#Twice Ever in my life have i used real life money to buy a fictional currency for pretend items. the second time was to make a slot

[cozylittleartblog]

i got an alien aisha from a fountain faerie quest 🥺 i named her cosmica...

#neopets #alien aisha #aisha #cats #art #neopets fanart #nostalgia #y2k #doodles #Twice Ever in my life have i used real life money to buy a fictional currency for pretend items. the second time was to make a slot #just so i could make and paint a brand new neopet bc all my free slots were full. best $5 i ever spent #now her name is not exactly cosmica but i don't want people finding my account. but also i need you to know i got reeeaaallly lucky #with the name. its hard to brag about the name without giving away the exact name asdfjklsdf #i have three fucking aishas. i like the cats ok #there are lots of pets i would like to own in theory but pet slots are limited and i don't want to buy another one #unless they release a really really cute color for the vandagyre. then i will make. ONE more

[agustdakasuga]

Between The Bloodshed | Chapter 5

 Genre: Mafia!AU, Angst, Romance, Fluff

Pairing: OT7 x Reader

Characters: Doctor!Reader, Gangster!Namjoon, Gangster!Seokjin, Gangster!Yoongi, Gangster!Hoseok, Gangster!Jimin, Gangster!Taehyung, Gangster!Jungkook

Summary: Being a freelance doctor, this was just supposed to be any other job, helping a private client and taking care of him through his recovery. But you were not expecting to get caught in something so much darker that would change your life entirely.

The boys decided to try and do something ‘normal’ to take your mind off whatever happened. All they can hope is to silently convince you to stay with them and not leave. 

Warning: This story is fictional and has nothing to do with real life events or the actual members of BTS. It may contain depictions of violence, blood shed/ gore and mentions of abuse. Please read at your own discretion.

After that whole fiasco, you were sent to your room to rest. Instead of sleeping, you laid sprawled out on the ground, turning ever so often to watch Kookie hop around, wiggling his nose at you. 

“Kookie.” You called. The rabbit’s ears twitched slightly, maybe a signal that it was listening to you, even if it wasn’t facing you. 

“What’s going to happen to you if I leave?” You groaned. If you left the family, you could only laugh at what kind of ‘bunny-sitting’ arrangement you would have with Jungkook. Maybe you have him on weekdays while Jungkook has him on weekends or the opposite. 

“(y/n)?” 

“Hey, Hoseok.” You lifted a hand. 

“Are you... okay?” Hoseok tilted his head as he bent down slightly. You gave him a thumbs up, making him chuckle. 

“I’m going out to run some errands with the maknaes. Would you like to come along? Just to get some fresh air or something.” Hoseok invited with a hum. You thought about it. 

“Give me 10 minutes.” You said. 

“Take as long as you need. We’ll be at the foyer.” Hoseok laughed and closed the door. You pushed yourself to stand up. The first thing you did was put Kookie in his cage and make sure he had everything he needed while you were away. After that, you went to wash your face and change into some outing clothes, a sweater with a skater skirt and white Doc Martens.

“I always feel underdressed when you guys dress all fancy.” You sighed as you came down. 

“You’re fine.” Jungkook patted your shoulder. Jimin nodded in agreement, reaching out to pat your head. The 5 of you headed out. They all decided to drive their own cars this time. 

“Wanna ride with me?” Jimin asked as he put his sunglasses on. (Imagine 2019 Grammys Jimin)

“If you treasure your life, don’t.” Taehyung said from behind you. Jimin glared at his best friend, kicking his shin. 

“Kookie would want you to sit with me.” Jungkook nudged your side. Now you were the one glaring at him, knowing that he was only using Kookie to try and trick you into riding in his car. Hoseok scoffed with a roll of his eyes. You decided to sit in Taehyung’s car. 

“Uhh...” He blinked in shock. 

“Tough luck, fellas.” Taehyung shrugged as he jogged over to the driver’s side, slipping in. You were already belted in, typing away on your phone. Taehyung clicked his tongue, putting his seatbelt on. 

“Ready?” 

“As I’ll ever be.” You replied. Taehyung raised his eyebrows, starting the engine. It roared to life. 

“What errands we running?” You asked. 

“We’ve got some stuff to pick up at the mall. Yoongi hyung wanted us to grab some groceries for a barbecue dinner.” He informed, not taking his eyes off the road. You nodded with a soft hum. Another revving engine made you turn your head out the window. Jimin was on your left and Jungkook was on your right, both purposefully revving their engines as a challenge. 

“Hang on.” Taehyung mumbled. Your hands could only grip your seatbelt as Jimin gave Taehyung a teasing wave, his car inching forward. Jungkook straight up gave the finger. 

“It’s a race they want.” Taehyung gripped the steering wheel. The car lurched forward, revving loudly. 

“This is how dumb people die.” You scowled. 

“Live a little.” Taehyung smirked. That was when you realised that Hoseok wasn’t involved in this little race. Maybe he was the only mature one to not participate in such dangerous-

“No one is crazy enough to challenge Hobi hyung. It only leads to humiliation.” Taehyung replied, as if he heard your thoughts out loud. 

“We’re here.” Taehyung pulled into the parking lot. 

“Rematch!” Jungkook growled as he came out. Taehyung stuck his tongue out at the youngest. Jimin rolled his eyes, slinging an arm around your shoulders to leave the two. Hoseok was already there, waiting.

“Took you long enough.” He scoffed. 

“Told you.” Taehyung whispered as he walked past you. You shook your head before following them. This wasn’t some ordinary mall, it was a higher end mall with only luxury item shops. You’ve only been here twice, with your parents. The first place you visited was the Gucci store. 

“Good afternoon, sirs and madam.” The staff bowed deeply as the manager stepped out to greet the 4 boys. You blinked, standing there quietly. The entire store had been cleared out. 

“Please, take your time to peruse while I prepare your items.” The manager bowed as he disappeared. Jimin and Taehyung headed to the shelf. 

“You look lost.” Jungkook snickered. 

“When Hoseok said you guys were running errands, I wasn’t exactly picturing this.” You shrugged, sitting down on one of the armchairs. Jungkook sat in the other chair next to yours, typing away on his phone. 

“Mr Kim, Mr Jung.” The manager came back. Taehyung and Hoseok went to the counter to inspect their items while Jungkook continued to sit with you and Jimin browsed the shelves, carrying the different bags. He looked at himself in the mirror. Jimin was good looking no matter what he carried. He seemed conflicted on which bag to buy. 

“We can come back for it later, hyung.” Jungkook yawned. Hoseok and Taehyung handed their cards to the manager and it was time to move on. 

“Did you guys bring me on this errand run just to prove that you have money?” You raised an eyebrow with crossed arms when you arrived outside a Louis Vuitton store. 

“That wasn’t our intention, (y/n).” Hoseok said, frowning slightly. 

“I’m kidding, Hobi.” You chuckled. 

“Hobi?” 

“Oh... my bad. Taehyung was calling you that while talking to me and it just came out.” You rubbed the back of your neck as you walked in through the double doors of the store with him. 

“No, I like it. Call me Hobi.” He grinned. You laughed but nodded your head. Once again, the store had been cleared out for the group. The staff treated the boys like they were royalty, offering champagne, an assortment of sweets and escorting them to the private viewing room. 

“Ring this up for me.” Jungkook handed the manager a duffel bag that he spotted on the way to the room. The manager, with gloved hands, received it with a bow. 

“I’ve never seen anyone shop like this.” You commented. 

“Don’t you always work with rich clients?” Jimin asked as the 5 of you took your seats.

“Yeah but they’re mostly really old and bedridden or kids that don’t know their right foot from their left.” You face palmed. The boys laughed, all of them sipping their champagne, except for Taehyung who opted for some fancy tea instead. You watched as they had their own items, disappearing into the changing rooms to try them on. 

“Excuse me?” Someone tapped your shoulder. You turned around to see one of the female store clerks. 

“Can I ask who you are? The 7 members have been coming here for a while and this is the first time I see someone with them.” She asked. You frowned slightly, giving her a weird look. 

“Does it matter... who I am?” You tilted your head. 

“I mean, you obviously don’t look to be on the same level as them... So I was just wondering.” 

“Well, you’re right, I’m not on the same level as them. I’m actually above them.” You smiled innocently. She blinked at you before stifling a laugh, as if you cracked a joke. 

“Are you just an employee?” She giggled. 

“She’s right, you know? She actually has the power to kill us if she wanted to.” Someone slung their arm around your shoulders. The girl’s eyes widened as she came face to face with Jimin. But this time, instead of a smile, Jimin had a stoic look on his face. The girl grew flustered.

“If I killed you, I wouldn’t get paid. So I rather continue just baby sitting all of you.” You rolled your eyes. Jimin threw his head back in laughter. 

“I...I...” The girl stuttered. 

“Manager-nim, I thought we had a rule that if you wanted us to keep coming back here, no one else is to talk to us except you. ” Jimin turned to the manager with a raised eyebrow. 

“Is your staff that naive to think that Dr. (y/l/n) is not part of the family when she literally walked in with us?” Jimin chuckled. The manager’s eyes widened. 

“I’m so very sorry, Mr Park!” He gave a deep bow. 

“It’s not me that you should be apologising to.” Jimin said. The manager turned to you and bowed deeply, pushing his staff’s head down to bow to you as well. You gave Jimin a side glance. 

“Doc!” You heard Jungkook call you and turned to leave Jimin with the manager. As you left, you saw Jimin whisper something into the manager’s ear. But you shook your head, not wanting to be any more involved in that. Jungkook saw you and waved, showing you his outfit. It was a very nice denim jacket with the LV logos on it. 

“It’s nice.” You nodded. 

“Just... nice?” Jungkook scrunched his nose. You shrugged. 

“Wow, tough crowd, Kook.” Hoseok chuckled at the maknae, adjusting his blazer as he stared at himself in the mirror. Jungkook scowled at the elder’s comment but pouted at you. 

“You look handsome, Jungkook.” You coaxed. Finally, he smiled in triumph and headed back into the changing room. 

“Anything caught your eye yet?” Taehyung asked as he stepped out, his new clothes folded neatly over his arm. You shook your head, never being one to enjoy shopping in high end shops. You were fine with middle range clothes.

“Have you guys ever thrift shopped?” You thought out loud. 

“Of course! We weren’t always rich, you know?” Jimin chuckled. You facepalmed, obviously not getting your message across to them. After they paid for their things, you followed them out. The employee from before was no where in sight. 

“I promise nothing like that will ever happen again, Mr Park.” The manager gave another deep bow to the boys as he walked you out. 

“I’ll hold you to that.” Jimin smiled as he put his sunglasses on. For some reason, Jimin’s words had an air of sinister to it, sending a shiver down your spine. You cast him a glance. 

“Hmm?” He tilted his head. 

“Nothing.” You shook your head and continued walking with them. 

“We’re almost done. This is the last store.” Jungkook stretched his arms. Balenciaga. He walked in and just like the first two, the staff all bowed, only the manager speaking to the boys while the others didn’t even dare to meet their eye. You sat with Taehyung, watching him play games on his phone while the others did their thing. 

“When are we going grocery shopping?” You asked. 

“Excited, are we?” Taehyung chuckled, not looking up from his phone screen. His tongue stuck out from the corner of his lip in concentration. 

“No, I just wanna get this done. You guys are super boring. I’d rather stare at the wall than continue to do this for the rest of the day.” You rolled your eyes. You heard a small gasp from behind you. 

“Did you hear what she just said to Mr Kim?” 

“You surprise people outside the family too.” Taehyung commented, a hint that he heard the employees behind you. 

“You’re just ordinary people. I don’t give special treatment out, no matter what societal or financial status.” You crossed your arms with a scoff. 

“That’s why we like you.” He chuckled. You saw Jungkook bringing 3 boxes of shoes to the cashier counter. He leaned against the marble counter as the manager grabbed his other items from the back room. Jungkook met eyes with you, winking flirtatiously. You shook your head, turning away. 

RINGGGGGG

“I told you guys to be back by 5!” 

“Hyung, we’re almost done. After this, we’re heading to the grocery store.” Hoseok sighed. You snickered, hearing the angry Yoongi on the other line. 

“You guys are never on time! I should have sent someone else to go get the ingredients instead of you.”

“Alright, alright. Calm down, hyung. We’ll be quick, I promise. I’ll even buy you your favourite lamb skewers, okay?” Hoseok coaxed. Yoongi just seemed to hang up on him.

“We needa go, guys. Yoongi hyung is not pleased that we’re late.” Hoseok informed the 3 younger ones. You all rushed out of there, throwing the shopping into the cars and speeding to the nearest supermarket. You split up into 2 teams to try and get as many things as possible, in the fastest time. Jungkook and Jimin followed you to the meat counter. 

“Can we get lamb skewers too?” Jimin ordered. Jungkook stacked the beef and prawns in the cart. 

“This is a lot of food.” 

“Don’t worry, we’ll finish it.” Jungkook waved you off. After Jimin got a few trays of lamb skewers, you got some ramen and rice to eat with the meat. Hoseok and Taehyung got the drinks, some tools for grilling and vegetables. 

“Ice cream?” Jungkook offered. You nodded, taking one as you all paid. While waiting for the cashier to scan everything, you opened your ice cream. 

“Do you have a girlfriend? You’re very good looking.” The cashier asked Jimin, who was waiting to pay. 

“I do.” Jimin nodded without hesitation, pointing to you, who’s back was turned to him. The cashier nodded awkwardly, turning to Jungkook instead, who was innocently eating his ice cream as he picked up some of the bagged items at the end of the cashier. 

“My wife would not like you staring at me.” Jungkook said cooly. Following Jungkook’s stare, the cashier saw his eyes on you, who was trying your best to ignore an overly animated Taehyung.

“You two keep staring. If you needed help, you could just ask.” You walked over. 

“Nope, we’re good. Enjoy your ice cream.” Jungkook patted your head while you glared at him. Jimin snickered, paying for the groceries. 

“Don’t make her angry, Kook.” Jimin chided. The cashier’s eyes widened as she looked at you and the boys. Jimin grew annoyed, snapping his fingers at her. She jumped, quickly swiping Jimin’s card and handing over the receipt. 

“Let’s not waste more time.” Taehyung said. As the cars approached the mansion, the boys had the staff waiting for them. 

“Get everything out and bring them to our rooms.” The boys said. The staff bowed, bringing things in. You were going to help them but Jin came out, escorting you back into the house with his hands on your shoulders. Yoongi was in the backyard, barking orders at Namjoon, who was trying to set up the grill for the food. 

“Don’t be too hard on him, Yoongles.” You teased with a shake of your head. 

“You guys are late.” Yoongi hissed. 

“Not my fault. I was merely a follower.” You shrugged and yet, watched in amusement as Yoongi just stood there, continuing to get frustrated with Namjoon until Jin stepped in. 

“Aren’t you going to wash up?” Namjoon asked. 

“In a little bit. This is way too amusing to miss.” You giggled to yourself. Namjoon chuckled along, patting your head softly. 

“Well, I’m going to see how the younger ones are doing.” Namjoon said and left. You decided to head in as well, going to your room to change into something more comfortable. You took Kookie with out, feeding him and taking him down to the backyard with you. 

“Leave us.” You heard Taehyung say to someone. 

“But sir-”

“Didn’t you hear what we said? You have a lot of nerve even coming here after what happened. If I find him before you do, it’ll not only be his death.” Taehyung barked and there was a scurrying of footsteps. 

“(y/n)?” Someone called and you jumped, immediately acting like you had just walked over. 

“Sorry, had to feed Kookie.” You explained as you forced your best smile. Taehyung looked over at you, giving you a small smile. 

“I’m hungry!” He stretched his arms. The others were already outside, helping to grill the meats and set up the rest of the things. You placed Kookie on the grass. 

“Jungkook, go cook the ramen.” Namjoon said. You followed Jungkook to help, even if he refused. As you cooked ramen with Jungkook, the staff left the kitchen immediately, keeping their heads down. You chopped some spring onions for Jungkook as he started opening all the ramen packs. When you were down, you hopped onto the counter to sit. 

“Does it still hurt?” Jungkook asked. You tilted your head in confusion. 

“Your wrist.” He clarified with a clear of his throat, the tips of his ears turning red in embarrassment. 

“It’s fine, it’ll heal in a few days.” You shrugged. Jungkook opened his mouth to say something when your phone rang, cutting the conversation short. You excused yourself to answer the phone. 

“Mum... You know that I- Oh, hey dad. Yes, I know. Okay.” Jungkook heard you sigh as you spoke on the phone. 

“This Friday? Well, you know I’m working. I’ll have to ask them for a night off... Yes. But if I go, promise no setting me up with one of your colleagues’ sons again, that goes for you too, mum.” You tried to sound like you were joking but you were serious. 

“I’ll see you on Friday then.” You hummed and hung up. 

“Sorry about that.” You said as Jungkook turned around to stir the ramen. He shook his head, putting the lid on the pot and turning the flame off. 

“Let’s bring this out.” He instructed. You grabbed the portable gas stove and walked out to the backyard with Jungkook. The others were seated, except Jin and Hoseok, who were still cooking. 

“Ramen!” Jimin cheered as you placed the stove down. Jungkook placed the pot over it. 

“Let’s eat.” Hoseok placed the plates of meat down. 

“Drink?” Namjoon offered you a beer. You nodded, taking the opened amber bottle from him. This dinner felt strangely domestic. Every other dinner was prepared and served by the staff of the house in that professional, stuffy dining room. Now, the staff were not around and everything was prepared and cooked by your bunch.

“Let’s eat.” Jin said and everything dug in. You made your lettuce wraps with meat dipped in sauce and kimchi. 

“The beef is good.” You said, putting a wrap on your plate. Yoongi wordlessly placed a few places of beef onto your plate for you before continuing to eat his own food. 

“Aww, thank you Yoongles.” You placed a hand over your chest. He rolled his eyes. The rest of the evening was spent under the night sky, just like having a normal dinner with your not so normal clients. 

~~

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#kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop series #bts #bts scenarios #bts series #bts x reader #bts x y/n #poly!bts #bts poly #poly!bts x reader #poly bts #bts mafia au #bts mafia #bts mafia series #mafia #mafia au #mafia bts #mafia!au #mafia!bts #mafia series #ot7 #ot7 x reader #ot7 bts #bts ot7 #bangtan

[therobishow]

I think I'm done with podcasts made by men

I love listening to podcasts while I work. Especially ones related to history, film, and literature.

