#This age shit is messing me up

[malt-rants-and-stuff]

Like two hours before my birthday and the existential dread is kicking in… what the fuck….

#Not cool man #malt rants #malt.txt #birthday stuff #idk if I’ll be active tomorrow but I’m going on a trip to celebrate for the next five days so uhhh #Yippee 🎉 #This age shit is messing me up #You’re telling me I am about to be the same exact person but fundamentally changed from who I was a year before? #Crazy.

[snurtle]

I've been thinking about the templars lately. they were promised honor, virtue, told that they would be charged with protection of the innocent... And then those same people are systemically exploited and abused, abuse others because they're taught to regard everyone else as either sheep who need to be lead or potential threats. Never equals, except in their brothers/sisters-in-arms. They act as the guard-dogs and military arm of an entirely different organization that they're only a functionary member of but have no governing say in. Even the chantry aren't their equals- they function as the templar order's supervisors! And all this isolation and closing of ranks ends in disability, addiction, death, and abandonment by the system they spent their bodies in service of.

To top that off, retaliations against them just confirm the paranoia they were taught to embrace. It's probably a long hard road to get out of that hole.

Like, listen. the dichotomy of mage vs templars is a satisfying and easy one, but the system is tearing them apart too. have you ever heard of a retired templar?

at the end of it, mages and templars need to unite against the real threat. the chantry.

#this is an anti chantry post i want that temple exploded NOW #the chantry controls the lyrium; benefits directly from the formari enchanter system; has a financial incentive to make and use tranquil #the templars are breaking themselves in service of a system that functionally does Not care about them in any way except #their ability to hold a sword and counteract fade magic and that messes me up #thedosians need a fucking cross-field labor union NOW #of course the kalna would probably send the carta after any potential organizations of that nature #and the coterie #cant kill em all though!!! #actually that would be a hilarious fic #dragon age #canon dont interact i dont pay attention to discrete facts here we operate on half remembered game knowledge and vibes #if there are any retired templars out there: uhh... enjoy that. happy for you king (alistair) #cullen rutherford fundamentally represents 'no retirement plans' for me #the man is fifteen chronic illnesses ptsd shit withdrawal and interpersonal abandonment in a trenchcoat with fur trim #text it #long tags

[astagsart]

——————————————————————————

A Night In 1979

A Morning In 1981

#this took me ages to do holy shit #and I still don’t like it #i messed up Whizzer’s face a little #but anyways #they’re at Trina’s in the first one but they have a house together in the second one #ask me about their living situations #i dare you #I’ve spent far too much time thinking about it #I’m pretty positive that nyc has small suburbs #whizzvin #marvin falsettos #the marvin trilogy #whizzer falsettos #whizzer brown #falsettos #falsettos fanart #fanart #my artwork #artists on tumblr

[sanest-bsd-delegate]

WAIT-

MY DUMB BRAIN CANT-

ATSUSHI IS 18 YEARS OLD (Naur why do people ship him with kids)

AKUTAGAWA IS 20 YEARS OLD (I thought he was 18 smthg)

DAZAI IS 22 YEARS OLD (And i thought he was a 25 year old man)

RANPO IS 26 YEARS OLD ( As they say, he is 26 with the 2 silent)

ANGO IS 26 YEARS OLD (wym he is going to have midlife crisis soon?)

Welp anyways.....

#bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd manga #bsd dazai #bungo stray dogs sigma #bungo stray dogs spoilers #bungou sd #bsd #bsd ages are just messed up fr #atsushi #akutagawa #dazai #ango #ranpo #bsd messed up my brain #bsd ages #omg i cant believe they even are this old #lmao #help i need sleep #bsd dead apple make me realise shit

[moinsbienquekaworu]

