his beautiful brown hues, he looked away.

“Were you serious earlier?” I asked G-Dragon and he nodded.

“Well, I already announced it so there’s really no backing down now.” he chuckled and I joined in the slight laughter. “So, I’ll come and grab you about a half hour before. There’s no dancing or anything. Do you know the ly-”

“Yes.” I quickly interrupted him and we both laughed it off.

“I’ll see ya’.” he waved to me and walked off.

“So you weren’t joking.” Anthony elbowed me and I regretted sitting next to him. “Ah, I can’t wait. You’re gonna do so great, Y/N.”

I jokingly gasped and he elbowed me again. “A compliment from you? Must mean business.”

“Hey!” Namjoon yelled from down the line to me. “What’s that about?” In any other instance I would have stood up and walked over, but seeing how he was next to Yoongi I didn’t want to do that. I motioned him over and he gladly got up. He took the empty seat next to me and before I explained anything, I asked him not to be a spy and tell Yoongi. After I told him, his face lit up like a proud father. “I- Wow.” He was in awe.

“I was just- taken back.” I smiled and the two minute countdown for the show to start when off. He was about to stand up, but I grabbed his wrist to stop. “Why is he mad at me?” I questioned, sounding a bit sad when I spoke.

“I truthfully have no idea. He’s been like this for most of the night, so I’m not too sure if it’s you.” he shrugged. “You’re gonna do great tonight, Y/N. I’ll keep it between us so everyone is surprised.” he winked and walked back over to his seat.

The minute countdown began to tick and everyone around us hurried to their seats. On my left was Seventeen, who tended to sit near BTS. Mingyu sat next to me and we smiled and nodded at each other. He was probably confused on why this American girl was sitting next to him, but he seemed all about it. Even greeting me with a small “Hello.” before turning to his left to speak to who I recognized as Joshua.

Almost simultaneously Alicia and I looked over to Julianna, motioning to the group sitting next to me. I saw the moment she saw how close Jeonghan was to her and her heart was in her throat. She averted her eyes to the stage in front of us for the last ten seconds while Alicia and I giggled at her response.

“They’re so close!” she whispered as the last ten seconds started, “Oh my god, he’s so close!” she was just simply delighted by this and it was adorable.

As soon as the timer ran out, we knew it was time to be serious. We had to put on our best smiles and just look thankful. Even if my mind was completely distracted by my boyfriend sitting 12 seats away. I’d like to think that he saw how nice I looked tonight, as I worked super hard on it. I knew I looked amazing but- I just wanted him to see.

All of the performances that were happening were amazing. Korean award shows were done so much nicer than American ones in that aspect. From the vocals to the visuals to the dances, it was so captivating I almost lost my sad train of thought. That was until it was time for the Best Male Group category and I had high hopes BTS would win. As the nominees were being announced, I couldn’t help but to cross my fingers and look over to the group as a way of silently cheering.

Yoongi was still, but I could see that his leg was bouncing up and down. It was a bit of a nervous tick of his sometimes to shake. I just wished that I was able to be next to him to calm him a bit and show my support, but here we were on opposite sides of the spectrum. As the announcer began to tease the winner, all of us tensed up with nerves.

Then it happened and they won. The seven of them won and were on their feet in their famous group hugs. A few seconds after the five of us stood up to cheer and exchanged hugs as they began to walk up towards the stage. When it was time for Yoongi to give me a hug, I opened my arms, but instead he just… high fived me?

We’ve been dating for over four years and the love of my life just gave me a high five on live television. He just rejected me on live television. I tried not to let it be shown that it was affecting me, but oh boy it was. Normally I would think he just didn’t want to show pda, but he hugged everyone else. I tried to block it out of my head as they began their thank you speech.

I couldn’t keep up with the Korean all too well and once I felt a tug on my sleeve, my attention was away from Yoongi who was speaking in this moment. It was G-Dragon who motioned me to follow him and I stood, right on his heels. As Yoongi’s speech finished, the man who was leading me away right now whispered. “That was cute don’t you think?” I furrowed my eyebrows and he laughed at my lack of understanding of their language. “He said ‘I want to thank the very special someone in my life for supporting me for the past few years and forever more’. I’m gonna guess that was towards you.”

“Knowing him it was about his dog.” I rolled my eyes at the situation and he laughed about it as we went backstage.

