#This got ranty... my bad

[t4tdanvis]

That exactly. Like I understand it when it’s words like psycho and narcissist but crazy and insane ain’t shit compared to those.

“Don’t call yourself crazy!!!” I think there are demons outside my house that’ll kill me if they see me. I get so scared of windows at night I need them covered with curtains or I physically cannot walk past them. shut the fuck up!!!

one time i called myself insane and someone was like "u shouldnt say that. ur normal" I regret to inform you,

#❄.txt #ask box #unreality #tw unreality #i feel like the rise of words like 'delulu' caused a lot of people to think that the problem is not romanticizing and glorifying delusions #and instead the problem is anything even vaguely related to delusions/psychosis/etc (regardless of what disorders the person has) #theres a huge difference between a neurotypical person saying 'lol im so delulu' bc they have a crush on someone vs someone saying #'woah thats so crazy' or a delusional/psychotic person saying 'im so crazy/insane' as a joke #u cant automatically assume whether or not someone is psychotic or not if they havent said they are/arent #so policing what other ppl say when they arent saying anything actually harmful is Bad #esp when theyre just like. making jokes to cope #like some ppl just cant deal with the fact that language changes over time?? words dont mean the same things they used to anymore n thats o #'crazy' used to be exclusively just an insult but it isnt anymore. its actually Good that it isnt just used as an insult anymore #wow this got ranty i have so many thoughts in my head

[girlslashers]

Uwaaaah why is my memory so baaaaad OTL

#complain-y type tags srry -> #it always aver I get like. intensely focused too #ever* #like I went a bit bonkers and decided ok We Are Cleaning the house And Redecorating and the second I sat down to hang out it gets fuzzy #it’s like the second I decide I can relax or whatever my brains like Ok! don’t need that! #bestie we r going to get a bad grade in being a good friend #something that is normal to be afraid of and possible to achieve #gah. gah. #I got so tired I was Wired too so I had a lotta energy but. Couldn’t word things for the life of me #and this was w multiple ppl too.. it just felt frustrating Wanting to talk but 1) misspelling things cuz I was literally falling eepy #2) not being able to even explain the point I was making and #3) retaining only bits and pieces of the experience #like !!!! I don’t like not remembering things it just feels eugh #overwhelmed + understimulated + tired = the worst conversationalist of all time (it’s me) #that got v ranty aaa #uhh if uve read this far hi ily ok? pls be patient I have autism #meowdy! #negative

[milo-is-rambling]

I feel like a huge idiot all the time like it’s great and is awful and there’s a layer of smart in me that I can’t seem to actually get to it just simmers there and occasionally a smart thought bubble floats to my mouth or brain and then soon enough it’s all bullshit again

#I have spent too much time in my own brain recently I think #something something my therapist didn’t text me back letting me know if I could do my appointment virtually instead of in person and I don’t #want to bother her again so I’m just like anxious and feel annoying #and my brother (autocorrected to bother for a second lol) is smart and went to school and got a job and shit and my mom is smart and my dad #was the idiot and now he’s dead and I’m alone to be the stupid one 😭😭😭😭 #I feel so bad about myself all the time but like oh my god people around me talking about shit I don’t understand and like I can’t even #try to understand bc it’s like programming related and I end up feeling stupid and left out and like gahhhhh #my mom said I’m wallowing and I have to be like no I’m not but I literally sleep under a wall of mental illness theme canvas pieces ive made #idk I feel like a failure all the time and like I’ll rot in my mothers house for the rest of my life or until she eventually kicks me out #therapist text me baccckkkkkkkkkkkk #sorry a little not sorry to be extra ranty on my rant blog rn I’m just in my brain yall

[pinkestsorbet]

"Can you submit another report next week when we have the USB voltage readers delivered 🥺 though tbh those chargers aren't very good in the first place..."

m8... buddy... pal... If these chargers were 'always rubbish' then I wouldn't be complaining half way through my tenancy

My phone battery has started going DOWN while using these chargers the past week

#sorry i'm just feeling a lil salty this week. I ordered new charging wires assuming it was something up with my own #nah its the socket acting up and now i've got extra charging wires #just geez! i know i'm a pushover but still #worst part is i'm still 2nd guessing myself even though I KNOW it wasn't this bad last week #ranty ramble over i just needed to get that off my chest #spiltsorbet

[oreo-oro-orero]

I thought I would talk more about how I feel Ekko is often mistreated or ignored by the Arcane fandom and why I think that is and spoiler alert I Anti-Blackness is at least a part of it.

