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chris-continues · 8 months

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Domestic, Diplomatic, and Damn…

An uncanny Eriks/reader continuation to this <3

TAGS: @h4venpha @millionsvash @vashfantasy @linkdedruid @macncherries @captaintweet @astrathecowboy @lune010

You could feel his breath on your neck as he leant down, tickling you with his facial hair.

Ah, yes, running errands on your day off with your secretly eldrich horror boyfriend, “Eriks”. Or, as you knew him, Vash.

He was getting into the habit of living in a more crowded place, to your surprise. Oftentimes, for the first few weeks of living together you’d left him at your place as he awaited for you to come home. Leaving him alone saddened you though, but.. It wasn’t like you could just take him out, some would recognize him as the Humanoid Typhoon.

So you settled for a disguise.

You swear to god, seeing him with long hair did things to you. How could he be so.. Handsome? And wonderful? And sweet?

“Can you get that? Up there? Can’t reach it.” You pointed towards an item on the top shelf, the movement of your shoulder ceasing his looming behind you (that had started to evolve into nuzzling). “Mmm? Mhm.” He hummed, the vibrations soothing against you. His fingers lazily moved from your stomach to follow your request. God, he was so cuddly.

With a slightly sickening crack of his spine, he extended an arm forwards and reached for the item. Eugh, you couldn't tell if the sound made you shiver or if it was the fact that his torso was pressed against you. Not that you were complaining. He excitedly handed you the item, your hands closing around it and brushing against his. “Thank you!” He buzzed happily with the praise, whining as you stepped around him to place it into the cart- which to your dismay, had a man with his arms crossed over the front as he stood in place.

“Excuse me.” You murmured, attempting to lightly push it forward. Paying him no mind was the best thing you could do. Sigh.

“Hey?” he drew out, “Hello?”

You could feel the cart pushing more into your side as you pointedly examined the shelf before you, browsing for something that most definitely wasn’t on our list.

God, please go away, go away…

Vash gave a curious chirp and- oh god, Vash! He was here with you! “Hello? Pfft, you there?” God, his voice was annoying, you really just wanted this guy gone. You turned away from him to look at Vash, his gaze curious as he peered at the man through his hair.

You grimaced. Just who did this guy think he was? “What, so you just plan to ignore me? I’m talking to you, b-”

You know, you’d never suspect your boyfriend’s slim, bony, and quite frankly very attractive hips could hip check a shopping cart. Let alone with such an overwhelming ferocity it almost knocked your socks off, yet once again life seems to prove your assumptions wrong. His eyes wide, he feigned innocence with teeth a bit too sharp peeking from his lip.

“Watch it man- hey,” He stared at you pointedly, you could feel it, “you’re fuckin’ ugly anw-augh!” Oh, looks like Vash wanted to drive the cart forwards again. For no reason in particular. At all. From behind the familiar gleam in his glasses, a devilish grin spread across Vash’s face. The guy figured his sweet revenge would come in the form of aggressively flipping you off, to which you only chuckled to yourself about. God, he was so sour. “Mm, don’t like how he treated you..” Vash murmured, his arms wrapping around your middle once more as you continued to browse the aisle. His voice rumbled sweetly against your neck, although your vertical cuddling session had to be cut short. Ah, adulting, where you can’t cuddle your 7”0 eldrich horror (whore-or) boyfriend.

“I don’t either.” You exhale, shuffling with the cart once again. His large hands rest over yours, pushing the cart alongside you before embracing you yet again.

“Can I help, in any way?”

You smile. He’s such a sweetheart. “Just you holding me is plenty.” A giggle erupts from you as he turns your head to kiss you, a small chitter escaping him as he kisses you with glee. The kiss is chaste, lips brushing gently in the promise for more. His almost silent hums are equivalent to a siren’s call, beckoning you for more.

You’d always let him have more. You’d let him devour you. But you knew he never would, not with the way he looks at you. When his limited words come through, when it’s painful for him to speak but he does so because it pleases you. He savors each crumb of your affection you offer from your palm, inhaling it as if it’ll be the last. Cherishing you wholly and sweetly, encompassing you sweetly and loving you through and through.

Eriks, Vash, human or not,

You’re sure you’ll always love him.

#chris writes #trigun #trigun stampede #uncanny vash #monstercuddler #monster cuddler #vash x you #vash the stampede #vash the stampede x reader #gender neutral reader #fanfic #drabble #vash trigun #trigun vash

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jeanette-luminia · 1 year

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Hey can you do a Larissa x femreader where reader insecurities get the best of her (age gap and how she looks maybe) and Larissa being stressed with work just push her more down to that hole and theres no happy ending...... sorry i just want to have a good cry

𝐖𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐎𝐧𝐞 || 𝑳𝑨𝑹𝑰𝑺𝑺𝑨 𝑾𝑬𝑬𝑴𝑺

a/n: I didn't expect requests to be quite overwhelming but I love it! I had fun writing this cuz I love angst, thank you anon. <3

“Doesn’t it feel weird?” your friend, Aera, said out of nowhere. Confused, you stopped drinking your coffee and tilted your head, pushing her to continue.

“I mean, Larissa’s older than you,” she said. You gripped your cup a little too hard as you kept still in your seat.

Don’t start this again.”

“I’m only stating my opinion.”

“Well, some opinions should be kept inside.” your anger was seeping, feeling your head boiling. “Y/N, she’s 43, you’re 24. Shouldn’t you be with someone who’s… I don’t know, a closer to your age?” she tried to reason.

“So what? I love her, and we’re both adults.”

“Jesus Christ, when was the last time she actually paid attention to you?” you stopped. People around you always talk about that feeling when they realize something big. When they froze. When they felt like time suddenly stopped. The feeling of your heart sinking. You were sure yourself you wouldn’t have to feel that. Everything was okay. You and Larissa are okay.

Yet you sit still, feeling your stomach drop, it almost made you sick. Everything around you was a blur. You felt your heartache, reaching your fingertips. Usually, you like the feeling of it while reading a sad book that made you sob. But at this moment, it hurts.

“S—she’s just busy.” You tremble.

“That’s bullshit. You’re forgetting that you’ve complained to me that your girlfriend hasn’t been giving you attention.”

You looked at Aera. “how much?”

“How much what?” she looked puzzled.

“How much have I been complaining?”

“...” she stared at you for a moment, before taking a deep breath. “At least every other day for weeks.” you bring your hand to your face, and you took a shaky breath as you feel an overwhelming emotion take over you.

“Listen, I’m not saying this just because I want to ruin your relationship, because I know you love her so much and that you are happy with her. But for fuck sake know your worth.” She took your hand.

“You should be with someone who will be there when you need them. I understand that she’s busy but avoiding you isn’t the answer. You should be with someone who will make time for you and is younger than her. ”

You wipe the tear that has slipped, composing yourself. “I’ll talk to her.”

You walked along the corridor, the sun was setting, and the students has retreated to their own dorm rooms. You were sure Larissa was still on her desk. Seemingly enough, you were right.

You walked in quietly, wanting to get this over with as your heart pound like someone is playing the drums. Larissa didn’t even look up to see who entered, her eyes is glued to her laptop screen.

“Who is it?”

“It’s me, love.”

“How many times will I tell you to knock before coming inside?” she briefly looked in your direction before going back to typing on her laptop. She was annoyed and her patient was running on thin ice.

You thought about backing away, letting this conversation be discussed at another time. But here you are, standing in front of her desk.

“We need to talk.”

She paused, looking up at you. You saw how annoyed she was, being disturbed by her work. It’s just like how your parents look at you.

“We can talk later, dear.” she pushed away.

You shook your head. “No. Let’s talk now.”

She sighed and massage the bridge of your nose. “What?”

You looked down, feeling an overwhelming anticipation rise up from your body. You took a deep breath before saying: “You haven’t paid attention to me.” you felt your anxiety rise, and words end up in a whisper at the end.

You heard her chuckle, and you heard your heart crack.

“Y/N, that's all you want to talk about?”

“Y–yes but-”

“I’ve been busy, my dear. Running an entire school with supernatural teenagers is harder than your job.” she gritted her teeth, holding her anger. She’d been stressed by the recent activities. Wednesday has been causing trouble all over town and Sheriff Galpin has been complaining none stop.

Her anger wasn’t towards you, she just has a lot going on right now.

You felt anger bubbling all over you. “Even so, you should take a break and maybe spend time with me.”

“Not everything is about you.”

“Oh really? Coming from the person who just said that running an entire school with supernatural teenagers is harder than my job.” You retorted. You had enough of her little act.

“You know what I mean.”

“No! I don’t get what you mean! Why is work more important to me? I understand that you are keeping the school working but you need a break as well and I—”

You jumped as she slammed her hand on her desk, flinching away as she rose from her seat. “You’re acting like a child Y/N! You need to grow up and realize that not everything is about you!”

You’re acting like a child Y/N. she thinks you’re just a child. Just like everyone thinks of you being in a relationship with her.

You’re too young for her.

She’ll think you're a child.

She will have power over you.

She’s too old to be your partner.

Suddenly you feel tears in your eyes, your lips wobble in fear of her hurting you much more than she’s hurting you right now. You felt as if your heart was broken, broken into a million pieces. Maybe she wasn’t for you, you were just forcing it to work out.

Larissa paused, witnessing the damage she just caused. Your figure trembles as she towers over you. Your tears uncontrollably fall. You shield yourself against hers. She realized she became the monster she promised not to.

“Love, I–”

“Don't.”

She walked towards you, but you backed away. “You have no idea how much I’ve endured just to keep our relationship,” you said. “You have no idea how much I’ve heard people say how I should date people around my age. People say that I’m way too younger for you or you’re way too old for me. How you’ll think of me as a child.” you let everything out. The anger, the pain, the insecurities.

“I felt insecure about our relationship and you weren’t there for me! For us!” you cried, not caring about how loud you were being. “You’re always at work. I’m busy with work too but I make time for you. I wished that if I make time for you, you’d do the same.” you bring up a hand to cover your face. Your voice became hoarse and trembling.

“I guess I’m just a child.”

Her heart stung from the word she said. “No no no, you’re not a child, I was just stressed and was caught up with work.” she tried to reason out.

“Please love, I’m sorry I– I’ll make time for you. I promise. I’ll clear my schedule—”

“Too late.” she paused.

“... what?”

“Let’s end this Larissa,” you said, as you stared at her. “No please, Y/N. I’d do anything just don’t go—I’ll make time for you. Please love.” tears swell up in the corner of her eye. She wants you to stay. She needs you to stay. You were her home. The sole reason why she comes home.

