#Sometimes i wonder if my mom cares

[perytonpred]

.

#being lazy #Sometimes i wonder if my mom cares #shes... better than my dad #i'll give her that #but it feels like she doesnt care. #whether she likes it or not she hurts me #it can be as simple as not using my preferred pronouns (which she knows and remembers by the way! she has no excuse) or getting frustrated #with me for when my brain wont work #i dont know what to think #im scared that tiny me was right. #she doesnt care about me. only my younger brothers.

[apelcini]

there is a hollowness inside of rich kids that truly terrifies me.

#no wonder some of them don’t know how to be people #like. i was never poor growing up. we were two disasters from bankruptcy instead of just one. but at least i had normal child experiences?? #did my own first aid and was so proud of that. getting dragged to my mom’s work when i had a sick day and getting basically all the regional #colds over in that waiting room. making a grilled cheese or a pbj when my parents weren’t home yet #gotten really annoyed about having to take care of siblings and drive them places #like man sometimes i think I’m so clueless and then others I’m like. how the hell are you people still alive #you look like a deep sea fish collapsing under the lack of pressure on the surface

[cakemoney]

me: spends all season being emotionally invested in kristen and adaine's struggle with their complicated family relationships, feeling let down by adults who can't be relied on to be on their side, questioning the values they had been raised with, bunking with riz in strongtower luxury apartments

fantasy high, penultimate episode: OOOO HERE'S FIG AND HER MOM'S RECONCILIATION WITH A STEEL CHAIR

#laughs awkwardly #dimension 20 #;A; #that one really got me. even with the 'oh i wondered why my mom came to see me in jail and humanized herself' awareness #it felt so succinct but so clear. sometimes your parents let you down but it's NOT because they don't care. you know? #something something fig put all her faith in her dads but then gilear is always just. depressed. and mr. the insatiable just #fucked off to hell without saying goodbye because he got rejected by his ex. but her mom showed up to see her #even knowing fig would be hostile her mom came to see her. you know? #TAT #EDIT: yes i know gorthalax didn't actually leave but from fig's perspective is what i mean

[parisian143]

#a mother daughter relationship is a broken mirror staring at a mirror that is about to break #i love my mom but i hope she was kinder #i mean i know she cares about me a lot #but sometimes her little comments make me wonder if i may be unlovable #web weaving

[truckstoptigers]

when i was seven and our trailer burned down, i thought about leaving my father there, grabbing my brother, and getting us the hell out

i didn't. i ended up waking our father and we all ended up at the neighbors' house

but i should have

i fucking should have

because the minute he had a chance to be alone with me (after we got to my grandma's trailer) guess what he did! shortly after our fucking HOME burned down and the firefighters gave my brother and i teddy bears and wrapped blankets around us for shock!!!!!! fucking christ i hate our father more than anyone on this earth

#haha :) feeling normal abt this! #all i cared about was my brother being safe. thats all. i still remember holding his hand and walking him to the neighbours house #i couldnt see because i left my glasses in the trailer. they put on the little mermaid cartoon for us. i even remember what episode it was #but i genuinely considered leaving my father there and honestly that scares me #honestly i was afraid to wake him up bc i didnt want him to get mad at me. if he got mad at me i would always suffer for it later #milo murmurs #fun fact we lived w someone & his son and his son ended up becoming my cousin when his mom married my uncle #i am so so glad neither or them were home that night #he was so young. im several years older than him & he was so little that he doesnt even remember we lived together #csa vent #tw csa vent #csa tw #also feeling fucked up abt the fact that my father wld put his cigarettes out on me when he was pissed #sometimes i wonder if the fire started because he was smoking smth and passed out while doing it but my brother slept in his room #i feel like they wouldve been much more worse off if the fire started in their room #anyway im pretty sure that the fire was set intentionally bc he had some ties to the wrong ppl #and either they didnt know me & my brother were also there and were only going after our father or they didnt care we were there #to this day even bonfires make me nervous if i can only smell them & cant see them. i hate smelling smth burning & panicking #we live in the country now so its very common for ppl to burn leaves and wood and what have you. its still scary sometimes #i think abt this a lot actually bc any fire still makes me lowkey nervous. less so if i know where/what its coming from but still nervous

