#We still didn't get to see their date again

[girlgenius1111]

wise beyond her years

sol meets someone, and it's doomed from the start. everyone can see it, except her. ingrid tries to balance being supportive and being... a parent?

based [ish] on the manuscript by taylor swift... mostly the lyrics "afterwards she only ate kids cereal and couldn't sleep unless it was in her mother's bed"

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You met her at one of Ingrid’s games. Mapi had gone down to the locker room at halftime, and you’d been content to sit in your seat and scroll through your phone until the team made their way back out. That was, until she slid into the seat next to you and introduced herself. 

Camila. She was a bit taller than you, the epitome of Spanish beauty. She spoke English with an adorable accent, and when you looked into her eyes for the first time, you were almost speechless. She looked to be a bit older than you. Maybe around Ingrid’s age. 

You should have known better. You should have thought about how odd it was that she’d been sitting a few rows up and only came to talk to you when you were alone. How those first few dates she took you on always ended with her getting you to invite her to the next Barça game. 

It was so easy for her. You were… healing. That didn't mean that you were healed. Freud would have rolled in his grave at how oblivious you were. Dating an older woman. Only a month or so after a huge fallout with your mother. Letting her talk you into things you weren’t quite sure about. Let her talk her way into your heart, making promises and declarations of love that came much too soon. 

She said that she loved you. And it wasn’t that you believed her, not really. You just thought that if you tried hard enough to be perfect, one day she would love you.

------

Ingrid had made her displeasure with Camila known to you from the beginning. She knew exactly what the woman was up to, it was obvious to everyone but you. She was using you because you were an easy target, and you were vulnerable and young and excited that someone was paying attention to you. 

You wouldn’t listen to Ingrid, though. Not when she warned you nicely about Camila, or when she warned you much more seriously. You ignored her words completely, dismissed them. And Ingrid didn’t want to fight with you, but she couldn’t hold back her feelings about this woman that had slipped into your life, so poor Mapi bore the brunt of the Norwegian’s rants about how Camila was not good enough for her Solstråle. 

This was the case today. You were off with Camila, and Ingrid was going crazy back home. It had been weeks, and this was still going on. The worry and concern your sister had for you was at a high, it was all she could think about. Mapi felt similarly, but she tried to keep her cool because she knew very well that telling you not to date the woman would only make you want to date her more. 

“She’s going to get hurt.” Ingrid said. 

“She might. That’s how she learns, though, mi amor. We have to let her make her own mistakes.” 

“Did you read that in your parenting book?” Ingrid asked with a slight smirk. 

Mapi flushed red, avoiding her girlfriend’s gaze. “It is not a parenting book. It is a… helping sad teens book.” She argued. 

Ingrid softened. “María, don’t be embarrassed. Getting a book to learn how to help Solstråle better… that is sweet and thoughtful. Just like you.” 

Now, Mapi was blushing again, but this time a small smile adorned her features, though worry was still clouding her eyes. “Are you sure it’s okay? I know she’s your sister, and I do not want to overstep.” 

Ingrid just shook her head. “No, you are not overstepping. I couldn’t do this without you, María, and I mean that. You balance me out. I was worried, for a while, about being too much like my mother. You’d never let that happen, though, and it’s like a safety net. I don’t need to worry as much about making a mistake because you’re always there to tell me when I’m not doing the right thing. And you don’t have to be, but you are. I don’t thank you enough for that, my love. I don’t tell you enough, how incredible you are,  for being so full of love, and so happy to share it with everyone you meet.” 

“I love you.” María whispered back. “I love you, and I love mi sol, and I tolerate her dog, but I love our family. Sol is a special kid and… I don’t know. I just want you both to be happy. I want you both to feel loved and worthy of love because you are.” 

Ingrid isn’t quite sure how this conversation about your ‘girlfriend’ had led to this incredibly mushy conversation, but she pulled Mapi into her and squeezed tightly. “ Don’t make me cry, Solstråle will be home soon and she’ll make fun of me.”

Mapi laughed loudly, quickly wiping a tear off Ingrid’s cheek as the front door opened, announcing your arrival home. When you walked into the living room, it was to see Mapi and Ingrid curled up together on the couch, which wasn’t an unusual sight. Nor was the way they were looking at each other unusual, either. Like seeing the other person smile could sustain the other for days. Ingrid and Mapi loved each other so deeply, and so easily, it was clear for anyone to see. 

You wanted that, you really did. And you thought you had it where you definitely didn’t. You’d have it one day, though. Something told you that. 

-------

You weren’t sitting with Mapi at the match today. Camila had wanted it to be a real date, and not be supervised by your sister’s girlfriend, though she still wanted to attend the match. You’d been excited about it, even though you’d spent most of your free time with her in the past couple weeks. Well, excited until she’d disappeared right before kick off to get you both waters, and had been gone for 20 minutes. 

You were really just worried that something had happened to slow her down, so you got up when an opposing player went down and headed off in search of her. 

You found her pretty easily, leaning against a wall by the bathroom, talking to a girl. A girl that looked to be about your age, that looked just like you in fact. You tried not to jump to conclusions as you froze, watching carefully from a few meters away. It was obvious, though, what was going on. Even more obvious when Camila reached out and tucked a piece of the girl’s hair behind her ear.

 It wasn’t immediately clear to you what to do. You knew you should be angry, but really all you felt was hurt. Before Camila could spot you, you headed back to your seat, and when Camila returned a few minutes later, you did what you were used to. You shut down. You answered her questions with shrugs or nods, even when she started to get annoyed that you weren’t speaking. 

You wanted to talk to Frido. Not Ingrid or Mapi, because they’d freak out. Mapi would get all weirdly protective and huffy, and Ingrid would just be furious that you hadn’t listened to her. Frido would listen to you, and tell you what to do. You couldn’t get to the Swede, though, not without seeing your sister and her girlfriend. And by the time the final whistle blew, Camila’s anger was simmering under the surface, and she practically dragged you from the stadium. You quickly texted Mapi, telling her you were leaving with Camila, before your girlfriend pushed you into the car and all but slammed the door. You winced at the sound, knowing that you shouldn’t feel guilty for how you were acting. Camila should be the one feeling bad, but you couldn’t help the nagging feeling to just apologize and let it go. 

It was like the old version of you and the newer version were fighting. Was this how you deserved to be treated? Had Camila really done anything wrong? Your brain was a mess, and as Camila pulled the car out of the parking spot, and began to drive, you decided that you just needed some space to think. 

“Can you take me home?” You asked quietly, looking at your girlfriend out of the corner of your eye. She seemed to relax a bit, now that you’d spoken. Camila didn’t look as angry anymore. Just worried. 

“Is everything okay? You’ve gone silent on me.” Camila asked gently. Or, at least, it sounded gentle. She was giving you a kind, concerned smile but there was a look in her eyes that made you kind of uneasy. You ignored it, focusing on the softness, letting yourself be lulled into a false sense of security. You told yourself to be honest, that it was probably just a misunderstanding. That Camila would make you feel better about it, explain it all away. And everything would go back to normal. 

“I just… I saw you talking to that girl by the bathroom. It looked kind of cozy.” You said cautiously. The car came upon an intersection, a red light, and Camila came to a stop before she looked over at you. The concern was gone from her face. The softness nowhere to be found. She just looked furious at you. 

“Did you follow me to the bathroom for a reason?” She asked venomously. 

You shook your head, surprised at the turn this conversation had taken. “No, no, you were gone for a while, and I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

Camila rolled her eyes as the light turned green, looking away from you and at the road. “Sure. I was just saying hi to an old friend. There’s no need to get all jealous.” 

“I’m not jealous.” You replied, sitting up straighter in your seat, a bit of anger flaring in you. Anger you hadn’t felt in a while, but a feeling that still filled your veins with fire. “I just wanted to know why you were flirting with someone while we were on a date.” 

Camila scoffed. “I was not flirting. I told you it was an old friend. I barely talked to her, what are you being so dramatic about?” 

“I really don’t think I’m being dramatic. I just asked you a question.” You said, trying to remain calm even as your girlfriend got angrier and angrier next to you. 

“No, you acted like a child. Going completely silent and ruining our date? I know you’re young, but I expected you to act like an adult and be more mature than that. It’s honestly embarrassing.” 

You felt your cheeks burn, and you chewed on your lip for a minute, trying not to say anything you’d regret. “I asked you a question, and you just keep deflecting. I don’t think I am being the childish one.” 

“Is this the mommy issues or something?” Camila asked, a cruel smile playing on her lips. You sat silent for a moment, not completely sure you’d heard her correctly. 

“Excuse me?” 

“The jealousy, the insecurity? I know your mom fucked you up, but this is ridiculous. We’ve only been together for a few weeks, why are you being so clingy? It’s fucking annoying, and I’ll tell you right now, no one on earth is going to want to put up with this. Especially not from you, it’s not worth it.” 

You blinked, completely shocked. You hadn’t expected her to get so angry when you’d been honest about your insecurity and worry. And you hadn’t expected her to throw things that you’d told her in a moment of vulnerability in your face either. “Are you serious?” You asked, voice cracking slightly. 

Camila let out a humorless laugh, parking the car in front of the cafe you were supposed to be going to. “Are you going to cry now?” She asked mockingly. “Christ, you really are too young. I don’t want to date someone this immature.”

You stared at her, feeling like you had whiplash from the turn this conversation had taken. It seemed like she was breaking up with you. Which was probably for the best, if this was how she reacted to you bringing up an issue with her. Still, it was like you were seeing a side of her you’d never seen before. Cold. Cruel. She looked completely unbothered as she unlocked the car doors and gave you a pointed look, one that clearly told you that this conversation was over. 

She looked unbothered, and you felt  your heart shatter as your biggest fear was coming true. You were too much. It had only taken Camila weeks to get tired of you. Hot tears fell down your cheeks, ones you desperately tried to hide. You were sad and embarrassed, but most of all. You just felt so hopeless. 

As you got out of the car, without another word said to your now ex-girlfriend, you wondered how you could have been so naive to think that someone would want you. Camila was right. You were too screwed up for anyone to choose you. 

You walked right into the cafe, making a beeline for the bathroom. Locking and shutting the door behind you, the last of your resolve broke, and you worked hard to quiet the broken sobs falling from your lips. 

Stupid. You’d been so stupid. It wasn’t the first time someone had broken your trust, or said something awful to you. But it was the first time since… things had changed. And somehow, you’d forgotten how much it hurt, feeling unwanted. You had been used to it, before, numb to it. Now, though, it burned sharp in your chest. Shame and sadness and anger and frustration. And still. That persistent feeling of hopelessness. How was anyone ever supposed to want you?

-------

Mapi had a weird feeling when you called. Your text after the match had sounded odd, and you were supposed to be getting coffee with Camila. She didn’t really have any other reason to be worried, but for some reason, she was. 

“Maps?” You greeted quietly. You called Mapi on purpose. She worried less than Ingrid, and while she disapproved of Camila, she had been pretending that she didn’t. Mapi was more likely to be willing to come and get you. Ingrid, on the other hand, you assumed would be too angry that you hadn’t listened to her. Too vindicated, and too caught up in being right to comfort you. 

“Hey, nena. What’s up?” Mapi asked. 

“Can you come get me?” You mumbled, the embarrassment of the situation really hitting you full force. 

“Send me your location, I’m on my way.” Mapi replied instantly, and you really appreciated that she didn’t try to get any details out of you, was just focused on getting to you as fast as possible. 

“Can you bring Scout?” You asked after a moment’s hesitation, knowing how Mapi felt about bringing the dog in the car with her. The simple question sent another wave of worry through the Spaniard’s body, knowing you really only asked for something you needed when… you really needed it. 

“Of course. Do you want to stay on the phone with me?” Mapi asked, rushing to grab her keys, ignoring the questioning look Ingrid was giving her from the couch, having woken up from a nap. 

“No, it’s okay. I’ll see you soon.” 

“Okay, mi sol. I love you.” 

“Love you too.” You whispered, choking back a sob as you hung up. 

“What is it? Where is she? Is she okay? Did something happen?” Ingrid asked rapidly, moving to get up from the couch. 

“Scout! Ven aqui!” Mapi called, rolling her eyes when the dog appeared instantly, as if he knew the reason for being summoned. “I don’t know, she just asked me to come get her. Don’t get up. Stay here, rest. I’ll get pequeña.” 

“But-” 

“No buts, princesa. Stay here. I’ve got this covered, we’ll be back soon. Don’t move from this couch, I mean it.” Mapi insisted, never one to take Ingrid’s recovery casually. 

Ingrid frowned but sat back down on the couch, watching as her girlfriend and your dog disappeared out the front door, both of them moving like they were on a mission. If there was one thing Mapi could agree with Scout on, it was that you were very important.

-------

When Mapi pulled up in front of the cafe, she saw you sitting with a to-go cup of coffee at a little table, staring at the ground. She parked quickly, finding a spot just around the corner,  before she got out to walk over to you, bringing Scout with her. Scout pulled harshly on his leash, and for once, Mapi didn’t mind. 

