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lafourmii20 · 3 years

Note

My favorite pairing is probably DrPepperony if I had to choose one, and I'm a sucker for 30 (the protective one). While I tend to swerve to "people protecting Stephen", please write it however you'd like - if you're interested in this combination. :)

Thank you for the ask, @aelaer 💕

I love drpepperony and I was very happy to write this OT3 with this prompt. It's a bit longer than I thought, and maybe not exactly what you imagined. I hope you like it!

~~~

drpepperony, pre-relationship (could almost be read as gen), hurt stephen, with a bit of blood, protective pepper, protective tony, not clint friendly (sorry i had to find sort of a bad guy), post Endgame but Tony lives and Steve died

~~~

“If you’re so powerful, why couldn’t you save her?!”

Clint’s shout echoed on the lawn, all the way to the cabin. Tony instantly got to his feet.

“Stay with uncle Happy, Maguna.”

He left his drink on a table, and his daughter under Happy’s careful watch, and hurried outside. When he pushed the front door, he frowned, deeply unhappy with the scene.

“I’m sorry,” Stephen whispered in such a thin voice Tony wasn’t sure anyone heard him –not sure the guy even wanted to be heard.

“You’re sorry? Is that what you just mumbled?” Clint answered, his tone getting angrier and angrier with each word.

“I am truly deeply sorry,” Stephen articulated more clearly this time.

It did not seem to appease Clint. At all.

“Well, great! You’re sorry. But Nat is dead because of you. And your sorry ass apologies won’t do shit to bring her back!”

Clint was furious. He was grieving. But he was taking it out on the wrong guy.

“It’s all your fault!”

Stephen didn’t move, didn’t even blink when Clint lurched forward and punched him square in the face. He fell backwards and blood splattered on the ground.

“It’s all your fucking fault!” Clint bellowed as Sam and Bucky restrained him, tried to stop him from attacking again.

He almost tore free, and Tony took a step forward. He was all for letting his fellow Avengers sort things out between themselves the way they wanted to –and if they had to punch some sense into each other from time to time, well it was their business. But no one was getting beaten up, without even trying to resist, on his lawn.

But before Tony could say anything, Pepper stepped into the scene.

“What is going on here?” she asked in her no-nonsense voice. Se didn’t wait for someone to answer –as if there even was a correct way to answer when she used that voice. “No one is fighting in my home! Today, we celebrate those we brought back, and we grieve those we lost. This is not a time for fighting and I will not tolerate it. Is that clear?”

Clint might try to protest, there was no way he would sway Pepper. He was an Avenger. She was even more dangerous, Tony thought with pride. Looked like he could let his wife handle the dirty business.

He crossed the lawn, got to the poor wizard still slumped on the ground, haggard and defeated. His nose was bleeding profusely, and the corner of his eye was starting to turn purple. Tony grabbed him by the shoulder.

“Come on. Let me take care of you.”

Stephen looked up at him. There was a deep sadness, a resigned look in his eyes that broke Tony’s heart. Then Stephen got up and it was gone. They walked silently through the crowd, crossed the lawn and reached the house. Tony pushed him as carefully as he could in a bathroom.

“Here we go,” he said softly, helping Stephen sit on the edge of the tub. “Fri, where’s the first aid kit?”

“Under the sink, boss,” the AI answered immediately and Tony dived under the sink to retrieve the little box, opening it to get some cotton balls and antiseptic, though he wasn’t sure what to do with those. “May I suggest the ice pack, boss?”

“You’re the best, baby girl.”

“Of course,” she answered, and Tony chuckled.

He went back to Stephen with a slightly wet towel to wipe off the blood while he handed him the cold pack. Stephen’s fingers shook wildly when he took it and pressed it on the side of his head, with a painful wince.

“You don’t have to do all this,” the Wizard of Oz finally said. “I’m okay.”

“Yeah, look in the mirror, doc, and tell that to your face,” Tony scoffed.

He got a brief glimpse of a smile before he moved the towel over nose, lips, chin, and all the mess of blood that covered Stephen’s face.

“Why didn’t you send Clint to the Sinister Dimension or whatever the name of that hellish world is?” Tony asked, trying not to wince with Stephen every time the towel stroked over a sensitive area.

“Dark Dimension,” Stephen corrected.

“Sure.”

A moment of silence passed. Tony took the time to rinse the blood out of the towel before applying it again. It seemed like the bleeding had stopped. That only left the big ugly contusion at the corner of Stephen’s eye. Ouch, that looked painful.

“Fri, can you scan our good doctor? Make sure there are no deeper wounds?”

“I’m fine,” Stephen protested with another wince that said otherwise.

“Fri?”

“The good doctor is right, boss. No deeper injury.”

“Great.”

As Tony looked at the slumped and beaten up form in front of him, it seemed that nothing was great. If there were no physical wounds, it seemed that there was a more profound, more painful, psychological one. That man was wounded, burned out, and morally exhausted. And Tony was suddenly filled with the impulse to help him, to fix this, whatever this was.

He wanted to see the powerful and cocky sorcerer he clashed with, when they first met.

He wanted the weirdly flirty wink after great prowess of magic, and butting heads with someone that didn’t take his nonsense but actually listened to him, and compromised.

“So, why didn’t you stop him?” he asked again after a minute of almost comfortable silence.

He threw the bloody towel in the laundry basket and leaned against the sink, watching Stephen intently.

“Because he’s grieving. And he’s right,” Stephen answered in a too small voice.

Defeated.

Tony was not taking any of it. If Pepper had to protect Stephen from Clint, Tony would have to protect Stephen from himself, apparently. It was far from the weirdest thing he had ever done.

“Bullshit. It’s not your fault.”

Stephen arched an eyebrow behind the cold pack, before he winced and dropped it. Tony picked it up for him and, instead of giving it back to the wizard, he brought it up to Stephen’s face and gently hold it up against his temple. Stephen just sighed, closed his eyes for a second, letting Tony take care of him. The situation was slightly more intimate than Tony anticipated but it warmed his heart to see Stephen accept his help. And yeah, he could see himself get closer to the wizard in the near future.

“It’s not your fault,” he repeated.

“It kinda is. I chose this path, the one where Natasha and Steve had to die. Their deaths are on my hands.”

“That’s just pure bullshit! You didn’t push Nat on Vormir, she jumped. You didn’t put the gauntlet on Steve’s hand, he took it and snapped his own fingers knowing he would not survive it. You did not murder them. They chose to sacrifice themselves to save us all, and believe me, I would have done the same thing, without blaming you. You know what you did?”

“Wallow in self-pity, dishonoring their great sacrifice?” he whispered defeated and seemingly disgusted with himself.

“No.” Damn, that man really needed to be protected from himself. Tony knew a thing or two about blaming himself for everything, but Strange was on another level completely. “You put us on the right path, you risked your sanity to view all those possible futures and other timeline. You are a hero.”

That seemed to finally shut Stephen up. He blinked, looked up at Tony, but this time, there was something different in his eyes. A deep emotion Tony couldn’t really name. It made his heart race.

Stephen’s hand rose, lightly touched Tony’s at the side of his head. It was delicate and far more intimate than he expected. But before Tony could say anything else, the bathroom’s door opened, and Pepper stepped in.

Stephen quickly took his hand away, but Tony kept his position. There was nothing he wanted to hide from his wife. Besides, if something ever happened with the wizard, he was pretty sure Pepper would want to be included. Yep, that would be very nice actually, the three of them in the cabin. Tony could almost picture it.

Wait, he was thinking a bit ahead of himself, wasn’t he? Well, who could blame him, he was a futurist, after all.

“Are you okay, Dr. Strange?” Pepper asked.

“You can call me Stephen. And yes, I’m okay. Tony took care of me.”

Pepper looked at her husband. Tony winked, she smirked in return. His hand was still pressed against Stephen’s head –there was a cold pack between them, but did that really matter?

Pepper went to Stephen’s other side, carefully took his chin in her hand to examine him –and there was no cold pack or any medical supply to excuse the proximity. Stephen tensed for a second, then he relaxed in her grip.

“You did well,” Pepper finally concluded, with a small stroke on Stephen’s cheek. The wizard shuddered. Then she stepped back and the fluttering moment was over. “Tony, you stay with him, I’m gonna send everyone home,” she ordered more than asked.

“Yes, Ma’am,” Tony answered immediately.

“And Stephen?”

“Yes?”

“Stay for dinner with us tonight. Please?”

A moment of hesitation, blue-green eyes jumping from Tony to Pepper, a gulp and finally.

“I will.”

Well, well, well, Tony thought. That was a very interesting turn of events. He couldn’t wait to see where all of this would lead them.

~~~

Inspired by this intimacy prompt list

Prompts filled: 3. touching foreheads (ironstrangefrost) 23. wearing someone’s clothing (ironstrange) 29. kissing while mad (ironstrange) 59. height difference (ironstrange)

#drpepperony #fic #hurt stephen strange #protective tony stark #protective pepper potts #bad clint barton #tw blood #pre relationship #hurt comfort #ask answered #lafourmii writes

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devilstruly · 3 years

Text

shut up.

atsumu x female reader

to sum it up: atsumu and Y/N have a little fight, a little fight which Y/N does not categorize as little at all.

warnings: angst

-------------------------------------------------------

End of school. The day millions and millions of students were waiting for for so long. To celebrate the end of their second year, all second years from Inarizaki High School decided to go to the beach.

Y/N was thrilled to go to the beach, she had missed it so much. Honestly, she couldn't ask for more today. She was at at the beach, with her friends, and even her crush - Miya Atsumu. It was all great, Y/N and Atsumu had their usual banter occasionally throughout the day, but this particular banter didn't end so well. The guys bought a ball earlier in the day and now were sitting with everyone on the sand. Someone threw the ball and it landed in Atsumu's lap, causing him to grin and take the ball while looking around.

"Who wants a head throw?"

"I'll hit your head with it."

"Fuck off already will you?!"

"No"

And that was the end of Atsumu's and Y/N's conversation for today. But the truth is, Y/N didn't want this to be the end. Atsumu really looked pissed and done with her bullshit and she was feeling down.

Why am I like this?! I like him for fucks sakes! Why am I such a bitch to him ugh! Now he fucking hates me. Good job Y/N.

~~~

"Hey I have a shirt over here! Catch!" Y/N said throwing the shirt to Aran, but he got up so the shirt landed in sand. "What's that behavior? Show some respect." Atsumu said looking at her with serious eyes. "Excuse me? What's wrong with how I behave?" She asked in disbelief, whilst the blonde scoffed. "What's wrong?! You can't act like that!"

"Exactly like what do I act?! I didn't even do anything!"

"God you're so annoying."

"Oh I'm annoying?! Why exactly? Because I'm above average height? Or because I have a personality? Oh wait is it because I actually don't let guys tell me what to do? Because I won't give in easily I'm not good enough for you Miya?!"

"That and many other reasons."

"You know what. You're just a selfish jerk. You don't fucking deserve me."

And with that she left the beach, holding back her tears, because in reality, she didn't believe in that.

She was in love with Miya Atsumu despite everything.

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu angst #miya atsumu x you #miya atsumu x y/n #miya atsumu x reader #atsumu x y/n #atsumu x you #atsumu x female reader #lia writes angst 🤠#this is a call for help #angst #miya atsumu #miya atsumu angst

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olderthannetfic · 3 years

Note

Hi! I'm really impressed by how calmly you've been replying to asks about upsetting topics. Mind if I share a different pov? It's cool if you want to be done with the subject, but if it's okay, here it is: even though it's true that people already know csa is bad, there might be some rationalizations or confusion about where to draw some lines, and abusers can use stories that push those lines to groom children. However, what we need to do about it is not count on our ability to eliminate every one of those stories and any other pedo propaganda, but instead make sure everyone knows where to draw the lines and that those rationalizations are bs, so they can see that it's pedo propaganda and not be fooled. I know people won't agree on all the lines regarding exact ages and age differences that are acceptable, but there are other things that slip through the cracks, like pretending the age of consent is only relevant to some sex acts and not others (incorrect in most countries, and even then it's just a different age of consent for different acts, there are no sex acts that have no age of consent), or that if it's non-sexual it can somehow exist as an acceptable romantic relationship (incorrect, that's not a relationship). And having that information is useful both in cases of for real pedo propaganda and in cases of darkfic that was written to be creepy and wrong on purpose but the reader might not recognize that.

This comes up a lot. Really, really a lot. And the arguments are extremely repetitive, as are the asks going "You haven't thought about this, have you?" that I see waiting for me in my inbox, yet again. When I'm ready to tap out (or just get busy with RL) I usually just stop answering asks for a while.

Here's the thing: a lot of people look at this only in terms of potential victims and an audience that doesn't understand what it's being exposed to. I agree that it's important to protect people.

However, these kinds of conversations always erase another, much larger group: people who are making or consuming dark art because it is meaningful or hot or fun for them. To me, it comes down to that infamous 1995 Time Magazine cover:

From a boingboing writeup:

"In 1995 Time magazine published a cover story about online pornography that gave grandstanding politicians an excuse to try to censor the Internet. The politicians would have succeeded, if it weren't for the efforts of civil libertarians, especially Mike Godwin, who was staff counsel at the Electronic Frontier Foundation at the time."

I was 14 when this fight as going on. It sounds like a long time ago, but people who built AO3 were mostly teens or college students or young professionals, and we remember this fight vividly.

I was already in fandom, reading some racy Mulder/Scully porn, and elsewhere on the internet reading snuff erotica and other things far worse than most fanfic.

(And yes, I do go hunting on AO3 when people tell me they've seen something nasty in the woodshed. There's some pretty out there stuff if you search really hard, but it still almost never reaches the heights of anything I read on Usenet as a teen. AO3 is really tame as porn goes.)

When I was a teenager forming my understanding of art and ethics and this bullshit scaremongering happened, the US had a conversation. The topic was this:

Is it worth sacrificing adults' entire lives and spaces in the service of protecting children?

On the conservative douchebag side, we had the argument that children might be there because it's a general space.

On the winning side--the winning side so far because this fight is never over--was the idea that it is not reasonable to expect public spaces to conform to what's appropriate for the kindergarten classroom. Children are not the default, and they do not set the tone for spaces that are not specifically for them.

So these were my formative teen years: do we get an internet where we can be adults? Normal adults who are allowed to have fantasies or discuss our queer sexuality or breast cancer or whatthefuckever! Or is the internet a gated playground with foam over all the play structures because we are obligated to think of the children at every moment of every day?

