#There's a bunch of films and series and I lack the patience for films and series most of the time

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - Short Cuts

So the reviews for Rapunzel’s Return are taking longer then expected and due to real life complications I’ve now fallen behind in my intended schedule. So in order to catch up, I’ll be doing a series of rapid-fire mini reviews of all the official shorts that the series released in addition to the usual reviews. 

Summary: Ten shorts were released throughout the three seasons of the show detailing Rapunzel’s misadventures in Corona. 

 Check Mate

Pascal tries to get Max to play chess with him, but the horse is too busy with guard duty to play. Pascal’s antics wind up causing a fire and Max must save him. 

This short, plus the later Unicorn-y short, and the episode Pascal’s Story pretty much confirms that chess is pascal’s favorite game. Shame that’s the only idiosyncrasy that the series gives besides being the conscious of the group that sometimes gives the other characters guilty looks.  

I said it before and I’ll say again, the animal sidekicks in the franchise don’t have enough personality to carry whole episodes by themselves, but shorts like this are ok and where things like this should have stayed.   

Prison Bake

Attila recounts how he used his baking skills to break his fellow pub thugs out of prison back before they met Rapunzel. 

This just raises so many questions. Why were they arrested? What was their punishment besides jail? Why weren’t they just re-arrested later after escaping? If they were all wanted criminals before meeting Raps then why did they try to call the guards during the movie to collect the reward money on Eugene’s head? Do we really think “crack-down on crime” Frederic would pardon them before Rapunzel’s return? How do we know they weren’t just framed given how shitty Corona’s legal system is? 

Like I just need a tiny bit more context show. Two to three minutes isn’t really long enough to set up conflicts. These shorts should have been more like five or six minutes really. 

Also Ludwig the Castle Cook is also just wasted. They built a model for him and hired a VA and everything and all he does is appear in this one short and nothing else. Like I think he makes a non-speaking cameo in The Alchemist Returns or something, but that’s it. It’s a clear mismanagement of resources.  

Make Me Smile

Rapunzel tries unsuccessfully to make Old Lady Crowley smile, but it’s not until she holds an honest conversation with the woman does she find a solution. 

This is best short out of the bunch, and not just cause it stars the great Pat Carol either. 

This is how Rapunzel should have been handled in the main series proper. Which is why I screen-grabbed this whole convo. It’s perfect. 

Rapunzel spent 18 years lock in a tower. Of course she doesn’t understand different perspectives from her own cause her development has been stunted. She’s compassionate but lacks empathy. So she has a hard time connecting with others, but once she slows down an actually takes the time to listen to people she is capable of learning. 

We needed more of this; just on a larger scale. Have Raps make mistakes, have people be annoyed with her or right angry when she messes up, and then have her learn. 

Why the series thought it was a good idea to have everyone kiss her royal arse instead while she dug in her heels and consendinly took charge of everything even while still screwing up, I’ll never know. 

Hare Peace

Feldspar asks Rapunzel to take care of his “precious”. Rapunzel thinks he means a pet rabbit, and is run ragged trying to keep up with it, but it turns out he was talking about his prized cabbage instead. 

These shorts overall work a lot better than the main show. They know what they are and don’t try to be anything else. Therefore they deliver what is promised competently. They’re nothing amazing nor groundbreaking and in truth I wouldn’t want a whole series of them, but I get the feeling this is what the head executives at Disney were expecting when they signed off on the show and not whatever mess the main series turned out to be. 

Night Bite

Rapunzel, Eugene, and the animals are out camping for the night and Max gets irritated by all the bugs. 

What doesn’t work so well is the placement of some of the shorts. This particular short aired during season two and indeed that would make sense given that they are camping out here. Which why would they do that if they were still in Corona... 

Yet some of the later shorts, which also aired during season two, clearly do take place in Corona debunking that theory. Just some context would be nice show, that’s all. 

Also this short is meh.. not bad, not, good, just there.  

Hiccup Fever

Rapunzel gets the hiccups and everyone in Corona seems to have advice on how to get rid of them, but only Eugene has the solution. 

I’d argue that this is the funniest of the shorts. I legit laughed out loud at some points which is rare. 

However it does sadly prove on thing. 

Rapunzel was always a shit girlfriend, even before season three. 

Being a douche to your boyfriend isn’t funny show. 

Snowball

Rapunzel and Pascal plan to have some fun in the snow and things go awry.   

So where and when is this exactly?

Unlike the other shorts, the context and setting for this one is paramount to whether or not Rapunzel is a simply lazy or a an outright dick. 

For you see, Rapunzel had never been outside in the show before Queen for a Day. Ergo, this can only take place during the latter half of season one or during season two. 

Now season two makes a lot of sense. They’re at some cabin in the woods that was never mentioned are seen on screen before and this did air during season two anyways. If that is the case then Raps just avoiding her planned road trip like always. 

However, the last short and the next two also aired during season two and all of those do take place in Corona during season one and even the wiki states that they were all meant to take place during season one in original concept. 

Yet if that is the case then Rapunzel is ignoring Varian right now and playing around in the thing that almost killed him... 

Oh and that still doesn’t explain where this cabin is. Is it the mountain retreat that the King and Queen were going to spend their anniversary at? 

What’s really mind boggling though is that they made this short in order to reuse the character models from Queen for a Day in order to save money, but then went and built this whole set that’s never seen outside of this short. 

Like seriously who was on charge of the budget decisions in the series? 

Hairdon't

Rapunzel offers to cut Eugene’s hair but then messes it up. She spends all day trying to stop Eugene from seeing his new do, but turns out the hairstyle becomes a hit with the Corona townspeople. 

Rapunzel seriously lucked out here and it borderlines on the main series style levels of BS. She asks Eugene not to get upset before he sees what she’s done and, guess what, he is rightly upset. 

Honestly the series needed to let Eugene get angry at Rapunzel for stuff. That’s what happens in relationships, you will make your partner mad at times and that’s ok. It’s all about how both of you handle that. 

We never get to see how Eugene and Rapunzel would handle a real ordinary conflict and not just magic/ex girlfriend shenanigans that don't end with them putting off talking about it. 

Even their best episodes in season two still are over conflicts that don’t have any immediate impact on their lives and are mostly hypotheticals to them, like kids or how other people should approach dating. And of course by season three Eugene is just reduced to a doormat. 

Unicorn-y

Rapunzel tries to help Vladimir find his missing prized unicorn figurine in this spoof of old detective movies. Turns out Max and Pascal had found it and were using it to play chess. 

Ok, first off, Eugene has the patience of a saint and deserves so much better than Raps and her bullcrap here. Same goes for Lance who is tied up as well during this scene. 

But also this is another short that needed to be more than three mins long. The “mystery” is over before it even starts and the film noir parody only barely has time register in the viewer’s mind and then it’s over with. 

Shorty’s Theme Song Takeover! 

The last of the shorts aired after the show had ended as part of the Disney Channel’s on going promotional gimmick “Theme Song Takeover!” 

Shorty finds Rapunzel’s journal and sings his own version of the show’s theme song, “Wind in my Beard”. 

It’s ok. 

All of Disney’s animated shows for the 2019/2020 line up has done one and some are funnier than than this and others not so. The Shorty one is pretty middle ground but what makes it work is that Rapunzel is completely oblivious to what’s going on and only Shorty, always the anomaly of the series, can perceive the fourth wall. Thus proving he was never really human. 

As for placement, we know it’s season three cause of Rapunzel’s dress and they’re mostly likely inside the Snuggly Duckling right now. So just slot it in wherever you see fit. 

Conclusion 

That’s it for the shorts. The rest of Rapunzel’s Return should be up later this week and then hopefully I’ll be all caught up in time to cover the next episode next week. 

#tangled #tangled the series #rapunzles tangled adventure #short cuts #anti-rapunzel #anti-tangled

[imaginethebeautifulworld]

could i get axis, allies, spain, romano, prussia, canada & hong kong finding out their best friend is ace? this might be a weird request but my dad didnt take it well when i came out earlier tonught and its ok if you dont want to write this one

Updated because I forgot Toni! D:

America:

Alfred lets out a single, surprised "Dude." He then gives you the biggest, brightest smile you have ever seen, warming you from the inside out. "That is so cool!" He has questions, of course, most of them revolving around "How did you find out?" and "Wait, are you telling me you don't think Chris Evans is hot?" Overall, he is a big ball of positivity, though he's much more serious when asking if you wanted to meet up with the local PFLAG sometime. He often attends meetings anyway; there's usually free food, and he's heard some really awesome presentations. Overall though, he is your biggest, most enthusiastic ally, in this and every adventure you two have ahead.

Canada:

Matthew doesn't really have time to process your words, whispered in a sudden rush just as the opening credits for the film were starting, but then he catches on. He quickly shoves aside his surprise at not realizing before; he wants to take the remote from you, barricaded as it is within the depths of your blanket fort, but you have a firm grip on it, gaze riveted to the television. He takes a moment to study your tense frame, notices how nervous you were to tell him. With a soft sigh of fond exasperation, he slides closer to you, lightly elbowing you in the side. When he knows he's caught your attention, he offers a wide smile, a silent affirmation that has you dropping your head into his chest in relief, a soft: "Thanks, Mattie," escaping in a contented hum.

China:

Yao is- in a word- confused. In some ways, he is very much the old man he pretends not to be, and his lack of knowledge about queer history is an indicator of that. At first, he would ask if you meant to become a monk; is this some form of abstinence? When did you decide this? Were you vegan, too? It would take patience to explain it to him in full, and there will be some slip-ups. But he absolutely adores you; with a little time, a lot of patience, and maybe a few conveniently misplaced books, he'll understand. And even in that time before- He's always going to be there for you.

England:

Arthur is surprised. Sometimes your jokes are dirtier than his, and Lord knows you have an eye for attractive people. But thinking back, he's never seen you hold more than a passing fancy in anyone, and every date you were on never lasted longer than a few hours. He can tell you're nervous about having told him, anxiously turning away from him to put all your energy into glaring at the canal water. Gently, he steps closer to you, placing a hand on your shoulder, the acceptance in his gestures. He doesn't bother with words; your sigh of relief is confirmation enough that he doesn't need any anyway.

France:

Francis is flattered that you're confiding in him, and he offers immediate, enthusiastic support. He's touched that you trusted him enough to tell him. He's had several partners in the past who have also fallen on the spectrum, and it made him perhaps one of the more understanding nations. He would ask you if there was anything he could do to support you further, and thanks you for telling him. No matter what, he will always love you for who you are, and treasures your friendship just as much as before. 

Germany:

Ludvig was startled when you flopped onto the couch beside him, top of your head just missing his thigh, your admission groaned in a series of hypothetical questions that were all too pointed to be anything but truthful. Gently closing his book to set it aside, he placed his hand on your back, lightly brushing it back-and-forth in what he hoped to be a comforting gesture. He wasn't really surprised; seeing your interactions with others all hinted at it. But, he could tell it was bothering you and makes certain to reassure you, a firm, unwavering presence always by your side.

Hong Kong:

Leon has suspected for a while now. It wasn't necessarily clear from your words or your mannerisms, but there was just something about your vibe that gave him hints. When you brought up the courage to confide in him, confirming his suspicions, he feels an overwhelming sense of humility. He thanks you for confiding in him, fully aware of how hard coming out can be. While he may not personally understand it, he easily accepts it as just another part of who you are. And in his opinion? You're always gonna be a badass, and he has a dozen more pranks he wants to play with you.

Japan:

Kiku is a bit relieved, truth be told. He tries not to show how happy he is to have one of his closest friends also fall on the spectrum, instead focusing that energy into a smile of gratitude, thanking you for telling him. He has never really felt the need to come out himself, having long ago just accepted it as part of who he is. He can't really repress his contentment as you turn back to your otome game, your eyes furrowed in concentration. He makes a note to subtly recommend some ace-positive manga to you, knowing that even a little representation can be a constant reassurance.

Prussia:

Gilbert is honestly confused at first; what on earth is that? He's familiar enough with the meanings for LGBT, but he hasn't heard the term "asexual" before. He's quick to reassure you that he's not trying to be a dick; he's genuinely confused. As you start to explain, he feels his confusion morph into surprise and a bit of relief. He didn't realize there was actually a word for how he felt, let alone a whole community. He gives you a smile, declares that you're still awesome enough to be graced with the honour of his presence before he resumes his game, mentally making a note to do more research on his own.

Romano:

Lovino is... To be honest, he's torn. He's long ago familiarized him with a bunch of orientations- between Felice and Cello he really didn't have much choice in the matter- but oddly enough asexuality hadn't been one of them. The concept is kind of hard to wrap his head around. You aren't interested in sex? Are you serious? He doesn't get it, not really. But, he knows how hard it can be to be open with others, and he appreciates how much you trust him enough to confide in him. He takes your hand across the table- nearly spilling your drinks in the process- and assures you that he's always got your back, no matter what.

Russia:

Ivan is wholeheartedly supportive, taking you mildly by surprise. You had expected him to be a little leery of the concept, perhaps even opposed to it. He won't lie; he's kind of hurt at the assumption and is quick to reassure you that nothing comes in the way of how much he loves you. You're his friend- his closest confidant- and all he cares about is knowing that you're happy and safe, that helping you embrace who you are to feel comfortable in your own skin is his top priority. If there is any sort of fallback to fear, it's his threat to expect an increase of illegal memes, all of them based on ace puns and pride.

Spain:

Antonio is very nonchalant about the whole situation. He takes it in stride as easily as if you were to say it was going to partially cloudy tomorrow, never ceasing the swinging of your hands as you continue wandering the Gothic Quarter. He is very casual with his questions: How long have you known? Have you told anyone else? Upon confirmation to these and the dozen or so other questions he has for you, he simply gives your hand a small squeeze, twirling you as soon as there's enough space in the alley. He wants to make sure you feel comfortable around him, and it's his small way of assuring you that you can always tell him anything.