“Solstråle?” Mapi called when she got close enough, seeing your head whip up to look in the direction of your name. In a flash, you were abandoning your coffee and all but launching yourself towards Mapi. The Spaniard didn’t say anything, not quite sure what had happened but able to infer that it wasn’t good. 

“Thanks for coming so fast.” You said quietly, feeling just marginally better now that Mapi had pulled you into a tight hug. Scout nudged your leg with his nose rather insistently, until you pulled away from the hug and crouched down to pet him. 

“Of course, mi sol. I’ll always come for you. Did something happen?” Mapi asked, never not amazed by the way Scout instantly brought a small smile to your face, even if your eyes were still slightly wet with tears. 

“We broke up.” You said simply, though your voice cracked over the last word. 

“Oh, nena. I’m so sorry.” Mapi sighed. “Let's get you home, yeah?” 

“Okay.” You agreed, although you really weren’t looking forward to it. You wanted to go home, curl up into a ball and cry, by yourself. At the same time, you desperately wanted a hug from your sister. You were just completely convinced that she wouldn’t be willing to do that. 

-------

You walked into the house just behind Mapi, trying to take deep, steadying breaths. You were close to breaking down, and you didn’t really need to hear all the reasons that Ingrid had known this would happen. You didn’t need an ‘I told you so.’ 

Your sister was waiting for you in the entrance hall, pacing nervously, when you walked in. 

“Solstråle! What happened? Are you okay?” Ingrid asked as soon as you were through the door, ignoring Mapi’s look that was clearly telling her to be cool. 

“It’s fine, I’m fine. I want to be alone.” You said, pushing past her to head for the stairs. You heard Ingrid begin to go after you, but Mapi stopped her, telling her to give you a minute. 

-------

You collapsed onto your bed, Scout jumping up next to you like he thought it was a game. You just wished it would just swallow you up. It was only a few minutes later that you heard footsteps approaching your door, like you knew they would. A soft knock on your door interrupted your crying, and you hastily wiped at your eyes. “Yeah?”

Ingrid peaked her head in. “I know you said you want to be alone, but I just wanted to check…” she said, trailing off when she saw you valiantly fighting your tears. 

“I’m okay.” You mumbled, focusing on petting Scout, as opposed to looking at your sister. 

“Honey, you aren’t.” Ingrid sighed, moving in closer to take a seat on the edge of your bed. “You’re upset, that’s okay. You don’t need to be embarrassed.” 

“Well, I am. You were right. Is that what you wanted to hear?” You asked bitingly, not really intending to snap so harshly at your sister, but not quite sure you felt like you could trust her at the moment. 

“No, sweetheart, that is not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to be wrong about her, solstråle, more than anything. I am so sorry things didn’t end well.” 

“You aren’t glad that you’re right?” You asked, astonished. It didn't really make sense to you; all of this could have been avoided if you’d just listened to your sister. How could she be sorry for you when you’d blatantly ignored her advice? 

Ingrid shook her head, her face painfully full of pity and sympathy. “No, not if it means that you’re hurting.” 

“Oh.” You weren’t quite sure what to do with that. You’d been prepared to deal with this yourself. To be completely honest, you didn’t really feel like you deserved Ingrid’s support. You’d been so stupid not to listen to her. This was all your fault, really, and Ingrid shouldn’t have to deal with implications of something that was ultimately your mistake. “I’m sorry, I should have listened.” You said quietly, looking down, refusing to make eye contact with your sister. 

“Don’t be sorry, solstråle.” Ingrid sighed. You looked so distraught, but you were leaning slightly away from your sister, like you were afraid to accept any comfort from her. Like suddenly, you weren’t sure you trusted her anymore. And though that hurt, Ingrid really couldn’t blame you. Not when the universe seemed so dead set on making you miserable. “What can I do?” 

“I just want to be alone.” You mumbled, wrapping your arms around yourself, completely invalidating your statement. 

“No, you don’t. Look at me.” Ingrid instructed, waiting until you raised your head to look at her, very cautiously. “You’re allowed to be sad about this. No matter what happened, no matter what I said about her before. I never want to see you hurting. You don’t have to deal with this alone just because you made a mistake. Okay?” 

You held your sister’s gaze for a few moments, before you slowly nodded your head. “I really liked her.” You whispered after a minute, leaning almost imperceptibly towards your sister. 

“I know. Come here, honey,” Ingrid said, opening her arms for you to all but collapse into them. It was familiar, at this point, being held tightly in Ingrid’s arms. It never failed to make you feel better. And while Ingrid wished that things would just be easier for you, a very critical part of herself settled when you relaxed against her. The brunette was never quite sure she was doing a good enough job with you, but when you went to her when you were upset, allowed her to help you, even if it was rather hesitantly, it felt reassuring to her. It wasn’t full trust, but you were getting there. She must be doing something right if you were making progress. 

“What would make you feel better?” Ingrid asked after a minute, smiling to herself at how Scout had settled himself with half his upper body draped across your legs. 

“Nothing.” You replied pathetically. It wasn’t the first relationship you’d had, but it felt so much more significant than any of the others had. In just a few weeks, Camila had made herself one of the most important things in your life. You weren’t really sure how she managed it, but somehow, she’d gotten you to confess things you’d told very few people, learned more about you than many people did. And as soon as things had started to not go her way, she’d used all those things against you. It was the first time in a while that you’d really let yourself be fully vulnerable with someone, and it had backfired so horrifically. You were hurt, and you were embarrassed, but most of all, you were just sad. 

You thought this was going to be a turning point for you, but you didn’t realize you’d given Camila all of the ammunition she’d needed to make sure it was the biggest setback you’d face. Not until you were lying in your bed, wanting nothing more than to disappear. You’d been nothing to her. That was a familiar feeling, something that made every cell in your body squirm with anxiety. It was happening again. 

“What are you thinking?” Ingrid asked, interrupting your rapid stream of thoughts. 

“Is it me? Do I just… make people want to treat me badly?” You asked. It wasn’t the first time you’d considered it, but that particular fear had been dormant since everything had happened in the last few weeks. Since Ingrid and Mapi had made it clear that they wanted you here with them. It was confusing and completely contradictory, your brain couldn’t really make sense of it. Your sister and her girlfriend must just be the exception. 

“No.” Ingrid said firmly. “No. It isn’t you. You just have… bad luck. You make me and Mapi want to be better, Solstråle. Better for you, so that we can take care of you in the way that you deserve. You are good, Solstråle, and you deserve good, even when you don’t feel like it.” 

For some reason, Ingrid’s words brought tears to your eyes. Good tears. “Well, I can’t have all bad luck. I get to be here with you two, and I don’t know if I would still be…” you trailed off, trying to figure out what you wanted to say. “You both saved my life, I think. The two of you wanting me here, and taking me in, that’s good luck.” You managed, sitting up and shifting so you were facing your sister, who looked one word away from bursting into tears herself. 

“It’s not good luck, mi sol. It’s what you deserve. It’s what you should have had this whole time.” Mapi chimed in from the doorway, looking fondly at the two of you. Ingrid smiled at her in thanks, humming quietly in agreement with her girlfriend’s statement. The Spaniard wandered in closer, flopping onto the free space on your bed, causing a disgruntled Scout to shift, kicking Mapi lightly in the side. “That girl did not deserve you. And you’ll find someone who wants to treat you the way you deserve. You just can’t rush stuff like that, sí? It will come to you when it does.” 

It was potentially the most frustrating advice to receive, but it made you feel better nonetheless. 

“And she was kind of ugly.” Mapi said as an afterthought. 

“Mapi!” You laughed, smiling a real smile. Both girls’ faces lit up at the sight of the smile on your face, and both of them were desperate for you to keep smiling, for your face not to fall into the sad frown it had been in for the past hour. The conversation lulled, and Ingrid’s mind raced, trying to think of what people liked to do after breakups. She’d been with Mapi for so long, she wasn’t sure she remembered. 

“Do you want to lay in bed alone for the rest of your night, or do you want to watch a movie? Or we could go get ice cream. Or we could go shopping. Or on a run. Or-” Ingrid listed, only stopping when you cut her off. 

“Sister movie night sounds good.” You said softly, unable to express in that moment how much you appreciated how hard she was trying. You knew ingrid probably wanted to talk, to hear everything that had happened, but she was learning to respect that you really only liked to talk when you felt like it. Which wasn’t often. 

“Sister movie night, cool.” Ingrid said, trying to act like she wasn’t thrilled that you’d decided to be with her instead of requesting to be alone. “Go pick a movie, I’ll make popcorn.” 

You all dragged yourselves off your soft comforter, having grown rather comfortable, and headed for your bedroom door. 

“I’ll be in the garage.” Mapi said, smiling at both of you as she tried to wordlessly communicate that she knew you both wanted sister time, and it was okay that it didn’t include her. Both you and Ingrid froze, though, turning slightly to stare at her like she’d said something absurd. 

“Don’t be stupid.” You said, rolling your eyes. “‘Sister movie night’ obviously means ‘sister and her live-in girlfriend’ movie night.” 

Mapi looked a bit surprised, though she shouldn’t have been. There were very few times that you just wanted to be with Ingrid, and those times were becoming less and less frequent as you began to depend on Mapi more and more. “You want me to watch with you?” 

“Sí.” You said, almost exasperated. “Why wouldn’t I want you to hangout with us?”

“I just thought it was Engen sister time…” Mapi trailed off, looking uncharacteristically insecure.  

“Engen León family time.” Ingrid amended, looking at you for approval. You nodded. 

“Who else is going to talk the entire length of the film?” You asked, smirking and sprinting off down the stairs when Mapi gave you an offended look, Scout hot on your heels. 

------

The movie had been a good distraction, not that Mapi or Ingrid really paid much attention to it. Instead, they kept glancing over at where you were curled up on the couch. Scout had taken his place next to you, one of his legs stretching out every now and then to kick in Mapi’s direction. 

The conversation with them had obviously made you feel better, but they were still rather uneasy. You were acting completely normally, all of a sudden. And they didn’t buy it, not for a second. They weren’t sure what had happened, because you hadn’t said, but they knew that it wasn’t good. You’d been infatuated with Camila, and now you were reluctant to speak her name. Whatever had gone on had hurt you, deeply, but in the span of a few hours, you were acting like you were completely fine. 

To you, it just felt like there was no use in thinking about it anymore. Crying over what happened, being sad or angry with Camila wouldn’t help you. It wouldn’t make you feel better. You’d very logically taken stock of your emotions, before deciding that they were completely useless. You were fine. 

Well, maybe not, but you would be fine. Especially if you acted like nothing was wrong. Like you weren’t questioning every choice you’d made with Camila. Like you didn’t hate yourself. Emotions only had power if you gave it to them, you decided. Before, you might have been angry. Now, though, you just… forced it all off, far away. No feeling anything until it hurt less to think about what had happened. 

It seemed like a good plan to you, and you stuck to it. Even when you couldn’t fall asleep that night, your mind swirling with horrible thoughts as you tried to push them away. Eventually, you gave up, putting on a show and forcing yourself to focus on that, instead. 

It was obvious that you hadn’t slept the next morning, walking down to the kitchen like a zombie. Ingrid and Mapi were hoping you’d be a little more forthcoming with what had occurred today, but all hopes of that went out the window when you avoided eye contact with them, a hood pulled over your head, dark bags under your eyes. At least you there was no school, as you had the day off, but they had training, training they couldn’t miss. Neither of them felt very good about leaving you home alone, with no idea what was going on in your head. 

You were blankly shoveling cereal into your mouth when Ingrid got your attention. 

“Solstråle!” She said rather loudly. You jumped slightly, looking across the table at her in confusion. “I said your name 5 times. Did you not hear me?” 

Ingrid didn’t sound mad, just worried, and you felt your throat tighten. 

No. No. No tears. No sadness. That wouldn’t help. Self pity wouldn’t help. The only thing to do was to move forward. 

“Sorry. I’m just tired. Had coffee too late yesterday, couldn't sleep.” You mumbled, turning your attention back to the ceramic bowl in front of you. Your thoughts wandered, briefly, to the fact that since you’d moved in, there hadn’t been a single day where there wasn’t a box of your favorite cereal in the pantry. You really must have been feeling the complete lack of sleep, because that thought alone almost had you tearing up. 

“Come to training today. María is out on the grass, again, you can watch.” Ingrid suggested softly. 

You shook your head though, swallowing the lump in your throat. You didn’t want to be far from them, but you also knew that if they kept being so nice to you, you weren’t going to be able to keep it together. 

“I’m really tired, I just want to stay here.” You replied.  Ingrid looked like she wanted to argue, but Mapi nodded from where she stood at the fridge, filling her water.

“That’s okay. Stay here, have a chill day. We’ll be back after lunch.” She walked over to you, squeezing your shoulder kindly. The Spaniard said goodbye, before exiting the kitchen. Ingrid hung back, not really caring at all that she might make them late. 

Your sister stood from her spot at the table, and you mumbled a quiet goodbye, only looking up when she came to stand right next to you. Her hand pulled your hood down, her fingers tilting your chin up to look at her. Her face was pinched with concern, and you felt a pang of guilt that you were doing this again. Making them worry about you. 