I agree with you that some actual abusers use arguments of the type you describe and that it's important for our youth to understand what those arguments look like.

I have yet to see even a single AO3 fic I thought was actually espousing any such thing, let alone a significant number. This simply isn't an accurate representation of most of the fic that these endless fandom wanks are about.

AO3 does allow you to make an account if you're 13 and up, but it was built by a bunch of adults for other adults. It's very writer-oriented. Its mission is saving art. That's not a space that can or should be primarily concerned with the subset of readers who can't contextualize what they're looking at.

The way to help those readers might be by people who want a clean archive making one or by making an AO3 collection of vetted stories. Much more likely, the only thing that will help them is fighting purity culture and getting some real and useful sex ed into their country's educational system.

You've made some very good points, anon, but they're not very relevant points to the fandom debates about AO3.

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kookie-doughs · 3 years

Text

Beta Tester

Kozume Kenma X Reader

-YN LN is a popular mangaka

Chapter 16: Stage

Seeing you running towards him made Kenma frown.

"Kenma!" You waved. "Thank you for not leaving yet!"

Ignoring you he continued to walk towards the direction of the stage.

You pouted and crossed your arms. "You know... As sorry as I am for that kiss I really don't regret it."

Jogging up in front of him with a shit eating grin, you positioned yourself in front of him where he'd have no choice but to look at you while you looked at him. His ears were slightly red without a doubt but who were you kidding yours were too.

Kenma cleared his throat, "Good for you then. Now get out of the way so I could get out of here. "

"And honestly I liked that kiss." You continued determined to see him flustered again. "Your lips were soft and I bet my ass you're a great kisser. I rate you 10/10 would do it again."

With a glare he looked at you straight in the eyes, "So do it pussy." Then went ahead before you could see the red settling on his face.

"I- Wh- Excuse me- Wh- Huh? K-Ken- Kenma!!" You squeaked as you chased after him.

"I said what I said."

You finally caught up to him when he was about to climb the stairs towards the stage. Luckily(?) you also have to go up with him.

"Ehh... Where's the flustered Kenma? I wanted to see you all blushy and panicked. You looked so adorable. I don't want hot daddy Dom Kenma. I want cute baby sub Kenma..."

As he was halfway up the stairs your height gap grew and he was way over you. He just looked down on you, leaning closer the gap barely existent he smirked.

"Too bad." Then turned away.

There were a handful of people who saw the scene. Which made you more embarrassed. Holy shit you acted all alpha online only to be dominated by a hermit named Kozume Kenma.

Boy were you happy. You'd happily submit to him.

"Let us all welcome the two people who made the game possible! YN LN and Kozume Kenma!!"

You might be confused why you two were the ones going and why you were introduced like that.

As you are the creator of Puri-Puri you of course are the reason why this game existed.

But Kenma came here as he's the biggest investor, the face of the game and no one else wanted to go. So yeah...

As you two came up the stage you were just wishing the blush from the scene a few moments ago. The cameras flashed and claps were heard.

"Shit the media is here..." You mumbled.

"Your surprised, why?" Kenma gave you an amused and disappointed look. No idea how he managed to do that but he did.

"Shut the fuck up. I just got a feeling the questions won't be about the game thanks to the media."

"So you do think sometimes..."

"You want me to hit you?"

A clearing of throat behind you stopped your argument. It was Akaashi handing you both microphones to be clipped on you [I'm sorry I dont know what they're called] .

"Good luck, don't do and say anything stupid. And remember this is the release of PPM's demo." He reminded and got off the stage.

"Good evening to you all! I hope you've been having a great time!" I started.

"We'd like to thank you again for attending the release of PPM's demo."

"Now of course the game is yet to be played but from the trailer that was shown, I hope you had enjoyed it since the game is going to be much better than the trailer!"

"I'm sure you all must've questions as well. That's why Me and your idi-- dear author will answer."

"You definitely were about to call me idiot." You frowned at him.

He smirked and shrugged. "I have not a slightest idea what you mean."

"You're the worst."

Ignoring you... Again. He motioned at one of the reporters to probably ask their question.

"Ms. LN, as the initial plot of the Puri-Puri Magika is about [REDACTED], and the trailer we saw have quite a large difference from one another only having the universe in similarty. Is it just the universe of the similar one to the manga? "

"Of course the plot would be different. It disappoints me quite a bit that none of you realized how they're connected aside from the universe. Well, I don't really want to spoil you but if you actually read the Manga and saw the trailer," You gave a proud smirk. "Everyone that was a fan of PPM in the team were ecstatic. They were all just-" You mimicked a mind blown. "They were so excited about the game and a those."

"Thank you Ms. LN."

"Next please."

"Mr. Kozume," the next one called. "You were neither a fan of YN, nor PPM, why did you decide to not only beta test the game but sponsor and invest big sum of money on the game."

"We--"

"No wait ! I want to answer some of those questions!" You cut off cackling. "The one about him investing and him beta testing! It's actually an annoying and Hella funny story."

"No I was a--"

"Shut up you'll probably lie."

"Shut up." Kenma now had his ears red. "Don't you--"

"He was the biggest asshole back then!"

"Stop talking."

"He fucking beta tested despite not knowing shit about PPM because it was the biggest game. And he just banwagoned on it like a bitch he was."

"I did not. I had some clues about you Manga."

"You did not know shit about PPM cut yo bullshit. You didn't even know who the MC was!"

"Shut up."

"That's why he beta tested! Now the reason why he invested is really hilarious!"

"I really hate this story..."

"This was the reason why Kenma became Bae too! We didn't know shit about how to contact Kenma, we only had his email address and his social media. Keep that in mind. "

"So since he didn't know shit about PPM he really couldn't care about the plot and just looked for bugs and shit. He wasn't even aware of the bugs in the plot since he didn't know which what was supposed to be part of the plot and not. This bitch ass decided there wasn't any bugs anymore so we went with that. But then we had to play it and saw a shit ton of bugs."

"I said there were some bugs don't make me seems so stupid."

"You didn't even inform us about the glitch at the time skip part! That could've ruined the entire thing! Anywayz, so we had to code the game again. So we emailed him that there were way too many bugs other than what he told us so the next testing would be later. But the asshole never replied. And since I was the one entasked to guide this bitch ass, I had to flood his email! And he didn't respond! Not once! It had been DAYS! I send him at least 20 emails everyday! I have up on the 3-4th day and DMed him on Twitter."

"I really hate this part."

"No. No. This is the best part. Do y'all remember that one trending #KodzuGone started by Tenma? It's because, this asshole never responded to our emails so I DMed him all the shit important shit in the emails. Then this bitch fucking blocked me! I fucking rante to Tenma and he canceled Kenma like he deserved to! I was panicking about it since Mr. Suzumiya told me that Kenma could be a potential investor if he wanted. And I needed cash... "

"Do not call me that publicly. You are disgusting."

"He went full sugar daddy on me!" You cackled. "His entire squad had betrayed him! They were canceling him so he just fucking slid into my DMs apologizing about the shit he did and I told him, bitch I'm coming over there and see you play this fucking game or I will not stop this canceling and make it worse. So he was forced to telll me his address and I'm not sure if yall saw the live but it was hot shit. The next day he bought all the copies of PPM at this one store and gave them to me and then he invested shit ton of money on my on going works, bought me a new tablet, paid my Keiji bills, and many other shit. Yall would die to have him as sugar daddy I'm telling you. Ya don't even have to give him sugar for the treats. "

"That was the biggest mistake I made."

"Awwe, but thanks to that we're closer than ever. "

"Exactly my point."

"Thank you for answering Ms. LN."

"I hate you so much." Kenma sighed pinching the bridge of his nose.

"No you don't. Admit it you love me."

"I really don't. Next question please."

"A-Ah, my initial question was actually answered in the previous question. It about your live. Now my question is, Ms LN and Mr. Kozume, is your relationship really a platonic one or a romantic one? "

"Okay, babe," You chuckled. "my man won't even let me breathe the same air he does. Ya think we're dating?"

"Well your right."

"What?"

"Excuse me?"

"Huh?! " You exclaimed a little louder than you thought since the mic made a loud noise.

"The relationship we have is both platonic and romantic. As labels aren't placed we share a romantic relationship." Kenma smirked.

You looked at him and the crowd with a clear eminent blush. "I-I I- Wh-"

Pulling you closer to him and turning around so the crowd won't see you both. He lowered the mic to prevent them from hearing.

"I wanted to see you all blushy and panicked . You look adorable." He whispered to your ear before facing the crowd again who were now going crazy over what Kenma had just confirmed.

"Y-You're an asshole..."

"Yeah, an asshole who..." lowering his mic again he leaned to your ear. "Still has your favorite onsie at his place. You really shouldn't have left it at my place. I'm so tempted to burn it."

"You leave my onsie alone! I will drown your consoles."

"With that threat, you're suddenly stripped of your house visit privileges."

"W-Why would you say we're dating?!"

"I didn't. I just said we both share a romantic and platonic relationship with no labels. I technically didn't lie too."

"Why did you do this?"

"Aside from wanting to see you all flustered? I'm probably drunk." Kenma smiled and turned to the crowd again. "Next question please."

Previous | Masterlist | Next

I'm sorry lately there's been to many words and less pictures it's just that... Idk

Lol I'm sorry this was supposed to be smau but there's been too many words

Ooc Kenma is shit so I made him drunk

-kookie-doughs

Taglist?

@gayer-than-the-gayest-gay @synx-ed @normalisthenewnorm @0majuh0 @leachann @nikanikabitch @almondeupeach @immxnty @mer-majesty @yamayoomi @simpingoveranime-men @lostmarimoismyhubby @mariishat @just-snog-already

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#haikyuu-smau #hq smau #hq #x reader #haikyuu smau #hq!!#smau #kozume kenma #kenma smau #haikyuu kenma #kenma x reader #X reader

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sor-vette · 3 years

Text

four, circus!! (index/description)

☜ three, an all-out fight club!!

☞ five, dots!!

t/w: dead bodies, mention of overdose

"This has got to be the dumbest thing I've ever seen," Yoongi thinks to himself as he blankly stares at Jimin, transferring the PPT file to the projector.

123 slides in "Reasonable arguments as to why we should date, _̵͚̾͌_̶̢̛̘̅͛̕_̶̡̧̝͗̒̋̌̚_̴̮̒̍̿̃͠ .

"Wrong PowerPoint bro," Jungkook grunts with closed eyes. No doubt the idiot had tried to stalk you throughout the night. It's been three days since Erik had officially enrolled.

Namjoon also has his eyes fixed on the projector, his expression giving nothing away.

"Resigned to death, poor bastard, as you should."

Jimin momentarily looks behind him to see why Jin had started to snort in laughter before scrambling to choose another file.

56 slides in "What do we know about Erik and what to do about it?"

"The title could be less verbose," Jin remarks, spinning his chair around the room.

"You're one to talk, literally," Jimin sneers but, there is very little malice in his voice if any. Besides Namjoon, V and Hope, who actually stuck to his word of minding his business, Yoongi didn't know anyone personally in the room. Though he sure has heard of the connections they had with you. Each weirder than the other.

Namjoon, the CEO, the one who went overboard in commitment and scared you off. Rumour was he offered marriage before the first "I like you." But that as well could be bullshit.

Hope, with the most cordial contact out of all. And also the most distant. You two had fundamentally different perceptions of how the world worked. Incompatible match, as the saying goes.

Jin. Despite the grandeur of his character, Yoongi knew very little of him. Even less as to why you left. He presumed the lack of commitment on both sides.

Jimin, the almost. For five months Yoongi had to hear nothing but coy whispers of just what good friends you two were. What good time you both had jumping back and forth from Paris and home. And then with zero explanation, you weren't. Every once in a while, he'd see the two of you in the hallway. Working hard to suffer through an exchange of pleasantries between long awkward pauses. The whispers had been effectively stomped to death, with no one the wiser as to what the hell had happened.

V, the one you hated and the one who hated you. How the two of you even met was beyond anyone's understanding. How you didn't rip each other's throat out even more so. Why he was here? God only knew.

And the last one, JK. Your trainee before Erik. The one who'd shamelessly bounced, leaving you in the dust when the enrollment came with a nary of thank you. After that, you officially joined the cleaner department and largely went missing from the public eye.

And, of course, Yoongi himself. The only official boyfriend. The one who officially broke both of your hearts.

"If all of you could please focus!" Jimin snapped, standing with a wad of paper in hand, waving it like a teacher in front of particularly annoying group of students.

"He even made notes," Namjoon whispered faintly.

"More like a manifesto," Yoongi snickered, letting his eyes wander over the sheer thickness of the file.

"Silence!" For a split second, Yoongi wanted to make a jab about a chihuahua being able to bark, but having considered his own height, he chose to be silent.

"So, let's start with basics. Erik Genyer. Joined two and a half years ago through a recruitment agent. He's 24, lived in Seattle before moving here. No known parents or siblings." Jimin recounted with ease.

"I hope you didn't look through his records," Namjoon frowned at the screen. "Because I did not authorize that."

"Does it count as looking if it's a brief glance?"

"Yes."

"And yet here you are benefitting from it." Namjoon could only breathe through his nose a tad harder.

"Why are you telling us this?" Jin interjected. "Mr CEO here could just give us his file - we'd read for ourselves."

"I will not. That's against company policy."

"And what you're doing here is completely legal and non - invasive." Jin raised his eyebrows, not phased even in the slightest that he was much below Namjoon's position.

"Silence!" Jimin yelped again at the front. "Has anyone here worked with Erik?"

"Hope definitely has," V piped up from his seat, looking as uninterested as one could. Yoongi narrowed his eyes at him. V took the piercing glare in stride, haughtily turning away.

"Well, yes but..." Jimin shuffled on the stage almost awkwardly. "He has strictly declined the invitation to our little... boy band."

"Wait does that mean he could tell _̸̢͉̦͔̣͈̱̅́́̓͊̇̂̓́̕͝ͅ_̸̨̙͚̻̬͖͉̻͔̑̓͐͜ - I mean R.D.?" Jungkook suddenly asks, eyes wide. Even Yoongi blanched at the thought. Everyone straightened in their seats. This was all fun and games until the moment you knew. Oh, you'd rip each and every one of them a new asshole. All of them could kiss goodbye to any attempt of trying to mend bridges. By that point, there wouldn't even be a river stretching underneath.

"I sincerely hope not." Jimin whispers and they sit in a moment of silence, weighing the risks.

"Heh, hope not." Jin suddenly gives a breathy laugh solely to be met by a general aura of disapproval.