Ekko is subjected to what a lot of black boys are too in real life which is  adultification. Ekko just like a lot of black boys was essentially forced to grow up and due to this I think a lot of the Arcane Fandom treat him as an adult and thus judge him more harshly just like how in real life black boys are often treated as older then they actually are and thus are subjected to more scruinty and Ekko is sadly constantly subjected to this by the fans. This is in direct contrast with Jinx who seems to be given a lot more leeway which to a certain extent is understandable because it is her story essentially but I still find it odd how she is given the "oh poor baby pushed around by the big bad world must protect" but Ekko is just given a side glance and a "he's doing fine" when both Ekko and Jinx deserve that "need to protect" additude but yet it feels like Jinx is given the most of the protection and Ekko is just left to fend for himself.

Honestly I don't think a lot of the Arcane Fandom looks at Ekko as a victim and that is genuinely upsetting. They look at his situation as more of a success story but even then his "success" is is very sad when you think about it.  Yes he built a community and yes I guess he did "turn out okay" despite his situation but he shouldn't have had build that community in the first place and just because he did doesn't mean he's healed, trauma doesn't just go away because your relatively okay compared to everyone else. I also think his hurt isn't taken as seriously as the other characters because he doesn't actively display it as much, in total his hurt is displayed in two main instances and that's it mostly, the other times he's on screen he's either angry or at the very least mildly annoyed or somber which is interesting because this is most likely a mask he wears and this mask is a direct result of the adultification I talked about earlier. 

Ekko suffers from what a lot of black characters do which is that despite them going through the same or sometimes even more trauma then non black characters, their trauma is often overlooked or downplayed to be less then it is which is something that happens in IRL to black people all the time. Also this mischaracterization of Ekko extended to Shipping as well to where some people label him as an abuser towards Jinx which is ironic because he is one out of like 2 other characters that doesn't actively kill anyone and if anything he tries to avoid that as much as possible so I genuinely don't understand where this abuser assumption came from, is it because they genuinely Believe it or is it because they saw a black man being aggressive an automatically assumed he was the one in the wrong in the situation.

I got a little bit ranty there and I apologize but Ekko is my favorite character from the show and just fiction in general and I feel like he has so much to offer but he is seemingly being mistreated by other fans of the show and that just doesn't sit right with me. I just hope next season really gives him his time in the spotlight.

#timebomb #ekko arcane #arcane #ekko #ekko league of legends #its kinda funny that despite how much people analyze the characters in this show Ekko is often given a very surface level look #its also a bit eyebrow raising how the one prominent black boy in the show is labeled as an abuser by some fans #i just want Ekko to get more love in the community

[molinaesque]

On the topic of Raphael and him "being bad in bed".

Okay I'm only ever going to talk about this at length once and then never again. I've been avoiding talking about it until now because bringing it up always just seems to keep this topic in circles and it becomes an endless pit of nothing.

First of all, I know most of the time (like maybe 70% of the time) it's for the lolz. I get it. Hell, Raphael fans will be the FIRST to quip about this.

BUT

For those taking it seriously one way or another... It becomes such old hat VERY fast.

Those who use it as a jab towards Raphael havers are... Kinda dumb. Because it's like... Okay, and? You act as if somehow negates the entirety of his character somehow just because "HAR HAR HANDSOME DEVIL MAN IS BAD AT SEX" and it's so... vapid and boring? Also it seems a lot of people keep thinking "bad at sex" = JUST that he finishes too fast and nothing else but they seem to forget that the player character came up with that insult on the spot (rather than seeing it as a commentary about his pure selfishness and where it stems from). Haarlep is also a bias source. There's a semblance of resentment from them AND they're a damn incubus. EVERYONE'S terrible in bed in comparison (have you seen Tav? Little shit just lays there like a sack of potatoes during the Haarlep scene). This isn't me saying "Oh it means Raphael is terrific in bed because Haarlep's word cannot be trusted". HELL, no. Quite the opposite, actually. I'm saying "okay... What can I glean from that set of information?"

