#This is probably selfish of me

[mako-island-moon-pool]

#Been feeling very isolated again lately #I know it's expected of me to be the one to bring up when I'm sad but sometimes I'd just like someone to ask me if I'm okay #I know it's bad to like 'expect' it but is it really that wrong to wish someone would notice? #Like I *know* if I asked them they'd 100% listen and I'm so grateful for that don't get me wrong #I just wish someone would ask me first if I'm okay #This is probably selfish of me #People have their own lives they don't have time to worry about me and what I'm saying or how I'm acting #I know I have to work on myself and not rely on other people to make me happy I just #I feel so invisible all the time #I guess I just want to stop feeling like that #Invisible is a good word for it #I don't want to feel invisible anymore #Like I said I know I have to be the one to say 'I'm sad' so they can ask why because otherwise it's bad for me to just hope they will ask #But like I *do* do that when I need to. I *do* reach out when I need to #I just wish I wasn't always the one bringing it up #I just wish someone would notice that I'm not okay

[ministarfruit]

having normal thoughts about the demon king today

#long post #vtuber #holostars #holotempus #regis altare #doppelgänger gave me flour and I made bread #I love writing villains that don't have a choice but to be a villain #do you understand me #the demon king was created to be evil. he doesn't have a choice #and he knows he's going to lose it all because that's how he's been written #and yet he's an evil version... of a hero? #I think he envies altare personally #because altare gets to choose whether to be good or evil #but the demon king doesn't get that choice #he was born evil and he will die evil too #yet he sees altare having fun with the guild and getting the recognition a hero gets #and he's like... why was I born this way? #why wasn't I born in a world where I could be happy? #yes the demon king is selfish and cruel and violent #and he probably wouldn't change if given the choice #but he was robbed of any other option #he is well and truly alone. while altare lives surrounded by people who love him #and the demon king has to WATCH THAT #he has to WATCH his mirror self enjoy life while he rots in his castle #with nameless servants that don't care about him #then the fire prince destroys everything he owns #AND he knows his entire universe is going to vanish after the season ends. because their world is disposable. including him. #ugh. villains who have no choice but to be villains <3

[avallachs]

i’m aware i’m 100% alone in this, but i genuinely adore ascended astarion (especially when romanced) because of how—frankly—horrific it is. it’s simultaneously so cathartic in its brutality but so unsatisfying personally while managing to be narratively satisfying (just as his other outcome is, of course).

#ophelia.txt #bg3 spoilers #the way he still has the shell of his old feelings for tav mirrored in his possessiveness of them. that alone does suggest that he’d #probably not subject them to the same overt cruelty that he suffered which makes it all far more dangerous and insidious. because what #humanity—in as much as it can be called thus—remained to him is gone. what made him HIM is gone and all that remains is an incredibly #powerful being who (if you got his scene after moonrise) hates them for letting him go through with it. he has no love left in him now. #only want and resentment and possessiveness. if he loves tav it’s the possessive and selfish love a child has for a toy. but he doesn’t #even respect them. he’s too paranoid now. too drunk on the power he has from his failure to break the cycle (which he. again. resents tav #for allowing). he said right out the gates that true vampires are never created. there’s only ever a sire and a spawn. and he views tav #letting him bite them as them degrading themselves. placing themselves as lesser than him and it’s the new baseline for how he’s going to #treat them because the man they loved is effectively gone. it makes me feel so unwell. i love ascended astarion like okay king of not #breaking the cycle 🙌🙌🙌

[averlym]

the one who pulls the strings (click for better resolution!)

from adamandi by @melliotwrites,, consider this my pitch to get you all to watch it