"It's not funny." Namjoon scolds slightly but, Jin being Jin, openly looks him into eyes and goes -

"I know."

Amidst the banter, JK raises his hand shyly.

"I trained with him for a short while."

"And what is he like?" Jimin's eyes almost sparkled at anyone giving an actual insight.

"He must be wearing contacts or something," Yoongi mused, pushing the cap of his water bottle around the table. He knew Jimin to be attractive. No one in the entire company would shut up about it, nevertheless, something about him seemed almost supernatural.

JK shrugged in response.

"A bit rude and careless but talented. He finished training early."

"Did it seem like he was particularly going after her?" Namjoon interrogated further. There was a deep scowl of resentment on his face.

"Uhh, no. I think he was interested in the cleaner department in general. Apparently, he spent most of his orientation there."

"He also spent a month in surveillance. Did you speak with him...V?" If V was surprised by Jimin addressing him personally, he didn't show it as he continued to inspect his nails.

"Didn't even know he was there."

"Why did he stay so long in the cleaner department?" Yoongi asked as he ran over the information on the screen. Besides the already mentioned month in surveillance and a week in networking and relations, this Erik hadn't even tried to apply anywhere else.

"Poor communication skills. I had to throw him out. That's why he was only there a week." Jin explained.

"So you spoke to him?"

"Well, no, Irina," he was interrupted by a hollow thud. Without prompt V had dropped his steel thermos onto the desk, tea splattering everywhere and staining JK's jacket in the process. Both of them fumbled to clean it up with anything they could. V dabbed the desk harshly, the wood creeking at every aggressive wipe. Yoongi saw Jin looking sideways, the same confused expression echoed on his face.

"Well, as I was saying, Irina, R.D.'s friend, I'm sure you're familiar, came to me, said he was causing trouble and asked to refer him."

"And you sent him to R.D.?"

Jin gave a deeply suffering sigh.

"No, I did not send him. I referred him to general management and they gave him to the cleaners ."

"Ok, I get all of this. But what are we supposed to do about him?" Namjoon interrupted, jaw set in a tight grip.

Jimin fell silent at the front of the room.

"Yeah, this was the main question." Yoongi thought bitterly.

It was all a question of ethics, wasn't it? JK could pretend all he wanted to be above it all, to be respectful but then he trailed secret circles around you. Whether from guilt or perhaps a sense of entitlement. Yoongi didn't know or really care. Nevertheless the kid clearly had a hard time differentiating between what he said and what he did. Yoongi was however surprised to see Namjoon be so eager. He quite fancied making himself bald from worrying about the nature of evil. Just how easy it was to hide it behind big aspirations of providing aid. But it seemed as of late all of that was tossed aside.

Jimin was the one who orchestrated this in the first place, and so naturally, everyone looked at him for guidance. He was still shuffling around, nervously fiddling the blue pen.

"Well, first of all, I think we should talk more to R.D." A huff passed around the room.

"Talk to her?" V asked sceptically, mouth set in a straight line and heavy wrinkles carved between brows.

"Do you have any idea how difficult that would be?"

"Certainly it would be for you," Yoongi snarled, earning a harsh glare.

"Listen, at the end of the day, it's not really about us trying to force her into something. It's just to make sure... she's living a safe life. Well, the safest that's possible." Jimin said with enough sincerity to trigger certain insecurities within Yoongi and by the look of it also Namjoon.

It was no secret that between the seven, they were the most possessive over you. Both having the wrong idea that you were theirs. Which is why you left and why you probably were so caught up in Jimin. The purity and sheer selflessness of his sentiments acted like a punch to the gut. The genuine care that he reflected like a sun made the raw wound in Yoongi's chest seep even more. To be loved like that would be a dream come true. Yoongi shifted his attention to the laminated floor.

"We talk to her, find out what her life is like, keep a close eye on what Erik does. Talk to other cleaners about him, and once we find out, she's happy. That's. The. End. Of. That." There was no uncertainty. Jimin was dead serious.

The meeting was adjourned, quite amicably actually, but Yoongi knew that the rest of them had ulterior motives and plans. He had them too.

Jin and JK were no threat. Both were too uncertain of what to do with you.

Jimin had some deep-seated self esteem issues. Despite his 123 slide presentation, the way he spoke made it clear. That's probably why the abrupt parting, Yoongi mused. Both of you most likely shared the same anxiety about not being good enough for the other.

V was just V.

Namjoon was the only one Yoongi was truly worried about. Even from looking at his back, walking headstrong up the stairs, Yoongi could see how stubborn Namjoon was. In a way, it was like looking in a mirror. The possessiveness, the mulish mindset. They'd saw you, all of you and had decided that this was it. Yes, Namjoon would certainly be the toughest rival. However, Yoongi was very good at playing the long game. Especially if he wanted something so bad it felt like his thorax slowly being ripped out.

All that was left was Hope. But he wasn't even a viable player. After all, he hadn't even shown up.

***

"Why the fuck is he so heavy?" Erik grunted, swaying left and right and holding onto his dear life to the bagged pair of legs.

"Rigor mortis...set in," you huffed in answer, from the upfront of the body. "At least he wasn't rotting already. That's just nasty. 1, 2, 3."

Both of you lift the body into the van and let the poor bastard drop with a soft thud. Sweat pooled underneath your white hazmat suit with plastic glasses digging straight into your brain. You banged hard against the "EMT" van, and it drove away, carrying Dr. Martin Leyster to the morgue.

Should the neighbours see anything, it was a sad story of a depressed psychiatrist accidentally overdosing on his own meds. The evidence of him manipulating his most vulnerable patients into bankruptcy erased in you any stray feelings of sympathy though.

"You have the peroxide?" You rifled through the cleanup bag, but instead of answering, Erik began to actively point somewhere behind your back. A cold chill ran up your spine as you realize someone has been watching you stuff the body in the trunk. It quickly dissipates when you see a familiar smile.

"Hard at work, I see," Hope whistled, bounding towards you more like a kid on a school trip, rather than what the reality was.

"May I borrow your mentor for a bit?" He asked politely, still smiling up at Erik. There was no warmth in his expression.

"You are after all now an official member of the cleaner crew. Surely you can handle this on your own."

Erik looks at you for a moment before giving a loud sigh and trudging back to Leyster's office, the white toolbox angrily swishing back and forth in his hand.

Without hesitation, you remove the glasses from your head, revelling in the ease of pressure. Hope had stopped smiling altogether, looking quite pensive.

"What brings you here?" You ask lightly. To see him here is not worrying per se, but certainly interesting. He gives a quick shrug.

"Nothing much. Wanted to see how you were doing after that runt's little stunt." You only laugh at the shallow animosity. Erik's talent to drive people out of their patience was truly remarkable.

"I'm doing fine. You know... working. What about you?"

"I've been working as well."

You both fall silent.

"You ever thought about leaving the BH?" He suddenly asked, and you quirk a brow at the question.

"Not particularly. Have you?" Hope focuses a blank gaze at the grey walls of the multi-story apartment complex.

"A little bit. Last few days especially." You stand in muted shock. Hope was the last person you thought would quit. He was, without doubt, the most devoted, the most passionate out of all the hundreds of employees. He lived for the cause, he himself said so. And yet now he stood uncertain in front of you. Not really the bright and friendly Hope everyone knew, not really the strict and somewhat terrifying training teacher. He was just...quiet. It was an upsetting scene.

"Do you want to go for a drink or a lunch, maybe?" You offer, reaching for the zipper of the white suit. Yes, Erik could handle this on his own. He was a big boy. Hope hastily placed his hand atop of yours, pausing the movement. Even through the fabric, it radiated warmth. No wonder people called him sun. He frowned at the conjoined hands, lightly stroking his thumb over your knuckles before lighting up like a Christmas tree.

"No, no. I don't want to burden you with my problems." You didn't believe his smile for a second.

"Well, I won't steal you away for much longer, the pup might get anxious." He turned around, by the looks of ready to sprint off.

"Hey, wait!" He paused, not looking back.

"Do you why JK has been stalking me?"

"He has?"

He had. The first time you noticed a shifting figure in the background, you wrote it off to the combination of hangover and exhaustion. The second time he'd run off into the night faster than you could catch up. The third time you nearly flung yourself off the roof when seeing a pair of doe eyes staring back at you from an empty apartment building.

"There isn't like an alliance going around between some of my... acquaintances?" Truth be told, you found the very idea ridiculous, but it had wormed its ugly way into your brain and was now near impossible to get out. JK, Jimin, Yoongi and Namjoon wouldn't even get along with each other. Even though those four were most likely to meddle in your business. However, if looking realistically, it was probably just your paranoia taking an intensive round. Seeing suspicious cars, watchful eyes and snooping noses where there were none. Hope threw you a sardonic smile.

"That would just be stupid."

(a/n)

In this story people have their names and codenames and will be often used interchangeably. It all depends whether in the story the POV character knows the names of others or not.

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nicecarito · 4 years

Text

Something I wanted to say since I started being in this fandom....

The most people who ever tried to -cancel- me and talked behind my back without face me directly, the 90% have been Americans... And I say it, cuz it's like super wtf how latin americans, europeans or Asiatics fans treat me so nicely and these fellas are like if they wear a Monk attire from the Inquisition.

(not all Americans of course, I have very good friends and wonderful followers who are from America , such sweeties, so I will not generalist as everyone, let's just focus on the meanies, unfortunately , the meanies that I had to deal with are from there )

(I actually know which artists were the ones who dared to say bad stuff about me without even daring to face and know me as a person... I will only give you this ...🙃 Have a wonderful day!)

The worst thing they ever said is that I draw CP Like, when in my fucking life. I have two kids at home! I have raised them, I was a mother figure to them, I am a kids teacher too and I love my kids so much so YOU making such rumor hurts me a lot ... Not all the world is America, so we don't see some stuff like u do.

How they can assume that shit of someone when I had to give my life to two boys. Really these guys taking to serious the freaking fiction it's a pain in the ass... Then... That I pro-incest. NO, MOTHERFUCKERS, u really have a big imagination! Please give me some cuz Sometimes I have a lack of imagination and I can't draw anything!!

That I draw Mug and Cup well I do have a story about it... Forgive cuz my NATIVE LANGUAGE IT'S SPANISH

When the very first trailer of Cuphead came out (the black and white one) and WHEN MY ENGLISH WASN'T STILL GOOD and nobody knows they were siblings at least not me I said, oh two cute cups, I will ship them :$

Like, it's not like I could find more information, I couldn't read it anyway and the spanish information about the game was alway "Two BEST FRIENDS TRYING TO GET THEIR SOULS BACK" so well,Sorry for that I guess??

Then time passed and then the game came out and well tadaaaah they are siblings

And I waS Like "SHIT! WHY ALL THE SUDDEN?! well, I don't think it's a big deal, I still have my headcanons where they aren't siblings at all and I always drew them As adults (THEY ARE KIDULTS BY THE WAY),well not big deal after all .....THEY ARE TWO CUISINE UTENSILS AND NOT HUMANS AND NOT REAL PEOPLE SO..."

But UUUUF NOOOH how dare uuu ,Carito, you are the worst person of the world , let's try to cancel u so you will learn to not draw two utensils kissing cuz they come from the same ceramic oven :)))

If you are gonna give me the excuse that fiction alterate reality or something of that style.... Well, in that case I will try to cancel EVERYONE WHO DRAW ASSASSINATION, MAFIOUS STUFF, CHILD VIOLENCE, DRUGS, AND ALL THE BAD STUFF OF THE MOTHER FUCKER WORLD, and cuz I unfortunately been witness of all of it ... I saw two murders in my life that was about drug dealing, narcos and I sadly saw child abuse to the point of super strong violence.... in my family there’s stories of violations between familiars, so sad.

-But one thing isn't that bad than the other >:U- (a real excuse that I got)

.... ARE YOU SERIOUS?! don't try to put a parameter to height if something is less bad or viceversa, THAT is stupid and hypocrite. Things are bad and POINT. BUT

I'm not going to cancel someone who decide to get into that MATURE THEMES to tell a story!

Because if you are mature enough to make a big difference between reality and fiction then you will enjoy the story, you will understand the concept of the story, why the artist decided to choose these themes for their story, etc...

That's why Something called MATURE ADVERTISEMENT exist.... It's a part of text were the artist tell you that they will talk about themes that might trigger you so...

If you choose to watch it, well it's your decision BUT DON'T TRY TO COMPLAIN IF THE ARTIST WARNED YOU AT VERY FIRST. People Sometimes doesn't read if there's not a damn colorful image there! People just pay attention to certain stuff if looks cute.

I think that trying to eliminate these kind of themes to make everything more -pink and healthy- it is unhealthy.... These themes exist in the end, storytelling exist for a reason.

If you have a boundary, it's super fine. I do have my boundaries too and I do avoid things that doesn't make me feel happy at all but that doesn't give me the power of destroy a person cuz -their content doesn't make me happy-. You aren't a hero... You are just a bully.

and if you are gonna -try- then at least come to say it in my face!! Always behind the stage cuz they always been to coward to come to me and talk! COWARDS!. YOU ARE COWARDS!

THEY SAID LIES ABOUT ME, AND some of them destroyed some friendships that I had or make people try to avoid me to -take care of their reputation cuz if I talk to Carito that will make -friends- think the worst of me-

Well, if your friends push you to not talk to someone cuz very silly stuff, what kind of friends you have :/ are we at elementary school or something?

But to be honest they weren't really my friends cuz they doesn't really cared about my feelings enough so whatever. But yeah..... Angery but they never were able to cancel me for real.....

cuz not for being sassy or shit, But I think I showed who really I am and I believe people likes me. I don't need to pretend shit or stop drawing or change my stories at all. I do what I want and cuz obviously I'm not hurting no one, then people get closer to me.

I like them too and I will continue drawing cuz that's my fucking career, motherfuckers. I draw to pay my debts so, don't tease.

I hope them to show that interest of cancel stuff in real life for people who really need it! The world is outside the screen, and we are REALLY full of bad people outside so... I think you should turn off your computer for once... pinchis morros mensos

And if you ever felt trigerred cuz I ever say hola to you just cuz someone told you a -rumor- about me .. well, you are really manipulable. You should give yourself the opportunity to speak to someone and know them first instead of -take care of your reputation- that's bullshit , it's hypocrite and maybe it was the best cuz I don't need people to give me false smiles and turns around to say shit.

If I EVER did something unforgivable well... Let me see it ._. I can't say sorry if I don't know what the hell are you talking about

I had this inside my heart that really hurted me for so long , sorry for the vent and I'm truly thankful that you follow me cuz you like my art and me as a person.

