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herithage · 2 years

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Entry No. 38: I need to forgive my feelings

September 3rd, 2022

They're just feelings, after all. I can't help them. I also need to forgive myself for feeling those feelings. I thought of that while I pondered my issues with my parents. The main issue is, I don't think I should have issues with my mother. She supports me. She loves me. She accepts me. I am the problem. Well, my feelings are. Who wants to feel neglected, abused, abandoned, or hurt, right? I can't help my resentment. I can't help my fears. My mother loves me, but I am a wounded child. Still.

I think about Haunting of Hill House a lot. It's probably my favorite series ever. I want so badly to write something like it. "What if the kids in horror movies grew up?" Hill House says, they grow up to be messed up adults. I love stories of trauma. I've been thinking of Nellie a lot. How she inherited her mother's suicide. I've used that concept in one of my poems. I think suicide is inherited or contagious. At its core, Hill House is a story of intergenerational trauma. I love the Crain kids. They are so messed up in their own little ways. I love thinking about their relationships with their mother. Steven the eldest who witnessed his mother's downward spiral, who realized he and his father were leaving Olivia in the house too. Imagine how that felt after his mother's suicide. His fear of succumbing to the ghosts of mental illness is so real to me. He thinks his father is the real spectral presence in the family—how he did and said nothing. He is so afraid of becoming like them, don't you see? Like his parents. He tries so badly to be different, to break generational curses. I feel so much for him. I love Shirley's anger. I love her guilt. I am perhaps most kinning to her. I think Shirley inherits more from their father than the mother. She wants to be the fixer. She doesn't say or express shit. She's just angry. A part of me wishes she (or one of the kids) was angry at the mother as well. I can see her resenting her mother for choosing death over them. It's one of those feelings that we don't normally publicize as human beings, but we truly feel. Theodora the walled-up mediator. She distances herself from everything that it turns her numb after touching Nell's body. I love, love her desparation to feel something from Nell. True bargaining. "Please, please, I just want to see something from her this once please please". Luke and the horrors that still follow him. Abigail's death. Ghosts. Nightmares. Suicides. Who wouldn't do drugs after all that shit? Lastly, Nellie. The one I said inherited her mother's suicide. When I think of killing myself, I think of my brother. I don't want the chances to be higher for him. Nellie's mother literally tried to kill her and Luke. That alone would be enough reason for most people to end everything. But Nellie was so good. She was sweet. She tried. She tried. No one picked up. No one believed. Suicide is terrifying. I don't want to miss any calls. I don't want to leave anyone on read. I can't regret anything when someone kills themself.

I'm scared of death. I'm scared of ghosts I cannot ever face. I'm scared of my feelings towards my mother and father. I'm scared of being alone.

My favorite song this week is Haunted House by Florence + The Machine. My heart is like a haunted house. I am not free at all. We never escape our ghosts. We don't get saved by the priest or the cops. We just learn to live and cope with their spectral presence hanging in our hearts. We are not free at all.

#doomed diary

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scatcrccio · 9 days

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@svnbleach (theodora crain) sent: ❛ please, just tell me the truth, even if it hurts. i can handle it. ❜

THEO DIDN'T SEEM THE TYPE TO CARE ABOUT what other people thought. Her past was just as secretive and lucrative as Nat's own which is what essentially bonded them together in some bullshit aura setting that didn't need to be outwardly mentioned between them. It's what Nat liked most about the other woman; why her presence was almost soothing in a fucked up sort of way. Theo doesn't like to touch and Nat doesn't like to be touched in turn, even though secretly, she craves that subtle bit of intimate contact deep down.

She'd never say so and the mystery remained intriguing. But the sudden insistence pulls something within her that causes a single step forward, ❝ No. ❞ She states with a stern tone, eyes almost glaring and lips scrunched inwards soon after. ❝ Since when did you start giving a shit anyway—? You're just as held back as I am. What changed? I just want things to go back to normal… ❞ as normal as things could be at this point, which wasn't very normal at all in reality. Nor could things ever be normal again given their individual histories that they each knew little to nothing about in relation to one another as it currently stood.

#svnbleach #svnbleach (theo)#inside the cage —— (verse 001).#arc: hill house #「messages.」#「meme responses.」

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touchoftheo · 3 years

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theodora crain there is nobody like you 😌✨

#theo crain #haunting of hill house #kate siegel #hill house #haunting of bly manor #lgbtq #theodora crain #dont touch me #lgbtpeople #netflix #mine

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nepa · 6 years

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Why Theo is the best character of THOHH

- She is the only character closest to the novel canon (and film adaptations) of a non-straight woman with psychic abilities.

- The intimacy issues against the empathy is a great dichotomy that add power to her.

- Her work as a psychologist is remarkable, helping vulnerable children, with all the burden that she carries with herself. Be part of a suffering and try to continue with her life.

- The vision of her sexual orientation. She wasn't defined for their lovers drama or the suffering for a girl. She is her by herself. The drama and the journey is for her own growing up and the love is something that will compliment her.

- Her "coming out the closet" with Steve and Nell is so funny and so tender. And with Shirley is hilarious!

- The relation with Shirl is confident and trying to care her. And the boob scene gave us a realistic and fresh sister-sister moment.

- The episode 8. The monologue about the "nothing". Fantastic! Just that.

- She is a giver!

- Her sense of humor and the "fuck up!" attitude.

- Is the LGBT character that we deserve.

#the haunting of hill house #theo #theo crain #theodora crain #hill house #thohh #lgbt #pride #lgbtq #touch me

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dimitrescus-bitch · 4 years

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Push (Theo Crain x Reader)

smut

You’d known Theo a lot longer than any other woman in her life. For the most part, there wasn’t any romance between the two of you. Sure, you slept together and stuff, but Theo hadn’t tried to give anything more than that. In fact, if you tried to further things, she’d always push you away. It hurt, but you understood that feelings were not her thing and she held herself in a certain way.

It didn’t stop you from letting her in every single time. Most of the time, you had to wait for her to decide that she wanted you. Theo just had to get back into the mindset that you were like her, not for relationships. After she’d fooled herself like that, she came back to make a fucking fool out of you.

“It’s looking like a dry night,” Theo said as she turned her back to the dance floor once again. The two of you had come out to the club so she could try to get laid, but despite the numerous women giving Theo the stare, she wasn’t noticing. In fact, she was actively ignoring every single person in that club that tried giving her attention.

“I’m sure the four girls that you turned down are thinking the same thing,” you snorted. Theo set her drink down and reached out to touch your cheek. The gloves were a part of Theo, just as much as her skin in your eyes. She was always wearing them. It was a spectral sensitivity. At least, that was the name you’d given whatever power her mother had bestowed upon her. Maybe the reason that Theo had kept you close all these years was because instead of calling her freak or crazy when she told you about her hands, you were fascinated and did everything in your power to understand her.

“Maybe I’m looking for something more familiar,” Theo said, pushing herself closer to you. You were partially trapped against the bar, but she gave you an easy way out. If, for any reason, you didn’t want her, Theo would understand and move on once she knew you were fine. It was weird because you knew she cared about you, but she wouldn’t love you.