#beatrix valeria campbell #adamandi #this image was originally too big to save. but like im so tempted to print out the og as a poster to hide somewhere in my bedroom #anyway!!!! adamandi. im so obsessed. i have particular soft spots for vincent and bea they are my comfort characters i love when they appea #especially together. ''keep your deflections rehearsed''... aaah #shoutout to me being very normal (/sarc) about this in studio and showing it to my friends who were very indulgent with me #and also vastly entertained that i have yet again found another musical to obsess over!! shoutout also to my friend who saw bea and instant #instantly did The Face where its like. disbelieving smile. and then went #'' idk if i love her or if i want to be her'' #they're so gender. also on another note the whole asian roots things called out to me with lin!! like #the cutting fruit part in the ambrose entry had me screaming internally. oh my god cut fruit. oh my god ambrose Not Getting It. #anyway vincent's so real for all the biology references. science my beloved (<- i no longer takes bio and thus remember it fondly) #also the way they all only care about specific people-ish. i identify with that selfishness tbh. like it's good all my loved ones are stabl #bc vincent's ''this was all a gift for you''? in a darker universe probably me fr #anyways!!! stunning music and lyrics and bg and plot and costumes and acting!!! i cannot give a more glowing review akjdfhdsjk #so much of this lives rent free in my head. i have snippets of the songs memorised. #also shoutout to the shadows on the official adamandi poster.. the stained glass shadows for quincy and blood for vincent.. insane #now tag ramble about this one! highlights include i have been wanting to paint this for a Week and today i gave myself a Rest Day and got i #like this pose. went insane over it. help. the lighting. the pose. the strings #bea is such. lowkey manipulative girlboss i have so many thoughts. #trying to Not have spoilers here but! i like how the tips of the white strings in this little fanart of mine are a slight bit tinted :33 #also i moved the layout of the eye-boards a bit and added in strings of them hanging away. i realise in the original they are on stands. #but call this artistic liberties!! speaking of. for the textures it's photoshop noise filter + old paper + literally to my delight #one of the google images for. and i quote. ''old newspaper 1930 usa student'' that i then blurred out. and it looked so good!!! #journalist bea so beloved. i think i messed up the gloves a bit though :OO but nothing's perfect. #discovered this show on a 2am tumblr scroll and watched it thrice the next day as i did studio #the core message of. ''word to the wise- there's a whole world outside'' i am grasping so tight this exam season

[uncanny-tranny]

I feel so much tenderness to those of you who are putting the often difficult and harrowing work into working through trauma, identifying and navigating triggers, or even just realizing what you need... that's such a tall task sometimes. It's painful to push down those things, and it's even more painful to address it, but it's so worth it. I genuinely hope you can find pride and peace with the knowledge that you are enough, that whatever happened to you wasn't your fault, and that you are so fucking worth the effort of working through this.

#mental health #mental health advocacy #trauma #i wish somebody had told me all of this when i was young and felt it was all my fault + when i was in the thick of it #but that's in the past and i hope that maybe these words will reach somebody who needed it like i did. that would put me at ease #that's probably a selfish thought. but i don't want you (reader) to be alone in this - in those feelings #in my heart there is a spot for everybody who simply are trying to heal and work through it all y'know #because weirdly enough this can be some of the hardest shit you can do - even moreso if you must do it alone or with a network

[compacflt]

So one of the things that made me cry (and laugh) the most, when reading the whole series was in Debriefing when Ice has surgery and Mav kisses him on the forehead, then Ice types out “I am cured” with like no punctuation. (Because of course Ice is the punctuation man 99% of the time.)

One, Ice is actually so fucking funny with the “I am cured.” Like no one would believe how funny he actually is. (And I headcanon that Mav knows this, of course, but almost no one else believes him. Which drives him up the wall.) Two, that exchange was so simple but so loving??? Foaming at the mouth here. Especially after those crazy 30 years. So my question is, what are Ice and Mav’s kisses of choice? Forehead, cheek, regular ol’ lips, the world is their secretly sappy oyster.

I haven’t read that chapter of debriefing since fucking last October! Whoa! not sure how i feel about it .

regular ol’ on the lips :) it means something more than all the rest, it’s romantic in a way none of the others are (which is why it’s so dangerous)

okay yes re: ice being funny yes. wait wait wait let me find it in my doc hold on

here!