“Goodbye Larissa.” You whispered, walking away from the distraught figure who is still trying to process everything.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m so sorry.” she cried out. Her knees gave in as she falls to the ground. As she heard the door close, she looked. You weren’t there anymore. You left her.

She cried that night, drinking a whole bottle of champagne. Burring her sorrow as she cried herself to sleep, hoping it was just a bad dream, and that you’d be there to comfort her when she wakes up.

You weren’t there anymore. She patted the empty side of her bed, realizing that you had left her. She cried that day, she couldn’t bring herself to go to work.

You were her last love. While she was just a love passing by, she was your second love. The love that hurts the most.

She watches you from afar. Dancing with your partner, in a beautiful white lacy dress and a veil on your hair. You were with the lover you deserve, the one who won’t be the reason she cries, the person who will make you happy, the person who will be there for you like she wished she was there.

Watches through the shadows. She brings her hand up to her neck, fidgeting with the necklace with a ring on.

It’s a bittersweet feeling, she still loves you. She never stopped loving you. She planned to propose to you after every workload she had. While trying to finish everything as early as possible, she ends up hurting you. Tears fell down her face, laughing at herself.

She would have been the one dancing with you right now.

#☕: writes #💬: answers #larissa weems x reader #gwendoline christie x reader #larissa weems #gwendoline christie

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lunathebee · 1 year

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THE MOON BOYS WITH A ADHD S/O

A/n: I have no words to justify myself; I did not avoid this request, nor did I disrespect the anon who requested it. This is just the war between me and my really bad memory problem (and stacks of endless work). Thank god, my brain just randomly decided to remember this.

Warning: Like the title said, not everyone can relate to this HC, and if so, please don't throw hate or say "Steven would never do that" or "I think Marc hates it," etc. Please, my masterlist has plenty of HC for everyone; leave this one for the people who really need it, aye?

🍓 Steven Grant 🍓

There wouldn't be much of a problem, I think.

If you told him you have ADHD, Steven would be a bit surprised—not because you had it, but because it is something new to him.

Man spent hours reading books and conducting research to learn more about you.

And I swear at some point, he would find himself mumbling symptoms with wide eyes.

"...zoned out or some would talk really fast—wait, I do that."

I don't know why, but I always feel connected to Steven in a different way, like the way he acts isn't just for quirky scenes or to make the audience laugh.

I truly (with my whole heart and deepest respect) believe Steven is somewhere on the same side as you (not ADHD, but the chance of him having another condition that affects him is high).

So yeah, I think you guys would share some similar moments together.

Steven would help you with many things and is always so kind and nice.

He takes a special interest in your fidget toys, so he hopes you don't mind that.

🍓 Marc Spector 🍓

"What is that?"

You have to explain it to him.

"Oh...Oh...Okay...Um Uh huh"

So serious and focused, Marc loves you, so if there is something about you that he doesn't know yet, he will try his best to understand.

I don't think he would be bothered by it that much.

Always keep an eye out just in case you guys are in public and someone looks at you "weird."

He's one of those grandparents who says, "You used to LOVE this thing because you told me that when you were 5, so I bought you 2000 stuff of it even though you're now an adult."

Marc might be a bit confused, but he's got the spirit!

Your shirt doesn't feel "right?" Maybe a jacket would be better?

You're feeling overwhelmed by your homework?That's okay, let's take a break.

Overall, I would say Marc really tries his best to make everything around you guys more comfortable for you.

Marc = best lover <3

🍓 Jake Lockley 🍓

I won't lie to you; this is just my brutally honest opinion on Jake.

At first, he would get bothered by it and might even be annoyed on some days.

Jake doesn't understand why and how on earth you can't make a decision on picking anything, or how you always say you're going to do this thing and then completely forget about it 15 minutes later.

But he has more important things to deal with, so he doesn't show that he's bothered by them.

"Bae! Why don't you throw the empty toothpaste away?" Jake asked one night

"I'm so sorry, I keep forgetting about that. Sorry, babe, I'm sorry."

Jake decided to let it go; it was just toothpaste, right? What is the big deal?

And then later on, he noticed you lingering in the bathroom a bit longer, how you always touch the toothpaste to make sure it's not empty, and how you also DOUBLE check that.

Everything turns into a big mess when Jake sees you having a breakdown from your trip to the supermarket.

When you tell him you went there to buy toothpaste but forgot, and when you DID remember, you can't remember if the tube is empty or full despite checking almost every day, his heart breaks.

Jake would hold you and comfort you, feeling guilty that he was the one causing you so much distress.

After that, he will have a totally different view of you and your chronic condition.

Jake will just silently do his job if he ever sees you forgetting something or leaving something randomly on the kitchen table.

He listens to you talk about 50 hobbies and plenty more.

Jake learns how to adapt just fine; your condition doesn't define you; you're his lover, not a burden.

#steven grant x y/n #steven grant x reader #steven grant x you #marc spector x y/n #marc spector x reader #marc spector x you #jake lockley x y/n #jake lockley x reader #jake lockley x you #moon knight imagine #moon knight x reader #moon knight headcanon #moon knight fic #the moon boys #the moon boys x reader

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ganymedesclock · 2 years

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I will put this in a separate post from the one I just reblogged because it's a side tangent but to use OP's example, of, "you cannot really presume Usagi is evil on the basis of her destiny as a Future Monarch", this illuminates to me why it's so important to take media analysis as something where you divide up all the pieces of the work and your response.

In-universe. Serenity is not evil. Serenity is the future. she is benevolent. she is correct. she is beautiful. Crystal Tokyo is beautiful. She saved the future from total apocalypse.

Metatextually, at least to my personal read, Serenity embodies maturity. Sailor Moon is a story about adolescence. Usagi is basically given the power to embody her own older self- the cool, beautiful, sought after grown-up that she has the potential to become, but isn't yet. This is reflected in how much of her problems are related to childhood- childish things like being 'a crybaby'. And how much of her powers reflect positions of adulthood- things like the disguise pen that enables her to position herself as various adults who are already entrenched and have jobs, are respectable and respected. And, as encapsulated in a meme at least once, sometimes the effort of mantling as those people is overwhelming to Usagi!

Serenity embodies true maturity. The World in tarot. Serenity's graciousness, authority, power, she is not just an adult with a job she is the adult with the job. In many models or interpretations of monarchy, the monarch is seen as almost the parent of the entire nation. Serenity is Chibi-usa's rightful mother, who Chibi-usa respects, though she is annoyed by Usagi in the modern day who does not live up to this ideal.

NOW. Having this laid out and established, we can THEN turn around and ask: is it a good thing to see people this way? Does Usagi really Grow Up Perfect into Serenity? Does Serenity, really, never backslide or feel like Usagi? How does this parable of adulthood mingle with the actual realities of monarchy?

But at that point what we're messing with is basically, the discussion of the performance. WHY did the author use these symbols to communicate this context, and how do we feel about it. My read on this is going to be very different, because I personally believe monarchy is unethical and I also have some personal baggage about perfection, that leaves me uncomfortable with Serenity as an individual in her own right and a future impression of who Usagi WILL be.

This leaves me much more fond of Steven Universe ultimately using Rose Quartz and her history as an allusion to Serenity, and how, actually, it wasn't a good thing that Rose Quartz retreated behind such a perfect facade. That actually, it's not Steven's job to transcend into a perfect adult who has no problems. BEING that adult... is not a very good thing. It creates problems. We love Serenity. Serenity, probably, loves us, or at least tries to. But being Serenity is not good for her. Being Serenity creates a certain amount of insincerity and struggle in her personal life. In We Need To Talk, Greg demands that Rose actually talks to him "like a real person", to which Rose, visibly disquieted, says she's not a real person and she thought he knew that. She was serving him the fantasy of idealized Serenity and not the reality of an actual, flawed, struggling person- an "Usagi" who thought she had to put away all her childish things and grow up so she wouldn't be bad anymore.

But Steven Universe isn't directly a story about Rose Quartz. It's a story about Steven, the child of this Usagi/Serenity character, and subtextually, it is not a contemporary or peer to Sailor Moon- it is a successor. Rebecca Sugar experienced Sailor Moon, and felt feelings, and drew from those feelings. And this is significant, because Rose Quartz is not Usagi. She is, sort of, an echo of Usagi digested by Sugar and processed into a new entity entirely. Sailor Moon is not required reading for Steven Universe. We know who Rose is because the story tells us. It would be meaningless to take the context of Rose Quartz and put it directly back into Serenity.

And I could even be completely wrong about this connection. Ultimately the only versions of these figures I can talk about are the versions of these figures who I have, myself, 'digested', and warped a bit by the lenses I view them through. But I'd never be able to get there at all, if I didn't have some kind of conversation with myself about my feelings, and my relationship with both of these media, and what qualities they have, regardless of my feelings.

#long post #Steven Universe #Sailor Moon

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internal-bleating · 1 year

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Monsters Vs Aliens isn't that bad and people should give it more of a chance and Susan Murphy is one of the best female protagonists ever actually

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!!Long Post Warning!!

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People seem to collectively hate Monsters Vs Aliens and idk why. My fam and I have always loved it and me and my dad used to always quote it all the time.

Now, is it better than Megamind? No way. Megamind is a masterpeice of cinema and is very much obviously the superior movie. But is Monsters Vs Aliens THAT horrible? I really don't think so.

I watched it again recently for old times sake and sentimental nostalgia and I really do think it's kind of underated. Is the animation style kind of ugly? First off, ugly and pretty are very subjective, second, yeah I can see why some might find the character design kinda ugly with their weird porportions and Susan's huge fucking eyes. But I really don't think it's THAT bad.

Also people seem to rag on the plot a fair amount as well but the plot and message are both actually pretty awesome if you ask me.

Susan is SUCH a good protagonist ok???

Gonna share my appreciation with ya'll for her.

I know there's probably people out there that view her as annoying and whinny but like??? Give her a fucking break! The girl literally starts off as the most basic average young adult white girl you've ever seen. Like fr she was probably on the more populer side at school, was definitly on the richer side when it comes to the middle class, seemed to live in a very cookie cut suburd neighborhood, and was going to marry one of the most painfully boring and typical white dudes ever. Like this girl was DEFINITELY one of those white girls you always see youtubers do impressions of n shit.