And damn near every time I try listening to ones that are made by men, I end up hitting a point where I have to stop listening and switch to something else. There's always a point where they say something that is so ignorant, blatantly sexist, etc., that I just can't take it.

Often times it's the host buying into a very male-centered lens of interpreting whatever it is they're discussing. And, you know, that's kind of expected. They're men. They're viewing things as men. I get that and I'm usually willing to just roll my eyes and move on. But then it keeps happening, or gets much worse than what can be excused by simple ignorance. And then I can't just roll my eyes anymore. I just want to start yelling. And that's not a good energy to have while I'm trying to do my job. So I switch over to something else.

A good example of this happened today. I was listening to a podcast called History by Hollywood. I found it because I'm a huge fan of History Buffs on Youtube. Comparing historical fiction to the actual history is fascinating to me. I love learning about the real event and how it's translated into fiction. But...it got bad. Real fucking bad.

Now, I can't place all the blame on the creators of HbH. They had guests who do a podcast that I think is called Green Screen, which discusses films through an environmental lens. And I definitely will not be listening to that podcast after hearing them today.

The episode was about Gorillas in the Mist, which is biopic about Dr. Dian Fossey. If you don't know who Dian Fossey is, look her up. She was one of the group known as the Trimates, sometimes called Leakey's Angels. The group consisted of three women who were expert primatologists: Birute Galdikas, who studied orangutans; Jane Goodall, possibly the most well known of the three, who studied chimpanzees; and Fossey herself, who studied gorillas. I would love to write hundreds of pages about how awesome and unbelievably badass these women are/were. Seriously, learn about these women if you haven't already. They are amazing.

Anyway, the episode was about Dr. Fossey. My first issue is that, despite her PhD, they never once referred to her with her proper title. This is upsettingly common with women who have earned doctorates. Men never want to call them Doctor. It frustrates me to no end. But that's not nearly the worst of it. They went on to discuss how she became pregnant twice during her time in Rwanda. She chose to abort both pregnancies because she did not want pregnancy or motherhood to interfere with her work with the gorillas. One of the GS guys commented on this saying "I suppose her reasons could be considered valid." Um, excuse me? First of all, why do you think that you get to decide whether or not she had valid reasons? You don't. Second, of course her reasons are valid. Whatever a woman's reasons are for having an abortion are valid. She's the only one who gets to make that decision. So fuck right off with that. Sorry for getting a bit heated here, but that really pissed me off. There was no need for a comment like that. Especially since it makes it sound like he doesn't actually think her reasons are valid, but is scared of catching heat so tried to sugarcoat it.

Moving on, TW: rape, they also got into the fact that Dr. Fossey stated that she was repeatedly raped by soldiers in 1966 over the course of two weeks. People freaking love to claim that this is "disputed" or "exaggerated" and some go as far as to claim that it was an outright lie. Why? Because she originally claimed that she was treated well and then escorted to the border. Later on, she admitted that she was actually beaten and raped. I'm not going to delve too far into this because a) this post is already way longer than I intended, and b) I will get SO MAD. For the sake of brevity, I'm just going to say that I believe that she was raped, and that she initially lied because she was not ready for this information to become public. The hosts however...well, they'd like to claim that they didn't come down on either side of this "debate" and simply presented facts. But they totally don't think she was raped. They went on and on about all the reasons that she would have lied about being raped, such as political clout, publicity, propaganda, and other dumb reasons. But just couldn't seem to think of any reason that she would have lied about not being raped. Gotta love how men are always able to come up with fifty million reasons why women would make false accusations. It's absolutely not in any way revealing how they think of women.

They also got into the admittedly shitty things that Dr. Fossey did during her time in Rwanda. She wasn't perfect, and she did do some rather bad things. Her approach to conservation work was very much steeped in a colonialist mindset. I'm not about to deny that. And they did do a good job of explaining some of the more overlooked facts of poaching--most African poachers aren't cartoon villains who want to destroy nature. Many are farmers who are killing animals that threaten their crops and/or livestock. And then they get offered lots of money to do it. It's not a simple issue, and doesn't have a simple solution. I don't have a problem with them addressing this, and I'm glad that they did. However, and this is a pretty big HOWEVER, they also didn't discuss any of the great things she did. She saved a huge number of gorillas. She helped improve the Rwandan economy. She fought against multiple colonialist organizations trying to exploit Rwanda and it's wildlife. She helped to revolutionize the field of primatology. There's so much that we know now that we only know because of her. They also decided that the fact that she's a heavily revered and respected figure in Rwanda was worth a few sentences and that was it.

They referred to her as cold and unfeeling multiple times, largely due to her relationship with Bob Campbell, who was married when they met. Apparently the fact that she didn't stick with him for her whole life means that she's cold and uncaring. Ugh. I just fucking can't with this.

And the cherry on top, they made jokes about her murder. Yep. Dr. Fossey was horribly and brutally murdered with a machete in December of 1985. And they apparently think that's funny. Now, I know that some of the people who were close to Dr. Fossey have also made jokes regarding her death. However, there are several Grand Canyon-sized differences between someone using humor to cope with the death of someone they loved, and some assholes with a podcast making jokes about the brutal murder of a woman they never met. They also said that it doesn't matter who killed her or if they're ever caught. Which...no? It very much matters who snuck into this woman's home in the middle of the night and used a machete to brutally murder her. It very much matters if this person is caught. I can't even imagine trying to say that it doesn't matter if an actual murderer is ever caught.

All of this goes into a huge problem when it comes to studying history, especially the history of science. Women are always scrutinized more heavily, always criticized with more vitriol, and always have their enormous accomplishments either left out entirely or pushed to side. I almost never see male scientists given this treatment. Edison comes close, but he always gets quite a bit of "Yeah, he was awful, but let's not forget all the awesome things he did!" Women however get "Yeah, she did a few cool things for science, but let's not forget that she had an abortion!"

I just can't handle this shit anymore. If you managed to get all the way to the end of this wall of text (yay) please recommend me some good history/literature podcasts created by women. I will love you so much.

#oc #history #science #Dian Fossey #primatology #History by Hollywood #podcasts #podcast #feminisim #tw: rape #tw: murder #Trimates #Leakey's Angels #jane goodall #birute galdikas #tw: abortion

[xxrat--punkxx]

JUMPING ON THIS BAND WAGGON

Ok here’s my 2020, tw//mentions of suicide and abuse

(Strong start lmao) 2020 sucked ass lemmi tell ya. This year was a fucking train wreck from the start, ur hay I got character development so who cares. Well let’s start with a review, bad things first.

Yall remember when everyone was scared shields of COVID?. Lol. But that’s stating the obvious. When we went into lockdown I was first like fuck yeah summer lol, but then the threat of ‘staying home for the rest of the year’ set in, bing in my first year of sixth form I really understand the stakes of exams next year. So having to stay home for the rest of the year freaked me the fuck out. I literally couldent cope, having to do all classes online was fucking hell, they were never zoom classes either, just ‘lmao do the work and hand it in’ which was near impossible for me. I was also in the constant ‘oh no I’m so stressed but I will do NOTHING about this lmao~’. As the days turned to weeks and inevitably MONTHS, my mental health said buckle up bitches. Days were spent sitting in my room on my phone doing NOTHING, meanwhile this perpetual notion of stress played in my head yet there I sat not having the will or motion to move.

Then my parents got involved. Now THATS when shit went from pretty crummy to awful, now I was living with them constantly I was able to see who they really were with no real filter. And oh god do I have issues, I didn’t even fucking know. Every day was an argument, my mom was the worst, the MANIPULATION, the constant ‘you're tearing this family apart’ or ‘so I’m the problem?’ Or the fucking indecent playing the victim. And I all only just realised, that they have been doing this ALL MY LIFE. Dad got involved but he was just physically violent, only twice tho. The worst part was my work, admittedly yes, I didn’t do everything I was given, but I tried, I really did with what little motivation I had. But with just one ‘oh your daughter hasn’t handed in this work’ I was a ‘lazy, good for nothing failure’ to quote ‘who will never go anywhere in life’ so I’d spend the rest of the day crying while they play the victim bury saupying I was abusing their love and just using them for money. But the next day be like ‘oh I’m so proud of you you're doing so well’ having that statement being completely unrelated to the previous events. This was constant. So that’s that story. I won’t talk much about Black Lives Matter because we all know about how that went. But it really affected me, I found myself crying over the victims multiple times. And the lack of support for the movement my peers or family showed made it fucking worse. Crying was a common occurrence for me now, mental health really taking a nosedive, being too scared to call myself ‘depressed’ or ‘mentally ill’ to any extent because I know I’m faking it and just want validation. That was also constant. Fun times huh.

BUT IT GETS WORSE 🥲, then I had to go back to school, awful to fucking abhorrent now. Year two of sixth form fun right? Sure, if u take away the ‘no free time period’ or the wanting to kill mystery for literally a whole 3 weeks. That was my lowest peak. Ever. I’ve never wanted to kill myself before then, don’t like that feeling. Shocker huh. That mixed with the constant anxiety of nothing is right anymore and also needing to succeed at school all made one healthy dose of ‘.exe has stopped working’ juice. Yet I played the fool, acting happy as if nothing had happened, or was happening at least, and venting by imagining scenes in my head with fictional characters lmao. Telling myself ’u can’t kill yourself because u don’t deserve too and ur just asking for attraction’. Then midterms happened blah blah blah, stress but I’m numb to it now that whole story.

But that’s not to say there wasn’t a silver lining.

Onto the good things finally, yes the year was probably one of the worst years I’ve been through in my life it did not go without its positives. For example early this year I got into borderlands properly, I finally explored the fandom and had a look at what it was like. Albeit a slow process considering I was still predominantly on Instagram at the time, and finding a community of a fandom on there is impossible. I started browsing Pinterest or the Internet for images that would link to my favourite characters, Who were to no ones surprise is the calypso twins. Pinterest led me to artworks and artworks led me to the infamous Lazulizard. Who I cherish all my being. Three weeks later after looking at her entire tumblr blog and stalking her of pretty much all her content (sorry for that by the way) I found border-spam. By this point I didn’t have tumblr and I had no intention of getting it seeing as an ongoing war I’ve had with myself since 2012, declaring I will be the bigger man and never get tumblr, which in hindsight was an awful mindset. Seeing as tumblr is probably one of my favourite places on Earth right now. But after also stalking border spams account, again sorry, and starving her of any content she’d ever posted. I was happy that this fandom although as niche as it is was actually getting content. At the time spam and lazu were absolute gods to me. Being the sole producer of a fandom I probably wasn’t even in properly, having both impeccable writing and impeccable art like good God. I would often think ‘wow wouldn’t it be incredible if I actually got to talk to them one day’, now look at me I’m doing commissions for both of them good God. And to be short joining tumblr felt like a fever dream and it’s probably the greatest thing I could’ve done this year, my parents are wrong, talking to strangers is amazing.

Something notable of mention this year as I actually got to figure out who I am as a person, I was able to find my own style and to find my interests, specifically in what I liked in terms of clothing. I thought I was LOL 2012 goth hipster but no apparently I’m manic Pixie dream girl. Going from pink is the ugliest colour in the world to having it be the only colour I will ever wear. I made some pretty big choices this year like cutting pretty much all of my hair off and dying it for the first time. Thanks strict parents for only letting me do that one now. But like I said I went to a character Ark and you know what I like it. I also played BioShock fallout and horizon zero dawn for the first time this year starting to really feel like a proper epic gamer, good lord kill me, and falling in love with all of them almost immediately. I also figured out on a plant mum and I’m into vulture culture although my parents have to disagree with that one. Asking to buy an Horse and fox skull somehow scared them a little bit can’t seem to figure out why lmao.

So a conclusion, Fuck you 2020 you made me miss two comic cons and I will never forgive you for that shit I am SO mad. But I will give you the benefit of the doubt you did make me meet some absolutely incredible people who I consider my friends, despite going against every single Internet safety law I was ever taught as a child. But you know what who gives a flying shit I love you guys. So that’s what I wanted to say. I want to say thank you to everyone on here and everyone is following me or even interacted me with on that matter. You mean the world to me and I really fucking mean it. Are you going to be nothing but amazing ever since I walked onto this fucking hell hole. And what I go through all of this bullshit again if it means I ended up here? You know what I think I just might. So again I thank you and I hope your year didn’t go as badly as mine, and fuck it bring on whatever the fucks next!

Honourable mention of this year was The time Elisa actually complimented me and I cried a little bit and had a panic attack but you know that’s for another day

🥺💕

#I literally drew nothing this year #like this is all of it lmao #I didn’t post a lot of this stuff because hmmm #but omfg my evolution of tyreen art lmao #that one in January was the first time I ever drew her #I literally got into borderlands in January snd now look at me #consistent style who? #actually a lot of this is collage work huh #that digital December is a surprise #I’m nearly finished just gotta do effects #but my productivity said 📉📉📉📉📉 #yeah I used to draw angel a LOT as well lol #borderlands #troy calypso #tyreen calypso #lilith the siren #my art #ocs #kiatei #rhys the company man #patricia tannis #angel the siren #uhhhhh #2020 summary #tw mention of abuse #tw mention if suicide #long post

[clarste]

Sorry if you've been asked this explicitly before, but what are your thoughts on Penguin Logistics, specifically in comparison to the other organisations/factions in Arknights? I recently started and managed to grab everyone within a few pulls, except Sora (and I guess Mostima, unfortunately.) and I think they're easily my favourites. Would love to hear your thoughts. Cheers.

No one's ever asked me that, but they probably should have since I've gone all-in on Penguin Logistics ever since I pulled Exusiai and Croissant early on. I then proceeded to never pull any of the others, forcing me to buy Texas and Sora in the shop and much later dump all of my accumulated gacha currency getting Mostima. Anyway, my goal in life is to use the entire team and also max them all out. PL4life!

Anyway, my initial impression of them was that they were the cast of a 90s anime like Cowboy Bebop or Bubblegum Crisis (...Tokyo 2040). Like, they're an eclectic band of hyper-competent misfits working for a small company operating at the edge of the law. “Penguin Logistics” itself sounds like a euphemism for being, like, smugglers or something. "We'll get your package where it needs to go, no questions asked." Then Code of Brawl came out and I was totally right except they are also very dumb in a funny way. Like, they accidentally got into a turf war with the mafia, but apparently that's just business as usual.

Anyway I want to talk about each of them individually now so apologies if this starts rambling.

Texas is pretty clearly the main character of Penguin Logistics, and you can tell because she's the hub of their whole relationship wheel on the in-game chart.

She's also kinda Spike from Cowboy Bebop, although less laid-back I guess. She's a former mafia assassin on the run from her past, but her past won't leave her alone. Incidentally, "mafia" in this case refers to the various wolf families from the fantasy Italy equivalent in this setting, although they make some interesting comparisons to wolf packs in the profiles. However, Texas's family is dead, which should make her a "lone wolf" that will supposedly never have another place to belong. Except PL itself is proof that that's wrong.

Theoretically she’s just the team’s driver, but because PL is always getting into ridiculous anime fights she’s also good at that part too, using dozens of little... lightsabers(?) that she throws around willy nilly. It would probably look super-cool to see in action, except this is not that kind of game so we’ll just have to wait for the anime or whatever. It’s noted in her profile that her fighting style shows that she unconsciously sees as the only purpose of a weapon as being to kill, and heck, she’s right.

She's cool-headed, adaptable, and the serious one you can always count on, but she's not above getting into friendly(?) brawls just to take out her frustrations out.

Her name comes from the extinct subspecies of Texas Wolf.

Next up is Exusiai, the angel who loves nothing more than guns, god, rock and roll, and apple pie. In that order. In other words, a stereotypical American. Even though she's from the fantasy-Vatican. Basically she's a cheerful, friendly, laid-back person who never really fit in back home where people are expected to be more serious and orderly. Not enough to be, like, shunned or anything but she's always been a weirdo. All angels have guns though, that’s like standard issue. She wishes she could have more though.

She's also super religious, but interestingly never brings it upon her own. I feel like she probably realizes how uncomfortable it can make people who don't share that religion to suddenly bring up Jesus all the time in casual conversation. Like, she's not ashamed of it or anything, but she won't shove it in your face either. Personally, I find that a pretty cool characterization for a fictional religious person.

Which is also sort of a hint that beneath her goofy exterior she's a thoughtful, deliberate person who doesn’t let anyone in by accident. Texas notes that they're exact opposites in this respect. She also has an extremely interesting relationship with the next person.

Her name comes from the Greek word for the order of angels in Christianity often translated as "Powers."

Mostima... where to start...? I guess first of all she’s a fallen angel, apparently because she pointed her gun at her own kind under MYSTERIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES. Probably related to the whole war in Kazdel thing, where many of the other MYSTERIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES in this game took place. Long story short, stuff happened in the war, she pointed her gun at another angel, Exusiai’s sister is dead under mysterious circumstances, and Mostima gave up her gun and now wanders the world delivering long-distance packages for PL. But that’s mostly an excuse for to be alone as much as humanly possible. She can also use time magic because I dunno why not. MYSTERIOUS.

She’s friendly enough, talkative even, and has a hobby of visiting new places and trying out the local food, etc, but her real defining trait is that she just doesn’t need other people. She’s explicitly aromantic, saying she has no interest in love, but she also has no need for friends or family or apparently coworkers either. Because of the way the world is, she spends most of her time driving through the endless wastelands between cities, with nothing but a truck, some packages, and her thoughts. There’s something... romantic about that (in the other sense of the word), but even she admits that the romance of watching the sun set in a desert with no one else around for hundreds of kilometers gets old after a while.

I feel like I should note that she has a very “best friend of her big sister” relationship with Exusiai, by which I mean she’s known Exusiai since Exusiai was a kid and to her Exusiai will always be that kid. Also Exusiai only joined PL in the first place to hunt her down and get answers about her sister’s death, but Mostima just laughs it off and leaves town for another year or five. 

Her name is probably a corruption of Mastema, a rather infamous fallen angel in mythology.

Croissant is... well, to be honest everyone past this point is more of a minor character. Which is actually a weird thing to say since none of these people are actually major characters in Arknights, but I guess these are less important people even within the group?

Croissant’s gimmick is that she’s always trying to make money by selling stuff. I guess she’s a merchant? But not, like, a formal one who runs a shop, she just gets her hands on stuff through her connections and sells it. But in like, a friendly down-to-earth way, it’s even said that she lives paycheck to paycheck. She’s a girl trying to get by with a second job, I guess is what I’m saying.

