#What a crazy episode whew

[hopeful-bat]

Hello DS9 episode 18 season 1 duet shut the fuckkkkkk up shut up I’m going to have a panic attack SHUT UP

#DS9 is insane they’re CRAZY #What the fuck possessed them to release such an episode. What the fuck #It’s good #its reallly fucking good #It’s just making me fucking spiral #Star trek #ds9 #christ alright whew

[freesia-writes]

Lil Life Update for Y'all <3

I've been a lil cryptic or back-n-forth, I think, and just wanted to share a little bit about what's been going on. I say it's not for attention but who knows what motives lurk under there, LOL. It's mostly because I love you all and want to let you in, also hope that it's encouraging or connective for anyone else who's experienced the same, and also I just miss the community I have sooooo loved here. 🥹

I'm a 34yo female with 2 kids aged 4 and 7. I had depression like crazy during and after my second pregnancy especially. In Aug 2021, my primary doc suggested I try something like Zoloft since I'd been complaining of irritability, no capacity, constant worry, and other anxiety symptoms. When I did feel some relief and felt encouraged that I could "feel like myself" again, I pursued solutions for other issues I was noticing. Over the last year and a half, it's been quite a ride. ADHD symptoms led to Adderall for 4 days, then Wellbutrin for a few months, then Buspar for a few months, then Strattera (tapering up and then back down) for about 3 months, then Ritalin for 1 month, which I thought was helping until we realized that the entire month of October was basically an increasingly manic episode.

Whew.

We're talkin 2007 Britney here (ok I didn't shave it but I cut my hair off into a pixie). Spent thousands on a new wardrobe of the "dark academia" style. Bought Disneyland tickets. Invested in a photography mentorship. So much energy and inspiration. Then we realized it was getting out of hand.

I had also been tapering off a lot of the meds over the last two months, so it was just a crazy cocktail of chemicals that made my brain finally go kaput. I finished the last dose of Zoloft on November 5th, and that was the last of the meds, so now I'm off everything. My therapist thought the mania was medication-induced due to all the changes plus the addition of the stimulant, so the goal was to try to allow everything to settle down and see what "baseline" is for me right now.

And it has been frickin HARD.

Cervical vertigo. All-or-nothing sleep and appetite. Extreme sensory sensitivity. Random itchiness. Racing mind. Total inability to focus. And the worst part has been the mood swings.

I'm basically having all the symptoms of bipolar disorder in a rapid-cycle format. It may be cyclothymia, or it may be the withdrawal effects from all the meds, but regardless... It's been quite the roller coaster. The nerd in me has been fascinated by the experiential knowledge of it all, since I majored in Psychology and have always loved learning about it, but the overall negative effects on me and my family have been difficult.

I'm someone who has always relied completely on being highly capable and in control. I find my worth in my productivity and competence. And it has caused increasing stress throughout my life. I've been praying for years that God would break me of it, and I can see how he is using this to do precisely that -- lovingly trying to answer my request to be freed of this relentless pursuit of the illusion of control. He's inviting me to simple, joyful life of trust. The perspective shift is so freeing when I realize that I don't need to have it all figured out because he already does, and I can just rest in his loving guidance and look to him for the next step instead of trying to plan out every possible outcome and strategy. I went on a reflective retreat in the Santa Cruz mountains and just felt so encouraged and loved in the way he invited me to let my shoulders down and to ground myself in his warm provision and care.

But the change doesn't happen overnight.

So in the middle of a total storm of bipolar symptoms -- days of mania followed by days of depressive episodes and being so new at it all that I don't know how to navigate "normal life" with all of that -- I'm also trying to rewire 34 years' worth of the way I think and act. BUT it's a blessedly simple process: the only thing I have to worry about is this moment. I can't affect the future or the past. So all I have is right now, and I can turn to God for guidance, encouragement, insight, or anything I need in this moment, and he is so faithful to give it. But man, it's easy to forget. ;)

Literally me with that right now, trying to figure it all out on my own before I remember I can't and don't need to:

Anyway, this got LONG, surprise surprise, but I've always enjoyed being vulnerable for the sake of connection and potential encouragement. And selfishly, I'd LOVE to hear from any of you who may have had similar experiences. Right now the fixation of my [very limited] capacity is on my photography business, but I've been feeling drawn to writing more and more, and have attempted a lil drabble here and there. So I'm just patiently waiting for the inspiration to return. :)

I have so appreciated the love from you all. I also haven't been as active with reading/reblogging/supporting/etc as I was, and that's just where I'm at right now, but please know that my heart is with you even if my brain is not, LOL.

If you made it this far, you get a gold star. Or a Howzer hug. Or somethin. :)

#freesia writes #mental health monday #just another manic monday #jk today was depressive

[kyberblade]

Back To You (Din x Reader) - Part 16

A/N: Whew. This is 100% my own brain child, as in no show plots. It’s just domestic fluff and fluff fluff and action and shenanigans and revelations and ahhhhhhhhhh! I hope you enjoy. There is no show dialogue in this one. (ALSO! Episode 3 tonight?! And also my return from the world of shadow silence…. We’re celebrating a lot here today!) Also, once again, there is some lore in this that @writerlyhabits​ wrote in a fantastic short, and I loved it so much, I asked if I could use it.

(This takes place right where the other one left off and is in between episode 2x5/13, The Jedi, and episode 2x6/14, The Tragedy.)

I do not own Star Wars or it’s characters. Sadly. But I carry them in my heart. Does that count for something? My soul says yes.

Warnings: Tooth rotting fluff, Grogu being the cutest thing you ever did see, and Din is once again a warning in and of himself in this one. Typical show violence. Swearing. Space swearing. Grogu is a menace. Arguing? Mando’a.

Word count: 17,396 (I said what I said.)

As always, thanks to @grippingbeskar​ for encouraging me, looking over this for me, and being the one to introduce me to Din fanfiction in the first place, getting me hooked. You are fantastic and I always love our chats.

Thank you to @fordo-kixed-rex for your endless hours helping me over goodness knows how long since I started this, helping me come up with SW-sy names, for reading this over for me and letting me know I’m not crazy. And @deceiver-of-gods​ for helping with the Mando’a. (Any mistakes are my own.) (Also, Huttese is a crazy hard language and I don’t know why it’s Din’s go to.)

Previous | Series Masterlist | Next

Xxx

The Crest was orbiting Tatooine, some final checks in progress as you watched Din from your copilot’s seat. 

Grogu babbled something quietly from his seat to your right, making incessant grabby gestures toward the crate at your feet you’d brought up from the lower level. Soft grunts of frustration painted his string of gibberish in his efforts now and then.

Looking down to the box, amusement colored your features. “What, ad’ika? You want one of these?” Reaching down you pulled up a ration packet, holding it between your thumb and index finger tantalizingly. Letting it dangle as his eyes grew wider, darting between you and the packet and back again in a never ending circuit, you laughed softly. (“Little one.”) 

“Here you go.” Tearing it open, you handed it to him, stopping just short of his outstretched hands and pulling it back a little. Eyebrow raised, you tilted your head down to look down your nose in warning. “Slow.”

Grogu just closed his mouth, his large eyes blinking up at you in understanding as he gently took the packet, making one last circuit between it and you before plopping into his seat with a soft coo. He ate like it had been months since the last time, not a handful of minutes, making you shake your head before settling back in your seat.

“Why are you feeding him?”

Din’s voice pulled your attention to him, your head snapping up from looking at your lap as you brushed crumbs from the packet away. “Oh, this is just a snack. I already gave him dinner an hour ago.”

A moment of silence settled between you before Din sighed heavily, his shoulders rising and falling with the effort. “I gave him dinner two hours ago,” he said, voice resigned as his head tilted to the side.

All you could do was blink. “Din, two hours ago we were loading up the Crest in Peli’s hangar. The hour before that we were in the market for last minute supplies, I got him fresh food there. Three whole frogs. He’d already eaten.”

After another long moment as Din looked between the child while he munched away happily, then back to you, he sighed yet again. Bringing his right hand up to worry back and forth against his forehead, the leather of his glove squeaked against the beskar with each pass. “Well he sure was acting hungry.”

You nodded, trying not to smile like you wanted to, everything about this conversation amusing you more than it should. “Yeah, acting.” Looking over at the tiny green gremlin, the smile won over as it climbed up the side of your face. “I've said it before, and l'lI say it again - where does it all go?”

“What if he's having a growth spurt?”

Turning back to face Din, you studied his body language, not sure if he was joking or not. His voice sounded serious enough, but that could just be sarcasm - he tended to do that. Often. And sometimes his dry tone just came off as not so much a joke, but entirely serious. It could lead to some hilarious moments, but right now, it just made your head hurt. He gave away nothing in his posture, sitting mostly relaxed like normal in his seat, so you just decided to go with it.

“He's a fifty year old man. How much growing does he have left in him? Look at him.” You gestured to the tiny green ward as he disappeared inside the ration packet to get the crumbs at the very bottom. “How tall is he going to grow that he needs,” glancing down at the crate, you did some quick math before lifting your gaze back to his visor, “seven ration packets in that amount of time?”

“You don't know,” he was quick to answer.

Doing a double take as you went to look back at the kid, you raised your brows at him, your voice miraculously low and even. “I know enough.”

“Do you?”

Crossing your arms over your chest, you leaned back in your seat, getting comfortable. The way your head was tilted back against the headrest, you were looking down your nose at Din. “Well neither do you, if that's your argument.”

Din’s voice was eerily calm. “I'm not arguing.”

You couldn’t help but snort out a laugh, letting your eyes close for a moment as your head lolled to the side, facing the kid before you turned a sarcastic glare back on your Mandalorian. “This is the definition of arguing, Din.”

“I…”

A small plop drew both of your attention away, looking down to find the kid had dropped out of his seat, had pulled another packet out of the crate, and was trying to make a getaway with it; standing in the middle of the cockpit with a packet almost bigger than he was.

You both said firmly in unison, “No!”

Grogu froze, turning to face you both and promptly falling into a seated position on the floor. Slowly he pulled the packet closer to his chest, looking between the two of you with large seemingly innocent eyes that only blinked maybe twice as they peered into your souls. 

“Kid…” Din’s exasperated sigh made you roll your eyes, turning your focus back on him as you sat on the edge of your seat facing sideways toward the child.

“Din, that's not going to do anything.”

He threw his hands up in the air, letting them slap back down on his thighs loudly as he leveled the stare of his visor on you. “Then you try, oh wise one.”

Making a face at him that was probably childish, to which he slightly tilted his head in response, you did what he asked. “Grogu. Hey. You don't need- Grogu?” 

When you turned, you found an empty cockpit, no child, no packet, just the tips of his ears disappearing below the hatch to the lower level. “Great. You scared him off, Din.” You copied him, tossing your hands up and letting them come down with a slap.

“I- No, you- This....” The following silence was so intense, it had to be something they taught him in Mandalorian training.

Soft cries of frustration came from below as you knew Grogu was trying to wrestle the packet open, but you used it as unneeded fuel for the fire. “Look what you did now, you've upset him.”

The scathing look you could feel along the lines of your face from under the helmet was not something you would forget anytime soon. It was so intense, so practiced, it had to be the second step they taught all young Mandalorians, right after silence.

Then came the third step, which you had no doubt Din himself probably taught other Mandalorians. Turning quickly in the pilot’s seat, he faced the controls, every line of him rigid as he jabbed at some buttons unnecessarily, the ship still floating aimlessly in orbit. The silence was thick as he pouted for a long moment.

Finally, taking a deep breath, you sighed. “Look. Just... Just tell me the next time you feed him, okay? In fact, tell me every time. I'll tell you, too. That way we don't run out of supplies, and he doesn't turn into a BB droid, rolling around here.”

Din’s body deflated as he chuckled softly, giving his head a gentle shake at the mental image you’d painted.

Smiling, you went on. “After all, these are the types of things you should probably tell your wife….”

He groaned, tossing his head back against the seat and giving it another gentle shake as he stared at the ceiling. 

“I mean, that’s the kind of thing she deserves to know.”

“Will you drop it already?” Din turned his visor toward you. “Please?” His voice was somewhere between annoyed and pleading. “I’ve told you, it was just a slip up, I didn’t…. There’s a lot more…. It’s a much more involved process if that were ever to really happen.”

“Well good,” you gave him one single nod in a definitive end to the conversation, and he turned back to the console after returning it tentatively. You smirked as you added, “Because I’m not that easy.”

He deflated, his shoulders slumping forward as a breath rushed out of him, his hands flattening against the console as he leaned into it slightly.

Din visibly relaxed, his head coming down, beskar clad forehead thumping once softly on the console between his hands when you quietly concluded with a grin, “Now I’m done.”

“Thank you,” he mumbled against the controls, his vocoder gently buzzing against the hard surface. Lifting his head suddenly as he took a deep breath, he resumed his assessment of various buttons and switches like always, as if nothing had happened. 

“Where do we go after Tython?” You asked gently, settling back into your chair with a quiet huff of air.

Grogu squeaked in distress from below, so you reached out your hand, a lone packet flying up the ladder into your palm with ease. An indignant squawk floated up through the opening shortly after to meet it, and you turned your head toward the hatch ever so slightly. “I’m opening it for you, ad’ika. This is your last one.” Tearing it open, you mumbled, “Maybe for your life, I haven’t decided. At least for today.”

Din chuckled, making you smile as you continued. “You want some? Come back up here. That little evasive maneuver was impressive, but I want you where I can see you.”

Companionable silence settled between you while you waited for a response from the kid. Finally, you mumbled to Din with a wink, “Kaysh guur' skraan.” (“He loves his food.”)

“Kaysh emuuri epar,” he agreed. (“He likes to eat.”)

Babbling that sounded an awful lot like grumbling began to get slowly closer, so you nodded for Din to continue.

“I don’t know. I had hoped maybe we could talk with the Mandalorians, if we could find them, and they would have more information. I still believe-”

“Oh!” Your eyes wide, you stared vacantly through the viewport before they scrunched up tight and your palm came up to smack your forehead. Cradling your head in your hand, you rolled it slowly back and forth as you mumbled, “I can’t believe I didn’t think of it sooner.”

“Of what?” Din’s words registered just as you felt a tiny tug on your pant leg. Looking down, you saw Grogu looking up at you somewhat sheepishly, his large eyes blinking a bit too much as he worried his lips in a meek expression.

Offering him a soft smile, you lowered the packet down to him, laughing quietly at the pure joy that overtook his face, and the eagerness he snatched the packet with. Not even bothering to get back in his chair, he plopped down where he was and dug in.

Meeting Din’s patient gaze again, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “I know someone on Coruscant who might know where some Mandalorians are. Or at least something about them.”

“How?” You’d half expected him to sound accusatory or suspicious, but he just seemed genuinely curious.

“His name is Nem, a patron at the bar. He works seasonally on some backwater forest planet…. Sorgan?” Din sat up straighter, but you thought nothing of it. “Then comes back for a few months, always stops in for a drink. In fact, once he told me all about a Mandalorian in shiny armor who helped a local village fend off raiders, not knowing I knew said Mando.” You grinned, leaning in almost conspiratorially. “Or that he came into the bar right after him.”

Din’s breathing had gotten rapid, but he said nothing. So after you narrowed your eyes at him for a moment, waiting, you went on.

“Said something about how the Mando had a child and almost ended up staying in the village long term.” You looked up at him curiously. “I hadn’t met the kid yet, so I didn’t know what to think at that point, but I remember feeling kinda sad that I….” Turning your attention down to Grogu for something easier to focus on, you swallowed once, your voice dropping slightly. “Like I almost lost you.” Lifting your eyes back to his visor after a moment, you couldn’t help the sad smile. “If you’d stayed there, I wouldn’t have seen you anymore.”

He was quick to try and fix things, jumping in with, “I would have-” but you didn’t let him get far.

“Din, I’m not stupid. I know you….” You looked at your hands in your lap, your voice small. “I’m sure she was worth it.”

Silence. More silence. It was stifling and thick, and so quiet it was loud. It filled the cockpit in an instant and seemed to suck out all the air, everything you needed to breathe, to exist comfortably gone faster than a sigh. Even the Crest seemed to know, the beeping of instruments seemingly quieted to honor this mandated…. silence. 

Finally something breaks, something gives, coloring the air with the sound of life, the contours of living. Din took a deep breath, then paused, like he didn't actually know what to say. His gloves creaked as his hands opened and closed in nerves, winding tighter each time. Finally, he found what he was looking for somewhere, his hands opening, fingers spread wide, his voice uncharacteristically low and quiet.

“There…. There was a widow. She took care of Grogu like her own, her daughter loved him, and he didn’t stop smiling the whole time we were there. Things just…. Worked.” He slowly sat back in his seat, hands smoothing up along the beskar on his thighs, contemplating his next words. Finally, he looked at you again, his head cocked to the side just slightly as he continued honestly. “I thought about staying….” That’s as long as he could hold your gaze before he turned back to look across the cockpit at nothing in particular. “But in the end I decided to leave Grogu there, where he was happy. He doesn’t deserve this life….” Din stared straight forward for a long moment, his hand clenched into a tight fist where it rested on his thigh. “And I don’t deserve that one.”

Before you could say anything to disagree, he went on.

“Omera agreed to take him in while I left. To continue to care for him as if he were her own.” He stopped, his shoulders sagging slightly as he realized what he’d let slip.

“That was her name?” Din seemed stuck, so you repeated it quietly. “Omera?” He nodded after a moment of hesitation, making you smile softly, your voice low to match. “Omera,” you whispered the name again, letting it settle comfortably under your skin. “Beautiful.”

Din shifted in his seat before he continued. “But then a hunter found us, and the kid wasn’t safe anywhere. And everyone there was in danger if we stayed.” He turned back to the viewport. “So we left.”

Watching the stars crawl lazily by, you let the silence sit between you until you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Nem also mentioned you were with a Rebel Dropper from Alderaan….” Your eyes must have widened comically large as you turned back up toward his visor, his chair swiveling slowly toward you with a long sigh. “Was that Cara?”

He nodded, his head lolling back against the headrest of his seat with a soft thump.

You began to giggle. “He mentioned that the people said you had a very…. Abrupt personality.” He grunted. “I’m going to have to ask Cara about this next time we see her.” He sighed again, his head hanging slightly with a gentle shake making you begin to smile. “In the meantime, we have to get in contact with Nem. The only way I know how is at the bar. He’s due to stop by anytime now-”

“No. It’s too dangerous.” Din’s visor was leveled on you, keeping you pinned to your chair before you could get to your feet.

“Din, come on!” You protested. “I can finally help!” Standing, you began to pace the small expanse of the cockpit, arms gesturing as you spoke. Grogu looked up at you from his perch on the floor while he continued to munch away. “We could make a plan past Tython in case that doesn’t work out. If you're worried about fuel, I have some more credits stored in my apartment - Don’t look at me like that. You don’t live in that part of town and not take some precautions. I will grab them.”

Din rose to his feet, stopping you from continuing your back and forth in the limited space. “Someone could be watching-”

“Then you can watch for me.” You smirked. Turning, you waved your hand for the doors to open to the hatch, Din right on your heels. 

“And what if someone comes for you?”

Scooping up the kid who clutched his packet tightly to his chest, you started down the ladder toward the lower level, pausing just before you were too low to meet Din’s gaze one more time. “You do what you do best.”

Xxx

Walking along the lower levels of Coruscant, the grimy streets and heavy air surrounded you at every turn, and you’d never wished to be away from it more. Having finally experienced fresh air and space, this entire planet felt like a prison now. You understood Din’s distaste a little bit more.

He had left Grogu on the ship, both of you opting to get in and get out as fast as you could, stopping by your apartment first. Din was right on your heels, keeping his head on a swivel and your arm in his grip, ready to pull you behind him and to cover at a moments notice. 

Stopping a few feet in front of your building, you narrowed your eyes at a woman watching you intently a short ways down the walkway.

Din’s hand slowly left your arm and moved to his blaster, but you reached out to stop him, your hand over his.

“Mom?”

You felt him freeze under your touch. “Your mother?” His voice was in your ear.