#Let this post make up for no wip Wednesday #augh ough #don’t like thinking about it #ice’s/val’s cancer is my ‘i don’t want to talk about it’ #PLEASE don’t talk to me about how ice Will probably die before mav i simply do not want to discuss it i simply won’t think about it just #like ugh don’t ugh ough it is so painful sometimes i just. Like. i fucking hate old people ngl like this is so awful #regarding this post specifically: #this is Christmas 2014 #i feel like: why Ice fell in love with maverick is pretty easy and obvious #why maverick fell in love with ice is pure selfishness #no one else ever gets to see the real ice #as my cyclone said about mav—‘You’re the only one of us who knows anything of him at all’ #and he feels lucky beyond belief for that but he is also not interested at all in sharing #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #top gun #icemav #asks #edts notes

[bonefall]

Voted for Bumble bc of course but also if you think Alex would not pspsps Bumble you are wrong. If they could communicate they would go to therapy together /s

If then could communicate they would go to therapy together

/GEN

Kyle/Green Lantern resurrects her but then he becomes convinced that she's not the same person she was before the incident, OR SOMETHING SOMETHING Black Lanterns aren't ACTUALLY bad they're just misunderstood Grim Reaper types, in either case Alex ends up breaking it off with Kyle because they've become very different people.

And then Bumble's there

And then they go to therapy or Alex adopts Bumble, and then uhhh Bumble's like one of the superpets. Like Krypto the Superdog. Free premise go forth and play with it if ur a DC fan

#bone babble #Again I don't actually know a lot about the DC universe besides what my friend tells me #But also from reading into the Black Lanterns having them be evil sound like a WHOLE wasted opportunity #Lanterns are supposed to be emotions yeah? so why the hell are we downplaying the emotion of GRIEF? #There's a whole lot you could do with that actually. Death doesn't deserve to just be a villain of the week #And hell. You could explore some WILD emotions here about Alex becoming so much more than Kyle's tragedy #Can I still mourn you when you aren't dead? #What does it mean for me that the worst thing that ever happened to me has become an opportunity for her? #And... does this make me selfish for not being happy for her? #For not trying to understand the person she has become? for only thinking of how this impacts myself #RE: THIS IS NOT A DIG AT DC FANS #BUT I want to share that like... a reason I've kinda had a hard time getting into comics is because like... really interesting premises-- #like that often get turned into Monster-of-the-Week struggles for the heroes to punch into submission #I've probably just seen really bad summaries or not found the editions that would appeal to me specifically #But it's kinda why the only DC hero I'm really interested in is Superman #Because a lot of his thing is that he's a good GUY #And that creates a lot of interesting moral questions #Like YES he's a good guy. YES he has no ulterior motive. But what if he DID?-- how can EVERYONE ELSE in the universe truly know that- #for sure? #And that's cool and I really like the snippets I've seen especially between him and batman #But anyway. so much fridging and misogyny in the world of comics has kinda turned me away from getting into it #because. VERY often. Misogyny can be... *tied* to a bit of a lack of imagination. Or empathy on behalf of a particular writer #RE: There is good stuff in DC PLEASE understand im not trying to be insulting

[maulfucker]

Yeah yeah jedi Maul au we've all seen him. But what about senator Maul au. Representing Dathomir, a neutral world like Mandalore that is still somewhat hostile to outsiders. Wearing fancy clothes that show a bit too much skin for the cold climate of Coruscant. Falling in hate at first sight with Padmé, the only other senator who brings a gun to the senate floor "just in case". The two of them having a weird rivalry because Maul doesn't trust the Jedi and is neutral in a lot of subjects that Padmé is a vocal defender of.