I'm truly grateful of all my friends too! Thank you for being there for me

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quaestoruwumar · 4 years

Text

...So I finally had the courage to show you guys my MCs, I really like them lol. You can always ask me about them, I’d love to answer any questions.

First of all, my favorite darling:

Euphemia Lang

[This splash art belongs to Riot, the character is Karma from the game League of Legends, the skin is Traditional Karma]

Name: Euphemia Lang.

Birth Date: September 12th

Place of Birth: Ionia (Actually a LoL location, used the name and that stuff to create a new country for some of my MCs, just changed the history and politics for The Lore)

Zodiac Sign: Virgo

MBTI: Probably INFP, but I'm not that sure.

Familiar: A baby pig named Kuwa.

Nicknames: Eumi, Mia, Aunt Phemi, The Gentle Jasmine.

Age: 46

Gender: Female

Height: 1.86m | 6'1 ft

Eye Color: Light Grey.

Hair Color: Dark Brown.

Favorite Color: Purple.

Favorite Meal: Five-spice flourless chocolate cake with choc-hazelnut sauce.

Favorite Drink: Oolong Tea.

Favorite Flower: Jasmine.

Occupation: Ionian Consul.

Relatives: Kirios (Younger Brother), Kai (Adoptive Nephew), a lot of problematic nephews and nieces that no one really remembers but her, unknown son (Deceased), unknown ex-husband (???).

Character Allignment: Lawful Neutral.

Personality: Independent, Mature, Creative, Thoughtful, Loyal, Caring, Empathetic, Devoted, Diligent, Meticulous, Stubborn, Mysterious.

Relationships:

Nafizah: This woman has been in love with Nafizah since the day they met, they were very young at the time, around 15 or 16 years old. Euphemia is very conscious of the fact that Nafizah is almost always busy, so she respects, supports and admires her more than anything in the world, listens to her, gives her the time and space she needs and is very patient with her, she would do anything Nafizah asks her to. She's never confessed her true feelings towards her though, afraid of ending the friendship they've had for so long, she trusts Nafizah with her life, literally, has told her almost every secret she has (except the crush thing because she's a coward).

Satrinava Siblings: Most of them have noticed the huge crush she has on Nafizah, but none of them dare to say a word because Euphemia asked each of them to not do it and they like her too much to betray her. She's been there for them since a long time ago so they know they can trust her with anything they need. She's almost another member of the family at this point. Euphemia loves watching them do the stuff that makes them happy, even when she usually just watches from afar because she doesn't consider herself a very active person, but from time to time she'll dance with Navra or pull pranks with Natiqa (she's actually really good with those). She loves them all.

Kirios and Kai: Her younger brother is currently the Ionian king, they don't have a good relationship because of him, she still tries to give him space and support but he just keeps on trying his best to end her, she still doesn't know it, but he was the reason behind her son's horrible death. On the other hand, Kai (her nephew) tries his best to get her to go away, afraid of the things his father can do, she treats him as her own child and refuses to leave him behind, he's cold and mean, but really tries to soften when it comes to her.

Lucio: She obviously met him because of Nadia and she loves him, sees him as a problematic person who keeps a lot of bs inside, so she tries to get close to him and praise him in a good way, so that maybe one day he can trust her enough to tell her about what he's really feeling.

The courtiers: She finds them hilarious and cute, LOVES Volta and brings her food everytime she comes to visit Nadia. Adores Vulgora and their war stories, even when some of them are extremely gruesome to her, the "happy" look on their face when they talk about the war is priceless. Tries to be as patient as possible when it comes to Vlastomil, she just listens to whatever he wants to say but usually doesn't like to get involved with the drama and... the illegal stuff, but she thinks the worms are cute, she thinks he'd be a great father. Valerius is... complicated to her, but she really enjoys his presence, thinks he's a beautiful and smart man and his taste in wine is just so amazing. And last, but not least, Valdemar... she likes them, really admires them too, there's something so mysterious and intriguing about them, she can't help but try and get closer to them.

Others: She's usually really quiet, elegant, always wearing a little smile. She loves meeting new people (talking to other MCs? She'd love that), is usually a listener and gives great advice, doesn't care about status or appearance, she thinks all of that mess is pure bullshit. Respects your space and won't touch you unless you give her your consent. Has a great memory and loves spoiling everyone she knows. The only thing she'll never talk about is her past and her family, she doesn't like the things that have happened.

Facts: Is a mom friend, (Modern AU) can't be an impostor while playing Among Us, is physically unable to hate people, many things trigger her but she does her best to not express any negative feelings, is a respectful simp, has an extreme sweet tooth.

#the arcana #arcana mc #my mc #cherry's mcs #the arcana game

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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years

Text

Gateway Drug | Part Fifty-Nine

Words: 4.4K

Warning(s): Explicit language, minor sexual situations, mentions of drug abuse

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LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

Sharise and I watch as Adriana demonstrates basic pole dancing techniques in the empty strip joint.

Sharise, me, Duff, Steven and Steven's lady friend/dancer, Adriana, all came into Adriana's place of work during closed hours, with the permission of her boss, being that this is the club the "Girls Girls, Girls" video is being filmed in and I decided I'd join Sharise in it.

Of course Sharise and I aren't gonna be doing Cirque du Soleil on a pole in the video, it's just an excuse to get out of the house and good off for a few hours.

"Okay, going upside down." She states. "Stand to whatever side of the pole is most comfortable, and whatever side you stand on, place the opposite foot close to the base of the pole." she tells us. "So, I'm standing to the left of the pole, so my right foot is gonna be near the base of the pole, and my right hand is gonna hold the pole at shoulder height, and you'll want to hold the pole close to you so it's a tighter spin."

"Ooo." Steven comments to add interest, sipping his beer.

"Now, your other hand, will hold the pole higher up, like this." Her left hand holds the pole higher up. "Then you kick the leg that's furthest from the pole, up." Her left leg kicks up. "While acting like you're trying to pull the pole downward." She's upside down in half a second. "Then the leg you kicked up wraps around the front of the pole, and the leg you kept closest to the pole, goes behind. And when you slide down," she slowly starts making her way to the floor, "keep your chin tucked so you don't fall and break your neck." She reaches the floor and is smoothly laid onto her back before she stands up.

"Okay, Viv, you try." Steven nudges at me.

"Yeah, Viv." Sharise echos, smiling at me.

"Oh, dear." I mumble, getting up from my chair, Duff, Steven and Sharise clapping as I get up on stage, standing to the left of the pole.

"Okay, so, right foot." I put it at the base of the pole. "Left foot here, right hand here, left hand here..." I say to myself.

"Now, kick." She tells me and I do so.

Obviously I'm not as graceful, looking like an upside down koala clinging to a tree for dear life, my eyes squeezed closed, a sound between a laugh and a shriek coming out of me.

"Be sexy, Viv." Stevie suggests.

I open my eyes, seeing his right side up figure sitting at the table with Duff and Sharise.

"I don't think I can get down." I admit, my legs keeping on the pole but curling closer and closer into me as my fear of falling on my head grows.

Duff and Steven sarcastically cheer, and I feel the sprinkling of cash fall over me before turning my head to glare at them.

"Here." Adriana helps me down, chuckling at them poking fun at me while Sharise thinks it's pretty funny, too.

"Nice job, babe." Stevie states sarcastically and I raise a brow.

"You get up here and do it, then." I reply and he scoffs.

"Oh, I will." He stands up, sashaying to the stage seductively and I hold back my laughter as Adriana raises her brows. "Okay, get down, lemme have my moment to shine." He nudges Adriana and I off stage and we go to sit at the table with Sharise and Duff.

Steven, the natural performer and entertainer he is, starts completely winging it--giving us a hot but very questionable strip tease.

I wrinkle my nose when he gets his shirt off and starts coming down from the stage, walking towards me.

His incredibly hairy chest grows closer and closer and I already know his motivations before he can get to me.

I try to get out of dodge, but Duff is a traitor and holds at my wrist so I can't get away.

I feel Steven's arms wrap around me, his itchy fur against my back and I squeal as Duff, Sharise and Adriana continue to laugh their asses off.

Nikki could barely get the hair on his chest to grow, and when it finally did, he was proud. I had never seen that much hair until I saw Steven with his shirt off.

He had enough hair on his chest and his stomach to make sweaters...when he was naked (which I discovered tended to happen when he got very drunk) I never looked long enough to try to find his prick in the thick of his pubes.

He's just a hairy, hairy, man.

I'm finally calming down and elbowing Steven, gently, getting him off of me in time to look at him, seeing Nikki leaning against the bar in the corner, looking oh so unamused.

"H-Hey." I say to him, really pushing Stevie away.

I don't want him to face Nikki's wrath incase Sikki decides to make an appearance and say something smart about us having fun together without his supervision.

He had gotten upset with me over staying the night with Duff, and I had finally shut him up with:

"You're angry because you know how you treat me, and you know the day I decide I'm done with your bullshit I can walk away from you and have every reason to do so! And I'll be even more inclined to walk away if there's someone that treats me better, and there is! You know there is and you can't stand the thought of it but you don't want to change, either, so I don't know what to tell you other than I'm here with you and I'm not going anywhere. But I'm getting tired, Nikki. Okay? I'm getting tired."

He didn't have a word to say to that. He just stormed out and slammed the door, and found Vanity.

"Hi!" Vanity's soft but perky voice echoes and I notice she's behind the bar, stealing liquor to hand Nikki a bottle of Jack.

Duff and Steven exchange looks before Steven's letting out a "hi!" in his own enthusiastic way.

She's sliding back across the bar to step to us, hugging me tightly to her.

"How are you?" I ask her, Nikki walking over to us.

"Fine, until Nikki started in on me f--"

"So, what're you guys doing tonight?" Nikki interrupts her and she rolls her eyes.

"Baby, I'm talking." She whines.

"Baby?" I ask and I swear I hear Duff nearly choke on his beer.

"Yeah, 'baby'. Ya know...just a cute little pet name I give some of my friends." She explains.

"Well, can you not call him that?" I ask her politely.

Her brows arch and her smile twitches.

"Sure." She finally lets out and everyone seems to let out a breath of relief, probably imagining the two of us getting into a spat over something so stupid.

"Duff, Steven, I was thinking we meet up with T-Bone tonight. Heather's outta town and he wanted to invite you guys and Slash over." He explains.

"Cool." Steven shrugs, but Duff hesitantly looks at me.

Nikki follows his line of sight and cuts his eyes for a moment.

"The fuck you looking at her for? Do you need her permission or something?" He suddenly snaps and Duff looks at him.

"I can't tonight, man. Thanks though." Duff replies coolly, finishing his beer, standing up.

"Girls, I was actually thinking of a girls night." Vanity tells Sharise and I, pulling our attention away from Nikki scowling at Duff as the tall blonde mumbles walks away, mumbling about going to the restroom.

Me and Sharise exchange looks before we're cautiously testing the waters.

"I can't. I'm gonna be with Sky." Sharise puts in.

"Oh, well, us then." Vanity beams at me.

"Actually, now that I think about it, I think you two can come with Steven and Slash and me to Tommy's." Nikki suggests.

Oh, he was saving his ass. He always played it off, but I now know anytime Vanity and I were together without him their to moderate what was being said on her part, he was a nervous wreck, always waiting for Vanity to mess up in a drunken rant or cracked out haze and let it slip she and Nikki were an item.

I still think back on how absolutely stupid I was.

All the signs, red flags, warnings, everything, were right in my face.

The biggest one being...

"When did you get that?" I ask Nikki as we head to his bike to go to the Seventh Veil.

It's a Roman numeral "V", and I keep trying to figure out what significance the number "5" has to him.

"While I was out last night." He replies.

"I leave you, Tommy, Slash and Stevie and Vanity alone and you get a tattoo?" I ask with a chuckle.

I didn't go to Tommy's last night because I was too tired to go party it up with him. We got home last night before Nikki went to his house and I climbed in bed and passed out.

"Yeah. Are you surprised though?" He asks me and I look at him and grin, shaking my head a little bit.

"Nope." I reply.

Once we get to the club, we're met by a plethora of girls, and Vince and Tommy looking like they're in absolute heaven.

I actually take the time to introduce myself to the girls, learning their names and trying to get along with them.

That's pretty easy to do because even though they look intimidating, they're nice.

Would I trust them alone in a room with my husband? No.

Are they sweet girls, though? Yes.

Wayne gives us an hour to get ready, even though they're basically already ready, and change into what we're going to wear in the video.

Ross wants to take promotional shots of the guys with the group of pretty women before it gets dark out.

So, while Sharise and I get ready, the band and the dancers are hitting the street to take pictures.

My favorite of those photos has to be of Nikki surrounded by them all hugged up and close to him and he's just eating up the attention. Of course he had to put on for the camera, but maybe if I would have gone, I would have been able to see exactly how comfortable he was touching on other women.

I finish my makeup as Sharise starts changing into her lingerie and I follow suit, raising a brow at the set she picked bought for me.

"Isn't that cute?" She asks me, nodding to the articles in my hands and I look at her.

"It's uh...revealing."

"As lingerie typically is, Viv." She replies with a small chuckle.

"Yeah, but...?" I hold up the thong for emphasis.

"What about it?"

"My ass is gonna be out. And one wrong move and my pussy is gonna be out there with it." I state.

"No, it won't, you don't have anything to worry about."

I let out a breath, hesitating to put it on and she frowns at me a little bit.

"Vivian, are you alright?"

"Yeah." I state.

"Are you gonna finish getting ready before the guys get back?"

I just nervously glance at her.

"Okay." She says, finishing putting her heels on. "What's up with you, huh?"

"I don't know if I want to do this." I admit.

"Why not?" She asks me and I raise a brow.

"I'm just--I don't know. I'm just not..." I motion my hands around my body and she looks confused before it clicks and she's suddenly looking like she doesn't believe me.

"Tell me it isn't because you don't think you look good?"

I don't answer and she let's out a breath, smiling at me.

"Vivian, you are a gorgeous girl. There's no need to think you aren't. I promise." She assures me and I inhale and exhale before nodding. "Good. Now get changed and c'mon so we can get this over with and the guys can stop badgering us about it, alright?"

"Alright." I smile, taking my clothes off to slip into the brand new lingerie.

I was weirding myself out because I had never had confidence issues, but something about 1987 just made everything plummet.

The only brightside was that I was beginning to be weaned off my antidepressant.

I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing, but I found out in 1988 that it wasn't necessarily good.