The woman said your name barely above a whisper, her voice weak in disbelief.

“Mama!” You breathed, rushing over and wrapping her in a firm embrace.

“Oh!” She grunted in surprise, voice strained as she laughed softly. “A little too tight, firefly.” In your peripherals you saw Din tilt his head just slightly at the endearment. 

“What are you doing here?” You mumbled into her shoulder, not ready to let go.

Her hand smoothed over your back comfortingly. “I come by here sometimes hoping I’ll see you.” 

Releasing your mother, you went to introduce her to Din, but she was quick to stop you, waving her hand for you to hush. “It’s not safe for you here.” Her eyes darted into all the dark corners as she spoke, waiting for something. “If I thought of looking here, so have they.” 

You narrowed your brows in question, stepping closer to her as you lowered your voice further. “Who is ‘they’?” Din’s hand softly came to rest on your lower back.

Looking both ways with wide eyes, her gaze finally landed on you, darting to the Mandalorian at your back before coming back to you. “I assume you came here on a commercial flight?” 

Closing your eyes as you tried to wrap your mind around the change of subject and gently shaking your head, you raised one brow skeptically as you peered at her. “No, we have our own ship. Well, he does. I pilot it sometimes, though.” 

She smiled, her demeanor softening for a moment, the tension easing from her shoulders as she stood taller. “You finally learned how to fly. Your father would be so proud.” 

The thought of your father right now amused you, thinking of him standing here, as he stood toe to toe with Din, leaning his head back to hold his gaze. Hands probably on his hips as he issued some absurd warning only the truly brave or truly stupid would say to a Mandalorian. “How is dad?” 

“I’ll meet you on your ship.” She turned to look at Din straight on for the first time in this conversation, without a single flinch. “Where are you docked?” 

He looked at you before answering. “Lower levels, not far from the bar.”

“I know the one,” she instantly confirmed, shooing both of you back across the street. “I’ll meet you there later and bring your father.”

Din nodded, telling her the number of the spot he docked in. Standing back upright, he looked side to side every few seconds as he ushered you to the other side of the street.

“So what, we just go wait on the ship now?”

He merely nodded again, making you roll your eyes as you turned back to face forward, his hand once again on your lower back, gently guiding you toward the Crest. 

“Yay,” you mumbled sarcastically. 

Xxx

As you walked through the rows of ships toward the Crest, silence wrapped around both of you like a blanket. But not a warm, comforting feeling like the one you kept in the cockpit, no. This was nearly suffocating, too tight and constricting, heavy.

“Din-”

“Slana. Kemi ogir,” he said in a low voice near your ear, cutting you off with a slight gesture forward with his head, his grip on your arm tightening. (“Go. Walk there.”)

“Me'bana?” You lowered your voice to match, keeping the slight stumble from your stride as you tried to keep up with his quick steps. The switch to Mando’a was second nature, now. (“What's happening?”)

He hesitated for a moment before lowering his voice further, so much so, you could barely hear him. “Ashnar ru’shekemi mhi.” (“Someone has followed us.”)

“Osik!” You hissed, starting to turn to look over your shoulder. (“Shit!”) 

He gripped your arm tighter, giving it a firm tug back towards him, making you face back forward. “Don’t turn around. They don’t know we know yet.”

Your face screwed up in confusion. “How do you know?”

Din pressed something on the side of his helmet for his display as he explained, “They keep getting closer. No one who knows their target knows they’re there gets that close. That’s just stupid.”

You let out a soft snort through your nose. “Not everyone is you, Din.”

He turned to look at you for the first time in the conversation. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

You shrugged, turning to meet his gaze with a small smile. “Not everyone will do the smart thing.”

He looked back forward with a sigh. “Unfortunately.”

Still looking at him, your smile grew. “I think you mean fortunately. If everyone did the smart thing, we’d be in so much more trouble, and you’d be out of a job.”

“You make a good point,” Din muttered quietly after a moment, making you chuckle.

Turning your focus back forward after a quick glance to your side, you fell in step with Din once again. “Vaabi meg gar vaabi.” You jutted your chin to the side to indicate what you meant. (“Do what you do.”)

His visor turned almost imperceptibly to the right, before coming back onto you, his grip tightening further. “Keep walking, go past the Crest. When we’re one ship away, shoot one of your whistling bird blanks at the panel under the cockpit. It’s still loose, and it’ll fall, distracting them long enough for me to disappear. I’ll get behind them, take care of it. Just keep walking. Whatever you do, don’t look back.”

You stopped moving to stare at him, but he kept pulling you along. “Why? Din, I’ve seen you do worse before. I’ve done worse before.”

His modulator was right by your ear as he kept his voice low. “That was out of necessity. This is-”

“Also necessary.” You didn’t bother to keep your voice low anymore.

“For me.” That was the same tone he’d used when you’d accidentally pushed him on Nevarro and he’d told you to get on the ship, the one you’d only ever heard for bounties. He sighed, his voice softening. “Mesh’la, please. For me. I’m just trying to protect you. Listen just this once.”

You turned only your eyes over to look at him, his visor studying the side of your face intently. “Fine.”

“Thank you,” he rushed out. 

“Just this once,” you whispered as you held up a finger close to his visor, the side of your mouth tugging up in a betrayal of the threat.

He let out a soft huff in amusement. “Keep walking until I come get you.”

It takes you a moment to get out a quiet, “And if you don’t?” Your accusing finger once wagging in his face now fell slowly to your side, your hand hanging limply at your side, feeling as useless as the rest of you currently did.

His head tilted to the side just slightly. “Like you said, I’ve done worse. This will be easy.” The Crest was two ships away now. “I’ll be right back.”

Moving as subtly as possible, you reached across your body, pressing the buttons on your vambrace to lower the ramp, trying to stick to routine. Stopping it after a foot or so, Din moved completely behind you, hissing, “Now!” 

Flicking your wrist down sent your vambrace whirring, one blank whistling bird flying for the belly of the ship. The panel fell with a loud clatter, Din disappearing in the cacophony that followed. Emergency lights shot on around all parts of the Crest, white vapor shooting out from the panel filling the area. Looking up toward the cockpit, you saw a tiny green face you’d know anywhere smooshed against the viewport, his hands on either side of his head as his breaths puffed against the transparisteel. 

You could either seal the ship back up and do what Din asked, keep moving, or you could….

Following your gut with a gentle shake of your head, you lowered the ramp of the Crest just enough for you to jump up onto it, sealing it shut with a hiss behind you. You darted the rest of the way up to the cockpit, scooping the kid out of the window as he watched the commotion unfold below. Muffled grunts and flashes from blasters filled the ship from outside, so you dropped to the lower level. 

“Hey, kid. We’re gonna play a game.” He squirmed in your arms, reaching toward the cockpit with one hand, his eyes darting between you and the hatch leading up. 

Holding up his little round ball between your thumb and index finger like you had the ration packet earlier in the day, you smirked when he settled down, focusing on the way the low lights of the ship caught its reflective surface. 

“I want you to do what Ahsoka asked you to do.” Setting him in his hammock, you took a few steps back, holding the ball up tantalizingly. 

A loud thud sounded from outside, something slamming into the hull of the Crest near the ramp. It made you jump, the kid’s head turning to the sound in concern, but when you reached out to feel for Din, he was smug, making you roll your eyes. He’d done the throwing not the slamming.

Resting your dominant hand on your blaster, ready to draw, you floated the ball to Grogu with your other. He caught it with a soft squeal. “Now, give it here, kid.” You made a grabby hand toward him, making him giggle quietly.

The ball floated toward you slowly as the ramp began to lower with a low whirr. “Keep going, kid.” You kept your voice encouraging, your attention on him with your hand extended for the little orb. Your other hand slowly drew your blaster, arming it and pointing it at the rapidly descending ramp.

“Grogu,” you drew his attention back to you. “Keep your eyes on me, ad’ika.” (“Little one.”) 

His eyes kept darting between the ramp and you, the ball still slowly turning in the air like a miniature planet, suspended halfway between you, stuck where he’d lost his concentration for a moment. “Sur'ar.” (“Focus.”)

Turning your body just slightly more toward the ramp, moving just a step to the left to block more of Grogu from whoever was coming up, you turned your gaze toward the sound of footsteps. Watching as the face of a man you didn’t recognize appeared, you straightened your spine, finger hovering over the trigger, ready…. Then the body crumpled to the ground, revealing Din standing easily behind the man, hand on his hip as he took in the scene.

You, the child, a ball floating between you that suddenly dropped to the floor and rolled to a stop at the toe of his boot. Looking down at it, Din stooped to pick it up, tucking it into his belt, ignoring the kid’s squawk of outrage. Turning back to you, his weight shifted to one leg. “Is there a reason a blaster is still pointed at me?”

Blinking a few times, you shook your head to clear it, holstering your weapon. “I was just being safe.”

“It would have been safer if you had done what I asked you to,” he grunted, dragging the body over to his carbonite chamber.

Watching for a long minute, it’s painfully obvious, so you don’t really know why you ask, “What’re you doing?”

Din’s sigh says he agrees with you, but he answers anyway, “This one’s had a bounty on him for a few years. Gonna collect. Not going to let that go to waste.”

You nodded. Suddenly feeling the urge to explain yourself, you took a deep breath before beginning. “I came up here because the kid was watching you from the cockpit-”

“He’s seen worse.” Such a simple answer. Somewhat crude, actually. It seemed out of character for…. No, it definitely was. 

After staring at him for a moment, you scoffed. “So have I, Din. In fact, that was my argument not ten minutes ago.”

His shoulders went stiff, a heavy sigh leaving him. “It’s different.” He kept his back to you as he prepped the chamber, but you didn’t miss the small wayward glance he sent you over his shoulder before his spine straightened further and he turned back to the panel. 

The air was charged between you, something brewing just under the surface. Your hands came to your hips like his had. “No, it’s not.”

As the carbonite hissed, filling the hull with vapor, Din crossed over to the bunk, closing the door as Grogu babbled. With a press of a button on his vambrace, the ramp began to close, and soon after it sealed, both of you were left in complete silence, staring at one another.

After a long moment, he spoke in a tone that was void of any particular emotion. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say he was a droid. “I need you to do what I ask, mesh’la. It’s only to make sure you’re safe.”

“You don’t need to keep protecting me, Din!” Tossing your arms out and letting them come back down to your sides with a slap in exasperation, you kept your gaze firmly on him. “I can take care of myself. You taught me how.”

Something cracked, his posture breaking down just a bit, the rigidity dissolving under your words. “That’s not-” he groaned in frustration, turning and taking a few steps before turning back to face you again. His voice was lower, full of emotion, too many to name. “I can’t protect you from me.”

Fear. You realized all the emotions swirling in his words came together to paint one singular thing you never thought you’d ever associate with Din. It was unnerving to say the least, and it left you feeling broken, that he would ever be afraid of anything, much less when it came to you.

Staring at him for another long moment, you finally found the words that seemed to fit next. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He began pacing again, hands gesturing with small, precise gestures that made you think of things you’d see a commanding officer use to communicate in the field with fellow soldiers. “Everything I taught you was to keep you safe with me. We get into some questionable situations and I need to know you’ll be walking back onto the ship with me at the end of it all.” He sighed again, his shoulders slumping forward in defeat. Stopping his back and forth, Din faced you, his gestures now a bit broader, looser, but less emphatic. “But you’ve never seen me doing what I did before you came on the ship.”

You were smiling. This was ridiculous. “How is that different-”

“It just is!” His voice was raised, his breathing coming in heavy pants like this topic winded him. He didn’t turn away again, staying where he was, but he seemed broader, like he was staring down a threat. And in a way he was. If he couldn’t keep you safe, from himself or anything else, that was his biggest fear, and the thing he wanted to scare off the most.

The smile slipped off your face, furrowed brows replacing it. Closing the distance and reaching a hand toward him, he took a step back, almost flinching away from you, making you freeze.

“There’s a difference. It’s….” His body was turned to the side to face away from you, his visor looking at your feet. His voice sounded almost…. Defeated. “There’s a difference between keeping someone safe and taking care of a threat.”

“Not if they both accomplish the same goal.” Your voice was soft.

Din lifted his visor to hold your gaze, his head tilted to the side. His posture conveyed disbelief, hands on his hips again while he studied you. While his breathing had evened out, it was still shallow, and you had a feeling if you put your hand over his heart, it would be racing.

Reaching toward him again, you hesitated when he turned his head to look away, but you continued, placing it on his cheek and turning his visor slowly back toward you.

“It’s no different for me, Din. I don’t judge you for any of it.”

“Maybe you should.” His voice was low and flat.

You shook your head. “No. You’re protecting your aliit, what about that could ever be wrong?” (“Family/Clan.”)

He almost began to melt into your touch, his voice softening along with the hard lines of his posture. “I-”

“Uh-uh,” you shook your head again, grinning when he sighed in frustration, turning his gaze to anywhere but you. “You’re good at what you do, Din. Bounty hunting, piloting, taking care of Grogu, following leads to find the Jedi…. Taking care of me.” His visor landed back on you. “But you also need to take care of you. You have a lot of people who care about you, friends, family…. And we all just want you to be okay.” Your hand fell to rest on his chest plate, and you smiled when you did indeed feel his heart racing, along with deep, steady breaths. “So give yourself a break…. Eat….” You both chuckled softly. “Take a kriffing nap….” He hung his head, his shoulders shaking in silent laughter. “And then we can resume murder and mayhem after. It’ll wait. I promise.”

Glancing over at the carbonite chamber as the last of the vapor dissipated, your curiosity got the better of you. “Was he….”

“He’s alive,” Din grunted, turning his attention that way as well. “But whenever they take him off ice, he’ll wish he wasn’t.”

“What’s he wanted for, do you know?”

“What’s he not wanted for? That would be the easier answer. He’s done a little bit of everything. But he was really big on the smuggling scene.”

Tilting your head as you studied the criminal's face, stuck in a permanent scowl, your brows pinched together. 

Turning back to face you, Din tilted his head to match yours. “Why?”

Your eyes flicked up to his visor as you blinked a few times, trying to find the right words. “Why did someone like him have my puck…. and why would he chance it?” You turned your body fully toward Din. “If he’s evaded everyone including you for years, why risk running into a face to face with you just to get to me?”

“He wasn’t the brightest, maybe he didn’t know I’d be here-”

“Did you remove his stuff before you froze him? His belt?”

Without asking further questions, Din led you over to a crate by the chamber, lifting up a belt with a blaster and a few pouches. You took it, looking through the pouches, emptying the contents, grimacing when you pulled out a few small containers of spice, some death sticks, a small flask that you sniffed out of curiosity - spotchka - then, finally, what you were looking for…. A fob.

Pushing the button, it beeped continuously, making you quickly click it off. “That’s annoying.”

Out of the same pocket, Din pulled out a holopuck, holding it in his palm as he pushed the button with his thumb. A holo of your face popped up, spinning lazily in a circle along with the details of the bounty like the price, your last known location, and the date you were last seen there: Coruscant - Today.

“The price has gone up,” Din mumbled quietly. “Those scumbags on Arvala-7 said it was-”

“Where did they get that picture? It’s awful.” You looked up at Din as his visor turned down toward you. “I don’t look like that, do I?”

He let out a soft huff of laughter, shaking his head as he turned back to the puck, reading over the details. “It doesn’t say who issued the bounty, or why. No mention of me, either, so that explains him.” Din gestured over his shoulder with a jerk of his head toward the frozen villain. 

“You’re saying they’d leave me alone, or at least more of them would, if they knew I was with you?”

He nodded. “Probably. There’s a code within the guild, unspoken but still, and there’s fear among quarry’s.” He shrugged. “I have enough of a reputation in both that people don’t usually mess with me unless the price is good.” Sighing he pressed the puck to shut it down, closing his fingers around it and lifting it up in reference as he spoke. “Unfortunately, this is starting to get that high.” He tucked it into his belt to keep for later.

“What about what started all this? My apartment and the Mando’a on the painting?” Floating the tracking fob above your flattened palm, you disassembled it without touching it once, smiling when small sparks shot out as some wires were pulled out of the circuits. Letting the parts crash to the floor with hollow pings once it was in shambles, you turned your attention back to Din, grinning with a shrug when he just stared at you.

Din watched you for a long moment, before he finally shook his head once at you in disbelief. “I think that was unrelated,” he finally said. “That was because you know me. Now that we know Gideon has been alive this whole time, it wouldn’t surprise me if he sent people.”

“So I may have two different bounties on me?” You collected all the parts of the fob into one pile with some lazy waves of your fingers. 

Din watched in amusement as you swept the floor in quite possibly the most absurd manner he’d ever seen. “No, but you may have two different groups searching for you.”

Directing them with your index finger, you set the parts on the crate by the illicit items you’d removed. “Great.”

You both looked at each other, a smirk climbing up your face as he slowly shook his head at you. “Let’s just hope neither one is particularly motivated.”

Xxx

A soft rhythmic knock tapped against the hull of the Crest a while later, making you and Din freeze as you straightened the ration stores after the kid’s deep dive that morning. Looking up and meeting the other’s gaze, Din finally jerked into motion, taking the few steps toward the ramp. 

Hand on your blaster as he pulled the lever to lower it, you moved in front of the bunk space, waving your hand in front of the panel to conceal a sleeping Grogu.

Before Din could say a word, you heard your mother’s voice quickly advancing up the ramp, his posture relaxing the closer her voice got. His shoulders stiffened when you heard a second voice mumble something lowly, stopping just out of your line of sight.

“Oh, don’t start that now,” your mom mumbled, backtracking before she quickly reached out and yanked on someone, causing some stumbling steps to follow her before you saw the face behind her come into view. 

“Dad?”

The scowl on your father's face melted when he saw you, the corners of his mouth quickly lifting up into a disbelieving grin. He whispered your name as you both closed the distance between you, wrapping the other in a hug, rocking side to side as it went on. “How I missed you. We’ve been so worried. Where have you been, nau ki'bas’ika?” (“Little light bug.”)

You froze immediately, pushing your father to arms length to meet his curious gaze. To your side you saw Din taking a few steps closer, his head tilted as he peered at your father.

“Was that…. Dad, you just spoke Mando’a.”

Realization crossed his features, his shoulders relaxing as he nodded. “Did I? I never knew that’s what that was. I just heard it once and I guess it stuck. It means firefly, right?”

You nodded. “‘Little light bug’, but close enough.”

“Where did you hear it?” Din finally spoke, his voice quiet but curious.

Your father pulled away from you, and walked over to stand by your mother. He gestured to you with his head as he began. “She was young, only maybe twelve at the time….”

Giggling, you ran from your father, darting through the crowded streets of your neighborhood. 

You were determined to make it to the shop at the end of the street. The old lady who worked there would give you sweets if you stopped by alone. She knew your parents didn’t want you to spoil your dinner, so she always feigned innocence when they were nearby, slipping you smaller treats under the counter on those days.

“Get back here!” Your fathers voice faded behind you, his laughter beginning to paint his words as he knew right where you were going. 

Glancing over your shoulder to see how close he’d gotten, you suddenly ran straight into a wall of metal, almost falling back on your seat, but two hands caught you just in time.

Looking up, you saw your own reflection staring back at you in the dark T of a menacing looking visor, surrounded by dark green paint. “Careful, little one,” a kind voice warned through some sort of processor.

Your father called your name a few times, quickly closing in, his eyes wide when he saw the man’s hands around your arms. “I’m so sorry, sir.” Taking you into his own arms quickly, kneeling in front of you, he cradled you into his shoulder. “Are you okay, firefly?”

The younger man laughed, and you thought it was such a happy sound. “I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Right in the path of this little one on her mission to somewhere obviously very important,” he chuckled. Reaching out, he patted your head, ruffling your hair. “Be careful next time, nau ki'bas’ika, little firefly. It’s best to go around people, not through them. A much nicer time for everyone involved.” With a gentle shake of his head, he turned and walked away.

“He looked a lot like you, actually. Well, your armor,” your father concluded, pointing to Din. 