Veneziano:

Feliciano starts to panic, just a little. Had he overstepped your boundaries? Had he ever made you uncomfortable? You're quick to reassure him, his worrying ironically making the conversation a lot easier. He has dozens of questions for you- all of them revolving more about the specifics. Are you still interested in romance? Are you under the general ace umbrella, or were you possible demi or grey? Did you want him to cancel the blind date he set up for you? If anything, Feli is immediately invested, only wanting to make sure that you always felt loved and safe with him, and promising that you can always tell him anything.

Anon,

I'm sorry it didn't go well with your dad. I know from firsthand experience how hard it can be to come out to someone, and unfortunately, I also know how much it hurts not finding the love and acceptance you had been hoping for.

Please know that you are always accepted for who you are here. My inbox is always open if you ever want to talk, and my ask is always open in case you would prefer to remain anonymous.

Please take care, Lovely. Don't lose hope. <3

#asexuality #platonic #america x reader #canada x reader #china x reader #england x reader #france x reader #germany x reader #japan x reader #prussia x reader #hong kong x reader #romano x reader #russia x reader #veneziano x reader #though none of these are technically x readers sooo #this was actually kind of liberating to write #anon i hope these helped #all of the boys would gladly support you and i am hopeful that your dad will come around too #there are a lot of us out here and sincerely if you ever need to vent or have questions or anything i am here to listen #aph imagine #imagine aph #aph imagines #imagine hetalia #hetalia imagine #hetalia imagines #asexual reader #hetalia headcanons #aph headcanons #anon asks #spain x reader

[copperhawks]

Dee’s asleep and not checking this blog much anymore so Imma write another essay cuz I wanna and I’m so excited for the next chapter of The Lost Mage, maybe she’ll backread through this during the next hiatus lol.

Anyway. To no one’s surprise, I also absolutely adore The Lord of the Rings series. I’m sure a lot of Pierce fans are probably simultaneously Lord of the Rings fans, they’re similar genres after all.

My favorite character was always Faramir. In both books and movies, Faramir was my boy. I didn’t care about Legolas much, the pretty boy of so many a young girl’s eye, or Aragorn, the gritty honorable hero who also caught many a young girl’s eye.

In the books, Faramir is flawless, practically. He is another Aragorn, in many ways, though perhaps just SLIGHTLY more scholarly. Both of them don’t want to really fight or lead but take on these roles because it is necessary and it’s what’s best for their people. They both are very grounded in terms of who they are, neither of them thinks themselves above anyone else, they don’t really seek power ever. This is why neither Aragorn nor Faramir is truly ever tempted by the Ring in the books, at all. Faramir is patient and kind and compassionate and has a very quiet sort of strength that hides in darkness until someone shines a light on it. He is the opposite of his brother, a foil to him the way Aragorn is, just slightly less flashy than Aragorn tends to be.

In the films, Faramir ends up somewhere in-between his brother and his king. He IS still tempted by the Ring, for similar reasons to Boromir, but he is able to eventually fight off the temptation and let Frodo go. He has flaws, he has insecurities that nearly cause his ruin, but he has a strength that allows him to overcome them. He still has that compassion and the patience from the books, though it’s shown less simply due to a lack of time, but it’s there. And he has his quiet strength still, too. He’s not flashy, he’s not seeking glory ever. Most of the time, what he’s seeking is acceptance, love.

You’d be forgiven for thinking that this lil mini essay is going to be about which of the Lost Mage’s characters reminds me most of Faramir. And you’d be forgiven for being surprised that this essay actually starts with his brother.

So let’s talk about Don.

Poor Don. Poor irresponsible, jealous, weak Don.

Don the Deadbeat, Don the Defective, Don the Deficient, Don the Discriminatory.

If you’re been in the Lord of the Rings fandom for any significant length of time, you’ve probably seen and read at least one essay about why Boromir is not a villain. Why his failure to resist the Ring is not a sign of irredeemable weakness. Why he was actually the most relatable character of all of them, aside from perhaps Sam.

If The Lost Mage were Lord of the Rings, Don would probably be seen as a villain, too. At least, for a while.

Boromir fails a lot, too, but this doesn’t mean he doesn’t TRY to do good. He tries to protect Faramir from his father. And fails. He tries to save Merry and Pippin from the orcs and dies for it. And still fails. He tries to resist the Ring and protect Frodo as best he can. And he fails.

But he’s trying, above everything else, to protect his people, to be a good leader, to do what he believes needs to be done to defeat the darkness in the world. And he is led astray, yes, but not out of personal desire for power ever. He’s trying his best to accomplish multiple tasks and please multiple people in a situation where not everyone can be appeased. Boromir wants to help, but feels as though his contributions and opinions are being brushed aside unfairly. The people he came all this way to try to protect are being dismissed as unworthy and untrustworthy, despite everything he has seen them do to keep the darkness at bay and away from the rest of the world. Boromir has had to lead his people to their deaths too many times to not take this personally.

Boromir fails. But his death provides an example of honor and leadership that Aragorn ends up following later on. Boromir’s sacrifice does not end up being in vain at all, as both Merry and Pippin live on and are rescued and are instrumental in helping defeat Sauron. Pippin in particular in instrumental in protecting Boromir’s own brother. And Aragorn goes on to take up the mantle of King, leading the kingdom of Gondor and Men in general into a new age of peace and prosperity. Boromir fails.

But he succeeds, too. 

King Donatien is fighting similar darkness. Both internal and external.

Don is, at heart, a good man. A kind man. A man who wants little else but to make life better for his people, human and animal. A man who will take in injured otters who won’t survive in the wild, a man who sees his mother murdered in front of him and has to find a way to move forward after that while answering calls for vengeance from everyone around him. A man whose personal beliefs are now at war with the needs of the nobility which are at war with the needs of the common people. Don needed to appease the nobility whose families were being massacred one by one but in doing so managed to unravel the only way of life many common people knew.

Don fails.

But does this make him a villain?

No, of course not.

Don was an 18 year old placed in a position of leadership during a time of crisis and who had much of his support slowly whittled away, placing him at the mercy of his own personal One Ring of Power.

Could Don have been a good leader in other circumstances? Maybe. Probably, even. Don would have been an excellent peace-time leader. He could even have been a decent leader during a crisis had the crisis not included a bunch of people working to chip away at any support he might have and tear down his mental stability.

Sadly, that’s not the circumstances we find Don in. The circumstances Don finds himself in put him in a position of always having to fail someone. Whether it’s Sav, the mages, the nobility, or even his own cats. Don fails.

But this arguably makes him one of the most relatable characters in the whole story. Because a lot of us can probably empathize with that feeling of having way too much responsibility thrown on you in the middle of a major crisis and just wanting to put your head down and sleep for a few months but being unable to.

Numair is, arguably, our Aragorn. He has flaws, yes. But he is the epitome of goodness so far. He’s the one who’s got things together the most, the most stable of the main characters, the kind and compassionate and patient hero who is there to support everyone else as they stumble and fall. He is big and flashy and powerful and capable. He is quite the opposite of Don in so many ways. But Numair, like Aragorn, is able to recognize that just because someone seems to be nothing but a failure doesn’t mean they aren’t TRYING to be better and doesn’t mean they don’t just need a little help.

Daine, I think, would be the Faramir. Sav’s too flashy for Faramir, I’m not sure where he’d be placed on the Lord of the Rings spectrum of heroic characters here. Maybe Sav’s Legolas. Or Eowyn. Oh gosh Sav’s Eowyn isn’t he. Regardless, Daine is our Faramir. Quietly strong, compassionate, somewhat broken down, loving, caring, patient and understanding. Someone who doesn’t really fall to temptation, either, and is able to fight through the darkness for someone else’s sake, no matter how far into the dark she is herself. Someone who refuses to lose belief in anyone, but won’t stand by and let bad things happen, either.

Don is TRYING, we’ve seen that. He’s not a villain. He’s perceptive and can be kind and compassionate in the right moments. He falls victim to certain vices and is incapable of pleasing everyone who wants something from him. But he’s trying. So so hard. He’s trying to let go of the man he loves and let him be happy with someone else. He’s trying to keep the peace between the nobility and the commoners, as impossible as they are making it. He is TRYING to work past his own trauma surrounding magic for the sake of his own people. He is trying. And that’s important. That’s SO important.

Don is perhaps not my favorite character. Boromir wasn’t, either, still isn’t. I’m a Faramir girl through and through, that’s just part of who I am at this point.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not ROOTING for Don. I want Don to get better, to BE better, because we’ve seen glimpses of the kind of man he can be, the kind of leader he can be. Don can be exceptional. Don can be inspirational.

Don the Dauntless. Don the Dedicated. Don the Dependable.

#tamora pierce #tortall #the immortals #the immortals quartet #daine au lb #king donatien

[buzzdixonwriter]

A Long But Not Pointless Ramble In Which We Discuss Sci-Fi Flicks

We’re gonna ramble around a bunch of connected topics, so pour yourself a cuppa and enjoy the ride.

. . .

I’m a big fan of 1950s sci-fi B-movies.

Years ago, when I was chatting with the late film historian Bill Warren on this, he made a pertinent observation:  1950s sci-fi B-movies tend to be more fondly remembered than most better mounted and more professionally executed sci-fi films that came afterwards.

There’s a couple of three reasons for this:

The shock of the new -- most of those films pioneered a brand new genre and style, looking far different from previous genre offerings such as Flash Gordon or Things To Come.  As such, they score branding points by being first, even if later examples are better made.

They possess a certain naïve charm -- by and large they’re not sophisticated nor exceptionally well thought out (though when they do demonstrate flashes of intellect, it’s always a delight).  One feels these films are being made up on the fly (and in a certain sense, they were; see (1) above) and in an odd manner they prove more innocent and thus more fun than those that came later.

Most of them were cheap -- this combines with points (1) & (2) to force most 1950s sci-fi B-movies to focus tightly on one idea / one image to sell the film.  As a result there’s a startling clarity of vision in even the most flimsy of productions that’s lacking in later, more elaborate movies.  The weaker examples of this genre are those films trying to cover more ground than their cheaper cousins.

. . .

Two cases in point:  Jack Arnold’s Tarantula for Universal is a technically better made movie than Bert I. Gordon’s The Spider for AIP, but Tarantula loses focus, dawdling about on character development and sub-plots instead of concentrating on the big ass spider.

The Spider is far weaker in the script / performances / production value departments, but who gives a %#@& ? -- it’s got a big ass spider tearing up the countryside for most of the picture.

Not to put down Arnold and his effects crew’s efforts; they ingeniously figured out a way to not only get their tarantula to realistically crawl over uneven landscapes but actually cast a shadow as it did so, heightening the realism.

Gordon, conversely, simple shot his spider in front of still photos; the shots look as crude as they sound.

But The Spider delivers what Tarantula only teases:  An attack by said big ass spider on a population center.  Tarantula famously ends with an uncredited Clint Eastwood napalming the monster in the desert on the outskirts of town; The Spider actually goes rampaging through its town, and features one of the most iconic shots of any sci-fi movie:  As the big ass spider bears down on her, a terrified woman slams her car door shut on her skirt and in her panic tries to tug it loose instead of simply opening the door again.

George Lucas crowds the screen with thousands of furiously dogfighting CGI starships and that lacks the gut punching impact of that one simple terrifying shot. 

. . .

An even more pertinent example can be found in the oeuvre of Irving Block and Jack Rabin (I know, you’re going “Who?”  Patience, young jedi; all will be explained below).

Block and Rabin (along with Louis DeWitt, their silent 3rd partner) ran a small special effects house in Hollywood in the late 1940s-50s with an interesting strategy for drumming up business.

They’d devise an interesting yet inexpensive (i.e., clever but cheap) special effects technique, build a story around it, then pitch that story to low budget movie producers with the proviso their firm would be hired to do the special effects for the final film.

This resulted in a number of low budget sci-fi films built around the kernel of an interesting visual, and while they night not have been great examples of the cinematic art, hey certainly created a number of memorable scenes and images from little more than scotch tape and rubber bands.

Unknown World was their take on Jules Verne’s Journey To The Center Of The Earth (no dinosaurs but then again, no Pat Boone, so they came out ahead on that one); Atomic Submarine pitted the US Navy against a UFO; Kronos featured a wholly unique alien invader; and War Of The Satellites staged an epic space opera on a bargain basement budget.

All noteworthy 1950s sci-fi B-movies, but ironically it was the film where their strategy failed -- or rather, only proved 50% successful -- that stands out.

Figuring out how to make footprints appear as if by magic, Block and Rabin devised a story about a spaceship landing on a planet of invisible monsters (as they pointed out, the great thing about invisible monsters is that even the cheapest production can afford millions of ‘em).

Their agent sent the pitch around to all the usual suspects at that time in the low budget indie film universe but, learning another studio not know for low budget sci-fi wanted to hop on the band wagon, sent it there as well.

That studio bought the idea, thanked Block and Rabin for their input, but said they’d let their own B-movie unit team handle the special effects,

And that’s how MGM made Forbidden Planet.

. . .

Today Forbidden Planet is a much beloved classic of the genre, but when released it proved a bit of a disappointment.

Oh, it made money (then and now, studios refuse to fund a production unless they already know in advance they will recoup their expenses and make a profit in advance of actual production) but it didn’t do anywhere near the business they hoped.

Part of this was timing -- it came out after dozens of lesser / cheaper films crowded the market -- but part of it is paradox:  It’s just too damn good.

No bones about it, Forbidden Planet was a B-movie for MGM.

In terms of overall quality, however, any MGM B-movie is bound to look like an A-picture from any other studio, and that’s exactly what happened here:  A literate, dynamite script; solid performances; top notch production values; bursting at the seams with ideas and incidents and details.

Sci-fi fans loved it, mainstream audiences not so much.

What sci-fi fans perceived as a groundbreaking classic, mainstream audiences viewed as:  Flying saucer something something something robot blah blah blah invisible monster.