Housemate is letting one of her rabbits walk around at night again :/

#girl he's cute but that means i gotta leave the lights on #i can guess she's not asleep because there's light in her room and her smart tv was still pinging my phone with the casting notif #but like. you can let your own pet rabbit wander around the house with your door closed! #he's your bunny! you didn't say anything about it! #not even talking about the risk for the lil guy because this is in spirit a student house #like i'm the only full time student but we're all at that student-ish age and living consequently #by which i mean there's lots of crap on the ground that doesn't get cleaned often #the bunny is not safe walking around. he isn't. also i keep almost tripping on him #and it stresses me the fuck out personally to have to keep the lights turned on all night across the house #just because jasper's out and rabbits don't have night vision and i don't want him to be alone in the dark #but also there are for real screws on the floor of the bathroom just hanging out #like. this is not a house that is safe for rabbits to roam free around. it just isn't #and she's filled the only shelf in the bathroom with more hygiene products than anyone else #and and and and. she's a shit housemate i won't miss her when i leave to go back home #man i can't wait for the day i am not sharing living space with her. i like my other housemates! #mostly because they pick up after themselves #and they're aware that when they make a mess they have to take care of it afterwards #she just kinda does stuff and then doesn't think about it #if she lived on her own i would not give a shit but it's impacting my day-to-day life as well! #ARGH #anyway #wow i have a ramble tag now #england adventures

[julystruck]

Someone wrote this song before, and I could tell you where it's from

#spilled ink #evil lovecore #rose #bronze #pebbles #crystals #OK OK DIRECTORS COMMENTARY #yeah there's not a lot of colored lineart. I got lazy was mental illness got to me #Big thing ig is I gave rose sweet's shoes. bc. Symbolism. Also I was blanking on what to do #they r all wearing red and all the drinks are slightly red themed. bc. rose #Lightsource is also Behind Rose/coming From Rose. Bc Rose is the most important person in their life #I also think this is pre-static. Rose fucking w static kind of messed up their friendgroup a bit #Like tbh I think Rose was not above messing w humans (and pebs) and everyone kind of turned a blind eye bc they r all normal abt rose #but Static was the first guy Rose Lived With and that made is very in their face #also I think this is the first time i've drawn crystals #i KNOW he looks like static. I wanted to give him loser clothes #also in my heart when static first met Crystals they were like 'oh a Real Adult. He must have his shit together' #And kind of subconsciously modeled their appearance off crystal's #Not yet realizing that crystals was flop and everybody hated him #Stares at Crystals. Oh my god. pass on already. Static is around the same age as ur older adopted son. why are you so old #anyways I do think he (crystals) was VERY close to passing on when Sweet kilt him :P #thats all I have to say I think

[thedreadvampy]

wait no sorry one last quick immature bitch moment

the more I find out about how this person has behaved in both this relationship and a bunch of other relationships, the funnier it is how much they like to set themselves up as a like. authority on ethical nonmonogamy and consent and conflict management.

when like. they constantly sexually assault people to prove a point, pressure their partners into shit, got into enm by cheating on 3 people concurrently, and literally every time a problem in their orbit is brought up it gets explained away without anything actually changing, or they cry about how hard it is until everyone says OH NO IT'S FINE DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT

you know. very "call yourself a Community Organizer even though you're not on speaking terms with your roommates" energies.

#red said #I'm mad tbh i know in being bitchy but this blog is my safe space to be bitch on #and this shit has been building up for years. not even just in my relationship with their partner. since the first time i meet them #in like 2018 #and having this chat with my pal last night now I'm no longer second guessing myself bc of my relationship has uhhh Crystalised Some Things #especially getting some new context on where a lot of the tensions and sensitivities I've been aware of for ages are from #also tbh when we broke up my ex led off with 'i know you think this is about [partner] but it's not' and i was like. it is though. #it's not the only thing but it's been a common thread through every piece of tension in that relationship #not saying if the partner wasn't there we'd have been together forever. i don't think that's true and I'm glad things went the way they did. #cause w were good for each other and breaking up was also good for us #but their partner has really caused me so so so so so much turmoil for years and i haven't felt able to acknowledge that cause it makes me #feel like an asshole. but like. OK SO I'M AN ASSHOLE. I'M FUCKING MAD AT THEM. #they are manipulative and controlling and they treat their partner like shit and they have perpetually made my life worse #i like a lot of things about them and i do feel for them. we share a lot of similar issues and i do understand how they feel a lot. #but fuck me they treat everyone around them so badly and a good chunk of the reason i ended things with their partner #is that i was so fucking sick of being told i was wrong and just didn't understand how hard they had it whenever i brought up #one of the many many many shitty things they did to me or to our partner or to our friends. #multiple times i left a situation in a fully fucked up mess and my partner came to apologise for how their partner has behaved #and within minutes it would turn into them explaining to me how it wasn't really their fault and i shouldn't be so hard on them #and like fuck that. had enough of that in my life with my previous ex. #anyway. yeah. i am probably being more didactic and aggro here than i genuinely feel. but there's some room for that anger i think #and i did get some room for it to breathe last night and that's good and helpful.