I feel like this goes for Raphael havers too who have this conversation. I feel like many tend to fall into this trap of odd desparity when they realise that "oh no our magnificent hot man is bad at sex" and somehow treat it as if it's forever a caveat and somehow negates the ENTIRETY of Raphael as a complex character. My first reaction when I got this information during House of Hope was laughing and then going "mmm that's so interesting and adds such a great layer to this already amazing character. Where else can I take this to". In fact, House of Hope as a quest does SO much in adding all these tidbits that make Raphael not just another boring, all knowing, god like, ineffible character. It made me love and appreciate his character even MORE. instead of going in circles and lamenting in how this is somehow "the worst thing ever", I think it's way more fun to explore it and delve into where the root of his narcissism and self esteem issues come from. The dichotomy and complexes of his character. There's SO much to talk about there and yet we're still just stuck on "haha devil man is a bottom and bad in bed" (which is another ridiculous thing btw because people seem to misconstrue bottoms as JUST being submissive. Y'all need to be more open minded 😂).

Apologies if this came off as ranty/condescending maybe. But it's coming from someone who's just minding her own business but have to see a variation of that line CONSTANTLY in the notes/tags on my art/gif posts and as I said... It gets so old REALLY fast. Like please be more imaginative than this, I beg of you. 😭

#bg3 raphael #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #I'm definitely missing on some thoughts here but I'm typing this while starving and tired #Aaaand I won't talk about it at length ever again because again #It's SO boring as a topic holy god #The dude is a goldmine of endless directions and topics and themes #We could talk about his childhood - his existential crisis of his upbringing and being half mortal and devil #We could talk about about his obsession with absolute control and freedom and power and want of that in the hells #We could talk about the myriads of ways he and Tav could continue their odd relationship if they went Team Raphael route #We could talk about his diaries #We could talk about his endless dichotomies and why it makes him such a well rounded character without giving away too much #We could talk about his obsession with the arts and literature and how much of a nerd he is for it #But no #All we talk about is his goddamn prowess in the bedroom... And that's a damn shame #Bg3 thoughts #There's the new goddamn Chains of Asmodeus out too... There's SO much we can talk a out concerning Raphael and all that new info #Come on now

[teddie-bear420]

tier list

OPINONS UNDER THE CUT

warning this is super long and ranty but does have some silly doodles ill post else where :)

-teddie bear 420

I have had several dreams about vaggie and lute and alastor, they plage my every waking moment. one was me going to smooch city with alastor (very scary that man does not wash his teeth). the others vaggie just shows up sometimes

really liked vaggie in her angel flash back, her hair cut was so cute, not a fan she still has pink eye but what eves. I LOVE HER PONY TAIL THO, give my girl better hair styles!!!

do you think theyve explored each others bodies?

I hated lute at first cuz, just look at her. you could get snow blindness with how white that woman is oh my lord. but once the 8th episode rolled around with hot women fighting my brain kinda clicked on for our old second in command. i keep going back to her in my brain and slowly morphing her into a heart broken lesbian who has a superiority complex and bullies her crush and then moves on to having a sugar mama situation ship with Lilith.

alastor is just so fun and silly, and there's this one x reader fic that ive made fan art of, you've all seen it. i just love this guy but i like to imagine he's a woman just for me :)

i understand why he is a fan favorite

i love charlies look but i hate how childish she is, like girl you are like 24 kill your friends pimp. nifty molly emily are all so cute and i enjoy looking at them. cant wait for the nifty episode (delusional)

i do love nifty more than the rest of these ones tho. i see lots of folks talking about how nifty is alastors daughter or angel dusts little baby daughter SHUT UP

SHES 25 YEARS OLD AND MURDERED HER HUSBAND IN HER SLEEP. NIFTY CALLED ALASTOR OVER TO HAVE THEIR LUNCH DATE AND HIDE THE BODY!!!