What audiences today remember when they think of Forbidden Planet is the single most iconic element of the film.

Robby the robot.

He’s what sticks.  Robby made a big enough impression to star in his own follow up feature a few years later (The Invisible Boy) as well as guest star appearances on The Twilight Zone, Lost In Space, Columbo, and scores of other movies / TV shows / personal appearances.

Pick an iconic element. Stick with it.

. . .

The trick to doing memorable sci-fi movies is keeping the key visual elements down to as few sharply defined items as possible.

Star Wars (i.e., the unnumbered original release) is even more crowded in detail than Forbidden Planet but it holds its iconic visual elements down to a crucial handful:  Masked villain in black.  Laurel & Hardy robots.  Friendly yeti.  Glow swords.  Big bad artificial planet.

Every other visual element serves those, and while they provide detail and texture, they aren’t distractions.

Seriously, jettison the plot of the original Star Wars and reconfigure it from the ground up with those elements and it still winds up pretty much the same film, just set on different worlds.

This is why later films in the series, despite bigger and bigger revenues, lack the memorable freshness and emotional clarity of the original (getting cluttered up with superfluous characters and vehicles inserted just to sell toys doesn’t help, and I post this as one of the original writers for the G.I. Joe and Transformers series).

To reiterate: If you want to make an impression, less is more.

. . .

We’re going to amble on over to a parallel path and talk about ultra-low budget / no budget / homemade / hand-crafted / DIY film making, particularly in the sci-fi arena.

I watch a fair amount of lo-to-no budget sci-fi on Amazon Prime and YouTube.  Many of these are done for pure love of the genre and the film making process, and from that POV of producers and participants just wanting to have fun, they’re modestly enjoyable.

From the POV of actual good film making and sci-fi…not so much.  (There are exceptions and we’ll get to one of those; patience, young jedi…)

The overwhelming bulk of these films -- features and shorts -- are pretty derivative.

I don’t mean “unoriginal” the way 80-90% of professionally produced media is unoriginal, I mean “derivative” as in trying specifically to re-create something someone else did first…

...and better.

And this is in addition to the plethora of Star Trek / Star Wars / Dr. Who / superhero fan films out there; those are a separate though related phenomenon.

Rather, it’s the unmpeenth Alien ripoff / the 400th E.T. variant / the latest Mad Max clone / the most current example of last decade’s biggest hits.

They’re generally not that good taken on their own, no matter how much fun the makers are having.

For me the nadir of such films are those done by film makers imitating bad movies by deliberately making a bad movie.

Don’t do that, folks. 

Please. 

Don’t squander time and talent doing substandard work.

I’m not saying don’t make the kind of film (or draw the kind of art, or write the kind of story) you want to make; I’m just saying don’t deliberately make a piss-poor job of it.

Block and Rabin may never have made a truly good movie but not because they weren’t trying!

Cheap films?  Yes. Exploitable films?  Yes.

But films meant to be as good as they could make them.

There’s an MST3K notorious bad 1950s sci-fi movie called Teenagers From Outer Space.  Tom Graef, its writer / producer / director / editor / co-star was a former film student wanting to break into the big time so he made this cheesy movie to the utmost of his ability.

And lordie, it ain’t good…

…but by gawd, he was trying.

The folks who make deliberately bad pastiches of substandard B-movies were always a sore point for Bill Warren.

“The original film makers weren’t trying to make a bad movie!” he’d rave.

So please, don’t do deliberately shoddy work and try to explain it away by calling it a “parody”.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show is a parody, and everybody in it is aiming for the centerfield fence, turning in A-level performances.

I know it’s fun making models and cobbling together costumes and props and sets from junk, and recruiting friends and family to have fun making a movie, and if your audience is just going to be those friends and family, fine.

But if you want to be seen and appreciated by a wider audience, have some respect for them…and your own abilities as a film maker.

. . .

All of which brings us in a roundabout fashion to The Vast Of Night, a recent ultra-low budget sci-fi film that asks the non-musical question “What would a Twilight Zone mash-up of X-Files and Close Encounters Of The Third Kind look like?”

“Pretty impressive,” is the answer.

Let’s start with the Achilles’ heel of most lo-to-no budget DIY productions:  The cast.

The Vast Of Night enjoys impeccable casting, a;; the way down to the most minor roles.

I can’t stress enough how important this is for small productions.

Actors give you more bounce for your buck than anything else on your budget.  Good actors can make mediocre material bearable, they can bring good material to full blown life.

In The Vast Of Night’s case, the two leads -- Jake Horowitz as Everett, an all night DJ in a tiny late 1950s New Mexico town, and Sierra McCormick as Fay Crocker, the local substitute late night phone operator -- play off each other with delightful on screen chemistry.

No kidding, I’d watch these two characters go grocery shopping for an hour and a half, that’s how well Horowitz and McCormick play off each other.

Next, the story.  Obviously story and screenplay come before casting, but in the final analysis an okay story is far better served by a good cast than a good story by an okay cast.

Screenwriters James Montague and Craig W. Sanger do a good job with their script for The Vast Of Night.  As noted, it’s far from original but is fleshed out with enough distinctive elements to let the cast find plenty to work with.

For aspiring film makers, the script is typically the least expensive part of the process, and if you don’t like your draft you can always chuck it out and start afresh,

Finally, it’s okay to look inexpensive but don’t look cheap.

You can get away with a stark cinema verité style if that’s what the material calls for but you need to keep a consistent style and tone throughout.

A lot of DIY films do themselves a grave disservice by spending a lot of time / energy / money on a prop / costume / special effect that calls undo attention to itself by being so much better than everything surrounding it.

Director Andrew Patterson keeps things stylish while clamping a lid on its budget; this good pre-production planning pays off with a consistency of style and tone that helps keep the audience engaged, their disbelief suspended.

The Vast Of Night is what I refer to as a “minimum basic movie” i.e., the lowest bar you should shoot for with your own film making.

It’s far from a deathless classic, but it’s a fun ride.

And speaking of fun rides…this ramble is o-v-e-r.

  © Buzz Dixon

#sci-fi #film making #The Vast Of Night #Robby the Robot #Irving Block #Jack Rabin #Jack Arnold #Bert I Gordon #Tarantula movie #Earth Vs The Spider movie #B-movies #Kronos #Unknown World #Atomic Submarine #War Of The Satellites #Star Wars #Close Encounters Of The Third Kind #X-Files #Teenagers From Outer Space #Tom Graef #Jake Horowitz #Sierra McCormick #James Montague #Craig W. Sanger #Andrew Patterson #Twilight Zone #The Rocky Horror Picture Show #The Spider #parody

[seaselkie]

This or That

Oh here we go I’m hoping this one will be easier than the last one I did as this isn’t fanfic tropes :p Thanks to @seylaaurora for the tag!

As before - Short answers:

stars or clouds / tony stark or steve rogers  / buzzfeed unsolved or buzzfeed worth it / lavender or rose / chocolate or vanilla / latte or americano  / police procedural shows or hospital shows / fast zombies or slow zombies / modern films or classic films / musicals or plays / hamilton or in the heights / blue lightsaber or green lightsaber / hats or headbands / queen or elton john / multicolored lights or white lights / pastels or neons / flowers or succulents / log cabin or hotel / sprinkles or cookie crumbs / ghosts or aliens / single book or book series / library or bookstore / brunch or dinner / snow or leaves / jean jacket or leather jacket / tea cup or mug / galaxies or constellations

Long answers under the cut:

stars or clouds - I like both but stars hands down

tony stark or steve rogers - tbh I’m not a Marvel fan so realistically neither of them but eh. I care even less about Iron man than I do Cap.

buzzfeed unsolved or buzzfeed worth it - I don’t know what either of these are so??

lavender or rose - lavender makes me queasy. I like roses a lot but it also wins by default.

chocolate or vanilla - Still love vanilla but. Chocolate. This is a trick question

latte or americano - Don’t, can’t, won’t drink coffee of any kind so. moot

police procedural shows or hospital shows - I like both I guess, I’m just biased against some hospital shows because there’s so much personal/romantic drama going on and I’m not here for it. I like House a lot but generally I’ll always go for the police/forensics/crime procedurals.

fast zombies or slow zombies - They’re zombies, I’ll take any version of them if I’m in the mood for it. They both have a different kind of appeal and purpose.

modern films or classic films - Generally speaking I prefer modern films because the industry has become so much more aware and representative (still a ways to go, though), and especially for CGI heavy films, its a lot more immersive and believable and just capable now than it was 30, 40 years ago. The culture around films (Fandom, behind the scenes peeks, information on the process etc) are all way more accessible now, too, which is quite fun and engaging. That said, there are definitely a good few dated movies that are absolute classics for me that I still love. Plus, back then there was less of the same stuff being regurgitated over and over and more of an effort to make new things rather than rehash something because the industry didn’t have the resources it does now.

musicals or plays - Not really a huge fan of either of them but I have exceptions to both. This really vastly depends on what it is, though. I’d pick the musical episode of Once Upon a Time over watching Hamlet on stage, but I’d watch Midsummer Night’s Dream over OUaT. And I’d sooner watch HSM or the Buffe musical episode over that. But then I’d watch A Very Potter Musical over all of them. so...no clear cut answer here.

hamilton or in the heights - I haven’t seen either of these and only very vaguely know anything about the first one so....neither? I’m sure they’re both good but I am ignorant when it comes to the theatre.

blue lightsaber or green lightsaber - I mean if I could pick I’d go yellow or orange. I just prefer warmer colours and the purple is. meh. But between these ...I think I used to prefer green but blue is just more neutral to me now.

hats or headbands - Very much depends. I like some styles of headbands but I would pick a stetson or a beanie over them any day. I would sooner burn a top hat or one of those ridiculous feathered things you see at Ascot than wear it, though. So. Both? Either, depending on what it is.

queen or elton john - I’m not sure I can actually name anything from queen off the top of my head. Undoubtedly I’ve heard stuff but I literally have no memory without looking it up. However I have a huge soft spot for Candle in the Wind so. Default win.

multicolored lights or white lights - Tricky bc coloured lights are pretty too, but white lights win (again, prefer warm white to cold white). I’ve had warm white faerie lights strung around my room for years.

pastels or neons - Neons are a lot of fun but in general I just like less saturated colours. Stuff easier on the eyeballs

flowers or succulents - Both. I love cacti but Orchids are my favourite so I still think it depends.

log cabin or hotel - Log cabin for sure. The isolation, the freedom, the rustic lifestyle...

sprinkles or cookie crumbs - Hahaha yeah both of these.

ghosts or aliens - Love some alien myths and stories too, but ghosts and spirits are just closer to the heart in a wonderfully vague and cryptic way :)

single book or book series - Both. Sometimes I just do not have the patience to want to settle into a whole series and would rather I can just be done with one. But sometimes it’s the best feeling to fall in love with a bunch of characters and know that there’s even more to read when you finish the first book. I think it depends on the story, the people in it, and the staying power of the author and what they’re trying to tell. (For instance - I think certain authors should have stopped several books ago quite honestly because they all seem to focus on the same set of core dynamics and people with regurgitated personality traits and its tired. Then there’s other authors who, if I could, I would pay to give me more content of things I loved even 20 books later).

library or bookstore - Both. Bookstores because you can take things home and because they lack the stickers and stamps on books that basically mark/blemish them for life. But Libraries have just. these amazing, old souls, so often. Even the ones not in old buildings.

brunch or dinner - who has brunch? Also I couldn’t go without an evening meal and I rarely actually eat breakfast so...

snow or leaves - Autumn is my favourite and I love leaves when they’re crisp and falling and that period of time they break up and for a little moment you get the skeleton of veins. But Snow. I once stood in a snowstorm at 1am bundled into a thick coat in my pyjamas and it’s still one of the best things I’ve ever done. So both, technically.

jean jacket or leather jacket - well I mean both are good but. This is me. I would kill a man over a leather jacket so

tea cup or mug - mug. yep. mugs are so much more comforting

galaxies or constellations - well I mean. again. both. but I have a real soft spot for constellations

#tag games #me #about me #this or that tag game #i suck at picking between two things #wow #thanks these are fun!

[oscopelabs]

Ignite the Light: How Katy Perry’s “Firework” Brings Scenes From Three Very Different Movies to Life by Josh Bell

When Katy Perry’s “Firework” begins playing for the first time in Jacques Audiard’s Rust and Bone, it’s not especially noticeable. The song is part of the background music at Marineland, the aquatic park where Stephanie (Marion Cotillard) works as an orca trainer, one of several upbeat pop songs that serve to get the crowd excited during the routine animal performances in the outdoor amphitheater. It’s only after the minute-long section of the song has ended, and the soundtrack has shifted to tense orchestral music, that it becomes clear how indelibly “Firework” will be seared into Stephanie’s psyche, probably for the rest of her life.

The presence of contemporary pop songs like “Firework,” especially in mainstream Hollywood movies, is usually unremarkable and often little more than an afterthought, with songs just as likely chosen for marketing purposes as for artistic ones. But filmmakers with strong visions can harness the undeniable power of a huge pop hit like “Firework” and transform it into an essential storytelling tool, as Audiard does in Rust and Bone and as the directors of the far more multiplex-friendly movies The Interview and Madagascar 3: Europe’s Most Wanted do as well. It may be a coincidence that the filmmakers behind all three movies chose “Firework” for the most pivotal and memorable moments in their films, but it’s no coincidence that Perry’s empowerment anthem has the ability to speak to artists with very different creative goals.

Written by Perry along with Ester Dean, StarGate, and Sandy Vee and taken from Perry’s 2010 album Teenage Dream, “Firework” is one of Perry’s biggest hits, and it seems tailor-made for the movies, with its soaring earworm chorus and its inspirational lyrics that are specific enough to stick in your mind (the singular use of “firework” is especially uncommon) but generic enough to apply to almost any situation involving believing in yourself and pursuing your dreams. It’s not necessarily a great song, but it’s the right song for what each of these films is aiming to convey at a particular moment.