And by PURE CHANCE and coincidence, she gets hit by a meteor on her wedding day (Also can we talk about that hysterically anticlimactic "Oof!" she lets out when she got hit and her mom just brushing off her words when she says she got hit my a meteorite like "yep, everyone feels like that" as if her daughter wasn't fucking COVERED in dirt and ash) and it completely derails her very normal life.

Can we talk about Derek for a sec tho? Like what a fucking selfish jackass! The guy KNEW how excited Susan was about Paris and yet he only cares about himself and continuesly proves he doesn't give a shit about her enough to inconveiniance himself for her AT ALLLLL. Unlike Susan who was completely ready to forget about her Paris honeymoon for him. Like I bet you if Susan hadn't had this whole thing happen to her she'd have the most miserable loveless mariage with this dude and would be in denial of it for YEARS and keep trying to tell herself he cares but probably won't realize he doesn't until way way later. This guy was going to definitly waste a good chunk of her life and leave her feeling so so incredibly lost...

She's confused and scared(seriously her hair turned white in miliseconds becuase of how distressed she was) as everyone runs away screaming and she tries in vain to calm everyone down and things only get more disorienting as helicopters and fucking military men start attacking her and she doesn't understand what she's done wrong. And we also get some foreshadowing of how strong and how much potential she has with her newfound strength yet she doesn't know that yet. A few soldiers attempt to pull her down with ropes around her arm and at first she struggles against it but as SOON as she sees Derek is in danger she's like "Hey leave him alone! Don't hurt him!" and pulls herself free with incredible ease!

So then, Susan is very understandably freaking out and panicking when she wakes up in Area 51, yelling and screaming that she doesn't belong here as she's up until now most likely never experienced such and confusing and stressful situation. And honestly I feel SO SORRY for her that whole thing must've been so overwhelming and scary. We kind of get a timeskip after she sits in the corner of her cell but I bet you she was having a breakdown for the whole first week.

Small note, the government changed her name to Ginormica. Like bruh...

Then villain introduction yada yada skipping ahead a little bit.

Quick mention of the BANGER scene where the President plays Axel F for an alien robot. One of my fave scenes in the whole movie fr.

Also mentioning how Susan is SO SO determined to get out of monster prison.

So Susan and the other monsters are tasked with fighting an alien robot in exchange for their freedom. Susan is like "Oh yes! I'm gonna see my family again!" and I don't think the thought of fighting a robot has fully sunk in yet becuase she's way more focused on the prospect of seeing her lover again.

And THEN she sees this MOUNTAIN of a fucking robot that actually kind of scared me as a kid, and it finally sinks in. They want her to fight THAT. She was not expecting it to be so fucking big. Do these people actually expect her to fight this thing?? She starts freaking out again because like?? HOW??? How is she supposed to fight that thing?? She's never fought before!

Then big action scene, comedic moments with the trio, Susan runs away from the robot scared out of her fucking mind as this huge hulking metal monster aggressively persues her. And we get an actually really funny joke where she's clinging onto the edge of a roof, scared she's gonna fall only to fall like, two inches onto her feet when her grip slips and she's like "Oh. Right. Haha.".

Monster shenanigans again, She's on the bridge and continuing to get as far away from the robot as she can when she sees a car crash happen and reflexively stops in her tracks. She can clearly see the robot just a short distance away, but instead of continuing to run, she risks closing the gap of distance she's created for herself from the robot and chooses to instead help the people who might possibly be hurt and injured. She tries to warn them even as they run away becuase they are scared of her to get off the bridge before the robot gets to all of them.

Yeah, ok, maybe it's kinda ridiculous how fast the robot closes that distance between it and her but movie logic™ ok???

The robot has her cornered, it opens up a panel with a bunch of rotating teeth, intending to GRIND HER INTO A BLOODY PASTE like can we talk about how horrifying of a situation that is?? You're literal inches from a killer meatgrinder that's angling the bridge you're on so that you slide right into a waiting painful hole of death!

Insectisaurous, another big monster she was at first terrified of, shows up just in time. You see that look of incredible relief on Susan's face as he comes to her rescue, incopasitating the robot and pulling the bridge back to it's correct angle in order to help her get away.

Susan starts frantically asking why this robot is so hellbent on killing her specifically. It's not like she's been trying to attack it this whole time! Like why??? Robot seemingly crushes her in its robot hand but then, she pries its hand back open, the gang watching in awe.

In the struggle, the robot creates a huge hole in the bridge and a couple's car starts to fall into it but Susan stop it! "You're doing great!" "I'm doing EVERYTHING!!!" - ASFDJKLHFSDLAJKHSFDJKFASD

Susan, still thinking about the wellbeing of others, prioritizes getting all these people off the bridge and away from danger. When Bob clears the way somewhat, she yells at the people in their cars to go while still wresting with the robot hand to prevent it from harming any of them.

She's obviously tiring from holding his hand at bay for so so long and knows she can't keep it up forever and that's a scary thought to have cuz she's unsure how she's going to get away from this thing. But then she takes in her suroundings and a plan forms in her head.

Once again, Susan has never had to do this before. She's just winging this and is fighting for her god damn life! She speaks to herself to hype herself up for what she's about to attempt, hoping it will work.

Then BAM! With a determined burst of strength she jumps into action, pushing the robot hand wide open before grabbing the other and pulling the robot towards her, using its weight and topheaviness to make it lose balance and fall forwards. She grabs Link whose out cold btw rn, and carries him to safety, jumping out of the way JUST in time before the robot completely destroyes the bridge where she just was as it falls over.

A peice of the bridge comes down with it and severes its head from the rest of its body, effectively damaging it enough to power it off, permanently. Susan peers over the edge of the collapsed bridge, a smile of relief that the danger has passed and she's still alive spreading across her face. She actually did it!

Villain scene and monolouge, impending doom approaching, time skip,

Susan is excitedly talking to the others as they ride in the plane's cargohold about how "Wow! I can't believe I actually did that!" and she's so so proud of herself and you see Dr. Cockroach and Bob smiling back at her becuase from their POV she's probably glowing so so brightly and looks the happiest they've seen her ever. Her confidence is at skyrocket height right now! And yet, she can't help but long for her old life. She tells them how she's going to find a way to become normal again and that Derek will help her because he loves and cares about her and won't rest until they've fixed this(poor thing doesn't realize how much of a shitstain Derek is yet).

Bob (yeah he's the comic relief but i feel like people greatly underate how honest and genuine he can be like come onnnnnn(also yes I added him to my kinlist idgaf)) is like "Wait but you were just talking about how you're so strong now and how there's not a jar in this world you can't open" and yeah the whole line is played in a comedic light cuz Bob seems to only care about whatever food is in the jar she can't open but I feel like it's a little deeper than that.

After hearing about how great Derek seemingly is, the gang wants to meet him and Susan is like "Yeah sure I'll gladly introduce you guys!" and they all arrive at her home and she looks so happy to be back!!

Her family is kinda wary of the gang but she reassures them they're all chill and introduces them as her new friends, showcasing how far she's come relationshipwise with the three of them(since she was scared of them and found both Bob and Dr. Cockroach gross when they all first met. She legit tried to kill Dr. Cockroach when they first met like wow.)

Another example of Derek not caring, he doesn't show up to welcome her home from prison. Susan runs off to go get him so they can all celebrate together.

The monster gang tries to adjust to society and does their best to be friendly and nice but everyone is still super scared of them and it doesn't go very well...

Susan is SO SO HAPPY to see Derek again! She forgets how big she is and how strong she is in her excitement and Derek is kinda... understandably distressed when she picks him up, swings him around, almost suffocates him and almost crushes him. When Susan realizes this she immediatly apoligizes to him and puts him down.

Derek proceeds to show just how much of a fucking dickwad he is. When he asks her if he expects him to put his whole career on hold to help her, she's like "YES???" like bro this girl was ready to make the sacrifice of her PARIS HONEYMOON that she was VERY VISIBELY LOOKING FORWARD TO for your benifit!! Derek breaks Susan's heart and she's completely at a loss now. Everything feels like a lie. She leaves her home to go off to where she does not know.

Once again, yes, I KNOW it's kind of an impossible reach for the monster trio to show up right then. And ONCE AGAIN, I'm claiming movie logic™.

Bob once again being incredibly blunt and honest. Makes the whole gang face the fact that everyone hates them and doesn't want to be around them.

Heard somone bring up and praise the "We could save every city on the planet and they'd still treat us the way they've always treated us. Like monsters..." and honestly, fucking correct and valid.

They all have that quiet sad moment together.

Link tries to lighten the mood by asking how things went with Derek, the seemingly perfect and accepting loving guy Susan has sung the praises of for her entirety of her time with them in prison(seriously Link's whole response to her talking about him in that one scene way earlier implies she talked about Derek NONSTOP). He and the others do not yet know he's a prick as Susan had just discovered.

Susan finally accepts the fact that he's a selfish jerk as she tells the gang so.

"There was never and us! There was only Derek! Why did I have to get hit by a meteorite do realize that??" - Girl go OFF!!!!

She gets a good old rant out and in the process realizes that she doesn't have to feel lost. She's gonna be just fine without him because she's fucking amazing and has four new awesome friends now. She tells them just how awesome they all are and that none of them have to be accepted by society. They all have a character turning moment where Susan has learned she loves this new her and things are looking real up for the five of them! But then, of course, something has to go wrong.

Galaxar's ship shows up and abducts Susan. Insectosaurus tries to help her again but is hit by a ball of energy from the spaceship's cannon. He lets out the most heartwrenching shriek and we get an actually really sad scene as Susan is pulled into the ship and Link, knowing there's really nothing they can do for her in that moment, rushes over to his friend.

"Don't close those eyes. Don't you DARE close those eyes!" *Insectosaurus's eyes slide shut* "You can't..." - LIKE COME ON THAT WAS FUCKING SADDDDD AAAAAAAAAA

Susan has a confrontation with Galaxar, the villain of this movie. They have a very "You have gotten in my way for the last time" "I don't know who tf you are!" moment.

Susan has a moment of clarity where she's like "Wait, all of this is YOUR fault??" and she realizes that he's the reason her whole life was derailed and why she suffered all this trauma of her wedding day, being taken away from everything she's ever known with no hope of ever seeing her family again, and almost dying in a fight with a robot. He's why her fiance wants nothing to do with her(not defending Galaxar or anything for this cuz he did a lot of horrible shit but he really did her a solid by derailing her life cuz as i've stated before, Derek would have ruined her life in the long term if all this never happened to her).

