#WE DID SUCH COOL THINGS AND WENT TO THIS GAY BATH HOUSE | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

a-froger-epic · 3 years

Text

Interview with a Queen “groupie”

Cross-posted to AO3. I encourage you to leave any comments you have there.

---

I compiled this interview following a long email exchange with J, a very sweet lady who went to Ealing Art School between 1972 and 1974. She knew all four members of Queen personally and was part of their larger circle of friends.

First off, you may find this hard to believe. I don’t blame you. But I assure you I’m not pulling your leg. As well as the pictures I share in this post, I have seen current pictures of J (which I will not share to protect her privacy). There is no indication as far as I am aware that she isn’t who she says she is.

Nastally, hold up. How exactly did you find this lady?

She found me. It turns out that she has been following my story Dawn of Aquarius for quite some time. The story is set in 1969. A lot of research about the era went into it, because I wanted to portray that time period - and Freddie’s and Roger’s surroundings - as accurately and realistically as I possibly could. That was what drew J in. She tells me it brought back a lot of memories for her. One of the reasons I love DoA so much is the nostalgia, she says, which genuinely means the world to me. Eventually, she talked to me in the comment section. Of course, I freaked out!

And then, I asked her for an interview, to which she replied: I will give it a go, but you must remember that I am 65 and there were great drugs in the 70s, and at 16, away from home, I had a lot!

And so...

Here’s what is IMPORTANT TO KEEP IN MIND when you read this interview.

These are one woman’s 50-year-old memories and subjective impressions. J has been incredibly kind to let me pick her brain, trying to recall everything as best as she can. In her own words:

Just remember that when I answer the questions, it is from a 16-year-old who is 9 years younger than Freddie and a little girl with no family and friends in a strange country trying to fit in. The only reason I was there, was because some hippie thought I had a unique art style.

---

J as a teenager.

[I have edited the interview together from our long, and somewhat messy at times, email exchange. Typos have been fixed and some punctuation added for clarity, but I have not changed anything J has written to me. Again, bear in mind these are personal opinions and impressions.]

So, J, how did you end up at Ealing Art School in 1972 and what was it like?

This was the painting done for the Australian school-leaving certificate.

It placed first and gave me a scholarship. I could pick France, the USA or England. As a dual citizen of the UK, the choice was easy. The scholarship paid for board and fees, so had to be and sell whatever for spending money.

This picture is from the dorm. We all had a 10pm curfew and a very thick rule book that, I am proud to say, I broke every one of them, one by one. The rooms were on the 1st and 2nd floor. We were on the first floor, rooms one side and admin staff the other end. We had two bathrooms for 18 girls. One of them had two baths. The walls were your standard half wall, so it was a given that if you had a bath you run the risk of having a bucket of cold water dropped on you. Downstairs was the kitchen and lounge room.

I want to ask you a few things about life in London in the early 70s, to get a picture of what it was really like. For example, was there alcohol at the music gigs you went to?

If it was a school, church or community hall, no. If it was a pub, yes.

Did you and your friends drink as much then as young people tend to drink now when you all went out?

No, we didn't. I think it had a lot to do with money. We didn't have the disposable income, and it was unheard of to still be living at home with the parents after the age of 20.

Was weed and LSD as big and easily accessible as depictions of the 60s and 70s would have us believe?

The drugs! Got to have drugs. Pot (weed) was easy to grow, very cheap. Used to smoke it in bongs rather than joints, more bang for your buck. Trips [LSD] were cheap, I think. About 2 pounds and you were on the high for over 24 hours with no sleep. My drug of choice was hash. Either the oil or the block. It was a nice high, but you could not function well. But if you listen to the music of the time it really does reflect what it was like, to have a group of friends over for a session. Having said all that the most outlandish and shocking drug I ever saw anyone use was the birth control pill. Didn't you have to hide that stuff away?!

Can you tell us some 70s slang that isn’t really in use anymore? What in the world does “ultra-blagging” mean? (As written in a letter penned by Freddie to his friend Celine in 1969.)

Abso-bloody-lootely!

Man, I thought I was the bees knees to be on a scholarship in London. But that didn't stop me from jigging or having a skive day. They were the days that I blagged my way into a pub, had too many lagers and ended up chundering in the gutter. That was how you knew your night was ace. I would get a right bollocking if anyone found out. It would be a bugger when all that you could find at a car boot sale was chavtastic, but sometimes you could be Jammy Dodger and tickety-boo you find something brilliant. Bob's your uncle. Anyways, I need to see a man about a dog.

[It seems to me that J uses a bit of Australian slang here, like chundering, which makes sense because she is, after all, Australian. She also provided the translation:]

Cheers

It would be my honour.

I felt very privileged to be given a scholarship that let me study in England. But being so young and having no family to guide me, it was often tempting to not turn up or give a false excuse for being sick. (I had a lot of food poisoning). These would often happen if the night before I had been drinking beer and ended up vomiting outside the pub. But in my young mind that was a good night. If any of the teachers found me drinking I would be in a lot of trouble. Often I would have to say I was holding it for someone else. Not having much clothes with me, I would buy them second hand from church jumble sales or other students and, yes, Kensington market (the market). Some of the stuff would not be very tasteful or in good condition. But sometimes you would find something that was cheap and in good condition. I will stop this text now as I must go to the toilet.

PS: Ultrablagging sounds very Freddie. Blagging was used, but not ultra, meaning to persuade someone to do something or act better than you are. They were always rock stars.

Sincerely

[It was at this point that I realised I was talking to an absolute legend. She also told me then that the majority of her old photographs had sadly been lost when her house was flooded in 1988, including most of the photographs from her stay in London. Noooo! :(]

When you went out to dance, did you have only live music? Were there DJs yet?

You know, that is hard. We did not have a DJ. Sometimes there would be a band. Often we looked for places with a band or the jukebox. I think pubs closed at 10pm and some stayed open to 12 or 1, but public transport stopped at 9. So if you had not arranged a lift then you had to make the last bus. Most of the time we would be heading back to someone's place to get stoned and then crash there. In the morning you would have to work out where you were. When I got back to Australia, the discos were all the rage. They could have been in London too but it was not cool to like disco.

How many people would show up to Queen’s gigs when they played in pubs or at, for example, the Imperial College?

Depending on the location and the night: 10 to 1000!

So how did you first meet the Queen boys?

I was at the pub talking about a band we saw last week when Brian stuck his head into our booth telling us he knew a better one. Thinking about seeing them at the stall... Roger not often, Freddie quite a lot. Often on different stalls, I think that is why I can't remember the name. [The name of the stall. Other sources confirm that Freddie also worked at Alan Muir’s stall, for example, selling shoes.]

How well did you know them?

Just looking at your tumblr account. [she has had a look at my blog, where somebody asked if ‘groupie’ meant she had slept with the band] No, I never slept with the boys. I would not say I was a close friend, but I started at Ealing Art College in ‘72 and moved in the same circles. I loved the music and could be called one of the first groupies. I had to sneak into the pubs because I was 16. Roger always teased me for being so young. They all did seem to be one very large family, not just the band. It was a group of about twenty regulars, both male and female. Everyone knew that Fred was too gay to function. We were all at the gay rights march in London in 1972, had to run after the march. Lots of sharpies [Australian slang: youth gang, thugs] wanting to bash us. Back then I was in every protest that was going, student union rights, even the secretary protest. Just part of the times, stick it to Man or Woman. I left London in ‘74 for Australia, been here ever since and lost track of the boys but have never stopped being a fan.

What do you remember about them? How would you describe their personalities?

Don’t let the trolls hate me, but I did not like Brian. I found him to be rather full of himself. Space was a subject you never brought up around Brian or you would die of old age before he stopped talking. He was always the first to speak and start a conversation and then quickly passed you off to John, who was always tired and shy. Roger was also quite shy at times. He was very self-conscious of his looks, as he felt being pretty, nobody would take him seriously. Fred, well, he was not yet the big star, so I think he was working on his stage persona. When talking to groups at parties, he had the best stories of things that had happened to him or close friends. They were very funny and very descriptive. He was the life of the party. When he had a few to drink or was the centre of attention, he would take a cigarette out of the closest person’s hand and start smoking. Now remember this is the point of view of a 16-year-old girl that was a fish out of water, trying to fit in and not having much worldly experience.

It is said that Freddie and Roger were very stylish. How did they dress in everyday life?

Fred would do his hair and makeup to check the mail. Yes, he was always turned out, but so were a lot of people. Freddie did go over the top with hats, scarfs and jewellery. With Roger, it is a surprise he was able to have kids his jeans were that tight. And his shirts were always open unless he was in a jumper. I think it could have been so that you knew he was male, as it was the start of the unisex clothing. When I travelled out of London I realised it was a London thing. When I got back to Australia everyone thought I was a show-off.

There are some disagreements about how tall especially Freddie was. I know this is a difficult thing to try and remember accurately. But do you remember?

Freddie was taller than me but everyone was. Roger was shorter than Fred, but I never saw Roger in platform shoes. I did meet up with the band by chance at Sydney airport in 1984, said ‘hello’ but they did not remember me, or if they did then they did not say anything and I did not want to be a dork. At that time Fred was the same height as me (5ft 8in/1.72m), Roger was taller than me. It made me think at the time that he had a growth spurt! John was shorter than me and Brian has always been tall. [I have a feeling the platform shoes - or lack thereof - played a vital role here! Although 172cm for Freddie seems likely.]

You said everyone knew Freddie was “too gay to function”. Attitudes towards homosexuality have changed so much that it can be hard for us, now, to fathom what exactly people must have thought of him. Was it more of a joke that he was so camp? Was it something he would have been teased for? Also, he had a girlfriend. Did you ever meet Mary or the other girlfriends?

In 1972 a whole group of us - and I am pretty sure that Fred, Roger, Brian and Tim were there - were in a gay pride march. [Since then, J has found and showed me a picture of a boy she thought was Tim Staffel, and it wasn't, so Tim was most definitely not there. Whether Freddie, Roger and Brian really were there or if J is misremembering, who knows?] Us youth believed you could not choose who you fell in love with and if it was same sex, so what? However, if it was two girls then it was every guy’s duty to change her!

It was also a time that the gayer the guy was, the more the girls were interested. Also, if a guy was gay then you did not have to worry about him and he was a good person to take with you if you were going out drinking. However, the police, parents, teachers and anyone of authority were horrified and treated them badly. I did meet Mary a couple of times at pubs and once after a gig. This is just my opinion, but I found her a bitch. It could be that I was so young. It could be that I was very Australian. It could be that she felt threatened as my accent was a magnet to people around. And the boys (Queen) were no exception. Brian had a cousin in OZ and was always asking questions. I remember that my close group of friends thought that Mary made the perfect girlfriend for Fred as they were as fake as each other. Having said that about them, I often wonder if I would think the same now and if my perceptions were just because she would not give me the time of Day. Chrissy and Jo were a lot of fun.

This was before your time, but I read that Freddie's nickname at Ealing Art School was ‘Freddie Baby’. Any ideas how this came about? His showmanship or maybe personality traits?

I don't think so. There were an older crowd that would talk like that. I think the slang ‘baby’ was a 60’s thing, like groovy baby.

How long, roughly, did Roger and Freddie have their stall? I can't find anywhere when it closed down. What did it actually look like? Was it a sort of wooden stall type of thing? Or an actual room? What were some of the other things people sold at Kensington Market? Mostly clothes or all sorts?

The markets were little divided shops. The back was brick and the walls wood. I have been trying all day to remember the name. [Of the stall.] I think it was something hard to say. More often than not it would be Freddie's dad in the store. It was still open when I left. Roger and Freddie were both in the store on Saturdays and some Sundays. There was a girl, I think Jill, who was in the store more. And during the week it could be anyone. You name it and you could get it at the markets. Second hand or designer clothes, shoes, jewellery, pot and assortments. Hair cuts, food, bric-a-brac.

Wait, wait. What? Freddie’s dad? Really now?

Yeah, it was an older Indian man. so we just assumed it was his father. It was my understanding that he started the stall then the boys would work it as the whole markets were set up for younger people, but if needed he would work there. I don't think the boys would be able to pay the rent on their own. [I have since found out that the stall closed in late 1971, and Freddie continued to work at the Market until '74, for Alan Mair and possibly others. So the stall J witnessed wasn't their original stall - explaining all the different people she saw there - but she had no way of knowing that it wasn't.] They always had incense burning that was very big in the 70s. I still occasionally bring out the sticks, but it does not last like the candles and diffusers of today. If you could get in touch with Robert Daniels, he ran ChaChaDumDum it was the stall across from Freddie. He would know the dates.

[J says it’s this look, in a picture she happened across while looking at my tumblr] Yep, that is the one. It usually means that he does not believe or agree with something that was said and is working out how to respond, or he has lost the plot.

You mentioned Roger seemed shy to you at times. Was he also quite charming? We read a lot about what a chick magnet he was. Was this the impression you had?

My favorite subject! I had a thing for Roger. Everyone has a type and mine is the blue-eyed blond. Now, before you ask, was he brunet? No, he was a mouse/dirty blond. If it was summer he would have blond streaks mostly at the ends. He knew he was pretty and was always dressed in the latest fashion and had the current hairstyle. So, being my type I was constantly watching him. Everyone slept around during that time. I did not notice Roger doing it more or less. 80% of the time he was with Jo. Yes, he was a chick magnet, but he did not do the chasing. He was always very polite to everyone. If it ever looked like there would be any conflict he would be the first to leave it. It was not that he was a coward, just not into conflict. If he saw anyone that needed help he was right there, and often had to have Freddie's back. I never saw him in a fight. He could always talk his way out of things. He was also very patient and would listen for hours to other people talk. However, he would get this vacant look in his eyes at times.

And Freddie would either click his fingers, change the subject or just give up. I don’t think that Brian noticed, and it would be fair game for John, he would see how far he could push it. Roger liked to drink a fair bit and when drunk he would be hanging all over Jo. If she was not there then he missed Jo. If, however, he thought that he or his friends were not being respected, then look out! It was a verbal volcano heading your way. That is what happened to me one time. I was trying to talk with my friends close to where a drunken Roger was and I yelled at him to shut the hell up, you wannabe blond. We/I coped a mouthful back, all in the same sentence, that finished with: Sorry, I didn't realise you were on your rags (period)! I have to have the last word, so I told him the truth: I don’t get them yet! (I was a late starter.) He went so red in the face and called me JB [jail bait] from then.

You also mentioned Roger’s cat Ziggy having kittens. I read about this but never when exactly it was. Do you remember?

I think it was winter ‘73. I remember being cold when he was asking around the pub. [To find homes for the kittens, I gather.]

Is it quite strange reading fictional interpretations of real people you knew? When did you first find out there was Queen fanfic?

No, we used to make up stories about people all the time, a verbal fanfic. Was looking up Adam Lambert and came across the fanfics. Some had me in stitches! Others, like DoA, had me hooked.

Please, allow me to be a little self-indulgent at the end. What's one thing I got totally RIGHT in DoA?

All the Ibex stuff.

What's one thing I got totally WRONG in DoA?

Roger did not have a temper, and I don’t know what the go with his father was, but he would talk about him quite a bit and was always visiting his mum. [Absolutely fair, not only did I change the timeline of Roger’s parents divorce in DoA - for lack of information at the time - but also created a completely fictional narrative around it for the sake of storytelling.]

J, thank you so much for all this, sincerely. Can you tell me a little more about yourself? Are you still an artist?

I don't paint or draw any more. At the age of a 50 the doctors operated on an aneurysm or three, and now my eyesight is very bad, I have no fine motor skills and a tremor. I was married in January 1984 and have just celebrated our 37 year anniversary. I have one daughter who is 30 and two great, although tiring grandkids. A girl, 11, and one boy, 5. I have lived my life as the average middle class Australian with great memories. Talking with you has helped me a lot to remember a time when the world was mine for the taking. When I returned to OZ I started nursing, met my best friend, and we planned that once we graduated we would go back to London to study midwifery. But I fell in love instead.

J's wedding in 1984. As you can see, she found her own blue-eyed blond.

---

Upon request, J has shared some of her past and present artwork with me.

These are from her time at Ealing Art School:

These were done later, back in Australia:

J: Did this just before Christmas as you had inspired me. It did not require fine motor skills!

So there you have it! I hope you found this little glimpse through a 16-year-old girl’s eyes as much of a fascinating read as I did. I urge everybody one more time to remember that J did not have to share any of this, and I think we all owe her a big thank you for delving into her memories. She is likely to see the responses on AO3, so I have comment moderation enabled there as I will not let anybody harass this lovely lady. The tumblr she created is @since72, but she isn’t really an active user and also very new to it all. Again, I can only urge everybody to be respectful.

If you have other burning question for J, feel free to leave them in the comments on AO3. I will either pass them on, or she may want to reply to them herself directly.

#Queen band #Freddie Mercury #Roger Taylor #John Deacon #Brian May #interview #i am so excited about this #so much into #information #JB

357 notes · View notes

joshslater · 3 years

Text

My Bully

Story idea by Bearcub. Similar stories and bonus material on my Patreon.

Alex had never been my best friend, but we had been in the same class up until senior high school, even when the classes were reshuffled. We had been to each other's houses, done projects together in class, with and against each other in PE. But once in senior high we were divided into new classes again, and this time we ended up in different ones. I lost some friends and gained new ones, but Alex was one of those people who just happens to be in your life and then move out of it without any good or bad feelings. We still greeted if we ran into each other in the hallways or downtown, not nothing more than that.

I knew he liked sports, but come college I was surprised he joined the jocks. We both ended up in the same college. The curse of options in rural states I guess, but he became part of the popular in-group. The star players from each year, cheerleaders, groupies, the rural state cliché. He instantly became cool by association, even more so as the they mixed across the years. He was on first name basis with prominent seniors, invited to their parties. There's some sort of hierarchy still I suppose if you look closely. He always looked a bit like a puppy around them, always heeding their biddings.

I don't know if he had anything to do with it, but I became decidedly out-group.

It started small. One of the jocks greeted me with "Hey fag" and a sneer one day. I didn't think much of it, until another one of team popular did the same. I knew I had been selected. The eye of Sauron was shining bright on me as the guy it was open season on. Demeaning or homophobic slurs flung across the hall or were taped to my locker. Alex never did any of it, but he was often nearby as an observer. He dressed the same as them, sat with them, and given how he had filled out presumably worked out with them. He no longer stopped to greet me whenever we passed each other.

I don't think they actually knew I was gay. I mean, I hadn't told anyone, but gaydar is totally a thing. If nothing else I would get hard whenever they where around. They, the good looking, athletic, popular ones. At least I always wear jeans.

It all slowly went downhill during the fall with more and more harassment. I wasn't ready to quit, but I could feel the strain of it. If I could just hold out until next year then the worst offenders would age out, some new come in, and hopefully the power dynamic would change. Until then I could gather evidence, take photos of notes, perhaps record some audio, so I was prepared if I needed to take action next fall.

Then came Christmas. It even made the local news that a team of students had broken into the faculty building and had a wild party there that had gotten out of hand. The entire group was swept away by the swift series of expulsions that came just the following week. All of them were gone, except for Alex. Apparently he hadn't been there. Perhaps not even invited.

The new year started much brighter than a bleak January had any right to be. Bright up until I met Alex on my way to my locker. "Fucking faggot!" was all he said, and purposefully crashed into my shoulder hard as he passed me by. Without his posse it appeared he had taken upon himself to continue their work. It felt pathetic more than threatening. For sure he could kick the shit out of me if he wanted, but even at the end before Christmas they hadn't gone that far. And most important of all there was only one of him, so I didn't constantly got bumped into by them.

Still, he diligently kept the hostility up at an even pace for weeks. It was Thursday afternoon first week of February when I encountered him at a parking lot off campus. I was there to pick up some crafts material and some quality sushi when I exited my car and saw him striding across the lot with me in focus. "Hey, fag!" he shouted. I was unsure what I would do. My back was literally against the wall, in this case the windowless side of a Bath and Beyond. I could run for it and hide in my car, but I wasn't sure it was the smart thing to do, even if I could outrun the athlete that practice taking down people for pleasure weekly.

"I don't care what you want! Suck my dick, Alex!" I shouted back in his face, just feet away now. He grabbed me and pushed me hard against the wall. I winced and braced for a fist in my gut or chin. Instead to my surprise Alex kneeled and quickly unbuttoned my jeans. He then took out my erect dick and began to lick it. I was lost, confused, and started to edge away, when he grabbed me by the hips and started to deep throat my dick. I did own a fleshlight but never had a real blowjob before. Compared to what I had imagined, this was assertive, almost forceful.

I don't know what they did to Alex, but he follows every command I give him. He is not mindless, you can totally have a normal talk with him, but if you order him to do something he will do it, so far without question. I've given him strict commands to not do what others tell him to do, unless he wants it. I don't know how that will work out in the end, but so far he appears to resist others. Don't know how long he'll do what I say either, but I can say it has made my life so much easier. I get into parties now, I have a personal trainer, and let's just say neither of us are virgins anymore, in the gay sense.

338 notes · View notes

dykefoosh · 3 years

Text

It's been a year! Transcript: 8/3/21 Here is also a google doc of the transcript if that is easier to read!

*Starts out with happy birthday on a guitar playing*

Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthdayyyy to meee, Happy Birthday to me

*Drinks a swig of alcohol*

Ah. Yeah it’s my birthday today, which um seems odd, it doesn't feel like i've been here that long… but I have. Cheers everyone uh. I realise I haven't really done much in a while.

I woke up this morning, rolled out of bed, put out this cake I made three months ago and uh, that's kind of been it, but yeah… I don’t think I’ve left this room in 80 days. About 80 days… How long is 80 days? I- I- that's a lot of months… that's been a long time… Also my vision just went black, I’ve been drinking a lot, um this is that possibly catching up with me um please return vision, I’d really like for it to be back, well I can hear things so at least i'm not deaf ya know? The lord has kept my hearing but I am blind, no um yep there we go.

I decided to get dressed up as well. I figured that would be nice, ya know? I’m pretty sure I was part of them back when I joined, so.. .I don't know if it felt like it made sense to dress up again. Um, fucking hell, I have not cleaned. *sighs* I’ll be honest, in the time I was gone, not very… not very much has happened, uh, it turns out you need customers to support a hotel, and I don’t know about you guys but I haven't seen one on this place for a pretty long while. So uh, basically what I’m saying is… the big jack manifold hasn't been going too hot, god, you don’t provide these guys with food for eighty days and they all go bones and evil.

LEAVE out you bard, you-

The point is, very little has been done here for quite awhile, and um I haven't been outside or seen anyone, and I- I didn't’ finish the pub. Um, you may be asking me, “but jack wasn't that the only thing you were working towards? I know but with the failure of the hotel, I kind of realised that again pubs also rely on customers and the very limited people on this server, as we can all see it really ah um, well it didn’t seem very fruitful. So um, we're kinda just here, living here rent free ever since we claimed this place… I actually don’t know who pays the rent.. Maybe Tommy still does um. I Don't know- anyway since I’ve been here for a year and I haven't really looked around in three months, I thought we would go and look around at everything that we once saw, you know?