“Try to sleep or something? You looked exhausted, sweetheart. No runs or hikes or climbs, please. Just stay here?” Ingrid asked, making sure to frame her request as a question, and not a command. 

“Okay.” You agreed, far too tired to even think about any of those things. You knew Ingrid just wanted you to stay where she knew you were, which was fine. You were honestly just surprised she hadn’t dragged you to training with her. 

She lightly patted your cheek, leaning down to kiss your forehead. “Be good. I love you.” 

“Love you too. Play safe.” 

You were wide awake, completely wired. Even as everything inside of you told you that you should be tired, you felt like you might never sleep again. You kept your promise to your sister, though, collapsing onto the couch and putting a show on. Scout came to lay with you, falling asleep easily in your lap. You were jealous of your dog, you realized. It was an amusing thought, but all you felt was… Empty. Nothing. Because if you let yourself laugh, you were sure it would turn into sobs, and you couldn’t do that. 

You just had to be strong.

-------

You got into bed early that night, hoping that the added time laying down would help you fall asleep. You were so exhausted, truly, but as you laid in bed at 8pm, you knew instinctively that you wouldn’t be able to sleep again. Everytime you drifted off, your thoughts drifted too, and you’d jerk awake, struck with a reminder of what Camila had said. Her words were haunting you. Everytime you closed your eyes, you could see the sneer on her face as she spoke, and hear the cruel words she’d spoken. 

You were beginning to think she was right about you. How were you so screwed up after a relationship ended that had only lasted a few weeks to begin with? You thought you loved her, yes, but you were being dramatic. You shouldn’t be this devastated, and in your head, this only reinforced that idea that Camila had been right. You were too immature. You were too messed up. No one was ever going to want to deal with you. 

A soft knock on your door dragged you out of your thoughts, thankfully. 

“Come in,” you called. Mapi pushed the door open, taking in the rather unnaturally clean room around her. You’d gone crazy cleaning the night before, putting away all the clothes strewn across the floor. It was neat and clutter free in there now, and Mapi’s heart melted at the sight of the framed photo on your nightstand. It was of the three of you, a candid that Frido had taken after a match. It was little things like this that made Mapi deeply happy, and deeply sad all at once. For six months you’d lived here, and they’d given you the space they thought you needed. It was so far from what you actually needed, though, and Mapi couldn’t help the guilt that filled her at the thought. All she and Ingrid could do now, though, was do better. 

So, she entered your room, holding out a mug towards you. It was the one she’d picked out at Ikea, the one with the map and the sun. You knew for a fact that you’d used it this morning for your coffee, which meant Mapi must have pulled it out of the dishwasher and hand washed it herself, so she could bring it up to you. 

“I made you tea.” She said, taking a seat on the edge of your bed as you grabbed the mug from her. 

“Did you think caffeine would help me sleep?” You asked skeptically. 

She rolled her eyes. “No, idiota, it is sleepytime tea. There’s no caffeine.” 

You took a cautious sip, smiling a bit when you liked the taste. 

“My mami always made it for me when I couldn’t sleep.” Mapi said quietly. “Thought it might help tonight since you decided to become nocturnal yesterday.” 

Ingrid and Mapi really toed the line of parent vs. sister / guardian. It was often a sisterly relationship, you thought, with both of them. When you would tease each other, or argue about borrowing their clothes. Other times, it felt completely parent-y. When they’d make you go to bed early, or annoy you about studying for a test. 

This situation definitely fell into the latter category, and you found that you minded it less and less. 

“It’s good.” You told her, taking another sip. “And I didn’t decide to become nocturnal. It just kind of happened.”

Mapi hummed, looking around the room again. You just had the string lights above your bed on, the room lit also by the soft glow of the TV, as your favorite sitcom played. You’d lit a candle, and you were bundled up under the covers of your bed, clearly trying hard to be comfortable. Clearly trying very hard to sleep. 

You looked so tired, it made her heart ache, and she knew Ingrid felt the same. Ingrid, who Mapi was absolutely sure was hovering outside the door, not wanting to overwhelm you. You seemed… fragile. Like you were one step away from breaking at any given moment, and neither of them wanted that to happen before you were ready. Ingrid was just as worried about you, though, and she’d only agreed not to go in if Mapi promised to make you promise something. 

“Can you promise to wake us up tonight if you can’t sleep?” Mapi said finally, looking intently at you. 

With a sigh, you shrugged. “What good would that do?”

“You wouldn’t have to be alone.” Mapi said simply, watching as a flicker of emotion flashed across your face. You didn’t have to be alone anymore. Sometimes you forgot. “If you don’t promise, Ingrid is probably going to come in here every hour or something and check on you.” 

With a roll of your eyes, and a big sigh that you didn’t really mean, you nodded. “Fine.” 

“Good.” Mapi grinned. “Goodnight, mi sol. Te quiero.” 

“Goodnight.” You replied. “Tell Ingrid in the hall goodnight too.” 

The Spaniard chuckled. “I will. Sleep tight.”

With that, she leaned down, pressing a kiss onto your forehead, before she slipped out of the room. Hushed whispers came from the hall and you smiled to yourself, just a bit. Ingrid was such a weirdo sometimes. 

-------

It was around 2am when you broke. You’d tried everything you could think of to fall asleep, and nothing had worked. Worse, the lack of sleep was really getting to you and you were feeling ridiculously emotional. When you promised Mapi you’d wake them up if you couldn’t sleep again, you hadn’t meant it. Now, though, as you lay awake in your bed, tears threatening to fall, you really didn’t want to be alone. You weren’t sure how they could help, or even if you wanted help, but you knew that the indisputably healthy choice to make here would be to go to them. And you were trying to be better for yourself. 

Even as Camila’s words rattled around in your head, and you were half convinced you were an awful person, about to become even worse by waking Ingrid and Mapi up, you got up from your bed, and walked down the hall. 

There were a lot of notable moments in your time in Spain. A lot of them consisted of long, emotional talks with Ingrid and Mapi. And you knew that this was likely what you were headed for. It was naive to think you could hold everything that had happened in, keep it all to yourself. Especially when you’d kind of gotten used to sharing things with them, as horrifying as that thought was. You weren’t nervous, like usual, though. You just wanted them to tell you that everything she’d said was wrong. 

Scout followed you down the hall, slightly annoyed that you’d woken him up when you got up. He liked to sleep with some part of him touching you, so it was inevitable that when you woke, Scout did too. Your sister’s bedroom door was open, and you peeked in, half second guessing yourself. Both of them were asleep. It was a cool night, by Barcelona’s standards, which was obvious by Mapi’s sweatshirt and sweatpants that she’d worn to bed, as well as the extra blanket pulled over her. Ingrid, on the other hand, had kicked the comforter off of her, sleeping in just a tshirt and shorts. They were laying facing each other, their hands tangled together, like they’d fallen asleep talking. 

They were sleeping. They’d had a long week. They had training the following day. You shouldn’t wake them. They looked comfortable and peaceful, and you shouldn’t ruin that. You turned to go back to your room, biting your lip to stop yourself from crying at how utterly alone you suddenly felt. 

You were sure you hadn’t made any noise, but still, a whispered voice stopped you in your tracks. 

“Solstråle?” Ingrid asked quietly, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing, go back to sleep.” You said, trying to keep your voice steady. It evidently didn’t work, because not a second later, Ingrid was flicking the lamp on, looking at you with a sympathetic expression on her face. Next to your sister, her girlfriend huffed in annoyance, still practically asleep, pulling the covers up and over her head. Ingrid rolled her eyes, before fixing her attention back on you.

“Come here.” Ingrid instructed, gesturing you closer to the bed. You walked over, feeling ridiculously like a small child waking their parents up after a bad dream. “You can’t sleep?”

“No.” You said miserably, roughly wiping away a stray tear. 

“How can I help? Do you want to talk?” She asked worriedly, brutally kicking Mapi in the shin as she did so, thinking that her girlfriend would be somewhat helpful in this situation, even if she was half asleep. The Spaniard grumbled unhappily, but emerged from under the covers just as you responded. 

“I don’t know, I just can’t stop thinking about her.” You whispered, truly not confident that anything could make you feel better in that moment. 

Mapi sat up, patting the middle of the bed invitingly. It was a king, and there was plenty of room, but you looked between her and Ingrid skeptically. 

“I’m not a child.” You said a bit harshly, thinking of Camila calling you immature. If only she could see you now. 

“We know. You just broke up with your girlfriend, though, and you haven’t slept in over a day. You are sad and exhausted, and it isn’t childish to need help.” Mapi said kindly, very dramatically scooching over so there was more room for you. 

You floundered for a minute, not quite sure what to do. You were an adult. An adult. And Ingrid and Mapi were not your parents. The appeal was there, though, to climb into the bed and tell them everything. To let yourself break when you knew they’d keep track of all the pieces, and put you back together. “Can I have more tea?” You blurted out, looking at Mapi. You weren’t really sure where that came from, but she nodded enthusiastically, rising from the bed, practically taking off for the kitchen in a sprint. 

“I’ll go make some!” 

You turned back to Ingrid, chewing aggressively on your lip. She rolled her eyes at you, teasingly, before she pointendly looked between you and the bed. 

“Get in the damn bed.” Ingrid sighed. It was easier, when she was telling you exactly what to do, because you didn’t have to worry about picking the wrong answer. You settled on the bed, right in the middle, and Ingrid threw an arm around your shoulders, pulling you to lean your head on her shoulder. 

“Ingrid?” You said after a minute, so quietly, your sister almost missed it. 

“Hmm?” 

“Do you think I’m immature?” You asked. 

Ingrid thought for a moment. “No. I think you’ve had to grow up really fast, and you’ve had to make a lot of big adjustments. You are more mature because of all of that. Why?”

You knew she would hate what you were going to say. “Camila said I was.” 

Ingrid grew tense next to you. “That’s because she was a 26 year old woman dating an 18 year old. What was she fucking expecting?” Ingrid said venomously. 

Mapi walked back into the room, taking care to be quiet, as it looked like you were deep in thought. She placed the mug of tea on her nightstand before she sat on the bed next to you, turning so she could see your face.

“Did she say anything else?” Ingrid asked cautiously. 

You opened your mouth to tell her that, no, Camila hadn’t said anything else. Instead, words flowed out of your mouth that you hadn’t decided to say, but you were unable to contain them. “She called me jealous and immature. She said the ‘mommy issues’ were really obvious, that I was insecure and clingy, and that I wasn’t worth it. That no one would want to put up with me.” 

You said it so forlornly, so resigned to what this awful woman had told you, Ingrid felt an anger she’d never experienced before rise within her. Neither she nor Mapi knew what to say right away, collecting their thoughts. You broke the silence again, though, after only a few seconds. 

“I think she’s right.” You said, your voice breaking clearly. You pressed your hands to your face, body shaking with silent sobs. 

“No, mi sol, no,” Mapi said softly, scooting closer to rest a hand on your knee. 

Ingrid took a breath, trying to swallow her anger, rubbing your arm with her hand comfortingly. “Solstråle, you are none of those things. That awful woman has no idea who you are, not really. You are not immature, you are 18. There is a huge difference. And you are so much more than what happened with mom. You are so many good things despite mom, sweetheart, and Camila doesn’t know what she’s talking about. She just wanted to hurt you, none of that is true.” Ingrid said insistently. 

“Why would she want to hurt me? I thought she liked me. I don’t understand.” You replied, still keeping your face hidden away in your hands. 

“Because she isn’t a good person, and she doesn’t deserve you. And you don’t understand because you are good, mi sol. So good.” 

“Then why do such horrible things keep happening?” You asked, voice raised slightly in frustration. You pulled your hands away from your face, looking between your sister and her girlfriend with a tearstained, bewildered face. “I’m trying to be good, I’m trying so hard, why is this so hard?”

Both girls felt their hearts break a little at your words. Ingrid wrapped both her arms around you, pulling you into her chest as you cried. “I know, Solstråle, it’s not fair. It’s going to get better. I promise you, it is.”

“I’m tired of everything being so hard.” You cried, shutting your eyes tightly as you spoke. You felt a soft hand brushing your hair away from your forehead, felt Ingrid leave a kiss on your forehead. “I’m tired.”

You meant it figuratively, and literally, and Mapi and Ingrid knew that very well. The best thing they could do for you now, would be to get you calm enough to sleep. It was happening without them trying very hard, honestly. You could barely keep your eyes open, even as soft sobs fell from your mouth. 

“It’s not going to be hard forever. I promise you, mi sol.” Mapi said, looking intently at you, though you didn’t look back at her. 

“I’m so tired.” You repeated, barely making sense. You were almost delirious with exhaustion, your emotional outburst only making it worse. 

“Sleep, solstråle. We are right here. Everything will feel better in the morning. You aren’t going to feel like this forever. Just relax, and sleep. We love you so much.” 

And even as you nodded, all the fight and worry of being too much for them flooding from your body, you wondered if they were right. If everything would feel better. 

If anyone would ever really want you. 

You drifted off ridiculously easily, curled up next to your sister, your brain going quiet for the first time in days. Once Ingrid was sure you were asleep, she turned to her girlfriend, who was tucking the blankets around you nice and tight. 

