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blinkpen · 9 months

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i wish tumblr would let you arrange images placed after text and not reserve that for if a post opens with images and only the images that occurs before any text

i do think that'd be a good feature to have

#sporadic warbling #accidentally effed up a draft and now its like 25 images vertically i cant put them back the way they were #under a readmore but i put the readmore there #bc even WITH photo arrangement it was long

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ghoulodont · 10 months

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i need a secondary wip to work on when my head is exploding about my primary wip

#ive been writing vertically recetly #do you know what i mean #usually ive been the type of person to just blast out a final draft #but im going iteratively its very strange #for me

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fans4wga · 8 months

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CALL TO ACTION to support WGA/SAG-AFTRA: Submit a comment about the corporate monopoly crisis.

August 18, 2023: You can personalize the template message included in the above link, or simply just add your name & email. Seems like it's US only; please boost if you can't sign yourself.

From the WGA:

"More than 100 days into our strike, as we continue to fight for the sustainability of our profession, events in Washington, D.C. provide an opportunity for writers to shine a light on one of the root causes of the strike: media consolidation. For decades, the WGA has advocated for stronger antitrust oversight, bringing attention to the ways that mergers and vertical integration in our industry – from AT&T-Time Warner to Warner Bros.-Discovery to Amazon-MGM to Disney-Fox – have consolidated the power of our employers and harmed writers as well as the diversity of content. In numerous reports and policy filings – including a new report called The New Gatekeepers: How Disney, Amazon and Netflix Will Take Over Media, released yesterday – the WGA has documented the threat to our industry from past and future consolidation and called for more aggressive antitrust enforcement. Our current strike highlights the urgency of the issue; studios gained power through anti-competitive consolidation and vertical integration and then used that power to push down wages and impose more precarious working conditions for writers while profiting off of their work, and currently – together – refuse to bargain a fair contract for writers to mitigate those harms. Last month, the FTC and DOJ jointly released proposed revisions to their Merger Guidelines, a policy document designed to guide law enforcement around consolidation. These new Draft Guidelines are part of an effort by these agencies to reinvigorate antitrust enforcement. Compared with prior versions of Merger Guidelines, they give significantly more weight to the ways that mergers can be harmful and, for the first time, explicitly direct agencies and courts to consider how mergers can hurt workers. The Draft Guidelines have been released for public comment, and the FTC and DOJ want to hear from people who have been affected by consolidation – people like you.”

The FTC and DOJ are accepting comments on their revisions of the Merger Guidelines until September 18.

#sag-aftra strike #sag strike #actors strike #fans4wga #union solidarity #wga strong #sag-aftra strong #i stand with the wga #wga strike #writers strike

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boxbug · 7 months

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A Canary’s Final Flight

My piece for @trafficzine 4th edition! Get it for free here! 200 pages of excellent art and fics, incredible work from all participants and from the mods especially!! huge shoutout to the mods for real

Process notes under the cut! (I struggled a lot so it's a bit of a novel)

So the entire process was a Ride. I knew when I picked this prompt that I was going to have a hard time, because Jimmy’s final death had been illustrated a billion times over by extremely talented artists. But I had a Vision of the snapshot of the second before the impact, when everything is still but you know what’s about happen. It was very much inspired by the clip of Fog by Jabberwocky, bu the thing is, they have the advantage of all the build up of the fall, and that’s when the trouble started.

This was my first version, and obviously it wasn't working. And I was trying so hard, with so many iterations! Small wings, big wings, no wings, different poses, less backgrounds elements. I'd done compositions were everything seemed peaceful but something is Wrong, but it wasn't working this time.

So instead I focused on what rendering I'd like to do - I tried a painterly approach, for that visceral feeling, but it wasn't working either (but hey, I did keep the red sky, so, progress)

At this point I'd been doing back and forths for weeks and I was just as lost as at the start. Now that's my tip for people who make art of any kind, in situations like that, stop thinking about how you can make the best piece possible, and think about you can have fun with it (because when you aren't it's visible). And for that was, 1 - going back to using ink and pen nibs and doing way too detailed inking, and 2- looking at Dave McKean's covers for Sandman (which, funnily enough, was also a reference for my previous trafficzine piece)

And from there I was actually going somewhere! Between the jagged rocks, the red sky, and the increased verticality with the borders, I had hit the vibes I wanted.

I did some experimentation with the border, and even though I really liked the bad boys I drew they were taking too much away from the lonely desolation, so I actually used Red (Unecessary Redstone)'s idea of all of Jimmy's worldy's possessions scattered on the ground post impact, with the idea to make it looks like the central image is his grave being dug.

(and yes for a short amount of time the were supposed to be clock markings on the sun, but there was already enough going with the wings so I scrapped that) (also fun fact the reason why the wings aren't fully material but more ghostly is because my toddler cousin was watching me draw the very first draft and asked why he didn't just use his wings and i went :( so the wings are a metaphor now)

So from there I found a bunch of picture and took some myself, cut and assembled everything together, added shadows in all the appropriate places, and repainted some elements so that everything would look better intergrated (some of the wheats are basically 100% handpainted, the cardboard as well). This took a suprisingly long amount of time, but I was done!

Well I wasn't expecting to have that much to say, but I hope if you're still reading, it was at least interesting!

#trafficzine #limited life #limlife #limlife fanart #jimmy solidarity fanart #solidaritygaming #i forgot all the tags augh #curse of not posting often #mcyt fanart #mcyt #zine illustration #zines #my art

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shoddynomenclature · 3 months

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Bg3 Ladies React to Old Scars

Featuring: Shadowheart, Karlach, Minthara, and Jaheira

Something finally made it out of the bottomless pit that is my drafts! This was requested a couple times by several people so thank you to all who suggested it!

Shadowheart

She lies in bed next to you, absently tracing your bare back.

She always traces your scars. She’s tells you they are like constellations, worthy of as much worship as the night sky itself.

Tonight, though, she pays special attention to your biggest one, running vertically down your lower back, disappearing only under the seam of your underwear.

This is her tell tale sign she wants the story. She won’t ask or push you to tell, but this is simply her way of telling you she’s ready to hear it, if you’re willing to share.

“That one is…” you trail off and her tracing stills, “a lot. Not that I’m not willing to share, I just need you to know what you’re asking for.”

She places both her hands gently on your shoulders and kisses the top of your spine. You turn to face her and she takes your face in her hands.

“There is no part of your darkness I’m not willing to explore, love,” she whispers. She takes your hand in hers and softly kisses the knuckles.

You take a deep breath, nod, and tell your story. She does not let go of your hand. She doesn’t flinch when you find even the most gruesome details slipping from your tongue.

You hadn’t planned to go as deep as you did. But something about the peace you found in her green eyes compelled you. It was as if they were saying “you can let go now, you are safe.”

So you did. You let yourself fall. And now, lying in bed next to your lover, you were caught.

When you were done, you found yourself unexpectedly gasping for air, not so dissimilar to after climbing a steep hill with too much equipment on your back.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” she cooed, pulling you against her chest. You find yourself able to match her breathing.

“Thank you for sharing, I know it was not easy,” she kisses your head.

You shake your head into her chest. “I found it was not so hard with you. It doesn’t feel so heavy anymore. Perhaps it’s a burden shared and all that.”

She chuckles a little. “Sometimes you’re terribly cliché, darling. But, I cannot say I disagree. I was taught to find comfort in all recesses of darkness and absence, but, despite my best efforts, I was never able to find comfort in isolation.”

“And what a miracle we’ve found,” you move back to look into her eyes and smile. “A radiant love to pierce the shared darkness.”

Shadowheart smiles and presses her forehead against yours. “I love you. I’ve even grown to love the way you weave your poetic little metaphors.”

“I love you too,” you chuckle and kiss her nose. “And you’ve always loved my over complicated metaphors.”

Karlach

Karlach sat on the bed behind you, who sat cross legged at the foot, reading.

She took the time to examine your largely bare back, as your current outfit left little to the imagination.

Your body, just like hers was painted with scars. You were both mosaics of your past who had no choice to hide the traumas you endured.

She frowns and you feel a tail coil tight around your waist, pulling you back to sit against her. You look over your shoulder to see her, and then scoot yourself in between her legs and rest your back against her chest.

She wraps her big arms around you and rests her head on your shoulder. You hook your arm around her neck and place your hand in her hair.

“Is something wrong, love?” you whisper, kissing the space right next to her long ear.

“Sometimes, I wish things were simpler,” she sighs. “I mean I love smashing the baddies as much as the next guy, but… I wish getting sucked up by the squidies and forced to carry tadpoles wasn’t the best thing to ever happen to us.”

You nod, rubbing your face against hers. “We were born to be fighters, but I wish we hadn’t been forced to be soldiers.”

“It’s like, I love my little nub right? My dad always said it made me look strong. But,” she touches her own chest, “did she have to put her name on my chest?”

“And you, and your…” she traces the branding scar on your collar bone. You catch her hand in yours and press it gently against your lips.

You turn to face her, the pain in her eyes makes your chest tighten. “These bodies,” you gesture between the two of you, “these are ours. Forever. They can’t take that away from us.”

Her hand lands back on your scar. You press your forehead against hers. “And they,” you trace your own scar with her finger. “They can’t take me away from you.”

She pulls you in for a tight hug. You’re almost smothered in her chest.

You knew that even the idea that there was something she couldn’t protect you from was nauseating to her. The idea that she wouldn’t always be there to protect was even worse.

“It’s not fair,” she half cries into your hair. “Why can’t this life be ours forever?”

You take her face in her hands. Sometimes, Karlach beautiful optimism had its limits. It seemed she hit one today.

“It’s not over yet,” you remind her. “We still have choices. We just gotta save the entire world first.”

She smiles weakly. “Save the world. Save each other. Then we can have our little future together.”

You nod. “And we’re gonna adopt the meanest fucking goat Faerûn has ever seen.”

Minthara

One evening, just outside of Baldur’s gate, you and Minthara decided to take advantage of one of the several nooks and crannies Wyrm’s lookout had to offer.

She sat on the elevated edge of one of the abandoned watchtowers, the one you had climbed to after leaving the shadowlands.

You knelt at her feet, looking up at your beautiful goddess of a lover, smiling, naked in the evening glow.

She looks down at you and idly traces a scar that dances across your chest before taking your hand and holding it up to her own chest.

“We match. Feel,” she leads your finger to a short raised scar towards the top of her breast. It is shorter than yours, but likely just as traumatic.

“Such placement, yes? Just above the source of our lives,” she says. “Scars such as these are rarely from battle, as the armor is heavy around the chest.”

She stares wistfully off into the distance, holding your hand over her beating heart. You’re awestruck by her trust in you. To take a place that was once betrayed and allow you to hold it in your hand.

“Would you like to see? Where it came from?” She asks. You nod, and then you feel the familiar tadpole urging you into her mind. You enter.

She shows you everything: her mother, the betrayal, the hurt. It’s almost enough to bring you to tears.

When the vision fades, you see her eyes already fixed on your own. Her hands presses over your heart. She senses the hesitation in your eyes even before you feel it.

“It is okay,” she says. “If you don’t want to go back there I will not push you to do so.”

After a moment, your hand closes around the one she’s placed on your chest. “I can do it. As long as you are with me.”

You close your eyes, allowing her into your mind. You flinch and grit your teeth as you recall the horrors that gave you your scar.

It’s odd, as if the your pasts, like your scars, mirror each other in some way. Two who have been betrayed find trust in one another.

“I do not believe in destiny,” she says plainly. “I do not think things are, ‘mean to be’, as they say. I do not think I have found and loved you in every life.” She takes your face into her hands. “But I am grateful that I have you in this one.”

Jaheira

To Jaheira, scars are simply props to tell kickass hero stories. She takes pride in nearly every one she’s earned.

And she is an excellent storyteller. So everyone is always excited and intrigued to hear them.

You’ve found a lot of confidence and freedom in this mindset: a scar as a prize rather than an imperfection.

However, not all of your scars have the story of hero behind them.

And that just happens to be the case for the long scar that runs across your shoulders, from one to the other.

“What is this one’s story?” She asks while doing your hair one afternoon. “It is from very long ago, yes?”

You nod, carefully not to disturb her hair fixing process. “How can you tell?”