I must admit the investment of the alcohol from the pub has been the only thing keeping-.. I shouldn't say that, let's not speak about that part. Yeah it turns out that this place, look I haven't been outside in eighty days and I think maybe since I’ve been here for a year I can go back and have a look around at everything. And um as I said I dressed up for the occasion, so um you know… lets see what's changed hmmm?

Anyway let's walk around shall we? Well this didn’t change, we still got mcpuffys here. Hehe, no one noticed my balls sign hehe, no one noticed, I forgot about this, no one noticed I replaced whatever the original one was with balls in hope they wouldn't notice and they didn't. Ahh that's good, I like that. Anyway, there's the duck and Ponk’s tower that seem pretty much the same.

This looks different, this was a hole.. Who are you? Alright? You know we are the only two people on the server right now? (talking to shroud) This basically means we gotta become friends. So.. tell me about yourself.. Sir? Madam? Shroud, alright. Oh Ohhh I stole some of these! Did I ever give them back? Whoops, oh well. Ahh, it's been quiet without him ya know tommy. I’ll be honest, theres been very little to do, with him gone, um, the fuck did ninjas house go? Why does it look like a very small mcdonalds?

Right, this tower, this seems pretty much the same. Does the sewer still exist? Hm oh wait does it not? What ohh no what happened to the sewers? Aw, there was a whole sewer system out there one time and oh wow. Why is there no longer a sewer there? Wait oH OH it is down here!

One of the first things I remember is me tommy and tubbo and quackity, before he even joined and was still in juvy we, hehe, we did a little heist on everyone and we stole the poo machines and stole everything and then we had a little room, and it was here and we stole the phantom membranes. It was a good time, it was a good time, I liked that and then ah there had only been one war. It's crazy to think there's been more, I thought we’d figure it out the first time, you know? It was fun. And we were called the beatles. Either way yeah.

Why the fuck is half of this place beatroots? Why are half of these beetroots and the other half potatoes? Why is it all farm?? Why? Why is it beats? Wait where did gay target go? Why is there just a beacon here? At least there's huts pizza. Employee of the first two days, of dunderbeatlin… the fuck is dunderbeatlin? What's this? Why are there new things? I know it's been eighty days but why?

This is the L’manburg museum, bearing in mind I'm dressed like this I should go see it.

Oh! It's like different things. This is like the community house, okay that's cool and that's the egg.. This is a replica it won't hurt you… oh it doesn't it won't actually hurt you. I guess they remade that shit. What even happened with that thing? I remember it tried to possess me once and then I bathed in the holy water and I was good again. Oh wow it's like a map of the whole server and there's egg gunk. And then and then and then here.. Where am I? Oh… is that lmanburg? Where is lmanburg? Oh wait oh yeah yeah wait I forgot…. Oh…. yeah….. Um….heh yeah….

OH its the lmanburg walls! I remember tearing them down and rebuilding them a lot and the hotdog van! Does it have the declaration in it? No it doesn't… It is blue. Ohhh…… I joined the day after this (the final control room) God, it's been a whole year since then… What's this? Wait… I feel like there's missing lines here. I don’t know if sorry, you know? Oh, look here, oh it just says i'm sorry. (erets apology book) I’m not all that sure that sorry quite cuts that. What's this? Oh this looks unfinished. Oh here's a map of old lmanburg! OH that's ze house! Before… I burnt it down and decided I wasn't gonna have manifold land anymore.. I miss that, I miss lmanburg.

It was a lot easier to dream when we were friends. Everyone feels so distant now but maybe that's because I haven't seen them, maybe that didn't help I mean no one came to say hi to me. Oh, oh, my main takeaway was that, wait it's not glass anymore, it's like a cavern, it was glass the last time I was there, it's changed since I was here to remember what happened… Why does it look like this? Hmm I don't know. Ah this was my cove, and it was untouched until I burnt it down fuck you.

Oh and theres my secret base that I never finished, FUCK YOU - fuck I hate him, anyway… oh there's the big obsidian bridge, oh isn't this where tommy was exiled? Over this way? I think… That means it was somewhere along here that… wait no it was right here… right? We turned on these stairs, stepped down, and pretty sure it was right here… he dug this.. I don’t think I want to visit this place. I want to go back, this isn't really where I want to be.

Anyway um, I wonder if Snowchester has changed. Lets go visit, okay um, that's weird that's freshly planted. Let's head over to Snowchester its that way. Since when was Tubbos' house back? Didn’t Tommy burnt it down? I swear this got burnt down.. I remember the ruins of it, there was a nether tree farm then in it… anyway…. Let's go check out fundys place. I haven't seen him in FOREVER. The last time I saw him was the last war… the day… the last war… WHY ARE THERE BIG MUSEUM THINGS EVERYWHERE??

Where's fundys house? I built it. I remember building it as a prank and then he liked it and lived in it.. Where's my tower? It was here next to the fox, his little fox hole… my towers were gone, it was definitely here, it was a million percent here and it was right next to it. It was somewhere there was a button it had a button. There was a big sign made out of obsidian…

I don’t know if you can tell, but I’ve been pretty purposeless for the past eight days… what the fuck? That's a HOLE. That's a big ass hole! That wasn't always there?! When did a hole show up?? There's a HOLE in my hotel!! I'm trying not to lose my cool and you know when I go the day that I joined, and the first person that greeted me was tommyinnit and still, I wish, I just wish someone logged in and said “hey jack happy one year” and I try to build them a pub and one of these *drinks a swig of alcohol* I mean at least..

Every time….. Everything here and how come it's all the things I care about that get blown up? Lmanburg… Manifold Land- Well I did manifold land but I was pissed off - Everything I care about on this server gets blown up, or destroyed or taken advantage of or.. Betrays me, that happens a lot. I’m not sure if I wanna be here anymore.

I’m not sure if I want to have anything to do with this… maybe that's it. Maybe that's it. What does this place bring? What does this place bring? Ever since I have been part of the “Dream SMP” Things are given to me that are eventually taken or destroyed, friends leave, DEATH, not everyone has died on the server and come back to life admittedly, I have now but the point is, I AM VERY DEFINITE I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS SERVER ANYMORE… Alright? Almost everyone that has promised me something has turned their back. Almost everyone. The last thing anyone said to me was “Ah when las nevadas comes about, we will have a deal jack.. I’ll make it big” Yeahh.. .he really brought a lot of business. How's Las Nevadas doing?? Because when I HEARD it would be done and bring me customers, surely not another person would give me false hope.

Tubbos was the only one I can trust, Tubbo and Niki. I know Niki has become an anarchist or whatever but at least she's happy, and Tubbo was always kind.

I think Las Nevadas is somewhere over here. Let's go look at how “done it is” and how ready for business they are… Looking PRETTY finished for me. Big sign, big building, nice roads. Looking pretty… done. Pretty ready for a business deal. Isn't that a shocker… Isn't it weird yet again that someone promised me something and it fell through again?

So FUCK IT I don’t wana see Snowchester, I dont want to see anything, My WHOLE TIME on this server has been doing things for other people and fighting peoples wars, right? Keeping up hotels and pubs for people to stay, trying to kill people at worst that wasnt me and fighting for them. I haven't done anything for myself. ANYTHING AT ALL. And I said the hotel was for me and look where it got me- in a room for 80 days and a giant bottle of cider I have yet to finish- so fuck it! I’m not dealing with anyone else anymore. The “DREAM SMP” I’m gonna go out and start my own thing. I’m gonna call it the “Dream SSP” survival single player because I’m not dealing with anyone else anymore. Alright?

The day Tommy died, I said I was done with manifold land because the only thing it ever stood for was trying to get rid of him, and although it was also about getting back at him, it was about other people, but this time, I have something new in mind, something completely different…

NEW Manifold land will not cater to anyone else, not fight for anyone else, to I don’t know be anything for anyone else really. New Manifold land will stick very strictly to the name and persist of purely Jack Manifold, and I might steal Godzilla back from Tubbo (his arctic fox). Because as much as I said Niki was kind and Tubbo was kind, where they been the past 80 days? No one came to the hotel. No one came looking for me to which point, I say I’m gonna find myself my own little place. I’m just gonna live. I’m gonna do what I want, the only thing is, I need to find an area of my own, we need to travel. So let's get moving hmm?

#dsmp transcript #transcript #jack manifold #c!jack #big manifold hotel #c!niki #c!tubbo #c!tommy #dsmp #lmanburg #manifold land

33 notes · View notes

spaceshipkat · 3 years

Text

and thus begins my ac0sf recap. part 1 will cover the intro (it’s not labeled, so not sure what else to call it) and chapters 1 - 20

intro: a replay of when Nesta was forced into the Cauldron. it’s really dramatic, but not in a good way, and we learn that Nesta made a vow to kill the king of Hybern blah blah we saw all this in ac0maf

chapter 1: Cassian goes to visit Nesta but hesitates at the front door. he wonders why Nesta chooses to live somewhere that isn’t the townhouse that faerug and riceman lived in. Nesta answers the door, apparently looking worse than she has in the past, and is wearing a man’s shirt. Cassian finds this offensive. we learn that the last time Nesta was seen by anyone was at a barge party a month ago that she clearly didn’t want to attend but that Amren made her go to. Nesta is, ofc, emaciated but still has big boobs. Cassian would want to court her on the size of them alone were it anyone else who had them. now in Nesta’s POV, we learn she doesn’t know the name of the guy she slept with last night. she takes a bath. riceman had offered her jobs in his court and she turned all of them down. Cassian returns to collect her. Nesta knows that the human queens blame her for what happened at the end of the trilogy. they arrive at the palace that faerug built on land riceman bought after the war. it’s big and pretty. everyone has a portrait but Nesta. Nesta walks into the meeting room and everyone immediately starts slut-shaming her and picking on her appearance. riceman threatens her and faerug finally steps in, but it’s made clear that Nesta’s “behavior” is wrong and that, evidently, faerug wants to take the blame. faerug tells Nesta that she’s leaving to go train with Cassian.

chapter 2: faerug tells Nesta that she’s going to be living in the House of Wind and train with Cassian. we learn that faerug is protecting herself with a shield bc they think Nesta will hurt her. they’re dressing up threats and control with concern for Nesta’s wellbeing. we get a recap of faerug crying afters seeing the charges Nesta made on their account and riceman deciding what they’re gonna do about Nesta. Nesta is told that she will be kept in the House of Wind “not as a prisoner” and, if she doesn’t comply, she’ll be sent back to the human lands. Nesta wants to talk to faerug alone and everyone acts like she’s gonna run up behind faerug with a chair. faerug explaisn she’s embarrassed by Nesta and Nesta’s spending habits and that’s why Nesta has to go to train with Cassian. Nesta tells faerug that she never wants to see her again and faerug contradicts herself several times bw saying that Nesta is a prisoner and isn’t a prisoner.

chapter 3: we get more description of what fey///sand’s home looks like. Cassian tells us about visiting faerug’s studio to watch her paint. riceman asks if Cassian is ready to train Nesta, Cassian says yes bc he’s handled young warriors before and gotten them “in line,” and riceman insinuates that Nesta will require the same level of handling that the Illyrians did. Cassian was given the names Lord of Bloodshed and Prince of Bastards. there’s a lot of sex insinuation. riceman tells Cassian that Cassian is meant for bigger things than just being his general. he wants Cassian to look into the scheming of the human queens. Mor has returned and will go with Cassian to settle in Nesta. Nesta refuses to speak to faerug. Mor winnows them to the House of Wind. Nesta is told she’ll stay in her room and Cassian’s is on the level above. Nesta climbs into bed after being told that training will begin tomorrow.

chapter 4: Cassian finds Mor at a riverfront café. she likes the sunlight. Mor says they should toss Nesta into the Court of Nightmares and Cassian is angry. Cassian asks what happened in Vallahan, another country in the world, and Mor says they don’t want to sign the treaty, and Mor believes Vallahan and other countries (Montesere and Rask) want to be relevant, gain more territory, and start a war with the human queens. Cassian needs to find out what the human queens have in their possession that could help them win a war against the fae. Cassian thinks Vassa could help them understand the human queens. Lucien is the emissary to the human lands, and lives with Vassa and Jurian, but Mor says that Lucien can’t be trusted anymore bc he’s close with Vassa and Jurian. Nesta wakes up in her room and remembers her mother’s plans for her (to marry “for conquest”). Cassian is lying awake in his bed, which is “large enough for three Illyrian warriors to sleep side by side, wings and all.” Azriel returns. riceman talks to Cassian in his head and it’s all very gay undertone-y.

chapter 5: Cassian is trying to convince Nesta to eat. Cassian explains healthy eating to Nesta and tells her how sugar works. she recalls that short story where Cassian forced her up against a wall, held her against her will, and licked her neck, though here it’s meant to be romantic. Nesta eats breakfast and Cassian says that Nesta will be climbing into his bed at some point. Cassian thought what happened at the end of the war meant that Nesta liked him, too. they go to Windhaven. Nesta surveys the training grounds. the Illyrians immediately don’t like Nesta and demand why she’s there, and Cassian reminds them that she’s faerug’s sister and thus needs to be respected. Devlon, an Illyrian, says that Nesta isn’t allowed to touch any weapons if she’s on her period, and if not, any weapons she touches must be buried. Nesta refuses to train, Cassian orders her in a snarl to get up, Devlon and Co return to watch their argument, a voice tells her to not belittle him by defying him, and disgust, disappointment, and anger color Cassian’s face, which makes Nesta happy.

chapter 6: Nesta watches Cassian train and remembers the final battle again. Mor shows up and tells Nesta that her vote was to dump Nesta back in the human lands. Mor brings them back to the House of Wind so Nesta can work in the library, and she meets Clotho. Clotho tells her that she’s to work from one PM to six PM. Nesta seems to enjoy working in the library, her mind quiet. Nesta and Clotho should be friends. Cassian doesn’t go to the dining hall to have dinner with Nesta. the house was told to not give Nesta wine (remember, the House of Wind is sentient, sorta, and does a lot of cleaning and cooking). she gets up and is angry that she’s alone. it’s tiring.

chapter 7: Mor winnows Cassian to the manor where Jurian, Vassa, and Lucien live. after Nesta refused to train, Cassian had to go pout on a cliff over the ocean and whine about it to the inner circlejerk. Lucien answers the door before Cassian can even knock. Eris is there for some reason. there are two humans in the room--Jurian and the “red-haired young queen”--that Cassian elects to ignore after reminding himself to stay calm. riceman evidently trusts Eris. Cassian doesn’t know why riceman chose Cassian to act as a courtier when he’s better at battlefields than politics. Cassian asks Lucien how the Spring Court is doing and Lucien says “it’s fine.” Cassian asks why Eris is there and Eris says that some of his soldiers have gone missing, but his scent hounds detected a human scent from their last known location. Cassian accuses Eris of disappearing his own soldiers, and Eris says that humans have expressed no interest in invading fae lands. Vassa confirms the human queens seem up to something. Vassa doesn’t understand why humans would take Eris’s soldiers when the Spring Court is closer and Tamlin wouldn’t notice anyone missing. the human queen made old is named Briallyn and she’s the one Vassa suspects of being the instigator in this hubbub with humans vs fae. Jurian orders Cassian to send Azriel to track Briallyn. Eris has it on good authority that “the other three [human] queens have scattered to the wind.” Vassa thinks that Koschei, the Bone Carver’s older brother, is pulling Briallyn’s strings. Koschei is known as Koschei the Deathless bc he is immortal and tricked people into selling Vassa to him, and would do all the above to get his freedom. Eris tells Cassian he’s a terrible courtier and then asks why Mor didn’t come inside to say hello, to which Cassian says that she didn’t know Eris was here. Eris wants to be on Cassian’s side bc Beron has pledged himself and his soldiers to Briallyn, and those soldiers who went with Beron to meet with Briallyn are the same soldiers who went missing and Eris can’t find. Eris says they should hand Nesta over to Koschei and Briallyn. Cassian says he could kill Eris then and there, and Eris says that would just cause a war. Eris then tells Cassian to send out Azriel and report to him, and to stay out of politics.

chapter 8: Nesta decides to leave the House of Wind to find wine, since she knows the kitchen and wine cellar will be locked to her, has some random flashbacks from her dad, and is too weak to make it down the stairs. Cassian just watched her struggle while smirking. Cassian reported everything from the meeting with Lucien and co to fey///sand. Cassian tells Nesta that her progress down the stairs is pathetic. Cassian tells Nesta to go to training and actually participate so she’s not such a weakling. Nesta eats breakfast early bc she doesn’t want Cassian to see her limping. Azriel follows Cassian into the dining room. Nesta tells Cassian she wants to train with Azriel instead and Cassian is offended by this. Azriel tells Cassian that he’s in “deep shit” bc he got a boner when Nesta said his name at breakfast. we learn that Azriel is off to spy on Briallyn. Nesta refuses to train again and it takes the entire training session (which is two hours) for Cassian to cool his boner, and he decides not to tell Nesta anything he learned in the meeting with Lucien and Eris. Cassian tells Nesta, who is cold after the end of his exercises, to go wait inside a house bc he had business to attend to. as Nesta stares into the fireplace, Cassian notices she looks scared and wonders where she went just then, then offers for her to go shopping in the village if she wants. she doesn’t reply, so he leaves.

chapter 9: Nesta goes shopping bc she wants something warmer than her fighting leathers. the shopkeeper is a woman whose wings were clipped, so now Nesta knows about the FGM of the Illyrians. Nesta is in the shop bc she wants to buy warmer fighting leathers, but she realizes she won’t be able to pay for them so she quickly says never mind. the shopkeeper offers to make inquiries anyway, bc if she’s cold she shouldn’t suffer, no matter what the High Lord thinks. the shopkeeper is named Emerie. Nesta goes to work with Clotho, Nesta worries Bryaxis is down there, Clotho tells her that Bryaxis never hurt Clotho and the other women protected in the library. food appears that Nesta doesn’t want to eat and she meets another priestess, named Gwyneth Berdara. Nesta doesn’t like that acolytes are “bossing her around” by giving her more books to shelve. at the end of her shift, she goes into a library in the house proper and asks for food with a “please” and the house feeds her.

chapter 10: Nesta eats three servings of soup and the house gives her chocolate cake. she asks if it’s Cassian-approved and he says no, startling her from where he’s in the doorway. he asks why she’s eating in the library and she says it’s obvious, and then he asks why she’s talking to no one and she says she’s talking to the house, and Cassian points out it doesn’t talk back but she says that’s why she does it. he goads her about training again. Nesta lies in bed reading an erotica. the house tries to light a fire in the fireplace and she again says no fire. it shuts her curtains for her. Nesta wakes up from a nightmare and decides to go down the 10,000 steps again. she falls down the steps and catches herself on the wall, but her nails remain embedded in it. the next morning at training, Cassian asks her “who won the fight”. we learn Cassian was watching Nesta try to leave and didn’t bother to help bc she stopped falling. the male Illyrians keep mocking him for Nesta’s refusal to train. he holds his hand out to her and says “please” and she wants to take his hand but can’t bring her body to get up. the “light in his eyes dimmed” when she refused and he said “tomorrow then” and doesn’t speak to her for the rest of the day.

chapter 11: Nesta wants to eat in the library again, but the house refuses her entry so she has to eat with Cassian and Azriel in the dining room. Cassian asks Azriel how long he’ll be gone to spy on Briallyn, and Azriel says he isn’t sure bc there’s a lot of danger there, but it’ll be safer for him to live in the House and winnow back and forth, as per riceman’s orders. Azriel asks how Nesta got bruised, apparently concerned, and Cassian is snide and tells him that she fell down the stairs but if she bothered to train she wouldn’t be as weak. she says, pointedly, that she doesn’t want to train in that village (which, to me, sounds like she wants to train but somewhere else) though Cassian insists she must bc of orders from riceman and, if she doesn’t, she’ll face “consequences”. Nesta says that riceman is an asshole, Cassian gets pissed bc he doesn’t agree and doesn’t like her tone, and then he tells her that everyone hates her and that he’s “done” (i guess with training her) and storms out. she goes to the library to work for Clotho and no one talks to her. Cassian goes to brood over Nesta’s refusal to work and faerug shows up. she’s still wearing the magical shield that riceman put on her. we learn Mor is going to Vallahan again tomorrow. faerug asks why Nesta won’t train, Cassian says it’s bc she hates him, and faerug promises him that Nesta doesn’t. faerug doesn’t understand why she and Nesta don’t get along and explains her ~tragic backstory~ to Cassian. Cassian wonders if working in the library will be enough to help Nesta and faerug says no, the library was simply a place to balance the training. Cassian has finally arrived at the conclusion that maybe they shouldn’t be training in the village if that’s what’s preventing Nesta from participating at all.

chapter 12: now, Nesta and Cassian are in the training ring on top of the House of Wind instead of at Windhaven, which confuses her. Cassian has realized that it’s better to train Nesta away from Windhaven, and when she hesitates, clearly uncertain (and i can’t blame her, she probably thinks there’s strings attached), he offers her a bargain: if she trains for an hour, he’ll owe her a favor. she agrees to the bargain and they shake on it, and magic zaps bw them bc of whatever her power is making the deal into something “more intense. Demanding.” he now has an eight-pointed star tattooed on his back. he gets horny again bc Nesta is looking at his muscles. she still remembers him telling her that everyone hates her, but she feels safer in the training ring on the House of Wind instead of at Windhaven. they start training with stance and poses and spend a lot of time talking about her toes. they say they’ll work for another hour, which will consist of a cooldown and breathing work, both of which Nesta needs explained to her for some reason. Nesta asks Cassian if he likes flying and then asks why the male Illyrians clip the female Illyrians’ wings. Cassian explains that Nesta needs to drink water. she lies down and tries to catch her breath and Cassian imagines her like this in his bed after sex. Nesta tells Cassian that the second hour of training was on the house, no bargain necessary. Cassian tells Nesta that he didn’t mean it when he said that everyone hates her, and clarifies that he doesn’t hate her. she tells him she doesn’t hate him, either.

chapter 13: Nesta is hungry while she works in the library and has, apparently, internalized what Cassian told her about being “pathetic” for not having the same physical endurance that he does. Gwyn shows up and is surprised that Nesta has been shelving everything by hand instead of with magic, and she says it like it should be obvious even though no one told Nesta what to do except to shelve books, evidently forgetting that a woman born human will not have the first instinct of using magic to do simple menial tasks. Gwyn can’t find a book and is afraid that who she works for will be angry. Gwyn wastes that time she could be looking for the book explaining what the priestesses do besides work in the library. Nesta decides to help Gwyn find the book she needs by asking the house where it is, and then asks where to find Merrill’s office (Merrill is the woman Gwyn works for). Merrill is suspicious, for some reason. Merrill is researching other worlds, bc she thinks there are others out there, and is also researching the Valkyries, bc of course she is. Nesta returns to her room, eats, and takes a bath. she sleeps and thinks she feels or smells Cassian come in, reaches for him, but he’s already gone.