“I am going to kill that girl.” Ingrid murmured, feeling absurdly protective over you. 

“I will kill her first.” Mapi vowed. 

“She isn’t allowed to date again until she’s 50.” Ingrid said, a frown etched on her face. 

Mapi cracked a smile. “Good luck with that, mi amor.” 

Ingrid shook her head. “I can’t stand to see her like this.” 

The Spaniard turned serious again, nodding her agreement. “It’s gonna get better, Ingrid. It’s not going to be perfect, but she’s already better. She just needs time.” 

“I wish I could take it from her, so she could just be happy all the time.” Ingrid admitted, flicking the lamp off, her voice barely more than a whisper. 

“I do too.” Mapi whispered back. She and Ingrid looked at each other over your slumbering form, each seeing their exact feelings reflected in the other’s face, even with their features obscured by darkness. They just wanted things to be better for you. Easier and lighter and happier. They’d do anything, get you the moon if you wanted it. They didn’t consider if they were giving you all they could, that maybe you needed something else. They just promised themselves that they wouldn’t rest until you were happier, whatever it took. Whatever it took for you, because you were their sol, and nothing on earth was more important to them than your happiness. 

-------

my name is girlgenius1111 and i like to make my fictional kid suffer give me all your thoughts on this installment of sol ☀️

#woso imagine #woso x reader #ingrid engen x mapí leon #ingrid engen x reader #mapi leon x reader #engen!reader #platonic reader #🍓☀️ #woso one shot #woso fanfics

[abstractnaturaldisaster]

is it over now? (was it over then?)

part four

part five: i was hoping you'd be there

Robin managed to keep her shit together for approximately ten minutes after she stopped watching Steve make his way through security and into the depths of the airport. In the ride back to Steve's place, her leg was shaking so much Nancy discreetly grabbed Robin's pinky and held it in the back of the car.

The rest of the trafficky route back to Steve's all Robin could think about was how to fix things. She knew Steve didn't tell her about Eddie so she could fix things and Steve didn't run off to Italy to hide from everything but the situation still bothered Robin. She hadn't known Eddie for a terribly long time but he made her dingus happy so she held him in relatively high regard. It didn't make sense for him to just cut tail and run without leaving some sort of door open for a resolution and Robin was going to her darndest to figure out how on earth she could find that crack.

When they got back to Steve's apartment, Nancy didn't let Robin go long without asking for an explanation.

"Robs, babe, what is going on?" Nancy asked.

"I need to figure out how to solve Steve and Eddie." Robin answered.

"I don't think Steve wants you too. He seemed pretty resolved to close that chapter." Nancy urged.

"I know what he said but that's not what he wants. Also Eddie is a huge dummy if he doesn't realize how good he had it with Steve and also that Steve would never cheat on anyone. Especially not after y'all's whole thing. No offense." Robin continued.

"Okay so we aren't letting this go. What's the plan?" Nancy asked.

"Thanks for your support, love. I just can't figure out why Eddie jumped to the conclusion that you and Steve were together again. I mean no offense but like that ship very publicly sailed," Robin said.

"I'm trying really hard not to take offense but the more often you say it the more I am having trouble not being offended," Nancy snarked.

"Sorry, dingus wormed his way into my little heart long before you so I still gotta give you shit over soulmate solidarity. But back to the matter at hand. Eddie only assumed you would only be visiting Steve if you were trying to get back together when really you were coming to see little old me. So what if I came out. Like what if we came out? And shared some of the pictures from like super early on and thanked Steve for being a great friend for many years when I wasn't ready to take that step," Robin knew she was rambling but, hell, she was on a roll.

"Are you ready for that? I'm happy to take your lead on all this. It's not like we haven't already told everyone who is actually important to us. I mostly write freelance nowadays anyways so there isn't really some big bag corporate overlord I need to worry about. You know Steve doesn't need you to do this? It's one thing if you're ready to come out on your own, it's a whole different thing to do it for someone else," Nancy counseled.

"I really think I'm ready. I'm sick of Steve feeling like he needs to come to everything with me and you're stateside a lot more often and I'd love to go out on dates without the next day having like a million articles speculate if you're trying to move in on Steve. I think it's time," Robin rationalized.

"All right, then. We're doing this. Should we use this as an excuse to make Jon take cute couple pictures of us?" Nancy giggled a little at her suggestion.

"Yes! Perfect. Get him over here. Operation Save Dingus from his Self Sacrifice is a go!" Robin jumped up on the couch to make her point and Nancy immediately had to come to her aid as she wobbled enough to lose her balance.

Robin was excited. She was ready for the next step with Nancy and if it helped Steve get out of his own head and/or convinced a certain metalhead with very few remaining braincells to get his head out of his ass then so be it. Robin couldn't wait to think of all the sappy shit Nancy would pretend to be annoyed at she'd be able to do now. Steve would be back in a few weeks so Robin anxiously awaited Jon's response and started several caption ideas in her notes app.

@lololol-1234 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @zombiethingy @grtwdsmwhr @dreamercec @anne-bennett-cosplayer @strawberryyyenthusiast @mensch-anthropos-human @kal-ology @ttyrussss @kristmkris @starman-jpg @wonderland-girl143-blog @child-of-cthulhu @legalmenace87 (if you wanna be tagged in future parts feel free to comment! happy to add people)

it's not quite fixed yet but we are getting so close!!!

#steve x eddie #eddie munson #steve harrington #steddie fic #steddie #don't worry robin will fix it #angst #angst with a happy ending #rockstar eddie #actor steve #was it over then ficlet

[nieokielznane]

I also have another thing to say cus I'm so tired at this point but again are we watching the same clip? Cus toxic buddies are saying how Eddie is jealous in this scene and once again I'm like: ??? Where?

And listen, maybe it's bcus I'm aroace but I don't see any jealousy. Like when Eddie says: "I didn't know that you can bring a date to the bachelor party" he's not only clearly joking but also he's smiling.

Then when he hands Tommy his drink he still doesn't seem jealous to me.

Like guys where you get the jealous vibes from? Like I genuinely don't see it. All I see is a friend being supportive of his two friends dating.

#9 1 1 #9 1 1 abc #911 spoilers #bucktommy #tevan #my opinion #evan buckley #tommy kinard #eddie diaz

[billwidoll]

Come back to me please

_____________________

You were at Topper's party, looking bewildered for your boyfriend Rafe, you asked everyone, but no one knew where he was. Except Topper.

"Hey Topper..." You say, approaching him, getting closer as the music was loud.

"hi yn! Enjoying the party?" Topper says drinking his drink. Topper was the king of parties and Rafe was the king of Outer banks Fact.

"Not really, I'm looking for Rafe, have you seen him?"

You ask loudly, you didn't drink or like parties much, you only went because of Rafe. You were the golden girl, you didn't drink, you didn't smoke, you were perfect and everyone was surprised when you and Rafe made it official, even Topper imagined that his friend would date a bitch, But Rafe chose you because it was love at first sight.

You had already been dating for 2 years, and Rafe was making plans for your future with him, you knew Rafe's fame, but you put that aside and clung to loving him.

"I think he's smelling dust with the kelce on top"

Topper speaks normally and you immediately get angry, as Rafe had promised he would stop it. You thank him and say goodbye to Topper.

You go up and see several rooms, and you ask everyone which room Rafe was in, until they pointed to a room that was in the last one. And you go there, ready to give a scolding In Rafe, you just didn't expect what was going to happen.

You approach the room and open the door, and you see Rafe Cameron, sucking Sophia, his best friend's breasts.

"Wow!" You speak with tears welling in your eyes and impulsively end up dropping your cell phone.

Rafe quickly sees you and stands up with a pale face.

"My love....and....I can explain...." Rafe speaks stuttering and getting closer to you and holding your arm.

"friend...we can explain" Sophia adds, and you become completely mobile, without any kind of reaction, and that terrified Rafe.

"Sophia get out of here now!" Rafe shouts, thinking Sophia would ruin his explanation.

"what about us Rafe?" Sophia asks how the victim was her. Rafe takes a quick look at her and she runs away.

"Love... don't cry... don't do this to me, it hurts too much" Rafe says holding your face and you're still a statue.

You stand up and move a little away from Rafe.

"I only have one thing to tell you: I loved you and I did my part, I thought we were going to get married and have two children like you wanted"

You throw it in his face, and his heart starts beating too fast. Rafe had just had a fight with his father, and it got on his nerves, so to distract himself he went to his father's party Topper, there he saw Sophia in a tight and short dress, seducing him, he unfortunately fell for her fetish.

"Whatever you say, I love you, I'm crazy about you, you're the woman I want to have kids with and marry, I want you to be a Cameron."

Rafe speaks crying and despairing, he was very afraid of losing the only person he truly loved.

"Bye Rafe... I hope you take care, okay?" You say, approaching the door, until Rafe jumps at you.

“Don’t give up on me, please don’t give up” Rafe cries pinning you against the door.

"no Rafe, that was the last straw" you reply, and Rafe insists once again.

"I belong to you and only you, love" Rafe speaks sobbing, and perhaps it could be more emotional manipulation that he was trying to do.

But it's true that Rafe was distressed by the fact that you might disappear from his life.

"Only you, my girl, only you, love, Only you, my girl, only you, babe"

Rafe repeats several times, placing his hands on your face and kissing you forcefully, clearly you pull away.

"Rafe! You've wronged me several times, okay? And I always forgive you, but this time you really hurt me"

You explain and unfortunately it doesn't enter Rafe's head.

"No! No! And not! You won't leave me now or ever!!!"

Rafe shouts at you and this scares you, putting you back, he approaches you to try to kiss you or hug you, but you kneel on Rafe's dick, and he falls to the floor. And you run from there. After that day, Rafe never saw you again.

Five years later

_____________________

Rafe was at the Country Club, with Topper and Kelce. Rafe didn't play golf anymore, he didn't work anymore, he didn't date anymore, and he was poorly looked after, Rafe only cared about drinking and sleeping.

"Hey man! Are you aware of the gossip?" Topper says drinking his water.

"what is it huh?" Rafe asks, drinking his whiskey as always.

"The wonderful yn, being back, married and with children"

When Topper says this, Rafe chokes on the whiskey he was drinking, he never saw you again. After the breakup, you went to Los Angeles and never responded to any of Rafe's messages.

"Married? And what do you mean with children?" Rafe asks trying to compose himself.

"and man! The girl is in luxury, her husband is a millionaire back in New York." Topper speaks, and Rafe is furious with those comments.

"so what? I'm a millionaire too" Rafe says trying to think he's better than his husband.

"Ah Rafe, let's be honest, you've run out of money and practically your father's, you haven't risen to your future friend"

Topper speaks wisely, and Rafe knew he was right and that's what you were talking about and he didn't listen and he regretted it

"you know what? I'm going to go to her" Rafe says, taking his wallet and leaving the money on the counter.

"Who she?" Topper says confused.

"the woman of my life" Rafe says looking directly into Topper's eyes.

"Man, she has two kids and a husband, do you think she's still stuck in the past?" Topper speaks leaving Rafe crestfallen, but that wouldn't stop him from going after you.

"just tell me where she is Topper!!!" Rafe yells, pulling on the ring on Topper's shirt.

"they told me she was at her old house, bro" Topper speaks in despair at his friend's desperation.

Rafe immediately gets on his bike and goes out to look for you.

_____________________

Rafe arrives at his old house, and you weren't Kook, you were Pogue, and you had a simple one.

Rafe parks his motorbike, and he sees you in the garden of the house, playing with your two young children and a dog. Rafe gets emotional at that scene, and starts to cry.

It didn't take long for you to see Rafe, and when you did, you didn't know it was Rafe, you thought he was an ordinary man, watching you and your children play.

You approach the man who was watching that scene and go to him and ask.

"Can I help you?" You ask, holding one child in your arms and another in your hand.

Rafe raises his head, and you can see better that it was the former great love of your life.

"Have I changed so much that my ex-girlfriend doesn't recognize me?"

Rafe made a light humorless joke, he was very sad but wanted to appear normal in front of you.

"oh my god! Rafe! Wow! And.... you look so... different"

You say really shocked, Rafe was really different.

"Do you want to come in? Do you want anything? We can talk, don't you think?" You ask him formally, and Rafe nods his head and nods accepting his invitation.

Rafe enters your house, and everything really was the same, everything was the same when you were dating.

"Don't fix the mess, please" you say, giving Rafe a slight smile, and you put your son in the crib and your other son on the floor to play with the cars.

"no... it's perfect. It really is beautiful" Rafe says, smiling at you too and you go to the kitchen to prepare some juice.

Rafe can't help but ask, the biggest question in his celebration.

"why did you come back....?" Rafe asks creating a tension in his words.

"I'm going to renovate this house and sell it as a beach house" you say, still smiling. Rafe couldn't believe you looked like that. Were you mad at him? I was sad? Or worse, was it over? There were many questions in Rafe's head.

"Really? You came to the Outer Banks just to sell this house?" Rafe says hoping you tell him you missed him.

"No, actually I saw it, show the beaches to my children, there in New York, we were just getting used to the cold and the city." You made it by gluing the tea to the cup for you and Rafe.