[bunibelles]

Intrusive thoughts hour 😭🫶🏼

#I need to check messages more often #I think my friend who graduated visited campus #and then I message their story #and read up after thinking huh I wonder how they’re doing #ONLY TO REALIZE I WAS THE ONE WHO NEVER READ THE MESSAGES 😭😭 #so ngl it’s really my fault if smth doesn’t happen #cause it’ll be sad if I missed the one day they were here #like sometimes friends drift apart cause life gets busy #I know that #but also I miss them #and honestly it’s my fault a lot cause I’m like the worst at replying #I wish I had unlimited energy but that’s not it either #I know my mom said like if u really care u’d make time #and she’s right but also #a lot of times I don’t open messages cause I want to give people 110% when I respond back #but also that just kinda stops me from messaging people right?? #like a terrible cycle that’s only in my head #I know it’s not a big deal #like my friend would probably be like haha I am on campus #but the instrusive thoughts are hitting deep rn </3 #I miss u I wish I was better at reaching out I love u I hope ur doing well #small voice at the back of my head being like pls don’t forget about me #even tho girl it’s my own fault 😭 #also another intrusive thought being like u only say all of this to justify not responding so honestly u could do better #and I can!! #so I should probably change this #hopefully it’s complicated… i say this a lot but it always gets back to this point #I hope people spam message me out of nowhere or don’t mind if I spam message them back #also irl stuff is actually busy cause extracurriculars are every single day 😭🫶🏼 #Bella rambles

[technicolorxsn]

maybe I should

#i kinda want to meet with him again before im too busy again.... #one more time to feel connected rather than isolated #i tried... i did talk to people and try to connect but... it feels like no one ever hears me #i get responses but no questions back #i hate always having to do all the work in everything.. sometimes i wish someone else would for a change #i dont like having to make all of the effort... #i hate that once i start it becomes expected #and if i stop or ask for change im 'being mean' and it hurts #is it really so much to ask for someone to want too? #it makes me feel like people only put up with me... only placate me #maybe its true.. it has been in the past #i dont think they cared about me.. im not sure she did either anymore #i just... make myself useful and sometimes i wonder if that's the only reason im kept around #because of kind words and gifts and my willingness to play mom and therapist and fill whatever need #what if thats all im good for? #i love giving gifts. i love putting in effort. i love showing how deeply i care. i love talking to people. i do. #but i hate that its always my 'job' my 'responsiblility' #and if i ask for any reciprocity im in the wrong.. im too much work or im just straight up wrong and 'what do you mean i totally do? youre #just needy and crazy' #im so tired.... #i wish it were also seen as what it is rather than it becoming expected.. #its a gift not an obligation.. i want people to appreciate what i do rather than expect it.. #at least hes not like that.. not really #hopefully i can meet with him this weekend

[worldofgoo]

telling my mom about a second hand anecdote of how fucked up peoples lives can get when they fall through the cracks of society and my mom immediately jumps into how a bunch of her homeless patients are alcoholics and "dont want help" and dont take their meds so its their fault and how its ridiculous when people "blame the system" because theres two perspectives

#also implying that people who need to crowdfund and shit are all lying to manipulate the situation #i mean she agrees that its 'not all' but with enough skepticism where it doesnt really seem like she believes that people can legitimately #have struggles in life that arent 'their fault' #i know she cares about her patients and doing a good job but sometimes i wonder if shes ever responsible for screwing somebody over #like i see people talking abt happening with them with medical professionals #specifically my moms penchant to be judgemental towards people when she thinks their problems are 'their fault' #including some level of fatphobia #i can agree though that it seems like it sucks when patients are actively rude to you cos it seems like there are also karen types who #just dont listen and then blame you

[beachboysnatural]

.