OK maybe nifty lives in my dreams too

do you think theyve explored each others bodies?

mimzy makes me mad cuz the show hated having her there clearly, like why is she the only fat person in hell. dont worry girl, I'll appreciate you once again i have to make alastor a dyke for my own sanity

do you think they-

lilith and rosie are good to look at, i like how rosie talks and her showtunes, god i love her show tunes. pentious is the only yellow dude in hell. velvete looks like ass most of the time but I LOVE A BAD BITCH

like i said, no strong feelings

ok most of these dudes are too ugly or too annoying and i hate when they are on screen, lucifers pants are his skin, angel dust has the worst fashoin sense ever UGHS I HATE HIM WHERE ARE HIS TITS WAAAAAA

also i love that her name is sarah, thats such a basic name, like i can type alastor x reader and theres a bunch of results but if i typed sarah x reader, shes no where :(

also shes got that mlp horse face going on i love it

i despise carmilla carmine, i hate her dumb horns, i hate her unnamed daughters, i hate her skirt, i hate her song, i hate her blazed ass eyes, i hate her long hair

vox just looks bad i cant lie

OK ADUM MAKES ME SO MAD HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN JACK BLACK WE SHOULD HAVE SEEN HIM BEING A FAT BASTARD CUZ I WAS CONVINCED HE WAS ANOTHER SKINNY TWINK also i am an anti shipper when it comes to adum x lute cuz that shit is weaaaak. he is so mean to her and not in a hot way, adum is some incel and lute is a goddess

yeah, #adumisoverparty 2024 the most divorced man in heaven

i can not wait for season two dude, im so pumped

#teddz stuff #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel critical #alastor #vaggie #nifty hazbin hotel #angel dust #hazbin hotel husk

[spangelmybeloved]

I swear if I hear one more time how Spike is somehow morally superior to Angel because he (Spike) got his soul voluntarily, I'm gonna...well, I'm going to get off the internet, take a shower, and go outside and touch the grass, but I should do that anyway and it's beside the point.

I have heard this take many times. It never fails to irritate me.

Spike was quite literally conditioned by the chip before he got his soul. He was away from other evil vampires (whereas Angelus was with Darla, Dru, and Spike who egged him on in his evilness) and was encouraged to be good by the Scoobies. And yes, he did get his soul voluntarily, whereas Angel(us) did not.

So what?

That doesn't make Angel a bad person. It doesn't give him any less chance to grow and learn and atone. If anything (and please bear in mind that this is not an anti-Spike post), it is more impressive that Angel, who was a big jerk as a human, and an evil bastard as a vampire, actually managed to be a good person as an ensouled vampire! We saw early on that Spike was capable of goodness even without a soul. Angelus isn't. And as we've seen in the Buffyverse many times, humans (who have souls!) can be the real monsters sometimes. Getting his soul didn't have to make Angel good. But it did.

sighs. Sorry if this is a bit ranty, and I hope it all makes sense and clarifies my position on this issue a bit more.

#angel btvs #pro angel btvs #btvs #buffyverse #buffy the vampire slayer #spike btvs #meta

[scruplescripture]

Do you have any lore on Nightmo? I just love that scrunkly edgy mcthingy so much ;^;

IN FACT I DO, I have two!

Read below since it’s a tad ranty ⬇️

My first thought went something like; “what if instead of a dream, the old man had a nightmare and that got projected instead of prismo”

So it goes like, prismo gets killed, and the old man goes back to sleep. But it’s a chance thing… especially if he saw something that would cause him to have a nightmare, like that whole Lich encounter but if it went differently.

Nightmo is just a flip of Prismo; needlessly cruel towards people who come to make a wish, that jazz. Sometimes I imagine he would trap people in the time room for his own enjoyment, and use that mind pwang ability to project nightmares into peoples heads while they’re sleeping. In this case prismo and nightmo wouldn’t know of each other’s existence unless told.