The second time that “Firework” surfaces in Rust and Bone, about 50 minutes after the first, its significance is clear: Stephanie is now in a wheelchair, following an accident that left her legs severed below the knee. The choreographed performance between orcas and trainers, set to “Firework,” was the last thing she experienced before her terrible injury, and the song is now a symbol of the life she’s lost and has struggled to rebuild. Much of that rebuilding has come from her burgeoning relationship with Ali (Matthias Schoenaerts), an underground mixed martial-arts fighter and itinerant laborer who has shown her more compassion and patience than anyone else in her life. The two have just had sex for the first time, in a scene that is sweet and passionate and a little awkward, and Ali has left Stephanie’s apartment with a casual farewell that doesn’t match her clearly stronger feelings of attachment.

Vulnerable yet undaunted, Stephanie sits on her balcony, Audiard’s camera first capturing her from behind. As Audiard cuts to a side view of Stephanie, she slowly starts miming the hand motions from her aquatic performance, first in silence and then as “Firework” gradually fades in on the soundtrack. As it does in most instances in all three of these movies, the song begins here with the line “Ignite the light and let it shine,” sparking the light in Stephanie’s eyes as her hands are outstretched and open. The song builds to its chorus as her motions become more confident, forceful. Her expression goes from wistful to triumphant, her hands poised and powerful, pumping to the beat. As the song continues to play, Audiard cuts to Stephanie, using a cane and her new prosthetic legs, walking for the first time into the empty amphitheater where she used to perform. She’s finally found the inner strength to confront her trauma, and while a lot of that came from Ali, plenty of it came from Katy Perry, too.

There’s a surprising amount of emotional power to the use of “Firework” in Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg’s The Interview as well, even if it first appears as the target of a somewhat obvious joke. Vain talk show host Dave Skylark (James Franco) and his more pragmatic producer Aaron Rapaport (Rogen) have traveled to North Korea to interview dictator Kim Jong-un (Randall Park), an apparent superfan of Dave’s vapid celebrity-interview show. They’ve also been tasked by a CIA agent (Lizzy Caplan) with secretly assassinating Kim, although Dave has started to bond with the lonely despot, who has a secret fondness for cheesy American culture.

What better representative for bubblegum American pop in the early ’10s than “Firework”? When Dave and Kim are sitting in a Soviet tank that Kim says was a gift to his father from Joseph Stalin, Dave turns on the internal sound system, to Kim’s protests, and soon “Firework” starts playing softly (beginning, of course, with “Ignite the light and let it shine”). Kim stammers that he’s never heard the song before, but Dave the ugly American loves Katy Perry, and immediately starts singing along. That opens the flood gates for Kim, who admits to loving margaritas and identifying with the opening line of “Firework.” “You know Dave, sometimes I feel like a plastic bag …” he begins, and Dave finishes: “Drifting through the wind?” Kim does a little dance, and their bond is solidified.

Rogen and Goldberg cap the joke by turning the volume up on “Firework,” shifting it from the tinny diegetic sounds of the tank’s internal speakers to blaring and pulsing on the soundtrack, over a montage of Dave and Kim triumphantly riding the tank through the adjacent woods, and then blowing up a bunch of trees as they sing along to Perry’s “Boom, boom, boom!” “Firework” goes from a secret guilty pleasure to the anthem of their friendship and their glee over wanton destruction.

It’s a silly, fun bit in a movie that mostly exists to turn serious geopolitics into silly fun, but that fun takes a dark (if still comedic) turn when “Firework” comes back near the end of the movie. Now disillusioned about their alleged friendship, Dave wants to expose Kim as a fraud, during the internationally televised interview. Pressing Kim to reveal his emotional weaknesses, Dave pulls out the one thing he knows will get a response: “I just have one more question for you: Do you ever feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?” As Dave sings the lyrics, Kim breaks down crying, revealing to the world that he’s a scared little boy inside. If it’s possible to feel sympathy for a cartoonish version of Kim Jong-un in a gross-out comedy, then this is the point at which that happens.

Directors Eric Darnell, Conrad Vernon and Tom McGrath don’t have nearly as much on their minds for their use of “Firework” in the third Madagascar animated movie, but the song nevertheless provides the backbone for the movie’s most visually inventive sequence, probably the most memorable moment in the entire Madagascar series. For reasons that are far too convoluted to get into, the series’ main zoo-animal characters—lion Alex (voiced by Ben Stiller), zebra Marty (Chris Rock), hippo Gloria (Jada Pinkett Smith) and giraffe Melman (David Schwimmer)—are hiding out with the animals of a circus traveling through Europe, and they need to wow an American promoter in order to get a contract to perform in New York City (which will bring the zoo animals home).

After witnessing the sad state of the circus acts, the main characters take it upon themselves to overhaul the entire show, despite their complete lack of circus knowledge. There certainly isn’t a lot of realism in the Madagascar movies, but Europe’s Most Wanted takes things in an especially absurdist and surreal direction, even before the trippy “Firework” sequence, which is entirely divorced from physics or logic. The make-or-break performance opens with surly Russian tiger Vitaly (Bryan Cranston) attempting to re-create a legendary stunt that went wrong, as he jumps through a flaming hoop that looks about the size of a wedding ring. After he somehow manages that feat, the crowd goes wild, and Vitaly extinguishes the tiny ring of fire, picks up the baton that was holding the ring and places it in the ground—and the movie transforms into a kaleidoscopic dreamscape.

There’s no gradual fade-in as “Firework” starts here; this is not a movie interested in subtlety. Once again, it begins with “Ignite the light and let it shine,” and the light here is literal: There’s an explosion of color as Vitaly’s baton activates a swirling, multi-colored platform like something out of a Las Vegas Cirque du Soleil show, only reaching impossibly high, taller than even the tallest circus tent. There’s no sense of physical limitations as the movie presents a bear on a motorcycle riding perpendicular to the crowd in the stands; dogs on rocket-powered skates shooting out what look like actual fireworks; Alex and sultry jaguar Gia flinging themselves about on rings of pure colored lights (which then become cannons to shoot other animals into the air); Melman and Gloria walking tightropes that are simply beams of light; and elephants shooting multi-hued flames from their trunks. The crowd goes wild, but it’s impossible to tell where the crowd even is, in relation to the performers.

On the Europe’s Most Wanted DVD commentary track, the directors note that editor Nick Fletcher specifically cut the circus sequence to “Firework,” demonstrating how important the song was to the movie’s development. Rogen, too, notes the importance of “Firework” to The Interview’s creative process in his DVD commentary: “Katy Perry is fucking cool as shit, and the fact that she let us do this is cool as shit,” he enthuses in his typical blunt manner. For his part, Audiard is more reserved about Rust and Bone’s wheelchair “Firework” scene, although it’s easily the movie’s most emotionally powerful moment, and a distillation of Cotillard’s masterful performance, as she conveys Stephanie’s difficult journey in just a few looks and hand movements. It was Cotillard, Audiard says on the movie’s commentary track, who convinced him to shoot the scene, which was initially just two lines in the script that he wasn’t sure he wanted to include. He ignited the light, and then she let it shine.

#katy perry #firework #rust and bone #madagascar 3 #europe's most wanted #the interview #seth rogan #james franco #marion cotillard #Matthias Schoenaerts #film score #soundtrack #oscilloscope laboratories #o-scope labs #musings #film writing

[smokeybrand]

This is Snyder

I don’t care for Zack Snyder. I don’t hate his craft as much as i hate Michael Bay, Snyder actually tries to make good movies, but i don’t find his schlock entertaining. He’s not a bad director, i guess, but his movies are always scatter-brained messes. I think Snyder is more a creative than a crafter. He’s the guy you want in your development stages, throwing out ideas and boarding those massive action scenes. If i were to equate him to a sports analogy, Snyder is the Offensive Coordinator on an American Football team. He’s the guy that builds the visual aspects of your scenes, the car who sets up the set pieces. He’s Mr. Battlemaster, the Attack Master, the guy you call in to adds little spice to your drama and conflict laden plot, not the guy you give the keys to an entire cinematic universe where you have to humanize godlike heroes. Emotional subtlety has never been Snyder’s strong point. Since the only DCEU film that was passable was Wonder Woman, the one flick that Snyder didn’t really have his hands on too much, i wanted to take some time and kind of dissect why i hate almost everything Snyder has ever made.

Dawn of the Dead

It’s been years since i’ve seen this movie but i recall enjoying it considerably. But it’s a zombie movie. And it wasn’t written by Snyder. That’s going to be a running theme in this; Other people’s stuff, Snyder is okay. His own stuff, not so much... Zack was only a Director on this flick which meas he just got to bring a script to life. He just got to pick the best scenes and build a cool looking movie. That’s Snyder at his best and it shows. For my money, DoD is his best film.

300

This was his breakthrough. 300 lends itself to Snyder’s style even more than DoD. The comic it’s based on is literally revisionist history written by 80s comic madman, Frank Miller. It is literally a series of splash pages with cool sh*t on them. In comic book speak, it’s literally a series of action set pieces. Splash pages are used to fill every inch of paper with dynamic, poignant, information. When every page of your book is a splash page, it conveys a sense of aggressive action. That is right up Snyder’s alley. There’s no room for plot or character development but that slow-mo buster kick to that persion dude was crazy dope, son! “THIS! IS! SPARTA!” It’s also a superficial, special FX laden, popcorn movie that is borderline sexist with all of the half naked dudes about but still, i had a good time.

Watchmen

Watchmen was the first Snyder movie i saw where i realized he was kind of out of his depth. Dude did his best to bring this unfimable story to the screen, and in some spots i think he did a really good job (Comedian’s arc was okay and that change toward the end made all of the sense to me) but overall, it lacked the emotional, philosophical, and political depth from the source material, you know, literally the reason why Watchmen is so goddamn brilliant. Snyder shot this movie like a mid 2000s cape flick. Think Raimi’s Spider-Man or X2 but infinitely more superficially, which is ridiculous because the Watchmen novel is infinitely more rich. WB kind of let up on Snyder’s leash a bit and he focused way too much on the sh*t that shouldn’t have been focused on. At it’s core, Watchmen is a character study of those old timey 80s archetypes and an indictment of the destructive materialism infecting society at that time. There’s a visceral moral question that my brother and i argue about all of the time and i believe Snyder stuck the landing, but he kept falling off the bar to get there.

Sucker Punch

Sucker Punch is one of the worst movies i have ever seen. The mechanics, the technical aspects of this movie, are just the worst. I can go into how this is basically a shittier version of Inception with the dream in a dram aspects or how that sh*t doesn’t make any sense in the movies established lore or timeline. I can go into how this thing technically takes place in between the five minutes that Babydoll is being moved from her cell to the lobotomy chair so none of it matter or how f*cking ridiculous it is that this woman’s name is f*cking “Babydoll”. Sucker Punch is wildly problematic and i’ve written at length about how i feel about it before, i think, but my point with this entry is to high light how messy this movie feels. This is Snyder wit h no brakes. This is Snyder unleashed, When left to his own design. THIS, Sucker Punch, is the type of movie Zack Syder wants to make. He wanted to explore the psychology behind being in such dire straights, the emotional and psychological rationale of those terrible circumstances but he also wanted naked chick, a dragon, and giant robot samurai in it. How does that work? You can’t put Nazi Zombies in Girl, Interrupted, man. that dog don’t hunt. i know because Sucker Punch tried it and IT was AWFUL!

The DCEU

I thought about doing these thing individually but considering he basically directed all of these f*cking movies (except Wondy) i can lump them all into one entry. WB mistook the success of the Grimdark Nolan Batman Trilogy as audiences wanted a bunch of edgelord superheroes. So they gave the Batman Begins treatment to f*cking Superman. And, to bring this car crash of an idea to the big screen, they give the reigns to Snyder. I don’t like Superman. I think he’s a terrible hero. How do you right him? What aspects do you focus on when the guy and turn back time by flying real fast? How do you make that asshole compelling? Snyder’s solution? Uncle Ben his ass! Guilt trip him into becoming the world’s savior! sh*t’s lazy son! Man of Steel was adequate though. it was good enough for the WB suits to hand the entire reigns of the DCEU over to this asshat and, oh boy, was that dumb! My chick is the biggest Superman fan and she hated this movie. For her, someone versed in the Kal-El mythos, this was an affront. From what little i know about Supes, i’d agree.

SO Snyder double-downs on his Batmanfication of Superman by literally introducing Batman into a Superman story. BvS is an abortion of a film. It destroys the archetype of what all of these heroes represent. Batman is a psychopath killer. Superman is a morose pussy. Lex Luthor is the goddamn Riddler from Batman Forever. It’s a goddamn mess. Which sucks because, at it’s core, there are a lot of good ideas here. I liked how Luthor was more Zuckerburg than Rockefeller. I liked the introduction of Wonder Woman, even if it felt a little forces at times. I liked at the whole “Punished Messiah” story line for Supes, even if it never got deeper than a puddle. I hated everything else. Everything was just too Snyder-y. Cool sh*t to look at as opposed to deep sh*t to identify with. But that’s what happens when you forgone character development for mech fights and a Doomsday story line that should have bookend a phase one of pictures. Seriously, Doomsday in the second goddamn movie of your fledgling franchise? No! no, im not going to get into that. We’ll address that later.

Suicide Squad was a goddamn mess. I know David Ayer directed that, and one day i hope we get to see that sh*t, but the studio brought Snyder in to fix what they felt was an unwatchable film. Seriously, Snyder is considered a “guest Director” on that film and it shows. Justice League is the same way but Joss Whedon kind of added a bunch of levity to this ridiculous film. While i think Justice League is trash, i also believe it’s the second best that the DCEU has produced, mostly because there was reprieve to ll of Snyder’s grimdark bullsh*t. Whedon was able to bring out the best of these characters. I eve liked Superman in this and i f*cking hate Superman. But that’s kind of my point. If you remove Snyder from the equation, you get solid sh*t! like Wonder Woman!

Everything about Wonder Woman screams dope. It reminds me of a Phase one MCU outing, which is a fitting tone for Diana’s adventures. It’s not a perfect movie, there area ton of issues with it, but overall, it is a delight. I think Gal Gadot gave her best performance and someone finally used Chris Pine in an advantageous manner. I think going full on Ares was a mistake but, in the context of the world, i get it. I thought this was a decent ride until the end. The climax was whack. Seeing as how Snyder is credited as a writer, i assume he wrote this part because it feels wildly Snyderish. Literally the worst pat of this film is the ending. Tonally, it’s ridiculous. It doesn’t fit. It’s poorly executed. But it’s fun to watch, i guess. That’s Snyder in a nutshell.

Ultimately, putting this guy in charge of the entire DCEU, which wanted to be a direct competitor to the MCU, was a mistake. His vision is ridiculous. He has too many ideas for any one film and with no one to reel that in, you get the mess that we have now. There are certain things that needed to happen in order for the DCEU to be relevant, to be good. Snyder doesn’t have the patience to execute like this though. He doesn’t want to put in the time to world build. He just wants to throw awesome looking sh*t on screen and move on. That, a good movie, does not make. If i had a say, i’d probably loosely follow the MCU Phases. That sh*t worked and gave ample time to develop a proper story. As an example, i’d have done something like this:

Phase One - Trinity

Movie 0: House of El. Prequel to the entire DCEU set in the final days of Krypton. You could establish all of the requisite Supermann necessities while also planting seeds for Brainiac, Doomsday, Apokolips, and Darkseid. This would be the backbone for the first three phases of your DCEU. Think Star Wars but with Krpytonians instead of Jedi.

Movie 1: The Batman or Gotham, dunno about that title yet, Definitely a Year one or Year Two Bat-story. I’d want to introduce The Long Halloween arc. Make it a noir, focus on the assumed Batman doing his detective thing, until the climax which would be an amalgamation of No Man’s Land and The Man Who Laughs. Like, Joker is holding the city hostage and all of the holiday murders were a distraction while he planted his trap. Batman would have to choose between his morals or vengeance in the end.

Movie 2: Superman Sequel. Calling this one Man of Steel as it would have both Superman and Metallo as the primary antagonist. I figure having Clark and Corbin duke it out makes for a clever title, you know? You can introduce Luthor as the mastermind, secretly collaborating with his miraculous AI that turns out to be Brainiac. Deathstroke could be hired muscle. Cadmus can be introduced. You get to see the introduction of Superman on a world wide scale as he and Metallo duke it out in the open. This would feel like that old Superman cartoon on the WB way back when. Light-hearted yet serious tone. Actual stakes. Sub plot of Lois figuring out Luthor is the reason all of the trauma occurs.

Movie 3: Wonder Woman. It will probably be a period peace set against WW1. It would pit her against Aries and the preconceptions of women during those bleaker times. The battle would be against disillusionment; trying to find a reason why Man should be defended or something of that nature. Wonder Woman would be more or less what we already got from Patty Jenkins, with a much better ending. Like, an actual pgysical fight with Aries seems dumb. If we have to go that course because of executive meddling, at least cast a better Ares. Make him more menacing and less inept. Motherboxes and a bit more of Apokolips will be introduced in this movie.

Movie 4: World’s Finest. Basically Batman against Superman while WW actually solves the real issues behind the scene. Like, she uncovers the underlying plot of the Motherboxes and actually tries to prepare for the coming of Steppenwolf. I really like the idea of Wonder Woman adapting her skill set to covert ops kind of like Motoko Kusanagi does. Also, you know, dudes is dumb and punchy. While Supes and Bats are having their tiff, Steppenwolf actually appears and engages the two of them. Ultimately, Wonder Woman arrives and the three of them, the Trinity, send ol boy packing back to Apokolips and the Motherboxes go dead. The Trinity is established, the seeds of Apokolips have been sown, and we can move into Phase Two - Justice League with the first movie of the lot; Death of Superman. Opening with the sidelining of the most powerful hero opens up a reason for Batman, having an established relationship with Winder Woman and Superman, realizing there are bigger things out there and a team might be necessary to combat them.

See, four movies, five if you count the Krypton prequel, and you’ve established the world, the main characters, the underlying conflict, and you have room to grow. You’ve developed characters, established the backbone to your entire universe, and given each of your principal heroes, Batman, Superman, ad Wonder Woman, their own outing, in the vein of their own themes. Grimdark works for Batman because he IS grimdark. Sh*t doesn’t fly with Superman or Wonder Woman. Diana is a warrior, set her story to the backdrop of a conflict to showcase her strengths. Superman wold spend his time trying to save Metallo, not murder him at the end of the goddamn movie because Supes is about believing in the good, not killing troubled assholes. Snyder didn’t have the patience to do this. He wasn’t building anything. He just wanted to put cool sh*t on the screen while trying to make everything dark and deep. He failed at both.

In closing, i don’t think Zack Snyder is a terrible director. I don’t. I think he has too may ideas and no one to reel him in when left to his own devices. When he is making someone else’s material, when he has a guidelines to follow and people keeping his rampant creative energy in check, he can be pretty good at his job, a la DOD or 300. Hell, i’d even give him Watchmen. But, left to his own devices, we get nonsense like Sucker Punch and BvS. Zack Snyder is everything that’s wrong with modern American cinema and it galls me to the core.

[kunalkarankapoor]

Review: ‘The Raikar Case’ Gives Us An Insight Into Indian Families

The series The Raikar Case on Voot opens up with the alleged suicide of Tarun Naik Raikar (Honey Kamboj), the youngest of the Raikar clan. While the suspect could be from a wide spectrum of people, the inquiry begins with the closest of all – the family. This suicide turns into a murder mystery and the rest is what you need to watch.

The suspense seems to be tight, and so are the roles played by the learned cast, be it Atul Kulkarni as Yashwant Naik Raikar, Ashvini Bhave as Sakshi Naik Raikar, Parul Gulati as Etasha Naik Raikar, Kunal Karan Kapoor as Mohit Naik Raikar or Neil Bhoopalam as John Pereira. Each of them seem suited for the roles they’re playing. But, while the thrill, chill and the suspense remain intact, there is a chain of thoughts that worked along the way for me.

I wonder if that’s what happens to be with every family in reality. Does every family happen to be unhappy and yet just hide it from the world out there? Because at least that’s what I’ve noticed in India, the idea of portraying a certain image of a family that isn’t even true in the first place.

The brother might not like the other brother or his ideology, but he’ll still pull it together for the world out there, pretending to be the happiest one amidst all of this. This isn’t something I can pull out statistics for, because there has been no recorded judgement of dysfunctionality in the Indian families because we are afraid to speak what we think and maybe, it’s something that has developed over the years only to satisfy the need to be socially accepted.

Maybe, ‘dysfunctional’ is a terminology that I might have pulled out of my over-thinking cap, but how do we really give credibility to our thoughts? An individual’s perception, habits or attitude have always seemed to affect another person. But in the Indian aspect of social order, the young are never supposed to pinpoint the elders; the elders are never to limit the young or walk out of their boundaries in an attempt to invade privacy (though I wonder if it exists); and neither does the gender disparity end at any given point.

The females are never to express their opinion, the males continue to make decisions for everyone, and people are looked at with suspicious eyes if seen together with someone from the opposite sex, no matter what relationship they might be sharing with them.

The idea of expression is what lacks in the Indian social order, specifically amongst families. And that’s what lingers in the corners of this series too – the lack of expression of one family member with another. So, I wonder if dysfunctional is even an extreme term to use here.

I might not have all the facts, but I do hold an opinion, and if you believe it’s challengeable, watch out for this series on voot.com, and let’s change the idea of families for each other.

On the whole, this series will make your quarantine worthwhile. Hence, watch out for this directorial bliss by Aditya Sarpotdar.

By Manvi Singh - April 2020

https://www.youthkiawaaz.com/2020/04/the-raikar-case-review-this-is-much-more-than-a-thriller-webseries-to-me/

How many of you all have watched the 2019 movie " Knives Out"? It was a pretty impressive movie. When I watched it I felt that why something sort of this could be made in Hindi. It was a very unique concept.

When I watched The Raikar Case, I finally felt that we are getting there. A well-written whodunit that will keep you guessing. A mystery with a unique approach. A mystery that will make you rack your brains.

Voot Select has been on a spree of producing thrillers. After Asur and Marzi, we have another thriller on our plates, The Raikar Case.

The Raikar case is directed by Aditya Sarpotdar and stars Atul Kulkarni, Ashwini Bhave, Parul Gulati, Neil Bhoopalam and others.

Frankly speaking, this series is something very ahead of its time. I never imagined the Indian digital world will provide something of this magnitude. But what really makes

The Raikar Case Plot

Naik-Raikar. Goa's one of the most elite families. Cashew plantations, factories, a connection in politics, this family has every luxury out there.

But all these conveniences come with a cost.

Tarun, a young naive member of the Naik-Raikar family is dead falling from a cliff. Everyone thinks Tarun ended his own life. But SP John Pereira has his own speculations. It's clearly a murder.

Etasha, daughter of Raikar patriarch and a cousin of Tarun starts to receive messages from a mystery informer who knows every bit about this murder. Every time an investigation occurs a new person comes on the suspect radar.

Etasha's struggle to find the real culprit while dealing with her family's deepest and darkest secrets forms the entire plot of The Raikar Case.

The Raikar Case Review

The Positives 

1. Story: The story of The Raikar Case is penned by Bijesh Jayarajan, Karmanya Ahuja and Anitha Nair. As far as the story is concerned, it has everything required for scripting a flawless whodunit. The Raikar Case has a murder mistaken for suicide, a plethora of family members with their gimmicks and most importantly a dark backstory.

The story of The Raikar Case starts slowly and cautiously. It gradually catches pace and then does not looks back. Many of you will struggle to figure whats going on. In the very first episode, a bunch of characters are thrown towards you.

2. Characters: There is absolutely no shortage of characters in The Raikar Case. The characters overflow at a point. Your brain takes a while to figure out who's who. The Naik-Raikar family itself is so interesting that you begin to vouch for root for them. The common disgruntled and bewildered look on every family member's face gives the "something's fishy" vibes. The over-practical patriarch, his household wife, incompetent son, achiever daughter, disinterested cousins, confused sister-in-law everybody has their own share in The Raikar case. Also, the outsiders are well linked to this family. A power-hungry conniving friend completes the equation.

3. Unique Screenplay: The screenplay of The Raikar Case is its bast thing. Very rarely you stumble across such beautifully presented content. The screenplay will definitely win your hearts. The way this series is structured will take a little bit of your time to grasp it. But later on, you yourself will know what's about to hit you.

4. Some performances

The Raikar Case is adorned with some incredible performance. Atul Kulkarni as Yashwant Naik-Raikar showed us why he is the king when it comes to out-of-the-box scripts. He symbolizes a true patriarch who is bound to hold his family together no matter what. His stern and no-nonsense attitude justify his position in the Naik-Raikar family.

Ashwini Bhave, the famous yesteryear actress made her digital debut with a bang. Her performance of Sakshi was something you can relate to every matriarchal figure in the house. Her layered and biased feelings will shock you.

Parul Gulati as Etasha was simply amazing. She displayed a wide range of emotions effortlessly.

Lalit Prabhakar as Eklavya Rane is truly the breakout star of The Raikar Case. Prabhakar is known for his chocolate-boy roles in the Marathi film industry but here he is the dark-chocolate. He is terrifying as hell. He gives us the chills whenever he appears on the screen.

1. The Negatives. Opening episode. One of the shortcomings of The Raikar Case is that the opening episode is too much to handle. It is very ambiguous for an opening episode. At a point, your brain trips from processing the load of info.

The audience is not used to this type of complication in the initial stage. Many of the people may lose patience.

2. Some performances: Neil Bhoopalam has a very crucial role in The Raikar Case. But for some reason, he doesn't seem to provide justice for his role. His dialogue delivery looks too cliche. It always feels that he is trying to judge everyone.

Kunal Karan Kapoor and Manava Naik are other examples of below-par performance. It looked that they were trying too hard to fit in.

Before you all head to watch The Raikar case, let me tell you this:

It's NOT a popcorn-movie. Keep your brain along with you at all times.

A slight distraction may disrupt your entire flow of experience.

The opening episode is very complex but don't you lose hope. You will digest everything eventually.

My rating for

The Raikar Case:

🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 (4/5).Definitely recommended!!

“I think Neil, Manava and Kunal Karan Kapoor all did justice to their roles. Manava and Kunal Karan Kapoor’s role was as “outsiders” that did not fit in and both are trying to fit into the family. I believe that what the Director wanted to show and looking at the review then both did a great job making the reviewer feel that. Honestly speaking then everyone was in character and was living it. So saying that specially Kunal Karan Kapoor was below-par performance is totally wrong. He told Mohit story through his eyes and made sure that even if he seem mysterious and you knew he had a secret, you never fully suspect him. Beside that his performance in the last episode was breathtaking.The way he emote every turmoils was beautiful and art itself.” - Anila

Binged.com Review: Kunal Karan Kapoor’s role isn’t fleshed out as well as his other actor-counterparts, though he makes a good meal of it.

Movies Bazaar Review: Talking about Kunal Karan Kapoor unno ne shandaar role nibhaya hai aur kisi cheez ki kami nahi aane di apne role main.

#kunal karan kapoor #reviews #actor #artist

[gems-on-a-plastic-beach]

Gorillaz React

So a while back, posted this fanfic on FF.net. Now I got this blog I decided I might as well share this stupid little thing I wrote. :)

"So uh, correct me if I'm wrong. You've gathered all of us here, not to discuss promotions, not to discuss the website, but to film us watching... A sodding Youtube video?"

Murdoc had a perplexed look on his face mixed with slight annoyance. He wasn't quite caught up on all these new trends on Facetube or Snaptagram, or whatever those bloody websites were called. And frankly, he had no desire to be.

Noodle and 2D were more turned into social media, but Noodle was always busy focusing on their music, being the passionate worker she is, and 2D was... Well, he was 2D. Could the job really be left in capable hands with him? This was precisely why Gorillaz hired a manager for their media. Someone who was young and knew what they were doing. The same manager that they'd recently hired for their Youtube channel had called the four of them into the living room of their new HQ: the Spirit House, all sat in a row on the couch, with Youtube up on the TV and the cameras ready.

"Yeah, I don' get this. Wot's all this about? We answering live fan questions or sumthin?" 2D asked, exchanging a few confused looks with the other band members.

"Well no. It's not live and it isn't exactly a Q&A. I know it sounds strange, but keep in mind that this could be considered a type of promotion in of itself." The young manager explained. "Have the four of you by chance heard of the Youtube channel TheFineBros?"

The band exchanged a few confused glances. None of them could say they have.

"Nope." Russel said flatly.

"Can't say I have, no." Noodle said.

"I 'ave no idea what your talkin' about." 2D said bluntly.

"Do you really think I care to know about these silly little "channels", or whatever they are? What the hell does this have to do with us?" Murdoc said irritably.

The manager was losing them. It was better to just get straight to the point. "Uh, well okay. So this channel hosts a series of videos where they have different people of different age groups react and discuss various videos shown to them with topics to do with popular culture, current events, music and movies of the like. Recently, they did a video with some people reacting to a few of your music videos, and discussing them."

The band now started to gain interest, except for Murdoc of course. Bored as hell and lighting up yet another cig.

"It's a video with young people who may have grown up with your music. It's called "College Kids React to Gorillaz"."

Murdoc suddenly looked up. "Wait, wait, wait, wait. College kids?" His tune had miraculously changed to something far more enthusiastic. "By "college" kids, this video wouldn't by chance happen to include any college-age gir-"

Before Murdoc could even finish his sentence, 2D started laughing and Noodle was giggling. Russel just groaned, burying his bald head in his palm.

"Oh for god's sake, Murdoc. Can you not go ten minutes without thinking with your wrinkly old nether regions?" Russel sighed in annoyance. Always the more mature and paternal one of the group.

Murdoc leaned over with a sleazy smile. "Oh, sure Russ. I remember that of all things, you don't seem to possess a pulse. Heheheh."

"Hey, I have a pulse just like anybody else. I just don't go off mindlessly chasing tail like an animal. I don't have delusions of someone half my damn age having any interest in me. Unlike you, ya damn unwashed geriatric." Murdoc sneered at the last remark.

"Yeah Mudz, ya dirty ol' geezer." 2D snickered.

Russel quickly turned to face 2D. "Oh Shut up, 'D. You're just as bad and you know it. Don't try to pretend you're any better. I'm the one who does the laundry 'round here and unfortunately I've come across your stash, and I've seen those stains on your sheets!" Murdoc and Noodle sputtered with laughter while 2D began to blush. Murdoc even shed a tear, he was laughing so hard. Quite embarrassed, the manager tried to interrupt the raunchy banter, but Russel kept going, now with a grin.

"Even now you still take multiple girls back to your bed, many half your age. And judging by your masturbatory material, you into some nasty shit, man. You're no better than Murdoc, you're just more covert about it."

2D was still red in the face, but managed to laugh along. "Ay, I'm not the one to blame there, mate. It's the birds over the years that introduced me to all that kinky shit. The girls love it, I just went along with it and heh, it ain't that nasty. Ya really don't know what your missing." He said with a cocked eyebrow and a cheeky grin. 2D may have been a sweetheart, but he wasn't a chaste guy by a long shot.

Russel scoffed. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say, you skinny pervert."

The manager stood there awkwardly. They raised an eyebrow at Noodle. "How have you dealt with this for so long?"

Noodle smiled and shrugged. "Aw, there's little that shocks me. I'm not precious, I can handle it." She then smirked devilishly, and winked. "Besides, I happen to get mine quite aplenty these days."

Murdoc and 2D whooped and cheered for her, like they were a bunch of lads down at the pub, proud of their mate getting laid for the first time. Russel however, turned away and pretended desperately not to hear what she said. She may be 27, but Noodle was always going to be his baby girl after all.

This had gone off the rails enough. Although it wasn't unusual for this lot. Tangents were an everyday norm for Gorillaz.

"Ahem. Back on track- Today, the four of you are going to react to their video of them reacting to you."

"Oh? so it's a reaction of a reaction? Interesting." Russel said.

"Aw yeah, this is what they call a paradox, right?" 2D asked without thinking.

"Heh, not quite, 2D." Noodle said with a smile.

"Ughhh. No, dullard. A paradox is a contradiction." Murdoc groaned, without much patience for the singer's ignorance.

"Really? Oh yeah..." 2D said, spacing out a bit.

Murdoc looked to the young manager. "Okay, alright, I'm with ya, kid. Let's just this done, yeah?"

"Okay guys." The thumbs up was given and the video started.

The video had a cold opening, the first shot with a pretty blonde girl watching the last few seconds of the video for 'Feel Good Inc'.

"That song's so good. I wanna listen to it on my way home now." She commented.

"Well, well. I think we are off to a grrreat start, Haheheh." Murdoc said loudly, with a lecherous grin and that gravely laugh of his. The others groaned.

"Shh! Mudz, come on man." Russel hushed him.

"So today we're going to show you a medley of music from a popular band, starting with their new song and then going into their bigger hits".

The video shown within the video was the start of Saturnz Barz, showcasing each of the young adult's reactions.

"What is this?"

"Oh yeah, It's Gorillaz!"

"This is Gorillaz! Ohhh, I'm so excited!"

"Hehe, I like that guy's enthusiasm!" Noodle said.

"I'm so excited for their comeback." One of the girls said.

"Well get excited honey, because we are BACK!" Murdoc proclaimed.

"I wanna be part of the Gorillaz!" A dude with a yellow beanie said, clearly a fan.

2D laughed nervously. "Well, heheh, I'd be careful what you wish for there, mate. Otherwise you'll end up in a series of unfortunate events, and might find yourself held prisoner by a slimy green bass player, several leagues under the bloody sea!" 2D shot a glare at Murdoc.

"Oh come on, 2D. Let it go. It's been years." Murdoc waved him off.

2D muttered what sounded like: "Fuckin' wanker." under his breath.

The music video was now into Popcaan's verse. Some of the kids seemed taken aback by the surreal visuals.

"I was digging the animation until it got really trippy."

"They seem unfamiliar with our aesthetic." Noodle commented.

"Haha. If only you knew mate." Murdoc chuckled.

"This is different from what they usually do."

"This is so different and creative."

"The pizza's talking. That's so cool!"

"See Murdoc? I told you young people still appreciate artistry." Noodle said to Murdoc.

"Yeah well, They may have picked out an alright bunch." Murdoc shrugged.

"How do they come up with these things?" A brunette with red lipstick asked.

"Personal experiences, love. If not, then a cocktail of LSD and Vodka and three days lack of sleep." Murdoc stated.

"Or, a creative imagination." Russel spoke up.

Murdoc snorted. "Imagination. Pfft, yeah, that what is."

"This is like the weirdest music video I've ever seen!" The blonde girl said.

"The weirdest you've ever seen, love?" 2D laughed. "You ain't seen much of the 90's then. Bjork, Marilyn Manson, Nine Inch Nails. Their shit was proper crazy!"

"To be fair, she doesn't look like your average Manson or Nine Inch Nails listener, does she?" Murdoc pointed out.

"Pretty much." 2D chuckled.

"It's very them, but it's kinda creeping me out." Another of the girls said.

"It was damn creepy that day when we shot it, that's for sure." Russel shivered at the memories of that possessed bed and eldritch-like creature messing with him.

"To be honest, I'm not really digging the song." A guy in grey said.

"Well fuck you too, ya little cu-" Murdoc swore.

"Murdoc!" Noodle pulled him up. "Come on, don't be a dick. Everyone's entitled to their own tastes." He grumbled in response.

"It looks like a horror film!" The blonde girl exclaimed.

"Heh, well that's the idea. We're all horror fans to an extent, love. Saying a video from us looks like a horror film is like saying a video from Daft Punk looks like a Sci-Fi." 2D grinned.

The video of Saturnz Barz came to an end, with the final lines from Murdoc and Russel. "Breakfast?" "Oh Yeah! I got a real appetite."

"What in the world?"

"That's so sick. It's Gorillaz, dude, I'm excited for their comeback!"

"I wish I was this creative. I write songs about breakups." A guy in a red flannel shirt said.

"Hey, there ain't nuffin wrong wiv that, man." 2D spoke. "I was in that position once when I was in my teens. Writin' silly songs about girls. But if yew just keep going and doing what yew love, you'll get better wiv time. There ain't much of a science to it. It's just something that'll come to you wiv life experience."

Noodle smiled. "Well said, D-chan." "Yeah man." Russel agreed.

"Well uh, hm. You did have my help, dullard. If it weren't for me you'd still be writing hack tunes." Murdoc bragged. The other two frowned. It was well known that Murdoc often took the writing credit from other band members, particularly 2D. The blue haired front man was famously ditzy, but he was far more lyrically talented than given credit for. Murdoc resented him for it. He wasn't a bad lyricist, but a was jealous he didn't even have half of 2D's poetic gift.

"Actually," Murdoc began, "Come to think of it, they seem to have missed the greatest part of the video."

"And which part was that?" Noodle asked him. Murdoc flamboyantly waved his hands and let his long tongue roll out of his mouth.

"THE BATH!" He bellowed.

"SHUT UP, MURDOC!" The three others yelled at him while he cackled. Not at all pretty image they had to remember.

The video next showed the visuals for two of the band's new songs, 'We Got the Power' and 'Andromeda'. But since they were shown quite short there was little to say, although the college kids seemed to like them.

"One of the greatest things that defines Gorillaz is that ironically, they aren't defined by a genre. They make so much different music and no song is alike." The guy in the yellow beanie in the video explained.

"Mad respect, man. This dude here knows what he's talking about." Russel smiled. The others nodded in agreement.

"Oh wow, I'm buying this album! When's it coming out?" The brunette with red lipstick asked.

"April 28th, honey! Mark it down darlin', Huhuheh." Murdoc laughed that gravely laugh of his again. "Down, boy." Russel hushed Murdoc.

"Now here's a few more songs from earlier in their career." The interviewer in the video said.

"Alright, peeps. Let's see what the kids make of the classics, eh?" Murdoc grinned, clapping his hand together.

The video for 'Clint Eastwood' was showcased, the sound bringing back a whirl of nostalgia for the band members.

"I aint happy, I'm feeling glad, I got sunshine in a bag..." It was familiar to most of the young adults, and some started to even sing along.

"Holy shit, lads. It's been YEARS since I've actually seen this video." 2D gasped. "Geez, look how young we are! Hey, look at you, Noodle! Look at cha, yer such a little muffin!" 2D grinned at Noodle and affectionately nudged her rib. She smiled warmly back at him like he was a doting older brother. They didn't seem to interact much on camera or in interviews, but they had a sweet bond in reality.

"How many years has it been since this song was released?" The brunette in the video inquired.

"Jesus, about... 16 years?" 2D looked at others. "Yeah, yeah. It was 2001. 16 years... Wow." Russel said with awe.

"You were 11 Noodle, I was 23." 2D reminisced. "Yeeaaah... And now Faceache, You're 39." Murdoc drawled, looking at 2D with a shit-eating grin. "How pray tell, does it feel?"

2D frowned, before shooting back a cocky look. "Welp, feels a lot better than bein' 50, ya old git." Murdoc laughed for once at 2D's jab at him. "Ah mate, If I weren't in such a good mood, I'd sock you for that one." 2D grinned back. It was rare for him and Murdoc to have these moments of friendly banter.

"This is giving me Cartoon Network vibes." The guy in grey said.

"It's funny he says that. We were supposed to have our own TV show, but it never got off the ground." Russel pointed out.

Del the Funky Homosapien's rap started in the video. Russel hung his head a bit in sadness for the loss of his dearly departed friend.

"Del. Oh Del. It's been years." Russel sighed mournfully. "You okay, Russ?" 2D asked him.

Russel nodded reassuringly. "Yeah, nah. Yeah don't worry, I'm fine. It's just- you know how it is." The others nodded sympathetically. Russel went through a rough patch after Del was exorcized from his mind, so it was understandable how he felt.

'Clint Eastwood' ended in the video. It was a song liked by pretty much everybody.

"Classic song. I totally know it, but can't think of the name."

"I like the gritty look of each character and the fact that they each have their own kind of personality."

"Well, in the late 90's and early 2000's, there wasn't much of a competition to have a personality in music." Murdoc bragged. "We turned the world upside down! Unlike those teeny bopper shits. They wouldn't have known what real personality was if it turned around and punched 'em in the teeth!"

The next music video showcased was 19-2000. Another video the band hadn't seen in a long time.

"The world is spinning too fast, and I'm buying Nike shoes, to keep myself tethered to the days I tried to lose..."

"I want to know what they look like, instead of these little characters!" Two of the girls in the video said.

"Whatcha see is whatcha get, honey! This is us as we are!" Murdoc said proudly. Although he had a feeling this was going to go a in direction that he wasn't at all pleased about.

"Have they shown their faces on newer concerts?"

Murdoc scowled. This brought back an irritable memory. "Well, no. But that's cause the last time we went on tour, that backstabbing bastard, Damon Albarn stole MY BAND! IT'S MY BAND!" Murdoc stood up and started yelling. He was of course referring to the Plastic Beach tour. "We were holed up in the dressing room for every show! All the bloody doors were jammed and we couldn't get out!"