#the thing is my mom carries so much pain inside her and i love her so much and she is wonderful #but at the same time there are things that i genuinely don't know if i can forgive. but she acts like there isn't anything #TO forgive which makes it worse #and whenever i bring anything up she doesn't change her behavior because she cannot recognize it when she's wrong about something #but she actually invalidates me a lot and i don't appreciate it and i KNOW i'm annoying about my special interests #but it really sucks that she makes it so obvious #like can't she pretend to be interested in what i want to tell her?? for once?? #you'd think fifteen-plus years of her pretending i was perfectly okay would merit some infodumping on my part #it's just that she's never apologized for not doing anything to help me she's just made excuses and said 'well sorry but' #and that's not enough but at this point i'm not going to GET a genuine apology out of her #or out of my dad he isn't exempt from this! #like i'm scared to ask my dad if he's seen a movie i think he'd be interested in because i don't want to set her off #or deal with her disapproval. and she just doesn't care about my special interests at all #which i get but sometimes i feel like she doesn't really care that they make me happy either #like pretending that i'm not autistic now that i have shit figured out doesn't make it go away #it genuinely fucking sucks but i can't say anything to her because she can't cope with being wrong about anything. even jeopardy answers #this is why it means so much to me that you guys like when i infodump about old hollywood because no one else does #except my sister obvi but she does not live with me so #<333333 #persannal

[navysealt4t]

who cares if they all forgot about the thing i wanted to do today. who cares if they just deemed it unimportant. who cares

#^ i do #and if i bring it up it will be a whole guilt thing and my mom will feel bad and my brother won’t care and my dad can’t fucking process emo #emotions. so who cares. what ever it doesn’t matter #not like i want to. who cares . who cares #god sometimes i wonder if they even give a single fuck about me. if they even care #did my counselor just not call them or did they just not care enough to talk about it #does anyone even fucking care. #vent #head in hands. whatever who gives a fucking shit

[kenzie-ann27]

what's the worst generation to have as parents and why is it gen x

#i just... i can't sometimes #my parents are so stupid man #they refuse to do anything new they just don't care #can't even get my dad to watch half a season of succession before he's like oh kendall's gay and i can't watch a show with a gay character #mind you they watched every episode of game of thrones with my sister #which explains why the only shows they watch are shitty generic ass cop shows from the early 2000s #idk. idk why it's so fucking hard to love me #even my own parents won't spare any fucking time to care about me #the only time my mom talks to me is to complain or gush about my sisters or ask me to do shit for her or yell at me about work #i help out so much like. i clean the house every day. i've done my own laundry since i was 12 years old but they don't fucking notice #i am not made for life like i just i can't fucking do it #i will never do anything ever i will be stuck here until i fucking die #the only friends i have are people i will never meet people who don't talk to me or know me and it's all i have #god i'm such a failure dude #no wonder teenage me was so deeply depressed like i have nothing to look forward to #i go day by day and i sleep most of it #it's just so. idk. i'm so empty #i'm just nothing #i was always nothing

[homoerotvic]

even though you were possibly the one to hurt my feelings the most in my entire life in every single dream you appear in i forgive you

#and it literally ruins my entire day. even thinking about you makes me feel like shit. #anyway the pain will pass and it will be like nothing ever happened im sure #also ive been dreaming about my first girlfriend and it makes me wonder if she dreams about me too #idk last time i saw her she looked so sick. im worried about her but its the weirdest feeling because... theres nothing i can do #we barely know eachother anymore but i still care about her so much #i know thats just the way it is but i sincerely just want her to be happy #i just know that i cant have anything to do with that anymore i guess #or i could because we could still ne friends but shes back in brazil so its a no go #p #this looks like a justgirlythings post oh well. send it #honestly its ridiculous how aforementioned first girlfriend broke up with me on my birthday while i was frankly depressed and alone #in a whole other continent lol #what this person did to me hurt harder. frfr. this whole situation makes me sick to my stomach #and i think they dont even like. think about it. or regret anything. or know i feel this way. and my stupid ass is here #avoiding the though of them at all costs. i just want this to pass and the hurt to be over it like i just have to forget all of it. #anyway its stupid shit. like the situation is not even that deep my feelings were just deeply hurt whatever so dw👍 #ok the person who hurt me the most besides my mom but thats just like. what parents do #they hurt you irreparably without even noticing sometimes and then you just get over it. so im not counting that