#hm i should make an original post tag #maul #darth maul #padmé #<- she gets tagged too because she is very in my thoughts as i imagine this #sorry i watched the phantom menace bonus dvd and all the making of stuff made me Think #i want to put maul in fancy clothes and situations #he still votes with padmé in a lot of stuff btw. he just refuses to defend it out loud #because first of all he has his pride #second of all he's not here to speak for himself like all those selfish old men he's here on behalf of the tribes of dathomir #dathomir would probably have a lot more senators than the average world i think. since the tribes are not all unified #so maul would be like. the talzin clan and/or nightbrothers' senator. possibly the only male in the dathomir delegation #and more connected to the dathomir magics and martial arts than to sith philosophy #he'd probably hate both sith and jedi also. they're both freaks who worry too much about light and dark #also. this is half very similar to thoughts i have about an (unrelated) oc i have so i dont want to put this on the main post but also. #he'd probably have a lot of 'fans' who love him for his voice and looks instead of his politics #and i Knoww padmé has fans too. because she is a fashion icon. and very charismatic #so can you imagine. the hot politician fandom drama. #sorry i love creating stupid imaginary internet drama #this and my obimaul begrudging tumblr mutuals who hate each other au. i love creating virtual Situations #senator maul au

[bloomingsalma]

i think one of the most disappointing things is to see that your childhood friends have grown up to represent the kind of people you're disappointed in

#had a friendship break up w like one of my entire friend groups of six ppl? #found out that one of the girls in our friend group had sent screenshots of our private conversation about smth I was hurt over #to a gc with our other friends (but not me ofc) #and they all proceeded to talk shit about me :// I swear the way my stomach dropped when the friend I was having the convo w #sent me screenshots of what our mutual friends were saying about me #she knew how much it would hurt me but still did it just to prove a point (though I'm certain she misrepresented our conversation + my word #to them considering she blocked out what she had initially said to them lol) #my stomach hasn't dropped like that since high school #which is exactly where I thought we left this kind of deceitful behaviour. like how are you guys twenty one and still sending screenshots #and talking bad behind only one (1) friend's back when you know she can't defend herself in that space #I immediately texted our collective gc to explain a text she had sent but failed to give context for #then told them if I'm as selfish as they say I will leave this friend group. and then I left that gc #I also texted two friends who I knew were talking shit and I sent them the screenshots that first “friend” sent and pointed out how #she blocked out what she said so I'm suspicious that she skewed our conversation so they (the two other “friends”) should be wary #I told them I understood it was fair game to stoop. this low considering neither of them tried to reach out to me to hear my side #or defend me + my privacy #for context: the original argument was me voicing out that I was upset bc that first “friend” had invited and planned with with our friend #group an event that landed on my birthday without checking in with me if I was planning to spend time with them that day #and she kept defending herself and saying she didn't know I'd plan smth (probably bc my bday is two months away lmao) and she said #the event they'd be attending is just as important and necessary as being there for my birthday?? it's literally just a party her brother #(who none of us are close to lol) is DJing at. and I brought up how I'm their close friend (not her brother) and it's not fair to call #it equally necessary. but I suspect she skewed what I said greatly considering all of our friends started calling me selfish and unfair #but yeah v v crazy and hurtful and just astonishing #salmaspeaks

[sciderman]

I would say you’re more of a Mr peanut butter type yeah

doggy doggy what now?

#sci speaks #i love mr peanutbutter. #i think i love especially that eventually people stopped liking him. #cute quirky doggy winds up being a JERK actually just like the rest of us. #i love him and i love that. #really need to rewatch bojack actually because i don't remember it very well but god do i remember Loving it. #i think it's probably the best adult animated series i've ever seen. just. like. i don't know. it's the kind of writing that i really love. #where all the characters are bad actually. and you think they might be outwardly put together but they're not. #bojack is a GREAT SHOW. depressing but great. #i can't even like recommend it to anybody i'm like. yeah. it'll depress you. sorry. but that's why i like it. #i like those kind of ugly sincere emotions that make me feel less alone for being an asshole sometimes. #not in a “haha this character i like is an asshole so i can be an asshole too” kind of a way but in a . #i shouldn't despise myself because this is just part of what it is to be human i guess. you'll mess up and make selfish choices. #we all have that same software and i don't know. makes me feel less alone. i love to see that nobody else has it put together either. #it's not just me floating in the world with no direction. #it do be why i hate people who point at a character and say “BAD ROLEMODEL!! why aren't they PERFECT??” #get out shut up i hate you. #try living LIFE for five days maybe.

