#accept you have them

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[frogs-in3-hills]

hi does anyone else think about april throwing herself over leo to shield him in the shredder strikes back despite having no weapons no way to defend herself and probably assuming she was going to die. does anyone think about that all the time. every day. uncontrollably

[ID: Digital fanart of Ninja Turtles 2003 depicting a scene from The Shredder Strikes Back part 2. April kneels over an injured Leo, cradling his head and looking back over her shoulder to snarl viciously at the camera, though there is obvious fear in her eyes. Her hair has partially fallen out of her bun, the loose strands sticking to her face with sweat. She has a cut on her cheek. Only a portion of Leo’s face can be seen from behind her shoulder. He looks up at her with a sad, pained expression. He has a swollen, bloody shiner on his cheek in addition to other cuts and bruises on the rest of his body. They are on the wooden floor of a dark attic. End ID.]

#she’s so protective of her fambly man….. i think she should have gotten to call that wasp a bitch in ‘‘april’s artifact’’ #anyway. #you ever think about how in almost every version befriending the turtles leads to april having these huge moments of loss #losing her shop her job her home her father her LIFE and yet she accepts it all bc she jsut decided to fucking love them more than anything #take my hand. do you think about it…… #tmnt #tmnt 03 #tmnt 2k3 #tmnt 2003 #april o'neil #leonardo tmnt #silly sully art #described #cw blood #she rlly asked is anyone going to adopt these weird turtle children and then didn’t wait for an answer

[burquillos]

One For All users

#mha #bnha #one for all #izuku midoriya #Found Family? No. BOUND Family. You WILL accept my will and carry my burden. #You have no choice but to become a suitable vessel for this power or it will destroy you #horikoshi pls elaborate more on their backstories i want more of them soooo bad

[mitathemita]

the shining sun!! ☀️

#yippie !!! #im mostly doing these for practice but they are so fun like? lookit him hehe #i must do moon next! my boy!! #also!! if you have any pictures of their models…. i would very much like to borrow them please #for reference #i have like. over 80 rn but… i need MORE #anyway!! #fnaf #my art #mita doodles #fnaf sb #fnaf help wanted 2 #fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf dca #fnaf sun #sundrop #as i was writing these tags i got my acceptance letter email?? (hooray)

[darkeneddawning]

Escaped clone au

You know all those fics where Danny and Damian are twins but everyone first assumes Danny must be a clone? How about an au where Danny is Damian's clone who escaped the League after he was assumed dead. Damian could even have been the one to have "killed" him, back when Danny was a newly created, fully brainwashed clone minion and trying to kill Damian himself.

Danny gets adopted by the Fentons and canon goes on as normal, until Dan. Witnessing what would happen to the world should he turn evil really drove home to Danny how dangerous he is.

Even if he was confident he could be trusted with his absurd amount of power (which he isn't), what if the League of Assassins found out about him? Does he still have programming triggers from his evil assassin clone conditioning?

So, Danny does the responsible thing: he goes to Batman to turn himself in.

Cue Danny showing up on Bruce's doorstep with ghost hunting equipment, intel on the afterlife, and an almost unbelievable backstory. Somehow he still managed to be more well-adjusted than Damian.

More thoughts under the read more

Here's how I'm thinking Danny leaving the League went down:

After surviving his wounds but failing his mission, Danny (then an unnamed potential Damian replacement) knew there was no point in returning to the League. As a failure, he was meant to be disposed of. He even thought of simply allowing himself to perish, since that was what the League would do.

But he couldn't help but feel as though that would be a waste of a resource. Surely he could be of more use to the League alive than dead?

That tiny bit of rebellious logic is what caused Danny to go into hiding, only living on based on the off chance he would find opportunities to further the League's goals. Obviously, that mentality didn't last long after being exposed to the real world and meeting one Jazz Fenton.

Being adopted by the Fentons was the best cover Danny could have asked for, since any odd behavior he couldn't hide while he was learning how to be "normal" was totally overshadowed by the sheer bizarre eccentricity of his new parents. He was still the neighborhood weird kid, but even that was a major upgrade from disposable tool, so Danny considered it a win.