You took a few steps over to the weapons locker and pulled out the green helmet you’d worn on Corvus. Looking into the T of the visor, you saw the reflection of your twelve year old self staring back at you, wide eyed and curious.

“That! It looked like that!” Pointing at the beskar in your hands, your father trailed off, his voice lowering to a whisper as his features screwed up in confusion. “Exactly like that. Wait. How did you….”

“Long story,” you sighed, setting the helmet back on the shelf.

Accepting your answer, your father moved on to the next topic. “How did you know that was Mando’a? You’ve never really been one for languages.”

Din had the audacity to let out a snort of laughter from where he leaned against the wall, arms crossed easily over his chest.

Rolling your head to level a narrow glare on your Mandalorian, you signed to him in Tusken in an attempt to keep the conversation a little more private in the tiny hull of the Crest, “What?”

He shrugged. “Jee tinka soong…. nuh'la,” he responded in Huttese, your newest attempted language to tackle, slipping into Mando’a on the last word when he couldn’t think of the proper one in the first language. (“I think it’s…. funny.”)

“Dobrah koona tah seenga Wooky tah uba,” you threatened in Huttese. (“I am going to sing Wookie to you.”)

“Shyriiwook? Ni ne ru’ba’juri gar ibac su,” he replied in Mando’a, completely forgoing trying to maintain the Huttese. (“Shyriiwook? I have not taught you that yet.”)

“Uba tinka Jee joka?” (“You think I joke?”)

A clearing of a throat attempted to pull your attention away, your mother’s small voice making you sigh as you continued to stare at Din. “Did I miss something?”

“No, mama,” with a roll of your eyes at Din, you turned to face your parents. “Just an inside joke.” You shot a glare back towards your armored companion. “Nothing important.” Bringing your eyes back to your father’s, you couldn’t help the smile you felt working up your face. “To answer your question, I guess I just never had a reason before.”

He arched a brow. “A reason?”

“Mando’a is the language of his people, well…. Of his Creed. It’s important to him, so it’s important to me.” You looked back over at Din, eyes narrowed. “Plus, he played dirty and started speaking to me only in Mando’a, so I kind of didn’t have a choice.”

“I did not-”

“After that,” you turned back to your parents, ignoring Din’s aggravated huff. “I wanted to learn because we’ve encountered so many different species and cultures…. I wanted to be able to communicate with them, even just a little bit.”

“Ah, so, ‘Help, I’ve lost my Mandalorian’ in what, seven different languages?” Your mom teased, smiling mischievously.

You laughed. “Something like that.”

Your mother closed the small space between you, resting her hands on your arms gently. “I’m so happy for you. You’re thriving.” The soft smile coloring her features quickly faded, concern clouding her eyes as they fell, mindlessly darting over your vambraces as she pulled back to hold your hands between you.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Your apartment…. It…. It was burned. We…. We thought the worst, then someone from the bar brought in the note you left a few months ago saying you would be gone an unknown length of time. Between that and something about you throwing a lit bottle of alcohol across an alley causing an explosion,” Din groaned softly, cradling his forehead with his hand while your mother took a deep breath before continuing. “The authorities thought maybe you’d set the fire yourself and are looking for you.”

All you could do was blink, looking at your mother, but not really seeing a thing in front of your face. 

Everything in your apartment. Gone.

All the things Din had brought back for you, the memories….

Clearing your throat, you turned your gaze over onto Din, the weight of his patient stare behind his visor drawing lines up and down your face as he studied your reaction.

That place hadn’t really been home for a while now. Had stopped being home the minute you’d left that morning before stepping on board the Crest. And the ship, as much as it was a home for you now, was really just a place to come back to, four walls and roof. Wherever the little green goblin and his big shiny protector were, that was where you were meant to be.

You’re just happy he and the kid weren’t there. Things can be replaced. 

“When nothing happened after several weeks,” your dad picked up the story after giving you a moment of silence to process, “we hired a private investigator.”

At some point during the conversation, Din had floated silently over to stand right beside you, his hand resting on the small of your back in comfort. “That’s where the bounty on you came from.” His voice is low, barely enough to fill the space between the two of you, just enough to buzz from his modulator and tickle your ear. “They don’t care if you’re dead or alive, their job is just to find you.”

Before you could add anything to the conversation, your father came over to join the three of you. He stood toe to toe with Din, peering up at him seriously, and it was every bit as amusing as you thought it would be. “She’s safe with you?”

“Dad, it’s probably the safest place I can be.”

It’s as if they didn’t hear you, neither Din nor your father reacting to your words. They simply continued to stare one another down, your father having to crane his neck back just slightly to maintain eye contact with the Mandalorian. To his credit, only the corner of one eye was twitching, showing his fear under the weighty stare of beskar. 

“Your daughter is very capable herself, sir. She’s saved my life many times.”

Sir? Did Din just call someone sir? You needed to sit down.

As the Crest began to spin around you, the world obviously turning on its head since Din was calling people sir without a blaster to his head, it righted itself just a little bit when you realized the compliment he just paid you in the same breath. 

You’re capable. Capable. In Mandalorian speak that’s the same as calling you one of their own, or it’s pretty damn close. If anyone asked, that’s what you were going to tell them.

And voluntarily saying you’d saved his life? Granted, to your father, that probably wasn’t the best sell, life in peril and all, but! You were definitely telling people about this.

Your father arched a skeptical brow. “Is that so?”

Yes. Yes, it is. If anyone asks, just call me-

Din nodded. “And that of my son.”

….We were so close.

As if waiting for his cue, the bunk door hissed open, revealing the empty chamber, before Grogu peeked out over the edge of the hammock, drawing all eyes to him. Your mother melted instantly, prattling nonsense as she rushed over to him and picked him up.

“He’s like me, mom.” She narrowed her brows in confusion, so you reached into the pocket on Din’s belt and pulled out the ball. “Grogu? Help me out here?” 

The child’s eyes went wide when he saw his toy, and he immediately reached out for it, causing it to fly through the air to his waiting palm. Both of your parents' eyes went wide at him, before they looked at each other, then at Din. “It’s okay. He knows, too. We’re trying to get the kid to a Jedi so he can be trained.”

“There are still some left?” Your mother asked genuinely but looked at Grogu the whole time, her finger fiddling with the front of his robe.

How to answer? 

‘Yes, we just met one and helped her take over a corrupted city to give back to the people’? 

‘Yes, we just met one, and she taught me how to jump on top of really tall stuff’? 

‘Yes, we just met one and she said she can’t help the kid because of his attachment to Din, not to mention me, and my vision dream memory things have something to do with the kyber crystal in my saber and a bond forged in the Force long before the three of us were born’? 

“Some.”

“Is that where you got that?” Your dad asked quietly, pointing to the saber on your belt. 

‘The voices brought me that while we hid in a supply closet and I saw a ten year old Din, a who knows how old Grogu, and a two year old me with both of you, not to mention something from the future involving the Mandalorians, and it all gave me a headache.’

‘The kyber led me to it, and after some vision thingies, I exploded some lights with a surge of Force power, and had to resist The Dark Side when Din almost drowned.’

“No, that found me at a black market port on Trask.”

“Found you?”

Don’t ask.

“Yeah. Like whoever torched my apartment.” You turned to Din beside you, his hand still firmly on your lower back. “I still need to go by there. Get my stash of credits from under the floor.”

“They found them,” your mom said. “That was another thing they thought was suspicious.”

“Of course they did,” you rolled your eyes. “Where are they now?”

“They are holding them as evidence.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Din said softly. 

“What are you going to do, break in and take it?” Your dad scoffed, Grogu squealing in your mom’s arms at his tone toward his own father. 

“No,” Din said pointedly as he tilted his head to the side, looking at your father skeptically. “I have a few contacts here who can take care of it for me.”

Your parents just gave you a look.

“He’s a bounty hunter, what do you expect?” You shook your head gently, not quite knowing what to say past that.

Oh now you’re quiet. Thanks, brain. 

Your dad shifted his weight for a moment before he took a deep breath. “You’re running from a bounty…. With a bounty hunter…. Forgive me, but….”

An anger began to roil in your stomach, your hands clenched in fists at your sides. The room started to fill with a low rumble, and you realized it was the sound of blood rushing in your ears. It was so loud, you could barely hear your voice when you began to speak in a low, even tone. “This all started before there was even a bounty to speak of, dad. This all started because I-”

You're stopped by a tug on your pant leg, pulling your focus down. Grogu’s tiny green face peered up at you, a wave of calm washing over you from the ground up, the low hum coming to an abrupt stop, and your hands releasing at your sides. You bent over to scoop him into your arms, holding him close to your chest.

“The weapons locker started to shake. And a few crates in the corner.” Din’s soft voice in your ear explained.

“Thank you, ad’ika,” you mumbled into the top of the child’s head, taking a moment before lifting your gaze back to your parents. “I’m here because I want to be, not just because of a bounty. When I told him I was coming with him - he didn’t ask - we didn’t even know someone might be looking for me until we got back to my apartment for me to grab a few things. That’s when we found it trashed and knew that I had to go with him, to be safe.”

Din turned to you, his voice still calm and low. “They torched it to burn the evidence.”

Your mother’s head snapped between the two of you a few times before her words came out in a rapid fire. “What evidence? Of what? What’s going on?”

With a heavy sigh, you turned your body slowly to face her, and lowered yourself to sit on a nearby crate, leaning forward to brace your elbows on your knees. Grogu perched on your lap, looking between all four of you as the conversation went on. “There are some people who aren’t very happy that Mando and I….” Your eyes fell to the floor of the Crest, searching for the proper words to complete the sentence. “….Get along. He used to come into the bar every few months, and would bring me something-”

“Oh he’s the one!” She cut you off with a broad smile, eyes darting over to your beskar clad companion. “The one that traveled the galaxy for you.”

You smiled shyly, looking up and over at Din where he’d sat close by, and quickly tucked your chin to your chest to try and hide the growing grin on your face. “Yeah. That was him.” You turned back to your mom. “Still is. The gifts are just…. A little different now. More practical.”

“Oh.” She smiled knowingly, if not somewhat sadly. “So he lost interest?”

Din choked, starting to cough as your eyes went wide, laughter bubbling up and out of your chest.

“No! No, no. Mom. We just…. Like we said, the apartment was burned to cover their tracks because they came after me to come after him. And they’re still coming. So now his gifts help keep me safe.” You traced the line of your left vambrace with your right index finger. “They have helped me find purpose on dark days and strength on hard ones.” Grogu’s hand came up to rest on your vambrace, intersecting your fingers' path, making you smile. “It’s very different, yes, but not anything less, just…. They’ve adjusted to fit the current needs.”

“Running for your life?”

You understood their skepticism. You really did. People only want what’s best for their children, and you can see why this isn’t it for them. On the run, in an old ship, with someone they consider dangerous and a stranger, your life on the line for a few credits….

But you’ve never been more sure of what you're doing in your life.

“Protecting my family.”

Xxx

Your parents had insisted both of you stay the night with them. Something about them feeling guilty about the bounty and since you’d already been found near the Crest once…. You and Din weren’t going to turn down a real bed, there was no love lost between you and the thin bunk pad.

They left to get the room ready while you and Din collected a few necessities for the night.

“I’m going to go get a few things,” you said as nonchalantly as possible.

“Mesh’la, no. What do you need? I’ll go get them, you stay here and lock up the ship until I get back-”

“No!” You said a little too forcefully, correcting it with a softer, “No,” quickly after. “I’ll be fine, Din. I just…. Need some air, that’s all.”

He sighed. “Fine. But I’m meeting my contact here with your credits in an hour. Be back by then so you can count them and make sure it’s all there.” You nodded, turning to go down the ramp when he caught your arm gently, making your turn back to look at his visor again, one brow raised. “Please.”

Offering a tight lipped smile, you nodded again, pulling your cloak over your shoulders as you descended the ramp. 

It was a quick little jog to the bar, just a few streets over, and you stood in the shadows near the entrance, waiting for Nem to show up. 

Looking all around, you saw the bright neon signs displaying their never ending messages in Aurebesh, flashing images of products or faces of spokespersons for milliseconds before moving on to the next. This used to be comforting to you, familiar, but now, after seeing green, and life, space as far as you could see…. You couldn’t wait to get out of here.

The sign for the bar flickered above you, pulling your eyes up to it in amusement. They still hadn’t fixed it. Pulling your eyes up further still, you saw the lines of speeders zooming past above, flickers of finely dressed men and women going about their days without a second glance down to the grunge below. Growing up on the lower levels, you learned that sometimes the best things are hidden, tucked away where you’ll never find them unless you really look. Anytime you entered a new atmosphere on the Crest, you found your eyes instantly pulled downward, scanning the surface for all its secrets. And so far…. You hadn’t been disappointed.

Laughter broke your revere, your focus coming back down in front of you as you saw Nem walking up to the bar with a group of other regulars.

Jostling a nearby pile of trash with a little nudge from your mind, you saw Nem’s eyes dart your way, widening in recognition when he saw you. He opened his arms wide like he was about to make some announcement, but stopped when you shook your head ever so slightly at him.

“Ah…. Hmmm…. You know what, guys? You go ahead. Order a spotchka for me.” He slapped his friends on the back as he started to pull away from the group.

“Where are you going?” Some deep, gravelly voice asked.

“Gotta take a piss,” he pulled a face, gesturing over his shoulder with his thumb, then smiling when they all guffawed before waving him off and disappearing inside. 

Once he was within reach, you pulled him into the alley by his collar, pinning him against the wall by your vambrace at his neck.

He grunted at the impact, but smiled down at you. “Hey, you. Nice to know you’re alive. No ‘hi’? ‘Hello’? ‘How’re you doing, Nem?’ Oh I’m just fine, thanks for asking….” His voice trailed off tightly at the end as you applied a little more pressure with your armored forearm. He reached up, tapping it with one hand as he ground out, “Okay. I get it. I yield, or whatever. Just…. Stop.”

You eased back a bit, rolling your eyes when he took dramatic breaths. Shoving his shoulders against the wall, you took a small step back.

“Are those beskar?” He eyed your vambraces, rubbing his neck with a grimace. A mischievous smile wound up his face, his eyes sparkling in the dimly lit alley. “I take it you found your Mandalorian.”

“He wasn’t lost,” you grumbled. “Cut the shit, Nem.” He chuckled. “Just tell me where I can find other Mandalorians.”

“Why, you got a thing for them or something?” Wiggling his eyebrows suggestively, it melted into a grimace and a groan when you pushed him back up against the wall, vambrace against his throat again. “Okay, okay! Kriff, you need a drink. Hell, I need a drink. Um, I don’t know?”

Pulling him forward by his shirt before you slammed him back into the wall again, he began to protest quickly.

“I don’t know!” He almost yelled, lowering his voice after you gave him a warning look. “I don’t know. Really, I don’t. I heard about the shiny one on Sorgan purely by chance, right place right time, and I haven’t heard a thing since. They are a really reclusive bunch, Mando’s. And I don’t blame them.”

“So you know nothing?” You reiterated after a moment, all your hopes dropping to the ground around you.

“Not a thing,” he verified, his expression sincere. 

“I find that hard to believe,” you hissed. “Your nose is always where it doesn’t belong, in everybody’s business.” Leaning into him again, your voice dropped a bit deeper. “Tell me.”

The smirk twisted back up his face. “You’re so funny. Come on, let’s get a drink.” He went to push off the wall when a shadow moved over both of you from behind you and his eyes went wide as he froze, staring over your shoulder.

“I suggest you do what she says, before I start asking.” You smirked at the familiar modulated voice.

You tilted your head at Nem. “You won’t like it when he asks. Much less pleasant.” You dug the vambrace in slightly on the last word to prove your point. 

“Fine, fine,” Nem hissed after a long minute, reaching up to try and pull your beskar away, grunting when it didn’t work. “I wasn’t listening. Ask me again.” 

Din grunted, his modulator coming right by your ear, but his tone far from something to keep Nem from overhearing. “Before you let him go, I just need one minute alone with him, mesh’la.” 

Glancing at his helmet as it almost rested on your shoulder, you teasingly warned, “Mando….” 

“He won’t die, don’t worry.”

Nem swallowed roughly. “Can I worry?” He asked, raising his hand as if you needed to know who was speaking. 

You slammed him into the wall again. “Talk.”

Xxx

Credits tucked safely onboard the Crest, you turned to Din as the ramp sealed shut behind you, beginning the trek to your parents apartment. 

They had stopped Din before he could lower the ramp, your mother’s hand over his on the lever. She didn’t even flinch when he turned his visor down to look at her in question.

“What do we call you?”

“Just call him Mando,” you jumped in. “Names are something special in Mandalorian culture, like their face. You don’t go around just sharing it with the galaxy.”

Your mother smiled, turning back to Din as she gave his hand a gentle pat. “Well, we would be honored if you called us by our names. I’m Leera, and this is my husband, Dero.”

After a moment, Din nodded, his glove creaking as his grip over the lever tightened. “Din.” Your mother tilted her head at him curiously. “My name is Din. Din Djarin.”

Your father extended his hand, gripping the inside of Din’s forearm as the Mandalorian gripped his. “Nice to meet you, Din.”

“Nice to meet you, Dero.” He nodded to your mom. “Leera.”

Your mother smiled back at him so wide, you thought her face might crack.

“Please tell me Nem walked away, at least.”

Din tossed his head side to side for a moment. “I can tell you he limped away….”

Rolling your eyes with a groan, you continued on in comfortable silence for a long moment.

“How’d you know I’d be at the bar?”

“I followed you from the ship, for one.”

“Really? I was careful! I made sure and kept checking…. I didn’t see you.”

He let out a quiet huff of laughter. “Like I said earlier, no one who knows their target knows they’re there gets that close. That’s just stupid.”

You shook your head as a soft snort of laughter escaped through your nose. “Not everyone is you, Din.”

“No, they are not,” he said proudly, turning to look at you with an affectionate tilt of his head when you threw your head back laughing loudly.

Linking your arm through his as you leaned into his side, you grinned. “So humble.”

“That’s why my armor is so shiny. Humility.”

You groaned at the joke, but looked up at him in amusement nonetheless. “That has to be it.”

Xxx

Din walked into the bedroom at your parents, Grogu propped in one arm, stopping just inside the threshold as the door slid shut behind him.

You stood up straight from where you were digging in your satchel, bent over the bed. “What?” 

It took Din a few seconds to answer, his visor giving you a once over from head to toe slowly, making a smile tug at the corners of your lips. Opting to go barefoot while in your childhood home, you had to admit it probably looked a little odd to go from bare feet up to beskar on your forearms. You wanted to be safe, but you could protect the ones you loved while feeling the plush of carpet between your toes, couldn’t you?

Din shook his head then continued. “I just had a very…. Interesting conversation with your dad.”

“Oh no.” You turned to fully face him, hands going to your hips. “What’d he say?”

Din sighed, walking further into the room to set the kid down. “Well….”

“Let’s get you something to eat,” Din muttered to Grogu, walking quickly toward the kitchen. “Of course you’ve already eaten all the ration packets I packed. How did you even get into that bag anyway?”

Looking down at the tiny face in his arms, laughing softly at the babbled coos he got in response, Din nodded. “Okay. Perfectly acceptable answer. Just next time, save some for us, okay kid?” He swore the child rolled his eyes at him.

Stepping into the kitchen, he didn’t bother to turn on the lights, able to see just fine with his display in his helmet, and the kids' eyes were big enough to see in the dark. Grabbing a piece of fruit off the table, Din recognized it as the same kind you’d gotten on Nevarro, and he smiled.

Grogu let out an unamused huff, making him chuckle softly. “Hey. I promise, kid. You’re gonna love it.” When Grogu still watched the fruit with a skeptical eye, Din tried a different tactic. “Your buir loves them. She’s the one that found them,” he lilted temptingly. (“Mother.”)

He saw the kids eyes widen comically before he reached eagerly for the brightly colored fruit. Quickly grabbing the corner of his cape to dab at the juice streaming down Grogu’s face, he floundered for a minute, letting out a sigh as he reached for a nearby towel. “Come on, kid. Some of it is supposed to be in your mouth.”