Being surrounded by all those women, very pretty, very fit, very sexy women, just made me feel like a fish out of water.

I guess when you're raised to believe showing the bottom of your thigh is a sin, you can feel like you're in a completely different universe that you don't belong in when you're faced with the responsibility of prancing around in your underwear for men, and the world, to see.

I was always happy when I felt like Nikki was proud to have me as a wife, but he just wanted me in that video to show off what he got to bed down anytime he wanted it.

"Girls, we're starting in five!" Wayne yells on the other side of the dressing room door as Tommy and Nikki step in, grinning at all the half naked, gorgeous women in here.

I straighten my crucifix, before my eyes hone in on the faint scar on my thigh that's just a little visible through the stockings, and doubt sprigs in my mind that other people might be able to see it.

I fucking hate the damn thing and it's quickly becoming the current bane of my existence.

"Girls, c'mon." Tommy playfully puts in, grinning, motioning them to the door.

They giggle softly, smiling at him as they step to the door, Tommy playfully patting all of them on the ass as they walk by, causing me to roll my eyes when it's my turn.

He just smiles down at me, folding his hands behind his back, innocently.

"We'll be there in a second." Nikki tells him.

"K." Tommy replies, tucking a dancer under his arm, shutting the door behind him.

I turn away from Nikki, facing the mirrors, pretending to make any last adjustments to my hair and makeup as he leans against the closed door.

He looks gone as shit, but when doesn't he, anymore?

After what seems like hours, he's stepping towards me, his hand reaching around my front, tugging the tie of my short, silk robe, his fingertips brushing up my stomach as he watches me in the mirror.

He pushes the robe off my shoulder, exposing my bare skin, pulling my curled hair to my other shoulder before pressing hot kisses to the previously revealed one, leaning his weight against my back, pulling my ass against his groin, causing me to let out a sigh and allowing myself a few seconds of bliss before remembering he's been mean the past few days...and said some fucked up shit when I told him where I had stayed that night he ditched me in town.

"Nikki," I start, his tongue and teeth traveling to my neck while his other hand slides down my highcut, dark-green, sequined, thong and finely meshed fishnet stockings. "Nikki, stop." I let out and he huffs out a breath, getting off of me, rolling his eyes.

"The fuck is wrong, now, Viv?"

"Okay, you can't just scream shit to me like you did earlier and then pretend everything is fine without addressing it."

"I can't even remember what the fuck I say to you half the time so I'm sorry if you're ridiculously needy and constantly need to be reassured we're 'okay' after every fucking disagreement. We're okay. Does that make you feel better?"

"No, because it's bullshit. We're not."

I notice him staring at my body, readjusting himself. "Are you even listening to me?"

"Of course."

"Then what did I say?"

"...Okay, I was more focused on your body language..." He says. "...which was telling me you're pissed off over absolutely nothing." He smirks and I cut my eyes at him. "Okay, okay, truce: I'll apologize for whatever you think I did wrong, if you just give me two minutes."

"Two minutes to what?" I furrow my brows.

He grins like the Cheshire Cat.

A minute later I'm gasping for breath, arching my back as Nikki flicks his tongue between my legs, my thong and stockings on the floor as my legs rest over his shoulders.

"Sixx and Sixx and a half, you ready?!" Wayne calls, knocking on the door.

"Almost, man, I'm finishing up on my dinner!" Nikki replies, winking at me.

"What does that have to do with Viv?!"

A loud moan falls from my lips when he suddenly shoves two fingers into me, and my face heats up at the sound of Wayne groaning in disgust and frustration because we're running behind.

"Just hurry the fuck up!" He orders, walking away.

Nikki goes back to what he was doing before we were interrupted, and I'm coming within a few more seconds.

Once I get as cleaned up as I can get, I'm pulling my stockings and panties back on before dropping my robe.

"Woah, woah, woah!" Nikki stops me before I can walk out. "That's what you're wearing out there?"

"Yeah? You saw it a second ago, didn't you?"

"The robe was kinda covering this up." He motions to my matching dark green, sequined bra that goes with my bottoms, my boobs nearly spilling out of it because it's designed to push them up.

"Okay, and?"

He turns me around, a weird look on his face as he looks over me.

"I don't like it." He finally says.

My confidence plummets and I look down at myself and up at him again.

"W-What? What do you mean?" I self-consciously try to cover myself up with my arms.

"It's just...slutty." He shrugs.

"Nikki, you don't mind when I dress up like this at home."

"That's different. That's for me."

I realize I look perfectly fine, he's just pissy I'm gonna be in the video that he begged me for weeks to be in, but I'm actually dressing the part instead of trying to keep it as modest as I can.

My self-consciousness evaporates and I raise a brow.

"It's called being more fun." I say, echoing what he told me the other night. "You wanted me in the video, Nikki, and now I'm in it. If you don't appreciate that, there are plenty of people out there that are going to." I slip my heels back on and he rolls his jaw. "C'mon, before Wayne kills us." I kiss his cheek and slip out the door, hearing a loud crash behind me due to Sikki throwing a few things around in the room out of anger.

He just thought he wanted to show me off, apparently once he realized the consequences of his actions of pressuring me for weeks to do the video, he despised the idea.

And Wayne, being completely all-in, just kept adding fuel to that fire.

"Alright, I need shots of you," Wayne tells Natalie, a blonde with the long hair pulled back into a ponytail, "you," he points to Pam, another blonde, but she has huge, fake boobs, that are barely being contained in her white bikini, "annnnd," he takes a moment, pressing his lips together as he examines the group of us, "Vivian. You're up to bat."

"I'm what?" I ask.

"She's what?" Nikki echoes me.

"Um, I thought I was just gonna be in the background." I add.

"Nikki said he wanted you front and center in some of the frames."

"I did?" Nikki snaps.

"You sure did." Wayne brushes him off, nodding at me. "Viv, c'mon, stage, center pole, now."

Vince is so obnoxiously pleased with this turn of events.

"I can't pole dance." I state to Wayne.

"Thought you used to dance?"

"Ballet. Not stripping." I reply.

"Oh." He furrows his brows before shrugging. "Well, just give a pole spin or something simple that I can catch in a handful of fps."

The look of utter anger on my husband's face from where he, Tommy, Vince and Mick were sitting in front of the stage, when I rested my back against the pole, facing them, and slid down in to a split...he probably wanted to murder me and Wayne at that moment.

I got a sick sense of satisfaction from it.

Before Wayne can yell "cut", Nikki's hand wraps around my ankle, suddenly, and he's snatching me to him.

I try not to scream at the pain of my joints popping in my hip.

His grip is hard, biting into me, and his pinpointed eyes are mocking me, despite his smirk disguising his anger, but the camera is still rolling so I make myself smile and laugh it off as if he's joking incase Wayne decides to keep the footage in.

Nikki's also decently aware of this possibility and instead of screaming at me like I know he wants to do, he kisses me.

He did keep it in, and it honestly looks merely harmless in the video. It just looks like we're goofing off.

He hauls me off stage, throwing me over his shoulder, his hand coming down on my ass one good time, sending a stinging heat throughout me that I actually yelp out "OW" in response to.

Once he sets me down, his hand is gently rubbing over my aching hip and I wince.

"I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to do that." He admits in my ear.

I don't acknowledge it, hearing Wayne give orders to Natalie and Pam.

Once they're done with specific shots, he's replaying the "Girls, Girls, Girls" and telling the guys to "just go for it" so he can get the candid shots he wants.

Shots that include Vince offering Sharise money he's holding between his teeth as she gets handsy with him, grinning widely at him, looking absolutely perfect as she always manages to do so effortlessly. Another one includes him scooping her up in his arms, about to carry her out with her laughing.

A shot that I know won't make the censored version of the video is Nikki using his arm to clear off a table with a few business men at it, tossing me onto it with little warning, before biting between my legs, causing me to get red with embarrassment as he gives a second nip to my thigh, my stomach my chest and finally, my smile-adorned lips.

As the night goes on, Wayne captures everything he needs, including moving all of us girls back into the dressing room with Nikki and Tommy "helping" us get ready for the stage while Mick plays his guitar in one of the chairs in front of the vanity with girls touching up their makeup and outfits all around him.

Once Wayne's finished inside, he and the guys head outside to film them riding their motorcycles down the street and catcalling pretty girls. Sharise and I don't necessarily want to see that, so we hang back at the Seventh Veil and get changed.

"I think we all did good." Natalie pipes, grinning.

"Me too." Missy, the shorthaired brunette, adds. "So..." she starts, glancing at me as I pull my jeans on. "...You and Nikki have been together for how long?"

"Umm, married almost four years, we've been together for six, though." I explain and she nods.

"I was just wondering. It's hard to tell with a lot of these rock guys, ya know? I mean, some of them think if they aren't with their wife or their girlfriend, they have permission to mess with other girls." She says. "Some guys are with their wives or girlfriends and still do that, though."

"I'd kill him." I scoff out.

"Oh, me too." Sharise echoes.

"So, like, how do you get them to stay faithful, then?" Natalie asks us smoothly, her shaped brows furrowing slightly.

It seems like such an easy answer, but the more I dwell on it, the harder it is to find words...or an explanation.

"Well, um," I start, letting out a breath. "You do the best you can do. And if that isn't good enough then that's basically saying you aren't good enough, and you don't wanna be with someone who thinks that way about you anyway."

"So if you found out he was cheating or has cheated, you'd leave? Just like that?" Missy asks next.

"I've never thought of it. I don't know what I'd do, really. Except cry."

"No, no, no." Pam states, pointing at me. "You key the bikes and bust all the windows and tires from the cars, you destroy the record collections, you vandalize the house, and you get the fuck outta dodge." She says. "At least that's what I'd do."

"And that's why you've never been married." Missy adds, the two of them chuckling.

"I'd stay." Natalie pipes and we all look at her. "What? I know my worth, but with that much money, your financial security is guaranteed."

"Until the band becomes washed up and can't make a buck off a show anymore, sweetie." Pam replies. "Never settle for someone because you feel financially secure. That's how all these people end up killing themselves. They're so miserable but surrounded by all the money in the world. Money doesn't mean happiness."

"No, but a designer handbag every week does." Natalie suggests.

"Ha ha." Pam sarcastically lets out, rolling her eyes. "What about you, Viv? Love or financial security?"

"I'd gladly go back to living in that shitty apartment he had when the guys were broke as hell, starting out, if it meant getting rid of all the complicated shit and just loving each other." I say truthfully.

No amount of money would have been able to make me cover my eyes and knowingly allow him to do what he had been doing to me.

But you would have thought that was the case considering how much he got away with right under my nose.

I just had so much faith in him, I believed in him more than I believed in God.

That was one mistake of many.

#nikki sixx #mötley crüe #nikki sixx fanfiction #nikki sixx x oc #gateway drug

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geek-gem · 5 years

Text

I've rewatched Godzilla 2014

It's been a long time since I've seen the film. At one point it was tv but it wasn't at the start and I just didn't wanna watch it. It was in the first half where Ford and Joe are finally at Joe's apartment or something.

Yet yeah I just watched the film after a long time basically.

I watched the DVD version that was included with this package. To be honest weird the Warner Bros DVD menus all look the same in a way. First Rampage, San Andreas, now Godzilla 2014.

But back to the main point. Now that I'm older and what are my thoughts.

I liked it.

But I wanna share something that Gareth Edwards said about this movie. Okay I looked in Wikipedia and Google. I am not sure if Gareth Edwards said it. But it was something about making The Dark Knight of Godzilla.

Gonna tell you that saying....is something.

Yet I feel compared to The Dark Knight, a film I haven't seen fully for a long time. I appreciate the direction the film was going for. Especially because of that 1998 mess of a film from TriStar.

But also...compared to The Dark Knight....which is when I look at it a awesome film. Godzilla 2014 could be a lot more better. But also I wanna make a joke where King Ghidorah starts saying shit, "Wanna know how I got these scars?" I was gonna say Kevin should say it but let Ichi say that shit instead. Or it would most likely be like, "Wanna know how we got these scars?"

Let me tell you I don't mind and I do love more serious Godzilla stories. The original 1954 film and it's 1956 American version are classics that hold up to this day.

I weirdly wanna call Godzilla 2014 a more serious version of Godzilla 2000. But there are no aliens in this.

Let's get some positives out of the way. Godzilla and the Muto's are pretty damn cool when they are on screen.

Including the score is good while it's at it. Especially my favorite characters were Serizawa, Vivianne Graham, and even Ford Brody. Everyone does do a good performance in there own right.

But I should just get to the point. Especially what the problem I have with this film now. I understand build up and what the film is trying to do. I remember now, here's the problem I have with this film.

The characters aren't the most interesting. I'll be honest the film gets better once the Titans start coming out. But again the characters and while I did like Joe Brody and what was going on with his character. Despite even if it was for a short time.

But the characters don't pull me in that much. I understand as a fan of Kaiju and other stuff like that. We are here for the monsters. Yet while they are gone the humans are around and they can be good characters. Really there is nothing wrong with many of the characters.

Yet they don't pull me in. The film doesn't feel that exciting. Basically I need more of a reason to care for certain characters.

Including to be honest as I watched the film. I don't mind Ford as a character. Who's our main protagonist. He isn't a bad character, and I like certain moments with him. Also I know the whole shit that soldiers need to control their emotions and stuff.

Also towards the end I loved the little moments where he and Godzilla there are parallels with them. Such as them looking at each other, and when they fall.

Yet the point is Ford isn't a character that isn't the most exciting.

I'm gonna be a hypocrite and say something like I think this film was being a bit too serious. Which is absolute bullshit considering we have the original film. That's the idea it's the human characters.

Including I'm bothered by stuff like the lighting when it's nighttime on the monsters. Where they blend in with the buildings.

Also I'll say this I know the comparisons to Jaws and Alien. But the problem with that is those two are especially Jaws are some of the greatest films of all time. With characters that you gain interest in and you like them.

Godzilla 2014 tries that and I understand the direction they went with. But when you have characters that don't interest you as much. I just felt like I was watching the film.

Including watching the film now I understand why many people were displeased with this film. To the point they liked that 1998 film much more. Which I'll mention again later.

Along with the fact no wonder why I think with each installment of the Monsterverse gets better. Because of the different takes but also showing the monsters more. Including more entertaining characters.

I'm sorry I sound like an action junkie. Especially as someone who understands the seriousness of what Godzilla is as a symbol of quite some things.

In fact I wanna say this and almost forgot. I wanna be honest and I want to talk about this with some folks.

