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sylvies-chen · 3 years

Note

Brettsey + prompt 15?

P.S. Thank you for doing this 💕💕

15. “When I’m with you, I’m home.”

Sylvie Brett is a talker.

That’s just the way she’s always been. She comes from a warm and loving family, where she was always met with honesty and affection. Her family isn’t perfect, sure, but her parents are unfailingly kind. They always encouraged her to open up, always talked with her. It’s in her blood, she thinks— the natural urge to want to talk it out with the people she cares about.

So, when the majority of the Casey family decide to opt out of coming to her and Matt’s wedding, she takes it personally.

Christie and Violet RSVP and are thrilled to come. But Sylvie badgers Nancy Casey for weeks, grovels endlessly when she visits for a few days, begs her and the rest of his extended family to work out their issues. At the very least, she thought they’d be able to put all of that crap aside for one night and see how happy she and Matt are together, but nope. Not even Sylvie’s willpower can force the Caseys into temporarily resolving their issues. They’re secretive and stubborn— more stubborn than Matt, even— which means to them, Sylvie’s demands are out of the question.

She’s on the phone now, taking advantage of the quiet morning they’ve had on shift and trying her best to get Matt’s mom to see reason. This is their wedding, for crying out loud. Nancy doesn’t have to like Sylvie but she should be there for the wedding— if only to support Matt.

“I’m sorry, Sylvie. Even if I could make it, I think me being there would do him more harm than good,” Nancy sighs through the phone.

“No! No, he’d love it if you were there,” she assures her, pacing around the bunk room.

“Matt knows me, sweetheart. He knows I don’t stay in one place for too long, me being at your wedding isn’t what either of us needs. Besides, I’m sure the others will want to come and that’s a lot of drama I’d rather avoid.”

“They don’t want to come either. I’ve been calling his living relatives all morning but none of them will budge or even try and let go of mysterious grudges they have. I mean, uncles, aunts, cousins. All of them declined the invites. This is an important day for Matt, they have to see that, don't they? If they could just sit down and talk it out I'm sure they could—”

“They won’t,” Nancy tells her sympathetically. “Sylvie, our family is much too complicated. We have a saying in our family, you know. ‘Never have more than two Caseys in one room if you want to stay sane’. Trying to fix our family’s issues is like trying to find a penny in the ocean, dear. It’s just not going to happen, no matter how hard you try or how optimistic you get.”

“Mrs. Casey— Nancy— I’m just asking for you to stop by. An hour, tops. Please. You’re his mom.” Sylvie tries staying calm as she stops her pacing but she can’t help the frustrated edge in her tone.

“I know, dear,” she replies with a lamentful sigh. “But I’ve let Matt down one too many times to ever deserve that title.”

Sylvie huffs defeatedly into the phone, sitting down on one of the cots. Maybe she should have seen this coming. Matt’s not expecting any of his family to show up, he’d told her as much. But she’d wanted to surprise him with it. Now, seeing his expectations of his family be totally and completely accurate breaks her heart. He’d been prepared for the worst; he always is. Only now, she doesn’t blame him. The Caseys have given him nothing but the worst. She doesn’t know why she thought now would be different.

“I’m glad he has you, Sylvie,” Nancy Casey continues softly. “Leaving isn’t so hard for me this time, because I know Matt has someone someone like you in his corner, fighting for him. My son hasn’t had much of that in his life, frankly. I’m truly happy for the two of you.”

Sylvie’s anger towards his mom, and towards all of the Caseys for that matter, still lingers in her. Having her leave, having none of his family be there at the wedding, it feels all wrong. They’re his own flesh and blood, how could they let their stubbornness and secrets get in the way? How could they let down Matt like this?

Matt’s not even bothered by it though. At this point, it’s her they’re disappointing.

But she takes a deep breath, soaking in her words. She’s happy for them and Sylvie suspects that took quite a lot for Nancy Casey to say it so vulnerably. She has enough emotional baggage for a life time, after all. So Sylvie takes what she can get.

“Thanks,” Sylvie settles on replying. Arguing is pointless, so she wishes Nancy a safe trip and hangs up. It’s a little anticlimactic but then again, the Casey family’s drama never was all that flashy and exaggerated. It’s more quiet and seething, like mellow, gently boiling water that burns to the touch.

Sylvie, however, is not. She’s never been one to hide her emotions or leave it below the surface. The Caseys are a frustrating bunch, and she fumes from her nostrils at the thought of it. That is, of course, until she sees Matt walk into his quarters from across the bunk room. The sight of him is enough to make her put her anger on the backburner because her heart just… breaks.

He won’t be surprised when she tells him she failed. It’s not a fact that comforts her.

She pockets her phone, walks over to his quarters, and knocks on the edge of the open door. “Hi.”

“Hey,” he beams from his desk. Her face doesn’t return as wide of a smile though, her normally cheerful demeanour gone. Matt picks up on it immediately (because of course he does) and his brows furrow. “You okay?”

“I got off the phone with your mom,” she explains through tight lips.

“Ah.” He gives a knowing nod, and Sylvie doesn’t even need to finish her sentence. He knows. He knows, and it hurts. “I take it your plan about getting my family to come to the wedding didn’t go so well.”

“No, it did not,” she huffs, moving into his office and beginning her frustrated pacing again. She can feel the anger ramping up in her. “You were right. They won’t holster their issues for one day. Your mom isn’t even coming, she’s leaving Chicago for some meditation retreat. Can you believe that?!”

“I can actually, yeah,” he sighs wistfully, observing her from his chair. “Mom’s been flakey ever since she got out of prison. Making up for lost time, I guess. I told you they weren’t going to budge on this, babe. They’re full of secrets and drama, that won’t change.”

“I know,” Sylvie huffs disappointedly, her shoulders sagging as her pacing comes to a halt. Matt shift his chair towards her slightly and steadies his feet on the ground, motioning for her. She’s instinctively drawn in, moving to wrap an arm around his shoulders and sit her legs across his lap. Her hands gently run through his hair as she starts to speak; an action that she finds strangely soothing. “It just makes me so- so mad,” she pouts. “I wanted to fix things so badly that I didn’t listen when you told me it wouldn’t work. I just went ahead and failed anyway.”

“Hey,” he hushes comfortingly. “You didn’t let me down in any way. You know that, right? You want to see the good in people, always, and I love you for it. And you tried, that counts for something. If they don’t want to come to our wedding, that’s their loss. I haven’t even spoken to half of them in years anyway.”

“See, that’s just messed up,” she points out, pointing at him matter-of-factly. “They’re your family! They’re supposed to love you and show up for you, you’re supposed to feel at home when they’re around. Instead, they’re keeping these little secrets and disappointing people. Disappointing you, me— us.”

“When I’m with you, I’m home,” he argues back softly with a grin.

“I’m being serious,” she replies with a frown.

“I am too,” Matt tells her. His arms are around her waist, pulling her closer in on his lap and moving his free hand up to her face. He brushes her hair away from her face and behind her ear, stroking circles on her cheek with his thumb afterwards. “Everyone at 51? They’re my real family. You’re my family. That’s all I need at our wedding. No one else.”

At those words, Sylvie’s heart is finally able to relax and her shoulders ease up. She’s able to smile for the first time since calling Nancy Casey, letting it spread over her face as she holds Matt’s gaze. They’re getting married and when they do, their real family will be there with them. She holds onto that fact like it’s a lifeline until she feels better, soaking in the warmth of his embrace.

She leans in, cupping his face with one hand as she kisses him tenderly. He sucks in a soft breath, catching her bottom lip in between his before they pull away.

“That sounds perfect to me,” she replies, in a voice somewhere in between a sigh and a happy hum.

Suddenly, the Caseys fade into the back of her mind and out of existence.

#I actually really like this one guys woohoo #abby writes #fanfic prompts #prompt requests #brettsey #sylvie brett #matt casey

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kim-ruzek · 3 years

Text

Contentedness

Summary: Antonio Dawson is back in town for a charity event, and gets to meet baby burzek.

Established Burzek, AU as it goes off the premise Kim never miscarried.

Word Count: 3.2k words

Read on AO3

Notes: This is just a lil fun fic, mostly formed from a conversation with Cíara (as, tbh, most of my fics now are!) @justanoffalygirl

I hope y'all enjoy!

Kim doesn’t know how life gets better than this.

It’s a warm spring day, the beginnings of summer starting to break through. She’s in the park, on one of the spacious fields, surrounded many of the people she loves so dearly, soaking in the sound of laughter and playful banter that fills the air.

Days like this, to be around so many people on her day off, are few and far in-between. She’s only recently begun to be more adventurous with where she goes, and how long she stays out, and when already it’s so hard to get everyone together with their own shifts and lives, it’s hard to organise. So when opportunities like this come about, Kim leaps at the chance, especially when it’s doing something for charity.

And if that hadn’t already made her commit to attending, learning that this was an event organized by a charity the Dawson siblings were involved in would’ve. Antonio and Gabby might’ve left Chicago, and maybe not on the best of terms, but the first responders of Chicago are a family, and so the Dawsons’ will always be their family as well.

Kim admits, at first she was a little reluctant to see Antonio. They were partners, they had been through so much together, and he had just...left. Without a word to her. She’ll always be happy for him, that he got himself clean, that he patched back up his life, but she can’t ignore how betrayed she felt at him just leaving. Especially with what happened in her life after.

But she finds it so hard to keep onto those feelings, not when, despite the lack of sleep, despite the way it’s made her have to relearn her own ethics and morals, despite turning her world on it’s head, Kim’s never been more happy, more content with how her life is.

The reason for her happiness squirms in her arms, and Kim looks down at her daughter. Alice Ruzek is only ten months, but Kim can’t remember what her life was like without her in it. Alice, or Ally as Adam affectionately nicknamed her from day one, has changed her life in so many ways.

No longer does she stay up late for fun, the way Kim used to think she was behind on shows with just her job now seems like a dream, her head is full of Children’s lullabies and Alice’s cries, and she can’t count how many times her and Adam has had such stupid yet infuriating squabbles about things just because of lack of sleep or stress from being away from her for too long.

But all of that pales in comparison to how the sound of her laughter, her babbles, is the most beautiful sound Kim has ever heard, to how Kim could stare into her eyes all day, to how seeing Adam holding their daughter, rocking her, singing to her is the most loveliest sight she has ever seen.

To how Alice has managed to do the one thing they’ve struggled to do for years, to make them learn how to be partners, to communicate, to not let the little things matter, and have allowed them to realise just how much they need each other, to be each other’s person. To how Alice has truly completed their lives, how she’s brought them peace and love neither knew was possible.

“Kim!” The sound of Antonio’s voice drags her away from cooing at her baby girl, and she turns around, ready to greet him. They had briefly seen each other when he was at the precinct the other day, but intelligence had a case and he was busy, so they hadn’t been able to say more than a hello to each other. Kim’s been here at the picnic for half an hour, enough for Alice to be cooed over by her various aunts and uncles, having only been left alone, now. Kevin had stolen away Adam—the only person who could distract Adam from his daughter—to help him, and Kim had been just enjoying the moment before she was going to go over to friends.

Antonio looks good, healthy, relaxed. She had thought so when she saw him the other day, but she can truly appreciate just how much good Puerto Rico and charity work has done for him now, when he’s dressed casually, and out in the sun.

Kim grins at him, happy she did decide to put aside all her hurt feelings on how he left. He’s grinning at her too, but as he reaches her and she turns fully around, his grin falls off, shock overtaking his face. She’s only confused at the change of his demeanour for a second, as before she can wonder too long, he’s speaking again.