chapter 14: Cassian waits in the training ring, but Nesta hasn’t shown up, nor was she at breakfast. she shows up and they perform stretches. he comments that she’s nimble on her feet and she explains she had dancing lessons as a kid, and then goes into her backstory: dad loved Elain and faerug more, mom made Nesta her “creature”. she doesn’t want to talk more about it, so she asks him about the priestesses and what happened in Sangravah. Cassian explains that one of the legs of the Cauldron was at the temple and it provided the priestesses with their gifts, but Hybern wanted it, sent soldiers to collect it, and they did while killing many priestesses and raping most of them. Cassian goes to the Spring Court with riceman, which makes him “itch”. Eris is also there. he called the meeting, evidently, and says they’re wasting time spying on the human queens instead of acting. riceman says he’s “half-serious” about killing the human queens in a non-sloppy way, to which Cassian says it’s not a good idea. riceman asks Eris why his dad wants to go to war so badly. Beron wants to pit fae against fae for a vacant court, i guess? the Spring Court, i assume. Eris says that Tamlin is staying in his beast form and prowls the Spring Court and Cassian says he’s getting the punishment he deserves. Eris wants to seize his dad’s throne for the “same reason” he left Mor “untouched at the border.” he then challenges Cassian to ask Mor about the full story. he leaves, Cassian asks riceman why he’s distracted, and riceman says “nothing” but it’s safe to assume it’s bc faerug is pregnant. back in Nesta’s point of view, she tries to leave down the 10,000 steps again and is too sore, goes back to her room, and the house draws her a bath and gives her a slice of chocolate cake (the cake is bc she tells the house it might be her only friend and it’s evidently pleased by this).

chapter 15: Nesta is sent to the seventh level of the library, which is unnerving, as there’s nothing but darkness down the ramp. Nesta stares into the darkness and hears her name, feels like it’s beckoning her, but Gwyn finds her and says they should leave, even though Nesta needs to shelve a book down there. Gwyn explains that other people have seen darkness down there, too, after Nesta tells her what she saw (Nesta tells us, not Gwyn, that it was reminiscent of what she saw in the Cauldron). Gwyn guides Nesta away and tells her to not look back, since Gwyn can feel it watching. Gwyn used an Invoking Stone, which has powers from the Mother, to shield them as they went up to the fourth level where Nesta’s cart is, and Nesta asks what the darkness was. Gwyn explains that “the being” that lived down there is gone but vestiges of its power might remain. Nesta explains that the darkness feels older than that, and Gwyn asks if she’s an adept in such things (not condescendingly, luckily), so Nesta tells her that she was Made by the Cauldron, which Gwyn didn’t think possible. Gwyn says that Nesta shouldn’t go down to the seventh level if the darkness down there is drawn to her bc she’s Cauldron Made, though Nesta argues that that’s cowardly and she needs to work for Clotho. a woman named Riven walks past, seemingly afraid, and Gwyn explains that Riven arrived 80 years ago but is still wary of strangers, and only Riven, Clotho, and riceman know what happened to Riven. Nesta tells Gwyn what she’s doing with Cassian. Nesta asks why Gwyn doesn’t wear the Invoking Stone on her head like the other priestesses and Gwyn says bc she doesn’t “deserve to”. the next morning, they’re still stretching and practicing balancing. Cassian gives Nesta his backstory and explains that rape is illegal in the Night Court and Illyria, but in Illyria it’s considered a “betrayal” if the victim comes forward. Cassian “bothers with the Illyrians” bc he “fought like hell to prove [his] worth to them”. Cassian explains the training helped him through bad times, helped faerug, and they think it’ll help Nesta, and Nesta feels "oily shame” for making him talk about his past, so she tells him to show her more movements. the house likes filthy romance novels, so it shares some with Nesta that night in her room. the house actually makes her laugh. Nesta asks if she can have dinner and the house opens her door, implying she should go eat with Cassian, and doesn’t listen when she says that she’s had enough Cassian time today. Cassian is in the dining room when she enters bc she’s hungry, and he asks how the library was, to which she says that nothing tried to eat her today, to which he “goes still” and asks what happened. she tells him and he goes pale, then greenish, and says that they should’ve kept hunting for Bryaxis and that he’s seen Bryaxis a few times. Bryaxis showed him his most “primal fears”. Nesta asks what kind of monsters Cassian put in the Prison. Cassian tells Nesta about some of the really bad monsters that even humans have legends about. you can find the passage here. Cassian tells her about a few more but she asks him to stop, and he asks if the darkness in the library reacted to her powers, to which she says she doesn’t have any, and it’s clear Cassian doesn’t believe her. he says that Lucien says her fire powers differ from his bc hers is much colder. she doesn’t want to answer but he keeps pressing, so she gets up to leave and he blocks her, says that it never mattered to him what powers she got from the Cauldron. she asks him why he even bothers, he counters with why she stayed at his side when they went up against Hybern. she says bc she was a stupid fool, he asks her what she’s afraid of, she says nothing, he says liar. he tells her that when her powers rise to the surface, her eyes flare like “silver fire” and i summarize the rest of what happens here.

chapter 16: Cassian didn’t sleep well and masturbated four times to Nesta, though he finds it difficult to meet her eye at breakfast. Nesta arrived before him and was reading, but she put the book down when he came in. he asks her what she’s reading, she says it’s a romance, he says he gathered that but wants to know what it’s about (he’s trying to break the awkward silence), and when she drops her hand to her lap he realizes she masturbated, too, but they have two hours of training to get through and he can’t have a boner during that, but he gets one anyway bc he imagines her masturbating. they’re both very distracted. Cassian risks her seeing his boner and flees. once alone, Nesta berates herself for saying “the book is about a book” despite how genuinely funny that actually was to me. she thinks he fled bc he doesn’t want her. he says they’re working on her “core” and then clarifies “abdominals” instead of stretching and balance today. he says her core strength is “pathetic” bc she can’t hold a plank for thirty seconds while he can for five minutes. he works out bc she’s tired and tells him to so he leaves her alone and she starts thinking he looks like a hero over some pushups and planks. she asks if there are female Illyrian fighting units, he says no bc they tried once and it “failed spectacularly,” and she says “because Illyrians are backward and horrible,” and he winces. Cassian heavily implies that female Illyrians can’t become warriors bc the training is difficult, as is the society, and further adds the Blood Rite. he explains what happens during the Blood Rite and then finishes with how he doesn’t want Mor, for instance, to complete the Rite despite probably being able to do it in record time. Nesta asks if female Illyrians can become warriors without the Rite, and Cassian says the male Illyrians would consider it an insult and no one would want to work with them. progress amongst the male Illyrians is them now “decontaminating” weapons after a woman touches them, when before a woman would be killed for doing so. Nesta asks if he’d be willing to train Illyrian females, he points out that he’s training her, she says what about the women in the library, and he says yes but many of the women in the library don’t want to be around men anymore. Nesta says then maybe one of Cassian’s female friends, such as Mor, and he says Mor is away but he could ask faerug, and Nesta interrupts to say “not faerug”. he, to my surprise, agrees without argument that he won’t ask faerug but does need to tell her and riceman about it, and then tells Nesta he really likes the idea.

chapter 17: Nesta asks Clotho if she’d be okay with Cassian training any priestesses who want to train and Clotho gives her permission, though she doesn’t think many will go. Nesta posts a sign-up sheet and no one does, so Cassian tells her to “keep reaching out her hand,” aka the thing he was told when he began training with Nesta. she works out for days and gets stronger, makes it to step 500 of 10,000. she offers a favorite romance book to the house and the house accepts it and gives her a bouquet of flowers the next day. a week passes without Nesta seeing Gwyn, who is busy with Merrill on the Valkyrie research. still no one has signed up. Cassian teaches Nesta how to punch properly. she wonders if training and working in the library and conquering the 10,000 steps will do anything to help her inner demons, and i have to wonder the same thing. Elain arrives in the private library (the one in the House of Wind, not the one Clotho and co live in). Elain appears healthier than she did in the first days at the Night Court, and stopped by to see how Nesta is doing. Elain asks if she’s enjoying herself, and Nesta says she has no choice in being here so how can she possibly enjoy herself? Nesta is angry at Elain and Elain recognizes this and says that faerug warned her this might happen but she wanted to come anyway. Elain repeats the same thing that they’re doing this bc they love her and name-drops their dad and Nesta snarls to never mention him again and her magic flares, all of which Elain is upset by. Nesta tells Elain to leave, but Elain asks if this is all about their dad, and then says there was nothing they could have done to save him. Nesta tries to make Elain feel the same pain that she does over their dad’s death, though Nesta blames herself for their dad’s death. the fight drains out of Nesta and she tells Elain to go back to faerug and her little garden (bc Nesta feels betrayed, that Elain chose faerug and banished Nesta, and i mean she’s not entirely wrong?). Elain says that Cassian told faerug that the training seemed to be helping and Nesta says “sorrry to disappoint.” riceman is the one who brought Elain to see Nesta bc Cassian wanted to show riceman how the Illyrians were doing. Elain tells riceman that Nesta isn’t even trying and isn’t doing any better, and riceman gets angry, but Cassian says that he knows Nesta is doing better, she just needs time and maybe we should ask her permission before we spring Elain on her. riceman asks if faerug can come and Cassian says that Nesta doesn’t want to see her, to which riceman gets pissy, and Cassian tells him to calm down bc Nesta isn’t going to get better with riceman threatening to kill her every time. when riceman and Elain leave, Cassian goes to ask Nesta what happened and is angry about it. Nesta says she doesn’t want to talk to him, but Cassian asks what she said to Elain and she says that of course he assumes it’s Nesta who is at fault. it’s cold in the library so Cassian tells the house to light a fire, which triggers Nesta and she asks the house to extinguish the fire but it ignores her, which continues to trigger her, and all Cassian feels about the obvious fear on her face is curiosity. so, Nesta leaves to remove herself from the trigger, and Cassian asks where she’s going, to which she says “out,” and he asks what the plan is, if she’s going to just drive away everyone who loves her until she’s alone. he yells at her to say what she’s thinking to him and his magic flares, and she refuses and gets that dead look on her face, and then starts down the 10,000 steps.

chapter 18: Nesta wants to forget everything that’s going on rn with music and dancing bc she’s in a lot of pain. she makes it to step 1,000 before stopping. she climbs back up the steps and by the time she reaches the top she’s feeling better, the panic attack over. Cassian is waiting for her at the top, and she says she doesn’t want to train with him. he asks what step she got to and says “impressive” when she tells him. he asks what set her off, and then what Elain said, and she doesn’t want to talk about it so she asks why the priestesses won’t sign up, and Cassian says that maybe they’re not ready. we learn it’s been two weeks. Cassian says that the physical training is good, but she still has a lot of internal battles to win, and brings up faerug and Nesta says she doesn’t want to hear about faerug or riceman or Mor or anyone’s “special journey,” so he throws to her that he’ll tell his own “special journey” with an “icy” tone and i just. he tells her that he “slaughtered” everyone who hurt his mom. he says it took ten years for him to face what he had done during that slaughter, and tells Nesta that it’s okay if it takes her ten years or twenty years. she asks him if he regrets what he did and he says no, and she drops her head but he cups her chin and lifts her head and tells her that whatever she throws at him, he can take. she says her not being like anyone else should bother him, he says it doesn’t, she says it bothers everyone, including “oh-so-special Rhysand” and he gets angry at her tone, then grabs her wrist when she tries to leave. she says let go, he doesn’t and says to “make him,” she says it again, he finally lets go and is smirking at her, so she kisses him.

chapter 19: she has her eyes open and sees his eyes widen. when she steps back, he hauls her back in and kisses her back. there’s a lot of description of tongues and touching and grinding and then she gives him a hand-job. he looks at her like he suddenly regrets it and she pushes him away without finishing herself. the next morning at breakfast, Cassian can’t look Azriel in the eye. Azriel says they’ll meet at the river house to talk about what he’s learned about Briallyn. Azriel asks if there’s anything he, as chaperone, should know about bc he can smell Cassian’s arousal (i’m gagging). he was embarrassed bc he didn’t get her off, while Nesta misread that embarrassment as regret. he’s distracted and misses Azriel ask if the two of them (meaning Cassian and Nesta) are ready to go to the river house, and Cassian is surprised that Nesta is apparently invited and wonders if it has to do with her fight with Elain, then warns Azriel to not bring it up. but no, riceman needs both Cassian and Nesta there at the meeting.

chapter 20: they fly down to the river house and Cassian promises the meeting will be fast bc Nesta is, understandably, nervous about being there since everyone will presumably be at the meeting. they see a painting faerug made of Ramiel, the mountain. everyone but Elain and Mor are at the meeting. faerug is still shielded by riceman. Azriel tortured people to learn about Briallyn’s plans. the other queens left Briallyn behind, and Eris was right that Beron visited her. Briallyn wants to retrieve the Cauldron to get her youth back. Amren says that only they, Miryam, and Drakon know where the Cauldron is, and that it’s too protected with magic and wards to allow Briallyn close, but evidently Briallyn knows all of this. Koschei has been “whispering in Briallyn’s ear” through “the wind” and pointed her to the Dread Trove, not to help her but to free him. she and Koschei are evidently allies; Briallyn isn’t his puppet. Azriel tells Cassian he needs to ask Eris if Beron is aware of this. Nesta asks what the Dread Trove is, and Amren explains it’s objects the Cauldron Made: the Mask, the Harp, and the Crown. the Mask can raise the dead, the Harp can open any door, physical or otherwise, and the Crown can influence anyone and pierce through any mental shields. there’s rumors of a fourth object but also rumors it was Unmade, but i’d say it’s safe to assume it’ll be a deus ex machina. Nesta asks what the objects have to do with the Cauldron, and faerug says “like calls to like.” the Trove was Made by the Cauldron, so the Trove can find its Maker. faerug wonders if Briallyn can find the Cauldron bc she, too, was Made. Amren says the Cauldron made Briallyn old to punish her, or perhaps punish Nesta, and then says that she thinks Nesta took something from the Cauldron when she was in it. faerug asks what happened in the Cauldron. Nesta hesitates, so Cassian asks if it matters, to which faerug says it might give them insight, and Cassian tells Nesta they can discuss it later but Nesta starts talking, though is nervous when everone immediately turns to her. she practices the breathing exercises Cassian taught her, which helps. Nesta says she doesn’t know what she took, only that she took something the Cauldron didn’t want her to have, and faerug is satisfied with that and faerug says that it’s possible the Cauldron couldn’t imbue Briallyn with something to allow her to track it, only anything it Made. Amren says that if you collected everything it Made, you’d have enough power to track it down, and Azriel adds that it would also give you three powerful objects to use however you saw fit. riceman asks Azriel if all Koschei really wants is to be free of the lake, but Amren answers that no one knows the full scope of the Trove’s powers, so beyond being free from the lake, he could want other things too. Nesta asks what a death-lord is, and everyone looks at her like she’s stupid (apart from Cassian, i guess? since he answers her). Cassian says that he told her about Lanthys, and that Koschei is similar and can’t be killed. riceman says he’d forgotten about Lanthys and Cassian throws him a “dry look” and says he hadn’t. Amren shudders (i guess at the mention of Lanthys). here’s a summary:

Feyre cleared her throat. “So they are trying to find this Dread Trove in order to track down the Cauldron for Briallyn, and likely free Koschei in the process. And launch a war, with Beron as her ally, that would grant them whatever territories they wish. Or give some to Koschei, depending on what bargain he strikes with Briallyn—probably one to his advantage.”

“Again, Briallyn is well aware of Koschei’s insidious influence,” Azriel said. “If her strings are being pulled, it is only because she’s allowing it to achieve her own ends.”

chapter 20 continued: Azriel doesn’t think that Briallyn has found the Dread Trove yet, and all Koschei knows is that the Dread Trove was last seen somewhere in Prythian. Briallyn won’t risk going there yet, though Beron’s forces are going to Briallyn’s palace to ready her to go. Cassian says he’ll tell Eris but that they should warn the other courts and close borders and whatnot, and riceman says they’d expose Eris by doing so. Cassian asks about warning the other courts about the Trove, and riceman says no bc that’d probably make them go looking for it instead. faerug asks why they didn’t look for the Trove when they were looking for the Cauldron, and Amren says the Book was easier to find. it’s evidently been 10,000 years since anyone saw the Trove. Cassian asks if anyone has any ideas of where to find the Trove, and Amren says that Made objects typically don’t want to be found, and that the objects have sentience. Amren wonders if the Trove wants to be found bc it might have pulled back its glamour, hiding its location, to Briallyn after she was Made, and points out that Nesta and Elain are the same. Cassian wonders how they can track the Trove down, and Elain says “using me.”

#anti sjm #anti acosf #myth and kat read acosf #spoilers #acosf recap

82 notes · View notes

darkfairy-tales · 4 years

Text

Insanity - Chapter 3

Description: She was an angel who came across the devil himself and her existence drove him insane.

Pairing: Sangyeon x Reader

Genre: Mafia au

Warning: Mentions of blood. Swearing

The next day you had been on edge since the moment you woke up. You couldn't help but feel nervous about the party Sangyeon had mentioned. You couldn't help but keep thinking of Sangyeon too. He was a mystery. You couldn't figure him out. But he was an interesting person to you. Earlier he had texted you reminding you about the party to which you had replied that you remember it and that you don't have short term memory lost or things like that. You knew that you were being snappy but you didn't really care. An hour and a half before it turned 7 pm you had went to take a bath willing yourself to relax. You got out and slowly started to get ready taking your time. You settled for a light make up. Giving yourself a natural look. You let your hair down. The dress Sangyeon had gotten for you looked wonderful on you. It was the right fit which sort of surprised you. You wore the earring and necklace which went well with the dress. When you done giving yourself a final touch it was almost 7 pm already. You put your heels on and walked out of the house locking the door behind you.

Just on time a large expensive car pulls up in front of your house. The driver gets off and opens the door. You saw Sangyeon who had a smirk on, waving at you lightly. You huffed as you walked towards the car and got inside. The driver closing the door and then getting back to the driver seat as he starts the engine and drove towards where you assumed the party venue was. "You look beautiful princess." Sangyeon says. You glanced at him. He was wearing a beautiful suit which looked expensive and you think of how it must have costed a fortune. He looked hot if you were honest. Dangerous but tempting. He looked like a predator and unfortunately or fortunatelyyou felt like a prey under his gaze. You didn't really minded for some reason. "Thanks. You look great too." You mumbled as you looked away hiding your blush. The whole time on the way Sangyeon had his eyes trained on you and then looking away when you looked towards him. It didn't made you uncomfortable per say but you felt a little bit of nervousness in the pit of your stomach. Your let out the breath you didn't knew you were holding when the car stopped in front of a large hotel. You got out of the car along with Sangyeon. He takes your hand in his as he leads you inside the hotel. "Good evening Mr.Lee. Good evening ma'am." Some of the staffs greeted when you too walked in. Sangyeon nodded back at them. You did the same with a smile. You could see some of the female staffs glaring at you making you shift uncomfortably beside Sangyeon. "Good evening sir. I have been told to lead you to the hall. Please do follow me." A male staff said. "Lead the way then." Sangyeon said as both of you followed the staff.

He led you to the hall. You could hear the chatters and slow music playing in the party clearer and clearer as you got closer. "Here you go sir, ma'am. Enjoy the party." The staff said. The two guards guarding the door opened the door wide. It was as if all the spotlight fell on you and Sangyeon as everyone inside the hall turned back to look at you and Sangyeon. Some whispered to each other looking at you while some looked too surprised to say anything. "Let's go in princess." Sangyeon softly says to you as he leads you inside. Your arms hooked around his. "Smile. You look beautiful. Don't look too nervous. It will make you stand out more." Sangyeon says. You try to look relaxed as much as you can and give the people staring at you a smile. A middle aged man comes up to both of you grinning. "Oh hello Mr.Lee. I almost thought you were not coming but I see you did and also brought a beautiful date with you." The man says. Sangyeon gives the man a smile, which in your opinion was fake. "Well I had nothing much to do Mr.Chou. So I thought why not." Sangyeon said. "I see. So who is this beautiful woman?" The man asked looking at you up and down. You coughed a bit as the sudden attention. "I am Y/N. Nice to meet you." You said bowing a bit. "Such a lovely name. It is really nice meeting you." Mr.Chou says with a smile. "Anyway enjoy the party. I will go greet other guests." The man says as he walks away. Sangyeon leads you to the table filled with different types of food and drinks. "Stay here. Don't move. I am going to go have a talk with someone. You can eat anything here. Be wary of other people. Don't listen to anyone talking shit and most importantly don't trust and follow anyone." Sangyeon says. You just nod with a huff as he walks away.

"Jerk. Leaving me all alone in a party I have no idea about." You mumbled to yourself as you turned around the table filled with food. "What would you like to have ma'am?" A man, who seems to be a staff asked referring to the foods and drinks. "I am not sure. But I would like to drink something. Recommend me something." You said as you looked at all the drinks. "Non alcoholic or?" The man asked. "Yes non alcoholic please." You said with a smile. The man nodded as he picked up a blue drink handling it to you. "It is a mocktail called Blue Shoe. It is my personal recommendation." He said. You hummed as you took the glass and started drinking as you looked around all the people in the hall. Everyone seems to be socializing chatting with each other. You see Sangyeon chatting with some woman and you unconsciously narrow your eyes at them. "Who the hell is she?" you mumbled to yourself. "She is Im Chaerin." A voice answered for you. Surprised you turned around and saw a shorter male with blue hair. "Oh." You answered not really knowing what to answer. "I am Kim Hongjoong. Nice to meet you..." The man says trailing off. You noticed how he had such cute facial features. "Y/N. Nice to meet you too." You says as you finished off your drink. "You came with Sangyeon?" He asked. You hesitantly nodded. "Well that's a first. He doesn't really come in parties like this. More so he doesn't really bring anyone with him. You are a first. Many woman would be jealous. Especially with the fact that you are really attractive." Hongjoong says as he picks up a drink for himself.