Galaxar is all smug during this.

"You destroyed San Fransisco, you terrified millions of people, you killed my friend, just to get to me??" - My poor girl really out here still putting other people before her and caring more about them than herself...

Galaxar is so sure he's got the upperhand, so sure he's safe from her becuase of that forcefeild. But nah, Susan is fucking LIVID now and breaks through that forcefeild.

She proceeds to break through every barrier Galaxar puts between himself and her becuase she's learned just how imposing her power is now. She's chases after him through the ship like "I'M GOING TO FUCKING KICK YOUR ASS!!!" and Galaxar is actually genuinly scared of her as he's fleeing.

LIKE YES QUEEN!!!! GET HIS ASS!!! KILL THE BLUE FUCK!!!!

And because we still got a fair amount of run time to go, and because we still need our protagonist to struggle a bit, Galaxar manages to trap Susan in the extraction chamber just as she's about to get him. She's still glaring absolute daggers at him through the glass though. He looks back at her, smug expression returning. She then slams her hands into the glass and it STARTS TO CRACK!!! Galaxar is getting scared again and jumps back but he also commands the computer to begin the extraction process.

Susan is determined to break out and get to the person responsible for everything that has happened to her in the past month, but as the Quantonium is removed from her body, her pounds on the glass get weaker and weaker and soon she's no longer cracking the glass. Her now much smaller hand weakly presses against the glass one last time before the chamber retracts and she's left lying there back at her original size.

And even after all that, and even though Galaxar now towers over in instead of the other way around, she still meets his gaze with her own determined glare.

Side note, I know it's supposed to be a joke and all but im really curious about why exactly Galaxar came to the conclusion of destorying his whole fucking planet.

Also,

"There were innocent people on my home planet before it was destroyed!"

"Well I'm sorry your planet was destroyed..." "Oh don't be. I was the one who destoryed it" - Idk this whole exchange is just really clever to me. Like talk about speedrunning the whole trying to sympathsize with the villain and then discovering they really are just a bad person trope LMAO.

Another big skip,

Link is still mourning Insectosaurus, and both Bob and Dr. Cockroach are unsure what to do. Link takes the intiative right then and there.

"We're not gonna let Insecto die in vain. We're gonna get up there, find Susan, and we're gonna take that alien down!" - HELL YEAH BRO!!!

Skip skip, they get onto the ship, they find Susan(Galaxar was going to throw her into the incenerator. As a pyrophobe, WHAT a horrible way to go out wow), Bob fucking murders somone,

"I can't believe you guys actually came for me ;-;" "Us monsters gotta stick together" - Like holy shit that's so adorable.

Poor Susan isn't sure if she can even call herself one of them anymore becuase she's small again :( (Only thing different is that her hair is still white)

Dr. Cockroach assures her she's still awesome.

Skip again,

Big epic fight scene. Link actually gets to do shit this time and isn't unconscious.

They set the ship to self destruct and the doors to the chamber begin to shut. The gang rushes to reach the doors before they close all the way. They manage to get Susan through the doors right before they shut but the trio isn't so lucky.

The trio urges Susan to leave without them but she doesn't want to.

"You can finally get your old life back..."

"But I don't want me old life back!" - SHE DOESN'T WANNA ABANDON HER FOUND FAM FR!!! She finds a way up to the control chamber where Galaxar is priming the escape pod and intending to leave with the Quantonium.

"Are you crazy?? You could've killed me!" "Then we understand eachother." - fuckin baller line.

Susan demands for him to open up the doors and release her friends but he's like "lmao make me" and then when he goes to climb into the escape pod, she stops him and they have a scuffle that ends with her holding him at gun point like "You better fuckin do it right fucking now buddy!"

"Even if I wanted to I couldn't! That's what happens when you set the ship to selfdestruct!! Now we're all going to die! And there's nothing you can do about it! Sooooooooosan." <- says her name in a very mocking tone.

And Susan is like "Actually I can do something about it" "And the name is Ginormica" *points the gun up and shoots it at the thing holding the Quantonium so it falls on her* - FUCKING BAD ASS!!!!

So Susan is big again, she saves her friends just in time, She jumps off the small platform they were huddled on just as a peice of the ship comes down on top of it, smashing through the floor of the ship. The four of them grab onto eachother and dangle thousands of feet above the ground, Susan clinging on for dear life to the bottom of the ship.

She loses her grip and they all start to fall but they're caught by somone.

Turns out Insectosaurus isn't dead!! He's a butterfly now!!!!!

They all fly away to safety just as the ship's automated computer voice counts down.

Galaxar is frantically pushing buttons on the control panel since the escape pod doesn't work without the Quantonium. He covers his ears and squeezes his eyes shut as the countdown ends.

"Three, two, one."

.................

*distant bird call*

"Hmm, nothing happened, maybe my count wa-" *ship explodes* - This part had me DYINGGGG the first time I saw this movie.

Butterflyosaurus lands before a crowd of cheering people.

Susan's parents are all proud of her.

"Oh Susan, ever since you were a maybe, your dad and I knew that you'd... you know, save the planet from an invasion from outterspace" - Can we talk about how fucking weird this must've been for them??? Like yeah it was scary for Susan, but imagine how her parents must be feeling; like their only child started growing into a giant at her wedding and then she was taken away from them to some place unknown and they didn't hear anything from her after that(bet you the government deleted her birth info and denied she ever existed and was straight up gaslighting them into believing they never had a daughter.) until suddenly their duaghter is on the news becuase she fought a giant alien robot and I wonder if they knew she almost DIED doing it.

Derek shows up then, makes a shitty attempt at apologizing to her- no wait he DOESN'T say he's sorry, nah he doesn't hold himself in the wrong. This fucker.

"Baby I thought long and hard about what I said, and I wanted you to know, I forgive you." "... You forgive... me?" Susan is visibily perplexed at this.

"Yes it's not your fault you got hit by a meteor and ruined everything. In fact you didn't ruin everything. I just got a call from New York. They offered me network! All I gotta do is get an exclusive interview from you!" - Yes, he's only "forgiving her" cuz it benifits him. I cannot believe I saw people in the comments of a video about MvA saying she should've forgave him like ya'll are fucking stupid.

So Susan is like "Oh wow reallY?!?!?! Cool! Hey is the camera still rolling?" And Derek, unaware he's fucked up, says "Of course lol!" So Susan proceeds to break up with him on live television and then flick him up into the air. She also tells Bob to catch him so he doesn't splat onto the pavement.

Bob then tells him off for being a selfish asshole and Derek, now humiliated, tells them to shut the camera off.

and honestly??? FUCKING DESERVED!!! Hope that clip becomes immortalized as a meme and you are forever branded as the idiot who icon monster celebrity Susan Murphy broke up with on live television. also 100% convinced that the group of people on the internet who have a huge thing for giant women hate Derek for turning down having a supersized wife like all of them would KILL for that COME ON BRO!!!!

A slug apparently got turned into a Kaiju in Paris so the gang all fly off into the sunset to go deal with that and the movie ends~ LIKE HELL YEAH SUSAN YOU FINALLY GET TO GO TO PARIS YEAH!!! After all the shit she's been through she deserves at least that.

There's a fair amount of things I didn't mention but I think that if anyone reading this hasn't seen Monsters vs Aliens before, or hasn't seen it in a while, you should give it a watch again/for the first time. You don't HAVE to, but I recommend.

Maybe some of the jokes aged poorly, maybe some of the humor is kind of childish and unfunny, maybe its full of outdated "HEY LOOK THIS MOVIE WAS IN 3D!!!" bits, but I fucking love this movie ok???!?!?!?!?!

It's in no way perfect and in no way one of Dreamworks best films ever but I feel like it isn't necessarily one of their worst ones either.

#monsters vs aliens #dreamworks #susan murphy #the missing link #dr cockroach #bob #insectosaurus #galaxar #this isn't my new hyperfixation i just had some thoughts I wanted to get out #a LOT of thoughts I wanted to get out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#might reblog some MvA art later tho #little me kind of hyperfixated on it ngl #went through a phase where I obsessed over all the main characters #kept switching faves and all #Link was def by far young me's all time fave #and fr he's so gender

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nimmee · 1 year

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I have been having Nanamin brain rot for last few days. Okay I couldn't stop all these ideas are absolutely overwhelming me so here we go with part 3 of Nanamin Kento headcanons

Continued from part 2

25. His mother and his maternal grandfather taught him to cook. Let's talk Bread making, baking and all things sweet, he has been making bread since he was 10. His mom owned a pastry shop because she loved baking and he helped around as he grew up. Also he took up cooking classes in high school (that being jujustsu tech, they do provide with more normal forms of education because well, they do train kids for jujustsu sorcery but kids need real life skills too. ), for two reasons he loved cooking and to distract himself from the terrible stress and grief of losing Yu and then Geto.

26. Geto scouted both Yu and Nanamin, even though Geto was too young, yet sometimes Geto, Gojo, Shoko or Utahime would go with principal Yaga to scout kids. Although Geto turned all Conservative after his identity crisis he still absolutely believed in protecting and training sorcerer kids to control their negetive emotions especially those who come from non sorcerer families. The reason being most of those kids would have been labelled schizophrenic or druggies by general public if they weren't properly trained or informed about their shaman powers. Also explains why he lost it when he saw those two little girls abused to the point of death. Geto always liked Nanamin as a junior. He had a soft corner in his heart for Nanamin. (would write more about Geto's pov when I write his head canons)

27. Nanami catches cold easily. And list of his sick food is pretty short. His sick food list includes chicken stew with butter rice with some crushed black pepper. Congi. Tomatoe soup and toast. Cauliflower soup with some macaroni and cheese in it (not in obnoxious amount just the right amount) . Chicken noodle soup. (just imagine : Nanamin wrapped in a fluffy blanket sitting under a kotatsu with a bowl of chicken noodle soup on the table while his comfort movie plays. His hair tousled. Him in his comfiest pjs. *sighs in Cuteness * this man needs a warm hug)

28. He can forge his own knives. His paternal grandfather forged all kinds of knives, from katanas to wood carving knives. He taught a teenage Kento to forge knives. Later he learnt to imbue cursed energy into his knives when he came to jujustsu tech. The blade he uses is handmade by him.

29. The tie he wears was handmade by his maternal grandmother. She was a very skilled seamstress. She had made him two leopard print ties, a small one because he was 7 years old, and a adult sized tie if he wanted to wear it later. Why leopard print you ask, Nanamin loved leopards as a child, that's why.