Team-wise, she’s the muscle of the group, being a minotaur and all. She lifts the heavy packages and also smashes things with her MAGNETIC HAMMER which I don’t know why I find that name so amusing. Gameplay-wise her special move can knock all the enemies around her halfway across the map and I smile every time she does it.

Her profile notes that she’s really just living her best life as a normal-ish person, and that helps make everyone around her feel normal, and that’s important in a setting where half the people around you are dying of magical cancer (no one in PL is Infected though).

Her name comes from the French word for Crescent and also a type of Pastry. Leaning more towards Pastries in my opinion.

Sora is an idol singer. Because, to be perfectly honest, what ragtag band of misfits is complete without an idol singer? She can’t really fight, but I guess Texas must have saved her life at some point or something because she bullied both her agency and PL into letting her work there part time. And also she is obsessed with Texas. I guess saying it like that makes her sound kind of annoying, but she really isn’t, she’s just an earnest girl chasing her dreams.

There’s also this interesting thing where a lot of her basic information is censored by her agency in order to protect her privacy (”do not dox the idol”). Even including her race. She presents as a wolf, but her promoted E2 art has her as a rabbit, which raises some interesting questions that don’t really get answered.

Her name comes from the Japanese word for Sky.

Lappland is not really part of PL, but she’s PL-adjacent enough to be worth mentioning here. Basically she’s an old acquaintance of Texas from back in their mafia days, and she’s obsessed with hunting her down and... fighting her? Killing her? But in, like, a sexual way? She’s kind of a crazy psychopathic killer. Maybe. She can also be very calm and polite when she wants to be, although with a taste for gallows humor. That just makes her scarier because you don’t know when/if she’ll snap.

There are two kind-of explanations for her being like that: A) her family is dead and she has no “pack”. As a wolf, the stress of living without a pack is supposed to be maddening. B) She’s infected with Oripathy (magic cancer) and there are crystals growing in her nervous system. Which... can’t be good. The answer is probably a combination of both.

But the most important thing about Lappland is her base skill and how it interacts with Texas. Basically, in your base there are various jobs you can assign people to and different characters get different bonuses for them. Most people in Penguin Logistics get bonuses for working the Trading Depot, for obvious reasons. Lappland gets a “bonus” where if she’s in the depot at the same time as Texas, she loses morale slower but doesn’t actually get any bonus to productivity. Meanwhile, Texas gets a bonus to productivity when Lappland is around, but loses morale way faster. In other words, Lappland is slacking off and making Texas so uncomfortable that she works twice as hard just to get the job over with so she can leave. This is their relationship as defined by game mechanics.

Texas also has another bonus where she loses morale slower if Exusiai is there, which completely cancels out the penalty she gets from Lappland. In other worlds, Exusiai being there too calms her nerves enough that she doesn’t feel the need to immediately escape.

Oh yeah, I forgot to talk about Emperor, who’s the owner of Penguin Logistics. He’s a world-famous rapper wearing a Tupac shirt and also literally immortal.

#not touhou #arknights #penguin logistics

[isaacsapphire]

(re: the fanfiction research thing) Colt like the guns? I know nothing about him but now I'm curious. What should I ask you? :P

Yeah, Colt like the guns. Samuel Colt, the real historical figure who invented a workable repeating firearm, and became particularly associated with revolvers. The early seasons of TV show Supernatural featured some lore involving various things that their fictional version of Samuel Colt did, including make a revolver that could kill anything, including supernatural entities that were otherwise difficult or impossible to kill by other means that is very important to the plot.

Anyways, the dates given by the TV show were actually a little wonky when you dig into the timeline for the real Samuel Colt... Which I did because that was my special interest at the time, and I discovered that if you really dug into it, which I did because I was bored with my actual college work and happened to have access to a particularly good library and the balls to get into microfiche when necessary, there was an INSANE story of international travel, love, murder, social climbing, the very first American media circus trial, bigamy, possibly more murder, a knife that nobody ever described the same way twice, bad spelling, and some seriously ride-or-die brothers.

Seriously, this is my drunk history pick, and I'm just going to shit this out right now before bed time and without looking anything up or linking. I'll link on a reblog later tomorrow or something.

So, Sam and John were two of like 7+ kids, Sam being one of the younger ones. I kinda get the impression that Sam was always the "I'm playing around with stuff that goes boom" kid, and he got kicked out of a boarding school as a teen for blowing up their pond trying to invent a better naval mine (like a landmine, but in the water for blowing up boats).

He wasn't a gunsmith, but he had an idea for a better repeating firearm and got a bunch of people he knew, including several members of his large extended family, to invest in his business venture. Step 1 was to get patents for this gun design all over the world in preparation for being eligible for big arms contracts with multiple nations. (Step 3 absofuckinglutly was "profit" BTW, but there were some bumps in the road before that actually happened.)

So, Sam was like, 20 something on this big venture capital funded Grand Tour, because you had to physically go to each countries' patent office back then, and you had to take a ship between a lot of countries, so this was pretty time consuming and involved a lot of hanging out on fairly nice ocean liners for weeks at a time. And while on one of these long ocean voyages, Sam met a nice young German woman named Caroline Henshaw who he married. However, due to her heavy accent and possibly other reasons as well, the fact of Sam's marriage was kept quiet and not public knowledge.

Fast forward several years; Sam is now getting all up into Washington DC lobbying because now he's trying to get the US government to buy a shit ton of his guns, and of course there's political drama about that because there's always some drama about that kind of thing. Sam is enjoying going to dinner with important people. Sam is also making political enemies.

Meanwhile, his big brother John lives in NYC and had written a book. However, the publisher owed him money, so John confronted him about it. Nobody knows for sure what happened next, but at the end of it, the publisher was dead due to some blunt force trauma courtesy of John, who proceeded to try and cover up this fact by putting the body into a box and having it shipped to New Orleans. Or anyways that was the plan, but the ship the box was on was delayed and it was hot and the body smelled really bad so the whole thing was discovered and John's involvement became known.

Cue an absolute uproar of a trial, since the brother of this dude who's trying to get a government contract is accused of murdering a dude who owed him money. The press had an absolute field day as more salacious details came out... Like that unmarried John shared his house with an (apparently) unmarried woman; Caroline Henshaw. The trial was, as best as I could tell, a shitshow. Caroline gave birth during the trial (not like, in the courtroom tho), named her son "Samuel Colt Jr" and brought the infant to court. I never got my hands on the trial record itself, but the newspaper articles said that on the last day of the trial, the prosecution changed their position on what they said the murder weapon was, from being a paperweight or something, to being one of his brother's cutting edge guns he was trying to sell the government. Despite this kind of incompetent fuckery, the jury convicted John of murder, to his shock; John had maintained he had been acting in self defense and the killing was justified.

Between the time of conviction and his scheduled hanging, both Sam and Caroline visited John regularly in prison, and a day or two before the hanging, John married Caroline in a very small ceremony in his cell, witnessed by his brother Sam. The next day, before John was to be hanged, a fire broke out at the prison and kept everyone there occupied for several hours. When they got back to John's cell, they found a dead body of a man who apparently committed suicide by stabbing himself in the heart with a knife that is not consistently described. A hasty inquest was formed the next day, consisting entirely of people who had never met John in life, which concluded that the body was indeed John and had died of suicide.

Caroline Henshaw and son were thereafter financially supported by Samuel, who sent them to Europe for years and years. Multiple people thought they saw John in Texas years afterwards. Samuel married a good social climbing match, leveraging his wealth into class. He ever afterwards referred to the boy as "my nefu" complete with the quotation marks and atrocious spelling because Samuel Colt was unusually bad at spelling. Supposedly, when Samuel Colt died, Samuel Colt Jr showed up with his mother's marriage license to Samuel Colt and claimed his chunk of the estate, but I didn't get those legal documents either so I can't confirm that.

#Samuel colt #guns #supernatural tv show #spn #mr colt made man equal #a bigger history #oh geez i can tag asks now #I'll get you the Forgotten Weapons link later

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Disability and Loren

@zarohk asked for my thoughts on a Disability Studies/Media Studies perspective on the disability depictions in Animorphs.  Which was foolish, because I’m teaching an entire dang class on the subject of superheroes and mental health, so I have Many Thoughts.  [PLEASE NOTE: I am nondisabled, so if I err, please tell me so.]

Loren’s role in #49: The Diversion does a lot of things right, and a lot of things wrong.  She incurs a traumatic brain injury that results in memory loss and blindness a couple of years after Tobias is born, and lives with said injury for about ten years before Tobias finds her and gives her the ability to morph, which restores her sight but not her memory.

A few places where I commend the depiction of Loren:

It gets into the massive underemployment of disabled Americans.  Loren is smart, canny, athletic, compassionate... and working a call center job in exchange for state benefits.  Said state benefits do not afford her a decent standard of living; Tobias notes that she has few possessions and almost no time for leisure activities.  Americans with disabilities are twice as likely to be unemployed as those without, and those who do have jobs are ten times more likely to be paid less than minimum wage, e.g. in sheltered workshops.

It shows how inaccessible a lot of systems are in the U.S.  Tobias notes that Loren accidentally grabs an expired quart of milk — because nothing on the label is printed in Braille.  Putting raised text and/or Braille on food packaging is a health and safety issue, one that the U.S. ignores even though it violates its own laws (e.g. the ADA) because companies tend to do what they want and “what they want” is usually not to spend more money on packaging.  The call center and bus system are both marginally more accessible, especially when Loren has Champ to help, but they’re still clearly spaces set up for sighted people that don’t take blind users into account very well.

It shows some of the workarounds that help deal with accessibility problems.  Loren’s house is set up so that there are clear paths to and from all of the relevant spaces.  She’s doing that to allow herself to move around comfortably in that space, because she’s made it accessible for herself.  She memorizes the layout of the local store, and uses that to get around as well.  All of those details help show that she’s adjusted, and actively interacting with her own circumstances.

It drives home the difference between service dogs and pets.  This distinction is extremely important, and it gets ignored all the time by entitled ableists who want to bring their pets into stores.  Tobias and Marco both assume from the outside that it can’t be that hard to become a service animal — just do what Loren says to do, right? — but it takes Tobias 0.02 seconds to realize that it’s not that simple and that he cannot imitate Champ’s lifetime of training on the fly.  He says that he manages to get his mom home in one piece, and that that’s about all that can be said for his sad performance as a guide.  Champ has skills like ignoring interesting smells and applying exactly the right amount of pressure to the harness that most pets don’t have and also most pets can’t learn.  Champ is not a pet, at least not while he’s in that harness; he’s a gainfully employed expert assistant.

It rounds Loren out as a character, and definitely does not just make her into a lesson or problem for Tobias.  Loren is gently humorous, tolerating her coworkers’ teasing and Ax’s attempted juvenile delinquency with an eye-roll.  She’s compassionate, listening to other people’s problems on the phone with genuine concern and not swatting flies if she doesn’t have to.  She’s tough-minded and stupidly brave, chucking rocks at Visser Three’s head and flying at attack helicopters as a three-pound bird.  She’s fallible, unable to support Tobias emotionally even when he asks her to do so and unwilling to check in on him after leaving him with her sister.  She’s a fully rounded person, one whose personality is informed but not defined by her disability.

It talks about some of the unromatic aspects of a Traumatic Brain Injury.  Too often in other works of fiction, we see a person get bonked over the head and wake up with no episodic memory but all other brain functions intact (*cough* Rachel in MM1 *cough*).  Loren actually gets into the fact that she forgot huge chunks of language, forgot how to brush her teeth, forgot how to walk across a room.  She obviously lost her sight as well, and she mentions lifelong balance and coordination problems.  Even her amnesia isn’t absolute — she has some traces of recall, but can’t make anything coherent of her impressions.  Her injury isn’t 100% realistic, but it’s more so than many TBIs we see in fiction.

It focuses on the intersection of disability and social class.  Tobias notes that Loren is under a compounded threat because of her inability to move to a more secure neighborhood and her obvious vulnerability.  He feels a lot of disgust with himself when he and Marco and Ax are harassing Loren, because it’s so clear that this isn’t the first time she’s been harassed.  Tobias understands that his experience with poverty as a nondisabled male minor is different from Loren’s for those reasons.

A few places where Loren falls into the common traps of implied ableism creeping into fiction, as written about in Narrative Prosthesis: 

She gets “cured.”  Loren falls into the “kill or cure” dichotomy, like most of the other disabled characters in Animorphs.  In her case, it’s that she gains the power to morph and in the process regains the ability to see.  It isn’t a complete cure, true — she still has no memory — but it means that she’s no longer blind for the rest of the series.  Having the occasional character no longer be disabled sometimes isn’t automatically problematic; having every disabled character get either “fixed” or killed off inherently treats the disabled body as a problem that needs to be solved, through sci fi nonsense if no other way is available.

She implies that she’d rather die than continue to be disabled.  When injured by dracon burns, Loren initially refuses to morph out even though Tobias tells her she’ll die if she remains a bird, because (they both assume) to morph out is to return to her blind human body.  This moment buys into the stereotype that it’s better to be dead than disabled, again inherently devaluing the lives of actual blind individuals.

There’s a certain amount of mystery around how she became disabled.  It’s interesting that we never actually get a definitive answer on that one — Loren says she was told it was a car crash, but there’s also an implication that she was attacked by controllers, and we don’t know for sure.  However, the fact of her disability is treated as an aberrant state that needs to be explained, the book inherently asking “why are you like this?”  By contrast (for instance) she doesn’t ask Tobias “why are you in the body of a hawk?”

She views herself as a burden, and the narration doesn’t do enough to contradict her.  Loren says that she couldn’t possibly be expected to raise a child while also blind and coping with a TBI.  Real blind people raise kids all the time, however, including blind single parents, and it’d be nice to see some evidence in the story that Loren’s assumption is wrong.  Loren also apparently assumes that she can’t begin to play a role in Tobias’s life even now that Tobias is more self-sufficient, again because she views herself as relatively helpless and non-contributing due to her disability.  There are some hints that she’s wrong, but we don’t really see her either begin to contribute to the resistance or build a relationship with Tobias until after she’s become un-blind.

Tobias’s view of Loren is often pitying.  As much as Loren doesn’t initially view herself as a potential maternal figure to Tobias, he doesn’t view her as a potential mentor either.  He repeatedly expresses horror or sadness at her life circumstances, and assumes that her life must be barren due to the spartan nature of her home.  (Of course, that begs the question of why the hell a blind woman living alone would ever bother hanging pictures on her walls or putting doilies on her coffee tables, but Tobias doesn’t consider that angle.)  Again, Tobias is allowed to assume that her life must be meaningless if she’s disabled, but it’d be nice to see some contradictory evidence in the form of her having close friends or inane hobbies or some other proof that to lead a disabled life is not to automatically lead a lonely one.

Loren expresses bitterness and desperate desire to be nondisabled.  Again, it’s fine for any character to say “I wish my life was different,” and it’s a common consensus among blind writers/bloggers that being blind is often a pain in the butt.  However, views as extreme as “you need vision to have a fulfilling existence” or “vision is part of what makes us human” are ableist crocks of shit.  Loren doesn’t go so far as to espouse those extreme views, but she also doesn’t seem to view herself as having a well-rounded life in spite of her disability.  It’d be nice to see Loren talking about sight as handy or enjoyable or a thing that the designers of 99% U.S. environments assume everyone must have, rather than a necessary precondition for a minimum standard of life.

Loren’s disability is somewhat medicalized.  Same caveat as above: disabilities are by definition medical things that some bodies do or have that other bodies do not.  However, discussing disability primarily through “this is how your body is different from Implied Normal of Nondisabled Body” and focusing on doctor’s notes, diagnoses, physical differences, etc. can serve to disconnect the lived experience of the individual from their body.  It also tends to focus on the ways that the body is “the problem” rather than focusing on the ways that environments and attitudes are problematic, which then prevents anyone from asking hard questions about the environments and attitudes.  Loren’s doctor’s note, discussion of scarring and loss, and repeated physical descriptions are somewhat more medical than social.  It’d be nice to see a little more emphasis on the social factors that make blindness a disability (e.g. improperly labeled milk), and less on “your eyes are different from those of Implied Normal Nondisabled Person.”

#animorphs #animorphs meta #long post #loren fangor #ableism #disability studies #disability representation #accessibility #social model of disability #animorphs criticism #blindness representation #49 #the diversion

[the-awkward-outlaw]

A New Adventure - Pt. 5

Okay, y’all, I know I have been extremely absent on this fic and it’s because I’m taking inspiration for this from my real life, but Covid literally destroyed all my plans and therefore put a halt on my inspiration for this. Also, feedback and people asking about if this would be continued literally saved this fic’s life! Don’t ever think that I don’t read your comments or put any weight to your feedback, because that is literally what got things rolling again for this one. Anyways, rant done! Happy reading! 

Masterlist

Read on AO3

Quarantini, anyone?

(Authors note: A lot of things, especially towards the end, are extremely fictional and have very little fact and I gloss over the aspect of time. Please don't hate me for that. I'm writing this purely for fun!)

Weeks before you'd met Arthur, you'd heard of the Corona virus. But it was in China then, certainly not a problem in your state.

After meeting Arthur though, the first case in Utah was reported. Still, it wasn't a bother. You thought nothing of it.

That was until, a few weeks later, news reports were that reported cases were skyrocketing. You looked up the symptoms and who was most at risk. Your heart dropped. Arthur was the perfect target as his immune system was highly affected by the TB. 

By this point, everyone in your office knew you had a roommate, but not much more than that. 

When you discovered Arthur was highly at risk, you decided not to take chances with him and asked to work remotely, to self quarantine. 

A week later has gone by and the entire state is in quarantine anyway. 

Arthur's confused. He's never heard of Covid, obviously. Why would he have? He finds it incredibly strange that a disease that was first reported in Asia has so quickly become a problem in the states. You have to explain internationality to him and how the entire world is basically connected.

Unlike the rest of the state, you decide not to go crazy and wipe out the shelves of toilet paper and other items. You're lucky in that you bought a large packet not long before this started. 

Still, the demand for certain items surprises you and Arthur. 

"What you supposed to do during a… quarantine like this?" he asks.

"I don't know, Arthur. The last big pandemic was during 1920 I think. Obviously long before my time." 

This is a whole new experience for both of you. 

