#You're not just moving from one social media site to another

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

Twitter Tagging System =/= Tumblr Tagging System

I know a lot of people are moving to Tumblr from Twitter after all the chaos, so I’m writing this in hopes people will be able to interact with others better if they understand the tagging system for Tumblr as it is when I’m writing this.

Your biggest reminder for tags: This is a blogging website.

General tagging system and how people use it:

On Twitter people have always written #theirtaghere to tag their posts within the post itself. Tags on Twitter exist for people to find your post - in other words, directly for engagement of the content posted.

On Tumblr, tags (not written directly in the post itself) are used for two things primarily: Getting your post out to a wider audience outside of just your followers, and for blog organization as well as to be able to find posts on your blog later.

Twitter has never had an archive system where you can search a tag to find all your tagged posts later. Tumblr has this. In other words, for example, if you’re in a fandom, you may find posts where two or more characters are interacting. The post may be tagged with all of the characters involved in the post, but you may not like whatever opinions or comments are on the post. However, it’s not necessarily tagged specifically so people who are fans of what was tagged will see your hot takes. Chances are, it’s so they can access it at any time via their blog, as tags are searchable on our own accounts here.

What you can do to avoid your not necessarily positive fandom commentary (or hot takes you don’t want people seeing) from going into searchable tags is to avoid tagging the fandom or characters involved in the post that you don’t feel highly about, only tagging the one(s) you aren’t being negative about (ex. I love this character but I hate this character, so I’ll avoid tagging the character I hate so it won’t show up in people’s search results where they’ll be looking for nice, positive content or they probably wouldn’t be in that search).

This is NOT the same as tagging on Twitter (or writing out full search keywords on Twitter which also picks things up and puts them in searches where people will be looking for positive content of what they like). Tags on Tumblr only go into searchable tags if the post is a new post and not a reblog. If you do hate that one fandom or character, you can write the name out in full in your tags if it’s a reblog! Reblog tags are literally just there for archiving purposes. They won’t show up in searches.

Another way of being able to tell if someone is just tagging a new, non-reblog post for archiving: are they using the fandom/character’s full title/name? For example, are they using only a fandom abbreviation (ex. some people might tag Attack on Titan as AoT, The Umbrella Academy as TUA, or A Song of Ice and Fire as ASoIaF)? They may be trying to avoid putting something into the main tag but want it available to be found on their blog (this is not always the case, but you should always keep in mind that it might be before engaging with their post).

Same with characters name: for example, since this blog is fandom specific, I don’t need to use full names because I know who everyone is within this blog’s fandom, so I only use first names. That’s an example of tagging for archiving purposes - only tagging it so it can be found later and not necessarily for it to be found in searches. Unfortunately some characters do have very unique names that you won’t find in other/a lot of other fandoms, so they’ll show up in tags using only first names, but generally if you’re actively looking for post engagement, you’re going to be typing out the character’s full name if they have one.

Also, people tend to use tags to continue their thoughts if they’re offhand thoughts less related to the topic in the post (such as going off on a semi-unrelated tangent but it’s on their mind). You may see lengthy conversational tags! It’s just something people here do to add to their thoughts and express them without mixing those thoughts with the main post when they may not totally fit in with it.

On that note, you may also see people reply in the tags instead of directly on the post. Often this is a way of adding one’s thoughts to the post but not necessarily wanting it to circulate on the post. Your tags will stay only on your blog, so the next reblogger that finds the post through you won’t reblog it having your thoughts all over it (unless they really loved your tags, in which case they may reblog it with your tags, which is generally a compliment here). If you want your thoughts to be potentially reblogged you can of course reply on the post itself - just remember that those thoughts may be seen by a lot of people depending on the post going around. Some people also use tags as a way to compliment artists and writers. When people reblog art and writing, they probably don’t want some random person’s comments on the art or writing they’re enjoying (and will have to go to the OP’s version of the post from their blog to get the original without the comments on it). They probably want to just reblog the OP’s work. Your tags can be seen by the OP in their notes activity, so leave all your kind, warm, fuzzy compliments in the tags so they can read them! Sometimes they may even send you an ask or a message in response if they have something to say!

One last thing to note for general tagging: USE SPACES IN YOUR TAGS HOLY HELL YEEHAW MOTHERTRUCKER TRUCKING ON THE HIGHWAY. Do NOT write “AttackonTitan” or “ASongofIceandFire” as a tag, because Tumblr users don’t use the search function that way! You’re not going to get engagement if that’s what you're looking for! When you’re writing in that little #tags bar under your post, just write out the full series name/character name with spaces.

Avoiding negative interaction:

So say you want to avoid people finding your content altogether because people can be jerks and will send you hate. You can make your own tags for things. Tags you can consider trying out are things like “[user’s name here]’s rambles” or “[fandom name/character name negativity]”.

Now, if people look up “x fandom/character negativity” despite loving the thing in question and engage with posts in there, that’s their own fault and they deserve to be upset for looking into the tag in the first place. Maybe don’t look into a tag you know you won’t like the content of.

On that same train of thought, if you see a post with commentary about something you like but it’s negative and you hate it, make sure you check how it’s tagged before flying into a rage on the person. If you looked at the Attack on Titan tag and you found hate for Armin or something, but how dare they, you love Armin!... don’t reply to it with your bullshit. Don’t send them hate. Don’t even interact with the post. Scroll past it and move on. Why? Because you found that post in the general fandom tag, not the Armin Arlert tag.

Now, if you do find hate for Armin in the Armin Arlert tag, let me tell you, that’s super shitty of the person to tag his full name with their hate. If you’re tagging something that you’re hating on, you know people are going to find that post when they look through the tag. People look through tags to find content they enjoy, not to see someone bitching about what they love. Don’t be the annoying asshole who tags your hate with a character’s full name. Yes, even if it’s for archiving purposes for your own blog. Just use another tag, such as just his first name (as people will usually be searching for full names when looking for content they enjoy due to some names being very common throughout fandoms/series). If you prefer to use a totally custom tag, that works too!

HOWEVER! Dearies, if you see hate in a tag and you love the subject of the tag, please just block the person and move on. Don’t waste your time and energy sending them anything about it just to let them know you’re angry/upset. If you think it might have been an accident/unintentional because the person is not aware of how the Tumblr tagging systems works, feel free to drop them an ask or message (if messages for non-mutuals is allowed by them on their blog which can be found in your  blog’s settings), but BE POLITE about it. Just kindly inform them in case they’re unaware. If they reply to you being a fuckwad jerk about it, block them and move along. Again though, just do your best not to engage with tagged negativity (or negativity at all if you can help it).

Tumblr is a blogging site for long form content (the complete opposite of Twitter) and nowadays also artwork, so people are going to want to tag their posts to find them later! Just be mindful of how you tag things, and be mindful of how you interact with posts that you may not agree with.

#Tumblr Etiquette #And yes this post might unfortunately show up in the three fandoms I used as examples here simply because I wrote them out even though they #so I'm sorry to the three fandoms if you see this post show up in your fandom stuff. Tumblr tagging is a wild place too sometimes #Also if you're confused about anything bc it takes me a lot of words to explain myself... send an ask if you want clarification lol #Why am I writing all this? Because there are a LOT of Twitter users coming in who have never used Tumblr #and the sites are as different as day and night for their overall and general usage #You're not just moving from one social media site to another #You're moving to an entirely different platform with a whole different structure #with a whole lot of very different-minded people who aren't used to engaging with content the same way you've been

[heich0e]

Touya's not usually one to check his text messages.

Never has been, ever since he got his first cellphone when he was 13. He finds it more of a nuisance than anything, the way people always want to get ahold of him. Always expect a response from him over the most mundane shit. He barely likes talking to anyone as is, let alone during his private time—therefore, as a general rule, he doesn't respond to texts.

Especially not ones that pop up on his phone on a lazy Saturday afternoon with the contact name 'Bird Brain' listed as the sender.

But when these particular message previews appear, rudely interrupting him in the middle of watching a cake decorating video while he lays sprawled across the couch, Touya can't help but click through to the conversation to give them the response that they deserve.

His response is about as succinct and unamused as he is.

Three telltale dots appear at the bottom of the conversation before Touya can click away, and he finds himself waiting to see what Keigo comes back with—for reasons not even he quite understands.

Touya pushes himself up off the couch in an instant, stomping into your bedroom.

He finds himself hesitating once he makes it to the doorway, his body having moved relatively of its own accord, realizing only once he's standing at the threshold that he's not even really sure what he's going to say.

You're laying across the bottom of your bed on your tummy with your sock-clad feet lifted in the air behind you. You have one headphone in your ear and your laptop propped in front of you with that stupid romantic drama you like so much playing—the one Touya pretends he hates but always gets a little pouty when you watch an episode without him. You turn when you spot him in your peripheral vision, popping your headphone out of your ear and hitting the spacebar to pause your show.

"I'm almost done," you tell him, glancing back to your screen where the male lead is paused mid-confession—his mouth still open in the middle of his ardent monologue. You peer back at him again over your shoulder with a slightly smug look. "If you hadn't watched ahead without me we could be watching it together, y'know."

"That was an accident," Touya grumbles, sniffing a little indignantly. "It started playin' automatically when I turned the TV on."

"Sure, sure," you chirp, turning back to your laptop. When you realize Touya's still lingering there, you face him again, this time pushing yourself up on your elbow so you can twist around to look at him more fully. Your brow furrows. "What's wrong?"

Touya sucks in a breath of air and holds it in his cheeks, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"Can I see your phone for a sec?" he asks.

The pinch of your brow slackens as one of them lifts in surprise.

"Yeah," you say, though your tone is still a little wary. You nod towards your bedside table at the head of the bed. "It's plugged in."

Touya shuffles towards you, rounding the end of your bed frame and approaching the device in question. He sit down at the edge of the mattress, and it dips under his weight. Beside him, you shuffle a bit closer to him as you resume watching your show, one of your feet brushing gently against his back as you kick them idly back and forth.

Touya knows your passcode, just like you know his, so it's no effort to unlock the device once he has it in hand. Finding the app in question is another story entirely.

He turns to you.

"Which one of these is Instagram?" he asks, holding the device in front of your face with the home screen open.

You pause your show again.

"This one," you say, pointing to one particular app icon, but your voice is notably perplexed.

Touya's never had any interest in social media. He had a couple of accounts when he was a teenager but hasn't properly logged in for years. As new social networking sites have risen and fallen, he's never bothered to even sign up, seeing no need in signing away his personal data to a platform he'll never use anyway.

Touya taps his thumb against the icon that you pointed out, waiting for the application to launch. His leg jiggles impatiently while he waits for it to load.

Beside him, you don't unpause your show.

When the screen finally loads, Touya is immediately accosted by an unfamiliar interface. There's some photo of a girl he doesn't know taking up most of the screen, and a few bubbles in the upper right hand corner that he can only assume are notifications you haven't checked. Touya may not use social media, but he's not an idiot either, so after clicking around the screen for long enough he finally manages to pull up what he recognizes as your personal profile.

"Touya, what are you doing?" you ask, thoroughly bewildered now, having just watched your boyfriend visit just about every corner of the Instagram app.

He sucks in a sharp breath.

Slowly, he turns to look at you.

"Did you just post this?"

He doesn't really need to ask, considering the baggy t-shirt you're wearing in the photo—his t-shirt, he recognizes immediately—is the same one you currently have on as you lie stretched across your bed. It's all you have on, save for the frilly little socks on your feet and the edge of the panties he can see peeking out where your shirt's hem has ridden up.

The photo blessedly has left those out.

You clear your throat, almost like you're embarrassed, reaching out for your cellphone. "Yeah, a little while ago."

Touya holds the device out of your reach, and a little sound of indignation slips from your lips. He keeps scrolling.

Your profile is full of photos of you that are just as charming as the first one he'd seen. Some are of friends, or food, or places you've visited. Many are even of him, or the two of you together. The collection is like a series of little snapshots into your life—of all the moments you wanted to save or share. But every so often there will be a photo just of you.

You with your lips pursed coyly, or maybe quirked with the ghost of a smile. You wrapped in a skimpy little dress you bought for a special occasion that Touya is all too familiar with. You with your eyes bright, or maybe one where they're heavy lidded in a sultry expression that makes something possessive and primal scrape against Touya's ribs.

His face feels hot when he looks at those ones. Hotter still when he realizes other people have seen them too.

"I think you should delete your account," he says suddenly, turning to face you with a completely serious—and markedly insistent—expression.

"W-what? Touya!" You exclaim plaintively. You push yourself up onto your knees and scrabble for your phone. Touya doesn't fight back to any real degree. He lets you crawl into his lap and wrestle it out of his hands, though the two of you do go tumbling back across the bed in the process. Once you've safely tossed the phone down to the other end of the bed out of his reach, you turn back to him with an irritated pinch to your features.

Touya meets your gaze easily, like a man without guilt.

"What's gotten into you?" you ask him softly, still straddling his lap. Your hands rest over his sternum, fiddling idly with the strings of his hoodie.

Touya sighs, reaching up and tugging you down to his chest before snaking his arms around your waist to keep you pressed against him. You don't try and wiggle out of his grip like he thinks that you might, instead you let him hold you, nuzzling your face into the collar of his sweatshirt.

"You're being weird," you mumble.

"No, weird would be me asking you to throw your phone away and never leave the house again so I'm the only one who gets to look at you," Touya replies, his fingers dipping under the hem of your—his—shirt and creeping up along your spine. "I'm actually being pretty normal, all things considered."

You huff out a little laugh and Touya feels the warmth of it break against the skin of his throat. You lift your face so you can look at him, and Touya admires the view of you from so close up. The curve of your lips, the colour of your eyes, the tip of your nose. He could look at you all day, he realizes then. Every part of you. Every inch and dip and curve that makes you up. He could study them. Map them out with his eyes closed, long committed to memory.

You make him feel kind of insane, sometimes. More insane than usual, anyway. He worries that he likes you too much.

"What are you thinking about?" you ask him quietly.

You.

Touya purses his lips.

It wasn't his intended goal, but he's happy to accept the little kiss you press against them anyway, a laugh slipping out of his mouth and into yours before you pull away. He shuts his eyes, letting his head tip back against the bed again, letting out a long, exhausted breath.

"Wanna help me set up an instagram account?" he finally mutters after a long stretch of silence.

You push yourself up overtop of him, and when he cracks one eye open he finds you looking down at him excitedly.

"Really?" you ask him incredulously, but undeniably pleased by the prospect.

He nods a bit, pulling you back down against his chest. He lets his eyes shut once more.

If deleting your account is out of the question, he might as well have his own so at least he gets to admire it.

You wiggle comfortably in Touya's hold, your TV show long forgotten at the other end of the bed, content to just let your boyfriend trace lazy circles into your thigh as your legs tangle together with his.

Touya's eyes pop open again suddenly, an unpleasant and not-so distant memory rushing back to him.

Your gaze meets his own, a quiet concern swimming behind it.

He takes your face in his hand.

"How do you block someone on Instagram?"