The lights suddenly flicked on, making Din spin around on high alert, finding your dad standing in the doorway. 

The only sound for a solid minute was Grogu’s happy squeal followed by gentle babbles as he reached for another piece of fruit. Your father stared at Din who stared right back, not even a twitch of an eyebrow was given, until your father finally gave a sigh that sounded very much like yours.

“Why are you skulking in the shadows, son?”

Din shifted his weight from side to side, pondering his response before stumbling out, “I... I'm not? I'm feeding the baby?” To be honest, his brain had short circuited at being called ‘son’. He’d been called a lot of things over the years, but that had never been one of them. Not since…. Not since before the Creed.

Your mother shuffled in, squinting at the bright lights as she looked around, taking in the scene. After a few steps, she took the fruit from Grogu, raising a brow at his squawk in protest, the arch reminding Din every bit of yours, and amazingly Grogu settled right down under its weight. Shuffling over to the counter, she began to slice the fruit up properly. "How old is the little guy?" She looked over her shoulder when Din didn’t answer at first, gesturing to the table with a tilt of her head before resuming her task.

Din was quick to obey, pulling out a seat to sit for himself, and placing Grogu in his lap, responding as a plate covered in easier to manage slices was slid in front of the little troublemaker. "Fifty."

If Din could capture the look on your parents’ faces to show you, he would. It was priceless. All they did was blink way too much and stare at the child as he munched happily on the sweet snack. Your mother had hesitated before falling back into a chair across from him, while your father shifted his weight to one side, his head shaking slightly in disbelief as he looked at the child with furrowed brows.

“Portions,” your mother mumbled, pointing at Grogu as she cleared her throat and gave her head a little shake. “Smaller portions, easier to chew bites. It’ll make him eat slower, which might help him eat less.” Din tilted his head to the side as he held her gaze, before looking down at the child who smiled up at him broadly. “I heard you grumbling to him in the hall about the ration packs,” she explained.

Nodding, Din lifted his visor back up to hold her gaze. “Thank you,” he kept his voice soft. “Mesh’l- uh, your daughter tries to do that as much as possible with the packets. Insists on hand feeding him if she can, to slow him down. I, ah,” he scratched the back of his neck. “I tend to forget, and just hand him the whole thing.”

Your mother smiled, pushing against the table to get back to her feet. “You’ll figure it out eventually.” She gave her husband’s chest a loving pat on her way out the door before leaving the two men once again in silence.

Din watched curiously as your father made his way over to the table, taking the seat your mother had been in. Leaning back, he looked at the Mandalorian down his nose, his eyes narrowed skeptically.

After several long minutes, Din finally sighed. “What are you doing?”

“...trying to be intimidating. Is it working?” There was no hesitation in his answer, coming immediately after Din’s question like it had been expected.

Din tossed his head from side to side as he weighed his answer. “Kind of.”

Your father bobbed his head in an approving nod. “Good.”

Another few minutes of silence settled between them, but this time it sat more comfortably.

Finally, your father shifted in his seat, relaxing his shoulders as he let out a long breath. “I’m not going to ask you any questions. Frankly, there’s a lot I want to know, don’t get me wrong, but…. Quite honestly, you scare me too much for any of that.”

Smiling under the helmet, Din looked down at Grogu to give the man a break from the intimidating visor.

When your father spoke again, his voice had softened considerably. “She’s my little girl.”

Din lifted his head just slightly to find the man looking at him with a remarkably sincere expression. “Just…. Just promise me she’s safe, that she will continue to be…. And we’ll leave it at that.”

Raising his head the rest of the way so he could look at your father straight on, Din answered with as steady a voice as he could muster. “I’ll do everything in my power to make sure she stays safe and sound. You have my word.”

The two men shared a nod of understanding before Din added one last thought.

“Aliit ori'shya tal'din.” (“Family is more than blood.”)

Your father asked what that meant, eyes widening only slightly when Din explained. Nodding once again, his eyes fell to the table top as he muttered a quiet, “I see.” After a long moment, he began quietly, keeping his eyes down, “I noticed that same symbol from your armor on her weapons. Is that….?”

“My signet. The sign of my clan.”

He bobbed his head again slowly, the only reaction that seemed applicable in this situation, so he kept applying it. “Is it a large clan?”

“It’s a clan of three.”

“Just three?” Your father tilted his head to the side as he studied the Mandalorian.

“All we’ve needed.”

He continued to nod in acceptance, moving the conversation along. “What are your plans after you’ve gotten this one to the Jedi?” He pointed at Grogu, smiling as he watched the little green ward lick the fruit juice off the now empty plate.

Din hesitated, taking the plate from the kid and wiping his face off with the towel still in his hands, ignoring his whines of protest. “We haven’t thought that far ahead yet.”

Your father’s voice had dropped even softer in understanding. “But they involve her.”

Din chose his words carefully, not wanting to do anything to harm the delicate balance he found himself in with your father. He’d thought about this a lot. Since before you even came on the Crest. “All of my plans from this point forward involve her. In some form or another…. They have for a long time.”

The other man grimaced but quickly tried to hide it. “Bounty hunting?”

Din thought for a moment before answering honestly. “Hopefully living.”

“I’ve done a lot of terrifying things, like fighting the mudhorn I thought was going to kill me…. And that conversation was worse.”

You were sitting on the foot of the bed, a hand over your mouth as you tried very hard not to laugh.

“It’s not funny,” he deadpanned, looking down at you with the flattest expression you’d ever seen from the expressionless visor.

“I didn’t say anything!” You held your hands up by your head in surrender, melting into small giggles after a moment under the weight of his stare. “It’s a little bit funny,” you countered.

Din walked around the bed without a word, setting Grogu down near the pillows.

“You know, I get it from him.”

“Get what?” Din asked after another long moment, his voice dripping with a ‘why did I ask’ tone.

“The Force. He's more matters of the mind than physical manifestations, though. He’s what you call Force sensitive, he can feel it more than others, and can manipulate it to a degree, but, not like….” You turned at the sound of giggling, finding Grogu floating through the air, slowly turning end over end. “Not like that.”

Din turned away from his levitating son as if it were just another day in the life - which, to be fair, it was -  and focused on the matter at hand. “Are you telling me he could read my mind, mesh’la?” He hissed the last few words at you, hands on his hips.

“I’m saying he could? If he wanted to? Why, were you thinking about something you shouldn’t be?”

Din’s weight shifted under your question. He hadn’t told you the whole conversation.

“Hopefully living.”

Suddenly he’s transported back to a dream he once had of a quiet life on a secluded planet, somewhere deep in the woods with you and the kid. The kids. 

The smell of something warm simmering on the stove, the peals of laughter around the corner, a soft breeze promising a shift in the weather soon the biggest of his worries.

No bounties, no Creed in the way, just life.

And instantly that dream world is tinted with shame.

He’ll never be able to provide that for you or the kid. And even if he could, he wouldn’t be able to enjoy it with you. That’s not how his life worked. He didn’t get to settle down, away from problems. They always came to him. And he wouldn’t do that to you or the kid.

“It’s a hard life, bounty hunting,” your father pulled his focus back. “But if you haven’t noticed by now, she’s a tough soul. I’d dare say her heart is made of beskar.” What was he getting at? “Wherever you go, that’s where she will be. That’s how she works, what makes her happiest. Best not to fight it.”

“No,” Din finally answered. “No, I was thinking about you, is all.”

“Only good things, I hope,” you grinned at him, your eyes narrowing mischievously. “Appropriate things.”

“Oh, of course,” he teased. “The way you looked in that armor on Corvus, that’s appropriate, right?”

“Stop,” you chuckled, moving to start turning down the bed.

“And the way you tackled that guard from the roof? Or how about the way you just decided to confiscate the asshole’s gun to piss me off?” He tilted his head when you looked at him over your shoulder. “Any of those okay?”

“You didn’t.” Turning to him with a huff, you closed your eyes with a groan.

He waited until you peeked one eye open at him before he answered playfully. “No. I didn’t.”

“You little….” You reached out, giving his shoulder a shove.

“Little?” He chuckled, trying to grab your wrists to stop your onslaught.

“Sometimes you’re such a pain in my ass, Din.” Grabbing his cowl, you tugged him closer, fighting the grin trying desperately to climb up your face. “Kriff.” Tugging down on the material, his forehead came to rest on yours with a soft thunk. “So annoying.”

“Shi par gar,” Din mumbled quietly, wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you in closer to him. (“Only for you.”)

The quiet moment was interrupted when the kid stopped his tumble through the air by landing firmly on Din’s helmet, patting the top of your head with his hand affectionately.

Hinging your head back until it rested against the top of your shoulders, you peered up at the little green minion. “You, too, tiny. You and your dad have meetings or something to plot your next tactics?” You smiled at Din’s hummed, “Mmm-hmm.” Untangling yourself from your Mandalorian, you reached up to pull Grogu down. “Time for bed, ad’ika.” You set him on the bed before you walked back up to the pile of pillows at the top. “Help me get these off? We can use some of them to make a bed for the kid.”

Nodding, Din went around to the other side of the bed, starting to sort through the mass of pillows. “Now I know where you get your love of pillows from.”

“Don’t you even dare,” you turn a half hearted glare up at him. “I love a pillow, not a mountain of them.”

He held his hands up in surrender, a pillow hanging limply in one hand. “It came from somewhere.”

“You’re going to be going somewhere if you don’t stop,” you grumbled, throwing a pillow at his chest with more force than necessary.

Din handed you the simpler pillows as you swapped them out for the decorative ones, smiling gently at him while you exchanged the soft materials. 

Turning to the bedside table you’d cleared, the lamp now on the floor, casting its light onto the ceiling at an odd angle, you arranged the pillows into a makeshift bed for the kid. “There, ad’ika. How’s that?”

Grogu looked at it from his perch on the bed, then at you, squealing when Din came around with a chuckle and picked him up silently. With a few quick steps, the child was seated on his throne of plush, patting it inquisitively with his hands, tilting his head as he peered down at it.

“Get comfy, kid. You gotta stay the whole night there. No wandering around here. We don’t know who might be watching.”

Turning narrowed eyes up toward Din, you crossed your arms over your chest. “This is my childhood home. We’re plenty safe.”

“Not if anyone else has a fob.”

You scoffed, arms falling to your sides. “Oh, come on. They wouldn’t really try to come in-”

“They would.”

“How do you-”

“I would.”

You simply stared at his visor for a long moment, a sudden scraping sound pulling your focus back toward the child.

He’d pried the drawer on the front open, stuffing one of the pillows inside so it was haphazardly sticking out the side, and curled up in its center with a contented smile. 

“Well. Okay. I guess that works,” you mumbled.

Din walked over to the other side table, taking out the holopuck from the compartment on his belt and set it on the flat surface. With a quick press, all your information spun in black and white above the little device. 

You crawled across the bed to get a closer look. “Anything changed?”

“Now it mentions me,” he sighed. “I don’t know how they are getting their info so fast, but it’s impressive. Must be tied into the mainframe here, or something, direct access to security footage with recognition software….” He paused at your confused expression. “They have eyes and ears everywhere.” He turned back to the display. “The price has gone up, too.”

“That’s not my parents. They don’t have that kind of money.”

“No, I know. It’s who they hired. But I’m just confused why they want you so badly. As far as the local authorities are concerned, this is just a local smash and dash.” You chuckled at his choice of words, shrugging when he looked at you in question. “Unless….”

“Unless….” You encouraged him after a moment.

“No….” He took a deep breath. “Unless Gideon is in on it.”

“That would make more sense.” You reached out, shutting the puck down before getting under the covers. “And I take it that means you’re sleeping in your armor?”

He hesitated.

“You just said it-”

“I know what I said,” he snapped, huffing out a breath as his weight shifted to one side, his voice softening. “We’re several floors up, the building has security….”

“….and I’ll protect you if anybody is stupid enough to try something,” you finished for him. “I wear beskar, too.” You waved your arms a bit as if he needed to know what you meant. “And I’m pretty handy with a blaster.” Din grunted, making you scoff. “Just take off the weapons and your gloves, at least. Your jet pack. Cape. And you don’t need your boots to shoot someone. You have a real bed for one night, and I’d feel horrible if I knew you didn’t get to rest your back because of me.”

Din made his way around the bed, hovering on his side between you and the child. He stared at you for a long moment before finally muttering, “ My back…. It’s not-”

“You groan every time you sit down on the Crest.”

Suppressing it as best he could, Din groaned softly as he sat on the edge of the bed, making you snicker. “I do not-”

Doing your best imitation of his deepest complaint, you groaned heavily, repeating the noise every time he tried to continue talking. Finally a glove free hand came over your mouth, cutting your latest attempt short, and your eyes shot open to find his visor inches from your face.

“Would you stop? Your parents are going to think I’m murdering you, or something.”

Your lips quirked under his hand. “Or something,” you mumbled against his palm, wiggling your eyebrows suggestively.

It took a moment, but Din let out a low groan as his hand twitched, his weight shifting beside you on the bed, making you laugh softly.

“What’s the matter, Mando? Firefly got your tongue?” Your voice was muffled under his hand.

Shaking his head at you, he moved to sit on the edge of the bed, taking his boots off. 

Scooting up behind him, you eased your hands over his shoulders. “Can I help?”

Din took a shallow breath before he nodded once, sitting up straighter and reaching for the front of his cowl. He unfastened it, letting it pool behind him into your waiting hands, where you folded it and set it next to the holopuck. Next you gently disengaged the jet pack, lifting it with a grunt as the weight settled into your hands then down to the floor by his boots with a soft thud.

Din chuckled softly at your small noise of effort, turning his head to look at you.

“Shut up,” you mumbled, coming back up behind him and wrapping your arms around his waist, resting your chin on his shoulder. He still had one glove on, interrupted by your shenanigans, so you helped him ease that off.

His body relaxed in your grip as he let out a long breath, tossing the glove onto his boots.

“Why’d you give them your name?” You asked softly.

“Wanted to,” he said on a breath, his voice relaxed, words almost slurred as the day began to set in.

“But why? You only just met them. It took you years before you trusted me enough-”

“They’re important to you, which makes them important to me, too.” He turned his visor to look at you, his voice clear and soft. “And I trusted you from the moment I met you.”

“Then why-”

“Because that scared me.”

You tucked the bottom half of your face into the top of his shoulder, letting the words fully process. Never did you think about Din being afraid, much less at something so simple. But the more you thought about it, the less simple it became.

He was someone who stayed cut off from the rest of the galaxy, physically and emotionally. By choice and Creed. But then suddenly, he found himself stuck in the middle of a feeling he was unfamiliar with, something new, and challenging.

For someone who had an admittedly usually violent solution for everything, you could see how this would be unsettling.

Unable to help the small tug of your lips upward at the thought, you decided to change the subject. “What do we do from here?”

“We go to Tython.” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Even with the bounty?”

“You’ve had a bounty on you this entire time.”

“Thanks for reminding me. I’d totally forgotten,” you grumbled. “But you know what I mean! Now that it’s higher, and they obviously know what I’m doing, watching me- us. I’m not willing to put the kid, or you, for that matter, at risk-”

“It’ll be fine.”

“How do you know?”

“Now they know I’m here. Even the dullest crook will think twice before taking a shot.”

Turning your face into his neck, you mumbled against his flight suit, “You’re just saying that so you can get out of another piece of armor to let your back relax more.”

“Maybe.” He drug out the word in a ridiculous way.

Rolling your eyes, you looked around the room to make sure everything was settled, your eyes landing on the windows across the way. “You know, this is Coruscant.”

“It is?” He sounded genuinely shocked.

You cut your eyes over to him in a short lived glare. “Every room has blackout curtains to block out the city lights. I know you want to stay ready, but…. If ever there was a place you could feel safe taking off your helmet, it’d be here.” You started gesturing with your hands as you spoke, your face a wide array of expressions as you tried to convince your Mandalorian. “It gets pitch black, like the Crest, darker even, since there aren’t any panels blinking on the walls. I’m not asking you to,” you hurriedly clarified, waving your hands in front of both him and yourself as you were still wrapped around him. “I’m just letting you know, since it’s been a while since you really got to spend some time out of that thing.”

When he didn’t answer, you added on, “I can leave the room.” Pointing over your shoulder towards the door, you shifted that way slightly. “Go to the kitchen, take a bath -hell, there’s even another guest room, I could-”

Suddenly the room was moving as he maneuvered out of your grip, rotating so his lower half was still hanging off the bed, his upper half holding you down. He’d turned onto his hip, his hands gently gripped your wrists on either side of your head, thumbs tracing over the skin in soothing lines while he peered down at you from inches away. Your chests bumped one another with every deeper breath, and you noticed he started to take, deep, even breaths with a smirk.

Just as you opened your mouth to say something, he beat you to it. 

“Don’t go.” He tilted his head to the side just slightly, his voice low and playful. “Because if you go, then I follow you, then the kid comes- it’s a whole thing.”

“But-”

“I’m fine, mesh’la.”

“Okay,” you agreed, not believing a word of it.

The two of you stayed in that position for a long time, the only change when his forehead lightly came to rest on yours. Gently tugging your hands free after a while, he moved to get up, but you were quick to circle them around his neck, keeping him close.

“No, don’t move. Not yet.” Moving one hand, you began to knead it softly into his neck, smiling when he groaned and relaxed further into your touch. “You’re fine, huh?”

Incoherent grumbling vibrated out of the modulator next to your ear where his head had fallen, tucked into your neck.

“If you’re not gonna take it off- any of it- because I’m here, or because it a whole thing, or the bounty,” he grunted for you to go on, making you chuckle softly, starting to knead your other hand in as well, making him go slack into the mattress below the both of you. “As I was saying, if you can’t, then I’ll make it work.” Digging in on a particularly bad knot, you focused on it while you mused, “I think this one is specifically from that conversation with my dad.”

“Probably,” he moaned, his helmet basically pressed into the mattress by your head, only a bit of his weight on you, most on his hip. “I was so tense the whole time. I had no idea what I was doing.”

“Din Djarin out of his depth?” You playfully gasped, melting into giggles when his hand came and pinched your side in retribution.

“If it’s any consolation, you handled it exactly right,” you said. “Dad passed by in the hall right before you came back and I could sense the pride coming off of him. The content. You made him happy.”

“He could have told me,” Din grumbled. “Would have been nice to know.”

“I just told you,” you chuckled, your hands pulling away from his neck as he moaned in protest, only to groan in gratitude when they landed on his lower back and began to knead on the tension there. “You really need to invest in a better sleeping pad for the Crest. What’s there now is ruining your back.”

“What’s ruining my back is being an old man in armor.”

You stopped your movements, and he whined like a child. “Oh, because that’s the sound an old man makes.” Tilting your head, you tried to catch his gaze as he turned his visor just slightly toward you to glare, you could feel it.

“If I agree with you, will you continue?” He all but ground out, a little more of his weight relaxing onto you.

“What do you think?”

“That’s the problem. What you’re doing is making it hard to think. So just tell me, please.” He turned his head a bit more towards you. “Have mercy on an old man.”

You scoffed, starting your ministrations again as he let out a grateful sigh. “You’re not old. The kid is old. ….I can’t believe that sentence just left my mouth.” He chuckled. “Or that it made sense.”

“Okay, fine, I’m not. And you’re right, the sleeping pad is getting a bit threadbare. I’ll pick up a new one before we leave tomorrow.”

Narrowing your eyes at him, you dug in especially hard to a knot. “You’re just saying that because of what I’m doing, aren’t you?”

He groaned happily, nodding his head. “You want a bantha?” You choked on a laugh. “Now would be the time to ask.”

You let out a snort of laughter. “So anything I want, it’s mine?”

“Try me.” He didn’t even hesitate.

“That’s not a yes.”

“You’re very observant.”

“I don’t know if you’re very brave or very dumb to be messing with the person who is not only being nice to you, but being nice to you by digging their fingers into your most painful areas.” You pressed on a large knot with extra pressure for emphasis, rolling your eyes when he only went completely lax in your arms from glee. “Option three, then. Smart. You’re a smart man, apparently.”

“What does that make you?”

“How do you mean?”