"Ah... I see... your children are cute...." Rafe says, getting confused in his answers, but he was sad and depressed.

"But what about you, Rafe Cameron? How are you? Are you still the biggest playboy in town?" You say smiling and giving him the glass of tea.

"Nah...my life is...crazy as hell" Rafe says once again scratching his head and looking down "but you're okay, right? You're already married and with kids, and from what I know the guy and one hell of a Millionaire, right?”

You noticed right away that Rafe wasn't feeling well at all, and that he was suffering from anxiety, you were angry with him, you were very young when you separated.

"Yes....I evolve in life Rafe" you say a little more intensely, without knowing the relationship as Rafe was.

"that's good! I'm very happy for you..." Rafe says with tears welling up in his eyes and you realize at some point

"Rafe? Hey! Look at me, are you crying?" You ask, putting down your tea, and moving closer to Rafe.

He lowers his head trying to hide it, but he was already sobbing.

"It was supposed to be us...it was supposed to be us, my love!" Rafe says, crying a lot and putting his hand on his face.

"Rafe...what we experienced was in the past..." You try to speak in a way that doesn't hurt him.

He shakes his head no and you sigh.

"Look....I'm sure if I didn't make mistakes with you in the past, maybe we would be a perfect family!!"

Rafe says, crying with anger, he was angry with himself for doing something horrible to you. You were speechless, you didn't know what to feel, you loved your new husband, but you loved Rafe... regardless of everything.

"I love you! My life turned into hell when you left it" Rafe says, grabbing your face and getting closer to his "I fell into drugs and drinks, I never felt attracted to you again no woman , I lost my inheritance, I'm running out of YN..."

"Rafe..." Just as you were about to start talking to Rafe, someone interrupted.

"Honey, I'm here!" Her husband speaks, opening the door and finding Rafe beside her.

"Oh dear!" You speak completely unprepared, you didn't realize that it was time for your husband to arrive. Rafe's face changes to hatred and contempt

Your husband drops his suit on the chair and approaches you, giving you a peck on the lips and then holding your waist. When Rafe saw that, all he could think about was pain and suffering.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend, my dear?" Your husband encourages you to talk about Rafe and you swallow hard.

"this one is Rafe Cameron, my old.... friend" you say with a heavy heart. And that hurts Rafe a lot.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Rafe" her husband raises his hand to greet Rafe, only for Rafe to leave abruptly "What did I do wrong?" Your husband asks confused.

You run after Rafe, and it was starting to rain. You keep running Rafe, who was heading towards his bike.

"Rafe! Stop! Stop! Please listen to me!" You say, grabbing his arm and trying to turn him around to make him face you.

"Stop what?! Hu?! My life is shit because of you! And you're making it worse!!"

Rafe shouts in your face, as the rain starts to get heavier.

"You betrayed me, Rafe!!! It's not my fault that your life is horrible!!!" You respond by screaming and pushing his chest

Rafe laughs without humor

"oh and? You have the husband of your dreams, a house of your dreams, you have two children and a dog, your life is wonderful!!"

Rafe says, making you so angry that you end up slapping him in the face.

"I was supposed to do this five years ago!"

When you turn to go back to your house, Rafe ends up pulling you and kissing you intensely.

The kiss had passion, anger, sadness, longing, desire, it had emotions, and that kiss was a sudden goodbye between Rafe and you.

You stop kissing and look at each other, and your look says everything Rafe wanted to know. You were married to a wonderful man and a millionaire, you had two children and a dog, you already had a life Formed. Rafe, on the other hand, had drugs and drinks. And you couldn't let go of that, for Rafe, unfortunately.

Rafe immediately understands that and he nods, understanding what you meant.

"Goodbye Rafe Cameron..."

_____________________

#dark rafe cameron #drew starkey #drew starkey smut #margot robbie #outerbanks rafe #rafe cameron #rafe cameron blurb #rafe cameron drabble #rafe cameron fanfic #rafe cameron headcanons #rafe cameron imagine #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron outer banks #rafecore #obx rafe cameron #rafe obx #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron moodboard #rafe cameron obx #rafe cameron oneshot #rafe cameron prompt #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron thoughts #rafe cameron x female reader #rafe cameron x you #rafe fanfiction #rafe fic #rafe imagine #rafe smut #rafe x reader

[weird-an]

"You," House says, chewing on Wilson's sandwich and staring at Wilson like he's about to eat him next. "You are jealous of my patient."

"Jealous?" Wilson raises a brow. Where does this come from? It's an intriguing case, House has even met the patient. Sure, the guy is dying snd House can't figure out why, so House sat in his room - for an entire hour. "You're being ridiculous."

"Don't worry, I'm not Cameron, I won't marry a dying man," House continues. "Although he offered me a blowjob."

That bastard obviously waited until Wilson drank from his smoothie.

"What?" Wilson wheezes, choking on strawberries and bananas.

"See?" House nods like he's got all the proof he needed and takes Wilson's smoothie, emptying the bottle in one big gulp. "Of course he didn't say anything like that, he's intubated."

This is way more relieving than it should be. Wilson hates himself a little more. What kind of doctor is happy about that?

Luckily Wilson is still coughing and has to concentrate on breathing - so he chooses living, not answering.

"But I figured out what's wrong with him, so we might go on a date." Apparently House is on a mission to ruin Wilson's day.

"You aren't gay," he says weakly, ears burning a little. He would know that, wouldn’t he? But then again it's House. Who really knows?

House rolls his eyes. "You're so pedantic."

"You never liked guys," Wilson states the obvious.

House has the audacity to grin at him. "Wrong."

What? Wilson only manages a composition of indignant noises.

House is a bastard who doesn't take pity at his burbling. "I like guys the way you like guys, Jimmy."

Wilson glares at House - the people cafeteria must probably think he's having a hypertensive crisis.

"I've found the magazine," House announces proudly, actually waving a magazine which looks suspiciously like Butt at Wilson's face. It's probably one Wilson forgot to hide when House has been coming over (hiding things from House is as thrilling as it is annoying sometimes - and Wilson is awfully good at it).

"Not so loud," Wilson shushes him. He's a little scared. People may be listening.

"What?" House feigns mock surprise. "You aren't out at work?"

"Now I probably am, thanks to you," Wilson grumbles. He can already hear Cuddy calling him into her office, telling him all about acceptance.

House just shrugs - of course he doesn't care what other people think.

"So… you like guys?" Wilson whispers.

"I love dick," House almost yells. "And tits, too." Great, now people are staring. Wilson wants to hide under the table - or get a new job in another state. Only that House would find him there, too.

Wilson sighs. "You're not really wanting to do your patient, do you?"

"If you want to bang, you can just ask," House says so casually like he's talking about the weather -only that House never talks about the weather or mundane shit like that. "Pretty sure I am your type."

He is. In a way that nobody else can be. Not that Wilson ever intended for House to figure that out.

"Asshole with a cane?" Wilson grins.

"That's not a no," House tells him.

"It's not," Wilson agrees. House got a really pretty smile, he thinks.

#if you don't think house wouldn't out anybody publicly… have we watched the same show? #apologies to the patient for getting used as yet another plot device and now coming out device #house md #hilson #wilson x house #james wilson #gregory house #hatecrimes md

[6rookie-writer0110]

Part 2 - Middle of the Night

Male Reader x Maria Hill

Request - If I may make a suggestion for a sequel for "Middle of the Night" with Thor's brother, you could have him bring her to Asgard. He says something like "Get a look at your future kingdom" since Odin wants him to take over since Thor rejected the crown in Thor Dark World and Loki can't.

•

Just want to see how Maria would react to being his queen. Even though he already treats her like one. His mum likes her for him and encourages him to marry her in Asgard and have children with her.

You are still on earth and spend a lot of time with Maria. The relationship is getting stronger and she is starting to smile more around you. Maria went on a mission and you are happy to see her, you hugged her and she kissed you on the lips.

“I’m happy to see you” Maria smiled.

“I know it has only been a few days, but it felt longer,” You said.

She smiled and she started to kiss you again. You live with Maria and she likes it when you are affectionate. Before you, she only has been on dates but nothing serious.

“I want to take you to Asgard. Come with me, my love” You smiled.

“You really want me to go to Asgard with you?” Maria asked.

“Yes. Why would I lie about it? I want to show you Asgard” You said.

“Okay, I will go with you” Maria smiled.

“This is great! My parents will be happy to meet you, especially my mom” You smiled.

Maria started to feel nervous because you mentioned meeting your parents. She listens to you talk about your childhood and you are excited about going back home.

✫ ✯ ✫ ✯

You and Maria are in Asgard, you took her on the rainbow bridge to get there. She is in shock at how it looks and how big it is.

“Wow, this place is amazing. Thor would always talk about how it looked but I didn't expect to be like this” Maria said.

You put your hand around her waist and you smiled.

“Get a look at your future kingdom," You said.

“Wait, what?” Maria said.

You were going to say something else but your parents arrived. They hugged you and Maria then you introduced her to your family.

“Y/N, we are so happy that you came and we are happy that you met someone,” Frigga said.

“Thank you, mom. I’m going to show her around for a little while” You said.

“Just make it back in time for the feast,” Odin said.

“Why a feast? I thought it would be us four” Maria said.

“We must celebrate the wedding we are going to plan here in Asgard,” Odin said.

“The what!?” Maria yelled.

You dragged her away and she kept asking questions, while your parents talked about the wedding. You take her to the lake to be alone and just talk.

“Y/N, why are they talking about a wedding?” Maria asked.

“My parents want me to rule Asgard. Thor rejected to be king and well you met Loki. I love you and I see you as the queen of Asgard. But I will never force you to marry me” You said.

“Do you mean everything that you said?” Maria asked.

“Yes, I will never lie to you about my love for you. You deserve everything and more” You said.

She wraps her arms around you and she starts to kiss you passionately. Then you start to show her where people live and more. Maria is amazed at how Asgard looks and the animals.

You take her to the castle and she is speechless. You show her around and tell her about the family history. Then you take her to the balcony and she loves the view. You hug her from behind and wrapped your arms around her body. You kissed her shoulder and she put her hands on top of your hands.

“You are beautiful" You smiled.

“You are handsome” Maria smiled.

You and Maria continued to look at the view. She turns around and gently touches your cheek and you start to kiss her.

“I love you, Y/N” Maria whispered

“I love you and I will never leave your side” You whispered

You left and Maria changed her clothes. Then your mother went to speak with you and you are happy to see her.

“Y/N, I've never seen you so happy with anyone before,” Frigga said.

“She makes me happy and I don't want to be with anyone else. She is strong, smart, funny, and beautiful” You smiled.

“Have you asked her to marry you?” Frigga asked.

“I’m scared to ask her,” You said.

“Oh, my son you shouldn't be scared to ask her. Do you remember when you were ten years old and you were scared of the dark and you got lost in the forest? It was nighttime and you were alone, then a Fenris Wolf wanted to eat you, what did you do?” Frigga said.

You start to remember you got lost in the forest.

“I fought the wolf by myself. I used shapeshift to turn into a bear and fought the wolf. I was scared because I thought the wolf was going to eat me” You said.

“The reason, i reminded you what happened with the wolf is because you faced your fear in that moment. I know she is truly happy with you because of the way she smiles when you are next to her. Y/N, ask her and I want you and Maria to give us lots of grandkids and rule Asgard” Frigga said.

“I will ask her mom,” You said.

You hugged her and she kissed your head. During dinner, you and Maria would sit next to each other and Frigga would tell her stories of you as a child to Maria. Everyone is having a good time and Maria likes the food. Frigga and Odin invited many people to the feast, Odin made a speech about how you would be a great king for Asgard. After eating, you will dance with Maria and she will have a good time.

“How would you feel to be queen of Asgard?” You asked.

“That would be a lot of pressure to rule Asgard. Do you really want me to be queen? I don't think I would be a good queen, I’m not important” Maria said.

“My love, you are important to me. You would be a great queen because you care about people and you are a strong woman and also a badass. If you don't want to do this then I won't stop you” You said.

“I can't imagine my life without you, Y/N” Maria said.

“I feel the same way. Maria Hill will you marry me?” You said.

“Y/N,” Maria said speechless.

“I don't want anyone else,” You said.

Maria kissed you and she is smiling at you.

“Yes, I will marry you,” Maria said.

You can't stop smiling and you kiss her again. You told your parents and they hugged you and Maria.

———-

You and Maria are still in Asgard and Thor arrived. Your parents told him about the good news, Thor bear-hugged you and Maria. Odin and Frigga are starting the wedding plans and the guest list is going to be long. You used your powers and rare metal to create a ring and Thor helped you get the rare diamond.

Maria is at the lake and you surprised her. You sit next to her and she put her arm around your arm.

“I like it here by the lake it's peaceful,” Maria said.

“I got something for you. Close your eyes” You said.

Maria closed her eyes and you took out the ring and gently held her hand.

“What is it, Y/N?” Maria asked.

“Open your eyes,” You said.

She opened her eyes and you put the ring on her finger.

“Oh, Y/N the ring is so beautiful” Maria smiled.

“This ring belongs to you. This is a rare love diamond” You said.