#touya x reader #todoroki touya x reader #dabi x reader #touya todoroki x reader #bnha drabble #bnha writing #writing

[dazzlingjaeyun]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐢 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 - 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐣𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠

best friend!jay x fem!reader

genre: best friends to lovers, some angst / some fluff

warnings: cussing, slightly jealous!jay

word count: ~3,5k

a/n: ahh i really enjoyed writing this one!! but the ending feels a bit rushed so i apologize for that

↝ dazzlingjaeyun's bookshelf

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

you and jay had practically known each other since diapers, being best friends ever since you could remember. although over the years you had been through different friend groups, the two of you always stayed inseparable. in the end, it was always you. you and jay.

since you spent almost every day together, also now you were sitting on his bed across from him, your legs casually resting on top of his thighs while you had your laptop on your lap, typing away a report you had to finish. jay, on the other hand, was silently scrolling through every possible social media site to fight his boredom while waiting for you to be done. his other hand rested on your knee, softly tapping his index and middle fingers on your joggers alternately, as if tapping them along to a beat. being so used to his skinship, his soft touch didn't bother you.

after some more moments in silence with only the sounds of you tapping on your keyboard, you could hear jay sigh and saw him put down his phone from the corner of your eye. "how long are you going to work on this, it's been two hours", he whined.

you looked up from your laptop only to see your best friend pout at you, which made your lips curl up into a smile. "okay, big baby, i'm almost done and we'll watch your annoying movie after", you replied in a teasing tone. jay squinted his eyes, pretending to be annoyed, to which you chuckled before focusing back on your laptop screen.

"i think i should show her the movie too", jay interrupted again. "hm, who her?", you asked, rather inattentively.

jay clicked his tongue. "the girl i like, dumbass"

rolling your eyes, you finally looked up from your laptop again. the past weeks, he had not gone a day without mentioning 'the girl he likes' at least once. although you knew practically everything about him - and his plans with his crush - you still had no idea who she was nor what she looked like and whenever you asked, your friend would turn down your question, claiming you'd find out soon enough.

"yeah, you should watch this movie with her. i don't want to watch it for the 10th time", you replied sarcastically , earning another playfully annoyed look from jay.

"i'm serious, jay. stop saying what you want to do and then never make a move. she might not wait forever", you added, your voice more genuine than before. jay just bit down on his lower lip and nodded, looking to the side to avoid your eyes.

suddenly, you felt bad for what you had said. you didn't want to discourage him. it was quite the opposite; you wanted him to finally take his chance with whoever he had liked for a while now. you closed your laptop, not caring about the unfinished report at that very moment, grabbed a pillow from behind your back and threw it in jay's direction, careful to hit but not hurt him.

"you should really ask her to watch it with you, instead of me. she's not going to believe you're into her if you're stuck on my ass the entire time anyways", you said jokingly, trying to lighten up his mood again and in fact earning a soft giggle from him. he grabbed your laptop off your legs and instead pulled you towards him, your head hitting his chest softly.

"whatever you say", he said, grabbing the remote and turning on the tv while you got comfortable, resting your head on his chest and putting one arm around his torso. "now, it's movie time", he said, indicating you should stop speaking now, before starting the movie he had waited to watch with you and pulling your body just a tiny little bit closer to his. and words could not describe how comfortable you felt in that very moment. how completely comfortable and safe.

you didn't even notice that you had fallen asleep on jay's chest. it was not until he moved very slowly and carefully, trying the best he could to not wake you up. you slowly opened your sleepy eyes and lifted your head a little.

jay sighed at the realization. "i'm sorry... i was really trying to not wake you", he almost whispered, his voice soft and quiet. his words so carefully spoken, as if he could break you in half if he said them any louder.

only then you realized his fingers tangled in your hair - clearly the aftermath of having played with them while watching the movie.

"it's your fault i fell asleep in the first place. i always do when you play with my stupid hair", you managed to crack a joke, despite your tiredness.

jay scoffed jokingly. "stupid hair?", he asked as if you had insulted him. "you know they're soft and it's...", he stopped as if searching for the right word "...it's healing to play with them."

healing? the fact that he spoke of something as simple as playing with your hair as healing set something off. a weird, unfamiliar feeling in your stomach - one that you couldn't really classify.

"mh..." that was all you could reply, feeling overwhelmed and confused at the sudden change of feelings you experienced.

"you know... you'd make a good boyfriend. i'm sure the girl you like would enjoy having you caress her hair until she falls asleep", you just blurted out, mind still foggy by the state you were in.

you could feel jay's chest stop moving for a split second, indicating that he was holding his breath, before you heard him gulp.

"hm, probably"

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

"i'm so going to win this time", you said, self-confident, as you started the last and final round of the race, eyes fixated on the screen and hands wrapped tightly around the controller.

you were so caught up in the game that you got startled by the loud ringtone covering the sounds of the game. you tried to catch a glimpse of your phone to see who was calling, going back and forth from your phone to the tv screen - the inattentiveness causing your game character to hit an obstacle, much to the joy of your competitor. as you lost the game, you just dropped the controller in your lap and instead grabbed your phone to finally answer the video call.

"you better have a good reason to call me now, jay! i lost mario kart because of you!", you snapped, before your best friend could even greet you.

mario kart? he thought. that was your tradition. yours and jay's. playing mario kart on a friday evening. but he was clearly not with you right now. and for some reason, it bugged him. a lot. why would you carry on your tradition with someone else? but did he even have the right to claim a shared activity as solely yours and his? did he have the right to get hurt or even angry? he wasn't sure, so he tried to shrug it off.

he forced himself to let out a faked laugh. "who did you lose to?", he asked, trying to make it seem as if it wasn't a big deal for him. trying to not seem too curious about who you had replaced him with.

you moved your phone to the side, revealing your competitor, before moving it back for the camera to capture you only.

"huh? jake?", jay asked, visibly confused.

"i'll get some water and let the two of you talk", the boy in question chimed in as he stood up from the bed, giving you a short smile.

you looked up at him a little too long for jay's liking, before moving your eyes back to the phone screen. "so, why were you calling anyways?", you asked as jake walked out of your room.

"him, seriously? are you stupid or do you simply not care that he only wants to-"

"jay. i asked a question", you cut him off rather sternly.

he let out a long sigh at the tone of your voice, at the way your words left no room for further discussion. and if he thought about it, he also didn't have the right to tell you who to hang out with, after all.

"did you hear about this new café opening next week?", he finally carried on with the original reason why he called you. you nodded in response, so jay continued "they'll have like a small opening event, i wanted to ask you if you want to go with me?"

"um... well, jake asked me already", you replied, your voice now calmer and quieter, feeling almost guilty for turning jay down.

"what did you say?", he asked hurriedly, as if in a rush to find out about your answer. you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. "i said yes. i thought-... you can ask the girl you like?"

"oh... um...", he started stuttering, bringing his hand up to scratch the back of his head awkwardly, "i did but she already had plans that day"

you just nodded. another unfamiliar feeling bubbling up in your stomach. the fact that he had already asked her before even considering you was somehow... irritating? he had asked her. not you. you were the second choice, after the first was not available. and suddenly, it crashed down on you. worries, fear. suddenly, you felt this irrational, immense fear of losing your best friend. of watching him just slip through your fingers, taking your years of friendship along with him.

"you okay? you're zoning out again", jay pulled you out of the spiral of thoughts. when your eyes focused back on him, you could make out the worried expression on his face.

without thinking about it, you just started babbling out your thoughts. "i'm scared that this will ruin our friendship, jay". his eyes widened and he opened his mouth to object, but again was interrupted by you. "sorry, i-"

you didn't get to finish as this time you were interrupted by the door opening again and jake stepping back into your room, a glass of water in each hand.

"you know what, jay... we'll talk about that another time, yeah? i'll see you, good night", you hurriedly hung up before he could even reply, leaving him on the other end of the line staring at his phone in surprise for a few seconds.

i'm scared that this will ruin our friendship, your words echoed in his head. oh, me too, he thought.

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

the day of the event came and you were just finishing to touch up your make up when you heard your door bell ring; the signal that jake was there and ready to pick you up.

the two of you drove to the café in his car in a comfortable silence, jake's voice softly humming along to the songs on the radio barely audible to you.

even after you had spent an hour or two at the café, trying not only the beverages but also some treats, the two of you still hadn't run out of topics to talk and laugh about.

you were so caught up in the conversation with jake that it took you some minutes to make out the tall figure standing in front of the table you two shared. only when you looked up finally, you saw your best friend standing there, practically piercing holes through your body with his eyes.

thanks to the video call a couple of days before, jay knew exactly where you'd be on that day. and with who. and for some reason, he felt the strong urge to check on you. an urge he couldn't fight, so he gave in and made his way to the same place. he just had to make sure you were okay after all, right? that's what a best friend would do if their best friend went out with a guy that seemed fishy. right?

but seeing the two of you just chatting with each other, laughing with each other, sitting a little too close to each other... he didn't know if he should feel relieved that your suspicious date was much less of a threat than he had thought. or if he in fact should feel even more threatened. because what if you'd end up liking the guy with the golden retriever-like eyes more than your best friend?

it was your scent tickling his nose that brought him back to reality. only then he realized the hug you had pulled him in, immediately reciprocating the gesture and wrapping his arms around your waist. just a little tighter than he would usually do.

jake, still sitting on the sofa, watched the scene in front of him, biting the inside of his cheek while jay's head was almost buried in the crook of your neck, taking in as much of your scent as possible.

finally, you let go of the way longer than normal hug, a slight shade of pink covering your cheeks. you quickly sat back down again, taking your iced coffee and gulping it down as if it could cool your face and stop the heat from rushing to your cheeks. why were you blushing anyway?

"hi jake", jay finally spoke up, looking down to said boy, who just nodded his head in return. "mind if i join you guys?"

"actually, yeah. i mind.", jake opposed.

jay was quick to reply, before you could even open your mouth "well good thing i only care about my best friend's opinion", emphasizing the possesive pronoun as if you were solely his property, not dared to even be looked at by anyone else.

"geez, fine. i was gonna head home anyways", jake said while standing up, "have a good time together then". and before you could hold him back, hell, before you could even say something, jake was already out the door.

your eyes followed him until he was out of sight and then went back to look at jay. although he hadn't intended for this to happen, he couldn't say he wasn't satisfied with the outcome nonetheless. until...

"what the fuck, jay?!"

if you weren't in public, you would have probably screamed at him. jay's eyes widened at your reaction. in all the years you had known each other, you had barely ever raised your voice at him in a serious manner. but he could tell that you were very serious right now.

"i'm... i'm sorry, i didn't mean to- he's just not good for you and-", he started stuttering out, before you cut him off.

"did you see him acting anyhow weird towards me? no. cause the only one who's acting weird is you, jay!"

he gulped. "but i'm your-"

"my what?", you interrupted again. "my best friend? right. not my parents, not my boyfriend. you're no one to tell me who to go out with!", you snapped.

"just because you don't have the balls to ask the stupid 'girl you like' out, you have to ruin my day as well?" you finally stood up and grabbed your bag. "for fucks sake, jay, get yourself together." you gave him one last glare, before storming off the café as well, making sure to hit his upper arm with your shoulder as you passed him. leaving him with a shocked face and a mind filled with so many thoughts, yet so empty, not able to say a word.

.｡*ﾟ+.*.｡

days passed and you did not speak to neither jake nor jay. whereas the latter had tried to contact you several times, jake had not reached out to you as much. you weren't happy about that but you weren't exactly hurt or upset either.

when it came to jay, a part of you was still mad at him, while another part of you wasn't. one minute you'd want to talk to him, and the next you'd damn yourself for that thought. safe to say your feelings and thoughts were just a rollercoaster at this point, and you were nowhere near sorting them out. the only constant: confusion.

the sudden ring of your door bell pulled you out of another never ending thought process. you stood up from your bed and made your way to the door, opening it without peeking through the small hole before. instant regret hit you as you saw who was standing right in front of you.

"jay?"

"hey... can i come in?"

hesitantly, you stepped aside, not able to reject your best friend, no matter how much you wanted to tell him to go home. after all, you had your reasons for not picking up the phone, not answering the texts. you didn't want to talk to him. not as long as you had no idea about what to think - what to feel.

jay entered, a big bag on his back, and just naturally walked past you and to the living room as if you had invited him to do so. you followed him with quick steps.

"i never said to go-"

you gave up as you saw him getting comfortable on the sofa already. he opened his bag, pulled out his guitar and finally looked at you. then he patted on the sofa, signaling you to sit down next to him.

"i want to show you something"

you were, yet again, confused, but curiosity got the best of you and you decided to take a seat next to him.

"i wrote this myself", he explained further and although you were expecting exactly what he'd say next, it still felt like a punch in the gut. "um... for the girl i like"

without thinking about it, you stood up again, ready to tell him to just leave, when he grabbed your hand and pulled you down again.

"i just want to hear your opinion on it", jay said in a soft voice.

"fine."

and so he began letting his fingers slide over the strings elegantly, playing the chords so perfectly, while making everything look so effortless at the same time. his voice was soft, yet carried so much power. and in an instant, nothing else mattered. not what happened at the café, not his bold act of just walking in now, not your anger.

just jay's voice and the sounds of his guitar. so heavenly. and so not for you.

suddenly, your confusion sweeped away and tears started filling your eyes when the realization hit you. and it hit hard.

the realization of why everything about his not so little crush on this girl had bothered you so much. the realization of what you had actually felt when you had woken up on his chest with his hand in your hair a couple of weeks ago. and that you were not only scared of the friendship changing when he asked her out first. even the realization of why you were blushing after he had hugged you tightly in the café.

but mostly, the realization that you wanted nothing more than to be her.

jay's voice fell silent abruptly. he almost tossed away the guitar and instead brought both of his hands to your cheeks, cupping your face. his thumbs gently stroked your cheeks, sending goosebumps down your spine and although your vision was blurry, you could see his worried eyes fixated on yours.

"why are you crying?" jay asked carefully, as if he barely dared to break the silence.

you tried shaking your head but jay's hands on both sides of your face held you more tightly, almost like he was scared of losing you forever if he let go now.

"i'm sure she'll like it", you whispered, worried that if you spoke up, your voice would break.

jay inhaled deeply, his breath audibly shaking. "does she?"

you furrowed your eyebrows. "how would i-"

"do you?"

pang. your heart dropped to your knees. your stomach sank. your mind started racing and your heartbeat doubled its speed likewise.

pang. the next realization.

he had shown you the movie he wanted to show her.

he had asked you to join him to the event, but you had plans already.

he had shown you the song he wrote for the girl he likes.

for you.

all of those moments were about you, all along.

suddenly, the reason why he had never shown you a picture of her seemed so obvious.

the facts that he had never made a move and that he had reacted this way towards jake suddenly had reasons; fear of ruining the friendship and straight up jealousy.

as if to confirm your mind that was running laps around everything that had happened between you and your best friend the past weeks, you heard jay's soft words "it's you. it's always been you."

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

thank you so much for reading up until here. it means the entire world to me and i hope you guys enjoyed it. please do not copy. ❤︎︎

feel free to leave any feedback & interact!

- dazzlingjaeyun

#enhypen #enhypen au #park jongseong #enhypen jay #jay au #jay x reader #enhypen x reader #enha x reader

[armpirate]

Twisted || San

pairing: Stalker!Choi San x fem!reader

w.c.: 8.1k

Warnings: [Violence] Graphic Violence, mention of wounds and torture. [Sexual] Smut, dom!San, voyeourism, cum play, unprotected sex, name calling, oral sex (female receiving), rough sex, spanking, choking. If you're a minor, refrain from reading it. Also, if you don't like this content, just keep scrolling.

