#abled priveledge

[thesickpanda]

The Ableds are At it Again

Story time!

Years ago, when I was running a feminist non-profit and getting increasingly immersed in leftwing spaces and rhetoric, I came across what I then thought of as a peculiar phenomenon. I’d entered feminist activism *totally* naive, and had no clue about the different approaches, ideologies and sects within it (it was a harsh and steep learning curve). The phenomenon I observed was how certain minority groups stuck to themselves. For example, most of the feminist groups I found myself attending were blindingly white, and I knew my city to be very multicultural, so I dumbly thought, “where are all the women of colour?”  My little white noggin’ still had the rainbows and unicorns notion that “We Are All Women Who Share the Same Struggle! Therefore We Should Stick Together!”, completely ignorant of the history of feminism, particularly white feminism, in doing the exact opposite of that (a trend that persists to this day). I had the audacity to feel miffed that black women made their own feminist groups and often termed them by other names. How could we Win the Fight Against Patriarchy if we stood divided, I thought?

Ha. Ha ha. Haaaaaa.

It took me quite a while to understand why minority groups did this. It’s because dealing with privilege, particularly white and abled privilege, is unbelievably exhausting, annoying and frustrating. It also gets in the way of any progress you might actually make in your activism. The people who spearhead such groups are tone-deaf to criticism and don’t make time or space for issues that don't directly affect them and them alone. They’ll pay flimsy lip service to black, indigenous, disabled and transwomen from time to time, but that is about it. For the record, I was never part of any TERF groups, just groups that oozed middle class white privilege. In time, I started joining groups that were more diverse, and I was *always* welcomed into spaces run by people of colour (which, when I look back on it, was an honour and not an entitlement). I learned a lot from the multicultural women’s groups I joined and how different their struggle actually looked. (I am myself a migrant from a developing country). I listened a lot, spoke little and realized how small the scope of most white feminist led organisations were. And I decided to make my own group a different sort of space. Years later, I feel I mostly achieved that, but I did so by platforming more than just white women, and collaborating with diverse groups on issues that were important to them. I made strong ties with those groups and made sure to check in. I absolutely still had my blind spots and I got it wrong a lot, but I was determined to try. 

The point is, I understand why minority groups stick together, because dealing with privileged groups is painful, difficult and annoying as fuck.

I am disabled and my number one complaint (and the chief reason I quit activism after a near decade) is how relentlessly ableist I found activist spaces. Venues were often inaccessible, and few if any accommodations were made to people who were blind, deaf or used a wheelchair. I had real difficulty getting to some of the locations of events and meetings, almost all of which were city based (as in the CBD) and never out in the “poorer” parts of the wider city (where I lived). The distance of a venue to public transport was almost never factored in. Abled bodied volunteers would ghost me after committing to projects or events, leaving me, the chronically ill person, to pick up the slack over and over again, pushing myself into crash after crash (their excuses for not turning up ranged from, “I felt tired” to “I forgot” to no reason at all.) Hosting events in the city was often prohibitively expensive, and there were no grants to help small community groups pay for such expenses as venues and AUSLAN interpreters. Chairs in public venues were hideously uncomfortable and I was always in agony. If there was food, intolerances and allergies were rarely catered for. People used to ditch me at train stations where they said they’d pick me up and help me with my bags, so I was in a flare by the time I reached the location of the event. It was, frankly, hellish. Whenever I dared to call out ableism in my so-called allies, they took enormous offense and either demanded I apologize to them, or they quit on me. (I am trauma-trained to be polite and conflict-averse, so it took courage for me to say anything at all). Such experiences eventually wore me down until I left activism with a great deal of bitterness. 

After that, I spent more time in spaces for the chronically ill and disabled and my goodness, what a difference that made. I went to local groups and found a welcoming, understanding space where I didn't need to JADE (justify, argue, defend and explain) my position all the time; where accommodations were made for my disability without fuss; where people just *got* it. I really enjoyed being in those support groups. I started befriending other people with chronic illnesses and just found myself a great deal more at ease in their company.  I enjoyed this for such a brief time, because then Covid hit and made going to those places in person impossible for me. Thankfully, I have my wonderful Tumblr mutuals, my international friends, and my local support group still does meetings via Zoom, and I have managed to keep up with some of my chronically ill and disabled friends, both locally and in the city. I am glad I had the opportunity to meet them all before things went pandemic shaped.

 Now for rub:

I write all this, because I am in the midst of what feels like yet another fall out with able-bodied friends. These friends promised me they cared for me and I could tell them anything; that they’d be open to hearing my views and learning more about my disability. They took no initiative to do this in their own time, mind you, and at the time they met me (just as I was leaving feminist activism behind) I was in no mood to be their tutor. I just wanted local buds to hang out with, play games, go for walks etc. I wanted to feel, and be treated like, a human being. I’d been an activist educator for 9 years and I was tired of it. I just wanted to live my life at that point. I also got a vibe that they were saying those things without actually understanding what honesty might look like from a disabled person. I don’t think they actually expected me to ever call out ableist behaviour. I got the impression that if I ever did, it would not go over well. So I bit my tongue on a number of things, and made a whole heap of allowances for less-than-ideal statements and behaviours. I was in the midst of cutting ties with my abusive family, and desperately in need of a tribe nearby me, so I swallowed down my discomfort and chose to focus on their good sides and the nice things they had to offer.

This worked fairly well up until recently, when we started going into discussions around class, race, human rights and so on. They are white vegans with, let me just say, a very White Vegan headspace (ya’ll know what I am referring to here) and so have a nihilist and reductionist “anti-human” view. Now, to be fair to them, when they met me, I kinda had the same view (albeit from a totally different angle and from different experiences). I was over Humans et large, due to the appalling treatment my disabled ass received for years in leftwing spaces. If the very people who were supposed to care about issues pertaining to disability weren’t even bothering to do that, then what the hell was the point of doing anything, I thought? I was thoroughly jaded and let down by people, so it was easy to fall into step with their negative views on people in general. Theirs was a “humans are terrible because they kill animals and torture each other and pollute” mindset and mine was a “people are lazy, selfish, narrow-minded and ego-driven and I am DONE” mindset.

Then I got therapy.

Therapy changed everything.

Therapy helped me find myself. I identified the problems in my own behavior and the causes of those maladaptive copes (losing myself in activism as a substitute for grieving my dead activist father being one of them). Through EMDR I probed my dark depths, reckoned with the chronic and terrible emotional abuse I had endured growing up, grieved the family I deserved but never had, reconciled with my work addiction and, most importantly, rediscovered my inner child and her beautiful propensity towards hope. I was so broken when I met my psych, having given up my career in activism (which destroyed what was left of my fragile health) and in the midst of breaking up with my family. I was in a very dark place and suicidal. But bit by bit, she has been restoring the light within me, and helping me to love myself and make peace with my past and its mistakes.