“I love it so much,” Maria said.

She kissed you on the lips and you moved closer to her. Then you and Maria lie on the grass and stare at the sky for a while. She lays her head on your chest and her leg on top of you. You put your arm around and you kiss her head.

#maria hill x reader #Maria Hill x male reader #Maria Hill imagine #x male reader #male!reader #male reader #male reader fanfic #male reader insert #marvel x male reader #marvel x reader

[miss0atae]

More thoughts about Ming in episode 2, My Stand-In the series.

One thing I noticed about Ming is that he never answers any questions with a real answer. He always asks another question or change the subject. He is a master in this!

When Joe asked him why he was questioning him about his preference, he answered his question with another one:

When Joe wanted to know why they were always doing it the same way, Ming didn't answer. He just ask another question again!

When he didn't want to admit he was indeed very jealous, he just retort the same question Joe asked him.

Ming wants to avoid at any costs revealing more about himself to Joe. He mostly see Joe as an emotional support. He likes how Joe gives him attention, intimacy and follow his desires. As long as Joe does what he wants or needs, he is happy. When things are not following what he desires, he lashed out and verbally abuse him.

When Joe wanted to flirt with him, Ming smiled because he got what he wanted.

He also knows Joe really wants to please him and don't hesitate to play with this.

But at the same time, we know Ming is attracted to Tong, who is his sister's boyfriend and Joe looks like him when you don't see his face. In the first episode they really emphasize this part. In this episode, we could see how sad he was that his crush is dating his sister.

However, is Ming really in love with Tong or is it because his sister is dating him and this attraction he had for Tong makes him unattainable. Humans desire things they can’t get, including unattainable romantic partners. Rare things are precious and as we value what we know is rare then Ming could want Tong because he knows deep down he will never have him.

Does it mean, he acts the way he does with Joe, because he believes this love is too common and it doesn't have the taste of impossible that he finds in his love for Tong? Ming has desires. He likes having sexual intercourse with Joe. We still don't know if it's because he feels the need of having them or because he can create in his mind the fantasize of having them with Tong. 🤔

#thai series #thai bl #bl drama #bl series #my thoughts #my stand in #my stand in the series #about ming #episode 2 #ming's relationship #ming x joe #ming x tong

[10underoot2]

I finally rewatched Queen of Tears Episode 16.

Its given me a lot of clarity on why I didn't like it all that much. The episode feels very filler like, reiterating what I already know, no development nothing to draw me in. So here's a list of thing I really like vs things I had beef with: 

The Good:

- Hyunwoo's understanding of what marriage is is very profound and beautiful. Really appreciate that bit.

- The employees in this corporate sector have been 10/10 throughout. I cannot with how much I love them to bits. Still not over 'I just want to see the rich argue' 😭😂

- Yangi's bond with Hyunwoo is absolutely 10/10 

- I like Haein trying to find the reason of their divorce. It's important for her cause why did two people who love each other want to divorce each other. But again I hate how this wasn't a main cause of comcern around epsidoe 7. Like don't brush over it fam. Don't you wanna know why the man you love and who loved you to bits wanted to divorce you?

- Those last 7-8 mins. Though I wish I had more of them. I needed a linear passing of time. Something like the Germany Montage at the start would've been perfect. But at the very end just 'Way home' playing, Hyunwoo seeing Haein as an angel to pick him up, the familiar happiness and love just spreading around them was beautiful to witness. Really got me teary eyed both times I watched it. 

The Bad: 

- I'm not even getting into the uselessness and bad execution of the whole Yoon Eun Sung plot line since episode 14. 

- Still have no idea why Mol Soo Hee she wanted Suwan dead? Like there's no rationale? Why not kill Hae-in or SeoCheol in all those 20 years as well? It makes no sense to me.

- the episode felt so unnecessarily dramatic. I get it he got shot and was in a car accident but I was so sure he'd be okay? Did not understand or appreciate the over dramaticness also those Yangi shots in that sequence were a little tooo dramatic for me

- I don't like Haein getting back her memories cause they said the hippocampus would be destroyed. It's my fault for looking for logic in the first place but can we please stick to what we established writernim. Also wasn't this the whole problem that she's not getting back ANY memories EVER?!

- The scene between the mothers at this point was also unnecessary. We could've gotten to this realization back in the episode this was brought up the first time. She knew the location and date I don't see how reviewing her album was the light bulb moment.

- I feel super bad for this one but for me even Hae-in's bedside speech, once Hyunwoo woke up, lacked sincerity. As much as she might realize she loves him. He's still a stranger. Who does she miss? Her husband who's love she has no recollection of? The man she loved but she has no idea how she loved him? Take out the loss of memories and it would've hit me like a truck. Like she's not even holding his hand as she waits cause she recently met him. What am supposed to cry over here? What could've been? The pre ep 15 Baekhong I dearly misssed at this point?

- More on the Hyunwoo hospital scene. When he says 'I had forgotten' As sweet as it is I already knew all of it. It was so ill placed I didn't have to see it here.  Also like what does she care? She doesn't remember if you forgot or not in the first place 💀

- The Yangi x Haeina acene in the hospital - what notebook are we talking about? Did I miss something? Did I fall asleep somewhere like what?! Also I feally do like Yangi but I thought all of the scenes with him were kinda forced this episode.

- The conversations where Haein tells Hyunwoo he's perfect. Is it just me or is Haein extremely expressive after the surgery? I can never imagine Haein telling Hyunwoo that he's perfect even if she think so. It was a little off putting for me being introduced to this new character in the last episode. I miss my inexpressible power girl.

- Just the voice over off what happened with Mol Soo Hee would've sufficed but I guess we had to see that SNU degree in action. 

- The turn in Da hye's emotion - as sweet as it was also felt forced. They just showed me earlier she didn't care for him and bullied him. Now you want me to belive she mistook her feeling okay sureeee 🙃

- This is what meant by killing the temperment. They start Hyunwoo's monolougue 'We forgave those who we used to resent and then we cut to this long scene of Aunt Beom ja. Then we have Hyunwoo, then we have his brother's scene. The editing was off here. I wish we had a monologue of just them. It all threw me off so much.

And here's why a sequence of Baekhong was so necessary cause remember the first episode we instantly fall in love and get curious because of that lovely montage of BaekHong Germany scenes. 

All in all good ending, horrible last two epsiode. Kinda left a bad taste in my mouth. It makes me long so much for the show I saw and fell in love with before. I have never felt this way about a last episode, I think I just expected better from this show. 

#queen of tears #didn't change my mind at all #so much of what I said in my last post still holds #i didn't know this BaekHong #but ah well #it was a good ride #I do appreciate the good parts #baek hyun woo #baek hyunwoo #hong hae in #kim ji won #kim soo hyun #kdrama

[chantiepie]

GET THIS MAN | JJK | part 1

ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗ᵕ̈♡˳೫ ˚∗ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗ᵕ̈♡ ˳♡˳೫˚∗ᵕ̈♡ ˳♡˳೫

Warning: Sensitive content ahead. Mature language.

Genre: Comedy with a Dash of Dark Romance.

Classificação: 18+

Summary: ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡʜᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ'ʀᴇ ꜱᴛᴜᴄᴋ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʙᴏʀɪɴɢ ᴊᴏʙ ᴀɴᴅ ꜱᴜᴅᴅᴇɴʟʏ ᴀ ɴᴇᴡ ꜱᴇᴄᴜʀɪᴛʏ ᴄʜɪᴇꜰ ᴀᴘᴘᴇᴀʀꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴜʀɴꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴡᴏʀʟᴅ ᴜᴘꜱɪᴅᴇ ᴅᴏᴡɴ? ᴡᴇʟʟ, ᴛʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴꜱ ᴛᴏ ʏ/ɴ. ꜱʜᴇ'ꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ, ꜱᴛʀᴜɢɢʟɪɴɢ ᴛʜʀᴏᴜɢʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴀɪʟʏ ɢʀɪɴᴅ, ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴊᴇᴏɴ ᴊᴜɴɢᴋᴏᴏᴋ ᴀʀʀɪᴠᴇꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ᴋɴᴏᴄᴋꜱ ʜᴇʀ ᴏꜰꜰ ʜᴇʀ ꜰᴇᴇᴛ ɪɴ ᴀ ᴡᴀʏ ꜱʜᴇ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ɪᴍᴀɢɪɴᴇᴅ. ɪ ᴍᴇᴀɴ, ᴡʜᴏ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ'ᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛ ᴀ ꜱᴇᴄᴜʀɪᴛʏ ɢᴜᴀʀᴅ, ᴀ ᴅᴇᴄᴀᴅᴇ ᴏʟᴅᴇʀ, ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ꜱᴏ ɪɴᴛʀɪɢᴜɪɴɢ? ʙᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇɴ, ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏꜰ ɴᴏᴡʜᴇʀᴇ, ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴏɴᴇ-ꜱɪᴅᴇᴅ ꜰʟɪʀᴛᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ꜱᴛᴀʀᴛꜱ ᴛᴏ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ᴍᴜᴛᴜᴀʟ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇxᴛ ᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ, ʏ/ɴ ɪꜱ ꜰᴀʟʟɪɴɢ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴏʀᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ʜɪᴍ, ᴇᴠᴇɴ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜ ꜱʜᴇ'ꜱ ᴄᴀᴜɢʜᴛ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ᴇᴛʜɪᴄᴀʟ ᴅɪʟᴇᴍᴍᴀꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ᴄᴏɴꜰᴜꜱɪɴɢ ꜰᴇᴇʟɪɴɢꜱ. ꜱʜᴇ ɴᴇᴇᴅꜱ ᴛᴏ ꜰɪɢᴜʀᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ ʜᴏᴡ ꜰᴀʀ ꜱʜᴇ'ꜱ ᴡɪʟʟɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ɢᴏ… ᴘʀᴇꜰᴇʀᴀʙʟʏ ꜱᴛʀᴀɪɢʜᴛ ᴛᴏ ʜɪꜱ ʙᴇᴅ.

ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗ᵕ̈♡˳೫ ˚∗ᵕ̈♡˳೫˚∗ᵕ̈♡ ˳♡˳೫˚∗ᵕ̈♡ ˳♡˳೫

"This is relative."

"Surely she's trying to set up a date with him," you tell Jennie as you speculate about Emily's intentions, who was chatting enthusiastically with Jungkook. "I find it quite bold, she deserves applause."

The girl's hands kept gesturing while she lightly tapped Jungkook's arms with each laugh. She tossed her head back slightly, quite charmingly.

"Do you think she'll show up tomorrow with wet hair?" The brunette seemed intoxicated, pondering how far it would go, but couldn't help but tease her friend. "Aren't you going to do anything? She's stealing your guy."

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm stuck in our anthropological moment of studying pre-coital rituals." Despite feeling slight pangs of jealousy, you were relieved that Jungkook didn't seem to be responding to the touches.

Recently, in your research, you had discovered other things about Jungkook, he didn't go to work every day because he wasn't just an employee, but rather the owner of the security company hired to handle the monitoring. So everything made more sense, since you really only saw him rarely.

"You need to stop and invest in that hottie," Jennie motivated you again. The brunette knew that in a way, her friend had been denying any chance of involvement for years, avoiding it by not allowing herself to live an adventure, always with excuses.

"Age difference, we practically work together, and he probably doesn't see me that way, he's clearly an MWFB," you said, grabbing a little more popcorn from the bag and quickly putting it in her mouth. "MWFB?" Jennie stopped for a second, looking at her friend with slightly raised eyebrows.

"You don't remember?" You look at her as if it were complete absurdity, placing your hands on your chest and bowing in a sign of betrayal. "Man we want to fuck but will break our heart." Still incredulous, you continue, "Besides, there's a chance, however small, that he might be bad in bed. I prefer to keep my fantasy intact."

"A man like that being bad in bed? With those arms, shoulders, face... Impossible, mark my words, when you finally go to bed with him, you'll be head over heels in love," the brunette says.

"Love from sex is what sticks," she adds.

"Even worse, imagine if I fall madly in love with him... It won't end well."

"At least try, you know? Life is here for us to make many mistakes, like sleeping with your ex who cheated on you on a weekend when you're feeling lonely," Jennie speaks as if it were a common situation, then returns to eating popcorn.

"It's not possible, I can't leave you alone for two days. Afterward, I want all the details. I need to go smoke before lunch ends, but you won't escape me," you say as you walk still turned towards your friend and then pointing at her a certain distance away.

"Go on, baby, go have some fun," Jennie encourages. "When was the last time you slept with someone? Besides Jimin... Hey, you owe me explanations, he was at your apartment yesterday." The last part comes out as a whispered shout, reminding you that you're still at work.

The blonde ignores her friend's comments as she walks to the elevator.

Seriously, Jimin was the guy who was always there for a good fuck, it was good, there was intimacy already and it was just that, but the comfort of always having someone to fulfill your needs left you in a stasis, not even looking for other people. That didn't stop Jimin from having several others, and you didn't even want that.

Jungkook, a clear danger zone that screamed "do not approach." Perhaps his imposing posture or being too handsome for reality intimidated you from getting closer.