"Are you here because you find me attractive too?" You asked raising your eyebrows. You didn't meant to sound cocky and shit but you were a bit curious. Hongjoong laughs at your questions. "I would have been attracted to you if I was single. But what can I say I am really loyal to my boyfriend." He says. "You are gay?" You asked for confirmation. "Bisexual. But I prefer man more." He says as he takes a sip of his drink. "How do you know Sangyeon?" You ask. "You can say we are kind of friends? Well we help each other in various ways. He is more closer to my boyfriend." He says. "Did you came with your boyfriend?" You asked as you put pick up another glass Blue Shoe Mocktail. "Yes. And I don't knew where the hell did he went." He huffs with an annoyed look. "I am sure he will come back looking for you." You said with a chuckle. "Oh well he better. Or else he is sleeping on the couch." He said sounding threatening making you laugh at his threat. You look back up to where Sangyeon was and you saw him walking back towards you, his eyes flickering between you and Hongjoong. "I don't know about mine. But your man surely is coming." Hongjoong says snickering. You blush at his words. "I hope I didn't took to long. And I see you have met Hongjoong." Sangyeon says. "You left your girl to talk to another girl. Y/N was glaring at you." Hongjoong says. His words making your flustered as you hit his arm blushing. "Oh is that so?" Sangyeon says, you swear you hear his cocky tone. "Shut up." You said glaring at him. "Hey baby." Another voice spoke up. You saw a man slightly taller than Hongjoong approach the said male. "Hey hwa." Hongjoong greets with a big smile. "Y/N meet him! He is my boyfriend. Park Seonghwa." He says with a bright smile. You internally cooed. They looked so good together. "Hi Seonghwa-ssi I am Y/N." You said with a little bow. "Nice to you meet you Y/N-ssi. I am guessing she is your date for tonight huh?" Seonghwa asked as he looks at Sangyeon smirking. "Yes you are right." Sangyeon answers putting his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him. "Does she know?" Seonghwa asked. "Yeah. She is the one who saved me after I got shot." Sangyeon says and realization dawns on you. "You guys are also gangsters or so?" You asked turing to Seonghwa and Hongjoong. They both nodded smiling sheepishly. You look at them in awe. 'Was all gangsters this handsome and pretty?' You thought to yourself.

"Anyway me and Hongjoong here will head out. We have to return soon. You know how Wooyoung is. Can't leave him alone for long. He might burn down my house or shit." Seonghwa says. "Sangyeon hyung do give Y/N my number. I would love to be friends with her." Hongjoong said making Sangyeon nod and after saying their farewell they went away. "They are cool." You mumbled. "Do you want to go back?" Sangyeon asked. "Yep I would love to. I am hungry. But I don't want to eat here." You said as you looked around at all the people feeling out of place and uncomfortable. After all you weren't used to attending such big parties. "Come on then." Sangyeon says as he pulls you away out of the hall. You followed him without any words. Both of you got inside the lift and he pressed on the 5th floor. "Why are we going on the fifth floor?" You asked curious. "This hotel has a large restaurant in the 5th floor. Their food is amazing." Sangyeon shortly says. When you arrived on the fifth floor he leads to where the restaurant was. In the front you can see a large glass door. The staff standing beside the door opens it for both of you with a friendly smile. He walks towards the reception. "Table for two please." Sangyeon says. The staff scarmbles off to guide you two to a table. You two ordered for your food and ate it quietly but you decided to break the silence. "So was the party.. a gang party? or whatever you call it?" You asked. He looks at you amused. "Nope. Some gang leaders has legal business. We use these business to hide our illegal works. And the party was a business related. Not gang one." He answers. "Is Seonghwa the leader of a gang too?" You asked now curious about lots of things.

"No. Hongjoong is the actual leader. But you can say Seonghwa is too. Because well they are together and they work together as a team to get their gang going. And Seonghwa is also the one who handles their legal business." Sangyeon says. "Aren't you scared that I might go to police and tell everything about you?" You blurted out. He laughs at your words. "First of all I don't think you won't. I know that you won't. Second of all you think they can catch us?" He says confidently. "Don't be so cocky." You grumbled as you focused back on your food as he did the same. After both of you were done eating he paid for the food. Oddly it felt as if it was date but you didn't dare comment on it. Both of you got out of the hotel and went to where the car was parked. The driver opened the door for you and Sangyeon to get inside. After closing the door he got to the driver's seat and started the engine driving back to your house first. "You really do look beautiful today." Sangyeon says making you blush mumbling a small 'thank you'. You didn't dare look at him too flustered. He was making your heart beat so fast and you felt butterflies in your stomach. You stayed silent as he settled for looking at you the whole way back to your house.

The car parked at the front of your house when you finally reached. Sangyeon got out of the car and kept the door open for you. "Thanks you know. For coming with me today." Sangyeon said. He was glad that it was dark. He didn't wanted you to see the blush on his cheeks. "Thanks too. I enjoyed it." You said looking down shyly. He suddenly closes the gap between you two. His arms coming up to wrap around your waist pulling you closer to him. You look up at him, your heart beating fast, your cheeks burning as it turned red, feeling shy at how close you two were. He leaned in and placed a peck on your lips. It was fast. It ended fast and it left you frozen. "I think I would like to have you as mine." He said lowly making you shiver. He pulls away from you. Your knees weak from his words. "Go in. I am sure you would like some good rest." He says with his hands in the pockets of his pants. You nodded. "Goodnight! I will see you some time later!" You squeaked out as you literally ran inside your house. You could hear him chuckling behind you. "I will definitely see you again love. Goodnight princess." You heard him say. You quickly opened the door and went inside. With a last peek at him you shut the door closes as you leaned your back against it trying to catch your breath. 'Fuck my first kiss is gone' you internally screamed as your hand touched your own lips. That night you fell asleep, still feeling tingles on your lips where Sangyeon's lips were earlier. And you totally dreamed about the said man. You were fucked and you knew it.

Previous Chapter || Next Chapter

Hello guys! Sorry for not posting for so long. My assessment exam was going on so it was a bit hard to write anything. Again! Thank you so much for all these support. I really appreciate you all ❤❤❤

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please don't forget to like and reblog. Thank you again. I have also made a masterlist for Insanity seperately. Stay tuned for next chapter. Buiii 💞💞

45 notes · View notes

modern-inheritance · 3 years

Text

Modern Inheritance: Yellow Gerbera (Pt 4 of Torin’s Story)

(A/N: I originally planned for this to be the start of a single ‘chapter’ but to hit all the points I wanted to I realized I would need another part because it got ridiculously long.

Anyway, we get to meet a new friend! And here’s your reminder/confirmation that the ‘I’m not even into women!’ comment Torin makes in a panic in the previous chapter is Torin coming out as gay. Happy pride. Note that Torin was thought up as gay originally probably over a year ago, so this isn’t some pride month ploy. Torin is a gay, anxiety prone mess that needs therapy and friends. And we are doing the best to get him those.)

Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // PART 4 // Part 5 // TBC

~~~

“Enough.”

Torin snapped his gaze back up to the Elven Queen as she stood. He had nearly forgotten she was there, speaking aloud his memories as the world faded around him. Through the corner of his eye he could see that the patch of light that wandered the floor of his cell had shifted considerably. The pale golden pinks of approaching dusk barely kissed the ground.

Queen Islanzadí drew herself up before him, expression unreadable. “Enough. I must meet my war council.” A tension that Torin had been unaware of building suddenly released, and he slumped slightly. So she wasn’t stopping to kill him. That was a good sign. He stood slowly, joints sore, and stepped back further into his cell before pausing.

Unsure if it was the right thing to do, Torin awkwardly shuffled his feet and bowed low. “Y-yes, ma’am.” When he straightened the elf was regarding him with what he thought could be the barest hint of amusement, as well as some mild thoughtfulness.

“One of my people will come to you shortly.” The door to Torin’s cell clicked shut, guided by silent magic. The display made him shiver again. “I cannot confirm your account until tomorrow at the earliest, and cannot trust you to roam free. However, that does not mean that you will remain here in your own filth. You will bathe and be provided with new clothing before we next meet.

“If you cause any disturbance or attempt to flee, you will be killed without hesitation. Am I clear?”

Torin heard himself speak in affirmation, but his mind was reeling as the Queen departed down the ward’s hall.

‘Confirmation.’ So some of the men from the High Security Ward had survived the battle. He wondered if they would be truthful when asked about their former comrade, and the consequences for both if they were not.

Suddenly lightheaded, Torin stumbled to his cot and collapsed on to it. His face pressed against the cool cinderblock, providing some anchor to the world. Every nerve tingled with static, fizzling anxiety and long forgotten hope all clamoring for the top spot in his consciousness. The dulled realization that he had forgotten to ask if the elf he had met back then was alive drifted through his mind with a pang of guilt before it too faded.

It took til the sun had set and the moon had risen to peer over the rim of the world for Torin’s overstimulated brain to wrestle the revelations and relivings of the day down. He shifted in his cot and sat up, back to the wall, as he laid out the processed information in simplified pieces to take them in with an emptied mind.

The elves were fully in control of Gil’ead, not the Empire. The Elven Queen, Islanzadí, had visited him at his cell. She was interested in the fire-eyed elf that had been imprisoned here, and in Torin’s interactions with her. The Queen would come speak to him again, probably tomorrow, and another elf was going to come and take Torin somewhere to bathe and give him a new prison uniform.

The last pieces to the day’s puzzle lingered in the young man’s mind as he tucked the rest of the information away.

Torin was not exactly a prisoner anymore, but was not free either. Not only that, but the question that had stayed with him since his arrest may yet be answered.

‘What happened to the elf after her escape from Gil’ead?’

A knock against the cell door roused Torin from his thoughts. He stood, a bit more than surprised that anyone would be so kind as to knock, and warily approached the barred window. “Y-yes?” His throat was dry from his earlier speech.

An elven woman was outside, peering into the cell with the same curiosity Torin once held as he looked in on the imprisoned elf all that time ago. “Stars watch over you, Torin Aldsson. I am Naela, of House Varan.” Her voice was the pitch and tone of a shallow river gliding over rounded stones, a smooth, rich alto with hints of lilting tones and rolling ripples.

“It is nice to meet you, Naela.”

The young man could not help but feel a small sense of relief as his gaze caught on the woman’s hazel eyes. It was clear, through them, that Naela carried the same power as the other elves Torin had encountered. But there was something different about the way she held it, almost cupped in her hands. There was a softness, almost gentle touch at the edges.

Her eyes were...warm. Like laying in the beams of light that graced the ground on a chill day. Whereas the imprisoned elf’s eyes blazed with an undying fire of ferocity and determination, and Queen Islanzadí’s were the sharp, crisp chill of a winters day, Naela’s eyes were the warm sun of approaching autumn, the last vestiges of warmth and comfort at the edge of the cold seasons ahead.

Torin wondered. If the elf from before were safe, with friends, away from this awful place and free from pain...would her eyes look the same?

With a murmured word and a gentle tug, Naela unlocked and opened the door. “The Queen has assigned me to be your guard.” She stepped aside, offering a clear path into the hall. “If you would follow me, please.”

Torin went to fall in, but stopped at the threshold of his cell. It felt as though iron shackles had snapped around his ankles, pulling tight as he tried to step over the invisible line separating him from the world outside the four little walls. A wave of panic washed through him, ice cold to the point that it made his lungs seize.

What if there were spells set on his cell? What if he couldn’t leave? The world seemed to tremble at the edges, and for an instant he felt his foot moving back, away from the door back to the relative safety of his cell–

Gentle hands on his forearms snapped the world back to an anchored clarity. Naela was in front of him, concern tipping her sharp brows inwards. “You are safe, Aldsson.”

Torin could not stop his shaking. He wanted to believe her, he really did. But how could she know? He had only left his cell with another guard before. What if there were things set in the stones to kill him if he left? Or what if the burns on the imprisoned elf’s feet were a result of an escape attempt? What if–

Naela was speaking, then. But the words were...different. They were not in common tongue, yet deep in the marrow of his bones, the very cells of his nerves, Torin somehow...understood. He did not know what she had said but in that moment he understood her meaning, that there was absolute truth in her words.

“Listen to my voice, Alddson. You are safe. Nothing will harm you here.”

The trembling eased to a manageable level.

“Would you like me to help you?” Torin nodded mutely. Following the pressure that the elf exerted on his arms, unable to resist, the young man took his first steps out of his cell in months.

The hall was the same as it always was. But in that moment, as Torin breathed deeply and tried to get his hammering heart under control, the air felt crisp and clear. The lights felt bright, almost too much so. Beneath his bare feet, the cool concrete felt polished and mirror smooth.

It felt...good. And at the same time, everything almost overwhelmed him.

“Are you back with us, Aldsson?” The young man focused back on the elf that still held his arms. Her concern was evident through the tilt of her head and tightening around her eyes.

A pang of guilt and shame washed through him. This woman had come to let him out of a dank and filthy prison cell, and instead of thanking her and doing the only sane thing and walking out, he had to have her physically drag him through the door like a nervous cat from under a bed.

“Yes.” Torin instinctively flexed his fingers, that telltale itch and tingle forming in his muscles that was only pacified through worrying at his knuckles. “I’m s-sorry. I don’t– I didn’t–”

“Do not be sorry for this.” Naela’s voice was firm, and the combination of that and the soothing pressure as she squeezed his forearms drew Torin’s eyes back to hers. “You are feeling things that are natural for some after such isolation.” She suddenly smiled at him, bright and reassuring. “If it will make this easier for you, I can keep contact with you as we walk. Would you prefer to remain indoors? There is a path that does not lead outside if you are not yet ready.”

A soft blanket of solace settled over Torin’s shoulders. He gave Naela a shaky smile, and nodded. “Thank you. I’d like that.”

With a reassuring pat to his arm, the elf shifted to a position slightly behind his right and settled a hand on his shoulder. Together, the elf and the freed man moved to the stairs.

~~~

Despite Naela’s gentle presence, Torin felt a twinge of unease in his stomach as they passed the door that led to the High Risk Ward’s open-floor showers. Another turn saw the two pass the ward common room and finally stop at the small barracks, where Naela held the door for her charge to enter and beckoned him to the door at the back.

Torin followed obediently, eyes darting to take in the state of his former bunk. Second on the right, lower berth. Like all the other beds it had been stripped, the mattress removed and placed elsewhere. The footlockers were pulled from their places beneath the bunks and sat lined up in front of the empty frames, all cleared of their contents.

With a jolt of sudden homesickness he had not felt since childhood, Torin remembered that the last picture of his family was in his locker when he was arrested. He wondered if it had been thrown away, and made a mental note to try asking Naela if there were any prisoner effects left in the lockup.

“This is to be your room for the time being.” Naela pressed her hand to the door at the end of the barracks, unlocking it with another spell.

Torin blinked. “This is the Captain’s room though....” He followed his guard inside, taking in the space. He had only been inside twice before, and had spent most of the time staring at a particular cracked cinderblock in the wall as the Captain berated him for whatever he had done.

The space was well over half again the size of his cell, but was still quite small. There was only room for a soldier's bed along the far wall, a writing desk beside the door, and a small dresser to the right. At the end of the bed was another door, revealing a tiny bathroom with a toilet, sink and shower.

Naela clasped her hands behind her back, hiding a small grin. “The Queen thought this would be the most convenient accommodation until she could investigate your claims.” She gestured towards the dresser and then the shadowed washroom when Torin turned at her voice. “There are several sets of clothes of various sizes for you to find your proper fit once you have washed.”

For a moment, Torin couldn’t speak through the sudden lump in his throat. He turned back to survey the room and hide the watering of his eyes from the elf, warmth blooming in his chest.

This was the kindness those of his own race had abandoned. The simple right to basic living conditions, to proper hygiene, space to move more than two paces and enough light to see and not feel oppressed by constant gloom. To be suddenly provided with it all, even when he could not leave and was still technically a prisoner….

‘...So the Queen is not as cold as she puts off. At least, not entirely.’

Torin wiped his eyes and breathed deeply before facing Naela again. “Thank you.” Feeling mere words not sincere enough to convey the wealth of emotions now inside him, Torin bowed.

Naela laughed and took the young man by the shoulders to right him. “You don’t need to bow to me, Aldsson!”

The sound of laughter, after so long, made Torin smile. “Are there any restrictions that I should follow while here?”

“Ah. Unfortunately, the washroom door must remain open, but I will turn my back when privacy is needed.” Torin nodded. The decreased privacy was not something he was unfamiliar with. He was living, and often showering, with twelve other men before his arrest. And it was not like the cell he was in previously was the most private of places. “If you find yourself needing anything, do not hesitate to ask. I will remain at the door.”

Still smiling, Torin nodded. It took a locking of his muscles to prevent it from turning into a bow again. With another word of thanks, he hurried to the first shower available to him in months, elation bubbling in his chest.

Yellow Gerbera: Warmth, sunshine, friendliness.

6 notes · View notes

toloveawarlord · 3 years

Text

The Ties that Bind (Ch. 6)

You can find my masterlist in my bio!

Pairing: Rena x Ieyasu

Tagging: @plumpblueberry @shangsty @youreawizardharr @starry-starry-night24 @gay-noodle-clan @thetwinkims

A/N: 12 days of ocmas day 5! Wow it’s been a long time since I wrote Rena. As promised, this chapter is a flashback into their lives before the main story. We’ll be jumping back to the future for the next one, but I think I’ll continue to throw in flashback chapters like this one! A special shout to shangsty for messaging me about this fic. I wouldn’t have continued it if not for your support! I’m sorry it took me so long to get back to it.

“You’re wrapping that wrong.”

“It looks too loose.”

“Can’t you do it the right way?”

Ignoring him only frustrated the young warlord. I tugged the bandage loose from my ankle and threw it through the dungeon bars at him. “If you’re so worried about it, then come in here and do it yourself.”

Ieyasu was silent for moment, but ultimately gave in. “I’ll call for a guard-” He’d sent them away for privacy after learning that I’d been placed here due to non-compliance. He’d barely gotten dressed and arrived with a deep frown.

“No need. It’s unlocked,” I said with a cheeky smile. There wasn’t a lock that I couldn’t pick.

The door creaked as it opened. Ieyasu dropped to one knee, reaching out to swipe my injured ankle up and rest it on his knee. “Why can’t you follow the rules?” His words ones laced with irritation, but his hands were gentle, wrapping the bandage with expert precision.

“I’ve held up my end of our agreement, and yet you still refuse to give me leave to visit my family. I will not be a caged bird, Ieyasu.” It had been months since my arrival at the castle, trading places with a little loved one in order to pay for the crimes committed.

Emerald irises lifted to meet golden ones. “You’re my hostage until the debt has been paid.” He repeated it often as if I’d forget. The young warlord needing to remain strong and unwavering before his men.

I sighed, leaning back against the cool stone wall. “Hostage or not, you made a vow and I expect you to honor it, my lord.” The title only one I used when annoyed with him. We’d been in each other’s company for a year now, and he still didn’t have an ounce of trust in me it seemed. “Am I allowed to leave the dungeon now or do I need to beg for forgiveness first?”

“As if you’d ever beg,” Ieyasu retorted with a roll of his eyes. Satisfied with his work, the warlord rose to his feet. It would be troublesome if I ran, so he took my arm to help me stand before stooping to throw me over his shoulder. “I will drop you if you struggle.”

He planned to carry me all the way to his chambers like this. In front of the entire castle? This surely wouldn’t make the maids and servants dislike me even more. “That’s preferable to this arrangement! I’m perfectly capable of walking.” My ankle hardly injured. The vassal who’d tossed me in here cared little on how I’d landed.

Ieyasu didn’t answer me. From my upside-down vantage point, only a glimpse of features was visible. It must be the blood rushing to my head, otherwise, I’d have sworn there was a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“Fetch my horse.”

“Right away my lord.”

The world was right way round again at last. My dizzy spell lasted only a few moments, but we were at the castle gates. Curious. He’d never let me this close before.

A vassal delivered his horse, sneering at me in the process. “Shall I gather the guard for this excursion?”

“That won’t be necessary. We won’t be gone long.” Ieyasu mounted with ease, offering his hand down to me. The bewilderment on my features must have been a sight as he smirked. “Get on before I change my mind.”

Sat on the saddle in front of him, it was impossible not to feel him. His strong arms trapping me against his broad chest. The horse setting into a canter didn’t help matters. Even with the wind whipping around, my body was oh so hot. It was easy to think of him as this abstract thing when keeping my distance, but whenever we touched, I was reminded how much of a man he was.

Ieyasu didn’t speak as we rode down a familiar path. Deep in the forest there was a house, once abandoned but now occupied by those I called my family. Morning dew still coated the grass as the horse gratefully indulged in a morning meal after the ride.

“Rena!” “It’s Rena!” “Rena’s back!”

A chorus of excited squeals filled the air. The news spread through the home quickly and I’d only made it halfway to the entrance when I was overwhelmed with the kids. An entire year had passed, and it had changed so many of them.

The wet of the grass soaked into my pants as I knelt to allow all the hugs they’d muster. Questions were thrown at me with great speed, and I tried to answer as many as I could. It was so lovely to see them. Tears pricked in my eyes as an ache settled into my chest.

“You bastard!” Joji’s voice cut through the merriment. He stalked out of the house like a man possessed, eyes only for the man he called an enemy. He reached out to grab him only to be met with the tip of a sword.

Ieyasu despised Joji, even though they’d only met briefly in passing, just before Joij was thrown from the castle. If given the opportunity, he wouldn’t hesitate to kill the younger boy.

I herded the young ones inside as Joji’s shouting of profanities and insults to the Lord of our land reached a peak. Ieyasu remained composed but never lowered the sword. This would only end in bloodshed if I didn’t step in. “Joji, that’s enough-”

“I won’t let him take you back. You aren’t leaving us again.” He reached for my arm but retracted his in time to not lose it completely. His eyes narrowed, anger consuming him even more. “Bastard!”

“Rena will return with me, or I’ll kill every last child here.” His voice laced with authority as Ieyasu straightened his back, ready to win this duel.

I couldn’t let this continue. “I said that’s enough, Joji!” I shouted this time, slipping between the two and pushing down Ieyasu’s sword in an ultimately feeble attempt. It only angered both of them further.

The last thing I remember was Joji throwing me to the side and landing on some rocks sticking out of the dirt. My vision blurred and then... nothing.

<< << <<

Sinking down into the scalding water of my bath, I blew bubbles as I exhaled an exhausted breath. I’d gotten quite the earful from the head maid when I’d awoken in my chambers. You shouldn’t burden Lord Ieyasu with your petty problems and Be gracious that Lord Ieyasu treated you and is so merciful. She’d confirmed that he hadn’t followed through with his threat to kill my family, which I was grateful for.

I should go and thank him for today, even though it went horribly sideways.

The door to the room was thrown open and shut with immense force, startling me. Ieyasu had crossed the room and reached into the tub before I’d had a chance to even speak. With a tight grip on my arm, he jerked me up. It was impossible to move as fast as he’d wanted, and I tripped on the edge of the basin and fell onto my ass on the floor.

“Ieyasu-”

“Shut up!” He growled, dropping on top of me, hands gripping my wrists and pinning them beside my head. Emerald irises glimmered with anger as he frowned. “Do you not understand, yet? Do I need to find a more intimate way to make you comprehend that you belong to me?”