“At this point, you might as well just buy a bottle and come over,” you told her. She tilted her head and pulled you away from the bar. She paid for your drinks and then whisked you away out to the night air. You called the cab and she gave directions. It wasn’t often that you got to spend the night at her place, especially if Shirley was home. In fact, if Shirley was there, Theo would keep you as far away from her place as she could for as long as she could.

“I love this song,” Theo said as she hummed along to the radio. You recognized it as something that’d played at prom. You remembered that night because it’d been the first time you’d ever kissed a girl. It was the first time you’d ever kissed Theo.

“What do you think of when you hear it?” you asked her.

“I guess I think of prom night after your date left with that stupid underclassmen because she was gonna put out for him,” Theo said, disdain in her voice. You reached out to hold her hand and she let you, humming contentedly as she leaned towards you. “You were so upset and then we started dancing. I didn’t know it, but that was when I figured it out, that I liked women because I was dancing with the most beautiful one in the room.”

“Theodora Crain, are you being romantic?” you asked and Theo pushed your shoulder playfully. “I figured out that I didn’t like boys that night.”

“When I kissed you?” Theo asked and you nodded. She leaned down and pressed a tentative kiss to your lips. “It was just like that, wasn’t it?”

“The first one was. The one when our dance was over, but the ones behind the bleachers were not the same,” you said and Theo chuckled. “Still, even when you were pulling my hair a little and biting my lip because you wanted to know if it was sexy, you were more gentle than he was.”

“Here’s our stop,” Theo said, completely distancing herself from whatever thoughts were causing the soft look on her face. She opened the door and helped you out of the cab. You paid the cabbie and then followed her inside. She made sure to keep you quiet until you were inside of the house. Then, she seemed to not care how loud the two of you were.

She brought you straight back to her bedroom. There were certain things that Theo knew you loved, so she did them. She pressed you against the wall as she kissed you. She made sure to remove your clothes in a frantic manner as she led you back to her bed. She paid attention to what your body responded to with her touches and kisses. She stopped on her way between your legs to trace the intricate tattoo spanning across your hip bones.

“Y/n,” Theo said as she sat up a little bit. You propped yourself up on your elbows and looked at her.

“Is something wrong?” you asked her and she shook her head.

“Do you think I could use the strap this time?” Theo asked and you nodded. She smiled and the two of you quickly traded places. Theo was definitely a giver, but there was a rule when she topped you with the strap-on. She went first so you could make sure that you got to do something for her. You didn’t rush, but you didn’t move slowly with her. Theo was antsy to fuck you and patient wasn’t a word you’d come to associate with a horny Theodora Crain.

Any time spent between her legs was good in your eyes. It was one of the few times that you could physically show her how much you loved and appreciated her without getting pushed away. She accepted every bit of your love that way and you felt complete for a little while. You could make her feel good and forget about the hardships she’d faced for a bit.

“Y/n,” Theo moaned as your tongue found her clit. She threw her head back in pleasure when your fingers joined the mix. You started to move your tongue in more intricate patterns and her back arched. She pushed her hips up and ground herself against your tongue. You pushed with your tongue a bit more and twisted your fingers up a bit inside of her.

Her bedroom quickly filled with moaning as she inched closer and closer to cumming. As she approached her climax, you lightly used your teeth to give her that extra little push and she snapped then and there. You guided her down from her orgasm with your fingers as you sat back and watched Theo shake. She composed herself as quickly as she could and then laid you back on the bed.

“There’s almost no point in checking if you’re ready,” Theo said as she sat in between your legs. She had her hands on your thighs, rubbing ever so slowly up and down. You bit your lip as she moved closer to your center each time. Finally, you felt her middle finger barely push inside of you and she smirked. “But that doesn’t mean I won’t.”

“Fuck Theo.” Your voice was a bit gruffer than usual, but she made you that way. It was like your entire body was anticipating the pleasure that’d be making you scream out later. Theo was a show-off when it came to the bedroom. If you tried to keep yourself quiet, she’d do something that made you lose control of yourself, just a little bit.

“That, like you, comes later after I get a taste,” Theo said as she shifted backwards a bit. She leaned down and licked over your entrance. She hummed and you choked on whatever you had been planning to tell her. She teased you a bit more and then when your body was practically buzzing from excitement, she left you. You snapped out of your near-sex haze very quickly and in an almost panicked manner, scrambled to the edge of the bed to watch her. Theo wasn’t dragging anything out, but you felt like she was.

“Come on, you can’t just leave me like that,” you whined as Theo walked back over to the bed. She leaned down to kiss you and you scrambled backwards. You laid with your head against the pillows and Theo hovered above you. She grabbed your thighs and slid her hands down to your hips. She held onto your hips as she slid into you.

“I would never leave you like that.” It was a lie, Theo had done it so many times before. Some of them had been intentional, but others had not. Theo could be a tease and sometimes you got to be like her test subject when she found out about something new to try. You didn’t mind it, but you were not there for the delayed gratification phase Theo tried out. Psych majors.

Theo started slowly, but once she was sure you had adjusted well and were ready for her to give more, she sped up. Her thrusts gained more depth and there was a bit more force. Theo moved one of her hands up to cradle your head before moving to grab onto the headboard. Your arms wrapped around her neck and you went to kiss her. Normally, that wouldn’t have been acknowledged, but Theo kissed you back as she continued to fuck you. As you got closer to cumming, you dropped your arms and Theo moved her hands so they were right next to either side of your head.

Theo didn’t stay in bed with you for very long after the two of you were finished. She kept herself busy and you decided to get ready before she came back. It hurt less to be pushed away by Theo Crain when you were wearing pants. It was a lot less humiliating on your end at the very least. She seemed confused when she came back to see you getting dressed though.

“Where are you off to?” Theo asked as she set a cup of tea down on the bedside table. “Normally you want to stay.”

“Normally you push me away,” you said and Theo pulled you back over to the bed. “What’s different about tonight?”

“I’m not sober enough to push you away like an idiot,” Theo said and you rolled your eyes. “That was a very strong drink at the club.”

“Must have been some beer.” You decided to play along with her, at least for tonight. “Hopefully strong enough to last until tomorrow. I expect breakfast ma’am.”

“You can have me and pancakes, in that order,” Theo told you and you liked the sound of that. “But first, take your clothes back off and lay down with me. It’s warmer when you’re naked and I just turned the AC on.”

#Theo Crain #theodora crain #theodora crain x reader #theo crain x reader #theo crain imagine #theo crain imagines #theodora crain imagines #theodora crain imaigne #the haunting of hill house #the haunting of hill house imagines #the haunting of hill house imagine #the haunting of hill house x reader #thohh imagine #thohh x reader #thohh imagines #thohh

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amwritesitall · 4 years

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Dating Theodora Crain in University Would Include

Masterlist

I hope you guys like this! I had a lot of fun writing it! I might consider writing a part two?

Dating Theodora Crain in University Would Include

You meet Theo in one of the classes the two of you have together

At this point, Theo wasn’t a player

She is confident, but still getting comfortable with who she is

You are instantly drawn to her the minute she walks in

Looking at her during class, but quickly glancing away when she meets your gaze

You knew she was extremely intelligent

She always had the right answer whenever the professor called on her

You want to talk to the woman, but every time you try to catch her after class she is always long gone

You finally get to know Theo when you and her are paired together for a project

That day is the first time you’re able to talk to Theo after class

“Hi, I’m (Y/N) and I guess we’ll be working together” you say, smiling

“Theodora, but you can call me Theo. Do you want to come over to my place later to start working on the project?”