Anyway, if anyone likes this idea, please feel free to have at it! Interpret it as you please :)

#dpxdc #dpxdc prompts #dawningwrites #Danny: I'm too powerful help please accept this 10 step guide that MIGHT give you a prayer of defeating me #Bruce: and you're saying that on top of all your potentially apocalyptic abilities you're also the ruler of another dimension?? #Danny: I know right?? they wouldn't listen to me when I said a teenager wasn't qualified. and technically I'm only 5 years old! #Danny's better adjusted than Damian bc he had Jazz to help him #and he didn't have to be anything other than a “normal” teen until his accident #whereas Damian had a bunch of traumatized and emotionally stunted vigilantes with a complicated family dynamic he walked into #Alfred did his best but there was only so much he could do without undermining Bruce or interfering with their vigilantism #Dan happened before Dani so she might not be in this (yet) #but if Danny's clones are still a thing I think he'd be even more traumatized by most of them melting #Dani: you don't know what it's like to be made by a rich supervillain to replace your original and then be discarded as a failure #Danny: ha ha so funny story #damian wayne #damian al ghul

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

putting my prediction on record now that the coming decade is going to see the rise of viral-marketed fancy at-home water filtration systems, driving and driven by a drastic reduction in the quality of U.S. tap water (given that we are in a 'replacement era' where our current infrastructure is reaching the end of its lifespan--but isn't being replaced). also guessing that by the 2030s access to drinkable tap water will be a mainstream class issue, with low-income & unstably housed people increasingly forced to rely on expensive bottled water when they can't afford the up-front cost of at-home filtration--and with this being portrayed in media as a "moral failing" and short-sighted "choice," rather than a basic failure of our political & economic systems. really hope i'm just being alarmist, but plenty of this already happens in other countries, and the U.S. is in a state of decline, so. here's praying this post ages into irrelevance. timestamped April 2023

#apollo don't fucking touch this one #serious post #not a shitpost #hope i forget about this post and have no reason to ever look back on it one day #fyi i'm aware that access to potable water is already a major issue in parts of the U.S. yes i know flint michigan exists #i'm saying that this issue is going to GROW unless local & federal governments work together to fix it. #so it's a matter of if we trust them to fix it. And well--do you? #what are the chances the government just denies there's a problem until the water actually turns brown #at which point it's already been common knowledge for years and people have just become resigned and that's our new normal #i'm mean come on. how many of us already believe that we're being exposed to dangerous pollutants we don't know about and can't avoid #like that's pretty much just part of being a modern consumer. accepting that companies will happily endanger your life for a few pennies #and the most you'll get is like a $50 gift card as part of a class action rebate 20 years down the line #probably the history books will look back on Flint as a warning and a harbinger that went ignored #luxury condos will advertise their built-in top-of-the-line filtration systems--live here and you can drink water straight from your tap! #watch the elite professional class putting $700 dyson water filtration systems on their wedding registry #while the rest of us figure out how to fit water delivery into our grocery budget while putting 90% of our paycheck towards rent #also eggs are $15

[rouge-the-bat]

person not involved in The Discourse: wow both sides on this need to touch grass lol theyre both wackos

side A on The Discourse: i would like to exist in peace

side B on The Discourse: everyone on side A should kill themselves

#i see this. so often. for like so many different types of discourse topics #sometimes some ppl dont have a choice to be involved in a discourse topic or not #bc then their choices are to shut up and accept the hate or try to fight against it and make ppl realize you deserve basic fucking decency #i know a lot of discourse can be bullshit but sometimes. u gotta realize some people are just trying to get others to leave them alone #cough cough bi lesbian discourse #suicide baiting tw

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Happy Valentine's Day! (and this blog's first post anniversary!)