Russel pulled Murdoc back down on the couch. "Take it easy, man."

Murdoc scoffed. "Oh, shut up Russ. You weren't there! You can't speak for us. Right 2D?" 2D scratched his head. "Well uh, yeah. It was pretty unpleasant being stuck in the dressing room for every show with a grumpy old dick and a psychotic robot." 2D despised that artificial Cyborg that was modelled after Noodle, and was quite happy to hear that the real Noodle destroyed the damn thing.

The next video was 'DARE'. Noodle grinned.

"You've got to press it on you, you just think it, that's what you do, baby, hold it down, DARE..."

"Ah, yes. One of my favourites." she said. "Only because you're the only one in it. You didn't even tell us you were filming it!" Murdoc said to her. Noodle grinned at him. Murdoc couldn't help but grin back. He couldn't stay mad at her.

"Oh my gosh! I know this song!"

"This is Gorillaz? I had no idea!"

Murdoc nodded his head to the beat. "Oh yeah, me mate Shaun Ryder was on this. He even let us borrow his head for the music video!"

"Turn the lights on and off real quick, so I can get into the mood." The girl with red lipstick swayed with the beat.

"Aw, she's cute. She my favourite!" 2D smiled. "Speak for yourself, 'D. I'm into the blonde. Hahahah." Murdoc laughed lecherously.

"Goddammit, you two! Keep it in your pants." Russel snapped at them. They laughed at his reaction.

"They did the DJ music before it was DJ music." The blonde girl said.

"Not exactly. The 80's and 90's were the golden age for the DJs. We just borrowed elements of it." Russel explained.

"I like that in the video they mixed the animation with a real life person."

"But wait, we are like, real life people." 2D said, confused. Murdoc shook his head. "Oh no. They're going to feed them the lie. I just know it."

"All right, come on, you got Feel Good Inc." The guy in the red flannel shirt said.

"Windmill, windmill, for the land, turn forever hand in hand..."

"Oh yes. The song that launched a million IPods!" Murdoc said.

"I mean, at the time it was overplayed, but I gotta say, I'm still really proud of that chorus, if I do say so myself." 2D nodded.

"And so you should be 'D." Noodle smiled at him. "This is one of your best performances." 2D blushed a little and smiled.

"Maybe the first song every Gorillaz fan has heard."

"This is like music you listen to driving down the highway, or next to the beach."

"I'm hearing a lot of similarities between their old music and their new music."

"That bass line is so funky!"

"I know right? Still such a fucking sexy tune after all these years." Murdoc chuckled. He wasn't known for modesty.

"I must say," Noodle chimed in. "Demon Days is my pride and joy. Despite all the mayhem that happened to us after, I'm still so proud of how the album turned out." The others agreed. Demon Days may very well have been their Magnum Opus. The video within in the video came to an end.

"Every song is so different, they have one that sounds like R&B and another that sounds like a poppy boy band."

"Don't know which one sounded like a boy band song." 2D said with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm gonna go and listen to them on Spotify now!"

"They're working with so many of my new favourite artists, so it's really sick to have Gorillaz who are so [BLEEP]ing awesome from when I was a kid, to now be even better."

"They fucking censor the fucking swearing? Well, that's fucked." Murdoc said, followed by a laugh.

"The point is, it's real gratifying to see kids who grew up with our music, now returning as adults to show support for the new music." Russel explained.

"Aaaand some of 'em have grown up to be real lookers, Hwahahah- OW, RUSS!" Russel gave Murdoc a smack on the back of the head before he could continue. 2D and Noodle laughed. Murdoc could never help himself.

"So this is Gorillaz, who are well known for not being an actual band, but a virtual band." The interviewer in the video explained to the college kids.

"I knew it!" Murdoc started to yell at the screen. "I knew they were going to feed them the lie! We are real, dammit! It's just a conspiracy conjured up by those wankers Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett!"

"Is it like a Hatsune Miku kind of thing?" One of the kids asked.

"Noodle! What's a Hatsune Miku?" Murdoc barked, still fuming. "Oh well, it's uh. It's a thing created by Yamaha. A marketing thing to sell voice synthesizers." She explained.

"The band consists of two permanent members, one who does the music and one who does the visuals."

"Hewlett may have helped with the visuals over the years, but Damon takes the credit for MY work. It's MY BAND!" Murdoc exclaimed.

"Chill down a bit, Murdoc." 2D said. "You of all people should be more angry, Faceache! Albarn takes all the credit for your vocals!" Murdoc informed him.

"What? Yew serious!?" 2D frowned. "The fuckin' bastard..."

"The reason they created the band was to comment on the lack of substance in popular music."

"Now there's some truth in that." Russel said. "The landscape of popular music at the time was so devoid of soul."

Murdoc agreed. "Yeah, too right mate. From hangers on of the already dead Grunge period like Creed and Limp Bizkit... Ugggh, to dime-a-dozen manufactured groups like Five or S Club 7. 2D actually used to screw one of the birds from that lot."

"Oy, what does that have to do with anythin'? You're the one that fucked that up for me Mudz." 2D frowned at him.

"That's so amazing! That's like a true artist."

"I love it! There's like, mystery behind it."

"That's so innovative."

"It forces the audience to focus more on the music instead of like, "I like this song because it's Nicki Minaj". It makes you focus on whether you truly like the song or not."

"It's good to see that the attitude of thinking for yourself is alive and well." Noodle said. "I've never lost hope for my generation in the artistic standpoint."

"The Chainsmokers are two guys but have new artists come in and help them with their songs. It feels like that's what they're doing."

"Who the bloody hell are the Chainsmokers?" 2D asked. "No idea" Murdoc shook his head. "Me neither" said Russel. "An electronic duo." Noodle said. "They're not anything special."

"So coming in April, Gorillaz will be releasing their first full album since 2011."

"That's right. Album drops April the 28th." Russel grinned.

"Are you going to check it out when it gets released?" The interviewer asked the young adults.

"Hell yeah, they're one of my all-time favourite bands."

"Yeah! They've had so many hits."

"Now that I know more about them, yeah."

"Hell yes! I'm going down to my local music shop, gonna pick up the album, and that's getting played for a month straight."

And with that, the video of the College kids reacting to Gorillaz concluded.

The manager for their channel cleared their throat to gain the band's attention. "So... Do you guys have any final thoughts on this? The kids from the vid may very well watch this one."

"Right, well. I'll go first then, kiddos." Murdoc spoke up before anyone else had the time to talk. "Even if though they were fed the lie that we don't talk about, in all sincerity it was good to see the new stuff gaining attention. And I was honestly shocked that so many of them knew who we were. I assumed the young people had mostly just forgotten about us and moved on to the next big flash in the pan. But nope, sometimes the kiddy winks really do surprise you with how turned on they really are. So uh, thanks for the support and... one more thing: IT'S MY BAND! And don't any of you forget it."

"Ahem," Noodle started. "I'm sure I'm not much older than these people, but it makes me happy to see such other open-minded individuals. I appreciate the passion from some and the curiosity from others. It's was also kind of fun to get a bit of a blast from the past. Some of that stuff I hadn't seen in years. I hope we get see at least some of you when we go on tour!" She smiled.

Russel's turn. "Well, I've said many times before, but it's always going to be the young people who are the most open-minded, while simultaneously being the most misunderstood. It's very easy to write off young people as a shallow, collective stereotype of kids who only follow the trends, and what the media tells them to do. But that's just what the media want you to believe. Not just young people, but even young kids are smarter than you think. Don't write off what they say just because of their age."

"Got a bit deep there, Russ." Murdoc said.

The band then turn to 2D, fiddling with a cigarette. "Wot? Oh yeah, guess it's my turn." he thought about what to say for a moment, before sharing his thoughts.

"Well, I have to say seein' this video was uhh... heartwarming. Yeah, that's a good word for it. Some of these people would've been very lil' kids when the first album dropped. Hell, I know there's some fans that weren't even born when it came out. But to see that so many people have stuck with us for so long, that's incredible. To say to all of the fans, yew've all grown up to be such smart, thoughtful, compassionate, creative and even handsome or beautiful young adults. And that's something to be proud of yerselfs for. If anyone has big aspirations for anything, like not just music, yew've just gotta stay strong and keep working to achieve what you wish for. If yew've got the passion, the world will beat a path to your door... Or drive a car through a store window and knock you out catatonic, as well as both yer eyes, but that may just be me."

That was... more meaningful than they expected. Noodle clapped for 2D. Russel grinned proudly while Murdoc game a small smile. "Ehh, Not bad, Mr Stu-Pot. Not bad."

"All right guys, I think that's a wra-" The manager froze.

"What's wrong?" Asked Murdoc. They turned to face the band nervously.

"I uhh... I think I pressed the wrong button... I forgot to press record on the camera. We'll have to record this reaction again."

"WHAT!?" The four yelped.

They sacked their Youtube manager the next day.

#gorillaz #gorillaz fanfiction #gorillaz fanfic #not an imagine #react

[s3venpounds]

1-50

damn seriously whos doin this fam. like im enjoying myself but im not sure yall even care at this point lmaooooo 

1. have you ever been in love?

i’d like to think yes. if im wrong ive got a HUGE storm coming. pretty sure im in love atm who knows tbh.

2. what are your favourite colours and why?

a sort of lilac shade of purple. idk. 2 reasons i guess. i remember in a video i saw purple is the best color to stand out in terms of cartoons and clothing so thats how they get some villains to stand out so im like heck yeah attention ! lololol that and the color itself just seems “soft” idk

3. who was the last person you held hands with?

UHHHHHHH CK.

4. what is your zodiac sign?

Taurus stubbornly proud.

5. how many times have you read your favourite book?

6 times.

6. what are your favourite films?

how to train your dragon. treasure planet. high school musical series. hercules. pacific rim.big hero 6

7. what kind of weather do you like?

rain. lots of it. or just sunny or slightly cloudy with  ALOT of wind. i love wind. it makes me sleepy.

8. do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sun sets. crazy mindsets and shenanigans happen once the sun sets. but sunrises are good for waking up to while cuddling.

9. what kind of weather represents who you are as a person?

a flood. literal flood warnings. overbearing, extra, clings to the area long after its done. damages everything a little bit. everything is dirty afterwards and everyone is highly annoyed. some idiot decided to swim

10. what’s your favourite animal?

avians. most birds really. i just REALLY want to fly without the aid of a huge plane or something. like squirrel suits or jetpacks

11. what is your favourite song right now?

Lie to me George Nozuka

12. what is your favourite song of all time?

uhm no. I actually don’t show everyone this song because its special to me so i only show it to people who are either close friends or lovers.

13. do you like sunny days or rainy days better?

rainy days. most def.

14. have you ever been heartbroken?

yeah. 

15. what does the perfect kiss feel like?

it feels like every other kiss from every other person doesn’t compare. the lips feel like theyre in the right place. times seems to stop. nothing around seems to matter. past present and future intertwine and creates a phenomenon around you two and suddenly you aren’t aware of anything but the feel of their lips, how warm they are and how fast your heart is beating.

16. what is your favourite poem?

i don’t have a specific poem in mind but i loved a bunch of poems from lang leav’s love and misadventure

17. who are you most inspired by?

a multitude of people. depends on what youre asking about. say if its volleyball im most inspired by the manga characters from haikyuu most notably hinata shoyo because he loves to fly. if its in terms of how physically fit i am it would most likely be chris pratt. its different things and people depending on what youre asking

18. are you spiritual?

pfft i’d like to think no. but its a pretty general term so i could be who knows.

19. what is your favourite plant?

anything that eats spiders, mosquitos and any other venomous creepy crawlies or just any bugs.

20. what is your favourite feeling?

freedom. rushes of adrenaline. or just love. passion burning in the form of love.

21. what is your favourite word?

juxtaposition

22. are you an artist?

nope. i would like to be but i lack the discipline and patience for it.

23. what is your favourite flower?

lavender or lilac? idk

24. are you happy?

im not SAD. but im not happy either. im not neither im more of a constant sad and happy. at the same time

25. what are you thinking about right now?

should i confront this person or not on the day of birthday and assuming i get a negative result shall i drink my memories away? most likely.

26. what emotion do you feel most often?

annoyance and frustration

27. what is your favourite season?

winter.

28. are you in a relationship?

nope.

29. are you an introvert or extrovert?

ive been told im extroverted so ill go with that

30. do you prefer the moon or the stars?

stars.

31. what is your favourite scent?

her. she smells like happiness, the adventures shes been on, the smell of comfort. i just REALLY like it when someone im interested also smells delightful. it like amplifies everything. 

32. where do you feel most at home?

st clements park i ‘spose. maybe my computer chair. in the rays of sun in an open field?

33. what scares you the most?

death.

34. do you believe in soulmates?

yes. 

35. what is your favourite thing about yourself?

my singing? i guess? i use it the most and i enjoy it when i get to sing. or say dumb things with impressions of famous characters or actors/accents

36. what is the nicest compliment you’ve received?

“nice outfit” 

37. who is your favourite music artist?

ahhhhhhhh its a 3 way between Hedley, Goo Goo Dolls, and Aj rafael

38. what was your first kiss like?

awkward, literally not a full kiss just a peck.

39. are you a sensitive person?

apparently so. i’ve been described as emotional and passionate so i suppose.

40. when was the last time you cried?

couple of weeks ago?

41. do you believe that love can last forever?

not forever. forever seems like a label or chain if i die i don’t want to tie down my partner. if they fall even harder for someone in the next life i think i would be wise to let them be happy. 

42. what do you think happens to us when we die?

this is a bit morbid but i personally think we becomes ghosts but we can’t leave our body. when we pass we’re still conscious and see everything that happens to our body but we can’t move. so we get buried, burned etc. screaming at the top of our lungs but unable to do a thing.

43. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

sadly. yes.

