#actually literally sobbing right now

[bigfatbreak]

THEY CAN TAKE HER IN FOR SURGERY!! AAAAAA

#actually literally sobbing right now #we might still lose her on the operating table but #we get to TRY to save her #sorry i havent gotten back to anyone today ive been waiting for the bad news #and instead i get a little bit of hope that we can save her #when the vet said she has to get her in for surgery ASAP i almost dropped my phone bc I thought. I really thought. we might just #not be able to save her at all #but the fact that we get to try... man!! im crying my eyes out

[ef-1]

girlhood

#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day #like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year. #when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍 #not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again #and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :) #like everything i do is informed by her #I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her #and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢 #and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again #“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her #growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain #and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when #people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it #but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up- #when people mention it 😍 #last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her) #and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook” #and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one #and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?” #im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her #lol!!!!!!!!!

[sapphicsnzs]

im so grateful for this corner of the internet where i can just get my frustrations out

#self obs #i will delete this later but i just need to get it out #i told my two best friends about how i got rejected and they both were just like move on lol #like i don’t think they realize how awful i feel right now like literally that was my dream and im scared im never gonna be able to do it #i also somehow have to tell my parents and that’s a whole different problem #my parents are already up my ass about me quitinh my job for no reason #well basically i think they’re trying to get me to move home for the summer which doesn’t make sense to quit my job i’ve been working at #for almost a year to come back and get a job for a month #but like i can’t think of another reason that my parents would randomly want me to quit my job #so i’m stressed about that and now i also have to tell them i got rejected and now i can’t start the part of my degree that i need for my #fucking job and fuck i’m so stressed and don’t know what to do #and im just like so embarrassed and everyone is acting like its not a big deal even tho like if i apply again i probably won’t even get it #because i didn’t even make it past the interview phase and anyways im just so upset with myself and everything #i like actually thought my life was turning around and i was gonna be happy finally but nope #anyways this is just me sobbing and trying to let out my frustrations because no one will actually listen or validate that i’m upset #whatever im gonna go drink some wine and probably pass out on the floor of my room

[lemongogo]

#HELPP ok i have thoughts.my thinking cap back on #LOVEE the ending as far as the actual direction goes yk.like people seeing (literally) the pain&plight of plants #and vowing to protect and look after them w utmost care #loved that knives technically survived the fall and the aftermath esp in recruiting someone to care for vash #BUTTT i dont know how i feel ab his death ;___; the symbolism w the apple tree and him using the last of his energy is sweet #and i dont think i would dislike it necessarily if we just had more time #to marinate in his story.i think... the ending does not give u a lot of time to reach the full conclusion #i think that theres a whole side to his story i WISHH nightow explored and i wish we had seen knives turmoil and vashs acceptance of his #experiences more than the select few scenes we got beforehand. its soo rushed T_T DONT GET ME WRONG im still more or less satisfied that #we didnt get an ending like.. oh everyones dead and miserable and vash killed knives and ppl never learn to coexist right #like it could actually be so thematically worse BUTT im just like. THATS ITTT??? THATS ALL..sitting here twiddling my thumbs #waiting for a complete resolution thatll never come to be.and it sucks bc i wish i could look towards stampede to get that neat wrap up #but stampede completely altered knives' story and fell into the nasty horrid pittrap of aligning him with reprehensible values #so no conclusion of theres will ever touch on max!knives' conclusion and i think that is the thing im looking 4 the most #no conclusion of theirs* sry LAWL #also read some posts (by trigum LUVV ur analyses btw i need to rb some now that i finished) that the max ending #doesnt give vash an ACTUAL ending. we reach the climax in his confrontation with legato and then his commitment to save knives #but anything beyond that just doesnt exist. MY GODD imagining a reality where we got like 5 more chapters at LEAST to #give it a hearty ending #anyways. the reporter bit is so cute im bummed they went straight to that in stamp :sob: best like... cute ending fr #trigun spoilers #trigun maximum #trigun #vash