“You’ve had a baby! Congratulations!” He exclaims, happiness for her replacing the confusion. Kim doesn’t wonder for a moment how he was so easily able to deduce that Alice is her’s, and not someone else’s that she’s just holding, having had way too many people tell her just how much her daughter looks like her. It’s something Kim does agree with, but at the same time, all she can focus on is all the ways she looks like Adam, loving how she’s a beautiful mix of the two of them.

Kim smiles down at Alice, her perfect daughter, before looking back at Antonio. “That I have,”

“Seriously, Kim. This is amazing news; I’m so happy for you. Parenthood is one of the best, fulfilling things you can ever do. And she’s so beautiful,” Antonio says, his words warming her heart. It’s nothing she hasn’t heard before, but she never tires at it, and hearing Antonio, her partner, one of the first people in intelligence to believe in her as a cop, say how happy he is for her is particularly heart-warming.

“So I’ve heard,” Kim replies. She had. Everyone and their mother had told her just how fulfilling parenthood is. A lot of the time it had come unsolicited, often with advice she didn’t ask for, nor want, but the times it came from someone she cares about—like Natalie, Voight, Herrmann—she really appreciated it.

Kim introduces Alice to him after that, Antonio immediately questioning, correctly, if her name is a little nod to Alvin, and he coos over her a little, holding her as they catch up.

The day progresses at that, Gabby coming over and meeting Alice as well, and them all mixing back into the crowd of their friends. Kim had participated in some of the charity events, Alice being with Adam when she was doing that, and with her honorary grandmother Trudy when they were doing stuff together.

Adam had joked at one point they should receive some of the raised money, with how their big responder family had all demanded time with their baby. Kim loves it, so does Adam, that their daughter was being raised around so much love and around so much wonderful people, getting the childhood neither of them had gotten.

It was a few hours later now, and Kim sits on one of the picnic blankets, next to Sylvie, the two of them soaking up the sun. Sylvie watched her man, Matt, chuck a ball with Kevin, and Kim watched where Adam sat with Alice. The sun’s high in the sky, and while it was getting past midday now, it’s still quite hot and bright, so he sits in the shade with her.

There’s an aching in her, that wants to get up and join them, join her family, but she resists, knowing she wants to make the most of getting the chance to be in the sun, knowing Adam will just shoo her away, making sure she enjoys something she wouldn’t have hesitated to before she was a Mom.

Instead, she settles for watching him, and continuing to fall so deeply in love with him at the way he so softly and lovingly interacts with Alice.

“Needing a break from her?” Antonio asks, sitting down beside her. Kim glances quickly at Sylvie, knowing her friend had told her that everything is okay and not awkward—well, not that awkward—with the Dawsons’ but doing it on instinct anyway, the nonplussed expression on her friend’s face reassuring her.

“No, it’s just hot. She needs shade and Mommy, mommy needs sun,” Kim replies to her. Everyone at work teases her about how easily both her and Adam slip into referring to themselves as what they are to Alice when talking about the girl.

“It’s okay. She’s with Adam,” Kim continues. There’s a pause, a silence.

“They’re very close, aren’t they?” Antonio says. His words seem careful, calculated, but Kim doesn’t focus on that, instead grinning at him, her heart fluttering once more at just how much fatherhood suits Adam.

“Yeah, they are.” Kim can’t keep the happiness out of her voice, not that she’d want to. She’s looking back at Alice and Adam, watching as Adam plays with her. She’s too far away to hear them, but she’s watched scenes like this so many times before that she knows exactly what he’s cooing at her, and knows exactly what her laugh sounds like.

“What does, uh, the father feel about that?” Antonio asks. Kim looks at him, frowning a little, confused.

“Happy, I’d think.” She replies, shrugging off the weirdness of the question, and turning her attention back to her family. Natalie has walked over to them now, and Kim watches as her friend coos over Alice, and how Adam’s face lights up with pride, at his daughter being so popular.

“I thought mommy brain was meant to be gone by now,” Sylvie says after Antonio leaves. Kim looks at the paramedic, confused. Sylvie’s looking at her amused.

“You do realise that question he asked—it means he doesn’t know Adam’s her father?” Sylvie tells her. Kim’s mouth opens, about to argue against that, because of course he knows that, but then the pieces fall into place and she realises she never actually told him, never told him that they’re back together, forgetting it’s information he wouldn’t automatically know.

“Oh.” Kim says. “Oh.” Sylvie laughs at her.

“It’s amusing, if you think about it. Every time you announced your pregnancy to someone, everyone guessed she was Adam’s before you told them, but Antonio didn’t. And he’s been seeing Adam with her!” Sylvie points out, making Kim laugh with her.

“Finally!” Kim laughs, remembering how just how many people asked if her baby was Adam’s, or didn’t look at all surprised when she told them, when she was pregnant.

“Is it bad that I kind of don’t want to correct him?” Kim asks after. “Just to see how long it takes,”

Sylvie giggles. “I might be bias because he’s my ex, but no, not bad at all. In fact, you rest, I’m gonna go tell everyone he might talk to about it and tell them not to correct him either,”

Kim laughs, loud, as her friend jumps up, excitedly, running off to tell everyone. Sylvie is such a ball of fun, never giving Kim a dull moment when she’s around, and Kim’s once again reminded that they made the right choice to make her and Kevin Alice’s godparents.

Her laughter has attracted the attention of Adam as, after securing Alice’s hat back on her head, he gets up and heads towards her.

“Having fun without us?” Adam asks, sitting down next to her. He looks down at Alice. “Hm, what d’you think, Ally? That we should be upset she’s having fun without us?”

Alice, in response, loudly babbles back, making large smiles spread across both Kim’s and Adam’s faces.

“Hey, Ally,” Kim coos at her. “Having your own fun with Daddy?” she holds Alice’s hands with her own, her heart clenching at the way her fingers wraps around hers in response. Kim looks from her daughter, catching Adam’s eyes, seeing how he’s watching them with such love, such adoration and fondness and Kim knows, then, life really doesn’t get better than this.

The day was coming to an end. All the events had finished, the money raised calculated and announced and most people had left. All who remained was the Dawsons’ first responder family and their charity workers, all of them helping to tidy up.

Kim stood among her friends, all of them chatting between them, winding down and getting ready to leave. Adam stands next to her, Alice in his arms as she makes sure everything is in her pushchair. Alice rests against her father, sleepily, and Kim knows it won’t be long until she’s napping once more.

“It was really good seeing you, and of course getting to meet your beautiful daughter,” Antonio is saying to her, standing on her other side. Kim smiles at him. During the events of the day, when they were catching up, Antonio had apologised for how he left, that he didn’t even tell her. Kim had waved him off, but she appreciated his admittance to that it wasn’t very good of him, depending they were partners.

“It’s been good seeing you too. I’m glad you sorted your life out,” Kim replies, knowing she’s being truthful, and knowing that finally she’s gotten closure on that part of her life, that no longer will she have any left over upset feelings over how he left.

“I’ll definitely keep more in touch; I’ll want updates on this one,” he says, indicating at Alice and Kim’s smile widens, happy that he doesn’t want to go totally no contact with her, with the 21st, again. The way being in this profession, the bond you have with your unit, your partner, isn’t something she can ever truly describe to anyone outside this life; the bond is indescribable, you spend so much time with these people, you trust them to have your back—so when someone just leaves, when you have no idea how they are, it leaves a hole in your life.

Antonio’s eyes drift beyond her, smiling. “Hey, Trudy,”

Kim turns to look at Platt, who’s approached, Mouch by her side. Kim doesn’t know if she’ll ever get used to seeing Platt like this, the person she is outside of work, when she lets a little more of her softer side oout

If you had told her all those years ago, when she first met the desk Sergeant, that she’d consider Platt family, one of the main people she feels comfortable confiding in, that Platt will be one of her main support during her pregnancy, that she’ll be her daughter’s honorary grandmother, Kim would’ve called you certifiably insane. But that’s how her life has turned out, and Kim wouldn’t change it for the world.

“I told you, it’s still Platt to you. You may not be a detective in my district, but I’m still your sergeant,” Trudy gives him a look, but her usual scariness is undercut by the clear affection in her expression. She then turns to look at Adam, or more importantly, the sleepy Alice.

“Now, how’s little miss Ruzek?” Trudy says. Kim thinks that if Platt was anyone else, she’d be cooing the words, but this is Platt, so it’s said still in a manner-of-fact kind of way, affection only an undercurrent.

“I know Adam can be scared at the stupidest of things, but calling him a girl is even too harsh for you, Trudy—uh, Platt,” Antonio laughs, and Kim grins, thinking he’s making a joke, until she realises he still doesn’t know Alice is a Ruzek.

Trudy fixes him a steely look, a true Platt stare through and through. “I was referring to my granddaughter, not her father.”

Platt’s voice is equally steely, as she accepts Alice from Adam’s arms as he passes her over. Antonio looks at the interaction, his expression comical as he processes the information. As he processes that Platt isn’t making a joke, as he processes Platt calling Alice her granddaughter, as he processes exactly why Adam’s been playing and holding Alice all day long.

“She’s Ruzek’s? Adam’s a dad?” Antonio says, shock in his voice, turning to look at Kim. “You’re finally back with Adam again?” He then looks back at Trudy. “Did you just call her you grandmother?”

“Someone’s got to be, and if we trust the ones who raised these two idiots, Alice will be lucky if she doesn’t need therapy and communication lessons before she’s ten,” Trudy speaks first.

“Hey! We communicate well!” Adam protests, before adding, “Now,”

“Listen, Ruzek. I was critising your parents, not you two. For all your past idiocy, you’re good parents.” Trudy looks down at Alice, who’s now sleepily lying against her. “You’ve got to stop crying so loud, Miss Ruzek, you’re deafening your father and god knows he’s already a big enough idiot as it is,”

“When did this happen? When did you get back together?” Antonio asks, once more bringing attention back to him, and his state of confusion.

“About ten months ago, give or take,” Kim grins. They don’t have an official getting back together date, as when Kim was pregnant they were still focused on primarily being co-parents, deciding they need to learn how to communicate well before even thinking of getting together, not wanting to subject their child to having parents like theirs, but they still behaved so incredibly like they were married already.

Their initial plan was to wait until Alice was a year before assessing if they should be more that co-parents, but after the stress that was Alice’s birth, and seeing Adam hold their daughter, Kim knew she’ll never want anyone else, never want to be more with anyone else but him.

“If was up to me, it would’ve been sixteen months ago,” Adam comments, his tone joking, even though Kim knows he’s being perfectly serious. Antonio frowns, connecting the dates and the age of Alice, his eyebrows raising.

“You mean...oh,” Antonio says, realising. Adam smirks, and even Kim finds the reaction amusing. At the start, when they first was telling people, Kim described announcing was more like telling people that she hooked up, unprotected, with Adam rather than telling people she was having a baby—Voight may have hugged her, but she’ll never get over the mortifying knowledge that she essentially had to tell him that she and Adam are each other’s booty call—but now, with Alice being ten months and her and Adam actually being together, Kim sees more amusement in this stuff than anything.

Antonio looks between the two of them, before shrugging. “Well, then. I guess congratulations, man. I’m happy for you,” Antonio shakes Adam’s hand, them going in for a bro hug. They pull back, and Antonio looks at Adam, proudness on his face.

“No wonder you’re so relaxed, fatherhood suits you.” He compliments and Adam beams. Kim knows that Adam still harbours some issues towards Antonio, but Antonio is still family, and family is important to Adam.