“It has grown up with you,” she answers, though you still don’t know exactly what she means. She goes into more detail. “The scar was not originally this big because you were not this big when you received it.”

“I suppose I was not,” you respond. You nervously play with your fingers. “That one doesn’t have any heroic stories though. You rarely get a hero’s scar on your back.”

She pauses dealing with your hair and bends down to kiss your back. “You were a child. You should not have had to be a hero.”

Your eyes prick with tears. The story had only ever filled you with shame, yet you felt compelled to tell Jaheira anyway.

She continued to silently work on your hair, listening as you spoke.

She finished your hair before you were finished, and move to sit in front of you while you spoke. You hid your face away as you completed your story.

When you were finished, she took your chin in her hands. “Sometimes surviving is the most heroic thing one can do.”

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musclemanveryregular · 11 months

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[ID: a very rough draft vertical two panel comic, the first panel is benson and mordecai from the side. Benson has a clipboard in his hands and says to Mordecai, "it's pride month, mordecai & rigby, you know what that means". To which Mordecai replies, "huh," in a single bubble connecting to another chat bubble, indicating a pause in his speech, where he resumes with saying "what". The second panel begins and we are greeted to a scene of Benson walking away, with an incredibly smug look on his face. Behind him is Mordecai, with Rigby even further behind Mordecai standing on top of a ladder. Both have visibly confused looks on their faces, "do you want us to like" Mordecai says, another delayed bubble below it he continues, "gay mow the lawn" and a final delayed bubble finishes the comic with him asking, "what" /end ID]

#regular show #mordecai #benson regular show #rigby #lgbt

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bas-writes · 5 months

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Out of Words

Character: Nanami Kento Reader: afab (aka reader with a vagina; ambiguous body descriptions, neutral words used regarding genitalia with an exception for word “cunt”) CW: explicit nsfw content, PWP, one shot, established relationship, plus size reader, vaginal sex Word Count: 1k Synopsis: Just Nanami asking his plus size partner to ride him. And being in awe. Based on prompt 13 from this list. A/N: The original version got deleted because I have quite...complicated relationship with this text. But encouraged by my partner I eventually decided to put it back into the wild. So, enjoy! maybe for the second time if you already saw it aklskljjhd

"Ride me."

It slips past Nanami's lips almost unwittingly, like a voice speaking straight from the depths of his subconsciousness. The rhythm breaks: the both of you are utterly confused in the best, most excited way possible, almost frozen in place for a few, heavy seconds.

He releases your wrists, suddenly realizing he held them so hard there will be bruises shaped like his fingers, then shifts his body to the side, pulling yours with himself. You squeeze thighs around his hips for leverage and balance, and he can't help letting out a little, breathy groan of appreciation. He loves the softness, the rolls forming on them flush to his body, the yet tentative moves as you're looking for the most comfortable position for your knees. It's just the beginning and he's already entranced by the feel and views.

From comfortably nestled in pillows, your legs wide open to fit his wide body in between, you're above him now, in your wonderful glory, in power and control over him. As you ease into the new situation, your weight gradually presses close to his hips until you settle on the angle you like. Nanami clenches teeth, an inch away from successfully catching a moan; he's much deeper in your now, squeezed tight by your slick, hot walls, and sentenced to obediently awaiting your moves.

The fear of accidentally hurting you, prior stirred by your wrists, fades now. He grabs your hips with all he's got for your—not to hurry you up nor to pull you closer, but to feel you, to sink his fingers into your softness and to feed his eyes with the dip of your silhouette around them.

You shift on him for the last time, balance grabbed and checked, and lean slightly to the back, your eyes closed as you sink into the sensation. You start slowly, almost too slow for the both of you, either shy or testing the new waters. Nanami holds his breath back, irrationally worried a draft of air might interrupt you; his nails scratch deep at your skin, vertical lines right next to your stretch marks. He's going to kiss them with care later, insatiably sipping on your warmth, but now nothing can peel his attention away from desiring you. He's addicted to the sway of your hips, to the bouncing rhythm you soon pick up, to the flow of your body on top of him.

Nanami can't possibly grow tired of the sight of you in your naked glory. Since the day he's been graced with it for the first time he only grows more and more hungry. He loves every inch of it, whether you love it yourself or not, and usually doesn't shy from praising and adoring it—but now, with you bouncing on his cock, something keeps his words in check. Everything he feels like saying seems inappropriate, too simple and too vulgar. All he can do is to stare, eyes wide open in wonder, lips heavy of breath, and hands full of your curves. He lets them wander at times, to knead your ass or to support you at the waist, but every time the sensation grows too strong to handle, and he returns to your hips in hurry. It can't end like this, not now, when he's still starved, when he knows you can still show him more.

A rumble of your name follows an especially bold move of yours, and Nanami claws at your thighs with desperation. You've caught him off-guard this time, with his hands out of control when you suddenly clenched hard on him, squeezing him deep in your hot slick. He has to close eyes, to spare himself at least the delicious views, but the feeling is right there—your tight cunt, your big and soft ass, your thighs tensing under his fingertips and pressing flush to his sides.

"Fuck—" He desperately tries to keep his hips in check, fights with each desperate attempt to jerk up, fails. "Holy shit—"

He's ready to beg you to slow down and show him mercy, equally ashamed of himself and turned on by the thought alone. You coo something about him squirming and twitching but he can't quite tell words from the stream of your voice. Blindly, he reaches up, hands stopping before they can reach your middle and pawing at your soft tummy. Again, you speak to him, but he's deaf in his pleasure, maybe if he opened his eyes—

He can't open them. If he does, it's the end. If he sees you, messy, disheveled, tired and so beautiful, he won't be able to last any longer. If he takes one more peek of your body bouncing on top of him, of you using him to your pleasure—

"Kento—" You beg him first, your voice drenched with ecstasy and breaking.

Nanami can't resist such a melody. He snaps his eyes open as if under a spell.

Your name dies between slurred whimpers when his hold tightens, clawing its way into your skin, and Nanami, early, way too early, caves in to pleasure. Eyes plastered to your bouncing tum and his hands sinking in it, now determined to not miss anything if it's bound to happen anyway, he joins the stuttering rhythm of your hips, just on time to push you into orgasm. A few thrusts later, stirred by the tight spasming of your cunt, he follows suit with a loud, the loudest this night, groan.

For a moment, reality around slurs too, and when he regains control over his senses, Nanami finds you in his arms, nestled on top of him, sweaty and breathing heavy. He runs hand up and down your back, smiling at the feel of rolls and softness underneath.

Your body presses his tight—and yet again Nanami reasserts himself his life truly wouldn't be the same if cruel fate ever took this blessed feeling away from him.

"One more time?" He whispers, lips pressed to the crown of your head. "I'm not quite full of you yet, my love."

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badassindistress · 9 months

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do you perhaps have a pattern for that gentleman's corset? asking for a friend

Hi!

Unfortunately, I do not have a pattern to give you, but I do have a way for you/your friend to draft your own.

(If you really do just want a ready pattern, I'm pretty sure my #binding stays or #flattening stays tags include some etsy shops that have binders with corsetry methods)

I'm presuming you are here because that 5 year old post of the binder with elizabethan stays method is going around again (left). I've also since made a pair of stays that flatten nicely as well (right).

The left pattern was drafted with the free Custom Corset Pattern Generator from elizabethancostume.net. You just input a little extra breathing room in the waist and the bust measurement you can comfortably squish your chest down to.

However, that was many years ago and I have since had more success using a Mariah Pattie's circular drafting technique. It has so much less measuring and math and it gave me a better fit.

Here's my post on that technique, along with her video.

And here's my post amending that to a binder instead of stays.

In short, all you need is:

a large piece of paper

a string

a pen

a measuring tape and

the measurement of your waist circumference

the measurement of your chest bound down circumference

the measurement of the vertical distance between your waist and chest.

You draw out the pattern following the video + my explanation post (this takes me about 30 minutes vs the hour or two for drafting the usual way). Then I make it longer with a cm or two at the bottom and at least 3 cm on top. One change I've made since that post was to pinch out a little dart at the arms to make it lie smoother under clothes. One day I'm going to experiment with adding straps to this design, but today is not that day.

I kept mine quite low, because I wanted a 18th century round chested look, but with straps and longer stays you could probably go flatter (depending on how much you have to flatten of course).

This is what it looks like under a waistcoat tailored according to a menswear manual:

i'll also drop here the posts of other people who've I've talked about their binders using corsetry and tailoring methods: horsehair canvas summer binder, there's another one about how convenient ribbons are for easy adjustment but i can't find it (EDIT: found it!)

Good luck and do let me know if you've advanced this research any further!

#the stays are for a femme in historical gentleman's clothes looks #both are first tries #and fine for an afternoon #but not fitted enough to me for daily wear #but that's mostly because of my back issues #the chest compression bit is fine #this is as ever a work in progress #let me know if i need to explain some other things #i've been planning for about a year to draft a new pattern and collect all the information in one post #but again #not today #hope this helps!#binding stays #flattening stays #gentleman's corset

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j4ystar · 1 year

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attention, please! — park jay

➞ jay x f!reader

➞ highschool!au band!au

➞ synopsis : jay asks your best friend what your type is because he wants your attention

➞ fluff fluff fluff

➞ word count : 10k

➞ tw : mention of throwing up, if i missed anything pls lmk

ᓚᘏᗢ aj — this has been in my drafts for the longest time and i kept on restarting it BUT yea pls enjoy

jay thought that this indifference in attitude towards him was just you playing hard to get. until he scrambled his way to your best friends, desperate to find out what your deal was. why you weren’t batting an eye towards him, nor his friends. despite the invitations to the several parties being thrown, as well as the basketball games that he has invited you out to. the answer to all these tactical ways to start talking to you were thrown out the window. something was always seemingly coming up. though half of the time they weren’t even excuses to not go to said event, you were actually busy.

in a way, jay was angry. a bit upset at you, how you were so casual with him. jay was used to girls and boys alike, messaging him, flirting up a storm with him. jay didn’t have a problem with the attention per say. but when you, his nonchalant class president, didn’t bat an eye towards his sudden strikes of flirtation. an arrow shoots through his heart, though it feels more like a challenge when he feels the need to have your attention on him too.

so when jay finds himself walking to sunoo’s workplace, the convenience store down the street from jay’s apartment building. he stands in front of the store, kicking the gravel on the sidewalk. he swears to god that he is doing this for the sake of teasing you. that he just needed your eyes on him because it would take a toll on his pride if you didn’t.

sunoo stares at jay from inside the store. he makes a face, frowning with his brows furrowed as he wonders what the hell this guy is doing. was the store about to get robbed? sunoo uncrossed his arms and stood up, hands leaning onto the edge of the table.

“HEY! ARE YOU ROBBING THE STORE BECAUSE IF YOU ARE… WE HAVE CAMERAS AND I KNOW WHO YOU ARE JAY.”

jay flinches before shaking his head, not realizing the person he was searching for was already staring at him, and even worse, assuming that he was about to steal from the store. the dark haired boy stumbles through the door, the door jingling and sunoo is about to scream, feeling as though his suspicion is about to come true.

“why would you think i’m trying to steal from you?” jay questions him, beelining straight for the cash register at the end of the store while the aisles lay vertically. sunoo sits back down on his chair. squinting at the upperclassmen.

“because you were just standing there staring through the window. it was creepy.”

“i’m actually here looking for you.”

“oh? and what for?”

“what kinda guys does y/n like?”

there is an awkward silence between the two boys. sunoo looks down momentarily before raising his head to look up at jay again.

“who’s asking?”

“me!”

“... why? oh my god, do you like her? that’s actually insane–” sunoo begins laughing hysterically, thinking about the several ways that you would respond. he was betting on an incredibly disgusted face, or something more reactionary.

“no. i don’t like her man– whatever! just don’t say anything alright?” for a moment, sunoo feels bad for him. for one, you had never really talked about liking boys like jay, so realistically he had no chance in the first place. two, jay seemed sincere. but he knew otherwise than to trust someone like jay. he had heard so much talk about the way he had behaved and he knew you’d be absolutely repulsed with the way he acted. but the genuine look on his face seemed like this was something more than wanting to play around with you.