[sschmendrick]

I kinda miss hanging out with old people. All my friends used to be old people.

But the older I grow, and the more I'm expected to behave well like a normal adult, the harder I find it to keep those links. I'm lost between trying to stick to a script I don't know the words of to have a proper normal and interesting relationship for them, and allowing myself to screw up a little, be boring, be interested in stuff they aren't, having opinions they don't agree with (for silly stuff like music, though yk me), not be cool. Cause the latter stresses me out. Cause I see no reason for people to want to be friends with me if not that.

#also defining your relationship to old people who already have a well established family is hard when growing up #cause they were just my friends at first #and they helped me find a safe space #and they were like a chosen family #and then their adopted daughter hated me cause they had a friend that was her age and it messed up with me #now i feel so stressed out about it. i feel so stressed that i am taking space i shouldn't. that i am making their other friends and #family that have been there for far longer uncomfortable with just my presence #and i know i was just a depressed teen and very sensitive to this shit and people keep saying that it reveals more about the other person #than you (as it's not the first time i was left to deal with people's opinion of me FOR THEM) #but it just felt like i wasn't allowed to express my discomfort and i just had to swallow the way their reaction to their emotions impacted #me and handle it on my own #and I think I'm still hurting from it #cause I got no support #i'm just asked to sit there and take it and act as if it meant nothing #...ngl saying it writing it stating it feels good because i've held onto that for years and years and I couldn't say it #i wasn't allowed to #even my psychiatrist (when I had one) told me it was nothing and to ignore it #I just wish people could say that yes it's not okay. that i'm allowed to feel how i feel. i wish people would recognize and understand #what i mean when i say that. #cause what is it worth when i'm the only one saying it to me and the only one agreeing that it's true #i hate that i need people to agree and make their agreement vocal to help heal that inner child that was always told to push it down #cause what else ? #sometimes I wish I could see young Leska cause I know I'd be among the only ones to give em a hug #I just want to take them in my arms and tell them that it'll get better. That we're not out yet we still need to fight but we will #eventually #hopefully

[quietwingsinthesky]

most frustrating part of writing a doctor who oc is that the doctor and the master will both sometimes just fuck off and do their own thing for a hundred years and be unfazed by it because they are functionally immortal. and i can’t stick my oc with them because they’ll just. die. so what, do i just put them in a pen until those guys get back? spruce up their enclosure while they’re waiting to get picked up to go on adventures again?

#yes yes the mortality of a companion against the doctor’s long life is part of the point its part of the tragedy but consider: i want them #to also be there so they can get into shenanigans. and not die of old age before im done letting them do shenanigans #look either i kick even out of the tardis every time these guys go do immortal shit or i find a was to Fix this problem and i dont really #know how to do either of these yet. ill figure it out #i *do* know that they’re not with missy while she’s setting up the cybermen plan over hundreds of years. maybe for brief moments when missy #wants an extra hand or eye candy or something else but mostly even’s stuck at the end feeling nauseous as missy goes about rewriting time to #make cyberzombies. not nauseous because of the cyberzombies. to be clear. they’ve just spent enough time fucking around with tardises and #time wars and the like that they’re a little sensitive to shit getting messed around with. tummyaches :( #id think a lot of companions get this eventually. i think the ponds definitely did. to me anyway. they should. #background tardis time vortex radiation idk how science works. but it gives even tummyaches. #i got distracted i was talking about mortality and how to prevent them dying too soon. #mostly even’s there to run the ‘business’ while missy’s away. they’re very good at being given a Job. #and this job is supposed to fix everything forever once they get the doctor onboard. it doesn’t. but even thinks it will. which is what #matters in the end. #dw oc

[xxcherrycherixx]

I want to let you all know that out of nowhere i just remembered stardew valley and i remembered i would always play with that expansion mod so i could marry olivia everytime

Thats right i made sure to always marry the rich older milf who called me sweetie.