“Yeah. It may have been messy and complicated, but I love being a father,” Adam snakes his arm around Kim at that, pulling her to him and giving her a soft kiss on top of her head. Kim rests her hand onto his, squeezing it, and smiling up at him. And in that moment, in his arms, their daughter and family with them, and a contentedness in her heart, Kim couldn’t disagree with him even if she wanted to.

It may have been a messy and complicated journey, but now she’s here, now this is her life, Kim knows all of that was worth it; and that life really doesn’t get better than this.

#burzek #chicago pd #kim burgess x adam ruzek #burzek fic #Chicago pd fanfiction #ree writes #ree's.writing

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theartofdyingrp · 3 years

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E L I J A H D E L U C A -

age: thirty-eight years old occupation: consigliere affiliation: solano faceclaim: james marsden availability: open

Elijah De Luca, fourth born son in a New York crime empire, never felt like he had a place. He grew up in the shadows of his older brothers, one poised to inherit the duties of their father, one trained to be his right hand, while the third played the role of muscle, executing plans in the field. Eli was young, smart and scrawny. The De Luca Mafia could do without. His parents weren’t terribly interested in what he did or how he did it, but rather than rebel craving attention, Eli worked hard towards escape.

Since he was a boy, Eli dreamed of the west coast. Specifically, southern California. The year-round sun called his name to put the industrial grey of New York behind him. He had no animosity towards the family he grew up in, but was desperate for something to call his own. Eli worked hard in school, earning himself a full ride at Stanford. He didn’t need the cash, but any way to break out of the De Luca family chains was welcome. He felt if he took any tuition money from his parents, he’d be indebted to them and Eli demanded his independence.

At Stanford, Eli was introduced to the rest of his life. Coming from a fairly influential family, he was tapped by an elite secret society where he met Adrian Solano. The two had similar upbringings and hit it off immediately. Studying law, Eli had no intention of involving himself in the mafia, but his friendship with Adrian changed that. He could see a future in which he played a pivotal role shaping the organization by his best friend’s side.

Adrian was a leader, that much was clear to Elijah, but the heir to the Solano empire knew how to let loose. Having fun without worry of consequence wasn’t Eli’s strong suit so while Adrian ushered him into the world of girls and parties, Eli used his head to ensure Adrian didn’t flunk out. The Solano family welcomed Eli with open arms and quickly became his surrogate family. He would go over for Sunday dinners, charm Adrian’s mother and sister and talk shop with his father and brother.

Four years of an undergrad followed by even more time in law school, Eli eventually graduated and was ready to enter the real world. Practicing law in California, especially when you had family and close friends in the mob, meant defending criminals in court. From petty drug deals to white collar, high profile fraud charges, Eli made a name for himself in the judicial system. While Eli wanted to pave his own way in the world, he couldn’t turn his back on his old life entirely. Besides, his best friend was the heir to an entire crime empire. Adrian was bound to get in trouble one day; he’d need Eli to be well-versed in the world of criminal law.

Over the years, Eli watched Adrian’s life fall into place while his world just stood still. It wasn’t until Luis Solano fell ill that his life took a turn. Adrian started taking on more and more responsibility, needed Eli’s help to handle it all. Preparing for his father’s untimely end, he asked for Eli to be his consigliere, a position highly regarded and respected in classic mafia structures. Eli’s always been Adrian’s most trusted advisor. This just made it official.

Being in the room when Luis asked Adrian to shoot him was the most difficult thing Eli’s ever been through; he can’t even imagine how hard it was for his best friend. Eli watched as Adrian pulled the trigger and saw the life leave his eyes as he did, the same way it left Luis’. Eli knew that Adrian would never be the same. His temper flared and some loyalists began to fear him, but Adrian never did anything to hurt the business; no, he just took it out on his wife. Lissa stood by while Adrian changed and let his grief and guilt take over. It was honourable; Eli was sure if he was in her position, he wouldn’t have been as strong. Though, when she asked him to help her find a decent divorce lawyer, he couldn’t refuse her wishes.

Eli knew about the affair and it killed him to watch his best friend ruin his relationship with the woman who loved him. It wasn’t something he could understand; he couldn’t empathize. All he knew was that he had to be a rock for both Adrian and Lissa. Even if he failed, he had to try. He stayed in Lissa’s apartment late at night and held her when she cried, drinking the bottles of wine she brought out, mostly so she didn’t drink it all herself.

The emotion filled nights led him to admit something he hid for almost two decades. He loved her. And he told her. He wasn’t expecting her to kiss him first. He knows it’s a betrayal to Adrian, but he can’t bring himself to stop. Though, little Sylvie running around telling everyone how much she loves to having her Uncle Eli over for dinner so often proves to be a little nerve wracking; he’s not sure what would happen if Adrian ever found out the truth.

C O N N E C T I O N S -

adrian solano: best friend lissa briganti: interest

#lsrp #lsrpg #crime rp #mob rp #bio rp #solano #elijahbio #open

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doof-doofblog · 4 years

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EastEnders Iconic Episodes:- Shirley Confesses

Tuesday 11th August 2020

Good evening folks! Hope you have all had a good week! It's been another busy week for myself working and sorting things out for future possibilities! But enough about that, i'm back tonight with the follow up of the recent iconic episode. This episode I believe is the one where Shirley reveals to Mick that Dean is in actual fact, his brother! This episode was originally aired 26th December 2014! Oooo it looks as if the Carters were at centre stage during the Christmas episodes! Let's jump straight into it!

Okay, the episodes seems to start right in the heat of it all, I'm not 100% certain if Dean has already raped Linda? Was this the episode everything came out in the open? Was Mick out for revenge and Shirley couldn't let one son destroy the other? Mick is standing above Dean and Shirley is in tears as she says "He's your brother ... and I'm your Mum!" ... this was the first Mick had any idea about Shirley being his mother, all his life he had believed she was actually his sister! Understandably this was a huge shock to the Carter family ... it seems only those who knew were Sylvie and Aunt Babe!

Ooooo remembering Aunt Babe gives me the chills! Do you guys remember how twisted and cruel she was? I'm sure she was a perfect villain during her time on the Square! And oh yes ... Stan and Sylvie, another two characters who sadly passed away on this soap! It's sad how many of the Carter family have left the soap, originally Shirley was the only one until the writers decided to bring in a family for her, she firstly had her son Deano (now known as Dean) and her daughter, Carly. Eventually they both left the square and in time along came Mick, Linda and their 3 children Lee, Nancy and Johnny, and of course Tina! Shirley has had many gripping story-lines but I think this one has to top them all, it was such a big reveal and I think everyone didn't expect it! Shirley reveals to the family that Mick's biological father is Buster, who just so happens to be Dean's father also. Poor Shirley tells everyone the story, she was pregnant at 14, a terrified teenager who was told to keep her pregnancy a secret. How much she wanted to tell Mick everyday that she was in actual fact his Mum. Mick can't seem to believe what he's hearing, he simply says to her "I'm not your boy! - That thing is not my brother, and if he is, it changes nothing!"

Mick leaves the pub to escape the situation while Linda follows. The rest of the family are reeling from Shirley's confession, Stan recalls that it was when Sylvie and Babe took Shirley to a caravan, it was only meant to be for a week but they ended up staying longer, he can't believe himself that Sylvie and Babe made him believe that Mick was actually his! It's awful how many lives have been torn by this deep secret not just Mick's but Shirley's, Dean's and Stan's has all been a lie! I think this was the moment when the viewers came to really hate Babe, as she (if i'm not mistaken) was the one who thought of the plan in the first place, when Sylvie states she did what she had to do, Babe is throwing all sorts of insults at Stan - saying how he'd never realised they were gone in the first place and also throwing a dig in about how desperate he was to have a son.

Linda joins Shirley outside, I guess as a Mother, she sympathies with Shirley, but then Shirley decides to throw it back in her face and says she blames Linda and say to Mick that everything was a mistake and none of it would've happened. She demands Shirley to collect her things and leave. She goes back inside the Vic and heads upstairs, Nancy then whispers to Lee that she can't understand why her Dad would want to rip into Dean, and Lee replies "He obviously did something to deserve it!" ... are the kids not yet aware of what Dean has done to their Mum? Has that secret not been revealed yet?!

Meanwhile on other parts of the Square, Kat and Alfie are over at Stacey's having Christmas dinner with Tommy and Lily. Does anyone remember what is going on between Kat and Alfie during this time? There is quite a bit of tension between them at the dinner table. Where they not together at this point? Suddenly, the doorbell rings and Stacey goes to answer, it's revealed to be Linda wanting to speak to Stacey. She's actually looking for Mick but Stacey questions why Mick would be round at her house on Christmas Day, for then Linda to admit to Stacey that Mick knows about the rape. The scene then changes to Nick, Charlie and Ronnie all in Dot's kitchen ... what was the reason behind them wanting to get rid of Nick? They hand him an envelope full of cash before Dot enters the room, Nick then says that it's time for him to leave, which leaves poor Dot feeling crushed that her son has to leave so quickly on Christmas Day. I love that during Linda's ordeal, she befriended Stacey and she can completely understand how Linda is feeling, as it also happened to her. All the emotions Linda is going through, Stacey went through the exact same thing. It seems that talking to Stacey helped Linda immensely. Linda explains that Dean seems to think that it was consensual, and Stacey also explains that Dean is actually lying to himself. Linda shouldn't have to worry about Dean anymore and just focus on herself and Mick. Rape is always such a difficult subject to portray as there are so many ways it can go, and by that I mean ... the person who did the attack may or may never get caught. The one who was the victim, is left to feel so small and abused and violated and struggles to come to terms with what has happened to them. I think there have been quite a handful of women who have been raped in EastEnders ... Stacey, Kat, Linda, Little Mo, Ruby, Ronnie to name but a few.

Dean is then seen in Denise's salon cleaning himself up, meanwhile Linda eventually catches up with Mick, she explains that Shirley has always been there for him regardless of the secrets she has kept, she tells him that perhaps in a few months time he'll be able to come to terms with Shirley being his Mum. But Mick states that Shirley hasn't even crossed his mind, the only thing that is going round and round in his head is Dean and what he did to his wife. Linda tries to persuade Mick that she can live with it, and that the only thing that worries and scares her is everyone finding out, especially their kids. As Shirley gets her bags together, Stan stops her and tells her to join him in the kitchen and he asks her if she remembers everything, he starts to reminisce and recalls when they brought baby Mick home, and how so unhappy Shirley looked as she stood by the car in the pouring rain and watched as her baby was brought into the family. I guess Stan also sympathises with Shirley as he too has been lied too, believing Mick was his. He asks as to why she never told him once her mother had left, but Shirley claims that Mick was the one thing that made him happy, how could she ruin that for her Dad? Then, Stan says how much he wishes Sylvie had never done that, Shirley reveals that she didn't want her to go through with it in the first place, then it clicks - to the both of them, Babe!!! Babe was the one behind it all and the cause of such a horrible secret!

Eventually the Vic is then opened up for the locals, Phil, Sharon, Ian and Jane and everyone make their way into the pub. Mick and Linda arrive to see everyone in their boozer, poor Linda looks at Mick with worrying eyes but he plants a kiss on her lips to put her at ease and tells her everything will be okay. Upstairs of the Vic, Stan and Shirley go into the living room where Sylvie, Tina and Babe are sitting. Stan demands Babe to leave! He's disgusted with what she has done to the family, he reveals everything to Tina. I think this is the moment we also see the fact they Babe has been twisting everybody's mind, manipulating them ... even Sylvie. She looks over at Sylvie for backup but she remains silent. Shirley is even looking at Babe with daggers, she remembers how much Babe was behind it all. Babe is acting all innocent claiming that she was the one who kept the family together and that if it wasn't for her, Mick would've been sent to an orphanage.