I am changing.

So when my friends started on one of their nihilist anti-human rants a few weeks ago (see this post), I started to counter it with nuance, hope and optimism. And….

They didn't like that. Not one bit.

I tried to address it with them in a follow up meeting. I explained that my mental health was fragile but that I was trying to recover it, and that hope in the world, hope in the process, was important for me to get through this phase in my life. Initially they said they understood and would respect that, and then not 10 minutes later I was dealing with an absurd defence of why mass omnicide was the only way to fix the universe’s evil ways (i.e. “blow up the universe to end all suffering”). It was preachy, it was ignorant, it was genocidal language (which for disabled people, along with most other minority groups, is really offensive) and then the more I probed it the more they doubled down. The two of them bullied me in their defense of an indefensible (and philosophically lazy) world view, which is that suffering negates all other aspects of life, and as long as suffering exists, life shouldn’t.

We ended that meeting with quiet hurt and the next day I got a text from my white abled bodied friend accusing me of hurting her feeling by calling out some of the things she said as racist (they were - viewing the survival of brown babies thanks to improved healthcare in Sierra Leone as a net negative for the world because “more humans” is outrageously racist) and ableist (devaluing life because of any form of suffering is massively devaluing the lives of people with chronic pain  and illness, or other forms of disability). I called these things out gently, but no matter how much padding you give a call-out, The Ableds Get Weird.

I had invited those friends over because I was having a difficult few weeks for a variety of reasons, and I needed to be cheered up. I made that need clear at the beginning.. I had also hoped I could explain to them why I needed them to uplift and support me with positivity at the moment, as doing the trauma therapy was hard work and draining, and I needed wind put into my sails, not taken out of it. So to come away from that gathering feeling disrespected, stressed out and deeply hurt, did a real number on my health. As they had always told me I could be vulnerable with them, this hurt twice as badly, because when (after years) I finally tested that theory and *was* vulnerable enough to say “Hey, I don’t appreciate it when you say that problematic thing”, I got a faceful of white fragility, outrage and defensiveness.

Oh, the precious little ego of the self-appointed white savior.

My partner pointed out something interesting. He said, “they are left leaning in theory, but the only actions they take are in the defense of animal rights, and animals cannot talk back to them. Animals are “under their care” and have no voice. Animals are beings to be saved, playing into that savior complex. Animals cannot call out problematic behaviours or narrow-minded views. They are not used to having to support or uplift a group that can talk back.”

I thought that was quite astute.

Anyway, after the event, I went into my third flare in as many weeks, and I have been physically sick from the stress and anxiety of the situation every day since it happened. My pain has gotten worse; my nightmares (which were just starting to abate due to therapy) returned with a vengeance; I lost all the weight I’d tried so hard to regain due to chronic IBS; I cannot hold my food down and I can hardly sleep. My partner tried to talk to them, at first in person (they were in such denial about their part in this fiasco he came back crestfallen) and then again through an olive-branch email that basically said, “let’s just let it go but proceed in future with some boundaries, namely, let’s not talk about pessimist world views and politics and instead focus on the things we bond over, like board games and nature walks). He knew they weren’t up to the challenge of understanding the complexity of this situation, and so he'd tried to give everyone an easy out. Forgive and forget, move past it, avoid thorny topics in future. They sat on that for days, apparently deliberating whether or not the friendship they had framed with terms like “forever” and “found family” and “we love you” was actually worth a dime to them.

I got angry. And despite my illness, I sat down and wrote a letter explaining my past, who I was, who I am now and who I intend to become. I explained in more academic terms why their views were problematic, but also went to great pains to say that I don't write people off for having problematic views because everyone does (myself included) and told them the same story I have told you, dear reader at the beginning of this post. I hoped if I explained myself (the old JADE again) they’d understand, but deep down inside, I knew that, judging from their behavior at even the modest call out, this would likely end the friendship for good.

They completely ignored that email. As in, they acknowledge its receipt, but literally none of its content. In fact, they framed my writing it as “taking things too far”. Funny how when the injured party speaks up, it’s all getting too much for them to bear. Gotta love the further silencing of the disabled victim here. Instead they deflected, made petty comebacks and basically wanted to handwave the whole thing away without giving anything due consideration or making clear that they understood the situation at all.

 My partner and I crafted another reply to them to address this. We await their response. 

If at the end of all this they discard me for being my honest self, then I will discard the notion of even being friends with ableds again. I am so over them and their fragility and egotistical defenses.

People who won’t support your growth in a better direction are not worth keeping around.

I’m just gonna hang out with my fellow spoonies, and all of you beautiful peeps here in my carefully curated and wonderful Tumblr community.

Seriously. Ables ARE weird. And not the good kind.

And I am so DONE with it.

[Addendum: for the record, I am not against vegans or anything; just a very particular type of poorly reasoned and highly privileged white vegan headspace that often comes into conflict with disabled and indigenous peoples and their lives]

#white vegans #ableists #ableism #abledsareweird #the ableds are at it again #white fragility #white priveledge #abled priveledge #dealing with ignorance #mental health #oh god not this again #long post

[welcome-to-the-agender-agenda]

Stick with me because this might sound bigoted at first...

We should stop telling people to treat everyone the same.

Because of race, gender, sexual orientation, religion, backgrounds, disabilities, sex and all sorts of other things we should not treat everyone the same.

It's actually harmful to tell people that because that way people (especially christian, white, cishet, allo men) won't understand and appreciate all the struggles that people go through day to day just by existing.

If we tell people to treat everyone the same, we're not telling them to help or to encourage or to recognise that things are difficult for different groups and that goes for everyone.

Most importantly, we're telling privileged people to treat everyone as if they also have those priveleges.

It's the wrong message to be giving out.

#lgbtq+ #disabilties #feminism #mixed race #privelege #straight privilege #white priveledge #male privilege #abled privilege #religious privilege #equal rights #equity #equity not equality

[mrblazeflappybird]

I wish I was old enough to put my privilege to use.