Summary: You had been getting calls and texts from a mystery number for a few months now, you even went to the lengths of installing a security alarm because you didn't feel safe anymore. If only you knew what you thought was danger was closer than you thought...

Aprox. time of reading: 36 minutes

After you stepped in your place, you started to analyze everything that met your eyes, trying to remember if it was in that exact place before you left. Small details like: was the empty vase settled perfectly in the middle of the top shelf over your TV, or was it a bit to the right? Did you set your shoes straight at the left of the door, or you left in such a hurry that you didn't bother? Maybe you were just being a little too paranoid.

Closing the door behind you, you made sure to lock it, turning the key twice, hearing the two clicks, before you took them out and also closed all the extra locks you had added for your own security. Finishing that routine with your hand pulling the knob, just to make sure the door was indeed closed.

It wasn't like something happened, but ever since you started receiving anonymous texts, you prioritized your safety more than anything else. At first, they were dumb messages you could ignore, things that any bored person would've sent to mess with the first person they came across to on social media -especially when you had all your professional sites linked to your Instagram. But those texts weren't prank calls or horny texts, that you could easily ignore and move on. No. There was something dark in them, something so personal and intimate, despite not displaying anything, that gave you goosebumps every time you dared to read them. And it only got worse when pictures were sometimes linked to them. Photos of you taken from afar, keeping a safe distance so you wouldn't be able to notice them as you did your day to day chores -something as simple as going grocery shopping, going to work or even meeting up with your family.

That person knew everything about you. Where you lived, what were your favorite places, when he'd be able to find you there... So easy to hunt.

It wasn't surprising you decided to reach out to the police, but also to one of the classmates you had in college, and that you saw every once in a long while whenever a small crew from your past colleagues decided to do a gathering to meet up and catch up with one another's lives.

You saw it clearly when one of your friends mentioned his father owned a security company and also added how San was quite good with technology, after you mentioned how there had been many robberies in your area so no one would be scandalized for what was happening to you.

Although San didn't ask a single question about it. He just installed the camera -that glared at the door, but still caught half of your couch- and the sensors in your living room, finishing his work by installing an app on your laptop and your phone, so you would have control of the security system from those devices. You weren't really surprised by his silence, because back in uni he didn't speak much either -that was why it didn't make much sense to you as to how he ended up in that group of friends either. Not like it was that important.

He was so intriguing, yet so expendable at the same time. The type of man that only got your interest while he was in front of you, because as soon as he stepped away, you completely forgot of his existence. It definitely wasn't because of his looks, at all. He was attractive. Sharp features that looked so intimidating, but also appealing at the same time. His foxy brown eyes radiated something you weren't able to tell, maybe because he never kept his eyes on you properly whenever he was in your presence. Under his clothes, you could tell he probably had a thin body -maybe more toned than what you were imagining, but that was the most your imagination could reach when it came to him. He was also tall, but not excessively, just enough to have you slightly curving your neck to look up to him when he was a bit too close.

San would be your ideal man if he only spoke more than two words in a row.

After having dinner, and making sure you've picked up everything you left around your house when you left in a hurry that morning, you decided to head to your room.

You just turned on your laptop to have some background sound while you put your clothes back in the closet, playing the first video that appeared on your recommended list on Youtube.

The sound of the notification got your heart beating fast, assuming it was one creepy picture again, but your body relaxed when you saw Chris' name on your screen, along with a suggestive pic. You smirked, placing your forearm over your chest, hiding just enough to be as suggestive as him before you snapped a picture. And while you giggled and found some joy in it, there was someone else who didn't like a single bit of what he was seeing.

San saw your half naked figure in one of the monitors, in the darkness of his room, clicking his tongue and twisting his jaw when he saw the kind of pic and text you exchanged with that guy on the other monitor. With you, it was impossible for him to know what mood he'd be in for the night. He had seen you in several different states and situations, and he swore he got more attached to you the more he observed. Except this. This was one of the things that made him want to block your phone out of nowhere, staring at your confusion and rejoicing after interrupting that short sexting time.

But he didn't. He controlled himself and just allowed you to go on, witnessing every dirty word and naughty promise you were dedicating to someone that wasn't him -but that one day it would, and he'd made sure of it.

You slipped the last piece of clothing down your legs before you kneeled in the middle of the bed, still with your phone in your hands -and judging by the intensity of the conversation, he knew what was coming next. Dragging one of the pillows where you were, straddling it, you got everything ready.

San looked at you intensely when you started grinding your hips against the fabric of your pillow, studying every move, admiring the shadows the lights from the streets created on your body, and how he was able to see how perfectly stiff your nipples were despite the distance. You placed it all facing your computer, almost as if you wanted to pull that show for him.

Chris: Are you fucking yourself with your fingers thinking it's my cock?

You: Yeah

San silently scoffed at your reply, seeing how desperately you moved your hips against the pillow.

"Liar, liar, liar" he sang, shaking his head slowly.

It didn't matter though, because you lied to another guy. He knew you wouldn't ever be able to lie to him. You would never do something like that.

Your head fell back, moving faster before you dropped your phone over the mattress. And San cheered at seeing that monitor going black in the middle of the conversation. Seeing you like that was a spectacle he loved seeing, but all those texts with someone else made it less attractive. He loved seeing you in that state, so lost in your own pleasure that you weren't aware how hard your fingers were gripping on the fabric of the covers and how your lips were perfectly parted. He had lost count of the many times he had jerked himself off to that same image, studying your orgasms throughout those weeks to be able to tell when you were close so he would finish at the same time. You always dropped a high pitched scream leave, before your lips puckered and your eyes shut tight as you orgasmed, slowly stopping your moves. San definitely enjoyed it more when you just randomly touched yourself because you watched some good porn that made it difficult to control yourself. Wet pussy in full display in front of the monitor as you slid two fingers in, or just rubbed your clit, while lazily looking down at the scenes on the screen. It felt different to what you were doing that day. He wasn't even able to enjoy it properly...

San sat on his chair, full attention on the monitors as soon as he got a notification of your alarm being disconnected. You entered abruptly in your place, hands grasping on the new guy's clothes as if you were looking to rip them off. Soon you two were completely naked, and you were straddling his lap on your couch, letting your bodies clap against one another with every move of your hips.

He just looked at you two, expressionless while he fought his need to stop what he was seeing. His phone was so close to his hand, he only had to send one of the several pics he had saved of you to know you'd stop it all.

The hard slap on your ass, followed by a groan from you, was the last straw for him. He twisted his lips, finally reaching for his phone.

It seemed like he wasn't doing his job properly if you were going to allow just anyone to step in your place. He couldn't let you be so reckless and get away with it, you just needed to be reminded of your daily risks again.

You were immersed on how you were feeling, moving your hips automatically to reach that high that was so close from you. Still humping on Chris' dick, you reached to your phone, stretching your arm behind you while he held you tight so you wouldn't lose balance. Although he didn't need to hold you for much longer, because your whole body froze over him when you looked at the screen.

Unknown: So you need more than just pics now?

That text was followed by one of the pics you sent Chris the other day, and you weren't sure how else you were supposed to react, but you rushed to stand up and cover yourself with your oversized flannel, while the brunet man just looked at you confused.

"I need you to leave" you crossed your arms over your chest.

"Leave? Now?" he smirked, thinking you were joking "I just got here".

"I don't give a fuck" you threw his clothes at him. "You think this is a game? Fine, game over. I'm done".

"What are you talking about?".

"What am I talking about? You've been sharing the pics I've sent you around" you commented, showing him the new text. "Tell your friends that it's not funny at all. You're a bunch of dickheads".

You knew Chris, you knew his circle as well, and you saw them completely capable of pulling an anonymous joke on you just for their laughs. But the fact that they did it in a time where you were so sensitive to everything got you even angrier than you'd have been before.

"You're crazy, you know that?" Chris replied, putting his clothes on. "You would've been a good fuck, but it's definitely not worth it" he stared at you. "'I'm not ready' 'I can't meet today'" he mimicked your voice. "Always leaving me with blue balls only to end up kicking me out over that bullshit. Fuck off, Y/n".

San smiled throughout the whole argument, completely ignoring the fact that you didn't even think of him when you saw the picture back in your phone. He could omit that, knowing that Chris was going to leave your apartment in the next three minutes. But his smile slowly dropped when he started speaking, mocking you and dragging you for just making him wait until you were ready. Who did he think he was to speak at you that way?

Somebody needed to be humbled.

He made sure to come back to you later that night, hands still tinted in a soft red by the blood he wasn't able to take away on the first cleanse, while his fingers traced your cheek as if it was the most delicate thing he had ever touched. Suddenly mesmerized by how peaceful you were in your sleep.

Your hair was spread over the white pillow, and your right arm stretched to the empty space next to you, making sure your body would take most part of it. And seeing you like that, he assured again he would never allow anyone else to treat you the way Chris did a few hours before. He broke his hands for ever thinking he was enough to touch you, and did the same with his jaw for even thinking the words he aimed at you.

You would always be safe.

It had been a few days since you last heard of Chris. And just like him, the anonymous text and weird calls also disappeared. You were quite used to relating everything to coincidences, but that one just seemed a bit too suspicious to ignore it.

It didn't matter though. You were finally able to breathe.

Moving around your apartment, you stopped when you were finally done cleaning the house. The fresh scent made you excitedly jump in your place, happy to be able to enjoy that delicate smell before it disappeared with your nose getting used to it.

San unconsciously smiled when he witnessed the way you moved in the same place, letting the elastic of your shorts raise accidentally from your hips to your waist with every small jump.

He thought he was going to be enjoying another show from you, taking your clothes off in the middle of the living room while you made your way to the bathroom. But all his hopes were interrupted by the sound of your phone.

Grace.

Reading that name instantly made him roll his eyes. She was a pain in the ass whenever they hung out, always trying to keep you away from him, moving around you like a satellite to make sure he wouldn't get close enough to start a conversation.

And if only she was interesting enough to keep a conversation through the phone... But no, she was as obnoxious and priggish, even when he wasn't seeing her face. The tone of her voice allowed him to picture perfectly the shape of her face moving with her words, and that was the only time he allowed himself to disconnect from you. At least until his name casually dropped in the conversation.

"San? What about him?" you asked, supporting yourself on the back of the couch.

You didn't know why she was suddenly sneaking his name in the conversation, when you two were talking about how Chris suddenly disappeared after being a complete asshole to you.

"I think he has a crush on you" she giggled.

Frowning, unable to tell whether she was right or not, you tried to know why she thought that "You think so?".

You were aware of some of the glances he aimed at you while you weren't looking, whenever you two hung out with the group. But you never thought too deep about it.

"No" Grace cackled, making San move uncomfortably on his seat. "He's so weird it's hard to tell what goes through his head. I bet he has never gotten his dick wet".

"You say that because he has never tried to fuck you like Sam and Will" you rolled your eyes. "I just think we might not be his type, and that's okay. He's fine though, whoever ends up with him will land in heaven".

"Really?"

San's jaw clenched with every new comment Grace made. It was as if she couldn't deal with the fact that you were praising him.

"Really" you nodded.

There was a silence between you that made him uncomfortable, as if the next thing that would be said was meant to change his plans completely.

And he wasn't wrong.

"I've been good, maybe I need a bit of heaven"

"My god... what do you mean?"

"I think I like him".

"You make no sense" you scoffed, although he wasn't able to tell if it was due to tiredness or you were suddenly upset about something. "You like him but you were throwing dirt on him?"

"You said he was fine. Of course I needed to throw dirt on him".

"Because I have eyes" you placed your hand on your hip. "You were the one who asked".

"Also, you should've heard yourself when I said he has a crush on you. Do you still have a crush on him?".

San suddenly looked confused at the monitor, trying to read your exhausted expression before you turned, back facing the camera.

"That was years ago" you assured her. "You know what would've happened at the Christmas party. Like I said, we're not his type. So it was for the better that he didn't show up".

Were you talking about the Christmas party a few people in your class organized to get to know each other? If he had known you were feeling that way about him, he'd have attended no matter what.

His brain was working the fastest it had ever worked, trying to wrap himself around the idea that you would be his in that exact moment if he had gone to the party. And it only got worse when he remembered the reason he didn't go: Grace. She told him you weren't feeling comfortable around him, and that was also why he tried to get closer to your group of friends the next months -although he couldn't stand a single one of them. He tried to be more approachable for you, only to be part of a shitty group of friends and have you more distant and disinterested in him than before.

If he ever thought he hated the several guys you introduced to them in those three years, he was proved what real hate was in that moment. Rage took control of his body, finding himself picking up the keyboard just to crash it against the desk, not caring in the slightest for the several keys flying around with every hit he made.

If she wanted to mess with him, it was fine. He'd mess with her, too.

You looked for Grace all night. Going from one group of people to another, trying to get to know where the hell she was. It wasn't the first time she left you hanging and made you handle all by yourself everything that was related to your birthday party.

You never expected much from her in general, but missing your birthday party? That was a new low for her, especially when she encouraged you to drop a party that you didn't even want in the first place.

Hopeful that the message you received was from her, when you felt your phone buzzing in your hand, you unlocked the screen. Only to feel your heart squeeze in your chest when you realized it wasn't Grace, and it wasn't a message supposed to make you happy either.

Unknown: I'm getting closer to you. No one will tear us apart

The promise in those words got your hairs raising, your whole body was only able to pay attention to that text while you ignored everything that was going on around you. Your friends slowly disappeared, the music started to vanish until it turned to sounds with no rhythm.

A hand on your shoulder brought you back to reality, making your body squirm slightly as you turned ready to fight. Both of his eyebrows raised with concern, trying to calm you down at the same time he took a step back.

"I didn't mean to scare you" he assured you, while one of his gentle hands stroke your upper arm.

"Don't worry" you shook your head. "I don't really know why I reacted that way" you shyly mentioned, scratching your temple.

"I mean, I know I'm not the hottest, but to the point of scaring you..." he teased you, suddenly grinning. Calm at seeing you sigh and light a smile, he spoke again "Happy birthday, Y/n".

Something in his attitude shifted. You weren't complaining at all, but it wasn't the way San usually acted around you. He tended to be more serious, and distant. And today he was close and cheerful, you'd dare to say he even seemed flirty.

"Did you come alone?"

"Yeah" he nodded, both hands peeking inside the pockets of his dark jeans. "Who would I come with?".

"I don't know. A girlfriend?" you joked. And you regretted your own words, because why the thought of him having someone else was making your stomach twist that way "Or maybe a colleague. I didn't say you couldn't bring any people".

"I think it'll be enough with you" he playfully mentioned.

You looked down while smiling, trying to hide how hard your cheeks were burning for his words.

"Want to get some fresh air?" he invited you, bending over you a bit so he'd be able to whisper in your cheek "I got you a present".

San was the first one in that party that thought about getting you something for your day. At that point, he could've bought you a pair of socks, and you'd be treasuring that detail for the rest of your life.

You both made your way out of the club, only hearing the drowned music behind you whenever the big door closed behind the people that either came in or out. He handed you the shiny box that he had left at the wardrobe, waiting for your reaction while you broke the wrapping paper. "You really didn't have to".

Instead of answering, San just shook his head, waiting for your face when you finally opened the white box and saw what was inside of it.

It was a vintage well-crafted music box. The same one you had been looking for for years. You touched every small pearl, every golden detail, amused with the idea of finally having it in your hands. He could've bought the basic version, that only had a sun at the top, but instead he made his way to the upgraded one -the same one you gave up on because of how expensive it was.

Biting your lip, you moved the key in circles, until you reached the top and just let it turn by itself, hearing the automated and slow sound that came from it.

"How did you know?"

"I heard you mentioning it one of the times we hung out with the group" he answered ", and also when I installed the security system".

Clearly, he lied. He couldn't tell you he saw what you were looking at on your phone on one monitor, while he spied on you with the other.

"I wasn't sure if you'd like this one..." he lied, trying to make it less weird.

"You kidding? It's the one I've been saving up money for" you closed the box. "Thank you so much".

You two weren't close. You were a touchy person, in general, but never with San. But that day your arms wrapped around his neck instinctively, while you stood in your tiptoes, trying to feel him as close as possible. Unlike what you expected, San wrapped his arms around your waist, bringing you closer, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. It was a simple touch, but your whole body reacted when you felt his lips on your shoulder.

You didn't let him move away from you, your lips met his before he was able to stand properly. A soft and chaste kiss, a simple rub of your mouth that got San floating, just to fall back to the ground when you moved back.

"I'm sorry" you quickly apologized, moving away. "I didn't know... It was a mistake".

"Really?" he tilted his head, while his eyes looked harshly at you.

"I can't do this"

"Why?"

"I can't do this to Grace" you whispered, remembering how she confessed her feelings to him not even a few days ago.

"And who gives a fuck about her?"

Those were his last words before he pulled you back into a kiss, hands gripping your neck to make sure you wouldn't move away again. Guilt only stayed with you for a few seconds, the time it took him to suck on your lower lip with such delicacy and slowness that made your knees go weak.

His lips were demanding, yet soft and careful, on yours. You were so receptive to what he was giving you, that he thought he was dreaming. Finally having his hands on you, while his tongue dug in your mouth, trying to discover every corner in it. Your back arched instantly when he set your neck free, hands moving down your torso, until he was cupping your ribs, thumbs ghosting the edge of your breasts.

"You taste so fucking good" he groaned against your lips. "So so fucking good, Y/n".

He meant every single word, finally living what he had been fantasizing about for years. And you topped his expectations, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and playing with his hair while he moved down to your jaw and finally sank his mouth on your neck.

"San" you sighed, head automatically moving to the side so he'd have better access to that spot. "We can't..." you found yourself battling with your own voice to get the words out properly "Not here".

At that point, he didn't care where to do it, or how many people were watching. He just wanted to be buried deep in you, and mark you as his like he had been dreaming of for so long.

"Let's go to your place"

San sucked on your neck slower when he heard your idea. His house was the last place he wanted you to be at that moment, not when there were so many things he needed to keep from you.

"I think it'd be better to go to your house instead" he tried to make you change your mind.

"It's a mess. I doubt we'll be able to find the bed there"

He knew, he saw the way you dropped your clothes all over the place every time you change clothes because the outfits weren't convincing enough, and he saw how you gave one last regretful look before you closed the door behind you.

"I can fuck you somewhere else" he joked.

"Let's just go to your place" you grabbed his wrist. "I've never been there, and I'm curious".

If there was a way to really know someone, it was getting inside their home and being able to see every small detail that could give away their personality and habits. You had been in most of your friends' houses, but despite knowing San for three years, you had never been in his.

When you bit his lip and pulled it in between your teeth while looking him in the eye, he wondered how he was supposed to resist what you wanted. There was no way he would ever be able to say no to you.

He only had to keep you away from one room. That was it.

You were aware of how tense he suddenly was on your way there, his hands were rigid on his lap while he kept his eyes away from you. It was as if he was back at his usual self, completely forgetting the man he pretended to be back in the party.

"If you're really uncomfortable about it, we can go to your place another day. I didn't mean to pressure you".

San landed his eyes on you. You were definitely the sweetest person he had ever met, a living ray of sunshine wherever you went. Maybe that was what drew him to you the first time he saw you with that big smile in class.

"I don't usually take girls home"

You knew he wasn't sharing his apartment with more people, he lived completely by himself. So your heart softened at the idea that, maybe, he wasn't really the type to do one night stands.

"I promise I'll make it worth it" you whispered against his lips.

"You already are" he assured you.

He kissed you again, pinching your chin to keep your face up in his direction, while his other hand moved over your thigh, hiding in the back of your knee. You thought you'd be having a hot make out session in the back of the back, but he broke the kiss when you were about to slide your tongue in your mouth.

"I can't get enough of you, angel"

One of the reasons that kept him from moving closer to you was how afraid he was of going so deep he wouldn't be able to escape. If he ever got the taste of you, he wouldn't ever want to give up on you. But he was already trapped. The first year, he tried to focus on other girls, but you were the only one that kept showing up in his head every time he tried to. And by the second year, he was too far gone. He needed to know absolutely everything about you, it wasn't enough with the superficial talk you had whenever you met up by chance. And you served yourself in a silver plate when you gave him access to your house and all your devices. It was as if you wanted him to know everything about you.

San was sweet and gentle with you the second you two stepped in his apartment. He went slow and easy on you, treating you like you were the most delicate thing he had ever crossed ways with.

His tongue traced every curve of your body, as if he wanted to keep them with him forever. He hugged you tight, and hid his face in the curve of your neck every time he pounded into you, feeling in heaven with every squeeze of your walls. He then knew you were definitely made for him. You woke up in the middle of the night, turning to San to find him peacefully sleeping while his hand held your neck with care. You were convinced you were over him, but your old self was jumping excited in your head, still not able to process you finally got to sleep with the man you fantasized about.

Maybe you should've stayed in bed and got back to sleep, but you suddenly felt uneasy and uncomfortable, forced to get up. You moved slowly, trying not to wake San up before you made your way outside to look for the bathroom.

Unlike in your place, there wasn't a bathroom inside his bedroom, so you had to look into the first door you saw as soon as you walked outside in the dark. You wanted to step back and move to the only door left, but something about that room dragged you in.

The small light from the computer tower lit the room vaguely, only allowing you to see some squared shapes.

Maybe you should've just ignored it, and closed the door behind you while you looked for the bathroom, but the fact that you barely knew anything about San -and the thought of that possibly allowing you to know more- encouraged you to step in.

You were expecting some nerdy things. Maybe that was the "dude room" where he kept his funkos, his anime dolls and the eight seasons of Game of Thrones on DVD. But you felt your blood stop running through your veins when you switched the lights on. In front of you, there was a wall filled with pics of you, you could even recognize some of those pictures because he had sent them to you to scare you. Some of those pics were the cause you installed the security alarm in your house.

Walking towards the computer, you were scared of what you'd find there. You lost balance for a hot second, feeling your body falling backwards when you saw your empty living room in one of the screens, while the other two were completely black.

"I didn't know you were this nosy, angel"

His deep voice filled the silence in the room, falling heavy on your back before you found the courage to turn around and face him. That soft and gentle gaze was gone, and was replaced by an icy look you had never seen before on anyone.

"What's all this?"

"Do you really need me to explain it to you?" his right eyebrow raised, looking down at you ironically. "I think it's quite obvious".

"All this time... It was you?" you could've run, but your back was glued to the desk.

"All this time" he nodded, taking one final step in your direction. "But you're finally where you belong".

He tried to reach your cheek with the reverse of his fingers, but you moved away, avoiding his touch while your eyes were still on his. San's smile widened after your reaction.

"That's how you knew about the music box..." you frowned, realizing how deep in your intimacy and privacy he'd gone to watch you.

"I know everything about you" he continued. "I even know about the people that hurt you when you were too blind to see it.

And, suddenly, a few names started crossing your mind. But San spoke before you could take a guess.

"Remember that guy... " he supported his weight on the edge of the desk, caging you "Johnny, was it? I don't know when he thought that crossing any boundaries with you would give him a happy ending" San scoffed.

He was probably one of the longest flings, and the one that got you in that weird situation where you thought you were finally over San. Although he ended up making you be done with men in general during one of your dates, when he didn't understand that you rathered to go home to suck his dick, rather than doing it behind one of the bushes in the middle of the night. The next day, he showed up with his face full of bruises and wounds, with his right hand bandaged, and with his apologies written down in paper because he wasn't able to speak properly.

Seeing your realizing gaze, San continued "Chris had the same fate" he clicked his tongue. "He didn't understand that he needed to treat you right if he wanted to be around you, so I had to break his other hand to get him to understand". He bent closer to you, letting his warm breath coat your chin "And don't even get me started on Grace. She played you, and fooled you into thinking I didn't like you because she knew I would never like her back".

"What did you do to her?"

"There's only one way to get liars to stop telling lies" that dark smile was back at it again. "Remember that scene in the House of Wax?".

Of course you remembered. Your whole body squirmed at the sensation of feeling your lips glued together, and only being able to separate them in the most hurtful way possible, while you watched the movie at night by yourself a few weeks ago.

"She really thought she could get in between you and me, and that I'd let it go so easily" he shook his head. "She now knows I'd do anything to keep you".

You should've been scared for yourself, you should've been thinking of the several ways to get out of there safely and make it to the nearest police station, but you stood there, staring into his eyes, finding some type of amusement in his words. You had heard several boys telling you exactly what he said, although most of them were either desperate to get inside your pants or were on a countdown for their climax. But San seemed so honest about it, so captivating that everything else suddenly disappeared.

"Anything?"

San was surprised by your question, confused by the tone you were using, and intrigued by the way your eyes landed on his. You raised your chin, leaving the scared deer one behind, to face him and mirror a tiny bit of his confident presence.

"Whatever you want, angel"

You looked over your shoulder, body feeling a bit hotter when you thought of the things he might've seen while looking at that same screen.

"I think it's time to stop looking at that screen, isn't it?" you turned to him.

"You aren't scared?"

His brows furrowed slightly while asking that question, doubting whether you were serious or just pulling an act to run away as soon as he let his guard down. And you were at first. But the more he spoke, the more he explained, the faster you realized he was never thinking of landing a hand on you. He could've if he had wanted to. He had several occasions, and many ways to do so. But he always kept a safe distance, always looking at you from afar.

"Should I?" you challenged him.

"Never".

You smiled, getting closer to him while standing in your tiptoes, just to be able to rub your lips on his earlobe.

"I know you're twisted" you whispered in his ear. "But, baby, you have no idea how twisted I can be, too. Maybe you didn't watch me for long enough"

Unlike all the kisses you shared tonight, there was some fury in this new kiss. He cupped your cheeks harshly, keeping you still in place while his lips moved speedily and expected yours to keep his pace. His tongue twirled on yours when he invaded your mouth with no previous warning, and your toes almost curled when the tip traced your palate smoothly.

"I've controlled myself too much tonight" he informed you with a raspy voice.

"It was too mild for someone who's been waiting for this for three years" you challenged him.

"Angel, you're going to regret ever saying that" he assured you, hands gripping tight on your thighs. "There will be nothing left of you when I'm done" he lifted your body, placing you on top of his deck. "You think you can challenge me to break this tiny pussy of yours and get away with it easily? Things don't work like that".

He hummed, looking down at your body. His fingers raised the fabric of his t-shirt, softly caressing your naked skin with his tips as he moved it up. He hummed when he had you completely naked in front of him, just that it was a billion times better than the first time. Because you were looking at the real him, and you were even more turned on than you were earlier that night.

His palm covered your pussy, rubbing against your clit, before his mouth was pulling from your hard nipple. There was something more dangerous than him and everything he did, and it was the way he was looking up at you while his tongue lewdly moved around your hand button. His teeth pulled from it, earning a sudden whine as he pulled harder than you expected, changing to your other nipple to do the right same thing.

San moved back, sinking two fingers in you suddenly, having you holding onto the edge of his desk so your body wouldn't fall back over the monitors. A few seconds later, the squeaking sounds, along with his groans and your gasps filled the room.

"You're mine forever, Y/n. Right?" he grabbed your jaw harshly, forcing you to look at him through your needy pleasure. "I won't ever let you go, and you won't ever leave my side".

Your head instantly nodded with no control when he curved his fingers in you, stroking that right spot until you lost any control of your body, doing and saying everything he wanted and needed.

"Aren't you my good and obedient girl?" he added his thumb on your clit, giving your brain a hard time trying to process everything that was going on.

Your humming and nods weren't enough anymore. He gave you a soft slap on your cheek, trying to get you to react and be vocal so he'd hear what he wanted to at that moment. "I am" you moaned, arching your hips for him.

"That's right, making me so proud" he bit your chin, before you suddenly felt empty again.

San didn't wait for you to be ready, or to see coming the way he was going to shove his fingers down your throat to suck them clean, to fill you again with his dick when you least expected, moaning on his fingers and sending vibrations through his body to his shaft.

You held onto his wrist with one of your hands, thinking that'd make it easier to deal with the impact of his hips against yours, but it didn't. His cock rubbed against every spot in you, and you believed you were in heaven every time his pubes collided against your exposed clit at the same time he reached the deepest spot.

"Did the others fuck you this good?" he wanted to know, taking his fingers out of your mouth to hold your jaw again. "Tell me".

"No" you moaned, not processing the few seconds you felt empty before he was pounding into you again.

"The hoe days are over for you. You're only getting my cock from now on. You understand that?" he harshly said.

Your head moved fast, nodding desperately to his words. He grinned with pride, content with seeing you in such a state because of him.

You whined when he stopped, pulling out and making you feel empty again. Although he didn't give you time to protest, because he trapped your lips in his smoothly, making sure no sound would come from you. Your body moved with his hands, feeling it being dragged to the edge until your feet were touching the cold ground again.

"Turn around" San demanded you, hard eyes on you "I want you to see something".

You were facing the monitors again, feeling his warm body covering your back while he looked for something in the computer. His arms were caging you again, while his lips rubbed on your shoulder, inviting you to look at the front and enjoy the view he had been having ever since he installed the security alarm.

You should've been disgusted and horrified by the way he had control over every tiny bit of your life, managing to watch you even in places where he should've had access at first. But your heart pumped hard against your rib cage, and you could feel your own juices leaking, when you saw yourself on camera. You were turned on by the idea of San watching you while you enjoyed yourself, humping against the pillow until you turned into a moaning mess.

"You should be ashamed of making me feel jealous of a fuckass pillow" he whispered in your ear. "I would've showed up in five and fuck your brains out just how you so badly wanted".

He separated your legs, exposing your entrance before he was back in you completely, having you holding onto the surface for support. His skin clapped loudly against yours with each thrust, making the audio from the video disappear completely, overlapped with his groans and your hushed moans.

Your legs felt lighter when he changed the angle, adjusting himself to reach a spot that would make it difficult for you to stand for any longer.

"Keep watching yourself" he redirected your eyes to the screen ", pathetically grinding against a pillow because you couldn't get what you're having now".

The hard slap on your asscheek sent a shivering all over your body, but only made your hips move harder against his. Your lower belly hit harshly against the edge of the table, getting the monitor to shake, but you couldn't care less about the slight pain you were starting to feel when his hand on your throat, his breath on your neck, and his cock balls deep in you were the only things in your mind in that moment.

"Angel, you want to be sent back to heaven?" he bit on your shoulder, hand grasping on your flesh as he calmed down his thrusts.

You didn't care where he sent you to, as long as you were able to keep that reclaimed and wanted feeling. Nothing else was important, nothing else mattered, as long as you had San willing to do anything for you, ignoring the lengths he'd go just to get it.

"Am I fucking you so dumb you aren't able to answer?" he forced your eyes on his, wailing silently when your neck hurted by the sudden move. "Do you want me to send you back to heaven?".

Your fast breathing and your own gasps were making it almost impossible for you to answer back his question. "I don't care" you moaned "I just want to be with you".

San smiled, pleased with the unexpected answer, before he rewarded you with a kiss. One of his hands moved up your chest, trapping your nipple with two of his fingers while his other hand moved down your body, slick fingers finding your clit and rubbing it in circles in sync with the slow movements of his hips.

"Once I fill you up, it's done, angel. There will be no turning back" he grunted on your lips. "Your pussy will be only mine to fill".

"Yes, please".

He bit on your lower lip, buckling his hips and starting a mind-blowing pace that got you cutting your own breathing with each thrust, always being interrupted with a new moan emerging from the deepest part of your body. You were caged, trapped, completely filled with his dick, held by his two hands -and also grinding against one of them-, while his teeth were digging on your skin as if you were actually planning to leave in the middle of that.

You felt so unstable that not even the table was a good support for you, reaching for both of his wrists to hold onto while your vision went blurry with every new rub. Your body was malfunctioning, feeling completely hot, finding the only focus on San until something similar to a bomb blew in your head. Your constant high-pitched moans turned into a long loud one that harmonized perfectly with his guttural groan when he spilled his seed inside of you, hugging you as if you were going to disappear after that.

His head fell heavily on your shoulder, as you two tried to regain some oxygen back to your lungs. Soft kisses were spread all over the curve of your shoulder, moving down to your back, tracing your spine with care until you felt his lips at the curve of one of your ass cheeks. He made sure to curve your hips enough, able to spot his cum leaking through your slit.

Your body reacted by itself at the first contact of his tongue, moving away from it, only to be pulled back against his mouth by his hands. The tip sometimes teased your swollen clit, although his full attention was in your entrance, covering it as much as he could. It was only a few seconds after that he was back on his feet, making you turn around and linking your lips together. Your bitter flavor was mixed with his salty one on your tongue, and he just waited for you to swallow it to finally smile against your lips.

"Good girl".

Your body flew in the air as he lifted you up, holding you in his arms to make your way out of his secret room and take you back to his bedroom. It was impressive how San was looking after you with such care after everything that happened back then.

His heat was suddenly on each part of your body as he hugged you tight in bed. Again, making sure you would never leave.

Not like you were planning to, anyway.

"Thank you" he whispered, and although you were trying to guess what his next words would be, you were speechless for what he said. "Thank you for being better than my expectations. You mold to me so perfectly, and make things so easy".

Was there any difference between you two, though? You wished and hoped to do to people what he did to those who hurt you. You remembered all the things that crossed your mind whenever a girl dared to look in his direction back in college, or how you wanted Grace to swallow her phone for ever thinking of him as someone she could sleep with. The only difference between you two is that he never kept it as thoughts only, and turned each one of his feelings into actions.

"You could've kept this all a secret if we had gone to my house instead".

"I don't want to keep any secrets from you" he assured you "Nothing. And I don't want you to keep any secrets from me either. It's us against the world, angel, and I will never allow anyone or anything to tear us apart" sliding his hand through your hair, curving on your neck, his eyes looked intensely at you.

"Understood?"

#ff #smut #one shot #reader insert #san #choi san #san smut #ateez #choisanxreader #sanxreader #armpirate #ateez smut #choi san smut #sanxreader scenarios #ateez scenarios #choi san scenarios #stalker au #stalker san #dark

[thefiery-phoenix]

yandere h.c for Sam, too <33

Sure

YANDERE SAMUEL SEO HEADCANONS

There are no words to express how much I simp for this man despite him being a walking red banner lol 

If you've managed to catch his attention, all I can say is RUN. Although that wouldn't really do you much good either since he's the President of the Worker's Affiliates and he does have a lot of influence, being Eugene's right hand man(before stabbing him in the back) does have it's own advantages. You could be a regular cafe worker or a member of the Worker's Affiliates, whatever it is, when he lands his eyes on you the only thought that will be running through his head will be 'They're MINE' 

He's one territorial, possessive, obsessive and manipulative MF to say the least. He has no qualms even going as far as literally THREATENING the people you're close to, friends and family included just so he can be with you. A literal walking red flag, his arrogant cocky smirk itself should be obvious. He wants possess you and make you his completely, he'll fall HARD for you and when he does, he won't be able to come back from that chasm of obsessive love for you. You remind him of a small little prey, so helpless and naive and he likes it that way. Don't get him wrong, he does love you, in his own twisted obsessive manner of course 

Man here has abandonment issues to the core, daddy issues, Gun issues(Lol who doesn't) and insecurities as well but when you comfort him, he's confused at first, he's genuinely taken aback. It's been so long since he's remembered someone taking the time and effort to comfort him and make sure he's doing all right. He'll reply in a calm and stoic manner that he's fine but deep down his heart is racing wildly, he's secretly really glad you're taking the time to comfort him. He'd rather die than admit this but he does appreciate your gesture. He likes how innocent and sweet you are, which makes him want to protect you and keep you safe. With him. Where you rightfully belong 

He's really not above bugging your entire apartment with hidden cameras so he can get a glimpse of your daily life, it's like a window into what you do everyday. He finds it so amusing and thinks it's adorable how you haven't figured out that he's secretly watching every move you do. He'll have his men find out more about you and the amount of information he has on you, he's ready to write a whole freaking research paper about you, that's how well he knows you now. Your social media accounts, your contacts list and yes, even all those fan fiction sites you like reading and visiting...he'll have them all. He'll immediately block all the people he doesn't like, he doesn't want some random pest stealing you away from him. He'll get information on those annoying pesky friends of yours and his mind will be racing of thoughts on how to dispose of them as soon as possible so you'll be his in every way possible 

No matter what, Samuel is ALWAYS around you one way or another. If some random person tries to hit on you or something, the very next day they'll immediately be reported missing. People will start disappearing from your life like flies and it's all HIS doing. He either pays them money to prevent them from seeing you again or he'll just straight up murder them. Though he does lean towards the second option quite frequently. If you try to accuse him of something, he'll just smirk at you and say something like "Sweetheart, you're mistaken. I wouldn't act as rash and unprofessional as this..." Yeah Right

You'll be kidnapped pretty soon because no WAY is he going to stand by and let someone try to steal you from him. You're HIS. You'll wake up on his bed while he'll have his usual standard smirk on his face as his arms are crossed over his muscular tattooed chest and he strides over to you. "Ah good, you're awake...there are going to be some changes to your lifestyle now'' he says in a calm manner as he lights a cigarette and smokes it calmly, like everything is all right after he literally just kidnapped you. Scream and throw as many number of tantrums as you want, he'll just find you amusing. If you want to cry, he might pretend to be slightly annoyed at first but he'll sigh softly as he wipes your tears with his thumb and then whisper in that husky voice of his in your ear to be good for him unless you want your loved ones to be safe. Sadistic MF 

You, of course won't know the reality of what he actually does and he prefers to keep it that way. What you don't know won't hurt you. Though he might be unhinged at times, he has his soft moments with you as well. He likes to hold you in his arms and press soft kisses to the nape of your neck and steal a few kisses on your lips every now and then. His kisses on your lips always leave you wanting for more and slightly gasping for air, he's that good lol. He just likes physical intimacy with you a lot. He might not be too expressive by words about his feelings of love for you but he believes that his actions are enough to make up for them. If anyone else touches his hair, he'd have broken their hand by now but if it's you, he'll have a soft smile on his face and pull you on his lap as he hums contentedly. It really HAS been a while since he's felt so happy and he couldn't have been more thankful since you came into his life 

He'll take you out for dates in fancy restaurants and spoil you with whatever your heart desires. Or if you want to have a quiet night in, that could be arranged too with you in his arms. I seriously pity the poor fool who tries to hurt you or steal you from him though. He will straight up TORTURE them with the way he fights. He loses complete self control when he fights, his mind is like a beast filled with pure unadulterated anger and rage as he breaks the bones of whatever schmuck dared to set their filthy eyes on you. Or he'll just kill them, not after banging their head to the wall over and over again and stomping on their face as he calmly smokes a cigarette (because MOOD) and he'll end up choking the person to death with one hand. After that's done, he'll grumble about how he's got blood on his suit but he's glad to go back home to be with you. Don't question the blood on his suit...just don't, for the sake of your sanity. He does get rather annoyed when they keep screaming for mercy though, he'll just smile at them in an unnerving manner and cut their tongue off to silence them 

Samuel adores you and loves you with all his twisted heart. Deep down he's still a bit insecure of himself. Don't even think of leaving him, it's a death wish. He'll just track your location in a few moments and he'll drag you back home. You'll end up being tied to his bed until you earn your freedom and his trust to move around again. Besides, you don't need to whine and complain so much, not when he's the one taking care of you. He's ready to do ANYTHING to ensure you stay by his side no matter what...

#yandere lookism characters x reader #yandere lookism #yandere lookism characters #yandere lookism x reader #yandere samuel seo #yandere samuel seo x reader #yandere samuel seo headcanons #yandere samuel seo imagines #yandere samuel seo oneshots #yandere samuel seo scenarios #dark lookism characters x reader #dark lookism characters #dark lookism x reader #dark lookism

[imyourbratzdoll]

𝒏𝒐 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒆𝒔 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒎

part 3 of 💔broken family💔

summary - your life has gone downhill so fast, having drowned your emotions in alcohol, you're met with your ex-husband dropping your son off.

warning - angst, alcohol abuse, self-doubt, thoughts of disappearing, flashbacks, sad moments, crying, swearing, mentions of not taking care of themselves.

the gif I use isn't mine, headers by me.

part 1 - part 2 - part 4

Warnings and Reminders - Please do not plagiarise, copy, repost/republish, adapt, or translate any of my work on any social media platforms, apps, or third-party sites. The only platforms I post my work on are: Tumblr and Wattpad. I do not own any character of any franchise (Marvel etc.) All my works are fiction and may be dark or triggering content: READ ALL WARNINGS BEFORE PROCEEDING.

You didn’t know how long it had been since you last saw Ari and Jason. You didn’t bother to check your phone or take good care of yourself. You hadn’t left the house, and it had gotten worse than when your son was living here, sure. He didn’t love you, but at least someone was there to bring you out of the dark. The bottles piled up in the corner, and bags had gathered under your eyes. You had showered, unable to live with the smell that would occur if you didn’t, but you barely ate. You couldn’t stomach it. The food had slowly gone off, and you relied on the alcohol between your hands to bring you back to those happy dreams, the world you would rather be in than this one. 

You had probably lost your job, but you had already lost everything else in life that you didn’t care anymore. You took another swig, more tears flowing down your face as the memories kept replaying over and over. You stared at the blank tv, remembering when you had first met Ari. 

You were in your twenties, wearing the prettiest light pink sundress and standing in line to get your favourite coffee. You hadn’t noticed the hunk watching you from a table. His laptop opened in front of him as you caught his eye. You were naive but not stupid. He had seen you come in every day, always ordering the same thing and always wearing a different colour sundress. Your head turned, and your eyes connected, causing a spark to flow through the two of you, and you gave him a soft smile, your cheek heating up as he returned it. You remember some asshole bumping into you just as you went to take a sip of your drink, causing the liquid to splash out and stain your dress. Ari had shot up, moving toward you so quickly, making sure you were okay, and giving the man hell before he went and ordered you a new one. You remember sitting down with him, feeling so shy, in the presence of someone so handsome. 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” He sat down next to you, handing you napkins and putting a large hand on your back as he stared at you with those beautiful blue eyes. “I’m so sorry that happened to you, crap. I forgot to introduce myself.” You swear your heart stopped as he chuckled. The smile on his face and the sound that escaped him was so… So perfect. His eyes connected with yours again, “I’m Ari. What’s your name, gorgeous?” Oh, at that moment, you wished your name was gorgeous. Your heart was beating so fast you thought it would beat out of your chest. 

“I’m Y/n.” His warm hand encased yours, giving it a soft squeeze, and the rest was history. You had fallen in love, got engaged a year after meeting, and then had Jason two years after getting married. You went so perfectly together, you were happy, and it was as if you were two pieces of a puzzle that fit together, but then everything changed. 

You blink, coming out of the memory, gulping down some more of your drink. You are startled as there is a knock at the door. Not knowing that you were supposed to be expecting someone, you got up and headed over to the door, slowly opening it and sighing as you came face to face with Ari, his eyes moving up and down your body, and you just sipped the wine out of the glass in your hand. “Did you need something?” 

“I’m here to drop Jason off.” You raise a brow, wondering why he is dropping your son off, thinking that maybe he has another date with the unknown woman. “Are you up for taking care of him?” You roll your eyes, placing the now empty glass down.

“Of course, I’m up for taking care of my own son. I’m his mother.” Ari nods and lets you know that he will go and get Jason, and you sit back on the couch. When your eyes land on him, you try and smile. “Hey, baby. I missed you. Did you have fun at your dad’s?” He stays between your ex-husband's legs, clinging to him as if you’d steal him away. “I got some new toys for you?” You could feel this draining you further, bringing you deeper into the darkness. 

Jason’s ears perk up at the sound of new toys, causing him to run to his room. “I can take to daddy’s!” You hold back the tears, not wanting Ari to see you so weak as you realise your son still doesn’t want to be around you. How could you fail as a mother? You watch as he comes back with the new toys, holding them in his tiny arms as he heads back over to his father, you try and smile at them, but this is breaking you too much. 

As they leave, you place your head in your hands and burst into tears, screaming and crying. Why was this happening to you? All you wanted to do was hold your son in your arms and tell him you love him. All you wanted was for Ari never to have stopped loving you. The tears kept flowing, and you whimpered into your hands, feeling your heart squeeze inside your chest. Everything had become too much, and you didn’t think you could go any longer like this. You were so lost in your mind that you didn’t notice Ari walking back into the house, his heart breaking as he heard your screams. He had rushed over, kneeling on the ground and bringing you into a hug, his hands gripping the back of your head as your fingers curled into his shirt, sobbing into him, finally letting go of all the pain. 

“Shh, shh. It’s okay, honey. I’m here. It’s okay.” He whispered, but his words were no comfort, not when you knew he wasn’t really here. He would never be here for you. Why would he? He left. Ari held you closer as you shook your head.

“You’re not, and it’s not.” You pull away, staring at him with tear-filled eyes. “I don’t have anyone anymore, Ari. You left. I lost the love of my life because you stopped loving me! I’ve even lost my son because he blames me!” You slam your fists into his chest, more tears flowing down as your heart keeps breaking. “Why are you even here!? Why are you acting as if you care?!” You bite your bottom lip, whimpering and sobbing, staring into the love of your life's eyes, thinking that the hurt look you see is all in your head. You push away, curling into the couch and turning your head. “Just go… It’s what you do best, Ari. You never even gave me a reason…..” You look at him. “Was I that hard to love?” You watch the many emotions go through him, but your eyes slip closed as you lean back into the chair. “You can go now… Looking at you hurts too much.” 

Ari nods, leaning forward and placing a soft kiss on your forehead before he walks out of your house. Your tears continue to flow because again. You are truly alone. Your eyes open in shock when tiny arms wrap around you, hugging your body. “I sorry, mummy! I wuv you!” You stare at your son before your eyes move up and lock with Ari’s. Your arms slowly wrap around Jason’s, and you rest your head on top of his head as your eyes slip back closed, smelling his sweet scent, having missed him. “I stay?” You pull back and look at his wide blue eyes.

“Do you want to, baby?” He nods, nuzzling his head into your chest. You look back up to Ari, and he gives you a nod and soft smile before looking back down at your son, holding him closer to you. It felt like you finally got to feel your baby in your arms again before everything went wrong. But you couldn’t get your hopes up because it would break you if he turned around and did what he did before. “Thank you… I’ll drop him off tomorrow.” He waves you off before leaving. “Baby, what do you want to do today?” 

“Food and movies?” He stares up at you with wide eyes, and you nod, excusing yourself first to brush your teeth, change and wash your face, needing to get the scent of alcohol off of you before heading back into the room, noticing him nuzzled into the pillow. When Jason’s eyes meet yours, he gives a little smile. “Mummy!” You smile and head over, sitting down and breathing in as he nuzzles into your side, holding onto you for dear life. You grab your phone and scroll through take-out options.

“Did you want pizza for dinner, baby?” He replies with a little yes, and you nod before standing, his little hands going up as he signals he wants to come with you. You pick him up, place him on your hip and make your way to the kitchen, setting him down on the counter as you prepare the snacks for the movie as you both wait for the pizza. “Have you been enjoying staying at your father’s, baby?” 

Jason nods, “Is good. But at night is sad. Like here.” You tilt your head, stopping what you are doing and wiping your hands onto a teatowel. You slowly move over to him and cup his cheeks.

“What do you mean sad, baby?” You stroke his cheek, staring down worriedly at him. “Baby, what happens at night at daddy’s house?” 

He sniffles, pouting as he looks up at you. “At nigh’, daddy cries. Is like here when you cry, he tries to be quiet, but I hear him.” Jason leans into your hand. “Is sad.” He pats your hands, “I in trouble?” 

You shake your head, “No, baby. You aren’t in trouble. Do you know why he’s always crying?” You continue to stroke his cheek.

Jason shrugs. “All hear is I sowwy.” You nod, pressing a kiss on his head.

“Okay, baby. Don’t worry. Nothing is your fault, okay?” He nods, sucking on his thumb as you go back to the food, your mind now filled with why Ari was crying and who he was apologising to. You knew Ari was one to cry when something really hurt him. It was another one of the reasons you fell in love with him. He would let his feelings out, you had thought you found the perfect guy when he chose to communicate through problems instead of leaving, but you guess you were wrong with your judgement. “Alright, baby. The snacks are ready, and pizza is on its way. Do you want to help mummy carry the snacks to the loungeroom?” Jason nods, grabbing some of the food as you pick him up and grab the remaining. Once you’ve sat down and placed the snacks on the coffee table before you, you turn toward your son. “What do you want to watch, baby?” 

“Avengers!” He giggles, punching the air. You shake your head, smiling before putting the Avengers on, “Captin!” Your son squeals, seeing his favourite superhero on the screen. “Pow! Pow!” You smile, sinking into the couch and holding your son close, your heart finally feeling warm after feeling so cold for so long. “Mumma! Wook! Cap ‘Merica!” Jason’s head moves from you to the screen, staring wide-eyed at the blue, white and red man. “Look like daddy?” 

When those words slip from his lips, you stare at the screen, seeing the resemblance of the man you love. Your eyes move down his body and back to his face, those pretty blue eyes. You blink and shake your head. It’s your mind, and it’s playing tricks on you, making you see him because you miss him. You feel a finger poke your cheek. You look down and see your son staring at you with furrowed brows. “Yeah, baby. He looks like daddy.” You lean forward, pressing a soft kiss on his forehead, smiling as he bursts into giggles. 

“Mumma?” 

“Yeah, baby?” 

“You still wuv me?” He pats his chest, pouting.

“Oh, baby. Of course, I still love you and will never stop loving you.” You place him onto your lap, “Why do you think otherwise?” 

You stroke his sides as he pouts at you. “Just tought… I, bad boy, tought you stopped wuving me.” He sniffles, fat tears brimming in his eyes. 

Tears fill your eyes, bringing your son closer to you as you place a kiss on his head, pulling him into you. “I will always love you, baby. Even when you hate me, I’ll still love you.”

Jason shakes his head into your chest, “I don’ hate you! I wuv you mummy!” Hearing those words felt good... But no one would ever know how broken you really are.

thank you for reading!

feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

#imyourbratzdollwork #broken family au #broken family #ex husband ari levinson x ex wife reader #ari levinson imagine #ari levinson fic #ari levinson fanfiction #ari levinson #ari levinson angst #ari levinson fanfic #ari levinson fluff #ari levinson x fem!reader #ari levinson x female reader #ari levinson x reader #ari levinson x y/n #ari levinson x you #ari levinson au #ari levinson one shot #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans x female reader #chris evans x reader #chris evans #chris evans angst #chris evans series #ari levinson series #chris evans character #chris evans characters #chris evans fan fic #chris evans fan fiction #chris evans fandom

[princesssmars]

siobhan roy gets what she wants, and sooner or later its gonna drive her husband insane. 18+. fem!reader. fxfxm threesome. toms pov.

when she first brings up the idea, tom awkwardly laughs and goes back to his dinner. its some fusion chicken dish at this insanely expensive place in manhattan, no prices on the menus. he asks her to repeat herself and she gives the same response.

a threesome. sex between him, her and another woman. but notnjust some random waitress or escort from some top of the line site like willa. she suggests you. her best friend of the past eighteen years.

the number eighteen just reminds of his shiv's insistence on not having a baby for at least ten years. he picks at his food until she lightly pushes his shoulder to look at her.

she's busy explaining the terms of their agreement and how this is beneficial to the both of them while he just watches. her eyes are squinting like they do when she smiles, and he thinks about the last time she had a real smile while talking to him.

he bites the inside of his cheek and agrees.

tom thought you were hot. and it was a bit scary. he'd heard some social media startup at a banquet remark how it was a shame your family has prioritized the humanities and technology for five generations, because if there was any pick of them to woo the world with a face and body it'd be you.

he never had any doubts about how much he cared for shiv. she was shiv fucking roy, he couldnt believe she was talking to him in that nightclub in ithaca. but he'd be a liar if he said he didn't let his eyes wander the first time he met you.

but he'd also be a liar if he said he'd never questioned just how close you and shiv were. his first introduction to a family and friends golf trip, and he studied how she corrected your stance from behind you, pressing her body into yours. but girls could be..touchy with each other. that was normal. what wasn't normal was roman teasing shiv for 'taking any chance to remind me you got to have a lesbo relationship with the girl everyone wanted in boarding school.' she gives a 'fuck you' and a punch to his arm before sitting next to tom, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

after that, he notices all of the little hand grabs under tables, the shared smiles when one of either of your siblings embarrasses themselves, and the late nights where shiv stays out with you to "go over some business". but he stays quiet. you're just best friends. and he knows the roys' have...odd relationships with the people around them. he's glad shiv has you to rely on when he's not around.

now he's standing over the bed, their bed, as the two of you giggle while shiv tugs your dress over your head, moving to yank your underwear down with quickness. he isn't sure where he's supposed to be or what he's supposed to be doing. a mixture of arousal and uneasiness grows in the pit of his stomach.

he feels like a creep just watching so he settles beside the two of you on the bed, feeling like he's made a wrong move once the both of you stop and your eyes settle on him.

"aw babe, i forgot you were here for a second. don't be shy. she won't bite." shiv consoles him, although the first part of her sentence does anything but. her cut hair rests softly on her shoulders, the black lace of her bra looking so nice against the paleness of her skin. he gives a gentle nod and turns his body towards you.

"yeah, tom. won't bite unless you ask me to." your hand grasps his wrist and brings it to your chest, his palm spreading out over your nipple and squeezing until you let out a hum. he eases into it, jumping a bit when a loud moan leaves your throat and your head goes back.

he looks down and shiv is between your legs, her eyes closed in content as she buries her mouth into you. she doesn't tease you like she does with him, hands bringing your legs to rest over her shoulders and digging into your thighs. he can only watch as your hand moves downward, ready to tell you that shiv hates having her hair pulled, when you get a grip in the red locks and pull, the woman groaning from between your legs.

he knew it all along, but this, all of this, cements it. you've done this before. shiv, the love of his life, his wife, has slept with her best friend, the maid of honor at their fucking wedding, and never told him. he makes eye contact with you, and you give him a smile as you grip his head and bring him into sloppy kiss.

throughout the night he can picture all of it from shiv's point of view. sticking her tongue in your mouth and tasting your lip balm. biting into the skin of your neck to hear your cries. licking over your clit until you cum into her mouth. doing all of it and more to her in return.

he leaves autopilot when he's on the bottom, mouth agape as you sink onto him and take a breather as shiv sits on his face. he's back inside his mind, fucking shiv's cunt with his mouth until his jaw aches and his veins cry out from gripping her thighs.

she normally chastises him for it, hating when he leaves marks. but right now she's preoccupied in you, and if just the sounds of you two kissing is sending him into a frenzy he can only imagine what it looks like. you're laughing, and she's laughing, and his ears strain to hear what the two of you are whispering about over the sounds of sex.

"god, you look so fucking hot-"

"'m so glad you finally did this, god, shit, got so tired of waiting-"

"i know, aw, i know baby. just a little longer, baby."

"im close, fuck tom, shiv!"

"god i fucking love you-"

tom's hips buck up as his high hits him like a freigh train, cumming inside of the condom he had fit on beforehand. you both tumble off of him, and once he gets his bearings he slowly stands and throws the condom into the trash. as he's walking into the en-suite bathroom shiv calls out that you're staying the night, her hand rubbing up and down your leg as youlay out on their bed.

can you tell which one of them i like more. its shiv i want to fuck shiv.

he smiles and closes the door.

#succession #succession hbo #succession x reader #shiv #shiv roy #shiv roy x reader #siobhan roy #siobhan roy x reader #tom wambsgans #tom wambsgans x reader #tomshiv #tom shiv x reader

[anipgarden]

The Secret Other Thing: KILL

This is my eighth post in a series I’ll be making on how to increase biodiversity on a budget! I’m not an expert--just an enthusiast--but I hope something you find here helps! 

KILL, TEAR, RIP, MAIM. 

You may have seen this sentiment a few times on gardening and wildlife blogs and been incredibly confused. Isn’t killing things the opposite of what you should be doing to protect habitats? In some cases, it really is necessary!

Invasive Plants

Invasive plants can do more harm than good, taking up space and nutrients and providing little in return to local wildlife--while spreading and choking out the native plants that would provide the most to our native fauna. Learn how to identify invasive species in your area and how to properly dispose of them, and do so whenever you have the opportunity! You may even be able to find volunteer groups/events where you can join up with like-minded people to remove a specific plant from an area.

(This image refers to the United States specifically--these plants aren't invasive or native everywhere!)

Pro tip, though; if you take out an invasive species and leave empty soil where it was, it’s likely another quick-growing invasive species will just move in. We don’t want that! Try to plant something in its place! If you’re going out on a mission to take out invasive plants, try to keep some native flower seeds or seedlings on your person while you do this work.

Different plants are invasive in different places, so be sure that the plant you're targeting is actually invasive to where you are. You don’t want to rip out a beneficial plant because it’s invasive somewhere else! Social media sites like Instagram and Tumblr are great for spreading information about invasive plants, but they can often be a bit… US-centric. Even I'm guilty of this, plenty of times! Plants like garlic mustard, kudzu, butterfly bush, Amur honeysuckle, wild radish, and Japanese knotweed are high-profile invasive plants that I hear about all the time here in America--but they came from somewhere, and are a part of the environment in these places! Likewise, many plants that are branded as pollinator-friendly and biodiversity boosters here in the states can be awful invasive species elsewhere. Even plants and animals that aren’t invasive in one part of a country or continent can be detrimental in another--Canadian waterweed is native to North America, but it’s actually invasive in Alaska.

(Japanese honeysuckle (Lonicera japonica) vs Coral honeysuckle (Lonicera sempervirens) vs the yellow variety of Coral honeysuckle (Lonicera sempervirens))

Be sure you’re taking out the right plant--be very confident in your ID before you take any action! Amur honeysuckle and Japanese honeysuckle, for example, may be invasive in the US--but coral and northern bush honeysuckles are native and key species in their environments. You don’t want to do harm while trying to do good--double check your IDs. Being certain with your IDs can also prevent you from doing harm to yourself and others--some plants produce toxic smoke when burned. Stay well-read on how to dispose of the invasive plants you’re targeting. 

(Garlic mustard pesto! Can't say I've ever had it, but I've heard good things about it online!)

With that being said! Some invasive species can be eaten. It’s free food! And you’re helping the environment? Win-win! Try looking up recipes that use these plants, or see how you can substitute something else for them! Foraging guides and blogs would likely be extremely helpful for this.

A super easy way to help curb the spread of invasive plants is to not grow them yourself! Double check any plant you’re considering buying or growing from seed--some sold in stores like butterfly bush are often touted as great plants to add to a pollinator garden, but in reality are an invasive species that eagerly displaces native shrubs here in the states.

POV: you're working the garden center at the Blue Big Box Store, you care about the environment, and every day you watch people buy Butterfly Bush and can do jack shit about it asides from try to gently steer them towards something else (but the other next best option was also Invasive Tropical Milkweed because its easier for Big Box Store to sell) I have a personal vendetta against people who grow Butterfly Bush (I live in The States) (If you didn't know Butterfly Bush was invasive in the US before now you're valid but also please god consider replacing it with an alternative ASAP)

Invasive Animals

POV 30 to 50 feral hogs are running into your yard within 3-5 minutes while your small children play

Invasive animals and insects compete for resources, take over habitat, and can even spread disease--all while pushing native species out or dwindling their numbers. Keep track of invasive animals you see and report them. Depending on the severity of the situation, killing them can be necessary and even encouraged. Do be sure it’s an invasive species and not a look-alike. If you’re unsure, take pictures, do research, and take action the next time.

Some high-profile invasive species in the US are spotted lanternflies, cuban tree frogs, hammerhead worms, feral swine, zebra mussels, lionfish, asian carp, burmese python, and others. Again, do make sure you’re targeting species that are invasive in your area; I doubt Asian carp are considered invasive in Asia, for example. Similarly, the American bullfrog is native to the eastern US and Canada, but is quickly becoming an invasive species around the rest of the world. Not to mention, the racoon problem in Japan… 

Some invasive species can be eaten as well! Some of them taste awful, and some can even be dangerous to eat or handle without caution. I would do a good amount of research online before trying to cook up just anything.

Doing it Right

If you’re trying to handle invasive species, you do have to ensure you’re doing it properly. As you do your research, you’ll likely see if the species should be photographed and reported and to what channels. Also in some cases, going about destroying them incorrectly could unintentionally help them spread--some plants spread quickly through rhizomes into disturbed soil, and hammerhead worms can actually regenerate from pieces into fully-developed new worms when you try to cut them up. Some invasive species are even actively harmful to humans, so I cannot emphasize enough that you need to be sure about what you’re dealing with and be careful about it. Giant Hogweed, for example, has toxic sap that’ll cause severe skin inflammation and painful blisters if it contacts skin and is exposed to sunlight. The blisters last for months, and the skin may develop long-term sensitivity for sunlight. 

If you’re unsure about how to handle an invasive plant, or are unsure of it’s identity, try contacting your local university co-op extension service if you’re in the states. They can tell you how to remove it safely and effectively. I can't say for sure what other channels would be the best option for someone living outside the states, so if anyone knows, feel free to chime in!

Pets

POV: ur little outdoor kitty Firestar is destroying the balance of your local ecosystem plz keep him INSIDE

Please keep your pets inside, or at least on a leash. An outdoor cat can do a lot more damage than one might imagine, as well as unrestrained dogs.

That’s the end of this post! And... technically, the last post in the series! My next and final final post is gonna be basically a giant list of all my sources that I used to make this post! I hope this post series was informative, helpful, interesting--anything of value, really! Feel free to reply with any questions, your success stories, or anything you think I may have forgotten to add in!

#biodiversity #solarpunk #gardening #invasive species #ani rambles #out of queue #the biodiversity saga #i wasn't sure where to add this in on the post but not all non natives are invasive and some native plants have sorta invasive-y habits #i dont remember the proper term that isn't just 'invasive-y' but yknow. #with that being said I tend to do a quick google search to make sure a plant I wanna buy isn't invasive before I add it to my garden #with that being said fuck big box stores STOP SELLING INVASIVE PLANTS I SWEAR TO GOD I DONT CARE IF THEY'RE POPULAR STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT #someday I will go on an entire unhinged rant about tropical milkweed #ive already done it before but I'm willing to do it again fuck it #anyways!!!! this is the last post if you don't wanna read Collection Of Links: The Musical so uh #hope this was a nice series with helpful information!! love yall byeeee

[relaxxattack]

'you could already ip ban or turn off anon' yes but you can only ip ban someone who sent you anon hate AFTER theyve sent you anon hate. you can turn off anons any time you want but ppl typically only do it after theyve been sent massive amounts of anon hate. making it so that users need to sign in to be able to send any type of ask is a preventative measure to avoid masses of off site ppl attacking a user. we live in the age of kiwifarms and twitter callouts, this is a good change and will protect vulnerable ppl

this is a fair point and although i understand where you're coming from i disagree. it's one of those classic freedom vs. safety situations, and in this situation specifically i personally would prefer freedom. especially in the stage of extremely censored "marketable" internet we've been moving into.

you only need one dickish ask to block that anon's ip, and you only need someone to be a dick to you one time before you block their url too. it honestly feels like exactly the same amount of risk is involved.

i feel like tumblr could have just as easily implemented this 'fear factor preventative measure' by including a message warning while sending an anon that 'this blog can stop you from sending more asks should they want to/you're mean'. that would have had the same emotional effect. i don't think tumblr added this feature (only) for user safety-- it's just another way for them to force people to sign up before they can access content. (i don't think it's a coincidence they only rolled this feature out recently, at the same time as they added the popup that doesn't let you look at posts unless you sign in. anon harassment has existed for years and years, if that was their motivation they could have added it forever ago.)

i still remember being a kid who wasn't allowed to make any social media accounts, excitedly and nervously leaving anon asks for my favorite creators and artists to tell them how much i liked their stuff. anonymity and lurking on the internet -- privacy in general, to be honest -- is dissapearing because sites want more users, more subscribers, more money. i personally just can't stand that. i want to go back to those days of old where you could get asks from a curious person checking out your blog from a link off another site. i liked that!

but: that's just me! i understand and respect your opinion and that you would prefer the safety of a more controlled internet, that's a completely fair opinion to have.

#i hope this doesnt come off as rude i just wanted to give my thoughts in return to yours

[rewcana]

do you spend many of your waking hours on social media? do you feel like it's a problem? in this world of late stage capitalism, your time and attention is actively being harvested by big corporations. it's.. not good. it also just makes you feel bad!

here are some tips that have really helped me reduce the amount of time i give to these apps & get in control of my social media addiction:

1. IDENTIFY PROBLEM APPS

you probably know which apps you spend the most time on. however, looking at real data about usage is very helpful because time spent on social media is very deceiving. keep in mind which apps you spend the most time looking at and interacting with for the rest of this list.

2. TURN OFF NOTIFICATIONS

this is probably the easiest thing to do and it makes an immense difference. it's up to your discretion which notifications you want to keep on (turning on messaging notifications but turning off algorithm and interaction notifs for example) but, the most effective way to stay off problem apps is to turn off ALL notifications.

3. TURN OFF NOTIFICATION SOUNDS

i always keep my phone on silent. i understand that not all people have that privilege but, if you're able to i would highly highly recommend. it has helped me a lot with anxieties regarding waiting for notifications. i used to experienced the phantom vibrate and check my phone obsessively when nothing would happen. you can also just turn off notification sounds and vibrations for any non necessity apps if you don't want to jump to turning off all notifications.

4. CHANGE THE PLACEMENT OF PROBLEM APPS

i actually learned this trick from facebook when they changed the UI slightly so you had to be more intentional in interacting with the app. changing the layout of the apps on your phone really helps you catch yourself when you are automatically opening up apps that cost you time and attention. instead of keeping social media apps on the homescreen, keep it on a different screen, in a folder, & if possible out of the preview window for the folder.

if you want to expand on this more, you could keep a log in a notes app of every time you reached for an app that has since moved. you can even put the notes app in its place!

5. UTILIZE APP TIMERS

my experience is based on samsung app timers so i'm not sure how it differs in different makes. i really dont like my phone telling me i can't do something so i've set my tumblr timer to the highest end of my usage data (2hrs 10 minutes). another mindfulness thing that i like about using the timers is that when i'm switching between apps, my phone tells me how much time left i have (it's currently 1 hour 21 minutes, most of the 49 minutes i've spent writing this lol). i'm just a slut for data so i really like this aspect of the samsung app timer function and it's very useful besides this point.

6. DELETE APPS

okay, i know this seems drastic. but it doesn't NEED to be depending on your habitual problem apps. apps like youtube, instagram, facebook, and tumblr (to a lesser extent ime) (and probably others these are just the ones i have experience with) can pretty easily be transferred to being used exclusively on a web browser. if you use firefox it will even get rid of ads which is very important for overall sanity and for safe web browsing. one of the biggest plusses to moving from an app to a web browser is that it won't automatically play your platform's version of tiktoks. it also makes it more difficult to upload items which is a plus because it will hinder you from doing so and cut back on the loop of expecting validation from recently posted content.

opening instagram without immediately being enthralled by their endless stream of reels has made it SO much easier to control my time on the site. there are tons of plusses to transferring from app browsing to web browsing.

so on the more drastic side, if you are addicted to tiktok you maybe should just delete it. tiktok is intentionally designed so you can't use it in a web browser and can only use it in the app. i will talk more about tiktok and how evil it is later in this post.

7. MOVE DMS TO MESSAGING APPS

if a hesitation to turning off notifactions or deleting apps is from not wanting to miss conversations from online friends, i understand your pain. but, if you are serious about cutting down screen time on apps that are absolutely draining your attention, talk to your friends about switching to a different messaging app. i would suggest signal personally.

your friends may be experiencing similar problems with phone addiction and even if they aren't, if they care about you, they will make this accommodation to help you in this process. i get that this is very scary but i believe in you.

8. USE TIME ON YOUR PHONE FOR OTHER THINGS

depending on your goals for how you spend your time, there are plenty of alternatives to social media / other problem apps you may have. personally i have downloaded a bunch of books on my reading list and will divert attention from dopamine pumping social media to reading. you can find tons of free pdfs of books online and if you are used to reading on your phone, it won't be a difficult transition to read longer form narratives from short text posts.

there are free art apps, language learning apps, self care / journaling apps, meditation apps, etc. that you can use when on your phone. this may seem counterintuitive, getting more apps to battle certain app addictions. but, simply weakening the habit that brings you to the apps that you spend so much time on should help. but watch out for apps that claim they are to teach or better you but have social media built into them / other tricks that keep you glued to your screen. everyone is trying to mine your attention so be wary of all apps and the methods they use to keep you engaged.

9. DON’T BE AFRAID TO PUT YOUR PHONE BACK DOWN AFTER PICKING IT UP

idk if this is a weird one or not but, you know the feeling of going into a room to do something but you forget what so you putter around trying to remember? i feel like going on your phone when you have a phone addiction is often a state of that except the majority of the time you DON’T have a purpose to go on it. so even though it may feel silly, opening your phone only to close it right after is PERFECTLY FINE.

IN CONCLUSION, phone usage is pretty inevitable in this day and age. i've considered getting rid of my phone entirely but, between the expectation to be constantly reachable from employers to QR code menus at restaurants, it just doesn't seem reasonable to get rid of my phone completely. and i will readily admit its convenience and functionality is life changing and wonderful.

however in late stage capitalism, technology doesn't only work for you but it harvests you -- your data, your habits, your time, your attention, your wants, your needs, your thoughts. even leftist spaces with good intentions can trap you (doom scrolling). when i was becoming radicalized during the beginning of the pandemic i spent sooo much time online reading about all these horrible truths of imperialism, colonization, and capitalism, and i felt it was my duty to share these horrors with other people to radicalize them. but it was so unhealthy, especially when shit hit the fan (which it was like constantly doing) because everyone was posting about the horrors and it felt utterly inescapable.

after following some of these steps (which i did in stages over the course of a few years), my relationship with social media has improved greatly and my mental health is actually significantly better. all of this is based on personal experience and observation and this post is specifically for people who want to cut down on phone usage, it's not supposed to be a preachy post that's telling people they spend too much time on their phone.

it's also nowhere near complete. it doesn't tackle addictions to games on phones nor the notorious tiktok. i said i would talk about it later and here it is. i have a chalkboard in my kitchen and all it has written on it is "tiktok is the devil". i have never seen such a commonly used app that has such a degrading effect on all of its users. and it set a precedent to all other social media apps for autoplaying videos that demand user engagement. i was on tiktok for a little less than a year and the way that it would sap anywhere from 20 minutes to over 3 hours of my time when i told myself i'd only watch a few videos was insane. as an aspiring creator i felt that i needed to hop on it to get recognition but now, i don't see it as anything more than a tarpit to trap as many people as possible in its dopamine rich algorithm. but whatever, that's just my little rant. as a social experiment i think it's fascinating lol and i for the creators it's benefited im very happy for them.

anywayy, i hope this helps someone if it gets any attention at all lol. remember no one can make the decision of how you spend your time on or offline but you. not some stranger on the internet, not corporations, no one. you are in control of your time (well besides the whole having to work most of your waking hours to survive but that's what communism is for yayy).

#tumblr #social media #social media addiction #phone addiction #capitalism #dystopia #important #i hope at least one person reads this 😭 #but forreal distancing myself from my phone and being more present in my life has improved it sooo much #cannot emphasize this enough #also phone addiction is not a morally bad thing just like any addiction!!! #the irony of me posting this and then staying on the app waiting to see if it gets engagement #ahhh addiction

[diabolikpersonals]

I am not certain yet that I want to call out specific blogs (last time I did that it got WEIRD) but it has been a while since we've had a discussion about reposting art as a fandom, and someone asked me to comment :')

I've been in the fandom long enough to see art reposting cause plenty of problems, and I've also been a victim of it myself, so I hope I can help someone understand.

So, fanartists, right? You might not be aware if you're not an artist yourself, but a lot of artists dislike it when you take their work and post it somewhere else. Plenty will have something like "DO NOT REPOST" written right there on their page. Even if they don't, that does not mean that they allow reposts.

There are plenty of reasons why an artist might feel this way, but to name a few common reasons, it could be an issue of credit or publicity: imagine you put hours of work into a piece of art, but another account posts it and they're the one who gains interactions, followers, etc. Even if that account mentions you as the artist, people aren't necessarily going to seek out the original artist. They're probably going to interact with the repost that's right in front of them. Can you imagine that feeling? Like, "Why is this person building a social media presence based on my work, and the work of other artists?" Interactions aside, it's really frustrating when you put a ton of effort into something and you're not recognized for it.

To name another reason, an artist might only want their work to be published in one particular place. This is often the case for me too, actually; I only want my dialovers fanart on tumblr, and I never post it on my twitter account, because I don't want it there. Another medium but still relevant: I don't want my youtube videos exported to other sites because if a lot of people view those reposts, I lose money that I would've gotten if they had just watched my video. Maybe there's a certain type of user that you don't want your work to be exposed to, or maybe you just don't like a site and you don't want your work there. This is something an artist should be able to decide for themself, and it's not right for you to put their art in places they didn't consent to putting it.

It's a case-by-case basis, of course, because different artists have different feelings about it, but generally, you need to obtain permission from an artist before taking their work and publishing it yourself. You can just ask! It's totally normal to ask. Worst they can say is no. Plenty of artists do allow reposts, and if they say that they allow reposts, then go for it!! But if they don't have "reposting is ok" written anywhere, and if you didn't ask permission......then that's not okay. You need to respect artists a little more than that.

Because you know what artists do when they don't feel respected? When their boundaries are crossed, and people post their work without permission?? A lot of times, they delete their stuff, they move their work someplace else to try and evade reposters, and sometimes they stop drawing for a fandom altogether. If you've been in the dialovers fandom for a long time, this has absolutely happened multiple times, whether or not you were aware of it. If you know which repost acc we're discussing here, you might've seen some of their posts say something like "artist is no longer active." And it blows my mind, because I was there when they became inactive, and more than one of them because inactive because people reposted their art! So, besides being disrespectful, it also leads to less dialovers fanart.

But anyway, most of you reading this probably don't repost art, so the more useful thing I can tell you is that I hope you can support artists by interacting with them rather than repost accounts. If you see a repost acc and like the art you see, and if you want to see more of it, seek out the artist's original account instead.

unfollow art repost accounts. seek out and follow artists instead. they are out there. they are awesome. change da world… my final message. Goodb ye.

#text #also just to be safe uh. dont like dogpile on anybody ok. u can talk nicely to people online #I've found that a lot of times it's a lot more effective to just politely ask reposters if they have permission lol

[solar-wing]

☀️ General Reminder ☀️

I was actively enforcing this for a bit, but due to some issues with tags and engagement on my blog, I stopped but will be returning to it now that I've figured out how to fix it.

Please remember that this blog is a mix of SFW/NSFW!!!

All my SFW works are open for anyone to read and interact with. But, anything marked with an 18+ MDNI is not suitable for minors.

AND TO BE CLEAR, I WILL consider you a minor if your blog is AGELESS AND/OR BLANK.

AGAIN, AGELESS AND BLANK PROFILES WILL BE BLOCKED IF I SEE YOU INTERACTING WITH POSTS MARKED WITH 18+ MDNI. So, if you're a regular reader/follower of mine, and you don't have your age in your bio, I'd recommend putting it there. For my sake and sanity.

Also, I want to remind my general populace that Tumblr's algorithm is very different from other social media sites. Likes virtually do nothing for your favorite creators/authors, but Reblogs do!