Mick then makes his return to the Vic, wanting to know why Shirley was still there. This is when Stan pleads to them all to try and talk it through as a family should, I don't think I liked Stan to begin with, but over time and especially during this episode - its as if he was being the rock of the family. The one who was speaking to reason, trying to make Mick understand that Shirley is also a victim in this scenario. Mick might've been given a huge blow as to who his parents are, but Shirley was also the one who had to suffer in silence for years and years. He's even trying to support his daughter, Shirley ... when he says the words to Mick, "That's your Mum standing there!" ... Mick's eyes begin to tear up, okay she's not his sister, but I don't think he loves her any less! Only thing that seems to go wrong then, is for Stan to claim to Mick that he has a brother, that minor fact makes Mick's stomach turn and he basically states he wants nothing to do with Dean! Tina begs Mick to explain what it is that Dean has done wrong so they can sort it as a family .... Oh yes, and even Shirley claims to Mick that Linda was lying ... during this heated discussion Linda is making her way up the stairs and she hears everything that is being said as she hides behind the door, then - clear as day, Mick shouts at Shirley "Your son raped her! Your son raped my wife!" - after promising he wouldn't tell the family, Linda listens and looks in horror as the secret she has kept has been revealed to other members of the family.

Mick then realises he's made a huge mistake by blurting it out to the family. He demands that Tina and Stan keep the information to themselves and don't treat Linda any differently. Meanwhile Dean goes knocking on Stacey's door asking for shelter as he has nowhere to go. It's interesting as they were once friends, years and years ago. Stacey would not want anything to do with him now, now she knows about him attacking Linda! Shirley then decides to leave the Vic quietly, without causing a scene. She bumps into Dean and they both hug in floods of tears, Dean is in despair asking his Mum what to do. Mick then finds out from Lee that Linda had been upstairs during the conversation he had with the other members of the family, it becomes clear to him that she possibly could've heard him reveal her secret, after promising to keep it to himself. He calls for her and goes in the bedroom only to find her ring on the dressing table. Where had she gone? Is her now panicking that he could've lost his wife after obeying her trust? He then makes his way downstairs and demands everyone to leave, pushing everyone out of the pub and throwing the Queen Victoria bust over the bar. He's clearly in deep distress and anger that he can't control his actions ... reeling over Dean, the news about Shirley being his mother and now Linda disappearing. He smashes everything to pieces, even throwing a stool and punching a piece of glass on the wall. Poor Lee looks on in shock as he too has no idea what has caused his Dad to lash out in such a way. Dean and Shirley watch as people flee from the Vic, Linda is then seen walking away with a suitcase in hand! Is she leaving the Square? Is she leaving Mick for good? At that point in time - we didn't know! Mick slumps onto the floor as his family watch, he holds his wife's ring in his bloodied hands.

This episode was a big Boxing Day aftermath of Shirley's reveal from the day before. Luckily Linda did return and Dean got his comeuppance. Mick accepted the fact that Shirley was his Mum and over time he understood what she went through as a young teenager and eventually it all got turned round on Babe! They blamed her for everything and eventually removed her from the family. I remember now, for a long period of time, Shirley believed Dean. She was backing Dean's story, it's true that Shirley and Linda had never seen eye-to-eye from the beginning, but I think this was the time when Shirley and Linda fell out the most. Shirley couldn't believe what Linda had said ... Shirley could not and would not believe that her son was a rapist. This did last for quite a while, a couple of months maybe? Eventually Shirley did come to realise that Mick and Linda had been telling the truth and Dean eventually paid for his crimes after getting away with it for so long! During their time on the Square, the Carters have become such an iconic family ... they've been through so much since moving to Walford, but something tells me they've got many more story-lines to come! I want to applaud Danny Dyer and Linda Henry in this episode, they were both absolutely brilliant!

I also have some news to share with you this evening, as far as i'm aware the next iconic episode to be aired next week is going to be Pat & Frank's Affair! If I remember rightly, that was the episode in which Peggy reads out Frank's letter to her to everyone in the Vic, Pat and Frank are stood next to her as she reads it out and she lays a slap on each of them! I'm looking forward to re-watching that episode! In other news, it has been revealled that finally our favourite soap has been given a date to when it'll be back on air ... Monday 7th September is when EastEnders will be back on our TV screens! Okay the episodes will only be 20 minutes long, but we will be back to 4 episodes a week! I for one am incredibly excited to see what's in store. A lot of spoilers have been revealed in recent weeks ... Is little Amy Mitchell going to be accused of lying? Is something dark going to be revealed or visited from Denise's past? Will Chantelle's abuse from Gray finally be revealed? And also - the return of Kim Fox!!!! I hope you all have a fantastic weekend! I'll be back next week following the next iconic EastEnders episode! Thank you guys! Look after yourselves! xXx

#eastenders #spoilers #iconic #mickcarter #shirleycarter #lindacarter #deancarter #stancarter #sylviecarter #auntbabe #leecarter #nancycarter #katslater #alfiemoon #staceyslater

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multi-goodness · 7 years

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The One that got Away

I haven’t wrote a story where Brettonio is broken up in a while, so here it is. Actually it isn’t a Brettonio story at all. A story between Matt and Antonio. It is based on the Chicago Fire finale just before Matt is trapped in the fire :) I truly wish Matt and Antonio would have scenes more cause I love their friendship :) :) Enjoy!

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Although Antonio took the state’s investigator job to work less hours, most of the time he stayed at the office late because he needed something to distract himself from his break up with Sylvie.

As soon as he walked inside his apartment, he was hit with flashbacks of Sylvie. He sighed as he walked into the kitchen and headed to the refrigerator.

He opened the door and took out a beer. As he twisted off the cap, he thought about Sylvie.

They both agreed to ‘check in’ when his life settled down and for the most part it did. But since too much time has passed, he figured he lost his chance.

He heard a knock on his door and thought it was Gabby. Since their father was staying with her and Matt, he assumed she would need a place to hide soon. He walked into the living room and headed for the door.

As he answered the door he was surprised to see Matt on the other side.

“Hey.” Matt said as he held up a 6-pack of beer. “I need an escape.” He admitted.

Antonio chuckled and he nodded his head. He moved to the side to let him in. “And here I thought Gabby would be the one coming here to hide.”

Matt shook his head. “Are you kidding me? I think if Gabby had it her way, he’ll never leave.”

Antonio was kind of surprised when he first heard that Gabby let him move in with them. She took the divorce harder than he did. He obviously wasn’t happy finding out they were getting divorced, but he felt like if he knew before the party, he wouldn’t have gotten mad. He only wanted to hit his dad for disrespecting his mother. He, of all people knew divorce could happen even if two people still loved each other.

“You know how Gabby is when it comes to family.” He said as his thoughts trailed back when he got shot in vice. If it wasn’t for Gabby, he most likely would have bled in the hospital parking lot. But she ran and flagged down an ambulance. And even though that was enough for him, she risked her life to bring the person responsible for shooting him.

“Normally, yes. But I think it’s deeper than that. Even deeper than your father.” Matt admitted as he sat down on the couch.

“Like what?” Antonio demanded. He felt bad because since he broke up with Sylvie, he didn’t talk to Gabby much.

In the first week, she was stopping by to check on him but then he pleaded with her that he was fine. Now he just sends her a few texts a day letting her know that he wasn’t isolating himself like he did when he and Laura divorced.

“It’s just—- ever since we lost Louie, she tries to distract herself with things. Sometimes I feel like it’s because she doesn’t want to think about the pain. But then—I don’t know.” He shrugged his shoulders.

“So you feel like she only wants my padre there to forget the pain— or at least not think about it?”

He nodded his head. “I guess I’m no better though. I distracted myself helping out an old friend and now I’m focusing on politics stuff.”

“Hey, at least it’s healthy things though.” Antonio pointed out. “Except when Gabby tried to play detective.”

When Antonio found out what Gabby was doing or well did, he yelled at her and got her to promise that if she needed help with any cases, that she needed to come to him. He wasn’t sure if she would keep her promise but he was holding her to it.

“That definitely wasn’t healthy. But that’s Gabby.” Matt said as he thought about Gabby then he turned his attention to Antonio. “How about you though?”

“What about me?” He asked puzzled as he picked up the remote and turned on the television.

“Are you doing healthy things to keep your mind off of Sylvie?” He asked. Normally he kept out of people’s relationships, but figured he should ask since Gabby was going to ask and want to know how her brother is really doing.

“Why would I need to do anything to keep my mind off of Sylvie?” He asked. “We tried our best and it didn’t work out. Just like I thought it wouldn't.”

“Do you think—-and please don’t yell at me when I ask this—- but do you think you gave up easily? You just said it didn’t work out like you thought. You can’t be in a relationship and have doubts because when something small pops up, you’ll run away out of fear.”

If he didn’t respect Matt or if he wasn’t married to his sister, he would have either punched him or told him off. He was doing so well not thinking of that question. It was a question he thought of often. He let his fear get the best of him. Laura couldn’t handle his job, how could he expect Sylvie to handle his job and his crazy ex-wife?

He nodded his head slowly. “Maybe. But Sylvie deserves better than what I can give her. She deserves someone who can make her their entire world. She deserves someone who doesn’t have a crazy ex-wife who’ll pop up at her job and embarrassed her.”

“You loved her.” Matt observed as he watched him talk about Sylvie. With such sadness but also with admiration.

“Maybe.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I always thought I would think of Laura as the one who got away. But I think it’s Sylvie now.”

“You know, when people talk about the person that got away it’s because they didn’t fight for them. You still have a chance with Sylvie.”

“I don’t.” Antonio argued. “Nothing in my life changed. I am still in a custody situation with Laura, she’s still as crazy as ever and my job may have settled but let’s face it, I’m always going to busy with work. She deserves better.”

Matt looked at him and although he wanted to talk to him more about this, he could see the pain in his eyes. He could also see that while he was saying these things, he didn’t believe it. “Okay, let’s talk about something else. But before we do, I’m just going to say this one thing, you need to talk to Sylvie. It seems like you made the decision for her and that isn’t fair. You may think you’re protecting her, but you aren’t. You are only causing both of you pain that is unnecessary.” He stayed silent for a few minutes as Antonio flipped on a game. It wasn’t anyone they cared about but this was better than being home while Ramona ate all his food and was demanding things.

“So, how bad is my padre?” Antonio asked. He knew Matt didn’t come over here to discuss his love life.

“I don’t think he would be so bad if he wasn’t demanding things and if he also tried to look for a job.”

“I can help with that.”

“I think you shouldn’t go anywhere near Ramona.” Matt said knowing the last time they saw each other, Antonio was ready to kill him.

“That was months ago and my ma, she’s fine. At the time everyone’s emotions were high.” Antonio said. “But he’ll listen to me.”

“What are you going to do? Ask him to come stay here?” Matt asked. Antonio shook his head. “Oh no. There are only two people who can demand me what to get to eat and that’s my kids. It’s kind of my job to listen to their demands.” He said with a smile. “ But maybe I can get him to look for a job. He can’t depend on you a d Gabby for the rest of his life.”

“Before you do that, maybe you should talk to Gabby. But good luck. I’m telling you, this isn’t good for newlyweds to deal with.” “You guys will be fine. Gabby has her limits. You know this, but with family, sometimes her limits are higher.” Antonio said.

Matt nodded his head. “Wanna order a pizza? I’m starving.”

Antonio nodded his head. “Sure. Does Gabby even know you’re here?” He asked.

“No. But that’s because she’s working at Molly’s tonight. I’ll go there in a few hours to keep her company.” If he stopped by now, he wouldn’t be able to talk to Gabby anyway since it was always packed at this time. “Unless you wanna stop by now?” He asked.