—

Another passing thought was: “what if prismo somehow got flipped over? What would be on the other side?? The answer is Nightmo”

I haven’t thought about this one much, but I’d imagine it’s a power thing. Such as Prismo is good cop and Nightmo is bad cop, but prismo overtook Nightmo in power and he’s stuck smushed on the back of the wall in a limbo thingy… you could imagine what scenarios that could lead to, I’d like to explore this one more

Just as a note anyone can use/pick from/change these ideas for their own thing, I just like to think about possibilities and go on rants…. Totally not throwing the idea of someone writing a fanfic based off it… I would never!

jake doodle for you guys for reading all that

#thanks for letting me go on a rant about that #I needed it out of my system

[dcconfessions]

timkon as a ship makes me horribly uncomfortable for reasons i cant exactly pinpoint. it's, in my opinion, a bad ship. they would never do well together romantically, it just doesnt *work.* i hate that bernard is getting dragged through the mud just because tim got paired with him instead of steph or kon. i hate how the people whosay he's a boring character are the same people who refuse to read tim drake: robin because of the art style. you cant expect to understand a character without reading the comics theyre in, are you serious right now. this is turning very ranty but in general i hate timkon shippers and i hate how they cant handle tim being in another ship. whatever though!

.

#dc confessions #asks #anon #c: bernard dowd #s: timkon #lmao

[kasumingo]

People who are like, get medicated, get therapy, get help, as if its the easiest most effective thing ever boggle the mind. Like i know they cannot know unless theyve been in the system for any length of time but theres so much to unpack here. Theres LAYERS

Theres the fact that everyone should be aware of by now, that its often expensive and inaccessible to many as well, but thats entry level shit. It goes deeper.

The fields of psychology and ESPECIALY psychiatry are steeped in stigma and dogma and straight up bad info. Everything is depression until proven otherwise. Gender stigma is very very real with autism and ad(h)d and so is actual genuine oppression that can come with those diagnoses and anything "more serious". God help you if youre diagnosed with or suspect cluster A or B personality disorders or ANY psychotic ones. I dont have firsthand experience but ive heard enough to know that often those with ASPD and schizoaffective/schizophrenic get treated as subhuman. Not to mention how severe antipsychotics are as medication, theres good reasons people often dont take theirs.

But even if youve got one of the "easy" disorders, guess what? "Success" is still not guaranteed. Figuring out medication and dosage can be a long and exhausting process, a lot of them have significant drawbacks and restrictions.

And cognitive behavioral therapy can also have negative effects! Especially if ur misdiagnosed! Or do it while youre still in survival mode! Or have alexythimia like myself! Its not an one size fits all cure.

People are so ready to condescend to the mentally ill and say stuff like "get therapy" as if its the holy grail of mental care without a trace of irony. People lapse treatment and lick their own wounds the best they can for so many reasons, A LOT OF THEM RELATING TO HOW SHIT AND INEFFECTIVE THERAPY CAN BE, and instead of that being the focus the talk about it is so often boiled down to them being lazy or incapable of taking care of themselves.

I know this couldve been its own post but honestly with you posting abt it i feel better giving this here directly. It got kind of ranty but just, people who use "get therapy" as the ultimate gotcha BOIL MY BLOOD.

People think that therapist, psychologists, psychiatrist and similar are these unquestioned authorities that always have your best interest in mind and have the answer for anything.

While the truth is that the psych field is filled with incompetent bigots either entering the field for the power trip or having an incredible biased and misguided point of view at best.

I don't personally have the experience with BPD or ASPD myself either, but it's not hard to imagine how they treat individuals they don't even consider people… that the majority of society don't consider ones either and doesn't care what happens to them.

AND YES GOD IT'S INFURIATING.

Especially since in many cases it doesn't come from genuine care, but as a dismissal and denial that many people ARE broken, weird, strange, peculiar, different but they do NOT need fixing, CAN'T be fixed and certainly don't owe strangers recovery.

Modern attitudes I'm seeing in online spaces are only setting mental health of the societies back years if not decades and leads to mental health of all involved unnecessarily dipping even further, only adding to what's happening in the world as a whole lately.

It's frustrating and I only can hope that my yelling in the void brings someone peace or makes rethinking the attitudes they've been carrying up until this point.

#stupidusernamepolicy #answer #thank you toni very based

[acertainmoshke]

A bit of a health rant (under the cut because it’s long and ranty not because it’s gross or anything):

So, some backstory. My Autism Thing is that I very rarely get thirsty unless it’s REALLY hot or I’ve been exercising a ton. Never really have. My parents used to remind me on a regular basis to drink water and I’ve still been chronically dehydrated my whole life. To the point that when I had suspected west Nile and went to the hospital, all freaked out and asking if my mystery virus was dangerous, the nurse said no but “the dehydration is.” I also suspect, though have limited evidence, that dehydration makes my dizzy spells worse.