“You fell for this smart man’s tricks. What does that make you?”

“Do you really want to go down this road, Din?”

“I’m wearing armor. I can handle it.”

And the two fold meaning of his words sunk in. Even if he didn’t mean it that way, it was how this whole conversation started. Feeling for you had scared him. The man in the beskar armor was afraid of the way he felt inside his chest. Something under his armor, behind his defenses. It must have felt almost like a betrayal.

Pulling your hands up to cup his cheeks, ignoring his almost whine of protest, you turned more on your side, rolling him more so as well in the process.

“I’m sorry I scared you, years ago.”

“What do you-”

“You’re right. You do wear armor. And I can only imagine how it felt to have something break past those defenses.” 

It was nearly silent as you studied his visor, your reflection staring back at you in the low light. The only sounds were Grogu’s snoring, the muted drone of traffic several levels up, the quiet lull of street noises from below, and both of your quiet breaths.

“I hope you know you don’t have to keep wearing it for me.” Your eyes flitted between his, despite the visor. Somehow you knew. “If you want to, that’s okay. I understand. That’s part of who you are. But….” You took a surprisingly shaky breath, and his hand came to rest on your hip, his thumb tracing soothing patterns while he waited for you to finish. You had to screw your eyes shut to focus on the last few words. “But I just wanted you to know. I’d be your armor if you needed- wanted me to.”

You couldn’t bring yourself to open your eyes, the darkness so much easier to hide in. How ironic, since you had just offered him a way out of something similar.

The next thing you knew, the cool touch of beskar against your forehead for the third time tonight made you take in a shuddering breath.

“I’d like that,” you heard him rumble lowly, making you smile. 

A long moment passed with just the two of you and shared space before you finally opened your eyes. “What’s going on in there, Tin Can?”

Din huffed out a soft laugh as he gave your hip a gentle squeeze. “I can’t decide which is prettier armor. You or beskar.”

Your arched brows of curiosity fell flat along with your tone. “Really?”

“You asked.” You could hear the smile in his voice.

“Okay. Moment’s over.” You pushed away from him, your hands already resting on his chest pressing him onto his back in the process.

“Mesh’la, come on. I was only teasing,” Din protested over a laugh, reaching a hand after you as you got under the covers.

You looked up at him, unimpressed. “If you say, ‘we both know it’s the beskar’, joke or not, so help me, a bad bed roll will be the least of your back pain worries.”

His hand recoiled slightly as if you had burned him. “Okay, that’s fair.”

You smirked. “I thought so.”

Din settled in under the light covers beside you, leaving the lamp on the floor by Grogu on. You were about to ask him if he could turn it off when you noticed him sitting up and looking at you.

“Truce?” He asked softly.

“Truce,” you grumbled after a minute, sighing. Mirroring him, you sat up and cocked your head to the side. “What?”

“Why do they call you firefly?”

A fond smile worked its way up your face, growing the more you thought about the nickname. Staring at the blanket, you worried a loose string between your fingers as you spoke. 

“There’s not much life here on Coruscant, at least not naturally. People, beings, yes. But life…. No. We have a few parks the higher up you go, and at one point, someone tried to introduce wildlife into them. Nothing fancy, just some basic bugs and stuff from various planets so visiting senators could feel a little more at home.”

Grogu snored abruptly, pulling your eyes his way before they turned back to the visor still watching you intently. “I think he’s gone into a food coma.”

Din chuckled, looking at the child before leaning back against the headboard, hands behind his head as he relaxed. “Probably.” After he let out an easy breath, he gestured to you with a quick jut of his chin. “Continue.”

“What? Oh. Yes. Um.” Rolling the thread back and forth once again, you continued. “So anyway, down here, as you can tell from our wonderful and colorful streets here in the Uscru District, they didn’t do anything this low. There aren’t any parks for miles until you get closer to the atmosphere. Something about the ‘quality of air needed for life’, bantha shit because they could have cleaned it up for the citizens but I think they just don’t have a clean up crew brave enough to come down this far-” You took a deep breath.

“Sorry. Not the point. Anyway.” Din chuckled as you went on. “I was a kid, maybe ten? I’d sneak out on the roof to look up at the lanes of traffic overhead, pretend they were shooting stars. Sometimes they’d fly low enough I could just glimpse their clothes, usually brilliant ball gowns most likely headed for the senate or some fantastic party. The opera house is in the upper levels of the district, so more than likely they were headed there. I’d make up little stories for them, narrating what I thought they were saying, kriff, I was a weird kid.” Your palm slammed against your forehead as your chin tucked toward your chest, trying to hide your face.

A gloveless hand wrapped around your wrist, pulling it away gently. “No. That is a weird kid,” Din tilted his head toward Grogu behind him, making you smile. His fingers wove tightly through yours, and he brought your joined hands to rest softly on his knee. “Go on.”

Taking a deep breath, you did. “So one night I was out there, and I saw this trail of light almost like sparks getting closer and closer. Bobbing and weaving through the traffic like it had a mind of its own…. A speeder burst through the cloud and I thought for sure they would finally dissipate, but they sprang back together and kept going. It was like they had come just for me. They came straight to me, and swirled around me in a single line. I was so still, I had no idea what was going on. Of course my mom chose this moment to let me know she’d always known I went on the roof, and she’d always kept an eye on me when I had. She came out and explained what they were. Fireflies. From one of the parks. Once I realized it was something safe, I let my guard down, and I could feel them. There’s a connection with living things through the Force you just can’t mimic no matter how lifelike you make the technology.”

Din’s head was tilted fondly at you when you finally looked back up at him. “So that’s the story. It just kind of stuck.”

“Did you ever see the fireflies again?”

A wide grin broke out on your face. “Every night. They came for weeks. That was when I started really using my abilities for the first time. They offered me a connection to the Force I didn’t feel any other way, and I was able to grab that and focus on it, training my Force muscles, if you will.”

Din was silent for a long moment, and you were pretty sure he’d fallen asleep until he finally mused quietly, “After Tython, we’ll go somewhere with fireflies.”

Xxx

Tags: @ren-ni, @hoodedbirdie, @rennalouise, @kurlyfrasier, @what-the-heckin-heck, @deceiverofgodss, @littleshadow17, @nghtwngs, @yourcoolauntie, @queenmalhinewahine, @lam-ila, @jesseeka, @come-hell-or-eldren-fire, @creativeautistic, @lemonsandraspberries, @heyitsaloy, @987coley, @marvel-sw-lover, @just-shut-up-kid, @atlas-iswatching, @multifandomsw, @oliviajdjarin​, @eeopxlt​, @tomskookie​, @venusacrossthestars​, @sanscas​, @veralii​, @a-rose-of-amber​, @i-own-loki​, @lil-writer-523​, @starry-supernova​, @qweenrogerina​, @darkenwolfie​, @mischiefnevermanaged94​, @tragerlover​, @pxl8ed​, @peonyophelia, @fullmoonshadowwrites​, @Itsavicf, @professionalfangrrl​​, @immortalbloodhuntress​​​, @scentedthingtidalwave​, @reiya-djarin​, @canvasandclay333​, @fordo-kixed-rex​, @jxvipike​, @anidiotwhoreads​, @sgt-morgan​, @krussyfed, @lupinpetersclearwaterodairparker​, @local-mr-frog​, @itzagothamcitysiren​, @jellybeanstacey0519​, @piratequeen-impact​, @cheoriemoawa​, @crazyworldofsiani​, @luvmeijii​, @magic-without-bloop​, @warmdragonfly​, @ponyboys-sunsets​, @dilfsaremyfavourite​, @hello-th3r3​, @thereaperisabitch​, @seventhomen​, @clichedream, @momc95​, @zanzann​, @witch-of-the-teapot​, @h-owlpost​, @djarintreble​, @jamiethenerdymonster​, @chaimantis​, @nerdgirl-21​, @myloveistoolittle​, @Bellaaaspamsss What’s This?

#din x reader #din djarin x reader #din djarin fanfiction #star wars imagine #star wars reader insert #mando x reader #mando x you #mando x y/n #din x you #din x y/n #din djarin x you #din djarin x y/n #star wars x reader #star wars x you #star wars x y/n #din imagine #din djarin imagine #mando reader insert #the mandalorian #star wars #din djarin #mando #grogu #grogu x reader #the mandalorian reader insert #the mandalorian imagine #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian x you #the mandalorian x y/n

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Weekend everyone :) Whew we are almost halfway through s3 already it's crazy. I love how when we get little content the previous ep the next one has loads. This is Lucy’s first real foray into UC. Seeing that deeper Harper/Lucy bond. Tim’s freak out and protectiveness. Such a good one for so many reasons. So many more gifs I wanted to use but sadly Tumblr keeps me to 30. They need to up that ha Oh well let’s get this started.

3x06 Revelations

Our ep starts out with Tamara and Lucy. Lucy making sure she gets at least one good dinner for the week. I just love their relationship so much. Tamara was such a good addition to the show. Adding some extra depth for Lucy. She is an excellent pseudo mom to her. Tamara asks if she can interview Lucy for a paper for school. Has to do with women in male dominated fields.

Lucy is adorable in her reply saying she's honored she’s asking her. How far these two have come. Lucy says she should be off early tomorrow. Let's Tamara know she’s just doing site security with Tim. It’s for the CCOA. Basically a convention for UC cops. I did love her saying ‘My Sergeant’ when explaining her work plans tomorrow. Made me happy. Yes he is. In more ways than one. Heh

We first join our lovely duo running security checks at the entrance. Lucy asking if Tim does this every year? Tim tells her no but he went with Isabel once to this. Look our boy bringing up Isabel casually. Being the one to and not have it bring him down. I'm so proud of him. Doesn’t phase him like it used to. Not only that but he’s cracking jokes over here.

Saying he just worked on his tan while Isabel attended seminars haha Replying to her question about what they teach here with sass. Tim tells her he has no idea but he's clearly having fun with his reply. Lucy still isn’t used to his sassy side. Her reaction above says it all. You did this lady hehe Enjoy the fruits of your labor madam.

Their lighthearted moment is interrupted by an old friend of Tim’s. He drives up like a bat out of hell. Tim is excited to see him (at first...) Tim is in such a good mood when he rolls up. Just outside cracking jokes with his girl having a good time. Even introduces Lucy (by her first name BTW) to his friend proudly. Shortly after their reunion Tim realizes the girl in the car is not his wife….

She blatantly hits on him calling him pretty. I mean he is. Look at the man. I’ve said before he is sex on stick. Mack notes he only gets prettier with age. He's not wrong...it’s true. Loved Eric since his DOOL days. Was in love with him then as a teenager and even more so now ha So that is accurate. Aged like a fine ass wine. *chef kiss*

Tim pulls Mack aside and wants to talk. Lets him know if he wants to run around on his wife that's his business. But he looks high as a kite. I love the way Lucy watches the interaction. Already in protect Tim emotionally mode. Mack tells him it's just oxy. He got hurt on the job month ago and the pain is a bear.

He takes off before Tim can say more and the look of worry on Lucy's face only increases. She can tell Tim is shook up about seeing his old friend this way. It’s affecting him more than he would like. I think he must’ve been in the academy with Tim. To watch someone you used to be close fall from grace is never easy to watch. Especially when it's so closely related to what Isabel was like.

Lucy spies on Harper giving a lecture to potential female UC’s in the making. You can see her interest is piqued. Harper even spots her before she shuts the door. Cracks me up the way she jumps when Tim catches her. I always love me some arm crossed disapproving Tim. Mmm. gimme. His emotions are written all over his face. They honestly color his attitude for almost the entirety of this episode. He’s not upset she snuck a peak. He’s upset she’s interested in UC. The way he looks back that that sign says it all. A sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach has settled and its not going anywhere.

This next scene we start to see Tim’s demons about UC surface a little. That good mood of his is long gone. He immediately confronts her about it. Asking her if she was spying in on seminars? She can’t lie to save her life when he looks at her. She adorably replies maybe…She's so excited by the prospect of UC she isn’t picking up on the stress Tim is throwing down in this scene.

He chews her out a little for spying and why it was wrong. I think we all know this has zero to do with the spying. That it 100 percent has to do with the subject matter that’s peaked her interest. He is trying to cut this off at the pass. He is not remotely excited about her being interested in UC at all..

We return to our couple reporting to Mack’s room. His wife Beth is banging on the door. His mistress won’t let her in. Tim doesn't have time for this and kicks the door down. Oh my. He runs inside and sees Mack has OD’d. Lucy goes and gets the Narcan to revive him. Mack comes to and is begging his wife to stay. He is so very out of it. His wife storms off saying she can’t do this anymore. Ugh poor Tim. The look he shares with Lucy kills me. The pre-tears and all. The fact that he's upset and looks back at her for support. My heart. This was not how he envisioned spending this day. It was supposed to be an easy security site job that turned into so much more.

Tim rejoins Mack at the hospital. He is so very angry with him. His pre-tears are killing me in these scenes with Mack. Poor Tim this ep is bringing up a lot of demons for him. Ones he truly thought he was putting behind him. Not just UC ones either. Telling Mack he’s not making the same mistakes he did with Isabel. Tim has made major strides when it comes to her but those scars still linger. They’re not gone and probably never will be fully. I’m sure he still tortures himself about his inaction with her. He won't do that again. To Tim this is a way to make up for that. Atone for that sin.

Lucy is leaving for the day when she spots Harper waiting at her car. Now I said when Harper joined the show how excited I was. That her and Lucy’s relationship was one of those reasons. These are the moments that I love so much. Harper is straight with her and says 'You know we’re gonna have to talk about it right?' Clearly referring to her sneaking a peak.

Lucy thinks Harper is there to scold here just like Tim did. The beautiful thing about this scene is she doesn’t. Nyla encourages and supports her UC aspirations. This is where she becomes her UC mentee really. After Lucy explains why she peaked in Harper can’t help but want to help Lucy with this.

Can sense her genuine excitement about it. Even agrees to drinks to talk about it. Hell it’s her idea how far we’ve come ❤️ Lucy postpones her interview with Tamara to go out with Nyla. Harper then gets a distress call from one of her old UC contacts. Asks if Lucy wants to come instead of a rain check on drinks? She jumps on this offer immediately. Wanting to see first hand what an operation is like.

Harper sends Lucy into the bar solo while she spots the tail on her friend. Lucy looks so amped to prove herself. She finds June or ‘Coco’ as she’s known right now at the bar. Sato joins the table immediately after Lucy does. Obviously he is the tail June has been worried about. The balls on Lucy in this moment. If Tim could see her right now he would have a friggin heart attack. Lucy throws a damn drink in his face.

She covers her ass so well and pretends she’s the chemist. Really smart move on her end. Even though he buys Lucy’s story Sato and his guard make them both move outdoors. Harper is waiting in the wings like the BAMF she is. Takes out Sato’s guard easily. Harper tells Coco there’s a tracker on her car. They must be cops. Sato is now the one in trouble saying they’re not. Salonga his boss just wanted them surveilled.

Coco up's the price for pissing them off. He tells them if they do the price hike Lucy better be at the buy. Harper tries to shield Lucy. Telling them she doesn’t go on buys. Lucy jumps in and says she’ll go. That she's already spent her share in her head. Shocking both Harper and June. If Tim could see this he would be losing his damn mind. Well he will later on….

Crazy how good she is at this right away. Harper notices the immediate potential in her. They tell her she better bone up on chemistry. She beams like the nerd we all know and love. Says she got straight A’s in chemistry in high school. Of course you did haha Lucy gets so caught up in the moment she forgets she was supposed to do the report with Tamara. Oops.

Tim comes to Grey’s office about his report on Mack. Wade is asking him if he’s sure he wants to do it this way? Tim so desperate to right the wrong he did with Isabel he doesn’t hesitate. Says it’s the right thing to do. That it’s what he should’ve done with Isabel in first place. He warns him he'll lose his pension. Tim continues on says its right thing to do. Grey doesn’t disagree. Wade then tells him Lucy will be occupied with a UC op today. He is none too pleased about this and quickly heads to roll call room.

Tim acting like a mad worried husband from here on out. He is SEETHING above. That determined strut and crossing of his arms. His whole demeanor screaming his discontent. Anger ready to spill over onto Harper. So very worried because Lucy has volunteered for a UC op and a very dangerous one at that. He doesn’t hide his stress in the least. Lucy has become such a fixture in his life at this point. To potentially risk losing her to a UC op like he did Isabel…He can't handle the idea of it. The rest of this scene reflects that.

His demons coming out to play extra hard in this one for him. Lucy looks so excited when she's asked to stand up. She's so ready to prove herself. She is just excited in general. Then she turns around and sees Tim’s disapproving stance and stare. She freezes immediately and instantly feels reprimanded. Looks back at him one more time and sees his body language hasn't changed. Tim is emanating anger and Lucy knows it. Whew lord. He’s ready to eat Harper.

Before we move on let's take a moment to enjoy the forearm porn we’re getting here in the gif above. Hot damn. Arms are crossed, biceps bulging and his forearms look toned as hell. Sweet baby James should be a crime to be this attractive. But let’s get back to the episode before I gawk at him any further LMAO

The very SECOND the meeting is over Tim is all over Harper. Pushes off the wall and storms toward her. He is ready to tear her a new one about allowing this. Let’s remember this episode has been VERY rough on Tim to this point. It’s like he’s being forced down memory lane in the worst way possible. With maximum PTSD. He started the ep casual, having fun with Lucy. Even bringing up Isabel at a UC convention without it bothering him. Then Mack showed up and dominoes started to fall and haven't stopped. This scene is his boiling point with good reason.

From Mack who’s his friend forcing him to relieve his trauma with Isabel. Having to make an ethical call about his career due to him becoming an addict. To Lucy going undercover which he feels she was roped into. She wasn’t but he’s not exactly thinking straight right now. It's what happens when our emotions drown us. The logical part of our brain disconnects and all that’s left is intense suffocating emotion. Lashing out trying to get some semblance of control.

We also need to remember the last time he was involved in a UC op Isabel was shot in the head. Almost died. His PTSD is crying out in his scene. Harper tries to calm Tim down by saying she volunteered, Grey approved it and she has the best backup she could possibly have. The thing is though no matter of logic is going to penetrate his panic right now. Tim telling Harper she’s using Lucy and he’s losing his mind over it. He felt Isabel was used in her OP and now those feelings are bleeding over into Lucy’s. He is showing all his cards emotionally in this scene. The sheer terror he feels over Lucy going under cover. He doesn't want to lose her to same thing.

I love the writers for tapping back into these issues of his. They don’t just go away. They tend to linger on for a long time. They’ve left deep scars on him. This shows how raw this nerve still is for Tim. Now to top his day off they’re throwing his person into the one thing he fears the most. Lucy has become the one constant in his life. This incredibly resilient sunshine person that has become so important to him. He can’t stand the thought of being hurt or worse. His fears from 2x19 echoing in this scene. About not being about to protect her. To losing her and him having no say in the result.

I don’t think Tim even understands why he’s reacting this way. Most of their relationship he is like this. Acts without understanding the why behind it. Only that it is a driving force for him. It's not until 4x22 he starts to understand why he acts the way he does with her. He only knows right now it’s instinctual and he can’t stop himself from letting it out.

Lucy looks absolutely crushed by the time he says his line about her being used. The look they share before before he walks away. It's crushing to say the least. We all know how badly she wants to impress him. For him to be proud of her and what she’s accomplished to even be in this OP. Tim has always had her back. Supported her and truly seen her as a person. Had unrelenting faith in her this entire time. To not have that in this moment is rocking her entire world.

I adore Nyla for how she helps Lucy after Tim hastily departs. She’s the best mentor Lucy could have. I love these moments between them. The way she tells her it’s Tim’s issues not her. (It’s true but also it being Lucy adds tons of fuel to the fire for him) Lucy feeling stupid for wanting him to be proud. Harper is so wonderful in validating how she is feeling.

Doesn’t shame her for wanting Tim’s approval. That he got her this far. It makes sense she would want that. Tells her there is NOTHING wrong with it. Such a good scene for them. Why I love their dynamic so much. Harper is so good for Lucy and her confidence building. She covers what Tim can't. What I love about it. These were the scenes I was so excited to get to once she was on the show for these reviews.