Words he hadn’t said in such a long time. Hostage. Captive. Prisoner. He reminded me often that although he’d given me some freedom, I had sold myself to him in order to pay my family’s debt from stealing from the castle.

“I-”

“Don’t. Speak.” He snapped, squeezing his fingers tighter around my wrists as if he would be the shackles himself if he needed to. “Unless I give you permission, you can’t do or have anything. I own you, Rena. And I’ve been far too lenient. My vassals whisper of weakness and bias towards you, and I will not allow that.” His desperate need to gain control of their situation evident in his rambling.

His eyes followed a droplet of water down my neck and through the valley between my breasts. In the year we’d been together, Ieyasu never once considered taking me as a concubine, but I could see his wavering thoughts in the matter. As if that would make him strong in the eyes of his vassals, to conquer me.

But he softened, grip loosening and his head dropped to rest on my bare chest. Velvet blond hair tickling my face. He sighed, silent.

I tugged one hand free without any resistance from him. In my time here, I’d come to learn that he was alone. A powerful warlord surrounded by vassals and servants, but none of them knew him. My fingers laced through his locks briefly until he sat up with a feigned angered expression. “It’s alright.”

Ieyasu tilted his head slightly, perplexed by what I’d said. He’d likely been expecting me to fight, argue, and curse him for saying those things.

“If taking me will make you feel any better, then do it. I understand that today’s incident reflects badly on you, and for that, I’m deeply sorry. If you want to lock me up or reprimand me before your court, I’ll take whatever punishment you see fit without resistance.”

His brows creased. “I don’t understand you at all. You must not comprehend what I could do to you.”

But he was wrong. I did know. He could make me a concubine to the vassals, leave me in the dungeon without food or water, or even execute me. It was all within his power to do so.

I smiled weakly. There was fear. Those prospects would not be painless. I was also embarrassed, completely bare underneath him. It is nothing for him to pin me down and force himself on me, which was also within his power and rights, as I’d vowed to become his in exchange for the freedom of my family.

I also knew that he wouldn’t do those things.

“I won’t go see them again, not until the debt and this one, is paid. My word doesn’t probably mean much, but I’ll promise it, nonetheless. You can do whate-”

He sealed my lips with a heated kiss, pressing his body against mine. His sense seemed to have left him for a brief moment. “One week.” His fingers brushed against my cheek before he climbed to his feet. “One week in the dungeon and I’ll consider forgiving what happened today. If you choose to leave that cell, you’ll be a slave to my vassals. There will be no more chances.”

He’d spoken with such authority; I knew there were soldiers on the other side of the door. It was a declaration to them, not me. He cast one more glance at me, eyes lingering. Perhaps he possessed more than simple desire.

“Yes, my lord.”

#ikemen sengoku #ikesen #ieyasu tokugawa #ieyasu wife #the ties that bind #chapter 6 #i have a story for them now #guess this means I'll be revisiting clever canary and solitary confinemnt #ikemen sengoku fanfiction #12 days of ocmas

12 notes · View notes

girlwithshipsshitshow · 3 years

Text

Part 20

(Eri got off the train walking the ten blocks to Rose’s house, after she parted with the boys she went back to their house got her stuff, (she had an extra extra she wasn’t dumb, but she would give it back to Usagi, he didn’t want her to have it, but she was glad she did today), she then made her way to the train that led Rose’s house. She just gotten a text from her saying she was getting off work in an hour, so Eri was going to surprise her with a simple meal of shrimp fried rice, it wouldn't be much, but it was something. Eri smiled to herself as she unlocked the door, placed her things down and started the meal. She decided to video call the boys to see how their day went.

Misaki: Hey Eri.

Eri: (Squints), Where are ya’ll

Usagi: HI, we’re at a diner

Eri: Why?

Usagi: This is where we were meeting Takahiro, we got into a fight and-

Misaki: Things didn’t end well and we ended up staying here talking about what we want our new house to look like. (he smiled kissing Usagi on the cheek). So what are you up too?

Eri: Cooking shrimp fried rice for Rose and I, she should be home soon.

Usagi: Cool, speaking off home, Misaki and I should get going, we’ve been here for almost two hours, you two have fun.

Misaki: Bye Eri!, say hi to Rose for us!.

(The two hung up and Eri went back to cooking, she was just finishing plating when Rose walked in the door)

Rose: Wow, it smells amazing in here. (She walked over to Eri giving her a small kiss or her cheek). Hi

Eri: Hi, I missed you, how has work been? (She turned around wrapping her arms around Rose’s neck).

Rose: Good, what have you been up too? (she pressed her lips to Eri’s, smiling against her lips).

Eri: Hanging with the boys.

Rose: how are they?

Eri: Okay, there’s some stuff going on, but they can handle it. (smiles), so are you hungry?

Rose: Yeah!,

(the two walk over to the high-top counter, digging into the amazing meal Eri made, talking about the time they spent apart, they missed each other a lot, and were glad to be back in each others presence).

(Manami stood with her finger hovering above the intercom button, Mahiro was running around the lobby, he was excited, he wanted to see his uncle).

Mahiro: Mommy, hurry!

Manami: Mahiro, give me a second honey. (She sighed pressing the button on the intercom, Usagi answered, his laugh dying down).

Usagi: Manami?, what are you doing here?

Manami: Takahiro said some really offensive stuff, can we stay here awhile?

Usagi: Sure, come on up.

(Usagi unlocked the door, Manami stepped back, taking Mahiro’s hand, they were up they elevator and in the penthouse mudroom in no time, Mahiro ran into the house, without taking off his shoes).

Manami: Mahiro! shoes! (she slid her shoes off taking of after him), She smiled when she saw her son in sitting in Usagi’s lap, Misaki holding the young boys hand. He squirmed while Usagi struggled to take off Mahiro’s shoes).

Usagi: Mahiro, stay still, I need to take your shoes off.

Mahiro: I wanna play Unagi!

Usagi: Okay, okay. (He finally got the shoes off), but can you put your shoes in the mudroom first?

Mahiro: ‘kay, (He smiled jumping off Usagi’s lap with his shoes, running into the mudroom, coming back into the living room with his backpack full of toys, dumping them onto the floor, they fell everywhere.) Don’t worry. (He looked at Usagi’s shocked face), I’ll clean up.

Usagi: Okay, thank you.

Mahiro: Welcome. (He picks up a dinosaur, studies it, and begins to draw it).

Manami: (She finally walks over to the boys), Wow Usami, you look like a real dad.

Misaki: (He smiles, rubbing his leg), Yeah, I think he would be a good dad some day.

Usagi: I just want to prove it to you.

Misaki: You have time you know, when we have kids, it’ll be after we get married.

Usagi: WHEN

Misaki: Yeah, (he had tears in his eyes), I think I want to have kids with you.

Usagi: (Grins, He throws his arms around the smaller boy hugging him tightly), I love you.

Misaki: I love you too. (He pulls away, pushing hair out of Usagi’s eyes). You really are amazing.

Usagi: So are you.

Manami: So, I hate interrupt this moment, but I think I should talk about why I’m here, and you aren’t going to like it so much.

(They all looked down at Mahiro, who was still focusing on his drawing of the Dinosaur it looked pretty good for a three and half year old.)

Usagi: Wow Mahiro, you’re a great artist bud.

Mahiro: Thanks.

Manami: Can we go to the kitchen table to talk?

(The boys nodded, and they all made their way to the table, leaving Mahiro focused on his work).

Manami: (She folded her hands together, sitting across from the boys), I do I put this gently? Um, Takahiro doesn’t like you guys together because, He doesn’t like the fact that Misaki is gay.

Usagi: He actually said that?

Manami: Mhmm

Misaki: Okay, (He took Usagi’s hand), We, uh kinda had a feeling, but we weren’t sure.

Usagi: What else did he say?

Manami: That Misaki should be normal.

Misaki: (Clears his throat), Um, I’m going to-uh (he stands up knocking the chair over, making his way over to the balcony, struggling to open the door).

Usagi: (Stands up), Misaki?

Misaki: (opens door), No, I’m fine, I just need air. (steps out onto the balcony, leaning against the brick wall),

Usagi: (Walks out, standing behind him), Misaki.

Misaki: I already knew, (turns around, eyes filled with tears), so why does it hurt so much?

Usagi: Oh, sweetie, (He pulls Misaki to him, running his fingers through his hair), I’m so sorry, (they sunk to ground against the brick wall, Usagi held him in his arms tightly, while the younger boy sobbed in his chest.)

Misaki: What, (sobs), are, (sobs), we, (sobs), we, (sobs), gonna, (sobs), do?

Usagi: We’ll figure it out we always do, I know it’s different this time but. (sighs), it’ll be okay.

Misaki: He (Shudders), hurt me. (sobs), hurt us. (leans back, looks at Usagi), Sorry, um- heh.

Usagi: (Wipes Misaki’s eyes), Why are YOU apologizing, it should be your brother.

Misaki: For crying.

Usagi: You cry all the time. Like when we make love.

Misaki: (Blushes), It’s beautiful, I can’t help it.

Usagi: (Kisses forehead) I know.

Misaki: But, mostly I’m sorry for acting the same way my brother did in the beginning of our relationship. I was experiencing a lot of internalized homophobia, I took it out and you and myself, it took me a while to come to terms with who I really was, and longer to say that I loved you, when I knew I did. I would always used the “oh, we’re both Japanese men” as that was an excuse, because it’s not like that would make my feelings for you go away, and even I said I was raised normal. (He shook his head chuckling), I became fully aware of what I was doing, and admitting to you, and myself that I only want to be with you for the rest of my life, I said that to friends, people we know, your family, my family. I knew my brother would have problem because I was dating you, his best friend, or eh, that you were dating me. His problem his that I’m gay, he needs to deal with that. (He looks up at Usagi), What if he can’t?

Usagi: (sighs, pulls Misaki closer into his lap), We will deal with that, would you cut him out?

Misaki: I think we might have to, if he can’t come to terms with me being gay, uh, m- my own happiness. I really hope he comes around. D-d you think that. he just doesn’t like that I’m gay?

Usagi: I don’t know baby.

Misaki: He had all these ideas for me you know? He wanted me to have a wife, and raise a family, I think that might be what upsets him the most, that I-

Usagi: That you won’t be doing it normally?

Misaki: Ugh, I hate that word, Normal, what does that even mean now? everyone has their own idea of it. We live in a world, we’re everyone should be accepted for who they are.

Usagi: Unfortunately, people aren’t so accepting. But our normal is the two of us getting married, being in love, raising a family. That’s what our idea of being a family is, everyone as their own idea of it, even if people don’t always accept it. I don’t care what someone thinks about us, do you?

Misaki: I used to, but I don’t now, I just want to be happy, and I truly am.

Usagi: (Smiles, kisses Misaki on his head hugging him tightly), I love you so much sweetheart).

Misaki: I love you too.

(Manami put the last of the dishes away, while the boys sat on floor playing with Mahiro, Misaki turned to look at Manami, smiling at her).

Misaki: You didn’t have to do that.

Manami: I know, but I made dinner so I felt like I should do the dishes too.

Misaki: You’re our guest, we should be making diner for you.

Manami: I really don’t mind. (she grinned, making her way over to the living room floor), Mahiro, It’s time to clean up and take a bath.

Mahiro: Okay, (he stuffed his toys into his bag, leaving out his stuffed elephant, then stood up taking his moms hand, as the walked into the bathroom).

Usagi: He’s a good kid.

Misaki: I know. (He stood up stretching, picking up the elephant), I’m going to put this in the guest room.

Usagi: Misaki, (He stood up, taking Misaki’s hand, staring into his eyes, placing his other hand on Misaki’s face he titled his head back softly pressing his lips to his. He pulled away giving a tiny smile), I just love you so much.

Misaki: I love you babe.

Usagi: Hey um, (He ran his hands trough Misaki’s hair).

Misaki: (Laughs), Yeah?

Usagi: I just wanted to run my hands through your hair, it’s really soft.

Misaki: I love when you do it, It relaxes me.

Usagi: (He grinned), I know. Um, you can go take that up now.

Misaki: (Giggles), okay. (he sprints up the room as the phone rings).

Usagi: (Walks over to the landline, picking up the phone), Hello... What do you want?

#junjou romantica #junjouromaticafanfic #Akihiko Usami #usami akihiko #Misaki Takahashi #takahashi misaki #Misaki x Usagi #Usagi x Misaki #Junju romatica

6 notes · View notes

debbielouocean · 4 years

Text

ask for nothing and that’s all you’ll get (this rule does not apply to jen harding) (2/2)

PART 1

jen harding/judy hale (also on ao3)

When Jen first started thinking about Judy like that, she could only keep reminding herself-

“You’re not even gay,” Jen muttered, sinking down further into the bath and deliberately blocking out where she’d just had her hand and who she’d been thinking about. “What the fuck is wrong with you? She’s your best friend.”

And that was pretty much the only thing stopping her. She could hide behind the facade of being straight all she wanted, but she really wasn’t that committed to it. What she was committed to was not hurting Judy, who was her best fucking friend.

The worst part was, she’d promised Judy she would tell her. Judy had looked at her with those puppy dog eyes that barely worked when Henry tried it and she’d folded instantly. She probably would have signed over her car if Judy had asked for it.

Actually, the worst part was that Jen was positive that Judy wouldn’t bring it up again. She’d wait. Patiently. Until Jen was ready to talk about it. Which meant it would hang over them for weeks, awkward and tense, until it bubbled over and threatened to ruin everything. As if it hadn’t already done so.

A knock on the bathroom door interrupted her self-deprecation.

“Jen? We’re gonna be late!”

“I have never been late to one of the kids’ activities and I’m not gonna start tonight, Judy.” It was true. Hard to be late to things you had no intention of going to. But she was pulling herself up out of the tub anyway and grabbing a towel.

Against all odds, it was a Charlie activity tonight. Pastor Wayne had somehow managed to convince him that an extracurricular activity would benefit him and he’d joined some sort of robotics club. The dismissive, off-hand tone he’d used when he’d told Jen about the robot fight club meant that she was absolutely gonna be going to every single robot battle and she’d fucking figure out what all of it meant. She’d even read a book about it if she had to. Because she hadn’t seen Charlie this invested in something that wasn’t a video game in years.

They were going, non negotiable. And it was going to be a nice, normal evening focused on Charlie for fucking once and not on her. She was not going to make tonight about her.

So she waited by the bathroom door, towel wrapped tightly around her, until she could be sure she’d heard Judy leave her bedroom.

-------

An hour and forty-two minutes later, she found herself squished beside Judy in an Applebee’s booth. Charlie’s team had done well, placing second overall and qualifying them for the next competition. So they’d come to his favorite chain restaurant to celebrate. Jen was proud of him; she couldn’t have imagined Charlie from a year ago being this invested in something for school.

“Just think about how cool this is gonna look on your college applications,” Judy said, leaning across the table excitedly. She’d been way into the whole thing, screaming and cheering for Charlie the whole time. Charlie had claimed embarrassment but Jen could tell he loved the attention. “Extracurriculars are super important.”

Jen groaned, picking at the cheese fries in the middle of the table that everyone else had deemed too hot to eat. “Can we stop with all the college talk? I’m not emotionally ready for any of that.”

“Agreed,” Charlie said, overwhelmed by the idea of college. “What’s really important is that I’m pretty sure I can make the toaster shoot fire.”

“If you so much as look at the toaster funny, you’re gonna be grounded until you do go to college,” Jen said, shutting down that idea before her whole kitchen ended up in flames.

Their waiter came back a few minutes later with their food, having hardly given them time to finish the appetizer. Henry chatted excitedly about his new favorite show and Charlie didn’t even give him any shit about it being for babies. Even though it totally, fully was. Overall, Jen was pretty sure it had been a very successful family evening.

And then it was over. And she was tucking Henry in and kissing him goodnight and saying goodnight to Charlie. Reminding him one more time that she was proud of him and that he was making good choices for himself. She could have sworn he even smiled at her before closing his bedroom door.

Judy was waiting for her in the kitchen, a smile of her own seeming to be permanently plastered on her face. She was sitting at the counter, staring out the window and barely seemed to notice Jen walk into the room.

“I’m gonna have to start locking up all the appliances in the house that Charlie deems nonvital,” Jen said, eyeing the espresso machine she’d wasted too much money on.

Judy jumped a bit, clearly having been thinking about something else. But the smile didn’t leave. “Oh, I’m sure he wasn’t being serious. He knows better.”

“The boy got caught selling drugs. I’m not certain he knows anything,” Jen said with a little huff of laughter. It was weird how easy it felt to make jokes about her son, the former drug dealer. He’d really made a lot of progress in a very short amount of time.

“Hey, be nice to him,” Judy said, fighting back a laugh of her own. “He’s doing so good.”

“No, no, you’re right. He’s amazing,” Jen said, pulling herself up onto the bar stool beside her. Judy leaned over, dropping her head onto Jen’s shoulder.

“Thank you for letting me come,” she said softly, her hand landing on Jen’s thigh. Jen let her eyes close, briefly letting herself pretend that everything was wonderful and fine and that Judy’s hand on her thigh didn’t cloud any of her thoughts.

“The boys would have killed you if you hadn’t,” Jen said, eyes still closed. She tilted her own head to the side, letting herself bury her face in Judy’s hair. Which smelled like a whole fucking orange. “And then they would have killed me for not making you come.”

“You will literally never have to make me come to anything,” Judy said. Her hand rubbed little circles on Jen’s leg, somehow both really nice and absolute torture. “You guys are like my family, you know. I love being a part of this.”

Jen sucked in a deep breath, inhaling even more citrus. Judy was going to be the fucking death of her, she was certain of it. “You are family, Jude. There’s nothing ‘like’ about it.”

Opening her eyes, she watched Judy discreetly trying to wipe her eyes.

“Are you crying?” Jen asked in disbelief. They’d almost definitely been over this before. Like ten times at this point. But Jen still wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer, squeezing her tight. “God, you’re such a sap.”

Judy laughed, still a little teary. “You love it, don’t even try to deny it.”

She was right. Jen couldn’t help but smile at the completely over the top emotions Judy had no problem expressing on a near constant basis.

“I must be going soft,” Jen said, “I’m just gonna have to take a golf club to another car to balance things out again.”

“I won’t take the blame for it this time.”

“Which is unfair because this time it would actually be your fault.”

They sat in silence for a few moments, comfortable and content. Jen’s arm around Judy’s shoulders and Judy’s hand on her thigh. Jen couldn’t remember the last time she’d been so happy. And she was only a little bit disgusted with herself.

Only a little bit disgusted with myself, Jen thought, immediately regretting even thinking that when she was hit with immense disgust at herself for the way she was brushing her fingers up Judy’s bare arm. Because there was no fucking way that would be allowed if Judy knew what she’d done with those same fingers in the bathtub that morning while thinking about her.

Jen was sure Judy felt her freeze up. Because the hand that had been drawing circles on her leg froze, too.

“I’m feeling pretty tired-”

“What the hell has been going on with you?” Judy interrupted, pulling out of Jen’s arms and looking her in the eyes. Jen flinched back, drawing her hands up to her own chest. And then immediately dropping them because Jen Harding did not do vulnerable. “One minute you’re fine and we’re good and then it’s like the very next second…”

Judy trailed off, waving her hands a bit like that clarified things. Not that Jen needed anything clarified. She knew exactly what Judy was talking about. And she didn’t even look mad about it. Just… sad.

“Did I… do something?” Judy asked when Jen didn’t respond, her voice smaller than Jen had heard it in a while.

Jen’s eyes went wide, quick to reach out and lay both of her hands back on Judy’s shoulders.

“No, no, honey. I promise, it’s not…” Jen sighed, squeezing her eyes shut and willing herself to get through this god forsaken conversation. She opened them again to make sure Judy was paying attention and knew she was serious. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Judy frowned, but nodded anyway. Jen could practically see the wheels turning in her head, doing the same fucking thing that Jen always did, too. Blaming herself and forcing things to fit together to tell that story regardless of how hard you had to push to make it happen.

And she knew she had to tell her. Because this wasn’t a Judy problem. It was a Jen problem. And it wasn’t fair of her to make Judy think otherwise.

“I think I’m in love with you,” poured out of her mouth way faster than her brain could keep up. Definitely wasn’t how she’d intended to phrase that one. “I.. I am in love with you. Pretty positive about it.”

“Jen-”

“No, just listen for a minute, Jude,” Jen said, trying to be gentle about it and trying her damn hardest not to cry. Because she wasn’t soft. “I know it’s a pretty shit excuse for acting like a cunt but I promise you, I am handling it. Just give me like, two weeks to readjust and we can forget about the whole thing-”

“You’re in love with me?” Judy said, her voice going all soft again. Jen could see the tears starting to well up in her eyes and was not feeling another round of ‘Judy cries and Jen awkwardly holds her while thinking about how nice her hair smells and then feeling guilty about it’.

“I’m handing it. You don’t even really need to worry about it.” Jen wished she felt as confident about that as she hoped she sounded, because ‘handling it’ had not been going well so far.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Judy said, the softness that had been present before quickly replaced with confusion. She didn’t pull away from Jen, though, who still had her hands on her shoulders. “I’m supposed to just forget that you’re in love with me?”

If Jen hadn’t been sure that she’d fucked everything up before, she certainly was now. Because Judy was right. Your best friend being in love with you wasn’t really something you just forgot about.

“Well how else do you propose we handle this situation, then, Judy?” Jen knew she was almost yelling. She knew she was getting angry, but her self control was slipping. And she was more than a little defensive. “What’s the other option?”

“You let me fucking love you, Jen!” Judy yelled right back, letting the tears fall as she said it.

Jen froze again, speechless for the hundredth time since she’d met Judy. Who kept managing to surprise her, somehow. All she could think to do was to stand up, tug Judy closer and press her as tightly as she could against her chest. So she did.

“You really want that?” Jen asked, disbelief coloring her voice. “You know what I’m like, Judy. I’m not an easy person to be with.”

“And you think I am?” Judy asked, still a bit biting. Like she wasn’t going to let her off that easily. Judy was always the first person to defend Jen, even from herself. “Jen, I know you. You’re all intense and beautiful and magnificent. I don’t give a shit about easy.”

“I am maybe a little bit intense,” Jen agreed, threading her fingers through Judy’s hair. She heard her sigh; a tiny sound of relief. Like Judy had been waiting for this conversation to happen, too. Like she’d wanted this, somehow.

“And beautiful and magnificent,” she said. Jen could feel Judy’s fingers digging into her waist, holding her close. “You’re like the sun, Jen. You’re just… everything.”

Jen laughed despite herself, pulling away from Judy for a moment, only to reach up and cup her cheeks. She brushed her thumb over the tear tracks that were barely visible in the dim light of the kitchen. “I feel like I’m always asking you for more, Judy.”