If you're another author or creator and need to keep your profile feed easy to navigate, totally understand. But, for those who are just reading and consuming, it really doesn't hurt to just do a quick reblog and keep moving. It helps push our content out on the algorithm.

If you have a favorite reader/writer and you want them to feel motivated to post, I encourage you to reblog more instead of just liking and scrolling. Also, be in the replies (if the author/creator is open to it and allows it)! I love interacting and talking with you guys. If you have feedback or just want to express something, please do (of course, don't be rude or a butthole). We really appreciate it.

I feel I can speak for not just myself, but all creators and authors alike on this app that it really helps and encourages us to create when we feel like people are really enjoying and appreciating our content. Getting likes is nice, but it's almost the same as surface-level compliments with no meaning or genuineness.

Very much dry 'Oh this is nice' and a dry reply of 'Thank you' to sound appreciative. That's the energy it gives.

I am also putting this here as a general warning. I see it a lot and didn't know how to feel about it at first, but now that I know other blogs have used this rule, I'm adapting it as well.

Spam liking me w/o any reblogs can and will result in a block. It communicates to me that you're not actually reading and appreciating my content, you're just saving it to one day come back to it in the future like a bookmark and that's not okay with me.

Just please reblog more! Thank you!

#solar-wing ☀️ #☀️🪽.info #☀️🪽.rules #☀️🪽.txt #gay #male reader #x male reader #reblog #general

[winslowat3am]

I need your help, from a bro to another bro‼️‼️ I’m hanging out with a girl but I don’t like her enough to date her but she want to add me on ig but I don’t want to add her for a few reasons: I don’t want her to see all the pages I follow and my privacy and I don’t want to put my energy into a relationship I don’t want, what would you do? Should I just give it to her or no?

If you don't like her that way why would you give her your social media? Cause then she's probably going to bother/stalk you there. & if there are things you share about your personal life there that you don't want her sniffing through just lie, make up some excuse why you don't want her to have it, it's what I've done when people I don't really like/trust or seemed shady asked for mine. Example: "Hey, what's your Facebook?" "You know, I actually don't use Facebook anymore, yeah I accidentally locked myself out, sorry. Bummer." & then you flip it on 'em, you hit 'em with the "give me a way to contact you!" with no intention to follow through. I do that A LOT, I hate to admit it. I'll humor them for a while but then it's like I'm over it & they start to annoy me. 😂 I kind of understand your situation, though, cause earlier this year I ran into a woman in Publix that I used to go to school with that had a crush on me back when we were "kind of" cool (she was friends with my brother), & we got to talking, she eventually asked for my number talking about we could catch up sometime & I gave her my old one that's probably somebody else's now, & I still feel a little bad when I think about it cause I don't like lying, but I'm taken & I already knew her intentions. Would've felt worse saying "no thanks." It's so weird, just imagine. Right after I got married she popped up & another girl I used to date (& could've sworn I blocked) followed me on IG & messaged me asking how I was doing. Lol. I just, I don't know, I generally don't like people, & I don't like people trying to befriend me, that's the REAL underlying reason. I'm an introvert & I'm picky about people I deal with. I'll have a conversation with you & be nice, give you advice to resolve your problems (if I care enough) but I'm not your friend. I'm friendly but I'm not friend-ly, there's a difference. Never understood why people try to get you to move from one app/site to another app/site, UNLESS they're trying to date or scam you or be nosy. It's hella invasive to ask for someone's socials instead of their number when you're just getting to know them, imo. Sometimes you just don't want certain people following you/in your business & that's okay. I curve muthafuckas all the time. My advice is to lie. 😈 *Laughs maniacally* Ah yes, the beautiful white lie. I bet you thought I was going to say something wholesome & be like, "tell the truth, she deserves it!", nope. Not feeling especially good natured today. Good luck, you sexy king.

#you should eventually tell her you're not interested though don't lead her on #cause that would make you a shit person #I don't make the rules I just relay them 🤷‍♂️ #ask #inbox replies 📬

[pintsizebear]

A quick guide on diversifying your internet use

Big social media is going to keep being disappointing because their wants and needs don't come anywhere close to aligning with their users wants and needs. EVERY big social media site or app will eventually misalign with its users, because having the entire internet's worth of people in one place is unsustainable for moderation and for financial reasons. It's an unavoidable fate for sites that are supposed to be the hub for everything.

It doesn't have to be that way. Start diversifying the sites you use BEFORE your favorite social media site becomes basically unusable or goes down completely. Take some power away from big tech corporations. Drag your friends into it too, you don't have to explore alone!

Here's a few examples of things you can do:

Join some forums There's forums for basically everything you can think of, from toy collecting, to discussion of specific disabilities, to gardening, to niche roleplay topics, and they've been running for decades so there's immense amounts of knowledge on them. Plus, people tend to be super friendly and welcoming of newbies, so you're likely to make new friends if you post regularly on them. Googling/searching for a topic + "forum"/"discussion board" (like "knitting forum" or "paper mache discussion board") will generally get you what you're looking for. Save your favorites and give them a visit every now and then!

Subscribe to some RSS feeds RSS feeds make it incredibly simple to get updates and news from your favorite websites, including a lot of social media sites! RSS readers + aggregators take the RSS information from your chosen websites (+ tumblrs, twitters, youtube channels, etc) and puts them into an easy to browse format, all in one place. Readers and aggregators are available as browser addons, desktop programs, mobile apps, email subscriptions, embeddable widgets, whatever suits your needs best. Your RSS subscriptions aren't subject to annoying, everchanging, unpredictable algorithms. They'll only show you what you're subscribed to and they'll be in chronological order. Most of them are completely free and have no ads.

Make your own website Having your own website fucking rules and you're fully in charge of everything about it. Make a blog, make an art gallery, use it as a personal image or video host, show your ass, who cares. It's yours to do what you want! Free web hosting: While free hosting is a lot more limited in what you can do, it's also much more accessible if you're not sure you want to fully commit to running a website or if you just want something to throw info on a couple times a year. A few popular examples are NeoCities (also offers a decent paid option,) Cloudflare Pages, and GitHub Pages (SFW only.) Paid web hosting: Paid hosting is generally better for people who are more dedicated to running a site, such as people who need a stable platform for work related stuff (artists, online stores, etc.) You'll generally want your own domain name (like youtube.com or wikipedia.org) which you can get at sites like namecheap, namesilo, or porkbun. Many webhosts offer free subdomain names (like how tumblr blogs are yourblogname.tumblr.com) but having your own domain makes it easy to move to another host if you need to without your url changing. Your choice of web host depends heavily on your price bracket, what you plan to use it for, features you need, if you need to host NSFW content, how much traffic you expect, etc. Contact the support team of any web host you're looking at to make sure they offer what you need before you buy their services. Shared web hosting (where multiple websites are hosted on the same server) is generally the cheapest and most accessible option for the majority of people looking to run a website. Unless you're planning on having several thousands of people on your site all at once on a regular basis, that's probably the option you want. Avoid anything owned by EIG/Newfold Digital. Self-hosting: This is the most complicated option, but also the most versatile. With self-hosting, you're only really limited to the laws of your region and the bandwidth you get from your internet provider, rather than the limits put in place by a hosting company. Take this option only if you're willing to set up a dedicated server and get into all the technical stuff that comes with it. Here's an okay guide for how to get started, though you'll want to do a lot more research beyond this.

[nokingsonlyfooles]

Oh, the Lure of Emily

I've been withdrawing.

Not for all that long, I don't think, but social media goes so fast, so that means letting a lot of opportunities to be "social" disappear into the ether. I shouldn't. I need to practice connecting with people and it used to be so much easier for me to do that on the internet, but I really hate just about everything about it now. It's hard to put what I mean into words fast enough, and it seems like that's hard for a lot of people, but we're doing it anyway. That's a lot of what I don't like interacting IRL, and it's here now. I haven't found a place that's not like that.

I entered into this level of interaction at the behest of a soulless corporation that doesn't care about any of us (clearly) and I'm being asked to pay more than I wanted to give (ex. curate an ever-lengthening feed of more people who want to be seen, help train AIs who'll render me and others invisible, accept a certain amount of increasingly heinous ideas with no pushback to be polite/for my own mental health/to keep my interaction from being nothing but that stuff), in return for much less than what I wanted to get. Mainly, it's so strangers can click a button that says they "like" something I did, and never interact with me, or any other aspect of me, ever again.

It's like that on my site, too, except I disabled the "like" and comment functions out of frustration. The interface became unsustainable and It's mainly bots using it. I've improved my ratio of "recorded clicks that were probably a human being" vs. "probably a webcrawler or spambot" for the privilege of seeing how few people are interested.

And social media isn't helping. I mean, why would it? It's getting all it wants out of me on spec, and it does not have to deliver visibility. It never did. That was always something I needed to "earn." It just seemed to be easier to do that in Web 1.0. I had a message board, once. It survived a move from one dying host to another (which, I think, is also dead now - everyone's on Discord) and I picked up enough people to write and have fun, with very few jerks I needed to ban, and no bots. Wow. If someone was being a total bastard, they were made of meat and I could yell at them and register an objection like a person. Does anyone out there remember that?

A big part of me wants to be a postmodern Emily Dickenson. You can have my work after I'm dead, if you want it. I'll "publish" by printing it out and putting it in a box. Even the fanfic stuff. Interacting with fandoms hardly seems worth it for me, they've got their own issues. And, as for social, you may have one garden party a year, and maybe I'll exchange emails with one guy who says "this stuff is good". We live small enough, and we're doing well enough, that I could probably hide and keep making art uncompensated. Unless something happened, and then I'd probably wind up on the street or in an institution of some kind. Not the nice kind.

And, as much as you [as in, anyone who trips over this] would protest the loss of me to my face - out of some feeling of human solidarity or philosophical devotion - were I to vanish, it wouldn't matter where. You'd get used to not seeing me. You'd read something else. Maybe I'd be happier, maybe I wouldn't, but that wouldn't involve you, so you'd move on.

That big, dumb jerk Nietzsche (who was, at least, made of meat) posited that Sisyphus must be happy, because he knows he's doing what he's supposed to and what's going to happen next, forever. But, really, the only thing you'd have to do is say to him, "Every time you put one iota of effort into pushing this rock, there's a small chance it'll take off and fly. If you're really doing your job, it will, it's just a matter of time!" And then it doesn't. Not just for his whole life, for eternity.

I'm not being punished for cheating death. I'm being punished for cheating corporations - not even cheating them all that much, I don't think, but it's enough. I don't look profitable, because that wasn't why I started pushing this rock. I wanted to make a difference. I'd like enough money to live and keep creating, and to pay some people to help me, but all that's just some boxes to tick on the way to making a difference. And I can't tick those boxes for a corporation or for myself.

The only thing that's gotten me attention is when someone bigger than me gives me a namecheck. I could just keep begging creators I love to do that, but a lot of people do that, and I don't think creators like it. They didn't ask for that responsibility. They don't have time to vet every person and see if their work is actually good or just AI generated garbage. Or delusional garbage from someone who thinks they can create, but can't, really. I'm losing the confidence to keep begging people to understand that I'm not delusional. Maybe I am, ya know? That would explain my situation too.

At least, if I kept it all to myself, I'd be dead when someone found my boxes and boxes of papers and chose an excerpt for their treatise on hypergraphia in freaky recluses.

Thoreau got it twisted. People make pretty baskets so someone will use them. If it has no use, it's neither a basket nor an art object. Someone has to pick it up and use it for it to be either of those things, and hopefully both. I use my baskets. I think other people could, but I know I use them. It would be a lot easier for me to do that if I didn't keep leaving them outside when I've finished weaving and hoping someone will pick them up.

But, I typed this into a window on Tumblr, so it's going outside with the rest. As will the others, for the time being. My words will probably be used to train an AI, and already have been. Yours too. Self-determination is reserved for the Emilies. I do want it, but...

Not enough to give up this painful hope that a rock might fly.

[boreal-sea]

What is the Purpose of Mastodon?

I'd say there are 4 main purposes of mastodon (and the rest of the fediverse).

The first purpose is the same purpose as tumblr or twitter etc. It's social media. It's meant for people to find other people, connect with them, and post and share content that matches their interests.

To decentralize social media. This is the big pull of mastodon that makes it very different from twitter, facebook and tumblr. It's also the feature that is most confusing to understand. I'll explain it more below. It also leads into #3 and #4.

To be a place where you can be in control of the rules. Don't want Nazis? You can ban them, or join a server that has strong rules against them.

To get away from commercialized forms of social media so you aren't constantly bombarded by ads, and your data isn't being fed to advertisers, and so you know the platform you are on won't cave to advertisers and do things like ban porn.

1: Social media

This is the easiest to understand: it's social media, we all know what that is. If people think the fediverse is only about #1, they go "ok but the internet is full of places to meet people, I don't need another website to do that on". And they'd be right! But it's the other three purposes that make the fediverse unique.

2: Decentralization

In my opinion this is the key to the fediverse. And it seems really complicated and too difficult to understand but it's really not.

Imagine you could download tumblr's code, then upload it to your own website, and run your own copy of tumblr. As a bonus, you could still follow anyone over on the main tumblr website and they could follow you. It would be exactly like using Main Tumblr; the experience would be seamless.

But there would be advantages too. Like if Main Tumblr decided to cave to advertisers and ban porn, for example. YOU wouldn't have to stop posting porn, because you're not on Main Tumblr, you're using your copy of Tumblr on your site, and your rules say porn is A-OK. So you could keep posting all the porn you wanted, and anyone who followed you could see it, and no one could stop you (as long as you're following the laws of the country your server is set in obviously).

And what if Main Tumblr decided to shut down? Not a problem for you - you're not using their site, so all your data is safe! If Discord goes down, every single Discord server also dies with it.

Twitter is dying; every single Twitter community and everyone's followings they've built are all dying with it because there's only one Twitter. A lot of artists and other people who depend on Twitter due to the followings and the communities/brands they've built on there are literally losing their livelihoods because Twitter is dying, and there's only one Twitter.

But if they'd been on a mastodon server that was dying, they could just move to a different server and all of their followers go with them - they wouldn't lose their audience and they wouldn't have to rebuilt it. Or, even better, they could just host their own server for their own brand and never have to worry about it going down on them, ever.

Now yes, hosting a website does cost money. And if you don't have money, that's ok! There are a bunch of servers out there already that are running and funded and accept users for free, and most of them have a set rule that if, for some reason, they have to close the server, you will get a 3 month warning to pick somewhere else to go.

All you have to do is read their rules and see if it's a community you jive with. Then after you join, you can follow anyone anywhere. It's that open, and that easy.

3 Rules and moderation

Another huge advantage of the fediverse is that every server can have its own rules, just like Discord servers can have their own rules. Many servers have extremely strict rules against nazis, racism, homophobia, spam, etc.

And the best part is, these server admins can actually enforce these rules because most of the servers are small. This means there's not that many people to deal with and moderation is actually a feasible task.

4 Commercialization

You might have heard "on facebook, you are the product" and it's true. Your data (and your identity) is the product being sold to the advertisers on those platforms. With no ads, there's no one trying to buy your data. The server your are on is the product, one you can choose to donate to if you wish.

#fediverse #mastodon #calckey