Tim and Nolan have joined the op to surveil overhead. No way in hell he wasn’t going to be apart of this. I'm sure after that scene with Harper no one was going to stand in his way. Also how else could obsessively keep his eye on her if he’s at the station? Hehe Nolan thinks he’s helping by comforting Tim in this scene. Sorry John you don’t know him like that and his replies show it.

He is gruff, deflects and is cocky in his replies. All things he does with those he’s not comfortable around. Only Lucy gets soft Tim. I will commend Nolan for having the balls to say anything though. The gall of Tim to say 'Who said I was worried?’ Uh only anyone who’s interacted with you since this whole thing started. LOL The way you bit off Harpers head in front of a room full of people. But sure love you’re not worried…

Eric is so amazing in this scene. His face says the opposite of 'not worried' His stiff body language encompassing all his immense worry. Side note let’s not ignore the amazing shots of his jawline in this scene. Could cut glass on that thing. All scruffy too mmm love it lick it like a lollipop. Ahem anyways...His continued annoyance with Nolan shows as the scene goes on.

Especially when he tells Tim about how Lucy can handle herself. Tim is VERY aware of how capable she is. It’s why he’s a little offended in his reply. He seems annoyed Nolan even mentions she can handle it. As if he's telling Tim this for the first time. Like he hasn't ridden with her pretty much every day for a year plus. He's watched her develop into who she is now. He knows dude. Nobody knows it better than Tim Bradford how damn capable she is ya schmuck...(Oops my Nolan annoyance is showing) It’s what shakes him the most with her interest in UC. That she’s going to excel at it and that scares the hell out of him.

He is playing the worried husband to the letter. Easy Tim your feelings are showing. Showing enough that John Nolan who is usually scared of you is commenting on it. John is doing it to comfort Tim which I respect. But for Tim when it's not Lucy he isn't as receptive. As I stated about earlier he is only going to deflect, be cocky and gruff in his replies. Hence his line above. Tim isn’t going to be able to relax or breathe till she’s on the other side of this. So until then he is going to ward off Nolan and his compassion by being self assured. That he trained her so he’s not “worried". Whatever gets you through love.

Lucy acts like a complete bad ass during the whole thing. No surprise. Gets pulled into the limo with the boss and holds her own. Even speaks Tagalog impressing Salonga even further. Writes out the formula and preserves the OP. Doesn’t take long before she’s released and they’re given the money. That’s when everyone swoops in and arrests everyone. I read in theflyingdutchwoman’s amazing analysis in their anatomy Of a scene series (if you haven't read her stuff I highly recommend it) about Tim bailing on his post during this section. I couldn’t agree more I have no doubt the minute she stepped into that limo his ass was off that rooftop immediately. Ready to go when she needed him.

Tim is in fierce protector mode until he reaches Lucy. Then breathes a sigh of relief. Morphing into soft Tim instantly. Only for her. He quietly asks her if she’s ok? That small set of words exposing EVERYTHING about how he’s feeling. The anxiety and how stressed he was till this moment. She nods fervently and his body continues to relax. What follows this is so sweet. Let’s admire the way he holds her cuffed hands.

How gentle he is with her as he escorts her to the shop. He could have put his hands on her arms or elbow like Nyla got with Nolan. But then Nolan isn’t in in love with Nyla…He legit held her hands all the way to the patrol car. I love it sfm. Like he needed to do this to ground himself after the adrenaline rush he just experienced. Proving to himself that she’s there. She’s safe and he can relax.

Then comes the more beautiful part of the scene and really the episode if you ask me. Lucy isn’t expecting anything from Tim in this moment. Last time she saw him was his outburst about her even doing this. Then in the most Tim Bradford-esc way he voices how very proud he is of her. By telling her ‘You did good.’ To anyone else might not mean much. Or seem like much. To Lucy Chen it means the entire world. She knows Tim’s hang ups with UC. The demons he had arise with this. She also knows he’s putting aside those feelings to let her know he’s proud of her. Which is HUGE.

Because at the end of the day this OP was about Lucy and building her confidence in this area. He wants her to know that and does so. She craves his approval and support so much. Let’s not forget she grew up in an emotionally abusive household as well. Parents who withheld praise and support for anything she did. Never proud her. (I know that life) It’s why Tim’s approval means so damn much to her.

Why she lives and strives for it. Tim has had nothing but unconditional faith and support in her since day one. When he blew up about her doing this she thought she had lost that. These three words restore that for her. I don’t think Tim even knew the depth of how much him being proud of her meant. Ugh these idiots. I love them and their slow burn sfm. To round out the scene I adore Nyla’s wink at the end. She is also so very proud of Lucy. Handled herself like a damn pro. I love her so much for the impact she has on Lucy it’s unreal.

Poor Tim (said this a lot but seriously this ep is hard on him) has the episode end pretty roughly for him. Beth comes to find him and rip him a new one. Tim tells her he can’t excuse the past. But this is now and he stands by what he did. It calls back to 3x04 when he was telling Lucy the same thing. That he can’t fix what he did then but would make sure it wouldn’t happen again.

This situation is proof of that. Doing for Mack what he should’ve done for Isabel. It’s awful to watch her tear him apart. But the right thing and the easy thing are rarely the same. Unfortunately this is very true for Tim in this instance. He ends this ep on a low note and I just wanna hug him.