"I need to get this out of my head," you say quietly stepping into the elevator. It was strange how in a few months a guy had managed to throw you off balance, awakening feelings you wished to silence.

Upon exiting the elevator, you walk directly to the open parking lot, a calm place where few smokers in the building were aware of, it was good to be at peace, even if for a short time. The sky was clear and without a sign of clouds, it would be a good night to go out drinking, Jennie and Ryan wouldn't refuse in any way.

With the cigarette between your lips, you begin to search for the lighter in the pockets of your light blue tailored pants, tapping them lightly and soon realizing you had left it in your bag on the eighth floor.

"Damn it, not this again, damn it," you say looking back at the sky, as if cursing the universe for your own forgetfulness.

"Hey, smart mouth, those words don't match your pretty face" a voice almost nearby startles you, and soon it had an owner. When you look to the side and come face to face with the infamous Jungkook, live and in color, in that black uniform that highlighted his toned body and a kind of strap attached to his right thigh.

"Here, you can use mine." The offer came almost in a whisper, like a soft melody that automatically made you shiver from head to toe.

Still not reacting much to the tragic coincidence and with the fact that you were hearing his voice for the first time, you quickly avert your gaze before you could get into a more embarrassing situation. You just say thank you while still internally berating yourself.

'Stupid'

Crosses your mind at the same moment that you're extending your hand and quickly touching the older man's fingers. Soon, your cheeks are tinged with a light shade of pink that you pray has gone unnoticed and remained hidden by the wind blowing through your hair and covering most of it, but Jungkook noticed the shyness and your shoulders shrinking.

He observed the woman beside him again, reaching out to return the lighter. "You can keep it, I'm not much of a fan of pink." Still staring at the horizon, you tuck the lighter into the tight pocket of your pants and remain quiet. Jungkook noticed a certain restlessness, you were tapping your foot lightly on the ground. Did he do something wrong?

Perhaps your attitude had made you uncomfortable, but throughout this past year when your company was hired to take care of the building's security, he had never bumped into anyone else in that part of the parking lot, especially not a clearly beautiful woman. Most people stayed in the company's smoking area where they gathered to talk.

The older man noticed. He was used to women trembling beside him, but that didn't please him. He knew that, because of his demeanor while on duty and some tattoos on display, he could create a certain discomfort in the environment.

Before he had the chance to question anything, he saw the unknown blonde woman extinguishing her cigarette in the ashtray and letting out what he presumed to be a "thank you" almost immediately, leaving faster than a ghost from his side.

He couldn't help but notice her hips swaying as she left. He felt like a stranger because his eyes immediately fell on her butt, and only one thought lingered: "Fat and round butt." He liked that.

He shook his head slightly and took another drag of his cigarette, trying to push those thoughts away before getting excited, she sort of fit his type. As he leaned in to discard the butt in the ashtray, he came across a cigarette that was almost untouched. 'She didn't even smoke half of it.'

That brief interaction was enough to turn to the one who would never judge him, or be judged, since we're talking about Jimin. The moment your feet touched the elevator entrance, you opened the chat.

Y\N: Are you free tonight?

Before you could close the app, the "typing" next to Jimin's photo appeared.

Chimchim: I was at your place yesterday, and you're already craving me again? Damn, has your fertile period arrived already? 🥹.

Inevitably, your eyes rolled.

Y\N: Just answer the question, please...

Chimchim: I'm always free for you.

Y\N: To spend the night too?

Chimchim: I knew it, fertile period. I'll be at your place at 10 tonight.

A sigh of relief escaped your lips, you definitely needed some relief. Not that Jennie isn't a good listener, but you wanted someone who was far from the situation and could bring strategies to resolve your frustration. And who better than the world's greatest flirt?

The day passed quickly.

With so many tasks related to employee payments and meetings with directors, you hardly had time to think about anything else. Almost, since at the door leading to the exit to the parking lot, you saw the security guard smoking with his back turned. Upon realizing this, you turned around and ran to the other exit, hoping not to miss the subway.

After finally arriving home, you take a long, hot shower, apply moisturizer, and put on a pajama consisting of a shirt and shorts, not worrying too much about Jimin's visit, as you were used to seeing each other in much worse situations.

You decide to open a wine that you received as a gift from Jennie and hear the doorbell ring by the time you finish your first glass. You walk to the door.

"Hello, Mochi.."

Before you could even complete your sentence, soft lips are on yours, hands gliding around your waist and pushing you into the apartment. You hear a loud bang as the door is kicked shut by Jimin.

"Mmmm darling, daddy's home, can't get enough of that mouth of yours." A mischievous grin plastered on his lips.

You didn't call Jimin for this, well, actually you did, but not just for this.

You place both hands on his shoulders and with a gentle push, you step back.

"Easy there, I need to tell you something." Jimin leans against the nearby wall, running his fingers across his lips, wiping away some saliva. The grin remains, though it fades slightly.

"Are you pregnant? You know, when I say daddy's home, I didn't mean it literally.."

"Oh God, Jimin, no. I just need advice, and you're the one who can help me. Besides, if I were pregnant, who's to say you'd be the father?"

"Okay, you have a point, but we both know I'm your go-to guy." He straightens up, walking past you and heading to the small kitchen counter, pouring more wine into the glass, then taking a sip.

"You can talk to me, above all, we're friends, S\N." He was right, despite the playful banter, as time passed, the intimacy between you grew.

You tell him about work and how you're feeling lost, mentioning Jungkook and your interest in him, and the interaction you had during lunch. And it seems that was the only thing Jimin heard.

"100 percent sure he'd fuck you if you asked."

"Jimin... I don't know if you noticed, but I'm in crisis." You sit beside him, grabbing another glass, since yours was stolen by the platinum-haired man.

"I like your lips " he whispers, leaning in close to your face, "when they're around mine, of course, because when you decide to speak... You just annoy me." And he makes a disappointed face. You huff and roll your eyes dramatically.

"I think you worry too much, he's not that much older, he's not even really an employee of the company where he works. Let's do this, on Friday I'm hosting a bike event at my PUB, invite Jennie and Ryan, that way, we'll have fun like old times."

"But damn. I feel like a teenager."

"Shhh, stop overthinking." Jimin gets up and gives a small slap on your left thigh, causing it to automatically open slightly. Without wasting time, he positions himself between them, taking the glass from your hand and drinking the remaining red liquid, which dribbles a bit at the corners of his lips. "Now." His fingers go to your chin, lifting your head to meet his gaze. "Let's enjoy ourselves."

On the other side of the city, right in the most secluded corner of the bar, a group of men decided to stay to drink beer. Among these men was Jungkook, whose mind wandered far away, recalling the events of the morning. He wondered if he was delirious to notice the blush on the girl's cheeks when their hands touched. Despite trying to push the matter aside, it slipped out. "Who's the blonde who was smoking in the parking lot today?" he inquired, trying to appear nonchalant, although he failed in that attempt.

"I think you're talking about Y\N, right? The blonde from the eighth floor," replied Taehyun, with a suspicious look at the question, taking another sip of his warm beer.

"Blonde from the eighth floor?" Yoongi intervened.

"Yes, the cute one, with the nice little butt, who always comes running, smokes in the top parking lot during breaks... She started at the office about two years ago or so, and, if I'm not mistaken, she's single," Taehyun said again, provoking a strange sensation in Jungkook's stomach. He didn't understand, but he didn't like the way his colleague spoke. Despite this, he felt excited about the last piece of information, but quickly tried to push any hint of interest away, shaking his head lightly before taking another drag of his cigarette.

"Interesting question of yours," remarked Namjoon, his partner, holding a sly smirk, prompting the other two to join him in giving the youngest a teasing look.

"Very funny, guys. Remember that I'm the one who schedules your shifts," he said, getting up from the table. "Well, it's already getting late for me, I need to go home."

"Stay a bit longer with us, JK," Taehyung insisted, with a whiny voice.

"I said I wasn't going to stay long. I'm too tired to go to work without getting enough sleep."

"Y\N..." he whispered quietly as he drove straight to his apartment. Her name echoed in his mind, and a feeling of curiosity seized Jeon.

Hey, just dropping by to say that it's going to be a mini-series, so it will have between 3 to 5 parts.

#Yoongi #jungkook imagine #jungkook au #jungkook fanfic #bts #jiminfanfic #romcom #army #bts fanfic #bts au #jungkook x reader

[pegasusdrawnchariots]

the eternal question: is scheduling w friends as an adult That Hard or am I just bad at it

#4 different people have left me on read today; 1 cancelled our plans 4 hours before we were due to meet #I've been sitting home alone for 2 days going insane. looking forward to One (1) coffee date & that fell through #idk why I'm taking it so hard this time I'm usually fine!! but I find myself wishing I didn't have the day off I wish I did have work :( #like it's tiring yeah but it beats sitting here not knowing what to do w myself #& I'm working all weekend & only leaving the house to see the doctor. oh joy #I've been productive ironing writing fixing the car. that's not the problem #I had 4 social plans this month. that's it #that's like seeing each friend once a month!! I can't keep this up!! #is this the norm for adulthood? :( #& on one level I don't want to bother people or be clingy #but on another level I'm baffled that they don't get lonely too #the news has not shut up abt the Loneliness Epidemic since 2021 #but if it's true why do so many people take so long to reply when I reach out? if they reply at all #I'm not going anywhere w this. idk #just one of those days #everything so fuck everybody suck :( #boomers got it right w the whole showing up unannounced at people's houses for a social call with a pound cake #now I have to go through 5 layers of bureaucratic bullshit to see a friend #assuming they don't cancel the day of ofc (((((: #I just wanna be like hello knock knock I am here. tell me abt yr life today & listen to mine & eat this cake #& the worst is when people are like 'I'm cancelling bc I'm tired xx' #OK A) u knew we had these plans for two weeks #but B) I'm tired too! I still love u ur still my friend! let us be tired together! #'I won't be social today I'm tired' my love we could watch movies in silence we could knit we could ball yr socks. idc #'I have to do the big shop today sorry' so do I!!! let us do the groceries together!!! #every time I've pushed someone to come out when they felt depressed or to let me accompany them when they were doing chores #they were like u know what I'm so glad u did this. thank u. this is way better than how I had planned this night to go #& I'm like any time!! I love u!! #& then it just happens all over again next time oh sorry I'm cancelling I'm busy I'm tired #like did u forget what a nice time we had last time? what changed? :(

[zemnarihah]

my best friend has been very distant w me lately and i asked today if she wanted to hang out and she said she probably couldn't bc it's her brothers birthday but she would let me know if she could and i have her location and i just looked and she's at her boyfriends house rn....

#we have it bc we're roomates so we started sharing locations when we first moved in like in case someone doesn't come home at night or smth #she recently told me that she wants to move out bc she has always wanted to live alone and she can finally afford it. and i asked her #directly like is there an issue because she is so non confrontational so she has never ever mentioned me doing anything that bothers her #and i said please tell me if there's something wrong because it would really suck if there was and i never got a chance to fix it because #you never told me. and she said no it has nothing to do with that i really just feel like it's time for me to live on my own. and a couple #days ago she was like okay i'm next in line for my apartment i'll probably move out in april. and i try to get her to hang out still and #she always has something else going on and i swear every night this week she's been at her boyfriends. #and if i see her around our apartment and try to make conversation at all she's so like short about it and barely responds like will only #give one word answers. i feel like it kind of started when i started dating e but i realized that i was spending less time with her and i #didn't want to be the girl that loses all my friends bc of a boyfriend so i started specifically reaching out to hang out with her and she #says no most of the time and never asks me. like i don't know what else i can do. #i'm like maybe it's bc of her boyfriend? bc they've been on again off again for a long time and previously when they were together it was #really distant with her like i barely saw her EVER. and they were mostly broken up for the past couple years and have been together i think #for a while again... but she knows i don't approve of that relationship and so she would like not say when they were talking again. so maybe #since lately they've been hanging out or dating or WHATEVER she doesn't fucking tell me what's going on with him. maybe that's why. #i literally like try to think of ways it could be my fault and maybe i'm being crazy but i cannot even think to blame myself for more than a #fleeting second bc i'm like. i have ASKED HER directly if there is an issue or something i do that bothers her and she says no. so even if #i'm somehow pissing her off would i ever know to change anything?? i just feel so frustrated bc it's like she's an entirely different person #to me. like this is not the person i know. and i don't know what else i could possibly do like i feel like we need to sit down and have a #conversation about it but what good does that do if she just acts like nothing is wrong. but i don't want to lose my friend i have such a #hard time making friends. i've known her since i was 14 like i can't imagine my life without her. we were the only two in our whole friend #group in high school to get out of the church i still love those other girls but we have so little in common now.