[craycraybluejay]

Honestly I think I do want to have kids someday. Definitely not bio kids but kids of my own all the same. Maybe just 1, maybe an entire 2.

I want to give the love and support that was not afforded to me. I want to watch them grow into amazing adults and know that I gave this child/these children the opportunity to live a good, fulfilled life. I want to instill in them my love of books; teach them important things like courage and bravery, kindness, respect, a sense of genuine wonder in a world so empty of it. I want to encourage their interests and pursuits and congratulate them when they work hard no matter the end result. I want to be the parent I never had, the best one possible.

I don't know where that fits into the rest of my life plan if it does at all. Idk. Sometimes when I experience something cool and whimsical I think; wouldn't it be awesome to share this with my own kid? A nice book or a pretty landscape or when I'm thinking about advocacy for good public schools. The thought creeps in, wouldn't it be amazing to keep even one person safe from the foster care system? Wouldn't it be lovely to have someone to nurture and support? Wouldn't it be awesome if because I was such a good parent my child lived a happy life where they felt free and safe to follow their dreams and be themselves and things?

#baby fever #or something like that #the mentally ill urge to save someone to make it better to not just break but eviscerate the cycle of violence #the masculine urge #to be a good dad the bestest dad to be selfless and protective and learn how to make room in life #meh ill worry about stuff like that when im no longer selfish and surviving and have the rest of my shit figured out #when i get old is probably the best time but is it cruel? #knowing you may have 10 20 30 years at most #idk #human lifespans are stupid as shit #youre born and youre not a person and then suddenly 16/18/etc. years later you are and u have all the responsinilities that come with it #and the weight of your whole life ahead of you #and if ur like me no one really taught you how to adult #and no matter how big your dreams you should supposedly figure out your life asap if you want kids #cuz no one wants a good parent to die when theyre young #but in the end grief is a natural byproduct of love #might delete later #getting all sentimental and shit

[brown-little-robin]

.

#robin processes emotions on main #would it be evil to stay home from family thanksgiving because I don't think I can do all my homework if I go. would it be selfish #it probably would be selfish #I'm just feeling overwhelmed tonight because I remembered All Of The Homework due on Tuesday next week and I was planning #to do most of that homework today but there's more than I thought and I also chose to do a thanksgiving dinner and online games #with the uncle who also stayed home from family thanksgiving this year. and it was fantastic and I wouldn't trade that for the world #but it was last minute and I'm SO OVERWHELMED NOW 😭 #and I just DROPPED THE PIZZA SAUCE from the pizza he bought me and it was just the last straw folks. now there's pizza sauce #on the floor and tears in my eyes and my throat hurts. and I'm aware this whole upset is selfish but STILL #still #wellllll anyway sorry #big sniff #I'm fine and everything will be fine this is just a lose/lose situation #also I'm not feeling well physically and driving four hours tomorrow for a stressful event sounds really sucky :( #four hours round trip for like six hours in person

[apersononearth011]

i want someone to put me first

#platonically ofc #does this make me selfish? #probably

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

why is everything (showing other people respect. being patient and kind. not flying off the handle about stupid things. emotional regulation and self-control. et cetera.) so easy when I'm not around my parents and so so so so hard when I AM around them?