30. Kento is a man of many interests. Some interests have already been disclosed but this one might seem over the top cliche. He has a knack for photography. It makes sense because photography deals a lot with ratio and given his cursed technique he naturally understands prepectives and angles. Gojo being Gojo, exploits this quality of Nanamin to its fullest, even annoyed Nanamin complies. Half of the Instagram post on Gojo's account are taken by Nanamin. Also his knack for architecture came in handy too. Also...Bonsai ? Yes he loves the idea but hasn't yet come around to practice it.

Bonus : 31. Kento doesn't have a type when it comes to dating. He believes it's pretty spontaneous and doesn't always has to have a set in stone rules to fall in love. As long as they can work together and are compatible he's absolutely satisfied.

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ronance4everbrainrot · 2 years

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So again, the lovely person that is Corgi (didn't want to bother them with the @ it's in the last one) has commented on the last post. They have again, come up with an amazing plot line for the

Murray adopting Robin AU

"the Steve and Robin fight to make it more angsty have it closer to season 4 and have the fight to be about Nancy, Robin starts crushing a little on Nancy after season 3 and since she's a part of the party she's hung out with Nancy (their first hang out was an accident but they grew to like each other's company), Steve starts to talk to Robin about how he still likes Nancy and starts to distance himself a little from Robin after finding out Nancy thinks they're dating Robin gets hurt by this and confronts Steve which ends poorly with the two of them screaming at each other which causes Robin to get overwhelmed so she leaves, then she gets into a fight with her mother leaving her without a house to live in and she lost her best friend too, so she goes to Murray"

So last time I wrote a short story of how they met in a normal situation/bonded (Murray and Robin) and then I also thought about Robin having a fight with Steve so she can't go to him after being kicked out (which yes, love angst)

So then Corgi suggest the fight would be about Nancy (which fits perfectly) because Steve was avoiding Robin to show Nancy that they aren't dating.

Right now I want to write how Nancy and Robin accidentally hung out (or smth)

✨✨✨

Pov Nancy

Nancy and Jonathan broke up (it was mutual but still hurt) she's has not yet cried about it 'the calm before the storm' dare she say. She was watching a movie with Steve, Robin and the kids 'no Jonathan, guess he's avoiding me...is it bad that I'm happy he's not here rn?' she thinks and feels guilty. She silently watched the movie and tried to distracted herself, stupidly enough there is a scene about a couple (who are breaking up or just acting the way Jancy acted idk) which hit too close to home for Nancy and she doesn't know what happened, but something snapped inside her and she jumps up from the spot she was sitting in.

She had been sitting on the couch with Steve and Robin, who are cuddling... They never mentioned if they were dating, but she never dared to ask. She was too scared of the answer and now terrified since her break up. She think it's because she has feelings for Steve [but well she doesn't know that she kinda was attracted to Robin, which Murray helps her with...idk when tho] but she wouldn't be a home wrecker. Even though she hated Robin, or well hate is a strong word, more like Robin irritates her and makes her feel weird and she doesn't like it.

Pov Robin

They were watching a Horror movie, which means Steve was cuddling her for comfort (she would be lying if she said it didn't give her comfort too but she isn't as scared as him) rn now to there was a chill scene about a couple. Robin saw movements in the corner of her eye (she is surprised that she noticed, she actually like the movie this time, but also she kinda knew why she noticed) and saw Nancy who stared at the screen just a bit before storming upstairs.

The kids didn't notice, too focused on the movie, Steve however saw it too (and she starts to feel guilty), He did say he wasn't in love with Nancy anymore but the looks he gave her when Jonathan was around...she doesn't want to think about it. She looks at Steve as he wanted to get up and follow Nancy, but she stopped him..she doesn't know why (she does) but she couldn't let him and Nancy he alone. "I can go after her" she said quietly so she doesn't disturb the kids. Steve looks unsure at first but then let's her go. She left with a "if you're scared you can cuddle with Dustin" and smirked while seeing him get embarrassed and annoyed.

Robin went upstairs and went to the kitchen first 'maybe she just wanted to get snacks' and she saw that it were only the adults chatting their. She greeted them with a genuine smile. She liked them. Karen and Joyce are the best and so nice (like a 180 of her own mom). Murray wasn't in the kitchen rn, but he was here. Robin also really liked him, they had a lot in common.

She left the kitchen after not finding Nancy, saying that she had to go to the bathroom. (which know that she thinks about it, wasn't a lie) While walking to the bathroom, she went past Nancy's door and she swore she heard a sob 'shit..' she panicked a little. You see, Robin wasn't the best at comforting People, well people she wasn't close to, so she isn't sure if she should just leave or try and talk to Nancy.

She decided to knock on the door and asked "Uh-..E-everything okay in there?" 'why the fuck did I have to stutter' "Go away" she heard Nancy say "Are you sure? I mean, of course I can just go because I'm actually not really good at comforting people, well at least people I'm not close to, so I am good at comforting Steve, but I can totally just leave, I mean I don't even know why I tried, we don't know each other that well, but you seemed upset when you left and I just decided to follow you and see if you maybe just decided to get snacks, which you didn't, and then I realized I need to go to the bathroom, so that's when- "

She got cut off by the door opening and an annoyed Nancy, with red puffy eyes, looking at her.

✨✨✨

[Idk what to write after that]

But basically Nancy at first said she didn't like her but Robin still somehow got to stay in her room (she was trying not to annoy her even more after the rambling but she really wanted to look at all the things she had, like in S4)

So Robin somehow made her feel better (she did say that her and Jonathan broke up, which definitely didn't almost make Robin smile) and then Nancy realizes Robin isn't as bad as she thought she'd be, so they had a sleepover and shared a bed (with Robin trying to offer to sleep on the floor).

After that they didn't really hang out alone, but they got closer.

(now how Steve found out that Nancy thought they were dating)

✨✨✨

One time Nancy and Steve were standing next to each other watching the others play something outside (Robin was also there, playing) and Nancy made a comments along the lines of "I'm happy you found someone like her" (indicating that she thought they were dating) because she saw how fondly he was looking at Robin playing with the kids (basically his kids) [But she will steal Max.. And maybe will.. Also Lucas and Erica]

And then Nancy left him standing there alone before he could say that they aren't dating. And he started to get kinda frustrated and a bit panicked (or smth) that Nancy thinks they're dating, which isn't his normal reaction when someone thinks they're dating (normally he'd be kinda annoyed but also laugh about it) [or idk, but he doesn't react as panicked]. He thought he was over Nancy, but why would he be panicked about Nancy thinking they are dating.

✨✨✨

So ye, the same time he finds out Nancy thought they are dating, was also the same time he realizes he still likes her.

So um Nancy does feel jealous over their relationship (actually friendship), but not because of Steve (which she thinks),but because of Robin (obviously)

Since Steve was distancing himself from Robin to show that they aren't dating (Robin has no idea why, and also doesn't know that Nancy think they are dating).

Nancy also kinda noticed and thought they had a fight and tried to help Steve, who she's closer to (even tho it's kinda awkward) to talk to Robin so they can fix there relationship.

Steve tried to tell her they weren't dating, but she thought he just says it because of the fight. Also Steve doesn't know about the Jancy break up, so he doesn't flirt that much.

Also it hurts Nancy trying to get them back together (she thinks it's because she wants Steve but still nope)

Um..idk what else to say or how Steve avoiding Robin while affect the others, but well Robin definitely distances herself from the party because she's hurt about the Steve situation. He does act normal when they are alone, but even it it's just on of the kids now, he acts different.

So I didn't write a fighting scene. Firstly, I am too tired and secondly, I'm too lazy. (Maybe next time)

So rn the only thing missing is when all this happens, I mean yes, the fight closer to S4

So since the Byers moving was in 3 months after the Starcourt thing

Let's say 1 month or so they all kinda just tried to come to terms with things and Steve and Robin bonding with Robin staying at Steve's a lot, mostly because of nightmares but also because of her mother but she hasn't yet told Steve about her mom (Idk yet how bad she should be but definitely Homophobic and also telling her she's weird and has flaws like she mentioned in the library) so that is like in that 1 month time line.

In the 2nd month Joyce announced that they will be moving in the next month (the 3rd month of the 3) so that's when they started making the movie nights together and all that happend.

they have like 3 movie nights in a week

And in the second week is when Murray and her bond.

And in the third week is when Jancy breaks up (not on a movie night but the day before maybe) and Ronance bonding.

Now is where I am not sure when the timing should be. The 'Steve finding out Nancy thinks they're dating' thing. After the Byers moving? (probably?) but also Nancy still hasn't told anyone about the break up so he still doesn't know. Jonathan and Nancy did mend their friendship and kinda act like Steve and Robin (jancy as Besties). So they do call each other a lot. That's why most people think they are still dating.

But I think the avoiding think should be 2 weeks or smth (like the first week it's just when Nancy is around, but Robin didn't really think anything of it (weird, because she overthinks everything) but the second week it's more obvious and even around just the kids and also the same week is when Robin distances herself from the party, which means she has to spend more time in her own house with her mom. And it is as unpleasant as it sounds.

So the fight would be closer to season 4... so I'd say January, it's cold and a good time to get kicked out 👍 so the avoiding think happens like 2-3 weeks before the fight (idk) so Steve trying to get back with Nancy is like 3 weeks or smth before that. But idk. It's just and idea rn.

✨✨

hope that kinda made sense, also idk how fare apart those situations are, and idk if some things can be handled differently, but I hope you liked it. Also again thanks to Corgi (would it be ok if I @ you in these things?, just wanna make sure so not to bother you) we are basically co-operating (or idk) this AU.

Lots of love ✨❤️🙌

And I'd love to hear suggestions ✨

#long post #robin buckley #murray bauman #nancy wheeler #ronance #stranger things #steve harrington #idk what else to tag #Murray adopting Robin

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witchwitha-b · 2 years

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So another try to get this part of the collaboration with @paigenoelchas-blog and other writers to upload 😮‍💨 Maybe this time it will work, if it worked the parts are split! I know it's annoying and I wanted to do it completely but there seems to be no other way😑 I got inspired by movies like Pride and Prejudice, little women and musicals like Hamilton and Cyrano for this part! I hope this works 🙏

I hope you like it! Have a great day<3

PS: I listened to a playlist while writing to get me in the mood 😅 I will link it for you on the other part.

PPS : if this works thanks for the help @x3kristax3

Dusty Rooms and Poetry (somewhere in America 1840)

Hospital - Jake

I'm walking through the white room, restless as I watch her still sleeping figure in the bed. She looks so small in it, as if she could shatter into a million pieces any second. My skin itches just to think about her never waking up again, my head hurts I should stop thinking altogether. My phone rings constantly, it's mostly Lilly and Hannah worrying about me and her, sometimes the other try to contact me as well but I just can't stand to text them. Not yet. Not right now. I shut off my phone and throw it back onto the small night stand beside her bed. I'm restless but tired, I'm nauseous but hungry, I'm dehydrated but I'm still crying somehow. I sit down on the chair that became like a second bed to me, like support when my legs failed to do so. Her hand is warm but it's not enough, I brush away her hair, put a little streak behind her ear and caress her soft cheek. "Hey there, my love." I say and do something that I started since we arrived here but never did before. I pray and hope to whoever might hear that she can feel and hear what I do and say. "I remembered that one movie you forced me to watch with you. And I know that I looked bored but I actually really enjoyed it and I enjoyed how much you fell in love with it. Like I fell in love with you. And I couldn't stand to see you cry because of the ending but I guess I have to get used to it, right? You are a emotional person and I love this passion about you. I remembered the movie because I was thinking too much again then I started to have this poem in my head. Maybe I write it down, read it to you. I'm sure you would love it."

I would love to hear your poem... It makes me happy... I think before I slip into another unwanted but needed sleep

Somewhere in America 1840

"MC wake up! Wake up!" I open my eyes and at that exact moment my Amme opens the heavy curtains of my room. Light floods every corner and I close my eyes once more to not become too overwhelmed. "Come on get up my lovely child. You have a big day today." I open one eye and look at her. " Big day?" She takes my arms softly and drags me into a sitting position, her brown eyes wide with shock. "Have you forgotten already? You are going to meet the bankers son!" I roll my eyes and push away the duvet. "What if I don't love him? You know what the people say...he is bizarre." My Amme pushes me off the bed and drags me over to the bathroom, sits me down onto a chair and begins to clean my face and body with a wet cloth. Her rosé dress swings carefully with her movements and the white bonnet is secure around her head. "Since when do you care about the talk of the people? And apart from that even if he is as bizarre as the people say, he can provide for you. Give you a good life, my sweet child." I close my eyes against the cold, wet cloth in my face which does not keep me from speaking. "I'm frightened, Amme. Frightened that I will not love him." She stops for a second. "My dear....children need love. Adults need a secure future and women need a safe, provided life. There is no need to fear as long as you have one of those things. Now let's get you dressed, my dear." We stand up and walk back into the bedroom. She began to dress me for the day, starting with my undergarments and the corset, then the under petticoat, the crinoline and then the over petticoat. Next came the camisole and we finished everything with the dress and the shoes. It was pale yellow with black features, I did not pick it out but I loved it immediately and was very grateful to have my Amme. " Now let's eat and then he will arrive." Amme starts to rush towards the door but I stop her halfway through. "I don't think I can swallow a thing, my dearest Amme." Her brown eyes look back at me and I know exactly what they say. "You will still try, Catalina put a lot of effort into your food as she always does." I huff quietly before I nod and join her.

#duskwood #jake x mc #jake duskwood #mc duskwood #dan duskwood #duskwood richy #jessy duskwood #lilly duskwood #thomas duskwood #cleo duskwood #hannah duskwood #collaboration #paigenoelchas-blog #duskwood fanfiction #fanfic

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having-conniptions · 10 months

Text

KinnPorsche ep 13 Rewatch Rambles:

The op always gets me so pumped

OH HOLD ON OH FUCK I NEED TO PAUSE 1 SECOND INTO THE EPISODE BECAUSE I KNOW VEGAS IS ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING THAT MADE ME HAVE TO PAUSE 5 SECONDS INTO THE EPISODE THE FIRST TIME AROUND BC I NEEDED TO COLLECT MYSELF

I AM NOT READY

SO I'LL JUST BE STARING AT VEGAS AND PETE HOLDING HANDS AND LOOKING SOFT AND PRETTY

Also I wanna know when and how Vegas put the one handcuff back on Pete's wrist I NEED TO KNOW

"Do you know how sexy you are?" WELL VEGAS DO YOU KNOW? BECAUSE AAAAAAAAAA *yeets myself into the sun*

And Vegas' thumb gently stroking Pete's palm?? why is the most unhinged couple also the most sensual and soft one I am going to flip

Vegas honey you're still a freak

The way he looks at Pete, the way he smiles at him... 😭❤️

Omg the "lunch with dad" scene aaaahhh the awkwardness

Also the lack of communication between Kinn and Porsche YET AGAIN

VEGAS COOKING FOR PETE AND HAVING HIS INGREDIENTS PREPPED AND READY TO GO LIKE THE WIFEY THAT HE IS

AND HE LOOKS SO HAPPY WHILE DOING IT 😭❤️ and the food looks sooooo good

Sorry I'll be very annoying about VP in this ep

Homophobic Dad™️ interrupts yet again and Vegas goes straight back to hurt little boy mode (but with a touch of sass this time)

Kinn trying to communicate but being unable to do so without flirting is so on-brand

Side note: Porsche bounces his leg when he's stressed

TALK TO EACH OTHER

Nooooo I can't go through the VP drama again

When Vegas sits down next to Pete and they look at each other you can tell something has changed for both of them. Something has shifted. Holy fuck this hurts

Vegas trying soooo hard not to lose it in front of Pete even though it wouldn't be the first time, the shift in their dynamic and Vegas' fear of vulnerability making him overcompensate with anger and violence, Pete switching from "hopeful" to "just fucking kill me" because all he really wants is to get out of there, with or without Vegas, dead or alive, he's confused, he's overwhelmed, he's hurt, he's ashamed, WILL THIS COUPLE EVER STOP MAKING ME INSANE? NO

Again Tankhun is the only one with at least one braincell

VEGAS' FACE WHEN PETE SAYS "NOT EVEN MY HUMANITY" HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S ABOUT TO PASS OUT HE REALIZED WHAT HE'S DONE AND AS SOON AS PETE STARTS WITH THE SELF-HATE VEGAS IS SCARED OUT OF HIS MIND HE IS SO SCARED TO HURT HIM EVEN MORE SO SCARED TO LOSE HIM

The harder you hold on to something the more it slips away huh

The way Pete gingerly touches Vegas' face one last time before apologizing and knocking him out I AM GOING INSANE

Khun's funeral outfit kinda slays

If I fully believed Pete was dead I'd cry like that too

Porsche hiding behind Kinn's back by climbing him like a tree will never not be funny

This show switches between angst and comedy so effortlessly istg

Speaking of which, back to angst.

"Tell me who did it, I'll handle it right away" oooooh but Pete doesn't want that does he

"Please believe me. I'm asking you" 😭😭😭 basically please stop asking bc I don't know how much longer I can hold it together if I have to keep lying to you

Kim come on wtf did you expect

THE POLAROIDS 😭 they were together for longer than the show made it look like huh?

Kim fucked up but still it hurts to see him cry

And then it cuts to Vegas sitting alone in front of TWO (2) plates with rice and several bowls of toppings

AND THE WHOLE TIME THE BREAKUP SONG IS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND

And Vegas is crying into his rice and Pete is crying into his noodles and I am suddenly obsessed with Pete's hands

PORSCHE! TALK TO KINN YOU IDIOT

Pete looks so good wearing jewelry aaaaa and that shirt (I want it) he's so pretty wtf

"And this is for Pete." Porsche is literally bestie goals I fucking love him

"I was blinded by the adults" newsflash Vegas you're an adult too

"SHOOT ME!" whyyyy does VegasPete have to hurt so fucking much

Pete ugly sobbing into Vegas' shoulder was so fucking raw

Porsche knows Kinn's schedule by heart awww

Kinn "meeting" Porsche's parents and immediately shit-talking Porsche hahahahahah

SAPPY KINN AND FLUSTERED PORSCHE 😭❤️

Oh I almost forgot about the balcony pool scene

I can NOT see this scene the same way ever since I noticed the huge "Deutsche Bank" sign in the background it's too distracting 😂

The way Porsche softly caresses Kinn's face while he sleeps and then gets interrupted by a text from Vegas 😭

Kim is worried 👀

Scumbag uncle is still a scumbag but at least he was telling the truth

Wish we could have explored the Vegas & Porsche vs Kinn & Pete dynamic more tbh u know just for the angst

Someone gotta tune that piano

Not Korn having Porsche believe he's Kinn's cousin for a hot second

#ooof its a long one #and mainly vegaspete #sorry not sorry #kinnporsche ep 13 #kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche rewatch

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ophelia-writes-poems · 10 months

Text

I saw a post with bugs A little rolly polly I thought of you instantly But you don't want to hear from me

I want to send it to you 3 days ago i would've But things have changed I've changed them

I wish I could explain myself I wish i could lay it all out Walk you through my mental state And my thought patterns

But you need space And distance And to push you more Would drive you further away

I could blame it all on Sage I wouldn't even be wrong to If you really look at it It is their fault

It is his fault But i'm not angry I hold some fault too I still did it

I am a coward I said i was unsure But it told me it would all work out And I believed them

I wish I hadn't done that I wish I had been an adult I wish I wasn't so afraid Of rejection

It's funny, isn't it? How we got here I was so scared a being pushed away I made you hate me

I was so worried that you would never love me Near as much as I loved you And lookie here Now you hate me

And I deserve it I deserve it all I should've just talked through it I want to go back

But I can't I pray to G-d for forgiveness Knowing damn well he cannot give it I have done nothing to him

And yet what else I can do? I sit and cry And I pray And I walk

I try to shut the thoughts away But my overactive brain Cannot focus on anything else Even If i wanted it to

I can't eat I can't sleep I can hardly breathe My guilt is overwhelming

That's just all isn't it? Guilt? How can such a small word Hold such a strong emotion

You say you cannot feel regret I am not like you I regret everything all the time Even the day I was born

Yes I regret deeply I feel nothing but guilt My emotions are overwhelming I just want them to stop

But they can't And they won't Until either I no longer care for you Or you decide I can be forgiven

Can I be forgiven? Do I deserve it? Of course not I always want things I cannot have

And yet I pray I pray so much G-d must be annoyed But what else am I to do? Where else can I seek comfort

I believe he blessed me today He gave me a chance for labor And so despite how difficult it was I found joy

No, not joy I found relief In the company of weeds And strangers

I wish they would meet again Tomorrow or the day after But It'll be two weeks Before I can meet them again

I will mow the lawn today Or maybe tomorrow And I hope that my mind will not wonder It's way over to you

Who am I kidding? Myself? The dear reader? My mind cannot go anywhere else No matter how I beg

And yet I hope I don't even realize usually That i'm thinking of you at all It's so natural

My understanding of tone is limited I have my brain to blame for that But the tone I find in your words Is hateful and mean

And I deserve that I've hurt you terribly I wish your words weren't for me I wish I was an observer

Please G-d let them forgive me Let me learn and grow and thrive Please don't let them become a lesson Give me a second chance

Let this become a funny story That we tell to new friends Let it be silly lore That we can choose to drop

G-d give them understanding Give them kindness And direct them to give it to me Even though I didn't deserve this

I have no moral authority But if i were them this would be a test Could I maintain my beliefs? Could I practice what I preach?

I believe I could I can't tell how bad this infraction is I have no sense of scale Is this denial?

But it doesn't seem that bad really I've forgiven people for worse And so haven't you? But maybe we all deserve better

If this had happened to __ How would I feel? Objectivity I believe Will prove helpful here

Take myself out of it Place someone else in my shoes Is this crime forgivable? Even in my own mind?

I cannot switch our roles I cannot run a simulation Where this situation occurs If I do

If I were __ in that situation My words would've been kinder My experience shines through here What can I possibly do?

Okay new situation _____ is telling me about This situation her friend is in What do I think?

Her friend was feeling uncared for And one of her friends got real dramatic with it He left the groupchat with no warning And everyone dropped everything

_____'s friend watched her friends Skert their hangout to a complete hault To comfort their friend During his moment of need

______'s friend was feeling uncared for Her brain was being mean to her She cannot ask for reassurance Because she'll be sure it's fake

So she has an idea "What if i go crazy And leave the groupchat?" She thinks

She talks herself out of it She should communicate her feelings But her dearest brother Convinced her otherwise

She knew she was in a bad mental state So she defaulted to him And he said it would work out So it must be true

And she took his advice And defaulted to his judgement All the way through To the other side

She realized half way through she fucked up She apologized the same night Her friends were red hot angry And did not respond

One eventually did Saying they all need space That she needed to be gentle with herself But his tone was mean

That sounds forgivable I think Right? Am I deluding myself? I sure hope not

I am going to choose to believe That they're only so angry Because they're filtering all this through The lens of their traumas

Anybody else Wouldn't be so upset But other people Haven't been abused

I can be forgiven And If I'm not i'm sure I'll be okay I have people who care about me Other than them

G-d thank you for poetry Thank you for the gift of words Thank you for reasoning And thank you for understanding

#self loathing tag #jew tag #buckle arc #snail arc #(so funny that this is a crossover)#growing up #grief tag #poetry

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pacifymebby · 2 years

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Hey girlie I’m once again back for advice. I’m trying to gauge what is an appropriate amount of interaction with my guy and it’s like so hard. I don’t want to annoy him or be overbearing. Cause like he’s obviously got a job and shit to do and a life outside of seeing me and talking to me. And considering we’ve only just started seeing each other I don’t want to be overly clingy. But also seeing as this is my first time I guess “dating” (idk what you would call it we haven’t called it anything yet) I’m like wow this is all so new and exciting and I’m feeling so small and needy :(. I feel so pathetic just waiting around for it to be the weekend again so I can see him again. How do you deal with feeling lonely or needy when you can’t see B? I just don’t know if I feel comfortable saying to him that I miss him or I miss kissing him or something. - age gap crush anon ❤️

Hey I'm sorry my replies have been a wee bit slow I've had work and been like overwhelmed by life haha. Also B left mine yesterday morning and I just got so depressed because (convenient for this ask) I missed him haha.

I think like, message back and forth and don't feel too weird about the occasional double message. And again just remember that all these new love giddy feelings you're getting, he's getting them too. Like men do experience the same dopamine rush that we do, they just don't express it the same way we do. Know that if you're missing him he's probably missing you too.

Something I noticed with B is that he didn't start to express his feelings of missing me until I admitted that I missed him and didn't like not getting to see him.

And like you can totally make a joke of it too, I make self deprecating "lol I'm sorry I'm so needy" jokes all the time haha.

Idk though, I wouldn't worry too much about coming across as overbearing or whatever, I think as well like, adults don't do the whole "I have to leave it an hour before I reply to them or they will think I'm too keen" thing, they just reply to eachother when they have time idk. Like I message B way more than he messages me, and I'll double and sometimes triple message all the time because I know he's not ignoring me, he's just been busy.

I don't feel like this is actually solid easy to follow advice so sorry about that, I kinda have to go off vibes when I'm sending him messages, and sometimes he will take like 24 hours to two days to reply to me, but like when he does I can tell he obvs doesn't think I'm being too needy or too much.

And omg unfortunately in terms of coping with missing him I don't even know, you may have noticed from my tumblr posts but when I don't get to see B for a few days I spiral hahaha.

No idk, I try to just motivate myself with focusing on when I'll next see him, or just finding tasks that I need to do to distract myself like writing. I watch pride and prejudice and lost in translation a lot bc they are my comfort films and they give me like that childish cuddly feeling.

Also me and B phone in the week between seeing eachother.

But for real, just distractions. Just work out what's best going to usefully occupy your mind and try to force yourself to be distracted. But also, like lean into the missing him and yearning becayse it's part of the joy of that beginning stsge tbh. Like let your mind wander and daydream about him, and remember the cute things he's said to you/done for you, like reimagine all the time u have spent together so far.

That's what I do, especially when I'm like, struggling to sleep without B.

Anyway I hope this helps and definitely just remember he's missing u too, he isn't going to think you're insane for missing him ❤️❤️

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willowlillysunnyday · 1 year

Text

what years of unmasking looks like

I, like many others during COVID-19, realised that something wasn’t quite right. I’d been struggling for years, trying to figure out what was going on with me mentally, having formal diagnoses of social anxiety and depression. But living by myself for three whole months, barely seeing anyone for such a long amount of time, really put things into perspective for me. If you, dear reader, by some miracle, haven’t experienced solitude as I and many others have, then allow me to take you on a journey of how I figured out that I have autism.

I was always the weird kid in school; I sat by myself, daydreamed in class, and had a too-specific interest in astronomy. Mrs Russell always gave me detention for zoning out in class, Thai would always tell me to go away once I got too annoying to hang out with her, and Aisha and Lauren would follow me around and call me a ‘lezbyund’. It’s like they all knew something I didn’t, and looking back on it now, they probably did. ‘Don’t do that,’ was a lesson I recalled too many times.

I suppressed as much of my behaviour as I could, learning what was and wasn’t acceptable to others with each passing year. I told no one of my obsessions with Minecraft and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, swallowed back any out-of-place thoughts threatening to bubble out, and kept myself at a distance from others lest the mask slip. And it did slip, on many occasions actually, and each time I’d feel the sting of awkward silences and the disturbed ‘Okayyyy’s. I even feel ashamed to remember keeping the mask up around my best friend, thinking that she, too, would reject me if she saw what I was really like.

(Rachel, you were silly, she’s just as cooky as you, and you literally live together now.)

Looking back on it now, school kids are assholes. Things change once you enter a more diverse, adult world; sexuality, gender expression, nationality, and disability. These, however, were all turbo-charged by the time COVID-19 hit its peak. Early 2021, I’m not only realising that I don’t feel like a girl, but all the learned behaviours I’d built up over the years were all starting to crumble. I’d have a set routine, I talked to myself often, and vocal and physical stims started to come out. While completely alone for three months, I also felt the freest. No one was around to tell me I was weird for chirping on the way to get snacks from the fridge, no one could look at me funny for rubbing at my nose when I got excited, and no one could judge me for how I chose to dress and do my makeup. I accumulated hyper focuses on Pokémon, Stardew Valley, Miraculous Ladybug, and then reawakened my obsession with Voltron from 2017. The mask was finally gone and I could be who I wanted to be; both in how I understood my gender but also where I was at mentally.

Fast forward two years, and I’ve been identifying as a genderqueer autistic since those three lonely months. As expected, the mask went up again once I moved to a new town, but there’s not a lot of pressure to keep it up as long. I learned quickly that my best friend, her boyfriend, and our old flatmate were all so similar, nothing was ever truly weird or annoying, and I never get a warning tingle of ‘don’t do that’ but I’ll admit some stims have yet to make an appearance. My current workplace is so accepting and supportive, even if I literally have a meltdown on shift but I’m glad that I feel safe enough there to do so. The old me would have bottled it up and let it get worse until I exploded.

(The first time I had a meltdown on shift, that was exactly what happened.)

I allow myself to feel upset when my routines are broken, I allow myself distance when I feel overwhelmed, and I allow those I’m close with to know what they can do to help. I would like to get a formal diagnosis; maybe someday when it’s more physically and financially accessible to do so. For now, I know my mind, I know how it works, I do my best to keep it in check where need be, and I know where I can let it run free. Since my rebirth two years ago, I’m different from the child who hid away behind a crude imitation of ‘normal’ to evade rejection. Sure, I still feel that sting, but who really gives a shit y’know?

#sunny speaks #autism #adhd #depression #social anxiety #article #journal #informal essay #about me #genderqueer #non-binary #LGBT #optimism #unmasking #masking

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 1 year

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Good evening. I'll just start. Since I was raised with a lot of emotional violence, I did a lot of deconstructing and rebuilding my values but also my reactions to certain things. How do I react when I am anxious and is this a good reaction or did it stick from my childhood? How do I think, talk about XY? And is that really my opinion, or my parents?

This took years and it was actually very funny and filled some books and I am far from being finished but I noticed something: it made me arrogant. I understand that people who didn't grew up with abuse and maybe trauma don't see the necessity in this for themselves but I believe everyone should do this a little bit, when they become adults.

I am very interested in sociology, but I lost a lot of my empathy. Sometimes you look at X-phobic people and you realize, some of these people don't have bad intentions, they are honestly, irrationally afraid and turn violent. Just an example. And I can't sympathise with them anymore. I just think "You should work on your fear and your reactions, as an grown adult you can't just simply hate what you fear!?"

Or my partner. He has suffered from abuse too and his reactions are always the same and never for todays-situation. Always for the abuse situation. And it starts to annoy me because, we are together for 5 years and I did all my rebuilding during this time, and he still reacts as if I was his abusive mom. Why doesn't he ever overthink his reactions? Why can't he just grow, but has to put me through this situation over and over, which leaves me hurt.