“i don’t know how to help you. the only person y/n has liked is the drummer from that one band that played at the school festival last year… uhhh what was their name? oh! kim jaehyun from class 3-C. they were together for a little bit last year but it didn’t really last long,” sunoo pauses, waiting to see what jay has to say. sunoo knew jay was the furthest thing from a musician, he was a big bulky athlete, and so he continues as he sees jay’s slightly dejected face “yeah.. from the look on your face i can tell you’re disappointed. so why don’t you drop this? there are plenty of girls out there to pester– HEY!”

jay is already leaving the store. his footsteps are heavy as he begins to fish his phone out of his pocket. he doesn’t know why he feels like he has something to prove. he can most definitely pull, he knows that. but he can most definitely pull you too. he did feel this stirring feeling in his stomach. he was treating this as if it were a game. and why was your heart the one that jay park was so eager to capture?

jay is quick to pull up jake’s contact page first. a couple of rings come through until jake groggily asks jay what’s up. jay rarely ever calls, it’s always a matter of texting the group chat whenever he has something to say. it also ends with him being seenzoned by all his friends.

“did you just wake up?” jay asks in disbelief, asking as if he hasn’t slept like a log after school.

“yeah what the hell do you need?” jay can hear jake shuffling around in his bed, followed by yawning.

“we need to start a band.”

—

the following day, jay begins to pick up his pace as he glances at his wrist watch momentarily. he was going to be late to first block yet again. the teacher already had something against jay and his tardiness, he knew coming in late would result in him kneeling outside the classroom with his hands up in the air. if it wasn’t his poor time management it would be his inability to wear his school uniform properly. it always had to be something, whether he accidentally left his name tag at home, or if he didn't button up his polo shirt correctly either.

he stares down the crosswalk lights, watching as students are already running into the school gates and past the security guards as well as the uniform teacher inspector who is stopping students every now and then. jay looks to his right, noticing a familiar head of hair.

you stand beside jay with a pair of headphones on, though you wear a nervous expression on your face as you’re watching the students get stopped by teachers for being late and for breaking the dress code. jay’s eyes flicker onto you and then onto other people. however he can’t help but think how cute you are as you slightly bounce your head to whatever song you are currently listening to. you weren’t wearing your usual uniform, the proper blazer was replaced with a light gray cotton sweater, you were still wearing the school button up and the skirt. you were also missing your name tag.

the green stop light flicks red, and the big red X indicating that pedestrians may not cross is now depicted a white silhouette of someone walking. the rush of other late students walk past jay, who is still staring at you. you walk with the rest of the teenagers, as if you were being swept away with a current of bodies that are rushing to get to school. jay begins walking too, eyes remaining on your walking figure ahead of his.

whilst the others are bolting it through the gates, trying to dodge the inspector. jay doesn’t lose sight of you among the other students. though he watches as you calmly walk past the inspector, attempting to play off the fact you weren’t wearing your name tag. the inspector recognizes you though, knowing you were an honour student, as well as a class president, the inspector flashes you a disappointed look before telling you to stand to the side with the other kids as he writes down your name on the paper attached to the clipboard. jay passes through inspection in a flash. he quickly unclasps his name tag from his blazer, stuffing it into his pant pocket before joining the line where other classmates of his. he joins you in holding your bag above your head, the punishment that the dress code inspector has instructed you to do. finally, you turn your head to meet jay. though your eyes avert up slightly, to look into his eyes.

jay feels his heartbeat quicken and he nearly drops his bag when he feels his knees buckle slightly from underneath him. he wants to say something, but he knows by the way your headphones can’t contain the volume of your music that you can’t hear him.

“your headphones are really loud. that’s bad for your ears.”

you remain stoic faced, furrowing your brows slightly before letting go of the bag above your head with one hand and coming to remove one headphone muff from off your ear to hear what he had said. you look at him with a slight expectancy. jay feels the heat rising to his cheeks as he awkwardly repeats what he said to you.

“i said your headphones are really loud, listening to music that loud is bad for your hearing.” he tells you. you give him a blank stare. “oh… yeah i know.” though that convinces you to remove your headphones fully and you pause your music.

“then why do you do it?” jay asks you. you look at him as if he had asked such a stupid question when you didn’t think of it in that way. “i don’t know.” you answer bluntly. you don’t really know to how answer that. “i think it just blurs out the rest of the world's noises.” you admit to him. jay looks down at you with a glint in his eye, yet he doesn’t know he is subconsciously starting to smile.

“do you not listen to music at a loud volume?”

“i do. but i’m more of a play it out loud type of person. or you know, blast my amp when i play guitar type of guy.” jay doesn’t know what’s coming out of his mouth, he most certainly plays guitar, though not in the way the band sunoo claims you like does. the rest of the school doesn’t know about his little hobby either, they only really know his athlete side.

jay averts his eyes to his shoes before they flick back to you. you have softened, become more calm and less tense around him. “you play?” jay presses his lips into a straight line. again, averting his eyes anywhere but your trained gaze. he nods and you crack a smile. jay thinks that sunoo wasn’t joking when he told him that you were into musicians. but then again, why would sunoo lie?

“cool. me too. i’m guessing you play electric?”

“i play both, but i enjoy the electric more.” you nod attentively, jay wants to keep talking to you but the inspector had begun his scolding towards the students irresponsibility for being both late and for breaking dress code. you hear jay snicker from beside you, wondering what he was laughing at, you crane your head to look at him with a questionable gaze. he nods to the inspectors toupee peeling off the side of his head and you nearly let out a loud snort before controlling yourself and letting out an stifled giggle instead. you and jay stand by each other giggling quietly to yourselves until the inspector finally finishes his lecture and lets you and your classmates leave to head to class.

jays arms ache, and while he thought you were waiting for him, he looks up to already see you far ahead of him, making your way up the school stairs and into the school's main doors.

—

“jay were you serious when you said you wanted to start a band?” jake questions his friend, jay and his friends spend their lunchtime outside on the field in front of the school. his friends and a couple other students play soccer together. jay sits by the benches on the perimeter of the grassy field with a drink in his hand. jay doesn’t really have any other extracurriculars other than soccer and basketball, but both those seasons were over already and spring was coming in hot.

jake takes jay’s silence as a yes and he slumps down beside him on the bench, he fans himself from all the heat his body garnered after running around like an excited dog for the past 15 minutes playing soccer.

“i mean i wouldn’t be opposed to it. you know i can play bass pretty well.” jake tells him. jay nods, knowing fully well he and his friends were able to pull it off. he had thought about it whilst laying in bed the night sunoo told him at the store.

“and sunghoon knows how to play the drums, heeseung could sing.” jake adds on.

“i mean if the others are down… count me in.”

jay spends the afternoon rounding up the members for his band. sunghoon was a bit skeptical at first, he had been trying to balance his figure skating outside of school, his studies and now the band was beginning to get a bit too much for him. however heeseung was just happy to be there. however, as jay began to expand more on why he wanted to start a band, sunghoon was beginning to warm up to the idea.

jay finds himself daydreaming in class already. if he hadn’t paid attention before, he certainly wasn’t paying any attention now. the following days consist of jay begging the music teacher to let them borrow the music room after school to practice, and jay enlists the help of jungwon, yet another honors roll student, to sign them up for the spring school festival. you were friends with jungwon because you were both on the student council. jay would’ve gone to you, but because he was late on signing the band up he feared that you wouldn’t even let them perform.

“your band is going to be opening for the senior class band. i’m sorry i couldn’t get you a full set. most of the spots had be taken up by other performances.” jungwon apologizes. as he was part of the student council that was responsible for the spring festival events, he was able to talk with the other performers to squeeze in jay’s band since they were late on signing up for the festival. it didn’t matter to jay, it’s not like he would be in the band for any longer than a year, it was something on the side, and plus it was to harness the attention of a certain person.

as if jay hadn’t struggled to talk to you enough, it didn’t help that you pretended he doesn’t even exist. does that little bonding moment in being late together not mean anything to you?! obviously it had meant a lot to jay because the moment of laughter together left feelings of swarming butterflies in his stomach every time he thought of it. usually this ended in himself pinching himself, any possible way to get him back to the real world because there was no way he was falling for you when it should be the other way around. he was the woman woo-er. and his plan to get you to finally fall for him was just so that he could look you in your face and say “i told you you’d fall for me” though realistically the amount of effort going into this truly meant he just wanted you to look at him and fall for him period. and to be fair, if you looked at him he would instantly crumble and shrivel from timidness.

jay’s train of thought gets cut off when three girls approach him at his desk. he pauses his song writing and closes his notebook almost immediately before looking up at the girls.

“we heard you signed up for the spring musical festival. we didn’t know you could sing and play guitar. that’s so cool.” gyuri has a way with sweet talk. her long dark hair cascades over her shoulders and her eyes twinkle as she maintains eye contact with jay. just past gyuri and her friends, the classroom door slides open and you and sunoo walk in. sunoo is talking about something whilst following you to your desk while you listen patiently to your friend.

“hello?”

jay gets up abruptly, flocking to your desk which was on the other side of the room near the back door. he stands to the side of your desk and sunoo stops speaking as he watches jay meander wordlessly. you turn towards your friend, wondering why he had stopped talking but sunoo is instead staring at jay with a blank expression on his face.

“my friends and I signed up for the spring festival.” he tells you, rocking from the balls of his feet to his heels. “could you please move, i can’t reach something in my desk.” you ask, jay apologizes, shuffling backwards as his hand comes to the back of his neck and he itches. sunoo sticks his tongue out teasingly towards jay but his sour expression quickly changes to a sweet smile when you rise up from checking the inside storage compartment of your desk.

“it’s really not here sunoo, i think i have to stop by the stationary store when he go home today to get a new one. gosh that is so annoying, i won’t have that much money from my allowance anymore.” you frown. jay’s face contorts to that of concern. “what are you looking for? i can help you find it.” he suggests. giving you a soft smile.

“it’s just my name tag. i think i lost it.” you tell him dismissively. your hand swatting the air as you’re ready to walk off. “and i heard, word gets around if you hadn’t noticed.” you motion to the three girls that are giving jay the stank eye for ignoring them.

—

“hey, you’re coming to get food with us after school right?” heeseung questions. watching as jay places his indoor shoes in his respective cubby. “yeah, but you guys can go on ahead, I have to go to the store quickly.” he tell him. heeseung nods before the end of the day bell rings throughout the halls and kids begin flocking out their classrooms and flooding the halls, eager to get out of the school.

jay walks to the nearest stationary store, walking up to the front counter with long and quick strides.

“hi there, what can i do for you?” an old man asks him, recognizably he was owner of the store that jay had been going to when he ordered his other name tags throughout the years of his schooling.

“i’m looking to order a new name tag.” jay says, searching for his wallet out of his bag.

“of course. what’s the name?” he asks. jay is busy rummaging through his bag to hear the jingle door opening behind him. you recognize jay by his voice but his back is towards you when you emerge through the door.

“it’s [y/f/n].”

“can you write that on this slip of paper. it’ll be done in just a few minutes.” he kindly tells jay. jay nods, taking the paper and writing your name on it. you cheeks grow flushed as you realize the act of kindness jay was doing for you. you can’t decipher the reason for your heart's rapid beating. part of you was thinking you were just hearing things. jay could’ve said another name similar to yours. yet what are the chances this similar named person also lost their nametag and needed a replacement. afraid he would see you, you leave the store in a hurry. grabbing sunoo by the wrist and dragging him far away from the store and beginning the trip to your neighborhood.

jay hears the jingle of the door this time, and he turns around expecting someone to be there yet he finds no one except for the door closing on its own. a chill runs down his spine before he swishes around to proceed with the payment of the name tag. within a few minutes, the name tag is put into a small mesh drawstring bag and handed to him. to which, he stores in his pocket. he thanks the owner before leaving the store and beginning to make his way to the restaurant where his friends were eating.

—

jay has never felt more embarrassed in his life. he has no reason to be embarrassed. but all the eyes on him, for once in his life, he can’t stand the staring. classmates watch the interaction between you two. jay hadn’t expected a hoard of students to enter the classroom at the exact moment he started to converse with you. the pair of eyes he’s always wanted on him are now staring at him and he can feel the slight wobble in his knees.

“jay?” you call his name and it brings him out of a trance.