#poorly drawn mdzs #better drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #Woah...it's been a whole *year* since I took the leap and uploaded my 'first attempt' art. #It's outdated now but it holds a special place in my heart for the fact it started all of this off. #Calling this 'poorly-drawn' was always about accepting that my art was going to be imperfect and messy - and doing it anyways! #There has been a staggering number of times I have drawn something I almost didn't upload because I didn't think it was 'good enough' #only for someone to say they liked it - or that it made them laugh. And it has helped me realize - #-The worst critic for my work has always been myself. If I listened to it all the time...well we would not be here now B'*) #And now that I have dabbled in other fandoms I can truly see how lucky was to start out with the MXTX fans. #The supportive messages and tags have truly been a guiding force toward my artistic and self improvement. #I really can't describe how grateful I am. #Thank you for seeing something worth rooting for when I was just figuring things out. #Thank you for being sweeter than the candy I have strategically hidden in the nooks and crannies of this house. #But watch out! If you forget to find them we will get ants. #I remembered to not hide chocolate in the bed this year. Yes I know it melted last time. Yes it did stain. I'm still sorry. #Thank you for loving me regardless <3 Even if it looked like I shit the bed real bad.

[lethologicaee]

are u familiar with kyle rayner…i think u drawing him would actually drive me insane

yes vaguely... i will see about getting a sketch done for you!

#ask #but do be warned if i'm not like Into a character i kind of just default to their canon appearance when drawing #because i have yet to project my view of them #so if there are any specific features that are widely accepted interpretations.. or just ones you would like to see... let me know!!

[ghostlyarchaeologist]

Evolution of Eliot/Hardison hugs over the years.

And the one time that Eliot really needed a hug:

Leverage S02E08/S03E10/S04E01/S04E07/S04E10/S05E09/Leverage Redemption S01E16/S02E06.

#leverage #leverage redemption #eliot spencer #alec hardison #christian kane #aldis hodge #i swear eliot is like a feral kitten #starts off all hissing and spitting and 'i swear i will break your arm' #and to get them used to being handled you grab them and wrap them up tightly in a towel and just shower them with affection #they hate it at first but slowly they learn to accept it #and then they come to love it #the next thing you know you have an extremely affectionate cat who initiates the contact #who's favourite thing ever is to be sprawled on your lap purring their head off #i did not mean to write a thesis on this but here we are #and yeah i could have not added that last gif and saved you all a punch to the gut #but it was getting way too mushy in here! :) #*runs off chuckling back into my pit* #ghostly'sgifs

[ryllen]

maybe i do want us to kiss a little more

#can you really accept who i am ... ? the fact i am a human and will forever a human; just like how u are never satisfied with yourself #u might never satisfied with me either #twisted wonderland #twst #sebek zigvolt #twst yuu #lilia vanrouge #twst mc #fanart #i . just . wanted to draw . a kiss . #but i did think a lot if he have a desire to be with a strong fae partner so he can erase the human blood from his lineage little by little #or he'd feel guilty about dirtying his fae partner's blood for passing human blood in him to another fae child & make them possibly weak #i think he would somewhat feel guilty too to make a human half fae child because where their place would be then #maybe his true desire is just to end his blood with him as malleus guard and that's all there's to it #i wish all his doubt would be erased once he saw how beautiful his child with his eyes is #just a child who will try their best no matter what blood they have in them

[spursthatjinglejanglejingle]

It never stops being funny to think about how Martin Blackwood's superpower is being so depressed he can turn invisible

#the magnus archives #tma #martin blackwood #heard his voice again and was overcome y indescribable emotions #jonmartin found alive when i had accepted they were dead in a ditch in London somewhere #wild #rannbles #no more reblogs 👍 you have hit your unfunny joke maximum #okay turning them back on just bc someone apparently had this queued for fix months and that's hilarious to me

[despoticmouse]

Is the scup the type to wriggle around helplessly when SM is fighting, or do they just grab a spear and start running at the first extremely deadly thing they can spot

The Slup has never had anything so… savory! 🤤

And SM is a little horrified by the massacre. Later they’ll feel proud by the show of strength of being able to tear a whole lizard’s leg off!