It was completely overwhelming as I was led away by a stylist to get me ready. She spoke minimal english, but I was able to communicate with her well enough. She brought out a floor length shimmery black dress for me to change into that hugged my body in a nice way. As they touched up my makeup and hair, I just looked up the words to the song again.

I knew them by heart and it said I should do the english version. Before I was whisked away, he told me all about how excited he was for this stage. He wasn’t exactly happy that the other woman couldn’t make it, but instead of excited about this experience. It was going to be a stage full of different collabs, but our song was ending the three of them. His stage had begun already and I was being rushed to get into position.

I’d be sitting on a beautiful ivory chair to contrast my dress and would be lifted from underneath the stage. As I took the seat in the position they carefully moved me into, my nerves began to act out. This past year had been a rush for me. It was so different from my normal life and actually saying yes to this was so far out of my comfort zone. On top of my jittery performance nerves, I had my relationship ones as well. Did I finally push Yoongi far enough away that he didn’t want to be with me anymore?

I couldn’t get caught up in these thoughts right now. I had to sing this song with all of the emotion I had buried within me. The lyrics of this song were special and I knew I had to get caught up within them to make this the best performance I could possibly put on right now. I took a deep inhale as the platform began to move as my part was about to come up within the song.

From the top of the stage, this entire arena was bigger than I had realized. I looked over at G-Dragon and he completely in his zone. The somewhat shy man I was with earlier had become this stage monster presence. I hoped I could even match up well enough, but from how in the zone I felt in the moment I could do this. As I began to sing and move, I felt a wave of euphoria wash over me. I was truly happy.

The entire audience basically looked like blobs, but I could make out the figures of my friends. They were all sitting front row and they looked to be really into it from the bits I could see. Instead of focusing just on them, I threw myself into the music and got really into the song. My movements were fluid and if I could have an ego for a moment, I sounded fucking good. I was impressed by how good this was.

As the song neared the end when we sang together, G-Dragon made his way over to me, looking me straight in the eyes. I looked back to fill in the moment and found myself reaching for his hand. He obliged, in the moment as well. As I finished my vocals, he moved closer to me, the cameras zooming straight into the lack of space between us. I was captivated by the way he sang to me and as he got into the fade away portion of the ending, the two of us separated, moving to separate ends of the stage. The song ended and we met back up in the middle, taking a small bow together before the cameras were gone and we exited the stage together.

“Holy shit.” I whispered to him as we descended down the steps.

“A beautiful feeling, yeah?” he responded, giving me a half sweaty hug, “You were great, your stage presence was awesome. Watching you get really into it was pretty cool. Thanks for doing me this favor.” he chuckled and I smiled. Once we got backstage again, I changed back into the dress I’d arrived in and was escorted back out. The show was on a commercial and there was a loud roar as I appeared out in the open again.

I couldn’t help but to bow and smile as I made my way back over to my seats. Everyone had shifted their seats. Julianna had ended up next to Seventeen. Actually next to Jeonghan who had also shifted. Watching her try to hold herself together was hilarious. Alicia was next to her and then Luke, then Anthony. BTS had shifted in the opposite way, Yoongi moving over next to the seat that was now left for me.

As I approached them, the eleven of them stood up to give me a small standing ovation. I had this corny smile on and waved them off. “Please just- uh sit down.” I spoke pretty loudly so they could hear me, but it still came out as a whisper. I walked over to Alicia and silently asked her to switch with me.

She pulled me down so she was whispered to me. “He asked everyone to move so he could sit next to you. You should’ve seen him dude. I’m showing you fancams when we get back to the hotel. He was so happy, I swear I almost saw him shed a tear.” My mouth was gaped open at her words and I tried to shake the feelings that came along with it.

I made eye contact with Joshua of Seventeen and he congratulated me on a great performance. I was too shell shocked to say anything to I just repeated thank you and bowed like five times. His laughter afterwards found it to be charming and I made my way to my seat. Yoongi was lost in conversation with Hoseok next to him and as he noticed me coming over, he greeted me with this smug smile.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked as I took my seat, directing his full attention towards me. He reached his hand out to grip my thigh. It was something he enjoyed doing. His thumb rubbed circles on my skin.