I don’t know if it’s the hrt or a coincidence because it’s spring and getting warmer, but I think I’m more dehydrated lately. I’ve also been having issues with blood sugar because my antidepressants make me hungrier and I’m still trying to manage executive function enough to have a fourth meal after work.

All of this combines to make me annoyingly dizzy. Not enough to be nonfunctional but enough to struggle a bit and feel bad a lot of the time. A consistent 2 on my made-up scale where 0 is my baseline poor balance, 1 is noticeably dizzy without any actual consequences, 2 has consequences I can usually hide, 3-4 is dizzy enough to lie down and struggle with walking, and 5 is too dizzy to stand. And multiple spells every day when since moving climates it had been one every few days, and mild more often than not.

Usually I get the occasional level 1 spell at work which is annoying but fine. The problem with 2 is that it’s enough to bring on some brain fog and make my tongue clumsy (dizzy spells aren’t actually dizziness, but lack of coordination and balance which is almost the same thing). So I have to try to think in real time and speak clearly and hide that walking across the room takes focus and be a little in charge through all of that and I hate it. I don’t take my cane to work because I don’t need it 90% of the time and it seems silly even to have when I spend most of my day in one room.

I’m just so tired of feeling like this and one day I know I’m going to have one at a bad time and be late because I can’t drive. (Before moving states I more than once had to pull over on the way to school or work because my reactions got too slow to be safe).

#I feel so weird in spoonie communities sometimes #because I have a rare genetic disorder that makes me feel wretched and disables me #But doesn’t actually come with any pain #hate it anyway #like autism is a part of who I am including the sucky pets #parts #but ataxia I would like just to not be there #moshke writes #but not about writing #disability #spoonie

[cara-central]

Hakita yet again dropping a teaser for ultrakill making me want to get into game design despite the fact that indie game development is essentially a lottery. Not saying hakita doesn't deserve his success, he deserves way more. That's my point. Ultrakill is a game full of love and passion for the art form, and it's rare we get gems so passionate. The last game I've seen with this level of passion from an indie studio was disco Elysium, and even that game had it's authors stripped from it and is now a shell of what it was. Undertale before that which thankfully got all the love it deserves and more! But these cases happen maybe once or twice a year, despite it being statistically improbable that those are the only games with that level of quality and passion.

I remember when i first bought disco and ultrakill, they were on sale and I didn't think much of it. I'm sure this is how a lot of people got into these games, outside of word of mouth. Two games that have literally shifted the way I see art in games and disco especially how it changed my worldview to the point where if I ever get a tattoo it will be a quote from that game.

We always here of AAA success stories. Baldur's Gate 3, Tears of the Kingdom, God of War, all this games deserve that praise yes, but for 2 of those that praise was essentially guaranteed, and for Baldur's Gate it was the third installment of a niche but beloved series.

My point is I wish more people saw artistry in games nowadays instead of looking to live service dopamine drip feed games so that I could feel financially comfortable pursuing the field I love. Even with baldur's gate 3, you see a ton of reviews throwing out the entire game because it has turn based combat.

And lastly, if you haven't played ultrakill or disco, I highly suggest you check them out (disco has been robbed from it's originally developers so don't feel bad if you need to get it from... other sources, like a trans fitgirl)

This kinda turned into a ranty post when I only wanted to talk about ultrakill but meh, my blog my rules. I'll make a post about ultrakill when I can write smth up that I feel good with.

#ultrakill #disco elysium #gaming #god of war #totk #bg3

[borderline-culture-is]