“I like it when you ask me for things,” Judy said. She leaned into Jen’s hand, a soft smile on her face. Jen felt her lips brush against her palm, just barely ghosting over her skin. She was hit with desire; something she’d been pushing down for weeks now and felt like she was finally allowed to feel.

“You never ask me for anything.”

“I usually don’t have to ask. That’s one of your biggest secrets, Jen Harding. You’re generous. You gave me so fucking much and I’ve never once had to ask for any it.” Judy gestured around them with her hand. “You gave me your whole family, Jen. How could I ever possibly ask for anything else?”

Jen knew she was crying. She knew it. But it didn’t really hit home until she felt Judy mirror her own movements, reaching up to wipe her tears away.

“You could ask me for anything and I’d figure out a way to give it to you,” Jen said, knowing it was true. Judy could ask her for the fucking moon and Jen would invest in Space X. She sniffled a bit, trying to pull herself back together before things got really embarrassing. She was already soft, she didn’t need to be weepy, too.

Judy was still looking at her like she was her whole world. And Jen was so certain that Judy had always looked at her like that. God, Jen thought, how the hell was I so self-absorbed that I didn’t see that before?

“So,” Jen said, breaking the silence they’d fallen into, “what, uh, what now?”

She watched Judy ponder the question for a moment, wishing she could hear her thoughts. Judy bit her lower lip, looking every bit like Jen’s wildest dreams. Finally, after what seemed like ages, something seemed to click in Judy’s mind and she smirked at Jen.

“I get to ask you for something,” Judy declared, putting her hands on Jen’s hips. Jen’s brow furrowed in confusion, unsure where she was going with this. Judy leaned in closer, pushing up from the barstool to stand eye level with Jen. “Can I kiss you?”

Jen let out a noise that was somewhere between a laugh and a sigh of relief before she let herself fall forward and close the distance between them. And just like all the rest of her, Judy’s lips were so fucking soft. She felt bold, all of a sudden, confidence kicking back in now that she’d gotten confirmation that she wasn’t alone in her feelings. When Judy hummed into the kiss, Jen decided that soft might be nice, but she could do better. She parted her lips, pulling Judy in closer and letting her tongue trace across her lower lip. Judy quickly gave in, letting Jen take over and just falling into her.

Because Judy was right. Jen really, really was a giver. And Judy wouldn’t even have to ask.

#jen harding #judy hale #jen x judy #dead to me #fic #jen's a Giver lmao #and yes that's Exactly what i meant #you can quote me on it

62 notes · View notes

dammitadolfnomorecake · 3 years

Text

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid prt 158 prt 1

158

Lance’s scan went well. Their twins were doing well, better than Lance felt at any rate. He and Keith had gone shopping. Keith had sprung it on him after the scan results were positive. Confused as to where his boyfriend was taking him, as it clearly wasn’t back to the apartment or Garrison, Lance had started crying when Keith’s surprise became clear. He’d been worrying himself over what had been said in the toilets. Worrying that Keith would work it out, and no longer love him. Neither of them had been “gay” before meeting each other. Lance wasn’t sure what to describe his sexuality as. Men were hot. Women were hot. He could appreciate both, but Keith was a whole next level batting out of his league kind of deal. Keith might be tall, broad, grizzled and sexy as all heck, but he was so much more than that. He was funny. He was smart, funny, coffee addicted, and there wasn’t anything he’d change about his boyfriend.

Heading into the store, Lance knew it took a lot of courage on Keith’s behalf. The store’s car park had been pretty full, large signs in the windows declared some kind of sale. Keith grabbed a shopping cart, anything he liked his boyfriend wanted to buy. Lance felt the exact same way... Even if he was the more practical one of the two. The vampire only had a couple of rules for their shopping trip; practicality came first and they didn’t need super duper fancy when something simple would do the job.

Steered away from the cute onesies, Lance once again was clueless. There was so much to look at, his hands resting on his baby bump, trying to take everything in. That’s when he realised. Keith was leading him to maternity clothes and he could have kissed his boyfriend for it. There was absolutely no way to hide his bump now. The clothes Keith had bought him only just covering the roundness of his stomach. Tears rolled down his face, excited as heck for new clothes that’d fit his changing body. Keith misinterpreting his tears, trying to stutter out asking what was wrong as Lance tried to reassure him they were happy tears.

Though feeling self conscious as he looked at all the flowery and flowing materials, Keith urged him to pick whatever he wanted. He’d always dressed himself somewhat neatly, much preferring the fashion of now to short short and jeans that suffocated his testicles. He couldn’t help but blush hard at putting in a couple of maternity bra’s. He didn’t exactly have breasts, but he didn’t not at the same time. Keith seemed to love them. Especially during sex where he’d hold Lance’s breasts instead of his hips. His boyfriend was definitely more okay with the changes in Lance’s body than Lance was, but that was okay because it meant Keith still accepted him for him and not his body.

The next wave of tears hit hard as they looked at cots. Lance wanted a room the twins could grow in. Some place filled with love and comfort, he was hit with wondering if Krolia wanted the same when she was pregnant with Keith. She’d probably had so many hopes and dreams, without the thought of having to abandon him in the future. Noticing Keith staring down into the crib, he moved to wrap his arms around his boyfriend’s waist. This had to be hard for Keith. To be wondering the same thing. To have spent years thinking his mother didn’t love him. Nuzzling into Keith, Keith turned his face to kiss Lance on the forehead. The gesture soft and sweet, making Lance smile with the amount of love he felt for his boyfriend. He loved Keith, and he loved being with him, but lately he’d found himself really needing time with his Gremlin. Pidge might not be overly maternal, yet she gave him a level of comfort that he longed for. That his sister would come to his house threw things out of whack. Pidge was more of a sister to him than his own sisters.

“You worried about being a daddy?”

Nosing Keith’s cheek, Lance knew he was. Keith had been acting a little strange in the way he was ignoring Krolia. Shiro mentioned Krolia called because Keith wasn’t picking up his phone. Lance left to wonder if it was because he wanted to go back to the house or if Keith had other things on his mind. He wanted to be able to chalk it all down to this planned surprise but that didn’t feel entirely right. The only logical conclusion he had was that Keith was internally panicking over being a daddy all over again

“I don’t know if I can be a good dad. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how to choose a cot... like... what if I choose wrong? What if they die because I chose wrong?”

That was being a tad dramatic

“All of them have to conform to a certain safety standard these days. I was looking online a little and you can get cots that convert to toddler beds”

“That sounds like a smart idea. I’m sorry, this was my idea but I don’t even know where to start”

“We start with the basics. Shit, shower and sleep. So, cots, a baby bath, and I don’t think we really need a change table”

Keith snorted with laughter

“I don’t think you have to be so blunt”

“I’m just saying, they’re like the real basics we need”

“We haven’t even picked a theme or a colour for the nursery”

“Maybe we can choose it together based on the furniture? The only thing I was going to keep in there was the chest of drawers”

That made sense, right? Like repainting a wall to highlight a certain picture... Then again, decoration wasn’t Keith’s strong point. Red on black, with more black was how his boyfriend rolled

“But... like... bedding? How do we pick bedding?”

As long as it wasn’t black, Lance wasn’t fussy

“That’s easy. If it’s soft and nice it comes home with us”

“I don’t think it works that way”

“It does now. You’re going to be the greatest daddy to our twins. I know you don’t believe it, but I firmly do”

“I feel... out of my depth”

If only Keith could peek inside his mind and see how unalone he was with those thoughts. Keith was blissfully ignorant to his internal struggles with his boyfriend being labeled by an idiot. Shiro had been right. Each time he’d started to feel shitty about Keith being slandered, all he had to do was think about everything good inside Keith and how that idiot had no clue about his boyfriend

“So do I. I had a bit of practice growing up, before Luis became a dick. We’ll work everything out together”

And they did. Keith found a convertible bed he like while Lance found a change table he absolutely loved. There were drawers. Drawers and an inbuilt bin. The second he saw it he knew it was a game changer. Fluttering his eyelashes at his boyfriend, Keith snatched up to of the paper slips for the cots before jogging over to him. Lance hadn’t meant to wander away. The change table completely to blame as it lured him over.

Looking the piece of furniture up and down, Keith frowned at him

“I thought you didn’t want a change table”

That frown wasn’t bring down Lance’s excitement. If anything he was more determined to show Keith how fucking cool it was

“I didn’t know I needed a change table. Look at this beast! Look at it. There’s drawers. Drawers! They didn’t have this stuff when I was growing up and it has a bin!”

“What do we need a bin for?”

“Nappies, obviously! And wipes... Babe, I don’t think I’ve ever fallen in love with a piece of furniture so fast, and it’s white so it matches the beds”

Only in colour. The style was more curved, but with the right accessories it’d blend right in. Plus, he needed it. He needed it more than he needed blood. Every molecule of his being seemed to be vibrating with excitement over how much of game changer this really was. He loved his old drawer, but this... It was more a case of “Drawers? What drawers?”

Keith sighed at him in an overly exaggerated way, he was winning. Keith was caving

“If that’s what you want...”

Lance nearly squealed, yet as much as he wanted it... needed it, he wasn’t going to disregard Keith’s opinion

“Only if it’s what you want”

“They said online something about “Push Presents”. Do you want a push present?”

Lance knew he’d done plenty of research, and he knew Keith was the same, yet it still thrilled him Keith was researching all things baby. He didn’t really need a push present. Their twins were enough. Them alive and breathing, that was it

“I don’t need a push present, but I think I need this change table. No. I know we need this... I mean, look how practical it is! Babe, look at it!”

Keith laughed softly, Lance stepping back so his boyfriend could inspect the change table as he gestured wildly towards it. Keith’s eyes widening at the amount of space in the drawers as he checked the depth of the top two

“Seeeeeee. Think of all the supplies we could fit in there”

“We have to buy the supplies first”

Pffft. At this stage Lance was happy enough to buy it simply to look at it

“Good thing we’re at a baby super store...”

Keith tried to hide his smile, coughing to clear his throat, before giving up with a shake of his

“Alright. We’re doing it. Cross change table off the list. We’re getting one of these bad boys... Holy heck, the bin bit has a latch. Kosmo’s going to have a hard time getting past that”

Keith was hooked! Lance knew it! That squeal escaping out his nose, Keith raising an eyebrow at the weird sound. Pfft. Keith already knew he was dating a weirdo, a very excited weirdo

“I know! Whoever designed this needs a medal. So if we get this, then the bedding, and the supplies we need most when I pop, that’s like almost everything”

If he popped tomorrow they’d be basically prepared. Not that he intended to. He wanted these two to bake as a long as they could

“What else do you want to get?”

“A rug, and a bookcase... oh, and a chair. I definitely want a chair in there for nursing”

For nursing and “sleeping” in on sleepless nights. In his mind he could see Keith sitting in the chair, reading their twins their bedtime stories, or holding one of their twins for a bottle feed

“That sounds smart. Okay. Done. Where do we buy a chair from?”

Lance smiled at his boyfriend as Keith looked over the display of cots and bedding. With how large the store was, he wouldn’t be surprised if they did have rugs, bookcases and chairs, probably with a high price tag...

“From a furniture store. They’re not hugely necessary items, and we’re not going to have room in the back of the my baby once we get the boxes for the cots and the change table”

“Do you think they’ll deliver?”

The cots, or the chair? Either way, Garrison was outside of almost every free delivery zone. He knew from experience, but happy to spend the money if he really needed to

“If you want to pay a $250 delivery fee”

“Fuck that. I could probably ask Hunk if we can use his dad’s Ute”

Lance loved Hunk’s dad. He was as easy going as Hunk, but he didn’t want to ask for a favour without being there in person

“Or we could save it for the next time we’re in Platt, it’s only two weeks, and by then we should have an idea of colours to match with”

“That’s like super smart. Okay, so we need bedding next?”

“Mattresses too...”

“They don’t come with a mattress?”

“Some do, some don’t. I want to try and find one with a removable cover”

“They have removable covers?”

Keith seemed extremely shocked by this. Lance could only hang his head. It was like the first time Keith discovered the waterproof mattress protector on their bed. He’d been so confused until Lance had gently pointed out wet spots happened and he’d rather them not happen to his mattress. That and when Blue brought him presents he didn’t want squashed entrails on his mattress either.

Kissing Keith’s cheek, Lance then nodded

“Yep. Trust me, you’ll thank me the first time you have to clean shart sheets”

“Our twins are going to be perfect”

“Babies poop, babe. Fact of life”

“But they’re only small”

Boy was Keith in for a surprise. Good thing Lance hadn’t mentioned projectile vomiting and sometimes stuff came out both ends at once

“And sometimes they make a huge mess. I’ll save the first one just for you”

Wrinkling his nose, Keith looked as if the spell of excitement over their twins had been broken

“You don’t have to”

“Nope. You insisted”

“Well don’t let me do it again”

“I make no promises”

Garrison. Keith was grateful to be home again. Lance had been texting on the drive home, Keith finding out who when Hunk and Pidge had been waiting for them at the house. Volunteering Hunk to help unload, Lance was whisked away by Pidge. Keith somewhat glad Lance hadn’t insisted on helping with the heavy lifting. His boyfriend had loudly proclaimed he was beached this morning, while laying on his back with his belly out. The scan might have gone well, but Coran had done a lot of “ahhing” and “ohhhhing” and telling Lance to get plenty of rest, while not explaining anything to the pair of them. Though Keith had planned to take Lance shopping, he’d upped the schedule to distract his boyfriend from whatever Coran could possibly mean.

Opening up the back of the Bronco, Hunk’s eyes widened at the game of Tetris Keith had played in the back to fit everything in. Each cot had two boxes, the change table had three, then there were two mattresses, three tins of paint, a fly screen door Keith had no idea what for, plus the baby clothes, bedding, Lance’s clothes, the small amount of shopping they’d done for home, as well as nappies and wipes. Both of them had spent a fair chunk today, without buying the chair, bookcase, or rug Lance wanted for the room. Keith understood how Hunk was speechless, the hunter also somewhat speechless at the pile of shopping to be brought in and sorted.

Explaining the pile, Keith pointed as he talked

“The big boxes are for the nursery and the bags need to go to into the living room. Lance wants to wash everything before he puts things away. If it’s food, well, you know...”

Hunk cutting him off as he eyed the very top of the pile

“Is that a door?”

Yep. The stupid thing kept sliding forward to smack him in the back of the head every damn time he braked. Lance wouldn’t explain, saying it’d become obvious if he was patient

“Lance wanted it. He got distracted at the hardware store”

“I’m not going to ask...”

“You know he probably heard you ask”

Hunk groaned

“That’s not fair, man. And how dare you guys decide you’re staying in Platt without telling us about your date”

Lance had mentioned in passing that he missed his Gremlin. Unloading the bronco would leave Pidge and Lance to have some sibling time together. Keith knew he’d been thinking a lot about Lance’s sister showing up, which meant Lance had to be thinking about it at least twice as much

“I bet that’s what Lance is telling Pidge all about. Seeing you haven’t been to Platt, Lance brought home papers for Shay to sign. Basically the usual “she’s not going to tell anyone he’s pregnant””

“That’s usual?”

Okay, maybe not the usual... Lance said he’d sit down with Shay and explain things, and that the conversation was well over due. Hunk had dropped it on them so semi casually that old Keith would have flipped

“Nope. If you want to grab that top box, I’ll grab the one next to it”

Hunk looked the pile of shopping up and down

“That door’s gotta come out first. Did you guys just buy everything?”

“Not quite everything. Lance did get caught up looking at kitchen sinks”

Hunk didn’t laugh. Keith secretly quite proud of the joke. Lance would have laughed. He would have teased him about about understanding universal jokes better than he had when they met. Maybe even made a joke about “Who needs a kitchen sink when I can tap you?”. He missed Lance.

Talking as they unloaded, Keith found out he’d missed nothing much happening at the garage, other than Hunk’s dad looking for him when he hadn’t come in. Spending time with Hunk was pretty cool. Hunk knew enough to be a hell of a mechanic if he’d wanted to, so it’d been easy to discuss bike specs with him over Keith’s baby. The new exhaust pipe he’d ordered hadn’t arrived yet, the shipment delayed, but from the way Hunk filled him in he could tell the big guy had missed having him around. It was nice to feel missed, even if it twinged at him that Matt had gotten the job he’d hoped to apply for. Lance was right, he was made for being hands on.

There was a certain feeling of accomplishment that came with fixing each part of his bike up. According to Coran’s schedule he’d be starting back as a hunter in March. Coran hoped to have everything in place for summoning the demon out of Curtis by then, then he’d be a trio with Shiro and Curtis, instead of simply partners with his brother. Lance had asked Coran about what went into summoning out a demon, and Keith promptly became lost when it came to things that needed to be brewed.

He’d tried to pay attention for Shiro’s sake since it was his future brother-in-law’s life at stake, yet Lance seemed to have a better grip on how it’d all go down. He’d meant to ask Shiro and Curtis to come stay a few days before the summoning, yet forgot thanks to “baby brain”. The store had been pretty intimidating. As was the three missed calls from Krolia on his phone. Keith knew he couldn’t keep ignoring Krolia, but Krolia seemed to think he wanted to rush into proposing to Lance, leaving him agitated that she was meddling again.

Speaking of proposing, he’d also had a kind of crazy idea. Miriam’s rings were where they should be, but part of him wished he’d had them for when the time felt right to propose to his boyfriend. While Lance had slept, Keith had worked. He’d found every photo he had of Miriam, cropping things down until he had a clear mental picture of how her ring had been designed. His intention now was to save back up and find a jeweller in Platt able to recreate Miriam’s wedding ring, with his own tiny twist in it. Instead of three diamonds, he wanted 5 stones. 2 amethysts and two sapphires, with a diamond in the middle. Lance would realise the significance the moment he saw the ring. Or, at least, that was Keith’s hope. Never had anyone managed to reassure him about the unique colouration of his eyes like Lance did. Amethyst the closest stone he was probably going to be able to get, while he hoped he’d be able to find sapphires close to Lance’s own eye colour.

“Earth to Keith, you in there, Bud?”

Wiping the sweat from his brow, Keith nodded as he straightened up. Having Hunk cut down on the number of trips up and down the stairs, but damn if he didn’t feel weaker than he had been

“Sorry, I was off thinking about the future”

“Was it interesting?”

“Mildly. What’s up?”

“I asked if I should just leave the bag of nappies up here? I grabbed them with the second mattress”

“Oh, yeah. That’d be awesome. You’ve got to see the change table when it’s set up. Lance is love with it. This thing is awesome”

Hunk chuckled at him

“I thought Lance was adamant about not having one. He told me he didn’t want one when we asked”

All their friends had asked what they wanted or needed. Being their firstborns, Keith and Lance both wanted to prove that they could support their growing family without the need of gifting. Keith particularly felt the need to overcompensate as he’d never had any real family experience until Shiro

“He didn’t until today. You should have seen the look on his face. He seemed ready to commit murder if he didn’t get the change table”

“I’m sure he wasn’t that bad”

Maybe not, but I’d been love at first sight for his boyfriend. Lance thinking he’d been turning on the charm to sway Keith, the joke on his boyfriend as Keith was very readily swayed by his lover

“He would have carried the one from the store home if he had to”

Hunk laughed openly as they both imagined that. Lance really would have. He’d probably even say it wasn’t at all heavy

“Is it bad I can see that? That’s bad, isn’t it?”

Keith snorted, smile wide

“Not really. Lance can be very determined”

“Man, don’t even go there. He’s almost as stubborn as you are about not letting us know about this date of yours. I know you took photos. Lance said there were photos”

“Only on my phone. We’re lucky half the zoo didn’t come home with us. Did you know he has no problem with snakes? He’s jus like “Yep, that’s a bit snake. I’m gonna touch it””

“I don’t need to know what you two get up to in private”

Keith was stunned. Slack jaw stunned. Their little Hunk was going there

“Oh man, don’t tell me I broke you”

“I’m not broken. Lance is going to lecture me about corrupting you with all the time we’ve spent together lately”

“You’ll have to talk to Shay about that one. No offence, dude, but she’s the one”

“None taken. If this is everything, we can collapse now, right?”

“Sounds good to me. I’ve got some ice tea in the fridge”

Keith hadn’t been an “ice tea person” until he’d met Lance. Lance barely made ice tea, but Hunk... Hunk was their culinary god. Not that he’d tell Lance. Lance’s cooking was so amazing he was sure he was getting fat. Fat and lazy... He liked being mostly a home husband without the whole constantly fearing for his life. He liked having good people to come back to, no matter how far he want, they always welcomed him back

“Hunk, you are a god... You know this right? I don’t know how I can thank you for everything. We keep up and leaving... but... you guys...”

“Aw, man! Bring it in!”

Hugging Hunk, they both wrinkled their noses at how sweaty they were from lugging everything upstairs

“Dude, we need showers”

That they did. A cold shower would be just the thing to wash away the heat in Keith’s cheeks. He and Hunk had hugged before, but this hug had him feeling a little self conscious. The day had been long, shopping wiped him out much more than than thinking about his dwindling bank account

“You can go first. I should check on Lance”

“I don’t mind if I do. The tea’s in the fridge, all you have to do is pour”

“Thanks... and thanks for helping. Lance probably could have done it all in one trip”

“I don’t know. I think even he might have struggled trying to carry everything”

“Well... maybe. He would have tried though”

“This is true. Okay, I’m gonna hit the shower. Don’t forget the tea”

“As if I could”

Being polite Keith grabbed out the serving tray, glasses, and pitcher of tea before carrying them to the living room. Lance was snoring his head off, laying with his head in Pidge’s lap, Pidge shooting him a worried look

“Keith... I think I broke him. He started crying then fell asleep”

Okay. Lance crying wasn’t that unusual. Keith was still learning that tears didn’t mean sadness. Sometimes they just seemed to happen. Lance had cried on the way home because he’d bitten a hole in the straw of his drink... Still, the tray shook slightly in his hands, Keith forcing himself not to rush to put it down on the coffee table and spill everything as he did.

Spilling the tea slightly, the hunter forced down a breath. Pidge was still staring up at him, her hand on Lance’s hair

“I didn’t mean to make him cry. We were talking and he started crying and I didn’t mean to...”

Keith hoped he hadn’t been making a judgemental expression. Pidge adored Lance, she’d never intentionally make Lance cry

“It’s hormones mostly. Should I be worried about what you were talking about?”

“He asked if his sister had been back, then told me how much he’d missed, started crying and fell asleep...”

“Ah...”

Keith mentally groaned. He was terrible at this “comforting people thing” when it wasn’t Lance

“I didn’t mean to”

“It’s not your fault. We’ve had a pretty long day, and this is Lance, he cried a lot even before he fell pregnant”

Pidge snorted before sobering. Keith tried not feel possessive watching Pidge stroke Lance’s hair

“Yeah... I just... didn’t mean to upset him”

“I doubt it was you. Some stuff happened in Platt... Some wanker hurt him for bumping into him and he realised a few things. Trust me when I say it’s really not thanks to anything you’ve done”

“Thanks, Keith. I love him, you know. And did you just say someone hurt him?!”