“everyone’s staring, what are you doing?” you scan over your classmate, wondering if he was feeling sick. but you had a feeling you knew why he had approached you in the first place. jay places the pink mesh drawstring bag on your desk quickly and he looks as if he is about to implode, his ears have become so red that he simultaneously looks like he had a violent allergic reaction to something as well. the both of you can feel the pressure from the several students watching, and the whispering that was so obviously about you and jay caused you both to turn absolutely red.

“you told me you lost your nametag so i got you another one.” he tells you quickly. you don’t really know what to tell him except the pounding beating of your heart can tell it all. jay’s hand rests momentarily on the edge of your desk, though he fears that if he takes his hand off your desk, a sweat imprint of his hand would be left behind and jay becomes queasy at the thought so he retracts his hand quickly and wipes him on his jacket.

you grab the small bag and pull the nametag out. inspecting it before clipping it onto your blazer. jay doesn’t miss the way you smile softly up at him. he can’t help but smile down at you too. you forget for a second that everyone’s eyes are on you.

“thanks jay. is there any way i could repay you?”

“come watch me and my friends open for the spring festival?”

—

it was one little favorable way of repaying jay. that was the only thing you had to do. just watch him and his friends open the show. it couldn’t be that bad. not bad in a way that they were going to be bad. but bad in a way where you had to stop yourself and watch yourself from catching any feelings.

though jay had been so kind to you lately. you were always a self-guiding hand to yourself though. always quick to stay away from relationships and boys like him more importantly. you knew how others perceived him. while you heard about the way he would treat girls, something about the jay that was being so respectful to you made you assume that he was adapting, either that or he was genuinely a changed person.

it’s not like you didn’t know that his band was performing, you didn’t even know he had a band until sunoo showed you a new advertisement poster for the spring festival that include a new band that you hadn’t heard of. turns out, it was jay’s band.

you were mostly attending the festival because sunoo loved going to them, not to mention your little delusional “crush” on that upperclassmen drummer who played in the school festivals all the time. you weren’t entirely delusional, you knew you had no intention in seeking a relationship with him anyway, it was just a fun way to stay grounded. you had crushes like this all time, little minor infatuation flicks with people you thought were cute.

you were so good at ignoring jay at first. ignoring him was easy, he was barely in class in the beginning of the semester, either that or he was constantly sleeping. you would never know why he started trying to talk to you. it started with asking you about homework that he had missed, to asking you if you were going to parties that you weren’t even invited to, not that you really cared. to asking you if you were going to sports games. admittedly, you knew why girls would fall at his feet, he was attractive.

but you were extremely stubborn, you were guarded, that’s just the way you usually were. people only really came to know you as this high achieving honors student that was conveniently the class president. everyone was tense around you, everyone walked on eggshells around you because obviously as someone who would study constantly you would never have time to go out right?

for the longest time, you learned how to be independent, how to protect yourself from disappointment. even if that meant setting up impenetrable walls. of course the little sunshine sunoo had used a pogo stick to jump over said walls. and now jay park. the little weirdo comparable to the jehovah’s witness people that would come to your door every day. somehow jay had pried his way into your heart. perhaps he had scaled the walls.

after several accounts of rejection to his offers, which you come to soon realize were offers that didn’t make you feel like an outsider to the rest of your classmates which you had ultimately rejected because of your fear. when you had accepted his invitation to watch his band open for the spring festival. it almost didn’t feel like a favour.

—

“you’ve written a song already? i’m surprised you’re so invested in this band thing.” sunghoon scans over the chicken scratch notes scribbled down as jake and jay’s “sheet music”.

“dude… are you in love with someone? these lyrics are about wanting someone’s attention.” heeseung laughs. jay turns to his friends, jungwon sits on the bleachers by the side of the music room with an amused smile. jake lets out a snort. fingers turning his bass guitars tuning keys. “isn’t it obvious. he wants yn’s attention.”

“that’s not what the songs about!” jay defends himself. the familiar feeling of heating resurfacing to his face. “oh yeah? then what’s it about?” heeseung smirks. jake wiggles his eyebrow at his friend as sunghoon lets out a holler. “all this effort just for a girls attention. looks like we have to do this so jay gets a girlfriend.” heeseung lets out a joking sigh.

“i don’t want her to be my girlfriend, i just want her to fall for me.” jay admits aloud. frustrated that his friends just were getting it. his friends halt their laughter as they look at him with doting stares. they all look at one another, sharing the same type of communicating look “… because you fell for her too, right?”

feeling as if he had to sit down after standing up abruptly. jay recalls all his signs of attraction. he doesn’t believe in love at first sight, though he does believe in attraction at first sight. when had jay first laid eyes on you? it must’ve been the grade 10 open house. upon being introduced to their home room classes, jay saw you. no drastic changes since then. you are a little shorter than you were now. sunoo was still your very best friend among those days, he often wondered how you came to know the boy. did it date back to when you guys were still in middle school? elementary even? he wondered how sunoo was the only person allowed in your personal circle after distancing yourself from everyone.

when going out with his girlfriend at the time, jay had spotted you waiting at the bus stop alone at night. you were still in your school uniform but you looked tired, or it could’ve been the poor lighting of the street lamps illuminating sides of the road that casted dark circles upon your eyes. the next day at school, he noticed you weren’t there and had grown concerned that perhaps you hadn’t returned home last night. he overhears sunoo talking to his other friends at the canteen during lunchtime that you had just fallen ill and he is glad nothing had happened to you.

jay and his friends walk into the convenience store that sunoo works at and there you are sitting behind the counter with sunoo. he notices you’re preoccupied with your homework, though he can’t help but notice the way you twirl your pencil in one hand whilst tilting your head to the side, as if looking at it from another angle would help you understand it better. he thinks it’s cute.

if he was already feeling his stomach twist and turn before talking to you in any instances in the past, then seeing you now would definitely have his stomach folding in on itself. he wants to hit himself for not being the smooth talking jerk he was when trying to talk to other girls.

you were no better. sunoo is busy retagging items to be put on the shelves. you are sitting behind the cash register counter with your face hot and red, leaning back on an office chair with your arms crossed over your body.

“when i walked into the stationary store i overheard him ordering the name tag for me.” you tell sunoo, your hands come to your face. hiding the blush bleeding onto your cheeks. “dense much.” your friend says, your brows furrow at the blonde headed boy, neck nearly snapping as you stare daggers into the side of his head.

“how am i dense?”

“he obviously likes you. how far has he gone for other girls? sure, paid meals are one thing but being as thoughtful as ordering a name tag so you don’t have to go through the hassle? he’s making your life easier for you.” it surprised you with how much sunoo knew about this type of stuff, to your best knowledge, sunoo had never been in a relationship. you gawk slightly at his thought process.

“so, do you like him back?”

–

you quickened your pace, hoping to make it on time to the music room to see if jay was still there practicing. you hold two apple juices in your hands before. curses for whoever made the school so incredibly long because why were you running a whole 3km race just to get to the room you wanted.

by the time your hand reaches out for the door frame of the music room, the door slides open and jay walks out, almost body checking you with his guitar bag barely missing your face. you don’t know why your breathing so heavily, it was just a very fast paced walk from across the school. jay wisps around to apologize to the random person he almost hit. though his mouth contorts open, nothing comes out when he sees you standing there a bit frazzled.

“sorry, almost hit you there.” jay apologizes, not stopping himself from smiling as he looks at you. his eyes glaze over you.

“i was looking for you.” you completely ignore what he says, not really caring if he had smacked you with his guitar or not. your words has his mind racing and his stomach doing teeny flips.

“are you alright?” now it’s your turn to simply melt at his words. you want to scold yourself and tell yourself to get it together. your knees turn wobbly and for a moment you lose your balance but you catch yourself, jay’s arm juts forward at your flinching and this small gesture has you looking between his arm and his face. god, his handsome face. it was so punchable and some days you wanted to do just that.

“i’m fine, i’m just here to say thank you, again.” when jay looks at you, he doesn’t see the uptight class president that presents herself to everybody. he’s grateful for your thankfulness, but he doesn’t want a thank you. he wants you. but for now, he’ll just have to keep it in, at least until the festival. he retracts his hand but before he does you shove the apple juice drink into his hand. the mere feeling of your fingers brushing against his even for just the split second leaves tingles that don’t subside until he watches you turn your back on him and begin speed walking away.

“you’re falling for me, aren’t you?” your steps falter, wondering if he had really just said that. jay doesn’t believe it himself. you don’t really know how to respond but jay begins walking to come up beside you with a cheeky smile.

“you’d like that, wouldn’t you?” your eyes fail to meet his, you’re scared you might actually fall, quite literally, this time.

“i wouldn’t be opposed to it, no.” jay cracks open the apple juice drink and begins drinking from it.

“how’d you know i liked this drink?”

“i didn’t know, it’s just my favourite drink.” wrong, sunoo told you what drink jay comes in to buy the most. you weren’t necessarily lying when you told him it was your favourite drink either.

“oh my gosh, we’re meant to be.” jays cheeks hurt from smiling, he knows he’s going to go home and lay in his bed all night thinking about this. “yeah right. just because we like the same drink?”

“meant to be.” he says in a sing-song way. this makes you laugh. jay likes it when you laugh. he likes it when he makes you laugh. not really a sight he sees often, but he’s glad he’s one of the people that can evoke such a happy emotion from you.

when you two reach the front gates of the school, you expect to part ways with jay, considering he would always walk the opposite way from you. but when he stands there wondering why you were just staring at him, he tilts his head slightly.

“you think i’m letting you walk home alone?”

“go home jay.” you smile softly. jay shakes his head, he chews on his bottom lip and your eyes don’t leave them. “you can walk me to that lamppost over there.” you point towards an old lamppost two blocks away and jay takes that over nothing. the walk there is painstakingly slow. though within those two blocks you two talk, and laugh, make banter. jay almost doesn’t want to make it to the lamppost because he knows he’ll have to leave you. you’re thinking the same thing. you weren’t that paranoid about walking alone in the night but having jay there, someone to talk to, helped you feel at ease. jay liked being with you, he liked when he was around you. and not in the way where his hands would feel sweaty.

“how about that lamppost instead?”

and this continued until you got home. you stood a fair distance away from your house. the chilling night air was nipping at jay’s face now, but that was alright.

“ok it 's really time for you to go home now.” you tell him. his smile drops and he frowns exaggeratingly.

“thank you, again.” you finish. you look so good to him. whether it be in any type of lighting it doesn’t matter. jay catches himself as he feels himself leaning forward, though he plays it off as if he was just rocking back and forth on his feet. you don’t seem to notice though.

“you probably owe me another apple drink tomorrow.” he tells you. you can’t tell if he’s joking or not but you’re ready to come to school prepared with a bulk case of the drink if he really wants it.

“get home safe, alright?”

jay watches you exit into your house and then he begins his traverse back home. thinking about everything that had just happened. now that he had begun to realize his feelings for you, the feelings were beginning to hit him like a ton of bricks. he couldn’t stop his heart from racing. his mind was constantly flooded with memories of you tonight.

–

a suspectedly good night was spoiled with a mere text from someone you had least expected.

3 notifications from kimjaehyun

kimjaehyun

hey yn

we havent talked in a while…

are you dating park jay?

the member of the band you had a tiny little crush on had texted you. not that you really had a crush on him anymore. something happened between the two of you last year after the spring festival. just a small situationship that didn’t work out. for upperclassmen, kim jaehyun was immature. everyone said that teenage boys were stupid but you hadn’t realiize, this stupid.

you scrambled to turn off your read receipts to see if jaehyun had really said what he said. not even a hello? or a hi?

y/f/n

no… why do you ask?

you bite at your nails awaiting his response. shutting off your phone you feel as if you were still a younger version of yourself throwing your phone across the room in fear of what his response was. after a few minutes you hear the ping of your phone. followed by another few more pings. wondering if he was just texting you a bunch, you climbed off your bed and sat on the rug opening your phone to see.

2 new notifications from kimjaehyun

parkjay sent you a friend request

you click on jaehyun’s texts first. why was he wondering if you were dating jay?

kimjaehyun

oh thats a relief

can we talk after school tomorrow?