TW: Vent

BPD culture is WHY DID I THINK I'D BE ENOUGH? Of course I fucking wouldn't be. What the fuck? My fp has a fucking boyfriend! Fucking fantastic!!!/s I'm aro, I don't have romantic feelings for them, I shouldn't be upset at all, but here we fucking are. They always try to make me feel safe, they wrote me fanfiction, they send me "I love you more" messages, and I get constant affection and I feel weirdly betrayed because what the fuck??? How? Why? I'm not that shocked because they are amazing and deserve the fucking world but also, they never brought that up. And I feel so fucking betrayed because I would slit my wrists for this person and they are the best fucking thing to ever happen to me and I thought it was mutual because I got so much affection and I thought they told me I'm their favourite(besides their sister and dogs) but now maybe my brain was just exaggerating and maybe they did but what the actual fuck?!?!?! Why is there a person more important than me again??? WHY ME AGAIN??? It's similar to the situation with my ex fp but now I actually get affection. But maybe it was all a fucking lie, not like I don't deserve it. It was just today that they completely freaked out when they thought I was mad at them and the message I got was so similar to the ones I would send but apparently everything was a fucking lie. I'm not the first choice again. But this time I actually believed wholeheartedly I was because I'm dumb as fuck. But no, it's okay, there's just someone higher up in the hierarchy. Fantastic. I thought I was the most important but of course I'm fucking not. Who's surprised. Me. Somehow. It was expected. I got told shit along the lines of "people sometimes feel like additions. Not you though" and apparently I wasn't the least additiony person. THEY SENT ME THEIR SCHEDULE WITH TIMES THEY COULD/COULDN'T TEXT BUT APPARENTLY I WAS NOT THE FIRST CHOICE. They texted me so much and always ended their day with sending me a goodnight message because we texted until they fell asleep. But maybe they stayed up to talk to their boyfriend after they were done with me. It would make sense. HOW DIDN'T THEY TELL ME THEY HAVE A BOYFRIEND??? Everybody I care about knows about them. But they couldn't tell me they had a fucking boyfriend??? They weren't even excited to talk about the guy at all but they felt excited to talk about their dogs a few weeks back(they said they weren't in a ranty mood today). I feel bad for hoping they don't actually care about their boyfriend, but I just want to be the most important. They said they have notifications for when I post. But apparently I'm not that important. I literally got a text that said "i would take all of you so that nobody else could have you, and would display your body on an altar so that people are forced to come and worship you like a god" but apparently they have a boyfriend. Great. Fantastic. And then we were sending each other the excited random letter thingy(ex. ofnsudjdyxjsnjscojc) while I was sobbing. And now I have to talk to them like they didn't just completely break my irrational as fuck heart. I have to act like seeing their notifications doesn't feel like being stabbed repeatedly because I was pathetic enough to believe I was important enough for them to be their favourite. It's okay, that's going to be fine/s(also I just noticed how I wrote some of the things they will probably keep doing in past tense and that felt like a punch in the gut)

-💜🥀🔪

.

#borderline culture is #borderline personality disorder #bpd #bpd culture is #bpd culture #bpd safe #actually borderline #actually bpd #fp #bpd fp #fp bpd #- 💜🥀🔪

[small-strong-bookish-butch]

I'm almost done reading The Handmaid's Tale, and I don't like it. I've never read it before, I know it's a classic, and I was intrigued enough to keep reading.

But.... God, where do I start? Ranty jumble below the cut.

Especially after Roe V. Wade got overturned, a lot of people were like "Ooooh, it's just like Handmaid's Tale!"

I Googled if Atwood is transphobic, and got mixed results.

Within the interview I read, she said she doesn't predict the future, she just reads a lot of history, which put a lot of the book into context....

I think, as someone who does not know a lot of history and isn't interested in history, a lot of the events in THT seemed to be just:

[Atwood in 1985 voice] "Ooooh, what if slavery [against Black people] in the U.S. happened to white women?"

The no-reading rule. Only used for their bodies. Punished by mutilating their hands and feet. Public lynchings, to put it bluntly. De-gendered (?) for 'running away.' All dressing the same. Not allowed to use their own names. Being sent to 'the Colony.' Being traded among men if they misbehaved.

There are probably many more examples I'm forgetting.

But what really got it for me was the mention of the "Underground FemaleRoad." Really?? You're going to basically name-drop the historical way that enslaved people could actually escape and give them and their allies no credit for any of it???

I know, I know, practically the definition of cultural appropriation is "a white person does something that POC have been doing for a while and doesn't credit them/takes it as their own invention", but like, seriously?!

She wrote this whole book about "oh no what if Bad Things happened to White women 😢😢😢" and didn't mention anything about like, slavery or colonization or imperialism or anything like this that's happened to people of color in history, let alone the US Slave Trade.

Uhhhhh what else....