For Lucy it ends better. She makes up the report for Tamara by providing not just herself but Nyla and June for her repot as well. It’s cute to watch Tamara absorb all their banter. I love Lucy’s speech here it’s so good. Praising the women next to her in a way Tamara is revering them all. It's perfect way to the ep for them both. Such a good one.

~~~~

Side notes-non chenford

I love the introduction of Silas. I think that’s it’s didn’t really care about Nolan’s classes SL tbh. But cool castle reunion.

Thank you always to those who like, reblog and comment. Make creating these reviews so worth it shall see you all in 3x07 :)

#Caitlin Rewatches The Rookie #chenford #chenford hiatus #fall rewatch #waiting on s6 #s3 #3x06 Revelations #the rookie 3x06 #otp: doing my job #otp: you know me so well. too well #otp: some things matter more #otp: you did good #tim x lucy #tim bradford #lucy chen #the rookie #lucy x tim #eric winter #melissa o'neil #tim bradford x lucy chen

[part5of4podcast]

Have an unpopular opinion about a BL? Don't worry, we probably do too. Saying all the things you do or don’t wanna hear Part 5 (of 4) is here to engage with BL media from Japan, Thailand, China, Korea and more. We're talking film-making techniques, narrative analysis, fandom woes, while asking questions like, hey why don't the bottoms move their arms? We may not be experts, but we are loud, chaotic, and full of opinions.

In today’s episode we’re discussing the origins of our hosts De and Sinna’s friendship and Only Friends! Mainly Only Friends cause, whew, is there a lot to talk about. Anyone else still salty over that ending? Or just us?

Show Description: Mew, Ray, Boston and Namchueam; a group of business students running a hostel together-blur the lines between friendship and romance.

Where to Watch: Only Friends

Check out the read more below for further reading resources on topics we discussed in today's episode like framing devices, and color theory in film. Along with a list fanworks we loved from the fandom! Add any fanworks you loved as well, give the people their stars.

Listen to this podcast on: Spotify | Soundcloud | Youtube

References:

Framing Devices

EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT FRAMING DEVICES

A Story Inside a Story: Using Framing Devices in Fiction

10 Films that Utilize a Frame Narrative

Color Theory in Film

Color Theory in Film — Color Psychology for Directors

What Is Colour Theory In Film?

Color Symbolism in Literature: Examples and Meanings

Stain: Phenomenal and Literary Approaches to Color Studies

BL Budgets

The Storyboard: Interview with the Dee Hup House director Tee Bundit - Original Interview | Translation

BL Production Info from Strongberry - Original Interview | Translation

Fanworks We Loved:

ONLY FRIENDS as SZA Lyrics 2/? -> SMOKING ON MY EX PACK by @firelise Run away fast as you can by @iwantoceans GIF Set BostonNick by @taeminie Boston GIF Set by @khaotunq Top x Boston | Only Friends | Crazy in Love by stb Boston & Nick | Angels like you can't fly down hell with me by Scodders sand x ray | ''i need somewhere to begin by thanxxjessie “Compared to Boston, you're a saint” by @rabbiitte If Boston has a million fans by @no2tinngunshipper Only Friends FMV | Cardigan | BostonNick by @technicallyverycowboy Told You So by CaffeineAddict94 You’re On Your Own by technicallyverycowboy “Boston was ostracized, isolated and berated to the point that it completely shattered his sense of self” and “Boston and his “friends”” by @neuroticbookworm “Dear Boston” by @lurkingshan "go for it." by @gunsatthaphan

Goodbye Forever (Until Next Time) by Anonymous

Credits:

Chaotic Hosts: Dé & Sinna Beloved Editor: Bones Creative Kingpin: Libby

Support the podcast

#only friends the series #ofts #only friends boston #bostonnick #thai bl #episode 01 #season 01 #episodes

[mrs-monaghan]

Shaz I was watching some old Jikook videos and let me tell you…18/19 year old Jungkook had it soooo bad for Jimin like 🥵 he was THIRSTY. He was obsessed with his abs, his ‘pretty eyes’, he was especially hooked on Spring day pink hair Jimin 🫢 Maybe this is out of pocket to say … but i Bet them wet dreams were going crazy lololol mans would wake up in the morning and not be able to look Jimin in the eye i guarantee. whew the tension was bad. jimin wasn’t much better too tho 🤭 reminds me of me and my first girlfriend back in college and the sex was LIT

Anon is right. 🤭🤭🤭

(Following images courtesy of @ffjj5)

Run BTS episode 27.

Jimin decides to dry hump the floor because.... why not?

I look at that face, that smile and my mind goes; who is he looking at? Wasn't JK sat on the other side? And voila! What do you know?

JK had to have been on Jimin's line of sight as he was doing... that. 🤭

You wondering how JK's face looks like during this? Well that's too bad. Editors took the fan service away from us

But it's okay. I can fill in the blanks with a gif equivalent. While I'm sure JK was probably laughing, I bet on the inside he was like;

Jikook are nothing if not predictable. You see something sus you gotta look for the other and you will never be disappointed. 😏😏

Safe to say Jimin aint some lazy lover who let's his man do all the work.

Oh. Did I say that outloud? Oops.

#ask shaz #bts ask #run jikook #jikook #jimin and jungkook #kookmin #minkook #bts #jimin #jungkook #park jimin #jeon jungkook #jikook sexy times

[captainjoongki]

reasons why you should be watching reborn rich

1. song joong ki in all his glory - you want pathetic old man with glasses? check. you want adorable 20 year old college student? check. you want every shade of acting including comedy, romance, AND drama ? check check CHECK. man put his entire joongkiussy into this role.

2. historical drama disguised as a reincarnation fantasy drama disguised as a fuck capitalism drama disguised as succession but more kdrama-y - you have it all here folks we got a messy ass family fighting to become their dad’s heir and a badass female prosecutor who wants everyone jailed and a man switching bodies and going back in time like WHEW you won’t ever be bored

3. three YES THREE episodes a week - the writer said more crack cocaine for everyone yes sir 🫡

4. just like really good acting all over - they put up a sign in the jtbc lawn and said only bitches who can act are allowed here and everyone else was shown the door

5. a big ol’ mystery and plot that’ll have you looking like that one conspiracy theory meme (you know it) - what is better than having your brain cells firing at max speed while trying to piece together how exactly all this shit will go down?

in summary, you should be a cool kid and tune in for this craziness or just tune in to see joong ki being sexy. i won’t judge. you might also have to watch it ill3g@lly but again, the drama says FUCK THE RICH, so it’ll just be carrying out its message if you do 🤷🏻‍♀️

#kdrama #reborn rich #song joong ki

[mickimagnum]

Devin's Dude Ranch: Episode Seven

*the episode opens with a shot of Devin in her bedroom. she's getting ready for the cocktail hour event that's about to begin*

Devin (voice-over): "I'm really nervous for tonight. It's the first elimination, and going into tonight, I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do yet. Some of the connections are stronger than others, but there are others that aren't where I want them to be at this point. So, there's a lot riding on this Cocktail Hour."

*the next shot opens with the contestants lined up in front of the show's host, Venessa Jeong, and Devin.*

Venessa: "Welcome to the first Cocktail Hour, everyone. The purpose of tonight's event is to have some time with Devin before the elimination later tonight."

Venessa (continues): "Unlike other group events, Devin will be approaching you first. So, be patient. But, also make sure to use your time with her wisely because this will be the last chance you get to convince her why you should stay. Otherwise, enjoy. And I'll see you all at the Rose Ceremony."

*Venessa leaves and the group begins to mill about the space as Devin approaches the first contestant*

Devin: "Hi, Albert. Do you want to go somewhere more private to talk?"

*Albert smiles at her nervously*

Albert: "Absolutely."

*Devin leads him to a secluded nook*

Devin: "So how are you? We haven't gotten to spend a lot of time together this week."

*Albert nods solemnly*

Albert: "I know. It's my biggest regret right now. I wish I had made more of an effort during the group date. No excuses. I should have tried harder."

Devin: "I appreciate that. Because we don't have a lot of time here together, so if you're serious about this, you're going to need to step up," *she looks up at him and smiles* "And I want you to. Because I feel like we have a good connection."

*Albert's expression remains serious, but he's fighting a smile*

Albert: "Absolutely. I want to be here. You're amazing and I definitely see something developing between us."

*Albert then takes Devin's hands and looks into her eyes*

Albert (continues): "You have my word, I'm in this 100%. I will do better."

Devin: "Okay. Thank you. That's what I wanted to hear."

*Albert kisses her hands*

Albert: "I mean it."

Devin (teasingly): "You better."

*Albert laughs*

Albert: "I do. I want to walk away from this as your man."

Albert, in diary room: "I really *bleep*ed up this week. I guess I rested on my laurels because our earlier connection was so strong and didn't push as hard as I should have this week. *Bleep*, I hope I didn't screw this up with Devin. Talk about an epic failure..."

*the next shot opens with Devin approaching Stan*

Devin: "Hey cowboy. You want to get out of here?"

*Stan grins*

Stan: "I've never wanted to hear those words more in my life."

*as Devin is leading him away, she says:*

Devin: "Calm down. We're just going to have a chat."

*Stan chuckles*

*once they're in the library, Devin says:*

Devin: "Stan, you've said it yourself that you know we don't have a lot of time to get to know each other. And because it's elimination night and I really like you, I need to completely honest here. I'm not sure if our connection is romantic at all or if we just make really great friends. Not to sound like a high-school girl, but do you even like me?"

*Stan rocks back on his heels and looks stunned for a moment*

Stan: "Whew, what a surprise! I apologize, Devin, if I've done something that's made you feel that way. Truth be told, I'm crazy about you. I think maybe part of what you're pickin' up on is hard it is for me to be in here with all these other guys. It gets me in my head a bit."

Devin: "Wait. You're holding back because you're jealous?"

*Stan rubs the back of his neck*

Stan: "Well, in the plainest of terms, yessum."

*Devin takes a step closer*

Devin: "Do you want to stay? Even if it means being in here with them?"

Stan: "Yes. After our date last night, I realized I was going to fight until the bitter end because ending up with you would be worth all the blood, sweat, and tears."

Devin: "Well, I hope it doesn't come to that..."

Stan: "If it did, it would still be worth it."

Devin: "You really feel that way?"

*Now Stan takes a step closer"

Stan: "I do."

Devin: "Pinky swear?"

*Devin winks and holds out her pinky*

*Stan grins and links his pinky with hers*

*he then pulls her against him and locks her in a sweet and tender kiss*

Stan, in the diary room: "She thought I didn't like her? That one hurts me. Especially when I am crazy about her. She's an amazing woman and I'd be one lucky S.O.B. if she were to give me a chance after this. Getting to kiss her sure was nice, though. If I go out, at least it will be on one hell of a high note. I sure I hope I don't get sent home though."

*after leaving Stan, Devin now approaches Houston, who grins as soon as he sees her*

Houston: "Good evening, beautiful."

*Devin returns his smile and blushes*

Devin: "Would you like to have our talk?"

Houston: "I would love to. Lead the way."

*Devin takes Houston into her room. they stand in front of a roaring fireplace*

Houston: "Watcher, you look...breathtaking."

*Devin blushes again*

Devin: "You clean up pretty nice yourself."

*Smiles and glances down at the floor*

Houston: "Thank you."

Devin: "So, I think I know the answer, but I'm going to ask anyway. Do you still want to be here, Houston?"

*His eyes burn into hers*

Houston: "Absolutely. Wild horses couldn't drag me away. I know what I want. And what I want is you."

Devin: "Oh..."

*Houston now grabs her at her waist and pulls her against him and begins slowly kissing along her neck, making his way up to her ear where he whispers something the microphones can't pick up. Devin giggles in reply. they then share an intense moment of eye contact before he kisses her passionately.*

Houston, in diary room: "I've never been so sure of anything in my life as I am about how I want to be with Devin. Every moment I spend with her feels right, and every second without her feels like agony. I don't think there's any reason for her to send me home tonight, but if she did, my world would be shattered."

*the next shot opens with Devin walking over to Milo*

Devin: "Hi, Milo. Are you ready for our chat?"

*Milo looks visibly ill*

Milo (squeaks): "Yes."

*Devin leads him onto the front porch*

Devin: "Milo. I want to be completely honest with you, okay? I do like you, and I do see some potential between us. You're a very sweet guy, which is rare, believe me. But, I do worry that we're in different places in our lives. And I know you're only a few years younger than me, but at times it does feel too young. Those are my main concerns. What are your thoughts?"

*the camera cuts to Milo who looks paler than usual*

Milo: "I, uh," *swallows hard* "I guess I understand. I mean, I've made pretty poor choices in how I've approached you this whole competition. That's my fault. And I apologize for all of it. I guess my inexperience in the romance department is really showing, huh?"

*Devin smiles at him reassuringly*

Devin: "I've never been in a serious relationship, either. But, yes. Poor choices have been made and I'm afraid it's gotten in the way our connection. I feel like they've gotten you in your head and things aren't where I want them to be between us. But, do you want to be here, Milo?"

*Milo looked in her eyes pleadingly*

Milo: "More than anything."

*Devin nods, her expression contemplative*

Devin: "Thank you for being honest with me."

Milo: "I will always be honest with you, Devin."

*He then takes her hand and kisses it.*

Milo, in diary room: "This is bad. This is really, really bad. I might be going home tonight. And all because I'm a dumb*bleep* and made a bunch of stupid decisions. I don't want to go home. I'm not ready. I still have so much to prove to Devin. I hope she gives me another chance."

*Devin finally approaches Handra who was beginning to look nervous*

Devin: "Last but certainly not least. You ready?"

*Handra greets her with a nervous smile*

Handra: "For you? Always."

*the pair head out back and stand next to the pool*

Handra: "You look so beautiful tonight."

*Devin smiles up at him*

Devin: "Thank you. You also look really nice."

*Handra smiles*

Handra: "It's so good to get some time with you again. Even, under the circumstances."

Devin: "I think you and I both know you don't have anything to worry about."

*Handra looks genuinely relieved*

*Devin cocks an eyebrow*

Devin: "What? You seriously thought I was going to send you home?"

Handra: "I mean, not really, but that worry is always there."

Devin: "Well, you do still want to be here?"

Handra: "1000%, with every fiber of my being!"

Devin: "Good. Then you don't have anything to worry about...this week."

*she then grins, and Handra can't help but do the same*

Handra: "I better stay on my A-game."

Devin: "Yeah, you better."

*Handra and Devin then enter into an embrace and kiss*

Handra, in diary room: "It feels so good to hear that I'm definitely getting a rose this week. I can't imagine going home after the date we had. I'm really starting to care about his woman. She's incredible. I'm not willing to walk away yet."

Devin, in diary room: "So far tonight has been one of the most difficult of this whole experience. I did get some clarity with some of the guys, but others, I feel like it just made things more confusing. I still don't know what I'm going to do. Watcher, what the hell am I going to do?"

Albert submitted by @bakersimmer James "Stan" submitted by @natolesims Houston submitted by @invisiblequeen Milo submitted by @belsasim Handra submitted by @bloomingkyras

PREVIOUS | NEXT

#devinsduderanch #devin delaney #venessa jeong #houston bloom #handra diaz #albert robins #james stanford #milo penn #sims 4 bachelorette #sims 4 bachelorette challenge #echo valley ranch #chestnut ridge #sims 4 horse ranch #simblr #the sims 4 #sims community #ts4 #sims 4 love story #sims 4 story #sims 4 screenshots

[chuckwon]

Here's Why I Want A Chuck Won Plot For The Sequel

Not to go the off about this on a random Saturday night or anything, but I have not stopped internally vibrating since the SPNWIN finale because the potential for a Chuck Won sequel plot line feels so implied and therefore so close I can taste it. I know that there are several people who don't like it as an explanation for the ending of season 15, and/or several people who don't like the idea of it being used as a sequel plot in the future. So I would just like to talk about why I, personally, am passionate about wanting them to use this particular avenue to move forward.

I'll likely unavoidably repeat some of the things I've said before elsewhere but... fuck it, I'm in my feelings, I want to get this out. Rambling on or whatever.

For the sake of clarity, here's a reminder of the POV I'm writing from: A) that Chuck's victory is canonically what was deliberately written as the plot of season 15, B) that it's meant to be noticeable and pointed out as tragic, and C) that even if you argue about the semantics of the literal order of events in the plot that add up to that result, Chuck's victory in some fashion is still the byproduct of the story's final execution.

The thing that I feel can and does get lost in a lot of fandom discussions about this concept is... D) the fact that Chuck winning is an allegory for and commentary on censorship.

I will go back to that. Follow me here.

With SPNWIN as a whole and especially the season one finale, we have already gotten step one of something incredibly subversive: it culminated very loudly in making it clearly canonical that Dean is some semblance of trapped. He is not happy, he is not at peace, he is not done. These are things that many of us in fandom who have brains all already kind of knew and took for granted, because we understand this story and this character and so we understand that 15x20 was not a good ending. But when you step back, what SPNWIN just established is actually a Big Deal in comparison to the fake veneer of happiness that 15x20 was (supposedly) trying to sell to us–and that it did indeed effectively sell to a large number of casual viewers.

Now, here we have canon openly demonstrating that Dean's ending was not okay, in general or to him. Objectively that wasn’t necessarily the case previously with 15x20 alone, but now it is the case.

That is a how-the-turntables level of redefinition of 15x20 in canon. Those crazy bastards fucking did it. They gave Dean Winchester back his agency and had him tell us for 13 episodes that the finale was inarguably Bad, and then they showed his sad grieving self still pining for his happy ending and his angel. That's fucking wild!!! Oh my God!!!

Whew. Okay, anyway:

So SPNWIN has made it clear that The Finale Was Bad, that Dean still needs and wants his happy ending, and that he knows what that happy ending should look like–as demonstrated in this whole hall of mirrors show, through the healing/romance/hope/future we witness the cast of The Winchesters getting to have.

If they stick with that vibe moving forward (which they may not. Continuity could get tossed), to me it then wouldn't make sense if they tried to move forward with any kind of sequel plot or angle that tries to say "okay, now Dean really will Find Peace And Be Done In Heaven." Because they seem to have made it clear that Dean doesn't want that. He wants out! He is fucking around and finding out!

To me, the next logical question to tackle in the plot as part of getting Dean back in the game would be this:

Why did those bad things happen to Dean in the finale?

Look, they don't have to answer that question with a plot-driven reason, obviously. They can go with the (boring) angle of nihilism that's basically like "Yeah Dean died and it sucked, but shit happens and that’s part of free will. It was an unlucky situation :/ he should get another chance at life though!" Or they can absolutely do something totally wacky and out of left field to explain lmfao. (I mean, hell, the Akrida were out of left field and that was only lessened when they tied them back to Chuck.)

Orrrrr.

They could go with a plot that's SOMETHING along the lines of explaining how Dean’s death and the fracturing of their family feels like an injustice to him because it is, and that shit did not just Happen, and that it wasn’t just arbitrary bad luck but rather he didn’t get his happy ending because Something Else was going on pulling the strings at least a little bit.

In that sense, Chuck- / Jack-related fuckery feels like the next natural through-line to me. I'm aware I'm heavily biased, but I want them to go all in on that angle so badly, and the point of this post (yes, there is a point!) is that I want to tell you why I want that.

The strength in the potential of an explicit Chuck won storyline in a continuation–other than the fact that it would be damn good television–is that, if done correctly, it would explain why the ending of season 15 sucked in the first place. And it would explain it not only in-narrative but also out-of-narrative.

Chuck exists to act as allegory, and that's what has always made this concept so significant, subversive, and compelling. Chuck's function and purpose is to be an allegory for producers and/or network executives, and thus the function and purpose behind a Chuck won storyline is to reveal the controlling forces of those figures. And because Chuck is the personification of the Original Creator's intentions that the characters are trying to supersede and defy, the fact that at the end of season 15 they do not get to grow beyond those intentions–aka the fact that Chuck wins and they don't get their full freedom–is indicative of the fact that the characters were not "free" or allowed to defy the Original Creator's real-world intentions either.

The idea that Chuck won is not simply a fun view on why the finale sucks or a fun plot idea for the future. It's because Supernatural is a censored queer text and higher forces won largely because Destiel was not allowed to be explicitly reciprocal. A pillar of the argument is that there could be no happy ending without Destiel; reciprocal Destiel was not allowed, and so the characters had to lose.

That is still the state of canon right now. Chuck's victory is amongst the many threads season 15 left dangling to potentially pick up and play with moving forward, and they don't HAVE to pick that thread up and make it into a central plot for a continuation. But if they do... Man. If they do, it would open the ending of season 15 to further examination for anyone who cares enough to pay attention to it, and that would also open up commentary on the censorship that caused it in the first place.

Here's what I mean:

SPNWIN has left us in a place consistent with 15x19, seemingly further highlighting that something is wrong with Jack. That's huge. Whether that "something" is Chuck possessing him or–potentially more likely–that the God power Jack absorbed has corrupted him, the point is that Jack needs to be freed because Chuck's influence endures.

Making the Akrida into a Chuck fail safe has already leaned into that idea, in a way. Even if Chuck is "gone," his influence wasn't gone entirely. The characters were not fully and entirely free from Chuck's lasting effects on the universe that they inhabit.

But now with the destruction of the Akrida, those effects are supposedly gone. But what if they actually aren't gone completely? What if something is wrong with Jack? What could that mean for Dean's story specifically and the happy ending he still wants and needs?

Apply that to the allegory: if Chuck's power has possessed or corrupted Jack, then Chuck's enduring influence that the characters still have to wrestle with becomes about the enduring influence of industry censorship.

It's then about the insidiousness of the forces that make it difficult for writers to let their stories and characters grow out of what was originally meant for them, especially when those stories are not meant to be queer narratives and yet are molded to have queerness centralized. It's about saying... you (the writers + characters) thought you'd be able to get free but you couldn't; you thought you could write the happy ending but you still haven't gotten to. How have higher forces twisted and shaped things into something unrecognizable? How do you make it back from that and rid the story of that negative influence once and for all?

Hypothetically, examining what Chuck's enduring influence fucked up in the story would then have to examine what censorship fucked up in real life. If they have to break out and return to reality, what does that look like? What is revealed? Dean and Cas could not reunite because their love was real and threatened Chuck's enforced unreality. Dean died and Sam got an apple pie life because that was always part of the ending Chuck wanted to see. Jack was taken over and/or corrupted by God power as part of Chuck's plan because he was powerful enough to help unite them all as a family, which threatened the classic "brothers only" focus of Chuck's story. Chuck's power was still personified in Jack and influencing the outcomes and that's why all of this tragedy occurred. They have to reunite, break the cycle, heal their family, and save Jack while getting rid of that personified God power once and for all, releasing it back into their universe so that power is now in everyone/everything rather than concentrated in overseeing forces threatening their freedom.

And when Chuck is an allegory for the censoring forces in real life... for anyone who cares to engage their brain cells, this could then make it abundantly clear(er) that the end of season 15 was not simply ~bad writing~ or ~cowardice~. It would retroactively redeem, explain, and redefine Supernatural's original "ending" as a backed-into-a-corner narrative gamble embedded with the ability to shine light on the source of its problems, the hope that in the future the story could be continued, and the keys to give the characters justice especially in regards to the queer narrative.

You can look me in the eyes and tell me you don't think that would absolutely rock, but then I will have to simply agree to disagree with you.

Because I would very much like to fucking see it.

It is literally ALL RIGHT THERE. It's THERE, it's so close, and this story could reach its highest potential and make several lasting, impressive points in the cultural realm for anyone who gets their heads out of their ass and stops ridiculing it or stops layering their interest in it under 1000 levels of irony long enough to look at how special it is!!!

[shakes the table with my hands]

AAAAAAAA

Okay, sorry, I'm devolving. But in conclusion: I want this. And though the prequel seems to be hinting towards it (QUITE LOUDLY), there is of course absolutely zero guarantee that any mysterious future sequel would go in that direction for several reasons, let alone the fact that it's objectively a ballsy as hell approach to take.

I still want to write a very long meta about The Winchesters' overall themes and its Chuck won propaganda (lol), so uhhh I reserve the right to plagiarize myself in the future from this post for that purpose. But I had to get this specific thought out sooner rather than later because, to be honest, I am simply going bananas.

JENSEN ACKLES, GIVE ME ONE PHONE CALL WITH YOU LOCKED UNDER AN NDA. PLEASE. PERCEIVE THE VISION.

#chuck won meta #the winchesters #spnwin meta #chuck won theory #the winchesters meta #I'm insane but it's fine. it's 12:46am and we lose an hour because of the time change tonight. things are fine. #my meta #I shouldn't post this tonight but fuck it I'll self-reblog tomorrow

[magnoliapromenadegalleria]

Some thoughts and some theories. Thories if you will.

Boston is not narcissistic but deeply insecure and gains confidence from his sexual conquests. He doesn't think he's better than his friends. He might be jealous of them because he thinks that they have qualities that he lacks, so he finds ways to justify why they aren't so great to feel better about himself. He likes to have control because he may feel powerless in other aspects of his life e.g dad being a politician so he can't move as freely as he'd wish. His life is, funny enough, under a lens.

The reason why Mew may be reading as manipulative to viewers, not all but a healthy amount, could be a mix of us not knowing much about him and the fact that he is dealing with a guy who we know had sex with his friend behind his back, and has been keeping it from him just feels so unbelievable. We refuse to believe that he is genuinely falling for Top but this latest episode leads one to believe that he is actually goofy over this man. He gave up his virginity because he thought he would lose him if he didn't, and that is just sad. Real, but sad.

Mew will not leave Top after he finds out about Boston. What happened will just reconfirm to him that he needs to give up his body to keep Boston around. I hope this one isn't true, but I seen enough situations play out where I would not be surprised if it happened. That's his man and he's gonna stick beside him.

Drake's character is one of Boston's usual hookups that he mentioned to Nick when they were in the pool. A threesome is going to be put on the table and Nick, with his little crazy-tail self, is not going to be for it. He'll go through with it even though he's uncomfortable and doesn't want to because he wants Boston to stay. He's already working out more and emulating Top's style. He has no boundaries. Someone broke him so irrevocably that he thinks this is the best that he can do. WHEW! Again real, but sad.

#only friends the series #only friends the series spoilers #only friends #ofts #thai drama #thai bl #first kanaphan #khaotung thanawat #force jiratchapong #book kasidet #mark pakin #neo nimtawat #lookjun bhasidi #sandray #sanray #topmew #bostonnick

[raven-foul]

I need to do a top 10 jonelias moments for real but honestly #1 is all of mag92 like all of it is just too good. the way that the two of them push and pull during the course of the episode…jon and elias are the two people with the most information/power in the initial confrontation, everyone else is just getting up to speed about leitner’s murder and sasha’s death but jon really does think he has something to leverage over elias in that moment before it’s maneuvered away from him…but at the same time he actually also does have the power of compulsion ! it’s not enough yet but it should be starting to scare elias a little bit!

and of course [pleasured exhalation] is just so iconic I feel like it would’ve deserved the single #1 moment alone if it wasn’t followed up by their private conversation after the thing with daisy. like. whew. elias really does just say ok everyone! if you’ll all give me and jon a moment alone im sure we have some things to discuss (actual quote) tee hee everyone get out. AND EVERYONE DOES ?! LIKE it’s honestly kind of funny that after all that they just leave him alone with elias again like not even martin is like umm no let’s go jon don’t listen to this crazy guy. hilarious. like guys did you know that after you left they had an incredibly intense conversation about the monster that jon was becoming and the nature of their twisted humanity (and then elias wrote jon a nice little return to work form kissed him on his cheek and sent him on his way)? and the PRAISE the MANIPULATION the GOADING?? jon BEGGING elias to tell him what to do??? “what are you” “I…the archivist” <-???? CRAZY!! “Am I…elias am I still human?” (vulnerable) “Jon, what does human even mean?” (in control) <- !!!! INSANE??

#you can tell when I lost control of this post and just started liveblogging the ep #also everyone else in that ep was good and at their wits’ end #I just love the collective groans and sighs after anyone does anything but mostly after when Elias is being smug

[til-f]

Episode 3 Thoughts

I was literally terrified that they weren't going to give us the whole prophecy. Breathed a sigh of relief when they did.

the prophecy scene with only gabe saying it felt super forced lol

I really missed the line "The real world is where the monsters are. that's where you learn if you're any good or not." Like, I wanted that. I also think it describes annabeth's character, and a lot of the reason why she wants to go on the quest.

some good angst when percy got mad on thalia's behalf. again, why do we have to change the tiniest lines to be different. JUST KEEP THEM THE SAME UGHHGHLJ

I don't mind that annabeth is like, a badass, but she isn't the leader of the quest. and i think her anal leader vibe is kinda not the best way to portray her. I don't know. This is percy's only quest. and I could see rick in the film studio being all like, "nah, we can't let percy be the star of the show. he needs to learn to relinquish control" and that is driving me CRAZY. the whole bit where alecto tells annabeth that she might be the most formidable demigod alive? WHY RICK. WHY. WHY MUST YOU NOT LET PERCY JUST BE THE FUCKING MAIN CHARACTER. WHY MUST YOU CHANGE THINGS. WHY WASN'T PERCY THE ONE TO KILL THE FURIES ON THE BUS AND WHY DOESN'T HE FEEL LIKE THE PROTAGONIST. WHYYYY

this book is so near and dear to my heart yall, I should not be making these posts LOL. But I love the show so please read on.

I loved grover's song, lmao. so cute. and when percy goes "our voting system's broken." i'm cracking up.

WHY WAS THE MEDUSA SCENE SO BAD AND SO WEIRD ??!!!!!???? WHAAT ???? WHAT THE FUCK. SERIOUSLY. WHAT?????????????? And again, why are the mosnters so fixated on annabeth? It's kinda weird?!!?!? Um. and I feel like just putting the invisible cap on medusa wouldn't have stopped her powers. also, the fight scene should have been more epic. whats with all the psychology. Just let the children eat burgers and kill medusa. jesus christ.

I don't quite get why percy is having trust issues in the show. in teh books, he's loyal to a fault. he doesn't even think to question that annabeth or grover would betray him. and that he only brought annabeth because he thought they wouldn't be friends? Sigh. Rick, if you're reading this, grrr

the last bit of the episode where percy ships the head to the gods (very impertinent!!!) (same font and same message as the book ahhhh!!!!!!!) and hermes delivering it to the 600th floor almost made up for the other nonsense. almost.

New York City babyyyyy I like it!

WHEW. overall, this episode drove me a little crazy, so I don't really know what to say. Hopefully next episode is better.

#percy jackson #pjo show #meta #percy jackson and the olympians

[initiumseries]

Can you list the best asian dramas you ever watched?

Oh 100%. Now this is in no particular order. So I'm gonna combine best and most compelling. Some dramas I watched weren't necessarily "The Best" but they held onto me and I think that's worth noting.

Goblin The Great and Lonely God

This drama, is a drama I'd pay money to have my brain wiped of memories of so I could watch it again for the first time. Everything about it is so good, so emotional, and it's literally changed the landscape of kdramas since.

Touch Your Heart

Lee dong wook and Yoo in na's reunion drama right after goblin is EXACTLY what we needed and it was such a perfect, quintissential romantic comedy drama. Exactly what got me into kdramas in the first place.

Hi Bye Mama

I've said this before, but this drama was...whew. It's weirdly slept on, because it's the first drama that made me CRY, cry. So worth the watch.

Navillera

Not necessarily the best kdrama I've ever watched, but you put young people in need of a parental figure and old people in need of a young person together and you've got me HOOKED. I will watch ANYTHING kdrama related with young folks and their grandparents. I'm very close with my grandfather so this drama MESSED ME UP. So emotional, so good.

Something In the Rain

this drama was like...it took over my life, made me SO FUCKING ANGRY, and then like ruined me. Their chemistry was INSANE, and it elevated the emotionality of their relationship. Also the cinematography was so...thoughtful. They deliberately filmed it so their intimate moments felt like we were spying on them a bit, and I really liked that idea of seeing them behind bookcases while they're cuddling to watch tv etc. They felt like a real couple.

Crash Landing On You

It's just a drama you have to watch. Nothing I can say about it will make sense. But when you watch it and see them AND the second leads together? Bro.

Princess WeiYoung

This was one of the first c-dramas I actually sat through. The backbiting, the scheming, the costumes, the sets, HOOKED me. I was IN. And THEN their chemistry?!?! LOOK at how he's LOOKING at her. Ugh.

The Rise of the Phoenixes

So, I know I'm alone in this, but this was one of the most thorough and intense dramas I've seen. The attention to detail really resonated with me. It's like, the definition of a slow burn, but their chemistry is CRAZY, the acting is top tier, the sets, the costumes, the drama. It was all just such a feast. Even the fact that, there was no dub for this drama, the actors read all the really challenging poems they recited themselves, the meaning behind everything, was sooo cool. The director's cut saved it, I know, but I felt like they could've cut some stuff out to keep it tight. Such a melancholy drama from beginning to end.

The Story of Yanxi Palace

I am a messy bitch who lives for drama and yanxi palace DELIVERS. All the women are insane, and compelling, and NASTY. And I LIVE for that. I've been watching kdramas a long time, and I was so happy when they finally got to the point of making their female leads have personalities and not be doormats. So when I started getting into c-dramas, the thing that hooked me was that the lead female characters were often women with strong personalities, smart, and simply limited by the circumstances of the world they live in, but even with those restrictions, they exercise such power within those boundaries that I LOVE. This drama does all that and more. A+.

Misty

this drama is so tough for me and zalrb. It was SO COMPELLING to watch. Kim Nam Joo is RIVETING to watch, and it was her comeback drama and boy did she come BACK. I remember rushing home from work to watch the next episode because I had NO idea where it was gonna go, and the TENSION between her and the guy not her husband was STRESSFUL. But whew the fucking whiffed it at the end. It's so unfortunate because a tight ending would've sent me over the edge. But alas, this was (minus the ending) one of the most compelling kdramas I've ever watched.

Till the End of the Moon

Jesus christ. This drama was so FRUSTRATING. But their relationship was compelling, HE was compelling. Tantai Jin was SO incredibly interesting to watch and it felt like watching an actor level up as you're watching. I'm generally not a fan of fantasy C-dramas bc the cg is ALWAYS awful. But I just ffwrd through most of that stuff to watch the relationship stuff. I felt like there was a stronger way to tell this story, but they were compelling.

I feel like I might be missing some but these are the ones I thought of right away.

#till the end of the moon #the story of yanxi palace #goblin the lonely and great god #touch your heart #hi bye mama #something in the rain

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Holiday weekend everyone. We only have 3 left in this season. Hard to believe. Not a ton of Chenford content in this one but just enough ha It has some important stuff in it though. But definitely shorter than the last one let’s get started :)

2x18 Under The Gun

We start our episode off with some very welcomed shirtless Tim. I’m here all damn day for this. *puddle* He then changes into a black shirt. Trying to kill me even further whew lord. God he's so tall too. Look at him tall drink of yummy water. Making me feral per usual ha I want to add I would LOVE a scene like this for Chenford in S6. Tim getting ready for the day, Lucy hanging out with Kojo on the bed while he does. Her gawking at him a bit as he gets ready. A girl can dream eh?

But lets get back on track before I go further down that rabbit hole. heh. Tim tells Rachel she should start leaving stuff at his place. Look at him ready to make that move. She makes a face and he cracks a joke that it’s illegal to lie to a cop. Rachel breaks and tells him she got her dream job. Tim is all smiles and cuteness until she says it’s in New York…

Tim looks so sad but tells her she’s gotta take it. Dream jobs only come around once. He asks when does she start? It’s in one month. Quick turnaround and his head is spinning. She mentions New York has cops. Heh they do but you are not the one he will shift for honey sorry to say. Sorta. Not really. Tim just replies ‘Yeah…’ not the confident reply Rachel was looking for…

We catch our fav duo meeting up with Rachel for a case. Lucy immediately brings up New York. Seeing if Tim is ready to talk about it. Also Tim the king of plans she expects him to have one for this. He is straight forward with Lucy when she asks what they’re gonna do? For Tim it’s already over in his mind. There is no end date to this job of hers. She is leaving LA and isn't coming back. To Tim that is game over. (I mean unless it's the one which we all know she is not)

Tells her long distance never works and he seems dead set on that. Defeated but definitely definitive about the whole situation. Lucy’s face kills me when he says this. She’s so sad for him. Probably sadder for Tim than she is for Rachel. When she set them up it was to help Tim. Show him he could be happy post-Isabel. Shake him out of his routine. Now he’s going to lose all that and she’s devastated. Looks like she wants to give him a hug honestly. She hates it when he is all defeatist and you can tell she just wants to fix it. Sadly this is one thing she can not intervene in and fix.

They meet up with Rachel and it already seems awkward. She thanks them for coming. They are there in case her visit with the mom goes sideways. She’s there for a truancy call. The kid in question has missed a lot of school due to mystery illness. Rachel thinks it might be a scam especially since the mom started a go-fund me page for his medical bills.

Rachel seems suspect as hell with this lady. He goes to the hospital gets better then comes back home and is sick again. She thinks she is poisoning her own kid for attention. Lucy seems sick to her stomach about the whole thing. They both do. Can see it on their faces. Tim asks her what she wants to do?

We cut to them outside. Tim looking fine as hell leaning against their shop. How can someone be that attractive just filling out paper work? Anyways...Rachel asks Lucy if Tim would ever leave LA ? Lucy is honest with her and lets her know she’s not sure. Lucy knows how much he loves LA. He is proud af to be be born and bred. Which really means no if we're being honest. The man bleeds LAPD. Lucy can tell how sad Rachel looks with her answer. So she follows it up with how crazy Tim is about her. (Not crazy enough to follow her though….)

Lucy tries to make it better and says the man is a mystery. To Rachel yes. Not to her though....She has the book of Tim right in her pocket. Their convo gets interrupted by Paul’s mom coming out. Asking what they’re doing? Rachel says they’re taking him back to the hospital. It’s a sad scene to watch. Rachel basically removes her own child from her care. Saying she is a danger to him pending a full investigation. Tim and Lucy have to hold her back while they take him.

Tim comes to see Grey in his office. Asking him how hard it would be to make a lateral move? Wade lets him know it would be seamless. Tim ask what about the NYPD? Grey sighs and tells him that’s a whole other beast. That he would have to start from square one. Go through the FTO program before he could go back out on the streets. That he would be the John Nolan of the NYPD LOL Tim looks mortified about this. Like that is an instant no for him. There was no way he can do that.

Grey continues on saying it would be a big sacrifice. But if Rachel is the one it would be worth it. That’s the thing though she’s not. What proves Lucy being his person over and over is moments like this. In S5 Tim doesn’t blink before taking a desk job for her. If that’s the path that keeps him with her that’s the one he’s going to take. Grey even says it's not a great job and he replies ' Doesn't matter.' If Rachel was the one it wouldn't matter he would have to do all this for her.

His hesitancy is written all over this scene. The more Grey tells him the more we see him withdraw. With Lucy his decisions were always decisive and quick. In his mind when it came to her there was no choice. She was his choice. Every time. I’ve said this all this season Rachel had her place in his life for a reason. I am grateful for her I truly am. Her reason was meant to show him he could date again. Not only that but have a functioning healthy relationship as well. That saying people are in your life for a reason or a season is accurate.

Rachel was both. She served her purpose in the best way for him. Helped him heal post divorce. It was never meant to last. She was a stepping stone to Lucy. Which sounds cruel but also true. Wade gives him some dating advice. Tells him to be sure. Because moving in together is hard enough. Let alone a new city, jobs and no social network to lean on. Tim doesn’t linger after that just says 'Thanks' curtly and goes. Grey takes one last shot says ‘Anytime Boot!’ Haha He is getting a major kick out of giving Tim a hard time.

Tim runs into Rachel shortly after. She’s in an absolute panic. Tim tries to get her to calm down and tell him what’s going on. She discovered her co-workers have kids in the same neighborhood with similar issues. That they switched to well water 4 months ago due to construction. Paul got sick 3 months ago. Rachel is in a panic because there was a lawsuit with a company about dumping heavy metals in the water 5 years ago and they said it was cleaned up. Clearly not… Since the well water is making these kids sick.

Now Rachel may have taken a child away from his mother for no reason. I do love seeing how soft Tim is in this moment. It’s not Lucy Level soft but soft none the less. At this point in the series it’s so nice to see this side of him. Like I’ve said before their relationship was insight to Tim in a relationship and how he operates. It was a nice window into it since all we had before her was Isabel. Also a future look into how he would be with Lucy.

What does Tim do right after this? Go right to his girl. Little telling things that showed the entire time Lucy was his better half. She is the first person he runs to and vice versa. He asks if she’s heard from Rachel at all? Lucy says no…why? Tim lets her know the situation with Iris and her son. That Rachel blames herself. That she’s ignoring his calls and texts right now. He is very worried and needs Lucy's help.

I love that when he’s in a panic about Rachel his first thought is to go right to his safe space. Needs her calming sunshine ways to ease him. Hoping her POV is going to calm his anxiety. Tim wanting her to reassure him she won't do anything stupid. The concern and empathy in her eyes she has for him. My heart. That innate need to want to comfort and make it better for him. Lucy’s face says it all tbh when Tim asks if she is going to do anything stupid? I think she knows Rachel could very well do something stupid about this…

We find out shortly after Rachel did something she shouldn't have. She stalked owner of the company and pretended the water she threw on him was contaminated. Tim is able to get her cited out fairly quickly. Then we get another glimpse into the amazing heart of this man. How deeply he cares for those around him. What he is willing to do for them. He pulled some personal favors for her. Got them to reverse Rachel’s order to pull Paul from his home.

He’s so sweet and earnest about it. Rachel is in shock he even did this for her. Especially since she’s leaving. It’s like she doesn’t know this man at all. Of course he was going to help even if she was leaving. It’s who he is. A deeply loyal and loving person. Who will do anything for those who’ve earned his love and trust. Why he replies 'Duh.' Shocked she would expect any less of him. His love and loyalty doesn't just evaporate because she is leaving. Adore this man so much.

We get one last glimpse of our couple decompressing with Jackson and Angela. It's kind of nice to see actually. Jackson tells them he has a funny story for them. That the tech guy who flagged Angela as the most likely to get sued was wrong. He rode around with them all day trying to study her and had the wrong person. He picked the wrong Lopez. Jackson is legit tickled pink this has happened. Sadly he seems to be the one one haha Lucy has been around Tim too long cause she doesn’t even crack a smile about this LOL More like a pity smirk for her friend. Tim and Angela just judge poor Jackson baha Funny way to end the ep. Very low content Chenford so but important none the less with Rachel’s impending departure and all that.