Lance whined in his sleep, Pidge clamping her free hand over her mouth as they both watched. When it became clear Lance wasn’t about to wake, she slowly moved her hand down, whisper yelling

“Someone hurt him?! What the hell happened?”

“He had a bit of a panic attack, and the guy didn’t appreciate Lance stumbling into him. He’s okay now, but... Actually, I have something to ask you”

Keith was still on the fence about returning to the house. Lance wanted to go. Keith didn’t want to go. He didn’t want Lance committing that place to memory and his nightmares getting worse

“Oh? Actually, I’ve got something to tell you. Lance fell asleep before I could talk to him about it... well, two somethings... You go first”

Pidge had something to tell him? Why did he get the feel he wasn’t going to be happy? She was smiling, but he knew how sharp her teeth could be behind that smile

“You’ve known Lance longer than I have, and I don’t want to fuck this up”

#once bitten twice stupid #oncebittentwicestupid #ashratherose

7 notes · View notes

hamiltalian-creates · 4 years

Text

Wine Mom Dadceit, Pt 7

Summary: Virgil tries opening up just a little and it doesn’t go badly. Until someone else lets his secrets slip.

Pairings: Virgil x Remy, Queerplatonic Patton x Logan, Co Parents Janus x Patton

Words: 2,370

Warnings: None

Virgil blushed and thought over his options for a minute. How bad could it be? It wasn’t like he had to tell him how he really felt about Remy, he knew that having a friend was a pretty rare event for himself, his popstar would believe that he was just happy to have a friend. “Yeah... Yeah, he’s new and he started talking to me for some reason, but he’s pretty cool. I guess we just happen to get along well.”

Patton smiled. “That’s good to hear. I hope your friendship goes well.”

Virgil shrugged. “I mean, we just met, so I don’t want to be too hopeful or anything.”

“I don’t know... I think a little hope is good at least once in a while.”

“Maybe..” Virgil may not have been betrayed by a friend before, but he had been kind of an outcast most of the time, which he imagined felt the same when it did bother him.

“And if he does hurt your feelings, I’ll bet Remus will beat him up for you.”

In all honesty, Virgil was not completely sure about that. Their only interaction may have been Remy giving Remus some rainbow band-aids, but it seemed like that made him one of the best people ever in his book. “Yeah, he’ll definitely try,” he said jokingly before looking at his phone.

[Remy: Did I really just go to the park only to not find you anywhere? Fake friend]

[Virgil: We never agreed to go to the park, but okay]

[Remy: If a bitch wants to enjoy his not-grounded life in the park with his best friend, then said best friend legally has to read his mind and meet him in the park]

[Virgil: Sorry, never had a friend before :/]

[Remy: Omg, you are so dramatic! I’m kidding, I love you too much to make you do something that stupid :*] [Remy: Seriously, tho, I wish you were here instead of just my brother and his friend]

[Virgil: “Friend”?]

[Remy: Just his friend, trust me]

[Virgil: Boring lol]

[Remy: Eh, living with no romantic or sexual tension sounds like a blessing actually] [Remy: Boring, but a blessing]

[Virgil: Fair enough]

[Remy: Well, since you couldn’t be bothered to be here, what are you doing?]

[Virgil: Popstar’s painting my nails, I’m letting them dry so I can do his]

[Remy: I stg if you ruin your nails for me, Ill never forgive you]

[Virgil: I’m a professional at scrolling with wet nails, typing isn’t much different]

[Remy: -_-]

[Virgil: My nails are fine, worry about your starbucks and sunlight]

[Remy: I will, enjoy your fatherly affection]

[Virgil: I will] Virgil put down his phone and blew on his nails a bit more before dubbing his hands as safe to use. The next fifteen minutes of quiet father son time felt like it almost went by too fast and Virgil was kind of disappointed when it was over. Solution? He picked up the dark blue nail polish to paint polka dots onto his dad’s nails.

“Had a creative spark?” Patton asked.

Virgil nodded. “Something like that, yeah.”

Patton seemed to understand Virgil’s actual motivation, but he didn’t really want to say anything and put Virgil on the spot. Instead, he enjoyed the warm feeling in his heart and watched as his son added the dark blue dots to his painted nails.

Once he was done, Virgil gave a final nod of approval before putting up the nail polish. “And now it should be, like, an hour until they’re completely dry.”

“Okay, that shouldn’t be too bad. Maybe I’ll figure out how to use my phone to keep myself entertained like you,” he suggested, jokingly, though oddly proudly.

Virgil smiled at that. “I don’t know.. It’s pretty advanced stuff.”

Patton laughed. “I don’t doubt that, I know you and your father have had plenty of practice functioning with wet nails. He’s probably giving himself a manicure now.”

Patton wasn’t wrong, just a couple of hours early. After the last weekend, Janus really needed an extra long bath and a little bit of time to sober up before he could be trusted to do his own nails.

“Whatever he’s doing, it’s probably being done in the most extra way possible.”

“Yeah.. He can be over the top with self care, but it helps him relax,” Patton shrugged.

Virgil nodded. “That’s true..”

The two of them spent a few more minutes together, filling the silence with a bit of small talk before Patton left to make lunch, taking Virgil’s advice of putting his wet nails in ice water before he did.

Of course Virgil knew that trick, he just wanted an excuse to spend more time with his dad without being too sentimental.

Once his nails were dry, Patton got to work making lunch, where he was interrupted halfway through by Roman.

“Pat Pat, can I get a cookie?”

Roman really knew how to use his adorable appeal to get to Patton’s heart. That nickname almost always got to him. “I don’t think so, buddy.. I’m almost done with lunch, you’ll get to eat in a little bit.”

Roman pouted and gave Patton the best puppy dog eyes he could. “Please?”

“Aww...” He looked around to make sure Logan wasn’t there and quickly grabbed a cookie from the jar, giving it to Roman. “Don’t tell your dad.”

Roman smiled and ran off with his prize.

“I saw that.”

Patton jumped a bit as he heard Logan’s voice, turning around and smiling sheepishly as he saw him watching.

Logan shook his head and smiled as he walked over and wrapped his arms around Patton’s waist. “You’ve gotten good at refusing cookies. You’re in a very good mood.”

“Yep!” Patton admitted with a wide smile. “I was talking to Virgil and I got him to tell me about this new Remy guy that he knows.”

Logan was pleasantly surprised by that. “He told you about him?”

Patton tutted and whined a bit. “You already knew?!”

“Well... Yeah, but I didn’t hear about it on purpose, I promise. Janus and I were talking and Virgil heard us out of context and got really defensive. He’s pretty embarrassed about his crush,” he chuckled.

“What crush?”

Oh, Virgil was not going to like this.

Now it was Logan’s turn to act like an awkward teenager. “Did I say crush?”

Patton nodded. “Yeah, I very clearly heard you say he had a crush.. He didn’t tell me he liked Remy like that, no wonder he was acting so weird about it...”

“I kind of swore I wouldn’t tell you...” Logan admitted. “I feel bad, he was really embarrassed about me knowing..”

“Oh..” It kind of stung, but Patton could understand Virgil wanting to keep something like that to himself for a while. “Okay.. I won’t tell him that I know. That’s that.”

“Thank you..” Logan sighed and kissed his cheek. “I’m sorry..”

“Don’t apologize, it’s normal for a teenager to be a little secretive, I can respect that.” It would be the second big thing that he’d promise to keep to himself about, the first thing being the fact that Remy was Virgil’s friend, but that only made it that more important for Patton to keep it secret. So, he did. Patton made sure not to let anybody else know about Virgil’s crush or, rather, that he knew about Virgil’s crush.

Roman, however, made no such promise as he stood hidden around the corner.

Of course, he didn’t do anything at lunch or dinner, where Remus would be armed with forks. Instead, he waited until after breakfast the next morning, giving himself plenty of time to think about how he’d confront Virgil about it.

“Why didn’t you tell me about your boyfriend?” Roman asked as he stepped into Virgil’s room. “Is he a weirdo like you?”

Virgil was too horrified to be offended. “What are you talking about?”

He shrugged. “I heard my dad accidentally tell your dad about how you like a boy.”

Virgil jumped out of bed and marched on down to the living room, finding his popstar sitting on the couch with Logan. “Why is Roman asking me about a ‘boyfriend’ that he overheard you guys talking about?” he asked, using air quotes around ‘boyfriend’.

Patton and Logan looked at each other in disbelief before looking back at Virgil.

“I didn’t know he was still there,” Logan admitted. “I’m sorry..”

Virgil sighed dramatically and turned to leave. “I’m not talking about it to anyone.” He saw Roman watching him. “That includes you.”

Roman pouted. “Dang it... Fine, I’ll bother you about something else.”

“No you won’t,” Logan said. “You’re going to ease up on him.”

Roman groaned and turned to leave. “I can’t do anything in this house!” he said overdramatically as he walked away.

Virgil waited until he was sure he was gone before turning back to the two adults. “Can we not make a big deal out of this? I don’t really want to make this a big deal..”

“I just want to ask a couple of things, I promise,” Patton said with a hopeful smile. “You can stop me when you want, but this is kind of a big deal.”

Virgil thought it over for a second before nodding. “Alright..”

“Yay!” Patton jumped up and held his hand out for Virgil’s. “Come on, we can gossip up in my room.”

“That’s not necessary,” Logan said, closing his book. “You know how Roman likes to eavesdrop, I’ll go distract him and Remus with a movie.” He got up and kissed Patton’s cheek before walking out.

Patton smiled and looked at Virgil. “So?..”

“Alright..” Virgil smiled and sat down with him, telling him a few things about Remy. He told him about how was probably the most chill person ever and how they met when Remy saved him from a rogue basketball, which Patton thought was the bravest thing in the world, seeing as he was the one who gave Virgil the “bad at sports” gene. He kept as many details as he could to himself, like how cool it was to see Remy go from 0-100 when someone tried to pick on him or Virgil or how much of a flirt Remy was. The last thing he wanted to do was turn into a stuttering gay mess on purpose.

“He sounds like a really cool guy..” Patton said once Virgil was done talking. “I’d love to meet him once you two start going out.”

Virgil shrugged a bit. “Maybe.. I don’t want to make it a big thing.” He didn’t want his popstar to see how embarrassingly gay he became whenever Remy was around. At least, not yet. “Besides, I don’t even know for sure that he likes me, he could just see me as a friend.” Which Virgil knew was a lie, Remy made it very well known that he was ready to go out with Virgil at any time.

“Aw..” Patton smiled, believing him. “Well, if you two do go out, I would love to meet him. Or, even if you stay just friends, that’s totally acceptable and I’d still love to meet him.”

“I’ll talk to him about it,” Virgil assured, unsure of whether or not that was a lie.

Patton let him run back up to his room and smiled to himself, feeling successful. Now, the only thing left was to talk to Janus about this. He immediately grabbed his phone and called him, seeing as this was, in fact, an emergency.

“Hello?” Janus answered after a few rings.

“I know you know about this Remy kid. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“... Patton, this doesn’t classify as an emergency.”

“I think this is a serious emergency,” Patton said, though his tone was too giddy to back up his point. “Our baby boy has a crush and you didn’t tell me about it!”

“Virgil was really embarrassed about it. He barely told me anything and you know how rare that is.”

“Alright, fair..” Patton sighed and crossed his legs. “But I did feel like the two of us really bonded this weekend. I mean, we painted our nails together and he didn’t argue that much when I asked him to tell me a bit about Remy. He didn’t say much, but it was better than him refusing to say anything..”

That was true. Virgil was pretty open with Janus, but with Patton? He was always worried about him trying to pry out more information. “And that’s really good to hear. See? Doesn’t it feel better to not force the information out of him? I know you want to know about him, but he’s a really shy teenager.”

“I know.. I just hate that we’re growing apart..”

“Patton,” Janus sighed, pausing to take a sip of wine. “Look, in all honesty, Virgil still loves you. Being a little shy and secretive is not going to change the fact that you’re his father and he loves you, okay? He just needs a little space sometimes.”

“I know..” Janus reminded him of that all the time. “Thank you.”

“Of course. Is that all that you needed?”

“Oh! There’s one more thing. Are you sure that Remy’s good enough for our little boy?”

“Oh, come on, Patton, we’re his parents. Nobody’s ever going to be good enough for Virgil.” Or Remus, but Janus liked to tell himself that it'd be years before Remus had his first crush.

Yeah, that was true.

“But he does seem like a good kid and Virgil really likes him, so the least we can do is give him a chance.”

“Right... Okay. Thanks, Janus. I’ll see you tonight.”

“Of course.” He sighed and put his phone down as he heard Patton hang up. That was absolutely not an emergency, but he could let it slide this time. After all, he wasn’t so graceful about this entire situation either, as much as he pretended to be on the outside. His son had a crush and that crush obviously liked him back. That meant he basically had a boyfriend, an actual boyfriend. And a boyfriend meant that Virgil was growing up, which was definitely not okay with him.

13 notes · View notes

sanderssideswriting · 4 years

Text

Youtuber Life Chapter 4

Ships: familial sleepxiety and eventual Prinxiety

Words:???

triggers: attempted suicide mention

first last next

Summary: Remy Sanders is a famous beauty vlogger and just moved to LA with his teenage son Virgil after their location was leaked by fans. Remy AKA CoffeeAddiction has several million subscribers. Virgil also has a secret Drama channel, where he doesn’t show his face and uses a voice modifier. He just hit a million subs and grows more everyday because of the level of production his videos have, the mystery around who he is and the fact that he ALWAYS has the latest information regarding youtube drama.

“Welcome back to another episode of “the fuck did she say now? I have a DID drama update. I’ve been waiting awhile to gather information to do a long segment. Since she first came out about having DID which has been disproven time and time again she’s tried to make it more believable in the stupidest way possible. By reviewing Chick-Fil-A’s spicy chicken sandwich, five fucking times. I watched all those videos plus others to see if she’s trying to keep up the lie. She’s really not. I swear every time I have to give her my views to tell you all what’s going on I die a little inside.”

“Who are you talking about?”

“DAD! Read the fucking sign! I’m recording!”

“Are you talking about Trisha?”

“Yes dad, now let me tell them about her.”

“She’s a total bitch! I fucking hate her!”

“WE KNOW! Damn it, now I’m going to have to edit all this out.”

“I’ve been looking into DID. And it’s actually a very interesting topic, and I encourage everyone to learn more about it. There will be links to videos and article on DID in the description. DisociaDID has not been on social media very much since all of this. I know they attempted suicide. Not because of Trisha or atleast only partly. Nin the systems host was dating someone in another system called Team Piñata who was discovered to be doing some shit I will not mention because it’ll get demonetized. I actually feel really bad for they system, it seems like they have been going through a lot recently. Now for all the OTHER shit Trisha has said and done over the past few weeks.”

Virgil edited the video and posted it, making sure to edit out the bit where his dad interrupted him and called Trisha a bitch.

Roman texted him.

Roman: You’re a meme Virgil: I’m well aware, fucking Jake Paul Roman: I thought you hated the guy, why are you fucking him? Virgil: I’m so fucking done with you

“VIRGIL!”

Virgil rolled his eyes “What?”

“I have in idea for a video get your ass down here!”

Remy was in front of the camera “K, so what if I mixed all of my eyeshadow together into one?”

“First of all Cristine did that with nail powder and polish and Safiya did that already in one of her weird make up science videos. Second, scraping the eyeshadow would kill you to watch.”

“UGH! You’re right, what else could I do?”

“A Bob Ross painting on your face. you could use only drug store products for something,”

“Bob Ross painting with drugstore shit!”

Virgil shrugged “yeah sure, you could also get lip gloss mix it together and try to make something really fucking weird, or do that with gel polish”

“I refuse to touch lip gloss, it’s fucking gross.”

“Bob ross painting not on your faces with lip gloss and other lipsticks.”

Remy nodded “thanks Virgil, you’re helping my buy it later.”

“No, people at school could see me, you can order it,”

“that’s less fun though,”

Virgil rolled his eyes “fine dad, I just need to make sure that no one can recognize me.”

He was ready pretty fast, with a light brown wig and blue contacts he also had close that where black and purple reserved for the occasion.

“Hello everyone! We are in the car today at our local Walgreens because we’re going to be buying lipstick, lip gloss and lip liner to make a Bob Ross painting!”

“Not on your face.”

“Not on my face, fuck lip gloss.”

“I wasn’t aware that was a kink or whatever.”

Remy glared at Virgil “smartass, you can walk home.”

“Gladly, I’ll be laughing when I see you trying to film and carry everything and talk and pay the cashier. You’ll be a meme.”

“You already got memed once this week, I’ll meme you myself if I have to. Or I could turn you into an E-Girl, you did lose that bet.”

“I absolutely despise you,”

Remy laughed “no you don’t.”

“I really do, and you can’t make me e an e-girl.”

“No, but the people can, there’ll be a poll right here, vote should my intern be an e-girl for the day?”

Virgil groaned “times like these make me wish I was aborted.”

Remy laughed.

The rest of the video went ok and no one recognized Virgil.

Raccoon: I hate life Dukey: I saw, I voted yes, you’d make a wonderful e-girl hiss hiss motherfucker: so did I, suffer bitch Raccoon: you’re both traitors hiss hiss motherfucker: at least we’re not going to be an e-girl

Virgil was pissed the whole week. “What’s up with you Dr. Gloom?” Roman asked.

“Made a bet with Remus, and lost, I’m going to commit toaster bath.”

Roman made a face “why would you make a bet with my brother? nothing good comes out of it.”

“I thought I’d win, turns out he’s totally willing to eat deodorant if it means I’ll have to dress like an e-girl for a day and make a tiktok.”

Roman laughed “I cannot wait to see you dressed as an e-girl.”

“I can, I’ll be locking myself in my room all day.”

“I’m surprised Remus didn’t say you’d have to walk around in public like that.”

“He did, but he can’t see me, so I’ll be in my room.”

Remy was in front of the camera. “Time for you to become an e-girl!”

“I’d like to say a very special fuck you to everyone who voted yes and that after this I’m going to commit toaster bath,”

“It’s one day, you’ll be fine.”

“One day in my room with the door locked and curtains closed.”

Remy laughed “oh no gurl, you’ll be going out, I suggest you make plans.”

“WHAT? That wasn’t part of the deal!”

“I thought it would go without saying you’d have to go outside.”

Virgil just glared, happy his face wasn’t in frame.

The makeover took well over an hour. when it was over he looked almost unrecognizable, thankfully.

Virgil: Hey, anyone want to hang out, my dad’s kicking me out of the house for the day says I need to be “social” whatever the means Princey: So you do need to go out as an e-girl Virgil: unfortunately, anyone free? Logan: I have to study and Patton is out at the animal shelter volunteering, Roman? Princey: I’m free, meet you at the mall? Virgil: Sure

“Dad! I’m going to hang out with Roman see you later.”

“Have fun on your date!”

“dad! It’s not a date!” He slammed the door and left.

Virgil waited in a café for Roman. He got an iced coffee as always.

Someone shoved him while he was waiting in line.

“What are you? A boy or a girl make up your mind,”

Virgil didn’t look up from his phone “gender is a spectrum and gender norms are fake and I refuse to give into toxic musicality and if you have a problem with that you can leave because I already ordered and payed for my drink and am not leaving until I get it.”

“You can’t change your chromosomes, it’.” the guy said in a feeble attempt to get back at Virgil. basic biology

“How about you stop relying on basic biology and come back when you can argue the same statement with complex biology. If you really knew anything about biology more then the basics you’d know that scientifically there are at least three genders according to chromosomes. Male, female and intersex, and that once again biology isn’t fucking basic otherwise everyone would be a biologist. I can wear a skirt if I want to.”

He grabbed his coffee and left, Roman had arrived a few minutes prior.

“Damn emo nightmare I didn’t think you’d go all out on the E-girl look.”

Virgil shrugged “go big or go home, and I was kicked out for the day so I had to go big. Dad said I needed to go outside. For some reason, no idea why. I mean last time I left the house of my own free will not for school was only six months ago.”

Roman looked at him in doubt “I’m pretty sure you’ve been outside of your own free will sooner then six months ago.”

“Outside? Yes, of my own free will? not so much. Oooh hot tpic.”

Roman laughed.

“Shut up princey, they have cool stuff, including gay stuff.”

Roman shrugged “could be gayer.”

“You’ve been in hot topic?”

Roman shrugged “a few times with Remus, he makes me go, bribing me with Disney.”

Virgil smirked “why am I not surprised you can be bribed with Disney?”

He started looking around at My Chemical Romance t-shirts and other things. He also grabbed some purple hair dye.

“Where to next princey?”

Roman shrugged “Game stop?”

“Sure,”

They hung out at the mall for awhile longer before guess what another youtuber came.

It was Safiya doing a weird makeup science vlog.

“Virgil, planning on becoming a meme again?”

Virgil rolled his eyes “no, besides Safiya’s cool, I like her make up science videos. I just hate vloggers who do shitty content and make to much money through it.”

They left shortly after going their separate ways.

“How was your date?” Remy called from the basement.

“Not a date! You made me get out the house!”

“Come down here and finish filming!”

“So, how was your day of being an e-girl?”

“Got harassed about my gender and whatnot, I fucking destroyed the idiot, that was fun.”

“And who did you hang out with?”

“I told you and again, it wasn’t a date, everyone else was busy.”

Remy looked towards the camera in doubt.

“Well I’m never doing this again, I’m going to go change.”

The video went viral when it was posted several days later.

I saw a kid at the mall dressed like an e-girl a few days ago. They got harrassed at the Starbucks.

#sander sides #youtuber au #famous au #prinxiety #familial sleepxiety

57 notes · View notes

hawkland · 3 years

Text

Dear Fandom5k Author

My AO3 account (sidewinder)

Hello and thank you for writing for me! I’m excited to give this exchange a try for the first time and cannot wait to read what you can come up with for one of my requests. Please note I’d love any of them equally, no matter if I have more prompt ideas for one or the other. Some I seriously would love just about anything about since they are so rare, others I have more specific requests to scratch itches I haven’t seen written before (or that much.)

General Likes:

Soumates with a twist. I love soulmate/soulbond AUs, as long as it’s just not a shortcut to happily-ever, no-conflict fluff. I want there to be some difficulties or angst involved. For instance, I’d love seeing any fusion/inspired-by fics based off the concept of the AMC Soumates series - where there’s a newly-developed scientific test a person can choose to take to find their soulmate (if the other person out there has also taken the test). That way it’s a choice to find out or not. Would an already established couple want to take the test to find out if they’re really “meant” to be together or not? What if they find out other people are their “soulmates”? What about the possibility of platonic soulmates vs romantic? Discussions for the future if/when one partner dies before the other? I’d love to see these questions played out with one of my fave ships in either a happy or somewhat angsty/dark way.