The signs were always there, i was just fucking blind i guess

#love when these fucking things hit me out of nowhere #i was so fucking obvious and i had no idea #i use to age up characters i like to be attractive older women #i cant brlieve this #i use to say ‘oh i dont have a type’ bitch the fuck was i talking about? my ass definitely had a type #im such a mess i cant belive this shit

[recents]

nothing of note in this post dont read the tags

#‘i remember your touch like it was yesterday’ no waaaay you gave off noooo signs of being down so bad all the time #hawke absolutely could not tell when you started saying shit like ‘i enjoy following you’ in that manner anytime anywhere #you were not radiating horniness that you were repressing out of fear of messing things up #absolutely not like a shivering chihuahua at all THREE YEARS? THREE YEARS. PENT UP #you made that rotting mansion your hawke memory goon cave. just insane i knew it. you latch on. youre obsessive. #I KNOW. WHAT YOU ARE. TRUST ME. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE #<- letter to fenris dragon age from me #. #datag

[the-kipsabian]

.

#death // #really tho just. losing two family members within a week from one another is. really rough #even if it is from natural causes and old age it still feels very sudden #and even if we werent that close it still hurts #little things remind me of the grandparents i dont have anymore. like making dinner and realizing im not eating their cooking again #or my grandmas favorite songs. its just. rough #im just thinking a lot. and not looking forward to two funerals within the next few weeks #just.. yeah. i feel kinda fucked up on the inside. more so than usually but for once not cause of myself #its. odd to me. grief hasnt really been constant in my life in years. apart from losing my brothers cat few years ago #before that i lost my other grandma like eleven years ago. since then immediate family has been okay #its just weird. i dont really know how to grief. it comes in waves and odd memories and it feels really.. idk. off to me #ive had few crying fits over some random things but i just feel. numb. maybe its cause of the sudden frequency of these #or cause i dont know how to deal. its strange to me. feels out of place to mourn something other than what i made myself lost #maybe its cause while there was a connection there was a larger disconnection. i havent seen either of them since covid started #idk. regrets and shit and whatnot. i just feel all but nothing at the same time #just. just saying. idk. just wanna clean my brain a little. its been a difficult day. sorry #night is an absolute mess on main

[klonoadoortophantomile]

i need to stop making joke ocs cuz i just end up getting way too attached to them

#anyways. weird style experiment and by that i mean trying to do shit the way i would ages ago while also trying to copy other ppls process #that doesnt make sense but trust me it does <3 #im listneing to the fucking dtp ost rn but my headphones are being weird and not outputting audio properly aznd the windmill song sounds SO #fucked its really funny. i could just try to fix the issue but i think its silly so idc #scribbles #ocposting #osc #yes thats a weezer pinkerton cd. like i said joke oc. #(this isnt drawn entirely accurate so it doesnt look that much like an actual cd case but shut up i was toolazy to find a ref #hmm the more i look at this the more mistakes i see in it but oh well. the drawing is done i dont wanna mess with it anymore #(also hi i wrote most of this earlier today (thats also when i . drew this lmao) #but i didnt get motivation to write the ID until now. i didnt plan to weezer post so much today #im so sorry (not really /silly

[daddy-ul]

I know I'm not posting much lately but I started a new job and--yeah

And it's not that I don't think abt Metallica, it's more like that my thoughts go like

"king nothing > memory. Which is not a unpopular opinion, per se, but like. Memory won the continuity live war till 2023. What a world we live in"

And

"WELCOME TO THIS LIFE

BORN INTO THE FIGHT

HERE TO CLAIM YOUR DREAM

Dreams..... No?