“Well, you weren’t really speaking to me.” I responded, copying his facial expression to annoy him a bit. He scoffed at my response, but he didn’t end our conversation. He looked out in the crowd for a moment and then made direct eye contact with me. All at once he leaned into to give me a long, lingering kiss. Knowing him his petty ass just looked around for his fan site to make sure he got nice pictures of this.

I didn’t exactly reject his kiss, but I didn’t continue it like I probably would have at any other time. “Let’s get back to that.” he smiled, but his words were basically vicious and then he moved his hand and didn’t speak to me for the remainder of the award show. It was so fucking annoying.

He stayed seated next to me the entire time, but not a word was spoken directly to me. I didn’t quite know what he was playing at by doing this, but all I knew is that I was pissed. I wanted to get up and walk out of here and just kind of go to cry in the hotel room. I knew I couldn’t do that. I even cheered like he hadn’t just stopped speaking to me during their end of show performance. I was good at pretending.

“Ah, that was a great performance!” I complimented them as they walked back over, sweating their asses off for the final award they were nominated for.

“Thank you!” Jungkook responded and I pulled him to sit next to me before my boyfriend could take a seat. Yoongi scowl for a moment but then he carried on and sat next to Jungkook like nothing had just happened. “What are you guys doing after this?” he questioned and Anthony joined in the conversation.

“The after party, of course!” Anthony cheered and him and Jungkook high fived over me.

“Ah, I’ll be heading back to the hotel room.” I added in just to let them know before I ended up roped along into this.

“You’re gonna leave this handsome guy alone at a party!?” Jungkook exclaimed and put his arm around Yoongi, tugging him into the conversation. “Someone might come and scoop him up, you know!?”

“Yeah, I know.” I rolled my eyes and Yoongi let out a breathy chuckle. “I’m just not really in the mood.”

“Y/N, you’re coming.” Anthony almost scolded me, “That’s final, missy.”

“Don’t-”

“That’s final.” Yoongi said in a smug tone as he mimicked my bandmate. I shook my head and made eye contact with him for the first time since he’d spoken to me last. “Why won’t you come?” he questioned, teasingly knowing the answer. He was such a dick when he wanted to be.

“You’re speaking to me again?” Of course I had to be bitter. Bygones weren’t bygones here, no way. “I hope you don’t treat any of the ‘ladies’ you meet tonight at that party like this.” I rolled my eyes and looked away from him, completely turning my body to face my group. I heard shuffling in his direction as if he was maybe going to stand up, but the show was back on so it’d have to wait.

It was the final award and it was Artist of the Year. I was hopeful and I knew were all were. Again, we all tensed up as the nominees were announced and this time even held hands for it. We really loved these boys, it was crazy. When they won the entire arena went crazy. Everyone was on their feet and screaming and cheering and I found myself caught inside my boyfriends arms for a brief moment. He spun me around once (Probably for the cameras) and then let me go instantly without a word to me.

Then they were over. The most stressful award show of my short career had ended and I had to figure out a way to escape to the hotel without being stopped. I tried to sneak off from my friends but a tight grip on my wrist from Alicia stopped me. She shook her head no and wouldn’t let go for the remainder we were in the award show. The fourteen of us walked out together and of course Yoongi walked in the front while I trailed behind. We split by group into our respective vans on the way over.

“Can I please go back to the hotel?” I groaned to everyone and was met with a chorus of no’s. “I’m not staying for long then, I’ll leave as soon as he upsets me.”

“Yeah, whatever you say.” Anthony waved me off and closed his eyes.

“You’re not gonna get through this if you avoid him.” Luke sang, already knowing my reasoning.

“He can come to her!” Julianna sided with me, completely lost in a daze over her Seventeen meeting. Once she realized the aggravated looks she was getting from everyone but me, she began to stutter. “I mean she’s gonna go enjoy this party and he can come to her there!”

“You guys are the worst.” I groaned and tossed my head back onto the seat, closing my eyes for the remainder of the ride. I started listing through exit strategies in my head and I just figured I’d leave after I confronted Yoongi again. He’d probably try to avoid me, but I wasn’t going to take no for an answer.

“So what happened with you and Jeonghan?” I asked with my eyes still shut, trying to change the subject.

“Well- uh- He’d heard about my problem with him and- We ended up speaking in Japanese to each other.” We all burst into hysterical laughter at the thought alone of it, but she didn’t take it personal. She knew we were all proud.

At least she was making advances.

A/N: Hey! Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!

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