#like i may be a trans bi white boy but I look like a cishet white boy #You couldn't tell I'm neurodivergent if I didn't tell anyone (probably) #I have all this priviledge and I can't use it because I'm too young to do anything that makes an impact #I wanna be a politician or go into politics and do human rights #I wish I could do that now because i'm worried by the time I'm old enough the world will be in peices #I just wish I could do more than just share posts and like fundraisers and spread the word on the problems people need to see #I want to actively help improve things but right now my role is to “like comment and share” #It sucks seeing people suffer and not being able to use the priveledge I've been blessed with to try get ignorant people to understand #Anyway sorry for the tag rant #I just want to do something more than just post about things on my tiny tumblr blog and pray someone else can do something #because I cant yet #and that really sucks

[brightokyolights]

I hate when im trying to explain something to someone and they literally do not Get It until I can successfully find a comparable anecdote that they personally relate to. I am always just like

#i have a rule about comparing situations because people get so annoying being like 'oh thats not the same' or 'i wouldn't care' #and it gets SO pendantic #like yeah its different for you!! #hence why i try to just explain the sitch as is because im sorry but you should be able to feel empathy for people without directly being #able to relate to them. apologies for the controversial take #and its EXACTLY why people who have so much priveledge and dont really experience discrimination get away with not worrying about so many #issues. because for a lot of people if something doesnt directly relate to them/impact them they dont think its an issue and they dont care #why oh why do i have to be so hell bent on being a just person when i could instead be a brain dead bigot instead 🤣😭😭 #anyways. its fine. i will get over it. you win some you lose some. but i thought a good tumblr rant would help me process my emotions lmao #le text post

[weirdisnowthenewcool]

There's such a weird gap between "legally deemed fit to work" and "fit to hire" and "employable"

I will always take too many sick days, I will always face disciplinary action due to absence. no amount of accomodation will make me into an healthy person

Ultimately I'm just a bad worker. In disabled, I will never be as cost effective as an able person. And like emotionally that's fine I don't tie my worth to my ability to produce labour, but it's does put me in a weird financial future. Fit to work, not fit to hire, not fit to progress in a career.

Just an odd place to be in

#disability talk #im pretty priveledged in the amount of access i have to like the able worlds shite day to day #im ambulatory #hell i can jse stairs at a push #but like im still. sick and in pain and under-diagnosed #there is no way for capitalism to ne anything other than ableist

[junhui]

living with parents is not something i would wish upon anyone this shit is awful and my mental health has never been worse

#i mean i’m stressed for lots of reasons and my parents are just adding to that stress #but i feel like i can’t talk about my stresses without them making it worse #ugh #however i know that i am very priveledged to be able to live with them #but that doesn’t mean its not hard

[girlashfur]

Serene Feathers : Roles

chiefs : the leader of a flock. chosen by the mother god herself, each leader is responsible for the lives and safety of each member of the flock, and tasked with leading them to safety and greatness. when a chief dies, the flock's seer will choose the new chief by the next morning, with the guidance and wisdom of mother hanhi.

seers : the chosen goose who speaks to the mother for the flock, and guides them spiritually. the second highest ranking, often very close with the chief. only one per flock.

maidens : the caretakers and babysitters of the flock. traditionally feminine, but can be filled by geese of any identity. they are heavily respected and some of the first to feed when food is brought home to the flock, since they have a very hard and stressful job. maidens are not allowed to have mates, since risking children of their own could potentially cause bias in the care of goslings.

sergeants : geese valued for their ability to plan fights and wars; they keep track of territory owned by other flocks nearby, and in the dreaded occasion war breaks out, will plan out and order the fighters of the flock. there are usually only 1 to 3 sergeants per flock. a role that is sometimes looked down on because of it's violent nature, but also sometimes praised, depending on the flock.

studs : the largest and strongest geese of the flock. they help with anything requiring strength such as building shelters, moving objects, intimidating enemies, guarding camps, etc. traditionally a masculine role, but can be filled by geese of any identity as long as they are big.

clinics : those who help mend injuries, cure sicknesses, and teach safety to other geese of the flock. sometimes working alongside the seer, in scenarios where spirituality may help with healing. if a goose is to die, they will bury the body with the help of the seer who will then send a prayer to ensure the deceased pass on.

balancers : the rest of the flock, often the most vast or common role. fully grown geese who do not fit any other particular role. they may be trained in very basic knowledge of several skills, and be made to step in and fill specific roles in emergencies if needed, but otherwise do not have much of a job besides providing food and basic safety for their flockmates. somewhat low ranking, since they do not serve much purpose.

goslings : the young and underdeveloped of the group. at 8 weeks old, the flock's seer and chief will meet with the gosling's parents to discuss what role they will fit when they are grown. they will then start training in this role, and be considered fully grown into their role at 12 weeks old.

underlings : the lowest of the flock. hardly any protections or priveledges besides being kept in the camp. this is a role a goose is given as a punishment, typically for betraying the flock or chief, and may be able to grow out of if they improve. if an underling does not improve in enough time, or their behavior worsens, they may be expelled from the flock. prisoners are also considered underlings.

#ashie rambles #serene feathers #xenofiction

[sincerelylea]

1:36 am. austin. rising upside down.

“tell me how am i to feel.” it wasn’t spoken with veracity or venom on the tongue; not quite. more of a statement. you hadn’t expected an answer. 

it was cool that night. cool enough to sleep with the thicker blanket sprawled on the bed - furnaces of heat shared between your bodies. the light patter of rain began at 10, the heavier fall at around 12. it was music to hear the fat drops hit your home. inside, creating a cacophony of muted white-noise. 

there, in that moment, shared between the rain and your lover, touch becoming an instrument of your infatuation. though you supposed it always had been. but this, this was intimacy in it’s purest form. 

he always looked good surrounded in white and black. his pillow always smelled of his shampoo and musk; though his hair always just smelled nice. like him. 

he left his signature on nearly everything, your favorite being the hoodies and shirts he’d leave around the bedroom. 

“how do you want to feel.” he responds then, breaking you of your trance of tracing his jawline and staring into his face. 

“hmm.” the pads of your fingers leave a cool touch in their wake. his eyes softly close for a moment as you trace the curve of his nose remaining in quiet thought. “i don’t know. i’m just really happy to be here right now.” 

his eyes open, his smile indolent as it stretches handsomely across his face. you prop yourself on an elbow then, gaining better view of him. idle hands rest on the curve of your thigh, you wished to kiss his hands in that moment. 

“you’re happy? that’s good.” he laughs when you do, your hand settling on the side of his face, pushing back messy dirty blonde tufts of hair. 

