Tumgik
About
Privacy Policy
Removal Request
Visit Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Fun Fact
Tumblr has been banned in Indonesia for providing people with access to pornographic content.
#none of this was supposed to happen he was supposed to retire peacefully somewhere tropical in a couple years not get diagnosed w cancer
yawn-emoji
·
2 years
Text
#who i was march 24 2022 and who i am now are completely different people. i remember crying in caffe reggio to zay sun and adiba because
#my dad was in the hospital and we didnt know why and we werent even there to support him and my mom because we had travelled to nyc that
#morning. and the whole trip was overshadowed by this sense of grief and fear and horror at what was unfolding back at home while i was
#trying to pretend everything was okay and that i was fine. i never cry in public but i cried on the q train while visiting my coworker who
#lives in manhattan and then i sobbed in a xi’an famous foods location in manhattan w my brothers because the cheapest and earliest train
#home was that night and i had no idea what to do w myself
#and when we got home finally we all knew what the diagnosis was but nobody wanted to say it not even the doctors. i dont think anyone used
#the actual word cancer to us for months. they cloaked it in such technical terms so as to make it easier to swallow but it was still like.
#an elephant in the room yk? nobody told us the stage either but it was a stage iv glioblastoma and i remember going on r/glioblastoma and
#just crying reading all the posts abt how difficult this disease is. most projections were six months to a year and a half. a lot of people
#even chose not to get treatment because of the high probability that it would make no difference to the prognosis. i have no idea whether we
#made the right choice going w chemo or not honestly. only time will tell i guess. inshaAllah this will prove to have been the right choice
#idk what im even trying to say now. i just dont reflect a lot on where i was when this started because it’s… almost too painful. i have
#given up so much for my dad at this point and i still feel like it’s not enough but also i’ve been trapped by this sickness and i’ve given
#up my life to it and idk how to rebuild myself from here. i need to move on w my life but what if these are the last moments w him and i
#take those for granted by not staying home to take care of him and spend time w him. again idk what im trying to say here i just have no
#idea how we got to this place. it still feels like some insane fever dream that i will suddenly awaken from
#seeing pictures of my dad even from 2021 is the hardest thing. i have no idea what happened to that bright funny charismatic loving man. he
#is literally a shell of himself at this point and i hate it. it actually turns my stomach sometimes because it all is so wrong
#none of this was supposed to happen he was supposed to retire peacefully somewhere tropical in a couple years not get diagnosed w cancer
#journal
#illness tw
13 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
gardenmyheart-blog
Garden Of Life
am0k-run-blog
Am0k-Run
artbysturk-blog
Art by Sturk
llynethsfandomblogthing-blog
Llyneth's fandom blog thing
readymork-blog
”低空飛行”でもいいんじゃない