~~~~

Side notes- Non Chenford

Prison SL with Harper and Nolan was good. always enjoy watching Oscar haha that’s pretty much it LOL

Only 2 episodes left in the season after this one and it’s an adrenaline fest. Thank you all who continually like/comment (how I love comments), reblog you’re all amazing thank you so much. Shall see you in 2x19 :)

#Caitlin Rewatches The Rookie #chenford #chenford hiatus #summer rewatch #s2 #2x18 Under The Gun #the rookie 2x18 #waiting on s6 #tim x lucy #lucy x tim #otp: doing my job #otp: you know me so well. too well #otp: some things matter more #tim bradford #lucy chen #the rookie #eric winter #melissa o’neil #tim bradford x lucy chen

[nonstandardrepertoire]

so we finished watching season 2 of Picard last night, and just. whew, friends, what? a truly baffling array of choices. things i simply cannot get over:

the commitment to doing every Single joke from The Voyage Home while simultaneously Strenuously Avoiding doing anything campy or goofy

like, the reason TVH works is that the main cast are all just Buffoons — Kirk does not know how money works, Spock is dressed as a jogger in a bathrobe, Scottie tries to talk into a computer mouse, and it is all GREAT. in Picard S2, it's like, they say they don't know much about this period in history, but they all seem to click into place fairly seamlessly. in general watching this new era of Trek, it feels like the writers have simply forgotten the pleasure of a good silly camp romp, and constantly referencing one of the best silliest campiest romps in the canon is uh, not helping

the climax of the season revolves around?? Q's character development??? Q???? QUEUE?????? baffling

in general what was even Q's plan here. is he . . . trying to sabotage the Europa mission or not? why is All Of This necessary for Picard to forgive himself, if that's Q's real goal? just like generally this framing does not make sense to me and so resting the entire season on it is. a choice, i guess

also when have we ever been asked to care about Q's interiority before, when have we ever been asked to be On His Side as opposed to whatever human he's fucking with

how are we relating to canon here. h o w. there are some Real deep cuts, but then also some like, fairly prominent episodes that are just?? ignored???

like, ok:

Guinan and Picard have a fairly significant adventure together in 1800s San Francisco (in “Time’s Arrow”). it is canon then that she doesn't know Picard yet. this is an incident she will remember for 500+ years and reference on board the Enterprise D. but in this season of Picard, she appears not to know him at all and to once more be meeting him for the first time. these two first meetings are . . . difficult to reconcile

but we are apparently doubling down on “Wesley Crusher was just the super specialest boy and he managed to transcend the limits of physical reality because of his big special brain”

we are apparently pretending that Robert Picard just . . . doesn't exist? isn't around for Jean-Luc's childhood? this isn't really technically a continuity error but Robert and Jean-Luc's relationship felt real and specific and grounded in the particulars of their two characters whereas Yvette just feels like generic sexist “ooooooh his mother was ~crazy~” schlock, and losing the former for the latter is uh. not an improvement

we're doubling down on Gary Seven, tho! Gary fucking Seven!!!!! remember that beloved character from an episode that was definitely a good idea??? why

actually, specifically, tho: it feels like this is a continuation of Star Trek’s reluctance/inability to grapple with the less savory parts of Gene Roddenberry as a human being, particularly his misogyny. to stick only to the example at hand, he made the “Assignment: Earth” filming experience so miserable for Teri Garr (by, for example, relentlessly shortening the length of her skirt, even over the objections of the costume designer) that Garr has absolutely refused to talk about Star Trek in subsequent interviews. i was obviously not on set, but the vibe i get is extremely that filming that episode would clearly and unambiguously been a hostile workplace environment by contemporary standards of sexual harassment. so i, personally, have a hard time being like “ah yes, ‘Assignment: Earth’, what a fun bit of forgotten canon to incorporate wholesale into our new series without grappling with the specifics of its creation in any way!”. the vibes are just . . . rancid

anyway, moving on from continuity gripes,

it feels like a real missed opportunity to have not cast David Duchovny as the FBI agent. this is really not the showrunners’ fault, but i’m in a hating sort of mood, so i’m going to take off points anyway

“Dark Page” was not a great idea in 1993 and it isn’t any better now

circling back to “covering the hits without any understanding of what made them good”, Raffi’s encounter in a camp of unhoused people feels like a nod to “Past Tense” without any willingness to actually . . . engage with what “Past Tense” was saying. for all that i have some issues with some of its narrative choices, “Past Tense” devotes significant, sustained screen time to characters that society has decided to discard and is relentless in hammering home the message that “this is not just and it cannot be reformed into justness”. here, Raffi stumbles across an encampment, someone immediately tries to mug her at gun point, she beats him up, she shares a rueful quip about “gosh, wild that such a prosperous society can’t be assed to take care of people”, and then we just move on and never mention this again. like, we get Words saying that Homelessness Bad, but what we are shown is “unhoused people are scary and dangerous and it’s ok for our heroes to beat them up”

(i actually think that In General there is a lot of wasted potential with Raffi, altho mostly the fault here lies in season 1. “very competent Starfleet officer who is also dealing with paranoid delusions and falling apart at the seams about it” is an interesting premise for a Star Trek character if done well! and then S1 is just like “oh, nope, actually, she was right about everything, there was a massive, bizarre conspiracy that did exactly what she thought they did, she's fine and correct and everyone who ever doubted her is an ass”)

(i also think that the “love always ends in grief” sequence from Discovery S4, for all of that season’s considerable messiness, is a much tighter and more powerful expression of that theme than the wandering, haphazard approach to it here. i think these shows are meant to be watched in concert, but the back-to-back seldom does Picard any favors)

we continue to lean into Human Exceptionalism and i continue to roll around on the floor going “ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” about it

more elaborate thoughts on that go in my “if i were making Enterprise” post, tho

THAT SAID

on the topic of exceptionalism, i hate the FUCK out of the bit in Crusher’s recruitment speech where he’s like “do you want to be ordinary, or do you want your life to have purpose and meaning?” as tho???? ordinary lives????? cannot have purpose and meaning???????????? look me in the eyes, writers. no, no, look me Directly in the eyes: fuck you, fuck that, i am doing cartoon violence to you. the mindset that only extraordinary lives are worth living is toxic bullshit that distorts so much of our mental, political, and artistic landscape. ordinary lives can have so much meaning and purpose, they can be so very beautiful and rich. ordinary lives can be very good to live. i think Star Trek, in general, focuses too much on elites as The Only People Who Really Matter, but to elevate that to the level of explicit text is just. fucking devastating. unspeakably bleak. absolute philosophical train wreck of a season finale, on a par with Discovery’s “a Starfleet admiral actively and deliberately planned and tried to carry out a genocide and faced zero career repercussions for it that we can see”. clown car nonsense

in conclusion: i have drunk the haterade, g-d this season sucked, i can’t wait to make April 13 “Jurati eating car batteries day” and take it away from the Homestucks

#let's take a walk thru these here stars #did i have a Picard tag? i feel like i can't possibly have #thinky thoughts #Star Trek: Picard #Picard S2 #unabashed hatery #i promise we can stop doing Wrath of Khan again now i promise i promise i promise #also like #i don't even want to get into the "why did we have to just sit thru an entire fucking fascist rally #or the implication that uh. fascist Earth would be really successful at fighting the Borg actually #IN GENERAL i think our fiction is Way too ready to paint fascists as Very Competent At War #they are not #i don't know how many people know this but there was a small little tiff called World War II #and the fascists did not win it #because fascists are incompetent and fascism is inherently unstable as an ideology #Umberto Eco said that fascists are condemned to lose wars because they are incapable of realistically assessing the strength of their enemi #and he was RIGHT #obviously that should be “enemies” but APPARENLY my tags are too long #whatever #anyway #rants #sigmastolen #i feel like you will appreciate this even if you don't watch Picard

[clarajohnson]

the magicians s1e13

yes i put this one off i wasn't ready yet

i love when the recaps just give everything away it's so cute of them ohhhh the watcherwoman you say? god i wonder who that is. oh jane chatwin is important you say? that's interesting.

i love that q gets into fillory and within days is like alright guess i should write an unauthorized sequel to fillory and further

"no, i just stabbed my own hand" YOU wanted the fantasy protagonist lifestyle YOU have to deal with the common risk of blood sacrifice

BOOOOO FUCK YOU EMBER EVERYBODY HATES EMBER

loveeeee the .02% opium also love "a pretty unfair way to get you to love a place" i love the way he thinks of things you neurotic little freak

NOTHING better than the way q says "nnnnbitches" in i am in that scene, bitches

(speaking to the magicians showrunners) by all means, hinge your entire quest on a traumatized boy

every knife scene is a tease until my beloved wife fen appears

you are from a place that likes murder!

it is so obvious as to almost be lazy that the watcherwoman would be q's favorite fillory villain

jesus christ i love that q is the volunteer tomato. he would be. he really would be, he cannot resist jumping into danger if the purpose is to save the things he loves.

the memory patch :-((((((

"margo being such a bitch." oh eliot waugh you are so dear to me

q's narration is pretty fun for this episode i like it quite a bit

this is a funny stage of the team assembly, the way they resist julia's inclusion when actually julia is going to be very important to everyone (i am making this up just because i like julia)

the leo blade is pretty sexy i appreciate it

TIME FOR FEN

oh wait i forgot it's a different fen :-( see you soon my beloved

"i admit i was 100% sure that i was definitely the high king. i know! shocking, right?" fucking crazy that we have to watch him experience total ego death while eliot is making stoner jokes

season one eliot still agreeing to marry fen despite all the fine print is so shocking when you think about it, like, i forget the kind of guy he starts out as, and the "my life, it doesn't work" speech is like a total shove into character development that moves so quickly and immediately blooms and is so instantly rewarding. man when this show is good it's good.

"i think you're the only person that i can stand"

these chapter titles make me believe that q is not a good writer. i imagine his fillory fics were not highly rated.

"father-in-law, why is this blade a thousand degrees?"

mrs. me !!!!!

i will say this. and this is a kind of spoilsport opinion i know this. i do not like the whole ember's jizz plot and i find it very gross and demeaning and unnecessary, not that any of this is necessary, just that this specific element feels chosen to be a gross-out.

"can you be the champion we've been waiting for? "i want to be." whew there it is!

ONCE AGAIN FUCK EMBER FUCK EMBER FOREVER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me when i hate the character the show wants me to hate :-o >:-(

i completely forgot plover was in the dungeon lmao you know what let martin be a little bit more of the beast !!!!!! yeah poor you !!!!

most pathetic boy in the world voice: i know you don't want to hear it right now but i love you

quentin coldwater has the craziest fucking self-esteem anyone has ever had it goes in all directions and fluctuates hourly

you're not as good as i hoped, quentin coldwater.

please not the glowing eyes jesus christ

whewwwwwwwwww the reynard scene is always going to get to me sooooo fucking bad jesus jesus jesus

"trickster of the faithful and the pure of heart" i gotta be honest i don't know what mythology reynard is part of but i don't know what the purpose of a god like that would be. this guy seems like a burnt pancake to me.

horrible. horrible!

it's so wild that she called marina. i like that she did that i just think it's crazy. and it's a really interesting aspect of marina's character too! "jesus, julia, i wanna help." the girl is not an asshole we just hate women with boundaries JOKING she IS an asshole but i do think sometimes women are allowed to be.

love that penny expands his powers with stick-and-pokes

i believe, because i want to, that there is some significance to julia going into the wellspring last.

i forgot martin is UGGOOOOO

you know i think the way this show frames the forty timelines, for q at least, is as a kind of suicide mission, which i really feel like pushing against. i don't see q as a character outlined by despair or futility i think he's all about hope and perseverance and i think that's beautiful and it's what i want for him!

shit i completely forgot about jules teaming up with the beast for a minute oh julia you're a crazy lady

shows don't have the kind of security to end a season with five out of six main characters bleeding out and absolutely no resolution anymore

#god i love this show so much #unauthorized magicians rewatch #the magicians #text