–

you wait inside jaehyuns empty classroom alone. wondering where he is. two bottles of the apple juice drink jay likes reside in the opened bag beside your desk. you wonder what jaehyun has to say. especially after the way you two drifted apart and ended things last year.

jaehyun steps into the classroom, wandering eyes searching for you. kim jaehyun has not changed since you last saw him, you rarely see him around considering he is in his last year now and has classes on the uppermost third floor where all the seniors are. his light brown hair lays untouched and shaggy, he was still sporting the mullet he has had since his first year. and he still smiled the same. striking you in your heart.

“what did you need to talk to me about?” you ask, wanting to get to point. you had told jay that you were doing something. you told him you were dropping by the music room to drop something off.

“as you know, my band and i are performing during the spring festival. our set was cut short because of the addition of jays band. i was wondering if you could give us back our set time by.. i don’t know, maybe getting rid of their performance altogether?” he flashes you a grin. how you used to perceive him with such adoration and respect but that had just been thrown out the window.

“your band can’t hog the entire night, jaehyun.” you tell him, irritatedly wanting to get out and leave the classroom already. “it wouldn’t be fair to them either.” jaehyun’s grin falls at your words. his arms cross together as he places them on your desk and gives you a pout. your brow twitches. still the same old, immature, jaehyun.

“don’t give me that face, they’re only doing one song and opening for you. you’re being selfish. if that’s all then we’re done here.” you tell him, grabbing your bag off the floor and getting up from the desk. jaehyun stands up in unison to you.

“wait no don’t go, that’s not all,” jaehyun blurts out. you had already reached the door and was about to step out the classroom. you’re tempted to hear whatever he has to say out.

“i’ve been thinking about you lately.” your back is still facing him. you shake your head and wonder if his words are laced with sincerity. you haven’t thought about jaehyun in a while. he was the one exception to your “no people allowed through” rule. and upon breaking that, he caused an aftermath of chaos and emotions for you. you try to ignore his statement as you leave the classroom, shutting the door in the process and making your way out the school instead. you forget all about the plans of heading to see jay. jaehyun’s request had turned your mood a whole 180.

when you arrive home, you open your phone to see messages from both jay and jaehyun. jaehyun has been thinking about you lately. what the hell does that even mean? why does his relapse in feelings come around the same time the two of you were talking last year. safe to say, sunoo receives a call that night. and he appears at your front door with snacks and face masks.

parkjay

wya?

wheres my apple drink :((

u didn’t stop by

r u ok?

kimjaehyun

i hope i didnt scare u bc of the sudden confession

but i was honest w what i said

you don’t respond to jaehyun after that. only leaving him on delivered. you respond to jay though. mustering up some lame excuse as to why you couldn’t stop by. something about your parents asking you to come home. jay had bought the excuse, following up with a couple of texts asking if it was anything serious. sunoo sleeps over that night as well. the two of you falling asleep in the middle of a drama series, and waking up the following saturday morning forgetting which episode you left off on.

–

jay grows more irritated as the week leading up to the spring festival arrives. advertisement for the spring festival was put up all over the school. announcements were made of the several bands and dance groups performing. a lot of student made stalls were being set up in the front lawn already. jay was being asked by several students everyday about his band. despite only playing one song, groups of girls and boys have already made it known to him that they were attending just for his band and that they were excited.

you pry jay to let you hear the song that they are going to be performing, you even ask jungwon to give you a little sneak peak of it as well. upon hearing that it was an original song written by jay, your fascination grows.

“c’mon let me hear it.” you and jay are walking along the front quad during lunch. jay started inviting you to watch him and his friends play soccer. even inviting sunoo to join them in their games to which he accepted out of competitiveness.

“no no no no. you’re gonna have to wait just like everyone else.” you hand him one of the apple drinks. the drinks have become a staple in your everyday routine except you both alternate giving each other the drinks instead. half of the time it’s sunoo letting you rob the store and take drinks for free because he knows you’re trying to save money.

“plus, i’m kinda nervous to show you.” he says, looking down and staring at the pavement. you scoff. “if you’re nervous in front of me what makes you think that you can perform in front of all these students?” jay wasn’t scared of performing in front of crowds, he has done it before but in a different sense, in basketball he has performed in large gyms in front of a lot of people. he wasn’t nervous in front of people, he was nervous in front of you. and for good reason. you played the guitar, he wanted to impress you.

“hey yn!”

you and jay turn your heads in unison. jaehyun stands a few feet away with a hand in his blazer pocket and one waving at you. jay’s eyes fixed on the unknown guys name tag. he thinks back to the time sunoo told him this was the guy you had eyes on during last years spring festival. jay’s eyes fall back onto you, you grin fell into that of an unknown expression. jaehyun approaches you two and you plaster a fake smile in greeting him.

“jaehyun, hi.” followed with a curt nod, jaehyun doesn’t really look his age. he looks older. he’s about the same height as jay. but he notices the fleeting glint in jaehyun’s eye as he looks at you. he notices the smirk playing on his lips. but he takes the most notice in your disengagement in the conversation with him. almost straying away from jaehyun as he approaches. you move towards jay, but he’s all too familiar with that look you’re now giving him. jaehyun’s playful guise drops as his eyes follow yours, landing on jay.

“you must be jay.”

jaehyun was the so-called ex sunoo mentioned to him the first time he asked about you. jay doesn’t quite know what to say to jaehyun. but from the way he felt as though jaehyun was coming onto you again. jay felt uneasy. he wanted to say something to get you out of the situation, taking into account the disturbed look you had on your face.

“yeah, jaehyun right?” jaehyun nods. “you’re opening for us the night of the festival right? man, i did not expect you guys to start a band at all. i only really thought you played sports.” he says, a hand coming to his hair, combing it back to get it out of his face yet his bangs still topple over his forehead. jay doesn’t really know how to respond to that.

“i guess i just have other talents to show.” he shrugs. jay wonders what you found attractive with this guy. were you into his face? did you like his hair? should jay start growing out his hair for a mullet too? he wouldn’t be opposed to a short mullet. or perhaps it was just because he could play the drums. jay could play the drums too. albeit, not better than sunghoon but he can definitely learn if that’s what you wanted.

“i’m looking forward to the festival jay, i’ll see you two around.”

jaehyun begins walking away and you let out a deep breath. “that was weird.” jay comments. turning to you and checking if you were alright. “me and jaehyun used to date.” you tell him quietly. jay hears you perfectly fine though. he was well aware you had some kind of crush on jaehyun, but dating was something he never really thought of because you were just so closed off. at the thought of someone else being able to swipe you off your feet, jay grew kind of cold and a chill ran through his body. he wonders why you decide to tell him right now.

“i’m sorry i just had to tell you because he talked to me for the first time in a year last friday. and he was being a jerk, and that ruined my mood because i was so excited to go and see you but then no, he had to ruin everything and then i went home and cried into my pillow.” you tuck your hair behind your ear, looking down at your shoes. you don’t know why you’re being so emotional, especially out in the open. jaehyun kind of scares you. and watching jay and jaehyun first meet was like two worlds colliding for you. you feared that jaehyun was going to do something that would hurt jay’s feelings to make it look bad on you despite you not doing anything in that sort of way.

jay’s hands came to either side of your arms and held you straight. you looked up and he almost felt his heart tear slightly when he saw the tears springing from your eyes. “why are you sorry? you didn’t do anything wrong.” he consoles you. his hands are arm against your blazer. you’re not sure what complex you to hug jay first, he doesn’t expect it either. here you are, in the middle of the school quad hugging jay because you didn’t want to show your startled tears to anyone. you also didn’t want jay to know that him telling you that you shouldn’t be sorry for something that wasn’t your fault, affected you this much.

jay’s hands travel to your back while you hug him. unbeknownst to him, it had gone unnoticed that his heart was hammering against his chest. and you, being the neighbor to his heart right now could hear it thumping. “it’s unfortunate he made you upset. i can beat him up for you.” you laughed at his suggestion as you pulled away from him. you felt all warm inside. you played it off as your endorphins fucking up your body but lets be honest, you really knew why you were warm.

“yeah okay sure. you can try.” even in tears with puffy under eyes you still look absolutely stunning to jay.

“what?! i totally could. have you seen me?”

–

the night of the festival, students were sent home early to get ready while others stayed at school to keep working on their stalls. other students volunteered to run games and other fun stands. the stage was set up for the performers and the groups were just going through dress rehearsals and practices. there were many firsts for jay, but this was the first time he would be performing a literal call for attention to a girl that he really likes, that he’s not 100% sure likes him in front of a lot of students so yeah, a lot of firsts for jay!

“you look like you’re about to throw up.” jake tells jay who stares at himself menacingly in the bathroom mirror. sunghoon and heeseung take a few hefty steps away from jay who looks pale. “what are the chances that yn doesn’t even get the point of the song? i think that would be hilarious.” sunghoon asks. fixing his hair in the mirror.

“don’t say that.” jungwon comes walking out of the bathroom stall in some casual clothes. he flattens his shirt out with his palms and slides in between jake and jay in need of the sink. “she’ll understand. i’m pretty sure. as if the lyrics weren’t obvious enough.”

“‘standing at the crosswalk, i can’t move an inch’ i think it’s cute.” jungwon says while reciting the lyrics jay was so shy about showing his friends. jungwon moves away from the sink, grabbing a paper towel to dry his hands. “you think everything is cute, jungwon.” sunghoon says rolling his eyes jokingly. “i don’t think you’re cute.” jungwon says in a matter-of-factly tone. sunghoon mimics him with his tongue sticking out and jungwon does the same in return. the other three boys roll their eyes in response to their childishness.

“are you going to dedicate the song to her like all those cheesy romance movies?” questions heeseung.

“no… should i be?” jay questions, at first he was opposed to it. but if that’s what his friends think he should be doing then maybe he should do it? jake and heeseung shake their heads ‘no’ with distasteful expressions on their faces. “i think you should just leave it up to her interpretation. like how literature teachers make you do it.” jake inputs. jay leans against the wall of the washroom now. staring at himself and then his friends. sunghoon and jungwon continue to joke around with each other.

“there’s a possibility she would just leave and then boom, i’m heartbroken. or she would come find me backstage and happily ever after.”

“why are you thinking so negatively? this isn’t like you man. you always work hard to get what you want. you threw away all those nasty habits of playing around with girls. yn literally changed you and now you’re scared?” jungwon asks, pausing his playful fighting with sunghoon to lecture jay. jungwon was right, jay’s friends nodded in agreement. jay was never one to back down from a challenge, and he rarely ever let things get to his head, not in the way this dilemma did.

“i think i’m just scared of fucking things up with her. i really like her.”

“that’s what we thought. if you really like her you wouldn’t give up on her. no chickening out.”

by the time you and sunoo arrived, a lot of students were in the quad. some playing the carnival games that were set up. some were eating the food that students were responsible for serving. music was playing from the stage, but the concerts didn’t start until 8pm, it was only 7:30.

sunoo proceeded to drag you around, though you were just searching around for any sight of a dark haired guitarist. sunoo tried to shake the nerves off you too, knowing full well you were just here because of said guitarist. it ended up working because for the next 30 minutes, you were preoccupied with the large amounts of food sunoo ordered, as well as the games. even after playing for all that time, you and sunoo were not very lucky with anything that include throwing, catching or shooting. leaving you empty handed from the plethora of plushies that the game vendors were offering.

“don’t be upset, sunoo, i’ll ask jay to win me a couple and you can have some.” you tell your friend, he laughs before checking the time on his phone. “jay is gonna be going up soon, we should go to get a good spot for the show.” sunoo tells you. you nod, letting him lead the way. sunoo finds a spot not too crowded with people and he claims the area as yours. while waiting you take your phone out to see if anyone has texted you.

2 new notifications from parkjay

parkjay

hey are you already at school?

when u see this can u come meet me at the right backstage stairs a few mins before the show starts?

your heart flutters and you tell sunoo you’re going to use the washroom really quickly. sunoo tells you to hurry before the crowd gets any bigger because he doesn’t want you getting lost. you tell him you’ll be quick and you fleetingly speed walk your way to the right hand stage stairs where jay said to meet.

you round the front of the stage and find jay sitting on the stairs while looking straight ahead. he looks nervous and he fidgets with his fingers before ultimately deciding to stand up but you say something before he gets a chance to leave.