You learn that Theo is very serious about this project which means that the two of you were meeting at least twice a week

But you don’t mind at all. You love any chance to see Theo

The meetings start out pretty normal with the two of you focusing mainly on the project

Slowly, as you keep meeting, you start learning little bits of information about her

You like to crack jokes to get her to smile and laugh

One time when you and Theo stay up late working, the two of you get off track and start talking

You end up completely ignoring the project (since you two already finished what you were supposed to be working on for the night) and talk long into the night in Theo’s dorm room

You sit on her bed and swap childhood stories

You learn that she has a big family and she tells you about her siblings

You tell her about your family back home

You’re not going to deny that when you learned that she was into girls your heart leaped a little

From that night on, Theo and you talked more and more every day

The two of you even started texting each other about things other than the project

One night, you notice that Theo has stopped wearing her gloves when the two of you hangout

You don’t say anything about it though

When you pass her a paper to look at her touch lingers and a small smile forms on her lips

This causes you to blush and you avoid the brunette’s gaze

“(Y/N)?” Theo says trying to get your attention, but you just hum in response, still avoiding her gaze

Theo reaches out and lightly grabs your hand, “(Y/N),” she tries again

This time you look over at her

“Do you like me?” She asks even though she knows the answer

You feel your cheeks heat up as you nod in response

She smiles at you, “Can I kiss you?”

You say yes and the brunette leans in closer, kissing you softly

You and Theo were in a relationship soon after that night

The two of you hung out even more than you already did

You stay the night at her place all the time

Her running her fingers up and down your arm or back to fall asleep

You and Theo could also be found in the library helping each other study as well

Eating meals in the dining hall together

Sunday afternoons spent finding a sunny spot and laying out on the lawn reading books together

Holding hands while walking across campus

After a few months of dating, Theo opens up to you about the real reason she wears gloves all the time

“You stopped wearing your gloves around me?”

“I like the way you make me feel”

Taking turns going home with Theo for the holidays and taking her home with you

Theo comes out to her family by bringing you home as her girlfriend

Her family loves you

They love how happy you make her and they love to pick on Theo about how in love she looks with you

“Is our little Theo in love”

“Shut up Steve.”

“I think our Theo has finally fallen for someone”

“Not you too Nell! You’re supposed to be on my side!”

The next year, you and Theo move into a dorm together

And every year after that you and her have an apartment together

Theo invites you to go to all of her family events like weddings

You’re her date to Shirley, Steve, and eventually Nell’s wedding (but Nell’s is after the two of you have graduated)

Theo proposes during the holidays when you and her are in graduate school

Her family is extremely happy to welcome you in as the newest Crain

You might like: Dating Lana Winters as a Teen Would Include or Ally Mayfair-Richards Dating a Younger Woman Would Include

#theodora crain #theo #theo crain #haunting of hill house #the haunting of hill house #haunting of hill house imagine #imagine #would include #hc #kate siegel #theo crain x reader #theo crain imagine #theodora crain imagine #theodora crain x reader #theodora x reader #theo x reader #the haunting of hill house imagine

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delicatebluebirdruins · 2 years

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the haunting of hill house by shirley jackson

I enjoyed the first part of the book and then Mrs Montague/Arthur turned up and it lost steam with an added bonus of irritation to the point I wanted the house to torment them both and have them be the ones who die but oh no...

and the ending is so strange

and now onto the good stuff... the reason I got and read the book for... references to the book inside the show by Mike Flanagan

“Hill House, not sane stood by itself against it’s hills, holding darkness within; it had stood for eighty years and might stand for eighty more.WIthin, walls continued upright, bricks met neatly, floors were firm and doors sensibly shut; silence lay steadily against the wood and stone of hill house and whatever walked there walked alone“ this iconic quote bookends (hehe I know there is a technical term for it but I cannot think of it or don’t really have the inclination to look it up) the start and end of the book and does the same in the show but the shows ending version of this quote is very different (and whatever walked there walked together)

the introduction to Eleanor and the reason she was invited to Hill House “when she was twelve years old and her sister was eighteen, and their father had been dead not quite a month, showers of stones had fallen on their house, without any warning or any indication of purpose or reason, dropping from the ceilings, rolling loudly down the walls and pattering maddeningly on the roof“

in the youtube video Stretching Genre: a haunting of hill house essay the speaker noted that book Eleanors story was split between Eleanor and Olivia Crain. I was curious to see what they meant by that and saw their meaning of it clearly with this quote

“don’t do it, Eleanor told the little girl, insist on your cup of stars; once they have trapped you into being like everyone else you will never see your cup of stars again...“

“she nearly stopped forever just outside Ashton, because she came to a tiny cottage buried in a garden. I could live there all alone, she thought... I will light a fire in the cool evenings and toast apples at my own hearth. I will raise white cats and sew white curtains for the windows and sometiimes come out of my door to go to the store to buy cinnamon and tea and thread. People will come to me to have their fortunes told, and I will brew love potions for sad maidens; I will have a robin...“

from page 36 “journeys end in lovers meeting“

when Eleanor gets shown the blueroom “i am like a small creature swallowed whole by a monster... and the monster feels my tiny little movements inside“

on page 72 of my copy “perfectly splended“ and “I was whipped for throwing a brick through a greenhouse roof. I remember I thought about it for a long time the whipping but remembering also the lovely crash“

“the second Mrs Crain died of a fall“

“theodora’s hand on her own embarrsed her. She (eleanor) disliked being touched“

the location of the houses su1cide spots

page 110 “shimmering in the dim room, she waltzed alone“

118 the heart of the house

124 asking Eleanor to leave

128 knocking on the doors

134 chasing a dog like animal

141 bad ghosts drive out the good- this stood out to me more when rewatching Bly Manor

146 “help Eleanor come home“ and everyone blaming her for it

162 “she clutched Theo’s hand“.... “who’s hand was I holding?“

172 “fear and guilt are sisters“

I want Mrs Montague and Arthur to have a horrific accident I really don’t like them their intoduction in the story made my rating go from 4 to 2.5

188 “planchette was quite insistent about a nun“

every year National Book Tokens with Caboodle make a game and you have to look at a picture and guess a book title (I can’t complete I only found out about it this year) and this year in our scene there was a missing poster for a nun and it didn’t have me as stumped as some of the others did (that fucking lollipop man) but title is what is a nun also called “sister“ they had a story about a estranged sister earlier on but they all didn’t think about it did they (probably to busy wondering how much trouble they’d get into if they bashed Mrs M with it)

192 planchette rambles about mothers and home and Nell

219 the gratten murders

240 they made a solid line

246 last line (duh)

I liked it until Mrs M turned up and it went down hill and it just ends for everyone (that type of ending just seeing snapshots of later in life stuff is better on screen then on page)

#the haunting of hill house #the haunting of hill house book #ellie reads #cw suicide mention #can you tell when I ran out of motivation to actually get the full quote from the book?#CAN YOU

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hewhofragments · 3 years

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"You ought to know why I did it. I touched Nell because I had to know. You know what I'm talking about. Don't pretend that you don't. You know what happens when I touch people. A part of you knows, it always has. I had to know and I. . . I touched her. And I felt nothing. Just nothing.