#this is a genuine question btw I need advice bc I'm STRUGGLING. idk why everything makes me frustrated and angry #when I'm around my parents and it's SO hard to be kind and respectful to them and my sister #but so easy literally everywhere else #I hate that I'm like this I wish I could genuinely be a nice person but apparently the person #I REALLY am is the horrible selfish lazy brat I am with my parents. #even though it feels 100% easier otherwise APPARENTLY the real me is the one I revert to at home #but being nice away from home comes so naturally?? so is THAT the real me??? idk what to do I'm so frustrated right now #Lu rambles #can my mutuals please weigh in bc I feel like a terrible horrible emotionally illiterate person rn #bc of a conversation in which I fought with my mom over the fact that I have a hard time respecting my middle school aged sister #bc I don't want her (bold. confident. sometimes a little bit of a brat as well bc humanity) thinking she can walk all over me #the way she acts always makes me feel like she thinks she's better than me but maybe it's just my mindset. bc I KNOW #that my middle schooler sister IS better than me in most ways and I HATE that. how can someone #so much younger than me be better than me at basically everything she sets her mind to? #and how can I ever have confidence in myself when I know that's the case??? it's so frustrating!! #ugghdnfnsngsmkgnskfnskd I need advice and prayers. and probably to go to bed early tonight.

[mckinlily]

One of my favorite tropes is characters who fully and completely believe they aren’t morally good. And yeah, maybe they’re rough around the edges and maybe definitely they aren’t “nice.”

But when you really dig into them, you find a moral code that’s been tried, hardened, and tested more than most people have ever had to face. You find out they’ve had to face and make decisions with no good answer and then somehow had to find a way to live with that. They’ve left conventions and social niceties far behind because they’ve encountered the situations where those just don’t work. They’ve faced the brutal, hard reality that you can’t save—you can’t even not hurt— everyone. They know sometimes the only person you can save is yourself. Sometimes you have to betray or hurt more than a few people to save yourself. They know Do no harm is an impossible lie. And yet under that forcing pressure, they have forged a moral core stripped of all bloat or arbitrary hangers on and tempered in brutal, honest assessment of reality.

And yet. Because they’ve seen the world for what it is rather than what is the sorry being sold. Because they don’t buy into the hypocrisy of “innocent” and “unblemished” and “pure.” Because they don’t look like what society says good should look like, because they don’t think like society says good should think, because they have faced impossible situations and made decisions instead of looking away and pretending that was not also a choice—

Because they are human and imperfect and feel the pain “good” is not supposed to know—

They assume they must be not be good. No matter how hard they try, how brave they are, how much empathy they extent or how many sacrifices they make to help others. They assume they must always be fundamentally Bad.

Because Good people don’t see the complexities, don’t struggle with the complexities and failures, like they do.

Right?

I love when those characters are the kindest (not nice but kind), strongest, most truly brave characters in their setting. Who can reach others who are also imperfect and struggling and broken and beaten down in a way those who are that golden, innocent “good” never could.

I love when good is not being above, separate, untouched by ramble masses and evil. But instead are right in the thick of it, scarred and broken just as much as anyone else, but made the decision to try. Even if they do not believe they are good—or ever can be. Even if they think their efforts are too small. Even if their attempts are small.

And I always hope for those characters to eventually find enough healing to see how strong and good they are.

But in the mean time, I love them for hard they try, even while believing there’s something wrong with them, forever staining their soul.

(As if there isn’t something wrong with all of us. As if the definition a good person is not innocence from bad actions but the choice to do better. As if that single choices doesn’t take more bravery than the most fearless warrior.)

#just random thoughts #if you’ve been here long you probably know who at least one of these characters is about #another is my favorite oc who I will actually write…someday #oh whoops my religious trauma is showing #would you believe I thought boundaries made me a selfish and morally bad person until I was 25? #ANYWAY #yes this is at least 50% about Takashi Shirogane

[empty-dream]

If I had a nickel for every time I met a twisted male character so selfish that he destroys the very thing he loves then becomes eviler and the entire thing made me sad for a month, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

#tower of god #lo po bia yasratcha #the hunger games #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #coriolanus snow #random saying #men will really do anything but go to therapy huh #me crying over them and muttering 'u dumb selfish bitch' #not sure what to feel now that #i found im vibing with this kinda shit #am i a masochist hm probably