“did i keep you waiting?” you ask, jay whips his head around and his features soften when he see’s you. he awe’s at your outfit, finding your fashion sense impeccable. something else that he likes about you. jay shakes his head before he steps down a few more flights of stairs and smiles down at you. you meet him at the bottom while he still stands a few steps higher, making him look over you.

“i didn’t see your text until earlier. me and sunoo were preoccupied with the carnival games and we lost track of time. we didn’t even win anything but we lost a bunch of money.” you tell him laughing. your story makes jay chuckle. “talking to you makes my nerves go away.” he tells you honestly. you’re hoping the sun is setting quick enough to hide the red tinge creeping from your neck to your ears.

“don’t be nervous, i know you’re gonna do great.” you tell him. you reach for his hand and he lets you take it with no hesitation. you tug jay down a step lightly, he’s only a bit taller than you now. you feel yourself shaking, hoping it’s not obvious with the way your hand tremors slightly. jay seems to understand as he bends down, your lightly glossed lips meet his cheek, leaving a red-ish tint to his cheek. jay stands up straight after you retract from him and you give him a small shy smile.

“good luck!”

–

the concert begins shortly after you return to your spot where sunoo is busy taking pictures with the beautiful sunset lighting in the background. the concert announcer blaring through the speakers bring an influx of students to the grassy field where the concert is taking place.

you watch as the host of the concert takes a place in the middle of the stage and begins introducing jay’s band. you hear students screaming and cheering left and right before the lights dim down and jay walks out with his members. it really was as if you were at a concert because jay and his friends had fans around the school. girls and boys liked them a lot, so when they appeared it had the audience screaming.

“this is an original song.. dedicated to someone really special to me. so, enjoy everyone.”

the lights change into that of a red and orange colour, though there is a spotlight placed onto each of the members and then the song begins.

you had to admit that jay really was a talented person. from sports to playing guitar, to even his voice. you were a fan of music. and jay looked great on the stage. heeseung and jay’s voice had a lot of screams from the audience and it frightened you a little bit. but sunoo was beginning to piece together the lyrics of the song instead of jumping around with joy like the other students that were watching. he looked towards you, you seemed to be enjoying yourself as well. you were happy and smiling.

you begin to really listen to the lyrics of the song. wanting attention, panic, standing at the crosswalk. you didn’t want to believe that this song was about you. but at this rate, who else was it about. you were the only person the entirety of the school has seen with jay other than his friends for the past two months and it was unavoidable. you would’ve felt terrible if the song was for someone else and you had kissed jay on the cheek prior to the performance. there was no denying it. you had your attention on jay.

sunoo realizes that it had clicked in your head. you can barely hear your thoughts with the volume of the concert and the singing voices of the other boys. you never take your eyes off jay though. he wasn’t looking at you at the time but his eyes scanned over the crowd frantically whilst he strummed his guitar. he was looking for you. when he finally found you, you were already looking at him. he couldn’t decipher the look on your face but you were smiling at him. your smile was contagious, jay couldn’t help but smile as he sang.

as the song came to a close, you left earlier than most of the crowd. sunoo followed you out of the mosh pit of students. jay is the first person off the stage when the song ends. his eyes never left yours until the end and when he sees you bolting towards the right stairwell to the stage he knows he has to meet you there.

when you reach the stairs, jay is already on the last steps and his sweaty palms are back, his heart is ramming against his chest yet again and the butterflies in his stomach are basically a rampaging zoo at this point. you almost pounce on jay when you see him. wanting to hit him, yet kiss in at the meaningful gesture. you bury your face into his chest and he rocks you side to side as he envelops you in a hug.

“you wrote that for me?” you ask, wanting reassurance, that this was real, that his feelings were real, that you were the one. “if it was about someone else i wouldn't be hugging you right now.” jay tells you. you lift your head to look up at him and his hands come to your cheeks. jay pulls you in and pushes his lips to yours. he parts from your lips, foreheads still touching before you two erupt into laughter.

“i really, really, really like you yn.”

“i really, really, really like you too jay.”

DONE WAHAHHAOOOO

2K notes · View notes

worldsover · 5 months

Note

Will we ever get a sequel for Heejin's birthday fic? Just asking btw

Sorry. I am allergic to completing tasks to 100%. For example, as I mentioned in its author notes, there was never even meant to be a sequel since this was supposed to be one story, but instead I posted the incomplete version because the alternative was no story for her birthday. That being said, I do at least have a bit more written, so the same thing applies here: it's unfinished, but at least it's something?

✦✧✦✧✦✧

Heejin Birthday Fic cont.

~2.5k words, incomplete draft of the continuation to Transcendence/Pareidolia ft. Heejin

This wasn't fun. Well, it's a little fun. All the games the two of you play.

The best/worst part are all the videos she sends. She starts with the typical: eating an ice cream cone, having cream drip on her fingers; covering herself with oil and rubbing it over her entire body; holding a vibrator to her clit, waiting for your text about what position you want her in; showing her sopping pussy from various angles, and you can tell exactly which angle she sent you and why.

And then her videos get dirtier. There's Heejin on a vertical video, sitting on her bed, dildo deep inside her pussy, just talking. She talks about how she imagines your cock sliding in and out of her pussy, ramming her g-spot and fucking her senseless, while your fingers rub her clit and your mouth suck her tits. You would fill her up with your cum, dripping out of her pussy, down her legs. Then she would get the taste of your cock as she cleans it with her mouth, and how the cum mixing with her juices would taste even better as she slurps it all up. Heejin has a gift for describing things with vivid detail. You never realized just how eloquent her tongue could be. You can't wait until it's on yours again.

There are the times you meet and end up making out and nearly fucking, but you manage to stop. You keep each other on the brink. Sometimes you want to rip each other's clothes off and ravage the other right then and there, and your hearts would race at the thought of all the consequences and dangers involved with doing it outside. But you had to be patient; you were the one who suggested waiting, after all.

But the weeks pass, and you grow restless. You can't wait to claim Heejin as yours, in the most intimate way possible.

And finally, October 19 arrives.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

The restaurant is a small, cozy establishment, with warm lighting and ambient music. You and Heejin are dressed in semi-formal attire, and you admire how beautiful she looks in her black dress, with a slit up the thigh that shows off her perfect legs. You're both a little giddy with anticipation. You feel like it's Christmas, ready to open the ultimate present, even if she's the birthday girl here.

As you sit at the table, Heejin's phone lights up with birthday messages from her friends, and you can't help but wonder what they would think if they knew about you two.

"Wow, you're popular."

She giggles. "I know, it's silly. But, it's kinda sweet."

You take a sip of water. "You know, Heejin, it's been fun, these last couple of weeks, edging. I've never gone this long."

Heejin scoffs. "You're one to talk. It's been hell for me."

"I believe you."

You start to eat your food. The flavors are rich and savory, and the portions are generous. The two of you chat about the usual stuff, like work and your family and the newest set of anime coming out, but no matter how you try, you can't resist being glued to her every touch. Her finger absentmindedly twirls around a strand of hair. Her thighs shift in her seat. A napkin wipes the side of her mouth. The candlelight, and the warmth of the establishment makes her glow, and you're hopelessly under her spell.

Of course, her heel brushing against your inner thigh doesn't help.

"You seem tense," she says.

"Great observation."

"You know, for some reason, I don't feel that full, even after all I ate."

"You wanna go to another restaurant or something?"

Heejin rolls her eyes. "That's not what I'm hungry for."

Your mouth rounds to a circle.

She rubs her heel on your pants. "What?"

You throw the napkin on the table and stand up. "Excuse me, I have to use the restroom."

Heejin bites her lip as you walk away. You enter the bathroom. It's its own individual room, fancy and well-kept. You walk up to the sink and splash cold water on your face, sighing.

You use the toilet. Then, you use your phone to find the nearest hotel and its nearest vacancy. Can't even wait to bring her home. You text her your plan for the night.

Seems even that is too much waiting. A knock. She texts you back.

> open the door.

You gulp. You do, and Heejin steps in, her breathing erratic, her smile mischievous. She pulls you by your tie for a kiss, shoving you against the door. Your tongue and hers are tangling, and you reach for her breast. Your knee is lifting her skirt, and she's grinding against it.

"Heejin," you say, "we gotta, we gotta go somewhere else."

"I can kneel here." And she does just that. "We can make this quick."

She unbuckles your pants and frees your cock, your limp-cock instantly hard in the warmth of her mouth, instantly in the back of her throat.

"Heejin, no, wait, we were saving..."

Pop. "Oh, what, like you don't wanna blow your load down my throat and cum all over my tits and face?"

She's pumping, her fingers slick and tight around your shaft, your cockhead rubbing against her face. She sucks on your balls.

"I bet you'd absolutely ruin this fucking dress with your load."

In the next five minutes, Heejin proceeds to slather your cock in her spit while sucking you down with best blowjob you've ever received. Her lips and tongue are tight, and the heat of her mouth and the vacuum of her suction feels so divine around your cock. And her moans, oh, fuck, how you missed her moans around your shaft. The vibrations tickle your skin and your nerves. You're thankful for the door and the weight of your body preventing the two of you from collapsing, because the pleasure is making your knees weak. And if that wasn't enough, Heejin is relentless in her dirty talk and her sucking.

"God, your cock is fucking amazing. I wanna drink your cum forever. I wish you could shoot your cum deep in my pussy, fill me up. I can't wait to get your cock in my cunt."

She bobs faster, deeper, sucking more intensely. You're about to burst. She knows. Heejin reaches between your legs and squeezes your balls.

Then, she pulls back. Pop. "So, where's the hotel?"

✦✧✦✧✦✧

You pay for your meals, and then you're on the way to the hotel. It's a short taxi ride away, and the two of you keep your hands to yourself.

Once you're in the elevator, you hold Heejin's waist, and she faces you, giggling.

"What?" you ask.

"Nothing," she says. "Just… happy."

You lean down to kiss her. "Have I told you enough that you're the prettiest girl on the planet?"

"A couple times." She kisses back. "I don't mind you telling me more."

You brush strands of hair away from her face. She puts her hands on your face. Your hand slides up her waist to cup her cheek. She runs her thumb across your bottom lip.

Ding. The elevator doors open, and you step into the hallway. Your room is a few steps down, and you unlock the door.

It's a basic suite, and you don't waste time, dropping your stuff, locking the door, and moving to the bed, pushing Heejin down and kneeling to her height.

She giggles. "Gotta catch up, huh?"

You slide her shoes off her feet, then your own. Then, you slip your hands under her dress and hook a finger on her panties, moving them down her legs. All the while, she takes off your suit jacket and undoes your belt. You move Heejin's panties completely off her ankles. They're soaked. She lies down on the bed.

Your cock is throbbing, but you can't stop staring at the view.

She blushes. "N-no, no more edging. Please. I need to cum, so, so fucking bad. I need you in me, right fucking now."

You swallow. "Don't worry. I'll be inside you soon enough. Just, lemme get a good look of your body first."

Heejin smiles. "My body, huh? What, what's so special about it?"

"Everything."

You're on top of Heejin now, caressing her face.

"Everything," you repeat. You lower your head. "Especially your eyes." You lower your head again. "And your lips." You kiss them. "And your neck." You kiss. She moans. You continue kissing downwards, licking along her collarbone, nibbling on the side of her throat, biting her shoulder. Then you lick the valley between her breasts, pull down the neckline of her dress, and lick circles on her nipples. You hike up the hem of dres to reach a hand to her pussy. "And, this." You rub her lips.

She moans. "What… about that?"

You crawl lower, your face between her legs. You spread her lips, already wet, and you stick your tongue inside her hole. "The prettiest pussy I've ever seen." You lick up her slit.

Heejin grabs your hair and pulls you. "I'm sorry, but I can't wait anymore. Fuck me."

You wipe your mouth. "Yeah, yeah, sorry."

"Just… put it in me already."

You get on your knees and rub your cockhead against Heejin's lips, smearing pre-cum. You rub it around her clit, and she shudders, whimpering.

Heejin pushes on your chest. "Wait, hold on, sit up. I wanna watch. Please. Your cock… entering me. I can't wait to see it."

You nod. Heejin sits up too. You grab Heejin's thighs and spread them. Your cockhead rubs against Heejin's entrance again.

"Holy shit, holy shit," she says.

You lick your lips. You push your cock into Heejin's hole, and your head is swimming in her heat, her wetness. Her pussy is already sucking you in, and Heejin is already moaning, and her whole body is already trembling.