"And it spread, it spread everywhere in me, this nothing, until I couldn't feel anything anymore. I was just this dark, empty black hole. And I tried to fill it up, I tried to fill me back up, and I called Trish and she came right away and I felt nothing. And then I tried to mourn at the wake and I felt nothing, and so I drank and I drank, and nothing worked. I couldn't feel anything, Shirley. After I touched her skin, I couldn't feel anything. And then we're in the basement and the lights go out. And I can't see. And I can't feel. And I'm just - I'm just floating in this ocean of nothing, and I wonder if this is it, if this is what death is, just out there in the darkness, just darkness and numbness and alone, and I wondered if that's what she felt and that's what Mom feels, and it's just numb and nothing and alone. What if that's what it is for all of us when the time comes?

"And then the lights came on and there he was, and I... I didn't see him. I didn't see him. He was the light in the darkness. He was a life preserver in the ocean. I just - I reached for him because I had to feel something. I had to feel anything. And I didn't see him. I didn't - I didn't see him. I didn't see him. I didn't see him! And he stopped me. He stopped me. He took my hands, and he said no, and then I saw him, and then you walked in. God, I'm so glad I did it, though. Because it worked. Oh, God, it worked. I started feeling things again, and I felt - I felt shame, and I felt grief, and I felt scared. I felt so fucking scared that I was gonna lose the only sister that I had left. And I... Honestly, I had to do it, because it felt better than nothing. That thorough fucking shame was so much better than that horrible, empty nothing. I can't - Shirley, please. I am - I am so - I am so, so, so sorry. I'm so sorry. Please, just please."

- Theodora Crain from The Haunting of Hill House

#the haunting of hill house #theodora #theodora craine #nothing #alone #no feeling #death

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morningsound15 · 4 years

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The Wedding: A Sombre Affair

Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie, Theodora “Theo” Crain & Jamie

Rating: G

Word Count: 2,753. Complete.

just a little Haunting of Hill House/Bly Manor crossover because it wouldn’t leave my brain! enjoy the drabble

Jamie takes a long sip of her whiskey. She hopes it will calm her shaking hands, but they shake all the time, now. Whether she’s sober or not. Age or arthritis or exhaustion catching up with her. It’s hard to say which. All she knows is her joints are stiff and her hands shake.

She rests her head on the cool wood of the mantle, taking a moment to breathe in the silence. The story always takes a lot out of her. She’s perfected its telling over the past few decades, carefully working the cadence of her voice, getting the pacing just-so, drawing out the people in her memories until they’re actual characters, realized and lovely and full of life. She tries to be kind to them, in her retelling. She tries to think of them sympathetically, as all people deserve to be thought of, but she knows that some of her embellishments are too liberal to be fully believable.

Even so, all good ghost stories need some embellishment.

She’s just not sure which parts are real and which are embellishment anymore.

It’s hard to even know how many of her memories are truly hers. Bly Manor feels a hundred lifetimes ago, and with every passing year it feels further and further still. Slipping out of her grasp like the sands of time through her fingertips. It’s a feature of the mysterious house that the memories caught within are destined to wither and fade — to wash away smooth, like rough stone at the bottom of a lake. That’s part of why she tells the story as often as she does. She needs to preserve the memory of Bly and the ghosts within.

That’s all ghosts are, really. Just memories the living refuse to let go of.

It’s a small comfort that Miles and Flora don’t remember much of their childhood at Bly Manor. Children aren’t meant to live through terrible things. The ghosts have long left them behind, and unburdened they have become lovely young people, vibrant and full of life. Flora is married now, and she made a truly beautiful bride. Jamie spins the ring on her finger, thinking of her own marriage-that-wasn’t. It’s not a melancholy memory, not anymore. She once was overcome with sadness and grief over her own loss, the future that was stolen from her, the forever happiness she could once taste on the tip of her tongue, but that feeling has long since faded. She is an old woman now, too old to be overcome with such sadness.

Still, weddings are something of a sombre affair.

“Your story was wonderful,” a voice says behind her, and Jamie straightens, subtly wiping at the moisture in the corner of her eyes.

She turns to see a young woman behind her. She looks strangely familiar, though Jamie is certain they’ve never met. Her hair hangs in loose waves, the dark blue of her dress contrasting with her pale skin. Her face is angular and her eyes are a cutting pale green, so light they’re almost blue.

It’s her eyes that are so shocking. They knock the breath out of her. Jamie stares at the woman for a long moment, unable to speak. Dani’s eyes had been almost exactly the same colour (when they had been her eyes alone, when they had been hers and not Hers).

The woman must see the hesitance on her face. She holds a hand out. She’s wearing a pair of long evening gloves, silk. They go all the way past her elbows. A curious look, for a wedding that isn’t black-tie.

Jamie’s always had a preternatural ability to tell when a woman is gay. She knew Dani was interested in her the moment their eyes met. It had been a dangerous feeling, electric and sharp up through her spine. She ignored it for as long as she could, but Dani was a magnetic presence; not easily ignored.

“Theodora,” the woman says when Jamie takes her hand. “My friends call me Theo.”

Jamie knows as soon as she shakes this woman’s hand that she’s a lesbian. Call it intuition, call it perception. Either way, it relaxes her. She’s long grown tired of explaining her bachelordom to well-meaning young straight women who see her refusal to re-marry as petrifying as a death-sentence. As if to be unloved for a moment is to be wholly miserable. As if there is nothing more terrifying than being an old woman with no partner to hold her at night.

(They misunderstand her. They think that being single means she is unloved. She isn’t. She’s been loved wholly and completely, all-consuming and never-ending, since she was a young woman. She’s never doubted it for a moment.)

(Sometimes she feels arms wrap around her in her sleep. In her dreams she is warm and loved. She feels the presence of another human being in her bed, feels warm breath on the back of her neck. It’s always gone by the time she wakes up, but she chases that feeling, longs for it every time she closes her eyes.)

(She looks for her in the mirror, in the bath, in the silver chrome of napkin dispensers, the dark emptiness of a dormant television, in her makeup compact. No one else ever looks back, no one but her own face.)

“Nice to meet you, Theo.”

She finds young queer women particularly interesting. Sometimes, though not often, she allows herself to think of what her life might have been like, had she and Dani been born a few decades later, had they come of age in a world more prone to acceptance and open-mindedness than the stifling environment they lived in. She doesn’t think about it often — it’s a sad thought, not worth dwelling upon. Besides, she wouldn’t trade their time together for anything. It was perfect, exactly as it was, exactly when it was. It’s not worth thinking of might-have-beens.

“I’m sorry to bother you,” Theo says, looking a little uncomfortable. She stares at Jamie intently, as if studying her. As if looking for something hidden in her face. She wonders if she looks as familiar to Theo as Theo does to her. She wonders if that means anything, or if it’s just another occurrence in a life of strange occurrences. A remarkable coincidence of mutual and impossible recognition.