Antonio nodded his head. The thought that he could glance at Sylvie for a few hours made him excited, although he wouldn’t admit that. He was a man after all. “Sure.”

#Brettonio #a little bit anyway #Antonio Dawson #Sylvie Brett #Matt Casey #sorry if my Matt sounds OOC #this is just the type of friendship I wish they'd have :)

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nedcanquen · 7 years

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Chapter 6: Mr 7th Floor

Tags: Slow Burn (like…really slow burn) - endgame is NedCan but they don’t get there directly, Single POV, Yep, Canada will date other people before endgame because he’s very desirable even if he doesn’t always know it, Audit firm AU, Office AU, some angst…

Pairings: NedCan (endgame), NorCan, implied NedDen, DenNor (I can’t believe I missed this in the last update), implied Spamano, France/Jeanne d’Arc, GerIta

Photo from Pexels / Pixabay

Matthew doesn't know why he’s once again, riding the elevator to his desk. It’s an odd kind of detachment, he’s controlling his body but he isn’t. It’s on autopilot, but mostly because he doesn't know what else to do when he wakes up that morning. Well, he doesn't really wake up, because he hardly slept in the first place, so he went for a run. After the run failed to do whatever it was he wanted it to (he had no idea), Matthew showered and got changed for work. The best explanation he can give himself is that it’s routine, and routine is comforting right now because he doesn’t have to risk thinking - down that path led to ugly doors and ugly thoughts. Still, Matthew’s brain isn’t the type to just fully shut off, it needs something to be distracted. Right now, between Francis’ command that he take a step back from work, the reality of fighting his personal demons over his lost promotion and lost potential relationship, or being a workaholic, the latter was sadly, the much preferred option. He knew how to work, he could do it on autopilot, but perhaps his mistake hasn’t so much been being a workaholic, but that he’s been focusing on the wrong thing.

“Patrice, Sylvie, sorry for the short notice, but how about we change our setting and have a brainstorming session?”

His team has been walking on eggshells around him all week and it’s not healthy. It’s one thing for his unprofessionalism to affect himself, but it crosses a line when it affects everyone else. It’s time to fix that. He’s lucky that the team is pretty self-sufficient but still. Patrice smiles and nods while Sylvie looks relieved. That’s a good sign at least. To continue the positive mood, Matthew decides to completely change their scenery. They pack up their computers and walk to the building across the street to set up in the firm’s bar.

The PK&DE bar is actually located on the opposite building of the one where he usually works - an odd halfway measure to compromise PK&DE’s rapid growth - they had to rent floors across the street to seat everyone comfortably. On normal days the extra walk can be frustrating, but today it turns out to be a good thing because the distance liberates him in a way and he can be the mentor that he needs to be. He still takes pride in being a professional and the work that he does, the lack of a promotion wouldn’t hurt otherwise, but he hasn’t been doing a good job of being that professional in the past two days.

Their productivity is off the charts that morning, so this is definitely a good call. Sequestered away in their own corner, Matthew walks Patrice and Sylvie through the process of actually resolving the issues they raise in their audit reports based on what they’ve learned from sitting with the client for months. Well, Patrice should be promoted to Manager soon so he’s been through this before, but for Sylvie it’s still a process of being given knowledge. She needs more experience before she’ll be able to connect the dots. Without exposure to sessions like these though, there are no dots to connect. It’s not good enough to write a long audit report and flag problems. PK&DE charges a premium because they’re supposed to be able to deliver more. Clients were not receptive to inane textbook issues and answers after putting up with you sitting in their office for months, digging through all the paperwork of the past year and knowing that audit findings could cost them their jobs. If they raised an audit point, it had to actually be something worth raising, and something worth raising, needed a worthwhile solution.

They’ve drawn mind maps with a spider’s web of linkages and scribbles on several pieces of A3 recycled paper that’s been taped together and covers two tables. They could do it on a computer, but there’s some kind of connection that the brain makes when you physically draw something out, especially drawn out this big when you’re discussing it at the same time. It helps to make sure that Sylvie is adding her own notes to the mind map as well so she feels invested and can therefore contribute more to the process - she’s the one literally sitting at the client’s and reading through every single document they have, so she is the one with the most knowledge here.

Having the issue illustrated in front of them also makes the knots somewhat easier to unravel. Matthew is already drawing links to where the problems are and potential solutions lie and he can coach Patrice and Sylvie towards them as much as he can without giving the game away. For Patrice he’s mostly teaching management skills by this point, so really it’s Patrice doing most the leading with Matthew jumping in occasionally and filling in whatever gaps are missing.

Matthew feels better already, and it’s good to be reminded of these rare moments of accomplishment, hidden behind the many more moments of frustration behind office politics or administrative paperwork that otherwise takes up his time. Matthew does care about his team, and it’s likely a more healthy driver, to be driven by working with good people, rather than believing that your life is worthless if you aren’t the best at everything. It’s easier said than done though. It also doesn’t take away the reality that Matthew is an introvert by nature and part of the reason why today is working out so well is because he’s only sharing space with two people, rather than everyone in the department, as much as he likes them. It’s also a lesson in trust, he knows that sometimes he takes on too much of the work because he doesn’t want to overwhelm the younger staff. He does less of that now, but he needs to figure out better ways to do that more often and let them have the hands-on experience for themselves without him abandoning them. Some things you have to let people experience and fight through for themselves after all.

“You could have booked a meeting room - those have whiteboards for you to play with.”

They turn and greet Ha, who’s walking to them. Matthew is grateful that she hasn’t sat him down and demanded that he leaves Francis, or asked him what he feels or needs to do. Matthew supposes that she just knows he needs some time to calm down. After all, he knows her well enough to know what she would do in this situation - fight tooth and nail then leave (she is terrifying if you get on her bad side), but he’s not Ha, or Michelle, or Arthur for that matter. Matthew wishes more than occasionally, that he could be more like Arthur, or Daan, or even Alfred when it comes to work, if he’s being honest. It would certainly make things much easier, but he’s not. He’s just Matthew, and it’s exhausting to try to be someone else.

But ‘exhausting’ is oftentimes still easier though, because now he has to re-figure out who ‘Matthew’ is. Today seems to be a good start on that.

“Meeting rooms are all booked, I already tried.” Matthew responds. “HR is on a hiring push. I don’t want to interrupt the hopefuls. What’s up?”

“Lunch?”

Matthew looks at his watch - it’s 11.55 already, where has the time gone? Ha is looking over at their mind map and Matthew has to shake his head. “You guys go ahead. Thanks for coming all the way to get me but,” He wants to avoid potential uncomfortable questions over how he feels, which may come up at a lunch setting but not an office setting. “But I think I want to keep working on this. I can grab something here anyway.”

But Ha just smirks and winks, she’s looking at his computer screen now. “No need to lie Matt, I can keep a secret you know.” She whispers, giving a sly grin to both Patrice and Sylvie, who look confused but dangerously intrigued.

“What?” Matthew asks with some worry.

“Oh so he didn’t tell you two?” Ha asks Patrice and Sylvie.

“Secrets Matthew? I’m hurt.” Patrice jokes and Sylvie just smiles, waiting for the punchline. Yeah, Matthew wants to know it too.

“It’s exciting but don’t you think it’s a little too soon?” Ha is leaving the question open ended. Too soon after what?

Matthew still has no idea what she’s talking about. Something nags at the back of his mind though. Ha’s expression slowly changes as she realizes he isn’t lying.

“Your calendar Matt, it’s showing a lunch appointment with Daan deBoer at noon.” She waves her hand at his screen.

“OH SHIT!!!”

“OH WOW!”

“WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!”

Somehow all of this was exclaimed at the exact same time. Matthew forgot. How had he forgotten lunch with Daan?! Fuck fuck fuck, it’s 11.56 now, and it’s lunch hour he’s going to be late because the elevators are slow as molasses uphill during lunch and of course this is the day he decides he has to work in the OPPOSITE building! It’s too late to send a message now and all he can do is run. “My computer! The mind map!” It’s confidential, all of it, and yes these are technically the firm’s grounds but Matthew hasn’t locked his laptop to the table as IT policy insists he does and they follow a strict clean desk policy.

“We’ll take care of it Matthew! We’ll bring everything to your desk, just GO!” Ha yells.

Matthew is a good head taller than her but he’s not going to argue with that tone or expression so he sprints out of the bar and desperately presses the elevator button several times. He had barely looked at his laptop all morning, since he was so focused on Patrice, Sylvie and the mind map, and with how much he had shut down parts of his mind, fighting between indulging in the voice that emphatically berated him for being forgettable and not good enough and stamping it out with everything else, he had plain forgotten. It was embarrassing to the extreme. The elevator doors finally open, filled with disgruntled and hungry workers but Matthew pushes himself in anyway.

He’s not a small man. Usually it’s not a problem, but now he gets some stares, no doubt annoyed at him for insisting on entering a full elevator, but Matthew spares them that as soon as the doors open by sprinting out the doors. The building doors slide open fast enough and he can see Daan standing across, as he promised, in the lobby of the opposite building and looking at his watch. Matthew knows he’s late, Matthew knows that Daan has a reputation for hating tardiness when he’s in Canada, Matthew sprints across the street and hopes that he can be forgiven for a few minutes since this is the first time they’re having an appointment.

Matthew doesn’t see the car. He sees Daan look up with a frown on his face that quickly turns into alarm. Then he hears the horn, the screech and burnt scent of stressed brakes and a car taps him just enough to make him fall off balance onto the road, more from shock than any actual impact. He lands on his shoulder. If the car doesn’t stop, there’s nothing to save him, but thankfully it doesn’t move. Matthew lets out a breath and realizes that he doesn’t feel hurt, it’s just the smell of engine and rubber that’s assaulting his nose and eyes. He looks up at the nose of a silver Porsche and hears someone wailing from inside the car. Matthew rises so fast he feels dizzy and has to lean on the car hood for a moment, but his main concern is making sure that whoever’s in the car is unhurt from such a sudden braking, especially in a car this powerful. A shocked blonde man with somewhat disheveled, but mostly slicked back hair is sitting on the driver’s side, holding a smaller crying man with auburn hair.

Footsteps run up beside him and Matthew feels himself manhandled off the road to the safety of the sidewalk. He looks up to ask the person to release him, he’s being held with a desperate grip on the forearm that he didn’t fall on and it’s not helping - oh. It’s Daan. Of course it’s Daan. And he looks absolutely livid.

“WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?!”

Matthew opens his mouth but no words can come out because at this proximity, Daan’s angry voice sounds like it has an echo. Matthew also doesn’t appreciate being yelled at, but he has to admit that what he just did was pretty stupid and dangerous, and not just to himself. A car door slams and Matthew turns to see that the car has pulled over to the side and the blonde driver has stepped out of it. It wasn’t an echo, it was Daan and this man yelling at him at the same time. “I’m sorry.” He says to the other blonde man, who looks uncomfortably familiar.

“And you…” Daan glares at the approaching man. “Are you blind as well as fu-”

“Daan it hurts.” Matthew says calmly, tensing the arm where Daan is still gripping tight. It’s an exaggeration, Matthew can take pain, but he’s finally remembered who the two men in the car are and he doesn’t want Daan to say something absolutely career-killing over a dumb mistake that Matthew made.

Daan stops mid-rant and looks back at Matthew, bewildered, as he drops his hand. “I’m sorry. But damnit Matthew-”

“Luddy!” The formerly crying man has stuck his head out the window completely, and is calling out from across the road. It didn’t look like Daan was going to get to finish his sentences, for that, Matthew is grateful. “Everyone’s alright? I have tomatoes in the back, let’s feed everyone tomatoes! All will be well!”