[uniformbravo]

witch hat atelier is hurting my feelings

#just finished vol 7????? LITERALLY illegal?????????? #i dont even wanna go into detail bc it's such a massive spoiler but JUST KNOW that last chapter gave me a thousand yard stare instantly #U CANT HIT ME W THE DOUBLE BAIT & SWITCH THE TWO TIMIN HIGH FIVIN ASS BLASTIN SQUARE DANCIN SWITCHEROO #UNETHICAL. LITERALLY FUCKED UP. WELCOME TO SHIRAHAMA'S TWISTED MIND #retag later #manga blogging #i thought it was about the whimsy. i thought we were having fun #THE PART IM TALKING ABT ISNT EVEN THAT BAD IT JUST GOT ME SO GOOD I WASNT READY #no u know what it IS that bad actually qifrey owes me 5000 dollars right now #ALSO can i stop being so EXCRUCIATINGLY PREDICTABLE KGJLAKGSLKDJK #four wonderful well-rounded female main characters and all i care about is the stinky MAN #sobbing at myself in the shower GIRL HES LINESSSSS #nobody should be allowed to draw a man hot anymore. well if it's olruggio it's fine actually. U KNOW WHO I MEAN #this IS targeted #putting up the anti gojo barrier from jjk but for qifrey #(btw that was a lie i would probably lay down my life for aggot #like if she was crossing the street i would get hit by a random car for her. like on principle)

[pavlovers]

actually nvm im not emo anymore 🤧

#will i ever be truly content with the ending ? no 💀 but ! everyone looks so cute nd im happy that my fav freaks are able to be silly :p #i have mixed feelings on chifuyu narrating this chapter tho lmao 😭😭 #i mean its great that he somehow remembers everything that michi went through nd their friendship wasnt lost #BUT I CANT GET OVER THAT LIKE. ONE TAKEHINA KISS PANEL AND ITS JUST HIS UGLY CRYING FACE AT THE BOTTOM 😭😭 #i kinda love that for him tho like shit make their day all about yourself king #i wouldn't have taken the whole takehina ending seriously either way #tokrev aint even about them at this point its about the collection of freaks takemichi collected along the way 😭 #what other thoughts can i put out there... #omg sanzu being an influencer is such a slay. i love how he looks exactly the same as he did in the bonten timeline #he just slays online now instead of yknow with a katana in real life ! #kazus adorable. izanas adorable #I LOVE THAT SOUTH IS JUST THERE. IDK HOW THEY MET IN THIS TIMELINE BUT FUCK IT YEAH HES INVITED WHY NOT #seeing timeskip mikey again just confirms my initial feelings towards manila mikey which is that he was ugly 😭 #IDK THE SHORT HAIR DOESNT SUIT HIM IMO 😭 I WAS HOPING THAT WAKUI WOULD GIVE HIM A NEW HAIRCUT THAT WE HAVENT SEEN BEFORE #its ok tho im happy that hes actually happy ! and that the future he wanted with emma and draken and their baby came true 🥲 #WAHH THAT TOO 😭 THE FACT THAT THEYRE MARRIED AND EMMA IS PREGNANT WITH THEIR FIRST CHILD LITERALLY SOBBING 😭 #its what theyve deserved this whole time !!!! #what wakui did to naoto was a crime tho 😭 why does he look like thatttt #bring back detective naoto 😭 current naoto looks more homeless than takemichi that doesnt sit right with me 😭 #im rocking with long hair hanma. shuji just some guy hanma 💀 #wakui making mikey looking at takemichi like that the opening panel like we know what they are 🙄 just had to remind us #thats all i think... its finally over 😭 i may have my grudges but i truly loved reading this weekly for over a year it was so much fun 💗

[arthur-r]

lyrics: i’m a silly stupid angel, smile sweetly as you watch / and my wings are frail and brittle, and i whisper when i talk / please don’t remind me of the role i’m here to play / please god forgive me for the things that i can’t say / self actualization, maybe this is how it ends / i fall into formation, service is my fulfillment / i’m your soulmate in denial, self esteem gets in the way / and i’m just a little child who won’t live to see the day / when i’m regarded as a human being too / but all your lies just start to blend into my truth / self actualization, maybe this is how it ends / i fall into formation, service is my fulfillment / don’t try to tell me i’m not happy / don’t try to tell me this is wrong / don’t try to tell me that i’m broken / cause by now i’m too far gone / self actualization, maybe this is how it ends / i fall into formation, service is my fulfillment / self actualization, maybe this is how it ends / i fall into formation, service is my fulfillment / self actualization, maybe this is how it ends / i fall into formation, service is my fulfillment / self actualization, maybe this is how it ends / i fall into formation, service is my fulfillment