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #anytime my friends point out that something I say is good advice or express that they see me as aspirational I'm always just like.... #wtf how am I am example to look up to I'm just an idiot bumbling his way through life trying to avoid hitting her head on cabinet corners #honestly it's mostly just seeing mistakes others have made and going “I will not make those mistakes. I will make weirder mistakes than that #like. it feels a little like the “I'm eighty years old I'm done with putting up with everyone's bullshit” except it's #it's “I didn't kill myself so I'm not gonna put up with bullshit anymore” #like. I chose life. I'm not about to half-ass that decision. I'm not gonna walk back that decision. I'm not going to flinch away from it. #that fuckin... “what do we have to fear but fear itself” quote or whatever. like.. I died. you think anything else is gonna scare me? #if I'm going to be stuck here on this planet you bet your ass I'm gonna make the most of it. I'm not gonna be embarrassed. no shame. #we're all living here until we die and the things that matter are your own life and then the people around you. #I'm not going to miss out on a chance to find community and connection just because I'm afraid. I'm done being afraid. #though... I have been feeling shrimp emotions for the past two weeks and my stomach has tied itself up in knots over it. #I'm so detached because I'm afraid of feeling my emotions too strongly. so letting go and experiencing emotions is a lot for me. #and agghfffgghh I'm going to make it through this I'm going to make it through this but damn it's really rough #allowing yourself to get close to someone again after solidifying your position as unassailable is so hard. #especially because I've gotten so used to shielding the emotions of other people. hard to be honest when your honesty will hurt them #it's wild being around someone who's not wildly insecure because I can be genuine and honest and not worry about what I say hurting her. #I could say “I'm leaving in a year do you still want to date?” and trust that she would actually think it through and give a reliable answer #like. I can handle just my emotions because she's able to handle hers. #being in mental health spaces for so long I'm not used to interacting with emotionally stable people lmaooo #do you think I'm emotionally stable? I don't think I am. but then I meet other people who are wildly more unstable than I am and hmmm #like. sui wasn't an emotional choice it was a cost benefit analysis. I get emotionally unstable sure. but I contain myself until it's over. #I know enough to not be impulsive because I recognize impulsive behavior in others and thus in myself as well. #so like. I'm unstable but I'm not externally unstable. I know how to isolate when I'm in a wounded lashing out state. #anyway I've been processing so many emotions this past week because I'm wildly out of practice with allowing myself emotional honesty #instead of just bricking myself up behind my defensive apathy. I want to hold onto this. I want to continue to channel these emotions. #I want to be unafraid to tell people when I love them #though with her it's more of a Nerevarine situation. you are not someone I love but rather someone who might become that. #like. I haven't known her long enough to really say I love. but I very much think if things continue how they are I will be confident in it #and not even romantic love per se. I have some old friends who I genuinely love. several siblings who I love. most people I know I do not.

[lisbonsteresa]

he's HORRIBLE

#tm #all the bullshit she put up with from him for 10 years and she's late to a crime scene ONCE and look at him ffajdslk #as if you give one single shit about punctuality patrick; but this brings up a point that i can't believe i never considered in all my bs: #does patrick jane know how to be jealous? discuss #i mean...obviously he KNOWS but....does he though #at the very least he's exceedingly out of practice #of course we know next to nothing about his and angela's relationship but between that and this he's basically had 10+ years of red john #and we know lisbon dated during that time (and we know he DID get jealous because...obviously how could he not) #but not jealous in a way he could act on - in part because ms 'intense and particular' didn't seem to have many repeat dates #(idiots) but mainly because of the red john of it all #i doubt he realized it on any conscious level (and if he did he repressed/ignored the shit out of it) #but he couldn't see anything happening with them while he had red john hanging over his head #(tangent: all his 'you deserve a good man' 'he's a good man' later on...he really doesn't see himself as a good man does he #my poor little meow meow - thinking about naomi's tags about the letter again god i wish that had happened) #and she deserves better than that; deserves better than him (SOB); so he lets the hints and the moments of jealousy pass by #but now....well now there's no more red john #he's still got a LOT to work through but that gigantic weight is off his shoulders and there's been this shift between them #(i can't come up with a better way of saying it than) they're flirting like they mean it....not that they didn't before #but now there's this sense of actual possibility behind it; this could be going somewhere; it's slow but they're taking actual (baby) steps #and then pike shows up and the whole thing is imploding as they speak - like he knows from the second that cab pulls up #how her date went and she knows that he'd know and they're just talking around it and they're so AWKWARD where they'd been #working so well together (minus an airplane ride or two) #and now he's trying REAL hard to be supportive even though he probably wants to curl up and sob #because he wants her to be happy (more than maybe anything he wants her to be happy) and he couldn't make her as happy as pike #she deserves a GOOD man and that is not him; she shouldn't have to put her life on hold for him anymore she's done that too much already #but what he doesn't get - what he can't quite comprehend (what absolutely stuns/amazes/thrills him at the end of blue bird) #is he DOES make her happy; he IS a good man (he might be the best man she knows; flaws and all); and (in this instance) #she'd be more than willing to wait for him; to be patient with him #if he'd only let her know that there's something there to wait for; something concrete they could be heading towards together

[buysomecheese]

FUCKED UP THAT SOMEONE CAN SEE THEIR FRIEND IN A VULNERABLE POSITION AND THEN USE THAT TO THEIR ADVANTAGE!!! FUCKED UP THAT HE WOULDN'T TAKE KINDLY TO HIS OTHER FRIENDS HELPING HIM GET OUT OF THAT SITUATION SO WE CAN'T HELP AS MUCH AS WE'D LIKE TO. FUCKED UP THAT SO MANY GOOD THINGS WILL BE TAINTED FOR HIM NOW. FUCKED UP THAT HE'LL LIKELY BE SO CLOSED OFF TO EVERYTHING NOW BECAUSE OF THEM!!!!!

#went to bed angry and woke up angry #yesterday was so good because I love my friends but so bad because. this situation makes me so sad. #it's so sad when my friends fucking hate themselves. #and it's a different hate than it was when my friends hated themselves in middle school #like I know how to deal with that sort of self-hatred but this is Different. #and I need to help differently but I don't know How #it's quiet and constant and just little comments that could almost be missed but. #those of us who Did hate ourselves in middle school (loudly and sporadically and yelling about it in the hallways) #we see this quiet hate and I don't know what to do. nobody has ever known when I've hated myself quietly and I don't know what would've- #-helped me so I don't know how to help them. #how much can I hold them until it's uncomfy. how much can I tell them I love them until they stop believing me. #it doesn't help that they're Men. I get how men feel this sadness but I don't know how they can be helped with it #(because again I was never helped with it. I'm so good at helping my Women friends but my Men friends I don't Know what to do) #it's not fair that they're so beautiful and kind and funny and attractive and they can't see that. #and I can't like date them to make them see it because I'm not good for a relationship and one of them is straight and the other just got- #-out of what is a horrible situationship THAT DEFINITELY DIDN'T HELP. with someone I was really close with in middle school and like I- #-didn't Raise them but I was more present and helpful than her parents in middle school and I feel like I raised him. #and I raised him better than this better than hurting your Close Friend by taking advantage of him. using him for the attention your real- #-parents wouldn't give you. leave him the fuck alone. #and like the situation is over but the effects are still present. and will be for a long fucking time. #I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN BE INTIMATE WITH SOMEONE AND NOT LEAVE THEM FEELING BETTER ABOUT THEIR BODY. #I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU CAN SEE SOMEONE BE SO LOW AND LEAVE THEM THERE. OR BRING THEM DOWN FURTHER. #NOBODY EVER LEFT YOU WHERE YOU WERE UNTIL YOU GAVE US NO OTHER CHOICE. AND EVEN THEN WE KEPT TRYING TO BRING YOU UP. #BECAUSE YOU WERE OUR FRIEND AND WE LOVED YOU. AND WE EXPECTED YOU WOULD DO THE SAME. #HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR YOU AND YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ONE OF HIS CLOSEST FRIENDS. NO HE HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN PERFECT BUT HE WAS IN- #-MIDDLE SCHOOL. HE WAS A BABY WE WERE ALL BABIES AND WE ALL GOT BETTER. AND YOU DID NOT AND YOU MADE THAT HIS PROBLEM. #maybe you just didn't fucking listen to anything he's ever said maybe you were too busy thinking about how you could use him. #but he cares so much for you and he shares himself with you and you don't notice how much he hates? #AND THE TRUST ISSUES YOU AND ANOTHER PERSON WE USED TO HAVE INSTILLED IN OUR OTHER FRIEND. #HE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO DATE AGAIN WITHOUT BEING SCARED OF WHAT SHE MIGHT SAY ABOUT HIM.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

truly further [2 sides same coin] of billions tragic failing of either quant's writing that the effective Demand that taylor & rian must have a very special dynamic is all about going "well i'm epic & you're epic" at every stage, which is nothing, while winston and taylor can never have a dynamic b/c he's so Not Epic, despite that he's more similar to taylor in any ways that actually matter or could mean anything, while also if rian was ever peers with winston / had a reciprocal dynamic there, maybe we'd Have to have had more of an actual character from that role, but instead once again [no] b/c he's so Not Epic. billions writing getting an award for [okay. tmc trifecta] as the only option heading into s6 & giving us Nothing instead

#fr the one arc left is winston being sick of it like alright i'm outta here #wherein it's time apparently for rian to draw on the apparent nonzero affection she thinks she has for all that that means anything.... #and oops it did nothing; she may as well have Again jumped in & volunteered info herself in the first place #and tbt rian could be indignant on lauren's behalf based on like 3 days of distant technical half coworkership #but Nothing re: taylor's participation in treating winston like that. nothing re: rian either. but you see....lauren was also epic #winston billions #when you're both Epic you're on the defensive about why you Don't date. except for when you're not! #like again so wendy thinks she & taylor were peers? why did They not have to explain why They didn't date? wendy being that cishet abt it? #we can't get an explanation for why rian would fuck That old man; just why it wasn't otherwise taylor specifically #this being the ''well it's how i'm So thoughtful abt things. & it's how i'm So Unthoughtful abt things'' In The Same Breath #like yeah yeah you dropped all pretense of [character: rian] for [young woman: inherently sexually available] like amazing #it was always like jesus christ but just increasingly dismal experience surveying the mess of nothingness & insults that was like. #again the Nothingness that was rian & pick your poison re: analyzing Power whether it's the ungodly thread of banging prince #or her casually being this general bully + personal abuser to her ''friend'' / coworker there & this is Completely Neutral to billions #perhaps Good! & there's just nothing else to the character. having her Not Leave also just further whittling away any sense of anything #again it's just like depressing lmao gotta get out of here #and as per usual the way that ripping off winston's character from getting to have focus; material; arcs; relationships etc just #impacts these other characters negatively too. rian's main traits having to be ''loves being a bully'' & ''presumed to have a vagina'' wow #billions doesn't even know abt the former which just makes it all the more amazing. taylor having ''nobody'' to talk to but rian for half #a season like WINSTON!! he was half their employees at that time & billions is still That resolute abt The Epics Vs The Losers #and being a Thee Epic is like [there's nothing there] like that was Really supposed to be rian's whole character & [there's nothing there] #the substance not in taylor going ''who's Epic like me'' but in who's Actually inherently intractibly offbeat & different & Knows This #embraces it works with it Has to embrace and work with it; suffers for it but thrives for it; is this secret weapon for it; can work w/You. #all the ways taylor had to water down talking abt themself to like wendy or axe or whomever tf....winston is right here #he's Understanding them & talking abt Them unprompted unguided just Getting It & Caring; doing 9000% better than these other Epic ppl.... #lord. it's just amazing they were really this committed to like well yeah the real binary that really matters. the cools & the nerds #they really were like oh we love winston sm....we Love to write 3x03 endlessly where he gets shitted on & we have so much fun seeing that #we could've at least had the Consequences of [winston deserved to throw hands] like fr. rian; taylor; wags; dollar bill; wags again

[funkylittlebats]

.

#wow okay so ive been reconnecting with my friend who i previously hadn't seen or spoken to in months #and we've been chatting again for abt a month now and she came to my house univited and without warning today and we hung out #even though i really wasn't prepared for company. i decided it was a pleasant enough surprise. she brought cupcakes. #and then she tells me. a trans man. that she. a lesbian. is in love with me #and im now very uncomfortable bc i don't want to date someone who sees me as a girl. and i Know that that's the case here #bc she's said some Kinda Weird yellow flag things abt trans ppl (esp in regards to passing) that ive overlooked bc i enjoyed her company #and she starts crying on my shoulder bc she “can't believe im rejecting her bc i think shes transphobic” #and how she “thought i liked her too” bc i go along with her flirting (when she first started flirting w me i didn't pick up and she- #-made a joke abt how she likes to flirt w men bc shes gay but it looks like im too dense for that joke (said it a friendly way no really)) #(so i didn't realize she was ACTUALLY flirting bc she would still do this to other guys as a joke) #and she “feels so stupid for letting herself be led on by me” and a bunch of other bullshit #and expected me to comfort her while this was going on #which i did bc i didn't know what else to do #and she decided to take THAT as a mixed signal ig and tried to pet me #so i got away from her and got her some water and asked her to leave after she calmed down #and she started crying more but eventually left #and then like an hour later i start getting texts from our friends saying they couldnt believe i was so rude to her #and thought she was a transphobe and shoved her off of me when she just needed comfort #and so now everyone is refusing to talk to me until *i* apologize to *her* #i literally only have one irl friend now bc of this #fuck this shit #and i have fucking class tomorrow #fuck #this #shit