Is it possible everyone's bitching about Ford Brody as a character is the reason why we don't get more soldiers as main protagonists? It depends on the story the person is talking about. But it just makes me think. Mainly that Sonic movie but whatever else.

It can be about any film especially Transformers and whatever big franchise that has action or whatever. It's just me theorizing that I feel is the reason there isn't more soldier protagonists in films like these. Yet I could be wrong.

But I wanna say this. This is a alright start to the Monsterverse. I'll be honest too, I feel this year's Godzilla King Of The Monsters is truly what I wanted from an American Godzilla film. Such as the characters, story, score, monsters, and other things. Hopefully Godzilla Vs Kong continues that trend of being better each time. Especially the fact KOTM 2019 did actually make me cry which I've mentioned before.

Along with the important fact, despite my problems with this film. This is a Godzilla film, Gareth Edwards and everyone who worked on this film treated the character with dignity and respect. Even though I had problems with the film in my mind I feel like a good comparison might be the 1970's King Kong remake. But I think that's stupid considering we have Kong Skull Island.

The point being everyone who worked on this film made a Godzilla film, and again treated the character with dignity. Especially compared to the 1998 meme of a film that is TriStar's Godzilla. Where it was made by two guys Roland Emmerich and Dean Devlin who actually said there were no good Godzilla films. Despite how iconic and important the original 1954 film was.

I know it's repetitive to mention Godzilla 1998 and the way I see it, it's basically the Sonic 06 of the Godzilla franchise.

But I wanted to get my point across. The 2014 film did it's job to redeem itself what happened with the first American remake. Now we have the Monsterverse, a worthy sequel fans and audiences love, and an upcoming crossover with Godzilla and King Kong himself.

I will mention the reason I haven't watched this film earlier during vacation because was worried it would bore people. My brother and his friend watched it with me, but my brother went to bed soon, and the last 15 minutes his friend went to the bathroom.

For a lot of the movie it was just me experiencing it. Even told them I was worried it would of bored them, before that heard someone said because it was too scary or whatever.

During the movie my brother asked if I liked Godzilla 2 which he means KOTM, or the 2014 film. I told him I liked the 2nd one more. This was again during the movie. Basically was realizing why I liked that film more.

It was fun seeing his friends reaction to how huge Godzilla was. Strange he thought the male Muto was Godzilla, had to correct him. But yeah the size thing was fun and my brother thought he didn't look that huge. Despite his friend literally searched up Godzilla's height in the 2014 film after I mentioned his height in the 2019 film, and what he possibly was in the 2014 film.

I got the tags dealt with, it's 1:24 am, I'm not going to bed now. But this is my thoughts on the film after rewatching it after a long time now. 1:25 am

Edit 2:39 am I'll mention this when Godzilla finally showed up, my brother's friend said Godzilla's legs were thick or something or that he was thick, whatever just wanna share that. 2:40