A lot of the ways the book talked about sexuality and purity culture and Christianity felt very like.... a mix of dramatic irony, regular irony, and almost post-ironic?

Like, especially with the prayers— you could tell that the Aunts did mean it sincerely, but I couldn't tell how much Offred herself did (or would have) actually disagreed with the Biblical teachings if they hadn't been used to like..... oppress her into subservience or whatever.

(Like when she talked about how her mom was pro-choice and how she, as a teenager, was 'humiliated' by how her mom would like, go to pro-abortion protests and be proud of people's right to choose. My personal reading of it was that, had they not been in this new overdramatic apocalypse, Offred would still feel like that and not be pro-choice at all.)

I think I need to cite my sources on all that; like, most of the time, with how THT talked about [patriarchy, reproductive rights, 'women's' bodies, abortion, Bible verses, the paranoia of getting caught doing something wrong, etc.] I couldn't tell if the narrator was saying something ironically, or if it was meant to be taken ironically, or if it was supposed to be post-ironic, and we all— including the narrator— were supposed to understand that it had started ironically and had now evolved past that to mean something totally opposite its original meaning....

(Though honestly, I don't think the book or Atwood is smart enough to be as post-ironic as you'd think for most of it.)

The fucking. "Pen Is Envy." I wanted to scream. 'Aunt Lydia told us that. They were right. I see the pen and do feel envy" are you serious right now? Really?! Really. It's all so fucking absurd. To take Freud's words, who was well known as a pseudoscientist, and use it as a 'male privilege' analogy in the sense where it's logical??? Get real.

The Marthas were mentioned briefly as having brown skin, and I assumed, given the almost no context of any of it, that they're women of color who are like, housemaid slaves and aren't seen as good for anything else?

I don't remember any mentions about what happened to the men of color, anywhere.

Overall? I hated the book. I spent most of it waiting for it to get interesting, or even to feel like Offred gave any fucks about like, courage or anything meaningful (beyond surviving a room without a light fixture or whatever the fuck). I didn't like her as a character, I didn't think she was a useful narrator, I think there were whole swatches of things that were left out and unexplained, and the book doesn't make sense. Full stop. It doesn't make sense. I felt a sense of unease while reading.

Overall I interpreted the book to be very...... pro-gender- and biological essentialism and white supremacy and eugenics in a "white people can be the only people" kind of way, and I think Atwood's perspective is NOT well-clarified enough to be strongly against any of that in a way that is meaningful, let alone action-oriented.

#personal #the handmaid's tale #i have opinions #abortion #margaret atwood #reproductive rights #gender essentialism #biological essentialism #white supremacy #tw white supremacy

[some-pers0n]

Thoughts about Tamarin x Anemone?

Here my somewhat ranty thoughts and/or on it: I honestly dislike it. With one of the reasons being that scene in Talons of Power, Part one, Page 63. Because in that scene, when Darkstalker tells Anemone that Starflight would be reluctant to have a ‘cure’ for his disability, Anemone’s reaction was…this: ““Reluctant? Why?” Anemone demanded. “We can fix everybody now!””

Which may possibly imply that Anemone is ignorant to the fact that there are disabled dragons are hesitant to get rid of their disability, let alone don’t want to be ‘fixed’ of it. I may even go as far to say that she may possibly see disabled dragons as ‘broken’ because of their disability, and would be happier being ‘fixed’ from it, although I maybe going to far thinking that.

And the fact that Tui chose Anemone to have a crush on Anemone, actually wrote her to attempt to ‘cure’ her of her blindness, and mentioned them dating in the guide book - I think? - without anyone negativity pointing out Anemone’s viewpoints of disabled dragons as negative or even bad feels…quite icky to me.

Also, please note although while I am Neurodivergent, I’m not physically disabled, so please politely correct if I got or said anything wrong and/or incorrect about this. I’m also sorry if I overreacted about any content within this post as well.

Anyways, sorry for the long rant lol. So…yeah. Any thoughts about this and/or Tamarin x Anemone? Sorry if this posted disturbed you at all and feel free to process it as much as you need to.

Mate I don't even have anything to add. You just said everything I could've possibly said about them. Yeah. It's a ship that COULD'VE worked, but it's really awkward and the casual ableism written into it is. uh. not good.

#ask #wof