“Are you with the bride’s family?” Jamie doesn’t recognize her, but then again she’s not particularly close to the Wingraves anymore. Not enough to keep track of their extended friends and family.

But Theo shakes her head. “The groom. Old family friends. My sister is getting married next year. John’s going to be in the wedding party.”

“Ah.” The silence between them is awkward. Jamie doesn’t know what to say, nor how to politely excuse herself. “Lovely service, wasn’t it?”

Theo nods. “Very sweet. Short.”

“Yes, short is usually better, as these things go.”

Jamie looks down at her empty whiskey glass and longs for a top off. The reception isn’t even halfway done, and she’s already fulfilled her role as ‘Elder Relative Storyteller’ for the evening. She has nothing left to do but linger until it’s appropriate for her to slip off on her own.

She much prefers being alone these days. Other people are challenging for her, difficult to trust. They find her difficult to understand. Best to be avoided altogether.

“Can I help you with something?” Jamie asks when Theo still doesn’t speak. “You look like you have something on your mind.”

“Can I ask…?” Theo clears her throat, clearly uncomfortable. “It’s about your story. The gardener.”

Jamie swallows the wavering smile and keeps her expression neutral. “Of course. What did you want to know?”

“Why did she stay with the au pair? She knew their love was doomed, but she stayed with her all those years. Why?”

Jamie’s smile is tiny, but she can’t help its presence. Thinking of Dani always makes her smile. Even when it’s tinged with sadness. “The gardener knew that she wouldn’t be able to have the au pair with her forever. But love and possession are opposites. Loving her was never about having her.”

“But the au pair’s spirit never returned. She left the gardener alone. She could have taken her in the lake; they could have been together forever. Isn’t that… isn’t that what they both would have wanted?”

“To truly love another person is to accept the work of loving them is worth the pain of losing them,” she says, repeating Owen’s words from a night ago. It is a lovely summation of her own life, though it’s painful to hear. “Dead is not gone.”

Theo takes a shaky breath. She closes her eyes.

Theo has a haunted look to her. Jamie wonders if she has ghosts of her own, hiding somewhere just out of sight. Occasionally she meets others like her; people with histories long-buried, with ghosts lingering in the closet. People who have lost too much too young, who have death sticking to their souls like an unescapable shadow.

She wonders if that’s why Theo sought her out. Those who have been touched by spirits have a certain sadness to them. Prolonged contact with the dead has that effect.

“It really was a lovely story,” Theo says again. Her eyes are wide, kinder now. They shine with something. Jamie wouldn’t call it tears. Maybe ‘melancholy’.

“Just an old wives’ tale,” Jamie dismisses. “Something to set the mood. Weddings have a way of making a person think of her own mortality. And it’s an old house. Old houses deserve ghost stories.”

“Is that all it is? A ghost story?”

Jamie’s lips twitch. “I always thought so. Flora disagrees.”

“Flora?”

She shakes herself. She keeps forgetting. “The bride,” she explains. “When she was a girl we called her Flora. The nickname lingers, though she doesn’t respond to it anymore.”

“She didn’t like your ghost story?”

“She didn’t think it was a ghost story at all. She said it was a love story.”

“Same thing, really,” Theo whispers, and Jamie sucks in a quiet breath.

“Yes. I suppose so.”

Theo continues to stare at her, and it’s getting a little unnerving. She regards Jamie with a gaze that is unblinking and fixed. She traces the lines in Jamie’s face, the grey of her hair, the veins on the backs of her hands. It would be uncomfortable, or maybe erotic, except there is nothing like desire in the woman’s gaze; nothing that says she’s interested in what she’s seeing. More like she’s troubled by it. Or disappointed.

“You still have something on your mind, Theo,” Jamie says kindly. People, like ghosts, have a tendency to linger as long as their business is unfinished. She doubts she’ll have a moment of peace tonight until Theo decides that her curiosity has been tempered. “And I’m beginning to doubt it has anything to do with my ghost story.”

“Sorry. I don’t mean to stare. You… look like someone I used to know. And I thought…” She looks down at her own hands, encased in black silk. She pulls at the fingers of her right hand glove, one by one freeing the digits from their confinement.

Jamie watches her carefully. Theo flexes her fingers and holds her hand out again.

Jamie doesn’t know what makes her want to take the woman’s hand. She knows with a settling finality that she’s going to; there are some things that are destined, even tiny moments such as this. And she’s long believed in destiny.

She still hesitates for a moment. She’s not sure what’s going to happen when their skin meets, but the way Theo looks at her makes her think it’s not something she wants to find out. That only makes her more curious.

It’s been a long time since she sought out physical contact. It had been too difficult after Dani. No one else ever touched her the way Dani had, and no one ever could. She used to wonder what she would have done if she’d been able to touch Dani one more time. She hadn’t been able to swim low enough. The Lake was too deep, or Dani hadn’t wanted her to. She’s not sure if those are different things. She’d reached out, longed for Dani to take her in her arms once more and hold tight and never let her go. She’d wondered if Dani’s skin would have been warm or cool to the touch, and which would have been worse — knowing she’d only just missed saving her, or knowing that she’d been taken long ago, and there was nothing in her power that could have saved her from the Lady of the Lake.

Theo doesn’t prod her. Jamie takes her hand of her own volition.

She’s not sure what she expected. Something electric. Some shifting of the world, a re-focusing of spiritual energy maybe. Maybe an apparition appearing behind her eyes, a chill down her spine. The presence of something or someone long-dormant, exploding into being.

The touch is unremarkable. Theo’s hands are soft and warm. Her gloves have kept her skin baby smooth. She holds Jamie’s hand more softly than when they shook earlier, and Jamie looks at where their hands touch, her older sun-damaged skin standing in stark contrast to the perfect youth in front of her.

Something settles in her stomach. It’s not a feeling she can describe, but it settles and when she looks at her hands again they’ve stopped trembling.

Curious.

“The gardener really loved her,” Theo says quietly, her hand still soft in Jamie’s. And Jamie nods, unable to speak.

“The au pair… she loved the gardener, too. That’s why she left her. By leaving she knew she was leaving her true love, too. But… she had to.” Jamie blinks. “If she stayed she was risking them both. And Dani would never risk that. She couldn’t risk you.”

Jamie’s knees buckle underneath her. She drops Theo’s hand as if burned and takes a few stumbling steps back. Her glass slips from her trembling fingertips and it shatters against the floor.

Theo recoils, quickly slipping her hand back into her glove. “I’m sorry,” she whispers, casting her eyes about wildly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I’m sorry.”

“Who are you?” Jamie whispers. She knows this woman’s face. She’s seen it before, somewhere long-ago… in her dream, or in the shivering surface of a warm bath, or at the bottom of a frigid, misty lake…

“Aunt Jamie!” Miles catches her elbow, steadying her. Jamie blinks, his face swimming in front of her eyes for a few moments before it sharpens. “Are you alright?” He looks towards a nearby waiter. “Come clean this glass up!” he snaps. “Someone could get hurt.”