Luckily you're easily able to set up an office at home so you can still work and not have to worry too much about money. However, your amount of work is affected.

You get worried rather quickly about how much work you're going to get. If you don't get work, you don't get paid. 

Arthur sees you worrying, even though you don't say anything. He tries to help lighten the load, but there's not much he can. 

Money is getting tight. You're starting to have to withdraw from savings. It doesn't help that Arthur will need a refill on his meds and they weren't cheap the first time. How the hell are you going to afford to take care of him and your dog?

Arthur is starting to worry about you. He knows how little sleep you've been getting, despite barely leaving the house. 

One night, Arthur sits you down on the couch before dinner and asks you to share your worries with him.

You've been so strong in front of him up to this point, not wanting him to see you as weak or pathetic. But that night, you break down. It helps to voice your worries, even though you know there's nothing he can do.

At least that's what you think.

The weekends are when you go to the store. Arthur's been coming with you more and more to the store. He likes to see what the world is like now. 

When you tell him to get ready to go to the store, he says he's not feeling very well. He has days where his TB is just worse than others. Although he's responding wonderfully to the medicine, it still seems to kick his ass. So he says he's going to stay home, get some rest. 

You bid him goodbye, saying you'll be longer than usual as you need to go to the pharmacy and get him more medicine. 

Your stomach drops when the pharmacist tells you the price. Thank God for your flex spending account, but it doesn't pay for the inhaler refills. Those you have to buy yourself, and it's nearly $100. You sigh. As much as you love having the Arthur Morgan as your roommate, right now is the worst time with this pandemic. 

When you get home and get the groceries carried in, Arthur puts a hand on your shoulder. 

"Y/N, before we put things away, I need to show you something." 

"Arthur, I got cold stuff. Will you help me? It'll be twice as quick." 

He gives you a sweet grin that makes you blush and agrees. Funny. You know what he's like on the days when he really doesn't feel good. He's usually lethargic and coughs a lot. Sometimes he even vomits. Once he fell unconscious and you had to drag him to bed (which was nearly impossible. He's a big, broad guy). 

Today though he's acting relatively normal. As you look a little harder at him as you move around the kitchen, putting things away, you notice he's got dirt on his skin, under his nails. His right elbow has a large scrape on it. 

As soon as everything's been put away, Arthur offers you his hand. This makes your stomach flip. He's never tried to hold your hand before this. 

He leads you into his bedroom and flips on the light. On his bed lies a large pile of money. Stacks and stacks of bills, piles of coins. What the hell?

After inspecting them, you notice the bills are not common day dollars. They're much bigger, the designs different. They're bills from the 1890's. The coins are exactly the same.

"I knew you was worried about money and I know I been a burden." You try to argue but he stops you. "So, when you was at the store, I snuck back to my world." 

He coughs as he says this. He's visited there a couple of times and every time he does, his TB comes back in full swing, making him relapse until he returns.

"I found a few treasure maps long before I got here," he continues. "So I managed to track 'em down. Also pulled a quick robbery on a bank stage. Anyways, thought this could be my way of contributing." 

You can't believe he's done this for you. You know Arthur has a soft, gentle side, but even you didn't expect this.

After counting the money, it all comes to over $1500. That will cover your expenses for over a month and adding what money you are making, you'll be fine. For a few months anyways and hopefully by that point, quarantine will be lifted. 

This all adds up and you realize you don't have to worry about money anymore. Arthur has done more for you than you could imagine and it brings tears to your eyes.

He's worried when he sees you beginning to cry, thinking he did something wrong. When you tell him it's because you're so grateful, he gives you another dazzling smile. 

"I just couldn't stand letting you do all the work and me just taking advantage. Maybe I'm just so used to helping folk I care about…" 

He's cut off by you hugging him. You're not a hugger, typically, but this has definitely earned him one. You hear him huff a little and he pats your back. 

"Thank you so much, Arthur." 

After doing some research on how to trade old bills for current ones, you end up with even more money because the money Arthur provided ends up being considered antique and "museum quality" (according to the appraiser). This means you leave with well over $50,000.

"Well well, Arthur," you say with a sly smile. "Turns out your robbing ways are still highly useful, even in my day." 

#arthur morgan #arthur morgan x female reader #red dead fanfic #a new adventure #i'm awkward

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #326

“life by life  /  waste to waste  /  i'm the harbinger: the master of decay”

When you get married what do you think you’ll put most of your focus and money into? Do you mean like, for the wedding? Probably the venue. Or possibly the photographer. Have you ever had a teacher that also taught your parents? No. What’s something you complain about frequently? My legs. Are you afraid of falling in love? Very. Are you close to any of your aunts/uncles? Not very. Do you hate it when people smoke around you? Very much so. Do you own anything that is special edition? Yeah, things like DVDs. Do you have any funky bookmarks? I have this one meerkat bookmark where the image moves when you tilt it. Did you ever watch Pokemon? Hell yeah I did. Are there more females or males in your family? Females. Does anyone in your family snore loudly? My mom does due to having gerd. Dad did too when I actually lived with him. I wouldn't know nowadays. Do you own a camera tripod? Yes. Did you ever believe in mermaids? No. Have you ever purchased alcohol? Yes. Any essential quirks/interests/other you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner? Similar interests, like being a metal fan and gamer especially, as well as a serious animal lover for sure. Any romantic gestures you really like? Okay if someone did that little bow thing while reaching out for my hand to dance, I'd melt, lol. I also appreciate love interests holding open doors, SHOWING INTEREST IN HOW I FCKN FEEL, asking permission before doing anything in sexual exploration, stuff like that. Any sexual fantasies? Are you daring enough to share one? Yep, not sharing those lmfao. Have you ever been in love? Twice. What is your favorite/least favorite word? My favorite is "serendipity/serendipitous," and my least favorite is "retarded." Have you ever been skinny dipping? No. If I actually had a body I was confident in, I probably would in privacy tho at night lmao. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Oh yeah. What is your favorite thing to do? Probably RPing with my favorite OCs when I'm in a really creative mood and during a great scene. Did you go to your senior prom? Yeah, I did. Prom's honestly pretty damn overrated, but I did it and his senior prom anyway. It's the picking out a beautiful dress and taking pictures that I loved. What did you do after graduation? I don't remember. We probably went out to eat or something. Favorite home cooked meal growing up? Spaghetti. What item most embarrasses you to purchase? Nothing, really. Do you give cards to people for holidays or events? No. Name the coolest thing about one of your grandparents. Uhhhhh idk. Name two things you put whipped cream on? I hate the texture of whipped cream. Do you ever eat peanut butter straight from the jar? Sometimes if I want a snack but am trying to be healthy-ish, I'll eat just a scoop. What was the last pill you took for? Pain. Do you prefer your clothes loose or close fitting? Loose, 100%. Favorite thing you’ve ever painted? Meerkats grooming. I did it in high school on a large piece of burlap. Are there any songs that remind you of your mother? "Take It Like a Woman" by Alice Cooper, for one. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? Very smart, sweet, friendly, and nice. Game you were best at in PE/gym? Pf, none. Obsession from childhood? Dinosaurs and Pokemon. Best way for someone to bond with you? Let's talk about deep stuff regarding the world or about how awesome animals are. Top 5 favorite Vines? Oh boy. There are just way too many. I'll try to name a few: 1.) the "I can't find my berries" saga guy; 2.) *in drive-thru, asked what he would like to order* "I wanna FUCKIN DIE"; 2.) "i cOUldA DROPpeD my CroISSAnt"; 3.) "it's Wednesday, m'dudes"; 4.) "a d a m"; 5.) "I WON'T HESITATE, BITCH." God, I miss Vine. What is the first meme you remember seeing? Holy cow, I have no idea. Sci-fi, fantasy, or superheroes? Fantasy. Favorite tradition? Dressing up for Halloween, even though I don't do it anymore... Talent you’re proud of having? Writing. Favorite website from your childhood? Webkinz was unbeatable. I was obsessed. Any good luck charms? I don't believe in those. Favorite potato food? French fries. Tell me the color of your eyes, without using the name of a color: Uhhhh a cloudy sky right before rain? Ever been through a goth phase? Goth is my fucking AESTHETIC. I wish I could afford a truly gothic wardrobe, because you bet your sweet ass it's all I'd wear out. Can you remember your first phone? If so, what kind was it? I think so? It was a Blueberry, I believe. Who is your favourite character from Alice in Wonderland? Obviously the Cheshire cat. What is your favorite type of YouTube video to watch? Lately, it's been tarantula and snake channels/pet YouTubers. I still think my overall favorites are let's plays, but right now it's just stepping back a bit. What’s the next project you are excited to start? I have this pretty cool drawing I wanna do of a morbid meerkat doing a big toothy smile, doing a peace sign (but his fingers are syringes) with a crown blinking over his head. Inspired by the "Professional Griefers" lyric of "lab rat king." I just really wanna make it perfect and am procrastinating in fear of failing... Have you ever experienced a miracle? I don't think I believe in miracles. What are your top three names you like for a daughter? Alessandra, Justine, and Chloe, to name a few. Which did you like better: high school or college? High school, at least in most ways. What is the theme of your bedroom? It doesn't have a theme. My interests just kinda threw up everywhere, haha. Have you ever lived in a dorm? No. Were you raised religious? Yes. Do you do your own taxes, or do you hire a professional? I don't have to do taxes yet. What was the very first thing you ever saved up to buy with your own money? Venus was the first big thing, I think. Describe your favorite Christmas ornament: I don't know what that would be, honestly. We have so very many. What jobs did your parents have when you were growing up? Dad's always been a mailman, and he also had a second job as a carpenter for a while. Mom worked with special needs children at my elementary school as a teacher assistant. She also worked at the hospital at one point, doing some computer work. I don't remember her actual position. Are you taller than your mom? We're the same height. Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? Sure, that's not a big deal to me. Last reason you went to the ER? For myself, a suicide attempt/overdose. What was the last word document you typed? This survey, actually, so I could save progress as I combine them. What’s something you don’t think people take seriously enough? Global warming. Have you ever dated someone who had a child from a previous relationship? No. Is there any drama currently going on with your family? No. What was the last fruit or vegetable you chopped/sliced up? An apple. I wanted apple slices with peanut butter. What is your favorite Hostess/Little Debbie snack? Holy SHIT that is impossible. Maybe the devil cakes, but I really don't know. I love most of them. Do you/your family buy loaf from the bakery or bagged on the shelf? Bagged. White, wheat or other? Mom buys white bread, but my favorite is pumpernickel. What was the last non-fiction book you’ve read? (Not a school textbook!): I ain't got a clue. I don't really read non-fiction. What color are your headphones/earbuds? These are blue. Would you be embarrassed to find out you snored loudly in public? Yep. Thankfully, I don't snore. Do you feel guilty about killing bugs? Yep. How do you feel about coconut? Not a fan. ^ Ever cracked one open? Ha, I've always wanted to. Who did you last worry about and why? My mom. She's getting a CT scan ASAP due to chronic headaches and stomach pain, so I'm worried her cancer might be re-emerging. When was the last time you ate/drank something gross just to be polite? I don't know; I struggle to do this. If I don't like something, my face shows it. I can't help it. When did you last make up a baby’s bottle? Never. Do you have any framed black & white photos in your home? Who are they of? No. What’s the most expensive thing your car needed to get done? N/A If you had a thousand dollars to spend on a pricey brand you like but can’t really afford (until now of course), which ONE brand would you chose? I don't know. Real talk, I find most luxury brands to sell pretty ugly stuff... Do you like candy canes? Yeah. Do you still talk to any of your old teachers? Yes; one is my landlord. What color was the dress you wore to your senior prom? It was black. Ever go to another school’s prom? No. Do you like burning candles or incense? I love incense. Do you ever venture into the woods? What do you normally do in there? When I used to live in the woods, I did every now and then to take pictures. Does your significant other ever make you mix CDs? Single, but that would be so romantic. /swoons How did you dress your freshman year of high school? I was this emo/metalhead/goth creature. What is the best present you have ever received? My dog Teddy. <3 What is the best present you have ever given? I put the most effort into a scrapbook thing of well over a hundred reasons I loved my then-boyfriend Jason. Even though we're done, I honestly hope he still has it, just to remember. What is the best surprise you have ever had? Sara's parents paying for a flight up there to be with Sara for her birthday. Have you ever been robbed? No, thankfully. Ever kiss someone on the first date? No. Ever sleep with someone on the first date? Definitely a nope. Ever give someone a wrong phone number on purpose? No. What’s the strangest thing you have ever witnessed firsthand? I have no idea. It's... very morbid, but possibly dogs twitching after being euthanized. Seeing Teddy do it was such a strange, painful experience. Like there was still life in there... even though I know it was just his nerves doing their final hoorah and he was already dead. Ever seen a psychiatric ward? I've been in a mental hospital five or six times, so I'm uncomfortably familiar with them. What is the last thing you did that you didn’t want to do? Group therapy. I'm really burning out on it. Thankfully, I don't have it on the weekends. What is the last thing you convinced someone else to do? I dunno. If you could live in a different time, would you? When? Nah. Do you prefer to sleep alone or with someone else? Sleeping alone is more comfortably physically, but I usually prefer sleeping with a partner because there's this amazing feeling of safety, love, and companionship. How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. Do you prefer cold air and blankets, or warm air and no blankets? Cold air and blankets by ten miles. I can't sleep if I'm even remotely hot. How often do you dust? Sigh, not as much as I need to. What is the most "extreme" activity you have ever done? I haven't done very much that fits that description... so idk. Dr. Pepper or root beer? Dr. Pepper. I hate root beer. Last room you cleaned? Mine. Last thing you did that made you feel like an adult? Checked into the doctor's office by myself, haha... Talk about sad. What’s your favorite picture of your mom? Dad? It's not my business to actually share those pictures, but I can describe them. I fucking ADORE this candid photograph I took of my mom laughing; I will forever cherish it. It's morbid to think about, but it's absolutely a picture I'll frame of her once she's passed away. I don't have many pictures of Dad, but I do really like this picture we took together at Red Lobster once. Are you subscribed to anything (Magazines, monthly boxes, streaming sites, etc.)? Mom pays an Adobe Creative Cloud photography bundle subscription for me, but that's it. Last TV show series you finished? Fullmetal Alchemist with Sara. It was a rewatch for me, but she'd never seen it. What’s something exciting that’s happened to one of your friends recently? A childhood friend got engaged a few days back. Do you have any board games? If so, where do you keep them? We have a few somewhere. What were the last things you glued together? I don’t recall. What are your friends’ pets’ names? I'll just use Sara here since she's my best friend. She has two family dogs, Buster and Beesly, a cat named Winter, four ball pythons named Martha, Crowley, Little Dot, and Jane Marie, and Doris, a bearded dragon that I personally adore most. :') What all did you do today? I played World of Warcraft early this morning, but not for very long. I've been in a phase of being very uninterested in it lately. I've mostly just done surveys... lots of surveys. I'm just in the mood to. I've also been listening to music and watching John Wolfe play Amnesia: Rebirth periodically. If you live in a house, how many floors does it have? If you live in an apartment building, how many units does it have? It's just one floor. Would you like to live in a world with mythical creatures, even if they turned out to be evil or dangerous? Honestly... I probably would, haha. Are you scared of heights? Yes. When was the last time you lost something of great sentimental value? Did you ever end up finding it again? Never, I think and hope. What food do you find to be the most filling? Is this something you eat a lot of? Eggs or oatmeal. Not really. What do you think of people who purposefully train their dogs to fight or to be aggressive? They're fucking garbage human beings. If you suffer/have suffered with acne, do you squeeze your spots or do your best to just leave them be? Ugh, I was so bad (and still am if something pops up) about picking at it. Does your father have any hobbies? What are they? Sure. He loves sports, fishing, idk if he still plays video games, fantasy football... and I can't forget playing with his grandkids. It's hard for me to know all of them when I don't live with him and see him rarely. What did the last face mask you wore look like? It was just a white cotton one. Is there a specific song that you always request at parties? What is it? I don't go to parties. Would you rather read poetry or write poetry? Write it. Have you ever had any really infected injuries? I've had infected piercings as well as a badly infected pilonidal cyst. Is there any band out there that you like every song by them? No. Are you popular on any websites? No. What was the last song you listened to? Aaaaand now I'm hooked on "NIHIL" by 3TEETH. Are you currently texting anyone right now? No. When was the last time you played jump rope? Yikes, probably not since I was a kid. I used to love it. Who was the last person you offended? I dunno. What’s the earliest you’ve ever had to wake up for work? Not early. Do you know anyone who has changed their first name? I know trans people who have, yes. Do you know anyone who has been on life support and survived? No. At least, I don't believe so. Do your parents have a strong relationship together? They're divorced, and Mom at least can't stand him. Dad doesn't really care. Do you ever feel like you’re sharing too much about yourself online? Oh, I absolutely used to. I still might, idk. I've tried to reel it back some. How many windows are in the room you’re in? Eight, but they're just small, vertical rectangles stacked together, so it's not as revealing as it sounds. What was the last necklace you wore? My spiked choker, I think, for pictures. Or maybe the one I have with a bunch of big silver skulls. Do you think there are more dimensions than what we’re able to perceive? I don't think so, no. Does anyone in your family have schizophrenia? My half-sister on Dad's side that I've never met. Have you ever been in an abandoned house? A shack, yeah. Do you like art? I positively adore it. I could NOT imagine life without it. How about theatre? I don't care for it. Have you ever made breakfast for someone? Yes, for Sara. Do you talk to your crush? If you have one. Yeah, she's my best fren. If yes, what do you usually talk about? Nowadays I ask her almost daily how she's doing in regards to her progress of recovering from both serious physical and mental stressors. I try to always be an available ear if she ever wants to vent. Would you rather read or watch a video about something? Watch a video. In what ways have you fulfilled some of the hopes and dreams you had as a teenager? I've fulfilled none of those. What’s one stressful thing you’ve been trying to deal with lately? How have you been dealing with it? Inexplicable, chronic boredom/serious anhedonia. I've just... put up with it. I get pleasure out of essentially nothing most days, and it sucks big time. I just try to distract myself and force myself to do things I usually love, though I've been bad about actually succeeding in making me do said stuff... Is there a regional chain of store/restaurant/etc. in your area that you feel very loyal to? MOTHERFUCKIN BOJANGLE'S, BITCH. You think YOU have good fries somewhere? Oh hunny, sit down. Oftentimes, people warn us against getting tattoos or body modifications or dying our hair unnatural colors because we could be judged poorly for them. But has a more “alternative” look ever worked out in your favor? Well, I like myself better with my piercings and tattoos, and that's all that really matters to me. Do you have any daily routine/habit of that you’re really proud of keeping up? No. .-. Pick one of the following activities to do in a forest (assume you would be equally good at each one of these): Foraging for mushrooms, identifying trees, searching for specific types of bugs, trying to build something out of fallen branches and logs. Searching for bugs w/ my camera!!! But that all sounds fun. What’s the hardest class you’ve ever taken? My most recent math course that I failed horribly.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''master of decay'' by 3teeth

[twiststreet]

Wild day in the comics. 

I always wonder if there’s a way the internet talks about these kinds of things that are maybe a little puritanical (or maybe come across that way since so many of the critical details of what need to be discussed can’t be divulged because of who might be hurt by them, which I always see people not understand because they’ve never had friends and as a result, no one has ever confided in them).  Not even just comics, but just generally on the internet? For all the talk of “Sex positivity”, I find the internet generally a kind of a very shame-filled environment, except for the comment sections to low-grad Japanese pornography which are filled with acceptance (and a startling amount of fan-fiction involving the characters in low-grade Japanese pornography). Or people are just so fucking messy in ways that’s hard to really discuss, without sounding like some regressive baboon... I saw some tweets where I was like, “have you ever met a real person” today, at least.  (Or that gross amount of “I never liked their work” that heroes always need to pipe up with... jesus, shut the fuck up shut the fuck up shut the fuck up...)  

On the other hand, I mean, I wasn’t around cons for very long-- I did San Diego for maybe 7 or 8 years (about ‘01 or ‘02 to ‘09) and... I’m a self-centered introvert so for me to notice things about other people is wild to begin with, it has to be pretty in-your-face to compete with a mirror for me, I’m very handsome and my Mom says I’m a special boy, but.  There were still times when the Not Okay of it all was pretty noticeable!  I remember a buddy and I quietly excusing ourselves from a Dudes Being Dudes Talking About Ladies Conversation one of those years, and my friend saying to me afterwards, like, “God, that sucked so much to be around.”  He was right-- it did!  Or just... I don’t know-- it’s hard to describe.  Those were all weird experiences, and I’m an unreliable narrator!  (And yeah, sure, Ellis stories floating in the aether on the ol’ antennae back then...)

Or to make it selfishly about a narrow axe-to-grind only I care about, but all the “retrospectives” of the Warren Ellis Forum that forget to mention what an utterly creepy place it was online?  There were all these retrospectives about a year or two ago, that were like, “Aaah, the WEF!  Thanks to the WEF, comics were advanced!  Now, thanks to the WEF, we have Keiron Gillen comics from BOOM! Studios that ask ‘What if your grandmum was a pop star?’  The WEF is to thank for Boom Studios comics about grandmums-- Boom Studios:  Why pay talent when you can pay the lease on expensive MIracle Mile office space instead?  #push-leases-forward.  Thanks to the WEF, we have a Captain Marvel movie that asked the timely question, ‘What if a shoe commercial?’   Hallowed be its name...”

And I just kept sitting there remembering-- not just the snideness towards all of comics history, but there’d be these like constant “hey... hey, why don’t you put up photos of yourself in a tank top flicking off a camera” threads...? Or just this... It wasn’t even just reddit-y internet horniness so much as like that combined with that creepy totally-unearned no-resume comics swagger of that place and just... I don’t know.  God, that place just used to make my skin crawl... 

But all these people talking about these spaces that aren’t, like, reachable by any of these conversations...?  My guess: BarCon doesn’t give a shit what’s getting talked about on twitter.  Older Comics is on Facebook (I’ve been looking at Older Comics Internet lately-- just a lot of old comics people angry at Trump in a Facebook way-- it’s pretty adorbs).  Or there are people who I know talk about  “networking” and “Being positive” and “getting gigs” and whatever, and tuning out everything else.  A colorist who wants to earn some sweet $20 a page gig at Boom-- why are they going to risk that sweet Boom! paycheck they got from responding to a tweet saying “put up your portfolio no one wants to work with us twice once they realize how little money they get please put up your portfolio”?  I don’t know. I’m sure other people get all of this and What Should Be Done, though, and I don’t because I’m like a real dumb guy.  But I just spent most of my life being just really handsome and when you’re really handsome, you never have to learn how to be smart.  Why do you think Ben Affleck always looks so sad in photos?  *Checkmate*

Or just there was that crowd at cons that was just ... around?  I remember there was one guy who I found kind of obnoxious when I’d see him around, and I’d ask people, like “who even is that guy? Why is he so loud?”  And the answer was “Oh that guy?  He's not in comics-- he just likes to drink.  He just comes to these *from overseas* cause he likes to drink.”  The people running away from their lives.  And I was one of those people!  I had no reason to be there.  I was running away from my life!  I just wanted to buy copies of Flight, the anthology that changed everything... So it’s like... There were those people!  

Cameron Stewart, though... Man.  You just can’t be dating teenagers when you’re a grown man!  You’re not in a 70′s mid level rock band struggling with their own limitations in the harsh face of stardom!  You're not an iBanker in mid-00′s New York (and probably current day NYC, for all I know).  You’re not Paul Walker (RIP).  It’s not to be done!  Sure, half plus seven is a cruel church, as you get older, but a man’s reach should exceed his grasp or else what’s a heaven for.  Or I just keep thinking about how lots of comedians are gross or fuck or whatever (they call their groupies “chucklefuckers,” or whatever, for godsakes), but Fred Armisen has “victims.”  Like, Fred Armisen is the one surrounded by sirens that are going off.  You know?  Like, how lenient the lines are and how some people still have to go outside of them...! The lines are so lenient!!!  

Or I just keep asking myself... What if my grandmum *had* been a pop star?  It’s haunting.  It’s a haunting question.  #push-inkers-to-work-nearly-for-free

#Worst Hobby or Worstest Hobby?

[laws-hat-headcanons]

10 + 10

I realised after I had posted this that I did it on a reblog that was already pretty long... so I have now done a separate post to try and make it smaller! Sorry! 

I was tagged twice to do this and was writing out my answers when Coop tagged me AGAIN!! So I am sorry to all of you, this is long and you're going to learn more about me than you probably wanted to!!

Answer 10 questions then add 10 of your own: 

@lucynnamonroll thank you for the first Tag flower!

1. A dream that you still remember?

I dreamt once that someone was chasing me and my dog and they bit me, took a big chunk out of my arm. And then my dog gave me this big blue fruit and my arm grew back. My dreams are always very strange.

2. What job did you want to do when you were younger?

I wanted to be a vet but I am way too emotional around poorly animals and also not smart enough to learn how to treat them haha!

3. And now? Did it has changed?

Yeah, I don't think I was ever cut out to be a vet. I'd like to work with animals though, maybe kennels or something? Zoo Keeper would be cool.

4. A favorite game?

I'm gonna take this as video game... There are a lot. I love Mass Effect and Dragon age, Gears of War... but Horizon Zero Dawn was amazing. I loved every single thing about it. Beautiful game, great story – just.. chefs kiss

5. Where did you have traveled? (Either it’s in your country or not)

I've been a few places- France, Spain, Somewhere else hot but I can't recall where... Ireland, Scotland. I was supposed to have gone to Bulgaria at the beginning of May but Coronavirus done fucked me over.

6. Did you have a totem animal/a favorite animal?

Ever since I was about 6 wolves have been my favourite animals. I originally started drawing so I could create a wolf fursona …. siiigghhh

7. Did you/Do you have a teddy bear to help you to sleep? How it was looking?

Yes, a little dog called Custard. He is a beige colour with brown ears but is still in pretty good condition. He sits on my desk chair when I'm not using it.

8. THE animated (or not) serie of your childhood/teenage years?

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES – heroes in a half shell, turtle power!! I was also hella into Dragon Ball Z on Toonami when I was a kid. I remember we went to see some family up north and they didn't have Toonami and I cried because it was mid way through the Buu arc and I was gonna miss it.

9. Do you have anime/series/movie/whatever things merch?

I have a few bits. A Hatake Kakashi figure, one for Katakuri and Zoro. A heart Pirates hoodie. I think I have Kid's wanted poster somewhere...

10. How was your day?

Oh. It was a day. I slept through most of it. My energy/motivation levels are pretty low at the moment. But it was sunny, so that was nice.

@luffytarhoe thank you for my second tag!! 💙

1- What’s your favorite show/anime of the moment ?

I don't watch a huge amount of anime despite the focus of this blog. So probably One piece on that front. Otherwise I am watching Outlander atm, which is pretty good but there is sooooo much sex. An ungodly amount of sex.

2- What type of music are you into?

My music tastes are quite varied. I like stuff that you can listen to and put into a situation, so usually sad stuff where I can imagine I am the main character weeping over the bodies of my fallen comrades. Also Goo Goo Dolls!

3- If you could have one superpower , what would it be ?

Probability, or luck. Like Domino in Deadpool. That's always been such a cool concept to me.

4- What’s your favorite color ?

Blue and all it's hues. Maybe teal if I had to get specific.

5- Do you prefer animated or live action shows/series ?

I am happy with both. Though some animated shows should stay animated – looking at you ATLA...

6- Do you believe in ghosts ?

I believe that energy never disappears, only changes forms and I don't think that's any different for whatever happens to people energy once we die. I'm a big wimp though so it's easier for me not to believe in them!

7- Do you speak any foreign language(s) ? if yes which ones ?

No, sadly I never had a talent for languages. I'd love to speak Gaelic though.

8- Your n°1 fictional character ?

Probably Stone from the Raksura book series. He's just a fun grumpy old shapeshifting man.

9- Would you say you’re more of an extrovert or an introvert?

Definitely an introvert. I like me time. And all my hobbies are single person hobbies so that doesn't help haha.

10- What was the best vacation you ever took and why?

I haven't been on holiday in over 10 years but we went to a zoo in Spain once and a Monkey sat on my head. That was pretty rad.

@doctorgerth and finally, thank you for my 3rd tag!!

1. What are your zodiac signs (sun, moon, rising, if you know them) and do you think they fit you pretty well?

I am an Aries and that is pretty much the extent of my knowledge on the subject. Aries are meant to be pretty hot headed and outgoing and I can only really claim to be one of those thing and only when I need to be. So no, I'm not sure it fits me.

2. What is your favorite clothing item and/or accessory?

I don't reallllly care a lot about clothes and or stuff. So I guess either my glasses because I need them to see long distances (and to drive) or my phone if that counts as an accessory because that has all my crap on it.

3. Any future children or pet names?

Noooooooooooooo and no

4. If you could meet anyone (can be past, present, future, real, or fictional) who would it be?

I would have liked to have met Steve Irwin I think. He seemed pretty chill and I grew up watching Crocodile Hunter on TV so he was a big hero of mine for a long time. Also the Rock or Jason Mamoa because of reasons....

5. Brag on yourself! What’s something you love about yourself?

I am passably amusing and guess I write okay too haha

6. What is a movie or show that you could rewatch a million times and never get tired of?

The film Evolution is endlessly funny to me and it makes me laugh every time I watch it. I used to have it on VHS and I kept a video player in the house to watch it until my cousin got it for me on DVD (Yes I am old.)

7. What is your favorite album of all time?

I haven't listened to it in a long time but I really loved Maroon 5 – Songs about Jane.

8. Do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens? If you have stories to back up, plz share.

I want to belllieeveeeeee! Ghosts, yes, hesitantly but I think I answered that in a previous one. Aliens 100% because I refuse to believe that we are the only sentient life the universe. It's just... statistically impossible.

9. What do you do/who do you look to for inspiration?

I guess human being wise my mum is my inspiration for a lot of things? She's just a lovely person and she's very kind and sweet. I am very aware that we are not much alike, but I look to her as the sort of example of a good person. Creativity wise it's just a clusterfuck of books and badly organised pinterest boards.

10. What is your happiest memory?

Practically anything that has my nephews in it I guess. They're just... hilariously weird little dudes and I love them so much. They always make me laugh.

And here are my questions!!

1. What is your favourite book?

2. What is you most loved item and why?

3. If you got the chance to travel to another planet (knowing you would never see your friends or family again) would you do it?

4. One song that makes you cry?

5. Do you believe in supernatural stuff? Ghosts and Monsters and Fairies? Any experiences with it?

6. What is the most embarrassing thing you have ever witnessed or had happen to you?

7. What one thing would you buy if you had the money?

8. What is your worst habit/personality trait?

9. If you could alter your body with one cool feature, what would it be? (camera eyes, monkey tail, etc)

10. Do you have the patience to play a full game of Monopoly with no breaks?

I'll tag @pinkhatlizzy @nakunakunomi @lirulee @one-piece-dumpster-fire and anyone else who wants to answer my dumb questions!! Tag me because if you decide to do it so I can see your answers 💙

#hat talks #tag game

[psychefm]

talk to the hand [ TIMOTHEE CHALAMET ], [ REED ‘NEWT’ NEWTON ] is the new kid on the block around here. at [ TWENTY ], the [ CIS BOY] works at [ BABBAGE’S ] in the mall and, like, [ HE ] totally reminds us of [ CHANDLER BING ]. oh snap! what? their favorite movie is [ HOME ALONE ]???? so is mine!

ABOUT THE MUN.  i used to lie to y’all, my mom didn’t say no, i did

i hate this site man. and that’s it, that’s all you gotta know about me. 

BIO. good news!!!! i’ve successfully replaced all my emotions with jokes !!!! tw bullying

reed newton was born in london england to sylvia anne bixby and cornelius otis newton and honestly, he’s regretted it ever since.

newt was an accident. he was the product of one of his mother and father’s first ever lustful encounters, and their subsequent shotgun wedding so honestly they both spent most of newt’s formative years in the honeymoon period. some of newt’s earlier memories are of him walking in on his parents doing the devil’s tango in the broom closet and his nanny rushing to cover his eyes. good times. 

honestly newt walked in on his parents doing the do more times than any kid should have before the age of nine. and then he walked in on a parent doing the do with a non parent. in other words newt got an eyeful of his father and the pool boy and it wasn’t long after that that his parents went through a long and messy divorce. once again, good times. 

his mother decided to pack up their things and move herself and her nine year old very impressionable son to nebraska, because fuck that kid amiright. newt was quickly designated as the skinny weird nerdy kid with glasses and a funny little accent, and so as you can guess he was pretty mercilessly bullied from age nine to eighteen. he really never stood a chance.

i feel like this is a good time to mention that newt’s mother was a sex therapist, which is not the same as a regular therapist but still, therapist is in the name. he should have been able to talk to his parent in this time of strife and get some level of support right? nope. sylvia bixby is well known for writing a men are from mars, women are from venus like book on communication and dating and all that, so his mom was generally on book tour after book tour. but maybe she would have been supportive if she was ever actually around, right? again, nope. 

unbeknownst to newt whenever his mother was around she was not only just casually psycho analyzing her only child for shits and giggles, no, she as also writing about it. newt’s mother wrote an entire book about raising a highly repressed teenage son with newt as the star, and you can only guess what that did for newt’s stellar high social status in high school. nothing great. 

did newt ask her not to publish it once he realized she had wrote it? yes. did she still publish it? also yes. so newt and his mother no longer have the greatest relationship. holidays are awkward.

things were not better on his fathers end, but it wasn’t because his father particularly did anything nearly as tone deaf as his mother. yes, his father was a famous erotica novelist and yes that made newt’s life a living hell, but newt luckily wasn’t the subject of those books. neil transitioned from writing fabio like novels to writing some lgbt fiction which, great for representation, horrible for your teenage son who is now known around school for having a dad who writes porn. to top it off, neil ended up starting a long term relationship with the pool boy and gaining a pseudo step son from it. benjamin caley was not only more athletic than newt, not only more attractive than newt, but also better than newt in every single way imaginable which was a real self esteem booster. his father actively prefers benji and every time newt visits him in england over the summers he comes home hating himself a bit more.

which works out because after the book being published, most people kind of hated newt too so at the very least he was on trend. there was a lot of classic nineties bullying you know, wedgies, swirlies, shoving newt into lockers. all very cliche. newt would tell his bullies as much, but it never really went over that well. 

but then finally newt graduated. he was free from the hell that was the public education system and his childhood household. he graduated with honours, moved out of his mother’s house, and got himself his own apartment with a roommate near the mall where he got his first real job. 

goes to university for software engineering. has an internship at apple that he’s absolutely terrified to mess up. has an old beat up car that was like the first big purchase he ever made with his own money, so he loves it to death even though it’s a piece of shit. 

PERSONALITY.  do you fear me? don’t feel so special now. i have social anxiety. i fear everybody.

this is my first time playing newt so all of this is subject to change BUT

INSECURE. newt is a weird mix of cripplingly insecure and weirdly confident and there is no in between ever.

WITTY.  humour is and always will be the only defense newt has against anything, so he makes a lot of jokes especially when he feels uncomfortable.

EMPATHETIC. newt is a big push over when it comes to emotions like he would never do anything to hurt someone unless it was by accident or he was provoked or you’re his step brother benji or either of his parents in which case he will run you over with his car on sight. but no really, if newt is in a position where he has to hurt somebody he will do absolutely everything in his power to either not or avoid the situation completely. 

AWKWARD. sometimes honestly, although it depends on the day. v clumsy though. usually he can try to make his awkwardness funny but does he always succeed? the answer is no. 

HEADCANNONS.  actually all of my systems are nervous.

has to drink like six cups of coffee or tea a day. very serious about his tea because english. also has vegemite on his toast. 

can actually cook pretty well even though he prefers to eat takeout. cooks because it’s cheaper and he’s a broke ass student yk. won’t take money from his parents ever, and will straight up give it away if it’s forced upon him. 

writes star trek fanfic for fun and has a kind of weird relationship with writing because of his parents honestly?? but he enjoys it so, maybe the apple in fact does not fall from the tree. 

has commitment issues because of his parents divorce but don’t we all. 

developed a stutter after all the divorce drama because he thought it was his fault. he later had to see a speech therapist. his mother later had a fwb relationship with this same speech therapist. newt wanted to die. 

traded his glasses for contacts and you will literally only see newt in glasses if he rips or loses his contacts or if he’s at home. 

in love with all things sci fi, will rent and see every sci movie ever made if he can 

accidentally knocks down at least one display in babbages per day so there’s that.

speaking of newt runs a small side gig out of babbages where he fixes up tech because paying for university, rent, and car insurance out of pocket gets up there. so if you need someone to fix your desktop newt is your guy. 

is actually a pretty good flirt when he’s drunk or feels comfortable. is constantly teetering between painfully insecure and confident. 

is very bi and very hesitant about it because of his father and all his feelings towards that, but he will eventually stop fighting it so much soon hopefully. has probably had a few drunken hookups with guys but tries to convince himself that is just a drunk thing yk. 

is allergic to bees so death has a kiss just for him i guess. 

loves video games but that goes without saying

has anxiety and takes medication for it, one of the few healthy things his mother has ever done for him. 

speaking of his mother if newt ever sees her book about him in a book display he will spend as much time as needed taking each book and hiding them in obscure places so that no one will ever be able to find them and buy them. he read the whole thing because he had to know and yep he absolutely hates it. 

goes by newt and only newt so that no one can make the connection between him and his mother or his father upon first meeting him or hopefully ever. a lot of the kids he went to high school with still know though and with the accent and everything, he’s not fooling anyone who has at least heard a rumour 

idk what else y’all imma fite tumblr for making me write this twice

WANTED CONNECTIONS.  actually wait, i take that self deprecation back, i’m great.

ROOMMATE. because newt can’t afford his place on his own between all his expenses. please. think of the shenanigans. 

ON AGAIN OFF AGAIN THING. kind of inspired by chandler and janice tbh. these two are pretty incompatible and whenever they’re together all they talk about is breaking up with each other but whenever they’re broken up and they see each other they somehow always find themselves waking up in bed together the next morning. it’s a mess.

NERD SQUAD. give me newt’s friends from high school please and thanks. just a crew of absolutely dweebs and misfits. 

FWB/EWB. self explanatory considering newt’s big commitment issues but i just imagine like making out in the back room and like hooking up in the break room and someone leaving like a damning article of clothing in there and the two of them scrambling to get it before anyone notices. just fun. 

EX. self explanatory but yes, an ex gf or bf, an ex fwb or ewb, give me all the exes please. 

REPEAT CUSTOMER. this person is always paying newt to come fix their computer and other tech and newt just doesn’t understand how they mess it up so badly. like he doesn’t get how or why technology hates them as much as it does, but he’ll take the money.

HATESHIP. just good old fashion animosity. could be hate from school or the fresh hate upon working in the mall together or they can just be newt’s least favourite customer and he can hate them for that. 

CRUSH. maybe newt had a crush on them in school. maybe they had a crush on newt in school. maybe newt has a crush on them now. maybe they have a crush on newt now. 

and anything else tbh. i’d love a smoking buddy for newt, a friend who he can never get any work done around like when they’re together they’re just like !!!, someone who used to be one of the popular kids who he is now getting along with or still holding a grudge against, his big gay awakening in school maybe like the first masc person he had a crush on, someone who tries to get newt to party and come out of his shell, someone who idk steals from babbages skjsdj idk man i am open to anything at all so just like this and we can brain storm if anything!

#vhsintro #r.n. | intro. #using this gif of timmy surfing cause when else am i gonna get the chance #but oof finally done

[alyseofwonderland]

Alyse Reads The Goldfinch, Part 2

What follows is my best attempt at liveblogging. I had the books as an audiobook in hopes that I could keep it from taking even more of my life from me. This was perhaps a mistake. I think I broke Siri trying to make notes. The notes that are rambly are the ones I dictated.

I entirely blame @rollono​ for my suffering. But I am also aware that it seems to give her joy. 

Every time I reference Tara, I am talking about @wellntruly​ who’s own live blog of the book was the only roadmap I had to follow in this waterlogged wasteland of a novel.

Part 1

I thought Tara was making up the Camel-hair coat bit but APPARENTLY NOT.

Architecture has that much to do with the city and or northern Europe, really? I mean, “whitewash” doesn't everybody do that?

Nina ( @proud-librarian​ ) is going to have a lot to say about their descriptions of the Netherlands and Amsterdam in this book. like oh my God!

Theo Deckard doesn't understand how thermostats work.

This isn't satire? I don't understand we're like three minutes in and it has to be satire. right. right?

Who the hell says my mother and I didn't like my father much? like what.... what is this? what am I reading? what is happening? what.... I don't understand.... okay maybe fine whatever

This feels like it should be... I don't know.... satire is the word I'm looking for again. I don't want to just repeat what Tara, said but Jesus. the start of the story is he is rich enough to have a Doorman but not rich enough to afford the fancy private school, and him and his friends break into vacation homes in the Hamptons. what is this? what is this? I just... just.... just write a Jane Austen or Lord Byron novel if that's what you want to do just do that. do that.

My audiobook app just turned itself off in the middle of a passage because it decided I didn't need to listen to Theo talk about whatever he was talking about.

Curse you, Donna Tartt, for also being in the "all things coconut smell like suntan lotion" club. I did not want to have this in common with you.

I am laughing so hard it turns silent into my steering wheel because the audiobook reader makes Tom Cable sound like a surfer dude from the 70s,  and I. cannot. handle. that.

"I like to think of myself as a perceptive person" is basically the way that I know that Theo has about Harry Potter level skills of observation when it comes to the people around him.

Y'all this book would be so much better if Theo actually thought like a 13-year-old that he is supposed to be in the intro part. That would just be peak comedy, which is really what I'm looking for.

Audrey Decker and the Laura Moon from American gods are now the two people that I have ever known to call men "puppy" which I still find alarming, in both cases. Surprisingly they also both die, so I guess more things they have in common.

The longer this book goes on the more clear it is that I am not bougie enough for its contents. ( timestamp 30 minutes)

(GIF BY @rollono​ BY MY REQUEST FOR EVERY TIME THIS BOOK MAKES ME FEEL POOR)

I just can't suspend my disbelief enough to think that a 13-year-old would know this much about their parent's job and be able to ask questions. I'm trying to think of what my dad was doing when I was 13, and I mean I know where he worked, and I know who his boss was, but if you tried to ask me daily issues or me giving advice... oh my gosh. I just can't. nobody talks like this.

I’m making a face akin to Kermit the frog. 

I threw up in my mouth a little at the description of Pippa walking past in the museum.

Did we just describe a 12-year-old girl's arms as marble? is that what just happened? did I just have to listen to that?

Theo has given me a lot of like “Golden State killer” vibes right now with his desire to poke around through all these people's homes and stuff. like this is clearly the Visalia ransacker's motivation in the 70s. I know too much about true crime, that's what's happening right now.

The true-crime serial killer alarms keep going off in my brain.

I know Tara already mentioned how ridiculous the Murphys bed story is but it really is incredibly ridiculous and breaks the tension of the entire scene that is occurring at the time (laughed uncontrollably to the point that Siri typed nonsense)

I get it, Donna, you know things. You do not have list every fire truck to prove it.

Let's take a child to a dinner at 3 am. Really Donna?

Why does Donna insist on giving me the text of signs around whats going on? Why did I just listen to the smoothie specials while an emotional scene is occurring?

Donna, did you just call Mrs. Barough a weasel?  [afronted gasp]

OI!  (me shouting when Donna says that Andy was weird for being lactose intolerant.)

Pukes in my mouth a little at the term 'high verbal'. I get it, Donna, you think you are smarter than all of us stop being a dick.

Donna Tartt would make it to r/iamverysmart in like a minute if she understood how the internet worked.

WHO TAUGHT HER ABOUT FMA?

Okay, so either Donna Tartt knows someone who lost a parent and basing this off them or like went through it herself because I am white-knuckling through the grief bits trying not to have my own trauma response to the situation. Or she wrote Theo with like the exact grief I had. Her incessant need to list things in a room is the only thing between me and a spiral of remembering my dad's death.

ANDY IS A RAY OF LIGHT AND DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE IN THIS FAMILY OR IN THIS BOOK!

Five whole hours before the first sight of Hobie. Like Jesus.

I miss Terry Pratchett.

Hobie thank you for making this book interesting again.

Hobie is now my main squeeze and I won't hear a word against him.

POE DIDN'T INVENT SCIENCE FICTION FUCKING MARY SHELLY DID. DONNA WHAT THE FUCK.

The Hobie part of the story just makes me more sure that a version of the movie should have been without the Baroughers (sp?) and only included Hobie and Pippa.

Any is a murderino. I love this baby boy.

Aw, I love Hobie so so much.

Donna if you call Andy annoying one more time you are gonna catch my hands. (She just referred to his voice as annoying twice in a conversation and I swear to god I will rip this character out of her snobbish clutches she doesn't deserve him.)

Theo on this we agree, I too enjoy Hobie.

Hobie is the only person who belongs in this novel and he's a god damn delight.

SEVEN HOURS AND THE PAINTING HAS COME UP AGAIN FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LITERAL HOURS.

Theo straight up using Spanish to fuck over his father is just *chef's kiss.

I can see how much contempt Donna has for Xandra is longer and deeper than this book will ever be.

I am going to suplex Larry Decker I swear to god. (i have a very particular trigger to spouses bad-mouthing the dead one due to personal experience.)

Necco wafers are no one's favorite candy Donna. You can't just say shit like that and expect anyone to believe you.

I have just realized that Donna Tartt has never been to a public library. How do I know? Witchcraft books are never on the shelves. Ask any librarian. They are stolen pretty much the moment we buy them.

I am standing dead in the tea aisle at the store because Theo just thought it would be “gay” to tell the doormen he has known almost his whole life he is gonna miss them.  (hours later I realize this is her backtracking in edits going "shit shit shit I have to add the repression in somewhere for those dumb readers that don't understand art" and I hate it more.)

Mrs. B is ready to physically fight Larry and I would pay real money to see it.

WHY DOES DONNA KNOW ABOUT DRAGON BALL Z?!? Step away from the things I love Donna I don't trust you near my media. (Also why she does reference it she clearly has NO concept of what DBZ hair would even look like to expect me to believe any child could achieve it.)

oh my god, Boris. I'm so happy to see you.

I am happy to report the audiobook narrator does not do an Australian accent for Boris. Thank the lord.

I knew I was going to love Boris but like a few minutes in I adore him.

It's interesting to me that Theo and Boris seem to have received similar amounts of attention/affection from non-parent adults, but while Theo finds it uncomfortable Boris soaks it in.

The Australian part of Boris's accent seems impossible.

*sobbing audibly into my keyboard* Popchyck

Boris you sweet like socialist.

Comrade Boris we need you in this election.

I'm sad he (Boris) doesn't get to go to college and like piss off every yuppie and hippie, and just make Philosophy 100 and Government 250 absolute hell for everyone.

Drunk Boris at Thanksgiving is a gift.

Me listening to this book before Boris: half paying attention, fucking around on my computer, doing chores. Me after Boris shows up: staring at the middle distance determined to listen to every fucking word because this prison sentence of a novel is finally interesting.

James: you said the author is a snob and you aren't enjoying the main character.  Me: yeah James: then stop reading it. Me: No, then Donna and her Anna Wintour knock off hair cut will win. James, frowning and backing out of the room: k sweetie.

6:30 am is too early to hear Theo Decker describe his bed as "our bed"

I WAS RIGHT. Boris belongs in college making every American white kid absolutely furious in every Poli-sci.

Larry Decker calling Theo and Boris his "kids" made my heart skip a beat.

So the nurse notices they don't have vitamins and smell but doesn't call child services. I mean I know that I learned that school nurses are less likely to call CFS on white kids than they are on black kids but like god damn.

The sheer salt of Theo refusing to learn the name of Boris’s girlfriend is so hilarious.

Now *this* is gay.

The truth is Theo is ready to cut a bitch.

Fellas is it gay to do shots while your boyfriend talks about his girlfriend?

Theo trying to set up Boris with like a nice polite girl who won't fuck him is fucking hilarious. This poor baby gay.

Theo (and Donna cuz she writes him) have never heard of learning disabilities and I will legit throw down.

LARRY IS A SCORPIO IN CANON?! I thought that was something from the fan fics. omg Ally hates this.

No one wears white sport coats Donna stop trying to make it happen.

Boris totally knows what's going on with Larry and he's just trying to look out for Theo because he loves Theo but oh my gosh Boris why do you make me feel so many feelings!

Please, Donna, I am begging you to stop telling me what the light from the sun looks like at different times of the day. I just can't take it anymore. Every scene of Theo in Xandra's house does not need the qualifier of what type of sunlight he is seeing. Some times fine. But every time?

My entire stomach just dropped when I realized what Boris has done, and I'm just I'm so sad. this is not how I wanna start my commute to work today.

I have just had my first moments of being very proud of Donna's writing, because long long time ago, in the same chapter, she had the bit about how Xandra will say "apparently" when she's being bitchy with Theo and now in a conversation where Theo isn't paying attention to her she says "apparently" to Larry and I just had to stop and say this, this is the writing I'm looking for Donna. This is clever and interesting and I LIKED IT. Stop making lists and do more of this.

Friendship ended with Book Boris, Movie Boris is my best friend now.

I don't understand how the director and the screenwriter of the film could move who said those lines and then not make it gay. Like, commit to your choice.

My mom: You finish that book yet? Me, angrily: No. My mom slightly worried: do you like it? Me: unclear.

NEW CHAPTER!

Theo, I need you calm all the way down when you are looking at Pippa.

Love this lawyer. I want to be his friend.

God poor Pippa. All the shit she goes through and she still has to put up with Theo's weird obsession.

Theo, you slid right back into the serial killer habits in a second and I want you to stop it.

Oh god, I feel that in my soul. Like "no sir you have it wrong I look more like the parent I like best." (also I do look more like my dad. like way more like him)

I am begging someone to get Theo some kind of hobby or help or something so he stops acting like a victorian ghost.

I am gonna have to get the actual book so I can see what weird spelling is going on with the text messages. I just know its weird. The narrator does it in such a weird voice.

We spent so much time dealing with emotional issues and other whatnot that going back to the bit about the painting feels like a huge tonal shift in the book. I'm like staggering around confused.

Literally no one uses strawberry shampoo.

Love that Theo ‘s final plan is the one Andy purposed an eon ago.

Salty that Theo is getting the cool college experience that Boris would have crushed.  I would have paid good money to watch him make the philosophy department cry.

[kermit in the car gif]

Yo! Theo struggling to deal with school is like exactly my semester after my dad died.  

The adults attempting to force him into different living arrangements is so what we dealt with post my dad’s death.

Grisha! (Russians the only people I trust atm)

Tara was right, Andy's death comes off like a joke!

I gotta say, Crime Theo is my favorite Theo so far.

I don't know which serial killer Donna was channeling to write the parts about Theo being obsessed with Pippa, but it is just so intensely a serial killer vibe I cannot even begin to describe the look on my face; the feelings I'm having. I'm just like this man is going to kill someone. he's going to kill a lot of people. not only that it's going to be a lot of women because he doesn't view them as people. that's what I'm getting from this it's. Theo doesn't think women are people.

If Theo was on reddit he would be part of r/niceguys and r/iamverysmart.

If I have to listen to him drone on about his fantasies of Pippa for one more minute I will kill myself in the baking aisle of Aldis.

HES HOARDING HER HAIR?! HER UNWASHED CLOTHES?!? Please someone put him in jail.

[the sound of me throwing up in the frozen food section as Theo describes Kitsey]

Donna don’t try to act like you didn’t add that foreshadowing yourself about Andy. You crack me up you relentlessly snob.

How is Theo just The Worst all the time?

Theo freaking out because two gay guys know what’s up with him is just *chef’s kiss

Me having seen only the movie: Theo and Boris should get redemption and a romance run away. Me now: [ gif of “Ive had enough of this guy” from IASIP]

I mean I understand that John Crawley was a coward in so many of his directorial choices, but the fact that he didn't put the second meeting of Theo and this Lucius guy into a crowded weird restaurant where they're both getting hit by the waiters as they go past is just the weakest move you could've made. because this makes it so much funnier.

I'm with Hobie.

honestly this book should've just been 20 hours of art crime and like to shave off a good 10 hours of LISTS because that's what 10 hours is. give me 20 hours of art crime. I would love to watch each sale happen that would've been riveting to read but instead.... this.

Bish, you like those earrings or I will cut you.

Theo salty, while Kitsey picks out new china, is so fucking hilarious.

him just like "why are we buying new plates when my job is literally to find plates that were made by craftsmen?!?!” but being too fucking repressed in his bullshit to say anything, so he just making some poor sales lady suffer.

my friend Ally: “Theo’s repression makes everyone suffer is a good summary of the book.”

Alternative version of this book that would have been 8 million times better: Theo gets into art crimes but is also a serial killer. We don't know the second bit but it begins to start dawning on us as women seem to disappear from his social circles and weird hints of thoughts about blood and rivers.  Bonus points if it ends with him on the run from the law with his only vaguely criminal (by comparison to serial killer Theo) boyfriend. We are left to wonder if they will be gunned down in the chase or if perhaps there will be one more body to great the river.

Theo's textbook serial killer nonsense is only comparable to the sheer petty gay energy he gives off.

The power trip he gets from being like "hahaha yes I have bagged the ice princess who wanted nothing to do with me when we were kids" is just so gross and hilarious.

Theo realizing he is not the only sociopath in the room is just *chef's kiss.

Boris, did you really send some guy to just watch your ex?

Boris, I am begging you. You have made Grisha so upset.

Donna shying away from describing Boris comes off, if you don't know who we are talking about, as weird and slightly racist.

You have the internet Theo, you can look up when movies are going to start. You are not living on the moors.

HOW IS THIS BOOK NOT A SATIRE OF AMERICAN PYSCHO FOR PEOPLE THAT HAVE BONERS FOR ANTIQUES?!?

Boris returns. I have almost forgiven him for what he put me through.

Maybe "fuck you" can be our always.

*tries not to cry when I realize that Boris' friends have heard about Theo

bless Aneurin for everything he did for this reunion in the movie.

Why is Boris such a slut? Why will I forgive him for anything?

Is it gay to think about the guy you used to jack off as handsome when you meet each other again?

Genetics means those kids can't be Boris' unless his mother was blonde. (Theo kind of agrees.)

My soul has left my body at the concept of Boris having a wife and kids.

I'm not saying I endorse crime, I'm just saying a mobster front with a pun in the name is really on-brand for me.

Knowing what I Know. That Boris thinks Theo is gonna try to kill him when they go for the "surprise" just makes the whole thing so tragic and sad.

Boris and his dog REUNITED AT LAST. I'm not crying. I'm fine.

Interesting that the next story we hear is about Gyuri's dead "brother" right after Boris says that Theo is "blood of his heart, his brother". Like. I might not be the biggest history buff in the world but I know gay code when I see it.

I mean I knew this was gonna happen, but I can't help but feel personally betrayed by Boris once again.

Donna, stay away from stuff about computers. Your attempts to use them make me, a technology expert, cringe.

Boris like "you don't deserve this dog. I deserve this dog."

"Babe I get that you are a WASP at heart but I need you to fight with me like a Russian now." - Boris to his disaster husband

"Did I lie?" "YES" (me laughing so hard I'm practically crying)

why does no one in this book appear to exchange numbers or like airdrop contact info.

Does Donna think that people only have iPhones?

Ally who is CTRL F reading this book "'Every few hundred pages she's like 'oh yeah, it's modern times...they're texting and there's emojis!' Seriously, there was the mention of emoji's and my soul escaped my body for a minute because it had no tether to time or space" @aces-low​

Off the top of my head, the name that Donna is not saying for this Horace to guy is Volkswagen.

Instead of being in the mob Boris should run an animal shelter.

Boris being Bitchy and jelly when Theo is talking to the German guy is just so cute. You two deserve each other with your weird shit.

If Donna wasn't a coward this book would have had Theo just getting eyeballs deep in art crime with Boris and his associates.

Adding a sin for making me listen to whatever that just was.

Things Donna forgot to list in "girl food": chicken wings, bread, rolls, other types of bread, garlic bread, a bit more bread, maybe cookies, eight more cookies, 20 more cookies, every type of chocolate humanly imaginable, jam, and barbecue ribs.

What do ankles have to do with being attractive?!?!?! this isn't the Victorian age! 

(from Ally re this comment: “I'm now convinced that every day Donna sat down to write this book she spun a wheel with different years on it, and that's the year the book was set that day”)

I didn't mind Kitsey cheating on Theo, because he doesn't even really like her. Until just now, when I realized that Mrs. B knows about it and she's keeping it from Theo, and my heart broke into 1 trillion pieces. she is the closest thing he has to a mother and he realized that she kept it from him, and I should not be crying in my car before my special Valentine night dinner.

James just walked in during a part describing Pippa and goes "Men writing women, huh?" and I had to pause the book, turn to him and say "a woman wrote this" and he just looks at me like 0_0

Mrs. B clutching Theo's hand so he won't leave her alone with Smalltalk-old-man is honestly the cutest thing in this entire book.

Hobie being able to be spotted from a distance at all times! I have a friend who is 6'5" and we can find him in crowds so easily!

Perhaps the funniest moment of this book is Theo saying "if girls loved assholes then Pippa would love me". buddy I'm going to post this entire book to r/niceguys

I WANT MORE ART CRIME! Why did you make me listen to 15 hours of boring nonsense when we could have had ART CRIME!

I deeply enjoy Boris's commitment to being a dramatic goofball, falling to his knees just be annoying.

Movie Boris appears in a dramatic way. Book Boris is just like there and also shoving food in his face and walking out of the party still eating all the food he just put in his cheeks like a chipmunk.

Hobie just like "if you want to run off with your gay love i'll cover."

Theodor Decker you get back in there and make sure that thief stays away from Nicole Kidman she has been through enough already!

Theo, I know that you don't actually have brains for anything besides drugs, crimes, being weird about women, and your own ass, but you could at least listen when people speak.

Theo is such a mess. He doesn't belong in modern times. He deserves to be Jack the Ripper.

I know the narrator is saying croissant the "correct" way. But every single time it happens I'm so fucking confused because who just leans into a french accent that hard for a single word?

Theo offers an actual good idea that Boris is going to use later and they all look at him like he's crazy.

I know "my brand" is "man holding gun" but listening to Boris assemble a gun I'm like "oh goodness I need to lay down". *fans self

Theo suddenly "I have made a huge mistake"

It's interesting to me how reluctant Boris is to make Theo a larger part of the heist. Theo reads it as frustrating but I read it like a kind of care and affection. He doesn't want his friend mixed up in something he can't handle, despite the fact that he wants Theo close so he can get him the painting back.

I see now why the heist in the movie was so fucking confusing. You need the Horst stuff and like a bunch of other nonsense that does not translate well to screen unless you re-write all the connections, which John Crowley was not willing to do.

Really love the "women drop their mark the first time" bit.

me: Theo I swear to god stop being high and sick in your room and go get some actual clothes and medication or at least don't make me listen to so much of it

this book is not 30 hours long. its 15 hours of a book and 15 hours of Donna going "gotta get that word count up or people with think I'm weak". Please, Donna. I don't need to hear this one thing happen for so long. It adds nothing to the tone, the themes, the plot, or the ambiance. You are just writing words for words sake.

The first suicide note was so well crafted that I honestly want Theo to kill himself now. If he can manage to write the others pretty okay I will be happy with this ending.

Don’t think I didn’t notice that the ghost of a dead loved one appeared on Christmas Eve.

I'm sorry who doesn't respond to "didn't you get my text?" with "my phone was dead" instantly?

me listening to Theo throw a tantrum at Boris because neither of them is capable of explaining themselves and like speaking as normal humans do: "It would have been better if Theo died"

Why must I be forced to listen to Donna make these scenes longer because these people don't talk like people?

Thud by Terry Pratchett does a much much better job of asking the question "can we trust our hearts and be the person we want to be?" And it honestly gives a better answer. And has you know, clever writing.

I thought it was like Over. I did. I was like "oh this is it wrapping up" ONLY THERE IS 30 MORE MINUTES AND I WANT TO SCREAM!

Me certain the book is over: i mean maybe this is a good ending

Me seeing i still have 30 more minutes: this is the worst book ever

This book held me fucking captive for over a week and all it left me with was like a few good lines, burning hatred for the main character, and the desire to go into Donna's home and rearrange all her stuff. 

also, I now hate antiques. out of spite.

don't read The Goldfinch. it's not worth it y’all.    

#jabberwockytalkies #words #donna tartt i just wanna talk #the goldfinch #alyse watches stupid movies #theodore decker #boris pavlikovsky #larry decker #xandra #donna tartt #this book beat me up and took my money and my will to put up with men

[me-mindfulexistence]

100 Ridiculous “Get To Know Me Questions”....And What My Husband Guessed I Said.

 Need something to do?  Share some “get to know me questions” with your friends and family”.   

I answered 100 “Get to know me questions” alone...and then later I asked my husband what he thought my answer would be. How many did we match? 

1.Who is your hero?  (me) No one in particular. Anyone who stands up for the underdog, (Fights for the weaker person, feels compassion and empathy for humans and animals....but actually does something about it besides running their mouth) Ron:  No one      CORRECT

2.If you could live anywhere,  where would it be? Somewhere very very warm, with very few people and all  of my children (Ron) Somewhere warm and sunny           CORRECT

3.What is your biggest fear?   Losing my husband or children. (Ron) something happening to my kids/family            CORRECT

4.What was your favorite family vacation? N. Carolina, time on the beach with my family. (Ron) N. Carolina           CORRECT

5.What would you change about yourself if you could?  Rid myself of self-doubt and anxiety. I’d be unstoppable! (Ron) To be more extroverted and outgoing.                        CORRECT

6.What really makes you angry? Oodles  of things. People acting like the boys we took into our family, aren’t “real” family, racial discrimination, animal abuse, bullying, gender stereotypes, and religion (Ron) “Oh jez! Incompetent people”                       WRONG

7.What motivates you to work hard?  My family and their success. (Ron) To Help others                           WRONG.

8.What is your favorite thing about your career?  Wanting my patients to feel better about themselves and giving them an improved quality of  life. (Ron) Helping people                     CORRECT

9.Coke or Pepsi? Coke (Ron) coke             CORRECT

10.What is your proudest  accomplishment? Besides my having family, getting my BJJ black belt. (Ron) being a mother         CORRECT

11.When did you meet for the first time? Was it a connection? Friends introduced us at his work, Moyer and Son. Nope, no connection!. (Ron) Moyer and son, I don’t think you spoke to me. no connection   CORRECT

12.Favorite TV cartoon growing up as a kid?  Scooby Doo. (Ron) I have no idea, I didn’t watch cartoons as a kid, Tom and Jerry?   WRONG

13.Who makes you laugh the most?     My husband. (Ron) me   CORRECT

14.What would you be willing to do for a million dollars? Almost anything as long as my husband was okay with it and it didn’t hurt anything else. (Ron) eat red meat      WRONG

15.What did you want to be when  you were small?  A teacher. (Ron) heavier                WRONG

16.Do you want to be buried, Cremated, have your body donated to science or do some kind of eco-friendly burial when you die?  The funeral market is a scam and it’s polluting the planet! Eco-friendly method on a green burial site. NO Coffin! (Ron) eco-friendly burial, or some shit like that.                  CORRECT

17.If you could choose to do  anything for a day, what would it be?  African Safari.  (Ron) nothing               WRONG

18.What is your favorite game or  sport to watch and play?  Brazilian  Jiu-jitsu. (Ron) BJJ                     CORRECT

19.What household chore do you like the least? Cleaning the bathroom.  (Ron) cleaning in general               WRONG

20.What would you sing at Karaoke night?  LOVE LOVE LOVE SINGING!  Sinead O’Connor, Nothing Compares To You (and about 100 more songs). (Ron) Beastie Boys, fight for you right to party      WRONG

21.What two radio stations do you listen to in the car the most? SiriusXM 100, 101. (Ron) The two Howard Stations         CORRECT

22.Which would you rather do: wash dishes, mow the lawn, clean the bathroom, or vacuum the house? Mow the lawn (if it’s hot outside), otherwise vacuum. (Ron)   mow               CORRECT

23.Favorite color? Yellow.  (Ron) black          WRONG

24.If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be? salad with lots of stuff in it. (Ron)   lobster         WRONG

25.How do you feel about adoption? Bring em’ on. Babies of any age! The more the merrier. (Ron) strongly           CORRECT

26. Have you ever had a nickname? What is it?  Sher (pronounced “Share”). (Ron) Dukers              WRONG

27.  Do you like or dislike surprises? Why or why not? Hate surprises. I wanna know.  (Ron) no, don’t like being center of attention     CORRECT

28.  In the evening, would you rather play a game, visit a relative, watch a movie, or read?  Ummm. Do nothing, so watch a movie I guess. (Ron) movie     CORRECT

29. Would you rather vacation in Hawaii or Alaska, and why? Hawaii b/c it’s hot. (Ron) Hawaii b/c it’s warm and has beaches           CORRECT

30. Would you rather win the lottery or work at the perfect job? And why?  Lottery b/c then I could still work at the “perfect job” as much or little as I wanted. (Ron) work at perfect job, b/c you’d be happy and help people   WRONG

  31. Who would you want to be stranded with on a deserted island? My husband. (Ron) me         CORRECT 

   32. If money was no object, what would you do all day? Create my utopia, an animal rescue. (Ron) Some kind of crap with animals         CORRECT 

     33. If you could go back in time, what year would you travel to? 1995 (after college).  (Ron) 1978        WRONG

   34. How would your friends describe you?  I’m not sure. Stubborn, strong willed? Sensitive. (Ron) passionate          WRONG

   35. What are your hobbies? Momming. Jiu-jitsu. Animal stuff. (Ron)  teaching bjj and pets              CORRECT

   36. What is the best gift you have been given?  My family. (and my jukebox that breaks all the time). (Ron) children           CORRECT

   37. What is the worst gift you have received? Anything that has to do with cleaning. (Ron) dryer vent              CORRECT

   38. Aside from necessities, what one thing could you not go a day without? My animals….esp my dog Mable! (Ron) exercise    WRONG

   39. List two pet peeves: My husband yelling about my animals, my kids not doing their chores. (Ron) me groping you, bad drivers      WRONG

   40. Where do you see yourself in five years? Wanting more kids (Ron) here                        WRONG

41. How many pairs of shoes do you own? idk10?,  the same shoes I had 5 years ago (although I’ll replace my sneakers once or twice a year). (Ron) 10     CORRECT 

   42. If you were a super-hero, what powers would you have? I could be invisible. (Ron) strength                WRONG

   43. What would you do if you won the lottery? Quit my  job and Open an animal sanctuary. (Ron) pay off all debt             WRONG

   44. Finish things as soon as possible or wait until the last minute? Wait until the last minute. (Ron) wait until the last minute            CORRECT 

   45. What unconscious mannerism do you display if you are upset or uncomfortable in a situation?  I become very quiet... (Ron) chew face   WRONG

   46. If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be?  How I acted as a teenager. I could be pretty rotten. (Ron) not throwing poop out a window            WRONG

   47. If you could share a meal with any 4 individuals, living or dead, who would they be? Jim Morrison, Jimmy Hendrix,  mommom, and God. (Ron) all your grandparents but especially your mommom Knipe           WRONG

   48. How do you feel about group vacations with other couples? That sounds awful. (Ron) not happening               CORRECT        

         49. What's the longest you've gone without sleep (and why)?  An entire day when I was young, partying all night. (Ron) 24hrs partying       CORRECT 

   50. How Do you handle anger?  I bottle it up for a while and get quiet. (Ron) not well, you get quiet             CORRECT

51. Would you rather trade intelligence for looks or looks for intelligence? Interesting question! I’m already getting close to hitting the wall with looks….but I also can’t afford to lose any intelligence either. I’d have to trade looks for more intelligence.  (Ron) intelligence for looks             WRONG

   52. How often do you buy clothes? Almost never. (Ron)   not often     CORRECT 

   53. Have you ever had a secret admirer?  Probably (who hasn’t). It would be secret. (Ron) probably              CORRECT 

   54. What's your favorite holiday? CHRISTMAS! (Ron) Christmas        CORRECT 

   55. What do you drink when you go out for social occasions?  Coke (not diet either). (Ron) water or coke                  CORRECT 

   56. What was the last thing you recorded on TV?  True blood. (Ron) SNL   WRONG

   57. Do you prefer the live version or studio version of an album? Studio. (Ron) Studio             CORRECT 

   58. What's your favorite type of foreign food? Mexican. (Ron) mexican      CORRECT 

   59. Are you a clean or messy person? Pretty Messy. (Ron) messy       CORRECT 

   60. Who would you want to play you in a movie of your life? Uma Thurman. (Ron) Uma Thurman             CORRECT 

   61. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? 30mins (Ron) 1hr             WRONG

   62. What kitchen appliance do you use every day? Dishwasher. (Ron) microwave              WRONG

   63. What's your favorite fast food chain?  Taco Bell. (Ron) taco bell       CORRECT 

   64. What's your favorite family recipe or dish?  mommoms apple pie.  (Ron)  Mommoms apple pie           CORRECT 

   65. Do you love or hate rollercoasters? Love. (Ron) Love      CORRECT 

   66. What's your favorite family tradition?  Christmas Morning Breakfast at my moms. (Ron) Christmas Eve          CORRECT  

   67. What is your favorite childhood memory? Having baby bunnies with my dad. (Ron) I have no idea           WRONG

   68. What's your favorite movie? Natural Born Killers (Ron) Pulp fiction  WRONG

   69. How old were you when you learned Santa wasn't real? How did you find out? Devastating. I wanted to believe forever. I was forced to “not believe” at about 12. My aunt said on Christmas day “You know Santas not real, right?”.  Ugh. (Ron) 8, I think your friend Dorene probably told you.   WRONG

   70. Is your glass half full or half empty? Half empty….just waiting for the other shoe to drop. (Ron) Half empty         CORRECT 

   71. What's the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of love? Dating my husband was risky. (Ron) got married          WRONG

   72. What is your favorite chip flavor? Salt and vinegar. (Ron) salt and vinegar             CORRECT 

   73. What was your favorite subject in school?  Science. (Ron) none   WRONG

   74. What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten?  I’m not very daring. Seaweed. (Ron) I have no idea, you really don’t care for food   WRONG

   75. Do you collect anything? Unwanted animals. (Ron) records     WRONG

   76. Is there anything you wished would come back into fashion?  Bell bottoms. (Ron) The 70s                  WRONG

   77. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Introvert.  (Ron) Introvert        CORRECT 

   78. Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest? touch. (Ron) You have a nose like a dog                   WRONG

   79. Have you ever had a surprise party? (that was an actual surprise)  Nope…and I don’t want one. (Ron) No                  CORRECT  

   80. Best quality and worst quality?  Best-compassionate/empathetic,  Worst-Too compassionate/empathetic to a fault. (Ron) best-caring, worst-caring too much                    CORRECT 

   81. What do you do to keep fit? Brazilian Jiu-jitsu but I also just exercise to not be a big lump of (Ron) BJJ and exercise            CORRECT

   82. Does your family have a “motto” – spoken or unspoken?  I say “wrong is wrong, damn it”. (Ron) Never a wrong time to do the right thing never a right time to do the wrong thing                   WRONG

   83. If you were ruler of your own country what would be the first law you would introduce?  ALL KINDS OF RULES about limiting the use of animals for consumption. NO FACTORY FARMS! (Ron) NO killing of animals      CORRECT

   84. Are you a leader or follower?  Leader (Ron) leader       CORRECT 

   85. What three things do you think of the most each day?  Work, family, how tired I am. (Ron) something happening to my kids, something happening to ron, or me                     WRONG

   86. If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Proceed with caution. (Ron) warning fragile                     WRONG

   87. What song would you say best sums you up? Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd. (Ron) someone left the cake out in the rain, AKA MacArthur Park by Donna Summer                 WRONG

   88. What is your favorite drink? Vanilla Chai Latte. (Ron) water    WRONG    89. Who was your first crush?  Bo Duke (on Dukes of Hazzard). (Ron) Shaun Cassidy           WRONG

  90. What's the most interesting thing you can see out of your kitchen window? My chickens. (Ron) chickens              CORRECT 

   91. On a scale of 1-10 how funny would you say you are? 6. (Ron) 8  WRONG

   92. Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Working like a dog and getting no where. (Ron) here                WRONG

   93. What was your first job? Working at an awful pizza shop. (Ron) pizza shop                 CORRECT 

   94. If you could join any past or current music group which would you want to join? The Doors.  (Ron) The dead              WRONG

   95. Do you believe in an after life?  Yes. (Ron) yes            CORRECT 

   96. You’ll never understand people who do what.....?  Fart in front of anyone intentionally. (Ron) hunt              WRONG

   97.  Who would i hate to see naked? Any parental figures. (Ron) parents     CORRECT 

   98. If you had to describe yourself as an animal, which one would it be? Probably a cat. I can be affectionate one minute but turn and walk away b/c you are boring me the next. I don’t like to be told what to do…and I’m not easy to control. “Obedient” isn’t my strong point. (Ron) cat, b/c you can be a loner and snobby (or some might perceive you to be that way).          CORRECT 

   99. What is something that turns you off about another person?  If they don’t like animals.  (Ron) people who are loud              WRONG

 100. Who knows you the best? My husband. (Ron) Me            CORRECT

The end

#bjj #graciepa #sherihockman #randompersonalfacts #femalebjj #rdbjjinstructor #BrazilianJiuJitsu #thirdgenerationbjj

[farklelucas]

all about the lesbian sea pirate

ahsjdkflg okay im gonna do the first section above the cut and the rest under

send me an oc and some numbers pls!! | here are my ocs!

Section 1 - About:

1. Briefly Describe your OC: Appearance, personality, role in a story, etc..

okay so!! hana is half-japanese, half-german, she’s got short/spiky black hair and fucking Huge brown eyes. she’s the protagonist of a thus-unwritten pirate love story and i fucking love her. she’s superbly socially awkward (doesn’t get customs like politeness or like asking before doing things asdjkfl), she’s a Romantic romantic, she loves sword-fighting, she was raised by her father (alongside three older half-brothers, though she was chosen as the heir to his ship which hmm pissed two of them off), she’s very much butch/tomboy, she loves adventure and sailing so fucking much, uhhh yeah her.

2. Briefly describe their backstory/childhood

like i said, she was raised by her dad, who she idolizes, along with her three brothers on the sea; she never knew her mother, because her father told her that she died giving birth to hana (or did she….? hm. maybe hana’s dad is just shitty?). she was always super excited to play and go on adventures and fight, especially with her three older brothers (only one of whom actually like. liked her.), and by the time she was old enough to hold a sword, her dad taught her how to. eventually, her dad became ill, and named hana, who was only 16, his successor. her two eldest brothers planned a mutiny to overthrow her, killing the other brother who protested. hana fought them but they escaped with half her treasure, promising to come back and kill her, and she’s spent the past six years seeking them out to defeat them.

3. Describe their family life and friends.

i mean i pretty much nailed her family, but she’s very close to all the crew. i’ll give you a quick rundown: there’s caspian, her first mate/quartermaster (grew up on the ship with her, an orphan who was stolen in one of the raids, searching out his lost family but is also a big time goof), dover, her “advisor”/sailing master (wise, lazy, arrogant, bitchy, basically her pseudo-father because her father was usually off being captain), darya, her gunner (slutty bisexual aromantic queen, runs the artillery AND the under deck gambling ring, always drunk, loyal to a fault especially to hana), and zarya (we’ll get to her later ;)) and the other lower-ranking crew members.

4. What is the world they come from like?

hmmm very mystical and mysterious, very “pirates are bad and suck and we dont like them even though they’re not usually bad” but. you know. hana is still an outlaw of the land. there are mermaids and sirens and cracken and curses so it’s better to assume that if its magical it exists.

5. Are they original or exist in a certain fandom?

original!!

6. Are they an introvert or extrovert?

extroverted babey

7. Greatest fear?

being unable to sail but also, later on, (SPOILERS) being arrogant and greedy and malicious like her father

8. What’s their sense of humor like?

honestly just fucking. stupid. she probably likes puns and like dirty jokes.

9. Favorite pieces of fiction or genres they enjoy?

i dont think she can read???? but her third eldest brother bourne would usually tell her princess stories and she liked those

10. Favorite music genres?

folk ig

11. Describe their vision of a perfect spouse, if applicable.

a tall, beautiful, kindhearted woman, who sees past the pirate savagery and sees her heart beneath; a woman who can rule the sea alongside her and knows how to handle her and keep her in check. (looks at zarya meaningfully)

12. Largest regret?

not being able to save bourne

13. Something your OC would say?

my quote for her in her bio is “what am i without adventure?” but i also imagine her saying to zarya, “you are more celestial than the stars, my love, and twice as beautiful to behold.”

14. Whats their morality like?

technically lawful good but could be a roulette wheel depending on the day

15. Would they live in a city, rural area, or suburb?

oof none but if she had to probably rural

16. Which actor would you like to portray your OC? (Or a voice actor)

sjskdldldl my face claim is jen ruggirello

17. Sexuality? Gender Identity?

lesbian baby!!!!!

18. What inspired you to make this character?

honestly?? probably a lack of rep in romance and adventure novels. i just love her!!!

Section 2 - If…

1. If they existed in another decade, what would they wear? (Asker can choose what decade) (Bonus points if you draw them!)

hmmm ill pick… current day tbh, and i imagine lots of overalls and baggy sweaters!

2. If they were in a RPG, what would be their class?

i have to imagine somewhere between paladin and a fighter, im not sure which.

3. If they received a large amount of money no strings attached, what would they use it for?

i honestly think she would just. go into the nearest village and buy all the local hungry children bread. like she wouldn’t horde it or spend it on herself. she has everything she needs.

4. If they competed on a competitive TV show, how would they approach to winning? (the “mean” one, the one who makes friends, the one who’s there for fun)

hm… i honestly dont even think she would think about it like that dkdkflfl. probably the charming one, the leader, the adorkable one.

5. If they could change one thing about their past, what would it be?

i think she would choose to keep in contact with her mother. not necessarily live with her, because then she wouldnt have her first love which is the sea, but just like. talk to her. know her better. go see her every few months. write her from different ports about their adventures.

6. If you met them, what would they do?

i would honestly probably be so fucking charmed by her. shes got that way about her, a leadership quality you can’t shake, even if shes really incredibly awkward too.

7. If your character exists in another series’ world, what would they be doing/look like?

i kind of imagine her in harry potter as like. this half blood gryffindor who’s So Gryffindor it hurts. on the quidditch team, always screaming about house pride, everyone loves her. and then she goes and falls in love with this muggle born slytherin and shakes the whole school dkdkkrklr

Section 3 - Other:

1. What other OCs would they get along with?

oh… i think it’s kind of cheap to say jack, because they’re both pirates, but honestly i think they’d get on like a house on fire. other than that… definitely michael minkus, who would make an epic first mate, and lucy stilinksi-hale, who she would probably wanna smash.

2. What’s their singing voice like?

bad. comically bad. she tries to sing to zarya sometimes and zarya locks her out of their room.

3. Take a personality test as the character. Post results.

okay so ive already taken a couple for her in the past (ex: gryffindor, entj, the motivator, etc.) so im gonna take a completely benign one off buzzfeed and post the results. so if she were a song off of thank you next she would be “bad idea” skskkdkd

4. What would be their fighting style in a fighting game like Mortal Kombat, Super Smash Brothers, or Street Fighter?

to outsmart her opponent, think two moves ahead of theirs just like in real life. jokes on her no one else is ever thinking skdkkfkfl

5. What are some mannerisms/quirks?

putting her feet up on tables, walking into rooms without invitation, holing up in her cabin for days working, smirking instead of smiling, smoking, docking in random cities for the thrill of adventure, wearing her blouses nearly completely unbuttoned, just taking things and enforcing sharing bc. she’s always shared everything with everyone naturally and she doesnt know to ask djdkfkfk

6. Describe their favorite meal.

honestly she’ll eat anything but just like. a Nice leg of mutton and a glass of beer. that’s it. that’s the dream.

7. What do they do when they’re bored?

her favorite activity is to randomly attack caspian and have impromptu sword fights with him, but she also loves stargazing and telling stories to the town children.

8. How do they express love/affection for someone?

honestly she’s very. nuzzley. soft. like a little kitten. also waxes poetic. at least romantically. platonically, shes usually like a dad friend sjdkkrlr. like im talking “attaboy” and punches on the arm. pep talks. dad voice. the whole nine yards.

9. Most embarrassing thing that could/has happened to them?

honestly, she’s not easily embarrassed ever. i think she’s kind of just like meh over most things. the most embarrassing thing that could happen would be losing the respect of her crew. she would hate that so much.

10. Make a portrait sketch of them!

#nicole #hana #oc stuff #love her!!!! so much!!!!!!! #loveallthatjazz #what kind of woman doesnt have an ask #long post #go all the way to the bottom of this post to see a qt uwu #katie writes #wow i went off

[lizziethereader]

a bunch of 11 questions tags

I was tagged in a few 11 question tags over the last few weeks and am finally getting around to them. I hope you don’t mind me putting them all together in one masterpost under the cut. 

thank you so much  for tagging me @anassarhenisch, @thereadingchallengechallenge, @books-are-portals, @maddie-mux and @bibliophilecats! I really do appreciate getting tagged even though it takes me a while to doing the tags. 

I’ll put my own questions and the people I’m tagging up here and the answers to all your questions under the cut ;) 

my questions: 

1. What are you looking forward to most when it comes to the upcoming holidays? (whichever holiday you want to refer to) 2. Have you been to a concert lately? Which one?  3. Which piece of media (book, movie, video, etc.) are you looking forward to consuming next?  4. If someone wrote a fictionalized (and heavily embellished) novel of your life, which genre would you like it to be? 5. What’s the last song you had stuck in your head?  6. What’s the weather currently like where you are? 7. How many open tabs in a browser is too many? (asking for a friend) 8. Are you good with money? (if so, teach me your ways!) 9. What’s the coolest thing a teacher of yours has ever done? (I wanna become the cool teacher, so I need to do some research, haha) 10. If money, space and time didn’t matter, which animal would you like to have?  11. Share a random fact about yourself! (please?) 

I’m tagging @bookvoyage, @lilymaidofgallifrey, @dreamingofreadinggoals, @aliteraryprincess, @flamingmirrorbookish, @the-forest-library, @manuscripts-dontburn and @thelivebookproject (no pressure though)  and anyone who just feels like doing this, of course! 

sooo, let’s get crackin! 

here’s @anassarhenisch‘s questions: 

1. Celtic rock, yes or no? 

I have honestly never listened to it... I’m not averse to give it a try though!

2. What’s the last book you quit reading?  quit as in abandoned? I don’t really do that... The last book I finished reading was ‘Big Mouth and Ugly Girl’ by Joyce Carol Oates

3. What’s your favourite fall activity?  baking and drinking cider! (yes you can do that all year round, but it just feels cozy, right?)

4. Do you believe in ghosts?  I’m probably a ghost agnostic. I don’t know if they exist but I’m not saying they don’t

5. When’s the last time you went to a circus or carnival?  There’s this big children’s festival in my town for two weekends every August and there’s always a circus, too. They did a special performance for all the volunteers who help with the festival and I went to that. So, long story short, like 2 months ago?

6. What does your favourite shirt look like?  hmmm good question. If we’re talking about T-shirts then it’s probably my Portal shirt. 

7. Do you like eating fish?  hahaha, not at all actually! I rarely meet other people who don’t. But yeah, I actually don’t like any seafood. 

8. Who’s your favourite artist?  oh man, this is a very difficult one! I’m not sure I can name a favorite. I like just being in awe of a piece of art (be it a painting, piece of music or something else) and I wouldn’t say I have one person I like better than all the others. Sorry for the lame answer!

9. Do you have any celebrity connections?  none whatsoever (that I know of) 

10. Are you a sports fan?  only equestrian sports and even then I don’t need to see every event there is. But I do enjoy watching the occasional tournament

11. How comfortable are you embarrassing yourself in public?  NOT AT ALL. Good thing I became a teacher then, eh? :P 

next up: @thereadingchallengechallenge‘s questions: 

What are you currently reading?  I just started reading Children of Blood and Bone!

Favourite snack?  I can’t pick just one, so: popcorn, macadamia nuts, chocolate covered raisins and all things chocolate :D

Do you set yourself a reading list or pick books by mood?  half/half. I have some types of books to read each month (1 poetry book, 1 classic, 1 nonfiction book) and then choose one of those based on my mood. And then I randomly select 3 books from my tbr. Those are always a surprise! 

Have you travelled anywhere so far this year?  Yup. I went to Germany 2 times (to a theme park), flew to London for book shopping and musicals twice, and went to Budapest with two friends for a weekend 

Reading anything spooky before Halloween?  Not really. I’m not a spooky books (or movies) person. 

Binge watching anything at the moment? I just finished binge watching Star Trek Discovery yesterday but I’m sure I’ll find something new soon. 

Who’s the author you’ve read most?  Douglas Coupland, apparently

What’s your favourite season and why?  Spring! Everything is getting warmer and greener again, my depression gets better and things are just generally looking up (usually)

Are you looking forward to any new releases?  I don’t think I’m waiting for anything at the moment...

What’s a quote you love?  “No, we are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars” from Oscar Wilde’s Lady Windermere's Fan

Recommend a book?  With pleasure! It Devours! by Joseph Fink and Jeffrey Cranor 

then we have @books-are-portals‘s questions: 

1. First thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “waffles”?  the amaaaaazing waffles at my town’s children’s festival each year. Also Leslie Knope 

2. Have you ever knitted anything? What was it?  When we learned to knit in school I knitted a scarf but I haven’t knitted anything since and I’m not sure I still could

3. What’s been the weirdest book you’ve enjoyed?   idk, what’s a weird book? Welcome to Night Vale is purposefully weird, if that counts? I’m not sure I’ve read any proper weird books...

4. Pick a random book from your shelf and recommend a film based on that book.  book: Tin Man by Sarah Winman - movie: Third Star (totally different storyline, but similar vibe, maybe?)

5. Top 5 clothing items.  - not really clothing but my riding boots (I love them. They fit me perfectly and weirdly give me so much confidence??)  - my new Pikeur breeches (yup, riding stuff again)  - the black business dress I graduated in (both High School and university)  - my Dirndl (you gotta have one if you’re Austrian :P )  - my (fake) leather jacket because it makes me feel cool  not sure this is an accurate list since I don’t really think about clothes much... 

6. Name the first song that comes to your mind based on your current read. Why that song?  hmm, I’m only 50 pages into my new book, this is very difficult! maybe ‘Battles’ by Hudson Taylor? The lyrics just seem to fit and I have a feeling the book will be harrowing, which the song definitely is. 

7. Would you rather visit the Moon or Mars?  I kind of want to go to Mars and see if Curiosity Rover is alright. 

8. What’s your favourite scent?  top three: freshly cut grass, new tires (I know, this one is weird), and the smell of tress like cedar, fir, and pine 

9. What’s the last thing you ate? Was it good?  kinder Schoko Bons and YES. 

10. Name 3 positive things you’re good at.  don’t do this to me! uhmmmmm reading? singing? maybe cuddling cats? 

11. What’s the strangest word from your first language(s)?  Well, I don’t really know what would be strange to you but I’m really fond of ‘oida’. It’s sort of an exclamation that can be used in a lot of different ways and its meaning depends on how you say it. So it could mean you’re really disappointed, angry, shocked, disbelieving or it could just mean something like ‘dude’. I love it and use it way too often considering it’s sort of lower class slang, I guess. 

aaaand here’s @maddie-mux‘s questions: 

1. First fictional crush?  I’m not entirely sure. Maybe Ziegenpeter from Heidi? :’D 

2. 11 authors (dead or alive) who you would want to spend a night in a haunted house with?  oh no, that’s a) way too many people and b) not something I would ever want to do 

3. Kiss, Marry, Kill - authors  I don’t really feel qualified to answer this. I don’t really get into people as much as I get into their characters and fictional universes. Doing this with real people feels weird, too, because I don’t want to do any of those actions with anyone.... I’m sorry to cop out of yet another of your questions!

4. One author whose books you automatically buy, of no matter what?  either of the Green brothers

5. Favourite fictional place?  maybe Night Vale? But not because I want to live there, just because it’s so wacky. 

6. Kiss, Marry, Kill - characters  this one is easier!  kiss: Poet from Trick (before he is spoken for, of course, I’m not a home-wrecker!)  marry: farmer Oak from Far From the Madding Crowd  kill: there’s so many to choose from! but I really really hate Aaron from The Knife of Never Letting Go!!

7. Favourite place to read?  on the go 

8. 11 characters who you’d take for an eternity on a tropical island?  nope nope nope - there’s nobody I would want to spend eternity with 

9. Hands down, all time favourite book and why?  you should be ashamed of yourself! you know most readers can’t answer this question :P (well, I can’t anyway)

10. Favourite fictional nonhuman animal character?  is it too basic to say Black Beauty? 

11. Fiction or nonfiction?  both! I read more fiction, but I wouldn’t want to live without nonfiction in my life! 

last but not least, @bibliophilecats‘ questions: 

Your favourite word from your first language.  I’m gonna use one of my previous answers for that and say ‘oida’ just because it’s so fun and versatile. Do you know ‘oida’ in your part of Germany? 

And your favourite word in any language.  Not sure I’d pinpoint it as an absolute favorite, but I quite like ‘alas’ because it sort of embodies my view of life, haha 

Name 5 positive things about yourself.  5?? It took me 10 minutes to come up with 3 for one of the questions above! Unbelievable...  - I try my best to keep an open mind  - I try to also get my students to do this  - but I also like to question things  - I’m not blind to my shortcomings  - and I do want to become a better person, though I need to put more effort into it 

And now 3 things you are good at (I kept that one from @books-are-portals list because self-love is important)  I am NOT coming up with more because I am absolutely unable to do so. Sorry! (yes, I have issues, I know)

What’s your “Patronus”-memory, i.e. the happiest moment in your life?  ooooh good one! maybe the day I got my degree and graduated from university. (because leading up to this point my mental health was so bad I wasn’t sure I’d live to see that day...) 

Recommend a book which you think I should read.  maybe ‘Welcome to Night Vale’ or ‘It Devours!’? 

Do you set yourself a reading list or pick books by mood?  both! see above for a more detailed answer

Did you make friends on tumblr that you met (or want to meet) in real life?  I would love to meet quite a few of you! (sadly I haven’t, yet)

Last book you read that was completely outside your normal reading preference. Why did you pick it up and did you like it?  Probably the Kite Runner? I picked it up because sooo many people and many of my friends love it. I, however, did not. 

Favourite christmas book?  I haven’t read many so far, but Dash and Lily’s book of Dares!! 

Favourite christmas movie?  I’ve always loved Miracle on 34th street but I haven’t rewatched it in years so I don’t know if it hold up

#tag thingy #huge 11 questions tag masterpost #haha #thank you for tagging me!!!