#hi i have a very important linguistics paper due in seven hours but i am distracting myself by playing vent music #inspired by: i typed out a long tagful of venting on wednesday night and then realized it was dumb to post it but it included the words #‘​‘tomorrow i will smile like a silly stupid angel’’ and so then the next day which is yesterday when i was once again anxious #then i wrote that part into a song. and now my roommate finally left the room for long enough that i could record it. very roughly #one of those songs where i need to get to a piano and figure out what the real chords are. but here it is for now #anyway this is about suppressing yourself in order to be more easily objectified!!!! because you feel like that’s your innate purpose #the deeper meaning of your life perhaps. the person you need to actualize. that is why i wrote this song #something something i don’t actually think this wrote this during an anxiety attack etc. me when it’s 2 in the morning on a wednesday night #and i have a midterm in the morning but i’m too busy sobbing to either study or sleep. college!! so much fun!!!! #anyways. i’m normal now basically. aside from extremely important paper due seven hours from now #but here is a song right now. i feel like a lot of us are struggling in the same boat #and i definitely am. PS this is not even about my relationship that im in right now. which is good shdhdf that would be an awful start #it’s literally so inapplicable to my current relationship. but i am just still insane. and so i am still upset and afraid. so yeah #anyway i’m in a little bit of a weird way i’m sorry for speaking weird and whatever. looking forward to dinner i think #i hope everyone is doing well. and let me know if you need anything #sending love from depression dorm room. and hope everyone is holding it together okay #me. my post. mine. #delete later #ask to tag

[dutybcrne]

You ever wonder if Diluc was one of those kids who would cry abt how they were going to run away from home whenever he got upset, even packed a little rucksack or smth and everything, but never actually left bc he ended up getting too upset by the idea of actually leaving esp since his parent seemed so chill abt it-

#hc; diluc #//Like Crepus forbids him (1) thing punishable by grounding & when he does get grounded; Luc howls abt how he’s running away to the knights #//Or to Springvale where he could be FREE. And do what he WANTED. Crepus and Addie deciding to play it cool to see what he does #//Next thing they know; Luc is dragging his bag to the door while crying big ol Ghibli tears #//Saying he’s rlly gonna do it. he’s RLLY gonna leave; loudly announcing it for all to hear #//Doesnt even reach the door when Addie suddenly SIGHS #//Lamenting Who oh WHO will eat the Pile Em Up she’d made for dinner #//How LONELY she’ll feel now that he’s all grown up; a big strong boy; leaving the home for good #//Luc ends up dropping his things and running right back to her; sobbing apologies and promising he’ll never leave her- #//Oh that just makes his four year fatui slaughter spree sadder- #//The one time he pulled this antic after Kae arrived; Kae was actually SO ready to leave bc he thought Luc did #//Even if it was a joke/result of a tantrum; Kae cleared out the room of essentials as if he and Luc rlly WOULD run away #//He was SO ready #//Thus everyone learned they had to be careful with him bc he WILL take things quite literally the first few years with them #//For sb who doesnt muse he; I have too many darn Luc hcs jdfbb #hc; kaeya #//For that lil tidbit

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#i need to do some brain working out to try to get stronger and not overthink things #but i am upset and feeling very anxious rn (: #i came back from the optician (which i was dreading) and just started sobbing #i'm so overwhelmed right now you have no idea #i went to get my new glasses which were SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE like waaaaay more than i thought #and i don't have much choice of frames either because of all the shit that go into my lenses #but the choices i had today where not only very few but also ugly as fuck #but literally had no choice cause i don't have money and i had to get the cheapest frames to sort of balance how expensive the frames are #and what makes me feel like a piece of shit is that i'm complaining about ''ugly frames'' and whatever when i am able to get them #like i was able to do all the tests i needed to get done i am able to go and buy the glasses with the graduation and the prism and everythi #and i'm SO FUCKING LUCKY that i can and that i have a job that allows me to buy these #and that my family doesn't have to pay them (cause we couldn't) #and i feel like a dick for complaining cause i can fix my eyesight (to an extent) with glasses and i'm not actually blind or anything #but it also sucks that i have to spend literally all of my money just to be able to see #i'm trying so hard to get in the mindset that i'm not getting these glasses for fashion but as medicine #like if i needed a wheelchair it wouldn't be for fashion either #these are aids to help me be healthy and safe and not get run over by a car #even if they look like shit #but you know i'm conflicted :/ #angel talks #personal

[sansxfuckyou]

hey i just wanted to say how much I value our friendship. you're genuinely such an important person to me i am so happy seeing you in my notes screaming with me i always get so happy and you've inspired so much to draw (including but not limited to snf and twittblr) and write too when it was a quick hobby I picked up two years ago or so in a frenzy and slowly died out until you reignited it again with your fucking banger fics and i genuinely cannot be more grateful