Dream SIGULAR. I forgot that it was singular, I sang it plural, here to claim your dreams. Usually in English don't you say "claim your dreamS"? Ohhhhhh, but it's singular bc for james it can't be anything else.

>>>>>'there was no plan b. Plan b, c, d was making plan a work'

This is autobiographical as UN1, which also starts with birth seen as something immediately difficult. But screaming Suicide is more Abt yourself -you, your voice- and something external giving you a hand; while UN1 is others, what others do to you-- till it transforms you"

#metallica #song related #screaming suicide #the unforgiven i #un1 #james hetfield #(d)jinn all'opera #my mind is a bit of a mess lately #i am currently teaching english to 3-5 yo and let me tell you-- it's wrecking my nerves snskskskssk #not the kids. it's not easy but they are full of love #no it's that i am not qualified to do it. i know jack shit abt pedagogy and ive never worked with kids of that age. and #it's a super posh kindergarden???? amd every week i have to do 3 different project that i came up with BY MYSELF????? #snksksks so yeah. i spend most of my energy burning anxiety and bicycling djdjdkjddj bc it's far away #i am a mess. i listen to tallica to decompress and my mind is dumb #and obsess over singular vs plural #like. i know there is nothing connecting un1 and ss together #ss is connected to cyanide. duh! and i'll get to that one day bc its BEAUTIFUL #but i am tired and idk what im saying anymore. is this a post? #so so messy #jinn out

[robinsnest2111]

Once again wishing I could travel back in time and take care of the messy and ultra depressed train wreck of a teen I was 15 years ago omg.....

#i was SUCH a mess. still didn't deserve the brutal beatings and other punishments tho #idk how i even survived all that shit omg..... #wanna go back in time and give that lil guy the tightest hug ever and never ever let him go 😭 #i still remember how at that age i used to wish i'd be able to split myself in two so i'd have someone to hold me and comfort me... #really in my feels tonight as well. so many repressed memory fragments coming back up aughh

[homeless202]

the first time EY "stole" those headphones, the shop owner didn't have any proof it was him. despite this, he insisted on calling his dad, proposed to call the cops, and showed very little sympathy for a child literally getting beaten up by their father right in front of him.

-> why?

he felt disrespected bc of how EY talked to him. it stopped being abt the headphones before his dad even arrived. he just wanted to see the kid who disrespected him shut up, apologize, and admit he was wrong. especially considering how many people were watching and talking abt their argument -> gotta save face and restore your credibility & pride.

this is why, in a way, his dad wasn't wrong to tell him to apologize bc he knew that's what the shop owner wanted to hear. sometimes, the quickest way to solve the issue is to give the person what they want (in this case, an apology) and walk away.

#this fragile pride and entitlement to respect that (especially old) people feel drives. me. cRaZy. #people who spiral and feel threatened the moment they lose the upper hand or aren't treated the way they think they should be. #i remember the shit i got from my dad bc an older distant relative i never see told him i didn't tell her 'good morning' when i woke up #like bro if that's the type of shit that gets u upset u've got bigger problems than my Not Awake Ass telling u hi in the morning #it's the power trip. it's the need to gain back control when someone's words or behavior don't match the norm & therefore your expectations #<- most humans living in a society will freak out when you don't follow the social script or when the clean-cut label boxes get messed with #the panic your poor pride suffers when reality doesn't fit your personal world view and you have to admit u were wrong. #the entitlement tho...that shit kills me. i don't care abt ur age or achievements or status etc. -> respect needs to be <earned> #i want to see you do sth worthy of my respect. good luck🫡 #<- summarized: i hate boomers (and entitled old ppl in general) #i'm writing this at 3am i'm sry for rambling #no home #no home manhwa #집이 없어 #webtoon #eunyung baek #meta #stealing arc #details #multipart #!! i'm not defending his dad !! <- fuck that guy. i'm just pointing out that his logic wasn't wrong given the situation #even if he had different intentions when he said it