What? That is the most random thing Matthew has heard today but he also hears some laughter from the crowd that has gathered at the lobby and on the side of the road. ‘Luddy’s’ face lights up with a slight smile, so it seemed to be the right words to break the tension. Until today, Matthew has only known of Feliciano Vargas by reputation. He’s a male socialite who is a social media celebrity and has a reputation for randomness with a strong streak of social genius. This is a man who can act stupid and do stupid things but make a lot of money off of it. He understands people in a way Matthew knows he never will.

“Oh...joy.” Daan seems to murmur to no one in particular and doesn’t look particularly joyful. Matthew looks back at Daan while Daan looks back at him with wide eyes. He tugs Matthew closer and says more calmly. “You’re lucky to be alive. If it were Feliciano behind that wheel, and not Ludwig, you wouldn’t be.”

“He is right about that.” Ludwig Beilschmidt, Managing Partner of Heta&Lia, approaches them. He had taken over as Antonio’s successor after a scandal. A man built from completely different cloth from Antonio, Ludwig was an Assurance man all the way, just like Matthew. He was likely selected to give his firm undoubted integrity after that mess, and his famous husband gave Ludwig some degree of likability, even to those who thought he was too stony. But the ‘stoneman’ only ever melted for his ridiculous husband. Seeing has how he had inadvertently made Feliciano cry, Matthew now knows that if he ever wants to change jobs, he may as well cross the entirely of Heta&Lia off his list. “Are you alright?” Ludwig asks.

Matthew blinks in surprise. “I was going to ask the same about you and your husband. I’m alright, you barely tapped me.”He holds his arms up, as if to prove it. Other than some minor scrapes and bruising that Matthew can feel, he is fine. The reality is exhilarating. Thanks for…” Not driving over him? “Stopping, that was entirely my fault, I’m so sorry.”

He could say a lot more, how his mind has been anywhere but present this whole week, but it sounds silly now. Matthew can barely contemplate how sad it truly would have been if he had died in some meaningless accident with his mind anywhere but here, sad and upset about his life. “I really haven’t been...I’m sorry. If there’s any damage to your car…” Matthew gulps, even a minor problem on a Porsche would probably be monumental.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Daan scoffs. “Ludwig, he’s one of mine. He was running to meet me. If there’s a problem, let me know.”

“No!” Matthew objects, but Ludwig simply nods.

“I checked just now. There is nothing. If my brakes were to break over such a thing, Porsche should not be selling cars. And Feliciano and I are alright. You really have no idea how Feli drives. I actually hope that this experience will instill some sense into him.”

Daan lets out a snort. “If you believe that, there’s a bridge I’d like to sell you Ludwig.”

“Hey!” It’s Feliciano again, who seems to have snuck up behind them, holding a small box of the tomatoes he promised. “I offer you tomatoes and that’s how you repay me? They’re free tomatoes Daan! Don’t you like anything that’s free?”

Amazingly, Daan rolls his eyes and cracks half of a sarcastic smile. “Yes, yes, and you only care about food and fashion, Ludwig is stupid and has no sense of humor, Matthew here is niceness incarnate and oh what else have I forgotten? I received coupons for all my birthdays and went Dutch on every date.”

“I do have high food standards! Don’t pretend you don’t agree!” Feli teases, dropping the box into Daan’s arms. “And don’t you dare go Dutch on this date, this guy almost got run over just to see you!”

The words fall on Matthew like a ton of bricks.

“Fe-Li…” Ludwig grumbles.

“What?! Oh give me a break! The whole industry’s been repressed since Antonio! It’s ridiculous!”

Ludwig sighed but his lips are still upturned, fond. “It is not ridiculous Feli, and not everyone who eats lunch together is on a date. I’ve also explained why, multiple times, that what they did was-”

Feli waves his hand with an impatient flourish. “It’s a job Luddy! A job! You can always find a new job but your soulmate? That’s for life!”

They’re all silent for a few beats then, and Matthew can’t quite believe how unbelievable this week has become but here it is. It has cumulated into his narrow avoidance of being manslaughtered by the man in charge of a rival firm, who’s being told off by his husband for thinking that Partners should not tie up people to their desks to publicly have sex with them. Okay, fine, Matthew is being uselessly pedantic, that’s because he knows Feliciano’s words are going to echo uncomfortably with him for a long time. There really isn’t any argument one can put up against what he was saying, which is why they’re all standing there uncomfortably and Ludwig finally takes his husband in his arms and starts murmuring something that Matthew assumes is Italian but with an odd accent. Meanwhile, Daan simply rolls his eyes and begins studiously gazing at the label on the box of tomatoes in his arms - a funny distraction, but at least he has one. Matthew is quite jealous of him in this moment.

“Right, well…” Matthew decides to say because he needs to get out of this awkward situation right now! “Thanks for the tomatoes, I think I’ll get going.”

“Wait!”

“What?”

Ludwig and Daan both yell at him the same time. Ludwig wants him to wait it seems, while Daan looks equal parts worried and offended.

“I mean…” Matthew desperately waves at Daan. “You’re hungry aren’t you?”

Daan just gives him an exasperated look while Ludwig sighs loudly. “At least let us take you to a clinic to get checked out! You cannot simply go walking on back to work!”

Oh right. He looks at the husbands and for some reason feels even more exhausted at the idea of dealing with them for any longer. On any other day he could do it, well no, any other week. But not this week. Feliciano is...a little too much honestly and Matthew feels exhausted at the thought of having to deal with him for more than five minutes. Ludwig is...well the sad part is, he’s kind of the role-model of any auditor and Matthew isn’t so sure he likes the image of Ludwig as his future self. Also, the codependency they exhibit - he’s not sure if it makes him jealous or makes him cringe. “Thank you but I’m really really..ready to move on from this. I’ll take myself to the clinic, I promise I’m absolutely fine.”

Ludwig looks like he’s about to object so Matthew squares his shoulders and puts more authority in his voice. “If I have any other questions or feel odd for any reason, I will get a hold of you. I really appreciate everything, truly but you’ve done everything you can - most importantly, you didn’t kill me. No one is harmed.”

Ludwig at least gives him a sympathetic look. Matthew feels that the man can understand him at that moment. “Right. Well, enjoy the tomatoes.” Ludwig says. “Matthew, if you feel odd for any reason, definitely give me a call and I will organize a visit to a specialist for you.” He hands Matthew his card, even though Matthew can likely find him through an online search. Then again, he sees the handwritten mobile number written on it and takes the card. It does help, having the direct line rather than having to jump through unnecessary hoops.

“And Daan.” Ludwig turns to Daan. “If it makes you feel any better, they are good tomatoes. You know how picky -”

“Yes, yes.” Daan cuts in tersely. “Even psychopathic nutjobs can have hobbies and be good at them.” He waves farewell immediately after, and Matthew does the same, pondering those words.

After some polite farewells, Ludwig and Feliciano turn to leave, then Daan calls out, “Wait, Feliciano, how is your brother doing?”

Feliciano turns with a warm smile. “He’s happy Daan. Happiest I’ve ever seen him.”

Daan just nods. They leave and Matthew wonders what that was all about. Daan hands him the box before he can ponder too deeply. There’s a giant label on the side that boldly displays the brand ‘LOVE’S TOMATOES’ that temporarily confuses him.

“Wha?”

“You’ve kind of earned them, I mean, you did survive getting hit by a car and Feliciano isn’t lying when he says he’s picky about his food. I saw the trunk when he opened it to get these, the whole damn thing is full, no wonder he’s trying to give some away...” He rambles. Daan rambling, this week has gotten odder. “Honestly though, are you alright? I’m sorry for grabbing you earlier.”

Matthew can only nod. “It’s okay, I mean, I feel alright, but after lunch I’m going to a clinic just to get checked out, and then I’m definitely going home. I’ve learned my lesson. This is the type of week where I should just stay in bed.”

Daan laughs and nods. It occurs to Matthew that Daan is uniquely positioned to know about all of the blows Matthew has suffered this week, and maybe that’s why he wanted to speak to him.

“Well that’s good at least.” Daan says. “But why don’t you go now? I’ll come with you. At the very least, you need someone to help you carry a box of tomatoes.”

Matthew shakes his head and also finds laughter bubbling out from himself. “This is the most random thing, ever, I mean…”

Daan shrugs. “That’s Feliciano and Ludwig for you. The most unlikely, sickeningly sweet couple you’ll ever meet. You’d expect that level of mutual codependency to explode but it seems to work on them. You know they’re actually childhood sweethearts? Poster childs for choosing to stay together and accept change...a lot of it.”

Matthew has to smile at that, he doesn’t believe in two people staying together no matter what if it causes more pain than good, but Ludwig and Feliciano seem especially happy together, despite their differences.

“Which is also why Feliciano never had to grow up, well, they’re both kind of unevenly matured, to be honest. Ludwig is emotionally constipated because Feliciano can project enough emotion for three people and Ludwig handles all the responsible things, like drive in the city, so that Feli doesn’t accidentally kill anyone. But they’re happy.”

Matthew smiles and shrugs. “Well, to each their own. Anyway, I can put the box in my car, I’m not parked too far.”

Daan nods and they set off. “You know,” He starts, not too long into their walk. “If you need to be late, that’s...fine, I know it happens. Just let me know ahead of time.”

Matthew doesn’t want to admit that he forgot their lunch appointment, so he just nods and smiles out of habit, before he realizes that he’s too tired to continue swallowing things down all the time. Besides, as significant as Daan is to the periphery of his life, if Matthew is going to offend the man, he may as well do it now with some honesty rather than later when it would actually hurt.

“Uh yeah about that...I’m sorry, I was having a brainstorming session with my team and we got carried away. I completely forgot and didn’t look at my phone or computer or anything...”

He tries to bury his face in the tomatoes but that’s not a good solution. From this close he can see how good they are though.

“Alright then,” Daan shrugs. “That happens too, but when it does, I’d like to imagine that whatever I’d lay on you is better than this. If it’s not, well, just say so.”

And that was that. Simple, except there are weeks where Matthew is willing to put up a fight and weeks where he’d rather avoid one. Still Matthew is relieved, yet he wants to kick himself for his habit of making mountains out of molehills. It’s a little funny that Daan thinks it’s so easy for anyone to just tell him anything, but maybe it is for his actual team members.

It’s strangely comfortable and companionable after that, having Daan as a walking partner on these familiar streets. As nervous as he is, Matthew doesn’t really want their conversation to stop, though right now it’s inane and work-related. Daan is kindly not bringing up Mathias and Lukas, or the fact that he hasn’t been promoted, maybe because he’s also recovering from the fact that he almost saw someone get run over. He seems a little...overly engaged, like he’s trying too hard.

When they reach the car, Matthew’s much more humble twelve-year-old Ford pickup, at least in comparison to a Porsche, Daan takes the tomatoes so Matthew can get his keys to open the car.

“Do you need me to drive?” Daan hesitantly offers. “In case you’re still shaken up?”

Matthew let’s out a chuckle. “Thanks but, no offense, you seem more shaken up than I am. Box can go in the back seat, thanks.”

“Hey!” Daan objects. “You’re fine now, wait till the adrenaline disappears! You’ll be exhausted in seconds. Also...I don’t really like driving, that’s where more of the nerves come from.”

What? “Really?!”

Daan shrugs. “I can drive, sure, but I feel better when I’m cycling. Driving a car feels too, hmm, stressful. You’re always surrounded by idiots.”