44. what do you think about when you can’t fall asleep at night?

how many rounds of masturbating can i go before i pass out involuntarily. lmao jk . i set up my dream like “ okay i’ll be in… a zompie apocalypse living in a somewhat safe city having a sort of drama with other survivors and trying to live day by day off the little rations everyone gets.”

45. do you believe in aliens?

it’d be a lonely ass existence for earth to be the only life for a couple billions lightyears

46. what is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

deal with my shit. honestly im a handful.

47. do you find it hard to trust?

no. i sort of trust everyone until proven theyre not to be trusted. 

48. are you secretive?

to an extent yeah. anyone is usually.

49. what colour are your eyes?

brown? idk i really dont care ahahaha i’ll let my future spouse deal with that.

50. do you have a nickname?

Ag(silver on the periodic table since yknow. my names silver. >.>), tinman, silver yo yo, silverado, silver city.

okay seriously, whoever is doing this, are you doing this out of curiosity or because i asked for it? lmaooo

#ask me dumb questions about myself or just talk to me lmao #anonymous

[honourablejester]

Tzimisce Bond Villains

On the back of my earlier thoughts about what VtM clans are and aren't for me, I got thinking about what kind of characters I'd design for the clans I’m less easy with. Both in terms of practical-to-play and outlandish-thought-experiments-you-could-never-use. And, you know, the Tzimisce are really good for outlandish thought experiment characters?

I was thinking, giving the Vicissitude discipline, the emphasis on the biological, the alien, the inhuman, the polite, the domain-holding, the experimental and the obscene ... You could get some really great Bond villains out of the Tzimisce. I'm talking, like, Roger Moore era Bond, things like Moonraker's Drax and A View To A Kill's Zorin. Soviet Superscience and Nazi Eugenics, write large and given supervillain lairs. Mind you, this could just be me smushing some of my favourite genres together in science fiction, horror and the spy genre, but still. There's some interesting characters could come out of it. 100% OTT, but potentially so much fun.

Let's say, you have a young girl born in the early 20th century, during the dawning of the science fiction era. Say she's born in Russia, or Russia-adjacent. Say she has a scientific bent, a curiosity about the natural and physical worlds. Say she comes into her teens/early adulthood in the 1920s, and sees things like the Russian Revolution, the aftermath of WWI, the physical horrors of war and its aftermath. Let her watch silent films, science fiction. Let her see things like 1924's 'Aelita: Queen of Mars' with its ideas of space, alien life, the overthrow of obsolete elders, or 1927's 'Metropolis' with its ideas of social upheaval, the creation of superior (if robotic) lifeforms, the fall of the elite. Say she develops into a cold, driven young woman, fascinated by science, space flight, the examination of alien beings, the improvement of the human form and mind, the destruction and rebuilding of the human body that medical advances following WWI would have focused on, the destruction and rebuilding of human society into a less fallible, top-heavy model than came before. Maybe she has a fascination for WWI prostheses, for respiratory aids, for the augmenting of the human body via machine, or the rebuilding of human flesh via surgery.

Let's say she draws the attention of a Tzimisce at a medical conference. Let's say, delighted and intrigued by her passionate coldness and her scientific demeanour, he decides to Embrace her, and see what she might do with both vampiric abilities and the knowledge of vampire physiology, the existence of genuinely inhuman higher lifeforms on her own planet. Let's say she takes to her new unlife with disturbingly gleeful fascination. Let's say she pours herself into the explorations of vicissitude with passionate intrigue. I don't think she cares particularly much about the Sabbat as an organisation, beyond some general approval of some of its goals, but she heartily despises the Camarilla. After the horrors of war and revolution, she has nothing but contempt for such a cringing, covert, top-heavy, monstrously false organisation. They are a corrupt remnant of a bygone age, bowing and scraping in terror of obsolete elders and crawling inferiors. Wipe them out. Have done.

Let's say she never abandons her early science fiction dreams either. Let's say WWII and its rockets, superscience and medical horrors only sharpened her intrigue, her dreams and her impatience for a new and better order. Let's say she takes notes, though, particularly of those medical horrors and scientific advancements. Let's even say she plays a role or two. She can't necessarily act particularly human anymore, but during the war in particular that isn't always a disability for her. And then, in the 1950s, the Space Race, the dream of the stars becomes a potential reality, and she is hooked beyond recall on a vision of vampires among the stars. Citadels of Night on the Moon or on Mars, vampiric voyagers spreading out into the void. The colonisation and creation of new territory, whole worlds bound to her name. She turns herself in earnest to testing the possibilities of this dream, to working towards this grand, impossible vision. She experiments with flight, space flight, radiation, gravity, the physical rigours of space on both human and vampiric forms. She works with the various space agencies for as long as she can, disguising herself as various humans as much as she can bear. When that becomes impossible, when she mentally cannot force herself to pretend any longer, she turns to setting up her own organisation and facilities to continue her dream. She learns financial acumen with a brutal, single-minded intensity, and will do absolutely anything to fulfill her dream and destroy anything that gets in her way.

By the time our heroes, whoever they may be, encounter her, she has become the quintessential Bond supervillain, obsessed with her singular goal. Her havens are her lairs, a series of stark, horrifying earthbound medical and launch facilities secreted in inhospitable climates, and then her haven of havens, her piece de resistance: her orbital facility. Half utopian, 1920s space ideal, half horrifyingly inhuman space-based horror show, she's filled it with her flesh-crafted examples of superior lifeforms, custom built to better survive and adapt to life or unlife in space. She herself is no prettier, glorying in inhuman, alien forms. She still carries with her the soil of her birthplace, the earth of her origins, carrying it out with her into her new home among the stars, and she is fiercely determined to further advance her colonisation of the void, all of Earth be damned in the process.

Give her conviction, willpower, leadership, expression, give her medical, scientific and financial acumen. Give her a utopian ideology and a terrifying lack of conscience in its service. Give her a visionary, all-encompassing obsession, and a complete and horrifying ruthlessness in bringing it to fruition. Give her the force of vision and personality to draw other people in around her, vampire, human or ghoul, entranced by the depth and glory of her vision. Give her allies among the fringe and extreme groups of scientific advancement and human and/or vampire utopian ideals. Give her a pitiless, remorseless, completely inhuman demeanour, and these days more or less a complete inability to function in human society or even any vampire society that does not directly support her aims. She has neither time nor patience for politics anymore. Anyone who cannot or will not help her on the strength of her goal alone is an enemy and must be destroyed.

Give her a very Bond-like supervillain name. Maybe she was born something innocent like Alexandra Ershov, but now she is the Void Queen, the Empress of Night, or Lady Tunguska. Make her inhuman, warped, but ferociously compelling, both terrifying and alluring. Make her a spy-and-science fiction horror show in a gothic world, and all the more disturbing for how doubly alien it makes her.

... Yes, I know. Beyond OTT, and middling-to-majorly unsuited for the tone of the game. You couldn't actually play her. But. Kind of a fun thought experiment. I blame, among other things, a whole bunch of SF horror films including Event Horizon, a whole bunch of ridiculous spy films, Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust for the idea of vampiric citadels in space, and a whole bunch of superscience, fringe science and conspiracy theory research I wound up doing for other fandoms.

... I think I need to go to bed now.

#vtm #vampire: the masquerade #tzimisce #spy films #science fiction #OTT #character concept #playing around

[willpollock]

We haven’t had Tangerine Satan president even a week before the wheels have come off the American wagon.

Trump has so many conflicts of interest, so many defiantly ignorant and wrong ideas of procedure and tradition, that gaining focus to resist is not an easy task. Today we’ll take two: his cabinet net worth and treatment of the press.

Remember when Trump said he was “for the little guy?” Yeah about that… The combined net worth of Trump’s cabinet choices and other “important presidential appointments” so far exceed $20 billion. If you isolate just his closest circle (from the WaPo):

The net worth of the Cabinet Trump had selected as of Monday was at least $13.1 billion, based on available estimates, or more than the annual gross domestic product of about 70 small countries.

So when all the focus was on Hillary Clinton being beholden to Wall Street and too cozy with monied donors, he was projecting.

By comparison, by the end of his presidency George W. Bush’s team was worth “about $390 million collectively,” says the Washington Post.

Trump is in fact so corrupt, so full of daily lies, that the resistance to him could splinter since there are so many strands on the sweater to pull.

The one that is currently frying my rice? The reaction of D.C. poh poh to the constitutionally protected action of protesting—and covering those protests. Granted, some of the protestors became violent and caused damage. But that doesn’t justify rounding up whole swaths of people and throwing them in jail—some of them without charges.

I also learned a new word that you need to know: “Kettling.” Think of it as the opposite of law-enforcement restraint. In a nutshell, when police set up a perimeter around a group of protestors, all of the people within that circle are subject to arrest and detention. Here’s the problem: innocent protestors, marchers and, yes, journalists can get ensnared in a situation that could involve confiscation of cell phones and lack of access to communication, food and water, and bathroom services.

D.C. police ignored decades of precedent and “kettled” a large group, including approximately six journalists. All of them are subject to a felony sentence of 10 years in priz or a hefty fine. Sound outlandish? That’s because it is (ThinkProgress):

It’s a tactic known as overcharging, where prosecutors use the threat of long jail terms to induce guilty pleas. Even if Phillips ultimately drops some of these 200-plus felony cases after reviewing evidence more carefully, Hopkins-Maxwell said, he’s already sent a clear and ugly signal.

I don’t see our union can survive this. Setting aside egregious civil liberties violations of the peaceful protestors, our media and legal observers cannot and should not be intimidated into silence. We won’t be silent, either.

  We can thank producer Sheila Nevins for Bright Lights (HBO)—the greatest unintentional farewell gift imaginable. After Nevins had seen Fisher’s show Wishful Drinking (based on the book of the same name, which is great—highly recommended), she thought it would be perfect to adapt it for television.

What was uncovered in that process was the bond these two women shared, and Fisher’s desire to film her mother’s continuing performing verve. “In my heart of hearts, I think Carrie wanted to memorialize Debbie,” Nevins told The Hollywood Reporter.

Bright Lights would have been poignant and sad in its own right without the deaths of Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds a day apart. The doc’s producers moved up the release date from March after they sadly passed away.

Many scenes in this brilliant documentary (which, by the by, will win an Emmy) spoke to me, but most of all, the moment in the antique shop where Carrie was filled with enthusiasm as a collector. “I’m having a crisis of joy” she quipped wistfully. To me this encapsulated her as a person, surviving manic depression and addiction, only to come out on the other side shopping with gusto.

I had the privilege to be at Barack Obama’s inauguration in 2009, and I attended one of the black-tie parties with some pals. Carrie Fisher was there, sitting quietly by the side of the stage, watching Cyndi Lauper sing with Rufus Rainwright. I didn’t know it at the time, but I captured a rare moment of Carrie enjoying the show, seated to the side of the stage—much like I imagine she did when her mother was performing.

I was so happy to dig this series out of the vault so I can share it with you.

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One final postscript: director Fisher Stevens played a bit part in Friends as Phoebe’s annoying psychologist boyfriend who analyzed the bunch, much to their chagrin. Stevens’ interview with Access Hollywood is actually quite good and gives some background on how the two women reacted to the film.

  Last week (CrankyYank Vol. 47) we had esteemed guest blogger and great pal Rob “Reenage” O’Connor review the first episode of Homeland (Showtime) Season 6. He wrote that this new season episodes have “some exciting possibilities in them already, and offer the taste of some real meat as they begin to intertwine.”

I offer a quick counterpoint to Rob’s review, which was largely positive. For me, the first episode landed like the thud of yellowpage books on your front porch. The writing and directing were spotty and vague—certainly not in keeping with past episodes that were built around suspenseful plot arcs and gripping sequences in foreign lands.

As I mention in my sidebar bio, I’m obsessed with the mechanics of filmmaking. In this case, there were many stumbles in the plot and directing that gave me pause. Why did Quinn have to visit the drug den? Why did that intruder come in and decide, “nah, I’ll wait” and pause on his robbery and get serviced by a hooker first. Huh?

I especially loathe when filmmakers do too many takes and try to overlap them to make sense in post-production editing. With a show so heavily reliant on storytelling, tell the fucking story in a single shot, rather that stunt the emotional impact by cutting to different angles. Single long shots ask more of the actors but, in the end, produce a way more convincing product.

Todd VanDerWerff over at Vox has the best take on the series in my view:

Most seasons of Homeland start slowly. Showrunner Alex Gansa and his writers want nothing more than to emulate great spy novels, which take time to build up steam.

  But even by those standards, the early episodes of season six are a patience-testing slow burn. The Quinn stuff is unnecessary, and every other storyline feels like it’s taking place on a different show. It’s not clear why Carrie, Saul, and the president-elect are all in the same series, except for the fact that they have been before. And even when Homeland tries to knit them together, the result feels slightly forced.

The show—even with a surprising course-correction from frantic thriller to build-as-you-go drama—is still one of the best on TV. I’m putting my trust in writers, directors and producers to take us on a ride that both mirrors and exposes political life as we know it.

  My friend Eddie Duke here in Atlanta gave me a heads-up about meditation audio on YouTube that can help you center yourself and encourage you to breathe. Do a search and find one that suits you, but this 3-Hour Reiki Music video above has a great selection of healing, meditative “soundtrack-y” instrumental music that will cure your crankies in no time flat.

  That’s a wrap guys. We’ll see you right back here next Thursday afternoon at 2 p.m.

Will Pollock is an Atlanta-based freelance multimedia journalist focusing on pop-culture, politics, journalism & media, retail, real estate, travel, politics, and human interest. 

He is the author of two books (Pizza for Good & Leaving Triscuit), with more on the way. Sign up for the mailing list, follow on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram—and check out the book links below.

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  CrankyYank Vol. 48: Felony Journalism | ‘Homeland’: The Quieting | Carrie Fisher’s ‘Crisis of Joy’ & More We haven't had Tangerine Satan president even a week before the wheels have come off the American wagon.