"Shit, Heejin, you're already going to cum?"

She nods. "Yes! I'm sorry, it's just, you're finally, finally inside me. I've dreamed about this, so many times, and now it's happening."

"Me too. It's fine, it's fine." You pull back, and then you thrust again, a bit deeper, and Heejin shudders again. "Holy shit."

You pump slowly, Heejin moaning louder and louder, her pussy squeezing you tighter and tighter. Your grip on her thighs is tight, and you push her down, burying your cock deeper. Her back arches, and you start thrusting faster. You grunt. Heejin's pussy is milking your cock, sucking you deeper, and you're pounding her cunt, her moans and your grunts filling the room, until she lets out a scream, a high-pitched, satisfied noise, and her walls are convulsing. And just as you said, you empty your load deep inside her, rope after rope, a thick batch of semen pooling in her hole and leaking past your shaft.

"Holy… shit," she says. Heejin's trying to catch her breath. She looks up at you, a slight smirk on her face. "You're still hard, right?"

You look down. You're still hard.

Even though her legs writhe and her toes curl, she fucks herself into your shaft, covering it in more and more cream.

"Fucking, hell, Heejin, just like that?" You clench your jaw.

"Yeah. Yeah, we just started. I love watching you pump your cock in and out of my pussy, seeing it get all sloppy."

You chuckle. "Slut."

"For you." She wraps her legs around your waist, her arms around your back. "Wreck me."

You can do nothing but comply. Heejin's eyes roll back, her lips tremble, and her nails dig into your back, and you fuck her, you fuck Heejin, hard. Using your own creampie as lube, your cock plunges and slams inside Heejin's pussy, over and over. You pick her up from the bed and pound into her as you carry her around the room, making loud wet slaps fill the air. Then, you set her down on the desk, gripping her shoulders, and the room shakes with your thrusts.

Heejin screams and babbles. You're about to cum again already, and so is she. You love her expression, like she's completely drunk to your cock as she loses herself to the pleasure of it stuffing her, pushing your first creampie out just to fill her up again. You're sure she can feel your heartbeat from how far your cock is in her womb. You slow down, then you pull out. Heejin's pussy is drooling cum, and she lies flat on the desk. Your head is so light that you only just now realize you're still cumming, so you jack off onto her body, mainly covering her dress in cum, though some of it reaches her chin. Heejin promptly licks that clean.

"Why," she says. "Why'd you stop? You're, you're still hard. Please."

"Turn around. Get on your hands and knees."

She obeys. "Yes, sir," she says, and you like the way she says that.

You grab Heejin's waist, and then you slam into her pussy. Your pace is just as brutal as when you started the night. Turns out that edging for weeks, then cumming inside a woman's tight pussy, then pulling out and painting her in your cum is more than enough to keep your cock rock hard, and Heejin is more than eager to have your cock pounding her hole as many times as you want.

After the fourth round, your fifth climax, Heejin is a mess on the bed, and so is your cock. It's covered in her cum and your cum and some of her saliva, and her tongue is lazily circling your cockhead while she rests her head on your thighs.

"Do you, do you want to keep going?"

Heejin nods. "Why? Are you tired?"

"I mean, I'm pretty sure I have another few in me. But my abs are killing me."

"Oh yeah? You should try doing planks."

"The way you do them? Yeah, ri—" You're interrupted when Heejin climbs up your body and grabs your cock. You flinch. "No, wait, wait, wait. Wait, Heejin."

"Are you afraid?"

You gulp. "Very."

"I promise it won't hurt. It'll be fun."

When Heejin says it, you believe her. "Fine. Go for it."

Heejin grins. "Awesome." As she positions herself over your shaft, the creampie you filled her with starts to leak onto your stomach, and she holds your cock to point it up towards her hole. She lowers her pussy, and your cock enters her again. She rides you, holding your cock by the base so that the entire time, you feel the entirety of her tunnel envelop you, and your cum is squishing all over her insides.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

If I do get around to finishing the story, I will probably delete this and the initial version of Transcendence, post the full version instead. Big if.

#asks #anon #loona smut #kpop smut #reader insert #male reader #artms smut

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mostlysignssomeportents · 6 months

Text

In defense of bureaucratic competence

Sure, sometimes it really does make sense to do your own research. There's times when you really do need to take personal responsibility for the way things are going. But there's limits. We live in a highly technical world, in which hundreds of esoteric, potentially lethal factors impinge on your life every day.

You can't "do your own research" to figure out whether all that stuff is safe and sound. Sure, you might be able to figure out whether a contractor's assurances about a new steel joist for your ceiling are credible, but after you do that, are you also going to independently audit the software in your car's antilock brakes?

How about the nutritional claims on your food and the sanitary conditions in the industrial kitchen it came out of? If those turn out to be inadequate, are you going to be able to validate the medical advice you get in the ER when you show up at 3AM with cholera? While you're trying to figure out the #HIPAAWaiver they stuck in your hand on the way in?

40 years ago, Ronald Reagan declared war on "the administrative state," and "government bureaucrats" have been the favored bogeyman of the American right ever since. Even if Steve Bannon hasn't managed to get you to froth about the "Deep State," there's a good chance that you've griped about red tape from time to time.

Not without reason, mind you. The fact that the government can make good rules doesn't mean it will. When we redid our kitchen this year, the city inspector added a bunch of arbitrary electrical outlets to the contractor's plans in places where neither we, nor any future owner, will every need them.

But the answer to bad regulation isn't no regulation. During the same kitchen reno, our contractor discovered that at some earlier time, someone had installed our kitchen windows without the accompanying vapor-barriers. In the decades since, the entire structure of our kitchen walls had rotted out. Not only was the entire front of our house one good earthquake away from collapsing – there were two half rotted verticals supporting the whole thing – but replacing the rotted walls added more than $10k to the project.

In other words, the problem isn't too much regulation, it's the wrong regulation. I want our city inspectors to make sure that contractors install vapor barriers, but to not demand superfluous electrical outlets.

Which raises the question: where do regulations come from? How do we get them right?

Regulation is, first and foremost, a truth-seeking exercise. There will never be one obvious answer to any sufficiently technical question. "Should this window have a vapor barrier?" is actually a complex question, needing to account for different window designs, different kinds of barriers, etc.

To make a regulation, regulators ask experts to weigh in. At the federal level, expert agencies like the DoT or the FCC or HHS will hold a "Notice of Inquiry," which is a way to say, "Hey, should we do something about this? If so, what should we do?"

Anyone can weigh in on these: independent technical experts, academics, large companies, lobbyists, industry associations, members of the public, hobbyist groups, and swivel-eyed loons. This produces a record from which the regulator crafts a draft regulation, which is published in something called a "Notice of Proposed Rulemaking."

The NPRM process looks a lot like the NOI process: the regulator publishes the rule, the public weighs in for a couple of rounds of comments, and the regulator then makes the rule (this is the federal process; state regulation and local ordinances vary, but they follow a similar template of collecting info, making a proposal, collecting feedback and finalizing the proposal).

These truth-seeking exercises need good input. Even very competent regulators won't know everything, and even the strongest theoretical foundation needs some evidence from the field. It's one thing to say, "Here's how your antilock braking software should work," but you also need to hear from mechanics who service cars, manufacturers, infosec specialists and drivers.

These people will disagree with each other, for good reasons and for bad ones. Some will be sincere but wrong. Some will want to make sure that their products or services are required – or that their competitors' products and services are prohibited.

It's the regulator's job to sort through these claims. But they don't have to go it alone: in an ideal world, the wrong people will be corrected by other parties in the docket, who will back up their claims with evidence.

So when the FCC proposes a Net Neutrality rule, the monopoly telcos and cable operators will pile in and insist that this is technically impossible, that there is no way to operate a functional ISP if the network management can't discriminate against traffic that is less profitable to the carrier. Now, this unity of perspective might reflect a bedrock truth ("Net Neutrality can't work") or a monopolists' convenient lie ("Net Neutrality is less profitable for us").

In a competitive market, there'd be lots of counterclaims with evidence from rivals: "Of course Net Neutrality is feasible, and here are our server logs to prove it!" But in a monopolized markets, those counterclaims come from micro-scale ISPs, or academics, or activists, or subscribers. These counterclaims are easy to dismiss ("what do you know about supporting 100 million users?"). That's doubly true when the regulator is motivated to give the monopolists what they want – either because they are hoping for a job in the industry after they quit government service, or because they came out of industry and plan to go back to it.

To make things worse, when an industry is heavily concentrated, it's easy for members of the ruling cartel – and their backers in government – to claim that the only people who truly understand the industry are its top insiders. Seen in that light, putting an industry veteran in charge of the industry's regulator isn't corrupt – it's sensible.

All of this leads to regulatory capture – when a regulator starts defending an industry from the public interest, instead of defending the public from the industry. The term "regulatory capture" has a checkered history. It comes out of a bizarre, far-right Chicago School ideology called "Public Choice Theory," whose goal is to eliminate regulation, not fix it.

In Public Choice Theory, the biggest companies in an industry have the strongest interest in capturing the regulator, and they will work harder – and have more resources – than anyone else, be they members of the public, workers, or smaller rivals. This inevitably leads to capture, where the state becomes an arm of the dominant companies, wielded by them to prevent competition:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/06/05/regulatory-capture/

This is regulatory nihilism. It supposes that the only reason you weren't killed by your dinner, or your antilock brakes, or your collapsing roof, is that you just got lucky – and not because we have actual, good, sound regulations that use evidence to protect us from the endless lethal risks we face. These nihilists suppose that making good regulation is either a myth – like ancient Egyptian sorcery – or a lost art – like the secret to embalming Pharaohs.

But it's clearly possible to make good regulations – especially if you don't allow companies to form monopolies or cartels. What's more, failing to make public regulations isn't the same as getting rid of regulation. In the absence of public regulation, we get private regulation, run by companies themselves.

Think of Amazon. For decades, the DoJ and FTC sat idly by while Amazon assembled and fortified its monopoly. Today, Amazon is the de facto e-commerce regulator. The company charges its independent sellers 45-51% in junk fees to sell on the platform, including $31b/year in "advertising" to determine who gets top billing in your searches. Vendors raise their Amazon prices in order to stay profitable in the face of these massive fees, and if they don't raise their prices at every other store and site, Amazon downranks them to oblivion, putting them out of business.

This is the crux of the FTC's case against Amazon: that they are picking winners and setting prices across the entire economy, including at every other retailer:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/25/greedflation/#commissar-bezos

The same is true for Google/Facebook, who decide which news and views you encounter; for Apple/Google, who decide which apps you can use, and so on. The choice is never "government regulation" or "no regulation" – it's always "government regulation" or "corporate regulation." You either live by rules made in public by democratically accountable bureaucrats, or rules made in private by shareholder-accountable executives.

You just can't solve this by "voting with your wallet." Think about the problem of robocalls. Nobody likes these spam calls, and worse, they're a vector for all kinds of fraud. Robocalls are mostly a problem with federation. The phone system is a network-of-networks, and your carrier is interconnected with carriers all over the world, sometimes through intermediaries that make it hard to know which network a call originates on.

Some of these carriers are spam-friendly. They make money by selling access to spammers and scammers. Others don't like spam, but they have lax or inadequate security measures to prevent robocalls. Others will simply be targets of opportunity: so large and well-resourced that they are irresistible to bad actors, who continuously probe their defenses and exploit overlooked flaws, which are quickly patched.

To stem the robocall tide, your phone company will have to block calls from bad actors, put sloppy or lazy carriers on notice to shape up or face blocks, and also tell the difference between good companies and bad ones.

There's no way you can figure this out on your own. How can you know whether your carrier is doing a good job at this? And even if your carrier wants to do this, only the largest, most powerful companies can manage it. Rogue carriers won't give a damn if some tiny micro-phone-company threatens them with a block if they don't shape up.