“I don’t see how cycling on the same road as those idiots with no protective casing or air bags makes that better.” Matthew retorts honestly, now a little worried. He knew that Daan liked to cycle but not this much.

Daan smiles and climbs into the passenger seat next to Matthew. “I’ve been cycling for as long as I can remember, it’s like walking or talking for me, I’ve been driving for far less years. My reflexes are better on a bike.”

“What about winter?”

The man shrugs as Matthew climbs into his own seat. “It’s the same as winter driving - you change your mindset, make sure you have the right equipment…” He shrugs. “And if it’s really bad out then yeah fine, you can’t cycle, but you can’t really drive either. It’s not that big a difference.”

There kind of is. “Buying groceries?”

Daan gives him an incredulous look. “I’m just one guy, I don’t need a car to hold them all, and my housemate,” It’s the first mention of Mathias all day and Matthew imagines that Daan says the word rather pointedly. “Buys his own stuff. If we’re really desperate we get a supermarket to deliver. How much do you eat at home?” He teases.

Matthew can’t really imagine life without a car at all, so finally he settles on, “If the heating in your building goes out in winter, where do you run to so you don’t freeze to death?”

Daan laughs. “That has never happened, but I guess if it really came down to it, the cafe isn’t too far from where we live and it’s a different building.”

Matthew gives up, if Daan can’t see the correlation between Matthew’s recent near accident and literally cycling everywhere... “Right, well, we’re going to the clinic. If you get hungry, holler and we’ll stop there first instead?” Besides, if Daan avoids driving to that extent, he’s not trusting the man with his car.

“Nah, clinic first.” Daan answers the unspoken question as he buckles his seatbelt. It’s all so casual, as if they’ve been friends for a long time.

Matthew nods, figuring that both of them wouldn’t really have an appetite right now. “Then take out and we can eat at my place, and then I’m serious! I’m asking the doc for the rest of the week off and I’m not leaving my bed!”

It’s only after he says it that Matthew realizes what he’s just done, but he can’t hit himself in front of Daan, so he starts up his car instead.

The doctor gives Matthew the rest of the week off, a clean bill of health save for some scrapes and bruises (as expected), sleep aids and at Matthew’s final hesitant request and brief discussion, a referral to a therapist. Matthew has no idea if it’ll actually be effective, and his promise to Lukas is probably not binding anymore, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t a good idea. Maybe it was almost getting run over earlier in the day, but Matthew is willing to think a little differently, even if he’s still hesitant to make life-changing decisions in the heat of the moment. He’s not actually going to get the rest of the week off, there’s too little notice, but Francis said that Matthew can claim the lost time back. Matthew is grateful but he wonders if time will allow him to actually do that. Or if he wants to. He still doesn’t know what to do with free time or with himself. There are meetings he has to ‘attend’, which he will do by calling in or video conferencing, and he’ll work on urgent deliverables in the quiet of his home. Backup plans were made, emergency texts were answered as much as possible. Now all Matthew has to try to do is relax a bit.

Lunch is terribly indulgent, but hey, if you can’t indulge after surviving a near-death experience, why live? They pack two giant burgers from Harveys and head over to Matthew’s flat (Daan actually insists on paying for the burgers - survival comfort food, as he calls it). It occurs to him that since this crazy week started, he’s had guests over for three days in a row. His dining table is being used more than it has in years. With the exception of the previous night’s unpleasant ending, he was always happy to welcome these friends into his home. He also knows that at some point he will be ready to welcome Lukas into his life and home again, it’s not like he wouldn’t open the door if Lukas knocked on it tonight after all. But Matthew had never been nervous with these other guests. That is not the case with Daan behind him as he opens his door. Daan is probably the last person he ever expected to end up in his home.

“Right well, it’s humble, but it’s home.” Matthew hangs his keys on the hook next to the door and feels at a loss for a moment, not having a heavy bag to set down either. He had texted Ha earlier as well to help him bring his stuff over afterwards.

For now though, it is nice to come home without the added weight of his laptop hanging on his shoulders.

“Thanks for having me,” Daan says, somewhat formally after walking in. “Uh do we need plates?”

Matthew laughs nervously. “We’re going to rough it, straight from the wrap, if you don’t mind.” He really didn’t feel like doing the dishes afterwards. He also really didn’t know why he invited Daan over without thinking about it, at that moment he had just desperately wanted to retreat home. “But if you want plates, they’re in that cupboard over there.” He points it out.

Daan shrugs with an amiable, “Wraps it is.” And places the box of ‘Love’s’ tomatoes on the kitchen counter. As Matthew walks over to his table with the takeout, Daan calls out. “Want some fresh tomatoes with that? They’re pretty good just sliced up with olive oil, salt and pepper.”

There are already tomatoes in the burgers but okay, he may as well experience how good these tomatoes are, presumably grown by Antonio Fernandez-Carriedo. It had been years since he had thought of the man, but he supposed Feliciano did have a point. Ever since the scandal, inter-firm relationships between management and any kind of junior staff seemed to have shuttered to a halt, at least publicly. If Matthew were younger and had first had his crush on Daan after the scandal, he probably would have been allowed to forget it. Heck, he wouldn’t have admitted to it in the first place, 3am or no.

“Sure. Salt and pepper’s on the table, olive oil in the cupboard above the stove on the right, knife’s in the drawer next to the sink, uh, second drawer down.”

It was a miracle he had maintained some semblance of adult life in the past year, but he’s grateful for it now. He doesn’t know if he’d be able to live it down if he had invited Daan back to a cluttered flat with piles of things carelessly tossed everywhere, which was the state that he lived in before he had an honest conversation himself one day about how he wanted to live. It also helped that he had been having guests recently; he had just cleaned up yesterday for Lukas. Still, none of these musings prepared Matthew for the sight of Daan doing extremely domestic kitchen things in his home.

It’s odd, and Matthew tries to ignore the confused beating of his heart in his throat because he’s simply too...fascinated at the sight of Daan with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and cutting tomatoes. His Partner persona is not really present. It hasn’t been since the near-accident, actually, now that Matthew thinks about it. He just can’t stop observing. At this moment, Daan is clearly annoyed at how blunt the knife is and is digging for the knife sharpener. Who would have thought that after having uncomfortably faced the front of a car just inches from his face a few hours ago, that the sight that would finally make his brain fry up and stop working this week is simply Daan in his kitchen?

He’s so fucked. A million and one thoughts fly through his mind in an instant and it’s amazing he still manages to stand - ‘Of course you’re losing your mind over this guy in your fucking kitchen,’ he thinks ‘You’ve never been allowed to forget about him for years, but don’t get carried away Matthew, he’s just, well, who the hell knows why he’s here? You’re going to ask him though! Hey why are you so fixated now? Are you rebounding? Damnit Matthew, it’s barely been a day! But Feliciano said - who cares what he said! This is the unattainable guy you crushed on because you saw him in an elevator! Not your soulmate! Get a grip!’

“Are you judging me?” Daan’s question cuts through Matthew’s panicked thoughts and he can only stare dumbly.

“Huh?”

“You’ve been giving me this kind of scary look for the past minute or so. I swear Matthew, and you have to trust me on this, but a sharp knife is just one of those small things that makes a huge difference towards a more satisfied life. Now, is this cheapo Ikea sharpener the only one you have?” Daan’s tone may be teasing, but it is still laden with judgment.

“Yes, it is. There ought to be another knife that’s sharp, I think Ha sharpened it on Monday when she made dinner.” There are only two knives after all.

“Well how about I sharpen this one as well and then you can have TWO sharp knives.” Has his tone changed? Yes, what did it mean? Why did it change? “How about that? You’ll owe me one forever.”

Matthew’s mind can puzzle over the mystery of Daan deBoer all day, but it can’t, nope! It’s been a stressful day but Matthew knows he has to get a grip on himself, so he simply starts taking out the food and drinks and placing them on the table.

Still, Matthew has to laugh as the sound of a blade being pressed against stone echoes off the walls. “Are you always this silly when you’re not at work?” He has to ask.

Daan turns, temporarily stopping his work. “You think I’m silly? Sharp knives are serious business Matthew.” He runs the blade across a few more times. “Sharp knives lead to good food, good food gets you a market and connections, and those...get you money.”

Matthew can’t figure out if he’s joking, so he gives up at this inane line of reasoning, and simply grins. “Fine, I’ll sharpen my knives.” He walks into his kitchen to hand Daan a plate for the soon-to-be cut tomatoes. He distantly wonders if this was what Daan’s younger siblings had to endure - strange anecdotes about life and money. Daan’s a bit odd sure, but who isn’t? It’s strangely endearing.

Eventually they eat, and Matthew savors the juices and taste of familiar cooked meat on his tongue, allows the smell of his burger assault his nose and lets out a sound of appreciation. Survival comfort food indeed. Once they had finished their burgers (it didn’t take long, they must have both been starving), Matthew decides to cut to the chase. “So why did you want to have lunch with me so urgently this week? Was it because you knew I was going to start it with a demotion, followed by getting dumped?”

Daan freezes for a moment and there’s a second of uncomfortable silence before he regains his composure and chuckles. “That’s what I like about you Matthew, when it counts, you get straight to the point.”

Room full of Alfreds. Room full of Alfreds. Can’t show hesitance, you can handle this. “Well?”

Daan takes a breath. “I didn’t know that Francis was going to pull such a stupid stunt. I thought the Communications team made a silly mistake and left out your name until Arthur brought it up at the Partner meeting and Francis didn’t deny it. I originally wanted to see you to give you a heads up about Lukas and Mathias. I wasn’t there when they spoke at the cafe, but I sure as heck saw Mathias when he got home. I also had no idea if you’d even want to see me today, but when I didn’t get any message from you canceling our lunch plans…” He shrugged.

Matthew almost asked why he wouldn’t want to see Daan, before remembering that Daan was a reminder of his job and Lukas wrapped up in one. Except, Daan was kind of two guys - the guy he admired before he even met Lukas, when his job was still fun - gruelling, but fun - and he was also the actual guy who was sitting at his table that he’s only getting to know now. “Why give me a heads up?” He asks. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful but...I’m not actually one of your team members, we run into each other but we’re not exactly...close, we’ve worked together once.”

Daan nods and has that smirk again, Matthew is starting to wonder now if it’s not so much confidence, but a defensive quirk. “On the firm front, well, you reached out to Emil when you thought you could help him. I know we’re used to doing that for junior staff but it isn’t actually supposed to stop the moment you become a manager.” He leans back in his chair and looks at Matthew in that searching Partner way. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, sometimes it helps to talk it out with someone who’s not in your team. You can talk to me, if you want. If you’re not comfortable with me because I’m in the same firm or whatever, maybe you’d prefer to speak to Belle? She can keep a secret, isn’t part of the firm and has worked with both Francis and Arthur before…”

Wow that’s… “That’s really kind of you.” Matthew has no idea what he’s done to warrant this, but maybe Emil felt the same way when he was adopted by a manager he had avoided, impromptu, in a men’s bathroom.

“Secondly, unrelated to the job, back when I thought you and Lukas were going to be a fixture I figured I was going to see quite a bit of you, one way or the other. And…” He shrugs. “I didn’t mind that. You seem cool. I know it’s kind of awkward, given our professional relationship but, I was going to ask you to be my friend.” Daan laid that out in a matter-of-fact manner. “Hey, you know about my rabbits, and my travel schedule is finally going to fall back to a slightly more normal pace. I look forward to spending time actually living here and making friends again who aren’t my relatives, Mathias, or clients.” He laughs.

“Oh…” Matthew can’t help the smile breaking out on his face. “Really?”

Daan’s expression turns lightly calculating. “Why would I lie?”