#artists on tumblr #blood #tw blood #rain world #rain world downpour #rain world slugcat #slugcat #slugpup #spearmaster #rain world spearmaster #rain world slugpup #dots got a little desperate #sorry you had to see them like that #but they will be doing that again #SM is going to have to get used to having a fully carnivorous sluppy now #dots will no longer accept anything that isn’t fresh meat #they WILL just starve themselves instead of eating fruit

[uncanny-tranny]

Good news! You aren't required to make your hobbies and passions "marketable." In fact, your crafts, hobbies, and passions don't even need to be public if you so choose. You don't have to spend all of your energy becoming perfect if you aren't enjoying the process. You are not a product, you are a person, a creative, and your work also does not need to be a product.

#positivity #yet another post that's like... thinnly-veiled as being for myself #i find myself freezing with anxiety when i think about the things i used to do (writing especially) because... #...i had felt this force to make it ~content~ and ~marketable to an audience~ and it was so fucking daunting... #...it felt like being a gladiator in a coliseum #even now i fight the urge to equate being marketable to being acceptable and worthy of admiration and praise #i wish i hadn't burnt myself out of writing by doing this because i'm simultaneously grieving my writing and hating it #and it sucks the life out of what makes you feel like a person and it takes the art out of art #so be free! pist your art or don't! you are beholden to nobody!!! #(obviously this is not the case for professional artists who rely on their art to keep them alive) #(and i criticize heavily the idea that audiences are entitled to an artists labour) #(i understand that this isn't universal and if it doesn't apply to you then you don't have to take me seriously) #(if you are a professional artist or what have you i hope you are able to feed and house yourself off of that career!) #(i hope you are able to live a happy life and be able to keep loving what you're doing)

[plulp]

IM NOT A DOCTOR BUT I THINK I MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP

#my art #dol #harper the doctor #HIIIIIIIIIIII HI EVERYONE 👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋 #its a little bit off so that makes me kinda upset :( but ill figure something out. it might be the colors :( #or maybe the spacing? i left a lot in the top left :( but its fine #and im going to use every lyric of that song for every harper piece i make so that i dont have to think about making captions okay? #but HERE. a HARPER PIECE YOU CAN REBLOG #i give them the stupid messy sidebun because its cute. to me. #im so sorry about the radio silence but i DID warn you all i get artblock often #but!!!!!! i was also accepted into a zine despite my lack of internet presence :) so ive also been busy with that and other stuff too #accidentally made this while practicing for the piece because i couldnt get the style right :( but hopefully ill get a better hold on it #anyways. harper is not a doctor and i love them so much it makes me sick #harper my EVERYTHING. hes my PRINCESS. #MY ANGEL. #i want you all to remember this isnt just an art blog. its a harper fanblog #ohhh but i do have a few few few announcements to make in my next post okay? so dont ignore it alright? kiss kiss love you #IM GONNA BE FUCKING SICK HES HOLDING THE SYRINGE WRONG. AND I CANT FIX IT NOW BECAUSE ITS BEEN RBED

[redysetdare]

Thinking abt how so many characters in media who canonically state that they don't like people touching them constantly have their boundaries broken and are forced into hugs by other characters and every single time they are shown to be upset it's supposed to be a flaw that they need to overcome until they just are forced to accept/like it.

#text #touch averse #no wonder ppl assume the same of real ppl #everyone wants to think of themselves as the acception as the one who will fix you and make you like hugs #i hate that. i hate you media who have characters with touch aversion as a flaw #we need more characters who are just touch averse and people accept that #no acceptions no 'growth' no 'fixing them' or 'making them love hugs' nothing. #only thought abt this becuz im rewatching kipo and it bugs me so much that wolf tells kipo to not hug or touch her #and kip just responds with 'deal with it' and then later on wolf is suddenly fine with hugging and repeats kipos line #it feels so wrong because it was a blatant disrespect of boundaries that was played off as a good thing