Vacation/travel stories. Being unable to travel this past year+ thanks to covid-19 has me desperate to explore and live vicariously through my favorite characters! So I’d love a story involving travel to somewhere new (to them). It could be a romantic getaway/honeymoon trip to somewhere special - and I love it when an author “takes me” to a favorite city/place of their own. Or two friends just going on an escapade together, maybe one sensing the other needs some time away from a stressful situation or workplace.

Smutty likes: I love extended kissing scenes, frottage, light restraint play, sharing-one-bed-for-~reasons~-ooops-how-did-we-wake-up-cuddling, bathing/caretaking an injured partner-turns-erotic, desperate/reunion sex.

Canon-divergent AUs - I’m always good with fix-its, shifts in canon that only change one thing and see what happens next or instead.

Do Not Wants:

A/B/O dynamics, mating heats. (I do like Supernatural fics that explore Castiel and the angels having bird-like behaviors and instincts, however.)

animal abuse/death

anything related to pregnancy/childbirth/kidfic (except for Jack in SPN)

formalized BDSM relationships

scat/watersports

unrequested alternative-universe scenarios such as high school/mundane/genderswap/coffee shop/fantasy/etc. There are a few ships/groups where I would enjoy specific AUs, and those are outlined below.

Completely sad endings/permanent character death or injury that isn’t part of canon

Rape/non-con between requested characters. Dubious consent is fine in situations like magic spells/possession/fuck-or-die, however.

Supernatural

AU - Canon Divergence, Character Development, Established Relationship, Getting Together, Fix-it fic, Interpersonal Drama, Smut, Angst, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural, Slice of Life, Worldbuilding, Horror

In general for SPN, I love canon-divergence AUs at pretty much any point in time (especially as they kept having so many dumb reasons in canon to keep Dean & Cas apart just when one or the other seriously needed support or TLC!) I’m okay with post-series Heaven fics as well as canon fix-its/completely ignoring the finale, and I like exploring both human!Cas as endgame or Cas keeping/getting his full angelic grace back (which is a slight preference to me, as he repeatedly seemed to genuinely value/want to be an angel? But exploring all possibilities in fic is cool for me.)

I’m a sucker for Castiel Whump/hurt!Cas in general, so long as the author remembers Cas is a bad ass and not just a baby in a trenchcoat. If he’s going to suffer, I want him to suffer stoically until he just cannot keep up the facade any longer.

SPN-specific DNWs: mentions/implications of Wincest, past or present; extreme bashing/characterization of John and Mary Winchester, or Jimmy Nowak, as homophobic.

Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester

Give me all the finale fix-it fics - no I’m still not over it, I’m still happy to read any new twist on how Cas got out of the Empty and got back together with Dean (and Sam). If Dean still dies early/ends up in Heaven, I’d like a story that explores what happens when one gets bored of peace-and-happiness-ever-after. (Yes, I’m a big fan of The Good Place and as such it makes me wonder if eternity with no conflict and everything you could ever want would just melt your brain and identity after a few millennia.) So what then?

I’m also stealing a Tumblr rant as a prompt I’d love to read, if you want to get into some good dirty smut:

ive had it up to here with fictional gays being like “i love you and if all i can ever have is that knowledge it’s enough for me” we need more “i have been struck down by horny insanity and i beg you to fuck me once. i’ve had three smirnoff ices and i’m gonna be crazy now. we can pretend it didn’t happen i don’t give a shit just gimme daddy’s blunt instrument” it’s more realistic [x]

Um so yeah. I’d love an au where, anywhere along the line when it’s been their/someone’s/the universe’s life on the life, Cas takes the initiative decides they’re gonna have crazy sex even if it’s just once before the end of the world/we die. But then, oops, we’ve survived, now we have to deal with it. ...Please?

For something different, maybe more romantic/fluffy, I’d really love a vacation/getaway story here, since they never really got anything like that of substance on the show. I want to see Cas take Dean somewhere beautiful and amazing in the world he’s never gotten to see before. Show him there’s more than just greasy diners and the landscape of America to enjoy and experience. If you want, they could stumble on a case/haunting/monster from another part of the world while they’re at it...but I just really want to see Dean having some mind-opening and expanding experiences beyond what’s he’s known and seen so far in life.

In specific with Cas/Dean + Sam, I love another tumblr idea I saw recently where Sam totally keeps bringing up the idea of “Sastiel” as a fun joke between him and Cas, and Cas plays along, and it drives Dean up the wall. Cas has to just keep re-assuring Dean that no, he doesn’t see Sam that way...but why does it bother Dean so much? A.k.a. Dean has to finally own up to the fact that it bothers him because he wants Cas to feel that way about him.

Castiel (Supernatural)

I just love Cas, period, end of story, he’s my One True Character of SPN. I love any stories that try to explore him more fully—be it his relationships in the past with other angels and being a BAMF commander/warrior of Heaven, or what specifically it is that keeps him so tied to the Winchesters. I love stories that feature his true-form in some fashion or try to dig into the alien/different nature of angels vs. humans.

Also, another Tumblr-musing-turned-prompt (I lost who posted it, sorry!) I'd love to see explored in a canon divergence fic focused on Cas. Specifically:

"I would have loved an arc for Cas (after he got his grace back) where he wanted to help people, like he was helped. Spending time in soup kitchens or healing people, and through that developing a sense of self purpose, leading to his grace replenishing unexpectedly. Sort of fulfilling the traditional angel role (as we know it nowadays) by replacing his faith in heaven/dean with faith in himself, to redefine himself as a protector of humanity instead of heaven's soldier."

Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester & Jimmy Novak Group: Castiel & Jimmy Novak

We know Cas carried a lot of guilt for what happened to Jimmy and his whole family. So I'm interested in a post-finale, canon-compliant (I guess?) fic where Cas tries to reconcile things with Jimmy in Heaven. Maybe Jimmy & Amelia were one of his first "projects" or test cases in trying to build a new and better Heaven with Jack? (And it's what he was so busy with while Dean was still alive.) Or, is it weird in Heaven with Cas and Jimmy looking so similar? Does Cas still fight doubts as to whether Dean really loves him, or just desires this body/form that isn’t his own?

Otherwise, I've been thinking about Endverse!Cas, who had lost his grace/powers as the angels have all left and abandoned humankind. What happened to/where is Jimmy in all of that? (If we go by the canon that Jimmy was not killed, nor went to Heaven, until the end of Season 5, when Lucifer blew up that vessel and Cas was resurrected by Chuck.) Are they now two "mortal men"/souls trapped sharing one body? Is that why Cas is so messed up/always seeking an escape through drugs and sex? (Besides of course Dean having changed so much.) This is one prompt where I don’t mind a very dark/not-so-happily-ever-after ending.

The Police

Angst, Character Development, Established Relationship, Getting Together, Humor, Interpersonal Drama, Smut

Group: Sting/Stewart Copeland

Yeah I’ll always request these two together even though I know it’s a long shot to find anyone else as obsessed about them as I am. Really anything at all whatsoever would make me happy for this ship: Reunion Tour-era fic, early punk days before they grew successful, soulmate AUs...

I’d also love a spooky story where they’re on tour/on the road somewhere and end up in a haunted hotel. Or their tour bus/van breaks down in the middle of nowhere and they have to seek shelter in an abandoned house or farm or something...and supernatural weirdness ends up affecting them or bringing them together.

If you want to go the crack route: it wasn’t enough for Miles to take them all around the world to tour in “exotic” locations back in the day. He’s arranged for them now to go on the ultimate tour...of outer space and alien worlds.

Crossover Fandom

Action/Adventure, Character Development, Interpersonal Drama, Angst, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural

Group: Abe Morgan (Forever TV) & John Munch (L&O: SVU)

I’ve had a long running headcanon that these two could have been friends back in their respective 60s/early 70s hippie days. I’d love either a story set back then, “pre-canon”, or them running into each other in NYC later in life. Munch ending up in Abe’s antique shop, for instance, while on an investigation?

Group: Dean Winchester (Supernatural) & Ezekiel Stone (Brimstone) Group: Castiel (Supernatural) & Ezekiel Stone (Brimstone)

I’m fascinated by the idea of crossing over these two canons. Even if there’s some conflict in their approach to Hell/Lucifer/demons, there’s still a lot in common. Dean & Ezekiel having both put in their time in Hell and being demon hunters, for instance, and their complicated relationships with (fallen) angels. I’d love to see them bonding over their experiences (Maybe they even meet in Hell? Time DOES work differently there…) Maybe somehow after Ezekiel completed his mission for the Devil, he did get his second chance at “life on Earth”…but the devil’s trick is that it’s not HIS Earth, it’s in a different dimension (Supernatural’s). I’m also curious how Ezekiel might respond to Castiel as an angel–perhaps he mistakes Cas for a demon at first, with his powers, but then they realize they are in fact hunting the same demon? Cas is stuck in an alternative dimension and recognizes Ezekiel as a similar soul to Dean’s, and seeks out his help?

Basically I’d love some kind of casefic/demon hunt here, with the characters bonding over their shared/similar past traumas, taking care of each other when/if injured on a hunt, and/or perhaps helping them sort out their complicated feelings for another (ie, background Cas/Dean and/or Zeke/the Devil are TOTALLY welcome here, as I ship both of those ships.)

Law & Order: SVU

Group: John Munch/Odafin "Fin" Tutuola

Character Development, Established Relationship, Humor, Getting Together, Interpersonal Drama, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural, Slice of Life, AU-Genre shift

Munch/Fin is one of my eternal OTPs so I’m always happy to see something new featuring them! I’m always good for procedural/case-fics. And this is one request where I’d love to read some AU-Genre or setting shift, reimagining the two in some other situations besides police work. I’ve always loved the idea of John hosting a conspiracy/weird news radio show or podcast, and Fin as someone completely skeptical but who gets wrapped up in one of John’s mysteries. Or John as the owner of a bar somewhere that Fin is one of his regulars, and over time their friendship develops/deepens into something more.

Supernatural RPF

Misha Collins/Jensen Ackles Established Relationship, Getting Together, Smut, Fluff, Slice of Life, Humor

It’s odd for me to be into an actor RPF fandom (I usually only fall for music/band-related ones), but what can I say...these two just make it almost impossible not to see the possibilities!

I was thinking I’d love something set post-Supernatural...their first time seeing each other again after a long time apart? (What with the show ending, covid, Misha’s surgery, etc etc.) Could be at a convention or maybe they get to go off on a getaway together somewhere private/romantic and it’s...kind of tense and maybe nervous/angsty at first? Like with doubts about whether they can/should go back to the way things were before.

Or: putting tin-hatty speculation about the “secret/real identity” of Alma Perpetua aside, I love their poetry and I’d love any “Cockles” fic using one of their poems as inspiration.

#fandom5k #dear author #exchange letter

2 notes · View notes

surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #340

“wash the poison from off my skin / show me how to be whole again”

What is one thing that you took to show and tell as a kid? I have this oddly specific memory of bringing my little Snorlax plushie for one in pre-k. I remember thinking everyone thought I was weird for liking Pokemon as a girl. Do you remember losing your first tooth? I don't. Have you ever been addicted to a game? What game? I think I was addicted to World of Warcraft at a point, but it's honestly hard to tell. My depression was just so abysmal that it was the one thing I got even a smidge of not even joy, but active distraction out of because the options of what you can do in the game are essentially limitless. Are you afraid to pop a balloon? Not really, but it does make me jump because I don't like loud noises. Name one person you’d like to see this month. Bitch we fighting Covid, stay away from me. When was the last time you laughed when you shouldn’t have? I don’t know. Which was better: the first The Lion King or the second? They're nearly tied, honestly, but I prefer the original. Do any of your grandparents have a tattoo? I KNOW my maternal grandmother didn't, and I don't believe any other grandparent did, either. When was the last time you had a bubble bath? Not since I was a kid. What do you usually buy when you go to the corner store? You mean like, a gas station or dollar store? Something small like that? In that case, I'll usually look for a Mountain Dew Voltage sometimes along with something Reese's-related. Do you believe that your pets feel love towards you? My cat, absofuckinglutely. He so obviously loves me. I know my snake doesn't though, considering reptilian brains just physically aren't capable of creating that emotion. She does, however, obviously trust me and definitely seems to enjoy coming out of her terrarium and thus hanging out by me. Bubbles or sidewalk chalk? I loved drawing with chalk, but I like bubbles more. I just love how they catch light and have such beautiful colors to share. What do you use to tell time when your gone out somewhere? My phone. Are you proud of your body? FUCK no. I wish I still was, goddammit. I used to be so fit, and it's funny, because even back then at like, 118 lbs at 5'4'', I thought I was kinda chubby. Like bitch shut the fuck up. Watermelon or cherries? I honestly don't like either, but I'll definitely pick watermelon over cherries. They're disgusting. What is your all-time favourite song? "False Flags" by Massive Attack. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Biiiiiitch guess lmao. I think everyone has, though. What is the band you’ve listened to most lately? Definitely 3TEETH. Love 'em. Favourite brand of cookies? Hm, good question. They've gotta be good at making SOFT chocolate chip cookies, though. I don't enjoy crunchy cookies nearly as much. If you could meet anyone who lived before your time, who would it be? I don't really know. Oh, y'know, chatting with Edgar Allan Poe would probably be cool. Do you pay for your own things? I literally can't. It's embarrassing. Have you ever been rushed to the hospital in an ambulance? No. What is one thing you’d never want your parents to find out? Certain sexual things I've done, probably. When you were little, did you like Dr. Suess books? Of course. Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship? I felt that way in my friendship with Colleen, but no romantic relationships. What would you consider unforgivable? Rape. Like no, go to hell. Do you like eating out at restaurants? Pre-Covid, yeah. What do you dislike the most about being the gender that you are? Probably how heavily judged women are for having ANYTHING "wrong" with their appearance. You could be five pounds over what is "normal" for your height and you're seen as fat. One strand of body hair, and you're disgusting. Bushy eyebrows, you're now manly. I could go on and on. Do you think that weed/marijuana should be legalized? Yes. Rate your typing speed on a scale from 1 - 10? 10. Do you enjoy tanning? Ugh, no. Just sitting there doing nothing but sweating. Have you ever written anybody an anonymous note? I have not. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Ketchup. Have you ever laid in a hammock? Yeah; we used to have one. It was the best when we lived in the woods. Do you blow dry your hair or do you let it air out? I just let it air dry. Candles or incense? I prefer incense. Can you juggle? No. Your favorite vegetable? Broccoli. Do you catch lizards? No; I don't like terrifying wildlife. I'd much rather just take pictures of the little guys and let them go about their business. If we returned to a world without internet, what aspect of online life would you miss the most? YouTube, haha. It's more unique and personal entertainment than television, imo. Are you craving anything aside from food, and if so, what? I want a new piercinggggg. What was the last change you made to your lifestyle? I'm *trying* to get back into regularly making art, along with reading. I'm also really trying to implement drinking more water into my day. What was the last thing you gave up doing? *shrug* What was the last thing to boost your self-esteem? What sort of things typically make you feel good about yourself? It really, really helped to hear my PHP group enjoy my poem about gay rights so much. I was so terrified and did NOT want my therapist to share it, but it turned out being very beneficial. To answer the second question, it's pretty much stuff like I just mentioned: positive reactions to things I create. When it comes to food, do you prefer crunchy or softer textures? Definitely softer. Do you prefer savory or sweet things for breakfast? Hm. Depends on the day, ig. What is something small that you take extremely personally? I'm blanking. What was going on the last time you couldn’t sleep? I just... couldn't sleep. That's not rare for me. Have you drawn anything recently? I recently drew a picture of a still from Rammstein's "Mutter" music video, and I'm now working on Sara's 'kat Alucard. If you're going somewhere close by, do you walk? No. One simply does not walk in this town and not fear being shot. Do you prefer colorful notebooks over plain ones? I like colorful ones, particularly those with a nice pattern or something on it. What's your most ambitious goal? I'd consider wanting to be a successful freelance photographer to be rather ambitious. Do you know anyone named Alex? Well, knew, by this point. One of my closest online friends that just got a boyfriend and fell off the face of the planet when we used to talk every day. I'm still hurt about it, honestly. What's your favorite kind of pie? I don't like pie because of the crust being so, well... crusty and crumbly. Have you ever chatted someone up and scored a date? No. How far would you go with someone you just met? Not very far at all. All you're getting is a hug, if even that. What's your favorite meal to have for dinner? I mean, it depends on what I feel like having. I don't have a set favorite meal. What do you daydream about? The future, mostly. People I miss. Have you ever known someone online and then met them in person? If so, which website did you meet on? Yes, Sara. <3 We met via YouTube back when it had much more social connection. Have you ever been to the beach? Yeah, a good number of times. When was the last time you were sick and what illness did you have? I don't believe I've been ill in any sort of way since I had that ungodly ear infection a few years ago. Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? Yeah, Colleen's house. Mom once tried kicking me out of the car one night otw home, but I didn't listen. Have you ever intentionally trolled? No. How many siblings do your parents have? Mom has two brothers and I think one sister, and Dad has one sister. Who last held your hand? My niece or nephew, dragging me somewhere, haha. Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies? No, not interested. What was the last thing you watched on YouTube? I'm watching John Wolfe's playthrough of Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs. It's so funny how like... every let's player I watch doesn't enjoy the game, like they miss the incredible symbolism and shy away from the advanced language, and sometimes it's just frustrating to watch them; I only do because I enjoy the game and want to see more people experience it and relive it vicariously. It's very high on my list of favorite games. What sport do you find yourself best at? I wouldn't know; I haven't played any sports in years. I was pretty good at softball as a kid, though. Do you think makeup on guys is freaky or sexy? My opinion shouldn't matter; a man can wear makeup whenever he damn well pleases without worrying what others think. But anyway, I tend to find it attractive, especially if it's goth makeup. Have you ever been accused of a crime you did not commit? No. Do you like pickles? I love dill pickles. What was the craziest moment of your life? Probably just lying in that hospital bed following my OD, my mom and two best friends just sitting there with me. It was such a weird, weird feeling. Like I was just so done, frustrated beyond what I can say. I remember thinking it was almost funny, just how it all built up and went wrong. Where do you spend most of your time? In my room on my bed. What is your favorite muffin? Chocolate chip. Would you ever get a boob job? I already know when/if I lose the weight I want to, it will be kind of a big deal to me and my atrocious body image to get a breast lift. Being overweight ~does things~ you know, and god knows I want every trace of it that can be erased gone. Would you ever go on a reality TV dating show? That's a massive "no" from me, buddy. Would you rather be inside or outside? It depends on where I am and the temperature outside, but generally, inside. Do you like the current president? Well, I voted for him, so I can't shit-talk much. I don't know the true depths of him as a person and all he stands for, though; when I decided I needed to vote, I just did some research on his core values. I don't have any complaints yet, from what I've seen at least, which isn't a lot. Do you whiten your teeth? I've used whitening strips before, but I don't now because they're not that effective. If it's financially plausible at some point in my life, teeth whitening is another thing I want to have medically done because of my previous horrible self-care. My teeth have a clear yellow tint and I hate it. Do you get cold easily? No; it's actually the opposite: I get hot easily. What was the worst sickness you ever had? Probably this one stomach bug I had where I just threw up relentlessly. Like eventually barely even bile would come up; it was just dry heaving. My stomach muscles were in agony. Was your childhood wasted by something? No, thankfully. Would you rather die during an adventure or die like a normal person? A normal person. The idea of having such a sudden death stresses me out for multiple reasons; I mostly don't want my family to just be suddenly devastated, and I honestly want to come to peace with the fact I was dying. Like, find my life's own closure instead of just having it ripped away. Have your parents ever tried to commit suicide? Jesus, I sure hope not. Do you have a gag reflex? A very strong one. Do you ever fantasize about trying drugs? I've wondered before what the effects of weed would be like for me, but "fantasize" is definitely the wrong word. Would you rather have sex before you’re married or wait till marriage? It'd be up to my partner, honestly, because I'm fine with either. What is the nastiest dare you have ever committed? I never did dares because I thought they were stupid. Like I'm not gonna do dumb shit just to show you I can. Do you know anyone who has been raped? I think I might? Have you ever asked someone for a tampon? Yeah. Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? No. Are you more of a phone or a computer person? Computer. Do you prefer headphones or earbuds? Earbuds. Headphones are just big and clunky and in the way when you use a laptop in bed, plus they irritate my skin. I like how earbuds actually go in your ears for more direct hearing. Would you ever consider adopting a child with a severe mental illness? If I wanted children, no, because I don't think I'm capable to give a child like that adequate care, being so mentally ill myself. I wouldn't want to risk worsening their condition. Favorite thing to do with a significant other? Play games together, particularly cute multiplayer ones that are more about the experience of playing together versus getting past difficult obstacles and such. Like for example, one of my favorite memories with Jason is simply playing Little Big Planet together. Favorite ice cream topping? I don't like many toppings on my ice cream, but I do love melted hot fudge. First boyfriend/girlfriend’s name? Aaron. Do you support PETA? Considering they are incredibly self-righteous extremists, no. Do you believe in the Big Bang Theory? Well, I believe in some sort of "god" figure that created the universe, so I don't think so. A condensed ball of nothing exploding to create something so extravagant? It sounds pretty far-fetched to me. But then again, maybe that semblance of a "god" I believe in created the universe through that, idk. It doesn't really matter now, though, does it. What happened happened, I'm not very concerned with it. What insect can you not stand the site of? It's more so larvae that I can't stand the sight of, like maggots and stuff. They make me squirm. Do you like Doctor Who? I've only seen one or two episodes, so I can't say. Do you approve of gay marriage? Of course I do. I'm bisexual and would like to get married, so I might marry a woman. Are you into politics? I'm really not. Do you think the world is ending soon? Nah, even though it sure does feel like it sometimes. Ever been to a mosh pit? No, they don't seem very fun at all. Do you like to debate? NO. NO NO NO. Do you like the band System of a Down? Yeah, I do. Are you German? It's a big part of my heritage. Do your parents like your best friend? Yes. Who’s someone you can act your complete self around? Sara, 100%. She's the only person I feel entirely comfortable around when it comes to being myself. Do you believe in Friday the 13th? I don't believe in there being any supernatural power to it, no. Who is your favorite rapper? Eminem. What age is your youngest aunt? Uhhhh I have no idea. Do you like bowling? Sure, it's fun. Do you like roasting marshmallows on a bonfire? I do. What shows or characters scared you as a child? Ghostface from the Scream series was my worst fucking nightmare. I couldn't even see pictures of him without crying. The King Ramses guy from Courage the Cowardly Dog also gave me a number of nightmares. Something about the way he was animated was very unnatural and unnerving to me.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''castle of glass'' by linkin park

4 notes · View notes