He leads her gingerly to a nearby couch, despite her protestations. “I’m fine,” she promises. “Just a bit too much to drink. This old house is drafty. I’m fine, I promise.” Still, he doesn’t leave her side until she’s had some water and bread, until her heart rate has slowed and the band resumes playing.

The strange woman in the gloves has long-since vanished, and though Jamie looks for her for the rest of the night, she never sees her again.

She falls asleep in her room later, and it is a fitful sleep. She curls up on an armchair, uncomfortable and cold, but she prefers to sleep this way. The discomfort prevents her from sinking into a too-deep sleep. It means she is perpetually unrested, but she’s gotten used to the exhaustion. The alternative — that she will sleep through the night, sleep through a visitor, any attempted contact… it’s not something she is willing to risk.

It’s a fitful sleep, full of fitful dreams. Smoky haze and icy water. Dani is there, or maybe she isn’t, and a woman she knows but cannot see, a woman with wavy brown hair and long slender fingers who reaches for her, reaching out out out—

A warmth settles over her, so slowly she doesn’t even notice it. Her dream grows restful again, her breathing steadies. She sleeps as if on the softest bed, wrapped in the warmest blanket. Her mind is empty of all worries. She sees Dani closer now, sharper. Her smile and her smell, her eyes brilliantly blue and all hers, all her.

Jamie smiles in her sleep. The hand on her shoulder tightens. The calm settles over the hotel room, just a woman and her memories, a woman and her ghost.

#dani x jamie #theo crain #the haunting of hill house #the haunting of bly manor #a crossover because i couldn't stop thinking about it #canon compliant #fanfiction #mine

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ververa · 4 years

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Disarmed

A/N: I have absolutely no idea why I wrote this. It’s just a result of what this song is doing to me. Also, I’m pretty sure it’s bad, so I apologise in advance, but in my defence it’s 2am, I should sleep or study and tbh this story is a total improvisation. Plus my writing skills died long time ago, so that’s it.

Please, appreciate Polina Gagarina <3 she’s amazing!!!

Theodora Crain x reader

Words:1.000

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Theodora had always been different. Her mother called it “being sensitive”, but even as a child Theo knew it was something more. Her exceptional ability had always been quite a burden. It all started when she was only a kid and it pretty much affected her whole life.

There was nothing she or her parents could do about it. Of course, Olivia tried to help, and she partially did. The gloves, that she had given her daughter, allowed Theo to reduce the number of external stimuluses she was taking, but they didn’t make her ability disappear completely.

She was gifted. She could sense the things that average person couldn’t and that made it hard for her to function normally. Since a very young age she was linking the sense of touch to unpleasant and disturbing revelations. She hated being touched, especially by strangers, but at some point she started avoiding unnecessary physical contact completely. No wonder, since sensing and feeling others experiences, fears and pain was only aiding to her building up her emotional walls. She wanted nothing more, but to be normal and have a normal, boring life. Yet while other children, including her siblings, were playing around Theodora was slowly learning to isolate herself.

At the very young age she began suppressing her emotions and was doing everything to restrict her psychic powers. And by the time she was a grown up woman she became a real master of self-isolation. She built her walls so strong and tall that no one could get in.

Theo, at all costs, was avoiding emotional intimacy and relationships. She was always distant and avoidant. Outwardly she seemed to be happy living like that, but deep inside she felt nothing, but anger and sadness. There was so much rage inside her that she couldn’t bear it. She knew that she needed to find a way to get it out somehow or she would go crazy completely. And that’s when you appeared in her life for the first time.

You were a kickboxer and worked at the fitness centre, where Theo happened to unload all her frustrations and negative emotions. She was usually just coming there and hitting a punchbag for an hour or so. She paid no attention to you, or rather tried not to pay any attention to you. Yet she couldn't help and kept noticing you. You were there basically all the time. Whenever Theo had a bad day and came to workout she met you.

She would be fine, but to her dismay she actually found you attractive. But dating you was no option, and so instead of feeling better she was more and more frustrated.

"Are you a fucking robot or something? Do you ever get tired and rest?" she asked once after watching you work out for 45 minutes straight

"Excuse me?" you looked at her confused

"Whenever I come you're here. You're here always… and you keep working out without taking breaks?"

"I… um… I'm in training for a fight" you explained

From that pretty awkward moment the two of you began spending more and more time together. You were teaching her some kickboxing or showing her different exercises. Sometimes you were working out together. But for most of the time you were just having fun.

You were the first one to realize that you actually had feelings for her, but you did nothing. You knew that Theo wasn’t a fan of relationships and because you truly cared you decided not to push her. You gave her space and time. You let her figure out her feelings at her own peace, but you knew from the very beginning how it was all going to end up.

Theodora Crain might have been a psychologist, but when it came to her own feelings - she preferred to act as if she didn’t have them at all. Ignoring them was easy, she was doing it her whole life, but since you appeared she was finding it harder and harder. Something inside her was changing and no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t stop it.

It took her a lot of time to finally understand all those changes. She was used to being on her own and enjoyed her own company. She was pretty sure that she didn’t need anyone and was better on her own. But then it changed just like that.

It became hard for her to stay away from you for too long. Actually, she needed and wanted to see you everyday, even if for a while. She couldn’t understand what was it - that strange and unknown thing that was attracting her to you so much. Or why her usual defensive and even kind of aggressive attitude was gone whenever you were around. What was that weird thing that was making her feel so happy? Why was she smiling whenever she saw you? Why did her knees feel so weak when you were talking to her? Everyone already knew that she was in love, yet she still seemed not to get it. Theo needed even more time to accept the fact she didn’t want to be on her own anymore. She had to allow herself to feel that way and admit that she actually needed you.

And when she finally did, she, for the very first time in her life, let her walls down. She let her walls down for you. You were the first person she wanted and was ready to let in. You were the one around who she let herself be vulnerable, because with you it didn’t feel like weakness. It felt different, a bit weird, but she was quite sure she liked it and might get used to that feeling eventually. For once she felt like a normal, average person. For the first time she started believing that she could live a normal life. And she knew that as long as you were by her side, she could remain disarmed, because you would keep her safe.

#this is #a catastrophe #i may rewrite it sometime #or add more details lol #theodora crain #theo crain #theo crain x reader #the haunting of hill house

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vavuska · 4 years

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I finished watching the first season of The Haunting (of Hill House) and I didn't like it!

My first impression:

I used to love Shirley Jackson original book, The Haunting of Hill House, and I loved that the author called one of the daughters like her, but... I don't liked how they change the background story: Hugh Crain built the house for his family and was the beginning of the tragedies.

Maybe, if the authors could keep the Sanderson surname, not change all the background story of the house and choose other name for the children, it would be better: in the book Theodora was an artist, —that was supposed to be lesbian by critics —, Eleanor (Nell) was a disturbed women and both of them were chosed by Dr. Montague as "medium" for his researches on haunted houses, and they weren't related at all. On the other hand Luke Sanderson, the other main male character, was really related to the owner of the mansion, that was his aunt, and was there to watch on Dr. Montague experiments.

I don't know how will evolve the story, but I hope it will be interesting as the original book (I saw also others movies adaptation and there were good).