[chucklechampion]

evening dedicated to The Horrors

#i just need to fucking vent man #i cannot fucking live like this anymore #i still dont have the tags for my car and its almost been a year #a whole year where i didnt go ANYWHERE but work and home and sometimes special occasions when i felt i could risk it #and the daily agonizing fear of being pulled over again and getting a ticket that i cant afford because i cant afford to pay for my tags #ive gotten one of those smart watches that can track your heart rate and stress and im genuinely developing a heart problem from stress #when i was driving home tonight i think i mightve had an arrhythmia which was a scary feeling #im going off of caffiene from here on out because im starting to be afraid that i might have a heart attack #im twenty fucking five years old and im so stressed and scared about money that im afraid of a heart attack #i miss being able to go and do things and just get out of my generally shitty house #i feel like i would be a totally different person if this was just finally taken care of #someone who doesnt feel like they need to hospitalize themselves because the neverending stress is making you suicidal #because it feels like it’ll never end and i’ll be scared and hurting forever #because how the fuck am i gonna get almost $2000 when im going through a garnishment #like i can barely afford to pay all my billa #fuck i CANT even pay my bills my mom is covering my phone bill this month #because i’d have to choose between car insurance or a phone #and god for fucking bid i ever lose my insurance #the level of fear i would have just trying to get to and from work would kill me #and the longer this goes on the more i wonder if that might actually happen #im smoking way more because im stressed. i cant sleep because im stressed. i cant eat because im stressed. #all things that preclude some pretty serious cardiovascular problems #i have a doctors appointment on tuesday to discuss my heart #im nervous for it but who knows #i have had an exceptionally high heart rate but maybe the arrythimia was just psychosomatic #my money troubles have completely stopped my life and i cant see a way out #i feel like im drowning and like im going clinically insane #i was outside sitting in our carport and a cop drove by and i was so terrified i spent 10 minutes hiding in an empty room #looking through the blinds to see if they were gonna come do something #i am so afraid that i have considered quitting my job because the commute is so stressful and upsetting

[perktarts]

.

#i know i shouldn't think about life at 4 in the morning but damn #i wish it didn't turn out like this #i am so emotional #I've been hurt #I feel like I hurt others #i want to hurt others #i disappoint my family not that I care too much they've done nothing but disappoint me #but the act of being wrong and disgraceful is disheartening #I've been broken right in half and sometimes I wonder if it's worth putting myself back together again #no one to grow old with no one to grow up with #I've never felt more alone than I have in these last 6 months #if you've been following me you'd know my sister died and #the thought that people might read this is liberating and humiliating at the same time #ah well if you read this you read this if you didn't you don't #what is night without day #the moon without the sun #it's my blog I get to be as moody as I want #my mom hurts me emotionally #her ignorance disrespects us #i don't care how she feels anymore

[mieltelecheycrema]

wheres that one post im so happy for you and ur dumb boyfriend

#mielmbles #look usually im very kind and accepting about ppls boyfriend im like gosh thats so cute im so happy for u and feel it #like w/ my mom my sister my old friend and cousin but god i just met one of my current friends bfs and i literally am just so uncomfy w/ him #like fuck buddy i love u and care about u and the only thing i want is for u to be happy but ur bf sucks fr #dark humor contest are u fucking w/ me rn. his flavor of humor was just so uncomfortable and i wanted to go off on him and tell him off like #i had sometimes done in the past w/ guys i hate but this is her bf ! i gotta make a good first impression and she trusts me and god #what a wonderful thing trust is its so fragile and i care deeply for her and her happiness #sigh he wasn’t the worst ig but god the things he would fucking say AND I WAS NICE !!! #i had to be yo i didn’t want her to be like oh ur just like everyone else huh fuck u miel i hate u go die yk ? #i should communicate more clearly w/ her and him and my boundaries i think yeah i just sigh i need to be better

[peachesofteal]

Single mother with Simon as neighbour au? Yeaaah in love with them.