#godzilla #godzilla 2014 #monsterverse

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Rio & Buster

Rio: This flight is long Rio: longer 'cos I don't wanna be on it 😒 Buster: Don't, I'm dreading flying back Rio: Can't stay there forever Rio: Unless you ask for that transfer too Rio: only fair Buster: We both could Rio: I really would have to buy my way in Rio: maybe my parents are susceptible to that kind of bribery, like you WANT me back in school, yeah Buster: You're forgetting I know how smart you are, babe Buster: They'd be lucky to have you, even though you're the most distracting Rio: 😏 Rio: Yeah, no way you'd be allowed when your grades mysteriously plummet Buster: Though I've just discovered that catching up on my work actually takes much less time if I ignore all the girls that are offering to help me right now Buster: So there's that Rio: Who'd have known, eh Rio: better than me, I don't even want to think about work or any of it yet Buster: I have to, 10 days is a long time, even though it didn't feel like long enough at all Rio: I know Rio: You'll do it though Buster: I've already done loads Buster: I started as soon as you left Rio: 🤓 Rio: but seriously Rio: well done, baby Buster: If I thought about you I knew I wouldn't be able to stop Buster: You were right when you said it'd be worse after Rio: I know that too Rio: feel that too Buster: At least if we were both thick we could pretend we ain't done the maths on how long it is Buster: The curse of perfection, like Rio: Truly Rio: we've both waited longer Rio: just gotta think how good waiting made it, yeah Buster: Yeah Buster: Not that I should be thinking about that at this exact moment Rio: Sorry Rio: having trouble thinking about anything else still Buster: Me too Rio: Headfuck Rio: nowhere near as fun Buster: Fun not being the word Rio: not even close to good enough but as I said Rio: preoccupied still Buster: You've got more privacy in first class than I do here right now Buster: Use it Rio: But Rio: you've spoilt me Rio: I want you Buster: But I wanna watch you Buster: I miss you Rio: You know how to break my resolve but what happened to yours Buster: I reckon I'm due a break Buster: You know I like to play as hard as I work Rio: Then let's play Buster: I'd play with you until you were begging me not to & the pilot had heard enough to risk crashing the plane Rio: You know I like danger Rio: but I'm feeling like begging for more, not less right now Buster: Go on then Buster: Convince me Rio: [pic on the floor 'cos that first-class legroom honey] Buster: Maybe you can have some more Rio: Only maybe Rio: okay, you need some more first too Rio: hold on Buster: Are you sure keeping me waiting is the best idea? Rio: It was that or give the poor air hostess a show she didn't ask for whilst she was topping up my drink Rio: [audio this time] Buster: She might have liked it Buster: You are good Rio: Would you? Rio: Enough marks I'm never forgetting who I belong to Buster: Is she hot? Rio: Yeah, pretty cute Buster: I'm not sharing you for 'pretty cute' Rio: Well I'm sure she's more your type than mine Buster: You're my type Buster: If you don't want her, I don't Rio: I want you Rio: no one else registers Buster: Good Buster: 'Cause I need you. Nobody else Rio: You've got me Rio: it's different this time in every way Rio: just 'cos I'm going, I'm not gone Rio: whenever you need me Buster: Wherever too, yeah? Rio: Of course Rio: even if I could say no to you, got no desire to Buster: Baby Rio: That stil gets me weak Rio: how the fuck Rio: I read that in your voice Buster: Everything I do makes you weak, that's why Rio: yeah Rio: good thing you can be strong enough for the both of us then Buster: Not sure the hotel staff would agree when we broke the bed but I'll hold you up same as I did then Buster: You don't ever need to touch the floor when you're with me, babe, unless that's where we both want you Rio: That was so awkward Rio: just means we get to go to a new and better hotel next time though so Buster: For somewhere so old school the future didn't have much staying power Rio: That Freudian slip really tell me how it be Rio: won't get used to these heights, don't worry 😉 Buster: 😂 Buster: When I've also been dyslexic all this time Rio: 😏 Nancy gonna be so pissed Rio: don't take her struggle and overcome it, babe Buster: If anyone could Buster: I'm definitely not gay though so Rio: Don't be tryna 💔 that hard Buster: I can't, I promised Rio: Yeah Rio: and lbr, I could turn ya Rio: if anyone could Buster: I don't want any other girls but you that's as close as ever got Rio: They don't deserve you Rio: and they can't do you like I can Buster: I meant it when I said you're the best thing that's ever happened to me Buster: You just keep making that more & more true, like Rio: don't plan on stopping any time soon, don't you worry Buster: Don't stop Rio: I won't if you don't Buster: That's not gonna happen Rio: then never Buster: Rio Rio: Buster Buster: I read that in your voice & I can't fucking handle it Rio: I've not said anything as much as I've said your name Buster: Don't stop that either Buster: I love the way you say it Rio: Keep giving me reason to Buster: Easy Rio: Would be right now Rio: this seat is so big we could share Buster: & Everyone wears headphones so there'd be no need to stay that quiet Buster: All we'd need is a blanket Rio: Complimentary, of course Buster: Just like me. I'd be so nice to you, baby Buster: The entire flight Rio: All the way home, daddy? Buster: Of course Buster: I'll let you recover in the cab while carry your bags in & then come back for you Rio: I want that Rio: it's going to be so shit when I get off this plane and you ain't waiting for me the other end Buster: I won't let it be Rio: I'll be fine Rio: just miss you Buster: I've sent you a surprise, it'll be waiting for you to compensate for the fact I can't be Rio: You're so fucking nice Buster: You haven't opened it yet 😈 Buster: There are loads of things to remind you of me Rio: then that's still really fucking nice, no matter how 😈 everything is bound to be Rio: I'm excited Buster: Show me when you unwrap everything Buster: I wanna see your face Rio: Okay baby Rio: Indie better not open it 😂 Buster: I thought of that so I sent it to your mum & dad's Rio: So smart Rio: although I will now have to bullshit my way through a fake holiday with them Rio: but could be vaguely entertaining Buster: Okay so I didn't think that hard ahead Buster: But you'll be fine Rio: Yeah Rio: lowkey a turn-on 'cos whilst I'm selling them the lie, get to think of what we were actually doing Rio: so don't worry, babe Buster: I feel that, so many people have asked me if I'm feeling better Buster: The yeah's not even a lie but Rio: 😏 Rio: The shit you shouldn't do is always the most fun, just facts Rio: secrets are fun too Buster: Yeah Buster: That's why the party's are so wild here 'cause the drinking age is ridiculous Rio: Init Rio: you ain't even meant to be fucking Rio: America and it's morality Buster: The coke is great though Rio: 😂 Buster: Well, now I wanna go out Rio: I'm sure everyone's missed you Buster: Obviously Rio: You said you've earnt a break Buster: I took that, I gotta do more before I get another Rio: Don't let me distract you then, babe Buster: But that's what you do best Buster: Don't let me stop you Rio: Gotta priortize Rio: how you wanna play Buster: With you Buster: There's no contest Rio: then don't get completely off your face when I'm stuck in the air Rio: can't get on that level Buster: No brandy, I hear you Rio: mhmm Rio: you dumb Buster: Behave Rio: Not if you aren't Rio: no fair Buster: I won't do anything you don't want me to Rio: You can go Rio: not a buzzkill Buster: You've already proved that, you don't need to now Rio: Sorry Rio: I just turned my data back on and instantly regretted it Rio: that's the real comedown Buster: Tell me Rio: It's mostly just the mundane shit Rio: but loads from him obviously Rio: 'cos I told him I was going, so he wouldn't show up when Indie was home alone or something Rio: but clearly he took that as 'I wanna talk again' Buster: He didn't & Indie's alright, yeah? Rio: Yeah, I've been messaging her on socials, she's fine Rio: why I turned my data off, he's blocked everywhere but texts so Buster: Then give me his number, I'd love to talk to him Rio: I can't, he probably knows who you are Rio: he knows everything it's bizarre Buster: He'll know exactly who I am when I'm done Rio: Hot Rio: seriously, forget about him Rio: ain't giving him the attention he wants Buster: That'd be fine by me if he wasn't giving you attention you don't want Rio: I can handle that Buster: I know but you shouldn't have to Rio: It'll quiet down soon Rio: we all got crazy exes, those of us that do repeats anyway Rio: he'll get a new girl and I can get on with my life without him in the background, like Buster: If you say so, babe Buster: I trust you Rio: Good Rio: don't worry Buster: Don't make me Rio: I won't Rio: promise Rio: least the rest have let themselves be ghosted with dignity so that's something Buster: That don't mean don't tell me, you know, before you promise Buster: Ignorance ain't bliss Rio: I'll tell you if I need to, yeah Rio: trust, no one needs this play by play Buster: If you need to for any reason, not just if you need me to sort it Rio: I promise, okay Buster: Okay Rio: So, what do you reckon, is anyone here got enough clout that they looked the other way when checking their bags for bags Rio: I'm bored Buster: Probably Buster: They only care about terrorists Rio: Tell that to Drew, let him know, like Buster: Not until I've gone though Buster: Cheers Rio: don't wanna hit him up to soon Rio: I ain't looking to have a stomach full of crack tah Buster: Fair Buster: When I say you can do anything, not what I mean Rio: Not my aspiration in life, gotta be said Buster: At least the ones you do have will keep you busy until I'm done here Rio: Then what Buster: Then I'll keep you busy all summer Rio: Mm, sounds like a plan Buster: It is, babe. It's my plan Rio: Um, OURS Rio: 'scuse you Buster: Alright, ours Rio: Always trying to claim the best ideas Buster: Hit me with your best right now Buster: I dare you Rio: Answer this call Buster: [does obvs] Rio: [put on that facetime show but try and be quiet please] Buster: [we know that ain't gonna happen but at least don't be as loud as you could be] Rio: [getting kicked off the plane is not goals lol] Buster: [at least he can afford to buy her another flight but still probably don't] Rio: [just thinking of that gifset lol] Buster: [god bless] Rio: see Rio: full of good ideas Buster: You really are Buster: Fuck Rio: don't doubt me again, yeah Buster: Sorry babe, but if it means you'll be that inspired, I might have to Rio: Alright Rio: I don't hate proving you wrong, I guess Buster: Behave, I wasn't wrong Rio: 🙄 Rio: admit it, I have the best ideas Buster: You have good ideas, I never said you didn't Rio: You implied it Rio: you're mean 😏 Buster: You're into it Rio: Only sometimes Rio: the rest you gotta treat me like 👑 Buster: You ain't gotta tell me how to treat you. I know Rio: Yeah Rio: you're good Rio: 😇 Buster: No, you are. It's that simple Buster: I wanna give you what you deserve Rio: You deserve that too Buster: As long as I keep making sure I deserve you that's all that matters Rio: stop making me weak Buster: You're all I want, you already know that Rio: but I feel stupid how much I want you right now Buster: Don't Buster: It's not stupid Rio: It's just Rio: what if it all goes wrong again Buster: I told you, I'm not gonna let that happen Rio: You know, that'd be worse this time too Rio: and I just don't want that Rio: so we can't Buster: We won't Buster: I need you, Rio Rio: I need you Buster: You can trust me Rio: Okay Rio: I don't know how this happened Rio: but I know we have to roll with it Rio: the alternative doesn't work Buster: Yeah Buster: & I know I ain't the same cunt I was before this Buster: I don't wanna go back Rio: Me either Rio: so we won't Rio: easy Buster: I really miss you though, that ain't Rio: Yeah Rio: I never wanted to leave Buster: I didn't want you to. I still don't Buster: Come back Rio: I'll turn this plane 'round Rio: hold on Buster: If anyone could, babe Rio: If we'd have got caught earlier, maybe Rio: but you'd have to talk them out of that no-fly list, probably Buster: We can always go again Buster: I've got you Rio: How are we ever gonna get anything done Rio: when we're so distracted Buster: You've distracted me since we were kids Buster: Things get done 'cause they have to, like Buster: We'd be your ex if we didn't, that's all the motivation you need Rio: who needs the books or inspirational speeches Rio: ugh Buster: We're gonna do epic shit, me & you Rio: You know it, babe Rio: what choice do we have Buster: There's always a choice but we're making the right ones. End of Rio: can make the wrong ones sometimes though Rio: just for fun, like Buster: Stop making it really fucking hot, I'm trying to motivate you Rio: 😋 Rio: please motivate me Buster: Jesus Buster: I actually want you constantly Rio: I know Rio: no matter how deep you go or hard or whatever it's never enough you're so Rio: I can't be close enough to you Buster: If anyone else said that to me I'd have lost my shit in the total opposite way to how I am now Buster: Do you know how fucking special you are to me? Can I ever explain, like Rio: 'Cos you feel it too Rio: you know exactly what I mean Rio: I just want you, in all aspects of my life Rio: nothing else is interesting to me now Buster: I feel emotional, shut up Rio: That's what I was saying Rio: weak Rio: idk, don't planes make some people emotional Buster: I'm not on a plane & I can't be weak Rio: Yeah you can Rio: who am I telling, and what Rio: you can be whatever you need with me Buster: Can I? Rio: Yeah Rio: of course Rio: I want you to Buster: I've just never Buster: Felt this, done this Buster: Any of it Rio: It's different from anything I've ever experienced too Rio: but you know Rio: I can be strong for you too Rio: I don't want you to think it's one way Rio: another stress Buster: I don't think that Buster: I know how strong you are Rio: Good Rio: you can trust me too, okay Buster: I do Rio: Ugh Rio: fuck Rio: I miss you Buster: Seriously, come back Buster: We got away with it, we can again Rio: I'll lose my job Rio: you'll lose all that cash Buster: I'll get you a new job Buster: When you want it Rio: 😏 how are you gonna do that then Buster: I live in Dublin too, I know people Rio: I thought you were motivating me Rio: not being a bad influence 😈 Buster: I'm motivating you get what you really want Buster: Me Rio: Baby Buster: Please Rio: You know it's exactly what I want too Rio: but we can't Buster: Nobody can stop us, except us, & why should we if that's not what we want Rio: 'cos you've gotta focus on school whilst you're there Rio: and I've got stuff here that I've gotta do too Buster: This school requires no focus, compared to the one back home it's like nursery Buster: I know you're worried about Indie but it ain't your job to raise her Rio: but someone has to Rio: you know he can't Rio: don't Buster: Let your parents then Buster: They want to Rio: They clearly have a great handle on the kids they have Rio: not like their 16 year old has just been...where, with who? Rio: it's not that simple Rio: never has been, sad but true Buster: Come on, that's different, we're not kids Rio: I wanna say yes but I don't wanna break a promise either Buster: I know, it's okay Buster: I'm not trying to put pressure on, like, I am but only 'cause you should be making choices for you Buster: Like you said, you're 16, we ain't kids but you ain't gotta live like you're 36 Buster: What about Drew's sister, can't she help? Rio: I can never just make choices for me though Rio: she's already upset I left, and all the other kids act like I ditched them becaused I moved out already Rio: like it or not, that's how it is for me Rio: she does, but Indie is Rio: hard to manage, like Buster: Forget I said anything Buster: It's only a couple of months now anyway Buster: I'm being unfair Rio: You aren't Rio: it is what I want Rio: and I want you to be happy too Rio: but we got some shit we just gotta do, yeah Buster: Yeah Buster: That's life Rio: Mhmm Rio: stupid real life Buster: It's a shame we can't bring Indie here, she'd love it, like Rio: Seriously Rio: she'd have no issue saying yes Buster: She might have an issue with me & you but who won't Rio: Well yeah Rio: that's a whole other subject Rio: she's easily distracted but probably not that much Buster: Even your little brothers ain't that out of it Rio: no, they ain't Rio: that's gonna be harder too now Rio: being around everyone Buster: Yeah Buster: It's fucked Rio: We can do it Rio: we'll have to but Buster: At least it's always been like that for me, I'm sorry I brought you there too with yours Rio: What do you mean Buster: Your fam love you & shit Buster: You know Rio: Yeah Rio: yours do too though Rio: not me, though sure, everyone does Buster: It's not the same Rio: no, true Rio: it's not like my family is idylic Rio: everyone's got their shit Buster: 'Course Rio: I'm saying, I was already there Rio: you ain't done anything, so don't need to apologize Buster: I've done loads to you over the last few days but sure Buster: Not sorry for any of that Rio: 😏 definitely don't be Rio: I'm not Rio: even if it is a shame I can't tell anyone just how good it was Buster: You can Buster: Just think up a new boyfriend that you just have to come back & see ASAP Rio: Okay Rio: but they ain't gonna KNOW the level 'cos they won't know it's you Rio: have to keep that my secret, like Buster: Secrets turn you on, there's no denying it Rio: You turn me on Rio: it's total coincidence Buster: Yeah? Rio: I mean, yeah, it's seriously hot 'cos you're off-limits but I think I'd still want you if you weren't Rio: don't you think? Buster: Obviously I would Buster: Look at you Rio: 😋 Rio: exactly Rio: just a bonus who you are Rio: don't see me trying to get on any of my other cousins like, ew Buster: You're funny Rio: Does that mean you really don't think I am or Buster: It means you're making me laugh Buster: Maybe I'm just fucking hysterical still but Rio: awh Rio: I love your laugh Buster: Don't take the piss Rio: I'm not Rio: I'm sad I can't hear it Buster: Don't be sad either Rio: I'll try Buster: Try for me, baby Rio: 🤤 Buster: I'm in a state, why did I go out? Rio: For the coke, mostly Rio: you gone? Buster: I don't feel here Buster: But maybe that's 'cause you aren't Rio: Babe Rio: What do you need, what can I do? Buster: I'm alright Buster: Have to be Rio: You don't have to Rio: but if you're gonna be a mess be safe Buster: I don't wanna be a mess Rio: 'course not Rio: but sometimes we all have to be that too, like Buster: I can't Buster: You said it shouldn't be conditional, but it is Buster: When I fuck up they stop caring about me Rio: They still care it's just they don't show it in the right way 'cos they're disappointed Rio: it's still something, even if it feels like shit Buster: Bullshit. Nance is more than disappointed for one Rio: Well that's different with her Rio: stuff happened you'll have to agree to forget or talk about Buster: Don't hate me again, okay? Ever Rio: I never did, not really Rio: but I'm not going either, alright Buster: Yeah, don't Buster: There's nobody here that's Rio: That's what? Buster: It just feels like there's no one here but me Rio: You're just far away Rio: from real people Rio: and people who really know you Rio: but you're okay, I've got you Buster: I don't want that anymore Rio: What do you want? Buster: Things that are real Rio: Let's make that happen then Rio: we'll find real things for you Buster: You're real for me though Rio: Yeah Rio: Just 'cos we have to be apart for a bit, doesn't mean it's gotta be how it's always been Rio: I can talk to you all the time, be so annoying, I swear Buster: You're so cute, I swear Rio: Shh Rio: you Buster: No, 'cause you are & you don't know Rio: You're so sweet to me Buster: Not as sweet as I wanna be Buster: I don't know how to do that Rio: Well I like you Rio: I can always teach you Buster: You never did teach me how to kiss so Rio: You still want lessons, baby? Buster: Don't tell me I need 'em Rio: I don't think so but you sound like you're still bitter about it Rio: plenty other things I can show you Buster: Bitter ain't the word, don't worry Rio: Kid didn't stick around to dare us to try again, like Buster: He wanted your first kiss that's why Buster: Didn't reckon on me having it Rio: I'm glad it was you Rio: not gonna forget your name, like Buster: 😂 Rio: Serious Rio: got enough regrets since Buster: They'll motivate you if I can't Rio: you reckon Buster: 'Course Buster: Gotta keep doing better Rio: Yeah Rio: 'til what? Rio: what's the end goal? Buster: It's never over, you can always improve from where you were or get somewhere else you wanna be Rio: I guess so Buster: You calling bullshit? Rio: Nah Rio: Just thinking Buster: What? Rio: Just about what I want Rio: what I don't Buster: If you're about to dump me, you've really picked your moment, babe Rio: Shut up Rio: no Buster: Like cheers for letting me have these last few days first but Rio: 😂 Rio: Stop Rio: like you're getting off that easy Buster: You know you can get me off very easy, that's why I want you to stay Rio: 😏 Rio: touche Rio: and works for me Buster: Works on you too, everything I do for you Rio: You know you make me feel good, baby Buster: Better than good Rio: Yes Rio: happy Buster: You make me feel happy too Rio: Good, that's all I want Buster: Nothing else? Are you sure? Rio: Well Rio: if you're offering Buster: I am Buster: What do you want? Rio: Just you Rio: and you and more you Buster: I told you, you're fucking cute Rio: I just like you Buster: You're making me blush Rio: You're making me miss you so fucking much Rio: the cutest Buster: [sends pics of his cute face] Rio: 😍 Rio: you're unreal Rio: and mine Buster: I wanna kiss you so badly right now Buster: All these girls here & none of them are you Rio: It's so rude and unfair Rio: your lips are so soft Buster: I'm not gonna stop there Buster: Your skin is flawless Buster: My mouth needs to be on all of it Rio: Are you gonna be gentle? Buster: At first Rio: Buster Buster: I just like you too Rio: I know Rio: Be back soon Rio: okay Buster: Okay Rio: We're gonna have the best summer Buster: I promise Rio: 😊 Rio: we should go away somewhere else Buster: Where do you wanna go? Rio: Hmm Rio: anywhere hot Rio: the less clothes you need the better Buster: Fine, I admit you have the best ideas Rio: 😏 Rio: THANK YOU Buster: Don't shout at me Buster: So rude Rio: How could I Rio: being 'round you, making me forget my manners, I reckon Buster: You've gotta be a good girl Buster: Angelic like Buster: Who else is gonna balance me out Rio: Only for you Rio: 'cos you ask so nice Buster: Yeah, nobody else Buster: You're my baby, not theirs Rio: I'm so ridiculously yours Rio: I don't need nobody else Rio: or nothing Buster: I'll make sure you don't Buster: Give you everything Rio: I know you will Rio: you do Buster: Tell me I can get on a plane too & meet you there Rio: Is this a test Rio: of how good I am Rio: 'cos 😩 Buster: It's just what I want Rio: Me too Rio: you're fucking addictive Rio: actually Rio: sounds so cringe for how real it feels Buster: I can't tell anyone even if you said the most embarrassing shit ever uttered Buster: But that's not Buster: It's accurate Rio: Keep it in mind Rio: I still fucking feel you but not enough Rio: just aches Buster: Me too Rio: No matter how many times I make myself cum, I'm still craving you Buster: That's the hottest thing & also exactly how I feel Rio: Kinda never want this plane to land Rio: unless it's back with you, obviously Rio: real life is the worst Buster: If you don't land you can't open your present though Rio: that's true Rio: I should probably sleep but I don't wanna Buster: Dream about me Buster: That was real life too & it was the best Rio: I like sleeping with you Buster: Get on the phone, I'll tell you a story Rio: If you get any more daddy you're actually gonna have to put a kid in me Rio: warning you, like Buster: I'm keeping up with you, going home to be such a MILF Rio: 😂 Rio: you're just too fucking hot Rio: it's dangerous Buster: Don't worry baby, I'll keep you safe Rio: Stop Rio: or Imma come back and fuck up your whole life Rio: 😏 Buster: Come back & be my whole life Rio: 😍 Rio: I swear to GOD, boy Buster: Swear to me, you know you want to Rio: Fuck Rio: just fuck me Rio: fuck my whole life Buster: [calls her so he can sorry everyone] Rio: [either making this flight very interesting or very long for everyone else lmao] Buster: [at least she's not in business class that's just pervy men but she could've got that promo tho] Rio: [pass a bowl round] Buster: [lol imagine] Rio: [better leave this ‘fore an ily slip]

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vincentspork · 5 years

Text

euringer (2018) final review

I actually listened to this the day it released and most of it sucks, I would argue, unironically. I just kept forgetting to do a formal post to explain why

01 You Know.jpg

i hate it i HATE IT

02 If It Ain't You Today It Will Be You Tomorrow

it's like. alright. It does what it sets out to do I guess. I like Chantal(?)'s parts. I actually made an effort to give this a few repeats when it came out so I could figure out my feelings on it. Still not wholly sold on it, but I don't really mind hearing it.

03 Problematic

Stupid goddamn Too Many Bands Not Enough MDC/Bullshit cast-off fuckin goddamn repititious piece of shit fuck you make me an enchilada

04 That's How Jimmy Gets Down

You can tell I'm simple and I like the songs with the synthesizer rolls and Old Skewl (2003-era) MSI but I really actually do like this. I even downloaded it onto my phone so you can tell I was willing to sacrifice my precious android storage space for this. It helps that it could 100 percent pass itself off as a Lollipop Chainsaw boss track.

05 Be Afraid of Who You Are

Another very 2012 track in terms of production and it's very very good. If the whole album was this good I'd have no complaints

06 Piece of Me

Instrumentally I like it but lyrically it's awful. It's not even good enough to be an If reject. what the fuck happened

07 Wuthering Heights

I have never heard a good Kate Bush cover. This still stands as a true point even after this album released, and also confirms my hunch that covering Kate Bush should be legally banned in every country and on every planet

08 Detroit and Only Halfway Thru The Tour

It grew on me. It has a fun lead-in and even though I think Jimmy's voice has suffered over the years and thus can't really pull of falsetto well, it's still good.

09 Fuck Everything

I had a soft spot for this one from the beginning. It sounds like the credits song to a polarizing cyberpunk movie and I like that, along with the very straightforward, upbeat verses and more tense, emotional chorus (kind of like the inverse of Split Enz' I Got You, I guess.)

10 The Medicine Does Not Control Me

I hate that I love it as much as I do. I thought Gr*mes would totally ruin it, because even before she Did That (dated a billionaire dipshit) I could only tolerate her whole artistic ouevre for small nuggets of time, but when she's given a very strong piece of music she can add a lot to it with her performance, and, unfortunately, I do think this would be missing something if she weren't on this song.

11 What A Fool Believes

Two things: I hate that I now have a predispotion to sing Linkin Park over this, but secondly, this is literally. MSI's cover of Tom Sawyer.