Matthew is sure there could be plenty of reasons but he can’t think of them at the moment. He doesn’t know Daan well enough. Then again, what was it that Lukas had said? Daan was capable of deceit, but not so much outright lying. And there wasn’t much deceit involved in asking a no-name manager who couldn’t even get promoted to be his friend. This means that for some inexplicable reason, Daan really thinks he’s cool. Even if not, there’s no way Matthew will pass this up. Handsome or no, he’s wanted to get to know Daan for years, it would finally get rid of the awkward feeling he has, especially if Daan can reveal things that Matthew already knows about him, organically. Besides it’s just...well he doesn’t know why Daan thinks he’s cool, but there’s no doubt that Daan is, and intriguing, and just plain admirable.

Matthew is definitely going to wake up tomorrow morning and find out that he’s dreamed the whole thing. “I can’t think of a reason.” He answers, but he’s grinning from ear to ear, he just can’t help it. “I just didn’t see that coming. Can I be honest about my ulterior motive to being your friend though?”

Daan’s expression changes, somewhat wary, but intrigued. “Sure, since we’re being honest. What is it?”

“I really want to meet your bunnies.”

Matthew expects laughter and gets it but not quite like he expected. Not this beautiful, bowled over laughing, happy kind. He can’t help but join in, it’s too infectious to hear Daan laugh and to see the man smile. He has no idea what he’s doing but that’s the point of friendship isn’t it? You’re not supposed to calculate friendship. But Matthew also knows better. He’s been on the receiving end of this question before, in the States, from people who wanted to be his brother’s friend. He earns his money based on his ability to be likable by the most amount of people possible...but he can’t control other people’s motives. He can only be honest with himself about his own. He does want to be Daan’s friend.

But why him? Why Matthew? A guy who wears a mask all the time when Daan is so straightforward and has never needed to pretend to be likeable. Or…

Has he?

Matthew doesn’t know why it’s never hit him before. Time seems to slow down a little as he just looks at the silly guy in front of him, laughing. The silly guy who whined about being locked out of his apartment after a long journey home, the silly guy who lives with his childhood best friend so that friend wouldn’t get too lonely after the love of his life left him...and never asked him to leave. The silly guy who bought a third rabbit because he thought the first two were getting lonely. The silly guy who’s scared of driving cars! None of this matches the image of the Partner he’s heard about and worked with, the miser, the taskmaster, the robber, the prodigy. Maybe he’s all of these in one, or maybe some of these are a result of masks that he wore so that he could climb so high while so young, so that the rest would take him seriously.

Whatever it is, whoever Daan is, Matthew wants to know. He’s always wanted to know. Heck, if he actually gets hit by a car tomorrow, one of his last thoughts would probably be cursing himself for a coward if he couldn’t let himself believe Daan and try.

“Deal.” Daan grins. “You know, my sister always says that the only reason I have these rabbits is so I can have friends. Now I can tell her that she’s absolutely right. I am a genius. She should listen to her brother. Now come take a look, I took a really good pic yesterday!”

Matthew shoves the paper wraps aside like the messy slob he is so he can move closer to see (he’s a reformed messy slob, he’ll clean it up later, but for now, cute bunnies take priority).

“Okay, so introductions are in order. Maple is the baby of the lot, he’s the brown-colored one, Hitam, she’s the black one, she was a baby when I adopted her, together with Nijntje, who is the grand dame of them all. I got them when I first moved back to Canada, which was in…”

Maybe this isn’t going to be the worst week of his life after all.

#nedcan #hetaliararepaircentral #fic: mr 7th floor

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gramilano · 4 years

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Dancing Times has opened up the last 20 years of its archives to all until 7 April.

The monthly magazine has its think pieces, reviews, articles about technique, dance’s past and present, but I always head first to the interviews. Here are some tidbits I’ve come across, and I’ve only just scratched the surface. Read while you can via this link.

When interviewing Monica Mason in 2006, Gerald Dowler asked her in what ways the company had changed:

We have some dancers throughout the ranks who are capable of great virtuosity, who excel at the flashy stuff and this company was never famous for that. Ashton liked certain things: Wayne Sleep was a virtuoso and Fred choreographed for him; Dowell had a real ability to dazzle with his speed, but never at the expense of line or musicality. They were never as “flash” as some today; we have several people who can do multiple fouettés, which we would only have dreamt of doing; when Rudolf arrived, although he was never virtuosic in that way, he did things we couldn’t do and influenced us; Sylvie arriving and putting her legs in extraordinary places meant that others said “I can do that and maybe I’ll be allowed to”. You can’t keep the doors locked and the curtains drawn – if people said that everything was exactly as it was in 1952 it would be terrible!

Dancing Times May 2006

Dancing Times July 2007

Dancing Times January 2008

Dancing Times September 2009

In 2007, Roberto Bolle talked about rehearsing with Darcey Bussell for the last time:

I am very sad that she is retiring – as we rehearse now I am thinking that it will be the last time, and I am very sad. We have a beautiful relationship both as dancers and as people. That has helped because the atmosphere between us is great and we know each other very well. I will miss her, and it’s a shame because she is in such good shape – I have never seen a ballerina retire in such good shape! I have tried to persuade her but there is nothing we can do.

The same year, Nadine Meisner interviewed Alexei Ratmansky in Milan when the Bolshoi was performing in the city:

Out of the 20 ballets created on the company during his directorship so far, only three are by him… “I don’t think the Bolshoi should be the company of one choreographer. Also, as a choreographer I have a group of dancers I like to use, but as a director I have to find ballets that use the rest of the company.”

That means nurturing in-house choreographers. “It’s a difficult task because for decades only one star [Yuri Grigorovich] dominated the repertoire and this really affected other choreographers’ minds. But now that the Maryinsky and the Bolshoi and other theatres are widening their repertoires, sooner or later new choreographic talents will appear and flourish. A choreographer finds stimulation from his experience as a dancer and a spectator, I think. And from this he can evolve his own style. So the more he sees and experiences, the more interesting his style will be.”

There is a revealing interview with Tamara Rojo by Gerald Dowler in the January 2008 issue:

It is a mark of Tamara Rojo’s unstoppable drive that when interviewed after a long day’s rehearsals, she is as engaged and emphatic as she would be if fully rested. There is a clear dynamism about the woman, which first led her to leave her native Spain…

…Rojo gives the impression that she will be at The Royal Ballet for just as long as she feels she needs to be – she is in far too much of a hurry to achieve her goals. What could they be? “Maybe to direct a company; I have ideas and opinions which I think I have with good reason”.

Four years later, she took over at English National Ballet. Dowler interviewed Alina Cojocaru in 2009, the following year. He asked,

You have been with The Royal Ballet for ten years and are in demand all over the world. Why have you stayed?

AC: It is a good home, although guesting with many different companies in the world means coming back enriched by the experience: through working with different dancers, teachers, productions one can learn and develop as an artist. This place is special because of the people I stand next to at the barre every morning; they are the soul of this place.

And in 2013, she joined Rojo at ENB.

Dancing Times December 2009

Dancing Times October 2010

Dancing Times April 2014

Dancing Times December 2018

Also in 2009, Dowler asked Federico Bonelli about his affinity with the repertoire at The Royal Ballet:

The repertoire here is one of the greatest plus points about the company – Ashton, MacMillan, the classics and new work; it works! The company has taught me the importance of telling a story on stage, which has added another dimension; theatre in the UK is very much about narrative. My brother back in Italy is an actor, and it has been great for me to develop that side, and to evolve as an artist.

The cover for Dancing Times’ 100th Anniversary Edition in 2010 featured The Royal Ballet’s Lauren Cuthbertson as Sylvia, her comeback role after many months away after undiagnosed glandular fever. Zoë Anderson – who had just become the magazine’s Assistant Editor – asked her if there was pressure in being the company’s only British female principal (Francesca Hayward and Yasmine Naghdi have since joined her):

It’s a mixture of things. I think it’s treasured, in some ways. To be honest, it feels like it doesn’t matter. You have to accept that it’s a very international company, it always has been. It is lovely to highlight that there’s somebody who’s been through our system – that you can get to this level, it can be achieved. Otherwise, what’s it all for? I’m really proud to say I’ve gone all the way through. But I don’t think it’s seen to be a great thing to be a British principal. I don’t know whether those days have gone – everything is so international now.

The following year, Anderson interviewed Dame Beryl Grey:

Characteristically, [Ninette] De Valois soon decided that her new dancer’s original name, Beryl Groom, wouldn’t do. “The first week, I was doing class, and she walked in and said ‘Groom! I’m changing your name to Grey, unless you can think of a better name. Right, it’s Grey.’ You can imagine, little me, with all these older dancers, going puce. I didn’t dare say anything. Later, she had this bee in her bonnet, she wanted me to be called Iris. I hate the name Iris! Fortunately Evelyn Leith, the press officer, didn’t like it either. I said, ‘Miss Leith, please, I don’t want to be called Iris Grey! ‘So she battled it out, and I remained Beryl Grey.”

In 2011, Gerald Dowler asked Mara Galeazzi, former principal at The Royal Ballet, about the young Italian teenager arriving in rainy London:

I wasn’t bothered by the cold and the rain, because I was so excited to be here. Because I had lived in a boarding school since the age of ten, I knew I had the independence, even if I ended up crying every morning – I was a mummy’s girl too! But I wasn’t scared – I took a vocabulary book and learned words every day, and the people in the company all helped me out; they were amazing. I learned English in three months living with a lovely English lady who was very particular about my language. It was a shock, but I loved the experience, and the fighting to succeed.

When Akram Khan turned 40 in 2014, Paul Arrowsmith talked to him about how he discussed his ideas with the cast:

They need to understand the impulses of a piece so they have an emotional engagement. Dancers need to understand the psychology of what they are embodying. That influences how they move. If dancers feel it, then audiences feel it. Everybody can believe – any of those figures could be me.

Zoë Anderson interviewed Marianela Nuñez in 2016 and asked her whether she watched videos of her performances:

I do. I look at it and – ” she groans – “but I look at it to perfect myself. I face it, and I can take it. It’s like medicine: it doesn’t taste good, but you know it’s good for you! Obviously, we have people looking at us, advising us, you take that and you process it, but when you really see it, you think, ‘Oh, OK, I get it now.’ It’s an extra help.”

Dowler talked to Matthew Ball in 2018, asking him if it was liberating to ‘carry’ a show:

In a way, very much so. Some may feel constrained, but I feel that having the responsibility allows me to set the tone and gives me the freedom to play with the part. In the corps, you have to be in time with everyone else, but as the lead, it is very different. As Rudolf, you know you have a number of counts to crawl over to the chair and inject yourself with morphine, but how you do that is left to you – if you need to be told, maybe you are not in the right job! That freedom is what makes the whole thing live, just like the synergy between you and your partner, as well as the connection with the audience. Being the lead allows you to be responsive and spontaneous.

With over 200 copies to browse through, there are a similar number of interviews, thousands of reviews, and many authoritative articles. A search feature will let you quickly find what you are looking for. Thank you Dancing Times.

Free reading from Dancing Times – the complete archive is available from 2000 Dancing Times has opened up the last 20 years of its archives to all until 7 April.

#Akram Khan #Alexei Ratmansky #Alina Cojocaru #Dancing Times #Darcey Bussell #English National Ballet #Federico Bonelli #Francesca Hayward #Lauren Cuthbertson #Lynn Seymour #Mara Galeazzi #Marianela Nuñez #Matthew Ball #Monica Mason #Roberto Bolle #Tamara Rojo #The Royal Ballet #Yasmine Naghdi

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