Light on - single mom/neighbor fic Simon Riley/female reader

Simon hasn’t seen you in a few days.

He hasn’t seen you in the hall, or on the roof. Hasn’t seen you on your little balcony, like he did the other day when you were sitting on the little rickety metal chair, sipping a hot cup of something, too big sweater wrapped around your shoulders.

“Good morning.” You called to him, somehow keeping your voice light and soft, warm. He managed a response, serrated and off key, as he stubbed his cigarette out and slipped his mask from his pocket to his face.

He wonders if you’re alone. He never hears anyone else with you except little Emmaline, no man’s voice. No woman’s. He hears you, though. He hears you leave in the mornings, off to somewhere he’s not aware of. Hears you come home in the afternoons, your voice carrying down the hall while you talk to the baby, words muffled and tone light. Hears Emmaline, crying in the mornings and at night. Hears her screaming sometimes, angry about something, the raw pitch of her displeasure filtering through the paper-thin walls, her screeching and wailing probably loud enough to wake the entire floor. He hears you sing to her, just the lightest sounds of a muffled lullaby, coming from the room that’s opposite his bedroom, and he wonders if that’s where your bedroom is too.

He thinks about you being alone, doing everything by yourself, taking care of the baby, taking care of yourself. Who makes sure you’re okay? Who’s watching out for you?

He gets his answer, two days later, six hours before he’s slated to leave for the next op, when he stumbles upon you in the pouring rain, nearly in tears, Emmaline in a cloth wrap pressed to your chest, paper grocery bags in your arms, standing outside the building’s front door, one free hand frantically searching for what he automatically assumes must be your keys. As soon as he spots you, he increases his pace, legs stretching out in front of him and closing the distance between the three of you in record time.

“I know, I know.” He hears you trying to comfort her as he gets closer, your usual sweet voice edged in a frantic, viscous tone that has his fists clenching. “I’m here, baby. It’s okay.”

“Need some help?” He calls, and you turn with wide, nervous eyes. When you see him, when you realize it’s him, you relax, and blurt out hurriedly:

“Oh my god, do you have a key?” He pulls his own from his pocket, sliding it into the lock and then holds the door open, your body pressing against his when you brush by. “They usually don’t lock this door during the daytime.” He knows. He doesn’t tell you, but he had a strongly worded conversation with the building manager two days ago, when he came across the bloke in the lobby. He terrified the man, but he’s not sorry at all, and he feels certain that the front door will remain locked from now on. Leaving the bleedin’ front door unlocked, for anyone to walk in here. Not anymore.

“It should be locked.” He says flatly, and you purse your lips like you’re going to argue, setting down the grocery bags and then fidgeting with the wrap that has Emmaline sitting snugly against your chest.

“Shhh. I know, I know. You don’t like the rain.” He eyes you curiously, watching you unwrap the long pieces of linen slowly. He’s never seen that before, never seen someone carry a baby around like that, Beth always…

Beth. His skin slicks cool with sweat when the thought rips across his mind, old, buried memories gnawing at where he’s put them away, where’s he’s kept them hidden. Beth. Joseph. Tommy. Tommy holding his son, Joseph as a baby, little boy with blonde curls and happy smile, Tommy and his mom-

“Simon?” you say his name softly, tilting your head, and he blinks, snapping his focus back to the present, back to the now, with you, with Emmaline. “You okay?”

“Yeah, alright.” He points to the brown bags. “Need a hand?” He offers, and you reward it with a gracious smile that shines like a bright light that he can’t look away from. Fucking hell.

#peaches writes #light on #simon riley x female reader #Simon Riley #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader