#This theory is one I’ve had for a while and thus easier to write but I’ve got a lot planned | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rutilation · 1 year

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See these two? I’ve been thinking about them. A lot. So much so, that I’ve started getting ideas about what their deal is, what their roles in the story may turn out to be—that sort of thing. Maybe the following is pure fanfiction, or maybe I managed to mind meld with Fujimoto after staring into space for long enough. Time will tell. But, I warn you now: I did not merely don a tinfoil hat to write this, but an entire Venetian ball gown’s worth of the stuff. I’ll be attending the conspiracy masquerade dressed to the nines. I’m gunning for the tinfoil crown. Click the readmore if you’d like to be my date for the evening.

Before we can attend the soirée in question, there’s a big ‘ol something I need to unpack: I’m one of those people—those wretches who believe that Yoshida is secretly the Death Devil, and what’s more, a whole lot of my thoughts regarding both Yoshida and Famine are predicated on it. While I only very recently started engaging with this work and its fandom, I’ve nonetheless gotten the distinct impression that this particular theory is something of a sore point for a lot of people—one that had already been argued to the point of exasperation and resentment by the time I got around to ticking Chainsaw Man off my reading list.

To any potential readers of this humble essay who feel that way, I have this to say for myself: while I can’t guarantee you’ll find my reasoning convincing, I can guarantee that my thoughts on the matter are more substantial than pointing at panels of Yoshida in a conspiratorial manner and trying to find the kanji for death, or the numeral ‘4’ amidst crosshatching. I find that exactly as inane as you do. With that said, I’m first going to address some common objections I’ve seen to this theory before I get into the real meat of my speculation regarding these two mysterious characters.

The Death Devil embodies a primal fear, and is too strong to be killed. So whoever they are, they’re still in hell. Paradoxical as it might seem on the face of it, the Death Devil might have an easier time dying than their fellow primal fears—who’s to say their mastery over death can’t extend to themselves? If I were to put myself in the shoes of the embodiment of death, I can easily imagine being bored with the entire concept of self-preservation, turning off my regeneration, and letting myself die every now and then in order to bounce through different reincarnations, trying to sooth the crushing ennui of my cursed existence. And what do you know, Yoshida seems pretty chill with the prospect of his own death.

Why doesn’t he have the swirly eyes? Despite being a dead giveaway for the four horsemen, no one in the story ever notices or comments on them. Yoru couldn’t even recognize Famine at a glance,* despite being close enough to clearly see her special anime eyes. I’m thus inclined to believe that the concentric rings in their eyes exist for the benefit of the audience and are invisible to the characters, or even completely non-diegetic. And something that is displayed for the audiences’ benefit can be obscured for that very same reason. Alternatively: his eyes are black with black rings.

Why would the actual Death Devil get bodied by Quanxi? And why would he have to rely on another devil to fight, for that matter? One: because she’s just that cool. Two: If he is the Death Devil, presumably the most powerful in existence, it may be the case that it’s actually impossible for him to use his power offensively for anything other than mass, indiscriminate death. Thus, he would have to rely on other devils or his own physical strength to fight in a remotely constructive way. All else would be like using a nuke to open a pickle jar. Another possible explanation is that his life would be upended if his identity were ever revealed, and so he goes to great pains to not let even a hint of it slip. If I’m correct about bullet point one, he would see dying and starting anew as preferable to the inconvenience of living with a constant target on his back, and thus wouldn’t use his own powers even when his life is in danger.

Kishibe, who is a living lie detector, trusts him. There’s no way Yoshida could hide being a devil from him. To the contrary, I think Kishibe is in on it, and I’ll get into why I think so once I’m in the meat of my speculation.

Makima would surely be able to smell it if Yoshida were the Death Devil, why would she want him of all people guarding Denji? Calling on your unfathomably powerful brother (who you’re hoping to kill in the near future,) for a sham security detail as part of a passive-aggressive power play is not only in-character, it is downright Makimacore. I don’t think her primary concern in this situation is necessarily how powerful the hired help is, but whether or not they would have a reason to steal her precious Chainsaw in the first place. Or, perhaps she simply couldn’t smell him properly for a reason that has yet to be explained.

Devils can’t make contracts with each other, so how could he have Octopus at his beck and call? Maybe they’re buddies who go way back. Maybe Octopus doesn’t want to anger the biggest fish in the pond, and serves him out of fear. It could be anything. Hey, if you think about it, the number eight is really just two fours. In various east Asian cultures, the number four represen—

*I am taken out via sniper rifle.*

In the grand tradition of Fujimoto’s iconic female villains, Death, the final boss, ought to be the mommy-est domme of them all, and anything short of that would be an insult to the femme fatales who came before. Listen, I also love his bad bitches. No arguments there. But who says the Death Devil has to be some sort of overarching supervillain in the first place? I’d honestly find it more interesting if they weren’t. Thus far in the narrative, death with a lowercase ‘d’ has been presented as something you grapple and come to terms with in order to fully appreciate love and life, and it wouldn’t be especially interesting if the character who embodies that concept were a Final Fantasy super-witch. In my humble opinion, it’d be more profound if they were just as lost and pathetic as the rest of us. I’d honestly rather Fujimoto pull a fast one and unveil Kobeni as the Death Devil, as opposed to giving us a scheming Ultimecia-alike for the role, you feel me?

I like Yoshida better as a tragic cog in Public Safety’s system. Why can’t he be that instead of the Death Devil? ¿Por qué no los dos?

If Yoshida were the Death Devil, it would ruin my ship. Come on, don’t succumb to the quitter mindset. I believe in you.

Now, far be it from me to undermine my precious bullet points after I just went through the trouble of writing them, but I don’t actually think this whole back-and-forth on what would constitute a plot hole is especially productive. None of it matters. At the risk of getting a bit abstract, I’m of the belief that a plot hole is something that only exists in retrospect, and as such, they aren’t useful guides for predicting how an ongoing story can or cannot play out. When you’re in the position of storyteller, you can spin things however you desire, and the reasons you come up with to justify your decisions are similarly arbitrary. It is solely the audience, and not the author, that is relegated to following breadcrumbs and extrapolating based on what came before, a process that only becomes problematic if their fingers can catch on splinters and loose threads in the seams of the plot after the fact. Whoever the Death Devil is—whether they’re someone we’ve already met, or a yet-unintroduced character, their identity won’t be determined by the readership’s painstaking process of elimination, but by Fujimoto thinking “wouldn’t it be neat if [x] happened?” and then honing and molding the idea to make it fit into what was already written.

All this is to say, I’m invested in my interpretation not because of how well it slots in with the other puzzle pieces—all of which are malleable anyways, but because of what I think it could potentially add to the story. And with that, I think I’ll cool it with the bloated preamble, and start getting into what I believe that potential to be, starting with the moments in the story that convinced me of this theory in the first place.

I’m sure people have harped on this moment before, but I want to reiterate that this, right here is, a truly ludicrous thing to ask on the face of it. To my knowledge, even the anti-death transhumanist crowd envisions humanity’s ideal relationship to death as one where it is a voluntary option at the end of a very long life, which is a far cry from death itself being retroactively purged from the weave of time, unable to exist anywhere in any capacity. And the latter is exactly what it would mean for Pochita to eat the Death Devil. It would create a universe inimical to any form of life aside from cancer cells, and anyone who’s given the matter more than two seconds of thought could understand that. I can see why Makima would try it—she was so high on her own hubris that I wouldn’t expect her to objectively consider the viability of her whims—but why would Yoshida, who, by all accounts, is not lost in the sauce, want this?

For such an extreme desire, there has to be an equally extreme motivation. And I haven’t come across an explanation—or managed to think of one myself, for that matter—that satisfies those bizarre parameters other than Yoshida himself being the Death Devil. The fact that he’s thoroughly unbothered by the thought of his impending demise one moment, and wistfully wishing the concept of death itself would disappear the next, feels like a smoking gun to me. The best I can come up with is that he, like a certain other devil who deals in death, is sick of the burden that comes with his existential condition, of being constantly inundated with the grief and fear of the dying and the bereaved—and that it’s gotten to the point where he wants to be put out of his misery for good, consequences be damned.

The second scene that pushed me into the arms of this theory was the café scene in chapter 122. I know a lot of people took this chapter as proof that Yoshida couldn’t possibly be the Death Devil, but for me, it was quite the opposite. Something about his interaction with Famine here felt off to me, as if the reader is not privy to the full context of the conversation. Why does Yoshida feel comfortable approaching and threatening one of the four horsemen without leverage or backup? Why did she acquiesce to his threats regardless, all while seeming completely unafraid of them? Why did Famine take him up on the invitation in the first place, something even he found strange? What’s with all the terse, silent glances between both parties?

It’s fishy, quite fishy. I actually have a lot to say about this scene, but I can’t get into my interpretation of it in any depth until I delve into my thoughts on Famine. So, we’ll just have to put a pin in it for later. For now, though, I’ll say that many of those niggling logistical questions go away if you assume that the answer is: ‘he’s a more powerful devil than her, and what’s more, there’s shared history between the two.’

So, because of those two scenes, I couldn’t help but consider Yoshida as the Death Devil to be a strong possibility. But, beyond that, I also think it makes sense as a matter of narrative efficiency. It seems to me that, among other things, Part 2 is going to be about the horsemen—who and what they really are, what their deal is, etc. If I’m right in that assumption, then one would want to start getting all their ducks in a row early, especially if that someone is a design-by-subtraction enthusiast like Fujimoto. So, the idea that we’ve already met the Death Devil, and have been given a little bit of context as to what drives their character, makes sense to me.

But, who am I trying to kid, pontificating the finer points of structure, and expectation, and all that jazz. I’m wearing this tinfoil crown, so I ought to live up to it. We have a ball to attend. Wild speculation, ahoy!

Let’s imagine the sequence of event goes something like this: Pochita has his grand climactic battle with the four horsemen and weapon devils, vanishes from hell, and finds a young Denji, who seems to be about six or seven years old, shortly thereafter—he was freshly wounded in the flashback, after all. If that incarnation of the Death Devil died during the fight (probably for shits and grins—see my first bullet point,) then his present incarnation could conceivably be around Yoshida’s age now, accounting for the fact that devils seem to skip infancy and are born as children. It may also be the case that rate at which devils mature is variable depending on the environment they grow up in; a devil being raised by a human would have the luxury of indulging an extended childhood, while one who’s basically a critter in the wilderness couldn’t afford to do so.

Anyway, I believe Yoshida belongs to the former category, which brings me back to my assertion that Kishibe is “in on it.” Like many, I too get the vibe that there’s some sort of father-son relationship between the two (a somewhat strained one, to be exact, but I’ll get into that in just a moment.) What if the reason Kishibe thought it would be a sound idea to have Denji raise the new Control Devil was because he had already done the same thing with the Death Devil years earlier? Perhaps he happened upon a young Yoshida, and, already weary from the deaths of his comrades in this endless meat grinder of a conflict, decided that killing him would be a futile act of kicking the can down the road, choosing instead to raise him as his son in the hope that the most powerful devil would grow up to become something other than a monster.

If all that is true, it adds a layer of tension to Kishibe and Yoshida’s relationship that might explain some of the latter’s aloof attitude, along with his stated aversion to emotional vulnerability. Any affection he might feel toward his father figure is tempered by the knowledge that whatever love and care he was shown in this lifetime was given with the express intent of neutralizing his potential as a threat. Even if this were a misconception, I could definitely see Kishibe being too emotionally constipated to properly correct it. And so, Yoshida never pressed the matter, and never crossed a line. In essence, he kept things parasocial. Because, without the veil of plausible deniability, he might actually find out for sure what his relationship with Kishibe amounts to, and if the answer is one he doesn’t like, it might just crush him. And so, like Asa, he leads a lonely life of being symbolically boxed in by his own speech bubbles.

This is a tangent, but while people often point to Kishibe and Yoshida’s conversation in chapter 67, along with the former taking Quanxi’s fiends hostage to save the latter’s life, as implicit proof of their relationship, there’s one other instance in the story that also gave me that vibe. That implicit vibe. It’s Kishibe’s comment that Denji is most fit for the role devil hunter out of anyone he’s met. Given what we know of Kishibe’s philosophy, Yoshida would, as far as I can tell, more perfectly fit his definition of an ideal devil hunter. He’s much more emotionally detached than Denji, he can go almost toe-to-toe with Quanxi—Denji’s not even close in that regard, and while he isn’t quite as galaxy-brained, he can still unnerve and outwit most opponents he comes across. So, why Denji and not him? Perhaps it’s because, in his heart of hearts, Kishibe doesn’t actually want his own kid in this line of work, even if he is God’s perfect little killer.

So, if Yoshida is, essentially, a domesticated primal devil, it would also give him a more personal stake in this prophecy business. The King of Terror mentioned in the prophecy could be reasonably interpreted as—if not Chainsaw man—then the Death Devil. And if the devil in question is some moody teenager who wants nothing to do with the apocalypse, who’s spent his life trying to not be an existential threat, who may have even developed an entire complex about it, he’d have a strong incentive to directly involve himself in stopping the prophecy from coming to pass.

This is all a bit heavy, so I’m going to slip on my tinfoil party hat for a minute. In addition to the Sturm und Drang, I believe there is quite a bit of comedic potential that could be mined from Yoshida being the Death Devil. For one thing, it would be pretty amusing if our leads for Part 2 comprised a literal three-ring circus of portentous secret identities. And beyond just that, it would also add a wicked and belated punchline to Asa and Yoshida’s farce of a first meeting—the one where Yoru brazenly hits on him, all while taking Asa’s humiliation smugly in stride. But, if Yoru were to learn later on that she was, in fact, propositioning her own brother, then just imagine her reaction. Comedic gold, imo. It’s high time she felt the weight of her own cringe.

Most of my speculation up to this point had been slowly pin-balling through my brain in some form or other for a couple months, but I wasn’t particularly invested in any of it. I thought it might be cool if Yoshida turned out to be the Death Devil, and wasn’t inclined to rule it out, but I didn’t think it was especially likely either, and I certainly didn’t have any desire to put myself out there, and breathlessly post about it. Waiting and seeing seemed more appealing. But, then, I started thinking about Famine. I just about bored a hole through her head as I asked myself: what purpose do you serve, and why are you here? Well, the answer I eventually came to excited me enough that I not only devoted some three thousand words to her, but I simply had to take Yoshida along for the ride as well, once the pieces really started falling into place. And with that, I think I’ll start talking about Famine.

Whereas Part 1 is full of fragile, yet intense bonds in which the characters can find solace between their excursions through the meat grinder, Part 2 is all missed connections, people talking past each other, trust issues, and crippling loneliness. With that in mind, what does it imply that the apparent villain for this stretch of the story wears the mantel of deprivation and disparity? Chainsaw Man places such profound importance on food as an expression of love, be it wholesome, toxic, and everything in between. So, there must be strong thematic significance to a character who is, quite literally, defined by its lack—a lack of food, a lack of resources, and a lack of love. It’s a whole bundle of key concepts which the story has revolved around, all embodied in a single word. So, while the series has had a few throwaway villains in the past whose purpose was, essentially, to look cool for an arc and then exit stage left without leaving much of a lasting impression, I felt fairly certain Famine wasn’t one of them for the aforementioned reasons. Nevertheless, I struggled to get a read on her for the longest time.

I asked myself: what do I know about Famine?

She claims to be on Yoru’s side, and says she’d do “anything for my little sister.”

She’s insinuated herself in the devil hunting club at Asa and Denji’s school.

Yoru wants nothing to do with her, claiming that she’s dangerous, and unhinged.

In addition, Yoru is averse to discussing her at length.

She’s in favor of Asa/Yoru turning Denji into a weapon.

She doesn’t care about hiding her identity.

She insists on being called Fami.

She’s at the very least aware of the prophecy, and Public Safety has reason to believe she’s working to bring it about.

She’s subdued and cold in her affect.

Her totemic animal symbol is a penguin.

Her design is full of asymmetrical elements (e.g. the moles and extra lobe piercings on her right ear,) which are meant to evoke the image of unbalanced scales.

She’s constantly slouching.

Her scale earrings happen to resemble Denji’s pullcord.

No amount of food satisfies her.

I also tried thinking about her in the context of the previous antagonist. Makima was presented initially as an ally, and did things that were technically positive and heroic. But, she was up to so much underhanded and menacing shit that it was impossible for even the most careless reader to take her at face value, and much of story’s tension lied in whether she would be revealed as an outright villain, or merely a cutthroat, duplicitous ally.

Famine feels almost like the inverse of that. She’s presented as an antagonist, and does some vaguely villainous things. But, is she one? There’s a dearth of clarity of intent by comparison. While Makima held her cards close to her chest, her actions themselves were never ambiguous, if that makes any sense. Famine’s motives, her aims, what she does and doesn’t have a hand in—they’re all completely obscure. There are a whole lot of assumptions and impressions of her floating around from Yoru and Yoshida, and she’s probably involved with this Justice Devil business… maybe. But, the devil in question has very little to say for herself, as opposed to Makima, who, when prompted, could justify herself ‘til the cows came home.

Makima’s iconic expression was one of self-satisfied serenity. Famine’s typical expression is, by my reckoning, one of constant, subdued dejection—the sort of look you might wear after glimpsing a dead bird on the pavement, feeling vaguely bummed about it for the rest of the afternoon. Where Makima was consistently scary, Famine has been, at most, creepy, and, more often than that, simply awkward.

With all that in mind, I thought to myself: “Okay, she probably is a villain, but she’s definitely not of the Machiavellian girlboss persuasion. Her vibes are completely different. Makima shall keep her crown”

The degree to which Yoru avoids her was also interesting. If Famine were “crazy” in a straightforward manner, I don’t think Yoru would be so reticent to talk about her. If you think about it rationally, shouldn’t she want Asa to be thoroughly debriefed regarding a powerful enemy who just stepped onto the playing field? For all of Yoru’s clumsiness in other spheres, she’s clever when it comes to fighting, to tactics, to all the things that war entails. But instead, she withdraws into herself and refuses to discuss Famine beyond a single curt warning. Whatever happened between these two, the emotions must have run high.

Then there’s the matter of penguins. For those who aren’t compelled to keep up to date with the intricacies of Japanese wordplay as they become relevant to the story, let me offer a refresher. In Japanese, Famine’s name is 飢餓の悪魔 (kiga no akuma.) The most common term for penguin in Japanese is the loan word, ペンギン (pengin.) However, kiga, when spelled 企鵝, is another word for penguin. She is properly introduced immediately after Denji stomps off to go see penguins, and his line about it is also the subtitle for the cover of volume 14—the one with her face on it. To the Japanese readership, it’s readily apparent that Famine is being connected to penguins in much the same way as Denji is to dogs, Power to cats, or Asa to birds. (As an aside, I’m not sure if this was purposeful or not, but Famine’s conspicuous fuchsia eyes seem reminiscent of a Macaroni penguin’s.)

Now, charming though that pun may be, the question of the meaning behind Famine’s association with penguins remains. Prior instances of characters being personified as animals have always been thematically important, so it’s worth digging into. Here’s what I envision when I think of penguins: they survive in an uncaring and unforgiving environment. They gorge themselves on fatty fish so they can survive fasting as they huddle together for warmth through the sunless winter. They are birds, but cannot fly. They are effortless swimmers, but cannot remain in the water. They live in cute little families, build cute little pebble nests for themselves, and use their cute little feet and bellies to shelter their chicks from the frigid air. The choice to associate her with penguins evokes, in my view, a constant push-pull between profound devotion and stark deprivation.

The denouement of the aquarium arc makes me think I might be onto something with this interpretation. While Kiga (飢餓) perches ominously atop a building in the typical villainous fashion, distant and forlorn, Kiga (企鵝) curiously waddles up to Denji looking for affection, for that all-important hug, which he is happy to provide. And, in that same moment, Famine and Yoshida share a tense glance. I’d like to think I know subtext when I see it, and this moment seems loaded with it. At this point, I started to get the feeling that Famine was being subtly set up as a tragic figure.

It was when volume 14 was released that my synapses started really (mis)firing. When I first saw its inside cover illustration, I felt a heavy sense of significance that’s hard to put into words. There’s a sense of bleak exhaustion radiating off the page, and it fascinated me. Okay, she’s definitely going to be a tragic figure, nothing subtle about it, I thought to myself. I started pondering: just what could that tragedy be? What would have enough gravitas to warrant representing Famine with such dire imagery? And then, the realization that made me obsessed enough to start writing down my thoughts hit me. The four horsemen are siblings. Siblings. What if they’re actually a dark mirror to the would-be siblings we fell in love with in Part 1? Certainly, if I were in Fujimoto’s position, I wouldn’t be able to resist drawing parallels.

I started absentmindedly walking into walls as I wondered to myself: okay, tragic siblings. Got it. But, what is the saddest possible way one could combine these ingredients? Well, how about something that Chainsaw Man has touched on, but never deeply delved into: the devils’ cycle of reincarnation.

I noticed something: neither Makima nor Yoru have ever indicated that they regard their fellow horsemen as siblings, much less addressed them with any implicit camaraderie or endearment—thus far, only Famine has ever done so. And then, I started thinking about that in the context of my musings that the Death Devil might be more killable than the other primal fears. Rather than Death, I venture instead that Famine is the horseman who has never once died. If that were the case, it would serve to explain why she has resting-depression-face, and why she slouches over as if she has something weighing her down.

Consider, also, her insistence on being called Fami. There’s no way to know for sure until we’ve seen her talk to someone who definitely can’t be a horseman, but what if “Fami” (Kiga-chan) isn’t what she wants to be called in general, but how she wishes to be addressed by her siblings? (I suppose Asa would be considered an in-law in this scenario.) It’s a bit weird that Famine objected not only to Yoshida addressing her by her devil title, but also to him calling her Kiga-senpai. It just had to be Kiga-chan. Perhaps that’s how her siblings used to call her, once upon a time, and by insisting that they address her as such, she’s clinging to the vestiges of their old relationship.

Let’s say the story of the four horsemen goes something along these lines: Once upon a time, they were a loving family, found or otherwise. Life sucks, as it does, but in finding solace in each other, they could weather whatever life threw at them. One by one, though, each of them die, except for Famine. That’s okay, though: all she needs to do is seek out their reincarnations, and they can pick up where they left off. But, it’s not quite that simple, is it? Because she’s the only one who carries the memories, the love, the expectations, and the trauma of loss. Even if she managed to make it work out in earlier iterations of the cycle, by the time the story starts, all of that has completely fallen apart. The four horsemen are now enemies bound together by nothing but a shared title, and Famine is the only one who remembers that they were ever anything else.

If all of this is starting to sound familiar, that’s because it’s what Denji is going to have to contend with when he reunites with Power. While hybrids like Denji are very difficult to kill (I’m assuming they work off of lich-rules,) devils like Power don’t have a long shelf life in practice, even if their bodies have no definite lifespan. Assuming he doesn’t get himself truly killed, or otherwise permanently dismembered, then on a long enough timescale, Denji is going to keep persisting while Power, and even Nayuta, are going to keep dying. If he wants to keep their relationship alive, he’s going to have to recreate it every. single. time. a feat which will become increasingly difficult as Denji’s baggage grows, and the shared context forming the basis of their relationship gradually drifts out of synch. That, I think, is the entropy which Denji will soon find himself up against, and Famine’s purpose in the story is to show its terminus—what it means to succumb to it.

Like Denji, Famine will partake of the crapburger for as long as she has a purpose to cling to. That purpose is her siblings, and their former relationship—one that, once upon a time, may have been as profound and loving as the bond between Denji, Aki, and Power. And in that, we may have found the reason why Famine’s most prominent design element is one she shares with Denji. Her pullcord-like earrings are meant to clue the reader in that these two are foils, a pair of middle-children who were thrust into a role of heavy responsibility after losing their siblings.

If Famine were to lay down her burden and let death take her, it might be a relief. But, she has decided to bear the burden of remembering, of witnessing the arc of her siblings’ lives across their many reincarnations. If she lets go, then who they once were, and the bond they once shared, would be completely lost to history, its final thread broken. And so, she keeps on trucking, her expression growing ever more haunted, her feelings and actions becoming ever more unnerving and inexplicable to her siblings, her heart growing ever more twisted, and her signature stoop growing ever more pronounced with the millennia. And, while keeping all that in mind, let me remind you of Yoshida’s possible desire—to erase himself from existence.

Obviously, this all pure conjecture, (an entire Venetian ball gown’s worth, in fact.) But I think an ordeal of this degree would give Famine a tragedy worthy of both her name, and her association with an animal that struggles to keep its family alive against a backdrop of utter desolation. Not only that, it would also tie her into the ongoing theme of parasocial relationships: she can’t help but project her siblings former selves onto their new incarnations, unable to meet them where they’re at, and see them for who they are in the here and now—this disconnect may well be why Yoru is so creeped out by her.

(Speaking of all this reincarnation angst, do you ever think about how our silly little guy Beam seemed to recall his past life with perfect, nonchalant clarity, and simply never saw fit to share with the class? I think about it all time.)

Anyway, if you assume that Famine’s goal is to protect her siblings, and that she’ll intercede whenever one of them is in danger of permanent death, her actions start to make a bit more sense. Why would she want the prophecy that ends with ‘Mars’ reigning to come true? Because she shares Yoru’s worry humanity will stop fearing her, and that her sister will subsequently die for good. Why does she antagonize Chainsaw man? Because she knows her brother wants to use Pochita’s power to kill himself—something she could never abide by.

She may have resigned herself to never being loved or even understood by her family again, to perpetual emotional starvation, but if Pochita ate one of her siblings, then she’d never get to love them again, whatever wholesomeness they once shared would be unspooled from time itself, and not even her memories could keep them alive. She’d fight like hell to stop that from happening, with Pochita and, by extension, Denji, rising to the top of her shit list. This may also serve to explain why she wanted Asa to turn Denji into a weapon—something which would ultimately be counterproductive to Yoru’s goal of getting him to regurgitate the nuke devil. If Famine wants to neutralize the threat Pochita poses to her siblings, merely killing him would only delay the inevitable, since he’d soon be reborn back in hell. But, if she were able to trap him in some sort of limbo state, that might actually ensure he’d never be a threat again. And thus, she sets the aquarium arc in motion.

TL;DR: Famine is basically Homura. Purple? Check. SHAFT headtilt? Check. And with that, I’m finally ready to talk more about the café scene, and why I’m not normal about it.

Having heaped all that additional (highly speculative) context over top it, the scene between Famine and Yoshida at the café is transformed from a mere vehicle for exposition, to a fraught reunion between two people who were once close, but can no longer recognize each other. It would explain why this scene made my subtext senses tingle the first time I read it. When I revisited chapter 122 in light of my speculations, there were several new things I noticed.

Something that had stuck in my craw for the longest time were these little symbolic gestures which connected Yoshida to Aki, of all people. It made no sense to me. Aside from their shared tendency to tower over everyone like a beansprout, what on earth does this smug jackass have in common with our dearly departed, single father of two?

But before I get ahead of myself, I should clarify what those parallels are. Part 2 is littered with small callbacks to concurrent events in Part 1, which seem to exist in dialogue with each other. As for those linking Aki with Yoshida, it starts as soon as the latter’s introduction to Part 2. Part 2 doesn’t have an equivalent to the muscle devil chapter; we go straight from the initial demonic possession to meeting the bestie and saving cats, as it were. As such, Yoshida’s introduction in the second chapter of Part 2 is essentially in tandem with Aki’s introduction in chapter three. Next would be the scene of him and Denji in the café, which is in tandem with Aki’s scene in the hospital in chapter 11. Both come after the Bat Devil is killed and a cat is saved, and both involve Aki and Yoshida respectively trying to bribe Denji with food into behaving. This last one isn’t concurrent like the other two, but Yoshida sitting on Denji reminds me of Aki doing the same at the beginning of the International Assassins arc. It’s all pretty conspicuous, and I’m far from the first to have noticed. So, considering it’s almost certainly deliberate, what is it, then, that motivates comparing Yoshida to Aki?

After eating several rolls of foil, I realize something. What if Yoshida is being compared to Aki because, once upon a time, he was someone’s Aki? Famine’s, to be exact. Given that Famine refers to Yoru as her younger sister, it’s probably safe to assume that the “birth order” of these siblings, as it were, is the reverse of the order they were introduced in the relevant verse from the Book of Revelations, with Death being the eldest, and Conquest being the youngest. The comparisons, I posit, are meant to clue us in that they’re both older brothers.

And then… and then, I realized that, if I was on the right track, you could draw a clean thematic through line from Aki cutting the little bunny apples at Denji’s bedside to bribe him into behaving, to Yoshida taking Denji to a café to bribe him into behaving, to Yoshida inviting Famine to that same café for their stilted conversation. And what’s more, they’re at the same table, and with the same seating arrangements—the only difference being that Famine takes Denji’s spot, providing her with yet another parallel to him. I just about started seeing shrimp-colors, I was so starry eyed.

Maybe I’m hopelessly lost in the confirmation-bias sauce, and seeing something that isn’t there. But, to me, it seems that Famine’s expression becomes slightly more crestfallen than usual after Yoshida threatens her outright. It’s a subtle microexpression, and she’s back to her usual poker face on the next page, but assuming I’m not jumping at shadows, then this further convinces me that he means something to her. I can’t imagine that just any old thing would be capable of putting a dent, however subtle, on Famine’s stony countenance. But, for someone she loves to threaten to kill her? That must still sting, no matter how long she’s had to get used to it.

So, that’s what I think the story of the four horsemen is building to: a millennia-long family drama that’s about to reach nuclear criticality, with both Asa and Denji poised to get caught in the blast radius.

Phew, that was a lot. And I’ll be downright embarrassed if none of it ends up panning out. There’s nothing quite as jarring as pouring your heart and mind into an interpretation, downright making it your baby, only to later realize that you and the author weren’t ever on the same wavelength. However, if we want the rewards of glimpsing shrimp colors, we must submit to the mortifying ordeal of crack theories. To anyone who’s still here, thank you so very much for reading my brain vomit. If even 15% of this ends up being ballpark-accurate, I will die on the spot. In the meantime, please talk to me about how Chainsaw Man is a stealth shonen reimagining of Mawaru Penguindrum; I feel like I’m going insane in my little corner here.

*I think there’s a strong case to be made that Yoru intuited who she was at the time, and was just in denial because she didn’t want to deal with or think about Famine, but my point stands regardless. If she were able to perceive the rings in Famine’s eyes, there’d be no room for either doubt or denial.

#chainsaw man #i'm like... 55% confident in my read of yoshida #75% confident in my grand unified theory of fami #and 90% sure of my penguin analysis

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kimyoonmiauthor · 1 year

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Overview of Bertolt Brecht.

I admit I put off reading Brecht in full, because 99% of the time these guys are a-holes and I haven’t had the mental energy to get through another one. But Brecht is philosophically, at least, easier to read. He’s not a raging a-hole, nor stuffy about what he thinks. He gets to the point quickly and doesn’t beat around the bush or mince words. And honestly after reading Freytag, this is quite refreshing.

So if you have structuralists at one end and Modernists on the other, Brecht kinda of falls somewhere near the middle, but towards the Modernist side.

Brecht is pro-Marxism, anti-capitalist, anti-functionalism. (Getting into Functionalism, the other side of Structuralism would take a while, so... uhhh... Google or similar.). Oddly he gets taken in by capitalists later, but that’s separate of this post.

Original text is here: https://ia801405.us.archive.org/18/items/in.ernet.dli.2015.150164/2015.150164.Brecht-On-Theatre.pdf

This is my particular summary of the text, but may not be yours. So read and check my work.: - Bertolt Brecht is diametrically opposed to two key figures: Gustav Freytag (launching specifically against a lot of Freytag’s theses, if not all of them) and Aristotle on some basic grounds:

- Theater, and writing itself must be FUN.

Page 7.

Page 12

This is his MAIN thesis. He repeats this over and over again.

- Theater has to matter to the contemporary person and be accessible, rather than do calls to the ancient past.

Page 7

This is a stab against Freytag’s thesis which Freytag goes on and on about empathy and how Theater must be a call to the past to make for great Empire building, and thus take over Poland and kill them all. But yeah, the Middle Class and lower class, in Germany should still get their dues. Kinda. Under this Empire making... I said that reading Gustav Freytag was oppressive to read and I do mean it. His contemporaries do better at writing German. I checked.

Page 15. Another stab against Gustav Freytag. He’s against the “Sober” and”Matter-of-fact that Freytag was for. The muted. He calls this “boring.” This is the interview where he defines Epic Theater, but doesn’t come completely agains structure itself. He’s promoting new structure. It should be noted that the notes on this interview state that he was edited by the interviewer, but this is the first time he defines Epic Theater and specifically goes against Freytag, but Freytag isn’t named.

Freytag. Another anti-Freytag statement without naming Freytag.

20-21

He doesn’t stop skewering Freytag over and over again. I have to admit that Freytag does deserve it.

I’ll get to more and add to this document. But not Anti-Shakespeare. He thinks that Freytag (again, Freytag isn’t directly mentioned) is misunderstood. (Which is fair because I’ve gone over Shakespeare prior based on actual facts.)

However, he’s against Aristotle sharply.

Page 24-25 He doesn’t like Sophocles (this is a specific performance commentary.) and is against Oedipus as a play at all. This turns into hating Aristotle. (I like people who hate Aristotle for being a misogynist pig, but some of Aristotle theories of plays, etc were also strange).

So this is where you don’t understand why the whole “Lowest point” philosophy comes into this that the structuralists stole from him (Let’s be honest, stole is the correct word) and somehow attributed to Aristotle. BOOO.

He was pro-optimism, even after 2 World Wars. You have to really, really hand it to this guy. He’s also anti-Empire, but subtly so (well, in my opinion)

So I think the start of the Low Point philosophy is here. This is in direct opposition to Aristotle, BTW.

But notice there is much more going on in this argument that “Bring a character to a low point to see what they are worth.

The argument is specifically saying: The man needs to be in a large group of people, put under pressure by those people, who are both are cooperating and working against that person, to see what they are made of--leadership material or not. It’s NOT saying, you need to bring *every* character to a low point and make the audience suffer--he’s against that.

He’s specifically against the audience relating to the character on a personal level as he’s gone on and on about in case you missed it.

If you missed it, this is kind of part of the “Great Man Theory” but he has an anti-Imperialist view of it. AND he wants the moment where the guy is under pressure to be UPLIFTING. He’s brought to this place of high pressure and SUCCEEDS against the odds. His whole thing is optimism, spectacle, fun and visual wonderfulness in a way that novels can’t achieve.

Some odd thoughts of mine:

There are times I wonder if he has ADHD. Because he talks about impulsiveness as being a good value. And to do things from the gut or it has no value. He likes big. He likes loud. He likes a ton going on in his plays.

There is no way to know because it wasn’t defined until later.

On the spectrum from improviser to outliner, he’s heavily in favor of the improvising side. He goes on at length about how there are people who are in the middle, and on the outlining side, but he prefers heavily to improvise because he’s afraid it won’t be fun.

Theoretically, I do agree that maximizing what theater can do is wonderful--maximize what it is good at.

However, I kind of think there can be a balance between the extremes of spectacle for the sake of it. (Lloyd Webber) and being able to relate to the characters.

You see, I kind of think that Brecht might like Miyazaki films, which are filled with all kinds of empathy, but also because they talk about morality, optimism, and values he really cares about. Mononoke-hime, I would guess would be his favorite. That’s the sort of film he’d like--large cooperative groups. See what people are worth when working together for a bigger cause.

I feel all kinds of pain that his work is SOOO understandable and then he’s misunderstood and buried. It’s oddly uplifting reading through his book. He’s uplifting and actually funny in places. Despite all of the gloom around him, he’s still saying, let’s make music and fun for the audiences that are suffering because we serve them. And that I really love as an attitude. I don’t always agree with specific opinions, but I get the sense that he was lively to work with and talk to as you read through his work. And I would encourage you to. It takes the gloom out of your terrible day. It overflows on the page. And he’s adamant about citing his inspirations, etc (Though he still hasn’t called Freytag by name. lol “Poor” Freytag gets referenced a whole ton but doesn’t get cited in any of these works) While Selden Whitcomb is studious and careful and diligent in a way that makes one envious, Brecht is oddly uplifting and thoughtful at the same time. I can’t hate him even when I disagree, because I’m still saying, “Oh good point.”

#story theory #german story structure #worldwide story structures #bertolt brecht #story structure

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baeddel · 3 years

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is Caliban and the witch worth reading?

i've never read it. i've had the good fortune to have discussed it with three good friends who have, however. cc @canmom @epee-prisme @matador

i think it's worth reading. anything is worth reading. but is it a better use of your time than reading Lazarillo or Religio Medici or Tsurezuregusa? i apparently did not think so.

here is my best argument against reading Caliban and the Witch. Caliban and the Witch is Federici's big book where she proves her theories about primitive accumulation and reproductive labour by putting them to use in an analysis of the origins of capitalism. it is thus a test of a theory using history. but all of the history she uses is wrong. she inflates figures up to orders of ten, she neglects relevant facts and includes false ones. insofar as it is history it is bad history; so insofar as it attempts to prove its theory through history, it fails to prove it. now you are reading for the theory alone, which, while not proved by this book, might still be correct. but if you are reading for the theory alone, why read Caliban and the Witch when the theory has been laid out just as well elsewhere? you should instead read Fortunati's Arcane of Reproduction (1981) and Federici's Revolution at Point Zero (2012). between the 151 pages in Fortunati's book and the 148 pages in Federici's book you'll have to read 299 pages. since the first section of the Revolution... covers much of the same material as the Arcane... you could skip the first 65 pages and read only 234 pages all together. that commits you to between 15 and 80 more pages than you'd need to read to finish the Caliban... (all page numbers exclude covers, acknowledgements, etc.), all covering the theory in more detail and unburdened by factual inaccuracies.

you might want to read for other reasons, although those reasons still might not persuade us. you might read for Federici's wit, but the author of Lazarillo is more witty. you might read for Federici's clever rhetoric, but Thomas Browne's rhetoric is more clever. you might read for Federici's moving arguments, but Yoshida Kenkō's arguments are more moving. is there no reason to ever read Caliban and the Witch? lets not go too far.

here is my best argument for reading Caliban and the Witch. it is, first of all, better to read bad history than good history. when you feel comfortable in the hands of a scrupulous historian you will accept whatever they say. when you know the historian is unscrupulous and expect them to lie you will accept nothing they say. in the first case you will relax as you read and let yourself be impressed by the facts; in the second case you will investigate every claim and scrutinize every argument. we are lazy readers of good history and vigilant readers of bad history. even worse, after you have finished a good history you will set it aside and feel satisfied that you have learned something; yet soon you will forget it, and you have really learned nothing. while you read a bad history you will 'read around the subject', you will confront it with other sources, and you will feel proud and tell your friends whenever you defeat one of its false claims; after you finish you will seek out good criticisms and perhaps write your own. you will never forget this bad book and how you got the better of its scandals.

second of all, the task of reading the Caliban will be to extract the theory from the false facts. the task of reading the Arcane and the Revolution will be to scrutinize this theory which is naked in those texts. it is much easier to discover the underlying theoretical structure of a text than it is to scrutinize it. in the first case you need only the Caliban itself. but to scrutinize the Arcane and the Revolution you will have to be aware of Marx's theory of value and what he means by production, of the various conditions enjoyed by women in various societies, and of competing theories like Roswitha Sholz's value-dissociation. so while you may only need to read 15 more pages to finish the Arcane and the Revolution, in reality you may need to read a few thousand pages before you feel satisfied, whereas with the Caliban you will feel satisfied after only 219 pages.

we admit these are crummy arguments. instead of reading bad histories it would be better to become a vigilant reader of good histories; and you should of course not read only to understand one book but to understand the things it discusses. let me make my real best argument, then. what if we were to read the Caliban not as an academic history, and then find that it is a bad one, but as the same kind of "useful history for life" that Nietzsche liked to write? if you wanted to know something about the history of Chrsitian morality you would be very poorly served by reading the Genealogy of Morals. Christian morality was not first developed by slaves, so it couldn't really be a 'slave revolt' against the morality of slavemasters. but if you feel you have defeated the Genealogy with only this fact you will have fundamentally misunderstood that book and everyone will say so. in the same way that in Plato's dialogues there are not just arguments but characters and situations, and in the Zhuangzi there are not just ideas but "striking images" "the darkness of the Northern Ocean, the bird Peng, the cicada and the dove, the giant gourd and the useless tree" which, for Møllgaard (2005), adds up to a "speculative rhetoric" ("borrow[ing] the term coined by Pascal Quignard") which the arguments about language and understanding cannot be extricated from, in the Caliban we find witches burned at the stake, women in bridles, the trossfrau platoons of sex workers marching after soldiers, heretics living communally on the outskirts of society, and so forth, a speculative rhetoric made up of some things which happened often, some things which happened rarely, and some things which Federici made up. as academic history we find it to be false and dismiss it trivially. but it was ultimately not the inflated figures that made it so useful to communist trans women (we virtually all read and loved it even though it is expedient now to pretend otherwise). perhaps we have not yet begun to really read Caliban, or we have forgotten how to read it. so you should read it, not alongside serious histories about the witch trials and early capitalism, but alongside Nietzsche's On the Uses and Disadvantages of History for Life (1874) and books about hermeneutics. you must begin a new reading of Caliban and the Witch, the coordinates of which we do not already have on hand.

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imbellarosa · 4 years

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Let’s Talk Calm-ly about Two Loves

OR: When you’re a grown man who writes stories for a living, you definitely wrote your own weird bedtime story, too.

The TLDR here is that H has taken one specific listener around the globe, notably to Tokyo and Jamaica. He quotes an old Victorian Poet who was an awful human but who’s lasting legacy is the phrase “a love that dare not speak its name” which is - you guessed it - a reference to queer love. He also is super excited to spend what seems like the foreseeable future with this listener and has bought a little house with a garden of daisies with them and it’s very sweet and domestic. Anyways this is a wild time and it’s all under a cut because it’s...really a lot.

Anyways I think the people I owe thank yous this times around to are @queenlokibeth who had to listen to me scream about this for a while, Astrid, who screamed with me when this came out, and “M” who convinced me to finally get to work in this fandom. And, of course, all of the lovely people tagged below who’s work I used to build my argument.

1.) Who Wrote “Dream With Me”?

Well, not H, or so the story goes. Two other people (Steve Cleverly and Sanj Sen) did! I mean, right, okay, for a while I was like...that seems like an odd choice for a man who didn’t want to hand Two Ghosts over to his own band because it seemed too personal. He wrote on every song in both albums’ he’s released thus far, because he seems to be passionate about telling the stories he wants to tell (even if he won’t tell you explicitly what they’re about). But for a while, I was totally going with the flow there, and the rest of this analysis would still stand: the writer of this story definitely referenced a poem by Lord Alfred Douglas and Harry’s own songs.

However, I then read this fun quote from the Co-founder and CEO of Calm:

“Well,” he said, “The the Harry Styles one is interesting because that came purely from Harry Styles himself...we took the approach of creating a sort of musical epic poem – he doesn’t sing, it’s spoken with poetry, but there’s a sort of musical sound bed to it and it’s pulling on things and themes that Harry’s fans really adore about him and associate with him. So his story was driven really by him – we really created a concept around him.”

- Chris Advansun, July 7th, 2020 via @hlupdate

And I thought, hmmm. This does not sound like a project that he was not involved in creating. From this point on (July, 7th 2020), I began to think of it as a three way co-collaboration between him and the other two authors. But this confused me a bit, because there was largely a nonreaction from the fandom. I was waiting for an actual transcript, because I always fall asleep to these meditation stories, but it was being referenced to as some sort of Y/N fic, which was...honestly not what I expected, but also not implausible, thanks to the ~lovely~ image this man has had since the age of sixteen. But also, twitter seemed to be concerned by other things at the moment, and no one was analyzing the story. .

In fact, I messaged a friend the day that this story dropped, because it had been kind of a shit show day on Twitter. Rumors were sort of flying about everyone and everything: had Liam shaved his head? Was he engaged? Had he and Maya broken up? Were Zayn and Gigi engaged? Had they broken up? Did Niall have a girlfriend? (this one was true lol). Were Elounor engaged? Were they pregnant? Had they broken up??? My personal fav was the bald Liam rumor, which he promptly put to rest in LP Act 1 by...having a huge mane of hair.

So then I thought - huh. Why has today looked like this? I’m not saying that there aren’t days that twitter goes wild because of boredom, because there definitely is - the articles about secret meetings in Italy that are coming out this week (8/12/2020) are proof positive. So that definitely does happen, but it doesn’t usually happen on the days that there’s a lot of content. And maybe I’ve just been starved for content in this fandom, but I would consider a 40 minute video quite a bit of content.

Then the transcript dropped. I’m using two as references - this one on Wattpad and also @carl-and-pearl ‘s version here (thank you so much for the transcript!!). We’re going to get into a more detailed description of what’s going on in the story, but the first thing I recognized immediately is that it was first person POV. I knew that going in, based on the number of Y/N jokes going around on twitter. Then I read it aloud, and I realized that it read like a letter. Like an experience specific to the writer and the reader. And while that’s not super uncommon to write about an experience from the author’s POV - I listen to a podcast called Nothing Much Happens: bedtime stories for adults which has a similar concept - I thought it was odd that they were trying to include both the author and the listener. I completely understood why the y/n jokes were pertinent. But at the same time, it felt like something had snagged in my mind - like a particularly annoying splinter.

The conversations I was having around this story - completely based on the content, concept, and my own instinct - was that this story contained specific references to one person. I thought that it did read like a love letter, and that most identifying features would have been taken out, but the essence remained. Which, once I thought about it, was something that H excelled at doing. Think about Sunflower Vol 6 and Adore You and Canyon Moon and even Watermelon Sugar and Golden. Ask yourself, What do I know about the person they are about? They have skin that browns, they have a secret, they have mesmerizing eyes, they’re willing to dance in the kitchen with him (to dancehall), they have a belly, they’ve been through hard times, they’re witty, they have an accent, and they have lips. I know - super specific right?

So the splinter grew into a thorn - what was I missing? And then - when I was looking for something completely different - I stumbled upon this old interview Harry did with Zach Sang and the Gang Show back in 2017. For context, he was being asked about Sweet Creature. As you can imagine, it’s hard for people to believe he wrote such a beautiful love song when he hadn’t ever really had a long term relationship (two hearts in one home?? Who did you move in with, you can imagine them asking. When did you have time?). So what did he have to say about this?

"In my opinion,” he explained, “I think most songs are written for one listener. Maybe there's one thing in there that only they'll notice about them.... It's so much easier to say something in a song than it is to say it to someone and I think it's really amazing to be able to communicate through that and be able to wrap up everything that you want to say in three and a half minutes and say it in a song."

- HS, May 3 2017

By this time, please believe that I was screeching. Seeing this felt like he put into words the exact feeling I had about “Dream With Me”. It felt like a nod to someone that I didn’t know, which made the story hard to listen to, tbh. Although, I will say that when I did finally listen to it, it knocked me out and gave me odd dreams so. Once was enough for me haha!

So my new operating theory is exactly what Advansun said: I think that H was the primary writer/the driving force behind the story. Because of the references I’m about to run through, because it feels like the way he tells stories, and because they admitted to him being more involved than they originally claimed. That’s going to be how I write the rest of the analysis - under the impression that H had a direct hand in the story that was being put forth. However, I think that the analysis itself would stand whether or not he wrote any of it. It would just be a more tenuous reflection of him than I believe it to be.

2.) How Do I Love Thee? In Two Ways.

Before I jump into the story, let’s talk a little about the poem that I want to compare it to: Two Loves, by Lord Alfred Douglas. Let’s be clear this is not at all a defense of who Bosie was - he was a terrible person, particularly in his later years, when he’d converted to Catholicism and turned his back on his younger self, and his partner, Oscar Wilde. He was violently anti-Semitic, and turned his back on his own community. I want to get this out of the way because I very much believe that we should examine artists for who they are. That is, after all, what I am trying to do here.

But his poem Two Loves has often been used - much to his disappointment, I’m sure - as an exploration of queer love in Victorian times. A line that I will be exploring more deeply in a second was in fact used against Oscar Wilde in his trail for indecency . He attempted - unsuccessfully - to explain it away, but it was too blatantly about their relationship for even the British Victorian society to ignore. I really, really recommend a read of this poem, because it is - despite it’s author - a good piece of work, which explores the themes of shame and love and longing between two men in that time.

I’m going to start with my own background, as someone who’s analyzed fandoms before. I first came across this poem in the Sherlock fandom, with this analysis by @the-7-percent-solution, when I was running in that fandom, and she explains the poem brilliantly in just a few lines. I’m going to take a little longer to run through it, but if you want a concise explanation and a brilliant meta, I encourage you to run to their blog and check it out. That fandom taught me most everything I know about catching symbols and recurring themes and “clueing for looks” and I love it desperately, still.

But we’re here to talk about this fandom, so on with the poem! Essentially, the poem outlines a dream the speaker had: In his dream, he’s standing in a field with flowers - beautiful ones of all kind - and he meets this young man with clear blue eyes and bright red lips and they kiss a bit and have a picnic, and it’s all lovely. If you think I’m kidding, I’m really not. Please, read it for yourself.

Anyways, after they did they did the whole picnic thing, the speaker and his date go on a walk in this field, where they come across two figures. The first is described as,

“...fair and blooming, and a sweet refrain Came from his lips; he sang of pretty maids And joyous love of comely girl and boy, His eyes were bright, and 'mid the dancing blades Of golden grass his feet did trip for joy; And in his hand he held an ivory lute With strings of gold that were as maidens' hair, And sang with voice as tuneful as a flute, And round his neck three chains of roses were.”

- Two Loves, 1894

The speaker, however, was drawn to the second figure:

“He was full sad and sweet, and his large eyes Were strange with wondrous brightness, staring wide With gazing; and he sighed with many sighs That moved me, and his cheeks were wan and white Like pallid lilies, and his lips were red Like poppies, and his hands he clenched tight, And yet again unclenched, and his head Was wreathed with moon-flowers pale as lips of death. A purple robe he wore, o'erwrought in gold With the device of a great snake, whose breath Was fiery flame..”

- Two Loves, 1984

Of course, the speaker immediately asks the second man who he is. The second man says, “My name is Love”. The first man corrects him quickly:

“ He lieth, for his name is Shame, But I am Love, and I was wont to be Alone in this fair garden, till he came Unasked by night; I am true Love, I fill The hearts of boy and girl with mutual flame.”

-Two Loves, 1984

The second man sighs and acquiesces, “Have thy will. I am the love that dare not speak its name.”

It was, of course, this last line that really gave the meaning of the poem away. It was the line that was put to Oscar Wilde as proof of a romantic relationship, it was the line that went down in history as a way to refer to queer love, and it was the line that first stuck out to me when I was reading “Dream With Me”.

The reading here is clearly that “Love” is the love that is acceptable to society - easy, sweet, and cherished. “Shame” is the love that happens in secret - beautiful, alluring to the speaker, passionate, anxious ( as can be seen in the clenching and unclenching of his hands), and proud. He refuses to call himself as anything but what he is. The first man may call him Shame, but he refuses the name, and instead, offers a qualifier to his own descriptor. He is still love, he is just the love that can’t be spoken about.

3.) Walking in Golden Fields of Sunflowers

Now let’s talk about “Dream With Me”. I’m ignoring the first few stanzas (from the line “Have you ever wondered” to “What the two of us can find”.) because those are pretty standard introductory paragraphs to a guided meditation. So we start with the line “Let’s travel now to moonlit valleys...”.

I’m going to do the same thing I did with “Two Loves” first. I am going to describe literally, in general terms, what happens in the story. Warning, I change pronouns from “they” to “you” because the whole thing confuses me, but note that I’m always talking about the speaker and the listener:

So after doing the standard intro, the speaker and the listener take a walk through the woods enjoying nature, particularly the grass, the trees, and the blue sky above. You’re already clearly in love. Then you’re magically on a raft, with cherry blossoms all around you. If you want a good visual for that, here’s a site that has pictures from a boat rental in Tokyo where you can snuggle on a raft in the Chidorigafuchi moat. And then suddenly it starts raining, and they (you) watch the rain for a hot second, and then the scene magically shifts again, and you’re under a porch (although I guess it could be the boat rental’s porch. They do usually have covered areas).

Kind of furthering that theory, they then lounge by the shoreline, skipping stones and hanging out, looking at the snow capped mountains. In case you’re curious, because at this point I sure was, you can see mountains from certain areas in the city of Tokyo.

Anyways, then it’s snowing, and you’re magically in a cabin, just chilling by the fire, and you fall asleep again. You wake up somewhere else.

Where are you now? Well, you’re on a tropical island filled with palm trees. As an American, my mind immediately jumps to the Caribbean, but I suppose it could absolutely be in the Mediterranean as well. The island has white beaches, mangroves, a turquoise ocean, and a gorgeous, peaceful atmosphere.

If you’re curious as to what a mangrove looks like - and I certainly was - they are a group of trees and shrubs that live in the coastal intertidal zone and Jamaica is doing a massive restoration project involving primary school children to regrow this vital part of their ecosystem. More interestingly, there currently exist no mangrove forests in the Mediterranean, so my initial feeling that this scene would take place in the Caribbean was correct. On that note - again, because I was curious - Jamaica has gorgeous white sand beaches with turquoise oceans.

But I’ve gone off topic again! After you’re minds are “in tune” once more (trying to find a heartbeat, anyone?), you reappear in a meadow, with beautiful flowers of all kind, where you are now walking hand in hand through a field of sunflowers, which give the feeling a “warm and golden hue”. Then you come across a little farmhouse with daisies poking out (clearly I have no way of locating this anywhere in the world, but I assume that the UK has both sunflowers and daisies). It’s an empty house which was loved and left because of the passage of time, which inspires my favorite line in the poem: “ The thought of passing time inspires/A feeling that grows stronger”. It’s just...really sweet to me.

So, of course, they do what anyone would do when they come across an empty farmhouse, they go inside. And there, they begin to fall asleep, reflecting on all they have just seen, referencing other scenes of the poem: “ Moonlit valleys, Burdened forests, Gazing at the ocean. Summer meadows, Tranquil sunsets steeped in emotion”.

The next few stanzas are just going to be copy-pasted, and then I’ll go into them a bit, but this is the end of the poem, so they’re the final reflections;

“The tenderness we feel When we are close Two minds as one Surrounds us and connects us But we’ve only just begun.

For now we dream together Of all there is to follow. And know that sleep will keep us safe From now until tomorrow.

Maybe all the memories That we’ve gathered here tonight Are all dreams now remembered Or wishes in plain sight.

No matter what They’re with us now. For this night and forever. And every time we close our eyes They’re yours and mine to treasure.”

- HS, Dream With Me, via @carl-and-pearl

And that’s it! The literal story, in short, is that you started in a forest, then went to Tokyo (maybe) and then Jamaica (perhaps) and then back to a field of sunflowers and daisies in the UK (which is also a guess, it could be Italy or France or Idaho for all I know, but let’s call it an educated guess).

4.) My Dream Journal

So now that we know what happens in the story, how do we interpret this? Well, There are a few lines in the poem that I want to draw your attention to: the first takes place in the first part of this story, when you’re still in the forest. This is, I must say, the most direct reference to Two Loves in the whole poem/song/story. Both works are describing a walk in the woods with your loved one, and, in a fun reference in the middle of the story, Dream With Me says

The shimmering reflection Shows us smiling from above. But what we think But dare not speak is L-O-V-E love.

-Dream With Me, 2020

Remember that line I mentioned before? I am the love that dare not speak its name. Right, so that’s almost a direct quote. It also has a really fun nod to “I Would” (Would he say he’s in L-O-V-E?/Well if it was me then I would), but I digress.

This first part of the narrative, I feel, really sets up what the rest of it will look and feel like, in the same way that “Golden” sets the tone for Fine Line. (You didn’t think I was going to make a post about Harry and NOT mention Golden, did you?? If you did, I’m disappointed!!). So let’s take a look at what’s happening, and the language he’s using to describe it.

One of the best things about this poem is how vivid it feels. Of course, I’m about to argue that it’s vivid because it was based in reality, but let’s talk about the sheer amount of detail he uses to describe the place he’s walking through. The valley (canyon lmao) is moonlit, the grass and the leaves make mosaics of green, you’re walking by the heather (the symbolism of heather is good luck, admiration, and protection), the sepia sunlight breaks through the trees.

You know what it kind of sounds like? Sweet Creature. You’re about to roll your eyes at me! I can feel it! But listen, okay?

“Sweet creature Running through the garden Oh, where nothing bothered us But we're still young I always think about you and how we don't speak enough”

Which, to be honest, sounds like what they’re doing. They’re walking through the garden in the sun, not daring to speak about the Love that he (they both) feel, and instead refering to it in veiled Victorian terms.

And then we head to Tokyo! I know that you’re about to ask me why I think it’s Tokyo versus...idk, anywhere else? Well, for one, he went to Tokyo (to let it go) publicly in 2019. He was there for a few months, and there are some great pictures of that time:

Look! Here he is with his club owner friend and his dog, and a fun red bandanna! But let’s be honest, the dog really steals the show here. But wait! there’s more! More dog content, too!

This was on Jan 31st, 2019, and he’s taking the dog for a walk! Very cute! If nothing else, he spent a lot of time with dogs in Tokyo! And the city fits the description of the story. So I feel rather comfortable with my interpretation that this first date is a memory of this trip - or another - to Tokyo.

So what did “you both”do in Tokyo? Well, chill on a raft while the cherry blossoms flutter around you, clearly. You also refocused your purpose. What did he do in Tokyo in 2019? Well, he took time to think about and write songs for the album he was about to go record. Kind of like refocusing on what’s next, right? And then, in the story when “you both” had time to think amongst the lake and the water and the rain and the moon, and you’d come to the conclusions you needed to, you left. What did he do when he did the things he needed to? Well, he left, too.

And where did he go? Well, in real life, I suppose he went to do his job. But, in the story, you’re meant to be falling deeper and deeper into sleep, so it’s sort of like traveling backwards, you see? Like counting down to one. So you end up on this island with turquoise ocean and mangrove forests. I’m calling this Jamaica. Why? Well, the description fits, for one, down to the four types of mangroves that exists within its ecosystem.

And - probably the biggest reason - I can place him there, too. Here’s him in 2017:

I added this picture because the water around him....looks rather turquoise, doesn’t it? Kind of like he’s enjoying his time on a tropical island by the beach?? Oh, and here’s another one!:

The red bandanna makes a comeback!

So what are you doing in Jamaica, according to the story? Well, you’re hanging out, basically. Enjoying the beach and each other, of course! What else? To be exact, “[Your] thoughts dovetail and unify/ In tune two minds together”. I’m so glad that you’re tuned like an old guitar now! Congrats! Really happy for you!

What was he doing in Jamaica three years ago? Why, he was recording his first album, or so the story goes. I’ll tell you something: finding press for that album was literally the most difficult part of this whole analysis. I got a fair bit of the tattoo roulette with Kendall Jenner, and some things about Carolina, but the interview with Zach Sang took me like an hour and a half to find again to link. The fact that a lot of it has been buried is...not great, for posterity purposes. He’s going to want that one day.

But I’ve gotten off track again! We gotta go back and finish our story, right? What happens now? Well, this does:

hahahaha okay, I’m really sorry, but I had to. I’m not, actually, making it up though! According to the story:

“ As minutes turn to hours We drift off somewhere new. And visualize a stairway To a door we now walk through”

- Dream With Me, 2020

So maybe Louis was just...demonstrating for you.

Anyways! Where do you walk out to? A golden field full of sunflowers. You walk for a minute, then come across an old house with daisies popping up out of the garden. And that’s where the story ends. I guess you’ve made that farmhouse feel like home.

Now to the little reflection he does on the outro. The lines I want to bring your attention are: “The tenderness we feel when we are close two minds as one surrounds us and connects us but we’ve only just begun” and “Maybe all the memories that we’ve gathered here tonight are all dreams now remembered or wishes in plain sight.”

Let’s talk about the first sentence first. In the context of finding a home that could be a shared home, and a future, this is very much an “end of the story, beginning of our lives” sort of thing. You’re back from all over, and it’s time to settle down, and see what’s next.

And now the second sentence. I think this is the one that really drives my point about this story being a collection of memories he has - that’s what he calls it. The story is “gathered memories” that might also be called “remembered dreams” (think of how people say of vacations, “oh it was a dream!”) or you might call it “wishes in plain sight”. This feels in line with the rest of the story. In this stanza, he’s sort of letting you in a bit. If I’ve read this right - and I really think that I have - he’s giving the larger context for the story. It’s a collection of memories he’s had with someone he loves.

5.) Cool! Can you prove it?

I mean, I’d argue that if you read this far, I have proved it, but let’s make some more links, shall we? This was called a “muscial epic” that was “driven by him”. I’d argue that if I know my Victorian literature (thank you, Sherlock!), then he definitely does. Then there’s the fact that he quoted it, so. That did happen. And he knows what it means. And even if he didn’t, there were two other people on the story. Someone was more than capable of catching that one, and the fact that they didn’t speaks to intent. They want you to think of that phrase when you read this poem. They want you to think of that walk in the woods while you’re going on this one.

And, as for my assumption that this is for and about one person, well. Think about it. He said that he writes his songs for a single listener. I’m not saying it’s the same listener each time, let’s get that right, but it is always just for one person. With that, and with the assumption that he’s been involved in the writing of this story, I’d say that the same rule applies. He went with someone to Japan and Jamaica (J^2 haha). And, if I had to guess, it was the same person.

Why, you ask? Well, for one, if that weren’t the case, then this poem would no longer be for one listener, it would be for multiple. And, for another, imagine how awkward it would be to listen to it with his current partner and have to explain “oh, yeah that was the super romantic vacation I took with someone else” . And, I suppose that because I think that attitude of “refocusing” and “dovetailing” and “tuning” and getting excited about imagining all of the tomorrows with your partner speaks to a long term relationship breathing easily, you know?

I’m also going to argue that describing the aura around the house as “golden” was intentional, especially when paired with the location - in the middle of a field of sunflowers. Those are both direct references to his songs. And those two songs are particularly linked by the number 28. The third song that features 28 is Fine Line the song, but that’s a different story. Anywho! “Golden”’s bridge just repeats the word ‘golden’ twenty eight times (if you go here , you can count the bridge) and “Sunflower Vol. 6″ ends the song with 28 “boops” (believe me, I wish I was making this up. I’m not.). So then, once again, you’ve linked a story to two already linked songs.

And, even if you don’t buy the intentional repetition, they’re linked another way, aren’t they? The color scheme and the sun symbol. Sunflowers were named because of their sun-like appearance. They turn to face it. They symbolize loyalty and adoration. And then, of course, the sun is - say it with me - golden. And it - like the person in golden - waits in the sky, beautiful and dangerous and constant. And here that symbol is, in a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. At home.

This whole story feels like you’re taking the time to find that heartbeat that you think you might have lost, and sort of coming back to a space where you understand that this is what you want, now and forever. It feels like finding a home that could be yours forever, and it feels like walking through some of the moments that remind him of that.

It really is rather lovely, if you think about it, especially since he has a tendency to attribute “home” to people rather than place, in his songs. So it’s like. Going all around the world and always being at home.

#harry styles #calm #dream with me #two loves #honestly man #im happy for you #but ewww #be less sappy please #i mean #SOME OF US DONT HAVE THAT YET HAROLD #hahahaha i think im funny #long post ts #idk how else to tag this but im really proud of it #okay now i'll do the penguin song #promise hahaha

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axiang-n-chengling-s-dads · 3 years

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11. Extraordinary You: Theories Part 1

Self Awareness

An obvious question that any viewer would have while watching the show, is, how and why do the characters gain self-awareness?

Though I do have a theory for this, there is good reason why the characters never find out the answer to the question: like everything else, there is immense amount of uncertainty regarding the very nature of self-awareness-- is it a boon, or another trick of the writer’s? Even so, the fact that there is no fail-proof formula for it means that a character once losing self-awareness could never get it again, or a character never gains it in the first place, leading to tragedies like the end of ‘Trumpet Creeper’.

Keeping that in mind, in the last scene of Extraordinary you, we see some philosophy by Heidegger, so I thought it would be worth to read up a bit on his beliefs to see if Extraordinary You borrowed anything from it.

And I found some parts that help explain my initial theory, from the article linked here (https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/heidegger/).

This gives us a way of understanding statements such as “Dasein is ontically distinguished by the fact that, in its very Being, that Being is an issue for it” (Being and Time 4: 32). Mulhall, who tends to pursue this way of characterizing Dasein, develops the idea by explaining that while inanimate objects merely persist through time and while plants and non-human animals have their lives determined entirely by the demands of survival and reproduction, human beings lead their lives (Mulhall 2005, 15).

Here, Dasein, seems a lot like gaining self-awarness, a state where one is aware of one’s Being, as an individual and in reference to the rest of the world. If we move forward with this connection and learn about Heidegger’s different modes(?) of being, then we see this para.

Thus when I am absorbed in trouble-free typing, the computer and the role that it plays in my academic activity are transparent aspects of my experience(readiness-to-hand). But if the computer crashes, I become aware of it as an entity with which I was working in the practical context of my office, in order to write an encyclopedia entry aimed towards presenting an introduction to Heidegger's philosophy.(un-readiness-to-hand) And I become aware of the fact that my behaviour is being organized for the sake of my being an academic. So disturbances have the effect of exposing totalities of involvements and, therefore, worlds.

In other words, (Readiness-to-hand) is sort of like being un-self-aware-- the characters play their roles fluidly, without seeing the mechanism or trope that they’re playing out, or their role in the bigger scheme of the story.

(Un-readiness-to-hand) then, is them becoming self-aware, i.e. becoming aware of the tropes and roles they play in the story, or essentially how they’re used as a tool in it’s making.

In the first state, i.e. Readiness-to-hand, while one is still somewhat aware of their Daesin, it is not completely. Even so the capability of being fully aware still persists. It simply needs an event to occur to bring it to the forefront.

Similarly, I believe that the character’s self awareness already exists within them, but they need something to go wrong, or malfunction as it is, for them to become self-aware.

What event must that be then?

I propose that this is made of two factors. One, considering that in our theory, Self-awareness is something already present in each character, something needs to occur, on the stage or otherwise, that goes against the personality or decisions of the Self-aware self.

Two, there needs to be questioning of their current Un-aware state, which can only really be done by other already self-aware people. I will elaborate on this later.

As we’ve seen, Jinmichi Fairy, Dan Oh and Haru all were self-aware in the previous book, and are the first ones to gain awareness in ‘Secret’ too. Taking the first aspect of our theory, all three had untimely tragedies in ‘Trumpet Creeper’, i.e. events that can be the trigger that causes ‘malfunctioning’ in their stage-selves; and seemingly have their self-awareness therefore passed on to ‘Secret’.

When Soo Hyang is added to the book towards the end, she is also immediately self-aware, having her own untimely death in the previous comic as her trigger event. A character like Baek Kyung, though he seemed to be gaining awareness towards the end of ‘Trumpet Creeper’, did not, and therefore does not gain self-awareness quickly like the four others in ‘Secret’.

On the other hand, for character’s like Lee Do Hwa, Baek Kyung and Yeo Ju Da, who did not carry any self-awareness from previous books, and therefore had to become self-aware for the first time, our theory still holds out.

Lee Do Hwa starts to become self-aware when his stage-self only loves Ju Da passively, where as his shadow-self starts to want to actively pursue her and change his role as the second-male-lead. For him, Ju Da is what triggers the ‘malfunctioning event’. Additionally, he is also in a lot of contact with Dan Oh, who is already self-aware, and keep making him question his un-aware-self (“You will not remember once the stage changes.” etc).

Baek Kyung also gains self-awareness when his stage-self keeps on ditching and mistreating Dan Oh, while his shadow-self starts to have feelings for her, running back towards her once the stage is over. Dan Oh is the reason for his stage-self to ‘malfunction’ then. He is also repeatedly told things like “It doesn’t matter you’ll forget anyway.” “It was just the stage, you’re just a character.” etc. It is a combination of this that finally renders him fully self-aware.

With Ju Da it is also the same. Initially her self-awareness starts to blossom when she wants to stop being bullied and take revenge on her bullies, but it is accelerated when Lee Do Hwa starts to make her question her stage-self, and is finally fully self-aware when she falls for Do Hwa instead of Nam Joo. For her, Do Hwa causes the ‘malfunctioning’ of her stage-self.

Characters like Nam Joo, Sae-Mi and others show signs of becoming self-aware once or twice, but never really become so, because the event that would trigger it never occurs. Ju Da returns his feelings eventually, his rift with Lee Do Hwa does not last too long, and more importantly, no one really tries to make him question his role or his stage-self.

Similarly, Sae-Mi shows signs of becoming self-aware when Baek Kyung shows her that she’s always framed as a villain, and when she begins to fall for Soo Chul even when she’s still supposed to be in love with Nam Joo. But ultimately the writer does pair her up with Soo Chul, and she is called-out for her bullying by Ju Da, so even when her becoming self-aware seems like a promising aspect it never really occurs.

Especially from the fact that self-awareness is carried from one comic world to another, and that once lost self-awarness can be regained again, I am certain that, like Dasein, self-awareness is an inherent quality in all characters, it only needs trigger events for it to be brought to the surface.

An Extra: Symbolism

This is a small extra section where I thought it would be fun to point out a scene where I saw some other-than-obvious symbolism. While there is a lot of it in the content that teacher’s speak in the background, it is comparatively more obvious and easier to spot, so I’ve left that out.

Here is the scene:

As you can see, this scene is the height-measuring scene that Baek Kyung and Dan Oh have, after Dan Oh loses her self-awareness. In this scene, especially in the last shots of it, the two are framed so that Dan Oh does not have a shadow while Baek Kyung does. As the scene finishes, the camera focuses first on Dan Oh’s shadow-less self and then on Baek Kyung’s shadow.

Here the symbolism is simply that while Baek Kyung is fully self-aware and is in his ‘Shadow’ self, Dan Oh is not her real self, having lost her self-awareness. Not being her true ‘Shadow’ self, she is framed without a shadow in this scene.

#extraordinary you #extraordinary you meta #july found by chance #meta #kdrama #kdrama recs #doom at your service #my roommate is a gumiho #vincenzo #the devil judge #penthouse #meta analysis

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theyre-just-blocks · 3 years

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Let’s talk about Big Q, shall we?

As always, I’ve got stuff to say about Quackity (the character). And after today’s streams, I’ve got a few things to say/point out. I did not stay up to write this 2,343 word character analysis, no I did not.

Right off the bat I noticed how uncharastically quiet Big Q was during the whole thing. He wasn’t streaming it today either (yeah, he streamed later, but still) and I just thought that it was interesting. He had his moments where he was himself (cursing, being loud, taking off his clothes) but there were moments where he was just,, uncharastically quiet.

On top of that, these quiet moments were spent staring at Ranboo. At least, his character was positioned so that it was looking directly at him and it’s rather unnerving, especially with that smiley face skin. Then when Dream reveals Ranboo to be a “traitor” Quackity even said, “I fucking knew it”, so something tells me that he’s been suspecting Ranboo for sometime now.

When they were at the festival too, he was acting odd. On top of staring at Ranboo from time to time, he approached Ranboo about him wearing armor in L’Manburg. Of course, wearing armor in L’Manburg isn’t permitted, but it was raining and Ranboo is half enderman. Quackity seemed to really be angry with Ranboo for breaking that law, albeit he was hiding most of his anger, but I’m sure that Ranboo has worn armor before within the walls of L’Manburg. So why all of a sudden? Why call it out? Then when he asked Tubbo about it and Tubbo said that they could make the exception, Quackity responded with “Alright, whatever you say Mr. President '' in the most passive aggressive voice that even I felt attacked.

On top of that little moment, Quackity excused himself from a Festival game to “go get something”. Granted he didn’t seem to take that long (I didn’t really get a number) but while he was gone he was whispering to Tubbo about when Dream was coming. But I just thought it was weird that he just disappeared like that. When he came back, of course, he didn’t have anything. Not even Tubbo knew what he was doing. But no one seemed to question it at all afterwards.

Let’s also talk about how nervous Big Q seemed about the Dream confrontation. He was clearly worried that Dream might not show. He was nervous, he admitted that he was. When he went up against Techno, someone he’s feared for a while now, he wasn’t nervous. He was confident. He even PVPed him, but all of a sudden with Dream he’s nervous? We’ve seen him stand up to Dream before (Mexican L’Manburg) so why would he be worried about whether Dream shows or not?

And of course, we can’t forget to mention his skin changes. I thought I was seeing things when Quackity’s profile in the list of members on the smp showed up as a frowny face. I thought that was just some kind of glitch or something because it would go back to normal a few seconds later. And I noticed that there seemed to be something wrong with his face. When he would turn, it seemed like his face wasn’t connected. And wouldn’t you know, I wasn’t seeing things. Several times today in the ruined Community House, Quackity had the unnerving frown (and a bald head) and when he was talking to Tubbo about Ranboo, he kept turning and it was very clear that the smiley face is a mask and the true face of Quackity is a frown.

Speaking of his discussion with Tubbo about Ranboo, let’s talk about that whole ordeal, yeah? When I thought they had dropped it, moved past the need to talk about Ranboo’s book and involvement with Techno and Tommy, Big Q drops the bomb by demanding that they execute them. Thank god Tubbo was able to talk some sense into him (PTSD will do that to you), but it was still yet another account of Big Q wanting to see some bloodshed. And he was awfully persistent about it, to the point where it was concerning.

And going back on what I said in a previous post about Big Q always wanting power, right from the elections, I got my confirmation about it in Tubbo’s stream today at an hour and thirty three minutes.

“Tubbo, listen to me. What you need is order, Tubbo. The fucking issue is that there’s no order in L’Manburg. Nothing that’s been happening up to this point has been order... I want what’s best for the country. That’s what I’ve wanted since the very beginning, Tubbo. If not then I wouldn’t have ran! I want to be President Tubbo, I want to do something good”

Whether it’s an obsession with power, a need to maintain order, following governmental ideals, or an actual want to do some good, you can’t deny that Quackity’s character has always wanted power, an opportunity to prove himself. And maybe because L’Manburg keeps failing him, keeps failing to give him those right opportunities to do so, that’s why he leaves. He’s frustrated with the country, so he just...leaves.

And if Quackity’s Greek parallel is indeed Icarus (I think Techno mentioned it once in a stream) then power would be his hubris, his downfall. His want for power and need for order are going to be the sun that’s going to melt his wings. If he is working with Dream to get power, isn’t that the LITERAL definition of “flying too close to the sun”?

Also, this is a little unrelated. But in Bastille’s song “Icarus” there’s a line that goes, “You put up your defenses when you leave. You leave because you’re certain of who you want to be,” and I just think that’s very fitting for Quackity in terms of what just happened.

There was a lot that happened with Big Q’s character today, and seeing as he’s my favorite on the SMP (aside from Sam of course) I was thrilled with today’s streams. But in terms of where these new developments might lead, I’m a little worried. So yeah, I’ve got theories.

We discussed this in the Awesamdude discord, but the possibility of Quackity being a suspect for the destruction of the Community House came up. Here are a few reasons why he is one of the prime suspects (the other being Dream):

Quackity left during the Festival to “go get something” and this could’ve been the perfect chance for him to go and grief the Community House.

Though we know that Dream hates Quackity and Quackity hates Dream, it’s possible that they’ve made a deal. Dream could’ve promised Quackity the power he’s wanted since day one. Whether that be in guaranteeing that El Rapids can remain a country, or after Dream destroys L’Manburg, Quackity can come out on the top. He can have what remains. It would be an easy way out for Quackity after being dismissed time after time again and denied the chance to prove himself and build the ideal government.

That could explain why he was worried about Dream showing up or not. He wasn’t worried about the deal Dream made to Tubbo (showing up without armor), it was more so the deal Dream made with Quackity and getting the power that Dream promised.

Not to mention, it also benefits Dream as well. By getting Quackity on his side by using power as leverage, he’s able to eliminate one of the few threats to him on the SMP. True, I’m sure he’ll betray him in the end/use him, but right now he needs to focus on Tommy and the discs. He needs to get Quackity out of the way, so by siding with him and making a deal, it makes things easier for Dream.

And if Quackity is possessed by Schlatt, Dream was an old ally to Schlatt, so if Schlatt took control during the deal, then it would make sense why it was made.

It’s possible and very likely that this isn’t the case though. They really do seem to hate each other and Quackity is very adamant about killing Dream. But maybe it’s all just an act? Maybe it’s just all a plot to ease sus off of Quackity.

But why and how could Quackity leave his friends like that so easily? Oh boy, lemme tell you..

I will never let go of possession Quackity/Reviving Schlatt AU.

If Quackity is possessed then it would make sense why he’s able to let go of his friends so easily. Schlatt might be manipulating him behind the scenes and thus cause Quackity to lose trust in his friends. Schlatt felt betrayed by everyone (as he should) and might be telling Quackity that the same will happen to him. Quackity even admitted to not trusting Ranboo from the start, and that could be a result of eating Schlatt’s heart and having his influence on him.

Let’s also not forget how ready Quackity was to kill Ranboo. He wanted an execution. He kept repeating “traitor” like a broken record. Tubbo even pointed out the parallel to Quackity that he was doing EXACTLY what Schlatt did to Tubbo at the festival. Quackity himself even said that he was LIVID about Ranboo being a traitor. And even after Tubbo tried to talk sense into him how Ranboo wasn’t a traitor, he just has short term memory, Quackity still referred to himself as such.

It would make sense that Quackity would hate traitors. In terms of his character, he was betrayed by Schlatt. Someone who he thought would love him and help him rule Manburg in a way that would help everyone, his ideal government. But of course, Schlatt was shit and didn’t fulfill those expectations. And then when things did get better, his country betrayed him. Tubbo betrayed him. When Quackity agreed to stand up against Dream and not exile Tommy, Tubbo agreed with him. Then he went against that plan. And L’Manburg didn’t meet up to his expectations. It never did and he never got the power he wanted.

And if Quackity is possessed by Schlatt, that could also explain his whole bit about going on and on about killing the traitor. When Schlatt found Tubbo to be the traitor, we know what happened. He had him executed. That whole scene leading up to his death, he kept saying how everyone left him. When he needed them most, everyone left. He felt betrayed by them, so it makes sense that after finding out that there’s ANOTHER traitor in the cabinet, he’s going to get angry about it. He doesn’t want it happening again.

And with Wilbur’s comment about Schlatt being a lawful evil. He’s going to keep order no matter what it takes. If you’re a traitor, you’re going to get what’s coming to you, so it would make sense that he’d want Ranboo dead as well. And even if that’s not the case, the description of wanting order no matter what fits Quackity’s current character right now.

Now let me add in Dad Schlatt because I have daddy issues.

I like to think that if Quackity is possessed by Schlatt or something, his whole speech to Tubbo before saying he was out and leaving was just Schlatt trying to communicate to his son. He was angry that Ranboo would betray his cabinet and maybe because he wants to be a better dad or something, he wants to make sure the thing that happened to him doesn’t happen to Tubbo. He tells him not to trust anyone, even Quackity (it could be him warning that Quackity and Dream are working together) and that he can’t let people walk all over him. He’s trying to give him advice, trying to guide him to be a better president.

If he wasn’t able to help Tubbo at all when he was alive, maybe this was the one chance that he got to do so.

But more likely, that was just Quackity trying to give Tubbo some last advice before leaving.

Now, maybe he left only to return with a revived Schlatt? Only to watch Doomsday from the sidelines? What is he planning?

And what was up with the frown? I don’t think I’ve seen him keep it on for as long as he did in the past. I had thought that it might’ve been a result of eating Schlatt’s heart, but that wasn’t the case. I went back to look at old videos and sure enough, the frown was underneath the smile. I don’t know if this is something that’s always been there, or if it appeared after a certain event (election maybe?) but I want to know WHY he has it.

Is it just for memes? Is it supposed to symbolize the fact that he puts on this literal mask to appear to be the “funny guy” when that’s not the case?

Or, or, if we’re going off shape-shifter Quackity, what if that’s one of the traits? That magical part of him (being a shapeshifter) could also maybe allude to his personality. He’s going to change to make sure he fits in. If he’s got to act a certain way to get where he needs to be, he’s going to do it. He’s going to change in order to ensure that happens. If Dream says to join him and get power in return, then maybe he’s going to say yes.

And let’s not even talk about the fact how he basically has the same smiley mask as Dream and his real one is the opposite.

Whatever it is though, it caught me off guard today, but it makes for some killer fanart and headcanons, so I loved it (though I was uncomfortable when it happened).

I was going to wait and see how the events played out tomorrow and then talk, but this obviously was already a lot, so it be easier to make predictions now and whatnot and then see what happens tomorrow.

With that being said, I am, scared.

#dream smp #dsmp #dream smp spoilers #dsmp spoilers #quackity #big q #character analysis #oh man i'm so tired #this is all i thought about today #that might be concerning #but whatever #i put more effort into this than homework haha

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wehatejulietsimms · 3 years

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It takes one to know one...

I remember someone asking for a theory about "Know One" from The Ghost of Ohio. This was very interesting to dissect and I'd love to do the entire album. I think we really get a clear picture about what Andy was going through with Andy Black.

"Now it's clear they'll live without me.

I'm not sure the stars align."

Perhaps this is Andy's acknowledgment that he is no longer part of the "family." They've pushed the narrative of Andy and Juliet being "star-crossed lovers" since day one. It sounds like he is pushing back on that by saying the stars don't align.

"They just fear that it's not easy.

The stage is empty all the time."

They won't be bothered by his absence, just concerned that their biggest form of revenue will dry up. Maybe this explains the push for Juliet to break out as a successful artist, using whatever little exposure she can get from Andy while she still has control. Andy might feel like a hollow shell of the man he once was, thus the stage is empty. This might relate back to the line, "it's alright, they just let your heroes die." He mourns the loss of his personality that has been corrupted and tainted by their lies. The "hero" we fell in love with has been lost and in his wake is left a bland and depressed Scientologist. So much so to the point where he didn't enjoy his band anymore and almost ended it entirely.

"The world feels different when you're crazy.

Make it work and sing the lines."

It is likely that Andy has been convinced that he is crazy and flawed. He's been manipulated and controlled.

"I can't change the way they look at me.

I won't show you what you'll never see."

Andy has likely been through intense auditing which could explain the changes we've observed. He seems to be expressing his powerlessness towards it all. The fact that no amount of auditing will ever change who he is and how people interpret him. He knows that he can never win, even if he told them everything.

"Waste the life I dedicated.

On the 5 I turn the page."

As he expressed in, "The Promise," we know that he betrayed the promise he made to himself as a kid. All his hard work feels wasted. I've had a suspicion that he's been under the radar. That would mean that he's separating himself from the church while still doing what he must to remain in good standing. He's likely spent the last few years reading, practicing and doing whatever they tell him to in order to keep his family and the life he knows.

"I'm not so confident to argue,

That I won't miss you everyday."

He knows exactly what he has to do, but that doesn't make it any easier when your entire life is wrapped up in it.

"I don't wanna fix it,

I will never turn back time."

Since I'm operating on the assumption that he is under the radar, with all that we know now it seems safe to presume that at some point he tipped them off. It is my understanding that when a person is labelled suppressive, they will receive a letter in the mail giving them a final warning and a list of ways that they can make amends and remain in good standing. In "The Martyr," he straight up says, "Don't tell me how to make amends." It sounds like maybe he got declared around the time of writing this album. It would line up considering around this time he didn't know if he could continue his band and figured out what he needed to do.

"I wil never lie awake again, dreaming I'm alone. I won't let the voices in my head drown the pain I've grown."

This sounds to me like a rejection of the teachings. The voices might refer to thetans, or spirits. They are taught that our bodies are composed of thousands of them and that these unrest souls are the reason for our pain and ailments. He sounds like he is denouncing this by not allowing these "voices" to diminish his personal growth which resulted from what they perceive as suffering.

I interpret this song as a way highlight the hypocrisy of this suppressive organization. In the track-by-track video, he mentions that this is the angriest song on the album, and it is very easy to see why. Being labeled suppressive by those who isolate, abuse and suppress him, well... It takes on to know one, right?

#submission #anonymous

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vowled · 4 years

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Sherlock and Asperger’s Syndrome

“ His powers of observation, memory and rational thinking, and deduction made him a master of his craft, but he was famously incapable of relating to people other than actors to be analyzed and explained.”

These three core characteristics have led to speculations that ACD had diagnosed him with what is known as Asperger’s Syndrome.

So, in case you’re unaware, here’s the description of Asperger’s Syndrome:

Here are the keywords:

inability effectively socialise and communicate

socially awkward

all-absorbing interest in specific topics

High-functioning autism

summed up, it refers to a High-functioning sociopath !!!

@tin-chen12 ,a friend who was kind enough to reply to my previous post, helpfully supplied the following: “Sherlock claims to be sociopathic, but it's only self-proclaimed. Sherlock isn't a so called "high functioning sociopath". "High functioning" is a term which is usually used for people in the autistic spectrum who are intelligent enough to adapt to the society and environment. Sherlock used the remark "High functioning sociopath” as a mask to scare people off of seeing the truth. Autistic people often speak this way to set themselves apart from others.” And indeed, in one interview, Steven Moffat did say something very similar. He spoke about how “Sherlock has never been a sociopath - it’s simply a shield that he uses to defend himself.” After all, it’s easier to deflect by saying that he’s a High-Functioning Sociopath instead of a High-Functioning Autist.

Originally posted by sherlock5countdown

and just like that, so many of Sherlock’s personality traits fall into place and are no longer so very eccentric! But wait! there’s more! It is actually canon !!

The Hounds of Baskerville, in my humble opinion, is a very comforting episode. However, it also is the episode which completely brings out Sherlock’s more....sociopathic side and exposes his Autistic tendencies:

wow this was pretty intense. And perhaps it is the most infamous of them all.

But here’s the cherry on top : in this episode, at 56:50 ,John says that familiar faces might help with his Asperger’s, thus making it canon!!!

brilliant!!!

Let’s look at Sherlock’s expressions after this!

HE’S BEEN OUTED!! Turns out Jawn is pretty clever!!

Now there might be some confusion and disagreement with this topic based on the fact that this condition couldn’t possibly have been deliberately inserted into this character. I mean, to do that, you’d have to clearly know what this condition entails from the start, right?! It wouldn’t be possible to just make it all up as you went along.... you’d have to know what you’re doing and show the symptoms from early on...So how exactly was Sherlock portrayed to be Autistic?

Here’s another sweet little fact (courtesy-my wonderful friend Supriti): Sherlock Holmes was based off an actual person, Dr. Joseph Bell, a medical practitioner and a friend of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. ACD himself was a medical man too, and apparently he was also very good at it. Dr. Bell diagnosed his patients’ illnesses as Sherlock deduces his cases. Himself and ACD were both brilliant doctors. So this is the thing I’m hinting at : It was entirely possible that ACD diagnosed his friend with Asperger’s syndrome. At his time of writing Sherlock Holmes he could do nothing more than simply describe its symptoms because ACD wrote SH before 1930s, while Asperger’s was discovered in 1944. So in a nutshell, Dr. Bell had undiagnosed Asperger’s.

Here’s a few descriptions that further prove the point:

Sherlock being rude and cold unintentionally because he doesn’t understand social protocol and has different body language and ways of expressing.

Sensory Overload - the reason he’s good at noticing details and observing things. He further further learns deduction to use it to his advantage.

Sherlock being able to selectively remember and recall info because he doesn’t think in words. This further supports why there’s never any internal monologue, always just words floating on the screen.

Struggling with cognitive empathy and understanding his own feelings

Hyperfocusing on a case and using it to his advantage- While people accuse him of being moody and just simply not wanting to talk, he’s actually hyperfocused.

Needing people to take care of him due to executive disfunction.

Not being able to deal with a change in routine after John leaves (*cough* *cough* drugs)

Using dramatic hand gestures to mask his stimming (Here’s a wonderful post that clearly demonstrates it) https://tmblr.co/ZEnJ9UZMVRk54W00

source:@dragonnan

and here’s a sad one : Sherlock valuing his intelligence and skill above all and neglecting emotions because he was praised for it as a child and didn’t learn to love anything else about himself.

Here, I rest my case ~

Thank you for reading this! I’m still learning how to write and present my theories, so I’m sorry if sometimes they appear not very systematic. I hope I’ve not been disrespectful or offensive to anyone who’s actually diagnosed with this condition. If I have (unintentionally) done so, please do tell me about it, I’ll surely make changes. Again, please do feel free to give me any feedback whatsoever. It really really cheers me up <3

#sherlock #bbc sherlock #acd sherlock holmes #autistic spectrum #asperger's syndrome #yes i'm obsessed #if you're reading the tags ily

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dappersheep · 3 years

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Food Fantasy: An Analysis on what killed a Golden Goose (3/3)

Ladies and gentlemen, we've arrived at our final destination.

Again before we start, we have our obligatory disclaimers. I do not own the game or its characters, nor do I claim to know the true history and likely fate of this game. I am entitled to the thoughts and opinions written within this post. Feel free to agree or disagree with the points being made.

This post also remains untagged from the main foofan tag. Only my followers will see this.

We are in the third and final stretch, and the checkpoint is past the cut.

Community

So... here we are, fellow Master Attendants.

As consumers of this piece of entertainment media, we are free to enjoy it however we wish. Appreciating what is there, creating something new from what exists, playing the game by the meta or however you want to play it (within your means and at your own risk of course). There's no one true and absolute way to experience the game.

However, just as you can enjoy something, doesn't mean you can't also point out flaws or shortcomings of the media in question. As an active veteran player, I've already pointed out the many gameplay design flaws already. And I'd be pretty dumb to say that Food Fantasy's writing is perfect. Hell, it has a lot of holes from a worldbuilding consistency standpoint.

And what of things from the community side? Yes, there will be times you'd see content you consider cringe, or something in fanon you don't agree with. Or there happens to be fan theories and fangirling posts you don't like the take of because of X or Y.

And that's fine. If we all happen to play the same way, like the same thing, agree on the same thing and produce the same thing, well, this would be one helluva boring community, wouldn't it?

But what if someone decides the way you're playing the game is wrong and harasses you over it? What happens if someone decides that their interpretation of the game's flavor text and lore is more important than what anyone else thought about it? What happens if someone decides that they're absolutely right, and you and everyone else who disagrees deserves to be bullied out of the fandom?

As much as I want to say we aren't part of the problem why the game is deteriorating, we are unfortunately, part of the reason why the game is as such even if most of the blame is directed towards Funtoy and Elex themselves.

⦁ Whale Authority. Whales will always be part of a gacha game's ecosystem. Without them, the game won't be able to maintain its upkeep costs, moreso for one that services global regions instead of just one. But when a game decides to cater its decisions of what features should be prioritized and when it should be launched around only its most elite paying players' voices -even if that influence has since tapered off-, you know there is something wrong with the publisher's management team and priorities.

⦁ Interguild drama. While I did not personally follow any of this, this has certainly been the peak of in-game tension back in the day. Poaching good players from both competitive and smaller guilds, guild mergers that often ended up making the annexed guild/s the equivalent of UK colonized India or Australia, suck-ups chummying up to guild leaders to keep a spot in an active, high ranking guild (for bragging rights!) despite never contributing much to overall damage, and just general dislike of certain players' attitudes. Actions like this have disillusioned many players about their playing experience and the reason why many eventually just lost the motivation to log into FooFan.

⦁ Cheaters. You know very well about the Hacker-teme I've mentioned before, but that was in context of Elex being incompetent with dealing with them. Here, I would like to point out the players who are desperate to dominate the playing field for whatever reason to the point that they would resort to cheating the ranks with forceful modifications of the APK. Whether it is to rank high in catacombs weekly, get a top spot in daily disaster damage, or weasel their way into the competitive whale ranks of a major ranking event, these are the people who have no qualms messing with the code to give themselves an easier time with the game. And if they're caught? Some pretend that they've made a mistake, some quickly sell the account to escape the blame, some others just scamper away into the dark and hide in the lower ranks where they can't be found. Others simply don't care and keep cheating until Elex decides to finally ban them... if Elex ever decides their rebates score isn't worth saving the account.

⦁ Ship wars. Ah yes, a staple of drama in any fandom. There doesn't need much explanation to this as we've all had our fair share of running into a battleground in whatever fandom we visit. Someone ships BB52 wholeheartedly? Nope, problematic 'age gaps'. Someone likes Napoleon with Pastel? Someone's bound to misinterpret their bios in order to justify that Napoleon was being abusive. Spaghetti and Borscht? Borscht is minor coded, ship her with Vodka instead. Whiskey and Pizza or Cassata? Cancelled! And I've never heard of the Foe Yay trope or pretend I don't know about it! Rarepairs? Disgusting! No fanon in my canon playground! Turkey and Eggnog? Gasp! How dare you, you pedo-shipper-even-though-you-never-said-you-shipped-them-romantically-but-that-isn't-my-point!

⦁ Character Obsession: Bias. On one hand, you love a character so much. Relate to a character so much. You have thus pulled this character into the folds of your bosom and coo at them like a mother dove and get so minutely triggered if someone so much as makes one disagreeable or joking comment about the character that you fly into an overreactive ballistic rage that would make a Canadian goose honk in fear. You don't care what they are in canon. You don't care about the possibility of mistranslation. What matters is the fanon space you carved out for them to exist in and that's all that matters. The problem with this is when this obsession takes over common sense and social etiquette and it steps into harassment territory. You begin to think: I'm the only one who 'understands' the character. I'm the only one who wishes better for the character, everyone else is out to defame them! Oh wait, you like them too? Do you like them the way *I* like them? No? Maybe if you're my 'friend', I'd let it slide. But to everyone else? No one else has the right to like them as much as I do. No one! Never mind that they're completely fictional- No one hurts my bias because in turn, they're hurting *me*!

⦁ Character Obsession: Anti. On the other hand, you hate a character so much. This character just makes you see so much red. Their smug little smirk just makes your blood boil. Their fictional backstory makes you recoil in disgust. You hate that someone else loves a character you hate so much. You cannot *believe* that someone could be so daringly stupid to like a problematic character. They must be problematic too then. They must be hiding real life secrets that are problematic! Yes, yes. That's right. That person's a supporter of abuse. That person's into pedophilia. That person is into military lolita fashion that Japan started the trend of but clearly Japan was part of the Axis Powers! And that... that person... that person... is a roleplayer and a yaoi fangirl properly interacting with minors and adults. How dare they...!

⦁ Fan Translations. Normally it wouldn't be a problem that a group or two or several are translating pieces of the game's lore ahead of the official. But with Elex's very delayed translations and extreme allergic reactions to translating Food Soul bios, people have become dependent on fan-translation groups to get their fix. The problem herein lies... is when the translators get drunk off the power that they are one of a handful in a small community who can magically transcribe the oriental moonrunes into English. The problem starts when the translator starts to have an inclination. The problem starts when the translator loses their professional detachment and start adding in details here and there into the fan translated product that ultimately changes the meaning and direction of the entire story. The problem is also escalated when that translator's embellished product is touted as the truth by their followers. If there was an upcoming character whose backstory is connected to a character they hated (either because of someone or they just don't like the character) and you were hoping to read the fan translation? How would you know that what you get isn't something doctored to the point it's basically fanfiction?

⦁ Social Justice Vigilantism. Sometimes someone does not have a character obsession or need it to be annoying. Sometimes, someone just wants to ring the alarm over something they find 'problematic' in order to police and sanitize the enjoyment of the media for 'everyone'. They no longer really take enjoyment out of a new Food Soul design being leaked, they no longer read the lore just to enjoy what it has to offer. Instead, they nitpick bits and pieces of the design and point it out repeatedly as a reason why the whole thing is bad. They point out bits of the story and inject their interpretations of it without really comprehending what they've read in full and react badly to it. What's worse is that they have no qualms publicly posting their reactions and eagerly and hungrily await those likes and echoes of agreement that they were right.

⦁ Circles of Influence. Everyone has a group they eventually gravitate to in a fandom. It comes with its own pros and cons. Sometimes you join a group because someone you admire is in there, sometimes you join a group because you just want to mingle and see more content. All valid reasons. Arguments can't be avoided in a group, it has to happen... But you have to take care. You have to take care to feel the change in the air of the group. When someone starts pushing people to agree with them. When your most admired people start to feel overly sensitive about certain characters or issues. When you start to feel obligated to spy on other groups outside of this one for 'nonbelievers', 'traitors' and 'heretics' who do not think the way this group does, and that bringing back bits and pieces of gossip as offerings would somehow make you more favored in the eyes of the inner clique or remain inside it. There is a gripping sense of annoyance when that person comes in to complain but you can't do anything about it but nod and agree. There is a pervading sense of fear and apprehension of overstepping an invisible boundary. There is fear that you might be next on the chopping block, after witnessing one of the others being ganged up on and thrown out without a second thought, their name spat upon like they're worth less than dirt. And so reluctant you are to give up what you have with them that when they push you to do something you are reluctant to do, all in the name of 'harmony and justice'... You do it. Even though it would mean offering yourself up to the mob with no salvation, and the stark realization that... [they] never cared about you as a friend.

And we've come to the end of this analysis trilogy. The writing got a little bit strange in this post, but honestly this is the best way I could put it. I'm aware things can and will be more complicated than the bullet points I've written but I'm just one person and I tried very hard to keep details of all the drama that happened in this fandom as vague as possible. Of course, that wouldn't work if you know what I am talking about.

The community is quiet now for the most part, the game is somewhere between limbo and the living plane. Things could be better for us, but I don't really count on it.

I wish I could leave a bit of a moral warning or something. But rather than do that, I just hope this was an entertaining read into one individual's eyes into Food Fantasy and everything that makes it up.

#ravings of a madman #food fantasy but not tagged right

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monsterqueers · 3 years

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New Essay Up

New essay up on the website!

props and credit to @shadowfae , whos panel on problematic sources at Othercon 2021 motivated and inspired me to write about morality differences.

Alignments - A Memory Dump Essay

Essay has also been transcribed under this readmore if thats easier to read for anyone.

Morality, in The Before, was different, in the sense that there were Allignments.

I am A Silver Dragon, from a slightly AU-ed Dungeons and Dragons world. Alignments there dictated whether you were good or evil, lawful or chaotic. You may have seen the grid around, the nine squares with things like ‘neutral good’ and ‘lawful evil’ on them. This is that.

When I say ‘good’ and ‘evil’ I mean a different concept than the behavior choices that fall into ‘doing harm’ and ‘helping people’. There were words differing between the two in dragonic, though I do not remember them now, for what I am talking about.

In this world, ‘good’, ‘evil’, ‘lawful’ and ‘chaotic’ - the dragonic forms of these words, were not behavior descriptors, nor intention descriptions. They were factions, and many species simply could not choose their born faction or change it very much if they could. These factions were generally due to god interference in the creation of that species, and it meant certain magics worked or did not work against/for them or they had traits that were often seen as harmful. The correct translation for ‘good’ and ‘evil’ is more accurately ‘darkness’ and ‘light’, though lawful and chaotic are close enough to ‘things that follow order’, and ‘things that reject order’.

These alignments said very little about the behavior they exhibited or the morals they had. The dragonic word for ‘evil’ as in how people here use it to mean ‘does harm to others’ could be retranslated as ‘being an asshole’. A person aligned lawful good could regularly commit tax fraud and beat their wife, and a person who was chaotic evil could be a pacifist who gardens and is passionate about healthcare reform.

For some of the littlefolk (the Polite translated dragonic word for humans and elves and the like), this was more flexible, and generally littlefolk would not consider those who did large amounts of harm to their in-group to be good aligned, nor people who had never done harm any worse than neutral, despite this not being the case magically speaking. It could make things rather confusing when talking to the layman, as much of the littlefolk could simply choose whatever faction they liked and often could jump ship whenever they liked too.

There were other various littlefolk somewhat limited in their alignment choice however- a Drow could not be ‘good’, and Aasimir could not be ‘evil’, for example. Usually this was split down the good and evil, rather than lawful and chaotic, as the ‘good’ and ‘evil’ deities held the most active sway.

Think of it like nationality, I suppose. Its the closest equivalent. Some people can't ever gain citizenship in a country other than their country of birth even if they want to, others can do so with a bit of work.

Dragons, however, didn’t have this sort of choice. All true dragons were born a specific alignment to do with their species, and inherent instincts to follow the tenants generally professed by that faction. This is one of the major traits that separated a True -also known as Greater- Dragon from other dragonic creatures, such as fairy dragons, wyverns, and rust dragons, actually. Other dragonic creatures had some wiggle room.

Chromatic dragons were all evil aligned, Gem dragons were all neutral aligned, and Metallic dragons were all good aligned. Planar dragons, while true dragons, were another matter and their alignments were to nothing on the scale as their origin points and commitments were beyond the gods of that my former plane’s influence. Lung dragons were a type of Planar dragon in my canon, instead of their own category.

The individual species of those groupings each had a assigned further spot. A Gold Dragon was ALWAYS Lawful Good, whether they are an abhorrent entity or not, and a White Dragon was always Chaotic Evil.

The individual species were as follows(* for ones that are AU to dnd 5e canon but are true to mine):

Chaotic Evil - Red, Black, Yellow, White

Neutral Evil - Brown, Purple*, Gray

Lawful Evil - Blue, Green

Chaotic Neutral - Topaz, Crystal

True Neutral - Amber, Amethyst, Obsidian*, Prismatic

Lawful Neutral - Emerald, Sapphire

Chaotic Good - Copper, Mercury*, Brass

Neutral Good - Silver*, Iron*

Lawful Good - Gold, Bronze, Platinum*, Steel

So I was and am a Silver Dragon. Bahumat created metallic dragons with the intention of combating His sister Tiamat, who created chromatic dragons in turn. The deities of Law and Chaos- neither touched my kind deeply. We could use all magic aligned with the light or neutral powers, and none of the dark. There was little magic that was specifically aligned with order and chaos, but all of that was accessible, provided the spell was not of the shadow. Things that repelled creatures of the light could keep me out.

The more ‘good’ creatures that existed in the world in relation to ‘evil’ ones brought more and less power to Bahumat and Tiamat in their eternal fight. So long as one ‘good’ or ‘evil’ creature existed, neither god could die and they were driven to wipe each other out. The same could be said of the law and chaos deities.

Of my life, the beginning is murky. Once I was grown enough to roam, I first Adventured with a elven rider companion and then lived upon a mountain lair until my death. Towards the middle and latter end, the towns at its base paid me rites and respect for my guardianship. These rites did technically elevate me to a minor god* capable of working greater magic. I also had a village much closer to and in my lair, one where I took those who asked my asylum who perhaps needed greater safety or guidance.

I would defend my territory and would help those who asked. It was a good life, and I hold little to no exotrauma from it.

*not to be confused with Greater gods, which are what effect Alignment or embody big concepts, minor gods are just those who are Believed in by enough people- and thus given power from that collective Belief

The divide between what was and what is is deeper and more shallow that one would expect, all at once.

I’ve started tentatively identifying as a walk-in relatively recently, my selfhood simply showed up one day and the original, whos interests, opinions, demeanor, and identity was different than mine disappeared shortly thereafter. The system has many theories on how exactly this happened, the origins thus such, and how much of the original’s ego was made into me, and also exactly when. The transition was rather seamless and there was much brain weirdness to muddle it all and convince me that I have always been here. None of us know the answer, and it generally doesn’t matter in practice.

The experiences of the original that I inherited gave a large amount of distance to this life. For reference, I Awakened as a Silver Dragon ~2014 perhaps 2015 -time is muddy- or so- having finally put together all the noema and shifts and assorted feelings that were not my cat theriotype into what they were. I had been in the body for a good handful of years previous to that, however. It gives me a distance from that life. My memories and retained selfhood from that life are dull- a botched reincarnation. I remember just enough- I experience just enough bleedover that it upholds a pillar of my identity and I still identify as the being of that life, but not so much I am exactly as-is.

I want to do a little disclaimer- The statement that this definitively IS a past life and I AM a walk in and these ARE memories of a past life is a theory, not fact. I do not and cannot know if my theory is right, and I have a healthy dose of skepticism in regards to this. My experiences could be sourced to many things, however I experience my draconity in a fashion that is similar to how others describe their past life experiences. It fits accounts better than the accounts of people who are not past-life otherkin. It feels right to describe these experiences as such, and so I do. Perhaps one day my understanding of this may change, but for now it is as such.

Returning to the topic at hand; its a point of frustration to me almost to the point of dysphoria, how good and evil, and moral and immoral are used in society here and how. Good and evil denote both the ingroup-outgroup AND the moral standard, equating sinful with strange with harmful behavior. Evil no longer means ‘entity supporting or created by Tiamat’- who is night and shadow. Good no longer means ‘entity supporting or created by Bahumat’- who is day and light.

The congruence of good with helping and evil with harming is far more intense here, Bahumat and Tiamat as I know them hold no power here- as they shouldn’t. Their place was in my old reality and that is as far as those entities reach. The assignment of moral values to enjoyment of a thing or thoughts, rather than actions is wholly new, and honestly quite unpleasant.

Evil here, becomes ‘entity that enjoys harming’ and often ‘anyone I don’t like’

Good here them also becomes ‘entity that enjoys helping’ and often ‘anyone I do like’

There will be people who insist to ignore people that do that last part and claim that it doesn’t matter- that the social realities of how others assign you do not matter, but I disagree.

Being queer, kinky, mentally ill, neurodivergent, disabled, and a strong leftist among other things means people will think me evil for existing quite a bit. Stigmatized minorities are othered, our traits become evil no matter how kind we may be.

Society calls us evil, has designated us evil- alright, how is this a bad thing?

Disassociating Evil from moral allows one to reclaim Evil. Ok, we are Evil now, but oh, no less kind. No less caring. Take the words slung at you and make armor out of them.

And also no matter how kind you may be, by this metric if you enjoy causing pain and destruction, you are evil.

This… is a thoughtcrime thing. No matter how you conduct yourself in life, if you enjoy pain you are evil to society at large. So as above, unlink Evil from Moral, and it is reclaimable.

How people assign you is a material reality you can choose to make hold no power over you. You can make it your own scales.

It is for the reason of words changing meanings, of the fact that my god I was born to does not reach here and thus frees me from obligations, that I no longer identify as Neutral Good. It simply does not mean the same thing anymore and I can now choose my alignment besides. Bahumat was no terrible god to serve or anything, but I would have appreciated the choice if it was not hardwired into my dragon brain at the time to be devoted to such a being.

I take joy in harm and at the same time take joy in helping, I think the absence of care of society is not something I can do, nor do I think rigid obedience is right.

Thus I would consider myself in the alignments of this world today as True Neutral.

Not to mention I have chosen the service of a True Neutral god in Cernunnos, so by my former world’s standards I am True Neutral now as well.

It feels right, to identify as such now. Society considers me evil enough I am too sin-stained to be good, but I have too much love of creation and helping to be wholly evil.

I believe that rules are necessary or we get Situations that cause harm to others, but at the same time am too Anarchist-leaning to not chafe under absolute order.

Still, the... Dissatisfaction with how people use alignments here persists.

#otherkin #fictionkin #alterhuman #nonhumanity #dragonkin #alterhuman stuff #oh no not me writing stuff to procrastinate on writing other stuff #wayward rambling

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obeyme-kaidii · 4 years

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Obey Me Tips

General Obey Me Gameplay Advice

I really love Obey Me. Really really really love it. I love the characters and the stories, and I really love the fan content that’s been created for it. I’ve never been involved in a fandom before, but I have to say it’s pretty amazing finding like minded people to interact and share these things with. I’m not brave enough to write fanfic, but I can give game play advice and do math, so that’s why I write these guides.☺️

My advice here is either from personal experience or because I did the research and the math so I could figure out the answer. I’ll always have proof to back up my assertions, if you’d like to see for yourself if my theories hold water. (I’ve even started a free account on my iPad just so I can thoroughly test all my recommendations from the perspective of a non-paid player.)

Please keep in mind that my advice is geared towards players that view finishing the normal mode lessons/main story as their priority. You may prefer to collect outfits or bloom all your favorite cards, and that’s quite alright too.

So without any further ado, here are my general gameplay tips and advice.

An ideal team consists of 3 Demon cards and 3 Memory cards per type.

But a team with only 2 Demon cards and 2 Memory cards per type is also viable for the normal mode lessons at this stage in the game (up to lesson 40).

This is because of the 2.6x type boost for primary types and 1.9x type boost for secondary types per level. The boost only applies to the cards that match the types on that level - so on a level with Envy as its primary type, the Envy stat on your Envy cards will receive the 2.6x boost.

So while that 2.6x boost is pretty awesome, the 1.9x boost is nothing to scoff at either. And if you have 2 Demon and 2 Memory cards of each type, then you can guarantee that all of your cards will receive some sort of boost on all the new levels.

For the first season of levels (lessons 1 - 20), you can get by with just a single team of 3 Demon cards and 3 Memory cards because the type boost for those levels works differently and applies to all cards, not just the ones that match the types for the level.

(And don’t forget you can only use 1 Demon card per brother on a single team. So if you have two Greed cards, but they are both Mammon, you’ll only be able to use one Mammon at a time. Don’t waste your time powering up both of them.)

Powering your cards up evenly is the best way to advance in the game.

I don’t know how it got started, but at some point everyone became convinced that the best way to advance was to work on a single card at a time. And that’s simply not true. In fact, it’s pretty bad advice if I’m being honest.

Things get more expensive as your cards get stronger and you get less strength for the effort. When you level your cards evenly you’re able to get more strength combined for the amount of Grimm you spend.

(If you’d like to see the math on this, I have a whole 4 part series that breaks it down bit by bit packed with examples.)

This advice applies to stars too. Bring all your cards for your teams to 1 star, then 2 stars etc. Sometimes you’ll already have the mats on hand to unlock more stars on cards of certain types, and that’s totally cool and fine to do. But when you are short on mats and trying to figure out what to work towards next, remember to strengthen your weaker cards first.

Use Grimm to level up your cards.

You do receive a small portion of experience in battles that will help your cards gain levels. But because of the mechanics of the battles and how long they take, I really don’t recommend grinding them for experience to save a few Grimm.

Maybe if you had a ton of free time and nothing better to do, I guess? But it’s just not worth the trouble to me. I think it would be a better use of your time to use the “x3” or “x5” button and just get it over with, and then go read some smutty fanfics, where you get pounded by the demon(s) of your choice. 🙃

It is worth mentioning though that the addition of the “SKIP” feature for battles where you overpower your opponent by a large margin makes it much easier to earn experience through battles, but you’ll still occasionally be given a Surprise Guest to entertain. It’s up to you to decide if that delay is worth the experience.

Stars are overrated.

I already mentioned how for most of the game my cards only had 3 stars. And that’s because the amount of time and effort you have to spend to farm hard mode materials in pretty crazy. It’s just not worth the effort to get hung up on them. You’ll quickly find yourself struggling to advance if you get distracted by the stars.

You’re better off doing events to get new cards and waiting for Levi’s Otaku Bootcamp to roll around, and doing the hard mode battles then. And if you just absolutely have to have some hard mode mats - buy the extra levels from the current event so at least you can get extra event points (and thus more rewards).

Only spend your Demon Vouchers in sets of 10.

That guarantee of getting 1 SSR card is pretty gosh darn important especially for free players that don’t have DV to waste. I know it’s tempting to spend them as you earn them, but try to resist the temptation. My biggest regret is that I didn’t spend my DV more wisely when I first started.

Don’t waste your DV on Chapter A.

Besides the UR cards, all of the cards in Chapter A can be won in the event Nightmares. So unless you really really want one of the OG Demon UR cards (which I admit, they are all pretty awesome), don’t do it. And if there is a specific UR card you want, you should try to wait until the birthday event for that demon for a better chance at getting that specific UR card (assuming they continue the pattern of releasing birthday Nightmares for all the brothers).

Invest in Chapter M when you get the chance (be sure to use 10 DV at a time).

This is important to free players especially because it’s the best way to get Memory cards. Odds are you won’t be able to get enough points for the new events to win the SSR or UR Memory cards so you’ll have to get them somewhere.

(Replaying the old events in Lonely Devil is also another good option because the rewards were much cheaper and easier to acquire than they are now.)

Don’t neglect your Memory cards.

I really cannot emphasize this enough. I know they give less strength than the Demon cards, but they are still really important in terms of not only strength, but also their special skills that can boost your strength during a dance battle (or hinder your opponent).

Glow sticks are amazing.

I love glow sticks. I always try to use the type specific glow sticks first, and save my rainbow glow sticks for when the type specific ones aren’t enough. And if you’re a free player, the rainbow ones are arguably the best way to spend your Raven.

But please don’t waste your glow sticks. If you can’t beat a level after 1 shot, take a break and look at how you can strengthen your team before trying again. You’ll be surprised at how much easier it’ll be to advance if you just add 5 levels to a card on your team whenever you get stuck.

Rainbow glow sticks - grant you a 30% boost to the Strength of the card you equip it to

Single color glow sticks - grant you a 10% boost to the Strength of the card you equip it to

If you are 10,000 strength stronger than your opponent, you have a really good chance of winning with 2 stars.

If you go for 20,000 - 30,000 strength over your opponent, it’s pretty much a guarantee at getting 3 stars.

There are exceptions to this where special skills come into play (especially in boss battles), but this has been my experience when advancing through the normal levels.

If a level is giving you trouble, try to counter the opponent’s special skills.

This was especially important for the boss battle with Diavolo at the end of Lesson 40. His combination of skills was absolutely brutal.

My original recommended team was over 50,000S above Diavolo’s S and I barely filled the bar halfway. But when I switched to a team that focused on countering all of his skills, I was able to win with a considerably weaker team.

(Yep, you’re reading that right. Beel was only level 10.)

The cards with the Abilities that can counter these skills are found in the new event Nightmares. Both the UR cards and the SSR card will have whatever the featured Ability is. The SSR cards will simply neutralize the opponent’s skill when it’s activated, but the UR cards “reflect” the skill back to your opponent so that they are cursed instead.

Only buy DV from the 99 DP offers that are available when you level up.

Or during special sales like Solomon’s Summoning Sale. Or specific packages in Mammon’s Rip-off Sale.

Sometimes you’ll need to spend some DP because you have no DV left and really want a chance at a specific card, but try to avoid doing so as much as possible. Your DV and DP will go further and last longer if you save and spend it wisely. This is especially important for free players who have to balance card collecting with building stronger teams.

Whenever you have Grimm to spare, dump it into Chapter G.

This will be your primary way to earn Raven. And Raven is a great way to buy rainbow glow sticks, additional Demon Vouchers, and now even card pieces for certain SSR and UR cards.

They also have the outfits for all the brothers demon forms which are pretty neat. I do own them all, but that’s not exactly necessary and definitely not the best use of Raven. 😂

If you need friends for the daily AP, just add all the top players from the current event.

The top players are the ones most likely to be active, and know how to use the feature to add friends. (Let’s not talk about how long it took me to figure that out when I first started playing, ok? Lol) So they’ll be the ones most likely to accept your friend request and send you AP daily.

On my free account, I just started at rank 1 and sent requests to everyone down to about rank 200 or so until I had 50 friends. And then whenever I had some new spots open up, I’d do the same thing again. I’d also check my Friends Request section to see if I had any new requests from other active players.

Oh, and I periodically remove friends that haven’t played in over 2 weeks. No sense in keeping them on my friends list when there are plenty of new people and active players who could use the free AP and send me some as well.

That’s all I’ve got for now! I hope these tips help you out some if you ever find yourself stuck and uncertain as what to do next. ❤️

#obey me #obey me tips #obey me advice from kaidii #obey me strategy #obey me guide

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broadstbroskis · 4 years

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dress | mat barzal

this was a request that just took me forever to write! hope you enjoy!

-----

“Hey, YN!” Your heart flutters as you recognize the voice calling after you as you walk out of the gym and you resist the urge to groan as you turn in search of it. Of course, Mat would find you after a hard class at the gym, where the trainer had kicked your ass. Of course, it’d be the day you’d dressed in baggy sweats and a t-shirt instead of cute leggings and a fitted tank top. When your hair was piled into a messy bun on top of your head instead of a nice ponytail.

Life was so much easier back when he was just the guy who lived in your neighbor’s basement. But nooo. You had to go and become best friends and fall in unrequited love with the guy.

“Hey Mat,” He’s grinning as he jogs to catch up to you and you can’t help but laugh at the exasperated look on Tito’s face behind him.

“She knows we’re here!” Tito calls, making no effort to speed up and meet you across the parking lot. “It’s not like she’ll just leave.”

Mat stops in front of you and his grin is contagious, so you smile up at him. “Good workout?”

You nod, trying not to blush as he looks at you. “I thought you guys were travelling today?”

“Nah, tomorrow.” Mat grins.

“Ah.” You grin. “So this was a post-practice smoothie run?”

“Just what are you accusing us of?” Tito sniffs, finally catching up.

“I would never!” You laugh.

“Not if you want this strawberry banana blast we brought you, you wouldn’t.” Mat offers the cup in his hands out to you, and it’s only then that you realize it’s a full smoothie.

Your eyes light up and you reach for it. “How’d you even know I was here?”

Tito coughs abruptly and you look at him strangely before looking back at Mat, who’s rubbing his neck and shrugging. “Saw your car. Figured we might catch you coming out.”

You grin. “Well thank you very much!”

Mat rubs his neck again. “We were already there; it was no trouble.” Tito coughs again.

You frown over at him. “Are you okay?”

“He’s fine.” Mat says hastily. “Right?”

“Right.” Tito clears his throat. “So, YN, we’re going to see you on Saturday, right?”

Saturday. Right. You’d forgotten that you’d agreed to be both of their dates to the Islanders WAGS for Wags dinner to benefit local dog shelters. But really, there hadn’t been much to say no to- as soon as they’d mentioned that there would be puppies, you were in.

“Of course!” You grin, nodding. “There’ll be dogs there!”

“Is that all it takes to get you to go places? Dogs?” Mat asks.

You nod enthusiastically. “Speaking of, I’ve actually got to get back to my parents’ and let mine out. But I’ll catch you guys Saturday?” And then, without waiting for an answer, you turn to start making your way to your car, just barely catching a glimpse of Tito patting Mat’s shoulder.

But you don’t have time to ponder the strange gesture. You’ve got pups to get home to and then homework to do. And a dress to buy for an event you forgot about.

-----

“Hello!” Lauren Eberle waggles her eyebrows at you as you try to sneak past her at the entrance.

“Hi.” You huff, resigning yourself to stopping. She’s been a confidant to you, a friend, someone you’ve been to for advice for a while now and as you approach her, she’s got the biggest grin on her face. “What?”

“What do you mean, what?” She huffs right back. “I want to see which of the fifty dresses you asked me about you finally decided on!”

“It wasn’t that many.” You grumble, but you hand your coat off to coat check beside the two of you.

When the grin on Lauren’s face looks too good to be true, you bite your lip. “Is it too much?”

“I think it’s perfect!” She responds, reaching out for the navy blue velvet and rubbing her fingers along the smooth fabric. “You look beautiful!” You blush, looking down at the dress. It’d been the last one you’d tried, unsure about almost everything about it- the thin straps, the deep v neckline, the low back, the slit coming up the leg that made the knee length dress feel even sexier. “Mat’s not going to know what hit him.”

Well, you hope.

Whatever the look on your face is, Lauren grins and grabs your hand. “So come on; let’s go show him.”

Once inside, you can see the event is bustling, with both humans and dogs, but your eyes are instantly drawn to Mat. His back is to you, talking with Tito, Jordan, and Jean-Gabriel, and you just...you can’t look away. He’s not even looking at you and you can’t bring yourself to look away from how his stupid shoulders are filling out his stupid suit.

At least, you can’t until you hear Lauren snickering next to you. “Wow.”

“Stop!” You whine, clutching at her arm. “He’s not even going to notice.”

“No?” Lauren takes the opportunity of you grabbing her arm to start pulling you towards the boys, a commotion that catches the attention of Tito. His eyes flicker to you immediately, sparkling as they meet yours for a moment, and then he starts repeatedly poking Mat. You watch as Mat swats him away, for interrupting whatever conversation he’s having with Jordan and J-G, before finally turning his attention over, and then, subsequently, around toward you.

And then, he beams.

His whole face lights up like a fucking beacon; it’s warm and inviting, the smile you love to see more than anything else, really. You can feel yourself drawn to it, starting to walk over there, pulling Lauren even, before she even starts tugging you along.

Mat’s tugging you away from Lauren the second you’re within arm’s length and you tumble into him, relishing the feeling of his hug. “Finally!”

This is not the reaction you were expecting! “What?” You laugh. “What do you mean?”

“Just been waiting here all night for you.” He teases. “No big deal.”

“I’m like twenty minutes late.” Barely.

“That was twenty minutes you weren’t here to talk to!” Mat grins, nudging your side, and Tito coughs, that same cough from the other day.

You frown, ignoring Mat for a second. “You should really get that cough checked out, Tito.”

“You know what?” He says flatly, starting Mat down. “I think I will, YN. Thanks for looking out.” Tito turns abruptly, practically storming away from you all, and you watch him leave, dumfounded.

“What...what is his problem?”

“Who knows?” Mat dismisses, but Lauren and Jordan are fighting back laughter that has you second guessing him until he quickly changes the subject. “Hey, look.”

Your eyes light up as you spy a boxer puppy and Mat laughs as you let out a soft squeal. “Look how cute!”

“There’s like a zero percent chance you don’t go home with one of these tonight, isn’t there?” Mat grins down at you, smiling so softly and looking so much like what you want that you have to look away.

“It’s getting lower and lower.” You admit, looking at all the adorable dogs around you.

“Maybe you could take her home tonight to make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid.” Jordan suggests to Mat and goddamn Lauren, you weren’t supposed to say anything!

Jordan and Lauren both have huge grins on their faces, those bitches, and J-G is looking between the four of you and you can see the comprehension draw over his face, so if you can see him start to put the pieces together, you don’t even want to look over at Mat. Instead you paste a grin on your face. “I think Tito’s got the right idea over there at the bar. I’ll go risk catching whatever he’s got over there.”

“Good idea.” Mat says and as he gently wraps his arm around your waist, you catch him shooting daggers toward Jordan.

At the bar, Tito seems to be over whatever weird beef he’s got with Mat right now (you can’t be certain but you’ve got theories that it involves a dinner and a restaurant recommendation from the last roadie) and is instead choosing to act as weird as fucking possible the entire time you’re standing at the bar? Constantly looking over at Mat, making weird “mmhmm,” noises at things either of you say.

You're honestly grateful for dinner to be served, for someone to come and usher the three of you to the table. Because even though you’re still stuck in between the two of them, there’ll be other people to make Tito stop doing whatever the fuck he’s doing.

It’s not so much the people that make him stop as it is the food. Tito’s a sucker for a good meal, snapping pics to post on his secret foodie insta account. You make an impassioned argument for the bacon-wrapped scallops, that has everyone laughing, and Tito reluctantly agreeing that they’re worthy of posting.

On your other side, Mat’s making a well-planned argument for why his whiskey sour should be included on Tito’s account. The basis of the argument revolves around the fact that lemon juice comes from lemons-a food-and should thus be considered. Tito’s vehemently denying him. And you’re cracking up as Mat gets more and more passionate about it.

Tito finally gets so annoyed at Mat that he just up and leaves, grumbling something about trying to get the inside scoop on dessert and you’re still laughing as you turn more towards Mat. “You should laugh more often.”

“I laugh all the time!” It’s said through the laugh. Jesus, you laugh at anything. Literally. If you laughed more often, you’d never stop!

Mat lets out this odd little laugh and next to him, Jordan seems to have caught the cough that Tito’s got, which reminds you to make a mental note to take some Emergen-C when you get home tonight. “I mean, she does!” He says, shrugging.

“Some best friend you are!” You tease. “Not even noticing!”

Mat laughs, but it doesn’t sound like his usual one, and then he stands. “I’m going to hit the bar for a bit. Anyone want anything?” And then he’s gone before any of you can even call answers back to him.

You frown. “Okay, what is going on here?”

“Can we just-” Jordan starts.

“Nope.” Lauren shakes her head. “We can’t.”

“You guys!” You protest. “What?”

“I can’t deal with this for much longer.” Jordan shakes his head. “I’m going to fucking lose it.”

Lauren laughs and looks over at you. “Do you really think you’ll have to?”

You pout, looking over at the two of them. “Well fine, if you two won’t tell me, then I’ll just go somewhere else.”

They both grin cheekily at you. “Sad.” Jordan says.

“So tragic.” Lauren grins.

“Rude.” You tell the two of them, standing up and walking off, trying to feign as much anger as you can manage. From their laughter behind you, it’s not much.

After a short stop to pet the fluffiest dog you’ve ever seen, you realize you left your drink behind at the table with Lauren and Jordan and, well, you’re not totally in the mood to deal with their cryptic shit right now, so you head over to the bar instead.

In hindsight, their weirdness would have been better. Mat’s standing by the bar, looking as incredible as he has all night, but right next to him is the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen. Her blonde hair falls in perfect curls over her slim shoulders, falling just to the top of her strapless red dress that fits like it was designed for her-it hits every curve perfectly, draws attention to every asset she’s got in the best way, and there were plenty of them. She’s laughing at whatever Mat’s just said and he’s smiling back and...and...

And suddenly, you can’t breathe.

What the hell were you thinking you could walk in here dressed up and Mat would finally take notice of you? What would make tonight any different than the hundred other nights he’s seen you- dressed up or down or in whatever.

An arm comes up around your shoulders and Tito’s familiar smell overcomes you. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” You sniffle, trying to fight back the unexpected wave of tears that’s pushing up. “Fine. Why wouldn’t I be?’

Tito gives you a look that tells you everything you need to know, but he doesn’t push. Just squeezes your shoulders and then asks if you want him to go grab you a drink.

“No thanks,” You pull out a smile, even as it hurts just to do so. “I think I’m going to head out.”

Tito purses his lips, but nods, leaning over to press a kiss to your cheek. “Alright. Will you text me when you get home then please?” After promising that you would, you started pushing your way through the crowd, a little more forcefully as you get closer and closer to the door.

By the time you make it to coat check, the tears are welling in your eyes and it’s almost impossible to keep them back. It’s a fairly short wait for your uber and you tip for your coat as you confirm your ride, willing to wait outside in the cold just to avoid anyone seeing you cry.

Which, of course, is too much to ask for. “Where are you going?” Mat’s voice sounds confused, as he calls out from somewhere behind you.

It’s honestly un-fucking-believable how this guy always manages to find you when you’re looking your worst. But at this point? Whatever!

You whirl around, finding him much closer than you’d expected, but you try not to let that throw you off, even as just the sight of him threatens to bring a fresh wave of tears. “I’m going home, Mat!”

“But-” He looks utterly lost, staring down at you, eyes wide. “But why?”

The noise that escapes you following that is some weird combination of a laugh and a sob and it merely serves to deepen the frown on Mat’s face as he steps closer to you. “Why, Mat? I don’t know. Because I had this crazy idea that maybe tonight might finally be the night you notice that I’m fucking in love with you.” Mat looks like he’s just been punched, which, yep, that’s just the icing on the cake you needed for this night, but might was well keep going at this point.

“And I bought this stupid dress, thinking that might actually help! As if you’ve ever noticed before, like this-”

“I notice you all the time.” Mat cuts you off, voice so quiet you almost don’t hear him.

“-is the-” You stop abruptly, as his words sink in. “You-you what?”

“Jesus, YN, I don’t notice anything but you!” You freeze at Mat’s words, jaw dropped, tears stopped, literally unable to move. “I can’t look away! Anytime you walk into a room, I look over. When I walk in? You’re the first person I look for. Tito? Does not have a cough! He’s just tired of me talking about you and looking for you and wanting to be around you all the fucking time but being too scared to lose you to do anything about it!” You’re surprised to realize Mat’s right next to you, eyes darkening as he looks at you, breathing heavily as he speaks. It’s hard to breath with him this close. “And this dress?” He pauses, reaching out for you. Jacket still open, his hand slides easily over the velvet fabric of your dress to rest on your hip, where...it just stays.

The long moment you two just stand there is charged. The heat of his palm feels like it’s burning and yet it’s still not nearly enough touch. He’s still breathing pretty heavily, but then, you’re pretty sure you are too. And then, just when you think he’s going to continue-

Your uber arrives.

It’s gut-wrenching to step away from him. But Mat follows you immediately. “Mat.” You plead, looking over your shoulder. The last thing you want to do is walk away from him, but your driver is looking impatient, like he’s going to leave any second and hit you with some fees.

“This dress.” He repeats. “Has been driving me crazy all night. You have been driving me crazy all night. And I’ll let you leave if you want to, but I’m really tired of pretending to just be friends with you too when I’ve been falling in love with you since the minute we met.”

How you find the breath to even speak after that is a miracle, but somehow it comes. “Do you want to get out of here?”

“And go?” Mat hesitates, like he’s somehow unsure of the answer after everything he’s just said.

“I don’t care.” You say honestly. “As long as it’s somewhere with you.”

#mat barzal imagine #mat barzal fan fic #nhl fanfiction #hockey imagines #nhl imagines #hockey fanfiction #hockey fanfic #my hockey fics #hockey and tswift prompts

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nellie-elizabeth · 4 years

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Queliot Fic Recs - Master Post (March 11, 2020)

Hi everyone! I’ve been meaning to do this for a while, but now that we’re staring down the barrel of the show’s official ending, I thought I’d finally take the time to post a master fic rec list!

A couple of notes:

This is by no means comprehensive; I’m sure I’m forgetting several lovely fics, and will be updating this list as I remember/find more.

This list will not include WIPs (the only exception being where I rec a completed story that is part of a series, and mention that sequel(s) are still in progress). I will add the WIPs I’m reading once they are complete!

I am open to suggestions from others, so please reblog and add your own recommendations! I would love to add to this and make it a one-stop-shop resource for people looking for something new to read.

When I know the tumblr handle of the author, I have included it. But in several cases I don’t know the author’s tumblr, if they have one - if you have this information to fill in, please let me know and I will update the master post. (Also, if you notice any broken links or mistakes - I did my best, but this thing is hefty and I’m sure there are errors!)

This took me… forever to put together, so if you find it useful, please reblog - and more importantly, please leave comments & kudos on the stories you read!

Link to the Google Doc, if that’s easier for you to read.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1sIUMZcIcpnZ1_9T3o7dkqUaqEw0miwNTfTuZjvjGto4/edit?usp=sharing

Hefty rec list under the cut.

Season Three Gapfillers/Deviations from Canon

These stories usually deal with the aftermath of the mosaic in some way. Many of them were written before the revelations of 4x05, but some were written later, and either comply with canon, or deviate from it from that point.

shipping it by Mizzy (@mizzy2k). Mature. 16,344 words. The Muntjac “ships” Queliot and is trying to help them along. What else can I say? There’s angst, there’s love, it’s silly and it’s sincere.

Sense Memories by mtothedestiel (@summersteve). Explicit. 2,616 words. This is an ABO fic, which is not something I would typically read. But I love this author so much that I decided to give it a try. The thing I like about it is the idea of the mosaic timeline leaving a tangible, physical impact on Quentin and Eliot, and how they might deal with the fallout in this more extreme scenario. If ABO isn’t for you, though, proceed with caution.

throw your shadow over me by peacefrog (@lizardkingeliot). Explicit. 8,187 words. Okay I’m going to recommend basically everything peacefrog has written, but this one is probably my favorite. It’s a super angst-y sex scene between Quentin and Eliot during season three, where Eliot believes this is his last chance to be with Quentin, and is basically dreading the emotional fallout even while it’s happening.

i start spinning (slipping out of time) by peacefrog (@lizardkingeliot). Teen. 2,570 words. Before Eliot goes to Margo to discuss the god-killing bullet, he and Quentin have a conversation about Quentin’s choice to stay at Blackspire. Features a heartbreaking memory of their life together at the mosaic, and just generally gorgeous canon-compliant angst.

Promises by Rizandace (@Nellie-Elizabeth). Explicit. 7,751 words. Eliot and Quentin have it out about Quentin’s decision to stay in Blackspire, and hash out their feelings for each other. This one is canon-divergent (and is probably the one-shot I am the most proud of!)

Overthinking It by Rizandace (@Nellie-Elizabeth). Teen. 3,581 words. Eliot finds out about the abyss key, and it prompts a discussion about Quentin and Eliot’s relationship.

Honey You’re On Fire, Let Me Help by sirfoxheart (@sirfoxheart). Explicit. 5,857 words. Quentin accidentally picks up the abyss key… Eliot finds him and does what he can to distract him. This is hot, of course, but also so desperately full of feeling and love. As the summary implies, there is a good deal of depression and talk of suicide in this story, so take care.

Can’t Let Go by sirfoxheart (@sirfoxheart). Explicit. 5,384 words. UGH. This is what SHOULD have happened after Eliot and Quentin remember the mosaic time-line. This is so satisfying and gave me some catharsis in the aftermath of the direction the story has taken in canon.

~~~~~

Post-Season Four Fix-Its

These stories maintain the canon of season four, and continue on from there. They generally involve bringing Quentin back from the dead.

What Matter Where by achray. Explicit. 28,782 words. Eliot becomes Prince Consort of the Underworld. He gets to be with Q when he’s back home, though. This is almost tough to read, because my brain doesn’t want to accept any half-happy endings, any reality where Eliot can’t spend all of his time by Quentin’s side. But on the other hand… Eliot has to make a big, big sacrifice to bring Quentin back, and you definitely feel the gravitas of that.

life ain’t fair (so i guess we’d better cheat) by micksgotkicks (@lovelyquentin). Teen. 1,137 words. This is more of a pre-fix-it. Eliot rages against the heavens for taking Quentin from him, and resolves to get him back. Short and painful. Cathartic.

Being Alive by miss_whimsy (@bambiesque). Gen. 7,022 words. Eliot sends the letter to Quentin with the magical stamp. And when that doesn’t work, he sends a bunch more. This is one of the very few fics on this list that has any connection to season five canon, which I’m not watching. I did watch 5x03, however, and this fic is borne out of Eliot Waugh never giving up - the way we all know it should have gone.

What kind of man (loves like this)? by destielpasta (@queliotpasta). Explicit. 3,160 words. Eliot and Quentin go out dancing. This fic has a certain quality about it that’s difficult to describe - I could just really feel their love for each other jump off the page, specifically in how badly they clearly want to care for each other. This fic also straddles the line between categories - the author describes it as a “fix-it” and it does deal with Quentin’s resurrection in a more immediate way, but the subject matter itself is much more about the aftermath, rather than the actual “bringing Q back from the dead” part.

You’re a Story (I Can Follow) by Page161of180. Mature. 19,695 words. I think everyone’s read this, but how could I not include it? This technically isn’t a fix-it, because it was written before the season four finale confirmed the theory of Quentin’s death. This author, like the collective fandom, assumed that death would be temporary… and thus, this is the story of Eliot being the Orpheus to Quentin’s Eurydice. It is stunning - a gold standard in writing intense grief with a happy ending. Eliot is undone by Quentin’s death here, and has to fight through obstacle after obstacle to get him back - the biggest one being, his own lack of self-worth. There’s also a somewhat-connected sequel/prequel called And Remember What You Were Before (Not Rated, 6,998 words), which is completely worth the read.

(like a perfect picture) in a broken frame by PanBoleyn (@eidetictelekinetic). Not Rated. 20,631 words. Another resurrection/fix-it fic… Really great group dynamics as everyone works on bringing Quentin back, but also a focus on Eliot’s despair. Kind of your standard fix-it, exactly what the characters should have tried to do, in a world where canon hadn’t betrayed us so badly.

life fades (but you remain) by peacefrog (@lizardkingeliot). Explicit. 62,735. Stunning. STUNNING. Eliot finds a way to get Quentin back, but it comes at a cost. The two of them have to work it out. This features some incredibly good angst with a happy ending, scorching sex, a really intriguing OC in an early chapter, and some nice screen-time for the lovely Alice Quinn, to boot.

as it was by peacefrog (@lizardkingeliot). Mature. 3,913 words. Short and sweet - Penny-40 leads Quentin to where he needs to go, and that’s back home to Eliot.

In the Woods Somewhere by pineapplecrushface (@pineapplecrushface). Explicit. 15,528 words. This is the most creative take on a fix-it I’ve seen! The summary outlines the premise best: “Alice being unable to wipe younger Quentin's memory during the timeshare spell had a ripple effect.” Eliot is so desperate for Quentin in this one, and Quentin, from the afterlife, is having to work out how he feels and where he wants to be.

In Which We Grieve by portraitofemmy (@portraitofemmy). Teen. 3,413 words. I hesitate to call this a “fix-it” really, since Quentin doesn’t come back to life. But despite that, he and Eliot make it work. This is sad, but cathartic too.

(this is not a) Temporary Love by rizcriz (@sadlittlenerdking). Teen. 20,684 words. A fix-it that includes some intense mosaic feels too, as Margo and Eliot read over some letters/notes written during the mosaic timeline. I also like this one for how the rest of the gang finally notices how sick and worn-down Quentin is, and forces Q and Eliot to take a mental health vacation once Quentin is back in the land of the living!

~~~~~

Post-Season Four/Post-Possession - Not Fix-Its

These stories take place after the events of season four, or, in some cases, after an imagined ending of season four (written before the series finale aired), ignoring season five canon. They are not fix-its in the sense that either a) they ignore Quentin’s death in canon and proceed like it never happened, or b) Quentin’s resurrection happened “off-screen” and is not the focus of the story. These fics often deal with the aftermath, both physical and psychological, of Eliot’s possession. They also usually deal with Quentin and Eliot’s reconciliation after the events of seasons three and four, and sometimes continue through their time as an established couple.

your body (your heart) in his hands by Allegria23 (@allegria23). Explicit. 18,636 words. This fic follows Eliot and Quentin into their future. I’m recommending it specifically for the way it deals with Quentin’s discipline - I’ve never seen a fic tackle the subject in quite this way, and with so much care and gentleness. If you are not a fan of kid!fic, don’t be put off by the premise - Eliot and Quentin are great fathers with amazing kids in this future universe, but the focus really does remain on their romance. This story is part of a series called second time around which is all worth a read, especially the latest part, entitled The Special Dish. The whole series really embodies the romance of effort, and how putting in the time to nurture and grow a relationship is what makes it work.

Be still my foolish heart (i’m almost me again) by Butterfly (@butterflydm). Explicit. 3,754 words. A birthday fic for Quentin - he’s a little overwhelmed by the party held in his honor. He sneaks off to be alone, Eliot follows him, and Q tells Eliot about his discipline.

Living Room, NY by cartographies (@honeybabydichotomy). Teen. 11,254 words. Eliot goes to therapy. I’m recc’ing this specifically for Eliot’s rambling confession of love to Quentin in chapter two. The whole thing is lovely, but that part really knocked me the fuck out.

Imagine being loved by me. by destielpasta (@queliotpasta). Explicit. 11,225 words. Holy moly. This is a top-tier fave for me. It’s about sex, it’s about love, it’s about working through a relationship after trauma. Eliot is touch-starved but can’t be touched - so Quentin and Eliot must get creative.

Yes and Yes and Maybe Yes by hetrez (@hetrez). Mature. 5,542 words. The author describes this as “consent porn, with feelings,” and that’s a pretty good descriptor. Quentin has PTSD because of the Monster, and Eliot’s touch can be triggering for him. They work together to get through it. This is hot, yes, but it’s hot specifically because of how badly Eliot wants to take care of Quentin and make him feel safe.

The Dreamers by hetrez (@hetrez). Teen. 10,143 words. Post-possession, Quentin and Eliot are together but things aren’t smooth sailing. The scene from this story that always sticks in my head is Quentin asking Eliot if he wants to have a family again, like they did before with Arielle and Teddy - and Eliot’s horrifically wrong-footed response: “You’ll get a wife again and we’ll have another baby.” As might be predicted, Quentin doesn’t take that very well… and this story is at least partially working out where they stand, what they both want.

The Drum Beats Out of Time by HMGFanfic (@hmgfanfic). Mature. 68,605 words. This series features two stories: Suitcase of Memories and I Fall Behind. Both are amazing, but I Fall Behind in particular is one of my top-tier favorite fics in the whole fandom. This fic does not pull its punches in terms of the effects of Eliot’s possession, and it makes things really rough for Quentin and Eliot’s relationship. Quentin does a reckless thing, Eliot panics, they hash it out - but it’s not easy, and it’s not so clear-cut. These fics also features glimpses of their life together at the mosaic, and a lovely epilogue that shows how they’ve made progress and are still healing as a couple.

the right time and place by impossibletruths (@impossibletruths). Teen. 3,675 words. Eliot trying to propose to Quentin. It’s sweet and fluffy and good for the soul.

hearts like houses by impossibletruths (@impossibletruths). Explicit. 11,888 words. Quentin and Eliot celebrate Eliot’s birthday, post-possession. They get away for a trip, to try and put their worries behind them. This story is full of so much intimacy and gentleness that it just melts my whole heart.

five times my writing was better than the magicians by micksgotkicks (@lovelyquentin). Teen. 6,019 words. These are just… soft. It’s five different short fics, all with slight variations on the simple concept of Quentin and Eliot reuniting post-possession. There’s no intensive deep-dive, nothing too grim or challenging. It’s just the two of them finding their way to each other again and again. Very healing to read, in light of canon’s (inferior) version of reality.

struck from a great height by mtothedestiel (@summersteve). Explicit. 4,517 words. “Life affirming sex” is the most telling tag on this thing. Post-possession, Eliot and Quentin find their way into each other’s arms. Really hot sex, lots of feelings… everything we deserved at the end of the Monster story-line.

And So Lift Your Spirits by OrchardsinSnow (@orchardsinsnow). Explicit. 3,437 words. This was one of the first fics I remember reading in the aftermath of my desperate post-season four feelings, and it hit the spot in the best way. Eliot’s POV - he loves Quentin, but has doubts that he’s actually deserving of something so wonderful, that Quentin could really reciprocate and want to stay. Quentin finds an insanely hot, insanely romantic way to reassure him.

Ten Twenty-Eight by Page161of180. Not Rated. 5,974 words. This is slice-of-life about Quentin Coldwater and how he’s spent Eliot’s birthday, October 28, over the years. It’s told through notes from the Library branch of the Underworld, with added comments from Alice and Penny. It’s weird, but rewarding. I love the record-keeping aspect. This author has a real gift for outsider POV, and this is one of my favorites!

Nights and Mornings by Page161of180. Mature. 6,734 words. Two connected stories, in the aftermath of possession. Quentin doesn’t die, but he does still get back together with Alice, a la 4x12. These stories deal with Eliot’s thoughts on that, and… spoiler… Quentin/Alice is just not meant to be. Quentin makes a different choice.

The Honor of Your Presence by Page161of180. Mature. 18,117 words. Quentin and Eliot get married, and we hear the story from three different POVs… Todd, Rafe, and Marina 23. Random? Yes. Brilliant? Also yes. I love how each POV has a different and distinct literary style. And how even the people who aren’t closest to Quentin and Eliot can see how insanely in love they are with each other.

The Wanting Then, the Needing Now by Page161of180. Not rated. 3,799 words. Alice’s POV, as Eliot is saved from possession, and Quentin falls apart. Basically, Alice realizes where Quentin really belongs. I love the way this author does justice to Quentin’s love for Alice - it’s not a footnote, it’s not an insignificant blip. It’s real, and that doesn’t invalidate the fact that Quentin chooses Eliot. This has a much longer sequel which is also very good - but that story is more Alice-centric and not really focused on Queliot as much, even though they definitely play a part.

Lay Me Down (Pockets Full of Stones) by PanBoleyn (@eidetictelekinetic). Not Rated. 10,024 words. Post-possession, Eliot realizes how badly Quentin has been dealing with things. He’s angry at their friends for not keeping a better eye out - but all that matters right now is finding Quentin and making sure he’s alright. I love this story for how messy their reunion is - how all of their feelings just come spilling out of them without finesse.

(one kiss) it all comes down to this by PanBoleyn (@eidetictelekinetic). Not Rated. 6,391 words. True Love’s Kiss… the boys need to talk about their feelings, and a curse forces the issue. This is so entirely my jam.

box of chocolates by peacefrog (@lizardkingeliot). Mature. 9,256 words. This short series begins with the Teen-rated for love (if it finds you worthy) and features Eliot asking Quentin to be his valentine. Because Quentin and Eliot are… Quentin and Eliot, it still takes them a little while to get their shit together, after that.

when lips and skin remember by peacefrog (@lizardkingeliot). Explicit. 6,163 words. This is for the monthly prompt challenge - “blindfolds” and features Quentin helping Eliot through some sensory issues, post-Monster possession.

an end (but the start of all things that are left to do) by peacefrog (@lizardkingeliot). Explicit. 2,388 words. Birthday smut! Q is alive and gets a blowjob, as the universe requires.

the one with the dog by portraitofemmy (@portraitofemmy). Explicit. 80,517 words. If you haven’t already read this series, what are you waiting for?? It is IDEAL for soothing the soul. Eliot and Quentin deal with the aftermath of their trauma, both physical and mental. They hang out at the condo in New York, they take care of an adorable dog named Lady Desdemona, they have lots of hot sex of course. They heal. Every single one of the twelve stories in this series is worth reading, but my favorites are probably (this is) the beat of my heart (Explicit, 11,700 words), Five Card Draw (Explicit, 3,531 words), all the way home I’ll be warm (Explicit, 15,640 words), and Come What May (Teen, 3,352 words).

5 Scenes from a Road Trip by portraitofemmy (@portraitofemmy). Explicit. 16,218 words. In the aftermath of season four (sans Quentin’s death), the boys need a change of scenery to begin healing and finding their way back to one another. I love how this fic shows their closeness, and how the boundaries of their relationship often defy description. They love each other beyond sex, beyond conventional romance - although they achieve those things, too, as they definitely deserve.

did you know my baby loves me? by portraitofemmy (@portraitofemmy). Explicit. 7,776 words. Quentin tops Eliot on his birthday. What it says on the tin. But as always with this author, even something that should be ostensibly a PWP is filled with so much feeling and love that you could just drown in it.

To Learn to Be Again by portraitofemmy (@portraitofemmy). Explicit. 18,295 words. “I don’t think- I can’t be anyone’s boyfriend right now, Eliot.” Eliot loves Quentin, Quentin loves Eliot, but that’s not always enough to give them a happily ever after. Quentin goes to therapy, deals with his trauma and his mental health, and Eliot is right there beside him with no expectations. This is so, so lovely and every ounce of their happiness feels earned and all the more precious for the pain that’s mixed up with it.

do not go gentle by portraitofemmy (@portraitofemmy). Explicit. 10,260 words. This is almost a fix-it, in that Quentin imagines the events of 4x13, but they don’t actually happen. So be warned if any depiction of Quentin’s death is a trigger for you. I love the way this story deals with the Alice of it all, and also the way Quentin and Eliot talk through their situation and find a way back to each other once again. (Also shower sex happens). This author has written multiple versions of this same reconciliation, but each one is so lovely and I’ll never get sick of it.

the strange act of living by propinquitous (@propinquitous). Explicit. 13,632 words. So there are a lot of fics out there that deal with the aftermath of Eliot’s possession of course. A lot of fics that feature Eliot and Quentin slowly, painfully, finding a way to reconcile. This one holds a special place in my heart for this particular moment, where Quentin walks past Eliot without saying anything, grabs a muffin from the counter, and leaves the room. Later, Q finds Eliot crying in the shower, and Eliot asks him why he just left, taking the food Eliot had made for him, and then ignoring him. That one moment has stuck with me ever since I read the fic, and I keep coming back to it. In all, this captures a very specific kind of hurt that both Quentin and Eliot are feeling, and gets them on the path to healing. Gorgeous.

the safety of others by propinquitous (@propinquitous). Teen. 8,122 words. Quentin doesn’t die in 4x13, but he does get injured. And Eliot keeps vigil. This is - so powerful. I don’t even know how to describe it. Just read it, please.

Magic Curses by Rizandace (@Nellie-Elizabeth). Explicit. 134,886 words. This series includes six stories, each dealing with Quentin and Eliot’s relationship as they undergo external threats from creative and somewhat evil magical curses. It’s my attempt to write in some more hurt/comfort to the fandom, and also to indulge in some established-relationship goodness! The first story, Lover’s Touch (Explicit, 24,781 words), is summarized thusly: “Q gets cursed, and Alice can’t help. Magic forces Q and Eliot to cuddle and talk about their feelings.”

Coming Home by rizcriz (@sadlittlenerdking). Not Rated. 2,958 words. Short and sweet. The author succinctly describes this as: “Eliot gets to be brave.” And he does. He says the thing he wants to say to Quentin, and Q eventually believes him.

Enough by SabbyStarlight. Teen. 2,746 words. This was written just before 4x13 came out. If only if only this is how it had gone instead… basically just Quentin and Eliot talking about their feelings, negotiating their relationship.

Boyfriend by sirfoxheart (@sirfoxheart). Teen. 6,727 words. Quentin is sensitive about the fact that Eliot isn’t introducing him as his boyfriend. This is just… the sweetest. I love that there’s some jealousy and insecurity, but it’s a manageable, reasonable type - Eliot and Quentin are able to talk about it and get past this small bump in the road.

Hunger by sirfoxheart (@sirfoxheart). Explicit. 4,327 words. Quentin gets a birthday blowjob. The end. :)

~~~~~

Mosaic Timeline

These stories are ones that take place almost or entirely within the mosaic timeline - both in keeping with, and in deviation from, what we see in 3x05.

help me hold onto you by ameliajessica (@ameliajessica). Explicit. 14,768 words. This one will hurt your heart, but it’s so rewarding. Featuring Eliot being ridiculously turned on by talking about feelings during sex… and Quentin loving Eliot while grieving for Arielle.

‘Cause my baby’s sweet as can be by destielpasta (@queliotpasta). Teen. 645 words. Tiny fic - maybe the shortest one on the list. Quentin and Eliot are bad at talking about their feelings. Who’s surprised?

flowing all this time by mtothedestiel (@summersteve). Explicit. 5,488 words. This is one of those fics where Arielle isn’t an obstacle for the boys… but rather, Eliot is an obstacle for Quentin and Arielle, in a way. It has some bittersweet moments, but I love how much Eliot loves Quentin here. This is also (spoiler) the rare fic where Arielle chooses to leave, rather than dying.

a cure i know (that soothes the soul) by peacefrog (@lizardkingeliot). Explicit. 4,857 words. Little snippets of Quentin and Eliot’s life through the years at the mosaic. Recc’ing especially for middle-aged Queliot, which we see all too little of in this fandom!

measure in love by portraitofemmy (@portraitofemmy). Explicit. 51,827 words. This is a series about Quentin, Eliot, and Arielle’s lives together at the mosaic. I don’t know if the author plans to write more in this series or not, but each one can stand alone. I am particularly enamored with The Ways We Fit Together (Explicit, 11,661 words), which is summarized succinctly as “sex and love in the mosaic timeline”, and You Steer My Heart (Explicit, 25,217 words), which follows Eliot’s mindset as he watches Quentin and Arielle fall in love with each other, while Quentin and Eliot continue to love each other as well. It’s stunning, and probably my favorite take on the three of them and their polyamorous relationship. This series has everything - the best combination of smut and feelings you could hope for.

Running All This Time by Rizandace (@Nellie-Elizabeth). Explicit. 179,478 words.The story of the mosaic timeline, built on the foundation of love and communication. To my knowledge, the only completed mosaic long-fic in the fandom thus far! Includes Fillorian nonsense, a quest within a quest, plenty of sex, lots of hurt/comfort, a different take on Arielle, and happy endings for everyone.

Reciprocal by Rizandace (@Nellie-Elizabeth). Teen. 8,259. Eliot is an idiot about his feelings (what else is new?), and he tries to make things better in the worst possible way. This fic imagines a world where Eliot and Quentin find happiness together without Arielle as a part of their romantic/sexual lives.

my heart is thrilled by the still of your hand by sirfoxheart (@sirfoxheart). Explicit. 9,586 words. This is the porn-iest version of “Quentin and Eliot don’t know how to talk about their feelings.” Basically, the boys keep jerking off next to each other in bed, and they don’t talk about it because they’re IDIOTS.

you know that’s my love (bursting loud from inside) by sirfoxheart (@sirfoxheart). Explicit. 11,904 words. Another fic where Arielle decides to leave. Eliot is so good at taking care of his family.

tomorrow past tonight by vegansheilseitan. Explicit. 7,676 words. Okay - if you’re only going to read one gap-filler for 3x05, that’s basically just the missing sex scene and nothing else, make it this one. It’s hot, and it’s aching with everything Quentin and Eliot aren’t saying to each other. This is one of my absolute favorites.

~~~~~

Brakebills Alternate Universe / Season One

These stories are generally, but not always, pure relationship fics where the plot concerns of canon (i.e. the Beast, and time loops) do not exist, and instead Quentin and Eliot get to be magical grad students together, and fall in love.

Every Blessed Thing by achray. Explicit. 7,795 words. Quentin turns himself invisible. This fic is complex in how Alice and Quentin’s relationship is portrayed, and the resolution isn’t clear-cut. I really like this characterization of both Quentin and Eliot.

saturate the atmosphere (wake me from a dream) by Allegria23 (@allegria23). Explicit. 7,394 words. This is some good ol’ sexy times with a healthy dash of feelings. Eliot involuntarily levitates them while Quentin’s giving him a blowjob, so… that’s honestly all you need to know about this one. Go give it a read.

i feel it in my body, know it in my mind by ameliajessica (@ameliajessica). Mature. 11,817 words. Let’s pretend that this is what happened in 1x03, okay? Kady doesn’t interrupt when Eliot pours Q a drink, and sex ensues. I love how flabbergasted Eliot is by everything that happens - especially his reaction to the news that Quentin isn’t straight, and isn’t going to be squeamish at the thought of sleeping with a man. So hot, so cute.

if being him is who you are / say it loud say you know you are by ameliajessica (@ameliajessica). Mature. 5,293 words. Okay, holy shit. Mike’s POV - he decides that he and Eliot should have a threesome with Quentin, so Eliot can get it out of his system. Uh. Yeah, that backfires. Poor Mike. But also - the sex in this is the epitome of tenderness and love. Eliot is so careful with Quentin, so awed and desperate and shaky at the chance to be with him. There is a sequel in the works, too, so watch out for that!

Hedonism for Beginners by ceeainthereforthat (@ceeainthereforthat). Explicit. 20,730 words. A series of filthy sex, basically. Eliot is teaching Quentin about what he likes in bed. I don’t know if the series is abandoned or not, but in any case, each of these works on its own as a PWP but with a deep undercurrent of feelings.

Something Good by HMGFanfic (@hmgfanfic). Teen. 162,260 words. The Gold Standard slow-burn rom-com AU! Seriously, I know everyone’s read this, but if you haven’t for some reason… please do. The slow-burn is so slow you’ll be tearing your hair out by the end, but it’s all worth it when you get to the catharsis. How oblivious can Quentin be about Eliot’s feelings? This fic asks and answers that question, and the answer is - very. There are also two fics that accompany the main story: Someone Good (Eliot’s POV of the main story) and Somewhere Good (future one-shots of Quentin and Eliot’s life together). Both are on hiatus but the author plans to return to them. You can read the existing chapter of each without feeling like anything is unfinished, though.

Not Always Folly by HMGFanfic (@hmgfanfic). Explicit. 262,583 words. Another amazing romantic… comedy? but this one is from Eliot’s POV and is in some ways more a character study of Eliot Waugh than it is simply a romance. Although the romance… you guys… the pining levels are off the charts. Eliot ends up hurting Quentin, and really everyone else he cares about, in this story, but he puts in the work to make it right. I admire this fic for diving deep into Eliot’s psyche while also delivering on an amazing slow-burn of a different sort. Bonus points for Alice and Eliot getting to be friends like they deserve!

Be kind by longnationalnightmare. Explicit. 10,069 words. It’s the highest kudo’d fic in the fandom! I assume that means you’ve all read it? This is a PWP, but I love it specifically for how much Eliot loses his usual control when he’s with Quentin.

to be unbroken or be brave again. by milominderbinder (@disasterbiquentin). Teen. 14,135 words. Hey, it’s a 10 Things I Hate About You AU! Kind of! Josh asks Quentin to pretend to date Eliot to cheer him up after a breakup, so that Margo will go out with Josh. But Q tells Eliot what’s up right away - so they’re fake dating but real feelings happen. Super cheesy, of course, but it hits the spot!

in the world full wrong (you’re the thing that’s right) by Mizzy (@Mizzy2k). Explicit. 5,307 words. Eliot tries to hook up with Quentin Coldwater and gets more than he bargained for. I love this for how matter-of-fact Quentin is, about the fact that Eliot wants to seduce him… and then hpw he ends up doing some seducing of his own.

If You Haven’t Yet by OrchardsinSnow (@orchardsinsnow). Explicit. 5,828 words. Obviously we all love confident Eliot Waugh totally rocking Quentin’s world… but I have a soft spot for oddly confident Quentin who really knows what he’s doing, and this fic has the perfect blend of both dynamics. The best part is Quentin slowly and methodically undressing Eliot and not letting him help. It’s… whew. *fans self*

the heat that drives the light by peacefrog (@lizardkingeliot). Explicit. 9,296 words. Quentin and Eliot have an antagonistic relationship, until Eliot realizes Quentin might be what he’s looking for in a sexual partner. Sub Eliot, new-to-being-a-Dom Quentin. Super hot.

it started out with a kiss (how did it end up like this) by portraitofemmy (@portraitofemmy). Explicit. 7,896 words. In the aftermath of a bad breakup, Quentin and Eliot find their way to each other. This is super amazing all on its own, but the author is also working on a sequel that I’m really enjoying thus far. Either story could probably be read without the other, too.

the bridge between us by portraitofemmy (@portraitofemmy). Explicit. 16,201 words. Dom Eliot, Sub Quentin. Quentin and Eliot navigate their BDSM sex life, but also their feelings. Eliot is so tender and soft with Q, and Q learns to take care of Eliot in return. This is one of my absolute favorites from this author. Also, as a note, there’s a “prequel” to this fic called paint it red (Explicit, 7,197 words) that could totally be read as a separate piece, but is worth checking out as the origin story of how these two got together and started shaping their dynamics, sexual and otherwise.

(Everyone Has) That Drawer by ProofOfConcept and wilddragonflying. Explicit. 5,782 words. Eliot finds Quentin’s stash of sex toys. It’s enough to get him to finally act on their mutual, unspoken attraction. Hot!

Wake Me Up by rizcriz (@sadlittlenerdking). Not Rated. 4,000 words. Quentin has sleep apnea, but Eliot doesn’t know that… and he gets a little - alarmed. This is objectively an odd premise, but it’s incredibly sweet. rizcriz has about a million stories and I’ve read a lot of them, but I’m a fan of the ones like this, that take a specific concept and run with it, sort of like slice-of-life. Check out more of their work, though, I can’t possibly put them all on the list!

Migraine Mastery by SabbyStarlight. Not rated. 2,012 words. Short and sweet - Quentin has a migraine and Eliot helps.

Between Friends by sirfoxheart (@sirfoxheart). Explicit. 15,019 words. This is the quintessential (Quentin-sential?) Brakebills get-together fic. It’s a party, Quentin and Eliot end up going to bed together… both of them are a little uncertain about what this means, but they work it out. Recc’ing for the hot sex, but even more for the “wake up in the middle of the night to have a tender round two without talking about what it means” sex.

Sex Magic by sirfoxheart (@sirfoxheart). Explicit. 42,006 words. Uhh… what it says on the tin. Every one of these is scorching, but my favorite is probably the first one: How Easy You Are To Need.

All Of You A Verb In Perfect View by sirfoxheart (@sirfoxheart). Explicit. 6,398 words. PWP where Eliot distracts Quentin while he tries to do his homework.

You Can Devastate Me by sirfoxheart (@sirfoxheart). Explicit. 9,018 words. Marqueliot sex scene - Quentin and Eliot are a couple, but Margo is running the show. Just… hot, but of course Eliot’s love for Quentin still permeates the whole piece. So much tenderness, with so much filth.

~~~~~

Alternate Universe (No Magic)

So many of these seem so completely random in premise, but they’re all amazing!

Our Sublime Refrain by destielpasta (@queliotpasta) and mtothedestiel (@summersteve). Explicit. 233,929 words. It’s 1836, Eliot is a pianist. This one is Marqueliot, y’all, and let me tell you - it is a journey. If you are somewhat put off by the idea of an AU so far removed from canon, about a topic you know very little about… please give this a try. I was a little hesitant too, but I promise it will not disappoint.

Pretty Good Year by Hth (@spiders-hth-is-an-outlier). Explicit. 175,728 words. I’m not going to lie - this is a difficult fic for me. It’s stunning, but getting through it was an incredibly emotional, challenging journey. While many fics in this fandom deal with Quentin’s mental illness, I’ve never seen a fic talk about it quite like this one. That’s not to put you off from trying it if you haven’t already - this is one of the most achingly real stories I’ve ever read, and it will reward you for giving it a chance.

opening doors by impossibletruths (@impossibletruths). Mature. 52,230 words. Quentin is a playwright! Eliot is an associate director who used to act! This is a slow-ish burn, and the worldbuilding of the characters in a theatrical setting is so fun!

couch party verse by marcel. Mature. 33,725 words. These two stories feature Quentin, Eliot, and the rest of the gang at a non-magical grad school. The thing I love about these stories is how slow and realistic the escalation of the relationship feels. It’s not a hot hookup right away - they clearly like each other, but circumstances sometimes get in the way, and there’s also no big rush to the finish line. This is a softer, gentler universe that still has its own realism and trauma, too. I hope the author chooses to add to it someday!

Saltwater by mtothedestiel (@summersteve). Explicit. 35,560 words. It’s a pirate AU! What more could you possibly need to know? I love how all of the characters and locations are cleverly repurposed here - the Whitespire and Our Lady Underground are ships, Quentin is a ship’s doctor, Eliot is a captain, etc. And the slowburn between Quentin and Eliot is masterful. This is actually a series - part one is complete, and part two is in progress.

A (Gingerbread) House that we can Build by mtothedestiel (@summersteve), with art by eliotsvests (surprisegents). Explicit. 28,189 words. I am not a cheesy Christmas movie person, and I am not a kid!fic person. So I thought this might not be the story for me, at first. But I’m so glad I clicked on it - this is a story about second chances, and finding happiness when you aren’t even looking for it. And I love the way little Teddy is written here. He’s got all the sweetness of Quentin Coldwater’s son, without tilting over into being saccharine. This is just the right amount of sweet if you want to put yourself back in the holiday spirit.

I’ll Follow My Secret Heart by OrchardsinSnow (@orchardsinsnow). Mature. 17,613 words. I don’t really know how to describe this one… it’s weird! It’s a meet cute, Eliot gets in an accident, there’s a blizzard, bed (floor) sharing so as to prevent freezing to death, Eliot is kinda famous and Quentin doesn’t know. All I can say is, this is precious, and odd, and I got totally swept up in the world.

I Need You So Much Closer by OrchardsinSnow (@orchardsinsnow). Explicit. 14,436 words. I love this story. Eliot is a musician, he and Quentin are exes from years ago, who fell apart because of Eliot’s alcoholism. But he’s sober now, and he’s touring where Quentin lives - so they reconnect. Eliot calls Quentin the “smoke show love of [his] life” at one point in this fic, and that phrase just… stuck with me in the best way. Don’t miss the mini-sequel, You Need Me So Much Closer (Explicit, 3,874 words), either. I really hope the author writes more in this universe!

Experimentation by portraitofemmy (@portraitofemmy). Explicit. 4,812 words. PWP where Eliot meets Quentin at a sex shop and Eliot teaches him what he’s into. Hot hot hot.

(i just might) remember that night by portraitofemmy (@portraitofemmy). Explicit. 4,732 words. This might be crack, I don’t know. There are dick pics, and it’s silly, but also Quentin and Eliot feel this amazing connection to each other right off the bat, and that is honestly my jam.

and if tomorrow it’s all over (at least we had it for a moment) by sirfoxheart (@sirfoxheart). Explicit. 45,461 words. Quentin and Eliot were a couple in high school, but they haven’t seen each other in years. They run into each other again at Julia’s wedding, and everything comes rushing back. I like the fact that this fic features very little (if any) angst. The idea is that these two people missed out on their chance to be together, but they haven’t been desperately pining for years. But once they’re back in a room together… their connection is undeniable. Also, the sex is great.

hold me like a (liar) lover does by sirfoxheart (@sirfoxheart) with art by Doomkitty25. Explicit. 80,812 words. A holiday fic! Fake dating! Mutual pining! So tropey and excellent. Really hot sex, as is the norm for this author! Warning for Alice being something of a villain in this piece, although there’s a potential reconciliation implied right at the end. I love this fic for going beyond just the romance, and also telling a story about Quentin and Eliot’s careers, and what they want out of their lives - in terms of romance, yes, but in terms of their work lives as well.

Ask Me, I Won’t Say No by vegansheilseitan. Explicit. 22,616 words. A… pub trivia AU? Which is a thing I didn’t know I needed? Mostly this is about widower!Quentin, with a kid, meeting Eliot Waugh. They fall in love. The sex in this is incendiary, but the growing relationship between these two is what really makes it worth the read.

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Alternate Universe (With Magic)

These stories feature roughly the same worldbuilding as the show’s canon, but the character’s journeys deviate significantly. Maybe Quentin and Eliot don’t meet at Brakebills, or their journey to getting there is different in some other way!

fire and life by everytuesday. Teen. 7,060 words. This is a high school AU, where Eliot discovers his magic, and accidentally kills his father. Quentin helps him to bury the body. It’s a little bit dark, obviously, given that description… so take care.

First Year by peacefrog (@lizardkingeliot). Mature. 11,957 words. Quentin is a Brakebills student, who also happens to be a sylph from Fillory. He has wings, and Eliot is more than a little intrigued. The author may have plans to write a sequel!

push me (further than i thought i could go) by peacefrog (@lizardkingeliot). Explicit. 15,036 words. Quentin and Eliot meet at a game of Push, and then have their own private contest later on. Mostly recommending this one for the sex, but also for Confident Quentin Coldwater, and for the fact that no matter the circumstances, these boys are gone for each other pretty much right away.

Hedges, Bitch by portraitofemmy (@portraitofemmy). Explicit. 56,568 words. This series has four works, the longest “main” story of which, theón kai andrón, is another personal favorite of mine. It features Eliot as the leader of a coven of hedge witches, and Quentin as a magical novice who didn’t make it into Brakebills. I love the dynamic between Quentin and Eliot in these stories, as they fall naturally into a dom/sub relationship, but Eliot works to make sure the power differential between them doesn’t adversely affect things, either on the job, or in their personal lives. Eliot is just so soft for Quentin in these stories, while also admiring him and depending on him as the gang gets themselves caught up in a dangerous threat to hedges all over the world.

~~~~~

Fillory/Royalty

These stories are sometimes canon deviations, and usually deal with Eliot as the High King, and his relationship with Quentin from there.

oh this is us, this is love and this is where I sleep by buckybunnyteeth. Explicit. 4,360 words. Quentin is jealous of Idri! Eliot is way, way too delighted about it. Really hot. I probably shouldn’t be as charmed by jealous!Quentin as I am. But this is amazing.

Make a list of things you need by longnationalnightmare. Explicit. 10,264 words. Eliot and Quentin are getting married, but Eliot’s okay with keeping it platonic. Quentin… is not. Hot, hot, hot.

i’d be the last shred of truth (in the lost myth of true love) by milominderbinder (@disasterbiquentin), with art by gilestel. Eliot and Margo are made the High Kings of Fillory, and then later Eliot meets a cute Brakebills professor Quentin Coldwater, who is staying at Whitespire for research. There’s a truth curse! Eliot is set to marry Idri, but uh-oh, feelings happen! Tropey as hell, super cute.

and this is the map of my heart by peacefrog (@lizardkingeliot). Explicit. 14,033 words. Eliot is High King, and he is expected to marry. Quentin magnanimously offers himself for the position, and of course there’s angst about that. And scorching hot sex. And Eliot struggling to be emotionally vulnerable. One of my absolute favorites from the author.

whitespire by peacefrog (@lizardkingeliot). Explicit. 1,529 words. Eliot sits on his throne, Quentin drops to his knees and calls him “Your Majesty.” So… yeah. Yum.

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Brian and Nigel

This is an area where more content needs to exist! Send me a note if there are some I’ve missed.

A Little Disguised, or a Little Mistaken by Page161of180. Mature. 17,807 words. Brian and Nigel find each other, and fall in love. This is gorgeous. Quentin and Eliot are recognizably themselves, but also just different enough that when their real selves start poking through the memory wipe, you can feel the change coming. Another story where canon comes along and steals happiness right out from under them. They were so close!

Shine Through My Memory by PanBoleyn (@eidetictelekinetic). Mature. 61,311 words. This one starts as a fic about Brian and Nigel meeting and falling in love… and then the Monster still possesses Nigel/Eliot, and the events of season four continue from there. But with memories of Brian and Nigel’s love in Quentin’s head, things play out a little differently. We follow the story all the way through to Eliot getting saved by Margo and Quentin, and the reconciliation/reunion afterwards. This fic has a little of everything, and it’s really the only re-telling of season four I’ve seen that covers the canon plot while adding something new and unique to the story!

Reaching in the Dark by sirfoxheart (@sirfoxheart). Mature. 53,040 words. Eliot remembers who he is, but Quentin thinks he’s Brian. Eliot and Alice work together to protect Quentin from the Monster. This is so complex and difficult and sad and challenging, and when you reach the end, you’ll feel so frustrated about how close they were to figuring their shit out. But ultimately, canon comes back to snatch that happy ending away.

~~~~~

Other

The few fics that I couldn’t categorize neatly into any of the above sections.

So It May As Well Be Me by achray. Explicit. 14,596 words. There was only one bed. Trapped in a closet. Sex pollen. Sex magic rituals. Every fanfic trope becomes manifest. Quentin seems oblivious; Eliot is freaking out. This is just the epitome of fun.

our place in the family of things by greywash, with art by yourtinseltinkerbell (@yourtinseltinkerbell). Explicit. 208,582 words. This is sort of a Brakebills AU, I suppose, but it takes place after Eliot has graduated. Quentin comes to visit over the holidays. So here’s the thing about greywash’s prose - they are stunning. They are dense, and complex, and almost hard to read - but I mean that as the highest compliment. This story, and really all of this author’s work, rewards careful study. This story has so, so much to offer. So if you haven’t given it a shot, or you’re intimidated by the length, please give it a try. Featuring Eliot’s complex relationship with his mother, with religion, with his sexuality, with Quentin, with Margo. Featuring a story of queer love that transcends time and convention. Featuring some excellent worldbuilding, especially as concerns Quentin’s family, and Eliot’s career. Featuring beautiful accompanying artwork. Featuring a proposal scene that knocked me the fuck out. Featuring love, in every way.

To Give You Hope and a Future by Page161of180. Not rated. 4,374 words. I couldn’t put this in the fix-it category, or in the mosaic category, or really even in the post-season four category. It’s all and none of those things. Eliot, in the aftermath of Quentin’s death, goes to the mosaic and talks to old man Quentin, who is grieving his husband. This is sad, y’all. But cathartic, too.

Cheat Day by peacefrog (@lizardkingeliot). Explicit. 1,624 words. Set during season four. Quentin misses Eliot, and does something sad and dangerous. Short and… well, sweet is the wrong word. This one will punch you right in the gut.

Movement by pineapplecrushface (@pineapplecrushface). Explicit. 17,036 words. These are three stories that are only loosely connected in that they are about sex, and introspection. They fit into lots of categories - parts of them take place in Eliot’s happy place, parts at the mosaic, parts in the aftermath of possession. All three stories in the series are scorching hot and full of so much feeling. I really admire how they weave through time, following the changing dynamics through the events of canon in a really unique way.

darkness, welcoming by portraitofemmy (@portraitofemmy). Explicit. 17,748 words. I almost put this in the Alternate Universe (With Magic) section, but this is not the same world as canon. Eliot is a vampire! He saves Quentin’s life and then… uh… well, they fall in love, and there’s some blood play. Eliot is super smitten, and it’s precious. Also really hot.

What Was and What Will Be by ProofOfConcept and wilddragonflying. Mature. 35,996 words. This is part mosaic-fic, part post-possession fic… it’s basically just another story of these two idiots being so bad at communication, but finally getting it right. A really satisfying journey, encompassing so many elements of what we all wished for in canon. I especially loved the long and difficult conversation they have during their reunion. The line that really punched me in the gut was: “fuck you for saying ‘I love you’ for the first goddamn time when you’re breaking up with me.”

kiss me harder, you’re better than you know by propinquitous (@propinquitous). Explicit. 4,633 words. This could easily take place in a nebulous post-season-four world, but it exists in its own little bubble and could really slot into any given universe. It deals with Quentin’s depression in a really direct, really devastating way, but also features Eliot being there for Quentin as best as he can. As the tags say, “not the healthiest of coping mechanisms.” But it’s filled with so much tenderness I can hardly stand it.

To Feel the Same by Rizandace (@Nellie-Elizabeth). Teen. 1,725 words. A small gap-filler at the end of the “I think you should probably hug me right now” scene in 2x01.

#the magicians #queliot #fic recs #my posts #this took me forEVER #so please reblog and add your own suggestions!#also yes i did put my own fics on here... i'm proud of them and want more people to find them!#117 fics & series (and counting!)#the links seem to be working on mobile #but not desktop #which is annoying?#but that's tumblr for ya

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