I dont usually give myself time to truly put what I feel into words, simply going for keysmashes or quick swears or quoting memes and hoping you understand what I wanted to express and I think it was about time I made a personalised message truly using my words to get it across. you are so fucking cool you are awesome you are amazing you are talented you put so much effort into your words be it about a cozy morning organs falling apart or sucking dick. you put so much love into everything you do and it is so amazing to see. i love you man. i wish you everything good in the world ever. you dont have to answer me back with long paragraphs I think I already understand just how important I am to you and I wanted to repay you the favor by laying across the table my heart bare open for you to see

keep on loving keep on living keep on persisting despite despite despite

I am so glad I sent you that Melon Musk image, truly

-Tena

#asks #the bestie dunia #I am so sorry I can't actually use my words right now #I just want you to know I'll always hold your url and those conversations we've had somewhere in my heart no matter what happens #also holy shit I've inspired more than just the snf and twitblr? #I thought you were just drawing those cause you had nothing better to do #not out of genuine inspiration #I'm so genuinely touched #and I don't even know how to react #this has got to be the most visceral thing anyone has ever said to me before #in the entirety of my life #I just #fuck #I am literally sobbing #it is one AM #I am up in my loft be alone fucking sobbing #you mean so much to me and I love you #I don't even know how I just love you so much #you've pulled me through some really shitty times in my life and I'm not sure if you know that up until now #and I mean that much to you #I thought I was just some silly gay person in your pocket #but uh #guess not! #and the fact I inspired you to keep writing? #I JUST #you're writing is so fucking good #and your art is so fucking good #I'm so so glad that I was able to keep your inspiration for at least one of those two burning #I don't even know what else to say #I've been sitting here writing these tags for at least ten minutes now

[yawn-emoji]

#who i was march 24 2022 and who i am now are completely different people. i remember crying in caffe reggio to zay sun and adiba because #my dad was in the hospital and we didnt know why and we werent even there to support him and my mom because we had travelled to nyc that #morning. and the whole trip was overshadowed by this sense of grief and fear and horror at what was unfolding back at home while i was #trying to pretend everything was okay and that i was fine. i never cry in public but i cried on the q train while visiting my coworker who #lives in manhattan and then i sobbed in a xi’an famous foods location in manhattan w my brothers because the cheapest and earliest train #home was that night and i had no idea what to do w myself #and when we got home finally we all knew what the diagnosis was but nobody wanted to say it not even the doctors. i dont think anyone used #the actual word cancer to us for months. they cloaked it in such technical terms so as to make it easier to swallow but it was still like. #an elephant in the room yk? nobody told us the stage either but it was a stage iv glioblastoma and i remember going on r/glioblastoma and #just crying reading all the posts abt how difficult this disease is. most projections were six months to a year and a half. a lot of people #even chose not to get treatment because of the high probability that it would make no difference to the prognosis. i have no idea whether we #made the right choice going w chemo or not honestly. only time will tell i guess. inshaAllah this will prove to have been the right choice #idk what im even trying to say now. i just dont reflect a lot on where i was when this started because it’s… almost too painful. i have #given up so much for my dad at this point and i still feel like it’s not enough but also i’ve been trapped by this sickness and i’ve given #up my life to it and idk how to rebuild myself from here. i need to move on w my life but what if these are the last moments w him and i #take those for granted by not staying home to take care of him and spend time w him. again idk what im trying to say here i just have no #idea how we got to this place. it still feels like some insane fever dream that i will suddenly awaken from #seeing pictures of my dad even from 2021 is the hardest thing. i have no idea what happened to that bright funny charismatic loving man. he #is literally a shell of himself at this point and i hate it. it actually turns my stomach sometimes because it all is so wrong #none of this was supposed to happen he was supposed to retire peacefully somewhere tropical in a couple years not get diagnosed w cancer #journal #illness tw

[object-show-headcanons]

NOT A HC IF THATS OK SORRY BUT DID YOU WATCH THE NEW HFJONE EPISODE???????

YES I JUST DID

#I LITERALLY JUST LIKE WOKE UP IT IS 5.30 RIGHT #I WOKE UP TO GET SOME WATER AND I CHECKED MY PHONE FOR THE TIME #I SAW THIS NOTIF AND I DROPPED EVERYTHING TO WATCH IT #SCREAMING CRYING SOBBING HOLY SHIT #I WAS NOT EXPECTING ANY OF THAT #NEVER IN MY LIFE I THOUGHT I WOULD SEE LIAM BREAK LIKE THIS OH MY GOF #Gonna watch it again w/ a fresh mind when I actually wake up cause oh my god #hfjone #hfjone spoilers #ask #not a headcanon #mod's ramblings #correction* I woke up at around 5.30 now it is 5.52

[dawnssummers]

sorry i enjoy when characters have combination issues and trauma and lash out because of it this is about angel when he was liam and connor. like yeah be an angsty bitch you deserve it. though the repetition in liam's father kicking him out and angel doing the same to connor that hurt . different circumstances leading to the same place angel loves connor but can't be a father to him if connor doesn't want him to and also probably just feels like he doesn't know how to because he only ever seemed to disappoint his own and he already watched connor get taken from him and then connor for his part is left open to being manipulated and feeling increasingly alone and unloved. okay yeah that hurt

#REWATCHED THE ANGEL CONNOR SCENE IN DEEP DOWN... #the statement also about dawnie. dawn and connor my best friends now #again i think the connor arc resolution was handled w a lot of grace and also i could sob #not to sound insane but the mystical intervention to end a cycle of violence reminds me of apollo appearing in orestes #because things are really getting out of control and can only be set right by a literal deus ex machina....................... #only in this situation well the w&h contract makes me feel actually insane so i won't unpack it #on a completely different track i want to see what plays out btwn kendall and his children in succ s4 #ats

[torahtot]

im so confused abt what im doing with my life and im terrified of spending so much of my parents money and going into debt for college when i have no fucking clue what i even want and i can't just take a year off to figure it out bc i know i wouldn't actually do anything i would play minecraft in my girlfriend's bedroom all day wtf im about to start crying and panicking why do i have to figure this out i don't KNOW

#irs ok to not have ur shit sortrd out i only really found my passion at 40!!! #h #what if i never figure it out #like all those posts going #ok but u don't realize i need something to do right now tho. i very much do actually need a plan for the present moment #my college guidance advisor is gonna have me ugly sobbing in her office as soon as school starts lmao #i literally cant handle this

[pepprs]

it’s like i made it this far only to completely fucking crash and burn and give up right in front of the people who believed i could do it and who i made to trust me to do it. awesome

#purrs #every time i try to work on my capstone i start hysterically sobbing so i just emailed my counselor (since she never replied after telling m #me that i missed our session even though i wrote back literally 3 minutes later when there were still 40 mins left) to ask if she could plea #please pretty please meet with me tomorrow bc i am fucking dying right now. i hope she sees it bc ive been crying for like an hour and my ey #eyes actually hurt. I need to go to bed and ineed to get permission from everyone to give up because i just can’t do it. i can’t #relatedly i got my fucking p*riod which im sure has no bearing at all as to why ive been miserable for weeks. and now im gonna be in pain wh #while finishing this too which is exactly what i need right now #like i do not see a way out of this other than a) excruciating suffering or b) giving up. the absolute DESPAIR of it all #literally the only reason i am not sewerslidal rn like i was last semester (🥴) is bc im about to graduate and never have to deal with this #shit again once it’s done EXCEPT for the fact that if certain things go certain ways i may forever have to live with the unbearable shame o #of having failed my motherfucking capstone project after working on it for 3 years. like the literal L of it all #*burns thru half a box of tissues in one evening* this is normal. this is exactly what finishing your degree is supposed to feel like

[kindnessoverperfection]

npd is having a grade of 100% and above in literally all of your college courses, but still having a huge mental breakdown over your grades

because a ton of bad shit just happened all at once, and you're too stressed out to focus on your work, and you know that if you try to do your hw you're going to fuck something up and miss points

and the only person you can blame for missing points is yourself, because you have such high expectations of yourself to be perfect all the time no matter the circumstances, because that's what society expects from you

#vent / #im hella resisting the urge to brag about the classes im taking. but trust me i'm extremely impressive #anyways. sobbing my fucking guts out rn #i fucking hate npd #there is literally no reason to worry about this. missing a few points will have literally no effect whatsoever. #why am i putting bragging rights and my desperate need for admiration and my intense fear of criticism #above my mental/physical health #i hate npd so fucking much fuck #i thought i'd been doing better with perfectionism. but now it seems like i just had the illusion of doing better #because i WAS doing perfectly and there was nothing to challenge that #but now that there's an actual threat to my perfect grades im losing my fucking mind