The novel has been adapted to film twice, in 1963 and again in 1999, both times under the title The Haunting. The 1963 version is a relatively faithful adaptation and received critical praise. The 1999 version, considerably different from the novel and widely panned by critics, is an overt fantasy horror in which all the main characters are terrorized and two are killed by explicitly supernatural deaths.

Why I didn't like the show:

1 - Ten episodes of NOTHING: being ghosts is not enaugh to make your characters interesting!

Ten episodes of NOTHING. This show is one of the few TV shows, movies or books that left no emotion at all in me. When I finish reading or watching movies and TV show, I feel always a deep melancholy for a world that close his doors, but here I felt nothing. Great photography, no jumpscares. I appreciated that, but there wasn't a real plot and the ghost stories have only a superficial touch in TEN EPISODES.

I don't know if watch the next season or not...

2 - In a story about haunted hauses, the main creepy, scary events are supposed to happen in that damn house!

Ok. This is a show about an haunted house, so the ghost creepy events are supposed to happen only in that damn house... Not out.

Mr. Dudley told Hugh that his wife nightmare and vision stopped when they stopped to work in the house by night... I feel so confused!

And more important: if you told us that the damn "red room" is the stomach of the house, you just can't let ghost following the characters even to L. A.!

You are saying that that damn house has eaten them, they have been digested and now are part of the evil and darkness of the house. THEY JUST CAN'T GOING AROUND. FIND OTHER NARRATIVE SOLUTIONS!

3 - Ghosts not even were not interesting (we know very little about that past), but they aren't even scarying!

There were Polly, the beautiful flapper girl, her husbdand William, the tall men with the bowler hat and thr walking stick, their unnamed daughter and son in wheelchair...

There were Hazel and her daughter Jacqueline, who used to play with starry teapots!

And... I discover that Hazel was William's sister on reddit. Wow.

Oh, in the show is mentioned that William must have at least another sister, but we know a very little about William himself, so reasonably we couldn't expect some more!

They only thing we know about William he was generically mentally insane and walled up himself alive in his own house.

Of Polly we knew a little too: she was generically “crazy”, met William in an asylum, they fell in love, get married, have two children and she died at an old age, even more crazy, as Hazel did.

From the show we didn't know how her relationship with Hazel was (it was just said that William didn't get along well with his sisters), but on reddit I discovered that both Polly and Hazel blame each other for their children's death: Polly thought that Hazel murdered her children, Hazel thought Polly murdered her daughter.

On reddit it is also said that Mr. Dudley could be the extramarital son of William. Wooow. So much information!

Why, why the hell they didn't put this on the show? Oh. Yes, they didn't want to steal space to the useless Crain's family drama!

4 - Mental illness is portrayed as glamour and all the difficulties of recovering from a drug addiction were all simplified in the final episode!

Both Olivia and Nell characters are so clean and nice, they are loved by evrebody and their mental illness have a very little impact of their social life: yes, they both commit suicide, but at the end was said it was all the ghost of Hill House to blame.

Well, honey, mental illness is not clean and nice, most of the time. I talk by experience!

And recovering from drug addiction is so easy, when all the ghost disappear and you have such a supporting and lovely family with you.

Ok. Yes. Thank you for exposing your Disney-like ideal of life, but poeple keep having drug problems, even if they have a loving and supportive family at their side. Most of the time, the family actually pay more times for their loved ones recovery.

And all the main characters' problems easily end with a simple hearth-to-hearth talk with their dead sister. That's too superficial, even for a stupid mainstream TV show.

5 - Basically the whole show is just This Is US but with ghosts: full of good sentiments and feelings. They love each other so much, even if their “big brother” is an idiot and they barely speek with their father.

6 - All the Father/Parents-Children issue is superficially portrayed in the show.

Hugh trys his best, but fails. He didn't make amend with his children, only with Steve, the narrator, to whom he shows what really happened the night in which his mother, Olivia, killed herself. Hugh loves his child, but at the same time keep them away from him. Their problem is not they can't communicate with each other, they don't even try it! And don't want to hear other's position. Also the Dursley storyline is a bit annoying: yes, I know that it is meant to break our heart and it does, it does, when Mr. Dursley told to Hugh about his born-dead daughter. But the Abigail part was just a big nonsense: Oliva murdered their only daughter and Mrs. and Mr. Dursley were unbelievable so comprehensive with Hugh and agreed with him that “no one must know”. Their daughter's sould has been eaten by a dark, evil entity and they didn't care! They keep her at home to “protect her”, but to protect her better, they just could take miles and miles from Hill House! A big nonsense!

7 - The director and screenplayers deleted all the nasty, anxious atmosphere of the original book.

Shirley Jackson described Hill House as “arrogant and hating,” full of “sickening, degraded cold.” In the novel, we’re trapped not merely inside this malevolent architecture but in the mind of an unreliable mouseburger named Eleanor, a spinster whose sanity gets eaten away during her days at Hill House, where she’s gone to participate in a study about the paranormal.

In the show we just see Olivia floating around the house with her long gown. Her slowly corruption by the house is not scary nor shocking at all. We are not trapped in her ill and weak mind, we just saw her smiling and talking with herself in some occasion, and finally asking herself: “Oh, this strange lady dressed as a 20s flapper is telling me to poison my own children, why I shouldn't trust her?”

It would be more shocking if she actually kill all her family. That would be more impressive. Again: Olivia and Nell mental illness is fashioble, charming, not scarying. They are so well dressed, with perfect hair and make up. No one Eye bugs on their face. They look like healthy girls who sleep very good every night. You are not worried by their behavior. They look normal. Not even insane. Just a bit stressed as can happen to everybody.

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brigade-claire-opinions · 4 years

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Day 9: The Haunting of Hill House

Let's talk about this novel and this show.

I already posted a quick review of the novel last year, so I'll briefly plagiarize myself. Please note, however, that I'm adding some significant elaboration to this review, including spoilers. I won't spoil the show once I get to that portion, but if you plan on reading this book, all you need to know is that I absolutely love it - it's my favorite novel about a haunted house and one of the best examples of classic horror literature.

Anyways, onto the review:

The Haunting of Hill House was written by Shirley Jackson and released in 1959. I've been trying and failing to read this book for the better part of two years now. It's always shown up on lists of the scariest books ever written, alongside the likes of The Amityville Horror by Jay Anson and Ghost Story by Peter Straub.

Having finally read (and, ultimately, been severely let down by) Straub's Ghost Story, I picked this one back up. I'm not sure if it's that something changed in me in the past year, or if it's because I was no longer trying to read it before the release of the Netflix "adaptation," but I became enamored with the novel in my third reading and finally, blessedly finished it.

In this novel, Shirley Jackson successfully captured the psychology of living in a haunted house. I fell in love with our central cast: Eleanor Vance, our protagonist who has a history with poltergeist activity, likely stemming from caring for her invalid mother until the latter's passing; Dr. John Montague, a psychologist bent on investigating the scientific angle of the occult and the man responsible for bringing together our ragtag band of misfits; Luke Sanderson, the thieving and charming black sheep of the Hill family and heir to Hill House; and Theodora (or Theo, who intentionally does not have a provided surname), a childish, flamboyant, and likely queer psychic who naively craves the excitement of staying in a haunted place.

Together, these four must brave the throes of Hill House and face whatever remnants of its terrifying history await them. This party is to experience total isolation during their stay, as cell phones weren't common in 1959. They are also to face conditions of "absolute reality," or reality completely unaffected by the subjective perceptions of the human mind. I believe that this is ultimately the narrative's way of explaining that the human mind cannot fathom paranormal activity without prior framework to quantify it, but 1959 was a different time.

What really struck me about The Haunting of Hill House was its lack of empirical ghostly encounters. Yes, the characters have spooky experiences and things happen, but the novel doesn't outright show us a ghost. Instead, it poses a question: is the house truly haunted? Or is the absolute reality that the house's troubled history is affecting the people staying there? Is it possible that Eleanor, with her history of Poltergeist activity, is causing the doors to slam and the writing on the wall? The ending only further adds to the mystery, and the reader is left to ponder.

The Haunting of Hill House has had a troubled history with screen adaptations. Two films based on the novel - both named "The Haunting," - released in 1963 and 1999 respectively, and neither had a particularly warm reception. The 1999 film in particular often appears on "worst of" lists of horror films. Prior to 2018, adaptations of Shirley Jackson's magnum opus seemed taboo, destined to fail.

And that, my friends, leads us to the show.

As you likely already know, the Netflix adaptation of The Haunting of Hill House has VERY little to do with the novel. The eponymous house and some characters are shared, but what we have here is a mostly original story about a family whose lives are still haunted by Hill House decades after they abandoned it.

Our showrunner Mike Flanagan (Oculus, Hush, Doctor Sleep) took Jackson's novel, deconstructed it, and crafted something brand new.

I am exceedingly pleased by what Flanagan and co made for us. The Haunting of Hill House is easily the best thing to come out of the novel since, well, the novel. It's also the only thing on the list so far to have legitimately scared me.

The show follows the Crain family, who move into Hill House in 1992. Olivia and Hugh Crain - the mother and father of the family - are house flippers, and Hill House seems to be their big break. As you'd expect, however, things go awry, and most of the family flees in terror in the middle of the night not long after their arrival.

Along with Olivia and Hugh, there are five Crain children who form our central cast: Steven, Shirley, Theodora, Luke, and Eleanor. The story is told between two eras - in 1992 during the family's summer at Hill House, and in 2018 as the family deals with a tragic loss.

Our cast in this story is absolutely incredible. With one exception, each member of the Crain family is portrayed by two different actors, and each gives it their all.

Michael Huisman and Paxton Singleton play Steven Crain, the eldest of Olivia and Hugh's children. Steven does not believe in the ghostly encounters that the family experienced in their time at Hill House, but that does not stop him from capitalizing on their trauma and writing a book about their experiences anyways, much to his siblings' disapproval. Due to circumstances, Steven is having marital troubles at the start of the series and is separated from his wife Leigh, played by Samantha Sloyan.

Elizabeth Reaser and Lulu Wilson play Shirley Crain, the next oldest, who was named for Shirley Jackson. Depending on how you look at it, Shirley grows up to either have the perfect or most baffling career, as she owns, lives in, and runs a funeral home along with her husband Kevin, played by Anthony Ruivivar.

Kate Siegel and McKenna Grace play Theo (this time with a surname!), the middle child. Theo has a touch empathy, allowing her to experience psychic phenomena when touching people or objects; she wears gloves to help circumvent this. She lives in a guest suite attached to Shirley's funeral home, where we occasionally see her girlfriend Trish, played by Levy Tran.

Oliver Jackson-Cohen and Julian Hilliard play Luke, the older of the twins who make up the two youngest members of the family. Luke, having been severely traumatized by his experiences at Hill House and the way his family was torn asunder afterwards, has a severe struggle with substance abuse. He has a "twin connection" with his younger twin sister, as the two of them have the tightest bond of the entire family.

Victoria Pedretti and Violet McGraw play Eleanor, the youngest of the family and the other half of Luke's twin empathy. Of all of the children, Nell and Luke each had the most traumatic experiences at Hill House; Nell still occasionally sees the ghost that haunted her the most as a child. Nell's story is the most tragic of all of the children as well; I won't say any more than that.

Timothy Hutton and Henry Thomas both put on fantastic performances for Hugh Crain, the father of the family. During the opening of the show, Hugh has to make the drastic decision of leaving Olivia behind as he and the children flee from Hill House in the middle of the night. This, of course, caused a massive rift to tear between him and the children, and they all become estranged.

Last but absolutely not least, Carla Gugino portrayed Olivia Crain, the mother of the family. Olivia has arguably the most tragic story, as a sensitive who becomes increasingly affected by whatever lurks in the walls of Hill House. She still lurks in the minds of the children and Hugh, even after that fateful night.

Flanagan and this wonderful cast knew exactly how to put on a fantastic show. Each role is played pitch perfectly, in both incarnations of the characters. Child actors are known to struggle with putting on strong performances, but none of these young cast members are ever overplayed to the point of being annoying. The stellar writing that these characters have to work with does a great job of bringing the audience in and making them feel like part of the Crain family. We care about these characters and don't want anything to happen to them, and thus we are horrified whenever they are hurt or scared, just as we would be if anything happened to our own loved ones.

The Haunting of Hill House has the some of the most effective scares I've seen in horror. Flanagan knows how to build up tension and when to release it. He knows exactly how to frame a shot and how to use subtlety to his advantage. There are a few jump scares sprinkled throughout the show, but unlike with most other horror pieces, the jump scares are meant for the characters and not for the audience. They have real meaning and serve a purpose and aren't just there as a cheap way to shock the audience.

The score for this show does a great job of underlining the tension, but aside from the opening theme, nothing quite stands out for me. I do want to take a moment to discuss the cinematography, however. Flanagan knows EXACTLY how to frame a shot, when to show something scary, and when to leave something to the audience's imagination. The juxtaposition between the two eras is masterful in its framing and use of colors. The happier childhood era in Hill House is shown in bright, warm colors with some nice bloom effect to display a more innocent time. Shots are more spacious and give the characters plenty of breathing room, and the score is light and almost playful.

In contrast, however, the scarier portions of the childhood era and most of the adult era are filmed with muted colors and cooler, darker tones. Shots are cramped and claustrophobic, and darkness fills corners and swims in rooms. The score for these shots is ominous and quiet, or even non-existant at times, leaving us to wonder what's going to happen.

The Haunting of Hill House is one of my favorite shows. It's fantastic, nearly perfect, in almost every way; I seriously have a hard time thinking of anything I'd change. Over the course of ten episodes, I felt myself moved and swayed and afraid for the members of this family. The show is not for everyone, of course, and I even hesitate to call it an adaptation of my favorite haunted house novel, but its strengths far outweigh anything negative I have to say. If you're looking for a long-form scary watch, I implore you to check this out. I even encourage you to read the novel, as it is interesting to compare the two and look at what few parallels Flanagan drew between them. As of today, the show has a second season. The Haunting of Bly Manor, which is based upon the works of Henry James, reuses much of the Hill House cast in new roles, marking The Haunting as an anthology show.

I'm almost done talking about adaptations for this month. Tomorrow, I return to a film I watched in my youth now that I've read the novel it's based upon...

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