12 Do You Kiss Your Mama With That Mouth?

I thought this sounded a little Self-Titled 2013-outtake-y but that's an insult to the sincerity that album had. I repeat, once again: me no likey. Instrumentally, it's fine, but lyrically it is SO grating, mainly because I predicted about half of the lyrics when I first saw the title.

13 Sailor In A Lifeboat

HELL YEAH FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAAAAAAAAH;HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

14 Random EMO Top Line Generator

I get it. It aint makin me laugh. But I get it

15 Two And A Half Years

wow it's like a left rights album but there's no jokes or experimentation. great. i feel like I'm being smacked on the nose with that stupid magazine article where Jimmy said "we were ten years ahead of the curve, and everyone finally caught up!" like that was an accomplishment. i hate it

#music tag

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eeveelutionsforequality · 6 years

Note

(1) As much as I know of the self diagnosis vs self advocacy debate, I haven't seen anyone talk about how to self advocate when it comes to mental health. I strongly suspect I am bipolar, since I have a confirmed history of major depressive episodes, but I also have periods of experiencing symptoms of hypomania. I was also subjected to bullshit social skills classes in high school (I'm autistic), which among other things, taught me to communicate indirectly to avoid hurting people's feelings.

(2) I know it is caused me problems with communicating, but I am still in the habit of doing that, and I realized that may be why I'm not getting anywhere when I bring it up to my therapist. I'm not comfortable with resorting to self-diagnosis at this time, but I also think the lack of a correct diagnosis is why therapy has not been helping me cope as much as it could. How do I bring it up in a way that will let my therapist know I want her to address my concerns?

I praise self-advocacy as an alternative to self-diagnosis, because those ballsy enough to walk into a psychiatrist's office or a conversation and declare "I have [thing]" are probably able to more rationally approach the subject in a "These are my symptoms and I think it could be this..." way. But just like how autobiographies aren't the only kind of biography, self-advocacy is far from the only kind of advocacy.

You don't need to be your own advocate, somebody else can come along and advocate for you - a friend, a family member, a volunteer from one of the local advocacy groups, etc. There's a group near me that advocates specifically for autistic people, for example.

If your conversation skills are inhibiting you from being able to adequately discuss things with a professional, you don't have to do it alone - it's definitely worth doing some googling, popping into some places that have leaflets for that sort of thing, etc, and finding out what's available near where you live if there's nobody in your life that can do that for you.

I have two advocates - one is a family member and one is an honourary family member. I do research, send it to them, and they keep notes about my symptoms, fluctuations, things I've shown them, etc, so that my memory issues don't become a barrier between me and what I want to explain. It's a life-saver.

At my last appointment, one came along and helped me fill in the forms, meaning that I got about twice the information down that I would've got down if I was relying on only my own brain. When I had to go to a tribunal, one came along then too, and they were excellent at spotting how the judge was trying to twist my words and butting in to correct him.

If you're more comfortable self-advocating then there are a number of things that you can do to make the process easier.

Firstly, keep a diary. Every day you need to write down your symptoms, your mood, notable moments, things you want to ask the doctor, food, fluid, sleep, alcohol, etc. Take that with you.

Secondly, go over that before the appointment and write yourself a "script". It doesn't need to be detailed or word for word, just get down the most important points and the way in which you want to convey them (NOT the way in which the memory of social skills classes tells you to convey them, but what you'd want somebody to say to you if they were trying to convey this effectively to you). Take that with you.

What I did with my DID was write a draft script on a piece of A4 paper a couple of weeks beforehand, and then I let my alters add to it or make notes on it with their opinions - I took that in with me and showed the doctor, and the differences in handwriting and wording had a much bigger impact than I was expecting and really helped in getting them to seriously consider that possibility.

Thirdly, don't waffle. I know it's tempting to be like "I have to get all of the details out in the first speech", but the therapist is going to ask questions afterwards. Boil what you need to say down to its key components, the facts that you need her to understand as the foundation moving forwards, and work out how to effectively convey those in less time than somebody would get the urge to interrupt - no tangents, no innuendo, just "This. That. The other thing too." But don't skip important details for the sake of brevity - find the balance.

Fourthly, make sure that you have the right psychiatrist. The counsellor that I had in college and the clinical psychiatrist that I had in hospital were both able to pick up on the things that made me more comfortable and more able to speak, and both knew not to interrupt me - the two of them learnt more about me and made me more comfortable than any other professional, just by letting me drink a hot chocolate and doodle on my phone. The psychologist who did my mindfulness therapy, on the other hand, insulted me for using my phone and my wall became 87% thicker in less than a second. You have to be working with somebody who lets you speak and who understands the way in which you speak.

Fifthly, if you know what helps you speak, tell them; if you don't know what helps you speak, begin the conversation with words to the effect of "I'm really struggling to get this out, but I prepared really hard, so I'd really appreciate it if you'd let me say my piece, and then we can discuss it afterwards instead of you interrupting me and making it harder for me to get out what I need to get out." If they then interrupt you, remind them that at the beginning of this they promised not to do so.

Remind yourself mentally that this is your therapy, this is your recovery, this is for you, this is important, and you deserve to be heard.

Sixthly, do research but downplay how much research you've done... "I stumbled across something that accurately described my experience and they called it hypomania" sounds a lot better than "I heard of hypomania on tumblr and spent twelve hours researching it" because the latter says to a doctor "I convinced myself that I have this because it sounded cool".

I was seeing psychiatrists back when the emo fad started, I was talking to them at the height of "Teenagers are all pretending to have depression because they read about it on the internet and think it's cool" days, so I know first-hand how eager some professionals can get to jump to that conclusion - unfortunately, there were times when seeing doctors felt more like a test of my ability to word the truth in a more digestible way than an opportunity to actually talk about how I was feeling.

An essential part of research should be to get your terms right - I fucked up back in the day because I referred to my compulsion to mime slitting my wrists or shooting myself in the head when I'm panicked as a "suicidal gesture" (however there's a medical term, "suicide gesture", that sounds almost identical and it means when you feign a suicide attempt by injuring yourself in a non-deadly manner, typically for attention) and not as a compulsion, which is part of how my OCD diagnosis got wrongly changed to a BPD diagnosis. I had never even heard of the terminology, I was just saying "I have to do a suicidal gesture when I'm panicking" meaning "When I'm panicked I have the compulsion to mime ways in which I envision killing myself", it was just poor wording, I had no idea that it was a medical term with an entirely different meaning. That created a huge misunderstanding, as you can imagine.

Seventhly is some advice that a friend gave me and honestly it's one of the best things that I've ever heard and comes in two parts: 1) play to your strengths, and 2) use your acting voice.

So part 2 is the easy one, everybody has something called a chest voice - it's a deeper voice that you use when singing or performing that projects better. Look up some YouTube videos on how to use your chest voice and practice it - it conveys a confidence that most people's normal voices do not. You could also stand in front of a mirror and work on your facial expressions.

Part 1 is a little more complicated and probably something that people will frown upon me for saying but... in this world you gotta be a little manipulative sometimes, you've got to assess situations and respond accordingly, you've got to word things certain ways.

I'm a very small, quiet person with an accent that immediately halves my IQ to everyone who hears it, it is near enough impossible for me to convey an air of superiority and maturity, but it's easy for me to play dumb and sweet. I can't get the psychiatrist to shut up by being somebody who sounds like I know what I'm talking about, if I get annoyed or snap it won't look like anger (I'm too quiet and I physically do not possess angry face muscles, I hate it), but if I go quiet and stare sadly at the floor then people notice and ask what's wrong. I can't get somebody to inherently assume that when I name a disorder I know what I'm talking about, but I can pretend that I've never heard of it or heard it in passing, and lead them into suggesting it.

I'm an extreme case in this regard and it's usually not a good idea to hide your real emotions and act when you're in a scenario where somebody is literally monitoring your body language for signals... there are definitely hardcore disadvantages and risks to that, and I am most certainly not recommending misleading your doctor, in fact I'm actively advising against doing that (I'm just saying that I do that sometimes, because I'm a dick and because my voice trying to yell "Shut the fuck up!" when I feel that angry usually only earns an "It doesn't even sound like swearing when you do it, that's adorable." because I'm fucking cursed).

What I am saying though is that I can't tell you exactly how to act (in fact, I'd be encouraging you to do something that I literally just said is bad if I did tell you how to act), I can't tell you exactly what words to say, where to put your hands, etc. The tip here is that you've got to be able to improvise, to assess the situation, to adapt, to know what you are and are not capable of and work within that, to see when a path is either going nowhere or going off topic and figure out how to direct it back, you've got to know how to talk to that specific person (professionals are just people, at the end of the day, and every person is different in how they speak and how they like being spoken to - some respond best to you casually bringing stuff up, some respond to structure, some click with you, some really don't).

Eighthly and most importantly, don't let any of this get you nervous. This advice is almost a "How to survive some of the shittiest doctors I had" sort of thing. The most likely outcome is that they're going to listen intently to what you have to say, trust you, respect you, ask the appropriate questions, and help you make sense of what's going on.

I have no doubt that you can do this and that you will absolutely rock it - you don't need that confidence in yourself, but reminding yourself that it's going to go well, that you're badass, that the professional is there to help you, and that they'll want this information as much as you want them to have it, that stuff will help. Believe in the heart of the cards, or the power of friendship, or your Pokémon, or something.

So, to put all this into something vaguely actionable (although I can't really give you much specific advice because I don't know what's going on in your head, so this is just like... idk vague template example thingy), the foundation of what you want your doctor to know is "I have the symptoms of hypomania, I want you to seriously consider the possibility that this is bipolar and not just depression."

In your symptom diary, keep track of the symptoms of hypomania - irritability, sleeplessness, recklessness, elation, etc - note down when they show up, how bad they are, how they impact you, your food and fluid and alcohol intake, the times of day when certain things happened, how well and long you slept, etc, but also jot down the depressive episodes and other potential symptoms, in case you need to answer questions in regards to those.

Next, write down the key points that you want to bring up on a separate note: how often did the symptoms generally show up? for how long? which are the most damaging? what is the worst thing that happened as a result?

Now you're in the appointment with your note and diary, you've told the doctor "You know I have some communication issues so I really need you to let me say what I've prepared, because I feel like the fact that the things I'm about to discuss aren't being addressed is really inhibiting my therapy." The doctor has agreed to let you speak and you've got your notes in front of you, and you say (a more applicable to you equivalent of) "I started a symptom diary a little while ago, I've brought it with me - I made note of symptoms, food intake, medication, sleep, and so on. I noticed that I was getting exceptionally irritable and hyperactive, especially during periods of a few days when I wasn't exhibiting as many of the depression symptoms, and I've ruled out sleep, food, and other factors as causes. On the fourth of last month, I got so restless that I couldn't sit down and I actually gave myself blisters pacing back and forth for six hours - while during the depressive episodes I can barely even manage to walk to the bathroom let alone pace. I came across an article online while looking up ways to ease the irritability, and I found that a few people described things incredibly similar to what I was going through, and they used the term 'hypomania'. I was hoping that we could talk through the symptoms that I've documented, and you could help me get my head around what's going on and how to treat it."

Then the doctor asks her questions, you answer as honestly and fully as you can, and try to cite evidence from your symptom diary.

If you can't manage to say the words that you need to say to start off such a conversation, then instead of just writing notes you could fully write out what it is that you want to say, and ask them to read it - explaining that you feel especially anxious about your ability to vocally express this, but it needs to be addressed because it's negatively impacting your therapy and your state of life.

Or, as I suggested at the beginning, have somebody else come along as an advocate.

That's just my advice stemming from my own experience... for some people, this advice might be unhelpful. As I mentioned earlier, you need to assess your situation, assess what you are and are not capable of, assess how your doctor usually responds to you, what they respond well to and what they respond poorly to, and so on - everybody's situation is different, so there isn't a list of "This is exactly what to say and do to get a doctor to listen to you" (as much as the crowd of people who adore convincing doctors that they have the next fad would love for there to be something like that). Ultimately, like any conversation, it's about what works best for the two individuals involved in that specific conversation.

Since I've broached this less from a general self-advocacy stand point (heck, I may even have pissed off self-advocacy people because a lot of this was "tips on how to stop shitty doctors being shitty" rather than all of the stuff about keeping records and knowing your rights and so forth) and more from a "personalized tips pulled from Vape's ceramic jar of ways to avoid my shitty mistakes", I'm now going to give you a handful of links to some more professional self-advocacy sites, and I recommend that you do proper research on the topic for a few hours on google. As flattered as I am that you came to me, and as hopeful as I am that my advice helps in some way, me waffling about the ways I avoid getting screwed over again isn't professional advice - I'm very aware, as someone who's worked in a youth group, that I am not the fountain of all knowledge and that it is my job to pass you on to those more capable and to ensure that you know that my word isn't law.

So check out some of these and do more specific research and googling when you have the time (these aren't all about self-advocacy in medical care, some are about self-advocacy in other areas or advocacy in general, but I hope the advice may still be useful):

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/advocacy/#.WlaI26CnzqA

http://www.familyaware.org/how-to-model-mentalhealth-selfadvocacy/

http://www.cooltanarts.org.uk/what-we-offer/self-advocacy/

https://www.voiceability.org/support-for-you/self-advocacy/

http://www.dhs.state.il.us/page.aspx?item=39797

https://www.ncld.org/archives/action-center/what-we-ve-done/self-advocacy-5-tips-from-a-student

https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/9767596

https://www.includenyc.org/resources/video-detail/10-self-advocacy-tips-for-young-people-with-disabilities

https://www.kidney.org/content/5-tips-self-advocacy

Also, full disclosure, I haven't thoroughly read all of these and I'm low on sleep and running on way more caffeine than I should really have had... I'm probably not in the best state to be imparting important information right now, but I really hope that somewhere in this jumble I said something that was useful. (I also love how the quality just gradually declines after I start craving a cigarette at the midway point... I'm so sorry.)

EDIT: PS I'm sorry that I got pronouns and job titles and stuff jumbled up all through this, uhh, my brain is running on super fast mode right now so it's not really accessing all of the important files or deeper processing. I'm sorry, again.

Alternatively, if your therapist is super great and trusts you "I think I've been experiencing hypomania, and I think this may be bipolar and not just depression" will work fine... but the symptom diary, that is a good tip for anybody and everybody, regardless.

~ Vape

#Mod Vaporeon #I really do hope this helps #also sorry if I'm acting a bit weird and sporadic #speaking of mania #I don't get many manic phases lately so I'm really not prepared for if this one lasts #and the caffeine is making it worse

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