This is something that a large, powerful government agency is best suited to addressing. And thankfully, we have such an agency. Two years ago, the FCC demanded that phone companies submit plans for "robocall mitigation." Now, it's taking action:

https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2023/10/telcos-filed-blank-robocall-plans-with-fcc-and-got-away-with-it-for-2-years/

Specifically, the FCC has identified carriers – in the US and abroad – with deficient plans. Some of these plans are very deficient. National Cloud Communications of Texas sent the FCC a Windows Printer Test Page. Evernex (Pakistan) sent the FCC its "taxpayer profile inquiry" from a Pakistani state website. Viettel (Vietnam) sent in a slide presentation entitled "Making Smart Cities Vision a Reality." Canada's Humbolt VoIP sent an "indiscernible object." DomainerSuite submitted a blank sheet of paper scrawled with the word "NOTHING."

The FCC has now notified these carriers – and others with less egregious but still deficient submissions – that they have 14 days to fix this or they'll be cut off from the US telephone network.

This is a problem you don't fix with your wallet, but with your ballot. Effective, public-interest-motivated FCC regulators are a political choice. Trump appointed the cartoonishly evil Ajit Pai to run the FCC, and he oversaw a program of neglect and malice. Pai – a former Verizon lawyer – dismantled Net Neutrality after receiving millions of obviously fraudulent comments from stolen identities, lying about it, and then obstructing the NY Attorney General's investigation into the matter:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/08/31/and-drown-it/#starve-the-beast

The Biden administration has a much better FCC – though not as good as it could be, thanks to Biden hanging Gigi Sohn out to dry in the face of a homophobic smear campaign that ultimately led one of the best qualified nominees for FCC commissioner to walk away from the process:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/15/useful-idiotsuseful-idiots/#unrequited-love

Notwithstanding the tragic loss of Sohn's leadership in this vital agency, Biden's FCC – and its action on robocalls – illustrates the value of elections won with ballots, not wallets.

Self-regulation without state regulation inevitably devolves into farce. We're a quarter of a century into the commercial internet and the US still doesn't have a modern federal privacy law. The closest we've come is a disclosure rule, where companies can make up any policy they want, provided they describe it to you.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out how to cheat on this regulation. It's so simple, even a Meta lawyer can figure it out – which is why the Meta Quest VR headset has a privacy policy isn't merely awful, but long.

It will take you five hours to read the whole document and discover how badly you're being screwed. Go ahead, "do your own research":

https://foundation.mozilla.org/en/privacynotincluded/articles/annual-creep-o-meter/

The answer to bad regulation is good regulation, and the answer to incompetent regulators is competent ones. As Michael Lewis's Fifth Risk (published after Trump filled the administrative agencies with bootlickers, sociopaths and crooks) documented, these jobs demand competence:

https://memex.craphound.com/2018/11/27/the-fifth-risk-michael-lewis-explains-how-the-deep-state-is-just-nerds-versus-grifters/

For example, Lewis describes how a Washington State nuclear waste facility created as part of the Manhattan Project endangers the Columbia River, the source of 8 million Americans' drinking water. The nuclear waste cleanup is projected to take 100 years and cost 100 billion dollars. With stakes that high, we need competent bureaucrats overseeing the job.

The hacky conservative jokes comparing every government agency to the DMV are not descriptive so much as prescriptive. By slashing funding, imposing miserable working conditions, and demonizing the people who show up for work anyway, neoliberals have chased away many good people, and hamstrung those who stayed.

One of the most inspiring parts of the Biden administration is the large number of extremely competent, extremely principled agency personnel he appointed, and the speed and competence they've brought to their roles, to the great benefit of the American public:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/18/administrative-competence/#i-know-stuff

But leaders can only do so much – they also need staff. 40 years of attacks on US state capacity has left the administrative state in tatters, stretched paper-thin. In an excellent article, Noah Smith describes how a starveling American bureaucracy costs the American public a fortune:

https://www.noahpinion.blog/p/america-needs-a-bigger-better-bureaucracy

Even stripped of people and expertise, the US government still needs to get stuff done, so it outsources to nonprofits and consultancies. These are the source of much of the expense and delay in public projects. Take NYC's Second Avenue subway, a notoriously overbudget and late subway extension – "the most expensive mile of subway ever built." Consultants amounted to 20% of its costs, double what France or Italy would have spent. The MTA used to employ 1,600 project managers. Now it has 124 of them, overseeing $20b worth of projects. They hand that money to consultants, and even if they have the expertise to oversee the consultants' spending, they are stretched too thin to do a good job of it:

https://slate.com/business/2023/02/subway-costs-us-europe-public-transit-funds.html

When a public agency lacks competence, it ends up costing the public more. States with highly expert Departments of Transport order better projects, which need fewer changes, which adds up to massive costs savings and superior roads:

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=4522676

Other gaps in US regulation are plugged by nonprofits and citizen groups. Environmental rules like NEPA rely on the public to identify and object to environmental risks in public projects, from solar plants to new apartment complexes. NEPA and its state equivalents empower private actors to sue developers to block projects, even if they satisfy all environmental regulations, leading to years of expensive delay.

The answer to this isn't to dismantle environmental regulations – it's to create a robust expert bureaucracy that can enforce them instead of relying on NIMBYs. This is called "ministerial approval" – when skilled government workers oversee environmental compliance. Predictably, NIMBYs hate ministerial approval.

Which is not to say that there aren't problems with trusting public enforcers to ensure that big companies are following the law. Regulatory capture is real, and the more concentrated an industry is, the greater the risk of capture. We are living in a moment of shocking market concentration, thanks to 40 years of under-regulation:

https://www.openmarketsinstitute.org/learn/monopoly-by-the-numbers

Remember that five-hour privacy policy for a Meta VR headset? One answer to these eye-glazing garbage novellas presented as "privacy policies" is to simply ban certain privacy-invading activities. That way, you can skip the policy, knowing that clicking "I agree" won't expose you to undue risk.

This is the approach that Bennett Cyphers and I argue for in our EFF white-paper, "Privacy Without Monopoly":

https://www.eff.org/wp/interoperability-and-privacy

After all, even the companies that claim to be good for privacy aren't actually very good for privacy. Apple blocked Facebook from spying on iPhone owners, then sneakily turned on their own mass surveillance system, and lied about it:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/14/luxury-surveillance/#liar-liar

But as the European experiment with the GDPR has shown, public administrators can't be trusted to have the final word on privacy, because of regulatory capture. Big Tech companies like Google, Apple and Facebook pretend to be headquartered in corporate crime havens like Ireland and Luxembourg, where the regulators decline to enforce the law:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/15/finnegans-snooze/#dirty-old-town

It's only because of the GPDR has a private right of action – the right of individuals to sue to enforce their rights – that we're finally seeing the beginning of the end of commercial surveillance in Europe:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2022/07/americans-deserve-more-current-american-data-privacy-protection-act

It's true that NIMBYs can abuse private rights of action, bringing bad faith cases to slow or halt good projects. But just as the answer to bad regulations is good ones, so too is the answer to bad private rights of action good ones. SLAPP laws have shown us how to balance vexatious litigation with the public interest:

https://www.rcfp.org/resources/anti-slapp-laws/

We must get over our reflexive cynicism towards public administration. In my book The Internet Con, I lay out a set of public policy proposals for dismantling Big Tech and putting users back in charge of their digital lives:

https://www.versobooks.com/products/3035-the-internet-con

The most common objection I've heard since publishing the book is, "Sure, Big Tech has enshittified everything great about the internet, but how can we trust the government to fix it?"

We've been conditioned to think that lawmakers are too old, too calcified and too corrupt, to grasp the technical nuances required to regulate the internet. But just because Congress isn't made up of computer scientists, it doesn't mean that they can't pass good laws relating to computers. Congress isn't full of microbiologists, but we still manage to have safe drinking water (most of the time).

You can't just "do the research" or "vote with your wallet" to fix the internet. Bad laws – like the DMCA, which bans most kinds of reverse engineering – can land you in prison just for reconfiguring your own devices to serve you, rather than the shareholders of the companies that made them. You can't fix that yourself – you need a responsive, good, expert, capable government to fix it.

We can have that kind of government. It'll take some doing, because these questions are intrinsically hard to get right even without monopolies trying to capture their regulators. Even a president as flawed as Biden can be pushed into nominating good administrative personnel and taking decisive, progressive action:

https://doctorow.medium.com/joe-biden-is-headed-to-a-uaw-picket-line-in-detroit-f80bd0b372ab?sk=f3abdfd3f26d2f615ad9d2f1839bcc07

Biden may not be doing enough to suit your taste. I'm certainly furious with aspects of his presidency. The point isn't to lionize Biden – it's to point out that even very flawed leaders can be pushed into producing benefit for the American people. Think of how much more we can get if we don't give up on politics but instead demand even better leaders.

My next novel is The Lost Cause, coming out on November 14. It's about a generation of people who've grown up under good government – a historically unprecedented presidency that has passed the laws and made the policies we'll need to save our species and planet from the climate emergency:

https://us.macmillan.com/books/9781250865939/the-lost-cause

The action opens after the pendulum has swung back, with a new far-right presidency and an insurgency led by white nationalist militias and their offshore backers – seagoing anarcho-capitalist billionaires.

In the book, these forces figure out how to turn good regulations against the people they were meant to help. They file hundreds of simultaneous environmental challenges to refugee housing projects across the country, blocking the infill building that is providing homes for the people whose homes have been burned up in wildfires, washed away in floods, or rendered uninhabitable by drought.

I don't want to spoil the book here, but it shows how the protagonists pursue a multipronged defense, mixing direct action, civil disobedience, mass protest, court challenges and political pressure to fight back. What they don't do is give up on state capacity. When the state is corrupted by wreckers, they claw back control, rather than giving up on the idea of a competent and benevolent public system.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/23/getting-stuff-done/#praxis

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astralnymphh · 4 months

Text

tumblr doesn't let me edit asks in my drafts anymore for some odd reason 😭 meaning I'll have to do those on computer which is less convenient, but uhh yeah! working on salvo project today and adding in some high!ellie content to it since you guys seem to love my one high!ellie blurb about her lazily strapping you.. so.. her lazily eating you out? hehh?? huhh?? I think yes.

I can just imagine her asking you to, "sit on m'face.. uhuh.." in her groggy, heavy tone while hovering her hands vertically as if you were already mounted atop her face, and when you actually do shuffle on her and let her get down to business, she legit relies on the bump of her nose to do most of the magic— eating out your pussy lip rather than your actual hole 💀oh and passes out under you just as the orgasm begins to fluctuate deliciously. high!gamer!ellie has me in a puasy chokehold rn. could go write a more detailed blurb but I'll snip it off right here for now.

wyd when you look down n see ellie like this

(first img is mine butt i forgor second source)

#ellie williams #⤹𓍢ִ໋aestras thoughts #⋆' upcoming #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams smut #ellie tlou #lesbian #sapphic #ellie x reader #ellie williams x fem!reader #ellie williams headcanons #ellie williams blurb #ellie williams drabble #high!ellie #gamer!ellie

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kazvha · 18 days

Text

FIRST TIME LYING ON HIM

Including: The one and only, Mr. Kayden Break

Notes: Some scrap I wrote few months ago. Posting this before it rots away in my drafts or I accidentally delete it🤙🏾😅

Kayden's been lying on the couch, reading a book.

"Can I?" You motioned your hand to his lap and he nodded. "Come here." And he didn't need to say it twice before you crawled onto him and laid your head against his chest.

...

"I'm not too heavy am I?"

"As light as a feather. What do you think I'm training for?"

"...Right."

He could tell that you were still nervous because of your tense body language.

"Relax. Just think of it like you're hugging me. Just not vertically but horizontally."

"Kayden, what are you talking about?" Your tense body relaxed against his as you became engrossed in your usual silly conversation.

"Forget it.", Kayden grinned, happy that you were not nervous anymore.

His fingers were like brushes treating your skin like a blank canvas. They languidly began to draw small stars onto your forearm.

You adjusted your head so that your ear would be exactly above his beating heart. Something was calming about hearing his steady heartbeat, though it skipped every time you moved a little. It was nice to know that only you had that effect on him.

You felt a pair of lips against your temple, so you glanced up at Kayden.

"This is nice. It's criminal that we didn't think of doing this sooner."

#not me spelling lying wrong and nobody of y'all correcting me smh :(#eleceed x reader #eleceed #eleceed x you #eleceed x y/n #kayden break x reader #kayden x reader #kayden break #eleceed webtoon #webtoon headcanons #webtoon x reader #webtoon #manhwa x reader

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