“how do you want to feel.” you follow up. the rain remains steady, the soft sound of water in the flowing gutters - like small homemade waterfalls. 

he too, thinks. you can see it in his face when his eyes get thin and he bites his lips. “i want to feel the way i do right now, forever.” his lips shift, he bites his cheek. 

it’s now that he touches you, he grasps your face - with a stunningly gentle hold between his fingers, eyes trained on your lips for a moment. he wants only you, you can see it in his eyes and it steals the breath from your lungs when you realize it. that he could ever want anything to do with you. 

your face falls, a short chuckle slipping through your smile. he follows, asking a curt what? as if he hadn’t left you a puddle with a single look. 

you return to laying on your side. the warmth of the sheets leave your eyes heavy as you look at him. he shifts with you. 

they were dense blue, centering in at green and a golden hint of hazel near his pupils. the warmth of his gaze left shockwaves rolling down your arms, as though you couldn’t look too long - or the heat would travel to your face and you’d be found out. 

“you’re an angel.” 

it slips out before you can stop it, so quiet he thinks he might’ve missed it. you’re surrounded by white bedsheets, hair framing your face beautifully as it always did. because it was you. it was you existing. and that was more than he could ever want. to be able to look at you was his greatest priveledge. 

“kiss me.” he says. 

#austin butler #austin butler x you #elvis #austin butler x reader #austin butler imagine #austin butler x y/n #austin butler scenario #austin butler headcanon #fluff #comfort

[gfbillpotts]

Let's talk about Angel Crowley's rank and how it affected his personality (and how it relates to Aziraphale's decision):

There are plenty of evidences in S2 of Crowley having been a High Rank Angel before the Fall. He is able to open classified documents, can conjure extremely powerful miracles and is generally recognized by a number of people while not remembering them back.

Now, from what we see in their first meeting, Crowley seems to have the freedom to create entire universes without much supervision. In fact, he seems to be so enthralled with doing his own thing he doesn't even know of God's plan of creating Earth. It doesn't seem like something that was withheld from him, just some meeting he clearly didn't bother showing up.

Crowley seems to have been high rank enough that he was barely worried about questioning too much, while Aziraphale was terrified.

What I'm saying with all of this is: Crowley had priviledge in Heaven to create as he pleased, to interact with others as he pleased and to care or not about issues as he pleased.

That shapes someone's personality. Even if Falling was surely a massive, traumatizing, humbling experience, Crowley still caried that devil-may-care (pun intended) attitude with him.

Which is why it has always been so much easier for him to place himself as a free agent and not care so much about sides. He had the priveledge to be individualistic before and it carried out with him as a way of survival when he fell.

But Aziraphale never had that.

Aziraphale was a relatively low rank angel. He never created anything. He never decided on anything. He was only supposed to shut up and follow orders. His most remarkable duty that we know of was protecting the Eastern Gate and he even failed at that.

Aziraphale always needed to look over his shoulder. He didn't have the luxury of skipping meetings to create stars like Crowley seemed to have. He had to always be ready and do what he was told.

So not only is defiance not something that comes easy for him, as we very well know, but the Metatron finally gave him a chance to CREATE something. To do more than follow orders. To have worth.

Crowley already had that and he didn't care for it, he knows it's all bullshit. He's seen the files and he's been to the meetings. But Aziraphale hasn't. He doesn't know it's all pointless. He genuinely thinks that maybe now that he gets a chance to speak, he will be heard.

So, I think Crowley still hasn't realized that Aziraphale, as a low rank angel, doesn't see all the behind-the-scenes things that he's seen. And Aziraphale still needs to proof to himself and Crowley, this Once All Powerful Angel that he loves and admires so much, that he can do more.

Crowley never even told him all the things he saw about what they were planning when he went to Heaven, so how's Aziraphale to know his intentions of breaking the system are pointless?

#good omens #good omens spoilers #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow

[mamaito]

[Live A Hero] Prologue

-- Boys and girls, and surely anyone out there must've at least dreamed of a promising future.

One where they get to go to have a job that they loved--, One where they get to be with someone together in blissful happiness--, One where they get to obtain the desired look that they've been dreaming of--

Right there, the self indulging moon was ever beautiful.. Spreading it to the world so that their bright futures could be reached.

You were betting your dreams towards it, not even the rain could tear it away from them, and it was only then did that person was given the priveledge to be recognized by it.

And so, never would that person ever let anyone take that dream from them ever again not even any tall hurdle, decided that they would henceforth confront anything in their way.

Society then decided-- This existence and desire that were surrounding humans as they gaze out-- And possibly, their entire lives.

If a wall was established ahead of it, one has to go over even if it meant biting down, otherwise you'd have to give up and turn your heel at the thought of branching out on your own.

If it is your own desire to arrive at the future you've been dreaming of-- Even if meant coming out not entirely human..

However, even if you did arrive at where this future of yours, what do think about in having a glimpse of it?

After this, you'll be able to reach that future. By nightfall, something will illuminate to grant your dream, and then you'll be able to help out and give it onto others too.

There are no [if]'s in this world-- You'll be able to borrow a parallel world through your own efforts alone, and now is the time to fight off the enemies that threatens it.

The people of that cosmos then--

Will call you a [Hero].

[Fat Cameraman?] "Come on, The Milky Way Galaxy is going to air [LIVE @ HERO], let's all watch it together, everyone! Sorry for the wait!"

"We've arrived just in time, according to the parallel flight's hero company, the live battle will--"

"Here, the planet earth's hero is ranked the third in the entire solar system, hailing from the country, Japan. That has one of the biggest oriental cities out there to be escorted on!"

["Fweh!?"] ["Where is this place!?] ["What- What!?"]

[Fat Cameraman?] "The arrival of the hero obliterator, they're getting ready for battle!"

"The companies are expecting a fresh batch of new heroes. There's been a sudden boom in the city due to the oppressive atrocities happening, and now there are two monsters spotted that are going to battle it out!"

"Monsters have been causing havoc on this town's harmony and I don't intend to miss them go out beautifully in order to regain back what was lost!"

[Monster] "GRAAAHHH!!"

["WAAH!?"] ["A monster..!?"]

[Beast-Eared Company President?] "Wow, it came back. The companies expecting great things from you, Newcomer Ito."

"-- Hm? What's with the puzzled look on your face. It's like it's your first time meeting with another human being…"

"It'd be bad if you've forgotten what your company president's face looks like. -- Just kidding, I won't do that."

[Sport-Oriented College Student?] "Yo, Ito! I'm tired of waiting, I'm gonna go and transform now!"

[Straight-Laced Girl?] "Now. I'm the only one that can save this town… That's why.. Ito, please, honor this request."

[Tiger Hero?] "Yo, Ito! Today's the day!! Justice!!! We get to serve justice!!!!"

[Beast-Eared Company President?] "Now that's settled, without further ado, it's time to initiate our operations at the spot."

"There's nothing to be worried about. You're a veteran, after all, so you should come and support us. You could call this your off-the-job training."

["Hero…?"] ["Operation…?"] ["Um, where am I suppose to…"]

[Beast-Eared Company President?] "….? For some reason there's something off about you. Don't tell me, you--"

[Fat Cameraman?] "Director, Ito! The monster's beginning to act violent! For the first time we gotta hurry, hurry!"

[Beast-Eared Company President?] "-- Oh. It can't be helped. It must be from all the confusion, It's time to battle."

"Rather than just Mokdai over there. You're a hero now, you can fight, can't you..?"

[Fat Cameraman?] "UAAAAAAHH, He's right! Suit up, suit up!"

[Battle Commences]

[Monster] "Grraaahh.. Raaahh..!!"

[Fat Cameraman?] "A successful delivery, the monster has disappeared and the oriental city's peace has been restored!"

"Everyone, let's give our round of applause and encouragement for the companies new star that has been meeting it's expectations!"

"As you can see, our companies heroes play an active role, so please follow our channel!"

"-- Thank god the internships over! Aah~ I'm so tired…"

["It's over..?"] ["Wh- The hell was that…"] ["Just now, I wasn't the only one who saw that, right…?"]

[Beast-Eared Company President?] "Ito, thank you for your hard work. That was a wonderful battle."

"You really are an exception, Ito. For your first time in being in charge of a battle, you've shown some pretty good skills there."

"Just as I thought, you're--"

"Our--"

[Bar Keeper?] "-- Yo, welcome, welcome, to the [Action Heroes Guild]."

[".. Huh?"] ["After all that, am I still me.."] ["This is..?"]

[Bar Keeper?] "Aah, don't go all emotional now. You realize by now that it's too late to be saying those things."

"You did beg the company director to be in it, remember? You were boasting about finally being employed in such a wonderful partnership."

"-- Hm? What? What's up with you, it's like you're meeting me for the first time or something from how hard you're staring at me."

"Don't tell me you forgot!? We're superheroes and this here is a hero pub, it's written right here on my breast pocket that I'm the pub owner of this joint, Procy!"

"… Phew, can't believe all of that just came out of my own mouth, how embarrassing. C'mon, I'm taking you somewhere."

[Bar Keeper?] "Ooh, are those glint in your eyes that I'm seeing? Don't go breaking the telecom searcher now."

"I've been managing this one.. So you gotta understand. Good grief, we've come here so I can explain it."

"Right, from the top. This here's an ether crystal. Go and concentrate your mind on it--"

"This is for detecting a hero's very being, of course, the panels here manage that so you can summon them, simple, right?"

["Can detect a hero's being…?"] ["For.. What purpose..?"] ["Ah, I think I'm getting it now."]

[Bar Keeper?] "… Is it too strange for you? If there's anything you want to talk about, I'm willing to listen."

"Well, it's fine if you somehow slipped up every now and then, you know."

"Here, I'll let you hold some amount of ether crystals, hmph.. Now then, let's see which one you find."

"C'mon, do it. It's unfortunate that you have to deal with that guy so I'm going to lend some to you."

"Whatever comes out of it, don't go regretting it now, alright?"

[Summoning Gacha Commences]

[Bar Keeper?]

"Oh, how'd that make you feel? Were you satisfied with your contract with that person?"

"Well, still, the more you consider it, the more strange of a habit it is."

"You--"

"-- Can-- Do it--"

-- You took it out hastily, breaking away from the memory fragments of someone else's experience as it fades, ending with you waking up in this place.

In this vacant and empty room, the ceiling was flooded by the starry skies.

The planetarium-like ceiling forms a circular shape and the numerous wishes that are clinging onto it were shimmering brightly.

You walk towards the metallic bed, it swings from the stirring of something larger above and you let your body lie on it.

["Something--"] ["I wonder what that was.."] ["Where is this place..?"]

In addition to those stars below, the great blue could be seen shining around the globe.

It is-- Without a doubt, earth.

[???] "-- Welcome back, how was it? From your first task in being an observer?"

A voice calls out to you in the opposite direction, someone with a larger physique and fur as white as snow, it was a male.

He stares at you for a long moment then bends down respectfully.

[Mysterious Man] "I have been waiting. In this cramped room here. -- Our new [Observer]."

["Is that body of yours..?"] ["Who are you!?"] ["Observer…?"]

Ito lets out a faint voice in response and pointed at herself and the male in question answers back again.

[Mysterious Man] "This is the home that was granted to you by the faculty. It's for the sake of you having a better experience--"

"You've sent out a message that your consciousness be sent ahead, and arrangements were planned…"

"Hence the title, Observer. I wonder.. Was the ability to simulate an experience somewhat enjoyable for you?"

["Explain this to me!"] ["Answer me!"] ["… Wh!?"]

[Mysterious Man] "… Oh dear, how rude of me. But I am expected to be forward and report back only the facts, I have already given as many explanations that I could possibly give."

"But do not fret. You will have the answers to those questions in time."

"I-- That's right. Please call for absence."

"Me and you, are what's commonly called as extraterrestrial beings."

"The original objective of the observer is to meet- Pardon, is to avoid unless there is an exception from revealing your existence… That is what was directly told to me."

"And in this rare occasion, I was relayed in letting you know that you've been given a request, a request to invite a ship into ours."

["An extraterrestrial being..!?"] ["In what way is my body a joke to you..?"]

[Mysterious Man] "Oh my, what has gotten you all flustered. You're able to breathe on earth. Of course, it would've been better to move to another star."

"Ah, how rude. Master has yet to come into contact with the aliens on earth."

[Mysterious Man] "It has been approximately 180 years since. This earth has confronted crisis that are unprecedented at most."

"There were times when they were on the verge of destruction but something in the universe appeared, a visit from another lifeform lended them a hand for the time being so that they can escape this destruction they've set themselves on--"

"-- As one would call it, a [Hero] emerged."

["Hero..?"]

[Mysterious Man] "That's right, a hero. Might've been from your world but, the films seem to be intimate with it."

[Mysterious Man] "These threats-- were called monsters by everyone."

"Monsters were large menaces who were often antagonistic in every way. That was when it happened, a hero."

"The world's dream and desires became a reality, in order to keep up with the cosmos, they built equipment to serve as weapons, and perhaps to be able to have the ability to borrow--"

"The same abilities as those monsters in order to keep up with them, put them at bay and monitor their actions. Eventually everyone managed to assault them back and free the others."

"You have already experienced what it'd be like to battle what those heroes have been fighting with."

[Mysterious Man] "They are often times fighting for control alongside an observer. -- One who has the perception to assess the battle field."

"Assessing information through one's line of sight, that person's perception has the dreams of others on their shoulders be made possible."

"They tend to invite many onlookers to the scene, so they devised a way for the whole universe to broadcast their fights within safe distance as the people listen and watch."

[Mysterious Man] "Just like that, they've garnered themselves an audience through watching it in interest. It has been a reoccurring thing in the entire universe, that those outsiders watching is what gives those gang of heroes the power."

"The observer has the power to survey and assess-- Those who have the strongest perception out of many… And, well, that would be you, Observer."

"Yes… it is without a doubt, that this would the reason for master to have been selected due to those abilities."

The broker has his gaze fixed elsewhere. His jet black eyes narrowed-- And a ominous smile peeked through.

[Mysterious Man] "Also.. You have made something rather extraordinary. We have joined up to turn you into something special, drawing the line between what makes one an observer."

["Turn me in what way…?"] ["Joined up…!?"]

[Mysterious Man] "In what way, you asked? Don't you want to be respected by others? There is nothing for you to worry about too much. You're very existence has always been the same."

"I am referring to that parallel world self of yours, however, that is all there is to it. There is hardly any pain to it, right?"

[Mysterious Man] "Rather than let yourself announce your success on your own. Instead of being just a spectator from the outside, how about becoming an observer on the inside also by combining together those two sides of yours--"

"Being the universe's strongest.. Not even the cosmos itself would be able to grab hold of your abilities."

"Well then-- That is all there is to my exposition. I am certain there is no one out there smart enough to do it like you, nor could anyone out perform you."

"This is a request that I would like you to reconsider, and as it were, I would like this be kept a secret that you've received this kind of suggestion."

["A request..?"] ["What if I refuse?"]

[Mysterious Man] "Yes, yes, a reasonable one at that. If you've come to the conclusion to refuse then that's that.. If you've come to the resolution to do it, that is."

"It is brimmed with ether, and the air's atmosphere is not quite bad. There is no reason for the universe to kick you out from resigning… Yet."

"-- Well, that was just a joke. I apologize for such a difficult conversation to be discussing. At the very least, do lend me your ear."

"Master.. From now on, this earth is your home. I'm returning you back."

"And so, as always, you will be living here for the rest of your life."

"Yes, that's right-- The you that you'll be wearing will be the same one that you've been using, forever."

["Forever?"] ["… That's it?"]

[Mysterious Man] "Yes.. I didn't want it to come to this. Please, as you would, please respect this one heartful action."

"Just like that, I would like you to continue working just as hard as you would as before, and support those genuine heroes of that town forward--"

"-- Before long, remember those bitter days in that world as it turns into a eventual ruin of a world it once was."

He chuckles, bending down towards you with a sense of eeriness to his professional smile.

[Mysterious Man] "-- Right, do you want any advice for your concerns?"

"You'll always be an observer so take my advice and never reveal it to anyone."

"If you ever exposed yourself that you're an observer to any of those popular heroes out there, even a slight bit of it… Well."

"From the way I see it, it is more of a [curse] to even be able to talk about it so lightly really… I'm more relieved to be living this long."

"I believe it is more fun to meet and live together with those heroes forever, right?"

"Again… if you get eaten or die from the monsters out there, why, that would be the most boring way to conclude this."

He makes a fake noise as if he was in low spirits, Broker then approaches. Just from under his breath, he murmured.

[Mysterious Man] "You… Are the last key to opening one's nature if it weren't for this."

At that moment, Broker pulled something--

Your own vision becoming white as you are then thrusted into it. A dazzling light flashes momentarily before disappearing off completely.

The figure of the one who you knew as the Broker was beginning to get distant, and your own mind becoming blurry.

["W-wait…!"] ["AAAAAHHH!!"]

[Mysterious Man] "-- Well, it's been nice knowing you. You've held a good life as an observer."

[Mysterious Man] "-- Ito."

#translation #live a hero

[rjalker]

"trans men and nonbinary people aren't allowed to have words to describe the specific oppression they face, because trans women don't oppress them!!!"

well I hate to fucking break it to you but the term "transmisogyny" literally does not fucking mean "trans men and nonbinary people oppress trans women" it's literally fucking talking about how **cis people of all genders** react to and treat trans women in particular, punishing them for not being feminine enough, but then acting like when they are feminine, that it's all fake and performative.

The book it's from is also literally exorsexist as fucking hell and racist, (She fucking insists that the white western gender binary is only so prevalant **because it's right** and not because of the fucking systemic genocide and colonization white people have inflicted on other cultues!!! no, no, it's definitely because Everyone is either inherently male or female because their brain is gendered and nonbinary people are just actually binary trans people who are in denial about it so they can be cooler than trans women) and insists one moment that trans men are priveledged because they're seen as women, and then the next starts insisting that they never have trouble passing as cis men and despite the author's claims that she's only talking about her personal experiences, she also literally just pretends her experiences are fucking universal.

But okay. Sure. You can just say you don't give a shit about other trans people and think the oppression we face doesn't exist. You don't need to hide behind protecting trans women as your excuse. It doesn't fucking work. Transmisogyny literally does not fucking mean "trans men and nonbinary people oppress trans women"

Life is not a fucking game where literally all the negative status effects get pointed at trans women and everyone else gets the positive effects. That is literally not how this works and NOT EVEN what fucking Julia Serranno was saying when she coined the fucking term transmisogyny.

And even if that was what she was saying, it wouldn't fucking matter, because she literally does nothing but downplay and ignore all the oppression trans men and nonbinary people face, and fucking says nonbinary people only identify that way so they can feel superior to trans women specifically, oh and also they aren't actually nonbinary at all, they just don't want to admit they're binary trans, because then they wouldn't look cool enough -.-

so like, let me get this straight:

trans men get harassed en masse because they want to create a term to talk about the specific forms of oppression they face. According to some trans women, trans men talking about the oppression they face means they're speaking over trans women, despite trans women not having anything at all to do with trans men being oppressed by cis people.

nonbinary people talk about the ways we are oppressed that binary trans people don't face, and again, specific kinds of trans women leap to accuse us of speaking over trans women, acting like us saying "binary trans people have priveledges we don't" means that we're saying trans women oppress nonbinary people, even though trans women have nothing to do with nonbinary people being oppressed by cis people.

Literally just the other day I saw a post that said "afabs need to stop pretending they're uniquely oppressed for having a pussy".

so maybe, just maybe, the problem here is not trans men and nonbinary people speaking over trans women, on issues that have literally nothing to do with trans women.

Maybe the problem is people think being trans makes it perfectly fine for them to be misogynists, and certain trans women think that the forms of oppression they face (even when they're white, and able-bodied, neurotypical, and perisex, and well off financialy) are the most severe forms of oppression in existance, and that means they can do and say whatever horrible, bigoted shit they want, and it's okay, because they're oppressed, so they can't do anything wrong.

And these certain trans women, who think being oppressed in one way means they're allowed to be a bigot in every other way, now have a vested interest in making sure no one can "out compete" them in being oppressed, because they think other people treat their oppression as a shield to be a bigot the way they do. So any time other people talk about the ways in which they are oppressed, that are different from the way this person is oppressed, then that must, of course, be an attack on them, because if other people say they're oppressed by the same systems, just in different ways, then suddenly they can't use that oppression as an excuse to be a horrible bigoted person -.-

If you see trans men and nonbinary people talking about the specific ways that cis people and our cis-rewarding society oppress them, and you insist that they be silent and "listen to trans women", instead of talking about their own problems, you are literally just a bigot.

And if you say shit like "afabs think they're oppressed for having pussys" you are a fucking misogynist.

No, trans men and nonbinary people do not need to listen to trans women on topics that only affect trans men and nonbinary people. Trans women are not telepathic. Trans women do not get to remember all their past fucking lives. Trans women's experiences with misogyny and transphobia are not fucking universal. That's kinda the entire fucking point of having the term "transmisogyny" - specifically that the things it describes do not apply to everyone.

But certain trans women think that it means they're now part of an exclusive club of "the only people really impacted by transphobia and misogyny in any way worth discussing or calling out", and if anyone else dares to talk about the ways they're oppressed by transphobic and misogynistic cis people, then they take that as a personal attack on their victimhood, which they use as a shield for all their heinous behavior.

If you think the statement "afabs aren't oppressed for having pussys" is perfectly normal and fine and sound and totally a rational argument, then I don't think you have any concept of what misogyny is.

If you, like a person with morals, think that statement is fucking evil and misogynistic as fucking hell, then you do in fact have a responsability to call people out when they say shit like that, and support nonbinary people and trans men when they talk about the ways in which our society oppresses them.

How is trans women using the way they're oppressed as a shield to be a bigot any better than cis white queer people using their queerness as a shield to be a bigot? Or autistic people using their autism as a shield to be a bigot?? I'll give you a hint: it's not.

TLDfuckingR: Julia Serrano is exorsexist and lies about what trans men and nonbinary people experience. Nonbinary people and trans men deserve to have words to describe the specific intersections of misogyny and transphobia they face, and other trans people talking about the ways in which they're oppressed does not oppress trans women or demonize them, because cis people are the ones who systemically oppress trans people, not other trans people, and it's only a small but vocal number of trans women who are misogynists, and they need to be called out for their bigotry.

#I guess I'm going to spend the rest of my fucking life enraged by this shit #discussion of exorsexism #discussion of transphobia #discussion of mispergeny #discussion of misogyny #discussion of transandrophobia #discussion of treiphobia #exorsexism #transphobia #mispergeny #misogyny #transandrophobia #treiphobia #okay I am just using ''treiphobia'' from now on because aPPARENTLY I cann't fucking spell the word ''transandrophpbia' #it took like twenety fucking tries #''the creator of that word is a bigot'' yeah well so the fuck is the creator of the word transmisogyny. are you gonna stop using that or #tell people they can't use that????? no???? cool then shut the absolute fuck up actually. #I paid money for this book and it's exorsexist and lies about trans men and it's literally just a white binary trans woman deciding that #her experience is universal 🤢 #including by being racist as shit by pretending that the white western gender binary is only so prevalant #because it's the right one. Like saying Christianity only spread so far because people genuinely enjoyed it #and not beause people were literally slaughtered for not being christian... #it's so fucking absurdly wrong. #she is literally using her experiences and pretending they're universal #genitals mention #Rjalker reads Whipping Girl #Whipping Girl #Whipping girl exorsexist #Julia Serano #transandromisia

[the-cryptographer]

For the character ask game; Karsh! :D

Thank you!!!

002 | Give me a character: KARSH

How I feel about this character: GAH! Baby boy!! Hands down my favourite Chrono Cross character. I really love how the game goes about revealing him and his character. Like, you meet him as this annoying midboss with a lot of energetic and aggressive lines. And you’re kind of in conflict with him until you go through the quest to rescue Riddel after Porre takes the manor. And I think you generally feel like he’s a pretty friendly guy, until you start to see all this angst and grief with the flashbacks in Temina and taking him to the Isle of the Damned where Solt and Peppor accuse him of MURDER. And you get juuuust enough flashbacks then to conclude he was probably possessed by the Masamune and didn’t mean to kill Dario. And then you run into Dario in the other world and find out Karsh (this bastard) and the game itself were both LYING THROUGH THEIR TEETH. Long story short- the twist got me good. But I think the twist also makes perfect sense. Like, we get very wrapped up in Glenn and Karsh’s own complexes and guilt and feelings of inferiority in the flashbacks, and I think it obscures a probably very real and intense envy that Dario would probably feel towards Karsh. This is all speculative from here on out but- Look at the lives Karsh and Dario are leading. Karsh is this very brash upbeat carefree only child, with parents who obviously adore him (sidenote: I love all the dialogue we get between Karsh and both worlds’ versions of Zappa and Zippa). He’s living a very priveledged life and, while his job might be demanding, it seems to be a responsibility he feels he’s had agency in choosing to shoulder. Meanwhile, Dario is very serious and stoic. He’s an orphan with a younger brother whom he is responsible for, who is living on the charity of his father’s old friends. He kind of has to have it together, and be the adult in situations, be the best at his job, not make himself emotionally inconvinient to the people around him. To Karsh, yeah, it’s upsetting and disappointing that his crush doesn’t like him as much as his friend, or that he keeps getting second place in jousting touraments. But it doesn’t change anything for him. His life remains safe and untouched. He still has family and friends that he loves and who love him. But I think for Dario how much Riddel loving him (preferring him!) must have felt like salvation - a lifeline and a comfort in a life that honestly provided him with very little of that. And what does he have, if by some fickle chance Karsh and Riddel (and General Viper by association) all decide that actually they like each other more than they like him? I just think it makes perfect sense that he’d be so entirely threatened by Karsh, and resentful of the fact that, for what Karsh is a friendly rivalry, is Dario’s entire network of social support. I think it makes sense that THIS is what the Masamune was drawn towards, not whatever petty romantic jealousy Karsh was having. And I think it’s a total mic drop moment that, for all the times Karsh came in second place to Dario in fighting tournaments, the one and only time they fought where anything was ever really on the line for Karsh, Karsh wiped the floor with him. Cut him down. Threw him into the sea. And now all he can do is regret it. I think Karsh wishes he really had been no match for Dario, and that he had died that day instead. I just have so many feels about him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Glenn. Also Riddel. I like what can be inferred about their friendship between the lines of the game and how, well, even if they refuse to talk about it with one another, they’re still very committed to maintaining their relationship and still willing to lay down everything for one another. I feel like in a different world (lol) they might have been able to make it as a couple. But in a meta sense I feel like pulling it off as an endgame ship might be difficult without turning the narrative into ‘give the boy what he wants’ where the thing he wants is a woman objectified, yanno? I see why people like Dario/Karsh too. It doesn’t quite have personal appeal for me, but I wouldn’t say no to reading some~ Definitely also think Karsh had his baby’s first gay crush on General Viper, but it also definitely went over his head. I think that’s it for dynamics I have any informed opinions on? But Chrono Cross is a pretty ripe field for crack ships and such and I don’t think there’s anything I’m particularly opposed to.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Solt and Peppor! They’re great as a comedic trio, but I also like how serious they are about holding their superior officer accountable for his crimes. I feel like they really care. A lot. I appreciate all the unfounded nice things they have to say about him when they’ve decided they were wrong too.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I think to have an unpopular opinion, there would first have to be popular opinions, you know?

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: To be honest I’m pretty satisfied with how Karsh himself was written. I think by comparison I wish the people *around him* were a little more fleshed out. Zoah is an obvious one. I wish we had more content to work with about his and Karsh’s relationship as friends and coworkers. Riddel is another one. I think the writers leaned too hard on making her yamato nadeshiko rather than giving her lines and personality in some places. I mean, I do like the idea that for the entire trip to the Isle of the Damned where Solt and Peppor are throwing murder accusations at Karsh, she just stood in stony condemnatory silence. But I do feel it was probably just an oversight on the part of the writers not to give her any dialogue if you had her in the party. Disappointing. I think a terrible and more general thing to say is, uh, I wish Karsh could have been in a different game? For me, at least, there is a huge gulf between what I find interesting about Chrono Cross - the drama at Viper manor. the political tensions between the Acacia Dragoons and warring factions (Marbule, Fargo, Porre, Guldove, etc) - and the things I don’t - the timey wimey alternate universe bodyswap with Lynx and Serge and Kid and Harle. And I think that gulf is kind of exacerbated by a lack of cohesion between the former (which is mainly set dressing) and the latter (which is the game’s main plot) and to top it off spread thin between 45 different playable characters. I really do think the game is a failure as a sequel to Chrono Trigger, which had a much more streamlined plot and a much more intimate cast of characters. But, uh, Chrono Trigger is overall too satisfying and complete to really make me want to write fanfic for its characters. And if you streamlined Chrono Cross in a similar way, well... you’d probably have to nix the Dragoons as playable characters, which doesn’t make me happy either, whoops. So, yeah, kinda wish the Acacia Dragoons had gotten their own game.

my OTP: Glenn/Karsh. I literally just looked at all the Dario-Karsh-Riddel drama and went, “You know what would make this worse? If Dario’s little brother was gay and wanted Karsh to love him instead.” And then I made it so, lol. I am admittedly unsure what the writers intended to communicate by having Glenn overhear Karsh muttering to himself about Dario-murder and then Glenn doing percisely NOTHING about it. But at least for me I like the idea that Glenn is acting out both a strong affection for Karsh and absolute passive aggressive rage - thinking Karsh deserves to stew and suffer in his own negative emotions after what he did. I think it also contributes to the feeling Glenn has where, like, everyone is expecting him to step up and be as heroic and great as Dario was, but he’s feeling like a real failure by comparison - emotional and hotheaded and childish and infatuated with the worst possible person, his brother’s own killer.

my cross over ship: I don’t have one :’)

a headcanon fact: I think Zippa telling Karsh, “Don't worry. Yir ‘illustration books’ are safely stored away,” in reference to her renting his room to Pierre is probably a pretty cut and dry joke about her stashing away her son’s porn mags. But I do like the idea that they are, in fact, sketchbooks, and he himself draws smutty nudes. I think he likes charcoal as an artistic medium <3

Thank you again! Really loved having the chance to write about my Chrono Cross faves. Actually, I miss writing about it. If you'd like (you don't have to) I'd appreciate if you threw me a couple of characters and a one or two word prompt for the fandom, gigas.

#karsh #chrono cross

[lovelylittlealice]

"Good Girl"

The fear of vulnerability is unmatched

A trust that could bend reality

At first able to keep my mind in tact

On my knees I feel stronger than an army of soldiers

As if the weight that I carry is no longer on my shoulders

Control is a priveledge and responsibility

I hadn't realized just how much the release of it filled me

The burning desire of passion ignited

Yet somehow the world around me remains undivided

How I long for his touch and embrace

So strongly at times, he need remind me of my place

So as long as it takes, and if that's years then I will wait

No matter how far in the world

Whether it's a country or a state

Counting down the moments until he utters the words "Good girl"

[this-should-do]

fat priveledge is almost being able to pass even tho u werent able to get proper top surgery but u Were able to get a reduction

#anyways felt really gender while looking at myself sidways in the mirror just now #now to look into the science of magically moving like half of my hip fat to the cavity that is my waist #then id look almost indistinguishable from ur regular old fat guy #fat trans man gang rise up #i still want proper too surgery but i have to wait until i can afford it cuz lord knows my parents arent gonna pay for dat #iwillspeakincessantly

[alienbeing]

...

ironic i only come back to tumblr to post to the void about #thetrauma but im having a shit time and being called birthday girl when im a 33 year old man is too fucking much. its too much. people dont know the priveledge of being able to escape and cut off the people in their lives that are harming them when they have it. If you can get away from these people just do it, dont wait, dont give them any chances just get away while you can. thats the only piece of advice i can give from my 33 miserable years of existence. Its unbelievable that ive been trying to escape my family since i was 5 yrs old and the painful truth that i had a better chance of running away from them then than i do as an adult. life is cruel yo.

um if anyone actually read this plz dont reblog im just venting as i dont have any other outlet. And dont worry i guess, i dont really have the energy for tumblr atm so im just not around here much anymore.

[starberry-skies]

for me i'm at the point where i want to be a guy, but i don't want to lose the priveledges i have as a girl. i want to be able to be pretty, to be trusted, to be complimented. from my viewpoint, cis men have the opportunity to break gender roles. but as a trans guy, me wearing a dress means i'm not "truly trans" or whatever. idk.

#big thoughts #chirping