It is just not his style, he wouldn't like it and have fun with it, like I did. He needs a therapist and I need to be patient but that's becoming hard for me.

In both cases I sometimes think better about myself than the other one, because I don't (always) react like my instincts tell me or my parents taught me anymore. And I don't like that part of me. I only realise it afterwards and I can't bring myself to have compassion or patience. I feel like I have run out of patience with other people.

Any ideas, how I can get my patience back?

Hi anon,

First of all I'm sorry about what you've been through.

I hear you, it makes sense to struggle to sympathize with people who allow their fear to manifest into violence and oppressive behavior ("xphobic people"). It's simply logical to identify that those choices need reevaluation and work. but I think it's also important to remember that this can be hard for a lot of people, and unfortunately many people grow past that and take the leap towards self-work because it can be intimidating and overwhelming, as opposed to the layers of denial or comforting lies we tell ourselves that enable our destructive behavior.

But I think the situation is a bit different in context to your partner and how his history of abuse shapes his behavior and ability to cope. His trauma responses are not necessarily a choice. Healing also takes time, and it's possible that hes just not at a stage yet to grow beyond these things.

I think it can be useful to remember to have a more rehabilitative mindset rather than a punitive one. In other words, instead of looking at the situation through the red lens of frustration or perhaps even a level of negative reinforcement, it can be helpful to try on the green lens of patience and encouragement. It can also be effective to imagine how each of these lenses affect or change the outcome in terms of how your partner feels and/or heals.

But at the same time, to some degree, it's okay to run out of patience or compassion, because each of these qualities have a limited supply. I can apply this in terms to me providing patience, compassion, and emotional labor on this blog - I only have so much patience, compassion, and emotional labor before I have to take a break and recharge. That's okay. You can't have patience and compassion at all times.

Ultimately, please know that you don't have to stick around for someone's recovery. If the stage they're at is causing you harm, distress, or excessive frustration, consider that you're not obligated to stay.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw abuse #tw emotional abuse #tw child abuse

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crashtestdummy1003 · 1 year

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This is a shit ton of venting, pls scroll past (literally just need to yell this into the void)

I'm not afraid of meeting people. That was never an issue.

I'm afraid of them meeting me. I'm afraid they'll start to know things about me, my interests, my hobbies. And I'm afraid it won't be good enough. What if they just pretend to be okay with me?

I know I'm kind of annoying. And a little cringey. But thats fine, I've embraced the cringe and annoying parts of myself. But when I have to tell someone about something I really, genuinely care about, I always play it down. They can't know that I'm super invested in it because then they'll be able to ruin it for me.

I'm thinking about making a fursuit? No, I'm just a fan of the creativity.

I want to make animation my career someday? No, its just a hobby.

I have comfort characters that literally mean everything to me? No, I just like their designs.

Its worse with feelings. None of my friends know how much I don't tell them. Because if I do ill be that one person in the chat that brings the mood down, ill be the person that makes everything about them. The one that takes everything to heart.

I am so afraid of being myself that I genuinely don't know where the persona my friends see ends, and where the real me begins. I'm kind of terrified that maybe, I'm doing all of this for nothing. These things might not even matter to me on the future.

Even something stupid, (like my posts that are kind of down bad about fictional men, heh) whenever I share it with my friends I immedeitly regret it. I know when they say "Crash, nooo..." they're just joking, but hearing any kind of negative feedback makes my heart feel like somebody is squeezing it until it bursts.

I haven't had anything postive said towards me in a while. I don't want to fish for compliments from my friends, but id like them to notice things about me. My outfit, or my makeup, or even my fucking work. I try so hard with my schoolwork, with my hobbies, things that nobody even notices because I feel like if I go harder, if I do the best I can and outdo everyone else, then somebody will finally notice me. Somebody will say, "Hey, Crash, good job! You did well with that specific thing!"

Figure skating, swim team, drawing, academics, cleaning, work, I just want to be good at SOMETHING. But I feel the harder I try the more I get looked over. Now people only notice when I slip up, but when will they notice me working myself to death to try and stay at the top?

I want to cry, but if I cry then its not going to help anything, is it? I just want to go home, but I really don't know where that is. I am home right now, but I can't even feel safe with my feelings here. I live with people that make it impossible to feel anything without guilt seeping in.

I don't think im okay

And I'm scared. I'm so scared. I'm not even an adult yet, but I'm almost there. I'm so scared.

I want something, but I don't know what it is.

I want to cosplay, go to furry conventions and wear a fursuit!! I want to post my art and have it be seen!! I want to be HAPPY with myself for fucking once. I want to be able to take criticism without CRYING. I want to not feel guilty when I take space from my friends. I want my friends to treat me the way I can never ask them to.

I want more friends. I only have like 3 that would consider me friends back. Everyone else is too cool, too nice, too functional. Trying to talk to them is overwhelming. I WANT to, but if I say anything its never good enough. They don't say it, but I can feel it. And it hurts. I'm not good enough for them.

I want to be normal, I want to be nuerotypical and not be hylerfixated on FNAF and Mario and my own ocs.

I want to be able to clean my room and keep it that way, to be motivated.

I want to practice my craft and learn about myself as a pagan.

I want my parents to show me they love me

They say it, but i don't ever see them show it.

I want a hug.

I want to go home. I want somewhere to call home. My house is my home, but sometimes I don't feel safe. Its not abusive, my parents and siblings never hit me, its not abusive. But I don't feel like I can have my own emotions. I feel guilty. Everyone else is going through something, I'm just getting through highschool.

I'm so scared. I don't think im okay. And I don't know how to fix it. Can I fix it? Am i stuck? Im terrified that im going to feel lile this forever.

Im not suicidal and ive never hurt myself, but id do anything to make this stop. I want to stop existing for a bit. Not die, im scared of dying, but i just.. want to observe. Not feel anything. But i feel SO MUCH and i want it OUT of me. I just want it out and gone. I feel like im full of some kind of liquid, like im going to overflow. Heavy. My mouth is full of sand and my eyes and holding back gallons of emotions. My body is restless but i csnt get evough sleep for it.

I dont wsnt to say i hate myself. But i dont know how else to phrase it.

I dont know how to end this. I doubt anyone's read this far besides myself. Im not posting this for pity, or fame or whatever the fuck. I just CANNOT hold this in anymore. I really cant. Only one person whos ever known me irl follows me here, and he probably wont read this far. He probably wont read this at all, which is fine. Thats why the dni tag is here. I just want this post to drift through time, forever. I'll come back to it eventually, maybe

Or maybe ill delete it.

I feel a little better. Not much in the grande scheme of things, but i feel good enough to sleep, or at least rest without crying.

Goodnight, I guess. Im tired.

#vent #i dont think im okay #dni please #yelling into the void

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xyztrio721 · 2 years

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I apologize for the sudden vent post (?), but I just wanted to get something off of my chest.

I don’t want to be in college right now. My heart is not in my human biology class at all, and I think that’s having a negative impact on my academics. I’m constantly overwhelmed by the amount of information I have to learn from the lectures, I’m having difficulty finishing the labs I get each class, I get very stressed out about whether or not I can get my homework done on time, I’m having difficulty concentrating on reading the textbook and studying, I’m pretty sure I did poorly on my first test for the class, I have little to no confidence on how well I’ll do on the rests of the tests and the three lab practicals I have to do over the course of the class, and I keep forgetting that I have to make a PowerPoint presentation on a disease I’m interesting in researching. Overall, I am not doing so hot in this class. I want to drop out and take a break from college for maybe a year or so because I think these might be signs of burnout/a mental health disorder, but I’m afraid I might not be able do that.

There are a few reasons for this, one of the big ones being that I don’t know if my college will allow me to take a break for a year. I don’t know if I’ll be punished in terms of not receiving financial aid, being kicked out of the honor society I’m a part of (I’m a part of Phi Theta Kappa), falling behind on my degree (I have somewhere between 6-8 classes left until I graduate), or not being reaccepted once I come back. I don’t know if I have a good enough reason to take a break (I don’t think mental health issues are a good enough reason to leave college for a year, at least in the eyes of my college). I don’t know what I want to do during the break, though I do want to find a job, learn to drive (I failed my first driving test and will likely have to retake the permit knowledge test because my permit is about to expire in two months), and learn how to function like a normal person for once in my life (I’m terrified of people in general and don’t know how to converse with anyone, including my friends and parents). I just want to become an adult, which I should have done two years ago, but couldn’t because I’ve been so focused on school for two (almost three) years now and have not yet found a way to balance my life outside of school with my academic life.

Another big reason as to why I may not be able to take a break from college is my parents. My parents don’t seem to understand why school stresses me out so much, even if I only have one class this semester. I tried to talk to my dad about this, and he was pretty much annoyed with me for wanting to drop human biology before I even started the class, saying something along the lines of “It’s just one class. You can do this”. As you can imagine, this attitude does not help me in the slightest. If anything, it makes me feel worse, as I’ve been viewing myself as a coward who can’t even handle taking a single class during a single semester in college (which isn’t new, since I’ve felt like a coward for not being able to handle school from an emotional standpoint for years now) as of late. My mom likely feels the same way, which makes this whole situation even more infuriating.

Combined with the realization that my parents are not as supportive of me as I thought they were, the realization that I may have been a victim of emotional abuse from my mother, and the ongoing investigation of whether or not I have ADD/ADHD or ASD (or both), and I think you can understand why I want to take a break from college.

But it’s never going to happen, isn’t it? Not when my parents seem to be pressuring me (both intentionally and unintentionally) to finish college as soon as possible, and not when I don’t know if my college will even consider letting me take a year-long break.

I feel so trapped… I wish I knew where I could find some help me get through this and/or help me figure out how to take a break from college, but I have no idea where to look…

#//vent #//vent post #(?)#I’m sick of having to deal with constant stress over whether or not I’ll succeed in my classes #I’m sick of wanting to die because I have to deal with mental health issues college and possibly unsupportive parents at the same time #I’m sick of feeling lonely because I’m afraid of approaching people #I’m sick of not feeling like an adult #and I’m sick of my parents treating me as if I were a child still #I’m just so… tired #//suicide mention #//suicidal thoughts #in the tags at least #I want help but I don’t know where to get it #other than the two therapists I’m seeing right now #I don’t know who I should turn to to talk about this #//abuse mention #//emotional abuse

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